#this makes the happy chemicals in my brain dance

[w1lmuttart]

I severely underestimated setting a blending layer to hard mix, it works so well when you wanna use a gradient but tend to hate how artificially smooth gradients look usually

Like

Just look

Boom🧍✨

[chunkist-milk]

Trigun fanartists I just wanna tell you how much I love you and appreciate you. Please continue to do God's work and make those boys kiss.

[some-french-asshole]

My two brain cells watching me search Just Dance (2009) videos on yt so my fat ass can get some exercise

[being-addie]

Little Ways to Love Your Life

I love performing little rituals to enhance my life. It's infinitely satisfying and it reminds me why living is so beautiful, on days when I start viewing the world through a pessimistic lens. This is your reminder that there's so much beauty in the mundane, just start looking for it :)

Here's some things I do that make me love my life just a little bit more:

Wake with the sun:

There is nothing better than opening your eyes to golden sunshine on your face. The golden hour has this quality that makes you feel like royalty.

Move your body:

Give your body a dose of endorphins by doing some exercise! Go for a hot girl walk, hit the gym for a sweaty HIIT sesh, or just groove to some Just Dance. I promise it will make you feel like you can conquer the world.

Smell sweet:

Put on a playlist and sing as you shower. Lather yourself up with sweet-smelling soap, and after you step out of the bath, slick on some vanilla scented moisturizer, and perfume. Don't forget deodorant! Make sure to stick with organic products because chemicals can irritate your skin.

Food = love:

A full stomach is a happy person. Make yourself a cup of coffee, and a hearty breakfast. Take note of the way milk swirls into the dark coffee, how the egg sizzles in the pan. Allow yourself to just exist in the moment, where you are taking care of your mind and body.

Self-love:

While I eat healthy 90% of the time, on days I really need to feel excited, I go buy a pain au chocolat from my nearest artisan bakery. It's one of my favourite foods to indulge in and it always makes me smile. Likewise, buy yourself something nice. It could be a new shirt, a bouquet of flowers, or designer chocolates. Indulge in yourself. You deserve it.

Look at beautiful things:

I don't mean window shopping or aesthetic Instagram pictures. Go out and observe. Look at the shape of the clouds, and how the trees dance in the wind. Pet that cute dog. Smell the wildflowers. Disconnect from the online world, even if it's for half an hour. Give yourself that much time.

Take pictures:

Screw retail therapy, taking aesthetic pictures is my new thing. Take so many pictures. The way sunlight filters in through your window, a cat stretching, a close-up of a flower, your Starbucks mocha latte. Unleash your inner photographer.

Pursue your hobbies:

When I'm down I play the piano or whip out my glue gun and craft my worries away. Doing something you love instantly puts your brain in a good mood. It could be tennis, gardening, quilling, birdwatching. Whatever you love. Do it.

Restrict your social media:

I was unknowingly comparing myself to all the girls I saw on Instagram and it was so detrimental to my self-esteem. I ended up deleting the app. I'm currently planning on reinstalling it by July next year. Delete the apps that do not make you feel good. You will have more time to dedicate to work, hobbies, family and relationships.

Finding joy in the mundane is the most healing thing you can do. Make your routine special, and switch it up once in a while. Don't shy away from your dream life, because you DESERVE it. You deserve EVERYTHING you ever want, okay? Now go get it. xoxo

<3

[yermes]

PAC: 💭

Happiness came to visit me but got lost along the way.

The first thing people do from my old life is ask if I am happy. But to be quite frank I spent so much time in fight or flight I almost don’t know what that means anymore. I feel like I live in between the lines of books fading in and out and sometime we catch an okay vibe and sometimes we catch a fucking god awful vibe. But now I shall ask you a question I have been asked incessantly for the past few months. Are you happy?

Disclaimer: please take what I say with a grain of salt and not as the gospel. I just want to share some ideas of practicing and giving advice using the medium as often as I can with school, work, and my own personal studies and practice. i may work on my podcast today ! Liking and sharing does a lot 🥰

Socials: TipJar | Follow me!

Pick a meme

1 2 3

The cards

Swiftness 🪽

Mercury .1 sag, hod in fire, 8 of wands

Being ruled by both fire and Mercury your happiness will hit you like a bullet in the back with a sudden realization of how to achieve it. But similarly to fire and the flow of the planets it can never truly stay. You may waste a ton of energy trying to pursue happiness rather than taking it as it comes and enjoying it when it arrives for a while.

Art 🍁

Mercury in Virgo, Sagittarius, From Yesod to Tiphareth, Fire

The alchemical process that happens in your brain is constantly in a never ending dance to the stimulus you receive in a daily basis. To achieve happiness you need to dissolve and combine “Solve et coagula” Meaning you need to change before you can add something you cannot yet grasp to the mix

Wealth 💴

10 of disks, Mercury in 3. decan of Virgo, Malkuth through Earth

You have entered a state where this manifestation is possible in a material sense. You may possess all the things that can make you happy but chemically, and spiritually are you ? You may become lazy in other aspects and tried to hoard things that signify the physical manifestation of happiness but it isn’t something you could ever possess.

Extras:

Story/vent:

Im being so fucking lazy with this podcast yall I am so sorry

ALSO A TAROT CARD READING??? WHO IS SHE

[sempsimps]

Gregory violet song scenarios

so this is a bunch of random scenarios and head canons i have of this emo boy and i even made a playlist for it becuse im so prepared for this also i do edit the lyrics a tad to fit the time its set in and vibe of the shorts so like if that bothers you sorry i guess (also i wanted to experiment with the tumbler coloured text i think it looks so cool) but this is mostly x reader so sorry if that's not what you want im just brain rotting at this point i cant do this lmao also i would like to say i unfortunately dont have the manga so i actually dont know whats going to happen sorry

starting with the honourable runner ups i think these songs fit but i couldn't think of what to write for them

Necromancing dancing - bear ghost (pun intended) "when im necromancing, everyone's dancing, no one can stop me i dare you to try! the dead are infused with sentential grove"

i don't wanna fall in love - she wants revenge

ramblings of a lunatic - bears in trees "would anybody listen to this the ramblings of a lunatic"

everything is temporary - cavetown "sticks and stones they say that we dont have bones inside our brains"

mamas boy - Dominic fike "m-a-m-a-b-o-y mamas boy mamas boy"

im not a cynic - Alec Benjamin "i swear im not a cynic im just being realistic"

cats - the living tombstone "meow meow meow meow memeow"

they/them - atlas, jhfly

house of wolves - my chemical romance

plucked - destroy boys "take a bird from the sky and you wonder why she wants to fly"

nobody - mitski

underachiever - NOAHFINNCE "nothing beats the life of an underachiever"

the adults are talking - the strocks "dont go there you never return and i know you think of me when you think of her"

(lowkey heathers the musical JD looking ass)

WARNING ANGST IS HERE

your stupid face - Kaden macay (oh no + verse 2)

Gregory in third person pov - the realisation he liked you

he was zoning out at the swan gazebo and drawing some sketches with his charcoal pencil. The first bit of the facial anatomy was done, and he used French bread to remove the lines. to make the face he slowly did the eyes and made them defined and full of life, the nose features, and soon enough he had nearly finished carefully doing each strand of hair falling perfectly around the face he wasn't even thinking about who it was but when he stopped to finally look at it realised who it was. 'Oh no,' looking at it more, he tilts his head back, closing his eyes shut to not let the sun make him dizzy. 'noooo' now he was roughly pressing the charcoal to the paper. 'i just really like you face' drawing the smile you always wore around him. 'Ugh, you don't have to look so happy..' he kept drawing, now to try and get it just right. remembering all the times you expressed it. 'im not really into the love that you flaunt in some bright font' smirking to himself 'but if that's what you want ill make it snappy.- wait what' he looked around noticing no one was looking at him he sighed 'i just feel so out of place' he finished your face. 'but not when you near me' moving on to the shoulders. 'when your gone, I'm like a plant with no root' he made quick work of the shape and made the clothes 'or a ball that's on mute' he smiled looking at his work 'don't you dare call me cute, you should fear me' a hand on Gregory's shoulder makes him jump, it was bluewer telling him he needs to sort out a purple house conflict, and to bring cheslock to sort out a fight. sighing and carefully putting his sketch away, a small smile on his soft features. 'Now i like your stupid face'.

soundproof - destroy boys (verse 1 before chorus)

panic attack from social anxiety (if uncomfortable then skip it) - he got amongst the dancing and hated it

it was after the big cricket game that he had to be there for appearances, empty streets are just as soundproof as studios and big crowds. and there were people dancing already. It was making him dizzy, just looking. 'keep me away from here' but when he somehow ends up in the middle of the hall he starts to panic 'how'd i appear on this stage' he was amongst all the dancers getting in the way of some getting bumped into. 'im taking up too much space.' his head was spinning from all the movement, and he felt eyes on him. 'Look away, please don't look this way.' Feeling a hand on his arm leading him out of the hall, too dizzy and unfocused to see they walked outdoors, the fresh air bringing him back down to earth. not sure who it was, but he thanked whoever it was as he started to calm down, taking deep breaths. 'i don't ever want to hear myself ever again'

disco! in the panic room - bug hunter (chorus 2)

in your pov third person - dancing again i dont know im losing the plot as i write. sorry to the amab readers this one this feminine

i was in disguise at the school, as ceils older brother, as I saw him as one. and missed being in a dress. so after the cricket game was announced, and shown it was underway, i went behind the door to get into a dress. i was hiding one underneath my cloak, i let the dress fall from the purple robe it set nicely, and i just simply wrapped the fabric around my waist, like a bow. and headed out to find Gregory, he was still upset about the fire, and wanted to leave as fast as he could. and i understood, but i wanted to dance with him just a little. He was just out of view of everyone trying to leave, and i pulled him into a room with a bright smile. "hiya, would you like to dance in the panic room violet?" He simply smiled. "I made a promise so sure." he held my hands, and i started to slowly waltzes in a random backroom. away from the crowed and prying eyes and i could see that every few movement he was getting more and more pale, as we turned slightly in the dance "Now I feel nauseous, As if I drank a cup of stuff you clean your countertops with" i giggle a little as we stop. he lets go of my hands, to hold his head, he feels dizzy but i come prepared knowing about this, with some water in a canteen. "you probably did But Lysol won't solve this, so have some water." i handed his the medium sized flask, to which he hesitantly took a sip with shaky hands. "im out of options, arnt i?" he softly smiled after a few moments, and i was satisfied to get a little dance. making sure he was okay. but i felt bad. "you can head back now i understand this was a lot, sorry" he sighed "oh its okay and thank you, It's past my bedtime and I'm honestly exhausted" i smile as he hands back my water flask. "But if you want me, I'll be here." Gregory and i walked out of the room and said out good nights before he went wherever, and i returned to the ballroom to see Elizabeth and everyone.

fire on fire - sam smith (chorus 1 like half of it)

Gregory pov - looking at you from outside the purple house fire (and i realise that the song is more about love but i want the angst so deal with it)

i stood there, my eyes filled in fear, as the boarding house burned. i couldn't move, I don't say a word stuck in place, you grab my hand i should be used to it, But still, you take my breath and steal the things I know. just like the fire that i couldn't look away from, a soft hand leading my face away to look at you. There you go, saving me from out of the cold, but i couldn't do anything. but blankly stare at you. tired and scared features, eyes slowly morphing to cry. Fire on fire would normally kill us, and this was on the inside. i was breaking down as i saw how distraught everyone was. I couldn't keep it in much longer. but then the other prefects showed up, and i didn't have time for it, so i pulled my hood up to hold it in, letting go of your hand to do something.

Love me not - eimi (verse 3?)

the part that's always on TikTok but it is a good song- anyway this is at the dating stage and you try to get help from your friends idfk

Sitting on the grass, in front of the bench in the middle of a courtyard, talking with Ciel, soma, and your best friend, the latter two interested in how the relationship was going with Gregory. so far all you could describe it as was confusing, when they asked how. you stood up and started pacing in front of them finger to your chin like how a detective dose it but moving to act out and get you point across better. "Does he really love me? Does he think I'm too much." My pacing stops as i shook my head and returned to walk around. "Am I hanging by a string? Am I pushing my luck?" I looked at the two with confusion, hands out, doing some gesture. they were still intrigued, and i just wanted an answer. "He says I'm his beloved. He says I'm enough. but every time I kick and scream, he tells me to shush!" waving your arms up and down in frustration, and at this, the friends pay more attention. shock on soma's face, making an o shape. "He told you to what!" My best friend joining in, equally surprised. "he told you to, huh!" Ciel bored of our shit huffed out a sigh before speaking. "I think you shouldn't really worry. and you're blowing this up," and I hastily replied, almost yelling. "But I'm falling in love! Does he wanna break up!?" I gripped the hood of my purple house uniform, pulling it over my face, which was red in embarrassment, and I felt some paper in there. taking it off my head a small envelope fell out of my hood, it had a clear purple wax seal with the house cress. 'That wasn't there before'

absence - Rio Romeo chorus + verse 3

Gregory in third person this is angsty, and sad. description of dying

he was thinking about what was going to happen all the experiments, but he unwillingly took part in. he couldn't shake it a feeling of impending doom. he knew the things he did, and that didn't warrant him to be sorry for himself, but he couldn't eat or sleep, even drinking something seemed impossible. then his thoughts came back to his friends. He couldn't stop thinking about how they would react, to him dying. 'If i just vanished, do you think you'd manage' laying in his bed contemplating how you would miss him. 'Or would you disappear right besides me?' A tear came into his eye. As he continued to think of you, how would you react to what he's done, more and more tears came out, little by little. 'Do you think you're ready? When i went unsteady,' his tears ran down his checks, smearing the eyeliner. 'lover, please prepare for my absence.' he stifled his cries with the ball of his palm, keeping it in. lipstick smearing on his hand as he bit down harder, more tears rolling down, landing on his pillows staining them. 'absence makes the heart grow stronger', wiping away his tears with the back of his hand. 'pray my baby will not squander everything to gain by my leaving' taking his hands away from his face, to look at them they shook, as he starred at them blurry vision from crying, the bite mark on his right one blending red. 'and if i return the favour.' thinking to all the sweet parts you shared together. 'pray my baby always saviour, every moment we were both present' sitting up to hunch over head in his hands quietly sobbing, the walls were thick and he knew it but it hurt to cry louder.

oh boy that took some effort i was going to so many more but i just cant but i do kinda love what i did i think it matches his character well I hope it matches at least and again here is a link to my playlist i hope it works if not i have the same name on Spotify but non the less i hope my writing doesn't suck :) (feeling like the Q.A from welcome home "I want it out open open open" lmao MAYBE IM A LITTLE DELULU RN WHO KNOWS) ALSO ive never written angst before so i hope that was good idfk

https://spotify.link/tg5qbp9ZgJb

[dol-dee]

Hello Hello, I'm Druxy!

I don't tend to stick around in one place for long when it comes to interests.

But I've been having fun cooking up my own headcanons and versions of the dol characters, to diversify the ecosystem, so to speak haha. Plus, I can go hogwild with NSFW posts here if I wish.

Feel free to send asks or dms I'm always happy to talk to new people :)

I will block all ageless blogs, please indicate somewhere that you're an adult, thank you!

Mainly GL and F/M

Tags:

Art Tag - For all of my art on this blog

doldykes / dolgl - My dol yuri tag / the dol yuri union tag

Avery the Businessbutch - tag for my Avery (You too can become part of the butch Avery nation!!! Apply today!)

dol rambles - all of my unhinged little rambles on this blog

Dee the Defiant - My oc turned dol pc tag

She's one of my oldest oc's and I like putting her in NSFW scenarios haha

_____________

I generally let the game do whatever it wants, when it comes to the NPC's gender/sex. Although I have some exceptions, as a general rule:

(F/M) means I consider/will probably design smth for both versions

while a singular (F) means I won't do a masc version and vice versa

I'd like to get around to designing most NPC's but I can't make any promises, since I dance to the whims of my brain's chemical soup

Here are the designs I have done so far:

[cozy-possum]

i just have to say that i love your grisha headcanons, especially the one about different types of grisha + body horror <3 do you have any more headcanons or ideas like that?? i'd love to hear them! it's such an underutilised idea around powered beings!!!

AA thank you!!! I was surprised more people haven't though about it!

Support My Writing?

OG Post (Here)

I have a couple other ideas;

Heartrenders controlling a volcra (Here)

Volcra kill because they remember the want (Here read tags as well)

Specifically with the body horror aspect I would love to see it more casually brought up, I know I went extreme in the original post( and ended up going extreme here too)

Tailors who's skin is warm and soft always, their beauty a little too blinding, they never keep a steady appearance as they appeal to what the viewer wants most, in order to gain their trust. Sometimes that backfires, someone wants to see scars, or fangs, or a monster, and what Grisha to better satisfy that then one that can be what they need. They can make wounds or hide them, they can create scars, they can give someone who wants to hurt, to see others hurting what they want and no one has to suffer, do they?

Squallers who offer comfort through the constant feeling of a warm breeze surrounding someone, the soft sound of wind through chimes or leaves. They can control music just as much, crafting songs and sounds from instruments that never existed in the first place. They become sirens, pulling people in, deafening them with sounds before they even realize they can't hear beyond the wind whistling in their ears.

Tidemakers who's body's move fluidly, their ability to dance, their flexibility is unmatched, they move like water and most feel refreshed after they talk to them. They can bend and twist their bodies so easy, it's muscle memory to show others, to force the bones to bend and break under the pressure from them and their water. Some spend too much time with it, they become similar to a deep sea creature, unblinking and adapted in ways others could never live with.

Inferni who are always the perfect temperature, who can keep a group calm, lowing their body temperatures so they're forced to settle, they can take heat as easily as they can bestow it. The can keep the others comforted, complacent on missions with only each other for comfort; heat fills the space, heat can be the phantom memories of those gone. If there is a death on the field, often an Inferni will keep the bodies warm, to not spook others. They mimic the body heat of someone next to you, a phantom partner or lover in all the wrong ways.

Heartrenders who can manipulate the chemicals and neurotransmitters in a persons brain, even if they don't know what they're doing, people always feeling happier around them, feeling calm, feeling safe. Too much of a good thing is equal to bad. They become addicted like anything else, they become desperate, even the heartrender cannot control it, and often they succumb to those they subdued if not kept safely away from others, or if they use their powers sparingly.

Fabirkators that can breathe life into inanimate things. They create toys, things to comfort young Grisha, to comfort anyone who has lost something. If they focus, if they bargain and find help in other grisha, they can bring a loved one back for a moment, they can twist and warp the corpses before burial, to give comfort to those grieving, to take from those already dead. They often forget, creating things from nothing can lead to viewing everything as a tool. How can things be combined, how can they be taken apart. Fabrikators who pull at flesh a little too easily, after all it's only components, and those that volunteer, well they never have a reason to fear their friend who made their teddy bears dance when they were scared.

Amplifiers that find themselves connected to Grisha in ways they cannot explain. They can sense pain, fear, happiness, they can sometimes sense before the Grisha know themsevles, the whispers of power from under small fingers. They push too much into some, exhausting their power when they pull back, leaving material for the Fabrikators to take apart. Whispers of Grisha killing their own is what the Amplifiers bring. They find the ability to comfort, showing Grisha that their powers are not to be feared, that they can stop too much power leaking out. Small hands reaching for them, crying out for parents who cannot stay, the amplifiers find themselves drowning in both grisha power and human emotions no heartrender can hope to break the bond of.

Sun Summoners, Lightbringers, who always shine. They excel in anything they try, learning, power control, it comes easy to them because praise, love is light. Grisha find themselves blinded, the way sunlight is too warm, the way light trickles into the cracks. Even those that hate find themselves warmed and drawn into the light, moths to a flame. They can blind as easily as they comfort, creating blisters and welts, sunburns and heatstroke, photosensitivity can burn into someone's eyes and brain and leaving them with a body that jerks beyond their command.

Shadow Summoners, Shadowbringers, that keep those that are forgotten. They pull those that are lesser, Grisha who can't keep up with the training, grisha who's powers do not follow the strict pathways they army wants. They take those that slip through the cracks. They spends hours training in pitch black until themselves and the grisha no longer need their sight to kill. They use the shadows to move around, creating shapes and monsters, creatures and enemies not only to scare but to protect each other. They take the absence of light and create the world within it. They plunge anyone who goes against them in the lack of, sensory deprivation at it's strongest. They either slowly let the senses come back or flood them with the removal of shadow all at once, neither are survivable

Support My Writing?

[seariii]

I AM IN THE MOOD TO ASK

do you have a certain music taste? If so what are some songs you like bdcause i like listenibg to music :3

(IF YOU HAVE ONE WOULD YOU KINDLY GIVE ME A PLAYLIST?)

HELLOOOOO OMG I WASNT EXPECTING THIS??? IM HAPPY!!!! HIIIII I LOVE YOU A LOT!!!

Um! I'm not sure I have a particular taste in music? In general I like most things, and it's easier to just say what I don't like hahahahaha

I'm quite passionate about music tho, some songs just fill my brain with many chemicals. And is through music that I can be in contact with things I never would. Anyways, I DO have some playlists, so I'm gonna leave them here! (Spotify links)

Cool stuff: This one I share with a friend (i just went through all their additions to make sure they were Seari approved, so all the playlist is my music taste), it is very varied, it's songs I consider cool or fun, there is a bunch of rock and energetic stuff like that in there probably

Soft: this one, as it's name says, has more soft and sweet and sad songs. Most are in general more calm, but not all of them, there are probably a couple more energetic in there that the feelings that they give me in particular are soft

Cute (✿.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠): songs I consider cute, this usually put a smile on my face or make me dance. Good vibes

[allmoshnobrain]

NO-SKIP ALBUMS tag game

i was tagged by @nornsfate (tysm!!) and this seemed like such a fun idea i just had to do it! i tried picking albums that i felt had a big impact in my life and that i love listening to until today. i'm tagging @aplaceforyourhearttorest @hunter-sylvester @therockywhorerpictureshow and anyone who wants to do it (but ofc no pressure!)

rules: share the albums that you can listen to nonstop. those lightning in a bottle-albums that scratch ur brain just right. every single track, an absolute banger. u could not skip one if u tried. no notes. stunning, show-stopping, immaculate. ur no-skip albums.

bonus & optional rules: 1) add a track rec for us to listen to! AND 2) share ur favorite line(s) from that track!

albums and track recs:

MEGADETH - RUST IN PEACE

tornado of souls: Selective amnesia's the story / Believed foretold, but who'd suspect? / The military intelligence / Two words combined that can't make sense

VENOM - BLACK METAL

black metal: Lay down your souls to the gods rock 'n roll / Metal ten fold through the deadly black hole / Riding hell's stallions bareback and free / Taking our chances with raw energy

METALLICA - RIDE THE LIGHTNING

for whom the bell tolls: Take a look to the sky just before you die / It's the last time you will / Blackened roar, massive roar fills the crumbling sky / Shattered goal fills his soul with a ruthless cry

AVENGED SEVENFOLD - AVENGED SEVENFOLD

unbound (the wild ride): This ride that takes me through life / Leads me into darkness but emerges into light / No one can ever slow me down / I'll stay unbound

GHOST - IMPERA

darkness at the heart of my love: Will you spill the wine / To summon the divine? / I'm with you always, always / Now paint a pair of eyes / And let's watch as it dries / Remember always, that love is all you need / Tell me who you wanna be / And I will set you free

THE RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS - DON'T YOU FAKE IT

cat and mouse: Am I supposed to be happy? / With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price

MEGADETH - THE SYSTEM HAS FAILED

the scorpion: As I climb onto your back, I will promise not to sting / I will tell you what you want hear, and not mean anything / Then I treat you like a dog as I shoot my venom in / You pretend you didn't know that I am a scorpion

TURISAS - STAND UP AND FIGHT

the march of the varangian guard: Guards of glory and of might / Red as blood and black as night / Flies our banner as we march / In the East, for the king of the Greek

LANA DEL REY - NORMAN FUCKING ROCKWELL

happiness is a butterfly: I said, "Don't be a jerk, don't call me a taxi" / Sitting in your sweatshirt, crying in the backseat / I just wanna dance with you

HOLE - NOBODY'S DAUGHTER

nobody's daughter: Nobody's daughter, she never was, she never will / Be beholden to anyone she cannot kill / You don't understand how damaged we really are / You don't understand how evil we really are

ANGRA - REBIRTH

rebirth: Ride the wind of a brand new day / High where mountains stand / Found my hope and pride again / Rebirth of a man

FLICTS - SINGELOS CONFRONTOS

desmascarar sua bandeira: Foda-se a bandeira do estado de São Paulo / Foda-se a bandeira e o hino nacional / Fascismo enrustido sob as cores do estandarte / Velando o ódio ao livre amar e a diversidade (english translation for my mutuals - guess which state i was born and raised in lol: Fuck the flag of the state of São Paulo / Fuck the flag and the national anthem / Closeted fascism under the colors of the banner / Veiling hate for free love and diversity)

MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS - ELECTRA HEART

teen idle: Yeah, I wish I'd been, I wish I'd been, a teen, teen idle / Wish I'd been a prom queen, fighting for the title / Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible / Feeling super, super, super suicidal

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE - THE BLACK PARADE

famous last words: I am not afraid to keep on living / I am not afraid to walk this world alone / Honey, if you stay, I'll be forgiven / Nothing you can say can stop me going home

MODERN BASEBALL - YOU'RE GONNA MISS IT ALL

your graduation: You weren't the only one / Who thought of us that way / I spend most nights awake / Wide awake / I never thought that I / Oh, I would see the day / Where I'd just let you go / Let you walk away / Where I'd let you walk away

[mieux-de-se-taire]

Headfirst For Halos - MCR Interviews

89.5 WSOU FM Interview - 7/11/02

22:28-22:31, 32:22-32:43

Gerard: (After being asked his favorite song) That’s my favorite and “Headfirst”, because I get to dance a lot, “Headfirst For Halos.”

Interviewer: Alright, so we’re gonna get into the final song of My Chemical Romance tonight, and that’s “Headfirst For Halos.” Did you wanna get into that? Gerard: Really quick, just to save you some time, it’s a song about being really depressed, on a lot of anti-depressants, and wanting to kill yourself. But instead of doing that, I just wrote a song about it, so...that’s what you should do if you ever wanna kill yourself. Interviewer: Write a song? Gerard: Write a song about it.

/

Punk News Interview - 4/11/03

Paragraph 10

Interviewer: What were your inspirations during the beginning guitar in “Headfirst for Halos?” ALL: Van Halen, Queen.  Ray: Queen was a big one.  Background: (there were certain other influences too. . . ha-ha)  Ray: Ohhh well that influence was for the rest of the music in this song. We were fuckin’ zoinked out of our heads when we wrote that song. It seems like it is really against what everything sounds like on the record. It’s really major.  Gerard: We wrote it literally on the spot. I mean that song wrote itself. In like 10 minutes, lyrics, everything. We were just joking around and I was like this is the catchiest, popiest, stupidest shit I have ever heard, and I was like how can I make lyrics make it not. And then I figured a way to do that. At first we were like no, this in not a My Chemical Romance song, but we just kept fighting it until it was.

/

Recroom Magazine Interview - 8/12/03

Jessica (Interviewer): I like that song.  My favorite song on the album is number six; I'm sorry, you know I'm really bad with the titles. Matt: “Headfirst for Halos” Jessica: That's the one. Just cause that's my favorite song, I'm curious as to what the songwriting process was like for it. Gerard: It started as a joke. It was really funny. Ray: We were stoned and we were jamming. Matt: And we thought it was obnoxious and funny. We were just like, "Oh my god, this is so stupid." And Gerard's like, "No! This is great!" Gerard: Yeah; it was brilliant. So I put really dark lyrics to it and it worked. Jessica: That's what I like about it. Cause the music is all upbeat and it sounds like it would be a happy song and then the lyrics are all dark and contrast with it.

/

NME Interview - Late 2003

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In ‘Headfirst For Halos’ (which [Gerard] Way considers “very similar to Blur”), he sings, “I think I’ll blow my brains against the ceiling / And as the fragments of my skull begin to fall / Fall on your tongue like pixie dust / Just think happy thoughts.”

/

Warped Tour 2004 Retrospective - May/June 2005

3:46-4:06

Ray: [Heath Saraceno from Midtown] would actually come up on stage and play an older song from our first record, “Headfirst For Halos,” ‘cause he wanted to play with us so band that he wrote like a harmonized guitar solo thing for something that I did. And he would play with us, and it was just awesome having 3 guitar players up there, and hopefully we can do that again sometime.

/

Alternative Press - June 2005

Page 7, paragraph 1

Frank: [The other most unforgettable Warped moment was when we were in Calgary, and] the power went out while we were playing “Headfirst For Halos.” The kids kept it going. I’d never been a part of something like that; a place where we had never been before carried us through that song. I think it was the best time we ever played it, because we didn’t play it at all! [Laughs]

/

Matt Schichter Interview - 11/30/05

4:23-4:30

Interviewer: Let’s play something off the first record: either “Cubicles” or “Headfirst For Halos.” C’mon, you choose. Mikey: “Headfirst,” definitely. Interviewer: How come? Mikey: I just like the song better. (Laughs)

/

Life on the Murder Scene - 2005

35:39-36:09

Gerard: The most important song is “Headfirst For Halos.” (clip of band playing “Headfirst For Halos”) Gerard: Why it’s important is that it’s a song that kinda started as a joke (“Headfirst” continues to be played) Gerard: But, it’s the song that-- I had said to the guys “if we can pull this song off, if we can accomplish this, and do it believably, like, if we believe this song could work for this band, it’ll-- we won’t ever be pigeonholed.”

/

Kerrang #1143 - 1/17/07

Page 3, paragraph 2

Gerard: There’s a song on every record that allows us to push ourselves further. On ‘Bullets’ it was [Headfirst For Halos] and on ‘Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge’ it was ‘You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison.’ This actually started out as a joke. Then we realised that, if we could pull it off, it would allow us to do so much more because it would prevent us from getting pigeonholed. We worked on it to the point that it wasn’t a joke at all which, in turn, allowed us to do a song like ‘...Prison.’

It happened naturally because it was only after we finished writing it that we realised where it might take us. We had a thrashy pop song in our laps and we thought, ‘This doesn’t sound like anything.’ Maybe it was a bit of a Beatles rip-off, maybe it was a bit Britpop but that was all I could think of.

Again, it had a visual quality. That song and ‘Vampires Will Never Hurt You’ both gave us a real sense of identity. They brought in the entire gothic thing. It was those songs that made people think we were a vampire band! 

[anulithots]

So that could've been a mini-spiral, here's a thing that helped.

Uhmm... I'm going to tag @holdmyteaplease and @dancinginsepia, you all may like this <3

Context is that the others are in the "news watching phase" and I don't like my existence being political. (But sarcasm is great, that was the moral of the story.)

ANYWHO-

Specifically make a playlist to songs you've had the "nirvana lots of stimming" thing for. The ones that you've played over and over again for days and hummed along and danced to in the closet. Just those ones. Not any of the "good vibes ones" or even the "ooh character daydreams ones" just the ones you've actively felt the uber-happy-serotonin to. (Although in mine I added a few more melancholy ones that still give me happy chemicals, just make sure the most jammie jam ones are first.)

Mine's here because why not:

Okie dokie, that's part one.

The second part is the assigning a thought process the role of "caretaker". I story-fied this so that there are pixies that take residence in Anuli's head because of mycorrhizal symbiosis and only Naegi (the language processing, presentable one) can speak, so fae tells Anuli to use faer thoughts to give Squioo (the caretaker) a voice, and I really really want to include snippets of on-the-spot prose but maybe at the end.

Anywho, this "caretaker" thought process is there to soothe you whenever you need them. Mine calls me "bean" and says a lot of "I know, it's okay" and any help I need with doing the next task and not holding onto the spiral thoughts.

In fact! Thoughts become most damaging when they are OUR thoughts. They aren't! Most of the time, they are offered from that collection of subconscious childhood sponge stuff. You collected that, yes, but not by choice, so none of that is yours, they are only meant to help you when you need it.

And there was this one podcast my parents listened to in the car (long drives <3) and it talked about the four parts of the brain (Theoretically, they are nice guides, not foolproof, but nice. It makes me feel less alone - that was cheesy - in my head). They go like this:

The presentable one. Think "masking". This is your presentably and plan-making part of your brain that likes to analyze things (for the sake of future things, I think hyperfixations are more of a "three" part of the brain... more on that later.) Very future focused and will try to keep you out of trouble in society. You can call upon this one for any logic things for the future.

The Danger one. The one that probably got you in that spiral. They are that scared child that needs to hide and protect themselves and get away from the danger. They are only a scared little one, so it's best to call upon the Caretaker at that point to calm them down.

The inner child. Hyperfixations and the present moment has all these wonderful things and let's have some fun and oooh squirrel and this one lives off dopamine and having fun and stimulation every second of the day. Can get in trouble though. And this one will probably use jokes to make you feel better. Also a little one.

Then there's the caretaker.

I sttttoorrryyyfiiiieeeddd them! (They used to be one being and before they split and Floa got in trouble and now they are banished and Naegi is working on a plan to get unbanished and I don't even know if they will be cannon yet but like... I love them and they are the roles that I use.)

----

SNIPPETS

TW for the idea that certain minorities/other groups can be "parasites" and harm the majority. (Sorry, don't know what the term for this would be.)

"I don't want to think about that fallen fairy nonsense. In fact, say another word about them and I'll find one... I'll rip it;s eyes out so it can see what horror its bringing to all of my innocent dryads. "

Maidoe nodded. Nodded. Not a single shift in faer behavior. Did fae- was Maidoe like that too?

Does fae think that of me?

The container shattered. Static latched along my neck, tightening. My breath caught in the fibers. Perhaps my heart burst, it's sticky web spun around my head. Blood trickled from my ears. It exposed me to everyone, my eyes would fall into the puddles, warm and sticky and my sight fell beneath the pools of blood sinking beneath all the horrors I've ever-

"You okay? You went..." Maidoe tilted faer head, "Well, you're staring at your feet like they've wronged you."

I'm a fallen fairy. I'm a fallen fairy. I'm a fallen fairy. I'm a fallen fairy I'm drowning I'm drowning

dying.

dying.

dying.

"F-fine" I breathed.

"You sure?"

Just that word was an arc, a million stories, all that I had left, any more and I would burst at the seams.

I nodded.

Maidoe smiled and turned back to the Mother Fairy, the one who- and fae was -

How could fae be two things? That's not moral ambiguity, that's a juxtaposition and a dichotomy and tonal dissonance and it didn't add anything it didn't make narrative sense-

'You're spiraling.'

I growled. I know that Naegi, I know, I'm sorry, I know, and it's not-

'Squioo could help. Fae's done so before, and we can have us fumbling in front of important figures, just think of what that would do to our reputation-'

Fibers wormed around my spine, snaked around my neck, pulled until it bled, swelled-

Squioo could fix it?

What do I do? How do I do it? Is it difficult because I can't, I'm sorry, it's not- but I'll try to- I can't promise-

My scalp throbbed. I would've pressed my hands to my head and tugged at roots and yet my fingertips remained by my sides.

'Just give faer access to your thoughts so fae can speak to you, since you think in... word-ish pictures?'

Stories. I'm sorry. Did I mess it up already? Predestined fate of the villain and I will burst and that will mess everything up and this is nothing I haven't heard before and it was so small what do I do what do I do-

'Just imagine one of those... how would you phrase it? Mentor figures? Except more of the subtle sort. A caretaker. Someone who will soothe you from this spiral, imagine a few words and Squioo will gain access from there.'

I stiffened. The whispers of a forgotten lullaby ringing in my ears, of broken windchimes and fae was hurt and angry and does Kamari think like that now-

'Try a sentence to start with.'

You're okay, little on- oh I- what if it doesn't work? Am I doing it right? What if it's- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

'Continue.'

You'll be okay, Anuli, I promise. We'll have a happy ending where we sing to the stars that we are free. It will be wonderous. Are you cold? Does that feel better?

If you wanted to stay you wouldn't have broken-

'Hello love. We'll take this one note at a time, okay?'

I bit the inside of my mouth, the sobs scratching at the confines. Okay

'Can you focus on the insides of your nose for me? And when you're ready, take a deep breath, whenever you're ready. Okay?'

I'll burst.

'That's okay. Do you want to try your palms instead? Can you watch those?'

My fingers twitched at my sides. Like this?

'Yes, very good love. Do your palms feel cold, hot?'

Hot and twitchy.

'That's alright love. Just watch it for now, any sensations?'

Yes.

'Can you tell me about them?'

I breathed out, hitched and shaky. They have... sparkles? Waves of almost wind but thicker, soft and... bouncy... like moss? But clouds?

'Cloudy moss must be very soft.'

A spurt of laughter mixed with swollen sobs. It's floaty.

'That's wonderous love. We'll watch it together, okay?'

Okay.

The fibers and blood fell though my fingertips, leaving me a washed-out cloth, left in the rain for moons, and oh how hollow and wonderous the sunlight was.

Squioo?

'Yes?'

... You're wonderous. Thank you.

'Aw. Thank you love.'

[nwodwols]

Driving with the kids in the car this morning and I think I had a pretty major brain epiphany. I always drop after experiencing ✨ good things ✨. I’ve always had the type of anxiety that makes hard times and rough situations incredibly easy for me, but the upswings are the parts I don’t know how to deal with. That’s when my anxiety is like: but what’s the catch. I know I’m not alone in this! I know this is common. What I think I’ve trained my brain to do is to be very comfortable in sadness and find difficult situations very comforting. I like sad characters. I’m drawn to them. I love sad songs. I feel them. I’ve been getting better, like really really good at noticing the things that make me happy as opposed to feeling comforted. It’s a different thing. I’ve been small dosing myself with joy and literally taking notes on the good little things because - even though I truly am comforted by being consumed in grief and very adaptable to struggling - I don’t want that go fly kids. It’s so so important to me that they know those brain chemicals and can label them. It’s important to me that can step outside of their brain noise and see it for what it is. Shit’s going to happen and you need to be ready for it. You are going to experience sad things that are going to attach themselves to you. Don’t attach yourself to them. Honor them, feel them, but it’s not your job to keep them alive. Sit with them, but then get back up beige they become your safety net. Before grief becomes you comfort item.

I laughed out loud when this song came on in the car after I drop the kids off this morning. Literally said “I. Don’t. Know. Sheryl.” But I do. I do know. My brain isn’t used to happy chemicals. It’s just not. After a series of unfortunate events as a kid, my base levels are pretty low and when my brain does experience a prolonged moment of happiness, the drop after is just insane. I’ve tried to fix it. I’ve tried a lot of different things. The only thing that ever really helps is finding things that take me out of my head and force me into my body. It makes it very easy to empathize with sensory seekers.

I’m not an unhappy person. I’m not. I love so many things. I am very easily triggered to smile and to laugh and to dance and to love. Love is very easy for me. But I’m attached to grief. I’m attracted to sadness. I’m comforted by the uncomfortable. I don’t know if that will ever be any different. I just know that I want to lift my kids up out of it before they get too comfortable. I don’t want depression to be my legacy

Not that there’s any shame in being depressed.

There’s a quick video about anxiety that Bill Hader did for the CMI that is incredible and I wish I could explain depression as calmly and rationally as he explains his little buddy anxiety

[cube-cumb3r]

rhe annoying thing abt havibg no appetite is like usually for me Eating is like free dopamine and happy chemicals its like makes my brain does a little dance i LOVE eating makes me feel sososo happy. and its the shittiest thing ever for like eating to suddenly Not do that. even if its something that you know is tasty, your brain just refuses to respond appropriately and suddenly eating feels like a chore instead of a reward. genuinely makes me so miserable rn lol

[fivedayslater]

Put 10 songs you listen to, then tag others!

Tagged by @last-haven 💜

1.

So cathartic to shout along with the chorus both in high school and now

2.

Peek patd for me honestly

3.

It’s a Big Mood

4.

Because I’m always in my emo phase actually

5.

Ado swooped in, did Film Red, and somehow invaded all of my playlists

6.

Also a constant mood, and I can’t not put Bruce in here

7.

This has been my jam since it came out

8.

Always a jam

9.

I like it it makes my brain happy

10.

The song of all time

Tagging @amarantae @twyxted-mind @hawksbrood @dragonpressgraphics 💜

[thestarsarecool]

11, 15, 22, 42!

Hi, thank you Fiona!!!

11. What was your favorite concert you've ever been to?

Sorry to be predictable, but it really was the McCartney concert I went to last June. It was legitimately life-changing and completely altered the way I think about music. It was totally surreal, as though I was high but it was the best high ever and it lasted for days. I kept yelling out "WHAT?!" and "NO WAY!" and laughing hysterically the whole time?? Bruce Springsteen showed up and I think Paul planned that but then later Bon Jovi showed up just to sing happy birthday and left?? Ridiculous. I have this photo of my parents' faces when Bruce Springsteen walked out and it's really funny. But it was nuts. Like, Paul started playing Blackbird and my mom looked at ME and said "Maya I'm so proud of you" and started crying because she remembered how I learned to play that song on the piano (it was like this little jazzy version) when I was eight and she also started ranting to me about how scared she was about how the world would treat my little sibling because they're nonbinary? She also got a little drunk before the concert and said to me and my siblings "when he plays Maybe I'm Amazed, me and your dad are gonna make out the entire time" which was really funny (that was the song they danced to for their first dance at their wedding). The concert was legitimately altering the chemicals in our brains.

And it really was this crazy feeling for me. Because though I've always loved the Beatles and I had been involved in Beatles fan-spaces before, I really wasn't in the midst of an intense Beatles phase like I am now when I saw the concert. And it swept me off my feet, how much I loved it. I didn't go thinking it was going to be that incredible. I had seen artists I loved in concert before who had even more of a personal nostalgia element and not felt this way. I grew up on Billy Joel's music more so than any other musician, and when I went with my family to see him in concert, it was excellent and I had a great time, but I didn't have this urge to go see him again and again and again. It didn't fundamentally alter the way I viewed his music or music in general. But, man, Paul McCartney... It was just this feeling of loving this music so much. Loving it so so so much. And I didn't even know how much I loved it until I was there, loving it. And it was my parents dancing to Maybe I'm Amazed at their wedding and it was little me playing Blackbird on the piano and it was teasing my siblings to the tune of Honey Pie ("you are driving me crazy, I love you but I'm lazy, so won't you please go home") and it was watching the Yellow Submarine movie three times a week when I was seven and it was singing In My Life at my eight grade graduation and it was getting home from school and opening my falling-apart Lennon/McCartney songbook to pluck out Here, There, and Everywhere on the piano and it was and it was singing Band on the Run in the hallways of my middle school and it was getting Lovely Rita stuck in my head so bad that I couldn't stop singing it. And THEN it was looking up and seeing tens of thousands of people loving it just as much as me. And then I understood Beatlemania and I understand why this made people go insane and I understood everything and it was everything. Then I annoyed everyone for months by never shutting up about seeing Paul in concert.

Other concerts I've really loved were Billy Joel, Dead & Co., Elton John, and various jam bands at various music festivals that I went to as a kid with my entire extended family.

15. What song has the most meaning to you?

Oh man, this is a tough one for me. Cause I generally attach to and am moved the most by songs because of their beauty and sound but not because I connect especially to their meaning, if that makes sense? Let's see. I remember being really moved by Billy Joel's Vienna, though that's a basic choice I suppose. In recent memory, the songs I have been most struck by are The Velvet Underground's I'll Be Your Mirror and Leonard Cohen's Who By Fire. Those mean a lot to me.

22. What songs do you listen to when you're sad?

I know a lot of people tend to listen to sad music when they're sad, but I generally just listen to music that I find either very beautiful or very calming. So this tends to be the Beach Boys (only certain songs though) and the Grateful Dead. Listening to the Grateful Dead makes me think of home. So basically I listen to all of Pet Sounds on repeat and Eyes of the World, Ripple, Uncle John's Band, etc. Oh!! I also find listening to Sgt. Pepper all the way through very reinvigorating. That guitar at the beginning wakes me up. Also Peter, Paul, and Mary! Weave Me the Sunshine makes me so happy. And Rainy Days and Mondays by the Carpenters.

42. For the next week, you can only listen to five songs. What would you choose to listen to?

42!!!!!!!!!!! The meaning of life, the universe, and everything. I set all my alarms to 42 or 18 for good luck.

Ok, on to the actual question, my first instinct here was to list songs that are little medleys in and of themselves, but now I'm thinking I kind of want to get some variety? I don't know, here are my picks:

You Never Give Me Your Money by the Beatles

America by Simon & Garfunkel

Beechwood Park by the Zombies

Son of Sam by Elliott Smith

Uncle John's Band by the Grateful Dead

I can't imagine getting sick of those songs, so I think they'd last me the week.