#ultimately i see the vision and sure i don’t mind the friend group having drama

[lvrspice]

This season finale of SLOCG? Not feelin’ her. I don’t know these seasons are too short. There’s not enough episodes and it’s rushed. Too much is happening and it feels forced. I like Alicia, but having Leighton get back with her so quickly? And writing Tatum off. Why would Tatum go from reassuring Leighton/telling her there’s no timeline to coming out to then being bratty and rude at that fundraiser? They’re both judgmental, but c’mon. They could of explored their dynamic a little more. Maybe Tatum could of turned a new leaf after being educated by Leighton on the importance of the Women’s Center to her. And Alicia and Leighton could of still ended up together down the line, I just wanted to see more development with Tatum and Leighton is all.

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

it’s a fucking metaphor!

Titans 3.08

i’ve finally gathered the mental and emotional resources to do this thing, so let’s go! as always, i’m typing this up as i see the episode.

SPOILERS AHEAD

1. on watching this opening scene, i was thinking back to how gar was in s1, or even the early bits of s2. the way he idolised the others, particularly dick, and his readiness to go along with whatever they said, and the way he practically bled the need for acceptance. and here he is now, openly defying dick, fully open to and aware of the flaws of the people he loves and admires, knowing he is accepted no matter what and extending that generosity elsewhere. it’s a remarkable bit of character growth that’s... sort of blossomed in the background and so rewarding to see and acknowledge. 

1.25. i guess what i really love about this conflict over how to respond to jason--as clumsily as it is sometimes written--is how their histories and individual traumas inform each character’s reaction. dick is torn between his guilt over what’s become of jason and his drive to do what batman had essentially given up on doing: he is motivated to track down red hood at all costs but there’s a sense that he’s not completely sold on the idea that the only way to stop him is to kill him. (he might go the comics route and try to put him in arkham? god, imagine if the season ended with jason in arkham.) kory’s never had much of a connection with jason in the first place, and jason has done one of the worst things he could do in her book: track and kill a member of her newfound family and is threatening to kill more. 

and gar... sure. look. the idea of jason and red hood as separate entities appeals to him; that red hood emerged when jason was drugged to the gills by scarecrow and lost his usual inhibitions. gar’s struggled with what he becomes when he’s pushed to his limits, too--he did rip open that experimenting scientist with his teeth way back in 1.07, after all, and he was brainwashed by cadmus in s2 into becoming a literal monster. he needs to think, to know, there’s a dichotomy, a line that can only be crossed under extreme duress or by outside influence. 

and he says--and we say--that he was accepted back into the titans in spite of what he’d done, but was he really? gar’s always struggled with his footing in this group; relegated to the caretaker, the tech guy, the gatekeeper, and sometimes punching bag even though everybody’s paying lip service to how much of a family they all are. perhaps gar reaching out to jason and offering acceptance is aspirational on his part: perhaps this is the effort he hoped the titans put/or will put into getting gar back, even when it would seem like he’s too far gone.

1.5. anyway my point is that i don’t think it’s worth discussing this in terms of right/wrong decisions because all of their reactions make a lot of sense given their backgrounds/personalities. gar is doing a fine job here of tracking down jason’s friends and trying to find him that way, but we the audience know that jason is ultimately going to end up an anti-hero/eventually-hero character, so with that knowledge in mind we know that gar’s reaction is the right one. it’s knowledge that the other characters don’t have, so to judge them on it is... uh, unfair.

1.8. also, molly is awesome, yay!

2. dick and barbara flirting over the phone is so cute! i love to see this side of dick: lighter, peppier, willing (even if somewhat reluctantly) to put his mission aside to go out on a date with his girlfriend. and i love how easy this makes his dynamic with kory too: it’s all very domestic and utterly delightful. 

(also, re: the water leak in barbara’s office--you’re saying GCPD could afford fancy-schmancy table-wide touch screen computers and evil-lair lighting but needs its frickin’ commissioner to catch leaking water from above her desk with mugs and fishbowls????)

2.2225. this is probably a teeny tiny thing and i’m not sure i want to bring it up at all BUT. the fact that dick feels compelled to lie to barbara about not liking fancy gala food and eating something more substantial before the date? not a terribly great sign, though i wouldn’t call it a red flag per se. 

“this from a man who forced his students to eat cauliflower crust pizza...”

3. so.... conner and kom are a Thing. huh.

in theory i really like the idea of them bonding over an innate alien-ness and longing for a place they could really belong. both of them are alien twice-over: conner a mix of kryptonian and human, practically generated in a test tube, and kom being somebody that was born different and rejected by her own people, now stuck on a planet dominated by an entirely different species. i even like them exploring this bond physically. i guess it’s the sense of... uneasiness around what we do and don’t know about kom that makes this scene land slightly left of centre to me. i think titans, especially through s2, has cultivated in its audience a sense of distrust even until the final episode, just in case somebody vital to the season is suddenly revealed to have had ulterior motives (i’m even low-key suspicious of leslie). i really want to see this kom-conner dynamic play out but the anticipation of watching the other shoe drop is sucking out the enjoyment.

4. for fuck’s sake dick, gar’s not your gatekeeper.

TIIIIIIIIMMMMM \O/

4.5. i love this nod to tim’s origins in the comics, the way he just comes in and lays out all his evidence and makes it clear to dick that he needs tim’s help as robin. the fact that he was there at the flying graysons’ last performance, he was obsessed with their acrobatic moves, and was observant enough to connect those moves with that of robin and later nightwing... all of this came together to put him where he is right now.

(i also love how he can’t contain his giddy excitement when talking about the day dick grayson’s parents died... to dick grayson. even if dick weren’t nightwing, that would be a deeply uncomfortable thing! yet tim can’t help himself, and i love him for it.)

4.8. it’s a testament to how much dick’s caught off-guard that he can’t come up with a better response to tim’s allegations other than “uh... he stole my moves! as you know, no two gymnasts in the world are allowed to do the same moves. now, let me escort you out while pretending poorly that i’m not at all shaken by this...”

4.9. i’ve talked about this before, but i find the logic around secret identities in this universe utterly fascinating. the titans don’t make much effort in keeping their identities secret: everybody seems to know that kory is starfire for instance, or that gar is beast boy. dick grayson is seen hanging out with kory a lot, especially at crime scenes. it won’t take a lot of sleuthing to find out that the titans are currently camped out at wayne manor, and to put two and two together.

my theory was that superheroes and villains have become such an integral part of daily society that it’s almost not worth it to seek out their secret identities, or that it’s just not a big deal anymore. like politicians or diplomats, not everybody bothers to look into who exactly their local politician is, but the people who know just... know. it’s a sort of unspoken social contract.

tim’s broken this contract by confronting dick about his identity, and dick’s not ready to deal with it. not entirely.

look at him! *pinches his cheeks*

5. ngl, it was quite satisfying to see jason knock the scarecrow out like that. 

5.5. i guess... the question of jason’s culpability is always going to be a thorny one and would make for a great courtroom drama spinoff. there are a number of factors to consider: jason’s personality, the rough circumstances under which he grew up, his undoubtedly stressful transition to being robin, bruce wayne being... well, bruce wayne, never feeling accepted by the titans and having most of them turn on him, being roundly defeated and almost killed by deathstroke, alfred’s death, a fuckload of ptsd, his violent death, crane’s manipulations, coming back to life, crane plying him with a drug. but there is no easy line to draw between any of these factors to his actions. i think it would be a disservice to jason’s character to attribute his actions entirely to these things and rather irresponsible to do so. i think jason has to reckon with the fact that when he took crane’s drug, he wasn’t reckless and chaotic like the thugs he gave it to; the planning that went into hank’s death was meticulous and the way hank died--dawn essentially tricked into pulling the trigger that blew her lover into bits--is so drawn out and cruel. 

5.75. it’s occurring to me that crane might have given jason a placebo. maybe jason’s dependence is psychological, and he’s externalised his fears in such a way that he believes crane’s drugs literally wipe them out, however temporarily.

in any case, the boy needs (more) therapy.

6. “he walked like robin...” fuck, tim

“gait recognition sweep” god, this show. i don’t know whether to laugh or cry. hey, once we’re done doing this gait recognition thingy, can we get a goddamn plumber in the house??? or move the commissioner’s desk so that sewage water isn’t dripping on her head or the million dollar touchscreen desk???????

6.5. oh no dick!!!!!! i am delighted that you got hurt but i feel ashamed about it! that looked like it really hurt!

he’s really not having a good time of it, is he. from being shot by a sniper to slamming at full speed into an suv, he’s got to be really fucking battered by now. and that’s just the physical side of it.

“can you believe that just over a week ago i was sitting in san francisco eating cauliflower crust pizza and feeling good about myself for the first time in five years...”

7. kory’s having visions again! now that she’s figured what they are, do you think the show’s just dropped justin? it’s curious that HPG hasn’t been brought up in a while after featuring relatively heavily in the beginning. hmmm.

8. dick’s in hospital but... he looks remarkably whole for someone who took a spill like that. you’d think he’d at least have a bruise to show for it. on the other hand, i love that the first thing he says is ‘i need to call home’. reminds me of season 1 dick and his clumsy attempts to explain away his found family as an ‘alliance of necessity’ or some bullshit. what a long way he’s come!

*gasp* dick’s hallucinating again!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m doing the dick’s hallucinating dance! can you believe that we’re carrying over these huge honking issues unearthed in season 2 onto season 3? can you believe?!!! all that time and effort i spent talking about dick’s mental health from last season has not gone in vain!!

... ahem. anyway. more on this later.

“hold on barbara, i think kory gave me the number to this therapist that she kept calling Hot Psychiatrist Guy...”

9. just an interlude to say that i’m barely halfway through the episode and i’ve already written 2k+ words... ugh. i’m going to try and be more concise.

10. man i fuckin love it when titans goes all out with its weird mindscapes and i’m extra glad that kory’s the focus this time. is that baby kom or maybe a secret sibling that neither of them knew about? was that lady luand’r? and is this place where kory was circling where the secret sibling is? it’s all very intriguing. 

(if justin turned out to be that sibling... we’ve a real luke/leia situation on our hands.)

11. aw, i knew that nice security guard was going to die, but it still hurt to see him go :(

12. this show is so bizarre. like i get the mindscape as a narrative device, but jason using sex workers to try and vocalise his guilt about killing hank was just weird. like. i have to use tamil, sorry: idhulaan yaaru pa room pottu yosikara??? some things just can’t be translated into a second language.

i guess one way to interpret jason’s reckoning with what he did to the titans as a sign of him coming off crane’s drug, but i think it’s more to do with the disillusionment of realising that he was a mere pawn in a more sinister plan, and not, as he thought, a player in control of his destiny, rising to the purpose of liberating gotham of its fears in a way batman never could. along the way, he’s done some truly irreversible damage. it’s a bitter pill to swallow.

13. another hallucination! it’s really intriguing that it’s a young dick(?), younger than we’ve ever seen him, wearing an early-era robin costume from way before he even became robin. (this is also interesting in that it gives credence to the idea that ‘robin’ is an identity that dick created entirely on his own, and as a possible homage to his family.)

“old road, old house... it’s all gone.” i wonder what it all means.

13.5. it’s entirely likely dick’s hallucinating because of a brain injury from the accident, though just hallucinations without any other focal neurological deficit is unusual. he might’ve been microdosed with fear toxin at some point, though i wonder when... did jason do so after dick’s accident? did he get dosed at the factory from last episode? 

it’s also possible it’s a continuing manifestation of dick’s issues from last season--which, if you remember, he never told anyone about and therefore never properly addressed. maybe he was hallucinating bruce wayne in a psychotic episode accompanying an acute stress reaction and maybe that’s what’s happening now. nobody’s denying that he’s under an extraordinary amount of stress right now. another way to look at it is that this is how he externalises conflict that he can’t bear to suppress anymore; if in s2 halluci!bruce manifested his insecurities and self-loathing, then these hallucinations... something to do with his fears, no doubt.

yet ANOTHER way to look at it might be: rachel is reaching out to him through their, well, psychic bond. after all, they were able to use that bond unconsciously last season to get the titans back together; maybe rachel has learned to gain a degree of control over it in themyscira and is sending across warnings? it’s all very intriguing.

anyway:

“i hear you skipped over the discowing suit in your evolution to nightwing... how could you??”

14. can you imagine, gar did all the work of reaching out to jason via molly and jason wants to meet dick? smh.

14.5. “i’m just a regular guy doing regular things” he says, standing at the opening of a secret old tunnel, like a secret person doing secret things, confronting someone who can now officially be called his stalker. neither of you guys are ‘regular’

14.8. ‘my dad was a cop and he taught me how to investigate’ - hmmm. i guess they’re trying to Explain Tim but i don’t think that’s really necessary. so he’s smart and he’s obsessed with batman and robin--that should be enough, imo. 

15. that scene with scarecrow and his mother was... wow. i’m just laughing here helplessly, because what the hell? for a while i thought it was an extended dream sequence and i’m still not entirely sure that it isn’t...

anyway. i still love that titans is happy to throw out its plot in favour of extended character-exploration sessions.

15.5. it seems to me that this scene with crane and his mother (i have no idea if there’s anything in the comics similar to this) serves to move forward this season’s theme of harmful legacies and how parents can damage their children in the name of their mission. in a way it’s been the underlying message of the entire show but we’re really seeing it being reinforced this season. the titans, serving as a foil to scarecrow, are using the damage to rebuild themselves and actually work through their issues together, instead of spiralling further and further into the morass of their issues.

other than that... god, that scene was painful to watch. i can’t say i like this version of scarecrow or how this actor plays him at all.

16. i wonder what’s jason’s play here. i think he’s smart enough to realise that the titans aren’t going to just forgive him and let him be a titan again after what he did, and that dick agreeing to it is just a bid to pin both him and crane down. maybe it’s a ploy to trap them, get back on scarecrow’s good books so that he can have the drug again. who knows.

17. i absolutely felt dick when he said “we’ll bring him in and then re-assess the situation.” what the fuck else is he going to say? the priority is to get him.

so kory and dick are both hallucinating while potentially trying to rehabilitate their murderous siblings. CONFIDE IN EACH OTHER ALREADY

18. TIM NOOOO! you beautiful, reckless fool!

18.25. just to quickly address it here because i know it’s been brought up before: i think it’s perfectly justified to not have conner take tim to the hospital via superspeed because a) i don’t think we’ve seen conner do that with anybody so far and b) it’s probably not a good idea to submit tim’s body to that kind of stress without knowing what it would do to him. the paramedics with actual equipment and experience would be there in a few minutes, so on a risk assessment, i would say dick and conner absolutely made the right call.

18.5. i guess we won’t know what jason really intended to when the titans came to the pump to see him, but this is definitely going to set a big wedge in his relationship with crane. then again, crane got what he wanted--using starfire’s powers to blast through to the underground pipes--so jason can argue that this is exactly what he was working towards, too. 

anyway, mortal peril, hallucinations, murderous family members, creepy visions and robins sprouting left and right. time to get rachel and donna on the scene, i think.

[thewayshedreamed]

This Time— Part 3

A Nessian Fan Fic

Fic Masterlist

This update got away from me quickly, so be warned that it’s a lengthy one! I actually had to break this one up into two parts to make it somewhat reasonable in length, so part 4 will be coming soon! It’s mostly written, I just have to finish it up and do some editing.

Warnings for strong language and some mild sexual content.

——————————————————————————

After her brunch with Azriel, Nesta committed to trying to get back into her usual routines. She allowed herself one less press of the snooze button each morning and made time for an outdoor run each evening. She cooked a small meal for herself each night, packing any leftovers for her lunch the next day. Slowly but surely, she was getting back to good, and she felt pleased overall with her swift improvement considering her mental state of the week prior. 

That’s not to say her mind didn’t wander occasionally to Cassian and the state of their friendship. She challenged herself to feel the emotions those thoughts invoked, process them, but avoid ruminating too much. Admittedly, they ebbed and flowed, alternating between anger and sadness. In that way, moving on from Cassian emulated grief on a certain level, the loss being entirely disruptive to her day-to-day life. She had picked up her phone several times over the course of the week, considering a text to ensure things would be civil for Elain’s birthday party. She thought better of it when she realized that if anyone was skilled in presenting a game face, ever the social diplomat, it was Cassian. She was better off having the “civil” conversation with herself. 

That Saturday morning, she was drinking coffee and scrolling through current events when an alert crossed her screen. It was a group text, including all of their immediate friends, finalizing plans for Elain’s party. They were going to meet at Rita’s around 9pm for drinks since Elain wanted things pretty low-key; however, Mor made promises of a respectable amount of debauchery. 

Around 7:00, Nesta got into the shower, giving herself extra time to sit under the steam and ease any lingering tension. She ran through her plan for keeping her distance from Cassian as best as possible without making things uncomfortable. Thankfully, the hustle and bustle of the bar itself would create a buffer between them, allowing her to maneuver out of his way as smoothly as possible. It still felt so foreign to have these thoughts associated with Cassian, but she would accept nothing less than a drama-free night out for her perfect sister’s birthday. Their dynamic would have to be addressed on another occasion. If ever. 

She shut off the water once it started to chill and wrapped herself in a towel. She used another towel to soak any excess water from her long hair before working a wide-toothed comb through her waves. She tapped the screen of her phone to check the time, and her heart skipped a beat when she saw a notification bearing Cassian’s name on her screen. 

Cassian: Sorry, fam. Just getting out of work and catching up on all these texts. Heading home to shower, then heading to Rita’s to meet you. Remember to save a dance for me, El-Bell!  😘

Unsure of why she half-expected the notification to be anything other than a response in their group chat, Nesta loosed a breath. Their distance over the last two weeks was telling enough, and she knew deep down that he wouldn’t have picked now to break any silence. Ultimately, she decided it was for the best this way. She had gotten through the first contact without having to unpack a ton of emotions she wasn’t comfortable with, so she celebrated the tiny win. 

She turned her attention back to her reflection to decide on her look for the night. She landed on a tousled ponytail, her waves cascading behind her, and a few short tendrils falling naturally around her face. Satisfied with her hair situation, she applied a little make-up, cursing creatively at her liquid eyeliner in the process. Once she applied a sheer gloss, she was ready to tackle wardrobe. She decided on a pair of black high-waisted jeggings, a black, cropped tank, and a casual, dark hunter green blazer.  She slid into black, wedged sandals, put on gold hoops, and grabbed her clutch before walking toward the door. 

She ordered a Lyft, opting for ride share so that she would be likely to get one sooner. She looked at the time: 8:40pm. Rita’s was a little over ten minutes from her apartment, so she had ample time to get a car and arrive without being late. After what seemed like seconds, her phone  beeped with the details of her driver’s car and alerting her that they would be pulling up in a few minutes. She opted to wait outside her apartment, just in case the driver had trouble finding her building. A white sedan pulled up, confirmed she was Nesta, and she slid into the front seat. As her luck would have it, the individuals she was sharing with were in, what looked like, the beginning stages of a very affectionate relationship. She tuned out their soft murmurs, propping her elbow up near the window, used her fingers to prop her head, and kept her attention forward for the rest of the ride. 

———

Nesta was several drinks in and was starting to feel that slow warmth creeping throughout her body. She definitely wasn’t drunk, but she was just buzzed enough to relax into their circle booth as she watched her friends on the dance floor. Elain was dancing animatedly with Feyre, the two spinning each other around and throwing their heads back with laughter. The sight warmed her heart, and she made a mental note to tell them how much she loved them later.

  Oh yea, she was buzzed indeed. 

She glanced over to the others in the booth with her. Amren was to her right, nursing her drink and occasionally laughing at their friends’ antics. Across the circle table was Az, with his forearms crossed and resting on the table. Noticing the small smile on his face, she followed his gaze and landed on Elain. Emboldened by the alcohol, she typed a text and sent it his way. 

N: Would you, for the love of the Cauldron, stop making eyes at my little sister?

She watched him grab his phone, huff a small laugh, and begin typing back to her. 

A: I would, if she wasn’t so perfect. 

He glanced her way, taking a long sip of his beer while he awaited her reaction. Either he was drunk, Nesta thought, or he was trying very hard to get under her skin. She glanced up at him and pantomimed a gag. She saw his shoulders shake a little as he chuckled. 

N: Ew. Have you given her a gift yet?

A: You asked for it. And, no. Why? If you’re about to make any suggestions, you’re too late. I’ve already bought it. 

Nesta scrolled through her GIFs, feeling playful and wanting to watch her friend squirm a little. It only took a few seconds for her to land on the GIF she was looking for: an animation of Justin Timberlake and Andy Samburg for The Lonely Island’s “Dick in a Box”. She added a short caption.

N: I just think this could be a contender. 

She slowly sipped her drink, watching him over the rim of her glass. She saw his phone light up, his eyes scan the texts, and suddenly, he was having to clamp his lips shut to avoid sputtering his beer across the table. Nesta threw her head back and let out a loud laugh. She was feeling quite pleased with herself as he glared at her. 

A: Unbelievable. I’m blocking you. 

Nesta was still chuckling to herself when she noticed Amren’s attention on them. She leaned over to Nesta and deadpanned, “Secrets don’t make friends, you know.” 

Nesta showed the text thread to Amren, much to Azriel’s chagrin. Not only did Amren find just as much amusement in Azriel’s discontent, she fully supported Nesta’s suggestion. They bickered playfully regarding the topic until Amren decided to take matters into her own hands, pushing Azriel out of the booth and stating, “We’re going to join them. Let’s go, Nesta!” Not a request, as per the usual with Amren.

  They made their way through the crowd, finding Elain and Feyre in the middle of the floor. Rhysand, Mor, and Cassian were nearby, having run into their old friend, Kallias. Nesta avoided looking in their general direction, deciding she was in too good a mood to go down that train of thought. Especially with lowered inhibitions and unaddressed emotions.  Bad combination. 

She heard Elain squeal in delight at her joining them on the dance floor, and there was no way she could turn her down seeing the joy on her face. She wasn’t usually one to dance much at all, usually leaning into her role as a wallflower, but she wanted to make her sister as happy as possible on her birthday. 

If I can’t make myself happy these days, at least I could make sure they’re happy. 

She quickly pushed the thought away, deciding there was no room for her cynicism tonight. After dancing for a couple of songs, she realized she needed to use the restroom and let her friends know that’s where she was headed. Before she walked away, she lifted Elain’s arm into the air, spinning her dramatically into Azriel’s unsuspecting form. As she walked away, she heard a loud and high-pitched, “Az! Hi!” She looked over her shoulder to see him bracing her at the waist and Elain throwing her arms around his neck as if he hadn’t been there the entire night.  

Nesta made her way toward the restrooms, finding the door locked. She leaned against the opposite wall, crossing her arms and resting her head back while she waited. Now that she was standing still, she found herself blinking against her clouded vision, brought about by her ever-strengthening buzz. She looked ahead as she heard someone exiting the bathroom, taking longer than she usually would to realize who was in front of her: Tomas Mandray. 

“Nesta? Hey!” Tomas stepped forward to give her a small hug. “Long time, no see!”

Nesta returned the hug, quickly sliding into a mask of politeness as she prepared herself for small talk with someone she hadn’t seen in years. She had dated Tomas for a very brief period of time; nothing too serious. They had been much younger, more immature, but he had been nice enough. They were still too selfish at the time to invest more in each other, and they had ended things mutually. 

“How are you? It’s good to see you!” She pulled back and gave him a small smile. They talked briefly about what they had been doing in recent years, if they had seen any of their old mutual friends, etc., when she felt the presence of another person approaching from her left. It was Tomas who addressed him first.

”Hey, Cassian. How’s it going?” He extended his hand for a brief handshake.

“It’s going, man. Just taking a quick bathroom break.” He turned his gaze to Nesta, greeting her so politely that she could have slapped him. “Hey, Nesta.”

”Hey, Cassian.” She tried to sound as friendly as possible to avoid signaling to Tomas that there was any discord. 

“So, Mandray. What about you? How have you been?” Cassian had shifted his attention back to Tomas quickly, likely with the same goal in mind. 

“Pretty good. I moved for a little while, but I just moved back to Velaris this week for work. I haven’t had much time to get out and about with trying to settle in, but I’m glad to be back.”

”I didn’t realize you’d moved back! I guess we’ll be seeing you around more often!” Cassian gave him a friendly clap on the shoulder. 

“Yea, you all are some of the first people I’ve run into that I still know from before. Nice to see some friendly faces, for sure. Anyway, I won’t keep you.” He looked from Cassian to Nesta, addressing her fully. “Want to get together for dinner soon? Old time’s sake?”

”Oh. Sure! Sounds good.” He seemed satisfied with that answer and walked away.

  Cassian waited until Tomas was walking back into the main area of the bar before he turned to Nesta. She was still leaning against the wall, her foot propped back against it, and arms crossed in front of her chest. Despite her better judgment, she looked up at him and couldn’t help but track her eyes over the angles of his handsome face. Her eyes lingered on the small scar through his eyebrow, traced his cheekbones, jaw, until finally, landing on his hazel eyes.

  “So. Mandray, huh?” She saw the tension in his jaw, likely knowing he had no right to ask the question but wanting to know anyway. 

Her first thought was to tell him to fuck off, but she thought better of it. She still needed to keep her lid on those unaddressed emotions, regardless of the fact that it was busting at the seams now. She schooled her face into indifference and lifted her chin, refusing to shy away from his question. 

“Is that jealousy, Cass? It’s not becoming.” She continued to hold his gaze. She hoped her neutral expression didn’t slip upon hearing his response, his honesty surprising her. 

“Yea. It is.” He huffed a laugh and had the good sense to look sheepish. “How do you expect me not to be jealous? I know too much.” He was scanning her face now, all too similar to how he gauged her reaction that last time they were together. 

“You know too much? What could you possibly know about Tomas? He’s been back in Velaris for all of 10 minutes, and you haven’t heard from him in years. He could be a totally different person.” She kept her tone even, matter of fact.

  He closed the distance between them, bracing his forearm on the wall next to her head. She had to look up slightly to maintain eye contact and felt suddenly assaulted by his familiar scent: something woodsy with hints of smoke and rain. They were so close that she could also smell the whiskey he had been drinking throughout the night. He slid his other hand into his front pocket and shifted his weight casually to one side. 

“I don’t know shit about Mandray, Nes. I’m talking about you and the things that wreck me to think he’d learn about you.”

Although she knew she shouldn’t ask it, the question left her lips. “And just what is it that you know about me?” 

A small smirk graced the side of his mouth, yet his eyes were so earnest that she couldn’t bear to hold the smirk against him. He wet his lips and cleared his throat before answering her. “For starters, the way your body flushes. It usually starts right about here,” he removed his hand from his pocket to touch the center of her chest with his index finger, “and it travels upward to here.” He softly dragged his knuckle from right below where her necklace fell to her collarbone. He shifted his hand to run the pad of his thumb over the prominent bone, toward her shoulder. He gently cupped it near her shoulder seam, softly grazing his palm toward her neck. “All across here.” He moved his large hand to cup the side of her neck, running his thumb over her delicate jaw. “Up here.” He finally slid his hand to cup her face, tracing her cheekbone with his thumb. “And ending up here.” 

She wasn’t sure she was breathing, but she didn’t have it in her to pull away. Not when her blood was singing at his proximity, at his scent, everything. She swallowed hard and tried to steady her breathing. She was only partially aware of someone sweeping past them to occupy the bathroom, effectively gluing her the spot. 

“Then, your breathing starts to pick up. You take deep breaths and release them in soft pants.” He moved his hand to trace the shell of her ear with his thumb, and Cauldron boil her if she didn’t lean in slightly to his caress. He cupped the side of her neck as he dipped his head, their cheeks barely grazing, and lowered his voice. 

“After a while, you start to kill me with your soft moans and your small whines, and you really kill me when my name starts to fall from your lips. That’s when I know you’re close, Nes.”

She wasn’t sure how long she could go with such shallow breaths before passing out on the tile below her, but between that, the tightening in her core, and his small ministrations, she couldn’t imagine that it would be long at all. She could feel his stubble against her cheek and his breath against her ear. His voice was low and raspy, adding to the onslaught of sensations. When she felt his nose graze her temple ever so slightly, her hands moved forward of their own volition, finding their home on his rib cage.

How did this escalate so quickly?

He continued to graze his nose gently over her temple, his lips brushing it as well. “You have the smallest of veins that presents itself right here. Only right before I feel you come for me.”

At his words, she felt herself gripping his shirt tightly around his ribs. He left out a small hiss, then a groan, before the bathroom door flew open again. He shielded her with his body, waiting until the person leaving the bathroom was well into the bar before looking at her. He squeezed his eyes shut, gently shook his head, and cleared his throat. 

“Umm. I think that’s you, Nes,” he said. He started to lean away from her, the moment gone, and she felt the absence of his warmth immediately. Unable to formulate an actual reply, she merely nodded before stepping around him to enter the bathroom. Once inside, she leaned back against the door, begging her brain to catch up with what just happened. She blinked toward the ceiling and breathed deeply to try and cool her blood, a solitary thought playing on a loop in her head.

Oh, fuck.

—————————————————————————

A/N: Hope y’all enjoyed it! I realize this isn’t an ideal place to leave off, but it was the most logical place to break it into parts! I had fun writing a buzzed (approaching drunk) and playful Nesta because I feel like she’s so dynamic. Sometimes I feel like she gets pigeonholed into this one-dimensional, miserable character, but even people who are in pain have their moments where the facets of their personality shine through. I hope that comes through in this chapter!

If you’d like to be tagged in future updates, feel free to reblog, comment, or send me a message! As always, your feedback is welcome as well!

Tags Below:

@polireader // @lord-douglas-the-third // @justgiu12 // @notyournymphetish // @sjm-things // @strangeenemy // @iammissstark // @keshavomit // @sjmships // @cookiemonsterwholovesbooks // @dusty-lightbulb // @texas-shaped-waffle-maker // @julemmaes

[junipersgarden]

metanoia 6. | Ablaze

PAIRING: Peter Parker x Superhero!Reader

SUMMARY: Arriving in Prague, the responsibility and pressure builds up, Beck gives Peter a talk, Y/N gives Fury a talk and Peter and Ned think a night at the Opera isn’t that bad. 

WORD COUNT: 5493 words

WARNINGS: Fighting (physical and verbal)

a/n: hello lovely people !! here is the next part of the metanoia series and hope you enjoy this one !! (also i suck at action scenes so sorry). 

[NOT MY GIF] 

...

In Prague, Czech Republic...

...

Tony Stark.

Of course the first thing you'd see as the bus pulls up to the hotel is an art piece of Tony plastered across a building; it's funny how even after everything, his always there to watch over you... making things now so much harder...

You notice clusters of people on the Prague streets all bundled together holding poles with light decorations attached to them, wearing glow stick accessories with buzzes of conversation and music swaying in the wind.

For the Lights Festival.

Before you realize it, the van gradually slows to a complete stop in front of an exquisite and traditional building and with everyone boarding off,  you rise from your seat cautiously in mind of your injured head and carry yourself down the bus with the others.

As all of you enter through the golden doors, audible mumbles and gasps of wonder murmur around and even yourself, you can't help but widen your eyes at the 'minor' upgrade to the previous hotel but even though the hotel was all amazement and grand, the gnawing heavy thought of what is to come is chewing away at your conscious and from Peter's hurried eyes and awkward stance, you can tell that he feels the same way.

Coincidentally, you peer over at Peter and hear his phone vibrate at the same time yours does with Peter stepping away from the group to take a call, you grab your phone out and see a singular message:

from: UNKNOWN

We're expecting you and Spider-Man.

Spider-Man has been instructed by Hill and you are instructed to place on your suit and headpiece and make your way to these coordinates as soon as possible.

Remember the plan for tonight, come on time, ready and strong.

Exhaling deeply, you shove your phone back and can't help but observe Peter from afar who is talking to Ned with a worried manner; he doesn't deserve this...

Slipping away from the group who are all immersed in conversation, you hastily manage sneak yourself back out of the main entrance and look for a place to suit up.

Your eyes meet along an alleyway and you make a run for it and as you are running, you lift your bracelet to your mouth and whisper the command.

Once in the safety of the darkness of the alleyway, ARIS complies and you feel your suit mold perfectly around your body and when ready, you fly into the night, full of fear and regret to the coordinates.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Physics is easy!" Peter exclaims with his hands in the air, accidentally letting his pencil go.

"For you! You're a science guy; anything science and you just absorb the information and understand it! I can't do that!" Y/N huffs out an annoyed breath.

"Sure you can Y/N/N! It's just about practice-"

"I can't do formulas Pete! Biology and psychology are more like terms and stuff but physics is like science math; a science for math!"

"Not really..."

"Ugh I dunno! All I know is that I'm going to fail this physics project." Y/N spins on the chair and blows a strand of loose hair away.

"That's why I'm here! You got me to help! I'll teach you physics and we can put more physics into your cute brain!" Peter's cheeks redden after he realises what he said.

"Did you call me cute Parker?" Y/N inches closer to him with her cheeks creeping into a blush.

"N-No c-cute can mean small-" Peter tries to improve his situation.

"Are you saying I have a small brain?!" Y/N gasps and dramatically places a hand across her heart.

"N-No! You have a h-huge brain! You're really s-smart! The s-smartest girl I know! I'm sorry I-"

"Petey! I was just joking! But, thank you for acknowledging my small brain." Y/N giggles as Peter chuckles with her. "But on a more serious note, do you reckon I'll pass this test?"

"Well, with that cute brain of yours-"

"Peter!"

"Parker!" Fury snaps Peter from his trance and back into reality; a reality he wishes wasn't real.

"Yes sir?" Peter answers with a quicken voice.

"That thing is going to be here in a few hours; are we boring you-"

"I don't think he's bored," Saviour steps forward with annoyance in their voice, "I think he's just thinking about how you're holding him hostage and how you hijacked his entire school vacation just so he can satisfy your needs, sir."  Saviour smugly cocks their head up to Fury and even behind their mask, Peter could tell a smirk lied on their face.

"He had obstacles... I removed them. And for my needs?  We're talking about an entire city being at risk Saviour." Fury coldly responds and Saviour's strong stance sinks a little.

"They still won't evacuate the city." Maria Hill strolls away from the compute monitors and next to Fury, directing her statement to him.

"Ugh.. idiots..." Fury shakes his head and mutters to himself. "So Parker," Fury tilts his head to look at Peter, "what's the plan?"

Mysterio, Saviour, Maria Hill and Fury all avert their attention and eyes onto Peter, waiting for him to recite out exactly what the plan for tonight is.

"I will be... in the cathedral tower, keeping watch for the Fire Monster and when that shows up, I will radio you guys, and then Saviour and Mr. Beck and I will-"

"My name is Mysterio." Beck injects and with a gesture aimed at Peter, Peter smiles widely and lets off a soft chuckle.

"That's right... Mysterio, Saviour and I will move in."

"Peter listen to me, the best hope you have, the only hope you have is to stop it here and now. No matter what the cost." Mysterio's demeanor darkens.

Peter's face has fallen from Mysterio's statement as he slowly walks toward him with only fear on his face, turning pale like a ghost.

"Move it away from civilians if you can but most importantly, keep it away from metal. If it gets too big, it'll be able to draw power from the Earth's core and after that, there's no way to stop it."

Mysterio, finishing his speech of warning and advice, Peter stares deeply and blankly at the floor as he processes the newly received information; his friends were just in the hotel not even 10 minutes away from the town square, where the Fire Elemental is set to attack.

Peter knows that he can't loose anyone else, he can't endanger his loved ones again and be the one to pay the price; the ultimate cost of Tony's life had scarred him and taught him a sacred lesson in life; life is too short and that you can loose just about anything with the snap of your fingers.

Thoughts of May, Ned, Y/N and MJ fly through his mind; even though May isn't present to be affected by the Elemental but what if her nephew fails to arrive home? What if Ned looses his best friend tonight? What if Y/N- Y/N.

Y/N L/N. The one who'd pulled him out of his depression after Tony's death, the one who understood the consequences of the hero life, the one who helped him to see his worth, the one he had fallen in love with.

What if I never get the chance to tell Y/N?

"Hey man," Peter quivers as if he is about to cry, "my friends are here, and I can't help and think we're putting them at risk-"

"You worry about us hurting your friends?! You, who called a drone strike on your own school tour bus?" Fury stands up angry and marches toward Peter.

"Stark gave you a multi-billion dollar AR and the first thing you do with it? You start blowing up your friends! It's clear to me that you were not ready for this!" Fury points his finger at Peter as Peter nods and cowers away with tears threatening his eyes.

"Of course he wasn't ready!" Saviour glides in front of Peter, 'protecting' him from Fury's blows, "you thought it'd be such a wise idea to give a kid a multi-billion dollar tactical intelligence system which you had no clue what it was or did to him, a teenager that is in mourning so you don't have the responsibility because you felt 'it was right'."

"Saviour don't-" Mysterio advises, raising his arm to gently place his hand on a shoulder to swiftly lead Saviour out.

"Don't tell me don't," Saviour shoves Mysterio back and appoints back to yell at Fury, "you're forcing him to help you and your people save a city once again, against his own goddamn will because you're afraid SHIELD is going to fail again just like how you guys somehow managed to let HYDRA infest itself without anyone noticing! You SHIELD scumbags just use people with these talents, skills and powers to your own will because you're nothing without Mysterio, without me, without him! Take a hard look in the goddamn mirror Fury because from the looks of it, you're trying to rebuild your idea... admit it Fury, The Avengers are dead. Get over yourself and this pathetic vision and focus on what's at hand instead of trying to brainwash Parker here to become another puppet for you to pull your strings on." Saviour hisses out with venom, breathing loudly from the yelling.

Fury remains silent but a cold, stern expression lies heavily on his face.

Peter, overwhelmed by everything and what is being said jumps to his feet and sprints out of the room, away from all the drama and needing to catch a breath.

"I'll go talk to him." Mysterio announces and gives Saviour a look of disappointment with a shake of his head, Mysterio hovers and flies out of the room.

Saviour pivots a foot toward the exit to follow Peter and Mysterio but stops to say one last thing: "Don't you dare turn Parker into Tony."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

A chill breeze flurries past Peter as he dangles his feet off the edge of the building, lost in thought and withdrawn from his surroundings; all Peter can do is ponder of the fight about to happen, what the consequences and outcome might be, the things Fury and Mysterio had said and even of Saviour standing up for him; sure they'd worked alongside back with each other in New York but Saviour treated him differently; Saviour was more reckless, confident and not as 'open' or 'caring' to Peter when he was Spider-Man but it seems now after the Blip, Saviour had softened to him and was more protective and willing to form a bond.

Saviour preferred to work alone; Peter knew that since Saviour had only worked with him as Spider-Man if it was absolutely necessary but Peter never knew why but until now, Saviour was always requesting for him back in New York, even if it was the smallest task or jobs that Peter knew Saviour could easily accomplish by them self.

Of course Peter didn't mind, he was just curious of this sudden change but he couldn't focus on that now; Peter needed to get his mind ready and needed to follow the plan unless his friends and Y/N could potentially get extremely hurt.

Glancing up from hearing a series of small whirring noises, Peter sees Mysterio floating in front of him and feels somewhat sad that it isn't Saviour.

"Fury asked me to come up here and see how you were doing. It's  just, he felt bad about snapping at ya." Mysterio explains.

"Really?"

"You guys do have sarcasm on this Earth right?"

Peter dryly chuckles; of course Fury wouldn't exactly care.

"How are you feeling?" Mysterio genuinely asks Peter who he can tell is deep in thought.

"Uhh... I didn't think I was gonna have to save the world this summer... I know that makes me sound like such a jerk I just- I had this plan with this girl I really like and now, it's all ruined." Peter sighs and can't help but imagine of Y/N which causes him to tear up a little.

Mysterio levitates down next to Peter as his fishbowl mask dissolves away. "You're not a jerk for wanting a normal life kid. It's a hard path; you see things, do things, make choices... people look up to you and... even if you win a battle sometimes they die." Mysterio fixates on the distance as Peter takes everything in.

"I like you Peter, you're a good kid. There's a part of me that wants me to tell ya to just, turn around and run away from all this and there's another part of me that... knows what we're about to face and fight... and what's at stake and I'm glad you're here." Mysterio turns to look at Peter.

"Me too."

"But you worry about your friends." Mysterio questions.

"Yeah... I just always feel that I'm putting them in danger..."

"Look just, get them inside and keep them in a safe place for just a few hours and it'll be alright." Mysterio nods as if he is nodding to himself for reassurance.

A silence falls between the both of them as they stare into the night sky and prepare for what is to come.

"It's nice... have somebody to talk too about superhero stuff ya know?" Peter admits.

"Anytime and hey you survive this, you have all summer to kill Brad Davis."

Mysterio gives Peter a smile as Peter returns one to him.

"See you out there." Peter gathers his backpack and just like that, leaps from the building and lands back down onto the ground, determined to keep his friends safe and sound.

Peter digs into his backpack and retrieves EDITH and places the glasses onto his face. "EDITH?"

"Hello Peter."

"Hey! Uhhh, I need to find a way to keep my friends inside for the next few hours."

"Let's see what we can do."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Good news, we're going to the Opera!" Mr. Harrington with a beaming smile announces to the class

From around the corner, you see the class all sitting around with glow sticks attached to themselves, all begin to uprise in murmurs of disagreement and disapproval as they all shoot Mr. Harrington bizarre looks.

You take the opportunity of them all invested with Mr. Harrington and his announcement to silently slide in the free space between Peter and MJ.

Peter hearing your movement, glimpses at your direction and you send him a friendly smile, swearing at yourself for feeling your cheeks turning pink.  

"Don't look at me." Mr. Dell informs the students and clearly tells them that he is on their side.

"What happened to the carnival." MJ asks the question on everyone's minds.

"Well this is upgrade living guys. Come on, the tour company just gave us these tickets. For free! Do you have any idea how much opera tickets cost?" Mr. Harrington debates.

"No. Because none of us have ever wanted to go to the opera." Flash speaks on everyone's behalf.

Overlooking at Peter's face and Ned's nervousness, you pick up that Peter is influencing Ned to agree about the opera; maybe it's a diversion?

"Uh, well I think this is going to be cultural impact for us." Ned suddenly proposes.

"Thank you Ned." Mr. Harrington points at Ned and agrees with him. "Everyone, this is maybe, going to be the best 4 hours of our whole trip."

Groans of protest arise of the discovery of the time length of the opera.

"Guys come on, I also think that it's gonna be really fun... seriously! It'll be like The Phantom of The Opera." You lead on with Ned.

Hearing some people agree with you on The Phantom of The Opera, Mr. Harrington excuses everyone to change into a nice outfit.

You along everyone else, leave your seats and enter your rooms to change and rummaging through your suitcase, you find the dress you'd been saving for; the dress was ironically black and white;  the top half was fully black and transitioned to white with patterns of black floral prints on the white to match with the top which paired perfectly with your black and white wedges.

Laying the dress onto the bed with the shoes, you undress yourself and pull the dress down onto your body and place your shoes on and critique yourself in the mirror, you decide to curl a few strands of hair and clip on a pair of earrings and finally happy with your look, you clutch your purse and exit your room and meet everyone outside as you all start to walk to the opera.

Grumbles and moans are heard as fireworks explode in the distance, lights brightly fill the busied square with everyone wishing to attend one of the world's biggest festival's instead of the Opera.

You agree with them; the Opera sounds mentally exhausting but you'd rather have your friends alive than at the hands of a fire monster; the plan needed to work because if it didn't, everything could be exposed and destroyed and you wouldn't be let off the hook.

Feeling something brush into your side, you find Peter Parker in a suit walking next to you, a red blush prominent on his face as he whips his head away from you.

Must be nervous about the plan.

Before you know it, Mr. Harrington stops abruptly which causes everyone to accidentally bump into one another as he quickly glances and reads the tickets and matches the address to the sign of the place, Mr. Harrington leads everyone in with a stride which is halted almost immediately as upon entering the Opera House.

"Here we are... looks like we bet the rush..." Mr. Harrington falters as the depressing sight of empty seats and elderly slowly move to their seat and wait patiently for the show to begin. "Lucky for us we got the best seats in the house!"

Mr. Harrington starts to lead everyone to the front row all with looks of boredom, you don't follow them but watch as they all pile into their seats, you adjust the earring with your earpiece so that you're ready to hear for the signal; tonight has to have no mistakes or flaws unless everything is done for.

"Hey," Brad Davis calls at you, you turn your nose and flatter him with a fake smile, "I'll save you a seat."

Grimacing internally at his comment, you smile at him and once he is out of sight, roll your eyes at him and lower your smile to rest.

Hearing shuffling behind you, Peter glides next to you with a nervous face.

"Something on your mind?" You ask Peter who is staring intensely at the ground and lifting his feet up and down from the ground.

"N-No... just excited about the Opera is all." Peter lies but curses at himself for the stupid and unbelievable lie.

"Yeah... 4 hours of singing that we probably won't understand... lucky us." You joke and play along with his 'love' for Opera.

Peter chuckles at your joke but the only thing on his mind is how you look so effortlessly beautiful in that black and white floral dress, eyes shimmering and battling against the brightness of the golden walls, hair bouncing and sitting so neatly... to Peter you were perfection in the flesh and yet you do it so easily, you truly astonish him everyday.

"You look really pretty tonight..." Peter mumbles at you with his eyes fixated on yours.

Peter's compliment takes you off guard; Peter Parker just called me pretty... but doesn't he have his eyes on someone else?

"Oh just tonight Parker?"  You cock your head up and give him a confused face, begging and praying that he couldn't see the blushing and flustered mess underneath your facade.

"N-No- you're gorgeous all the time- I mean pretty- I mean-" Peter struggles to say a word.

"Peter I'm only teasing but thank you... and you look pretty too..." You play with you dress anxiously.

Peter and you share a comfortable silence filled by both of your soft smiles to one another, butterflies flutter nervously inside you.

"Hey Pete?"

"Y-Yeah?" Peter's eyes gaze into yours deeply and intently, his soft brown and innocent eyes scorn your own and the words fail to come out of your mouth.

"D-Do you, I dunno, wanna be seat partners or something? Or maybe just leave and get out of here with me?"

Peter's heart dropped; Y/N was asking him, plain ole Peter Parker to hang out,  just the two of them and he was over the moon, with his response ready at his tongue and head.

"No."  Peter gingerly answers.

"No as in you just want to seat next to other or ditch or just no to me?" Insecurity manifests in your speech as you hurriedly ask mostly to yourself.

"I-I didn't mean that uh if you go ahead and I'll be your partner... we'll be a pair."

"O-Okay Parker... I'll save you a seat, next to me because... why not?"  You justify your reasoning to ease your conscious and make your way to the front row.

Peter Parker watches from afar as he rapidly presses on his earpiece to make Nick Fury shut up, Peter watches you move to the front row of seats and a throbbing pain fills his chest; he has to leave you to keep you safe, even if it jeopardizes his plan and your friendship.

Sharply turning away, Peter bumps into Ned

"C-Can you tell Y/N/N I'm sorry?"

"Yeah, yeah dude of course but Peter no matter what you do, steer the monster away from the Opera house please. We're all counting on you." Ned's voice shook with a hint of fear in his speech.

Peter's eyes looked around the room; all his friends, Ned, MJ and Y/N were in this room, all depending on him to save them... he can't let them down... not again at least.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Joyous music and fun filled the town square as the people danced and let off their lights and colours into the night, all in celebration for the Lights Festival.

Amongst being hidden by what remained in the dark, refraining from the fireworks and lights, Peter held himself against the cathedral tower and with worried and focused eyes, kept scanning and looking, observing for any sign of the Fire Elemental with his tongue at the ready to warn everyone of the monster's arrival.

"Alright I'm in position. Uh, as soon as I see something Beck I'll let you know."

"Roger that. Any sign of Saviour?"

"Negative," Nick Fury's static voice answers, "Parker, how's the suit?"

"It's uh great. It's just a bit tight- around the ole webshooter-"

"Parker!" Nick Fury barks at Peter's inappropriate reference.

"Okay I'll shut up. B-but there's still no sign of Saviour?"

"None at all. Haven't been contacted and they didn't meet up at our position." Beck radios in.

Where the hell are you Saviour?

"Energy's spiking." Fury dials in on the radio, seeing the alert.

"We have seismic activity."  Mariah pitches in.

From the tower, Peter stares at a statue, watching the metal be completely digested by magma flowing freely and growing rapidly around the statue, bystanders watching the phenomenon take place, not knowing the true identity and moral danger they are in.

Goosebumps and Peter's hairs stood on end as a  glow grew larger and larger until sounds of screams and hurried footsteps of people running filled Peter's super sensed ears; it's now or never.

"Okay he's here! Beck are you ready? You know what to do?"

"On your lead Spider-Man."

Bellowed roars erupted from the monster as it spewed out hot flames around it, causing destruction and horror to the town square of Prague, people flee in terror as cars are crushed and explosions implode from the beast.

Watching and patiently waiting from the tower, Peter spots Beck touch down onto the ground, releasing his green smoke around him and wielding his power as his weapons.

"You're up kid."

Shooting a web, Peter grabs his decoy and swings toward the Fire Elemental and whacks it hard, causing it to loose balance and focus just in time for Peter to swing to safety.

As Beck fires at the monster, Peter sees fire hydrates planted on the ground directly next to the enemy and latches a web and pulls them clean off, water spraying onto the Elemental and weakening it.

Bursting in outrage, the Fire Elemental punches the wall Peter is stuck onto, debris fly from the impact as Peter jumps onto a carousel.

Whew that was-

The Fire Elemental doesn't let him finish as it hits the carousel and Peter flies off, colliding onto the ground violently and eventually hitting the back of a Ferris Wheel.

"No Beck! He's got the carousel!" Peter yells as he sees the Fire Elemental consume the carousel and grow even bigger.

"Night- Monkey!" "Night-Monkey help us!"

Night-Monkey? Wha-

Peter turns around to find the source of the pleas for help and is met with the dreaded faces of fear from Ned Leeds and Betty Brant from the Ferris Wheel.

Panic rushing into his system, heavy thumps from the Fire Elemental's footsteps increase, inching closer and closer, it's eyes of red burning through Peter.

Peter attempts to slow the creature down by webbing it and pulling it, but as soon as he shoots his webs, the fire burns them off.

Raising its arm, the Fire Elemental goes to strike Peter, Peter braces for it.

No, no, no what do I do? What do I do? Please no-

But nothing happens; Peter opens his eyes and feels energy flurrying all around him; a black smoke shaped of a force field, a figure of black and white standing next to him with their arms extended out as if they are controlling it...

Saviour!

"SAVIOUR!"

"Hey Spidey. Miss me that much huh? You okay?" Saviour asks with a groan, busy concentrating on keeping their form.

"Yeah, yeah! I'm fine! Plan B?"

"Well it looks like- umph, Plan A isn't- ugh, working." Saviour groans as the Fire Elemental starts hitting the dome.

"We gotta hit him with something!" Peter shouts over the noise and looks hurriedly at Saviour.

"I go left, you go right.... NOW!" Saviour throws their hands away and quickly flies left as Peter swings right.

Saviour glides through the air, searching and scanning for anything to throw at the creature.

"Where's Beck?"

"Coming up behind you." Saviour spots Beck in his Mysterio costume fly next to them.

"Parker, I'll grab those kids from the wheel, you and Beck fight this crazy inferno." Saviour boosts toward the Ferris Wheel.

"Okay!" Peter runs up a wall and flips, webs a rock from the destruction and flings it the Fire Elemental, successfully damaging and stunning it. "Shoot it now!"

Beck aims his hands and fires at the Elemental, a green patch from Beck's attack glows on its chest. "That hurt him! Keep it coming!"

Peter and Beck start to work as a team; Peter stunning the creature with Beck attacking it with his blasts.

"Spider-Man! Keep your distance!"

"I'm trying!" Peter cries back.

"Can't let him get near the Ferris Wheel!"

"Parker and I are on it!"  Saviour chimes in and swoops Peter up from the ground, flying them both toward the Ferris Wheel, dropping Peter in the carriage with Ned and Betty.

Suddenly while Peter goes to shoot a web and as Saviour is flying in toward them, they both knock and feel something hard, Saviour knocks out of orbit and Peter's web sticks onto something that isn't there.

Saviour goes flying through the air, losing all control and balance of flight, heading straight toward the Elemental.

"SAVIOUR!" Peter shouts in agony as Saviour's body disappears in the flames.

The Fire Elemental hears Ned and Betty's screams and draws itself to the Ferris Wheel,  Peter tries to get Ned and Betty out before it's too late.

Saviour rockets back onto the Ferris Wheel and holds onto the carriage tightly, Peter sighing in relief.

"I'll get Buffy and Angel out of here while you web up the wheel!" Saviour calls out to Peter.

"Saviour! Need you now!"

"I- I can't I gotta get them out and I'm drained out-" Saviour starts to ramble as they lift up Betty from the Ferris Wheel seat.

"When I say I need you, I need you!" Beck continues to aim and fire at the Elemental to cease it from reaching them as Peter swings himself around, webbing the Ferris Wheel to stable it.

"Thank you so much Saviour! You're a life-" Betty starts to praise Saviour but as Saviour lifts Betty, Saviour abruptly drops her back into the seat and clutches their side.

"Are you hurt?!" Ned frantically asks.

"No, i-it's nothing... I'm good." Saviour raises their hand toward Beck and moans in pain, holding it for 10 seconds before going back to retrieve Betty.

"It's too late..." Mariah's voice utters into the piece. Oh no.

Beck turns toward them both, unveiling his mask, "What ever happens next, I'm glad I met the both of you."

"Beck! What are you doing?!"

"What I should of done last time." Beck answers Peter as he begins to summon all his power.

Saviour's hand raises toward Beck as if they are trying to stop Beck from his actions as their other hand grips weakly to the Ferris Wheel.

"Beck don't do it!" Peter cries.

Beck screams in pain as his power all starts to come out and unravel itself, ready for one last and final attack.

Beck flies forward and punches the Fire Elemental straight in the chest, his power absorbing as the beast stumbles back as Beck's power manifests it.

Saviour screams a blood curling scream before the creature lets out its final cry and falls to the ground, green mist exploding with it.

Green particles fly all around as Peter sticks the final web together and sees Beck's body lying on the ground, burnt and defeated.

Peter jumps down as Saviour stays clinging onto the Ferris Wheel, Peter approaches Beck's body with horrific flashbacks.

"M-Mr. Beck?" Peter lightly turns his body, a gasp of breath relieves Peter as Beck wearily opens his eyes.

Saviour lands beside them and helps Peter into bringing Beck back up onto his feet.

The SHIELD opearatives along with Nick Fury and Mariah Hill close in as Beck sits down with Peter and Saviour by his side; Peter standing and Saviour holding their side next to Beck.

"I thought a vacation meant being away from the work and not the work coming to us." Saviour dryly chuckles with a cough.

"That's the last Elemental though..." Beck informs.

"But not the last threat." Nick Fury strides up next to the three heroes. "Hill and I are going to headquarters in Berlin tomorrow. You should come with us." Fury looks at Beck as he speaks.

Beck stands and firmly grabs Fury's hand and shakes it. "Thank you. I might take up on that."

Nick Fury then approaches Peter Parker who stands still and awkward, awaiting for Fury's words.

"You got gifts Parker," Fury starts, "but you don't wanna be here-"

"Mr. Fury I-"

"I'd like you in Berlin too. But you've got to decide if you're going to step up or not. Stark chose you, he made you an Avenger... I need that. The world needs that. Maybe Stark was wrong... was he?"

Peter's eyes burn from the tears forming in his eyes; he has nothing to say and doesn't know what to say.

"And as for you Saviour, you're lucky I want Beck and since apparently you two are a package deal, I want you in Berlin too. But I don't want to see anymore of your efforts like tonight; you didn't bother or care to show up and look at what happened; if you followed the plan, maybe things could of turned out better, maybe you would of been an actual hero. You didn't do anything." Fury stares sharply at Saviour before walking off with Mariah and driving away from the scene.

Peter and Saviour say nothing, the silence speaks for them but Beck doesn't stand for it; Beck offers his hand to help Saviour up which they slap away and stand them self, taking off into the night without a word.

Beck walks over to Peter who is left standing still and quiet after Fury's words and places a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, let's get a drink."

TAG LIST !! < 3

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[paperwick]

This is my not spoiler free take on Picard.

This is a mess of a post, but I’m still trying to work through my thoughts. If I was still in college, I would watch the series one more time and write an essay, but we’ll have to settle for this stream of consciousness under the cut. (My apologies to mobile users). 

The main theme of Picard is about ‘killing for a cause’. It tries to explore this through several character’s arcs: primarily Soji, Sutra, Agnes Jirati, Seven of Nine, Rizzo, and Oh. (I don’t include Elnor because, though he kills for a cause, there’s no character development for him in this respect.)

There’s loosely a theme of “Should I kill to prevent more death/disaster?” vs “Should I kill so I might not be killed?”. 

I’m mostly gonna leave out Seven because her development on this is really non-existent, but the writers use her as a positive example of “killing to prevent more death/disaster” as a foil to Rizzo, Oh, and Agnes. I honestly feel this comparison is falsely equivalent, because Seven wasn’t wiping out an entire race or murdering an innocent man when she killed two very guilty murders. Is it right to kill murderers? Who knows, the show doesn’t REALLY touch on it so neither will we.

Here’s the scene: a faction of organics (Rizzo, Oh, Agnes) believe that synthetic life spells doom for all organic life and are seeking to destroy them. In response to total annihilation, the synthetics (Soji, Sutra) are willing to annihilate all of organic life to permanently remove the threat. Picard insists both are wrong and that there is always a more peaceful solution. 

It’s all pretty black and white, with very few grey areas of opinion. 

It drives me nuts because there’s so much ROOM in this to open up the conversation about the role of violence in independence and in survival. How far do you pursue peaceful solutions before it gives way to violence? What are the consequences of being peaceful too long? Is it ethical to use excessive force if it’s the only means to survive?

But they break it down into harshly black and white scenarios. “All life must die so that we might survive.” “If we fight back at all, we lose our humanity.” There’s no subtly, no real moral exploration. 

There’s room in the show to explore how killing might effect how events unfold. But every time it happens, it’s the dead-end of that storyline. Maddox had already told them all they needed to know, what further damage could he even do when Agnes killed him? Bjayzl was no longer a threat to them. Rizzo was no longer a pusher in the story, they’d both fulfilled her plot-purpose when Seven killed them. 

There’s room to explore how similar synthetic life is to organic life, in their humanity and morality, and lack there-of at times, in their will and desperation to survive. But we constantly come back to androids not being “real”. It’s always about their function, never really their humanity. The writing from all angles, throughout the season, is that synthetic life is somehow less real. Nonequivalent. And we never really touch on that either, it’s wildly frustrating.

So we have Sutra, who is willing to destroy all organic life to save her and her family, representing a hard extreme. Oh wants to destroy all synthetic life to protect organic life, representing the other extreme. And Picard is firmly in the middle, saying we can all live in peace and harmony. 

And that’s the end of the conversation. 

There’s a moment where Soji tells Picard that he can’t be the voice of synthetic life, and that was a great moment. The androids can take up their own cause instead of relying on a third party for protection.

But then the writers turn around and have Picard be that voice anyway, against their will, to prove that the peaceful solution is the better solution. And he has to because there’s no grey area in these moments. It’s “choose to kill literally everyone in the galaxy or choose to kill no one”. Where’s the “choose to fight the people who actively want us dead” part of the conversation?

In response to “how can the marginalized defend and empower themselves”, we’re told “make friends with less marginalized people.” But they aren’t even the operative force in that solution. It’s Picard alone. They don’t get to add their voices to the mix. It was all out of their hands to begin with. Starfleet walks in all deus ex machina because one man asks them to show up. 

When Agnes killed Maddox, their point was that she was doing it to save organic life. We never explore why she thinks it was the right thing to do. What was she afraid of him doing? He was already dying, his death was unnecessary, all we’re given is that she was haunted by the vision Oh thrust upon her. And then we spend the rest of the season redeeming her because she “felt bad about killing him” and was “out of her mind” when she did it. SURELY she had a reason for doing it at the time? Even a really bad one? Was she worried he’d created another synthetic lifeform? Was she worried he might be integral to helping the androids fight back? Fuck if I know, we never really touch on it. 

The most blow back Agnes gets from literal murder is a slap on the wrist from Picard and Dr. Soong. She was supposed to turn herself in, but that didn’t happen in the end. We pleasantly forget she killed a helpless man because she and the pilot are in love, and “she knows she was wrong”. 

As it stands, it was just an excuse to inject needless drama into the show. But there is a real and current need for us to talk about people ‘killing for a cause’. 

We see it in our own lives on the news and in our daily lives, and it’s a mind-fuck. 

How governments “root out terrorists” and kill innocent civilians in the process. They say “it saved more lives than we took”. Did it? There’s a conversation to be had there, and a necessary one if we want to continue to look ourselves in the eyes. 

When a foreign country arranges for another’s leading revolutionary to be assassinated, do they have the right to do that? No, but they seem to think so and encourage their population to believe so. There’s a conversation to be had there. 

When the government (Oh) instructs their citizens (Agnes) that this other peoples is dangerous and will be the death of them, and gently encourages their citizens to harass that other party, the citizens will take the law into their own hands. It’s wrong, but many people seem to think it’s appropriate. Whether it’s race, religion, nationality, populations are constantly being guided towards believing other peoples are a threat to themselves. And there’s a conversation to be had there. A dire one. 

Instead of developing a commentary about this senseless act of murder, the show focuses on redeeming Agnes’ character. She was “crazy” at the time, her mind filled with “poison” from Oh. Which in a way is true, people become brainwashed by those in authority and act horribly, but she never faces the consequences of her actions. She ultimately suffers no consequences for murdering a man. And she does very little to truly redeem herself. She saves Picard to save the androids. Everyone seems to go, “oh no, she spilled the milk” and gently clean it up for her. 

Do I want her burned at the stake? Not really, she did help them in the end, she did seem to have growth, but to get away scot-free is just an insult to the crime she committed. Maddox was denied justice. I think there could have been a real conversation about people coming back from getting “red-pilled”, but it’s hard to walk back on murder. 

Overall there was a frustrating lack of real commentary. The deeper conversation here might’ve been “How can we navigate and defend ourselves in a world where others seek to undermine and destroy us?” and “Does the government have the right to dictate who should live or die?”. The first one is the harder question but so necessary, with so much room to empower people. The second is very straight forward, but one that a lot of people are struggling with right now because of a warped perspective promoted by their government (at least in America). 

What we got was “total annihilation of any group is bad” and OF COURSE IT IS. I know we’re having an issue with people believing that again, but even so, the show did not really deliver that message super well either. The final note on it was “there’s a ‘peaceful’ solution to total annihilation, but really only if you have a defensive force equal to that trying to destroy you”. The androids didn’t have any real say in their defense other than “we decided not to kill everyone.” 

UGH, I could go on, but the message of the series is so muddled. I keep coming back around to how poor the writing is. How punchy and action-packed it wasted its time being, instead of really working through the core problems. Instead of making a strong statement. 

Star Trek to me is about challenging how you think/feel. It’s about opening our minds and encouraging us to be better than what we are. It hasn’t always hit the mark, there are dozens and dozens of episodes where they shoot themselves in the foot they were so off the mark, but the spirit of it is to challenge your given perceptions. Especially relevant to the time it’s being made. 

Give us more LGBT relationships other than 1 second of on-screen handholding in the final shot, and maybe write something that actually shakes people’s hearts and challenges what the general population takes for granted. 

[potagepotiron]

Hate crime

Season 3 of WTFock has ended, Robbe & Sander have found love and everyone is eagerly awaiting Christmas. It is a time to be happy. Well I’m not. I’m not happy because of how WTFock handled an important event that could have been a gamechanger for LGBTQ fiction. I’m talking about the hate crime that ended episode 28. The way in which this plot line was conceived, handled and received, tells you a lot of how our society views minorities.

Fist and foremost, I am a SKAM fan. I watched every clip and every remake. My favourite is Season 3. Because I’m a gay man. I also know this series can change people’s minds. How different crews made it into their own and are very proud about the result. So I had high hopes when a Flemish version of Season 3 was announced.

So I was watching season 3, had a few remarks here and there, and then came that slur. I’ve written about it earlier. To a gay man like me, familiar with internalized homophobia, the concept of using a terrible slur and throwing accusations at Sander like Robbe just seemed baffling. Do not do unto others what you wouldn’t want them to do to you. You wouldn’t subject another human being to such hate, because you know how it feels. Pure and simple. And then, the hate crime happened.

Let’s be honest, WTFock failed in handling the hate crime, from the absence of trigger warnings before the clip, to the immediate aftermath, right until the very end of the series. There was no middle ground, it either had to commit to its choice and be brilliant or fail. It failed miserably. It chose to portray Robbe & Sander as victims and refused to show any form of queer resilience. And even when it became clear, near the end, that they decided to have the attack trigger other major events in the story, the writers opted to not address the hate crime. And to the optimists stating that the attack could be dealt with in Season 4, I say this: too late.

Personally, I wouldn’t have included graphic violence in the first place. To me there is no value in showing violence. I seriously doubt its inclusion in a series aimed at a teenage audience, because the negatives (trauma and copycat behaviour) far outweigh the learning opportunities, even when handled perfectly. I couldn’t finish the clip. That night, I, a grown man of 35 years of age, was wide awake in my bed until 4 in the morning. I couldn’t sleep, knowing that a number of LGBTQ youth saw that clip and became afraid. Decided to hide in the closet for a bit longer, maybe. The scene simply is not worth it.

And despite my sentiments, the reactions online seemed to disagree: “we needed to show this. We needed to be shown this. People need to know.” I couldn’t understand. Trust me, I know about gay bashing. And so should you. I read all the articles in newspapers about the atrocious hatecrimes in Belgium and elsewhere. I know who Ihsane Jarfi is. Friends of mine who are in a relationship have been scared to go out late at night. I’ve been called names in the street myself. I know. The quesion is, why do I need to see two boys being beaten and left in the street?

I don’t think the depiction of a gay bashing had its place in WTFock. However, I do think that a discussion of homophobia should be included, albeit in another way. Gay violence and intolerance could have been a part of the talk that Robbe & Milan had. I’m not demanding to turn a blind eye to homophobia or to sugarcoat a story. Also, I myself am not blind to homophobia. On the contrary, I have encountered more of it this year than ever before. Belgian football, for example, is still rife with homophobic chants. And recently far right politicians have stressed the need to clearly define norms and abnormality with regard to sexual orientation and the rights to adopt or to get married.

The real question is what kind of homophobia the show chooses, wants to or needs to battle. Gay bashing is a radical example of hate, but hate has many forms. And all hate is the result of a much more complex undercurrent in Flemish society. Hate stems from fear of the unknown, indifference or lack of knowledge. And that is why Flemish LGBT interest group çavaria remains committed to eradicating homophobia in schools. This behaviour can be unlearned. Education is key. And that is why it was a good decision for WTFock to zoom in on the reactions of friends after a coming out. They could have gone the extra mile, though. Homophobia is far more varied and widespread than WTFock shows you.

Back to the hate crime. I wonder why the WTFock writing team missed the mark. Norwegian SKAM director Julie Andem demanded that research into the local youth culture should precede any adaptation of the original content. I’m finding it hard to believe that the gay community was on board with the decision to show a gay bashing. I consulted among my gay friends and all thought it was a bad idea. I also wonder whether or not anti-gay violence is a problem that is typical of Flanders. It’s hard to find reliable data on hate crimes and to interpret it because there could be a reluctance to report incidents, but there seems to be no significant difference between Belgium and its neighbouring countries, nor is there a statistically significant rise in homophobic attacks during the last years. There has been a rise, but that could be due to a higher percentage of people reporting incidents.

I’ve argued that the choices the writers made are bad, and that there is little or no claim to say that hate crimes are typical of Flanders, no more than anywhere else in Western Europe or Scandinavia, where the series originated and where gay bashing wasn’t included. But do I believe that the writers knowingly sabotaged their own writing efforts? Surely not. Yet, it’s hard to pinpoint why the series was developed the way it was without hearing from the makers. Chances are we’ll never know. Unlike their French or Norwegian counterparts, the screenwriters have, up to now, chosen not to communicate on the series. It is my perception that indifference to its LGBTQ audience, an appetite for drama and shock value and a degree of ignorance manifested itself throughout the series. That may or may not have been the intention of the makers, we can’t know, but it certainly had that effect on me as a viewer.

As always, a part of me that says I’m being too harsh. I can imagine it’s a lot less difficult and a lot more relaxed to write series on superheroes then it is navigating your way through the pitfalls of minority representation or gay televised fiction, a genre that exists less than 30 years and of which the rules are being rewritten constantly. It’s also not easy to have a number of militant gays like myself looking over your shoulders constantly, scrutinizing every line and every motive and picking on the one detail that got overlooked.

And should we dismiss the entire series because of this one incident? Let’s move on, Sander and Robbe are happy. Isn’t that a heartwarming prospect to gay kids? But this relativity is the problem. Silencing a hate crime not a detail. Showing violence on tv has repercussions, and they can’t be undone by having a cute gay couple smooch underneath a Christmas tree. A SKAM remake has a responsibility towards its audience. And it’s not that a chance like this comes around often. Budget cuts in locally produced fiction will mean it will take years before there’s another chance to see local gay fiction on screen. So every chance we get needs to be perfect. Because it will affect a new generation of young people.

Ultimately, the question is why it is so hard to have good quality gay stories, made by queer creators for a queer audience? Why was this series made by three white middle-aged men with a background in marketing, with only one of them with proven credentials in screenwriting? Why is it so hard to hire gay actors or to find authentic gay voices? Is it really necessary that a series like SKAM S3 contains “learning moments for the straight community”? Can’t we, for once, make a tv series without taking into account the heterosexual majority? It might be a bit tentative of me to say this, but I’m sure Niels Rahou, the writer of Season 3 of SkamFrance, wouldn’t have included a gay bashing scene. He has commented frequently on his scenarios, he is openly gay and he stated he would have benefited from a similar series during his adolescence. I don’t think the Belgian writing team wrote with the same sense of urgency or treated SKAM as a passion project.

To end, let’s go back to the original version of Skam Norway. The reason why the format was so revolutionary is precisely because being gay or coming out wasn’t a big deal. Jonas didn’t bat an eyelid when Isak told him he’d been with a boy. His friends were fine with it, and so were his parents. Isak faced an internal struggle, gradually coming to terms with and being the result of living in a heteronormative society. But ultimately the mopey kid with a love of sleeping waged a bigger war with his eternally overflowing locker. He just accepted his sexuality. In the end, though, Isak had grown as a person and showed serious committment to his boyfriend Even. But the eye-opener of the series was the way in which same-sex attraction was treated as something not to worry about.

As a reaction to the way in which homosexuality was depicted as part of mundane everyday life, people rightfully complained that this story was a bit too rosy. And it’s true, there is white middle class privilege in this story. Among certain communities, coming out still isn’t evident and living a gay life is considered unsafe for some people. Yet, Julie Andem would rather show her viewers with a vision of an ideal world, in order to help and comfort a LGBT audience, than care about what the public would think of the season. I think WTFock could have been more attentive to that message.

Luckily, for most of us, being gay doesn’t lead us to being the victim of a hate crime. That doesn’t mean we can turn away from the reality of such violence. But almost all of my gay friends have, one way or another, been confronted with various examples of homophobic behavior. More often than not, these instances are based on ignorance and are more small-scale in nature. Being called names in the street. A supposedly witty remark made by a drunk uncle at a Christmas party. Or take the well-known Flemish tv personality who, in all his innocence, made a plea for abolishing the Antwerp gay pride parade during a televised comedy show in june. He was applauded by the audience and genuinely seemed impressed by his clever, seemingly inclusive reasoning. More often than not, the threats the homosexual community face consist not of the raw violence of the physical attack, but of vulgarity, stupidity or ignorance. It is a potentially dangerous to narrow down homophobia to physical attacks and take the risk to have your audience believe that they’re in the clear as long as they don’t punch someone to death.

The only way things will change for the better is when the heterosexual majority steps up its game. This means they have to change, they have to start questioning their accepted beliefs, or how they educate their kids. Ultimately, they themselves won’t benefit from these changes, on the contrary, society as a whole will be a bit less tailored to them when heteronormativity is eradicated.  Inclusivity is about the majority caring about the minority. So this is my advice to the WTFock team. Don’t care about clicks, controversy or drama. Don’t perpetuate the representation of LGBT individuals as victims of a harsh outside world. Dare to shake up old, established narratives. Show that homophobia is far more pervasive and far more subtle than the large-scale evil of a hate crime. And if you’re going down that route anyway, commit to it. Don’t brush it off. Status quo is no longer an option.

[handmaidensofnaboo]

“Ultimately, it is very apparent this novel was noticeably, lovingly, and carefully crafted by a Prequel fan, a Padmé fan, a Handmaiden fan... Queen's Shadow is a fitting tribute.”

❦

Queen's Shadow had a somewhat impossible task for me as a handmaiden “super fan,” a potentially “tough critic,” so I commend E.K. Johnston for willingly providing me with an early copy to share my thoughts on it with you all... I was nervous about how Queen's Shadow would turn out to be honest, but EKJ was up to the task...

I'll preface this review by saying Handmaidens were my first real community engagement in fandom. My older sister and I joined the Royal Handmaiden Society on TheForce.Net boards back around 2001 when I was about 14. The RHS was the reason I went to my first convention (Celebration II) and although the group isn't as present online as it once was (please follow @royalhandmaidensociety​), I made life long friends and it forever shaped and changed me. It was an overwhelmingly positive fandom experience at a very impressionable age and for that I'm forever thankful...  So for those of us who have such deep roots to this, who have, for the past 20 years, analyzed the handmaidens’ every micro expression, every costume, and have carved out our own understanding of them (from what little information that would could find), this book might be a bit "complicated " to process.

 At least it was for me.

With the announcement of Queen's Shadow, I was of course initially ecstatic, validated even, that they/we were being seen and heard, finally!! Yet mixed feelings slowly sunk in too. Despite us RHSers long lamenting the lack of content—handmaidens unjustly being overlooked in both Star Wars official media and for a long time in mainstream fandom—it also became this amazing small community space for each of us to freely imagine and play in. It’s been a kind of safe haven I've come to greatly appreciate. With a book featuring them... That could all potentially change. This fandom could change. I found myself wondering a few weeks ago, "Will I even like these girls? Will I love these new versions of Eiraté, Rabé, Sabé...” Something I've previously never had to consider. My fictional friends were about to be exposed on a larger than ever level, and reshaped, officially, forever. I was worried.



I knew I had to go into this book open minded, no way could EKJ take each one of our different headcanons and fantasies and appease us all in one ultimate text—but to my surprise, there were certainly select striking scenes, moments, I had while reading, where (for me) she did accomplish just that.  

After both the prologue and the first chapter in particular (which were centered around my favorite Handmaidens, from TPM), I had to put the book down for a while because I was so overwhelmed in the best kind of way. It truly was so close to capturing what I have wanted all these years that I just wanted to bask in it. Maybe that sounds silly but even simply one chapter filled with handmaidens, is an overwhelming amount of content for us to receive, let alone an ENTIRE book. This little fandom is just so used to excavating for scraps. I reread the beginning of the book again the next day, out of pure enjoyment, before I continued on.



The unbelievable news, the great news... Something I can't believe even is real... Is that Queen's Shadow starts with handmaidens and ends with handmaidens, and there are handmaidens in… NEARLY? Every. Single. Chapter. I really never thought I'd never see the day. I’m stunned. Yes, they are different then I imagine them, but I'm happy to see them, I still like them, just the same. And Padmé, who has also been sorely ignored, unappreciated, and underutilized within general Star Wars media/merchandise, is also finally getting the spotlight she deeply deserves.

❦

Queen's Shadow is woven like an intricate tapestry threading together Padmé's stories throughout the entire prequel trilogy (especially the first two films), and highlights some of my favorite stylistic and thematic choices within them. Similar to the prequels (especially TPM) it reminded me of a period drama, with it's more formal dialogue, richly detailed costumes, ceremonies and politics, and admittedly a more contemplative pace than the swashbuckling fairy tales of the OT (but still engaging in it's own way). Also like the prequels, you get that occasional ominous foreboding, that sense of pieces being moved behind the curtains by shadowy figures, of unclear motivations by supposed "allies," of tragic destinies being spun—but still find yourself swept away by moments of hope and idealism, despite it all.  There is a particularly heartbreaking yet beautiful finale moment of this book with her that was so fitting to George Lucas' vision of Star Wars, it was, as he once said, "like poetry—it rhymes." Anytime something can capture that Lucas approach to storytelling, I am thankful to be reminded of why I loved Star Wars in the first place. (Especially in the Disney era years when I've felt a bit "post break up" about the franchise, to be honest.)

Queen's Shadow is foremost about Padmé's work, shifting and hardening herself into her new role as senator. It does justice to the themes and qualities that originally enchanted and inspired me about her: fulfilling her duty to her people, her compassion for vulnerable communities, and fighting for what's right—through language, through political and inner power, strategy, and unexpected partnerships. And as always, Padmé is luminous. 

There is one cause in particular she is advocating for that is notably poignant in its connections to TPM. I was incredibly pleased it was there, relieved even. It was so important and needed for her character. It enriches the choices she makes in the later films. And it is just one of a number of political themes in the book that are timeless and ever relevant, but wasn't inserted into the story in a heavy-handed way. I love that the main audience for this book (young girls), will get these meaty concepts presented to them through our beloved political heroine and the diversely talented women supporting her.  While we do see the various skills and character moments of Padmé and her handmaidens, I admit (and this is just my first read impressions) they all still did feel somewhat at a distance for me. I personally would've liked to have dug deeper into their personalities. I'm not sure how to properly articulate it, but I just felt a bit left "wanting more"—for more walls to come down, to have gotten further into their inner thoughts... But I think it's partly the challenge of the large number of characters, the book’s YA length, and a personal preference of writing style. Which, in EKJ’s defense, does compliment these particular characters, who have long had these kind of untouchable, unknowable presences, these masks over them (and she does address that). I think as I reread it, my feelings on may improve as I retain all the subtleties better. But if they remain elusive, that gives us room to fill it out with our own head canons, which is something many of us all ~clearly~ enjoy! It is part of their appeal, part of why we first loved them after all. 
It's also important to note the impressive attention to various Star Wars lore that is entwined throughout Queen's Shadow, from remnant gems of "Legends" handmaiden lore (and even RHS in jokes), to architectural details found in Battlefront II, to various appearances by Clone Wars characters... And many more I’m sure I’ve missed. Yet thankfully I can't recall any of it is done in a way that comes off as showy, elitist, or hard to follow (if for example, you're like me and admittedly haven't watched hardly any of the Clone Wars).  Additionally, here and there, there were some scenes or lines that didn't quite hit the mark for me personally, one minor set of changes from "Legends" handmaiden ages irked me a bit (we had so little to cling to ok! lol), frustration at already established lore (such as Panaka and Clovis, which EKJ can’t help), and other things that were simply just creative choices of the author (which of course happens for me with almost every Star Wars spin-off). 



Regarding the last point, that was the only other occurrence where I put the book willingly down, this time because I needed to get some space—to process something I decidedly didn't like. It was about midway through the book regarding a particular minor storyline. I don't want to spoil, but I will say it involved a new character that, for me, was taking up too much room in a book that already had plenty of amazing characters I wanted to spend more time with. I just felt he wasn’t exactly needed, or that others easily could've substituted his place and it would've been more meaningful to the lore.  These critiques are relatively minor however, and most of them are easy to move beyond, especially when I consider the bigger picture, and the majority of scenes, quotable lines, and pivotal interactions in Queen's Shadow that do seamlessly work. Those more than make up for the handful of things I struggled with.

 Ultimately, it is very apparent this novel was noticeably, lovingly, and carefully crafted by a Prequel fan, a Padmé fan, a Handmaiden fan. For this I'm deeply thankful, because it's easy to imagine if it wasn't—How poorly or sloppily Padmé could've been mischaracterized or the possible omission and/or confusion regarding the handmaidens… The latter of which BOTH the revered Dave Filoni and Timothy Zahn are woefully guilty of, (full offense). It hits me sometimes how so much damage could've been done were this in less capable, less attentive hands, with an author that would've cared less. EKJ clearly cared a lot. Minor issues aside, that's really what mattered most to me, at the root of it. So I'm very glad.



The more open minded you go in, the more you will enjoy Queen's Shadow, and (I say this for myself, as much as for anyone else who can relate) we can still make space for and enjoy our old head canons alongside to the new lore, or even mesh them together... I admittedly struggled a few times, but I definitely enjoyed reading it overall, particularly all the scenes on Naboo (and another planet that will go unnamed for now)... 

If you love Padmé, the handmaidens, Naboo culture, prequel politics—this book is a must read. The more time that passes, and as I reflect back, the more I feel that Queen's Shadow is a fitting tribute to Padmé and our handmaidens, let alone the prequel era itself. Queen's Shadow will be comfortably situated on my bookshelf beside our other established classics: Queen Amidala's Journal and Queen's Amulet, and I’m looking forward to revisiting it again when the audiobook comes out (holy heck we're finally gonna hear almost all the handmaiden names pronounced??! Have we been saying them "correct" all these years?? Stay tuned lmao...) I'll probably be posting my spoiler thoughts on Queen's Shadow after the book's release on March 5, 2019. Pre-orders are available online, though I really recommend purchasing it at your local independent book store if you can, and/or requesting your local libraries get a copy! Please share your own pictures/thoughts/reviews on here, twitter, instagram etc. and tag it. We gotta encourage Disney to give us more, because this book definitively ends with an invitation for a sequel or spin off of some sort, and I, a bit desperately, want it!!  The more we can support Queen's Shadow with the language Disney knows best ($$ and exposure) the better chance of future Padmé and handmaiden content, and they deserve it!! All of it—books, comics, Disney+ streaming miniseries, video games—Give them the legacy Rogue Squadron got. It's their time.



Again, thank you so much E.K. Johnston for creating this beautiful book, and going out of your way to provide me a copy. I'll always treasure that moment when I got that surprise package in the mail, a book nearly 20 years in the waiting. I was 12 years old again, that snowy day on my porch.



Can't wait to read everyone's thoughts. MTFBWY. ✨✨✨

Thank you for reading,

@handmaidensofnaboo​

❦

♕ Pre Order Queen's Shadow 

♕ Purchase Queen’s Shadow at your local independent bookstore

♕ Follow author E.K. Johnston: website | twitter | instagram | tumblr

♕ Follow cover artist Tara C. Philips: website | twitter | instagram | tumblr

[btsybrkr]

You’re Hired

I love The Apprentice. I look forward to it every single year. It’s the one reality series that too-smart-for-you TV snobs won’t look down on you for watching, despite the fact that The Apprentice is really just Big Brother in suits. Think about it: larger-than-life contestants, living together in a big house, completing tasks where they will always be destined to fail (because it makes for much better conflict), all while being watched closely by an omnipotent figure, who calls all the shots.

In fact, Alan Sugar is a much scarier man-in-charge than the titular Big Brother. For one thing, he looks the contestants in the eyes when he’s destroying them emotionally - Big Brother hides away in a little recording booth somewhere, where he’s safe from any angry housemates, who’ve snapped after the pointlessness of what they’re doing has finally dawned on them. What a coward. Also, Alan Sugar is really bloody rich. Alan Sugar is so rich that he could probably buy you, and sell you back to yourself at a much higher price, and that’s pretty scary, if you ask me.

But, I digress. The thing that’s so great about The Apprentice is that it’s so low-stakes. Not to the contestants, of course, but to the viewer. See, it’s the only reality show where I never care who stays or who goes, and that’s because the contestants are usually, without exception, cocks - and this year hasn’t been much different.

Obviously, the stand-out recipient of the ‘Jesus Christ, You Really Are Absolutely Awful’ award this year has to be librarian and general irritant Lottie Lion, whose name alone makes her sound like the archetypal spoiled brat character from a Roald Dahl novel. It suits her so well, it’s almost as though her parents just sensed from birth that she was going to turn out that way. Or maybe she came out of the womb riding side-saddle on a horse and waxing lyrical about how much better she is than everyone else. I can’t know for sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

When she wasn’t shooting a piece-to-camera to repeat her mantra “I’m not here to make friends, I’m here to win”, she was busy coming up with increasingly ridiculous reasons why she was the ideal candidate for the top job in each task. She started out strong in Week 1 by announcing she was the best choice for sub-team leader in a tourism task, because “I know that the population of South Africa is 51 million”, and yet, amazingly, still managed to out-BS herself week after week. Perhaps the finest example was Week 9, in which she described having viola lessons when she was four as having been “in the music industry for 15 years”. By that logic, I’ve been in dentistry for 23 years, because I can navigate my own mouth with a toothbrush without taking out six of my teeth in the process.

Oh, and let’s not forget the remark she allegedly made in a contestants’ group chat, in which she told Pakistani candidate Lubna to “shut up, Ghandi”, before allegedly threatening “I’ll fucking knock you out at our press training”. Obviously, this is horrendously racist and absolutely out of order, and with any luck, Lubna might knock her out first, since, as a person born with arms, she has technically been in the boxing industry for 33 years.

On a much lighter note, this series might have introduced us to one of the most genuinely likeable contestants The Apprentice has ever seen in the form of Thomas Skinner, a self-described “full-time geezer”. Obviously, that’s not his day job - geezering does not pay very well, especially in this difficult economic climate. He’s a salesman, and a bloody good one - he’s so ridiculously charismatic that he could sell me the very concept of breathing itself and I’d probably pay over the odds for it.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t very good at much else, and was fired by a reluctant Alan Sugar after losing eight out of the nine tasks he’d been involved in. I got thinking, though… couldn’t Alan Sugar just take him on anyway? Considering the lack of success that previous winners have experienced, he honestly might as well. I’m not sure exactly what he would hire him to do, but if anyone can help Thomas realise his dream of actually making a living as a full-time geezer, then I’m sure it’s him.

Personally, I think he deserves all of the money and maybe a knighthood, purely on the basis he’s the first candidate in a long time that hasn’t once described himself as ‘cutthroat’ or ‘brutal’, or made some ridiculous statement about how money is so important to him that he’d probably murder his entire family for a fiver. You know, like they usually do.

This year’s final saw headhunter Scarlett Allen-Horton and artisan bakery owner Carina Lepore go head-to-head for the opportunity to work alongside The Ultimate Sugar Daddy, with the final task being to create a hypothetical launch for their respective businesses.

Step one was to pick a new brand name. Carina and co. decided on Lepore’s, because - as Thomas put it - “people will go for the bread, but they’ll go for you, too��. It’s a nice enough point, but if she’s opening a chain of bakeries, she won’t always be in there, will she? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been disappointed to go into a Blackpool branch of Gregg’s, only to be told that, once again, I’m unable to speak to King Gregg himself. He’s probably hiding in one of his fancy London stores, the big elitist. Scarlett had slightly more trouble with rebranding her recruitment company, which aims to place more women and minorities into top level engineering positions. Marianne helpfully suggested naming it after “those animals that build their own homes”. Beavers. She means beavers. Beaver Recruitment? Really? Not exactly suited to a top level headhunting agency, but on the bright side, she may have just stumbled on a great new way for men to describe going out on the pull.

Next on the agenda was to come up with a billboard and a TV advert. The billboards were both surprisingly good, at least in comparison to anything else filmed against a cheap green screen in this year’s series (the now infamous soundbite “who took my unicorn, Sparkle Stars??” from Toy Week immediately springs to mind). The TV advert task was a different story for Scarlett, who was surprised to find that her ‘vision’ of Lewis, Lottie and Marianne driving an imagery car in an empty warehouse wasn’t absolute advertising golddust. “It’s cheesier than I imagined”, she said, upon seeing it for the first time. How? I genuinely can’t understand how she came up with that and thought it was ever going to look like anything other than part of a hastily-planned GCSE Drama performance. But then I would say that, because as someone who has seen a TV advert before, I’ve technically been in marketing since 1996. On Carina’s team, their prison-themed advert for her artisan bread (no, I’m not sure how they arrived at this idea, either) was far more impressive - prefect from a 1960s comic book Ryan-Mark even managed to put in a convincing performance as a hungry jailbird, which wasn’t something any of us were expecting to see this year.

After this, and the all important pitches - which I’m not going to go into, since it’s consistently the least entertaining part of the finale, where I imagine most people, including me, take a toilet break - it was time for the final boardroom. In all seriousness, the tension in the final boardroom is mad. I can only imagine it’s like you and another person are staring down the barrel of a madman’s gun, except the madman is Alan Sugar, and you want to be shot because, instead of bullets, it’s money. Actually, it’s not like that at all, is it? But it must be absolute squeaky bum time for the candidates, is what I’m trying to say.

After a few minutes of back and forth, and a couple more minutes of Carina and Scarlett turning on each other at the last second - which I’m absolutely, one hundred-percent, completely sure the producers definitely didn’t encourage in any way - The Sugarman arrived at a conclusion, and crowned Carina the winner, with a statement that I’m sure we can all agree with: “I do like the idea of more bread.” Well, don’t we all?

Anyway, deserving winner found - as well as plenty of memorable moments and ridiculous characters along the way - that’s it for another year. The only thing I’m left wondering is why it’s called The Apprentice, since the prize is a £250,000 investment, and since most real life apprentice jobs pay about £3.90 an hour. But then I wonder that every year, and to be honest, I’m all fired out.

[sweetasssuga]

Taegi Fic Recs

personal favorites = ♡

new additions = ϟ

Little Lion Man by mucha [3k] [teen]

Deep down, Yoongi always knew that making rash decisions would one day send him early to his grave.

(Or; Yoongi confesses to Taehyung via text and immediately regrets it)

in all dishonesty by fruitily [3k] [teen] ♡

while taehyung is trying to figure out whether or not min yoongi wants to stab him with a fountain pen, they find out they make an excellent team when it comes to board games.

feelings you provide by sugarlizard [3k] [teen] 

Feeling a little daring, Taehyung slips the ring on his finger. He’s not expecting it to fit, he knows that part of the victorious appeal of this jewelry is it was designed to fit only Yoongi, but instead it slips over the knuckle of his ring finger like a glove.

*

taehyung borrows one of the SUGA diamond rings when he needs a comfort object

help me out by clumsy_taegi [4.6k] [teen] ϟ

Taehyung talks Yoongi into helping him rehearse for a play.

Of Handlebars and Heartbreak by bananamilks [5.5k] [teen] 

Totally unprepared are you, to face a world of men.

[or, the mutual pining fic in which: one of them is in denial, one is oblivious, and both of them are idiots]

caught in a lie by booksinaballroom [5.6k] [teen] 

Ten years, one acting degree, and a frankly embarrassing amount of student debt later, his plans have...changed, a bit. Turns out waiting for callbacks from Colgate toothpaste commercials and roles as extras in dramas isn’t exactly lucrative. Certainly not lucrative enough to pay off his mountainous student debt.

Which is why he has turned to a spinoff of the acting industry. The underground of the acting industry, if you will. A place to hone his skills while raking in plenty of cash. A high-stakes challenge, something that tests and proves his ability to perform under pressure.

In other words, Taehyung is what might be better known as a con artist.

(soulmate au: you can't lie to your soulmate)

A Different Kind of Magic by tryst [5.8k] [teen] ♡ 

Wherein, Taehyung doesn't really need extra Potions help, but could definitely use a hug and Yoongi is pretty indifferent about being a tutor, but is down to hold hands.

my heart flutters from the sugar high by hoars [5.9k] [mature]

Yoongi and Taehyung sneak around together, cheating on their diets. The group? They’ve drawn different conclusions.

Birds in Your Heart by m_aur_a [6k] [not rated] 

Origami cranes with cute, if kitschy, words of advice are popping up on campus. Yoongi is struggling with a lot right now, but they help. So does the pretty boy that leaves them.

Ring the Hogwarts Bell by mucha [6k] [general audiences] 

“No, it’s fine,” Taehyung interrupted him, circling his fingers around Jimin’s wrist and squeezing reassuringly. “It’s just a few days, I’ll be okay.”

It was the furthest thing from truth, though. Christmas was always his favorite holiday and in his mind, it was irreversibly connected to home and family and watching silly Christmas movies with a mug of hot chocolate in his hand and his puppy, Yeontan, in his lap. He was hoping that maybe at least one of his friends would be staying in school too, but that hope quickly vanished when he checked the list in the common room and saw no familiar names. Well, he saw one familiar name but it belonged to someone Taehyung had never spoken to, so it didn’t matter anyway.

As if he could read Taehyung’s mind, Jimin spoke up again:

“I noticed that Yoongi is staying at Hogwarts too.”

(Taehyung spends his Christmas at Hogwarts and makes a new friend)

human by awsuga [7.7k] [mature]

Taehyung almost kills the most beautiful mortal he has ever seen.

yesterday’s tomorrow by locks [8k] [mature] ♡

Yoongi just wants to get through the night with his pride intact.

Enter Kim Taehyung.

Or, the one where they used to date and meet again at their ten year high school reunion.

but not for me by raviolijouster [8k] [teen] ♡ 

Taehyung’s straightforward, he thinks. A 2 + 2 = 4 kind of guy. He’s just not always sure that his 2’s are other people’s 2’s. Sometimes it seems like they might be 3’s. Or 7’s. But Yoongi’s 2’s are the same 2’s, they’re just in italics, size 8 font, while Taehyung’s are in bold and size 72.

or,

People think Yoongi and Taehyung are dating. Taehyung wishes they were.

ring ding dong by chlexcer [8k] [explicit]

the one where taehyung loses his precious gucci ring the very first time he meets yoongi, but he doesn't lose it just anywhere, oh no— he loses it inside of yoongi.

By Tomorrow by Oh_Hey_Tae [10.6k] [teen]

“Why are you freaking out now?” Seokjin asks, and the seconds tick by and suddenly the atmosphere shifts. “Ahh, I get it.”

Yoongi perks up, swivels, spots Taehyung stepping from the hall into the room and he’s in fitted slacks and the baby blue button-up from earlier and he looks divine.

Yoongi’s heart just stopped and he’s not sure how to get it beating again. Namjoon’s a doctor. A doctor in training, but some form of medical professional regardless. Namjoon knows CPR and cardiac arrest symptoms and all that shit. He’ll know Yoongi’s dying.

“Perfect timing. Let’s eat.”

Or he’s going to wink at Yoongi and send suggestive eyebrow raises the whole night. Great. Fabulous.

(Or: Yoongi loves Taehyung and Taehyung loves Yoongi and somewhere along the way they figure that out.)

neons and watercolors by aimandignite [12.6k] [explicit] 

“Do you stare at the sky in the middle of roads at night often?” he asks.

Yoongi shrugs. “Do you join random people staring at the sky in the middle of roads at night often?” He glances at the guy and his heart slams in his chest at the wide smile he sees.

“I’m Taehyung. Everyone calls me Tae though.”

Yoongi nods slowly, “Yoongi.”

Tae seems to repeat the name to himself, carefully remembering how it feels in his mouth. Yoongi can’t look away. “Yoongi? Do you want to get out of the middle of the road and get hot cocoa?”

812 (rock my world) by aileron [13k] [explicit] ϟ

Jimin sniffs in a way that lets Taehyung know he’s an ungrateful brat. “Look, some people would pay good money to get a free pass that allows them right in front of the stage and hence right under the nose of Min Yoongi.”

“Min who?”

Jimin waves his hand dismissively. “The rock star you couldn’t care less about but whose face you have to stare at through your camera lens tonight.”

Taehyung slings his camera bag on his shoulder and shoves the press pass into his back pocket. “Sure, whatever. Just point me in his direction when we get there.”

- or: the fic where Taehyung thinks Yoongi is an arrogant piece of shit (albeit a hot one), but as Jimin puts it, “Which memory is going to be more awesome to look back to when you’re eighty: the time when you went and fucked a rock star or the time when you didn’t and went home instead?”

Chasing the Sun by almostsophie1 [17.6k] [mature] ϟ

Yoongi calls it a phenomena.

Whatever it is, it brings Taehyung to Yoongi again and again, twining their lives together. If it's a kind of magic, it's not one that Yoongi understands. But it pulls Taehyung to him and him to Taehyung, and somehow that's all that matters.

Out to Lunch by roebling [19k] [teen]

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and Taehyung is not above taking a soul-killing office job solely for the benefits. The drab cubicle he now calls home is bad enough, but his new boss Yoongi is possibly a robot and definitely an asshole. Vision and dental coverage are enticing, but Taehyung’s not sure how long he can stick this out.

Siren of the Interstate by fringecity (indiachick) [23k] [mature] ϟ ♡ 

Yoongi is a traveling salesman circling the same set of weird towns and highways. Taehyung is a gas-station clerk in the middle of nowhere.

"Won’t space be lonely?” Yoongi asks. Taehyung shrugs—Yoongi can feel him move beside him, just a finger-breadth away. “It’s lonely down here too.”

Heart of the Matter by fringecity (indiachick) [33k] [teen] ♡ 

Disaster witch Kim Taehyung meets perfect senior Min Yoongi in the poison greenhouses of witch school. Years later, Taehyung owns a clinic that fixes hearts, Yoongi has a celebrated apothecary, and they (don't) get along.

Harry Potter-ish, but not in that universe.

A Breeze Blows, and My Heart Swells by roebling [36.6k] [teen] ϟ

Former Idol Min Yoongi is struggling to write his next album. He knows he'll never live up to the success of his first solo outing, and the pressure is getting to him. After a series of minor scandals, his manager and best friend Jimin ships him off to Harmony Retreat, an ecotourism resort deep in the Daegu countryside. With electronics strictly forbidden and no company but a rooster, a dog, and his eccentric host Kim Taehyung, Yoongi's not sure how he's going to get through this -- let alone write a hit song.

a spoonful of suga by ellievolia [38.6k] [explicit] ϟ ♡ 

“Good evening, ladies and gents. You’re listening to First, the premium digital station, and this is Spoonful of Suga, hosted by your very own Suga. Relax, let the music do its job. We’ll be taking requests later, but first, please enjoy the next uninterrupted half hour of music.”

Min Yoongi, a late night radio show host, has a regular caller. He also has busybody best friends, too much music on his playlists, dreams that feel too big for his heart, and a genius dog.

Kim Taehyung works nights as a mortuary cosmetologist, likes to listen to the radio, and he also has a genius dog.

Say My Name (And I'll Lie in the Sound) by fadetomorrow [51k] [explicit] ♡ 

Taehyung wakes up 500 years in the past and catches feelings for a Joseon prince.

The Romance of Old Clothes by fringecity (indiachick) [59.6k] [explicit] ♡ 

Min Yoongi is an art director with zero tolerance for bullshit, looking for ultimate perfection in everything he creates. Kim Taehyung is the co-owner of a vintage fashion boutique who talks to clothes and learns magic from Tumblr.

It’s a match made in the depths of hell.

[“Taehyung-ah,” Seokjin says, wily and soft, “You’re not scared of meeting Yoongi, are you?” Taehyung knows this is bait. Seokjin knows this is bait. Even Yeontan, running circles around Taehyung now, knows this is bait. His angry brows are very expressive, and right now they’re saying 'don’t take the bait, don’t be a stupid fish.' Taehyung's a stupid fish.]

[dong-hyucks]

dating rocky. | astro

⇴  admin. cj ⇴  masterlists. ⇴  dating series masterlist. 

oH mY GOD

i love park minhyuk, so imma just jump right iN (don’t mINd iF i DO)

so, you guys have known each other f o r e v e r, like, it’s unreal,,, you guys are Ultimate Best Friends™ a.k.a you’ve been together since birth. the amount of weird faces, sounds, and overall oddities cannot be put numbered on a list.

this boy has always been by your side, whether it was you trying out for some sports team, or when your parents were having a fight, he was there.

when you two were kids you would have the cutest nicknames for one another. “minnie! stop knocking down my sand castles!” “no can do, dumplin’, you look funny when you’re mad!” 

okay, so, dumplin’ came from a sweet time when you two were together.

one night, your parents had decided to go out, and they also decided that they didn’t need babysitters this time ... so whoop-de-doo for you guys.

babysitters highkey sucked

and just like that, the rest of the night commenced. 

you and minhyuk played around in the waiting area, while your parents tried to get you both to settle down (it didn’t work). 

apparently you could knock people over when you played tag in a crowded place???? who knew??

anywho, when your families were seated, you guys bounced up and down, talking about insook and myungjun and how they had kissed on the playground earlier that day. 

on the lips

it was all the rave. 

but, minhyuk, he was being really weird. he kept looking at you with pink shade dusted across his cheeks. luckily the lights were dim, so you didn’t notice. 

he kept losing himself in your eyes.

though he was only eight years old, he felt like he’d been in love with you for centuries. he could stare at you all night ... even when you scarfed down your 수제비 like you hadn’t had food in years ... even then

수제비 is a Korean dish with chicken and potato dumplings, so, as minhyuk watching you eat it rapidly, he thought the nickname dumplin’ was fitting

from then on, that’s what he called you.

you on the other hand, liked to sWitCH things uP

if you were annoyed, you called him minnie, because it angered him even more. he hated that name with a passion, and you knew it

if you were feeling down, you’d call him hyuk or minhyuk. when you called him one of those two (or even both), he would know something was up. 

maybe it was an injury from a activity, a bad grade on a test, or maybe even a fight at home. he was there to comfort you. like always.

most of the time though, you called him rocky 

you guys knew that was coming

you came up with that name when the two of you were playing outside in the snow one winter, and he slipped and fell, chipping his tooth on a rock.

all the way to the emergency dentist he cried. he wailed and sobbed about how this would ruin his look forever, and how he would never grow up to be a famous chef because he “couldn’t taste right with a tooth missing”

and, the whole car drive, you hugged him close. you told him that a chef didn’t need a full set of teeth to taste. just a tongue and a mouth.

eventually, he stopped, and was taken to the back of the office, where his mother was not allowed ... but you were. 

through the procedure, he had one hand hanging down, and you tucked it in between both of yours. although he was on laughing gas, when you saw his brow wrinkle, his free hand would squeeze yours and you would return the favor.

when the doctors and the dentists had fixed his face and his mouth, he was a bit loopy.

“(Name), we have to goooo!” “Go where, Hyuk?” “I have—I have a shooting at twelve” “Are they shooting you for Food Network???”

“yES. finally someone understands.” “i know minhyuk, i’m the greatest.”

“marry me, dumplin’?”

“not yet, rocky. not yet.”

on the way back to his house, he fell asleep. you weren’t exactly sure when, or on what street, but your shoulder suddenly got a lot heavier. you looked over and saw minhyuk’s dark head of hair tilted onto its side

you also felt his drool

protecc this boy

please

through your childhood, you and park minhyuk had been best friends, who promised that they would never leave each other. 

you just wished that those promises weren’t broken ...

in high school, the two of you grew apart. minhyuk was cast in a drama with some of his other, new friends,,,,, and you were just,,,, forgotten ...

minhyuk never picked up your calls, and he never returned you texts,,,, you had become a blip in his huge timeline,,,, a speck of dust on the glass that he was staring through. 

and then, he started to fade. he started to fade from your life, from your vision,,, from your memory. his face started to blur, like watercolors on a canvas. his voice began to crackle and turn into static. 

the last time you heard of his presence was at your art show, where you premiered some of your pieces. they were being auctioned off, and minhyuk’s mother had one of the highest bids. 

she got the painting, but, minhyuk was elsewhere. you searched for him all night. 

you couldn’t find him

it was a sign

soon, he was gone. just like that, a lifelong friend had disappeared. and you were almost sure he wasn’t coming back. you tried to stop thinking about him. you tried really hard. but, there was always that little bit of optimist in you.

she missed his smile every day. she missed “dumplin’”

the optimist missed him.

then again. the real you wasn’t an optimist. you knew he wasn’t coming back, and even if he did, he probably wouldn’t recognize you. you’d sort of,,, let yourself go ...

your twinkling, child-like grin began to slip away, and a mature scowl took its place. minhyuk definitely wouldn’t have known you if you’d of slapped him right smack in the face. he wouldn’t be able to guess that a smile as beautiful as yours could just disappear.

then, you sunk. into a ... shell, as some people would call it. you became somewhat of a hermit. spending nights alone in your room—only coming out for dinner. it was unhealthy, sure, but to you, it was a way to cope. 

you kept to yourself at school, not wanting to be a bother, and mostly stayed in with teachers during lunch and p.e.

it was sad to watch—you even started growing apart from your parents. they tried to get you to open up, but you had thrown yourself in a cage. but, it was your own doing, and you didn’t want it to be unlocked.

this only made clear that there are many stages of grief.

but, little by little, you became your old self again. the process was long, but one morning, you woke up at three o’clock for an unknown reason. and, knowing that you weren’t going to get any more sleep, you went into the bathroom to shower and get dressed.

you looked out the window and sitting right on the tree branch outside was a plump robin building its nest. it paid you no mind, but the more diligent work it put into the construction, the bigger the grin grew on your face.

and that’s when it hit you

—you smiled. 

rushing over to the mirror, you stared at your reflection with an excited beam on your face. your recovery started with a smile. it all started with a smile.

after your shower, you raced down the stairs and turned on the “hot debut” stage you recorded last night. you figured some music would help you start your day off right.

a well proportioned face appeared on the tv screen and you looked to the right corner to see who the group was.

“astro?” you murmured, “cute.” you continued watching, but one boy really stood out to you. he looked extremely familiar. a childhood friend, or something like that. when he began to rap, you looked to the bottom left corner, to see what his name was.

it came flooding back so fast that your head began to pound. could it be, that you knew an idol?

“rocky—park minhyuk,” you whispered, “that’s right. he was the one who left. after all these years—he remembered.” 

the when their first album came out, you bought it without hesitation. your only wish was to secure a spot and be able to get into a fansign. you needed to see him.

and, a few weeks later, there you were. waiting in line to be one of the first people to meet astro. saying you were ecstatic would be an extreme understatement. 

with a great big grin on your face, you stepped up to meet sanha. he flashed you a bright beam and took your hands in his. the two of you talked about music and dance and how much you both enjoyed being there.

what a cutie

you moseyed along, talking with mj next, eunwoo second, then moonbin and jinjin, then finally—you stopped in front of rocky. you tried your best to keep from letting your tears fall.

“i’m surprised,” you laughed, sniffling a bit, “i thought you wanted to be a chef?” he looked to you and his eyes widened. “but, you always have been a good dancer, rocky.”

“[Y/N],” he breathed, voice wavering, “wow. i’ve missed you so much.” you nodded, not trusting your mouth to speak the right words. instead, you squeezed his hand tightly. he bit his lip to keep from crying, and you did the same. 

even though the salty rivulets would come eventually

“well, we don’t have enough time now, but later—would you like to, oh i don’t know, maybe get an ice cream with me?” his hesitant question blew you away, but you agreed nevertheless.

and, your recovery furthered. just like that robin, you were building a relationship again. this time, though, it would be stronger.

this time, it would last.

you were sure.

and, little did you know, you were right. woo woo !!

after a few months of sporadic (but frequent) “dates,” the two of you finally started dating. it was like a dream come true, and that beautiful smile of yours was seemingly infinite whenever minhyuk was around.

your favorite place to go with him was the ice cream parlor near your school. it was peaceful, and it served really good craft sodas. cherry, orange, lemon, lime, blue raspberry, and grape.

you also liked going to the movies with him and the other boys. minhyuk always wanted to go see action movies, but every once in awhile, he would give in and see a horror movie with you.

he made you promise that you would protect him after. minnie is precious i love him so much but he would never admit it in front of the boys.

minhyuk didn’t really get jealous, but when you were chatting it up with moonbin or sanha was teaching you a new dance move, he did get a bit riled up.

“minnie,” you giggled, teasing him, “you’ll always be my bias. i promise.” his bottom lip got a little smaller, and he snaked an arm around you. “i know, [Y/N]. i just wanted to hear you say it.”

sometimes he’s a cheeky little shit

but loving him is a given.

with cuddling, minhyuk is shy. he’s quiet and doesn’t really do a lot of pda. but, when you guys are hanging around the dorms alone, he’s all over you.

his favorite way to hug you is from behind.

he really likes resting his chin on your shoulder. (and let’s be honest here, so do you.)

but his all time favorite thing to do is sit with you on the couch. his head’s in your lap, and your fingers are carding through his naturally tousled hair. and, a laugh bubbles from your lips as the two of you watch a cheesy rom-com.

some people might call it wasted time, but minhyuk calls it time well spent. then again, he calls any time spent with you well spent. someone please call a funeral service bc i am deceased (and jade you sent me that video and i will never forgive you. MINHYUK IS A PRECIOUS BABY,,, but i digress)

when the two of you fight, it’s normally harmless. but, you do get really worried when he’s in danger of overworking himself.

if there’s a new comeback, you make sure he gets to the dorm and goes to sleep, even if that means going back with him. sometimes, he gets annoyed with the hovering.

“you’re not my mother! stop babying me, [Y/N]!!” his exclamations make you halt, and you purse your lips while scowling. “park minhyuk,” you utter, your voice steely and cold, “i’m not trying to be your mother. i’m trying to make sure you’re well and healthy,”

you continue, “arohas will love you no matter what. but, they won’t love it if you overwork yourself and end up getting hurt. so, if you can’t think of me as a reason to respect your well-being, then think of your fans—think of yourself.” 

this is where the tears fall. still keeping your head high, you begin to feel the liquid pooling and pricking at the back of your eyes.

he turns his gaze to the floor, and walks over to you. “i’m sorry,” he mutters. you shake your head, and pull him into you. 

the hug is pure and chock full of tenderness. though you would much rather see him resting in his bed—him resting in your arms is just as good. you smile into his shoulder.

he backs away, and cups your cheeks in his calloused hands. he leans into you and presses a delicate kiss on your lips.

and, when the two of you break apart, you gaze into his eyes. and, that’s when you see it. the days, the months, the years that the both of you had known each other. it amazed you—you didn’t know that an entire timeline could be visible in one person’s eyes.

you convinced him to go back to the dorms, but he convinced you to stay the night. you guys talked the night away, and eventually the two of you fell asleep.

your head was settled on his chest, while the steady beat of his heart guided you to a peaceful slumber. minhyuk stayed awake for a little while, admiring your slackened features, and soaking in all the quiet minutes that would one day be forever.

you and minhyuk loved each other, it was as simple as that. neither of you felt burdened, because love wasn’t work. it wasn’t a job that had requirements and tasks. it was a pure feeling—one that couldn’t be replaced by anything else. 

minhyuk wished he could gift you the entire galaxy, but for now, all he could give you was his love

—not that you were complaining ... 

[tomoyanosekai]

鎖を破れ！燃やせる情熱の心～Creation from Destruction～ (Kusari wo Yabure! Moyaseru Jounetsu no Kokoro: Break the Chain! A Burning Heart of Passion)

As I sit by my desk at home, the window’s open and I feel a gentle breeze passing through. “It’s peaceful.” That’s the only thing I can think of at this moment, while I sit there taking in the spring wind, and trying to allow myself to relax. Everything’s over, but even if everything is over, why can’t I just sit here and try to enjoy the breeze and this current state of peace? As the wind continues to blow on through, I find myself reminiscing on words from two years ago.

“Chad, we see you as a moodmaker. Every time we saw you walk in, you would lift the mood up in the room. You’re a passionate guy who wouldn’t hold back in showing his passions.”

It was about two years ago when I remember hearing those words, as I accepted my role as a Hope Rising officer and accepted the qualities that the past officers saw in me, even though I wasn’t sure why they saw that in me. As April came and went, a lot has happened already within this semester as it comes to an end. Although this semester wasn’t too bad, I can easily say that this whole semester destroyed me. Have I made mistakes? I made a whole bunch. Did I stretch myself too far? Probably. However, even if I was destroyed, I can still come back from it. As Beerus from Dragon Ball Super has said,

“Before creation, there must be destruction.”

And just like that, throughout the past semester,  I witnessed my own destruction.

To begin somewhere, this semester has been slightly decent in terms of classes. However, outside of class, and into my personal life… Well, I’ve been destroying myself. How exactly have I destroyed myself? Simply put, I’ve kept fighting, and through every struggle and trial, although I’ve somehow overcome everything, all of this came at a price. I lost sight of myself, and as a result, I lost sight of the world around me and exhausted myself. I’ve been putting a lot of strain and stress on myself, to the point of where the pressure basically crushed me, and my passions have burned too brightly, to the point of where it burned itself out. A lot of this could be my neglect for my own mental health, since I’ve gotten to a point of where almost literally everything and everyone around me has irritated me. However, it’s ultimately been my fault for neglecting my own self care, since my life has either consisted of either Hope Rising (expect a lot of mention of them in this post) or a focus on grades. Considering Hope Rising, this makes more sense since the club has been doing meetings on a weekly basis, and the officers and I hang out a lot outside of club. Due to the club meeting schedule or classes, I personally feel that there has been no time for easy breathing in my life, or connecting with others outside of that for any other communities. Added on with more drama that came through various parts of life from every month, such as me getting angry with friends in January, coping with my actions in February, welcoming a new addition to the family and hearing about how he got hospitalized (but is now fully recovered, thank God) in March, and last but not least, being put in the middle of a bunch of circumstances that I never asked for, but in the end couldn’t leave alone in April. Added on with the pressure of class and helping with club activities and just life, everything here alone is enough to crush a person. And very honestly? It broke me very thoroughly.

As of recently, one of the biggest hype trains in pop culture right now was the recent release of the movie, The Avengers: Infinity War. In preparation for that, I decided to watch through clips of all the Marvel movies I hadn’t seen yet. One of those movies was Thor Ragnarok. Throughout that movie, the main character Thor loses his trademark hammer, the Mjolnir, as it was broken when fighting against the antagonist of the movie, Hela, the God of Death. Although it was a fun movie, one of the subplots was the fact that Thor had to come to terms about losing the Mjolnir, and find his true strength and identity beyond what he found was his own self defining trait. There was one scene that I really liked, which was a scene where Thor was having a mental conversation when being cornered by Hela. The person he was speaking to in this conversation was his father, Odin.

Thor: “She’s (Hela) too strong. Without my hammer, I can’t-”

Odin: “Are you Thor, the God of Hammers? That hammer was to help you control your power, to focus it. It was never your source of strength.”

...

Thor: “I’m not as strong as you.”

Odin: “No... You’re stronger.”

Yes, this semester may have destroyed me. However, in destroying myself, through both the pressures holding me down and my passions, I can only get rebuilt even stronger than before, just like how I was rebuilt in January. However, the difference between then and now is that I feel that I’m breaking free from the labeled chains that were weighing me down. Many of my friends have said that I need to “get rid of that heroic main character mindset altogether,” when reading through last month’s entry.  Ultimately, they’re right. That may have been a thing in the past, but in the end, that was never the source of my true identity, and I need to break free from that chain, whether or not I had self confidence come from there. I needed to be more honest with myself. I’m not “Chad, the main character of this story.” Within these past few weeks, I’ve been feeling the chains of that Main Character mindset break behind me, along with many other chains while I’ve been destroying myself. The remains of what used to be me is going to be molded into something even stronger, into a “more genuine me.” The one question I proposed to myself was this: “Was the heroic mindset the only thing that allowed me to keep doing good for others?” No, that heroic character was not the thing that allowed you to be a good person. At some point in time, it’s time to drop the hero pretenses, and just be me.

On one end, although that heroic persona was a heavy chain that weighed me down, it also tried to become a cover for my true self, but ultimately became a cover that tried to dim a light, illuminated by a flame within my heart. That flame is a passion and love for other people that burns intensely within me, and is burning through and beyond my past self. On the flip side, just as fire can mean destruction, it also can mean creation and life. Even though that passion within me is burning away that previous, “heroic” construct of me, it is allowing me to recreate myself into becoming a vessel that can contain my passion and heart for others even more, and show my true self. People around me have said that I have an extremely big heart that I wear on my sleeve, and honestly, they’re not wrong. The words of various friends around me have, and are continuing to help me find my true self.

“You’re a good man. Never forget that. You’ve got a big heart for others who will run to their aid at the drop of a pin, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of that.”

“You rolled with the punches when things got hard. You would always continue to smile, and dive in without any hesitations.”

“...You would always check in on us and see if we needed prayer, and always worry about us.”

“You usually were the one to pick us up, and reminded us to take life easy.”

“You would always help and listen to me whenever I had any problems.”

“You kept on thinking of the attendees and everyone else and kept the original vision of Hope Rising in mind when we didn’t.”  

In all honesty, I usually find it hard to shed tears out of sheer sadness, anger, or frustration. However, it’s through these collective and precious words given to me by the friends around me, whom I felt annoyed with at some point, did I truly begin to tear up after trying so hard to continually fight against these thoughts until the end and deny my self value to others. These words will continue to ring loudly and resound within my heart. I will never stop helping others if I see them need help. The genuine self I’m looking for is a person whose kindness is rooted from a passion and love for others. It’s easy to know when God is trying to tell you something, whether it be through your friends, or through an encounter.

When you pray for anything, whether it be clarity or a sign, God will answer. There was one  week where I had been doubting my own passions for Japan, as well as my overall role in Hope Rising. However, God works in wondrous ways, which is something I can’t even comprehend, since I felt he spoke to me directly through a small encounter. There was one day where I didn’t have class on a Wednesday afternoon, and I decided to go get lunch that day, which was something I usually never did. When I went out and got lunch, I found that there were young Japanese Students touring Biola, and I went out and approached them. The first person I approached was the Japanese Teacher/Chaperone, where I simply asked where they came from in English, since they had such a large group, and I didn’t want to make any assumptions in the event I was wrong. Because I approached their group, an American tour guide came up to me and told me that they were from Japan, and from there, I began to speak Japanese. Everyone from that group seemed surprised, and the American Tour Guide asked me if I knew about the Japanese Club on Biola’s campus, where I was happy to say that “I’m one of their leaders.” From there, that opened the doors to an opportunity that allowed me to have small conversations with the students, as well as the teachers. Although this was a seemingly small encounter, it was through this small encounter where I found my reason for why I have a passion for Japan, and why I’m a leader in Hope Rising. My heart bleeds for the youth of Japan, who don’t know their future, despite the pressures that come with it. Through telling them that I was a leader in Hope Rising, given my background, I could show them that there are Japanese people who are Christian. Simply “I am blessed to be a blessing,” and I want to be a blessing for the youth of Japan who are worried about their future, and show them that the future isn’t dependent on pressure from society.

Ever since the Hope Rising Retreat happened, I saw many of my friends come into their full potential. Although I was able to see them come to what I can currently see as their “fullest potential,” I know that as I am now, I’m close to reaching it as well. Something one of my friends told me during the Hope Rising Retreat that I should’ve been proud of was the fact that I turned the a campground full of people who had different cultural backgrounds, into a place that brought everyone together and had an enjoyable time. Although this semester marks the end of my Junior Year, it also marks the beginning of my journey towards truly re-finding and re-defining who I am. I am no main character or hero; that chain is broken. I am not defined by Hope Rising; that club is not who I am. I am defined by the heart God has given me, and will strive to continue to walk towards the person God intends me to become with a heart burning full of passion. I’m simply at the cusp of coming into my fullest, deepest, untapped potential. Although a lot of my friends from Hope Rising will be in Japan this summer, I won’t be there. Although it frustrates me and makes me jealous on many degrees, it’s simply not my time yet, and I need time to grow as a man. As it’s written in Ecclesiastes 3:1,

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”

This is not my time to be out in Japan, even though my friends will be there. However, since they’re there, this is my time to focus and try to come into that full potential I’m at the cusp of reaching.

Four months, here we go. Time to become stronger than before. To those friends who gave me those words of affirmations, thank you. I’ll see you all soon.

“From here on out, it’s my stage!!”

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

avengers: infinity war

um. SPOILERS.

so i finally watched spiderman: infinity war avengers: infinity war yesterday with the inimitably awesome aakanksha ( @franklyineedcoffee). it was great! very cgi and very Epic.

like. mcu movies were never terribly remarkable to me, but then they got Spiderman involved (and made him great!) and the ensuing trifecta of extremely enjoyable films (homecoming, ragnarok and black panther) finally made a fangirl out of me. which basically primed me perfectly to enjoy the shit out of infinity war. 

a few thoughts! a second reminder for SPOILERS because i discuss about basically everything.

1. the film did a great job juggling so many characters and so many plot threads? of course some parts were under-served (the whole wakanda stretch was a bit meh to me), but at no point was i just waiting for the film to get back to the Interesting Bit. almost all of it was equally engaging.

2. i’d heard a lot about thanos going into this film but what i wasn’t expecting was to be reminded of two villains that the mcu had done really, really well recently: adrian toomes/the vulture from homecoming, and erik killmonger from black panther. thanos isn’t nearly as compelling as either of them and certainly doesn’t deserve a fraction of the sympathy we can reasonably afford to either toomes/killmonger, but the kind of sad, single-minded conviction that he used to justify murdering trillions of people? yeah, that was all-too-familiar. far from the cackling, evil villain trope, both toomes and killmonger were shaped and scarred by unforgiving circumstances; you didn’t approve of the stuff they did but their pathos was palpable. thanos plays this part of the villain arc very well--he doesn’t visibly delight in death and destruction, but does it because he is burdened with it. and isn’t that how it usually goes in the real world? the worst people in the world never believe in their own evil--just their own status as a Special Person Who Knows Something Better Than Everyone Else. a special destiny, a special responsibility with all that power. sometimes the line between superhero and villain is so, so thin.

2.5. because looking at it objectively, his motivation was some malthusian bullshit, yeah? and in a way recalls some of the most harrowing repercussions of bullshit science from the early twentieth century. so if i read one more thinkpiece about ‘errrrr guys maybe thanos had a point’ i’m going to lose it. both the writing and performance for thanos was fantastic--he practically dripped with gravitas, even under all the layers of cgi and chaotic fight scenes--but let’s not confuse that with actual sense/decency, yeah?

3. the groupings were great--so great that i could’ve readily watched an entire film based on any one of them. my favourite had to be thor with rocket/groot. i would’ve never guessed it, but it turned out to be the most poignant dynamic of them all. that little conversation that rocket had with thor was a little oasis in the middle of a terribly chaotic movie and neatly tied in and mirrored the incredible character development both the characters had undergone in their last movies--GotG vol 2 and ragnarok. this scene for me was an example of the ultimate reward of getting a film like infinity war--a moment of truly resonant emotional connection between two wildly differing characters and genres.

3.5. and, btw, the genres! can we talk about that a bit? it was a really cool mix of generic superhero stuff with sci-fi, a touch of horror, magic, swords-and-sorcery, opposites-meet comedy, a bit of romance, and just good old-fashioned family drama. 

3.75. and speaking of drama, the whole arc with gamora was gutting and inspired more tears from me than the much-talked-about snap. the sheer range of emotions she went through right before and after she realised that thanos was going to kill her and why! zoe saldana is fucking amazing.

4. aagh i just wished we had more time but all of the groups played really well off each other: i enjoyed iron man and company in particular because duh, spiderman, and watching three gigantic egos clash in the form of tony stark, dr strange, and peter quill was entertaining as all hell. and i know tumblr fandom in particular likes to give tony a hard time but i was impressed not just by his quick thinking, his surely-impossible technology, and his raw physical strength, but also his ability to lead, well, any team. he had spiderman covered (summoning the iron spider suit! appointing him an avenger! collaborative flying of an alien spaceship!), had dr strange figured out pretty quickly, and tried his best to steady peter quill. 

4.5. the group on wakanda wasn’t nearly as compelling, but much of their screen time was filled with fighting cannon fodder and that’s literally the least interesting part of any mcu movie, so. i guess i was also annoyed by rhodey basically throwing away the principled position he took in civil war--the narrative had to essentially make the regulatory body a one-dimensional super-villain. and, like. whatever. the avengers have to reform, etc. but it still stinks. i kind of dozed through the parts of civil war that didn’t involve spiderman but some of the issues that it raised were compelling. but then those issues were just used as an excuse to get a slugfest between iron man and captain america and now somehow an agreement signed by 150+ countries is all about oh no! will steve and tony ever make up?? like, fuck that shit. 

4.85. i didn’t expect to be as moved as i was by vision and wanda, though. unlike the nat/bruce thing that also kind of came out of the blue in ultron, these two were weirdly compelling. (although wanda’s missing accent is bothering me.)

5. there was so much cgi in this movie! some of it was truly breathtaking but more often than not it felt suffocating. i feel like tony stark and co. were especially ill-served: the deep blues of the doughnut spaceship and the flashy, dusty oranges on titan just made it more difficult to see the characters and, idk. i’m not a fan of the effect. 

5.5. everything involving thor was great, tho. couldn’t possibly match the climactic bridge scene in ragnarok in terms of pure Epicness but came close several times. 

6. mmm, what else? i really liked that this film undercut a lot of the truly dramatic scenes with humour--it just lent a dreadful sense of finality to the scenes that left us with death rather than a punchline.

6.5. another note: i realise that thor continually calling rocket and groot ‘rabbit and tree’ was supposed to be funny, but why would he do that? the ‘captain’ has a name. and he speaks groot’s language! why would he call him something as reductive as ‘tree’? (unless groot’s actual name is tree) it’s just a little niggling thing but it’s starting to bother me a lot now.

6.55. but i do find it a little endearing that prideful, extremely sensitive rocket never once bothered to correct thor.

7. ultimately the Epicness that made this movie possible is also one of the things that repeatedly threatens to bring it down. i just don’t want this film to fall down the rabbit hole that SPN finds itself in--expand its scope exponentially and find itself unable to remotely do it the justice that it deserves. what do you do with a character who could kill half the universe with a snap of his fingers? what do you do with characters who, in their individual movies, have expressed powers and resources that are seriously large-scale?

we see the film sputter in this respect a couple of times: i never understood why thanos didn’t just use the reality stone to, say, turn tony’s tech into cheesecake or something. out of respect at the man’s sheer tenacity? idk. and loki going out by trying to stab thanos was weird to me. was he deliberately sacrificing himself? is there something else going on? doesn’t he have much better weapons in his arsenal? at least he was aiming for the head

and the consequences of the final snap where more than half of the heroes disintegrated in front of their friends’ eyes should’ve felt more devastating, but the neatness of the old avengers being spared so that they could save (avenge if you will) their next generation in a final hurrah in the next movie seemed way too obvious. that’s not to say it wasn’t impactful. watching peter parker disintegrate in tony’s arms, fighting till the very last minute to stay he was so scared oh god he just wanted to stay and for mr stark to make it all right was gutting, no matter how much i’d prepared myself for it. i may have whimpered. 

8. i’m sure i have a lot more to say but it’s getting late and i’m tired, so. another post in the near future maybe.

but before i go, how could i not talk about spiderman?? i screamed my throat raw at the first sight of peter parker, and although he doesn’t actually get all that much screen time he made every second count. the awe-inspiring appearance of the iron spider. “have you ever seen that old movie, aliens?” the sheer range of emotions that passed his face when tony stark officially made him an avenger. flying spaceships along with tony. fun with magic portals! almost getting the gauntlet off because he is Just That Strong. saving mantis and drax. and clinging to life till the very last second even as the edges of his body were starting to wisp away. this boy. god. how mcu hit the perfect formula to represent my all-time favourite superhero on screen is a mystery, but i’m so so glad it happened. 

[cjolive]

3/17/2019

Before I even started I took a deep breath. I sometimes think back on my old tumblr days. Once upon a time, I was stressed every day with one problem or another. Shit, it’s been a long time. To quote the new Spider-verse movie. “Let’s do this one more time.” 

When I was a young ambitious kid I had a lot of talent. I was a sports boy. Soccer. Basketball. Softball. Baseball. Frisbee Golf. Ultimate Frisbee. Tennis. Track. Biking. The list could go on, but I honestly don’t have the thought process right now to do so. I was active, that’s the point. I was around town a lot, playing with my school team and with the town’s team during summer. I had a lot of connections and met a lot of strange people. It was odd because I was raised Lutheran, and I was in a Christian town. Yet, I met all of these people that were not religious and that really opened my eyes. I saw a lot of things I wasn't supposed to like or do.  I met people I shouldn’t have. I went to places I shouldn’t have. It rounded me out before Highschool. Queue Asthma and a disease affecting my knees. Sports were now out of my life. Luckily! The internet and video games were on the rise, and I was hooked. 

So It’s the summer before my Freshman year. For two years now I’ve been playing World of Warcraft with one of my newfound friends Anthony. My first internet only friend. You know the guy my mom thought was a murderer or rapist for the first few months. We’re talking about Highschool, and we’re nervous about what will unfold, but also excited. Anthony lived in Cali, so we wouldn’t meet until after Highschool. Although, my grade school friend Nick is going to the same school as me. It’s away from my hometown, we’ll both be meeting new faces. He tells me his sister thinks all grade school relationships die in Highschool. It did for a time, but now we’re still friends. I’m proud of that, and I’m proud of the man Nick has become. 

Eventually, we get to Highschool and I meet one kid that turns my life upside down. His name is Wade. Total jock, classic meathead... You know at first sight anyway. I was lucky he sat with me and Nick at the lunch table on the first day. It turns out me and him would get along so well he’d still be my best RL friend to date. We connected on a level that was strange for me. I was a bit nerdy and different so I thought our types just wouldn’t clash. That’s when I learned not everyone hates you for liking video games. Believe me, that’s common knowledge now, but years ago people would make fun of you for playing games. They weren’t as accepted as they are now, especially in small Lutheran communities who at first disliked a lot of gaming tropes. The blood, violence, and gore. That and the idea they waste too much time. Regardless we clicked and it did wonders for me. I showed him a world of nerdy shit he fell in love with, and he showed me how to stand proud of what I liked and who I was. I’m sure if you ask him he’ll probably see it another way, but this isn’t about us so much so we’re skimming. 

High school was a trip. Besides the few good people I came across and the experiences I had, the others were not so good. I had bullies. I had enemies. I got in trouble. I made mistakes. I was a depressed and broken kid with a depressed and broken family. We’ve grown from that. We’re better now. I fell in love. Then I tried to love two others. Eventually years later, after High school, another. I have a lot of love to give, but I don’t think it’s meant for someone else just yet. I’m still learning to love myself, and you know what, It’s working. Every day I can see myself growing wiser, stronger, better, nicer. Some days I tear myself down, but that’s natural. We overcome those downs and learn to encourage the highs. 

Now that I’m out of High school and avoiding all the old devious habits of mine I’ve become what I like to call a better person. I didn’t mention any of it here, but I’ve partaken in a lot of actions I wouldn’t call Christian. I still consider myself one, and for that reason, I felt a lot of guilt. Still, I’m not the type of Religious man to judge harshly, quickly, or unfairly. I don’t think some Lutherans would call me a Lutheran, but because of a Pastor I had in high school I’ve learned to see us differently. We are human, we’re not all the same. My brother is gay, and that is one of the first lessons I had to learn when I realized. Our family had to realize our close-mindedness wasn’t something from religion. Our original church demonstrated acts I wouldn’t call Christian. My views on religion are tilted, but they still remain a solid pillar for me. Anyways... I’m trailing. 

Those old school days. Once prized but quickly forgotten. I hardly think of those four years now, but certain people and memories come to mind at random. From weird strings of thoughts to unlucky dreams at night. You’ll see someone you’ve moved on from and it brings you right back. Dreams. Vivid dreams. My mind can fabricate fairy tales and visions through the simple act of sleep. I’ve tried to be open, and I still do. Ask me anything I will do my best to answer. No more secrets. No more lies. I think of my past and cringe. I could have done better. To those I recall but do not name here I am sorry and thankful. We’ve had experiences and emotions; connections I wouldn’t have obtained anywhere else. I still have drama take place in my life from time to time again. A few months ago I questioned my place within my friend group. I felt myself slipping, but I’m stronger now. I’ve been growing as a person with every day that passes. I lost friends and gained others. There are still people I wish to reconnect with even if just to apologize or to obtain closure. Until I gain the courage to do that I’ll continue to think about my actions and if that would benefit me or not. I must also consider if that would benefit them or not. For now, I’ll stand back and simply think. 

I have come to a new Era in my life. I am the best version of myself that has ever existed thus far. I know who I am. I know what I want to do. I know who my friends are. I know my position in life and love my family. Things are better now and now I can finally work towards my future. I’m streaming. Eventually, I will build a community with my own two hands. We will entertain and live life the way we want to. A company made by friends for friends. To reach towards everyone with an open hand and let them know there are still good people sitting around waiting to meet you. We’ll entertain you, that is the idea, but we also want to connect with you. As I walk this path I will not simply meet coworkers and viewers. I will meet future partners and friends. We can work together to create a place where we can all be ourselves. I know to someone who doesn’t exactly understand what I’m talking about that may sound strange, but I’m proud of that fact. I don’t want to dive into my excitement for my future plans with streaming and company building or I won’t finish this recap of my life. 

The point is I’ve gone through a lot and that’s what made me what I am now. As the person, I am now, I will move forward with wide eyes and a clear vision. I’ll take help and give help to my friends along the way. Still, I am nervous, just like those High School days. Unknown events await me and I’m not sure I’m ready. I wish to love again, but I’m scared I won’t have time for love and a career in my field. I want to become an even better person, but it’s hard to mark my progress. I want to know If I have a bright future ahead, but I’m nervous I won’t live that long. As of tonight, I am a simple boy with a mind finally ready to explore the depth of his ability. Yet tonight I am also sick. I’ve neglected my health for some time and now it may be coming back to get me. I’ve had an illness the last week and I’m not sure how serious it is. Due to its location and symptoms, it could be very dangerous or nothing at all. What is sure is that it’s hard to tell. Normally I wouldn’t be worried, it’s just...

Now that the stars seem to have lined up in my favor I’m scared I won’t become all that I can be.

Life can turn the tables on you at any minute. 

To the people, I’ve come to know. I love you all.

To the enemies, I’ve made in the past. I’ve forgiven you, and I’m sorry I’ve done some things I’m not proud of. 

To my family, I wish for a future where I can repay you for the things you’ve done for me. 

To my friends, stay who you are and continue down the path YOU’VE made. I’ve enjoyed all the time we’ve spent together and appreciated all the conversations we’ve shared. We never know when we’re going to die, and with this at least I don’t have to worry about it as much. 

I use to come here when depressed, but I’ve grown from that. Writing my mind is important to me. To give those who wish to see, a glimpse of what is in me. An opportunity for words to be shared that would otherwise go unsaid. A way for me to be all that I can be.

I wish to grow alongside all of you. I want to see exactly how great we can all become. We are all living our own story. Make every chapter count. 

[decoding1432]

“It’s patriarchy”

I’ll be making lots of comparisons throughout the post in order to illustrate better my point. Lauren said it: “It’s rampant sexism”. On the media, on the GP’s perception, on the production process, on the industry in general.

Let’s start with some basics....

BB released an article back in early 2015 where it was described Why Can't Modern Girl Groups Land a Radio Hit? These modern GG more like 5H & LM. In this written piece there are several statements that undoubtedly caught my attention. Starting with the last paragraph:

When I asked Biddle why he thinks One Direction enjoy more stateside success than girl groups, he echoed Wiegenstein's sentiment. "I don't know 100 percent. I guess it's because those boys are 'cute'? It could be as simple as that."

How sad it is that we exist in the midst of 21st century & still there are people that prefer “pretty faces & looks” over talent– btw this comment is not triggered to 1D in the slightest, I have nothing but respect for them– I just mean this in a very generalised form.

It’s not secret that a girlband has to work 10x harder to get a quarter of the recognition a boyband gets.

Similarly, a girl group isn't as easy to promote as a boy band. "In terms of teen magazines, the idea of marketing different members of boy bands is easier," says Anna Louise Wiegenstein, a former pop culture instructor (and Little Mix fan), who's giving a talk on One Direction fan culture at the National Pop Culture Association/American Culture Association Conference in April. "There's the 'funny one,' the 'mysterious one' -- it's easy to make quizzes and profile pieces around them."

When marketing a girl group to teenage girls, Wiegenstein continues, it's harder to tap into those teenage hormones. "When you're talking about a group of girls, they target the brands around personalities," she says. "It's more like, 'Which one would be your friend?' And there's less of a fantasy aspect to that."

Leaving aside the marketing strategy (which is true, bc how many times we have seen someone in the fandom say “I’m more like Lauren” or “Dinah & I would get along” etc.), I want to focus in the use of “teenage hormones”. Hormonal is always associated to the female self. Which leads me to jump into the media field:

Here a contrast on how media reported 5H x Camila vs. 1D x Zayn

Informing about the “We don’t talk to our ex-bandmates anymore” moment.

In contrast to Camila’s report, Zayn’s one has got this “scattering element”, if I can call it like that. The “chunky girls” & “Gigi Hadid” features helped to divert the viewer’s attention from the main point. Just look at the comments section from the two videos & the difference is pretty self explanatory….

Sadly the more problematic the situation evolves around the girls, the better. For boys, the situation is showcased in a much lighter form even if the conflict is tighter over there.

We know that in both cases narratives are recycled. However on this side the girls haven’t threw shade thus far, unfortunately media portraits the whole in an almost unforgivable way. For the record there was not really much to report. It’s only about the time Lauren posted the “fake that confidence bih” tweet, only to later explain it was to herself.  Still that was not going to stop them from pulling a video to attract a handful of viewers. The segment starts by quoting the title, which by the way ensures grabbing the spectator’s attention: “Did Lauren Jauregui diss Camila Cabello AGAIN After Grammy After-Party?”

*in my most sarcastic tone* You guys, apparently L shaded C more than once & we didn’t know… I grew three grey hairs with that headline itself.  Right after including Lauren’s tweet to the assumed shade, the only thing they added on the coverage script was a simple “preach girl” 😒😒

Whereas in the 1D side Zayn did throw shade (several times), a public fight on Twitter unleashed & the reporter’s remarks sound nothing like in the 5H coverage. The feud is a lot less magnified. “Ugh! Put the weapons down boys!”. Hell, Clever made sure to shut down the rumours that Zayn had unfollowed the entire band. Note how they even show what happen to be “receipts” while the host says “I’ve put some of my best creeping skills to the test & found out he has not yet unfollowed them so there’s that bit of kinda sorta good news for you & in hope that this won’t ruin their friendship for good.” We can also add how in a poor attempt of diminishing the climax they brought the dolls into the scene. Seriously, I’d love to see them doing something like this when addressing the girls’ drama *sighs* only in my wildest dreams.

Why does media scandalises more the girlgroup’s party than the boyband’s one?

I’ve said this before, but I don’t mind repeating it. Hollywood has used the stigma that “women can’t get along while working” for so long. Plus the infamous stereotypes of our incredible rational society that a girl is constantly hormonal, temperamental & always has to be involved in any sort of catfight with someone from the same gender. There has to be a “bitch” in the story without exception. Inside the entertainment industry, they love taking advantage of this cliché. Not said by me, but coming directly from a very renowned actress…

Jessica Chastain talks sexism in the industry

If the video loads for you, I highly recommend that you watch it. It’s such a short article, nevertheless I’ll be attaching some extracts below:

There was a great myth that I grew up with that women don’t work well together,” Jessica Chastain tells Vanity Fair.

Back when she was promoting The Help in 2011, Chastain explains, “so many of the questions I was getting from the press was about fighting on set—’Was it tough to be on set with all those girls?’ I wasn’t getting those questions with any of the other movies that I’d been involved with.” 

Out of joke, I lost count of all the times I’ve heard this same question with 5H.

Fun fact that I found randomly: Reminder that only 3% of the decision-making in media is made by women. Which means that 97% of how women are portrayed is decided by men.

Always pitting women against each other is what our generation does best nowadays. Clearly mgmt & the label have used this with the fandom. The creation of “-izers” are a great example of this. As well this standard is ultimately what impulses the narrative on a daily basis. Stans went from loving & defending the group with their lives, to only caring about their faves. I know some fans still keep up with each girl & love them all. I have faith in those stans. If you’re one of them, don’t fall for that mischievous game, thank you.

DON’T BE NAIVE, KIDS.

P.S. I leave you the link to others sexist scenarios in the industry. Worth checking each out.

This Is The Kind Of Bullsh*t You Face As A Woman In The Music Industry

99% of women working in the film and TV industries have experienced sexism

I’ve heard, for example, that if a male director is being picky, people say he has a strong vision. With a woman, people will say she is being difficult. It’s also common to assume that kindness is a sign of weakness.

7 Anecdotes From Female Artists Show How Deep Sexism Runs in the Music Industry

"Women in the industry are judged more," Nicki Minaj told Time back in February. "If you speak up for yourself, you're a bitch. If you party too much, you're a whore. Men don't get called these things."

Grimes Says Male Producers Threatened to Not Finish Her Songs if She Didn't Have Sex

Grimes is no stranger to being open about the misogyny and sexism she and other females face in the industry.

Grimes fielded one fan's question, who asked why the topic seems like such a "regular thing" for her to tweet and speak about if she finds it so annoying. Grimes explained it only seems that because of the way the press fixates on it.

[spotlightsaga]

Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews... Okja (2017) TV-MA @netflix Release Date: June 28, 2017 Director: Joon-ho Bong Writers: Jon Ronson, Joon-ho Bong Genre: Action, Adventure, Drama Score: 5/10 **********SPOILERS BELOW********** It's 2017... And at this point, it really does feel like Netflix could do no wrong. They are dropping television series and films out of thin air, along with Amazon and Hulu with names like Naomi Watts, Winona Rider, Sean Astin, Paul Reiser, Adam Sandler, David Tennant, Vincent D'Onofrio, and that's not even scratching the surface. Pretty much everything Netflix has released in the last few years has been hailed by critics, bloggers and fans alike... But does all this original material really deserve this high praise?! That's where things get a little sketchy... You see, people are very passionate about their streaming favorites... VERY passionate... And when a company is on fire, I think the majority can be almost afraid to call things what they are. Luckily, you found one such group that could give a fuck! Oh, are you surprised we dropped an 'F-Bomb' in the first paragraph of a review about a young South Korean girl who befriends a doomed GMO ¿Superpig/Dog/Elephant/Manatee/Rhino? Don't be. 'Okja' looks, walks, but definitely does not talk like a kids film... There are 'Fucks', 'Shits', and literal shit being used as ammo, as apparently if you turn Okja around and slap him on the butt, ever so slightly, he shoots out pellets like a special edition weapon on 'Call of Doody'. Listen, I'm not going to sit here and act like I didn't enjoy Okja, because I did, to a degree. It's got a bit of magic to it, the CGI is very well done, and Okja is the most magnetic being on the screen... But what does that say for those top notch, award winning actors and actresses like Tilda Swindon, Jake Gyllenhaal, Paul Dano, Steven Yeun, Devon Bostick? It's not the actors that are to be blamed here... Okja keeps the audience right there with it for a good first half of the film. The issue is we've seen this before... This is basically 'Babe' with a more captivating creature, hardcore language, and Tilda Swinton and Jake Gyllenhaal giving us entertaining, over-the-top characters that are almost unrecognizable to their star's name and face. Tilda plays Lucy Mirando (and later her money loving, 'take-no-shit' twin sister) a woman who has a long term plan of undoing the negative stigma surrounding their family business. Lucy has created 26 lovable 'superpigs' and sent them all around the world to grow in different climates and conditions, to see which superpig grows the best... And she's going to use sniveling TV Personality Johnny Wilcox (Jake Gyllenhaal) to be the face of the competition and judge each pig to see which one is the biggest and the best... But uhhh... 10 years later. No, that doesn't make much sense... But it does give our semi-lovable young lead, Mija (Seo-Hyun Ahn) plenty of time to connect and grow up with the pig, developing an unarguable deep seeded relationship with her grandfather's would-be prize winning super-pig, Okja. He lies to her repeatedly and tells her that the pig has been bought and it's theirs now. There are a lot of convenient and unexplainable plot devices, twists and turns that really make no sense along Mija and Okja's adventure. Okja of course wins the competition... 10 years later - how Mirando Corporation kept people interested that long, we don't know. It did keep the interest of a group of animal activists called the 'Animal Liberation Front', led by Jay (Paul Dano) and Blond (Daniel Henshall, a man who still creeps me out from his way too convincing performance of John Bunting in Australia's 2011 'The Snowtown Murders'). Mija is pretty much one-note throughout the film, but that's covered with humor, intense action sequences, and CGI flavored emotions... CGI is a flavor at Baskin-Robbins, right? Wait, does Baskin-Robbins even still exist? I haven't seen one of those in years. Dammit, see what this film does? Suddenly, halfway through the film the loose writing that introduces characters and has them say and do things that make no sense in context to their nature, allegiances and temperament starts wearing thin and 'Okja' loses any magic or momentum it had built from the beginning. I'm not entirely sure that this film knows what it wants to be besides, you know, a broad statement about GMO foods and non-vegetarians. Joon-ho Bong directs... I quite enjoyed his 2013 Science-Fiction outing he directed called 'Snowpiercer'. That film, also starring a transformative Tilda Swinton, was even more chaotic than 'Okja', but it's tone was more even throughout the film. You got a sense that 'Snowpiercer's vision was thought through extensively, unlike the uneven 'Okja'. Character motivation was a huge problem throughout 'Okja', and ultimately was what turned me off from the film. 'Okja' was a review request by a good friend of Spotlight Saga's so we thought it was time to breakaway from our normal television routine and give it a try, especially since there were so many great reviews just filing one by one on top of each other. The main question? 'Will Okja make me cry? Is it too sad?' No. This film is clearly being enjoyed by a great number of people... Will that hold up? I doubt it, but for now, that Netflix name and the critical hype that's synonymous with the worldwide brand is keeping the movie 'buzz-worthy'. Ugh, did that term just show my age? Ultimately 'Okja' has some cute moments, some good action sequences, great CGI, and the actors do the best they can with characters that aren't written with depth in mind. I could think of worse ways to spend 2 hours... But I could also think of a million and one better ways too. 'Okja' wants to say fuck a lot, but it doesn't want to pull the trigger and give you an ending that's too upsetting. There is a looming fear that things will end badly but 🚨*spoiler alert*🚨, they don't. Like a lot of current Netflix entries, this one is overrated and its message literally smashes you over the head like a sledgehammer at a county fair. Netflix has been dropping more and more films lately and even screened this one at Cannes... The ambition is there, but the execution is sloppy at best. Let them continue to cook up films and perfect their recipes... Stick with their television series for now, because 'Okja' just isn't it. A darker ending to match its tone or more coherent character motivations would have served this film better. It's not bad by any means, but it's certainly not as great as everyone wishes it to be.

[mypatheticaesthetic]

Teach Me How to Write Pt. 1

A/N: I love Lee Seokmin so much you don’t even know. I love the sun. Here’s to all of you DK stans out there! And Seokmin’s bday is coming up. So here's this.

*italics in the story usually signify thought and occasionally is used for emphasis. 

Also, a big thank you to @chicken-will-heal-our-hearts  for revising and editing my writing! <3 Pls go and shower her with love, she’s a godsend, honestly. 

Pairings: Wonwoo x Writer!Reader x Dokyeom (sorry I had to add Wonwoo for some #drama)

Genre: Fluff/Romance, Angst (ish? comes in later parts, though)

Everything you could see, hear and feel in the moment, lazily lying in bed with your boyfriend beside you, it was all Seokmin. His heavy breathing. The rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. The fast pace of his heartbeat. The strong outline of his torso you were resting on. Cotton and sunflowers, that’s what he smelt like. The warm gentle breeze of an ocean blue, with the sun blazing oh so bright… That’s Seokmin.

Everything about him was so alive. Warm. Just… Him. You couldn’t focus on anything when he was around, he was the ultimate distraction. In a room, he outshone everything. His smile was your favourite thing, his lips would spread ear to ear, and you could see crow feet crinkling up at his eyes. Your retinas always felt like they were being burnt out, but they have never felt so blessed.

“Good morning, hun,” Seokmin spoke in his raspy morning voice.

“Good morning, sun.” you replied back.

You both giggled, nuzzling your noses together before Seokmin lightly brushed his lips across yours.

“Teach me how to write today?”

“Mmm… Seokmin, we just got up,”

“We can write on the sheets today…” his eyebrows moved in a suggestive manner.

You laughed. “God, that was dirty. Go wash your face.”

You loved the sun, and the sun loved you back.

And it all started with one mere phrase many years ago,

“Could you teach me how to write?”

Bustling hallways filled with slow-moving students and the heavy smell of teenage odour hung in the corridors of your high school. The sound of chatter, clattering footsteps, locks being opened and closed, everyone lived the same routine day to day. You liked routine. It kept you from squandering away and procrastinating, you liked to be on track. You walked past the hoards of people, just trying to get to your class on time.

Within the school corridors, there was always a common topic on everyone’s lips:

Boys. Girls. Dating. The occasional chatter of tests. None of which you really worried about, and were glad of. Tests weren’t something to worry of if you studied. Dating? You had your books and fiction to rely on when it came to that. You could probably write relationships better than those going on in your school...

‘Its unfortunate that all of the attractive people are untouchable,’ you thought to yourself as you sat down at your desk. ‘They’re either ill-mannered or the nice ones are taken already. And some live across the world from me. Some live in worlds I cannot live in. Untouchable.’

The bell rang, interrupting your thoughts and signifying the beginning of class.

English class was painfully slow. Just annotating and reading Macbeth. Symbolism, symbolism, symbolism. More words. Too many metaphors. Too much 16th-century vernacular. Your eyes flicked at the analogue clock just above the classroom doorway. 15 minutes left in class before lunch.

“Class, I’m going to try something new. I don’t know how it will go, but I believe it will be very interesting,” your teacher got out of their comfortable swivel chair and moved to the front of the class.

“I’m assigning you a new project.” groans across the class were heard from many students. “It’s going to be a long-term project, and I want you guys to learn the importance of tone and mood. So, I want you all to get into groups of two to write a story.”

A pair of onyx eyes looked at you from across the classroom. Wonwoo shot some finger guns at you. You’d always do projects with Wonwoo, who was ýour close childhood friend. Before you could send finger guns back in response, a tall figure blocked your vision.

‘What’s this?’

An unfamiliar voice spoke. “Hello, Y/N. How art thou on this fine day?”

You tilted your head up towards the voice. It was a boy. High cheekbones, large smile, exposed forehead. Absurdly smooth skin. Thick eyebrows that seemed to have a mind of their own. Tall, and Asian. Korean, maybe? His hair looked similar to one of those fuckboy hairstyles. From first glance, he actually looked pretty handsome, but you sure as hell weren’t going to say that to his face. You didn’t even know his name, but somehow he knew yours.

‘God, I sure hope I’m not interacting with a fuckboy,’ your mind mused ‘do Asian fuckboys even exist?’

“Sorry, I don’t speak Shakespearean. Come again?” you replied bluntly.

The boy smiled wider, and you didn’t even think that was possible. “Hello, Y/N. How are you? Ah, sorry, I didn’t even introduce myself. I’m Lee Seokmin. My friends call me Dokyeom though. Feel free to do the same.”

“I’ll call you Seokmin. Nice to meet you.”

“Anyways, I was wondering,” Seokmin continued, “Could you teach me how to write?”