#turns around and calls someone else
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heart palpitations from one of our suppliers calling me
#i do not know how to use indesign as much as i would like lol#me: ok leave it with me#turns around and calls someone else#pls help meeeee#cel speaks#cel WORKS#horrible btw
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being on marauders tumblr has made me realize that a lot of people would actually share anne rice's (terrible) opinion about fanfiction if they didn't write fanfic themselves.
#what do you mean people aren't allowed to make transformative works of YOUR transformative work?#people will literally come on this terrible website and say “no one can write fanfic of another person's fanfic”#the call is coming from inside the house#“ask before you make fanart”#sorry but maybe just take your fanfic down#how are you going to create fan works and then turn around and act like a dickhead when someone else does the same thing#btw this is not about selling bound fanfic#that is an outlier cause that's just copying someone's story and using it to make money for yourself#marauders#fanfic#ao3#wolfstar#jegulus#jily#drarry#dramione
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see the thing about Astarion to me is I don't actually think he has a clue who he actually is beneath all of the everything he's got going on. he's got impulses, he's got drive, a will to live, he's got desires and amusements and cravings, but an actual selfhood?? no. there's a blue error screen where the person of him should be, the person -- whoever that was, I'm personally of the mind he likely wasn't good then either, but we'll see where the story takes us -- before Cazador. the man in front of us today is this mishmash of interior delight at freedom and sunlight but also capable of true unapologetic cruelty and willingness to be ugly in a multitude of ways. so he follows the impulse. he follows what intrigues and amuses, and nothing will take that freedom from him again. and he reflects back onto others the violence that was done unto him. a lack of power kept him down? now he wants to accumulate power, so it can never be turned on him again. but he also misses the sun while he's underground. he's mean and desperate and ruthless and it's interesting because he's unapologetic about it, he's unflinching about it. he's vindictive and mean and desperately floundering around throwing stuff at a wall to see what sticks in terms of personhood because who is he now. 200 years of horrific servitude and now he's just out and about and he's in the mud.
and he can be horrible. and yet when you take the routes of prying open the faaairly shallow veneer he has of smug and snark and snappiness, he'll give you pieces of the raw and the desperate -- "I want to know what the world sees when it looks at me. what you see." is a line you only get if you're earnest with him. any other path in the dialogue will have him continue the shallow persona you've come to know. and in all of that I think nothing is "this is real, this is an act," set in stone because I just don't think he even knows, I don't think he has a CLUE what's his and what's the protective measures and what's the real delight and what's the cruel mockery of his surroundings and what he's willing to give vs what he needs to hide vs what he lets slip out on accident. the inconsistencies in his own ideas and what he says and what he does. I think most everything about him is in a weird place of deeply uncertain. is it a lie? is it a glimmer of truth? for me, I like to interpret him in this weird menagerie of half-truths and shallow lies and omissions, because we've only known him a short while and maybe also he doesn't even know the answer yet. who is he? fuck if HE knows. anyways. smash.
#this is NOT coherent or well put together I'm just chewing on him right now like a dog toy in my brain#I do think it's so vital to not miss the point that he's shallowly horrible in so many ways#like. objectively.#not that I don't love the 'I can fix him' but imagining him soft diminishes the character for me#It feels VITAL to him that he's gnarly in so many respects. and yet floundering and insecure in so many others#self-preservation at all costs but what are you preserving babyboy! you have no clue only that you must protect yourself#he approves of and finds amusement in minor cruelties in a way that feels so .... soooo ....#I don't know. like if he can turn it on someone else that means /he/ is finally beyond the reach of someone doing it to him#because as soon as it's done to him he goes OFF THE RAILS#call him a slave and he shows a startling aggression that is fairly rare (he doesn't often yell -- merely sly and slink and snarks and digs#it's just. HIM.#I'm putting him in the microwave for around 4 minutes to see what comes out.#astarion#bg3 meta
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I don't know how much more explicit the message of "THIS IS GROOMING" could have been without Be On Cloud superimposing it in all-caps text over every one of Non and his teacher's scenes. People interpreting that as "cheating" are cracked in the fucking head.
#dead friend forever#dff the series#barcode fucking killed those scenes!!! the desperation and discomfort and resignation!?!!#the fact that Non was textually terrified of dying at the hands of Tee's uncles gang unless he found that money#and once he accepted it and Keng held that power over him did he lean in to kiss him.#theres a reason that even universoty professors are fired for having relationships with their ADULT students.#because holding a position of institutional power over someone like that in a relationship is deeply deeply disfunctional and bad#do you think that if you were a child that felt they had literally nowhere else to turn. not to parents. or friends. or partner.#and a teacher said they would fix all your problems in a room with a closed door and kissed you.#you wouldnt feel obligated to kiss back and offer yourself up in exchange???#because what?? you're too moral??? you'd rather die???#THIS IS HOW GROOMING HAPPENS. ITS ADULTS SEEKING OUT THE MOST VULNERABLE PEOPLE IN THEIR CLASSES AND HOLDING SOMETHING OVER THEM.#IF I SEE ANYONE CALLING NON A CHEATER AGAIN I AM GOING TO KILL.#ITS STATUTORY RAPE. YOU THICK FUCKS.#KENG MADE HIM KEEP HIS SCHOOL UNIFORM ON. HE'S A FUCKING PEDOPHILE.#IM GOING TO KILL.#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SOME OF YALL ARE THE STUPIDEST MOTHERFUCKERS AROUND. YOURE STUPID. YOURE SO FUCKING DUMB. GODDDDDDDDDDDDD
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Under the cut are mostly self-insert doodles of decreasing quality. Again, not much directly tied to Team Fortress 2. Might as well toss these out while I have no access to my puter. Much yapping under the cut and in the tags incoming.
Another self-insert, this time less of a "here's me as a tenth class" and more of a "here's my game experiences translated into the class I would take the place of". The Cleaner. Although I guess they could still be wearing either suit. It doesn't matter that much.
That one Convict's Case taunt with Backup would be extremely funny, because the man would be on the verge of a breakdown (he does not want to go to jail so bad you have no idea). The second image- I owe no explanation. You know what I am. You see the pattern with my favourites.
The duality of the man. Resting face versus "just heard you express interest in religion/Russian folklore" face. He's not that hard to make friends with, when you pull him away from all the explosions.
Some doodles of trying to figure his face out. Unfortunately, the more I stare at him, the more I worry that he looks like A Certain Guy With The Last Name "Kazarin", and the fear of never being original in my life caught up to me.
Don't look at me, don't perceive me, I refuse to explain any of my actions to you.
#team fortress 2#tf2#that's it that's the only tags i am putting this in. maybe someday i will have the balls to do more but for now that's about it#while i have the chance - and since posts with more of my yapping in the tags don't pop in people's feeds much - i might as well ramble-#-about these guys here. self-inserts or not i'm projecting only half of my bullshit on each one of them. creativity 👍#backup is tall and pale and has sharp canines and more of a dull brown hair colour with tired grey eyes. no amount of babyface or soft-#-hands can really help a motherfucker when he's grimacing so much because he just Hates being around half the people on the team.#cleaner meanwhile is on the shorter side and has constantly flushed skin and brighter colours and whatnot. you can't see it because of the-#-mask most of the time but they do smile a lot more and have a more cheery disposition towards life and see the whole team as their friends!#backup transitioned fully (albeit not very legally lmao) and is scared shitless of not being seen as a man although the last time that ever-#-came up was years ago. he holds onto his last name as part of the heritage he loves and loathes at the same time - attached to his culture-#-and religion and bloodline while also resentful of his family and the regime he knows someone else on the team suffered under.#cleaner just kinda binds and calls it a day. he only does it to confuse the team because while he doesn't identify with being a girl he-#-loves the confused looks his epic gender reveal moment gets. they do not remember their family name or where they grew up or what even got-#-them to this kind of mental state. and he's chill with it he values the here and now way more than some dark edgy backstory.#backup despite trying to be an honest man is afraid of vulnerability as well. he stubbornly refuses to express love towards certain people-#-lest they feel disgusted and turn away. he's afraid of consequences afraid of losing the people he loves afraid of his ''interests'' being-#-what drives them away. it doesn't by the way and he just wasted time being a cold indecisive loser for several months lmao#cleaner wears a suit that hides all of them yes but they pretty much never lie. he is always his truest self and he can always just burn-#-people who don't like him enough to make it a problem. they are a lot more comfortable indulging in their interests - be they innocent-#-and juvenile or violent and dangerous. he is quite open with his affection and his fascinations that backup would rather keep secret.#i want to establish that these two can only exist in separate universes because they both have feelings towards the funny assistant lady-#-and the funny inventor guy (selfshipping for the winnn) and would fight over those two. cleaner would win by the way#it's also a really funny point of comparison. cleaner is objectively more fucked up than backup and still managed to be more normal about-#-their feelings and live as a healthier and happier person than that guy. comedic gold honestly#OKAY I'M DONE if you read up to here you get uhhh a cookie :-)
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I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent
#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little#bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the#very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the#house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks#Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a#gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a#treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of#color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration#like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a#auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies#so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk#and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver#but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and#sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an#active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have#been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start#to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've#done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks#with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm#secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool#stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers#me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or#it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for#too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been#investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely#enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed#google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj#LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!
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the amount of time i spend thinking about Even carrying the metacrisis doctor’s fob watch is really quite disproportionate to how much ive fleshed out that part of the story in my head
#i still find myself not caring if the metacrisis doctor couldnt use one. he can because i said so and because donna shouldn’t get amnesiaed#alone.#but anyway. even. its just something about like.#here is your best friend. the man who showed you how big the universe could be. its still him human or not. its still the doctor.#can’t call him that. have to watch your tongue always because no matter how familiar their faces are. these two people do not remember#everything you did together and never can. at least they still love each other. nothing could change that. that’s what matters. you steer#them into each other’s lives so carefully and watch to see if they’re going to get hurt. but they don’t. it’s okay.#and still. and still. you carry your best friend’s life. everything that he is. you can hold it in the palm of your hand. he gave it to you.#he entrusted it to you. well. that’s not entirely true. technically you volunteered. but how else could you say thank you.#you made your world so so small again. for him. larger than you would’ve been used to once but you know what galaxies feel like to fly#across. and now you’re stuck in time and space. this is for love too. this is for the life you hold in your hands.#or wear around your neck on a chain. and because you chose this. you can never see him again. or you see him every day and he doesn’t#recognize all of you.#that would make anyone desperate wouldn’t it? make you do something stupid. make you turn to someone you shouldn’t.#even makes bad choices when they are cornered. i think.#dw oc#the important bit is of course that the only way they can ever get rid of it is by their own choice. which they never would choose to do.#(because tentoo won’t take it back. he’s his own person. impressions of the doctor influencing him. but the part of him that is donna doing#so as well. a whole new person. who does not want her memories back and to be unmade.)#but the point is that the moment even takes it. they will never let it go. they will lose it. on painful occasion. but it always finds its#way back. depending on the context this presence and responsibility is either comforting in its constancy.#or. in a less kind world. a horrifying reminder of how far they have fallen from who they tried to be for him.
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Personal headcanon: Only Dick’s siblings & very closest friends can make jokes about his name without it bothering him. Oh, he’ll smile, he’ll laugh, he’ll take it in stride, but it does bother him. The difference is those people he’s okay with have all laid someone out flat with a single punch & zero hesitation for doing the same.
Their teasing is loving. They’ve all called eachother much worse affectionately, and he knows they associate his name more with exasperating affection than actual insults. Nobody else gets to say that.
#dick grayson#robin#richard grayson#nightwing#teen titans#batman#my life#mine#batfam#//#Mostly#this comes from a mental image I have of Dick being really bothered by Jason’s various insulting nicknames#right up until someone else makes a snide comment and Jason punches them right out in public as hard as he can.#‘’You can call him Richard. Or Grayson. Or Mister if you’re feelin’ fancy. Or you can call him nothin’. Got it?’’#Jason visibly /barely/ resists spitting on them. Then turns around & is visibly embarrassed to realize Dick saw all that.#That’s what Dick remembers every time Jason calls him Dickhead: scrawny little 13yrold Jason Todd laying out someone twice his weight#in the name of his big brother’s honor.#There are similar stories for like half of the Titans and all the other batkids. And he loves them all. So much.
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cant stop thinking abt that reply to bram's post abt the abusive cluster b parents so just know if u were abused like that, first of all, samesies and it gave me cluster b pds as a result, second of all, i promise no one whos calling for understanding of cluster b ppl is invalidating ur experiences. if u feel like they ARE, i sincerely hope u realise u dont have to have a medical explanation for why others suck. if ur parents sucked, u can just say that, and its freeing, and focusing on behavioural patterns instead of diagnoses (which u most likely dont have access to when it comes to strangers) will allow u to weed out actual bad ppl and keep urself safe(er)
#i understand its easy and comfortable to latch onto labels especially when it comes to parents#i did it#then i was diagnosed w the same shit#that was my turning point i think#when i realised we have the same shit and yet i am actively working very hard to be kind and compassionate#i dont go out of my way to be mean#at some point u have to realise that some ppl r just evil and mean spirited#and pds arent indicative of how self aware or kind or polite or compassionate someone is#i'd argue most of us put in SO much work to know ourselves and our potentially harmful behavioural patterns#way more than a neurotypical who never bothered to look inward for even a second#'these stereotypes dont come from nothing'#no shit! my dad called me both borderline and narcissist as insults AND I TURNED OUT TO HAVE BOTH#but let me tell u smth#most of my symptoms? are fucking survival mechanisms i learned as a child to avoid getting hurt. because thats what the brain does.#u know what else didnt come from thin air? sayings like hurt people hurt people#plus my victim complex allows me to write banger complaint letters now so theres that#look around u and be very comfortable w the fact that ur probably surrounded by a bunch of cluster b ppl that u adore#bc we're just ppl too#and ur doing urself a disservice trying to spot us#cluster b ppl can be evil ppl just as neurotypicals but they can also be ur friend who struggles w insecurities and is a huge ppl pleaser#bc they read the ableist posts too and they know everyone in the mainstream world thinks theyre evil#and when if u told them 'well my cluster b parents were abusive' in a less accusatory tone#maybe theyd look u in the eye w compassion and say 'yea i know how that feels and im here for u'
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Sometimes I remember we arent really seperated from our discord account and then remember we have (probably) anti friends(?) on that account and I get so fucking nervous. If you recognize us stfu please we just want to be normal sometimes PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. TEARS IN MY EYES RIGHT NOW IM SO STRESSED.
-Elias(he/they)
#profic#pro para#this is probably just paranoia but god im gonna cry if we get “called out”#Genuinely we just want to have 'normal' friends sometimes. but it also means we have to fear for ourself because we might get “outed”#even though we actively attempt to never directly conversate about our more “gross” opinions or stances when around these people#because we genuinely just want friends that we never have to talk about that stuff with#and its been like that for a while! But i am so deeply afraid that someone is gonna connect the dots#and we're gonna get called out and possibly attacked for something we actively attempt to never even vaguely bring up around them#its actually kind of scary?? because so many people have been doxxed for this type of shit and im so scared#but i also genuinely love being around these people and so does everyone else#and im afraid if we lose them that its going to be detrimental for our mental health#sorry this turned into a vent lmao???#vent warning#ig
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good evening to everyone except a certain few fucking anons
#go fuck yourselves like seriously what the fuck#im so sick of this#this is about the last two anons by the way. i havent gotten any more because i turned off anon asks#if you wanna know why anon asks are off blame those two assholes#seriously that stupid shits been getting to my head#you know why? because every fucking person around here (especially my mum) LOVES to criticise me and accuse me of victimising myself#literally every fucking thing i do is wrong around here down to my hair#all these fucking adults like to bully me about MY hair#fuck you if i want bangs I'll keep the bangs#literally it seems like they're just doing whatever they can to change me into someone else. someone they want#this fucking culture of mine is so shitty i swear to god#like they think that BULLYING you is people being honest with you#and that if someone's nice to you theyre shittalking you behind your back#(honestly considering some of the people i see i wouldn't be surprised)#and im not even doing anything thats WRONG either. im different and not one of these people can tolerate that#yeah my mum sent me a video of a goat with curly hair and implied she thinks my bangs are like that. in a derogatory manner btw#so yeah that's had me pissed and then the fucking anons were also making me pissed#fuck you I'm gonna be as selfish as i want when i post on MY blog#this blog is MINE#I decide what i write and how much i wanna shittalk someone who upset me to get my feelings out. if anyone wants to call me selfish fuck you#and you know what? fuck That Person too. they geniunely messed me up more than they helped me#yes. im still gonna talk about them. im still gonna complain because FUCK YOU I NEED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW OKAY#I NEED THIS SHIT OUT OF ME AND IT GETS BACK INTO MY HEAD SO I NEED IT OUTSIDE#and fuck you anons who gave your unwanted opinion. if you cant say anything nice SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS#i was taken advantage of and manipulated#and apparently I'm the bad guy for small mistakes like excuse me#and then that person even told a friend of theirs once to attack me (over text) like what#i just cant anymore it needs to be fucking out#and im not sorry for complaining about this because this is my blog and i will complain on here. this blog is for ME. for MY happiness.#and as such i will fucking complain shit and i will fucking post my vents because thats the only way i can send these emotions off for good
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omg! gay people
have a heishin sketch, also heijis eyes are green to me forever they're not open here but I felt I needed to clarify. Aoyama cannot be trusted with eye colors I have to do them myself
#detective conan#heishin#hattori heiji#kudo shinichi#why all these mfs have blue eyes#and then you turn around and call someone foreign bc of their blond hair and blue eyes im gonna kill u /lh#the reason i have green 4 heiji is bc even though its always been blue in the manga (i think) at the start of the anime his eye color#changed from dark green the teal and then eventually changed to blue like everyone else#and it made me so sad#anyway ran has hazel eyes because i said so#kudo#i havnt decided yet#i draw them blue for now but i might chnaged them to brown#oakskull art
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I had a dream with a pretty neat (yet messy cuz dreams are like that) story that featured yuri in the scale of "this girl is so in love with her boss but hides it in fear of her boss rejecting her so she's just content to be of service to her" and "the boss not knowing what to do with her own feelings towards the girl and also fearing of being rejected by her just kept calling her as "the best friend I've ever had" instead of being outright with it."
Somehow I ended up as an accidental wingman by disguising myself as the girl and when found out I was like: "Oh yeah and... if you're going to confess, can you actually like-- drop the "friend" thing? You're gonna end up in a deep misunderstanding cuz of that." Cuz during the time I was disguised as that girl, the boss was saying some INSANELY sweet things only to end it with "that's why I love you, as a Friend!"
#aria rants#my dream had like 3 stories mashed together and the one with the yuri was story 2#the 1st story before that fuels my whump sde tho cuz some guy was horribly hurt#cuz of Something and is struggling to stay awake cuz theres still a mission to do#and that one actually has yaoi instead (guy hurt being actively cared for by another guy)#and then it switched to story 2 with the messy yuri. and it got an interesting setup for it#cuz in that story. its set in a dream (dream within a dream... crazy) which is why i can disguise as anyone#but the problem here is that i Cant disguise as just Anyone cuz the boss has records of everyone nearby#and if the stuff im saying doesnt much with what they know. theyd kick me out and ban me from the dream#but since it was just a disguise. the Me isnt rlly affected by it so i kept going back as someone else#cuz theres like smth in the boss' office that i needed for a mission. and then i just ended up disguising#as the girl. my first disguise ended up in failure cuz the girl was nearby and the boss#found me out immediately cuz of the way i kept addressing her. i kept calling her name ''marianne''#but during my 2nd time. the girl wasnt around (made sure to disguise as her when she went out)#and turns out she addresses the boss as ''jessica'' for some reason instead of marianne#i managed to get so far until i insisted on seeing the thing i needed and she found out#got kicked out again after saying what i needed to her and then dream 3 started where its just a random mess
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YAYYY MISHA THEME!!!
MISHA 💖💓🩷❤️💕💖💓🩷💖❤️💖💓💓💖🩷💓
#i loevev them so much did you know that#currently saving up for him and it is HELL after spending it all on sparkel .so many quests and not enough timw .........#and . ouhhh havent had the chance to talk abt . shit what is it called . lemme go see real quick .#A CHILDS DREAM . yknow that one map with the text on the walls and the melted clocks and stuff .#that was done . SO incredibly well it makes me INSANE...........#so like . im 100.1% sure the speaker (who talks abt mikhail a lot) in that room is misha.#like that IS her voice right . im not going insane#its just . auuh... the dreams (or at least golden hour) in peacony are so childlike .... like . some of the puzzles are jigsaw puzzle ;#turn into a small cartoon character ; and help the cartoon character find his cartoon gears .#and then you get to clockie . who can only be seen by someone w a childs innoence (or smth around those lines)#and that misha can see clockie . which like . cool right ? yeab. UNTIL YOU GET TO A CHILDS DREAM ..#where theres something just ... sososo off .#and its ... its just gotta be misha . its gotta be . idk if theres anything outside of main story im missing (there probably is)#BUT . augh . auf even .#childs dream still has these childlike qualities to it (the paper birds; walking on walls) but just ... more warped#(the general atmosphere of the place; the monsters even .)#the music having a music box to make the tone of the song more distressing ... how its so much more smaller than golden hour ..#aughhhhhh ... its just such a good parallel..... i could talk abt it all day really .#anyways . i WAS going to tell u abt my misha theory (which may or may not be confirmed) bu t i got DISTRACTED.#uhh anyways . my theory is that misha is somehow trapped in peacony .#when misha goes onto the parlor car they mention that theyve never been outside of peacony before and that she can t stay for long .#which i imagine is very normal! BUT its this combined w her lock motif (pupils; most of the doors in childs dream) thag make me suspicious#i mentioned before that golden hour has a very childish quality to it. and that misha has that childish quality.#okay well . what if mishas being kept there so that golden hour can keep on being a dream for other people?#and so that would make golden hour mishas dream. (or part of his dream? could be more people the familys keeping)#and that would imply that childs dream is . well . mishas nightmare .#uhm . i think thats it ..? if i come up w anything else ill . ramble abt it somewhere . definitely not the most eloquent but#i hope i got the point across <33#i think its an understatement to say i love misha . i LOVE MISHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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i dont get how some people especially neurodivergent people can look at people with personality disorders and be utterly ableist and sanist against them when 9/10 you have more in common with a pwASPD or NPD than you do a neurotypical just based on the fact that mental illness is literally buy one get twelve free in some cases
#like i have adhd. im autistic. aro. schizophrenic/psychotic in some way do you REALLY think id be on the side of a so called empath#the second i even breathe about not feeling a 'human' emotion theyd have me put away thinking apathy would turn me into a serial killer#i have way more in common with cluster B disorders than i ever will with the empaths that claim to be ~*mental health activists*~#at least they claim to be mental health activists until its too messy or complicated and then out comes the slurs and bigotry#like id much rather hang out with a person who doesnt think thought crimes are real and that thinking abt the odd homicidal thought#makes you a twisted fucking cycle path or whatever#maybe its the aro in me and the similar experiences of seeing how bad we are dehumanized for some of us not feeling love#but it rankles like nothing else and if you do this please. reconsider and ask yourself why#if you create a stigma around the 'scary' disorders then how the hell is anyone meant to get help. feeling safe enough to get help.#cause these disorders are caused by abuse and if you really wanted people with a pd to get help you probably shouldnt make it harder.#and if we're going by therapy rules you cant armchair diagnose someone else anyways#sometimes an asshole is Just an asshole#long ass rant but seriously the amt of shit i see makes me so upset because like if someone does that to someone with scary disorders#how long is it gonna be till they start going after autism or adhd for similar traits. its already happened in some empath circles.#just ask yourself that because there is a lot more mental health overlap than you think#it already happens in most empath spaces#You cannot and i mean cannot decide if someone has bad intentions for you based on vibes.#you have to learn to trust people and if they break that trust they arent automatically a narc#just an asshole#and people hardly go around calling people a hyperactive abuser ghoul for them having adhd or being suspected of it
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What is Your OC’s Duality?
I was tagged by @fourlittleseedlings, @direwombat, @corvosattano and @adelaidedrubman to this uquiz, thank you for the tags!
Not tagging anyone because it’s been a while, but this is a cool uquiz and if anyone wants to do it, as ever, consider this an open tag and feel free to @ me with your results!
Deputy Morgan Malone (FC5)
sun and moon
for some you shine just right, and for others you are too much or too little. people either hate seeing you rise over the horizon or pray and send blessing to you like a favorite god. you are timeless and there are not many like you, you who can embody both a burning star and a cratered rock. what i'm trying to say is that your duality compliments itself very well, but not everyone will understand why they can't get what they want from you. it doesn't matter. burn strong when you feel the need, and be gentle in the nights it's called for.
#love this result for morgan#it really incorporates the independence i imagine in her - the feeling that she has to rely on her own judgement and principles#not someone else's#and the distance that puts between her and other people a lot of the time#and the burning star/cratered rock works really well with the red and blue aesthetic i've got going on for her#like she IS too much or too little for a lot of people because she doesn't generally adjust for other people - outside of what she thinks#is polite or kind - depending on what she perceives of their issues#also the way she is caught between sun and moon a little in her story in some of the symbolism i've been throwing around#burn strong when you feel the need and be gentle in the nights it's called for is ideal for her#little turn-on-a-dime baby#<3#uquiz#tag games
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