#tries not to kill self. ok. ill go back in there again. in a bit. SIGH

[epicdogymoment]

walked in -> looked at the cabinets -> got even more stressed out and scared -> wandered around the place (trying to find where to get????? something??????? how?????????) -> got sick of it and left. anyway so i DID do a scary thing

[dizzyduck44]

So I know I was fairly confident last week when I said karma was coming for Max but holy hell, I didn’t have a Red Bull self destruct on the cards.

Let me start this by saying I like Max, Checo, Liam and Yuki. I don’t feel any of them need ditching out of F1 so this isn’t a hate on any one in particular.

Checo and Yuki were victims of bad luck on Saturday but by Sunday it was a pot luck of what could go wrong next.

Let’s start with Sergio so far off his grid box he was halfway to turn 1. Unusual and maybe was the intro to what was about to happen to all involved in the Red Bull family over the next two hours.

Yuki, poor poor Yuki didn’t even make it to turn 1. That was a scary crash and I’m glad he is ok.

Then Max started being Max. One side of me says yes he has a proper killer mentality but my god after a decade in the sport can he just once show us he can race a title rival on the grey stuff in the middle, rather than MarioKarting his own track? Especially after this week when the literal wording of the rules was repeated over and over over again, to then do the same thing a second week running. 🤦‍♀️ Max, for the love of god engage your brain.

I think people claiming he is going to kill someone is a tad extreme but he could put someone in the wall. In a cost cap, that can’t be an option.

Can I also point out the only person I heard whinging was GP and the irony of his comment was not lost. Max and Lando were calmer driving at 200mph than he was.

Liam. Oh god, Liam. After screaming for two years he should be on the grid I’m happy he is here and showing his worth. That being said, my god he is all the worse bits of Yuki and Max in their rookie year all rolled into one. Attitude, acts like cars will shrink, acts like blue flags are optional. The damage to Checo’s car was significant, they were both not backing down, but then flipping the finger at Checo as he passed is childish. Wonderful understanding from the “sister teams”.

Clearly Helmut needs to address the mentality of his own drivers before worrying about anyone else’s.

Max predictably doesn’t want to address his own driving to the media, rather blame it on all being his only option because the car isn’t fast enough. Memo to Williams, Alpine and Aston Martin, start driving people off the track, it’s acceptable if you have a slow car apparently. 🙄

However I will say, he didn’t deny anything this weekend. He knows he was angry, it’s Lando on the other side, so he knows he isn’t about to get into a he’s a this and that slanging match. It meant Max walks away with some credibility.

Then the final straw was Christian, taking zero responsibility for Max’s actions, then tries to get everyone on side by showing telemetry that claims Lando would never have made turn 4. Listen had Max given the correct racing room to Lando, Lando may have found that out on his own. But he didn’t. And given we are looking at the exact same article of the guidelines as last weekend it was a stupid move. If the stewards didn’t give that penalty, now we all know the rules of a corner, they look stupid.

Incidentally if he is showing data can we see the telemetry speed of Carlos into turn 4 when he did overtake Max on track and Max’s telemetry entering turn 8? You know, seen as we are discussing entry speed in isolation.

Then to top it all off we see Liam waiting to talk with Christian. I think none of us believe that was to tell him well done.

Seriously this weekend was like watching the cartoon car chugging along as bits fall off.

Sadly given there is still ill feeling towards them after the way they treated Daniel, how many people even care. After Austin, how many people just think it’s karma.

[tijuanabiblestudies]

WHEW ok we did it. sent him the actual fucking Dear John Letter we've been drafting in our head since pre-hospital(s), hastily dashed off and posted to fetlife, of all places, in the long dark hours of the early morning, and laboriously copypasted into his texts, since i already blocked him on discord.

him exiling me from My Fucking Bed was the last straw. i'm done being polite. i did my level best, but despite it all, the motherfucker remains thuddingly oblivious to how his behavior affects other people.

modified text under the cut. cw suicide and complex trauma and nazis and institutionalization and The Pigs and shit

comin out of my cage; doin suprisingly fine

well, i had a bit of a manic episode that broke bad. every single time i have one of these things, i seem to come back stronger.

this time, i fully thought i was going to die. my paranoid delusions took on a distinctly "the nazis are coming" tone, and the man i'd considered a loving partner for the better part of a decade was actively refusing to empathize. so i dumped him.

see, a funny thing happens when you've been working mandatory overtime at a corporation whose very existence goes against your personal ethics, and then you come home night after night to a man you used to consider your future husband and best friend, and he judges you from everything from your basic bodily functions to your much-needed self-medication to your management of your own mental illness, and he continuously compares you to his shitty ex in a way that poisons all manner of wells regarding Things that Make You Happy, and he keeps being like "save it for therapy" every time you try to communicate on any real level, and you have been doing so much work to avoid hurting him with your anger, and he refuses to take accountability for the time he went off his meds and said and did a whole mess of baffling, enraging, deeply hurtful shit to you, and meanwhile you have barely had any sex of ANY KIND the entire time you've been in this cozy little love nest, and he keeps insisting he and you can work it out, someday, and meanwhile therapy has become his full-time job, and the dishes are piling up, and you're living on frozen dinners and shitty workplace cafeteria sandwiches and shedding pounds because nothing tastes good anymore.

what happens, you see, at least in the case of A Bitch Like Me, is that you start wanting to kill yourself. constantly. and it keeps getting worse and worse until something miraculous happens:

you make a new friend. you start to have some fun again.

cyndi lauper and the beastie boys were right: people of all genders gotta have fun. and you do, in fact, have to fight for your right to party.

so i chased that high. i chased it all the way to [x] Pizza, for an amazing night of karaoke with a breathtakingly cool crowd. i sang Nine to Five with an almost heavy-metal rawness that expelled all my demons in one roaring blast (or so it felt at the time). i fell in love with myself again (cue the Sparks).

and then i came home, and i was as quiet as possible to avoid waking my sleeping boyfriend, and the next morning he accused me of clomping around and shaking the bed, and i tried to tell him about the amazing night i had, and he was all bitchy with the monosyllabic answers, and i was like "hey, what the fuck," and he admitted that he was jealous.

and that was when i thought, fuck this.

so i ripped the bandaid off. and then i let myself get really, properly angry with him, and that was what really and truly broke my brain.

so, long story short (too late), i attempted suicide by cop. i knocked on some doors in a blind, dissociated panic, and was helped by an exhausted-looking trans woman who very kindly let me use her phone and bathroom. the cops came, and i wiggled my ass playfully as they patted me down. i got carted off to the psych emergency room in a janky old cop car without the touchscreen in the back to collect your fingerprints.

when i got there, i fully believed i was going to die. we had a good run, kid, i thought. work it out on the remix.

(i never had much belief in any kind of afterlife, but i always kinda hoped reincarnation was real. i was born the day Cary Grant died. not to dox myself or anything.)

but i didn't die. i ran up against the solid wall of the cops and lived. i encouraged them to shoot me; they didn't. i got strapped down with some lovely velcro restraints and carted off to a facility in [city]. and then--[icp voice] ~miracles~~~--who should appear but the very same trans woman whose door i had knocked on?

so anyway, she's my best friend now. one of many; i am as polyamorous in the matter of Best Friends as i am in all others. and this best friend lives right down the block, and i can go hang out with her whenever i want.

they kept me at the hospital for way longer than i needed to be there--ain't that just the way?--but i did make a lot of friends in there. i had to tell my mom the scary truth i'd dug my way down to at the bottom of my oubliette of delusions--the one about my older brother having sexually abused me--which is not an easy truth to sit in, let alone while being institutionalized--but i got out. i'm on some meds that actually fucking help. once i get some proper stimulant meds for the adhd (i was on Abilify once; never again) i fear i may become unstoppable.

i'm good at a lot of things i used to think i was bad at. i'm funny and hot and i can hold up my end of a conversation with the best of 'em.

i was active in the [cluster of Former Cities] scene, years ago and pre-transition. astoundingly enough, not feeling present in one's body does not make for great kink experiences.

i am so fucking stoked to keep being part of the [current city] scene. i have so many skills to learn and people to meet. and i know i can do it on my own. i can do all kinds of shit on my own.

i'm a rockstar. i'm a superhero. i am captain fucking america.

[undercity-princess]

Kinktober 17

NSFW prompt: vore

Jinx X Akali

They didn't know why Akali had fallen ill with what could only be described as The Hunger. So far every research only showed other affected individuals from all corners of Runeterra, but neither a reason nor a cure. It seemed to be an old curse or something alike.

They did what they could to sate her. Normal food didn't suffice, so they tried whatever they could find. Raw meat helped her, but never to satisfaction.

The few documents they found were vague at best, most patients took their life after a short time, others were hunted down.

Jinx scoffed, throwing a demacian scroll to the side and pulling a noxian tome closer. There had to be something.

Akali had been unusual volatile, borderline aggressive even, lately. Maybe a hint to Noxus. They were master aggressors at all.

When she pulled the heavy thing, her skin caught on a loose screw on her desk. It was a small wound, but still bleeding. Small drips fell off her hand. She got up to get a rag. The wound itself would close in a minute if left alone.

Akali was in the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge. There should be meat somewhere. There had to be. She needed some right now. Suddenly a tempting smell alerted her from the other direction. It was followed by soft footsteps.

"Heya! Just need something to mop up some blood, and maybe a screwdriver to prevent more spill then I'll be back at my…"

Her eyes went wide, when Kali forced herself into the opposite corner of the room.

"Please… go…"

"What? Why? What's wrong?" She took a step forward but stopped when the ninja recoiled even more.

"You're bleeding"

"Well not anymore" she held the already healed hand up.

"I could smell it before I even heard you come over."

"Ok… oh… oh shit"

Now it made sense. People who had a hunger for human flesh but morals would off themselves. Others would give in and then be hunted.

"It makes sense now."

"Sense? What twisted fucking sense is there?! I nearly jumped you! Because of a tiny scratch! You get hurt all the time, big time! I… I need.. to.. to leave… One day I'll kill you" Kali broke down, curling in on herself sobbing.

"Well it made sense why nothing ever got you un-hungry. Don't worry, well just need to keep your belly full and I'll start to bleed less, ok?"

"How are we supposed to do that?" She sat up hopefully. If there was any kind of plan, her genius would find it.

"This is a city full of scumbags, scoundrels and scampers. Keeping you fed will actually lower the crime rate and thus do good."

It sounded way too easy, but Akali knew the only other way would be leaving her love to keep her safe. It was probably foolish, but she nodded.

They went at it right away and for the first time in months, Akali was at ease. Jinx provided her with information on the worst individuals of Zaun. Twisted as they were, the nightly hunts became kind of dates to them. Jinx always pulled some food for herself out of one of her pockets and they ate together.

It went well, until one night they ventured too far up, ending up on the entresol. They nearly got caught and had to lay low after that.

This had Akali's hunger grow again.

"You know that shimmer makes my body heal pretty much everything right? I mean, I can't grow back a leg… But if… Let's just say something big -But not that big- bit me, it wouldn't really faze me right?"

"No."

"Let's face it, sweety, you either eat me in bits that I can substitute or you'll lose it and eat me up whole. And not the good way."

"I will NOT eat you. Healing or not. I don't wanna acquire a taste for you. You already smell better than others. I don't wanna imagine how much better you taste."

They let it slide for the day, but the more time passed the more Akali caught herself thinking about it. She didn't want Jinx to be right, but she also didn't want to hurt her.

Still her self control was fading by the hour.

"You're right."

"As per usual, but you might wanna be more specific, toots" Jinx didn't even look up from her work.

"If I don't leave now, I will lose control." Her voice was silent but clear. She had made her decision. If Jinx still let her, she would take her offer.

Jinx turned to face her.

"You'll leave me?"

"What? No… I mean, if you want me to, I'll go…"

"Oh… OH you mean… you'll eat me. Well, bits of me."

"If you still let me?"

"I don't want you to go and I kinda don't want to die so… Yeah, take what you need."

"No… Not like this. Come" she held out her hand for the tinkerer to take and follow. She had decided to make it as bearable as possible.

Akali led the way to the bedroom and beckoned her victim lover to lay down.

"I won't just hurt you like that. Let me make it up. That's the least I can do."

She undressed the bluenette as slowly as possible, even as her scent clouded her senses.

Jinx let herself go completely pliant. She hadn't anticipated how much being prey turned her on. Her legs were parted and she watched her lover crawl between them. Burning red eyes were fixed on her pink ones as if she was given one last chance to tap out.

"Bring it on!" she dared.

That was all it took for Akali to dive in. But instead of biting she started eating her out fast and hard. Her tongue penetrated her with quick thrust while her nose nudged her clit. Before orgasm could hit the face was replaced with a hand, not changing pace.

Akali had her writhing in bliss when she bit her thigh. Blood streamed from the wound and filled her mouth. She swallowed as much as she could before the wound started closing.

Jinx came down from her high just to be hit with another wave of ministrations. Akali was face first in her cunt again. The smell and taste of her blood and juice mixing in an intoxicating way.

Their little game was repeated until Akali was sated and Jinx was near crying from overstimulation.

"Kiss me" Jinx demanded.

"I taste like sex and death"

"I know."

[transvamp]

OK. MY THOUGHTS & THEOREYS ABT THE NIER ANIME. spoilers under the cut if you give a shit

the show is actually kinda funny. definitely more so than the game is. like im not going to nier for comedy but there were a few moments that got laughs out of me, at least in the after credit puppet shows. i did outright fucking howl at the one where 2b and 9s were showing off their self destruct functions, the bit in that one caught me so off guard

i like the way the machines are getting fleshed out also like i feel like theres more of a focus on expanding on them. especially the simone fight specifically like oh my god when 9s got hacked by her that got me. but i mean the different machine centric scenes like the flower tending machine and pascal's flashback feel like an added layer onto what the game already provides abt machines

i also liked seeing shots of different yorha androids. i liked seeing the different designs for em i kinda wish we got to see some more of those fools

i think that it might be taking place after ending e of the game. like it would definitely be a lot of shit for the pods to bring back and all but i mean with some of the little bits of info like the fact androids are the ones that keep rebuilding the destroyed buildings in hopes of humanity's return, pascal's village being in a different location, and the fact you can see the destroyed sea machine when they first enter the flooded city rather than ever battling it in the anime stand out to me as like, this shit has happened before. its not been completely erased/rebuilt in the hopes of trying again, but things have happened before and something is being retried whether or not it will succeed. almost like 9s pointed out in the game when observing machines making the same mistakes over and over again, its like the point almost was to fail.

also with the reveal at the end of the red girls being in the bunker's servers, its making me think that the ark that was sent off in ending d with the machines data hit the bunker and was backed up into there. i cld be talking outta my ass with that one but i mean...

ALSO. WHEN 9S HACKED INTO EMIL'S MEMORIES AND IT SHOWED FLASHBACKS OF REPLICANT IT MADE ME SO ILL I WANTED TO THROW UP

speaking of i think that version of emil could be the original because of how many memories he retained of replicant compared to the fact the clones of emil dont rlly remember much without prompting

the way the characters are being swapped in certain ways is kind of making me feel insane. like comparing how in the game 9s is the one who (in the first half of the game) took on all the sidequests and seemed to be softening to machines and beginning to doubt his beliefs about them all needing to be destroyed, but in the anime hes still ruthless about machines, compared to how 2b is the opposite where shes the one agreeing to do the sidequests to help others and seems to be the one doubting her beliefs about machines and keeps hesitating to finish them off when being tasked to kill them. not to mention the fact they outright switched eve and adam's roles where eve is the one who dies first and adam is the one who goes out of his way to seek revenge out of grief.

adam is so brother nier coded in this one

ok i said that as a joke but honest to god i was feeling the brother nier energy in him im not kidding. also them using dark collosus as a theme song when adam attacks the resistance camp and in the massive machine form really reminded me of when shadowlord used the knave shade to attack nier's village. ALSO THE GIANT MACHINE LOOKED LESS LIKE A MACHINE AND MORE LIKE A SHADE! like it was an all black creature with golden threading on the limbs. this one i think is just me being sick in the fucking head but it got me ok.

also can we fucking talk about the fact that during the first adam fight in the copied city, he cloned 9s over and over to attempt to kill 2b like how the 2b clones tried to kill 9s in the tower. and how 9s is the one who had to force 2b's hand to land the killing blow on adam after their boss fight. and that he nearly stabbed her when the logic virus took over. and the preview for season 2 that had the frames where it looked like 2b was holding 9s' corpse again. um. i think 9s might be the one to die in season 2 and 2b is the one to go on a revenge mission because of it

9s is like so subtlely a sicko in this version like he always was but i neeeeed to grab him like a chew toy and tear him apart

i do like how much of a softie 2b is. she had her moments in the game but it plays into the part abt how i said shes the one to take on the other missions to help that 9s doesnt wanna do or thinks aint necessary. she is my best friend still

i need to fuck jackass autistically. sorry

[neo-shitty]

hope you dont mind me popping in to your inbox to scream abt whc1 bc you are truly the only person out of my friend circle that has watched it 😭😭 first of all

facts. he can do no wrong.

second of all its been days and i am still processing like this has never happened to me before ?? usually i am a lil :// until the rest of the day when i finish a sad drama but with this im just so heartbroken still. yesterday during a big mental breakdown (unrelated to the drama i am not THAT crazy ok) i realised why it hit me so hard and i think its bc i somehow relate to sieun (anger issues and all /j) and so i somehow projected into his character and so when it all went down with suho i just couldnt deal w it ?? I LEGIT HAD A MINI PANIC ATTACK it felt like it was happening to me 😭😭😭 like he was such comfort for me. he broke the cycle of loneliness and stereotype for sieun and i just really adored each interaction they had. the fact that they would both kill and die for each other makes me bawl my eyes out.

but when it all comes down to it, i understand beomseok, i really do, but i also dont. i dont think ill ever forgive that character, i just cant. i cant imagine how it must have felt for him and i couldnt be able to deal w life either if i was in his shoes, but my brain just cant grasp the lengths he went to hurt people that did nothing but care for him and tried to help him with everything. he's a complex character for sure, one you have to analyze to get, but i dont have it in me to have a single ounce of sympathy after the ending of the drama.

but to think that the parents and the adults were truly at fault here ?? beomseok being abused, sieun abandoned and neglected, suho not really having parents around either (i read somewhere that they are canonically abroad or something?? not too sure), the policemen not taking sieun seriously at first, the teachers seeing the shit happening and not doing anything to stop the bullying... where were everyones parents when all those kids got caught up w the gang? its truly sickening and heartbreaking to think that this truly could be happening anywhere and to anyone.

and it broke me so much bc i could accept beomseok drifting away from them and stuff, but to gang up on suho on his fucking birthday? sieun cooking and decorating with young yi and taking pics for her insta (i strongly believe her and sieuns friendship is SO underrated they were so cute together) and both of them just hid it from everyone to protect suho,, their sunshine ??? the poor boy must have been so confused and lonely on his bday and it makes me :( and then when he saw sieuns cast and went to avenge him ?? I read something about how suho always fought only in self defence but when he saw sieun hurt he crossed the line and fought with the purpose of hurting somebody only bc his best friend was put in danger and that- that broke me.

also i find it funny how i found the drama through a clip on tiktok where jihoon cried at watching the last scene where sieun breaks the window and i was like oh this should be just the right amount of sad for me rn and then i got emotionally damaged. :,)

yeah anyways my fav trope is found family and FUCK all of those who hurt my sunshine bc now im forever heartbroken.

sorry for the rant toffee but it did felt cathartic to write this all out

bar, please don't worry about it. feel free to come back any time you have to yell about it and i'll try to get back to you as soon as i can.

sooho was just too easy to love. we headed into that show blind HAHA we should've known it was too good to be true! i never saw it coming actually.

same !! took me days to get over this too. *hugs* i'm sorry about the mental breakdown, i hope you're feeling a bit better now !! oh the projection must've made the whole thing twice as hard. again, sooho was such a comfort character :( his happy go lucky nature was such a breath of fresh air esp when the themes occasionally got dark. i want that dynamic for me actually (to kill and die for each other, yes). i usually find it corny but it was so well executed here.

oh bumseok :( i think it's valid to simultaneously understand him but at the same time, find what he did unforgivable. i get where he was coming from and how he was just looking for a place to fit in—where he wasn't looked down on. idk how to describe it but when he started misreading the situation (like that whole bit abt sooho not following him on ig but following young yi), i think something in him snapped. he was so fed up with being helpless at home and at his previous school that when it happened a third time, he did everything to get back and lashed out.

I 100% BELIEVE THE ADULTS WERE ABSOLUTE SHITTIEST NEGLIGENT FUCKERS AROUND. like???? leaving a scamming syndicate to be dealt with by high schoolers?????? bumseok's fake ass politician dad??????? sure, sieun's parents were 'present' but emotionally distant, like check on your kids bitches or not have them at all god dAMN. i thought some of the aspects of the bullying were exaggerated bc from where i'm from it never gets that bad but hearing that to an extent, it was truthful about it just left me dumbfounded. how could parents allow things like this to happen under the radar? it's unbelievable and heartbreaking to me.

yeah, i thought bumseok would just join his cool boy squad but he really had to do whatever the fuck he did :D my girl, i know you read my tags and i was vile as fuck towards him but at the time i was just so angry too. also yes! youngyi and sieun's friendship <3 i wish they had more time </3 and honestly, if bumseok didn't do a whole 180, i think the four of them would make such a cute squad. like the way they would protect each other??? hmp :/

'i read something about how suho always fought only in self defence but when he saw sieun hurt he crossed the line and fought with the purpose of hurting somebody only bc his best friend was put in danger and that- that broke me.' i saw that the other day and that broke me to fucking hell i could sell anyone's soul to see them together again (SPECIFICALLY, with the other one being fine and out of comatose yes i would love that for me.

ohhh, i've been meaning to watch that vid of them reacting to whc1 but at the time it didn't have subs. jihoon's acting was so fucking effective like??? the sadness the eyes of that man has can sway me to do anything !! so sorry that you got so much more than just a little sad bout. heading into this drama blind was like bringing a knife to a whole war.

this show made me realize that tragedy could strike any pairing on any show and i wouldn't bat an eye but have the same happen to a found family and then i'm instantly destroyed. THE SHOW ACTUALLY REMINDED ME OF YOUR CHENJI FIC????? FUCK. please do let me know if you ever get around to writing something related to them haha i'm ready to be destroyed.

please do not ever apologize for ranting especially about this show !! i went through this whole phase ALONE last year (watching it after christmas was the biggest mistake, i ended my year DEPRESSED as FUCK) so i'm offering as much help as i can.

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

what does it mean to be free?

i think we were meant for just that . i think kurt cobain was right when he said people were evil but some people were just straight up basic. and how that brings others into this weird way of viewing themselves where they’re abstract and have to hide from others the fact that they’re just so abstract. it’s an awkward conversation when you try to bring that to the surface so you might as well just dodge it. i think it’s not just self-wallowing when you find that you’re quirky. but i think i’ll take upon the responsibility to make sure every basic and normal person finds their inner weird and inner abnormal because that’s what i think would make the world a bit more harmonious.

what confines humans to a mortar shell in this prison incel of a society , modern cage of iron - are concepts of money and guilt. that money is something to be afraid of losing, something to keep on gaining. survival is a rat race and fight of the fittest. i was in 7th grade in mr Gouldes science class that i absolutely abhorred with every other class except art and english but i somehow won the game of darwinsim we played as a class. i just know when we came to this earth we were nothing but babes, naked and innocent and afraid. bloodied from our mothers wombs , without social branding of numbers and personal identifications and silly little cell phones that heard us talking to curate more silly little ads. but i don’t think we were meant to live like this —in a robotic like state. and you know what i don’t give a fuck anymore? i don’t give a fuck about the structures and timelines that i ought to succeed here and ought to do the things i ought to do in those certain little ways until i breathe my final breath and just die — because i quite frankly don’t think it would matter. ill die in a rapid and tremendous yet small way and i’ll die in my honesty that i still think we were meant to be free.

free to love , free to nurture , free to do as many as the drugs we want because nature vs nurture couldn’t have prepared us for the amount of fucking bullshit that life herself had devotedly surprised us with … like a gift wrapped in soft pastel tissue paper. i think some of us are too fucked up to live sober and that’s ok. i think some of us won’t ever be able to understand that and that’s ok . i think some of us will stand in the in-between carrying the guilt and the shame from not knowing how to think about sobriety and drugs but the solace in the fact that we could die from medication because we tries to kill the pain. and im utterly convinced once again that nothing matters. and once again, i am convinced nothing matters. but love. and that that’ll be the only reason why i choose to live, for love.

though my inherent values defy this world and call it breaking the law, call it unabiding or even uncivil. just as i am a published writer n i still don’t know how to spell basic words. i write for me. i let my words be for me. i let them mean what they want for me. i will live my life FOR ME.

they tell us not to smoke, not to drink, to be drug free …. but what they don’t tell us is how good it feels to be finally relived. what they wanted from me was to be an adult and by that they meant to take the child out of me. but why take the final parts? im too “immature im too young im too naive.” i think ive heard it all to the point where i interpret it as i kant simply just Be.

. …. i want to live like the kids of nostalgia, summertime sadness and godsent blue where i take risks and impulsive decisions because i really just want to. my therapist says that not all impulsive decisions means you’re self harming. i want to be in the back seat of my moms dodge chevrolet again with my headphones and big frown wrinkling my forehead wondering if ill feel this way forever and hating it but never realizing just how easy it was to just think that was all there was to feel and even that felt like the weight of the entire world. but years go on and you realize not every feeling is like another. and freedom isn’t always living in the wild eating berries n dreaming of electric fans. i think it’s just so funny when i feel the most enlightened when i’m crying and dry heaving after these drug binges but i know i’d miss a lot of things if i werent here today and tomorrow and forever. but i don’t want to live forever, i want to live everyday ….. with the sound of my friends voices vibrating through my ears as my brain comprehends their language to words to meaning to feelings like 8 track memories

i want to make absolutely no absolute promises because i really don’t know when it’ll stand true at the end if i’m honest. i want to live fully freely and safely with no one taking that away from me. i want to be free.

[agathasangel]

leave everything behind but me- part 3 (diane sherman x fem!reader)

Ok, I’m back! I haven’t been writing much but life is crazy. Hopefully part 4 will come sooner than this one did.

Warnings: Same as last time, all the things you’d expect with Diane. Sickness, drugging, manipulation, stalking, and the reader gets chained up at one point. Still no smut, but I guess there’s some implied sex?

Summary: You finally know for sure that there’s something... off with Diane. You try to find out more information, and she does everything in her power to make sure that she gets what she wants... which is you.

When you woke up, Your head was on Diane’s shoulder, her hand softly carding through your hair. It felt so nice that you forgot what you saw earlier. But then you remembered.

“Hey Diane?”

“Yes, my love?”

“Why are you logged into Anna’s facebook?”

She laughed, “Why am I what?”

“I opened your laptop. I wanted to look up what my symptoms were but I saw your facebook, and it said you were also logged into Anna’s account.”

“I was just looking at her page, trying to make sure she was safe, you must have been looking at my search history.”

“I thought it was in ‘other accounts’... like you were using her account to... message me... or something.”

“You’re delirious, sweetheart. Go back to sleep.”

She held you a bit tighter and you relaxed and allowed yourself to feel reassured by the excuse and you fell asleep to Diane stroking your hair and whispering to you.

“Shhh... it’ll all be ok baby... I love you... Mommy loves you...”

So you allowed yourself to fall back asleep. When you woke up, Diane was still next to you. She was trying to grade homework, but all she could focus on was watching you sleep. She always did this, every time you fell into a medicine-induced nap she watched you as you slept, and she liked to watch you fall asleep every night too. You knew that it was weird, but you found it endearing, in a way.

“How are you feeling, honey?”

“Better... still weak but better than before...”

“Good... my poor girl... I’m sorry for everything. I know I triggered your illness by yelling at you last night and scaring you but I promise, I’ll never do it again... but you know you’re all mine, right?”

“I know, Diane. I’m yours. I need you. So much.”

“Right. You need me. And I need you too. Come here.”

You rested your head on her shoulder and nuzzled into her as she spoke again.

“(Y/n), you don’t think I would ever actually hurt you, right? You sounded so afraid of me earlier, I’m worried.”

“N-no Diane... I know you wouldn’t hurt me. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry, my love. Come closer,” She said as she grabbed you and kissed you deeply. You closed your eyes, kissed back, and allowed her to take full control. Before you knew it, you were lying on your back and she was on top of you, but it didn’t feel right.

“N-no, Diane, stop... not now.”

“Oh, okay, okay sweetie, get some rest. Let’s just cuddle, okay?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

The truth was, you still felt suspicious of Diane. You were worried her intentions with you were bad. That she was somehow making you sick. Before meeting her, you didn’t get sick very often. Now, you seemed to be getting mysterious illnesses often, and they usually got worse whenever Diane was upset.

That night, the two of you had a movie night and she helped you walk to the couch. It was hard. You didn’t want to be suspicious of Diane. You were still in love with her, and there was a part of you that wanted to forget all of it and just let her do whatever she wants to you. To be her baby girl to take care of forever. But you just couldn’t forget that easily. You wanted to have a normal life with Diane eventually, you wanted to be self-sufficient and not to have to depend on her for everything. You needed to figure out what the hell she was hiding.

So you forced yourself to stay awake until Diane fell asleep. Because she liked to watch you as you fell asleep, you just pretended to doze off on the couch. You felt her stroke your hair and whisper things to you... you knew she did this, but you never quite understood what she was saying because you she wouldn’t start until you were barely awake. And because she thought you were asleep, she was a bit more honest.

“I love you, (y/n)... you’re mine, all mine... I’m sorry for hurting you... everything I’ve ever done to you is for your own good... I will never lose you.. my sweet baby...” she continued whispering in your ear as she held you and started to drift off to sleep, but what stuck in your head was I’m sorry for hurting you, everything I’ve ever done to you is for your own good.

What did that mean? Was she making you sick? Did she steal Anna’s facebook and make her stop contacting you? Was she just pretending to be Anna this whole time to get you to come out this way? Did she follow you? Drug you?

These questions all continued to run through your head as Diane fell asleep and you managed to free yourself from her grasp. You ran a hand through her hair to make sure she wouldn’t wake up, and she didn’t. You got out of bed and snuck into the kitchen, still feeling lightheaded but managing. You fell and there was a loud bang of your body hitting the floor, but nobody came. you crawled the rest of the way and then managed to get to the medicine cabinet. But of course, it was locked. She never let anyone in there. You tried for a long time to pick the lock but didn’t know how, and your blurry vision didn’t quite help. You started hearing footsteps and panicking.

Damnit, I must have woken Diane up when I fell!

Then you felt a sharp pain in your neck, and the last thing you felt before everything went completely black was Diane catching you.

The last thing you heard was “Don’t worry, I’m here, Mommy’s here.”

When you woke up, you were in a dim room you didn’t recognize. It must have been the basement of the house, because you could still hear Diane talking to herself and singing upstairs. You were chained to the radiator. You had some room to move, but you couldn’t look up the stairs to see what was going on or what Diane was doing.

Why was she doing this? What did she plan on doing to you?

“Diane! DIANE! What’s going on? Where are you? Diane!” you yelled as loud as you could.

“Diane! Help me! Please! let me out!”

“I’ll be right down sweetheart!” said Diane in the cheeriest voice, as if you weren’t chained up and screaming for help.

She came down the stairs and you immediately asked her

“What the fuck is going on? What are you going to do to me? What do you want?”

“What I want, (y/n), is for you to stay with me. For you to be my baby... forever. And that can’t happen with you doubting, or questioning me. You were wanting to run away, weren’t you, (y/n)? They always do. They always try to get away from me.”

“No, I just wanted to see what was in the medicine cabinet. I was- I was afraid that you were making me sick. I’ve never been this sick, this weak before in my entire life until I met you.”

“And if you found out, would you run away?”

“I don’t know, Diane. I should. But I don’t know if... I don’t know if I could.”

“Oh please, they all do. But don’t worry, I’ve been preparing something to make you forget everything, and make you my baby again. You’ll wake up, and this will never have happened. And you’ll be mine, forever. You’ll be protected from this awful world, and I’ll have someone to love. It will be perfect, if you’ll just cooperate!”

“So you were.. making me sick?”

“You were sick. You were so sick, (y/n), and I took care of you and that’s all that matters.”

“But- I could be okay now... I could still be with you, and everything can just be normal... you don’t have to do this.. we could have a real life together, Diane! Please.”

Diane looked at you sadly, “But then, you wouldn’t need me. And you would leave. Like my daughter, my husband, everyone else I’ve ever loved. Once they didn’t need me anymore, they just ran away. But you won’t.”

You didn’t know what to do. You were chained up and even if you were to find a way out, you had nowhere to go, and Diane could so easily follow you, and yo could end up right back here.

“No. I won’t leave. Diane, I won’t leave just please stop...”

Diane went into a closet to pull out some suspicious looking chemicals and syringes, and started making something with them.

“Diane, what are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? Are you... are you going to kill me?”

“No! Don’t ever say that (y/n), I would never! I would never hurt you, and I couldn’t bear to lose you! And I may have done some bad things, but I am not a murderer. I would never..” said Diane, starting to cry a little bit as she dropped what she was doing and walked over to you, wrapping her arms around you. You tried to resist, but considering that you were bound, there was just about nothing you can do.

“(Y/n), I know this is all very scary. But I promise, it’s for your own good. I know what’s best for you, baby. You need me, you need this. You need someone like me. I will love you and protect you the way that your parents never could. No one had ever given you the love you deserve, or even the love you need. No one understood you. Not your parents, your teachers, the other students. Your whole life, people have hurt you. Your parents neglected you, your friends always let you down. You felt less than, you felt unworthy of love. I know how you used to dream of the day you would meet someone who just made you feel good enough for them. You deserve so much better than that. I’m going to give that to you, if you’ll just let me. I love you, (y/n), more than anyone else ever could. My love is intense, I know, but just let me give you what you need. Please (y/n). Baby, my sweet little girl...” you started to cry while Diane said this, she made you want her, but you felt so helpless at the same time. You let Diane alternate between kissing you and whispering sickly sweet things into your ear.

“Baby, I’ll be right back. I need to get something for you from upstairs.”

[shinygoku]

very intrigued to see what you think of Henry!!! ^v^ (character ask!)

Another day, another Big Green! (The others are Piccolo and Thunderbird 2 lmao)

First impression

"Green ver of that one big creepy dude" (Look, when I was Babby I saw a Gordon picture somewhere that minorly spooked me lmao)

Impression now

Ahh, Henry! In some ways, very much like Duck! Green, long nose, popular with the fans and I'm here like Yeah he's a good fixture of the series lol

Ok well, maybe I should disclaim that he's not one of my favourites, which is partly as I guess it's a bit hard to nail down his personality.

His, for lack of a better term, Illness Arc is fascinating and oddly Real for a series about machinery. Something's genuinely amiss with him, but the lack of a clear cause (at least, to the other engines, who presumably don't know he was built from stolen, incomplete plans and the logical issues that would arise from that) and his frequent complaints turn the other characters off wanting to hear about it, thinking he's exaggerating. Then the Welsh Coal stopgap is found! Then the very next story he has a horrible crash but it was a blessing in disguise because then he's rebuilt as a Black 5 and his health issues are gone forever! (ain't we envious of machines now?) Until Lazy Writer Disease sets in Meta-wise, but more on that later.

I think it's safe to say that it's Entry Level RWS Knowledge to know Awdry's frustrations with the character, and it is kind of hilarious how much he tried to write him out, and iirc Henry wound up with the most appearances and 'his' book has 5 stories instead of the uniform 4 for some reason. But it seems it takes further Lazy Corporate Mandates to actually write him out in BwBa which really sucks and is doing such an iconic lad horribly dirty.

Pictured: Henry as seen by Awdry/Mattel, who are about to just shove him out of the story with varying degrees of success.

Well yeah, for me I can't really settle on an opinion because he never seems to have anything solid after the Rebuild. He's kind of the nicer one out of the Terrible Trio, but sometimes he's as bitchy and obnoxious as Gordon without prompting. He seems to be pretty unlucky and sometimes his misfortunes are self inflicted, but they don't commit to this bit. He gets his (in)famous forest, much to Awdry's chagrin, but it does offer a nice gentler side to him. He also seems to be the main Fast Freight engine, particularly more Fish shipments, but this doesn't really inform his character. He all too often feels like a Spare, Green Gordon who's less full of himself (but still gets boughts of Envy and inflated self importance, like Tenders for Henry), and that's a shame because this nebulous lack of anything concrete seems to be why Bad TatMR Writing diagnosed him with Need Welsh Coal again for quite a long time (dunno if that only changed when Mattel/Brenner came in or not). But then the US dub makes him sound like w--dy all-n and that's the worst treatment of all! I kind of understand the temptation to make him the resident worrier but HUUURGHGHH NOT LIKE THAT

So yeah, the better characterization of him needs to strike a good balance of him being ...I guess a Gentle Giant, who enjoys nature and maybe is a smidge prone to bouts of feeling jealous. Maybe catches the engine version of colds more than the others because the early morning runs in the freezing air? I dunno, I'm trying to combine several traits that have been in Henry but never seemed to stick. But done properly, I could really get behind a nice, faceted character like that~

Favourite moment

It feels a bit mean to say, but it's due to the strength of the episode itself with the fantastic visuals, godly music and shocking drama (with a nice bonus of Correct Head Codes!) that put Flying Kipper at the top of this list!

Another part of this ep, is the beginning where the Driver is saying "Don't tell Gordon, but if you pull this nicely, the Fat Controller may let you pull the Express!". Like, that really squeezes my heart, because his driver is rooting for him, the prospect of a better regarded job is floating there, and knowing what eventually happens, it's like... oof! But in a good way.

...Also I think that must have been something Awdry added after deciding not to kill him off because having that bit and for it to all go up in flames would have made children and me extremely upset and he would have been buried under letters of complaint from angry mothers of the time.

Idea for a story

Other than the overly simple and grimdark "he was in fact killed that day" type coma inducers, I suppose the Two Henries theory being explored could offer some interesting interactions.

Like, what if the Henry who rolls back into The Big Station is instantly accepted and in fact, liked more than og Henry? What if the other engines instead couldn't fully relax around him? Were his memories perfect? Too Perfect?

And what would happen if OG Henry were later discovered... (and in what condition?) Dun Dun Dun dododo Dun!

The thing is, it is hard to really explore this because it's innately such a dark, heavy concept. I don't enjoy the 'Authoritarian Hellscape" lameass interpretation by normies. I like my silly workcom on the rails with warm fuzzies and funny antics, thank you very much!

Unpopular opinion

Some of his faces (even before the worsening first inflicted by Magic Railroad) are pretty weird looking! Maybe cause his forehead is so huge and smooth, but maybe just the odd mouth shapes. I like the variety, but they aren’t what I’d call cute... I find myself thinking ‘Moon Face’ looking at him [even with the lack of craters lmao] and oops I think I missed the weirdest grin of all, but here’s a small sample anyway

Favourite relationship

Not a favourite, per say, but some of the more friction-ish interactions he has with Thomas or Percy are pretty funny. With Thomas’ immortal flippant disregard to viaduct safety, Percy retorting that engines with Proper Funnels do, in fact, need scarves, something Henry wouldn’t know about, and that Henry somehow manages to dismiss Bill and Ben, a feat Gordon needs to take notes from. Even the Something in the Air exchange with Thomas, which isn’t really stellar writing just has a funny lame argument vibe.

For some nice Wholesome interaction, Bear is hands down the winner! Easy pick maybe, and it makes me wonder if Bear’s complete absence in the TVS is part of the downward spiral because he’d offer a lot more Plotlines.... hmmm...!

Favourite headcanon

Other than the universal fandom acceptance that He Digs Nature, Baby is the notion I’ve seen a few times that his “fear” of the rain, or what it would do to his paint, isn’t actually why he stopped in the tunnel, and it had more to do with his mechanical failure and/or him having something of a nervous breakdown. He does come across as something of an ass if you take the episode at face value, but there having a secret deeper meaning is way more interesting 👀

[inkstarillustrates]

Aight bitches, headcanons for my version of the WATXM Cartoon's 'Mortimer Toynbee'

(TW: Death, suicide, depression, mental illness, body horror but it's not that bad)

-The stage we see Mortimer at in the show is most likely him as an 18 - 20 year old, still in the juvenile stages of his mutation as it occurred after the death of his mother Esmerelda. Esmerelda was a kind and meek but busy woman who ultimately died from a stroke caused by high blood pressure. She worked 3 high stress jobs in order to try and keep a roof over her and Mort's heads as his father gave up his rights because he "Didn't want a freak for a son and that he'd never be his son."

-When his mutation actually began to show after her death when he was 3, Mortimer's once ivory skin turned fully green and due to the neglect his hair became matted in chunks (the braids we see in the show), his hygiene dropped to little to no self-care because of the new allergic reactions he'd get when his new sensitive skin came into contact with the naturally chemical loaded body washes, deodorants, shampoo, and tooth pastes that he had. He turned to showering with just water and brushing his teeth with just water, but the water the brotherhood has access to was INCREDIBLY dirty and laced with chemicals that made him sick.

-Mortimer is actually incredibly smart, but others would feel threatened by him when he tried to show this so he mainly acts dumb and stupid as a way to avoid conflict and aggression from people (Specifically Pietro and Dominikos).

-At 22 he finally leaves the brotherhood after being there for 4 years and tries to take his own life only to realize he's developed superhuman durability and a healing factor. This immediately makes him frustrated because he feels he's been punished and forced to live a miserable life.. And in comes Spider-Man who talks him out of trying to jump and takes him to SHIELD.

-After a few days at SHIELD's holding cells he makes a bit of an impression on Fury who offers him a role as an agent. Mortimer, a people pleaser who'll take any chance to climb up the ladder in life, immediately agrees and sets to work training.

-As he trains, his mutation gets stronger and he unlocks more abilities he never thought he could have: Superhuman strength, durability, endurance, agility, senses, special eyesight, chemical and toxin production, flexible bone structure, superhuman lungs, telepathic communication with amphibians, acidic saliva, flaming tongue, and a venomous pheremone secretion that allows for mind control.

-The final step was when he fell extremely ill and it was discovered that his genetic makeup was severely broken due his involvement in an experiment called the Black Womb Project, ran by Charles Xavier's step-father/Juggernaut's father Kurt Marko. This left Mortimer's DNA and mutation severely unstable and it almost caused him to loose control of his new powers and have multiple mental breakdowns and even a manic episode where was on an extreme high before going through psychosis in which he believed Magneto was out to kill him for leaving his son's group.

-After having a hell of a few months, Mortimer is put through a new process called Genetic Rehabilitation designed for mutants who've been forced through experimentation programs and have had their DNA damaged.

-After a while his skin turns from 100% green to 40% green with lots of ivory patches. The tops of his hands, chest, stomach, inside of his legs, and the tops and bottoms of his feet are a pale ivory color while his back, neck, cheek and temples, arms, his sides, and the outsides of his legs are varying shades of soft green with patches of dark green ranging in sizes from small to giant patches on his joints and sockets (shoulders, elbows, knees, and hips) which he's self-concious about at first but comes to love his new look. The most shocking part is his eyes which become black with amber irises that have flicks of lime and gold in them.

-Along with getting therapy for his DNA and body, he gets therapy for his mental health which.. Hoo boy he was and still is strugglin (but not as bad). He has: BPD, C-PTSD, GAD, ODD, and Depression.

-Absolutely loves brushing and caring for his hair, which, after it's unmatted and cleaned of bugs and gunk is ass length and black with a silky shine to it. He still wears his old bandana thing

-Has picked up playing a musical instrument in his spare time. If he isn't working, tinkering with his suit, gear, and gadgets then he's playing... The violin?

-He's suprisingly good at it.

-After becoming a shield agent he starts to get more confidence before meeting a mutant who was currently in SHIELD's custody... Said mutant being the oc of @ohmygillygoshoppler

-Callista and Mortimer become close, he spends lunchbreaks with her, constantly volunteers to be her guard/escort when she's let out.

-Ok so, dad headcanons lETS GO

-Cal and Mort end up having a daughter named after his mom, and her thing is having her mom's monster mouth with mouths on her hands that can shoot out 13ft long flaming tongues. Esme (or Esmerelda) absolutely becomes a rescue hero

-Callie is into clown/circus lolita outfits and Mortimer is a grunge punk. Esme never gets dressed in the basic ass kids clothes, she looks like mini Wednesday Addams.

-This child never gets put down (physically), Mort or Cal are always holding her.

-Mort and Esme are the epitome of "Don't talk to me or my kid ever again" while Esme is copying her dad's glare.

-Alright, Mort's strong.

-Like, really strong. He didn't even know how strong until he was cornered on his first mission as a shield agent and he kicked his enemy with his leg so hard he decapitates them.

-He can kick hard enough to knock down concrete walls, snap people in half, crack and damage paved roads, and create enough air pressure to knock people over.

-His tongue can crush skulls

-He could get hit by a semi-truck and still walk away with a few bruises

-Develops a bite force of 1,000 PSI (Less than a polar bear)

-He bench presses 3 tons with his legs and 1 ton with his arms

-Develops retractable claws that can lengthen and shorten, he uses these to fight.

-Looks like he could kill you, can kill you but has the energy of a golden retriever puppy

-As he ages he becomes more.. Forgiving? Of the people who've hurt him, specifically Pietro. He'll forgive but never forget, it's like when you drop a mug. It won't ever be the same.

-I imagine he fights a lot like how Deku does? The leg based fighting and shoot style is a big part of his fight style.

-Legs for daaaaaaaays, they're so long. Also he's 5'8 now because Toad is canonically 5'8 - 5'10 and he'll hold it over Wolverine while snickering.

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO, “A bucket.”

I wrote this little fluff piece this morning because I didn’t have the energy to write anything else. Still fighting with my motivation right now, but I hope you all like it :)

The air smelled like fall, wet dirt, a chill, and the unmistakable tang of mouldering leaves raked into large yellowing piles. The sky overhead was blue, and it was just beginning to warm as the sun peaked higher into the sky.  Standing on the sidewalk, he stared down the street of his childhood watching orange and yellow leaves fall to the pavement. In the distance he could hear the shouting of children, and watched decorative skeletons clatter and blow in a light wind.

A soft crunching noise jogged him from his musings, and he turned to see Sunny contemplatively staring at a yellowed leaf, only to watch her pop it into her mouth and crunch on it like it was a potato chip.

He frowned at her and she turned to look at him, “What?”

“Seriously?”

“What do you mean, Seriously?”

“Gonna go ahead and eat the fall ambiance?”

She frowned at him,” The trees aren’t using them anymore, and I don’t see you eating them.” He just shook his head at her, and turned to walk up the front steps and onto the porch. She paused to stare at the cluster of pumpkins on the front steps, and the grizzly faces that were carved into them. His father was a master at pumpkin carving, evidenced by the fact that Sunny made, “What the hell.” she turned to look at Adam and he shrugged.

“What are those?”

“Pumpkins/”

“That does not answer my question.”

“THey are a type of squash or gourd or…. Or something. People grow and eat them most of the time, but it is traditional, in october to carve scary faces on them for fun. Maybe mom has another one lying around and will let you try it out.”

“But why?”

“Back in the day people thought that doing this would help to fend off evil spirits, but now it is more of a contest to flex who is the most artistic. Dad wins every year.”

They stepped onto the porch where fallen leaves were still clinging wetly to the front steps and knocked.

“It’s open!” Came the voice from inside 

The two of them slipped in, Adam taking off his shoes and Sunny wiping her damp feet on the entrance rug.

They walked into the living room to find his mother, Martha sitting on the floor at the center of an explosion of pictures, and a couple of open binders.

Adam and Sunny walked in very carefully stepping over the pictures.

“Sorting the photo album again?” “Again, the last time I did this was almost ten years ago.” 

Adam wantered closer to his mother and Sunny curiously examined some of the photos, until one caught her eye.

A very tiny, chubby human barely able to stand on his own, and with bright green eyes.

She picked up the picture gingerly in one hand, “Awww is this you? You and your fat little cheeks.”

Adam turned, and Sunny held up the picture. Adam blushed and Martha laughed, Sunny looked at the next picture in the line, which seemed to be paired to the first, but now the small boy had a large bucket on his head, his feet sticking out from underneath. The bucket had holes in the side.

“What are you doing.”

Martha laughed again, “We were playing hide and seek.” Adam was still blushing madly as she continued, “He grew into his intelligence late in life.”

***

Martha walked slowly from the back room into the living room, “Ready or not here I come.”

The house was mostly quiet. The rest of her brood was out with their father on a hike for the day, but their littlest had woken up with a slight cough so she had decided to keep him home. He had spent the first half of the day lethargic, but around lunch time after some strawberries he had perked up and become  his usual exhausting self.

“Come out come out. I’m gonna get you.”

It was the giggling that gave him away, but when she turned to look she paused, sagged a bit and rolled her eyes covering her smile and laugh with a hand. The living room was completely clean, aside from a round laundry basket sitting dead in the middle, and two chubby little legs sticking out from under it. Not to mention that since it was a laundry basket it had holes in the side, and she could see him looking at her from inside.

She discreetly took a picture and quietly to herself Lord child i hope you grow into your brains soon

But instead of calling him out on his hiding spot she wandered around the room hands on hips, “Now where could he have gone…. Could he be under here?”

Giggling 

She kept up the pretence for the longest time until he seemed to have gotten tired of her charade. She heard the bucket tip over and he ran over on his stubby little legs grabbing her by the leg.

She acted surprised, “OH there you are!. I have been looking ALL over.”

He grinned and hugged her leg again.

She reached down and picked him up and he rested his head against her shoulder.

That was another thing about her youngest. He was VERY VERY cuddly, and she idly wondered what that would translate to when he got older. She patted his back and tried to fix his unruly blond hair which stuck up from all sides of his head, but it was no use, she sighed and gave up.

Oh well, she tried her best.

***

“You know honestly sometimes he is STILL as dumb as a pile of bricks.” Sunny mused setting the picture back down.

Adam rubbed the back of his neck, “I got my masters in aviation and orbital physics.””

“And yet who is the one who insists on putting strange alien plants in his mouth without knowing i they are safe or not.”

Martha frowned at her youngest.

He frowned back, “That is hardly fair, you eat them.”

“I also eat leaves, doesn’t mean you can too.”

She sifted through the pictures and barked a laugh at one that caught her eye, she picked it up, what are you doing. She turned the picture around, and Adam blushed madly. Martha laughed, “Oh yeah, we had to call the fire department for that one.”

“No, no no we are not going to be telling that story.”

A firefighter and a cop framed either side of the picture both giving exaggerated thumbs up with a young boy\ mabe seven or eight in the background stuck, backside first in a bucket of some sort, looking very embarrassed.

Martha grinned, “I think you were seven or eight maybe.”

“IT was Jeromy’s fault.”

****

“I dare you.”

The four boys and one girl stood  at the top of the hill staring down.

Maya, who was fifteen years old, older by five years than Jeremy who was eleven, frowned down the hill, “What if he runs into one of those trees.”

“He's got a thick skull, he’ll be ok.” Thomas said ruffling Adam’s hair viciously so the younger boy squirmed protested and ducked away. Adam was a very small boy, shorter than average and very thin. His clothes always seemed too big, his shirts baggy, and the shorts he was wearing were forced to stay on only by the belt his father had had to poke three more holes into to make it fit.

Even his sneakers seemed too big flopping around on his feet with floppy untied laces. 

“Who is even going to fit in that?” David asked.

Arguably the smartest of the three brothers, it hadn’t occurred to the others that none of them would fit.

That’s when all their heads turned to look at Adam.

Adam frowned, “But I don’t want to.”

“Chiken.” Thomas said 

“Come on your the only one small enough.” Jeremy urged.

“I see your chances of dying as very low, “ David interjected helpfully.

Maya tossed her braid back over one shoulder, “We should at least put some padding down at the bottom. Because if he gets hurt mom will kill me.”

Maya was technically supposed to be babysitting them, and keeping them out of trouble. But as was common with their family, she was not immune to the pull of a hair brained idea especially not when she was just to curious to see how it turned out.

Adam stomped his foot, “But you guys ALWAYS make me do it.”

“Because the buckets are ALWAYS too small for us, “Come on don’t be a chicken.”

Adam sighed and walked over to the barrel. He tired crawling inside it backwards, and when that didn’t work he attempted to go in face first, but every time he was just to tall.

He shook his head, “Too small.”

David looked at him very thoughtfully, and then an idea seemed to jump into his head.

“Not if we fold you in half.”

Adam frowned at him.

“Come on, hold the barrel upright.” The other boys did as told, while David instructed Adam to sit inside butt first.

Adam frowned, “But that doesn’t sound very comfortable, and how am I going to get out.”

“We will tip you out, don’t worry.”

Adam frowned but then allowed himself to slide down into the barrel. It was immediately very uncomfortable.

He wanted to tell them to pull him out but by that time he had been tipped over onto his side, “Ready?”

“No.”

They ignored him.

Adam was near panicking now, it wasn’t exactly easy to breathe.

“Three, two, one.”

And then the world was spinning around him. He rocked and bounced and spun so fast his eyes rolled inside his head. He screamed but the scream was cut off as he slammed painfully into something.

Dazed and sure he was going to vomit, he heard voices.

“Oh no, Adam!”

“Adam are you ok!”

Footsteps raced down the hill.

“Oh no we killed him!”

“Shut up He’s still alive, look.” Something kicked his foot, and he groaned.

He’s still breathing.

“Let him out.”

Something tugged on his feet. But it only managed to pull him and the barrel with it.

“Here you guys hold the bucket and we will pull him out.

Wat ensued was a horrible tug of war on his legs and on the bucket neither of which seemed to want to let go.

“STOP!”

They dropped his legs.

“Um, what if we tipped the bucket upside down?”

“Ok.”

The four of them tried really hard, and at one point almost succeeded until someone’s hand slipped and Adam crashed into the ground very painfully. He was near panic now, “Guys! Get me out of here.”

David patted his foot, “Its ok, ill get you out, ‘we just need science.”

Science turned out to be a  shoddy pulley system that went over the swing set and was designed to let them lift the bucket by way of rope and shake Adam out onto the ground.

The problem was the rope kept slipping off the bucket.

“Oh… no.”

A car rolled over gravel.

“Oh no, dad’s home.”

They heard a car door slammed shut, and Adam felt as the others hurriedly rolled him behind the swingset.

A door opened and the jangle of keys followed their father around the side of the house.

“There you all are, glad to see everyone is still in one piece, you didn’t burn the house down.”

“Nope.”

“Nope.”

There was sudden silence, “Where is Adam.”

“Uh, he…. He is us, around here somewhere.” Jeremy had always been bad at lying 

Their father turned his gaze on Maya, “Maya what is going on.”

“Uh…. nothing dad, we….”

“Don’t even try it….”

She sagged a bit, “We got Adam stuck in a barrel.”

There was a moment of silence, he heard the shifting of footsteps, “You got Adam stuck in a-” The light filtering into the barrel was cut off and he saw the silhouette of his father’s head, “Huh, you weren’t kidding. You are okay in their kiddo.”

His muffled reply came.

“Yeah…. I guess.”

Their dad grabbed the barrel by one end, tipped it over and shook Adam a few times. WHen nothing happened he gently set him back down, “Huh.”

“I hold and you pull his feet, “” They tried again but it didn’t work the second time either.

“Well, I have some tools in the garage.”

Adam began to panic as he thought of his dad's circular table saw.

“NO!”

“Ok ok.”

He heard his dad quiet for a minute and then, “Hey Joe, yeah this is Jim Vir….. doing good, and you, how about the family….. Glad to hear it….. Yeah anyway, my kids got my youngest boy stuck in a barrel like the geniuses they are, and I can’t seem to get him out. You want to send me a firefighter or two with something that can help….. Yeah thanks joe.”

Adam was relieved.

Of course as it turned out it was a slow day at both the police department AND the fire station, so what came rolling up was a motorcade of emergency vehicles. Adam was so embarrassed he wished he could melt through the barrel and into the ground as a group of cops and firefighters walked over to peer down at him from above.

“That looks comfortable.”

“How are you doing there son?”

There barrel was tipped back over, and he even saw his father sna a few pictures as the firefighters and police went to work surrounding the barrel. Of course since the entire towns emergency crew were here that drew curious neighbors who couldn’t help but laugh along with Jim at the antics of his children.

The wors part is when Martha showed up, and ran from the car scared out of her mind assuming something horrible had happened, only to find her husband laughing and taking pictures with the local emergency response team, and her youngest stuck in an oversized bucket.

At the end of the day they were forced to cut him out, but the sweet relief when he tipped onto the ground free at least was almost worth the embarrassment. He might not have thought that if he had known there was still a picture in both the police department and the fire station of him as a kid stuck in a barrel.

***

Sunny was laughing at him by the time Martha was done with her story.

He grimaced, “Why do you only keep finding the embarrassing pictures.

“Oh what is this,”

“What are you wearing?”

Adam covered his eyes.

“Oh yeah, I couldn’t get my other boys to wear it, but he would model anything for me when I needed it. This was when I was doing a commission for a Seventies themed party. Isn’t he adorable.”

“Is that a jumpsuit, and what is with those glasses.”

Adam looked up at the sky.

“And of course when Maya moved out, and I didn’t have the money for a mannequin….”

Sunny picked up another picture, “That is one big ass dress.”

“Ah yes the bell skirts, doesn’t he look nice.”

Adam grunted and cleared his throat, “I think you'll find corsets are surprisingly comfortable. Second of all, I rock the regency and victorian periods, and no one can tell me otherwise.”

He might as well own it.

This was the 41st century, dresses weren’t just for women anymore, and some of them had been quite comfortable.

They would never really be his style, but he could see  why someone else would find them appealing.

By this point both Sunny and martha had migrated to the couch where they looked through embarrassing pictures of him as a baby and shared embarrassing stories. Sometimes gross stories as he sat on the other side of the room and suffered silently. Sunny seemed to be enjoying herself though, so he let it slide.

Seeing her happy was nice, since it hadn’t been very common over the past few months.

He blamed himself for that, and wondered idly how long it would take for her to fully forgive him.

He hoped not long.

[connorandersons-blog]

Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Connor/Gavin Reed Characters: Connor, Gavin Reed Additional Tags: Connor Has ADHD, Oral Fixation, Stim Toys, Gavin Reed Being Less of an Asshole, Gay Disaster Gavin Reed, Gift Giving, Deviant Connor, Post-Pacifist Best Ending, Semi-Public Sex, Bathroom Sex, Oral Sex, Rough Oral Sex, Blow Jobs, Public Blow Jobs, Coming Untouched, Getting Together

Summary:

Everyone knew Connor put things in his mouth constantly, it was just a fact of life at this point. He mostly did so while investigating, which Gavin had had the curse (or pleasure) of seeing many times. It got Hank to curse, which was pretty funny, and it made Gavin think things he shouldn't, which was very much not funny.

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Everyone knew Connor put things in his mouth constantly, it was just a fact of life at this point. He mostly did so while investigating, which Gavin had had the curse (or pleasure) of seeing many times. It got Hank to curse, which was pretty funny, and it made Gavin think things he shouldn't, which was very much not funny.

Gavin had complained too, trying not to stare at the android who just blinked innocently up at him, because of course he always crouched down when he did it. There was no way the fucker didn’t know exactly what he made people think of when he pulled shit like that.

Then came the pens and pencils Connor would stick in his mouth while at the precinct. It was actually pretty cute for the most part, not that Gavin would tell Connor that, but it was so very human of him to chew on pencils when he was thinking. It was always amusing when Connor would break a pencil, but it was absolutely hilarious when he’d break a pen.

The first time it happened Gavin hadn’t been able to hold back his laughter at the way the ink covered Connor and his mouth. He’d pouted so hard that Gavin felt pretty bad and even went to drag a few paper towels from the break room.

He came back to see Connor yanking his tie off and undoing the buttons on his shirt with his dainty fingers. Gavin was completely frozen, blue screened, for a few seconds before he shook himself and continued to walk the rest of the way. He shoved the towels at Connor before storming away, cursing about useless androids and their mindlessness.

He kept his head down, ignoring the fact that Connor was stripping out of his shirt right there in the middle of the bullpen. He saw a few other officers stop and stare, but Connor paid them no mind at all.

After the fifth time in two months, Gavin had had enough. It wasn’t the fifth time breaking a pencil, nope, this was just pens, and Connor chewed on those a whole lot less than he did pencils, so that was saying something.

He wasn’t getting him these things because he liked Connor (he didn’t), or because he wanted to be his friend (he really didn't, don’t look at him), it was just… pity and a bit of understanding.

Gavin remembered in school when he’d tap his pencil against the desk relentlessly, or bounce his leg until he thought it would fall off. His fellow students would glare at him and his teachers told him to go see the counselor about possible ADHD. Turns out it was more than just that because mental illness was a buy-one-get-three-free kind of deal.

So he saw a bit of himself in Connor with how he couldn’t sit still or would lose track of time so much that he would stay days and nights at the precinct when a case was hard and caught his interest.

Connor obviously liked using his mouth (which sounded so wrong and brought up so many ideas) but pencils and pens surely weren’t good for him either. Plus the precinct was running out of supplies and something needed to give.

The first one he'd bought Connor was a pencil that wasn’t actually a pencil. It was harder (he might have gotten this one specially designed) so Connor wouldn’t chomp through it (hopefully), but completely safe to stick in a mouth.

The next he got was a necklace that looked like a giant coin, because he’d seen Connor doing tricks with the coin he had. He hated to admit it, but the tricks were pretty damn impressive considering he could still do it absentmindedly and while walking.

The last was another necklace that looked almost like a black ouroboros, though the site called it a Phoenix. It was the hardest they had but also had texture too which he hoped Connor wouldn’t hate.

It was hard finding a time to drop them off at Connor’s desk, but one day he’d gone to lunch with Hank, so Gavin took his chance. He wrote a quick note, trying to disguise his handwriting but if Connor did his weird android analysis thing there would be no way he wouldn’t be able to tell. The note just explained these were chewable and wouldn’t make a mess. He didn’t dare add the stupid heart he was so tempted to draw like some blushing school girl.

Then he sat back at his desk and waited. He tried to appear busy at least when Connor showed back up, even as he was almost shaking with nerves. What if Connor hated it or made him self-conscious? What if Connor hated him for it, even if Connor had said he’d never hated him after Gavin had managed to apologize a year after the revolution.

He felt like he needed a stim toy with how he was gnawing on his bottom lip as Connor’s eyes widened when he saw the small box on his desk. He picked up the note that rested on it, tilting his head as he read it. He glanced up, scanning around the room never meeting anyone’s eyes. Gavin was watching from the corner of his and tapping at the computer in what he hoped to be a convincing mimicry of typing a case report.

Connor set the note down carefully before pulling the bow apart, because if Gavin was going to give a gift then he’d go all out. His mom taught him how to tie bows like that and he was rather proud, thank you very much. Connor lifted the lid and gasped, pulling out the coin first. He flipped it over in his hand, probably scanning it to see what it was made of.

He glanced around again but this time nervously as if thinking someone was watching him (Gavin was but he didn’t count), before bringing it up and biting down. He nibbled on it a few times, before grinning and setting it down. Ok, that was one and it went pretty well.

He picked up the pencil next and let out a small giggle, before covering his mouth. Fuck that was adorable, but Gavin made no move to show or tell Connor so.

He scanned over this one as well, before bringing it to his lips and into his mouth. He bit down, androlled it around in his mouth like he sometimes did with actual pens. Then he started to actually suck on it and Gavin realized this was a very bad idea.

Thankfully Connor didn’t waste too much time with that one, setting it down to pull out the last. He tilted his head again, rubbing his finger over the ridged designs before sticking this one in his mouth too. He let out a pleased sound that made Gavin have to shift in his seat slightly, almost choking on his own spit as he tried to swallow.

At least he seemed to like all of them, and when Connor actually put the necklace on for the black one Gavin felt a buzz of happiness that always came from giving a good gift.

Connor picked up the note again and fuck, Gavin stood and ran to the break room. Maybe if he wasn’t in view, then Connor would just ignore his existence and not figure out it was he who sent it.

He made himself a scalding hot cup of coffee, not adding anything at least for now. Though sometimes he’d add a bit of sugar from the packets he’d keep in his desk for the special occasion of needing it to be a little tastier. He hoped it was enough time for Connor to fuck off and get back to work.

He flopped down onto his chair with a huff, running his hand through his hair. It had been a long day and he’d barely even done any work, but maybe now he could get back on track. He did spare a glance at Connor who was–fuck, he was looking at him already.

Gavin steeled himself, ready for whatever that tin can had to say about the gifts, but instead, Connor smiled a bit lopsidedly before turning to talk with Hank. That was… not what he was expecting. It made his stupid heart flutter a bit seeing that adorably dorky smile directed at him, but he chugged some of the coffee and it made it better.

He should have realized how bad of an idea it was to get Connor those toys because the man never let them go and always had them in his mouth as long as it wasn’t at a bad time. No one commented, all of them used to seeing weirder shit, and they all knew this was better than pens breaking. Plus plenty of them was gen z and just as mentally weird as everyone else so stim toys were pretty damn normal.

But Gavin was regretting it because of the blissful look on Connor’s face as he sucked on the fake pencil or held the black phoenix in his mouth. He was probably tracing over the lines with his tongue which wasn’t a thought he needed to think about in detail.

Sometimes Connor would even make these small sounds like a pleased cat or dog when he was chewing on the toys. Gavin was very glad he liked them (the hot cups of coffee with sugar in them that was left on his desk showed just how grateful Connor was), but watching him was killing Gavin.

He was getting boners more than some teenagers did and it was hard not to just do something about it. He’d imagined yanking Connor in to kiss him, making him make those damn sounds because of Gavin’s lips and tongue teasing him and not some toy. He had dreams of Connor initiating and asking if he could use his mouth on Gavin in every way possible. Those mornings when he comes in he can’t even glance Connor’s way, terrified he’d somehow know what his mind was filled with.

But Connor was ever innocent and unknowing, which was just plain weird. Wasn’t he supposed to be some high-tech android that could pick up on the tiniest bits of information? If so then was he just willfully ignoring how bad Gavin was lusting after him?

And no it wasn’t a crush, he absolutely totally did not think about taking Connor on dates, holding his hand, moving in together. He didn’t think about curling up on the couch with Connor as Doa cuddled with them too, her purring loud and clear. There were no feelings of romantic nature, and he would keep telling himself that until he genuinely came to believe it.

So it was just him being a friend (he still wasn’t sure they were even friends) and wanting to celebrate finishing his case when he invited Connor to get a drink with him. He’d stuttered over his words, cursing himself for not thinking that Connor might not be able to drink, but he’d said yes anyway.

So while work was finishing up, he was on his phone trying to find a suitable place that was android and human-friendly. There were apparently android drinks that could make them drunk but who knew if that would work on Connor, given he’s a prototype and the best of the best. Gavin wasn’t sure if he had very high standards or just a love for guys who could kick his ass.

He found a place thankfully, the ratings were pretty high and it seemed it was a very popular place for dates, not that this was one. So when Connor walked up to his desk, asking if he was ready, he wasn’t scrambling to figure things out still.

“Yep, got a nice place we can try out. ‘S got some android drinks that make you drunk, which is cool. You don’t gotta drink those if you don’t want to, obviously.” He shrugged on his leather jacket, having taken it off since the damn AC had broken once again, making the whole precinct practically a sauna.

Connor had his own sleeves rolled up, his tie hanging low and the first two buttons on his shirt undone. It was a damn good look on him and Gavin was close to drooling, but he was a little too dehydrated to actually do that, thankfully.

“Oh, I might have one but I’d rather not get drunk.” Connor glanced back at Hank and, oh right. That made sense. “Is Ms. Chen or Mr. Miller joining us?”

Fuck. “Uh, nah neither could make it. Chris has his kids you know? And uh, I think Tina has a date.” He had absolutely no idea if any of that was true given he hadn’t even asked his friends to join them, but it probably wasn’t too far off the mark.

Connor tilted his head before smiling slightly. Damn android and his creepy face that Gavin just wanted to punch in the mouth with his mouth repeatedly and very gently. “Very well, will we be taking your car or a taxi?”

“Uh, I mean you can ride on my bike with me if you want I guess.” It would be another thing to drive Gavin insane but hey, if he’s lasted three months with Connor and those stim toys he could last the fifteen-minute ride with him pressed against his back. Maybe. That, that actually sounded pretty hard to deal with, but surely it wouldn’t be that bad.

It was absolutely terrible. Connor had his arms wrapped around him, his whole front pressed against him with his damn chin on Gavin’s shoulder. At one point he shifted slightly to rest his cheek on Gavin’s back as they waited at a red light and Connor would most definitely be able to hear how Gavin’s heart was racing.

Gavin hoped he’d take it as just the bike being thrilling but Connor had squeezed him just slightly before relaxing again.

Connor didn’t even hold his own hands together in a fist like most people, no he splayed a hand over Gavin’s stomach, the other one far enough around to hold his side a bit. At one red light, Connor had sat back and stretched his arms a bit as his joints would lock up, and when he went to put his hands back the breeze finally decided to kick up. Of course, that meant Gavin’s shirt moved with the wind, and Connor’s hand landed on skin instead of fabric.

He tried not to react but Connor didn’t apologize or move his hand away either, so he surely wasn’t the only one who didn’t mind. His mind strayed to the idea of Connor just slowly trailing his hand down to rest over Gavin’s crotch where there would no doubt be a tent. Gavin would lean back into him, feel Connor's breath on his ear and the warmth of his lips when he’d–he was jolted out of that thought process by a honk that let him know the light turned green a few seconds ago.

He sped off, and thankfully nothing else of notice really happened the rest of the ride, but Connor’s hand did stay against his stomach under his shirt, holding him close.

Connor moved back when they finally parked and neither said a word as they made their way into the bar. The bouncer had barely even glanced at their IDs (or Gavin’s, Connor didn’t need one) before stamping their hands with a green circle.

The bar was dimly lit by modern-looking lights, the music loud enough that people felt the need to dance but not too loud that Gavin would need to shout either. Like all bars, it smelt of beer, sweaty bodies, and food that most only ate so they wouldn’t get overly drunk. A pretty typical-looking bar and Gavin led them over to a few open stools. He’d find them a table once they got their first drinks.

He ordered a beer, though he actually hated drinking beer, because it’s what everyone expected. Maybe he’d toss back something harder later to impress Connor a bit at how well he could take it down. Fuck, he wasn’t even drunk yet and he was already thinking these things.

Connor got himself a drink, naming off something from the board that was labeled for androids, and then the two found themselves a table a little ways away from the music.

Gavin took a few sips, trying not to scrunch up his face at the terrible taste and smell. Honestly, how could anyone stand this stuff?! “How’s your drink?”

Connor took a careful sip of his before jolting slightly, staring down at his drink in awe before taking another sip. This one he holds in his mouth for a few seconds, eyes wide before swallowing. “It feels good!”

Gavin blinked at him before scoffing. “I think you mean it tastes good.” Stupid android already getting tipsy from one small sip.

“No, I mean it feels good. It’s kind of tingly and I can feel all of the sensors on my tongue lighting up.” He grabbed his drink, cradling it in his hands and keeping it close to his chest.

“Oh,” Gavin said dumbly. Of course, it would be different for androids, Connor might not even have any way to taste it like humans did so sensations were the next best thing.

Connor was obviously trying not to gulp it down, and the way he held it in his mouth was adorable. His cheeks were puffed out and he’s staring down his nose like he’d be able to see the liquid. “Do you like yours?” Connor finally asked after he swallowed that mouthful.

Gavin swirled his beer around in the bottle wishing he could spill it somehow so he wouldn’t feel the need to drink it. “Uh, yeah sure. It’s not the worst.” That was true, it wasn’t the worst beer he’s had at least.

Connor frowned and leaned forward a bit so he wouldn’t have to speak too loud. “You know if you don’t like it you should get something else. This is a celebration for you, you should enjoy what you drink.”

Damn, was he really that transparent? Part of him was screaming to keep the act up, that beer and hard liquor were what was expected and what he had to drink. “Fuck it. Yeah this shit sucks, I hate the taste of beer. I’ll go get something else.”

Connor beamed at him and nodded, sitting back and taking another long sip of his drink and holding it in his mouth.

“You want another one of those, Con?” The nickname slipped out but at least it wasn’t some lovey-dovey shit like honey or dear.

Connor frowned before shrugging and then nodding. Gavin gave him a thumbs-up as he made his way back over to the bar and ordered what he actually wanted to drink. The bartender didn’t comment on it, which he’s thankful for.

He headed back to their table only to find someone standing there, talking to Connor. Gavin cleared his throat and slid into his seat, handing the drink to Connor and then glaring at the man. “Can I help you?”

The man shifted, looking between the two of them. “Was just suggesting some drinks, sorry to interrupt.” The man put his hands up in surrender, taking a step back from the table. Gavin knew very well what this guy was trying to do, and Gavin would not let Connor be taken advantage of.

“Thank you for the suggestions, I’ll keep them in mind,” Connor grinned, but it looked a little too fake to Gavin. Gavin got to see the true smiles that lit up Connor’s face and no matter how weird and awkward he looked Gavin couldn’t help but fall a little farther with each one.

The dude glanced down, but wisely made no comment on Gavin’s choice of drink and how out of character it looked for him. So what he loved a good cherry bourbon smash, beer tastes like piss water and this actually had flavor.

Gavin brought his glass up and took a sip as the guy walked off back to wherever he’d been originally before Gavin left. The drink was damn good and mixed just right so that all the flavors were even and not too overpowering. This was the kind of drink he could easily get wasted on.

“Is that one good?” Connor asked, looking between Gavin’s drink and him.

Gavin chuckled and nodded, taking another swig. “Yeah, it’s damn good. Wish you could try it.” Connor still hadn’t confirmed if he could drink human shit or not, but he was going off the assumption that he couldn’t.

“I’m sure it’s wonderful if you like it.”

That statement didn’t actually hold up for much, but it did when it came to Connor. So he maybe liked him a lot and Connor was indeed very wonderful. It’s incredible how kind and patient he was, and yet he’s so headstrong and stubborn. The way he looked so innocent and pure but then Gavin remembered what he’s made for and how easily Connor could kill him if he wanted. He’d get away with it too, and Hank might even help dispose of his body.

He pulled out a cherry and pulled it off the stem before eating it, and twirling the stem around. He glanced at Connor, then back at the stem before grinning widely. “Hey Con, can you tie this with your tongue?” He held it out to him, and their fingers brushed together as he took it.

“Why would I?” He copied Gavin’s movements of twisting the stem around.

Gavin shrugs, drumming on the table. “Means you're a good kisser or something. It’s just a fun trick to impress people.” Gavin could do it, though he looked pretty stupid while moving it around his mouth.

Connor raised an eyebrow, probably wondering why Gavin wanted him to do it, then. But he shrugged and stuck it in his mouth, after five seconds he spit it back out and held it up for Gavin to see.

Gavin was expecting a normal knot, that’s what everyone could achieve if they practiced enough, but no. Of course, Connor was extra and within five seconds had the stem tied into a pretty bow. “Holy shit,” Gavin hissed, taking the little bow.

He was desperately trying not to imagine that very talented tongue could do on his dick. It wasn’t working, because he had to shift in his seat a bit to try and adjust himself. “Consider me impressed.”

“So this makes me a good kisser?” Connor tilted his head, his eyes shining in the light. Gavin gaped at him, trying to figure out if Connor was flirting or really that naive.

“Could always test that theory,” Gavin tried to say nonchalantly.

Connor tapped his chin, before reaching forward and grabbing the other cherry. He held it up towards Gavin, who took in a shuddering breath. He wrapped his lips around the cherry and pulled the fruit off the stem. For some reason, this one tasted even better than the last.

Connor then stuck the stem in his mouth and scooted over to close the distance between them. Gavin stiffened for a second as Connor was definitely kissing him. He finally got his brain in order and kissed back, bringing a hand up to hold Connor but the back of the neck.

Gavin couldn't help the moan that slipped out as Connor’s tongue brushed against his, and he opened his mouth eagerly to him. It’s hot and needy and fuck, maybe Connor wasn’t naive at all. Maybe he knew exactly what he was doing all the time.

Something that wasn't Connor’s tongue was in his mouth and then Connor was kissing down his jaw over to his fluttering pulse that gives away just how affected he was by this.

“Oh shit, baby,” Gavin groaned, his hand going up to Connor’s hair to tug gently at the soft strands. Connor shivered and nipped a bit harder before sucking at the spot. It would no doubt leave a big mark, and Gavin couldn’t wait to press against it and feel the ache.

A loud shrill laugh made them jump apart, remembering where they were. Right, a bar and the thing in his mouth was the cherry stem. Gavin almost choked on it when he realized it was tied too. They were both panting with wide pupils as they stared at each other.

Gavin glanced down and oh, yep, that answered one of his questions at least. The tent in Connor’s pants gave away that he very much enjoyed that too and indeed had a dick. Gavin wasn't in a better state and he had to shift a bit to try and make his not so obvious. “Well fuck.”

Connor chuckled and ducked his head, rubbing his hands together. “I agree. Admittedly I’ve wanted to do that for some time, but I wasn’t sure how to initiate or if you’d actually want to.”

Gavin’s jaw was practically in his lap at the confession. “You wanted… fucking, how long!?!”

Connor looked bashful, the blue blush adorably dusting his cheeks. “Um, well you know the first time I broke a pen? I well, I might have been thinking about you instead of the case.”

Unlike Connor who blushed like a goddamn anime, just across his nose and cheeks, Gavin’s face was completely red all the way to his ears and neck. “And so you crushed a pen, great way to make a guy feel good.” He was teasing, trying to bide time to wrap his head around that.

“I just got overwhelmed! Pens are very fragile and, I just, I’m sorry,” Connor whined, covering his face with his hands.

“Oh no, no, no, you don’t get to hide, pretty boy.” Gavin pulled Connor’s hands away to see his cute face. “I’m damn happy just thinking about me gets you that distracted, that's a fucking ego boost if I’ve ever heard one.”

Connor sputtered but didn't pull his hands away from Gavin’s. “Don’t let it go to your head, I have a very vivid imagination.”

“Oh? Well, you can always tell me about those fantasies you’re having at work no less. Maybe I can fulfill a few of them.” Gavin smirked, leaning in so they were a breath away again.

Connor licked his lips and Gavin followed the motion with his eyes, wanting to close the distance but very much not wanting to get them kicked out. “Maybe I can show you one now?”

Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck fuck. Where the hell did this confidence come from? Had Connor even had sex yet? Had he kissed anyone before Gavin? He was damn good at kissing so either he was a natural or Gavin wouldn’t be his first. He wasn’t sure which he wanted more. He knew he very much wanted Connor, though.

“Yes, definitely, hell yes.” He gave Connor’s hand a quick squeeze, and Connor did it back before pulling him up. Right, yeah ok, he meant now.

He followed Connor back to the bathroom and he felt like a teen about to get his first blowjob. Connor pushed the door open before going to one of the five larger stalls. He momentarily praised the bar for having more accessibility, but that thought went out the door when he was pressed against the stall door as Connor closed it behind them.

Their lips locked again, and Connor slid his leg between Gavin’s. Connor’s hands went under and up Gavin’s shirt, pushing him harder against the door as he touched every bit of skin he could.

Gavin gasped, trying to muffle his moan as he rocked his hips against Connor’s thigh. “What, what were you thinking?” He managed to ask as Connor kissed and nipped down his neck to give Gavin a chance to breathe.

Connor glanced at him, a smirk on those beautiful lips. “I was thinking I could put my mouth to good use, get down on my knees for you.”

Gavin shuddered, nodding quickly. “Yeah, sounds good to me, pretty boy.” All those times he'd imagined this, and now it was finally happening.

Connor’s hands started trailing down lower and lower until they were resting over the zipper. “Thank you for the toys,” Connor whispered. He glanced down at where it hung around Connor’s neck, and Gavin beamed at him.

“You make it sound so dirty, Con, but yeah, of course. Glad you like them.” Now wasn’t the time, but at least he knew Connor had really figured it out. Not that it was hard, but still, it was kind of nice to hear a thank you though none was needed.

Connor hummed and sank down gracefully, unzipping Gavin’s pants as he went. It was a damn good sight, Connor looking up at him through his lashes as he rubbed him through his boxers.

“Fuck,” Gavin sighs, banging his head back on the door as he ran a hand through Connor’s curls. He was obsessed with how Connor let his hair be curly, made him look even cuter and more delectable.

Connor leaned forward, his tongue lolling out as he licked over the bulge. Gavin gasped, tightening his hold on Connor’s hair. The man’s eyes fluttered as he tilted his head back into his hand. “I want it, please?”

Gavin bit his lip, scratching at Connor’s scalp. “Of course, all yours, baby.”

Connor pulled him out of his pants, the cold air hitting him and making him tense slightly. The weight in his gut from pure lust grew heavier when he saw how hungrily Connor was looking at his length.

He banged his head back again as Connor took him in hand and slowly licked from the base to the tip, his tongue swirling around the head and pushing into the slit. “Have you done this before?” He agreed, trying to pull him closer.

“A few times, but I’ve heard I don’t need all that much experience,” Connor smirked as he took him into his mouth and they both moaned at the same time. Gavin couldn’t help but giggle, smiling down at Connor who looked even more blissed out than when he’d suck on the toys.

All the air left him as Connor bobbed his head, taking him all the way down with absolutely no resistance and Gavin tried hard not to buck into that talented mouth. He gripped his hair tight enough that it no doubt hurts but Connor seemed pleased as his eyes closed and he continued to bob and suck.

They both jumped at the sudden amount of sound that filled the bathroom as the door was slammed open and someone stumbled into a stall. The man was singing very poorly and it would have been hilarious if Connor didn’t have his mouth around Gavin’s dick and was still going.

He should have known Connor wouldn’t stop, and it was only the man’s awful singing that was just loud enough to cover up the lewd noises the two were making that let the man continue his business without any knowledge.

Gavin brought a hand up to bite at his knuckles, trying to keep himself silent as Connor took him all the way and then swallowed around him while his skillful tongue did things to the underside of his cock. His hips grinded forward, trying to get deeper and deeper even though he’s as far in as possible.

The sound from the bar hit their ears again as the man left after not washing his hands (fucking ew), but then it’s almost silent again. Gavin dropped his hand back to Connor’s hair and used his grip to push him back just slightly. It’s enough that Gavin had room to fuck his throat roughly, not holding back.

Connor moaned around him, keeping himself nice and pliant while also sucking and swallowing around him. He looked up at Gavin through his lashes and he’s just too damn pretty like this. His lips were red and slick, his face flushed blue, his curly hair an absolute mess from Gavin’s hands, and he looked almost high. He’s not even trying to touch himself, though the tent in his pants hadn’t gone down. Instead, Connor held onto Gavin’s hips, his thumbs brushing against his sharp hip bones.

Gavin was lost in the sensations, and, before he knew it, that cord was almost about to snap. “Fuck! Close, I’m so close, want me in your mouth?”

Connor hummed and made it very clear how much he wanted Gavin to come. It didn’t take much else, and he soon couldn't hold back any longer. He pulled Connor close, squeezing his eyes shut as he bit down hard on his bottom lip to stop from screaming. He’s always been loud with sex, and trying to hold back was hard.

Connor whimpered below him as he swallowed it all down. Gavin panted quickly, rubbing soothingly into Connor’s hair, while he experienced one of the best orgasms of his life.

Connor sat patiently as Gavin came down from it, and once he let go of his hair, slowly pulled off. It’s a huge contrast from Connor’s warm mouth to the coolness of the bathroom, but he carefully put himself away.

“You good? Want me to do something for you?” Gavin asked, glancing down at Connor who looked just as much of a mess as Gavin probably did.

Connor stood up carefully, shaking his head. “No need, I came from that.” He wiped his mouth before grinning widely. Well, fuck, that’s hot and if he didn’t just come he’d be tempted to try and go for another round.

“Huh, that’s good. Um, so thanks I guess, for that.” It was always awkward after but now it felt even more so. Was really it just lust with Connor? Did Connor want to do this again and only this?

Connor tilted his head and followed Gavin as they left the stall and went to the sink. “Of course, it was fun, I very much enjoyed myself.” That didn’t answer any of his questions.

Connor washed his hands and Gavin tried to fix his appearance somewhat to not look like he just had the life sucked out of him from his dick. “Would you uh, wanna do that again some time?”

Connor perked up and nodded quickly. “Yes! I’d love that, but… as a date or just sexual?” Well damn, he just went right out and said it.

“Either way, I guess. Whichever you wanted, you know?” He tried not to get his hopes up, but damn did he want this more than he wanted to have sex again.

“I would like to go on a date with you if that’s ok.” Connor looked sheepish saying this, his head ducked and that blue blush ever-present.

Gavin reached out and gently cupped his cheek. “I’m more than ok with that.” Then he leaned forward and kissed him gently and with as much passion as possible. Connor melted into it, resting his hand on Gavin’s waist and the other on the small of his back. He pulled him in like that and it made Gavin’s heart flutter and his stomach twist with butterflies.

They pulled back slowly and they really needed to not make out in the bathroom, though both of them were grinning. Connor reached down and brought the stim toy up, holding it in his mouth slightly.

“You really can’t get enough uh? Let’s go back, I’ll order you another drink too, and you can have all my cherry stems.” He offered his hand which Connor took. Ok, so maybe Connor driving him insane wasn’t the worst thing ever, if it got him to date Connor then it would be worth it. Plus, now Connor had something to put in his mouth whenever he wanted.

[shdwwlkrsblog]

Idk if there are any creepypasta fans are here on tumblr but if there are any let me know you still exist bc why not

Anyways a story here

Warnings : blood , murder , death , swearing , mental illness , angst?

Jeff the killer x reader

Meeting an childhood friend

" 5 new victims with a smile carved in their face , police officer humbelbee ( i just needed a name) thinks it was the Jeff the killers work here " the woman in the tv said before the tv switched to a reporters camera who showed and officer and another interviewer " hello I'm live here we're the victims were killed with officer humbelbee who got a message for everyone living in y/t/n (your town name) " she said handing the microphone to the officer " hello and i need everyone to listen to me , this is the 3 time this week that Jeff the killer murdered people and we need to be extra careful because It doesn't seem like he's done . That's why I want everyone living in y/t/n and the towns near it to close all doors lock it as good as you can and block all the windows and stay inside , if you need to get food don't go out early in the morning or at night and never go alone , if you encounter Jeff the killer don't try to fight him and try to run to the next police station . He is too danger- " the black that now colored the tv interrupted him . You got enough you couldn't stand it anymore . Your old childhood friend jeffrey turned into a killing machine , killing all those innocent people . It was to much , it hurted but you tried to ignore it and looked at the clock at the wall showing 16:26 ' shit i wanted to get some food but now it's too late' you cursed yourself for not going earlier and walked into the kitchen checking your fridge but to your bad luck it was empty . ' do i really need to go now ?' you asked yourself feeling fear coming up in you 'what if he attacks me?' then a bit of hope ' what if he still knows who I am ?' but the hope was crushed when you came to the answer that he won't ' he ain't the same , he is crazy , a monster but not jeffrey' you thought a frown forming on your lips as the thought of jeffrey back then

"Hey y/n wanna meet after school ? " A male voice spoke behind you and you turned around to see Jeff standing there "sure jepp when are you free? "( Let's use jepp as the nickname you called him) you asked looking up at him 'how can he be so tall we are only 13?' you thought asking yourself if you were short or he was tall but we're in tripped by him punching you into the shoulder " hey I said I'm free at 1 pm " he laughed " you look like an idiot rn " and now he held his stomach bc of laughing " oh ok 1 pm then " you said , you didn't get what was going on but then you noticed liu coming up behind Jeff " oh I see the 2 love birds have fun " he joked earning a "no stop it" from both of you , you noticed your face heating up . Yep you had a crush on Jeff , a huge one but you didn't want to break your friendship so you keept quiet and brushed it off like it was nothing " hahaha okay well we need to go or we won't get our bus " you said trying to sound normal but liu noticed it and gave you his 'i see a bird in love ' glance but stopped when Jeff yelled a " what the fuck are you waiting for idiots?" And as response he got a " Jeff language you know mother will kill us if we swear " from liu " yeah whatever" Jeff yelled And ran towards you grabbed your wrist and pulled you to the bus station " com'on y/n we need to be faster than him " he yelled and liu and you laughed

(quick scenario from back then bc i wanna try to change my writing style to something good )

(end of scenario )

Years have passed since then , and you do still have a crush on him but not Jeff the killer , that monster . No you love the old Jeff . You shook your head trying to get that thought out of your head and looked at the clock 18: 19 ' i shouldnt spend that much time thinking and better get groceries ' you thought and wanted to slap yourself for wasting that much time but you figured out going now wouldn't waste more time and a self-slap would . You looked out of the window 'its 6pm and it's turning dark? Oh yeah it's winter' you thought as you walked quickly through your house grabbing the keys and some money . When you grabbed everything You looked at the clock again seeing only few minutes passed and you grabbed your selfprotection-knive 'bc i don't want to die ' you thought while stuffing it into your jacket . You made your way outside walking along the street only a few people were outside but the were walking quickly. Noone wanted to be caught by Jeff and get killed . After some minutes off walking to arrived at the shop and quickly got in and grabbed the food you wanted Payed and left the shop . When you left you got the feeling of someone watching you but you ignored it and just walked faster . When you walked pass a abandoned building someone aggressively trapped your arm and pulled you into it . The figure pressed you against a wall you wanted to move but stopped when you felt something cold and sharp at your throat and the figure started laughing in a deep and crazy voice . When you got a closer look you recognized the person , it was Jeff . But you got no time for that because he pressed the blade a bit stronger at your throat "jepp stop please" you begged and the figure immediately let you go . When he stuffed his knife away he asked "y/n!?" "Wait you still know who I am?" You asked surprised 'he remembers me does that mean he's still the old Jeff?' you thought happyness filling you "ofc how should I forget you ? Y/n i am so sorry for what happened but will you still be my friend?" He asked you hardly saw it but did he cry? But you tried to ignore everything that happened , all the people he killed . You loved him , you wanted to be by his side . You wanted to say yes but the sound of police sirens interrupted you . Jeff quickly picked you up and ran outside to the nearest forest ' since when did he become so strong?' you asked yourself while clinging at him and praying that he won't drop you . Jeff stopped when you both were far enough and set you down . "Are you ok?" He asked his voice filled with worry he was still the old Jeff for you , and you accepted him even if he was a murder . " Yeah and we are still friends jeff i don't care if you are a murderer i still love yo-" you stopped when you realized what you said and blushed , Jeff didn't say anything for a while " I'm okay if you don't love me just don- " your apologizing was interrupted by Jeff lips crashing into yours for a short time " i love you too y/n" he said and you guys kissed again

I'm not such a big fan of kissing but wanted to make a good and happy ending

Tell me if you liked it or not , the next few days (and if this story get some likes ._.) I'm going to try to be active and make more story's

Ask box open

[writesandfights]

Can you do one where y/n is afraid to smoke but she always puts her hand in his smoke bc she thinks it’s cool. Jj wants to teach her and use it as a way to flirt but she always denies. Later he catches her playing with his zippo lighter and calls her a klypto too. He teaches her to smoke n it’s rly cute !!! Ok sorry I’ll stoppp!! I love ur blog tho🤩🤩

PROMPT # : PERSONAL REQUEST

WORD COUNT: 1660

WARNINGS: SMOKING

PAIRING: JJ X READER

LATIBULE

JJ sat at the edge of the deck when he was smoking, this location seemed to be the most comforting place for him in all reality, he loved the way this felt, his feet dancing through the cold water and his eyes tracing over the setting sun. You walked down the dock in the click of your boots and he turned to see you with a small smirk spreading over his lips, he was happy to see you were home after having gone to the mainland for some time. You were home. That's all that mattered to him, he licked his lips and moved over so you could sit down next to him.

“Hey there beautiful, it's good to see you're home again, I have missed you, let me say, trying to text you without a phone was literally one of the most impossible things - BUT uh.. Would you like to smoke?” he had handed it out to you, hoping you would take the blunt from his hand but you shook your head weakly and only watched him carefully. “ no no.. you know I don’t like to smoke but uh.. I must say I'm flattered you tried to talk to me through your imaginary phone..”

He took a deep breath, watching as the smoke reached his lungs and he took a second to blow out the fog that remained. You put your hand up and ran your fingers through the swirls of light, it was beautiful, you didn;t like smoking but you must admit, when you saw those puffs of smoke you couldn;t help but want to touch it. They were like those old paintings you would see in the chinese fairy tales, small, then they would spread so much bigger than itself, fading away to nothing.

A smile spread over your face when you finally put your hand down and he smirked again, he loved when you did that, you acted like the little things were so damn perfect and you appreciated fire along with the danger that came with it. “ you know.. You seem to be so appreciatitaive of the smoke that comes off of this blunt, I think one day you should just say fuck it and smoke, but anyways, I gotta make sure John B doesnt go to get himself killed by some crazy old woman who loves axes, Ill catch you later beautiful.”

The young man had stood up and kissed your cheek before he left, you turned a deep red and shook your head jokingly, you turned and waved to him. “ wow! You have a great time! Make sure you don’t die in that house or whatever in the hell the two of you are gonna do!!” He rolled his eyes and waved to him while laughing under his breath, your eyes traced down to the dock to see he had left behind his golden zippo lighter, it was beautiful, you had to admit to that, but you knew he would look for it if you didn't tell him you had it.

You shot a message to the younger man, aka John B, telling him that you had the lighter and that JJ could come over to your house and pick it up, he knew better than to come through the front door, your parents were way to strict after all, they were never going to allow you to end up with someone like him but goodness that didn't stop you from falling harder and harder for him. You watched as The Nun was on the screen, probably not the greatest idea to watch a horror movie when you're expecting guests but you did it anyway. The lighter was no bigger than your thumb when you ran your fingers through the small flame and smiled overly proud that you didn’t get burnt. It actually felt good, it felt like heaven to touch the fire.

JJ watched from the window when he saw you playing with what you had in your hand, his lighter, You ran your finger through the flame and stopped when it would hurt, it was like you were enchanted by the flame, the same way he was. It danced through the darkness of your room but he still saw that familiar look in your eyes, the wonder and the amazement, he loved that look, adored it.

He pushed the small window open, letting a little creak noise echo through your room, when you heard it, you instantly jumped into the air and shook your head. Your heart was racing when you turned and held onto the pillow as a weapon, JJ climbed into the room and flicked the lamp on when he got greeted by the pillow right to the face, “ hey hey you need to calm down there, princess.”

When you heard his voice you calmed down but shook your head slowly, you licked your lips and turned away in complete embarrassment, he was laughing and sat down on your bed. He picked up his lighter and opened it, letting the fire dance over the rough palm of his hand, he was still so handsome, in this light or even in the light of day, but you were drawn to the fire. “ you know i saw the way you had been looking at that fire, maybe you're a lot like me, a klepto, right? Do you know what that means beautiful?”

You bit the inside of your lip when you nodded and didn’t want to admit that the good girl was drawn to the feeling of freedom and the heat that fire seemed to give off, that was always gonna be enough for you. JJ stood up and grabbed your hand when he pulled you closer and started to take you towards the window, “ come on.. I know you're scared of smoking but youre gonna be okay when you're with me, I promise you that, just take my hand and trust me..”

“ of course I trust you.. But what happens if we get caught, what happens then?” He chuckled and moved your hair from your face when he knew you were truly worried about something like that, “ then we ran away from the cops.. If we are lucky we will get caught in a tight alleyway and you'll be pressed right into my chest..”

Of course that idea sent goosebumps up your spine but you laughed regardless, his eyes so soft when he had gotten you to agree. You stood up and allowed him to pull you out of the window, he helped you down and held onto your waist, leaning into your chest and turned a deep red because of it. He might have been smooth but when it came down to you, he wasn't that smooth person anymore, he lost all control of that and maybe you knew that, but maybe you didn't.

He had led you back to that dock where he sat down and held onto a small blunt, lighting it between his thumb and pointer finger, he could see you were nervous but he would have comforted you through all of it. “ I know you're scared, but look at me, you're gonna be by my side the whole time and- I know you won't be alone, i'm right here..” He winked and you nodded when you moved closer to his body, he placed the end between his lips when he took a deep breathe and you watched as he let it reach his lungs again, he then exhaled and you reached up to grab the smoke but he took your hand, “ i wanna hold your hand..”

A smile came onto your lips when you let your eyes trace down to his lips and he was doing the same, he knew you were staring and goodness how he was intrigued by you. He held out the little joint and nodded weakly, “ okay baby.. Sorry uh, beautiful, you use your thumb and your pointer finger, pressing it between your lips and taking a deep breath, when you do, suck it all the way in until you feel the smoke hitting your lungs, okay?”

You nodded in agreement and did as told when you pressed the drug between your lips and took a deep breath, allowing it to reach your lungs and soon you were coughing much louder than before, trying to control the burning but you couldn't. JJ laughed with a small smirk and held onto the blunt when you were done with it. He watched you so carefully, you're soft pink lips rising to meet the joint he rolled for this moment, the goosebumps that rose atop your skin when he ran his fingers over yours, he was so enamored and goodness how he just wanted to tell you how he felt in that moment.

“ okay okay, there's my girl, you hit that like you were snoop dogg, look at you go..” he chuckled and soon took another hit himself but this one was different, he moved closer nad pressed his lips into yours, he exhaled into your mouth but kissed you at the same time. It was the most euphoric feeling you have ever had, the running of happiness through your veins, how your eyes closed when you kissed him in return, goodness how you have been wanting to do that. You have always wanted to kiss him and now you have the chance to do so, you pulled back a moment later and leaned your forehead against his, allowing him to breathe when you blew the leftover smoke into his face. He was brave when he saw the red lines coming over your eyes, you were stoned out of your mind and he would take care of your giggly self, but the first thing he wanted to do was ask so softly, “ go out on a date with me.. Tomorrow..”

A/N - awe thank you so much! I am happy you love my account . It’s a mess right now but thank you for the compliment. I hope you enjoy it, i also left it open for a part two ;)

[vivithefolle]

“Oh great, it’s the Harry stans again” I’m a wolfstar stan my dude

“So Harry’s desire is a family” yes, and what comes with having a family? Love, also Harry didn’t have his found family yet, just a few friends, and he can have his found family and still want his parents

Fred and George don’t bully him, they tease him like all big brothers do. And Ron went to them when “Scabbers” “died” so he doesn’t hate being vulnerable in front of them

“Let’s think deeper than just “hurr durr rawn wants powur” That is why though. Even at the end of DH he says “the unbeatable wand, Harry?!” Meaning he wants it for its power and is shocked Harry doesn’t

Also, Harry didn’t tell Ron to go with him to save Malfoy, and he only wanted Ron to come to the Ministry because he didn’t want to put his friends in danger. The only reason he was ok with Ron going is that Ron said he would. Why do you think Harry and hermione are selfish and don’t deserve him? That ain’t true

Harry got glimpses in to Voldy cause thats influence. Harry can’t be controlled because he is so full of the “force (Voldy) detests”. It is said multiple times that’s why. And he is so “purely and strongly” associated with love. It’s what makes Harry, Harry. Despite what he’s been through, he remains “pure of heart” as Dumbledore put it, he sacrifices himself and it sets off a protection charm for everyone, he tries to save Voldy, etc. and we do see it shown from him more than Ron. I could bring up countless examples but I’ll just leave it at: Harry felt bad for Hagrid when Aragon died and wanted to be there for Hagrid, despite Aragon nearly eating him. Ron did not. I love your blog btw, I just don’t agree with you on this lol

[Previous]

I’m a wolfstar stan my dude 

Ah yes, Wolfstar, the pairing where one guy weaponized his friend’s most important, life-changing secret in order to play a “prank” that could have ended in manslaughter, because the one guy gave his friend’s feelings as much consideration as a plastic bag’s. Also said guy later believed that said friend could be a traitor. A love story for the ages surely.

“So Harry’s desire is a family” yes, and what comes with having a family? Love, also Harry didn’t have his found family yet, just a few friends, and he can have his found family and still want his parents 

Yes. And Ron’s desire is also tied around love. Because Ron believes that he needs to accomplish things to stand out and be “worthy” of loving. That’s his whole thing during the entire books, that’s what drives him to sometimes put his foot in his mouth up to his thigh and make stupid mistakes, because he’s trying to earn love, he’s going out of his way to earn the love of his friends when they already love him but are just pants at showing it.

Fred and George don’t bully him, they tease him like all big brothers do. And Ron went to them when “Scabbers” “died” so he doesn’t hate being vulnerable in front of them 

Fred and George absolutely bullied Ron. That’s just fact. Look at Order of the Phoenix, look at how they treat him through the books. Fred and George may be popular characters but as big brothers they are AWFUL.

And who’s to say Ron went directly to them? We see them “““comfort”““ Ron but maybe Ron was just sitting with Harry and Ginny and lamenting Scabbers’ death then Fred and George came in and decided to add their five cents. Also in spite of how horrible Fred and George can be to him Ron still loves and admires them greatly - case in point, how he still trusted them about the bogus spell to turn Scabbers yellow.

“Let’s think deeper than just “hurr durr rawn wants powur” That is why though. Even at the end of DH he says “the unbeatable wand, Harry?!” Meaning he wants it for its power and is shocked Harry doesn’t 

Yeah, because Ron’s pragmatic still. Imagine what you could do with such a powerful wand. What’s the point of the Invisibility Cloak when you have a super-powerful wand that may cast the best Invisibility Charm ever? How about enchanting stuff with that wand? What of that wand’s ability to heal people? Imagine all you could do if you had that thing up your sleeve.

Also, Harry didn’t tell Ron to go with him to save Malfoy

No he didn’t. Ron turned back of his own will. Because Ron loved Harry and was willing to endanger not only his life, but also the one of the woman he loved, to save Harry from a fiery death trap. Ron chose to go back because he knew Harry was gonna try to save everyone like the idiot martyr he is.

he only wanted Ron to come to the Ministry because he didn’t want to put his friends in danger. 

You greatly overestimate Harry’s niceness.

Harry’s  eyes  met  Ron’s.  He  knew  that  Ron  was  thinking  exactly  what he was: If he could have chosen any members of the D.A. in ad-dition  to  himself,  Ron,  and  Hermione  to  join  him  in  the  attempt  to  rescue Sirius, he would not have picked Ginny, Neville, or Luna. - Order of the Phoenix

He’s not thinking that because he’s nice and ~doesn’t want to put them in danger uwu~: he’s thinking that because he thinks Ginny, Neville and Luna aren’t good enough to rescue Sirius. To be fair, that’s also quite pragmatic: Neville has indeed great trouble with magic due to his father’s wand, and Luna has never participated in an adventure to fight Voldemort, while Ginny’s participation was that of his victim.

Why do you think Harry and hermione are selfish and don’t deserve him? That ain’t true 

Because yes, that’s true. They’re fundamentally self-absorbed. Part of it is teenage immaturity, of course, and Ron can be similarly self-centred, but Harry is often going around thinking “me me me”. Like, when Arthur Weasley got bitten by Nagini he was thinking about how he was going to look crazy if he said he dreamed he was the snake, what the fuck Harry.

Similarly, Hermione often prioritizes herself and her feelings above Ron’s. She treats Harry very delicately because poor wee Harry is a poor orphan and that’s so sad but she has no such qualms with Ron since she doesn’t realize that his baggage amounts to a little more than just “I feel overshadowed by everyone that came before me”: it’s legit “I feel that nobody will ever love me because who’d care for a loser like me when there are all those great people around me?”. To be fair Hermione is not a psychologist, and she’s not under obligation to help Ron cope with his feelings, but when you’re friends with someone you usually try to support them a bit.

Look at how Harry and Hermione reacted to the bullying campaign against Ron in OOTP. Not. One. Fucking. Thing. Ron left to trudge alone in the snow for maybe hours after his first match, and they didn’t fucking try to find him, they stayed holed up in the common room, just staring at each other and feeling sorry for themselves. I don’t know if it’s a Brit thing to leave a friend alone with their own dark thoughts for company after a terrible public humiliation but it’s certainly not a good friend thing.

Harry got glimpses in to Voldy cause thats influence. Harry can’t be controlled because he is so full of the “force (Voldy) detests”. It is said multiple times that’s why. And he is so “purely and strongly” associated with love. It’s what makes Harry, Harry. Despite what he’s been through, he remains “pure of heart” as Dumbledore put it, he sacrifices himself and it sets off a protection charm for everyone

Yeah because bullshit plot device magic blah blah blah, really it ain’t shit. It’s mostly an excuse. Because how offensive it is to imagine that had Harry just gone to Voldemort a bit earlier, then the “““Love Charm”““ would save everyone? Fred, Lupin, Tonks, Colin, had Harry moved his fucking ass and just surrendered he’d have saved them all. Hell, when you already consider that the Battle of Hogwarts happened at Hogwarts because fucking Harry absolutely HAD to be the one to get one of Voldemort’s Horcruxes you see, couldn’t have summoned Kreacher and asked him to search the place, couldn’t have remained hidden and entrusted the other students with the search, nooo, absolutely HAD to go to Hogwarts aka the place where every child is held hostage by a fascist government that could decide to kill them all for “hiding Undesirable Number One in their midst so they deserved their fate”... Genius move Harry, truly. +50 people dead thanks to you, fucking dumbass.

he tries to save Voldy, 

Um, not really, he just told Vold to try and feel some remorse. Then bullshit space magic about the Elder Wand so Harry is technically not a murderer because he just Disarmed his opponent, you see, he’s still pure yall, cause killing someone quickly and painlessly (= Avada Kedavra) is worse than torture (= Crucio), ysee?

Harry felt bad for Hagrid when Aragon died and wanted to be there for Hagrid, despite Aragon nearly eating him. Ron did not.

............................... um, no.

“Hagrid!”  cried  Hermione,  leaping  up,  hurrying  around  the  table  the  long  way  to  avoid  the  barrel of maggots, and putting an arm around his shaking shoulders. “What is it?”  “It’s...him...”  gulped  Hagrid,  his  beetle-black  eyes  streaming  as  he  mopped  his  face  with  his  apron. “It’s...Aragog...I think he’s dyin’...He got ill over the summer an’ he’s not gettin’ better... I don’ know what I’ll do if he...if he...We’ve bin tergether so long...”  Hermione patted Hagrid’s shoulder, looking at a complete loss for anything to say. Harry knew how  she  felt.  He  had  known  Hagrid  to  present  a  vicious  baby  dragon  with  a  teddy  bear,  seen  him  croon  over  giant  scorpions  with  suckers  and  stingers,  attempt  to  reason  with  his  brutal  giant  of  a  half-brother, but this was perhaps the most incomprehensible of all his monster fancies: the gigantic talking spider, Aragog, who dwelled deep in the Forbidden Forest and which he and Ron had only narrowly escaped four years previously.  “Is there — is there anything we can do?” Hermione asked, ignoring Ron’s frantic grimaces and head-shakings.  “I  don’  think  there  is,  Hermione,”  choked  Hagrid,  attempting  to  stem  the  flood  of  his  tears.  “See, the rest o’ the tribe...Aragog’s family...they’re gettin’ a bit funny now he’s ill...bit restive...”  “Yeah, I think we saw a bit of that side of them,” said Ron in an undertone.  “...I  don’  reckon  it’d  be  safe  fer  anyone  but  me  ter  go  near  the  colony  at  the  mo’,”  Hagrid  finished, blowing his nose hard on his apron and looking up. “But thanks fer offerin’, Hermione...It means a lot.”  After  that,  the  atmosphere  lightened  considerably,  for  although  neither  Harry  nor  Ron  had  shown any inclination to go and feed giant grubs to a murderous, gargantuan spider, Hagrid seemed to take it for granted that they would have liked to have done and became his usual self once more. - Half-Blood Prince

Then

“Excellent,” he said. “Really excellent. Right...I’m going down to Hagrid’s.”  “What?” said Ron and Hermione together, looking aghast.  “No, Harry — you’ve got to go and see Slughorn, remember?” said Hermione.  “No,”  said  Harry  confidently.  “I’m  going  to  Hagrid’s,  I’ve  got  a  good  feeling  about  going  to  Hagrid’s.”  “You’ve got a good feeling about burying a giant spider?” asked Ron, looking stunned.  “Yeah,”  said  Harry,  pulling  his  Invisibility  Cloak  out  of  his  bag.  “I  feel  like  it’s  the  place  to  be  tonight, you know what I mean?”  “No,” said Ron and Hermione together, both looking positively alarmed now.  “This  is  Felix  Felicis,  I  suppose?”  said  Hermione  anxiously,  holding  up  the  bottle  to  the  light.  “You haven’t got another little bottle full of — I don’t know —”  “Essence of Insanity?” suggested Ron, as Harry swung his cloak over his shoulders.  Harry laughed, and Ron and Hermione looked even more alarmed.  “Trust me,” he said. “I know what I’m doing...or at least” he strolled confidently to the door — “Felix does.” - Half-Blood Prince

Harry doesn’t want to go to Hagrid’s out of the goodness and lurve of his heart. He’s going because it’s convenient. Because Felix Felicis.

Harry really isn’t anything special. Anyone with basic math skills can realize that dying to save possibly hundreds of people is better than you living and possibly hundreds dying. That’s nothing to do with purity of the heart or shit, that’s just math.

[obeymeoof]

C-can I get hcs for the boys declaring to MC? And reactions to acceptance and rejection? Thank you

These took me a while to write and were also somewhat difficult so please excuse it if you think some of these are out of character.

Lucifer

Seeing as he’s the Avatar of Pride, he wouldn't confess to you unless he was completely confident that you would accept.

Rejection

So when you reject his love confession he has to take a moment for his brain to process your answer. 

He thought for sure you reciprocated. He was 99% sure.

Wouldn’t say much more than “Excuse me then” and awkwardly clear his throat.That'd be about the last of a friendly convo you’d have with him.

Any other matters with you would be strictly professional. Things like school work. Updates on your tasks a what not

He would distance himself from you. He’d stuff those feelings down with the other ones he’s hid all these years. 

Guess that 1% mattered more than he thought

Acceptance(slight chapter 20 spoilers)

When you accept his advances he gives you a knowing, but loving smile.

Pulls you in and kisses you.

“I’ve always known that you wanted to do this” (Literally straight from 20-14)

Will want to spend time alone with you after you accept so that you two can enjoy your first few minutes/hours being a couple. 

Refuses to let anyone else have you for at least the rest of the day. As much as he would like to have you to himself forever, he knows his brothers would start a riot

Levi

It takes so much to build up his confidence enough to even think about confessing to you.He is a stuttering mess when he tries to tell you. Honestly, it's a miracle if he can even get it out. 

Rejection

When you reject him, you can almost feel his heart break

“Of course a normie like you wouldn’t want to be with a disgusting otaku like me”

Assumes you like one of his other brothers and mumbles about how “Its NOT fair…”

Shuts himself in his room nearly the entire remainder of your stay and avoids looking at you when being around you is mandatory.

He gets so incredibly jealous everytime he sees you being friendly and happy with other people but not him.

Puts all of his focus on anime and throws his money into merch as some retail therapy.

Won’t come to see you off on your final day because even though you rejected him and he hid, he can’t hide that he’s going to miss looking at you when you don’t notice or hearing your voice pass by his room. He was jealous but knowing you were close gave him a weird sense of comfort.

Acceptance

he understands that you have to think about it(maybe) but if there's too much hesitation this boy may run for it. 

“yeah I figured you wouldn't want to-“ wait...you said yes?...YOU SAID YES?!

Will make that “woooooah” sound that he makes when he gets excited. He is so blushy.

“You’re...you’re way better than Ruri-chan!”

Realizes that he’s clueless as to what to actually do in a relationship. 

Suggests he tries things that hes learned from his animes but...please help this boy. 

Belphie

Belphie isn’t too shy of a guy. If there’s something on his mind he has no problem telling someone what he thinks. This is apparently from how he openly expressed his opinions on destroying the human race.Once he realizes he loves you, he may be a little nervous to tell you but he won't stall too much. When he finds a moment alone with you, he will confess to you. 

Rejection 

The rejection hits him like a ton of brick but he just sighs and nods. 

“I see...I understand. I guess you’d be crazy to accept me anyways seeing as I tried to kill you…”

He feels a lot of guilt for his actions and thinks he was insane to think you’d love him back after everything he’s done. 

After this, Belphie seems to sleep longer than usual. 

Acceptance

His voice is steady and calm when he confesses to you but you can see the bright red on his ears. 

When you accept his confession, his eyes widen a bit and his cheeks fully flush. 

he smiles at you softly and chuckles a little. 

“wow...ill be honest I didn't expect you to say yes. I didn’t plan this far ahead so i'm not quite sure of what to do next”

He may be a tad bit awkward in the relationship at first until he gets comfortable with you. 

Expect all the snuggling and naps you could want!

Satan

Similarly to Lucifer, he doesn't ask unless he thinks you feel the same. He’s confident in himself when he confesses to you. He has a little smirk on his face as he waits for your answer.

Rejection 

As he expected! You don’t feel the s-.....You...don't feel the same?

His first instinct is to react with anger. 

Says many hurtful things that he doesn't mean in order to make you feel some of the pain he is feeling.

After he’s done he’ll storm off even angrier at himself for acting like he did and saying what he said

However, he won’t apologize. The ill feelings make it slightly easier to be away from you

Or that's what he tells himself

Acceptance

When you accept his confession he isn't too surprised but he is of course happy.

Puts his hands on bath sides of your face and kisses your forehead 

Being with him is very casual and laid back. 

He’ll like to take you places like the library or just to his room to read and talk about books. 

You can bet your ass he’s going to take you on every mystery adventure he can stick his nose into. You two will be like Holmes and Watson

Asmo

Asmo is telling you he loves you from the first time you arrive so it's hard to tell when he’s being super serious.When he honestly starts to put you before himself he's confused. 

Rejection 

and he’s also worried because...you already don’t seem to reciprocate any of his feelings no matter how much he flirts. 

When he comes to you to admit these feelings, he still kind of expects you to accept because he's so used to everyone else easily accepting him

And when you reject he still can’t quite accept it. He’s never had to deal with rejection so it throws him completely off. 

He’s persistent and will continually try to make you fall for him. 

You're the first person he’s ever truly loved and you didn’t feel the same. 

When he realizes that it just isn’t working, he falls on bad habits. 

He parties more than he does already, has even more flings(if possible), and slowly forgets to take care of himself. 

Acceptance 

Again, this is the first time Asmo has ever felt like putting anyone else above himself and also the first time he’s ever felt like devoting himself to one person. 

He admits this to you with a dramatic sigh.

Youll pretty much have to spell it out for him. ITS LOVE ASMO!

After you explain and tell him you feel the same...just be prepared.

He’s going to be so excited and all over, telling about all the things he wants to do with you...or to you. He speaks so freely about it that its enough to make anyone blush.

He best shows his feelings through physical touch so be prepared for a long night with the avatar of lust.

Beel

When Beel is around you, he doesn't feel hungry all the time. Being around you is so fulfilling to him.He’s happy around you. You’re the only one that makes him feel whole.

Rejection 

So when you reject him, his stomach drops. 

He understands and doesn't hold any hard feelings against you. In fact, he will act as he did before and still make sure you're always ok.

However, he eats a lot less than before.He doesn't feel hungry but this time it's for a different reason.

He feels full but he’s full of longing. Longing for someone he can never have. It weighs him down and makes even his favorite food taste bland. It’s like cotton in his mouth

He still loves you, but he has to love you from afar and it's so hard on him. But he will still act like the same ol’ Beel around you.

Acceptance 

Beel is all to happy when you accept.

In fact, one of the first things he wants to do is tell Belphie since he had been encouraging him to tell you the whole time.

Expect to be included in the “Twin Snuggle Pile”

He wants to try all sorts of new foods with you.

He’ll teach you how to cook if you don’t know how to already and it'll become a daily thing. It's one of the main things you two do to bond even more.

Honestly, being with Beel probably feels like being in one of those tv shows with the ideal husband.

Mammon 

Let's be honest, Mammon has also had a thing for “his human '' since they came to the Devildom. He didn't understand that what he was feeling was love at first. He thought it was the same feeling that you have when taking care of a pet. Even after coming to the realization that it was much more than that he tried to deny it. How could he have feelings  like these for a HUMAN???...Eventually he comes to terms with it and “begrudgingly” decides it’s time for “The Great Mammon” to sweep his human off their feet 

Rejection 

In a way, he is shocked. He’s embarrassed and sad.

In All honesty, he hadn’t really thought of the outcome of asking you . He just did it.

His face is blank for a second before he gives you his usual Mammon grin and laughs.

“Wow human that was harsh! Good thing it was all just a joke!” It wasn’t. 

He plays it off as a joke to save himself from the awkwardness of it but probably just makes it worse.

After this, he continues to try to be himself but there's a noticeable change. 

He’s not nearly as rambunctious and his prank level drops exponentially. 

I know I said Levi goes and does some retail therapy but this guy goes beyond that.

He will eventually go back to being his true old self but it takes him a while

Even the others are worried.

Acceptance 

“Ahahaha! Of course you’d accept The Great Mammon!” he stands there with a big, goofy, blushy smile on his face.

Like honestly, you would've thought he won the lottery! Which in his mind, he did.

He’s honestly so nervous of messing up. He doesn't want to do anything that'll run you off.

100% bragging to his brothers about, which fyi, be ready for the judgmental looks.

Please teach this boy about how to save money.

2/16/2020