#this was hard to write :(

[thengrace]

25 things I learned at 25.

Heartbreak really sucks, but it will teach you priceless lessons.

The best way to get over something is to feel it. Don't distract, don't try to intellectualize, we have to sit with all the hard feelings.

There is still time to make friends - the world doesn't end after you graduate college.

Make time to be still - this is one of the most important practices of Jesus and without it, we become restless, flustered, and irritable.

Pray unceasingly - this means in every breath, in every moment, God is always listening.

Pray about the small things, not just the big things. Because God is the God everything, not one thing is unimportant to Him.

It's okay if you are not experiencing things the same way others are - we are all different and there is no point in trying to make yourself feel the same way as other people do.

Sadness and heartbreak are not things that you get over in a couple weeks, or even a month. Be patient with the process of grief.

Heartbreak is a type of grief, grief of a life you had envisioned, a relationship you had enjoyed, a person that you had in your life.

People may not be in your life anymore, but there will always be pieces of them that stick with you.

God doesn't change - and that truth will ground you more than anything.

You deserve the same compassion and empathy that you show others.

Trust your intuition - if it doesn't feel good, if you feel like something is off, trust it. You know yourself best.

It's okay to struggle, stop putting this pressure upon yourself to be "perfect."

Putting yourself out there is so hard but it will be worth it in the end.

We must acknowledge the disappointments, the heartbreaks, how can you continue to run if you are bleeding?

God is close, even when you are doing anything you can to avoid facing Him, to avoid being honest with Him, God already knows your heart. And He still remains with you.

It's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to do things that you regret now, have compassion on the part of yourself that felt like that was the best option at the time.

Good people are still out there and you will know exactly who they are when you meet them. A good friend will never make you question your worth.

Make time for God, no matter what is going on in your life. The time we make for God will cause everything else to fall into place, but He must be the foundation.

Talk to God constantly - whether you are driving for 5 minutes, or whether you are stuck in traffic, God is found in every moment and He is the friend that we desperately need.

The waiting is painful but it's far better than short-term gratification.

Open up to people, be honest, be vulnerable, there is strength is letting our guard down with people who care about us.

Loneliness is so difficult, but the moment that we acknowledge it, it will become less heavy.

We need God so much, without Him, everything falls apart.

[kaylinelizabeth4004]

Dog Days Are Over

Summary: The Reader is struggling with severe depression, and Alec Hardy comforts her.

A/N: inspired by one of @denaliwrites Alec stories! This one made me cry several times while writing it, it’s pretty much my experience minus Alec (unfortunately.)

TW: talk of severe depression, suicidal thoughts/ideation, body dysmorphia, and not beta read because it was hard to write

She sat on the couch, curled up in a corner while 'The Office' continued playing on the telly. She'd been mindlessly scrolling on her phone all day, not really noticing anything on there but not wanting to look away from a screen. Then she might see the real world for all it was, and today wasn't the time for that.

Y/N glanced at Michael Scott as he put on a stupid hat to impress some stupid friend of Pam's. She felt a tension in her shoulders, along her back and arms, but she tried to ignore it. Tried to bury herself amongst the blankets and pillows of the couch. It wasn't working, why wasn't it working?

She adjusted her pillows, and nothing. She got bored of the Instagram reels that always turned into mommy bloggers she didn't like to see. The telly grew louder and she suddenly found Michael Scott bordering on obnoxious and not funny. The room was so goddamn warm in there but she knew she couldn't change from her comfy clothes because she didn't want to wear a bra. If she changed into something remotely hugging her figure, she'd feel as though she had to wear a bra and start the day. It was so fucking stupid the way her brain was wired.

She tried to ignore it.

Then she got a sudden pang of guilt, a feeling that was brewing at the surface but she tried to shove down. She worried that everyone at work would absolutely hate her for not coming in. That they'd know she was lying about being sick and think she was a terrible worker, that she didn't provide anything, she was incompetent and slow and everyone was wondering why she couldn't get her fucking act together. She worried that when she wasn't there they'd be saying awful things. How stupid she was, how needy and desperate for attention and validation and pathetic.

The voices came whirring at her. She hadn't even realized they'd been speaking this entire time until they all started screaming at her. The voices battered like a ram, tore through her chest, attacking and spitting venomous words. Her lungs seemed to recede inside her, clenching for an oxygen that wasn't there. Suddenly her vision was blurring, hiccups came bursting from her lips in broken sobs and she could feel that heaviness in her chest like her heart was going to explode. She couldn't breathe with that weight, there was no oxygen. Y/N felt as though her skin was itchy and thin and it just wouldn't come off. If she could tear it all off to make it go away she would.

The loudest voice screamed out, "Everyone hates you! You are the worst human to exist and we wish you would just die already!" Her fingers buried in her hair, holding the roots tightly and her cheeks were burning hot. She wanted to scream but didn't have the energy. The voice kept screaming and screaming, "they hate you, they hate you, they hate you! You're the worst person ever!"

And it's all true, that's the most despicable part. She believed every foul thing that voice said was right in the truest sense of the word. No logic could stop her brain from believing that she was stupid and slow and incompetent.

She believed all the things they said, that she was fat and ugly, and her nose wasn't right, her skin wasn't right, her stomach was horrendous, she could never be beautiful or sexy or smart. She ruined every chance she had for it, and one day Alec was going to see how horrific she was and he'd flee. He'd spout viscous things and they would be right. She deserved all of it and worse. There was no man that deserved the hell she provided, she was the worst it could get.

Then she kept chiding herself, trying to stop this delusion she was building in her mind. She'd say, Y/N, that's not fair, you've worked on this. Y/N, you're on medication, this shouldn't be how you think. You're better now. Y/N, talk yourself out of it. Y/N, you're jumping to conclusions. And all the while she's sinking and building evidence to false realities. She wonders if she's insane, if she should be locked up then has to remind herself she's not Joe Miller. But a wicked part of her wishes she was, so these feelings would be justified.

There was no way to explain this to friends and family. No way to explain that this was her thoughts almost all the time, and the times she wasn't thinking like this it was lying low. But it never left. But everyone had depression these days, she wasn't unique. And if everyone else could live, then surely she could to.

She retracted her fingers from her hair, prying off the strands that came with it. Her cheeks were still painfully hot but she wiped the tears away. Michael Scott was still doing something stupid on the telly, and she had her phone on her lap. She wanted to call Alec. He'd said to call if she felt anything, said he wanted to be there for her. But wouldn't this be a burden? Wouldn't he find her repulsive after this? Not want to deal with it. She didn't want to either. She didn't want to deal with this anymore, she was so tired. And surely Alex's life would be easier with one less person to deal with? With one less mess to clean up, no worrying about her.

But it was those thoughts that forced her to call him. She knew that those thoughts were bad, that those thoughts led to bad things. And though she was humiliated, wanted to hide away from him, she knew it was for him she had to call. He'd be so hurt if she left. He'd blame himself, and that wasn't fair.

"Darlin?" His voice filled the silence.

Her breath shuddered and she sniffled like a baby, "Alec."

"What's happened?" His voice was stern, alert. With that one word he sensed that she wasn't okay.

"It's nothing."

"It's not nothing."

She let out a pathetic laugh, "no, Alec. I don't want you to worry."

"I'll be there in 15." Then he hung up. She gaped at the phone. Y/N didn't want Alec to see her like this, so broken and battered. He didn't deserve this.

Her heart started to race and she treated every sound as a threat. She looked horrible, she was certain her breath stank and her cheeks were flushing and her hair was going every which way. She looked fat and greasy, her clothes had stains. Oh God, oh God.

The door opened with no preamble. She shut her eyes and waited for him to yell, to be furious that there was no true emergency. It's not like she'd cut herself. There were footsteps and then the couch beside her dipped, but she felt no touch.

"Darlin?" Alec spoke softly, his accent sliding through her flat. Michael Scott seemed a distant image. "Are you alright?"

She didn't want to open her eyes. As childish as it was, she felt that if she didn't seem him then the issue was resolved. "I'm fine."

There was a pause, "May I see your beautiful eyes?"

With a shaky breath, she peaked through her lashes at Alec. He was sat beside her, brows furrowed in concern as he looked at her. His coat had raindrops on it, his hair mused and looking like chocolate. His beard needed to he shaved but she hated when he did. And in those stupid, beautiful brown eyes, she saw a love so raw and unconditional she couldn't stand it.

Tears fell down her cheeks and her hands went back to her hair. She could feel herself retreating, curling into a hall and away from the world that hated her. But Alec was so soft.

"Darlin, can I touch you?"

She whimpered a yes.

Warm, calloused hands came to her own in her hair. The touch was not harsh, yet it wasn't shy either. Alec wanted to love Y/N and keep her safe, even if it meant from herself. He brought them down, holding them firmly. Then he lifted her chin so she would look at him. Her lips began to quiver.

"How long has it been since you've showered?"

The question caught her off guard. She'd expected him to pry into what she was feeling and tell her why all of it was wrong and he loved her. Which was incredibly sweet, but would have hurt her so much. She'd feel like a burden. But this wasn't what she anticipated. "Uh, um, a few days."

"Do you care to take a shower with me?" He smiled, his Scottish accent lilting the words. "I need one from the rain."

She nodded nimbly. Alec got up from the sofa first, then helped her up though she didn't need it. They walked to her bedroom, where Alec went through her drawers to find a clean pair of underwear and pajamas. She felt her heart smile when he pulled one of his shirts she'd stolen as her top. He had his own pair kept in her drawers as well.

Alec walked softly as he went and turned the shower on, letting the water patter against the tile.

"Y/N, do you think we could take your dirty clothes off?" Alec asked, letting the tiniest of smiles cross his face. She'd learned to cherish that look, because it wasn't one many got. But right now, she felt selfish for getting to see it when she didn't earn it. Y/N nodded.

He helped take off her pajamas, each piece with care and precision. She felt like she was a wounded animal he was bringing back to life. That guilt forged its way in her heart. Alec placed a hand on her hip, the other on the back of her neck. Though she was naked, and he was about to be, it wasn't sexual in nature. It was intimate, and loving. Alec's voice was rough as he grumbled out, "Now you stop that bad thought. I love you as you are."

Her lips parted and her eyebrows shot up in surprise, she hadn't said a word. But Alec just pressed a kiss to her forehead. Soon they were both naked and they got into the steaming shower. Alec let her stand under the warmth, hands stroking her sides in ginger caresses. He was just appreciating her as she was.

Alec couldn't pretend to understand exactly what went through Y/N's head. It wouldn't be fair to her. But he did know that he loved her deeply, and that no matter what he'd stay with her. If she didn't know who she was, he would remind her if only for a moment to be with her.

With his long, dexterous fingers, he washed Y/N's hair. She stood awkwardly, letting it rain over her. It felt nice. The little pelts of hot water had a steady rhythm, only interrupted by Alec’s kind hands massaging her scalp. She felt the tears slip down her face in steady streams, but didn’t bother to hide them.

Alec quickly shampooed his own hair, then took his time with the body wash to take care of Y/N. He lavished her but in the most sincere way a person could. No agenda, just making sure that with each part of her body he cleaned that she knew he loved her. And she did, she knew he loved her more than anything. That’s what made it so hard.

The water ran lukewarm and Alec got out quickly to wrap a big, fluffy towel around her. He helped dry her with the towel, helped her into her pajamas.

“You want braids, love?”

“You know how to braid?” Her voice sounded so small. Alec nodded and parted her wet hair, french braiding it out of her way. His fingers were nimble.

“Come on, darling, let us get something to eat.”

Alec walked with her down the stairs, going into her fridge until he found some ingredients to make omelets, which he knew she liked. With gentle hands, Alec came and placed Y/N on the counter so she could be right there as he made the food.

“Cheese?”

“Yes please.”

It was a quiet sort of appreciation with Alec. Y/N could tell he wanted to blurt out his love but this quiet approach, this simply taking care of her, hit a part of her heart she didn’t know it would hit. She could feel her soul opening just slightly. He couldn’t fix her, that wasn’t how this worked, but she could feel him loving her.

He helped down from the counter and brought the plates to the sofa. Alec put on a different sitcom, gave her the plate, and settled in.

After a pause where she stared at the plate and wondered the different ways she could jump off the earth, she said, “You don’t have to stay.”

“I’d like to,” he said with a bite of omelet.

“I don’t want you to stay.” The words were harsh, and untrue, but the humiliation of being this way made her angry. She wanted to lash out at him if it could only take away from the pain in her heart.

“Tough luck, darling. I’m here to stay.”

That was when the sob broke out. A deep, heart wrenching sob that make the plate fall to the floor, carpet covered in a cheesy omelet he had just made for her. Y/N covered her mouth as though the sounds would stop but they didn’t.

Alec came and scooped her up, letting her rest on his lap, head on his shoulder. He hummed just slightly, hands running comforting strokes on her body, lips kissing her forehead.

“You don’t deserve this,” she hiccuped. “You don’t deserve this mess.”

Alec looked down and grabbed her chin, forcing him to look at her. “Y/N, you listen to me. You didn’t ask for this. You didn’t choose to have depression, you didn’t choose it.”

“But you can choose. You need to leave, you deserve-”

“I want you. I want you, Y/N. I don’t care about this, we’ll fight it together.”

“Why do you want this? I’m broken.”

He brought her hand and let it rest on his heart, above his scar. “So am I, Darlin. You can’t carry it with you if you want to survive.”

She cried softly onto Alec, and he held her all the same. It didn’t get better like that, but it seemed to help cement something in Y/N. Alec wasn’t going anywhere, and she wasn’t alone. The dog days will be over, and the horses will come. Alec kissed her forehead and held her close.

[lili-loves-whump]

lili-loves-whump presents, a 'whump: the musical!' snippet,

Heathers

previous first next

(a tw!! implied/ attempted non-con. be advised)

Whumpee coughs. Their thoughts are sluggish, their head wobbly and too large for their body.

The man across from the bar smiles. His teeth are rotten and yellow. Whumpee takes another sip of they drink, smiling when the warmth of alcohol runs through their bloodstream.

The man scratches at his balding head. A clump of fuzzy blonde hair comes away at his fingertips, but he brushes it away without a second thought.

Whumpee runs the tip of their finger across their drink. The glass gleams in the low light of the bar, and Whumpee can see their reflection.

They look frazzled, headphones still on, but music no longer playing. The time of their nose is pink and their brow is furrowed. The drink burns their throat as they lift it to their lips.

"You're a pretty little thing, aren't you?" The man says. He doesn't sound friendly, or kind, and Whumpee's mental blocks rise as he speaks.

His eyes gleam with something like malice, and he hasn't taken another sip of his own glass in front of him.

Whumpee feels warm again, despite not wearing their sweater. The door behind them opens, and a gust of frigid air blows into the air, but still, Whumpee relishes the chill of the cool air.

It is dark now. Whumpee frowns. How will they get home?

The man is talking again. He has reached forward and is running a thumb over Whumpee's knuckles. They frown.

"You really are a beauty. Don't worry, the high will kick in soon."

Whumpee sobers.

"High?" they choke out, voice catching.

The man looks sorrowful. Almost.

"It'll be okay, little birdie. Don't worry your pretty little head."

The world spins, and Whumpee feels violently ill. The man has walked around the side of the bar, and wears a name tag that says Wilton.

Wilton places a warm hand on Whumpee's shoulder. Their stomach rolls, and they stay planted in their seat. The world is fuzzy, and Whumpee goes to flinch, but the movements are sluggish and too slow for their liking.

A hand on their thigh. Are they crying? It feels like Whumper all over again. Poison of some description courses through their veins.

Hands everywhere. They were alone.

A breath of icy winter air.

Whumpee's sweater is still inside. It is beginning to snow. The tears on their cheeks dry. Someone is calling out. They walk away from the warmth and fear of the bar.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

[roug-3]

bayverse ironhide and bumblebee taking of human reader after reader gets injuried

I shall try my best I made this in class so if it’s meh sorry

Warnings: swearing ,fluff and slight death

LIFE SAVOUR

On the battlefield the auto bots were fighting the decepticons , Cade and y/n were on the sidelines trying not to get chased or hurt by the decepticons. Bumblebee and Ironhide were trying their best to make sure y/n didn’t get hurt because when y/n , bumblebee and ironhide met the boys took a liking to the small meet bag.

Bumblebee noticed a decepticon going after y/n and he switched through channels trying to say “Y/N! Watch out” but y/n didn’t hear them and gets thrown to the ground screaming in agony as you land on your leg, you broke your leg in 3 places from the fall. Iron hide kills the decepticon “oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me?!” You scream as you hold your leg trying to stop the bleeding.

Iron hide and ratchet run over , ratchet looks at your leg and scans it to see if anything is wrong “nothing to bad, but unfortunately you have broken your leg in 3 places” he says getting his blaster ready because a decepticon minion was running towards you, bee runs over to you and iron hide beeping to iron hide to make sure your ok, “w-what did he say?” You ask as you look between the two mechs iron hide says “he was making sure you were alright” then he bends downs to gently pick you up into his survo making sure not to hurt you.

Iron hide puts you on his shoulder and walks with Bumblebee and makes sure no decepticons were coming your way, “this is gonna hurt doll” bumblebee says switching between radio stations “wait- wait what” you say getting a bit scared because bee slowly grabs your leg and re locates your knee because it got dislocated from the fall. You scream as you hold onto ironhide as tears start to fall from your eyes and iron hide tried his best to comfort you.

~time skip~

Back at the base bee had you in his lap laying on him as you look down at your leg now in a cast from the fight, “don’t worry y/n , it should heal soon and fast and then you’ll be able to get back into battle. But be safe” Optimus said as he slightly scolds you to be safe but he says it in a soft tone “I will try, but it hurts right now” you say leaning up more on bee as you slowly drift to sleep. Iron hide and bumblebee can’t believe how they got such a cute s/o (or bff 👯‍♀️).

That’s the end and I do hope you enjoyed it , if it’s a little sappy or (hopefully not) cringy then I apologise, I was in class as I was trying to make it but then got in trouble for having my phone out. But since this request is done I might start the other request I got tomorrow or on the weekend (maybe if I have time) but if it doesn’t come out as soon as you wanted it to then I apologise and appreciate the patience!

[howtomakelovestay]

"I don't usually kiss my friends" -Cedric Diggory to Harry Potter

In the afternoon he approached Harry, who was standing with Ron and Hermione, and asked to speak in private. They headed for the gardens since the weather was still nice and it was the perfect location to discuss such a difficult matter to bring up in the first place.

"I don't usually do that kind of thing," was what came out of Cedric.

Harry tilted his head curiously. “What do you mean?”

"Kissing my friends."

His direct answer made Harry look away instantly. “Neither do I. I’ve never…”

"Was that your first kiss?"

"Did you notice?" he muttered, embarrassed.

It wasn't that Cedric had thought of it for any particular reason other than the suspicion that if someone had kissed the famous Harry Potter, he supposed it’d be known. And that Harry was, after all, younger than him and had never expressed any interest before.

"I wasn't sure," he admitted, not wanting to make him self-conscious. Cedric wasn't an expert by any means. “But it was good.”

That may not have been part of what he had planned to say.

“I kind of only got kissed by a Dementor once, so that was a big improvement.”

Cedric laughed at the joke, blushing.

That was Harry's way of agreeing too.

He wanted to tell him how he felt…

He wanted to tell him that he wouldn't mind kissing him right then and there again.

But he couldn't do it. If Harry didn't feel the same way, he wasn't sure they would manage to stay friends the same way. And even if Harry liked him too in that way, it might not be enough.

"I wouldn't want what happened to turn things weird between us. I think I misunderstood the situation… I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.”

Apologizing was something he was good at.

The detail was that it was not in relation to kissing him.

“You didn’t.”

“Really?” Cedric questioned, remembering how he himself would say something similar when it wasn't completely true. “You can tell me.”

“No, it was fine. It didn’t bother me."

It hadn't bothered him.

What could Cedric say to that?

"That wasn't your first, was it?" Harry asked.

“No, it wasn’t.”

But it was the best.

"I didn't know you had dated someone before.”

"Oh, I've never dated anyone. Those were disastrous occasions,” he blurted out, suddenly realizing that it might sound bad. “Not that this was.”

Maybe it was, in the sense that he was messed up on the inside.

Ao3: Always Yours

[townsenddecades]

1311 – Day 3

TW: Death of a newborn

TOVAR CHAPEL

In August, the small Tovar chapel bears witness to yet another Townsend wedding. It has taken some more convincing from her family and groom-to-be, but eventually, Edith agrees that her family will be fine without her help, and that she should indeed marry.

Her wedding is smaller than her sister’s had been, owing mainly to the impassible roads and the less distinguished family she is marrying into. Nevertheless, Benedict uses what time they have left before the ceremony to impart some final fatherly wisdom on her and to make sure that she hasn’t felt too pressured.

Edith has assured him that she wants this marriage, and is only sad that her sister can’t attend, owing to her pregnancy. And anyway, Mahlsberg isn’t that far away. She’ll still be able to visit regularly.

The cermeony itself is just as lovely as Anna’s wedding in the previous year. Edith is equally excited to be starting a new life, and grips William’s hands tightly when their vows are finally said and they are declared man and wife.

The Townsends are both happy and sad yet again, as is William’s family.

Two of the guests are Malika’s parents, Marley and Aimee Williams. With everyone in a joyful and – hopefully – marital mood, Benjamin gathers up his courage and approaches Marley once the ceremony is over.

Marley is a bit amused at his fumbling, but Malika has already told him all about her and Benjamin’s plans. He likes the Townsends – open secret about Robert’s paternity notwithstanding – and wishes for a future out of serfdom for his daughter, so he doesn’t hesitate to give his assent to the young lovers’ plans. He does, however, caution Benjamin that Malika and he a still too young to marry, which Benjamin doesn’t disagree with. They’d have to sort out a sleeping situation beforehand, anyway, and the Williams family still has to save up the requisite money.

WATMORE FARM

Soon after the wedding, the young couple moves out onto their new land – the Earl’s land, of course, but still land they’ll get to farm – and settle into their hut. It is as small as those of their families, and the farmyard is even smaller, but there is a shed outside they’ll surely put to good use, and until they have children to fill their home, it will do nicely for the two of them.

They are glad to finally be alone, and certainly find enjoyable ways to fill the long cold nights.

CRAWLEY RESIDENCE

Anna knows that something is wrong when a dreadful, sharp pain rends through her stomach at around the time of her sisters wedding, followed by a gush of water down her legs. It’s too early. It’s far too early. She shouldn’t give birth for many weeks yet, everyone has told her so. George’s parents aren’t even home, as no one had expected her to start her labours.

Nevertheless, her baby is coming, and George runs to get the midwife, while Caroline, who has become a good friend to her, stays with her for support.

After hours of agony, she gives birth to a tiny little girl, far too small to survive yet. They name her Matilda, and Anna clings to her daughter until she dies in her arms a day later. She and George are both devastated, and the worst part is that they can’t even bury her tiny body until spring. All they can do is put up a marker in the garden.

In the following weeks, the house is quiet. Even Mary, who is a constant critic, treats her with compassion.

Even so, it will be a long time before she gets over the guilt and pain.

Prev: 1311, Day 2 <--> Next: 1311, Day 4

[sapphicneige]

Nothing is Forever Anymore

Summary: Yang's always been there for Ruby. From the moment she was born until now. So why couldn't she have saved her? Why couldn't she have been there this time? The picture of Ruby drinking that tea will forever be scarred into Yang's mind… How will she ever be able to keep going after that?

(Or how Yang processes what happened to Ruby and how she reflects back on all the moments she's failed to be there for Ruby in the past.)

Words: 3405 Main Pairing: Minor Blake Belladonna/Yang Xiao Long Rating: M

Notes: Fair warning, this was really tough to write, so I imagine it will be to read as well. I just needed to write this to actually process everything that happened in the latest episode of RWBY.

I actually made a mini Fic Playlist to listen to while writing this because it just helped me not completely break down while writing this. It's only half an hour long and I really recommend listening to it as you read. The title of the fic is from Take Me Back by Sarah Jarosz which can be found on the playlist.

Anyway... good luck if you choose to read.

Fic:

“Yang, when is Mum coming home?” Ruby says from the confines of her warm bed. 

Yang closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She should tell Ruby soon. She shouldn’t keep this from her for much longer. Ruby deserves to know.

Not today.

“Soon, Rubes…” Yang whispers, gently stroking Ruby’s forehead, a smile forced on her face. “I’m sure she’ll be back soon.”

Ruby nods. It’s so innocent. Yang never wants to see her sister break.

“I want to be like Mum when I grow up.” Ruby smiles as she turns onto her side, eyes closing as she prepares to drift off to sleep.

“Well, maybe you can start working on a weapon in the morning?” Yang squeezes Ruby’s shoulder gently before she steps back from the bed.

“I’d like that.” Ruby’s voice is heavy, carrying more than just tiredness.

Maybe it is time to tell her soon. Yang lets out a small sigh. “I love you, Rubes.”

“I love you too,” Ruby whispers back. “Good night.”

“Night,” Yang whispers back as she steps from the room. The moment the door shuts behind her, she collapses back against it. She wants to cry, it’s so much. But she can’t. She needs to be strong, to be like Summer.

The front door opens and He stumbles in. The man who’s meant to be their father.

“Is she back?” He says, looking hopeful.

“No.” Yang takes a deep breath, stepping away from Ruby’s door. “Of course she isn’t.”

Yang starts walking towards the kitchen, climbing on the stool that she leaves in front of the sink, beginning to wash up the plates she and Ruby had used to eat. 

“There’s food on the stove for you,” Yang says without looking at Him. She knows exactly what she’ll see if she does. He’ll be slumped in a chair, eyes distant.

Yang needs to be strong. She’s always been strong. She can bury her pain with responsibility.

She’s not like Raven. She’s not like her mother. She’s not like Him.

She’ll never leave.

Continued on ao3…

[seas-of-silver]

For the ask game ❤️💛

// Ladybug thought she had had everything handled; it was only when the blond cousin revealed his true nature that she realized she'd tied up the wrong one!

Ladybug thought she had had everything handled; it was only when the blond cousin revealed his true nature that she realized she'd tied up the wrong one!

'Damn it, Félix!' Ladybug exclaimed. 'Why didn't you say anything earlier?'

'I was curious as to why you needed my cousin so desperately as to kidnap him,' he replied from his position slung over her shoulder, still bound by her yo-yo, looking as infuriatingly calm as ever. 'You know if you just asked him that he'd go anywhere with you, Marinette. Besides, he's in London right now.'

Ladybug growled and put him down on his feet, recalling her yo-yo as she pinned her boyfriend's cousin with a glare. She was tired, and now that she got a proper look at him, he was obviously in his pyjamas with bed head, making his hair look more like Adrien's. She knew Adrien was in London, but as she swung past him earlier, he looked too much like Adrien that Ladybug couldn't help but take the opportunity to rescue what she thought was her boyfriend, too exhausted to think straight and realise it wasn't him.

'You know perfectly well why I'd go to such drastic measures,' Ladybug retorted. 'Speaking of; why did you decide that a theatre performance was the best way to tell me everything? Why didn't you and Kagami just talk to me? Preferably before Adrien was forced to leave Paris?'

'That's the way Kagami wanted to tell you,' Félix admitted, 'but I thought that the most optimum way of delivering all the information was through a storytelling medium - we figured that us performing the story would hold your attention long enough to give us a chance to make you listen to what we had to tell you.'

'Well, it did work,' Ladybug conceded, 'but I also thought I had dreamt the entire thing and struggled to put it all together. But that doesn't answer the question of why you two didn't tell me earlier.'

'Rehearsals,' answered Félix with a light shrug. 'Kagami is wonderful, but a theatre major she is not.'

'How did you convince Kagami to perform, anyway?' she asked curiously, before shaking her head to refocus. 'Ugh, tell me later. Anyway! So - Gabriel Agreste is Monarch, and you and Adrien are both part-sentimonster?'

'Correct on both counts,' he confirmed.

'And does Adrien know about any of this?' she pressed.

'To my knowledge, no,' said Félix.

Ladybug groaned. Poor Adrien was being left in the dark about, well, everything. 'Why didn't you tell him all this?'

'We couldn't risk it,' Félix answered. 'Gabriel still has possession of Adrien's amok, and therefore has control over Adrien. Telling him could jeopardise everything, including any advantage we have to defeat my uncle.'

Ladybug nodded thoughtfully. Unfortunately, Félix was right. But sooner or later, Adrien deserved to know.

'Fine,' she agreed, 'but as soon as Monarch is defeated, you have to tell Adrien everything. And you won't disappear on him like you did with me - you stay with him and answer every question he has for you, and you will comfort and support him so that he can come to terms with the bombshells you'll be dropping on him. This is your shared history - I can't be the one to tell him. Got it?'

Félix grumbled, pouting. 'I was hoping maybe that you-'

'No,' she immediately cut him off. 'Not me - you. Copy?'

He sighed. 'Fine. Now, can you take me back? I'm kinda cold.'

Ladybug shot him a deadpan look.

'You and I both know you can transform into Argos and get yourself home,' she retorted.

'But you're the one who kidnapped me,' he fired back, smirking playfully.

'I wasn't- I was trying to save Adrien-' she blustered, before sighing. 'I'm too tired for this.'

'Maybe you need some melatonin if you're struggling to sleep?' Félix suggested.

'What I need is to stop my father-in-law from destroying the universe and for him to let my husband freely live his life,' Ladybug muttered dully. After a moment, her own words registered in her mind and her eyes widened. 'I- I mean- to stop Gabriel and- boyfriend not husband-'

Félix laughed lightheartedly. 'I understood, don't worry... cousin-in-law.'

'Go home, Félix!'

~/~

Ask game: Give me the first sentence and I'll write a short piece for it!

[headcannonsandotherthings]

Rosemary; Kids. Bed. Now. I wanna talk to your father.

Jack; No kids stay. Please stay.

Rosemary; Go!

Jack; Stay!

Rosemary; You go!

Jack; Ed stay.

All 3; *slowly backs away*

Rosemary; NOW!

Jack; Molly don’t move!

Rosemary; GO!

Jack; SOPHIE STAY

Rosemary; GET OUTTA HERE I GOTTA-

Jack; DON’T LEAVE ME!

[cinnamostar]

p4 is out hehehe

[wuvstep]

List five things that make you happy, then put this in the inbox of the last ten people who reblogged something from you, get to know your mutuals and your followers!

1 - Guinea pigs! I have a herd of 7 right now, and have had a total of 15. I also volunteer at the local guinea pig and small animal rescue 1-2 times a w(h)eek. I really like creatures in general, though, and have a lot of pets. Really interested in animal sciences and such.

2 - Music! I listen to all sorts of music, and often look for more to add to my collection. I don't really have a specific taste, but I have genres I lean towards. I have music playing almost all the time, and I even bought a pair of high quality earbuds as a sort of investment in it. I love live music too, I try to go to as many concerts as I can. My favorite band is Queens of the Stone Age, btw.

3 - Making things with my hands. I'm an artist of many kinds, and I'm frequently making new pieces and trying new mediums. Kind of a jack-of-all-trades type thing, but I'm mainly into fiber arts and woodworking.

4 - Going to Museums and Libraries. Y'know, knowledge and the preservation of it. History, culture, art, science! Learning!

5 - Storms! I love thunder and lightening, especially at night. When I had a porch to sit on, I would watch the storms build and waited until they finished out.

[sims-half-crazy]

Early 1880

Gilbert and Effie caught up one evening after Effie had returned from a musicale with some of her friends. She found Gilbert in his favorite chair near the fire. He'd been feeling under the weather of late. The dizzy spells were getting more frequent and Effie worried that his anemia was getting worse, but he waved off her concerns. "I think I'm going to clean up a bit and then head up to bed, are you going to join me, dear?"

"I think I will turn in. I've been feeling lethargic today, maybe an early night will do me good." Effie caressed his check as she left the room. Gilbert stood to meet her upstairs, but as he rose something wasn't right. There was this pain in his chest and it was hard to breathe. He grasped his chest as if to squelch the pain, but it was no use. He was going to faint. The last thought he had before the blackness overtook him was to pivot to the right so as not to hit the table in front of him.

Effie heard an odd thump at the front of the house as she put her foot to the back steps. "Gilbert? Was that you? Are you quite alright?" There was no answer. "That's odd," she thought. She stepped backward off the steps and pivoted back to the front of the house. Coming through the dining room, she saw Gilbert lying facedown on the floor. She gasped and then gasped again when Estella found her father. She'd heard the same noise and come down the front steps to find him lying there. "EUGENE! PEYTON! We need HELP!"

[qlventingspace]

KinnPorsche Week 2022 Day 5: “Breathe.” + hurt for Big/Chan

For those who like to read on tumblr instead of ao3, whole fic under the cut ;))

But please comment or smth, I want to know what you think about it! It's my first time writing BigChan and writing smth soo long on top of it :))

“Big didn’t make it, boss”

“I managed to get him out before Tawan blew the warehouse up”

“No…the doctors said it was too late”

“…they tried but…”

“…of course, sir. I’ll get back to khun Tankhun”

***

He liked the new kid. He was a bit too cocky, but there was a fire in him. He had discipline but also didn’t hold back on sarcastic remarks.

With proper training, he would soon become one of Kinns most trustworthy bodyguards, Chan was sure. He was already assigned to Kinn, because of his quick and sensible thinking, not to mention Korn approved him also because of his little crush on Kinn.

Chan sighed. Everybody else would deem personal attachments between bodyguard and his protégé against the rules and downright dangerous. Not Korn, though. He saw it as an added bonus, loyalty twice as strong. After all, who wouldn’t protect someone they’re in love with, with their whole life?

It was remarkable, the thinking of khun Korn.

Of course, Chan wouldn’t dare to protest his boss orders, but against his better judgement – he felt sorry for the kid. Kinn was handsome and charismatic, no wonder Big trailed after him like a lovesick puppy. It was Chan’s job to make sure Big’s infatuation doesn’t get both him and Kinn dead.

So, he made sure Big was prepared for anything.

***

Big was an amazing swimmer. Among the newbies he was one of the first ones to get out of ropes and swim back up to the surface. Actually, along with Pete, he was Chan’s pride and joy.

That day was unlike many other days, surprisingly normal. Or it should’ve been. Usual training day - boxing, shooting range, swimming.

And it was going smoothly, until Kinn with his new boyfriend showed up to observe them at the pool.

He could feel the tension seeping into the atmosphere among the bodyguards. Some were uncomfortable with boss observing them, some feared that under Kinns scrutiny the training would be harsher. And of course, one particular person looked downright irritated.

It’s not that Chan particularly liked Tawan, but he was a professional. His face betrayed none of his feelings. Even though he had to admit that the man was quite insufferable. Too clingy, if you ask him. Nothing he himself would appreciate.

He wondered what Kinn sees in him, other than his dashing looks.

The lovebirds sat themselves near the pool to look at (in Kinn’s case) and not give a fuck about (in Tawan’s case) the ongoing training.

The nervosity among bodyguards was soon enough forced out by the exhaustion from completing fair amount of swimming laps. As the training neared an end, there was a last task to do.

The ropes.

Chan walked past the distracted lovebirds, with barely audible huff of indignation, and as usual pushed each bound bodyguard into the pool.

He noticed delightedly that Pete got better, as he emerged from the water first today, Ken and Pol right after him and Arm with the rest almost at the same time. The only one who didn’t resurface yet was Big.

Bubbles came up, as he was clearly still struggling with the ropes.

Big never took this long to resurface and not only Chan but also other bodyguards started to get restless.

The bubbles subsided, but there was no Big to be seen.

“Pull him out,” Chan ordered tersely.

Ken and Pete immediately jumped into water, just to lay Big’s limp body on the ground a moment later.

“Breathe Big, breathe, “Chan harshly commanded, slapping his cheeks, as Big started to cough out the chlorinated water and his body shuddered, lungs fighting for air.

Once Chan heard the telltale sound of air flowing inside and out, he let out a soundless sigh of relief.

“Training is over, get changed”

Sharp order echoed in the hall and worried bodyguards quickly dispersed into lockers. Kinn and Tawan were nowhere to be seen.

Once the coughing subsided and water in the pool was again still and silent, Chan turned his eyes to Big’s face.

He was pale. Pale, dejected and decidedly angry.

“What happened?”

Chan’s voice was measured and calm. His eyes flitted over Big’s face, even though he suspected his guess was to be proven right.

“I wasn’t focused. Didn’t take deep enough breath. Couldn’t untangle the knot”

Chan shook his head, lifting an inquisitive brow.

Big turned his eyes away in scrunching his face and punching the ground in a weak attempt to let out the anger.

“I just. Saw them…right before going in…”

Quiet broken admission.

Chan nodded.

Poor kid.

He helped him to his feet, before patting his head and leaving him standing alone next to the pool.

“Don’t let it happen again”

***

“Breathe, boss,” Big panicked eyes swam above his mentor, who was desperately gulping for air.

He didn’t want to punch Chan so hard. He was unfocused. Worried about Kinn drinking away his grief and sobbing from nightmares behind doors that Big couldn’t afford to open.

Wasn’t Chan preparing him exactly for this, though?

“Never lose focus, in any situation. Especially when you are angry or scared, or it might get people in trouble. Not just you. Kinn and your colleagues as well. So, focus!”

He was so angry at Tawan, however unwillingly breaking Kinn’s heart, angry at Chan, who stopped him from interfering into Kinn’s business, that he let his anger get the best of him. And now Chan ended up on floor having the air knocked out from him.

Big clutched Chan’s torso, his heartbeat slowly alleviating as Chan’s breathing returned back to normal.

He helped Chan on his feet, uttering quiet apologies and not daring to look his mentor in the eyes. Chan was eerily silent.

He headed into the lockers, Big trailing after him waiting for a punishment.

They changed in absolute silence before Chan turned to him with heavy sigh.

“You need to handle yourself better”

Bigs eyes were cast down, taking in Chan’s calm reprimand. Why is he not screaming at him right know, he cannot fathom.

“I understand, you harbor some big feelings kid, but you cannot let them overtake you,” for the first time ever Chan’s voice held some sort of softness, that made Big even more ashamed of his own incompetence.

“It’s okay to feel down or cry or even beat the shit out of a boxing bag – whatever helps, but outside of that? You have responsibility. Is that clear?”

Chan clasped his hand on Bigs shoulder. Big hesitantly looked at him only to find soft understanding in his eyes and lips turned up in a ghost of a smile.

Chan patted Bigs back and disappeared in the showers.

***

Returning to his room exhausted from the gym, the last person Chan expect to run into in the middle of the night was Big. He was stumbling his way across the compound, looking very much like a zombie version of his normal self. Chan sighed in defeat. How many times he needs to warn his bodyguards not to get drunk in the middle of the week? Broken heart or not, that wasn’t an excuse.

He took a few seconds to observe his favourite bodyguard before going in and very much ruining Big’s night with his lecture about breaking the rules.

Big looked like a mess. Endearing, but still a mess.

And…were that tear stains on his cheeks?

Big seemed to notice Chan’s approach incredibly slowly. Chan watched as Big’s face went through several emotions including surprise and slight panic, before settling on sad attempt at professionalism.

“Khun Chan,” Big tried to bow to him.

Unfortunately, balance is the privilege of sober people so Big would’ve nearly toppled over if Chan didn’t steady him.

“Big,” Chan nodded, removing his hands from Big’s shoulders. It didn’t escape his notice, that Big swayed a bit towards him with the action.

“What are you doing up here so late? You should be already sleeping. Don’t forget you have a mission tomorrow”

Big frowned at Chan’s clipped tone.

“Well, I thought the best way to get over someone is to try with someone else,” Big shrugged, “after all you said ‘whatever helps’, right? But it kind of didn’t work out so I got sloshed instead”

Big blinked slowly up at him and Chan tried his best to push the pictures of strange people tangled up with his favourite bodyguard from his mind.

To silence his unusually active imagination, he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.

“I can help, if you want…”

He wasn’t exactly the romantic type, but he couldn’t deny, that the kid grew on him. So, what if he wants to help Big blow off some steam? He can go back to gym and make himself into a punching back for a few rounds. At least he could make Big feel better after such a disappointing evening

Bigs eyes rounded in surprise and before Chan knew what’s happening, soft lips landed on his.

The kiss was wrong and yet… Chan couldn’t help but get consumed by it. He always had a soft spot for Big, but lately he was getting more and more affected by Big’s obvious sullen moods regarding death of Tawan and Kinn’s new affinity to hire boys for a night. He shouldn’t be bothered by Big’s unrequited love for Kinn, but he wished for Big to be happy.

He simply grew on him.

As he felt Big’s arms sneaking around his torso, he got reminded that they are still very much outside, on eyes of anyone who’d decide to take a stroll through the compound.

Besides…as lovely as the kiss was, Big was still drunk.

Big swayed on his feet when Chan lightly pushed him away and they separated. With staggered breathing, touching foreheads.

“Breathe, kid,” Chan caressed Big’s cheek to stop him when he wanted to dive back into another kiss.

Big let out a little whine.

“Can you not call me kid, when we’re kissing? You offered yourself, after all”

Chan let out an amused chuckle seeing one of his best bodyguards without inhibitions. And against his better judgment, fondness settled in his chest.

“What I actually meant was helping you blow of some steam…by boxing” he raised his eyebrows and watched with a smirk as the situation slowly dawned on Big. When the words got through the hazy mist of alcohol induced stupor, his eyes started to widen in horror as he realized that he just propositioned his boss.

Big started to retreat and untangle himself from Chan with flustered apologies. Before Chan really had time to think about it, he pulled Big back into his embrace. He didn’t want to let him go.

Strange as it was, Big made him feel…warm.

“But…,” Chan whispered in Big’s ear, “if you are so inclined once you’re sober, I’m ready to help you even in this way”

That earned him a shiver. Not knowing what’s got into him, he deliberately slowly extracted himself from frozen Big, who looked at him like a deer in a headlights.

“Now, go and sleep it off,” Chan’s voice was back in commanding tone, all traces of fondness and excitement seemingly gone. And to his delight, Big got out of his trance, unsteadily bowing, and heading into his dorm surrounded by an air of disbelief.

***

It didn’t happen often, that someone knocked on door to his room in his free time. It was evening already, and Chan was enjoying a bit of peace and quiet away from his duties.

Nobody ever dared to bother him in his private space. Certainly not the other bodyguards. He was too intimidating – a feature on which he relentlessly worked his whole carrier – for other bodyguards to bother him. And if he was needed due to safety measures, Arm knew to notify him remotely.

The last person Chan expected to come, and yet the only one who would dare to do so, was Big.

He silently closed the door and stood politely right in front of it in a comfy pj’s and fluffy slippers. He looked nearly cute.

“I realize this is incredibly inappropriate,” Big wasn’t really looking at him, shuffling his feet and playing mindlessly with his bracelet, “but did you actually suggested what I think you did last night?”

When Chan didn’t answer right away, Big seemed to get even more nervous, judging by the rapidly growing blush on his neck.

“Or was it just a result of my drinking? But if you indeed said that, would you be still up to it?”

Chan observed his nervous bodyguard hovering by the door and took in his trembling voice. Seeing him like this bothered him. It didn’t suit him. He understood him, but if something’s about to happen between them, Big needs to be confident and sure.

“Whatever do you mean, kid?”

Chan saw as Big flinched at the endearment.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific”

Big lifted his gaze, only to divert it again, full of embarrassment and frustration as he stuttered “You offered to help me, does the offer still stand?”

Chan got up from his armchair and took a step closer.

“Should I take out the boxing gloves then?”

Big let out small, frustrated whine and finally fully looked at him. Wearing his signature irritated frown.

Despite his obvious apprehension, he studied Chan’s face for a moment, probably weighting on if this is worth the potential sacking, before letting out a big sigh and closing his eyes in defeat.

He hesitated.

Chan took one more step and lifted Big’s chin. Big met his eyes and Chan tried to put as much understanding and fondness into his look, to make him relax more.

Still, there was a shadow of doubt in Big’s eyes.

Chan let his scary head bodyguard mask fall for the first time in a while and smiled a little.

“The offer still stands, I’ll help you in whatever capacity”

He felt Big swallow, surprise adorning his gaze.

“But…,” Chan let go of his chin and looked him straight in the eyes, “you’ll have to ask for it, kid.”

He watched as some sort of decision settled inside Big’s eyes, his features straightening and resolve setting in. He looked him straight in the eyes and there… right there was his favourite version of Big.

“Help me. Make me forget. Kiss me until I can’t breathe. Touch me until I don’t imagine anybody else’s hands on my body. Fuck me until I don’t dream of anybody else anymore”

The confession nearly took his breath away.

“This is what I need. Will you help me?” whispered Big, watching Chan’s impassive face. There had to be crack in that stone mask of his somewhere.

Chan closed the remaining distance between them and caressed Bigs cheek. He wasn’t particularly romantic person, but Big did something to him. He brought up immeasurable fondness, that bloomed stronger in Chan’s chest with each day he knew him.

Their foreheads touched; breaths mingled.

“I’ll help you, Big. Let go”

Gentle touch of lips, soft as flap of butterfly wings, eyelids fluttering shut, light gasps, immediately swallowed and turned into desperate growls, firm hands wandering planes of the unknown; tugging hair, caressing, stroking, scratching, slow roll of bodies desperate to know each other in every way, clash of teeth and low moans, rustle of clothes and thoughts, both barriers discarded like a summer dress in winter, soft skin and rough hands, trail of kisses, disposed shame and bared feelings, warm body and hazy eyes, mind delightfully blank and full at the same time, full of name, one to forget, one to remember, to chant all night like a prayer, embracing, lying down, flying high and dying – over and over again until there’s only breathing, breathing, breathing…

***

“I am sorry madam, but I’m calling on behalf of your son. He had an accident. I- I’m sorry to tell you… but he died”

“…a car crash…”

“I’m sorry, but you can’t see him”

“There isn’t much left”

“Yes”

“Don’t worry about the cost, Mr. Korn will cover the expenses”

“My condolences”

“He was a good kid”

Bodyguards never really existed as people. They couldn’t. They were supposed to be expandable. That was part of the job.

But he cannot let Big just disappear.

Like he never existed.

He will get a proper funeral, even if it’s supposed to be right under the nose of his own boss.

He probably knows. Korn always knows.

It doesn’t matter.

Phone screen has gone black in his hand. He can see his tear-stained face in the reflection, teardrops silently trailing down his cheeks, finding solace in the crook of his neck.

He sits back on the bed, reaching for Bigs hand and gripping his cold fingers between his own.

“Breathe?”

Silent plea, that gets lost in a buzz of monitors, goes unanswered.

No talking back.

No sarcastic remarks.

No irritated twitch of the eyebrows.

No silent intake of breath.

Only desperate prayers of a strong soldier who’s breaking down, hidden, behind closed doors.

[arionthespectrum]

Frank Lero??? That guy from Twenty One Pilots?????? I love that one song, Thnks Fr Th Mrmrs, by them!!!!!!!!!!!111111

[thesefallenembers]

the problem with reading and writing leading to a strong vocabulary is that you tend to know the vibe of words instead of their meanings.

if I used this word in a sentence, would it make sense? absolutely. if you asked me what it meant, could I tell you? absolutely not.

[thefearofcod]

man if I gotta make bad art, it should at least be easy! But it’s not! It is also hard to make this bad art