#those kids did not go to school until this episode look at them. i refuse to believe theres a school system in wizard city location

[itissadbutitsmy-artblog]

logically they asked some adults if they knew what happened to spader. right. and logically dr c and the others had SOME kind of fucking handwave to feed them. right. and, well. if blaine seems to be doing JUST peachy, but when you ask, it turns out theyre having a rough time, well. maybe spader was too.

dr c: it's not unusual for wizard children to suddenly disappear like that. they get easily overwhelmed or excited by magic, and they leave of their own-- blaine: no, he wouldn't have, though

blaine: he's used magic his whole life-- it- it's not new to him--

dr c: ahh, but schooling is blaine: h-- dr c: isn't it?

dr c: how was he adjusting? blaine: h dr c: the two of you-- blaine: three dr c: three of you. were free spirits before, were you not?

blaine: but he was getting along fine!

dr c: was he?

dr c: how are YOU settling in, gumdrop?

blaine: it's. hard. um. but it's okay i guess. sorta blaine: ...would be easier with my friends. i can't stand that part.

dr c: :) NEVER would have guessed. you seem to be PERFECTLY happy and adjusted.

[fountainpenguin]

Riddle watches New Wish - Post #11

Starting with Weird Science.

TWO people named Grey participated in this show?

Cosmo: Ooh, what a tasty-looking dinner! I love potatoes! Me: Cosmo, aren't you allergic to potato skins? Cosmo: /eats the lightbulb. Me: ... Carry on.

Really cool hallway angle! Also:

angry.

Those dance and voting posters have been up for quite a while, which seems unusual for a school. Did we really skip several weeks forward in time with Episode 3, then everything is crammed in tight after that? Where's that dang moon? I need it.

Seriously, Sneezy Hawkins dance has been up since Hazel arrived, and it's been many weeks since then.

Cosmo and Wanda altering the laws of science in order to make her science project work is hilarious. Of course they would.

How many music rooms does 1 school need?

Hazel's class is near the entrance of school, 2nd floor. If you look at the school's front, she's on the right-hand side.

JORGEN'S BACK!! Time to wreck Hazel for altering physics.

Basically Hazel, with no sense of self-preservation: Jorgen, I tried using magic to cheat a competition. Jorgen internally: I'm very mad and also disappointed.

Dev is the grumpiest little meditator. Doesn't even chant, smh. Why does his bag say "Mediocre," are we gonna talk about that?

Hazel's parents are so caring.

Mystery She Wished

Oh, noir? I was just thinking about noir earlier toda- WANING CRESCENT!

Hazel and her dad watching movies together is cute. She likes scary movies and he likes the paranormal- They're a perfect pair.

"I have to charge my ghost crystals" okay Dad.

Cracking up at Hazel interviewing Wanda for her mystery. Big "Where's Wanda?" vibes.

I was sitting here like "Why is she asking Wanda?" and then I was like "Oh yeah, she still lives here. She lives across the hall. She pays rent." I like that Hazel thinks she's on bad terms with the landlady.

I said in Post 10 that I was sad we hadn't seen more of Cosmo and Wanda's life in the apartment because I felt like we were missing opportunities to engage with the environment (and see them struggling to be human). This is exactly what I wanted.

Cosmo: Unless... I did it and framed Wanda?

Okay, now you're just being meta. I was gonna not tell readers that you're responsible for Wanda's disappearance in "Where's Wanda?" and that's why it's funny Hazel's interviewing you two, but... that's WAY funny they put that in there.

Those are some... weird stares. Why do they look different than the other characters? Is it the eyes? Also, this guy sounds like Daran Norris.

I like how Cosmo and Wanda still have their crowns while in pencil and notepad disguise.

Hazel talking about how she had to sleep to recover from the mystery "and also because I'm 10 and can't set my own bedtime."

Hazel is being so weird to this poor kid. That's her first introduction to him; that's hilarious. He's probably a twin since he doesn't recognize her on their second conversation.

OG series Elvis? MARK CHANG??

Hazel's parents: We're going to dinner with the new family. Hazel: They're cannibals and I'm gonna die.

/staring intensely: "We always follow social norms and blend in! :)" What the heck is wrong with this guy? These two are totally aliens. Is that why Mark's picture was on the conspiracy board?

I like how Hazel's stuck in mystery mode until she solves the mystery because she wished to be like SDFKJSDFISOKJD OH NO-

Okay. She wished to be like the detectives on TV, who didn't use magic to solve their mysteries, and I should really pause before typing, but in my mind I was like "There's literally no way they're going to put an Easter egg in this pantry."

... Oh. I 100% thought I spotted the aliens from "So Totally Spaced Out" who were defeated by eating them, but upon rewinding and pausing, that looks like a regular rabbit.

Now I'm disappointed.

Twins! I was right. Also, this is a really dark episode for a show that still, this many episodes in, refuses to give me the child abuse I'm craving.

This is how normal people eat with guests.

... The twist is that they're doomsday preppers? I thought that was obvious? They said they were preparing for the end of the world and they were stockpiling supplies for that. Maybe I'm too old for this episode- I didn't know that was unclear to Hazel sdfklj. The plot twist at the end is still going to be they're aliens, I'm sure of it.

(It was not; there was no twist, although the parents did dump all their food on the ground. I fear we will never know who was there.)

Prime Meridian Love

Hazel's into both manga and anime! Nice. We might've heard about the manga earlier, but I forgot.

Jasmine: Don't tell us the whole story! I want to be surprised when I read it. Me, liveblogging: Uh-oh.

Finally a school dance after all those posters since Episode 1! ... Not the same dance! I'm dying inside.

She's totally gonna wish her manga fish crush into reality. Question is... Are we about to get a "can't wish away true love" plot, or totally different drama?

omfg, he's dying because he's a fish. That's not the direction I thought this was going. I could've sworn his wall poster depicts him on a cliff? I'll have to review when we're back in her room.

Kennueth: I will not fall for your siren song >:(

Whoops. Also, confirmation that humans can't know about magic!

Oh no, he's going to be obsessed with his own book and try to see the ending? Is that it? ...... No? Hm. I guess he's fine with it.

I don't have anything to say about this screenshot, but it should be appreciated.

FAIRY WORLD! ... I don't love that we're skipping straight to it? And now we're montaging through it? This is her second onscreen time and her first was at the dreary DMV, assuming I'm watching in the correct order. We don't get to see her being wowed? I'm kinda disappointed.

Oh, we're back in her room. That makes me sad. Also... I guess it's more common for 10-year-olds to have crushes than I thought, considering Timmy had one too. I should really look this up.

-> Oh, it is. Maybe I need to re-tune my allo characters; I always assumed crushes come with puberty, but apparently not.

Oh boy, Dev's about to be annihilated by a tall fish guy. I enjoy his expressions and tiny hands. Also, I really like how we sometimes get to see his eyes over his glasses since we didn't get that with the Pixies.

He looks like he's wearing the necklace from the manga. Is he a fan of the series and is he going to attend Hazel's book club since her friends couldn't? Finally friend?? (I doubt it).

Oh wait, maybe he will.

Hazel: ?? Are you a Super Meridian-head? :) Dev at a school dance:

"Get off my back about it!!" okay, goof.

I like how Kennueth described Dev's robotic companions as "metallic birds."

sldkfjsdljf, hang on, pause pause pause. Is Kennueth spoiling plot points Hazel doesn't know about and we're going to loop back to how her friends didn't enjoy her spoiling the manga? That's great!

Wanda dog-ears books... Good to know. I'm glad she's still implied to be a terrible librarian. Cosmo won't even share his books.

Hazel: Our friendship is more important than any book club! Me, who saw Mikey Munroe weasel a speedboat out of Bunsen with very similar words: Are we being for real right now?

sdlkfj, Hazel hitting him with the "I think we work best just as friends. I'm only 10." Okay, that's hilarious.

Hazel did not get upset about spoilers and Dev did not come to book club :(

Hey, this is related to nothing as I get my snack, but what was Poof doing during his parents' 10k-year vacation? I assume he went with them. He was in boarding school during Season 10 and maybe he still is, but... hm. Where's my boy? I know he's still canon; his picture's in Episode 1.

I'm gettin' nervous. -> Me, unfortunately didn't get more than 3 episodes into "Fairly Odder" and doesn't know if he showed up there.

Okay, but... Cosmo and Wanda wouldn't leave behind their son who's faced multiple kidnapping attempts, including from Jorgen: the man who wanted to yoink Poof and not let him visit his parents for centuries... right?

They wouldn't take their son away from Timmy, the brother he grew up with, and then ALSO ditch their son. Right?

Please tell me we're not going to get Poof with issues. I know I was confused in Liveblog 10 about the lack of child trauma in this show, but I didn't mean him.

-> Has given Aged-Up Poof more issues than literally any other character in my fanfics.

[sweetcloverheart]

Clover Rants Miraculously: Painting With The Same Brush

You know, I think the most saddest (and kind of funny in an ironic way) things about “Derision” and other episodes/scenes like it is that in the writers attempts to get Chloe to seem “irredeemably evil” to the audience, all they’ve done is make the rest of the cast look bad. Like those scenes don’t effect my view of her because the show already told us Chloe was a brat and bully from the get-go, so learning about the date prank and her forcing Marinette to stay home and the entire plot of “Collusion” and “Confrontation” just come off as learning nothing new. Complete net-zero information. Meanwhile...

Bustier (and by extension Damocles and Mendeleiev) looks like an even worse teacher for ignoring her misbehavior and constantly putting the onus on Marinette to solve the issue if things were this bad already, especially when “Revelation” shows she’s so oblivious to the things going on in class that she's actually genuinely shocked Chloe hasn’t been doing her own homework for the entirety of her middle school career and then some. Like I know the fandom likes to joke that she’s a kindergarten teacher at the wrong school and “haha public education sucks because teachers bad” but DAMN woman, are you telling me you never side-eyed how similar Sabrina and “Chloe” homework tended to be even once (or maybe Sabrina’s just that good at forging handwriting like I often headcanon)? Just how little is FD’s overall funding that no one ever tried double checking this stuff?! No wonder Chloe treats y’all like a joke!

The class comes off as pretty fairweather/uncaring as Marinette was being bullied by Chloe for years (especially since it was stated in canon that Marinette had no friends until “Origins”) but only are only now seem to care about it. Even with the potential excuse of “Well Marinette grew a backbone/they’re less scared of Chloe now”, “Derision” showed the kids cared less about Chloe’s opinion than they do now and were willing to comfort Marinette after the prank, so what was stopping them from openly helping her out up until “Origins”?

The school faculty, despite Chloe having a reputation for exaggerating things and being purposely petty when demanding “punishments” when she feels slighted, constantly not only immediately believing her when she’s clearly making stuff up, but also still refusing to put their foots down (waiting until the grand coincidence of an Akumatized!Bustier forcing Andre to step down as opposed to, IDK, showing solidarity and care for their students by choosing to refuse Chloe’s demands and meeting her threats head on?). Again, what is the school paying you for?

Kim looks like a complete jerk now seeing as how he doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with that he did to Marinette in “Derision” and gives a rather poor apology afterwards - one he had to be shamed into rather than realizing and giving it on his own. Heck the only reason he even gets Akumatized over it is because everyone else was riding him on how messed up it was and he got fed up with it. It also kind of puts into question why Marinette is so friendly with him/still gave him a Miraculous if he participated in what was such a traumatic event for her. And that’s not even getting into poor Ondine having to hear her own boyfriend call another girl (whom is established as a huge jerk) “The prettiest girl in the world” Kim bby I’m so sorry the writers are doing you so dirty

Sabrina’s upgrade to Miraculous holder/her redemption feels even more unearned now because like above, she shows no remorse for her actions in “Derision” or the bullying she’s been (willingly in some parts) participating in for the last four seasons and before then, and only ends up leaving Chloe because Lila takes her spot as Chloe’s bestie and she hated having to share (and because their latest scheme in “Collusion” potentially involved jail time for her if they got caught) instead of genuine disgust at Chloe’s growing nastiness or her own mistreatment because of it. All those years of waiting and fics about Sabrina finally breaking free and realizing she could be better - rewarded with her instead abandoning Chloe to save her own skin and hopping onto the SS.Marinette because it benefited her more (and again, doesn’t involve jail time) rather than genuine regret of her actions. So inspiring

Andre basically allowed Chloe to get away with using his position as mayor to mistreat her classmates+the citizens and flaunt her status as his daughter for years, and only starts caring/putting his foot down when she starts doing it to Zoe and only for Zoe (the “good” non-blood daughter that the original script had him state he “liked better”) before he immediately abandons her to Audrey the first chance he gets, despite understanding what a terrible and abusive person his wife is - And let’s not forget him calling his 14 year old daughter that he raised “heartless” and terrible (to the man who frequently overrides his own child’s freewill with magic mind you). What’s worse is that the show plays this off like it’s his reward for having “suffered” under Chloe’s demands and that it’s all her fault he’s a terrible mayor (like he hadn’t often willingly broken laws or abused his position on his own with no prompting from her for his personal benefit). I’m sure all the neglectful dads who replace affection towards their children with gifts and indulgences watching feel totally respected and represented now.

Poor Sabine and Tom already get a bad enough rep as it is thanks to some of the story decisions made *COUGH*A//doration*COUGH*Ladybug*COUGHCOUGH*, but now we’ve been basically informed that they knew Marinette was being bullied to the point of actually pretending to be sick and...did nothing. And not even in a “We want to help but we’re limited thanks to school bureaucracy and/or our own financial situation” way but at “Yeah we know you’re terrified of your classmate tormenting you again and that this constant slew of harassment from all sides is slowly destroying your mental health but we’re just gonna tell you to buck up”. Yeah, they gave her Socqueline keeping an eye out but that ultimately ended up doing nothing to really protect her in the end

Zoe, for all her goodness and being portrayed as a “better redeemed!Chloe” as her claim to fame, does nothing to make good on her promise to love Chloe no matter what in “Queen Banana” and watches her half-sister being abandoned by her entire immediate family while reaping all the benefits from it (Not to say that’s her fault or she’s required to, just that it’s...well, not a good look for her tbh). While Zoe isn’t obligated to put up with Chloe’s mistreatment (and she isn’t), it def makes her look super hypocritical to claim to love Chloe “even if the whole world hates [her]” and then do/say nothing as her stepdad basically leaves her half sister to suffer from the same fate she escaped from in New York.

Adrien, despite having a front row seat to how awful and nasty Chloe can be to people who aren’t him and watching her torment his classmates for the past 9 months in canon, only now ends their friendship - and over an event that happened a year ago when he wasn’t there that she isn’t sorry for, when she’s been doing worse since he arrived with no remorse then either, with his only response back then being to chuckle and go “Chloe will never change” like a wistful friend. After 5 whole seasons of handwaving his handwaving of Chloe’s bullying, they only now have him care, with the catalyst being that Marinette won’t give him happy-smoochy-times because of whatever happened - and then make it worst by having him try to kill Kim for it, after having him have a near mental breakdown over accidentally giving the terrorist responsible for every one of his current life issues a death sentence with the same method (and also trying to do it to another akuma victim). My sincerest condolences Adrien please join Kim in the “You got screwed badly by the episode narrative” corner

Like, I genuinely have to wonder how they wrote out those episodes and thought anyone involved looked good afterwards. Peoples opinions on Chloe can’t sink any lower than they already are (and if they can, that’s mostly because they already disliked her), but you aren’t making her look worse by slinging mud on everyone else, even unintentionally.

[respectthepetty]

Hello! I'm here because your posts about colors altered my brain chemistry and now I can't watch anything without, like, being aware of them?? I mean, I guess I just kind of notice some stuff, I definitely can't analyze them the way you do and I'm not even sure how you always notice all of those patterns 😂 ANYWAY, what I actually wanted to ask is: Triage colors. I just finished rewatching it and now I need the colors. Pretty please 🙏🏻 How much of that blue can I actually trust? (Maybe it's because the search tag sucks on mobile but I couldn't find anything on your blog.)

The Code Color Blue in Triage

@imlivingformyselfdontmindme, you found nothing for Triage in my tags because my petty ass wrote nothing.

I did not watch it weekly because I knew it was going to stress me out. The entire premise of one of the leads dying each episode seemed like a solid foundation for my blood pressure to rise each week which would cause my heart great distress, so I binged it right before the finale.

Then I was in my feels and refused to write about it. Like the petty person I am.

But I also didn't write about colors in the show because I wasn't sure if what I was seeing as an American was true of the Thai medical system since the purpose of triage in America is to prioritize patients' care based on resources and needs with the help of a color system and . . .

in America, "Code Blue" is used for a person who has gone into cardiac arrest.

Sound familiar?

As in, that was a major theme of the show?

A person having a heart attack?

In a show that was about heartless people finding their heart?

So I thought it was super fascinating how the colors were used in the series, from an American perspective, since the emergency room uniforms were blue (as they would be),

and blue on the triage scale would be needing close observations to monitor the situation.

But also how the other triage colors showed up. Like black is expected death.

Green is stable but still wounded and will need care.

And red is immediate care needed.

But above all else, the blue just really stood out to me because it was constant.

So at first, I thought Tin was a Blue Boy who needed to take care of his wounded.

But then I realized that the colors didn't actually show up on Tin outside of his hospital uniform until he started to care about Tol.

Because when they were kids, the blue was there.

Yet they both became jaded as they grew up and lost the love that colors life, so even though Tol only had his school uniform for most of the show, he still lacked color too.

Well, until they began caring again.

Then the blue came back.

Tin cared first because he had to go through the loop countless times to save Tol.

So even when Tin wasn't aware of the loops, his blue still showed up since it was guiding Tol.

And eventually, Tol got there too.

And once he realized it, he couldn't go back.

Because blue = 💙and both boys needed to take care of each other's. It wasn't just about finding love; it was about taking care of someone else's heart. Tin lost his sister and it broke his heart. Tol's heart would have killed him. Without the other person, neither would have survived.

But the other person saved them, literally, multiple times, and figuratively through love, which is why they both ended up in blue.

However, I'm looking at this Thai show through an American medical lens, so . . . the blue between Tol and Tin could mean nothing.

Sometimes, the curtains heart is just blue.

[echoes-lighthouse]

Something that amuses me is the fact that I’m not caught up on literally any of my fictional others’ source material! 

This is a brief study of where I left every single media (and why): 

these are my personal experiences and i certainly don’t judge anyone for not sharing them or for enjoying a plot twist/plot arc that i disliked! 

BNHA (anime)- I watched to the end of season 4 and never picked up the next season: I was getting tired of suppressing my emotions about the whole hero/police parallel issues and just decided the fanfiction would be more fulfilling than the actual story. 

Homestuck- I read the original webcomic to the end, but I abandoned HS2 like a hot potato and refused to touch the whole franchise for a year and a half: it was such a bitter piece of writing, mocking the fandom and erasing the progress most of the characters had made in their original arcs, and I don’t know that I’ll ever fully forgive the creators for it. 

Magic School Bus- I read most of the books when I was a kid, but I never watched the TV show! I was one of those 90s kids who didn’t have cable, and I’m not sure I’ve read ALL of the books: it’s been a while for most of them, though I do have 2 still on my bookshelf 

TMA- I always preferred the oneshot horror story part of The Magnus Archives, so I started to get pretty burned out around season 3, but I kept going until season 5! Season 5 tends to be less stories and more horror-themed poetry/abstract concepts, so I just didn’t.... bother? But I’m glad people who enjoyed the plot aspects seem to have liked the ending! 

Critical Role- uhhhhh I’ll get back to this some day! I’m thinking of starting Campaign 2 from the beginning again? The stakes just got too high and I didn’t love what the group was doing, and it just got stressful instead of fun... but some early-days episodes might get me hooked again! 

Rick and Morty- I have to consume this show at a bit of a snail’s pace because the abuse and alcoholism can really get under my skin. I just recently started Season 5 and I’m working at it slowly. 

(secondary F/O sources under ‘read more’ so I don’t flood dashboards!) 

Black Butler- I did watch the whole anime but I was honestly more into the manga, which is still running! I read until I was caught up in 2015, but I just haven’t gone back into the fandom since then, although I still lovingly stroke the spines in every bookshop: maybe I should make an effort to get the new volumes from the library! 

Welcome To Night Vale- I listened to the first hundred episodes! Actually, the first 121, but it was more and more multi-episode arcs and I wasn’t into it, so I let it go. I need to go back and catch up on my Kevin dearest’s arc though :) 

Danganronpa- I was watching the Game Grumps playthrough and I finished the first game with them, but they were super halfhearted about the second game, so I only watched one trial, and now I’m waiting to have enough money to buy and play games 2 and 3 for myself! 

Mary Poppins- okay this might be an exception BUT I haven’t read the original books! 

Nightmare Before Christmas- a second exception BUT I heard terrible things about the new book so I decided not to read it! Does that count? 

Sandman- I’ve read the comics fully, including the follow-up comics after the initial run. However, I have NOT watched the TV show: Death looks great but I can’t get over how much they butchered Dream and I just can’t bear to watch any of the scenes with him in it, and he’s the heart of the damn series so it doesn’t feel worth it 

American Horror Story- I watched a few full seasons but got a bit tired with the ‘in your face’ style of horror in each season, and categorically refused to watch the Coven season for ‘raised pagan’ reasons. I watched House, Asylum, Freak Show, Cult, and Roanoke, but I really only enjoyed House and Asylum as full stories. 

And that’s the story of why I’m not caught up on any of my f/o’s origin medias! Thanks for reading to the bottom, it’s something I’m quite insecure about (like I don’t love them enough if I haven’t finished the original media for their sake) so I decided to write about it in a fun way! 

[forensicated]

TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion of cancer and bereavements

Smiffina Episodes - Episode 308

Sun Hill officially reopens but sadly, due to the loss of his family the day before, Adam can't be present so it's left to Jack and Gina to deal with the re-opening after the fire.

Jack and the Collision Team at Traffic have made Gina Adam's FLO without asking her due to their past relationship and current friendship. Gina tells him she has to be somewhere later on and Jack guilts her by asking if it's more important than being there for Adam. Gina tries again to get out of it but Jack won't hear of it.

Gina is outside Adam's house trying to get hold of him and - at the same time - try to put back her scheduled combined cancer treatement. She can only delay it until 12.30pm. Adam doesn't answer his phone, nor does he answer the door. Jack rings Gina and tells her that Denise was on a mobile call just moments before the collision. The accident could have been her fault and he wants her to gently warn Adam. Gina tracks Adam down to the scene of the accident where he's wandering in a daze trying to lay some flowers in memory of his family. He's horrified to hear Gina's update and refuses to believe that it could be Denise's fault after a potential red light run.

Gina reassures him that she doesn't think Denise would do that but 'we all make mistakes' and everything has to be looked into and investigated. It's nothing personal. He's adamant that Denise didn't cause the crash and refuses to return home - he's going to the station with Gina to find out what is happening.

The other driver arrives to talk to Jack and the PC from the Traffic division. They have to tell her that the other victims have passed and that the husband is receiving support. Adam enters into the new look Sun Hill front office and is startled. He leans against the wall to the front interview room where the other driver is without realising. She is sobbing to Jack that she doesn't remember what happened. "Does this mean it's my fault? Did I kill those people?"

Jack is surprised to enter his office to find Adam waiting for him with Gina. Jack reveals there's been no other witnesses come forward, but the other driver is being interviewed. Jack tells him that they've spoken to the mother of the Taylor Family - who Denise's last call had been to. He confirms that Helen, the mother, only spoke to Malcolm, not Denise, because Malcolm had left his school bag at their house. The call ended literally a few seconds before the crash happened so Helen did not hear anything from the scene. Gina leads Adam downstairs as he insists on speaking to PC Minton from Traffic, only to be confronted by the other driver in the background. He doesn't understand how she can barely have a mark on her when he has lost everything. PC Minton tells him that Tamsin can't remember what has happened yet - giving her full name so that Adam can conviniently find her later (!).

Gina talks him into going home and asks him if he wants her to come in with him. "Don't you have better things to do?" he asks. Gina, clearly mindful of her chemo but also being Adam's friend just reassures him. "No, I don't." Adam lets them in for clearly the first time since the accident has happened, the wind knocked out of him as he sees the house left as it was with his children and wifes things all over - including the childrens toys dropped where they'd left them and Denise's mug on the table. Gina gently hugs him and tells him he has to let himself grieve for them, he can't keep fighting it off. Adam says he had the impression Gina needed to be somewhere as she makes him a cup of tea but she reassures him it can wait. She reassures him that Denise loved him very much, despite his concerns he was away from the house and family too much due to work. She tells him also that Denise was very calm and in control at the scene. Adam is angry that he never got to tell her about the kids, phrasing it as though he felt like he was lying to her despite them always being honest -he works himself up and then asks Gina to leave.

As Adam's on his own, someone calls the house and Denise's voice cuts in on the answerphone. Adam keeps replaying it over and over again so he can hear her, breaking down into tears. His anger grows and he returns to the station, noting Tamsin Parker - the other drivers - address - going over to her house. Tamsin tries to tell him that she doesn't remember anything - before Adam reveals himself as the husband of the other family who died - barging into her house.

[forthegothicheroine]

I don’t have anything politically relevant to say that others haven’t already said. I just want to talk a little bit about going to school in New York in 2001. 

After we got a school-wide announcement about the Twin Tower attacks, they let us use cell phones to call our parents- practically everyone had at least one parent who worked downtown in the city. Not everyone had cell phones, and those of us who did had bulky, blocky ones that we were only allowed to use for emergencies for a set amount of minutes. We had to run around looking for signals, playing with the antennas attached, until we could reach our parents. At least, I reached mine. I don’t know who lost what family members. I know at least some students lost somebody.

At a spontaneous synagogue service, all the kids my age compared notes about what we’d been told. Some people had stories like mine. Some said the teachers wouldn’t tell them anything except that all outdoor activities had been cancelled.

School didn’t end just because of the attacks, of course. Going to a Jewish religious school, there was already heavy security, and that only got more intense. They told us to bring in water bottles to give to firefighters, to be drank and used to clean any survivors. That lasted a few days, maybe a week. I still remember the day I brought some in and was refused- there couldn’t possibly be anyone left alive, I was told. We weren’t supposed to open any paper mail by ourselves in case it had anthrax, and in those days we still got plenty of paper mail. Every field trip and big school-wide event was cancelled in case large gatherings of Jewish children would be a tempting target for- for something. For anything. For whatever was happening now.

Kids are kids. When something won’t go away, it becomes the new normal. Teachers talked about the political situation instead of teaching, and we let them, at least in part for self-serving reasons. Kids wrote bomb threats on the mirrors of bathrooms so the school would have to evacuate and they’d get to miss a test. Big things to worry about blended in with little things to worry about.

I would never try to compare our fear of further terror attacks that didn’t end up happening to places that genuinely were in periods of long-term bloodshed. But you know the first episode of Derry Girls, when there’s a bomb threat and soldiers on the school bus and all anyone can talk about is how annoying it all is, because they’ve just had to become desensitized in order to go about their lives? For just a little while, it was a little bit like that.

[lemonpeter]

🧡Day 1: Inc*st🧡

Really starting off strong huh lol anyway, this is very background heavy (I don’t know what happened but now I’m obsessed) and I hope y’all enjoy 🧡

Warnings: inc*st, nff, father/son (but they don’t know), Peter is 18 and an intern at SI, brief substance ab*se mention (and impaired s*x, not between starker)

***

Tony never wanted kids. The thought of someone depending on him in such a way made him feel sick. So he always did all that he could to ensure nothing would happen.

There was always room for accident, though.

***

Tony never wanted kids. The thought of someone depending on him in such a way made him feel sick. So he always did all that he could to ensure nothing would happen.

He never had sex without multiple levels of protection. And he was famous enough that people rarely tried to argue against it. Sleeping with him at all fulfilled what they wanted.

So things were perfectly fine. He never had an issue, he was always completely safe with his partners.

Except for this one night.

He was in a self-destructive episode, in the downward spiral before he hit rock bottom. Mixed every possible substance that shouldn’t have been mixed, impairing him until he wasn’t sure which way was up.

And he had a woman spiraling right along with him.

Her name was…Mary. Mary something. She was a scientist in some field, but he didn’t catch anything else. Or he just didn’t remember it. It didn’t matter anyways, they were both just wanting to ignore what was around them. What their lives had served them.

And maybe he forgot to ask if she was on birth control when he sloppily kissed over her neck.

Maybe he fumbled with the condom to the point where she whispered, “We’ll be fine,” and he believed her.

How it happened didn’t matter. All that mattered was that it did.

Tony didn’t even know.

He didn’t ask for her number the next morning, he just hid out in the bathroom, emptying his stomach of its entire contents while he waited for her to leave.

She was gone by the time he could see straight.

Thank god.

He never heard from her again.

Mary Parker and her husband died six years later and he never knew.

He didn’t know that they had a son. Or she did, at least. There was no way for him to know that the son had been passed along to his aunt and uncle when no other relative was found.

He never knew that Mary Parker had a son. And that her husband wasn’t the one who got her pregnant.

She never crossed his mind again after she left him.

***

Enter Peter.

Tony had new interns come in every year, typically college students that needed the credits, but sometimes someone special would come along.

Peter was a high school senior, but he was one of the smartest people that Tony had ever come across.

Tony had a job lined up for him as soon as he graduated if he wanted it. Not that he’d told him that yet.

He swore that he wasn’t a stalker. He had to prove to Pepper that he wasn’t giving too much attention to one intern over another, and for him that meant that he needed to stay away from Peter personally.

No matter how tempting it was. There had to be a family history of such genius, right? That kind of brains didn’t just occur at random.

But he didn’t look into him at all. He wouldn’t even let himself google search his name.

Oh, but he wanted to. He wanted to know everything there was to know about Peter Parker.

Although maybe he could just do it the old fashioned way. Minimal favoritism involved.

He spent months working with Peter. They became friends. Close friends.

It got to the point where Tony couldn’t help the smile he had when he looked into those warm brown eyes.

He felt it happen, it was official. Peter Parker had his heart.

It didn’t matter how wrong it was, he couldn’t help it. The young man had completely gotten hold of him.

And he hoped that it was mutual.

***

“Peter, can you stay back for a second?” Tony was still standing at the lab table, eyes scanning over the coding that they’d put in place during the session.

Like that was actually what was on his mind.

The young man looked up with wide eyes. Very deer-in-headlights. But it was so cute on him.

“Y-yeah! I actually needed to tell you something, so yes, I can definitely do that.”

Peter sounded a bit nervous which made Tony pause. Maybe his confession could wait a while. Maybe forever. Whatever was on Peter’s mind was infinitely more important to him.

“Okay, you first. I can follow up.” Tony tucked his hands into his pockets, leaning back against the table.

His cheeks burned. “No- no, you can go first. Don’t worry.”

The older man let out a breath. “Peter, you say what you need to. I can wait.”

Peter looked at him, face flushed. He hadn’t really meant to blurt out that he had something to say. He’d thought about it, sure. But he didn’t know-

His brain couldn’t keep up with his body and suddenly he was leaning up, pressing his lips to Tony’s.

The older man froze. It wasn’t what he’d expected at all. But then he relaxed into it, kissing back.

Who knew that they both had the same confession?

But it wasn’t supposed to be happening.

Tony pulled away once he finally got control of his senses again, raking a hand through his hair. “Pete, I’m supposed to be the adult here. I can’t be a good role model if I’m….”

When was he ever a good role model?

“Let me start again. I’m an adult. Kid, I’m old. Old enough to be your dad. And you’re…how old?”

“I turned eighteen in august,” he supplied helpfully.

At least it was legal.

“Eighteen. That’s a thirty year age difference.” Jesus, he was creepy. Falling for an eighteen year old. He couldn’t even buy alcohol for himself.

Peter blinked up at him. “So? I like you, Mr. Stark. I don’t care how old you are.”

Tony sighed softly. “You’re gonna be the death of me. And it’s Tony. If this is what’s happening, call me Tony.”

Even though it had been his plan to confess his feelings anyway, the guilt was still eating at him. He had fallen for a teenager who was just barely legal.

“What is happening, Mr.- Tony?”

Tony leaned in for another kiss, sighing softly. “What do you want to happen, kid?”

“Oh. Well, um, not to be blunt, but- I just- I mean- I really want you.”

He was cute. Innocent. But Tony could tell that what he meant was a bit less innocent.

“Are you sure? You realize this is a bad idea on...a lot of levels, right?”

Peter huffed softly, looking up at him with a stubborn expression. “I don’t care. We can be sneaky.”

Tony snorted. ‘Sneaky’ wasn’t really how he’d describe it, but he had to remind himself that his terms were a lot different than Peter’s. Different generations and all that.

He was horrible.

“Okay, kid. We can take this upstairs-” where there was no one to walk in on them. “-and talk about what exactly you’re thinking.”

“How about we don’t talk about it and we just...do?” Peter gave him a shy, devious smile.

“Uh huh. We’ll see.”

Tony grabbed his wrist gently, glancing in the hallway to make sure that no one was coming before he dragged him to the elevator.

Before he could get another word out, Peter’s lips were on his again. And this time there was more heat behind it.

He kissed back, eyes slipping shut just as the elevator doors did. Their lips pushed together insistently and he felt Peter’s tongue clumsily swiping over his lip.

He suppressed a laugh and parted his lips, allowing Peter to lead.

It was all so curious and clumsy that he wondered just how many times Peter had ever kissed anyone. If any. But that was a question for later.

The elevator dinged softly when they reached the penthouse and only then did they pull away from each other.

Tony led Peter out, instantly heading for his bedroom. Bad idea or no, he’d imagined such a scenario so many times. He didn’t want to waste any time.

“Tony?” Peter spoke up, eyes on the bed. “I know this is really straightforward, but I’m glad you, like, don’t hate me. I’ve thought about this...a lot.”

“You and me both,” the older man murmured. “Something I feel like we should cover before anything else...how far are you wanting to go?”

Peter chewed his lip. “Not to rush things, but I really really want to go all the way.”

“Well, not to rush things, but I want that too.” Tony gave him a small grin. “Do you have a preference?”

“Hmm?”

The confused look that he got made him feel guilty again. Just how much had Peter ever done with anyone else?

“Top or bottom, honey. Receiving or giving, pitching or catching, whatever you want to say. What do you want to do?”

Peter blushed, deciding to distract from the question at hand by pulling his shirt off.

It worked. Tony’s attention was instantly elsewhere, his eyes focused on his trim waist but hard muscle.

“Jesus, kid. That’s...wow.” If he wasn’t hard before, he was definitely getting there from seeing just what his innocent little intern was hiding under loose clothing.

“Like it?” The young man grinned to himself, one hand sensually sliding from the v of his hips up to his chest.

Perfect abs. Round, firm pecs. Jesus, Tony was entranced.

But he remembered what he’d asked. “Peter, top or bottom. What’s your preference?”

“I- I don’t...know.”

There it was.

Tony looked at him, tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip quickly. “You’re a virgin.” It wasn’t a question. He knew it for sure. It wasn’t surprising.

Peter got defensive. “I’ve done some stuff.”

“Uh huh. What ‘stuff’?”

He refused to look at Tony, his eyes on his hands as he played with the button on his jeans. “I’ve given oral. Guys and girls. And I’ve gotten, like, a couple handjobs and blowjobs.”

Tony closed his eyes. “I shouldn’t be your first. This- Peter, this is such a bad idea. You should be with someone your own age.”

Peter made an indignant sound, popping the button on his jeans and unzipping them out of protest. “I don’t want someone my own age. I want you.”

He said it with such finality.

Tony stepped closer to the bed, his hands cupping Peter’s face gently. “You promise me you won’t regret this?”

“There’s nothing that could make me regret this.” Peter unbuckled Tony’s belt, slowly pulling it out of the loops before dropping it to the floor.

Tony nodded slowly, not fighting when Peter pushed his slacks down. It was really happening.

“Holy shit-” Peter’s eyes were wide. His eyes were fixed on the way that Tony’s dick was straining at the front of his tight boxers. There was a nervous look in his eyes.

“Good or bad?” Tony teased a little.

“Good. Good, oh man.” Peter reached down and squeezed himself hard. “So big….”

That was nice to hear. “You think so? Do you think you could take it, sweetheart?”

Peter’s fingers ghosted over the length slowly, making it twitch in its confines. “I...I want to try.”

Tony nodded. “We’ll make it fit. Let’s finish getting you undressed.” He pulled his own shirt off and tossed it to the floor before getting onto the bed next to Peter.

He finished pulling the young man’s zipper down and helped him shimmy out of his jeans. Peter’s thighs were gorgeous, Tony was nearly drooling over them. But he couldn’t get distracted.

“May I?” He met the young man’s eyes, his fingers slipping into the waistband of his boxers.

Peter nodded, breathing hard as he laid back more.

Tony slowly pulled the piece of clothing down, biting his lip when he watched Peter’s cock drop against his hip once it was no longer covered. “So hard for me, honey. Look at that.”

The younger man blushed darker. “I’ve wanted this for a long time, Tony….”

“God, me too. Me too, kid.” He pushed his own boxers off, unable to keep himself from wrapping one hand around himself and stroking slowly.

Peter watched him with wide eyes. “Okay. I want you inside me. Now.” He kicked his boxers away, grinning a little.

Tony laughed softly at his eagerness. “We have to get you ready first. Hold on, let me show you….”

Turns out that Peter was incredibly responsive to everything and by the time he was open enough for further activities Tony had already worked him through an orgasm.

If Peter was that responsive to just his fingers, he couldn’t wait to get his cock in him. And the young man was still raring to go.

Tony grabbed a condom - habit, it wasn’t like they were preventing anything - but Peter stopped him.

“Why can't we just do it…without?” He asked shyly.

“I mean…we can. But you’ll have to clean up and that can be annoying.”

“I want…I want to feel you. Is that okay?” Peter hid his face in his hands, embarrassed by the admission.

Tony nodded, biting back a smile. “Yeah. That’s okay.” He set the foil square down on the nightstand before moving back to the young man.

He got between his legs, hands sliding over the strong thighs he was met with. “You’re absolutely gorgeous, kid. I hope you know that.”

Peter smiled up at him, spreading his legs further. “Thank you, Tony….” He leaned back more, laying his head down. “Now hurry up,” he joked.

Grabbing the lube and slicking himself up, the older man shook his head. “Impatient,” Tony chided, laughing softly. But he was already moving to position his cock at the man’s hole, the tip brushing over him.

They both moaned softly, laughing a little at how in sync they were.

“Fuck me, Tony…please?”

The older man nodded, slowly pushing past the tight muscle with a groan. Even though he’d prepped him, Peter was still tight. Just perfectly so.

Peter was tightly gripping the sheets, popping a couple threads even, with the first movements.

It seemed like his effort was in vain, but he really wanted to try to last.

Tony bottomed out, hips pressed flush against Peter’s ass.

The younger man was whining low in his throat at the feeling. His cock twitched between them. He knew that if he was touched at all before he could calm down a little, everything would be over way before he wanted it to be.

“Need me to stay still?” Tony asked. He could tell that Peter was struggling.

He nodded quickly, squeezing his eyes shut. “Yes. Fuck.”

“Okay, honey. Don’t worry, we can take this at whatever pace you want.”

Peter nodded, trying to get a hold on how he was feeling.

It took him a couple minutes, but eventually he signaled Tony that he was okay. And he could start moving.

So he started slow, but Tony started thrusting when he was given the okay.

Peter moaned, mouth falling open around his noises.

He tightened around Tony’s cock, squeezing down with every movement. Then he cried out when a particularly deep thrust hit something that made him see stars.

“What was that?” Peter gasped, hips rocking up wildly.

Tony groaned, laughing a little through it. “I’m going to, fuck, I’m going to assume that was your prostate. Feels good, doesn’t it? I should have showed that to you when I was fingering you.”

“Do it again!”

The older man snorted, aiming for the same spot again as he picked up his pace. He held one of Peter’s legs, lifting it just enough so that he could get at a deeper angle. “I can try.”

From the increasingly louder noises he received, he assumed he succeeded.

He was so lost in the feeling of Peter that he missed how close to the edge his partner was getting. All that registered was how incredible (borderline painful) it felt when the younger man squeezed around him like that.

Then Peter was crying out louder and thrusting up as he spilled onto his stomach.

Tony swore under his breath. “God, Peter.” He watched him, subconsciously speeding up as he chased his own high.

“Tony!” Peter moaned, eyes squeezed shut as he rode out his high. It was the best orgasm he’d ever experienced, alone or otherwise.

But he slowly opened his eyes, wanting to watch Tony cum.

“I’m close too,” the older man moaned, speeding up again.

Peter moaned louder, feeling himself being pushed up the bed with the quicker pace. “Cum, Tony, please, want you to fill me up.”

He wasn’t so sure about dirty talk, but it could only be but so bad because Tony went still moments later. Peter felt the cock inside him pulse briefly before there was a smooth warmth spreading.

The thing itself felt odd, but thinking about what was happening almost made him cum again.

Actually-

His hand flew to his own dick and he quickly jerked himself off before he was cumming for a third time. It wasn’t nearly as good as the other two, but it was still incredible. Especially thinking about how good Tony still felt inside of him.

He opened his eyes when he heard Tony chuckling. “What?”

“You’re insatiable. And I’m amazed that you can just go again that fast.” The older man closed his eyes again, catching his breath.

He was almost in shock that it had actually happened. He had sex with Peter. After thinking about it for months, dreaming about it, it happened.

He slowly pulled out, laying next to the young man. He knew they were both messes, covered in sweat and cum and lube, but he didn’t care. All he wanted was to hold Peter close before they had to go back to real life.

Tony gently wrapped his arms around him, just gathering him close while he pressed a kiss to the man’s temple.

He found out quickly that Peter’s dazed, relaxed post-sex state would only last for so long.

It was only minutes before the man was talking, whispering about anything and everything. And Tony happily listened.

He hummed softly, holding the younger man close to his chest. One hand gently carded through Peter’s soft curls as they talked quietly.

“My mom met you one time,” Peter murmured. “Before I was born. But she would never tell me about it. Just told me that it happened.”

Tony snorted softly. “Yeah, well, about when would that have been? I had a reputation for a reason.” But the confession started pulling at a memory. It couldn’t quite come to light, though.

“Ew.” The young man grinned at him. “But I guess you’re right. I don’t know, she was kinda weird about a lot of stuff. Not just that.”

“What do you mean?”

Peter sighed softly and Tony frowned. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked. But Peter started answering anyway.

“I don’t know who my actual dad is. She never told me. I vaguely remember her telling me that Richard was the only dad I needed, but nothing else.”

“You would have been so young,” Tony whispered. “Maybe she just figured it could be a conversation for another time.”

“But she wouldn’t tell anyone else. My aunt and uncle knew that Richard wasn’t actually my dad, but they were never told who was. And I guess it just…died with her.”

The older man nodded. “You could always do a paternity test, right?” Why was guilt pooling in his stomach?

Peter shrugged. “That’s assuming that my dad has done one too that we could match. And sometimes….” He trailed off.

“Sometimes what?” Tony kissed him gently, trying to soothe him.

“Sometimes I’m not sure that I want to know,” he confessed.

It made sense. But something was still trying to pull at Tony’s memory. Forming an idea slowly.

Although he wasn’t sure that he wanted to know the answers.

But he couldn’t just leave a question unasked. No matter how dark the potential answer.

“Peter…when did you say that your mom met me?”

The young man snuggled into him more, shaking his head. “I didn’t. I think it was…the year before I was born or so. Why? Do you remember?”

Tony tried to mentally do the numbers. He’d spent most of that year in a fog, but that had been the theme of that era in his life. But maybe…

“Are you okay?”

The older man closed his eyes, frowning as he tried to remember.

Parker. Had he been with a Parker? He couldn’t remember the occasion at all.

Maybe that was for the best.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I’m okay, was just trying to see if I remembered her. I’m sorry.”

Peter leaned up to kiss him gently, shaking his head. “Don’t be sorry. It’s not a big deal, really. Sometimes I just wonder about that stuff.”

Tony tried to assure himself that it wasn’t a big deal.

Maybe it was best to not have all the answers.

He had what he wanted. That was all that mattered.

[you-are-so-much-better-than-that]

Season 1 Episode 6

This episode opens with a recap of the previous episodes, and a moment that…never happened between Ian and Kash, but was included in the recap. And I looked. It’s not even in a deleted scene they gave us. Who edits this shit?? Who writes these lines?? What did Kash say to warrant this response from Ian?? 

Ian’s Queer Education was needed way before Trevor. At least now he knows that gender is a construct.

The episode opens up to Fiona and Steve getting frisky while Debbie makes Carl breakfast. Carl was a really freaky kid. This is him burning his action figures.

Before Steve could finish (his fault--he wasn’t focusing), the lights go out. Fiona runs out to meet Hector, telling him she forgot to pay the bill even though they have it. This is the sort of storyline that makes Shameless great. It honestly doesn’t affect any of the other storylines (Fiona’s stress about Carl, Lip’s SAT stuff, Frank’s bad guy shit, Mickey stealing from the Kash and Grab), but it adds to Fiona’s constant underlying stress to keep this family afloat at all times. And it serves as a reminder that this show at its core is about a very poor American family. Poverty in America! Never forget!

Karen informs Sheila that it’s parents’ night at school. She invites ‘Daddy Frank’, knowing Sheila probably can’t and not wanting Eddie there at all. Frank refuses.

Lip gets a visitor who doesn’t wanna pay full price for a paper--gfy Warren. Ian is emptying out the fridge so the food doesn’t spoil. Fiona is annoyed with Steve because she blames him for distracting her, making her forget to pay the bill.

Linda is back and giving Kash shit for short inventory. Some assholes show up at the Gallagher house. The kids are heading out to school. Carl hands Fiona a note and Fiona says it’s from last Friday and it’s now Wednesday. I’m assuming It’s Wednesday Dec 15th.

The assholes from earlier enter the Gallagher house looking for Frank. Luckily, the Killing Bat is right on the couch. They threaten Fiona because Frank owes them 6 grand. Who gives Frank 6 grand!

Ian, Lip, and Karen are speaking to a potential customer. Sheila uses a VR headset to mimic leaving the house. Fiona finds Frank at the Alibi, obviously, to ask about the assholes that came by the house, and he gives her a bullshit story. She also tells him to show up for Carl’s parent night. He refuses. Is it just me, or does Frank especially suck in season 1?

Anyway, those men show up, too, and scare Frank off right after he proclaims that no one scares Frank Gallagher. Once more, Frank’s ability to hang on to his beer is astounding.

He’s running and drinking at the same time! This should be an Olympic sport! (Heh--timely joke)

Sheila fails at the VR activity. Fiona is in line to pay the electricity bill. Steve is stealing a car. Ian, Lip, and Karen are hanging out in the bathroom smoking and discussing Lip’s rather interesting ideas about mastering the book report. Shoulda used this shit in university. Some of Lip’s previous customers come by to show their gratitude.

Fiona tries to speak to Carl’s teacher and principal. Carl made a papier-mache poop. The teacher isn’t impressed. They’re pretty rude about it. Now these are the kind of educators that should be forced to stay for Saturday detention. Assholes.

Sheila is begging Frank to go to Karen’s parent night. Frank refuses again. Those men come looking for Frank at Sheila’s. Frank escapes while they take their shoes off. They’re criminals, but they respect Sheila’s home, bless their hearts. 

(Quick side note: we see a view of Frank’s shoes and one shoe lace is still different from episode 2. The costume consistency is amazing. If only the timeline was too.)

We find out who’s been stealing from the Kash and Grab and it’s Mickey 😍. I did notice this thing he does. Mickey’s waiting outside the Kash and Grab to go inside. He waits until Linda leaves before he makes his entrance. He’s not there to threaten a woman, which is very Mickey.

Mickey grabs a box of his favourite snackies, and he’s even super helpful with Kash’s inventory.

He’s so fucking cute while stealing. And Ian is even cuter when he’s upset about Mickey stealing. This is Ian’s ‘Mickey is stealing stuff and I’m not happy about it’ face.

We get a flashback of Terry who used to steal from the Kash and Grab. Terry is apparently in prison. Guess he doesn’t stay there long.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I guess Terry and I have one thing in common and that’s our hatred of Kash. 

Anyway, Mickey all but invites Ian to come fuck him on his way out.

Fiona gets the lights back on. Lip writes another SAT test but gets caught. Karen blackmails Frank into going to parents’ night. Linda finds out about Mickey’s stealing shit and takes Ian and Kash shooting under the L. Linda is a very good shot. Kash is not. But Ian--well.

Could you imagine if Mickey were to have witnessed this moment--

--followed by this smirk?

Mickey woulda cum his pants at this little display.

Lip takes a new SAT and gets every question correct. The fact that he is this brilliant makes how he ends up such a tragedy. I get seriously in my feels when it comes to Lip.

Anyway, this educator threatens Lip with bodily harm. Once more, the educators on this show need to find other jobs. Or an anger management class. He’s 16 dude.

Fiona and Lip go to Carl’s school again. These assholes want to kick Carl out. They suggest a lobotomy. And this is one of the nicer things they say about Carl. I hate these assholes. Honestly, I know a lot of teachers, and not a single one would ever say anything like this.

Frank goes with Karen to parent night. The Home Alone robbers wanna be’s find him. Steve comes in and saves the day by sharing a joint with the principal and offering a teacher discount for more weed in exchange for keeping Carl in school.

On the way out, they run into Frank and Karen. The Gallagher kids are heartbroken that he’d show up for Karen and not them. At home, they have an intervention for Carl so that he could stop beating the crap out of all the other kids.

Frank is an asshole and we know it. He never does a kind thing for his kids. And then there’s a scene like this one with Sheila and, he’s so kind to her, especially when it would be easy not to be, like Eddie is. Moments like this are why this show is brilliant.

Steve makes all these promises about how he’s gonna stick around and that Fiona has to stop being so afraid. We know better.

One of Lip’s old customers whose score has been invalidated shows up at the house. He’s unhappy, but Killer Carl saves the day. This kid becomes a cop, guys. A COP.

What a great episode! And to make things very simple for me, this whole episode takes place in one day, and I believe that day is Wednesday, December 15th. Pretty straight forward, I think.

[akire-echo]

Stranger Things-It’s Simply a Henderson Thing

Chapter 1

(Henderson!Reader. Reader is female presenting.This fic will go through the events of season 1,2, and 4. Eventually will be a Eddie Fic. Planning an episode/chapter each week. Enjoy)

Dustin had already gone off on his bike for school that morning, so he didn’t need a ride. Though you’d offered many a time before, knowing he was getting teased at school, he always refused.

This morning was no different when you promised to stare them down and scare them. He laughed, just like a kid, and it had made you smile.

Until he giggled out that you weren’t that scary, to which you feigned hurt and clutched at your heart dramatically.

“Seriously, no one thinks you are scary, fruit-stripe.” He teased more.

You had to laugh at that. Either he was referring to your hair or to your habit of using the temporary tattoos from fruit stripe gum. If he was talking about your hair, you didn’t much care. You liked the colourful streaks on your otherwise ordinary head. It made you feel good and the colour was always well maintained. And if he was talking about the tattoos, well, he had you there. It was just a little bit of fun putting those little zebras on your skin.

“You wound me, you little twerp.” You joked.”Not even my style looks dangerous?”

You gestured to your outfit. An older Fleetwood Mac shirt paired with tight black jeans and converse.

“It’s not! Whatcha gonna do about it?” He asked.

You held up your hands like they were claws.

“Did I ever tell you the tale of Jimmy Crow? The boy who laughed so hard and smiled so weird that his face stayed that way?” You challenged.

“No!” He tried to run but you caught him, tickling your fingers into his side.

He cried uncle as you giggled maniacally.

After he did a proper tap-out and agreed you were indeed scary, you let him go.

He caught his breath before saying,“Even though you sometimes look scary on the outside, I know you’re not on the inside.”

You smiled at your baby brother.

So wise for someone so young.

“Yeah yeah, don’t go telling anyone that.” You smiled, ruffling his hair before he had a the chance to don his infamous cap.

“Now get going or you’ll never make it to Lucas or Mike’s before school.”

He seemed to realize the time and bolted out the door; making you shake your head. As for you, it was time for another day at Hawkins High.

You rode in on your motorcycle, beating most of the traffic. Your mother had begged you to get a car with your money because it was more sensible. You, however, wanted the freedom of the open road without the confinement of a large vehicle. There was more control in it.

Plus, some of the other high school kids thought it made you look dangerous or cool.

You weren’t all that cool though, not really. You only had a small group of friends.

Speaking of your friends, you caught up with them reaching Nancy’s locker.

“Let me take one guess.” You strolled up to them, just catching Barb in a dreamily mocking tone saying something about making out a few times with someone.

“He’s got great hair?”You questioned, teasing your brunette friend with a bump of your elbow.

Nancy blushed.

“She is refusing to admit it.” Barb sighed, teasingly.

You chuckled.

“She’s going to be so cool now, it’s ridiculous.” Barb commented at you.

Nancy denied it.

“Better not stop hanging out with us when you get super popular.” You put air quotes over the last two words.

“And swear to god if you start hanging with Tommy H and Carol l-“ Barb began.

“Gross.” Nancy and you said in unison.

Nancy kept denying it, but as she spoke, she couldn’t help the look on her face. She was so smitten with Steve “the hair” Harrington.

“Okay, I’m telling you both, it was a one-time…two-time thing.”

Nancy pulled out a note from her locker.

“You were saying?” Barb teased.

You just went.”Oooo.”

The three of you laughed a little.

Then you realized the time.

“Gonna be late for history.” You said.”Have fun with Steve.” You winked at Nancy and laughed on your way.

[faeriejukyung]

True Beauty’s Gaping Mother Wound

*disclaimer*: I understand that all the listed traits are things which are often very common in Asian households, and it may seem that rather than being concerning, these are just a part of Asian culture. That is why, I feel that it’s necessary for me to make it clear that I am, in fact, Asian (Indian to be specific), and parental abuse is something that is extremely normalized here. As someone who has experienced it firsthand, I want to say that just because something is common/normal, doesn���t necessarily mean that it is correct. If you or anyone you know is in a situation like that, it’s very very important to speak out. And it’s not your fault, i know it’s easier to believe that way but it’s really not. We deserve to be in a loving environment, regardless of what culture we are born in.

Throughout the drama, Jukyung’s mother shows many traits of an abusive mother. I have been able to outline 4 of them. I don’t mean to write her off as an evil character,, because overall she is well intentioned, and just like any other mom, she does love Jukyung. This is shown in episode 8 too, where she shows remorse for her actions. That however, doesn’t justify her abusive behavioral patterns in any way. Because we can see how badly it affects Jukyung, her self esteem and her overall view of herself.

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Act 1: “I’m going to kill you today and go to jail” -- Physical Violence.

Throughout the series, we see Jukyung's mother being very violent. But one scene which particularly stood out to me was the scene where she finds out about Jukyung's dad getting scammed. (in episode 1). While it is true that her dad caused a huge financial loss to the family, and anyone would feel angry in a situation like that, it is also true that there is never a good reason to physically abuse someone.

After hearing the news, Jukyung's mom is overcome by anger. It's completely okay to feel frustrated, but the way she violently jumped at her husband, clearly intentioned to hurt him, and the way she needed to be held back by juyoung and heekyung highlights her abusive nature. And this isn't a one time thing where she momentarily lost control of herself. She constantly shows similar behavioural traits throughout the drama.

In the scene where we see Jukyung's mom and dad together properly for the first time, their relationship dynamic is established. He's meekly massaging her shoulders while she orders him around. Their is an obvious power imbalance in the relationship, and the way Jukyung's dad cowers in fear around Jukyung's mom is a proof of that.

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Act 2: "Why would you kill my precious son?" -- Conditional Love.

We see examples of Jukyung’s Mom’s conditional love in the kdrama AND in the webtoon. Conditional love is when a parent or a parental figure makes their child compete for love. They withhold their affection until the kid acts in ways that are desirable to them, and if the kid fails to do so, the parent often punishers them through different methods. This is their way of maintaining control over their children.

Jukyung’s Mom’s conditional love manifests itself in the form of favoritism towards her eldest daughter Heekyung, who’s not only conventionally beautiful but also very smart and has a high paying job, and towards her youngest child and only son, Juyoung, who is also written to be very attractive. Both Juyoung and Heekyung have gifts that Jukyung does not posses -- beauty and brains. The conditions that are established in order to attain their mother’s affection are getting good grades at school, and being conventionally attractive, which is why Jukyung often gets the shorter end of the stick

In the scene where we are first meet Heekyung is the drama, their mom’s affection towards her is very evident.

This is shown in the webtoon too.

She displays this favoritism towards Juyoung too, and even more so. In episode 1 where Jukyung tries makeup for the first time, and gets ridiculed by him for doing a bad job at it, she naturally feels angry and yells at him, “do you want to die?!”, but instead of telling Juyoung to stop, their mother yells at Jukyung for yelling at Juyoung (”why would you kill my precious son? why?”). It’s already very evident that Juyoung has picked up the habit of constantly taunting Jukyung for her face from his mom. In the webtoon, when Jukyung decides that she wants to pursue makeup arts and asks for her mom’s support and fees for academy, her mom flat-out refuses, saying that they don’t have enough money. However as we find out later, money wasn’t the problem, because she had enough money to send Juyoung to a cram school for acting.

I find it hard to believe that any good parent would constantly compare their children and pit them against each other like this. In the webtoon and the kdrama, it is made clear that Juyoung doesn’t have particularly good grades either, but he doesn’t have to face his mother’s wrath by the virtue of being good looking. Jukyung on the other hand, does not have any redeeming qualities.

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Act 3: “I’m going to throw all your makeup away” --Excessive Anger.

Another sign of parental abuse is display of excessive anger. It’s usually used as an intimidation tactic to keep the child in line. Sometimes, it can simply happen because they lose control of themselves. Either way, parents who get angry more often than what is supposed to be normal, and hurt their children (physically or verbally) in the midst of their anger, repeatedly, are abusive. I feel like I don’t even need to elaborate on this one. Jukyung’s Mom is angry during half of her scenes. And the way she acts upon that anger crosses the limit too. Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to express your the way you feel, but the way Jukyung’s Mom does it, is extremely unhealthy and hurtful to others around her. Whether she’s jumping on Jukyung’s dad or talking down on Im Jukyung, she’s very inconsiderate of how her anger affects others. She almost always expresses herself in an extremely volatile way.

Jukyung described makeup as a hopeful light opening up a new life for her. There’s even a whole music segment of her discovering the powers of makeup, characterized by pastel and bubblegum tones, and the segment has a magical feel to it. Suffice to say that makeup brought an almost magical kind of hope and optimism to her life. In episode 6, Jukyung's Mom goes to her school to get her report card. When she sees her low grades, she gets so angry that she threatens to throw away her makeup, without once considering why Jukyung is so attached to it. In my eyes, she's actually very similar to Soojin's dad who also uses intimidation and physical violence to keep his daughter in line. If we put the same background music for the scenes where we see Jukyung's Mom threatening her, as the ones where Soojin's dad abuses her, they'd practically be identical. The only difference is that the show often plays Jukyung's Mom's behavior as a joke.

In episode 7, after seeing that Jukyung didn't improve as much as she wanted her to, she actually threw away all her makeup. Even though Jukyung did try, and did improve, it still wasn't enough for her mom. Jukyung's restlessness after not seeing her makeup on her table was palpable through the screen. Finding out that her mother threw all her makeup away sort became her breaking point. We see her yell at her mother and express her feelings for the first time.

I think it's important to note that Jukyung, who's already finds it very tough to reach out to her courageous side, was inspired by this incident to stand up to her mom, to express her outrage. Saying that makeup meant a lot to her is an understatement.

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Act 4: "What's the point of looking beautiful with all that makeup on if you're ugly underneath?" -- Verbal Abuse.

We all get into arguments with our parents from time to time, and I’m sure we’ve all been yelled at by them at some point. Verbal abuse however, is not something that is normal, and the two shouldn’t be confused. A parent who constantly humiliates their child, yells and screams at them, talks down on them is in simple terms, an abuser. 

In episode 1, when Jukyung tries makeup on for the first time and goes to school, she gets ridiculed by her bullies and her classmates. Crestfallen, she returns back home after school and goes to her mother for reassurance. Instead of providing that, her mother ridicules her even more and calls her makeup “Ghost Makeup”. This is something abusers often do. Under the guise of teasing the victim, they often attack the victim’s self esteem, appearance etc, to make them feel insecure and to maintain their position of power over them. Jukyung’s mother isn’t very different from those bullies who told Jukyung that she was ugly and made her feel like she could never amount to anything. 

Another example that irks me a lot is from episode 3, when Jukyung’s Mom is chewing her out for being late, and suddenly the conversation turns to cosmetics and makeup. This is also one of the traits of verbal abuse. Instead of arguments surrounding the basic issue, they branch out and turn into character assassination. Her mom accuses Jukyung of wasting all her time on makeup instead of studying, even when Jukyung clarifies that she got late because she missed her bus, not because she was out buying cosmetics. But her mom doesn't listen and says to her, “What’s the point of looking beautiful with all that makeup on when you’re still ugly underneath?” 

Jukyung’s face after hearing her own mother say that was heartbreaking. Unfortunately, this type of mother-daughter relationship dynamic isn’t something  that is rare. Mothers frequently project their own insecurities on their daughters and put them down. Jukyung’s Mother’s behavior explains her self esteem issues, it gives an insight about where her insecurities really stem from. Sometimes our abuser’s thoughts and image of us start maligning our own self image. Frequently hearing them tell us that we are worthless, and that no one will ever marry us or love us, makes us believe that we are in fact, worthless and incapable of being loved unless we change something about ourselves. We frequently get an insight into how Jukyung thinks of herself throughout the drama. 

“It’s not my fault that I was born dumb” (In episode 7, after finding out that her mother threw away her makeup.)

“You know that I’m messed up” (In episode 2, referring to her face, while asking Lee Suho to keep her bare face a secret)

The drama is yet to end so I don’t want to completely write Jukyung’s Mother off as an abuser. I hope she becomes a better mom in the show, I really do. Because Jukyung deserves a loving mother. And Jukyung's mom does in fact have a few redeeming qualities, however, simply love and caring isn’t enough, you need mutual respect, reassurance and effort in each every relationship. We know that Jukyung’s mother is also often labelled as an ugly woman, and she believes that she could only get by through studying well. (“It’s going to be okay as long as you study well” - episode 1). In a world where a woman either has to a exceptionally beautiful to be considered worthy, or be exceptionally intelligent and professional lest she isn’t blessed by beauty, it’s very easy to internalize self hatred and direct it on to other individuals (especially if those individuals are your children). That is why i genuinely find myself rooting for Jukyung’s mother and hoping for a character development arc -- because i understand where she comes from, and because i can empathize with her. 

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Fin.

[evak-fic-rec-turtleanon]

Evak Fics - Pining

I’m posting half of this list first because I started it a long time ago and it’s taking me a while to go through all the fics. So I will update with more later. 

*** Mutual Pining *** Pining - I might put mutual pining under pining if we don't see much of the other person pining. *** Bonus - The pining is not between Evak 

For the anon from this ask.

I will try my best to separate out the mutual pining fics but I think it will be tricky if it's not tagged as that. So bear with me and let me know of any mistakes or fics I missed out on.

. First Posting : 11 July 2021. Under 15k fics.  .

******* Mutual Pining *******

Even the Illustrator by eavk (SERIES, 3 fics) - An AU where Even’s an illustrator who draws what kids describe to him for YouTube, and Isak is the smitten father of a six year old with a wild imagination.

Postcards by HedwigsTalons (1k words) - Isak's wall is covered in postcards. Isak is supportive of Even's career and he cherishes every postcard but the long distance relationship hurts.

Feelings Come and Go, But Not With You by ultimatelawrence (1.9k words) - It was meant to just be a holiday romance. A fling. Nothing like love. But now it was six months later and Even was still pining over the angel he had met in Paris.

let's pretend into forever by Bellakitse (2.3k words) - “Let me get this straight,” Even starts. “You lied to your boss about having a boyfriend, told her it was me, and now you need me to go with you to your science nerd dinner?”

i will love you until the very, very end (and you were my best friend) by traumatic (2.4k words) - Isak and Even share something in the cool waters of a spring fed pool that no one, not even their fiancées, could ever understand.

Breathe Me by photographer_of_thoughts (4.5k words) - A high school reunion brings Isak and Even together after ten years, and neither of them can forget what happened when they were both seventeen.

Everything comes back to you by MermaidsandMermen (4.8k words) - Light pining. A dribble oneshot for Halloween, full of fluff and Even and Isak and a tiny pinch of angst. Because we need some Halloween fluff. That's all.

Fuck Tha Police by MacksDramaticShenanigans (5.2k words) - “This,” Eskild said, spinning the photograph around so everyone could see it, “is a picture of the latest piece of vandalism from our favorite little street punk.” he finished with a heavy sigh. They are both cops.

i tried to be strong but i lost it (i knew it was wrong, i’m beyond it) (6.3k words) - Even has a thing for his intern, Isak has a thing for his boss, they're both a bit clueless and their friends just want them to get their shit together.

all I see is you by littlemovie (Lejla) (7.4k words) - “Aren’t you gonna ask me why I’m a bad person?” Isak somehow whined and demanded at the same time. Jonas blew out a breath in amusement, which made the dark curls on his forehead move with his breath. “I’m guessing it has something to do with that guy, Even, from the coffeeshop?”

Addicted by endlessandinfinite (8k words) - They’re both completely, overwhelmingly, and incredibly...addicted. Best friends to lovers.

Calleth You, Cometh I by Kollakolan (8.4k words) - “Isak!” Mikaels pipes up. “Didn´t you two have a thing?” he turns to Even. A thing, Even thinks to himself. Yes, Isak and him definitely had a thing. They actually had a low-key thing going for years, but it never really turned into something more. The timing was never right.

In Vino Veritas by Sabeley (9.9k words) - After seven years apart, Isak wakes up to find Even in his bed and a wedding ring on his finger.

Let Me by GayaIsANerd (10.6k words) - Summer brings a lot of things. The smell of sunscreen. The sound of children playing in the shallow part of the lake. The taste of cold beer. The sweet tang of weed. But most importantly, summer brings Isak.

Something Borrowed, Something Blue by BluebeardsWife (10.8k words) - Fake dating AU, you know the drill. Even hires Isak to pretend to be his boyfriend at his ex's wedding. This Means Nothing to Me by cuteandtwisted (10.8k words) - Isak and Even are friends and roommates who don't believe in love anymore (after they both get dumped by other people) until they do. Aka the Friends/Roommates-To-Lovers Don't you let me go by solarpower21 (12.2k words) - In this universe, Isak and Even are roomates and nothing more. Except that there is something more between them and they both know that but are too stubborn to admit it. Too bad it takes a very unfortunate event for them to face the truth. Burn Down The Disco by TheGirlNoOneKnows5 (12.2k words) - A 'Black Mirror: Hang The DJ' AU in which Isak and Even decide to rebel against a futuristic dating system that pairs users up with various people in order to find their perfect match.

La Petite Mort by EvenbechNeiheim (13.4k words) - Even Bech Næsheim is one of those cool and very hot media students at Uni who might just got the task to make a film project. Eskild is the best wingman and things like accidently falling in love with an asshole media student happen. Based on the FIRST KISS YouTube video that gave the internet an entire meltdown. 

when your heart is bleeding, i'm coming to get you by orphan_account (13.5k words) - Isak doesn't exactly expect his hookup from last week to be the love advice columnist at the school newspaper he's working at. He also doesn't expect to fall even harder for him than he already has, which is a shame, really, since Even's crushing on someone else. 

Heal My Heart for Christmas by iwritetropesnottragedies (recklesslee) (13.5k words) - It’s been ten years since Isak left his small town for the big city of Oslo with his father. He hardly even thought of his time there anymore. Until he received a letter from his mother asking him to come home for Christmas for the first time since he had left. 

Love in the Time of COVID: Battlestar Edition by sweetasmaple (14k words) - Isak and Even find each other again during the COVID-19 lockdown, one Battlestar Galactica episode at a time. 

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******* Pining *******

never seemed so alive by retts (1k words) - Nothing special, just four letters strung together to spell out E V E N but they made Isak's heart race and his face blush and his hands tremble.

Hopeless by waitineedaname (1k words) - Light pining. There was no way in hell Isak would be able to talk to Even. He was tall and cool and handsome, and Isak was pretty sure talking to him would make him spontaneously combust.

i could probably just curl up in you. by milominderbinder (1.3k words) - Isak is away at a cabin with the guys when he gets a text from Even. 'hey, babe, did you take my favourite hoodie?' He is, of course, outraged that Even would accuse him of such treachery. The fact that Isak is wearing the hoodie at that very moment has nothing to do with it.

stuck on you (what did i do?) by itjustkindahappened (1.8k words) - It’s not that Even doesn’t try to be friendly with him—Isak just makes it so hard. Whenever Even approaches, Isak either makes up a fumbling excuse to leave, or just becomes really stiff and refuses to acknowledge Even’s existence.

now and forever (i will be your man) by thekardemomme (2.2k words) -Warning for pain. 3 times isak kisses even +1

i be up in the gym just working on my fitness by orphan_account (2.3k words) - Even knows that he's quite literally going to die when he finds his crush sweating on an elliptical, reading a book with his glasses slipping down his nose.

You know where I stay by nofeartina (2.4k words) - Warning for pain. Isak is so beautiful first thing in the morning. When he still has creases in his face from the pillow, when his face is red and puffy from sleep, his hair all messed up and curly. Even prefers this Isak. This is his Isak, this is only for him.

won't you be my livewire by itjustkindahappened (3.2k words) - "i've been tryin to grab your attention in class for over half an hour by poking you and throwing things onto your desk and you're refusing to acknowledge me and gdi all i wanted to do was tell you that you look cute and now it's gone too far and i can't go back"

Cookies and Cream by GayaIsANerd (3.5k words) - Isak has a crush on the barista. He's too scared to do anything about it, but luckily there's a blizzard coming up.

i can feel the weather in my bones by EvenbechNeiheim (3.7k words) - Isak and Even are childhood friends. There’s a boyfriend sweater and Isak is just desperate to wear it.

On the silver screen by Lokkanel (4k words) - Isak was really not in the mood for this. He had a long week at work, and all he wanted was to relax with his friend, drink a few beers, maybe even smoke some weed and just chill. But no. When Jonas called him to say that he won tickets to the coolest indie film festival in Oslo, Isak knew he could forget his plans for a quiet and simple weekend.

I want to love you (in my own language) by fauu_stine (4k words) - “Okay. Maybe I’m not happy,” he admits in a resigned whisper. “Do you need a shrink discussion or a best friend discussion?” "I think- I think it’s more of a friend with benefits kind of talk."

Don't be an ass by Julieseven (4.1k words) - Even really tried to forget about him. It started out as a harmless little crush, really. He saw him at the karaoke bar SYNG one night, singing "I don't want to miss a thing" at the top of his lungs, clearly drunk out of his mind, but looking like an angel with his messy dark blond locks and crooked smile.

Little Black Book by Laika (4.3k words) - Isak Valtersen is studying his third year at the University of Oslo and having the time of his life. Enter Evy Bech Næsheim, straight out of Nissen, in his stockings, mini skirts and bubblegum scented lip gloss.

cracks in our foundation by towonderland72 (4.8k words) - “You know, like a thousand years ago, men used to wear makeup?” Even asks, as Isak gapes at himself.

Safest With You (Green Curtains) by eavk (5.3k words) - Isak keeps staying up too late studying at the library, but luckily there's an escort service that gives students a buddy to walk with to keep safe at night.

the one with the prom video by thekardemomme (5.5k words) - Even has been in love with Isak since they were younger, but he never intended for Isak to find out this way.

Senses by Lokkanel (5.5k words) - Sight, hearing, smell, touch, taste… Or Even falling in love with Isak, one sense at a time.

you're the one i wanna grey with (5.6k words) - They've only been dating a month, so Isak shouldn't be pathetic enough to miss Even this much when he's only gone for a weekend.

Orion's Nebula by thekardemomme (5.6k words) - Light pining I think. Even Bech Næsheim was enrolled in an astronomy class for one reason and one reason only: the cute ass boy he saw standing in the registration line.

with the taste of a poison paradise by chasingflower (6k words) - It’s routine by now. Isak hangs out with his friends during the day and at night he kisses the Dream-Even that lives on the other side of the door in his living room, and basks in the warm fuzzy feelings he gets as a result of the attention. Coraline Au.

How to Get Your Man - A Plan By Even Bech Naesheim by Evakkk (6.1k words) - When Magnus drops a big secret in front of Even... Even comes up with a brilliant plan to get Isak to reveal his true feelings. All it takes is one little lie, and one crazy family reunion.

To Burn With Desire by photographer_of_thoughts (6.1k words) - AU in which Isak and Even are neighbours and Isak's father has a secret job that unintentionally helps Isak realize he's in love with his best friend.

Watermelon Sugar by MermaidsandMermen (6.6k words) - A little tribute to fruit and touching. To sex, and friendships and finding what you were looking for all along. And of course inspired by Harry Styles latest video offering, just because.

The Fake Boyfriend App by Crazyheart (7.2k words) - AU where Isak is desperately pining for his flatmate Even, and downloads a fake boyfriend app to get over him. When he discovers that the Fake boyfriend is a human, and not a bot, he is sceptical.

That look you give that guy by Lokkanel (7.4k words) - Isak and Even love each other in secret. It is almost thrilling at first, but when hiding and lying to their friends begin to take a toll on Even, Isak decides to end it all. He thinks he has taken the right decision, until Even eventually moves on with someone else.

my longing drives me crazy for you (7.7k words) - Isak's mum worries, Isak makes bad life decisions and Even loves Isak. It's a fake dating au.

I'm Always Here by nofeartina (9.3k words) - “Did you know that Even is working this summer? At that pool at the Plaza?” Jonas says. Isak actually sits up in excitement at this. “Fuck yeah!” Oh, a pool. Actual water they could go swimming in and cool down. And also, Even.

a garden for your love by eggsntoast (9.3k words) - He’s learning to breathe with them, even if he ends up with a floor full of violets by the end of it all. They remind Isak of him, and that’s all that matters. That’s what makes it worse. or: a Hanahaki au ft. Isak heavily pining after Even. Lots of angst.

I wrote an angry letter to the void, and the void responded (9.5k words) - Monday comes, and the book is still there. Isak looks around, content to find the floor practically empty, before giving the book the finger. Fuck that book. - a book finds it's way to Isak's sacred study spot. this proves to be a major distraction.

a constant state of closeness by chevythunder (9.7k words) - “What is it about this dude, anyway?” Elias asks. “You’ve barely even talked to him, right?” “I don’t know,” Even says. “I just got this feeling, you know? Just- I want to make sure he’s okay and safe and… stuff.” - It starts with a hug.

Is This Our Time? by Evakkk (9.9k words) - This is a world where everyone is born with an indistinguishable soulmate mark... it only changes into something recognizable, once you have physical contact with your soulmate, and it's always something meaningful to the relationship. Both partners will bear the same mark. Isak is about to turn 18... and he's the only one in his friend group who still hasn't found their soulmate. But what happens when he goes out one night, gets drunk... and wakes up with his soulmate mark?

Is This What You Wanted? by cuteandtwisted (9.9k words) - Isak is filthy rich and Even is a hardworking male model who just got signed to his father's agency. Even gets an awful offer from Isak: one night with him in exchange for money, and begins to despise him. Little does he know that everything he thinks he knows about Isak is wrong.

Just like in the movies by Lokkanel (10.5k words) - As he began taking in his surroundings, Isak realized he was in one of those small theaters that programmed independent and artsy movies, even old black and white films. He was ready to turn around and walk away when he heard a deep voice say, “Halla.”

my tiny heartbeat in his ear by riyku (11k words) - Now, about a week after the longest day of the year, the empty house across the street has stopped being empty. most beautiful things by scarletbluebird (12.7k words) - This fic is a whole ass journey. Warning for pain. This isn’t a fairytale, Isak tells himself. Even is standing at the bend in the road. He looks like a metaphor for immortal life: the youth a god would kill for. Ambrosia eyes, the universe trapped in the curve of his mouth. He looks like every warning from his mother about strangers you run into after dark. 

One week by Lokkanel (12.8k words) - This thing going on between Isak and Even, whatever they called it - fuckbuddies, friends with benefits - was simple, fun, nothing more. They were friends, they were both free to do whatever they wanted with other people. They’d just meet and have sex whenever they felt like it. Simple. Until what was bound to happen eventually did and Even fell for Isak. 

Plum by Jamz24 (13.2k words) - Femme!teacher!Even asks masculine! plumber!Isak to fix a broken shower on a scorching hot summer day...And if you think it sounds like the start of a porn film you're absolutely right! There's LOADS of smut but ... with LOTS of feelings 

Never be the same by nofeartina (14.2k words) - It starts with a bet - one of those really stupid ones: can they last an entire month without any kind of sex?It’s been 22 days – and Even is dying. 

Somewhere I’ve never been by MinilocIsland (14.6k words) - The first time Even meets Jonas' best friend, nothing goes according to plan. 

If I Should Fall Behind by MinilocIsland (14.7k words) - The plan for tonight had been crystal clear. Stay close to his best friend, and steal her away if needed. Hold her hand through the ordeal of meeting Noora again for the first time in years. Then Even shows up – and suddenly, nothing goes the way it was supposed to. 

All I Ever Wanted by MinilocIsland (14.8k words) - Isak is such a good friend. Probably the best there is. How else could he explain that he's agreed to join Magnus to this place deep in the woods for six full days of silence, meditation, and utter boredom? One thing, he knows. There's nothing exciting for him there. Right? Or: the silent retreat AU. 

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******* Bonus *******

Season 3: Jonas by Laika_the_husband (WIP, SBB 2021 fic) - There is a scene in the end of the script for season 1, where Jonas and Isak kiss each other on a dare. This story is a retelling of season 3 in a universe, where that kiss happened and completely changed the way Jonas sees Isak. Written in Jonas' POV, the story examines sexuality, love, friendship and coming to terms with never getting the boy you shouldn't have fallen for in the first place.

What the fuck is wrong with me? by notanugget (11.6k words) - The five times isak felt guilty for being in love and the one time he didn’t 

thanks for the weed, thanks for everything by evak1isak (13.1k words) - Jokael. Jonas' dealer has moved to Denmark, and Even recommends his friend's weed. What Jonas didn't expect, though, was to develop a crush on a boy, on Mikael. 

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******* WIP *******

Baby, why do you have to shine so bright? by Lilacpotter - Even knew he was radiant, and he was used to people always wanting to be around him, enchanted by his captivating words and glowing smiles, as if he was the tantalising sun. But then one day, he comes across someone who shines much brighter than the sun itself in Even’s eyes.

Lonely Hearts Club by EndingsNotTheStory - The Hearts Club. A show run by Isak and his 3 friends. He's kind of had enough with hearing about people's relationship issues and giving advice. Until the guy from his theatre class and Isak's totally not crush Even calls, dealing with relationship issues. pining

[onlyherefortheshowmances]

So I saw someone else get an anon message that said: “I hate to admit this, but I really can't shake the feeling that Benji loves Victor more than Victor loves Benji at this point.” I wanted to respond as well, because I think this is something people are probably seeing a lot and I really want to explain how I’m looking at it (from personal experience and just from looking at and examining the characters).

CW/TW: Mental Health, suicidal ideation/action mention, Addiction, Emotional Trauma, sex mention, Predatory relationship mention, catholicism, homophobia, misunderstandings, lack of communication, spoilers for love victor seasons 1 & 2 [let me know if I missed anything please]

I want to be frank in saying that Benji is my favorite character and I project onto him a lot (along with seeing a lot of myself in him). I’m also white AF, so I’m sure some of you think that’s relevant, but I really don’t think it is in this particular case. I do also however identify with Victor in a number of ways and I am trying to see the characters both as complex individuals with deep personal histories. Both have suffered traumas and both are clearly dealing with a lot of their own shit on top of being sixteen/seventeen and dealing with junior year of high school and all the pressures and expectations that brings for everyone.

I think what people are interpreting at loving someone more/less is actually about prioritizing someone/a relationship more/less. In my mind, from what I see on screen and interpret, they both love each other beyond words. They are both very much in love with one another. It comes down to how they display that to each other and to the public as well as where on their list of priorities this relationship falls.

Let’s start with Victor, struggles and life:

He is dealing with internalized homophobia and associated thought-patterns stemming from his upbringing in the Catholic church as well from the vocalized homophobic remarks from his mother (toward himself and Benji as well as likely at other points in his life toward strangers), his father (stating that he hopes Adrian doesn’t turn out ‘like that’; the scene in S1 where they’re at the church in Texas and he calls the hairdresser ‘flojito’; etc.), and his grandparents (on his birthday and likely at other points in his life). As a result of this, Victor tried to make himself straight (or at least interested in a girl) by dating Mia because he did like her as a person and everyone was telling him that’s what he was supposed to do. He ended up hurting her and almost losing her friendship (temporarily, he did, but she does seem to have forgiven him now).

He is dealing with outside homophobia as well. That kid on the very first day he was Creekwood responding to Benji helping him up. Felix’s comment that same day of ‘you don’t want to give people the wrong idea.’ The basketball team/gym class guys roasting him about not hooking up with Mia on the ferris wheel. Felix saying he’d be crazy to not like Mia. Lake asking ‘are you gay or something’ when he brought Felix along to Mia’s house, etc., etc. Some of these things may seem innocent enough, but they weren’t. Not to Victor who was already struggling to accept even the possibility that he might be gay. Once he managed to come out to his parents, obviously his father got better fairly quickly, but Isabel continued to struggle for six months which put even more pressure on Victor to try to lead this double life. Once he came out at school, the whole fiasco with the basketball team also occurred and that was a lot for him, because Basketball as always his safe-space. It’s where he went to get away from all the other pressure. It was something he didn’t have to think about and now suddenly, he did. Those pressure are also affecting his ability to think about what he may want and it seems affecting his ability to think (at all sometimes) about how any of that is also affecting Benji. It’s affecting him so much that he’s basically blind to how it’s also affecting Benji to see him suffer. He doesn’t even consider that possibility until Felix brings up how hard it is for him the night Felix breaks up with Lake and Venji get caught having sex.

Victor also has struggles away from just his coming out and accepting himself journey. He has the struggles associated with his parents separation. Until fairly recently, Victor always thought his parents had a perfect relationship. He saw that as the ideal. Get together in High School, get married right away, stay together for ever, happily ever after. That’s what he was raised to expect. And now he’s seeing their relationship fall apart before his eyes. Hell, his devoutly Catholic mother had an affair, and he’s wondering if it’s really possible for your first love to be your only love especially after he and Benji start butting heads, so he’s already vulnerable to that viewpoint when Rahim brings up the possibility. He gets so lost in what’s happening to his parents and what Rahim is saying about it not usually working out that he forgets how in love he is and he sort of loses his will to fight for what he wants, because maybe it’s just doomed to fail anyway (until he sees Benji at the wedding and it sort of hits again - and then Felix’s speech thereafter, obviously). He kind of loses his way by getting caught up in the statistic improbability of your first love being the one and watching his parents’ marriage potentially fall apart and he wonders for a moment if it might be easier, if it might be better to just walk away and go toward Rahim who he seem to get along with and seems to understand the things Benji doesn’t about him, but what he fails to examine in that moment is that he’s only barely scratched the surface with Rahim and that Rahim doesn’t know him like Benji does and that every relationship has it’s ups and downs and what it always comes down to is how willing both parties are to work to make things right. How much you’re willing to step into the other person’s shoes and try to understand. In my opinion, even if he were to walk away from Benji and go to Rahim, that bubble of understanding isn’t going to last forever either. He’s failing to remember that when he got together with Benji (and for most of the summer it seems) that’s exactly what it was like and failing to remember that they have grown beyond that into a deep soul-altering love for one another that deserves his time, energy, and effort and NEEDS those things to keep it going.

Now let’s talk about Victor’s priorities in life:

Victor has always been close with his family, especially his mother. The strain on that relationship is very taxing on his mental well-being. He has a hard time ‘standing up to’ her or talking back to her, etc. because he loves her and he just wants their easy, close relationship back. He already overcame his own anger at her affair to get her back, but now she’s the one pulling away because of his sexuality and it’s hurting him because if he was able to forgive her for something that was actually wrong, why can’t she forgive him for something that he has no control over. So he loves his mother and his family and he hates disappointing them. He has spent most of his life fixing his family’s issues (as he explains to Simon in S1), but now he is the issue and he doesn’t know how to handle it. When in 2x1 he decides to just bring Benji over and try exposure therapy with his mom, it backfires in a big way. Even though they barely touch each other. Even though Benji just says the word boyfriend once, it’s too much for Isabel and Victor desperately wants to please. He desperately wants to not lose his mother (who has always been the person he is closest to), so that causes him to take a step back from going against her and the steps he still takes (telling her he wants her to call Benji his boyfriend not just his friend, the whole conversation outside the church, the conversation with Adrian, etc.) are things that Benji doesn’t get to see happening and it frustrated Victor that Benji won’t even listen to him when he tries to say that his mom is making progress at all, because she is so important to him and yet it seems like Benji just doesn’t even recognize or care about that. This leads him to say the thing he does at Brasstown before Benji runs out, because he assumes that it has to do with Benji being white and of course, that is part of it, but I think Victor in that moment is so overwhelmed by the rejection of his mother and now the refusal of his boyfriend to even try to understand that he snaps. He forgets all the struggles Benji has told him from his own past and he just lashes out which causes Benji to leave [more on Benji’s viewpoint of this whole thing later].

Victor also loves basketball. It’s true that in some case LGBTQIA+ individual participate in certain activities to make them seem more ‘normal’. Gay men participating in sports to seem more macho is a common one, so Benji thinking that’s why Victor plays basketball makes sense to an extend, but he never bothers to ask Victor about, only makes assumptions, and Victor feels like the fact that he actually likes sports makes him ‘not gay enough’ (see conversation with Andrew). What he’s forgetting entirely is his encounter with Bram and the gay basketball league in NYC from episode 1x8. There are many ways to be gay, and sports gays do exist and are perfectly valid. That’s not the type of gay Benji or his friends/bandmates are, but it is the type that Victor is and Benji failing to recognize that and failing to understand or even ask Victor about that drives one of many wrenches into their relationship. In episode 1x5 when Benji shows up to Victor’s first game back on the team and does the Go Grizzlies dance with the other basketball girlfriends, it definitely does a lot of help Victor realize this was just a miscommunication/misunderstanding rather than anything malicious. Basketball and his teammates continue to be a priority for him after this, but that seems to be something Benji is now capable of understanding.

Finally, Victor loves Benji. He wants to be with Benji; there is zero doubt about that. However, for Victor when he’s put on the spot (as in episode 2x8) and basically told he has to choose his mom (who has raised him and been his closest confidant and biggest supporter for his entire life) or his boyfriend (who he’s known for almost a year and been dating for six months and is helplessly in love with) it processes as an error message in his brain. He just wants everyone to get along. He’s not mad that Adrian knows that he’s gay (he’s wanted him to know for months), but he is upset that his mom is now even angrier. [see my section about Benji in this moment, for more about Isabel’s reactions as well] In his mind, telling Adrian could wait. In his mind, he was willing to go along with his mom’s requests for a while longer just to keep the peace so to speak. He didn’t want his whole life to fall apart and that’s what he thought was about to happen in that moment. That’s why he asked Benji to leave. He didn’t want to make his mom any angrier. Could he have chosen his words better? Yes. Could he have made Benji understand better? Yes. But he’s sixteen and his brain wasn’t functioning at full capacity because post-sex brain is definitely a thing and he was also looking at his mom who has already been horrible and barely able to look at him for six months, looking even angrier after he finally thought they’d made some progress after church the previous week.

So in conclusion, regarding Victor:

He loves his family (especially his mom). He loves Benji. He loves Basketball. Obviously, he’s not going to prioritize basketball over either of the human beings involved, but I think it’s important to at least note it’s importance in his life. As for Isabel vs. Benji. To Victor, these are the two most important people in his life. All he wants is to be able to love both of them and have both of them love him in return. When they are pit against each other, especially directly, it’s hard for him to make a choice. It’s hard for him to say ‘no’ to his mom and it’s hard for him to say ‘no’ to Benji, but in the moment (episode 2x8 specifically), he takes Isabel’s side, because he knows the ramifications of saying no to her and of making her even more angry that she already is are far worse than the ones for asking Benji to leave for the night. He failed to realize however, how close Benji already was to the edge and how upset he was going to be and how little he understood (or was willing to try to understand) about the situation. This is something he really needs to communicate with Benji (even though it’s not quite as important now that Isabel’s apparently come around). I think it’s important for Benji to understand that Victor values his relationship with his mother enough that it’s difficult for him to go against her without a lot of preparation and having a fully fledged reason, etc.

Now for Benji - Struggles and Life:

The obvious of course is that Benji is a sixteen/seventeen year old that’s barely a year sober and attending AA meetings regularly. Recovering from Alcoholism is difficult at any age let alone for a teenager. One of the most important factors in recovery is looking at the things that led you to drink in the first place. Looking at things that may be considered triggers and either learning to avoid those people/situations or learning healthy alternatives in those situations. I have multiple family members who are both actively drinking alcoholics as well as those in recovery. I also lost my best friend/ex-fiancé to alcoholism a few years ago, so to say I have some personal experience in this arena is putting it lightly. Benji admits to Victor in 1x7 that he used to drink a lot because he knew he was gay, but didn’t want to be. To me that whole story screamed, I’m an alcoholic and while a lot of others agreed with that opinion. I was not shocked that Victor didn’t understand that underlying truth. Those that don’t have intimate familiarity with alcoholism often do not recognize the signs (either as they happen when when they are not directly told). It is made clear in episodes 2x7 & 2x8 that Benji hates this part of himself, in fact he says as much to Victor when he arrives at his apartment late the night of his birthday. Benji has still not fully accepted that the alcoholic part of himself that attends AA meetings and drinks orange juice while his friends are drinking vodka is one and the same with the part of himself that loves Victor with all his heart. This is something I’d really like to see him reconcile and work on in season 3 and beyond. Understand that you can’t compartmentalize yourself. You are but one whole person and all facets of yourself are in fact part of the singular you. [Not accounting for those with dissociative identity disorder.] It’s not directly mentioned if he’s still struggling with urges to drink, but most if not all alcoholics do, especially when experiencing those aforementioned triggers. Seeing Benji meeting with his sponsor after the incident with Isabel/Victor is not shocking to me and if anything, that was the healthy and correct response on his part. The reason he was drinking in the first place was that he was gay and didn’t want to be (internalized and probably external homophobia) and he just experience some really intense homophobia at the hands of his boyfriend’s mom (and partially said boyfriend himself). Benji’s lack of understanding of where Isabel was coming from in episode 1x8 speaks volumes to just how traumatize Benji still is about his own experiences with homophobia. The only thing he can think about in that moment is that this woman hates me for being gay. She hates her son for being gay. Being gay isn’t okay, etc. What he doesn’t factor in is that Isabel is also devoutly Catholic. I honestly don’t think it’s the gay part of the sex that horrified her the most. The Catholic faith is also very clear on the practice of abstinence from sex (at all) prior to marriage. She would’ve responded the same way had she walked in on Victor having sex with a girl, in my opinion, but in the moment Benji’s own trauma is overriding his ability to understand that because all he can see is the homophobia. This is especially true after she calls him Victor’s friend rather than his boyfriend and that in my opinion, is why he snaps. Could he have phrased it better? Yes. Could he have said it without shouting? Yes. But he is a freshly seventeen-year-old whose brain is not functioning on all cylinders in that moment.

Sort of coupled with his alcoholism and recovery therefrom is the allusion his mother makes to ‘dark times’ following his accident. I do have suspicions that perhaps he was also struggling with mental illness, and likely continues to. Depression to the point of suicidal ideation or actions (possibly only in the form of drinking, but possibly in other forms as well). Anxiety is pretty obvious from his actions and reactions throughout the series as well. I also think he is dealing with some sort of trauma-based disorder stemming from the homophobia he experienced (especially the instance of his father taking him to strip-club). It may go as far as C-PTSD (which I myself am diagnosed with) or it maybe something less (or even more). I’m not in the habit of sticking mental health diagnoses of people (fictional or otherwise though). Dealing with these things on top of what in his eyes feels like rejection from not only Isabel, but in a way from Victor as well likely causes some very unpleasant thought patterns and the potential for thought spirals and the likely. I also see indications that he could suffer from co-dependency (whish I also have dealt with in the past), but I’m honestly not sure if that’s me projecting or if it’s actually there.

Then on top of all of that, his boyfriend who he loves more than anything in the world, tells his deepest darkest secret to someone he’s literally never met or spoken to and that said boyfriend has only known for maybe a week at best and thinks it’s no big deal. In that moment, I can 110% see why Benji requests to take a break and I feel that choice is 110% the right one to make. What is a relationship built on if not trust? Victor just destroyed most if not all of the trust Benji had in him. That doesn’t mean he stopped loving him, just that he doesn’t trust him. Love isn’t something you can turn off and on like a light switch especially not the kind these two share. I definitely think Victor has a lot of explaining to do and a lot of apologies to make. I do also think they both need to have a really long, really honest and open conversation. Benji needs to be willing to get a little vulnerable and explain why certain things are causing him so much distress, but he also needs to be willing to listen to Victor explain why he can’t simply go against his mother as Benji seems to think he should. They both really demonstrated a degree of selfishness this season along with an lack of communication and a lack of willingness to understand or even try to understand each other’s points of view and that is a recipe for disaster in any relationship.

There also exists the issue of Benji’s parents. His mother especially seems to overstep quite frequently and insert herself into his life where she was not invited or expected. I do wonder if this was always her personality or if this is something that started after Benji’s accident. I have a hunch it was likely the latter. I see indications that perhaps there was some neglect or just general indifference on his parents part as he was growing up. They clearly missed that he had started drinking heavily and that he stole his dad’s car that night. He was also evidently dating Derek for quite a while before the accident. (Derek is another section by himself though.) This not to mention the fact that his father took him to a strip club and paid for a lap dance when he was no more than sixteen if he was even that old, in an effort to turn him straight. Benji tells Victor in episode 1x7 that he and his dad used to be close and that they used to go to Dollywood on road trips and other such things, but that he’s been distant since he came out. We see from the scene where he walks in on Benji and Victor making out that he’s not vocally/outwardly homophobic, but I would not doubt that he still harbors some of those viewpoints in himself. It’s evident to me that Benji is not close to his parents (he may once have been, but at this point it’s pretty clear that he’s not anymore). Benji doesn’t have siblings to the best of our knowledge. It’s also mentioned that his nana (like a paternal grandmother) is deceased, so it’s really not clear how much contact he even has with his extended family or how much of one exists. For these reasons, in his mind, there is no circumstance where his family (especially not his parents) would take precedence of his own happiness or Victor’s. That is why it confuses/hurts/angers him that Victor doesn’t stand up to Isabel, because if the roles were reversed, he would have no problem at all telling his own mother (or father) off. He doesn’t seem to comprehend Victor’s need to keep his relationship with his mother intact. I’m very glad Isabel pointed out to him that Victor has stood up to her and risked their relationship for him, but the disconnect still lies in that Benji isn’t a fan of the fact that he didn't’ do that in his presence and that he didn’t do more.

Then there’s Derek. Derek is at least a sophomore in college in season 2 as he was clearly in college in season 1 as well. Meaning he is at least 19/20 when Benji is 16/17. They had been together for a year the previous spring (episode 1x6) which means they started dating when Benji was 15 and Derek was no younger than 18 (I think he is like at least a year older than the youngest possibility). Georgia’s age of consent is 16, and there are no ‘Romeo and Juliet’ laws in place in the state meaning it is categorically illegal for anyone 18 years of age or older to engage in sexual acts with anyone 15 years of age or younger unless they are legally wed, meaning until Benji’s 16th birthday, this relationship was illegal in general not to mention the predatory nature of someone in college dating a high school sophomore to begin with. They generally don’t prosecute if the people involved are within 4 years of each other though (which coincides with ‘Romeo and Juliet’ laws in other states) which they could’ve been within depending on Derek’s actual age and birthday. It doesn’t seem like charges were filed either way which is questionable on Benji’s parents part. Benji also tells Victor in 1x10 that Derek made him feel bad a lot of the time about the things he like and about being a romantic, we also see Derek crap all over Benji’s special anniversary date in 1x6. The toxicity of that relationship is sure to have left it’s mark on Benji and carried over into his new relationship with Victor. I also find it questionable that knowing that, Benji was shitting all over Victor’s love for basketball at one point (isn’t that exactly what he complained about Derek doing to him about his interests?), though as you see in my earlier comments, I do understand that perhaps Benji wasn't’ fully aware that Victor actually liked basketball and wasn’t just doing it to seem straight/make his dad happy/etc. I also think it’s quite confusing that Victor managed to come up with that date idea for Benji in 1x6 and then the best he could do for Benji’s birthday was champagne and sex? I’d be more than marginally hurt over that if I was Benji, to be completely fair. It is also worth it to note that Benji stayed with Derek for over a year despite all of their problems (which goes back to the possibility of co-dependency issues) and yet he was willing to break up with him just to chase after the possibility of Victor. They had already connected on so many levels even prior to that night that even the possibility of that relationship made Benji willing to leave someone he’d been with for more than a year (obviously Victor’s little speech in the hallway played a part in that).

Benji’s Priorities:

In Benji’s world, he has a few things that could be considered priorities.

Maintaining his sobriety is obviously one, but he keeps that separate from everything else. I don’t see it being held above or below anyone or anything. It’s just a completely separate thing to him (which again I feel he needs to reconcile). He was able to do that while also appeasing his friends and Victor (see episode 2x4 where he switches out his cups).

His music/band is obviously a priority, but again that’s something basic that everyone knows about and accepts. He doesn’t have choose between that and anything or anyone else that we’re shown.

Victor is his primary priority however. To him, that is the most important relationship/person in his life. He doesn’t know what he’d do without him. He says he loves that part of his life which I take to mean, he loves who he is when they’re together and not so much when they’re apart. To him, there is no question of who he would choose if there was a choice in front of him between Victor and literally anyone else (including his parents). That is why it confuses/hurts/angers him when the choice isn’t so simple for Victor when he actually has to make one between Benji and Isabel. Benji isn’t close with his parents and he doesn’t seem to understand what it is like for someone that is. Even if his parents didn’t come around right away. Even if they still may not be fully on board with everything, it didn't’ matter that much to him, because he could stand up to them because he didn’t care about destroying a relationship, because there already wasn’t much of one to begin with. This leads to him not understanding that Victor is seriously conflicted in the moments where he is made to choose between his boyfriend and his mother, because to Benji that choice is crystal clear. Again, they could really do with an honest conversation about this where Benji actually listens and tries to understand where Victor’s coming from, because right now, I think he just doesn’t quite get it. It’s clear that Isabel’s speech at Brasstown helped him to understand or at least start to, and obviously now that Isabel isn’t so much of an obstacle everything becomes a little easier, but it is still something that I really feel they need to discuss and understand about each other.

In conclusion:

Both of these boys need therapy (individual, family, and couples), and they would really benefit from a lot more open and honest communication where they both are able to speak honestly about their needs and desires as well as both being able to listen to and understand (or try to at least) one another.

[justaniche]

Hey! I’m dying for more Daxton. I seriously can’t wait for season 2. Can you write something about Nalini realizing Paxton is good for Devi? Like he takes care of her/protects her and helps her deal with her trauma

Thanks!!

Hi!

omg let me say first, anon, thank you for this ask. youre the first person to take me up on my offer to write stuff for you so thank you again.

A little bit about this writing piece before I actually show it to you, there was a point when I was writing it when I wasn’t sure if it was going to reach 1K words but there was a point where the words just start to flow and I can proudly say it is 2.1K and that is not a lot but based on what I thought it was going to end up being it has come along way. and this is one of my first-ish never have I ever work of writing. I think it’s the first I’ve written entirely off the top of my head. My other ones are either not posted or it’s my work inspired by the episodes and its just everything through Paxton‘s point of view so it’s a bit different.

this is getting sort of long so anyway, without further ado. here it is. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think and if you like it please feel free to send me another!

Nalini had just about had it. The day’s raging dumpster fire began with traffic that resulted in her being late to work. If that wasn’t bad enough, a patient she saw a couple days ago came back complaining that her treatment caused a breakout. After a follow-up, she discovered the patient hadn’t changed any of their habits despite her advice! So was it really the treatment, or the fact that they don’t wash their face? All that suffices to say when Nalini got home she was already on a very short fuse. Kamala was out for school and let her family know she wouldn’t be home for dinner so it was known by both Devi and Nalini that they would be cooking without her today. Nalini gave Devi specific instructions so that, regardless of how late her day ran, they could have dinner at a reasonable time. Devi did not follow those instructions. Nalini came home to the door unlocked, closed but unlocked, the house a mess, and Devi’s part of dinner not made. No matter how many breaths she took, Nalini was mad. No, mad didn’t quite cover it. She silently walked up the stairs, hell-bent on seeing what caused this disaster, and if she didn’t like the reason she planned to riff for the rest of the night. But approaching Devi’s door she found it ajar. She peeked inside, and that's where she found them.

After winning his swim meet, Paxton was on top of the world. The school day had been what it tended to be, light. Filled with class and hanging with his friends in the hotpocket. But that was hours ago. It was early evening when he saw her, Devi Vishwakumar, they had sort of become friends over recent weeks but given the up and down nature of their relationship, Paxton was always very aware of her. Devi had a way of grabbing Paxton’s attention. He was always trying to figure her out. Of course she made a hell of a first impression, first couple of impressions actually. Devi was sorely different from anyone else in his circle and Paxton wasn’t yet sure how he felt about the sudden invasion. He pretended he didn’t but after unintentionally watching her Paxton began to notice Devi’s change in mood sometimes. Like right now, from where Paxton was he saw the set of her shoulders. The tension was apparent as Devi stalked across the school grounds. Confusion flooded Paxton’s mind and before another thought could register, he was jogging towards her.

“ Hey, Vishwakumar, wait up! ” He called towards her but she didn’t stop

Devi cast a look over her shoulder, her voice was muffled when she spoke, “Uh, Hi Paxton, I can’t talk.” her voice cracks, “I’m in a bit of a rush.”

Paxton slows down for a second as he takes in the situation, Devi speeds up.

“Are you okay?”

Devi breaks into a dead sprint and Paxton doesn’t think, he just follows.

Devi was doing okay. Today was harder than most for a reason she couldn’t name but Devi was making it through. That was until last period art class. The teacher gave a simple assignment, and that was to paint your happiest memory. Immediately when the words left his mouth, a memory came flooding into Devi's mind like a tidal wave.

Devi was 8 when her father convinced her mother that going to a Californian beach as a family would be an adventure. Devi barely remembers the build-up, it was a haze of packing sandwiches and equipment. Leaving the house, only to discover something had been forgotten. A car ride that seemed to stretch into forever. But the beach was magnificent. At least it was in Devi’s memory. It was a gloomy day, the threat of rain looming, so the beach’s visitors were far and few in between. Devi remembers that feeling of warm sand under her feet. She remembers those first fragile steps into the tide, only to rush back as the ocean crashed forward chasing her back to shore. She could see her mom, in the distance, setting up their makeshift camp for the day. She was more content watching her family than participating. The ocean was vast and blue and terrifying. Devi could not urge herself to take more than a few steps. Devi doesn’t know how her dad saw her distress but it was like he could read her mind. He grabbed her and lifted her high then settled Devi on his shoulders. He insisted that she was safe there, she was too high for the ocean to ever reach. He held her hand as he walked slowly but confidently further into the waves. He stopped just as the water kissed her mid-calf but it was enough. From way up here, with her father by her side, the ocean wasn’t anything to fear, it was something to marvel at.

Devi had a firm picture in her mind of her happiest memory and it was her family’s adventure at the beach. But Devi couldn’t make a move to make this image a reality. Sadness crept up on her and got a vice grip on her heart. Her vision blurred and she couldn’t breathe. How had she ever breathed before? Was it always this hard? The bell rang, signaling the end of the day but Devi was on autopilot. Eleanor and Fabiola felt miles away, whenever they’d focus in the daze of her mind, the grip on her heart tightened and dragged her back to darkness. Devi doesn’t know if she said goodbye to her best friends,

She blinked, band began

She inhaled, band was over

She stood, the sun was setting

She gazed, the stress stiffened her movements as she walked around campus. Where was she headed?

Devi was desperate for light, for clarity.

“ Hey, Vishwakumar, wait up! ” The sudden noise broke the muddle, if only for now, she was again aware of the devastation and loss weighing on her mind and on her heart.

She recognized that voice and it was getting closer, she glanced over her shoulder. Paxton, no no no, she didn’t want anyone to see this least of all her newest and most popular friend, “Uh, Hi Paxton, I can’t talk.” Why was her voice cracking? “I’m in a bit of a rush.”

Devi finally knew where she wanted to go as she increased her speed.

“Are you okay?” Paxton’s question was the final straw, she couldn’t stop her tears and they fell uncontrollably past her cheeks. Paxton was going to catch up, and Devi was crumbling by the second. So Devi did the only thing she could. She ran, ignoring the echo of the beating steps behind her.

Nalini could hardly comprehend the scene playing in front of her. Devi, her only child, her entire world, looked so small folded up on the floor in front of her bed. Devi was always so strong, with a personality larger than life. She always seemed bigger than her stature, always taking up more space. Nalini's anger from the day deflates, leaving no trace it was ever there to begin with. Nalini tears her eyes away from the form of her daughter to take in the room. It was dark but the other figure inhabiting the room was clear as day. Paxton sat before Devi, his body language soft. He had one hand on the arms Devi wrapped around herself as he spoke to her gently. Paxton’s volume was soft as a whisper, any louder would shatter the delicate atmosphere. Witnessing this scene felt like a secret and the longer Nalini stood there the guiltier she felt. Devi never expressed emotions this deeply to her. Everyday problems with her friends or tests or Ben Gross, yes. But Devi never shared this.

Nalini's mind was going a million miles an hour as he crept back down the steps and began cooking dinner. She knew Devi would refuse but she needed to have something ready, just in case. When everything was mostly done, she was quiet as she moved around the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on the meal. Nalini knew he was trying to walk silently but she still caught Paxton as he descended the steps. Nalini kept her back to him as she called, giving Paxton an out if he needed.

“Paxton?”

“Um...yes, Hi Mrs. Vishwakumar” at the acknowledgment, Nalini felt comfortable enough to turn around.

Paxton was standing in the doorway, shuffling in obvious discomfort. What he expected her to say she didn’t know. Gods, neither did Nalini. Questions flew through her mind faster than she could catch them. She didn’t want to ask him about what happened, Nalini wanted Devi to share when, if, she was ready. Nalini realized, amongst these questions, that she didn’t know Paxton. Here was this kid, late in the evening comforting her daughter. She couldn’t even be upset that they were home alone when she recalled how broken Devi looked. All Nalini had done thus far was judge Paxton, he looked like a jock so she thought him dumb. She made these assumptions about him, that he’d peak in high school or that he was shallow or that he was a walking STI, but they were just that. Assumptions. This kid stayed with her daughter for she didn’t even know how long, she’d been cooking for close to an hour so it was at least that.

All these guesses and judgments were useless when she stood in front of him. Paxton had a rigid set to his limbs, Nalini thought it was probably from sitting in one position for so long, and he was still dressed in gym clothes. Paxton looked new in Nalini’s eyes and she regretted never wanting to know him before now. Nalini didn’t know where to begin, she wondered if he’d eaten.

“Would you like something to eat?” Nalini's silent prayer must’ve been heard because he accepted. She was being given another chance. She quickly worked around the familiar space, grabbing one of the good containers and piling more food than necessary, successfully straining the unyielding plastic. She was handing the meal over when she paused, they both had a hand on the object between them but Nalini couldn’t let go, not yet.

“Thank you, Paxton, really, I don’t know what happened and I won’t ask but I saw what you did for Devi.” Paxton had the decency to look a little shocked. He hadn’t heard anything. Paxton was too absorbed before. His mind was a broken record repeating only, Devi.

The moment shatters when the front door opened, “I’m home!” Kamala’s voice fills the silent home. With the trance broken, Nalini’s hold on the container falters and she drops her hand allowing Paxton to leave. Words were failing him so all Paxton could give was a tightlipped smile in response.

“Thanks for the dinner.” Paxton’s smile was looser now and that gave Nalini courage.

Kamala was unloaded the day around her but Nalini was focused on making this right, “You’re welcome to come by Paxton, anytime.” She could only hope Paxton knew just how much she meant those words. His smile was burdened but bright, he nodded strongly and then he was out the door.

Kamala was fixing the table for a very late dinner when she called for Devi to join, Nalini hoped she would. “Who was that? And why was he here so late?” Pure curiosity laced Kamala’s voice.

“Paxton is one of Devi’s friends. He’s a good kid.”

Those details were all she could provide before Devi came bouncing down the steps. Nalini couldn’t be sure if it was the fact of what she saw or reality but Devi’s movements looked heavier than they normally were.

“What’s up guys?” Devi’s voice feigned casualness, “Dang mom, isn’t it late for a thousand-course meal?” She questioned as she took in the lack of clear surfaces on the dinner table.

Nalini just brushed it off, indicating for everyone to take a seat. “So how was everyone’s day?”

Nalini wasn’t looking for Devi to share but this was her family. She would always want to hear how they were, plus it was tradition. As they consumed insane amounts of food they were bound to regret eating this late at night, everything felt so normal and easy. But something had shifted in Nalini today and even though it was new and she was scared to death of this person entering Devi’s life with the propensity to hurt her. Nalini can’t say she minded too much because it was Paxton. He had proven himself worthy of a chance, and Nalini wouldn’t soon forget it.

[stargazer-sims]

previously…

——

- fifty-two -

"Victor, what are you doing?"

Yuri steps through the door of Victor's room to find him sprawled on the floor with his laptop in front of him. Victor's hair is tousled and he's still dressed in the same sweatpants and t-shirt he'd been wearing since he got back from the gym a couple of hours ago. It's fairly obvious to Yuri that he'd gotten distracted from what he was supposed to have been doing.

Victor glances up. "Hey," he says. "You look cute."

"We're supposed to be getting ready for dinner at Taka's parents' house," Yuri says. "We're finally going to meet Fox, remember?"

"Right," says Victor. "I didn't forget. I was just checking my email, and I kind of got sidetracked."

"With what?" Yuri asks.

Victor has enough class to look embarrassed. "Uh... SimTube videos," he admits.

Yuri really wants to scold him, but he realizes it won't be any use. Victor can't help being the way he is, and the only thing commenting on his lack of focus will accomplish will be to make them both frustrated and upset. He crosses the room to Victor's closet and opens it up, intent on helping him instead. "Anything interesting?"

"As a matter of fact, yeah," Victor says. "Remember me telling you about my friend Davian?"

"Your friend from high school?"

"He was in college at the same time as me and Leo too, until he dropped out and we lost touch," Victor says. "Anyway, i found his Simstagram profile back in the summer, and we reconnected."

"You mentioned that," says Yuri. "I got the impression it wasn't a solid connection, though. We didn't see him when we were in Willow Creek."

"He's pretty busy. Turns out he's kind of famous.”

"Really?"

"Yeah," Victor says. "He's got this online show and he has like, a million followers. He won a couple of Simverse Internet Awards back in the summer, and I guess his following nearly doubled since then, and it looks like he's starting his own production company now, too. He's thinking of calling it Belle Productions."

"Interesting," Yuri says. He holds up two sweaters. "Do you want to wear red or blue?"

"Red," says Victor. "His show's pretty good. You should check it out."

"Later," Yuri says. "Jeans or dress pants?"

"I think you know the answer to that."

"Jeans."

"The next time I wear dress pants will be at Mom and Julian's wedding. You want to hear the really cool thing?"

"About your friend Davian?"

"And his husband, Félix," Victor says. "You know that weird alien baby thing Taka was talking about? Where they somehow combine two sets of DNA and implant it into a person, so same-sex couples or infertile people can have their own biological kids?"

Yuri frowns. He's not entirely sure he likes the direction of this conversation. He goes to the dresser and picks out clean socks and underwear for his husband, along with a t-shirt that will go nicely under the open-necked red sweater. "What did Taka say it was called? Pollination?"

"Sounds like agriculture," says Victor. "Dav and Félix are actually doing it. He was talking about it on his latest episode. Apparently, the baby's due in March, and they get to find out next week if it's a boy or a girl."

"Are they going to do one of those tacky gender reveals?"

"I guess that'll depend on Félix. I get the feeling he's the boss," Victor says, and then adds, "In a good way, though. Kind of like you."

Yuri considers himself aware enough to admit Victor is correct about this. He is bossy, although he's been making a real effort to be less so lately. Victor has, for the most part, stopped calling him by the nickname Mr. Bossy, so it seems he's noticed the change, but he still likes to tease Yuri about it sometimes. Yuri refuses to be offended, choosing to take it as a gentle reminder that he still has some self-improvement to do.

"Some people need to be bossed a little," he says.

"You're right," says Victor. "I wouldn't want you to leave all the scheduling and decision-making to me. Like, we'd be waking up at four in the morning and eating leftovers for breakfast if i was in charge."

"You already eat leftovers for breakfast,” Yuri says. “And there’s a four o'clock in the morning?"

"It's the time of day you told me that I'm not allowed to get up and clean the kitchen, remember?"

Yuri laughs. He does remember. Until he'd convinced Victor of the value in having a regular bedtime and wake-up time, he was likely to wake at any random hour of the night, full of manic energy, and start cleaning the house or working out. The routine has helped them both immensely. Victor is finding it easier to manage his energy, and his concentration and ability to pay attention have improved. As for Yuri, he can count on a solid night's sleep without being interrupted by the sound of the vacuum cleaner or the washing machine.

"I'm glad you don't clean things at four in the morning any more," Yuri says.

"I'm glad you made some rules for me. No leaving the bedroom until wake-up time was a good one."

"I still can't believe you did three hundred sit-ups the first morning we tried out that rule."

"I couldn't vacuum. What else was I supposed to do?" Victor sits up and pulls his laptop onto his knee. "Want to see a picture of Félix? He let Dav post a photo of him on Simstagram, and it's..." he pauses, evidently searching for the right words to express his feelings about it. "Fascinating, but in a Ripley's Believe It Or Not kind of way."

"Honestly, I'm not sure if I want to see it or not,” says Yuri. "Does he look pregnant?"

"Very," says Victor. "It's weird, like one of those things that you really don't want to look at, but you also feel like you can't look away from."

"It sounds horrible," Yuri says.

“It kind of is,” Victor confirms. “But if you can believe the caption, Dav thinks he’s sexy, so I guess that’s all that really matters.”

Yuri feels an involuntary shudder travel the entire length of his spine. “There’s nothing remotely attractive about pregnancy. It’s disgusting.”

“I can appreciate it from the point of, you know… not existing without it. But, yeah. Visually, it’s a huge turn-off, but it’s still clinically intriguing.”

“I don’t think ‘clinical’ and ‘intriguing’ really belong in the same sentence,” Yuri says. “Seriously, why are you telling me this stuff and trying to show me pictures? Are we about to have a conversation about children? Because if we are—"

Victor scrunches up his face in consternation. "What? No, that's totally not where I was headed. I don’t want a kid, and I think I’m safe in assuming you don’t.”

“Perhaps I’ll consider it when Hell freezes over.”

“That’s what I thought,” says Victor.

"I really don't want to see the picture."

"You don't have to." Victor closes his laptop. "Just so you know, if we did want kids, my vote would be for adoption, not alien reproductive science."

"Mine too, if we actually wanted children."

"It makes way more sense to help a kid who doesn't already have a family, right? But, I mean, the alien thing... I'd never voluntarily do something that traumatic and disfiguring to my body. And you definitely couldn't do it. It'd be way too much for you physically, even without the psychological effects.”

"So, why are we talking about it?"

"I was thinking about Taka."

"I don't think Taka is ready for kids."

"Maybe not yet," Victor says. "But I figure it'll only be a matter of time. He sounded pretty serious when he was telling us about the alien thing. He really wants a kid.”

“He’d need a second sample of DNA for the alien procedure, wouldn’t he? He couldn’t do it by himself.”

“It’ll be Fox, obviously.”

Yuri laughs. "Victor!”

“What?”

“Have you been talking to Seiji? He thinks Taka and Fox will be married by next summer."

"Does he? We haven't discussed it, but he might be right."

"We don't know Fox. We haven't even met him yet. You can't make predictions like that," Yuri says. "Besides, he and Taka have only known each other for a month, and Fox was in the hospital for a week of that time."

"I know, but the way Taka talks about him..."

"Taka is silly," says Yuri, smiling. "And so are you."

"I guess I can't argue with that, can I?"

"You could, but you'd be wrong," Yuri teases. "Now, come on. You need to shower and change, and you need to start right now. We'll be late otherwise."

"Okay," Victor says. "Come in and keep me company while I shower?"

"Anything to keep you on track."

"Are you saying I can't focus on a task?"

"Do I need to say that?"

"No, probably not,” Victor concedes. “Anyway, I was thinking I’d show Dav’s website and Simstagram account to Taka. Let him check out what the alien pregnancy thing really looks like. He might want to get in contact. You know, to ask questions and stuff.”

“Know what I think?” Yuri says. “I think you shouldn’t meddle.”

“How is it meddling if I just show him a couple of videos?”

“It isn’t, as long as you leave it at that. Let him figure everything else out on his own, at his own speed.”

“That was generally the plan,” says Victor. “Trust me, I don’t want to see him jumping into anything crazy before he’s ready. I just think it’s good to have all the facts, and I want to help him.”

Yuri smiles. “That’s one of the things I love about you. You want to help everybody.”

“I want Taka to be happy. He deserves that.”

“Everyone deserves that.”

“Of course, but you know Taka. He’s a sweet guy, and it’s like nobody ever takes him seriously in a relationship. He just gets friend-zoned all the time,” Victor says. “But, maybe it’s not gonna be like that with Fox. Maybe they'll get married and have a bunch of kids some day, and have their happily-ever-after, like us.”

"Is that what we're doing?"

"It is from where I'm standing," Victor says. "I figured out something. Everything doesn't have to be perfect in order for people to be happy. We're not perfect, but I'm always going to be happy as long as I'm with you, so yeah. Happily ever after."

“Has anyone ever told you you’re a hopeless romantic, Victor?”

“You. All the time," Victor says. "It's a bit of the crow calling the raven black, though, don't you think?"

"Maybe," Yuri says. In truth, he has to acknowledge that he's probably no less of a romantic than Victor, but he's also not as optimistic as his husband and feels as if his flights of fancy are tempered by realism. "Don't misunderstand. I want Taka to be happy, and I do hope things work out with him and Fox. I just think it's too soon to tell, and I don't think we should speculate too much."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

"We have enough daydreams of our own to keep us busy without coming up with any for our friends."

“I know, but wouldn’t it be amazing if Taka and Fox really are meant for each other? You and me, Leo and Ellie, and Taka and Fox. We just gotta fix Seiji up with somebody who'll stick around, and that'll be it. Can't you imagine all of us becoming old married couples and like, reminiscing about the good old days and stuff?”

“In our rocking chairs on the front porch of our haunted house in Willow Creek, surrounded by our honourary nieces and nephews?”

“If we can find a way to get ourselves into that house—“

“I know,” Yuri says. “Now that it’s officially for sale, we have to figure out what we’re going to do. We have some big decisions ahead of us.”

“Yeah,” Victor says, all the playfulness suddenly drained from his expression. “You think we should talk it over with my mom?”

Yuri nods. “Yes, and mine as well, but not tonight. We should discuss it together first, and I think we should get in contact with Robert and Kim directly instead of only looking at the real estate listing online, but that can wait till at least tomorrow, too.” He holds out his hand. “Now, come on. Let me help you get ready, so we can go.”

Victor lets Yuri pull him up to his feet. “I already have ideas about what I want to do.”

“About the house?”

“Not just the house. I mean, what I want to do when we get there. Like, about school and work and all that.”

“How about you tell me while you’re in the shower? We’ll call it multi-tasking.”

Victor grins. “Me, multi-tasking. That’d be new.”

“Victor, come on.” Yuri tugs at his hand, ineffectually attempting to drag him in the direction of the door. “Do you want to go to the Suzukis’ dinner party, or not?”

“All right, I’m coming,” Victor says. “When have you ever known me to turn down food? Plus, I need to hear all Seiji’s gossip. He must’ve already met a new woman, because Taka mentioned something about him wanting to learn English, and I can’t imagine anything else that’d motivate him. Oh, and didn’t he tell you—”

“Victor! Bathroom. Now.”

“Okay, Mr. Bossy.”

Yuri sighs. Sometimes he wonders if he’s fighting a pointless battle. Still, of all the people in the world, there’s no one he’d rather be with than this loving, mischievous and hopelessly disorganized man.

Happily ever after, indeed.

He is happy, and Victor is correct; happiness has nothing to do with perfection. It has everything to do with accepting that no person and no situation is ever perfect, and learning to value what you've got. Waking up next to Victor each morning, he appreciates this concept more and more, and the understanding has made him less inconsiderate and more sensitive to the needs of people other than himself.

He's been trying his best to be more patient and accommodating of Victor's attention deficit issues, doing what he can to help rather than just getting annoyed when Victor struggles to follow directions, loses things, or forgets what he's meant to be doing. He's learned that if he stays calm, Victor is calmer as well. On the whole, this has made their life together far more harmonious over the past several weeks.

Yuri thinks about Taka and Fox, and wonders if the difference between happiness and perfection is something they'll need to learn. Taka is so warm and accepting that he likely gets it already, but maybe Fox is more like Yuri. Perhaps he'll have to learn it the hard way. Or maybe not. If they become friends, Yuri might be able to help him and offer some advice.

This thought almost makes him laugh. People hardly ever come to him for advice about anything. Then again, he concludes this might be because he's never had anything worthwhile to contribute before, and even if he did, he would've lacked the confidence to share it. But, things are changing. He is changing. Now, he's ready and willing to give more than he takes, and he hopes he's able to offer something meaningful.

He gives himself the mental equivalent of a head shake when it occurs to him that he's doing the exact thing that he'd just told Victor not to do. Some part of his brain has settled on the assumption that Taka and Fox will certainly end up together for the long term, and he's already coming up with scenarios in which his own experience might prove useful to them.

So much for not speculating.

But, he can't deny that he wants all his friends to have their own happily-ever-after, particularly Takahiro, who seems to suffer the most from loneliness. The thing Yuri wishes for Taka is that he'll find the same sense of comfort and safety that Yuri has found with Victor, the same security in being with someone who'll love him so completely that he'll forget the sadness and fear of being alone.

[maibi]

All You Really Needed

Gojo Satoru x reader

Warnings: contains a spoiler of one of the first few episodes.. the summary also contains that spoiler so be wary!!

Summary: after the death of Itadori Yuuji, Gojo finally let’s go of his strong posture and breaks down in front of you. (I suck at descriptions I know T_T)

A/N: I apologise for any mistakes,, this was not proofread plus I am sleep deprived 99% of the time so I have no clue what im writing lmao. Anyways ENJOY!

——————————————————————————

Gojo wasn’t one that opened up about his feelings or emotions, whereas you were the complete opposite of that. your days together were mostly filled with you rambling about your days teaching the first years at Kyoto Jujutsu High. You loved your students, but it was a tiring job to train them constantly. 

Gojo never seemed to complain about his work or students and he didn’t really seem to take his job seriously, yet he always pulled it off. He talked about his so called dream to change the jujutsu world when in reality that wouldn’t be as simple as he thought it was. Even for the strongest shaman, this is a job that was almost impossible to accomplish alone. But as much as Gojo had confidence in himself, you believed he’d get far. Because whatever he wants always comes his way. 

For example: you.

You and Gojo were actually classmates throughout high school, but nothing really happened between you back then. Being in a class of 4 didn’t really help with getting you two closer. It would be you and your friend and he with his. It wasn't rivalry or hatred, but rather a situation of seeing each other but ignoring each other’s presence. Your personalities just didn't match, or at least that’s what the both of you had convinced yourself to believe. 

It wasn't until both of you actually became teachers that you grew closer to each other and that’s also when you realized he wasn’t as bad as you thought he was. Yes he was quite the clown, but in reality he was a very caring person. 

The first years of your teaching career had been a constant loop of Gojo trying his best to get closer to you. His personality hadn’t changed much, but in whole  honesty there wasn’t much different in yours either. The only difference was, that the both of you had finally become adults.

You liked Gojo, but telling him that back then would be like giving in on his constant confessions that you rejected as if it was a daily routine. Sooner or later you gave in, not being able to resist him. He knew you would fall for him, because he always gets his way.

You had been together for a long while now and even though you didn’t actually live together it was as good as if he lived with you. Both of you had an own place to stay at, but given the circumstances you always were together. With the whole Yuuji situation the teachers and higher ups didn’t really have a choice but to be together constantly. Stuff had to be talked about and for Gojo his students’ safety was his number one priority. Even though yuuji had brought this all on himself, Gojo had no intentions of letting him die any time soon. If they let him, he wouldn’t even let him die. 

He always looked as if he was having the time of his life, but you knew him longer than today and sometimes his masked slipped. He didn’t deepen the conversation when you pointed it out, but he was already happy to have you by his side. He didn’t need words to comfort him, but even if he didn’t it felt as if you didn’t do much for him. You wanted to show him that you cared for him and that you would listen to him if he needed to vent.

He didn’t show, but the whole Yuuji situation messed with his head. The higher up scheming Yuuji’s death and Gojo constantly running behind his back to make sure Yuuji is safe. It tired him. He always said he was okey and gave you kiss on top of your head. It was a constant routine, but you noticed. You noticed how he’d fall asleep the second he arrived home and how he let his weight fall on you when you hugged him. You didn’t say anything because you didn’t want him to feel pressured. But you desperately hoped he would talk to you because the both of you knew that would be a big relief for him. 

You went home earlier than usual. The students had begged you for a day off, but just randomly giving them a break was not the best option in these hectic days. They had to train, they had to get stronger. So you made a deal. If they caught you, you’d give them free the rest of the day. Of course they failed, but you saw great accomplishments so you agreed on giving them free for the rest of the day. They were also tired, you could tell. But you didn’t want them to get hurt because you weren’t able to teach them properly. 

You sighed as you dropped your weight on the couch. You let your head fall back and looked at the ceiling. Your eyes darted to the clock on the wall. About an hour from now Gojo should be home. You could already tell how he’d be when he got home. His sleep deprived posture walking inside as he slumped on the bed. You felt bad to see him like that.

You were surprised to hear the door open and when you turned your head you say Gojo walking inside with his blindfolds in his hand. His hair was wet and he was supporting himself against the wall. You noticed this wasn't like normal, but before you could even walk up to him he had left to the bedroom and slammed the door shut. You knew it wasn’t directed you so you immediately knew something was wrong. 

You raised from the couch and made your way to the bedroom. You knocked once and walked inside. “Hey, Satoru”, you said silently. 

He was laying on his back on the bed, his feet touching the ground. You walked up to him and sat down next to him. You brushed your hand in his hair and felt water droplets collect on your hand, but you didn’t really care. He was breathing heavily and his heart was beating rapidly in his chest. 

You didn’t was a word and kept your touch on his hair. He slowly rose from his laying position and rested his arms on his legs. His head was bent downwards and naturally your touch left his. You placed a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. “Are you alright-”

And suddenly he dropped his head on your legs. You noticed that he was refusing to look at you. He was rejecting any kind of eye contact, just so you wouldn’t have to see his worn out face. He mumbled something, but you didn’t hear him. But before you could ask him to repeat himself, he spoke up again.

“Yuuji is-”, he said with a crack in his voice. “Yuuji is dead.”

You were shocked. Your heart dropped and you couldn’t even imagine how torn he must be feeling. He stood up and showed you his face. His eyes were red, he had been crying. 

You placed your hands on his face and a tear rolled down his cheek. You wiped it away, caressing the spot a few times. “He did his best, so much. He wanted to become stronger, but I failed him.”

“No you didn't and I'm sure he thinks the same. You were so good to him and you thought him many amazing things. I bet he was so proud to say that he had you as his mentor. He was a great kid”, you said in a whisper to calm him down. 

This was the first time he had shown any sign of vulnerability. You didn’t want to let him down and you wanted to show him that you cared. You wanted to show him that you were there for him, that you were willing to do anything in your power and beyond to help him.

“They killed him. They planned this, they schemed it so that he would die. They’ve been wanting him dead from the beginning and I swear I'm not gonna let them have this. I will destroy every single on of them and I will show them exactly how much of a mistake they made”, he said in a small voice.

“Hey, you did the best you could. And I have trust in you. I know you’re gonna make it and you’re gonna show them exactly how powerful you are. This won’t go unnoticed and we will make sure of that. Yuuji’s death will not be in vain”, you said.

You embraced him and pulled him flush against you. You pressed your lips together and closed your eyes as you squeezed him, as if he was about to fall from your grip and were to never return.

“We will get revenge”, you whispered as you felt his breath against your neck and felt the wetness of his tears create a damp spot on your shirt. “For Yuuji.”

You stayed like that for a while and you were almost convinced he was asleep. You slowly tried to wriggle the both of you in a laying position because you didn't want to wake him up, but his arm squeezing around your waist told you that he didn’t want to move just yet. 

He moved away from your grip but placed his hands on your cheeks. “Thank you for being here for me and thank you for always knowing how to deal with me.”

You gave him a small smile of reassurance. You placed your hand on his cheek once again and pulled him in for a kiss, a small brush on the lips. “I will do everything in my power to help you get through this. And I will use up every bit of energy to carry on Yuuji’s will. We will protect the students together and we will take revenge for the teenager’s death. And we’ll do it together.”

No other word were spoken that night. No words were needed that night. The both of you had understood and the both of you had agreed. It was the first time Gojo had openly showed his feelings and you were more than happy to receive those emotions with open arms. To show him just how much you cared for him. But in reality he already knew and he didn’t need you to comfort him alone to understand that. He was a person that looked out for the smallest details and you just being there next to him, was really all he needed. And him being there, next to you was all you really needed.