#trying to process everything and not overwhelm myself

[wildmelon]

survived the weekend from hell and after a packed, sad, heartwarming, healing, and stressful couple travel days i'm home again... exhausted and drained, but home and feeling so much better after mourning and saying goodbye as a family ❤️ and we also got good news from the vet 🥹 thank you once again to anyone who left a kind comment last week, it meant the world to me 🫶🏼

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

[pepprs]

life would be so much better if i wasn’t so absolutely fucking depleted and exhausted all the time lol

[linda-rose]

very excited to be back online and read so many of the insightful thoughts and jokes and reactions of ttpd on here and also scream about it myself as I continue to process it, but also, mostly logging off for the album release was literally the best decision I've ever made for me personally lmao

[kyomito]

i love it when my day starts with:

you have one task today. one thing to do, all day to do it. just that for today along with other normal things like eating and showering.

and then my brain is like:

funny. and what if I said we are doing none of that. matter fact, we are going to do none of that and LESS.

[slayfics]

Katsuki gets caught being sweet to you.

You started to finally catch your breath being at the top of the hiking trail Katsuki had dragged you out too.

"Alright there, it's just us up here so tell me already. What the hell has been going on?"

"That's why you brought me out here?" You asked.

"Just tell me already, stop being so damn stubborn." He pried you impatiently.

"I told you I'm fine Bakugo, just busy like everyone else." You replied.

"Don't give me that shit. Do you think I'm stupid? The other extras are too dense to notice but I can see how exhausted you've been this whole week. So just tell me- what's going on," He said.

"You didn't need to drag me out here on a hike in freezing weather to do this, you know," You said, slightly irritated at Katsuki continuing to push you.

"Ugh- will you stop stalling and talk already," He yelled, causing you to let out an annoyed sigh. Katsuki put his hands in his pockets and looked out at the view, his demeanor softening slightly. "You can talk to me, you know," he added, his voice lower and kinder than before.

You stayed looking at the view for a few more moments trying to figure out how to unpack everything that had been stressing you out. It wasn't like some big thing, but a summation of a bunch of little things that were beginning to become too challenging to manage.

A cold breeze blew by causing you to shiver. You wondered why Katsuki had insisted on bringing you up this mountain to talk to you. He could have pestered you in your dorm where it was warm.

Katsuki stole glances at you occasionally then focused back on the view not wanting to intimidate you too much from his glare. Hiking always helped him to clear his mind and gather his thoughts when they seemed too loud. He thought maybe it would help you too, and being away from all your classmates might make it easier for you to talk to him. At the very least it made it easier for Katsuki to be more vulnerable with you. He found it too daunting to express himself fully with all the attention of his classmates around. It was much easier being only in your company.

You took a deep breath, "I guess- it's just been hard to balance everything recently," You finally spoke, breaking the silence. Katsuki made it easy to open up to, as he had no problem sitting in silence for long extended periods. Others in your life felt the need to fill that silence with useless chatter which always prevented you from sitting in your emotions and being able to formulate them into words.

You took in another breath feeling a lump in your throat form. You hadn't wanted to talk to anyone about what was going on for fear of opening up the flood of emotions and not being able to stop. Now here it was. You didn't want to cry on this fucking hill.

Katsuki patiently waited while you gathered your thoughts.

"It's just been so much and I've been barely keeping up. It's- been getting to me recently. I've been forgetting things I shouldn't. Being unusually upset at things that aren't that big of a deal- and I just- it's dumb." You cut yourself off afraid to say anymore.

"It's not dumb. Don't hold that shit in, it's not healthy," He said encouraging you to keep talking.

You sighed, "I just... know that it could be way worse, and I've been through way worse so- I feel so irritated at myself. What I'm going through now isn't something I can't handle. I know that. So why do I feel so fucking exhausted with everything," You replied wiping a stray tear from your cheek.

"Hmm," Katsuki grunted, processing what you said. "You know, it's ok to be tired, and- to not be perfect. You can't just deny yourself from feeling overwhelmed because it could be worse. If you're exhausted now then those feelings are real- and it's ok to have them," He spoke.

You looked down at the view watching the distant cars pass, "Thanks," You managed to say taking another deep breath.

"You shouldn't wait to handle them until they explode either. Trust me, I know what that's like," He said, causing you to let out a small giggle. "You're too damn hard on yourself you know that?"

You let out a full laugh, "Oh that's pretty good coming from you. You're the pro at having too high expectations for yourself," you laughed.

You and Katsuki were wrapped up in your conversation causing you not to notice approaching classmates in the distance. Mina and Eijiro had also decided to come up the hill after class and spotted both of you in the distance.

"That looks like we shouldn't interrupt," Eijiro said.

"Yeah," Mina agreed. "But maybe... we could get a little closer to make sure everything is ok?" She said, pulling Eijiro into the bushes to spy on you and Katsuki. Eijiro was highly against the plan but was unable to protest for fear of you two hearing.

"Yeah I know I have high expectations for myself... that's why I know what it fucking looks like when you're being too hard on yourself. So- tonight I'm coming to your dorm and, I'm making sure you get to bed at a reasonable fucking time."

Mina's eyes widened as she looked at Eijiro, "Coming to their dorm?!" She whispered, and Eijrio covered her mouth, silencing her.

"You mean Grandpa time at 9 p.m.?"

"Shut up! 9 p.m. is late as hell! You damn idiots just don't know how to have a good sleep schedule! Look I'm making sure you get some sleep and tomorrow I'm taking you out. So- figure out where you want to eat, I don't care where. And I'm not letting you say no you need a break," Katsuki replied.

"You don't have to do that Bakugo."

"Of course, I don't have to but, I want to. So just shut up and let me take care of you ok. You better not be afraid to order enough food this time either! I'm buying so- just get whatever you want, alright?"

"Ok ok," You laughed, feeling your mood brighten.

"Next time, just tell me when you're having a bad day or something. Stop making me drag it out of you. I- worry about you, you know? Now let's go back to the dorms. I see you shivering," He said, beginning to walk back down the hill.

Mina squirmed again under Eijiro's hand, keeping her silent. Her eyes said it all. She was in disbelief at Katsuki's words.

"Here," Katsuki said, holding his hand out and offering it to you. "I'll warm your hand with my quirk," he said.

You grabbed his hand interlacing your fingers with his.

"Don't dare say anything about how sweaty my hands are!" He barked.

You giggled, "How many times do I have to tell you I don't care Bakugo. It's part of your quirk, and your quirk is amazing you shouldn't be self-conscious about it. Besides, I'm always happy to hold your hand," You said as you two walked down the mountain.

"Tch whatever," Katsuki grumbled looking away from you as a small tint grew on his cheeks.

Finally, when you and Katsuki were far enough down the hill, Eijiro released Mina.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!?" Mina exclaimed.

"Shh shhh," Eijiro pleaded.

"WHAT- He wants to take care of them?!? OH MY GOD! They are totally dating right?! That's what he said he's taking them out to eat! And he's sneaking into their dorm! Wait wait- when they held hands it sounded like that had before! AND AND BAKUGO WAS TOTALLY BLUSHING! NO WAY!" Mina said looking like she might pass out from all this information.

"Ashido relax, we shouldn't have heard any of that!" Eijiro replied.

"Yeah but but-" Mina exclaimed, her head spinning. "Who knew Baklugo could actually be so sweet! I can't wait to tell Jiro-" She said, pulling out her phone.

"NO!" Eijiro said, grabbing her phone from her. "Uh- sorry, I didn't mean to be so harsh but- you can't tell anyone what we heard ok?" Eijiro said.

"WHAT?! I just heard Bakugo being the sweetest boyfriend ever and you expect me not to say anything about that?!"

"YES!" Eijiro yelled. "Look they both like their privacy and there is a reason they were all the way up here talking, Ashido. I think we should keep this a secret and let them do things at their own pace ok?" He said, handing Mina back her phone.

"UGH-" She exclaimed letting out a big sigh. "I guess you're right... but wow who would have thought Bakugo could be a decent person much less a good boyfriend." She said.

Eijiro just shrugged at her words, "I don't know he's not a bad guy like you all make him out to be you know."

"Wait! You totally already knew didn't you!" Mina said, slapping Eijiro's shoulder.

"Hey! I mean- Bakugo is my best friend you know, so yeah I did..." He answered truthfully.

"You suck! Keeping secrets like that from me!" Mina said playfully, waving a finger at him.

"I'm sorry, but it's their business you know?" He said.

"Yeah I understand, guess we should go back to the dorms too now," Mina suggested.

"Yeah it is pretty cold up here, let's go." He agreed as they both started to walk down the hill. "I don't have Bakugo's quirk or anything but- if you're cold you can hold my hand too if you want," Eijiro suggested.

Mina's face tinted a darker pink as she reached out and grabbed Eijiro's hand.

Tags: @unofficialmuilover @maddietries

Picture taken from @everypanelofkatsuki, thank you for all your hard work! Go check them out if you haven’t!

[motheyes]

home

[worldlxvlys]

my eyes only (part 6)

chris sturniolo x reader

warnings: cursing

a/n: hope you enjoy <33

previous part

CHRIS’S POV

what the hell am i doing ?

i just climbed out of her window like a teenage boy.

i needed to get out of there. all i could think about since she went to talk to charlie was what she said, “he’s convinced that you’re in love with me.”

the words themselves aren’t what freaked me out, so much as the fact that they were true.

of course they were true, who wouldn’t fall in love with her?

i loved her so much that it scared me. i was so dependent on her, i don’t know what i’d do without her.

i’ve known that i had feelings for her for a while, and i was even set to confess them to her right before her and charlie got together.

the words were on the tip of my tongue, but i chickened out at the last minute.

because at the end of the day, i’d rather be her friend and in pain than completely lose her.

i refuse to lose her. i have not gone through years of pining for her just to fuck it up now.

and, i will admit, fucking her and sneaking out of the window ? not my best move.

but i panicked in the moment, and resorted to what i do best, running from my problems.

it was too late to go back once i snuck out, but i was going to do everything in my power to fix it.

hence, the reason i was trudging through the rain towards the local plaza that was the perfect walking distance from her house.

i’m not fucking up this time.

READER’S POV

it had been an hour since chris left. i had no way to contact him, because he managed to forget his phone in my room.

him not having any way to communicate with anyone worried me, as he had no way to ask anyone for a ride home.

i had decided i was going to drive around and see if i could find him, just to make sure he was safe.

i grabbed my phone and his, along with my car keys and stepped out into the pouring rain.

i locked my door behind me and started to make my way down my drive way to my car, but stopped halfway when i spotted chris already there.

his hair was soaking wet, his once light grey hoodie now a darker hue as it was saturated in rain.

he held a giant bouquet of flowers in his left hand, a plastic bag hanging from his right.

“chris” i breathed out, as i walked towards him.

“you scared the shit out of me” i yelled over the rain, watching as his eyes widened.

“i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have left like that. i just got overwhelmed and i didn’t even think before i left”

he placed the flowers down on the hood of my car, freeing his hand.

he moved my hair out of my face, cupping my cheek.

“i just- i’m in love with you” he spoke as he swallowed harshly.

my eyes widened at his confession, and my heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest.

his cheeks and nose were red due to the cold rain dripping down his face.

“and i’m scared. i don’t want to do anything to fuck up our relationship, because i need you in my life. i’d never forgive myself for scaring you away” his eyes bounced back and forth between mine and my head began to spin under his intense gaze.

“and watching the way charlie treated you for so long killed me. but i’d go through that a hundred more times if it meant having you in my life. because then, at least i’d be here to take care of you. that’s all i ever want to do, for the rest of my life. i just wanna be here for you and look out for you.”

“and if i’m freaking you out we can pretend like this never happened, but please don’t run away. i can’t lose you, i need you” he spoke with certainty, like he knew for a fact that he couldn’t live without me.

“please say something” he whispered.

i continued to stare at him in shock, trying to process the fact that i wasn’t dreaming.

this was the moment that i’d been waiting for for years.

i spent so long wishing that chris would long for me the way that i did him.

and here he stood, in front of me in the pouring rain, telling me what i’ve been trying to muster up the courage to tell him.

it’s like i was living the life of a main character in a romance novel.

like the movie scene that every teenage girl dreams that she’ll find herself in.

it felt so surreal, i couldn’t even think of the right words to say.

so instead of speaking, i did the next best thing.

i grabbed the bottom of his hoodie, bunching it up and using it to pull his lips to mine.

this kiss was different than any of the other ones we’d shared, even a few hours ago.

every unspoken emotion that we shoved down and were too scared to express, was poured into the kiss.

it was almost like we were starting over.

the rain washed away every feeling of sadness and pain that we had previously experienced.

the kiss introduced us to the happiness, love, and passion that we had to look forward to.

it was always there, but sometimes it was easy for the negative feelings to overpower and bury them.

he dropped the bag that he was holding, snaking his hand around my waist.

i tilted my head, deepening the kiss as our lips moved against each others.

i silently prayed that he couldn’t hear the uncontrollable pace that my heart was beating at.

his wet fingertips grazed my jawline, making me shudder against him.

despite the coolness of his skin, every touch to my waist seemed to make my skin heat up.

when we finally needed air, we pulled away from each other.

my eyes were still closed as my swollen lips tingled, aching for the touch of his again.

chris moved in again, pressing his lips to mine tenderly, making me laugh.

i pulled away slightly, prompting his lips to follow mine.

before he could kiss me again, though, i spoke up,” i love you too” i whispered.

“and i have for years. my relationship with charlie was a sad attempt at getting over you” i said, making him chuckle at me.

“you’re the only person i’ll ever want, chris. it’s just you. and i’m not going anywhere, ok? you have me” i said as i smiled up at him.

a wide smile broke onto his face as he pulled me in for another kiss.

suddenly remembering something, i pulled away from him.

“hey, did you know that a rain kiss is on my bucket list ?” i asked excitedly.

“i know” he smiled at me before pulling me in again.

MY EYES ONLY ->

🌀🌀🌀🌀

this is literally based on @hearts4chriss + chris’s love story, i be taking notes when she tells me abt it 😝

main masterlist

my eyes only masterlist

tag list: @lustfulslxt @flowerxbunnie @sturnssx @mattslolita @its-jennarose @sophssturn @bernardsleftbootycheek @queen161718 @cupidsword @imwetforyourmom @nickmillersn1gf @mattsneezing @chrisstankyleg @sturniolobltch @ciarasturn1 @bethsturn @bernardenjoyer @mbbsgf @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @ssturniolo @blueeyedbesson @mxqdii @sturniolowhore @heraakayourname @defnotayonna @urmom2bitch @rootbeerworshiper @starsturniolo @theyluv-meee @carolinalikesthings @itzdarling @chrisstopherfilmed @judespoision @sstvrnioloo @littlebookworm803 @nicksdrpepper @chrisloyalgf @robins-scoop @fandomhopped @chr1sgirl4life @bbglmfao @55sturn @sturniolololover @meg-sturniolo @mattsnymphette @leah-loves-lilies @vanteguccir @ineedchriscock @junnniiieee07

[foxes-at-a-keyboard]

I don't think people understand how much energy it takes every day to be mentally and physically ill and just… keep everything on track.

Every day, several times a day, I work to make sure I am drinking enough water. If I don't. It will affect my chronic illness. I will feel ill and everything will be harder.

Everyday I try to make sure I eat two to three meals. Sometimes it's hard because I feel ill, sometimes it's hard because, mentally, food is repulsive. If I don't eat I will end up feeling more ill.

When I am standing I have to make sure I don't stand for too long. If I don't I will feel faint.

When I am sitting I have to make sure I am not sitting the wrong way. If I don't I will strain my joints, I might pull them out of place. I will be in pain for days.

Sometimes a change in the weather will make me feel ill.

Sometimes a change in the air quality will make me feel ill.

I have to check the ingredients of everything I eat or I will be ill. I'm not just looking for one thing. It's dozens of things. Some things only become a problem depending on the amount. Some things only become a problem depending on how they are processed. It's a constant struggle to remember everything. If I make one mistake I will have digestive issues.

But if I get too stressed or am having other chronic problems flare up I might have digestive issues anyways.

When I am stressed I try not to tense up my muscles. If I do, I will be sore for days. It might affect my joints.

But it's easy for me to be stressed. Small changes to my routine are painful. I get overwhelmed by people, by noise, by unexpected change. I work hard to manage it but it's hard.

Sometimes something very normal happens but I have trauma so it feels incredibly not normal for me. It might take days to figure out what exactly happened and how to dig myself out of my emotions.

My memory is poor. There is so much I have to remember to stay mentally and physically okay. Not even good. Just okay. It's so hard to remember everything. There is almost always something falling through the cracks.

I get tired easily. Even just maintaining my mental and physical health is exhausting. But if I don't do it it is even MORE exhausting.

And it starts all over every day.

[cripplecharacters]

Do you have any tips (or previous posts) about how to write a young person who’s first-time cane user? This one is for a character who escapes a lifetime of being experimented on, and learns in the aftermath of being rescued that this rather compromised her ability to walk well again. I’ve written characters with other mobility devices for getting around. But never canes. I myself am physically disabled but have never needed anything like these before. I’m always eager to learn.

Hi!

If your character is a first time cane user, here's some things that could happen:

She will need to learn how to walk with the cane first. When you're starting, it's easy to mess up (though it could be my dyspraxia speaking) and overfocus on how you should walk because you're just getting used to it. She could randomly stop and correct her gait, or look down a lot to check if she's still doing the motion (left arm and right leg forward, or the other way around).

She's probably gonna drop that thing a lot. Especially if she has a weaker grip in the cane hand - now, I don't have this problem (the opposite, rather) - but the overall thing is a really common occurrence for most of us. Walking and hit the smallest pebble imaginable? Cane on the ground, somehow. Tried putting it against the wall or table? It's on the ground. And then you need to reach for it... it's a struggle sometimes.

If she's not helped in picking the cane, she will spend some time figuring out what grip and height are comfortable for her. (Grip depends on personal preference, no one's preference has ever been the doorknob handle, height is generally to the person's wrist from the ground up.) I think that this could be an interesting opportunity to talk about disabled communities - maybe she's frustrated with the process and goes to an older (more experienced) cane user to help her?

If it's during the winter, her hand is gonna be freezing - and the opposite in the summer - and she might not be prepared for it. The handle can get HOT and it can be an issue. Depending on what her actual disability is, she might try switching which hand to hold it in. If she's able to do that, another character could warm up her cold hand :)

The first couple of times walking with a cane are an Experience. You feel way better, but also everyone is suddenly staring. Some people care about that, some don't. But it can be somewhat overwhelming either way.

Spatial awareness is gonna suck at first. She will bump into what feels like everything with the cane. Especially doorframes. It's always doorframes for some reason. Or mess up and have her cane slip down because she hasn't realized how close to the curb she was.

She will hit her shin. It will hurt.

She's probably going to be speedy with that thing! Getting a cane is like getting a speed boost. Without it, I have episodes where I'm extremely slow (my highest, extreme-pain speed would be slower than a person walking very casually) and with it, I'm faster than a lot of able-bodied people! It's fun and she would have fun with it.

She will not know what to do with the cane when she doesn't need it. For me, using backpacks always cause issues because I don't know how to hold it without dropping it, but I also need to swap hands, something gets stuck on the handle... it's a whole process that takes a comical amount of time at first. Same when going to the public bathroom, where are you putting it when you aren't using it...? It's a lot of trial and error and a lot of "eww, my cane just touched the dirtiest surface humanly imaginable".

In the real world, people are (overly) interested in young cane user's business and tend to stare a lot. Now, it doesn't have to be like this in your story, but it's often just an annoying part of life. Your character might feel awkward and feel like she needs to explain herself, but this goes away after some time. You just get desensitized after a while.

In the real world, people are sometimes interested and nice about it! For example, a lot of older people can be insecure about using a cane, exactly like younger people. I've heard stories about older people asking younger users where they got their cane from, how are they so confident with it, etc. Another opportunity for a disabled community moment!

I hope that my suggestions were helpful, it's been a while since I was a first-time cane user so I wrote down what I still remember, haha.

Mod Sasza

Hi!

I agree with Sasza on pretty much every point and wanted to add some things from my own experience.

It's really, really hard to hold both a cane and an umbrella at the same time. Sometimes I'll give up and get wet. Sometimes I'll give up and store the cane. She might do either of those, depending on what she hates more: being wet or walking without the cane. Or she could get a raincoat if that works for her.

Speaking of umbrellas, sometimes you need your umbrella and you need your cane and you also need a free hand. This Sucks. What I do for this sometimes (and maybe she or other people have better, smarter, more useful solutions than this) is shove my umbrella into my shirt or backpack strap or something, so the umbrella is Held Up by it. This is not very effective, and will not last long. But if I need to look up a map on my phone or adjust something on my clothes or get my keys, it can work. Sort of.

Just like mod Sasza said, people will take interest in your cane, younger and older alike. I've had people of all ages compliment my cane (it has flowers) as well as people of all ages tell me I'm too young to need a cane or ask what's wrong with me. An older woman once asked me where I got my cane as she had been wanting a 'pretty' one, and that was a nice moment.

She might develop a new awareness of mobility aid users. When you're new at using one and trying to figure it out, you're probably going to be frustrated, because it's a new skill like any other. But it might make her (like it made me) notice more people using canes. It's not that I never saw them before, but that they were more common than I ever thought, and I never would have noticed how common it was if I hadn't had to slow down and practice my skill.

Cane tips get dirty, and cane tips wear out. These both depend on where your character is using her cane (outdoors vs indoors, scratchy asphalt vs smooth wood) as well as how often. A cane with a worn-out rubber tip really sucks and is more unstable and if the cane is made of aluminum and the tip is worn out and you hit the cane the wrong way, you can damage the cane. Ask me how I know.

That's all I can think of right now that I had to learn to deal with when I started! As you can see I still don't have a solution to the rain thing and it's been like two and a half years...

- mod Sparrow

[g3l3mb]

how to generate creative ideas:

(i need to get this out of my brain)

Make moodboards, playlists, keep a list of people who inspire you. Before starting a project think about the general vibe you want it to embody. Ask questions like “What would this concept sound like if it was a song?” ,“What would this concept be like if it was a person?”. Create a shirt that looks like a building you like, literally anything can be combined.

Take unrelated things or concepts and mix them together. Let’s take Addams Family as an example. “What if it was a story about a typical suburban family…but GOTH!”. It basically flips everything upside down. Or “What outfit would someone wear, who’s personality is the mix of the vibes of these two songs?” Random word generators are amazing for this if you don’t know where to start from.

Try making something truly BAD and then add a twist to it. It’s a great way for your brain to let go of expectations and then think outside of the box. But you can also use this to find out what you do not wanna do under any circumstances.

Think without worrying about the limits of what you can do and when it’s time for excecution, find a way around what’s impossible. It births more creativity and adds uniqueness.

Consider what your idea is NOT before considering what it is. Limits are the best way to avoid getting overwhelmed and giving up. Don’t ALWAYS do this though (unless you wanna…), it’s just something to try out when you feel like you’re seeing too many possibilities to the point that they’re contradicting each other. Unless your goal is to make something full of contradictions, you’re a Free Man, do whatever you want.

Keep a list of random ideas you have throughout the day in your notes app or something and then at some point actually review them. Keep what you think is worth exploring and then act on it.

Find out how something works very throughoutly so you know which aspect can be changed to create something new.

Take a concept and break it down into smaller concepts, ideas, questions, key elements and then also break those ideas down etc. This will naturally lead to associations, unique ideas you wouldn’t think of without doing this. I found that this is a great way of coming up with metaphors.

This one is similar to the last two: take a piece of art you really love and try to find out the thought process behind. What’s the story, where did the artist get inspiration from, how did they incorporate those ideas in their work. How did an artist combine their personal interests and knowledge into one big thing. For example: Tolkien was an erudite linguist, so much so that he created entire functional languages in his work, such as Elvish in Lord of the Rings. Hirohiko Araki loves 80’s music so much he named characters in Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure after music references. This is why no knowledge is useless knowledge.

Think about the times you’ve been the most creative before. What were the specific circumstances? For me my best ideas always come when I have a strict deadline for something unrelated, like school (which I’m way too willing to sacrifice), or when I’m doing something mindless like walking and listening to music, or playing a game that requires no thinking. Most of the time after 10p.m. This doesn’t mean I can’t “force” myself to be creative (tips above), it just means these are the times ideas come most naturally. For some people this might be being out in nature or experiencing high emotions, maybe having their life on the line idk, to each their own.

You can’t just create. You also need to consume. The more information you absorb, the more possibilities you have with your ideas. So if you’re not feeling that creative, that’s fine, it’s the perfect opportunity to learn something new.

If you don’t already do these things and you’re looking to get more creative my advice is to ACTUALLY TRY THESE OUT. You’ll best understand them in action.

[winchestershiresauce]

Dandelion Wine

Summary: When Halsin joins Gale and Tav in the bedroom for the first time, they all get more than they bargained for. This is a tale of intimacy, multiple orgasms, and trying new things.

Gale x f!Tav x Halsin; Halsin x f!Tav; Gale x Halsin; Gale x f!Tav

7851 words

Warnings: NSFW, Explicit Smut, M/F, M/M, polyamory, oral sex (f and m receiving), squirting, unprotected PIV, processing trauma, insecurity, discomfort interrupting sex, come eating, so much more

A/N: I think I left a piece of my soul in this fic - let me know if you like it! Comments and reblogs always much appreciated.

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The first time Halsin joins them, Gale insists that he only wants to watch. Despite being intellectually on board with multiple relationships, he’s worried that his body will remain firmly in the monogamous camp. He loves Tav, and he trusts her with every fiber of his being, but it still feels overwhelming and a bit scary to imagine sharing such a vulnerable experience with anyone other than her. Hells, he still finds himself feeling self-conscious in his most intimate moments with her, through no fault of her own.

Before Halsin arrives, Gale paces back and forth through the room. He and Tav have discussed seemingly every aspect of the situation to death and back, but he still feels like he is about to jump from great heights with no backup parachute.

Tav walks into their room at the inn with an armful of water carafes and fruit. When she sees the tension in Gale’s body, his shoulders nearly at his ears, her smile fades to a look of concern. He’s thankful that it’s not a look of pity – he’s not sure he could handle that at this moment – but a loving glance with worry behind her eyes.

“I’m afraid they’ll charge us extra for damages if you wear a hole in the floor with your pacing.” She sets the drinks and snacks down on the table in the corner and strides over to where he’s now frozen in place.

“I’m sorry, my love. I know that we’ve been planning this for weeks but I can’t help but find myself feeling terribly nervous. Granted, I’m also excited. I want to see how everything will go, but the nerves won’t settle.” Tav brushes a strand of hair out of his face and tucks it behind his ear. He melts into her touch.

“My silly wizard, there is nothing to apologize for. It’s perfectly natural to be both excited and nervous about something, especially something that’s so new to you! In fact, I’d be more concerned if you weren’t nervous at all. This is a big step and no matter how it goes, some things will change. However, I need you to remember that your comfort and security are just as important as mine and Halsin’s, so I need to be sure that you’ll speak up if you want anything to stop or slow down.” Gale sighs and takes her hands into his. His thumb strokes over the soft skin of her knuckles as he ponders his reply.

“I will, I promise. I believe that you and I have practiced enough that I can say what needs to be said in the moment. I know how to stop things and I will do so if necessary.” He brings their hands up to his mouth and places the softest of kisses to each individual knuckle on her left hand. “I don’t want to back out of this if you’re worried about that,” he adds.

“And if you did want to back out, that would be more than fine! There are plenty of other things we could do while we’re here that don’t involve potentially opening partially healed wounds in the name of sexual exploration.” There’s a slight tease in her tone, but he knows she’s sincere. He’s always admired the way that she can still use humor in any situation without taking away from the significance.

“I know, and thank you. I want to reiterate that I want this, I merely need a bit more reassurance than I expected to.”

“Good thing I brought extra, then.” She grins. He’s not sure he’ll ever get over the butterflies in his belly when she looks at him with such kindness and love. She’s the first person – unless you count Tara – that he knows loves him for every aspect of himself and not just his intellect or what he can do for her. Somehow, she looks his flaws right in the face and draws them into her heart.

Just then, there's a knock at the door. Tav doesn't move to answer it yet, searching Gale's face for any minute reaction. “Do you want me to tell him to wait? I need to make sure you're in the right headspace before he comes in.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm okay. I'm ready. I’ll let him in.” Gale places a kiss on Tav’s forehead and glides over to the door. When he opens it and sees the calm and patient smile on the elf’s face, Tav notices how the tension dissolves from his body.

“Gale! You look well!” Halsin claps a hand on Gale’s shoulder and gives him a reassuring squeeze. A grin spreads across the wizard’s face as his body remembers how calm he tends to feel in Halsin’s presence. There's something about the other man that makes Gale feel secure and cared for, which helps many of his worries dissipate.

“As do you, my friend,” Gale greets him and steps aside to let him stride into the room. Halsin approaches Tav, and Gale is surprised that the look of joy and reverence on her face does not spur jealousy but instead spreads warmth through his chest. He adores being on the receiving end of such a look, and he is glad to find that he loves it all the same no matter who brought that look to her face.

Halsin towers over Tav, resting the heel of his hand on her collarbone so that his fingers brush the side of her neck and his thumb can trace the shape of her jaw. “My heart,” he purrs, locking eyes with her as if gazing into her very soul.

She presses her palm against his chest and feels his heart beating strongly beneath her touch. She’s always amazed how he can remain so calm in the face of anything, so in tune with his own body that his control never seems to falter. Her eyes drift closed and he kisses her forehead, unknowingly mirroring the movements of her other lover moments ago.

“My bear.” She melts into him as he caresses the nape of her neck.

Gale watches them from the other side of the room and begins to feel a twinge of something in his gut. They look so happy and he can’t help but notice the way their bodies fit so well together and how natural their every movement looks. He sighs, lost in thought as his mind begins to drift toward the pattern of worry that had plagued him earlier. He’s sure that he wants to do this – wants to give Tav and Halsin a chance to let their intimacy blossom – but he can’t stop the complicated feelings swirling through him like smoke from smoldering embers.

Gale moves past them to make himself comfortable in the overstuffed armchair across from the bed. His arms rest awkwardly at his sides as he watches Halsin’s mouth cover Tav’s. She groans into the kiss, pressing herself firmly into the elf’s hold. Gale’s stirring anxieties and jealousies are interrupted by the slightest twitch of interest from his cock when he sees Halsin’s large hand spread across her ass and press her pelvis into his.

When Tav pulls away from the kiss, eyelids heavy and cheeks flushed, she lets out a deep sigh. The look of longing on Halsin's face is intoxicating and she can't believe that it's for her. She smiles up at him, arousal stirring deep within her. Before she gets lost in him, she knows she must check in with her wizard.

She pats Halsin’s chest once before setting her sights on Gale, biting her lip in an attempt to stop her from overthinking. Crawling into Gale’s lap, she puts her knees on either side of his hips and drapes her arms around his neck. Her eyes bounce back and forth between his before dotting a kiss to the tip of his nose. “Are you sure that you want this?” she asks. She can see him chewing on the inside of his cheek. “There's still time to change your mind.”

The nervousness on his face softens a bit as he does his best to read the look his partner is giving him. “I do want this, Tav. I want you to have fun.” He smiles.

“I want you to enjoy it too, though.” She twirls a strand of his hair around her finger as she scans his face for signs of discomfort.

“I will. I get to watch two of my favorite people get lost in each other in a way they haven't before.” His hands rest against her ribs, his thumbs rubbing against the fabric of her shirt in reassurance.

As she leans in close, her breath tickling the shell of his ear, he can’t resist moving his hands down to settle on her hips.

“Are you sure you just want to watch?” She nips at his earlobe and his fingers reflexively dig into her sides. She grins when she feels him begin to harden against her inner thigh, and Gale swallows heavily but nods.

“For now, yes.” She pulls back just far enough to catch his gaze and strokes her thumb across his cheekbone. He does his best to convey sincerity in his smile, his gaze refusing to waver.

“If at any point you change your mind, don’t hesitate to jump in.” She smirks. Tav scrapes her fingernails along the stubble of his beard on the underside of his jaw as she stands up, reveling in the blown pupils that stare up at her. She feels a hand snake around her waist and warmth envelop her as Halsin steps up behind her. He sets his chin on Tav’s shoulder and gazes down at the other man with a look that Gale can't quite place.

“Yes, please join in the fun if you feel at all inclined.” Halsin’s low, husky tone sends a shiver through Tav and to her core, but Gale feels it too. He can’t deny the way the sensual quality of Halsin’s voice affects him. Gale's eyes shift between their eager faces, and he nods.

“I certainly will, should the desire arise.” His smile is soft and genuine despite the nerves bubbling beneath the surface. Gale places his hand over Halsin’s on Tav’s hip and the two men share an understanding and intimate look.

Halsin pulls Tav back against him and begins peppering open-mouthed kisses all over her neck and shoulder. She strokes her thumb lovingly over the back of Gale’s hand as she feels herself melt into the elf’s hold. Arousal already blooming in her center, she spins in his arms and tangles her fingers into Halsin’s luscious locks. She crashes her lips against his with force. He takes short steps backwards toward the bed, dragging Tav along with him, his long fingers splayed across her lower back. Tav moans as she feels Halsin’s erection growing harder, chasing his pelvis with hers. He plops down onto the bed and pulls her immediately into his lap.

Gale’s eyes flit over the two of them and to each spot where their bodies touch, his mind attempting to process and catalogue all of the thoughts and sensations that run through him. Just moments ago, it had been his lap that she ground herself into. He could still feel the lingering warmth of her where she had pressed herself into him, and his fingers flex in response as if grabbing onto her. Watching Halsin’s mouth latch onto her throat, Gale groans at the sound that escapes her lips. His cock is more insistently calling for his attention, but he wants to wait until his head is on straight before addressing it.

Halsin pulls Tav’s top over her head and growls at the sight of her bare breasts hanging heavily in front of his face. His teeth skate across the skin of her chest and he sucks a nipple into his mouth, causing her to throw her head back in pleasure. Gale’s eyes darken as Halsin kneads her other breast roughly and she drags her clothed core over the large bulge in the front of his pants.

After a few moments of heavy petting, Halsin suddenly stands up, forcing Tav upright with him, and turns them around so that he can push her backwards onto the bed. She lays back and watches him through her lashes as he undoes the laces on her bottoms and pulls them off of her. Gale can’t help but groan as he sees her wetness glistening deliciously in the dim light when her thighs drift apart for the elf.

“My dear magic man, I have no idea how you ever leave that tower of yours when you have a woman this delectable in your bed.” Tav’s breath catches in her throat as Halsin gently caresses her bare thighs with his calloused fingers. He kneads the soft, supple skin there, licking his lips at the sight of her spread out before him. Eager to feel her skin against his, Halsin strips himself bare without much fanfare. Before he does anything more, he turns to address the man across the room: “What do you think, Gale, should I give her my tongue or my fingers first?”

Another groan escapes Gale’s lips and he presses the heel of his hand down into his growing erection, trying to relieve some of the tension and overcome the arousal that threatens to overtake him. “She prefers– t-tongue,” he answers, his voice nearly failing him.

When Halsin suddenly drops to his knees at the end of the bed, pulls Tav to the edge, and slides his tongue through her folds from hole to clit, Gale stops fighting the temptation and shoves his hand in his trousers to wrap around his needy cock. He knows how sweet she tastes and finds he loves getting to watch Halsin finally experience what he's long fantasized about.

Tav gasps at the immense pleasure of her lover’s practiced tongue as Halsin continues to work her over. He presses his face into her cunt like he'll never be able to get enough and sucks her clit into his mouth. It feels so good that she could pen sonnets, if only her brain were able to form words.

Her breaths come shallow and quick as he flicks the tip of his tongue over her sensitive bud, and Gale’s fist tightens painfully around his cock, still resisting the urge to stroke himself. He had expected it to eat him alive to see the love of his life squirming in pleasure on someone else's tongue, but he finds that he relishes taking notice of all of Tav’s subtle, delicious reactions to the way Halsin devours her.

Halsin hums and looks up at Tav from between her legs. Her eyelids are heavy and her mouth hangs open, unable to focus on anything but the delectable onslaught between her thighs. “How’s our wizard doing?” he asks her as his pointer finger teases around her slick entrance. He continues to lap at her wetness with his flattened tongue, but his eyes are watching her face. Her head lolls to the side, she looks over at Gale, and her breath catches at the sight of him.

Gale’s face is flushed, redness spread across his cheekbones, and his jaw is clenched. While one hand is shoved deep into his pants, shaking as he tries to hold back from pleasing himself, the other is balled up tightly against his thigh. He looks like he's halfway to being drunk but still wound so tight that he could easily snap.

“Good,” Gale answers before Tav can, his voice tight. Halsin glances his way and finally notices the way Gale is restraining himself. While holding eye contact with the other man, Halsin thrusts two fingers into Tav in one quick, smooth motion. Gale sees her body tense at the surprise of the pleasant intrusion and a shudder runs through him.

“You like what you see?” the druid asks, cocking an eyebrow. Gale nods and pink flushes up his neck and to his ears. Halsin flashes him a smile. “You don't have to hold back, you know.” Gale looks between them, assessing. “Even if you don't join us physically, we want you to be a part of things.” Gale is so turned on but his skin prickles with self-consciousness as their attention is directed at him. Tav props herself up on her elbows to get a better look while Halsin continues to stretch her open with his thick digits.

“Can I at least see what you're doing over there, my love?” Her mouth is agape from the pleasure coursing through her. Her words paired with the blissed-out, eager look on her face is enough to give Gale the confidence he needs to make himself more comfortable.

Tav watches, enraptured, as he stands from the chair and begins to remove his clothes. Despite his shyness, with two gorgeous sets of eyes on him, he takes his sweet time unbuttoning his shirt. The way neither of them can take their eyes off of every sliver of skin he reveals has him feeling powerful in ways he never expected.

As the fabric of his shirt pools on the floor at his feet, his fingers move to the laces on the front of his trousers. After they're unlaced, he slips his thumbs into the waistband and pauses as if considering his next move. Tav licks her lips in anticipation and Gale shoots her a small smirk before shucking them off in one motion. His aching cock springs free and stands at attention, though he suddenly feels a bit vulnerable and overexposed.

Tav notices the shift in his expression and sits up, ready to go to him, but Halsin speaks first. “Oak Father preserve me…” he sighs. “Aren't you a sight to behold?” Gale blushes at the praise and Tav settles back again, smiling at the way a flush of pink blooms through his chest. “Will you come over here so I can get a better look at you?”

Gale nods shyly and takes a few steps to approach where Halsin is crouched next to the bed. His eyes scan the scene before him: the light sheen of sweat glimmering on Halsin's skin, the slick wetness covering the fingers of his right hand where they pump in and out of Tav, and the thick heavy cock that juts out between Halsin's tree trunk thighs.

Gale's never been with a man before, but he thinks that if he'd met more men like Halsin, that may not have been the case. He salivates wondering what it might taste like to have the druid on his tongue. Would he be sweet and tangy like Tav? Wet and earthy like the forest after a rain shower? He longs to find out but isn't quite sure if he's ready yet. Feeling brave, he reaches out to brush a sweaty piece of hair off Halsin's forehead and the larger man brushes a kiss against the inside of Gale's wrist.

Gale turns his head toward Tav in an attempt to hide his blush from the man who caused it. She gives him a soft, encouraging smile but he's distracted by the continued movement of Halsin's fingers. Gale watches how they curl and rub inside of Tav and he reaches out to draw circles around her clit with his thumb.

“It's awfully difficult to look but not touch,” Gale explains, and Halsin chuckles.

“I know what you mean… Just look at the state of you.” Halsin nods to where Gale's cock twitches in delight, a bead of arousal escaping from the tip.

Gale feels like his brain short-circuits as it floods with images of the elf’s hands all over him. He wants it, wants it so bad he can hardly think of anything else, but the analytical side of his brain is whirring away, trying to figure out what it all means.

“You– you can touch me,” Gale whispers. Tav clenches around Halsin's fingers in anticipation and surprise, and she lets out a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

“Are you sure, Gale? It's only enjoyable if you really want it.” Halsin looks up at the wizard and attempts to read the look on his face. Gale looks nervous and pent up beyond belief, and Halsin knows he has to be prepared for a sudden change of heart. He won't deny the man what he wants, he'll simply make the environment as comfortable and conducive to experimentation as he can.

“I want you to touch me.” Gale pulls his hand away from Tav and sets it on Halsin's shoulder for stability. Halsin nods with a smile.

Halsin scissors his fingers inside Tav to coat them in her slick before he pulls them out of her. Gale watches his every movement and his throat tightens as he sees Halsin's hand, covered in her juices, moving in his direction. His eyes grow wide as he realizes what Halsin is going to do right before Halsin wraps his lubricated hand around Gale's shaft.

The warmth and wetness is overwhelming and Gale goes rigid. It feels so good and yet so foreign to have Halsin's hand on him that he's worried he might explode. His eyes slam closed and his grip on the elf’s shoulder tightens until his fingernails threaten to break skin as Halsin slowly strokes Gale's cock.

But it's too much.

He isn't ready. He wants to backtrack.

Halsin immediately picks up on the shift in Gale's demeanor and pulls his hand away.

“I'm sorry, I–” Gale stammers and Halsin pats his hip in reassurance. Tav sits up and takes one of Gale's hands in hers.

“There is no need for apologies,” Halsin replies, “It was too much too fast.” Gale nods and refuses to look at either of them, his cheeks burning with embarrassment.

“We can stop,” Tav adds, pressing a kiss to Gale's palm. He jerks his head to look at her.

“No! No, don't stop. I merely bit off more than I could chew for a moment, but please continue. I only need a moment, and then I want to watch you unravel for him.” Gale's eyes darken as he looks between the other two and Halsin’s cock throbs at his words.

“Then let's take a moment to ground ourselves and breathe,” Halsin suggests. He rests one hand on Tav’s thigh and the other hangs at his side, wanting to comfort Gale but not wanting to overwhelm him.

Tav’s fingertips delicately trace over the lines traversing Gale's palm. Gale closes his eyes and focuses only on her calming touch and his breathing. His other hand still rests on Halsin's shoulder, giving him a sense of stability. He finds himself wanting a comforting touch from the elf as well, but doesn't trust his body's reaction to the sensation.

As the three of them sit in silence, a tangle of soft intimate touches, Gale's breathing begins to slow. He tunes out the worries and focuses on the connection that he feels between them. Opening his eyes, he catches Tav’s gaze and a soft smile tugs at his lips. His thumb rubs over Halsin's shoulder before he moves it to cradle Tav’s face. Gale presses his forehead to hers and they melt into each other for a moment.

“I love you,” Gale murmurs. His lips find hers for a soft, lingering kiss that manages to communicate a sense of both trust and longing.

“I love you,” Tav replies. Foreheads pressed together, they stare into each other's eyes for a moment and take it all in.

Gale presses his mouth to hers again, gentle and chaste, before he turns back to Halsin. “Show her just what a powerful archdruid is capable of.” He shoots the other man a wink, claps him on the back, and starts to pad over to his chair.

“As you wish,” Halsin growls and presses his face into the junction of Tav’s thighs. She yelps in surprise as his tongue plunges between her folds, and she grabs the elf’s hair for support. Halsin wastes no time shoving three fingers into her tight, dripping pussy and her hips jerk against his face. His assault is relentless and she knows she won't last long as he fills her with his fingers and worships her clit with his tongue.

Gale groans at the delightful sounds that spill from her throat as he watches Tav squirm. A loud squelching fills the room as Halsin fucks her with his thick fingers. She's babbling, hardly able to string coherent sounds together, as the nerves throughout her body thrum with pleasure. As he alternates between open-mouthed kisses to her vulva and his tongue frantically flicking over her aching clit, he curls his fingers back toward himself inside her to rub harshly over the spot that makes her see stars. Her knees nearly give out as the dam suddenly breaks and she's coming.

A broken sob escapes from Tav as her whole body curls inward and her walls spasm around Halsin's fingers. Her juices spill over his chin and his hand and he just can't get enough. She's so wet and so sweet that it may as well be honey that gushes over his tongue as he laps up everything she gives him.

Gale's cock leaks as he watches the larger man nearly drown in the ecstasy that flows from Tav, and he digs his fingertips into the arms of the chair in an attempt to maintain his composure. As much as he wants to touch and be touched, he finds he takes immense pleasure in watching her fall apart. His favorite part of being intimate with Tav is getting to witness the way her composure crumbles when she's reached a certain point. In most areas of her life, she's so put together and eloquent that it's a special privilege to see her in such a raw state when she's hardly more than a babbling mess.

The sounds Halsin makes are animalistic as he works Tav through her climax. He's so engulfed in her that he thinks he'd crawl inside her if he could, just to feel her over every inch of him. When she gets too sensitive to handle his mouth on her anymore, she tugs on his hair to drag him back up to his feet. Immediately, his mouth is on hers as he guides her back toward the bed.

Something in Halsin has snapped and his gentle, loving caresses have been replaced with raw, primal need. Tasting herself on his lips and tongue does something similar to Tav and her hands are everywhere, needing to map every inch of him.

She pants hard, trying to catch her breath from an intense orgasm, as his body covers hers on the bed. His fingers tangle in her hair and he grips tightly, desperate to hold her close. His mouth moves from her lips to her jaw to her neck, kissing and sucking at every spot of skin in his reach. Her fingertips dig into his back, trying impossibly to bring him closer to her. She needs to touch him, taste him, feel him, but it's not enough.

Tav reaches between Halsin's legs and wraps her hand around his aching cock. Halsin growls at the sensation, his face buried in her neck. His hips thrust forward on their own accord, seeking more as she grips him and slides her soft palm over his sensitive shaft.

“Need to be inside you,” Halsin grunts, his careful composure gone for the moment.

“Please,” Tav whines, begging for him to fill her.

Gale spits into his hand, deciding that he'll give in and stroke himself at the moment Halsin's beautiful cock sinks into the tight wetness of Tav’s pussy.

Tav moves to guide Halsin to her center but she doesn't move fast enough for the desperate elf, so he reaches between them to grip himself tightly and line himself up with her hole, coating the head in her slick. He looks into her eyes, about to ask for confirmation, but she nods frantically and wraps her legs around the backs of his thighs, drawing him in.

The world melts around Halsin for a moment as he plunges into the depths of pleasure. Her warm wetness engulfs him and his senses, blocking out any coherent thought. Driven by primal instinct, he begins to thrust into her hard and fast.

Gale grips his desperate cock and imagines that it's Tav’s cunt squeezing him rather than his own spit-soaked hand. He matches his strokes to the rhythm of Halsin's thrusts and it feels like a thunderstorm is brewing under his skin. He watches the giant elf’s broad, sweaty body as his thick cock impales the woman Gale loves. All uncertainty leaves him when he sees the look of ecstasy and desperation on her face – Gale knows what she needs and he revels in the gasps and whimpers she makes as she gets it.

Tav grips Halsin’s hair in a tight fist, digs the fingernails of her left hand into the meat of his tricep, and cries out at the slight sting and immense pleasure of her overfilled cunt taking everything it’s given. She’s chanting fuck , and please , and yes over and over as Halsin pounds into her.

He’s so close, unable to handle much more as his nerves crackle at the energy between them. His heart is pounding so hard he can hear the blood rushing in his ears alongside the sound of flesh striking flesh and the wet suction of Tav’s cunt trying to hold him deep inside.

Between heavy breaths, Halsin groans, “Gonna come – Where?” Gale’s hand is moving frantically up and down his cock, adding his own slapping sounds to the mix, as he hurtles toward his own climax. He can't stop watching the way Halsin's length disappears inside her as her walls grip him.

“Inside me!” Tav cries out and the desperate desire in her voice pushes both Gale and Halsin over the edge. Halsin shoves himself as deep into her depths as he can, and he paints her insides with his seed. At the same moment, Gale’s balls tighten and his hand stills as ropes of come spurt from his cock to paint his abdomen.

The sensation of Halsin’s cock pulsing and filling her sends Tav into her second climax as she spasms dramatically around him. Her cunt squeezes him tight, milking every drop it can get from him. Tav’s thighs quiver and her body shakes under him as the waves of pleasure course through her and come out of her mouth as wanton moans.

Gale's head drops back against the back of the chair as he tries to catch his breath. He holds his slowly-softening manhood and tries not to think about the mess he's made of his lap.

Halsin peppers kisses all over Tav’s face and chest as she comes down from her high, and once she catches her breath, she loosens her grip on his hair and kisses him passionately. They're both sweaty and flushed and a bit sore, but they're lost in each other for a short while. She pushes back the hair plastered to Halsin's forehead and he looks at her with such love and adoration that her heart could burst. After a few long moments drinking each other in, Halsin looks over at Gale before turning back to Tav.

“Let me go check on Gale, my heart.” The druid strokes her cheek and places a quick kiss to the corner of her dopey smile. She nods and allows her limbs to fall to the bed like dead weight, letting the normal sensations slowly return back to her body.

Gale lifts his head and watches as Halsin pulls out of her with a wince and stands. He looks at Gale with softness and a touch of mischief in his eyes as he approaches. Halsin stands over the other man and assesses the scene in front of him: his flushed cheeks, his chest glistening with sweat, the sticky mess clinging to his skin.

Gale's cheeks burn as he mistakes the look in Halsin's eyes for judgment rather than interest. “I seem to have made a bit of a mess of myself,” he tells the elf with a self-conscious chuckle.

“That you have,” Halsin hums. “Is that why you blush, handsome wizard?” Gale looks down at the floor, avoiding Halsin's gaze. There are so many thoughts and feelings going through his head and he can’t quite grasp how to process or articulate them. Halsin puts a finger under Gale's chin and tips his face so that he looks up at him. “Are you embarrassed to have enjoyed yourself?” Gale swallows heavily.

Tav is tempted to listen to their conversation but stays out of it, happily giving them as much privacy as she can without moving. Her eyelids are getting heavy, and she can feel sleep call to her.

“Perhaps.” Gale's voice is quiet and he picks at a loose thread on the arm of the chair.

“Oh, Gale,” Halsin says. “You don't have anything to be embarrassed about.” This gets Gale to look up to him, though he looks incredulous.

“Don't I? Aren't I supposed to feel possessive over my partner? What kind of man am I to get pleasure from watching her be taken and claimed by another? Shouldn't I feel discomfort? Shouldn’t I want to intervene?” His mind is racing and the words are spilling out before he can filter them. Insecurities from his past begin to bubble up and, though he tries, he can’t cast them aside anymore.

Halsin smiles gently. “It would seem that you're the kind of man who enjoys seeing your love be happy and fulfilled. Did you feel discomfort?”

Gale pauses before answering, carefully considering and taking inventory of his mind. “I did feel discomfort at first, when I was thinking about it. I was worried about how I’d react once things started happening. I know that no matter how much you mentally prepare for something, you can never truly know what you’ll do until you’re in the situation. However, once you were here and it was real, I felt much calmer. I couldn’t help but to get aroused and that overrode my thinking, which allowed me to enjoy the experience and lean into the pleasure.” Halsin mulls over Gale’s words, contemplating their meaning. He knows that ultimately, Gale’s philosophies and morals come from very different sources from his own, and he takes that into consideration as he ponders how to frame his response.

“I believe that nature itself gave us the capability to be complex and ever-changing beings, and that includes every facet of our sexuality. Whether we’re monogamous or opposed to it, or somewhere in between, is deeply personal and potentially dynamic. It’s natural to fall anywhere on that spectrum, and it’s natural for your needs and wants to shift based on circumstances. If you enjoyed yourself, and everyone involved both fully consented and enjoyed themselves, why should there be shame? What purpose would that shame serve?”

Gale sits in silence for a moment as he processes. He thinks deeply, his thoughts branching off into a thousand different directions as he tries to break it down like any other intellectual endeavor. Some parts are quick to click into place in his mind, while others are more difficult to understand and internalize. “I can concede that you make some very good points, but I have to wonder about others. In the past, with Mystra, she sought other lovers and I did not enjoy that in the slightest. Why would that be different now? Could the difference be that I somehow love Tav less than I did Mystra? That I feel less afraid to lose her and thus am less emotionally reactive?”

Halsin can’t help but chuckle that someone with such an immense breadth of knowledge can be so disconnected from the inner workings of his own mind. “Oh, Gale. You wizards certainly do enjoy overcomplicating things, don't you? Could it not instead mean that you’re less afraid to lose her because you feel secure in your relationship with Tav, whereas with Mystra you did not?”

Gale ponders that, his mind running through the different instances when Mystra found pleasure in the arms of another and comparing them to the instances when he'd discussed the same with Tav. “With Mystra, it wasn't a conversation or a choice. She told me that was how it was going to be and who was I to argue with my goddess? Her word was final and if I wanted to be with her, I had to find a way to deal with her decisions on my own–”

“I think you know that's not how a partnership is meant to be.” Halsin’s response is curt and leaves little room for argument, which manages to trigger Gale’s deep-seeded reflex to defend Mystra. He stops himself, however, as he recognizes what is happening and it surprises him.

“I suppose intellectually, I do.” Gale sighs and continues, “Things with Mystra were also different in that I was not allowed the same courtesy. While I may not have wanted to be with anyone other than her, the fact of the matter is that I would have never been allowed to be. That is, as you’re well aware, not the case with Tav.”

“Indeed, and I think those differences are enough to make this an entirely different situation. Do you?”

Gale takes in Halsin’s words and the comforting, understanding look in his eyes, and he nods. He respects the druid’s judgment, knowing it comes from many years of experience. The way he’s explained it allows the rational side of Gale’s brain to connect with the emotional side. Halsin knows what he’s talking about.

“Is there someone else you'd like to be with now, Gale?” Halsin asks tentatively.

Gale sucks in a sharp breath and looks back up at Halsin. He’s somehow surprised that the conversation has taken this turn and, despite everything he’s just bared to the other man, he tries to steel himself against the impulse to hide or deflect. He shies away from the feeling of Halsin gazing into his soul and closes his eyes before answering, “I– I’d like to be with you, Halsin. Or at least give it a try.”

The room is silent for a moment and Gale opens his eyes again. A soft smile spreads across the druid’s face in response as he takes in how open and exposed the wizard looks. Not even taking into account the fact that he’s sitting naked in front of him, the look on Gale's face is one of pure vulnerability. It’s clear that it’s not easy for him to put himself out there like this.

“I had hoped you'd say that, Gale Dekarios.” Halsin caresses the stubble on Gale's jawline with his thumb, basking in the way his eyes sparkle as he looks up at the taller man.

“You did?” Gale’s voice sounds surprised.

“Of course I did,” Halsin chuckles. He crouches down to bring himself to Gale’s level, at least physically, and gazes intently into the man's eyes. “I may have to question your wisdom if you claim to be unaware of my attraction to you.”

Gale can’t help but laugh, blushing furiously but thankful that the other man has lightened the moment. His gentle teasing breaks the tension, much like when Tav does the same. “I suppose I can admit that I've noticed some signals from you.” He glances away, feeling exposed in the intensity of Halsin's gaze, before continuing, “In my defense, you are such an open, comfortable, and confident man that it can be difficult to discern what is genuine interest and what is just you being, well, you.”

He reaches out to touch the larger man but hesitates as he isn’t sure where to start. When Halsin grins, Gale brushes the tip of his thumb over his bottom lip, marveling at how it feels to touch him while the broad elf looks at him with adoration and hunger. His lip is soft and plush, and Gale wants to feel it everywhere. Halsin purses his lips and kisses the pad of Gale’s thumb, causing the human’s breath to catch in his throat. “Kiss me,” Gale whispers.

Of course, Halsin immediately obliges. Before the words are fully out of his mouth, Halsin runs his fingers through Gale's soft waves and presses his palm against the back of his head. Halsin gently guides Gale's face toward his, slow enough to give him plenty of chances to change his mind and pull away, and presses his lips against the lips of the younger man.

Gale kisses him back sweetly and then not-so-sweetly, as his mouth drifts open to allow Halsin to deepen the kiss. His tongue slips over Gale's tongue, massaging the strong muscle. Gale tastes Tav’s juices on Halsin's tongue and it stirs something in him. His hands begin scrabbling for purchase, desperate to get a good grip and pull the elf closer, nearly dragging Halsin into his lap. He hungers for him, eager to explore every nook and cranny of Halsin's mouth with his tongue.

Gale's breathing is ragged as the two men get lost in each other. They move to stand to get closer to one another, and Gale shudders at the way Halsin's hand nearly dwarfs his face when it cups his jaw. The smaller man's fingertips dig into the elf's thick biceps as he fails to resist grinding their hips together.

Halsin's pupils are blown wide as he takes in the uncharacteristic neediness of the wizard. He wants so badly to make the less experienced man feel good, so he slides down to his knees and gazes up at Gale.

Gale lets out another shuddering breath as he attempts to process the scene in front of him: he's seen Tav in this position countless times and it never gets old, but the novelty of seeing a powerful archdruid on his knees for him is nearly overwhelming.

“May I?” Halsin asks softly after what feels like ages. Unable to trust his voice, Gale meekly nods.

Halsin runs his hands up Gale's thighs, callused fingers catching on the soft hair there, and places a single kiss on Gale's pelvic crest. He looks up at the brunette to gauge his reaction and the reverent look on his face encourages Halsin to continue. He leaves gentle pecks across Gale's soft belly, undeterred by the partially-dry spendings that coat his skin. Halsin drags his tongue across a particularly bountiful river of Gale’s spend before sucking it into his mouth, delighting in the taste of his essence. He continues to suck at the skin there, leaving a mark on the flesh, just a hair west of where Gale needs his mouth the most. Gale’s wound so tightly that Halsin can feel the tension where he touches him as he continues to place teasing kisses across the wizard’s navel and groin.

“Please,” Gale whines and Halsin’s cock jumps at the sound. The elf’s mouth hovers over the other man’s length, his hot breath caressing Gale’s hardness. The man’s hands rest on Halsin’s shoulders but clench into fists as he tries to resist pulling Halsin’s face closer.

Prolonging the torture, Halsin’s hands dance across Gale’s skin until they settle over his hips. Halsin locks eyes with Gale, smirking, and just as the desperate man is about to beg him to do something, anything , he slips Gale’s aching cock into his mouth in one fluid motion. The tension in Gale’s muscles doubles as his senses are overloaded with pleasure. Halsin’s mouth is hot and wet as he sucks Gale down until his nose is pressed into Gale’s coarse brown curls. The wizard’s legs nearly give out as his body begins to relax in response to the chorus of wondrous sensations.

Gale lets out a stream of curses under his breath as Halsin’s mouth begins to move over him. His tongue slides along the underside of Gale’s cock and the less experienced man can’t help but tangle his fingers into the druid’s long hair. He begins babbling, narrating the sensations he’s feeling and heaping praise onto the kneeling man, when he sees Tav stir out of the corner of his eye. Not wanting to wake her, he digs his front teeth into his lip to keep his voice at bay, but the monologue of nonsense continues to run through his head.

Halsin bobs his head, licking and sucking Gale like a man starved, and Gale’s hips begin moving on their own accord. He takes everything Gale is willing to give him as he works the wizard over, and he doesn’t even flinch when Gale suddenly thrusts forward, tenses, and spurts come down his throat. The elf slows his movements, greedily swallowing every drop that the other man releases and working Gale through his peak.

As Gale becomes to sensitive to handle the sensation anymore, Halsin pulls his mouth off of him but otherwise makes no attempt to move from his position. Gale breathes deeply, grounding himself by running his fingers through the druid’s soft yet tangled hair. Halsin moves to stand, caressing Gale’s sides as he does so. The room quiet around them, they stand in comfortable silence for a few moments and just breathe. Gale’s fingers are still in Halsin’s hair, Halsin’s hands rest on Gale’s hips as if stabilizing him, and they gaze into each other’s eyes. Gale doesn’t know what to say, simultaneously wanting to process everything and not wanting his mind to drift away from the current moment.

“I think it’s time to get some rest,” Halsin suggests.

“But what about you? Do you want me to return the favor?” Gale asks, his mind suddenly trying to fill in his understanding of the expected etiquette of the situation. Halsin chuckles and strokes the wizard’s cheek.

“We can save that for next time. Right now, I think Tav’s got the right idea.” They both glance over to where she lays, nude and sprawled across the bed, only one leg under the covers. An adoring smile creeps over Gale’s face as he watches her shift in her sleep. He turns back to Halsin and his eyes flit over the elf’s face, carefully cataloging every freckle, dimple, and wrinkle.

“Let me get cleaned up and then I’ll join you two,” Gale says, tipping his head in the direction of the bed.

“Will you stay?” Gale’s voice is quiet, but no longer shrouded in uncertainty. Halsin brings his hands up to the wizard’s face and smiles.

“I’d like that.” Halsin presses a gentle kiss to the other man’s lips, and Gale’s surprised at how natural it feels. Gale knows that at some point, likely the next day, his mind will take over and need to analyze every aspect of the situation, but for the moment, he feels safe and desired and loved.

Halsin smiles and caresses Gale's jaw with his thumbs. “Take your time, we’ll make sure there’s room for you.”

[weneeya]

not as expected w/ sugawara m.list | rules

note. i had this idea and as my bestie loves suga so much then here we go!! i hope you'll love it too <3 requests are still open!

Sugawara Koushi was a menace to society, even if anyone who didn’t know him was sure that he was the sweetest person on Earth. He was adorable and caring, obviously, but he was mostly a tease who liked to annoy his poor friends ; and you were no exception to this fact. 

You were in third year, just like him. At first, you met Daichi because you were in the same class as him, and soon you met the rest of them from the volleyball club. You weren’t an official member, but you were spending so much time there that it was almost like it. You were helping Kiyoko and now Yachi as much as you could. 

This year was special, because it was the last chance for the third years to finally go to the Nationals. It was their last opportunity, but you were sure that they could do it ; especially with the first years that joined the club. 

You were talking with Kiyoko when she left you alone to go say something at Nishinoya and Tanaka. It didn’t last long though, as Sugawara quickly approached you with his usual smirk. “Scared that we’ll lose?” He said, and you almost jumped because you didn’t see him arrive. You turned your face to look at him, before rolling your eyes.

“Never. I know you can do it,” you started, and it made Suga giggled slightly. You punched his shoulder a little, and it made a fake offended face. “It’s not what I heard.” You glanced at him with a little frown. Was he listening to your conversation with Kiyoko? This little…

“You know, it could be private.” You told him, and he simply shrugged his shoulders like it was nothing. He looked back at you with a smile, clearly amused by the situation. “Don’t worry too much, we’re gonna win, trust me!” He said with a proud smile, and it made you look away. 

It caught him off guard, because it wasn’t your type at all. But it was nothing next to what he saw on your face. Your cheeks, they were burning slightly, and it made him blink a few times. You were blushing, because of him. He was trying to process the situation when he heard your voice. “I always trust you,” you said almost in a whisper, and he felt his ears burning at your words. 

He stayed silent for a few moments, not able to think straight anymore. Especially not when you turned your eyes to look at him with this adorable expression on your face. He had some difficulties to swallow, his eyes blinking slowly like there was nothing in his head. Except that his mind was running fast. 

“God. You’re so adorable,” he said in a low tone, his eyes locked into your gaze. Your eyes widened and you quickly turned away from him, hiding your face from his gaze. It was an overwhelming feeling but it wasn’t so bad at the same time. You cleared your throat, before you fell his hands on your shoulders, making you turn to him once again. 

“Sorry, I couldn’t keep it for myself. You really are so pretty right now.” He said with a smile, chuckling a little. You were sure that your heart was going to jump out of your chest, and you must look like a real tomato right now. He wasn’t helping you calm down at all, but maybe it was on purpose. He leaned over you, leaving a small kiss on your cheek. “You can trust me,’ was the only thing he said before laughing softly. You pushed him a little, but you couldn’t help the gentle smile that appeared at the corner of your lips. 

Maybe it was their last year here, yes, but you were more than sure that everything was going to be fine.

thank you!!

[xomakara]

Love Me Now

SUMMARY | Jeno just wants to love you. PAIRING | Jeno/Reader GENRE | smut with no plot, unprotected sex (wrap it up everyone!), fingering, vaginal sex, shower sex RATING | Mature LENGTH | 4763 words AUTHOR’S NOTE | Finally a solo one for Jeno. I’m literally running out of plots haha

"Please..." You were backed against the wall, your hands in front of you to stop his advances.

"I can't take it anymore." He leaned into you again, pinning one of your wrists up against the wall with one hand. His other hand moved to your face and he softly ran his thumb over your bottom lip. "Do you really want me to stop, Y/N?"

Your heart raced and there was a thin film of sweat covering your body as he kissed you. You couldn't remember ever wanting anyone this badly before.

"Jeno..." You whispered his name, reaching up to push his chest but he stopped you by running his finger from your temple to your jawline.

"Just what have you done to me, Princess?" Jeno whispered, leaning forward and biting your lower lip gently before nipping at it.

You wanted him so badly that you ached, feeling lightheaded and breathless as he continued his onslaught on your mouth. All you could think about was the feel of his tongue in your mouth, his strong hands on your waist.

He pulled away slowly, looking at you with a lustful glint in his eyes. "Y/N..." He breathed. "Will you give me permission to touch you?"

"Jeno...I-" Your mind couldn't even process what he had asked you.

His eyes dropped to your lips. "Yes?"

You bit your lip. He lowered his head and your eyes closed voluntarily when he pressed a soft kiss against your lips. It wasn't quite enough, not nearly enough to satisfy you. The words hung heavy in the air between you both as you stood staring at each other. He ran his hand down your back, his fingers trailing lightly along your spine until he reached the small of your back.

"Jeno..." You murmured, still trying to wrap your head around what was happening. "What if the others saw us? What would they think?"

He laughed under his breath. "What would it matter if you and I got caught?"

You opened your mouth to respond but nothing came out.

"Y/N..." He whispered, bringing his lips close to yours again. "Tell me yes or no."

You blinked once, twice and then again. There was nothing left in your brain except an overwhelming need to feel his lips on yours again. You didn't hesitate; you only knew you wanted to kiss him back. Your hand slipped behind his neck and brought him closer to you as you wrapped your arms around his neck. His lips met yours, stealing your breath and robbing you of all reason.

It was just him, you and that moment in time. That one precious second where everything seemed right. When it felt like the whole world was spinning at a hundred miles per hour, you found your footing and everything made sense again. Everything fell into place, in the most perfect way possible.

"No...no more playing games." He said softly. He lifted your chin so you looked directly at him. "I don't care who catches us."

You nodded, not saying anything. He trailed a gentle line down your cheek with his thumb and then slid his hand to cup your face. His eyes locked with yours. "Is that a 'yes'?"

You smiled and shook your head. "Not yet."

He chuckled, making you smile wider as he brought his lips to your forehead. "Alright then..."

You pushed against his chest and tried to break free but his grip tightened. You gave him an exasperated look. "Jeno, we're attracting a crowd here."

He laughed, looking over his shoulder to see his members looking at the both of you. He looked back at you. "It's not like the guys haven't seen us before."

"That's the guys. What about your manager and the stylists?" You huffed. "I was embarrassed the last time your manager caught us kissing. I'll be damned if she sees me getting fucked by you."

He groaned, pressing his forehead against yours as he let you go. "I know...but I can't help myself."

You leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Can you try to wait until after your performance?"

He turned away quickly. "I'll try."

You rolled your eyes. "That means you won't try at all."

He grinned. "I'm gonna make sure you enjoy yourself so much that you forget all about how awkward it was walking in here together."

"Oh god..." You shuddered at the thought. "I'd rather not do that."

"Aw, Y/N." He whined, looking away. "If you'd rather wait, we can always go somewhere else. Home, perhaps?"

You slapped his arm. "You can wait, Lee Jeno. A few hours of no sex, won't kill you. Besides, you'll get some attention from the fans tonight."

He snorted. "But they're not you...it won't be the same."

"Stop whining, baby. We've waited this long, what's another couple hours?"

"Ugh...fine." He sighed dramatically. "I'll wait."

"Good." You smiled, leaning in to kiss his cheek again. "Now, I need you to stop being so damn irresistible. You're making it difficult for me to say no."

You waved at the rest of the NCT Dream members and the staff as you and Jeno headed out the doors to your car. You were tired and worn out from the events of the day. All you wanted to do now was go home and crawl into bed. The past couple days had been exhausting, both mentally and physically. If it weren't for Jeno constantly distracting you, you probably would have collapsed in a heap somewhere.

You and Jeno rode in silence, but you couldn't help but notice his hand was inching closer to your knee every few seconds. Every time you moved it away from you, he only pulled it back to try again. If only you weren't the one driving, you wouldn't have minded his touching you in any way, shape or form. You noticed he finally stopped moving his hand after a while. Thank god because the nerves running through your body were getting too intense. It was hard to concentrate on the road when he kept moving his hand closer to you.

"When we get home, I'm locking you in the bedroom and you're never leaving it." You muttered, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Sounds good to me." He smirked, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms across his chest.

You sighed. "You're incorrigible, Lee Jeno."

"Whose fault is that?" He pouted.

You glared at him. "Don't start that shit."

He chuckled. "Did I start something?"

"Yup." You grinned evilly. "Incorrigible, indeed."

He licked his lips. "Am I wrong?"

You glared at him again. "I hate you."

"So sexy." He purred, closing his eyes as he leaned in closer to you. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to control myself when you're sitting there looking all sexy and stuff?"

You blushed as he rubbed your thigh gently.

"Fuck, you're killing me here." He growled, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger. "Y/N..."

"Can you not pop a boner until we get home? Please?"

"I promise." He grinned devilishly, licking his lips. "As soon as we get inside though, you better not try to resist."

You rolled your eyes. "Why are you such a freak?"

"Don't hate the player, babe." He shrugged. "Just love the game."

"I can't believe you're taking that quote literally." You mumbled, shaking your head.

He snickered, pressing a soft kiss against your temple. "I'd love to hear you complain when you're enjoying it too much."

"Ew." You grimaced. "Now stop it so I can get us home, you little perv."

He groaned, releasing your leg from his grasp and shifting in his seat. "Fine...I'll behave."

"Good." You sighed.

After you parked the car, you grabbed your bag from the trunk. Jeno followed closely behind you, giving you curious looks every few steps. As you walked into your apartment, Jeno closed the door behind him.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Jeno called out as he watched you walk away from him.

"Shower first, you perv." You giggled, heading towards your bedroom. "Then we'll see."

You stepped into the bathroom, turning on the shower as you stripped off your clothes. After stepping into the steaming water, you relaxed and closed your eyes. You couldn't remember the last time you took a nice hot shower, usually showers for you consisted of quick rinses or soaking under the tap for several minutes. Not today though. Today you were indulging in a nice long shower, letting the hot water wash over your body and clear your mind.

Your eyes still closed, you felt a pair of strong hands pulling you back into the hot spray of water. They cupped your breasts and squeezed gently, massaging your nipples between their fingers. You gasped, arching your back as you pressed your body harder against them.

"Mmm...feels good doesn't it?" You heard a voice murmur against your ear.

"Hm..." You moaned, pressing your hips back against him.

"I told you I'd behave until we get home." Jeno said, chuckling softly as he pressed a kiss against your neck.

"I know." You replied, opening your eyes. "But you're still annoying."

"It's in my nature to annoy you." He responded.

"And it's in your nature to be obnoxious." You retorted.

He hummed against your skin, nuzzling his nose against your collarbone. "Have I ever told you that I love you?"

You froze for a brief second before nodding. "More than once."

He laughed against your skin, sending goosebumps over your body. "Do you love me too?"

"When do I not love you, you big goofball?" You laughed, reaching up to wrap your arms around his neck.

"All the time." He kissed you deeply, sealing his lips to yours.

You sighed, pushing against him as you broke apart from his kiss. "Since we're both in the shower, naked and wet...why don't we take advantage of the situation?"

His eyes lit up and he kissed you deeply once again. "Only if you want to."

"Hmm..." You kissed him back, tasting the tangy taste of his mouth. "I think I do."

He released you from his kiss, resting his forehead against yours. "What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to keep rubbing my breasts." You whispered, tugging on his hair gently. "But I also want you to..."

"Yes?" He breathed against your lips.

"I want you to fuck me." You whispered.

"I've been wanting to fuck you since before my performance." He whispered back, kissing your neck once again.

"Good, because I've been dying to feel you inside of me." You sighed, biting your lip as he continued to massage your breast. "Make me feel that amazing cock of yours inside of me."

"Yes, ma'am." He whispered. "Give me permission and I'll fuck you right now."

"Please?" You asked, running your fingers through his wet hair. "I need you so bad, Lee Jeno."

He sucked your bottom lip into his mouth, nibbling on it gently. "God, you drive me crazy." He murmured against your skin. "How am I supposed to handle myself when you act like this?"

You smiled wickedly, tugging on his hair again. "Because you're strong enough to handle me."

"Why didn't you answer my phone calls last night?" Haechan questioned you the next morning as you both sat at the company's cafe waiting for your drinks.

"You called me last night?" You asked him, taking out your phone from your purse. "Oh shit, you did."

"Did you go cock-crazy because of Jeno, last night? Because that's the only thing that makes sense." Haechan teasingly asked you.

You rolled your eyes. "Why are you guys always so invested in our sex lives?"

"We're all living vicariously through Jeno since he's the only one getting pussy every night." Jaemin answered as he pulled a seat next to Haechan. "Now spill the beans. What happened last night?"

You covered your ears. "I can't hear you! This conversation is for my ears only!"

They both bursted into laughter as you continued covering your ears. Finally, you gave up and looked at each of them individually. "Shower sex...it was fucking fantastic."

"Of course it was fantastic." Jeno pulled out the seat next to you, leaning in and giving you a kiss on the cheek.

"Are we talking about Jeno and Y/N's sexcapades again?" Renjun huffed, placing his order at the counter. "Damn boy, she got you wrapped around her fingers."

"Come on, Renjun. Just because I bang my girlfriend every night, it doesn't mean you can't get some too." Jeno argued. "Besides, I'm a generous lover."

"How generous?" Haechan tilted his head curiously.

"Well..." Jeno leaned in and winked at you. "A little from column A, a little from column B."

The other boys started laughing loudly, making you cover your ears again.

"I hate you all." You groaned.

"No, you love us." Jaemin laughed. "Look, we just want you to be happy. We love seeing you and Jeno together, it's nice seeing the two of you actually dating instead of hooking up."

You exhaled slowly, lowering your hands from your ears. "Okay, that was unexpected. Who are you and what have you done to Jaemin?"

Jaemin raised an eyebrow at you. "Would you rather me say I turned into Batman overnight?"

"Maybe." You laughed. "Though if I saw you walking down the street dressed like him, I might punch you."

"Ouch, but true." He shook his head, smiling. "Anyway, back to my point. I just want you to be happy. So if being with Jeno makes you happy, then so be it."

You nodded slowly, grabbing your drink from the counter. "Thank you, Jaemin."

"Of course." He nodded. "Anytime."

Jeno grabbed your hand as you stood up to leave, intertwining your fingers with his. You smiled and pulled him along after you as you left the cafe. The air outside was cool and refreshing compared to the humid air within the building. It felt wonderful to let your skin breathe again, feeling completely free and not restrained by anything.

"You know, you could just stay inside with me." Jeno suggested, pulling you towards the car.

"And do what, my big hunk of man meat?" You teased him, wrapping your arm around his waist.

"You know exactly what I would do to you." He smirked, winking.

You blushed as he unlocked the car and opened the passenger side door for you. "See, this is why I have to keep you away from my pussy."

He laughed as he shut the door, following you into the vehicle. "If you really wanted to, you could convince me to keep you away from my dick. All you have to do is ask nicely."

"Uh huh, and what would I have to do to you, to make you agree to my request?" You smiled innocently.

"You have to tell me you love me." He smirked, looking at you over his shoulder.

"I love you, you idiot." You laughed, leaning across the center console to plant a kiss on his cheek.

"Babe, do you even know how adorable you look right now?" He chuckled. "You're seriously just the cutest thing ever."

"What are you doing later?" You turned to face him as he started the car, switching the music from the radio station playing to one playing on his phone.

"Nothing, why?" He glanced at you.

"So, you're free tonight?" You asked, grabbing onto his arm tightly.

"Yeah, why?" He questioned.

"Well, there's something I wanna show you." You grinned.

"Oohh, what is it?" He narrowed his eyes, giving you an inquisitive look.

"I think you're gonna like it." You mumbled, keeping your face close to his.

"Mmmm, what if I don't?" He teased, causing you to laugh softly.

"You're such a baby." You laughed. "Just wait and see, okay?"

"Fine, fine. Whatever you want, baby." He sighed, turning on the road.

Jeno dropped you off at the mall since you told him that you wanted to do some shopping. He promised to pick you up in a few hours, so you wandered from store to store, browsing the different options and thinking about what to buy. At first you weren't sure if you should just give in and buy things but when you wandered into the lingerie store, your decision was made for you.

You didn't know what would stir those loins of your boyfriend since he practically loved seeing you in everything. You couldn't resist the temptation, picking up a cute black lace bra and matching panties. You smiled as you thought about what Jeno would think when he found out.

By the time you had walked to almost every clothing store in the mall, you were exhausted. Your legs were sore from walking so much and you needed to sit down for a while. Looking around the mall for somewhere to sit, you noticed a quiet corner near a small cafe. Grabbing your things, you headed towards it, passing by some pretty girls in short skirts and high heels. They seemed very eager to try on new clothes or shoes.

Finally finding a spot to sit down, you placed your bag and jacket down beside you, leaning back against the chair and closing your eyes. You took a deep breath and instantly smelled your boyfriend's cologne. That made you smile as you relaxed, remembering the past few nights spent with him. Your mind drifted to the thought of what you'd do to him later that evening.

"Ready to go, sweetheart?" Jeno asked, breaking your train of thought.

"Sure, let's go." You yawned, standing up from the chair.

Jeno helped you carry your bags out of the mall, stopping at a restaurant on the way home. After eating dinner, he helped you carry the bags upstairs, putting them down on the floor before sitting on the edge of the bed, holding your hands in his.

"Is everything okay?" You wondered. "You seem kind of stressed out today."

"Just tired, babe." He mumbled, leaning in to press a soft kiss on your forehead. "Mark has us practicing this new routine we're working on. It's been a long day."

"Do I have to fight Mark and the rest of the guys for torturing my handsome Jeno?" You giggled, biting your lower lip.

"Only if you really want to." He laughed, shaking his head. "I'd like to see my girlfriend beat up my members."

"That would be fun." You nodded, tracing his nose with your finger.

"Yeah, I'm sure it would." He smirked, bringing your hand up to his lips and kissing it. "It's good to finally relax though. How was your shopping trip?"

"Fun, exciting." You hummed, leaning forward and kissing his lips.

"Oh really?" He questioned, cupping your face in his hands. "Do tell me more about your exciting adventure."

"Maybe later." You playfully swatted his arm. "Why don't you go watch some TV or something while I take a bath?"

"Alright, babe." He kissed your cheek, sliding off the bed and leaving the room.

As soon as he closed the bedroom door behind him, you went straight for your bags and pulled out the new lingerie set you bought earlier. Glancing at yourself in the mirror, you smiled as you thought about how much your boyfriend will enjoy seeing you in it. You carefully put on the bra and panties, standing in front of the mirror, admiring yourself. You threw on one of your large t-shirts and shorts, masking the sexy underwear underneath. Once you finished getting ready, you made your way downstairs to join Jeno.

You snuggled next to him on the couch, curling your body against his. He shifted so that you were laying down with your head resting on his chest, which made you giggle lightly. You looked over at him and he was already watching some dumb reality show on TV.

"Hey, handsome." You murmured, nuzzling into his shirt.

"Why hello there, beautiful." He said softly, running his fingers through your hair. "Didn't expect you to join me so quickly."

"Can I help it if I love you too much?" You teased him, making him chuckle.

"You're impossible." He said with a sigh. "Why do you always have to make me lose my concentration?"

"Don't worry, handsome. You won't be losing your concentration any time soon." You cooed, nibbling on his ear.

"Who says?" He purred, pressing kisses against your neck.

"This goddess here." You answered, straddling his waist and reaching for his hands to reach under your shirt.

"Oh? What's this?" He questioned, removing your shirt and dropping it to the ground. His fingers traced the hem of your new bra, running his thumb over the lacy cups. Your nipples hardened slightly from the light contact and you shivered slightly, arching your back slightly. He trailed his hands down your sides, dipping them into your shorts. "What else do you have hidden? Or maybe you want me to find it?"

"Mmm, well-" You stuttered, catching your breath as he touched your clit through your panties. "-you may not be able to see it, but I do indeed have something special for you."

"Hmm, and what might that be?" He ran his hands back up your stomach, stopping to pull down your shorts. His breath hitched, noticing the matching bra and panties that you wore. "Is this new? Did you buy these specifically for me?"

"Yes." You moaned, burying your face in his chest. "I hope you like them."

"I love them." He breathed, capturing your mouth with his. "But you look irresistible no matter what you wear. You always do, though."

"Well, thank you." You laughed.

"As much as I love seeing you in your new lingerie," he smirked, moving his hand down between your legs, "I'm more interested in seeing you naked."

"How can I refuse such a request?" You winked, pushing his hand further down until his fingers brushed against your dripping wet pussy.

His fingers slid against your folds, eliciting a loud moan from you. Slowly stroking his fingers over your clit, he kept you in suspense, driving you crazy with lust. Every movement of his fingers sent electric currents through your body, bringing forth pleasure.

You reach behind you to unclasp your bra, letting the fabric fall to the ground. As soon as the straps loosened, your breasts sprung free, jiggling lightly as you squirmed against him.

"Look at you." He groaned, sucking on your left nipple, gently flicking it with his tongue. "Such a fucking goddess. Is this all for me?"

"Only for you, Jeno." You answered, biting your lower lip. "Please use me however you wish."

"God damn, I love you." He growled, rubbing his face along your breasts. "Let me taste you, beautiful."

He wrapped his lips around your nipple and began sucking hungrily. He moved his other hand between your legs, caressing your wet slit. Slowly sliding two fingers inside of you, he rubbed his thumb over your clit, intensifying the pleasure. When he heard your moaning, he bit down on your breast harder, applying more pressure.

You didn't realize how sensitive your nipples were until he began sucking them, pulling and twisting them with each suck. You held his head closer, grinding against his hand as his fingers continued pleasuring you. When you felt your orgasm building, you cried out his name, feeling the waves crashing over you.

"Jesus fuck, baby." He moaned, continuing to stimulate you as you came.

Once you calmed down, you leaned forward, planting soft kisses across his neck.

"Are you okay?" He questioned, wrapping his arms around you.

"I've never been better." You replied, looking into his eyes. "Now please get that big cock of yours ready."

"God, baby, I love how dirty you are." He chuckled, teasingly playing with your hair. "It makes me hard just imagining what I could do to you right now."

"Mmm, I could think of a couple of things myself." You whispered, raising your hips, placing his dick at the entrance of your tight cunt.

He entered you slowly, watching as your inner muscles contracted around him. As soon as he was completely inside of you, he leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on your lips.

"Mmmm, sweetheart, you feel so good." He whispered, pulling back slightly to thrust deeper.

Each time he pushed himself into you, you moaned loudly.

"Goddamn, your pussy feels amazing." He groaned, continuing to pump in and out of you. "You feel so tight around me."

He buried his face in your neck, breathing deeply, feeling each stroke of his dick deep within you. In and out he fucked you, bringing you higher and higher with each thrust. Every movement made you feel warm all over. Every inch of you ached for more.

With each pump, you began moaning louder, louder, begging for more. Every single touch of his body made you tremble with excitement. The intense sensations shooting through your body turned you on even more. He could have done anything to you right then and you wouldn't have cared. All you wanted was for him to keep touching you. You could hardly contain your desire to touch him as well.

As you neared another orgasm, you reached up and grabbed his shoulders tightly, digging your nails into his skin. This only caused him to thrust faster, making your orgasm hit harder than ever.

You could barely breathe as the waves washed over you. Your whole body shook uncontrollably. Each thrust he made only intensified your pleasure. Eventually, he came inside of you, causing a surge of pleasure to shoot throughout your entire body. You could feel the release inside of you as he held you tight against his chest.

When you finally came down, you panted heavily, your breathing erratic. Finally coming back to earth, you opened your eyes and saw Jeno staring at you. He had a devilish grin on his face and it caused your heart to skip a beat.

"My god, you're incredible." He whispered, still thrusting his dick inside of you.

"You're insatiable." You gasped, closing your eyes and gripping his arms tighter.

"Never enough." He groaned, leaning in and kissing you passionately. "You drive me wild."

Your lips parted slightly, inviting his tongue to enter your mouth. Sensing your hesitance, he slowed down his pace, not wanting to hurt you after having such a powerful orgasm. Once you relaxed, he picked up speed again, pumping in and out of you, savoring every moment.

"Again?" You gasped, trying to catch your breath. "Let me recover first. Please."

"Nonsense, beautiful." He grinned, bringing his lips back to yours. "There is nothing wrong with going twice in one night."

"Fuck you and your crazy stamina." You sighed, smiling at him, giving him a quick peck on the lips before rolling over onto your back.

You watched as he crawled on top of you, pulling you towards him. Wrapping his arms around you, he stared deeply into your eyes. You brought your hands up to his face, gently running your fingers through his soft hair.

"Jeno..." You whispered, tracing his lips with your fingers. "Thank you."

"For what?" He questioned, kissing your forehead.

"For everything." You answered, holding him close.

"Anything for you, beautiful." He answered, kissing your lips again. "You deserve everything wonderful in life."

"Oh really? What if I want more?" You asked, causing him to laugh.

"Babe, there's nothing that you could possibly ask for that I would deny you." He promised, lowering his lips to yours once more.

"Good, because I have a few ideas." You whispered, running your hands over his back. "I'll let you know when they come to me."

"Sounds like a plan." He answered, lifting off of you. "In the meantime, let's go to bed so I can keep loving you."

You let out a gasp as he lifted you from the couch and made his way to the bedroom. Within minutes, he had you lying in the middle of the bed, while he climbed in beside you.

"Okay, if you're going to take advantage of me while I'm half asleep, I'll wake up and slap your ass." You mumbled, causing him to laugh.

"Haha, sounds like a deal to me." He answered, laying on his side and wrapping an arm around you. He pulled you close, kissing your cheek and eventually your lips.

After some time passed, you fell asleep in his arms.

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

I have been openly living as a trans man for some years now. And I'm at a point where it doesn't take up so much mental space anymore.

Don't get me wrong: I certainly do not mean "it doesn't matter anymore" here. I am not a "just call me whatever pronouns, I do not care" person and I don't think I ever will be. Nothing wrong with feeling that way, it's just not how I feel. Being adressed with my name and my pronouns is still important for my mental well-being, and it still triggers feelings of dysphoria when people misgender me.

Even apart from misgendering: My identity is still important, and it always will be! Being trans is not some small thing that loses its importance over time. It's who I am. Being a man - and having grown up in a society that told me I wasn't - influences the way I experience everything in my life (from my self-image to my relationships with others to... well, everything).

What I do mean here is: Before coming out to others, and also before coming out to myself and accepting myself as a man, there were naturally a lot of questions running circles in my brain. Why do I feel so sad when adults tells me I'll grow into a woman? Why does it cause me so much stress when mom tells me to put on a dress? Why does it make me so euphoric to use masculine scents? When I try to picture myself kissing a boy, why do I see two boys? Ah, I just learned trans people exist, why does this fascinate me so much that I can't stop thinking about it? Am I creepy for being so fascinated by them? I'm older now, why is that sad feeling not going away? Why is it only getting worse now that I have "grown into a woman"? Why do I keep getting this horrified feeling that I took a wrong route somewhere and was never meant to arrive at "woman"? Wait... could this mean I am trans? Is it too late to realize I am trans at my age? Can I really be trans when the whole thought of even just considering surgery feels overwhelming and scary? Will I ever be ready to actually come out as trans? I really want to get married some day, could I even find love as a trans person? Can I ever be happy in a relationship if I hide who I am? Can I go on living in the closet? Okay, I am trans and want to come out, is it safe to do that? Will my family still love me? Will I ever be brave enough to come out to people outside of my immediate circle? Will people take me seriously? Will people hate me? Will I regret coming out? What if I fuck up my life?

Well, I came out and the world didn't end. All these questions, I either found answers to them or they just dissolved over time - and that frees up a lot of energy and mental space. The space that was occupied by these questions and concerns is now available to me again.

I do not wonder if I am a man anymore. I just am one. It has become something that is just self-evident to me. It goes without saying - or without conciously spending time thinking about it. Of course I am a man, of course I am Oliver. Who else would I be?

We all have a limited amount of things we can focus on, and many trans people share this experience that over time they do not need to focus so much on it anymnore. But this is not unique to the process of figuring out you are trans - in the sense that a cis gay, bi, ace etc. person could also relate to this, but also in entirely non-lgbt-specific ways. Think about a person prepping for an important exam for example. A lot of their energy and mental space will be tied up in exam related questions... which obviously will not be a permanent state. After the exam, they will naturally no longer by preoccupied by wondering how the exam will go!

I'm telling you all this because one of you asked me if I struggled with coming to terms with being a trans man - and this is my very long way of saying: Yes, I did (and it's pretty normal to do! It's a really big realization about yourself!) but struggling isn't a permanent state.

You'll find answers to some questions, some questions will just fade away. You'll figure things out.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

[candyskiez]

usually I hate possession plots but god,I love the possessed hunter plot. because it's just so painfully resonant as an abuse victim. especially to anyone who's been abused by bigots.

like. this outside force you once loved, you spent so much of your time trying to please, so much of your time begging for the approval of, isolates you. they cause you to grow paranoid and angry, snapping at people and pushing you away from your support system. makes you seem crazy to your loved ones, making them doubt your mental health and making you question your sense of reality because you can't tell what's real or not anymore (gaslighting, baby!) you're cut off and overwhelmed. you get put in situations where you're forced to do things you don't want to, you're in so much pain, you're being treated like something with no wants or thoughts of their own. you're stripped of your autonomy. you're belittled for what you wanted and told THIS is how you're supposed to be, and you're so miserable. you're pitted against your loved ones. your abuser tries to make all your loved ones hate you so you come back to them, so they don't lose you. and belos being a horrifically realistic portrayal of an IRL abuser makes this so much worse. he craves Caleb's attention and tries to force hunter to fill that void. nevermind HES the one who robbed himself of caleb in his life by killing him. he tries to make hunter his shoulder to cry on, his therapist, his punching bag, his doctor. uses him to look at himself and go "see! look how good I'm doing! my family is back and he finally loves me again!" , he is obsessive and horrible and cruel and so horrifically realistic. he strips hunter of his autonomy, and in the shit that will start sounding familiar to people who grew up in bigoted families:

forced him out of what made him most comfortable. literally grew out his hair against his will, treated how he'd changed his body and wardrobe to make himself more comfortable as something that tainted him.

also just. holy shit the violating him like that. just the fucking undertones. it's fucking horrific.

and that's why him fighting back is so huge. because he has the strength to say, no. fuck you, no. this is my goddamn body. this is my goddamn life. he takes all these things he LOVED. he loved, that belos had taught him he was sinful and a horrible person for not despising (hm, allegories) and says, fuck you, I WANT this. I want this, I love this, you tried to teach me to hate it but I don't. I love it. I love it, and you didn't break me. I want to leave the coven, I want to leave you. you hurt me, and I said sorry. you used me, and I said sorry. I am done being sorry. I am done feeling bad. I want this life you're trying to take from me. I want to go to the boiling isles and I want to have a life there, in that world you hate so much. I want to go to the boiling isles and be sinful and disgusting and everything you hate and I will love it. I will be happy. I will be free and everything you hate. and I miss when I thought I could please you, because it was simple. but I am happier as a heretic and as a sinner, and you can't change me. I tried to change myself for you, I just ended up miserable. you can't make me something I'm not. I tried. and I am done trying. I am hunter. fuck you, my name is hunter. my name is hunter, and you hurt people. it doesn't matter if you were trying to help me. you hurt me. and I am done, and I am leaving, and most of all I will never let you hurt anyone else like you hurt me.

and he fucking got it, man. he fucking got it. he went through HELL and he still came back swinging. the death feels symbolic to me almost? losing a part of you in traumatic events and you have to live without that part. and you got out but you lost pieces of you in the process, and that stays with you.

but he keeps going. he kept fucking going man and THAT is fucking amazing to me. he kept going. ohhh my god. I wish I had this when I was 13. hunter isn't as massive of a hyperfixation for me anymore by a long shot, but goddamn. I love this dude. I LOVED the possession scene so fucking much and it will always resonate with me so, so hard.