#tw: childlessness

[uncanny-tranny]

The whole "breasts shouldn't be politicized because the primary purpose of breasts is to feed babies!" can be a fine jumping-off point, but I really wish people thought deeper than that when we talk about the ways in which bodies are politicized and restricted.

Like, why's it that when we talk about breasts, they must have some Higher Purpose? It's true that breasts aren't inherently sexual, but they aren't valuable solely because they can potentially feed a baby. A human body doesn't have to serve a Higher Purpose in order for it to not be legislated against or policed, and I just wish people would remember it isn't always about babies, about other people, about anything else other than the people who have that body.

[lunalovegood2]

Are you ready for it? (x) (V)

[mycptsdstory]

A woman in her 40s DOESN'T regret having children.

People need to say this more.

[terzosbignaturals]

daily reminder than the papas' love for you would not in any way be dependent on you popping out kids for them

[duckprintspress]

I feel like I need to start talking more about how one of the big things that Duck Prints Press does is open the door to people who could never even get a foot in with traditional publishing or even most medium/"small" presses (we're a small press, but we're really more of a micro-press, I see places calling themselves small presses that are fucktons bigger than we are).

I've got some anecdotal evidence that people avoid the publications of Presses like this one because they think our writing and editing standards are lower - that we're the people who failed to make it in bigger presses because we weren't good enough - and that, consciously and unconsciously, gatekeeping biases on who is and isn't qualified to write lead people to support small presses less than they might support a more established organization.

So...y'all realize that there are a lot of reasons people wouldn't pursue working with trad pub, right? and I don't even mean ethical doubts, and I don't even mean "trad pub doesn't want to publish certain kinds of stories," though those are definitely factors - we're able to give more space to play with themes and genres because we don't focus solely on "is this marketable" as a sales rubric.

But that's not what I consider the biggest difference.

Hi, I'm Claire, and I own Duck Prints Press, and I have a massive history of clinical depression, including being suicidal in the past. I'm a great writer, and I'm not just tooting my own horn, I've got almost 150,000 kudos on AO3 that suggest that just maybe, I know wtf I'm doing stringing words into sentences. I don't need a big press to tell me I'm competent, I already know that. What I do need is to not end up suicidal again. If I face the gauntlet of rejections that's supposedly "required" as part of gatekeeping trad pub, it will do severe damage to my mental health, and probably destroy my ability to write as depression-induced self-deception eats through what I know to be true.

THAT'S what's different about a micropress like ours. Yes, our founding vision was to work with fans, but the vast majority of the people who work with us have mental illnesses, physical disabilities, neurodivergence issues, and/or other "meatsuits are terrible actually" issues that strict publishing environments can't or, really, won't accommodate. We say "fuck that noise" and go out of our way to accommodate people, granting extensions and ensuring everyone can work on their own schedule. We're able to be very flexible, which means we bring in a lot of people whose incredible skills are overlooked, ignored, looked down on, kept out of, more mainstream publishing options.

If someone has trouble with deadlines? We still work with them.

If someone has an illness that flares irregularly and unpredictably? We still work with them.

If someone needs frequent reminders? We still work with them.

If someone works slowly because they can only do a little at a time? We still work with them.

If someone needs extra time, additional support, special software...we have thus far been able to accommodate literally everyone who has come to us.

As long as the creators who work with us keep communicating and keep showing at least a little progress, we will find a way to make things work, because we want to be as inclusive as possible, and because we know that most people with these challenges, no matter how good they are at writing or art or whatever it is they do with us, would face many more hardships to have these opportunities with a larger, more strict organization.

Just, every time I see indications that people think we're "less" because we're not HarperCollins or Penguin or Tor or something, I get so angry, because it shows so little understanding of how gatekeepy and especially how ableist trad pub is, and I wish more of the people who are thinking things like that would recognize that their behavior is, essentially, snobbery.

And to be clear I'm not saying "people with these challenges never get trad pubbed," that's clearly ridiculous and untrue, but I am saying, people with these challenges shouldn't have to be The Most Exceptional just to have a chance, and we deserve to have a place that will accommodate us instead of having to perform health, perform neurotypicalness, etc. just to succeed. We deserve to not have one flare-up potentially ruin our careers, and we deserve the same opportunities and respect as people who choose other directions.

Between trad pub, small press, and self-publishing, no one route is inherently "superior." Backing one over another doesn't guarantee you're only going to get good stories, or good editing. Trad pub publishes utter schlock sometimes, and self-publishing is fantastic sometimes, and some small presses do have lax standards, and some small presses are exceptional, and I feel like maybe people just really don't understand why places like Duck Prints Press try to exist - it's because we're trying to create spaces that meet us where we are, instead of focusing on rigid conformity, marketability, hard rules, etc.

The only way we'll get a diversity of voices in publishing is by supporting a diversity of publishers. The only way we'll be able to make space for everyone is by supporting the places that carve out new spaces to fit those who didn't fit elsewhere.

I wish more people would understand what we do and why we're here, and that folks would at least try our publications before assuming that we're "like big press but worse at writing/arting/editing."

Idk. I'm just tired, and sick, and still working even tho I'm sick, and frustrated with how hard it is to get anywhere, so here, have a rant I probably shouldn't post.

(this post brought to you by me seeing Chuck Tingle - entirely reasonably, to be clear, Chuck Tingle is awesome and I support him entirely! - celebrating the Camp Damascus release to thousands of notes, and Tor posting a poll about some Locked Tomb short story and getting 1300+ votes, and how I have to claw our way out of the background tumblr noise to get 100+ notes even on our biggest releases)

[domina-honoribila]

wait are you anti-medical supports/intervention for pregnant women? (such as c-sections, induction, medication, etc) like congrats on your home births, you are not the spokesperson for all women nor the norm. complications happen ALL. THE. TIME.

Interventions are vastly overused because the medical industry finds normal childbirth inconvenient. The average healthy woman, after an average healthy pregnancy, will most likely have an average healthy birth without interference. Interventions often cause bigger problems, which then need more invasive solutions.

[agendergenderqueermasculenbyguy]

Denying AFAB people the bodily autonomy to get sterilised, what else is new?

[rivetingrosie4]

what must it be like to reach under the covers and find someone there? 💔

To say I am lonely for touch and love doesn't begin to describe it. I am never ever, ever touched, any kind, even the smallest way. The closest thing I get is my mother brushing my hair sometimes, when I beg her. She doesn't understand that I'm desperate because it's all the physical contact and affection I ever get in this pitiful life. That doesn't even really count; it's the brush touching me. No one on Earth has any reason to touch me.

I cannot put into words how lonely I am for touch that lasts. Touch that doesn't go away in 0.2 seconds after going months of 0.0. Touch with a person who loves me, that I don't have to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. And what makes it harder and more deeply terrifying is I know I will never get anything like that. I know it as a fact. For me, it is all pure fantasy.

I do not want to kiss or have sex with a stranger!!! Why the hell is that so hard for people to understand?! 💔💔💔

I try to find ways to try to communicate to people what I'm experiencing. I do not have hope for good things. I literally cannot see good possibilities for me for the future. So for me, there's no difference between the words "I do not hope" and "I do not have hope." Because for me, it's very real. For me, it feels as strong as reality. I do not have hope of meeting anyone who can love me. I do not have hope of having children. These were my dearest dreams in all of life, the ones that have made up my soul from the beginning. I don't know what to say when people try to encourage me by saying I may meet someone in the future. I longed for a relationship with someone in which I could know him as well as possible, and this meant I dreamed of a loving relationship with someone from a somewhat younger age. That dream is already dead. I dreamed of carrying my own baby and being an energetic, strong, and capable birth mother. That dream dwindles and fades every year. I have been living with a mixture of fear, panic, and sorrow; and the.more time goes by, it's becoming only sorrow. It's a strange kind of grief, for no one that ever was or may ever be.

More and more and more, I've been coming to realize that there are additional, even more serious things that keep me from finding and experiencing love than just my looks. The older and older I get, everyone around me is married. Then, some are divorced with kids, which I have sincere concerns about getting involved with and simply don't want to. Then, everyone my age has extensive romantic relational and sexual experience. (I know that even the relational side must be a really big deal, because the older we get, the more settled we are in our daily routines, beliefs, and comforts.) No one my age wants someone with 0.000% experience in either of those things. No one. NO. ONE. Who wants to be with a 30+ person who has never had sex, never been in a relationship, never been on a date, never kissed, never even held hands?! Honest to God, who would ever want someone like that! It will only get worse and worse.

And while all of that's true, here I am, someone who would need much more trust—relational and experiential trust—with someone than the average person to feel comfortable, at ease, and loved. None of this adds up to the remotest possibility of me even getting a chance to know and experience love with someone. Because no one wants someone like me, and the older I get, the worse and worse it will be.

I am now so remote in the world, it's not even a question of a possibility for me. I'm alone in nearly every way a person can be, and am having to look at being alone through forever. I cannot put into words how thoroughly hopeless and despairing I feel and am. And what makes being this deeply lonely and alone even more painful, is that by necessity, I must go through that alone too. There is no one beside me each day. It's just me. I only live in my head. I don't know how I'm going to make it all the way to the natural end of life like this. I don't. 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

Not even to mention my dear dreams and deep longings for a child, which is pure fantasy and not remotely possible either because of all this.

I cannot begin to imagine lovemaking; I can only guess. This is why it's often so painful for me to write or read smut.

And then when I try, when I really try hard to immersively imagine loving touch and lovemaking, I think of how overwhelmingly wonderful it must be—how filled with violently intense, vivid emotions it could be for me: love, longing, fear, desire, joy, passion, terror, not to mention finally being physically connected and touched with an entirely other human's body. And what if I were to cry? What if it were so overwhelming for me, that I cried? And what if it freaked him out, enough that he threw me away? Just like almost everyone else has.

Any kind or amount of loving touch is just a fantasy for me. It's only a fantasy.

[une-sanz-pluis]

Reading this post about Anne Boleyn, made me think about Eleanor Cobham and her childlessness.

We don't know anything about Eleanor's childlessness beyond the fact of it. We don't know if she had pregnancies that ended in miscarriage or stillbirth or whether she was unable to conceive. But the possible impact on her mental health tends not to be even considered, let alone mentioned. In fact, her attempted defence at her trial for witchcraft - that she had only used "magic" in attempt to conceive her husband's child - has been over-interpreted by some historians (e.g. Lauren Johnson, Robert Bartlett) as a type of threat or an admission of treason. She wanted to have a baby because her son would replace Henry VI and she'd be the ~mother of kings!

Which is just bizarre. There are many reasons she could have wanted a child - and note that she did not specifically state she wanted a son but a child - but both Johnson and Bartlett reduce her to the cold-hearted scheming vixen only wants a son so she can rule through him. Also, like, Eleanor was literally the only woman alive in 1441 who could provide the Lancastrian dynasty with a clear-cut heir.

We know the succession became a point of anxiety not too long after Eleanor's downfall and while we can't explicitly trace it back to Eleanor's time as Duchess of Gloucester, it does stand to reason that she would have been aware of how fragile the Lancastrian dynasty was. Henry VI was four years away from marrying himself and twelve years away from having his only son (which, of course, Eleanor couldn't have known about). He was the only child of his father and had no brothers who could inherit the throne, while all of his paternal uncles except Humphrey had died without legitimate issue by 1435. Humphrey himself had no legitimate children. The succession after Humphrey was confused, with at least three possible claimants. Eleanor, as Humphrey's wife, was likely very well aware of how fragile the succession was and was the only woman at that time who could give birth to an heir. Yes, any child might be Henry's "replacement" and she would become the mother of the next monarch but that's how a heredity monarchy works. Maybe people should read less of the Philippa Gregory-style of historical fiction.

And that's not going into the culture of primogeniture or the idea that a woman's worth as a wife was often closely tied to the production of an heir. There are studies that talk about the stigma of involuntarily childless on modern women today, who have the benefit of feminist movements and not living in a culture based explicitly and totally in primogeniture.

Nor does it go into the fact that that having a child could have had an legitimising affect on Eleanor's controversial marriage and status, providing her with security. Nor does it discuss the emotional affect of suffering miscarriages and stillbirths - admittedly, we don't know that Eleanor suffered from these but there doesn't seem to much evidence around miscarriages and stillbirths in late medieval England and so we can't rule out the possibility this was part of her experience.

It's all too easy, when we put aside the scheming vixen image, to imagine Eleanor's fear, distress, desperation and anxiety over her childlessness. Even if she was a scheming vixen, as Johnson and Bartlett would have it, it still would have had a large impact on her. It would have influenced the way she behaved - perhaps the motif of her disastrous pride and ambition came from an desire to emphasis her status as a way of taking refuge from her inability to have a child. Although I'm yet to find contemporary allegations that supports the not-uncommon idea Eleanor was greedy and grasping, perhaps she was in order to build up a stockpile of wealth that she could use to support herself if her marriage to Humphrey was annulled or her dower seized after his death. We might also consider that she turned to magic/witchcraft in desperation to have a child or at least in attempt to know what awaited her.

[the-tipsy-tailor]

affinity spaces i wish my synagogue had:

mental illness

autisim

suicide survivors

choosing not to have kids

polyamory

asexuals

exogamous marriages/relationships

these are parts of my identity that even at my leftist, very queer, very trans synagogue still feel alienate me from my community.

i want to be able to talk to other people about the work of navigating these things in a jewish context. especially during the High Holidays. especially since they concern important mitzvot. i'm struggling lately, feeling inadequate.

(if these spaces exist online i'd love to hear about it)

[ask-the-celestial-family]

(Plot Twist: Everyone gets Moon a baby each for Christmas /j) (But wait- MORE BABIES ARE POSSIBLE???) -🐟 Anon

(Oh god, he’ll be so overwhelmed. There’s possibilities. To be fair, these other babies only exist if the plot gets influenced in bad directions for Harvest and Bloody.)

[exvangelical-christian-nerd]

Me: I don't want kids.

People: You'll change your mind

Me:

[charlotine]

i saw a post on reddit the other day of this person asking if they were the asshole for not feeding their granddaughter as a punishment for making a rude comment and like,, it was crazily controversial. lots of ppl were saying that to enforce certain good behaviours, punishment is good etc etc, and that not feeding them once does not equate to starvation. okay yeah it doesnt, but idk,,

imo its not good to enforce from a young age that food is a pleasure (idk what the right word is) and not a right?? like everyone deserves to eat, everyone. hence why even prisoners are given food in prison, food is and should always be a right.

from personal experience, my own parents punishing me with no food etc just made me think that only good people deserved food. so if i didn’t go to school bc my undiagnosed autism&adhd had left me feeling burned out (and i had no words to even explain this to my parents), i wasn’t allowed out my room, or to eat or to read/go on my phone/watch tv. now if i dont go to work bc im actually ill, i find myself not eating, as a punishment. i never really figured out why i was so averse to taking care of myself when sick, but reading that post the other day (+all the comments) got me thinking.

we can’t force what connections ppl make in their heads, and it’s especially worse enforcing such murky punishment&reward things on a child. they can make other unhealthy connections, and even then, if they do learn the lesson that was meant to be taught, they won’t actual like,, get it. They won’t get that they should nice to ppl bc it hurts their feelings, but they’ll do it. though resentfully or fearfully

context: in the og reddit post, the poster sent her granddaughter to bed without dinner, not dessert or anything (dessert is a different story ofc)

[sturniolo-rat]

Tattoos and Massages Part 1

Christopher Sturniolo X Reader

Part 2

A/N: My first work “A Very Matt Morning” is doing really well and so is my Nick NSFW ABC post so I thought I would treat the Chris girlies today😌

Contains: sugar daddy!chris🤑, fluff💕

TW: mentions of having absolutely $0

In which Chris lotions up y/n’s back tattoo and it turns into a happy ending massage.

It’s Friday night, and Y/N is on her way to the house her boyfriend Chris shares with his two brothers. As a nanny for a lower-middle-class family with a two-year-old girl, Y/N makes just enough money to survive. She absolutely loves her job and little Juno, but Jesus Christ, she’s doing a lot of work. Y/N desperately needs a fun, childless weekend with her boyfriend. 

She knocks on the front door three times because people who ring doorbells are weird, and she is greeted by no one other than Matt Sturniolo. “What’s up, Y/N”

“Nothing much, man. Just looking to spend the weekend with my boyfriend.”

“Come on in, then. You know the way.” He gestures inside the house and then towards Chris’s room. 

Y/N doesn’t bother knocking and enters the room in a hurry to find and hug Chris. Their eyes meet, and she crashes into him with a strong embrace. “Oof, that’s a big hug, Mamas,” he says with a groan.

“Mhmm, missed you.” is all she says with her face buried in his chest. They hug for a long time, and Chris realizes they’re not really hugging; it’s more like he’s holding her as she lets go of the past week's stress. 

“I know you had a hard week. Was Juno a terror today, too?” he asks.

“No, I’m just worried about money, is all. They’re taking Juno on a trip, so I’ll be out of work for the next two weeks.” She hugs him harder, and he rubs her back softly.

“You’re alright, Baby, I’ve got ya.” 

They spend the rest of the night cuddling and bingeing “The Bear” on Hulu. She notices he has Hulu Plus the one without the commercials and she feels a twinge of sadness that she’s never had money to spend on luxuries like that. The show however is very good, and they watch until they fall asleep. 

Saturday morning, Chris makes sure to wake up before Y/N. Slowly rolling her head off of his chest he sneaks out of bed and heads to the kitchen to cook her breakfast. He knows she works hard for everything she has and he wants to show her that his love is something she doesn’t have to work for. He will always give it willingly; for her, it is the easiest thing to attain. She will never have to worry about money for as long as his heart beats. It perplexes him that she doesn’t know that. He will show her, but first, he has to start a perfect day of relaxation with breakfast in bed. She wakes to the sound of the smoke alarm and the smell of burnt bacon. “Fuck! Fuck! Guys, I’m sorry!” Chris shouts across the house. Y/N tosses the blanket to the side, but she hears the boys before her foot even touches the ground. 

“What the fuck!” Nick yells in the way he does. 

Matt comes out with a “Jesus fucking Christ! Turn it off!” 

Y/N wants absolutely no part in whatever’s going on. She reaches over to her airpods on the bedside table, puts them in, and turns on noise-canceling mode. Then she pulls her blankie back over herself. She really can’t be bothered with that mess.

The alarm turns off a few minutes later, and Chris enters the room cringing holding a plate of bacon, eggs, and pancakes… all burnt. She removes her airpods. “I made this for you.” he gives a sheepish smile. 

She tries to hold back a giggle “Oh, Babyboy, you shouldn’t have.” He sets the plate beside the bed and curls onto her lap. Y/N strokes his hair. “No, Boobie, don’t be sad I love love love the gesture!” She cups his face in her hands and brings his head up for a kiss on the nose. Chris takes pleasure in how delicate she is with him. Moments like this remind him why she works in childcare. She’s a nanny now but was born to be a mother. He wants so badly to one day help her become one. 

“You know what? It’s fine.” He pops up as hyper as ever. That’s Chris for you…actually, that’s ADHD for you, but it is what it is. “Because…” he says in a sing-song voice, “I have a very big day planned.” He proceeds to walk around the room gathering clothes for Y/N to put on, throws them at her, and says, “We’re taking a trip!” with the biggest smile she’s ever seen.

About 20 minutes later everybody is dressed, and an Uber is outside because he’s a silly ass who can't drive. “Where exactly are we going?” Y/N asks as they step into the car.

“That, my dear, would be a secret.” 

“Oh god. I hate surprises!”

“Well, technically, we’re not going to surprise you right now. I got excited and forgot that they were not open this early,” he admits, a bit embarrassed. 

“My question still stands. Where. Are. We. Going.”

He holds her hand to his mouth and kisses her knuckles “You and I are going shopping.” he pauses “Also you literally love surprises. So, shut up.”

She pulls her hand away upset. “You know I don’t have any…” he puts his hand over her mouth to silence her.

“And I don’t care because I am buying you everything.” 

She tries to refuse and talk him out of it the whole car ride, but he insists. They arrive at this Rodeo Drive-esque place, and Y/N is amazed at all of the fancy stores. Chris drags her into everyone he sees and physically has to force her to pick one thing for him to buy. After about the ninth store, she starts to have fun with it. By 2 pm she has a billion bags filled with everything she could possibly want and wants to head home. 

“Nope! Surprise is just down there.” He points to a tattoo shop across the street.

Y/N’s eyes widen, and she lets out a little shriek: “We’re getting tattoos!” She starts clapping and jumping up and down. “I have always wanted to get a tattoo!”

“I know, Baby, I know.”

She decides to get a large rose tattooed down her spine. It hurt like a bitch, and it still does when they arrive home. It’s very pretty, but it’s also very much an open wound. An hour later they’re in Chris’s room, and she’s ready to take the wrap they used to cover the tattoo off her back and wash it with antibacterial soap. She takes her shirt off, and Chris can’t help but stare at her soft breasts her nipples pebbling in the cool air. “Come help! I can’t reach my back!”

“I’m on it.” He gets up to stand behind her and gently peels off the plastic wrap. Her back is covered in dried blood dyed black with ink. He runs his hands down her sides landing at her hips. “You need a shower, Darlin.” He smiles to himself and whispers in Y/N’s ear “Let me clean you up.”

Oof, sorry, lads, smutty part 2 tomorrow, just like last time.

Masterlist

Taglist

@emeraldgreenbeautiesstu

[i-write-hurt-not-comfort]

@yuukanaazu hi there! thank u for your question, i would LOVE to talk about this. i've thought about this so much and i love the who Mukami backstory. i would like to disclaim i'm not a history expert but i've researched this a fuck ton. whilst a lot of the Mukami routes have bits of the Romanian history lore scattered around, the most lore comes from Ruki's MB but especially his LE, so i'm going to be using that as my main source.

putting this under a cut here because it's very long. TW for discussions of the Romanian orphan crisis.

so right off the bat in MB, we see Ruki clearly has this trauma surrounding something which happened in an eastern european nation, as seen in this manga panel when he's sitting in class and the teacher is talking about an outbreak of orphans.

although they don't SAY Romania, it's pretty heavily implied that it's Romania as this was where the infamous orphan crisis occurred and we know the Mukami's met in an orphanage. the REAL confirmation of what actually happened in Romania comes from Ruki's LE.

credit where credit is due, rejet did alright with the Romania lore. in the 1960s, Romania was under a dictatorship by Ceaușescu. Ceaușescu's socialist policies had Romania and its capital Bucharest in declining conditions. wild-spread poverty caused children to run away from home so there were already some children on the streets. Decree 770 was enacted in 1966 which banned abortion and contraception with the hope of population growth directly leading to economic growth.

Ruki's father was supposedly a politician during the time of Decree 770 being enacted. it is implied Karlheinz convinced Ceaușescu to impose Decree 770 to cause wide-spread casualties particularly in children and use these for ghoul experiments. Karlheinz also convinced Ceaușescu to impose higher taxes and embezzle public funds.

it's unclear exactly when Ruki's father was dismissed from his political position, but we see it happen in LE and he becomes an alcoholic. over the next few years, birth rates would increase substantially, especially over 1967, 1968 and 1969 when the policy was still knew. parents who were unable to take care of their children gave them up to orphanages. by 1977, parents were taxed for being childless. potentially this is when Ruki's father dies and they all enter the orphanage.

children ran away from home due to parents being overloaded with children and poverty stricken. by the 1980s, conditions in the orphanages had significantly declined. Ceaușescu was killed in December 1989. supposedly, Kalrheinz was assassinated at the end of the revolution too, and was hung in public, but his corpse disappeared.

conditions in the orphanages were as follows:

Children did not have access to food, water, medicine or basic needs

Many were not educated and were illiterate 

Hygiene was below standard and sexual assault common 

HIV/AIDS spread throughout orphanages particularly in the 1980s 

Military run orphanages often saw violent child abuse 

Children self-harmed and abused aurolac, a type of paint inhaled as a solvent (commonly distributed around Bucharest during this period right through to common times) 

Gangs were formed inside and outside the orphanages which led to further violence

There weren't enough beds 

Some children were sold off as slaves for money or to be abused (Kou is an example of this) 

Disabled children were sent to special places and were treated the worst

the Mukami's lore is mostly implied from theories, and the bullet points i'm about to drop are only my perspective. though it is based off canon events.

here, we are going to assume the timeline matchup or make some kind of sense…

it DOES kind of make sense if you imagine the Mukami's to be born in 1966/67 due to the abortion ban

thus they would be around age 10-11 in 1977 when they all entered the orphanages

obviously the orphanages were overcrowded by this point in time, hence the conditions were so bad 

Azusa was at the orphanage first and when Ruki arrived, he followed him around

Ruki was creeped out at first but eventually came to see Azusa as a younger brother

then Ruki meets Kou when he's in the middle of trying to kill himself and calls him a loser 

Yuma joined the orphanage last, and became friends with everyone after meeting Kou in the punishment cell 

so the order is Azusa, then Ruki, then Kou, and then Yuma 

Ruki

Ruki's father was a politician… until he wasn't

when Decree 770 was enacted, he turned into an alcoholic and began abusing Ruki's mother

it's explained in Ruki's LE Maniac Epilogue and it's a bit vague but I do think the implication is that Ceaușescu imposing higher taxes (potentially the childless tax in 1977) is what caused Ruki's father's dismissal 

this means Ruki was a baby when Decree 770 was first enacted but he was pampered so he didn't know that was going on in the real world 

1977, Ruki's father was fired then committed suicide, his mother had an affair and ran off, and Ruki entered the orphanage

he was beaten up a lot for being an ex-aristocrat 

Kou

Kou was born to an aristocratic family but they were exiled when he was still young 

(i headcanon his parents being from another country, possibly Italy considering his name was Emilio) 

he was off-handed to a nanny but she abandoned him when he was young

she potentially abandoned him due to having to care for too many orphans (early 1970s)

kou spent most his childhood on the streets, at which point he was shown to beg for food and money

he exchanged this (IN CANON!!) for aurolac (which i write about here) 

eventually he was taken into the orphanage, right when some army officers shot some people in front of him 

there he was sold off to aristocrats, aka slavery, and gouged out his eye

continued using aurolac in the orphanage

Yuma

i will assume he ended up in Bucharest around mid-1970s

his farming family in the village which burnt down was poor due to socialist policies and higher taxes 

he was in a gang as the name Bear and was one day thrown into the orphanage when everyone else was shot 

his leader Lucks had been shown to be prostituting himself to get money for the gang

Yuma steals food from the orphanage and got into a lot of fights due to people insulting his gang

Azusa

Azusa was raised by Romani people

it isn't clear whether he was born into a Romani family or whether he was born accidentally and abandoned and then taken in by the Romani people 

i personally headcanons the former 

he was weak compared to everyone and Justin, Melissa and Christina beat him up a lot

one day they were killed for burglary and Azusa cried

then he passed out in front of a shop and was sent to the orphanage 

he enjoys getting beaten up at the orphanage and that's when he meets Ruki 

i am sorry that this is SO LONG. if you made it to the end, thank u and congratulations. i love this lore. if you want it saved somewhere, i have it all here (+ more information).

[nychthemeron-rants]

Fuck it. Daddy Angel AU is a go.

AU background Summary:

(TW: Talks of domestic violence, cheating, murder, and lobotomy)

Niffty is Angel's daughter. She was conceived from a one night stand that only happened because some people in Angel's gang pressured him into hooking up with a woman while out drinking. Angel has no clue he fathered a child. Niffty grew up only knowing her dad was an Italian Gangster from Brooklyn. Because Niffty grew up only hearing vague tales of her dad as a badass gangster she began to idolize the ideas of bad boys and romantasizing violence. While that didn't cause her instability, it certainly didn't help.

Angel dies in 1947 at age 35 when Niffty was 15, never knowing he had a daughter.

Fast forward to the early 50's. Niffty's mother encourages Niffty to go to college, mostly to get her MRS degree, but also to give her clearly mentally ill daughter a better chance at life by letting her further her education. She majors in education at her mother's suggestion but hates it. Which is why when she gets proposed to by her boyfriend at age 19, she happily agrees to drop out to be his housewife despite only dating him for 2 months. And him being a total douchebag because, again, Niffty likes bad boys.

Their marriage goes south quickly. Her husband was verbally abusive from the start of their marriage (though he wasn't before they got married). Niffty threw herself into her housework to cope, obsessing over proving she was a good wife by keeping a clean house and finding stress relief in killing any pests that dare to enter her perfect home. However, her husband's beratement of her only escalated over 2 miserable years.

Then Niffty caught him bragging to some buddies about how he's been ditching his "crazy" wife to bang some hot waitress. All while saying deplorable things about Niffty. When she confronted him about it, he made the mistake of laying hands on her. Thinking of her mythical gangster father and sick and fucking tired of being bullied and mocked for being ""crazy"", she decides to finally handle shit the way she always wanted to and grabs a knife. After a brief but intense struggle, her husband was dead, but Niffty was badly injured, leading her to call 911 before she could even come up with a cover story. Leading to her arrest.

She was sentenced to be lobotomized, and died shortly after due to infection at only 22 years old in 1954.

She and Angel both end up in hell, Niffty knowing her dad must be down there with her somewhere, but has no real info on him so she doesn't bother looking, and Angel assumes he died childless. Neither think anything of the other when they meet. It isn't until they begin discussing their mortal lives that Angel begins to make connections between what Niffty knows about her dad and how she describes her mom, and himself and a woman he used to know before she moved away suddenly... shortly after they hooked up.