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#trust me no one tells me it as much as i do myself
perfectlyoongi · 1 day
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A CONFIRMATION - Yoongi, wc: 1.020, u know the drill -just trust me.
The rain was heavy, loud, noisy, attacking the windows with the fury of anguish that lingered in the grey, thick, resentful clouds of that night. The wind was pressing, setting in the streets and neighborhoods of the city, devouring all the life it saw, envious of its simplicity and eternity.
But the real storm had originated in your house, in your room, mere words ago.
“You always knew that, didn’t you?”
Your eyes burned with the pain of betrayal, red with the aggression of hurt, tearful with the intensity of agony.
“It has always been my knowledge, yes.”
Always.
Your started to walk around your room, trying to release some of your anger in the hurried steps you took, painting tumultuous paths between your bed and the door over and over and over again.
“And didn’t you think it was better to tell me that before we went this far? Before I gave myself completely to you?”
You spoke to yourself, letting all your frustrations escape your lips. It was a song of despair, a symphony of regret running away from you with every step, every word, every tear trapped in your eyes.
How could’ve you been so dumb?
You knew it was a mistake. Your whole story – a mistake. From the moment you allowed yourself to fall in love with Yoongi to the moment you let yourself be carried away by his hollow, empty, manipulative words that involved you in a relationship too perfect, too beautiful, too good to be true – or sincere.
How could’ve you been so naïve?
How did you allow yourself to be carried away by promises addressed to the stars, how did you allow yourself to fall into confessions declared to the skies? Nothing he said, nothing he confessed to you, was directed at you. All the words he said to you were never really meant for you – they were always given to the possibility of the universe, offered to the infinity of time and space, never lingering in the moment, in you.
“Tell you… what?”
You stopped walking and looked at Yoongi, his eyes closed in pure confusion, his speech too light to be a tease or a lie.
“What do you mean what?” you huffed and sat on the bed, tired, hurt, broken. How your head hurt at that moment. “I asked you if you liked me, if you loved me.”
“Yes.”
Yoongi was still confused, an almost comical expression on his face as he tried to follow your reasoning, all is intellect practically nil when it came to you, to your relationship.
“You said no.”
“Oh!” Yoongi sat beside you when your explanation lightened a little the darkness in which you had left him. “I don’t love you because I believe that’s not enough.”
You looked at him in the middle of the storm, the rain slackening in line with Yoongi’s words, the wind momentarily withdrawing so that the following words could be heard clearly and without any hitch. That moment belonged to Yoongi, and the universe, devoted to your love, complicit in your passion, was ready to praise the true feelings that were in his soul, in his heart.
“Love ends up dying one day. A lie, a betrayal, or simply because it ceased to exist. Love is ephemeral. And what I feel for you, what we have, I know will transcend our time and the entire universe.”
“That doesn’t justify your reaction, why you were so rude when you know what it means to me.”
You never forced him to use the three words that flowed so freely from your lips whenever you saw him. You never forced him to be uncomfortable around you for your sake. But all you asked, all you wanted, was a confirmation of a question. A simple ‘yes’. And he attacked you with the cruelty of his thoughts, with the intellectuality of his feelings.
“I want to give you everything. I want to do everything for you. But I can’t give you what you ask, I don’t know how to give it to you. For now.”
For now. But already a little late.
Tears finally began to flow as the rain finally stopped. Looking at Yoongi, seeing how naturally he handled that argument, it was too much for your already broken heart.
There was a long pause.
“But I want you to understand what goes on inside me. I want you to know what I really feel. It’s not love, because I don’t believe in the existence of something so small and strong. It’s something big, that contains multitudes and that doesn’t fit in me. It’s something that forces me to confess to the stars, to promise the sky a continuation in the next life because this one is too small to love you completely, to love you as you should be loved. I am devoted to you, completely surrendered to you and your existence, bewitched by your soul.”
Yoongi had held your face in the middle of his speech, forcing you to look into his eyes, into his soul, and realize that only truth was uttered by him.
His thumbs wiped away your tears, smoothing your cheeks with the care of someone who really cares, someone who really loves.
“But if you prefer, I’ll say it. With all the letters and syllables, in as many languages as you want.”
But you shook your head and, in a last effort at comfort, you let your head hide in Yoongi’s chest, allowing him to envelop you in a tight embrace, feeling the pieces of your heart come together again with each caress given by Yoongi.
And, in the warmth of each other’s arms, you and Yoongi shared the rest of the night in the silence of your room and in the calm that came after the storm outside, letting the sounds of the city lull you into a necessary sleep, letting the love between you covered yourselves in that small space, with the assurance that your feelings had been heard, understood, accepted. After all, there were many ways to say you loved someone.
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girlwithrituals · 21 hours
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101 ways to improve self esteem
1) Master a new skill.
2) List your accomplishments.
3) Do something creative.
4) Challenge your limiting beliefs.
5) Talk to a counselor.
6) Don't worry about what others think.
7) Read or watch something inspirational.
8) Stay true to your character.
9) Let go of negative people.
10) Set healthy boundaries with others.
11) Care about your appearance.
12) Welcome failure as part of growth.
13) Be a lifelong learner.
14) Face your fears.
15) Become a mentor.
16) Accept compliments.
17) Eliminate self-criticism.
18) Practice coping skills to manage stress and big emotions.
19) Notice negative thoughts and beliefs.
20) Challenge negative thinking.
21) Think about what you learned from negative experiences.
22) Practice gratitude.
23) Exercise.
24) Eat healthy and limit junk food.
25) Get good sleep.
26) Spend time with positive and supportive people.
27) Encourage yourself.
28) Write a list of your strengths.
29) Don't compare yourself to others.
30) Avoid perfectionism.
31) Do at least one positive, enjoyable activity every day.
32) Celebrate small victories.
33) Be helpful and considerate to others.
34) Be honest with yourself and others.
35) Accept your flaws.
36) Don't give up.
37) Practice self-care.
38) Go easy on yourself.
39) Practice being assertive.
40) Practice saying "No".
41) Practice relaxation techniques.
42) Take on challenges.
43) Volunteer to help others.
44) Forgive others and yourself.
45) Set goals and work toward them step by step.
46) Seek balance in all areas of your life.
47) Discover your passions and purpose
48) Groom yourself.
49) Dress nicely.
50) Be kind and generous to others.
51) Practice good posture.
52) Change a small habit.
53) Smile.
54) Don't procrastinate.
55) Don't take things personal.
56) Organize your personal space.
57) Challenge unkind thoughts about yourself.
58) Spend time outside.
59) Notice the good things.
60) Celebrate your successes
61) Write a list of things you like about yourself.
62) Don't take too much on.
63) Do something for yourself every day.
64) Develop daily habits.
65) Remind yourself it's okay if not everyone likes you.
66) Practice mindfulness.
67) Learn to tolerate discomfort.
68) Use problem-solving skills.
69) Take responsibility instead of blaming.
Tell Yourself Positive Affirmations Such As:
70) I am grateful for every day.
71) I am worthy of happiness and love.
72) I am in charge of my own happiness.
73) I love, respect, and believe in myself.
74) I deserve to be happy and successful.
75) I approve of myself, right here and now.
76) I am learning and changing for the better.
77) I accept 100% responsibility for my own life.
78) Every day in every way, I am getting better and better.
79) I can learn to accept the parts of myself that I don't like.
80) I am thankful for my challenges as they make me a stronger person.
81) Write down three positives about each day.
82) Make a collage with your talents, goals, and dreams.
83) Practice laughing.
84) Be proud of yourself.
85) Say mistakes are an opportunity to learn.
86) Show respect to yourself and others.
87) Resolve conflict peacefully.
88) Ask for help or support.
89) Complete a daily task list.
90) Have a growth mindset.
91) Be optimistic.
92) Treat yourself with kindness and compassion.
93) Focus on the things you have control over and can change.
94) Get started on tasks you have been putting off.
95) Practice good daily hygiene.
96) Focus on solutions not problems.
97) Talk about your feelings with someone you trust.
98) Drink plenty of water.
99) Start a new hobby or join a club/sport.
100) Do random acts of kindness.
101) Create a dreams list.
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bimbo-baggins17 · 14 hours
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KINKTOBER REQUEST!
hear me out:
incest, boot worship, and rape (I forget the numbers oops) with Kurt Matheson.
the idea in my head was that you're his sister or daughter. because of his untreated issues and very sensitive mental state, you visit him often to check on him. you end up staying over one night, nd during that night, it became unsafe to go outside, so you're stuck with him until further notice.
he confides in you about how long it's been since he's had a woman around him, and you get weirded out and ask him to stop, which bums him out.
in the middle of the night, he comes onto you, babbling about how desperate he is and how pretty you are and how much he needs you. ofc, he's a vet and works out, so he's much stronger and can easily overpower you. you wake up out of your sleep screaming and crying, and he ends up raping you.
finally feeling some sort of control, he tells you to worship him - his body, his voice, his very being - and he starts with shoving you down onto your hands and knees, one booted foot heavy on your spine while you're forced to lick at his other boot, cleaning away the dirt and grime.
I KNOW I JUST WROTE THE WHOLE DAMN THING OUT, BUT IF ANYONE CAN WRITE THIS, IT'S YOU!
I’M POSTING THIS ONE EARLY BECAUSE I CANT KEEP IT TO MYSELF ANYMORE
I know I already told you in our messages how much I loved this but OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. YOUR BRAIN IS BEAUTIFUL BNUUY. Hands down my favorite request like EVER. I went with it being his daughter. Definitely more of a fic than a drabble. Oopsies.
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TW: DDDNE!!! Rape and incest!!! Don’t like, don’t read.
One of the only times Kurt would make an exception to answering the door is when he knew you were expected. Every other week, like clockwork, you’d come with some groceries and necessities for your mentally unstable father.
“Hurry. Come in, come in.” His voice is gruff as he quickly ushers you in out of the storm before locking the door once you’re barely past the threshold.
You take a moment to look around his dimly lit space, discarded food cans litter the floor. You sigh as you set the bags of groceries down before stooping to try tidy clean some of it up. Kurt turns to come over to you, his eyes drifting to your ass as you do.
“You know, if you kept your space clean, it would probably help you a bit mentally.” You say with your back still to him. Honestly it probably wouldn’t do much to his fragile mental state but you still tried.
“You worry too much.” He says dismissively coming up beside you.
With a sigh, you straighten up and look at him, “Maybe you don’t worry enough.”
He huffs out a laugh, “You sound just like your mother. Trust me. I worry plenty.”
You shake your head but drop it instead, not wanting to argue. It was draining with him and you were always walking on egg shells. You opt for putting away the items you brought. “I’ll get these put away and then I’ll head out. I can’t stay long this time, sorry dad.”
He exhales and rubs a hand over his stubble. “Can’t give your old man a couple more minutes?”
“Sorry, not tonight. But I’ll be back next week with your med refills.”
He waves a hand at that, “Don’t. Theyre useless anyways.”
You stop and look up at him. “Are you implying you aren’t taking them anymore?”
Kurt looks away, shaking his head. “They don’t work anyways.”
“They can’t work if you don’t take them consistently. We’ve been over this.”
“Yeah you really sound like your mother now.”
You give him a look, unamused by him. “I only say that because I care.”
The lights flicker and both of you look over to the window seeing the storm has gotten significantly worse in the short amount time you’ve been here.
Your dad looks back to you again, “I don’t think I’m comfortable with you out in the weather like this.”
And that’s how you get roped into staying the night at your dad’s. You knew he worried. God he worried about everything. What led to your parents’ divorce was that exact reason. His PTSD got worse and worse until he was unable to leave the house for fear of the end of the world.
Both of you sit on the floor with a lantern between the two of you, barely giving off enough light. The sound of the storm outside drowns out the scraping of utensils in the cans you were eating from.
“How’s school been? I feel so out of the loop anymore.” Kurt speaks up, trying to make conversation.
You shrug lazily, “Alright I guess. You’d be in the loop more if you had a cellphone like a normal person.”
He scoffs and rolls his eyes. “I’ll ignore that comment,” He mumbles. His eyes move slowly over you again. He’d be lying if he didn’t think you were beautiful, the way your curves filled out more over time, the way your breasts seemed to nearly double in size over the last year. His chewing halts for a second as he feels a familiar twitch in his pants, one he hadn’t felt in so long. “You got a boyfriend?” He questions after a moment.
You stop and look up at him, shaking your head, “No.”
Slowly he nods his head. “You should. You’re beautiful.”
You shift a little where you sit, uncomfortable with the compliment. Sure it was normal for a dad to compliment his daughter but not your dad. “Um. Thanks.”
“I mean it. You’re looking more and more like your mom did in her prime.”
You look up at him again, “Uh..yeah I guess so.”
“Filling out like her too. Getting her curves.” He continues on. He probably should stop but it’s been so long and yeah it’s probably wrong but he’s so starved for pussy, he’ll take whatever he can. It’d be a waste of a perfect opportunity if he didn’t try.
“Dad?” You question with your eyebrows furrow together tightly.
He sighs and hangs his head. “Sorry. It’s just,” Kurt sighs once more and shifts a little closer to you placing a calloused hand on your leg. “It’s been so long since I’ve been with a woman and I-“
“Oh my god, dad. Gross! Stop it!” You shove his hand off of you and quickly put some distance back between you too.
Kurt’s hand clenches into a fist as he brings it back to his lap. “Right. Yeah. Sorry.” He tries to suppress the disappointment in his voice.
“I’m going to bed, I just..ugh.” You were unnerved to say the least. You get up off the floor, leaving the half eaten can of food on the ground.
“You-uh..you can take my cot.” He calls after you before he’s mentally beating himself up again. This was going to be a long night.
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Kurt tosses and turns for what feels like hours on the floor, his cock so painfully hard. He sits up a little to look at you on his cot. You looked so peaceful while sleeping, watching the steady rise and fall of your chest with each breath. It was pure torture to have a woman so close but not being able to do anything about it. Any rational part of his brain was gone years ago so his conscience wasn’t telling him to stop as he got up off the floor, slowly making his way over to your sleeping form.
He reaches down and brushes some hair off your face, “So beautiful,” He murmurs, letting his hand move off your face, slowly tracing down your neck over the pulse point, then your collarbone before he’s allowing himself to squeeze your supple breast. He bites down on his lip to keep from making any noise noticing you weren’t wearing a bra to sleep. His cock throbs.
Kurt palms himself to try and cause any kind of relief this way as he continues to knead your breast, feeling the pebbled nipple poking his palm. He lets out a shuddered exhale. His eyes trail down further seeing the hem of your shirt bunched up a little. A peek wouldn’t hurt right? Not like you’d know. Slowly he inches the shirt up until he’s able to see at least one of your breasts. Leaning down slowly, he presses an open mouthed kiss to it.
You stir a little in your sleep but don’t wake up. He freezes for a second to make sure you stay asleep before he envelopes your nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it.
“Fuck,” He murmurs, releasing it. Making a bolder choice, he lets his hand continue its decent to the waistband of your pants before he’s slipping it in, finding your cunt with his fingers. He draws in a shaky breath feeling how you were wet. “What’re you dreaming about babygirl?” He whispers into the dark.
Against anyone else’s better judgment, he eases your pants and panties down, revealing your core to him. He hesitates for a second looking at it, imagining how tight it would feel wrapped around his shaft.
“I’m so sorry baby. Just been so long..and..and it hurts. You know I love you. You’re my beautiful little girl. I know you’d forgive your dear old dad for this.” He rambles quietly before he’s easing onto the bed between your legs as he bends them. Quickly he fishes his leaking cock out, running it through your folds.
Time isn’t a luxury he has right now. As much as he’d love to savor this, he can’t so he pushes into you, keeping his eyes on your face to make sure you aren’t waking up. Slowly he starts to rock into you, biting back moans that threaten to spill out.
“Oh sweet girl..so good to me.” He pants out, rocking his hips into you faster as he chases his much needed release. The caution he had at first is quickly abandoned as his thrusts grow harsher.
You’re stirred from your slumber feeling something that you most definitely shouldn’t be. Hazily you try to make sense of what’s going on as you come to your senses. Quickly you put together that your father is on top of you fucking into you. “Wha-? S-stop! Stop!”
Kurt’s eyes fly open and land on your face seeing you’re now awake. “Shh..it’s okay baby. I know. I know. Just couldn’t help myself-“
You claw at him to try and get him off, shoving at him but he doesn’t budge. “Dad! Please stop!!” You cry.
“No. No. Just-..nghh..be good for your dad.” He grits out.
You continue to squirm and try to fight which only serves to irritate him. He can’t have that. The years of working out and military training served well and he’s able to easily over power you, pinning you down tightly against the cot. “I said, be good.” He continue to pound into your poor pussy, taking what he wants and not caring about your protests.
“Stop! Please!” You keep repeating the words through far tears that roll down your cheeks.
“Don’t cry baby. You’re helping out your dad.” It’s his attempt to console you. As if reminding you it was your father who was fucking you would somehow make it better.
Your protests soon die off, continuing to cry and sniffle under him.
“Good girl. Such a good girl.” He coos before he’s cumming into you. He leans down to press a wet kiss to your chest. “Now tell daddy thank you.”
Quickly you shake your head. The worst was over, so you assumed. You’d leave after he got off of you. “What? No. You’re sick. Sicker than I thought.” You sniffle.
Kurt leans back, a scowl on his face. “Ungrateful brat.” He spits the words out.
Your eyes widen. You’d upset him, that much was clear. You shake your head again, taking back what you said for the sake of not having him rape you again. “No. No wait. I’m sorry..I’m sorry I didn’t mean it.”
“Oh yeah? You’re sorry, hm?”
You nod your head. “Yeah. Yes, yes I’m sorry dad.” It made you sick to call him that now.
“Show me then. Worship me.”
You look up at him with wide eyes. “W-what?”
“I said, worship me. Make your dad happy.”
You don’t even know where to begin, how to lie that well. Kurt is unhappy with how long you take. Slipping out of you, he quickly yanks you up and shoves you onto your stomach on the floor before you can process what’s happening, his one booted foot shoved directly into the center of your back while the other one rested by your head on the floor.
“Lick it.” He instructs.
“What? Lick what?”
He huffs in frustration, “My boot. Lick it. Show your dad how much you love him.”
You start to protest despite your compromised position, but Kurt presses his boot more firmly into your back. “Lick. It.”
You shakily raise your head and stick your tongue out, giving a little kitten lick to the toe of it.
“More.” He encourages, adding more pressure. “Clean it with your damn tongue.”
You sniffle but oblige him, knowing you weren’t getting out of this without doing so. You run your tongue along the toe of his boot, moving to the front of it, dipping down to the sole of it.
“There we go. Much better.” He praises, “Now tell me you love me.”
You suck in a shaky breath, “I-love you dad.”
He hums happily, “Good. Now my voice.”
“I..love your voice.” You sniffle.
He releases a little of the pressure on your back, “My body.”
You fight the urge to recoil at the words he wants you to speak, “I-…I love your body.” You want to puke.
“Mm. There we go. You made your dad so happy, little girl.” He praises softly, “That wasn’t so bad, yeah?”
You shake your head for the sake of appeasing him, “N-no..it wasn’t.”
“Good,” He takes his boot off of your back but then places it down infront of your face. “Now lick this one.”
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mushroominaforest · 3 days
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Mushroom rambles!!!!!!! (vaguely vent-ish? idk man its 1:30am)
I'm sorry for all my venting and complaining as of late, I know it's probably annoying to some, and worrying to others. for me, Tumblr is the space where I can just chill and be myself, but also the one place where i can throw all my messy feelings out into the world, without being scared.
I have this habit of bottling stuff up, but i don't have to do that here. I'm not allowed to go to therapy, i used to vent in the notes app on my phone, and in journals, but i stopped (way back in like, grade 7 or 8 lol) when i found out that they were being read, along with all my text messages. I love my irl friends, but theres some stuff i just cant tell them. I talk to them a lot, and i trust them, but I'm still gonna tell them that i got that black eye from running into a pole lmao.
But on this account, only one person I know irl actually is aware that i have a tumblr. It's safe. If I'm discovered, I'm dead. but i think its worth it. cause i love it here! I have friends, ppl like my art, I have a place where i can be my authentic, weird, emotional self and im not gonna get in trouble for it.
So yeah, im sorry that i vent a lot i just feel safe here, and as much as i hate to admit it, you guys were right. Bottling up your feelings does suck lol
Anywaysssss my mental breakdown has turned into a weird happyish feeling but I think i might be going crazy instead of being genuinely happy. But who cares, i feel fine!!!!!
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elysiaheaven · 2 days
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𝐇𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐬-𝟏𝟏-(The Fox's wedding)
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You stood before Feixiao, who listened intently, her sharp eyes trained on you as you explained the situation. Jiaoqiu was beside you, his arms crossed, a deep frown etched into his face. Feixiao's expression was unreadable as you spoke.
"You need to heighten Hoolay's prison security," you told her calmly, though the weight of your words hung heavily in the air. "But, honestly, it might not even help. Hoolay's powerful—more than you all seem to realize."
Feixiao raised an eyebrow, her expression not changing much but clearly intrigued. "You think the Borisin monsters have more in store, don't you?"
You nodded, leaning forward slightly. "Exactly. Killing that man wasn't just because he was planning an attack. It's part of their larger plan. I wouldn't be surprised if the attack on Hoolay's prison is nothing more than a distraction—something to keep your eyes away from the real threat."
Feixiao's lips tightened into a thin line, her gaze turning cold and calculating. "What do you think they're trying to distract us from?"
You shrugged, giving a half-smile, though the tension in the room was thick. "Could be anything. But if I were them, I'd focus on something big—something that would shift the balance of power in their favor. Maybe freeing Hoolay is just the beginning. The Borisin monsters are clever, and they won't stop until they get what they want."
Feixiao stared at you for a long moment, and you could feel the weight of her consideration. Finally, she spoke, her voice as sharp as ever. "You killed the man before interrogating him. You didn't get any more information?"
You smirked, but it didn't reach your eyes. "He wasn't going to talk, and we didn't have time to play games. Besides, I knew enough to know he needed to be taken out."
Feixiao's eyes narrowed at that, but she didn't challenge you. Instead, she sighed and leaned back in her chair. "We'll increase security around Hoolay's prison. But I want you on alert. If this is just the beginning, we'll need to move fast to stop whatever's coming next."
You nodded, satisfied that she was taking your warning seriously. As you turned to leave, Jiaoqiu glanced at you, his expression unreadable. You couldn't tell if he was angry or simply resigned to the chaos you seemed to drag along with you.
You walked out of the room, Feixiao's voice called after you. "One more thing," she said, her voice cold. "If you're part of this plan, or if you're playing some kind of game, I'll find out. And you'll pay for it."
You smiled to yourself as you walked away. Let them think what they wanted.---- You knew the Borisin monsters better than they could ever hope to, and if anyone was going to stop them, it was you—whether they liked it or not.
You walked away from the tense conversation, you could feel Jiaoqiu and Feixiao's eyes on your back. The air was thick with suspicion, and you couldn't help but smirk at the weight of it all. You had done what you had to do, and whether they trusted you or not didn't matter. Not really. You had your own plans, and no one could stop you.
Inside the room, Feixiao leaned back in her chair, her sharp eyes narrowing as she spoke to Jiaoqiu. "She's useful," she remarked, "but something about her doesn't sit right with me. I wouldn't be surprised if she's still working to free Hoolay."
Jiaoqiu crossed his arms, his jaw tight as he stared at the door you'd just left through. "You're not wrong to be cautious," he admitted, his voice low. "She has her own agenda. But I've planned for this."
Feixiao raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"
He nodded, his gaze unwavering. "I'll know by the end of today if she's really trying to help us or if she's still aligned with Hoolay and the Borisin monsters. I've put something in motion that should reveal her true loyalties."
Feixiao gave a satisfied smirk, her sharp features hardening. "Good. Because if she's a traitor, I won't hesitate to deal with her myself."
Jiaoqiu didn't respond, but his thoughts were racing. , but he knew you better than anyone. He had to. You were like a storm—wild, uncontrollable—but also strategic. He had to be certain where your heart truly lay before the situation spiraled out of control.
You dragged yourself back to Jiaoqiu's house, utterly exhausted from the day's events. The moment you stepped through the door, you caught the scent of food—he had already prepared dinner. Jiaoqiu stood by the table, looking composed, maybe too composed. You could tell he was acting, trying to keep up appearances, and you couldn't help but think how sweet it was, even if you knew it wasn't real.
"You're so cute," you muttered with a teasing smile, dropping your facade for a moment. "Aya, I'll cook next time."
He didn't say anything, just gave a slight nod as you sat down and started eating. The food was good—too good. You kept eating, taking bite after bite, as the silence stretched out between you. But then, something inside you snapped. You laughed. A loud, manic laugh that echoed through the room, uncontrollable and sharp.
Jiaoqiu's eyes widened, a mixture of surprise and concern flickering across his usually cold demeanor.
You stood up suddenly, the laughter still bubbling from your lips, and before you could stop yourself, you jumped on him. His arms instinctively went to catch you, his body tensing under the weight of your sudden energy.
"What—" he began, but you cut him off with another manic giggle, your face inches from his. The tension in the room was suffocating, your eyes gleaming with something unreadable. He looked genuinely caught off guard, as if he didn't quite know what to make of this side of you.
"You didn't expect this, did you?" you whispered, your voice low, teasing. "I'm full of surprises."
Jiaoqiu stared at you, his expression shifting from shock to something more guarded. "What are you doing?"
You leaned closer, your manic energy still lingering, but your eyes softened, just for a second. "Just playing along, Jiaoqiu. Isn't that what we always do?"
You devoured the food, the once comfortable silence turned eerie, your mind swirling with chaotic thoughts. The taste of the meal seemed to trigger something dark inside you, a spiraling mix of excitement and twisted joy. You laughed, louder this time, uncontrollable and shrill, and before Jiaoqiu could react, you sprang from your seat and pounced on him.
He caught you out of reflex, his eyes widening in surprise as you clung to him, your laughter ringing in his ears. You pressed your lips to his cheek, a soft kiss that felt out of place amidst the insanity in your eyes. Blushing, you leaned in close, your voice breathless with excitement as you whispered, "How did you kill such a good Borisin monster, Jiaoqiu?"
He stiffened at the question, clearly not expecting this sudden outburst. You giggled, your fingers clutching his collar, your grip tightening as if you were afraid he'd slip away.
"Did you hunt it?" you asked again, your voice taking on an unsettling edge. "Did you make it suffer? Did you hear it scream? Oh, Jiaoqiu, why didn't you invite me? We could have had so much fun together!"
Your laughter echoed through the room, manic and unrestrained, as you held your face in your hands, unable to contain your excitement. "I want to kill them myself! Again, and again, and again! It's so thrilling, so satisfying!"
Jiaoqiu's expression hardened, his usual cold demeanor crumbling under the weight of your crazed behavior. He didn't say a word, but you could see the tension in his body, the way his jaw clenched as he tried to process the madness spilling from your lips.
You laughed again, this time more high-pitched, your eyes gleaming with unhinged joy. "You're such a bad man, eating a monster like that! But it's fine! It's so fine!" You threw your head back, laughing hysterically, your entire body trembling with the thrill of it all. "I love it, Jiaoqiu! I love it! Hahahaha!"
Your laughter continued to echo through the room, sharp and uncontrollable, as you lost yourself in the twisted delight of it all. You glanced at Jiaoqiu, your eyes gleaming with a strange mix of lust and madness. His silence only fueled the fire burning inside you, and you leaned closer, kissing the side of his face softly.
But before you could stand up and fully take in the chaos of your actions, Jiaoqiu suddenly pulled you down, his grip firm and unexpected. You blinked, dazed, your breath hitching as you felt the intensity of the moment. His touch was heated, his hand brushing against your back, sending shivers down your spine.
"Do you feel it, Jiaoqiu?" you whispered with a dangerous smile, leaning in to kiss his ear again, your lips barely brushing against his skin. You pressed closer, savoring the tension, before kissing him once more, this time deeper, lingering in the moment. "When will you let me kill a Borisin again?" Your voice was hushed but filled with a crazed longing.
His eyes were distant, as if something had taken hold of him—something unnatural. You paused, your manic excitement wavering as you realized the truth. He was possessed, and it was entirely your doing, an accident born from the chaotic energy you had unleashed. It usually happens without your thinking.. You felt bad.
With a heavy sigh, you snapped your fingers, the spell breaking in an instant. Jiaoqiu's eyes cleared, his expression shifting from dazed confusion to a weirded-out disbelief. He stared at you, trying to make sense of what had just happened.
"Eat," you said coldly, pushing yourself away from him and standing up, your voice suddenly devoid of the madness from before. "I'll sleep on the sofa tonight. Also I'm sorry."
Without waiting for a response, you turned and walked toward the couch, the remnants of your earlier outburst still hanging in the air.
Jiaoqiu woke up first, his expression tense and clearly distressed. The weight of everything from the night before seemed to linger, but as he got up, the smell of something cooking caught his attention. He walked towards the kitchen and saw you, already awake, cooking as if nothing had happened. You looked up with a bright smile, greeting him.
"Good morning," you said cheerfully, your hands moving skillfully as you prepared the dish. "I'm making sweets from my planet. You should try them."
Jiaoqiu frowned slightly, still disoriented. "I don't like sweets," he mumbled, though there was no real conviction in his voice.
You chuckled softly, ignoring his resistance. "You say that now, but this is something I used to do. I used to bake sweets all the time. It's always been a part of me." You turned to face him, your smile gentle. "Besides, you can taste anything I make. I'm blessed by an Aeon."
He raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. "That sounds like a joke," he muttered, but the curiosity in his eyes betrayed him.
You handed him a small portion, your face lighting up as he took a bite. Jiaoqiu hesitated at first, but the moment the sweetness hit his tongue, something shifted in his expression. His eyes widened slightly, realizing what you said was true—he could taste the flavors of the food you made, even though he couldn't taste anything else.
"You like it, don't you?" you teased, moving closer to him. "Here, let me feed you. You're not eating enough." You gently took another bite of the pastry and brought it to his lips. He didn't resist this time, and as he ate, a quiet satisfaction appeared on his face.
"It's good," he finally admitted, his tone softer than before.
Your smile brightened even more as you continued preparing a batch. "I'm going to bake some for the General as well. She'll love them."
Jiaoqiu glanced at you, the tension easing from his features, though a part of him still seemed guarded. "We're supposed to meet her today. Bring them along," he said, almost as if he couldn't resist seeing what would happen next.
Later, when you both arrived at the General's quarters, you presented the sweets to her. General Feixiao, always composed and sharp-eyed, accepted the plate with a nod. Her fox ears perked up ever so slightly, a sign that her interest had been piqued. Without saying much, she took the plate and retreated to a quiet corner to eat alone.
You caught a glimpse of her, enjoying the taste as she bit into one of the sweets. There was a moment of subtle satisfaction in her eyes, but she kept her usual demeanor as she finished, the unspoken approval hanging in the air.
"She liked it," Jiaoqiu murmured, watching from the side, a faint trace of surprise in his voice.
You smiled to yourself, pleased with the small victory, feeling like—for once—things were moving in the right direction.
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Quick (Informal) PSA For Therian Minors
I see a lot of minors in the community who seem very...comfortable, I guess, with sharing personal information and photos on here and other sites, and I just wanted to speak my piece about it.
Something I remembered from another post that I wanna steal because I love the wording: before you share something on the internet, think what could someone who wanted to hurt me do with this information? Not trying to be condescending, I'm an adult and I think that exact sentence in my head before I post/comment/DM anything related to myself.
Just saw a post where a well-meaning therian minor linked their Youtube channel, which has videos of them irl (wearing a mask, but still) doing quads outside and at an indoor non-chain business with the name/logo of the building clearly visible.
I cannot emphasize how much I was taught to be extremely careful about posting any irl images as a kid/teen, as people can infer your location from very minor details, MUCH LESS VIDEOS OF MY WHOLE BODY IN AN EASILY GOOGLE-ABLE LOCATION. What happens if someone with malicious intent sees that video, which is public on youtube? What will you do when someone attempts to blackmail or doxx you? Not only would this would-be criminal know where you are, they can also see how old you are and exactly what you look like. Terrifying.
(I understand we're in a culture of many people posting videos of themselves online, but (in my opinion) it's just not safe to be uploading public content that's advertising "Hi I'm bodily a child/teenager and this is what I look like and this is close to where I live and I'm also a therian who's probably hiding this account from my parents")
This individual is essentially just trusting that no one on the entirety of Youtube will just google the name of the indoor facility (along with any other location-identifying posts they may make) and either threaten them via doxxing or just straight up threaten their life/safety.
I knew someone in school who got too comfortable in an in-game chat, and was lulled into a false friendship and tricked into mentioning his address. Then he was threatened and told to send them money or they would physically find him. Thankfully he felt safe enough to tell his parents, who knew how to stop the situation. I know a lot of us aren't out to our family, and I dread to think what would have happened if the boy I knew hadn't felt safe enough to explain the situation to his parents.
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TLDR; before you post personal info/photos, think of the absolute worst evil that someone could do to you with that information. I know it's a bummer, but doxxing/blackmail happens more than you think, and even if your posts only seem to get low notes/likes/whatever, they can theoretically be seen by ANYONE, including people who want to hurt you.
(also I don't mean to call out or harass anyone, I'm not trying to be mean, I just wanted to use an example bc it's what inspired me to make this post and also I wanted to outline why real behaviours I'm seeing can be dangerous, rather than just making up hypotheticals)
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dukeofdelirium · 3 days
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I will never believe Zu/tara shippers when they say they hate Kata/aang because it's "heteronormative" since one of the main complaints Kata/aang gets from them is that "no 14 year old girl would wanna date a bald boy who's younger and shorter then her" or how Aang gets called a bald lesbian as an insult. Idk man I think Katara ending up with the bad boy with anger issues who is most stereotypically masculine of all the Gaang boys and who she spends most of the story hating for hurting her and her friends (who also personally betrayed her trust when she tried to help him). Idk man I think if these two got together that'd be a lot more heteronormative, especially since they only became friends an ep before the finale started. I think Katara and Aang's relationship has writing issues too (I have a lot of gripes I'm not coming at this as a shipper) but it takes a particular kind of ship brainrot to argue Zuta/ra end game would have made more sense or been a better end game with the canon we are given. And arguing it's somehow less heteronormative to make Zuko get together with Katara. I can't with this fandom.
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if either of these two ships fit the definition of heteronormativity, it’s zvtara, not kataang. Aang does not fit the western male character type. He is short, shaves his head, is pacifistic, and quite feminine compared to the other male characters. He gets insulted for doing things that characters deem as “feminine”, like weaving jewelry for one.
the show doesn’t actually support this idea that femininity is bad, but characters like Sokka who have narrow viewpoints early in the story try to ridicule him. toph also makes jabs at Aang’s femininity.
Zvtara shippers argument has never been about heteronormativity. It’s always been “misogyny”. The only reason they’re adopting heteronormativity in their list of vocab words they still don’t know the definitions of is bc most of us kataang shippers on here (tumblr) are gay, bisexual, etc. And because we, as majority lgbt ppl have stated that their ship is heteronormative, they just want to flip that to use against us even when it doesn’t apply.
Kataang simply doesn’t follow a typical m/f ship in terms of writing, characters or how they interact with one another. Which is by and large why it has been so hated by these idiots. They wanna say “muhhh heteronormativity” but in the same breath ridicule Aang’s femininity, say he isn’t masculine enough for her, call him a lesbian etc to undermine the ship. Just as they say “muhhh male gaze” when most kataang shippers are actually women, because most ppl involved in shipping communities and fandoms in general are women.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I only know of a couple of male kataang shippers on here, myself being one of them. Ships and fandoms are very much and have always been a female dominated community. That’s for any fandom or any ship I’ve seen.
Their arguments are ridiculous and make no sense. It’s just like when some zvtara idiot was in my inbox harassing me for being a man and was saying that I’m an incel and that I hate women and want to rape women….. when I’m fucking GAY! Nothing they say makes sense or is canonical, so I’ve long since stopped taking anything they say seriously. It’s just free entertainment at this point.
Full offense but I don’t need a bunch of straight girls to tell me what heteronormativity means 😂
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gentlehue · 1 month
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i found an old mini vlog i made before my eng lit gcse never thought i’d miss those days EVER 😭😭😭
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"i mess up things and then i don't have the energy to fix them up" yes brain true sentence but no brain the appropriate response is NOT "therefore i should kill myself (and here's how)"
#tw suicide#i wish i was joking#i am just so so tired of keeping myself alive! can't someone else do it for a change? or better yet kill me??#said something to the emergency room psych#she queried it and i confirmed i had said precisely what i intended#she blinked and said 'i usually hear that from jaded forty year olds not twenty year olds'#i won't share what because it was a highly specific explanation of precisely how i might see myself suiciding or how/whether i thought i#could. she asked me and i answered. apparently she wasn't expecting that level of detail and confidence#is it funny to anyone else that i always struggle with confidence but i can confidently tell her specifics about suicide thoughts?#this is reminding me of the fifteen year old yesterday i was conversing with and he randomly started listing all the suicide methods he#could think of and i was internally like you missed a dozen i can think of. didn't say that obvs#i don't know i am. tired. of everything. and i had a long and good conversation with an older woman from church last night (mother of the#boy. i have confided in her before she's great)#she's hte only person irl who now knows about the second suicide attempt (tho she doesn't know it was the second) and she was encouraging m#to see the psych and escalate care#but all day ive been regretting telling the psych or bro or anyone honestly#it would be so much EASIER to have said nothing and gone through with my plan#i wouldn't trust myself not to rn if i had access#i mean. i know multiple ways in this room i could kill myself. but i won't#there's a couple of specific methods that are most of the thoughts usually so they're the specific ones i gotta watch out for more if that#makes sense#ooh gosh im rambling i should shut up xD#personal#puddleglum hours
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seagullcharmer · 5 months
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so many project ideas not enough ability..........
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idledreams4 · 2 months
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I improved my morning alarm
#It was just Heat of the Moment#but *now* it's Heat of the Moment + Dean#and I now will let it go off *solely* so I can fill in the dialogue as Sam XD#If I don't have it memorized after spending almost 40 minutes editing this together I'll be thoroughly dissapointed#If I wake up and its Tuesday again I'll be frusterated but also *religiously* hunting for Gabriel#I bet he was one of the guys who came into the pet store today#sorry I'm getting ahead of myself there lol#WAIT#nononono what if he's my boss#hear me out#ok so I was complaining about not being able to be a hunter because 90% of monsters don't even exist in this world#THE NEXT DAY I have my first shift at the pet store#and let me tell you: that place is HAUNTED#flickering lights; weird sounds; cold spots; objects moving on their own. All of it.#This might be a little crazy but if Gabriel was going to be impersonating *somebody* in my life rn it would be my boss#and if I wake up in a time loop then I already figured it out. I win. And if that's the case: I bet the haunting is fake#If I don't wake up in a time loop I'm actually going to be more disappointed than if I do#I want an excuse to be able to tell my mom “yesterday was tuesday right? but today is tuesday too”#and then she's going to tell me I'm lying so after enough loops I'm just going to start saying all the same words as her at the same time#ohmygod and that would be SUCH a Gabriel thing to do actually#ok so my mom is a Sam Girl and I'm a Dean Girl so having us in the oposite characters' situations would be really funny#especially because I *really* don't like Sam that much#Guys trust if Gabriel was real he'd have a golden opportunity sitting at his feet right now#omg I love this#idle speaks#supernatural#spn#spn gabriel#dean winchester#sam winchester
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moodr1ng · 12 days
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recently been seeing (and seeking) more info on moral ocd and its like wellll it does seem like i definitely have that but talking about the stuff i obsess over w my psychiatrist feels impossible bc i cant admit to thinking about it without feeling like a horrible person, so im just gonna keep sweeping it under the rug lol....
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medicinemane · 1 month
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It's amazing how quickly you can make someone turn on your company by making a stupid and insulting move
Force me to go through the front door and scan my card when I have backdoor business that never needed a card before (what? ...I was going to somehow... sneak in and... purchase things with a borrowed card? ...which I totally can't do from the front door after scanning it?)
Or like... twitterify your layout right after your users give you a bunch of money just cause they like you, and then refuse to walk it back
...or all the other things companies do that just kinda piss people off and then they refuse to acknowledge maybe it sucks and is stupid cause "hey, the customers didn't leave"... yeah... yet
#legit; as small as it is it gives me a hint at the direction things will head and that costco will get more and more anti consumer#and I'm in minutes going from an 'I love costco; it's how I afford to eat; go get a cheap pizza'#to 'you know costco is kinda frustrating and annoying and I don't trust their ceo... I'm not sure if it's worth your time and money'#like look back and; tumblr search willing; you'll find posts of me singing costco's praises; literal free advertising#cause while it's not right for everyone; man is it so much cheaper than places like walmart#but... I legit don't know if I can recommend it anymore#for one thing; when I signed up I just spotted the members desk; walked in the backdoor up to the desk; and gave them money#now... what? you gotta ask permission? I feel like there's a chilling effect on wanting to join... at least for my socially anxious ass#and again; I just whiff this as like when games companies add DRM that breaks the game... for people who actually pay for it#they're making me suffer a pain in the ass for no reason cause someone might not be giving them money#and now that person never will give them money... and frankly... if they don't pay the membership but spend $500 how much did you lose?#but like I said; I feel it in the air; that costco will start doing more and more anti consumer stuff#...do I think it's a good idea to join up when they're gonna slowly start turning this corner?#I mentioned that quote by the founder about killing them if they raise the price of the hotdog#but... the fact the founder felt the need to say that to begin with told me something#kinda gotten the impression that the ceo is greedy as hell and wants to drain the consumer (so... a normal ceo)#and this just smacks of netflix/disney#oh... did you hear about disney killing someone with a food allergy despite being told about it multiple times like when the dish arrived?#and now disney is trying to forced arbitrate cause they had a disney+ trial in 2019#you hear about that one? cause that's a real news story; I'll find you an article if you don't believe it#anyway; this smacks of cracking down on password sharing to make up for hypothetical lost revenue#and let me tell you... if I could switch to pirating my groceries I would; I would download eggs#so this doesn't change costco fundamentally; but it does make it feel more hostile and like it doesn't trust me#it makes things feel more adversarial instead of like a partnership where they get me good prices on good things and I give money#and I just wouldn't be surprised if they start doing more things I don't like#things that make things worse... things like raising prices to increase their profit#...makes me want to... work on figuring out how to make everything myself since no company is trustworthy#they'll all turn on you in the end; the moment the wrong person takes charge they'll start to metastasis#towards the cancer of infinite profits#not saying don't go to costco... I'm saying don't get attached if you do; I think they're ready to do what every company does these days
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I just looked up when the date is when I am finally two years clean from SH and THAT DATE ALREADY WAS!!! IT WAS A BIT MORE THAN TWO WEEKS AGO!! I SWITCHED THE MONTHS UP!!!
I AM OFFICIALLY CLEAN FROM SH SINCE 2 WHOLE YEARS!!!!!
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nomairuins · 1 month
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i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.
#i literally like. i didnt tell u guys bc it was embarassing#but i had to hype myself up to eat a fucking orange the other day. like i was shaking and crying and i nearly threw up.#bc it fucking reminded me of All that and also bc its one of the only foods i got to eat outside ofm my one meal a day#while i was living there. bc my coworker gave me oranges sometimes#and one time she gave me a whole bag of cuties which was wonderful of her i miss her#but i pretty much like. bc during m-f i had a meal at work#and i could get something from the vending machine if i needed to#but on the weekends i had to either order food (which would always make me insanely nauseous bc of. the money stuff. yk) or just eat#what i had in my room bc i couldnt use the kitchen bc the roommates would be mad at me#and they might kick me out and id be actually fucked. its so crazy looking back that i genuinely the entire time i fucking lived there even#b4 the breakup the entire time i was in terror that theyd evict me. bc i wouldnt have been able to do anything abt it#i mean thats why i didnt like. leave him after he . and stuff. both bc i thought i didnt deserve anything better and bc i was terrified#theyd evict me and i wouldnt have any way to get home. it was terrifying#but ya. so for a couple weeks i rationed myself One orange per day lol. and on weekends that was all i was able to eat rly#idk. i hate ptsd. basicalllyyyy is the gist of ittt. and i keep thinking abt random fucking things they did to me#me when they jokingly tell me to starve myself when i literally have a fucking eating disorder. and when i told The Only Person i knew in#that fucking house abt it he told me i was being dramatic and i was just being greedy and etc. and then later when i got off work today i#saw on their fucking whiteboard in the kitchen i wasnt supposed to use Eat more <3 as one of their goals. while i went to sit in the garage#for the weekend eating a single fucking orange a day. god#idk. ive gotten better with eating i still have the scale but i ws able to go months without using it until the medical call the other week#and i havent used it since but. everytime i think abt all that itmakes me want to go back to it. i cant tho everyone would notice#i do still eat a wholee lot less than i did b4 washington but idk. idont remember if i even ate today i probably should but i dont feel#hungry but i cant even fucking trust that bc i Starved myself for so fucking long im too good at ignoring hunger. and i never was super in#touch with my body but im constantly numb now. idk.#ed ment#a2t#i ws gonna say more but it ws tmi + tag limit anyway. its just insane that my fucking ed wouldnt have happened if it werent for him and it#graduated i wouldnt have been isolatedinever wouldve had an ed. like 50% of my ptsd would be Gone if i just hadnt joined that discord. lol
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moving-to-dreamwinged · 10 months
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my dad came in and saw me on the couch (for the first time all day and i had literally just sat down for less than a minute when he came in) w heating pad and immediately goes "you have two options" (different chores to do) (as if i was like 10 years old and getting punished for something that i didnt even know i did wrong). what about secret third option where you treat me like an adult or i don't come home for winter next year. Lol
#.mei chats#soryr really my family is. great i need to stpo complain#i just wish theyd realize that im not incompetent#i do a really good job taking care of myself for the entire 10 months out of the year that i dont live with them#and im proud of the independence ive developed bc i worked really hard to feel ANY sort of positive feelings about myself#but they just dont recognize it at all when i come back#trying to tell me how to microwave my food and reminding me of paperwork i have to do#Thanks i literally managed the entire program tasks myself for the last 6~months but yeah you better remind me about the medical forms#or else ill totally forget and mess up the whole thing :'333 bc im just so stupid!! thakn you soooo much for taking care of me!!#<- not like ive been hypervigilant and anxious about making sure i do every little thing with it perfect#in fact there was actually an issue w one of my forms bc they made me submit it even though i didn't think it was filled out properly.#they were like “itll be fine youre overthinking” guess who got an email 3 days later saying the form was completely invalid.#god just bottom line why cantthey trust me when i say im on top of it. fucking trust me this program is my entire life right now#i am putting literally eveyr ounce of effort i've got into not ruining it. they just dont see the improvements and growth ive made at all#so frustrating bc ive worked so hard to pinpoint and fix that specifically but what can ya do#god this got long. sawry#.not f/o related
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