#ty all for making the first edition happen seriously

[prinnay]

Weightless got a small reprint in softcover!

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

02/05/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Cast & Crew; Rhys Cameos; Samba BTS; Samba & Rhys Goofyness; Wee John Wednesday + surprise Leslie; UK Launch; Watch Party Reminders; What We Do In The Shadows; New Watch parties: Love Birds; Articles; Fundraisers; Schadenfreude; Trends; Morale/LoveNotes/MORE RHYS CAMEOS; Daily Darby/Tonight's Taika;

Jeez Louise fam today was a seriously jam packed day! Once again Im worried I'm gonna miss something because there was just so much so please feel free to let me know!

== Cast & Crew ==

The Crew section is a hefty one today, so buckle up buttercup it's gonna be a chaotic and heartwarming ride.

Okay so, yesterday we had that lovely message that was edited from our beloved captain. But then our dear friend @meowzawowaza_ over on twitter released yet another part of the video that specifically went over Rhys' frustrations with the cancellation. Now it's less positive, but as she says, it adds another layer that is helping rally the troops to keep fighting. Here's the thread with the videos. Apologies if you don't have twitter... I don't have a link outside of there at the moment. If I find one, I'll update it here.

THEN because she's awesome, our lovely @lucyrosebutler decided to share the cameo she had gotten previously. Which he ended with, "Yeah, you be you, keep rock'n, and yeah, you be you, and do it loudly."

Before continuing with the cast & crew...

== Kudosboard! ==

Wanna send our lovely captain, Rhys, some kudos and love after all he's given us, especially the last two days? You can do so over on kudoboard.com! Thank you @madzilla84 for making this happen! Get on over there and send our sunshine man some love!

Alright! On to more Cast & Crew.

= Samba =

Samba, our favorite BTS buddy posted a new BTS picture + was making sure to shout out the new S2 out on BBCIplayer today!

= Samba & Rhys =

Then because our entire cast and crew is a pile of goofballs, Rhys and Samba shared this little exchange on twitter:

= Wee John Wednesday Monday! =

And well, then there was Wee John Wednesdays Monday! Where we not only got to see the expected three cast members: Kristian Nairn, Vico Ortiz, and Madeleine Sami, but a SURPRISE guest, Leslie Jones who crashed the Instagram live party.

You can watch the whole thing on Kristian Nairn's IG Here. WHICH I highly recommend because it was an absolute blast and got so many of us pumped and ready for more. Some highlights that absolutely cannot describe the pure and wonderful chaos were:

Rocket Jousting

Leslie fucking every alien in space

Leslie wants to come to a convention

Horny pickle ball

Jenkins is on board for s3 if it happens

They see how hard we're working on SaveOFMD and they said "they deserve it" (s3) and "so do we!"

Mads just randomly runs into Taika on the beach

Gypsy made a chest binder for all Vico's outfits @edscuntyeyeshadow ty for the screenshots here on tumblr

Oh and David Fane popped in because he's a gem of a human being. Thanks @madzilla84 for catching that!

= Leslie Jones + Convention =

PSSSST: Wanna help get Leslie to a con? Go request her on the Galaxy Con Websites! Thanks @insane_foliage on twitter for the suggestions!

= Vico Ortiz =

Upcoming cast events! Sunday Feb 11, 4PM PST, Vico will be interviewing with the lovely Samantha Rei on Instagram Live

= Erroll Shand =

I just, can't get over how amazing Erroll's IG Stories are, and how much he interacts with the goofy fan memes. I love this guy.

== Uk Launch ==

So many people logged in for the UK Launch of S2!!! Thank you everyone! The data teams over at @saveofmdcrewmates are still crunching numbers to show how things went the first day, but we can definitely see #OurFlagBBC trending for a bit!

Also Pink News was tweeting about the launch, and Wee John Wednesday!

Great job everyone-- please keep it up if you have the spoons! Wanna watch OFMD again? You can help support the UK Launch by watching it on BBCIplayer! Once again, if you are outside the US you can get instructions on how to here on @reallygoodplants page, or from this article.

== Watch Party Reminders! ==

= What We Do In The Shadows Watch Party! =

Tuesday February 6th, 9PM GMT, 1 PM PST, 4PM EST

Watch Party Hashtags:

#VamPirates

#SaveOFMD

#AdoptOurCrew

== New Watch Parties! ==

FINALLYYYYY we have a Love Birds Watch Party! Feb 9th - 9 pm GMT, 4 pm EST, 1pm PST.

Watch Party Hashtags:

#AdoptOurLoveBirds

#AdoptOurCrew

#SaveOFMD

==Articles==

So many articles today with the UK launch, including the Guardian again!

What’s On TV This Week: 5th February – 11th February

TV Tonight: It's the Final Series of Curb Your Enthusiasm

Our Flags Means Death fans get TV licence just to watch pirate show

The Best Romantic TV Series to Get into the Valentine’s Day Spirit

8 TV Shows Were Canceled in January 2024, Including 4 From HBO

Why won’t there be a Our Flag Means Death season 3?

= Fundraiser Status =

eSIMs and Sanitary Products for Gaza by Our Flag Makes A Difference is currently at 27% of their goal. If you're looking for a good cause to donate to, these folks have been incredibly transparent about all funds.

@One of the crew, @mcstuffiesphd is selling Jeff stickers as well as other SaveOFMD merch and donating 50% to the Our Flag Makes A Difference group for the above fundraiser.

== SchadenFreude / Trends Time ==

Thank you @btweenhisteeth on twitter for capturing this metric! Looks like WB Discovery is still having a bit of trouble with their stocks. Wonder why that could be?

Other fun trends that popped up today: Thank you @merryfinches catching a shot of the pile of royalty below.

== Morale / Love Notes ==

So normally I just want to say all the things about how lovely you all are, but Rhys posted YET ANOTHER video on cameo tonight, and I feel like his voice is the sunshine we all need. The longer one up, is dedicated to LGBTQIA+ folks with some anecdotes from Rhys' childhood, and another specific to the crew for this show (it's about 3 mins 10 seconds long). Please take a few minutes to go watch them, you don't need a log in or anything for them. It's just worth it to hear our lovely captain say nice things.

== Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika ==

And to end the night, just some silly gifs that maybe sort of but don't quite go together for tonight. Goodnight lovelies, it was a LOOONG day today, please go get some rest. Love you.

[totally-not-a-tickle-blog]

Hi can I infodump about Roy and my interpretation w/ him when it comes to coping mechanism regards sexual abuse to you?

Click here to allow me 👇 (long text)

.

To be honest I don't think he'll leave the more ""stereotypical"" type of victim bubble since 1- He's not a big focus in the show and 2- It's quite complicated and I don't know if Sr Pelo and the team would go that deep, but I like to overanalyze things. With that being said:

It feels off for me when he's shown as easily affected whenever his uncle is mentioned. I personally don't see it as HIM.

It's vague and anyone can see it whatever they like, it's 100% fine, but Roy is just... stubborn and ignorant. Those are two of his biggest traits and it's impossible for it not to affect how he deals with that trauma; he already has to deal with arrogant parents (mostly mother), not being himself even if he wants to (what pretty much hurts his natural ego), so being aware that even ANOTHER member of your family took advantage of you in even worst ways is basically a shot straight to the head. He's fighting something already and he'll definitely be in denial with a second one, not to mention that if people actually began to act all "soft" after finding that out IT'D MAKE THINGS WORSE.

It's literally the same as going to someone who wants to be seen as superior and mock him by treating them like a baby. It'll just make him try harder and harder to be taken seriously, including trying to ignore the trauma more and more.

And to be honest, even if he told his parents he'd stay in denial. Carmen and Richard are questionable parents but they're not monsters like some people think they are, they'd offer help and ask him what they want and need to know, but it changes nothing on how they treated him before nor his personality will suddenly change. I also have a lot to talk about his relationship with his parents, but that's for another one if I feel like it.

Now coming back to the beginning, when I mention that he doesn't get triggered when his uncle is the topic, I see it like that because his mind couldn't properly see the uncle as an enemy. He knows that what happened is wrong and that he's an asshole, but I'm talking about something more personal. A poor example for the sensation itself: You eat in a restaurant, and weeks later you find out that the waiter spit in your food. Will you come back? No. Are you also full MAD at him? Also no. You got angry in the first moments, sometimes still do, but you didn't even saw anything wrong with your food back then. You recognized it, but your brain didn't.

Now, when it's the sexual abuse itself, it affects him way more mostly because it makes him feel stupid, paranoid and dare I say disgusted maybe. I admit, that part is mostly me projecting, but it still makes sense in a way. It's more of a internal change instead of an external one (are those the right words?), since the consequences isn't as obvious and explicit if you did recognized the scene as a trauma at the time. You may not be against physical touch, but you may struggle interacting nicely afraid that you'll mess up again. I hope I didn't messed up on that part, or any at all--

ALRIGHT, briefly, Roy don't want sympathy, but he needs empathy, just like his friends are doing. They know what Roy goes through and still won't let him do whatever he wants, don't try babysitting him nor desperately tries to search for help right away like that. He's focused on his parents and can't handle even more trauma right now, and if he does start to try helping himself it'll be when he's older and don't have as much ego as he does now.

Ty for reading and I am SO SO sorry if I said anything shitty, sexual abuse is a topic that I always had some sort of interest on (studying and talking about), so I tend to think about it a lot specially when a hyperfixation is included.

EDIT: Just wanted to add that Roy's anger issues are also a nice response to everything I just said (nice in a "it connects" way, not good), someone as low-tempered as himself wouldn't be able to handle with the pressure of "You need to vent" without "exploding", thinking that his abuse consequently made him weaker and less worth of respect; "That shit just makes everything worse, so it's easier if I just ignore it!"

[spacenintendogs]

3 10 16or 17 for the httyd asks!!

3. Did you play School of Dragon? If so, what dragon(s) did you have?

i tried back in 2018 but my laptop couldn't handle it. i never got past the tutorial with toothless and immediately uninstalled it and then was still devastated when they shut it down :')

10. What are your favourite songs from the soundtracks?

the big 3: forbidden friendship, test drive, and romantic flight.

see you tomorrow is a BANGER

all of the jonsi songs!!

once there were dragons is also so good... listened to that on repeat after i saw the hidden world in 2019

16. What is your favourite plot arc?

edit: i realized this said plot arc and astrid's character arc doesn't rlly count but for plot arc: hiccup & snotlout's arc of learning to respect each other more in riders/defenders of berk. basically the screaming death arc!!

astrid's in the first movie... it's near perfect and her role in the story is so vital bc her mind being changed makes stoick's mind being changed so much more believable. astrid's arc is such an interesting throughline to see the movie through. astrid being the most viking like of the teens and taking everything so seriously only to decide to give hiccup a chance (yes she was hanging off a tree rlly high off the ground and then only apologized bc toothless was whipping her around as payback for her attitude lol) but once toothless calms down that's when astrid rlly sits back and gives toothless & hiccup a chance & you just. see her relaxed for the first time in the movie and smiling so wide and it's SOOOOOOO. i love her so much.

17. Do you read or write HTTYD fanfic? If so, give some recommendations!

i do both!!

for reading, i haven't done a lot & i am kinda particular abt what i read (i heed tags & stuff seriously!! they're there for a reason!!) but!! from recent memory & my bookmarks

promises, promises is by @artinandwritin and it's abt her httyd ocs and @beebooca's oc set post the hidden world (except the dragons are still there!!) and it's such a fun exploration of the effect things can have on oc characters based on what happens to the canon characters they're connected to!! it's very good (and i am honored to have helped beta read :'))

translations by @bignostalgias is a hijack fic where jack frost ends up on berk after following silver dream sand (and ends up becoming "alive" again) and there's the whole thing where he's confused abt how berk exists and seems to be behind modern day and dragons exist. everything is so thought out and carefully put together and i just can not wait for more!!

frowny kisses by @tysonrunningfox bc my snotstrid loving ass adores those losers so much and op has got them DOWN!! the original snotstrid person fr fr i am begging y'all to pls check out their stuff!!!!!!!!!

also fics by @eemoo1o-tfrmoo & @kolasharkattack are also rlly rlly good!!!!!!

and yea i write fics lol but i go through spurts of YEAH UPDATE LET'S GO WOO and then quickly losing steam & updates come rarely even tho they take up so much space in my brain bc writing hard :')

the summer snotlout jorgenson got laid is tied to my modern au & it's abt the brief period astrid & snotlout decided to try dating & obv they break up but hey. unrestrained summer fun :)

burn is a series following astrid & snotlout's friendship. there's only 2 fics rn but windburn is complete and heartburn is a work in progress. i have a few fics for series stewing around in my brain as well but!! yea!!

then there's the calm dragon nip provides which is basically my fishlout smokes weed fic and it's not even a year old yet & tbh i'm not happy with it at all but i don't regret it enough to delete it. u can read it if u wish but i'm not proud of it. c'est la vie.

and those are my most recent fics!! and then my docs are just. full of incomplete bullshit lol <3 ty!!

[scover-va]

I need to know more about Michael's mom... Is she a cool mom?

SHE IS A VERY COOL MOM janet afton you will always be famous. to me

Im taking this as a chance to finally ramble abt her anyways so Janet's core inspo when designing her was to avoid 2 key things. Don't make her like Immortal & Th Restless's Clara (due to clara representing michael, not mrs afton, so i wanted to avoid that), and don't base her too heavily off of Ballora. I still have ties to Ballora's character (a music-based theme, blue-centric colour palette, im sure there were more basic ideas but everything else is more hc than themes to keep up) due to my hc thingy of each Funtime having ties to William's wife + kids, but yknow.

But yeah. Funky lady who played bass guitar + did backup vocals in a band during her high school and college years. Literally her and William dating can be summed up by "Seriously, what do you see in that guy?!" "He makes me laugh." bc she was and is WAY out of his goddamn league. Not just bc of the whole serial killer thing he was just an even bigger loser in college. Normal people dont develop a crush on a woman after she nearly breaks your nose and makes you bleed, William /j

But yeah uhh. I also dont like the idea of her being absent or neglectful purely because I got way too attached to her (i was originally gonna do that just to make things easy for myself but. Pretty lady,,, I am a very simple lesbian what can i say) so like. She obviously wasnt the greatest, most fantastic mom to ever exist given she was kinda maybe sorta well aware William was making some weird fucking clowns, but like. Hey. She tried. Also side note my reasoning for her being absent during the whole. Yknow. '83 event (and just evan's bday in general) is bc Evan + Elizabeth are twins and Elizabeth demanded a girls-only trip for her bday, and Janet promised Evan she'd do something just as special for him when she got back. That never happened bc he died lmao loser /j

But yeah uhh. Shes got a lot of regrets. Wishes she coulda done a lot of things better. Kinda dies with those regrets. Ive seen people say that one of fnaf's charms is that no character is 100% good and i LOVE that, and wanted to keep it up with Janet. Good mom and overall a good person, however made some bad decisions along the way and whatnot.

Im still working out specifics (ive been slowly working on a lil private fic abt her and william meeting + their early relationship) but uhhh. Minor notes that dont get their own paragraphs is that William sampled her voice for Ballora so yay easy voice claim, she had an on and off relationship with her band's lead singer (her name's Bev), her birth name is actually Janice Schmidt but if you call her Janice she'll knock at least 2 of ur teeth out, she's a runaway teen and got adopted by this older couple bc her home life kinda sucked (idk specifics yet), and also girlie has an extensive criminal record of minor angsty teen type charges. Also teen Mike dying his hair and then 2020's Michael's hairstyle are both kinda references to Janet's hair because he wnated to look less like his father. Thats all ty. No read more bc you WILL look at my mrs afton post, boy /j

Actually no theres more that im remembering as i write the tags and edit a few details. Back to her and William because god im insane about them. So for starters it. Well i was gonna say Janet was def the first to flirt but i think William definitely developed a crush first and they only kept talking bc of said crush so its kinda up for debate. Anyways yeah at first it was a HUGE sorta like "Well he's funny especially when I fluster him so this can be just a fun lil thing" but because they chatted more they def kinda like. Clicked more. William was a huge fan of listening to her music (from. a distance. he looked kinda like a creep but at least janet only misinterpreted it once) but like *specifically* janet he didnt give a fucking shit abt the rest of the band. Uhh. They had their first run-in and janet kinda. Well. Punched him in the nose before he cleared up that he is NOT a pervert or anything weird like that (bc a guy that looks older than he is staring from a distance when there is a clear crowd he could join kinda gave janet the Wrong idea), then they later bumped into each other in the hall and chatted for a bit, then they kinda just kept "accidentally" running into one another. Uhhh. Some cigaerette-themed flirting and a house party later, yay dating :] can you tell where the current cut-off of the fic is /j Also idk how to put this down properly but they are both runaways and can kinda. Get that vibe from one another. Literally Michael is like some fucked up abomination of the both of them between the troubled past + weird situationship thing + runaway stuff + a lot of minor details that arent important rn. I just. Yeah Janet means the world to me go thru her tag on my blog for some art. Not all of my janet art is posted but the non-posted stuff is all concept work/doodles or just. Shit im too embarrassed to post lmao. Anyways NOW im done ty for reading

[darwinquark]

not you reigniting my jeronica shipper soul with a few graphics bc i legit opened ao3 and checked if you updated tkof in the middle of a shift break

but seriously after a third read of chap 11 (christ you weren’t kidding when you said you’d place an exorbitant amount of emOTIONS and fcking angst in that chapter) i just need to know:

will the sequel be heavy angst with a happy ending or angst for like the first few chapters then we actually get to see them happy? like am i gonna see established relationship scenes in new york??? bc gOOOD god the emotional turmoil tkof is i need some happy jeronica

also, is the sequel planned to be release soon after the last chap or? no pressure bc obviously you have a life outside this fic (unfortunately, not the same can be said about me) but i lowkey might combust if they don’t get a happy ending

anyways, tkof is a work of art just incase you didn’t know

lolololol girl I'm so sorry I'm honestly not even sure what happened with chapter eleven, I just like blacked out and threw in every angsty trope I could think of (but also, the fact that you've read it three times??? my heart???)

re: the sequel, definitely a different vibe! my reasoning for even doing a sequel instead of just tying up tkof as a standalone was that I felt like I couldn't organically give them the kind of ending I wanted for them amidst all that drama/turmoil, you know? like I could pull some Bonnie and Clyde run away to NYC-type ending, which is fun in that toxic/ride or die kind of way, but I feel like they deserve the chance to develop something healthier/less co-dependent than that. Veronica's in a really bad place in tkof, like she has pretty much no one and is weathering all this stress and trauma, and as much as Jughead wants to spare her from all of that I think she needs to rebuild/heal/find herself again on her own terms before she can genuinely be in something real. I like to think of tkof as a right person, wrong time kind of deal, and wbbs as their unlikely second chance at it.

re: the mood, definitely not the same angst-fest as tkof! the first few chapters are going to be heavy on the tension because things are left wildly unresolved, particularly to Jughead, and there's a lot of festering emotion/resentment that's been sublimated over five years that's now roiling right back up to the surface. that said, the setting/stakes/plot of wbbs is really different, like this is set in the NYC publishing world and there's no gang wars or serial killers or general riverdale bs heightening everything around them, so you get to see way more normal/everyday interactions for them, which is what I really wanted. this is their Dair era of bickering over manuscript edits and schmoozy cocktail hours and bookstore meet-and-greets and apartment life, and you also get to see just how unapologetically ambitious they both are (something that sets them apart from Betty and Archie and their white-picket-fence-small-town aspirations, I think), which is really fun. They have different ideas of success but they're both starving to prove themselves, and that initially presents as friction but eventually bonds them.

TLDR, the sequel is my way of giving them a chance to reconnect in a setting where they can finally breathe, and even though it starts off dicey, it definitely progresses into what I think you're looking for. I'm looking forward to playing into the idea that they'll both have convinced themselves what they had in tkof was this fluke of teenage hormones and life/death adrenaline, but then here they are, five years later, drawn to each other all over again. Just makes it feel a lot realer, you know?

ANYWAY, sorry for the wikipedia article I just wrote you oh my LORD. I'm not taking any kind of break between the last chapter and the sequel so should be along the same updating speed (which is admittedly abysmal I'm sorry 🙃). thanks so much for the message!

[wack-ashimself]

I was not a fan of the ending of Strangers things 4...

Of course, spoilers.

It felt like the WHOLE season was leading up to 'to be continued' cuz outside of papa finally dying (love how they NEVER covered how he survived being attacked by a monster in the first place), and them tying all the seasons together, you get absolutely no closure. No real character growth either (outside max and 11). They only have a cameo of dustin's gf, and she's fucking adorable! I will admit, tho, I am glad they went full murray this season. He makes every scene pop!

#1-Eddie's death was unneeded and dumb. Him stalling the bats did NOTHING for ANYONE. We all knew SOMEONE had to die, but bringing in a character and killing them off seems to be their motif (see max's brother). Eddie was...better than almost every lead. Seriously. You fucking dicks. And it was such a pathetic death too. Know how I guessed he was gonna die? ONE scene just before he died with dustin, wrestling, and saying 'don't you ever change.' I was like 'that is totally a last line of a dying/going to die person.'

#2-Either the trio being caught by the vines/tentacles happened WAYYYYYY WAYYY after almost everything else OR the bad guy didn't want to kill them. Cuz they were on those walls a LONG fucking time. But the editing/timing of that scene was fucking dumb.

#3-the whole 'we killed the bad guy, oh wait, he's wounded, and he ran away to do bad deeds another day' HAS BEEN DONE YOU LAZY FUCKING FUCKS! Seriously, I could not NAME all the movies and shows that did that. It's growing as I speak I bet...know who that panders to? Simple children.

#4-This wasn't the finale, but it bugged me: bringing in a neck bomb device to control 11 only for it to be removed MINUTES later? No fucking point in even fucking doing it. Just keep her drugged or something. Cuz if she is there to save the world, threatening to kill her helps literally no one. Not even the doc. Makes NO sense. 'Last ditch effort' to do WHAT? If he kills her, they're all dead. WHY even threaten?

#5-You coulda easily killed the hippie stoner pizza dude. He...was okay. But kinda like the vanilla in neopolitan ice cream: the last part anyone wants...

#6-Max isn't dead. Bad guy kidnapped her to feed off of her or some lost in limbo thing. Otherwise, they would have straight up killed her. So it's not really...interesting. Or a 'what's gonna happen.' Trust me. If they 100% killed max, I'll eat my words but...as my best friend said about her 'she's my favorite on the entire show.' She is LOVED by fans. They won't kill her. She's...too big to fail. lol

#7-I wanted the reunion of 11 and hopper way sooner and longer. It was like one of the best moments of the series, and you guys didn't even milk it. I usually ain't one to say milk a scene, but get a big pail and MILK THOSE SCENES IN THE FUTURE!

#8-a white straight dude threatening to break the arms of a small black girl? That does sound like the 80s...made me uncomfortable tho. The things you could do/say before the internet....would blow your minds.

#9-I know it's all about the looks/screenshots, but far FAR too many scenes do NOT look natural. Entering/exiting always felt....choreographed. The scene where they all look at the dust/ash coming from the sky, 11 marching up front and touching the ground? None of that felt real. Why would all of them stop perfect....it's just...it looks good, but not relatable, real, or authentic. It's almost accidentally breaking the 4th wall by going 'remember this is a SHOW! So let's give them a performance. Dance monkeys.'

#10-The parents, like all of them but joyce and hopper, are terrible fucking parents. They just don't care. It's more about appearances with them.

#11-The bad guy controls almost all living things in the upside down, but doesn't consider, once, to have a couple attack dogs guarding his body? I know by the time they got to him, he was weakened, but they didn't even show the unconscious bodies of the things. BATS was your go to? And your only line of defense besides vines? What a dumb mother fucker. I'm sorry, but if I was a bad guy in any of these shows, it'd be one episode. I'd win, everyone would be dead. These bad guys are so...cocky, they don't think. Which...ok, saying it out loud: maybe he was SO confident of winning, he didn't believe he'd need attack dogs? But,. still, WHY THE BATS then? There's just so many plot holes/errors in his judgement....

#12-the final fight scene was boring. I waited HOURS to get to the big fight, and it was lackluster. Everyone remembers the rock concert on the trailer. No one cares about the vecna/11 fight. I mean, we ALL knew exactly what was gonna happen. It happens EVERY season. 11 doubts herself, looks to be down for the count, then magically thru sheer will power & friendship becomes a god....so by the books. The final season better make it good.

#13-so...on the run from a government organization looking to kill her....and....she...goes....to...her old house? They have hopper's addy. When ANYONE sees hopper, they will know where he's at....and why wouldn't the government go to check on ALL her known associates and locations? Just....it's a nice scene, but entirely impractical.

#14-The little kid sister is my personal fav character. She stands up for what is right, EVERY TIME. NO character has done that. Every single one has kinda sold out at one point. Ok, maybe not dustin...but he's like a teddy bear.

#15-...............no one working a pizza place at anytime in history would just let you do what you want in their building for a joint unless they hated their job, knew they were quitting and moving away. Hippies aren't even that stupid or giving.

#16-paul reiser's character better be alive. I like him. (he's also hilarious in the boys season 3. Is this his comeback?)

#17-again, not the ending, but papa had to be shot THREE TIMES WITH A MILITARY SNIPER? Is that explaining how he fought off the dog monster in the previous season? Cuz he's fucking ripped or something? Those bullets GO THRU. They do not stop. He had HOLES in his body. And if he truly cared for 11, why wouldn't he remove her collar IMMEDIATELY. She could have saved your dumb evil life. Everything with papa pissed me off cuz it was 'all over the place, we'll figure it out later' (and they never did. HOW THE FUCK DID YOU BRING BACK SOMEONE WE THOUGHT WAS DEAD AND NEVER ATTEMPT TO EXPLAIN IT! DICK MOVE!!!!!)

#18-seeing that white boy jock get confronted that his gf wasn't perfect, flip out, and get the shit beat out of him was fun.

#19-I also did like that they failed in the end, but...that, again, just leads back to the whole 'to be continued' vibe of this season. This whole season was backstory and foreshadowing. Nothing seems to matter this season except moving to next final season. Outside of the story of vecna, 11 and hopper meeting...this season was filler for the most part. It was WAY better than last season, but that's only cuz they finally made all the seasons connect.

#20-you could have killed hippie dude, any of the parents outside hopper and joyce, even any one of the leads minus dustin (they aren't that good at acting as I thought....some people do get worse the more they do something. Mike and Will were fucking awful in practically every scene this season), but you TOOK EDDIE YOU FUCKS! It deserves two points on this list!

So yeah. I don't care that they killed eddie, per say, but how/why he died was fucking stupid in every sense of the word. Go out in a blaze of glory? Nope. Fall off my bike and get picked to death by murder bats. woot woot.

I may just watch the last episode of the next season. Just get to the meat of it. Cuz....it took about 5-6 episodes for this season even to be interesting. It's not a horror movie. Maybe sci fi thriller, but it's not scary. I don't think ever once this series scared me. So quit trying to do dark/foreboding scenes and MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN!

End of rant. I had type this or scream this, and I am not in a yelling mood just yet....

[restinpeacesensei]

[vyeoh]

this is your chance: wax poetic about an Empires or DSMP character of your choice to a fan who is new to both. Explain why I should love them. I need guidance in this new and meme-populated land.

okok this is a lot of pressure haha. Spoilers for EmpiresSMP and DreamSMP below, obviously. I wrote a lot so prepare yourself, anon

I watch a lot of empires POVs but the ones I most anticipate every week are Scott and Sausage.

c!Scott (I'll call him Smajor for the sake of simplicity) starts off the series chilling, not really getting involved with the rest of the server, and staying aggressively neutral. After all, he's an elf. He has lived far longer than most of the other rulers already, and will most likely outlive them for many years. So, the best thing is to stick to his mountains and not get invested in the dealings of mortal affairs, maybe sometimes causing problems on purpose and dipping because what's life without a little spice right.

But then, this demon comes to the server, Xornoth. He's going around causing havoc and wants to send the world into an eternal winter, but he doesn't bother the kingdom of Rivendell much so Smajor stays tentatively cautious but ultimately unbothered. But then, the puzzle pieces start falling together. The first thing that the audience noticed was was Xornoth sounded like Smajor, but we mostly thought that this was just due to cc!Scott voicing both of them and there was nothing more to it. However, then, the people the demon starts possessing start chanting in elvish. The demon hates mortals, and the elves are conveniently one of the two confirmed not fully mortal races in Empires.

This culminates when Smajor stumbles across a cave that contains the backstory of the patron god of Rivendell, Aeor. Basically, there's two opposing forces, Aeor and Exor, and both have a champion. In a previous life, those champions were two brothers, where Aeor eventually prevailed and banished Exor. In this life though, the champions are - you guessed it - Smajor, and the demon Xornoth.

So now Smajor is like. Well fuck. It's my literal god-given destiny to be responsible for defeating this demon who is technically my brother, and if I fail the server gets plunged into an eternal winter. And I have no fucking clue what is happening because I've just been here on this mountain actively trying to stay out of the issues outside my kingdom. We watch him panic and teeter on the verge of spiraling for an entire episode, and when the followers of Xornoth go to the End to kill the dragon, releasing Xornoth's full powers, he fails to stop him. Smajor is a character who was used to being the smart one, the prepared one, the one who has the least deaths on the server. But he's also a character who runs away from his problems and ignores them. Before and during the dragon fight, we hear the desperation in his voice, as he's thrown into a situation he is wholly unprepared for, and it's bigger than him going to the Cod Empire to kill their king, or assisting in other people's plans to kill the codfather. He can't run from this. cc!Scott plays this scene so well as well, as I've said before, one of the best parts of Scott's acting is how he's never super dramatic, but he's so effective in the little things like inflection to make you feel, viscerally, the panic and dread.

So after the dragon fight, Smajor realizes, I can't do this on my own. I've tried and failed. So he gets allies. We watch him, someone who has so strongly been an isolationist, learn the benefits of allies and watch him learn to trust others and watch him learn how to get that trust in return.

My favorite thing about Smajor's characterization is that he's an incompetent protagonist, but not in the way of the "plucky young adventurer". He's capable skill-wise, and fairly jaded and very pessimistic. However, his issue is that up until recently, he did not care about the rest of the server at all, and by the time he learned to, it was way too late.

Also, in 3rd Life, cc!Scott and cc!Jimmy were canonically married and they reference it sometimes in Empires. Like, Scott goes over to the Cod Empire every so often both in and out of character to kill and/or flirt with Jimmy, the ruler of the Cod Empire, which may develop as a secondary plot into the future who knows. So ty Scott for giving the gays what they want o7

Now onto Sausage: his is a story of Icarus, his hubris and ambition being his downfall. He's one of the two followers of Xornoth, who promised him endless power in exchange for his servitude. He started the series being eccentric, but not outright unhinged, but slowly gets more and more extreme as the series progresses, as he gets brought more and more to Xornoth's side.

One of the best parts of Sausage's character, in my opinion, is how his gradual corruption affects the people around him. Initially, he got into a conflict with the Cod Empire and was allied with two other people in the Witherrose alliance. They were allies, but also close friends. The fandom liked to joke that the three had sibling energy, and I'm pretty sure the ccs played to that even more lol.

It was painful to watch the other two members, Gem and fWhip, watch Sausage get corrupted right in front of them, and see them desperately clinging on to this old idea of Sausage in their head because if they faced the truth, it would mean that their friend was gone. Eventually, they do finally cut him out of the alliance, leading him to fully commit to the side of the demon. Sausage felt very clearly betrayed by this, and declared the remaining two Witherrose alliance members to be enemies.

He gets more and more possessed, and we even see the other Empires, his enemies even, slowly realize that something is very wrong with the ruler of Mythland. He starts doing more and more evil things, like killing people more, making sacrifices to the demon, and eventually helping to kill the dragon to free Xornoth. So things are good for Sausage, for a bit. He won, and is more powerful than ever. Then he finds out: he's going to die. Xornoth's possession is slowly killing his soul, and eventually, his body going to be fully taken over and he himself is going to be trapped in the spirit realm. So how do you react to this? Over the next few episodes, we watch Sausage struggle between "the demon is literally killing me" and "the demon has given me so much, and I love it", all while Xornoth takes over more and more of him. We hear him exclaim that "don't worry!! I'm still about 15% there!" while trying to downplay every time Xornoth completely takes over his body. We watch him willingly oppose anyone who is trying to end the thing that is killing him.

My favorite thing about Sausage is that he is undoubtedly evil and proud of it, but he's also undoubtedly human. If you like to watch evil characters go absolutely feral, he's the guy for you. He makes the deal with Xornoth in the beginning, knowing and fully embracing the evilness of the demon, but at the same time he knows what he's doing is detrimental to both himself and everyone around him, but he's gotten in way too deep at this point, and to be fair the demon has held up its end fo the bargain, right?

Also, I would be damned if I don't talk about cc!Sausage's editing. Every one of his videos is like a movie. The way he does camera angles and uses music is so skillful- every lore scene feels like something out of a high fantasy action saga (think: LotR). Every big lore event I always wait in anticipation for Sausage's ep because his editing truly takes lore to another level.

I'm just generally very excited to see where this series goes. Empires is such a good mix of talented builders and good lore. Part of the reason why the series is so immersive for me, beyond any other lore smp, is that they have the settings to back it up. There is a certain charm to the DreamSMP's objectively terrible builds (with a few exceptions) but in Empires, the settings help sell the plot so much.

Another part of why I love EmpiresSMP is how much the ccs are involved with the fan community. I'm sure you've seen the memes about Scott being on tumblr, and Sausage regularly goes through the EmpiresSMP fanart tag on Twitter and likes art, even ones not related to Mythland. Most of the ccs, in fact, have brought up tumblr content on stream at some point or another. Like, several ccs have said that they read tumblr lore theories and hcs and stuff and sometimes take inspiration from them. Fun fact: Rivendell's church was inspired by my pinned drawing; confirmed by Scott Smajor himself. It's just such a good cycle of ccs and fans being excited about each other.

As for DreamSMP, I'm gonna be honest here, the only person I really am invested in in Technoblade. I started watching when he joined the server, and he's the only person whose lore I keep up to date with.

Techno's fun to watch because he's like the Deadpool of DreamSMP. Virtually unkillable, very skilled and scary, but consistently cracks jokes and breaks the 4th wall during plot. His POV is just fun. Like, he does wild plans and gives speeches and some of the stuff that happens to him should be called deus ex machine if it wasn't for the fact that Technoblade is the one who's doing it, and all the stuff is grounded in the fact that cc!Techno is just that good at the game.

However, the fact that he rarely takes anything seriously makes the few times Techno is 100% serious so much more impactful. His whole character has a basis in being perceived as inhuman and being treated as such, and therefore in return trying to hide his humanity. So, when he shows that humanity, whether that's fear, anger, or genuine love for his friends, it really makes you go "oh shit."

Techno's often said not to have character development, but I'd argue that while he remains steadfast in his moral code, he develops leaps and bounds as a person. Like, at the beginning, he's brought onto the server to help Wilbur and Tommy overthrow a government; them knowing he's 1) an anarchist and 2) very very powerful. His character was more of a plot device at that point and was treated as such in the canon. Wilbur and Tommy straight-up lie to him about their plans to establish another government after they overthrow the current one, while he was led on to believe that they were abolishing all governments in the area. But he isn't a plot device. He's a person, as much as he only shows the terrifying, blood god side of himself.

After the establishment of New Lmanburg (the new government its a long story), his friend Phil joins. And for the first time, we see him be fully human with someone and we see someone treat him like a human. Like, we saw glimpses before, with Wilbur and Tommy in Pogtopia, but Phil is the first person we noticeably see he trusts 100%. Then Doomsday happens, and Techno essentially retires to the tundra. During this time, we see Techno learn to be more human, first with Ranboo, then Niki when he establishes the Syndicate. In fact, the two of them, along with Phil, canonically throw him a birthday party, which is a far cry from his treatment in Pogtopia.

Techno's development is one of a god learning to be human, and I just think he <3

[sunflowersoonyoung]

honeyed | jinho

w.c ↠ 2.5k

pairing↠ jinho x fem! reader

genre/s ↠ smut (light bondage, overstimulation, fem!oral), incubus! jinho, soft dom! jinho, supernatural au!, office au!

description ↠ falling asleep at work leads to an oddly realistic dream about your hot boss Jinho

warning/s ↠ suggestive themes, supernatural themes

a/n ↠ wow okay can you tell that jinho is my ptg bias. I seriously thirsted over him in this oneshot. this is one of my favourite smuts I've written here! I wrote it carefully and reread it three times so I'm proud of it :)

tags ↠ @prismwon

-

Anxiety washed over you from head to toe, rising with each passing second. You clasped a trembling hand to your chest to feel your heart fluttering against your ribcage.

Taking a deep breath, you steeled yourself before pushing open the glass door to work.

The publishing office was bright with mellow, natural lighting, an open room dotted with large desks cluttered with stationary. Some of your coworkers had already arrived and had busied themselves with various tasks - bustling distractedly around the room.

“G-Good morning, everyone!”

You tried to announce your presence as boldly as you could; despite this, barely anyone bothered to even glance in your direction. You swallowed nervously and made a bee-line for your desk.

New to the workforce and fresh from University, acclimatising had been a difficult journey. No one was willing to sacrifice any precious time to help you - or even welcome you, for that matter. You felt utterly ostracised by the team. They had all apparently established their clique, and you were not invited.

The one exception had been the lead editor: Jo Jinho, your boss and the office eye candy.

“Good morning, (F/n).”

As if reading your thoughts, Jinho’s melodic voice drifted over your shoulder. You swallowed, feeling sweat prickle your armpits in response to his presence.

“You look bright today. I hope you’re making good progress on that manuscript.”

You pivoted in your chair to face him, in turn becoming stricken by his gaze. There was something unusual about Jinho, something that had successfully hypnotised many of your coworkers, including yourself.

He was impossible to resist. From his handsome exterior to his pleasant interior, he was genuinely mesmerising - like the sunrise in the morning after a cold night.

“Y-Yes, thank you,” you stammered, forcing a polite smile. Jinho’s smile in response was a thousand watts bright, his creased eyes just as radiant.

He was gone just as quickly as he had appeared, interacting with everyone else on the path to his desk. Your nerves melted from your taut muscles, and you breathed a sigh of relief, secretly thankful that Jinho had moved on. Being beneath his attention was too challenging to handle. You withdrew your laptop from your bag and made a start on work for the day.

Unfortunately, your concentration was coming through like a sputtering hose. You were not yet accustomed to working in a room with ten other people and limited silence.

Your attention drifted around the office. You observed conversations, watching as a young girl was scolded; a middle-aged man answered the phone with a frustrated visage.

You could not help but become drawn to Jinho.

He was hovering over someone’s shoulder - Seunghee, you vaguely remembered her name to be. Girls in the editing team tended to ask him for help suspiciously frequently. It was apparent they all simply longed after Jinho’s presence.

Admittedly, it was tempting. In that position, you could feel his breath against your ear.

You quickly became absorbed in observing him. It was not just his pretty features. His expressions were genuine, his explanations clear and concise. Fully believing you were free to admire him, you forgot your surroundings and lost yourself.

Abruptly, Jinho’s gaze shifted from Seunghee’s work to you. It was such a subtle shift that you almost failed to notice it. Electricity shot across your skin upon realisation, heat blossoming from your ears to your cheeks.

Though it was too late, you looked back to your computer screen. Out of the corner of your eyes, you could see him grinning. That cruel image worsened your embarrassment.

As your mind buzzed with thoughts of Jinho’s grin, you struggled to return your focus to the manuscript as much as you tried. You huffed frustratedly.

“Everything okay, (F/n)?”

You wondered with horror if he intended to make things more difficult. Your humiliation should have been apparent, and yet here he was, standing directly behind you with a hand resting on the back of your chair.

“Y-Yes,” you responded, refusing to tear your eyes from your laptop. You could hear your voice quaking.

His palm settled on your desk, confining you. It was no longer possible to pretend he wasn’t there. His face was far too close for you to deal with.

“Really? Hmm,” He hummed, “There must be some other reason you were staring at me then.”

You could not even begin to imagine how crimson your face was. Was Jinho teasing you? It certainly felt like it.

He snorted faintly, withdrawing. On the edge of your vision, you could see him smiling broadly.

-

After getting very little work done for the rest of the afternoon, you opted to stay behind and work overtime. The manuscript was due tomorrow evening, after all.

The office buzz began to fade, gradually declining till the room was entirely quiet. The only thing disconnecting the silence was the sound of fingers against keyboards.

You decided to take a short break as your fatigue began to increase. Shadows from the night sky crept across the floor. Usually, you liked to be fed and warm at home by this time. Your eyelids were heavy, your thoughts sluggish and tired.

It was only you and Jinho remaining at this stage. You had managed to keep your thoughts away from him until now. He was wrapped up in his work; his face blank with concentration. Sighing, you ignored him and returned to your own business.

The words on your laptop screen began to blend with each passing second. You squinted, blinking rapidly to counter the weariness that was dousing you like warm water. You had never been so tired at work - it was as if you were being dragged down by an invisible force, and nothing you did could stop it. It was a similar sensation to having too much alcohol.

Before you knew it, your head had lulled onto the cold desk, crumpling the papers in front of you.

-

Alarm overwhelmed your thoughts as you lifted your head from your desk.

You could not believe you had fallen asleep at work. Rubbing your eyes, you looked towards Jinho’s desk in panic, hoping to apologise and then flee. Relief washed over you - his chair was empty. Perhaps he had gone home.

Strangely enough, the room was hazy. Instead of its usual white light, it was rose-tinted and clouded. It did not look familiar to you.

“You fell asleep? How cute.”

You blinked, and Jinho seemed to appear directly beside you, seated on the table with one leg crossed over the other. He was admiring you, cupping his cheek whilst wearing an affectionate smile.

It took a moment for you to react; your head was abnormally thick, so your thoughts were slow, but once you realised what was happening, you became flustered.

“Your face tells me everything - your expressions are so honest. It’s adorable.”

Jinho leapt smoothly to his feet, circling you to place his hands on the back of your swivel chair and then rotating you till you were facing him. You could do nothing, frozen with anticipation and unsure what to expect next.

He leant in closely, leaning on the armrests, and you held your breath. His nose was close enough to brush against yours, yet his expression was unchanged - still as sweet as usual.

“Why don’t you let me make you feel good?” He hummed. His gaze was direct, and you swooned inwardly when you finally met it. In contrast to his soft nature, his eyes were hard. You tried to swallow but your throat had gone dry.

“Wh-what if someone sees?” You stammered shyly.

Jinho chuckled, his eyes crinkling in amusement, “no one will see. I promise.”

He placed his hands on your knees, maintaining eye contact as he rubbed reassuringly. He pushed his hands up your thighs, catching the fabric of your skirt and baring your thighs to the air. You could not look away, dizzyingly mesmerised by him. Your head was getting light and hot.

Finally, Jinho kissed you. It was a shallow, chaste kiss that tasted of vanilla and made you feel as if you were melting into the chair.

You could not split your concentration between the kiss and the way his warm palms rubbed against your thighs. The combination was causing a spike of burning excitement to prickle between your legs.

He parted from you with a soft pop and offered you a hand. You were too flustered and weak-kneed to stand steadily, but it hardly mattered - Jinho did not make you stand for long.

“Let me taste you, gorgeous.”

Jinho was simultaneously gentle and firm as he guided you to his desk, carelessly sweeping it clear. You gasped when he spun you around, essentially folding you over the surface. The varnished wood was cold through the thin fabric of your shirt, momentarily sobering you to reality.

With your ass in the air, he hitched up your skirt to reveal your underpants. You were uneasy about the fact that you could not see what he was doing.

“Hands behind your back, please.”

This was Jinho’s first true order.

The way his voice dropped a few notes sent chills down your spine, goosebumps travelling across your skin. You were trembling as you obeyed, swallowing a nervous squeak when he loosely wrapped fabric around your wrists, tying them together.

“I’m not punishing you, sweet. It’s just some extra fun for you,” Jinho reassured. Admittedly you were both anxious and aroused by his decision to tie you up. It made your heart pound fast against your ribcage.

With you properly restrained, Jinho determined that it was time to begin his ministrations.

His fingers ran up and down your slit through your underwear before hooking the fabric and drawing it aside. You strained against your bonds and arched your back when he made direct contact with your pussy. It was only a subtle touch, and yet pleasure was already rippling across your body.

“That feels good, doesn’t it?”

Jinho’s voice was dripping with honey, and yet his fingers were cruel. He grazed your clit with his fingertip and then dragged his finger back down between your lips and teased your entrance with slight pressure, and then repeated this process.

He was not entirely giving in to you, and you were becoming so sensitive that tears of desperation were beginning to sting your eyes.

“J-Jinho .... please,” you pleaded, feeling helpless - frantic for more.

“Please, what?” He hummed in response, “Tell me what to do, sweet, and I’ll do it. Use your words.”

Despite being dazed and overwhelmed, you still managed to respond, albeit in a small voice, “I-I want your lips and your fingers.”

“Of course, sweet.”

He pressed his thumb directly to your clitoris, and you gasped, toes curling. He languidly rolled his thumb, observing you whilst cleverly allowing your pleasure to build. Your focus honed in on his touches, no longer paying attention to the noises passing through your lips.

“The more I touch you, the prettier noises you make,” Jinho commented.

Abruptly, he filled you up with his forefinger. Your breath hitched in your throat, hardly expecting him to make that leap.

You cried out when his lips sucked in your clitoris, gradually fucking you with his finger. He eased you into a swift orgasm, pressing fluttering kisses to the backs of your thighs while you trembled.

“Good girl~. One more time?”

Before you could respond, Jinho had added a second finger and was pistoning them inside of you much quicker than earlier. You were incredibly wet thanks to your orgasm, and he seemed to be using that to his advantage.

His tongue teased your swollen clit, and you sobbed, “I-I’m too sensitive!” Seemingly uncaring, Jinho dragged you into a second, far more intense orgasm that had your legs thrashing and drool spilling out onto the desk.

Your ears were ringing, but you could hear Jinho chuckling as he removed himself.

“Was that too much?” He mused, cleaning his fingers with his mouth, “Can you take any more?”

You were still an empty shell, electricity and heat clinging to your skin mingled with a sheen of sweat. His hands smoothed over your ass cheeks, a comforting action that made your heart soften. You twisted around to look at him dazedly.

Jinho was just as gorgeous as ever, though he had lost some of his neatness. The restraint around your wrist was apparently his necktie, which was missing, and he had undone his button-up shirt to reveal a sliver of his flawless chest. He combed his fingers through his hair, gleaming at you proudly.

“The look on your face tells me you want more,” he purred, rolling his hips against your backside. You mewled and rocked backwards, feeling his hard cock straining through his pants. You had never been so delirious, hungry to feel every inch of him.

“Ho~ such an insatiable girl,” Jinho unzipped his pants, sliding the tip of his cock over your slick folds. Even that simple action felt incredible.

“Oh, my God.”

Jinho filled you up, stuffing you in one lazy stroke. You were so full, your pussy throbbing delightfully around him.

“Please,” you begged, wanting nothing more than for him to fuck you, “Jinho-ah, please.” He scoffed in response before giving in to your desires.

The way he fucked you was utterly sadistic in contrast to his sweet nature. He was relentless in the way his hips slammed against yours, no longer offering you any mercy. You were defenceless to him, only able to dig your nails into your palm whilst bracing yourself.

“So tight,” he groaned, hanging his head back in bliss.

He angled his hips upwards, the head of his cock meeting a sweet spot. You started contracting around him, the pleasure in the pit of your belly peaking.

“I’m gonna-,” you managed to slur out before you came hard, so hard that stars speckled behind your clenched eyes. You practically ascended into the ceiling, losing all sense of Jinho’s thrusts and anything else around you.

Ink drowned your vision as you passed out.

-

“(F/n)?”

Your head was weighty as you lifted it, heat throbbing between your legs in response to the vivid dream you had just woken from.

Jinho was peering down at you, his hand warm on your shoulder.

“You should go home if you’re so tired,” he sighed, wearing a concerned expression. You were in shock, simply unable to process that what had just occurred had been entirely in your head. You could still feel his thickness inside you, still feel the intense climax he had given you.

“Are you okay? You look flushed,” Jinho cocked his head, the worry growing on his face. You waved your hand dismissively.

“I-I’m fine. I should go home.”

He hovered nearby as you packed away your laptop, silently observing you. You were ready to leave when he finally broke the silence.

“Let’s do that again,” Jinho suggested innocently, his smile no different from his usual one, “you’re so cute when you beg.”

[laurenairay]

3 with Seggy if possible? Thanks 💚

Thanks for requesting this one @romanseggy – I hope you enjoy it! Very much inspired by I Won’t Give Up, by Jason Mraz. Also tagging @texanstarslove as he is your OG man  💖

This is the first blurb of my birthday prompt list! Starting the countdown to the big day…now!

“It’s you, it always has been”

*

“Hey, sweetheart, are you busy?”

You looked up from where you were reading your book on the sofa, to where Tyler was crouched over the dogs lying on their beds, and couldn’t help but smile fondly at him. He was such a softie sometimes.

“Never too busy for you,” you shot back, winking dramatically.

Tyler laughed, giving Marshall one last head ruffle before walking over to you. He held out a hand for you to take, which you did, although you raised an eyebrow suspiciously at him. What was he up to?

“Dance with me?” he asked, smiling oh-so-innocently.

“Are you going to tell me what you’re really doing if I do?”

“Of course,” Tyler grinned.

Well that was that then. You rested one hand on his chest, his arm going around your waist – his free hand pressed a button on his phone, before he tucked it into his pocket, and took your own hand with his, clasping it gently. The opening bars of a song started playing, Tyler swaying you from side to side, making your heart beat a little faster. Where this came from, you didn’t know. But you were sure as hell going to appreciate it while it lasted.

When I look into your eyes

It's like watching the night sky

Or a beautiful sunrise

Well, there's so much they hold

“Oh I love this song!” you gasped

Tyler just grinned, squeezing your waist gently. “I know you do,”

You laughed at his blasé attitude, throwing your head back slightly. This man really could be ridiculous sometimes. But god knows you loved him anyway.

You really did love him.

“I know you think I’m ridiculous,” Tyler murmured, “But indulge me?”

Damn he knew you well. Whoops.

“Of course I will, you old romantic,” you mused.

Tyler winked in response, just pulling you a little closer, making you sigh happily as you continued to sway to the music.

Well, I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

Tyler cleared his throat, making you look up at him. The seriousness on his face made you frown. He never looked this serious unless it was something important. What was wrong? You couldn’t help but frown.

“Everything okay, Ty?” you asked softly.

Your boyfriend just huffed a laugh, smiling wryly at you. “You always have been able to read me so well,”

“Well, I mean, after all these years it would be worrying if I couldn’t,” you said dryly, trying to keep your tone light.

Because you could see in his eyes that he was nervous. So nervous. What was making him act like this?

“You’re right, we have been together a long time now. So long that I don’t know what I would do without you in my life,”

The softness of his voice made your breath catch in your throat. Why was he saying these things?

“Ty?” you asked, confused.

“When I think of how I want to spend the rest of my life, with who I want to spend the rest of my life…it’s you, it always has been,” he said seriously.

A lump rose in your throat as your heart started beating a little faster. Was he…was he really…

Oh god.

“I just don’t want to spend another day without knowing that you’ll always be by my side, like I’ll always be like yours. You make me want to be a better man, sweetheart. And I promise I always will try to be exactly what you deserve,”

You whimpered as Tyler let go of you, reaching into his pocket, barely able to remember how to breathe, let alone able to control all of the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm you.

And then he stepped back, and knelt down on one knee. You couldn’t take your eyes off him as he reached out for your hand.

“I love you. So much,” he murmured.

Your breath caught in your throat. “I love you too,” you whispered.

Then he smiled.

“Will you marry me?” he asked.

The way he looked up at you, eyes so full of love and hope, made all of your careful control crumble, and you found yourself unable to stop the tears that trickled down your cheeks as you nodded a little helplessly.

“Of course I will. Of course I’ll marry you!” you said, voice more than a little shaky.

The relief that flooded across Tyler’s face was instant, making you laugh a little wetly as he slowly slid the ring onto your finger. Holy shit. Holy shit. Did that really just happen?

“Get up here so I can kiss you,” you demanded.

Tyler laughed, quickly standing up to take your lips in a firm kiss, arms sliding around you tightly as you threw your arms around his neck. When you eventually pulled away, it wasn’t only your face that was wet with tears.

“I was so nervous,” he admitted, voice a little choked up.

“I could tell you were nervous…but I had no idea you were going to do this,” you giggled, trying to wipe your cheeks dry.

“You had no idea?” he laughed.

You just shook your head, smiling. “Best surprise ever,”

Tyler threw his head back laughing, making you smile even wider.

“You know, I always thought you would want something more public than this,” you confessed.

You knew how much his public image meant to him – you’d gotten used to that a long time ago.

“But I knew you wouldn’t,” Tyler shrugged, smiling at you.

Butterflies filled your stomach. This man. This incredibly thoughtful man.

“Ty…” you murmured.

“I compromised,” Tyler added, a little sheepishly.

Oh?

“Oh?” you asked, repeating your thought.

Tyler looked over to where the dogs were still lying, making you confused. What?

“Marshall, come here boy!”

You couldn’t help but laugh, hand flying up to cover your mouth, as you spotted the GoPro strapped to Marshall’s chest. That sneak was setting it up just before he asked you to dance!

“I figured it might be pretty fun to play at our wedding? You know, after we’ve edited? We can also take stills from the video, if you wanted to send a photo to your family,” Tyler suggested hopefully.

You jaw dropped slightly at his planning, tears springing to your eyes. He really had thought all of this through, hadn’t he?

“Yeah, yeah that sounds good to me,” you nodded, sniffing.

Tyler grinned, pressing a slow sweet kiss to your lips, before he leaned down to stop the camera recording. You ruffled Marshall’s ears, what a good boy, before you looked back up at Tyler.

“We haven’t finished our dance yet, Mr Seguin,” you said simply.

The smile that spread over Tyler’s face made your heart beat a little faster.

“No we haven’t, soon-to-be-Mrs Seguin,” he grinned.

Holy shit.

Tyler laughed at the stunned look on your face as he tugged you back into a dance hold, swaying you together once more.

'Cause even the stars, they burn

Some even fall to the earth

We've got a lot to learn

God knows we're worth it

No, I won't give up

[azraaah177]

Astrology Observations

SCHOOL EDITION ✏📚

Soo I saw that many of you really liked my Astro observations so I decided to do a special edition- School!! 🖊📚🎒📘

Remember that you can use sun/moon/mercury/rising!

Enjoy!!! ❤❤❤

📚 》 I have noticed that Leo females take school really seriously and LOVE being a top student while leo males usually ditch classes and don't really care about school. 😲📉

📚 》 Sagittarians favourite subjects are Religion and Chemistry! They love learning about spirituality and things how life works!

📚 》 Aquarians are the ones that will talk about taboo topics in class INTENTIONALLY just to make people uncomfortable and push their buttons (And also change their CLOSE MINDEDNESS)☻. They are also usually the ones to talk about sexual stuff the most and will say it openly 😃💋.

📚 》 Geminis, arians and scorpios are one of the best cheaters at school tests 🤭📝 - while pisces is THE WORST, they stare 5 minutes to copy one word and like they forget that the teacher is looking 😂. Teachers usually let pisces cheat tho 😲📒.

📚 》 Scorpios are usually sitting in the last row and using their phone 24/7. They are the ones that dress uniquely, A LITTLE vampire like, have intense makeup, love the color black and go to the toilet just to smoke. 🚬

📚 》 Arians are least likely to care what grade they got and they even give the test to teacher completely empty! 😳

📚 》 Cancers are usually the best at foreign languages. Also a lot of people, if they need help at school, will ask cancers 📘🖊.

📚 》 Virgos and libras are probably best friends in class and get a long with everyone THE SAME like nobody even argues with them like what-..!? They hate drama and arguing so much 📔👭

📚 》 Geminis value education so much and they are the ones to sit in the first row and never stop asking teachers questions... 👩‍🏫😫

📚 》 Arian males can be bullies but they don't see it as bullying they see it as joking.. 🤡

📚 》 Capricorns are hella friendly! Capricorn is actually the one who will most likely be friends with that lonely person sitting alone! Virgos and cancers will do this too! 😔❤

📚 》 Taureans are part of the popular kids group and get quite good grades! 📈

📚 》 Taureans and capricorns also love dressing in school uniforms!

📚 》 Cancers and leos love debates while an aquarius loves watching and confusing people by debating both groups and noone even know which side they are on! 🤔

📚 》 Capricorns usually go in private expensive schools for some reason(sun/moon/rising/venus also), and they love wearing watches and buying expensive wallets and shoes. ⌚

📚 》 Most girls in school have crushes on Virgo boys idk why they just that popular kid that has all A's ☺️

📚 》 Cancers, Pisces, Sagittarians, Geminis, Capricorns, Scorpios are the ones to remember their old crush/love the most. When listening to songs they will put most emotions to what has been and happened and in school they sometimes talk about them 💔🙂. When they are bored in school they will write about them like in poems or stories. Im being serious 😫

📚 》 When zodiacs get to do a presentation about whichever theme they like they would do this (From my school experience) : ● Aries would do it about the most popular sportsman/woman for ex. Mohammed Ali 🥊

● Taurus wouldn't even do it and teacher wouldn't notice AT ALL (I swear this happened and I didn't believe 😂)

● Gemini would probably do their favorite Celebrity Star (Retro possibly like Marlyin Monroe) 🌟

● Cancer would do a theme about The most popular healthy food cook or The "royal family" like Princess Diana 👸

● Leo would do a theme on Dancing or ice skating 🕺⛸

● Virgo would do a theme on their favorite movie 🎥

● Libra would do a theme on photography or friendship 📸👭

● Scorpio would do a theme on Coco Chanel 💋

● Sagittarius would do a theme on Gamesss 🖱⌨

● Capricorn would do a theme on scientology, forensic ☠

● Aquarius would do a theme "Extraterrestrial existence" 🚀👽

● Pisces would do about CATS and the teacher would be amazed and love it more than any other presentation for some reason??? 🙀😹🤔

Ty!!! ❤❤❤

[crown-anon]

aah i thought of a req!!!!! could i maybe request one shots or hcs (separate) w dream, sapnap, n wilbur with a s/o (preferred he/him!!) who draws a whole lot,, n one day they catch him drawing him?? tysm :]

@ghcstbnr asked

gn i just realized i made a typo i meant cc catching reader drawing them- but ty again :)

of course! it's kind of long, sorry about that

I took a little creative liberty with the notion of "catching you drawing." also Sapnap's looks kind of long but it's also dialogue heavy. if you want me to redo it, I will. hope you like it 💗

& a note to everyone else, I don't write for Wilbur yet! I only write for the dream team at this time. sorry about that! this will probably change in the future, though, so look out 👀

CW: swearing

format: one-shot

people: dreamwastaken, Sapnap

pronouns: dreamwastaken's piece is ambiguous, Sapnap's piece uses he/him

edited 27 April 2021

—

dreamwastaken

since he doesn't use his camera, you find yourself with your boyfriend in the studio more often than not. when he's gaming casually, you play together, or one of you will cheer the other one on. when he's streaming, sometimes you interact with the viewers, or read donations for him; sometimes you just sit next to him, soaking up his energy and warmth. when he's working long days and long nights to edit videos, you're content with just relaxing together in the same space. at times you have to drag him out to the kitchen to eat, or help him to bed if he passes out, but…he's really cute when he's focused. (and you're starting to think he does it on purpose just so you can dote on him.)

today is a little different. he's recording for a manhunt that's meant to drop in a couple days. you're quiet, trying to avoid disrupting them. you're perched up on the loveseat, staring fondly at him across the room. he's so animated, the way his eyes shine when he talks to his friends, how he tears up when he laughs…

Patches mews at you from the arm of the couch, as if to say, disapprovingly, I cannot believe how sickeningly sweet your inner monologue is.

and you try to understand where she's coming from, you really do, but the sun's starting to set, and the gentle rays slotting through the blinds are shifting from white to gold.

he looks so divine, you decide. it's unfair. how could I not love him? he's seriously pretty. and before you can stop yourself, you're sketching him out on your tablet. you glance up at him fast to get the details right, and look away just as quickly. he never meets your eyes. soon your whole page is covered in little Clays, capturing the way he feels, the way he acts, the way you feel about him. Patches jumps off the chair, with all the moving. and before you know it, you've drawn up a whole page of concept art of your unfairly beautiful boyfriend. Patches was right about me, you muse to yourself.

fuck. Patches. the same Patches who's been meowing at you for the better part of an hour, now sitting patiently at the door? there's no way Clay didn't pick up on all that noise, you fret. but he's still playing, looking intense as ever. relief washes over you, replacing the guilt.

come here, girl, you think to yourself, knowing Patches wouldn't have even understood you if you spoke. sorry to keep you waiting. and you rise, slipping quietly out the door with his cat in your train.

—

you're coming back to the studio. Patches, fed and sated, is napping in another room. opening the door, you have to stop yourself, you freeze. your boyfriend's kneeling on the ground, sitting on his heels, right next to the door—you'd have hit him if it opened any further.

"baby, what are you…" the words die on your tongue.

my book. my sketchbook. my sketchbook full of drawings of him. shit, he's gonna think I'm such a simp! the embarrassment, the shame, the fear, it's overwhelming you.

you hear your voice break. "…what happened to recording…?"

"finished half an hour ago," he says simply.

and that was that. for the first time in ages, the silence hanging between you was thick and heavy with tension. you wait. and wait. and wait. you wait for the criticism, the hate, the argument that never comes.

suddenly, he seems content with what he's seen, when he looks up at you adoringly, and takes one of your hands, giving it a soft squeeze. "is that…me?"

you've lost your voice, all you can do is nod.

"you…you think I'm beautiful?" he glows.

ah, I suppose I did write that, somewhere in there. you look away. all the things I've said…

he brings your hand up to his lips and leaves kisses on your knuckles.

you sound small. "do I not tell you that enough?" you pause. "that you're beautiful? that I love you?"

and just like that, his nervousness dissolves into euphoria. you both start laughing at the same time.

"oh my god—" he wheezes. "—you're so sappy."

"only for you," you blurt out, and start laughing harder. but he quiets, he hesitates.

"only for me," he repeats.

you sink down onto the floor next to him. he's staring so fondly at you, you can't help but smile back.

"only for you," you affirm.

he rests his hands on your knees, pulling himself closer to you. he's so close to you, you can feel his blush. you let your eyes close, softly.

but the kiss never comes. instead, you're met with a "then what about all those drawings of Patches?"

laying on the floor, tangled up in each other, in hysterics, you distantly think I hope he remembered to leave the call from recording earlier.

—

over dinner, you meet his gaze, and he gives you that look. that stupid, handsome look; the one with the smile and the danger behind his eyes. he makes a point of pausing mid-bite, but it takes you a minute to notice that he's stopped eating.

"what's up, honey?" you ask, sounding a little more concerned than you should have been.

he shrugs dramatically. "oh, nothing…just figured you'd appreciate a muse." there it was. the teasing. you knew it would happen eventually. but the tone, it's kind, it's tempting; gentle, unlike a serious jab.

so all you do is roll your eyes, but you can't help the way your mouth quirks into a smile. "you're so dumb," you murmur with affection, and shake your head at nothing in particular.

Patches curls her tail around your ankle as she passes you by.

—

on the couch hours later for movie night, you're the last one up. Patches is curled up in Clay's lap, purring. Clay, in turn, sleeps soundly in your lap. (you think if he could purr, he would, but he settles for humming softly when you play with his hair.) you might think it's funny looking back on it later, but it feels so tender and vulnerable now. you like calm evenings like this one. Studio Ghibli plays quietly on the flatscreen; you don't know which one, you're not really paying attention anymore.

you're busy tracing the contours of Clay's skin, feeling more than seeing his shape in the dark room. mapping him out in your mind, learning his figure like you're seeing him for the first time again. you think you understand him a little bit better, every day you spend together. and with confidence, you make your first stroke, illuminated by the moon.

—

Sapnap

you only barely stop yourself from drawing a big "X" across your paper. exhale, and start erasing furiously. don't rip the paper—well, we didn't need that sheet anyway. ball it up and throw it at the dark, cobwebbed corner of the room. along with the rest of your mistakes.

you're trying. you're really trying. but those lips. his fucking lips. fuck.

your boyfriend smiles at the camera as he gets a donation with a sweet message on it. it should be so easy. he's right there. right here.

you check the time. it's been an hour. you've been trying, and miserably failing, to get his lips right for an entire hour. today, at least. you scoff at yourself, your misery, and pinch the bridge of your nose. it isn't fair.

his camera's on, and he's live, so you know you can't be in there with him. nobody knows you're together, and you don't want know what kind of backlash to expect if people found out. so you've been avoiding his streams…the whole room where he streams, really.

you've kept yourself busy by drawing. and you've cycled through many subjects in your life, and eventually, been able to draw whatever you put your mind to with enough time and effort. the problem is, your sights have been set on Sapnap, even for months before you got together. okay, maybe that isn't the problem. the actual problem is that you fucking suck at drawing him.

you get going, start it out, do an okay job, but midway through screw it all up somehow. to make things worse, your reference is his 2D image. he doesn't…know that you draw him. you're terrified to say. so you can't use the real life Sapnap as a reference, like you would prefer.

ugh, and this one's ruined too. you rip it up and throw it at your growing pile of paper balls, but being tiny confetti-sized pieces of paper, they don't make it very far. great, something else to clean up later, you huff at your own thoughts. it isn't fair.

—

"[name]?" he calls for you. you're one step ahead, already opening the door. you can't remember when you got here and decided to brood outside his room.

"hey, do you think you can—" he tears his eyes from his camera, his waiting audience, to look up at you expectantly. when he sees you he stops immediately, looking concerned, standing to meet you.

"what is it?" your voice is flat.

out of view of the camera, he mouths, are you okay? you only shrug and avert your eyes.

he falters, contemplates, sits back down at his desk and starts to talk to his viewers. "hey guys, I'm sorry for the short notice, but I gotta cut this stream short. my…" he glances at you for approval, only to see you motioning with your hands as if to say, no, don't.

(you yourself don't really know what for. no, don't end the stream for me? no, don't out us like this?)

he looks back. "…my friend…something came up with my friend. I have to take care of it. it's really important." you can tell he has trouble finding the right words. you can tell it throws him off, he's acting out of character for his internet personality. do you blame him? isn't this your fault? "sorry again. bye guys!"

the second he made the last click, he gets up and pulls you into a hug. it's unexpected, it knocks the wind out of you. you're certain he feels the tension.

"babe…what's wrong?" it's muffled by your neck and the sweater you're wearing. you just hold him, saying nothing.

he pulls away and holds you by the shoulders. "look at me. what's wrong?"

you feel all the more embarrassed. it's so silly to be upset about. "I…I…well, it's a lot."

he shakes his head, to say I'm not going anywhere, but his expression softens, his grip loosens. "do you want to talk about it?"

you sigh. "it started as 'I can't draw for shit', then it became 'why am I afraid of asking you for help?', and finally, worst of all, 'why the fuck can't we be seen together?' it isn't fair. it's never been fair. I'm sorry."

he thinks about it for a second. "okay, what makes you feel like we can't be seen together?"

"are you joking?" you snap. "we're two fucking boyfriends. in this society." he didn't look hurt by the outburst, but the guilt crept in anyway. "…I'm sorry."

he shakes his head, "do you really think I'd let that happen? I wouldn't ever let anyone hurt you, darling. remember that."

"I know, I know…" you don't know what to say. "it's easy to forget, I guess."

"what are you afraid to ask me for help about?"

"I…" shit, you guess you have to tell him. close your eyes, breathe, "I've been drawing you. trying to draw you. but I can't, it never turns out right."

you peek, and he's red in the face, stuttering. "me? you draw me? of all the hot people out there?"

you furrow your eyebrows at him. "don't give me that shit. you know you're cute."

he shakes his head incredulously. "are we talking about the same person here?"

"dude, your smile is literally the most radiant fucking force of nature I have ever seen."

"you're hot too! why are you coming after me?"

"I'm not 'coming after you', you're being defensive about your looks, when you shouldn't be! you're gorgeous, baby."

you're both giggling like girls at a sleepover, the anger and frustration long forgotten. now it's a war of who can be more grossly in-love with the other.

"what part of me," he manages between laughs. "are you having trouble drawing?"

"oh god," you groan, remembering yourself and your dilemma. "your lips."

"my fucking lips? you would think that—"

"no," you warn. "shut up. don't say it. don't you dare say it."

he leans in close, his hands have moved up to cup your face. you shiver.

"don't worry," he grins. "I won't."

the kiss is long and sweet, nothing like the ones you've shared in the past. he takes his time, you savor each other. you feel time stop ticking, you feel your heart stop beating, you feel the way he tilts his head. you grab him by the collar of his shirt and pull him in. and when you part, you're breathing heavy, in tandem.

"thanks," you manage. "but I needed to see your lips, not kiss you into next saturday."

"nah," he laughs. "I think you needed that too."

you choose your words thoughtfully. "do you need me, too?"

he hums, and—

ding!

dreamwastaken donated $69!

:)

you could die. you could really, seriously die.

the response is instant. you don't even see Sapnap move from you to the PC, flushed down to his neck, apologizing, apologizing, and apologizing again. "change of plans, guys, we're doing an art stream!"

the chat is filled with "huh?"s and "what?"s.

"huh? what?" you didn't have the time to process what just happened.

karljacobs: I thought we were doing a make-out-with-our-secret-boyfriends stream :(

he smiled warmly at you. "yeah. my lovely boyfriend is going to draw me! he's been wanting to for a really long time, and his art is really good. let's go get your stuff."

you're in so much shock that he makes it past you and out of the room, while you stand there waiting. after a pause much longer than you intended, you hurry after him.

—

down the hall, in your room, he's got your sketchbook tucked under his arm, closed. you're sure you left it open when you came out.

you only barely get the words out. "um, did you…go through it? please don't laugh."

your heart sinks when he laughs heartily, but he grabs your hand, resting it on your book, about to hand it off. but he holds you there for a second. "of course not. I respect your privacy." he ponders for a moment. "I respect you."

you can feel the sigh of relief when you let it out. "I…love you."

your holding your book now, as he moves to collect the boxes containing your pens and pencils and colors. he gets them all together, but before he picks them up to head back, he turns around to face you. "is this too much?"

you absently reach for a hand, tracing over the lines on his palms. and you think about it. am I okay? is this too much?

"I don't think so. not with you. I'm okay."

he moves to open the door and grab the rest of your things. "well then, let's not keep them waiting!"

—

edited 27 April 2021

[tofeartheunknown]

Back to December

Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Request by @caritobbg

Not edited.

I only made the call because I had no other choice. I was relieved to hear Sam's voice on the other end of the line. After all, it's been three years since I've spoken to either of the Winchester boys.

"Hello?" Sam's groggy voice caused an involuntary smile.

"Hey, Sam. It's Y/N." I heard shuffling and assumed, along with the groggy greeting, I woke him up. "Sorry for calling at..." I looked at the alarm clock, "four in the morning. Oh God, sorry, I should call back later." I apologized. I lost track of time after midnight.

"No, no. It's really great to hear from you." I could hear the surprise in his voice. "What- ah, what's going on? Is everything alright?"

I cannot deny that I've missed the brothers. In particular, the one I wanted to avoid calling at all costs. I'm not sure I could have had this conversation with him, if he would have answered the phone, that it.

"Everything's fine. Well, not completely. Listen, I'm in Denver, and there's a Demon in town. I've been here for two weeks and I can't seem to catch him. Bodies keep dropping. I've narrowed down his hunting ground, but I think I need some help here." I bit my lip, awaiting his response. I mean, come on. I was with them for five years before leaving, no phone call, text, email, or letter, then all of a sudden call and ask for help.

"Why didn't you call Dean?" Seriously? That's his response. I couldn't stop the sigh that escaped.

"You know why. Besides, he probably wouldn't pick up the phone." His grunt told me he agreed.

"Alright, tell you what. Text me what motel your staying at and I'll talk to Dean." He sounds more awake now. I hear water running and assume he's making coffee.

I couldn't hold back my shock. "Really?! That's great, thank you!" I stood from the small couch.

Sam let out a small laugh. "Yeah, no problem. We'll be there tomorrow."

"See you then." I hung up after that, hoping to finally get some sleep.

I remember that night as if it just happened. Sam, Dean, and I just finished a hunt the night before. Dean and I decided to celebrate by getting a motel room for just the two of us. Sam understood out need to be alone and assured us he would be fine by himself for the night.

"This is amazing." I mumbled, cuddling closer to Dean on the motel bed. Porky's, Dean and, coincidentally my, favorite movie was playing on the TV.

"Yeah, we haven't had time for this in months." Dean agreed, his hand rubbing my arm that laid across his torso. "Too bad we have to pack up tomorrow."

This was news to me. I didn't think there was already another case. I hoped to spend at least a few more days like this with Dean.

I sat up at looked at him "Why so soon? We just finished here." He didn't seem to notice my disappointment.

"Well, Babe, monster don't take days off." Dean said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You know that. You grew up in this life, just like Sam and me."

My disappointment turned to anger. "Dean, you said it yourself, we haven't had any time to ourselves in months. We can afford to take some time off and relaxe." I stood from the bed, my tank top and jeans lay beside my feet.

"No, we really can't." Dean's raised his voice, not enough to disturbed the rooms next to us, but enough for me to realize an argument is starting.

"Five years, Dean. That's how long we've been together, and nothing's changed! It's the same thing year after year! Is this all I'm gonna get?" I was fuming. He doesn't understand that I want more than he seems to want out of our relationship.

This isn't the first time we've had this argument. But this is the first time I lay it all out.

"What are you talking about?!" Dean asked, now sitting at the edge of the bed.

"I mean, it was fun for a while. Hunting all the time together. But that's all it is now! Sure we get these little nights, but... I need more." It's the first time I've admitted to him. "Let's be honest here, we're falling apart, Dean."

Dean scoffed, clearly oblivious to the issues we've had recently. We've drifted apart, mostly due to the fact that we haven't been on the same page in a while.

"So, what? You wanna get married now?" He asked, his arms spread and an eyebrow raised. It was my turn to scoff while pulling on my jeans.

"No, smartass! I want an actual relationship with you!" I shout, pulling my tank top over my head. I sat on the edge of the bed and shoved my shows on, not bothering with socks or tying them. I was far to upset to care.

"What do you think we've been doing all this time?!" Dean yelled, putting his jeans on, knowing I'm about to leave. " What do you want from me? I got you flowers, got us a room, and took you to dinner? I don't know what else to do!" He sounded utterly desperate for answers, watching me pack my duffle bag.

"I want to feel like I'm not the only one holding us together!" I spun around as I yelled. "It's always one hunt after the other with you! I get that it's what we do, but I can't do just that anymore!" I felt the tears fall before I felt the stinging in my eyes.

Dean followed me out the door, my bag on my shoulder. I didn't even notice Sam step out from him room next to ours.

"Where are you going?" Dean's voice was slightly panicked, our fights have never gone this far before.

"Anywhere but here." I turned back to him. His glossy eyes almost too much to handle. "I love you, but I can't live this life with you anymore. I need more than this, but it seems like you don't. I'm sorry..."

Dean, shaking his head, let his tears fall freely. "Don't do this, Y/N, please." He whispered. His hand came up to cup my cheek. I grabbed it and moved away.

"Goodbye, Dean."

I never spoke to or saw either brother after that night. Walking away has been my biggest regret. But, now I have to get ready to meet them at a diner in town.

The butterflies in my stomach are raging as I parked a few spaced down from the all too familiar impala and the two bodies leaning against it. It's now or never, and though never sounds like a much better choice, I know this has to happen.

I stepped out of my car and pulled my bag over my shoulder. Sam, unsurprisingly, was the first to greet me, walking up with a large smile. Dean wouldn't look up from the ground, knowing it was me. I can't blame him, I could hardly look at him myself.

"Y/N." Sam opened his arms, a bit hesitant, not really knowing where we stood. But I walked right into his arms fully returning this much needed hug. I really did miss this. Sam was like a brother to me, and it hurt walking away from him too. "It's good to see you." He said, pulling away.

"It's good to see you too." I smiled up at him before looking over at Dean. I do my best to control my breathing, ignoring the tightening in my chest. "Both of you." I finished, hoping the green eyes would finally catch mine. Unfortunately, it was a false hope.

"We should get inside" Dean grumbled, then he began making his way to the diner entrance. I frown, pushing against the moisture threatening to gloss over my eyes.

A hand landing on the middle of my back, I looked over to Sam who gave me a sympathetic smile. "Give him time, trust me." He assured me, guiding me through the doors Dean went through.

"The Lexicon bar" I handed Sam my notes while we waited for our food. Dean still hasn't said a word to me, and even though I expected nothing more from him, it still feels like a dumbell is sitting on my chest. Dean glanced over the papers as well, so at least he's taking this seriously. That hasn't seemed to change.

Sam handed the papers back and I slid them in my bag. "OK, so what's the plan?" He asked, shooting the waiter a short nod and thanks when he sat our food in front of us. He picked up his veggie burger, while I picked at a few of my fries and Dean didn't even touch his. If this was under any other circumstance I would be shocked.

"I was thinking I play bait." Sam opened his mouth to object, but I quickly continued speaking. "You two can keep watch and catch us as we leave. All victims were found in the back ally. All female, no specific type. All victims participated in the bars open mic, starting from ten p.m. to one a.m.. I'll go one tonight while you stake out the crowd."

"How are you sure he'll choose you?" It is the first time Dean has actually acknowledged me since they got here. My palms begin to sweat any throat grew dry. I took a gulp of my drink.

"Well I don't exactly, but I do know how I could appeal to him more." I picked at my food more, avoiding eye contact.

Sam and Dean glaced at each other. "After we finish we'll go to the motel and start preping." Sam said before biting into his burger, starting off a very awkward lunch.

"There's not a day that goes by where I don't think about Dean. I messed up. I walked away and it's the biggest mistake I have ever made. Now, seeing him, it brings everything back. I never stopped loving him, and I honestly believe that I will love him for the rest of my life. After the hunt, do you think you can take my room tonight. I need to get him alone, I need to apologize. I need to at least try to get him back. I don't want him to leave without knowing how I feel." I explained to Sam as we waited for Dean to gather the rest of what we needed for the hunt. I'm wearing a knee length (color) dress, my Demon knife strapped in it holster on my thigh.

"He hasn't been the same since you left." Sam started. "You thought he was obsessed before, he's constantly seeking out hunts now." Sam sighed, leaning against Baby's passenger seat. "He won't admit it, but these three years have been absolute he'll for him. I hear him say you name in his sleep at night." He looked at the open motel room door, watching Dean assemble his gun with devil's trap bullets, just in case. "He'd still go to the ends of the earth for you." Sam has absolutely no idea how much that crushes me, but also gives me hope that Dean will hear me out.

I wiped a fallen tear from my cheek just as Dean walked out, closing the door behind him. I've noticed the looks he's given me since I've changed clothes. "Let's get this over with." Dean mumbled while taking off his jacket. He handed it to me, knowing I was getting cold in the fall weather. I stared at it on my hands for a few seconds before pulling it on. Sam was right, he does still care. Before I could thank him he was already in the car. I got in after Sam, who shot me a knowing smile. Dean started the engine and we were on our way to the Lexicon.

Once we stepped inside our plan went into motion. I gave Dean his jacket back and made my way to the open mic sign-in sheet. There was only one other person on the list so far. I put down an alias and the name of the song I was going to perform. I've been thinking about it since we got to the motel earlier. I Taylor Swift's back to December came on the alarm clock radio as I got ready in my room. I realized how insanely similar out situation is to the song lyrics and decided it would be best to portray my feelings to Dean disguised in a song. It felt like it would be easier.

Once I got back to the boys we begin to briefly go over the plan. "Okay, Dean, when open mic starts keep an eye out for anyone talking to the participants after they sing. I'm second on the list." I explained. "Sam your on stand by at the front of the alley way out front. Dean or I will send a text when it's go time." I finished, taking a drink of the water Dean bought me, remembering that I don't like drinking on the job.

"Good luck." Sam advised, patting me on the shoulder before walking out of the bar.

"So, how are you so sure the demon will target you- and why can't we just let wait to see if he walks out to the ally with some else? Dean implored, he seemed concerned cause hope to swell some more in my chest.

"Every victim sang a heart break song of some sort." I answered, avoiding eye contact. Silence falls between us for what feels like forever, although it was about a minute. "Look, can we talk after-" Dean cut me off.

"We probably should be seen talking. It needs to look like you're here alone." Dean proceeded to take a sip of his beer before nodding over to the bar. "I'll be keeping watch at the bar." He stated, turning away and leaving me to watch him walk away. The same thing I did to him three years ago.

"Next up we have Diana Troy." The bar owner announced into the mic, holding out hit hand and helping me onto the right five by seven foot stage. I've spoken to him many times using this alias for the investigation. However, I'm not surprised he doesn't remember me he tends to take his ownership of the bar for granted most nights.

I muttered out a small "thank you," before adjusting the mic stand a bit. I tried not to think of the seventy or so eyes on me as the music started.

"I'm so glad you made time to see me

How's life? Tell me, how's your family?

I haven't seen them in a while

You've been good, busier than ever

We small talk, work and the weather

Your guard is up and I know why"

I see that night replaying in my head exactly how it has almost every night since I left.

"Because the last time you saw me

Is still burned in the back of your mind

You gave me roses and I left them there to die"

I could feel Dean's eyes without even looking for them. When mine found his the power of the chorus hit me hard.

"So this is me swallowin' my pride

Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night

And I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you

Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright

I go back to December all the time."

My eyes never left him until the song ended. I didn't even know I was crying until a tear fell onto my arm. As people clapped I made my way off stage and to the bar. As I was almost to the bar, some one grabbed my arm and spun me towards them. Bingo. We found out guy. Or, rather, out guy found me. Though there is no proof that he is the demon, I just knew it had to be him.

He wore a white dress shirt and black pants, his eye hung a bit loose on his neck. He looked like a working man, and had trusting, kind blue eyes. His short black hair slicked back with a little gel. He had olive skin and a lean figure. He looked harmless. It took restraint for me to not pull my knife on him now. I have to wait to get him outside.

"That was absolutely beautiful." He praised, his hand still on my arm. I sniffled, wiping away the remaining tears.

"Th-thank you." I mumbled, itching to remove his hand.

"My name's Gerard. What's your story?" The Demon asks with a charming smile. My brows furrowed at that.

"What do you mean?" I thought for a moment and decided to guess before he has time to answer. "With the song?"

'Gerard' nodded, leaning against the bar. "I don't mean to pry, but you seem really upset. I can only assume the sing meant something to you." He explained, finally removing his hand from my skin.

"I-uh..." I looked at the floor indecisive of what answer to give him. I could lie and make something up, or I could just tell him the truth. It's not like I'll see him again after tonight, so what harm could it do. "I messed up. A while ago. I left the one person I loved most in my life during a stupid argument." I took a shaky breath. "I don't think I can ever find someone who made me feel as alive as he did." I knew Dean could hear every word I said. He's standing a few feet behind us and it's not like this is a whispered conversation. I need to talk to him, so I need to speed this up. "I should just go." I moved past 'Gerard' only for him to grab my hand.

"Let me at least walk you to your car." His insisted in an innocent, concerned voice. "You never know who could be out there waiting for a vulnerable women to walk past them all alone. There are some real monsters out there" He pushed, the irony gave me chills. I nodded, letting him lead me towards the side exit. I stuck to my naive role and let his guide me without protest.

As soon as the door shut behind us, I was pushed against a wall and 'Gerard's' eyes went black. "Do I look stupid?" He glared at me. I just shrugged the best I could.

"Do you really want me to answer that?" I question with a raised brow. I didn't try to reach for my demon blade yet. I'm just waiting for the distraction.

The Demon put his hand up and made a fist. My throat tightened and my oxygen is cut off. I quickly brought my hands up to my throat, because that's what people do when they can't breath, even though it does absolutely nothing to help. I was beginning to panic until I heard someone yell.

"Let her go!" I was Dean's voice. I looked aver the the demon did and felt relief as oxygen began pouring back into my lungs. Dean's gun pointed towards the demon distracted him enough to let me go.

"Now, it that anyway to treat a lady?" Sam asks, standing next to Dean with his arms folded. I slowly pull the knife from my thigh holster and creep up behind the demon.

"Oh, so it's three humans against one demon I'm so-" I plunge the knife through his back watching it slice through to the other side. He lit up like a Christmas tree for second before going limp. I pulled the knife out and watched him fall onto his side. I quickly rolled him over and opened his shirt. There are four bullet holes in his chest surrounding the stab wound.

"How did you know?" Dean asks from above me. I look up to see him and Sam standing there and looking at the corpse.

"I had a feeling." I mumbled, I've learned to trust my guy over the many years of hunting; I tend to be right. "Let's clean this up." I muttered before helping Sam picked up the body and take it to Baby when Dean pulled up to the curb.

I slipped into the boys' room right after Sam left to get dinner. Dean glanced over, putting down the gun he was cleaning and standing from his chair. "Can we talk, please?" I stared down at the floor, my hands in my pockets.

"Did you mean it?" Dean's question caused me to look up. He must have seen the confusion in my eyes because before I could even respond he continued. "The song you chose. Did you choose it for me?"

I hesitated, swallowing the lump forming in my throat. "Yes. Just hear me out!" I was quick to stop any protests that may come out of his mouth. "I hate myself for walking out on you. It was the biggest mistake I've ever made. An-and if I could go back to that night I would have stayed. Since I left I haven't been sleeping well, I see you when I close my eyes and some night I still cry myself to sleep." I took a shaky breath, not caring to wipe my tears away.

Dean's eyes grew glossy with his own tears. "I wanted to hate you for leaving. But all I could do was hurt. People say it gets easier, but it never did for me. I've tought about you every day for three year, Y/N." His voice cracks and sobs break through my lips.

"I'm so sorry." I cried, covering my face with my hands. I was so distracted by my own pain that I couldn't here Dean making his way over to me. When I felt his arms wrap around my shoulders I just fell into him. I could tell he was crying by the way hid chest shook. I latched my arms around him tight. I never want to let go of him again.

We stood in each other's embrace for a while, feeling as thought we're the only thing keeping each other stable and upright. We we finally pulled apart we sat next to each other on the bed.

Things can't go back to the way they were, but at least now we can start picking up the pieces of one another, one day at a time. I'm never letting Dean Winchester go again.

Note- Not the best ending, I apologize , but I haven't written anything in forever, and this took me such a long time because of that.

[smiledog15578]

This man never gives up

This will probably be my last post since it’s getting boring but let the explaining ensue:

The age lying thing (imma put into bullet points):

I thought he and others in the discord was my age

I wanted to show ty my nsfw art cause I trusted him the most

I showed him, he liked it, and he drew art for it it was just a good time pretty much

Later on I realized he was not the same age so a huge oh fuck he’s gonna yell at me moment (probably not actually but I know adults can be very worried about that stuff which is understandable and right of them to do)

I don’t remember when I lied about my age exactly but I do remember I did it because I was worried I was going to be in big trouble and I didn’t wanna make him uncomfortable and ruin our friendship

I finally told him my age and I apologized sincerely. We calmly talked about it, he took away the more adult servers i could see (I never went in there after I found out and didn’t like going in there in the first place cause I’m not for nsfw stuff then you think), and then he put a “minor” tag on me so everyone knows. Tbh that was a huge relief and I’m glad he did that cause it was calmly resolved

I never sent nsfw art again unless it was in the cursed chat (which is harmless cause we all thought the stuff in that chat was well cursed so it was mostly shits and giggles)

However that being said I find it weird that he asked to see my nsfw art after I sent a shitpost edited version of it when he knew I was a minor and already told me that he was uncomfortable with what I did before hand

I do understand that it’s wrong. It was VERY wrong of me to do and I am sorry for what I did. I should of asked before hand but be being the dumbass teen I was I didn’t ask and I know my teen friends send nsfw all the time so yea I admit fault to that. Again I find it weird you asked me for nsfw when you knew I was a minor. Also I thought you told me you were in your 20s? That’s why I thought it was weird that an unknown source told me that you were 19 cause I remember you saying specifically “in my early 20s...” (this was after I told him my age btw)

The asexual thing:

When? You never told me you were asexual? The only thing I knew personally that you were transgender.You just outted yourself on that one LMAO. even if you are asexual it doesn’t make up for the fact that you sexualize Mark but critique others for sexualizing other characters or youtubers. And it’s fine to find him hot but that’s just a weird double standard. Don’t say you didn’t sexualize Mark cause I remember things that you said that ere sexual but won’t say it in public cause that’s personal info

Whatever is happening here:

I’m glad we were friends from the time being. When I left I was kinda having Stockholm syndrome since you were the only one at the time who actually let me talk about things without feeling weird for it. I am grateful that you gave me affection to a weird degree but still appreciated. The reason why I left so early was because I’ve had so many people that told me that you were bad news. I trusted my gut and finally left you and blocked you. I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d get like this so I didn’t tell anyone but one person you knew of because I was too scared to tell you. Low and behold I was right. You ARE exactly like this. Also this IS petty playground drama but ironically enough, you keep playing in this drama to prove that thousands of people that they’re wrong even though most of us remember clearly what happened. gaslight and manipulation much? I don’t usually like using those words since it’s used in every Twitter drama I’ve seen but this is actually the case☠️. The fetishizing white liberal thing idk who you’re talking about cause that could be anyone I’ve met but whoever that person is that wasn’t the only person who told me (not giving names cause again, privacy). Dude it’s one thing if it was just me and you fighting but this is SO many people telling me how bad you are. I’m guessing the grown white man is either jack or Ethan and sure they’re a grown white men but like- the stuff you bring up isn’t your business. I hate when you or others think you have the right to yell at strangers for the tiniest things when you don’t even know them personally. It’s overall rude and not in your place to do so. And I can get if it’s something big like say- that dream youtubers fan base doing dumb shit but when you bring up how jack was being a bit needy when his own father died? Or that you were saying jack was a bad cat owner that you don’t even know or own (it wasn’t anything like beating but the cat ate tinsel which is hurtful to cats but for fucks sake so many people I know have had pet accidents it’s not uncommon)? Or saying Ethan is milking unus annus when Mark does the same thing? Bruh you seriously need to reevaluate yourself.

Anywaysssss again I wanted to leave this in the past but alas ty still brings it up to this day and says he HATES me (which idc get over it you’re an adult) so that’s my explanation. If y’all have any further questions or complaints please send me an ask and we can sort it out! And I’m not a good person either I know I’m an asshole even though people say I’m not. When you attack my friends I’m going to get upset and tell the whole truth.

[datleggy]

Post-demise At Hand

TW: mentions of past OD, past drug use, off screen death of character (Alex), grief, anger, misunderstandings 

TK isn’t sure how to react to the news, if he’s being completely honest with himself. 

He learns about the death of his ex through a post on Instagram via an old mutual friend of theirs that he hasn’t been in contact with since even before he packed up his life and moved to Texas. It’s hashtagged: #RIP #gonetoosoon and TK almost laughs out loud like some kind of maniac, because is that all Alex's life amounted to in the end? 

Two half-assed hashtags and a badly edited picture of Alex smirking at the person who took the stupid photograph in the first place. TK remembers that day; Alex had finally passed his drivers test and gotten his license. He remembers telling Alex to smile, remembers his ex boyfriend turning to him, rolling his eyes, saying something like “Why did I bother with this again? We live in New York.” except TK can’t remember what he said to Alex to be on the receiving end of that knowing little smirk. 

The one he can’t stop staring at now. 

“Earth to TK!” 

TK almost drops his phone onto the floor, blinking up at the person waving their hand in his face. “Huh?” 

Judd gives him a curious look. “Been calling you for like a straight minute, kid, you doin’ alright?” 

TK nods. “Yeah, sorry, yeah, I’m good, I was reading an article, I uh, got distracted.” he shakes his head. “What’s up?” 

“Your boyfriend’s downstairs lookin’ for you--” Judd tries not so subtly to peek at whatever it is that’s got TK so enraptured and catches a glimpse of a familiar face, one that gives him pause. 

He frowns. “TK, what the hell? Stalking your ex, seriously?” he blurts the accusation outloud without thinking, which is of course the very moment Carlos and Paul come gallivanting up the stairs, their laughter at something one of them said dying out abruptly. 

Paul’s eyes dart between the two men and he clears his throat awkwardly before motioning for Judd to skedaddle with him. Judd, who couldn’t take a hint if it hit him on the side of the head like a tire iron, simply folds his arms across his chest expectantly. “Well? Your fella’s right over there, so what’re you doing all up in your ex boyfriends business?” 

Paul sighs. Jesus. “Judd. Maybe we should give them some privacy?” Carlos is scarily silent next to him and Paul just knows shit’s about to hit the fan, and he’d rather be far far away when it does happen. 

Carlos swallows hard, wipes his hands against his uniform pants, and says, “It’s fine. I’ll um, I’ll see you at home.” before turning around and going back the way he came. 

“Man.” Paul stares at TK, who hasn’t uttered a single word as of yet. “You’re not gonna go follow after him?” 

Judd scoffs. “And do what? Tell him it’s not what it looks like?” 

TK blinks rapidly a few times, as if coming out of a daze. “I--” His eyes go wide when he realizes what’s happened. “Shit.” he runs over to the edge of the railing to call for Carlos, but his boyfriend apparently bolted, because he’s nowhere to be seen. 

Judd whistles loudly behind him, arms still crossed disapprovingly. “Carlos is a good catch, TK, shouldn’t be messin’ around with him if you’re not--” 

TK whirls around to face him, the look on his face mutinous. “I wasn’t stalking my ex on Instagram Judd! Get your head outta your ass and outta my business!” 

Judd takes a step forward and Paul can see where this is headed; he immediately gets in between the two men, arms raised. “Hey! Enough! You two need to relax.” 

Judd huffs. “I’m not the one tryna step out on my--” 

“Alex is dead.” Saying it outloud is surreal. 

Alex is dead. 

What the fuck. 

Paul and Judd both give pause. 

“What?” 

TK sighs, aggravated, and shows them the post he’d been caught looking at earlier. 

“TK...” Paul gulps. “I’m sorry man.” 

TK nods but doesn’t utter a word. 

Judd cringes. “Crap, I--” He wants to smack his head against the palm of his hand as hard as he can. “I’m such a heel, Jesus TK, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed--I’m so sorry.” 

TK leans his back against the railing and this time it’s his turn to cross his arms over his chest. “Yeah, well...tell that to Carlos.” 

“TK I’ll call him right now and tell him I misunderstood, I swear--” 

TK interrupts him again with a shake of his head. “No, no, it’s better if I just explain it myself.” he looks up at Judd through long lashes and manages a half hearted grin. “I guess I should be happy you respect my boyfriend enough to snitch on my ass?” 

Judd knows TK’s throwing him a bone, but still, he doesn’t feel he can take it. “I do,” he admits. “But that don’t mean I should’ve went ahead and assumed the worst. You deserve better than that and for that I’m especially sorry.” The whole thing with his own father in law stepping out on his Grace’s mother is still messing around with his head, but that was no excuse to think the worst of TK, of all people. 

But TK tells him not to sweat it, he’ll call Carlos and tell him everything, no big, really. And then he asks the two men not to mention anything about any of this to the Captain or to any of the rest of the team, if it can be helped. 

Paul frowns. “TK, it’s not good to try and go through these types of things alone, you know.” 

TK shakes his head. “I’m not trying to, really. I just,” he shrugs, looking a little like a lost lamb. “I don’t really know how I feel about it yet? So I’d rather not deal with everybody’s sympathies right now, if that’s ok.” 

**********************

He calls Carlos but gets sent straight to voicemail every single time and when that doesn’t work he texts him that whatever he thought was going on, there was nothing to worry about, that he would explain if Carlos would just pick up his damn phone. 

Work gets progressively busier after that and TK barely has time to catch his breath, much less to try and get into contact with his boyfriend, and so it’s not until the very end of his shift, hours later, that he’s able to rush home--that is, he thinks sullenly, if Carlos hasn’t changed all the locks on him.

TK shakes his head; Carlos wouldn’t do that. He’s probably stewing though, and that thought doesn’t make TK feel any better as he steps past the threshold and inside. He’s had such a long and tiring day he hasn’t even had time to properly process what’s happened to Alex. 

Carlos has cooked dinner, if the wonderful smell coming from the kitchen is any indication. He’s at the table eating alone with the TV on in the other room for background noise, and he doesn’t even look up to greet TK, only motions towards the stovetop vaguely. “Help yourself.” he mutters. 

TK ignores the food and takes a seat right across from Carlos, leans over the table with a grimace. “Babe, I swear to you it’s not like that. Judd misunderstood what happened--” 

Carlos sets his fork down with a clatter that startles TK into jumping slightly. “Look, I get it, moving in is a huge commitment, it’s scary, I know, but I didn’t think you would--” 

“Please,” TK stops him. “Please let me just explain, please.” he hastily takes his phone out of his back pocket and opens the app. He can hear Carlos sigh above him but it doesn’t deter TK from finding the post and holding it up to his face. “This is what Judd saw me looking at.” 

Carlos reluctantly lays eyes on the photo, his irritation and hurt only peeking when he sees that it’s a photo of TK’s almost fiance. That is, of course, until he reads the caption, notices the hashtags below, and suddenly it all makes sense. He doesn’t know quite what to say, except: “Oh.” 

TK nods. “Caught me by surprise. I um, I haven’t heard from him since, well, you know. So I didn’t really know how to react when I found out and then Judd came up behind me and I mean, you know the rest of the story…” 

“Oh.” Carlos says again, because he’s still trying to process the news. 

“Yeah.” TK shrinks back in his chair and the wounded look of him finally snaps Carlos out of it.  

“Crap,” Carlos groans. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” He gets up and rounds the table, kneeling down in front of TK. “I was hurt and I ran off without letting you even get a word in, that was messed up and I’m sorry. Are you ok?” He makes a face at his own question, because of course TK isn’t ok. The man he’d proposed marriage to a little over a year ago now has passed, after all. 

There’s no way he’s ‘ok’. 

“I uh, I don’t know.” TK admits quietly. 

Carlos puts a hand on his knee and squeezes gently. “It’s ok to be sad, Ty.” 

TK shakes his head. “It’s--I’m not. I’m not sad. I think? I mean...it’s not like we were on friendly terms, you know? I’m more surprised I guess, than anything else. He was still so young.” 

Carlos nods solemnly. “How did it happen, do you know?” 

TK clears his throat and scratches at the back of his head. “The obituary I found online said it was some kind of car accident near PA. I didn’t really find out any more details than that, though. The funeral was earlier this afternoon.” 

Carlos blinks. “Oh. None of your friends from New York said anything? Before today?” The fact that TK had to find out through Instagram is probably half the reason his boyfriend is finding it so hard to react properly to the tragic news. 

“I didn’t really bother to keep in contact with a lot of our friends when I left, to be honest. And plus, they were all Alexs’ friends before becoming mine. So he kinda had the right to keep them after the divorce...in a manner of speaking.” TK runs a hand through the greasy locks of his hair and grimaces. “Anyway, I should probably go shower, it’s been a long day and I’m kinda gross.” 

Carlos nods, letting TK worm his way out of the conversation without too much fuss. 

**********************

In the shower TK stands under the spray of hot water and stares blankly at the tiled wall in front of him, irritated by the jumbled thoughts plaguing him. God, he thinks, I could really use a drink right about now. 

What exactly is he supposed to be feeling right now? 

Grief? 

Anger? 

Or perhaps regret. 

It’s not as though TK ever got any real closure with Alex and now he never would. After being rejected by the man and worse yet, told he’d been replaced, TK hadn’t wanted to feel any of that pain and had gone to great and dangerous lengths to make sure he was good and numb that night. 

He hadn’t meant to overdose. But he’d popped a couple of pills initially, so sure that he could control himself this time, that this time it would be different. But twenty minutes later when the two little white pills had done nothing to soothe his aching heart TK thought, what’s two more? And then two more after that, and then maybe two more, and then he’d lost count, but fuck it, if he hadn’t felt better in the moment. 

The pills had worked! He couldn’t feel a thing, his head was blessedly empty and suddenly this giant weight had been lifted from his chest and he could breathe again. Until he couldn’t. 

The water is cold by the time TK steps out of the tub. He dries himself off and slips on a pair of boxer shorts and an old gray t-shirt. 

Carlos is waiting for him in the kitchen with a full plate, reheated, and normally the smell would be appetizing, but tonight it makes TK a little sick. “You alright? You were in there a while.” 

TK nods. “M’good.” 

“Here, sit, you should eat something before going to bed.” he sets the plate down in front of him and TK just stares at it like it’s the first time he’s seen food in a while and he’s not quite sure what to do with it. 

“Thanks, but I’m not really hungry. I think I’m just gonna go to sleep. I’m tired.” 

Carlos nods, his lips pursed like he wants to say something more, but instead all he says is, “Ok.” 

******************

It’s nearly three in the morning when TK wakes up in a cold sweat, gasping for air. He’s not sure how he does it, but he manages not to wake Carlos up as he sneaks out of their bed. 

A few minutes later he’s outside in his sweatpants and a hoodie, mindlessly jogging along his usual route. It’s not drugs or alcohol, but running does help. He runs and runs and runs until it hurts and even then, he keeps on running. It’s not until the cramping in his stomach is too much to bare that he finally stops and lets his body rest on a park bench. 

And it’s then that he feels his phone vibrating in his pocket and realizes he’s got three missed calls. “Shit.” he picks up immediately, holding the phone up to his ear with a shaky hand. “Hey.” 

“Where are you? TK, it’s almost five in the morning. What’s going on?” Carlos sounds frenzied on the other end of the line and TK can’t say he blames him. 

“Sorry, I couldn’t sleep, I went out on a run and I lost track of time. I’m headed home now, sorry. Go back to bed.” 

“I can come pick you up, where are you?” 

TK sighs. “Carlos, seriously, I’m within walking distance, don’t worry, I’ll be there in like fifteen minutes.” he hangs up without letting the other man get another word in, which he knows isn’t right, but can’t really find it in himself to care. 

His legs feel like jello when he gets up and the trek back to their place is torturous enough to make TK regret telling Carlos not to bother getting him. By the time he makes it home he’s limping slightly and his stomach is in knots. 

The door swings open before TK can even take out his keys, and Carlos is standing there at the entrance looking a mixture of concerned and annoyed. 

TK rolls his eyes and ignores the look, pushing his way inside and kicking off his shoes at the door. “What?” he snaps, when Carlos won’t stop staring at him. 

Carlos frowns. “Stop that.” 

“Stop what? What are you talking about? I went out for a run. You’re acting like I went out to shoot up at a meth lab or something. I was gone for less than two hours!” TK half shouts, his frustration spiking up a notch. 

“Stop shutting me out. I know you’re upset about what happened to Alex, but you can’t just-” 

“About what happened to Alex?” TK scoffs incredulously. “Nothing happened to Alex, Carlos, he died. That’s not something that happens to someone and then they like, get the fuck over it! He died! He’s dead! Gone! Never gonna see him again, didn’t get to say bye or even fuck you to the guy, he just went ahead and died and that’s that!” TK lets out a choked little laugh that sounds more like a cry than anything and covers his face with both hands, tries his best to get his shit together and under control, but it’s no use. 

It’s quiet for a long time and then TK speaks again and it's soft and agonized, “I loved him.” 

And Carlos nods, takes him by the shoulders and leads him to the stairs, where they both sit down and TK buries himself into Carlos, into his safe haven, and his breath hitches loudly and Carlos says, “I know.” and TK lets out a big broken sob. 

“I’m here.” Carlos assures him gently, “I’m here. It’s gonna be ok.”

.