#unfortunately. rent is a big obstacle

[soaptaculart]

Do you have any advice for wanting to do art as a free-lance artist and just like, basically surviving off living as an artist without a typical job?

Oh gosh, I don't think I do have any good advice for that really,, I did live with art as my only income for 2ish years, but it's something I was only able to do because I was living with my parents (so not having to pay rent) and otherwise keeping my living expenses low! I never got my income to a point where I could actually live independently off it - even with a pretty sizeable audience like I have now, it's tough! I guess a little bit of advice would be that I think your rapport with your clients/commissioners/what have you is really important. When I take commissions the majority of my work is from regulars! If you're easy to communicate with and the whole process is nice and smooth, a lot of people will want to keep coming back! So it isn't necessarily all about getting as many customers as possible, but making sure that everyone you work with is happy with the experience Sorry that I can't be of more help! But wishing you the best of luck anon! 💪💪

[thisreputable]

omega!ghost x fem!alpha!soap thoughts

bear with me plz. so, august of last year i read an omega!ben x alpha!rey fic that has lived rent free in my head ever since. ben had isolated himself, doing research that kept him far from civilization - far from alphas - until rey shows up

now, imagine. big, silent, deadly ghost who keeps to himself, begrudgingly accepts he needs to interact with the others of the 141, if only to kept things cohesive out on missions. accepts the fact he had to socialize a little. keeps it to the bare minimum, though. never volunteers anything personal: his past, family, plans for the future, designation. sometimes he'll give short, clipped answers, simple questions. tea over coffee, mystery novels (will never, ever admit, even under pain of death, his love for bodice rippers). action/adventure movies with a sprinkling of sci-fi. nothing too deep. nothing anyone could potentially use against him.

(price knows some things. more than most for sure. an unfortunate necessity as ghost's CO. not everything. not what or who ghost is under industrial strength blockers and the best suppressants money can buy. under the mask where simon lurks.)

so ghost's innermost everything is locked up tighter than america's fort knox. impenetrable. inscrutable. impossible to know beyond mere surface level. even then, the mask assures it's not something likely to happen.

enter joan "soap" mactavish, the newest member of the 141.

loud. young. offensively confident. vibrant. unafraid. alpha.

she smells like his and it terrifies him.

everything ghost has tried to steer clear of for longer than he can remember. since before he died and clawed himself out of the ground. since before betrayal, and being the last riley, and learning the taste of his own blood in his mouth. before ghost and ghoulish masks and too many scars to count.

since the shape of his father's meaty fists bloomed purple-red across a pale canvas. since useless and pathetic and omega became synonymous with simon.

she's everything he fears and hates and admires and envies and desires and covets. everything he ever wished but could never be.

he does his best to steer clear of her. does his job, of course. would never let anything keep him from completing his objectives, keep him from making sure everyone on his team made it back in one piece. wouldn't jeopardize the one good thing in his life just because an alpha has his skin prickling and his hind brain whining for something he'll never be worthy of.

soap's a force of nature unto herself, though. persistent doesn't begin to describe her. every obstacle he attempts to put in her way, she bulldozes right through them. leaves a trail of destruction in her wake with a beatific smile on her face and a manic, gleeful light in her too-blue eyes.

for whatever reason, she's set her eyes on ghost and nothing he does or says seems to sway her from getting closer to him. she seeks him out if they're ever in the same room. will lean into his personal space. will ask him question after question and stare until he gives her an answer good enough to satisfy her curiosity. will sit next to him during meals and shamelessly nab food from his tray before giving him things off of hers (he steadfastly ignores the warmth that pulses in his chest when he realizes everything she puts on his plate are things that he enjoys).

will place a steady hand on his arm or shoulder or back (the one time she touched his chest is seared into his memory). doesn't blink when he flinches. will just smile - a little smile that has too many meanings for ghost to parse - before staring him right in the eye and touching him again. like she's daring him to run away, to tell her to stop.

he never does, tongue tied and mind wiped of every thought.

he doesn't know what she wants, is the thing. to be friends? colleagues? more? less? to be the first to peel back a layer of the thing called ghost and brag to everyone else that she's succeeded where so many others have failed?

to be one soul inhabiting two separate bodies?

eventually, though, he buckles under her continued attentions. like all man made things when faced with the awesome power of nature, his defenses are washed away, eroded until nothing remains but the tender core of a man. of an omega desperate to feel wanted and desired and safe.

until all that's left in the aftermath is simon.

it's terrifying. he feels naked. scraped raw. unmasked. seen.

he expects many things once she corners him in his office and he gives in. expects condemnation. ridicule. confusion. scathing remarks as to his designation. expects to be left in tatters after she realizes that her efforts were wasted on him.

instead, she kisses him. instead, she slides a gun calloused hand to the back of his neck and pulls him down, down, down until their lips meet. instead, she steals the breath from his lungs and the thoughts from his stuttering mind and his awareness of the world beyond a flimsy door.

ghost is remade, reborn, in the seconds-hours-years they kiss. he's left gasping, knees weak and hands fisted in soap's ridiculous (stupidly attractive and absolutely against regulations) mohawk, in the aftermath. it takes more effort than he's willing to admit for his eyes to flutter open. he's met by a sight that steals his breath all over again.

soap's eyes are blown wide, pupils rimmed by the crimson of an alpha barely grasping at self-control. a delightfully fetching blush has spread from her cheeks down the column of her throat. her lips are glossy with their shared spit, swollen and tender looking. just beyond them, he can see a hint of wickedly sharp fangs.

she's the most beautiful person he's ever seen. it's almost debilitating how much he wants her. how much he wants to be hers.

"mine," she says and it takes his foggy mind an embarrassing amount of time to realize that that wasn't some kind of auditory hallucination. that she's just... staked her claim on him. just like that.

ghost is left blinking owlishly, mouth opening and closing but unable to form a comprehensive thought, much less words.

well.

"my simon." a purr underscores her claim. "my omega."

and who's ghost to tell her otherwise? how could he possibly deny her the one thing that has ever felt right in his long, wretched life?

and then something something sudden heat and rut something something reverse knotting something something claiming bites something something years later something something retirement and pups something something they lived happily ever after

...yeah. just a silly little thot 🙂

[judgeanon]

Plastic Skies - Model 2: Mirage III C

So on our last episode, I’d finished building, painting and decalling my first model. And for all its errors and imperfections, I was quite happy with it. So happy that I pretty much jumped into the next project: another cheap model, but something a bit more close to home. Unfortunately, this one’s construction would hit a major obstacle that tried my patience for the better part of a month.

The AMD Mirage III C, along with the Skyhawk and the Super Etendard, is one of the emblematic fighters of my country’s air force. A handful of them were purchased based on their impressive performance during the 1967 Six-Day War. The first batch of planes were delivered in 1972 and quickly became the backbone of the air force. More Mirage variants from Israel and Peru were bought through the 70s and early 80s, and in 1982 they participated in the Malvinas/Falklands/South Atlantic conflict. By all accounts, a quite beloved, if often obsolete plane.

So while I haven’t really confirmed this, I picture building a Mirage to be a rite of passage for national hobbyists akin to a Brit’s first Spitfire or a Yank’s first Mustang. A classic through and through. Still, I admit that wasn’t what made me decide to do one. The truth is that I didn’t feel ready to move to the big, expensive Revells and Academys and whatnot. I sort of still don’t. So when I found a little 1/100 Mirage made locally at an even cheaper price than the MiG-21, I pretty much jumped at it. Besides, the kit offered me an opportunity to try something new. Now that my paralyzing terror of paints had all but disappeared, I decided to take it a step further and paint a camo pattern.

So after consulting with the shop owner (and not-so-slyly showing him a picture of the finished MiG), I walked out with two more little boxes of paint, dark green and light brown, and a roll of masking tape which I’d learned online was very important for keeping paint out of places where I didn’t want it to be. I’d also heard about decal solutions, which sounded like the answer to my decal fear, but the shop owner said they didn’t have any and it should be arriving soon-ish. I didn’t mind. I expected the plane to be a quick and easy build that would leave me more time to focus on the camo, and I knew I’d have a very generous canvas thanks to the Mirage’s bigass delta wing. It was gonna be a good time, and for the most part, it was. Until it wasn’t.

I don’t have any close-ups, but due to an unholy combination of the kit’s cheapo production and my own inexperience when fitting the wing, the poor Mirage ended up with a massive gap between the main fuselage and its right wing. Just a big long visible hole, a perfectly straight valley that no amount of glue would cover. The left wing had been slightly luckier, but not by much, and also sported the unsightly hole. And on the underside, where the wings joined with the back end of the fuselage, more big holes were on full display. This wasn’t just some small imperfection to shrug off. This was some ugly shit. And I was not gonna have it.

Of course, my search for a solution immediately brought me to good ol’ plastic putty, a product that I knew existed in various forms but had never used. A couple of tutorials helped ease me into the idea of using it, so I was about to head back to the shop when I remembered the missing solutions. In a flash of caution, I sent them a message asking about them and about putty. The answer was the same for both. Still not here, should be coming in soon. It was a little frustrating to say the least, but I’d been slowly starting to peek into the hobby scene and its myriad of dealers around town, so I knew I had options.

What I didn’t have was money. Or, to be more precise, I didn’t have spending money. Due to some delay issues at work, I had to put a halt on pretty much all frivolous spendings to focus purely on rent and food and all that other boring stuff. And as ridiculous and self-absorbed as it sounds, I admit, it got pretty annoying to see the weeks go by and the model sit there drying up, its unseemly crevices in full display, its body still awaiting a second coat of paint. Eventually, the frustration got the better of me and I ended up buying a bottle of putty from an online seller along with some flexi sanders. After a while, the want had been dangerously inching closer to becoming a need.

Like everything else, the filling process was a learning experience. I know I probably used a little more than I should’ve, but once it was dry and the new coat of paint went over it, peace returned to my heart. Yeah, I could work with this. So I did. Using a combination of the solitary instructions page the model had come with and half a dozen photos found online, I set about to painting the best approximation of a Mirage camo that my clumsy wrist could figure out. And like all the best parts of building kits so far, once the initial intimidation had passed, it proved to be an incredibly fun, tremendously intuitive and terribly rewarding little task.

After all those weeks waiting around, it was a pleasure to see my little Mirage take shape like this, its horried issues safely hdiden under a coat of two different colors of paint. And with the undercarriage painted grey and the nose and thrusters black, I was using all of my paints so far. The nose gave me more than a little trouble, and for a sec I considered busting out the putty again, but after all that work, I was ready to be done with it and move to the final step.

Thing was, that decal sheet kinda terrified me. The last one I’d used had had eight decals total and they’d been big fuckers. This one had pretty much triple the size and sported some really weird things, like thin red lines that were supposed to go along the inner edges of the wings or bizarre double-level decals, where the idea was to place one first, let it dry, then place the other on top to complete an emblem or a warning sign. It was a bit much, especially given I still had no decal solution. So with that in mind, I set upon my decaling task feeling like this was going to look terrible no matter what I did. Mistakes were going to be made. And sure enough, they were.

But still, once it was over and the sheet was just a pile of little soggy shreds of paper, I had to admit... they looked cool. They looked almost annoyingly cool, giving the plane a bunch of extra shots of color. And as much as I messed up those thin red stripes, I was and still am very happy with how the roundels and flags came out. Imperfect as it was, this wasn’t some generic Mirage III. This was an Argie Mirage. An Argierage. And it was mine.

The finished plane earned another round of applause from my parents and brother, and while I’d like to say I didn’t need nor want their approval, I can’t deny it felt pretty damn good to hear the impression in their voices. A byproduct of all the hobbies I’d picked so far, like videogames or making comics, was that it was always hard to show them off to other people. Most of my finished comics are all in English, and even if they weren’t, my parents always showed a lot of support for me but not a lot of interest in them. But this was something they could grasp. This was something they could understand, even partake in a little. This was a Hobby the way they understood it.

My mother in particular commended me on the paintjob and my brother was surprised to hear I’d made it all freehand. After a long time of struggling to try and grab their interest when I described what I filled my idle hours with, it was just plain nice to have something I could easily and proudly show off like that, going into detail about all the different tools and colors I’d used. And the more I talked about that last part, the more I felt like I’d grown enough to take that next step. To aim for something bigger. I promised myself that, as soon as I got paid, there’d be no more cheapo little seven dollar kits.

And I made good on it. Sort of.

[alln64games]

Wave Race 64

JP release: 27th September 1996

NA release: 4th November 1996

PAL release: 29th April 1997

Developer: Nintendo

Publisher: Nintendo

N64 Magazine Score: 90%

It took a few months for the Nintendo 64 for a new game, and when it game it met with glowing reviews. I do remember playing this slightly as a kid, and distinctly remember having a lot of trouble with it due to being awful at it. However, it was only short goes as it was a friend’s copy of the game.

Wave Race 64 is a jet ski racing game. Not only do you have to complete the circuits, but you have to pass buy buoys on the correct side. Miss one and you’ll lose some power, miss five and you’ll fail that race.

Just a quick note about widescreen screenshots: some emulators can try to expand the view of games to work in widescreen, but a lot of games have issues with this. A few games have unofficial widescreen patches and some have action replay codes to make it run in widescreen. A very small amount of N64 games have widescreen support built in. For Wave Race, extending the view worked a charm, and the game looks great.

It’s difficult to get across the look of Wave Race in screenshots – the ocean and how it moves is the main impressive part of the game. The ocean moves in a realistic way and it still stands out as water in games is still not easy to do today – to the point that it’s really games that are entirely focused on water that have proper wave simulation (games like Sea of Thieves). The water is also not just for looks – it affects the movement of your jet ski and you’ll have to work out how to race using them to your advantage.

The levels in Wave Race also manage to feel distinctive, which is not an easy task for water based games. While I’ve just praised the waves a lot, one stand out level is Drake Lake – which doesn’t have waves. The level starts off foggy but clears up as you progress, with the lake having a silvery reflective surface. There’s something really beautiful about this level, even today.

Another very memorable one is Southern Lake. In this level, the tide is going out. Each lap, the obstacles will be different due to the level of the water. A big pier blocks the way on the first lap, but you can zoom through its supports on later laps. Unfortunately, the game only has 8 courses (plus a bonus training course)

There are three main difficulties in Wave Race, however the difficulty doesn’t just alter the enemy racers. Instead, the locations of the buoys are different, making navigating the levels much more difficult. You need to truly master the waves to succeed at the game and your reward is reverse mode, where you race across the tracks backwards, which makes the levels feel a lot different.

Outside of the main championship mode, Wave Race offers time trial and a stunt mode. You can set your own high stores in the stunt mode as you have to make it to the next checkpoint while hitting rings and performing tricks. The other main move is a 2 player race.

Wave Race 64 doesn’t contain a lot of stuff, but there’s so much detail in what it does do that it makes up for it. It’s a really fun game that rewards skill and offers a significant challenge. Wave Race got a sequel on the GameCube, but there’s nothing out now that’s quite the same.

In one respect, Wave Race parallels the ground-breaking brilliance of Super Mario 64 in a way that Mario Kart 64 doesn’t

- Zy Nicholson, N64 Magazine #2

Remake or Remaster?

Wave Race: Blue Storm has been accused of being too much like a remake, so a new game would be a better option.v

Official Ways to get the game

There is no way to buy a new copy of Wave Race 64, the only official way to play is to rent it via the Nintendo Switch Online + Expansion Pak.

Re-releases

1997: Wave Race 64 Rumble Pak version (Japan only)

2007: Wii Virtual Console (this replaced the Kawasaki banners with Wii and DS logos)

2016: Wii U Version Console (this had the original graphics)

2022: Nintendo Switch Online (subscription only)

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se3, ep11 (part 1)

Breaking toxic bonds & accepting healthy ones isn’t a miracle. A bond that started with love could end up chained & toxic, another that started wrong could’ve become the joy of a life time. You can do it. Break the cycle of abuse & stand up for yourself, it is easy yet so difficult, you aren’t alone, tho, loved ones stand nearby cheering. Be kind on yourself, otherwise you’ll throw your life away. Life isn’t just happiness & joy, it’s also sadness & loneliness. Break free from the shackles that held you down. Embrace life & Live.

-Tohru’s “ I’m okay” mask is finally shattered! (the Importance of kyo’s rejection for her development):

This is the last part of tohru’s character development! The last few eps were abt her role in Akito’s redemption & their similarities. she staood up for herself & choose a path away from her mom while keeping her mom’s memory in a healthy manner. No more planning my life according to mom’s wishes, no more talking to mom ‘s picture 24/7. Now, I’ll plan my life & move forward even if it is with the guy mom said she cant forgive. even If it is without him, I’ll move forward. I love him so much, yet I won’t force our bond & let go. So easy yet so difficult!. tohru doesnt know anything abt kyo after her fall. All she remembers is his heart-broken face as he wept beside her. Those tears on his face, she caused them. He cried cuz it is too painful to see her hurt. She was a burden to him! tohru restored to her old coping mechanism of pretending “ i’m Okay” & smiling. She did so numerous times before. Always worked. No one noticed. Except him. Se02, ep7. he urged her to show her true fears. Now, she’s faced with a pain so big she can’t pretend no more. the pain of loosing him. She cried in front of yuki! The smile & chatting abt chores couldn’t conceal the running tears! Yuki’s first time seeing her like that. Se01, ep14, yuki wondered how could tohru smile after her mom’s death. She can’t pretend no more! She’ll have to wear her feelings on her sleeve! cuz it IS ok to do so! She tells kyo to give her a moment to compose herself. She couldn’t lie & pretend like she did with yuki. Here she either run away or just try to compose myself! I LOVE THAT! This way, whenever kyo/tohru fight or have any misunderstanding in the future as a couple, you’ll know tohru won’t just bear it & pretend, “ i;m okay” No! she’ll talk to kyo & express herself! I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! It gives her so much strength as a human & I’m happy all the obstacles & set backs in kyo/tohru’s romantic journey has led them to be better ppl little by little to build healthier & more realistic love! 

-The mechanics of writing a compelling slow-burn romance:

1. Igniting the romantic feelings slowly: Slow burns don’t work with love at 1st sight. It must first sparkle naturally, slowly & subtly. Both kyo & tohru repeatedly stated they don’t know exactly when they first fell in love. The author’s decision to create an environment where the two live together is a genius way to start & nurture their romance quietly & subtly. Kyo was tricked to stay in shigure’s house while tohru had to stay cuz she had no home, Natural reasons that force the two to spend days together & get to know each other gradually.

2. Dynamics of their personalities: For slow burns to work, the two characters need to be similar yet opposites! Kyo & tohru are both kind, endearing, innocent, good at chores, independent & hardworking. They both have history with their mothers that is filled with love yet traumas. However, tohru is calm yet prefer maneuvering around subjects, can’t stand up for herself, reads ppl easily, tends to trust ppl easily & disregard herself. Kyo is fierce, strong, tends to distrust ppl, despite ppl loving his spontaneous character, he has hard time figuring out if they’re mocking him or teasing him, very straightforward with his words & actions. The similarities helps them understand each other, however, the differences creates chances to clash & come even closer thro various situation. Ex, se01, ep2, kyo apologizing for hitting her head with the table which created the situation where she needed to confess she always loved the cat zodiac! It is HER gush of emotions that struck kyo. ppl really want my friendship? the cat is loved? Thro those difference they learned to better themselves so they won’t hurt the other, kyo toning down his anger for her, tohru desiring to know him even more as he becomes even more awkward.

3. Creating natural, realistic  & convincing obstacles that prevents them from being together:  This is the most important part! Slow-burn is two characters in love & cant be together despite everyone wanting them to be! if the reason that stops them from uniting is trivial, stupid, one-sided, can easily be solved, then the slow-burn would be a fillery & no one would cheer for it! Takaya-san is a genius!

Kyo can’t be with tohru cuz he thinks (a) he killed her mom! we saw thr flashback, he could’ve saved her & couldn’t save her. It was a split of a second difference & he hates himsef for NOT trying! that split of a second also prevented from thinking of better ways to save her than holding her! it happened to fast, he couldn't think of a better alternative cuz this was his 2nd time loosing someone (b) his mom’s sucide being pinned as his fault created this immense guilt & defeated feeling that “ no matter what, I just cause death & misery! There’s (c) too!, he knew tohru! thinks she deserves the world & cuz he didnt save her mom, he watched tohru talk to a freaking picture for two years! heck! he is the only one who can see thro tohru’s “ i;m okay” mask, so in se01, ep 14 in the grave yard! kyo wasnt the only one who is sad! tohru was too! & kyo could tell! (d) her mom’s death is the reason tohru is accepting shigure’s offer to stay with them rent-free in exchange of doing housework! (e)? he saw her confess crying her heart out abt missing her mom so much that she imitated her dad! so tragicly sad! (f) he saw her die in his nightmare!! how can he accept her love,now? Perfectly orchestrated obstacles! 

Tohru, unfortunately, in the anime it wasn't that clear due to shortening her backstories & trauma in se03, ep6. But she too couldn’t see herself confessing love to kyo. Tohru is has low self-esteem, always thinks she’s a burden to others, an orphan who just wants her mom, so scared, lonely & sad! we the audience believed the mask! we saw her work her motherly charm yuki, isusuz, kisa & believe her issues are not that deep.  tohru wont cry for herself but shed rivers for others! grief is so ugly it broke her! I cant let go of mom, must keep her always in my heart, such a hard emotions to write & I believe 100% the director couldn’t understand her grief & decided to split ep6 between her, kyo, isuzu & shigure. But Tohru struggling to confess to kyo is no laughing matter. ppl who are grieving find it the hardest to live after the loved ones die. they wont mostly commit suicide, they are alive, but they arent living. they just go thro the motions & live for the sake of those around them but not themselves. Tohru deciding to confess to kyo is her deciding to live for herself.

4. Writing a perfect psychologically & emotionally packed climax: I dont need to explain how perfect kyo’s rejection of tohru in se03 ep9 was. How much we felt for him yet were mad at him. He we were “ ugh! kyo no!!!! I mean I get why you do that , but you idiot no! come back! poor kyo! He was just so sad & broken! OMG he’ll kill himself after finding tohru’s injured body!! he totally would! his nightmare came true! But Tohru reached him! she wanted him to be okay! he wont kill himself but still feels hella guilty! but so utterly in love with her that his instinct upon seeing her come to life after near death is kiss her! Perfect display of psychology & emotions! filled with right, wrong, sad, happy, guilty, innocent! basically so human~ As the audience you MUST have this mixture of feelings of wanting to hug him so bad cuz this boy has been killing himself for years now yet want him to stop & just see that he was a good boy afterall. Tohru is THE best girl & if the audience are cheering for kyo to be with her, kyo really deserves her! The only problem is for kyo to see that now.

5. The Perfect wrap up of all romance: If you make your audience suffer the slow-burn this long, you gotta reward them good! & Takaya-san delivered! Just like how the entire romantic story is realistic, the reunion must be as realistic too! Tohru is hurt by kyo;s words. Facts remain his words were hurtful to her. I love that was addressed! tohru gets to tell her side, too! If you love someone, you are bound to be hurt by them as much as be happy with them. Simply cuz they matter so much to you! you arent one person, but two ppl coming together. Kyo must work hard for this confession. Must run & chase her. Must earn her proper! He gets on his knees, I cant express how important that is! he is way taller than her, Imagine apologizing while she looks way up & he looks down? He gets on his knees & apologize like a man, for every mistake, all while not loathing himself. He aint going back to that deep abyss again. He did wrong by her & he is owning up to his mistakes. Give me one chance. I’m not gonna force you with persistence or guilt you into taking me. Give me ONE chance cuz i deserve it & no more. The choice is yours. She asks to confirm, he shows her, they kiss, they hug, they are rewarded with a blessing from the heavens! One of the most simple yet emotionally fulfilling confessions in anime!

- Hugs over kisses: (And her kiss hugs her & the curse was lifted):

Prince charming kisses the princess & she wakes up~ they live ever after~ except furuba is all abt “ eternal ever after is not true, real life is where the real love is”

Kyo kissed tohru once, she didnt wake up, she didnt even think he loved her back. didnt even remember the kiss.

Kyo hugged tohru once. se01, e024, He initiated it, tohru was all in tears, surprised, happy & so utterly in love. he called her name for the first time ever, for a brief moment, they both connected, they both comforted each other. The rain stopped, he became a man not a monster, she got him back. She got her kyo that she fought for with none other than kyo himself.

kyo hugged her again, se03, ep6. They both initiated it. He made the first move, pulling her just a little closer, she made the second move & hugged him hard, he transformed, it was a moment were they both connected, both so sad & broken, both feeling needy for the other, both desperate for the other, both just living the moment. the result is them coming closer, her wanting him more, him realizing her love, there is no escape. Admit it. she loves you. You can tell.

Kyo hugs her again today. He asks permission. No spur of the moment feeling. But a long lasting permission to be together. To hug. He wants to hear her acceptance of his cursed body. “ is ok to hug you? this body will cause you pain as it wont be able to fulfill your wishes of constant hugs & intimacy”. She responds, permission granted, for love, for hugs, for a life long acceptance of you as a whole. weakness & strength, sadness & happiness. I accept you all in better & worse! we’re invincible. Why? cuz we understand love isnt magic. It is a path for us to walk together~~~ reward curse break!

Every time kyoru are closer it is a hug. The one thing the zodiacs cant do. A hug. They can kiss. But cant hug. comes this Zodiac Ruler girl so lonely, away from ppl, so sad, meets a cat boy who comes to the house she’s living in, a house away from ppl, the boy is drawn to the girl, However, when the boy needed to leave, the girl was able to let go despite loving him, the boy comes again, this time wanting to stay, the girl accepts the boy. They both accept the realistic reality of life. Embrace the obstacles & the achievements, celebrates the weakness above the strength. Both so imperfect. Both so endearingly dumb! that’s why the girl’s hug broke the boy’s curse. The girl’s acceptance of the cat broke all curses.

Side Note:

Kyo’s confession is so kyo! so straightforward, so direct, & so physical. He’s on his knees, holding her hands, looking at her eyes. “ i want to be WITH you. If I’m gona live, I want to to do it with you & no one else! cuz I love you” that’s it. That’s all.  So sincere & so romantic!

it is crazy how different tohru & kyo are now after the confession! she stood confidently & happily & said “dont you know, I love you!” all while teasing him, her giggle is so girlish & cute! my girl is a happy woman in love! long buried the angelic mother image of se02! YES! also, kyo’s happy face is love! Dude! when was the last time he smiled so freely? Did he ever do that? He smiled in se01, ep4 with kazmua, but not like this! T_T. my son is healing~

Kyo’s “ i wont ever feel afraid if you’re with me” is a huge growth from his “ I want to protect her” mindset. Now he realizes it is two-sided mutual desire. She gives him strength as much as he does! <3

I dont like open eye while kissing, but here it is so perfect for tohru in this moment! cuz she spent days thinking kyo rejected her & even ran away as soon as she saw him, now he’s not only confessing, apologizing, admitting she is his life, but also kissing her signaling they’re romantic couple. kissing on lips is so personal, what more evidence she needs? still, her thoughts? “ it’s like a dream?” aww~~~ tohru~~~ my precious girl! she just cant believe all her suffering is over, now? She was just practicing “ i’m okay” smile & now she’s an official girlfriend to the man of her dreams? He just bent da kneeee~ go for it queen!

yuki’s face when tohru cried is exactly what I meant of “ allowing yuki to have strong facial expressions”! XD these types of faces humanize yuki so much into the teenage boy he is! Unfortunately the anime team only sees him as the pretty prince in most times. That’s why fave yuki is when he’s with kakeru. He becomes so un-princly as he should be.

Speaking of yuki, I see you anime team~ postponing his moment into next ep so him & machi wont be overshadowed by the long awaited kyoru!! While this defies the perfection of all cursed zodiacs breaking on the same ep making akito’s breakdown less perfect & poetic, I take it as the anime team admitting they underdeveloped yuchi & decided let’s give them more screen time & not putting them in close distance from any couple. A week later ep is enough with lots of time. I dont mind at all, I’m just saying more time after/while confession is not what i was hoping for~~ sigh~ At least I hope yuki would say sth along the lines” all this time I was looking at you, i realized i love you” to imply he was thinking of her as a lover not his kindness for someone he helped. I just dont want their love to be sudden simply cuz yuki needs happy ending. oh well~ I’m sure whatever it will be, the anime will give it utmost attention.

That sad moment when kagura wasnt allowed a moving image. lol. girl was given a still image that didnt even move with the breeze! T_T

Not gonna lie... the scene with kazuma & kyo was underwhelming. Why the wide shot? I mean you dont need budget for that. Just give me a closeup from the waist up with kyo head buried in kazuma’s chest. Dont need to waste budget on kazuma’s face, either.... do the old trick of hair covering eyes & show me glittery tears~  why the awkward shot of kazma towering in his own house! how tall is this man & why cant he he fix his roof?...lol

Also, shigure, you got scars man... who can hurt shigure? akito? gotta be her. I dont think hatori scratches...lol.. Aya? nah~ too busy with Mine! yup, akito... another steamy night? could be, she’s changed as he wish now. But scratching a face is weird while..um..kissing? a quarrel? but why? I bet she wants him now & we know he wants her....

More on part 2! especially abt the curse’s lore~

[stories-me]

Potential Character for Mrs. Kelsey and Tumblr 11/18/2021: 

 Rajesh “Raj” Koothrapalli, Astrophysicist of the Big Bang Theory: 

 Appearance: (See above). 

From: Big Bang Theory. 

Personality: 

Originally from India, Raj is slightly clueless about American culture and idioms, and dislikes Indian food and his home country. 

He portrayed himself as a person who rose from poverty because it makes him appear heroic. Rajesh also tends to heavily rely on his family’s wealth for his own lifestyle, often wielding the family fortunes extravagantly. He enjoys his privileged lifestyle to such an extent that, when he wanted something off his father he offered to cut off the cleaning lady so that he could provide for himself, then muttering to Cinnamon that they were both going to be living like animals. Much like Howard would only consider that either his mother or Bernadette would do housework, or any work around his living space, Raj essentially never pays to survive – his parents pay his insurances and rent and he pays someone to buy food and even walk his dog. This leads to the speculation that, even though Raj is an adult, he acts like a spoiled child. 

In addition, Raj could be extremely pompous when it suited him: His protectiveness of his sister, or his view of her in general, is laughable in some respects – when he tells Howard to stay away from Priya and stated that she was way hotter than Howard’s girlfriend, the exact second after Howard agreed with him Raj snapped, “Dude, that’s my sister you’re talking about!”; later on, when he learns of Howard’s pact with Leonard that prohibits them from interest in Priya, Raj is sated when Howard says that they “pinky-swore” on the pact, but later on he explosively stated that defiling Priya superseded a pinky-swear. 

He used to have a psychological condition called selective mutism, a recognized social anxiety disorder which rendered him unable to talk to women (with some exceptions), although he quickly learned that he was able to temporarily overcome this problem by consuming either alcohol-containing foods and medicine or experimental anti-anxiety medication. Unfortunately, the alcohol altered his personality and the medications tended to have side effects, such as involuntary face and hand motions, loss of rationality, or jovially stripping naked in public without cognizance of its inappropriate nature. Raj was also able to speak in the presence of women if they were part of a crowd, if he was unaware of their presence, or if he believed that he has been drinking alcohol. Raj noted, however, that this obstacle was an improvement over his previous affliction, in which the presence of women would cause him to lose bladder control, a condition mostly remedied by the meditation methods of ancient Indian gurus. (He does still have a “nervous bladder” in the sense that he gets an urge to relieve himself when under stress.) When Lucy broke up with him In the season six finale, “The Bon Voyage Reaction,” he discovered while talking to Penny that he was… well, talking to Penny, even though he had not consumed any alcohol since the previous night, which made him realize that breaking things off with Lucy seemed to allowed him to finally overcome his selective mutism. As of season 7, he no longer requires alcohol in order to speak in front of females though it did temporarily return when he first tried to have sex with his arranged bride Anu. 

One of Raj’s primary personality quirks beside his selective mutism is his tendency to speak or act inappropriately in most situations. 

He complains that he is lonely, which leads to Raj hating himself and needing to be reassured of his value. While usually sweet, Rajesh Koothrappali sometimes smiles at his friends’ misfortunes, especially if he stands to selfishly benefit from said misfortunes. Whenever Raj gets an idea or wants to say something slightly controversial in a conversation, he whispers it in Howard or someone else's ear whenever a woman is around. Howard does refuse to say it out loud because he finds it stupid, offensive, or inappropriate, but he ends up saying it anyway through scoffing at Raj. He also has arguments with Howard often, being akin to those of a married couple. He is noted for using “gangsta” slang, such as “fo’ shizzle” and repeatedly using the word “dude”. 

He enjoys reading DC Comics, as do his friends, but he dislikes Aquaman. Raj often obsesses over almost-insignificant details in fiction, such as how toilets work in Atlantis, the possible symbolism of ponytails in Avatar, whether Wolverine’s prostate is made of adamantium, what zombies would eat if humanity was exterminated, how vampires would shave themselves since they can’t see their reflections, etc. He has experienced gaming addiction and, like Sheldon and Howard, he idolizes Stephen Hawking. Unlike the other guys, Raj has shown great interest in some non-geeky things likes John Grisham novels and Archie comics, the latter being shared with Zack. Raj also has an interest in a number of books, movies and TV shows which are generally targeted towards the female demographic, such as Twilight, The Good Wife, Grey’s Anatomy, Sex and the City, Eat, Pray, Love and Bridget Jones’s Diary. He follows his parents’ wishes and relays on them for money as seen in the episode with his drone. He parents heavily follow their religion which Raj also follows however breaks it whenever he is drunk. Eventually he stopped taking his parents’ money and moved into an apartment over his friend Bert’s garage. 

How he is like me: 

We both are more or less strangers in strange lands. Also, we both do things without thinking, at times (mostly, I get angry or frustrated for various reasons). 

[kemifatoba]

C/O Berlin Magazine | It’s a space for everyone, and everyone can come in — Thoughts for the future

“I cringe when I hear words like ‘diversity’ and ‘inclusion.” To quote the civil rights activist, philosopher, and writer Angela Davis, “diversity” and “inclusion” are terms that you, dear reader, might have also stumbled across in recent months, whether you wanted to or not. Inspired by global Black Lives Matter protests, mainstream media, corporations, and other institutions finally realized – in some cases as it seems overnight – that racism is also an intractable problem in Germany. Unfortunately, we need more than just hollow words and empty promises to solve this problem. You might be thinking to yourself: “But didn’t people take to the streets or write opinion pieces in newspapers to protest structural racism? And didn’t major institutions promise to offer diversity and inclusion workshops in discussion after discussion on television?” Perhaps, but don’t be fooled. Instead of critically questioning the role that white decision-makers play in perpetuating systemic racism, “society” was blamed. Over and over again, Black* people were asked to answer if they had really experienced racism through scrutiny of their real-life stories, while predominantly white “experts” were invited onto talk shows to discuss the so-called “racism debate”. Profound, structural changes are still lacking, at least as of the time this text goes to print. 

Presence equals power. This brings us to the current moment where you are reading these words about British photographer Nadine Ijewere’s solo show at C/O Berlin. Nadine Ijewere is the first Black woman to be given a space that has previously been occupied almost exclusively by white men. As such, this exhibition is significant not only for Black photographers, but for everyone more used to being treated as the object than the artist or curator in spaces like this where many people don’t feel welcome or simply don’t exist. As trivial as it may sound, visibility comes from being able to hang pictures on a wall—or write these lines.

Joy as an act of resistance. Nadine Ijewere belongs to a generation of artists and creatives who have realized that there are more options than simply following the traditional path. Knowing that society has long since changed—even if many gatekeepers in fashion, art, and the media still cling to the status quo—this DIY generation is creating its own platforms to elevate their own role models with an army of loyal followers. In their work, representatives of this generation create worlds that rarely center Eurocentric beauty norms. The same goes for this young British artist, whose work shows people in all their beauty and uniqueness. Her photographs regularly appear on the pages of British, American and Italian Vogue, i-D, or Garage, and she has collaborated with brands such as Nina Ricci and Stella McCartney. Ijewere proves that beauty is multifaceted and that fashion is fun and for everyone. 

More than a seat at the table. When artists like Ijewere make it to the top, it’s not because of nepotism, tokenism, or diversity as a trend, but despite all the obstacles that have been put in their way. And instead of assimilating after being accepted by the old guard, they continue to write their own rules. In Ijewere’s case, this means not only working with diverse models and teams, but also passing her knowledge on as a mentor to keep the proverbial door open. She’s less driven by the desire to stand out from the mainstream than she is to give back by inspiring younger generations, who are able to see themselves in magazines. “Within the time I have, I’ll use every opportunity I get and every space I can get into to expand the horizon of others.”

Representation matters. Celebrating Black people and people of color in a traditionally white space was also the goal of “Visibility is key – #RepresentationMatters,” a watershed moment for the German lifestyle magazine industry when it launched on vogue.de in spring 2019. The goal was to take first steps toward a forward-thinking future where inclusion and diversity would no longer be mere buzzwords, but lived practices. Part of that effort meant ensuring representation in front of as well as behind the camera. The results weren’t perfect and they might not have led to social change, but we proved that there isn’t a lack of creative talent among Black and Brown people in Germany. If anything, we proved that these talents are often denied the space to develop their full potential. 

Ideas for the future. As you see, dear reader, it takes teamwork to bring about long-term change, and for the first time the doors are open a bit. Nadine Ijewere's exhibition shows this, as does being able to write these very words in the C/O Berlin Newspaper. In the statements below, we asked German and international artists and creatives to envision a future where representation and inclusion are lived practices instead of rare exceptions. The results are ideas for a future that is reachable—as long as we all keep working towards it every day. Together.

Nadine Ijewere, artist Art is about art. It’s not about you personally. That’s why artists need to be seen as artists. We all get stereotyped and put into the same box—but we have our own identity. We are put into the same space just because we are Black, but we are all very different people.

Edward Enninful, OBE, Editor-in-Chief of British Vogue Nadine is one of the leading fashion photographers of her generation. She’s not only inherently British in her work, she’s also Black British. She really understands the complex mix of culture, fashion, beauty, and the inner working of a woman, so when you see her images, it’s never just a photograph. There’s also a story and a narrative behind it.

Benjamin Alexander Huseby & Serhat Işık, designers for the label GmbH Our work has always been about wanting to show our community and culture to tell our stories as authentically as we can. It was never about “diversity”, but about being seen. We want to create a world where not only exceptional Black and Brown talents no longer have to be truly exceptional to get recognition for their work, a world where we no longer are the only non-white person in the room because we built the motherfucking house ourselves.

Mohamed Amjahid, freelance journalist and author, whose book Der weiße Fleck will be published by Piper Verlag on March 1, 2021. It's time that Black women become bosses. Gay Arabs should get to call the shots. Refugees belong on the executive boards of big corporations. Children of so-called “guest workers” should move into management positions too. People with disabilities should not just have a say, they should make the decisions. Vulnerable groups deserve to put their talents and ideas to work in the service of the whole society. Not every person of color is automatically a good leader by virtue of their background, but all-white, cis-male executive boards are certainly incapable of making decisions that are right for everyone. That’s why we need more representation at the very top, where the decisions are made.

Melisa Karakuş, founder of renk., the first German-Turkish magazine For a better future, I demand that we educate our children to be anti-racist and to resist when others or when they themselves are subjected to racism. I demand that discrimination is understood through the lens of intersectionality and solidarity! I demand that even those who are not affected by racism stand up against it! This fight is not one that we as Black people and people of color fight alone—for a better future, we all have to work together. 

Tarik Tesfu, host of shows including the NDR talk show deep und deutlich When I look in the mirror, I see someone who grew up in the Ruhr region and loves currywurst with French fries as much as Whitney Houston. I see a person who has his pros and cons and who is so much more than his skin color. I see a subject. But the German media and cultural system seem to see it differently because far too often, Black people are degraded and made into objects for the reproduction of racist bullshit. I'm tired of explaining racism to Annette and Thomas because I really have better things to do (for example, my job). So get out of my light and let me shine.

Ronan Mckenzie, photographer The future of our industry needs to be one with more consideration for those that are within it. One that isn’t shrouded in burnout and the stresses of late payments, and one that doesn’t make anyone question whether they have been booked for the quality of their work or to be tokenized for the color of their skin. The future of our industry needs to go beyond the performative Instagram posts and mean-nothing awards, to truly sharing resources and lifting up one another. Our industry needs to put its money where its mouth is when words like “support”, “community” or “diversity” slip out, instead of using buzzwords that create an illusion of championing us. How there can be so much money in this industry yet so many struggle to keep up with their rent, feed themselves, or just rest without worrying about money is truly a travesty. If this industry is to survive then we who make it what it is need to be able to thrive.

Ferda Ataman, journalist and chair of Neue deutsche Medienmacher*innen A recent survey of the country's most important editors-in-chief revealed that many of them think diversity is good, but they don't want to do anything about it. This is based on the assumption that everyone good will succeed. Unfortunately, that’s not true. It’s not just a person’s qualifications that are decisive, but other criteria as well, such as similarity and habit (“XY fits in with us”). It's high time that all of us—everywhere—demand a serious commitment to openness and diversity. Something is seriously wrong in pure white spaces that can’t be explained by people’s professional qualifications alone. Or to put it differently: a good diversity strategy always has an anti-racist effect.

Nana Addison, founder of CURL CON and CURL Agency Being sustainable and inclusive means thinking about all skin tones, all hair textures, and all body shapes—in the beauty industry, in marketing communications, as well as in the media landscape. These three industries work hand in hand in shaping people’s perceptions of themselves and others. It’s important to take responsibility and be proactive and progressive to ensure inclusivity.

Dogukan Nesanir, stylist  The current system is not designed to help minorities. By giving advantages to certain people and groups, it automatically deprives others of the chance to attain certain positions in the first place. That's why I don't even ask myself the question "What if?" anymore. My work is not about advancing a fake worldview, but about highlighting all the real in the good and the bad. I strongly believe that if some powerful gatekeepers gave in, if representation and diversity happened behind the scenes and we had the chance to show what the world REALLY looks like, we wouldn't be having these discussions at all. I don't just want an invitation to the table, I want to own the table and change things.

Arpana Aischa Berndt & Raquel Dukpa, editors of the catalog I See You – Thoughts on the Film “Futur drei” In the German film and television industry, production teams and casting directors are increasingly looking for a “diverse” cast. Casting calls are almost exclusively formulated by white people who profit from telling stories of people of color and Black people by using them, but without changing their own structures in the process. Application requirements and selection processes in film schools even shut out marginalized people by denying them the opportunities that come with being in these institutions. People of color and migrants as well as Black, indigenous, Jewish, queer, and disabled people can all tell stories, too. Production companies need to understand that expertise doesn’t necessarily come with a film degree.

Vanessa Vu & Minh Thu Tran, hosts of the podcast Rice and Shine  It may be convenient to ignore entire groups, but we are and have been so much more for a very long time. We contribute to culture by making films or plays and bring new perspectives to science, politics, and journalism. We’re Olympic athletes, curators, artists, singers, dancers, and inventors. We dazzle and shine despite not always being seen. Because we have each other and we’ve created opportunities to do the things we love. We’ve created platforms for each other and built communities. Slowly but surely we are finally getting applause and recognition for the fact that we exist. That's nice. But what we really need is not just the opportunity to exist, but the opportunity to continue to grow and to stop basing our work primarily on self-exploitation. We need security, reliability, and money. That's the hard currency of recognition. That would mean being truly seen.

*Black is a political self-designation and is capitalized to indicate that being Black is about connectedness due to shared experiences of racism.

Written by: Alexandra Bondi de Antoni & Kemi Fatoba C/O Berlin Magazine April 2021

[doublekrecs]

haikyuu fic rec list!!

karasuno

kageyama tobio

NO by @hokageyamatobio (one-shot)

warnings: none

the infamous setter asked for your help to study and get better grades, you just didn’t expect to fall for him in the process.

hate sex by @ahegaobaku (one-shot)

warnings: smut, degradation, spanking, biting, hate sex

in which you and your ex express a mutual hatred by using your bodies.

personally. By @bunmilks (one-shot)

warnings: angst

kageyama doesn’t seem to care at all, whereas you care too damn much.

sawamura daichi

sugawara koushi

aoba johsai

oikawa tooru

hit me up by @akaashichigo (finished series)

warnings: profanity, sexual jokes & references but no actual n/s/f/w

you leave argentina unsatisfied from the failure of your little quest despite having a last minute retry. just when you’re about to give up, a relatively attractive guy comes up to you asking the same thing you’ve been asking for the past week. conveniently enough, that wasn’t the last time you saw him. sm!au

just until i win by @kurooskult (ongoing series)

warnings: small amount of angst

being a co athletics trainer for a national team proves to be a job that requires a lot of effort, persistence and dedication. just like your long term relationship with a member of a rivalling team. keeping your relationship with world famous athlete oikawa tooru under wraps is no easy challenge but with the olympics fast approaching and fans watching their favourite players every move, you both agree that it’s best you both try your hardest to keep your relationship out the public eye for now. after all, the obstacles of hawk eyed fans, unaware rivals and invasive media attention can’t be too hard to avoid. right? sm!au

gekkan shoujo oikawa kun by @inarzki (one-shot)

warnings: none

oikawa has feelings for his volleyball club’s manager, and he isn’t very subtle about it. unfortunately for him, his charm doesn’t work on her. she’s completely oblivious to his advances, reducing him to embarrassment every single time (the third years find great joy in their captain’s misery.) oikawa finds that he is unable to stop himself from falling into her unknowing traps over and over again.

oikawa touching his s/o in a team dinner by @honeyvanilla-hq (drabble)

warning: smut

last time by @karasu-hoes

warning: smut, car sex

iwaizumi hajime

hey there, roomie by @myherowritings (one-shot)

warnings: none

after being set up on a bad date with ushijima, he insists on walking you to your doorstep. not wanting him to know where you live, you lead him to iwaizumi’s apartment and pretend iwaizumi is your roommate. college!au

operation: SEX GOD by @writeiolite (one-shot)

warnings: smut, degradation, cum eating, spit play?, cunnilingus, dirty talk, power play, unprotected sex

thinking he’s too vanilla, you make it your mission to improve your roommate’s sex life. you couldn’t have been more wrong. roommate!au

puppy love by @fukuronani (ongoing series)

warnings: none

soulmate where you can write/draw on your skin, it appears on your soulmate’s skin too. in this case, you communicate with your soulmate in your mother tongue for fun. it’s fun to write certain phrases in filipino. soulmate!au, filipino!reader, sm!au

shiratorizawa

ushijima wakatoshi

eita semi

nekoma

kuroo tetsurou

rent free by @marigoldthoughts (ongoing series)

warnings: swearing, sexual innuendos

you’re karasuno’s second year manager who starts crushing on nekoma’s captain. your friends worry that you’ll end up hurt much like the last time you were interested in a third year. do you care? sm!au

hey, rachel by @noya-sannnn (ongoing series)

warnings: cursing, suggestive themes

two months ago, life was so much simpler for the karasuno second year l/n f/n; she had all the friends she needed and everything was as calm as a serenely flowing river stream. but after her father gets promoted for a job in tokyo— therefore requiring her whole family to move— life goes awfully to shit. just imagine this: barely succeeding at making new friends AND having to deal with a fuckface of a neighbour who ‘bullies’ her for everything she does. oh, and did i mention that he calls her rachel? sm!au

just us two by @jinkicake (one-shot)

warnings: smut, daddy kink, oral (m receiving), public sex, penetration

kuroo loves to fuck you under the lights of his favorite club.

special stream by @cosmic-goddess-leo (one-shot)

warnings: smut, exhibitionism, masturbation, toys

kuroo finds out his roommate is a cam girl. camgirl!au, roommate!au

chemistry by @seita (one-shot)

warnings: smut, mutual/pining, dom!kuroo, dirty talk, handjob (kuroo fucks your fist), pet names, praise kink, mild dacryphilia, multiple orgasms, light degradation, overstimulation, pussy slapping, squirting

you’ve got a steady, fun fwb relationship with a science nerd in your class, kuroo. after being paired up with a project with him, feelings start to develop due to the overwhelming chemistry between the two of you.

kozume kenma

boo you whore by @sushimii (finished series)

warnings: angst

the first words your soulmate says to you appears on your wrist from birth. in (Y/N)’s case, she never expected to find hers through a twitch stream, especially when the streamer is someone she hates. sm!au, enemies to lovers!au, soulmate!au

fukurodani

bokuto kotaro

akaashi keiji

now live: pretty boy_05 by @starboybokuto (one-shot)

warnings: smut, fluff, pet play, dirty talk, degradation, praising, some dumbification, exhibitionism, senpai kink, lowkey hard dom!akaashi, after care on cam

after getting suspicious about his impressive income as a college student, your best friend tells you about your new boyfriend's side-job and when you decide to confront him, akaashi finally finds the courage to tell you about his little hobby. camboy!au, college!au

inarizaki

miya atsumu

pseudo love by @kei-kui

warnings: some manga spoilers, angst, drinking, cursing, suggestive

hot-shot volleyball player miya atsumu just can’t seem to get those pesky gossipers off his back. his solution? fake date someone so they’ll shut up about him being a playboy. but there’s only one problem- atsumu doesn’t know anyone who would want to pretend to be in love... sm!au, roommate!au, fake dating!au

miya osamu

itachiyama

sakusa kiyoomi

sakusa loves to please you by @jinkicake (one-shot)

warnings: oral (f receiving)

sakusa gives you head for the first time.

pegging sakura by @sunnyshoyou (one-shot)

warnings: pegging, dirty talk, degradation

clean by @jackrrabbit (one-shot)

warnings: masturbation (m)

sakusa can’t stop thinking about you in the shower

a quiet sort of love by @watevermelon

warnings: none

manager to the fukurōdani volleyball club, there was no doubt that itachiyama’s sakusa kiyoomi was a strong ace. he brought your team to their knees on multiple occasions, but what you were not expecting was getting to know the nationally acclaimed spiker beyond just the titles and labels.

headcanons

fancy dinner date!! (ft kageyama tobio & akaashi keiji) by @sckusa

haikyuu boys meet your parents for the first time!! by @sugawaraxo

daichi with an s/o who has big boobs by @miinaashido

thigh kisses by @miinaashido

kenma having a crush on the team manager by @miinaashido

creampie headcanons (ft ushijima, oikawa, atsumu, osamu, kageyama, akaashi) by @vinncent

kuroo's crush on the karasuno manager by @peach-pops

dominant s/o (ft. oikawa, suga, bokuto) by @hikyoo

last updated: 8/9/20, more to come!!

[hotspringfairy]

February 3, 2021

I'm so over it.

My best friend and I have been living with his parents for a year and a half. They're letting us stay in their basement for no rent, just contributing to household expenses. We asked if we could do this in order to save up enough money to pay off our debts (except student loans) and save up to buy our own house together. We were just feeling very stuck after being forced to move from a house we had been renting at a reasonable price for 5 years- rent prices had gone up crazy high in that time and we ended up in an over-priced apartment for a year out of desperation, really only making enough to cover our bills.

I must start by saying that this is ridiculously generous of them. I don't regret this at all, it's given me and my best friend that little leg-up that we desperately needed. And living with them hasn't been as bad as I thought it might be (I've known them for like 12 years now- they can be . . . difficult).

So yes, I'm incredibly grateful for my situation, now on to the bitching lol

I tried in the beginning to keep our food a little more separate. However, my friend's mom really wanted us to combine groceries and to cook for us. I gave in pretty quickly to what she wanted, mostly because I don't have a choice.

They absolutely suck at cooking vegetables, which is an extra shame because I freaking love veggies! If soggy, over-boiled, and unseasoned mush is what people think vegetables are like, than I totally get the hate! I wouldn't eat that shit! I don't eat that shit! Idk how many nasty vegetables I've tossed in the trash over the past year. They won't even toss them on a baking sheet for goodness sake.

I started listing all the ways that my kitchen access is limited, but it was getting way too long lol the dynamics in the house are difficult to explain. I'm going to cut it down to this: the dad gets very weird about food and often pushes food on us and wants to have unnecessary conversations about food. He does not like more than one person being in the kitchen at a time (even if there's plenty of space). He is uncomfortable around me, and I try to be respectful and give him his space- I don't want to intrude, especially considering their generosity.

I also don't like having to interact with them (or anyone at all) when I'm in "alone-time mode," so I often won't go upstairs much on the weekends because of that. Pretty much every day they watch their grandkids, who are awesome, but kids are certainly not my thing and they make me uncomfortable. When the kids aren't over, they're often arguing, and if I hear them literally yelling at each other I won't go upstairs.

That's the short (but unfortunately still way too long) version of some of the issues I'm having with food at this house. They often make food for me that I don't want, and I often feel like I can't prepare my own food.

Last night I munched out on snacks instead of having dinner, which made me go way over my calorie goal range. I was having a rough day, like guys, I forgot to put on makeup before work yesterday. I've never in my whole life forgotten to put on makeup and I've never been to this job without at least my cover-up on! It wasn't a big deal, but it's not like me to forget that, I was really out of it yesterday. I'm not ok. I've had a lot on my mind, good and bad. Anyways, I just really needed to relax by myself after work.

My friend had gone to the store for us and gotten me cheese tortellini that he knows I like, kinda as a treat for me. He even bought pesto and Alfredo sauce so I'd have 2 sauce options (I recently haven't been able to eat tomatoes- like not even a bite of something with even dehydrated tomato on it or I will vomit- idk why, but it's been an adjustment for me since apparently EVERYTHING HAS TOMATOES IN IT).

His parents made the tortellini, and then mixed them with tomatoes. Not even marinara sauce, just bland-ass canned tomatoes. Didn't cook them together either, but apparently they had to be stirred in. So everyone else had that. I needed time to myself and they not only had a toddler running around, but they were also being overbearing. And I'd already been intruded upon downstairs twice. So I stayed downstairs and ate the snacks I had there and took care of myself.

It wasn't the best decision. I should have made myself real food. But I just could not muster the mental energy to deal with them. It was the best I could do for myself yesterday.

So I'm super frustrated. I feel like I went over on my calories directly because I don't have a kitchen I can use without getting hassled, and I just wasn't up to getting hassled. I think this has been an unfair obstacle for me on an already very difficult journey.

Until now I've been able to skate by. With so much weight to lose, I really don't have to do 100% to see results. However, my weightloss is slowing to an absolute crawl, and I can see that my downstairs-binging is holding me back. But it's so unfair to expect myself to do better given the circumstances. And we're moving really soon, I'm not 100% sure when, but in the next few months.

I just have to hang in there and keep doing my best. I'm trying to balance holding myself accountable for bad choices, but also not beating myself up for making not the best decisions when I'm in not the best situations. Today I feel both that I am making excuses when I should accept that I could and should have done better, and that I'm being too harsh on myself given the circumstances. Not sure how I'm managing both of those.

First time in a long time that I've had to battle this much negative self-talk. But good on me for shutting that shit down fast.

[kasdeyathebitterwoman]

A Ninja Warrior Love Story - Part 1

Welcome back to the world of Lily and Henry! Honestly, I have no idea how I ended up deleting my old account, but I’m genuinely more upset that I had no backups of my original work. That aside, I am beginning the slow process of rewriting my original series, A Ninja Warrior Love Story. I hope you enjoy it! 

Let me know of any other imagines or one-shots you’d like to see! Also, if you’d like to be added to the tag list, just send me a message!

CW: none

Word Count: 2,230

The Story: Lily is a single woman working at a parkour gym when she meets Henry Cavill. Are they meant to fall in love or is it just a one-time thing? 

At 4:30 in the morning, Lily’s alarm went off. She rolled over in her small bed and smacked her alarm to turn it off. Groaning, Lily pushed herself out of bed. With two steps, she cleared the small apartment bedroom and entered the even smaller bathroom. With the efficiency of a well-known routine, Lily got dressed in simple workout clothes. She glanced in the mirror to see a tired face looking back. For the past six months, she had been working hard to earn extra income so she could afford time off and a plane ticket to see her best friend at college. So far, it wasn’t really working out, but she had been able to save some money.

Once dressed, Lily dashed out to her beat-up old truck right outside her apartment. At 4:45 am, no one was out on the roads, so she wasn’t concerned about being late for one of her three jobs. Lily worked at a gym - not just any gym though. This was a Ninja Warrior gym. About four years ago, Lily met the gym owner, Donovan, who offered her a chance to work out at his gym. He remembered her from her track days and wanted someone to open his gym in the mornings since he was, in his words, allergic to any time before nine am. Lily quickly and easily agreed and almost immediately found herself in a world of her wildest dreams. She loved working out and training on the courses there and even considered applying to be on the show one day.

Five minutes to 5 am, Lily pulled up to the Hustler Ninja gym in Taylor, Texas. Taylor was about 45 minutes outside of the DFW area. It was basically the middle of nowhere with one good Walmart, a ghosted - albeit historic - downtown square, and surprisingly a very fancy looking Hilton resort. The keys jangling in the lock, Lily opened the gym and began turning on the lights. Donovan rented the building which was incredible in size. Large enough to house two ninja warrior obstacle courses, a half rock wall in the back, a decent-sized free-weight section, and even an outdoor mini-course. The whole place was huge and everything Lily wanted in a gym. Within two months of working there, she’d been promoted to assistant manager. She was here every Monday through Friday from 5-9, then Monday through Thursday, she went to work at her uncle's barbershop. Finally, on Fridays and Saturdays, she worked at one of the three bars in town to earn as much extra income as possible.

After dropping her gym bag in the locker room, Lily stepped out into the gym and looked around. Donovan and Daniel, or The Dude, did a good job cleaning up last night. It was actually a little surprising considering they rarely did any cleaning. Lily usually spent most of her time cleaning up after everyone. Weird. Regardless, she enjoyed the reprieve and made her way to the free-weights to start a warm-up. After 15 minutes, she was ready to begin her real training. It started with the salmon ladder followed by a few balance obstacles and finally ending with a grip training on the waving board. She was enjoying herself and almost didn’t hear the front door open again. Glancing over, she saw a tall, long-haired figure striding past her towards the locker rooms.

“Morning, Dude,” she called out. The Dude smiled and waved at her and continued on to the locker rooms. A few minutes later, The Dude appeared ready to go in long shorts, a fitted t-shirt and his long hair pulled back in a low ponytail. The Dude was the only guy Lily could think that could pull off the man-tail well. He saddled up to her and watched her jump down from the wave board.

“Morning Luck,” The Dude said to her. Lily groaned and rolled her eyes.

“Can’t anyone forget about that?!” she asked, jumping down off the raised platform and stood next to him. In comparison, Lily looked relatively tiny. Where she was about 5’5” of lean muscle, The Dude was 6’4” of muscle and weight. He got his nickname from his long hair and easy-going attitude. The Dude laughed, throwing his head back a little.

“Nope, it was too adorable,” he replied, making Lily roll her eyes even harder. “So you excited about tomorrow?” he asked when he finally stopped laughing. Lily looked at him confused.

“What’s happening tomorrow?” she asked in response to his question. The Dude looked down at her stunned.

“Tomorrow? The big celebrities are coming by the gym to check it out?” he said as if she should know already. Lily continued to look surprised by his information. “It was in the email that Donovan sent like, two weeks ago.” Lily scoffed.

“You are aware I haven’t actually checked my email since probably about 2016, right?” This time The Dude rolled his eyes at her.

“Aren’t you a manager here or something?” he asked. Lily laughed.

“Or something,” she replied. The Dude laughed with her.

“Girl, get it together,” he said, gently pushing her shoulder. “Tom Cruise and that guy that played Super Man are coming by to check out the gym. They need parkour training and Donovan is going to teach them.” Lily’s eyebrows shot up.

“Are you serious?” she asked. Tom Cruise was major. She remembered watching some of his old movies with her dad. Suddenly a pain gripped her chest and she forced herself back into the present.

“100% serious,” he replied. Lily was shocked. She definitely needed to check her email more often. They stood there talking about their favorite Tom Cruise movies for a few minutes when the opening of the front door caught their attention. Much to Lily’s surprise, her old “friend” Celeste walked in the door. Celeste was a tall beauty with olive skin, long brown hair, and stunning green eyes. She had on a matching navy blue sports bra and leggings which showcased her olive skin perfectly. Her brown hair was pulled back into a tight, clean ponytail and even from the distance she was at, Lily could tell the woman was wearing makeup.

“Well I’ll be damned,” The Dude said under his breath. Lily watched incredulously as Celeste found them and made her way across the room to them.

“Hey guys!” she said awkwardly breathlessly as she stopped just short of the two of them. The Dude and Lily exchanged a look before turning back to Celeste.

“Hey Celeste,” The Dude said cautiously. Celeste gave him a wide, fake smile that made Lily’s intestines turn. “What brings you back to the gym? We figured you didn’t have a membership anymore.” He didn’t have to look at Lily to know what she was thinking. Celeste waved her hand dismissively.

“No, silly,” she started. “I just took a few months off; went back to Cali for a few weeks; saw my brother in New York,” she made a point to look directly at Lily. Lily immediately dropped her gaze and felt her ears grow warm with embarrassment. The Dude cleared his throat.

“Sounds fun,” he said, disdain evident in his voice. Celeste picked up on it and smiled warmly.

“I just wanted to come back and get back into my routines,” she said. A thought occurred to Lily and her eyes shot up.

“You were hoping to see one of those celebrities,” Lily said, more accusation in her tone than she meant. It didn’t matter because she was right. It was evident on Celeste’s face. Celeste shifted in her spot.

“No, of course not, why would I be excited to meet a celebrity? I’ve met dozens of them already,” Celeste replied. Lily smirked realizing she’d made her uncomfortable.

“They’re not here,” Lily said, causing Celeste to look her in the eyes. “They won’t be here until later.” Lily glanced over at The Dude to see if he would correct her. He didn’t.

“Oh, okay,” Celeste said, glancing around the empty gym. “Well, I guess I’ll go get ready to work out then. It’s been great catching up with you two,” and with a small smile and shoulder shrug, Celeste bounced off to the women’s locker rooms. The Dude and Lily watched her leave and once she was safely away in the locker rooms, Lily looked directly at The Dude who shared a similar look.

“Fuck,” she sighed.

—

At around 8:30, Lily dashed from the gym floor to the locker rooms. She quickly showered and dressed in her usual barbershop attire: dark jeans, a blue or gray t-shirt, and her black and white Converse. Her general wardrobe consisted of these same pieces, with a few variations in the mix. She walked out of the gym to find The Dude helping another regular, Megan, on the rock wall. Though he was tall, The Dude was nimble and able to understand situations that required a certain skill. She walked over to them.

“Watch your heels, Rapunzel,” Lily called out to Megan. Her nickname came from the fact that Megan had insanely long blonde hair. It was beautiful and well-kept, but extremely long. Lily loved it. Megan grunted in response and did her best to heed Lily’s advice, but unfortunately couldn’t quite get it. She stumbled backward and landing on her feet on the mat. Groaning, she turned around to Lily and The Dude.

“I’m never going to get it,” she said with pained certainty. Lily smiled at her.

“You’ll get it,” she said. “You just have to stop pushing it and start feeling it,” she looked over at The Dude who was rolling his eyes at her.

“Haha, very funny,” he said, making Lily and Megan laugh. Lily smiled at The Dude.

“Well, I’m out y’all,” she said waving at both of them. Megan and The Dude waved back and Lily headed out to her truck. It was a very old, very beaten blue Chevy Silverado. It was actually her dad’s, but he had no need for it any more, so Lily got it. One of the few good things her dad did for her. She climbed in, started the loud engine, and puttered off into town.

The barbershop where she worked was in the historic downtown square of Taylor. Her uncle Ray owned the shop and had for several decades. Ray was an older, stout man of 60. He had a decent sized beer belly, a handlebar mustache, and piercing blue eyes. Ray wasn’t actually Lily’s uncle, but he was as close to one as she could get. He took care of her during her senior year of high school and later on when she returned from college to find nothing and no one waiting for her.

Parking her car just outside the shop, Lily got out and darted across the empty street to the diner. Inside, she ordered four cups of coffee to go and a few donuts for everyone. When she got her order, she once again crossed the empty street and walked into Ray’s shop. A few regulars were sitting in their respective stylists' chairs. Lily’s station was towards the front. She pulled a cup of coffee out for herself placing on her station, then went around the room handing the other cups of coffee out. Everyone greeted her with kindness and respect. They knew what she had been through with her parents.

Once everyone had their coffee, Lily settled in at her station and waited for her first customer, Mr. Ortiz. At 9:15, Mr. Ortiz hobbled into the shop and straight to Lily’s station. She jumped up and vacated her chair for him. He sat down and told her he wanted the usual, which for him meant a general trim of his hair and beard. Lily immediately got to work and 45 minutes later she was done and checking Mr. Ortiz out at the register. She sat back in her chair after cleaning up the area and decided to check her email. It was overflowing with spam and other junk, so she specifically searched for the email from Donovan. It was there postmarked two weeks ago. She opened it.

Hello team,

I hope this email finds you well. I want you to be the first to know that I have accepted the chance to teach and train two actors for an upcoming movie. They’ll be filming the majority of it in Texas, Oklahoma, and New Mexico, but we are one of the best-rated ninja warrior/parkour gyms in the country (go figure!). That means they will be here for a while getting the hang of certain moves and choreography.

The two actors in question are Tom Cruise and Henry Cavill. They are going to be here on Wednesday, the 17th at 7 am. We all know Lucky doesn’t read any of these, so someone please tell her. Other than that, you are all amazing!

Best,

Donovan Troy

Lily rolled her eyes at the line that she wouldn’t read the email. Though it was true, she hated how easy it was for him to read her. Anyway, she easily recognized Tom Cruise and could think of several movies she had seen him in. But, who the hell was Henry Cavill?

----

@taglist:

@maeleeme

[foreverlogical]

To battle the economic crash from the coronavirus pandemic, Congress is sending Americans cash. The deal just hammered out will send $1,200 to every adult making under a certain income threshold, and $500 for every child. But will the money actually get to everyone?

In many cases, it turns out, it could take weeks or months. And many of the poorest and most vulnerable Americans will face further difficulties once the check arrives.

"The Treasury Department is expected to begin directly depositing checks within a few weeks of the bill's passing," The New York Times reported. "But mailed payments will take one or two weeks longer, Republican Senate aides said Wednesday." It sounds like the mailed checks, for individuals who don't have bank information already on file with the IRS, could take up to two months, and earlier reports suggested they could take up to four. And that time frame doesn't even get to the question of people who may be too poor to have filed taxes, who may move a lot, or who may not have reliable housing, and whose address has to be pieced together from Social Security data or the Veterans Administration.

Meanwhile, one out of every four U.S. households either has no bank account or has real trouble accessing one, which adds further hurdles to actually being able to use the money. "You'll have to cash that check, and take that cash and put it into a money order again to pay your bills," Mehsra Baradaran, a professor at the University of California at Irvine who studies banking inclusion and inequality, told The Week. That process will impose further fees, not to mention the costs, time, and effort required to physically go from the check casher to the utility and landlord's offices to pay bills and rent.

Senate Democrats, including Sen. Sherrod Brown's office, tried to do something about this. Baradaran helped Brown draft a provision that would give any American who needed it a free banking account — available at any local bank or post office — in which the $1,200 aid could be directly dropped. Others in the House, like Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich.), have their own proposals to do something similar. Ultimately, none of this made it into the Senate deal, which has now passed the House and is headed to President Trump for signing. But Brown and Tlaib have also introduced their proposals as standalone bills. And we really need to fix this, for both moral and economic reasons.

Around 8.4 million U.S. households (or 6.5 percent) are "unbanked," meaning they have no bank account at all. Another 24.2 million households (18.7 percent) are "underbanked," meaning they technically have a bank account but have real difficulty using it. As Baradaran explained, low-income Americans' finances don't mesh well with banks' business models, which are designed more for the steady income flows of the middle class. Less fortunate Americans are constantly hit with fees for things like overdrafts or not having enough money in their accounts. Nor are they particularly profitable for banks, so many institutions have simply abandoned those communities, leaving people with either no banking option, or a branch that's 50 miles away. Regulations used to require banks to keep a branch in every community, but those rules were dismantled in the 1990s, and "those voids were filled with payday lenders and check cashers" as Baradaran put it. Those outfits charge even more onerous fees and interest rates for their services.

Imagine the U.S. payments system as three concentric networks, with each network serving different groups — and each of very different quality. The innermost circle links the Treasury Department and the Federal Reserve with the major private banks, and those banks to each other. This network can settle transactions extremely fast, say three to five days. (There are efforts afoot to get this down to 24 hours or less.)

The next network out is essentially the public-facing side of the private banking system — it's what connects individuals and households and businesses to the banks. This is the network that can get everyone their direct deposits in a few weeks.

This situation is already rather remarkable, since we have a public system — the first innermost network — that no one but big private banks are allowed to participate in. Meanwhile, private for-profit banks get the privilege of being the middle-man between that public system and the actual public. "There's no reason banks should be that middle man unless they're mandated to give everyone an account, and they're not," Baradaran noted.

Things are even worse out at the fringes of the circles of inclusion. That's the third network that serves the unbanked and the underbanked and people less directly tied into the second network. This is where people have to wait two months for a check in the mail, cash it with a bank if they're lucky, and otherwise go through the whole obstacle course of check cashers and payday lenders and money orders.

At a minimum, we should plug the people in the third fringe network directly into the first, which is what Brown's bill would do. Under that proposal, when your check got mailed to you, you could pick it up at the post office and open a simple banking account — free, no fees, no minimums — that would plug you directly into the Fed and Treasury Department's payment system. You could cash your check right there and use the money via a debit card that would come with the account, without dealing with any profit-seeking third parties.

Providing a public option for basic banking services via the U.S. Postal Service is an idea that's actually been floating around for a while — in fact America did do that, from 1911 to 1966. (There are also proposals to just give every American an account with the Federal Reserve directly.) Baradaran said her "dream version would be every post office would have this option" — i.e. use this scheme to take every American in both the second and third networks, and plug them directly into the first, innermost network. But Brown's more limited bill would've at least plugged the third network's unbanked and underbanked into that first inner network.

Admittedly, this wouldn't completely solve the initial problem of how fast the checks go out. But it would help, and it would end the obstacles and exploitation that marginalized Americans face when using the money. And if Congress needs to authorize more of these payments — which will almost certainly be needed — the bank accounts will now be in place.

Tlaib's bill is even more ambitious: It would give every American a pre-paid debit card that would plug directly into that inner network, and that Congress and the Treasury Department could automatically refill with money whenever they wanted. In fact, Tlaib's proposal called for four payments of $2,000 each to every person of all ages. "It's trying to provide a novel infrastructure through the pre-paid cards, to get past the limitations of direct deposit or mailing checks," Rohan Grey, president of the Modern Money Network, who helped Tlaib's office draft the proposal, told The Week. (News reports tended to ignore this aspect of Tlaib's bill, focusing instead on its unusual financing mechanism: have the Treasury Department mint trillion-dollar coins and deposit them with the Fed to avoid having to issue new debt.)

The U.S. government already uses similar debit card systems for programs like food stamps, so the basic infrastructure is in place. Between mailing the cards and making them available for distribution at banks and post offices and schools and the like, Tlaib's proposal might actually have been able to get the first payment out even faster. And again, further payments would be automatic, and the debit card system could be integrated with a postal banking public option or Fed-accounts-for-all down the line.

Unfortunately, as I mentioned, none of these ideas made it into the final package. It's not clear why, but we can speculate: lobbyists for industries like payday lenders have clout on Capitol Hill, and these proposals would be an existential threat to their industry. For the moment, the ease and reliability of that inner network remains a privilege reserved for the powers of the banking and financial industries, while we mere citizens have to deal with the private banking system on its terms — and the least fortunate among us are left out in the cold entirely.

Many of the millions who have already lost jobs probably need money now. Even people who still have jobs, but who don't earn much, face a coming cascade of hardships, from the need for food, rent, utility bills, and more. (The government also didn't do itself any favors by making the money means-tested, which will add further time for government agencies to calculate what everyone is owed.) Millions of human beings will suffer because of the delay. Meanwhile, the longer it takes for that money to hit people's pocketbooks, the more time there is for the negative feedback loop of job loss leading to less spending leading to business closures leading to more job loss to build on itself, deepening the hole the economy will eventually have to dig out of.

But Congress can always pass more bills, and by all accounts the coronavirus crisis will last long enough that political pressure for more cash aid to average Americans will likely become overwhelming. The sooner we can stand up a fast and simple public banking option for all, the faster we can get aid out to everyone — both in this crisis and the next.

Want more essential commentary and analysis like this delivered straight to your inbox? Sign up for The Week's "Today's best articles" newsletter here.

VISIT WEBSITE

[quarterfromcanon]

2019 Fic Writing Roundup

I was tagged by my lovely friend @catty-words.

Total 2019 Word Count: 58,159

Total 2019 Hits: Asdfghjkl; Oh gosh, it’s much harder to tell when the work is only on Tumblr!  I’ll tally up the notes from there to get the closest approximation I can. It looks like there are 174 total (a mix of likes and comments) on the pieces that I posted from this past year.

Other 2019 AO3 Stats: N/A, although I did finally join AO3 *this* year, so next time around there’ll actually be things to put here! :)

Total 2018 Word Count: Published? None. I think I might have tried writing a little bit of something for myself somewhere in there, but I didn’t get back to any kind of public fandom writing until 2019.

Total 2018 Hits: None. What a difference a year can make! I look forward to comparing 2019 to whatever’s yet to come in 2020!

Other 2018 AO3 Stats: N/A

links and titles to 2019 works

Oooh, this is actually a good opportunity to list them chronologically rather than in publication sequence. Let me see if I can get them sorted. (If, however, you’d prefer to read them in the order that they were published, you can click here and simply open the installments in reverse, since Tumblr displays things oldest-to-newest.) All of the following were written for the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend fandom and feature Heather x Valencia as their central pairing.

1. Barrier  [1,385 words] - Following where we last saw them in 1.09, Josh and his friends continue their beach day now sans Rebecca’s presence. Consequently, Valencia’s critical eye falls on the only other woman in their company - Heather.

2. Unexpected [3,003 words] - The conclusion of 1.18 leaves Valencia with a lot of emotional baggage to unpack. As one of West Covina’s most frequented locales, Home Base is the first place that springs to mind where she might chase away her sorrows (or perhaps just air them out verbally while all other involved parties are away at Jayma’s wedding). Heather finds herself pulled into comfort and commiseration despite her efforts to avoid involvement.

3. Lost Control and Tumbled Overboard Gladly [3,265 words] - Heather goes to her parents’ home for the first holiday visit since moving out on her own. She has her new friend Valencia in tow. Sincere conversation and the rare allowance of vulnerability break down Heather’s walls with an ease that takes her by surprise.

4. Such Sweet Nothing [1,362 words] - Valencia and Heather return to V’s apartment after their Labor Day afternoon of story-swapping and quality time together. Valencia revels in the joyful acquirement of the second gal pal of her adult life. Heather contends with the dawning realization that her interest in Valencia may not be purely for friendship.

5. There’s A Reason Not to Want This (But I Forgot) [2,418 words] - Internet sleuthing with Rebecca pulls Valencia right back into a Josh fixation spiral. Heather must also face some unresolved feelings: namely, a crush now so intense it can no longer be denied.

6. Habits [3,599 words] - The desire to protect Valencia’s heart overrides the instinct to shield her own, and so Heather ends the self-imposed avoidance of her company. She arrives on V’s doorstep with a helpful cover story and some unfortunate news that needs to be broken gently.

7. I Want Not to Want Anything [1,314 words] - Heather Davis gets Santa Ana Winded.

8. Breathless [3,673 words] - A talk with Heather about Rebecca’s impending marriage to Josh leads Valencia to reassess what matters to her. A rosé-fueled jaunt to a local green space gives rise to the persistent inkling that what - or rather who - she really wants may be a lot closer to her than she’s ready to admit.

9. No One’s Really Got It Figured Out Just Yet [3,289 words] - Valencia throws the bachelorette party for Rebecca. Gurl Group antics and H+V flirting tactics set to hits from the mid ’90s and 2000s ensue. 

10. Evading [2,207 words] - In the wake of events from 3.05 and 3.06, Heather and Valencia have a much needed heart-to-heart. They put some important truths into words while treading lightly around a few unspoken facts so delicate they’re best left in the margins.

11. How Long Do You Plan to Keep Me at the Back of Your Mind? [2,442 words] - An evening welcoming Valencia’s girlfriend Beth to be an honorary member of the Gurl Group doesn’t go quite as smoothly as planned when Heather has a difficult time harnessing her lingering feelings.

12. You and Me, Always Between the Lines [1,828 words] - Now that she has spoken with all of her immediate family members and closest friends, Valencia is prepared to announce her first romantic relationship with a woman on social media. In Beth’s absence, she seeks the moral support of her best friend. Heather is readily by her side for this next big step in Valencia’s coming out journey.

13. Gradation [2,503 words] - Valencia’s time with Beth is at an end and, in her hour of heartbreak, she returns to the same place for comfort as the previous occasion when she found herself suddenly single: across the bar from Heather.

14. Rough Draft [2,625 words] - Valencia and Heather FINALLY get together. Valencia experiences her own “Oh My God, I Think I Like You” freak out.

15. Strategy [1,212 words] - Heather and Valencia have a stay-at-home date night featuring deliberately cringey pick up lines and tangled limbs on a couch in the dark.

16. Verity [3,834 words] - Heather temporarily resumes her role as Valencia’s assistant coordinator when they plan a vow renewal celebration for Paula and Scott. On this night, the recently remarried couple may not be the only two pouring out their hearts in a room full of loved ones...

17. Different and the Same [1,035 words] - Valencia and Heather just moved into their own place. They spend their first morning there together and make good use of the privacy and freedom this new residence affords.

18. Finishing Touches [1,157 words] - Heather and Valencia personalize the interior of their new living space. The situation soon devolves into paint-splattered hijinks.

19. Patterns in the Light [1,058 words] - Despite the fact that they are literally cohabitating and have professed their feelings for each other, Valencia remains a clumsily flirty nerd and I love her for it. Heather does, too.

20. Sage [1,324 words] - After being trapped in a car with someone she didn’t want to be trapped in a car with, Heather returns covered in a dead woman’s ashes. Valencia’s time as a ghost-beleaguered home energy cleanser has arrived at last. She is uniquely qualified to save the day.

21. Portage [1,707 words] - Heather has plans for a couple’s trip with Valencia. The only obstacle is keeping it a secret between the two of them.

22. The Courage and the Strength I Need [1,957 words] - Valencia struggles during Heather’s business trip because it is their first time apart since becoming a couple. They FaceTime to ease the pain of distance and talk about their future.

23. Wanna Be With You All Alone [1,237 words] - Heather comes back from the aforementioned work travel to find that Valencia has made special welcome home arrangements.

24. Midnight, Fright and Candlelight [1,426 words] - A quiet evening is interrupted by a power outage. Heather and Valencia find a surprisingly wholesome and G-rated way to pass the time. 

25. Next to You [1,550 words] - The big yearly Davis Family Reunion quickly approaches. Valencia prepares to accompany Heather to this event and be introduced to many members of her extended family.

26. Warm Whispers [1,683 words] - Heather and Valencia just want to be all cute and domestic and spend the morning fooling around. Their cats disrupt these pursuits in typical feline fashion.

27. “When We’re Together, Darling, Every Night Is Halloween.” [1,228 words] - Heather and Valencia get ready to attend a Gurl Group Halloween party. Their second annual couple’s costume? Gomez and Morticia Addams. 

28. #afewofmyfavoritethings [2,838 words] - Nathaniel, Rebecca, Valencia, Heather, Paula, Scott, and Tommy all rent a cabin for vacation. This piece follows them through a day of wintertime fun. Pure fluffiness here and I had the best time writing every second of it.

Favorite Fic: Probably #afewofmyfavoritethings. I packed it with elements I personally love and moments I was hoping my new friends in the fandom would like. Plus, it was honestly just so good for my soul to write these characters in a soft world where they could engage in classic snow day activities and enjoy each other’s company.

Hardest Fic: I knew there were a few installments of Femslash February where I wrote whole paragraphs or even pages I didn’t keep/decided to revise, but I was pretty sure I also remembered at least one where I wrote an entire separate piece. My sleep schedule was, shall we say, not advisable during February but it was also easily the most exhilarating month of my year. I tracked down the evidence of that rewrite and it turns out the incident I recalled was for Unusual Kiss (the prompt for Day 4 of FF). The original involved something to do with butterfly kisses because, evidently, my inclination to link Valencia to winged beings knows no bounds. I’ve got to admit that I’m still fond of the concept of Valencia giving Heather a subtle “kiss” during a hug in that painfully frightening time before Beth when she was afraid to outright kiss a woman in any way that couldn’t be dismissed as platonic. There’s a good chance an interaction of that nature could appear somewhere in the full story. I am notoriously drawn to that angst period of undisclosed pining so the temptation is quite strong. Still, I’m glad I used the version I actually posted and saved elements of the first draft for later. Fragments of their conversation from the original will probably make it into the final tale, but I think I prefer to sprinkle them across several exchanges instead of divulging them all at once.

Do You Plan to Take Prompts in 2020? Sort of yes and sort of no. I am participating in the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Valentine Exchange, which involves a prompt-esque note from the participant each of us were assigned as our guide to spark inspiration for the gift. It’s also possible that there’ll be some writing prompt list posted somewhere along the way just like Femslash February was last year, and I’ll end up wanting to join the fun. Other than that, though, I’ll mainly stick to the one writing project in an effort to hone my focus.

What was the best thing about 2019? I’d definitely say the bonding and interactions with other members of the fandom. The encouragement and support I received from them remains the primary motivation for me to keep writing and chasing after the ongoing goals I set for myself.

What was the worst thing about 2019? The most honest answer that my mind immediately supplied is death of a close relative. While that isn’t the sole reason for the dip in my creative output (especially since there were multiple months between my last published fic and the passing in question), I know it could certainly be counted among the contributing factors to an overarching writing problem I had. Even before my family’s loss, there was a shift in my thought process that only got worse once there was more on my plate in my personal life. There were many times I sat down wanting to write again but it felt too difficult and intimidating to commit words to the page. I couldn’t seem to transfer them from my mind to the keyboard and I’d invariably switch to doing something else. I developed this terrible internal conviction that insisted the larger fic I wanted to write wouldn’t work as well as the shorter installments. That gnawing insecurity would have me believe one month’s worth of well-received efforts was already such a marvel that anything beyond that point was somehow pushing my luck. Where did the mental voice originate and why couldn’t I shake it? It’s difficult to parse out but what I do know is that I’ve firmly decided 2020 is going to be a year I put it on silent. I know what it’ll mean to me for everything that’s been floating in my head to finally be told in one cohesive format, and to have the satisfaction of giving my favorite characters the ending my heart says they deserve. It’s a sense of closure that’s worth the pursuit.

Any last thoughts for 2019? The bad parts of the last twelve months made me want to essentially say “good riddance” to the year, but the good parts were far too treasured to wish all of 2019 away. I am so grateful for the new people I met and friendships that solidified during that time. I especially owe my most heartfelt appreciation to @catty-words, @notbang, and @monaiargancoconutsoy. Thank you for everything. <3

Goals for 2020

Finish. The. Fic.

I believe everyone I know who writes fanfic has already been tagged but, if you haven’t gotten the chance to look back over your writing year, by all means, use these questions to give it a go! :)

[9uk]

From The Bottom of My Heart

cr

⌲ summary : maybe you and Jungkook, through heaven or hell, have always meant to stay close to each other.

⌲ pairing : bully!jungkook x reader

⌲ word count : 3.6k

⌲ genre : angst, fluff idk

⌲ warnings : mentions of past abuse, xoxo

⌲ a/n : this is what y’all hoes wanted hehe, so here it is. Happy New Year’s in advanced! also, happy birthday taetae <3

**Spin-off from my series Let Me Stay Close To You. If you haven’t read it, I’d suggest you read it first to have a better understanding of the context of this story. Read it here.

It's that time of the year again—where gifts are exchanged and gingerbread houses are made, where evergreen conifers are decorated with ornaments hung by the overly-excited children and the smell of Ceylon tea, baked  potatoes and ham fills the kitchen. Everyone gathers around the fireplace and share their strange or ridiculous encounters over the year, laughters bursting and smiles everlasting while the star ornament sits on top of the Christmas tree gently, shining.

At least that's what you think Christmas is like, and should be.

In the sad world of reality, you have always spent the festive occasion coped up in your mother's café, selling log cakes and butterscotch cookies, telling kids to be careful with the hot chocolate you have just created and handed over to them.

It's the season when the shop is exceptionally busy, with overflowing customers who have foam gathered on their upper lips as they chat with joy over a cup of peppermint mocha latte.

It's supposed to be a wonderful period—well at least for you this year.

You are thousands of miles away from that crusty coffee place your mother runs, and you have completely forgotten about everything you've painstakingly memorised on the Christmas menu.

When you first received a hug from Sooyoung in what seemed like decades, the gesture ignited a small thought at the back of your head, that Christmas this year was going to be a little less lonely and spiced with fun instead. Who would have thought that friendships can appear as strong steel bridges of bonds, but yet so easily snap like a wooden plank.

With the money you received from your parents and the pay you get at that greasy restaurant, you were able to rent a not too shabby apartment a few streets from the university. But the fact that you are now living alone, that's the part that creeps into your late night thoughts at times.

You clearly remember Jungkook bugging you with an undefeated persistence to get your ass to the Christmas party Taehyung holds every year.

"C'mon, it will be fun. I promise, you have me!"

He knows what you have in mind, that all your friends have left your side and you would feel like a total loser and loner at the party.

Ex-friends, you mean.

If it weren't for them, you wouldn't have attended a single party at all.

He continues nudging your arm and whining for what seems like the nth time. "Please-"

"Okay, okay."

He looks at you with those big round glossy eyes you can't say no to. "I'll go."

And that is why you are currently freaking out over what to wear to the party. If only Sooyoung was—nevermind, screw that.

You fish out a random black dress from your closet and headed out before you changed your mind.

Being alone is no obstacle to you. It was being alone at a party that frightened you, it was a place where you are supposed to enter with friends—to be able to slowly fit into the crowd and be comfortable with the atmosphere in the house.

However, you were feeling jittery—much more than when you are called out to present your answer in front of the whole class. You didn't realise how accustomed you were to Sooyoung's constant bubbly presence beside you, not until this day. The party had just begun a while ago, and you hoped your entrance would hold the least significance to anyone in there, and you brushed off the thought of everyone's eyes on your weird form. That brat Jungkook had told you that he'd be waiting for you inside, and made you come to the party all by yourself.

What were you so afraid of anyway?

Maybe a couple of rumours had been spread between the ladies, and they would send you judgemental looks—but you were very used to it since the start, so why are you being so self-conscious right now?

Nonetheless, you picked up the phone and decided to dial someone—correction. The only one who you acquainted with in this college and is still on good (but strange) terms with you.

It was clear as day and green as grass that Namjoon has begun to harbour an interest much more than just physical attraction for you. During occasional study dates and the tutoring he offers you, you never once failed to catch him staring at you at least twice. You were pretty sure that there weren't any vegetable stuck between your teeth or crumbs on the corner of your lip though.

"What?" You look up to meet his eyes.

"What?" The both of you chuckle at the same time when he immediately shoots the question back at you.

"Why're you looking at me like that?" Namjoon is rendered speechless, it was almost as if all the excuses for him gawking at you in this manner had transformed into useless brain juice.

You were so far the first and only person who didn't judge or criticise him based on his looks. You even thought he was handsome and told him that straight in his face, and it made him wonder if you had standards lower than hell. "Nothing much, I-I think you look gorgeous today." He quickly averts his gaze to the homework before him, pretending to scribble somehing just to avoid your eyes and hide his blush. You shift your chair closer to him and lean in towards his face. "So...you mean only today?" You purposely pout.

His head shoots up, flabbergasted and he instantly corrects his words. "No! I mean—"

A cheeky smile grows on your face to replace the initial pout and you reassure him, "I'm just kidding, relax."

Namjoon's lips part slightly before he shakes his head and grins at your antics.

Namjoon informs you of his boredom and agrees to go with you to the party.

As expected, the house is filled with people for the alcohol here is free. In the stressful life of books and papers, who wouldn't mind a shot of tequila or two?

Namjoon is the gentleman that he is, offering you a ride to the venue but you politely decline. Instead, you choose to make your way over alone and meet him at the party itself. Having him accompany you was more than enough.

Your hand is on the handle of the front door to Taehyung's house and you cannot help but shift your weight nervously between your two feet. For some reason, the loud noises travelling from the inside are making your breath quicken and the overthinking to get to the better of you. You really hoped that not a single person would be attracted to your tiny appearance at this major party. It was then you realised how much Sooyoung and friends made you feel comfortable attending a huge party like this, they held your hand and gave you the much assurance you needed—that you were not alone.

And now you're back to square one.

What if everyone was playing games and having fun but suddenly upon your arrival the music dies down and all heads would be turned towards the main door with faces glaring at you?

Even though that is something that least likely would happen, you still prepare yourself for an unfortunate event like the aforementioned, or the worst that could happen. Right, just retreat and go home to the comfort of your laptop and bag of chips. And probably never face anyone in school ever again. Jesus Christ, the more of you think about it, your grip on the door handle is beginning to loosen and you would really be in bed in no less than a second. And your hesitance would result in a disappointed Jeon Jungkook.

Wait no, your meekly absence would never disappoint anyone.

You're not that important in such annual affairs.

You're not Regina George or something.

Now you feel stupid in this over-planned outfit and your makeup feels too extra.

You're just a loser with like barely any friends. Get it together. Why did you even agree to come? Just because Jeon Jungkook begged at the minimum? And he's nowhere to be seen. Just text Namjoon you're not feeling well, perfect excuse. You should have just remained at home where-

"Y/N!" The dark oak door suddenly flies open causing you to jump a little. His eyes are wide and shining with excitement, the dimples and wide grin supporting the assumption.

"How long have you been standing there? Come on in!" Namjoon is acting more like the host of the party than Taehyung is with the lovely invitation.

After he takes a proper look at you, his tongue darts out to wet his lips and he reaches out to intertwine his hand with yours to pull you into the house.

To say that you were merely overthinking would be an understatement.

Everybody was minding their own business, whether you stepped foot inside or not.

No one even acknowledged or is aware about your presence.

Except for a certain someone.

Namjoon is still holding your hand in a gentle yet possessive way, and he is different today for an unknown cause.

His confidence is exceptionally striking today and is clearly radiating off him. He is finally able to raise his head to meet the eyes of people with ease.

The way he waves and firmly greets an acquaintance walking past him and makes his way through the group of people in this place— makes you smile involuntarily, for you recall he first time you met him, when he didn't even have the courage to lift his head to face you.

He leads you to an empty spot and cages your head between his both palms fixated onto the wall. Namjoon looks just about ready to devour you whole there and then.

"Someone's...confident tonight." You quirk a brow up and place your hands on his hips to pull him a little closer.

Nothing but an innocent gesture.

Teasing him was fun and you both enjoyed it. Your touch sends him groaning softly to himself and he tries to resist from kissing you there and then.

"Look princess," He calls lowly, "Let's take things slow tonight."

It was the first time he has ever called you by that pet name and you must admit you're rather turned on—no, taken aback, you mean. Right, just surprised.

The feeling of someone intensely staring is doing nothing but growing stronger with every inch Namjoon is gradually closing between your faces. It felt like sharp daggers shooting right at the both of you at that moment and it made whatever you were doing become uncomfortable.

For you were under the predatory gaze of someone.

Suddenly, when Namjoon's lips finally bump into yours, you felt like he was too close for your liking.

You had no idea why you were feeling and acting this way, but you pushed his body away from yours. He panics and questions if he has crossed the line worryingly. "No, no, sorry I need to excuse myself to the washroom. " You desperately wave both hands to assure that it had nothing got to do with him—but you.

It didn't feel right at all.

And with that, you hastily left his side, dashing upstairs to god knows where.

You're in search of a balcony or some sort, a quiet area that gets your fresh air and being alone.

Maybe it was too much to take, with how Namjoon was acting so boldly, and how things would escalate to another level once you give him consent. You also did not wish for the friendship to be left in shattered pieces after the both of you do something friends should not do.

Maybe he was stepping on the line, and you were decisive enough to push him further from it—but not enough to tell him. It would bring his well built self-esteem down. If you were going to reject him, you would have to do it properly and respectfully.

[20:44] Me: hey joon, i'm sorry. i needed to leave because something cropped up at home. the next ben & jerry's will be my treat. see you ard

You switch off your phone and tuck it away into your small bag.

You had just so happen to find a balcony when you randomly entered one of the rooms upstairs. Lucky for you, there weren’t any people banging the life out of each other in the bedroom you selected. You quietly shut the door close behind you as your eyes roam around the four walls.

On the dresser, there is a picture frame of Taehyung with his family at highschool graduation. You waltz your way over to the family portrait and pick it up carefully.

You swipethe layer of dust coating the glass with your finger and Taehyung and his family smiling brightly can be seen clearly.

He hasn’t changed much, boxy grin and cresent eyes still intact.

There is a sense of longing and envy blooming in your heart, and it clenches tightly, sourly.

You never had the blessing to be able to spend your graduation day with your family, the entire school is clueless that you even have a father. You lived your teen years in shame and hiding. It’s a pity because you did not have the opportunity to take pictures like Taehyung did in the open field, throwing his hat up to the sky and receiving flowers from his parents. Placing the frame down gently, you went to the balcony and closed the curtains for privacy in case anyone happened to come in to disrupt your moment of peace.

“What the hell are you doing?” Taehyung snatches his wrist away from Jungkook’s hard grip. He slams the door shut and confronts Taehyung. “Were you the one who invited that Namjoon guy?”

He furrows his brows at his friend, beyond agitated.

“Who?!” Taehyung questions back. “I don’t even know who-”

“Then do you know where Y/N is?” Jungkook prompts again, desperate.

“And how would I know that? You were the one secretly staring at her ever since she came in.” Taehyung had a point. But right when he saw Namjoon approach you, and you willingly went along to wherever he brought you—he couldn’t bear to just watch and not be able to do anything. Just then, a random girl went up to him and tried her luck—but obviously to no avail. After he shrugged her pestering, you were nowhere to be seen. Namjoon too, had disappeared somewhere else and he started growing worried. Had Namjoon managed to get you to his place?

“Ah…” He plops down onto his friend’s bed and tugs at his hair in frustration. The thought of Namjoon having his way with you and all to himself makes him boil in anger. He thinks you don’t deserve Namjoon, who has tried his shot with almost every girl—yet at the same time he thinks he is unworthy of you as well.

There is an inner conflict going on between his heart and mind. Was it really right to have someone he did not deserve at all? Will he even manage to get closer to you, open up your world and heal the both of your broken hearts together? Jungkook is capable at countless things—except you.

You were the enigma in his life, so forbidden and mysterious that he really wants to connect and share a special bond with you. He doesn’t say it aloud, but you meant a lot to him in a way or another.

“Something bothering you?” Taehyung probes, folding his arms trying to figure out his bestfriend.

“How…How do you confess to someone?”  

The question comes out as a shocker to Taehyung, but he is willing to help his friend out in a time of crisis for such a matter.

“Ha! You’ve came to the right person.” Taehyungs face beams with delight. “First,” He reaches out to grab Jungkook’s hand and interlace his fingers together with his. “Hold her hand. Properly, tightly. To show that you’re genuine in your confession. Also, to show how serious and certain you are about her.” Jungkook’s face contorts in disgust at the sight of Taehyung being a cheesy romantic. “Then,” He pulls Jungkook up from his bed and leans into his ear. “Look her in the face and tell her every word from the bottom of your heart. The words you’ve been wanting to tell her but never got the chance to..” Jungkook is frozen stiff with his bestfriend demonstrating on him. But Taehyung doesn’t stop.

He leans in close and pulls Jungkook into a tight hug. “Hug her! It must be tight as well, so that she can feel the affection you are trying to show.” Taehyung squeezes Jungkook and squeals happily for him. “Get off me! You’re squashing me dude!” Jungkook almost couldn’t breathe and Taehyung pats his back before stepping away. “That’s about it, there can be bonus if you want.”

“Nope, I’m good.” Jungkook smiles and pushes Taehyung to at least an arm’s length away.

“Back to real talk though, it’s Y/N isn’t it?”

“Did someone call me?” You emerge from the curtains through the balcony sliding doors, pretending to be oblivious. Jungkook presses his lips into a line and looks down at the floor, embarrassed to the sky. Taehyung notices and quickly announces that he has to host the party.

You carried on with your act, seeing as to how flustered Jungkook was becoming.

“I thought Taehyung called me.”

“No.” Jungkook hides his hands into the pockets of his jeans to appear collected, but truth is he was hiding how shaky and nervous he was around you—and the possibility that you had just heard their entire conversation.

“Is that so?” You doubt. Jungkook doesn’t reply, only giving you a nod of affirmation. “Well if that is so, I’ll make my leave.”

You smile at him and head for the door. Jungkook’s mouth open slightly.

“Wait, Y/N!”

The feeling of his fingers softly wrapped around your wrist is unexplainable—unlike the past, this time he holds you with care and a mindfulness to not hurt you in any way.

You spin around to face him.

“Uh, yes?”

Jungkook had always known you were decent looking, but this time you looked extraordinarily beautiful. The way you looked at him through your long lashes, the faded cherry lip tint you had on, your rich long locks falling over your shoulder and the mini black dress that hugged your figure so perfectly your cures were on display—you were the epitome of perfect, looking so endearing in a simple outfit as such and he swore to the heavens he would take immense care of you if you were ever in his arms. The scar doesn’t go unnoticed by him, and his stomach twists in an unpleasant manner at the sight of it. He is still unable to accept how he treated you in the past, and he hates himself more than anything for it—he wishes that you would at least grant him a chance to make up for his wrongdoings.

There is a need surging throughout his body, into his legs; stepping closer to you, into his hands; coming up to run his fingers through your hair and hold your face in place, and his face; diving in recklessly to smash his lips onto yours.

Maybe you thought that he would go according to Taehyung’s plan—confess then give you a a warm hug. But this wasn’t what you were expecting at all. 

Jungkook kisses you like it was the last time when it’s only the first, he tilts his head and meld his lips feverishly with yours. It feels like forever with the way he is kissing you, so slow and intimate yet so hasty and desperate. You are able to feel the feelings he is trying to convey through this intimacy—filled with regret, want and a sense of belonging. You belonged to him. Back then, now and in the future. Always. 

You wrap your arms around his waist and pull him in closer, mouth opening to grant his tongue access. He smiles into the kiss for a split moment before his tongue is darting out to swirl messily with yours, causing you to moan softly in his mouth. His grasp on your jaw doesn’t loosen and he bites down onto your lower lip before reluctantly pulling away.

A glow of red starts creeping onto his cheeks when the both of you look at each other, faces shy yet hearts pulsating with happiness.

You are the first to break the silence, smiling up at him, “That was…” You couldn’t bring yourself to say it. Everything between you and Jungkook had gone through mountains and seas, but this time—it escalated quickly to a whole new level. It was too much to accept at the moment, but it felt great with him for some reason. The both of you, so unfamiliar with each other’s worlds, yet understanding them to a depth no one outside can reach. There was still much to learn about each other, but you already felt this inseparable connection with the man standing before you.

You allow yourself to bury yourself into his chest and muffle your giggles, and he encases you in his muscular arms in a way never before. Hugging him made you feel complete, like two hearts that were finally pieced together as one. It provided you with a warmth so peculiar and never felt before. It felt surreal, almost akin to a dream.

He strokes your hair lovingly and places a firm yet chaste kiss on the top of your head. “Let me stay close to you Y/N,” He nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck. “For a long, long time…I will love and take care of you all my life.” 

You smile and flutter your eyes close, waddling aimlessly around the room with arms around each other basking in the shining moonlight—never wanting to let go of each other.

[turtle-paced]

Revisiting Chapters: Brienne II, AFFC

Brienne’s storyline is so underrated.

The story so far…

After a few quick inquiries in King’s Landing, Brienne’s search for Sansa Stark has brought her to the town of Duskendale, chasing up Dontos’ family connections.

Duskendale

This chapter is mostly set in the town of Duskendale, outside of which the chapter actually begins. We’ve heard about Duskendale before in the story. It’s the town by which a third of Robb’s infantry was massacred as part of the preliminary Red Wedding plans.

It’s a walled port town, and as we pick up, Brienne’s waiting to get through the gates. Duskendale, as Brienne describes later, is built around its harbour. There are chalk cliffs to the north and a rocky headland to the south, providing shelter from storms. The castle (the Dun Fort), overlooking the port, is visible no matter where you are in town. The streets are cobbled, narrow, and crowded. When Brienne gets to the biggest inn in town, it’s a big one - four storeys. Then she goes to see a tradeswoman to have her shield repainted, at a house with a truly gorgeous-sounding door.

They showed a castle in an autumn wood, the trees done up in shades of gold and russet. Ivy crawled up the trunks of ancient oaks, and even the acorns had been done with loving care. When Brienne peered more closely, she saw creatures in the foliage: a sly red fox, two sparrows on a branch, and behind those leaves the shadow of a boar. 

Damn. Someone can paint.

So we get a picture of town life, in some small degree. There’s a clear distinction between most farm folk - at town to sell their produce - and wealthier townsmen. The latter own decent horses. The market itself is interesting, as not only produce is on sale. Even here, in what is apparently a peaceful and prosperous town, we see the aftereffects of the war.

Others were selling arms and armor, and very cheaply to judge from the prices they shouted out as she rode by. […] Brienne walked her horse past mail shirts still caked with brown blood, dinted helms, notched longswords. There was clothing to be had as well: leather boots, fur cloaks, stained surcoats with suspicious rents. 

When Brienne departs Duskendale towards the end of the chapter, she passes the actual battlefields. The northerners are buried in a mass grave in the area.

Above the cairn that marked their resting place, the victors had raised a rough-hewn wooden marker. HERE LIE THE WOLVES was all it said. 

We also learn from the holy brother at the Seven Swords that the nearby lands have been attacked twice over:

“Do you serve some holy house in Duskendale, brother?” 

“’Twas nearer Maidenpool, m’lady, but the wolves burned us out,” the man replied, gnawing on a heel of bread. “We rebuilt as best we could, until some sellswords come. I could not say whose men they were, but they took our pigs and killed the brothers.”

The violence here is also getting worse, from the sounds of that. Not because of the armies, but because of the sellswords Tywin hired and did not exercise adequate control over. All the treachery and war is rebounding mostly on the people who live in these regions, and things are breaking down. One of the young men Brienne passes on the road offers to sell her his sister.

As an armed person, Brienne draws suspicion, especially with her Lothston-painted shield from Harrenhal, until the gate guards realise she’s a “wench.” This is not the first time we’ve seen Brienne encounter credibility issues because of her gender. This will not be the last.

We also get quite a bit of history. Duskendale used to be run by the Darklyns, now extinct. Seven members of House Darklyn joined the Kingsguard over the years, more than any other house. The Darklyns used to be kings before the Andals showed up. Most interesting, though, are the details of the Defiance of Duskendale. There’s a little bit of “as you know” to this section, never the smoothest exposition, but it’s still an interesting story.

“For half a year Aerys was held within these very walls, whilst the King’s Hand sat outside Duskendale with a mighty host. Lord Tywin had sufficient strength to storm the town any time he wished, but Lord Denys sent word that at the first sign of assault he’d kill the king.”

This dramatic stand-off was broken only when Ser Barristan snuck in and rescued Aerys (and we’ll see what Ser Barristan thinks of his actions in hindsight). Denys Darklyn surrendered, but this is Aerys we’re talking. He had Denys and all his relatives killed, and most of the Hollards too (which is how Brienne got onto this topic with the Dunfort’s maester in the first place), but Barristan asked that the child Dontos be spared. On account of him being a child, the son of a man who had died a few years before.

Who’s to blame for all this, according to the locals?

“’Tis Lady Serala that they blame, his Myrish wife. The Lace Serpent, she is called. 

[…]

The Lace Serpent was burned alive, poor woman, though her tongue was torn out first, and her female parts, with which it was said that she had enslaved her lord. Half of Duskendale will still tell you that Aerys was too kind to her.”

The foreign woman! Of course!

The chapter concludes as Brienne takes shelter in the ruins of House Hollard’s castle.

ts triple towers were grey granite, like the broken walls, but their merlons were yellow sandstone. Three crowns, she realized, as she gazed at them through the rain. Three golden crowns. This had been a Hollard castle. Ser Dontos had been born here, like as not. 

It bears out what the maester told her. There’s nothing for Dontos in Duskendale, and even less for Sansa.

The Search for Sansa

The very first obstacle Brienne encounters in looking for Sansa is overcoming her own shyness. Turns out being constantly mocked for one’s appearance does very little for one’s self-esteem and confidence in social situations. Brienne shows as much courage in this regard as she does in every other, and asks. Because she has to. Unfortunately, then she runs into another problem. The people she asks want to know if Brienne’s “sister” has a name. And Brienne blanks.

“No name? Well, the roads are full of nameless girls.”

“The lichyard’s even fuller,” said his wife.

That is a problem indeed. Brienne is searching for one girl amongst thousands of displaced, unaccounted-for, unidentifiable people. Nor can Brienne even give as much information as she might like, because Sansa Stark is still wanted by the crown for her involvement in Joffrey’s murder.

That becomes very much apparent when Brienne shows up at the Dun Fort and ends up speaking to the castle’s maester.

When he heard the name Hollard, the maester frowned with irritation. “How often must I sing this song?” Her face must have given her away. “Did you think you were the first to come seeking after Dontos? More like the twenty-first. The gold cloaks were here within days of the king’s murder, with Lord Tywin’s warrant.”

At the moment she’s just following the steps others have taken. The official purpose of the search for Sansa is to return her to King’s Landing.

There’s still the question of where Sansa went. The maester of the Dunfort tells Brienne in no uncertain terms that Duskendale is not a good bet.

“To my knowledge [Dontos] never returned to Duskendale, and why should he? He held no lands here, had neither kin nor castle. If Dontos and this northern girl helped murder our sweet king, it seems to me that they would want to put as many leagues as they could betwixt themselves and justice. Look for them in Oldtown, if you must, or across the narrow sea. Look for them in Dorne, or on the Wall. Look elsewhere.” 

Brienne’s thoughts on this conclude that Sansa would not have gone to strangers. Where, then? Sansa’s a bit short on family these days.

The Wall was too far, surely, and a bleak and bitter place besides. And to reach Riverrun the girl would need to cross the war-torn riverlands and pass through the Lannister siege lines. The Eyrie would be simpler, and Lady Lysa would surely welcome her sister’s daughter... 

Good thinking, Brienne. But before she can pursue this, she’s told of a fool near Maidenpool, trying to avoid Randyll Tarly’s soldiers, and looking for passage across the Narrow Sea. She decides to follow that lead instead.

Worth noting is that Brienne’s generosity is apparent throughout her search. She buys the holy brother crab stew, bread, and wine; she pays the painter half again what they’d agreed. She’s kind to people.

In parallel to Brienne’s search for Sansa is Pod’s search for Tyrion, kicked off in this chapter. Brienne first spots Pod outside Duskendale’s walls, “a skinny boy on a piebald rounsey.” Brienne literally runs into him inside Duskendale, and thinks him familiar at that point. This is where the readers first get the idea that this might be Pod:

He scrambled to his feet. “F-f-forgive me. My lady. I wasn’t looking. I mean, I was, but down. I was looking down. At my feet.” The boy took to his heels, plunging headlong back the way he’d come. 

There’s only one character we know who stutters like that.

Pod keeps following her, catching up when Brienne makes camp in the ruins of the Hollard castle. Brienne confronts him, and we get the confirmation that this is Pod. She also sees herself in him rather quickly.

“Not puh-puh-please.” He stuck a finger in his mouth, and flicked away a clump of mud, spitting. “Puh-puh-Pod. My name. Puh-puh-Podrick. Puh-Payne.” 

Brienne lowered her sword. She felt a rush of sympathy for the boy. She remembered a day at Evenfall, and a young knight with a rose in his hand. […] All she had to do was welcome him to her father’s castle. He was eighteen, with long red hair that tumbled to his shoulders. She was twelve, tightly laced into a stiff new gown, its bodice bright with garnets. The two of them were of a height, but she could not look him in the eye, nor say the simple words her septa had taught her. Ser Ronnet. I welcome you to my lord father’s hall. It is good to look upon your face at last. 

We don’t even need to hear the rest to know that this went badly. But we do hear the rest, later. Brienne doesn’t need anything more than Pod’s stutter to feel for him, but Pod gives her more.

“Why are you stalking after me?” she said. “What do you want?” 

“To find her.” The boy got to his feet. “His lady. You’re looking for her. Brella told me. She’s his wife. Not Brella, Lady Sansa. So I thought, if you found her...” His face twisted in sudden anguish. “I’m his squire,” he repeated, as the rain ran down his face, “but he left me.” 

That’s the end of the chapter, but what else could Brienne do but take him along? Pod is looking for someone just as she is, for reasons very like her own. Of course she takes him with her.

Questgivers

Behind Brienne’s quest are the people who gave it to her, and it’s well worth checking in with how she feels about them. We see Brienne’s loyalty to Catelyn more than once this chapter, first when Brienne prays for Catelyn and Robb and all the Northerners killed at Duskendale. She recaps the conversation Catelyn had with her following the reports of Bran and Rickon’s deaths accurately, and recalls the pain she saw in Catelyn. Even then, Brienne policed her own reaction, to give comfort to Catelyn, for fear that Catelyn would reject her.

She had sounded as if a knife were twisting her belly. Brienne had reached across the table to give her comfort, but she stopped before her fingers brushed the older woman’s, for fear that she would flinch away. 

This conversation is now even sadder than it had been in the first place. I know, right.

We also see, quite clearly, that Brienne has become seriously attached to Jaime.

There were pine and linden shields to be had for pennies, but Brienne rode past them. She meant to keep the heavy oaken shield Jaime had given her, the one he’d borne himself from Harrenhal to King’s Landing. A pine shield had its advantages. It was lighter, and therefore easier to bear, and the soft wood was more like to trap a foeman’s axe or sword. But oak gave more protection, if you were strong enough to bear its weight. 

It’s not just ‘the’ shield, or ‘her’ shield, it’s ‘the shield that Jaime gave her’. The first thing she thinks of in regards to said shield is that Jaime gave it to her. The second thing she thinks of is that Jaime used it himself. And then she gets to its merits as a shield. Which, you know, it might well be worth keeping the shield for itself, but just as clearly there are other considerations in play.

She’s got honest respect for Jaime’s ability to fight.

Jaime tried to kill me, she remembered, though he was gaunt and weak, and his wrists were chained. It had been a close thing, even so, but that was before Zollo hacked his hand off. 

Not without acknowledgement of his own shortcomings, because Brienne is good at fighting, and can spot a weakness in an opponent.

“Men will always underestimate you,” he said, “and their pride will make them want to vanquish you quickly, lest it be said that a woman tried them sorely.” She had learned the truth of that once she went into the world. Even Jaime Lannister had come at her that way, in the woods by Maidenpool.

Her regard for him is not to say that all of her memories of Jaime are fun or comfortable.

Feral dogs had skulked along behind their horses, whilst swollen corpses floated like huge pale water lilies atop the spring-fed pool that gave the town its name. Jaime sang “Six Maids in a Pool,” and laughed when I begged him to be quiet. 

Here, Brienne was and still is distressed by Jaime’s reaction to this carnage. But boy, does he ever figure into her memories. His reaction is still given a place of importance in that scene.

Moreover, we also see that Jaime has replaced Renly as an object of Brienne’s devotion. She walks out when she hears someone call him an oathbreaker in Maidenpool. And we also see that she’s fallen in love with him.

At Harrenhal the tubs had been huge, and made of stone. The bathhouse had been thick with the steam rising off the water, and Jaime had come walking through that mist naked as his name day, looking half a corpse and half a god. He climbed into the tub with me, she remembered, blushing. She seized a chunk of hard lye soap and scrubbed under her arms, trying to call up Renly’s face again. 

That night she dreamed herself in Renly’s tent again. All the candles were guttering out, and the cold was thick around her. Something was moving through green darkness, something foul and horrible was hurtling toward her king. She wanted to protect him, but her limbs felt stiff and frozen, and it took more strength than she had just to lift her hand. And when the shadow sword sliced through the green steel gorget and the blood began to flow, she saw that the dying king was not Renly after all but Jaime Lannister, and she had failed him. 

In both these passages, Jaime replaces Renly. The implications, I think, are clear.

Jaime and Catelyn are important to her in no small part because they showed her real regard (even if Jaime took time to get there). If there’s something we see again and again in Brienne’s story, it’s that people treat her like shit. We’ve already had Brienne’s thoughts on the origin of her shyness, and we’ve already seen the gate guards dismiss her because of her gender, now we get some flashbacks when a disabled septon treats her with kindness.

Many holy brothers wore such tonsures. Septa Roelle once told her that it was meant to show that they had nothing to hide from the Father. “Can’t the Father see through hair?” Brienne had asked. A stupid thing to say. She had been a slow child; Septa Roelle often told her so. 

We’ll be seeing Septa Roelle’s name quite a bit. She did a lot of harm to Brienne. 

She always thought [children] were younger than they were, perhaps because she had always been big for her age. Freakish big, Septa Roelle used to say, and mannish. 

Seriously, Septa Roelle is the worst.

We also get a flashback to one of Brienne’s engagements. Like her others, it didn’t go well.

Lord Grandison’s castellan had once made that error. Humfrey Wagstaff was his name; a proud old man of five-and-sixty, with a nose like a hawk and a spotted head. 

We see from this that Selywn Tarth was getting desperate to find Brienne a betrothal. Marrying his daughter, heir to Tarth, to a sixty-five-year-old castellan? That’s how badly her looks affected Brienne’s worth in the marriage market. It’s also worth mentioning that yes, this man’s name is Humfrey Dickwaver, and waving his dick is what he does.

The day they were betrothed, he warned Brienne that he would expect her to be a proper woman once they’d wed. “I will not have my lady wife cavorting about in man’s mail. On this you shall obey me, lest I be forced to chastise you.” 

Brienne, because Brienne is an absolute champion even if she doesn’t know it herself, comes back with something really quite awesome.

Yet somehow she had found the courage to tell Ser Humfrey that she would accept chastisement only from a man who could outfight her. The old knight purpled, but agreed to don his own armor to teach her a woman’s proper place. They fought with blunted tourney weapons, so Brienne’s mace had no spikes. She broke Ser Humfrey’s collarbone, two ribs, and their betrothal. 

Unfortunately, just because we can recognise Brienne mustering the courage to defend her own skills and insisting that any prospective partner treat her with respect is awesome, doesn’t mean that Westeros thinks it’s awesome. From that Westerosi perspective, it’s shameful how Brienne remains unmarried and continues to engage in physical fights.

As she rides towards Maidenpool, Brienne keeps asking the people she passes on the road. Again, she gets no useful information, but a lot of snickering.

Ser Shadrich had made her wary, but she had to keep on trying. “She may have been traveling with a fool.” But they only shook their heads and giggled at her behind their hands. 

If the reader thinks hearing “I’m looking for a maid of three-and-ten” is wearing, imagine how Brienne must feel hearing all that laughter in reply. Year after year after year.

Chapter Function

Brienne’s storyline as a whole will take us on a tour of the effects of war. We’re starting somewhere that’s more war-adjacent than war-torn. There’s still plenty of commerce in the area, even if a lot of that commerce is in used armour and weapons. But even in this place that has not been directly burnt out, we see refugees and mass graves. 

We also get a sampling of political and social opinions from several smallfolk, and they’re not all nice - we’ve got people who supported Aerys’ sexualised execution of Serala Darklyn, for instance, and then there are all those people who snigger at Brienne.

Speaking of people who laugh at Brienne, that’s a big point of the characterisation this chapter. Nobody’s going to take her seriously, and GRRM’s going to show us how miserable it is to be an unattractive woman who does not conform to gender roles in this setting. Which in turn starts showing us that Brienne is incredibly strong to keep going under this sort of opprobrium. It’s only some giggles, here, but as we keep going through her chapters we’ll start seeing more extreme reactions both around her and in flashbacks.

This chapter also sends Brienne on the path to Maidenpool, rather than travelling to investigate whether Sansa went to the Eyrie.

Miscellany

When Brienne asks Brella, one of the maids Tyrion hired, where Sansa might have gone, the woman identifies Sansa as a northerner without hesitation. She specifically points to Sansa’s devotion to the old gods as a hallmark of her loyalty.

When Brienne asks for her shield to be repainted according to a design she’d seen in her father’s halls, she asks for a design we’ve seen in the Tales of Dunk and Egg. On Dunk’s shield. Also worth mentioning in that regard is that Dunk’s social class is reflected in how he chose that design; Brienne notes that it’s more of a picture than a coat of arms. Lowborn Dunk didn’t have the education to tell the difference at that point.

It seems sadly quite likely that the holy brother Brienne encounters in this chapter (a little person) is the same man whose head is brought to Cersei in Cersei IV. Aside from his height, Brienne notes the man’s bulbous nose and sourleaf-stained teeth, plus we learn the man is heading to King’s Landing; in Cersei IV, Cersei notes the bulbous nose of the head, while the murderers report to Cersei that the man identified himself as a sparrow.

Pod refers to Tyrion as “the Hand.” When he says “the Hand of the King,” he doesn’t mean Tywin. Aww.

Clothing Porn

In a flashback, Brienne wears a gown that has a garnet-studded bodice.

Food Porn

The Seven Swords serves hot crab stew, fresh bread, and wine. Brienne buys hardbread, cheese, and flour for the road. One of these meals sounds tastier than the other.

Next Three Chapters

Jaime VI, ASoS - Tyrion VI, ADWD - Catelyn V, ASoS

Thanks to everyone who’s asked for chapters, and thanks for being patient! (These will be weekly again.) If you want to request a chapter, send me an ask. All I ask is that you have a specific chapter in mind and only ask for one at a time, please.

[jumpboy-rembrandt]

Rule of Threes

[a metafic about remmy rembrandt]

Nadiya thinks he’s a failure.

That isn’t even his imagination acting up; she said as much the first time they met. Rembrandt? You mean Christopher Rembrandt, the man who gave up a spot in the Olympics and then embarrassed himself on national television? Tragic.

Even though she isn’t his brother – she’s barely his friend – it melts down the back of his throat and coats his lungs, and the disappointment bounces around his head like the rubber balls he and Elijah used to hoard from the arcade down the road. Dump them out and watch them bounce, bounce, bounce across the kitchen.

Remmy liked to think of himself as a cool kid. He could do a backflip better than anyone else in his grade – taking gymnastics since age seven would do that – and he could kick anyone’s butt at Pokémon.

Simon Lawson didn’t think he was cool, though. Simon played hockey with his friends in the culdesac and read lots of books about space. One time he nudged a thick novel about Martian colonies into the aisle as Remmy was walking past, making him trip and spill his lunch tray. Simon though Remmy was weird, and Remmy’s friends thought Simon was a jerk.

Remmy didn’t really mind, though. He lived across the street from Simon and remembers when Mr. Lawson got offended about Remmy’s parents inviting Simon to come to gymnastics practice. Apparently, no one had ever told Mr. Lawson that boys were allowed to do gymnastics, and he got really upset when he was told otherwise.

It wasn’t Simon’s fault that his dad was so emotional. That’s why Remmy just sat up, scooped whatever he could back onto his tray, and turned to Simon with a sheepish grin to apologize for stepping on his book. Simon smirked at his friends, but Remmy knew that Simon snuck into his backyard sometimes to play on his trampoline. Maybe one day Remmy will come outside too and show him how to do a flip.

People aren’t mean for no reason. Sometimes you just need to figure that reason out, and be as nice as you can in the meantime.

That’s why Remmy knew that Nadiya wasn’t a bad person, and someday soon he’s going to find her trampoline.

One time in fourth grade, Remmy rode the swing until he got as high as he could and jumped. He went clear over Rosa’s head and hit the ground running, stumbling, falling into a puddle. The cold mud seeping through his clothes barely registered. He was giddy from his two seconds of weightlessness, flying through the air like a superhero.

When Remmy got accepted onto the Olympic team, it was just as euphoric. He felt like he was flying, flying, flying—

You don’t always land in a muddy puddle. Sometimes there’s just gravel that digs into your knees and leaves jagged scars.

He still could’ve competed. Some say that he should’ve. He’d been working towards this for the past decade, ever since he ran into the gymnastics building clutching his dad’s hand and bouncing with excitement.

That’s what it came down to, though, wasn’t it? His dad wasn’t there to squeeze his hand before he walked onto the mats, and his mom wasn’t there to wave her neon posterboard signs and annoy the people sitting behind her.

He needed his family. He needed to sit up with Eli until the early hours of the morning, flipping through photo albums and watching American Ninja Warrior and learning how to make pancakes with the shapes drawn on them like their mother used to. He needed to cry and scream and let himself be upset like he never could around anyone else.

He needed his big brother. And his big brother needed him.

Years passed, and it got a little easier. He and Eli had big dreams shaped like warped walls and salmon ladders, and they dedicated themselves to bringing those dreams to life.

It was like they were kids again, crafting an excess of obstacles in their backyard and daring each other to do it again, but faster. Their backyard turned into a studio, and their rotting tree branches into balance beams, and Remmy could almost forget that 2008 had ever happened.

Yet, some reminders of adulthood were louder – and sweeter – than others.

Remmy adores his nephew. Little Robin Rembrandt is the apple of his eye and he makes sure the kid knows it every day.

He remembers the night Robin was born, and how he got to be the first person to hold him right after Eli and his girlfriend, and how elated he was when Robin made soft, sleepy noises at him.

He also remembers sitting in the hallway with Eli afterwards, rubbing circles into his big brother’s back as he sobbed. Whenever he and Eli had complained that their parents were being embarrassing, mom and dad would reassure them that they were going to be even worse about embarrassing their grandchildren.

It felt wrong to be sitting in the maternity ward without their parents showering Eli in kisses and burying Robin under piles of stuffed toys. So, so many years had passed, but at times like this, it stung like it had only been days.

Remmy introduces himself to the interviewer for the Do Good Fellowship. She perks up and says that she recognizes his name. Wasn’t he in the Olympics a few years back? Remmy manages a small smile.

“Almost,” he says. She raises an eyebrow.

“Miss a qualifying round?” she asks, and for a second Remmy is so, so tempted to say yes.

“Dropped out,” he tells her with a shrug. She raises her other eyebrow.

“…Interesting,” she says, scribbling something in the margin of her notebook. “Well, I hope you won’t pass up this opportunity too.” Remmy composes himself before she looks back up, relaxing his grit teeth and blinking frustrated tears from his eyes.

“Me too,” he says.

Remmy smiled and laughed during the interviews, shook hands and congratulated his competitors, and then went back to his car and cried until he began retching.

At least for the Olympics he hadn’t shown up. At least for the Olympics he had an excuse. At least for the Olympics he had been able to go home and hug his brother and cry and cry and cry.

Right now, he wasn’t sure Elijah would even look him in the eye.

That wasn’t true, and he logically knew it wasn’t true, but every other part of him was getting weighed down by the thick sheets of disappointment and failure that squeezed his lungs until he couldn’t breathe and shut down every thought in his brain.

Elijah found him sitting in a Dairy Queen parking lot, curled up in the back seat and surrounded by empty wrappers. He crawled in next to his little brother and held him and told him that they were going to be okay, that they could figure this out. Remmy just nodded into his chest, silent tears still rolling down his face.

It was a few weeks and several job interviews before he let himself play with Robin again. Elijah had been through enough, and Remmy had been supposed to be his big break. He was going to make it up to him. He had to.

Irene asks what his favorite movie is. Remmy thinks about the late nights he stayed up watching Stick It, crying into a bowl of dry cereal and wishing that his story could’ve gotten a happy ending.

“It’s actually Flubber, which is weird,” he replies with a painted-on grin.

“That is so strange,” Irene tells him, smiling back. She seems scared, though. He hopes she thinks that’s why he’s shaking too.

The Fellowship was going to be his happy ending. After this, he wouldn’t need anymore graveyard shifts or long commutes, just living on site and fixing computers for the world’s best and brightest. He would earn enough money to pay for the gym, to pay Eli’s rent, to get Robin into a nice school.

This was it. Sure, they seemed awfully interested in his gymnastic background. Yeah, he seemed stuck with a person who hated him for reasons beyond his understanding. And of course, not all of his coworkers were nice.

One time, Remmy’s coworker at one of many part-time jobs said something snarky about the rainbow bracelet he was wearing. Remmy twisted it around his wrist and grinned sheepishly, explaining that he got it from a parade he went to in Chicago a few years back. The coworker snorted and made eye contact with his friend over Remmy’s shoulder.

People aren’t mean for no reason, but sometimes that reason is bullshit.

So when Nadiya eviscerates Jamie, he has to bite back a laugh. It may not be his style, but listening to the string of threats backed by Walking On Sunshine wasn’t a wholly unpleasant experience.

Unfortunately, some coworkers ran a little darker than Jamie.

He failed out of the Olympics. He failed out of American Ninja Warrior. And now…rule of threes, baby.

Remmy had thought he could avoid this by dropping gymnastics – there couldn’t be a third failure if he retired to computers. But, alas, life had it out for him and now so does the Do Good Fellowship.

He stared through the windshield. Kardala’s hair was brushing his face from where she was collapsed against his shoulder, sleeping soundly. Nadiya was driving, arguing with Mary in the passenger seat about the nearest restaurant.

Was this a failure? The usual rush of tears hadn’t hit him yet. He felt empty, ethereal, floating slightly out of his body. He focused on the hair brushing across his nose, grounding himself, and trying not to sneeze into the goddess’s hair.

The first time, Remmy lost his parents and gymnastics – the sport they supported him through for more than half his life – in a few disastrous days. The second, he nearly destroyed his relationship with his brother at the hands of the activity they cherished. And this time…

Well.

His powers definitely caused a predicament, but he still had them. And, to be honest, the loss of the Fellowship didn’t really hit him too hard. Maybe this wasn’t a failure. Or, maybe he’s just become numb to the feelings of guilt and disappointment.

The arguing in the front seat reaches a crescendo and Kardala wakes up long enough to shout that they will go to “wherever the orange one wants, now let me sleep or you will both regret it dearly.” A smile twitches across Remmy’s face. Oh. That makes sense.

The Fellowship may have given him powers, but they don’t tie him to an organization. They connect him to people, to Nadiya and Irene and Kardala and Mary Sage. The ‘Berg may be gone, and it’s possible they’re on a watchlist, but he still has the four of them.

He sure would like a fifth, though.

Remmy taps the center console, interrupting the icy silence between the girls.

“Mary, I know you’ve got a burner phone. Can I borrow it?” he asks. “I really need to call my brother.

[writingintheshadowsforever]

Update

Hey everyone I know its been a while again thank you to everyone that ids being patient with me. I'm off for the next 3 days after today so I will be updating soon. I'll post some imagines that have been sitting in my inbox for the past week. I've been trying to get it done but my job is just one major obstacle in my way right now. The big boss has been on a rampage for the past 2 weeks down everyone's back demanding perfection, and he had taken off the schedule for a whole claiming. They needed to cut hours but what I don't understand is why are you hiring so many new people. If you don't have hours to give because the new hires are still on the schedule.

I do have to find a new job within by the end of this week, because unfortunately I still live in a hotel where rent is due by the week. It's my week to pay and them cutting my hours is leaving me like $100 short. So its really be worry and stress consuming me for the past couple of weeks. But I have a plan that is looking pretty good my major series Magic and Steal Your Heart will both see updates if not by Friday then this coming weekend especially.

How are you guys? How's life? Want to request something? Just stop by my inbox or message me. I'm always down to talk no matter what it is.