#this might be the most visually horrible as well

[foxstens]

tried some voltage titles

[yyouzip]

FS pick a pile!

————>>> ★ this reading includes…

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them

- a description of your FS

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them

-what the relationship will be like

-songs with the vibe of you and your fs

-random things that may resonate:

+ a mini mood board :)

CW: very very very brief mentions of sexuality (sexuality as in things about sex and not orientation.)

!! the future is destined to change depending on you, so don’t take this as absolute truth. this is just for fun !!

look at an image, and pick whichever resonates. (it’s totally fine to pick more than one.) take what resonates leave what doesn’t.

pile 1

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 9oC, 8oS rx, kingoW. (9oW knightoP 4oW 6oP the world all rx)

so for starters, you might end up manifesting the FS of your wishes with or without realizing. with the 8 of swords rx and king of wands, it looks like you’ll be manifesting them intentionally. after a long journey of manifesting and looking at the big picture with optimism and knowing that this person will come into your life, you’ll be able to sit down and watch them come in without any shock or surprise. you’ll be feeling immense joy and gratitude at their presence. it might have a bit of a kdrama vibe if anything. very cheerful and happy.

your first impression may be/may have been that they are someone who is reserved and unwilling to take risks. they may seem a bit defensive and paranoid and a bit of a perfectionist. as well as someone who comes from a difficult/traumatic background full of conflict and instability. you may get the impression that this person didn’t have a good childhood or home life. they also give the impression of someone who is more worried about taking care of themselves before others. because of this, they don’t give the impression of a generous person. they seem very insecure and as if they are seeing closure or peace somehow. they don’t seem complete as a human and seem to have been broken by their life or the world. :(.

- a description of your FS 2oS, 7oS, 6oC, 4oP, QueenoCups ex, 8oW, 9oS., 8oC

they may seem like someone who wears/has more cool tones? emphasis on the eyes (mb glasses or peculiar/alluring eyes?) someone younger/young looking who wears dark clothing or has a more “edgy” fashion sense. their young look and style of clothing may contrast a bit. they’ll visually have very mysterious and alluring vibe. the kind of person who wanna know more about because they just look mysterious and unique. they might look wealthy and smell very good.

they’ll be very possessive and reserved. unwilling to share with others and refrains from admitting things freely or even speaking a lot. they hide a lot of pain and it overwhelms them. they’ll be very sensitive and dependent on you and break easily when any pressure is placed on them. they’ll still be very exciting and a fast decision maker. who enjoys doing fun things on a whim. just for fun. they might be very fearful and anxious, maybe even to the point of a mental disorder enhancing those issues. the 9oS and 8oC literally popped up out of nowhere and they were hiding in a weird spot, like i don’t even remember pulling them out? makes me think your FS could be the kind of person who hides these issues in particular. they are plagued with the horrible memories of the past and may be prone to nightmares and the idea of abandonment and loneliness is what scares them the most.

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them the moon, the magician, 10oP, the fool, kingoP, 4oW

your FS feels like you’re a bit uncertain, and possibly hiding something. this “something” may have to do with something in the realm of loa, shifting, tarot, etc? they see u as someone very very complex and magical. they feel like there’s a bit of an illusion with you and you may be putting up a front. they feel like you’re someone with so much willpower and desire. very great at manifesting and getting what you want and hard work. they think you’re very wealthy and well connected with others. you’re a family person (biological or found family, whatever resonates.) and a loving and kind person with an abundance of wealth and resources at your hand. they think you’re very beautiful and so loving as well as hard working. they love you so much!

you’ll see them as someone who’s very spontaneous and free. they may be younger than you btw. they seem willing to take new chances and a very free spirit. like a wanderer or a traveller innocently stumbling around and enjoying what they run into and willing to accept the world presented to them. you see them as a good business person and an ambitious person. you feel like they are hard working, very rich, and smart. (i feel like you two will be very wealthy..) they seem attractive and sensual to you. they give me sort of of kdrama bf vibes. we’re u trying to manifest yourself a kdrama style romance and fs? hahaha. you feel like they’re a bit unstable and unable to really ground themselves. you feel like they feel unsupported and it makes u rlly sad.

-what the relationship will be like knightoW rx the emporer 6oW, 4oP 8oW

despite the previously stated issues, the relationship will be very healthy and stable. you might be a more authoritative figure in this relationship. w the emperor and the previous cards abt ur fs i’m getting like “daddy/mommy issues” and one person finding comfort in the other for being more mature or a bit older as well more structured. still, energy may be a bit scattered at times and frustrating. it may be hard to communicate with each other and see eye to eye. as well as arguing with no feeling of achievement or recognition. you or they may get a bit egotistic and you’ll seek personal achievement in winning arguments. still, you’ll love each other a lot and want to be close forever and always. you guys may be a bit clingy and very very close. probably possessive of each other. you just love each other a lot and want to be emotionally, mentally, and physically close 24/7! you may propel each other to your goals a lot faster and feel very aligned. overall it’ll be a very emotional but loving relationship.

songs with you and your fs vibe: cool with you by newjeans, either way by ive, basically the whole soundtrack from all about lily chou chou, snooze by agust d, julia and green mile by sza, velvet ring by big thief,

things that may resonate: cats, cars, gaeul from ive (?), the ocean, the sunrise at 6:00 am, the sea again, the number 34, teenagers in love, falling asleep during a long drive, white rooms, accubi fashion, metaphysical stores, stepping into a body of water and its cold for a second

Pile 2

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 10oC, 7oS, the empress rx, QoP, AoS rx, KnoW

for starters, your meeting will feel like fate. like an act from the divine and absolute alignment. your meeting will likely be a random coincidence. w 7oS, i see it being the result of sneaking around? maybe you were sneaking our or meeting up with people you weren't supposed to. very "right place right time" kind of situation. you definitely weren't supposed to be in this situation and you likely felt nervous. maybe skipping school/work? you felt on edge and happened to meet this person very coincidentally.

immediately, you thought this person was a practical and smart person. very kind, gentle, and nurturing. they seem very clean and almost luxurious. very goal oriented and sooo gentle. despite this, you likely had a negative first encounter. i think there was alot of bickering and because of this they came off as someone who was greedy and selfish, unwilling to hear from others. they seem very adventurous and passionate with leadership qualities. this is kind of screaming YA novel hahaha.

- a description of your FS PoS, 6oW rx, AoP, PoW, 4oW, KnoW

they have a very unique style of dressing and a heavy feminine energy for sure (that doesnt mean they are female, they just carry a significant amount of feminine energy.) they seem to be a fashion person who is able to creatively make their own unique and beautiful outfits. like the kind of person youd see on pintrest or trending on tiktok. veryyy unique fashion sense with an airy and dreamy sort of feel. like those frutiger aero playlists vibes kinda. and ditto by newjeans if that resonates? they like how they dress and look and dont care what other people think at all. alot of people may dislike their style and even tease/make fun of them for it, but they like it so its fine. their unconventional looks might land them alot of modelling jobs or things akin to that. they also look very dreamy (like their features) and sorta surreal. they give me a y2k vibe.

they're very extroverted and willing to speak to people without any fear or worry for judgement. they're very cheerful and joyous with positive energy all around them. they're well balanced and harmonious, clicking with others very well. also very relaxed and relaxing to be around! they can be very passionate and willing to take a lot of action. i get very smart vibes from them. like extrovert, popular, probably going to harvard kind of person. they really just happily enjoy their life and being alive.

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them 5oP rx KoP 8oP rx QoS judgement rx 10oW rx wheel of fortune rx 8oS rx

they feel like youre someone who welcomes them with open arms whenever and wherever. they think you are their recovery or ailment when they loose something. and they feel like you are a positive change to their life/world. you seem very reliable to them and like a stable force in their life. you're very protective to them as well as a strong intelligent being. and to them you're very safe, kind, and sexually attractive. they find you to be very forgiving and independent, able to follow ridgid principles and and be fair and critical when needed. but still, you seem harsh on yourself. they feel like you need to learn to love yourself better and stop doubting yourself as well as stop self loathing.

you feel like they lift a burden off of your shoulders. like they release your pains and worries by being with you. but sometimes, they feel overwhelming. maybe you like to be alone often? so as much as you love them, you can get a bit overwhelmed and fatigued. they make you feel like youre a bit of a babysitter at times and not a partner. you feel like they try to micromanage things and control what can't be controlled, and it's a bit troublesome. regardless, you adore them. it feels like they can be a bit too spontaneous and it feels like you have sudden, unwelcome changes in your life that are a result of them. with them, you think you can release your negative thoughts and embrace the positive. they make you feel like you can run away from the harsh realities around you and be embraced by freedom. when you're with them, you feel like you're dreaming a bit, in a good way. like you're in another reality where you don't have negative self thoughts and your inner critic shuts up.

-what the relationship will be like KoS 5oS rx the heirophant death

itll be mentally empowering, like for the first time the both of you will have your feelings validated. one of you will be more authoritative, but itll be mutually agreed upon so dw. being w them feels like understanding absolute truth almost. like you dont need to think about other things when you're with them. you just need to love them and enjoy it. in a way, its like being with them was the death of your past pain and negative cycles, and reconciling with love as you grow a love for it. you're arguments wont even be like real arguments, just constructive conversations leaving everyone happy in the end. v v mature. you both may be very spiritual/religious and your relationship might be very traditionally. maybe you're both from the same culture or religion and bond over it.

songs w u and ur fs vibe: sex drugs etc. by beach weather, all night by beyonce, get up by newjeans, potage by tricot, future by paramore, mistakes like this by prelow, crying lightning by arctic monkey, promise by jimin, i need u and run by bts, luma from super mario galaxy

things that may resonate: the colour blue, hyyh/bts youth trilogy, running away from home, adventure, spray paint, youth, teenage years, kpop girl group leaders, rose quartz, a mature or older fs w a "sexy" image, friend groups, enemies to lovers ?, reading and intelligence, femininity and sensuality, shifting realities, academic validation, skateboarding in the suburbs during summer

Pile 3

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them AoC rx the empress rx 5oC rx 7oW the sun rx 3oW rx 10oW rx

youll be feeling depressed most likely, feeling gloomy and empty because of insecurities and self neglect. like very very low mood (i wanted to cry as soon as i pulled these cards bro. like my eyes keep watering wtf. like pile 3 are u guys good???iufyjidsuhy ily take care pls). your creativity may be blocked and you might be upset because of your depression/bad moods. because of this, you may be trying to find positives in life. like going out, self care dates, etc. trying to move on from this might end with you meeting new people. from this, looks like youll meet your fs. and fight your depression and sadness in the name of your love for this person. like for example, u may have no will to go on, but you push forward because of this person.

u might feel like this person is is pessimistic and gloomy. a bit dry too. yet, youll have high (semi unrealistic) expectations for them. like they themselves are supposed to fix you and your life. they seem like they arent punctual and maybe are a bit immature upon first impression. as well as someone who burdens themselves with alot of work. they seem like theyve burdened themselves with too much and now collapse.

- a description of your FS 4oS the devil 9oW rx 6oC 8oP rx KoP 9oC the world rx

they have very very heavy masculine energy (doesn't mean they are male, but they have a strong masculine energy about them.) they have a tired and sleepy kind of look, maybe 'senpaku' eyes. kind of like a billie eilish kind of tired/sleepy look. they look like theyre a song by the neighbourhood, if that makes sense. their fashion sense is dark and edgy, like kind of grunge, goth, emo, or a lot of dark colours and piercings generally. they are youthful looking though. with 9ow rx they might look a bit intimidating and harsh. very very edgy though like alot of dark colours. the image of silver rings and jewelry on slim fingers kind of at night comes to mind. they may like the occult and wear occult symbols.

they might be a bit lazy. maybe they currently work in a retail job or in fast food? but regardless they do not enjoy work at all. "i dont dream of labour" fr. they can rush things and might have a problematic reputation. but w KoP they dont really care. they are a reliable person with a good understanding of business and a secure self image. they are very kind and probably quite wealthy. with KoP and 9oC its like they come from a very rich background. they like to spend money often as they have alot of it and enjoy the pleasures of life. as well as spoiling their partner. they feel very content with their life and wouldn't change how things are, even negative things. still, they feel like something is missing and they haven't achieved much, especially for their age. this person gives me party vibes. somehow, theres a bit of emptiness inside of them, like a hole they just can't fill with no explanation as to why.

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them 8oS rx PoC rx 6oC rx the emperor the magician judgement rx

they think you are capable of more than you know, and they just really wished you knew that. you're like, incredible in their eyes. like a shooting star or something. they think you're getting way better and you're opening up to new, less harmful, perspectives. they think you neglect your inner child and they feel like you're using escapism too much. they feel like you need to open up and be emotionally vulnerable with them. they think you can be a bit immature at times. they want you to be more independent and move forward. they want to travel the world with you, and be with you, and love you.

you see them as someone with discipline and authority. someone who's smart, capable, and stable. you feel like they can protect you and be your shield when the world attacks you. you see them as a proactive person who works hard for their ambitions and for the relationship. they're exciting and experimental. you feel a bit 'in denial' about the relationship in some ways and like you've been ignoring or overlooking something in the relationship. its hard to say what, though. maybe you've been judging them unfairly?

-what the relationship will be like KnoP 7oP rx KoW PoS rx

you'll both take your time with it all, with no rush or 'skipping steps'. you may not realize they are the love of your life for a few years, or you may realize it but not take action. you'll both be insanely loyal. like, "slow and steady wins the race" kind of thing. you guys are perfect together and every moment is perfect, so there is absolutely no rush at all <3. but this "taking time" approach may leave one or both of you feeling impatient. at times, it might even feel like theres little or limited reward to this approach. regardless, with KoW, you can both look into the big picture and understand why you shouldn't be moving toooo fast. you or your fs will be very bold at times, romantically or maybe sexually. youll both be very energetic and taking the lead at different times. very cute and very romantic date nights. you both may struggle with communication at times and take pleasure in "being right" instead of agreeing.

songs that have the vibe of u and ur fs: colours by halsey, sweater weather by the neighbourhood but specifically the part after 2:19, born to die by lana del rey, no escape by health ft the nbhd, basically everything by the nbhd, tonight you are mine by the technicolors, we used to be friends by the dandy warhols

things that may resonate: the numbers 1218? victorian architecture, life is strange (video game), cyberpunk aesthetics, alita battle angels, college or late teens, pride, piercings, silver, gray, smoke, sneaking out to go to rock/punk concerts in the evening, beer cans, young adulthood, electric guitars, hobie from spiderverse

Pile 4

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 7oW the chariot the empress justice rx 10oS 6oC rx

you might have unjustly gotten into some trouble/accused of something you never did, but you, knowing yourself and what's right, stood up for yourself without shame. in this moment, you succeeded in defending yourself. your fs was likely present, and found you attractive and was amazed by you and your gracefulness as well as determination. you came off as the kind of person who knows what they want.

they seem like they have been betrayed and are exhausted. like they've been through alot and have been pushed around by others alot. the world turned it's back on them and those that love them have betrayed them. they seem like they have a heavy energy and carry alot of pain. with 6oC reversed they seem like they are older and more mature, someone who makes you think about the future, but seems stuck in the past. (iff that makes sense?). they seem like a very independent person who walks alone after being hurt by others.

- a description of your FS 3oW 9oW rx 2oC the moon 5oP rx temperance

they're very confident in their appearance, they may have beautiful eyes or glasses that make them look very nice. kfjshk idk y i get a big forehead vibe from them? haha. they might seem a bit emotionless and stiff, tsundere kind of look. they may look a bit tired and have eye bags. this person's eyes may be very significant. they might have a very symmetrical look to them and maybe pale skin? fs may be slim and have coloured eyes (like blue or green) and light hair. i get some masculine energy from them (does not mean they are male, but they have masculine energy.)

they're very secretive and prefer their privacy. theres alot that they hide and they are a very complex person. they follow their intuition and it often leads them in the right way. i feel like they have prominent pisces placements. they often feel a bit confused and may not be super smart. they feel welcomed by you and are in the process of recovering from alot of loss, greif, and pain. they feel more positive and like life is changing for the best. they're very patient, calm, balanced and relaxed.

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them the hermit AoW rx 7oS 9oC rx 7oP rx 9oP rx strength temperance

they might think you're a bit lonely and silent, shy but knowledgeable and deeply wise. they think you're someone who is endlessly growing and understanding themselves. you're consistently looking for new opportunities to grow and searching deeply within your soul for change and growth. they think you have alot of ideas and things to share, but you hold back and aren't saying these things. they think you're a bit sneaky and are good at lying or manipulating others. (not them necessarily) and you're incredibly smart and strategic. they find this (and you) very attractive.

you think they are a bit unfulfilled, and missing something in their life. you feel like they should try and achieve better things sometimes. bc w 9oC 7oP they seem to be a bit lazy at times and a little bit toooo relaxed. with 9oP, u may feel like they may spend money a bit too much and be somewhat superficial. they also may have issues with not being alone and independent, which they're a bit more accustomed to. giving them alone time is important. but they're insanely strong and brave to you. able to face the deepest and harshest of issues without breaking a sweat. you find this very endearing and they're incredibly caring and loving towards you even in your worst moments. you quite literally could do everything wrong and hurt them infinitely, but they'll always and forever love you and hold you gently. they seem very relaxed and balanced, tranquil and peaceful. very patient and understanding too. you feel very harmonious and tied to them.

-what the relationship will be like queen of wands 10oP rx KnoW KoS

the relationship will make you both feel confident and happy. you'll be very emotionally open and not clingy/attached the hip. you'll both have the independence you crave/prefer, and be confident in your love and relationship. you might argue/have disputes with their or your family over the relationship. it may be unconventional or controversial in your community. outside opinions may find their way to you guys and hurtful opinions will definitely cause hurt and discomfort. you may have an open relationship or something of the sort, or a very exciting and spontaneous period in the relationship. KnoW = this will likely be beneficial in the long run. you'll both have high standards for each other and expect the absolute best from one another. you don't argue often as you're able to control your emotions well.

songs that have you and your fs vibe: trash by alex g, advice by alex g, exquisite tension by youll never get to heaven, the man who died in his boat by grouper, blue city by nahee, to us by apro ft wave to earth and wavy, heavy water/id rather be sleeping by grouper, roslyn by bon iver

things that may resonate: the year 2002, liminal spaces, IT department of a company, marriage and kids, nuclear family, electronics, young love, first love, "nerd", napoleon dynamite, south and south east asia in the early 2010s?, "her", twilight

Pile 5

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 5oS rx 10oS 7oC 9oC rx 10oP KoW judgement < < < those 3 r all rx

for starters, youll be pretty upset in whatever this situation is. you were betrayed pretty badly and you're learning that winning isnt everything and sometimes situations can be lose-lose. you may be wanting to get revenge or sabotage someone over a hurt past. you may have gotten heartbroken and are now on the search for a new lover. with 9oC rx you may not be looking for something serious, but something that can make you happy for a while and supress your boredom and lack of fulfillment. maybe you want to make your ex jealous? with 7oC it looks like youll have alot of options at your disposal, but alot of these options are like illusions and are not what they seem.

you met in a non-traditional way. maybe a hookup? you think they're controversial and seem broke (compared to you, that is.). like your standards are too high for them. they seem unstable and like their wealth and success is limited or disappearing quickly. they give celeb vibes, and in your eyes they're on the road to being irrelevant. they seem power hungry but its a total turnoff as you can't see them being a strong leader. (you give the vibes of someone who watches the wizard liz haha). they seem like they don't learn from the past and aren't self aware.

- a description of your FS 7oP KnoP the sun KoW KnoW the world 4oW rx 5oP 3oW

very very veryyy strong masculine energy. (doesnt mean they are male, just their energy!) (also, sorry if i use he/him pronouns to describe this person. again, doesnt mean theyre male but the masculine energy is strongggggg here.). they look like they work very hard and are put together and wealthy looking. they alwaysss look good and smell good, youll never catch them lacking ever. idk how to explain it but they look very like wattpad rich guy kinda energy haha. they doesn't need to go all out to look good. wearing designer and kinda semi formal attire? they look stoic and doesn't express his emotions frequently. the looks very wealthy and successful, may have dark/tan skin and has very good skincare and hygiene. they look incredibly intimidating and has a resting bitch face. looks mean and scary but also sexy and alluring. looks like the "strong silent type". i also feel like they have a bts jungkook vibe (this doesnt mean jungkook is gonna be ur fs at all btw they just have his vibe so please dontldksfjhdjsf)

he feels like they belongs where they are, which is almost on top of the world. they've achieved a lot in their life and are prideful in themselves. they've travelled alottt in their life and met many powerful people. their home life was rough and they had a troublesome childhood. they welt unwelcome at home and probably still do to a degree. they may be undergoing hardship when you first meet them, and feel lost, cold, and alone. with the 4oW and 5oP, they may have somehow disgraced or embarrassed their family. i think this has to do w a family business and losing assets/money. i see this family being rich and wealthy (like chaebol kind of thing). they feel restricted and alienated. things aren't moving forward fast enough for their liking and it's frustrating to them.

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them judgement QoW wheel of fortune the empress death rx page of wands temperance

they see you very very well. they see you as someone who can take care of business, and change what needs to be changed. in your professional life and love life. you're a hard worker who people always listen to. they think you're charismatic and very confident in yourself. no one can ever deflate your ego or break your confidence. they're very attracted to this and find you passionate and an incredible socializer. i see you as some kind of business person in the future?? they think unexpected things in your life happen constantly and you're very fortunate and lucky constantly. you're extremely physically attractive to them and incredibly disciplined and hardworking. they find you very nurturing and sexy.

you think they can be afraid of change and repeat negative patterns alot. they are unwilling to take risks and let go of the past, which you feel is a source of all of their problems. you want them to come out of their shell and stop living in the shadow of others who you feel are unimportant. "you're the main character of your life, so act like it." you think they're very lively and expressive despite what others think. they're spontaneous and fun. they're balanced and calm and patient with you, which you adore. what was once spontaneous and a fleeting romance/fling (PoW) turned out to be something beautiful and meaningful thats going to last for a very very long time. (temperance)

-what the relationship will be like 10oW AoP the lovers rx PoC rx justice 6oP rx the magician

it's not going to be very easy, alot of work will need to go into it. with 10oW and the lovers rx it looks like you two may be prone to arguments and butt heads often, meaning alot of effort will need to be put into maintaining the relationship. you both are very very physically attractive, and im getting a young vibe here, and alot of money on both ends (esp w AoP) so you have alot of options as far as other partners goes. and with PoC you're prone to getting bored of one person. therefore you'll need to make sure to work hard on both ends to keep things health and even monogamous. with AoP i see even more financial abundance with this union. as if this relationship is a financial investment. you'll be an incredibly privileged couple, able to pay for expensive dates, gifts, and trips. if you don't put in the work, itll be disharmonious and boring. if hard work is put in, romantic attempts and efforts will be rewarding and both will be treated fair and with immense love. one of you may be controlling or overbearing as far as power dynamics may go. and gifting the other alot while getting nothing in return. this might not be bad though. the magician = being proactive and manifesting your desires, so this excessive gifting and power dynamic may be mutually agreed upon.

songs that have the vibe of u and ur fs: closer to you by jungkook, pray for me by the weeknd ft kendrick lamar, los angeles and crown by seulgi, i am by ive, unforgettable by french montana ft swae lee, famous by french montana, escapism by raye

things that may resonate: extreme wealth, jungkook vibes (i promise this doesnt mean its jungkook its just the VIBES so..😭😭), city at night, sportscars with lights in them, the colours purple, red, and green, the wizard liz, manifesting money, rich networking parties, feminine ceo energy, wealthy business people, shanghai and beijing, qatar and dubai, wonyoung

Pile 6

- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 4oW poW AoC rx the world poS 6oP

you met this person at some kind of gathering, like a wedding, baby shower, party etc. or a reunion of sorts. you were feeling extroverted and spoke to them completely out of the blue after experiencing a series of emotional instability and emptiness. as well as creative losses/blocks and difficulties. you likely flirted with them out of nowhere for the sheer "yolo" feeling. love that for u tbh.

they seemed like they really belonged and were having a good time at this event (im getting wedding tbh.) and they were a very achieved, successful, and strong individual with a sense of harmony and fulfillment. they seemed very witty and funny, alert and smart. able to make a great and pleasant conversation, v fun to talk to! they came off as very generous and kind as well as someone helpful to their community willing to give away their fortune for the good of others.

- a description of your FS 10oW AoW rx 2oS rx AoS justice rx 10oP 6oC rx

they look strong, muscular, rugged and hardworking. they have a larger frame and some masculine energy (masculine energy doesn't mean your fs is male, just their energy is masculine.) they may have prominent facial hair (eg. beard, strong bushy eyebrows, etc.) they appear a bit nervous and anxious. despite a muscular build they look passive, timid, and nervous. they have a gentle and cuter face.

they're smart and constantly have new ideas and breakthroughs. they have an incredibly creative mind and may be an author? they often avoid accountability and can be dishonest and unfair. they have family issues and dispute with others about finances and assets. they are mature and move on from the past rather than living in a nostalgic past 24/7.

- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them wheel of fortune rx PoP the magician rx 3oS rx 3oP rx KnoC

they feel like you can be unfortunate at times and find yourself in unfortunate scenarios. you try to cling onto control but fate often has other plans for you. they would like you to just accept that some things can't be changed. they feel like you're incredibly talented, but dont use your talents when it'll make your life easier. they feel like you're incredibly diligent though, and have an incredible sense of loyalty and duty. they see you as an incredibly intelligent person who's going to do incredible things one day. like, they see you and think "they'll change the world". they're incredibly in love with you and feel like their world revolves around you. they love u sm.

you think they're a bit emotionally repressed, but you for some reason feel extra compelled to forgive and accept them and their faults or wrongs. you feel extra forgiving towards them. you think they can be a bit competitive and uncooperative, which may be the source of pain and arguments? but still, they're great at mediating arguments and are incredibly skillful and smart. they're diplomatic and resourceful. they're an overall joy to be around and are loving and thoughtful. they're extremely romantic and flirty!!!

-what the relationship will be like QoC strength QoP 2oW rx

the relationship will be extremely therapeutic and loving. a strong sense of comfort and mutual trust will be built, creating an extremely healthy environment. the relationship will not only be deep romantically, but platonically. you'll be the absolute best of friends as well as loving union of partners. the people around you are likely to be admiring your relationship, too enamoured with your love to feel envy. you hype eachother up 24/7 365 and are the source of each others overgrowing confidence. like this is peak healthy relationship. you live comfortable and luxurious lives and are wealthy, especially in emotion and love. with QoC strength and QoP you're likely to live as a happy and comfortable married couple and grow old together. the relationship is stable and comforting with both sides being madly in love with the other and their presence. goals may be reached spontaneously rather than with slow effort and intense planning.

songs with the vibe of you and your fs: rip tide by vance joy, the astronaut by jin, moon begins by florist, everything stays by olivia olson (adventure time), good habits (and bad) by saba lou, butterfly (prologue mix) by bts

things that may resonate: the 80s, backpacking across europe and south east asia, travel, charity, travel to hot climates, suburban homes, adoption, 2 kids and a pet, wealth, hiking and outdoors, forests, 2nd grade, settling down, summertime memories that feel like pixie dust

I hope you enjoyed !! take what resonates, leave what doesnt :p.

[patricia-taxxon]

So, I watched that response stream that DeadwingDork made about my furry boinking video, here it is if you're curious.

By some accounts, this gentleman seems like he means well, with regards to pronouns he pulls the "when in doubt, they/them" gambit, which is partway there. If he finds this, I'll politely let him know I don't use they, just she & it. Thanks!

I have good reason to believe he began this journey in good faith, but over the course of the video he slowly gives up being charitable, and it's very frustrating to watch. There's a few key moments of miscommunication I noticed that I'd like to clear up.

DeadwingDork and I got off on the wrong foot very early on, and part of that's my fault. I start the video openly lusting after Garth Alphandomega, and this put him on edge. This might be an ideological difference we can't get past, he says that Garth is "Just a wolf" when I personally think he's quite different from a wolf. After that, I do the joke where I say "If the opportunity presented itself I would fuck my-" and cut to The Flowers of Robert Mapplethorpe, but he didn't have the context to understand what I'm saying by cutting to that album in particular, so he thought I was jokingly saying I would fuck my dog. He spends the rest of the stream with that initial impression of me lusting after what he perceives as literal animals, it's kinda the initial rock that starts the avalanche and closes him off from understanding basically anything that I'm saying, until the end, where he's convinced I've just spent 43 minutes coming out as a zoophile.

This might just be a difference in artistic philosophy, like he interprets Alpha & Omega to be about wolves whereas I interpret it as being about people through the aesthetic lens of wolves. Metaphor isn't just for abstract art movies, after all. Garth walks on 4 legs, but he has enough obvious persistent human-like traits both visually and behaviorally for me to understand him as a person delivered via wolf. For the same reason, he is disturbed by my lusting for Shoukichi Pompoko, because he interprets that movie as literally being about tanuki. I think this the main reason the concept of a character being "simultaneously human and inhuman" completely whiffed on him. He skimmed over my segment on how Leo can be both a wolf and hispanic & didn't understand the relevance, because I don't think that contradiction can be resolved in his head.

The most frustrating part of this stream is the way he clearly picks up on a lot of the overarching subtext that I'm putting down, but by that point in the video he doesn't have enough faith in me to interpret it as being put there intentionally. He treats the connection between my special-ed dog training and my current animal identity as an unintentional self-report, when it isn't. There's this *maddening* segment where I talk about Pom Poko for the first time, and he... honestly quite accurately picks apart the picture I'm illustrating about alienation, but he handwaves it away in favor of his horrible mangling of the exact literal sentence I am saying at that moment.

He says:

"There's clearly a story here, but it's being buried. There's a lot of stuff that's leading towards... 'oh, you watched this movie and this movie and your parents did this and your fuckin' teachers did this, and that's why this is happening.' That's like the fuckin' undertones of this video, [but] the main takeaway is supposed to be that this movie... I dunno, makes you f.. is supposed to feel like how fuckin' animal people feel like they're... whatever, I don't, I don't... whatever."

He grabs at the subtext, the story I'm obviously telling with the surface level anecdote of my experience seeing Pom Poko when I was young. I say obviously, because he and his chat both understood it. But then he discards that, assumes it was unintended, and importantly, he doesn't have a good answer for what I'm actually saying divorced from that. Because... what's even left after you remove the subtextual story I'm telling with this anecdote? The anecdote itself? Of course he's empty handed.

Other notes:

He can't decide whether I'm an over zealous recruiter trying to call everything furry, or that I'm a gatekeeper trying to force robust definitions of 'furry' into the general lexicon. This isn't very important, it's just kind of funny.

He is dismissive of me saying I won't report news if my only source is Kiwifarms, but he doesn't really give a good reason for it. I am having trouble summarizing his argument for why I should have referenced a website whose users doxxed me. He hilariously suggests that I should negotiate with them to have my address taken down, as long as I'm not a "lolcow" about it. I'll be charitable and say that I don't think he's thought this through very much.

He hates that I "compare autistic people to animals," when that really just doesn't mean anything on its own. A comparison is a comparison, a follower of mine pointed out to me they could say that trans people are like cockroaches & it could either mean they are doggedly resilient in the face of harsh circumstances or that they are pests that need to be exterminated. I meant something specific by using an animal metaphor to describe my autistic identity, and it transcends the literal reading of "calling autistic people animals."

He derisively calls Echo a "gay furry sex game" when it simply is not. I'll forgive him for this because he hasn't played it, but Echo isn't porn, it's a horror game. There's sex in it, and it has the framework of a dating game, but it is far from the main appeal. I'm not saying this to elevate Echo above the degrading label of "porn," because Adastra is definitely porn and it's almost as good, just not as easily recommendable to outsiders.

He thinks its commendable that Sean Booth bought my album, which is nice.

Overall, I don't think DeadwingDork is outwardly hateful, but he is quite gullible. He accepts hate speech at face value and buys into narratives useful for hate movements. There's echos of trans groomer panic, that old "you're the reason people are transphobic" chestnut, and of course, using Kiwifarms as a news source. He said he came into the video knowing nothing about me and had no reason to be approaching me in bad faith, but he clearly doesn't trust me enough to think the main rhetorical thrust of the video was intentional.

bad stream lol

[ewingstan]

If you had a chance to recommend (real-world) superhero comics to the Undersiders, which comics would you recommend and why?

Oh, good question. Its been a minute since I was really into comics (I gotta figure out how to reactivate my Marvel Unlimited account), but I think I have enough background to come up with some good picks.

Lotta good options for Taylor. My first thought is to give her Ewing's X-Men Red (aka "the main reason I need to catch up on Marvel comics"), since a superhero story that focuses a lot on gaining and maintaining societal power and the work of governing as a leader in a super-community seems like it would appeal to the Warlord of the Boardwalk. Plus a lot of it is "kill the previous leader in a way that ensures you have a popular mandate," which I'm sure she'd be a fan of.

If we're talking Taylor at the start of the story or younger—well, I don't know if it makes sense to give her runs of the character she's most a pastiche of, but maybe something that fits the Spider-Man niche could still be appealing for a young down-on-her-luck aspiring hero? I could see her getting something out of the Simone or Ahmed Ms. Marvel runs, for instance.

(While Watchmen might seem like the natural pick, I'm pretty sure she'd lose a lot of enjoyment just from picking out all the ways Veidt's plan was obviously gonna fail for x y z reasons. Also dark deconstructions of superhero worlds would probably seem too familiar to her world for her to enjoy it.)

If Taylor would be interested in comics statecraft, Lisa would probably be more interested in comics spycraft and intrigue. Ewing's S.W.O.R.D. would probably scratch the same itch for her that X-Men Red would for Taylor (and Storm dramatically blowing off Doom would probably satisfy her after all the ulcer-inducing negotiations with Accord.) I might also give her Ewings New Avengers and USAvengers runs (look this is gonna include a lot of Al Ewing recs, get used to it early) if only because I feel like she'd enjoy how Roberto gets characterized in those comics. Magnificent bastard solidarity.

If we're giving comics to Brian, we already need to work past his defensive avoidance of anything that seems too childish, so I don't think we're getting anything pre-dark ages. That said, he famously thinks "looking mature" means "sick-ass skulls and leather jackets," so his idea of maturity might skew a bit into McFarlane territory. Ultimately though I think he'd be most comfortable with something where he could plausibly say "this isn't just a comic, it's actually a well-respected piece of literature." I'd want that to mean Moore's Saga of the Swamp Thing, but it'd probably actually mean The Dark Knight Returns.

As a dark horse pick, I'd give Brian some early New Warriors or Ewing's Contest of Champions, if only because Night Thrasher feels so close to what he wants his vibe to be (dramatic black leather ensemble with a very 90's idea of cool, unflappable expert strategist who pulls his weight despite a powerset with limited applicability, died horribly and came back much later for weirdly impersonal reasons) while also being just ridiculous enough to make me want to see his reaction.

Given Iota's commentary on Alec's pizza habits, I'd think Alec would most be a fan of something intense and bombastic and not mind if its often repetitive. I'd almost say Berserk would be a good match for him, but parts of that that might actually be triggering for him. Maybe some other ultra-violent longrunning work; I haven't read Fist of the North Star but it seems like a safe recommendation; various X-Force runs could work if we're sticking with Western comics.

Rachel really doesn't seem like someone who'd have much appreciation for any aspect of comics. The best bet would be something visually spectacular in a way that could be appreciated on its own, and a plot that's interesting taking issues on their own and not just as part of ongoing runs. I could see Ewing's Immortal Hulk as fitting those criteria; her power gives her an artist's appreciation for Bennett's horrific depictions of the Hulk's transformations (even if praising Bennett for anything feels in poor taste).

Ewing's scripts for each issue of Hulk are clever in a way that I feel Rachel could find entertaining; they don't require an attention she couldn't keep up, but also aren't simple to the point of being condescending. Plus, the thematic focus on "what can and can't be solved through unspeakable acts of destruction" would feel familiar in a way that's less frustrating than normal comic tut-tutting about how obviously we can't attack these guys (plus the greater willingness to say "oh yeah unspeakable destruction definitely is the best way forwards here" would be pretty satisfying).

I feel like Aisha would have more patience for comic tropes than a lot of the other undersiders, (I could see her enjoying the original Fantastic Four run), but at the same time she'd probably enjoy something a bit more complicated and out-there. Ewing's Rocket might be appealing as heist-focused mini, and I feel like the mix of melancholy and absurdity would appeal to her. Rosenberg's Hawkeye: Freefall would work for similar reasons, though replace "melancholy" with "simmering rage."

Morrison's Doom Patrol and The Invisibles both have characters Aisha might relate to for the whole "society largely ignoring or wanting to go away" thing. Plus they both have big weird ideas she'd appreciate, Richard Case's art works well with her aesthetics, and they're both seen as "respectable" series to the point that she might like peppering in references to them in alongside Jules Verne jokes.

Huh, I just realized that Aisha and Brian both ended up chasing an appearance of being mature and somewhat surface-level and off-putting ways. Brian "trust me I'm a normal adult man" and Aisha "I've compiled spider-man quips for every work in the Western Canon and will get frustrated when you don't get them" Laborn, the "something ain't right about that kid" siblings.

(I will say that Morrison's Doom Patrol has some weird black stereotypes so if anyone wants to pitch me on a similar work without Morrison's occasional racism I'd be curious).

I'd give Rowell's run on Runaways to Sabah, if only because "somewhat antivillanous found family group of teens that mostly don't have to worry about anything besides relationship drama" sounds like a nice escape for her. Closer to what she wants the Undersiders to be like. Also, I feel she'd enjoy Kris Anka's focus on fashion in his art.

I don't have a lot to go off for Lily. I could see some of the more recent Captain Marvel runs appealing to her sense of true-blue militant heroism. Ayala's New Mutants or Ahmed's Black Bolt might help combat her whole "villains are ontologically evil" thing, at least to a certain extent.

[acrobattack]

bliss redesign based off one I made in my teens

thought process + various other bits and bobs under the cut

I was 15 and annoyed by everything that moved when this character first came out, so in my own head I was very much making a Point with this redesign. Hence, I made very minimal changes. I wanted to work with what was already there and basically just make the existing design more thought-through. Little breakdown ahead (keeping in mind i myself am very much An Amateur who doesn’t know shit and am just ranting about my opinions and i also haven’t seen a single second of the 2016 reboot so i don’t know much about Bliss to begin with)

1. one of my Biggest pet peeves with Bliss is that the powerpuff girls each have bangs that are simple, memorable, and iconic while also being unique from each other and being reminiscent of irl little girls hairstyles. It’s very neat and clever and I like it a lot

and then Bliss has this confusing jumble of shapes that looks like it changes in style halfway across her forehead

i have absolutely no idea what the intent is here. My only guess is maybe it’s meant to look weird on purpose like she was trying to cut it herself or something (I suspect it’s something like that since she seems to have normal looking bangs as a little kid from what I can see) but it doesn’t really come off that way if that’s the case. It just looks like baby’s first PPG OC where you Understand that it’s meant to be hair and that it is made out of shapes but have 0 understanding of hairstyle or character design in general. Heck I might have put this exact hairline on a character in the past at the age of like 8

So in my redesign she’s got 5 even notches across her bangs, not thee most exciting change but it does the job I think. It is pretty reminiscent of Blossom but they look different enough from each other that I wasn’t too worried about it

2. low-hanging fruit time, Bliss’s hair color is horrible on the eyes. I’m bewildered at the decision to do this, especially since there is just so much of it, I struggle to think of how she could exist in any scene without hogging all the viewer’s attention constantly. That said, I understand they wanted her to have an unnatural hair color to really signal that she is a Fresh new Teen character from the late 2010’s, which is. Whatever, that’s fine, so she gets purple hair now. I kept the streak for the same reason, especially since she’s got a lot of hair, so no harm in a little extra interest in there.

I also learned recently that her hair glows sometimes? which i did Not know when first drawing her but well i think the darker color helps anyway. It adds some contrast for when she’s normal vs when she’s glowing and makes the latter appear more,, idk threatening or powerful or whatever the mood generally is when she’s doing that.

I did re-add that toothpaste blue to her eyelids though. I like to think it’s also the color of her lasers. It’s a cute color, just not as like 70% of this character’s palette

3. real talk I was drawing this from memory and didn’t mean to change the way her hair flares out from her head. realistically I think the original is fine, maybe just a little boring but fine, so that part of the redesign was an accident. Only thing is, it’s in the exact same position in every screenshot I’ve seen? It doesn’t seem to whip around when she’s flying or anything which looks weird and probably looks weirder in motion, especially since it takes up so much space onscreen. Idk it’s a strange decision, esp since the original show liked to use the ppg’s hair to emphasize their movement, so I’d just bring more movement into her hair. I mean if nothing else it’d make her look cooler.

very very rough little visual of what I mean

I also ended up making it shorter in my redesign—again, not really intentional, but I think it’s better that it eats up a little less of her silhouette

4. Her headband is largely the same, I didn’t hate the idea of her having an accessory, so I just toned down the colors. I’m not personally a fan of the powder blue and that pink heart is very bright and just doesn’t go with the rest of her (once again the color of her hair is doing it no favors). I also moved the heart over. Not necessarily needed I think, but I feel like it reads quicker as a headband and not a weird crown that way+introduces some asymmetry into her design that I think is nice.

5. my biggest gripe other than her bangs are her hips. I’m not against adding anatomy to this character design to make her read visually as older than the girls, but it’s so awkwardly done and distracting. I feel like it even interferes with her line of action more often than not (which is not helped by her unmoving hair).

Part of the issue is she still has the teeny tiny torso, just… with those square-ish hips slapped on, which makes her legs look all gangly and stretched out. I tried to balance out the proportions more in my redesign, as well as change the hips to a flared skirt. I think it helps differentiate her from the girls and still implies hips underneath, it just also functions as a less clunky transition from her torso to her legs.

Lengthening her torso also allows the stripe to look more like a belt above the skirt, which I think helps to sell her as “similar, but not the same” from the ppg

6. Her leggings(? Idk Im not a fashion person) aren’t a bad idea I think. like a more mature version of the girls’ stockings, but I think the white makes them look really distracting. It would help to make them a darker color I think, but since I wanted to keep them reminiscent of the girls’ socks I kept them white and just shortened them.

7. Not really sure what Bliss is wearing on her feet. I think they’re Mary Janes, but they’re drawn a bit different from the girls’ and I honestly think it’s too babyish a shoe for her to wear. I’m not sure what she’s actually wearing in my redesign either honestly, but the goal was just to make them look like the girls’ Mary Janes while clearly being something different.

8. Uh her signature color is something I’ve contemplated changing a lot but to be real I think it’s fine. I feel it was a very bad idea from a marketing standpoint because people were hype about Bunny and would obviously be mad they didn’t get her once the character actually dropped (and in the long-run she would just end up being overshadowed by the character everyone has already assigned that color to) but I’m personally not bugged by her being purple beyond that. If I were to draw them together though I think Bunny would have a more pinky shade of purple and Bliss leans more blue.

Loosely on the same topic, because of Bliss I’ve had a running headcanon that “only child” types of powerpuffs tend to come out purple. Kind of like how trios tend to have a red, blue, and green. It’s a fun little piece of fake lore to rotate around in my brain

Anyway with all that out of the way, here’s some redesigns I decided to have some fun with. Wasn’t being too precious about recognizability or simplicity or anything like that, but I did run out of steam partway through. There’s also one based off Whoopass Bell bc idk, why not

Finally, here’s some OCs I only ever drew once before out of a desire to give Bliss her own teen girl archetypes to form a team with. This is Bee and Beetle, who I’ll probably definitely forget about again immediately after posting this

[bitchfitch]

idk my stained glass post is going around again and a lot of people are saying it's inspiring them but they're still hesitant to start whatever craft has their fancy rn, so here's a dipshit's guide to getting from horsey to whale when you're starting out a craft

Step 1: skim a tutorial.

don't take notes, don't pay all that much attention to it, give it like. at max 10 minutes of your time. Just get the general shape of the process into your head along with any relevant safety precautions.

the point of doing this is to stop yourself from forming expectations. Expectations are the motivation killer. Strangle them to death.

Step 2: Tool time

You may want to start right in on a project, you might even have one in your head already.

Don't. Stop that, see the point above about expectations. Your first project is going to suck major nuts, it doesn't matter what you do, so you simply must plan to make your first project as nut-sucktastic as physically possible. Burry your expectations so deep in the ground that you will leap over them by simply faceplanting.

So here's what you do instead, gather the necessary tools and materials then set aside an amount of material that you are ok with just pissing away. just absolutely wasting. If you went right in and got discouraged enough to drop a project while doing it, youd be wasting the materials anyway. Might as well get the wasting over and done with Before it eats hours of your mortal life.

Ok, now pick the first tool and associated skill involved in your new craft and just practice That. Don't try to make anything, just learn the motions and teach yourself how things move or break or bend or etc etc etc. all the real basic boring parts that don't produce anything.

Then move onto the next steps associated skills and tools. Connect them back to the product you got from practicing the first step if you can, then the third and so on, so that at the end of this ordeal you too can have a horrible abomination you can pretend looks like a horse.

Step 3: nap

With that done, fuck off and do something else for a bit. like for at Least a few hours if not a full day. Take a nap. do some drugs, play a hentai gatcha game, fuck if I care man. Just don't do the craft. This is the best way to kill expectations: fuckin forgetting what you're capable of.

step 4: learn it right this time

Actually watch/read that tutorial now. like. for real. give it your full atten and take notes on where you fucked up and how you struggled back in step two. like actual written/typed notes. You're going to be focusing on those areas and having a neat list to keep thing orderly in your head can help.

at this point it's also a good idea to try to find other tutorials that explain the Thing, but have a different person explaining it. or tutorials that are more granular. like ones that talk about the skills involved in a single step instead of the whole process. having that little bit more detail can be a game changer.

step 5: visualization

Come up with the easiest and most basic project you can think of while referring to that list of areas you struggled. You want this project to primarily focus on those weak spots and give you room to practice and improve them. ok. and now scrape the top 10% off the project. Make it easier make it smaller, make it less detailed, find a pattern instead of making your own, whatever just simplify it that little bit more.

Step 6: just do it

actually do that project while referring to your tutorials and notes.

Let yourself fuck up. Let yourself waste shit. And then move on. Don't get tangled in expectations, or let your perfectionism strangle you. Look it in the eye and strangle it back, make your shit uglier just to spite it.

Skills take time to develop. Give yourself that time and don't let your brain issues take the joy of creation from you. It's fuckin hard, but you've Got to do it if you want a modicum of happiness in this hell world. the vibe is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy but done with pure violence and vitriolic hatred of what your own neurosis are trying to take from you.

step 7: aw shit it's a never ending cycle

repeat step 5, but go for something a bit harder, then step six until you find a new muse to start over at step 1 with.

[southangel]

hey babes! just discovered your page and im literally obsessed 😍 you are so talented and i love the works so far!

since you've already done one for kyle and kenny, would it be possible to get an nsfw alphabet for stan?

Stan Marsh NSFW Alphabet

Warnings: NSFW content, MDNI

Notes: Thank you!! These compliments have been making me so motivated lately. I’m SO sorry for taking so long on this, i’ve been so busy it’s crazy. Probably will be my last smut-related work in a while since i’m taking a small hiatus on them.

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Stan would be caring after sex, but too tired to do a lot.

He’ll get you a cup of water and clean you up as much as he can, but after that he’ll probably just knock out on the spot.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Stan’s favorite body part for himself would be his mouth.

He can do so much with his mouth, and he uses it to his advantage every time.

For you, his favorite body part would be your eyes.

Stan loves how just by looking at your eyes, he can read so much emotion from everything that he’s doing to you.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically...)

Stan doesn’t care whether things get messy or not.

His cum would be a little thick, the easiest to stain as well.

Stan would not care where it gets. He prefers to cum inside of you, but your stomach or back is just fine.

Don’t swallow it, he’ll get really embarrassed..

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Stan is pretty experimental, not too much though, but enough to want to try new things.

He’s always wanted you to try overstimulating him, but he would just get too embarrassed about it.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Stan has some experience, but isn’t an expert at anything for sure, so you had a good first time with him.

He’s still getting the hang of things, even if it might take a while to remember everything that you like and don’t.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Stan does not care whatever position you choose, but he loves whenever you do his favorites.

He loves Cowgirl, he will cry at the thought of you straddling and riding him.

Does not mind spooning you at all, loves cuddle fucking for lazy days.

Stan would probably stray away from positions where he can’t see you well.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Stan would be in the middle between serious and silly, not leaning towards any side.

It really just depends on how he’s feeling most of the time, but tries to lighten things up regardless.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Stan isn’t as well groomed, but it isn’t that bad.

Just short black hair, not that noticeable.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect...) 

Stan tries to be romantic, but fails horribly at it.

He isn’t sure how to portray his love for you in the best way, so he just wings it.

He does his best though, and you appreciate him for trying, even though he can be really awkward.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Stan will jack off, is not ashamed of it at all.

If he’s ever upset or moody while you aren’t there, he will resort to it.

Stan is pretty touch starved, so he might cry until you come back, just a bit.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Please talk to Stan dirty, he loves it.

It turns him on a lot, so do it.

Stan also doesn’t mind being marked a bit, even if it’s just a simple scratch or hickey.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Bedroom is a classic, but not his favorite.

Stan’s favorite location would be the shower.

Even if it can be space limiting, the sight of the water across your body just makes it so much better.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Anything could get Stan turned on, but he really just needs to get in the mood.

Whenever he thinks of past experiences with you two together, that’s already enough to turn him on.

Or just tight clothing, anything could work.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Stan is fine with degradation, but there’s a point where he stops liking it.

If you degrade him, don’t do it too far or he’ll genuinely get annoyed, don’t make it personal either.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Loves receiving.

Stan wants to give as well, but he can’t really handle his preferences when you’re handling him so nicely.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Fast and rough, for sure.

If he’s ever feeling really romantic, he’ll be more slow and sensual.

Stan fucks more than he makes love, which is why he’s more rough.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Doesn’t mind quickies at all.

If Stan ever just needs a quick break or a little release of anger, quickies are his go to.

They’re quick and easy, perfect for when he’s in a rush.

Still likes proper sex a bit more, but there’s really no preference for him.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Open to risks and experiments, depends what they are though.

Stan doesn’t mind leaving a door or two open, maybe a window, but probably won’t risk it with his parents.

It’s not like he really cared about them, he just wants to avoid Randy’s constant nagging.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last...)

It depends on how influenced Stan is for how long he can last.

Normally does 2-3 rounds, can be 4 if he’s really eager.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

I don’t think Stan would use toys on himself, or really own them.

Maybe he would own a few, but just for you.

He wouldn’t mind using a blindfold on you for fun, but then he won’t be able to see your eyes..

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Stan loves teasing, not towards him.

He will scream and ignore you if you tease him, but he loves doing it to you so much.

He loves how he can make you react so much just by a few words, so it’s only natural that he wants to keep doing it.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Loud. Definitely loud.

Stan does not care how loud he is or what sounds he makes, risks don’t concern him.

He says that it’s his way of showing how much he enjoys what you’re doing, yet he shuts you up when you’re loud.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

I don’t think Stan would take off his hat during sex.

You can still touch his hair from under his hat, but he won’t take it off.

Don’t try taking it off, he’ll just get more aggressive.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

For Stan, I would say about 5.0 inches, 12.7 centimeters.

Would gain extra length when hard, not too much.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Stan loves you a lot, so he’s probably always excited.

To put it on a scale, I would say about 7/10, 7.5-8/10 on really good days.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Gets super tired easily.

Don’t be surprised if Stan falls asleep before cleaning you up first, he doesn’t mean it!

He’ll try to do the best he can caring for you first though.

“I swear I can go for longer, you’re just stressing me out..”

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

Bang

First posted: October 4, 2019

Focuses on: Jason Todd & Damian Wayne

Favorite bookmark: "No spoilers, but if OP doesnt write a sequel I will literally die."

Second favorite bookmark: "The noises that came from me when I reached the end of that countdown were, um, violent. 😭"

Tier: Middle of the pack

This is my “behind the scenes” series where I indulge myself horribly by annotating my fics. Link to the fic itself above. Thoughts below the cut.

I am so friggin' proud of this fic, I can't lie. It's such a powerful little one-shot, and I'm pleased with how I did it, and I'm pleased with the reaction it received. Gold star, me.

There was a bomb in the school. And the rec center. The Grove Street bank. The post office on Utica. The Nockaphee Building. The newly opened inner city hospital.

Once again, my dreaded foe, logistics. I knew what I wanted the crux of the story to be with Jason and Damian, so then I had to backtrack and figure out the scenario that best fit. Not one bomb but multiple, to scatter the family around (because there are so dang MANY and they're always RIGHT THERE in the city), and where a villain might be most inclined to stash them. I know where I got the names for the bank and the post office, but no idea for the Nockaphee Building. Google shrugs at me.

Bombs all over Gotham, embedded in the spines of community spaces and corporate structures like ticking tumors.

This inversion still tickles me.

Batman and Black Bat had bypassed evacuation to head straight to the source. Stop the bomber, stop the bomb. The rest of them were merely backup, protection in case the caped pair failed. Their job was evacuation. Get everyone out and keep them away. Every time they were given a new location, a segment of the core broke off until their forces were scattered wide across the city.

Again, friggin logistics. I duck and dodge plot as much as I can, because I don't care, there is so little actual plot to my fics. But I am as careful as I can be about seeding in realistic barriers into my story. I don't want to stop the whole story to say "Well, you see, they couldn't do XYZ because" or handwave away the most obvious solution to the problem at hand. I want it to make sense why each person is doing what they're doing (or not doing.)

Jason wasn’t normally a keep-tabs person, but explosions made him nervous.

Again, weaving plausible explanations and justifications in a way that also tells a little bit more about what relations are like between Jason and the fam right now.

The one moment of potential disaster—the bomb tucked into the belly of the rec center had malfunctioned and gone off on its own—had resulted only in property damage and no loss of life. The bomb maker hadn’t even set them all to run independently but instead had retained control via a mechanism that turned deliberate detonation into an all-or-nothing deal. All Batman had to do was incapacitate the bomb maker and turn off the controls.

Ugh, this bit of seeding was so tricky. A lot of partially started mental dead ends before I figured out these two pieces: setting up the rec center and the all-or-nothing bomb.

Jason wasn’t fluent in all of them—and had done his best to forget most of them—but he knew that a “hrnn,” unlike a “hnn” or a “mm,” was not a good sign.

This was plucked directly from the group chat. Certain members have a habit of reacting with typed out grunts like Bruce, so I've had time to appreciate the nuance.

Normally, it would be Nightwing’s job to nudge Batman into using his big boy words, but Officer Grayson had been on duty when the emergency alarm rang.

More logistical justification loaded and ready to go.

Jason leaped to the next building and ducked down, pressing his back against the low retention wall.

I don't know, I just like this. If this were a visual medium like a movie, you'd be able to see Jason deliberately blocking out the world so he can focus on whatever horrible thing is about to happen.

Okay. Okay. He was expecting worse. Jason scowled.

The double okay is a very me thing. There are two different tones involved but that's hard to invoke in writing.

Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable. This was why Jason refused to be affiliated with these people. They were all idiots. “I didn’t want Batman to worry.” Yeah, because Batman wasn’t a grown adult who couldn’t handle his own crap. Obviously. So the little gremlin had lied about where he was, concealed an injury, and now was calling Hood like his own personal Uber. And Jason was going to let him, because he was also an idiot, apparently. “You’re a brat, you know that?” Jason growled as he hauled himself to his feet again. “Fine. Fine! Where are you?”

I personally l o v e this because right now Jason doesn't actually know what's going on, he just thinks he does, so you get to see his reaction to the assumed situation of "The baby of the family did something stupid and got hurt so I get to be mad about that but obviously I'm still going to help and then I'm probably going to make his life miserable for worrying me retroactively."

“The shelving units fell on me. I extricated myself, but something is blocking the doors. I can’t—I am—I made it to the supply closet.”

Damian is being amazingly patient through all this, if you think about it. But I guess he doesn't want to have to say it all out loud yet, so maybe he's just procrastinating. Once Jason understands, then it's real.

“I wanted to know if it hurt.”

That was my cornerstone line, right there. That's the whole reason I wrote the fic. I wanted someone to say this to Jason, because they needed to know. Please picture me dabbing.

This wasn’t happening. He’d just seen the kid a couple hours ago. They’d nodded while passing to their own teams. He’d left a movie about a dog on Jason’s windowsill last week.

It's such a little piece, but I wanted to hint at the utter disorientation of traumatic tragedy, how quickly the day can change and the swooping sensation a person might feel amid that change. Also, even as Jason has spent this entire fic being like "We don't talk!" I did want to seed in that they still interact. Damian trades movies he likes with Jason. He knows where Jason's safe house is. Jaosn is upset that he's about to die.

I would go back and change all those contractions, though. And having two different he pronouns back to back without tying them to a proper noun is just bad form.

Jason couldn’t lie, not even to a little kid.

This appears to be a tiny bit of Ronan Lynch seeping into Jason. Huh. @audreycritter are you seeing this

It had hurt to the point beyond pain, like every cell, every molecule, every atom had been lit up like a Christmas tree.

That "like a Christmas tree" is from something and for the life of me I can't remember what.

Don’t say please to me. Don’t say thank you. Don’t say things that you only say because you think you’re about to die.

I write this kind of thought pattern a lot to exemplify stress and grief. I don't know how I feel about this realization.

“No.” No matter how Jason tried, it was impossible to miss the tears in the boy’s voice now. “It would kill him, having to listen. And he’ll be so angry. I cannot—I-I cannot die knowing he’s angry with me. Please don’t call Richard.”

This was where my throat started to hurt. I don't remember where exactly I started to actually cry while writing.

“You understand. You can tell them. Tell them I-I’m sorry. And that I was brave?”

It was definitely by here, though.

Jason cleared the stairwell, slowing only slightly to duck under the sagging ceiling and pick his way through the debris-strewn hallway.

Oh hey. I don't use any details here but rereading reminded me that I based the rec center on parts of a real place so that I could visualize what Jason would have to get through to get to Damian. Totally forgot.

Ten seconds. Jason lunged at the barrier, roaring as he tore aside mountains with his hands. Nine.

I think building in the countdown itself helped with the tension. It definitely helped with the writing. Generally speaking, the length of sentences should match the pacing of the action itself. For tense writing, you really want short, snappy sentences, but I am a wordy bird who loves long multi-part sentences. See: this paragraph. So hacking up the action into short sentences bracketed by a single digit countdown really helped with the vibe.

“Jason?” Damian gasped over the earpiece. “I don’t want it to hurt. I don’t want it to hurt.”

That would be me. Dying is scary, but the pain before it is scarier.

Jason threw himself into the closet and shut the door.

Sometimes a lack of closure is fun, actually.

Funny story: I didn't actually consider that readers would think I set the bomb off and killed them both. I was new, hadn't done any sad-ending fics before, and also it's comics. Even when characters die, they come back in a few months, so it doesn't really count.

So my notifications start blowing up in the middle of a football game and I had to figure out if I wanted to continue the story...

[cafeleningrad]

No, I don't think that RGU "subverts fairy tale narratives". On the contrary. I don't know how intentional the writing was on the writer's part but RGU's themes, structure, and resolution are much closer aligned to the Grimm-fashion fairy tales than the manicured opening sequence might make the viewer believe. At some points they do conciously reference fairy tales whilst alos having a good grasp on it's story contents. In fact, the opening sequence is less accurate about fairy tales than the actual plot of RGU.

Anyhow, actually a quick rambling how many fairy tale motives are in Utena. some referenced to, some overtly named, some just by my personal associciation:

The only fairy tale where the story is actually changed is Sleeping Beauty. There the visual reference is extremely strong with the duel plattform (a tower) being hidden in a forbidden forest, surrounded by thorns and roses, a princess waiting/sleeping (in her coffin) on a bed of roses. But unlike in the tale, the princess isn't woken up by the whimse of the prince but is allowed to choose if she even wants to wake up. [By the way, here's an essay comparing the pschycological literary interpretation of (The contemporary reading of) Sleeping Beauty with RGU.]

On the theme of girl locked away in a tower: Rapunzel come to my mind. Indeed Rapunzel loves her prince but he's also her co-conspirator as well as mean to escape her captivity. Their scheming is interrupted, both get horribly injured while attempting to escape. They both wnader around for a long time until their finally find each other. Scarred, they still are deeply happy to have found each other once more.

One OST track is titled "Bluebeard's castle". So fitting to be played in Akio's tower. The titular Bluebeard appears at first charming. Yet his bride discovers his secret chamber of previously killed women, relaizing what a monster her once so enarmoured husband is. It's a fairy tale beginning with a slight snese of unease, building up dread the longer the bride resides in the castle. What a perfect association for Akio's facade and body count of abuse.

The next Bluebeard in the making, Touga explicitly compares Utena with "the golden Goose"; In which every one tries to rip out the bird's golden feathers, creating a gigantic queue of greed. Even though Touga most likely wants to compare Utena to something precious worth exploiting, his comparison misses how the goose's doing finally made a princess laugh, and none actually was able to rip out the precious gold feathers.

Speaking of animals... In an conversation during which Nanami has a hard time naming her ever growing distress towards Touga's and her relationships, one statue in the background switches in the form of the "Musicians of Bremen". Nanami carriesway more animal associations than even Anthy. In fact Nanami turning into a cow is her being treated as domestic labour animal. In "The musicians of Bremen", labour animals are to be slaughtered after they can't labour anymore. So they flee their circumstances, band together (heh), and find a new home as band of misfits. Whereas the statue is a string of visual warnings about Nanami's dangerous situation, it gives me hope, that Nanami might, like the Bremen musicians, escape to a not glamorous but future full of support and friendship.

Last association coming to my mind. This is an entire free-falls association but with so many Utena-Nanami-paralles, why not make an animal comparison, too? Utena reminds me so much of the "Puss in Boots". Not destined to be anything but a cat, anything but a girl, she puts on clothing that shoul dnot be hers. It suits her quiet well. Yet the puss does it's deeds to help out their master who gave her the boots. They trick an evil magician with nothing but cleverness and ligt up their master into fortune. Utena doesn't help out of thanksfulness yet, like the cat, she does act out of care and adoration for the rose bride, and triumphs over a sinister figure that seemed once so overly powerful. LIke the wizard turning himself into a mouse, Akio turns out to not be overly powerful but actually a scared manchild who refuses to grow up, and actually isn't the allmighty figure he paints himself to be.

[Bonus: Saionji as the frog prince. Very serious analysis. Even though the popular image is one of a princess kissing a frog, and him turning into a prince, the actual tale is... not so gentle. The frog asks the princess to take hiom with her, in return to giving her back the ball that actually belongs to her. The princess feels humiliated having to play-act a romantic dinner scene at the frog's demands to sit on her side and be fed. Her protests are overruled by her father reprimanding her to hold her promise towards the frog. (Anthy mentioning how Akio is more like her father to her.) But the princess has her fill with the impertinent frog, throws him against a wall, and there: He becomes a prince. The parallels between Saionji getting beat up like a punching bag until he finally chills (somewhat) down are almost too obvious. Also, the frog and him share the colour green.]

In general, fairy tales often feature disempowered protagonists, often young women, most of the time they aren't even royalty. The protagonists often survive the most dire consequences by cleverness, resourcefulness but also their kindness to strangers - not raw power or powerful magic. I've no idea why people claim that retellings are "dark", "misbehaving", or "adult" because not only is it inaccurate to whom fairy tales were told, but even in format of children's publications, fairy tales are incredibly dark already. Children's fears of abusive parents, being neglected, mistrateatment, poverty, the world being scary being forsaken by mistakes by those who were supposed to care for the child, domestic violence, even incestuous abuse do feature in fairy tales - however, the protagonists survive the most dire of straits. Even if hurt in the process, they surivive, and "lived happily ever aftere". It's a faint, promise that they found happiness anyway. How similar it rings with "someday we will shine". If these common elements don't ressemble Utena's journey, and the circumstances of her friends, i don't know what else would bear a stronger ressemblance.

Apart from Anthy's and Akio's vague connection to godhood, and allegory, none of the kinds is special. Utena is a classic fairy tale orphan child, no special parentage, only her role as protagonist follows her fending off the darkness around her.

[shellxrls]

okay someone asked but I can’t find the post, here’s my tips on shifting.

first of all, it’s all about belief, as long as you fully believe that you can do it then you can (this gets much easier when you’ve done it for the first time cause well, you know you can do it)

you don’t need a script or anything like that!! some people prefer it but it’s not a necessary thing! though for beginners I would recommend it because it just helps get ur thoughts in place!

always be safe when shifting!! make sure to have safe words in place!! but also know that it is not possible to get stuck in ur dr! safe words just make it easier.

use subliminals! but be careful with these, make sure to use ones you trust. some of them can have horrible messages or manifestations in them.

okay so I tend to use a method, you totally don’t have to tho. I just find it makes it easier for me.

I’ll share the method that I use because I’m not sure if I invented it or if it’s just uncommon. I thought of it anyway.

the tv show method

- get comfortable and calm. I recommend guided meditation to ground yourself!!

- put on your favourite tv show, and really concentrate on it for a while, make sure you’re fully invested in the plot and that it’s what’s taking up most of your mind.

if any other thoughts go through your head that’s fine!! just let them pass.

- when you feel ready, imagine that you’re watching the show in your dr

- visualise your dr, the things around you, the sounds. try to feel the feelings that you might be feeling. notice things.

- say affirmations if you would like to. or count to one hundred. Or just keep visualising.

- when you feel ready to shift, close your eyes

- concentrate on the sound of the tv show and say affirmations

- visualise and affirm until you feel that you’ve shifted

- open your eyes when you are certain you’re in your dr!!

good luck <3

- rafe shifter

ANON BABE THANK YOU SO MUCH. if i’m gonna be honest, all this talk of shifting is making me want to try again sooo badly. i’m so grateful that you guys are giving advice and stories as well bcuz it truly motivates me sm !! i might start creating a visual diary/moodboard for now and then when i get back from my spring break trip rlly try with the intent to shift. the tv method also sounds great so i might try that when i do intend to shift.

although i haven’t shifted yet, i’d love to give my take as well bcuz quite a few ppl have asked for advice, and i think it wld be nice just to have the perspective of someone who has been rlly into shifting, but hasn’t quite yet achieved it !!

try to do basic research initially just to get a proper framework of shifting and have enough knowledge to keep up with the main linguistic terms (e.g script, cr, dr, etc). i’m not sure what the best current resources available for that is, but i know amino used to be great for finding shifting communities, and i bet tumblr also has good resources. although don’t overload yourself, it’s good to get diff perspectives but remember shifting is largely a personal experience and so ultimately whatever you choose to do has to feel write for you. for example, as rafe shifter said not everyone has to have a script, although some do find it rlly helpful as a resource.

for new shifters, don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t happen immediately. i know a lot of ppl shift to get out of a bad situation/mental state, but i personally think a large part of the energy it takes to shift is mental, and so to achieve that you should try to take care of yourself and nurture your mental health as much as possible— the more you focus on caring for yourself and your mind, the stronger it’ll get and the easier it’ll be for you to shift <3.

now for my own experience, i personally used to use the pillow method and the raven method the most, although looking back i feel like they were limiting bcuz due to the sleepy sort of state i used to be in it wld make it difficult for me to truly visualise my dr. however, one method i’d highly recommend is the estelle method (i’ll explain it in a sec), it sounds kind of strange but honestly it was the closest i’d ever been to shifting and i truly never recovered r from that fraction of a second where i literally felt myself in my dr. i can still picture it to this day and its own of my biggest shifting motivators <3.

ok anyways, here is the estelle method explained:

Step 1: Get in position. You can lay stand/sit/lay you want as long as you're comfortable.

Step 2: Play a song. Preferably something you associate with your dr or something that lets you feel connected to it. While this song is playing you’re going to imagine slow dancing with someone from your desired reality. It can be anyone: your s/o (i recommend this one lol) best friend, enemy— anyone.

Step 3: Imagine. I recommend closing your eyes for this to truly be immersed. You don’t have to actually dance, but play out the whole scenario in your mind and rlly let your imagination loose, try to imagine the landscape and the scents, anything you can. When the song ends, imagine the person from your desired reality letting go of you and saying "Y/N, it's time to go home." After they say that, they should lead you through a ‘door’.

Step 4: Affirm. Once you are inside the door, you are going to do "I am" affirmations (I am shifting to my desk reality, I am in my desired reality, etc.) anything that’ll help cement your belief really.

Step 5: Finished. When your vision goes black, you can open your eyes. You should be in your desired reality.

i think it’s a very beginner friendly method, it’s great for visualising esp if you have a song that you strongly associate with your dr and you can even have fun with it bcuz i find it’s not as exhaustive as other methods !!

remember to be safe and take care of yourself darlings !! feel free to pop into my inbox with questions for me (or rafe shifter anon if she doesn’t mind) about shifting as well, i’d love if we could have a whole shellxrls shifting community lol.

[baddiewiththebook]

ONE OF THEM [PART 2]

-> Dating your best friend Eddie Munson might have been pictured differently in your head. Despite a blissful weekend, you’re met with a few bumps in the road; and, your friends slowly figure out that what you're doing in private crosses the boundaries between friend and lover.

-> eddie munson x you (she/her)

-> friends to lovers, secret relationship, angst

-> warnings - strong language and suggestive scenes [no smut]

[Part 2] [Part 3]

This is a sequel to One of the Boys

-> <-

"Five minutes," Steve counts on his watch. "I swear I'm leaving her."

Adjusting the itchy Family Video vest against his chest, Steve has had enough patience with Robin. He slams his fist into the horn on his car hoping the entire neighborhood wakes up. Maybe they could riot to her front door to get her out of bed.

Steve twists the dial to his radio. Seriously, where is this girl? Every morning at seven o'clock, Steve stops by her house to give her a ride to school. And, every morning the same routine plays like a horribly tuned piano. Well, today's the day, Steve puts his foot to the gas pedal.

"She can walk to school," hand on the gear shift, Steve readies to peel off the curb and zip down the street. But, he doesn't.

No, Steve is far too gentle of a soul to leave his friend out on the edge of a cliff like that. Allowing a puff of hot hair to escape, he rests back in the drivers seat and takes his foot away from the pedal. Maybe knocking some sense into his head would do the trick. He bends forward onto the steering wheel. The horn beeps, and deafens him.

Robin yanks open the car door. "Good morning, sunshine!"

"Next time-" Steve says lifting his head.

"'Next time, I'm leaving you!'" Robin slots into the passenger side, and buckles herself into the car. "Anything new with you?"

Steve doesn't like to believe that he's gotten so predictable. In fact, all driving around Robin to school and the the endless amount of freshman that need rides to go to and from their stupid after school club, Steve contemplates asking for compensation. But, again, he's not that guy.

"What took you so long?" He asks.

Robin scoffs. "I was in the bathroom. What? You want me running out here with my pants down leaving a trail behind me? I don't think so."

"Thank you for that visual, Robin," Steve winces.

Sure, she's running a few fifteen minutes late, but doesn't everyone have at least one bad day - or a week - or month - or year?

Robin sat straight up in her bed that morning with a pile of drool next to her on her pillow. Hair stuck straight out on one side of her head like it was trying to escape her. Yes, she could hear every horn honk that came from Steve Harrington's car, and no she did not make it her mission to torture him every morning by being late.

Her power went out. Or, maybe she slept through her alarm. Potayto; potahto. Either way, she smudges on a bit more blush from her compact in her bag, she's in the car now right?

"Did you eat breakfast?" Steve already know's she'll say 'no.' "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, you know. And, don't you have a test in first period? Shouldn't you be focusing on that instead of . . . what is that pink stuff?”

"It's blush, Steven," She teases. "You sound like my dad."

"Ha ha," he quips back. "Backseat."

Robin stretches around to see a brown paper bag soaking in it's own juices. He's stopped at the diner, before he came to pick her up. Sure that might have been his lunch for later in his shift, but he would rather not have his friend pass out while trying to recite the alphabet or whatever they teach these days.

"Stevie!" Robin pouts her lip.

"Shut up," he jokes.

Their relationship is platonic, although Robin did have to wave off Steve’s crush on her. She’s not into him, nor is she into any other man she’s ever come across. As a friend, however, Steve has turned into one of her closest. She relies on him, especially with him withholding her biggest secret. She’s very gay.

On the way to school, Hawkins is still all the same gray town. Cool weather blows winds through the streets freezing them all like icicles. Snow this year is said to be minimal, but freezing temperatures suggest otherwise.

Pulling into the parking lot of his old high-school, Steve hits his breaks sending Robin sliding forward. She clutches her bag, and adds a screwed look upon her face.

“My bad,” Steve doesn’t sound very apologetic. But, nonetheless, they’re friends and he has to pull her leg when she pulls his.

Robin springs from the car with her backpack in her hand, and her breakfast sack hanging out of her mouth. She muffles something along the lines of ‘thank you’ lost in translation behind the paper bag.

You wouldn’t know from the outside looking in, but Robin is quite apprehensive about school. There’s only so many crowds, and so many people that she can manage at one time. That’s usually why she’s on the hunt for someone she knows so bright and early - to defend her of the rampaging school children.

For example, Jason Carver is one of the biggest a-hole’s in the school. But, people still praise him like a King. That was Steve once, so she tries not to be too harsh when she judges him. But, he’s not making the best case for himself when he’s threatening a freshman boy for flunking Jason's homework. Jason’s minions are given the order to toss him into the dumpster, and Robin has the smarts to look away.

Robin swings open the double doors to be smacked in the face with the thick musk of high school air. She’s a bit late, so she thought that maybe people had begun flocking to class. Wrong. She dodges some kid parading around with an easel with the legs sticking out, so at least no one would bump into him.

There’s a window of opportunity for her to swing into her home room, and chow down on her breakfast before Mrs. Brown doesn’t scold her for not sharing with the rest of the class. She’s got about ten minutes until the bell rings, and Mrs. Brown is no where to be seen. She’s probably got her head over the copier grinding the gears a little too hard to give out weeks worth of homework due tomorrow. That’s her favorite.

As Robin sits in her usual spot, she opens the greasy bag in front of her. Bundled under a pile of trash from Steven’s breakfast burrito, she does find herself a single sandwich. Ham and Swiss cheese with far too many thick slabs of tomato for her liking. She lets the tomato slide off in a pile of sad gooey slime, and then places the bread back on top of the sandwich to complete it.

“I’ll see you later,” the usual conversation between classmates bores Robin, but the sound of your voice piques her interest.

“Yeah, I’ll see you later,” Eddie’s words draw out low and deep.

You’re giggling now, and Robin tilts her head to the open door. Without checking for other occupants, you swing Eddie into your shared home room to plant a various amount of wet kisses to his lips.

Frozen in time, Robin sits like a statue. She knows she’s not supposed to witness the exchange. Especially by Eddie overlooking his shoulder a number of times, before running off down the other hallway. You chase after him, but only to learn into the hallway to watch him run off.

You’re completely smitten.

Robins never known you to be this unaware. There’s a time and a half that she’s readied you for dates, but she’s never seen that shine in your eye, the flush on your cheeks or the floating just above the ground where the rest of us are.

How she skirted past being caught by you or Eddie is mind blowing. But, you’re in a ‘love bubble’ that’s impenetrable.

Robin grabs a thick needle, and jabs at the edges until the bubble bursts as you sit down. Forgetting the sandwich, and the painful growls from her stomach, Robin now twists in her seat making the chair moan.

“Good morning, Robin,” you’ve got cupids arrow in your ass. “When did you get here?”

“I don’t know,” her sarcasm is drooling from her mouth now. “Sometime before you and Eddie started making out at the door.”

Your stomach flips, and your face drops down back to earth. “Uh, oh.”

Robins bounces. “When did that happen?”

“Last Friday, after school,” you blurt as the bell rings. “Listen Robin, you can’t tell anyone what you saw. Please? We’re just trying to keep a low profile for a while.”

The classroom begins to fill, while you’re still silently begging for your friend to keep her mouth shut for once in her life. Robin’s the worst at keeping secrets!

And, Robin does go through the list of who she’ll blab too first. She could tell Steve because he would just reply ‘Who?’ and get all squinty. Or, she could tell Dustin, who’s really close to Eddie. That’s a fair trade.

That’s when Robin notices the gray plume of smoke floating into the classroom. A haze of green and gold glitter spiral into the archway. Suddenly, the mask drops to the tile floor. And what’s left?

Roxie Martin.

Robin might have a bit of an imagination, but what is very real is the absolute terror stricken fear written across your face. She’s a ball of evil with a bat hidden in her bra - probably.

Yeah, Robin thinks that she’ll keep quiet for a while.

“Good morning, class,” Mrs. Brown zips into the classroom with a years worth of paper stacked in her grip. “Roxie, please find your seat. And, unless you have enough to share with the rest of the class, put away your food, Robin.”

Robin’s stomach growls.

-> <-

tags: @stardustingold @loves0phelia @ogoc-19 @hellfirenacht @blackholegladiator @alligator-person @eggo-segual @rustboxstarr @harmfulb1tch

[hurlingsupport]

Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous (Gender Neutral Reader Insert)

Chapter 17: Revival

<- Previous Next ->

The first thing you think of when you regain your consciousness is how dry your mouth is. Your tongue darts out to wet your lips, despite the better part of your brain warning you that it'd only worsen it. Yet, as soon as that thought crosses your mind, you spring up into a sitting position.

You don't feel much at first, still confusingly taking in the familiar surroundings of camp. Where was everyone? Why were you in your stiff bed? Where's your sweater? Then, you feel a pinch. It's so sudden you can't help but grimace. Reaching a hand up, you search for the source of the uncomfortable feeling, only for your blood to run cold as your hand makes contact with your face.

It's wrapped in bandages. At least most of the right side of your face is, and there's padding taped to the bridge of your nose as well. It feels uncomfortable, especially with the sweat dripping down your face. You briefly push against the bandage on your nose, wincing at the dull pain it produces. So, this isn't a dream then.

Nausea builds in your stomach, and the chills running down your spine aren't helping. Placing a single foot on the floor, you nearly jump out of your skin when you hear breathing. You see a figure next to your leg, but with the haze your mind is in, you can't quite make out who it is. Someone with dark hair, but that fits the description of a lot of your fellow campers, doesn't it? When they don't move, you continue your slow journey out of bed, assuming they're asleep. It's strange, though, since it's still bright out. Though you can't really judge.

Something builds in your throat, and you stumble towards the railing of the treehouse. Your hands grasp the wood desperately, putting all your weight onto the structure as your legs grow weak. You feel like you're on fire, especially on your face. Not to mention the ache in your head. You heave out heavy breaths, icy shivers running down your body. Why did you feel like this? Why were you only in your black tank top? Actually, you forgot you wore that under your sweater. Maybe Kenji was weirded out because you wore two shirts, and that's why he was giving you that odd stare. Maybe–

Oh, you're throwing up now. God, that tastes disgusting. There's a mixture of breakfast and blood, creating a horrible concoction of memories. That bastard Mitch, the hellcat Tiff, and the optimist, Darius. Your eye leaves the grass below, instead looking into the surrounding jungle. You feel like you’ll see something, so you continue to search the treeline.

There's a sound next to you, perhaps a voice, and yet you continue to focus on the treeline. Maybe you'll see a red glint, or maybe you'll only see the barrel of a gun. Maybe you won't get a visual warning. Maybe all you'll hear is the click, click, click as he adjusts the scope. Or perhaps you'll hear and see nothing at all, and in lieu, you'll be shot dead without any warning. Is he coming back to finish the job? Where is he? You know he's out there. He's out there somewhere, his gun filled with bullets that'll rip your skin to shreds.

Someone grabs your chin, pulling your face away from the treeline and towards them instead. However, those hands are forceful, and they pull against the skin hidden beneath your bandages, and so you yelp. Maybe if you noticed how pitiful it sounded, you would be embarrassed. However, all you can do is stare at the person who touched you. At least you believe it's a person. They back away, hands held up as if you had hurt them and not the other way around. They might look like someone you know, a certain superstar, perhaps?

But you can't really focus on them, not when they're morphing into someone different. Someone dangerous. You see it, the red glint. And when you hear the click, click, click, and watch them take a step towards you; you're running all over again. But not for long, not this time. This time, your legs fail you, and your brain doesn't register the change in direction quickly enough. So, your legs get caught on each other, and you fall. First, hitting your head onto what must be your bed frame and then crumbling onto the ground in pain.

And the burning increases, more than you thought was possible. Now, the right side of your face is boiling and wet with what you hope is only sweat. You're not sure which side of your face hit the frame, but it hurts like hell either way. You're tempted to tear into the bandages and rip your flesh off if only the burning would stop. It needs to stop. You can't handle it. But it won't stop, and the poacher comes closer and closer, until–

A gentle hand touches your shoulder, forcing a flinch out of your curled up form. You're sure it's just the bastard playing with you until a familiar voice hits your ears. The sound is clearer than anything else, and you begin to wonder if the muffled noises were all in your head. The voice murmurs your name, slowly, as if they weren't sure it was yours. And that's all it takes for you to peek up at the culprit.

It's Ben. How is it Ben? Were you dead? But that wouldn't make sense. You can still feel that fiery pain, so there's no way this is the afterlife. Plus, he looks… different. This can't be Ben. This can't be your Ben. Because your Ben would never tear his blue polo and turn it into a makeshift headband. And he wouldn't allow himself to be covered in dirt, and he wouldn't tie pieces of bark onto his arms to act as armor, and he wouldn't be looking at you with his brows furrowed in concern. Because your Ben is dead.

And yet, you allow him to help you up. You allow him to hold you against the railing as you empty your stomach once more, and you allow him to keep a firm grip on you as your legs fail you once more. Because you want this to be your Ben. You hope it's your Ben. If it isn't Ben, if your Ben's still rotting somewhere on the other side of this island, you wouldn't be able to keep going. Because you want to die with Ben. You wish you died with Ben.

So, you allow yourself to feel the joy of leaning back against the boy who may be Ben. Who you hope dearly is Ben. You know that if it really is Ben, he might struggle considering the height difference between you two, but despite that, you can't help it. Because everything around you is dimming, and you can't hold onto the railing anymore, and - you're passing out, aren't you? That isn't good, you think. You might have a serious brain injury if you're this messed up. But, you ignore those thoughts because you think Ben might be the one holding you. And that's enough to quell your worries.

The next time you awaken, you're in a much better state of mind. The haze has lifted enough for you to see your fellow campers as they are. It's darker now, the sun leaving the sky faster than you'd like it to. Still, your eye, singular now, searches the treeline every once in a while. Brooklynn has to continuously draw your attention back towards her as she shines a flashlight into your eye. She nearly grabs your face again but thinks better of it at your already fearful expression.

Your name falls from that boy’s lips again, and you find yourself staring at him. He must be Ben. It's only logical. But logic has gotten you nowhere on this island, so you can't help but think otherwise. He holds an air of confidence rather than fear, and it confuses you to no end. What happened to Ben?

With a click, Brooklynn turns off the flashlight wearing a disappointed expression. The sound pulls you into your mind, if only for a second, until your arm is being tugged.

“I got you some water!” Sammy smiles, holding a mug over your bed. You don't return the gesture.

Instead, you turn your head away from her, ogling Ben. The boy in question simply shakes his head, facing the rest of the group with an uneasy look.

“You're sure it's not a concussion?” He asks, shifting from one foot to another.

You can't help but glare at him despite the pain that comes with lowering your brows. You weren't concussed. Why did he think that? He didn't get to think that of you.

“Well, they can move their eyes around fine, so I don't think so.” Brooklynn answers, observing your change in expression. “Also, they heard that.”

The boy at least has the decency to look guilty.

“I'm fine.” You force the words out of your mouth, ignoring the burning pain that follows as the skin on your face contorts.

No one can look you in the eye. They all shift their gaze to the ground or pretend to be busy with something else. It's irritating. Why were they acting like that?

“I am.” You huff, surveying the varying looks of guilt, pity, or a mix of both.

“Look,” Ben speaks up. “When I… when I found you, you weren't in good condition.”

You can't help but scoff at him, causing him to grow defensive.

“You weren't! You were bleeding from your nose, your face, your neck! If I didn't get there when I did, the Compies would have eaten you alive!”

“Ben!” Sammy shouts disapprovingly.

You stay silent, taking your eye off him for the first time since you woke up again.

“I think the Compies are why you're alive.” Darius says suddenly, troubled eyes latched onto your form.

“What?” You mutter, not entirely sure you heard him right.

“They have a small amount of venom in their bite, which must've numbed the pain for you, even just a little bit.” He stares at the bandage on your neck, and you start missing the coverage your sweater provided you.

“That might be why you didn't go into shock.” Brooklynn guesses, hand wandering towards your neck.

Harsher than you'd like, you swat her hand away, inching towards Sammy as an alternative. Still, you feel trapped. They're all looking at you in such an unfamiliar way; it makes your skin crawl. You wish they'd stop looking at you. You wish they'd never look at you again.

“We'll leave you alone.” Ben states, walking towards the ladder of the treehouse. If you weren't so angry at him, you'd be thankful.

“We will?” Kenji asks worriedly, peering at you as if you'd disappear in the blink of an eye.

“We will.” Ben leaves no room for argument as he turns back only to grab Kenji by the collar of his shirt and drag him along. It's a funny image considering how much taller Kenji is, but you can't find any humor in this situation. There's the utterance of your name, and you glance towards Brooklynn, who stays crouched in front of you.

“You, uh, started bleeding again, so I'll have to change your wrappings.” She frowns apologetically.

You don't say anything for a second, and then two, and then you're simply nodding your head. You still feel alienated, but the lack of eyes on you makes you feel a bit better about her messing with your head wrappings.

Brooklynn's quiet as she gathers a medkit, and grabs the mug of water off your bed before placing it on the ground below. As you watch her pull the bandages from the small, red bag, you feel dread building within you. You knew she probably already saw your wound, but the fact that she's seen it, and you haven't, despite being the owner of said wound, fills you with a sense of helplessness. When Brooklynn reaches up to grab the bandages wrapped around your skull, you wrench yourself away from her hands.

“What?” Brooklynn shrieks quietly, scared she had hurt you.

“Can't I do it?” You ask.

“Do you know how?”

A frown etches itself onto your face.

“I could teach you,” Brooklynn offers. “It'd be a lot easier if I could show you my ‘Brooklynn Unboxes: Medical Assistance’ video, but I can just use you as your own example.”

She grabs some medical gloves from the pack, along with more gauze and a pair of scissors. Then, she carefully reaches towards the bandages on the far left side of your head after putting on the gloves.

“I'm going to cut this gauze off, and then I'll wrap your head up like new.” She explains, placing a finger between the wrappings and your head to make sure she doesn't accidentally cut your hair. “And when you do it yourself, you have to make sure you stuff your oculi area so it can heal from the inside out. It'll also stop it from bleeding too much in case you open it again.”

It's a bit painful as the bandages press against the opposite side, but you hold in any complaints in fear of her messing up. With a snip, she gently pulls the dressings away from your head, and the sticky globs of blood that hold onto the dressing make you sick. You quickly close your eye, not wanting to gain any ideas on how severe your wound may be. Maybe later, when you're not trying to hold in puke.

Brooklynn says nothing as she redresses the wound, even when you groan in pain as she stuffs the area your right eye used to be in. When she's finished redressing your wound, she's still completely hushed. Opening your eye, you find her staring back at you in what you assume to be penitence.

“I'm sorry for scaring you earlier.” She whispers.

You tear your gaze away from her, peeved at the very suggestion. “You didn't scare me.”

“Did someone else scare you?” She questions. And maybe she meant it to be more of a sarcastic joke, but your silence turns it into the truth. She calls your name, waiting until you meet her eyes again before continuing. “Who scared you?”

“What happened to Mitch and Tiff?” You ask rather than answer her question.

“They're…” Brooklynn pauses, as if she didn't know herself. “...Mitch is dead.”

“What about Tiff?”

“She got away.” Her eyes begin to water. “In, um, in the boat we were supposed to leave in.”

“It got here early?” You ask, befuddled.

“No, it was here the whole time. The whole waiting thing was a lie.”

You go quiet at that. Of course, you always doubted everything they said, but the very idea that a way out of the island was so close forces a shaky exhale from you. Was it all pointless? If you had fought just a little harder, yelled just a little louder, would the others have listened to you? Would you be riding in Mitch and Tiff's boat, already halfway to Costa Rica?

Brooklynn places a hand on your shoulder before pulling you into a hug. She's careful not to put any pressure on a certain side of your head, shoving her face into the nook between your neck and your collarbone.

“I'm sorry.” She whimpers, and the wetness on your neck gives you the idea that she's crying.

“It's not your fault.” You wrap your arms around her. Even though she's the one trying to comfort you, it feels more like you're the one comforting her.

“No, I'm…” she stutters, air evading her as tears keep falling. “I'm just sorry.”

You don't feel the need to respond after that. Rather, you wait until her sobs die down before pushing her away from you softly.

“You should go to sleep.” It’s more so a command than a suggestion, but Brooklynn takes it kindly.

“You too.” She smiles tiredly, hands still gripping your shoulders. With a final hug, the girl pulls away from you. “Do you need any more blankets?”

“I'll be fine.” You reply.

You'd rather not tell her that you're already sweating out of your mind. It's died down since the first time you woke up, but you can still feel the occasional chill run across your skin as you sweat like it's 100 degrees outside. And, who knows, maybe it is. But considering the fact that Brooklynn's still wearing her pink jacket without any trouble, you're sure it's just you that's experiencing this heat.

Brooklynn leaves with one final smile before she's walking to a nearby bed and plopping down without another word. You're actually a little impressed she fell asleep that fast, but considering the fact she's had to dress your grotesque wound twice in a day, you can't blame her. And your wound might not be grotesque, but you're assuming it is. Because if you trick yourself into believing it's better than it is, you'll actually go into shock once you see the actual thing.

Again, your mind wanders to different looks your wound might have, and you have to twist your body within your bed to draw your mind away from it. You focus on the dull pain inside your head, accompanied by the burning sting your actual wound holds. No matter how you angle your head, the pain persists. In the end, you give up on being comfortable, instead sitting still in your bed as you await the merciful hand of sleep to pull you in. It's quiet, even as you hear everyone climbing back up into the treehouse.

“They didn't drink the water.” Given the accent, you can only assume that's Sammy’s voice. Along with the fact that she's the one who handed you the water in the first place.

“It's fine.” Yasmina, you believe, reassures her.

Sammy lets out a whine, and you begin to regret not drinking it if only so she'd let it go.

There's some minor shuffling as everyone gets situated in their own beds, all but Darius and Ben. Luckily, you're facing away from everyone, so you listen in on their situation. It's really not your fault since they're talking so loudly.

“You might have to sleep with Bumpy,” Darius admits. “Since we didn't think you, um–”

“It's fine, I was going to sleep with Bumpy anyway.” Ben brushes off his distress.

“Are you sure?” Darius's voice is full of perplexity.

“Yeah, why not?”

“...” Darius goes quiet, and you think he may be waiting for Ben to say it himself before giving up. “I mean, Bumpy's sleeping down there on the grass.”

“Yeah.” Ben confirms.

“In the dark.”

“Uh huh.” Ben's probably nodding his head.

“And you're alright with that?”

“Indubitably.” Ben seems unbothered, and it concerns you as well.

“You really are different.” Darius utters.

“I've gotta be.” Ben says happily, despite his words being a bit grim.

“Okay, get some sleep, Ben.” Darius ends the conversation with that, likely making his way towards his own bed.

There's some final shuffling as Darius enters his bed, and after that, it's silent. You begin to grow concerned, especially since Ben said he was going to sleep with Bumpy, and yet you never heard him move. Was he waiting for everyone to go to sleep? Was he staying up to keep watch? That wasn't like him. He wasn't acting like he should at all. Why–

Footsteps, heading your way, nearly bring your heart to a stop. Has he realized that you're awake? Is he going to scold you? Actually, that shouldn't be too scary. He's just Ben. But then again, this Ben is different from the one you know. Everyone else is acting like it's normal, most likely because they grew familiar with his new attitude while you were unconscious. But it isn't normal, and you refuse to act like it is.

The footsteps stop at your bed, and you have to stop yourself from holding your breath lest you give yourself away. Ben huffs, before taking a seat on your bed. You'd be offended if you weren't so confused. What was he doing?

Your brain nearly short circuits when you feel his back pressing against yours. Was he… sleeping with you? But he said he was sleeping with Bumpy. Why would he lie about that to Darius?

“I'm sorry.” He whispers.

Your breath quickens briefly before evening out.

“I shouldn't have yelled at you.” He mutters with a tone of regret. “I was just scared.”

You purse your lips as you clutch your bed sheets tightly. This was your Ben. You know now.

“You were so bloody when I found you, I wasn't sure you were even alive still. But I picked you up anyway, and–” His breath hitches. “I thought you were gone.”

Your eye waters, brimming with tears.

“You probably thought the same thing about me.”

You did. You thought you'd only ever be able to see him in your dreams from then on. You thought you'd have to die in order to feel him once more. And now, you feel his warmth against your spine, and you have to hold in your sobs.

“I shouldn't have waited, I should've told you guys what Mitch and Tiff were planning.” You think he might be crying too. “Now, you're…”

He pauses, shoulders bumping into yours a few times as sobs rack his body. He's quiet throughout this, even though you know he's dying to scream his troubles out to the world; out to you.

“I missed you.”

The dam breaks, and you can't hold in your sniffles anymore. But it's alright, because Ben's in the same boat. You know he's heard you by now, but he doesn't mention it. He doesn't turn you around and order you to forget everything he's said, he doesn't stop crying in an attempt to pretend he didn't just spill his heart out to you, he doesn't do anything but cry with you. And perhaps that makes the realization that he's Ben, your Ben, so much more real. Because only your Ben could share these feelings with you while you were both turned away from each other. Only your Ben could help you fall asleep with the distraction of his kind warmth.

Only your Ben could miss you as much as you missed him.

[hell-drabbles]

Embittered Companion idea

While Ra-On is Solomon's descendant

Companion is God

Hear me out

God left Heaven after Solomon's death and either split himself up or reincarnated

So while in current timeline Ra-On represents Solomon

Companion represents God or at least a fragment or incarnation of him

Which is why Companion's angelification goes horribly wrong and why angels are so taken to Companion

I had this idea a while ago and thought it would be funny to play with

Especially since PB might go under so I wanna write my own lore

I know PB isn't ever gonna do this

But I enjoy the idea that later in game rather then Ra-On being both the demons and angels object of affection and the solution to everything

Ra-On meets someone or someone he knows (Minhyeok) who is the incarnation/fragment of God and thus this is what stops the whole war

PB won't ever do that though since Ra-On has to be the horny main focus in everything

Dante Anon

Strap yourself in, tis a long one!

In the end, the main focus is just to be horny, and I'm honestly okay with it that if it weren't for the narrative trying to be super uber serious. It wants to be comedic, but it always wants to try and do gut wrenching emotion, but you can't do that when the MC has barely known these devils for more than a month at most.

Would've done the horny aspect justice if the writers just leaned in hard on the comedy and basically have it be a dark humor comedy from start to finish. Angels slaughtering devils and suddenly there's a holiday and the devils and angels are celebrating and fucking one another.

Hmm? Oh yeah, I know this angel killed my brother but we patched him up fine! Besides, I wanted to see what he tastes like, don't ruin it for me.

In that dark comedy version, I probably would've had it where the war was only started for the sake of a promise. Solomon made the devils and angels promise to spoil their descendants rotten, so the angels and devils come together to craft this bitch huge scenario that's basically, "angel/devil war, descendants come and stop the war, huuuuge celebration!" the whole war was crafted to make the descendants feel special and they're pretty upfront about it too. "Yeah we know you humans like to feel really special, so you get to stop a whole war!" That kind of thing.

You know, that kind of humor.

Anyways, let's seeeee, how would I go about an AU where the Companion is somehow connected to God.

I'll go with the fragmentation portion and say that the Companion has that in them. An insignificant fragment that subconsciously always seeks out Solomon no matter where they are.

Both Ra-on and the Companion are in the realm of "special," but the difference between them is that, narrative wise, Ra-on is eventually going to lose what makes him special, as in Solomon is finally going to rest. Ra-on's special status is highly situational, only awakening as soon as he was in Hell or near an angel. And as for the Companion, well...

I would imagine that having a fragment of God in you is going to mess with you from birth until death. The Companion has always heard low whispers, prayers that sometimes spike in volume depending if a tragedy or a violent storm happened. Suffering from both visual and auditory hallucinations. They avoid churches like the plague because the whispering always gets louder near those places, and they constantly have an umbrella over their head because the clouds simply bother them.

I'd like to imagine that the fragment the Companion got ended up containing all of God's grief inside of it. Grief, regrets, all those things. Sleeping becomes an incredibly hard thing for them, because if they don't take their sleep medication, they always wake up feeling like someone else. For just a few minutes, the Companion doesn't remember their name. All they remember is someone named Solomon. And then they forget just a few moments later.

Minhyeok is such a sweetheart and you know he helps the Companion through those rough episodes when the prayers become too much, or when they're too enraged and need to let off some steam. Rage and bitterness, the Companion has a lot of it, but that's just the usual. And Ra-on... well, he used to help, but he's retreated into that shell of his.

Nothing really changes when Gabriel comes barging in and killing Minhyeok. If anything, the Companion was even more enraged so not only do they clock him in the eyes with glass and plates, they stomp on his nose and broke the damn thing.

So anyways, no the angels don't sense anything in the Companion, they're just a regular human.

Now, as for the angelification process... I would imagine that when they're reborn, Heaven began to shake. Clouds parted, houses crumbled and the sun shined with a ferocity like never before. For a moment, the angels believed that finally, finally their God is returning home to them.

And then everything goes back to normal. There is no God, and now they've got a damaged Heaven to repair. And oh, would you look at that, Gabriel brought home this... abomination. Isn't that the Companion that was with Solomon son? By this point, only Gabriel has a suspicion, everyone else is none the wiser.

The Companion has always had the fear that one day, these prayers would overtake their head and they would be unable to think. Now they're being pelted by hymns, prayers and vicious sermons of devotion as angels slaughter more and more devils. One can only imagine the absolute nightmare existence the Companion is living.

Now, a human looking like this messy Companion is entirely expected. The difference between the Companion and a regular human, though, is that a regular human would usually die within a matter of days. The Companion survives for weeks, months on end. And, in fact, their body is changing. Taking on a new form, adapting even, becoming more and more beautiful in Gabriel's eyes until finally he's one step away from confirming that yes, this is God.

The ability to make an angel.

Now, the Companion only has a fragment of God in them, as such the ability to make something out of nothing is wholly out of their realm of possibility. So, they can't make an angel out of thing air.

They can, however, make an angel out of the many wings they have on their back. The Companion's body is constantly changing, almost violently so. So much so that entire sections of wings fall off and regrow like nothing. And when the first set finally fell, a new angel was born from them.

The Companion can make new angels unconsciously, just by having a set of their own wings fall off.

Alright, I ran out of steam, that's about all that's in my head at the moment. Hope that was fun to read.

Obviously I would want these angels born from the Companions fallen wings to be... different from the average angel. Though I have no clue how to go about it. I really do like the thought though. Sounds like fun.

What kind of angels would you make for the Companion? How do they act, and how do they feel about their existence, about being crafted by a Companion who is... Not completely themselves? I'm really curious.

[belmottetower]

3.11 - Council Estates and the Right To Buy

In 3.11, we saw Jamie go home to his mum’s, and we learned that she still lives in the council house that Jamie grew up in. This has interesting implications and possibly negative ones if construed the wrong way. In the Subjectify articles, we've already discussed those implications, because it's something I've been concerned about since we first saw the trailer shot of Jamie's childhood bedroom. I knew even then that the story beat would have to be about throwing back to the Roy poster - that's why they had to keep Georgie in the house Jamie grew up in, rather than have her in a new house elsewhere. It was a choice made specifically so Roy could see the poster. 

But in making sure that could happen, it leaves us with the unfortunate framing that Jamie didn't buy his mum a house when he got rich, and "buying your mum a house" is basically the first thing a working class footballer like him would do with his money. It's a really standard baseline. I have been nervously obsessing about Ted Lasso accidentally implying that Jamie wouldn’t have done that, for months now. I had already decided, before the episode aired, that if they did not clarify either way, I would have to assume that she did not want to leave the place she lived, and that rather than a new house, Jamie had bought her their old house on the Right To Buy, a government scheme introduced in the 1980s that allows most council tenants to buy their council home at a discount. (I do have issues with this policy generally, and the impact it had on the amount of council housing available, but that’s not for now.)

There is sort of a level of visual evidence for this - the inside of his mum’s house is really well maintained and clearly full of pretty expensive furniture and items. They definitely own it, and having now met her, gotten her vibe and seen the kind of house it is, it makes a huge amount of sense to me that she stayed there. It might have felt different if we saw a different KIND of council home, but in this specific situation, it tracks. 

There’s a bit in my primer about this, but in the UK, council housing comes in a lot of different shapes and sizes. Some of them will be flats in tower blocks (like the one Roy points to from the Westway sports pitch in 2.05 - in real life that is a council housing block in Ladbroke Grove and private apartment buildings like that simply don’t exist, Roy is a council estate kid too) or the flat fronted buildings with outdoor walkways (think Kingsman, or Rose’s place in Doctor Who) but a lot of them are houses like the one you see Jamie’s mum living in - solidly built terraced houses on car-free streets, inside the boundaries of an estate. Sometimes the estate in general contains both apartment blocks and rows of houses, with some green spaces built in too. That No Ball Games sign is a staple in any and all council estates across the UK and is ignored in council estates up and down the country by children just like the ones seen in this episode and it is lovely to think about Jamie once doing the same thing. I really liked getting to see the kind of estate he grew up on.

So, TL:DR - they would own that house now, even though it’s on an estate, otherwise they would not be eligible to still be living in it. And it’s not universally horrible to live on a council estate, or in a street of ex-estate houses.

But that “Jamie didn’t buy her a house” discourse is definitely brewing - I have seen people discussing this already as “wrong,” and I agree that it is wrong in the sense of they should have taken a line or two to clarify the way that situation might have worked, specifically to not accidentally paint Jamie in a bad light. What I don’t agree with is that it’s “wrong” for her to have stayed put - that living in that area, in that type of house, on that estate is somehow inherently bad and a situation she should have been rescued from by Jamie. And at this point, insisting that she should leave or have something better is swiftly bordering on classist.

There are a lot of stereotypes that exist about working class families and council estates. That they’re all shitty places to live, that everyone who lives in them is a benefits scrounger, or a druggie, or an alcoholic, or are involved in crime or gangs. Frankly it’s an awful stereotype that just furthers the classism and class divide in the UK. There are issues in some places, but it is not ubiquitous. Georgie clearly had Jamie pretty young and would have been granted a “family home” house by the council. Living in a little cul de sac like that, it’s very likely she had a strong community of neighbors, other families with kids who all would have supported one another. She would have been looked after, as a young single mum, and Jamie would have been safe to run about and be cared for by everyone in the street if Georgie was working. It would not have been perfect, but it may have felt safe and warm in its own way.

So once Jamie got rich - given that Georgie doesn’t seem to have any other kids who might benefit from a bigger house or anything - I can honestly see Jamie trying to buy her a fancy house somewhere else and her being like “What the fuck would I do in some fancy suburb in Chesire? This is my home, I’ll stay here thanks,” and so Jamie just bought her the council house they’d grown up in and paid to get it renovated and done up nicely so Simon could have his laboratory, and Georgie a nice place to live, with her friends still close by. Except for his childhood bedroom, which she clearly refused to let him touch and him being the biggest mummy’s boy ever he didn’t argue. 

Britain used to be incredibly proud of its strides in social welfare, and council housing was once very good quality building work. (If you ever want to watch a show that depicts the origins of, and pride in, social welfare for the working class communities in the UK in a beautiful, nuanced way that will make you sob every other episode please go and watch Call the Midwife from the beginning and come scream at me about it.) These are desirable homes - in fact, Right to Buy aside, a lot of older council housing, both houses and flats, are “de-counciled” and sold off privately to new home buyers who were never in the welfare system. I actually rent an ex-council flat in London, from a landlord who bought it privately. And I have a friend of a friend who privately bought and renovated an ex-council terrace almost exactly like Georgie’s. It’s not the greatest thing when council housing gets privatized, especially when the new replacements are of such terrible quality. But the original places are built to last, so Georgie’s house definitely could be done up to a high standard once they had the right to do improvements that were not the bare minimum of the overstretched housing organization. And between Right To Buy, private sales, and people who are still in the council housing system, an estate like Georgie’s these days may have any number of privately owned homes mixed in, and different incomes and circumstances within the same street or block of flats. Some are quite gentrified and even trendy.

I’m explaining this so people know the context when they talk about a council estate like the one we saw. I think there is a tendency to want to make Jamie’s background and childhood the most traumatic it could have possibly been, even more so than is on screen, and so it’s possible people who are less familiar with the UK and how council housing works or what council estates are like, could think that Jamie’s home growing up and the estate he lived on was awful and shitty and very very rough. And that could have been the case if he had lived on one of the rougher estates or in a flat in tower block that was falling apart and hard to do up not worth salvaging (a lot of them are being torn down) but that is not the kind of place the episode chose to show us. So now, having seen it, saying “How dare Ted Lasso not show him buying his mum a big house in order to help escape his traumatic upbringing and dirty poverty life” is honestly not a great take and is a pretty classist way to look at the millions of families in the UK that live in council housing. The episode absolutely should have stated that he bought that house rather than risk letting anyone think she’s still living within the welfare system because Jamie didn’t take care of her, but there’s a difference between that and removing her from the environment entirely if she was happy and at home there.

But speaking of adding extraneous trauma, there’s another element of Jamie having been brought up on an estate that I also want to talk about. 

As someone who has been, in my fic, flying the flag for Jamie’s mum being alive and lovely and for them to have been super close for what feels like an eternity, this episode was so so so good for me. I’ll be honest, I always found the fact that some people were certain Jamie’s mum was dead quite baffling, because in the show, the way he talks about his mum right as far back as Two Aces, using present tense means it always seemed clear she was alive and I really just took the “Don’t think she would be lately” part about not being proud to mean that she didn’t know how he had been acting at Richmond, in training, with Ted and Sam, because he didn’t tell her. Not that she’d died, or had become estranged or something.

And then even aside from like, grammar, I just never thought the show depicted Jamie as someone who had suffered the loss of a parent. Especially when you compare him with Ted - who we all know did. Jamie was just not written as a character who is carrying around grief, especially recent grief, and his apology to Roy in season 2 proves it - "I aint used to being around dead people. It just, it did something to me, emotionally." This is very different to Roy’s explanation of why he acted so weirdly towards Keeley at the funeral itself - namely that memories of his grandad’s death were messing with him. It would be a very weird choice by the writers to have Jamie lie and say he hadn’t been around death if he had lost his mum.

So yeah, I always thought she was alive, and I always assumed - based on the ages kids tend to get scouted and acknowledged as good by the academies - that James hadn’t been around much until Jamie’s mid to late teens, and as such that Jamie didn’t ever live with James, just saw him occasionally. He certainly would not have ever had custody rights, if he walked out when Jamie was a baby and showed back up when he was 14.

But while I found the “Jamie’s mum is dead '' takes surprising, I almost preferred them to the theories and fics (sorry, people have the right to write what they want in fic, but I just hate it) that his mum was probably an alcoholic or a drug addict, or absent, or complicit to the James abuse, or just generally a bit shit and anything less than fantastic. Because Jamie talks about her in nothing but the nicest, softest terms, and Jamie himself - when not in his prime prick era, which legitimately only lasts for about three episodes - is the nicest, softest boy with the strongest sense of self. Even if he’d never mentioned his mum, his whole personality felt like it was the product of an upbringing with a whole lot of love and kindness and nurturing and being made to feel special. 

The swiftness with which he reverted to sweetness and openness even in season 1, as well as his natural ego, the funny version of it, felt like his natural state of being, not a new development, and I always attributed this to his mum, which we now obviously know to be true. I’ve seen lots of people this week saying “As soon as we saw Jamie with his mum, EVERYTHING about him suddenly made sense,” and I am thrilled that people see this now, because this is what I always thought. I reverse engineered what his mum must be like based on his character so far, and it turned out just as I thought but even more so. I’ve also seen ideas that even if nothing was “wrong” with her, Jamie was somewhat estranged from her due to James and also sounding wistful when talking about her, or something, but I very much disagree. The two times he’s spoken about her, he has ALSO been talking about James, which was the thing he was sad about - they weren’t moments where he was being peppy and enthusiastic about how much he loved his mum. But also, now that we’ve met her and seen them together, I can kind of imagine him talking wistfully about her after not seeing her for like, a month, just because he is always missing her, LOL.

Anyway, how people interpreted their closeness or estrangement before this week is obviously something we did not know for a fact. The thing is, what we did know is that she was a single mum and that Jamie lived on a council estate in North Manchester, and that knowledge is what made me really side-eye some of the interpretations that framed her as either an addict or a kind of deadbeat figure that meant they had a bad relationship in some way. Because in the UK, there are a lot of stereotypes and stigmas around single mums in general, but in particular working class single mums who live on council estates. It’s really really awful and often revolves around them being unemployed, benefits scroungers, being neglectful or abusive, being drug addicts or sex workers, and it’s a really pervasive part of UK society and classism, and it felt like the details we knew about Jamie’s childhood on an estate is why people leant that way about his mum in a way they wouldn’t have if the council estate thing hadn’t been specified.

Where I work, we represent people across the UK and help get their stories shared to impact politicians. In one instance we got someone we represent onto the national news to talk about the cost of living crisis. She’s a single mum. When the clip got shared on social media she faced so much abuse and harassment and stigma because of these pervasive ideas people have about single mums and ended up having to delete her social media to get away from it. It was deeply upsetting to her, myself and my coworkers.

So I honestly always found fic or meta in which a character who, based on canon, is only ever mentioned as being attentive, loving and someone Jamie has a good relationship with, was portrayed along the above lines really hard to read. It just always felt rooted in the worst kind of stereotypes and classism, even if not intentionally. Anyway, point is…I am so fucking thrilled that we finally got to meet Jamie’s mum, that Georgie is lovely and kind and cuddly and supportive, that Jamie is an even bigger mummy’s boy than I ever could have dreamed, and that he even had a bonus soft baker stepdad father figure who had been around long enough to know that Roy Kent’s poster never left Jamie’s room. And the fact that his parents live in a house they now own, on a council estate where Georgie had a long-established community, is a perfectly fine choice. It isn’t something you need to retcon, you just need to know about the Right to Buy scheme.

[sageistri]

it may sound harsh but honestly it feels like a lot of people around here just don’t know jimin very well. a lot of people love jimin visually and the sultry androgynous image that has been associated with him for years and just ignore all of the other traits he has in favor of that brand. jimin is someone who has ALWAYS had a strong emotional connection to the group, its members, their music and fans. he’s always had a preference for happy concepts and has stated that concepts like lie (and lc by extension) have a negative impact on his mood and anyone who knows jimin knows that’s true bc he immerses himself in the performance. jimin has given signs left and right to the kind of art and concepts he gravitates towards and so many people just ignore that bc it does not fit with who they want him to be. all of the most hated bts releases like ptd and ytc jimin loves. so why did people expect him to suddenly become an entirely different person during his solo career? i get that those might not be everyone’s cup of tea but what is the point in stanning someone if you don’t like anything they do except their appearance? the difference between then and now is that right now it is undeniable what message he’s sending and there’s nothing these people can distract themselves with to ignore it.

personally, i feel like most of the hypernegative reactions ive seen this era are a result of people actually realizing what jimin truly values and the fact that he does not fit into the tiny aesthetic box that they want him to. so many people are overreacting to the content this era bc they resent jimin for not being who they want him to be.

atp i think a good chunk of people need to realize they’re simply not interested in what jimin wants to put out and keep it movin bc sticking around just to shittalk and doompost about the creative decisions he makes is not doing ANYONE any favors, most certainly not jimin.

(for the record, this post does not refer to people who have normal negative feedback and can engage in normal discussion about content)

You're right. I think the concept could play a huge role in people's enjoyment of the songs but I am also one of those people who didn't like it and one thing I've always hammered on is that I don't care about concepts. What I care about is how the music sounds to me sonically. Butter, dynamite and ptd are all on the same spectrum but I hate dynamite and I like ptd and Butter. So with me it's really all about how it sounds to me. We're not going to like everything. So yes it could be all that but It could also simply just be a case of people not liking the songs alone.

But one problem with new age kpop as a whole is that they have this thing where they all agree a song is good simply because it's "sexy". But anything happy and bubbly is considered horrible now. And yes like the typical kpop stan, some pjms do have this problem with jimin. And it can be seen with how they can't seem to let go of the tailor of chaos concept, and the obsession with wanting him to do something "conceptual". Again, I wish we wouldn't conflate people simply just not vibing with the songs to anything else.

Good for us all that he's in a better place mentally, but it's not going to make someone like something they don't like and I doubt jimin would expect that. And even then, I wish people could admit that they are not on the same page as him without doing all this. I mean telling them jimin is in a different frame of mind isn't going to make the song sound good to them, because there's nothing anyone can do about that, but what they can do is not act like the world is ending just because you Don't like one project.

It is sad that jimin is barely even two albums in and we're already having these conversations. And yes it is a sign that some of y'all do need to unstan.

[heliads]

Hi! I was wondering if you would mind writing a Bucky Barnes x Fem!reader where the reader is Bucky's soulmate and she knows that but Bucky doesn't then one day the reader becomes injured and then Bucky sees whatever soulmate mark you decide on. Thank you!

it's been too long since the last soulmate au

masterlist

Bucky Barnes is staring at a blank on his S.H.I.E.L.D. file and wondering how in the hell he’s supposed to fill it in. It is not the only one of such imposing empty lines, obviously, the sheer quantity of things that Bucky may or may not have done in his life that he has no idea about could probably fill another twelve dossiers or so, but this one in particular is enough to fill him with significant trepidation. 

For once, this specific box to check likely marks empty spots on the files of many other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, those both ex-brainwashed Russian killers and not. It’s a box that even civilians can go their whole lives without ever seeing filled. Usually, you hope that you’ll be able to find your soulmate before you take your last breath on this world but, well, no one’s ever lucky one hundred percent of the time. Someone always has to be the loser, the kid who gets picked last for schoolyard games, the guy who can’t manage to find his meant to be before it’s too late.

Somewhere inside, Bucky harbors a fear that the guy might be him. After all, what are the odds that he’d get to find his soulmate after the weird life he’s led? For all he knows, he left his soulmate behind in the 40s. Maybe they were supposed to meet him after he came back from fighting in the war and their paths never crossed once Bucky fell from that train. The visual makes his heart ache, picturing some woman growing old by herself all because he couldn’t manage to come back from that mission.

In fact, his soulmate could have been born during any time over the last hundred years or so. Bucky has been put into and come out of the ice over so many years that it would be impossible to map out any decade when he should have found his soulmate but just didn’t. In truth, he half wonders if he even has a soulmate at all. Were it not for the mark, he’s fairly sure he’d be able to talk himself out of thinking it was possible. After all of the horrible things Bucky has done, why should he deserve someone like a soulmate?

Yet the mark remains. Everyone has one, even if they haven’t managed to track down their soulmate yet. The idea is simple enough, although heaven knows it’s been analyzed so many times by self called scholars that everyone has a different take on it. Most people can agree on the bare minimum, though. Your soulmate’s biggest regret is written in their handwriting on your chest, right above the heart like an arrow between the ribs.

If you can use that scrap of information to find them, great. Bucky’s heard thousands of stories over the years of couples locating each other through the smallest of hints, the biggest of coincidences. His parents both regretted a train they never took and met one night wandering the city alone, wondering about the places they should have been. 

When his mother died when Bucky was just a kid, his dad’s mark changed to something about not treasuring the little moments. Bucky thought that’s what his would be when his father died a few years later, but he’s committed enough atrocities now to wash out such a commonplace regret.

It’s strange to think about what mark would be on his soulmate’s body now, if she’s still alive and not a corpse buried in time by now. What would it possibly say? Bucky has enough regrets to fill a thousand caskets, and he seems to be working towards that with every new job he takes. Bucky hurts and tortures and kills. It is the only thing he has known for quite some time. If he had any regret, it would be that someone has kept him alive for so long that he could have accomplished all these grievous tasks.

All these twists of fate have still led him to the same place, though, sitting in the S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters and staring at his file. One of the agents in charge of handling the Avengers has handed over the manila dossier in the hopes of coaxing some more information out of him. Instead, it’s sent Bucky spiraling on a tangent of what he deserves in this life. Does he really get a soulmate after everything he’s done? Or should he damn himself to solitude in some desperate plea for penance?

All this might have changed were it not for the fact that Bucky does have a mark, and judging by the looks of it, his soulmate might be just as much of a mystery as him. It’s deceptively simple, this phrase inked onto his skin, and written in such a plain script that it could belong to thousands of people. There’s no way he’d be able to stick it to any specific person unless they told him outright. No, there will be no personal secrets here, not from his soulmate.

The tattoo above Bucky’s heart says this and this alone: opening the door. It could mean a thousand different things, and over the years, Bucky has had plenty of time to ponder them. Does his soulmate blame herself for something she did, for letting someone in? His latest theory was that she welcomed a killer into her house, although of course that could just be Bucky’s years of combat experience making up violence out of nothing. Maybe it was just the cause of a bad breakup. Odds are, his soulmate has a normal regret because she’s a normal person who doesn’t deserve all of the bloody baggage that goes along with James Buchanan Barnes.

A sound from across the room makes him startle.

“Are you done staring at your file, or can I take you out of here?”

Bucky looks up and breaks into a smile. His questioner is another agent, but this time a friend, not an inquisitor. He’s known Y/N L/N since he started working with the Avengers, and they’ve been close ever since. She understands exactly what it’s like to never know who to trust. They both have secrets they’d rather hide, and that means they’ll be closer than anyone else here.

Y/N started off as an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., yes, but she almost didn’t turn out that way. The agent who first recruited her ended up being HYDRA. After Y/N graduated from S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy, that superior officer gave her a spot on his team. She trusted him more than anything, which is why she didn’t question him at first when he started giving her secret missions, trips out to clandestine locations that never went in the official reports.

When the HYDRA reveal first came about, Y/N was stunned. It turns out her recruiting officer had been using her to fulfill his schemes for years. All this time, she thought she was furthering S.H.I.E.L.D.’s agenda, but instead she was being sent to kill people who started suspecting HYDRA moles. It’s been haunting her ever since for obvious reasons. Sometimes Bucky wonders if she ever wishes she never joined S.H.I.E.L.D. in the first place just to avoid all the blood that’s now stained her hands.

That makes two of them with long lists of regrets, however. It also means he’ll always give Y/N far more of his attention than anything else. That’s what you do for your closest friend, he supposes. You find someone who fits with you and never let them go.

“I would be happy to finish up here,” Bucky answers her at last.

Y/N arches a brow. “You sure? You seemed to be in a pretty serious staring contest with that piece of paper.”

Bucky chuckles. “I was told to write down any new information so you could have a more complete file on me. Turns out I don’t like thinking about the fact that I still have no idea who my soulmate is.”

For some reason, Y/N’s face locks slightly. It’s the same sort of look she gets when she’s biting back a truth, keeping some part of herself hidden back. She always wears it when he talks about soulmates. Bucky once heard that she’s afraid of finding her soulmate because she’s terrified that he’ll betray her just like that superior officer did, and although that was nothing but a rumor, it makes sense.

In response, Bucky doesn’t bring up soulmates around Y/N. She seems grateful for it, and they keep it like that:  easy conversation, nothing more. It wouldn’t do to alienate the best thing Bucky has going for him at the moment over some discussion he could probably do without.

He stands up from the table, casting his dossier down on the surface without another thought. “Anyway, it’s not that important. What job do we have now?”

“You always assume I’m here for a mission,” Y/N chides, “what, I can’t just visit my friend because I feel like it?”

When Bucky remains judgmentally silent, she sighs and gives in. “Yeah, there’s a mission. Don’t give me that look. Basically, Fury sent in an agent to retrieve some data and the whole thing went south. What was supposed to be an abandoned HYDRA facility turned out to be very much not abandoned, and now he needs an extraction team before he gets someone killed.”

Bucky nods. “When do we take off?”

“A few hours,” Y/N replies, “why, do you have plans?”

“I’ll have to push off my melancholy musing for another day, but that’s probably for the best,” Bucky answers casually.

Y/N laughs. “As much fun as that sounds, your musing will have to wait. We have lives to save, Bucky. Let’s get going.”

Bucky watches her as they walk through the twisting halls of the S.H.I.E.L.D. complex. He’s heard people, both agents and Avengers alike, joke that the two of them should be soulmates from sheer similarity alone. They both have the same sort of personality and sense of humor. Factor in the fact that they’re both professional murderers and you’ve got the same person. If there was ever any two people that were just meant to be, it would be Bucky and Y/N. So the stories go, anyway.

In truth, Bucky isn’t sure that he would mind it. Sometimes when he’s had a couple too few hours of sleep and his mind is wandering unchecked, he pictures that sort of life. They could get a place together, some house or apartment that even S.H.I.E.L.D. wouldn’t know about. He can imagine coming back from a hard day to find her waiting for him. They’d both be exhausted, but it would be enough to stay there with her and fight back the storm for another day.

It is not to be, of course. Y/N has her own life and Bucky is not a part of it outside of their friendship. That’s alright, though. Bucky can convince himself that it is alright. As long as he has her easy laughter, he can do anything. So he tells himself, at least. Still, when their own extraction mission goes south and Bucky starts worrying that he won’t even have that, his tenuous grip on his emotions starts to unravel. 

Out of desire to protect the already failing mission status, Fury hadn’t told them a whole lot about what they’d be walking into. In all honesty, Bucky isn’t sure that even Fury knows what’s going on in there. The agent stopped responding to pings about an hour ago. All Bucky and Y/N have to do is either help the agent get out or go retrieve a corpse.

Still, it would have been nice to have at least a little more information, perhaps about the number of people who’d be firing at them. Bucky and Y/N are huddled under some cover right now, although judging by the sheer quantity of bullets currently streaking towards them, it won’t last forever.

Y/N breathes out harshly, whipping out from around the corner of their protective overhang to fire a few shots at their attackers before hurrying back to safety. “This is only going to hold for a few more minutes. We need to move.”

“Fury said his agent was holed up in a warehouse,” Bucky recalls, “there’s one just across the clearing. If we can make it across, we can get the agent and get out.”

“Easy as that?” Y/N says, one eyebrow raised.

“Yeah, easy,” Bucky replies, starting to grin, “what, that doesn’t sound so simple to you?”

Y/N laughs once. “Oh, it’s going to be a piece of cake. Come on, let’s sprint over before we get shot to bits.”

Bucky gives them a count to three and then they take off running. He provides as much cover fire as he can while they hurl themselves towards the door of the warehouse, but it’s not like his efforts do a whole lot. The HYDRA agents in the area have been converging on their location for some time now, and the firefight is going to happen regardless.

Through some dumb luck, Bucky manages to make it to the door of the warehouse unscathed. He blows through the lock with a bullet and kicks it open. Bucky falls across the threshold, pulling Y/N through and slamming the door shut behind him. He almost thinks that they were able to make the trip without getting shot when he looks over and sees Y/N clutching a hand over her collarbone.

Instantly, his heart drops. Mission forgotten, Bucky rushes over to her.

“What is it?” He asks, terrified, “What happened?”

Despite her obvious pain, Y/N spares Bucky the time for a sarcastic look. “I got shot, what else?”

Bucky grimaces. “Yeah, I can see that. Let me get a look at it, I need to make sure you’re not going to die on me.”

“It would ruin the charming atmosphere of this place, wouldn’t it?” Y/N quips, but moves her hands aside and lets Bucky drift closer anyway.

There’s a lot of blood, that much is obvious, but when Bucky tries to look closer Y/N steps away again.

“I’ll be fine,” she says, hand already drifting up to cover the wound again.

Bucky shakes his head. “Clearly you won’t. You’re losing blood too quickly. Come on, let me bandage it. You can’t finish the mission in this state and you know it.”

Y/N looks like she wants to run. “I’ll be fine,” she repeats.

“Do you really trust me so little that you’d rather bleed out than accept my help?” Bucky breathes.

Y/N stares at him a second longer, then sighs and looks away. “Fine. Just don’t–”

She cuts herself off, leaving Bucky wondering what on earth she’s talking about. He doesn’t have much time for questioning, however, as every moment that he wastes is one in which Y/N loses even more precious blood than before. 

He moves quickly, grabbing bandages from a kit in his bag and rushing towards her.The neck of her shirt tears easily, and Bucky is able to patch her up as best he can. He’s about to make some stupid comment about how that wasn’t so hard when he sees it.

Y/N’s soulmate mark is just visible with the blood cleaned away from it. Even without reading the words, Bucky would recognize the handwriting in an instant. He’s always wondered what it would be like, if you could really know your own script if you saw it inked into someone’s skin, but now Bucky can answer that question definitively. Somehow, Bucky knows it in his gut. That’s his writing, and that’s his regret spelled out into Y/N’s skin.

I will never know if I have stopped being the Winter Soldier.

It could never be anyone but him. He wonders what that would have been like, to be born with that sentence on your body, to go about your life with the name of a killer inscribed in your own flesh. Y/N has been marked for death from the very moment she was alive, all because she had the misfortune of being tied to him. 

All of a sudden, everything makes sense. Y/N’s regret, the one written over his own heart. Opening the door. She opened the door from her old life to let in that superior agent who turned her into a killer, didn’t she? Bucky should have seen it coming. His gaze slowly raises to meet Y/N’s, who looks at him wearily. 

Bucky breathes out slowly. “You’ve known all this time, haven’t you?”

Of course she had. How could she not? Y/N would have learned about the Winter Soldier the second he started showing his face again. She has always known the truth, and she has never told him.

Y/N tenses. “You weren’t ready to know. I wasn’t ready to tell you. You had to figure out who you wanted to be before you started thinking about trying to make a soulmate happy. I didn’t think I deserved to mess up someone else’s life after all the mistakes I’ve made.”

Bucky nods slowly. “Would you have told me eventually?”

“I hope,” Y/N whispers.

She seems to expect him to get mad, but for some reason Bucky just understands. Their entire lives have been bad choices, one after another. Telling him that she was his soulmate would have been a consequence so massive it would impact them for the rest of their lives. It is no surprise that she would have held back.

“I’m just happy to have you now,” Bucky tells her. “Truly, I am. I just want you. Regardless of when we started, we get to finish like this. It all ends the same.”

Y/N’s eyes shine. “You mean it?”

“Of course I do,” Bucky assures her, “I always will. We might want to discuss this after the mission, though.”

Y/N laughs, a true laugh. He hasn’t heard such relieved joy from her in some time, and it delights him like nothing else. “I think that sounds good to me.”

It’s good to him, too. It’s all good.

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