#this song makes me want to lie on the floor and cry a little bit

[ellalalala]

When Hozier said "I haven't felt it since then, I don't know how the feeling ended but I know being reckless and young is not how the damage gets done" and when Brandi said "now we're always missing something, I miss when we did not need much" and when they proceeded to say "all I needed was someone when the whole wide world felt young" yeah

[babydollmarauders]

HITS DIFFERENT— JACK HUGHES

final part of the Midnights Fic List

summary: in which y/n and Jack were in a relationship for 4 years before deciding to go separate ways, but everything reminds her of him and y/n realizes she’s made a mistake by letting him go.

specific lyrics: “i washed my hands of us at the club, you made a mess of me. i pictured you with other girls in love, then threw up on the street.” and “they say that if it's right, you know. each bar plays our song, nothing has ever felt so wrong.” and “i find the artifacts, cried over a hat, cursed the space that i needed. i trace the evidence, make it make some sense why the wound is still bleedin'. you were the one that i loved.” and “i heard your key turn in the door down the hallway. is that your key in the door? is it okay? is it you?” and “i never don't cry at the bar. yeah, my sadness is contagious. i slur your name 'til someone puts me in a car.” and “love is a lie; shit my friends say to get me by.”

notes: i don't know how i feel about this one. i feel like i could've potentially done better, but anyways MIDNIGHTS FIC LIST IS OFFICIALLY DONE! it's a month later than i had originally wanted to finish it, but it's finally done!

the reflection staring back at me is a bit of a hot mess. mascara smudged, hair tousled, lipstick fading. i stare in the mirror until i feel the sting of the hot water on my hands, pulling them back with a hiss of pain. the alcohol running through my veins helps me avoid overthinking about this dingy club bathroom, my shoes sticking to the floor with every step. but the buzz does nothing to help with the thoughts that run through my mind when i hear the song that’s blasting from the speakers throughout the club.

“y/n/n, you good?” my head snaps over to Marie, her upper body peeking in through the bathroom door. one look at me makes her sigh. “you’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?”

“it’s our song.” i explain, as though she hasn’t heard the same excuse at every other bar we’ve been to in the past six months.

“i know it is, hun.” she gives me a pitiful smile, fully entering the grimy bathroom in order to grab my hand.

“it just feels so wrong hearing it without him.” tears well up in my eyes, my heart hurting just a little extra.

“let’s go get you another drink.” i give a numb nod in response, letting her lead me to our other friends that sit in a booth by the bar. at the sight of my state, they both give each other an unspoken glance before giving me a look of pity.

“i ordered you another tequila sunrise.” Beth tells me, sliding the drink towards me. i drop into the booth, muttering a short ‘thanks’ before gulping at the drink.

“lay it on us, babe. what’s on your mind tonight?” Lisa pipes up, sipping at her own drink and raising a brow at me.

“i just— they say that if it’s right, you know. and i thought we were right. but, it makes no sense because why didn’t i know until we broke up? i mean, i knew. obviously i knew, i followed him here from Michigan. but, i didn’t know know until we separated, ya know?”

“i’m gonna be honest, i only understood maybe half of what you just said.” Lisa says, making Beth and Marie giggle. “but love is a lie, y/n/n. sure, you can like someone enough to be with them for a long time, but romantic love? complete bullshit. it doesn’t exist. this isn’t the movies.”

“she’s right. and the quicker you realize that, the quicker you’ll get over him.” Marie nods, pointing at Lisa as she speaks while Beth hums in agreement.

“i don’t know if i’ll ever get over him. i love him. i miss him.” i whine. “i want him back. i don’t wanna be here. i want Jack.”

“alright, maybe it’s time we get you back home.” Beth sighs, tapping her thumbs on her phone. ordering an uber, i assume.

“i don’t wanna go home. i wanna see Jack.”

“you can’t see Jack, y/n. you’re drunk, and you guys broke up.” Marie pats my shoulder, helping me out of the booth and out of the club, the other two girls following behind us.

i continue mumbling to myself, my words slurred, and i’m eighty percent sure that the only actual audible word was my ex’s name.

“c’mon, hun. watch your head.” Lisa coos, helping me into the uber. “we’ll see you on tuesday, babe. get some sleep.”

Marie and Beth call out some goodbyes before Lisa shuts the car door, she motions for the guy up front to lower his window, whispering something to him before he starts off towards my house.

“would it be too late to ask to change the drop off location?” i ask him, anxiously playing with the strap of my purse as i speak.

“i’m sorry, ma’am. your friend just told me you might ask that. she said i’m under strict orders to take you straight to the predetermined destination.” i heave out a deep breath, slumping back into the seat of the car.

it doesn’t take too long to get to my apartment complex, muttering a ‘thank you’ to the man before sliding out of the vehicle and making my way up to my apartment. as soon as i make it into the apartment, i bee-line for my bedroom, stripping out of my club outfit and changing into some leggings and a tank top. i wipe off my makeup and throw my hair up before entering my closet. my sights set on the old USA Hockey sweatshirt on my shelf, i hop up, reaching for the article of clothing. however, as soon as i pull it down, something else comes tumbling down with it, falling to the floor in front of me.

slipping the sweatshirt on, i bend down to pick up the fallen item. holding it, tears prick the backs of my eyes as i realize what it is, Jack’s hat. his New York Yankees hat to be exact. my heart aches remembering the times he wore it. our Yankees game, date nights, even just lounging around the house. clutching the hat to my chest, i sink to the floor, sitting criss cross as i cry.

space. why did i think i needed space? i got plenty of space when he was always gone for roadies. fuck space. i just want him. my fingers trace the Yankees symbol, my tears falling down onto the dark blue fabric. why does it still hurt so bad? it’s been six months.

i know it may not help that i’m still in the same apartment we shared. every piece of this home reminds me of him. but it’s been much too hard to move. i tried looking at other apartments, but nothing felt as right as this one. i’m not ready to give up the last piece i have of the one i love.

too busy crying on the closet floor, i barely hear the lock on the front door turning. my head snaps up at the sound, trying to remember which of my friends have spare keys. Marie, Beth, and Lisa are the only ones, but i just left them. that only leaves two other options, Quinn or Jack. but, that i’m aware of, Quinn is still in Vancouver. i know he doesn’t have another game in New Jersey until next month. which only leaves Jack. i try not to get my hopes up, but i can’t help but wonder if it’s him, if he’s come back. the chances are slim. it’s been six months, why would he come back now?

i come to the decision that it’s probably Marie checking up on me. probably worried about the way i was when we parted not that long ago. it wouldn’t be the first time she’s checked on me.

footsteps thump against the wooden floors, getting closer to the bedroom, and i huddle further into the closet, hoping Marie will just leave me alone. tears still stream down my face as i clutch the hat closer to my chest, letting out silent sobs.

“y/n?”

that’s not Marie.

too exhausted, i opt out of leaving the closet, not even able to get myself to speak without being racked with sobs. i sniffle as i hear him pass the closet, the footsteps stop for a moment before i hear them start again, getting closer to the cracked open closet door. i don’t bother looking, fully believing that at this point i’m a mix of drunk and sleep deprived, just hearing things that aren’t there. i wipe at my eyes but the tears keep coming. i shift to bring my knees to my chest, the hat now gripped in my hands in front of me.

“oh, baby.” i hear from behind me before a body drops down beside me on the floor, pulling me into them. his cologne fills my senses, my face buried into his chest. the scent fills me with melancholy, memories of when he used to hold me close and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. comforting me. making me feel at home within his arms.

“it’s okay.” as if i summoned the whispers with my thoughts, his breath fans across my ear. “i’m here. i’ve got you. i’m right here.”

his reassurances calm me just slightly, but the real help is when he splays a hand along my chest, taking deep breaths. muscle memory takes over as i mimic his breathing.

“what are you doing here?” i ask once i’ve finally calmed enough to speak. i wipe at my nose with the sleeve of my sweatshirt, finally looking up into the blue eyes that peer down at me.

“Beth called me.” he whispers.

“she did?”

“yeah. she told me you’re not doing okay.” he confesses. “she didn’t tell me much more than that. just that she’d really appreciate if i checked on you.”

“you came over here in the middle of the night just to check on me?” i question. “you have a game tomorrow. you should be sleeping.”

“you’re a lot more important than a game.” his hand moves from my chest to cup my jaw. “i told you i would always be here for you, y/n. i meant it.”

“but, we broke up. i didn’t think you cared anymore.” a lone tear drops from my right eye as i speak.

“i’ll always care about you. i don’t think i can ever stop. i love you, y/n/n. and i know you said you wanted space, and i respected that, but i told you when we broke up that i would be here when you decided you were ready.” he pauses, his eyes scanning my face before he continues speaking. “and now i really hope you’re ready because these past few months have been hell without you.”

“i made a mistake. i don’t want space. i want you. you’re the only thing i’ve wanted since i was seventeen.” my voice is barely above a whisper, scared for his response.

“you have me. i’m right here.” his eyes jump between my own and my lips three times before he leans down. i meet him halfway, our lips pressing together in a slow kiss. gentle passion and love radiates between us, his hands cupping my face as mine grip the nape of his neck as if he'll disappear from my hold.

pulling away, his forehead leans against mine. my breath catches in my throat at the sight of the smile gracing his lips. a smile of my own spread across my face and i crane my neck to place a chaste kiss on his lips.

"i missed you so much." i admit. "moving on from boys in high school was so easy, but the heartbreak hit different this time."

"that's how you know it's real. we're real. there's no moving on from us." he tells me. "at least, not for me."

he pulls me in tighter against him, crashing his lips against mine once more, and i feel content again, my life being fixed with such a simple motion.

[mysticstarlightduck]

Character Aesthetic Deep Dive Tag!

I created this tag in this post, and I want to do it again for another Scrapyard Boys OC of mine so here we go!

Rules: Make a moodboard with your character's aesthetic, a playlist that fits their vibe, "badly summarize them" (like, talk about their personality, but funnily), etc. It absolutely does not need to be super detailed!!!!!

✦ Character Aesthetic: Maxwell Cymbelline, WIP -Scrapyard Boys

♡ Moodboard ♡

♡ Playlist ♡

Not All Heroes Wear Capes - Owl City

He doesn't fight crime Or wear a cape He doesn't read minds Or levitate But every time my world needs saving He's my Superman Some folks don't believe in heroes 'Cause they haven't met my dad He loves his workshop And rock 'n roll He's got a hot rod And a heart of gold And you could say he's a man of few words But he talks a lot within And even though I'm a little taller I still look up to him

Could Have Been Me - The Struts

Don't wanna live as an untold story Rather go out in a blaze of glory I can't hear you, I don't fear you I'll live now 'cause the bad die last Dodging bullets with your broken past Well, I can't hear you, I don't fear you now Wrapped in your regret What a waste of blood and sweat Oh oh-oh I wanna taste love and pain Wanna feel pride and shame I don't wanna take my time Don't wanna waste one line I wanna live better days Never look back and say It could have been me It could have been me, yeah

Burn The House Down - AJR

Used to keep it cool Used to be a fool All about the bounce in my step Watch it on the news Whatcha gonna do? I could hit refresh and forget Used to keep it cool Should I keep it light? Stay out of the fight? No one's gonna listen to me If I write a song Preaching what is wrong Will they let me sing on TV? Should I keep it light? Is that right? Way up way up we go Been up and down that road Way up way up, oh no We gon' burn the whole house down

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart - Taylor Swift

'Cause I'm a real tough kid, I can handle my shit They said, "Babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and I did Lights, camera, bitch smile, even when you wanna die He said he'd love me all his life But that life was too short Breaking down, I hit the floor All the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting, "More" I was grinning like I'm winning, I was hitting my marks 'Cause I can do it with a broken heart (one, two, three, four) I'm so depressed, I act like it's my birthday every day I'm so obsessed with him but he avoids me like the plague I cry a lot but I am so productive, it's an art You know you're good when you can even do it With a broken heart

Gone, Gone, Gone - Phillip Phillips

When life leaves you high and dry I'll be at your door tonight If you need help, if you need help I'll shut down the city lights I'll lie, cheat, I'll beg and bribe To make you well, to make you well When enemies are at your door I'll carry you way from war If you need help, if you need help Your hope dangling by a string I'll share in your suffering To make you well, to make you well Give me reasons to believe That you would do the same for me And I would do it for you, for you Baby, I'm not moving on I'll love you long after you're gone For you, for you You will never sleep alone I'll love you long after you're gone And long after you're gone, gone, gone

♡ Badly Summarized OC ♡

Seemingly delicate, polite teenager who loves vintage stuff but can actually pack a punch and is not afraid of a fight - in fact... she rather likes a good bit of chaos

Certified Daddy's Little Girl

That one friend that strangers think is the "Responsible One" but is actually a main Source Of Chaos in the friend group

Feral gremlin of a girl and unashamed, will watch the goriest and intense horror movies while having a girl's night with her friends and painting her nails different colors

Enabler of Bad Decisions who never thinks things through and then gets like "well, went horrifyingly out of control.... LET'S DO IT AGAIN!"

Worst driver in the history of drivers but is trying her best <3

Human embodiment of both an orange cat and a hyperactive border collie in one body

Would practically collect stray puppies and kittens like Pokémons if her current doggo wasn't jealous of every other animal in the world

Likes cereal without the milk. This has nothing to do with anything, but I think its a relevant fact of her personality lol

Tagging (gently): @kaylinalexanderbooks, @smol-feralgremlin, @oh-no-another-idea, @littleladymab,

@winterandwords, @eccaiia, @sarahlizziewrites, @illarian-rambling

@agirlandherquill, @anoelleart, @ray-writes-n-shit

@the-golden-comet, @writernopal, @anyablackwood, @unstablewifiaccess, @forthesanityofstorytellers

@thecomfywriter

@topazadine, @thepeculiarbird, @clairelsonao3, @memento-morri-writes

and OPEN TAG

Taglist for Scrapyard Boys below the cut 🧪

Scrapyard Boys Taglist (-/+): @ray-writes-n-shit, @sarandipitywrites, @lassiesandiego, @smol-feralgremlin, @kaylinalexanderbooks,

@diabolical-blue @oh-no-another-idea

@cakeinthevoid, @clairelsonao3, @sleepy-night-child

@thepeculiarbird

@the-golden-comet, @urnumber1star, @ominous-feychild, @anyablackwood, @amaiguri, @lyutenw @finickyfelix

@thecomfywriter, @the-letterbox-archives, @differentnighttale

@wyked-ao3

Let me know if you'd like to be added!

[gggreengoblin]

2142 words. Inspired by this post and I put my own twist (and insecurities) into the mix. Girl!Daniel who was so in love with Max having a late quarter life crisis because of Kelly's instagram posts and stories during their summer break. Thanks to toastandvegemite and their brilliant mind. CW :: WAG (Kelly), girl!Daniel is a little bit depressed in this story

This is just a fiction, yes, not real. English is my 3rd language so please be gentel.

Daniel had never imagined that she would be standing at the food aisle, 7 pm on Tuesday, tears welling up in her eyes while looking for a specific brand of cooking chocolate. She had been listening to Lana del ray all day, now all she wanted was making the most chocolaty chocolate brownie that ever made for her pity party.

'Did you know a singer can still be looking like a sidepiece at thirty-three?' Every time she heard that part of the lyrics from 'A&W'  her brittle heart crumble. Since when can song lyrics be so painful? Since when did she relate so much to a song.

Being a "sidepiece" might still be better than whatever kind of hell Daniel was in. Because Daniel was even more pathetic than "the other woman" or "the sidepiece". "The other woman" could at least have the person she loves, even if only for a moment. But Daniel could only admire the person she loved from a distance. Even that person didn't know if she had feelings for him.

The man she loved was spending his summer break on the Mediterranean Sea with his girlfriend. He was dancing with his beautiful and perfect girlfriend at a beautiful resort with amazing view. Remembering this put a heavy feeling in Daniel's chest. She wanted to lie down on the floor and cry her heart out. A little bit dramatic, she knew.

Daniel should unfollow Max and Kelly's instagram accounts. Seeing their insta story updates only makes things worse for Daniel. But that would bring up questions in people's minds. Maybe muting them would be enough.

Daniel took out her cell phone and opened Instagram when someone stood beside her and tapped Daniel on the shoulder. If Daniel didn't have good driver reflexes she would have dropped her phone.

"Jeepers! Max, what are you doing here? I thought you were still on vacation." Daniel removed the earphone she was wearing from her left ear.

Max just laughed.

Daniel looked into Max's shopping cart. He brought two big packs of cat litter.

"I came back to Monaco this afternoon. I'm out of litter so I have to buy some. What are you looking for?" Max looked at Daniel's shopping basket. Daniel has put in the eggs, flour and butter she needs for her brownies.

"Cooking chocolate and cocoa powder." Daniel took the closest chocolate and cocoa powder from her.

"What are you going to make?"

"Brownies."

Daniel looked at Max. Max was wearing a hat but Daniel knew that under the hat Max's normally brown hair had now turned blonde due to the Mediterranean summer sun. Max's facial skin also had a golden glow with a little hint of red on his cheeks. Seeing Max felt like looking directly at the sun, but it wasn't daniel's eyes that ached, it was her heart.

"I should go home now. Bye!"

Max held Daniel by the shoulders.

"Daniel, are you okay? You look tired?"

"Gee, thanks, Max." Daniel replied sarcastically.

Of course Max looked at daniel like she was not okay. Daniel was only wearing a hoodie and pajama bottoms, her hair in messy bun. Daniel usually still wears nice clothes and light makeup when she leaves her house, but she didn't have the energy or will to do any of that.

"I'm having a lot on my mind." Daniel wanted to hide from Max's eyes.

That blue eyes looked curious.

"I thought you were going to Perth for summer break."

Max took Daniel's shopping basket and put it in his cart.

"Let me come with you. I don't want you to be alone now. You don't look well."

Daniel did not protest. Who was she to say no to Max after not seeing him for almost a month. She followed Max to the self checkout. She stood behind max and studied the man's broad back.

"Do you need anything else?" Ask Max before they get to self checkout.

Daniel just shook her head. For a while she let herself listen to Lana while looking at Max. Max turned his back on Daniel, he wouldn't be able to see Daniel's pathetic face.

........

Arriving home, Daniel connected her cell phone to the sound system in her kitchen. She put the coffee mug and plate she used earlier into the sink. She also wiped down her kitchen island. Daniel was a little relieved she had cleaned out her apartment last night, at least Max wouldn't have seen her house in such a mess.

Max put her groceries on the kitchen island which had been wiped clean. Max had taken off the jacket and hat he was wearing. Now he sat on the barstool and watched Daniel without saying anything. Only lana's voice was heard between them.

Daniel took off the hoodie she was wearing and also her sweatpants and just left them bunch up on her bed. Now she was only wearing her merch t-shirt and cotton shorts. She didn't care. Max knew her for very long time, of course Max has seen Daniel in a worse condition than now.

Daniel opened her fridge and took out a can of redbull, she also took out the brownie recipe which she attached to the fridge using a piece of decorative magnet. She passed the redbull can to max who opened it immediately.

"I didn't know you could bake." Max said as he took a sip of his redbull.

Daniel took out the cake ingredients they had bought on the kitchen counter. He also took sliced almonds, chocochips and chocolate paste from the refrigerator.

"After becoming a test driver I had a lot of free time, Max. So I tried new things."

Max unknowingly touched on a sensitive topic for Daniel. One of the things that made it difficult for Daniel to fall asleep at night.

Becoming a Redbull development driver was not an easy thing for Daniel. Of course Redbull is a big team to be reckoned with, being part of Redbull is also an achievement but she had a dream to be able to compete in the grand prix. Became the first female driver since 1978. That dream was completely fading.

Daniel even had to fight with her teeth and nails to cling to that empty dream. Maybe she should had let go of her ridiculous dreams after turning 30. Moved on with dignity, return to Australia and settle down for good.

Before she could cry in front of Max, Daniel turned around and took the scales from one of the drawers. Daniel weighed all the ingredients she needed. Flour. Cocoa powder. Sugar. Butter. She chopped the cooking chocolate before weighing it.

"Aren't you happy, Daniel?"

"Do I look unhappy?" ask Daniel.

"Yes." Max answered quickly and honestly. "It was like you were about to cry."

"Like I said before, I've got a lot on my mind."

"What's wrong? Are you sick? How is your family?"

"Is it because of the money? Do you have financial problems so you can't go back to Australia during the break?" Max asked so quickly. Letting out of question after question is like releasing arrows.

Daniel took a large glass bowl and put the ingredients in for the batter. She wanted to whipped the batter manually. She wanted to feel her arm muscles got tired. She wanted to feel a little bit of muscle pain so that the pain in her heart would lessen.

Daniel beat the eggs and sugar using a medium sized whisk. After that he put the sifted flour and cocoa powder into the mix.

"Say something, Daniel. You can tell me anything. If you want to, of course."

Max looked at Daniel with his blue eyes. Blue maldives eyes.

Max was everything daniel wasn't. Male, young, successful.

"I'm fine, my family too. I have money, Redbull pays me well."

"So, what's going on?"

"I'm going through some kind of a crisis maybe. Like a quarter life crisis but in my 30s."

"I will cry if I talk about this."

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with crying. Daniel, it's just me. You can cry if you want."

"Max, I don't know where to start. I have too much on my mind."

"Are you happy in Monaco?"

Daniel thought for a moment. Is she happy here? Does she feel happy coming home to an empty house? Everyone she knew slowly began to leave this place to make a new start, something serious, more precious, something they build brick by brick,  something they would die for.

"I don't think so. I've been feeling isolated lately. I'm far from my family. My friends aren't here anymore. Every day I see only strangers."

Daniel put down her batter, washed her hands and sat beside Max.

"I feel left out. It's not that I want to- I don't know how to explain it."

"Just slowly, take your time."

She took a deep breath, a shaky one. 

"I feel stupid for clinging to my dream of becoming a driver while we all know my chances are so small. Now I'm 34 years old, my dream has failed and I have nothing."

Daniel felt how her tears spilled out. So warm on her skin. Salty as they flowed past her speaking lips.

Max stood up and put his arm around her. Warping her in a warm comforting hug.

"So you want to leave the f1? Build a family?"

She nodded. "Leaving f1, yes. Starting a family doesn't seem like it. Too late."

"Of course it's not too late, you're still 34 years old."

"He already has a family." Daniel whispered into Max's chest. Her voice was small.

"Huh?"

"He's already build his own family." Daniel said louder. "He has a beautiful family. He has a beautiful woman, always perfect beside him. How can I compete with his girl, I look like- I'm so boring compared to her. And also a beautiful child." Daniel was crying so hard, letting everything out. Opened the flood gate. Drenching Max's shirt with her tears.

That was a relief. Saying it out loud gave her bruised heart a sense of freedom. Just like how her therapist said 'talking is fixing half of the problem, you can decompress negative emotion by talking'.

"It is not true, Daniel. You are beautiful. You are talented. You are smart."

God, She didn't want it to end. She wanted to buried in Max's arms forever. Enveloped by his perfume and warmth.

"Whoever he is, he'd be so stupid if he missed you."

Daniel let go of her hug. She wiped her face with the sleeve of her shirt. She felt her eyes begin to swell.

"Who's he?"

She was silent.

"Do I know him?"

"I guess."

"Nico?"

"Kevin?"

"Daniil?"

"No, Max. Don't make me say it. Don't make me admit anything, now."

"Daniil?" Max whispered. He was quiet enough as if talking to himself.

"I didn't want him to know. It is so pathetic. I don't want anyone to find it out."

Max just stood there. Eyes focused on his own hand. Deep in his tough, like he was trying to solve this little puzzle.

Daniel needed an escape. "Sorry your shirt got wet. Let me get you a new one. I have an oversized shirt that will fit you." She said in a too happy tone.

Daniel ran to her guest room, where she kept her stash of unsold merch. She should withdraw all of her stock merch when she no longer competing and joined redbull. She took a larger version of the shirt she was wearing. XL, she was hoping it would fit.

It's a little gross not to wash new clothes before wearing them, but bacteria won't survive in that t-shirt. The t-shirt had been stored for more than 1 year, of course no microorganism could survive that long without nutrients.

"Do you have time to wait for me to finish the brownies? Or is Kelly waiting for you and the cat litter?" Daniel gave the shirt to Max.

Max didn't hesitate to change his clothes in front of Daniel. He took off his t-shirt and exposing his slightly golden skin.

Daniel knew that Max always looks handsome when he wears black clothes. But Max wearing daniel's merch which is black? Damn, something churned in Daniel's heart.

"I can stay a little longer. I wonder what your brownies will taste like."

"Daniel, can you change the song. If you keep listening to sad songs like this, your mood will still be sad."

Daniel changed her playlist. She selects a random playlist from her spotify. She returned to mixing the batter and hoped that everything would be better tomorrow.

That day, she booked more appointments with her therapist while eating freshly baked brownies.

[visualbutterflysworld]

Trash Magic | Vhackerr

Warning: depression, miscommunication, angst, sweet smut

Reader has been feeling down. Vinnie, who’s never seen this side of her, is afraid she may break up with him or secretly seeing someone else.

Uhhh yeah. This was different. Inspired by Lana’s song !!

37 days. It has been 37 days since Vinnie last saw his girl smile. Genuinely smile, he means. The look on her face is always the same. No sparkle in her eyes. No shine from her body. Just the same ol dead pan looked. The quick answers. The distance.

At first, Vinnie simply thought she started her monthly but even after a day or two she’ll go back to her bouncy self. The ambivert girl he’s grown to know and love has simply disappeared. Maybe it’s him? Did he do something wrong? Maybe, she was sick of him. In Vinnie’s eyes that’s how it seemed.

Little did he know that his girl was suffering from depression. Her antidepressants-that she kept hidden from him- weren’t working. Life was starting to feel like a chore again. Of course, she could’ve talked to Vinnie but she didn’t. She didn’t want him to see her like this. It didn’t help with the media shipping him with another girl. Another girl that wasn’t of color. She was pretty, Y/n would not lie but she also couldn’t help feeling doubtful.

Vinnie was just gonna leave her right? She was better. It was always someone else. Vinnie was just gonna push her away. That’s what Y/n thought. Some people could be so cruel about their relationship. Y/n had learn a long time ago that she shouldn’t care what people thought but, on days like these, she couldn’t help herself.

She’s prettier than you!

She’s better than you!

Vinnie and her would make such a better couple!

You’re just in the way!

Those were thoughts she simply couldn’t ignore. It didn’t help with the other thoughts that were way worse. Y/n sat on the cold floor as she looked at her phone. The comments on Vinnie’s last post were of them shipping Vinnie and the girl. What made Y/n come out of her thoughts was a knock at the door.

“Y/n. We really need to talk.” Vinnie’s said. Here it was. The moment he was gonna dump her. It was too much. It felt like too much. “Y/n?” Vinnie asked again and that’s when the water works began. Y/n curled up into a ball and laid on her side. The door quickly opened and she felt a breeze as Vinnie walked over to her.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. It’s okay.” Vinnie pulled Y/n into his arms. She clutched onto his shirt and hid her face as she continue to cry. Vinnie pushed himself against the wall and massaged Y/n hair. “Shh. Baby, it’s okay.” Vinnie whispered. “Please, Vinnie! Please, don’t leave me! Please!” She screamed. Vinnie’s eyes widen. What was she talking about?

“Vinnie, I’m sorry! Please, don’t leave me!” She cried harder. “Baby. Y/n, darling, what are you talking about? I’m right here. What’s wrong.” Vinnie asked. “You’re gonna leave me! You came in here to break up with me! I’m so sorry. Please don’t go!” She wrapped her arms around his neck. Holding onto him tight. Vinnie couldn’t help but to feel his heart crack.

Why on earth would he leave her? Where would she get these ideas from. Vinnie rubbed her back in small circles as he tried to calm her down. Vinnie scanned the room to notice a medicine bottle on the sink counter. Squinting his eyes he saw the words. He let out a breath as he realized she must be having a episode.

As he got her to focus on her breathing and calm down a bit. Just enough to have her sniffling he finally spoke. “Y/n, I’m not breaking up with you. I thought you were leaving me. I would never do anything to hurt you. You know this. Do you want to talk about what’s been bothering you, now?” Vinnie asked as Y/n slowly leaned away. “My…my antidepressants haven’t been working lately and everyone is saying how you’d look better with someone else. I guess, I started to believe them.”

Vinnie smiled softly before putting his hands on her face. Squishing her cheeks together. “Babydoll, I don’t want to be with anyone else besides you. I..you’re simply my everything. It’s my job to make sure you’re happy. You can’t hide these things from me, okay? You have to tell me when you’re feeling down.” Y/n smiled as her face made a silly look. Vinnie softly laughing before pecking her in the lips.

“Okay?” He asked again. “Okay. Pinky promise.” Y/n said. Vinnie smiled again and kissed her. This time was a full on snog. She could feel the love he had for her. The passion he had. The hunger. He pulled her closer. He had to tell her how he felt. This was one of the ways he could.

Y/n gasped as she felt herself be picked up. Vinnie using this opportunity to slip his tongue in. It wasn’t long until they were on his bed. Y/n completely undressed and him still in his boxers. He kissed her neck and down to her chest. “So pretty.” He whispered but loud enough to make her thighs clutch. Tugging on her nipple for a second before doing the same to the other.

He slowly parted her legs and smoothly slipped a in finger into her. Her back arching as she felt him stretch her out. Going slowly at first but faster when she closed her mouth from the silent moans. “So fucking tight.” He looked down to see where his finger was going in and out at a fast pace. “Vinnie.” She moaned before grabbing the sheets under her.

Vinnie slowed down and soon his face was right in front of her sex. “So fucking pretty too. Such a pretty cunt. Made just for me.” Vinnie growled before he flattened his tongue against her clit. Y/n jolted from the action. Trying to back away but Vinnie held her down by her hips. His tongue entering her. Eating her as if she was his last meal.

The moans he got from her were sent from heaven. He had found that spot that makes her buck in a few short seconds. It wasn’t long until she was coming. Cries and pleases came as he helped her with her high. Lapping up every drop. He brought his head up with a smile as he saw her warn out, just by his tongue. Her breathing was fast but was slowly going back to it’s normal speed. “You taste fucking amazing.” He praised as he rubbed her swollen clit.

Vinnie knew how much she liked being praised. He didn’t have to be inside her to know her walls clutched. Vinnie kissing back up to her face. Leaving love bites and hickeys here and there. He quickly grabbed a condom and placed it on his aching dick. Slamming into her without warning. “Fuck, Vinnie!” Y/n moaned her back aching. He put his arm under her back pulling her closer to me. “That’s it baby. Give into me. You’re the only girl I want.” Vinnie grunted as he pulled out, so far only his tip was in.

Her arms going around his neck and slowly slipping down to his back. Scratching at the pleasure he gave. “God, baby.” Y/n screamed. He was going fast but it felt so slow. Like the world had stop for them and them only. “I love you, baby. So fucking much.” Vinnie groaned as he placed a hand on the headboard. That was it. The world had stop.

Vinnie had said the three magic words. The words that Y/n needed to hear. She didn’t realize she had started crying again. “I love you too, Vinnie! I love you more than anything.” And at the same time. They both released. In pure ecstasy. The words that had been dying to roll out for them both.

All they needed was to hear the other say ‘I love you’.

[winter-leftovers]

Til The End Of Eternity || Chapter seventeen: A Little Bit Of Heaven (17/?)

(Douxie Casperan x f!reader)

Summary: Y/n is trying to figure her life out but is going to be hard since her brother is the new trollhunter and she is plagued by dreams and feelings she doesn’t understand.

Chapter Summary: Y/n and Douxie return to their old rutine. Jim has to face the tribunal

Word count: 1257

Warnings: no

(Season 2 Episodes: 10, 11)

Song?: Heaven by Mitski

Previous - Next

Masterlist

Y/n sipped Douxie’s leftover tea as he washed the dishes that were used over breakfast. She smiled to herself as she rebelled in the quiet domesticity. They had started to live together when they were just nineteen years old and they had the same small routine for a thousand years. Y/n would wake up and try to untangle herself from Douxie’s grasp only to be unsuccessful and lie there for another half hour until Douxie would turn for the last time in his sleep; then she would join their familiars in the kitchen who would be waiting for her to give them their morning pets even tho, Archie would never admit it; she would make breakfast for everyone: some kind of fish for the dragons-cats and whatever is in style at the time for them with two cups of tea with a little bit of milk because Douxie knows that Y/n always finishes his drink in the morning and he also knows that that’s her favorite morning drink.

“What are you looking at?” He asks without looking up.

“I missed this” she finishes the tea and puts Douxie’s cup in the sink. The familiar movement made her feel complete.

“I missed this too” he smiles.

“He really did” Al jumped on the counter “The first couple of years he would cry to a picture…”

“Ok…Ok…Shoo…shoo” Douxie splashes some water with his fingers making Al jump back to the floor.

“Hey” the cat complained.

“Hey! I wanted to hear the story” Y/n walked to Al and lifted him up “Tell me, Ali. How much did Douxie cry?” Y/n said mockingly

“Well…” they walked to the couch and Al started to recount all the times Douxie’s heart couldn’t contain the hurt of being apart from her girlfriend.

“Oh, I love these stories” Archie jumped to the couch and rested his head on Y/n’s elbow.

Douxie groaned but they ignored them, too interested in Al’s story. He groaned again, louder as the stories continued to pile up and the laughter would filled the room

“C’mon!” Douxie kneeled in front of Y/n and dropped his head on her lap.

“Hisirdoux” Y/n sang while she massaged Douxie’s scalp “Are you getting shy?”

“Mmmh”

Y/n laughed. Douxie had come a long way since their days in Camelot. In the olden days, he was a shy, clumsy teenager but now, in the 21st century Douxie was no longer a child or a shy teenager, he was a man, a charming man that had half of the population of Arcadia eating from the palm of his hands even if he doesn’t quite realize. But when it comes to Y/n, he returns to that reckless, shy boy in a man-bun that would marvel at the young prodigy from afar.

“Hisirdoux?” She repeated.

“No” he felt his cheeks burn. Without moving his head from her lap, Douxie hugged Y/n’s waist.

“Can I finish the story about the time you thought you saw her in Uruguay?” Al asked to Douxie’s scalp.

“No”

Y/n smiled “Oh, Doux” she stretched her hands and put them under his shirt. Y/n felt Douxie shiver. Smiling to herself as she felt the power she still had over him. She continued to lower herself until her mouth was over his ear “I love to hear how much you missed me” she whispered.

Douxie quickly lifted his face. His expression was serious but his cheeks were crimson.

“You’re such a tease” he whispered into her lips.

“Can’t help it” she smiled before kissing him.

“You are disgusting” Archie groaned as ran to the other side of the room followed by Al that would turn to look at them just to gag.

Y/n and Douxie pulled apart and to laugh.

“I think someone is jealous” said Douxie.

Archie sat down in front of the window, turning his head away from the couple.

“Arch, are you jealous?” Y/n shared a look with Douxie.

The cat didn’t answer, he just kept moving his tail side to side.

With a quick move of Y/n’s fingers, a red light engulfed Archie and the cat started floating back to the coach.

“Hey! I don’t like this” he complained.

“Well, I was worried” Y/n grab him from the air and hold him close to her chest like a child and the cat didn’t complain this time “I asked you something and you didn’t answer!”

Archie rolled his eyes.

“C’mon, Arch. Don’t be jea… Ouch!” Douxie tried to pet his familiar’s head but he hit him before he could get close.

“Don’t touch me” Archie warned and got comfortable in Y/n’s arms.

“What?!” Douxie looked up to Y/n for help and she just laughed.

“Aw, you missed me too, Arch” Y/n lowered herself to kiss none-stop Archie’s head. He pretended to fight at first but after a couple seconds of purrs he gave in.

“And I was the dramatic one” Al whispered from his new spot on Douxie’s lap.

“We all know I’m Arch favorite” Y/n said into Archie’s head.

The cat didn’t answer, he was too lost in the comfort the touch of her lost friend was giving him.

“I’m not sure I like your lack of answer there, Arch” Douxie half joked “Aren’t you going to say anything?” He gently shook Al that was laying belly up, grooming his left paw

“I’m really sure about my place in the world” he said and continued grooming his paw.

The wizards chuckled.

—

Y/n walked out of the store after a quiet shift when Toby’s screams made her stop.

“Toby? What’s going on?” She meet him halfway.

“It’s Jim” the boy to pull her by the arm “The tribunal has him in a cage. You have to come with me!” The boy pulled harder. He was desperate, scared. The memory of his friend sitting in that cage was haunting him, especially because he wasn’t able to do anything.

“What? Why?” She followed him without complaining.

“Gunmar got out”

Y/n felt a shiver run down her spine. The war was over. They won. The Darklands were supposed to be a secure prison, nothing was supposed to get out.

They ran to TrollMarket in silence, both too consumed in nervousness to talk. The darkness of the dungeon wrapping their brains.

One of Krubera opened Jim’s cage.

“Are you alright?” Asked Blinky

Jim came out of the cage charging but stopped when he saw his friends.

“Are you okay? Did they rough you up?” Claire ran to hug him.

“No, Claire. I’m…I’m okay!” He smiled and joined Toby to the hug

“We’ve come to escort you to the tribunal” Blinky pointed to the exit, eyes full of worry.

“They say if you’re found guilty, you could die. Is that true?” Toby looked at his friend for a hopeful answer.

“He would walk free if he surrenders the Amulet” Queen Usurna interrupted “What is your choice, Trollhunter?”

“Uh, the one where he doesn’t die?” Toby said.

“No” Jim took a step forward “I’m keeping my Amulet” without taking his eyes off of Usurna he put his armor on.

“Is that what you want?” Y/n put a hand on her little brother’s shoulder.

“Yes, Y/n. Never been more sure” Jim smiled and turned to the rest of the room “I’ll face whatever comes my way”

“Jim…” Toby’s desperate call for his friend was drowned by Usurna’s voice.

“So be it, Trollhunter, your trial awaits”

A/n: its 23:12 and its 28C. Im ready to sleep for 14 hour until I have to leave my house again. Tell me again why I was born in such a hot and humid country? I’ll try to write and chat with you more often! Mila out

[bugslaststraw]

Oh yeah. I'm tired and feel a bit out of body from morning to night dance moves pat and immfeelingalright right now but I had an idea about why Murdoc got like that with 2-D to begin with. Like yes okay I understand that once the stone is kicked down the road there's no way of stopping it; I always accepted that Murdoc was just never gonna be normal about him, but I also can't... Recall any one moment when we were ever told why, like. Why.

Why what? Why everything, why the core question at the centerpoint of everything, why is Murdoc so fucking angry with him all the time. Cos it sure as Hell isn't because he hates him; we're way beyond that now, and we know that that's a lie and most likely always has been. But Murdoc really likes Noodle too, she's his kid after all, his little girl, and he's never treated her the same way even remotely. If the reasons why he's always bullying 2-D is simply "well he's a control freak and gets affection mixed up with beating people half to death because that's what his dad did so he does this to everyone" then why doesn't he ever act this way with anybody else?

Well, the reason I accepted up until now is because Noodle and Russel can't be pushed around as easily. You try to hit either of them and they hit you back way harder and you crumple to the floor like a sack of wet rags. Obviously the logical next move after that is to try to suck up to them instead so you can get them to at least tolerate you, and maybe decide to stay and not set off the ole' abandonment issues as bad. Russel states at one point that 2-D is the only person Murdoc can reliably win a fight against, presumably because he'd never have the idea to swing back. It's not that he's that weak or whatever. He's just, well. Not a fighter.

I had another idea though. A real devious one, this one. Evil shit cooking. I'm an angst wizard where was I going with this

Ever notice how when Murdoc opens up to someone emotionally it's somehow always 2-D? Like, without fail? Okay, sometimes he has full scale mental breakdowns and opens up to Literally Everybody (see; Pirate Radio) because lord knows he isn't very good at keeping secrets, or at pretending to be cool. But also remember that comment he makes about making 2-D dictate his autobiography during, like... YouTube comment section impromptu QnA, space between Song Machine and Cracker Island, I believe. We never got that autobiography. We probably never will get it to be honest. All I remember is 2-D broke his fuckin hands writing it all down.

And, okay, time to beat the same dead horse again, I'm about to bring up arguably some of the most infamous 2-D Moments™ in GZ history but behold;

the other two times. I'm not sure how to put this objectively. Whenever Murdoc ends up crying and spilling his whole tragic backstory in someone's arms it's, like, 2-D 90% of the time. Coincidence? Gods no 2-D is just the person who's around him the most. Because he can't leave. He's also just more... Compassionate and forgiving. At the risk of making him sound like a dumb little baby again #let2dsayfuck he's been shown to be very empathetic and quick to forgive and all. If someone's having a mental breakdown, you try to comfort them. Isn't that how it works? But Noodle is too practical (and doesn't deserve to deal with her own shit father's mental breakdowns, trust me, speaking from experience, it sucks ten times more when it's your parent, especially if they do it often, you do NOT wanna parent your parent it's the most unfun experience I've had period, and I think or at least hope and headcanon that she's resilient enough to go no I am not dealing with this why are you crying get the fuck off the floor) and Russel possibly too mad at Murdoc to even get himself into this situation, so if there's any one person in the band you *want* to be crying in the arms of, it's probably 2-D, right? At least if you're Murdoc.

But. That's a bit annoying, isn't it. You slip up one time and suddenly you wake up the next morning and realise that this... This little fucking twerp has suddenly got immense power over you. Last night you took a Floor Pill off the dance boards of a shady nightclub and it made you think you were legitimately dying, and he was the only person technically in the band at the time, and you'd only first met him a couple weeks ago, but he was the person to go looking for you. Nobody's ever really done that before. And then he tries to help you, shit, he even gets on his knees on the pavement to help peel you off it, and you can't recall anybody ever being that kind to you in your life, and you break down completely, and you cry and hold onto him so hard he complains you're gonna break his spine and you make him promise to never ever ever leave you et-cetera. And instead of going "fuck off man" and disappearing into the night like everyone else you've done this with he actually does promise. Which has also never happened before. And then you wake up the next morning and have to deal with the fact that, on pure god damn accident, you gave that skinny little fucker your whole heart, and you can't take it back.

What's worse, 2-D doesn't understand the weight of what's just happened. Nor does he understand it the next time, or the next time, or the time after that. He doesn't think he's special, he doesn't understand what he's got and that you can't take it back. He's not malicious. He's not laughing at you. He's just confused, confused and very, very open. He's practically parading around your biggest secret like it means nothing.

And don't get me wrong: Murdoc is fine telling people about his past, in fact he seems to like it; he tells Cass Browne about his childhood so he can put it into Rise of The Ogre. He slips in that bit about the lunch lady iykyk as a joke, mid-interview. It's not about the backstory itself. It's about the emotional distance he has from it. And when you're fresh off an acid flashback I don't think you've got any emotional distance from it at all.

2-D doesn't connect the dots at least not until specifically Song Machine If Murdoc thought he was special he wouldn't be hitting him, right? He probably isn't even in the top ten of his favourite people. That's why the times where he's suddenly so familiar, and on top of that so vulnerable, just confuses him. He tells the story about the strawberries as a "weird thing that happened on tour," and the subtext (which we can quite easily spot from an outside perspective, like, come on,) flies completely over his head.

Can you imagine being Murdoc, and reading that interview after it was posted? Skimming through 2-D's synth article in the G-mag while editing because it's probably just stupid anyway, missing the bit about the acid flashbacks, and only noticing it two months later and everybody acts surprised you even care in the first place?

I think if I was Murdoc and I accidentally laid bare the depths of my soul (got a normal amount of vulnerable) and the mother fucker I did it to just started telling random people about it I would become the Joker immediately.

[chaotic-goodsir]

prompt 100 for curtwen?

Thanks for the ask! Despite my plans this ended up being much too long for a drabble and a little bit angsty for fluff, but here you go anyway 😅

(Shout out to the Curtwen song of all time Tongues and Teeth by The Crane Wives for some of the inspiration for this...)

*

Curt wakes in the middle of the night to find Owen isn’t there.

The realisation hits with a jolt of panic, and he’s wide awake at once. There’s no light on in the en-suite, no sign of Owen’s presence in the room except for the crumpled sheets on his side of the bed and the door sitting slightly ajar.

Curt scrambles out of bed, throwing on yesterday’s shirt that he left on the floor, and heads out into the hall.

The house is dark. There’s a bright moon outside tonight, and a pale glow reaching in through the windows, but none of the lights are on. Curt tries the study first, guest room, bathroom. His mother’s bedroom door is closed, and he can hear her snoring faintly inside.

He heads downstairs, all too aware that he can’t hear any movement except his own footsteps on the tiled floor. He wonders for a horrible, anxious moment if Owen has left the safehouse altogether, made a break for it now that Curt’s guard is down.

Then he sees the figure through the kitchen window, standing motionless on the drive.

The safehouse is close to the sea, looking out at the shoreline from this direction, so Owen’s shape is silhouetted against the moonlight reflected on the water. He’s wearing the blue plaid dressing gown that Curt’s mother keeps for guests, The light fabric flutters behind him in the breeze.

Curt opens the kitchen door. It creaks, and Owen spins around, startled.

He looks like he’s been crying.

Curt has only seen Owen cry once before, six months ago on a staircase while Curt held a gun trained on his forehead. Every day since, Curt thanks whatever god exists or cares that he didn’t fire that gun.

‘Hey,’ he says now. standing awkwardly in the doorway in his shirt and boxers. ‘I woke up and you were gone, so…’

‘I needed some air.’

‘Okay.’ Curt says, eyes falling on Owen’s hands shaking at his sides. Owen notices and quickly shoves them in the pockets of the dressing gown.

‘I’m fine, Curt. Please go inside.’

‘What if I said no? I mean, no offense, but I don’t exactly trust you not to run. And technically you’re on house arrest, so you shouldn’t be out here at all.’

He tries to make the last part sound light-hearted, but Owen doesn’t look amused.

‘Why should you care, if I did run?’ he says bitterly. ‘Wouldn’t that be for the best?’

Curt stares at him. He steps down from the doorway, but Owen turns away, looking back towards the shoreline.

‘You’re better off without me. So’s your mother. God knows she’s been a saint, putting up with all of this.’

‘My mom doesn’t mind.’ Curt walks up beside him and tries to put a hand on his arm. Owen flinches away so violently at the sudden touch that Curt’s chest aches.

‘That isn’t the point! And this is exactly what I mean. Everything you’ve both done for me, it’s because you want someone else, someone who doesn’t do that, for god’s sake. Maybe you think if you try hard enough I’ll change back, become that person again. But that isn’t how this works, love. And I don’t deserve the effort.’

He doesn’t look at Curt while he says it, just directs all his anger at the sea, which carries on its usual murmur of waves, indifferent to both of them. Curt watches Owen’s face screw up in frustration, watches his hands dart around as he talks, hears the private-school accent slip a little the way it always does when he’s upset. The way it always has done.

‘I’m not trying to change you,’ He says quietly.

Owen turns to look at him. From here, Curt can see the red in his eyes, the dark circles under them. Owen told him he’d been sleeping better recently - now he wonders if that was a lie, to get him to stop asking.

Owen shakes his head. ‘You really don’t have to lie to me.’

‘I’m not,’ Curt says, hearing his own voice crack a little. ‘There’s nothing I would change about you.’

He puts a hand on Owen’s arm again, and Owen doesn’t flinch this time - just looks down at it, frowning, like he’s never seen Curts hand before.

‘I mean I’d change what happened, yeah. All of it, if I could. But you… you’re still the person I love. I know you think you’re not, but I see it, even if you don’t. I thought you were gone, and now I have you back, and I wouldn’t change that for the fucking world, Owen.’ He can feel the tears on his face now, but he’s always cried so much more easily than Owen. There’s no point being ashamed about it. ‘Okay? So don’t you dare run off on me because you think you’re this – I don’t know, this monster or whatever. So what if you are! You were pretty messed up before and I loved you then. Why wouldn’t I still love you now?’

He's gripping Owen’s arm too tightly now, he realises. He lets go, stands there catching his breath after saying so much so quickly. He hadn’t meant to – the words just started pouring out, and he’s so tired of not telling Owen how much he needs him to stay. Now that he’s started he’s not sure he’ll ever stop.

For a moment Owen just stares at him, mouth slightly open like he doesn’t know how to reply. Then he seems to pull himself together, and smiles slightly.

‘Messed up before, was I?’ He says, raising an eyebrow.

See, Curt thinks. There you are.

‘Come on. You know it.’

Owen laughs, stepping closer. Slowly, he lifts a hand to Curt's face and wipes a tear from his cheek with the dressing-gown sleeve.

‘Then I suppose it would be true to character if I kissed you right now, in plain view, in front of your mother’s home, while you’re telling me I’m a monster that you nonetheless love?’

‘Oh, yeah. Definitely.’

‘Mm. Good.’ Owen says, and does exactly that.

[whatstruthgottodowithit]

Die From A Broken Heart

Fandom: Elvis Presley, American Musician

Pairing: Elvis Presley x Reader

Characters: Elvis Presley, Reader, Original Female Character

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 1837

Summary: Was it ever really real, if he don't feel like I feel?

Tags/Warnings: Established Relationship, Break-ups, Crying, Angst, Mother-Daughter Relationships, Arguments, Fights, End of Relationship, Song Lyrics, Parallel Fic, Song Fic, Die From A Broken Heart // Maddie & Tae

Notes: This is directly linked to Tennessee Orange

ELVIS MASTERLIST // SONG LINK // HALLOWEEN MASTERLIST

‘Hello?’ my mother said, the sound of her voice causing comfort to shroud me, the way only a mother’s voice can.

‘Mama?’ I asked.

‘Oh hi darlin’,’ she said, her smile detectable through the phone, ‘to what do I owe this pleasure? I thought you said the next time you’d managed to get to call would be Sunday.’

‘Oh, yeah,’ I mumbled, feeling the comfort she had provided ebb as I suddenly remembered my reason for calling. When I remembered the wet black tracks of mascara that were still adorning my cheeks, the reason I needed comfort in the first place.

‘Everything okay honey?’ she asked no doubt concerned at my mumblings. Yet her concern didn’t do anything but turn the relief that flowed through my veins at her presence to sadness and embarrassment. I didn’t know why. After all, I had called her with the intention of telling her everything and yet now I was here I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to because whilst I was sure she’d be comforting there’d no doubt be an air of ‘I told you so’ coating whatever words she offered me and that was something I wasn’t sure I was ready to face just yet. So, I didn’t.

‘Fine,’ I sniffed, trying to push the remnants of tears back inside me, ‘actually, I just rang for some advice.’

‘Oh, well I can tell ya what I know. I don’t know if it’ll be much help mind. What is it baby?’ she chuckled. It was then I realised I didn’t know what I was going to ask her. It had been a deflecting technique, a stupid one. It was only when I clocked the dress I had been wearing last night crumpled on the floor I found the words coming out of my mouth as I said, ‘how do you get red wine out of a dress?’

‘Oh, uh well lotsa folks say putting white wine on it helps but I personally think that’s a loada hooey,’ she chuckled earning a meek laugh from myself in response, ‘but you’re probably better putting some white vinegar on it and then a little dish soap. Should bring it right out, well providing you ain’t let it stain, have you?’

‘Oh, uh yeah, I didn’t think about it,’ I mumbled.

‘Well it might not come out if it’s set but no harm in giving it a try. What dress is it?’ she asked.

‘That um, blue one that Elvis bought me,’ I replied feeling another wave of sadness grapple at me.

‘The one you wore when we went out to dinner the last time we came up?’ she asked earning a mumble of agreement from me, ‘oh that’s too bad I loved that one. Still, I’m sure he could buy you another.’

‘Maybe,’ I said.

‘How’d it happen anyway?’ she asked, ‘it wasn’t your wine I hope.’

‘Of course not,’ I lied, though she seemed to be able to read this one as there was suspicion in her tone as she said, ‘mm well, I should hope not.’

There was a pause, one that was only punctuated by a tiny sniffle though it seemed after our dance around the topic of underage drinking her mothering senses were heightened as she said, ‘are you okay?’

‘Fine,’ I lied again, hoping this one she wouldn’t be able to sniff out this lie as easily, ‘must be coming down with something.’

‘A hangover?’ she mused.

‘Mama,’ I warned making her chuckle.

Her laugh wrapped around me like a blanket, warming me from the outside in, and at that moment I remembered why I’d called. I’d called because I needed my mom. All the chastising and judgement aside I knew that there was only one person who’d make me feel a tiny bit less hopeless. No one here could do that mostly because it felt as though there was no hope in the entire situation yet her radiant laugh did. But it wasn’t enough, I needed more. I needed her to hug me and tell me everything was alright though that was hard to do given she was hundreds of miles away which is why I said, ‘can I ask you a question?’

‘More laundry dilemmas?’ she said.

‘No…can I come and stay with you…just for a few days,’ I said.

‘Of course you can. Any time you know that,’ she said taken aback by my request but I didn’t stop.

‘Good because I was thinking of coming this weekend or maybe next,’ I said.

‘That’s soon,’ she said.

‘Thought I could come any time?’ I challenged, hoping she wouldn’t make me wait.

‘Oh don’t be like you know your daddy and I love havin’ you any time I’m just sayin’ it’s a bit short notice that’s all!’ she sighed making me frown guiltily. I hadn’t meant to sound mean but the idea of the only ounce of comfort I’d been offered in the last few days being snatched away suddenly felt like too much to bear. My mother seemed to notice I was quiet and her voice dripped with concern as she said, ‘everything okay?’

‘Yeah,’ I said, trying to push the sadness from me. I should’ve just told her; I mean it was the reason I had called her in the first place and yet I couldn’t bring myself to because I didn’t want to face it. Not properly. I didn’t want her to pity me, to think me a fool who hadn’t seen this situation coming a mile off. After all, that was what mothers did right? Saw their daughter’s mistakes before they made them. She’d seen it coming off the bat and yet she’d allowed me to protest it was right for me in order to let me see for myself. 

‘Honey,’ she said, and that was all it took for me to crack, for the floodgates to open once more as fresh tears ran down my face, a sob escaping me.

‘Mom everything’s a wreck,’ I said, gasping for breath as I tried to keep my sobs at bay.

‘What happened?’ she asked.

‘Me and Elvis had a fight, a huge one,’ I cried, ‘I think it’s over.’

‘Oh honey,’ she said sympathetically.

‘Please don’t tell Daddy,’ I said quickly. If my embarrassment around my mother knowing the truth of how this entire thing had blown up in my face was bad my father knowing was a whole different ball game.

‘Darlin,’ she said.

‘Don’t! He’ll come barrelling down here with his gun I bet ya! Please don’t tell him,’ I begged. See that was the problem. Whilst both of them had seen it coming, able to see through the fairy tale of Elvis and I they’d both see it in different ways. Whilst my mother would think me foolish for not having heeded her words my father would see it as Elvis’ fault. The last thing I needed was my father putting a .45 in Elvis’ heart for breaking mine.

‘And when you come home cryin’ what do I tell him then huh?’ she asked. She had a point. When I dragged myself home all pathetic and mopey what was I supposed to say to my father then. It made another wave of sadness flow through me.

‘Oh mama I’m such an idiot!’ I said as the tears flowed down my face, dropping black marks onto the skirt of my dress no doubt ruining anther garment.

‘Oh you’re not an idiot,’ she sighed, ‘you’re young.’

‘And dumb,’ I added, ‘I just…I thought he loved me, the way I love him.’

‘Oh sweetheart,’ she said.

‘But how can he? I mean if he can just walk away after a fight like that, he can’t right?’

‘Maybe he just needs time to cool off. Heck this might be one of those things you two laugh about one day,’ she said and though I could tell she was putting in so much effort to make me feel better it failed to even help one iota. Because she hadn’t seen it.

She hadn’t seen how the boy I loved beyond anything, the boy I’d moved my entire life for, had forgotten about me. How he’d become taken with the appeals of fame, the fans, the money. She hadn’t seen how the boy who had once raced home to be with me now stayed out on the road. How he’d forget to call me and even when he did how those phone calls always felt as though he was dying to get away, sometimes to get to whoever was sitting on the other side of the line with him. She hadn’t seen how when I’d told him I missed him, how unhappy I was living in this big old house with just his parents for company he’d told me I was ungrateful. How we’d screamed at each other. How he’d told me to go because I obviously didn’t love him anymore. She hadn’t seen the way he’d climbed in his car for yet another tour without so much a backward glance at me. She hadn’t watched me rattle around his room for the last few days hoping he’d call, that we’d apologise and laugh like she’d mentioned, only to find that call wasn’t coming.

I’d thought he loved me and yet he was willing to walk away from it in one night.

‘You didn’t see the way he left here,’ I said, another sob escaping me, ‘I’ve been prayin’ he’d come back. Cryin’ so hard I thought I go blind…oh Mama I’m an idiot.’

‘My daughter is no idiot!’ my mother said firmly, ‘she’s a lovin’and kind girl who put her trust in someone and well…sometimes it doesn’t always go the way you think…but…’

‘But?’ I said with a sniffle tyring not to sound too hopeful about whatever she was going to say.

‘Look maybe you both just need a minute okay,’ she said, ‘how about you give him some time to cool off? You cool off here, let me and daddy take care of ya and then in a few days you can see how the land lies and well if it’s not meant to be it ain’t the end of the world. You can always come back home darlin’.’

‘Promise?’ I asked.

‘Promise,’ she said earning the smallest of smiles from my lips. I wasn’t one hundred per cent fixed. I knew that what me and Elvis were going through might not be salvageable and though I was sure my mother knew it too, and no doubt longed to tell me I was foolish for having hoped in the first place, she didn’t. She gave me the comfort I longed for, the comfort only a mama can bring. And though it wasn’t enough to fix everything it was enough to make me feel as though I might be able to get through this broken heart, even if I had to move home to do it.

I wanna kick myself for falling so hard

Mama, can you die from a broken heart?

ELVIS TAGS

@girlblogger2002 @sania562 @caitlin1996 @literally-just-elvis-fics @notstefaniepresley @artlesson8892 @18lkpeters @velvetelvis @jaqueline19997 @elvispresleyxoxo @amydarcimarie @presleyenterprise @everythingelvispresley @elvispresleywife @lillypink @richardslady121 @lettersfromvenus @louisejoy86 @ccab

[hardbeingcasual]

WHERE DO WE GO NOW? x fem reader

WARNINGS: Suicide, blood, angst, grief, Y/N mention

SUMMARY: After your boyfriend Henry takes his own life due to his brother Sam getting bit and turning, you struggle to deal with the grief as you have to leave both Henry and Sam behind.

notes: i’m not even going to lie i made this for me i LOVEEE henry , title is a gracie abrams song ⭐️ haven’t read over this so sorry if it suckssssss

update as of nov 2023 ….. gracie abrams is a Freakkk so pretend the title isnt her song…. i’m not removing it incase people wanted 2 come back to this so yeah

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

You, Henry and Joel all wake up in alert as you hear screaming and snarling coming from the room Ellie and Sam had slept in the night before. Before you could even properly wake up Ellie comes running through, Sam on her tail, but it wasn’t actually Sam. He had turned into one of the infected. Your heart hurts at the sight of it.

Joel quickly tries to get the gun that was on the floor but Henry was quick and beat him to it, he aims the gun at Joel who tries to help Ellie, but then Henry shoots the floor. He then turns to his brother who was still trying to bite Ellie on the floor and puts the bullet right in his head. You flinch at the sound of the gunshot as tears brim at your eyes at the sight of the young boy lifeless on the floor.!

“Ellie, are you okay?” Joel pants as he stares at the young girl with concern, he tries to go forward to comfort her but Henry then aims the gun at him again.

“Henry—” You try to speak but Joel gives you a look that told you to stop.

“What did I do?” Henry mutters.

“Wha—What’d I do?” He stammers as he tries to process whatever just happened moments prior. “Sam.”

“Give me the gun,” Joel instructs, Henry does not. “Give me the gun.” Henry looks back at his little brother before raising the gun to the side of his head, “HENRY NO!” Joel shouts as Henry makes eye contact with you and pulling the trigger.

“NO!” You cry out as Henrys body falls to the ground. You feel sick to your stomach as you see the person you loved the most on the ground, lifeless and unmoving. You let sobs escape you as your shaking hands cover your face to hide yourself from the world.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

You stare off into the distance as you were sat next to the graves Joel had dug for Henry and Sam. You put your head on your knees as some tears escape your eyes at the thought of them not being here anymore. You hear footsteps behind you but you didn’t move an inch.

“Hey, Y/N,” It was Ellie. “We’re leaving.” She states.

Before Henry and Sam had passed, the three of you had decided you’d go to Wyoming with Joel and Ellie to Joel’s brothers. You didn’t even move an inch when Ellie had came over to you.

You could feel both Joel and Ellies stares on you but you didn’t care. All you wanted to do was wallow in self pity. “Just go. I’ll stay here, with them.” Ellie and Joel share a look. Ellie makes her way over to you and sits next to you, before wrapping her arms around you, in a hug. You let the young girl hug you as you were deep down the spiral of grief to care about anything going on at the moment.

Ellie breaks the thick silence, “I know what it’s like.” She pauses, as your head lifts from your knees to look at hers. Your blood shot eyes making contact with hers. “To loose someone you care about.” She finishes as she notices a stray tear that slipped out of your eye.

You let her words sink in, you look back at the graves. Henry’s. Then Sam’s. You sigh as you feel your lips start to tremble. “Let’s go then.” Your croaky voice breaks Joel and Ellie from their thoughts. “They wouldn’t want me sitting here like an idiot.” You say, looking down sadly down at the graves that held your boys. You grab your bag Ellie had brought over for you, launching it over your shoulder and walking west. Not noticing Ellie leave Sam’s little writing thing he used to communicate with those who couldn’t do sign language. The words Ellie had written on it were ‘I’m sorry’

tags @zndayacc

[imaginesfora3]

Give and Take [Takato Tasuku]

Tasuku was never one to lie.

You could see the irritation in his face, the way he was to keep a polite yet blank look while he was speaking. Ever the brilliant actor, he feigned politeness with ease but the subtle little twitch of his brow told you all you need to know. You’re tempted to save him but then remember the harsh words you exchanged earlier, the smile dropping from your face so quickly the others around you grew concerned.

‘Maybe we shouldn’t be together.’

He had said it with such conviction, as if the case was closed and you could offer up no counter. And you really couldn’t. His words had shattered the part of your soul that might whip up a snippy retort, instead your lower lip quivered as you tried to ignore the implications behind what he just said. Was he breaking up with you?

Perhaps it was inevitable that he broke your heart. He had warned you from day one that he wasn’t meant for relationships, that everyone he had even bothered having had fallen apart before long. You had willingly taken the plunge with him again because the thought of him not being yours felt unbearable but… wasn’t this worse? Having to feel him slipping through your fingers like sand, the strength of your grip irrelevant? If you never knew what it was to love the real Takato Tasuku, would your heart still be in tact?

You seat yourself at a table as far from others as possible, your social battery drained before the real party had even begun. You’re afraid you might cry unprompted if someone tried to strike up a conversation with you, knowing it would lead to them asking for a reason and you weren’t ready to speak what had happened out loud. So, you sit alone, sipping wine, keeping an eye out for the breaker of your heart.

You get caught up in your thoughts as a slower song comes on, a memory rushing to the forefront of your mind. It reminded you of an older play Tasuku had been practicing for, asking for your help along the way to practice lines. It was always a thrill to watch him transform up close so you couldn’t deny him. The play, the relationship between the two characters you were playing, was never meant to be a romantic one yet there was a certain intensity to the scene that led you to be standing closer than normal. You liked to think a small bit of reality was bleeding into the fantasy you were both enacting, passion too strong to be stopped by any boundary.

He had been the one to make the first move, hands holding either side of your face as he gave you a lip crushing kiss. Tasuku, or his character? You nearly gasped out his name, shattering the immersion, but a tiny voice in your brain told you to hush. If you broke his concentration, he’d snap out of it and move away, and you didn’t really want that, did you?

You can still see his face now, the way he pulled away with an unreadable expression on his face. You kept eye contact with him even as his hands slowly fell from your face to rest at his sides.

“…Do you do that with all your scene partners?”

You had never seen him flustered before but what a beautiful sight it was, color blossoming across his face quicker than he could cover it up. You wanted to ask him then and there- was that you? Were you kissing me? Or was it Sir Leander, too caught up in the moment with his ward, driven to an emotional edge and desperately needing an outlet?

You never did ask. Things just happened, and suddenly he was yours.

‘Was.’ Your brain emphasized.

‘Was.’ Your heart cried.

Your drink desperately needed to be refilled but your legs don’t feel much like working. You were surprised you had even stood and chatted for as long as you did. You stayed seated, staring at the ever dwindling remainder of your drink; you took smalls sips like you were traveling through the desert and didn’t know when you’d get another chance to hydrate. You began wondering how embarrassing it would be if you just dragged yourself across the floor to get to your next cup, taking shelter under the bar for the rest of the party. Your daydreams of peace are interrupted when a shadow loomed over you, blocking out the glittery lights that were covering everyone in the room now that DJ Disco had arrived to the party.

You don’t have to look up to guess who it is.

What did you want him to say?

‘We need to talk.’

No. That would be too much. You couldn’t handle that right now, you couldn’t handle anything from him at all. Gods above, you needed another drink stat.

“Do you need a refill?”

What a considerate bastard he was. Not surprising, to you at least. Others might be surprised at his consideration, he could be direct and rude more often than not, but he knew how to handle you with care. He knew little things about you, noticed habits that you hadn’t even realized yourself, it was almost like he was doing a character study on you. He had said once while under the influence (which you just considered him being even more truthful than normal) that he could simply watch you be for hours on end. He didn’t even seem embarrassed for saying it, the tiny, almost devilish smile on his face making you wonder if he was teasing you.

You hadn’t given him a verbal response but he didn’t need one. By the time you had pulled yourself out of your reverie he had appeared again with a full glass of wine, placing it delicately in front of you before he seated himself beside you. You considered chugging it, downing glass after glass and making him get you a new one each time, not giving him a chance to open up a conversation you didn’t want to have. But you knew with one more glass you’d only make yourself look like a fool, passing out on the table before the party was even halfway over.

Azuma and Tsumugi stood off to the side, enjoying the vibes rather than being directly involved in any of the partying. They had been a trio until Tasuku had noticed an opening, a chance to talk to you smoothly rather than abruptly butting in and demanding your attention.

“I think I said the wrong thing.”

“What could you have said that love can’t repair?” Azuma had asked quite playfully, not necessarily thinking those words were true but still having faith that Tasuku couldn’t possibly be that insensitive. But the look on Tsumugi’s face told Tasuku that his childhood friend still knew him best of all.

When Azuma’s face falls, his mouth set in a hard, thin line, Tasuku knew he was in for it. As the adults at the dorm their conversations were always nuanced; they knew humans had faults, that slights could be seen from a different angle and take on a whole new meaning, there were endless words of wisdom shared when they spent time together. But wrong was wrong. He had said the one thing he knew would hurt you most, he had pulled the rug out from under you and attacked the thing you were most self-conscious about.

Tasuku remembered, as he sat across from you now, a moment that had happened nearly a year ago now; he remembered it as if it happened yesterday. The way you had collapsed into his arms, gripping his shirt like it was the only thing that could anchor you, tears soaking you both. He could hardly make out what you were saying in the moment so rather than come up with some thoughtless response he had held you, hand rubbing your back reminding you that you were here and real and safe.

Later, when he thought about it, he managed to piece your teary mumbled sentences together.

‘You left me.’

He had never done such a thing in reality, so the only conclusion he could come to was that it was a bad dream. It was silly to cry over something that wasn’t real, and he might have even said that if he didn’t see firsthand how it hurt you. How deeply did you feel for him that you’d have a reaction like that? How scared were you that he’d leave with no hesitation? He didn’t know the answer to those questions. He didn’t know how he’d react either.

“Do you think they’ll talk to him?”

“I wouldn’t,” Azuma responded smoothly, the easy smile that remained on his face nearly making Tsumugi let out a nervous laugh, “Personally, I’d let him mull it over a bit longer.”

“…I don’t think he realized how much it would…” Tasuku had hurt Tsumugi once before too, with thoughtless words and actions; it had been shown they both needed to grow in the long run. And he was sure the same was true for you two as well.

To grow as a couple, Tasuku would need to be more vulnerable and you…would need to place more trust in him. That might not be easy after tonight but…

Tsumugi had seen firsthand the deep look of concentration on Tasuku’s face after ‘the incident’, something Tasuku had mentioned so casually that Tsumugi nearly fell over from shock. Romance had never been an issue for either one of them, they never gossiped or had late night talks about crushes that had them giggling or kicking their feet but that night Tasuku had talked about you at length.

They had both laid down in their respective beds, staring up at the dark ceiling of the room, sharing a whispered conversation just for them. It had started with memories, new and old, then to how they’d changed yet still stayed the same. Tasuku had paused when they talked about everyone they’d met since joining Mankai, how these new people taught them both something in one way or another. Tsumugi had been the one to bring up your name, very much on purpose, thinking back to the moment Tasuku had dropped on him without expanding on it earlier.

“I think I…” He trailed off, never giving his roommate an answer before nodding off.

Tsumugi couldn’t help but quietly laugh to himself.

“Good for you.”

After explaining what had happened that night there weren’t many solutions they could come up with; Azuma seemed to think giving you space was a bad idea, that even if you looked away at first it was clear you wanted to talk. Tsumugi had to take into account how Tasuku would react, studying his best friends face.

This was something that was weighing on him.

It was proof enough that Tasuku hadn’t meant what he said.

“Take it back,” Tsumugi offered up simply, “Tell them you made a mistake and take back what you said.”

“…This isn’t some schoolyard bullying or something,” Tasuku had grumbled out, but he seemed to think about it. Azuma shared a raised eyebrow look with Tsumugi but before much else could be said, Tasuku had disappeared and then reappeared at the island you had placed yourself on.

Where now it was the two of you, with nowhere else to go.

Man, you wished your legs worked.

“…There’s something I’ve always been curious about.” You want to shut up but you can’t find it in you, the liquid courage (or stupidity) refusing to let you be silent any longer. “That night we first kissed… I know you were in the moment. But was it… was it you that wanted to kiss me? Really you? Or was it just another role taken too far?”

His roles were him. He became the character written on the page, emulated them in every way he could, even taking the mundane way they might live daily life and incorporating it into the exciting events of the actual story the audience would see. There were little parts of him in each character just like each character gave a little part to him, a love letter from screenwriter to actor and from actor to audience. He had never thought about that moment as him just playing a part because he had always been there, present in the moment, so painfully aware of the tension between you.

Was that something his character would have done truly? Or had Tasuku been so overwhelmed by his own passions that he had acted out and taken advantage of a situation that set the two of you so close together?

You’re sorry that you asked, sorry that you have to sit here with your own assumptions as he took far too long to answer what you thought was a simple question. He suddenly reached out to touch you, hand over top of yours, direct eye contact that you couldn’t hold.

“It was me.”

“Are you sure about that? Wouldn’t that just be admitting you weren’t playing the role as thoroughly as you could’ve been?”

He let out an annoyed huff, but his answer didn’t change.

“It was me.”

“…I want to go home, Tasuku. I want to go home and talk some more. But you’re not allowed to break up with me.” He looked a little bewildered at your direct statement, but it began to dawn on you… Had he never even considered it? Despite what he had said to you over a silly little difference in opinion, that maybe you shouldn’t be together, had he not overthought what he said and turned it around in his mind a million times? Had it just been an accidental frustrated slip?

“I don’t plan on it,” He responded coolly, “I should get you home. I don’t think you can walk out of here in one piece.”

“You’re most certainly correct.” You take another sip from your wine. “You’re going to explain to me every single little thought in your head tonight, and you’re gonna make me understand… what that was all about, okay? And we’re going to actually talk and you’re not going to get grumpy and walk away because you don’t know how to explain your emotions.”

Tasuku sighed, glancing over briefly at Azuma and Tsumugi who smoothly turned their heads to pretend they hadn’t been overseeing him like he was their toddler apologizing to a teacher for acting out.

“I’ll do my best,” He finally muttered, “Just let me take you home so we can be alone.”

“Okay.”

You supposed you could trust him, truly trust him, even if that little voice in the back of your head was still frightened of what may come.

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Today I was at a water park with my little cousins. It was fun, but the water park is really tailored for children, and the more ”swimming and diving” section where they had diving towers and stuff were closed down because of renovations.

So while I was waiting for my cousins to go on the water slides 50 times, I entertained myself by disappearing in my own thoughts.

So this is stuff I thought off, both memories and ideas to write:

- For a moment I was like ”DCLA characters in a water park fic!!” before I remember I already wrote that. So I thought ”… I haven’t done that for asoue have I?” And started spawning some ideas.

- I got a memory when we passed the shower room. I remember around 10 years ago, there was a girl that had grabbed a shower head and sprayed water on the floor, as she danced in it and sang ”LET IT FLOW, LET IT FLOW!”

- Another memory of when I was 13 and was here with my friend, and we passed a crying little girl in the shower room, who didn’t want to shower because she was afraid of the way the showers worked. Her grandma pointed at us and told her ”those girls most likely think that you’re very lame for not daring to shower.” I want to tell that little girl, whoever you are, we did not think you were lame! And your grandma was really mean to say that! Like… maybe us who are grown know the showers aren’t dangerous, but when you’re 3-4? The world seems so much more scary than what it is, because you can’t separate reality and fiction. So a giant box that sprays hard water on you might feel a bit unsettling.

- I got an idea on how to finish the next chapter of a fic. Completely unrelated to water parks though. Just got spontaneous inspo.

- One of the water slides have different light settings that also plays music, and one of the settings was called ”pink parade” or something, and I started to think about the song ”Pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows”. This led me down a memory of when a friend of mine got her period for the first time, and our other friend got so excited for her that she went around singing ”RED fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows” (red because period ig). She also continued doing this all day, we were quiet in the middle of class and suddenly we hear her lean in and WHISPER-SING ”Red fluffy unicorns…”

- One time we had swim class in school, and afterwards we texted our male friend and told him to not wait for us, as we’d probably take a long time changing clothes, shower, etc. And he was like ”it’s fine. I can hear everything you say from inside, so I’m very entertained”. We all became dead silent because we had just spent the nearest half hour discussing… I don’t know exactly what we discussed but it was most likely puberty and body related, most likely also sex related. We were like 15 and dirty jokes was very funny.

- We had a life saving swim class in 9th grade, and my ”red fluffy unicorns” friend did not want to have anyone as a life saving partner except for me, because ”it wouldn’t be gay if she did it on me” (note: life saving in water was just pulling the person up from the water and make them lie sideways. There was no mouth-to-mouth, we learned that on a doll in another class.)

Some more context… we were four people in a friend group, 3 girls and 1 boy. She didn’t want to practice it on the boy because ”he’d get the wrong idea” and she had a crush on the other girl and wanted to hide this so she REFUSED to do intimate activities with her. And thus, because I was the only one she was comfortable with, ”it wasn’t gay” if she had to pull me up from the pool… I have so many stories about this girl she’s probably the most odd but interesting person I’ve met

[aaaarsonist]

I'm totally and completely obsessed with Conan Grey's newest album and I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND HOW NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT?????

Not just because the album is a fucking masterpiece, or because every song slaps, or because I'm in love with Conan's improvement (HIS VOLCALS OMFG), but because of the fanfic potential.

I'mma leave some fragments of different songs so you understand what I'm talking about.

Shout-out to my soulmate for making me listen to the album <3

There's a God in the sky, don't believe him

Don't be scared, little child, you're no demon

Don't be scared, little child, of that feeling

You're in love, you found heaven

Found Heaven

First, I'll say: I apologize for calling

But I saw your face in a magazine today

Wasn't you, too late

All my tears already falling

Tried to turn the page

But our story wasn't stopping

Never ending song

Dark room, not a whisper, a word

Guess you take all the pain that you think you deserve

Won't sleep 'cause it's easy to hurt tonight, tonight

(…)

White lies from the passenger seat

Say you love me for life, say you'll never leave

Kiss me 'til I almost believe, tonight

Fainted love

We'rе lonely dancers

Join me for thе night

We're lonely dancers, baby

Dance with me so we don't cry

We're lonely dancers

There's no need to hide

I know the answer, baby

Dance with me so we don't cry

(…)

Your lover left you, broke up tonight

My lover's busy kissing other guys, oh

We're both alone now, tears in our eyes

I know the perfect way to waste our time

Lonely dancers

You wrapped your fingers around my neck

And pulled me into your desperate breath

The way you kissed me hot and fast

I knew it'd be the last

(…)

I waited all year at your feet

Like, maybe you'd love me

(…)

And I thanked God to touch the flame

'Cause I swore necks were made for bruising

I swore lips were made for lies

And I thought if you'd ever leave me

That I'd be the reason why

And I don't even care if it's just a summer fling

If it's all experimental and you go back to safer things

But I swore hands were made for fighting

I swore eyes were made to cry

But you're the first person that I've seen

Who's proven that might be a lie

Alley Rose

I believed your lies

Tried to bite back, but I couldn't

I just stood and cried

For the lost time, for the hurtin'

For the love that died

(…)

But all I wanted was the final fight

And all I needed was to make it right

Tonight, there's nothing left to do

But finally tell you what you put me through

(…)

Made a whole new life

I got a bit of distance

Saw the New York lights

And I came right back after growin'

Yet you're still the same

Though it's me who may be broken

It was you to blame

The final fight

The fear of love is my tendency

But I feel it, believe it

I never meant to break your heart

But I lost it like a promise

And left you dancin' in the dark

Miss you

And after all this time, I wonder why you're still with me

Well, at least in all my memories

(…)

You are the reason I learned to love

Also the reason that I cry

Still, I think of all the bloodshed, somehow bittersweet

I'm even smilin' now as I sing

Forever with me

I grab the keys, I scramble to the door

But then I, I hear your heartbeat bleedin' through the floor

The memories that I cannot ignore

Fight for my life inside a silent war

Eye of the night

He wants ya, he wants ya, you don't even see me

She wants ya, she wants ya, there's no point competing

He wants ya, she wants ya, like everyone else in your life

(…)

I want ya, I want ya, I want ya to need me

I need ya, I need ya, I need ya to love me

I want ya, I want ya, like everyone else here tonight

Boys & girls

So you take and you take 'cause you know you can

And I chase as you're chasin' another man

(…)

You're killing me

You're not makin' it easy

Too busy deceivin' and cheatin'

And lyin' and competin'

To know how lucky you are

You're killing me

I just want you to free me

And though I am cryin' and bleedin'

And barely breathin'

I can't let go of your heart

Killing me

Packed my bags at fourteen

I hadn't planned on leaving

But you haven't been back home for days

The pots and pans and roaches

They're glad I'm finally goin'

'Cause, even them, they shudder at your name

(…)

That all you ever want is to be right

Even if that means you gotta lie to do it

(…)

Bask inside your victory

My heart that once was beating

Bleeding in the palm of your hand

Yeah, you have the nerve to miss me

How do I somehow feel guilty

When you're the one who let it get this bad?

Winner

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Hi again! Still not a request for mini-prompts lol, but more songs. This time it’s specifically about Julian :)

I was listening to Will Wood while working on some art, and I didn’t realize how many songs remind me of him! I found some new favorites, so I thought I’d share them. Excuse the titles on these, some of them are really long ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ || CW for mentions of alcoholism, pills, sickness, death, and angst!!!

- Suburbia Overture / Greetings from Mary Bell Township! (Vampire) Culture / Love Me, Normally

The instrumental is so jaunty and jazzy that he’s the first character I thought of. The lyrics, not so much, but It’ll do. Will Wood has a pretty versatile voice, so I think it fits Julian!

- Love Me, Normally

The instrumental also fits that jazzy, dramatic vibe of his- and this time, the lyrics do too. These are ones that stuck out to me:

“Won't follow my dreams/ No, they've all got me waking up screaming / I drank myself to death to be the afterlife of the party/ When the afterparty came, I was rolling in my grave”

- Marsha, Thankk You for the Dialectics, but I Need You to Leave

This one makes me think about how it must have felt being locked in the dungeons during the plague. Valdemar mentioned in Julian’s route that he was a jokester (even though they have the worst sense of humor) who tried to keep the mood high as a way to cope with the situation. If anyone told me he didn’t lose a bit (a LOT) of himself down there I’d probably just laugh, because that was literally traumatic. These are the lyrics i’d quote to envision that:

“Cause back in my day we didn't need no feel-good pills and no psychiatrists / No, we just drank ourselves to death, and god damn it, we liked it”

“Who makes the call? What's a symptom, what's a flaw? / Can it be both? Well I suppose that's an answer / Would you give up your humanity for just a touch of sanity / Cause God knows it's not like it's cancer”

“And a little conformity never hurt nobody / But lately I've been worried that you're losing yourself / So how many milligrams of you are still left in there/ Cause back in my day we didn't need no feel-good pills and no psychiatrists”

- Laplace’s Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!)

This makes me think about his anxiety and depression concerning his supposed murder of Count Lucio. He’s made it clear that he really believes he’s guilty, awful, filthy and however else you would describe a murderer. He took the “truth” of his past and made it his identity.

“Have you ever died in a nightmare / Woke up surprised you hadn't earned your fate /Could you take a look at me / Am I bad, am I bad, am I bad, am I really that bad?”

“It doesn't take a killer to murder / It only takes a reason to kill / We've all got evidence of innocence, it's 'everything's coincidence' the / Difference twixt fate and free will is whether you're singing”

“So if you wash your hands of where you've been until you flood the second floor /Neatly fold your skeletons but still can't shut the closet door”

- Euthanasia

I can’t lie, this one made me cry a little bit. He definitely took the blame for MC catching the plague and dying from it under his watch. I started to feel second hand guilt. He knew there was nothing he could do to help us once we got really sick, and it hurt so bad. People say he would have a sort of sassy voice (picture Tulio from Road to El Dorado), and I agree! But imagining him singing this song just breaks me.

“Say you're not scared / That you know it's because I cared and / Say you know I love you, and that hope was just not there”

“And I know, I know that I'm wrong / That when you're gone, you're gone / And I can't bring you home/ But I want, I want to believe / That you'll remember me / When you're just memory”

“And every, everybody dies / Fighting for their lives / Just trying to survive / Well, now I know, I know why we say / That there's a better place /That waits beyond the grave”

That’s all I’ve got for now, and I’d like to hear other opinions on these songs too! This is just my personal analysis, and obviously I really love Julian enough to spend 2 hours doing this. I hope you like these as much as I do ^_^ Thanks for all you do, Brainrot!

@vegaspng you are not alone in thinking Will Wood songs fit Julian at all, I can't count the amount of songs that have been recommended for him by that artist and at this point it's halfway canon in my head XD

Thanks for breaking them down lyrics wise too! It's so cool to listen to songs the way other people do and share that common experience ^.^

I'm putting these on the playlist and the tag, thank you friend! :D

[inkaanki]

Letter buried in the backyard

why didn’t my father love me? why are his hand prints burned across me, when he never held me? why do my lovers suck their teeth at the sight of me when my lights are dim? why do I fall from so very high? why do some of them get lost forever looking for my worm? when will i shine in the sunlight and grow? where were my feathers, where were my fangs? how little i was. how does something come from nothing? or am i nothing just like him? was it like looking into a mirror, all black irises and silence? did you choose to name a shadow ‘daughter’? was I ever even yours? why is my heart so heavy when there’s nothing there? i wonder if you ever lie in bed wondering about me? i wonder if you wake in the middle of the night clutching your chest with my laughter ringing in your ears. i wonder if you go out walking in the night with my hair floating all around you? i wonder if the hush of early morning reminds you of my eyes? I wonder if an old picture of me wrinkles in the corner of your wallet. I wonder if an image of me hangs above the mantle in your mind. did you miss me everyday, watching my yards of black hair flying past? do you regret the things you never gave me? are there mountains of letters in a deposit box explaining everything? Will they make a difference?

you made me a painter, you gave me visions, you gave me sight beyond sight. you were my first blank canvas. will you die and never let me know? why didn’t you love me? why did i want you to? were you afraid you’d love me too much? Were you afraid you’d love yourself? Did you ever try? did I bury you, do you still hear me calling him daddy? It’s the most I ever told you. Do you hear it in the creaking floorboards and bird songs? Do you turn your head hoping its me? Do you stop strangers in the street thinking you’ve seen me? i hope you remember the timbre of my voice. did you want us to have the exact same wounds? why didn’t your father ever love you? Were you worthless and small? Did you cry yourself to sleep as your mother slept? Did you starve in plain sight? Did the wind beat your stomach like a drum? Did you feast on anyone who showed you the least bit of kindness? Did you scream when the blood on your skin turned cold? did you think of me while mopping floors and kneading dough? did a room of diners eat my love? Was there just never any left at the end of the day? We’re you a dying mule? Did you cross a river that licked up all my love before you came home? will i ever be healed? will i ever be released? will i ever stop cowering at bouquets of flowers? will i ever stop turning love to coins i can count? will i ever be able to open my palms without wincing? why didn’t you love me? why don’t you love me now?

you were my first broken promise. i wonder why you stayed to give us nothing. when will i be done hating you? didn’t you see how my arms hung just like yours? why am i so scared of you? why can’t i tell you all these things? am i afraid to know that you loved me all along and said nothing? am i afraid that there’s someone inside who still reaches across the years for you? is this how you planned it, so i would always think of you? 

[elanaspodstudiosem2]

Making for Crit

So following on from deciding to use my habit of controlled breathing to slow and calm myself down I thought I’d start my making process by doing some meditation. I found a 5 minute meditation on Spotify and then queued some gentle piano music after it so I wouldn’t get distracted by changing songs or anything. So I sat down in front of my blank canvases, closed my eyes and started with the meditation. It really helped me slow down, clear my mind and get into a really relaxed state. The gentle piano music started straight after and I slowly opened my eyes, looking at my canvas and started drawing with pencil on it. Playing the piano music helped to keep me in a relaxed state of mind while I drew and painted. I first used a pencil and drew on both canvases - just letting my mind and body draw what they wanted for however long, not overthinking anything. Once I was done with the pencil, I painted on top of it with some blue paint, again just painting what I felt in the moment. At one point I actually started crying haha… It was really weird, I’d just been so calm and it was all of a sudden really emotional. Interesting what comes out when I’m not over thinking everything. I think I just felt really safe in that moment and felt safe and content enough to put any feelings onto the canvas. Once I had finished drawing and painting, I sat back and looked at the canvases for a minute slowly coming out of the state I’d been in, before stopping the music and finishing.

I did the paintings in my room this first time - I felt like it was something personal that I wanted to explore privately first and I’m glad I did. The meditation was such an interesting exploration and I’m so glad I did it. It’s going to be part of my making process every time now.

Once the paint had dried, I drew over some parts of it with pencil again before ‘glazing’ it / covering it with the watery white paint. At first I did it with the painting sitting up but I found it was easier with the second one to lie it down on the floor and then pour the white paint mixture over the top of it and then spread it however I wished to with my hands. The white paint mixture did dry a little bit more transparent than I had hoped but I still really love the layering/covering effect and think the final outcome is really cool.