#toxic is self-explanatory
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you know what, adding toxic, beautiful madness and mamma mia to the DM playlist
#i dont have my own dm playlist YET#but once i do!#'why did you swallow down my poison now im your number one fan'#'feels like never enough. dont you know that you are the baddest. my love my love my love'#toxic is self-explanatory#mamma mia is the bad decision going back to your ex song for louis and daniel<3 to me#devil's minion#iwtv#i need to make an edit to toxic sksks#and/or beautiful madness#i just *clenches fist* need more armandaniel scenes assaaad give them to me
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𝐍𝐎. 𝟒 ❛ 𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐬 ❜ | RIVA DORATA, TARTOSA, MAY 1998
For a time, Renzo maintained a strict division between the life he shared with Leonor and the professional existence that adjoined it. This was the only thing he was strict about—at least, in theory, for a transient moment, until he devolved into a more comfortable, equivocal laxity about that, too.
[narrative continued, long as hell, below ↓]
𝟭𝟵𝟵𝟰 🅐🅤 ‣ start \ prev \ next (film fest) \ next (au story)
big thank you to the cameos in this one which apparently ended up being a glimpse everyone except siri's ?? sorry girl ! apologies there isn't more screen time or dialogue in this post, but stay tuned ♥️
@armoricaroyalty @theroyalsofcorrilea @earthmoonz @crvptydgaming @houseofrenaldi @simsishh @nilonne @crownsofesha
lastly: i am way too tired to do a proper Author's Note and will surely edit this when i am fully conscious and embarrassed by it BUT in the meantime, well, enjoy and let me know what you think! channeling the energy of jfk jr & carolyn public quarrel pics meets 90 day fiance meets every industry couple ever complaining about work travel … this is only a slice of the diversity of careful research that went into this nonsense … astonishing, amusing, bizarre findings. & i arbitrarily chose 1998 but feel like it should be earlier ...'96-97' perhaps … lastly 2x, hilarious to me that all of this drama is because Leonor Learned Creating Nepo Babies Is Hard Work, Actually—
CONTINUED:
Their departure from Uspana wasn’t a calculated decision so much as an abrupt flight with no thought spared as to what it meant for his career. It had, after all, panned out in the past. Dropping everything was a convenient reset button he could and did smash at will: Petunia to Los Angeles, Los Angeles to Nakawe, Nakawe to New York. This was just another chapter—a third act. How and when it took shape didn’t matter. Money wasn’t an issue. Even if it were, the demands and specifications of Leonor’s lifestyle were so extravagant that the shape of this new life slipped into her hands, or her purse, as it were. They learned that the hard way, but it was for the best. Renzo could return calls from agents and producers and photographers and journalists and designers and everyone else eager for a piece of him when he felt like it. They wouldn’t stop calling, and he wouldn’t care if they ever did.
As a passenger on this journey, Leonor watched how he moved with bewilderment. His lackadaisical disposition wasn’t new to her. Everyone theorized about him for good reason. Was it a persona—the coolness that kept his celebrity star on the rise? Or, if he was like that, how to account for the many incidents where he patently was not? Was he the unruly partier, the defiant miscreant, the reflective artist, the bashful everyman he seemed to be? He was all of it, Leonor knew: apathetic, easygoing, impetuous, and temperamental; motivated by hardheaded opinions, reckless disregard, and a pernicious yet constantly frustrated need to go unnoticed. It was a compelling archetype for someone like him. Aloof actors with turbulent insides were a Hollywood favorite. So, her concern ebbed and flowed. She had chosen to follow him on the conviction that they needed nothing except the other’s attention and affection. It was a romantic fantasy, but it was also an effective guard against meddling. It wasn’t her business because she didn’t have business anymore, and that wouldn't be a bad thing. It was good, in fact. It was exactly what she wanted. More than a want, it had been a necessity.
Yet, as time passed, she itched to pounce on the crumbs of information he left scattered. She heard snippets of calls he took. She listened to him mull over opportunities, grumbling to himself about considerations she didn’t understand. His money was less orderly than hers—not tied up in property and investments, except for the house he maintained for his parents—but she could see how it came and went. What exactly he did once he agreed to a job and humbled himself to be bound by legalese, she wasn’t sure. Although he talked about it in opaque ways, and she asked fumbling if earnest questions, her technical understanding came from overheard conversations with his peers. She met them on occasion, the many colleagues with whom he shared projects or just a profession. They all passed whatever test he required to access his leisure time and all possessed eccentricities that, for her, put his own in perspective. They were strange people. Nonetheless, the full picture remained far from complete, refusing to cohere, just beyond her grasp.
Leonor did know more than she had at the beginning, when they made a hotel suite home for three weeks and insulated themselves from the realities waiting beyond its walls. They needed a house. They needed something to do. They needed more money, probably. They needed more drugs and definitely needed more of the greasy takeout noodles they gleefully devoured in the plush hotel bed when they remembered to eat. As details of their new life finally began to solidify, she ventured a question, wondering aloud, “I thought you were going to do that film?” Renzo had been lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, scratching his fingertips against the thick rug fibers beneath his hands. As she sat down and lifted his head into her lap, he replied, “Pulled out.” They had snickered, and that was it.
Things changed fast. Their aspiration had been to rent a cool house for storing art and entertaining friends, not to build a nest for a family. At first, Leonor’s concern bubbled over. She envisioned another day-long flight back to Uspana, much of it to be spent in the tiny closet that passed for a restroom. That wasn’t what she wanted. Yet, her first reaction was a sudden, overwhelming desire for home. It didn’t take very long to sour that longing with hard truths. What she wanted didn’t exist anymore. There had been a world where she might have rushed home and into her mother’s waiting arms. Safya would know what to say as she stroked Leonor’s hair, and she would share memories of her own that Leonor had never heard before. She would insist it was natural to be terrified and, worse, distressed by a small seed of secret joy. Safya had a way of speaking with such sunny yet serious warmth that made the harshness of one’s troubles easier to face. ‘Just wrap your arms around it,’ she often murmured. ‘No worry is bigger than you.’ And that—that would provide an ideal break for Leonor to anguish over the inevitability of becoming even bigger. It wouldn’t be a joke, not really, but they would laugh together, and then Safya would hide her rueful understanding behind the comforting lie that everything would be okay.
Leonor never questioned how important their family was to him, but she did question even now whether he understood what it meant to have one. Neither of his parents had been the doting type. That seemed to motivate him as much as it hindered him. He took an enthusiastic yet solemn approach to the best and worst of parenting, and she delighted in those moments when something Gael or Liliana did left him wonderstruck. It was the small, unremarkable things: Gael’s insistent, matter-of-fact babbling while they played; Liliana’s drowsy, bemused blinking as she awoke from an unplanned nap in an unexpected location; the intoxicating scent they each had as newborns, one best inhaled while nuzzling their soft spots. Before Gael arrived, he spent many evenings chewing cigarillos with a pregnancy book in one hand while the other rubbed circles into her back. She would see his furrowed brow cast in lamplight when she invariably rolled over and back again, uncomfortable in her body but at least soothed by the sight.
While her mother’s hands-on parenting meant she had tender memories of her infant brothers, Renzo was an only child. ‘My experience with babies starts when you pop that out,’ was his frank summary. She had assured him then that they would figure it out together and, now, she had become increasingly aware of what figuring remained. Leonor wasn’t quite naive enough to believe everyone had a personal banker responsible for managing their sprawling, complex maze of bequeathed family wealth. Yet, having her own children alerted her to how unnatural that was. Even her own trustee offered what was perhaps his first unsatisfying response when she asked him to help. ‘My hands are tied, my princess. I was appointed by your mother, with the Crown’s permission, and your son, well …’ Leonor had cleared her throat to stop him from stumbling through the words. She knew well enough. Like an organ removed from its body, she was weakened, enfeebled, isolated and drained by the separation.
Renzo, of course, laughed at the situation. ‘You want a trust fund for him? Okay, sure. Fine. Paperwork for a baby. Don’t cry over it! Jesus. Some kids don’t have fucking food to eat, you know.’ She did know that, but she had wanted to shout at him, so she said something provocative. It wasn’t hard to devolve into personal attacks; how could she be blamed for not having a “real job” when he was a “failed musician” who “played pretend” for a living? Why was this “piddling princessy bullshit” his problem when she spent thousands monthly on “dumb shit” no one cared about? When one didn’t understand something said, they took a break to mock each other’s accents. Those were the light fights that ended in better-natured laughter.
On the worst occasion, they had stomped upstairs together, Leonor nearly knocking him down on the way, to begin an inventory of ‘useless junk no one cares about.’ Later, they both wept when she returned to the scene and started fretting over his broken records and the gaping holes in her canvases. They exchanged apologies and made promises, including the charming ‘pinky swears’ whose foreign absurdity easily cracked her scowl with laughter. If nothing else, their hard and fast reconciliations almost made it all worthwhile—or, that was the delirious conclusion Leonor’s mind would drift toward before she heard a familiar echo in her memory. Renzo had his own unpleasant cacophony of recollections. They locked their fingers, stifled any leftover giggles, and promised, among other things, to remember that their innocent, curious, impressionable child deserved better memories.
His hiatus didn’t drag on forever, and it was Leonor who called Sharon Greenwater—with Renzo’s blessing—to ensure it had an end in sight. She had never met Sharon, even though she had helped her land this job. The onslaught of attention that associating with a princess on her home turf heaped onto his already high profile necessitated it. He thought otherwise but, not for the first time, took a leap of faith. It had flattered her that he accepted her advice. On paper and in her immature mind, that was the only smart move. There were entire worlds he knew better than she ever would, and he had packed more experience into the near-decade he had on her than most people did in a lifetime. But this? ‘This is what I know,’ she had insisted. He listened better when they were eye to eye, skin to skin. He was less wise than she was, less of a professional, but more emotional. If she used the same tone and touched him the same way sometime later, saying, ‘Remember? You promised me,’ then he melted and caved.
This strategy worked well after another blockbuster argument and the marathon reconciliation that followed. Renzo had shot down her proposal to let the clan mothers back home rename their baby. Even as she pitched the idea, explaining in a prim and credible way that it could unlock a portfolio of “lucrative coffee estates” in a “scenic provincial sector” of Uspana for Gael to inherit “as a start,” she watched his expression slide from curiosity to revulsion to a look of amusement that riled her up faster than any words could. ‘Are you fucking crazy? Are you out of your goddamn mind?’ They talked over one another and lowered themselves, this time slinging mud in the form of class-based insults. Leonor called him something vile, a niche derogation about going barefoot whose heft back home she promptly prayed he wouldn’t understand. But, he did—enough to insist she had effectively “tarred her own kid” with the same stain, which was why her “family of leeches” thought inheriting “nothing but poverty” would suit him just fine. ‘He’s not even a Reyes. You made damn sure of that, didn’t you? You did that! Boo-fucking-hoo.’ What could she say to that? She picked up her cup from the coffee table and threw its contents at him, letting it hit the ground after the satisfying split-second splash. She left him soaked and, standing there with his bare feet, surrounded by thick chunks of broken crystal glassware.
He later found her upstairs in bed on the telephone with her brother. She was already speaking in a hushed tone but hurried to end the call as the wooden steps finished their tell-tale creaking. Renzo lingered, waiting until she returned the receiver to its cradle and beckoned him over. She murmured the regards Mateo sent him, patted the bed, and didn’t resist when he pulled her closer, over one outstretched leg, squarely into his lap. It worked for her. After all, she didn’t look at him until after he had begun to talk.
He offered an apology, an earnest explanation, and his own proposal. The answer was to return Sharon Greenwater’s calls, but his resistance to that wasn’t altogether dissimilar from his resistance to submitting, infant-first, to the harsh glare of Uspana’s spotlight and her family’s scrutiny. Unlike his colleagues and peers and unwanted fans, they wouldn’t be generous. The sensitive little boy inside of him was well-used to insults that attacked those flaws and deformities he couldn’t change. That little boy felt just as protective of the one they now shared, too—felt empathetic, having learned the bittersweet lesson that too much attention could hurt just as much as too little.
Leonor chose to look at him as he began to weave these concerns together for her. Did she know how often he still felt fright and panic living within himself like a parasite? He could numb it or run from what fed it, but he couldn’t kill it. Interviews and critiques, Hollywood or the House of Tecuani, fame or family, it was the same. ‘I don’t do this for my health,’ he’d chuckled, gesturing in the direction of his own bedside where bottles and bags and an overflowing ashtray sat. He kept tapes there: live shows of discordant, frenetic jazz and blues rock that she could hear through his headphones when he laid there, still and serene, at peace like the dead.
When he initially told her about his first major film premier, he’d only said he didn’t watch it. He left after one scene, he claimed, to go chain smoke on a stoop outside one of the service doors instead. Only, it sounded like sly proof of nonchalance back then. She had been too busy picturing what he looked like in those days, harboring a newfound desire to make him watch his cheesy romantic comedy with her, and taking note of the fact that she could have fit in seamlessly with those “teenybopper” crowds he had so disdained. Now, she understood. Her response sounded soft but solemn as she assured him, ‘You don’t have to worry about that. I want to be there with you. It’s the one thing in the world I know how to do. Just let me.’
So, Sharon Greenwater, a jack-of-all-trades agent with a wide network and a bullish demeanor, reentered his life. He liked her for some reasons he had liked Leonor: she was mean and honest, she never let herself be wrong, and she let him believe his choices were indeed his own. Though, there were exceptions. She found The Last Con for him around the same time that he finished reading Yuling Zhao’s latest script. Leonor, observing from the outside, wasn’t surprised that his agent begged him to sign onto a guaranteed money-maker helmed by a certified industry darling while he drifted toward an artsy period drama penned by a friend. Sharon wasn’t surprised either. She tried the “veggies-and-dessert” approach. If he gravitated toward soulful projects, she reminded him those “empty safes” required a big deposit. ‘Come on. You know the drill. Buck the fuck up, buttercup, right?’ He scrawled his name on contracts for high-concept advertisements and low-commitment television cameos when the bargaining was done. This time, what did surprise Leonor was his quick compromise. He was on the phone with Sharon for a follow-up to discuss the two options when he heaved a heavy sigh and exclaimed, ‘Fuck it, let’s do both.’ That gave Sharon pause, too, apparently. After a few beats, he told her he was sure. He said he missed feature lengths. He said the workload would be fine. ‘Baptism by fire,’ he said. ‘I’ll be fucking born again, baby. These dumbass dimwits love that.’
Having been eavesdropping, Leonor experienced a pang of trepidation on the heels of her initial excitement. She was relieved but suspected his success would not be so simple for herself and, even more, their family. That pang became recurrent, and her unease reached a crescendo when his looming absence cast a dark shadow over unexpected news of a second baby. That shock felt different this time—not wholly unpleasant, not wrapped far too tightly in fear and uncertainty—but still inspired mixed feelings in them both. For her part, Leonor didn’t harbor those original worries about his reaction and their relationship. It wasn’t hard to see how another child would fit into a life that was already molding around an infant. What was hard to envision was spending so much of that months-long wait alone. She had acquired her own local art scene connections, ingratiated herself with Renzo’s long-standing friends in the city, returned ignored voicemails from his mother, and never hesitated to rack up telephone bills for international calls.
None of it would be enough.
That was what she lamented on the eve of his departure to San Francisco, which sounded ridiculous even to her ears. Her plaintive tone did bother him. That she sounded so forlorn while she sat rubbing yet another coat of body butters and oils into her belly didn’t help. She lacked the energy to argue. Doing so might have given her a jolt of agitation that could dispel the distress for a few wasted minutes. Instead, they fell quiet. It was tension, not peace, that filled the room as he continued tossing random items into his suitcase. ‘Don’t bring that! You can buy more when you get there,’ she thought of complaining. ‘Do you need to smoke that right now?’ she could have asked or, better yet, accused. Worse, it occurred to her that she could have stabbed him directly: ‘You didn’t even ask me to come with you. I know why—a hundred reasons, probably, skinny little brunettes and blondes and those ugly red hairs—’ While she stewed, he crammed in clothes that were already wrinkled alongside dirty boots and dog-eared paperbacks. She gritted her teeth as he threw in a handful of her candy. His thoughts boiled down to a simple kind of refrain: ‘This is what you wanted, Leonor.’
Instead, once the bag was closed, he returned to her with a resolute look on his face. Sinking to his knees at the bedside, he took over the gentle massaging that made their hands slick and sweetly scented. She could tell he had something to say, and she had picked out several of her own opening lines. In theory, she would swallow her apprehension and offer him one like a blooming flower or a white flag. He saved her the trouble. ‘If it’s too hard, just come, okay? Bring Gael, whatever. If you can’t, I’ll come to you. It’s easy. If it’s not, I don’t give a shit. Doesn’t work for them? Maybe the stars are just aligned wrong, or whatever the fuck, this time, and we try again.’ Leonor couldn’t suppress her grin, and she didn’t try to suppress her excited follow-up, one whose harmless absurdity made him laugh. ‘No, no, no! You behave, and I’ll be brave,’ she replied. ‘Because I really, really, really want to go to Tartosa with you next year!’
TRANSCRIPT:
[Chatter, cameras shuttering]
[Photographers shouting]
TYLER | Here comes another big one! Renzo Ledford is no stranger to Tartosa’s biggest event, but he is doing double duty this year. It’s the first time for Leonor Reyes. How exciting!
TYLER | —and this is the first time we’ve seen you right here, isn’t it? RENZO | Here? Well, yeah, here.
TYLER | Right, on this landing, where the cameras are. You’ve attended the festival some over the years, but you sure do a great job of dodging us. I’d love to know how we missed you last time! RENZO | Fishing boats.
[Seagull calls, indistinct conversations, clattering, splashing water, miscellaneous overlapping market sounds]
TYLER | Oh! [Chuckles] Um, I see, you mean—? RENZO | She wanted the grand entry—Right? Come on, you did. Don’t be bashful—but me? What you do is hitch a ride on the fishing boats.
[Loud, snorting laughter]
RENZO | See? Great guys, to a man, honestly. Fascinating work. And I could sorta blend in, you know? Incognito. But this one? TYLER | [Laughs] Not as fit for a princess as the luxury speedboats?
LEONOR | I just thought he should have the full experience for once. TYLER | Film week in Tartosa is a special experience! Lots of traditions, lots of attractions, lots of locals and fans, lots of— RENZO | Lots of horsesh—Marketing. Not a natural-born salesman. I just say my lines, but they tell me that doesn’t cut it anymore.
TYLER | [Laughs] I’d say I’m sorry I made you share your secret, but RENZO | Yeah, uh uh, alright, it happens. Let’s go. Thanks.
RENZO | What? Are you upset? LEONOR | No. I feel like I should apologize. RENZO | For that? Hey, look, Sharon’ll handle it— LEONOR | Will she? Should she?
You’re not listening! Do you walk your ass in here to piss me off? Is that your goal, because I swear to—You! It’s you. You get off my ass! No, you! You aren’t even lazy, but you are screwed up in the head, and I—SHARON! RENZO! You. Have. Contractual. Obligations. Do you want me to spell it out for you? Say it slower? Smack some sense into you? Fuck them. And you. No, no, not on the table. We can’t even ask nicely. They’ll say no second date. Fuck ‘em! Tear them up. You’re on the hook. So what! Bill me! Jesus. Bill you? Why, I ought to—Cancel. Make something up. There are contracts. Contracts! So, get me out of ‘em. Are you deaf and stupid? We will be sued! Yeah, okay! What the everloving fuck do I pay you for? To bitch at me? I got a mother, alright? Here we go. Get rid of the goddamn contracts. What in the hell do I look like? A prostitute? I’m not wasting my time eye-fucking some camera on a foreign beach to sell, what, wristwatches or boat shoes or whatever overpriced yuppie shit—Cologne. What? Cologne and wine. Underwear, maybe, but—SHARON!
You keep your nose clean when you come in here. Oh, you think—? [Laughs] All me! Stone cold. Work on that, okay? You are a menace. Are you crazy? Pretty does not work on me. Or everyone, you know. Oh, I know. You think I don’t know? I’m serious as a heart attack.
She thinks I’m pretty. Ain’t that sweet of her? Your … whatever he is to you, Leonor, he’s a fucking asshole. You damn right. Go take a lap. Bring me a coffee, hold the spit. Or something stronger. They sent gift bottles for us. Fucking nasty European frou-frou bullshit—[Sharon laughs] See, that’s why they want him. He’s such a talented actor. It’s so believable. Go on, talk your shit to her, Sharon—[Snickering] ‘Eye-fucking the camera.’ He knows good and well, doesn’t he, Miss Reyes? He knows what God put him on this earth to do. He‘s just a little pissy about it, that’s all. I don’t blame him. Maybe you have to be a son-of-a-bitch in those boots.
LEONOR | I get it. Or, actually: I, of all people, should know better. RENZO | No … No, fuck, you’re right. You are. We talked about this—more than once. ‘Behave and be brave.’
“Renzo laughed at the situation. ‘You want a trust fund for him? Okay, sure. Fine. Paperwork for a baby. Don’t cry over it! Jesus. Some kids don’t have fucking food to eat, you know.’ She did know, but she had wanted to shout at him, so she provoked him. It wasn’t hard to devolve into personal attacks; how could she be blamed for not having a ‘real job’ when he was a ‘failed musician’ who ‘played pretend’ for a living? Why was this ‘piddling princessy bullshit’ his problem when she ‘set piles of cash on fire’ every single month for ‘no damn good reason’? When one didn’t understand something said, they took a break to mock each other’s accents. Those were the light fights that ended in better-natured laughter.”
“On the worst occasion, they had stomped upstairs together, Leonor nearly knocking him down on the way, to begin an inventory of ‘useless junk no one cares about.’ Later, they both wept when she returned to the scene and started fretting over his broken records and the gaping holes in her canvases. They exchanged apologies and made promises, including the charming ‘pinky swears’ whose foreign absurdity easily cracked her scowl with laughter. If nothing else, their hard and fast reconciliations almost made it all worthwhile—or, that was the delirious conclusion Leonor’s mind would drift toward before she heard a familiar echo in her memory. Renzo had his own unpleasant cacophony of recollections. They locked their fingers, stifled any leftover giggles, and promised, among other things, to remember that their innocent, curious, impressionable child deserved better memories.”
He has so much, Nora. I wish you could see that. I do. But, I want him to have everything.
You don't think I do? I think … You know better than that. Hilarious. It’d sure as shit be easier if that was true.
—So, maybe, I’m being unrealistic. What? Why? I can’t have it only my way. If not “only,” then—No, I understand. I should adapt. I have a perfect life with everything I could want, but it’s not what I thought my life would be like, so I find reasons to be unhappy. With me? It’s not. It’s … What you represent. [Whistles] Really? Wow. Brutal. Not like that! Just … We would be so good, if we were one person. Yeah? Yes. But I want so much. I shouldn’t. And, I won’t give anything up. Neither will I. But, you have, though. And so have you.
Money problems destroy people—marriages, families, and—Yes, I know, so I—Shh. Let me finish. We do not have money problems, Leonor. You know when I realized that was behind me? No… When I had time to sit around and worry about my problems. If you are really, truly fucked in life, you can’t afford to whine and wallow. Wallow? Yeah. Like… You know, a pig. Oh, what? No, no. How disgusting. I wouldn’t ever—No, I meant—never mind. You get me? Yes. We have to be one person, in a way. I didn’t let you do anything, but I kinda did, so all of these growing pains are my responsibility. That’s funny. No, that can’t be true. I’m not the baby here. You’re not overreacting, I swear to God. You had a whole world at your beck and call. And now? Helluva a downgrade. Just me. No: us. Us.
So, what, I don’t have to make a budget now? No cuts? [Scoffs] No, you need to do some math—get a platinum calculator or something, for fuck’s sake. [Laughs] Really, do you know how much money you blow? So do you. Not like you. Oh, my things are silly and yours are good, practical purchases? Is that it? Do you know how many shoes you’ve gotten, just this month? Shoes are practical. You can’t play a dozen guitars differently; it’s just toys. What? What? The hell … Do we gotta rethink this “us” thing already? [Leonor chuckles]
RENZO | It was those fuckers. Parasites, a whole hive waiting on us. LEONOR | They’re doing their jobs. We do ours. Symbiotic, actually. RENZO | Uh huh. What I was saying is, I messed up. Simple as that. LEONOR | You did mess up. RENZO | [Chuckles] Ah—That’s a freebie. I’m all out of mea culpas now. LEONOR | You love to apologize to me. RENZO | We skip the handshake line, we can go do that instead.
RENZO | Would you believe that back there was being nice? LEONOR | [Snorts] No, of course not. RENZO | Good, since I wasn’t. I’ll try next time—play ball, all that shit.
LEONOR | You promise? A pinky swear? On Gael and Lili? RENZO | Hell no! [Laughter]
#your honor this kind of toxicity is healthful actually#like gwyneth paltrow or raw milk#so many thoughts#mainly that the black and blue is unexplained#but like. if that's how he talks to people he LIKES ...#lmao self explanatory actually#renzo canceled for the 3rd (?) time#at least it's not for saying Pussy (derogatory) this time#so much face-holding with them#in every post#what does it Mean ...
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to celebrate international womens day i have decided to turn all my ships into yuri‼️‼️‼️‼️
#neal nocturne is a twinky hesbian and him and carm meet when he gets his carabiner stuck on her fishnets#stewy helps kendall when shes first starting e for the first time in her life early 40s and stewys been bigender doll the whole time#hannigram self explanatory i think#macden mac is just the strongest stupidest butch uve ever seen in ur life and dennis lightbulb realises shes a woman#all the other yaoi im forgetting got woman beamed also#and shoutout to all my already lesbian ships i hold so dear to me#also everyone go watch bottoms 2023#also both seasons of hacks toxic yuri is coming back in a big way very soon#society if i just made all my post in my post instead of in the tags like a fucking twitter user#i really fell down a rabbit hole here#anyway#mrrow
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Ouhhhhghhhghgh post-Current Plot Beat fc!bfpico animatic to this..... rotates so hard
#pico recognizing the signs of developing mental illness amongst all issues concerning hitmen and monster and basic stuff like#moving and being able to afford groceries and stuff#'truth be told i'm treading on my tippy-toes / im painfully so worried about ray' worried abt making things worse again after#second time he abandoned him after smth....#'the future's out to get you / the future's out to get you all' paranoia. pure 'everything i touch dies' magical thinking shit#'i'm so tired of being worried about ray' self explanatory. also you and ys both budBDMAJSKQ#but ive alrrady established this as a toxic mindset pico can have... smth he needs to work through... needing to excercise patience#that he cant just Fix someone#(goes both ways hes also endlessly angry with himself that he hasnt been magically fixed by his partners yet lol)#anyway uwaaaawawa. rotates#💛#Youtube
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What to do if you have not shifted for +++years
(Most of my anons were along the lines of this same issue, I want to make a common post for them. I won't be telling you "you're already there" or "persist" I'm going to have a heart to heart conversation with your mental health in mind, this will be a long post)
First and foremost I have to say, this post is very heavily opinion-based. Alright, I'll divide it into topics, and two categories: before shifting and during shifting.
Before Shifting.
Determining the laws of your reality.
This is where you've got to do most of the work. (Don't worry, it won't be 7 hour subliminal listening sessions) now let's present a very important note: I don't know who you are. But most importantly I don't know what you believe in. Shifting isn't a known set of rules, Shifting doesn't have a single method, it does not have a wikihow page. Everything that exist is because of you. Therefore there are differences in my reality and yours. What you believe in is acting out in reality. LITERALLY.
So first you need to ask yourself some questions, with full honesty, oh and don't apply the thoughts you have by certain reprogramming affirmations, don't force yourself just because you have to persist.
"What am I?" What do you believe you are? Currently, are you a soul, a human? Or you something greater, seek within yourself to answer what you believe.
"What is reality?" How is everything working around you? Why are you here.
"Who is in control?" Who makes you shift. Who or what makes everything happen.
"How to shift?" Self explanatory. If you write with utmost truth on what you think shifting is like and when and how it happens; you'll basically have the code of how reality works for you.
Relax.
After you've gathered your research sheets. Take a breath, since you've got all the answers you need. Now, close your eyes, whenever you like. Imagine a serene atmosphere, for example, sharp sunlight falling on your skin, warming you up, or the rain droplets drowning your senses, as you run across a forest. Tell yourself, "this is what shifting is" , and "I've shifted." That's all it is. You feel some you get some.
Some important realizations,
• Time is not linear.
• Failure is a perception.
• You're not beneath anyone.
• You don't need to prove yourself to anyone.
• you'll survive, you'll be alright.
Don't. Kidnap. Yourself.
The title sounds weird, but it is regarding heavily applying the principle of assuming until you have it, to EVERYTHING. Idc if people come after me. I don't want anyone to suffer by stamping their foreheads with "persist!" Even if it works. I love loa, until it crosses over into toxic positively. Don't just put yourself in a coffin; don't become a prisoner to your thoughts! Don't make it feel like there's an angry witch in your mind, who will scream at you if something goes wrong, the problem is! Something might go wrong and you'd end up highlighting the idea that you are being forced to assume against something. Don't feel forced. Simple. (You can still use loa, if you like)
Declutter your mind.
I said it before. and @ilovecatfr explained this here, there's so much in your mind. I can tell. Each and everyone has their own unique spin on shifting. That's great and they put out advice to help people, similarly you... also have it within you. Afterall, these bloggers, big well written and decorated posts are the projection of your assumptions. I'd like to say, majority of the bloggers are kindhearted with the aim to help others. Although for some, you being desperate in their asks is an ego boost, nothing is wrong with feeling good about yourself for your knowledge, but you the person at the other end of this screen, are not a pawn, not just another anon, alright? you know how to shift, look back at what your answers were to the questions.
Control your emotions towards this reality.
I've always wanted to discuss this. Emotions are the puppeteers of this show. They're a grounding mechanism of any reality. If you feel something deeply, you're angry at circumstances you form an attachment to this reality, it keeps you here. Think about what happens to a person when they get disassociation. Similarly belief + emotional investment = reality. Its a code. I can confidently say anyone who has not shifted (... not targeting anyone, genuinely trying my best to help; ty ty back to the text) is because they're giving too much emotional importance to this reality. This can be in the form of stressing that you have not shifted, being worried that you're not in your dr, putting much focus on the "What ifs" of if you wake back in this reality.
But we can't just go BLANK. we're still humans who feel deeply (for now huehue) so what's the solution to this non-issue? Direct these feelings towards your destination, your intended reality! This would mean feeling like your dr self, if you're experiencing negative emotions you can last second convert them to any scenario related to your dr, emotional investment there pays well, here? It just wastes time.
Don't let feelings get the best of you and keep you here; you're their creator after all.
(Optional) Create a homey dr.
This comes from personal experiences. If I don't mention this I won't be completely open with each one of you. I shifted through intense love and reverence for my home. I knew that each and every second spent in this reality led up to me shifting to my home.
So for ease later on when you can't decide between drs, it'll be comforting to have a reality you can call home and choose over and over again.
Rewire.
This is where you come back to what you answered to the questions. Do you like your response? A human is living in a reality, and your answers are the universal law there. Will they have an easy time with shifting? If you think so, then choose to not do any "rewiring" and act upon the answers you wrote, shifting in accordance to them as they have become the pillars of your reality. If you think the person's reality's laws regarding shifting are complicated, then you can choose to rewire them. This can be a simple manifestation. As it has no basis in the 3D yet, you will manifest it within seconds. You can either write it down, listen to a subliminal, or simply think of the new beliefs in your head (eg "I shift in seconds") and let go. Stop.
(Severely optional) strive for spiritual awakenings
*shrugs* I thought I should mention based on personal experience.
During shifting.
Confuse your logical brain
You don't have to give it validation. Instead, just make it unable to predict the next move of it creator. Its built to look at everything with skepticism.. but it has nothing when you don't give it the chance. For example, the anti method by @hrrtshape is the best example. I like that you can do this, pre-method like a little warm up. (You can also manifest to not think logically)
Know your game
To act like you're in a battle field is not the way to shift. You don't have to give the actual practice of shifting much or any importance. You know how to shift, then why is there a need to have plan B's and checking your own environment? You are the commander in front, you're the one switching the reality, your reality is not the one switching.
Senses shift last
Explained by @stilljuststardust here.
Be blind and deaf to each and everything other than your intended reality
...and be so obsessed with your intended reality. Live out entire days, you're there, no, time is not passing by, the previous reality has disappeared by your hyperfixation on your intended reality. Ever done that exercise where you stare at a dot for so long, everything around it disappears? Well then, EXACTLY. Make it dissapear. Make it dissappear by not giving it any more of your energy. ....how I shifted. This is based upon being your dr self, that's snatches away the spotlight from this current reality.
Keep yourself comfortable
All of you are experienced enough to know, you don't need to lay in the starfish position. But remove the unnecessary thought that if you dare move your finger you might mess up the whole attempt (This is a subconsciousness belief) here's how to not worry about your 3D: again, senses shift last, Your current reality = intended reality.
It is about breaking free from human functions
Your software is set to being an earthly human. This is why acting like your current reality (the noises from the environment, physical annoyances) are from your intended reality, helps. This allows you to trick your human brain and move forward. The more you try to make sense of shifting, the more less it'll make sense. You don't have to know everything about shifting. The point is to be awfully natural about it. Just like how you wake up in this current reality without any requirement. You don't overthink it, then why overthink shifting.
Hope I cleared everything, I spent 5 hours on this post. If anything is not clear, please send in an ask, I am 100% avaliable to answer anything amiss.
Now let's see how much time I take to actually make this post aesthetically pleasing, so people don't have to bleach their eyes or ruin their blogs with this.
Dedicated to @lilyblairkinda who gave me this idea, once.
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Greetings, Homosapians.
My name? Heh. Don't be so coy.
Kermit. Croaker. Joker. Clown Prince of Crime. Bro Strider. The Original Adam. Vriska Serket. I am a man of many names, so keep up unless you want to be schooled by myself or my league of dedicated followers. Mess with Croaker Nation if you dare. Don't ask me about my Pro Nouns unless you want me to roll my eyes at you and kick you. HARD. I train my kicks for hours every day, so bones WILL be broken.
♤♡◇♧
DNI:
Other Kermit/Joker kintypes
People who frequently post about Dennys (I have Dennys trauma. Genuinely fuck all of you Dennys enjoyers! Toxic.)
Anyone who kins Gonzo or Batman. Fuck you, Batsy... *voice drops to a low growl* And double fuck you, Gonzo.
Protestants. (Self Explanatory)
Klance shippers-- annoying.
Brennan Lee Mulligan apologists.
People under 21, just a personal preference, please respect it
Anyone who engages with Harry Potter-- fuck terfs and fuck JKR!
Snape apologists
Anyone who violates my previous DNI. DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH AND RESPECT MY BOUNDARIES. It is not my job to do emotional labor for you and tell you what those boundaries are. Be respectful and figure it out.
One exception to my previous DNI, however: Women may interact with my blog. You see, I have been reading a webcomic called Homestuck and awakened a Vriska kintype in the process. It has made me realize how close minded I have been and that hating an entire gender based on shallow stereotypes is reductive and harmful.
Men DNI. I am an advocate for the feminist movement and have made it my sworn duty to destroy those who oppose it.
Good Omens fans. Y'all are annoying.
Tumblr user Strange Aeons. DO NOT INTERACT or I will get you with my sword. Consider yourself warned.
As for those of you who are afraid of seeing what real darkness and depravity looks like? Heh........
Run While You Can.
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and that first part i really mean it. dukeceit can be toxic. i believe so. truly. the side who causes the most psychological damage to thomas by expressing all of his previously repressed violent and disgusting thoughts and the side thats meant to shield thomas from anything physically or mentally harmful. come ONNNNNUH!!!!! OH MY GODDDD!!!!!!
i think every remus ship is going to be insane and messy. like at least a little. but dukexiety and intruality are just so on another level
#janus like. let thomas be aware of remus but. i still dont think he stands for any of what remus indirectly causes to thomas#intrulogical is self explanatory i feel because weve hashtag seen it#they beef crazy in dwit and they beef crazy in wtit like#toxic intrulogical is handed to us on a silver platter i havent much to say abt that in this post
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Rating HSR characters in relationships
Title is self-explanatory <3
Characters: Boothill, Dr Ratio, Blade, Aventurine (separately)
⊱ ─── ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ ─── ⊰
CW: cursing, mostly fluff and some crack
CW Aventurine's part: toxic dynamics, emotional neglect, jealousy, Aventurine in general
Lmk if there's any warnings I should add!
Had to restrain myself on Dr. Ratio I have soo bad brain worms about him rn he’s all I think about
。゚•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• 。゚
Boothill
10/10
DO NOT. AT ME. I PROMISE I’VE THOUGHT THIS THROUGH. I know most people who read that will be like “what the fuck Boothill would NOT be a perfect partner” and that’s where you’re right ! No, he would be an awful partner !
For MOST people.
But see, he wouldn’t be just ANYONE’S partner.
If you’re dating him, it means you’re exactly his type and he’s exactly yours. You wouldn’t date a guy like him if he wasn’t exactly what you wanted. He lays out all his cards on the table right away. Your relationship won’t have the chance to even begin if you’re not head over heels immediately bro 😭😭😭
With most characters I can imagine them in a relationship with a lot of different kinds of people. Like for example yeah I can imagine Aventurine both dating someone more reserved and sweet or someone bold and loud. Or someone like Argenti Lord knows that man could love ANYONE (or anyTHING tbh), but with Boothill there’s just a very narrow range of personalities I can imagine him with. Hence the rating cause he’d only be in one kind of relationship.
You guys are a POWER COUPLE I tell you. It’s SICKENING how much you love each other and how well you fit together. Two peas in a pod. I’m gonna throw up.
You both love the exact same things, you both HATE the exact same things, and you are both equally deranged and insane
The IPC hates to see you coming 💀🙏
You’re constantly in a friendly competition to outdo each other. Who has the higher bounty ? (Usually him) Who can drink most alcohol before blacking out ? (You, surprisingly) Who can kiss the other the most times during this high-speed chase ? (You always tie on this)
He swallows a bullet. You say “I’ll do you one better!” and swallow a knife. You are a human and so he needs to take you to the hospital so you don’t fucking die
(You both think it’s funny afterwards so it’s okay)
Even when you guys “argue” it’s never really that serious. Honestly you both think it’s kind of hot…… you argue in a devious, sexy way……. *smirks mischievously*
Sorry I cannot take him seriously
You match his freak <3
Nobody fucking likes you together. Separately ? Sure people like you. But the moment the two of you are in the same room it’s like you merge into one singular, horrible, annoying entity and NOBODY wants to be around to see it 😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏 neither of you have gotten a lecture about how inappropriate pda can be and also the two of you speak total nonsense it’s incomprehensible to everyone else
Considering putting Boothill on my “do not request” list, not because I don’t like him but because even I don’t understand how the two of you would fit together I can’t write it y’all are that weird
Boothill is for the freaks and he is PERFECT FOR THEM !!!
。゚•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• 。゚
Dr. Ratio
9/10
Okay I’ll be honest I’m not very caught up on Dr Ratio (I briefly hated him I only recently started liking him again HELP) so forgive me if there is some mischaracterisation in this I’m working on it my view on him isn’t complete yet 🙏🙏
Though Ratio is very ruled by logic, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have emotions. Furthermore, he views these emotions as important. Logic is not inherently opposed to emotions, and in fact, ignoring them would be illogical.
That is to say, yes, he’s an intellectual man. But he also has a high emotional intelligence 😇😇
Like not in the way of knowing how to cope with them. I don’t think he feels many strong emotions regularly (except for annoyance lol), so I think he in fact gets kind of overwhelmed by them around you and never knows how to regulate them properly HELP
But what I meant to say is that, in a relationship, he considers your thoughts and feelings a lot and makes an effort to prioritise them. He does not want for you to be unhappy.
He values you very highly. He takes all your opinions into consideration and treats them with respect.
He loves you a lot it’s actually ridiculous. He frequently gets annoyed at himself for how much he finds himself downright SIMPERING over you.
And like yes Ratio can be very harsh in the way he speaks but I think that 1, his care for people (including the “fools” and “idiots” he seems to scorn so often) shows and it shows even more apparently for people he cares about, and 2 I think he realises it would be inappropriate to be as rude as he usually is to you. You two are in a relationship, you are not some stranger. He cannot go around criticising you constantly, that would not be a healthy dynamic. Meaning he softens his vocabulary for you.
His care for you is very blatantly obvious. In the beginning I think he’s a bit embarrassed to show you affection. He hasn’t ever dated anyone, much less been in a relationship, with anyone before you (I honestly don’t even think he’s had his first kiss 😭😭), so I think his inexperience plays a part in it. But he still shows you as obviously as he can that he loves you, and he doesn’t shy away from vulnerability in private moments.
Bro has researched how to be a good partner trust 🤞
He communicates very clearly with you as often as possible. He hates misunderstandings, and tries to avoid them whenever possible. The two of you are almost always on the same page.
Whenever you argue, he still does not want you to leave the argument feeling unloved. Type to sigh, let his eyes soften and say “I believe it would be best if we both had some time to cool down”, then squeeze your shoulder as he passes you out of the room. Kisses you goodnight before you go to sleep. It’s often easier to talk it out the next day.
The only things bumping him down from a 10/10 for me is the fact that he doesn’t have that much time to spare for time with only you (his schedule is very packed), and the fact that he cannot cope with his OWN emotions 😭 Great with yours because he can logistically figure out how to handle them, terrible with his own because they’re affecting his own mind and he isn’t used to it
。゚•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• 。゚
Blade
7/10
Surprisingly high rating for a guy like him but I swear I’ve thought about this ok don’t leave 😔😔😔
I think it takes…. A lot. Like a lot a lot. To break through Blade’s tough outer shell
He hates letting people in so much it’s actually crazy
The closest person he has before he meets you is probably Kafka, and that’s not really by his own choice he would shut her out too if he could 😭😭
(Not to say he isn’t like, calm and polite to people. He’s pretty reserved and just, like, quiet ig usually, he only really gets weird and aggressive when the Mara flares up or he needs to be for a mission. I just mean he isn’t gonna be open and available for basically anyone lol)
It’s mainly difficult to GET INTO a relationship with Blade, but if you do manage it, it turns out a lot sweeter than you’d expect
He’s just a deeply tired man. He is not malicious, he is not unnecessarily cruel. He is worn out and sick of living, of never getting the rest he so desperately craves. He finds some sort of respite in you, and so he treasures you.
He trusts your judgement. He stands by you, no matter what. He’s loyal to a fault once you have him. The worst that could ever happen to him now is losing you. Even when he thinks you’re about to do something stupid (and he always tells you when he thinks it’s stupid), he’ll come with you. Better he’s there to take the hit for you than letting you go alone.
Even with the smaller things, he shows it even more obviously. He cooks you dinner and lunch every day, so you don’t have to. He lets you decorate his apartment, and he never adjusts the things you place in it, even when it clashes horribly with his own style. He lets you drag him along anywhere, whether it be a concert or a park, without complaint.
The main downsides with Blade are that he never, ever, verbally tells you that he loves you. Maybe once during your entire relationship he’ll say it, and probably when you’re on your deathbed, but he usually won’t. Even if you try to pry it out of him.
He can be really mean in the way he says things sometimes, like telling you straight up your ideas are dumb, but it’s always softened by the way he agrees to do whatever you want anyways.
Another frustrating thing is how he cares very little for his own wellbeing. It’s a regular occurrence for him to come home with guts spilling out of his abdomen, and it’s really uncomfortable to see even if you know he can’t die. He can still feel pain, even if he’s learnt to cope with it well. It’s scary to see him so hurt so often.
But you wouldn’t get into a relationship with him if you didn’t already know all this, hence why I rank him so high. He’s a lot better than you expected when you met him, which means you’re effectively in a better relationship than you’d have hoped 😭😭
。゚•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• 。゚
Aventurine
4/10 💀💀
I love him so much (my content is mostly Aventurine centric) but holy fuck man,,,
I have never and will never sugarcoat it Aventurine is TOXIC. Like GENUINELY. I wouldn’t say abusive but he can be really cruel. He gets lost in his own head and takes it out on you in ways he doesn’t really mean to. Aventurine is not a good person.
He’s fucked up in all sorts of ways and it’s no surprise it could easily destroy any relationship
Trust issues ? Jealousy issues ? Commitment issues ? Attachment issues ? Insecurity issues ? Mommy, daddy AND sister issues ? Every kind of possible issue you can probably imagine ? Yes on all fronts, bro’s the full issue package 💀
It would take a very special kind of person to endure in a relationship with him (I would not be able to do it if he was real I’ll be so honest)😭
When things are good, they’re really good. He can be so fun and playful and sweet and he loves to spoil you and everything that belongs to him belongs to you. He loves you more than the air he breathes and he’d do anything to make you happy
The issue is, most of the time, things are not in fact good.
I keep mentioning it but his relationships are always such a push and pull. A game of hot and cold. One second he clings to you and begs you to never leave him, and the next he won’t respond to your calls or messages.
Even worse, sometimes he’ll be outright mean in order to push you away, insinuating you’re “holding him down” and that you’re “wasting his time”. You’ll find yourself questioning if he actually does love you, because what sort of person does this to someone they love?
(It keeps him up at night when he treats you badly. He hates doing it, but he needs you to hate him as much as he hates himself.)
Usually he’s a really smart guy. Even when he does stupid things (things like making a purposeless high-risk gamble, playing Russian roulette), he’s fully aware of what he’s doing. (He does it because he kind of hopes he’ll actually die this time.) But with you, he loses all his composure and can’t really think straight.
He feels safe with you, and that scares him. He’s a danger to your safety, and it’s better to push you away, make you hate him, than it is to let himself be happy with you. His life is beyond saving, so all he can do to you if you stay is drag you into his mess. He can’t fix himself, not even for your sake.
He lies to you, he neglects you (sometimes for weeks at a time), he builds up new walls between you constantly, but at the same time he gets insecure and jealous when you hang out with others. Only when you threaten to leave him does he finally start getting his act together, because he realises that now that he’s had you, he couldn’t bear to live without you (even if he knows that’s very selfish of him).
He gets better with time, but I really, really doubt he’ll ever be fully healed. It doesn’t help that his job wouldn’t really allow it, and he can’t leave the IPC through any other means than death.
I originally ranked him as a 3/10 (diabolically low rating I know 💀💀) but I bumped him up one because he will get better. If you stick around long enough, he’d probably make it to a 7/10, but since that would take like over 4 years of being in a relationship with him I felt it would be unfair to rank him much higher 😭😭 At the start he really fucking sucks dude I’m so sorry my condolences
。゚•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• 。゚
My inbox is open, feel free to send in asks or requests, I'd love to ramble about things <3
#[boothill]#[dr ratio]#[blade]#[aventurine]#[by me]#boothill x reader#dr ratio x reader#blade x reader#aventurine x reader#veritas x reader#veritas ratio x reader#aventurine honkai star rail#aventurine hsr#hsr aventurine#reader x aventurine#reader x boothill#reader x dr ratio#reader x blade#blade hsr#hsr blade#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x reader#dr ratio#veritas ratio#boothill#hsr boothill#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr x you#reader insert
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"What is a deealbreaker in a relationship with bllk boys?"
Content : what is their turn offs in relationships?
Characters : Yukimiya Kenyu, Barou Shoei, Nagi Seishiro, Chigiri Hyoma
Note : please be aware that I will be honest, thank you and enjoy reading.
Yukimiya Kenyu

He is a gentleman when it comes to his partner, but it doesn't mean he let them get away with everything.
One of the things that might be a dealbreaker for him in a relationship, would be the lack of personal drive. Yukimiya is someone that has his own ambitions, if his partner doesn't share the same point of view as he does, and doesnt have an ounce of ambition and idea of what they want to do in the future, he would lose interest.
Another is the lack of personal care, in both health and appearance. Don't get him wrong, you don't have to be overly attractive or very beautiful, but as someone that is a model, he would prefer a partner that is clean, doesn't put their health into risk, and doesn't disregard their appearance. Like not caring how they'd look like, not doing what they can to atleast look neat and presentable, and not paying any mind to how doing something can cause health problems for them. (With his problem regarding his eyesight, I doubt he would want to see his partner suffering the same fate, or similar)
Another would be an overly controlling partner. I can't see him wanting to be with someone that restricts him, Yukimiya is quite open minded, he would be aware of situations where his partner is being toxic, and I can't see him still choosing to stay then.
Barou Shoei

I think the things I am about to enlist, as his huge deealbreakers in a relationship would be self explanatory.
First off, is an untidy partner— not caring about hygiene at all. I cant imagine it with him, as he shows how he cares about cleanliness. He even washes the bathroom first when he showers, and this is canon. Barou would appreciate a tidy partner, as also mentioned in his ideal type, "a person that can clean with him" although it said "can clean with him" it also doesn't change the fact he wants to see the tidiness within his partner. He wouldn't be with an unhygienic partner at all.
Another is a partner that lacks ambition. He has his ambitions, and he is also striving to achieve them. I doubt he would want his partner to be the type to not have any goals, and just stay as they are. He would appreciate a partner that shares the same mindset, and takes action to achieve them as he does to his.
Another major turn off would be a partner that is inconsiderate. A partner that has no respect for him, loses his own respect for them Barou would like a relationship that is built on mutual respect. Barou wouldn't want his partner to look down on him and his goals, nor does he like it if his partner doesn't a knowledge the time he put in his work, as well as his dreams.
Chigiri Hyoma

For Chigiri, there are plenty. But here are some that I think would really affect things.
A partner that is insensitive and talks bad about his injury and appearance. After recovering from his injury, I feel like chigiri is quite sensitive to the topic, he wouldn't want his partner to mock him for it, nor does he want them to be inconsiderate of his feelings. As well as his looks. Chigiri is quite particular about how he looks like, especially his hair. He wouldn't want a partner that makes insensitive comments and hurt him in the process.
Another would be a partner that is jealous and competitive. He wouldn't want it if it is directed at him, a partner that sees his success as their own failure, or cannot seem to be happy or delighted by his success would be a loss of interest for him. Especially if they constantly compete against him in everything, he wouldn't feel as though the relationship is built on mutual respect.
Another would be a partner that neglects him. He wouldn't like it if he feels not appreciated enough. If his partner isn't considerate of him, he would feel unappreciated and won't be able to feel a spark within that person, and thus losing his interests. They don't have to pamper him or give him validation all the time, but a partner that can't even put in some effort wouldn't be appealing to him.
Nagi Seishiro

One of the things that actually would be a huge dealbreaker for him is a partner that is overdependant. He would feel overwhelmed if his partner needs his constant validation, and clings to him all the time. He wouldn't mind affection. But invading his space, disturbing him from sleep, games, and etc would be a major dealbreaker for him. Nagi appreciates his personal space and doesnt like doing unnecessary stuff. He would feel as though his space is being invaded and would feel uncomfortable.
Another would be a partner that pushes him. I don't mean literally, but a partner that pushes him out of his comfort zone and forces him. He wouldn't mind it if he was also willing, or they convinced him, but a partner that forces him to do something he doesn't want to do would make him lose energy AND interest quickly. He would appreciate his partner, but if they can't understand his comfort zone and forces him out of it would make him feel as though the relationship is draining.
Another would be a partner that constantly overthinks, or overcomplicates things. Nagi is easy-going and doesn't see the appeal in ousting effort in some stuff unless he is interested. But a partner that needs support all the time, or analyses everything so much to the point it is so mentally draining to hear, Nagi wouldn't hesitate to stop the relationship there. He enjoys simplicity, so I cannot imagine him with a partner that overcomplicated things. It wouldn't be appealing to him.
#blue lock#bllk x reader#bllk#blue lock x reader#yukimiya x reader#yukimiya kenyu x reader#nagi x reader#nagi seishiro x reader#barou shoei x reader#barou shouei#bllk barou#chigiri x reader#chigiri hyoma x reader#yukimiya kenyu#chigiri hyoma#barou x reader
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Wrong Pic, Right Pic
Roommate!AU
Summary: The title is self-explanatory.
Warnings: Suggestiveness.
Starring: Gaz, Ghost, Price, Soap.
Kindly reminder: Sammy is Simon.
AN: Sorry for the delay. I’m currently drowning in work, but life is good. Enjoy!
(Part 2 of Vicious Toxic Spit should come out tomorrow. I headcanon this SMAU as happening about 8 months after (?). But you do you.)
#cod smau#cod texts#john soap mactavish#captain price#john price#john price x reader#john price x you#kyle gaz garrick#kyle gaz x reader#kyle gaz x you#john price x y/n#john soap mctavish x reader#simon ghost x you#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#soap x reader#simon ghost riley#captain price x reader
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MasterList ོ༘₊⁺☀︎₊⁺⋆.˚
Multi-Fandom Writer Emoji Meanings: Pepper (Smut), Heart (Fluff), Cloud (non-sexual content) Date Created: 4/4/2025 / Guys, 10k notes and 500+ followers in two weeks is insane.
Invincible ☆゚°˖*🛸𓆩⚝𓆪☽︎ Series: To Be Desired (Variant Edition) Part 1, Part 2
Variants of your childhood best friend spawn across the globe, and you find yourself in the crossfire of their previous lovers. What happens when you experience the parallel pleasure they offer? 🌶️
(Mark Grayson Edition): To Be Wanted
He was wrong, he was foolish, and he's here to make up for his mistakes. Of course, you were always the better option, and no one else needs you the way he does. (To Be Desired ABRIDGED) 🌶️ Series: The Replancement (Omni-Man) Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
Earth has made him comfortable. Weak, even. His half-human son may never be strong enough to carry the Viltrumite legacy, and his pet or wife is a distraction he can no longer afford. But you offer him a solution: a true heir. 🌶️ ☁️

Mark Grayson (Solo Fics): (Head Game)
He's been distant lately, but he's willing to do anything to make it up to you... He couldn’t resist you, even if he tried. 🌶️
(Friendly Neighborhood Inconvenience)
Mark Grayson, is your biggest inconvenience and friend... whom you also live next to. Super-powered besties...? :) ♥️
(She Threw Me-- Then Kissed Me)
When the shadows of your heritage awaken for the first time in years—responding not to war, but to him—you’re left with one terrifying, exhilarating realization: You didn’t come here to be claimed. But Mark Grayson might just be the first man brave enough to try. 🌶️
(Pretty When You Cry)
He's having relationship issues with Amber, but you're willing to be his distraction... right? His tears are your love language. And he’s fluent. 🌶️
(Survival of The Weakest!)
Since your last mishap, you both enjoy some domestic comfort until Cecil returns with a mission—one that only stirs trouble. "She Threw Me-- Then Kissed Me" continuation! ☁️
(I'll Breed You Into Loyalty)
Lines blur between battle and bedroom, loyalty and lust, love and war. Mark has to face a question worse than betrayal: What if the only person who understands him is the one destined to destroy him? 🌶️
(One More Moan, Baby)
Mark Grayson finally lets you take care of him—in more ways than one. What starts as emotional vulnerability after a tough fight spirals into the kind of intimacy he’s never known when you ride him with patience and love, it pushes him past the edge, into tears, into confession, and into something real.
(No Tongue, Just Vibes)
Mark Grayson’s in love. When the emotional dam finally breaks, he comes to realize love doesn’t have to follow a script. It just has to be honest. Featuring the world’s softest superhero-level compromise. ☁️ ♥️
(Two and a Half Graysons)
You're not officially a parent, but you might as well be. You're not officially married, but everyone seems to think you are. Between shirtless mornings, grocery store tension, and baby carrier missions, the line between “dating Mark” and “co-raising a purple alien infant with Mark” gets blurrier by the day. But it’s fine. You’re emotionally stable. Probably. ☁️ ♥️
Invincible Variant Fics: Lensless Mark/No Goggles (Slap Me Silly)
Synopsis is self-explanatory! 🌶️
Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner (The Psychopath)
When dinner with friends turns into a silent war of tension, touch, and self-control, it becomes clear Mark has zero intention of behaving. From under-the-table teasing that ends in a ruined pair of pants to a post-party bathroom brawl with slaps, spitting, and broken plumbing, you both spiral into a night of explosive mutual destruction.
Sinister Mark (Attention Hungry)
Advisory warning, smut included with mild themes for abuse or toxic relationships.
(Where Saints Are Buried)
To be loved as a lie, or wanted as a weapon— choose. This is not a love story, it’s a recognition. You were born righteous and powerful, but there’s always been a tremble in your hands, an ache to ruin. He sees it— Mark sees all of it. And he’s not afraid. He’s enthralled. ☁️
(Knees Up, Mouth Shut)
Across the stars, two names are whispered with fear: Invincible, a smirking black hole in the shape of a man, and the Daughter of Ares, a war-forged Amazon with thighs that have crushed kings. When a challenge is issued, winner takes control for 24 hours, they both expect victory. Now, pinned back with legs folded to his chest, pride cracking under the weight of her hips, Mark finds himself unraveling with every deep roll and breathless moan. 🌶️
Mohawk Mark + Sinister (Taking Turns)
Synopsis is self-explanatory! 🌶️
(Submitting Two Marks For Review!)
Two Mark variants, both are submissive, and you, the reader, are dominant. Pegging involved. 🌶️
(Not Her, But Mine)
He lost you in his universe. In this one, you’re not her, but that doesn’t matter. You’re still warm. Still tight. Still his. 🌶️ ☁️ Viltrum Mark (Bite Me Back)
He finds himself increasingly overwhelmed by instinctual need and possessiveness—but it’s not just lust that’s consuming him. It’s you. 🌶️
+ Multi-Variaint (Bite Me Back Too)
Each version of Mark Grayson— bratty kings, calculating monsters, broken gods— crave the same thing: your body, your loyalty, your soul. You’re a cure and a weakness they crave to keep. Consume him. 🌶️
Shiesty Mark + Omni-Mark (Double Booked)
You’re the problem that makes them argue, compete, and wreck you just to prove a point. Used, stuffed, and silenced—until you flip the game on them and make them beg to take turns. Who’s really in control? That’s the fun part. 🌶️
Atom Eve: (Atomic Heart)
With Mark gone for five years, and Eve's lips ghosting promises against your skin, you realize... it was time to take his place. 🌶️ ☁️
(Burnout)
Through her heroisms, you and Eve fostered a friendship. Watching the world beat her down through the paper broke your poor little heart... so why not offer the girl some relief for her burnout? 🌶️ ♥️
(She Who Remembers You)
In a fractured world with collapsing timelines and bleeding skies, you finally catch up to her, only to find that she remembers you. Not just your face, but who you were across universes. What you could have been. And what you might still be. 🌶️ 🌧️
(Rex + Eve + Reader, Two's Company, Three's Dangerous)
Three’s not a crowd—it’s foreplay. When Rex and Eve decide to start pulling girls together, they don’t expect you to walk in and flip the game on its head. Now you're all tangled in teasing, tension, and a whole lot of trouble they can't stop chasing. ☁️
Rex Splode/Rex Sloan: (Blow it Up, Babe-- Its Therapy)
Rex decides the best stress relief is blowing stuff up—Rex-style. What starts as a chaotic night of grenades and bad ideas turns unexpectedly soft when he realizes just how much he actually cares about you. ♥️
Drabbles: "Sit, Stay, Counter."
In which you, a mere civilian with either questionable upper body strength or pure audacity, attempt to lift various overpowered Viltrumite men and sit them on the kitchen counter like they’re your pretty little trophy husbands. ☁️
Long-Form Special Requests: Spice & Distruction ☁️ (Oc VS. Variants)

Avatar (The Way of Water)⭒-.⋆🪼⋆.-⭒ Jake Sully (Solo Fics): (Everything But In)
You find yourself bonded to both Jake and Neytiri. As time went on, even the simplest aspects of your personality began to captivate him. It felt wrong, like a transgression against his morals. Yet, you remained there, so... prettily and he came to yearn you just as you did him. 🌶️
Jake Sully + Neytiri (Roll For Me)
In which the camera of the audience captures the erotic gasps in the night between three sweat-glistening bodies in the forests of Pandora. 🌶️
Past Projects (Scrapped Works) Any published prior ↵↵↵↵
Devil May Cry DMC HEADCANONS ⛧☾༺♰༻☽⛧
Synopsis is self-explanatory.

DC COMICS (BatFam so far!) Dick Grayson (Runway Walk)
With twenty minutes to curtain call, a locked dressing room door, and a desk sturdy enough to ruin, you're about to discover there's nothing more dangerous than a man in a suit… especially when you designed it to come off. 🌶️ ♥️
(The Gloves Come Off)
Training with Dick Grayson was always intense, but when a spar spirals into something messier — something needy, and unforgiving, you learn just how well Nightwing reads a body under pressure. In the end, it’s not just your bodies on the line. It’s the way you come undone for each other — breathless and craving more. 🌶️
(Your Name Lives Under My Tongue જ⁀➴ ♡)
You haunt their thoughts like a song stuck on repeat—pulling them closer with every heartbeat, every whispered “come here.” Inspired by Love Me Not by Ravyn Lenae. 🌧️
CastleVania ⛧°。°⛧ ⋆༺♱༻⋆。°⛧ Pending....
Content across this masterlist; some pieces are fem/male-presenting, while others are gender-neutral. You're warmly encouraged to make requests! Whether it's different sexualities, disabilities, neurodivergence, or any other specific representation, you're hoping to see.

#masterlist#writers on tumblr#blogblr#blog directory#vinnyvamppp#x reader#multifandom account#gn reader#fem reader#smut#fluff#one shot#blog post#fandom writing#invincible#invincible masterlist#avatar the way of water
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Please more smut for my hyun ju a fic 😔🙏 anything
NSFW ALPHABET: Cho Hyun-ju.
Cho Hyun-ju x fem!reader.
Summary: Title says it all Warnings: x2 a/n: I've been wanting to write this for so long 😭
🩵HYUN-JU REQUESTS ARE OPEN!🩵



A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
After sex she would become the most clingy girl in the world, she would ask you if you are okay and if you need anything. She would also bring you food and a glass of water even if you didn't ask her. Also, if you take a shower, she would be in charge of changing the sheets.
After you would just cuddle in bed and she wouldn't let you go 😞☝️
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
The favourite part of her body is wether her hands, abs or breasts, as she thinks they're the most femenine part of her body, so she loves it when you compliment her about them.
And her favourite part of your body is your thighs 100%, she loves to leave hickeys on them and squeeze them.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
Her favourite place to cum is probably your breasts, just to lick them afterwards 🤭
It could also be in you or while you're giving her a blowjob, seeing you swallow her cum would make her go crazy.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
She'd never admit it, but sometimes when she misses you (even if you're just at work) she'd stroke her while scrolling through her gallery, looking at your pictures.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
I think she'd have had some relationships before you and she'd have had sex with them, but they were not the most supportive and probably ended up with toxic couples. Although, she has got experience.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
I think that she would love it if you to do it from behind with a strap, since it gives her gender euphoria and she feels validated.
Cowgirl: She loves when you ride her. she likes to watch how your boobs bounce. But you'd only do it when you have dated for a while and she has 100% confidence on you, as she feels really vulnerable.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
I feel she's serious, but there's always room for some playfullness, as you compliment eachother a lot.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
She'd shave as she couldn't stand having hair down there because 1. It would embarrass her. 2. It is more comfortable for her and would take you with peace of mind.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
She's really romantic, but like, REALLY romantic. She'd make you feel loved and wanted in every aspect.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
As I said before, she'd masturbate herself when she's alone at home.
She wouldn't make it too often though, she'd place her girldick between her thighs and rub the tip with two fingers, just like a clit.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Dirty talk (giving and recieving), hair pulling (recieving), strap-on (recieving), lingerine, mirror sex (especially giving but also recieving), size kink (c'mon y'all, she's 1,83m/6ft tall).
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Wether the kitchen, bathroom or bedroom.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
Teasing turns her on so much
OH and also when you whisper stuff in her ear, your words don't have to be all sexual, but hearing your low voice that close to her just makes her go crazyyyy.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
She would never hurt you, that is, she would not like strong bdsm too much.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
She loves it when you give her a blowjob, but she rathers giving you oral sex.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
50/50, she's usually pretty slow, but if she has had a rough day, get ready for not being able to walk next day.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Not her favourite thing, but if you ask for one, she doesn't resist.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
When you both are at a party with your firends, she'd put her hand on your thigh and squeeze it a little, and if you have drunk too much, you may have gone to the bathroom.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
She has an amazing physical resistance, due to the military, so she can las for a long time, maybe 3-4 hours.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
She has got some anal toys, such as prostate massager and stuff like that, but nothing crazy.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
A very lot, she loves it when she has you all flustered because of how shy you get.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
I don't think she's too loud, she just breathes heavely, but when she's closer to her orgasm she'll let out breathy moans.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
After her surgery you couldn't have sex until 6 months later, as it takes really long to heal, so she'd ask you to touch youself and you used that in your advantage to tese her.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Probably C cup breasts (y'all have seen her? 😻) And a girldick that's around 17cm soft and 19cm hard. (6 inches soft and 7.5 hard)
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Quite high, maybe after 2 days from the last time you guys have had sex, she's still needy.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
She can fall asleep very quickly, but she rathers stay awake until you fall asleep first.
#cho hyun ju#hyun ju squid game#hyunju#player 120#squid game#cho hyunju x reader#hyun ju x reader#player 120 x reader#squidgame x reader#hyun-ju#cho hyun ju x reader#cho hyunju
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THANOS — PLAYER 230 MASTERLIST



⋆。°✩ ‘Cause when you know you know,
It kind of makes me laugh, running down that path. ✩°。⋆
Red Lights | Thanos, (being the person he is) pushes people to the ground during red light, green light—killing them. He decides to chase after you, likely trying to the same, until you trip…does he catch you? Does he watch you die?
Four Zero Seven | 407, the number that is created by the two numbers printed on both you and Thanos’ jackets during the games. The same games he finds out your pregnant with his child after breaking up with him months prior. 177 + 230.
Be Mine | After meeting at a love café three years prior, Thanos finally decides it’s time to confess his love to you—the same day you met.
I love you, it’s ruining my life | Having broken up not too long ago, it’s really no surprise that you and Thanos still act like such a toxic couple.
Bye Bye, Miss American Pie | During mingle, you get separated from Thanos and the rest of your group and don’t make it into a room in time—as another player takes your place. (a.k.a you die like young-mi).
Both of them? | What being in a polyamorous relationship with both Thanos and Nam-gyu during the games would be like.
Polaroids and Cigarettes | Going to the Beach with Thanos.
Cuddlebug | Thanos & Nam-gyu with a clingy reader.
You’re My Squishmallow | cuddling with a squishmallow-loving s/o.
Blue hair | Thanos with a blue-haired sweetheart. (Pink hair version).
Valentines Day | What spending Valentine’s Day with him would be like.
Rockabye Baby | How the Thanos team would take care of a pregnant!Reader.
Thanos/Player 230 Headcannons | What being in a relationship with Thanos during the games would be like…
Enthralled | Thanos with a plus-sized!reader.
Creampie | Thanos with a creampie kink…or him just being really into overstimulating and filling his Fem! S/O with his cum.
Childhood Bedroom | When you brought Thanos home to meet your parents, the last thing you expected was him to discover a poster you had of him when you were a teenager (and he was an idol).
Belly Bulge | When the two of you are having steamy time, he feels himself inside of your now-bulged tummy.
Thick Ink | A smutshot with both Thanos’ back tattoo and his daddy kink.
Cockwarming | Pretty self explanatory—but Thanos just loves the feeling of your gummy-like walls clenching around him when he teases you.
Exhibitionism | Thanos can’t help it, he just loves the idea of claiming you in front of a crowd, and you are much too tempting not to attempt it once or twice.
Hate-Fucking | Thanos, who after a long few days of relentless teasing from both parties, decides to take matters into his own hands, showing you who’s ‘really’ in charge after you side with Player 333 during a fight.
#squid games headcanons#squid games fanfiction#squid games x reader#squid games x you#squid games drabble#squid games smut#thanos x y/n#thanos x reader#thanos x you#player 230 x reader#choi su bong x you#su bong x reader#t.o.p x reader#masterlist#one shot#smut#female reader#drabble#x reader
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☆ "weeping clown" ; general sfw & nsfw headcanons
pairing / weeping clown x afab gn! reader
disclaimer / possessive nature, choking fixation, body worship, orgasm denial
word count / 1,335 words
author's note / i wanted more miserable, pathetic, lore accurate toxic weepy so i decided to just write it myself.
SFW
☆ a very clingy man that is far too quiet to ever be the one to initiate a conversation with you. after all, how dare he have such thoughts when you’re shining all so bright. altruist you can say but behind it, he is all but possessive.
☆ you will always find letters forwarded to you by someone of anonymity but his handwriting is all but so familiar. you will always feel a set of eyes following you in everything you do around the circus. whether it be practicing for your next act, applying your makeup, eating, or paying attention to your own body care, it's always on you.
☆ weeping clown by his stage name is very self explanatory. even with his wishes of being so much more than what he is branded by, he carries on his sorrowful demeanor behind the stage. meeting you, whether you’re the first to ever truly acknowledge him or give him the light of day of your time, he will think of that interaction of so much more.
☆ he’s completely infatuated by you, not having the guts or confidence to ever approach you, he will make gifts for you in secrecy, going to great lengths to have it personally delivered to you by a postman to possibly hide the fact that it was him all along.
☆ however, you have suspected the clown for awhile now. the way his eyes avoid your own, his stuttering and brightening red state of his. you have always thought of it as normal for the clown, his cowering state, but there is just something about him that rang alarm bells.
☆ weeping is easily flustered. any hint of your attention on him has him already a profused bashful state. especially any physical contact with each other, even if it’s just holding hands, his hands will instantly clam up and become so warm. he gets embarrassed at these times and would begin to avoid eye contact so you wouldn’t have to see him in such a “pathetic condition”.
☆ kissing the weeping clown is rough due to his very chapped lips. he’s a clumsy and messy kisser, having no prior experience and frankly, only kisses with pure want and no thoughts at all behind it as if you’re going to disappear on him. you’ll always feel his hands messily messing the back of your hair and at times, when he’s pushing his tongue down on you, he loves it when you tug down on his scarf.
☆ his love, to be blunt, is completely unconditional. it doesn’t matter if you kill someone with your own bare hands, even if his idea of you shatters, his ideology still stands. he’s a man that is completely obsessed with the idea of you and while it is a harmful train of thoughts, that obsession turns into a sick love.
☆ even if his love comes from a twisted place, he cares for you in his own little way. he’s overprotective of you and attentive to your mental and emotional needs of yours. if someone is bugging you, he’s immediately on the band wagon in planning on how he’s specifically going to privately and in secrecy, handle it.
NSFW
☆ joker is not a confident man as we all know, and especially in bed. even if he’s bigger than most, around 8 inches or so, he is all but insecure about the approach. he’s a virgin and only has experience by touching himself late at night, clutching a crumpled picture of you and imagining your hands pumping his cock.
☆ he’s always the type to indulge in his personal fantasies and to finally have it happen to him, he’s all but overjoyed but extremely confused and insecure on how you can ever pick someone like him. he has always dreamed of you touching him, even when he’s ashamed of such thoughts when facing you upfront, he’d always go hard over the smallest things from you.
☆ your voice, your lips, your eyes on his, your scent, you brushing skin contact with him even if it’s just a small graze, oh god his dick is practically about to burst out his boxers. he loves the rough feeling of his dick begging to be dicked down and would often grind himself in his own boxers, imagining that friction is your pussy.
☆ he would get so long in those surreal fantasies of his, wanting to just breed you. but once actually having you, his insecurities of having little to no experience comes crashing down once more. you’ll be on his lap and he’ll be completely dumbfounded, absolutely having no idea where to put or place his arms and would stare at you undressing on him which god, is so hot to him.
☆ he’s the type to just cum right then and there in whatever you do to his body. touching his cock, oh he’s already seeing stars and tearing up. your warm mouth on his, he’s grinding his waist and dragging you by your hair to go deeper and deeper, causing you to choke and him getting off by your gagging sounds.
☆ he’s a big crier during it all, his eyes seeming to always tear up whenever he feels absolutely stimulated or from pure happiness, he’ll always throw his head back and bites his lips to the point it begins to start bleeding and then planting his blood soaked lips on yourself.
☆ body worship. weeping clown is ashamed of his disability and amputee, but you praising it and giving it utmost attention (not just only during sex of course) gives him an unexplainable emotion such as relief of your acceptance of him. how you don’t immediately shun him.
☆ he loves to worship you and your entire being, not just being the only one praised. he will always be going on and on, muttering about your beauty. he always feels as though he shouldn’t even have the privilege to be in your presence, let alone touch you. it’s an emotional moment for him the entire time, enveloping himself to your existence.
☆ he absolutely can’t get enough of you, always loving it when he’s the one on your lap or vice versa, he loves to look up at you and you wiping his tears off with your thumb. he loves to nuzzle on the palm of your hand every time you do it. once he’s more familiar and confident with your body, he finds himself more and more lost in sex.
☆ he’s a verbal partner, always gasping and lowering his moans. it’s not a hard feat to have him a mess over you and especially when you’re verbal, he can’t help but feel good knowing he’s the one getting those reactions out of you.
☆ he loves it when you deny him of his orgasm. tie him behind his waist and fuck his cock with your finger, palm, boobs, thighs, anything. he’ll start whining and drawing his voice out, begging for your touch, his tears practically streaming out by then.
☆ bouncing on his cock, he’s still so scared over the fact that you’re in his but he can’t help but get so lost in your touch. he’ll watch you with astonishment, watching your boobs bounce along your actions and begin latching his mouth on the bud of your nipples and sucking on it to the point there’ll be a prominent, red mark.
☆ aftercare with weeping clown would be him cleaning you up with a rag and bringing you the glass of water from the bedside, very quiet and unsure on what else to talk about. it’s a comfortable silence on your part but for the clown, he’s particularly anxious. you’ll have to be the one praising and tucking him for the night. during these moments, he’s especially emotional. he never wants to let go of this moment and then, decide to do everything that he can to keep you by his side no matter what.
#idv weeping#idv weeping clown#identity v weeping#identity v weeping clown#idv weeping x reader#idv weeping clown x reader#idv weeping x reader smut#idv weeping x reader headcanon#idv weeping x reader smut headcanons#idv weeping x reader headcanons#identity v weeping clown x reader#identity v weeping clown x reader smut#weeping clown x reader smut#weeping clown x reader smut headcanons#idv x reader#identity v x reader#idv x reader smut#identity v x reader smut#identity v x reader smut headcanons#idv x reader smut headcanons#idv weeping clown smut#identity v weeping clown smut#weeping clown smut#weeping clown x reader#weeping clown smut headcanons
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ranking the phantom troupe based on how good of parents they would be
1. chrollo. the way that this isn’t even because i have favoritism towards chrollo, its because he’s so responsible🥹🥹🥹 like do you see the way that he basically takes care of the troupe? fathered so hard he mothered tbh. chrollo is literally so girl dad coded🥺 prolly cried when his held his child for the first time. he’d be the sweetest, brushing his daughter’s hair and taking her shopping.
2. pakunoda. she’s so respectful and self sacrificial and responsible im crying🥺 she makes me cry real skibidi tears like togashi look at what you took away from us. she’d be the literal sweetest mama ever. she’s soooo girl mom coded it’s insane. can you imagine her painting her daughter’s nails pink?🥹💕 she would 100% take her daughter on mall trips all the time.
3. phinks. controversial opinion but this guy would lowkey but SUCH A GOOD DAD. remember during the chimera ant arc when he gave shizuku his clothes because she lost hers? i just KNOW that he would play video games with his son and once begrudgingly wore a tiara for his daughter.
4. franklin. i don’t think he’d ever have kids (or want them for that matter), but if ever were to babysit kids, just know that he’ll be great. since we all know that he’s literally just a chill guy, he’ll just let the kids play video games and eat food the whole time.
5. nobunaga. okay okay HEAR ME OUT HE WOULD BE SO CUTE. like okay he wouldn’t be a “good” parent, but can you imagine him running around with his kid wreaking havoc and letting them play with his hair? like come on that’s literally like my dream dad😭❤️
6. shizuku. now she definitely is NOT responsible, but she doesn’t even need to be because she’ll lowkey be so chill and nice with her kids. there’s a saying that kids like pretty girls, and shizuku is definitely that. she’ll probably let her kids play on her phone or something, and i lowkey don’t think she’ll care if they take her glasses or smth.
7. machi. she’s responsible, don’t get me wrong, but i think she’ll be a bit too strict on her kid because she has trouble expressing any positive emotions. but when her kid runs away crying, she’ll instantly feel SO BAD and try her best to comfort the kid. she might make them a doll or some clothes or something.
8. bonolenov. we don’t really know too much about him, but he seems to care a lot about the troupe, so then it’s probably natural to assume that he’ll be the same with his children, if he ever has any, of course. he’ll probably teach them about their clan and what the holes in his clan’s body symbolizes.
9. shalnark. now, he’s a friendly and “sweet” guy, but i have a strong feeling that he wouldn’t like kids very much. they’re probably too dumb and pure for his liking, and he probably feels sort of uncomfortable when it comes to kids. if he finds out that someone is going to have his kids, then 90% of the time, shalnark will pull a ging freecss. the other 10% of the time, he’ll try his best.
10. uvogin. he’s the type of guy to want his child to learn how to fight and learn Nen as soon as possible, even if he has to initiate them to unlock their aura nodes. he’d lowkey drink beer one day and offer his kids some beer too, forgetting that they’re underage. but he loves his kids dearly though and would do anything for them, so that’s good enough.
11. feitan. oh this guy HATES KIDS. he finds them annoying and loud and stupid, and he gets the ick even when he LOOKS at a kid. if he ever had a kid, (which he probably wouldn’t but just hypothetically speaking) he’d have less of a reaction considering how that kid literally comes from inside of him, but he’d begrudgingly raise them as best he can…if it’s a son. if it’s a daughter, then i feel like he’ll be much softer and (try to be) more gentle.
12. illumi. pretty self explanatory tbh. he’ll love his kids dearly, but he’ll express it in toxic and unhealthy ways (he’ll also put them through terrible Zoldyck training)
13. hisoka. do NOT let this man near kids, even his own.
———
kalluto, kortopi - how do you expect them to have children when they’re literally children themselves?
#hunter x hunter#hxh#chrollo#chrollo lucilfer#hxh x reader#chrollo x reader#phantom troupe#phantom troupe hcs#nobunaga#feitan#feitan x reader#machi hxh#machi komacine#machi#hxh hisoka#hisoka#hisoka morow#hisoka x reader#phinks#shalnark#shizuku murasaki#shizuku hxh#pakunoda#uvogin#illumi zoldyck#hxh illumi#phantom troupe x reader#hxh hcs#hxh chrollo#chrollo hunter x hunter
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mindset of manifestation & how i manifest



like melanie martínez, i am back from the dead.
i apologize for being gone so long, but i needed a break from tumblr. i saw toxicity swirling in the community, my life got busy, and i decided it was just time for a break. when i was planking to come back, i just saw how things got terrible and i got upset and decided not to come back.
so, im back now and with a little tutorial on how i manifest!!! <3 i hope this can help some of you out.
let’s start with background.
manifesting is kind of like predicting the future. you have something you want to happen, then it happens soon after. i feel like this is the easiest way to get into the manifestation mindset. you cannot change what you’re getting if you want it. could you change your mind later and return it like a package? yes! but before it arrives, you know it’s arrival is coming.
sure, there can be delays, but it all is going to turn out YOUR way in the end.
nile and i have been working on our mindset and this is something they wrote that i think can be really helpful — as it was to me.
from the past two years we have been actively manifesting, we learned that we often saw things as “crazy”. but manifesting isn’t crazy, it’s quite normal.
every time you get dressed in the morning, it’s an act of manifestation. you’re showing up with what you want.
manifestation is a mondane activity!! stop treating it like it was a kiss from an angel!
by reading this, you’re manifesting your eyes working, you’ve used your hands to open an app, and you have believed you can read and get through this blog! without manifesting that, you would not be here.
the first step to manifestation is believing you can do it, believing you have done it, and believing you will continue to do it. period.
there are many MANY different ways to manifest, but i manifest in 3 ways (sometimes i use all three, sometimes i use just 1 or 2.)
!! I ALMOSR FORGOT TO PUT THIS AND IM ADDING IT BEFORE I GET TO NUMBER 2 OMG!!
STOP! BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE I WANT YOU TO GET A NOTEBOOK, A SHEET OF PAPER, OR MAKE A CHECKLIST ON YOUR PHONE IN YOUR NOTES APP!!!
now i want you to write down everything you want right now down and leave the boxes blank if you haven’t gotten them yet.
once you get through that, i want you to randomly click between some of the items you want and write down things you wanted that you did get! they can be some simple and things from years ago, what matters is you have them down. throw in some things that you may have to do for school or work while you’re at it.
here’s an example! (left is before checking off, right is after)
as you can see, i added a note to the side because i got what i wanted and more abundantly! i had been manifesting a dog since i was a young child, and in 2021, i got 2!!!! (one is laying at my feet right now <3)
continue to do this daily, weekly, or whatever you have time for. i personally do this on notion and i try to add something new daily (im adding the heartstopper thing rn!!)
but yeah!! write everything u want down, and continue to add to it, just so u can see progress DOES happen and your work and effort DOES pay off!
affirming and persisting
this id the first way i learned to manifest, and the most self-explanatory.
you simply repeat what you want over and over until you get it! but not in the future tense, in the current or past tense.
ex; “i passed my maths final!”, “im so happy my boyfriend gave me those roses for valentine’s day, he’s so sweet!”, “i finished the essay for english like a week before it was due!” “i got the lead role in my play! im so excited!” etc.
now, the common factor between all of these is having a positive mindset about them. i cannot tell you HOW many times i manifested something would go well, and right before they happened, i got in a shitty mind space and wondered if it would ever happen.
but, nonetheless, i persisted through and i got what i wanted.
the pain have have been feeling cant compare to the joy that is coming. Romans 8:18
persisting is basically pushing through. think about the time you didn’t think you would make it through an injury, a school year, a trial, yet you still walked through it — even if it was slow.
like when work days are long and you want to go home, but you can’t, so you persist.
i try to think of my manifestations as an ultimatum. it’s going to happen, and that’s final. the only thing you have to do to get it is stay conscious.
and staying conscious, walking through those days, is how you get to the end!
i use affirming and persisting with pretty much everything, which is why it was first.
2. listening to subs.
it’s that simple — listen to an audible subliminal that has the results you want over and over!! that’s all i do u guys. here’s my playlist if u want it (IF I DELETE IT CHECK MY PINNED POST!! I UPDATE IT OFTEN)
i often use @stilljuststardust’s subs, slade’s subs, enchanted workshops’ subs and i want it, i got it’s subs!
all of them are trusted and credible. i cannot promise you that all the subs in my playlist will work for you, as they are (sometimes) linked to my personal desires.
3. pinterest manifestation!!
i recommend having either a whole pinterest account or a board set aside for this way of manifestation.
you simply make boards (or sections) for things you want. i would say this is best for physical items, people, looks, makeup, etc. things that re physically tangible, rather than something like reality shifting (although i do have a reality shifting board! it has been working pretty well <3)
i also have one for my mindset, my religion, so on and so forth (link btw)
i think this is pretty self explanatory. just save picture of things you want and quotes/affirmations and DONE!
i also use this sub with it :p it’s worked WONDERSSS!
if you have any other questions i will be happy to answer them!! i love you all!! go manifest!!
#abyss .speaks#manifesation#law of manifestation#manifest#manifestation#master manifestor#pinterest manifest#manifestations#reality shifting#shiftblr#shifting#shifting community#desired reality#reality shift#black shifters#shifting motivation#shifting realities#manifesting#loa manifesting#loa blog#loa success#loa tumblr#loa#loassblog#loa assumptions#loablr#loassumption#self concept#spiritual connection#spiritual awakening
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