#this post has massive adhd energy and I'm here for it

[pixiemage]

I deal with ADHD on a daily basis, meaning I struggle with multiple (frustrating) things. There's one in particular that's been on my mind the most as of late: it's difficult for me to complete large tasks easily. For me, motivation, mental energy, and time are limited, and those rare moments where it all lines up so I can get shit done are often few and far between. This applies to both things I don't want to do, and things I do want to do. Even writing or cosplay construction or editing videos can become daunting tasks even though they're all fun and enjoyable hobbies of mine.

Recently, I've been trying to clean my room.

As anyone in my immediate family can tell you, this has been a big problem since I was young. My room starts clean, but then I put a few pairs of shoes by my bed, then don't have the energy to deal with the growing laundry pile, then can't find a place for the new mic stand I got for my birthday, then I start dumping jewelry on my bedside table at the end of the day when I'm tired, then - then - then. And then it builds to a disastrous tipping point and it has become this massive, incomprehensible task I have to tackle, and because my brain hates me, it's a frustrating and grueling process to even figure out where to begin.

But deadlines help (pressure helps) and I have found that working on it in the wee hours of the morning (from midnight to like 5am) is somehow a way to get my brain to focus on it. For some reason I work better then. Arguably, this isn't logical or useful every day because I need sleep and I have work, but I made MASSIVE progress two days ago by staying up way too late on a night when I finally found the drive to get shit done.

That's not really the point of this post though.

The point is that I've found that a majority of society (or maybe just the NT community in general) have a hard time seeing progress as worthwhile when completion is better.

"Did you finish your room?" "Not yet, but I dealt with that massive pile of crap on my couch! It's SO much better, and I can actually see the floor in front of my dresser now, and-" "That's not what I asked. Did you finish?" "Not yet." "The answer is no, then."

It doesn't matter how much I've done. It doesn't matter how proud I am of my partial progress. It doesn't matter that I fought tooth and nail to get to the point I'm at, because unfortunately, I haven't finished it all yet, so it's not good enough.

(And I know I have a deadline, and I know we have family coming over soon, and I know that being done is the goal, but the deadline isn't here yet. Give me time. I need time.)

I think we as a society need to award and praise ourselves more for the efforts we put in, whether we reached a finish line or not. I'm not saying we shouldn't strive for completion, because at the end of the day that's often the goal of any task. But we should also let ourselves be proud of how far we have come as long as we're doing our best. I don't see that often enough. I continuously struggle to reach that finish line, but hey, I came this far today! I didn't reach Toad so he could tell me my princess was in another castle (because god knows there's always another task), but I did hit that checkpoint, and since I've been struggling through this level for as long as I have, that's still worth celebrating in some small way. It's still worth all the coins I collected and the goons I defeated to get to this point.

Don't reprimand your kids because their hard work thus far doesn't quite live up to your standards. Applaud what they've done and then help them find the right next step so they're motivated to keep going.

It takes a lot of work to save a princess. The journey has a lot more monsters than just the dragon.

[forgottenluck]

Headed Towards 2024!

2023 in Retrospect

2023 has been.....a year. There were a lot of changes for me this year, and though not a lot with Koun changed, a lot happened irl. I didn't talk about a lot of it, though I did mention a few things here and there when I had enough energy to be online.

It's been....hectic.

A lot of life changes have happened; Being kicked out of our apartment due to a shitty landlord, my mother having a bunch of medical changes...then moving into a nursing home, Me finally being out on my own and no longer tied down by her.....I've gotten a promotion at work, finally able to make a difference there enough for even my DM to notice me.

Things are still rocky. I'm still finding my footing, working to figure out ways to boost my income since i no longer have to be wary of that. It's a lot. A lot to take in, a lot to adjust too.

Those who helped me keep going

I know that I was absent quite a bit...more so than I normally am on here. But there's been a few people who have really helped me keep going, helped me to want to be on here, helped me when things were dark. People who have stuck with me despite me vanishing from time to time because my energy to write comes and goes as my ADHD hits me with new hyperfocuses. Below are the people who have continued to check up on me, offer support when I needed it, and all around been very active with me OOC and IC.

@bishonenprince - You are seriously a light that I'm not sure I would be the same without. I know we just met this year, but I already consider you one of my closest friends on tumblr. You've managed to stick with me, despite me going dark a few times, been understanding to it. Our muses have such an interesting dynamic, and I can't wait to see how it grows. They'll likely still have their fights, still have bumps....that's just who they are. But Sora can't shake Koun, just like it'll be massively difficult for you to shake me.

@ofstarsandskies - Kika you lovable dork, You've been there in the background, liking posts, and we've spoken OOC quite often. I absolutely love how you and your muses are so supportive, and it means an absolute bunch to me that you've stuck around despite Koun being an absolute dick at times. I absolutely look forward to the new year, and possibly a new Koun for the brothers to interact with. He's softening...definitely.

@pastelfates - Verius my love, you've stuck with me for so long now, I don't exactly know what to do without you. This year was hard on me, and some of the things you did to help me, and cheer me up mean the world to me. I can't explain how much these things helped me, boosted my mood when I was in really dark places. I know you probably thought they were very little things....but to me, they meant the world. Eventually I'll figure out a way to repay you for all you've done for me....eventually.

@morifactory - In the same vein as Verius, Lena you've really been there in the background, silently supporting me. Earlier this year was...hectic. In all the wrong ways, and I'm glad that we've managed to go past it. I do plan on attempting to rp with more of your characters, (you just have so many I don't know where to start aaaaaaaaaAAAAA) but I look forward to this new year with you, and know that if you ever need anything, you can always count on me.

@loversquiver - Yukari my dear, though you aren't on tumblr much anymore, we definitely continue stuff OOC on discord. You're constantly checking in on me, making sure I'm okay. This means so much to me, and I really can't wait to see what the new year brings for these two dorks!

@taleswritten - Jay, I know we don't write nearly as much, but what we do, I absolutely love. I love that we communicate OOC, and you haven't been run off by my open-ness. This coming year I am gonna try to reach out to people more, you included, but I loved meeting you this year.

The people above are those who have stood out to me, made continous efforts, or have been with me for a long time. They mean a lot to me, and I can't wait to continue our stories together.

New friends that I've made just this year and can't wait to make more memories together!: @sootbled/@sootborn, @ama-tcra-su, @bonescribes, @thalassancharm, @talesofourworlds, @hxroic-wxlls

Good friends that I love to see on my dash! We might not have interacted much this year but hopefully next year! @juwul, @alm1ghtysea, @serenitasmusas, @miraiconnection, @ad-simul

If you're not on the list above, please don't fret. I likely just missed you! I do interact with a decent amount of people, and if we haven't interacted in a while, then it's likely i missed you. I appreciate every single one of my followers, and those who interact with me!

Moving into 2024

My plans for this next year....are a lot. For this blog, for tumblr in general, for my life.

This blog won't change much. I do want to reach out to more people, write more in general. I enjoy writing, I do! I just have to take breaks every few months to recharge so that I don't completely get burnt out on it. Koun is my second longest character to stay with me (the first is Erika for those of you who remember the cute little cupcake.). I do want to write more in general. Interact with more people, Help Koun grow more.

For tumblr in general, I do plan on reopening a multimuse sideblog. Well...a few, tbh. One of them is still in the works, but @zcrosht is almost fully functional. I need to get a few more icons made, and some graphics done (if anyone's willing to help me out on graphics that'd be lovely.) and the Rules/bios up, but It's ready to rp with! It'll be my first time rping Canon characters, so it'll be interesting.

For my life goals....I want to get a bit more financially stable. I'm going from only spending 250 a month on rent to 450-500, and despite the promotion it's still a bit difficult. I'll need to figure out how to boost that up without finding a new job (because I like my job now and I need to get supervisor experience so when I do go into a new job i can go in as a supervisor to get more money than grunt work.). It's going to be a learning curve....but I think I can handle it. I've made it this far.....I can keep going. I also plan on changing my diet and working to get a bit fitter.....I'm too close to 200lbs and I don't like it. (I look tiny though I do not know where all this weight is how the hell does this work--). I also need to go to the doctor for some health related issues that I need to get addressed. (mainly sleep and possibly ADHD meds....who knows.)

In general....I'm the happiest I've been in years. I'm the calmest I've been in years. The changes that happened in 2023...I think were for the better. Once I get all the kinks figured out.....I'll be good. It's a new chapter, and i think....I think it's a good one.

[justanothercommonera]

I'm constantly terrified that I was somehow misdiagnosed and I don't ACTUALLY have ADHD, and for a long time I was so scared of this, that I avoided taking my meds (It wasn't hard since I'd simply forget them the moment they were out of sight).

A few weeks ago my family started helping me make sure I took my meds.

Today, after weeks, I didn't.

Here are my observations:

I've tried several times today to get a drink, only to get distracted and forget to get a drink.

I realized I haven't had to ask "Did I eat?" in weeks.

Trying to keep my thoughts organized has been impossible today. It's odd, because the chaos is familiar, but I didn't really realize it was gone until it came back.

I've been trying to type this post out through 7 songs, because I keep getting distracted, or I keep rewriting it. I know it's 7 songs, because I stopped to check the music history, because it felt very urgent that I know how long I've been doing this, and then I had to stop to figure out how much time 7 songs is. (About 21 minutes for those curious. Although longer now, as the 8th song has come on)

I've got several snacks in my room, because I kept getting up to get snacks then would forget I was hungry and do something else.

I wanted to clean. Something I've been having no issues with the past few weeks. I got a bag, noticed it had a massive hole, felt utterly drained of energy, and then sat down and started reflecting on how I feel on meds vs off them

This has been a massive eye opening experience for me. My family mentioned they noticed a difference, but it feels different to see it for myself.

(Took 9 songs, or 32 minutes, to type out completely)

[hxhhasmysoul]

Hi..... Can I ask your top 5 (or top 3) favorite characters from JJK? And why you loved them? And your top 5 favorite moments from the series (until now)? Thanks....

Characters:

Itadori Yuuji

I like to quote this post by @/lets-curse-each-other a like the starter explanation to why Yuuji is an absolute masterpiece as a character and also the best boi. This post not only shows the peak of the iceberg that is Yuuji's personality but it only hints who much attention Gege gives to his characterisation.

I also love Yuuji because he's written in quite a unique way for a protagonist of a shounen manga, ie. more like a shoujo manga protagonist, and I wrote more about that here. His character journey is absolutely stunning, at every point his teenage beliefs that he developed to deal with his loneliness and the loss he has suffered, get questioned, rhetorically and generally attacked. He constantly needs to deal with his worldview and coping mechanisms being shuttered. And he still manages to be caring, to retain so much of himself.

And lastly I like his character design, it works really well both when he's really cute and when he's taken to his limits.

Kenjaku

They are the absolute fucking worst. They are an amazing plotter, like on a reread it's absolutely stunning how well their plans are prepared, how we see them perfect said plans. I have massive, massive respect for Kenjaku as a villain. They are such a manipulative lair. During my first reread I started compiling a file with all their scenes where I wrote whether I thought that they were lying in that scene and how because my ADHD wouldn't let me sleep, I kept thinking about them.

I love their mad scientist vibes, it's so sad no one wants to listen to them explaining their evil plans, and no one wants to nerd out with them about cursed energy (I'm looking here at you Tengen and Sukuna). Though to be fair, they kill the person who'd've likely been the most into such nerdy conversations, namely Yuki.

Of course it matters to me that they're Yuuji's mum. That makes their character even more juicy and horrible. Their whole twisted connection to motherhood is chefs kiss.

Nobara and Hana

I'm putting them both here together, despite them never meeting in the manga, because for me they both embody the awkwardness of being a teenage girl just on the opposite sides of the spectrum. There is a lot of societal stigma put onto teenage girls. Starting from how they should be.

Nobara is trying to define womanhood for herself while also clearly not being versed in issues of modern feminism. it feels very fitting for a girl her age. Some of the things she likes that are appropriate for girls from the society's point of view and some that are not so much, so she lands at girlboss feminism.

I also love that her reason for joining the Tokyo school is very much not jujutsu oriented. She's not there because of the politics of the clans like some many other students, or because it was join or die.

I hope that Nobara returns, though I'd be also okay with Gege just letting me grieve her at this point.

Hana is trying to orient herself through a crush she has on a guy who saved her life long ago. A guy she doesn't really know but she has created an image of in her head, it's a purely parasocial relationship so many teen girls have. Now I think Hana will be on her journey to reorient herself, build her self image outside of Megumi.

I low key hope that Yuuji will pop Angel's soul out of Hana and set her free, Hana not Angel, that 1000yo selfish sorcerer should join her ilk in the dumpster of history where they are all hopefully headed.

Yorozu

She's a rabid Sukuna simp so like mega relatable ;) But more seriously I love her powers, how much thought she put into them. She's an amazing jujutsu nerd, another friend Kenjaku could've had if they put her in a different body, one Sukuna wouldn't want to kill.

I love her creepy wedding plans but most of all I love that she's pursuing Sukuna for status. The things she wants of him are so appropriate for a Heian woman to want. It's a really cool bit. And she has the classic het relationship energy of "I can fix him". That's why you don't indulge in heterosexuality, kids.

I wish she actually joined the villain cast and remained there longer, she had amazing energy.

Sukuna

Another jujutsu nerd, but he's like embarrassed of it or something because he pretends he's not one. He's very above that nerd shit but also that's how he is the strongest and how he wins fights. He's amazingly not self aware. It's the same with his being so detached when he's very clearly capable of having really healthy relationships with others like he has with Uraume. He just chooses not to. He does have a bit of an edgy teen vibe which is funny in a 1000yo guy. Maybe that's why he's so irked by Yuuji. ;)

I absolutely love how he fights. He puts on a feral demeanor but underneath he's full on analysis and calculation.

He also makes the second best faces in the manga second only to Yuuji.

And his original form is very scrumptious, very thirst-inducing.

[chipped-chimera]

Thought I'd do a little bit of a personal update! I'm doing the reorganising thing which is still slow but really motivating - enough that I'm having good energy days where I'm getting more done! I should be able to start work on the new fish tank soon!

More commentary/thoughts/where I'm going creatively below the cut. (It might be a bit heavy, you've been warned - check tags for more info)

EDIT: Fixed Tumblr borking this, now looks like how this WAS SUPPOSED TO oof

So I'm in the process of redoing my entire office just to fit this fish thank (which has now been leak tested so we're good to go), as well as reorganising based on tips I picked up from this book for people with ADHD that I've found massively helpful. Honestly it's been great for helping me just THROW SHIT OUT because while I can have my moments of ruthless detachment and clear inventory my family is very much a 'use/reuse/reappropriate' kind of deal, which while great often gives me hesitation throwing stuff out primarily because of that pressure - especially when I'm stuck living with them. Now I know it's necessary to get everything to a state where it will STAY organised.

It's also let me take inventory of the stupid amount of traditional media art supplies which have been sitting there since high school in near pristine unused condition (we are talking a LOT of very useable acrylic paints here) and get them all organised. After chatting with my psychologist yesterday I've bought more/replacements for things I had to throw out (literally dry as a bone markers) as she literally said she 'very much encouraged' my idea of starting a visual art diary to help process emotions and stuff.

I know over the years my inspiration to do stuff has withered, usually because it's been hammered by bad moods (caused primarily by external forces I could not control on top of my already battered neurology). I know now because of shit in my past that has been largely unresolved, art has never been an outlet for emotions for me because I'm so afraid of taking up space. Despite emotions being a powerful source for art, I rarely draw on them both because I have spent so much time trying not to feel them or hiding them because unfortunately my history is one of a lot of rejection, right down to a very young age where my caregivers should have been way more on the ball. It's helped me acknowledge my way of expressing love and affection is kind of fucked - when I feel close to someone or like them a lot it has the opposite effect where I instinctively want to pull away from them because I'm scared I'm going to 'ruin it', like my life is tainted and by associating with them I'll drag them down somehow. I know it's silly but it's very hard to get past because it's automatic - that was the only way I was guarenteed to get affection, if I was the most borin, biddable, palatable child in existence who caused no problems, even if it meant enduring physical and emotional pain alone. I inherently find it hard to trust people being genuine about liking me as a person because I'm just waiting for the shoe to drop when they realise I'm too much hassle - which unfortunately was the circumstance my relationship ended around so yeah, that did not fucking help. Basically I go from being really comfortable around someone to masking intensely and yeah that is NOT GOOD. I also legit feel the reason I have alexytheimia is because I had to develop a buffer so early in my life just to survive as far as I have.

I'm hoping art journalling will help me process some of those thoughts and feelings and I still want to try and show them, just to show myself they DO have value, they are a valid part of the human experience and they should be allowed to take up space - I do not need to hide them away or cut pieces of myself out to become more 'palateable' to people. So yeah um, I guess there will be some vent art, I don't know if I'll post only to my art blog or here because it's more sketchy shit and I reserve the art blog for finished pieces now ... either way knowing me it's going to be highly metaphorical and symbolic so I don't know how 'triggering' it could be but either way I'll probably tag the absolute shit out of it just to make sure I don't adversely effect someone (yes I am aware of the irony in me saying that as it's basically me trying to 'not ruin' things again but even putting it out there at all is a big enough step - also tags are just basic decency).

So uh ... That's what I've been up to? Also why I've been kind of shit about WIP Wednesday tagging and responding to other tag games (which I am now once again remembering a bunch of that I STILL have sitting in my motifs cause I still wanna do them ; m ;) I think I tend to get something like reverse SAD this time of year, arguably for the same reasons SAD develops - it gets so damn hot that I have the curtains closed in my office (which has the biggest window in the house) all day to keep the heat out. So arguably I have just made 'tiny dark winter' for about two months because I ain't going outside when it's over 30C (aka the temp tomorrow. And the day after THAT. Fuck I hate summer). Just instead of dark and cold it's dark and sweaty - feeling clammy also being a sensory problem for me so all around BAD TIME until the season changes :/

Outside of all that I'm speculating writing a wlw romance in a western setting because I have had on off cowboy rot since forever and I should probably do something with that already. Currently speculative Native American love interest/secondary protagonist with a background that probably touches on maybe the boarding schools and then reconnection with culture. We've had similar stories with our indigenous population in Australia unfortunately (colonialism is a plague) so I can sort of have some understanding but I probably need to hit the books on that one. For any Americans/Canadians reading this if you know some good books, PLEASE send me your references, I really want to make sure I do this right. I reblogged a post a few days ago about how Native Americans are often dehumanised in westerns and they just become part of the landscape, and I really want to push against that. Also do some contrasting against how oppressive western colonial era culture was by comparison to native culture honestly because I feel that would be a really interesting dynamic. Idk when/if stuff with this project will start happening but we'll see.

If you read this far, thanks! It's pretty validating to know people care this much, since it's hard for me to believe people do care a lot of the time because of all the above bullshit. So just so you know, I love you guys 💖 and you get a bonus cat:

Tiny p.s. living with my parents now is very different from when I was a child, I know the people who caused me hurt are long, long gone. They are not the same people anymore - so I am okay! It's still frustrating but more for the reasons of wishing I had my own (bigger) space to live in and put all my stuff and just 'I am a 30 year old extremely supressed lesbian speed running puberty and this environment is not conducive to exploring that' if anything. While I'm out with my Mum I can't like ... talk about that shit lol. So yeah, frustrating but for entirely different reasons. Just clearing that up.

[rmhashauthor]

hello hello! how is your latest writing WIP coming along? Are there any particular scenes you're really looking forward to writing? Any characters you've fallen in love with more than you anticipated? (this is a friendly excuse to talk about your story and characters!)

Oh boy... You've opened the floodgates, my friend.

The Dragon Prince's Consort is going well, I'm several chapters ahead of the posting schedule but I am having to acknowledge the fact that I've been on a little bit of a dry spell because of starting a new job. It's one of those that needs a lot of brainpower in the beginning because I'm still training, and I'm the kind of person who stresses out if things aren't just *PERFECT* so the period between "I'm new so no one expects me to know anything yet" and "I've been here long enough to know what I'm doing" is my least-favorite part of starting a new job. Some days I come home with half a brain cell and just enough energy left to eat a handful of shredded cheese and go to sleep. Damn you, capitalism! Let me write!!

But enough of that.

At the moment TDPC is hovering just under 160 reads on Wattpad, which is fine because a lot of people who follow me wait until I'm done writing to binge. STARFISH was like that, once I let everyone know it was DONE done I started getting weekend warriors who would mainline the whole thing in a couple of days and flood my inbox with screaming emojis. Someone is doing that right now and it's always a delight.

Anyway, TDPC is all plotted out and has been for a while now, so the task is to finish writing the damn thing. And like most ADHD people I already have another story lined up that I'm working on an outline for and may or may not have started drafting the first chapter 😉 I like to take little breaks from one story and work on something else to keep things fresh and interesting, otherwise it's like eating pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner - pizza is great, I love pizza, but by Day 2 I'll gnaw off my own legs for a salad or some soup.

This new one I'm excited about because I've never written a true Villain before. Well, he's not really a villain, per se, more like a "fuck you, fuck your rules, I do what I want" type of guy. I figured if I've written two stories with cinnamon-roll male leads it's time for someone who's more a walking middle finger to society and laws in general. While he's not a mass-murderer or anything, this guy definitely has blood on his hands and isn't the easiest to live with, as the heroine will find out once she's conscious again. I figure most people love a Bad Boy who is a Good Man, so I'm going to see what I can do with that.

Now for his foil, boy is SHE a mess. Look, someone is going to take one look at this sorry thing and yell BOO MARY SUE but frankly I don't care. There's a point to making her such a sad sack and it won't become clear until her bastardization arc kicks in. Plus, I figure if she has a history of making terrible decisions when it comes to men then having her do a little more of the same is in-character for her. Except maybe this time it's different because she's trying NOT to be such a good girl, maybe this time she won't be so naive and her newfound cynicism might prove useful.

The whole story has a Heavy Metal (of which I am a MASSIVE fan) vibe to it, it's a lot grittier than my last two and that's on purpose. I've been listening to a lot of psychedelic doom metal (more than usual) to get my head in the right space for it, which has been interesting. It's not going to be a pretty story, full of flowers and sparkles and happy, because at this point in the universe in my head all the shiny has worn off the concept of First Contact and now we have to deal with the realities of life in space among half a dozen other species, all with their own goals, fears and issues. I've decided to leave my comfort zone of writing cute stories about sweet people and instead do something that I think a lot of people are going to see as dark and even problematic - some themes are not going to be easy to digest, even for someone like me who's lived a relatively easy life, but I hope that I can do some justice to it by 1, talking about it and thus making it less taboo, and 2, doing what I usually do which is make the plot as important as the sexy bits.

However, I do have some hard rules I DON'T break while writing, and there are a few things I will NOT use as plot devices or tropes - I don't write about SA, I won't write an abusive relationship, and I don't do age gaps where one person is underage. I may go right up to the line and stare at it, but not only am I not comfortable writing those I don't want to drive readers off. I'm grey about "trigger warnings" in that I think people should be prepared to run into things that may upset them in fiction, film and art because that's the whole point, but I also believe in self-censorship and letting people decide for themselves to put down something I or another creator has made. It's only fair to give readers an out when things get too hairy, I've put down a LOT of books because the author decided that dubcon was okay when it wasn't, or because their male MC was just an insufferable ass with Alpha Male syndrome (yuck). Hell, I've lost interest in entire SERIES because I've seen tropes get subverted and then the author goes back on the old trope, completely derailing and destroying what could have been a WONDERFUL twist because they didn't commit to getting weird with it. Like my late father always said, "If you're gonna be a bear, be a Grizzly." At the very least, be a Grizzly in a funny hat.

Scenes I'm really looking forward to include Captain PTSD's "aren't you tired of being good?" speech, Miss Sad Sack discovering his "Daddy Mode" and being UNCOMFORTABLY turned on by it, a recurring bit where she has to sit in his lap for business reasons and it is excruciatingly embarrassing how much she comes to like it, an incident where wounds are literally licked in super-inappropriate places, a plethora of R-rated one-liners, and a frankly STUPID amount of sexual tension between two idiots who know EXACTLY what needs to happen, but pride, stubbornness and personal convictions keep it from happening (just... SO MUCH TENSION). A lot of really bad decisions will be made and people are gonna get hurt, but I'm hoping by the end what looks like the beginning of a Very Bad Situation will turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to both of them. I'm also looking forward to playing with more Daddy-dom scenarios that AREN'T borderline abusive, the concept of "you cannot legislate morality", a new alien species with some WEIRD behavioral quirks, and ☆*KNOTTING*☆ Yaaaay!

If you're gonna be a bear, be a Space-Grizzly with a wizard hat and a tricycle made of napalm and glitter.

[ghostonly]

FTM Top Surgery Q&A Announcement

- For Larger Lads, Disabled Lads, Lads with Ehlers Danlos, and Lads with ADHD -

Hiya! I'm going to be having double-incision top surgery on the 27th of April and, being that most top surgery Q&As and information online seems to cater mostly to smaller and more abled mascs, I feel like I'm in a uniquely important position to be able to share information for those of us who don't get our questions answered as easily.

Things About Me That Will Impact My Surgery and Recovery:

I'm a large guy (about 260lb) with a big chest - For Now >:)

I'm disabled, which, relevant to healing and recovery, means:

I have very limited energy and am fatigued very easily

I have undiagnosed EDS or an adjacent disorder which means my skin acts weird, heals weird, and is really sensitive and weak

It also means my joints don't stay in place the way they should, which leads to constant pain (in one area or another), inflammation, and partial dislocations many times per day

I have POTS, which, in simple terms, means changing position in certain ways has a massive impact on my heart rate

I have a lot of muscle soreness all the time for unknown reasons (might be Fibromyalgia, but I'm not sure and not diagnosed with anything yet)

I have IBS and a number of food intolerances which means antibiotics will impact my already touchy diet

I've got moderate persistent asthma which can be triggered by what position I'm lying in

I have ADHD, which will impact my recovery due to executive function issues, difficulty with falling asleep, etc.

I have roommates, but will be attempting to handle the bulk of my recovery by myself, as I'm not super close with any of them

I'm poor, so how I approach recovery will be very money-conscious (I'm not going to be ordering food every day, unfortunately 😔)

Q&A Series Installments

Because I'm in a position to be able to provide much needed insight into the experience of having top surgery for those with similar disabilities or weight, I plan to put together an extensive Q&A series.

The series will include these general timeline installments:

Operation day process and experience

1, 2, 4, and 6 Week post-op recovery progress and results (with photos)

3, 6, 9, and 12 month recovery progress and results (with photos)

As well as these more specific installments, which I'll post when convenient in the first couple of months after surgery:

Advice for handling recovery with ADHD/executive dysfunction

Pre-op environment preparation for disabled people - post-op wisdom and hindsight included

Post-op comfort and positioning advice for people with joint and/or pain issues

Incision and scar care for people with sensitive skin and/or EDS

Final Q&A

All of the installments will include relevant submitted questions and answers.

Any questions that were sent after the installment they would have fit into, or those that are more miscellaneous, will be posted and answered in the Final Q&A installment

If you could benefit from this Q&A, whether you share my disabilities or not, please send me questions!

Askers do not need to be disabled or fit into all of the categories I listed myself in. Even if you're skinny and abled, if you have questions about top surgery and recovery and this is the opportunity you needed to ask them, please do!

All questions asked will be saved until the installment relevant to them, then quoted and tagged. Anons are welcome.

Q&A Question Rules & Guidelines

Asking people to send me questions would turn into a nightmare without some boundaries, so here are some general rules and guidelines for sending in questions:

Do not ask for nude Before pictures. In fact, this one is so much of an obvious No that, if you do, you will be blocked. I will post a before with a shirt on in my progress installments.

Do not ask basic questions that can be answered with a 2-minute search. (e.g. "What is double-incision?" If your question is more specific or experience-based, I'll treat it in good faith (e.g. "How do I know if double-incision is right for me?" or, "How do you find a doctor who does double-incision?") Both of these could probably be answered with a search but aren't as simple and allow me to actually give my input rather than state a definition.

Keep sexual questions respectful and appropriate. I'm not completely against questions about sex if it is related to how top surgery affects things, but they need to be respectful and it should be clear you're not trolling in some way. Sexual questions will only be accepted off anon, but you can request to remain anonymous and I won't put your name in the post.

Refrain from asking anything related to law or medical practices. I don't have a list of resources to offer and I know there are others out there who do. I don't want to send anyone in the direction of outdated or unreliable information. If you want to know about my own experiences with insurance, qualifying, and getting my appointment, DM me or send me an ask off anon so that I can reply privately and see who's asking. I won't give specifics about my location and doctors in an open post.

I look forward to writing all of this up and, the more asks I get, the more robust the series will be! So send in your questions.

I'll tag each installment as #ghostsurgeryseries, so you can follow that tag if you don't want to miss any, or follow me. This blog is only original posts or reblogs where I add a substantial response, so it's low output and mostly unrelated to fandom (I have a couple ofmd posts but otherwise it's mostly about disability, adhd, and miscellaneous stuff)

Thanks for reading!

[sirfrogsworth]

I don't want to single anyone out and get into a whole thing because I don't have the energy for that, but I saw someone on my Star Trek: Lower Decks post who was angry about me saying Trek has always been progressive. They felt Discovery wasn't progressive because Pike was healthy and that didn't give representation for disabled people.

As a disabled person who occasionally needs walking assistance and in the future, probably a wheelchair... I have no interest in having a beeping trash can represent me.

Plus, this is a prequel and his injuries haven't happened yet.

Plus plus, they have shown that future is still in store for him. Though I really hope they don't do the beeping trash can and write something a little less silly. We already have tech that lets people type with their eyes.

Beyond that, I do think there is still disability representation on Discovery. The helmsperson, Detmer, had to have implants (aka assistive tech/prosthetics) after the first episode's big battle.

There is also the cyborg Airiam who was injured and had to delete memories to save storage space.

That actually represented me personally because it reminded me of when I did ECT for my depression. Though I didn't get to choose which memories I lost.

I also think they had some representation for neurodivergence. Tilly has ADHD. And Stamets is on the spectrum.

I think Hugh and Ash both have PTSD.

There are always things that TV shows can do better. And representation is not always perfect. But I feel like Disco is far ahead of a lot of other shows. I can't think of too many mainstream shows that have a nonbinary character.

I also think it is difficult portraying disability in a future with super advanced medical technology. It is my personal hope that in a few hundred years far fewer people have to live a life like mine.

They also seemed upset that Discovery killed off a Chinese character. I think they mean Captain Georgiou, who was Malaysian (as is Michelle Yeoh). I guess they meant Chinese descent?

The thing is, I don't think BiPOC and LGBTQ+ characters should be immortal and never ever die. And please feel free to correct me if I'm offbase here, but I always thought the issue was their deaths were often meaningless or used for easy drama points. Just a plot device that is often forgotten in the next episode. But Georgiou's death was felt by all, never forgotten, and certainly didn't seem like a cheap death meant for a quick tug on the emotions.

And if lack of representation was the issue, Michelle soon got to portray an even more interesting character for several seasons. From her interviews, it seems like she really enjoys playing mirror Georgiou quite a bit. And I think they are working on a Section 31 show with her as the lead character. (It might be delayed like a lot of things right now.)

I'm not saying it isn't worthy of discussion. Critique is important. But I don't think two *possible* mistakes make the show non-progressive. It just didn't seem like a fair or accurate analysis to me. I guess I just didn't quite understand the anger directed toward my words.

I still think Star Trek has always been progressive. Granted, with some lag. And they certainly haven't always done things perfectly. TNG had a massive problem writing women characters. I think DS9 fumbled a bit when trying to deal with religious topics. And there was that episode with Femme Quark—just yikes.

I am by no means making excuses for some massive errors in judgment. That stuff should be called out for sure.

But expecting perfection is a bar no one could ever reach.

Especially when this kind of perfection can't even be defined.

In the end, I do think the intent to push progressive values has always been a part of Trek. And given the timeframes that each Star Trek series was filmed in, most of them were ahead of other television taking place at the same time.

[crashcitycentral]

Bart has DID theory

Aha this is a long one... Adding onto my post a little bit ago cause I was on the train and didn't have enough rant energy-

Bart has eidetic memory, or Hyperthymesia, or photographic memory, whatever works for you. He remembers everything he's ever read, seen, or heard, but in some of the comic strips, it's him being confused about a certain series or event that happened, like he didn't recall it almost, which is almost impossible due to his advanced memory. One of the most common symptoms of Dissociative Identity Disorder is memory gaps when in a different personality. You have no idea how excited I am about this cause I have DID and positive representation, yes please. When I find the comic strips I'm talking about I'll repost and add them in but I'm on a rampage rn. Not even sorry.

Bart is known to have mood swings throughout the entire Impulse series, where he gets grumpy or pouty, things like that, but that childish nature could actually be a personality. He could feel robbed of his childhood since he couldn't "live it" due to his situation growing up, so he creates an entire persona to live like a child in his teenage body. Everyone always brushes it off to him being "a speedster", and the fact that he is ALSO supposed to represent a character with Autism and his ADHD plus ADD, it all kinda adds up, because he switches into this person sometimes that's sarcastic and has a more bleak outlook. He still is always there for his friends, even if they underappreciate the HECK out of him, but it wouldn't make sense in the sense that he's silly only because of his Hyper-changing Autism. AUTISM ISN'T A PERSONALITY PEOPLE. Honestly? The excuse that it's because he's a speedster doesn't add up either. Being a speedster can make him bored easily and he has a hyperglycemia diet where he has to eat full meals every two hours, but it doesn't explain why he so suddenly shifts into entirely new moods. being moody is one thing, but being Bart is a whole new can of worm on strings.

I think one of the biggest things to show this is when Jerico shot his knee using the body of Deathstroke. Before the incident, he never wanted to take up Wally's mantle because he thought it was disrespectful and he didn't deserve it, but after he was shot he took no hesitation in taking up the suit. That entire comic screwed me over because: 1, no one touches my baby Bart. 2, everyone was so rude to him like 24/7?? To BART of all people. 3, that gunshot would've done a LOT more damage then what they diagnosed him. A SHOTGUN was TWO INCHES from his knee and blast him from that space and they gave him a prosthetic kneecap? Excuse me, there'd be nothing LEFT to ATTATCH IT TO, but that's a rant for another time. What I'm getting at here is he wanted to exact his revenge on Jerico, which is typical, I would too if someone capped my knee. But he read the ENTIRE SAN FRANSICO LIBRARY IN ONE SITTING!! Bart, who HATES sitting in one place reading anything that isn't a comic read an entire LIBARAY and not some normal one, this one was MASSIVE. He learned everything about the human nervous system and used it against Slade to his advantage, before it was revealed it was actually Jerico.

SO, he took on the Kid FLash mantle, something he said he wouldn't do. He read an entire library in one sitting, something he wouldn't noramlly do. He became incredibly serious about his mission, something he normally isn't. His kid Flash persona is not him. His trauma from the experience added with his stress must've forced a new one to form, since he already Had his "Impulse" persona it was easy.

Bart Allen has DID and no one can change my mind.

[bigskydreaming]

Once, you said you thought all tha batkids had a form of adhd in your opinion, so how do you think it is with every one of them Like, dick is probably an hiperactive one and tim seems to be de innantetive type, and idk damian must be hiperactive or the mix type one, idk with jason, do you think they have overloads or ??? Idk if i wrote everything right, i'm spanish so.. yeah...

You wrote everything just fine! Bilingual icon! We stan!

Tbh, I generally project various aspects of my own ADHD onto various different Batkids as a way of kinda….getting into each of their heads, in as much as its about reading those behaviors into their canon depictions. If that makes sense? So its not strictly about interpreting canon, when it comes to this, its a mix of that and just personal headcanons.

And just for general reference, whenever I use the term headcanon, personally, I use it to mean…..just how I like to imagine something about a character. It doesn’t mean there’s not canon out there that might contradict it, it means that for the sake of that particular headcanon, that’s not what I’m relying on or building off of.

So because ADHD contains a wide spectrum of behaviors and tendencies and symptoms, not all of which are present in every individual, there’s a lot that are ‘left out’ of my personal ADHD Batkids headcanons. So I mean, anyone who has different ADHD tendencies than I do myself is not necessarily going to agree with my takes or might perceive behaviors or mannerisms in the Batkids that I don’t myself.

Okay, so - 

Dick: Since its no secret that I relate to Dick the most and project onto him the most, he’s the ‘most like me’ in terms of ADHD behavior. He rambles, he bounces all over the place, he’s constantly in motion….when he has the freedom to be. That last part is critical because something a lot of people don’t consider about ADHD is that medication isn’t a universal experience. And so some people do manage to come up with various forms of personal behavior adjustments or coping strategies to manage their own symptoms without medication. Like for myself….my parents hated psychiatry, therapy, medication, etc. They didn’t want us going to anyone like that. 

So when I was growing up, medication literally wasn’t an option for me….but at the same time, they had massive expectations for me, academically, with piano, my sports, karate, etc….much like I view Dick having even just such expectations for himself due to wanting to impress Bruce, even if Bruce was trying not to be so overbearing about those things when Dick was younger. So in order to try and meet my parents’ high expectations, without medication or even an ADHD diagnosis when I was a kid….I had to find various strategies that worked for ME, to allow me to…circumvent, my more counter-productive tendencies. Some of them worked, some of them didn’t, and almost none of them were things that I consciously mapped out or thought about in those terms….because I wasn’t thinking about myself as someone who had ADHD, but rather someone who was lazy, inattentive, etc.

Basically, where I’m going with that is I do think Dick is very high energy and zigs and zags wildly in his thought processes, etc….which can make him highly intuitive, see connections that don’t occur to other people but just jump out to him, allow him to rally when he’s absolutely exhausted…BUT also have the downside of making him lose track of various things, have trouble sitting still even when stealth is a necessity, etc….things that as a vigilante and detective, he can’t AFFORD to let get in the way of his ‘duties.’ 

I do headcanon that he’s diagnosed and has medication to help with this….BUT he has his own….life adjustments that he’s calibrated over time to help with this as well. So for me, the times when he’s depicted as bouncing all over the place don’t contradict the times he’s shown able to be absolutely still and silent for the sake of a case, etc….because he’s found ways to compensate for his ADHD, with medication and even without it. For instance one thing that’s always been a huge help to me is exercise and physical activity. Even MORESO than medication at times, because I have a very fast metabolism and burn through most drugs very quickly. But for various reasons, my body and my ADHD are able to manufacture enough of what I need through various forms of exercise and physical activity that allow me to operate at my best. 

Like, when I can be, I’m a bit of a gym rat, which isn’t atypical for a Hollywood bi boy, lol, but it really has nothing to do with trying to stay in shape aesthetically. Okay not nothing, I mean, I AM a peacock, let’s be real, lmao. BUT. Its really more about me being my peak self, because exercising regularly, doing the physical activities I enjoy….they complement my meds and compensate for what my meds can’t, to allow me to kinda enjoy all the perks of my ADHD without suffering too many drawbacks from the downsides.

And so this is where I see Dick being very similar, and why he can encompass a wide range of behaviors and mannerisms…..his physical activity and athleticism. Its not about just training his body and keeping his body at peak performance, its about doing the same thing for his mind. 

BUT there are drawbacks here too…..because think about how in canon Dick doesn’t tend to do well with being injured or on bedrest….unable to be active, exercise, etc….its not just vanity or ego, its not just ADHD and wanting to be in motion….its also….without that constant consistent regimen of physical activity and exercise….his ADHD goes out of balance. His brain, his behavior, his moods aren’t ABLE to be at their best, even WITH medication. 

Like, for my own personal health reasons, I haven’t been physically able to exercise in a LONG time. And there’s a definite downside to that for me, even with me still on my meds…because my meds have ALWAYS been able to only do so much. So I’m more irritable and moody than I am when I’m able to exercise regularly, I’m more jittery and full of pent up energy with no way to vent it or release it when it builds up and starts to get overwhelming….basically I’m saying that lol, when you’re ADHD and you for various reasons have made your lifelong coping strategies contingent on your ability to stay physically active and fit….any situation that prevents you from doing your normal physical routines SUCKS. A LOT.

So, that to me is the biggest factor in my ADHD headcanons for Dick….not even the ADHD itself, but the way he’s built up strategies for coping with it even without meds (because I also headcanon he has a ridiculous metabolism, I mean look at him). And going hand in hand with that fact is that to various degrees I headcanon him as being somewhat DEPENDENT on his physical routines, his exercise, even his patrols, which have been a form of routine for him since he was a kid. So when those routines are disrupted, when he’s unable to go out in the field, or get out of bed….its not just about him WANTING to be out there because he’s restless, because he hates being sick or injured…its those things, sure, but its also about….his brain itself is out of whack as a consequence, he’s moody, he’s not as able to cope with his depression or PTSD symptoms or even just stress in general….

Like, to me, Dick isn’t a ‘bad patient’ or a pain when he’s sick or injured just to be contrary….he’s not in a rush to get back on his feet or back in the field because he’s too stubborn for his own good…its because he NEEDS to be. He doesn’t know how to be his best self without it.

(I’ll add onto this thread with reblogs for the other kids as I get time to add them in, since uh, this is a post unto itself. Oh how weird, I got carried away and said lots and lots just for one character OOOPS MUCH UNEXPECTED).

[oracleishdiviner]

Before you read the post, please pay special attention to the Trigger Warnings. If anything is uncomfortable, refer to my last post to know what's going on. Your health and wellness are the top priority here.

Tw for: mental illness, medical conditions, anxiety, panic attacks, therapy, psychotherapy, health conditions, burnout, depression, unhealthy family/situations, insomnia, suicidal thoughts, self-harm.

I want to start this post by saying that this one is very personal and out of my comfort zone. I'm a quite private person for how chatty and bubbly I can appear and discussing my feelings, putting myself out there like this, is -almost- a first. Please be kind and graceful while reading and interacting with those words that I'm about to write, and if you feel that you aren't matching the energies here, it's ok to unfollow, I won't question or be angry. We are here to learn and not all of our encounters will be teachers for life.

Another thing: I'm absolutely grateful for everyone's patience and willingness to wait and for the new followers too: I see you and I'm beyond happy you are here, welcome dear souls!

As I'm writing now It's more than 6 months since I entered therapy and almost 3 that I'm taking my antidepressants too. As you can probably have deducted I'm managing, finally, a depression that started a long time ago. The issues became so big that it has started to affect my everyday life in a way that was unbearable and that I felt just when I was a teen and a young woman when I was actively thinking of suicidal thoughts. As hard as it is for me to admit this and how much I was hiding my self-harm tendencies (that my therapist saw through in a blink of an eye, thankfully) it's even harder to say that all of this started in late February-mid March. I was actively doing reading and putting out my games but I was also forcing myself to have too much on my plate, both spiritually and in my everyday life. You see, I have Adhd and I don't have an official diagnosis (a medical one is needed in my country, to have school and work accommodations, I do have one but it's… A complicated story in itself) and many symptoms were matching with my brain messing my days up, but I did know that I was suffering from depression too. My fears became so huge that I wasn't even going out of my house and limiting myself in many things, plus my anxiety and panic attacks came back, quite rampant if I can say so, followed by a bad spiraling of my binging eating, making my health worse. My Tower moment was during a therapy session, in which, finally I gave up, sliding the mask of -everything is well- and baring my soul with my therapist. From there I found a wonderful psychiatrist that was able to help me manage my depression and ease some of the symptoms of my Adhd too. I don't have a specific Adhd medication going on but what I was prescribed has helped me massively.

How everything is connected with my humble blog and my dear community? My mental health impacted my spiritual health too. I've noticed that while I was pushing myself more and more, I was also slipping on my own path, losing focus and willingness to go on, often finding myself backing off my tarot and oracle cards and having smaller, fewer contacts with my spirituality too. I've almost contemplated closing the blog (I won't, don't panic, I won't!) and at a moment I've feared not being able anymore to read for myself and others. This lead to a forced stop while I was recovering and re-discovering myself, finding what was wrong and working on my many issues. I'm not in a healthy place, to begin with, my family is a peculiar one and I have to make do, with my career and growth, since I'm not able to move away (for now, watch it!) so I had to play a push-and-pull between finding the true myself and balancing the relationship with the people that I'm living with. It took time and took, most importantly, all of my energy, same as my therapy sessions, leaving me quite bare and unable to do very little. I had to re-think and re-wire my career too (Hi, I'm also an artist who loves digital art and maker art but want to learn to use more mediums, and a writer, starting back again just recently, who loves also to be a beta reader and creating fanfictions, the backbone of many writers, in my opinion) and this lead to reshape my spirituality once again (talking of Scorpios and shedding skins, uh… Yeah, my Scorpio stellium is laughing in the distance). I want to be honest with you: it was brutal but that's healing and I did know what I was signing for. I'm now better and in a much more stable condition, in which I can do little things again. I'm moving more slowly but at a steady and very secure pace, I will, first of all, rekindle my relationships with my decks and tools, with my spiritual group and deities and I'm planning to be more active here too.

I'm going to send out all of your readings and always be open for asks and questions, so don't be shy and ask away if you are curious about… Anything!

I hope this long essay had given you some clarity about me being Mia in those months. I'm really happy to be back my dears! Thank you again for staying here with me. Much love,

Lin.