#this is truly a great loss and I want this message to be heard

[ilovecatsandsmokingweed]

📍 Philly

This beautiful message & art was sadly painted over, but the world needs to see this 🤍

[youthnighttarot]

Who’s your FS/SO……❓❓❓❓ PAC

🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️

Your Selections 🧞🧞🧞🧞

Pile 1

Tarot Cards: 10oS, 2oP, 5oC, 8oC

You may go through some sort of loss, and or this may be them. This may also resonate as a rejection of the sort as well. ( either you or this person) So this may be a rejection or some type of loss you or your person goes through. They may live in New York specifically, (I’m getting this for some) or some type of urban area where there’s a city nearby. They may bring in a wealth of opportunities for you…they may also just be a wealthy man/woman in general. They have deep pockets and often provide opportunities to and for you…this is to help you move past the traumas, heartbreaks, and grief…they know how to turn loss into a money earning opportunity. (They are good at making something out of nothing) You may receive a promotion or they may have just received one…you see them as a grounding and stable force. There a bit insecure and don’t like to celebrate or go out much…even when your person receives the promotion they would rather stay inside to themselves and relish. This comes from a place of insecurity because they don’t allow themselves to enjoy the fruits of their labor…like going outside and mingling. This person has had a lot of loss and grief in their life. They think about their goals a lot and how they will achieve these goals….Even if they do they don’t/wouldn’t know where to go or what to do from there. They have been ignoring the ace of pentacles that was right in front of them. There is a sense of fear of the unknown and not know where to go. You both love one another and there’s a great amount of passion between the two of you…you may not like a lot of the same things but you both seem to blend without trouble. You have harmony and balance with this person…this is truly someone who is a divine counterpart…this is a soulmate….you will both feel very comfortable with one another….you teach one another how to let go specifically this person. Allowing control to be relinquished and allowing life to take you where it takes you…this is something your spouse/so will learn from you…they have a hard time finding balance between their life and their career. They could be behind at work right now…they feel trapped…whatever they’re going through is really hard on them at the moment they need rest. I just want to hug your person pile 1 🥺.

Where you may meet them..?

So I’m getting three scenarios.You may meet them when you are traveling…possibly on a hike of some sort or a mountainous area. For others I’m getting may meet them in the court of law 👩🏾‍⚖️ (lolllll I’m rolling)…possibly outside of a place where law or justice occurs…police department 👀. And the third is like at a big garden…botanical gardens perhaps…they may even be a neighbor of yours. You may both be walking away from something that no longer serves you…you may even feel an injustice has occurred. You will move away from this energy with time. You may also meet at the workplace. Once you meet the hard work you put in will finally pay off.

Extra Messages: 1313, overthinking, loss, soul contract, 11, Christmas 🎄, winter

Pile 2

Tarot Cards: 3oSrv, AoC, Strength, 4oS

The first thing I heard was courageous and brave. Your fs/so is very intuitive…they may at times be seen as lazy. But it’s the fact that they spend more time overthinking and, worrying then doing or putting forth actions. They are really good at whatever their career is but they have this feeling and tendency to not feel good enough for you or for they life they have. They are very connected to their emotions but often get deemed as a lazy person…they really just be procrastinating…they are extremely unfocused and can’t get work done….so much so they miss opportunities. They are constantly bouncing back and forth between a lot of unhealthy thoughts. They need to put in the effort that they know they can or they will continue to fall into thin bottomless self pitying habit. Thinking if you will like something they are doing for you…they are extremely obsessive about you and may be possessive as well. They’re constantly thinking and never really doing….they think they’re not good enough anyway so why even try. They will get into a thought process or habit and keep on thinking about. You both are compatible and there is a lot of love here between the go of you. They will offer you a lot of love…this may be my TWFL pile for some of you. They may have been betrayed in the past by someone or there bad habits chased pasted lovers away. You both will create an alliance together and truly be able to build a stable foundation and connection with each other.

Where you will meet..?

You may meet your future spouse/so at a gathering of the sort. I’m sensing a family gathering. (It reminds me of a yt video I was watching talkin about country ninjas havin a party yea yea yea🤣🤣) So your person may be southern Lml. It could be a family reunion or class reunion…you may have met this person prior to this gathering…you may even notice these obsessive characteristics…you feel they may a bit emotional immature. Pile 2 you may be walking away from fighting or fights into your new peace. A message from spirit {You are being offered something special and yet you reject it why..?} This person comes in with passion and mysteriousness that drew you in at first even though you may not have been very impressed by them. They are coming to offer you a cup of love!💜

Extra Messages: 555, 44, 55, celebration, celebrity, wild side normani, I wanna drive you crazy

Pile 3

Tarot Cards: QoSrv, QoP, PoSrv

This is definitely someone you know or someone that you used to know. There is an overarching nostalgia to this connection. Your fs/so my also be just very nostalgic in general…they like to dwell on the past but not in a toxic way. They have fond memories of their mother during their childhood…this person may not to work in groups 🤧👀…like they don’t do well having to anchor up multiple people. They like to work by themselves and be by themselves for the most part. They’re a straight shooter…what they say they mean what they mean they say and this is something they picked up from their father figure…your person’s parents have played a major role in their lives. Their dad was a very no nonsense type of person….while they aren’t like that they are very brunt which is why they may not be able to work in groups/ fond of working in groups…this person likes to hike or walk in peaceful spaces. They have had someone screw them over during there childhood…possibly may have been the mother for some. (13:13 on the clock) This person is very wise and has a lot of wisdom. But they have unhealthy habits to the point where they shut of when things aren’t going the way they intended for things to go. They have a more traditional approach to life. They are definitely a masculine energy. This person believes in the sanctity of marriage/partnership and, they will respect it as well as you. This could be related to the fact that they didn’t see their parents respect their marriage…they may have separated or gotten divorced…which highly affected your FS/SO. This effects how your FS/SO even interacts when they collaborate with others….or are involved in something requiring teamwork. This person will come in fast but very recklessly…they tend to make head first decisions without much thought or planning ahead. Even if they know the outcome will be bad. (Just be careful and take notice to this so they can work to correct this) You may have resonated or been drawn to pile 2. I say this because there’s an immaturity it’s just not an emotional immaturity. Like your FS/SO lacks maturity when it comes to thought….while pile 2 is emotionally lacking maturity. Their thought process May throw you for a loop 🫠🥴. In the past they had to walk away from something that was causing them grief and, along the way they began to develop this mentality. This may be there defense mechanism. (555) This is a person who can be very diplomatic when they view is necessary. They can create balance. This person is willing to take the middle ground and they’re willing to compromise. They’re willing to be the bigger person…even though their thought process may be a bit wonky they can control themselves. They know how to take control of their thoughts when they see fit or again the need to. They seem to not do will in social environments…they are very antisocial or just stand-offish.

Where you’ll meet them: You may meet your future spouse when it’s cold outside. It could be snowing for some of you. It may be around winter time…you also may just live in a very cold area. It’s a time where you’re feeling left out. You may feel as though you are not apart of something..? And they feel the same way…they want to be apart of something. You could be reaching out for help and they may be one of the people who help you. I going back to the snow…it could also be harsh weather conditions. You could feel as though your person takes their time with something….they may be doing something where you see them taking the time. They may even talk with at a slower pace. This will stand out to you. Even though this person is traditional the place you meet them will be anything but the sort. It will definitely be an usual place or environment. They usually wouldn’t have even gone to a place like this…..and yet they found themselves there. They could have rested or they were laid back in some way. This may be because they have had a victory and they’re soaking in the moment. But this place is not what they would call a “traditional” setting (could be a bar) This could be a hotel because I’m getting they are resting their or going to rest….could also be a party and they’re laying on the couch. You will meet after a much needed rest and self-care for you and your person. You could meet on the internet. You may meet at a time when you and your FS/SO are isolating yourself from the world or social circles. You haven’t been able to be productive during this time. You will have an opportunity either creatively or social to expand your life/career. You could even meet in a creative place or come together or create something together. (Be careful because they don’t do well with collaborating if that’s the case) (Whoever they are needs to get that together) You may have walked away from something causing you to stagnate….this open new doors for you and allowed for you step into opportunities and circles you were blocking yourself off to before. This is why this wonderful opportunity is coming to you pile 3. Someone may also be stubborn.

Extra Messages: 333, 111, 555, 1313, Immaturity, Creativity, Introverted, almost there princess 👸🏾 &the 🐸, The greatest love, 66

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[vladdocs]

Hello, I want to start off by saying I hope you’re having a good day :)

I’m here to ask if there’s any specifics about the relationship Vlad had with his brothers. It’s noted that he avenged his older brothers death, is there any documentation that gives clues to what the Dracula brothers were like? Why Radu had went against Vlad or anything? Apologies if you have answered this in the past!

Thank you for all the education you bring, truly it is a fascination and super fun to read!

Salut! Vlad had a complicated relation with his brother just like any other medieval royal family. On a hand his your kin from the same blood, on the other hand he is a future candidate for the throne. So it was quite a neutre relatioship, they didn't love eachother or hated. Radu fought Vlad because they were in the oposite sides, just like why Stefan fought Vlad. It didn't put any bad blood between them. that's how things were back then. So how his brothers were from the documents: Radu: He is quite cold and blank really, he alaways stick with the standard letters, never added something different to them so we can't make up an idea of his personality, he took as hostage the wives and children of the boyars that helped Vlad, He wasn't as respected as Vlad since the brasovans refuse to pay their debts to him, he would use treats like "I have power from the turks" and the ottomans described him as quite submissive (tho they describe everyone like that). He was a good ruler tho, improve stuff, build churches, didn't sold the country to the ottomans (always a + in my book) but quite an empty ruler. Mircea: Mircea is a little different, He was a warrior like Vlad, He wanted kinda wanted to protect his brother but also not to, he was doing what it was told to. The chronicler Jean the wavrin talked with him:

“In the meantime, the son of the lord of Wallachia went to visit the lord of Wavrin, to whom, after greeting him, had an interpreter say that he was planning an enterprise against the Turks: and, if he promised him not to judging him badly, he would tell him his secret; which the lord of Wavrin absolutely swore to him. And then the interpreter, having received instructions from the son of Wallachia, spoke in this way: "My father sent for me and told me that, if I do not avenge him of that subachi of that castle of Georgye (Giurgiu), he will disown me and he no longer considers me his son; because he is the one who betrayed him and who, with a safe conduct from the Turk, made him go to the aforementioned Turk, then took him prisoner to the castle of Gallipoli, where he held him for a long time with chains on his legs . Now the fact is that he and his Saracens have now surrendered to my father, their lives and possessions must be spared, and they must be taken to Vulgarye (Bulgaria); and I will go, along with 2000 Wallachians, two leagues from here, cross the river and set up an ambush on their path: so, when they try to go to Nicopolis, I will be in front of them, so I will put them all to death . ” A thing to which the aforementioned lord of Wavrin did not answer a single word, neither good nor bad. So the aforementioned son of Wallachia went away, to go and carry out his enterprise.“ In the same chronicle Jean the Wavrin actually tells Mircea about Radu being molested which I find quite a weird topic to talk about with a 15-year old boy in his way to butcher a garnizon of ottomans and just came back from a crusade but alright. At Varna Mircea was the only guy that did something, as much as Murad had to threaten him that will kill his 2 brothers if he continues From the chronicle of Beheim (He's a poet, the author of most of the brutal things you read on the internet about Vlad. so most likely as trustworthy as a Russian news station): " Many of them, a countless number, were killed. When the Emperor(Murad II) heard what great losses his men were suffering, he sent a message to Trakal(Dracul/Mircea): if he did not stop fighting before more messages came to him, he would kill his two brothers whom he had captured. He would do this if he did not show restraint in battle." Which Mircea did, tho this action had drastic consqueces. here is a video about Mircea I don't think Vlad was bother that much about Mircea's death but how was he killed, all people with noble blood like the boyars and ruler must be killed by sword (decapitation), when the pargars of Brasov buried Mircea alive they tehinically said they don't consider the Basarabs nobles. Vlad IV The Monk: This guy most likely was just a random monk and had nothing to do with the Draculesti, could be a step brother or something but it just speculations, Vlad mentions him in a letter from 1457 martie 14: "...But now we have heard and fully understood from the people of this priest of the Wallachians, who calls himself son of a lord..." Here Vlad IV did something unfanthomly based, he left. He quit being a pretender to the throne and went back to being a monk. He will become a ruler in 1481. He was a nice guy, didn't fight, write letters a lot, build and gifted churches (many churches), rule for 13 years, lived to be 71 (Which is the supreme proof that he was not a draculesti, all of them die in their 40s or younger, even Mircea the elder(BTW He's called "The Elder" because of Vlad's brother Mircea, there was a young one and an elder one)). So basically all of them got along pretty well, tho it was quite hard to be a brother back then, Ask Mehmed's brothers. Their relationship was sufocanting to say the least. I think Vlad liked his sister the most, Alishandra. He gave her 2 villages and married her to a boyar from prahova, pure brotherly love if you ask me.

[veronika-tserber]

hi, i hope your day is going well ☺️ i'm here for the 2nd house analysis if it's still open. i was born on the 12th October 2001, 4:23 am in Poznań, Poland. Thank you in advance!

Hello! 😊

The data:

2nd house in Libra

Venus in the 1H

Sun conjunct Mercury in the 2nd

Mercury is the chart ruler and is retrograde

The Sun is at the apex of a T-Square and a Bisextile - both point to talent in development!

Mercury is the dispositor of your Saturn that's on the MC!

Sun trine Saturn and Uranus

Sun square Mars and Jupiter

Mars opposite Jupiter

I use the Whole Signs system! :)

Firstly, if you don’t know what Sabian Symbols are, please check my post HERE. ❤

The 2nd house in Libra tells me that you probably like to spend money on beautiful, high-quality items and possessions, and you have great taste in aesthetics that can help you make money. You also can feel energized and recharged by spending time with your partner, communicating, or feeding your senses with art and beauty. You can also benefit from the resources of your partner.

The ruler of the 2nd, Venus, being in the 1st house speaks of using your self-image and personality to make money. Venus is at the 25th, Aries degree, and the Sabian is called “A Flag at Half-Mast in Front of a Public Building”. Interesting. One of the meanings of this symbol is the desire to leave a legacy for society. Venus in Virgo paired with your Virgo Ascendant tells me that you definitely are someone responsible, analytical, intelligent, and reliable. You probably have a great eye for details, and the ability to polish things to perfection - this standard of excellence, paired with the mastery of your communicative abilities, can be key to your wealth. The Aries degree also shows courage and bravery, but also a new beginning. That pairs with another meaning of this symbol that speaks of loss, grieving, and mourning. There is some sort of an ending happening in this lifetime regarding your identity and a lot of your current thinking/communication patterns, as well (Mercury is involved). You might be deciding that you no longer want to express yourself in a certain way or hold your true thoughts and beliefs back anymore.

Sun at 18 degrees Libra - the 18th degree is considered one of the worst in Astrology, not gonna lie. There is karma to be resolved here, and I am just looking at your Sabian that’s called “Two Men Placed Under Arrest Give an Accounting for Their Acts Before the Tribunal of Society”. And this is your Sun, the planet that has to do with your identity, path in life, ambitions, father figure, etc. There is this sense of not having enough freedom to move however you want in life and express who you truly are or your unique path/identity isn’t being acknowledged. The Sun squaring Mars and Jupiter also could mean that your personal will and long-term goals and ambitions aren’t supported by your father or since the Sun is in the 2nd, you might be lacking the material resources or self-confidence to go after what you want. In the house of self-worth and to some extent, relationships, it can speak of self-sabotage, feelings of guilt, or having to always justify your choices and actions in front of someone. Not feeling confident enough to “just go for it”.

Mercury is close enough to the Sun to be considered cazimi, so definitely, your intelligence can be a big part of who you are and your greatest “weapon” for self-expression! The Sabian is called “Chanticleers’s Voice Heralds the Rising Sun with Enthusiastic Tones”. This symbol speaks of your need to have your voice heard, as it signifies that you have an important message or a “warning” to share with others. The 23rd degree is also an Aquarius one, so definitely, using your voice in service of the public/collective is important. This message is closely tied to your identity, so it might have to do with you wanting to show people your gifts and talents, as well. You can be good at seeing things and trends ahead of time. Since the conjunction is at the apex of a T-Square and a Bisextile, there really is some kind of a “superpower” in development, so let’s look deeper into it.

The “base” of the T-Square is the opposition between Jupiter and Mars. Your Mars is at a Libra degree, and the Sabian is called “A Child of About Five Carrying a Huge Shopping Bag Filled with Groceries”. This speaks of taking on too many responsibilities - certainly more than you can carry. You might have had to grow up too quickly for some reason, and now you need to find a balance between being responsible and having fun/being youthful. Mars is also in your 5th house of romance and hobbies/fun, so you might struggle with being too serious and feel burdened by activities and relationships that are meant to simply feel fun and rejuvenating. At a Libra degree, you might be doing this out of the desire to people please, and you could struggle with this in your romantic relationships. It’s important to connect to your inner child and find the root cause of this overly responsible behavior so that you also won’t pass it on to your own children, and try to limit their own right to simply be just that - children.

Mars opposes your Jupiter at a Taurus, 14th degree (super lucky degree), and the Sabian is called “On the Beach, Children Play While Shellfish Grope at the Edge of the Water”. Look at that! Fascinating. Both planets have to do with the archetype of the “child”, but in one case, the child isn’t really acting like a child, and the other one is all about feeling tranquil, and simply going back to basics - connecting with others in an innocent way by engaging in a shared activity, regardless of cultural or other types of differences. The message is quite literally to lighten up, relax, and be okay with not knowing all the answers, to just allow time to teach you. Connecting to nature, as well, connecting to Source.

This is amazing because Jupiter is actually in your 11th house of social groups, friendships, social causes, and dreams! Mars/Jupiter is the combo of someone who fights for a certain belief system, and in your case, it can be about fighting for social justice on behalf of children, for example. Mars in Capricorn is definitely a very mature and protective type of energy. You might have missed a portion of your childhood, as I said, and had to grow up too quickly, which is why now, you could feel passionate about spreading the word about parenting or family/women/mothers’ rights.

Jupiter isn’t as strong in the chart, so it might take some time to arrive at this state of having a bigger vision and “cause” to fight for, but you can expect it to be triggered by other planets or at every Jupiter cycle which is 12 years. So, at 12, 24, 36, etc… Also, the 14th degree can be about amassing great wealth from the activity of that placement, and you have the planet of abundance there! Definitely, creating a family in a wider sense of the word is key - it’s in the 11th house, after all, so creating or joining a social cause/group that will become like family, is key.

Essentially, this opposition is resolved by your Sun/Mercury combo, your desire to have your voice and message heard! Your Mercury is retrograde, so you might struggle with expressing yourself and this message for a while, but ultimately, retrograde planets can become our greatest strengths and assets! I look at them as an extra “highlighter” to the theme of the planet in the chart. Mercury is also the ruler of your MC and Saturn in Gemini, again at the 14th degree!

Saturn trines your Sun, and sextiles your 12th house Moon. The Moon trines Pluto in the 4th. There is something “fishy” going on when it comes to your family, and If that’s the case, you could actually become a successful advocate for healthy parenting and speak up on the topic of child abuse, for example. I also see a good potential for becoming a lawyer. There are a few factors that point to this, but again, archetypes give us so many possibilities, so take only what resonates! Saturn in Gemini is all about mastering your mind and language, and Mercury retrograde will force you to be more introspective, and reflective, so definitely, big potential for becoming a successful teacher, and thought leader, and sharing your vision/beliefs with others.

All and all, your income and stability in life are closely tied to your career and higher calling. You aren’t here to just “make money”, and if you unleash your bravery and get clear on your message, as well as what is the cause that you support, you will be able to achieve great wealth, as well as a greater sense of self-confidence and self-worth! I love those planets and the MC on the 14th degree! Also, your North Node, which is your direction in this lifetime, is in the 11th house where Jupiter is, so definitely, get involved in some sort of a social cause - stand behind something greater than yourself! This is the path to growth in this lifetime.

I will be glad If you let me know how this resonated for you! Have a great day/night, and I wish you the best of luck on your journey! ♥

[upsidedowngrass]

OK this isnt one of my essay character analysises, BUT i offer: a 784 word character study fic abt the beginning of ep 5 :)

(also uploaded on ao3!!)

It's the happiest either of them have seen Scenty through the whole competition.

From where Liam and Bryce both sit, they can hear her cheering. After all the times Stone has stopped her team from being up for elimination, she finally has a way out.

But she's just so, so hopeful, because the viewers would certainly be on her side. They'd take her home, and she could leave this place behind. She could leave the unsettling geometry, ominous figures, and all-powerful voices who don't care about the lives of those they harm all in the past. This was certain to her. After all, she was the one who has asked to leave the most. Even her own teammates were vouching for her.

(Neither Bryce nor Liam would ever find issue with this. They want to go home too, yeah, but they're all being subjected to ONE; it'd be hard to accuse her of any selfishness or her teammates of any bias in a situation like this.)

It's the fact that she is so hopeful, though, that makes Liam look away and Bryce go quiet. Her excitement was loud and blatant, and though she was turned away from the both of them, it could be heard in the increasing thickness of her words that she's crying, at least a little.

All of this twists at something in Bryce's chest, as he just stares. It's far from panicked, but his breaths nonetheless feel shallow. Liam altogether tries to ignore her joy. It feels cruel to him. It feels unfair, and he doesn't want to see, and just the happiness in her voice makes him feel distant from the Plane.

They both just stay there, sitting in the pointed grass, because her hopes are so high. It really is the happiest either of them have ever seen her- though that doesn't mean much here. In her place, both of them would be just as excited. If they told her of Stone's message, that excitement would be completely crushed. Crushed with the ease of a wooden stake-

Then again, if she doesn't go home this elimination, would that be worse? Would telling her after only serve to make her spirits even worse, with her not only having to deal with the horrors of the Plane, but also the fact that her friends, the only people here from the same world as her, had kept something that important from her? Would she even care?

Scenty's cheering had died down by now. Her team had huddled together further, no doubt trying to make the most of their time with her. They all seemed to have grown close quickly through the competition. She'd moved to rest the back of her candle against Tray, allowing Bryce to read her expression better from where his team of three sits. Liam still stares only ahead of himself. With everything that's happened, a moral dilemma is far too complicated for him to even consider thinking about.

She's smiling, and she looks calm, though she occasionally wipes at her eyes. The relief is obvious in her posture. Her teammates talk casually and quietly amongst each other, Scenty piping in with a now worn, but still happy voice every now and then. 

All Bryce can think about is Stone's message, and that if the eliminations truly are random, then out of all of the contestants up for elimination, she doesn't have great odds of leaving. But she's still so happy, and if she does end up stuck here long, isn't it better for at least some of it to have been spent not afraid, and not desperate, but content?

Really, it doesn't feel like anything is the right decision here. No matter what, the situation is terrible, and no amount of sparing emotions or being honest will change that. Frankly, neither Bryce nor Liam could probably even bring themselves to tell her anyway, no matter what the “correct” decision is, the weight of Stone's message still weighing on their own minds, as well, keeping them both at a loss for much. Learning just how helpless everyone here was was never going to be something that would settle well. The text box’s clicking hadn’t gotten either of them to budge much, and they definitely wouldn’t now, Scenty’s words leaving its own mark that rivaled that of the message itself.

So instead, the two stay where they've sat since they left Stone's notes behind, still failing to know what to do about the knowledge given, even for themselves. As the members of Scenty's team individually fall asleep in their tranquility, both Liam and Bryce stay awake under the burning sun, and remain there still after the sleeping members awaken.

[poetryasreligion]

HEARTBREAK

The first time I reached for stories as conscious scripture was after the end of my first relationship, freshman year of college. The rupture was so intense and all-consuming that I left school for six months. During this period I scrambled for every possible spiritual antidote to the ache that would not leave my chest: I tried meditating and attending Catholic mass, saw a questionable psychic twice, started manifesting on full and new moons, spent $50 on a moss agate crystal necklace. (I also developed an eating disorder that left me hospitalized a year later, but that's a whole other chapter.)

The only lasting salvation for me was stories—songs, poems, movies, long form literature, internet miscellany. Scroll down and you'll find a list of the most important ones.

While I read them, I gave myself permission to live in the words completely. To rest in the soft crook of someone else's life experience that could parallel my own at any serendipitous moment. I'd collect these storytellers' sage reflections like a frenzied squirrel gathers and hoards acorns, repeating quotes like “time heals all wounds” (someone forever ago) and “how empty of me to be so full of you” (Jody Yeary) and "sometimes you get so close to someone you end up on the other side of them" (Richard Siken) until their words turned into my mantras, sacred texts. Something to latch onto while my world eroded.

I once heard that to love is to be changed. Through heartbreak, I want to give us permission to hold onto all of those changes, really feel the weight and texture and temperature of them in our hands. It's painful and it's proof that something real and worthwhile occurred. I give us permission to lean into the ache of another person's absence and fill it with our own words—write a letter we'll never send (at least not now), talk to our friends or the mirror or the sky, document it all for ourselves or maybe someone else who will need a warm jumble of words to wrap themselves up in one day. I give us permission to hold on and accept that some kinds of love we never quite "get over" (and so what if it makes us soft? Isn’t the softness what makes us human? For the record: it’s been 3 years and I still wake up with things to tell you.)

On Sand (pg. 15) by Caroline Cappelletti (poem // time and loss)

The Fist by Derek Walcott (poem // letting go)

The Long and Short of It (hybrid poem/essay // rumination, to be changed)

Excerpt: I’ve been rereading your story. I think it’s about me in a way that might not be flattering, but that’s okay. We dream and dream of being seen as we really are and then finally someone looks at us and sees us truly and we fail to measure up. Anyway: story received, story included. You looked at me long enough to see something mysterioso under all the gruff and bluster. Thanks. Sometimes you get so close to someone you end up on the other side of them.

The Weight of It All (podcast episode // immediate aftermath of a breakup, moments of great comedic relief too)

Someone Who Will Love You in All Your Damaged Glory by Raphael Bob-Waksburg (short story collection // love in all its forms)

The Unsent Project (website // browse unsent messages and submit your own -- beautiful and cathartic)

Good Riddance by Gracie Abrams (album // woodsy breakup rumination from all angles)

History of A Feeling by Madi Diaz (album // parting in its entirety)

Crushing by Julia Jacklin (album // a cpmplete relationship arc)

Playlist by me about being broken up with (compiled over 3yrs!)

How'd you get away? Cause oh, good heavens, we abided by the night But there are darker things than the absence of light And they still creak through our halls

I would build a city out of you and me There would be crime, but still a local grocery If you'd stay

Maggie Rogers, "Blood Ballet" (on playlist)

Playlist by me about being the one to call it off

Playlist by me about reaching for closure and forgiveness

(Bonus: Here and here are poems I've written about my own breakup experiences.)

[existentialmagazine]

Review: Dead Reynolds new thundering alternative-rock single ‘Wake Up’ tackles the struggles of addiction in its personal lyricism

Five-piece Dead Reynolds hail from East Anglia, bearing a mix of alt rock, indie rock and pop punk perfect for fans of Foo Fighters, Don Broco, Mallory Knox or Nothing but Thieves but still strikingly their own. Since forming in 2018, they’ve picked up long-standing support from Kerrang! Radio, RockSound, Powerplay Magazine, and critical acclaim from Louder/ Classic Rock, plus Amazing Radio and BBC Introducing that has only pushed them further to succeed. Now bearing their newest single ‘Wake Up’, Dead Reynolds are making it clear they’re a band with a lot to give and this new track will only solidify the places they’re heading.

Storming into the three and a half minute experience of ‘Wake Up’ with clashing drums, emphatic electric guitar and an overall identity that’s big and bold, Dead Reynolds don’t limit themselves to anything other than greatness. The verse sees vigorous beats settle down to a steady lull, with rich electric guitar and deep bass all together building a sonic base bridging between alt rock, indie rock and softening into brilliant pop melodies. As the chorus instead of bursting into an explosion levels out into more of an atmospheric moment of vastness, ‘Wake Up’ manages to balance brewing energy with a diffusion you can’t help but chant along to, with aggressive drums falling into a backing whilst soaring electric guitar riffs find their own place. With their new vocalist Rossco bringing a new direction to the band’s sound, ‘Wake Up’ shows off the edging of both rock-y grit and charismatic flair that he weaves between, erring the edge of a clean pop delivery and the more rich tones of hoarseness and bundled emotion. A bridge that fades out into a moment of sincerity and stripped-back beats leaves a moment to ponder before building drum beats climb towards a high the song feels it’s been awaiting since pressing play, taking vocals that interact with one another to truly ramp up the rising adrenaline. It’s clear that in terms of sound, ‘Wake Up’ is a song that wields a war behind its ebbing and flowing of velocity, serving both an anthem to be played loud and a message to be heard.

With a heartbreaking story to tell that covers darker lyrical themes, Dead Reynolds don’t shy away from touching upon the harshness of reality inside of ‘Wake Up’, expressing a narrative rooted in the struggles of an addict. Close from the heart and relating to experiences of members of the band, ‘Wake Up’ is a hauntingly penned journey of love and loss, watching someone you care for detach from the person they once were and being unable to intervene. A fear of their loved one’s demise is engrained within every day, rooted in the choruses’ repetition to emphasise the recurring thought that just won’t stop coming back even in lighter moments: ‘I wonder if we’ll see tomorrow.’ Rhetorical questions seek to find answers that will only continue to be left unspoken and un-responded to, weighing heavy as they watch someone they care for throw everything away and slowly realise they cannot pull them out unless they truly wish for it: ‘was it everything you wanted?’ Left feeling out of their depth, lines like ‘only you can break these chains’ plead for change while they are only able to witness from a distance as their loved one continues to downwards spiral. Every moment and personally pained line of ‘Wake Up’ captures the reality of addiction, as well as the burden it places upon those around them, preaching a message of solidarity with those watching a loved one lose themselves and hoping to reach out to those who need the encouragement to turn things around.

Check out ‘Wake up’ for yourself here to enjoy Dead Reynolds’ thundering alternative-rock sound that’s dedicated to sharing an important message sure to resonate with many.

Written by: Tatiana Whybrow

Photo Credits: Unknown

// This coverage was created via Musosoup, #SustainableCurator

[absentcaryatid]

Fated to be Together

An ATEEZ fanfic by AbsentCaryatid

When your matching soulmate marks appear, it does not bring the joy Mingi hopes for.

830 words, Content note: all ages, gender neutral reader, aromantic reader, angst that ends well

~

Often Mingi would catch you just like this, an adoring gaze fixed upon him. The weight of your one-sided affection was burden enough, but he had never expected how much worse it could get. The day identical symbols appeared on your wrists, he questioned how the infallible process had gone so wrong. Mingi looked at you, knowing it would dash your hopes when he said what he had to. “Despite this sign, it is a certain thing I am not the person for you.”

You hung your head while holding your breath. This was a conversation you had always seen coming. Stone still, you listened intently to your best friend while waiting to make a response.

“I'm sorry, but I am interested in only one gender, not bisexual like you have probably been hoping. Given my dating preferences you have seen, you know we will never be partnered.” His apologies would have continued but were interrupted by the long breath you let out. Mingi put a gentle hand on your shoulder and found the words to continue, hoping you could be forgiving in time. He would hate to lose you from his life if you did not take this well. “Please know this is no reflection on you as a person, you have always been a dear friend to me, and I hope that can continue as long as you are not hung up on what could have been between us.”

When his arm was solidly hit by you as you laughingly called him vain, he realized you were taking the loss of him as a soulmate far better than he could have hoped. Curious, he watched a sense of relief cross your face.

“Wonderful, and I mean that truly. This is the best possible news.”

Now it was Mingi's turn to flounder. “Come on now, I'm not that bad to consider, right?”

“Of course not, I still get to admire you, and the view is great. I consider gazing upon your beauty a perk of our friendship.”

“You are such a tease!” The mock indignation in your friend's voice was familiar ground, and welcome to your ears. “That's enough buttering. Tell me, what is it really that has you smiling?”

It was difficult to suppress your grin. “I am aromantic. I never wanted you either, and had always worried there was a chance I would have to let you down one day. The soulmate scare from our matching designs made me think that time was finally here.”

Mingi remained unconvinced, “But the way you look at me, I always thought you wanted something I could not provide.”

“I just think you are really a neat person.” The excitement in your voice helped him understand you were being truthful, despite the wholly unexpected message. “I admire so much about you, love being your friend and around you all the time, but it has never been romantic appreciation.”

He blushed from the compliments. “All those times we were both concerned, makes me wish we had been completely open with each other from the start.”

“I am still interested in looking for an apartment together, if that works for you, Mingi. I never want to be far from my soulmate best friend.”

Resting his chin in his hands, Mingi considered the issue. “Maybe you really are my soulmate, and we are destined to be together. Nobody says bonds have to be romantic.” Nodding thoughtfully, he added, “You are on then.”

It was months later when Mingi was spending a lazy Sunday morning on the couch swiping through a dating app. While most people used the soulmate symbol database to find their match, others rejected the concept and tried to forge their own relationships. With his own soulmate bond to a non-romantic partner, Mingi had decided to give the app a try and was looking over prospective dates.

From the kitchen of the apartment you shared, you heard his whoop of joy, then were practically bowled over as he rushed in to show the photo of a person with a soulmate mark that seemed to match yours and Mingi's. An excited messaging session later, including some exchanged wrist photos, led to Mingi getting a date that night.

Not only did the romantic couple seem to be made for each other, once you met Mingi's partner several dates later, you warmed to them immediately. The feeling was mutual, and by the time they moved into the apartment permanently, the two of you were fast friends for life.

A little internet sleuthing turned up other rare cases of soulmate trios or larger groups, but as far as you could discover, you were the only aromantic person partnered as a soulmate to a romantic couple. Despite the novelty, it worked for your household. Even with unusual looks thrown your way when out in public together, you displayed your matching marks proudly because nothing made you happier than to be bonded nonromantically to your two best friends.

~

Mingi Masterlist

General Masterlist

Masterlist of Stories with No Reader Romance

Masterlist by Tropes and Themes

[boydepartment]

From sheep anon:

Oh boy, so I originally wanted to write about how I discovered skz, but then I saw the reasoning behind your username and I wanted to share a bit of my life with you. And then I realized that if I wrote all that I wanted to say, you would have a entire college thesis in your request box. So, uh, I'll try to condense this message as much as possible without losing the "rawness" of it. I'm actually really nervous about sending this message that I can feel my hands shaking. I hope this can inspire confidence in yourself and your writing. It's a bit of a vulnerable story, so don't read yet if you feel like it would bring your mood down, but I hope it helps you. =)

While reading your story behind your username, it reminded me of myself in some ways. I never felt like I had a talent or purpose in life. Like I was never destined for something that I could spend my entire life on chasing. I looked at other people who had a goal and knew what they wanted to do in life, and then looked at myself and saw nothing. So, I just believed that since I didn't have a talent, I would just have to work twice, no ten times harder than others. I would have to put in more effort in my work to make up for my lack of purpose. That's why your response to me was so precious. I felt like my reason for existing was to spread positivity and kindness, even if the world was cruel. To make people smile and laugh, and to prove to my younger self that the world was filled with kind people that would help each other. That's why I'll be eternally grateful for your comment and I hope you remember that we're here for you through thick and thin.

It's a whole lot easier to articulate things in my head, so I hope that was comprehensible. I believe that the most valuable part of writing is that it can connect people through shared emotions and inspire empathy and understanding. I don't really know how to end this, but here's quote from a wish that my past self had: "I want to be there for others, to support other people when they're feeling down and during the good times. Celebrate the wins and the losses. I want to live for others, see their pain and help them through it. So that one day, I can give the same kind of kindness to myself." Not sure if that's great advice, but maybe it'll help you during tough times. You are so strong for getting to where you are now, and you should be proud of what you have accomplished. Stay hydrated and remember that it's okay to not be okay. Hugs for everyone (⁠づ⁠｡⁠◕⁠‿⁠‿⁠◕⁠｡⁠)⁠づ

- 🐑

Sheep anon you never fail to amaze me with your messages in my request box. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share your story with me. It truly means a lot that you are comfortable enough here on my tumblr to share. Spreading positivity as your purpose in life is so admirable, I am so glad you have found it. People like you make the world a little brighter day by day and we need that. Thank you for your advice, and thank you for making my day a little brighter with your messages. Remember to get sun today if you can, and stay healthy. I heard green tea has a lot of health benefits, especially if you add honey <3 Thank you again my dear for making the world a little sweeter

[reviewsbykarla]

2018 in 10 albums

This was the year that I slept on most albums, but this was also the year where my annual soundtrack dug the deepest. Every song and album I listened to this year on repeat, came to me at a time when I needed it most, when it hit me the hardest. 2018 was truly the most terrible but most amazing year, and I am so, so grateful.

Instead of rating these albums in order of least favorite to most favorite, I will rate them in order of how they impacted my year.

(April - June) Kacey Musgraves: Golden Hour

If I had to chose a number one, it would be this album, because of the moments it got me through. I felt a lot of confusion, fear and uncertainty this year, but I also felt love and adoration and excitement and hope. Kacey Musgraves sings about how she's figured things out a bit, how she's built up even more confidence, but sings it all with this dose of realism that reminds you "life can be really fucking hard and weird but it's also such a blessing to be alive and having real experiences".

Two of my best friends totaled my car at the same time I had this album on heavy rotation. As I raced to meet them hours away in the middle of the night, sobbing and imaging a world in which I didn't have them, getting messages from them apologizing about my car, I kept reminding myself that I have to cherish every second I have with every person that I love. Driving away from the scene, back to reality, with two of the most important people in my life who survived a totaled car with no bumps or bruises, listening to Golden Hour, was really, truly, the most golden hour of my year.

(July-August) Tierra Whack: Whack World

This was the year of podcasts. I always enjoyed podcasts but this year I REALLY enjoyed podcasts. Tierra Whack was an artist I heard about on a podcast, and I was very intrigued. What turned out to be a short, fun, unique album, reminded me that not everything needs to be so serious. Even if it is serious, there is so much lightness in being.

(August-September) Channel Tres EP

Channel Tres came to me right around my birthday. I was feeling good, I was feeling happy, I was definitely ready to finally let loose and party. This EP is fire. I can't listen to it without grooving and smiling. What could have been an EDM album turned into an album reminiscent of the deep house that I always want to hear at the club, but it's so rare to find.

(August-September) Liz Cooper and the Stampede: Window Flowers

I missed Liz Cooper this year. I could have seen her play in June, but I showed up to the concert late because I was busy watching puffins. But I heard she was great, so I kept her on my radar. This album came out not much later, and it brought me back to that weekend in Maine, where I accomplished one big thing I set out to do that year, and said fuck it to everything because I was enjoying every moment of that summer and I was letting myself be happy and seize every moment and feeling that came my way. Liz Cooper's album covers a lot of ground lyrically and instrumentally, and is such an enjoyable listen from beginning to end. It feels and sounds like Maine, and will always take me there.

(September-October) Black Belt Eagle Scout: Mother of my Children

Mother of my Children is one of the most incredible albums of this year. Instrumentally, it's brilliant. Lyrically, you can really feel every word that Katherine Paul lets out. This album is about loss and mourning. You can feel the tragedy, you can feel the pain, you can feel the hope. This album gave me courage.

(October) Adrianne Lenker: abysskiss

Abysskiss gave me the space to reflect on a long, exhausting, painful and rewarding year. Adrianne Lenker has this talent where she can make an album seem so softspoken, but she is cutting through the air with a knife, saying more than you realize. These are the kinds of albums that bring me comfort but also never fail to make me cry.

(October-November) Teyanna Taylor: K.T.S.E.

K.T.S.E. was that album that made me feel like I could do whatever I wanted with whoever I wanted. This modernist soul album is smooth, silky, interesting, exciting, explicit, and everything I wanted to be listening to at that moment. There are moments in this short album where it feels like Teyanna Taylor maybe took on too much too soon, but she executes it with so much confidence that I don't even care. It's fire.

(November) Rick Rude: Verb for Dreaming

Sometimes I get really angry, and all I can do is laugh about it and feel a little rebellious. This album inspires that feeling. It came out right after I saw Rick Rude in concert, and I am still feeling a tiny bit of angst while walking down the street with my headphones on.

(November - December) Mac Miller: Swimming

All of the feelings hit me like a school bus when I started listening to Swimming. The pain, the sadness, the denial, the anger - for everything; for a year I wish never happened, but for a year that made me more whole of a person. I thought about running, I thought about leaving like I usually do. I felt connected to everyone's sadness in a way I had never thought possible.

I felt so much when I discovered this album and I felt closer to those people who were hurting around me. Mac Miller's last album conveys so much emotion, and is so well produced, every note and word digs in to you deep and hard. Also, Thundercat.

(November - December) The Marias: Superclean Vol. 2

Now that the year is almost over, I look back and feel proud that I accomplished many of the things i set out to do. It was the year that I learned just how strong I really am, the year I realized how real my emotions can be, and how much I can convince myself of things that I just make up in my head, of my tendency to self-sabotage. This was the year that I felt everything, and at the end of it I am feeling lucky, happy, more trusting of myself, and just of life in general. Listening to The Marias, this feeling of pure happiness and acceptance washes over me. Their dreamy sound is just that, dreamy, and it makes me all giddy inside. It reminds me that we all really need to take advantage of every fucking second and just enjoy the moments we are in while we are in them, with the people who are here to share them with us.

Thank you :-)

[wisdomseeker02]

Tarot services

Pick a card (Pick a sticker) Tarot reading

The next good thing that will happen ✨️

Please REBLOG so this message can reach more people and my hard work not to have been for nothing. Thank you 💕

Group 1, Girls like girls like boys do. 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩: My dear group number one, the next good thing that will happen to you is that what you've been trying to manifest will come true or you will see clear signs that it is coming true and you are on the right path. You will gain more confidence in your manifestation, you will know that what you're doing isn't in vain. You will be making clear, structured plans for the future and taking confident action. You might also be manifesting confidence in yourself. You are about to stop dimming your light for other people and start shining bright. You're about to heal you low self-esteem and turn it into true confidence in yourself. The next good thing that will happen to you could also be some kind of clarity that you're going to get about what next steps to take. That might be what you've been trying to manifest. It might be that what your intuition is telling you, your psychic abilities will become more clear to you. Your spiritual abilities, tarot reading abilities maybe, are about to get heightened. You're about to get some kind of clarity, some kind of answer you've been waiting for. A clear head is what I heard. You're about to get rid of some kind of worries, fears, distractions and clear your head, become more peaceful and be able to make a decision about the next steps to take.

Group 2, Nietzsche quote 🖤: Dear group number two, I see that you may have not been feeling really great lately, you might have gone through a loss, you feel like you have nothing left, there is true sadness here. You might feel like nothing is worth it anymore even. You have a lack mentality. The next good thing that I see happening to you is you actually trying to get better and recover from this loss, and this sadness. It's you actually having the desire to get better, the desire to live. You will set the intention for things to improve and turn the cards in your favour. And from then on, everything will start getting better. Your vibes will be becoming more positive. You will actually start having hope and stop feeling like you can't get better or you are beyond saving. There's no such thing, love. You can get better and you will, trust me, I've been there. You will be unblocking your heart chakra, so that new good things could start flowing into your life.

Group 3, Love 💔: Group number 3, the next good thing that will happen to you is indeed love. You're going to have someone who will truly love you and take care of you. They will be your strength and be there for you, to hold you, even in the hard moments. And that is all thanks to you having done the work and unblocked your heart chakra. Your heart is now open to receive all the blessings that the universe has for you. It might also be that the next good thing that will happen to you is you loving yourself more, you being your own strength and supporting yourself. You will be becoming more confident and sure of yourself. More courageous and decisive. You will truly love and take care of yourself. If you want something you will be sure to go and get it, that's the badass energy you're going to have. You might be the one who's going to go get that lover you want to take care of. You're going to get the person you've been wanting. You're going to get the confidence to flirt with your crush. You might even get it on with the person you want to get it on with. Or maybe you will find your top/bottom. 🙃

If you feel like helping me out and encouraging me to make more pick-a-cards like this, you can tip me here ❤️

Thanks for tuning in, loves 🥰

[aphrostarot]

Love Letter To Yourself Pick a Pile

The purpose of this reading is for you to hear everything that is loveable, admirable, and good about you from your guides and take those things and write a love letter to yourself. Since it is the month of love, I wanted to focus on self-love. After all, valentines day is not only about love between two people, but also about you loving yourself. So, I hope you will take the messages you heard from this reading and allow them to inspire you to write a love letter to yourself so you can find out what it is like to be truly in love with yourself.

If you enjoyed this reading and wanted to support me further you can do so by tipping me here, becoming a patron here, or even booking a personal reading with me here.

Pile One:

What is something loveable about you?

Five of Pentacles and The High Priestess:

I believe you have suffered a great deal of pain and loss in your life. You may have struggled for quite some time, living in that darkness that was created by all the loss you had endured. In the midst of all that darkness, something lovely grew, and that thing is your intuition. Your strength is in your ability to just know things. Regardless of whether you realize it or not, you have a powerful ability to see the truth in any situation. It is this ability that motivates you to seek positive experiences only. Knowing what lows are like and how they feel, you never want to experience something similar, so you only look for the positives.

What is something admirable about you?

Seven of Pentacles:

The most admirable aspect of yourself is that you can take what the world gives you and turn it into a positive. In the past, you have allowed the negatives to bring you down and hold you there but you are no longer like that. Now, you take whatever is given to you and keep moving forward. Your ability to never stop or even look back when things get hard is very admirable.

What is something you should give yourself credit for?

The Tower:

You have definitely experienced a Tower moment in the past, which is the reason why you were in such a dark place for such a long time. A tower moment occurs when everything in your life comes crashing down around you, leaving you to deal with the aftermath and having to rebuild from the ground up. People don't often realize that Tower moments are actually beneficial. During this rebuild, it is hell on earth, but it is meant for you to realize who you were in the past is no longer who you were meant to be, and in this rebuild, you are meant to be heading towards your destiny. The Tower moments are almost always hell on earth when they happen, but they can be very simple if you are prepared for them, and Spirit will always warn you when they are coming, so, if you have gone through a Tower moment and it was the worst thing you have ever experienced, it is most likely because you ignored the warnings from your guides. I believe that this is exactly what happened in the past with you but, you are through all of that darkness and you have now rebuilt yourself into the person you are meant to be. You are so much closer to your guides and the messages they provide for you (your intuition) and it is time that you start to give yourself credit for surviving all that darkness and emerging a beautiful person.

How can you improve the way you love yourself?

Justice:

You do not treat yourself fairly. The Justice card tells you that now is the time for you to look at the facts and to be truthful, and in this case, it is meaning when you are dealing with yourself. The way for you to improve the way you love yourself is, to be honest with yourself and fair to yourself. Perhaps you think you aren't a good person or that you don't deserve love, but that couldn't be further from the truth and it is time that you realized that.

Oracle Reading

Pile Two:

What is something loveable about you?

Strength:

It doesn't matter what life throws at you, you always come out on top. You are loved because of your strength and courage to deal with any difficult situation you have been placed in. In addition to being courageous, you also maintain your composure, which only adds to your strength. Your strength makes everyone around you love you, and it's time that you see yourself as lovable because of that strength.

What is something admirable about you?

Two of Wands:

Working well with others is what makes you admirable. I see you in a group setting at either work or school and this group is not the one that you would have chosen but you still somehow make it work. Your ability to put your feelings aside when it comes to getting things done is excellent. No matter how much you want to work alone, you know that it isn't always possible, and you know that it is not productive to get upset and make it harder for other people to get their work done. Your guides say that this is extremely admirable.

What is something you should give yourself credit for?

The Sun and Eight of Pentacles:

You are someone who knows what makes them happy and only does things that will make them happy. You are certain about what you will allow in your life and how you will let things into your life. This is not something to be overlooked or minimized. Having this quality makes you an incredibly strong individual, and your guides are telling you here that it is time you began to give yourself credit for it. You are a person who will not accept anything less than your expectations and that is a wonderful characteristic. It's time that you realize this.

How can you improve the way you love yourself?

The Moon:

You may be too hard on yourself and viewing yourself from a negative point of view, and that is not helping you. In order to truly love yourself, you need a change in your life. It can be quite challenging to gain mental clarity, but it is important in your case. Consider moon meditation, connecting with crystals, and giving thanks to the moon. Stay grounded during this time as well.

Oracle Reading

Pile Three:

What is something loveable about you?

Four of Swords:

You are the type of person who knows when to take a break and take a step back to allow yourself to rest. Your social battery may drain quite quickly and when this happens you know exactly what to do in order to recharge. This is something that is extremely loveable about you, that you know the exact way to take care of yourself.

What is something admirable about you?

Ten of Swords:

Your guides are saying that the most admirable thing about you is your ability to get through the darkest of times. You are someone who doesn’t allow yourself to be stuck in darkness, you always want to push forward to the more positive times. It is time for you to start to recognize that this is very admirable.

What is something you should give yourself credit for?

King of Cups and Seven of Wands:

You may have experienced some sort of fight in the past that left your life in shambles. Everyone in your life may have thought you would end up making a scene of some sort. I get the feeling that you are the person who keeps their composure no matter what but this fight made people think you would finally break your composure. However, that was not the case, you kept your composure and stayed very empathetic in your approach to this person. You need to be giving yourself credit for this.

How can you improve the way you love yourself?

The World:

The World is all about completion and endings, what this means is that you need to completely change the way you are loving yourself. It is time for you to find a new way for you to love yourself, try something you have never tried before because what you are currently doing is not serving yourself at all.

Oracle Reading

Pile Four:

rWhat is something loveable about you?

Five of Cups and Nine of Wands:

You may have been easily fooled in the past, too trusting and this has caused you a lot of pain. However, you are not like that anymore because of the amount of pain you have been through. You are someone who knows when they are being fooled and you try to stand up for yourself much more than you have in the past to hopefully fend off any pain that may be brought on by these people. Your guides are saying that this is what makes you so loveable. Your ability to know what is good for you.

What is something admirable about you?

Knight of Cups:

You have very loving intentions in everything you do or at least you try to have loving intentions. This is something that is very admirable about you and it is time that you start to recognize this. You have good intentions even when you are trying to stand up for yourself you are still a good person. Do not feel bad for standing up for yourself.

What is something you should give yourself credit for?

Queen of Cups:

You are very loyal to the people in your life. No matter what they do you will stick by their side. This is not a common quality and this is the reason why your friends love you so much. You are not one to judge the people in your life and this helps keep people in your life. Your guides are saying that it is time for you to give yourself credit for being such a good friend.

How can you improve the way you love yourself?

Two of Swords:

You know that there needs to be a change in the way you are loving yourself yet you continue to not make those moves. You may be afraid to make these changes and this is holding you back in life. Your guides are saying that it's time for you to make this change that you have been holding off for quite some time.

Oracle Reading

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

Seized

An addition to Approval. Do not read this until reading that first. 

Character: Bruce Wayne x Fem!Reader // Damian Wayne x Batmom

Summary: What happens when Talia Al Ghul learns that someone has stolen the affections of her past lover and her son?

Word Count: 3,000 [One Shot]

“Delinquents have been detained. I can hear the sirens,” Damian stated calmly in his comms.

“Good work, Robin. You know where to meet me. You have a minute,” Bruce responded as he whipped the bat mobile through Crime Alley to grab his son.

Just as Damian opened the door and hopped in, an alarm went off within the vehicle.

“The Manor,” Damian thought aloud as he read the screens with his father.

Bruce ignored his comment and was calling Alfred immediately.

“Master Wayne,” the butler instantly picked up. “I followed protocol, but they were already gone when I arrived.”

“Y/N…” Bruce immediately asked.

“They took her,” Alfred told him, distress clear in his tone.

Damian’s head whipped to his father to watch his reaction.

But Bruce’s jaw only tightened and he sped the batmobile even faster.

Returning faster to Wayne Manor than ever before, Bruce jumped out of the batmobile and up the secret entrance to get to the main house.

Damian was hot on his heels. He’d already sent an encrypted message to his brothers, informing them of the situation. It was only a matter of time before they were at the manor as well. Though Damian suspected Jason would not come, instead already starting to scour the streets of Gotham for Y/N and her captors.

Alfred was already waiting for them. “Master Wayne, I am so sorry.”

Bruce ignored him and walked to the master bedroom. Y/N would’ve been sleeping when the attack occurred. It wouldn’t have mattered if she had been awake, she had no training in self defense. She was merely an innocent civilian.

“Father,” Damian muttered quietly.

Bruce turned around to find his son ripping a shuriken out of the door frame.

They shared a look, both recognizing the particular shape and color.

“The League…” Damian muttered quietly, saying what they both were thinking.

——————

Y/N was barely awake.

They clearly had drugged her with something to make her more compliant. Everything was foggy and muffled.

Yet they still tied her hands and ankles together, as if her brain could even manage to get her body to move.

But Y/N could feel the effects of the drugs losing their strength, yet keeping their hold on her.

She squinted as she looked around. The air felt different. It was colder and dryer, making Y/N believe that she was no longer in Gotham. Little did she know, she wasn’t even in the country any longer.

“I do not know what he sees in you,” a woman hummed from somewhere in the room.

Y/N blinked as he listened, but her eyes could not adjust to the low lighting and she didn’t even have the strength to turn her head.

“You are weak. Ripped from your own bed without so much as a fight.”

Then she heard the grunts and clashing of metal.

The woman smiled. “Right as expected, my son.”

Y/N’s brow furrowed at ‘my son.’ Then she finally lifted her head and took in her surroundings. There were swords and other weapons stored everywhere, and there was armor hung from the walls.

“Talia?” She whispered.

The woman chuckled. “Weak, but not utterly foolish.”

Then the door of the room was thrown open.

Y/N looked to see Damian in his Robin uniform.

“My son, finally returned," Talia greeted with a smirk.

“Mother.” Then his gaze flickered to Y/N. Very subtly, he was scanning her body to access any possible injuries.

His gaze turned back to his mother. “What is the meaning of this?”

“You have forgotten where you come from, Damian. You are not just the heir to the Wayne family. Before anything else, you are my son and the heir to Ra's al Ghul’s throne.”

“She has nothing to do with this,” Damian said with a gesture to Y/N.

“She has everything to do with this,” Talia snapped. “She has made you weak.”

Damian said nothing.

“She has taken you both from me,” Talia growled.

“Father does not love you,” he growled.

“A small lapse in judgment on his part, but not something that cannot be remedied. Our love gave us you, and I fully believe he will return to me.”

“His heart belongs to someone else. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can give up your fantasy.” Then he hesitated to say the next part. “I never plan on returning to The League of Shadows. I wish to stay with father.”

Talia’s amusement vanished at her sons words.

The next second, she unsheathed her sword. “Perhaps I should just kill her and remind you of your place, my son.”

With that, Damian rushed forward and intercepted Talia’s attack with his own sword.

“Do not touch her,” Damian growled.

Their swords continued to clash as the mother and son fought each other. The fight raged on for what felt like forever. Too evenly matched, but also both too terrible at hiding that neither actually wanted to kill the other.

In the distance, Y/N could hear even more fighting. She could only assume it was Bruce fighting his way to her and his son.

Talia and Damian’s swords locked again, both of their stances shaking from the hold.

“Do you really think you and your father stand a chance against the entire League? Why do you think we lured you all the way here? You are outnumbered.” Talia hissed.

“You think us foolish enough to come alone?” Damian smirked right before there was a boom that shook the entire compound.

Talia’s focus slipped half a second, allowing Damian a window to go on the offense.

He flipped his mother’s sword out of her grip and held his own to her throat.

“Yield,” he growled down to her.

“You truly choose her over your own mother?” The hurt in her eyes was clear.

“You abandoned me, used me as a tool to disrupt father’s life. She taught me that there is more to life than killing and destroying. She loves me and care for me, even when I gave her no reason to do so.”

“And it will be the death of you,” Talia warned.

He glared at her. “Yield!”

But he knew she would never. So he whipped out a dart and blew it to her neck – a sedative.  It knocked her out within seconds.

Waiting until he was sure it had worked, Damian sheathed his sword once again and ran to Y/N’s side.

With a knife, he cut the ropes around her wrists and ankles.

“D-Damian,” her voice was still slurred from the drugs and she was weak. How long had she been here without food or water? “I don’t think I can walk."

Damian helped her to her feet. “Y/N, please try,” he begged as he wrapped her around around his shoulders. He was still just a boy, one that was shorter than her. But he wouldn’t give up that easily.

There was another explosion.

“What’s-What’s happening?” Y/N asked as she dragged her feet and held on tightly.

“That would be Todd, most likely taking his job of distracting to an unnecessary level.”

“You all came?” She asked in shock.

“Of course,” Damian scoffed.

Suddenly an object came flying at them and Y/N cried out in pain.

“No!” Damian bellowed as he looked up to see that another League member was attempting to stop their escape. And with it, they had thrown a shuriken that had landed in Y/N’s side.

She dropped to the ground.

Damian screamed as he unsheathed his sword once again and charged the assassin. It wouldn’t take him long. He knew that every minute spent fighting was a minute Y/N was bleeding out and edging closer to death.

He didn’t hold back like he had with his mother and quickly disarmed the enemy. Then thrusting his sword into a nonfatal area of his body, enough to neutralize him. 

Damian rushed back to Y/N’s side, where a pool of blood was forming from her wound.

He knew it was useless, but he still tried to lift Y/N into his arms to carry her. He cried out in both panic and frustration.

The building had now caught aflame due to Jason’s explosions. Damian would need to call for backup, hoping one of his older brothers could help.

Then a shadow was cast over him.

Damian tensed, believing it to be another attack.

But he looked up to find his father standing before them.

However, Bruce’s gaze was on his unconscious girlfriend.

With the arrival of his father, Damian’s cold and calculating disposition melted.

“She’s hurt,” his voice trembled and tears formed in his eyes. “Help her.”

Damian rarely cried. He cried less than grown men. He was raised that way. It didn’t help that his father was not a great example of healthy emotional expression.

But Bruce knew what his sons tears were for: Damian was frustrated, he felt weak, and he thought he had failed his mission. But most of all, Bruce knew his son was crying for fear of Y/N’s death. Because the boy had grown to love her.

As if there were a world when Bruce wouldn’t give his own life to save Y/N.

Bruce bent down and carefully brought Y/N into his arms.

Damian heard her mutter his father’s name, though still delirious from both the drugs he’s sure his mother pumped into her and the blood loss.

“Red Robin, get the jet to my coordinates immediately,” Bruce instructed through his comms.

Damian wondered how his father could be so calm when the woman he loved was bleeding out in his arms. This wasn’t bat business, this was personal. But Bruce spoke like it was just another night of patrol.

A few minuets later, Damian and Bruce had fought their way through the flames and burning compound.

Tim lowered the platform of the jet.

Damian made sure his father and Y/N got on before he followed. He turned and gave one last look at the burning compound that would no longer exist come morning. He did not fear for his mother’s life. He knew someone from the League would come for her – if she didn’t save herself first.

When he boarded the jet, his father already had Y/N on the surgical table that elevated from the jet floor.

Bruce had taken off his cowl, allowing Damian and his brothers to study his expressions.

Damian had been wrong about his father handling the situation like any other mission. For now he could see the terror and worry in his father’s eyes, despite him trying to control his emotions.

Damian looked to Jason, who still had his Red Hood helmet on.

“My grandfather?” He asked his brother.

“Escaped,” Jason muttered.  

Damian stepped forward to help Bruce with Y/N’s injuries.

“She’ll be OK,” he muttered to his father.

All of them had high-level medical training to know.

Thankfully the assassin’s aim was not great and didn’t land in lethal place on Y/N’s body. But she still lost a lot of blood and would need many stitches.

All the brother’s shared a look when Bruce ignored the statement. 

———

Y/N woke up to someone gripping her hand. She recognized from the smell and the feel of the bedding that she was in Bruce’s bed at the manor.

She winced as she opened her eyes to find Bruce was the one holding her hand as he sat in a chair only inches away from the side of the bed.

“Hi,” she whispered to him with a sad smile.

“Hi,” he said back with a smirk.

“How long have I been asleep?”

“Two days.”

Then Y/N looked past Bruce to realize there was someone else in the room.

Damian passed out on the velvet chaise that was pushed against the windows.

“He hasn’t left your side,” Bruce told her. “Dick had to convince him just to take a shower for 5 minutes when we first got back.”

Y/N’s heart melted at the revelation.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

The sound of Bruce’s voice as he said it made Y/N’s gaze snap back to him. Had it shook? Or was she imagining it?

Y/N squeezed his hand that was still wrapped around hers. 

“I know,” she told him with a sympathetic look.

He hid it well, but Y/N knew Bruce. And she knew that her being kidnapped from his own home probably drove him mad with guilt. She wouldn’t be surprised if he’d already designed an entirely new security system to prevent something like that ever happening again.

Bruce took in a shaky breath and opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

He wanted to say that he always feared her being with him would put her in danger like this. 

He wanted to say that maybe she should stay away from him. 

He wanted to say that him and the kids didn’t deserve her. 

He wanted to say that the only reason this happened is because Talia hated that she loved her son better than she ever did.

But Bruce had never been good at saying how he actually felt – or even acknowledging he had any feelings at all.

So Y/N brought his hand to her lips and kissed his knuckles. “Bruce, I know,” she said once again.

“I won’t let it happen again. I promise you,” he told her evenly.

“Bruce, I knew what I signed up for when you told me you were Batman. If I wasn’t willing to face the reality of it, I wouldn’t have stayed.”

“No one would’ve blamed you if you hadn’t.”

There was a knock at the door and then it opened a second later.

Damian jumped awake at the sound. But then he quickly brought his attention to Y/N. “You’re awake.”

But everyone’s attention was on Dick, who was standing at the open doorway.

“Hey,” he greeted Y/N, surprised to see that she was awake. “How are you feeling?”

“Sore. Tired. But I’ll be alright.”

He seemed to relax from her answer.

Then he winced when he looked at Bruce. “They put the signal up.”

Bruce’s jaw tightened.

He was about to open his mouth to ask them to handle it, not wanting to leave Y/N alone now that she had woken up.

“Go, Bruce. I’ll be OK.” Y/N told him, reading his mind.

“I think it’s the Joker,” Dick added with a serious frown.

“Bruce, go.” Y/N repeated.

And he saw the sincerity in her eyes. He leaned forward and kissed her gently, deciding he didn’t care if his two sons were witnesses to the intimacy.

Then Bruce kissed her forward. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Alfred will be here if you need anything. Do not hesitate to call.”

Y/N nodded.

Bruce stood up and acknowledged Damian and Dick. “Let’s go.”

Once they were ways down the hall, Bruce heard Damian stop.

“Father?”

Bruce and Dick both turned to face Damian.

“I wish to stay with Y/N.”

Bruce and Dick shared a look, and then Dick decided to give the two a moment alone and muttered something about waiting in the cave.

Bruce walked back to his youngest son.

Damian’s gaze was glued on the floor. “Mother truly would’ve killed her?”

Bruce sighed. “Most likely, yes.” He saw no point in lying to his son.

“Because she knows that you and I love her?”

“Yes.”

Damian was quiet for a moment. But Bruce knew he had more to say.

“I used to think I had to earn it.”

Bruce frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Mother’s love. I had to earn it. Win in combat. Successfully execute a target. Outsmart a puzzle or challenge.” Damian looked up at his father with a broken expression. “Her love always came with a price.”

Bruce kneeled down to his son.

The boy shook his head. “But Y/N made me realize that I don’t have to earn anyone’s love. I don’t have to prove that I’m worthy of it.” He bit his lip. “She’s not my father or my brother. She didn’t have to love me. But she does…even when I did nothing to earn it.”

“Everyone is deserving of love, Damian.” Bruce gripped his son’s shoulder. “I’m sorry for not teaching you that myself.”

Damian nodded. “So, may I please stay with her tonight? I don’t want her to be alone.” But then he quickly corrected himself. “Unless of course, you require my assistance, father.”

Bruce smirked at him. “I think we will manage, Damian.” Then he squeezed his shoulder. “Look after her for me, alright?”

Damian relaxed and quickly nodded his head. “Of course, father.”

When Bruce returned hours later, Damian was cuddled next to Y/N in the bed. But clearly laying in a position to be mindful of her injuries. Both were fast asleep. The bright television was the only thing lighting the room, as it played a Pixar movie.

Bruce couldn’t help but grin at the sight.

“I got him,” Dick whispered to him before stepping into the room and carefully lifting the boy in his arms, clearing the space in the bed for Bruce to join Y/N.

Bruce moved about the room as he changed into cotton shorts and went without a shirt.

Y/N woke slightly as he joined her in bed.

“Everything OK?” She whispered sleepily.

“Everything’s fine. Did Damian keep you company?”

Y/N smiled and shifted her body so she was cuddle into him. “Yes…my little protector.”

Bruce smiled at that. “Don’t let him hear the ‘little’ part…”

She chuckled. “Good call.” 

And then she was fast asleep once again.

-----------------------

Please, please, please let me know what you think! 

[alatusxiaoo]

because i will love you until i die, and even longer still

content: angst, learning to move on

character/s: albedo

note: i’m really excited to share this one with you guys!! i have been thinking about this angst prompt for a while now, and it basically centers the concept of grief and loss. i believe it’s a truly difficult journey to wrap your head around the loss of a loved one. sometimes even the smallest of their habits and likes that you’ve picked up still breathes life into them even when they’re gone. i think it’s a beautiful yet sorrowful lesson to experience in life - to learn that love isn’t always about holding on, but letting go - and it’s seriously inspired me to write this albedo story. for now i hope you’ll still enjoy and have a lovely day!!

ALBEDO

Happy birthday, my love.

Albedo jolted up from his sudden slumber, frantically glancing around his empty laboratory.

I thought I heard her…

He blinks, puzzle for a moment, before fully shaking himself awake and running a hand through his unkempt hair in frustration. How did he end up falling asleep in the middle of his work? And a very important project at that.

He glances down at the stacks of scrolls scattered around his desk and the heaps of books dispersed in the room - starting from the area near his feet trailing all the way to the exit of his laboratory.

I was a bit confused on what to give you as a birthday present, so I ended up sticking with a letter instead.

He stands up and stretches his arms, groaning sloppily from exhaustion. Albedo knew he had to clean before doing anything else - you would have reprimanded the life out of him if you saw his mess of a workroom.

It was currently 9:30 in the morning, and his stomach angrily grumbled, urging him to get some food. He ignored the persistent pain, bending down to gather the fallen books and trash disposed all around the room.

I hope you don’t mind this gift - there are also a few things I need to convey to you in my message as well.

A flurry of soft raps echoed throughout the silent laboratory from the entryway. Never batting an eye at the wooden door, Albedo continued to put away a few more items before eventually responding to the knocks. “Come in.”

The door creaks open, a shy and high pitched voice severing the tranquility of the area. “Mister Albedo, it’s me.”

“Sucrose.” He hums, acknowledging her presence. “What do you need?”

She awkwardly fiddled with her fingers. “You’ve been stuck in here for weeks. I was wondering if you wanted to go out and have breakfast with us. And Klee…insists for your appearance.”

Are you well? Have you been taking breaks like I’ve asked you to?

Albedo shakes his head, dusting his hands off as he stands up. “You know I can’t do that.”

Sucrose sighs. “I knew it.”

“So why bother coming anyway?” He asks, looking around the now tidy room.

She huffed at his stubbornness. “Mister Albedo, you know that isn’t good for your health. If Y/N were here-“

A loud crash echoes throughout the laboratory.

“Don’t say that.”

He seethes through clenched teeth, pent up frustration boiling in the pit of his stomach. In a fit of anger, Albedo’s hands had shoved the previously neat pile of books he arranged, and sent them flying back to the ground.

Even after all these years, hearing your name roll out of anyone’s mouth still sends him into a sensitive and frenzied state.

Sucrose knows that he is slowly dying inside. Anyone could see it in those lifeless pools of teal. Countless days and nights were spent locked up in the tiny room, experiment after experiment only to get his expectations crushed. It had eventually reached a point where even the archons could tell that the great and brilliant Albedo was simply clinging on to the last thin strings of false hope.

“Are you sure this is going to work?”

“I’d voluntarily exhaust the rest of my life making sure it does.” Albedo retorts, eyes fixated at the mess beneath his feet, never daring to meet hers.

Sucrose nods, glancing with pity at the unreadable man with clenched fists standing in front of her.

As I thought. He’s still persistent.

“Alchemy has it’s limits too. That’s all I’m saying.”

Without another word, she quietly slips away through the exit, making sure to shut the door behind her and leave Albedo alone with the voices in his head.

I’ve spent a great deal of time trying to come up with the best way on how to celebrate your birthday.

Not again.

He scoffs, looking away from the scribbled writings on the board down to his chalk - once the length of his index finger, now reduced to a minuscule size. Tossing it behind his shoulder, his fingers dive in to reach for another, before it dawns upon him that he’s finally run out of it.

Archons, this is so damn irritating.

We could pick cecilias and stargaze on Starsnatch Cliff.

Albedo massaged his forehead in frustration, glancing over at the barricaded windows he blocked months ago to obstruct any light from entering the tiny room. It had been weeks since he left the laboratory, and he knew the day would eventually come when he depleted all of his necessary materials and needed to replenish his supplies once more.

Hesitantly reaching for his white dusty coat, he throws it on himself while delving through his pocket for his keys, before carefully approaching the exit of the dark and grimy laboratory.

Or perhaps we could have a nice picnic at Windrise and watch the dandelions flutter in the breeze.

The sun’s harsh glare that peeked through the towering establishments of Mondstadt caused Albedo to wince and squint his eyes at the sight of it.

Today was especially crowded than the usual, or perhaps he simply forgot how the world once looked like before he locked himself out of it. And the longer he stayed with the multitude, the more Albedo felt like he was suffocating as he presently stood amidst the packed jam of bustling citizens.

With one swift motion, he slithered through the crowd, muttering the occasional ‘excuse me’s or incoherent apologies to people who stood in his way.

We could even spend the day cooped up in your camp at Dragonspine. Anywhere is perfect as long as it’s with you.

“Chief Alchemist…?” Flora asks in confusion, blinking once more to check if her vision had betrayed her, upon staring at the man no one had seen for a long period of time.

“I need more flowers.” Albedo hands her a leather bag filled with coins. “Cecilias, if you will.”

“A-ah, right away!” She exclaims and quickly rushes to work, still a bit weirded out to acknowledge his existence back around the streets of Mondstadt.

Albedo tapped his foot in waiting, glancing around the area to make sure no one he knew would notice him.

“I..heard about what happened.” He hears Flora say, and looks back at her, with a bunch of potted Cecilias in a crate on her desk. “I’m sorry for your loss, Albedo.”

He shakes his head rapidly, picking up the crate. “It won’t be a loss soon enough.”

Flora doubtfully nodded as she watched him walk away, wondering if he truly came up with a solution that would eventually fix his problems, or if the alchemist was simply being…delusional.

Anywhere with you…

“Albedo?”

He freezes in his spot at the voice calling from behind him.

“Is that you?”

…Albedo, I have to tell you something.

A hand reaches to clasp his shoulder, and he forcefully comes face to face with familiar purple irises and an eyepatch.

“Wow…I never thought you had it in you to leave your laboratory.” Kaeya grinned at the short man.

Albedo shoved his hand off, beginning to pace away before gathering more unwanted attention. “I’m already headed back anyway.”

“So quickly?” The blue haired man chirpily asks, following right behind him. “You’re very persistent in this new project.”

“I would have greater progress in doing so and in making my way back if you’d just turn around and leave me alone.”

Kaeya clicks his tongue playfully. “Aw come on, at least have a drink with me. We haven’t properly talked together since-“

“Finish that sentence and I’ll make sure you never speak again.”

I’ve been denying it for a while now, because I feared losing a great deal just to admit the bitter truth.

Kaeya pauses upon hearing Albedo’s cold and unfamiliar tone. Everyone had been affected upon hearing the news, but Kaeya knew deep down that the blonde had suffered the worst out of them all.

“I know you’re grieving.” He says calmly, putting his hands in his pockets. “We all are. But you can’t just ignore the truth anymore.”

“You’re wrong.” Albedo counters, a wave of foreign emotions crashing around inside him. “I’ve never ignored the truth. I simply thought beyond it.”

Now that it’s standing right in front of me, I can’t just run away anymore like I did for a long time.

“Not even the archons are capable of doing this.” Kaeya says in a fit of frustration, throwing his hands up in the air. “And you seriously believe you can make it work? What the hell makes you so different, anyway?”

“The only difference between me and all of them is that I still haven’t given up.” He says scornfully, glaring over at the man’s direction.

“Not like the rest of you.”

So this is me being brave. I’m sorry it took so long for me to say to you.

Kaeya scoffs, astounded at his resolve. He was aware Albedo was highly intelligent and completely logical, yet at this rate he was just straying away from his original path.

So this is what he chose.

He looks down with surrender, solemnly nodding at the alchemist’s pitiful answer.

“Or perhaps you just don’t know how to let go.”

I’m dying. I think I have been, for a while now.

Albedo stands alone once more in his laboratory.

Perhaps you just don’t know how to let go.

He gently sets the crate of Cecilias on the ground, and carefully walks over to his desk, rummaging through scrolls and books until he finds what he’s looking for. Albedo reaches out for it, and hesitates for a second, before picking up a picture frame that had been face down for a while now.

They say it’s a rare disease - that I can’t be cured. And that I have two months left.

It was a photograph of you smiling amidst the dandelions, your white dress billowing in the wind. He remembers it like it was yesterday, watching you goofily twirl around barefoot in a bed of grass, while he grinned and held up a camera to capture the memory of your beauty.

The sound of your laughter haunts him until this day, and Albedo can hear it echoing around the empty room, almost as if you were standing right beside him. He shuts his eyes and swallows a bile forming in his throat, feeling tears prickle in the corners of his eyes.

“Albedo.”

That’s on your birthday.

The frame slips in between his hands and crashes onto the floor with a resounding smash.

His eyes flutter open upon realizing what he had done, absentmindedly staring at the broken glass beneath his boots.

Please stop calling me, Y/N.

A little too coincidental, if you ask me.

Perhaps it’s fate reaching out to the both of us, saying that it’s finally time to stop.

Weaving through the shards of glass, he carefully plucks your photo from the mess, with blood-tainted hands. He stands back up and stares at the scattered papers and notebooks spread across his desk - a sign of grueling work he wasted months perfecting, only to realize he hadn’t even reached half of it.

Alchemy has its limits too.

He falls back onto his chair, this time unable to stop the tears from tumbling down his cheeks, and the uncontrollable sob that escaped past his lips.

My love, I know it’s hard. I can’t even imagine my life if I was the one losing you.

The tucked away flashbacks of you start to slip out from the locked part of his mind, swirling around like a tornado that had been waiting to destroy everything around it. His vision blurs and the world spins, and for a moment he swears he can see you standing across his desk, looking down with tears at his vulnerable self.

But we have to remain brave even in the face of danger.

“I love you, Albedo.” You whisper, gripping his chilly hand tightly, smiling up at his teary face.

Even if it kills us.

“Please don’t leave me, Y/N.” He says, with a traitorous crack of his voice at the end of his sentence, unable to bear the sight of you weak and helpless on your deathbed.

Even if it means we end up alone at the end of the road.

“Big Brother Albedo?”

But that will never be the case for you.

Albedo finally looks up from his desk, stunned upon seeing the hazy figure of a little girl in red standing by the entrance of his lonely laboratory.

“…Klee?”

You will never end up alone in this path.

She hesitantly remains rooted in her spot, clutching the doorknob in her little grasp. “I - Sucrose told me I wasn’t allowed to come in…” Klee nods at herself. “But I heard a crash and I ran away, to see if you…were okay.”

Am I okay?

It takes a moment for him to process her words before he nods at her, hastily wiping the tears off his cheeks and sitting up straighter.

“I miss her too.” Klee quietly says with sorrowful eyes.

“But Big Sister Y/N won’t come back anymore.”

I know.

Promise me you won’t try to save me.

It was the simple and blunt truth, yet Albedo couldn’t help but run away at the face of it.

“You can…come in if you want.” He voices hoarsely, making gestures for her to do so.

She nods doubtfully, slowly walking over to his side, carefully stepping over the glass left on the ground.

Let us accept mortality, even if it makes us lonely.

“Is that her?” Klee asks, pointing her little fingers at the slightly crumpled photo lying on his desk.

“It’s the last one I have of her.” He whispers, holding it out to let her get a better view of it.

“She looks happy…” Klee trails off, touching it gently. “I’m sure she’d want us to be happy too.”

And don’t be afraid to be happy without me again.

The sound of footsteps rushing towards the laboratory echoed around the hallways, and perks up Klee and Albedo’s ears upon hearing it.

“Klee!” The two turn to see a figure panting by the door.

“I told you…not to run away.” Sucrose huffs, leaning by the wall to gain support for her body.

“Sorry.” Klee sheepishly apologizes, guiltily rubbing the back of her head. “I just wanted to see Big Brother.”

“I’m surprised…he let you in anyway.” She remarks, raising an eyebrow at the quiet alchemist.

Because I promise I will love you until I die

He looked down, noticing an envelope stuck behind the destroyed frame. Picking it up, he examines it while letting Sucrose and Klee talk for a moment.

Flipping to the back, his eyes widen upon seeing the date and signature scribbled behind the paper.

September 13, Albedo’s birthday gift

“Is your offer…still up?” He asks, eyes flickering back and forth from your picture to the envelope in his grasp.

“What do you mean-“

“Although…perhaps it would be more fitting to have lunch now.” Albedo states, before slowly setting the possession down and glancing over at Sucrose and Klee.

“If you still don’t mind me joining you, that is.”

and even longer still.

“Of course it is!” Klee exclaims, throwing her hands up in the air. “We can make up for breakfast tomorrow, and the day after that, and for the rest of our lives!”

Albedo smiles, standing up from his chair, as Sucrose nods at the little girl’s cheery declaration.

“For the rest of our lives…that sounds lovely.”

Yours always and forever, Y/N.

P.S. I’ve attached a long list of ways on how to celebrate your birthday (and the next ones to come) with everyone else. Have fun - and more than anything, don’t be afraid to try again.

[introvertguide]

Abuse of Children Portrayed in Film

I like to use movies as an escape from the harshness of the real world and one of the things that I have learned about in my education is the effects on children when they are mistreated. I have a Masters Degree in Developmental Psychology and one of the hardest classes for me to handle was Abnormal Development in Children and Adolescents. We covered everything from dealing with dyslexia and ADHD to surviving severe abuse and loss at a very early age. We had guest speakers that ranged from people who had escaped genocide as children, to individuals who had been sold into prostitution by their parents, to people who had suffered severe abuse from their parents or guardian. I have heard stories that will stick with me forever and that is nightmare fuel that I don't want to share.

Because of my background education, I take note of the treatment and behavior of children and adolescents in the movies that I watch. There have been many great movies over the years that have depicted the suffering of children and it has always been difficult for me to deal with. There are more well known examples of films that focus on suffering but throw in more of a "sometimes we all suffer, even the children" message that demonstrate that kids aren't immune to great travesties (basically any film about The Holocaust). There are also well known films that show children "coming of age" through hardship (Annie 1982, Oliver! 1968) but end perfectly. There is a more current series of films that focuses entirely on a boy discovering a fantasy world that was robbed from him when his parents were murdered by a tyrant (Harry Potter series). But in this list I want to review some lesser known films that show examples of abuse. Even after all that I have seen and heard, the following list of films have affected me personally for one reason or another. Sometimes the children in these films endure and overcome their situation in the end. Sometimes these children do not survive or sadly remain in their misfortunes. To me, this can make the movie all the more powerful because of the incredible amount of pathos that endangering a child character can add. It can also make it a heart wrenching experience that is painful to watch. Here are some powerful films in which children suffer and the struggle is one of the main plot lines of the movie:

SPOILER WARNING AND VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISORY!!! I AM GOING TO GIVE AWAY THE PLOT TO THESE FILMS AND IT SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING THAT SOME OF THE PLOTS ARE DISTURBING!!! EITHER WATCH THE FILM IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS OR CHECK OUT THE FOLLOWING SUMMARIES IF YOU WOULD RATHER JUST HEAR WHAT HAPPENS SO YOU KNOW IF YOU WANT TO WATCH OR NOT!!!

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Sybil (TV Movie) 1976

I just recently saw this film after I had heard of the story in my abnormal development class almost 10 years ago. It is the story of a woman who developed multiple personalities to deal with a childhood in the care of an undiagnosed schizophrenic mother. The movie stars Sally Fields and is based on a true account of Shirley Ardell Mason and her treatment by psychologist Cornelia Wilbur. The acting in the film is overdramatic at times, but it definitely reminded me of some of the actual old videos of Shirley Mason and her sudden strange switches in personality when she was scared or anxious. Dr. Wilbur used hypnosis to actually introduce Mason to her alternate personalities and she was able to recognize her disassociative identity disorder and overcome it. It still hurts me to think that this person was mentally wounded so deeply by her parents that it basically shattered her into pieces in an effort to make sense of things.

Leon: The Professional 1994

I mention this film a lot because it is a heartwarming story of an assassin teaching a young orphan how to murder. It is the breakout role for Natalie Portman and it is just amazing. Leon is a "cleaner" that lives next door to an abusive and addictive family with a troubled girl named Mathilda. The father gets in trouble with the mob and some enforcers come by and slaughter most of the family while Mathilda is getting groceries. She returns during the massacre and realizes what is happening so continues next door and pleads for shelter. Leon takes her in and teachers her the trade and protects her from the men who want to finish her off. The movie was written and directed by Luc Besson and stars Jean Reno, Gary Oldman, and Natalie Portman. The suffering that this girl endures because of her parent's addictions hurts me, yet I have seen and enjoyed this film many times. I recommend watching when in the mood to be deeply affected by the trials of a little girl and the killer who protected her.

Kids 1995

This film came out when I was early in high school and bothered me greatly. It is a story by Harmony Korine, and one of his many attempts to capture the hopeless lives of unmotivated and unsupervised teens. These are young teens having unprotected sex, stealing money to do drugs, and attacking people in the park. I did not really go to these kinds of parties when I was that age (or ever really) and it has bothered me to think that adolescents would partake in this kind of behavior. It is hard for me to believe that these kids had the ability to mentally comprehend the consequences of their actions and some of the characters end up contracting HIV from each other. I would not recommend the film because it is a depressing day in the life that no youth should have.

Gummo 1997

I would not call this a good movie and I wouldn't really recommend it. It is another work by Harmony Korine and really details the depravity that can occur with unsupervised youths living in low socio-economic conditions. This movie is just depressing and motivated me to find something to motivate me into action. I got into both psychology and teaching, which has served me well for the past 20 years. It was this film that showed me how low the bar for quality of life could be, and I guess for that I am thankful. However, I still wouldn't recommend it.

Happiness 1998

This movie I didn't see right away but noticed it at the video store on many occasions. I final watched it when I was about 25 on the recommendation of a friend and one particular storyline greatly disturbed me. It is basically the story of 3 sisters that feel they should be happy and project a face of happiness, yet they are miserable and have horrible lives. One sister in particular is married to a psychiatrist who turns out to be a pedophile that rapes the friends of his young son. At one point rather early on in the movie, this man confesses to his son that he raped the boy's friends and that he would do it again. The son is so confused that he asks his father why he never raped him. It is so disturbing to me because I know the boys that were assaulted will be forever damaged and this boy who was not actually raped will be mentally scarred as well. The fact that there are people in the world that would harm children that way, recognize what they had done, and then know they didn't have the self control to stop themselves from doing it again is horrifying to me.

Lilya 4-Ever 2002

This film is deeply disturbing and I highly recommend never watching it. I will spoil it for you now so you never have to see it if you don't want. A 16-year-old girl named Lilya lives with her mother. The mom gets a boyfriend and the couple move to America and abandons Lilya with a neglectful aunt. The aunt movies into the old apartment of her sister and Lilya is forced to move out and become a prostitute to make money. A boy comes along and convinces her to move to Sweden to escape her life. When they arrive, this boy sells her to a pimp and she becomes a teenage sex slave. She almost escapes, but is then captured and beaten almost to death. She escapes again and this time commits suicide so she won't be recaptured. This movie is awful and changed my mind about giving every film a chance. I wish I could forget this film, but I can't. Perhaps it is just not for me, but this film presentation is definitely an experience that you won't soon forget.

The Kite Runner 2007

I read this book in my twenties and saw the film in my thirties and both affected me greatly. A well-to-do boy and his friend are in a kite battle competition and the friend is beaten and raped when he goes to retrieve a fallen kite. The well-to-do boy denies knowing what happened to his friend (he does know) and basically shames and abandons him. This action haunts the well-to-do boy for the rest of his life. How the boy who was raped is basically falling prey to blaming the victim is heartbreaking, and the lifetime of guilt of the other boy is pitiable. Neither boy was the actual attacker yet they both were the ones that suffered.

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There are many other examples of movies along these lines and could be found if you feel like suffering. I can't say that I would recommend them because they are very difficult to watch. Beyond just dealing with the content, it is rare to find child actors who can actually portray somebody who has truly suffered. The mix of bad acting and a depressing plot can make for a terrible movie going experience. The genre of movie involving suffering does exist, though, and it could be enjoyed (?) by some. Just not generally by me.

[fridge-reviews]

The Best Games of 2021

Welcome to the my personal list of games I enjoyed this year. That’s right it’s my list, feel free to disagree with me but it won’t change anything. Anyway here are the rules;

1. These are games that I’ve played and reviewed this year. 2. The only order to this list is the order in which I reviewed them, its not a top 10, these all feature because of how good I consider them to be. 3. The games don’t have to have been released this year.

With that all said, lets get into it.

Ori and the Blind Forest

Ori and the Blind Forest is a stunning looking game but beyond that also provides a challenging experience. There wasn't a moment in this game that I wasn't thoroughly enjoying myself and so it deserves to be in my list.

Darkest Dungeon

I was so sure I'd hate this game, all the media I'd seen about it had told me it would annoy and frustrate me. So imagine my surprise that not only did I not hate it but instead loved it! It's got tactical combat, a bit of light city building and resource management... All things I love. Throw on top a dark and dreary story filled with eldritch horror and it had me hooked.

Doom Eternal

The sequel to 2016's Doom this game had big shoes to fill. One could argue that it failed to do that, but that was always a going to be an incredibly hard goal to attain. What Doom Eternal did do was come at the right time for me, after being stuck indoors for most of a year it was exactly what I needed to vent out a bit of pent up anger and it did so with great efficacy.

Spiritfarer

Oh, this game... I loved this game. It made me cry several times not always from the feeling of loss but also the joy it inspired. I'm also impressed with how the developers have continued to support the game by introducing new characters (though they have now stopped doing so and, fittingly, they have said goodbye).

Chicory: A Colourful Tale

This is a game I backed on Kickstarter on a whim, and I'm so glad I did so! While the game does touch on several delicate subjects I found that it was incredibly positive in the message it was trying to deliver.

Titanfall 2

One of my friends badgered me into playing this game, right up to the point of buying it me because he knew I'd eventually get around to it. Well, I'm glad he did. This game was far better than it had any right to be and while the campaign may be short it definitely makes an great impression.

Metro Exodus

I've been a fan of the Metro series for as long as it has existed (as a game) but I worried how they were going to continue the series or even if the series would continue at all. Now having played this game I actually don't want another. This game ends it all perfectly... Also it finally made me pick up the books the games are based off of.

Loop Hero

Loop Hero was unexpected, I'd heard about it a little from various podcasts but none had really gone into detail as to what Loop Hero 'was'. Having played and completed it, I totally understand why, there's really nothing like it, or at least there wasn't. A unique concept well executed.

Dying Light: Enhanced Edition

When I picked up Dying Light I thought I was going to see nothing more than a rehash of Dead Island. In a way I was right, but I was also very wrong, when comparing the two Dead Island feels unfinished and lacking polish. The combat is frantic and gory and the scenery... Well its just stunning.

Griftlands

I've played a lot of deckbuilding games in my life, both virtually and physically. I'd like to think that it's made me something of an expert on them, though perhaps that's a bit arrogant. Griftlands is unlike any deckbuilding game I've seen before actually I can think of one game that has mechanics as in depth as this (even though its not strictly speaking a deck builder) and that's Magic the Gathering. Then this game has not just one great story to tell but four!

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Normally I have little trouble working out which games will make my list, the games just... stand out to me. This year, however, I've had a much harder time of it. I've played some truly high quality games this year and I can't wait to see what next year brings! That being said... Last year I pointed out that there had been a lot of disturbing news coming from the likes of Activision, Ubisoft, CD Project Red and Rockstar. I had hoped they'd buck their ideas up but it seems that they just want to double down on the awfulness that they perpetrated and continue to do so. Thankfully there is a little bit of light in this dark time in the industry, it seems that there is some groundswell and that something like the start of a union is starting to form. I truly hope that this comes to pass, at this point collective bargaining is the only way things are going to change. I wish I had more presence online just so I could perhaps raise awareness about issues like that. Perhaps that's what I'll work on as a project next.

Anyway, that's enough for this year, I hope you all have a great time and stay safe!