Tumgik
#today was just really weird. a lot of ups and downs
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deep breath in, deep breath out.
your eyelashes flutter, your eyes move around under your eyelids.
your chest expands, then drops again.
and repeat.
tomura wonders when the last time he’s been this close to somehow before was.
he also wonders how long you’ll let him do this.
tomura shigaraki has, what you call, the nasty habit of being a night owl. it usually wouldn’t be that much of an issue if all he did wasn’t just playing some pc game until ungodly hours of the morning. tomura was awake when you went to sleep and was awake when you woke up too.
he’s unfortunately so very stubborn, so he always insists that he’s not tired at all and that he could at the very least just get a nap in later.
but he was also very picky and sensitive, he didn’t like napping on the couch because he couldn’t find the right way to position his neck, or the light of the outside world would prevent sleep from consuming him, and he moves around a lot so he can never get comfortable and then he gets moody and bitchy and annoying and everyone is just trying to piss him off today. you’ve seen him almost lose his mind because on one of those days he’d gotten his shirt stuck on the door handle. and you don’t want to see that again.
the reason he’d be up so late was because of his insane competitiveness, it only took one nasty comment picked up through his headphones to send him spiraling, just having to prove to the world and the people behind his computer screen he was better than them.
you’d been able to find a sort of compromise lately. because sometimes he woke you up raging and you did not want the both of you to end up moody and bitchy in the morning. so you somehow convinced him to get into less violent games, sandboxes and such. right now it seemed he was really into puzzle games.
and it started working out well for you. it was a good plan, tomura could give you that. the soundtracks in the games he played usually managed to calm him some, and actually start to make his eyes droop and the urge to sleep started to seep in.
but sleep never came.
he managed to finish some games at an okay-ish hour. some he’d just leave for tomorrow if he got bored, and he go try to lay down with you and close his eyes. but he just couldn’t sleep.
thought it shouldn’t be all that surprising, now that he thinks back on it. he’d probably completely fucked up what was even remotely left of a sleep schedule. completely fucked it over in the ass and chucked it off a cliff.
now he’s irritated, tired and so bored.
until he realized something.
you drool in your sleep.
it’s something he wouldn’t have realized if he were at his pc, nor if he’d fallen asleep earlier. he thinks about that for a minute, then focuses back on you. he reaches forward and wipes at the small trail with a single finger, careful not to wake you.
you’d probably call him gross for it, but he doesn’t care. you should thank him for saving you the embarrassment of waking up with a pool of drool on your pillow.
and so, tomura developed another nasty little habit.
whenever he was unable to sleep, which was 98% of the time, he’d just watch you do it. as cheesy as it sounded he always gets this weird feeling whenever he does, like he’d slept too. it felt like he was sleeping with you in a weird, weird way.
and he could admit you were interesting to watch. you weren’t doing anything interesting , but he thinks a sick, twisted part of him enjoyed seeing you so vulnerable, so unaware of the eyes on you, so clueless once you wake up and you have no idea that you make noises and chew while you sleep.
another part of him wonders what is is you dream about. it watches and analyze how your breaths pick up and relax again, how you shuffle or snuggle more into your blanket and pillows.
it wonders if you ever dream about him, but that he’ll never admit, because that was pathetic.
another part of him thinks you just look cute while you sleep. the way he can catch your eyebrow twitch occasionally if he pays extra close attention, and one time he even heard what sounded like a mumble of his name on your lips. and it felt rewarding. would you do it again if he kept doing this ?
he wonders what you’ll do if you woke up to see him doing this. would you be scared ? embarrassed ? angry ? disgusted ? would you hate him ? you’d have to see how much of a creep he was then, wouldn’t you ?
or maybe you’d laugh, maybe you’d jokingly call him a freak for watching you sleep, maybe you’d somehow make him feel embarrassed about it in that weird way you do.
he likes not to think about that much though. not because it was completely unrealistic, but because it wasn’t completely off the table either, and that just made him feel sick. guilty.
for now, he’ll just keep watching you. if you complain about him being moody then you’ll just have to deal with this. you’ll snuggle into him when you find him in bed with you, conveniently already awake because he was such an early riser. you’d kiss his cheek first thing in the morning and smile lazily at him “how’d you sleep ?” you’ll ask.
“good.” he’ll reply.
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forest-hashira · 3 days
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Wrapped With a Bow
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HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS LEIGH!!! i hope today treats you well, and that you enjoy this fic! there's not a lot to say otherwise lol, this is the closest i could manage to get to complete pwp, it's just meant to be some smutty fun!
read on ao3 | wc: ~2.8k | cw: tengen x gender neutral afab reader (no pronouns but afab anatomy terms used, reader wears a bra), technically modern au, it's reader's bday, established relationship, the wives are not mentioned, oral sex + fingering (reader receiving) unprotected piv sex, hot missionary agenda, creampie, light/implied breeding kink, i think that's it!
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Your boyfriend had been acting off all evening. He was abnormally fidgety, shifting in his seat at least two dozen times – yes, you’d counted – while the two of you were at dinner. When you asked if he was okay, though, he assured you everything was fine, nothing to worry about. So you’d let it slide, doing your best to enjoy the meal and the dessert the wait staff had brought you. “On the house,” they’d assured you with a smile, “since it’s your birthday.”
“Tengen,” you asked, looking over at him as he once again squirmed in his seat as he drove both of you home, “Are you sure you’re okay?” Your boyfriend had never been what you would call a still or subdued person, talking with his hands and being completely unabashed in the way he laughed and flirted with you at every given opportunity, but seeing how antsy he was had you starting to worry. 
“It’s fine, sweetheart,” he promised, shooting you a grin.
You weren’t entirely convinced. “You’ve been acting… weird, tonight. Something’s up.”
He let out a sigh, taking one hand off the steering wheel to give your knee a gentle squeeze. “You really don’t need to worry about me,” he said, voice a bit gentler than before. “But I can’t tell you what’s going on yet. It’ll spoil the surprise.”
“Surprise?”
Tengen glanced at you for a moment, flashing a smirk at you. “Your gift, obviously. I’m not spoiling that surprise, so you’ll just have to wait until we get home.”
Intrigued, you arched a brow at him, but he said nothing else, and you knew you wouldn’t be able to drag anything else from him. You let out a soft huff, but placed your hand over his on your knee for the rest of the ride home. 
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When you arrived back home, Tengen was quick to unlock the door and usher you inside.
“Go get comfortable on the bed,” he encouraged, leaning in and kissing your cheek. “I need to check on something real quick, then I’ll be in there to give you your gift.” Before you gave him any sort of response, he was hurrying off to the bathroom.
Does he really need to pee? Is that why he’s been so weird? you wondered to yourself, shaking your head slightly at his antics. As per your boyfriend’s suggestion, you changed out of the outfit you’d worn to dinner – flattering to your figure and very nice, but not exactly comfortable for lounging around it – and into one of his t-shirts, though it was several sizes too big and practically swallowed you. Once you were comfortable, you climbed onto your bed, settling with your back against the pillows. Just as you were about to grab your phone to entertain yourself while you waited for your partner’s return, he stepped into the room.
You were a bit surprised to see him wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. He clearly hadn’t just showered, though – you’d never heard the water running, and besides that, his hair was still dry and his elegant mahogany eyeliner was still in place. You blinked dumbly for a moment as you looked at him, but before you could inquire about his appearance, he spoke.
“Ready for your gift?” he asked, eyes flashing when he realized you were wearing his clothes.
All you did was nod, unsure what to expect from him right then, but your eyes widened when he dropped the towel. Immediately, your eyes were drawn down to his groin, and your shock quickly melted into laughter. 
Between his legs sat your present: his half hard cock with a magenta ribbon the same shade as his eyes tied in a bow around the base.
“Happy birthday!” he exclaimed, a beaming grin on his face as he placed his hands on his hips. “As your gift, I am at your complete disposal for the rest of the night.”
“Is that so?” you asked curiously, looking him up and down as you tried to decide what to ask for first. “Even if I tell you to get dressed again and clean the house?”
His expression fell a bit, but he nodded. “It’s whatever you want, sweetheart. It’s your birthday.”
You couldn’t help but laugh again at his reaction. “I’m just kidding, my love,” you assured him, smiling when he instantly perked up. “What I really want is for you to take that bow off, and to fuck me raw.”
Tengen’s cock visibly hardened at your words, and you smirked to yourself, knowing you had the power to turn him on like that. He was quick to comply with your command, untying the bow and letting the ribbon drop to the floor with the towel he’d been wearing. Almost before he reached the foot of the bed, he reached forward, grabbing your ankles and using them to pull you a bit closer to him. “How do you want me, baby?”
Somehow managing not to squeak at how easily he pulled you around – his strength always blew you away, no matter how long you’d been together – you smirked up at him again. “Like this,” you said simply. “Wanna be under you and looking at you while you fuck me.”
He swore under his breath, tipping his head back for a moment. “Yeah, okay. I can do that.” Looking back down at you, he leaned in, pressing a heated kiss to lips as he climbed over you, only pulling away to give you both a chance to breathe. When he turned his attention to the pillows, grabbing one to place beneath your hips before you got any further, you shot an exaggerated pout at him.
“You’re gonna make me take my own clothes off?”
Magenta eyes instantly jumped back to yours, and he shook his head. “Of course not, my love. Just tryin’ to get everything else in place before we get carried away.” He winked at you, setting the pillow down beside you, then slid his hands up your legs beneath his shirt. A look of surprise came over his features when he didn’t encounter any underwear, instead pushing up the shirt to reveal your lower half was completely bare. “Were you not wearing underwear at dinner?” he asked, eyes wide.
You shook your head. “No, I was not,” you confirmed. “You would’ve been able to see the outline through my clothes, so I thought the outfit looked better without anything underneath.”
“You’re gonna be the death of me,” he groaned, before shifting down to kiss your skin as more of it was revealed to him from beneath the shirt you wore. He stopped when he reached your chest, fully pulling the shirt over your head and tossing it aside before reaching beneath you and unclipping your bra in less than a second, without damaging it at all. Once the bra was tossed aside and you laid completely bare beneath him, it was his turn to smirk. “Your tits look great from this angle, y’know.”
You rolled your eyes at his words. “You think my tits look great at any angle.”
“And that means I can’t compliment them?” he asked, feigning offense.
“Nope,” you agreed with a grin. “There are better things you can use your mouth for.”
“There sure are,” he agreed, then trailed kisses down your torso until he was between your legs, settling down as if he were about to eat his favorite dessert in the world. Which, if you were to ask him, he would probably say it was his favorite “dessert.” He was a little insufferable like that.
You watched as his gaze dropped to your pussy, his eyes dilating noticeably at the sight. You didn’t protest as he parted your thighs to give himself a bit more space, though when he set your knees on his shoulders and buried his face between your legs, taking a deep breath of your scent, you couldn’t help but laugh a bit. 
Before you could tease him for being so eager, his tongue was running up through your folds, gathering the arousal that had begun to drip from your hole. He let out a moan at the taste of you, pressing in closer, eager to have more of you. Wrapping his arms around your thighs, he let himself really get carried away, working his tongue into you with practiced ease, his nose bumping your clit with every small movement of his head. 
It wasn’t long before you were a moaning mess, fingers tangled in his hair and tugging at the platinum strands. “Tengen,” you whimpered, struggling to keep your head up enough to look at him. 
His eyes fluttered open at the sound of his name, and though his movements slowed a bit, he didn’t stop entirely. He looked up at you through his lashes, waiting patiently for whatever it was you needed to say to him.
“Need more,” you managed, rocking your hips up into his face. “Please?”
Never one to deny you anything, Tengen complied, releasing one of your thighs from his hold. He pulled his mouth away from you for a moment, albeit hesitantly, before pressing one thick finger into you. 
A small breath escaped you at the feeling, almost relieved to have gotten what you asked for, but then your boyfriend wrapped his lips around your clit and sucked, and your head slammed back into the pillow. “Oh, fuck!” you cried out, squirming in his hold as he continued his actions. 
Soon enough, he was pressing a second finger in alongside the first, scissoring them and pressing them into your sweet spot. He kept you pinned in place with the arm still wrapped around your thigh, and though you couldn’t see his face, you could feel his gaze burning into you. 
Tightening your grip on his hair, nails scratching at his scalp, you pulled him closer, rocking your hips to meet his movements. You could feel a familiar coil tightening in your gut, and you were eager to find the release you knew was coming. “I’m close,” you told him, lifting your head once again to meet his gaze. 
His eyes flashed at your words, and he redoubled his efforts, tracing patterns over your clit with his tongue at an almost frantic pace and adding a third finger to the mix, curling them expertly into the spot he knew would bring you to pure bliss.
The added stretch was enough to have your eyes rolling back in your head, but the delicious pressure to your sweet spot was what finally tipped you over the edge. Your back arched off the bed from the pleasure, and your thighs closed tight around his head as you came. A moan so loud you could barely believe it came from your body tore itself from your throat, and it was several long moments before you came back to yourself, panting heavily as you tried to catch your breath. “God,” you breathed, finally releasing your boyfriend from your vice-like grip. “That was amazing.”
“Tengen is fine,” the man teased, grinning at you as he crawled over your body once again. “And I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, but we’re not done yet.”
His joke had you rolling your eyes, and you swatted his shoulder as you huffed out a laugh. “I’m never complimenting you again, it all goes straight to your head.”
He laughed at your words, leaning down and capturing your lips in a kiss before giving any sort of response. “I bet you’ll rethink that ‘no compliments’ decision here in a minute.”
Arching a brow, you retorted, “Yeah? Then you better get to work making me regret it.”
“Gladly.”
He rocked his hips against you for a moment, teasing you a bit longer before he adjusted and finally gave you what you wanted. The air was punched from your lungs as he pressed into you, and even though he’d prepped you there was still a little bit of a stretch. You watched as his eyes fluttered shut at the feeling of you around him, and when he finally bottomed out, he moaned with relief.
There was a pause as he gave you both a moment to adjust to the feeling, and just before you could squirm or otherwise urge him to keep going, Tengen opened his eyes again, his gaze full of desire, and started to move his hips. His pace was slow for a moment, but it wasn’t long before he found his rhythm.
You couldn’t help the little gasps and whimpers you let out with practically every thrust, arching into him as much as you could, one hand coming up to grip his bicep, the other tugging at the sheets. Apparently needing more contact as badly as you did, he lowered himself further onto you, supporting his weight on his elbows rather than his hands. Though nothing about the angle of his thrusts really changed, having more of his skin touching yours sent sparks of pleasure throughout your whole body, and you were quick to steal another kiss from him. 
Tengen eagerly reciprocated, and wasted no time invading your mouth with his tongue, desperate to consume as much of you as he could. When he finally had to pull away to breathe, you whined, despite the fact that you were also in need of oxygen. He didn’t go far though, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses across your jaw, pausing long enough to graze his teeth on a sensitive spot behind your ear, before continuing his path down your throat; the only thing that stopped him from going further down your body again was the fact that he would’ve had to stop fucking you. Instead he satisfied himself with leaving marks along your collarbone and teasing your nipple with his right hand.
The touch drew a loud moan from you, and if you hadn’t been so consumed with pleasure you would’ve been annoyed by the smug smirk you could feel him pressing into your skin. You wrapped your legs around his waist, holding him as close to you as you could. It limited his range of motion a bit, but he switched from heavy thrusts to impassioned rolls of his hips without much change to his rhythm.
The slight change in angle had the head of his cock pressing into your sweet spot almost relentlessly, and now there was the added stimulation of his pubic bone grinding into your clit with every roll of his hips. You attempted to kiss him again, but you just wound up moaning and panting against each other’s mouths, pleasure washing over you in waves. Releasing his bicep from your grip, you once again tangled your fingers in his hair, the silvery strands growing damp with sweat. Your other hand relented its death grip on the sheets, instead resting on his back and pressing him even closer. You made an attempt to tell him how good you felt, how you were close to the edge again, but it just sounded like a jumbled, moaning mess in your own ears. 
He seemed to understand well enough, because he pressed his forehead to yours as he spoke. “‘M close too,” he panted, his movements becoming a bit more frantic, nearly desperate to get you both to that peak again. He made no move to pull out, but you knew him well enough to know he was considering it, since he hadn’t worn a condom. 
You weren’t about to have that, though. Tightening your legs around him once again and tugging at his hair, you managed to demand, “Don’t you dare pull out.” 
He swore at your words, his hips stuttering for a moment before he picked up the pace again, his movements uncoordinated even as you rocked your hips up to meet him over and over again. With a particularly harsh tug at your nipple and a desperate moan of your name, he came. You tumbled over that peak right after him, the hot feeling of his cum filling you pulling a silent scream from your lips as you clawed at his back. 
With the way you were still wrapped around him, it was impossible for him not to collapse on top of you, but you didn’t mind; having his weight pressing you into the bed was kind of nice, actually. A few minutes passed without either of you speaking, both of you working to catch your breath, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence by any means. As you laid there, you allowed your eyes to flutter shut, a faint smile on your lips, and you slowly relaxed your hold on your partner. You lightly scratched his scalp with your fingernails, and you could’ve sworn you heard him start purring at the feeling.
“My love?” Tengen mumbled, bumping his nose lightly against yours.
Slowly, you opened your eyes again to look up at him. “Yes?”
“Happy birthday.”
You couldn’t help the laugh that tumbled from your lips, the attempted kiss made pointless from how much you were both smiling.
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once again, happy birthday friend! i love you and i am so so so glad that we've become so close over the last year i love you and i hope you have a great day today 💜
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@entirelysein-e @sugurei @whatthefucksatan @roselleviennesstuff @dr-runs-with-scissors
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dividers by adornedwithlight
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essjujutsu · 2 days
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CHAPTER Ⅲ: HOMEWORK ANSWERS?
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prev , next , masterlist
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sukuna has friends?
you thought as you walked towards yuji in the crowded high school parking lot, there were way to many kids who shouldnt be allowed to drive here—god damn.
your first day went pretty well, your teachers seemed nice enough and you even had a class with yuji and nobara! well, and megumi—but he didn't really say anything to you. and you thought you could be grumpy—this guy was like talking to a wall!
you were slightly nervous about going to his house the next day so you made a mental note to investigate yuji or nobara about him later.
"there you are! i just got off the phone with uraume—they'll be here in a couple minutes."
"wait, so who's uraume? i had no idea sukuna had friends...weird."
you reply, putting your hands in your pant pockets to warm yourself up from the crisp fall breeze.
"i know right, that's totally what i thought at first too! but they work together—at that old convenience store down the road. uraume's his boss im pretty sure. but their actually super nice, and they drive me home sometimes!"
you nod in response, opening your mouth to say something else—but then a silver car pulls up in front of the two of you. yuji starts walking to it, beckoning you to follow.
yuji opens the passenger seat door, so you walk to the backseat, opening the door and hopping in.
"hello yuji. this must be yn, correct?"
"uhm, yeah—that's me, nice to meet you."
they nod to your reply as you hop into the tidy backseat of the car. you place your backpack down and put in your headphones to tune out yuji talking in the front seat. you open your phone to see you have a couple new messeges—a new groupchat? huh?
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you let out a small laugh from nobara's texting as the car slows down in front of your house. you put your phone away in your pocket and say a quick thank you and goodbye to uraume as you and yuji climb out of the car doors and onto the sidewalk.
"man, im starving!"
yuji says, putting his hands behind his head as the two of you approach the front door. you knock twice—before realizing sukuna must not be home yet.
"i got this!"
yuji says enthusiastically, pulling what seemed to be a necklace out from under his shirt. he dangled it in front of you for a moment so you could see what it was.
oh, the key was on his necklace!
he unlocked the front door—you following behind him into the house.
the two of you decide to start dinner, well yuji decided to start dinner. you sat at the kitchen island as he cooked pasta on the stove.
around an hour later, you heard the door open up—you can't miss the loud creak from the old door.
"yo, sukuna! made dinner—pasta!"
yuji, finishes dishing the spagetti into three bowls, setting them down on the countertop to turn around to greet his uncle. you do the same, spinning around in your chair.
"tch, this better be good. had way to many annyoing 'fuckin costumers today.."
"so, how was your first day kid?"
sukuna asks you, he turns to face you—raising any eyebrow and crossing his arms.
"it was...good."
you reply truthfully, it was pretty decent—and you already made a few friends somehow, even if they're yuji's friends.
you grab the bowl and start eating the pasta, one thing was for sure—your brother could definitely cook.
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A/N: this took forver to write omfg 😭 i promise there will actaully be romance soon! i just rlly wanna add lots of family/friend dynamics aswell
TAGLIST: ( ask 2 be added ) @1ndee @4ngelfries @jammofsammichflip @notveevee @qtnfer @love-me-satoru @satoryaa @loriisheart @starrnai @madison777x @madison777x @mdmraz @saltypuffin1040 @ichorstainedskin @1l-ynn if it doesn't work, fix ur settings pls!
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sufferu · 2 days
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Honestly the reaction ficlets are more of a setup for. Something else.
Reaction Fic Aftermath: The Inn
“Subaru, maybe this isn’t—”
“—and we have arrived!” Subaru enthusiastically slammed the door open. “Bonjour! Hello! The Emilia Camp is here, so let the meeting commence!”
“S-Subaru?!” Ferris shrieked, his eyes widening. He was sitting in one of the chairs holding a cup of tea, which had now spilled down his front. He didn’t seem to care. “Subaru, what— WHY ARE YOU HERE?!”
“What are you doing here?” Crusch demanded, quickly standing up. She turned to face Emilia. “What is he doing here?” she snapped. “Why did you let him come here in this state?”
“I—” Emilia stammered.
“We’re here because of Anastasia’s great deal, of course!” The merchant in question was sitting right across from the healer and his Lady, all three of whom had startled violently at his introduction — as had Wilhelm, Ricardo, and the Pearlbaton triplets, all of whom had been standing over their shoulders. Wilhelm was staring at him with a horrible look on his face. Subaru grinned at him, and felt his stomach tie itself into a knot when that look only deepened in response. “I know we got sidetracked with — uh — but you didn’t forget the whole purpose of this meeting, right? Emilia-tan needs her father figure back after all, and you said you could hook us up with a lead on a good crystal he could snuggle himself back to sleep in! We’re a little later than planned but now that we’re here, why don’t we get right—”
“You shouldn’t be here,” Ricardo interrupted, voice harsh in a way that Subaru realized he had never heard from him before. A hand clasped around his arm, gently but firmly. “We need to talk about what just happened, and you absolutely should not be here for that. Now come on, we’ve got some spare bedrooms where ya can lie down —”
“I don’t need rest!” Subaru objected loudly, shaking him off. “And we don’t need to talk about it. I can sum up the major talking points right now! It was a really weird experience, I— I’m a lot less useful than everyone thought, and let’s all hope it doesn’t happen again! There, done!”
“That is not—!”
“Why is Subaru even here?” Wilhelm demanded. Subaru flinched at the pointed lack of a ‘-dono’ suffix. It made sense that the Sword Demon had retired the nickname after the events of — of — but it still stung, much more harshly than Subaru would have anticipated. It made him want to cry. “Lady Emilia, you must have known that we would need to talk about — why did you bring him here for that?”
“I— I thought that leaving him out of it would be mean!” Emilia stammered. “Nobody likes being talked about behind their back, right?“
“He is clearly in no state to participate in any discussion right now, and especially not about this!” Crusch retorted. “Allowing him to come to this meeting was cruel, and I must insist—”
“Hey, that’s pretty rude!” Subaru broke in, voice high-pitched in an attempt to sound as cheerful as possible. “I’m right here, aren’t I? And I can make my own decisions, you know: picked out my own outfit this morning and everything—”
“Subaru, stop talking,” Ferris snapped, visibly frazzled. “This isn’t the time for jokes, just—”
“Who said I was joking? My style might not be the same as yours, but I think I’m very fashionable, thank you very—”
“Subaru?!” a new voice shrieked. Subaru spun around to see Felt in the doorway, accompanied by an equally-horrified Reinhard. Behind them, Rachins had already started to back away. “What are you— you shouldn’t be here! Isn’t that common sense?!”
Subaru flinched, but tried to play off the growing hurt. “You wound me!” he crowed, hand to chest in a theatrical pose. “But I forgive you, because clearly you are confused from the long journey and still a little jetlagged—”
“What is— Subaru, don’t sidestep this! Get out!”
“There’s really no need for— I can behave myself just fine! I know I was horrible last year but I’ll definitely do my best today, so it’ll be—”
“That’s not what I—!”
“Lady Felt is right, Subaru,” Reinhard insisted, stepping forward. “Why don’t we just—”
“I don’t need to ‘just’ anything! Why would you half-ass your work when you can give it your best—”
“Natsuki-kun.”
“—And yes, that is I! Natsuki Subaru!” Subaru spun to face the speaker, finger guns at the ready. “How can I help you, Lady Anastasia? You need some sewing advice, or — well there’s not much I can do, but I promise to try my—”
“Natsuki-kun.” Anastasia’s voice was gentle, amidst all the shouting. “Ya don’t need to do this.”
Somehow it was that gentle tone that came the closest to making Subaru burst into tears on the spot. He could feel himself starting to shake, and took a step back. “I…” He desperately fought back his tears: he couldn’t cry! Not here, not now— not after THAT, when they already thought so lowly of him— and had every reason to think— “I-I…”
“…and we could probably stand to— you’re HERE?!”
Subaru relaxed very slightly at the sight of the grape-haired asshole, who had only just walked in alongside his — his little brother, right, the one who had come to deliver the initial invitation. There, this could work. He’d just provoke him like he always does and then things would go back to normal.
“Hey, asshat, how’s the past year been?” he tossed out immediately. “Met your little brother the other day, I think I like him more than you actually—”
“Subaru, stop that,” Ricardo said immediately. “This isn’t the time, just—”
“You beat up any more peasants while I was gone? Hope you didn’t, that’s not a great look you know—”
“Will ya please just calm down a second here—!”
“I mean what— what would your pa— your parents think of you for doing something like—”
“No!” Ricardo snapped. Subaru flinched away from him violently. “Do not finish that sentence! Yer behaving very badly right now, kid— you need to leave before you say something you won’t be able to take back—!”
“Captain, that’s too harsh!”
“Yer gonna freak him out even—”
“What are you talking about?” Subaru tried to laugh off. He felt dizzy. “I’m not — it’s the rest of you who are— freaked out right now—”
“Will one of nya PLEASE take care of nyer knyight already?!” Ferris cried, turning to face the other members of the Emilia Camp, all various shades of lost and panicked. “If he won’t leave on his own, then—”
“On it— c’mon, Captain, let’s just—”
The hand on his bicep was gentle, but for a moment it felt like the world’s most dangerous vice grip had threatened to close around his arm. Subaru recoiled violently. “Don’t—!”
Garfiel flinched away, eyes wide with hurt. Subaru felt a stab of guilt and immediately tried to laugh it off. “Wait— Garf, you just startled me, that’s it! It’s not— It’s not like I thought —”
“Will one of nyew who DIDN’T try to kill him— Oh crap I think that’s pretty much all of nya isn’t it—”
“That’s half the people in this room Od damn it—”
“It’s not like it ever really— you weren’t even supposed to KNOW about this, so can’t we just—” Subaru wanted to cry. He really, really wanted to cry. “It wasn’t that big a deal and it never happened! So just drop it already so we can go back to—”
“Subaru that is a VILE suggestion—!”
“Why do any of you even care?!” Subaru didn’t even know what he was saying anymore. He was talking too fast. His blood was roaring in his ears. He was going to pass out. “You didn’t— didn’t care before, so why is it suddenly—” A flash of anger suddenly cleared his panicked mind, like a bolt of lightning through a stormcloud. “All of you are just faking this!”
Ferris stared at him, mouth agape. “WHAT?!”
“Yeah, okay, I get it! You don’t actually give a shit! This is a ploy to get us to— to step out of the election, or give up something important, or—”
“Subaru, sto—!” Emilia’s voice barely reached his ears.
“Well it’s not gonna work! I already know that sort of trick and I’m calling your bluff now, so you’ll just have to find a way to fight us fair and—”
“Natsuki Subaru, that is ENOUGH!”
Subaru squeaked, finally falling silent. The rest of the room fell quiet as well. Julius rarely got angry enough to raise his voice like that, but when he did, people listened.
A look of guilt briefly flashed through the man’s eyes before hardening into — something else. A large hand wrapped around his wrist and pulled, hard, with Subaru finding himself forced to stumble along as his senior knight pulled him further into the inn.
“I am removing my junior from this situation,” he told Anastasia, bowing briefly and slightly as he moved past her. “Please feel free to start without us.”
“Thank you, Julius,” Anastasia said. He saw Crusch mutter something to Ferris, who bowed wordlessly before starting after them, but Subaru was pulled out of the room entirely before the knight could catch up.
“Now,” he heard Anastasia say as they rounded the corner, out of sight. Her voice suddenly sounded much colder. “I think we need ta have a bit of a talk…”
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Touch <3
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Summary: James has always been touchy until oneday…he’s not
w/c: 1.3k
warnings: nothing much! Just fluff xx
(THIS IS NOT PROOF READ SO BEWARE)
a/n: this is my first story! It’s pretty shit and I wrote it while half asleep in a plane but oh well!
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James had always been touchy. Y/n was used to it, though when they first became friends in year one, it took her off guard. She wasn't accustomed to this type of physical affection. Her family weren't really huggers… they weren't really anything, to be honest.
James had always been touchy which is why on the first day of sixth year, y/n was utterly confused. They had met up at the platform as usual, but James made no move to hug her or even say hello.
what?
he looked at her for a second, there was something in his eyes, something that hadn’t been there before…it was almost like a silent plea for something…something y/n didn’t have.
“Hey Jamie…?” Y/n said akwardly, scratching her head not quite knowing what to do.
He was always the first one to say anything
He was always the first one who made the move
He was always the first one to do anything really.
“Hey” he murmured back making no effort to keep the conversation going. Anxiety bubbled in her chest as she tried to think what had possibly gone south between them. When fifth year ended everything was fine, but the more y/n thought about it the more she remembered the little things.
Like how he hadn’t invited her over to his house that summer like normal…or how when they said goodbye he had squeezed her a little less tighter than normal. Maybe she was just overthinking it, maybe everything was fine.
“You look different”
Finally
“Oh-I uh changed my hair”
It was true though she had gotten into a fight with her mother and decided the best act of revenge was bangs and washed out cherry red hair dye. 
“Cool…it suits you” something twitched at the corner of his mouth and he gave her a saddish sort of grin
He took a step close before stopping and sighing again
“Do you remember my thing for Lily-“ 
“Bloody hell mate we’re gonna miss the train” 
a loud voice broke through interrupting whatever he was trying to say as Sirius sauntered over to them with Remus close behind.
“What are you lot doing? I thought we told you to meet up on the train?” Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius’s badgering and stepped away from him.
“Well we’re all here now so let’s just get on” 
and with that they boarded the train and found their regular cabin.
Remus and Sirius sat together as always and James took his dedicated seat next to her. They sat together in silence and listened to Sirius have a one sided argument with Remus over ABBA and QUEEN.
“Hey…uh wanna talk?” James leaned in and whispered in her ear, his breath was hot, the feeling sent a shudder down her spine as she nodded. He gave her a small smile and left the room.
Remus looked at her with an eyebrow raised before turning to Sirius, a wordless conversation seemed to flow between them before Remus spoke up.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” He paused before going on.
“I don’t think you’ll like the conversation”
“Oh shut up moony she’ll be fine, just let her go” Sirius barked slapping Remus on the shoulder.
She furrowed her eyebrows confused, why was everyone being so cynical today?
“Huh? What do you mean…uh you know what never mind” she huffed and left to follow James.
“Hey love” he was leaning against one of the empty cabin doors in the quieter section of the train. Everything about him screamed aloof or non-chalant (BAKA) it was so un-James like.
“Your acting kinda weird is everything okay?”
y/n asked worriedly and mused with her hair
Maybe she was overthinking it, maybe everything fines and she’s just being silly
“Oh uh” he laughed awkwardly and re-adjusted himself so he stood upright in front of y/n shuffling his feet slightly.
“I-uh…you didn’t come to the manor this holidays”
She stiffened
“You didn’t invite me”
“…oh right-uh I didn’t think I needed…to”
His ran a finger through his dark curls and sighed
“This is hard-why is this so hard? I mean it was so easy with Lily” 
“What about lily? James whats actually going on?”
“God-I” he sighed and took a step closer to the girl semi-trapping her against the compartment door.
“Remember when I liked lily?” 
Y/n rolled her eyes who could forget? It was all day everyday, all he would ever do was talk and talk about her…she loved lily they were close friends but everytime he mentioned her she felt this silent ache in her chest. Y/n just assumed it was unease with the fact lily didn’t like him back, she was obviated just worried about James’s unrequited  feelings…probably. 
When she didn’t answer he went on.
“It was easier back then…I liked her a lot but it’s-it’s different now I guess, I mean my dramatic gestures never seemed to work and now…now I don’t know what to do”
So this was why he was acting weird? He was worried about Lily? God and here she thought it was about her.
“If your worried lily doesn’t like you why don’t you talk to Mary for advice? They share a bunk in our dorm” 
He paused his eyes softening, he reached up a hand and tucked a strand of loose hair behind y/n’s ear. 
“No-Lily and I…well im over her, I talked to her about it late last term and she-mentioned how my dramatic gestures and clingy-ness was off putting”
No it wasn’t,  it was cute . Y/n had always had a soft spot for stuff like that she never really understood why Lily didn’t like it.
“So who is it then? Who’s the lucky girl” he paused again, he cupped her face with his hands before quickly dropping them and taking a step back.
“Do you think I’m too clingy?” It was a genuine question, he was being serious. Why was he acting so strange?
“No-but everyone girls different, James you dodged the question, who?”
“James-“
“You-of course it’s you! I mean we’ve been friends for years so I never really saw you like that but then-god I don’t know something changed…and I” he stopped before looking down and taking a step back
“I talked to lily y’know-it was stupid but I wanted advice and she told me I was always to ‘expressive’ and blunt-I didn’t wanna mess it up with you…I don’t wanna ruin anything we could have, I didn’t want to be clingy-like normal I guess so-…” 
He trailed off and let out a defeated sounding breath.
“Sirius and Remus know…they think it’s a bad idea purely based on the fact that it could ruin our group”
Oh so that explains it
“I dont…think it’s that bad of an idea-maybe” y/n’s cheeks flushed and she all of a sudden felt very hot.
“And I don’t think I’ve ever really felt that your too…clingy”
God this was embarrassing 
“Oh-well now I look kinda stupid..don’t I” he smiled-a real one this time not a smirk or fake grin and let out a loud laugh.
“Maybe” she grinned and took a step towards him, his eyes twinkled as he slung an arm around her positively delighted.
“So-does that mean I can make embarrassing gestures of my love for the world to see?”
“Nope-“
“But I thought you liked my dramatic-ness!” He let out a mock cry and pouted.
 “No-I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned that” she giggled 
“Oh-Why must you wound me?”
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whowilllbringtherain · 23 hours
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LOVE IS OLD, LOVE IS NEW
One Shot ~ Daniel Wagner / Female Reader
AN: This is a comfort fic! Danny is not the cheater! This fic changed a lot from when I started writing it to when it ended, so I hope you enjoy wherever my mind went while I wrote this…
Word Count: + 10.6k
Content Warnings: Heartbreak, crying, cheating, insecurity, nudity, deprecating thoughts, intense sadness, self-isolation, boner, mentions of sexual situations, lots of skin touching including breasts (but in a non-sexual way), love confessions, mentions of sex, considerate Danny.
“You alright?” Danny asked, pausing the movement of his fingers and ripping his intense attention from the melodic chords he had been working on, letting his acoustic guitar falter in his hands.
You looked up from your phone, “What? Oh, yeah, fine.”
You weren’t really fine. It was your boyfriend, Otis’s birthday, and you hadn’t been able to get a hold of him all day. You swiped through your text chain, seeing that your message at 7am wishing him a happy birthday was followed by an embarrassing amount of messages almost once an hour asking what he was doing, how he was doing, and if he was okay.
You had grown unbelievably restless, your anxiety bordering between genuine concern for his well being, and fear that he was shutting you out for some reason.
Though, this wasn’t completely unusual for Otis. He had always been distant, emotionally elusive in a way that left you second guessing your every move. Sometimes, he would go an entire day without a word, shutting down for reasons you could never quite figure out. You attributed it to the way he must’ve been raised, but often, and without wanting, he would go into a mood. You had tried to understand, tried to make excuses for it. Maybe he just needed space. Maybe you were overreacting.
It was terribly confusing, but you’d grown used to it, trying your hardest to take note of anything that may be a consistent trigger in his moods.
Danny, who was by far your closest friend, did not approve of his behaviour at all. In fact, he didn’t approve of Otis full stop. You had grown up together, graduated together, and were now splitting the rent of some small, shitty apartment in Nashville together, and it was hard for you to conceal the faults in your relationship when Danny seemed to always be there.
“You sure? You’ve been staring at that phone all afternoon,” he argued pointedly.
You huffed and ran a hand down the side of your face, “It’s just Otis…it’s his birthday but he hasn’t texted me back all day.” You paused, and Danny set his guitar down, its neck leaning against the arm of the couch you were both seated on. “I’m getting kinda worried,” you added.
Danny’s jaw tightened at the mention of Otis, a familiar tension brewing in his stance. You knew what he thought of your boyfriend, he had never been shy about it. As your best friend since childhood, Danny had always been protective of you, and he couldn’t stand how Otis treated you. To Danny, Otis was an undeserving ghost, always there, but never really present.
But it wasn’t as if Otis treated you poorly. No, you wouldn’t be dating him if he was. He just was a bit flaky sometimes- physically and emotionally.
Danny’s brows furrowed, “That is weird. Maybe he’s just busy with friends or something?” he suggested.
You shook your head, “No, he told me he was celebrating with them on the weekend. Told me he would see me today too,” you said anxiously, biting at the corners of your nails.
“Stop that,” Danny warned, pulling your hands away from your mouth.
It was a habit you seemed to have only picked up only recently, and Danny was always quick to stop it as soon as he saw you begin to nibble at the uneven edges of the nail.
“You’re right, ‘s a bit worrying. I would be pretty worried as well. Did he go out last night?” Danny asked.
“No.” You were beginning to feel more and more nervous, anxiety flooding through your body as you wondered what was going on.
You suddenly stood, “I think I’m gonna go over to his place. Maybe he’s just been sleeping all day.”
Danny glanced at his watch and grimaced when he saw that it was 5pm. He refrained from telling you he highly doubted it, not wanting to worry you any further.
“Shit,” you cursed as you looked out the window and saw that it was absolutely pouring with rain. You hurried to your bedroom to find a raincoat.
“Let me drive you,” Danny suggested, his voice now coming from his own room as he grabbed himself a sweater. You both emerged from your rooms and met in the hallway, and before you could protest he added, “Please. I don’t feel good knowing you’re driving in this weather.”
You scoffed, “Underestimating my driving skills, Wagner?” You carried the gifts you had bought Otis, including the bouquet of flowers into the living room with you and placed them on the table next to your handbag.
“Maybe,” Danny teased and you rolled your eyes at him playfully.
It took less than five minutes to gather your things. The bouquet of flowers, a few small wrapped gifts, and your handbag. Once you had hastily gotten your things in order, Danny grabbed his car keys off the table and opened the front door for you.
“Need me to hold anything?” he asked, watching in amusement as you fumbled with the flowers, presents, your bag and your phone.
You laughed, “Yes please.”
He took the flowers and a few gifts from your arms and you both descended the long, winding stairs wordlessly until you were in the shared car park.
“I’m sure it’s all fine,” Danny assured he held the door open for you to get into the car.
“Yeah me too. Just really wanna see him, you know?” You immediately regretted saying it once the words left your mouth.
You usually tried to keep the Otis conversation minimal with Danny, knowing that he didn’t really like him. Danny hummed anyway, despite his disagreement, and started the car before reversing out of the garage. He handed you your favourite Beatles CD for you to put into the stereo while he drove, and you felt overwhelmingly appreciative of his attentiveness.
You wanted to believe that nothing was wrong, and that Otis just hadn't had a chance to look at his phone yet. But with each mile closer to Otis’s apartment, the pit in your stomach grew heavier, and the knot in your chest tighter. Every time you checked your phone, there was no new message. No missed calls. Nothing.
Throughout the drive, it was clear to you that Danny was trying his hardest to keep you from overthinking. You felt like he didn’t stop talking for the majority of the ride, telling you about the latest disagreement between Josh and Jake and how he, like usual, had to save the day with his mediation skills. He managed to make you laugh too, always knowing just what you needed when you weren’t feeling your absolute best.
You had to direct Danny the way there, which was quite difficult thanks to the bucketing rain that restricted visibility of anything twenty metres in front of you. 
Eventually you made it to his apartment, and Danny pulled over on the side of the road to drop you off, seeing as there was no carpark for him to stop in.
“Alright, be safe please. Text if you need anything,” Danny recited, the words he told you each time you parted. It had been that way since you could remember.
“I will! Thanks for the lift!”
Balancing your things in your arms, you quickly jumped out of the car to not hold up and more traffic.
Danny drove off when one of the impatient cars behind him gave him a beep for taking so long. You rushed up to Otis’s apartment building front door, bullets of rain almost soaking you completely as you covered the short distance.
Your shoes splashed heavily on the street which had become one big puddle. You sighed when you finally reached the building, protected from the rain by the large overhang that wrapped around the large building.
As you made your way into the apartment and climbed the levels to his, you glanced at your phone once more to check if he had messaged you, and frowned when there was nothing. A little puffed, you finally reached his unit. Before you knocked, you peeked a glance at the crack at the bottom of the door where a light was being through. So he was home.
You bit back a shiver as you raised your hand and pressed the doorbell. You always liked the tune Otis’s doorbell made. It was quite unconventional, not the normal tune they made and not a jarring ring either, but a nice melody all the same.
You hugged yourself tightly in the cold as you awaited a response, and when you didn’t get one, you rang the doorbell again. Finally, the front door swung open, and you were met with Otis, his slim figure on full display as only a pair of white and blue striped boxers hung low on his hips.
You smiled brightly, despite the fact that he had neglected speaking to you all day. “Happy birthday!” you exclaimed.
He shot you a quick, tight smile, before his face turned serious, eyes scanning the scene behind you. “Thank you Baby, but uh… what are you doing here?” he asked.
You faltered, “What do you mean?”
He looked at you as if you had done something ridiculous, “Well we didn’t plan anything. I hadn’t exactly said you could come over.”
You took a step back into the hallway, “I just thought that…”
You were mortified. But you were also incredibly upset. It was his birthday, but you had still felt some kind of obligation that he at least see you on the special day. He was your boyfriend after all.
“I got worried. You weren’t responding,” you explained, feeling a deep set frown fall to your face.
He ran a frustrated hand through his hair, and you suddenly became very aware of his positioning. He was standing in the doorway, hands on either side of the frame and letting the door hang almost closed behind him while he stepped marginally closer in each moment and effectively backed you further away from the entrance.
“Yeah well, I just got caught up in something.”
Just as you were about to ask what, a slender hand, adorning deep red acrylic nails raked across his bare abdomen.
“Baby, what’s taking you so long?” a sultry voice asked, and you could see longer dark hair peeking behind his body.
Unable to beleive your eyes, your mouth parted in silent shock, face dropping in realisation, and you peered over his shoulder to see the most beautiful woman you had ever seen, clad in only her underwear behind him.
Blinking, you watched as his face morphed into course red embarrassment, and his eyes widened in fear.
“Oh,” you stated.
“No Baby, it’s not what it-” he started, moving towards you to take your arm.
“Stop it. Don’t,” you shook his hands off you, “Don’t touch me.”
Tears instantly welled in your eyes and the lump in your throat felt like it was going to choke you.
“Wha- why?” you managed to choke out. He looked at you sympathetically, but before he could open his mouth, the woman behind him appeared at his side.
If you thought her face was gorgeous, her body was bound to make you pass out. Her breasts were full and round, and her slim, toned waist was a beautiful compliment. Her hips widened at just the right spot, and were void of dips or stretch marks, and it suddenly became glaringly obvious to you where everything had gone wrong.
She gave you a harsh look up and down, assessing your clothing and you could only assume your body. Your arms crossed over your front in insecurity, now regretting the old coat, faded jeans and casual shoes you had thrown on in your state of worry and anticipation.
You hiccuped a sob back when she placed a hand on his chest and leaned up to whisper something in his ear. Otis, to his credit, looked wildly uncomfortable by her actions and tried to shrug her off, looking at you pleadingly.
You couldn’t see any more. You couldn’t stand there for another second longer or you were going to explode.
You wished you were more angry. You should have been furious, yelling at him and ripping your keys out to key his car. But instead, you felt a deep pit of sadness in your belly. The type of pit that drags everything down with it. The type of pit that consumes all it can from its host just to continue its relentless torment.
You needed to get the fuck out of there.
Breathing turned shakey, you turned and walked so quickly down the hallway that you thought you were going to pull a hamstring.
Otis called your name from behind you, and you thanked the Gods that he was too naked to follow you. You descended the stairs in a daze, hot tears running down your cheeks, but you were too focused on getting out that you knew you needed to hold them back.
Once you made it to the building's exit, you realised that you were still cradling the birthday presents you had bought him. In an act of anger, you stormed out of the complex and threw them in a heap onto the grass beside the door, letting all the money you had wasted on him get destroyed under the unforgiving downpour of rain.
Then you realised you were also in the rain. And you were getting soaked. You quickly pulled your phone out and pulled up Danny’s contact to call him.
Restricted sobs began to shake your body, and you were having an incredibly hard time maintaining your composure, if you could even call it that anymore.
The phone only rang twice before Danny’s voice spoke through the speakers.
“Hey, what’s up,” he answered casually. You could hear his car keys hitting the little key bowl you had by the front door, indicating he had quite literally just gotten home, making you feel even worse about asking him to come and pick you up.
He called your name in question when you didn’t respond.
“Did you- did you just get home?” you asked, trying feebly to conceal the emotion in your voice, but the sobs and sharp inhales did close to nothing in helping.
“Fuck, are you okay? What’s happened? What’s wrong?” he asked frantically, and you could hear the keys jingle again, accompanied by the front door slamming shut.
“I’m,” you tried to say through broken sobs, “I’m okay. I just need- can you come and pick me up? Ple- please?”
“I’m already on my way.” True to his word, you could hear the engine vibrating in the background of the call. “Please tell me what happened. Are you safe?” he asked frantically.
You nodded, before realising that he couldn’t actually see you, “I’m- I’m okay. Just cold,” you began scanning the area, looking for a spot you could stand that was concealed from the rain.
There was no way you were going back inside the complex building, and you quickly realised that your best bet was a tree nearby. You hastily made your way over, sneakers getting ruined in the dirt, each step accompanied by a squelch. The rain wasn’t as relentless under the cover in the tree, but thick drops still fell and coated your skin, hair and clothes. You were shivering violently now, wondering why on earth you hadn’t brought an umbrella.
"Where are you?" Danny's voice was soft but laced with concern.
"Same place you dropped me off," you muttered, feeling the hot flush of embarrassment rise to your cheeks. It wasn't hard to guess that Danny probably knew something had gone wrong with Otis. But you could bet he'd never imagine the full extent of it.
There was a pause on the other end of the line, and you could sense Danny was biting his tongue, holding back from asking the questions swirling in his mind. He knew better than to press you when you were like this, though. Whatever had happened, it wasn't good. That much was obvious.
"Okay, honey, I’m nearly there. Can you try taking some deep breaths while you wait for me, please?" His voice was steady, trying to ground you through the phone. It was only then that you became aware of the sound of your own ragged, gasping sobs.
"Ye-yes... okay." You forced yourself to breathe deeply, letting the air fill your lungs, but each inhale felt heavy, the weight of your chest pressing down harder with every beat of your racing heart. You tried to follow Danny's request, but every time your pulse began to slow, your mind betrayed you. You couldn't stop the image from flashing in your head, those sharp red acrylic nails raking across his chest.
Your stomach churned, nausea rising as you cursed your vivid imagination. What would those hands look like wrapped around his neck, or worse, holding his hand? What would those nails look like tracing against his skin, trailing down his back in the heat of the moment as she whispered his name in his ear? The thought made your blood run cold, and tears welled up in your eyes once again.
You squeezed your eyes shut, willing the thoughts to vanish. But they clung to you, persistent and cruel, reminding you of everything you were afraid to face. It wasn’t just the physical imagery, either. It was the emotional betrayal of the way his eyes might soften when he looked at her, the way he might laugh at her jokes. She probably made him feel something you couldn’t. And he had probably been slipping away for quite some time.
A broken sob escaped your lips, and you clenched your fists at your sides, wishing you could stop thinking about it, wishing you could stop hurting. You knew Danny was close, but the minutes felt like hours. You hated how powerless you felt, sitting there, cold and waiting, suffocated by your own thoughts.
“It’s okay. Whatever it is it’s okay it’ll be okay. I’m nearly there, just hang on a little longer for me, okay?” Danny repeated, hearing your breathing pick up again.
You crouched on the dirt to hug some warmth into you, humming in response to his question. “Danny, can you- can you put the heat on in the car… please. I’m really cold,” you asked and you immediately heard him shuffle with the knobs on the dashboard.
“Are you- are you in the rain?” he asked with urgency.
“I was… I’m standing under a tree now.”
He sighed, “Okay I’m rounding the corner now, can you see me?” he asked and you looked up at the road. True to his word, you could see his black car nearing you as it sped down the road.
“Yes.” You got up and quickly walked to the edge of the street. The rain soaked you again, and you abandoned even attempting to cover your head from its assault.
He pulled up to you at record breaking speed, and breaked harshly beside you on the road. You swung the door open and practically fell into the passenger seat, being immediately engulfed by the warmth of the car.
You slammed the door shut, and muttered a small ‘sorry’ through your shudders as you did up your seat belt.
Being a busy street, Danny had to take off as soon as you were buckled up, and you looked down at the water dripping off your shoes into the car.
“Fuck, you’re soaked,” he commented, as you tried to take off your top jacket to avoid completely soaking his seats. 
“I’m sorry,” you apologised, trying to keep your back from the seat to not soak the interior of his car. He had already given you a lift to and from Otis’s house, and the least you could do was not ruin his car in the process. You were trying your hardest to withhold the sobs, but hot tears mixed with the wetness of your face as the lump in your throat began to burn.
“Honey…” Danny comforted when he saw your emotional state. He found the closest quiet street and pulled over on the side of the road. 
As soon as the handbrake was on and the car was in neutral, Danny turned to you, clipping off his seatbelt to reach you better. He reached to unclip your seatbelt too, and without hesitation, he pulled you into his arms. 
Though it had been steadily trickling since you left Otis’s house, the dam completely broke when you felt the familiar and comforting embrace of Danny. He rubbed soothing strokes up and down your soaked back with a soft flat palm, his hand shuddering against each shaky breath you took. 
“Are you hurt? I need to know you’re okay, physically,” he asked, still keeping you tight in his arms. 
“I’m not hurt. I’m okay,” you sobbed, clutching at his shirt behind his back. 
“Shhh,” he cooed as your sobs continued, “What’s going on? What happened?”
You pulled away from him, slipping back into your seat and wiping furiously at your red and wet eyes. “There was,” you shuddered, “There was a woman,” you explained, eyes now trained on the window wipers that feebly tried to push away the waves of water that fell from the sky, “They were both naked.”
“What?” The volume of his voice was jarring in the otherwise silence of the car. You dared not speak, feeling embarrassed and ashamed. Danny had warned you that Otis wasn’t a good person, but you had ignored him, and you were now putting the weighted burden of your mistake on his shoulders. 
Danny ran a frustrated hand through his hair and you kept your eyes before you, silent tears now running down your cheeks. 
“She’s really pretty,” you added, and Danny eyed you carefully. He stared at you for a long time, as if trying to see through your skin and into your brain to read every thought that was running through your mind. When he couldn't find anything other than self-loathing and depreciation, he ran a hand through his hair. 
“I- fuck I don’t even know what to say. I’m so sorry.” 
You shook in the cold as you stared out the window, unspeaking. When he realised you weren’t going to respond, he turned in his seat again and popped the car back into gear before he continued the drive home. He was watching your body shake violently from the cold and knew that as much as he wanted to hold you until you were better, you needed to get out of your wet clothes and into something warm and dry.
“Don't do that,” Danny said, pulling your thumb away from your mouth as you attacked the skin around it. 
“‘M sorry,” you muttered with a sniffle, pulling your hands to your lap and fiddling with your fingers instead. 
“Don’t apologise.”
You were quiet for the rest of the ride. You replayed the moment over and over in your mind, looking back on how he had blatantly told you that he didn't want you there, that you weren’t invited. All because there was another woman. Had she always been there? Was she just a one night stand or had he been cheating on you for longer?
Danny bit his cheek each time he heard you sniffle, every small sound cutting through him like a knife. He glanced over at you, watching as you hastily wiped your eyes, your fingers trembling with the effort of holding yourself together. The sight of you in pain made his chest ache, and every time your hand darted up to your face, he wished he could reach out, pull you close, and wipe your tears away for you. But he didn’t want to push, didn’t want to smother you when you were clearly teetering on the edge.
His fingers tightened around the steering wheel as he navigated the darkening streets, the quiet hum of the car engine doing nothing to soothe the thick tension in the air. You sat next to him, staring out the window, barely moving, but he could see the steady stream of tears that continued to roll down your cheeks. They glistened in the streetlights as you passed them, and he wanted to say something, anything, but he knew no words could fix what you were feeling.
The ride home felt agonisingly long, each second dragging on as Danny tried to focus on the road and not the heart-wrenching sight of you unravelling beside him. He kept biting his cheek, hard enough to taste blood now, but he couldn’t stop himself from glancing over at you every few seconds, praying you’d somehow find a little bit of peace before they made it home.
When Danny finally rolled into the parking spot, the familiarity of your apartment complex looming ahead causerd the tears that had slowed for a brief moment on the drive started to pour again, the sight of home making everything worse. The thought of being so close to your bed, to the space where you could collapse and let yourself fully break was overwhelming.
Your breath hitched, and you hugged your arms around yourself, trying to stop the shivering that had taken over your body. The cold had seeped into your bones, making you shake uncontrollably, but you couldn’t tell if it was from the freezing rain that had soaked through your clothes or the sadness that seemed to settle deep in your chest.
Danny killed the engine and turned to you, eyes soft and full of worry. “Let’s get you inside, okay?” His voice was gentle, but the concern was clear. He didn’t wait for you to respond, opening his door quickly and jogging around to your side, pulling open the passenger door.
“Come on, I’ve got you,” he murmured, offering his hand to help you out of the car. You hesitated for just a second, but the exhaustion in your body won out, and you took his hand, letting him guide you. As you stepped out, your legs wobbled beneath you, and without a second thought, Danny wrapped his arm around you, pulling you into his side.
You leaned against him, your sobs becoming louder now that you were out of the confined space of the car. His warmth was comforting, but it wasn’t enough to stop the tidal wave of emotion that had hit you. As he helped you up the steps to the apartment, you clung to his sweater, your cold fingers digging into the fabric as if you could hold onto him and stop yourself from spiralling.
Each step felt heavy, the weight of your sadness pressing down on you like a physical force, and you stumbled a little as you climbed. Danny tightened his grip on you, steadying you with every step, whispering quiet reassurances even though you weren’t sure you could hear them over the sound of your own sobbing.
You weren’t crying for any reason now, yet it felt like your emotional capacity was a heavy ball that had been pushed off a hill. Once it started rolling, you couldn't stop. 
Once inside, the warmth of the apartment hit you, but it did nothing to thaw the ice in your bones. You barely registered Danny closing the door behind you, his arm still around your shoulders as he led you deeper into the space. Despite his support, your mind had already begun its familiar descent into destructive thoughts. If Otis didn’t want you, then who would? The rejection felt like a punch to the gut, and the more you thought about it, the more it hurt.
Without a word, you pulled away from Danny, feeling the loss of his warmth immediately but ignoring it as you left him standing in the middle of the living room alone. You made a beeline for your bedroom, your body moving on autopilot. The door clicked shut behind you, and even though there wasn’t a lock, you knew Danny wouldn’t come in. He respected your space, your boundaries, but that knowledge only made the ache in your chest deepen. The loneliness pressed in harder, suffocating.
Inside the sanctuary of your room, you didn’t care that you were drenched to the bone, your clothes clinging to your body uncomfortably. The cold had long since numbed your skin, and now it was creeping into your muscles, making your limbs ache with a dull, persistent throb. You shivered violently, your teeth chattering so hard they ached, but it was a distant sensation compared to the emotional storm raging inside you.
You toed off your soaked shoes, not even bothering to untie them properly. Normally, the thought of tracking dirt or water onto your bed would have horrified you as your bed was your sacred space, always spotless, always prepared for sleep in clean pyjamas after a long shower. But tonight, none of that mattered. Your mind was too far gone, too consumed by the thoughts that swirled around relentlessly.
You crawled onto the bed without a second thought, the damp sheets immediately sticking to your wet clothes. The fabric clung to your skin, cold and uncomfortable, but it didn’t register. All you could think about was curling into the tightest ball possible, as if making yourself small enough would somehow make the pain disappear.
The sobs wracked your body violently, each one more painful than the last. You pressed your face into the pillow, muffling the sound, but it didn’t stop the flood of tears from soaking the fabric. Your whole body trembled, not just from the cold, but from the anguish that had taken over.
And still, despite the physical discomfort, despite the relentless sobbing, your mind couldn’t stop fixating on Otis. You kept replaying every word he’d said, every look, every action that made you feel like you weren’t enough. You kept thinking about how he didn’t want you, how he didn’t choose you. That gut wrenching feeling of rejection echoed through you like a broken record, and no matter how much you tried to push it away, it lingered.
But it wasn't the loss of Otis that hurt you so much as the feeling of being left behind for someone better. Your self esteem had plummeted, all feelings of security and trust torn apart with no remorse. 
Minutes passed, maybe longer, until you were dimly aware of the soft knock on your door, Danny’s voice coming through gently.
"Hey… I'm just gonna leave some dry clothes outside the door, okay?" he said, his voice calm but clearly worried. You didn’t respond, too lost in the flood of emotions, but you heard him shuffle around outside before retreating.
A little while later, Danny returned, seeing the pile of clothes left outside untouched. He called your name gently with a brush of his knuckles against the wood, “Can I come in?” he asked cautiously. 
“No,” you called out, muffled in the pillows your face was buried in. 
He hesitated in the silence. “I don’t- I think you need to get out of your wet clothes,” he commented, voice still quiet behind the door. “You might get sick.”
“Don’t tell me what to do. I’m an adult, I’ll do what I want,” you snapped. 
You had no idea where that outburst had come from. You immediately felt guilty as you imagined how Danny would have recoiled at your words and tone of voice. It was glaringly obvious to both you and Danny that you were only acting hostile as a way to protect yourself. Protect the fragile feeling of trust you had so carefully maintained throughout your life.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that… you can come in,” you said so quietly, that Danny may not have even heard you. 
Though with heavy caution, Danny reached down to twist the handle. He knew you didn't mean what you were saying. You were hurt, and had been betrayed in arguably the worst way someone could be. He knew you just needed someone to be in your corner. 
You didn't dare look behind you at Danny as he entered your room, and instead kept your head buried in your pillows. 
“Hey,” he whispered, and you felt the edge of your bed dip as he sat down. He reached out hesitantly, and put his warm palm on your bare arm. He flinched the feeling of your skin, chilled from your still soaked clothes. “Shit, you’re freezing,” he commented. 
With your back still turned, you stared blankly into the plush pillows in front of you, your eyes fixated on the growing wet stain spreading across the fabric. You couldn’t distinguish if it was from your soaked hair or the relentless flow of tears that you had cried. Your pillowcase, usually soft and comforting, now felt cold and uninviting, just another reminder of the misery that clung to you like the dampness in your clothes.
Your chest rose and fell with uneven breaths, each one laboured as you tried to suppress the sobs that threatened to rise again. The wet patch in front of you seemed to expand with every tear, but you couldn’t muster the energy to wipe your face or even shift positions. 
Everything felt heavy. Your body, your heart, your thoughts. It was as though the weight of everything Otis had said, everything you felt, was sinking into that single spot on the pillow, and no matter how long you stared, it wouldn’t disappear.
“Hey,” he carefully pulled you away from your thoughts. Sniffling, you rolled over to face him, and his heart ached at the sight of you. Eyes and lips swollen, red and raw from your crying, and incessant rubbing. 
“Will you please change into something warmer?” he asked, eyes soft and genuine as he stared at you, his thumb stroking against the cold skin of your arm, “I can help you if you need,” he added. You sighed, hard and long before pushing yourself up from your bed into a sitting position. 
“Fuckkk,” you groaned, letting your head fall into your hands as you groaned, “This is such a mess.”
You looked back up again, assessing the damage you had done to your bed, which carried the consequences of you collapsing in it while still wet. Danny got up quickly, taking the clothes he had left for you outside of your bedroom door and bringing them to you at the bed. 
“I think a warm shower would do you good,” he suggested, “It’ll help you warm up quicker.” The thought of the warm water pouring over your tired and cold muscles seemed like heaven, but now that he was here, you didn't want Danny to leave. 
“Yeah, you’re right,” you agreed, moving to get up from your bed. Danny rushed out of your bedroom and searched through your shared hallway cupboard for the softest towel he could find. 
He watched as you slowly emerged from your bedroom, posture slumped and insecure, arms wrapped securely around your body. Your jeans and top clung to your body tightly from the slick, and your hair left a wet residue on your neck. 
“I can put the towel in the dryer for you while you shower. That way when you get out it’ll be nice and warm,” he suggested. His attention to detail made you smile. 
Though his offer was kind, you knew what you wanted more than a warm towel. The thought that came into your mind was absurd, and could very possibly make Danny uncomfortable by crossing the boundaries of your friendship that you had both treaded in all those years. But you didn’t want- you couldn’t be left alone, or you feared you would curl up onto the cold tile floors and cry until you died. 
“What's up?” he asked, hand raising to the side of your face to thumb away the remaining tears left on your cheeks. You glanced up at him shyly, trying to reign the confidence to ask him the question.
He frowned at the look of conflict on your face as you debated with yourself, “Hey. Whatever it is, you can tell me. You can tell me anything, you know that,” he offered with a kind smile. That same smile that had dried your tears too many times over the years, “‘S only me.”
You took a deep breath, “I just… I don’t know how to say this. I don’t want you to leave me alone. I want- I’m scared of being left alone again,” you admitted though still skirting around the truth of your sudden discomfort. 
“I won't ever leave you alone, you know that. I’m always here for you,” he comforted, stroking your wet hair away from your face in a way that felt so intimate, so domestic, that you nearly began to cry again. 
“Will- um, will you come with me?” you added in a mumble, cheeks heating at your question. 
He cocked his head in confusion, “Come with you where?” 
You swallowed thickly in embarrassment, physically unable to say the words. You were ready to dismiss it, and tell him it didn't matter when realisation struck his face. 
“You mean… come with you to shower?” he asked, surprise reigning his features at your admittance. 
You were a fool. You had just ruined the relationship you had with your boyfriend, and you were already on track to do the same with your best friend.
“I- I’m so sorry. I don’t even know why I suggested that, seriously, just forget it, I-”
“No, no, stop. I… I’m happy to… if uh, if that’s what you need,” Danny answered, his heart thumping in his chest at your suggestion. This was a boundary that neither of you had ever crossed. Sure you had seen each other close to nakedness before, but only by pure accident or in the form of skimpy swimwear. 
Both of you knew that doing this was different. Even suggesting it had changed something between the two of you, and it had brought to life the truth that you had both been hiding beneath platonic smiles for your whole lives.
You couldn't look at him, and instead looked at the towel he held tightly in his hands, “Are you sure?” you asked quietly. 
Jaw tight and eyes cautious, he nodded silently. “You go and get started, and I’ll uh, join you in a minute, okay?” he suggested and you tucked a tuft of hair behind your ear. 
“Okay,” you whispered. As you turned to walk away, nerves swelling in your stomach at your decision, Danny cleared his throat again. 
"Are you... do you want me to keep my... um, boxers on?" Danny’s voice was as gentle as ever, like slow dripping honey that coated each word with the tenderness you had come to depend on. It was just Danny, always so considerate, always thinking of how to make you feel comfortable, especially in moments as vulnerable as this.
The question, though spoken with the utmost care, still startled you. Your heart skipped, and you felt a small flutter of uncertainty rise in your chest. You feared that whatever answer you gave might lead to discomfort, but there was a deep, aching need inside you to be close to him. Closer than you had ever been before. Something unspoken tugged at you, a silent yearning to connect with him in a way that transcended the physical.
"If you want. But I don't mind if you don't," you murmured, your voice softer than you intended, as if afraid the wrong words might break the fragile atmosphere.
Before he could respond, you turned and made your way down the hallway to the bathroom, the soft patter of your footsteps against the floor the only sound echoing in the quiet apartment. You gently swung the bathroom door shut, leaving it ajar just enough to let him know that he was welcome. You twisted the shower tap, letting the heavy stream of hot water fill the shower, the sound of it pounding against the tile, a soothing background hum that drowned out the noise in your mind.
Your clothes clung stubbornly to your body as you peeled them off, each article of fabric a reminder of the evening's cold and the emotions that had seeped into your bones. The chill in the air bit at your exposed skin, and a violent shiver racked your body, leaving you trembling as you stood naked in the dim bathroom. You barely spared a glance in the mirror, catching only a fleeting, distorted reflection of yourself, a body that tonight, felt uglier than it ever had. The blotchy redness from your sobs clashed with the paleness of your cold skin, and you looked away quickly, unable to face the image.
Stepping into the shower, you sighed deeply as the hot water cascaded over your head, the sensation washing away the lingering chill. It was a simple pleasure, the heat sinking into your scalp, down your neck, and through your entire body. You tipped your head back, allowing the water to flow over your face, burning just enough to be distracting, before it slid down your shoulders and over the curve of your breasts. For a brief, blissful moment, you forgot about Otis, the heartbreak, the insecurity, everything.
Danny's soft footsteps padding into the bathroom snapped you back to reality, and your heart gave a nervous flutter as you saw his silhouette through the thin shower curtain. You turned, yet could still feel his presence as he shuffled with his things by the countertop, your senses heightened by the silence in the room. As he approached, the shower curtain shifted slightly, letting in a sliver of cool air that made you shiver again, but this time not entirely from the cold.
Wordlessly, you stepped forward, making room for him under the stream of water, and you heard his deep, contented exhale as the warmth enveloped him. You felt a shy smile tug at your lips, though you didn’t dare turn around. The thought of exposing yourself fully to him was daunting, even though you had never felt safer with anyone else.
Reaching up, you grabbed the bottle of vanilla shampoo, your fingers trembling slightly as you struggled to maintain your composure. But before you could open the bottle, you felt Danny’s warmth behind you, not close enough to touch, but enough for you to feel his steady, comforting force and hot, heavy breath by your ear. He reached over your shoulder, his hand brushing yours as he gently took the bottle from you. The touch was brief, but electric, sending a ripple of warmth through your chest.
"Let me," he offered, his breath tickling the skin beside your ear. The shampoo bottle clicked open, the scent of vanilla filling the air as Danny lathered up the shampoo by rubbing it between his large hands.
You stood still, your heart pounding in your chest as his hands moved to your head, slowly threading into your locks and pressing to your scalp. His fingers were strong but somehow gentle as ever, working the shampoo into your scalp in slow, deliberate motions, in a way that made your knees weak. You let out a whispered groan, the sound escaping before you could stop it as your body relaxed under his touch.
This was no longer just about getting clean; this was something else entirely. The both of you, stood there, completely exposed, completely vulnerable, and yet there was no awkwardness and no sense of pressure or expectation. It wasn’t sexual, but it wasn’t entirely platonic either. It was something deeper, something built on years of quiet affection, of love that had been waiting patiently for the right moment to reveal itself.
You closed your eyes, leaning into his touch as he continued to wash your hair. His fingers traced soothing patterns against your scalp, moving with such care that you felt your chest ache with emotion. This wasn’t just an act of kindness. It was love. Pure, unspoken, and unconditional.
He soon rinsed his hands under the water, and touched your shoulder gently as he pulled you back under the stream. He aided with washing the shampoo out of your hair with his hands, running through your scalp and squeezing at your hair as the soapy suds travelled down your hair and down to his feet. 
You had completely forgotten about Otis, you realised, as Danny reached up to grab the bottle of conditioner, doing the same as before but only raking the product through the ends of your hair. 
Your breathing was heavy, and you suddenly felt the urge to cry again, but not out of sadness this time. You turned around to face him, feeling no insecurity over the exposure of your bare body when his burning gaze remained on your face. 
“Danny…” you started, frowning at the overwhelming feeling of your new realisation. Your face told him everything he needed to know, eyebrows pinched in desperation, and tears brimming at your eyes. He had always felt a way for you that he couldn’t act upon, and only now did he see that you could finally feel it too. 
He reached up and cupped your cheek, “I know, sweet girl.” He nodded, his thumb stroking the apple of your cheek lovingly, and you leaned into his touch. When he let go, you dropped your head, hanging it low between your bodies, your eyes closed in exhaustion. 
Danny stepped forward slowly, his feet splashing against the pool of water at your feet, and he engulfed you in the embrace of his long arms. Your head fell into the spot between his arm and chest, and that same arm came up to cradle your head. You could feel his bare arm on your back, your breasts pressed against his chest and you flushed at the proximity. 
You desperately tried to hold him too, arms wrapped around his abdomen and folded up to hook your hands over his shoulders. You didn't notice the tears that flowed from your eyes, as they became one with the water that flowed between you both. 
“Danny,” you whispered. He nuzzled into your hair, a comforting gesture that made your heart race. 
“Hmm?” he replied softly, encouraging you to continue. The moment hung heavy in the air, filled with unspoken feelings. 
The feeling was so overwhelming, that you realised you could no longer pretend to be just friends, as the desire to love him loudly completely consumed you. 
Finally, you spoke, your confession bursting forth like a long held secret, “I think I love you.” The words tumbled out, raw and unfiltered, a rush of emotion that felt both exhilarating and terrifying. 
You felt his stomach tighten at your words, and he pulled back slightly to gaze down at you. You raised your head from his chest to meet his eyes to see them pleading in wonder. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. For so long, he had admired the beauty of your soul in silence, waited in suppressed agony, fearing that revealing his feelings would push you away. Your company was always enough for him to keep his feelings hidden, as just being near you to hear your laughter, your mind and your soul, had been more than enough. 
But now, you were uttering the words he had dreamt of telling you for what felt like his whole life. 
“Always,” he whispered, his sincerity washing over you like a warm embrace. He tucked your wet hair behind your ear, his fingers brushing your skin gently. “I always have.”
Your eyes widened in disbelief, searching his for confirmation. “What?” you managed to ask, your voice breaking. Instead of answering, Danny leaned down, closing the distance between you, and held his face close to yours. He lingered for a moment, as if giving you time to pull away, before he brought his lips to yours in a gentle caress.
His lips were soft and slow against yours, hesitant and testing at the new sensation. Neither of you could believe what was happening, and you marvelled at the intimacy of the moment, the tenderness. Never would you have thought this would be how you ended up, and now that it was happening, there was no going back. 
Danny's hands rested hesitantly beside you, ghosting your skin as he resisted the urge to touch you, as he was painfully aware of your state of undress and didn't want to cross any boundaries. You took them into your own hands, and pulled them to rest on the sides of your waist. He gripped the skin softly at the sensation. 
You mouths explored each other, and you reached your hands up to tangle in his hair as you revelled in the new feeling. It felt as if you had searched every corner of Danny, as your years of friendship had taught you things about him even his family didn't know, yet this was unexplored territory. 
Danny pulled away with a deep inhale, and he took in the sight of your flushed face, mouth slightly agape and eyes wide. A small smile crept onto his face at his realisation of what had just happened. 
“You’re so beautiful, d’ you know that?” he whispered, hand gliding up and down the curve of your waist. You looked down shyly, at both the complement and your own understanding of what had just happened.
“You are too,” you mumbled quietly, a blush tinting your cheeks. You could no longer look at Danny without your heart exploding, and when he smiled a bit wider at your words, you turned back around, reaching for the body wash and fiddling with the cap. 
Danny was more hesitant to offer helping you clean your body than he was your hair, ever considerate of your boundaries. You had both taken huge steps in mere minutes, and the last thing he wanted was for you to feel rushed. 
You of course knew this, and decided that your bold streak hadn’t ended yet. “Would you… help me with this one too?” you asked quietly, turning to look up at Danny through your lashes.
“Anything,” he answered with a nod, taking the bottle from your hands gently and pouring the soapy substance over his hands. You could tell he was still hesitant, the act of touching you was clearly daunting for him, and you tried your best to show him you were okay. You nodded at him to go ahead, and he gingerly reached his hands to your shoulders, massaging the produce over them, pulling your arms out horizontally so that he could lather it across them too. 
Avoiding the obvious, his hands dragged back up your arms and to your back. You turned for him, letting his strong fingers knead into your muscles, making you hum in approval, head dropping forward at the feeling. He tucked your hair over your right shoulder to move it out of his way. His hands travelled over the expanse of your back, fingers dipping into your dimples of venus, but not treading any further before he pulled them back up, running long stripes either side of your spine.
His hands travelled around your waist then, and you turned again for him as the warmth of his hands spread over your stomach, sides and ribs, hesitating just below your breasts. 
Your stomach flipped as you became aware now that his gaze was not holding its respectful attachment to your face, and was now all over your chest, trying to touch you anywhere but there. 
You bit your cheek, and slowly reached up to take his hand that was settled on your ribs into yours. His eyes flicked to yours as you dragged his hand up your body and rested it on your breast. 
“It’s okay,” you told him. To say that these moments were not entirely sexual anymore would be untrue. And you’d be lying if you said that you hadn’t caught glimpses of his situation down below, despite your efforts to keep your gaze above his waist.
Feeling like he would pass out any moment, Danny tenderly ran his hands over your breasts, rounding at the swell and dipping in the valley as he lathered them in the soap. He wasn't hasty to move on, but he didn’t linger for too long, letting you know that he did not expect anything sexual from you. As he washed your upper half, you scrubbed at your bottom, running the soap in your hands over your legs and behind, to speed up the process. 
Danny pulled you back under the stream, and rejected your offer to wash him the same. 
“You’re exhausted, and I’m worried if you spend another minute in the steam you’ll pass out,” he said with a teasing smile, half joking. You frowned at his words. 
“I’m not exhausted, I can do it.”
“Honey…” he started, lifting your arm and showcasing your hands which were trembling without support.
You huffed at his consideration. “Okay, fine… if you’re sure.”
He smiled at you, his hand on your hip squeezing gently, “I am.” He dipped down and gave you a quick peck on the lips, the act startling you, as you had almost forgotten the events that just occurred between the two of you. As if you weren't just guiding his hand to your breasts. As if he weren’t standing before you in those moments, with an obviously painful erection.
You gave him one last smile before you pulled the shower curtain open and stepped out. The cold slapped you in the face and you were quick to shut the curtain behind you to keep Danny warm. Picking up your towel and wrapping it around your body was a beautiful reprieve from the biting cold, and when you looked out of the fogged glass of the bathroom window, you could tell that the rain outside was just as relentless as it was before. 
You listened to foamy soap hit the floor as Danny washed through his own hair while you collected your hairbrush and other essentials, before you silently slipped out of the bathroom door, not bothering to close it all the way behind you. 
Your mood now soaring at heights unimaginable, you padded to your bedroom, a small smile on your face as you thought back on the intimacy of the moments you had just shared. When you stepped into your bedroom though, you were reminded of the mess that was your life. 
Your bed was soaked, sheets and pillows bore big wet patches and you were sure the witness had soaked onto your mattress too. You shut your eyes and took a deep breath, before deciding what to do. You shuffled through your pyjama drawers and picked out some long plaid pants along with a white singlet and a hoodie. You changed quickly, not wanting the warmth of your body to succumb to the cold again, and once you were changed, you walked back out of your room and into the living room, where you set up camp on the couch. 
Meanwhile, Danny was running his hands through his wet locks, the water cascading down his face as he replayed those moments over and over again in his mind. He had waited for you for so long. Loved you in silence for so long. And it was all worth it. 
Once he left the shower he wrapped the last towel around his waist, squeezing the wetness out of his hair and leaving it otherwise to air dry. 
As he left the bathroom, he could hear you humming softly in the living room, and he passed his room to see you again. Danny watched in admiration at you, dressed comfortably while you typed and scrolled on your phone, cross legged on the couch, Your wet hair hung down your back, but your sweater protected you from the cold this time. 
He frowned when he saw the couch, set up in a way he could only assume was your attempt to sleep on it. 
The sound of his arrival got your attention, “Hey, I’m ordering Thai delivery,” you said, eyes still trained on your phone as you typed in your card details.
Danny smiled warmly at you, “Great, thanks…um, what’s all this?” he asked, hands gesturing to the makeshift bed you had set up on the couch. Although just seeing him completely naked, and having that naked body pressed against your own, you stifled at the sight of him with only a towel around his waist.
You cleared your throat and averted your gaze, “Oh, my bed is really wet from… you know, lying on it earlier.”
He shook his head, “No, you aren’t sleeping on the couch. I have a double, you can sleep with me.” He immediately blushed at the alternate innuendo his words held, “Not like sleep together, just you know, go to sleep,” he tripped over his words anxiously, making you force back a smile. 
“Are you sure? I’m fine to-” 
“Yes I’m sure. One hundred percent,” he assured quickly before he reached up to scratch the back of his neck, “I mean, we did just shower together.”
Now it was your turn to blush, and you looked back to your phone to hide your face, agreeing quietly. 
Danny retreated to his room to get into his pyjamas, and quickly tidied the space up, feeling self conscious at the state his room was in, shoving his clothes into his drawers haphazardly, and others he took to the laundry basket. Once he was satisfied, he returned to the living room. 
He sat down beside you, his thigh brushing yours and you suddenly became insecure of where you both stood. Usually, it would be normal for you both to be sitting close together, laughing and chatting through movies, but now, things were different. You didn't want to come across as pushy and rushed, but similarly didn't want to do the opposite, act cold or distance after the moments you had shared. 
If Danny was having the same fears, he didn’t let it show, as he wrapped his arm around you and tugged you closer to him while he leaned over to reach for the TV remote with a grunt. 
“Watcha wanna watch?” 
You and Danny settled on the first movie you could, only pausing to get your takeout delivery from the door, before you returned to your position, which seemed to be steadily moving closer to Danny with each reposition or shuffle. 
By the time the film was over and your bellies were full, you were exhausted. You had been emotionally wrecked throughout the day, ranging from betrayal and heartbreak, to renewal and love. 
Danny steadied you by your elbow as you stood, helping you gather your things to take to his room. You were too sleepy to feel nervous. 
“Which side do you sleep on?” you asked as you stood by the doorway. 
Danny scratched the back of his head, “Usually the right, but I don't mind. I move around a lot when I sleep anyway.” Truth be told, Danny rathered that you slept on his side, as he knew that his pillow would smell like you by morning.
It apparently didn't matter though, as when you slipped under the covers of the left side of the bed beside him, his senses were overwhelmed with you. Your smell, your energy and your heat. It also wasn’t long before the two of you closed the distance between you, arms and legs tangled in your attempts to be impossibly closer to one another, your fronts pressed together just like the moments you shared in the shower. 
It all felt so normal. You attributed it to being friends for your whole lives, giving you the ability to close emotional distance without second thought, but it was still startling nonetheless. 
“Thanks again for letting me sleep here, it’s definitely more comfortable than the couch,” you whispered, and he reached behind him to turn off the bedside lamp.
Now cloaked in darkness, you relied only on your hearing to navigate Danny beside you. The rain was still pouring outside the window, and in a way, it felt fitting as a reminder of your day. While a disastrous storm brewed outside, you were safe and warm with Danny at home. 
“Maybe… maybe we could make it a regular thing?” Danny asked nervously. “You know, since you love me and all that,” he teased, trying to ease the tension of his suggestion. You groaned in embarrassment and buried your head into his chest, hearing his chuckles vibrate in his chest. 
“I would like that very much, thank you.”
“Don't thank me. You have no idea how happy I am to have you with me like this right now.”
You sighed deeply, and decided it was your turn to tease. “And just how long have you felt this way for me, hm?” 
Danny chuckled dryly but swallowed, hesitating to tell you in case it made things weird. He didn’t want you to feel that his friendship had ever been false, or as a ruse to gain your attention in that way. 
His nose brushed against your forehead, “I’ve known for sure since eighth grade.” His statement was heavy, and it hung in the air wearily as he waited for you to respond. 
You pulled your head away from him, “Eighth grade?! Danny… what- why didn’t you say anything?”
He sighed, “I didn’t want to ruin what we had.” 
You understood, but wished he had told you sooner, as though you hadn’t ever realised it was quite love, you knew that you never would have turned away the idea of being with Danny like that. 
“We wasted so much time,” you sighed. 
“What? You mean you felt the same?” he asked, shock lacing his words as his hand tightened around your frame. 
You nodded, “You’ve always treated me better than any boy I ever went out with. I just didn't think that- I didn't think that this was a possibility. I thought you were too good for that. Too-”
“Too good for what?” 
“You know, like with your band and stuff. I don't know, I guess I thought you had more important people to see than me. I didn’t ever think you could actually see me like that,” you tried to explain. 
Danny groaned, “Oh God. I’m never gonna live this down.”
Your brow creased in confusion, “What do you mean?”
“Sammy knew I liked you before I even did, used to tease me about it all the time. The three of them have watched me act like an idiot around you for years. I can't believe you thought that I was ‘too cool’ for you.” He chuckled, though regret laced the dry laugh. 
You felt mild embarrassment at the thought that the boys, who you’d become close with the years that you knew Danny, were keeping the secret from you that would ultimately change your life indefinitely. 
He whispered your name, pulling you from your thoughts, “I have always loved you. Nothing will ever change that.”
“I love you too,” you whispered, clutching his shirt in your hands as you shuffled incredibly closer to him. He smelt like Danny, the comfort you had grown to turn to after many years of safekeeping your heart. 
“Goodnight, sweet girl.” You felt him kiss the top of your head, followed by the feeling of his nose nuzzling into your hair and sighing deeply. 
“Goodnight Danny.”
As you welcomed the blankets of exhaustion over your spent body, Danny began to hum a familiar tune, his voice sounding distant in your haze of sleep. Soon, the song became unmistakably recognisable. 
Because, by The Beatles. Your favourite song.
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romanarose · 3 days
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The River
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Joel Miller x Black!fem!reader
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Summary: Joel and Sarah's mom! reader the days he's conceived, written to Bruce Springsteen's The River in honor of his birthday today!
Warnings: Virginity loss for both, piv sex, skinny dipping, not a happy end, if you want the spoiler look at notes at the end. Classmate calls reader a name but its never stated so you can fill in the blank however fitting you feel, but its implied its either a slur or a derogatory word towards women. Story starts with joel and reader in HS and 17, but 18 when the smu happens. If this makes you uncomfortable, thats fine. Dont read it.Some drinking but everyone is consenting, and at 18 in the 80's in the us you can drink Immersivity: reader is at least biracial as fitting with the show TLOU. Not super descriptive there bc I wanted it to remain pretty open but I mentioned hair care for curls and dark skin
Happy birthday Bruce!!!! I love you
Dividers by @thecutestgrotto
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I come from down in the valley
Where, mister, when you're young
They bring you up to do like your daddy done
  It started at 17, just kids. You were like something out of a dream to a teen. Well, a wet dream. You dressed so unlike everyone around him, showing off skin in a way scandalous to the bible belt you were living in. Joel was taught that impure thoughts and sex before marriage was sinful, shameful.
A year later, it didn’t feel shameful with you. 
When you moved here during yours and Joel’s senior  year, you and Joel met at a party and it was all over for him the second he saw you in that pretty black dress that dipped so low… Dark, thick curls spiraled around your head in a halo and beautiful dark skin. Joel was certain you weren’t looking his way even once. Joel wasn’t unpopular by any means, but if he were honest a lot of his circle came from either playing baseball or being Tommy’s brother . 
Tommy was a linebacker on the football team, something much cooler than baseball was. Joel didn’t think himself ugly, he thought he was decent to look at, but his nose got in the way, just planted large smack in the middle of his face. Tommy had similar features, but for some reason they meshed together better. Tommy was also just so much more extraverted, friendly as they came. And none of it was fake, Tommy was genuine and that's why people liked him. That’s why Tommy lost his virginity long before Joel had his first kiss.
When you walked over and struck up a conversation with him of all people, Joel’s eyes nearly popped out of his face.
“Hey.” You told him your name. “I start school next week with y’all”
“”M Joel,” He reached out shaking your hand, a move that made you grin ear to ear. “Nice t’meecha”
“You’re cute, Joel, wanna talk outside?”
An hour later, you and Joel hadn’t spoken to a single otyour soul. He watched as envious eyes lingered on them, pride swelling in his chest at having the prettiest girl at the party wearing his jacket as you sat on the porch. 
“HEY MILLER!” A teammate of Tommy’s shouts at Joel from below the porch. “Gonna finally score a homerun?”
When you looked at him confused, Joel explained the metaphor. “I play baseball.”
“YEAH AND HE”S NEVER SCORED WITH A GIRL!”
“THANKS DAN I THINK You GOT IT!!” Joel shouted to the jeering boy who’d drawn a bit of a crowd. When he turns back to you, you weren’t weirded about him being a virgin still, instead you were smiling.
“I’m a virgin too, don’t worry. Wanna really show ‘em how stupid they look?” You whisper.
Joel laughs, smiling something dopey. “Please…”
Swinging one leg over the porch railing, a move that spread your legs and rode your skirt up. You grab his shirt, yanking him towards you and kissing him right tyoure in the porch light, getting bitten by mosquitos. This creates a bunch of loud whooping from everyone except Dan, more people gatyouring to watch the show. Joel about passed out, ready to fall off the porch and die a happy man. He didn’t, holding onto your leg as you giggled into his mouth at the reactions of everyone around them.
After that, only death could separate Joel from you. 
Me and Mary we met in high school
When she was just seventeen
We drive out of this valley
Down to where the fields were green
“Hey Miller!” Dan called after him in the hall, but Joel wasn’t interested in talking to him.
That school year had been a wild one to be sure. You joined the cheer team, but admitted later it was so that you could see Joel more, an excuse to talk to him. Joel was absolutely baffled at the concept that you thought you needed a reason to talk to him after he’d kissed you, but sweet nonetheless. 
Dan had tried in vain to steal you out from under him, but to Joel’s surprise you showed no interest. After that, he got mean. Joel frequently found himself telling Dan to shut the fuck up, defending you even though the relationship still didn’t have a name. It was stolen smiles in class, study dates, choosing to spend your 18th birthday with him at the local diner instead of a party.  DIdn’t matter. He wasn’t going to let Dan talk the way he did about you. It’d never escalated to more than a few shoves in the locker room, resulting in being separated by Tommy and anotyour teammate. Their coach said if Dan causes more problems to let him know.
And then, Dan crossed a line. The crowded hallway was loud, people pushing around to get the hell out of school and onto their next event but Joel heard him loud and clear. The hall got real quiet, everyone between Dan and you and Joel hearing with Dan called you, and it was over. 
“Joel…” You warn, feeling him squeeze your hand tighter. “Don-” but he was gone, letting go and lunging at Dan like he was tackling in a game.
The fight didn’t last long, Joel a little better off than Dan was by the time they were pulled apart, which is why the coach suspended Joel for 2 days instead of Dan. They told the coach, multiple students testifying, what Dan had called you but he never go any repercussions. That just makes Joel all the more happy he broke his nose.
You were his after that. Officially. Boyfriend and girlfriend and inseparable. Every game, you were there cheering him on and every night you worked he was there to walk you home. 
When the summer turned warm, Joel decided he wanted to share something special with you.
It was a secret spot, a place Joel grandpa used to take him and Tommy to fish before he passed. They pair had grown up swimming there when they could get their hands on a car in the summer, and it was somewhere that few people knew about. A quiet lake, the perfect place to fish and swim or just relax. Joel managed to borrow your brothers car, people trusting him as he was responsible, unlike Tommy. He even packed you a picknick, making it a nice date. He knew he was romantic as shit. He didn’t plan on what happened happening, but he knew it would be a special afternoon.
The week after graduation in Texas was already warm, the world bright and happy around him as college approached. You and him had plans to move to Austen together, he had gotten a few good grants for low income students and was going to attend the tech school, get into electrician work. He even knew a place where he could apprentice in the city, and hopefully by the time you graduate with your 4 year degree he would have his journeymans. You had gotten an excellent scholarship, and between that and the money saved from the last few years of both of you working, if you guys budgeted well you would graduate almost debt free. Then, find permanent jobs, get a house, get married, have kids… the entire world was in the palm of your hands.
You hadn’t taken the big step, even after 7 months of dating, you were still virgins. You wanted to… but wyoure? On the bottom bunk of the bunk bed Joel and Tommy still shared in the tiny mobile home? Or at your place, wyoure your mom made you keep the door open at all time? Joel certainly wasn’t going to deflower you in the back of a car, he wasn’t a fucking animal. Still, he liked to think what ended up happening was perfect.
You loved it.
We'd go down to the river
And into the river we'd dive
Oh, down to the river we'd ride
“Joel!!!” An excited squeal escaped your lips as he finished setting everything up. There were even a bundle of wildflowers on the blanket he sprawled out on the grass. 
“M’grandpa used to take me  n’ Tommy here ‘fore he died.” Joel explained, standing up and stepping back to admire his work. There was a tinge of longing, reminiscing on those old days, childhood that he was soon to leave behind for a life with you. There'll always be nostalgia, but he had to fear facing the future with you by his side. He’d do it all in your honor. Joel felt your hand on his back.
“He sounds great, baby.”
Joel smiled. “Yeah, he was.” But he turned to hug yo. The smell of your hair was always something he took his time to appreciate. Throughout these months, he’d learned a lot about taking care of your hair, and absolutely adored the smell of coconut oil. He'd gotten pretty damn good at braiding. Sometimes you’d even put the oil in his hair, and Joel loved the scalp massage too much he was practically purring. That;s how you learned he had a sensitive scalp. Very sensitive.
Got anything to drink?” You smiled, trying to distract him.
He paused for a bit, then finally smiled for the first time tonight. “Yeah, yeah I do.”
Joel pulled out the glasses, iced tea, rum, and sliced lemons; Long Island iced tea.
Joel insisted on holding the ice to your lip as You sipped through your straw and drank his own. Joel was more of a beer guy himself, the guys would never let it go if they caught him drinking this, but for your, he’d drink it. Plus, it actually tastes good. Beer does not.
Now, Joel was Joel again. He laughed along to your stories and shared quips about the guys at the shop as they sat on the blanket he laid out by the banks. He braided your hair back for you, tying it up nice and tight so the river water doesn’t ruin it.
“You ready to swim?” You asked.
Joel grinned “Absolutely. I brought some spare clothes, I figured you couldn’t exactly sneak out with swimwear.”
“Actually…” You stood up. “I was thinking we could just…” You took off your shirt. Joel quickly stood up. “Skinny dip?” 
Joel had felt your tits before. Plenty. You and him had explored things before… but never this. Seeing your breasts in that bra had his mind short circuiting. He was only a man. 
You turned away and began walking towards the river. The Texas sun was setting on your back as you slid your underwear off. Joel never really gotten a good look at your ass until now. Well now, he was taking it all in. 
“You gonna join me? Or just stare at my ass like a perv at a gas station?” He looked up at you and saw you glancing over your shoulder as you unhooked your bra. When you turned back and tossed your bra back to the shore, Joel scrambled out of his jeans and underwear comically fast, hopping out of his last pant leg. Joel grinned wildly as he giggled (did he just giggle?) and ran into the river as he pulled his shirt off.
By the time he reached you, you had dove into the water, swimming out. He caught up to you and pulled your wet frame in, finally taking yor in the kiss he had wanted to give all afternoon. He was careful, ever so careful, not to startle you or move too fast, but he hears you laugh. “Oh my god Joel, just kiss me.”
As the lady wished. He deepened the kiss as you ran fingers through his thick curls, massaging into his scalp. He could feel himself getting hard, so he pulled away. “Time to swim, sweetheart.” As he dove into the water, you got a quick peek at his ass before it re-entered the cool water. Oh man, you could not wait to get a hold of that latter tonight. You swam as the sun peaked, until your bodies were too tired to keep changing between kisses and splashes.
The evening was still warm, but could cool quick. Joel grabbed towels and another drink for the two of you on the blanket. While in the car, he opened his windows and turned up the radio. He helped dry off your hair and body before pulling a blanket over the two of you. The area was private, no one would be here except him. Snuggling into his chest, you signed contently. Joel was your safe place. Despite being naked under the blanket, You felt warm and secure. When “Sister Christian” faded out of the car radio, You listened to the DJ.
“This next song is a request, it goes out from Joel in Arlington. Joel wants you to know how much he’s enjoyed your time together and he hopes for many more nights like tonight. Well, isn’t that sweet. Here’s to you, this is You Make Loving Fun by Fleetwood Mac”
You turned to him with a broad smile. “Joel! That’s so sweet” You took him in for a kiss as the opening chords started playing, your dark, naked body pulling up against him.
Joel tried to keep his cool, but fighting his hard-on was getting a lot harder to control. “I wanted to play something by Stevie Nicks, but all the songs I knew that she sang sounded like break up songs.” Joel sucked on your neck.
You moaned out his name. “Oh god… mmm” You tried to keep the conversation going, but he felt so good on your skin. “True, but Silver Springs is a masterpiece…”
“You are a masterpiece…” He murmured between the soft kisses he placed along your stomach. your heart rate kicked up as he crept closer to your sex. 
“Joel…” You pleaded, begging him for more as he kissed the crease of your legs, so, so close to where you needed him to be. Something else entirely. Just when You thought he was finally going to take your in his mouth,  moved past your sex, his beautiful lips tantalizingly grazing over your folds to move towards your inner thighs. “Joel, please, stop teasing…”
“As the lady wants…” Finally, he dove into you.
Then I got Mary pregnant
And man, that was all she wrote
You tasted fantastic. He flattened his tongue as licked up, swirling around your clit, making your whimper. He loved the little sounds You made when he touched you, tasted you. Sliding two fingers inside, Joel worked your lower body with everything in him: his fingers deep inside your, his mouth licking and kissing everywhere in reach, his free hand massaging along your thigh.
In the freedom of the dark night, You felt free to be as loud as You wanted. “FUCK! Fuck Joel, just like that.”
“Fuck, you taste so good”
You gave a breathy laugh “Baby, I taste like river water”
“Like delicious river water” He muttered with an obvious smile;
You giggled “Ew”
Joel hummed “mmmm” the vibration sending another wave through you.
“Oh! Oh God, Joel!” You whimpered when You felt his teeth carefully draw along your sensitive inner thigh.
Joel continued working you, fingering you open carefully until you came on his tongue, tugging on the sweet curl and his oh so sensitive scalp.
You moved your hips up, sending a shock of electricity through him when he felt your thigh rub along his cock.
He kissed into your neck, fighting the strong urge to leave hickies. “If I told you I brought a condom, would you think I was presumptuous?”
“If I told you I brought a condom, would you think I’m easy?”
You could feel a shit eating, teasing grin being pressed into your neck. “I don’t believe in women being easy, I believe in men being lucky.”
With your soft hand, you guided his face back to yours and You gifted him with a kiss. “Do you think you’re lucky tonight?”
He couldn’t help the feral growl that escaped him as he nipped along your neck and chest. “Sweetheart, tonight, I think I’m favored by the gods.” He rolled over and pulled the condom out of his pant pocket and slid it over his length before lining himself up at your entrance and planting a soft kiss on your brow. He touched his forehead to yours. “You want this?” Joel spoke softly in your ear.
You smiled, eyes closed, and nodded, gently tracing the muscles on his back, toned from physical labour.
“More than anything, Joel. Do you?”
When you opened them, Joel was beaming down at you. “More than anything.”
 He felt your grip on his shoulder as he entered your, wet and hot in contrast to the cool air seeping into their little haven. He pulled the blanket over both of their heads to keep the heat between them, to keep the world outside. Right now, only they mattered, only you existed, nothing else could possibly be more important than making you feel beautiful and special and… loved.
You were ethereal. Nothing in the world felt better than you sweet pussy and there was nothing he loved more than you, his beautiful girl giving herself to him, just as he gave himself to you. 
In your little tent, you felt safe, appreciated and adored. Joel always had a way of taking away all your anxieties, his demeanor was always so light and relaxing but fiercely protective. You could feel him hitting deep inside you despite his movements being slow and steady, not wanting to hurt you. He was all kisses: your mouth your jaw, your breasts, your cheeks. As you stretched out your body and put your arms over your head, he ran his hands up your sides, over your breasts and shoulders, along your arms and finally pinning your hand above your. Joel held you to the ground and he picked up his pace, making your toes curl as your orgasm built back up again.
“Mmmm, Joel, baby you feel so good… so good honey”
Joel could feel your tightening around him, he knew you were close. He kissed deep into your mouth that opened for him. You aggressively kissed back, taking his lip between your teeth. “Please baby, I need to feel you.” You wiggled your wrists.
Joel complied, releasing your hands which You returned to his tan skin. When You came around him, he felt your fingernails digging into his shoulder blades, tipping him over the edge. His pace faltered as he rode out his orgasm, pressing tender kisses into your neck.
When they re-emerged from the cover of the blanket, night had completely fallen on the reservoir, the moon shone above the treeline illuminating You’s tan, wet body. “Keep on Lovin You” by REO Speedwagon was in full swing. They laid on the bank of the river, pulling your close just to feel each breath You takes.
There they laid, until Joel heard the rumble of thunder. “We should probably get going, don’t want to get rained on.” No answer. He looked down to see you sleeping against his chest. 5 more minutes won’t hurt… He thought to himself, and watched your sleep for 20 minutes, until you stirred to the sound of the thunder getting closer.
“Hm?” You grumbled into his chest, despite him not saying anything.
“I said we gotta go, it looks like rain.”
“Oh.” You rubbed your eyes and sat up. “Oh shit, I forgot we were naked.”
Joel stood up and gathered your clothes that You had practically stripped off for him, then got dressed himself.
It was that July you told him you were pregnant.
And for my nineteenth birthday
I got a union card and a wedding coat
We went down to the courthouse
And the judge put it all to rest
No wedding day smiles, no walk down the aisle
No flowers, no wedding dress
Everything changed after that, 
Not the love you had for each other, no, not that.
But everything else.
Your parents kicked you out when you told them, and Joel’s family let you move in, kind enough to let you take the couch, until a week later you and Joel were married at the courthouse. You spend your wedding night on the bottom of a bunk bed, Tommy staying with a friend for the night to offer you some privacy.
Life wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t the worst. No trade school, no apprenticeship, no journeymans, but Joel found a union job which was good. You continued working your job at the diner until Sarah was born, the best day of Joel’s life.
The next 5 years would be difficult, late bills and a sick baby, union going on strike, but no matter what, he had you. Always had you, his beautiful girl. Sometimes, Joel would ask Tommy to watch Sarah for a few hours, and he’d take you back to the river, back to where she was conceived. He couldn’t say he regretted it, but when this life brought him his baby. He couldn’t regret anything with you, honestly. Every struggle was worth it for his little family.
It was here you told him about the cancer.
Now all them things that seemed so important
Well mister they vanished right into the air
Now I just act like I don't remember
Mary acts like she don't care
Joel watched as a preteen Sarah swam around the river, Tommy and Joel parked with chairs close enough their feet were wet. Joel supposed she was technically a teen now… but it felt wrong to say his baby was a teenager of all things. 13 could be a preteen, just one more year. He had braided her hair back the same way he always did yours, the memory of which always tore at his chest. There were a few years there he didn’t take her, the last time Sarah had been was when she was 6.
 The chemo had taken its toll on you, but you wanted this last summer with your daughter. Joel had carried you in, your body to weak to stand for long but once you were in again, you were at ease. The water helped you move, taking pressure off your joints and Sarah, as little as she was played gently with you, knowing her mom was fragile. Joel loved how much you loved her, how much Sarah adored you, and it killed him. It killed him to know there wasn’t much longer left. 
Joel watched as you floated, taking in the sun on your skin as Sarah did the same. Two peas in a pod.
You died two days later.
But I remember us riding in my brother's car
Her body tan and wet, down at the reservoir
At night on them banks I'd lie awake
And pull her close just to feel each breath she'd take
Now those memories come back to haunt me
They haunt me like a curse
Is a dream a lie if it don't come true
Or is it something worse
Joel didn’t take her again until she was 10. He couldn’t stomach it, so Tommy did, wanting to keep the family place alive.
“You alright, brother?” Tommy asked, cool beer in his hand.
Joel sighed. “Yeah, yeah. Just….” He shook his head, watching as Sarah went under to do a handstand. “She looks so much like her mom, doesn’t she?”
When Sarah popped up again, Joel and Tommy cheered for her in encouragement.
“Yeah, that she does.”
School was starting soon, and Joel would have less time with her, so he was savoring these little moments, just as their family. Just the three of them. Joel still felt you here, present with him in these ways, even after all these years. 
2003 marked 7 years since your death, and every day Sarah grew to look more like you.
Now those memories come back to haunt me
They haunt me like a curse
Is a dream a lie if it don't come true
Or is it something worse
That sends me down to the river
Though I know the river is dry
That sends me down to the river tonight
Down to the river
My baby and I
Oh, down to the river we ride
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SPOILER!!! Reader dies.
Thak you soooo muc for reading, i know my last fic and this one have been downers, and i gonna be honest, my final joel piece before leaving the fandom wil be bittersweet too ;-;
Thank you for all the love you've given me!!!
Taggint htose whove expressed interest. I think. if i mistagged you im sorry!!! its late for me
@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @msjarvis @grogusmum @hiroikegawa @jennaispunk @fandxmslxt69 @sweetlummie
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bloopitynoot · 2 days
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Reading SVSSS: Chapter 16
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For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!
If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.
Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.
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Hello! Another day, another chapter!
I really don't have much to ramble about today, but I am back on my tea. This is a new one from the ren faire this year- vanilla chai with sugar and milk. The cup is from the same ren faire (but purchased last year).
let's go let's let's go- I am already impatient to get into this chapter.
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Last chapter we ended on a cliffhanger with Luo Binghe totally unconscious- we start this chapter with Shen QIngqiu ready to rescue his man and escape!
It's really so upsetting that he is going back to trash (two bar) spiritually energy in this body when he was so used to his mushroom Unlimited Power p65
RIP Luo Binghe's skull LOL he is really being tossed around like a rag doll. SQQ needs to be more careful. p66
MXTX said forget the only one bed trope, I raise you -> There Was Only One Coffin p67
Fuck. This is actually so scary 10/10 I would pee myself if a little skeletal arm was worming it's way into the coffin I was temporarily occupying (really anything in this book's reality would make me die of fright. as an aside I was talking to my partner about this while watching MDZS donghua yesterday, in the world of cultivators I would be a dumpling stall owner. I could never with the sword training and literal corpses). pp67-68
I CANT 'extenuating circumstances'. SQQ definitely: I just HAD to kiss his cute little forehead to save our lives. p68
i'm crying LOL "a person's abdomen is supposed to be the softest spot on their body, but Luo Binghe's was uncomfortably hard against Shen Qingqiu's stomach. The farther down he pulled him, the more he was sure that Luo Binghe had an eight-pack. Was that a rock slab down there?" p70
this keeps getting worse LMAO
OOOOO Meng Mo is back! Is it weird that I kind of love this guy? He has such a cool power and is a bit of a dick, but in the best and worst of ways. Him and Airplane give similar energy and I am not mad about it. p72
oh gosh! LBH is either "fatally ill" or "close to death" p72
wait- adding to the above point. he could also be mentally very unwell :( poor buddy -> it's likely this option. p72
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so even though SQQ is processing nothing , I think SQQ admitting (not naming the feeling but admitting) that he is feeling a mess of emotions about Luo Binghe is a big step for him! p73
Meng Mo seems to have a lot of feelings about LBH. I am not sure if it's just pride or what but whatever it is he is correct here, "The way this elder sees it, he (LBH) should either kill you (SQQ) or do you!" p74
PLEASE OH NO
I AM WHEEZING
+1000 Protagonist Satisfaction Points for touching LBH's "Heavenly Pillar" p76
IM DYING OH NO
WHY IS THIS EVEN A THOUGHT IF HE THINKS HE'S STRAIGHT "He couldn't exactly help Luo Binghe jerk off under these circumstances, right?!" p76 But like if not these circumstances he is cool with doing it in other circumstances???????????
oh no! SQQ blocking the blades with his bare hand for LBH p79
Dang. the Old Palace Master has been through some shit. p80
Are we getting more of Shen jiu's story??? We have Qiu Haitang here too! p81 (just as an aside because my notes did not revisit this, we do not get more of his story just weird little hints. That I hope Shang Qinghua clears up later). p81
What a terrible combo. Old Palace master is just butthurt Luo Binghe doesn't want him as a teacher or to marry his daughter and Qiu Haitang seems to be just a vile woman with a grudge against SQQ for some reason. pp82-83
Okay but as horrible as OPM is, that cultivation he's doing with his voice is kind of cool. p85
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Wait. Did the Old Palace Master have a thing for Su Xiyan? This is so fucking weird for LBH and he's not even conscious pp86-87
reading further the above point got so much worse omg :(((((((((((( I'm so upset for Su Xiyun. p87
It got even worse with the implications of what it meant for Luo Binghe in that sect. That terrible terrible man deserved that horrifying death. Fuck that guy! pp 89-90
OMG SQQ, basically half dead carrying LBH, barely got away from the death flower room, and here we have Tianglang-jun back on his bullshit. p94
SQQ is in such a bad state :o pp94-95
Is this another dime??? Our demon blood piggy bank for SQQ is now at $0.40 p97
YAY! Luo Binghe is awake! (is he going to be okay mentally though??)p 99
Why is Luo Binghe so mad? Like this man just nearly died trying to get you the fuck out of there p100
Fucking finally okay, it got better LBH is realizing what SQQ did while he was unconscious pp102-103
I'm glad they cleared that up (even though there was the other added miscommunication about LBH thinking SQQ was crying when he was actually just in a fuck ton of pain). p104
I am actually so glad that the discussion was interrupted before LBH found out about the dick touching being real LOL p108
MORE DEMON BLOOD. -> SQQ's dime bank is at $0.50
How many times does this man get kidnapped?
We really ended with him being kidnapped again and with Luo Binghe being conned by his own dad. That was so rough. -500 dignity points (not really but it sure feels like it)
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Make Me Write ask answered
162 📖 for @inell!
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When they arrive at the fire station, Eddie is indeed in rough shape. Scratched, damp, and wearing a heating blanket. 
“Buck, why is my dad dressed like a baked potato?” Chris asks nervously when he sees him. 
Eddie is sitting in the back of an ambulance, looking a little sleepy. The other paramedic - the one that isn’t Chimney - is talking to him. 
“It’s keeping him warm,” Buck explains. “Why don’t you go see him? That’ll make him even warmer.”
“DAD!” Chris calls out, heeding Buck’s advice. He picks up his pace a little in Eddie’s direction. 
“CHRISTOPHER!” Eddie calls back once he sees him. He hops out of the ambulance, dropping the warming blanket, and runs across the engine bay floor towards his son. When he reaches him, he scoops him up into the biggest, tightest, most loving hug Buck has ever seen. Buck honestly feels a little choked up, watching it. 
He doesn’t want to intrude on their moment, so he hangs back, holding onto Christopher’s backpack. After a minute of this hug, of Eddie speaking quietly to his son, he finally looks in Buck’s direction. He sets Christopher down, strides over to where Buck is, and hugs him too. Just quick, with a clap on the back, but it’s still a hug. It catches Buck off-guard a little.
“Thank you,” Eddie says emphatically. “Thank you so much for taking care of him.”
“No problem, really,” Buck says when Eddie pulls away. “Chris kept me in line. Made sure I knew the right answers to American history. Really he did me a favor.”
Eddie’s smile in response is practically glowing. “I owe you one, man.”
“Hey, don’t mention it. Just glad you’re okay.” Buck says. “Is Carla good? I couldn’t reach her either.”
Eddie nods. “Her dad isn’t well. She was visiting him today.”
“Oh,” Buck replies. “That’s… That’s too bad.”
Eddie takes a deep breath. “Listen, man, can I buy you a beer sometime? As a thank you?”
Buck… Well, for some reason, even though it’s totally not necessary, Buck really likes the sound of that.
“Yeah,” Buck nods. “Yeah, that’d be great. My number should be in your phone from when I tried to call you.”
“Perfect,” Eddie smiles. 
x.
It’s way too much fun. 
Buck meets Eddie at a sports bar. They grab beers. Watch a game. It’s probably the most fun Buck’s had in a while. Without work or a kid in between them, they connect as just people. And it turns out, they connect pretty well. They have a similar sense or humor and like a lot of the same things. Eddie listens when Buck goes on accidental tangents about subjects he finds interesting. Buck is genuinely delighted with stories about Christopher. They just sort of… Mesh?
By the end of the night, they’re making plans to hang out again, and Buck’s stomach can’t quite shake a fluttery, swooping feeling. Something that he’s only really felt before… Well, on dates. 
Which is strange for Buck because, well… Eddie is a man? And Buck didn’t know that another man could make him feel that way. 
Which probably means… Something. 
xi.
Buck and Eddie manage to hang out two more times by themselves, and once with Christopher, even, before the world shuts down. And Buck goes from the exciting thrill of a new friend/maybe crush to working alone in an empty library, filling online orders, and putting them in sterile pickup areas, with nothing at all to look forward to. 
It’s awful. It’s depressing. Buck genuinely struggles to get out of bed in the morning for the entire month of April. 
His sister is pregnant, and she can’t even stay with Chimney because of the risk. She’s alone. Buck’s alone. Everyone is boxed off from each other. 
They keep in contact. Eddie and Buck. Text. Social media. Buck does a few virtual homework help sessions with Chris out of working hours. But it’s weird. It’s like they almost had a friendship or something, and it just kind of gets stalled. 
All the nothingness means Buck has time. On and off work. He has nothing but time. It reminds him of the early years of his undergrad, where the coursework wasn’t challenging or interesting enough to keep his mind busy. He’d had to find ways to fill the time. Partying. Drinking. Sex. Working out. Those had been his options, then. Apart from working out, he doesn’t want to replicate the rest in a global pandemic. Which means Buck is left with way more hours to fill than even in undergrad. 
And he’s a librarian. So… One of the things he does to avoid going crazy? He reads. He researches. He learns. And one of the things he starts going all in on learning about? Human sexuality and attraction. Because the distance from Eddie doesn’t make Buck stop thinking about him. Doesn’t quell the curiosity, the thinking. The excitement each time a notification from Eddie lights up his phone. So Buck researches, and he tries to figure himself out. 
So, in the middle of a pandemic, where everyone is quarantined, and Buck is completely alone, he discovers he’s bisexual. Stellar timing. Really great work. Had he uncovered this little tidbit of identity earlier in his life? Maybe he’d be quarantining with a boyfriend or a husband or something cool like that. Since he’s historically fumbled all the women in his life. Who is he kidding? He’ll probably be the same with dudes. But until proven otherwise, he imagines he’ll be very smooth.
So. Bisexual. Alone in his studio apartment. Living through an unprecedented global emergency. Kind of thirsting over a man he won’t be able to see for months, and who he doesn’t even know is queer, so probably has no chance with. 
Buck is frustrated. 
He learns to cook. He buys a variety of plants. Tries and fails to learn to draw. Impulse adopts a cat; a Burmese he renames Begonia. Her previous name was Princess and to be honest she is way too relaxed for that designation. 
Nothing makes the sense of restlessness building in his chest go away. 
xii.
It’s late summer by the time he and Eddie can hang out again. At a distance. Outside, on a hike. Masks on if they get any closer. Eddie has a higher chance of infection on his job, and Buck wants to be safe. 
They fall back into their easy pattern of conversation and humor. It’s like whatever paused between them at the beginning of the year picks right back up without any issue. And Buck is relieved. Relieved and excited. Like they’re pointed towards a direction he hasn’t seen before, but is desperate to discover.
Buck tells Eddie all about the ever-changing library policies regarding the virus. Eddie tells Buck about childcare struggles. 
“With Carla caring for her dad full time, and my Abuela back in Texas, it’s been insane,” he admits. 
“And no aftercare programs at the library,” Buck says. 
“Or anywhere,” Eddie says. 
“Man, that’s rough. I’m sorry.”
“It’s… Well, single parenting is never easy. But global catastrophe certainly adds to it.”
“Hey, if-if I can help…” Buck offers, a little aimlessly. 
Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Is the library open to visitors yet?”
“Well, no,” Buck admits. “Soon, hopefully? But I mean, I can ask the head librarian - Janine - if he can, uh, sneak in. Masked up, of course.” “I mean, if he could. That’d be really helpful. He could do class from there, right?” Eddie asks. ”Only if it wouldn’t put you out!”
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excelsior9173 · 8 months
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wow today was…. a day
i had a nice gentle morning, got the morning papers/flyers, made a plan to get groceries because there were a lot of good sales. Got a load of laundry done, i was feeling so good!
and then as soon as i left the house to do my shop my body decided to protest violently and i was sore and absolutely drained by the time i got home
then my mental health went weird? today was a struggle with the intrusive thoughts and just generally feeling low. idk what happened my day started so well
but now i’m in a weird funk that i know will be helped by sleeping, and i have to be up early for work, but i do not want to sleep. like i feel almost afraid to close my eyes. think i’m worried my brain will continue to torture me
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one thing about ik is that she will always reach out
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shinesurge · 13 days
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I love webcomics as a concept absolutely to pieces but genuinely I'm fascinated by how much this medium seems to be almost corrosive to us working in it. I'm probably just looking at it too close because it's what's in front of me but I wonder if we really do have more weird drama than other indie art scenes just because like, a lot of us are already mentally ill, then comics is such a punishing medium itself that the usual amount of social tension that comes from posting art online is cranked even higher. As someone with one of the Scary Social Disorders, basically everything about the way the social media spheres for webcomics operate is triggering to me and I'm positive the only thing that kept me from becoming an internet star for the day (Bad) at some point was that I chose to quit socializing in dedicated comic spaces and get therapy years ago instead of trying to stay in the thick of it lmao. Not everybody ends up having to make such a black and white decision so most people just keep hanging out in the pot until it boils.
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floral-hex · 7 months
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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shatterthefragments · 19 days
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I’m becoming who I’m meant to be, slowly.
I’m inhabiting my body as a home as I make it such that it is a home for me.
💖😌✨
Also it’s a lovely studio! Masks required, hepa filters running, quiet area, but still near a bus route, was quiet once some of the people left (my artist was also super surprised that all of the tables were in use when they arrived at the shop too!!) and even though we didn’t chat (they put in their faq basically that they often forget to chat so bring headphones or whatever to do while they work) it wasn’t awkward or anything. It felt like such a safe space and I adore it so much :) (and it’s more local to get to than the other one that I’m definitely also going to go back to too at some point hopefully this year) (yay local queer owned covid cautious studios!!!!!)
#shatters’ tattoos#shatters’ fragments#ok time to eat something else#bc it’s been a while since my last meal even if I took breaks while tattoo#had a juice box for the first break before we drew the plant in there#and then before we did my leg while they were printing out the design I had a granola bar and water#and then afterwards I had a chocolate bar and another juice box and water#and then for the buses home I just had some water between buses but considered if I wanted a fourth juice box today but I didn’t really#but now I’m a bit hungry#today was fucking WEIRD at first#like popping in real quick to work?!?#class!! which I’m actually SUPER EXCITED for and about its great so far#and then walked around with a classmate who’s probably now my friend and popped into a bookstore#but it was super hot by then too#so I went off to get close to the studio#and had sushi in the shade of the parking lot before walking over#and trying to like. drink water and stay hydrated before going in#was definitely intimidated by how many people were in the shop at first#they said that it was highly unusual for all chairs/tables to be in use at once#(and they own the place!!)#but it’s such a lovely and welcoming space tbh#I’ve been to the studio once before for a market#but this is the first time I’ve been while it’s set up as a tattoo studio (it’s usual use)#and it’s just so good 💖#truly made my day really nice at the end#finally got to cool down quite a bit once I was sitting still and then laying down for the tattoos#(…actually I’m a little annoyed I paid $9 for coffee this morning actually but alas anyway)#and it was just. SO NICE#similar vibes but like cozier than the other shop I go to#it has less tables and its more private and accessibility is a huge thing there
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hairydykecunt · 2 months
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i have this weird thing where i want ppl to be really nice to me and pet me and etc but like, i know that’s not possible, at least for me, cause no ones ever gonna see me as a cat. i’m just some guy asking for attention, not this cat you spotted and wanna call over, i am just never gonna feel as innocent as i want to. it hurts so fucking bad
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buglaur · 2 years
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so no macmahons? *breaks skateboard*
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you're so sweet awe 🥺 soon anon dw!! not tomorrow, but it'll return saturday 😌 here's some completely unedited screenshots for posts i need to edit in the meantime to satiate your need
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look at the lil guy omgggmg
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