#trigger warning for domestic violence

[riftdancing]

Why do you hold me...

...like you always owned me?

Every time I try to escape...

You bring out the tape...

Then I bite 'till it breaks.

• PART ONE • PART TWO <-

If you are interested in this plotline and want to know more I've talked about it in depth in this post.

[devsmuses]

open to: all! male/nb only if the pairing becomes romantic! plot: bambi has a rough home life and she always runs to your muse when she needs some reprieve and to vent. trigger warning for mentions of domestic violence.

her daddy had always been a cold, cold man but she'd never known him to be violent before her mama up and left them. no one in her life knew about the extent in which her father hurts her. they always just assume she means he's hurting her mentally or emotionally. she's come up with so many shitty lies to explain away bruises that it'd become second nature at this point. she was about to bend all the rules because of one fight with him. her knuckles wrapped against their door in what would've been an obnoxious manner if she wasn't sporting a brand new shiner on her left eye. tears soaked her face and as soon as she saw them open the door her words were spilling from her lips. "can i please stay here tonight? i have nowhere else to go and i really don't wanna sleep in my car after the night i've had."

[teenageguidelinesforcraptimes]

Prologue

So, telling true stories that should probably have a trigger warning sticker slapped over them… I should probably start with the basics.

My dad, according to years of painful observation, is a narcissistic abusive jackass. I live with him, my mum, and my brother, and we’ve been dealing with this for, let’s just say, a really really long time.

I’m not sugarcoating any of this crap. There’s your trigger warning.

The kind of abuse is emotional, verbal, and psychological. And almost physical a few times. And financial, from what I’ve seen him do to my mum. The abuse, when it reaches its peak, is when he gets mad. Usually, grown-up men should have healthy self control, and not lash out and start calling his own kid(me) stupid and worse stuff I’ll get into later, and blaming their mum for them being that way.

It gets worse. But that’s details for later. I’m not telling this whole dang story in one post, I’m planning on letting people know what it’s like to have no one officially coming to save you because you have no bruises, what it’s like to be trapped holding on until you get yourself out.

I don’t really have a plan on how to write these, I think in the next post I’ll write more. But this is kind of an intro/prologue, (I like books, so I might write fanfiction here too, not on this blog, obviously) so I’ll probably write in a storytelling-like way, and the real stories will begin in the next post.

See you then!

[happyheidi]

Did your partner try to kill you 😶😮😲🤯😩😭

Yes. Twice. First a car “accident” (that actually ended up in two papers here in Norway). He drove a huge Honda right into a little fence in record speed and it turned 180* degrees in the air and we ended up upside down. It was so weird because the medic said “it’s very important to use a seatbelt but in this specific instance if u had worn one ur neck would’ve cracked and u would most likely die. It’s important to wear a seatbelt at any time but this specific time it was actually good that u didn’t wear it”. HOW INSANE? I remember we told our parents when we had this “meeting” after this and no one believed it (not that it matters but I was just so stunned by it) but pls use a seatbelt!! This it not an anti-seatbelt announcement (wear ur seatbelt! Seriously!!!). I’m just relaying what he told me.

And the other time (I went back u see. Cus im an idiot u see…) and when I wanted to end it he said a version of the “if I can’t have u no one will” shit and stood there with a knife and said “well then one of us has to go” (and u know what ‘go’ means…) and I remember being really scared he was gonna hurt moffe (my dog) which he was always jealous of (imagine being jealous by a 3 kilo dog jeez man…) but yeah it was a little knife fight and it ended with the police (I called) and I had to walk to my dad in the coldest of winter. around 2 a clock at night I remember. It was legally his apartment after all. The rich wins. The cops didn’t even give me a ride. It was so cold I remember having to carry Moffe a lot of the way.. in the middle of the night. But I did love him at some point. He was the love of my life in many ways. I’m very glad I experienced that. I’m just sad it had to be such a dramatic ending.

I was always the “free spirit” so everyone including myself was very surprised when I ended up in a relationship. (I first started dating him when I was 16, we ended it when I was maybe 20, then two years without him and back at it again for a couple years) But I loved him a lot and I wish him all the best. I have no angry feelings towards him. I wasn’t an angel either. Tho it didn’t have to end like it did.

[troyandabedsnewapartment]

ON LOVE, ON VIOLENCE

1. consumed, david cronenberg | 2. taking it”, vievee francis | 3. the good fight, ada limón | 4. twin sized mattress, the front bottoms | 5. on the romance of cannibalism, silas denver | 6. allegory of divine wisdom (detail), andrea sacchi | 7. letters to milena, frank kafka | 8. teaching the dog not to nip, jim moore | 9. cherry wine, hozier | 10. warm bodies, isaac marion.

[skrifores]

I have seen the point being made that you don’t have to be in a romantic relationship for some behaviour to constitute domestic violence. I’m seeing this said with regards to Our Flag Means Death and what some people perceive as domestic abuse on Ed’s part - that him not being romantically involved with Izzy shouldn’t mean behaviour between can’t be considered domestic abuse.

It is an excellent point that in many places, the definition of domestic abuse isn’t restricted to intimate partners! It is often widened to consider any violence, coercion and emotional harm taking place within a home environment. Under this definition, children can be victims of domestic abuse by their parents, it can occur between siblings, even roommates - especially with a live-in landlord situation. And of course, the Revenge as well as being a workplace is ultimately where the characters live.

I think it’s very clear that the show is a workplace comedy about pirates, but if you want to apply the definition of violence, coercion and emotional harm within a home environment to your reading to the show, that can be done.

Of course, I would be surprised if you genuinely view it that way and still made it as far as even watching Season 2, given the way what you consider to be domestic abuse in this fictional setting happens so very often with little to no moral consequence, and is often intended to be taken as a joke.

I mean. In the very first episode, the crew talk about killing Stede, and begin to plan for this, including lighting him on fire.

Jim threatens Lucius and actually physically locks him in a small wooden box in the second episode for what seems to be quite a long time.

I think in 4, Izzy pulls on Fang’s beard and it really upsets him. He also talks pretty openly about the intention to kill the Revenge crew, though I’ll let that go at this stage since he doesn’t really live there so much as being there for the purpose of murdering them and stealing their stuff. Still, poor Fang, that looked like it hurt.

While we’re on Izzy, he does also actively try to kill Stede by stabbing him, and he then he goes and does the olde worlde equivalent of calling the cops on him on the intention of having him executed, which seems pretty fucked up on the ‘violence’ part of our DA definition but also hits pretty hard on coercive control since he’s doing this to get Ed to behave differently.

He does prevent the Navy from executing Ed, which is nice, but he does point out that he regrets this, which, ouch, emotional harm. If we’re doing real world definitions, “I should’ve let the cops I called on you murder you” is the sort of thing that would make me feel pretty fucked up. And we all know what it means when someone tells you to watch your step.

But it’s not all about Izzy! (It’s really not, guys, there’s a whole TV show here!) Buttons bites Lucius - who ends up needing the whole finger gone! And he’s a visual artist!

Even my darling man Roach tries to eat the Swede, and I’ve gotta say, I don’t think they were on that island long enough to justify murder.

And who could forget Mary?? Wonderfully written character, love her, but, she does with malice aforethought attempt to kill her spouse in his sleep with a skewer. She was right to do it, in my opinion, but y’know, even without broadening the definition beyond partner relationships, murder of your spouse is pretty classic domestic abuse.

So, y’know, the point I’m getting at really is that if your definition of domestic abuse is violence and control wherein the perpetrator and victim share a significant aspect of their lives like living space - that’s a fine definition in real life. It is the one I use, in real life. But if you apply it to Our Flag Means Death, I really don’t understand how you stomached watching the first season or why you came back for more.

And if you only apply this definition with regards to Ed’s behaviour, but not the rest of the characters, I do wonder why that might be.

[sephiroths-stuff]

So I moved to KY awhile back and my roommate turned out to be an abuser (physical and verbal) and while I HAVE kicked him out, I am in need of funds to help offset his share of bills in June/July.

Part of why I was assaulted was due to being a trans man who doesn't present the way my assaulter and former partner thinks I should so there's that fun bit.

If you want additional details feel free to DM me. Please share, reblog, etc.

[eefst-ar13-deactivated26q8]

More Lore for funsies.

I lived in a domestic violence household from the age of 7-14.

I watched my mum get beaten by her ex boyfriend for years.

I was the middleman in tons of arguments.

I had multiple phones smashed and my life controlled by a man who didn't want me to be able to talk to boys.

I was hit. dragged across the floor. (by someone)

verbally and emotionally abused.

I was pulled out of bed in the middle of the night in school nights to deal with screaming and shouting.

I was questioned by the police about the domestic violence as a witness and victim.

the police went through my phone and told me that the messages that my mum's ex was sending me were not appropriate for an adult to be saying to a child.

I lost my connection with my mum.

I lost my happiness.

@gardens-of-runar

[imaginedreamwrite]

Oh 7 is Curtis vibes 100%

Trigger warning: mentions of domestic violence, mentions of past domestic violence

His heavy footfalls in the deepening woods were still well placed compared to yours, and with every step he had taken in relative strength, you had seemed to stumble forward. You weren’t used to the thick undergrowth of the forest or the potential tripping hazards that were undetectable to you. Even for Curtis, who had essentially been born and bred on the very edge of civilization, had occasionally caught himself by surprise.

“Keep up-“

“-buttercup.” You snickered under your breath, following him into the woods while occasionally spying the axe over his shoulder with speculation.

The wooden handle seemed as if it was near the point of cracking and there was a rust line along the sharp edge of the axe that showed its well worn surface. Though it had been well used, obviously, Curtis had negated the idea of trying to get a new one.

“Ya know, you’re awful quiet-“

“Y/N.” he snapped and turned sharply on his heel, staring down at you with growing ire and burning eyes. “I promised your brother I’d keep you safe from your ex-fiancé but if you don’t shut your mouth-”

“Why are you grumpy all the time? Fuck me.” You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms over your chest, huffing deridingly. “You’re being paid aren’t you?”

“Move. Your. Ass.” Curtis grunted, placing a hand at the small of your back and giving you a sharp push to walk in front of him. “God forbid you trip of a blade of grass and break your neck.”

“Oscar the grouch has a better attitude than you,” you mumbled, taking the path he wanted you to while rubbing your hands together, “and he lives in a trash can.”

“You’re a pain in my ass.” Curtis regaled his continued irritation with a harsh huff of his own before he started stalking after you.

It was another half mile before he whistled sharply for you to stop. When you looked over your shoulder toward your warden, you watched him aimlessly swing his axe at a half logged tree with enough strength and power to, almost, cut it straight through.

Every swing was met with a soft grunt, every strike of the axe on the wood was another spike of potential desire that struck you deep. The longer you’d looked at Curtis chopping wood as if it was nothing more than cutting paper, the more attracted to the sailor’s tongue that cursed you out this morning.

“Princess, start packing.” Curtis spat to the left, his eyes narrowing in your direction and his lips slowly parting. “Y/N…take slow steps toward me.”

Fear struck you, the sensation of being watched had given rise to goosebumps on your arms. You wanted to turn your head. You wanted to look at what was behind you though you thought that if you had, you’d truly lose your last bits of composure.

“Y/N, dammit!” Curtis hissed, slow and harshly but quietly. “Take slow fucking steps-”

You heard it then, the sharp hissing and the yeowling coming from behind you. Hair on the back of your neck stood on end and you were given the impression that you were being stalked by something that wouldn’t think twice about sinking their teeth into your neck.

“Turn around and walk back, slowly.” Curtis directed you, and as you slowly turned around to face whatever beast was there, it jerked forward.

A shrill cry ripped from your mouth just as Curtis had darted froward with his axe in hand, and grabbed hold of the back of your shirt. It was a quick tug to send you flying away from the animal to your back, the wind being knocked from your lungs as you made contact with the hard ground.

You saw stars in your vision, mind completely rampant and you’d almost been completely unaware that you were crying until you felt hands cupping your cheeks.

“Fuck!” He cursed, your vision coming to focus as he appeared above you. “Princess, you fuck-”

You jerked away from him, crawling a few feet before the first bout of bile spilled from your lips. Your fingernails dug into the wet blanket of rotting leaves, the tainted stench of copper burned your nose.

“Y/N-”

“Get away from me!” You screamed at him through tears, your throat burning and your head pounding as if someone had stabbed you in the head. “Get the fuck away from me!”

It all came to a head, you lowered your upper body to the dirty forest floor and sobbed. Every ounce of heartbreak, fear and devastation from your broken relationship was pouring from you. Your near death experience had rocked you although it was just the tip of whatever hellish iceberg you were being throttled by.

“Get the fuck away from me…” you whined, you wailed and laid there on the forest floor with your lower body still angled into a crawling position.

It was nefarious, the mess you made of yourself. And like your ex fiancé had, over and over, you expected Curtis to figuratively kick you when you were down and leave you.

You almost wanted him to, you didn’t want him to see you like this. Not with snot and vomit, tears and puffy afflicting you. You didn’t want him to see you stuck in a position of weakness that your ex-fiancé had forced you into time and time again.

“Get the fuck-!" You bit at him, you cursed him over and over, trying to fight him as he lifted you from the forest floor.

Your legs were kicking, your arms swinging to bat him off of you. Until a light switch had been flicked and you went limp in his arms with your head lolling back and your eyes transfixed on the sky. Tears were rolling down your cheeks and your chest was heaving from the approach of a panic attack.

“Beautiful Dreamer, wake unto me. Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee. Sounds of the rude world heard in the day. Lull'd by the moonlight have all passed away!” You started singing the familiar song, slowly and quietly whispering as Curtis carried you away from whatever animal was laying there.

You didn’t look, you couldn’t look. Rather you kept your eyes trained to the greying blanket of clouds trapping cool air in, and the crunch of twigs under his boots.

“Beautiful dreamer, queen of my song. List while I woo thee with soft melody. Gone are the cares of life's busy throng.” Curtis’ voice surprised and captivated you, his deep rumble echoed in your ears as he sung the same song as you, hands clutching your protectively.

[inorganicone2230]

Purity (Finale Part 1 of 2) Yandere!Overhaul x Fem!Reader

Part 28 & Finale Part 2 of 2

Summary: Overhaul meets a quirkless foreigner who holds some very interesting views on his way of thinking. The more time he spends with her, the more he wants to keep her and her purity for himself. And he has no problem with falling to the depths of obsession if it means getting what he wants.

Other Warnings: Trigger warnings, mentions of past domestic and physical abuse, blackmail, referenced kidnapping, referenced rape, referenced physical abuse/torture, emotional and mental manipulation, toxic relationship, gaslighting, forced pregnancy, VERY YANDERE!!! See tags for more…

Side Note: I do NOT and never will condone the actions committed in this and future chapters, please be mindful and respectful of the fact that all of this is purely fiction.

5 Years Later

Looking down at his phone to check the time, Kai nearly groaned when he saw that it was already well past 6pm and they were still nowhere near ready to see this latest deal closed.

They had been debating these negotiations with this new group for the last three hours and despite Kai and the Hassaikai’s incredibly generous offer, they still hadn’t found a mutually agreeable price or terms to settle on.

“Look,” The head of the group said, clearly annoyed that they weren’t giving into their, quite frankly, ridiculous demands. “I just don’t see what the big deal is; all we’re asking is for an undiluted sample of the product to see how it will respond to someone under the effects of a stronger form of trigger.”

“The problem is that it’s a risk and a liability that we’re not willing to take.” Hari said for the umpteenth time through gritted teeth. “It’s been nearly five years since we completed our finished product, and in that time, we haven’t seen a single successful copycat drug hit the streets, so as I’m sure you can imagine, it’s a record we’d like to see keep going for as long as possible.”

One of the men across the table, an enforcer with a temper worse than Mimic’s, slammed his fist on the table in outrage.

“Are you uptight assholes trying to accuse us of wanting to double-cross you?!”

Kai rolled his eyes at the pathetic display before speaking up himself.

“I believe what my second in command is trying to say is that it’s a risk we’re just not willing to take for anyone.” He tapped a gloved hand on the paperwork in front of him. “You’re not the first buyers to ask us for such concessions, and we’ve turned them all down, even groups that we’ve had good standing with for generations, so no, we’re not about to break that stance for a gang that’s only just barely made a mediocre name for themselves.” His golden eyes flashed bright, promising pain and torment for anyone who thought it a smart idea to question him and the man who opened his mouth to respond to the insult, wisely shut it. “So, you can either take what we have so kindly offered you, with a small discount as a show of our immense generosity, or you can leave this room and consider yourselves permanently blacklisted from our dealings and future negotiations.”

The men across from him all sneered with outright contempt.

“And here I thought the infamous Overhaul was supposed to be a tyrant without mercy, a monster disguised as a man.” The leader said, giving him a once-over that clearly said he wasn’t all that impressed. “Seems to me that all those stories are nothing but baseless rumors.”

“Is that so?” Kai asked, rather absentmindedly, and as if in answer, his glove, along with the stack of papers underneath his hand quickly became particles floating through the air. “Should you continue with this disrespectful posturing, I can just as easily do the same to your bodies and you can leave this room, and the world of the living, through the drains in the floor.”

The men opposite him and Hari suddenly looked far less confident and Kai’s blood thrummed with the promise of potential violence. He didn’t relish the mess that would inevitably follow, but after last night, he needed something to take the fucking edge off, and wiping these vermin permanently out of existence seemed a good enough choice.

In the five years since the birth of his and your son, Kazue, there had been a great deal of changes brought about by the boundaries he’d set for you and himself to follow. Most of the changes were in regards to his relationship with you and the children, and it most definitely took some getting used to it all in the beginning, especially during that first year.

Touching you had been like second nature to him by that point and there were so many times where he had caught himself reaching for you and had to physically leave the room for fear of breaking his promise to you. He was a man of conviction after all, and he prided himself on his sense of self control, but not being able to hold you in his arms or feel your lips and body against his own was pure torture for him. He’d gone so long despising even the thought of physical contact with others, but once he got a taste of it with you, he became addicted.

That’s why he tried so hard to stay as far away from you as possible in those early days, spending as much time around you as he used to proved to be too much of a temptation for him and he was determined to prove to you that he could be a man of his word.

One of the first changes he had tried to make in the beginning had been in offering to find another place for himself to sleep, especially once he moved you all up into the house above the tunnels, a suggestion you had, very surprisingly, turned down. Sadly though, he didn’t need to be informed that it wasn’t because you would have missed his presence beside you at night, but because you didn’t want to worry Eri by letting her believe there was animosity between the two of you. You would continue to share his bed in a strictly platonic manner and keep up the guise of being cordial with him, if only for the sake of the children and their stability. But beyond that, and raising the children together, you did much of everything without him back then.

Along with the loss of his intimacy with you, he ceased doing quite a lot with you during that time period; picking out your clothes for the day, bathing with you, making idle conversation with you, even just spending quality time with you in the same room, all of it came to a sudden halt. None of it was out of maliciousness on his part of course, it was just easier to stay away until he could get a grasp on his self control. A task that proved itself to be one of the most difficult of his young life.

And that’s roughly how the first two years had progressed.

You spent time with him, usually only when the children were involved, and life dragged on accordingly. And over time, he ever so slowly began to lose hope that anything would change the horrible circumstances of his own careless actions.

Until one event that set in motion a ripple effect, one that went on to ever so slowly alter the last three years, enough to restore that small ember of hope he’d been holding onto.

—————

It was late, nearly three in the morning, by the time he slowly and quietly made his way through the halls of the ‘family residence’ and into the bedroom, silently praying that you and the children were already asleep and that he wouldn’t accidentally wake any of you up and have to explain his haggard appearance. Getting to spend time with you and his babies was usually the best part of his day, but not tonight. It had already been such an agonizingly long and hard day, one of the most difficult of his life, and he just didn’t have the drive or the energy to deal with anything else.

Unfortunately though, those prayers went unanswered as he quietly opened the door to find you still awake and sitting up in bed with a book in hand.

You looked up, your beautiful face as impassive as ever, and if you were at all surprised or concerned by his less than normal countenance, then you certainly didn’t show it, and he was far too tired and drained by that point to feel hurt by the minor snub.

“What are you still doing up?” He asked quietly, more out of habit than actual interest, as he trudged over to his dresser to pull out a clean pair of boxers and sleeping pants.

Since anything and everything sexual was now off the table for the two of you, he had conceded and begrudgingly, but understandably, started wearing some kind of sleepwear to bed. He found it uncomfortable most nights, as he was so accustomed to sleeping in the nude, but he found that as long as he was wearing something that at least left his lower body covered, like a simple pair of boxers, you didn’t feel the need to voice any complaints about it. Although, when this arrangement had first started, he was smugly pleased to see that you were just as uncomfortable as he was when it came to wearing clothing to bed. In the beginning you tried to wear the most unflattering pajama sets to bed in an effort to hide your body from him, but those attempts had lasted all of three months before you broke down and just started wearing the least revealing nightgowns and other sleepwear he’d previously purchased for you to bed at night. It certainly wasn’t something he was ever going to mention for fear of losing the stunning visuals they provided him with, and definitely not now that he was forced to take his pleasure into own hands… quite literally these days.

Under normal circumstances, he would have spent a few minutes talking to you and greedily drinking in the sight of you in a silky midnight blue night shirt and shorts, especially when he could clearly see the outline of your nipples straining against the delicate material, but the entrancing sight held nearly no sway over him this night.

He saw you shrug out of the corner of his eye and turn the page of your book, just as uninterested in him as you always were. “Kazue got a tummy ache after dinner tonight, so I sat up with him until it passed and he was able to fall asleep. I’m starting to think he might be a bit lactose intolerant, and it was the cream based sauce that did it.”

“I see…” Was his only response as he made his way into the bathroom to take a scalding hot shower, completely missing your wide eyed stare following him all the way to the bathroom and lingering long after the door had shut behind him.

—————

And perhaps it was his complete and utter disinterest in the well-being of his son that tipped the scales in his favor that night and made you act so out of character, Kai thought to himself, because any other time you said such a thing, he would have been asking a whole host of increasingly concerned questions and rushing into the child’s room to see for himself that he was safe a well.

—————

By the time Kai emerged from the bathroom over an hour later, his skin having turned a pinkish red and scrubbed so raw in places that he’d likely taken away a layer or two, the bedside lamp was shut off and you were nestled comfortably under the covers, though he could tell you were still wide awake. But still, he said nothing as he pulled back the covers and finally laid down. He was exhausted, both mentally and emotionally, and he felt it deep down in his bones, but he just couldn’t seem to get his mind to settle.

It also didn’t help that he could feel your gaze drilling holes into his back and adding to his already mounting tension.

You hadn’t said anything, but he could feel your questions hanging in the air all around him and the pressure of it made his already sensitive and scalded skin itch. He’d never had this kind of adverse reaction to you before and it terrified him to no small degree. He knew it was just the lingering effects from what had occurred today, but still, it wasn’t a feeling he’d ever wanted to experience where you were concerned.

So he answered your unspoken question, if only to try and make the itching go away.

“He’s dead…”

The two softly spoken words rang hollow in the quiet of the bedroom and while Kai knew he didn’t need to elaborate further on who he was referring to, you would already know, the floodgates were now open and he couldn’t stop himself from speaking further, even if there was no prompting for it from you.

“The underling assigned to care for him said that the readings on all his monitors were fine this morning, but when he came back to check on him during lunch…” He trailed off, his throat constricting around the words as he fought to keep some semblance of his composure intact, but against all his best efforts, a pathetic and broken sound, somewhere between a sob and whine, slipped out of him instead. He hated how weak he felt in this moment; he’d seen his own fair share of death and horrible things over the years, Hell!, he’d performed human medical experiments that could easily be qualified as torture, and on his own daughter of all people! And yet he’d never felt as grief stricken and misguided after coming to terms with those instances, not the way he did right now with this.

He knew it was bound to happen someday, Pops dying… but he never thought it would be so soon, and certainly not before he was able to wake him up and show the man everything he had achieved, not just for the Shie Hassaikai and the yakuza, but for himself.

And now he would never get that chance.

He would never get to tell him how much he honored and respected him, or how grateful he was to have been saved and raised by him, how he thought of him as a father, even if he’d never had the courage to call him by such a title in all the years he’d been under his roof. He’d never get to introduce you to him and hear him laugh when you inevitably called him out on his bullshit and sometimes poor behavior, or see him hold Kazue in his arms and try Eri’s spectacular cooking for the first time. He’d never again feel that strong hand on his shoulder, or hear his voice telling him how proud he was of him despite all his faults and mistakes.

But worst of all, is knowing how he’d never get the chance to beg for his forgiveness, and tell him just how sorry he was for what he’d done that last day they’d spoken, when he laid out the original details of his plan, before everything changed… before you had come into his life and changed everything.

When you failed to respond after a few moments, Kai began wondering if he had imagined you still being awake. Perhaps it had been wishful thinking on his part and his tired mind had simply wanted to believe that you were just the slightest bit worried for him. 

He was just about to roll over to try and sleep, and hopefully forget all about this for a little while in dreamless oblivion, when he felt a light pressure on his bicep, so light and tentative that, were his skin not so sensitive from the shower, he might not have noticed it right away.

The contact of your hand made him immediately go rigid, completely terrified that one wrong move would send you reeling back to the other side of the bed. He’d been so distracted that he hadn’t noticed you inching closer to his side of the bed until now, and he didn’t even know what to do with himself. Sure, there had been brief and accidental exchanges of touch since Kazue had been born, usually when passing the children to one another or when you got in close quarters with each other, but in all actuality, you hadn’t gone out of your way to touch him in years, and now, he didn’t have a single clue as to what to make of this. It wasn’t as if he was complaining about it, far from it, but he just didn’t know what to take it as.

He told you before that every future touch would be on your terms, and he wanted to keep his word on that front, and he truly didn’t know if this moment was meant to go beyond what was already happening. He didn’t want to misinterpret you touching him like this as more than what you were intending it to be, because for all he knew, you only meant for this to be a consoling touch to try and give him some small form of comfort during this difficult situation he was facing. So he would take what he could get and he would commit this feeling to memory and use it on days when the strain of not being able to touch you was at its strongest, he would use it as a reminder of what he was working so hard to prove to you.

…

…

…

Minutes passed, and after some time, he received yet another shock when he felt the slightest pull on his arm.

He barely noticed it at first, and when he did, he just assumed you were getting ready to take your hand back, but when your touch lingered, the pull becoming more insistent, he finally gave in and turned to face you.

You were laying on your side, a look of conflicted contemplation settled over your face and his eyes immediately zeroed in on the way you were biting your bottom lip, a clear sign you were deep in thought on a subject you likely considered very worrisome. Even with the tragedy of Pops’ death hanging like a morbid sheet over his head, Kai couldn’t keep his mind away from thoughts of how those perfect lips of yours used to feel wrapped around his cock, or even how they simply felt against his own. If things weren’t so strained and different between the two of you these days, he likely would have been inside you already, using pleasure and ecstasy to temporarily push aside the unusual feelings of sorrow and grief that were currently plaguing his mind.

As it stood though, that wasn’t even an option right now and he needed to get a hold of himself and gain back some semblance of self control.

“Was…” His voice sounded strained and thick, even to his ears, and he cleared his throat before continuing. “Was there something you needed, my love?” He asked cautiously, not wanting to make a big deal about this odd touch of yours and risk spooking you.

You didn’t respond though, in fact, you couldn’t even bring yourself to keep eye contact with him for longer than a few seconds. There was just enough light in the room for him to see that your gaze kept shifting around, and he wondered what was going on inside your head for you to be feeling so nervous and fidgety. It wasn’t a trait you often showed around him, not anymore at least.

Eventually, after a few more quiet moments of thought, you finally got your bearings back and decided to show him what you wanted, rather than expressing it through words, as you rolled over onto your back and opened your arms to him…

Kai was so shocked and stunned by this unexpected turn of events, that he didn’t know what to do with himself and he just continued to stare at you with wide eyes and an open mouthed expression adorning his usually carefully controlled features.

“Well…” You finally snapped at him quietly, although the words carried zero bite to them. “Are you going to come over here or not?” Your voice was barely above a whisper, as if you were afraid of being too loud for some reason.

But at your insistence, Kai moved without another thought.

—————

Even three years later, Kai could still remember that night with perfect clarity.

He could still recall the warmth and softness of your skin, the feel of your arms wrapping around his back in an awkward, but still comforting embrace, he could even remember the way you’d smelled of lilies and eucalyptus as he’d buried his face in the crook of your neck and shoulder. But what he recalled the most vividly, was how he hadn’t felt the least bit judged for the tears that eventually started to fall, or for the quiet sobs that had shaken his body. And all the while, you had simply and silently held him through all of it, you had even stroked your hands up and down the length of his back once in a while.

You hadn’t offered him your condolences or any words of comfort, but what you did give him was so much more profound. The fact that you had chosen to set aside your own negative opinions and personal feelings for him and allowed him to have that moment of silence to grieve and let it all out, that mattered more to him than mere words could ever hope to convey. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d cried over anything, he’d come very close to it a few times during the days surrounding Kazue’s horrifically premature birth, but the ability to shed true tears was something he thought he’d long since purged from himself.

And afterwards, during the following morning, when he’d slowly and silently pulled himself from your arms, savoring every last second he could soaking up your warmth and scent, before he allowed himself to give your cheek the lightest of kisses, he thought that would be the first and last time something like that would occur, that it was a one and done moment. He assumed you wouldn’t even want to talk about it, so he hadn’t brought it up at all and chose instead to keep it tucked away in his heart as a sort of keepsake memory.

But, to his still shocked and bewildered delight, you had offered him the same thing again that night… and the next night, and the night after that, until it became commonplace and a habit neither of you seemed willing to break.

And slowly, little by little, you started opening up to him more after that and Kai relished every moment of it.

He wasn’t delusional enough to think you had entirely accepted your life here with him, he knew that acceptance and complacency were two vastly different concepts, and you were still far from happy. But every time you let your guard down and touched him, or gave him a smile that wasn’t forced and strained for the children’s sake was still a win for him. It felt so much more rewarding and genuine, in a way forcing you never had. He still couldn’t bring himself to fully regret the actions he’d taken that had led him to this point, but now he could see the benefits that could be obtained through time and patience. It wasn’t easy by any means, there were still days where he found himself feeling resentful and bitter that he was having to work so hard for something that, in his mind, he still viewed as rightfully his, but a quick flashback to the awful day of Kazue’s birth was usually enough to snap him out of it.

Sometimes, the memories of that day were so terribly vivid that it felt like he was reliving it all over again and he could still hear the sound the back of his fist had made as it cracked against your face, or the sound of your heavily pregnant body hitting the floor. Those were the mild ones though, the worst came when he could see your blood on his hands and smell the coppery scent of it hanging in the air all around him.

It was so bad in the beginning that he often awoke from nightmares of it, gasping for breath and drenched in a cold sweat that even the heat of a blistering shower couldn’t fully wipe away.

But it was getting better with time, and as selfish as he knew it was, the main reason for that was because he had the assurance that you would never know or remember the exact details of what happened that terrible day. Even five years later, you never once gave him any indication to believe that the false memory he had planted in your mind was fading. It didn’t completely wash away the immense guilt he still felt over it, but had you been allowed to hold it over his head like he knew you most certainly would have, it would have eventually torn him apart from the inside out and made even looking at you and the children nearly unbearable.

…

…

…

“Are you listening to me you fucking asshole?!”

Something whizzed past his face and crashed into the wall behind him, pulling him from his musings and bringing his mind back to the present situation at hand.

Kai turned his head to see that it was the bottle of whiskey that had been sitting in the middle of the table, the amber liquid slowly trickling down the pristine white wall and forming a puddle on the floor, along with the broken shards of glass.

Having two children, especially when one of them was a very rambunctious toddler, had done a lot to help him develop a stronger tolerance for messes and disorder, but even so, having a full grown man throw such a childish temper tantrum in his presence was more than enough to make his brow twitch in irritation.

Kai shook his head in disgust. “I have to admit, this really is rather pathetic.” He said, turning back to face the group across from him. “ When my son was going through his terrible twos, he was still better behaved than you and your sorry lot.” And from somewhere behind him, he heard quiet laughter come from the men standing against the wall. Not a surprise really, his Precepts had all spent enough time around the boy these last five years and knew perfectly well how energetic he could be, thankfully though, for as much as Kazue took after Kai in the looks and quirk department, he had seemingly inherited your mellow disposition.

It took a minute, but once the insult fully registered, the man’s face turned an impressive shade of red for a few moments before a thought must have hit his pea-sized brain and a sinister smirk curled up the corner of his lips.

“A son, huh?” He said, easily taking the bait Kai laid out for him. “Gotta say, I never would have suspected that the feared Head of the Shie Hassaikai was a family man.” The morons behind him must have thought he was doing a remarkable job of it, since they all laughed right along with him, and spurred on by his men’s reactions, he unknowingly kept digging his own grave. “That must mean you have yourself a woman…” 

His words might have actually hit their intended mark, had Kai not already anticipated the response and prepared his temper for it accordingly. He didn’t exactly need a reason to take the fools out, he could have done so already and called it a day, but he was feeling generous at the moment and decided to allow the scumbags before him to think they could have been spared from his wrath if only they had left talk of you and Kazue out of it.

“I’ve heard how insanely high maintenance you are, so she must be one helluva ride in the fucking sack if she caught your eye.” He continued on, so convinced of his own superiority over Kai and his Precepts that he failed to notice the way his disrespectful words had very quickly drawn the ire of the loyal men standing behind the golden eyed leader. “Tell you what, you give me and my men a free pass with her, and we’ll call this whole situation a simple misunderstanding.”

Kai knew that such a remark was coming, but even then, the rage that consumed him was so blinding, so all consuming, that it almost caused his quirk to activate without conscious thought.

But surprisingly, it wasn’t Kai himself that reacted first, it was Hojo who slammed the side of a crystal fist against the back wall, the force of it cracking the cement and rattling the room hard enough that debris rained down from the ceiling in a few places.

“Keep your disgusting comments about the Lady out of your filthy mouths.” He said, his tone low and menacing. “If I hear something like that again, I’ll personally nail each and every one of you to the walls by your shriveled up balls and dicks.” Hojo’s eyes were normally shadowed, but right now, the crystals that formed them were bright and blazing with barely contained fury.

Silence filled the meeting room for a few short seconds before the leader of the soon to be eradicated gang spoke up again, this time with a bit of fear lacing his otherwise steady tone of voice. Kai didn’t know if it was overconfidence, or just plain stupidity that kept him from pissing himself, but the little fucker had some balls, that was for sure, and Kai was willing to give him credit in that regard at the very least.

“Are all of you Hassaikai pricks this sensitive when it comes to such little things?” He scoffed dismissively before meeting Kai’s gaze. “You disrespected us, and I only suggested it as an easy way for you to express your regrets, but if it’s too difficult to hand over your woman to us for a night, then I’m sure we can figure something else out to fix this situation.”

Kai was now thoroughly convinced; this moron's overinflated bravado and sense of self worth was heightened by nothing more than sheer stupidity. For him to think that Kai cared enough about making this deal happen that he’d be willing to bend over backwards to please them was just plain laughable. They had more than enough mules to push their product, they didn’t need these inconsequential nobodies, but enlisting a few extra hands never hurt.

It’s just a shame that some of those hands were a little too far reaching.

“Is that so?” Kai said quietly. “You must be quite full of yourself if you think that asking for permission to violate my wife is something I’m just going to overlook?” His voice was level and lethally calm, but the absolute disgust he felt could be heard in each word he spoke.

The moment the words registered in their pea-brain heads, all the men went as still as statues and noticeably paled. It would have been one thing if they had insulted a common whore or a bed warmer, but they didn’t, they insulted a powerful leader’s wife, and it didn’t make a lick of difference to Kai whether the fools knew that detail beforehand or not.

They tried to plead half-hearted apologies, then they begged, then they tried to run…

Then, the bloodletting began.

—————

Kai slumped back in the chair behind his desk with an audible groan as Hari placed a glass of bourbon before him and took a seat across from him with his own.

“So, did you get it all out of your system?” The silver haired man asked him, hiding his insufferable and knowing grin with a well timed sip of his drink.

Kai glared, albeit half-heartedly. “And just what is that supposed to mean?” He asked, and picked up his own glass, downing the knuckles worth of liquor in one go

Kai’s disposition had mellowed out in the years since Kazue’s birth, Hari thought, and while he would never call the man soft or say he’d lost his brutal edge, he had certainly opened up and relaxed a bit more when it came to those within their inner circle. But even still, he knew better than to outright laugh at him. He could easily get away with a bit of heckling, but even he had his limits where Kai’s temper was concerned.

“You went into that meeting looking for any excuse you could to take out that pent up aggression of yours on them, that’s the only reason you allowed it to happen in the first place.” The second in command shot back. “So, which one of you was it this time?”

There was silence between them for a few more heartbeats before Kai spoke.

“Her.”

That one simple word carried so much weight to it that Hari could practically see it wearing his friend down.

“Well that explains it.”

Kai nodded in answer but didn’t elaborate any further. There was no need to, Hari already knew everything there was to know about the situation, about the little game you and he had been playing for the better part of the last two years.

It had truly been an accident, the day you had unknowingly walked into this very office, only to find him with his hand wrapped around his cock, and watching one of the many saved videos he had from the camera recordings of your old room down below. The volume had been reduced considerably, but there had been no mistaking the sound of flesh slapping against flesh, or that of your exquisite voice moaning and crying out his name.

You had stood in the doorway for only a handful of seconds before turning on your heel and leaving without a single word, but in that short span of time, Kai had seen the way your eyes lingered on his aching cock, had seen the way you licked your dry lips before biting the bottom one between your teeth. It was that image, not the one of you and himself together on the screen of his computer, that had sent him over the edge into a mind numbing orgasm.

But once the haze of pleasure had ebbed away and no longer clouded his sense of thought or reason, the panic had quickly set in. All throughout the rest of the day, he had been terrified that this incident would set back all the progress the two of you had made together so far these last three years. He had anticipated you getting angry and calling him a vile piece of shit at best, or giving him the cold shoulder at worst, what he hadn’t expected though, was that you wouldn’t do anything at all.

At first…

Nothing was amiss, you’d acted no differently than normal, and if he hadn’t known any better, he might have even gotten it into his head that he had imagined your appearance in his office earlier. He let himself think that perhaps you just wanted to pretend that it had never happened and you were showing him kindness by not bringing it up. So, as the night wore on, he’d relaxed more and more, and when the children were finally put to bed and fast asleep, he hadn’t given it a single thought when you said you were going to take a bath to relax before joining him in bed.

Until he saw you approach his closet, got a look at what you had grabbed from its contents, and realized that your real reaction was going to be so much worse for him than what he had originally built up in his mind.

—————

Kai watched, his curiosity now thoroughly peaked enough that he didn’t dare ask what it was you were doing, as you made a beeline straight for his closet.

He kept his eyes trained on the entryway as you disappeared into an out of the way corner within the small space and began rummaging around. He strained his hearing, trying his best to figure out what you were looking for based on the sounds, but he couldn't be entirely too sure and gave up after a short while, resigning himself to just learning what it was when you finally emerged.

And soon enough, you did, but what you held in your hand was nearly enough to give him a heart attack, because there, dangling loosely from your grip, as if it were nothing more that a simple article of clothing, was one of the many toys he’d always kept stashed away in a trunk at the back of the closet. He’d kept them all, but after he moved you and everyone else upstairs to the main house, he’d made sure that you and he had separate closets, so you’d have a place to change clothes in private, and the trunk was placed in his, and somehow, you must have guessed that he’d do such a thing, because he had certainly never mentioned it to you.

He recognized it as one that he’d used on you fairly regularly; long and purple, it was shaped like a realistic cock, including ridges to resemble veins and complete with all the bells and whistles of a regular vibrator, it even had an attachment meant to help stimulate the clit. And whenever he used it on you back then, he always loved just letting it sit there inside of you, sometimes tucking your soaked panties around its base to help keep it in place so his hands could be free to pleasure you in other places, or stimulate himself while he watched and listened to you beg and plead with him to take it out or make the over-stimulation end.

He tried to keep you from seeing just how much the sight of you with that object was affecting, not just a certain key area of his lower body, but his mental state as well, but he highly doubted he was doing a very good job of it. He sometimes didn’t know how to act around you anymore now that he was striving to be less dominant and forceful with you. It was probably one of the hardest things he had ever done, and even now, after years of teaching himself not to react in a volatile manner when you did or said something that he didn’t approve of, it still ate away at his pride a little.

The idea of you pleasuring yourself was never a thought he allowed his mind to dwell on for too long, mostly because it was a subject that did nothing more than rub salt into the wound that was his still broken heart. All it did was remind him of those last words you spoke to him right before that terrible incident three years ago, when you said you always tried to think of someone else every time he forced himself on you. He knew you’d only said it to hurt him, but the comment most definitely hit its intended target, and every time the words unwittingly came to the forefront of his mind, it proved a challenge for him to keep himself from raging like a madman. He wanted so very badly to grab you and throw you down onto the bed, to fill you with his cock again and make you cry out his name like a prayer to the heavens, make you swear that you’d never touch yourself again unless it was to put on a show for him.

 These days though, those moments were growing fewer and farther between.

He knew that his dominant and forceful approach to intimacy wasn’t something he’d ever be able to completely erase from his personality, but he promised himself that if you ever choose to be intimate with him again, he would put forth every ounce of effort he could muster towards begin better, to being a man that was worthy of your willingness and acceptance. He’d told you before that if you ever choose to be with him like that again, that things would go right back to the way they’d been and you would have no one to blame but yourself for it, and while that statement had been true at the time, that was no longer the case for him.

But seeing you standing before him now, dressed in nothing but a black nightgown that hugged all your lovely curves perfectly and holding that toy in your delicate hand, he felt his self control hanging on by a very flimsy thread as he, very unrealistically, imagined you blessedly asking him to help you with it.

He was so distracted by the sight of you that he barely heard you when you spoke and he had to awkwardly ask you to repeat yourself.

You didn’t smile or react in any way except to hold the vibrator up in the air, as if it needed to be pointed out so he’d know what you were referring to, and repeat yourself.

“This one is waterproof, right?” You asked, your face a mask of bored indifference. “I remember you used it on me in the shower a few times, or was it a different one than this? There were a few purple ones mixed in there.”

Kai blinked at you in shock, because in the last three years, not a single word had been uttered between the two of you regarding your prior sex life. He hadn’t wanted to trigger you by making references to it, and he just assumed that you never brought it up because of fairly obvious reasons. It genuinely surprised him how easily you were mentioning it, and with such a straight face and bland expression. He guessed you were only trying to goad him into reacting as pay back for what you had caught him doing earlier, but he figured it was best to move it along quickly to avoid falling into whatever trap you were potentially trying to lay out for him. His patience and self control could only stretch so far after all.

He cleared his throat and forced his gaze to turn back towards the report in his hand, not that he was actually reading it anymore, but that was beside the point.

“It’s waterproof.” He said, perhaps a bit too tightly. “It’s been years since it’s been used though, so the batteries might be dead, and it’ll need to be thoroughly cleaned.”

He hoped that would be enough to satisfy you and you’d finally take it away from his presence, but the sudden buzzing sound told him he wasn’t that lucky and he gripped the paperwork in his hand all the tighter to keep himself in check.

“Sounds like it’s working just fine to me.” You said, clicking it through all of its different settings before it went silent once more and he relaxed ever so slightly. “If you’re asleep when I get done, I’ll try not to wake you up when I come to bed.”

And with that, you walked off, quietly shutting the bathroom door behind you and leaving him alone in relative silence, but the moment he heard the sound of rushing water filling up the tub, he scrambled to turn the bedside lamp off and go to sleep as quickly as possible. He hoped he might get lucky and you’d do whatever it was you wanted with that thing while the water was still running and spare him from the potential torture of having to hear anything, or better yet, maybe you wouldn’t do anything with it at all and you taking it in there with you was just for show.

The water shut off and he waited a solid ten minutes or so before he deemed it safe to finally relax and try to fall asleep like normal, but then it happened…

He heard the muffled vibrations of the toy and the sloshing of the water, and not even a few seconds later, his keen hearing also picked up on the unmistakable sound of your quiet little moans and gasps of pleasure.

He was lying on his stomach, with his hard cock pinned uncomfortably between himself and the bed, but he refused to move and relieve himself. Even as the noises you made grew higher in pitch and more erratic, he wanted to listen to them all, to absorb them all and use them for his own fantasies, and all the while, he felt utterly torn between praying that you’d stop, and never wanting it to end. He couldn’t stop himself from wondering if it was himself you were thinking of in there, if you were remembering all the ways he used to touch you and kiss you, if you were hearing his phantom voice whispering filthy words and dark promises in your ear, but most of all, he couldn’t help but wonder if you would end up feeling dirty and regretting it afterwards, if you were in fact thinking of him.

Eventually, your voice reached a pitch that couldn’t be misinterpreted as anything but that of someone reaching the peak of orgasmic pleasure and Kai found himself near to weeping in gratitude when all went quiet again before the sound of draining water filled the silence instead. He knew you would be coming out and climbing into bed at any moment and silently willed his aching cock and rising desire to calm down and lessen.

A few minutes later, after the water stopped draining from the tub, Kai heard the door quietly creak open and he listened intently while you padded across the carpeted floor and climbed into bed with him.

He was surprised when he felt you slide over and cuddle up to his back, having thought that you wouldn’t be comfortable with it tonight, but you dropped your arm across his waist and allowed your hand to rest on his stomach, dangerously close to the tip of still fully erect cock, but he certainly wasn’t about to make any complaints about it. These moments with you at night were bittersweet torture for him, but Kai wouldn’t end them for all the world, not when it was the only time he allowed himself the privilege of touching you for longer than a few scant seconds. Even if the puffs of your breath on the back of his neck made his hips and cock twitch, and the feel of your unbound breasts pressing into his shoulder-blades made him imagine rolling over-top of you and latching his mouth onto one of those sensitive little nipples through the nightshirt you currently wore.

“Kai?”

Your voice cut straight through the fog of sleep that was beginning to cloud his senses and he shifted ever so slightly to let you know he was still aware and listening.

He felt you smile against the back of his neck and stiffened when you leaned up to breathe the words against the sensitive skin behind his ear. “I just thought you should know that we’re even for now.” And to his complete shock and surprise, you laid a quick, barely there kiss to that same little spot of skin. “That’s all.”

—————

That night was the precursor to what would become this ongoing game between the two of you that had been playing out for nearly two years.

Kai hadn’t been able to get what you’d said out of his head for nearly a week afterwards, or rather, it was two words in particular that stuck with him so strongly.

‘For now.’

He might have overlooked it, had you not said it in that teasing and lilting tone of yours and concluded it with that little brush of your lips. 

So, he decided to test out this new theory of his, and the next time he felt the urge to pleasure himself, he made sure you would be fully aware of it.

He’d done it simply by taking a shower at the right time and leaving the bathroom door slightly ajar, and when he heard you enter the bedroom, he hadn’t bothered to try and contain the sounds of his pleasure or stop your name from rolling off his tongue. Knowing that you had been fully aware of what he was in the midst of doing, that you were just on the other side of the door, had heightened the intensity of his orgasm when he finally found release, enough so that he’d had to take a seat on the bench in the shower to catch his breath before drying off and emerging.

You’d taken a seat in front of the tv on the other side of the large room, watching some kind of documentary, but he’d been able to tell right off the bat that you hadn’t been paying a lick of attention to it. You’d kept stealing so many sidelong glances at him that it was almost comical, and when he flashed you a knowing smirk before climbing in bed that night, he knew without a doubt that you’d understood he’d done it on purpose.

Two days later, you’d done it again as well, letting him hear every little sound that escaped your mouth while you fucked yourself with your own fingers this time, and while he never once heard his name fall from your lips, he was confident this time that it was him that you were imagining, him, and no one else.

The two of you had been at it ever since, and over time, some unspoken rules had developed between you both, especially since it had escalated and moved from the bathroom to the bedroom where you both laid side by side.

For starters, while this was something that the two of you both participated in, it was never spoken about, either during or afterwards. Neither of you sought pleasure at the same time or on the same night, and though both of you knew that the other was always listening intently and sometimes even watching, it was always done under the guise of pretending to be asleep.

“So, what made this time so difficult?” Hari asked him casually, pulling him from his introspection on these events of the past.

It seemed to be a running theme for him today.

Kai gritted his teeth as a wave of arousal washed over him. “She let my name slip again.”

Last night had been your turn, and when he’d cracked his eyes open just bit to see your fingers pinching one perfect nipple and your hips rising off the bed with the force of your orgasm, he’d nearly broken one of those unspoken rules when you’d breathlessly whisper-moaned his name. It wasn’t the first time you’d done it, but even still, it hit him just as hard whenever it did slip out.

Sometimes, whenever he let himself dwell on the thought of it for too long, he felt like it might just drive him mad.

For fear of ruining what little trust and progress you had gained with him these last five years, he could never bring himself to ask why you couldn’t simply admit that you wanted to resume sharing his bed with him in every way that counted. Not just to sleep and rest in, nor as a ruse for the sake of allowing the children to believe they still had two parents who loved one another. You knew from experience that he could bring you more pleasure in bed than you ever could hope to achieve on your own, and you obviously still wanted him, if not emotionally, then physically at the very least, and he often wondered what would happen if he were to break down and ask you about it. But every time he started to open his mouth to do so, all those ghosts of the past would creep up his spine and remind him of all the horrible ways such a thing could backfire on him and the ramifications that would follow.

As Kai continued to silently stew in his own bitter musings, Hari couldn’t help but let his own thoughts wander in the same direction.

His own relationship with your sister was at a similar standstill, but for all the opposite reasons.

After that first night, when she came to him, drunk and seeking a way to help her forget about the temporary death she and the doctor had miraculously managed to pull you back from after the horrific birth of Kazue, it hadn’t stopped after that. It was like the dam that was her iron resolve had permanently cracked after that and she couldn’t bring herself to stay away from him any longer. And even though it was mindbogglingly amazing, the best sex he had ever had in all honesty, it just so happened to be the thing tearing him apart inside, because that’s all it was.

Just sex.

She came to him for it whenever Rappa wasn’t around, and sometimes even when he was and she just wanted a change of pace. But she never stayed for very long afterwards, not unless she was interested in going at it again for multiple rounds. Beyond that first night, she never slept in his bed, nor did she allow him to sleep in hers. Once in a while she would stick around and chat with him while she got her bearings back or while she took her time getting redressed, but she never stayed for too much longer than that

There were so many times he felt that he should just give up and accept that he’d never have her the way he truly wanted, but whenever she came to him, he couldn’t bring himself to ever turn her down. He kept holding onto the hope that she’d one day see what they could have together if only she’d give him a chance and open up more than just her body to him. He could give her so much more than Rappa ever could, and she knew that, but still she refused to give him the opportunity to prove it to her.

Hari never once tried to talk to Kai about this though, as the other man had more than enough stress and worry of his own to deal with. Not to mention, he felt like talking to him about the frequency of his own sex life would probably do nothing but make his boss dwell even harder on the continued lack of it in his own relationship with you. He couldn’t imagine what it must be like for him to share a bed with you every night, listening to you pleasure yourself so often right beside him, and not give into the temptation of touching you. He might not fully understand why Kai let this stalemate with you drag on for so long, but he couldn’t deny how much he admired the man’s level of restraint and determination to see his promise to you fulfilled.

Neither of them spoke much after that, and their once companionable silence soon morphed into morose brooding as each of them continued to dwell on the issues surrounding the women in their lives.

For those of you who aren’t aware, I set up a poll a few days ago asking whether or not I should split this finale into two parts, and while it was a close match, the majority said they wanted it split, so that’s what this is.

I apologize that this entire chapter was Kai-centric, I know a lot of people prefer to read entirely from the Reader’s POV, but I felt that an entire chapter/part from Kai’s perspective was necessary to get across the changes he’s gone through during the time-skip. 

We’ll be getting back to the Reader in the next chapter though and you’ll all get to see how she’s been fairing, rather than hearing about it secondhand from Kai. So I’m hoping to have Part 2 finished and posted in a couple of weeks, so please be on the lookout! 🥰

I hope you all enjoy this and please don’t hesitate to let me know what you think! Thank you for all the support!

And as always, I want to give a BIG thank you to my amazing friend @talpup for all the brainstorming and encouragement on these stories! I’m  sure I would have given up on this blog a while ago if it wasn’t for all of  their help. I highly encourage anyone who takes the time to read this to  go over to their page or their AO3 account under the sam name and  check out their works, especially Chaos and Lost Song. They are   two of my favorite BNHA fics of ALL TIME! And who has also started their own Yandere!Overhaul fic called Crossroads and is set in a 1920′s prohibition style era, it’s amazing and you need to check it out!

[fayeandknight]

Personal post in which I am processing old trauma.

It's weird how you can clearly recall an experience but have no emotional response/true comprehension of it until many years later.

My relationship with my ex fiance happened during my first three years of college, if you don't count the stalking and harassment that went on for several years after. I'm in my 30s now, that was a long time ago.

It took me a few years after breaking up for the last time to realize that the relationship wasn't just "really shitty" but had in fact been extremely abusive. To this day when I think of him I think of screaming and crying, breaking glass, blood, absolute terror, and the inability to breathe.

Over the years I've been processing the truth of things he'd normalized/minimized/gaslit me on and trying to give myself grace for the long term effects it's had on me. And for a while I thought I'd acknowledged all of it. But recently (last year or two) it's hit me like a sack of bricks that he tried to murder me. I don't mean going too far in a fit of anger, I mean he planned out and followed through on a deliberate plan to kill me that I survived by sheer luck.

That day has always been a cold, stop motion memory since it happened. I can recall it in a series of snapshots, each clean and neat and utterly detached from each other.

He tells me we'll have the house to ourselves.

He's drawn me a bath in the big Jacuzzi tub with rose petals in the water.

I undress and get in.

He is sitting on the side of the bathtub.

He is cupping my face for a kiss and whispers something about Ophelia.

My head is underwater.

I am flailing and grabbing at his hands, the side of the bathtub. Water is going everywhere but I can't get out from underneath his hands.

I can't breathe. My lungs are burning. I am beyond terrified. This is the inevitable end. This is how I die.

His hands are off me and I am able to get my head above water.

He is taking keys off the counter and handing them through the cracked open door.

I am soaking wet and holding my clothes against me in a bundle that mostly covers me.

I shove past the person on the other side of the door and run barefoot back to my dorm.

He gaslit me hard about this that it never happened. I didn't even get a chance to bring it up. He just showed up the next day to take me on a date (which he very rarely did) and complained about how outside of sex we never had one on one time because there were always people in the house. I was still in shock I think and don't really remember what happened in between my running out of his house and him showing up at my dorm apartment. I do remember being in the living room of his house after the date and having a very public fight that he pulled out of nowhere.

For a long time that memory has been something I shied away from even thinking about. It was a cold spot in my brain that gave me mental frost bite.

And then when I did acknowledge it, it was framed as 'I almost died' in my mind. But the more I think about it, the more clear that this was a planned murder becomes.

We were in college and he lived in a busy frat house/known party house with four other guys. He either dedicated significant time to tracking people's coming and going to find a long enough window of time to drown me and dispose of my body. Not a small feat considering the near constant foot traffic in the house. Or he engineered having that house be empty.

The tub, which wasn't normally used due to being disgustingly dirty, had been spotlessly cleaned.

He never got undressed or into the tub with me. He was wearing a short sleeved shirt with shorts and angled his legs away from the tub.

He referenced Ophelia, who dies via drowning. I was a theatre major at the time.

He very much intended to murder me by downing me in that bathtub.

The only reason I survived is because someone forgot their keys on the bathroom counter and had to come back for them. That's it.

It's so wild to me how long it's taken my brain to feel, I don't know safe??? enough, to really put the severity and full implications together. I didn't repress the memory, just avoided it. And I'm not even shocked that he tried to kill me, more that he tried to murder me - though I'm not sure how much sense that distinction would make to anyone else.

Seeing romantic gestures between couples makes me feel cold and frightened and grief stricken. And for a long time I attributed that to my most significant/serious relationship being an epic shit show and a half. But I'm starting to realize that it's also because one of the few romantic gestures I've received was actually part of the plan to murder me. So I'm trying to be gentle with myself when I experience those feelings.

I'm not some bitter shrew who hates seeing happy couples. I am experiencing the fallout feelings of an extremely traumatic and very nearly fatal event.

Anyway I'm not really expecting for anyone to have read this whole mess. But if you did, here's a picture of Forte snuggling me from this morning as thanks for sitting with me for a bit.

[sm-baby]

HAHAHAhah *starts sobbing*

TW: Workplace Abuse, Implied Domestic Abuse

Word Count: 1,849 words 10,151 characters

Silvia, I'm so sawry... Silvia I'm so sawryy🥺!! uwa-😭 *solemnly caresses a picture of her inside a pendant* SILVIA- 😭😭

____________________

My god.

She didn't think it would happen.

      Silvia Blanca became a white servant fully knowing its repercussions. The people weren't too nice to their workers but they fully stayed because they would have a comfortable wage to go home to. Silvia understood that certain accidents may happen in the workplace. But she brushed it off for the pay, thinking to herself that she will simply not make a fuss, not be difficult. After all, she had been working for quite a few years now with a lot of experience. 

     if only she had paid attention to the red flags a little more... 

The living room was deathly quiet. Three maids stared in horror at the sight that took place in front of them. They all tried to look formal and submissive but ended up looking stiff and flinched at the man in the room. 

     The Sir had his hand up, almost hurting from the strike he left on another one of the fourth maid's cheek. She had almost stumbled back, into the pieces of the shattered vase that she had broken. 

     Her head was turned completely from him because of it, and she had been left frozen since. The bruise was starting to form as it burned her nerves… it stung yet felt numb at the same time… She didn't know how to react… or if she could react.

     " Look at me." The loud voice of the angry man said.

     Silvia, the maid, turned her head back at the man, hands politely behind her, and head hung low. 

      " LOOK AT ME." He grabbed her arm, aggressive enough to break her stance and shove her down. 

     Silvia gasped as he forcefully grabbed her scalp to turn her head up

     " This thing that you just broke costs more than your life. " The man pointed at the broken vase on the floor. 

     Silvia's eyes were more than fixated on it as he wanted her to be. But all she saw was an array of mistakes and danger, not a vase. Her instincts were there but all she could do was freeze for the moment…

     " This will be taken out of your paychecks, you hear me? " 

     Tears started forming in the corner of her eyes.

    " You're not deaf, I SAID, DO YOU HEAR ME? "

     Silvia nodded most desperately, closing her eyes shut, sitting in agony and fear about the situation. The man growled and shoved her back, throwing her completely out of balance.  

     Before she could even compose herself, the head of the residence turned to the other maids and told them to clean up the broken pieces. And they did with much shiver, while the fourth maid still stood in shock behind them. They hadn't dared to turn to her until the sir was completely out of the room.

     " You're lucky my son is in charge of you. If it were my way you'd be blacklisted." He said as he marched out of sight. 

And as soon as he was out of earshot, Silvia had started to sob quietly in place, face wet with violated tears. Her cheek swelled up more and more. 

     Near the end of clean up, they turned to her to rub circles around her back, themselves upset for her and the financial consequences of the situation. 

      "I told you we shouldn’t have told him!" 

     They whispered to each other.

      "He asked us! What were we supposed to do??"

     "Uhm? Lie?? Tell him that, no sir, it was broken when we found it…!"

     They whispered and apologized to the sobbing witch in front of them. The thing is… Silvia couldn't blame the sir for being mad at her. Breaking a vase is one thing, but trying to hide it? Maybe she did deserve that reaction. After all, she wasn't an angel either. 

The next day, she was left to do errands for the junior of the household. 

     The Mister, 160 years old, decades older than Silvia, and the only son of the residence. He was the one in charge of paying and hiring the servants in the household. She caught him in the middle of doing busy work in his office; what with his messy long hair and reading glasses, barely even that neatly dressed. 

     "Mister, Your father would like to inform you that-"

     "Don't tell me." The Richman interrupted. "I don't need to hear it. "

The Mister heard all about what happened the day before. What the maid had broken was a family heirloom from his father’s side of the family. He didn’t think his father cared for it much, but that afternoon he noticed his father was more than irritable. The mister retreated into his office for the rest of the night until he felt safe again.

     "Lucky for you, my family doesn't need the money.”  He wrote a quick check on his desk, “I'll be paying for the damages."

      He seemed dismissive of her. He hadn't even made an effort to make eye contact… didn't bother to react to her presence. The businessman just looked tired and didn't seem to have much sleep. 

     "And, " he finished writing the check and stretching his arm out to hand it to her. "An extra."

     "Wh… what for? "

     The first time he made eye contact with her, all she saw was a face, serious and tired as ever, bags covering his eyes. "...To keep your mouth shut about what happened here. "

     …

     Silvia, though hesitated, took the money in her hands, and nodded. 

"What did I tell you? My husband has quite the temper. " Another noble in the household, the wife and mother, hair long and white like her son's. She was sitting in her bedroom in front of a vanity doing her makeup before leaving for the day, fluffing powder on her cheek, her pink pearly necklace hung by her neck. 

     Silvia stood idly by, holding the leash of her lady's resting sheep on the bedroom floor. 

      "Your husband hit me."

     "Hm." The lady scoffed and looked at the reflection of the maid in the mirror." You should not have broken that vase then." 

     Silvia's grip on the leash got tighter.

     "Honestly, how hard is it not to touch it when cleaning?" The lady put a hand on her head, almost disappointed or annoyed, before returning to her makeup. "You know how men are. Had it been for the fact that you were a maid, he would have done much worse. " 

     The maid bit her tongue, a skill she learned after years of doing this service, and with her argumentative and competitive spirit, it wasn't too easy for her. She was tired and upset, she felt like a child being scolded by these people when she was a mature young woman. Despite Silvia's passion for her career, there are times when she wished she could just lie down and not hear from anyone for a while.

     The Lady was preparing to spend the day outside, away from the household, accompanied by her sheep and a servant beside her. When it came time to leave, however, The lady excused Silvia and brought a different servant with her.  The bruise on the maid's cheek was more than visible, it wasn't exactly an attractive trait to have if other nobles came across her. She could only imagine the whispers of gossip! 

Silvia spent a few days being a hidden servant when visitors came around the mansion. She would do her work but would stay in the servants’ hall until they left.

     During their meals, the maids and manservants would turn to her asking what happened. Word spreads fast in the mansion, but there are some clarifications they’d like to ask. She answered all of them and brushed off the situation, some servants were supportive of her while some minded their own business… using her as an example for their future endeavors. 

     After a while, they were taught to move on, and some objectified her as “The poor maid who was assaulted.”

     She hated that reputation. 

     She hated that she was known as that among her peers. She was more than that and she knew it! She was ambitious, strong, and resourceful, and that's not how she wanted to be remembered!

Like she said to the son of the family, she chose to keep her mouth shut about the incident. She took the money which-- she didn’t quite need, but it was an incredibly handsome amount. There was a part of her that felt bad for taking part in the white coven’s antics, but that's just how it is.

     Admittedly, she wasn’t eager to spread the news about it either. For the sake of her reputation and future work. Ever since she left she hadn’t heard of the incident again. It wasn’t the last time she was violated in a workplace environment, each time someone laid a hand on her it ached that she had to keep it to herself. 

     She grew a resentment for the nobles in the white gates. For new hirees, he’d be seen as a cold and strict housekeeper who would punish you for the smallest imperfections, but ask any maid and she will tell you about a woman who cares. A woman that-- once she was put in a higher position where she can afford to make mistakes-- took the blame for those who made their own.

Silvia opened her eyes and found herself, 30 years later,  in the queen’s castle. The servants’ hall was where the Maids and Manservants celebrated after serving a successful party for the nobles. 

     Silvia had a glass of wine between her fingers. She could hear all the people she worked with letting loose, taking off their bows and heels for the day, slouching, and letting themselves be tired. She turned to her right and saw all of the wine the queen gifted them that day, she turned to her left and saw the… people… have a toast.

     Slowly, she felt her shoulders unstiffen, and her jaw unclench…

     That’s right… she wasn’t where she was all those years ago anymore… 

     Servanthood was infinitely less stressful in the castle than it was down at the coven. That’s why so many aim to be her highnesses’ servant. It’s why the castle is often compared to heaven… Her majesty, though distant with her workers, was a little more patient with them and treated them like her children than animals. The workers themselves found a sort of support system and a family within the castle.

     Silvia slightly flinched when a maid tapped her shoulder but calmed down at the smiling look on their faces. The maids looked eager to share with her the wine they found and the gossip they heard from the attendees of the party. Silvia smiled and joined them…

     So many sacrifices for a moment like this. Although there were so many days left to come, she can’t help but think to herself that she made it… 

     God… She was a happier and more fulfilled woman… 

     She made it…

[brittaperryiscoolyourejustmean]

The weird guys face that is being added to Instagram reels is a Russian/Belrusian streamer who assaulted a woman. The accounts appear to be bot accounts trying to get his “career” restarted.

[drelizabethgreene]

Posted my first Madney fic (with some Maddie and Buck dynamic) for @badthingshappenbingo!

Prompt used: journal/diary entry

TW: implied domestic violence, mention of stabbing

[ofmermaidstories]

Deku thoughts if you're still open to them but I think he needs to know everything about you. Better yet, he NEEDS you to come running to him to tell him all about your woes.

If one day, for one reason or another, you feel like like you need to process your emotions on your own he's going to have a melt down.

In a super busy time for heroes maybe you see him come home everyday day with a beaten body and a wobbly smile so you decide to tend to him for once, so you shut up about your shitty day at work. The morning after he sees you frown at your phone (work email) and when you tell him it's nothing important and he just... breaks down crying. "Why? Why wouldn't you tell me?" "I can take care of it for you! Oh god, did I make you feel otherwise?????!"

It goes back to your point of him being so selfless he becomes selfish. He can't always be the best hero outside, so he at least needs to be the best hero for his partner/loved ones. He isn't a complete failure if you still treat him as your hero and trust him with all of you.

This is very yan adjacent sorry !

I love talking about/hearing Deku thoughts bc I find it so, so funny that so many of us are in agreement about how Unwell he is LMAOOO. Because he WOULD!! Omg he WOULD. And idk about you Anon but when im mad/processing my feelings one of two things needs to happen: I either need to be allowed to talk about it or I need to shut down, and be left alone LMAO. So imagining a persistent, worried Pro Hero Boyfriend up in my SPACE is infuriating LMAOOO I love it. 🥹💕

And the keeping-something-to-yourself thing?? 😩 can you imagine having a rough time of work and then having to reassure him? I’m sorry but I would be walking LOL, goodbye! I can’t do that for you!! He would either have to get a crash course in Normal Human Behaviour or go date another Pro Hero or something bc stuff that!!!!

(Of course I don’t think you’d really be allowed to leave him… if your own guilt didn’t kick in then I think you’d be surrounded by a lot of very persuasive peer pressure. 🤨 “he’s just like that” “he’s a good man” “he does it because he cares about you” mmmhmmm. 🤨)

[weakling-grace]

Jeryd Mencken character ai

He cheats, i forgive. I cheat, i get hit