#this took like a solid hour to write out wow. I should really get some sleep.

[scoups4lyfe]

Journal Entries of Bipolar sh*t compiled to Show the Mind of Someone with BP:

[Entries from my mood journals:] 

TW: Mental Health

These entries are personal, I wrote them as I was going through whatever I end up writing about, I took out any personal details so it reads like ANON.

[Next]

Energy Levels: 

July 15th 2020: 

Questionable levels of energy. Went to bed at 9am and woke up at 6pm. Just really tired, I feel just,,,, exhausted in an empty almost depressive kind of way. Could a depressive episode be looming on the horizon? Conversely, however, my energy has been pretty high the last three-four days at least. I’ve been somewhat motivated, getting work done, and also having major problems with insomnia that really kind of came out of nowhere. That’s why I couldn’t fall asleep until 9am last night. (Though my time blindness when doing things I enjoy certainly doesn’t help.)

July 16th 2020: 

(went to bed at 9am, awoke at 7pm)

Another feeling of low energy. I’d rate it about 3.5/10 (5 being normal.) Mood wise, I'm in a rather neutral mood, though I’m starting to worry that it’s getting more and more apathetic. (Especially when I’m dehydrated.) 

Executive dysfunction is rearing its ugly head. It’s hard for me to do things, I kinda want to curl into a ball and do nothing for great periods of time. I find it hard to really be motivated or to make myself WANT to look nice when I see my friend tomorrow. It’s actually kind of worrying, but my overall mood (as I said) is still pretty neutral. 

July 17th, 2020: A solid 3/10 

(Bed @ 7/8-ish am. Woke at 1:09pm to go to a friend’s.) 

I just feel tired and kinda zen, not gonna lie. Like relaxed and ready to slip into unconsciousness at any moment. Not necessarily as apathetic as yesterday, but that could be because I am around my good friend, and being around my good friends makes me happy, distracted, and more energized, even with barely any sleep.

July 18th 2020: 

Bed time:  Close to 11:30 pm Wake Up: Close to 9am. (Like 8:40 am or something) 

A solid 2.2/10 

I’ve had low energy for a bit now and I know it’s starting to roll into my apathetic depressions. Today [friend] wanted me to go to the gym/pool with [them] and I was REALLY not feeling it, but [they] were  gungho for it and were talking about it like it was already going to be a done-deal. This kinda soured me because I really do not want to move around much when I’m like this and I ESPECIALLY did not want to go to the pool—  I knew I’d be the only one in the pool, alone, because I didn’t bring shoes so I either had to wait horrendously by myself in the locker room or pool it out alone until someone joined me after their workout.

I DID feel great when I stepped into that lukewarm shower before having to get into the pool, but like, WOAH MAN, I got super apathetic, I contemplated just staying in the shower for an hour and like hOO wow. Not great. 0/10 would not recommend. 

I did actually enjoy the pool though and after about 15 minutes of [friend] joining me I began to go back to a more neutral state of mind, so that was good. 

When we went to the mall it was fun too, but for some reason (I can’t even explain why) I hit a low— low, and started to second-guess everything (even my friendship with them) and wondered if I should never talk or see them ever again from then on. It was really melodramatic and I don’t even know why I thought about it for a minute there. After a few minutes I was snapped back to normal by hanging out with my friends and then I was kinda okay again. 

Emotionally (when I’m not feeling low energy/apathetic/empty AF) I feel on the verge of just breaking down into tears and laughing like a maniac.

July 24th

Bed: 9pm-ish  Woke: 5am 

Energy: 4-ish (Maybe even a bit more of a 3.5 rn) 

These last few days have been a blur tbh. I went on a webtoon-reading, what-music-was-I-listening-to-in-middle-school binge these last couple of days and so I remember not much. The hyper focus really had me there lol. 

July 28th 2020: 

Bed: 1:15 am Woke: 6:30 am 

Mood: When I was awake earlier and reading, about a 3. RIGHT NOW??? 1.5/10 and quickly approaching a meltdown. 

I am SO SO tired and almost about to have an emotional breakdown for no reason. I have no idea where this is coming from but I am going to tuck into bed and disappear from existence because I need to sleep for 19hrs or I WILL throw a fit. 

**Some notes for July 28th. I tried to sleep at 7/8pm because I felt an incoming meltdown. But then I was suddenly wide awake? Like my energy was at a 7 while my mood was at a 0.5. Basically, not fun, would never repeat again. 

July 31st, 2020: 

Bed: Around midnight/1 am woke: 3pm. 

Energy: 4/10

I don’t know why I slept for so long, but I def. could have slept longer. In fact most of the day I felt kind of bleh. 

Not terrible enough to lie down but also not normal-normal. 

August 26th, 2020: 

Woke: 7pm Slept: 9/10am 

Mood: 4.5/10 

In general I’ve felt fine. Not as exhausted, and definitely  in a good mood. Maybe it’s because I’m purposefully taking it easy while still trying to accomplish the small things. Ahhhh I feel so accomplished, yo!!!

But just as a general warning, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to stay optimistic. (Hopefully for a long time.) I just feel the depressive episode on the horizon. For now, I’m doing self care so that I can fight  it off, but hopefully it won’t be “only a matter of time.” 

Thursday — September 17th, 2020: 

Slept: 1am woke: 7:30am 

Mood: 5/10 ENERGY: 2.5/10 

Though I’m in a pretty genial mood, I just feel so tired. Which makes no sense because yesterday I woke up at like 7pm and went to bed at 1am. So WHAT TF bro. I’ve just been lying in my bed all day because that’s like the only way I feel somewhat decent. 

Kinda want to take a nap but I know that’ll do me absolutely no good whatsoever, so I’m gonna stay awake and try to be as productive as I can be when I’m lying down in a horizontal position.

[Journal Entry] 

“Saturday: October 10th, 2020 —  Around Night

Right now I feel invincible. Like I can write and capture that perfect melody. Pen to paper. Pencil to sketchbook. For this moment, just right now, I feel as if I could do anything, and that makes me so, so, happy. 

Today is a happy day, which is made funnier or perhaps more ironic by the fact that I didn’t even want to wake up today. [Which I did, begrudgingly, at 6pm-ish.] 

The tides really do come and go. So never feel too down. At some point you’ll feel like this again. The cogs keep turning and life goes on. 

Mood: 10/10 Energy: 10/10.”

[End quote] 

...

“October 13th, 2020 — Tuesday, 10:45 AM. 

So many thoughts have taken travels in my hand. Today I feel invincible again. Much like I did in the last entry. I have been an unfortunate disappointment to my family, though. My energy, motivation, and time has been entangled lately. Entangled deep into my mind, my media, and the interests I partake in: The Void ™. 

Therefore I haven’t been of much help, entertainment, or enjoyment for my loved ones. Last Sunday our relatives gathered at our house to celebrate [my brother's] birthday. Yet I stayed in bed. I did not celebrate with them, and ignored their asks of me. I’m quite disappointed in myself for being this way. I can only strive to be better. I may not have been energetic or involved these last few days, but I feel much better now that I’ve gotten rest. 

Though I’ll always be fighting with that void that distracts and captures my attentions, I won’t let these strings choke me.” [End Quote] 

…

October 18th 2020:

Slept: 10am Woke: 4am

Mood:2.5/10. Energy:2/10

I just feel very anxious (like pit of nervous energy going 100mph in my stomach) anxious. I’m gonna try and nap the wired energy off cause it’s making me panicked 

[Journal Entry] 

“October 18th, 2020 — Sunday, 3:46 AM

I’ve gone and slept all of saturday. But hopefully this will fix my sleep schedule. I’m also (not quite anxious, but I know the tension is there, rising, ready to explode on the horizon. Already it’s October 18th, and yet it feels as if I’ve accomplished nothing. And perhaps I haven’t.”

[End quote] 

…

“October 24th, 2020 — Saturday, 9:55 PM.

At the beginning of this page I felt indescribable emotion fill me. Everything was pointless. I’d forgotten how to fly and instead remembered how to nap. For a singular moment I wanted to sleep into nonexistence. I wanted to cry, too. But mostly, I was just tired. I could do nothing but sit and want to sleep, and I had not even the strength or energy to loathe myself for this. So I decided to scrapbook instead and then maybe sleep after I’d written all this leak in me from pen to paper. But in the (time it)  took for me to design the page I fell out of my emotional range. Instead I felt calm. Pacified. Silly, isn’t it? I’m supposed to edit today and tomorrow, but I’ve let today slip away. 

I’ve also eaten too much again. I feel sick. Like I’m eating as much as I can before a hibernation. Does my body feel a depressive episode coming before I do? Is that it? Or is my overeating and lack of control leading me into a spiral? I shouldn’t be feeling like this. So much anxious, emotional energy. I’m wired as shit and I hate this jittery-ness. 

It’s suffocating. Like a snake’s wrapped itself over me and keeps constricting, tighter, and tighter, and tighter, till there’s nothing left.”

[End of entry] 

…

“November 10, 2020 — Tuesday 

Pros: I watched lupinranger like 3 times in the span of 3 days. 

Cons: I watched lupinranger like 3 times in the span of 3 days.”

[End Quote] 

[Around 3 month time skip]

[Sunday, February 28th, 2021 — 2:04 AM] 

“I’m treading water. Another month passes. Hopefully I’ll make all I can of this last day. I walked some, but I still haven’t reached my desired destination. Guess I have no choice but to keep going! Everything has a time. I can only continue trying. That’s all I can do. To quit is to have nothing for myself, not even dreams. ‘Being confident that he who began a good work in you will carry on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.’ (-Something Phillipians.) 

I dream of many things. I pray that March gives me what I need. Please be here with me, hold my hand in these times and keep me close in your thoughts. I’m trying. I’m always trying. Day by day, hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute. I can’t do this alone. (I wish I could.) My brain is so easily distracted and it’s hard to get by even doing things I joy. I wish I had something that could force me to function. All I have is myself.  

One day I won’t just be writing dreams with no evidence. Every step is part of the journey (even if it doesn’t feel like it.) So thank you for walking with me. I don’t have the strength to do this alone. Please, please hold my hand through the anxieties and whisper that it’ll be alright. I’m blindfolded, and I’m walking on a tightrope, and I need you to tell me when and how to jump so that I’ll land in the net. I’m blind but I’m listening. September 30th feels a lightyear away. It’s hard to forget the lack when you’re faced with it everyday. And I’m unsure. Please tell me that it’s worth it. Please. Please help me. Please. Please lead me. Please help me.” 

[End of entry.]

Part: [1], [2], [3], [4]

This is the first part of the journal entries, I'll be uploading another compilation after each newly posted PPT essay.

Bipolar PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6]

Visuals of depressive episodes: (1), (2)

PPT Essay Extras: (1), (2), (3)

[Next]

[declanfs]

December 3, 2023

Wow. So I spent a week in Oregon with titi Nelle and Zeke. I had a wonderful and amazing time, and I missed you so much! You had lots of fun with dads and stayed with granny and pa for 2 nights, and I think overall it was really good for both of us. I got some perspective on how I am my own person still, in addition to being your mom. I think you got even closer to dada and it seems like you want him for certain things and want me for other things and that’s great and how it should be. A year ago, this would have crushed me because you were my whole world and everything I did revolved around you as the son and sun of my solar system. I love you more than I ever have and this trip was really important to realize that we can love each other more than ever and also love other people more than ever and also do things with other people and our connection is rock solid. You know I love you forever and always, no matter what and nothing can shake that. In your words “you’re my best.” You’ve been telling me I’m your best boy and I remind you that I’m a girl and so I think your solution has been to jokingly call me your best boy because it’s funny and you’re a jokester, or when you’re serious and sleepy, you just say “you’re my best.” But also make sure to say how dada and Bella and kreacher and granny and pa and jt and Ryan and auntie Koko are your best. You have lots of love and are so loved.

Okay, but I wanted to engrave the memory of you at the airport into my brain forever. I was so so so excited to see you and dada after a whole week so I was racing up the escalator, my heart beating so hard and just feeling so much love and happiness knowing I would see you any moment. We met up at baggage claim 3 and I think we kind of spotted each other at the same time. I took my mask off and smiled and the look on your face was filled with so much love I could have cried. You were smiling but also trying not to smile and maybe also trying not to cry, I’m guessing just because of the flood of emotions that happens when you see someone you love after time apart. I crouched down and put out my arms hoping you’d run to me and I heard dada say “go get her,” and you’re little prancing run to me was all goofy footed and gallopy. Once you got to me, I scooped you up and hugged you so tight and you just melted into me. You didn’t let go for definitely over a minute, maybe 2, so I walked over to dads and just kept squeezing you so big. Declan, you are my best. I hope you feel it in our hugs and gentleness together, and see it in the way I look at you. I hope you hear it in my voice and in your internal monologue and in these words I’m writing to you. My love for you is so big. You are just 2.5 at this point, and I already love the person you are becoming and whoever you will become. No matter what.

In other news, we went to two birthday parties yesterday. Alex (3) and auntie Koko. For auntie Koko, we went to dinner at poco loco, then went to see the Christmas light show at meadow event park. You did an amazing job at dinner, being so patient and waiting in our booth. You had chips and salsa and rice and ice cream. You colored and played with the curtains and made your elephant raspberry sound. Then you watched blaze after probably 45 minutes. Really solid work for your 4th time eating in a restaurant!

At the light show, you got to sit in my lap for maybe an hour and a half in the car while we waited our turn to drive through and then for the actual show. While waiting, you helped my drive by yanking the steering wheel side to side and pushing all the buttons to turn on the windshield wipers and whatever you could reach. Then we turned on your nursery rhymes songs and it was so much fun singing them so loud with granny, auntie Koko, Ryan, and JT. you maybe liked that even more than the lights. You know all the words in the abc song now and you were so proud to sing it with your family. You were dancing and laughing and just were such a joy. You stuck your feet out the window and thought that was so funny. I wouldn’t change a single second, 10/10 night.

You kept saying you wanted to go back (meaning you wanted to sit in my lap), and JT was talking in his amazing British accent saying “we’re on another path now, we are going home,” like he was your fairy godfather or animal guide. So funny.

We visited pa and granny today. It’s wild that someday your foot might be as big as his and right now they’re literally half the size.

This is how I take a shower and take my time getting ready these days. You LOVE paw patrol and are basically a zombie if they go on tv. When it’s time to turn it off you will be sad for a minute but then we move on to something else. It’s been a tough thing to find balance.

Your shirt with moose and new rain boots. Size 3t shirt is a bit snug and size 9 boots fit well. 3t pants are too short depending on the style, but too big around the waist so we have to cinch them down. This is you saying “cheese.”

On the way home from the airport

Helping dada with his planks 😉

[lonespektr]

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER FIRST HORROR WATCH 2023 DOUBLE FEATURE

Violent Night (2022) & Bones and All (2022)

Violent Night

Ok ok ok it took a while to get my Internet to cooperate

Oh shizz that's actually Santa, i thought it was about a thief Maybe??

Omg i been watching the righteous gemstones and she's playing the same character

911?

Love sis hair

Lol amazon packages

The sleigh is cool

Actual coal

Diligent santa presentation

Lol he forgot

You didn't write a letter? Well who's fault is that?

Lol one way radio

I mean not a bad ploy if you know your kid

Mean to ddeer

Okay solid magic

That's right booo skim

Where's the goat milk

I like the leather outfit over what's it usually like .. velour velvet?

The matriarch is good

Luguizamo!

Revlers

KRAMPUS!

Lovely code names

She's got perfect cheekbones and they are making sure we see em

I knew he was asleep

Outfits and everything

Lol damn she just left her kids

Even her favorite granddaughter

Babe u sneaking out use your magic

They shorted him out as a drunk, could have maybe referenced that earlier

Aggressive stitching

Lol they ditched him

Everybody can fight like fa real fa real

Serious icicle oh it's a display

Cookie addict more than drink

Ooo writing maybe not consistent

Omg shit decorative work 🤣

Look at that table

Having trouble with exposition

That's a long way round to implicate U.S. imperialism

Fancy safe good set

The thieves costumes are killing me he really made them get dressed up

Nice gimmick i hope they keep doing it

Russian tat santa okay Celtic tat makes more sense

Kinda annoyed he can't hear her

I choose to blame his magic

This is a creative Christmas kills montage

I know it was going to be that radio but I'm annoyed it's not magic

He's got a scroll database which absolves him from being a peeper

Shove it up the borderline

I forgot they managed to kill the black guy first horror check ✔️

He's kinda perfect weight for this

I just realized they paired him with another kid (stranger things)

The audacity of WOW people have wow

Lol that's her fav whiskey she's rich i have a bottle of that

The parents don't the helpless thing with kids bugs me

Should they be able to access the bag?

Oh 😂 villian sob story

Super campy

Lol he already confessed

Magic tied to belief had three temporary believers

Lol how long did that take, hour long did they expect to get into the safe?

Lol PLOT TWIST

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Damn couldn't just get a job

🤣🤣🤣 wait the kid is actually smart

The mercenaries are head to toe covered up but there are womens voices

That's right ladies equality

The main heist crew also has 1? 2 women?

Respect the home alone references with an absolutely plausible rationale

Great amount of blood

Lol he wants to kill Christmas fa real fa real

Some of the stuff is silly/ lazy for no reason

Cornier ending than i thought v cute

Bones and all (2022)

I didn't know it was a period piece

ANDRE!

Very sapphic

Okay right to erotic cannibalism

I looked down earlier, i thought she got kicked in

Oof

Bailed

Birth certificate?

Whoa! Like your mother did

Oh the other way nm

There's clearly some political era they are referencing but idk

Okay not even 100bucks

Thought there was two

First murder 3 omg

So much andre i love it

What a creeper

Omg it's full fantasy

I just thought she was an emotionally disturbed girl into cannibalism

It's full scale werewolf adjacent

Smell from miles off

Oh vinegar!

Does he have a discoloration too? Under his neck

No kill

The implication sites seem to be it's being on addiction

Aannd there's a serial killer trophies

The camera pan to the photos

Grandpa

That's smart

He can smell

3 then 8

I believed you had to

I watched to see if you looked sad

Hopefully she stole something from the house to sell

Typical boy shit

I hope he's a poser a wannabe but i don't think so

Nope

No one our age is new at this

That's quite young

The implication bring there are hella serial killers

Presumably this is supposed to be attractive and endearing

Another shower

No way she slept with the knife like that

No way he's a buck forty even

Itchy

Sympathy for the cows

No i think his is a scar

These kids are smart

Very romantic

Lol for a cop bit

Damn i wanted the poser to be the kid

What does she care

Creeping out again

The implications of that are clear

The future being a friend to yourself

Bailed

She came back

Day job

Creeper

Down

None of these people carry bleach

Kayla

Oh

Tasteful eating cut aways

Closer to sex addiction than drug addiction

I hate when films end on a cut of better times

Like ok but that's not what you just showed me

It feels like a cop out

I mean it reinforces the continued delusion

[noppythepon]

Octopath Traveler Review

I remember writing this one while really angry at the game:

Octopath Traveler is a lovely game with a genuinely fun battle system that plays around using the right moves at the right time to break your foe's defenses then go wild with attacks. It is very satisfying. The music is amazing as well! The stories are all basically their own thing so it feels like its actually 8 small jrpgs standing on top of each other in a trench coat. This isn't necessarily bad as the stories don't drag on longer than they should so you get plenty of good solid moments. Tressa's tale genuinely touched me and almost had me in tears as well as Olphilia's. Olberic's felt like a true epic from the days of Arthur, and even Alfyn's raised good philosophical points. On the downside characters never have meaningful interactions so despite having fun side banter that is easy to miss, they feel like they stay strangers. There is such a big disconnect between narrative and gameplay at times that its really jarring. 

There is also one REALLY big point where it fails. The balance is absolutely garbage at times. The game is made to be played by clearing all chap 1s, then 2s, 3s, 4s, and each town has a level recommendation. These are usually good. Unfortunately you at times have to go through areas that are significantly higher level than the quest recommends (go through level 30s area to get to level 20s quest). I got oneshot multiple times due to that. The biggest culprits are the bosses. Some are absolute push overs, and some are pure BS (Lunar Roar....). Not to mention the HP pools are awful. At the recommended level bosses took me 30-60 min. Some were genuinely a great 30-60min (Olberic's were fun) while others killed you inside (Primrose wtf is your final boss). Now there is an optional true end where you fight the most BS boss ever where you need a fairly specific party and strategy that eliminates almost all sense of freedom or experimentation and requires you investing an absurd amount of time (500k hp when highest before was around 300k). I refuse to give it another attempt after investing 2 hours in the actual fight after getting best gear. Now the other good point. The world feels lived in. There are plenty of small details to make the world come alive. I give it 8 BP out of 10 if you love jrpgs. If you don't love jrpgs then its a 2 BS bosses out of 10.

For the curious, I kept coming back and trying that boss and managed to win and WOW was it not worth it. I proved my gamer skill at least.

[moved-to-void-kissed]

..In attempting to answer asks, I have had a thought. It’s almost two o’clock in the morning, so it’s not a particularly coherent thought, but  it’s a thought nonetheless. Possibly multiple, in fact.

It also, in typical me fashion, ended up being comprised of a lot of rambling, so it’s gone under the readmore.

TLDR: trying to sort out the problem of Pavo being invisible, plus my attempts to explain how bits of DQIX work for those who don’t know the game

DQIX establishes that Celestrians (who are essentially your stereotypical “guardian angels”) cannot be seen by living humans - only by monsters, animals, and ghosts who have yet to pass on. However, it specifically seems to be their halos that give them this property, since when Corvus is recovering from his injuries in Wormwood Creek, he still has his wings and most of his powers (unlike the player, who loses pretty much everything Celestrian about them other than the ability to see ghosts), but is very much visible to the people of the town despite that. The only thing that’s not there is his halo (it’s there in the scene where Serena first finds him, but not in any of the ones after that, so it being there for that very first moment was probably an oversight).

Now, Pavo and Ardea are both Celestrians, but Ardea lost her wings and halo in the process of falling through the sky down to the world below after the Observatory was attacked. In the game, Pavo always resides in the Quester’s Rest, where she opens the Rapportal from - but, in my version of events (because canon can be whatever I make of it), she joins Ardea on an adventure across the Protectorate instead, in order to locate Aquila. There is perhaps a slightly-obvious problem in this, namely that - as a Celestrian - nobody other than Ardea would actually be able to see Pavo unless she had also lost her halo.

..The first solution that came to mind for how to somehow get Pavo to lose her halo is that her halo is the Rapportal. I think that might be a bit too silly though. My other thought is that Pavo loses her halo, or at least its ability to keep her hidden from mortal perception, because she has spent so long down in the Protectorate without returning to the Observatory, so it’s like her proper full powers and Celestrian aspects have waned or something?

Though, to my knowledge, it’s never actually made clear why Pavo remains in the Protectorate from a story perspective (the actual reason is just “so that you can always access multiplayer”), so.. it could even be that she’s a “fallen” Celestrian for some reason, just in a much lesser capacity than your typical evil fallen angel. She does talk about being the only one of the Celestrians to “dare to defy fate” or something by opening the Rapportal; maybe that act is why she is deemed as being “fallen”, therefore losing her halo (or at least some of its powers) and being rendered visible to mortals, and why she never returns or ascends to become a star.

(I’m also still not 100% sure whether I do actually want Ardea to lose her wings, because hello having wings is very very cool and would also suit the fact that she’s supposed to have very high agility. However, from a reasonable perspective of blending in with humans, it would definitely make more sense for her to lose them, especially since - unlike with Pavo, whose wings are viewed by mortals as a cape thanks to her own magic - Ardea can’t actually cast spells due to losing some of her powers.)

Anyway, I’m very tired and I spent a lot longer writing this out than I should have. ..I didn’t really end up getting to a particular point with it, either, but maybe if anyone figured out what I was trying to say (’cause I sure can’t .w.) then they’re welcome to comment on what they think.

Thank you to anyone who’s read all this, though, and  hopefully it makes at least some semblance of sense!

[shemarmooresfedora]

Sugary Sweet Apologies

Summary: You and Reid never really got along but when he saves your life, you decide to be the bigger person and thank him and hopefully start over. Unfortunately, it isn’t that easy.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Content/Warnings: light to mild angst with fluffy ending, swearing, spencer reid being an annoying bitch, brief mentions of case stuff (if you watch cm, you should be fine)

A/N: this is for @willowrose99 ‘s 1 year anniversary on tumblr writing challenge!! congrats! i literally wrote and edited this whole thing in less than one day because i got so excited, anyways i hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 1.8k

“Reid and Y/L/N, go to David Whitney’s house. He was the therapist of two of the three victims. He could have some insight into the victimology and know of any overlap between them. He has no criminal record of past aggressive behavior but we can’t rule him out as a suspect entirely,” Hotch stated.

“Hotch, you stuck me with her yesterday for the geographical profiling. Send Prentiss with her instead,” Spencer whined.

“I don’t mind going with Y/L/N. She is a great partner in the field,” Emily glared at Spencer.

“No. Reid, go with Y/L/N or be taken off this case. I’m a unit chief, not an elementary school teacher. I don’t have time for temper tantrums,” Hotch chided.

“Fine,” Spencer grumbled as you grabbed the keys to an SUV.

You don’t know what it was but ever since you started at the BAU four months ago, Spencer had never liked you which resulted in you disliking him as well. Everyone else on the team was super friendly and welcoming but Reid always was jabbing snarky remarks your way like “I don’t have time to explain it to you” or “This was in the FBI handbook. God, you need more training.”

Luckily, the others were quick to defend you. Once Garcia even heard him snip at you over the phone and as soon as you all got off the elevator after the case, Reid was being dragged by his ear into Garcia’s lair with him going “ow ow ow” behind her. So, you didn’t really pay much mind to him because you could deal with one annoying know-it-all to have such an amazing job with great coworkers minus the one.

“Look, I’m not happy about this either,” you said as you climbed into the driver’s side of the SUV, “But at least I’m not being a whiny bitch about it and being rude to the other person’s face.”

“Oh wow, I’m so sorry that I hurt your feelings,” Spencer mocked.

“Fuck you, Reid,” you shook your head.

-

David Whitney was on edge the second you arrived and showed him your badges. He was bouncing his leg up and down, he couldn’t sit still, and he kept avoiding eye contact.

He knew way too much about the other victim that wasn’t even one of his clients but you didn’t have anything solid on him. His house seemed very neat so you doubted he kept anything incriminating here. Organized offenders usually have a secondary location. So, you decided to push his buttons a little.

“I mean blitz attacks, leaving the bodies on the side of dirt roads,” you combed through the crime scene photos, “This guy was a real coward.”

Spencer picked up on what you were trying to do and his eyes widened, he was subtly shaking his head and mouthing “no”.

“Excuse me?” David asked.

“Well, I’m just saying a real man wouldn’t cower in the bushes and blindside a woman. He must not be very strong,” you stated, “He probably can’t even get it up.”

Before you even had time to react, David pulled out a switchblade knife from inside the couch cushions and put you in a chokehold, pressing the cool metal up to your throat. You closed your eyes tightly.

“David, you don’t have to do this,” Spencer stood with his gun pointed at you both.

“This bitch insulted me,” he snarled.

“She insults me too. That doesn’t make you any less of a man,” Spencer spoke carefully, “Just put the knife down and I’ll escort you out.”

David sighed, dropping the knife to the floor and releasing you.

Spencer put David in handcuffs and walked him outside as reinforcements came running in.

“Are you okay, Y/L/N?” Hotch asked.

“Yep, a little shaken up but fine. Thank you,” you stood.

“Let’s get you to the medics,” Morgan grabbed your arm to support you as you walked over to the ambulance.

Spencer never checked on you.

-

You knew your decision in the field was a little rash and you wanted to thank Spencer for essentially saving your life.

However, there was no way in hell you could verbally get out an apology while staring at his smug face, but you could bake. You settled on a note tucked inside a tupperware container of your Grandma’s special recipe of chocolate chip cookies. It was a good peace offering, maybe even a chance to start fresh.

During your lunch break, you took the tupperware from your desk drawer and approached the break room where Reid had entered about 5 minutes ago.

“I’m just saying I could not have been more clear in my message to her that it was too dangerous but of course, Y/L/N didn’t listen cause Y/L/N is going to do whatever she feels like,” Spencer stirred his coffee.

No one had noticed you standing in the doorway yet.

“Reid, you’ve got to be nicer to her. She earned her spot here just like the rest of us,” Emily defended you.

“Did she though? How much do we really know about her? She couldn’t even tell me how many pages the FBI protocol manual was,” Spencer said.

“That’s not a normal thing people know,” Morgan retorted.

“Well, I’m just saying the team was perfectly fine before her and it would probably be better off if she left,” Reid finished.

Garcia looked up from her yogurt to see you standing there, “Oh, Y/N”.

Spencer turned around in his chair as you angrily stormed up to him.

“Here’s your cookies, asshole,” you seethed, grabbing the note from inside and crumpling it up into a little ball and tossing it into the trash.

“Y/N!” Emily called after you but you were already gone.

The whole team glared at Spencer and picked up their lunches, leaving him alone at the table.

Spencer retrieved the balled up paper from the trash, having to fish through Rossi’s week old pasta and Anderson’s half eaten tuna fish sandwich.

Dear Reid,

Thank you for saving my life, I guess. These are my Grandma’s secret recipe for chocolate chip cookies so I hope you enjoy. I think we got off on the wrong foot and I would like to start over. I think cases would be a lot less miserable for everyone if we got along.

Thanks again,

Y/L/N

Spencer, you’re such an idiot, he thought to himself.

You never came back after your lunch break ended and Derek made Spencer go tell Hotch why it’s his fault you were missing the rest of the day.

He tried to call you multiple times but they always rang out before going to voicemail.

Spencer hesitantly knocked on Penelope’s door at the end of the day.

“Is she okay?” he asked softly.

“You don’t get to ask that as the person who hurt her in the first place. Also, she told me to tell you that don’t you dare go to her apartment to ‘check on her’. I’m headed over there myself actually,” Penelope collected her things and shut off her monitors.

“Will you at least tell her I’m really sorry?” Spencer followed her to the elevator.

“Absolutely not. I’m not doing any apologizing on your behalf,” Penelope huffed as the elevators shut.

-

You came in the next morning, keeping your head down. You grabbed a pen from your cup holder and the first folder on your stack before getting to work.

You were on the second page of the file when your clean, empty tupperware was placed in front of you plus another baking dish with aluminum foil over the top.

You glanced up to see Spencer guiltily looking down at you and you returned your eyes back to the file.

“I-I made you cinnamon rolls,” Spencer broke the silence.

“Are they poisoned?” you asked, not sparing him another glance.

“No, they’re not poisoned,” he assured you.

“I’m just saying how can I trust you as you have made it very apparent you would like me off this team.”

“I didn’t mean that,” Spencer was quick to reply.

“Then why the hell did you say it, Reid?” you slammed your pen down.

You grabbed your empty coffee mug and briskly walked to the break room but unfortunately, Spencer was right behind you.

“I didn’t eat any of your cookies by the way. Not that I didn’t want to but I felt like I didn’t deserve them so I handed them out to everyone else.”

“Oh how kind, taking credit for my work,” you tried to close the door in his face.

“I told them that they were from you,” Spencer insisted.

You rolled your eyes as Spencer grabbed the coffee pot before you could get to it, pouring your mug of coffee for you.

“What do you want from me, Reid?” you asked defeatedly.

“I want you to try a cinnamon roll and let me explain.”

“Fine but only because I didn’t have breakfast yet and I want to critique your baking skills,” you huffed, walking back to your desk.

Spencer gingerly placed one of the sticky frosting-coated rolls on a napkin and pushed it towards you. You tentatively bit into it. Damn it, it was actually delicious.

“It’s okay,” you understated.

You knew Spencer hardly ever used his kitchen let alone be up baking all night. He even chose a recipe that required more time and effort because the yeast dough would have to rise for a few hours.

“That’s good. The first batch didn’t come out as great...or the second,” he smiled softly.

“Well, the floor is all yours, Reid. Please explain to me why you talk shit about me to my co-workers when I’m in the other room,” you leaned back in your chair and crossed your arms.

Spencer muttered something incoherent.

“I have to hear the apology, you know,” you said, enjoying watching him uncomfortable.

“You’re intimidating to me because you’re intelligent, beautiful, and courageous. I think I was a little jealous that my spotlight as the ‘kid’ of the BAU was coming to an end so I said some harsh, completely untrue things and I’m sincerely sorry.”

“Oh my god,” you smirked, “Hotch was right, you are an elementary school kid.”

“In what way?” he curiously asked.

“You like me like like like me. You don’t know how to talk to the girl so you pull her pigtails on the playground,” you giggled.

“I take it back. You’re a horrible profiler,” Spencer was getting up from his seat, completely flustered.

“Awww,” you were laughing at Spencer’s bright red face as he went to go to the break room to fill his coffee mug.

When he got back to his desk, a sticky note was placed front and center.

In typical elementary school fashion…

Will you go get coffee with me?

Check:

Yes

or

No

Spencer smiled before picking up his pen and checking one of the boxes, crumpling the sticky note up into a ball and throwing it over to your desk.

“Good choice. See you Saturday at 9 at the cafe down the street,” you grinned.

“It’s a date,” he smiled.

[lillywillow]

For Heart or For Country

Summary: “You’re in line to be the next ruler of your kingdom. But first, you must marry the young ruler of your worst enemy. Would you risk all of your happiness for the sake of stopping a war? Or will you find true love in the town’s pub?”

 Word Count: 3089

 Pairings: Natasha x gender neutral Reader/ gender neutral Loki X Reader (arranged)

 Warnings: Seductive Nat, arranged marriage

Written for @caplanbuckybarnes ‘s writing challenge. Go check out her amazing works!

From the moment you were born, you were destined to take over from your father. You spent countless hours in lessons learning how to be ruler of the kingdom, been taught everything from politics to art, sword fighting to etiquette. Long story short, everything you needed to take the throne and face the challenges that came with wearing the crown.

 For years, the kingdom had been at war but recently there was at last a chance for peace but it came with a cost... an arranged marriage. You weren’t so sure about it but if it meant your people being safe, you would sacrifice your own happiness.

 Ever since your father had made the announcement of your impending wedding, it had consumed your every thought. You hadn’t even met your betrothed and, yet, you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with them. You had watched the older servants with their spouses and to be honest with yourself it melted your heart. Even your father was a kind and gentle person when it came to your mother. With any luck, the person you were going to marry would be kind to you.

 Deciding you needed a distraction; you put on a disguise and managed to sneak out of the palace. Sure you could have gotten drunk in your room but where was the fun in that? You had crept out on a few occasions so you knew that the townsfolk knew how to party compared to those stuffy nobles.

From the moment you stepped inside the tavern named The Nest, the atmosphere was abuzz with excitement. The walls were decorated with purple fabric hangings, crossbows, longbows, arrows and other archery items. A taxidermy hawk was perched above the door, its eyes ever watching. A one eyed dog ran about the patrons, getting pats from some of them and cleaning up pieces of dropped food. People were dancing, singing and drinking, some leaning on each other for support as they swayed. To any other noble, the scene may have looked chaotic but to you, it only looked like fun.

 With a grin, you made your way over to the bar and took a seat. Still taking in your surroundings, you barely noticed when the sandy haired bartender stood in front of you.

 “What can I get you?”

 “Oh! Um...” You tried to think of something that would not give away your identity as a noble. The man raised an eyebrow at you.

 “Hey, Clint! Two boilermakers over here,” another patron called.

 The man whom you now know as Clint poured them the drinks and turned back to you.

 “So?”

 “I’ll have... o-one of those,” you said, making a feeble attempt to pound your fist on the counter in an attempt to fit in.

 Clint tilted his head and gave you a curious look.

 “Alright...”

 Clint made the boilermaker and placed it in front of you. Thanking him, you took a swig of the drink and felt instant misgivings about it as the alcohol burned not only your throat but your ears and the very pit of your stomach. Clint laughed as you coughed and spluttered.

 “You’re not from around here, are you?”

 “You... might say that,” you mumbled, wiping your mouth.

 “You picked the right night to come. Nat’s doing a show.”

 “Nat?”

 “Wow, you really aren’t from around here if you don’t know Natasha. Just watch,” he advised, nodding his head over to the stage.

 The stage was well lit and crowed around the edges by men and women who were eagerly waiting for whoever was about to appear from behind the purple curtains.

 Music began and a foot decorated with a silver anklet emerged. The audience cheered loudly as the woman behind her curtain slowly began to reveal herself. She wore a black piece of fabric around her upper body, twisted just a little in the centre of her chest. The bottom of her costume was made up of a red fabric front and back which started out solid but faded to transparent as it went down and held together by delicate chains. Silver cuffs adorned her upper arms and wrists. Her lips were painted sinfully crimson. Sparkly onyx hairpins held her red curls in place. She was absolutely stunning.

 The woman slowly began to sway her hips to the music, arms and feet poised. It was almost hypnotic in the way she moved. As the beat picked up, so did her dancing. One of the men near the front of the stage started to get a little carried away and tried to climb up.

 Fearing for the safety of the dancer, you tensed and shifted to help her but Clint placed a hand on your shoulder.

 “Easy. Nat can handle herself around these drunk idiots.”

 You watched as Nat placed her foot on the man’s cheek before kicking him off the stage. The crowd jeered and laughed at the man, some pouring their drinks on him. Despite the interruption, Nat continued her performance.

 Her face was calm and collected, never faltering, as the audience got more and more rowdy.

 Nat ended her performance by kneeling and giving a graceful bow. The throng of people got even more riled up as she headed back behind the curtain and before you knew it, a fight broke out. You could only sit on your barstool and laugh as the place erupted into bedlam. As a noble, the most you had ever witnessed people scuffle as a heated argument that never went beyond words and even then they never used the language you heard flying around the room. Sure, there was the battlefield but once again that was an entirely different situation.

 However, your humour was soon cut short as the royal guards walked in to break up the fight. You felt your heart sink to the bottom of your stomach.

 “You hiding from those guys?” Clint asked, not even fazed by the mayhem around him.

 “S-sorta...”

 Clint jumped over the bar and prompted you to follow him. You weren’t entirely sure what made you decide to trust a total stranger nonetheless, you followed his lead. As he walked along, he dodged all fists, tankards and bottles that flew his way. You did your best but still caught the occasional projectile to your body, taking great care not to let any hit your face lest there be questions tomorrow.

 He stopped to look around before opening a panel in the back wall, just big enough for you to squeeze out.

 “Follow the tunnel until the end. That’ll take you to the backstreets. Be fast. The guards will start patrolling the minute they break things up here. Just make sure you close the exit on the other side.” With that, Clint pushed you through the gap and closed the panel behind you.

 Just as he said, you followed the tunnel until the end, closing the door behind you and made your way through the backstreets until you had made it all the way home, fortunately without incident.

 As you got ready for bed that night, you couldn’t stop thinking about Nat. She was just so beautiful... Could this be just a crush? You had to know for certain.

...

 The following night, you once again crept out of the palace and back to The Nest and sat at the bar. The place was busy but nowhere near as packed as it was last night.

 “I see the guards failed to catch you,” Clint commented, making his way over to you.

 “Yeah... um... is Nat dancing again tonight by any chance?”

 Clint gave you a sly look.

 “She’s not dancing but she is working. Hey, Nat!”

 Your heart began to race as the red head walked over to you. Tonight she was wearing a black, off-the-shoulder dress with a red belt around her waist. Even outside of her dancing costume she was beautiful.

 “What?”

 “This is the one I was telling you about.”

 You felt panic seize in your chest. They were talking about you? What in the world could they have possibly been saying? Nat looked you up and down, carefully examining you before glancing over at Clint who gave an approving nod.

 “Let’s dance...”

 Before you could protest, Nat grabbed your hand and dragged you onto the dance floor. It was no surprise to you that she was just as graceful on her feet as she had been on stage. As you danced with her, you could feel her brushing her hands over your hips and waist. You found yourself surrendering to her touch. At the end of the song, Nat wrapped her arms around your shoulders and pressed her lips to your ear.

 “Tell me... what is a noble doing in a place like this?”

 You completely froze.

 “Wh-what makes you think...?”

 “Everything. From the way you dance, to your posture and your speech. So, answer my question.”

 “Is... is there somewhere private we can talk?”

 Nat lead you to the backroom after checking the coast was clear.

 “Now talk...”

 With a sigh, you removed your hood, showing her your face.

 “The heir to the throne,” she whispered reverently.

 You put your hood back on and looked down.

 “You should get out of here. Folks in these parts don’t take kindly to nobles, especially members of the royal family. What are you doing here anyway?”

 “I... I wanted to experience as much freedom as I could before I get married...”

 “So one last fling before finally settling down. How sweet.” Her voice positively dripped venom as she spoke.

 “It’s not like that!”

 “Then tell me what it is like...”

 With a sigh, you looked out the tiny window on the back wall that let in a sliver of moonlight.

 “Ever since I was young, I dreamed of having a perfect wedding with the perfect person I would spend the rest of my life with... but with this war, I’m to marry one of the children of the opposing kingdom as a token of peace... I don’t know what kind of person they are. If they’re good, maybe we could work together to fix some of the broken parts of the city and of course, I would help in their kingdom too but if they’re not a good person, well...”

 Nat was quiet for a few moments before finally speaking.

 “I really hate it when Clint is right,” she sighed.

 You turned to look at her.

 “Clint?”

 “You see, Clint has this innate sense of finding the good in people and helping them out. He helped me a few years back...”

 You held her hand, encouraging her to continue.

 “I was in a really bad place... did some really bad things... Clint helped me get out of it. Got me a job, a home... even made me partner. I owe a lot to him...”

 You couldn’t help but feel a small pang of jealousy for the man even though you knew it was completely irrational.

 “So you and he are...?”

 Nat shook her head.

 “We tried it once but it didn’t work out. We’re better off as friends.”

 You couldn’t help but feel a tiny sense of relief.

 “I would like to get to know you better... for however I have until my impending marriage. That is if you’ll let me.”

 “What about after?”

 “I’ll try and see you if I can... and if not; you can be my one who got away.”

 “That was... really cheesy,” she laughed.

 “I guess it was... but what do you say?”

 “On one condition; don’t make any promises you can’t or don’t intend to keep. I’ve been through enough of that in my lifetime.”

 “It’s a deal.”

...

 Over the next few weeks, you got to know Nat quite well. You knew everything about her and she knew everything about you and not just as future sovereign but as a person. Eventually the time came when the feuding royal family came to your kingdom, bringing with them your spouse to be.

 They introduced you to the youngest member of the family named Loki. Loki was about your age and attractive enough but in the short time you spent with Natasha, your heart purely belonged to her. Your respective fathers left you alone to bond, catching daggers in their backs from the glares from both you and Loki as they left.

 “They certainly can be civil when they want to be,” Loki sneered.

 “You got that right...”

 “You don’t really want to be married to me do you?”

 You thought carefully about how to answer.

 “I don’t even know you... but how else can we stop this war?”

 “I have been doing research on my end. If we can pool our resources, perhaps we can find how it began and how we can stop it. Shall we?”

 Loki offered a slender hand which you took.

 “We shall.”

...

 In the time leading up to your wedding, you and Loki spent every minute of the day together. To anyone else, it looked like a couple bonding and getting to know each other before your upcoming nuptials. To you and Loki, it was a mission; one to find out the truth and put an end to the war.

 Your nights were spent with Nat, talking about Loki and what else you could do to stop the fighting. There was one night you had crept in after seeing Nat and Loki had caught you and you thought for sure you were done for but instead, Loki covered for you. Loki was fully supportive of your relationship with Natasha and encouraged you to pursue her once this whole thing had blown over.

 Eventually it came time when your wedding was fast approaching. The night before the big event, you were of course with Natasha, wanting to spend as long as you could with each other before whatever happened tomorrow.

 “I promise you Nat, we will be together...”

 Nat teared up and shook her head.

 “Remember the deal you made, Y/N. You said you wouldn’t make promises you couldn’t keep...”

 “But I intend to keep this one...”

 “Just go!”

 Nat turned away so you couldn’t see her cry. You gently turned her back to you and kissed her softly. She kissed back, holding you tight as if she didn’t want to let you go. Eventually you had to break for air.

 “If... if this really is our last night together... then let’s make a memory that will last a lifetime...”

 With that, you kissed her again, this time with all the love and passion you could muster. It may have seemed scandalous to spend the night before your wedding with another but you wouldn’t give Nat away for the world.

...

 The following morning, you and Loki had set your plan into motion. The wedding started out like any other with guests arriving and people all taking their places. Your heart was hammering against your ribs and blood roared in your ears as the ceremony began. Loki remained calm and collected, keeping cool until the right moment.

 “If anyone has any objections as to why these two should not wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

 “We object,” both you and Loki said in unison. The whole room erupted into shock. Instantly, both Odin and your father rounded on the pair of you, absolutely seething.

 “Silence!” Loki snarled. The room fell quiet.

 “Now, the whole point of this wedding was to stop this ridiculous war. A war that was started over a futile reason...”

 Both you and Loki went to where you had hidden two ancient artefacts; one from your history and one from Asgard’s.

 “Many years ago, our kingdom was accused of taking this,” you said, holding the item up high.

 “But they were wrong. We had our own the whole time,” Loki stated, holding up the other.

 “Our two kingdoms went to war when they should have been joining forces as we were once centuries ago...”

 The pair of you combined the two items to show they fitted perfectly together.

 “We should be united once more. Let us put a stop to the fighting once and for all!”

 The gathering all cheered and rejoiced at the prospect of peace. Your fathers sat there sullenly while their wives attempted to gently comfort them. Loki gently turned to you.

 “Isn’t there someone you want to see?”

 With Loki’s blessing, you ran out of the church.

...

 Nat had been drowning her sorrows at The Nest. She had known this day was long coming but it didn’t stop the ache she felt in her heart from losing you to another. Clint did his best to try and comfort her but it wasn’t enough. She didn’t even look up when her name was called but eventually Clint did catch her attention.

 “What?!” she hissed. Clint pointed behind her to where you were standing still in your wedding clothes.

 “Y/N? What are you-” You cut her off with a kiss.

 “Loki and I did it. We were able to restore peace and we didn’t even have to get married. We can be together now...”

 “But I’m just a common barmaid. You’re going to take over the throne...”

 “And when I do, I can make whatever rule I want and marry whoever I want. I want to marry you one day Natasha... that is if you’ll have me...”

 “I...” Nat looked over to Clint who smiled and nodded. “Yes...”

...

 Over the next few weeks, you worked in tandem with Nat to fix the rough parts of the city, just as you had told her. There was a lot of gossip surrounding your relationship but neither of you cared. You had also made a point to stay in touch with Loki to find out how things were going in Asgard.

 After so many years of war, it was nice to finally see some happiness. Maybe in time, there would be a royal wedding after all. A real one out of love that was formed between two hearts that truly cared for one another.

[softluci]

aggressive affection (round two!)

[ part two of this, with the now dateables. guess which one(s) i have a crush on—i am actually so embarrassed because i'm getting shy trying to write this, but it's a must that i put this into the universe. if you want to read this first, rather than the one with the brothers, here is the preface: ] 

i’m not sure if this is something unique to younger people, but i am one hundred percent sure that younger people do it a lot, just going off of the behavior of my friends and i. (i’m gonna tell you now that this isn’t entirely sfw, so minors dni please and thank u)

but i’ve found that it’s pretty common for friends to be, like, aggressively affectionate with one another, for lack of a better phrase. if not aggressively affectionate, then just really flirtatious, often for no reason, and it is still meant entirely in a platonic sense. some examples of this that i have experienced include, but are not limited to:

“i’m gonna eat you,” “do u wanna make out,” “just remember, no matter WHAT happens, i will ALWAYS wanna make out with you,”  “i have literally wanted to fuck all of you at some point,” “let’s have sex,” “stfu before i kiss you,” [points to lap] “is this seat taken?” “every day i’m like, ‘wow, [name] is so cool, we should make out,’” and so on and so forth. 

so you can imagine the fun i’m about to have.

dia

you—why did you—look. 

dia is a very nice, social guy; very smiley, you guys get along great, that's great! 

he is still very much a demon (the prince of them, in fact)  and very much not one of your friends from the human world, no matter how much he wants you to treat him as such. 

you should've known better. 

he'd invited you to the castle for tea and a nice chat—a regular occurrence between the two of you so that he could see how you were doing, how the program was going, talk about lucifer, play catch up; nothing out of the ordinary. 

he complimented you on your performance thus far, telling you about how well you've done—which was just standard kindness—so would you like to explain to the class why your immediate response was, “so kiss me then,” ? 

he was totally fine with it, but he was also very confused, so it was only fair that he pulled you into his lap to get a better understanding of what you meant. if you do the math, it adds up, i swear. 

luckily, you don’t even have to explain yourself with this one because it seems like he already knows. this is good because, given his proximity to you at that moment, you wouldn’t have done a good job explaining yourself anyway. 

“is this how you talk to your human friends?” 

it was a simple question, with a simple answer, it’s just that you were nose-to-nose, and his eyes were hooded all of a sudden and his hand was cupping the side of your face so, naturally, you had some difficulty forming words—fortunately, you managed to nod instead of embarrassing yourself by trying to talk. 

“and do they ever do what you ask?” 

again, it would’ve been foolish of you to try and speak, so you just shook your head. you were doing a surprisingly nice job of maintaining your dignity, well done! this is nice compensation for the fact that you seemed to forget you were dealing with the demon of demons, but he was kind enough to remind you—

“well, i’m not one of them, so i’ll do as you say. you don’t mind, right?” 

do you have a saving grace with this man? meh. he doesn’t want to do anything in front of the others, but he can literally go somewhere private with you under the guise of wanting to talk. it’s not like anyone is gonna tell him he can’t. 

barbatos

you don’t make any sense. you watched black butler know that he’s the scariest person in the devildom, why did you think you could do this? he might be a menace not too far underneath that professional exterior, but that doesn’t mean you have to fuck around and find out. or maybe that’s exactly what that means. 

all he did was bring you tea. he saw you sitting in the castle’s library doing schoolwork—dia offered to let you study there to enjoy some quiet that you wouldn’t have gotten at the house, and because you aren’t one to forgo such a kind gesture, you accepted. 

he set it down on the table in front of you, much to your surprise. 

“oh, thank you! you really didn’t have to,” you said, looking up at him from your seat. 

“nonsense,” he started, smiling softly, “you’ve been working hard.”

you, for whatever reason, took this as an opportunity to pretend barbatos was one of your human friends. 

“you shouldn’t say that unless—” 

that’s all he let you say. what you were going to say was, “you shouldn’t say that unless you plan on making out with me.” trouble was, he already knew that. you must have forgotten who you were talking to. 

before you could finish, his hand was under your chin, and his other hand was resting on the arm of your chair, effectively caging you in, and effectively keeping you from looking away. 

his smile went from benevolent to teasing meaning you got the menace you wanted, as he asked,“unless what?” 

he took more joy in your flustered state than he would care to admit, but he’d recently learned that you had an affinity for trying to catch people off guard, so he thought it was more than fair to do the same to you—as a treat, for him. 

that said, it’s no surprise that you had to endure relentless teasing, him asking you what you wanted from him, why you were so shy all of a sudden, telling you not to be shy and that he wouldn’t bite, unless you asked nicely. what? he liked how warm your face made his hand. 

“what’s wrong? don’t you want to kiss me?” 

okay. that was the last straw. you never even hinted that you didn’t wanna kiss this man, and here he was, making assumptions about you as a person. 

you, in your infinite confidence and assertive nature, said, “i—i never said i didn’t want to.” 

and you know what, you really showed him because even though he laughed at you, even though he made a show of taking off his gloves, even though his hand moved from the arm of the chair to your thigh—even though he took every necessary step to remind you that he was in control, you still got what you wanted. and then some. 

your only saving grace with him is the fact that he breathes professionalism and he’s always busy. when he isn’t busy, however. well. 

simeon

you goddamn heathen. oh, you fucking freak. simeon has a reputation to uphold, you can’t treat him like one of your heathen little human friends, which means you can’t just say whatever pops into your head when you’re talking to him, which means—you should really learn to take compliments normally. 

simeon is a nice guy, and he likes you a lot, so it only makes sense that he compliments you whenever he can. in other words, he dishes out anywhere from one to four compliments whenever the two of you are together. he can’t help it, he just thinks you’re neat! 

the fact remains that you chose to be a menace to the angelic persona he is supposed to project at all times. 

it was a simple compliment. he enjoyed spending time with you, and he told you so, just telling you that your presence was a pleasant one. 

your response was actually normal—it was a simple, “i like being around you too!” 

in a way, this is simeon’s fault, if you think about it. he could’ve just said, “thank you,” and kept it pushing, but instead, he said, “really?”

why would he think you didn’t like being around him? that was unacceptable, so, really, what choice did you have but to give him the most solid affirmation he would ever hear? 

“of course! every day, i’m like, ‘wow, simeon is so cool, we should make out,’ you know?”

what you were expecting was for him to blush and laugh it off, call you silly, and maybe pat your head for good measure. that was a reasonable thing to expect, albeit that is not even close to what you got. 

since you were being so casual, simeon figured that he could—that he should—do the same. it was only natural that he stop being a model angel for a little while, right? 

oh, don’t look so flustered, it’s not like you’ve never been backed against a wall before. how many times has a demon done this to you? it’s only fair that an angel gets a turn. 

“actually,” he started, lips already brushing against yours as he spoke. “i don’t know. would you mind showing me?” 

if you are, understandably, too flustered to function, he will gladly make the first move, don’t worry, but if his first move happens to be taking your bottom lip between his teeth instead of kissing you, well… there’s not much you’re going to be able to do about it, so you may as well just enjoy. 

i mean, you tempt an angel, and you get what’s coming to you—that’s all there is to it. 

similar to barbatos, you will only be safe from this man when he’s in public or around a few of the others. if you’re alone with him and in private, he’s already under the impression that he doesn’t have to be an angel with you, so find joy in the side of him you’ve uncovered. 

solomon (derogatory)

you two deserve each other, really. both of you are public enemies. he was just as terrible as your friends from back home, except he was always walking the line like a tightrope. he was always on the verge of making his teasing into a reality, and to be quite frank, you were starting to get fed up—and you were right to be. but this is what you get for being a dirty solomon enjoyer. 

all of his empty threats and demands about kissing you, his lingering touches on your lower back or waist or thighs, his dumb little smirks on his dumb little face, his occasional bites wherever you were vulnerable, his habit of putting his hand around your throat for fun (or so he says)—those all came with the territory. he hasn’t had a friend to tease in ages (he can’t do it to asmo without it immediately turning into an hour long event), so you get it all at once, congratulations! 

don’t look so upset, he’s an attractive guy, so this is still a win. 

now, all of that said, you were hard pressed to find an opportunity to catch this man off guard, but once you got your chance, you latched onto it exactly as you should’ve. 

the two of you were in his room, studying (“studying”) for an upcoming exam. he was sitting in a chair, and you were on his bed a few feet away. you needed something from your bag, which was on the side of his chair farthest from you, so you decided to walk by him to get it, like a normal person. look at you, acting regular for once.

evidently, that was a mistake. as soon as you were in front of him, his hand was on your waist, and you were pulled into his lap. 

you turned to look at him, eyebrows raised and everything, and he seemed to have an explanation ready to go, paired with one of his signature smiles.

“i was wondering when i’d get to bother you again.” 

this was your chance—probably the only chance you’d get in a while, so it made sense that you took this opportunity to be heinous, even though you were in a rather compromising position. 

“either sleep with me or leave me alone.”

you did it. for a moment, you had him. the surprise plastered on his face was enough gratification to last you a lifetime, however fleeting it may have been. unfortunately for you, he had a wonderful recovery time. 

before you could fully enjoy the look on his face, it was gone, replaced by a more sinister expression that almost made you regret your decision. 

for what it’s worth, you didn’t have to see that menacing look of his for long because he turned you away from him to press your back into his chest. if that makes you feel any better. 

“i’ll never leave you alone,” he hummed, teeth already grazing your neck. his hand moved from your waist to your inner thigh, slowly separating one leg from the other. “but you already knew that.” 

you didn’t have a saving grace with this man before, and now you never will.

[haikyuu-scenarios-drabbles]

Shower Friends (Miya Atsumu x F!reader)

The dorm you live in has co-ed bathrooms. Why that’s remotely a good idea is beyond you; and recently, your precious shower time is being interrupted by a certain blonde haired setter for the volleyball team. When he lies to his teammates that he has a girlfriend, somehow you get roped into his scheme.

genre(s): college!au, fake dating, angst, fluff, mutual pining, enemies to lovers (kinda), eventual smut (maybe)  words: 4.1k warnings: mentions of alcohol

a/n: im certified atsumu simp now 

taglist: @apollochjld @kurosarium @vicassa @carbs-need-more-love @underratedmage @idek-at-thispoint @wtfeverbrandi @food8me @yikes-buddy @ntimacy @nyxiie

| Chapter One |

Chapter Two

When you turn the corner to head towards the gym, Atsumu is already waiting for you. Determined to make this as convincing as possible, he slings an arm around your shoulders and you do a fantastic job of pressing yourself against his side, wrapping your own arm around his middle. You ignore the thought that he is comfortingly warm and very solid next you, reminding yourself you’re doing this for peaceful showers.

The two of you approach the gym and as if they were waiting for you, the entire team is standing at the entrance. A few of their brows raise, clearly surprised Atsumu wasn’t lying. Though some of them look suspicious, eyeing the two of you up and you prepare yourself for questions.

When you get within earshot, one of them shouts, “Wow Miya, we really thought you were lying!”

“Yeah! Why’ve you been hiding this beauty from us, huh?”

Before he can speak, for some reason you decide to take the blame, answering, “I was a little nervous to meet you all for a while.”

If Atsumu is surprised at all, he hides it, instead holding you a bit closer, his hand splaying across your opposite shoulder and gushing, “Cute, isn’t she?”

One of them who doesn’t seem convinced asks, “So how’d you meet?”

Now Atsumu takes the lead. “Funny story actually! We met in the bathroom! Her favorite shower stall is the one right next to mine, and we both like late night showers.”

You can’t help the frown that turns your lips downward. “He wouldn’t leave me alone,” you admit, making the members of the team smirk a little bit. “I swear, he’d wait around for me.”

“I did not!” He pouts, and it’s beginning to look like the more suspicious members are starting to believe you.

So, you go in for the kill. “Sure, you didn’t,” you smile, reaching up to press a chaste kiss to his cheek that you don’t give yourself time to think is okay or not. That seems to stun Atsumu, which is a feat in itself, but you don’t give anyone time to think anything of it as you give them a light wave goodbye and slip out of Atsumu’s arms. “It was nice meeting you all, but shouldn’t you get to practice? I’m sure I’ll be seeing you more often now!”

They give you parting waves, some of them just as stunned as Atsumu seems to be. On your way out, you risk a glance backwards and see them surround Atsumu, one of them pulling him into a headlock and ruffling his blonde locks while they all laugh and enter the gym. Atsumu grinning the widest of them all. You aren’t sure why, but you’re smiling too. Strangely glad to have helped him out.

His teammates encircle him, clapping him on the back and congratulating him, jokingly calling him a bastard for going and snagging a girl like that. He can’t help thinking the same. You shocked him with that kiss out of the blue, enough that he probably looked more lovestruck than shocked to his teammates. He’s impressed with your commitment to this charade.

Before he disappears into the gym, Atsumu takes one last look at you heading down the path. That went perfectly. And even though he knows he shouldn’t, he thinks about that small little kiss the entire practice.

The following days are absolute hell. You have to garner the courage to tell your roommate before word gets out because the rumor that Miya Atsumu finally has a girlfriend spreads like wildfire. She’s hurt at first, but like you suspect, she forgives you after you tell her how you and Atsumu met.

She seems to think the shower story is the most adorable thing she’s ever heard as her squeals of, “So cute!!” are loud enough you swear the entire floor must hear it.

Your daily routine changes, feeling like you have to peer around every corner in fear of the fan club waiting to ambush you. But after reluctantly disclosing that to Atsumu, you notice he makes a point to walk with you whenever he can. His arm wrapped around your shoulders and once when you actually do run in to the fan club, the glare he gives them is cold enough to ice over a lake and you’re pretty sure they won’t bother you even if Atsumu is absent.

Additionally, you and Atsumu start spending a lot more time together. You eat lunch with him almost every day, sometimes joined by a few members of the team, sometimes by your roommate, other times the two of you eat alone. And you’re beginning to find those are the days you like the most. The days when the two of you can just be without feeling the pressure to pretend.

“So does your brother still play volleyball?” You ask one day, curious why if they were such a powerhouse in high school why they didn’t continue that into college.

“I always liked volleyball just a little more than him.”

“He quit?”

Atsumu shrugs, shoving another mouthful of rice into his mouth. “He went to culinary school, always had a weird place in his heart for food.”

“And that was volleyball for you?”

He stares at you, unprepared for this barrage of questions. There was this strange familiarity growing between the two of you, and the more time he spends with you alone the more he feels like he knows you. It makes it easier to pretend for everyone else, but he’s starting to wonder if it’s making it harder for him to remember this is all pretend.

Before he can reply, you continue, “If you love volleyball so much, why aren’t you playing professionally then?”

His brows lift. “And how did yer pretty little ears hear about that?”

You roll your eyes, but definitely need to shove the feeling of embarrassment down to be able to admit, “My roommate told me.”

“Curious today, aren’tcha?”

You stiffen. “Well, I should probably know these things if we’re dating,” you mumble, returning to your food trying to hide your flustered expression.

Yet again, you surprise him with your commitment to this façade. The two of you could easily sit here in silence since it’s just the two of you, but since you’ve started eating lunch together both of you have started to get to know the other more. So, he just smiles at you and admits, “Yeah, I could, but I was kinda lookin’ forward to the whole college experience, ya know?” He rests his chin in his hand, wondering if he should continue. He hasn’t really told anyone his feelings about playing professionally, and how he feels that with every day he ignores the offers the less likely he’ll be able to make the transition the longer he waits. “I’m still thinkin’ about it. The offers are still there.”

You cock your head, and he refuses to look at you, feeling like you have a gift for seeing straight through him. “Is college that great?”

Now he laughs, and in an attempt to bring this conversation back to lighter waters he wraps an arm around you and smothers you against his chest teasing, “Yeah, otherwise I wouldn’ta met you!”

You roll your eyes and tell yourself that for the sake of the charade you let yourself sink into his embrace. When he releases you, you stick your tongue out at him. “I know you purposefully changed the subject, but I’ll let it slide. Consider yourself lucky.”

He puts his hands together in a fake prayer. “I’ll forever remember the kindness,” he says dramatically.

To which you scoff, “I highly doubt that.”

~

You study together when he’s available, but usually volleyball takes precedence over studying most nights. Sometimes he joins you in the library late at night, finding you in your favorite corner, plopping down beside you, blonde hair damp from the quick shower he took and distracting you from schoolwork with how practice went that day.

Already a few weeks in to your agreement, one night the two of you are in the library rather late, Atsumu’s practice ended late and he has a paper due in the morning that he’s desperate to finish. For the first hour, he’s chatty, unable to focus on what he needs to get done, despite constant reminders from you and promises that you’ll go get ice cream from the dining hall when he finishes.

The next hour, he seems to get in the zone, typing furiously away on his computer. Honestly, he isn’t sure if what he’s writing is even good but at this point, he doesn’t care, it just needs to get done.

But after his stint of concentration, you’re suddenly struck by the realization that he’s been silent beside you for a few minutes now. No sound of typing or conversation, and it goes on long enough that you become concerned. Looking over, you find him slumped over in his chair, head on his keyboard, fast asleep.

You fight the urge to laugh at him. Taking only a few selfish moments to marvel over his face, his usual smirking expression replaced by his eyes softly closed and his mouth slightly open. He sighs a deep breath before subconsciously stretching his arms out across the table and you get a nice view of his biceps flexing beneath his black shirt.

It’s then you become aware that you’ve been staring at him way too long and shake him awake.

His eyes flutter open, and upon seeing you, that once infuriating smirk he likes to wear rises to his lips. “Who woulda thought I’d be wakin’ up to a pretty girl lookin’ at me like that,” he drawls, knowing exactly how to fluster you.

You shake your head, laughing and packing up your things. “Come on big baby, it’s bedtime.”

“Yes ma’am,” he murmurs, picking his head up and promptly stuffing his things away in his bag. You decide to ignore what his soft, sleepy voice is doing to your heart rate and instead focus on how he’s putting his things away. That backfires on you, as you start thinking about how long and deft his fingers are and you have to physically look away from him to stop your mind going in that direction.

The two of you leave the library, walking quietly back to your dorm building, you aren’t expecting his hand to slip into yours; those long fingers you were just trying to get out of your head intertwining with yours. You look up at him confusedly and without looking at you, he brushes it off, “Just in case.”

You press your lips into a firm line, replying, “Right.”

He won’t dare admit he did that subconsciously. He just reached out for your hand like it was the most natural thing in the world, only realizing his mistake from the confused expression you gave him. He internalizes his sigh of relief that he can pass it off as keeping up your fake relationship and you seem none the wiser.

When you make it up to your floor, at the point in the hallway where you need to split ways, despite nobody being around that you need to fake for, you press a light kiss to his cheek and say, “Goodnight Atsumu.”

You’re gone before he can get a reply in.

~

You start coming to his games more often, dragging your roommate along (though she doesn’t mind one bit) and do your best to ignore just how good he looks playing volleyball. It doesn’t help that your roommate keeps commenting things like, “god you are so lucky,” and “just look at him!”

You are looking at him. And it pisses you off that she’s right. He’s annoyingly god-like, and you find yourself staring at his biceps and thighs a lot more than is necessary. Your heart fluttering traitorously whenever he grins when he makes a successful play. Even when he raises his fist to silence the crowd when he serves, which before you thought was utterly ridiculous—you now find yourself holding your breath as goosebumps spread across your skin.

He denies to himself just how much he loves seeing you in the stands. Unable to stop the feeling that swells in his chest with the way you look at him. With the fan club, he knows all they see is the surface. He’s cocky enough to know he’s good-looking (and if he didn’t think so, the fan club certainly feels otherwise). But with you—you look like you want to devour him. He doesn’t know if you are aware of it or not, but you watch him with predatory intent in a way he can’t explain that makes the hair stand up on the back of his neck.

At some point, he has to admit it. He fucking loves it.

One particularly memorable game, he swears you never take your eyes off him. And he feels like he’s at the top of his game, like nothing can go wrong for him. He’s so full of adrenaline and excitement afterwards that when he finds you in the hallway, he sweeps you up into an enormous hug. Your laughter filling the air and god—he loves your laugh; he could listen to it forever.

You don’t even care how sweaty he is or really if anyone is watching. Your instinct is to wrap your arms around him and squeeze him back, your ego inflating from the glares you can feel boring into your back from the fan club. And it’s easy—far too easy to forget that all of this is fake.

Especially when he pulls away only to plant a kiss right on your mouth, his body too full of adrenaline to truly realize what he’s doing.

And instead of pushing him away, you selfishly pull him closer, fingers laced behind his neck and body slotting against him so perfectly he has to resist the urge to groan. He cradles your head, drawing out the kiss for as long as he can consider appropriate, every fiber of his being screaming at him to just confess to you.

Instead, he lets you go, both of you chalking it up to the adrenaline and the charade. Both secretly knowing it was more than that to both of you.

And you don’t speak of it again, continuing with your sham relationship like nothing has changed.

But a lot of things have changed. It’s been almost 2 months since this started, well past the time needed to convince his teammates this is real. Some part of him refuses to bring it up, unwilling to let you go and wanting to drag this on for as long as possible.  

Despite knowing that this will all have to come to an end eventually.

~

“You gotta be there!” He pouts, doing a wonderful job of obscuring your view of the notebook on the table in front of you. “There’s no way my girlfriend would miss it!”

You groan, head resting on the chair behind you. Atsumu has been trying to convince you for the better part of the hour to come to the party the volleyball team is throwing this weekend. No matter how many times you’ve expressed your disinterest, he’s relentless.

He wiggles his brows. “I’ll throw in an invitation for your roommate too,” he says, knowing full well your roommate will be a pain in your side if she finds out you got invited to this party and refrained from taking her with.

Now you sigh, annoyed that he knows you well enough to sweeten the deal like that. And it isn’t the party that is deterring you, it’s a certain blonde-haired volleyball setter that you’ve been getting far too close to lately that’s making you hesitate. Something about the atmosphere of a party and a little alcohol in both of your systems makes you uneasy. And not in a bad way.

“You promise not to ditch me?” You pout, faking the reason you don’t want to attend.

He crosses over his heart. “I swear it. And besides, I’d be crazy to let ya wander around by yerself.” He gives you a quick wink, then a kiss to your cheek and he’s off to practice, shouting over his shoulder that the party starts at nine.

Your roommate is over the moon at the invitation, insisting you can’t possibly show up right at nine. So, you and she show up fashionably late around ten. Within a few moments, Atsumu finds you and gathers you up into his arms, whispering in your ear, “You’re late, where ya been?”

You smirk. “Roommate insisted on being fashionably late.”

He just chuckles, low in his throat and directly beside your ear—a sound that makes your toes involuntarily curl in your shoes. God, if you’re already curling your toes at the sound of just his voice you’re in for a long night. After releasing you, he easily greets your roommate and takes the two of you to the kitchen where cans of various alcohols are waiting.

You swear your roommate is going to combust with joy, taking a can for herself then happily heading off towards the dance floor. You’re glad she’s pretty independent as you can already feel you’re going to be glued to Atsumu’s side the entire night. You eye the drinks, sigh, and take one for yourself. If this night’s going to be long, might as well enjoy it.

He just watches you, amused, and unable to stop himself from thinking about how good you fucking look tonight. He wanted you to be here not to keep up the act of your relationship but because he actually wants to spend time with you. Lately, it’s the highlight of most of his days, and sue him if he wants to have a little fun.

Setting an arm on your shoulder, he first parades you around the party, letting everyone see just who he’s ‘dating’ and feeling his ego boost from the looks of jealousy he garners from a few people. The teammates who have eaten lunch with you a few times are happy to see you, indulging you in a bit of chit chat and helping loosen you up.

You might’ve been embarrassed to be on Atsumu’s arm had it not felt so damn great to be met with looks of jealousy from guys and girls alike, and it was doing wonders for your self-confidence. Enough that you tap him on the arm and ask to be taken back to the kitchen for another drink. He graciously obliges you, and once both of you have another can in hand, he finds somewhere for you two to sit.

It doesn’t even occur to you how easy it is to curl up beside him, his arm around you on the back of the couch, hand resting on your opposite shoulder while the two of you observe the party in full swing.

“You guys really know how to throw a party,” you comment, nodding to the room that was completely cleared out to make room for a dance floor.

“What’s that?” He teases. “I thought you didn’t want to come!”

Poking him in the side and refusing to look up at him, you admit, “I changed my mind.”

You know you’ve dug yourself a nice little hole when he continues, “Are my ears deceiving me? Are you admitting you were wrong?”

“Spare me,” you beg, a grin on your lips nonetheless. It’s then you spot your roommate out on the dance floor, her eyes connecting with yours long enough that she starts beckoning you towards her. “Oh god,” you groan.

She doesn’t stop though, instead abandoning the dance floor and approaching you and Atsumu. “Excuse me sir, but I’m gunna have to steal her for a dance or two.”

Subconsciously you cling to Atsumu, jerking your eyes up to him as he smiles easily saying, “Of course.” Taking your arm, she pulls you up from the couch and out of Atsumu’s arms, dragging you towards the dance floor while you look back at him with a pleading expression. He only waves idly back at you, that infuriating smirk splaying across his lips.

Worming her way into the throng of bodies, she puts her hands on your hips forcing you to sway them along to the music, laughing and encouraging you to ‘let go!!’. Eventually, there’s no resisting the thumping music or the movement of bodies around you, and soon your laughter is mixing with hers as the two of you dance ridiculously with one another.

Atsumu watches from the couch, utterly entranced at your change in behavior. He’s unable to look at anyone else but you, like the rest of the party falls away and its just you on that dancefloor swaying your hips under the flashing lights. He hardly knows what to do with himself as you laugh alongside your roommate, unaware he’s watching you.

At some point, you remember the boy you came here for, and fight your way to the edge of the crowd to catch sight of him. He’s where you left him, sitting on a couch a room away, an ankle crossed over his knee, still drinking his beer and looking unbothered by your absence. You look at him a moment, sitting there in his fitted black tee and dark jeans, so casually good-looking it isn’t fair.

His dark eyes meet yours and there’s something in them that sends goosebumps prickling across your skin. You’re barely even tipsy but there must be something stirring your boldness, otherwise you would have never lifted a hand and beckoned him towards you.

He’s pinned to his seat for a moment when you motion him to join you on the dancefloor. He has an uncanny suspicion that something is going to happen out there, under the safety of the pulsing lights and hidden by the mass of bodies. But some part of him wants that, whispering that it’s all he wants. So, he rises, setting his can on a nearby table and strides out to meet you.

A fire lights in your stomach as he stops in front of you, and now that he’s here you are quite sure what to do with yourself. “You looked bored,” you lie.

“Well, my date ditched me,” he remarks. “But I like her, so I’ll let it slide.”

Your answering smile is enough to send him through the roof. And soon, you’re engulfed by the surging crowd, getting sucked into the middle of the floor, a sense of reality slipping out from beneath the two of you. His hands at your waist, your body pressed up against his, his forehead resting on yours—he’s desperate to close the gap between the two of you. Dying to kiss you, to feel your lips mold to his, fingers lacing in his hair—he wonders what kind of sounds he could elicit from you, sounds just for him, sounds that would get lost in the thumping beat.

His better sense tells him to resist. Knowing that even though you’ve kissed before, this one would be different. It’s just the two of you, free from the pressure of pretending, he wouldn’t be able to pass it off as an act. And even if he could, he isn’t sure he wants to.

All the while, you’re watching him, wondering if he’s going to take the leap. Part of you urging him to. Pathetically wanting him to smother you in his arms and the two of you can just ignore it all tomorrow. It’s seemingly what you do best.

He doesn’t though, allowing him to just enjoy this moment—your proximity, warm breath mingling with his, arms resting on his broad shoulders as the crowd undulates around you. To him, there’s nothing else around, just you and your body fitting perfectly to his, back curved to press closer to him—he’s pitifully so lost in the way you’re moving those hips making him move along with you.

He’s grateful that if you notice him struggling to keep his composure, you don’t say anything. But when he glances at your face, you’re blissfully unaware of his plight, eyes closed murmuring along to the music and relishing the moment in your own way. Your thoughts dominated by how warm he is, how solid he feels, how his hands are resting on your back.

And the two of you stay like that, until you’re broken from your reverie by one of his teammates whistling loudly at the two of you, eyebrows wiggling suggestively that Atsumu just huffs a breath out at.

“I think I need another drink,” you say, pulling away from him.

His arms feel empty now, the clamor of the party destroying the quiet and intimate bubble the two of you had created. But instead of doing anything about it, he just gives you a winning smile—one he feels is half-assed, replying, “Ditto.”

[tearsofgrace]

slippery slope

written for destiel december 2020 day 4: sledding

i hate myself for writing fluff

wc: 2.1k, tags: fluff, cute shit, literally there’s like zero sad how did i do this, family bonding, christmas fluff, first kiss

also on archive

Dean blew hot air onto his hands and rubbed them together before pulling on his gloves. The sun hung heavy in the sky, its harsh rays glinting off the snow straight into his eyes. 

When he popped Baby’s trunk, he couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the contents. Sam and Jack really knew no end to their family Christmas activities. It wasn’t like he was really mad, of course. This was the first Christmas they were really together, the first Christmas with no Chuck, no world-ending crisis, and if they wanted to do corny shit like sledding, then he was all in. 

He grunted as he pulled the two sleds out from the trunk and handed them to Cas. When Cas’ hands wrapped around them, Dean frowned at his bare fingers. 

“Aren’t your hands cold?” 

“A little. I’m okay,” Cas said, meeting his eyes with a soft smile. 

“I told you to bring gloves.” 

Cas huffed and rolled his eyes, an action that he seemed to use at every opportunity now that he was human. “Dean-” he started. But Dean was already pulling the gloves from his fingers and holding them out to Cas. 

“Here.” 

“You don’t need to-” Cas trailed off as Sam and Jack walked up holding two mugs of steaming hot chocolate. He took the gloves after a look from Dean and pulled them over his bright red hands. 

“Thank you.” 

“We just got two, we figured we could share,” Sam said, passing his hot chocolate to Dean. 

Dean took a sip, letting the liquid warm his core. There was almost no one here, just a couple families with smaller kids. He passed the cup to Cas, trading him for the sleds, and turned toward the hill. 

“Let’s get this over with,” he said gruffly. But when he glanced back at Jack, saw his eyes lit up as they took in the snow-covered slope, he couldn’t stop from breaking into a grin. 

“Have you been sledding before?” Jack asked as they walked across the parking lot. 

“Once,” Sam said. 

“Oh, man, I’d forgotten about that story,” Dean laughed. 

“What story?” Cas and Jack said in unison. 

Sam looked back at him and smiled, his eyes far away. “I think I was 13, or 14? Dad was on a case in,” he paused, frowning, “Where was it, Dean? Colorado, right?” 

“Wyoming.”

“Right, Wyoming. So anyway, Dad was off hunting and Dean and I were holed up in this motel room with nothing to do. It was right during winter break, too, so we didn’t even have school to occupy ourselves. Dean gets me up at the ass-crack of dawn and drags me out to this car he had hotwired just so we could have a day outside the motel. We drove for like, ten hours-”

“It was an hour, max” Dean cut in. They had reached the top of the hill now, and they were standing in a circle, eyes fixed on Sam. Dean’s arms had started to ache from holding the sleds, and he let them rest on the ground. 

“Whatever.” As Sam went on, Dean let his eyes drift up to Cas. He was watching Sam with a blank expression save for the mirth dancing in his eyes. His cheeks were slightly pink from the cold, and Dean allowed himself to stare a second longer before turning his attention back to Sam. 

“We stopped at this little roadside stand and got hot chocolate. Dean tried to make me think it was magical or some shit. Then we got to this giant hill. I mean,” he gestured to the steep hill behind him, “This thing has nothing on it. It was freezing, too, so the snow was almost ice. We pull up to the hill, and Dean pops the trunk, and in it there’s just these two,” Sam starts laughing then, and after a minute, Dean joins him. There’s a sadness behind it, too though. And acknowledgement of how fucked up that situation really had been. “These two trash can lids.”

“I lifted ‘em off the motel manager. He almost caught me, too,” Dean said as Cas and Jack started to laugh. 

“So we go to the hill, the sun is finally starting to rise, but everything is still freezing. Dean sits on the lid cross-legged and since he was my idiot older brother, I followed him. He pushed us both down the hill. It was basically solid ice, and we were on metal trash can lids.”

Cas and Jack were staring at him with wide eyes, holding back laughter. 

“Yeah,” Dean cut in. “It was bad. We flew down that hill so damn fast… and when we hit the bottom we both went flying. Hurt like a son of a bitch. We were all bruised up. Dad got back and thought we’d hunted something by ourselves,” Dean snorted. “Wasn’t my best idea.” 

“I thought it was worth it,” Sam said, meeting his brother’s eyes. Unspoken words passed between them. Childhood trauma wrapped in brief moments of relief. “Man, I remembered that every single Christmas. Always wanted to go again.” 

“Well,” Jack said suddenly, and they all turned their attention to him. “I don’t want this to be like that.” 

Dean clapped him on the shoulder and passed him one of the sleds. They were huge, meant for two people. The underneath was slick, primed for speed. Sam had wanted more basic ones, but Dean had insisted. If they were doing this stupid Christmas thing, they were at least doing it right. 

“Okay, which of you is going on the winning sled?” Dean asked playfully, taking the now empty hot chocolate cup he had shared with Cas and tucking it into the bag he’d brought. Sam handed him the other one and Dean shoved it in too before looking up as Jack spoke. 

“It’s a race?” Jack said, tilting his head in a way that was so Cas it hurt.

“I’ll go with you,” Cas sighed, his eyes fixed on Dean. 

Dean gulped as their eyes met, and not for the first time today he wanted to reach out and take his hand. Instead he let his eyes turn to Sam and Jack, issuing a challenge. “You guys are going down.” 

Sam rolled his eyes but helped Jack onto the sled before getting on himself. 

“Do you want to sit in front?” Cas asked. His eyes were downcast and there was a small blush rising in his cheeks and Dean realized that holy shit his entire body was about to be pressed against Cas. 

“Yeah,” he said, trying to keep the tightness from his voice. “The front is great for me.”

Wow, Winchester, that sounded totally normal. 

Sam was smirking at him from the sled and he considered flipping him off. But that would just show there was something to be mad about. Which there wasn’t. 

Dean got on the sled and looked anywhere but at his brother and kid while Cas climbed on behind him. Cas pulled his knees to his chest, almost not touching Dean at all. 

“You’re gonna fall off if you sit like that, man.” He cleared his throat again, pointedly not looking at Sam, and reached for Cas’ legs. “You gotta wrap ‘em around up to the front like this.” 

Cas just stared at him as he moved his legs, his eyes wide. Or maybe that was just Dean’s imagination. Maybe Dean just wanted Cas’ heart to be beating as fast in his chest as his was. 

With Cas pressed up against him and his cheeks flaming red, he finally looked over at Sam and Jack. Sam’s smirk hadn’t faded, and Jack was watching them with a pleasant smile. 

“You ready to lose?” Dean said, his voice a little too high to convey any real bravado. 

“Only if you are, jerk.” 

“Bitch,” Dean said automatically. 

Jack counted them off with a ready, set, go, and before he knew it, the sled was slipping over the edge and hurtling down the hill. 

Cas made a soft sound of surprise and Dean immediately felt arms wrap around his stomach as Cas’ face pressed into his shoulder. He looked straight ahead, letting the wind whip through his face and sting his eyes. But his heart moved from frantically pounding in his chest to leaping into his throat. 

Cas’ weight was warm and steady behind him, and Dean let himself relax even as his adrenaline spiked. 

Sam and Jack were somewhere ahead of them, already sliding to a stop at the bottom of the hill. He felt like it had been minutes, sitting here with Cas wrapped around him. In reality, it couldn’t have been more than twenty seconds. 

Dean’s eyes widened as he looked ahead of them and saw a rough bump in the powdery snow, and he tried to steer away from it. It was too late. They hit it at full force and the sled was flung into the air. 

For a moment, he was weightless, then he was slamming into the hard ground flat on his back, the sled bouncing somewhere to the side and Cas… well, Cas landed right on top of him. 

He blinked away the daze and looked into Cas’ eyes, their chests pressed together by some trick of whatever gods still existed. 

Cas just stared at him, unmoving. His lips were so close, breaths falling hot against Dean’s already warm face. Cas’ whole weight was pressed against him, and it should have hurt. Hell, his head was still pounding from hitting the ground at full force. But despite all that, he just felt safe. 

“Cas,” he breathed out. 

Cas’ blank face slowly melted into a smile and he stared into Dean’s eyes, almost as though he was searching his soul. “Hello, Dean.” 

Everything was warm and safe and bright and nothing else seemed to matter. He couldn’t remember why he and Cas didn’t normally get this close. It was some distant warning voice in his head, but the voice was too far away. 

All he could see, all he could think, all he could breathe in, it was just Cas. 

And he wanted more. 

He lifted himself up slightly and let his lips brush against Cas’. Cas tensed above him, but almost immediately he relaxed into Dean, pressing them closer together and letting their lips move in sync. 

Dean sighed in content and let his hands wander up from the snow to wrap around Cas and pull him toward the ground. Why they hadn’t been doing this all along, he had no idea. Cas was everything. Cas meant everything. So why couldn’t he and Cas have everything?

It took him a second to hear the cheering, and as soon as he did, all the old fears returned. A blush rose to his face and he pulled back from Cas at the same time that he pushed off Dean and stumbled to his feet. 

Sam walked over and reached down a hand to help Dean to his feet. Dean took it, keeping his eyes down and trying to ignore how hot his face had gotten. 

“Well,” Sam started as Jack joined them. “I think technically Jack and I won the race, but this definitely tops that.” He clapped Dean on the back and Dean finally raised his eyes. 

“It does,” Jack agreed solemnly. 

Dean ignored the fear seeping through him and shrugged, hoping he looked more casual than he felt. Then he turned to Cas and took his hand before he could change his mind. The gloves he had lent Cas were rough against his hand, but underneath the weight and pressure was grounding, safe. 

He looked at Cas and grinned, his heart beating erratically when Cas smiled back. 

“Yeah, sorry, Sammy,” he gave Cas’ hand a short squeeze. “Cas and I have got you beat.” 

Sam snorted and met Dean’s eyes. Beyond the teasing, the laughter on Sam’s face, Dean saw something else. Pride. His brother looked so goddamn proud of him it hurt. Dean felt something inside him stir and he held back the tears that stung in his eyes. 

He looked back at Cas and found him staring at him with an expression of joy and confusion and wonder and just about every other emotion that was running through Dean right now. But that didn’t matter. They would have time to sort out whatever this was between them. They would have time for long talks and heart-to-hearts and whispered confessions. For now, they were good. All of them were good. 

Dean took a deep breath in of the cold air and looked around at his family with pride. 

“Anyone in for a rematch?”

****

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[emitheduck]

Letters (Bucky x Reader)

A/N: No spoilers or anything. Just a sad, but cute story I thought of one day last week. ---

Bucky had been staring at the box in front of him for an hour now. It was a small hat box that had his name on top of it in beautiful cursive. He didn’t normally get packages, so when Sam had dropped it off for the other man, it instantly sparked confusion.

He decided he was glaring at it long enough that it was time to open it. He was confused of course when inside the box was just a few envelopes and a few other little things in the box. He dug around and pulled out eight letters, along with a few dried flowers and a picture of himself in uniform before he left for the war.

The letters actually were dated, seemingly in order of when he should read them. They felt fragile, and when he saw that the letter had the year 1942 on it, he could easily tell why they felt that way

James, I figured I would write to you because I wanted to tell you how much I’m going to miss you. Someone said any letters I write will get to you, so I thought I would write. I wish I had more to say, but you’re going to give them hell in the war. Please come back to me in one piece. Always yours, (Y/n)

“Shit..” Bucky mumbled, shaking his head as he gently slipped the letter back into the envelope. These were letters from his old girlfriend (Y/n). She clearly saved these letters, but he was surprised that it took this long for him to get them. He opened the second one. James, I just got the news you died in the war. Someone said you fell off a train, and then news also broke out that Steve had died. I just can’t believe that I lost both of my friends, without even getting to say goodbye. I thought that writing some letters to you, even if you aren’t here to get them, it would be good for me. I never got the chance to tell you that I always loved you, and I know we only dated for a little bit, but I love you so much and thought I should get that off my chest. Always yours, (Y/n)

Now the letters seemed to make a little more sense as to why they were sitting in his living room. However they got passed down, someone must have figured they would be better suited if he had seem them. Word had broken out about him years ago, and after the dust from Thanos finally settled, someone must have felt it was a good time that these made it to him. He toyed with the envelope of letter number three, but slowly pried it open anyway.

James, It’s been about a year since I last wrote to you, but I feel almost guilty when I tell you I found someone else. He was in the war, and I met him when my parents had his family over for dinner. He’s sweet, but he’s not you. I think it might be nice if I go out with him, but for some reason I don’t want you to be mad. You’re not even here, and yet I don’t want to disappoint you. Anyways I think giving him a shot might be what I need. Always yours, (Y/n)

Bucky groaned as he slid this one away from the letter away from him, instantly grabbing the fourth and tearing it open, being careful to not rip the delicate paper that was underneath. This was definitely something he wasn’t going to mention to his therapist.

James, I never wrote because I was unsure of what to say. I got married. I had a baby. We actually named her after you. Her name is Jamie. I know you would have loved to meet her, but I’m happy that my life is going well. I miss you everyday. Hopefully I’ll have more to write soon Love, (Y/n)

Now this was the icing on the cake. It shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did, but wow, it felt really shitty. This made him think that maybe he did have to tell his therapist about this, because this letter alone made him want to cry and burn the rest of them. He was so curious that he didn’t even notice he was opening number five.

James, I lost this box in a move, and forgot all about it and that makes me feel horrible. The pain of losing you doesn’t go away, but it gets better. My little girl is in school, and she reminds me so much of you. She definitely has your personality, and I think that’s funny because she doesn’t even know you. (Y/n)

Bucky didn’t want to admit that he noticed her endings to these letters getting smaller, but he noticed. She no longer was ‘always yours’ and she even stopped signing that she loved him. He kind of wondered how three more letters could make him feel even worse than he was already feeling, but after glaring at number six, he was sure that it was going to be worse.

James, It’s so hard to believe, but my little Jamie got married. I found the last letter I wrote, and I can’t believe it’s been this long since I wrote to you last. I promise I’ll write back to you as soon as I can, but I’ve been busy. Life is really picking up again, and it feels amazing. (Y/n)

Fuck it. Number seven was already in his hands by the time he put down number six. This was totally not good for him mentally, and tonight was going to be a nightmare night, he could already tell. There was too much about this side of his past that hurt; he wished so much he could have been there for (Y/n). He wished he was the one who got to live this life with her, but the world had other plans.

James, I’m a grandmother! The little girl is so tiny and beautiful, and Jamie even named her after me. I could not be happier, and I just had to tell someone, and I figured the ghost of you would be the best person to tell. I hope that one day, I’ll tell her all about you. I wish you were here. (Y/n) His heart was racing while he slowly put the letter down. He had one more, but was concerned as to why there was only one left. There was no way that one more could be the end, but he had to remember that if (Y/n) was old enough to be a grandmother, there was no way she was around today. He opened number eight.

James, I don’t really know what to even say. I am sick, and I know I don’t have much time left. They said you were on the news, but I feel like that’s a dream now. A dream that you’re back. I’m afraid I can’t write anymore, but now I’m hoping you are back to be the angel I always knew you to be. This will be the last letter, as I’m going to spend my final days with my husband and family. I love you. (Y/n)

Bucky didn’t even realize he was clutching the paper until it was too late. The last letter had ripped in his grasp and he put his head in his hands, finally allowing himself to cry. She had loved him up until the end, and that’s all he needed to know. He was also glad that she had never actually seen him as the Winter Solider, but remembering him as the man he was before he left for the army.

He slowly stood up from the floor, dropping the last letter back into the box as he grabbed his keys and left his apartment. Coffee. He needed coffee. Anything to stop the pounding headache that was starting to grow from feeling all these emotions at once. It was a good thing there was one right next door from his apartment.

The smell of coffee calmed him. It was something about how the smell was so similar to a warm hug, and it made him feel a little bit better. Plus, what was the problem of drinking coffee when you couldn’t sleep anyway.

He got to the register and paused. The girl behind the counter was beautiful, and he was actually at a loss for words. He coughed slightly to clear his throat, and looked at the menu. “Can I please get a medium, hazelnut latte with whole milk please?” He internally kicked himself for saying please twice.

“No problem. Anything else?” She asked him while she got to work making his coffee. “No, that’s it. And I actually have one of these.” He said as he dug through his wallet to pull out a punch card. He was a frequent buyer here, and today meant his coffee was free.

She smiled as she handed him his coffee. “That’s always the best feeling in the world.”

Bucky grabbed the cup from her and paused, looking down at her name tag. Her name was (Y/n). “H-Hey, this is going to sound crazy, but is your mom’s name Jamie?”

Her smile fell slightly as she looked at him. “Yeah, it is. Why, are you some stalker or something?”

“No! Not at all! It’s a long story, but I knew your Grandma.” He explained as he looked at the cup in his hand. “It's just kind of ironic in away. Anyways, thanks for the coffee." He sighed as he turned around to leave.

"Wait!" (Y/n) yelled, causing him to stop in his tracks and look at her. "Would you maybe want to come by sometime when I'm done working, and we could get dinner or something?"

Bucky nodded, and smiled. “Yeah. That sounds really nice.” Masterlist

[dragonotaku-justineverything]

Jaune was asked to be the photographer in Jessica's Cinder shoot, and he was more than happy to see her in a bikini at the Beacon pool. When they were done, her method of payment was laying back on a pool chair as Jaune fucked her breasts and splattered her face wit cum. The real Cinder was quite jealous.

So here’s my first attempt at a real smut/non sfw written piece with Jessica Nigri. I’m actually very nervous about posting this. I’ve been working on this for a while, constantly debating if I should even do it the entire time. I really hope this doesn’t make me look like a creep, but I also really wanted to finally try writing more raunchy stuff with Jessica Nigri. 

But I put too much work into this to just NOT post it, so I guess we will all  see how this first one goes and whether or not I’ll do anymore. 

I’ll also be posting this to my Archive of Our Own account HERE.

So you all have been warned, what follows is a sort of one-shot (for now) smut piece of Jessica Nigri. You don’t enjoy stuff like that, you don’t have to read past this point.

*SNAP* *SNAP* *SNAP*

The gorgeous Jessica Nigri stretched her arms out over her head and let out a throaty moan. She was currently standing waist deep in the pool in the backyard of her house. Her stretch also ‘unintentionally’ pushed out her chest, making her red and gold bikini strain to keep her well endowed chest contained. She opened her eyes, revealing that her irises were gold instead of brown, and looked over at Jaune who was so kind to offer to be her cameraman after her usual photographer bailed on her just that morning. 

She ran her hands through her hair, which was now raven black instead of her usual blonde, and held that pose for the next set of pictures Jaune was going to take.

*SNAP* *SNAP*

Jaune, to his credit, did a great job at focusing on just taking the pictures and doing his job. It wasn’t easy. It got hard to maintain focus when Jessica started to pose more and more provocatively. He didn’t stare, but he had to check the pictures to make sure they were okay. With seeing so many sexy pictures, he couldn’t help the hard on that formed in his white swim trunks. He did the best he could to conceal it, but it was pointless.

Jessica saw the bulge forming from the start. She wasn’t offended or disgusted. She know the effect she had on guys and even some girls. She knew Jaune wasn’t a pervert, he just genuinely thought she was very attractive. That made her smirk a little proudly. It was nice knowing he thought she was pretty not just because she had big boobs.

*SNAP* 

Jessica stopped posing and relaxed her body. She sighed and moved towards the stairs of her pool. As she started getting out, she looked to Jaune. “Alright Jaune, I think that’s plenty to work with. Thanks again so much for helping me out on such short notice.”

Jaune looked up from the camera screen, a bit startled by Jessica’s sudden voice. “Y-you sure? We could get a few more if you want.”

“Nah it’s fine. You’ve already taken at least 200 already. Put down the camera and I’ll go inside to get you your money.”

Jaune lowered the camera to waist level, but quickly waved his hand to dismiss Jessica’s. “No no, you don’t need to pay me. I was happy just to help out a friend.” 

Jessica dramatically rolled her eyes at his dismissal. Seriously, he could really be too nice for his own good. “Jaune, I’m serious! You took four hours out of your Saturday off from Beacon to come down to Vale and help me with my shoot. I’m paying you.”

Jaune just sighed loudly. “Jessica, you don’t need to do that.”

Jessica grabbed a towel and started drying off her lower body as she fired back, “I know I don’t have to, but I want to.”

“I’m serious Jessica.”

“So am I.”

The bickering between the two friends continued for a few more minutes with the same pattern. Jessica would insist that Jaune take money from her, and he would decline each and every offer. 

Their ‘argument’ finally ended when Jaune yelled, “I’m not taking your money Jessica!”

Jessica just groaned in frustration. She was getting really annoyed now. How selfless (or stubborn) do you have to be not to accept money you did a job to earn?!  She huffed, blowing a strand of her now black hair off to the side, and crossed her arms under her ample chest. When her girls got pushed up a little because of that, she looked down at them. Then she got a naughty little idea.

“Oh alright, fine Jaune. You don’t have to take my money.”

Jaune sighed in relief. He didn’t like bickering with his friends, especially over something as silly as this. He knows he did earn the money, but he just wouldn’t feel right taking money from his friends. “Thank you Jessica, I just don’t like tak-”

“You can just fuck my big tits instead~.”

Jessica had barely finished saying her newest offer when Jaune promptly froze and turned bright red. The camera slipping from his stiff fingers jogged some life back into Jaune. He fumbled with the camera a few times before getting a solid grip on it again. He rigidly turned to look at the beautiful woman who just made his heart stop. She looked very amused with Jaune’s panic. She wasn’t laughing out loud, but her golden eyes lit up while her upper body shook a little with laughter that she was holding back with tightly shut lips.

It took a minute, but Jessica finally reeled in her shaking and Jaune managed to calm down his blush a little. Now instead of it being his whole face, only his cheeks and ears were red. 

Jessica spoke first, her lips in a wide and somewhat smug grin. “Wow. That was quite the-*snrk* reaction, ha ha ha.” 

“W-well c-can you blame me!?” Jaune defended himself. “Y-you can’t just go making jokes like that! H-how did you expect me to react!”

“I wasn’t joking.” 

…

Jaune’s head tilted to the side, the blush on his face being replaced with a look of confusion. “Huh?”

“I was serious. I’ll give you a boobjob.”

Jaune had zero idea how to respond to that. 

So instead, his jaw just went slack and hung open in disbelief. Jessica did him a favor and stepped closer to him. She raised his jaw up with one slender finger on his chin to close his mouth. She slid her nail lightly along the underside of his jawline back towards his ear and then up towards his chin again, flicking her finger off when she ran out of track to follow. The small smirk still on her lips, she asked, “So how do you wanna go about it?”

Jaune sputtered while the red coloring flowed back to his entire face, before managing to speak. “Jessica! How could you say something like that?!” 

“What’s the big deal?”

Jaune looked away sheepishly. “Y-you shouldn’t throw your body around like that. I-it’s not right. Your body isn’t something to use like a tool. Especially not for payment.”

Jessica’s brow scrunched up a bit in confusion, before her eyes lit up with realization.“Oooooh, Jaune you’re-” Jessica stopped herself and thought for a bit. He thought that she was offering her body just to pay him back for his help. ‘Oh for the love of-!…Jaune, why do you have to be so sweet and cute, but sooo dense! Okay, blunt it is.’ “Okay Jaune, how about this. I’m going to tell you, very clearly, what I meant by what I said.”

“O-okay?”

“I WANT you to fuck my tits.” Before Jaune could make a sound at hearing this new revelation, Jessica continued. “You weren’t the only one who couldn’t help sneaking a few glances.” 

Jaune’s brow raised in confusion. “W-wha?”

Jessica grinned almost hungrily at him. She bit her glossy lower lip and moved her index finger to point down several times. “Those white trunks of yours aren’t that great at hiding anything~.”

Jaune’s eyebrows scrunched together a bit in confusion. He looked down to see what she was referring to, and promptly turned red.

Jaune had apparently gotten a bit distracted by Jessica because he had completely forgotten about the stiff problem in his trunks and stopped trying to hide it some time ago. Well that problem hadn’t gone down in the least. Jessica’s proposition hadn’t helped either. His boner had shifted and started pressing into the front of his trunks full force, making a bulge that no one could miss.

“So what do ya say~?”

Jaune’s attention shot back up to Jessica. While he was looking down at his own crotch, she had moved very close to him. So close they were almost touching. Jaune had to tilt his head a bit to look down at her. He accidently looked down a little too far though and ended up staring directly down her cleavage since her wonderful, bountiful chest was only an inch away from touching his.

As much as Jaune wanted to, he couldn’t look away. 

Jessica noticed that he was staring again almost immediately. With a smirk, she quickly bounced on the balls of her feet several times, getting her tits to bounce and jiggle beautifully in her tight red bikini top. Jaune’s eyes stayed locked on them. 

“You wanna see if my big girls can help out with your little friend down there~?” Jessica’s eyes had a teasing glint, not that Jaune noticed. He just nodded his head to say yes, or he was still tracking her bouncing tits. Either way, both were good enough for Jessica. She gently took his hand and led him over to the closest pool chair next to a small glass table. 

Jessica turned around and sat down on the soft, yellow cushion on the chair. She had to admit it felt pretty nice against her ass cheeks since it was warmed under the sun all day. She brought hands up to undo the knotted string on Jaune’s swim trunks and gently slid them down. The white trunks dropped to Jaune’s ankles, the man’s breath hitching when they did, and it was Jessica’s turn to stare.

Jaune’s very, very hard cock sprung free, no longer being confined in those trunks that now looked way too small to Jessica. ‘How did they manage to keep this dick contained? It has to be a good seven inches at least!’ The seven inch monster in question stood directly out from Jaune’s crotch, completely rigid and with the head aimed directly at her face.

Jessica stared down the shaft of the huge cock, not blinking. She inched her face closer to it briefly, but she pulled back just before her lips touched it. As much as she might want to, that wasn’t the deal. ‘There will probably be another time for that anyways~.’ Jessica heard Jaune whimper though when she pulled away. She glanced up at him with a small smirk. “Don’t worry Jaune, you’re gonna get something else. I think it will be even better too~.”

Jessica swung her legs up onto the lawn chair and scooted back on it. She arched her back and pushed out her chest before laying down against the inclined backrest. She reached over to the glass table and picked up the bottle of sunscreen that was on it next to her scroll. She hadn’t used it for the shoot, but it was always nice to be prepared for anything. After all, she was about to get some great use out of it now.

She flicked open the lid and turned it over right above her tits. She stared directly at Jaune with complete confidence as she squeezed the bottle and felt the chilly white cream landed all over the top and into the valley of her cleavage. For a good five seconds, Jessica just kept layering up the sunscreen. Finally the long, white stream from the bottle ended with a small pouf. She closed the lid and put it back down on the side table next to the chair. She jokingly cleared her throat and looked back to Jaune. 

With a smile, she grabbed her own tits, almost slamming her hands down on the soft D cup mounds, still covered by her bikini top. Jaune unconsciously let out a high pitched noise when he saw those big mounds flatten a bit under her hands. His eyes stayed locked on her big tits as her hands slowly began to roll them around. The large amount of sunscreen on top of and in between them slowly began to get spread around every inch of her flawless skin, especially in the wonderful valley between her boobs.

Her smooth, tan skin was soon covered in obvious white streaks from the sunscreen being rubbed in just a little bit. The bikini top she was wearing also shifted and Jaune could just start to see the darker skin of her areolas, and her hard nipples pressing against the fabric. 

“That should be enough.” Jessica stopped playing with her own tits and ran her slightly messy hands down her slim waist. She laid back against the back of the lawn chair and pushed her chest out. “Well Jaune, feel free to start whenever you come back to your senses~.”

While Jaune was indeed very distracted by her erotic show just now, he was still very aware of what she said. He hesitantly took a small step out of his swim trunks and closer towards the chair she was laying on, his shins now touching the frame of it and completely naked. A part of him still wanted to decline, another part even wanted to say he’d just take the money now, but those were both very small in comparison to the part of him that wanted what was being offered right in front of him. 

Jaune carefully raised his right leg and climbed onto the chair as well, his knees pressing down on the cushion on either side of Jessica’s thighs. He slowly scooted his knees forward and soon had his hard cock positioned above her chest. He looked down at her, then realized he was still holding the camera. With one hand, Jaune reached over and set it down on the same table that the sunscreen bottle was on. 

With his hands now free, he grabbed the top of the chair’s back above Jessica’s head. He lowered his hips to position his cock at the bottom of her boobs under the middle bikini strap. He looked at Jessica to make sure it was okay. Their eyes locked and Jessica bit her lower lip as she nodded. Without any more hesitation, Jaune slid his cock head into her vast cleavage.

His cock head hit the skin in between her tits and slid up inside with ease, getting both of them to shiver a bit. Jaune pushed his cock all the way through and pulled his hips back. Within seconds, Jaune had started a steady rhythm of fucking Jessica’s tits. Jaune continued to hump into her cleavage, already loving the amazing feeling enveloping his cock from the incredibly soft pillows enveloping his shaft. 

Jessica was also enjoying herself. She looked down from Jaune’s blushing face to her cleavage. She was greeted by the sight of the head of Jaune’s cock popping out, now slick with white sunscreen too. She was pretty impressed that it was big enough to do that. She could also feel just how hot and hard his shaft was. ‘Fuck, it feels like a metal rod! Let’s see how he likes this though~.’

While Jaune did already seem to be in paradise, Jessica decided to make it just a bit more… interesting for him~.

With a smirk, she moved her hands back up to her tits and pushed them together. Jaune gasped as the soft tits that were around his cock started to squeeze down, rubbing the cock between them even more. He stopped moving just to get used to the new tightness. Jessica chuckled as she heard the man above her gasp, letting her know that she made a good move.

Jaune started rolling his hips forward once again, this time needing more force to push into her slick cleavage. Pretty soon, his rolling turned into full on thrusting. Jaune was now literally just fucking her tits without a second thought, letting out small grunt and groans as he did so. His grunts almost drowned out the slick ‘plap’ing sound of his cock pumping in and out between her slippery tits as he thrusted away.

Those weren’t the only noises being made though. Alongside Jaune’s grunts, his cock’s slick ‘plap’s, and Jessica’s own moans and giggles as she watched Jaune eagerly thrust away between her sensitive tits, was a creaking sound coming from the rocking chair they were on. With Jaune’s harder thrusting, the chair had started shaking quite a bit. Jaune had also tightened his grip on the back of the chair, unknowing pulling it towards him with his thrusts. Jessica felt the rocking, but thought nothing of it.

Until Jaune pulled so far that the back of the chair slipped out of the slot keeping its back inclined. 

“Aaaah!”

With a surprised yelp, Jessica fell back with the chair. She let out a small “Oouf!” as the chair flattened out. It now looked more like a skinny bed. 

“Jessica?! Are you okay?”

Jessica, now laying flat on her back, looked back up to Jaune who was propped above her. He looked at her worriedly and had stopped his thrusting. She smiled and nodded. “Yup! I’m all good. Actually, this position might be better~.” Her hands squeezed and rolled her tits around Jaune’s cock, enticing him to continue. “Though, I still haven’t gotten your white stuff on my tits~. So keep going~.” 

Jaune looked at her for a second, but once he saw that she really was okay, he started rocking his cock back into her cleavage again. A few seconds later and he was back to thrusting between her tits as quickly as he had been. The new position they were in was definitely making it a lot easier for him to fuck the sexy cosplayer’s tits.

Jessica didn’t stop helping her girls rub his dick either. Her hands still firmly pushing them around Jaune’s shaft, even sinking her fingers into them a little, making her moan along with Jaune. She glanced over at the table next to them, thinking about pouring some more sunscreen on to help things get really messy, when something else caught her attention.

She saw her scroll though the glass. Seeing that it was more within her reach than the sunscreen bottle, she quickly got another idea. She moved her hand off her left tit and reached over to the table, now using one arm to keep her breasts wrapped tightly around the meaty rod fucking them. She smirked as she started her naughty little plan.

Jaune didn’t see Jessica reach for the table because his eyes were closed, just enjoying his own little paradise at the moment. For a whole minute, Jaune was only focused on pumping faster and faster into her slippery cleavage, his cock still gliding effortlessly into her deep valley. It felt too fucking good to stop now, and he wanted as much pleasure as he could get. 

His heavy balls were sliding along her stomach and slapping into her underboob at this point with how heavy his thrusts had gotten. Jaune scrunched his eyes shut even harder and let loose a guttural moan as he felt himself get right to the edge. He could feel his cock twitch and pulse as he finally hit his breaking point. 

“Fuuuuuuck! Jessicaaa!” Before Jaune even finished shouting her name, he was already unloading ropes of cum. “Uuuughfuck!” As he continued to release ropes of cum out without care, he felt absolute bliss shoot through him. Nothing could have ruined how amazing he felt right now.

For nearly a minute, Jaune kept shooting loads of his thick cum. He felt them get smaller and smaller though, and soon came to a full stop. Jaune panted heavily, coming down slowly from his climax. The best best one he’d ever had too. He slowly opened his eyes finally and looked down, and his slowly softening cock nearly shot back to attention when he did.

Underneath him was Jessica Nigri, covered in his spunk. everything from her head down to the top of her breasts was covered in thick white ropes of his cum. The sexiest part of that though was seeing her happily lick around her lips and scoop up what cum she could into her mouth, all with a sexy smirk on her glossy lips.

Jessica took her hands off her tits and started using them to scoop up cum off her face. She brought her fingers to her mouth and slowly pushed them past her lips one by one, sensually sucking them clean from cum. She moaned in the back of her throat, knowing Jaune was watching her now. 

After all her fingers were clean, Jessica parted her lips slightly and pulled her last finger out of her mouth, pulling her bottom lip down a little as it slid out. She looked straight up into Jaune’s eyes and moaned in a sultry voice. “Mmmmmm~. Delicious~.” Jaune blushed when he heard that, getting a small chuckle from Jessica.

After waiting a couple of seconds to let Jaune calm down, Jessica started to sit up, prompting Jaune to back away from her and sit down on the long side of the chair. Jessica made sure that her bikini top was still somewhat fitted on her breasts as she sat up completely, then swung her legs off the chairs side to join Jaune sitting directly next to him. She stretched her arms up  above her head with her fingers interlaced, letting out a relaxed sigh. Jaune didn’t stop himself from staring at her chest as she pushed it out.

Jessica’s arms fell back down to her side and she gently started to rub Jaune’s thigh with her right hand.  “Mmmmuuuh that was pretty hot Jaune, you have fun~?”

Jaune looked over at her, and eagerly nodded his blushing head. “Yeah, t-that was amazing Jessica.”

Jessica kept smirking and patted his thigh twice with her hand. “Well, maybe that can happen again sometime. Whaddya think of that Jaune~?”

“I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.”

“Well then, I guess we’re gonna have to try to get together more often huh~? But for now, I think I’m going to go take a shower and get cleaned up a bit. You did get me pretty messy~.” Jessica stood up and picked up her scroll. “If you’d like, I have a spare bathroom with another shower that you could use.” With that, she started to sashay towards her house with a sexy sway in her hips.

Jaune started after those swaying hips and committed them to memory. As Jessica slid her home’s backdoor open, Jaune stood up and picked up his swim trunks, covered his crotch with them and jogged to catch up to her. Jessica stepped aside and let him in first, admiring his fine ass as he walked by. ‘I’m gonna have to compare mine with his sometime~. Those are some firm cheeks~.”

With that thought, Jessica stepped into her home as well and closed the door behind them.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Chime~

Cinder’s musing on her scroll was interrupted as she received a video message. She also groaned when she saw who it was from. “Uuugh. What does that bimbo want now?” Cinder was really tired of being annoyed by Jessica. Jessica had tried to be ‘friends’ with her at first, but now just seemed to just enjoy annoying Cinder whenever she could. Just the thought of her right now started to make Cinder feel frustrated.

“Whatever it is, it’s probably just a waste of my time.”Despite her better judgement, Cinder still opened the message from Jessica, though a bit begrudgingly. After a few seconds of loading, the video started to play and she was greeted by the sight of her ‘counterpart’ Jessica recording herself by holding her scroll out above her. Cinder could see her body was rocking slightly, but before she could even wonder why that was, the camera began to pan down Jessica’s body.

Revealing a large cock quickly pumping back and forth between her sunscreen covered breasts. 

Cinder’s head recoiled back slightly at seeing such a thing on her screen. Because she was farther away from the screen now, Cinder finally noticed that there was a small caption in a tinted dark blue line on the bottom of the video.

[I hope you like trying to catch up Cindy~. I think I have a good step up on you~.]

Cinder scoffed after reading that caption. “What on Remnant is she talking about? What could I possibly need to catch up with…. her…. on…” Cinder’s question trailed off as the camera angle panned again, completely flipping around this time. It landed on the face of a man propped above her. 

Not just any strange man either. But Jaune Arc. The Jaune Arc that she had been trying to get to fuck her for weeks, with zero results. And now here he was on her scroll screen, currently fucking this bimbo’s tits!

The video ended while Cinder was ranting in her thoughts. It started to replay on a loop, but before it played the first five seconds again, the screen went blank. Then started to show cracks as Cinder slowly crushed it in her grip. She abruptly stood up and tossed her scroll on to the bed she’d been on. 

She straightened out her red dress and started to pace towards the door. “Fine. If that slut wants to try to steal what I want, I’ll happily make her realize her mistake. You wanted me to ‘catch up’ Jessica? Well, I’ll make you regret those words.” 

With a determined fire blazing in her eyes, she left the room, slamming the door shut behind her. She didn’t pay any of the scared students she passed a second thought. She had to think of a plan of how her desired fucktoy to get back, and rub that bimbo’s face in it when she did.

[ephemerlskies]

constant craving 04 (final) | jjk

⇢ pairing: jungkook x reader

⇢ genre: “drabble” series, best friends to lovers au, slight angst, FLUFF, bestfriend!au, unrequited love, smarter idiots but still idiots all the same

⇢ word count: 6.8k

⇢ warnings: explicit language, mentions of alcohol, excessive drinking (drink responsibly), pining, jungkook is an overdramatic baby, a surplus of feelings (i am disgusted with myself), one (1) fire hazard

⇢ summary: with the Friendiversary approaching quickly, both you and Jungkook have an array of trials to navigate through. and, as Seokjin gets caught in the crossfires, you must finally make a decision that will define how the rest of your life will unfold. 

♪ playlist: constant craving - k.d. lang, bad religion - frank ocean, misunderstood - lucky daye, neu roses - daniel caesar ♪

╰ series index: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 (final)

a/n: wow.... so bitches really call this a drabble series then write a 6 thousand word finale... its me im bitches... anywho, i really love the way this played out!! jungkook had to hit the bottom to start rising to the top and it shows. also, the ending is like....... hehe well ill just let you all see for yourselves. enjoy my lovely readers! this wrapped up such a heartfelt series that is so dear to my heart. thank you all for the support for this! and i might whip up a few drabbles simply because i think this relationship is really cute hehe ok... happy reading! <3

part four: i love you too

Carrying that music box in his pocket felt like a well-deserved and all too grim reminder of what went down a few days ago. Sitting drunk yet again, though one would best describe Jungkook’s posture as more of a sloven pile of flesh and bones withering away on a bar stool, he searched for the wallet which was in one of his four pockets.

He reached for the wrong one. Instead of the faux leather skimming his skin, it was a solid wood corner pricking the pad of his index finger. It stung more than it should have. Perhaps he'd gotten a splinter, or the top layer of his skin was simply too raw from all the wear and tear of your fight. Jungkook wasn’t one to jump at such negligible shocks, but it sank him back into that night. It wasn't the wooden corner at all.

You loved him. You still love him.

That's what you said. That's what nearly put him on the floor instead of in his chair, and what had been preying on his mind as if he were no different than a helpless animal drowning his regrets in whiskey. And he knew he should have said it back. 

Jungkook theorized ways to defy the cruel restraints of time, and if the universe would be so kind as to allow him to travel back to that day in middle school when he happened upon a scared, flush-faced student running so fast and panicked that they bumped into each other, just to be the one who said 'I love you' first. Or those genies and shooting stars and blessed fountains that supposedly granted wishes; he would pay no hesitation to plead with whatever deity would listen and permit his most prioritized desire. 

The retrospective bargaining remained a ghost haunting just about every waking moment of his life. Though, he had not been quite sure if said ghost was some cosmic sent presence or simply his own guilt. If regret took on physical ramifications, then Jungkook would have been convinced that was why he felt as if his legs wouldn't have been able to carry him even if he tried.

If I could just go back to that night with the knowledge I know now, I would have hauled my ass to your house instead of that club and told you that my choice was made for me the moment I met you. Every other person I ended up with these past twelve years was simply a buffer for loving you. I had to prepare myself, because loving you was something entirely too tremendous for a boy still grappling with his own faulty speech pattern to assume.

I wish you knew that. I wish I didn’t stand there like an idiot and let you leave, thinking me some hero for finally letting this new guy Seokjin take the place I had always imagined being in. I wish I had just said that I love you.

I love you.

I love you, ___.

Jungkook’s vision resembled that of a smudged lens. However, there were no fingerprints on his eyes. The world had turned blurry and colorless, the latter he knew was not due to the sixth order of whiskey he let soak into his heart’s open wound. 

A life of color was one of the many things that left when you did.

He didn’t know it then, but Jungkook was being fervently dramatic since it had not been more than seventy-two hours the last time he spoke to you. Thought to him, it was akin to being just short of death and taking another breath would have been an expense he wasn’t sufficiently funded to pay. 

Whatever happened in the interim of him paying his tab and walking out onto the sidewalk must have landed somewhere in the blacked out stretches of his inebriated memory, since he was now staring at your contact gleaming on his phone bearing the semblance of one guardian angel.

It was so ingrained into his routine. Opening the app with the phone icon, clicking the ‘recent’ tab, and finding your name no further than three contacts down the list because he called you as if he had important things to tell you, though normally it was just to hear your voice or to tell you about what he had for lunch. And it nestled into his muscle memory as natural as it was for him to breathe or blink. Even when alcohol debilitated his driving, walking, and thinking, his body was drawn to seek a haven such as yourself. And he nearly pressed ‘call’.

Before the comfort of your voice could ring through to his phone, reality descended upon that reflex. Right now, you were probably with Seokjin, attending some pretentious art gallery for one of his colleagues.

It was just Jungkook and the night sky and the moon that he hoped you were gazing at too; it would be the only connection to you as of now. The moon, a parcel for the most longing gazes.

There are stories where the two protagonists get it right. This was not that story. That reality stung more than the residual burn of whiskey clinging along his throat.

Both you and Jungkook made every wrong decision possible. From the moment you subjected yourself to exploiting the veneer of being a ‘good friend’ to disguise any true feelings that might have taken light, to the moment Jungkook was presented with all the excruciatingly obvious signs that you were in love with him, but was simply too inept to notice, to the both of you neglecting any urge threatening the bounds of platonic. Any path that would have steered to a destination where you two would get that happy ending was conveniently untaken.

And you had a long journey riddled with heartbreak after heartbreak to prove it.

He traded his phone with that wooden music box, scuffing the soles of his shoe as he walked back home, hoping he’d be able to give the gift to you on your Friendiversary.

-----

Your pain was still raw. In this way, you had not considered, or rather avoided the idea of tending to such delicate wounds. The days leading up to the infamous anniversary had been spent hoping you would organically heal enough to allow the presence of Jungkook while denying another reopening in your wound.

You had been juggling a not so thrilling number of conflicts the three days preceding that self-acclaimed national holiday.

One, Seokjin and his bottomless supply of invitations that you felt too obligated to refuse. He had such a life packed with plans which is more than you could have said for Jungkook. He, most likely, busied himself with promoting ranks in some obscenely violent video game. Two, a mutual friend of yours had told you Seokjin was fixing to make your relationship official this coming Friday, and you didn’t want to admit the lackluster reaction upon hearing the news was equivalent to receiving a C on a test. It wasn't the worst grade to receive, but you knew there would always be something better than adequacy. Not satisfying enough nor disappointing enough to be dealt with without bending a few expectations. And three, all you really wanted, the only agent of excitability (both good and bad) that diluted the festering numbness in your heart just a tad more, was thinking about seeing Jungkook on your Friendiversary.

But with that excitement, was its equally worrying constituent: whether or not you would be able see Jungkook that day without cracking under pressure.

Things weren’t exactly attuned between the two of you. Your emotional stature had never been more unsynchronized and offkey with Jungkook’s, so, forcing a celebratory movie or dinner would be no different than adding cornstarch to the already thick tension.

“___? Are you listening?” Everything Seokjin had just been droning on about filtered in and out without a single word being absorbed, and you could have pretended this wasn't the case but  stress had apprehended caring enough to lie.

“Sorry… No, I wasn't. I’m just stressed is all.” Since that was only a half lie, self-admonition had not yet taken permanent residency whenever you would look at Seokjin’s eyes offering nothing but genuine tact.

“Oh, sorry to hear! Are you okay? Anything you wanna talk about?” That, and the soft press of his hand over yours had swallowed you into a perpetual, guilty cycle of comparing two incomparable people.

Seokjin was always like this. Serving a gentle smile and honest ears as a vessel of calmness during whatever calamity you were grappling. It was safe knowing if you fell, you’d have a comfortable cushion to soften the impact. He was mindful with his words and had the intelligence to articulate them with impressive eloquence. You were more likely to see pigs fly than to see him stutter. He had a diverse group of friends and walked a steady path to a financially secure life. And you started to wonder what else one would need in a partner? Any sensible person would do much more than you had to snag someone like Seokjin, as handsome as he was kind and respectful. He seemed to have everything Jungkook lacked, including mutual feelings for you.

It would have been entirely too easy to pick him, as if there was a ‘Seokjin’ button and a ‘Jungkook’ button and you could press Seokjin’s on a whim. If choosing him would have meant miraculous nullification of all your very real and very unremitting feelings for that idiot you called your best friend, then you would have done it in a heartbeat.

There wasn't a 'Seokjin' button or a 'Jungkook' button, nor was there a button that would wondrously redistribute your feelings towards Seokjin.

And then there was Jungkook. Always in the back of your mind when he wasn't tenanting the focus of it.

He was never predictable in the ways that mattered. It was just as difficult figuring out his next move as figuring out whether this trait was exciting or exhausting.

Though, this had not been to say you didn’t know him well; in fact, all his habits and preferences and pet peeves could be bound into a book, written by you, and it would be so accurate anyone who read it would think it was an autobiography. He knew you to the same caliber. Where Seokjin would ask what was wrong, Jungkook wouldn’t need to. He already learned your behavior to know to say something along the lines of ‘tell me what’s wrong when you're ready, we can watch your favorite movie or swing by that Chinese place with those great fried dumplings in the meantime’. And on more favorable occasions, he'd say nothing and simply wrap you in his arms and let his shirt become a delta for your tears.

To anyone else, that might sound entirely too frank and perhaps a bit dismissive to be comforting, but to you it was the exact cure for each affliction. To never need explanations that would validate your feelings because Jungkook saw to that right when he took notice; to never manufacture fake smiles through failed attempts at cheering you up since, of course, he knew exactly what to do to vegetate joy in your heart and earn a smile from years and years —and years— of practice. It had almost driven you mad, thinking about how he knew from a shift in your brow what you were feeling and yet, somehow, never realized how deeply in love you were.

All the while, the moment you were convinced you had been versed fluently in his every move, he would pawn another blindsight that would leave you breathless and amazed all the same. Jungkook always had concealed tricks up his sleeve, and life was anything but repetitive with him. You would more often than not find yourself struggling to relearn language and existing itself just to keep up with him. How exactly he managed to wield such diametric facets of being was an enigma beyond the reasoning of this universe.To feel like home, somewhere you belonged outside of your own body, and a daring voyage into a completely new world all at once must have meant he was some sort of Godsend. Only angels could have sculpted a soul so magnetizing, you assumed.

Seokjin was an umbrella, shielding you on some arcane journey under an unforgiving rainfall. Your shoes kept dry and your hair intact.

And if he was the umbrella, then Jungkook was the rain. Falling everywhere and all at once, so that you couldn't help but let yourself be saturated in his entire, vibrant being. And who’s to say letting such a water fall against your skin was a bad thing? Sometimes rain is cleaning, gentle even. They bear fruits as beautiful as rainbows that guide you to an unnamed treasure.

Your treasure, however, had a name.

Jungkook calling.

"___? Hello? You in there?" Seokjin waved his hand in front of your face mostly in a jesting manner, but part of him felt like your eyes were blinded by something held in your heart. If he hadn’t pulled you back into reality, you might have been lost forever.

“I'm just…” Your attention had abandoned this conversation the second his name gave light to your screen. “Sorry, um…”

“It's okay, you can take the call. I’ll be in the kitchen making us some coffee.”

If you were to thank him profusely, it would have been far too obvious how much you missed seeing his name among your notifications, and most likely expose how often you spent thinking of Jungkook while you were supposed to be enthralled with Seokjin. So, you just nodded and answered the phone.

Nodding and answering, as though that didn't feel like taking a breath of clean air after hours of swimming through muddied waters.

“Hello? ___?”

“Jungkook.” It took you longer than usual to form a response and what was assembled had been a half-baked utterance just to let him know you were on the other side of the phone, hearing his voice and feeling a surge of energy course through your veins like he was some delicious narcotic filling life into you after only a week without him.

“___.” Jungkook was in his own debt of words as well. The exchange halted for a few seconds, a jaded breathing cutting the cracked static.

“Look-”

“Hey so-”

Any hope that you had finally caught up to the same page as Jungkook was lost. Now, it seemed you two were reading entirely different books.

“You go.” You said after another dreadful pause. He was the one who called, so he should be the one carrying the burden of navigating through this deafening tension.

“Well, I- uh… I… Well, you see I was just, um, wondering…” Jungkook’s heart must have shut off. That would explain why even the most rudimentary of words felt closer to a foreign language. Or, why he was making conscious efforts to counteract the threat of his nearly dormant lisp.

His brain was drained dry of any blood, his inner mechanisms were shutting down. Even without the alcoholic filter catching words and common sense in its web, Jungkook felt himself fall into an overactive state of dumbfoundedness. Sobriety only a cataract for his emotional override. 

“Our friendiversary?”

“I’m sorry, I did not understand literally anything you just said.”

“Me neither.”

The charming and familiar laugh that spilled through the speaker reminded you that Jungkook was in fact a real person. Not some figmented embodiment of every lost and unrequited and tortuous feeling you had been suppressing for twelve years. Jungkook was real, his laugh and everything else you loved about him were all so incredibly real. And more importantly, the pure joy you felt was real; a permanent serialization of his. Your smiles and his smiles had always surfaced in tandem.

Now, you both were laughing. Neither were warranted by his messy attempt at forming a coherent sentence. The weight of discomfort shedding from your shoulders had been partnered with a slew of relieved chuckles.

“Anyway, um. I- I still wanna see you on our Friendiversary. Or, at least give you your gift.” Admitting that was terrifying but the thought of breaking the consecutive streak of eleven years simply because he was too much of a coward to admit he wanted to see you dizzied him. However, the thought of spending your friendiversary alone terrified him beyond comprehension. So, he thought not about that as a possibility; he carved an opening to his heart in hope you wouldn’t send sharp thorns of rejection into it.

“Yeah, I, uh. I still wanna see you too. I mean, it is a national holiday. We gotta have holiday spirit, right?” You were forcing playful banter, it felt like lemon juice scouring cuts on your tongue, but you were so desperate to make things between you two feel normal.

“You’re right! So, um… You can come over tomorrow night. I’ll set up a surprise or whatever.” He seemed to have fallen back into stride with pre-confession Jungkook. Trying to keep up with him now would just exhaust you of all your means, so you chose to save the rest for tomorrow night. Even if that meant watching him walk away to some unforeseeable finish line; his back, the last part of him you’d see until you could finally collect your broken pieces and start walking as well.

“Sounds good! I’ll, um, see you then.”

“See you, ___.”

You had no idea, and how could you, that Jungkook was now wiping small clusters of wetness from the bed of his eyelids. Why he thought you, the one person that remained a constant in his life, would say no to him over one fight (of many) made for quite the spill of tears. But if you did know, you would have told him you felt like crying too.

"Hey! How did everything go?" You were so immersed in your virtual conversation with Jungkook you nearly forgot the person you were presently with. The train of guilt wouldn't stop for your pathetic attempts at disembarking.

"Oh! Thanks for the coffee." You sipped, and it had just been a stall to blink away the tears that were straying beyond your will of concealment. "It went good. We're still celebrating our Friendiversary."

"Friendiversary?" Seokjin's light chuckle veiled his tense concern.

"Yeah... Uh, it's just this thing we do to celebrate our friendship. The day we met."

"Oh... that's..." His eyes were scaling the rim of his mug.

"That's what, Seokjin?" You were stern, knowing well enough it was born of far more than platonic defensiveness. And you had no right to be the one prosecuting him since you clearly had more to hide than meets the eye.

"I mean, it's just interesting how dedicated you are to an anniversary with a friend." Seokjin wielded that soft-spoken voice which made it difficult to be anything but patient with him. And from the tone of it, he seemed to have no ill intentions with that statement, though it had not been an entirely innocent observation. To you, however, it felt like he might as well have set you on fire.

"Interesting? What is that supposed to even mean? I mean, we've been friends for twelve years. I- I don't know why people are always so judgmental." Your arms crossed over your chest, hoping he would take notice how much his comment slighted you. If asked, you would have insisted you would have been this worked up over any of your friends. Though you knew well enough this was untrue, and it made you feel even worse acting as though Seokjin was the one at fault here.

"I'm sorry. I'm not judging you, really. I just... I just have never heard of two friends doing something like that so religiously."

You sighed out all your anger, knowing the way you snapped at him was merely misdirected frustration. "No, I'm sorry. I know it's kinda weird."

"Look, I get it. You guys are close. But, ___, you talk about him so much that half, no, over half of your stories include him. We've been dating for, what, barely a week now, and I know more about this Jungkook guy than I know about you, and I haven't even met him."

Lips parted, ready to dispatch another slew of defenses to refute all the things he said. It was more disappointing than it was shocking to find nothing but a long sigh emerging. Because he was right. Jungkook has been interwoven so thoroughly in your last twelve years that if you only told the stories without him in it, then it would be the least accurate and nondescript retelling of your life. Fragments of an unfinished novel. It would miss the most crucial pieces, entire chapters, of your story.

You would have been presenting a shell of you, hollow and one dimensional. All the inner parts of you, the lungs and veins and tissue that gave you life and made you whole belonged solely with Jungkook.

That's why you sat there, blank faced, foolishly waiting for the words that wouldn't come to your aid because you had no place to contend with him.

"Seokjin... I'm with you..." It's all that would come up your throat, and it felt like acid. You were sure it burned his ears when he heard them more than it had your throat.

It hadn’t even been partially true. Physically you were with him, but in your head you were sitting on your couch with Jungkook, consuming a concerning amount of junk food while chatting through a movie used more as background noise than entertainment.

"Okay. Does that mean you don't have feelings for him?"

"Well..."

"Can you confidently say you could replace all the time you spend with him with time you would spend with me?" Seokjin must have noticed your returning tears because he loosened his verbal grip from your throat. To you, it sounded like he was pacifying you for some horrible sin, to anyone else it sounded as though he was simply trying to dredge up feelings that would disrupt the chance of a relationship between you and him. "___, I like you. I really do, but in all honesty, I'm looking for something serious. I think we would be great together, but only if you don't have any feelings left for him."

"Seokjin..." You regretted looking at him.

Sweetness was strewn in his eyes and gentle smile. Seokjin was softer than cotton, which made the real threat, the rough sandpaper wearing away skin and bones, you. It made it all the more painful to know you had been keeping everything you felt for Jungkook hidden from Seokjin. Though, if one would have presented an objective point of view, your feelings were far from secretive. And the most brutal honesty was that you knew feelings for Seokjin were never in your attainability. Not the way they always had been for Jungkook.

He was the wrong person who crossed paths with you at the right moment. A mere convenience. And you knew he deserved much more than what you had to offer.

"And maybe I'm being an idiot, but I like you too much to give you some ultimatum which would put you in such an unfair position. So, I'll let you think this over." His compassion felt more like a sharp blow to your chest. “No pressure.”

If he hadn’t smiled like he did, then you would have broken up with him right then and there. It was not possible to rip away such tender hope away from a smile so sweet.

"I'm sorry." You meant the remorse behind those words and it still hadn’t amounted to a proper consolation. "I'm sorry. I guess... I guess I'll go... Seokjin?”

“Yes?” He replied quickly, and you knew only a pace that rapid was one brought on by a sliver of faith that you might have made your decision right then.

“You’re a really great person. You deserve the world.”

Unfortunately, you couldn’t give him what he wanted. And as bitter and unkind as that might have felt at the moment, it was the only bit of truth and relent you could have offered him.

-----

In your bed, sleep became somewhat of an abstract desire. You knew your rest was deprived from you when the digital clock on your bedside told you it was six hours past the time you'd normally fall asleep. It was because you really did have a choice to make now.

To choose Seokjin, and know you'd collapse in the safety of his reciprocated affection, though haunted by how you would never feel the fullest extent of content. And you would live with that until resentment and distance wedged irreversible damage in your relationship.

Or, to choose Jungkook, which would catapult you into a depth so dark and tenuous that you would have no idea whether you'd meet gentle snow or hard, deadly concrete when you landed. And maybe you'd never land at all; maybe you would be caught in a state of falling down and down forever, until your beating heart eventually stilled.

Which one was worth it? Which were you willing to risk? These were the questions that kept you awake.

The hours leading to your undisclosed celebration events with Jungkook ceased being actual points of your existence and merely obstructions that you had to plow through in order to arrive at some conclusive moment. Something that might give you an answer to all your questions. Something that might have released you from devotedly checking your phone for a Jungkook patented text or call.

You were turning into a half-being. Someone who could only inhale a full breath, laugh an intentional laugh, and sleep a soundless sleep when their other half was there.

If you thought being in love with Jungkook for your entire friendship was pathetic, then you couldn’t fathom what you had become now.

Standing in front of his door, the same one you lugged him to that night he was too drunk to balance on his feet, when you willingly carried all the weight he couldn’t, when your lips became acquainted and comfortable with his within half a beat, you felt as if this chunk of wood was mocking you. A partition barricading you from Jungkook. Your Jungkook. The man you always felt you were on the outskirts of, with only a window to peer into his unreadable mind. And that was enough for you ―until now.

Now you were going to knock on that door with your hand, make him open it for you, and walk into his home. You would be the one to step foot inside of the very structure that only solicited closed doors and immovable walls and fogged windows. And you would leave behind your timidity, every feeling and urge that left you with disappointing compromises for the sake of maintaining this friendship.

You would be selfish, and he would finally feel a mere glimpse of what you have always felt for the best and worst of your life.

Even when he opened the door, arming a smile that actively disarmed you, this home of his was yours to conquer. This was your time to act for you alone, despite how many smiles he sent your way. You had not any weapons or shields or an infantry for a clutch. You just had your heart and all the love it carried. 

“Hey! ___, you look… You look great.” There was no real incentive for him to censor how he truly thought you looked. Immeasurably beautiful. It was simply his own nerves impeding on the feelings that were too intense to express without it being followed by an entire soliloquy of I love you’s.

“Thanks... You too...” You could almost feel the words brimming in your and Jungkook’s mouth, carrying such raw emotions and longing intentions.

"I'm really glad that- Jungkook..." Walking into his house punctuated what you were about to say.

His living room was strewn with enough candles to steal the last of your words and to consider his house a fire hazard. That didn't negate this lovely sea of lights to be anything but romantic and thoughtful. A bit cluttered, and not at all perfect, but it must have taken Jungkook hours to set up every wax column. The thoughtfulness of this gesture would have astonished you had it not been for the consistency of Jungkook snatching your breath and words away whenever he tried. It was antithetical, the way you expected his surprises. Yet, always surprised all the same.

Unpredictable, completely surrounding you just like the rain.

"I had to turn off my fire detector but... Worth it." Jungkook considered the number of mishaps that could have dampened any chance of this being romantic.

A candle could tip over and set his entire place ablaze, the wax could leak onto his carpet and tabletops, damaging his furniture and savings for replacements, you and he could have suffocated from all the fumes steaming from the wick. But if that look on your face didn't feel like the only bit of revival to keep his heart's steady beating, if your eyes didn’t look as though it was the only set of eyes that shed beauty into this world then he wouldn't have used up exactly three lighters to pull this stunt. But it did, and he felt warmth and color return to every inch of his body.

He would have used hundreds of lighters to ignite thousands of candles if that meant an ounce of happiness from you. He wanted to say that, but he knew the candles said it for him.

The spectacle almost made you forget why you were here in the first place. It almost made you forget the resolve you managed to gather before entering. And then he said your name.

"___."

The letters flowing from his lips as if they could only be pronounced by his tongue. It sounded so good. So good, that if anyone else were to say it then it wouldn't have been your name at all. It would have sounded wrong, sullied. And it wasn't supplied by neat articulation, this new belonging of your name in his mouth. The need for him to sculpt your name into this world was more than that. "I will never forgive myself if I don't get this out while I still can."

"Jungkook, what is all this?" You didn't know why you felt a collection of tears brimming along your eyes, but you didn't care to figure it out. Perhaps you felt an influx of feelings, an abundance too heavy for your body to seal within the confines of your emotional seams, so they overflowed in the form of tears. This certainly had not been the first time you cried over Jungkook, but you had never cried over him like this.

"___, I love you!" Jungkook said loudly. It was just you and him who could hear, but it felt as though he wanted the entire world to know.

"What? I- You- What?" Your lack of verbal poise was indicative of your love for him once again taking the reins of your mind and heart. Words were a luxury you couldn't afford as of now. You just had to feel everything you were feeling until the rainstorm settled. The hope that he would spare you some remnants of fluency was far along, and you weren't too sure if what Jungkook was about to say would be gentle enough to leave you with any words at all.

"I love you. I don't know why I didn't know it sooner. Or maybe, I- Maybe I did know?" Jungkook sighed at his own ineloquence. "I'm stupid! That's it. That's my only excuse. I'm so stupid. The way I felt about you, the way I still feel about you, is something I thought all best friends had. I thought everyone felt like the moments they weren't spending with their best friends just felt like filler moments. Like, every day I spent without you was just a span of time I had to wait out until I see you again. Like every damn moment of my life is spent waiting for you. And if I don't end up with you then... then I'll never stop waiting."

"Jungkook, I-" He prevailed in surprising you, taking words and breath and thoughts all at once.

"And, I'm that stupid! I really thought all best friends had those moments when they stare at you, and- and-" Now, you weren't the only one with wet eyes and cheeks. "And I just feel like looking at you and being with you just makes me better. It makes me a better person, or something, and it makes me feel like... Like I'll never get hurt again. And even if I do get hurt, I know it's you I want to be there. I know that whenever something bad happens to you, or when you feel like crying or when you're happy or angry or anything that I want to be the one who gets to be by your side. When I look at you, all I want is to love you. To love all your pain away."

"You really mean that?"

"Yes! God, I love you." You didn't notice how it happened, but Jungkook's arms became a shield around you. Inside his arms you were indestructible. Your hands pressed against his cheeks, memorizing the plush, smooth skin. The world could hurl all the fire and ice it had, but it wouldn’t matter. "___, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out. I'm sorry that in that period, I hurt you. Please, forgive me. I love you, and I want to be with you."

"Of course, I forgive you. I... I can't believe this." Hearing everything you always wanted from him was drastically different when it was actually unfolding. It was a million times more than any hope or dream you used as a salve for your longing. It was everything.

"Maybe it took so long because I was afraid. Because the idea of loving you was something I wasn't ready for. Even though I did love you, God, who was I to take on something as fragile and crucial as loving you. I know I probably would have messed it up. And, fuck, maybe I'm messing it up right now. But I just needed it to be perfect. I needed loving you to be perfect because I don't want to give you anything less than that."

"You were always enough for me, Jungkook. More than enough. You were and are everything to me" His arms that pressed you further into him expressed how happy that made him. 

"But I'm not perfect yet. I might mess up... A lot. No, I'll definitely mess up. I don't know if I can offer you perfect yet. But I do know that through everything I have never stopped loving you and I will never stop loving you."

"Jungkook... I don't know what to say." Your thumb grazed a falling tear from his face. Jungkook had not cried often in front of you; and you could tally up the amount of times he had on your fingers alone. But when he did, it was still as beautiful as when he was smiling or laughing or even scowling.

"You could say you love me back." You did. You loved him, his smile that was currently on a mission to melt your heart, his arms that carried both the good and bad parts of you, his wit that you always relished in. All the reasons to love him were an endless flowing river. If you were lucky enough, you would catch a glimpse of each beautiful current and be able to give name to the gravity that pulled you into him.

"I love you too, you idiot." The last word caught in your throat because your lips were being kissed instead.

His lips. Warm and exciting, allotting your being with an infinite devotion of his. And it was more than you could have ever hoped for.

It felt like fire. Like a grove of candles encapsulating the origin of heat. You and Jungkook, holding each other so close, you could have become one. Hot and all-consuming of anything in its path. If one stood too close, they would suffer scorching embers that stray from the orange pyres. Seokjin, Irene, and any other unassuming casualty that had the misfortune of stepping between the two of you, harboring the burn scars to remind them of what fumed from their interference.

Every element concocting between you and him was that of a bright flame, cremating pure metals and wet woods and thick forests alike.

You were in his home. His arms and lips and hands told you it was your home as well. All that time spent wondering why you could never slip inside before was never because he didn't want to let you in. And the thing is, you never thought to knock until now. You sat outside in a silenced hope that he would voluntarily open that door for you. But unknown to you, Jungkook seemed to be waiting as well. Waiting in a large room with empty spaces where you belonged and where he kept reserved for your residence alone.

He waited even when he wasn't quite sure of who he was waiting for, or if you would ever actually spill your warmth into his home. He waited until his fingers turned to ice and his eyes fell to exhaustion, for you to walk inside.

"So, you're like my boyfriend now?" Your voice brushed against his smiling lips.

"Yeah, your boyfriend, or whatever."

"You know this means you have to top next year's friendiversary. And I mean, all these candles? That's gonna be tough." It could have counted as sensory overload, the feeling of his palms flush against your back, the tip of his nose grazing yours, the bright array of candles illuminating the room. But you were so, incredibly cold without him that this felt like solace to you.

"When have I ever disappointed you?" Jungkook regretted what came out of his mouth too late to stop himself from saying it.

"Oh, I couldn't count the amount of times on my fingers alone! What about that time you forgot our chains for the tires on our trip to the mountains? We almost died." His eye roll only encouraged you to continue. Maybe, if you were lucky, he'd equip that cute pout whenever he wanted his way. "Or what about when you swore you brought water, but three miles in on our hike you had that look on your face. You know I reminded you to get water and you swore you did. Or what about-"

"Okay! I get it! I fuck up, jeez." He scrunched his nose, his eyes waning into crescents courtesy of that grin of his. You counted the number of wrinkles along the bridge of his nose as you always did, though you had acquired an expertise in the geography of his face. Each line and angle and ridge were now and eternally yours to restudy and marvel. "Hey, uh, almost forgot."

He reached into his front left pocket. "I, um, kept carrying it around thinking I'd see you somewhere. Kinda dumb right?"

"Not dumb." You opened the tiny box, wound the handle until the spring felt tight and you could see the throngs prick the textured wheel, and it was one of those moments where you didn't see a gift in your hand. You simply saw his thought and sentiment manifested as a box of wood that sung a tune.

All the things Jungkook wanted to give you, the sun and the moon and the entire universe were not his to give. So for now, he settled for this music box and there would be a day when he would collect each celestial being and place them right into your hands. Maybe then, he would feel less of a debt for possessing such a love like yours.

"This is... I love it. Thank you, Jungkook." You smiled, but it was motivated in the hopes he would smile back. You thought he deserved that much, at least. And he did.

"Sooooo... Can I tell Seokjin that you're actually in love with me and that he sucks ba-"

"Um, absolutely not!" As always, his crudeness and slight inability to remain mature for too long only wedged you deeper in love.

So, terribly in love. Your state of constant craving for Jeon Jungkook had been left barren. That desolate, solitary province was no longer yours to take residence in.

You had a home now. And you had no need to crave Jungkook anymore. He was right here, holding you.

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.”

a/n: okay, cry with me.... these two.... such hopeless saps for each other i'm here for it. final destination is simp city... also (spoiler) it is completely canon that irene and seokjin bond over their mutual heartbreaks and get to smitten hehehe. anyway, my loves i hope you enjoyed this finale as much as i enjoyed writing it!!! it was a short but heartfelt journey with these two and i will miss their idiocy sm. thank u for your endless support i love u all!!! <3

[anakinlove]

Hi wow okay, so I definitely cried whilst writing this. I absolutely took this great romantic prompt and deSTROYED IT I am so sorry anon 😭😭

If enough people come into my ask box and yell it me I could be persuaded to write a part 2 happy ending 😌

✨requests are open✨

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Set It Free

1.5k words (angst)

Sometimes, when Y/n thought about her boyfriend, she thought about the avril. Native to Yavin 8, the bird was a large hawk-like lifeform. It was beautiful as it soared high in the air. Being the top of its food chain, the avril was also ferocious, swooping in and killing its prey in one bated breath. Anakin was a lot like the avril, both beautiful and ferocious, and so completely beyond Y/n.

She wonders now, how she had ever let herself fall so completely for him. But then, there always was something so freeing about his smile, his eyes. Y/n remembers with such clarity the first time she saw that smile,

“Hey! Y/n, wait up!” Y/n whipped around, looking for the source of the voice, only to see Anakin Skywalker jogging after her. 

“Skywalker. To what do I owe the pleasure?” Y/n raised her eyebrow at the boy, looking him over. She couldn’t deny that he was attractive, but with his usually shorn hair overgrown he looked a bit like a narglatch. 

“Well, I uh, I noticed you looked confused today in class?” That was funny. In all her years of classes with Anakin, Y/n had never known him to stumble over his words. The boy was always so confident, cheeky even. 

“I guess you could say that. The Huttese dialect is much more…” Y/n bounced her head, looking for the right word, “well, less refine than basic.”

Anakin snorted, looking down at his toes. He didn’t say anything. Y/n waited for him to speak but he just stood there, looking down.

“Skywalker?” Y/n prompted. Anakin whipped his head up.

“I was just going to offer, as I’m fluent, if you might want a tutor?” Anakin said softly. Y/n was thoroughly confused with the Anakin was acting. First, he stumbles over his words, and now one could say he looked bashful! Still, she really was awful with Huttese, and of course she knew the Chosen One to be from Tatooine, therefore he must know the language well.

“Yeah, okay, I’d really appreciate the help. Does today in about four standard-hours work?” Y/n smiled up at him.

“Yeah, yeah that works great!” Anakin grinned, bouncing up and down, “Sorry, but I’m late for meditation with my Master, I have to go!” He looked one last time in Y/n direction and walked back the way he came.

Y/n could only stand there, speechless. In all of the time she’s known him, she couldn’t remember ever seeing him smile like that. It left her breathless, standing like a fool in the middle of the hall, staring after him. 

Looking back on it now, it was so clear to tell that he had just wanted to spend time with her. Get to know her, be her friend. He never had that many friends in the temple, Y/n knows. Choosing to spend his time with Master Kenobi or tinkering with droids in his quarters. Sometimes spending time with Aayla Secura, but only when they both had time, which was few and far between.

Y/n reached their shared apartment, separate from the Temple. It was eight months ago when Anakin suggested finding someplace where they could be themselves, away from the rules of the Jedi. Together, they found this place. It was small, but it was them. It was Anakin’s boots by the door, his tools scattered randomly, oil staining parts of the carpet no matter how much either of them scrubbed. It was Y/n’s robe by the door, her favorite mug left on the counter from her morning coffee, hair ties left in every crevice of the couch. 

Y/n’s heart hurt looking around the room, and his smell suffocated her, leaving her more choked up than she already was. She looked at the chronometer on the counter, its time indicated that Anakin should be home, and squared her shoulders. She found him just where she knew he would be, hunched over his desk, fiddling with something so small It should have been impossible.

She stood in the door, watching him, for what felt like an eternity. Taking in the pattern of his curls today, the way he bounced his knee, and the back of his shoulders as they rose and fell with each breath. She knew that he knew she was there. He was so attuned with the force that he probably felt her four blocks away. His power was unimaginable. He was radiant, a glowing force that any force-sensitive could have felt him from a mile away. All the more reason, for Y/n to not be the one to dampen him. 

After a while, or probably when he finished whatever he was doing, he placed his project down and stretched. If Y/n wasn’t already devastated, she might have laughed at just how many joints he popped with one movement. It was a wonder that Y/n had managed to shield her feelings from him so well, knowing that he should have felt what was wrong the second he felt her. 

“Hi, angel, how was your day?” Anakin finally looked up, a smile softening his features. Y/n could say nothing, staying in the doorway. 

“Y/n?” Anakin stood, slowly walking over to her. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in. Just for a second, Y/n told herself, you can indulge yourself for only a second. Y/n steeled herself, forcing herself to pull away. 

“What’s wrong? What’s happened?” Anakin scrunched his eyebrows, staring down at her. He was unnerved at how blank she was, scared even.

Wanting it all to be over, to be able to never have to do it again, Y/n prepared herself to speak. 

“I think,” she paused to try to control her tears, “I think we should stop.” And there, the words that had been controlling her all day were finally out. 

“Stop? Stop what?” Anakin’s voice was measured, words slow. 

“This. Us” Y/n looked down, unable to look him in the eyes. 

“Us. Us? Why? Why would you ever think that? What’s happened? Have I done something? Y/n you can’t just walk in and say that what is it?” Frantically Anakin tried to catch her eyes, ducking his head down into her view. Y/n shook hard, doing everything she could to hold in her breakdown, despite her efforts, tears began to track down her cheeks. She took measured breaths, counting each one. 

“I cannot be the one to hold you back.” Her voice cracked, more tears leaking through.

“Hold me back? Hold me back from what? You could never hold me back! If anything, I’m where I am because of you!” Anakin raised his voice but didn’t shout. 

“No, Anakin, you deserve to be the greatest jedi of them all, to have everything you’ve ever wanted. I cannot take that away from you. I won’t.” Y/n voice shook, but she was determined as ever, trying to just make him understand that this was for him. Not her. 

“But I want you, not to be some… some great jedi! I want you.” He pleaded. 

“Anakin you don’t understand, your place is on a throne!” Y/n sobbed, backing away from him. 

“No, my place is by your side!” He walked towards her, reaching for her. She evaded his every attempt, solid in her decision. 

“Y/n, please, stop. Come back, think about this. Let’s talk about this.” Anakin begged. 

“There’s nothing to talk about, Ani. This is all for you, for your life.” She replied. 

“But I don’t want this!” Anakin tried again, once more advancing. 

Y/n shook her head and backed further away, towards the door. Taking a quick look around the room, she thought of every happy memory here. All the times they cuddled on the couch, the one Life Day they spent here, every moment. Each called to her, and she longed to answer, to stay. But she couldn’t.  Looking once more at Anakin, at his state of disarray. The tears in his eyes, his hair mussed from his hands, his body shaking. It broke her more than any of the words she said did. 

“I’m sorry.” Y/n cried, turning around for the final time, grabbing her robe and walking out of the door. 

“Y/n! Y/n wait!” Anakin lurched forward, desperately calling out for her. By the time he reached the door, she was gone. He fell to his knees then and cried. Cried for Y/n, for their life, for the ring he was working on a room over.

As Y/n walked away, hood drawn, she thought once again of the avril. Free to soar high above, without anything shackling him to the ground. A force of nature, unbelievable, and so, so beautiful. 

Taglist:

@anakinswhore @gonnakickanakinskywalker @etherealsanakin @ani-skyvvalker @haydens-moles @anakinshmanikin @anakinsprincess @agent-catfish-kenobi @saltybreaddream

[elliewritessometimes]

hello! me n @mattieswheelers wrote another fic!! tiff is the most incredible writing partner and i- i just love them???? thanky so much for writing with me you are a stunning writer aaaa (y'all there will be a second chapter stay tuned fdhhddh aLSO we are posting this on ao3 it will be there at some point)

in other news: this was originally a request!! @notsomightymightytiger it may have taken me uh- a good couple of months but here is your fic!!!

for reference, these numbers apply to these tropes: first kiss/flowers of romance/blind date

LOVE YOU KIERA AND TIFF AAAAA HOPE YOU LIKE

tw: swearing, alcohol and drunkenness but not in an angsty farrah way just in a silly oops first date way, as per usual if there's anything at all you want me to tag let me know :D

---

Eva thought she was doing perfectly fine without a romantic partner. Her life was normal, one filled with work and friends and scrolling through Pinterest.

Apparently, in the eyes of her best friend, this was not a normal life. Farrah had always been a bit extra, that one kid in highschool who always seemed to know where the best parties were, or who was known by name to the baristas at the local Starbucks, and by the ripe old age of 22, she believed that a romantic partner was crucial to living a fulfilling life.

Or, at least, that you should at least try romance once before becoming a hermit in the woods, especially if your name was Eva Sanchez.

(“Look, normally I wouldn’t be like this,” Farrah drawled, leaning against a counter, “But deep inside  you are nothing but a useless gay at heart-”

Her phone buzzed.

“-and you haven’t dated anyone, like, ever, and if I have to be the only one constantly dragging you out to social gatherings, I’m going to die early. So do me a solid, will you?”

“Hey-!”)

Eva did not agree.

But, she was a loyal friend, and that was how she found herself sitting in an overly posh restaurant on some random blind date with some random person that she’d never even seen before. It would be an understatement to say she was a little bit nervous, but then again, whenever Farrah was involved, that was normal.

***********: hi sorry i got your number from the blind date place thing but uh are you the person at the table in the corner

***********: ???denim jacket ?? pride pin??

Eva smiled, glancing up at the door. There was another person looking a little lost in the entrance, very obviously trying not to draw attention to themselves, their phone held close to their face as they squinted around at the restaurant. They were pretty, dark hair pulled up into a loose ponytail, obviously not dressed for a restaurant as upper class as this one. Eva liked them immediately. Raising a hand, she waved in their direction, laughing as her date gasped dramatically, hurrying over and nearly overturning a tray of drinks on their way.

“Hello.”

“Look-” Eva’s date slumped in the seat opposite, one hand awkwardly held behind their back. “I dunno about you, but I certainly did not willingly sign up for this. You see, my friend wanted me to apparently live a more interesting life and stop relying on Tumblr as my only source of interaction with anyone, and my friend is very persuasive, so here I am.”

Eva raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, so I wanted to get that out of the way before we even introduce ourselves. I am here out of spite only, so, uh, I hope you’re not too desperate.” They paused, finally taking a breath. “Right. The more I think about this, the more embarrassed I get.”

“It’s okay.” Eva gave a noise which sounded suspiciously like a snort. “Let’s not think about it then. I’m Eva. She/her. It’s nice to meet you, unwilling datemate.”

They grinned. “Kate. She/they.” She gasped a little like she’d forgotten something. “Oh! I brought flowers. Chess said it would be romantic.”

Eva accepted the offered flowers with a blush. This date was going better than expected. Farrah was going to lose her shit when she heard about it. “Wait- You have a friend called Chess?? Like, the game???”

Kate rolled their eyes, casually snatching a bright pink cocktail off a passing waiter’s tray. “Duh. You didn’t really see me walk in this fucking posh ass restaurant in my flannel and converse and think I’d be normal, right?”

Eva laughed then, properly. It had only been a few short, chaotic minutes, but she was already warming to this mystery person and, God, they had good taste in flowers. Even if Eva’s nerd hermit brain did helpfully choose that moment to remind her that this particular bunch of flowers presented a meaning that translated almost exactly to ‘fuck you’. She wondered if Kate was aware of that. However, perhaps that was a fun fact for the second date.

-

“Hey, Eva?” Kate was slightly tipsy. Only a little bit! Really not that bad. Not at all. Definitely not too drunk for a first date. Shut up. “Hey! You’re- so cool.”

Eva giggled - she was equally as drunk, but not quite so intoxicated as to stop wondering why the restaurant hadn’t thrown them out yet. “Noooooo. ‘m a nerd.”

“Yeah, but a cool nerd.” Kate twirled the decorative candle between her fingers, drawing stares from disapproving patrons. The flame reflected in Eva’s glasses, making her just a little bit more smitten by the second. They enclosed their hand around the candle holder as best they could, standing up just a little shakily. “Eva-” It was like they got a rush from just saying her name. Eva thought it was endearing. “Hey- we- we should go…”

“Why?” She narrowed her eyes, also standing up, her long-discarded denim jacket slung over one arm, the other naturally slipping to link arms with Kate.

“....Arson.” Kate sounded entirely serious, still twizzling the candle in one hand. Eva blinked dumbly at her, mouth slightly open. They pressed a gentle kiss to the side of Eva’s mouth, giggling uncharacteristically at the motion. “I’m jokingggg! Don’t look so shook, my dude.”

Eva stuttered a little, letting Kate pull her finally out of the restaurant, marvelling at the fact she’d only known this incredible, crazy person for a matter of hours. Who knew where tonight would take them?

-

They found themselves in a park, gazing up at the stars, now dim in the reflections of the city lights. Kate’s phone flashed 11:46 in the dark, the lock screen filled with notifications from a contact who’s name consisted only of a chess piece.

Eva lay down on the grass, spreading her arms out towards the stars. “Do you ever think about life?”

“Sure. All the time. I’m alive, and so are you, and I think you’re really pretty. Does that count?” Kate flopped down beside her.

“I- I mean, yeah- um,” Eva tried not to sound flustered, thankful for the darkness that hid the color rising in her cheeks. “But like, life. Scientifically. Relatively.”

“Uh-huh. Yeah, I totally do. Um. Do I?”

Eva laughed, turning her head slightly to gaze at Kate. Under the light of the stars, they looked… ethereal. And really, really, really beautiful. And-

Eva coughed slightly, turning back towards the night sky. “Just… think about it. I’m lying here beside you, on a giant marble that hurtles through space. Relatively speaking, our orbit and path are unique, and all around us, the other planets are… swirling in harmony, and we’re just. We’re just here to see it.”

Kate hummed. “You sound like those philosophical people, all ‘if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, did it really fall?’ and ‘relatively speaking I am relatively here, and I’m relatively certain… blah blah blah.’”

“Huh. Do I?” Eva shrugged, putting her hands behind her head. “I dunno. I’m drunk. I think. Oh, no, I’m relatively drunk, ha ha- okay no, I’m just drunk.”

“You are,” Kate nodded wisely. “We both are.”

“Do you know what Albert Einstein said once?” Eva asked abruptly, closing her eyes. “He said, ‘When you’re courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.’ And if that isn’t the most relatable thing he’s ever said, then, well- okay yeah I’ve lost my train of thought.”

“Wow,” said Kate. “Did Albert Einstein court lots of nice girls?”

“Pfft.” Eva rolled onto her side, laughing openly in Kate’s face. “Sure. Why not.”

They rolled to face Eva, curling up into a ball, softer than the 22-year-old had seen her all evening. “Not as nice as the one I’m courting right now.”

“Even though neither of us really wanted to be here earlier?”

“Yeah. Y’know, I’m fucking glad our best friends basically set us up. It’s very pog of them.”

“You did not just say ‘pog’. You did not.” Eva groaned into the slightly damp, slightly disgusting grass, listening to Kate cackle next to her.

“Shit, dude, my secret’s out. I’m just as much of a nerd as you.” She leant their head on Eva’s outstretched arm, burrowing into her side.

Eva paused then, draping her other arm around Kate, thinking quietly. It was stupid, really, that they were cuddling in the openness of a park at almost midnight. Dangerous, definitely, especially when you took in the candle still flickering far too close to Kate’s now loose hair. Some more sensible people, maybe Farrah’s sister, would say that it was stupid how close they’d grown in so few hours. But Kate and Eva weren’t sensible people, not really, and maybe this was completely normal for them. Nerds lived life differently. “We’re not like other girls… we’re nerds.”

Kate barked out a laugh again, pressing yet another small kiss to the top of Eva’s head.

Eva thought she might melt into a puddle right then and there.

God, she was so in love.

Kate looked up at the sky. “Y’know, for all your philosophical talk, you should be an inspirational speaker. Be on goddamn TedTalks or something, blow the crowd away with all that ‘the future’s in the palm of my hand!!’ bullshit.”

“Well,” Eva said, trying to sound completely sober (and failing), “I think all I could ever want is in the palm of my hand, right now.”

Kate paused for a moment, registering the fact that Eva had just cupped her hands around their face. “Wow. That was smooth.”

“Right?? I’m honestly impressed and I was the one who said it. Wait, is that hubris? Oh shoot, am I developing an ego? Or maybe I’m just drunk?” Eva’s head was seriously starting to hurt.

“You deserve an ego,” Kate nodded sagely. “You are so amazing. Seriously. You should have an ego. Dab on the haters and all that jazz, right? Right.”

Eva giggled, unable to take her eyes away from Kate’s. “What the shit?”

“Dude! Dab on the haters. ‘m fuckin’ right, and you know I am.”

“Mkay.”

“Lit.” Kate dragged her gaze from Eva’s, instead staring up at the stars. “If we weren’t drunk right now, I’d be kissing the hell out of you.”

Eva pouted. Apparently Drunk-Eva was limited to the facial expressions of a twelve year old. “Who’s to say you can’t kiss me now.”

“We’re drunk, Eva.” They waved their hands, casually flipping off the moon. “Consent.”

“If you think about drunk...ness. Drunkenness? Drunkness. Whatever.” She coughed. “If you think about it like maths, then because we’re both drunk, it cancels out, right? Like, drunk you minus drunk me equals zero drunks overall, yeah?” Pausing, she ran a hand over her face, watching Kate smirk and wriggle closer out of the corner of her eye. “What I’m saying is, yes, I give you permission to kiss me-” Kate leaned closer and Eva laid a gentle finger on their lips. “But only if I get to kiss you back.”

The two met in the middle, naturally coming together. Some might describe them as magnets, two poles attracted, unable to stay away from each other. Others might say soulmates, meant to find each other from birth. Or, just maybe, stars, gravitationally pulled together, ready to explode into another plane of existence, one so different from our reality that we can’t even begin to imagine the wonders that they’ll find.

However, this is reality, and somehow Kate and Eva are still grounded on our Earth, stars maybe, but ones made of ancient stardust no longer free to travel the universe. They found themselves pulling apart after two worlds collided, an unknown period of time passing as it happened. Eva’s fingers didn’t untangle themselves from their comfortable seat amongst Kate’s hair, the closeness making their noses brush, spouting giggles from both young adults.

“Well, that was fun.” Kate brushed hair out of Eva’s face, one arm still wrapped tight around her waist, pulling her closer as she shivered in the night air.

“Yeah?” Eva pressed her forehead to theirs. “Why don’t we try it again, huh?”

---

“I told you so,” Farrah smirked, picking at a freshly baked blueberry muffin. “See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Eva huffed, failing to come up with an argument.

Over by the kitchen counter, Mattie snorted. “I find it kinda funny that the single girl insists that love is the answer to anything.”

“Well- it’s not like I’ve never dated!”

“Suuuuure,” Mattie rolled her eyes, hopping off the counter and snatching a muffin. “Anyways, at least Eva has a significant other now. That’s the biggest victory, right? Other than the celebratory muffins, of course.”

Eva sighed. “Is it really that big of a deal that Farrah’s plan worked?”

“Yep!” Farrah grinned, taking a bite of muffin.

“Technically, my plan, but okay,” Mattie shrugged.

Eva almost dropped her muffin. “What.”

Mattie grinned, a devilish glint appearing in her eye. “Believe it or not, I am also friends with none other than the amazing Chess, and since her friend Kate- who is also my friend, by the way- was being a mopey mess around the same time as you, I just had to take it upon myself to play matchmaker! So I’d like at least 50% of the credit and reward, please and thank you.”

“I- what-” Eva sputtered, trying to come to terms with the new information. “Mattie- you- oh my God.”

“Oh my God indeed,” Mattie bit into her muffin and swallowed. “So anyways, you’re welcome for getting you a girlfriend.”

Eva stared at the younger girl, mouth slightly open and muffin hanging loosely in her hand. Farrah clapped a hand over her mouth as she wheezed through a mess of sugar and blueberries, earning herself a death stare from Eva. Phone in one hand, Mattie continued eating her muffin as though nothing had happened, the teasing look on her face only exaggerating as her phone pinged with a message. “Oh! Speaking of, Chess is outside-”

She was cut off as the door burst open, the handle crashing into Eva’s bookcase, knocking her alarm clock to the ground and presenting two dishevelled figures in the doorway. One of them, a tall student probably in their last year of uni, puffed out a breath, a hand tightly clinging to a much shorter student squirming angrily. “Before you say anything, I tried to prevent any of this happening. Wheeler, I’m blaming you entirely for this.”

Mattie only laughed, offering Chess a muffin with her free hand, “Dude, it was totally your idea.”

Eva tried very hard not to stare as Kate finally freed herself from Chess’ grasp with an indignant yelp. “Fuck off! Eva, babe, sweetheart, love of my life, tell me you didn’t fucking know about this beforehand or I will break up with you.”

“No! God, no! You know I didn’t want to be there just as much as you did.” She rested her head gently on top of Kate’s, arms draped over their shoulders. “Believe you me, I’ve also been sorely betrayed today.”

Farrah gagged across the kitchen. “Ew. We should never have set you two up.”

“Bitch.” Eva grinned affectionately at her best friend, batting Kate’s hand down as they sent a middle finger in Farrah’s direction. Conversations carried on for a while, Chess finally being introduced to Farrah, with a muffin being forcefully placed into her hand. Kate whispered to Eva for a second before going out to take a call. Eva smiled knowingly, leaning on the counter to address Mattie, “So…”

Mattie made a face as Eva raised an eyebrow in her direction. “What are you thinking, Sanchez, I don’t like that face.”

“I don’t know…” She feigned thinking, sticking her tongue out as Kate re-entered the room. “Maybe, a little thank-you gift?? Y’know, me and Kate were thinking just now… Seeing as you set us up so nicely, how about you try a blind date yourself?”

Chess and Farrah stifled a laugh in unison, choking a little on their muffins as Mattie’s eyes got wider in horror. “You didn’t.”

Kate smiled sweetly. “Yup! Tonight, seven thirty. It’s payback time, kid.”

“I hate you.”

[mpregnateyourocs]

Day 2: Aberrant

FFXIV Writing Prompts 

Prompt 2

Welcome to Kouronne’s Kitchen, where good eats and good friends are the special of the day, every day!

Howdy y’all! And welcome back, once again, to Kouronne’s Kitchen. With me your host, Kouronne L’brass.

Today we’re gonna be whippin’ up a favorite of mine ever since I was knee high to a chigoe: dried morbol vines! They’re a popular recipe from my home city of Bahz Bahn. Now, for those who don’t know, Bahz Bahn is a city state located north of Gyr Abania. It’s hot and swampy all year ‘round, and was settled by a tribe of Miqo’te that are pretty different from any you’d find down here in Eorzea. Some maps might say Bahz Bahn is part of the Garlean Empire, but they’re wrong, alright? Bahz Bahn may be occupied, but I’ll tell you right here and right now that those bucket headed bastards ain’t crushed our spirits yet. The resistance will not be silenced, it will not lie down and give in, as long as a Miqo’te draws breath, the swamps won’t be safe for any foreign occupiers.

What do ya mean I can’t… I’m just tellin’ the viewers about my hometown. Yeah I get that Garleans watch this show… Well they oughta know the truth! It’s like my ma always said- Yes sir. I understand sir. No, I don’t like the word cancelled sir.

Anyway! Where were we? Right, dried morbol vines. They are as simple to make as they are delicious, but endlessly customizable! Now this recipe has two components: the vine, and the spice rub. The vine is what most people consider the tricky part. Morbols are pretty dangerous beasts after all, and back in—where I come from—they get to be twice the size that they are here. So if ya can’t go out and hunt a morbol yourself that’s perfectly understandable, you can just buy some from a merchant. Though now that I think of it, I’ve never seen a merchant selling these.

Take a look at these! If you’ve been on your share of adventures, you’ll recognize the two type of vines a morbol’s got. The sturdy bottom ones it uses for locomotion are darn near inedible. Hear that sound? Solid as a rock. We can sell those to a carpenter and make them mighty happy. No, the vines you want to use are these shorter ones that grow on the upper trap. It uses these to sense its surroundings, which is how it always know the direction to aim its stinkin’ breath. Trust me, ya don’t wanna get caught up in that, you’ll be takin’ tomato baths for a week!

Do y’all wanna see somethin’ really cool? Of course ya do! I went out and hunted this here morbol we’ll be usin’ and it had these in it! These are morbol seeds, and they hatch into some nasty brats. Not to worry though, they’re still dormant.

So once you’ve got your vines, how do you prepare them? It’s simple! You wash them and pat them dry—they’re already pretty fragrant at that stage, and they’re only gonna smell better as we go—then once they’re clean you take a knife and cut them into fourths, then you julienne them. Now kids, if you’re gonna make this recipe, ask an adult for help handlin’ the knife, alright? The last thing we want is cuts in the kitchen. As you can see, we already got a lot of morbol vine pieces from that one vine, which is good because I can eat these by the fistful they’re so tasty. Once the vines are dried, they’ll keep for weeks, or longer if you’re storing them somewhere airtight. How do ya dry them? It’s simple! Ya just spread them in a flat layer on a baking sheet like so and pop it in a hot oven. Once again kids, ask a grownup for help with this part. The drying makes the outside crispy, while the inside gets tough and chewy.

What can we do while the vines are dryin’? We could smell the powerful aroma of the vines. It’s very strong, which pairs well with the spice rub we’re gonna make. Like I said at the top, you’re free to tweak this recipe to your heart’s content, this is just a jumpin’ off point to the wider world of dried morbol vines. First thing’s first, gather everything you need and set it on the counter. You’ll want a large bowl with a lid, rock spice, chili powder, cayenne pepper, cinnamon, black pepper, salt, and here’s my secret ingredient: sugar. Remember as you’re mixing these all together to taste as you go, you can always add more, but takin’ anything out is nearly impossible. If ya do mess up though, that’s okay, just toss it and start over, no need to go cryin’ over spilt spice. It’s like I always say: you never hit a target until you’ve missed it twenty times!

The ratios are pretty simple, pick the amount of rock spice ya want then add half the amount of chili powder. Half that for cayenne pepper and continue on until you’re addin’ just a pinch of sugar. Taste the mix… Wow! That’s hot stuff! It’s delicious though, I’ll give ya that! By the way, if ya really can’t stand spicy things, I worked on a recipe that’s got cheese, dried herbs, and more sugar, you can see the two recipes side by side there; they’re both delicious so try them out and see what ya like! Or ya can mix and match ingredients from either recipe.

You should keep the vines drying for at least two hours, but we prepared some beforehand. See how they shrivel up and turn an even darker shade of green?

To spice the vines, put them in the exact same bowl you mixed your spice mix in and shake it all around! It’s a lot of fun! We made enough spice mix that we can make several batches, since these are just plants ya ain’t gotta worry about contamination! If ya wanna present them, take tongs and- lighting troubles? Did it mess up the shot? Where’s the light comin’ fro- oh god the seedlin’s! They ain’t dormant anymore!

Someone hand me my bow!

You should have stayed asleep!

Aly look out!

Woah! Watch where you’re swingin’ that sword Ciel, ya damn near took my head off!

Dec! So glad ya showed up! Nice shot! Hey, when things settle down do ya wanna try-

AAAAAAAAAH!

AETHER CROSS!

Are y’all okay? Talk about a timely rescue, am I right? I should invite y’all to my filmin’ more often. Seriously Dec, you looked so cool! I almost fell for ya right then and there!

Alright, that’s all the time we have for today! Enjoy your dried morbol vines, have fun cookin’, and remember: if your friends ain’t full, get back in the kitchen!

Now how in the seven hells do I turn this damn bucket head contraption off? Ugh, can’t believe the camera man got hit with bad breath. It ain’t that hard to dodge it, Jeremy! Just move to the side! Oh, I think this button here is the off-