#very tragic what happened to him may he rest in peace

[itsyourstarboy]

Baby 2.0 is in a psych ward, just so y'all know.

Ivan really fucked them up.

[heartmii]

TOA 01

✮⋆apollo x male!reader

!warnings!: angst, mentions of blood, anything else anyone sees and is uncomfortable with please let me know!

✮⋆˙ woo chapter two!! I'm excited to release this but also super nervous because I added a twist that I'm not sure everyone will love but I mean, it's a story about mythical beings so I decided to just have fun with it!

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“What did you do?” Anger seethed through the ex-god, his shaky breath competed with the rapid thump of his heart against his chest. Apollo’s eyes snapped to the now smug smiling emperor, the fury in his chest growing. 

“Oh? Are you not happy with what you see?” Caligula asked, voice laced with fake concern. He clicked his tongue, his eyes surveying his servants in dissatisfaction. “The gods,” he sighed, shaking his head. “So hard to please. You surprise them with the dead love of their life, and still, it’s not enough for them to say thank you. Such egos, it’s a shame, really.”

Apollo swallowed, an attempt at soothing the dryness that was now overtaking his throat. “That’s not possible. It’s an illusion. It has to be…” he faltered, his body deflating as he dropped onto the ground.

 Apollo was a god turned mortal. He was from the mythical world and saw many things, things that one alone could not comprehend, things that don’t make sense, that shouldn’t be able to happen because it went beyond the natural order of the mortal and mythical world. Yet, somehow, you being brought back from the dead was not an acceptance that came easily to him. 

It’d been years, years, since your death, but you lived. Alive in Apollo’s mind. There was not a day, not a century, not even a millennium, that Apollo did not think of you and the bittersweet memories you two shared. Your grace and your beauty, along with the essence of your soul, were immortalized for eternity in his heart, where he could forever nourish your memory and honor your legacy. 

Please… Who was he kidding? Honoring your legacy? Him? Apollo had done nothing but trash on everything you stood behind! If anything, he went against what you fought so desperately for. There was blood on his hands. The blood of many innocent lives he so easily discarded with no regard for their being. The option of others having a choice was previously nonexistent in the ex-god’s mind. He’d force many people to do his bidding and castigate them if they rejected. 

Including those he loved after your time. 

His heart clenched as Daphne’s horrified face filled his mind. Her expression contrasting his hopeful one as he chased her through the forest surrounding mount Olympus. It was Eros who, so full of spite, caused her to hate the mere thought of Apollo’s face. So much so that she begged her father, Peneus, desperate for help. He’d heard her prayers and granted her salvation.

 But even after the last branch formed from Daphne’s outstretched arm and she had fully become a prospering laurel tree, Apollo did not allow her to rest peacefully. He had plucked the leaves from her branches and formed what was now known to be one of his most notable symbols. The laurel reef.

 Daphne didn’t love Apollo. No, she despised him so much that she believed death was better than remaining on earth with him, but even that he had stolen from her. 

Just like you, Daphne was immortalized in the memories and stories of people but met the tragic fate of being forever tied to the very god that she had died escaping, tainting her name with his own and taking away her right to a peaceful death. Apollo may not have been the one that forced her to take her last breath, but it was he who pushed her to such a state of helplessness that she felt there was no other option. 

Perhaps that was why the thought of you being alive was so agonizing to him, because then you would learn about the monster he had become and how all of those promises he made to you under the moonlight had become nothing but empty words he spewed under the drunken spell of love.

 How could he look you in your eyes now? Eyes that always glimmered with determination as you spouted your ideals and all the great you planned to do in the world…how could he look at those same eyes and say that he failed to do what you had dreamed, what you both dreamed. Even if that dream died for Apollo a long time ago. 

Caligula considered Apollo for a moment before grabbing your arm and moving you back into his line of sight. He turned back to the ex god, his smile now wicked and sadistic, vastly enjoying the conflicting grief in his eyes.

“You haven’t taken a proper look at him. As he was once your lover, there’s no doubt in my mind you’ve memorized his body. You should have no trouble deducing if he’s a fake or not.” 

How odd was it that Apollo, who had been literally fighting for his life these past few months and wanted nothing more but to evade conflict, wished he was dodging swinging swords, and running from giant monsters that chased him and his friends instead of being here, simply standing and being forced to stare at the person most precious to him. 

Yet, he had succumbed to the small part of him that was a tad curious if it truly was you. 

His breath staggered, and he stood on wobbly legs, anxiously meeting your stare, only to regret it immediately. 

There they were, those eyes. Hypnotic as they had willed Apollo into your grasp, and enchanted him with an infatuation that ran deep in his blood. The same hunger swirled within them in a way that could only be described as honest passion. The intensity made Apollo’s heart skip a beat, and he trembled under your gaze. 

It was said that one’s eyes were the window into their soul, a quote which honestly was quite dated and overused, but as you searched deep within Apollo, he felt his own soul stir in response. His body had recognized its missing piece and, like a magnet, it fought to connect again.

Your souls were bound to each other. The fates decreed that the moment you two met. There was no way Apollo wouldn’t have known if you were a fake. 

In case he was completely wrong and in over his head, he took action to make sure he was absolute in his observation. It hurt to tear his sight away from your face, but he allowed himself to survey the rest of you, as Caligula suggested. 

His eyes roamed your body with a frown. 

 How strange. You appeared to be… out of this world. 

Your aura, although it had always been charming, was different in a way Apollo could not put his finger on. Something about you filled him with an irresistible sensation he had never felt with you before. 

Could it be Lester’s human hormones could not handle the gorgeous sight of his past lover and therefore appeared to be more appetizing than usual?

No, that couldn’t be it. Yes, mortals could definitely be extremely tempting creatures, but they didn’t hold the same weight and power as they did with gods. Many felt enchanted just by the mere sight of one. It was not a simple task to break away from their inviting aura and fight the urge to give in to their desires. 

Your aura was similar; An inviting force emitting from you. But how? You weren’t a god… were you? 

Apollo gagged internally at the thought, his insides twisting at the possibility of you being a deity. 

Being mortal was the very essence of your existence. It was nauseating how you nurtured the role like it was your life’s purpose, facing no fear towards things such as death or illness, claiming that these tragedies were simply just a part of being human and running from it would do nothing but force you to live in a world of clouds where you’d constantly be lost amongst the fog. 

Becoming a deity would’ve made your death a vain sacrifice for what you believed and enduring an eternity of grief would’ve been for nothing. Days of forcing the sun to shine upon the earth when Apollo himself was lost in the overwhelming darkness of his heart as his guiding light, his sun, was gone. Constantly, he searched for another you because the void left in him hurt too much, but of course, none had come as close to his heart as you did because in the end, all he wanted was you and he caged his heart behind iron bars out of fear of experiencing grief on that level ever again. 

There was only one who had been close to unlocking his heart again after you. His dear Hyacinthus. Oh, how the boy had reminded Apollo of you in so, so, many ways. The both of you were graceful, heads held high as you smiled at all that you loved. Adored by many as anyone who came to meet you was always enthralled by your allure and hearts of gold. But alas, love was never in Apollo’s favor, and his precious Hyacinthus met a tragic fate when he was murdered by the conniving and envious wind god, Zephyrus. 

It was almost comical how similar your deaths were. A sadistic joke played on Apollo. All hope he ever had for another love as great as you and Hyacinthus went out the window and following that was a now numb and manipulative god who allowed himself to know his lovers but never allowed them to know him. 

All of that guilt he felt for abusing his authority and refusing to see his lover’s as equals, all the shame for not living up to par with what you wanted, would’ve been for nothing. Along with the stab of knowing that you didn’t choose HIM over your ideals when he would’ve burned the world for you, was all too much. No, you couldn’t be a deity because then Apollo would never forgive you. 

He could not bear these thoughts and, for once, Apollo was glad when Caligula spoke to him as he had distracted him from the fogginess building up in his eyes.

Caligula waved his hand in the ex-god’s face, surveying him. “I’ll take the dumb look on your already idiotic face as confirmation that you’ve recognized that this is the real deal.” He turned to you, “I know how, uh… different…Apollo must look to you. Surely, it must be traumatic to come back from the dead and your once powerful and radiant lover is now pathetic, weak, and ugly. Do you believe this to be the god you once loved?”

Apollo huffed, once because he could not deny that Lester’s face was, in fact, idiotic and again because of Caligula’s question. Your eyes were good, but they weren’t that good. Unfortunately, you hadn’t been blessed with seeing beyond the mist, a trait that could’ve saved your life.                  

“You ask him a question he cannot answer. He would not recognize me in such a body—“ 

“Yes.” You cut him off and stepped closer. Apollo sucked in his bottom lip as your hands had come up to run your fingers through his hair. Oh, how he missed your touch. The way you handled him like he was a piece of glass. Then you spoke again, your voice being in that delicious and melodic tone that made heat travel up Apollo’s neck to the tips of his ears. Damn this body. 

“Although in a different body, your scent remains the same… how bizarre. Might it be your soul I smell?” You muttered, your fingers dragging down Apollo’s cheek. 

Apollo shuttered at your touch, the coolness of your finger soothing his warm face. But as much as he wanted to allow you to continue your exploration of his body, he could not shake off what you had said. “My scent—- What does that mean? — How is your nose even that good?—“

“Bravo! It appears love truly conquers all!” Caligula clapped, pulling you away from Apollo and making the ex-god frown. Something wasn’t right about you, besides being a walking corpse. Death was not his domain, but as far as Apollo was aware, coming back from the dead did not include the nose of a hellhound. 

“What did you do to him?” He asked Caligula, pinning his arms to his side as they had once again trembled. 

Caligula stared at Apollo questioningly. “What did I do?” He laughed. “You are funny, dear. This fiasco was not my idea. All I want from you is to squeeze out the final essence of godhood that’s left in that lanky vessel. If you were smart, you would’ve directed your attention to the only witch in the room.” 

Apollo’s eyes swiftly met Medea’s sadistic ones. She had silently been watching the previous conversation from the side. Gods, he was so caught up in the sight of you he had forgotten all about the Wicked Witch of the East.

“How rude of you to put me on the spot. I haven’t prepared my speech.” Medea purrs and approaches, circling around you before landing her hands on your shoulders. “On the contrary, love does not, in fact, conquer all.” She said, referring to Caligula’s earlier comment. 

“Instead, it leads people to their doom. It makes them think with their hearts and not their heads. The most powerful beings,” Apollo cursed himself for flinching after she had eyed him with a knowing look. “Have been brought down onto their knees in the name of love. As you all know, I, myself, have been a victim of this. After Jason betrayed me.” 

“I don’t understand.” Apollo interjected. “I had nothing to do with Jason’s betrayal against you.” 

“Oh, I am aware. But that is not why I brought him up.”

“You see, my heart had never bled as much as it did when I was in love. I yearned to serve Jason. To become half of his soul as his life, his goals, had become my own. I was high on that feeling. A feeling you must know well, yes?” The smile on her face was one Apollo did indeed recognize. 

A smile that did not reach one’s eyes, that was all for show to hide your true misery. He hated sympathizing with the witch, but he knew exactly what she meant. 

It seemed his face wasn’t so good at hiding his feelings either, as Madea had nodded to herself in what seemed to be satisfaction. “I needed something against you, Apollo. But what was something that would hold such great power over an ex-Olympian God? It couldn't be physical, no, that would be too merciful. I needed something, or someone, that could cause such turmoil within you that the thought of even fighting against it would cause you great sorrow.” 

“Well, isn’t that thoughtful? Putting in all that effort into destroying little ol’me.” 

She sneered, her eyes narrowing. “I studied you. Studied how I could control you, and imagine my surprise when I found out about an unclaimed lover of yours.” Her hands go to you, caressing your arms and making Apollo livid. “It seems not everything made it into the history books.”

Grime stained Apollo’s face, becoming one with the hot tears sliding down his cheeks. His hands ached as he pulled apart dirt from the ground with none other than his fingers. He could’ve called someone and ordered them to do the laboring task on their own. But he refused. He had to do this alone. He had to bury you himself. 

 No one should be able to see you, to touch you, to be around you. Not anymore. You were too sacred, too precious for this cursed world. But Apollo was selfish. He took you away from the earth, took you away from the rest of your family, just to have you rest under his domain. 

The god’s choked cries turned into loud sobs as his fingers dug deeper into the sacred dirt of Delos, shimmering gold tainting the soil. He welcomed the blood seeping from his hand; the pain was deserved. It was nothing compared to what you must’ve felt when his father had struck you down, but he needed to feel something. Anything that would compensate for the agony you went through before drawing your final breath. 

Delos, where he and Artemis were born. The land that had once been his aunt, Asteria, who had transformed herself into a floating island to get away from the advances of Zeus.  Where she provided sanctuary for his mother as she ran from the wrath of Hera on earth. This is where Apollo would bury you, a place that would now provide you sanctuary as it did for his family. A place where you could rest unbothered by the world. 

The hole was deep enough now, and Apollo had pulled himself out of it. A coffin waited for him and he involuntarily walked towards it, dragging his hand against it. The coffin had been turned from a simple block of stone to a grand piece of imagery. All along its sides had Apollo carved into it, creating depictions of milestones in your relationship. The first time you met, along with the time he revealed to you he was a god followed by the countless times he’d let you play on his lyre and of course, the first ‘I love you.’ Amongst many more. 

He was gentle with the coffin when he picked it up, moving slowly when he brought it over to the open ground. Apollo bit his lip, holding back his weeping so that he could focus on lowering you into the hole. 

It was done. You were really gone, and Apollo would never be yours again. 

“What are you doing here?” Apollo asked, his voice hoarse and his eyes bleak. He was sitting on the ground, painting a gravestone. 

Grass crunched behind him as someone approached. “You’re burying him here?” 

Apollo’s wrist kept moving, his brush creating faces on the gravestone. Still, he answered, “Cut the crap, Artemis.”

Artemis crossed her arms, frowning at her brother’s words. “I was born here too, Apollo. I have just as much right to be here as you do.” 

“You knew, didn’t you?” Apollo snapped, the brush falling from his fingers. 

“Knew what?” Artemis asked. 

“Don’t lie to me Artemis.” Apollo stood, finally facing his twin. “You knew father would kill him!” 

Artemis flinched as she caught wind of Apollo’s face, the puffiness under his eyes red and throbbing. Yet she recovered quickly, shaking Apollo’s arm away. “Don’t touch me.”

He placed his hands back onto her, gripping her in more of a desperate plea than before. “Please, sister, tell me the truth. Did you know that father would kill him?”

. “I…” she started, her chest growing heavy as she felt Apollo’s fingers shake against her. Swallowing carefully, she moved her eyes to your grave. “Yes, I knew… we all did.”

Apollo’s grip on her tightened, his eyes becoming glassy at the revelation. “Why didn’t you tell me? Were you sworn to secrecy? Is that why you didn’t tell me? Father is frightening. I understand if he forced you to swear on the River Styx—”

“He didn’t force me to do anything.” 

“What…?” 

“Oath did not bind me to not say anything to you. I simply chose not to.” Artemis stated, throwing Apollo off of her once again. Her head held high as she watched for his reaction. 

Apollo stared at her, his eyes widening in disbelief. He shook his head. “You knew how much I loved him, you knew father was going to kill him and you didn’t tell me! I don’t understand, Artemis. You are my sister, my twin, my blood. How… how could you?”

“That is exactly why! Apollo, you are my other half. We are two sides of the same coin. We might be related to the others, but their bond is not like ours. That boy was leading you to your demise. I have nothing against him, but you are who I care about most. I didn’t want to see him dead, but I didn’t want to see my brother subjected to an eternal punishment, either.” Artemis finished, her own resolve fading as she too shook at the thought of Apollo being hurt. 

Apollo’s jaw clenched. “Well, sister,” he started, malice seeping into his voice, “It seems you’ve failed anyway because a life without him is the worst punishment I could ever endure.” 

“Demigods!” Medea yelled out, bringing awareness to Meg and Jason’s presence in the room. They couldn’t speak anyway, not while they were stuck in the wind tornadoes Medea had stuck them in. “This is important. Pay attention.” 

“Delphi was a known city-state of ancient Greece. A city state where you, Apollo, were the patron god of. But the Delphi that lives in myths, the one that we know, is not the Delphi that has always been.” 

Through the corner of his eye, Apollo watched as both Meg and Jason’s expressions formed into one of confusion. 

“Once upon a time ago, Apollo betrayed Zeus. However, that’s not a surprise, that is a story that still lives. What didn’t make it, though, was the entire punishment your father had you experience. The gods said you were forced to build the gates of Troy alongside Poseidon. But what they failed to mention was the part where Zeus took everything from you. Your lover and your city. Isn’t that right?”

Apollo opened his mouth to speak, eager to defend his story. He knew where this was going and dread filled his stomach.  

Medea spoke before he could. “Oh, but that’s not even the best part! The original Delphi had its own royal family, a family that your boy-toy had been born to.” She comes to your side, raising your hand up. “Here stands the last prince of Delphi before its initial destruction. After a few years, Apollo rebuilt Delphi and got rid of all the evidence of its history. But thanks to my digging, I could uncover all of this.” 

Behind him, the Pandai were ready to lunge forward and capture Apollo as he had taken on a defensive stance against Medea. “Who told you this? The only person who knew about where I buried him was my sister.” 

Medea scoffed. “Oh, please, if you want to hide the body of your dead lover, do it somewhere that’s not your famous birthplace that everyone knows about. It was the first place I checked.” 

Apollo’s eyes ripped away from hers as blood rushed to his head. She was right, and he was an idiot to think that if someone wanted to find your body, they wouldn’t look on Delos. In his defense, it had been four thousand years since your death. 

Medea smirked at the red dusting Apollo’s cheeks. 

“Everything fell into place for me after that. You preserved his body well, I expected dust only to find that his body was enchanted to stay in good shape. It was perfect for my plan. I needed to bring him back from the dead without actually bringing him back, as I did not want to deal with Hades. He needed to be undead. I looked for spells beyond Ancient Greece and came upon the perfect solution within the dark arts—

“I’ve had enough of your talking,” Apollo sneered, glaring at the witch. “What have you turned him into?” 

“Patience.” She hissed, “I sacrificed my rarest properties along with human blood to create an elixir that would wake up this sleeping beauty. It took days to restore him to full health. But finally, when he did wake, he was radiant. No longer was he a meek mortal. His senses had heightened as he was now strong and blessed with speed, his ears picked up on sounds from miles away, and a nose made for hunting. There’s more, I'm sure of it, but he is still fresh and needs time to develop. So what did I turn him into, you ask?”

Medea sent Apollo one last wicked smile before dropping information that made the ex-god wish he was dead. 

“I have turned the long-lost Prince of Delphi into a vampire.” 

[dangermousie]

Do you like triumph of evil in your kdramas? A small rec list for the pessimist in you

If, like me, you got into kdramas way back when or like older kdramas, tragic endings are not a particular surprise - endings where one or both members of the OTP die were pretty common and even unsettling endings that remind you of the world being rather unjust (Bad Guys) also happen.

But I am talking about something more than that - an ending that really socks it to you, by making you feel the villains won, it was all in vain. I confess when well-done, I love the bleakness of that type of ending. So here are my five favorites for this sort of thing:

Hong Gil Dong (2008)

This story of a rebel fighting to overthrow the mad tyrant and bring justice to the people has the most thoroughly bad ending on the list. Who dies? EVERYONE EXCEPT THE BAD GUYS! I don't mean the OTP, I don't mean your fave secondaries, I mean everyone. The sheer realistic bleakness of the ending is breath-taking. Gil Dong, his OTP Yi Nok and the rest of the rebels are murdered by the forces of the king they put on the throne. The last shot of the story proper is them standing watching a shower of arrows coming towards them, staring at their death. The only survivors are the King and the secondary girl and both are monsters. The king is the man they put on the throne with so much effort but who cannot allow them to live because what they want is not to replace a bad absolute ruler with a different one (that he may have coped with) but to replace the system itself - to hold the king accountable, and he cannot have that. In the end, a mad tyrant has been replaced with a sane tyrant and the class system and the injustices of that society that wrecked Hil Dong, Yi Nok and the rest continue unabated. And secondary girl betrays Gil Dong because - for all her sort of crush - she never truly saw him as human, just a fancy peasant toy that should be thrown away and punished for not behaving as he ought. In the end, the good guys, the heroes, who fought so hard are killed and it's not easy acceptance for them either (there is a scene where Gil Dong, knowing they are all dead once spring comes, admits to Yi Nok how terrified of death he is that has haunted me for a decade plus) and the monsters continue on happily. Sure, the people recite stories and new fighters will rise in their place but it's very much of a "no happy ending in our lifetime" message.

At the time this drama came out, the Hong Sisters were known for their romcoms and this started out pretty goofy - watching it live as it got darker and darker was a hell of a trip and the ending made the fandom insane. But the more I thought about it, the more I loved it, the more fitting it seemed. I love all the other takes on rebels against the crown a la various other HGD and Iljimae adaptations but this one has, to me, by far the most fitting ending.

IRIS (2009)

Talk about bleak. This drama starts as your standard if high quality actioner about competent glam agents of a secret CIA type agency. And then it all goes to hell in a handbasket for our mains as it turns out a secret evil organization is the one that's pulling the strings, and our protagonist Kim Hyun Jun (played by Lee Byung Hun in my favorite of all of his performances) is sacrificed for complicated reasons that are only gradually revealed and begins his descent into hell. He starts the story as a competent, cocky sweetheart and transforms into a PTSDing shaking hands wreck. And you watch him fight so hard - fight through all the torments inflicted, fight to protect his loved ones and to keep his sanity, and fight to take the evil org down. You watch him slowly rebuild himself, and to slowly find happiness again with the woman he's loved all this time, Choi Seung Hee (played by Kim Tae Hee in my fave of her performances, who has unknowing ties to the org) and to fight over the org and inflict damage on it.

And then we get that ending, as he's finally found some peace and safety, and he's driving to propose to Seung Hee and as he sees her, he's shot in the head, point blank and he lies there, dying, seeing her but not able to reach her, tears falling out of his eyes as she waits oblivious for a man who will never come and it's made so clear that the org goes on, that nothing has been defeated and that it has all been for nothing - he's been killed as a punishment to him but also as a message to Seung Hee that nobody ever escapes - for her to find his body and realize it was all for naught. And it is also made clear that there was NOTHING he could have ever done to avoid this fate except if his parents made different choices before he was born (!!!) Talk about bleak. I sobbed for hours.

Ja Myung Go (2009)

I've just posted about this one so I am not gonna re-do the comments but yeah, it ends with the OTP death, the kingdom destroyed and the one winner is King Daemushin, the bad guy. The God of Battles wins again. Sure he lost a son but he's got other sons. Worth it, would think the old monster.

My Country: the New Age (2019)

The rest of the dramas on this list are older. This one is not. Our two main protagonists die in the end but that is not what makes it so bleak - what makes it so bleak is that nothing of what they wanted came to pass. In a way, it's a bit of a Hong Gil Dong redux situation - there is a new ruler on the throne but he's not any better than the old ones and he's cleaning up the people who put him on the throne. Hwi especially fought so hard for a place and then just to have some peace and he gets neither, the man he fought so hard to put on the throne being his murderer.

What Happened in Bali (2004)

Ooof, this drama! We have four main characters and at the end, two of them are dead, shot by the third one who turns the gun on himself. The only survivor is the ice cold secondary girl who would probably not pause sipping her morning coffee when hearing the news.

This is a story of people damaged and ruined by a bunch of monsters who suppress any hope and anything good and cause more and more damage - we watch the three mains claw at others and at themselves hoping for happiness and connection and love and it all gets dismantled and set on fire repeatedly and in the worst way. It's perhaps the starkest with Jo In Sung's Jung Jae Min - who you watch taken apart and driven to extremity slowly and gradually over the course of the drama. And his monstrous family ends up triumphant at the end - even in death and murder he was not monstrous enough for them to fit in - and now they will continue their lives.

PS The scene where he shoots Ha Ji Won's character right as she's just finishes telling So Ji Sub she loves JIS and wants to go back to him and she tells him "I love you" for the first time ever as she lies dying - that lives in my head rent free forever.

[honeycombhank]

Dwight jr. past very early in the morning of the 21st,

I’m still shocked, I can not or don’t want to believe that he isn’t coming back?

My heart..

Dwight and his siblings were born at a time of great struggle and uncertainty for me in my life, and I have bonded greatly with each of them deeply, maybe even more than usual because of it..

Seeing Dwight jr fall ill so suddenly without a chance to recover or time for me to even make a vet call or appointment and feeling so helpless for someone so small that I love so dearly was tragic too say the least.

I miss him, I know the rest of the ratty family misses him.

My love reminded me of how lucky Dwight jr. Was, to have a full and rich life, to go for walks with us and all the snacks he got to try and he got to meet his sons before he past as well, I feel fortunate to have a partner that thinks to remind me of uplifting memories and facts when I am in need of something to feel more positive about.

I am so thankful to have gotten the time I did with my sweet Dwight Jr. I’m sure this is not the last post I will make talking about how I’m feeling and what happened.

I love you sweetheart, my sweet boy.

I love you Dwight Jr. may you eat all the snacks in ratty heaven and may you have all the space in the world to gallop. See you later on I hope.

Rest in peace. 💕❤️💕

1/22/24

[vilandel]

When the Night and the Darkness visit the Morning

Summary For the first time in years, a certain grave in the cemetery get's a visit from a couple...

A/N My very first oneshot about the ship Ichinacht and also my first time writing about Nacht, Ichika and Morgen.

Ao3 link

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It was a simple grave. Just a cross of stone, with a name on it and two dates. Birth and death. Whoever rested in peace under this cross, he died rather young. It was fair to assume that he met a tragic end.

The cross was halfway covered with moss and wild flowers bloomed close to the grave. Which might mean that no one came here for a long time.

But not today.

A man and a woman entered the cemetery, walking towards that grave. Both had black her and were wearing dark clothes. The man looked somehow as if his eyes were close, but he was still walking firmly on his two feet. The woman had her eyes open, looking stern, but there was still a softness within those grey irises. Her clothes were rather foreign, particular for Clover standards.

The couple stopped in front of the grave and the man kneeled down, putting a bouquet of sunflowers right before the cross.

“Good evening, brother.”

His first words to the person resting in the grave. A soft breeze went through the wild flowers, as if it was a greeting back.

“I’m sorry that I haven’t visited you during all those years. I still think more or less that I don’t deserve to be here.”

“Don’t listen to your brother, Morgen,” the woman interrupted him firmly. “We still need to work on his guilt issues, but he’s getting there. And he needs to understand that his visit makes you incredibly happy.”

Nacht Faust, vice-captain of the Black Bull squad – because it was him – gave her an amused smile before he turned again towards the cross, who had indeed the name Morgen Faust on it.

His twin brother.

“I’m sure you’re right now agreeing with her, as well as wondering who this woman is. May I introduce you to Yamis younger sister, Ichika. Yes, he has one and he never told any of us about it. But to be fair, he never told any of us about his past.”

Ichika now knelt as well in front of the grave, stroking the cross softly. “Hello, Morgen-sama. It’s nice to meet you. My name is Yami Ichika.”

“Don’t be so surprised that her name isn’t Ichika Sukehiro. Apparently, it is a custom in the Land of the Sun to introduce yourself first with the family name, not with the first name. And Yami had forgot to mention during all those years that his first name actually isn’t Yami, but Sukehiro. I wouldn’t be surprise if he actually forgot about it. You know what an idiot he can be. Thankfully, his sister uses her brain much more than he does.”

Another soft breeze flew through the flowers and for a second, it sounded almost like a chuckle.

“I don’t know if you’re aware, but Yami choose me to be the vice-captain of his squad. I didn’t wanted it, of course and even today, it’s more like a pain. I have to be more firm than the captain himself so that squad can actually work like a normal one, sometimes. We have a spatial mage who is actually relieved about that. Oh, and I managed to push Yami to finally do some paperwork. He delegated everything before, even direct captain duties. It is a chaotic squad, full of idiots.”

Ichika pushed Nacht slightly with the elbow.

“But I admit that they aren’t the worst. And they still managed to get the job done. Today, they’re pretty accepted, for misfits. We have a witch and she’s currently engaged to the current captain of the Silver Eagles. Yes, to a royal, don’t ask how this happened. And Yami is finally dating Charlotte Roselei. Do you remember how dense he was, that he not only realized that she was in love with him, but that he loved her as well? Even Jack realized it before him and he was a bigger idiot than Yami. I guess he’s the same in the afterlife. ”

Another chuckling breeze went through the wild flowers. Nachts face became a bit more serious, but there was a softness on his traits which wasn’t there before. He took Ichikas hand gently.

“And… Morgen, you told me once that despite my attitude, that I might find someone to fall in love with still. You actually were right, like always. But… Isn’t it weird that I fell for Yamis sister of all people?”

“I don’t know if I should take this as an insult or as a compliment,” Ichika remarked while rolling her eyes, before she smiled towards the cross. “I’m actually happy to be somehow your sister now, Morgen-sama. It is sad that I couldn’t properly met you. But don’t worry, I will take good care of your brother. But that’s not an easy task, stubborn like he is.”

“As if you aren’t stubborn yourself,” Nacht snickered, but the softness never left his eyes. “I hope you can finally rest in peace… after everything. You deserve this. I promise you that I won’t deny myself any kind of happiness anymore. I love Ichika too much for that.”

Both visitors blushed at those words, but it didn’t stop Ichika to reply, “I love you too, you stubborn idiot.”

Nacht and Ichika knelt for another while in front of Morgens grave, before they bid their goodbyes to him and slowly left the cemetery hand in hand.

The same soft breeze flew again between the graves and at the cross, a blurry silhouette appeared. The ghost of Morgen Faust, ancient Magic Knight of the Grey Deers and still a member of the Black Bulls despite his death, looked with affection at the couple, who passed through the portal of the cemetery before disappearing into the night mist, bathed with the first moonlight.

After this visit, Morgen knew that he would be able to finally rest in peace.

Finally, brother. Finally…. Nacht, be happy with your Ichika…

With this whisper melting with the breeze, the ghost disappeared, smiling happily.

[spacingstars]

# 11.

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

This one's kinda tricky.

The amount of characters I like that are unpopular and genuinely disliked by fandom are... not very many. When I think about it, it narrows down to two; but one's lack of popularity and the hate afforded to the character is more conditional on specific circles of fandom I unfortunately occupy the most. Once you move beyond that specific circle of fandom for the most part the hate lightens up.

So, technically, my answer to this question might be considered cheating...

Which is to say, unfortunately I happen to be a big Anakin fan whose stuck in the clone-centric/TCW centric side of things because I love Rex too damn much to roll myself back to the OT side of things where I could spare my brain cells the common fanon about Anakin in the TCW/Clone-centric side of things.

The reason I like Anakin's character so much is because of ROTJ, if ROTJ didn't exist I wouldn't be a Star Wars fan now. Plus, I am an absolute sucker for a good redemption story... but I'll leave it as that since it's not strictly relevant to this post beyond context.

The way the OT unravels Vader's character is quite engaging for me. You think he's this warlord who gets to throw his weight around, the one note villain, but in actuality he's revealed to be... the attack dog on a leash; he's the weapon of mass destruction, more machine than man. Until he isn't, until he's cracked from his armor and you see the miserable, pathetic human being under that imposing armor. He's the monster who lashes out because he's in pain, whose so trapped by his master and his own mind that he sees his only purpose being what is deigned to him by Palpatine. When that monster is granted an ounce of mercy; when he's been given the faith of his son, human connection (that isn't founded upon cruelty as with Palpatine,) he turns back, he ultimately does what's right. He stops the horrors Palpatine (with Vader's aide,) set into motion. His suffering, and the suffering of the galaxy is put to an end and Vader is put to rest at peace in his son's arms.

Everything about Anakin's backstory, how he became the walking shell of the man he was once; literally and figuratively, also factors into why I like the character so much. He's a very tragic character in the classical sense. Even the central hinge of his downfall is very larger-than-life in that Anakin cannot cope with his own grief, guilt, and shame due to his past as a slave and the way in which his mother died (which I also see as a symbolic death of Anakin's goodness, that his true fall begins with the death of the person who was the reason as to why Anakin was so good to begin with,) and decides to attempt in subverting death itself.

And, with regards to why I like him with the clones... I often think of them as parallel stories; their tragedies are intermixed with one another. They both end up weapons that are to be used up and discarded at a moment's notice. Additionally, the faith and trust Anakin had in his men and they in turn had him only compounds the tragedy of Order 66 to me. It also leaves the clones left in the 501st under Vader's command in an interesting narrative spot (that is not followed up by canon, but hey at least I get to sit here and overthink such a narrative spot through Vader & Appo.) It's just such a fascinating intersection of canon to me, one that, I think, factors heavily into Anakin's story (the repeated loss of his men's lives due to the fundamental nature of war no matter how much Anakin may try to alter it is something that only spurs on Anakin's downfall in my mind,) additionally there is also the effect Anakin had on his men; the camaraderie found for them with their Jedi. Especially Anakin's relationship to Rex.

But... to my disappointment most people chock it up to "Anakin never cared and the clones hated him," which I personally think is the most boring way you could go about this connection, and also completely contradictory to what we're shown in canon, but hey, you do you I guess.

Anyway, if I were to peel back every layer of why I adore Anakin's character so much we'll be here forever. Doubly so if I'm to explain why I adore Anakin and the clones connection, especially with Rex.

(also, for the record, the other character was Nala Se, but you, Kilt, have already said your piece on her better than I ever could xD)

Salty Ask Game

[bloodmoon-bites]

This is a sad day for the COD cosplay community

This post contains mention of suicide, please read at your own discretion. This post contains a sumerization of what happened on October 9th, 2023 regarding Inquisitore3...

Due to false accusations against a TikTok ghost cosplayer, inquisitore3, took his own life on Monday, October 9th. In a TikTok live that he started, the live video was simply an empty room, with a window, late at night and very dark, with comments turned off and users unable to discuss what was happening. A little bit later it is seen/heard (unaware which one as i did not see this live) that someone broke through a window. Next, you can hear cpr being performed and someone saying in Italian demanding someone to 'call for help' and later saying 'Where the fuck are they?' referencing the ambulance. His father has since confirmed his passing. He was killed but hanging himself... This cosplayer was only 23 years old... Someone who had a lot of life left in him, someone who brought countless joy to others... TikTok has since banned his account, and it is unknown if it will ever pop back up. So i ask all of you who have any of his videos, please use this post as a reblog so we can all share and remember in the tragic loss of Inquistore3... may he rest in peace... (a video with some details of all that has happened)

[imperiuswrecked]

As a Namor entrepreneur, you may not like this question so I apologize, but how do you see Namors ending? I know he’s got lots of years to live but to see him in Conquered Shores older right next to the statue of his younger self, it made me feel a little sad lol. Do you think they will give him a happy ending? Do you see him finding a new love, perhaps have some kids? I feel bad for Namor because now that atlantis is rising he spent his younger years fighting surface dwellers so much to the point he built relationships with some and now they’re suffering and we can tell Namor feels somewhat sad too seeing them like that even tho he finally got atlantis where he wanted it to be at and if the dwellers were to come back it would just end up as back then (them mistreating the ocean and his people) it really hits the line of being from two worlds but belonging to none vibes all around which is kinda sad, regardless of all the struggles atlantis went through Namor never gave up on his people while the dwellers right now want to just disappear and die. The roles are reversed and it showed me how strong Namor is, he is/was such a great king

No worries, if I don't like or can't answer a question then I won't. It really depends on my free time to determine how fast I get replies out so even if you send something in, it might take me a bit to get to it.

I don't know what Cantwell has in store for Namor's ending in Namor: Conquered Shores, but I feel it will be satisfactory, not every ending has to be happy for it to be a good ending imo, sometimes sad ones makes the most sense/impact on the story.

While I would love to see Namor happy, even being a dad, and retire; I personally don't see that as ever happening for him simply because Namor is a tragic Byronic character, he isn't meant to have a happy ending, or for anything to go right for him. He's meant to be tormented and alone and dealing with the weight of his past. Doomed to walk the line between two worlds and never fully belonging to either. Which I love because when he does get moments of happiness it's so wonderful. But I'm fine with sad stuff because I love sadness, and angst.

Namor really is a GREAT character, and I'm so so so glad people are finally seeing that. By great character I don't mean Namor is perfect, he is very flawed, but his character is so interesting and just when you think you have him figured out there is another layer to him. Namor's compassion is never buried too deep in his salty heart, and all it takes is a chance for it to shine through and I love this series already because Cantwell isn't just giving us a Namor angry with the world as he is in his past/youth, he's giving us a side of Namor that rarely gets focused on in comics, he's showing us the quieter/introspective side of Namor and all he really wants is peace between his worlds and for his people to thrive.

The Defenders (1972) #53

It's just so interesting how everything is reversed because for the first time you do see the humans suffering how the Atlanteans suffered because of them, how their ocean homes were destroyed and unfit to live in, but because no one ever sided with the Atlantean POV it was never explored in such a way, like the amount of times "Atlantis is destroyed" in the comics is ridiculous.

I hope the rest of the series is great too.

[onceandfuturereader]

Spoilers bellow for those unburden with the knowledge of what happens in The Last of Us part 2.

Last chance...

Alright, here it goes my ramblings:

I know that Joel is going to die. I never played the game, but it’s nearly impossible not to get some spoilers online nowadays.

It took me a long time to accept it. Part of me still rages about it and wish for the showrunners to change it, but... Let’s face it, it’s part of the plot. It just hurts to think about his death, since I absolutely adore this grumpy man that loves so much his adopted feral daughter. I love their dynamics, their bond, their family. It’s very depressing to think about his tragic ending after everything he’s been through.

Now, I know Joel has done some controversial things in order to survive and some selfish things simply because he wanted to keep that one person alive and in his life. He died with Sarah, 20 years ago, and Ellie somehow brought back to life a part of him long lost. How do you give up on that?

I’m not trying to analyze him. I don’t think I could do that, but I love them and damn, I wanted them to be happy and it pains me to know how much they still have to suffer.

It’s hard to accept... BUT...

I just thought that if I have to see him dying, I hope it’s nothing graphic, with his head being smashed in some Oberyn Martell fashion. I hope that somehow, like with Frank and Bill, we don’t fully see the moment. I don’t think I could stomach seeing Joel like that...

This man suffered so much... Lost so much... I just wish that in his last moments, where his brain is shutting down from the pain, he could have a moment of peace. Maybe instead of the blunt violence, we could see him going into shock and escaping into his head (where is safe and there is no pain), and a scene of him and Sarah together again. It doesn’t have to mean it’s supernatural or nothing like that, it could be open to interpretation.

Maybe just her voice calling him, maybe her face in his memories, smiling at him with eggs between her teeth. Maybe he’s delirious and dreaming about his family sitting down to eat breakfast at his little kitchen table. His precious Sarah laughing at his brave Ellie’s silly jokes, his little brother and Tess smiling and drinking coffee, how it was supposed to be in a different life.

Maybe Sarah goes to him, hugs him so tight he thinks that he finally feels that missing piece of himself back into place, and tells him it���s okay to rest now. 

If Joel Miller has to die violently, please, let him be at peace at the very end. He may have his flaws, but he’s a damn good dad.

Thanks for reading my Ted Talk. You may scroll away now!

Gif by oliviajdjarin.

[smartzelda]

Blorbo bingo go!

Autor (he counts he's the one your most attached too in the show. I KNOW YOU.)

Mikami

Prompto

Dib

Ienzo/Zexion (throwing him on here cuz you really were an Ienzo apologist for like a solid year buddy.)

Okay so for the good of everyone I've decided to put my answers under the cut because you *know* I can't shut up

ㅤ

Autor:

Okay you know what? That's fair. That's true. I was attached to him BEFORE I knew he was gonna be important. He was the most (side) character of all time to me

Boy sometimes your blorbo is a funky side character who just WANTS TO READ HIS BOOKS IN PEACE IN THE LIBRARY, DAMMIT

(And uh also stalk the pretty boy who comes by to search all the fairytales who you just so happen to be uper jealous of because he gets to live the topic of your special interest)

But he's idk he's more of a voice of reason for other characters, especially early on, but he's also definitely passionate. Somewhere between sensible and will do anything kinda guy. It's almost surprising he hasn't killed a man yet.

ㅤ

Mikami:

*GASP* HIM

I ADORE HIM

Okay I'm aware I'm going to have to explain myself a little

The feral square refers solely to the fact that he gets very much feral when he's passionate about something or generally *really* feeling an emotion. I think how he acts when he writes names in the death note + is noticed by Kira and during the entire yellow box scene (at least in the anime) is proof enough

I will not be explaining the Autism™ square. If you can't get it then 🤷 All you need to know is that even though it's not technically canon it means so much to me that this absolutely factors into his childhood and how things happened to him

Haha you know he's my favorite I couldn't hide it if I tried

He's my pathetic meow meow because he's a serial killer and he dies so tragically and just...sad. He's pathetic and committed atrocities and I love him

Let's be clear, when his mind is at it's clearest, he *is* the voice of reason. And yes this cam be true despite the murder. He has a strong black and white idea of right and wrong, and if he thinks something is wrong he cannot be swayed. It's probably only around Light those reasoning skills dwindle

Technically accidental parental figure is movie canon. I may not have watched the Japanese death note live action movies yet, but by god I live for Teru Mikami adopting Hikari Yagami. Now, of course I'm disappointed from what I know about how that specific plot works and how the movies handle Mikami, but...it's better for the brain if I think about Mikami adopting Light's son and pretending the rest of the plot surrounding that doesn't exist.

By god he needs it so bad. I think most people think he just needs it because he's "insane", likely evidenced by how he acts in the yellow box scene or when writing names, but it’s so much more than "oh, he needs therapy because he's crazy". No, dudes. He's *traumatized* traumatized. I'll spare you all most of my essay for now, but if you take a look at how he narrates his own backstory, it becomes so clear just how messed up a lot of things were, and how some of his feelings on the matter arised after the fact. Teru Mikami, as a middle schooler, did not actually think his mother should die because he asked her to prioritize his own wellbeing and stand down so he wouldn't be bullied. He didn't even begin to think that she must've deserved it and that it was divine justice until she'd died and he had to cope with it. Who he is is such a mix of all the trauma he endured by the bullying and uh harrassment (an understatement), having an absent parent, definitely being neurodivergent, trying to solidify clear differences between right and wrong, being orphaned as a young boy and having to cope with his mother's death, and just...god. Like, come on. There's no way that deciding his dear mother must've deserved death and *that's* why she died along with his bullies, turning from defending the weak to taking out "the bad people", and deciding that he's god's poor meow meow and *that's* why all this is happening because he's "chosen" aren't at least partly coping mechanisms of some sort. Okay, okay. I'll spare you all the full essay

Do I even need to say it? I need to be him now absolutely now. Pretty man with longer hair in trench coat and ah

I mostly marked the muse one for the "haha he's god's poor meow meow" joke but also god I have so much fic I need to write for this man

There's nothing like having identity crisis (in terms of neurodovergence) because you relate too well to a character who is absolutely not neurotypical and dealt with largely similar social problems (minus most of the harassment) to you while also being an intelligent overthinker haha

I don't 100% know why I marked this but it is not derogatory. Does he have a super tragic and traumatic backstory? Check. Is he also literally built to be god's perfect number one follower? Yes. My man looks good and neat, he washes regularly, he can cook, he started working out, he literally thinks he's god's poor meow meow, and he happens to think very very similar to Light so he does get praise. Like of course it implies he worked for most of what he had but by god man he's basically perfect? Like if I was Light I'd malewife him here and now. His life also went coincidentally so just so he *could* see himself and actually become god's poor little meow meow

There are so many reasons to be feral about Teru Mikami

ㅤ

Prompto:

Aaaa I haven't talked about him in a while but god I love him

I need to preface this by saying I only marked angst machine because he is a secret angst machine. Once you get more of his character it just starts leaking out until the dam bursts, man

He is like, quite literally that character who is happy go lucky and a sunshine boy and he's the protag's best friend and everything is great, right? Right??

Wrong. He struggles heavily with body image and fatphobia, his outgoing sunshine personality began as a cover so he'd be more appealing, he feels like a living lie for so many reasons (given that there's a blurred thin line between what of his personality is actually him and what's a curated mask, he pretended he wasn't who he was as a kid thinking Noctis would find him more appealing as he is now, he keeps most of his real thoughts and feelings and insecurities inside because he's afraid to burden them, he feels like an outsider in his own friend group because Noctis is the prince and Gladio and Ignis are connected to that, meanwhile he's just some commoner, and he's not only secretly *from* the empire Noctis's kingdom is at war with, but also was born to become I believe the energy source for the empire's robot soldiers (ik what they're really called don't worry about it)), and he even has an identity crisis! *slaps head of boy* You can fit so much trauma into it! Oh, and also it's implied that his adoptive parents are basically never around and that he's not sure if they care about him so

He needs therapy so bad

He also needs a kiss from his best friend as a treat. It wouldn't fix him but it sure would help

ㅤ

Dib:

Hehehehehehehhehehehehehehe

God I miss him

I am

Mmmmmm

I am literally vibrating okay ah so many thoughts whirring around the brain

I hope what this gets across is that he's an absolute bastard who really has an abnormal threshold for "just a normal Tuesday" and an interesting set of morals. He's a feelings denier, he's absolutely traumatized by all the shit in his life (what, from everything with Zim to going through literal torture to being basically locked in an insane asylum as a child to no one, even his father, ever believing him, to just trying to please a father who's never around and never seems to actually be proud of him, to the best friends he's ever had being another kid who's also probably heavily traumatized and is basically his stalker and well Zim). Whether canon or in aged up fanon this boy is messed up and traumatized, neurodivergent, self sacrificial, easily angered, passionate, and bad at feelings.

ㅤ

Ienzo/Zexion:

Hey HEY

I'm actually still an apologist thank you very much

Yes he did bad things no matter his circumstances and enjoyed it, and yes I acknowledge he could end up turning on the main cast and betraying them

However also he can do no wrong I love him in fact if he just so happened to uh get rid of Ansem tw I would say he deserves it. He can do whatever he wants

By god I am...too tired to go into it right now but wtf when you did into him just

By god so many things have happened to him. At least the rest of the org were older teens this boy was AN 8 YEAR OLD when he became a nobody. Think about that. You're an orphan kid who's practically adopted by the local king and the stern cold man of science. The former is "the fun dad", which means he uses you as an excuse to get his favorite icecream. He doesn't actually hang out with you because he wants to hang with you and doesn't seem to do most of the real parenting. The former cares about his science projects above all, and while he probably does all the parenting work he's far from warm and caring. And then all the people you live with/your older friends practically dramatically exile your technical adoptive parent and convince you that he deserved it, and then coerce you into you know literally having your heart pierced so you can divorce your heart from your body and not have to deal with pesky feelings. So he gets drawn into a literal cult at age 8. And then for the next like eleven years grows up as a nobody/without his heart while being told he's now broken without it and will never be able to truly feel emotion and care, and is also basically raised through these years by said cult made up of his friends and some sketchy people. And then of course he basically dies before coming back to life, and sure he's technically whole but he has complicated feelings about all this and of course now his technically adoptive father is back and just does not acknowledge what he put him through (Ienzo ends up being the one apologizing for everything in front of him as if he's taking the responsibility of it all above himself). I swear he's a ticking time bomb there's no way he can just stay okay with everything that happened to him.

ㅤ

Anyways, thanks for the ask, Xion! You know how I love essaying on my favs🥰

[gduncan969]

Lessons on an E-Bike

Matthew 7: 13 - 14 “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. 14 Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it."

Last May I reported on the tragic accident that happened to my son-in-law’s mother, Marg Tucker, a missionary with her husband, Tom, in Migori, Kenya. Marg was killed when a transport truck carrying a load of gravel lost its brakes and flipped over on top of their car, killing Marg and injuring Tom who has since fully recovered. The morning following the accident, their son, Jeff, (my son-in-law) awoke from sleep to hear his mother urgently telling him I’m fine but you must tell them to enter by the narrow gate and stay on the narrow path that leads to life because the time is short and many will fail to enter and will be lost forever. Jeff called his dad to tell him what he had heard from his mom and the news had tears flowing down Tom’s cheeks because those two verses from Matthew were the very ones Marg would speak on each time Tom called her up to the pulpit to say a few words to the various churches they visited. These two verses have troubled me over the years because they carry a warning to all believers to stay the course every believer must follow in serving the Lord and the course is not a cake-walk but a marathon. We who have committed our lives to Christ find it so easily to become complacent in our walk with the Lord, so much so that we find ourselves sliding off the steep and narrow path that leads to life back on the to the broad path that leads to Hell. We do not want the responsibility that comes with our salvation and prefer to enjoy ourselves and have fun with the rest of crowd. The word “FUN” lies at the heart of so much church activity these days that we have forgotten why the Lord didn’t take us to Heaven the moment we were saved. We know the price He paid for our salvation and know the promises He has given us but we tend to shy away from the responsibilities that such great love demands of us but knowing God’s Love for us is but one side of the Gospel message. The other side—which we are much less attracted to—is God’s Holiness. His Love warms our hearts and gives us a peace that passes understanding as we rest in Him and watch Him work in us and through us but the moment we get a whiff of His holiness we are terrified! Being terrified of His Holiness was the reaction of the children of Israel at Mount Sinai when they told Moses,

“You speak with us, and we will hear; but let not God speak with us, lest we die.” (Exodus 20:19)

It was the reaction of Isaiah when he saw the Lord and declared,

“Woe is me, for I am undone! Because I am a man of unclean lips, And I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; For my eyes have seen the King, The Lord of hosts.” (Isaiah 6:5)

It was the reaction of Peter when he agreed to “let down the net” at Jesus’ word (Luke 5:5) and suddenly found he should have “let down the nets” as Jesus actually commanded because his one net was overflowing with enough fish to almost sink the boat. When Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord!” (Verse 8).

Finally, it was what motivated Paul and his companions to preach the Gospel (2 Corinthians 5:11)

“11 Knowing, therefore, the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are well known to God, and I also trust are well known in your consciences.”

He preached the Word not just because he wanted to but because he had to. Jesus “died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again.(verse 15). Every believer, including you and me, is named in that one phrase, “Those who live”.

How Terrified of God Are You?”

In this present day and age, there is vastly diminishing room for complacency in our walk with the Lord. As society becomes more and more deceived, more and more corrupt, more and more anti-Christian, it is bringing upon itself the wrath of God which we are beginning to see in weather events, earthquakes, etc., that fill our TV screens. Life for the Christian is becoming more and more challenging and for many, that brings the temptation to ignore the narrow gate and follow the broader path of compromise with the world around us just to keep life comfortable. The COVID pandemic showed us that Governments can shut down churches, close schools, restrict our movement, freeze our bank accounts, censure us as homophobic, transphobic and indoctrinate our children as they please and those Christians who stood up against this have paid a hefty price. They continue to force our compliance with their anti-biblical agendas and many believers are only now beginning to waken up to what lies behind all of this.

The Narrow Gate and the Steep Path

God has given His children precious promises that reassure us that nothing comes our way that doesn’t first have to get past Him. What others do for evil intent against us, God works for good but that only becomes true in our experience as we commit ourselves entirely to Him and His purposes. The passage in Matthew 7 about entering by the narrow gate has never been one of my favorite scriptures because it challenges me to examine my life and consider which path I’m really on. When Jesus describes how it will be at the end of the Age (Matthew 24), He didn’t paint a warm, fuzzy picture full of Joy and gladness. Rather, He describes a time of great trial and tribulation such as has never been seen on earth before, a time when “nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be famines, pestilences, and earthquakes in various places. 8 All these are the beginning of sorrows.” which will challenge every believer to the core. I find that very frightening—even terrifying, but many fellow believers tell me that we will be “raptured” out of all that before it happens because Jesus is coming back twice, once in the air to collect His Saints and then on the earth, so we don’t have to be overly concerned—no need for any of us to even think about the terror of the Lord at that (or is it this?) time. Unfortunately, the parable Jesus told about the wheat and the tares (Matthew 13: 24 - 30) tells me it is the wicked that are taken out first and again in Luke 17 where Noah and his family remain while the wicked are removed as was Lot and his family (minus his wife) while Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed and removed (verses 26 - 28). Lastly, concerning the two men in one bed, the two women grinding together and the two men in the field, Jesus said one will be taken and one will be left but the disciples’ curiosity led them to ask, “Where Lord?”—where will they be taken?—and Jesus answered, to where the dead bodies are (verse 37) where they will be picked over by the vultures or eagles (birds of prey). The other one of the two will be left on earth which I trust means you and me (verses 34 - 36) with Jesus.

Riding My E-bike

Realizing the enormity of these end times for the believer and Jesus telling us that many will fall away during them, we need a better understanding of the narrow gate and the steep path Jesus spoke of to make sure we are on the right path. Today, I was riding my little E-bike along one of the many trails around my home town of Woodstock, Ontario. Initially, I traveled along a very smooth and wide path of newly laid asphalt just round the corner from my home (the road led to my local Tim Horton’s! I rode my bike with no concern about ruts, bumps or other obstacles getting in my way so the ride was very easy and unthreatening. However, things changed when I hit the forest trail and the path narrowed to less than a foot wide (see pictures). To get on the path I had to carefully steer the bike through a narrow gate and enter the comfortably wide path beyond but this quickly narrowed and I had a very difficult time keeping the small wheels on my E-bike on the path. My entire attention was on avoiding being thrown off the bike whenever I wandered off track and making sure I reached my destination. There was no room for complacency and my full attention was firmly fixed on staying on the narrow pathway ahead.

When I got home, it hit me I had just been taught a lesson about the narrow gate and the steep path to eternal life in Christ. There was no room for error and though my focus was on staying on the path to avoid the ruts, tree-roots and rocks that threatened to upend me, the journey was still enjoyable because I knew who was watching over me and was confident I’d get there without too much bone-rattling bounces. Also, there was no room for baggage hanging off my bike which would not allow me through the gate. Every non-essential had to be left behind for the trip but the reward was the beautiful scenery I was in the middle of and enjoying.

The end times may be the worst times the earth, including us, has ever seen but for all who have put their trust in the Lord Jesus they are the best of times as we experience his faithfulness, his guidance and His awesome, terrifying power to keep us through every trying circumstance. As we continue to place our trust in Him and stay focused on the journey, we will make it through victoriously and hear Him say, “Well done good and faithful servant..” (Matthew 25:21). The bible says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (Proverbs 9:10) but the end is a joyful eternity in His presence.

[complexhaystack]

OK I'm done w S5 of THT!!!

Admittedly S5 was a little draggy at first but the last few eps were good.

Here are some lengthy thoughts!

Luke

Some folks had warned me on my last post about Luke Bankole that he continues being as bad or worsens... OK I have two sides of thoughts to this.

In some ways he really stays the same - he has very little character development to be frank. There are times when he is still chauvinistic where I think besides indeed wanting to protect June, there's this fragile ego that wants to feel more like "the protector", or possibly more "manly" (since his wife is kickass). He also has this bad habit of posturing to try to be "cool" of sorts, like trying to play punk in the cages or trying to be nonchalant after he hears he might be caught for murder. Or the way he was threatening Serena, man that was just sad.

At the same time, besides all the stuff I've faulted him for in a previous post, I think he doesn't really deteriorate from there - just kind of remains in that same passive but still toxic subtle kinds of masculinity that makes him unable to trust that June has evolved.

On the grand scale of nutso things happening in THT, there prob isn't much to be done for subtle character developments of a more "normal" character anyway (normal in the sense that the rest of the characters often have very complex deep developments... Luke is kind of just there and wouldn't be out of place in some kind of slice of life show).

He does try to make up for his passiveness over the years June was in Gilead by very by-the-book methods. Considering the sociopolitical context they are in while in Canada as refugees, okay I guess. It feels a little like he's trying to assuage his guilt while I guess trying to protect June... Like, these methods are still more "active" than we've seen him do in S1-3 at least.

I then have to give him credit for the large amount of patience that he has for June - who, newly out of her traumatic environment but finding her safe environment growing increasingly hostile, reacts in ways that can seem impulsive or aggressive many times. Her reactions are understandable when thought of how her traumatic reactions are now coming to the fore, and all that suppressed rage is just barely finding a voice forward in an initially peaceful otherland (more on this later). To a caregiver - Luke - someone with such reactions may seem very unpredictable and violent, but to his credit he shows alot of grace and compassion with dealing with her reactions. So in a sense, June did need someone like that with her while she was starting to heal.

Luke letting June go on the train is his most heroic action.

I can leave off being super annoyed with him for now, even though he's a character I prob will still find hard to like. Let's see if he grows further in S6.

Nick

Aww man. I have seen criticisms of him as head of the Gilead Gestapo and thus not being worthy of June etc.

Nick strikes me as a really tragic character. From the beginning, when he was roped into Gilead'a crazy schemes, he was already trying to support a family member (if I recall correctly) while between jobs. He was recruited when he was down and out, by someone who seemingly was kind (and turned out a bastard).

It could be argued that he had a choice to not be an Eye in the first place. We don't really know how much this choice was present, especially considering he was privy to some very dangerous conversations by the early Gilead founders. As the show often points out, people in Gilead do what they have to to survive.

We see consistently throughout the show that after he falls for June, he always puts her first. Staying in Gilead when she gets out was I believe to keep an eye on Hannah, because otherwise there would be no one (at the time Lawrence and he were still climbing ranks). Climbing to the top was to make sure things will be safe for Hannah. I think.

And the reason I think this is because we never see Nick enjoy his position of power for the sake of it. He doesn't indulge.

He also never expects anything from the relationship w June despite loving her deeply - as he says in S5E10, when Tuello asks him why he didn't run with her, he said she didn't need him and "I'm nothing" (T_T). We see this again and again and again - he puts himself at risk so many times, he tells her he loves her so often, but he does not expect her to say it back or stay with him.

Also, he was upfront with his wife Rose about June - that's a man who knows how to show respect for his wife as well (which probably he also learnt from the tragedy of his first wife). And was physically respectful with June after he has married, mindful of his own family. (But... Still prob shouldn't have married, though I guess in part for survival)

Really wish June and Nick could have been together - I think he is one who genuinely understands her light and darkness, and can hold space for all that. And she can be vulnerable and petulant with him, in a world that demands her to be reasonable and suppressed. In fact OK I would say he's a bit too self sacrificial at times (like nullifying his own needs) which probably won't be healthy for a relationship in a stable world haha. But I think there's really no chance for their relationship. They're too torn between their families and the politics and violence T_T

Btw it seemed v OOC for him to punch Lawrence in front of everyone else. He's been able to keep his cool and survive for a long time... Wondering if we'll find out this is part of what Tuello needs him to do?

Tuello

Dude was a true star from day 1 man. Did all he could for everyone whenever and however.

Serena

It's frustrating cos now that there's an even more extreme Wife (Mrs Wheeler) out there, part of me hopes Serena and her kiddo are safe. But Serena has had so many chances for redemption of her character and ultimately ends up self serving. So unless she takes an active role in the destruction of Gilead for actually a greater purpose instead of her own interests (which... I doubt she would), imho she doesn't really need a redemption arc.

Her restrictions of freedom w the Wheelers are a tiny fraction of what she did to others in Gilead. No sympathy for her man.

That said, Serena in S1-4 had a great deal of amazingly complex character development and the actress who plays her is superb. The intensity of each scene is incredible where her character comes to fore. She plays Serena at times with fearful fury, at times with subtle control, and sometimes such fragile emotional vulnerability.

June

The above compliment of Serena's actress is more than I can say for June in S1-3 cos sometimes I have difficulty interpreting her long shots of vapid staring hahaha.

I think June has really evolved though, as a character, from a generally quite docile person (compared to her stronger-willed friends like Emily) to someone who is now able to tolerate terrible, terrible pain and still survive. She's slowly grown into someone who can make very difficult decisions and I suppose at the end of S5 Gilead has pushed a reluctant her to become more revolutionary. Should have stopped while you could, Gilead.

I did think at times in S2-4 that June does have a little bit of a "I can have my way" mentality, which I think not everybody was lucky enough to have her plot armour to survive her plans. But I appreciate the now older June who is a bit wiser and more battle worn, a bit more cautious. I hope her remaining friends survive.

Janine, Emily, Alma, Brianna, Rita, Moira

I'm sad with how Janine and the other gals have either been sidelined or killed off. I hope Janine comes back as a revolutionary force next season.

Where the heck is Emily!!! (OK I know the actress had to leave the show, but wish her character could have gotten more justice - I think the wrap up for Emily was kind of forced fed by June's need for wanting vengeance at the time and less about helping her friend heal)

I wish we had gotten to see Alma and Brianna free.

I wish we got to see more Rita (love the sushi scene) finding peace and doing nice stuff. I wish Moira had more development this season rather than just being The Friend.

Lawrence

I really enjoyed his complex development since S2... But I feel like he's regressing as a character in S5?? He says that he's improving things in Gilead but he has now returned to viewing lives as numbers and sums. He was endearing as a morally grey character in S2-4 because he was growing aware of his own fallacies and then took an interest in saving individual lives. But it looks like he's now more interested in retaining power and keeping Gilead alive. Eleanor would be turning in her grave.

Which is a real waste of his character development honestly.

Oh and I think his New Bethlehem plan is dumb haha. He was initially almost extinguished by the "backwater" Commanders of Boston side Gilead, what makes him think that other power hungry men who are even more draconian in their control of women say in the DC part of Gilead are gonna change?

In a separate note it was initially very hard for me to see him anything other than Jake Peralta's flakey dad HAHA.

All in All

I think S5 is the weakest season so far. It had some good moments near the end, but some intense character developments and plots went a bit down the drain sadly. Really hope S6 picks the pace back up and make it a good fight.

[lightningandfireinmybones]

lmaooo everyone has such nuanced thoughts on helaena/aemond meanwhile i am rubbing my grimy little gremlin hands together like i want to see the first incestuous love triangle between three siblings on mainstream television sdfnskj let helaena cuck her worse brother with her better brother and have some orgasms in the process!! everyone is going to end up suffering either way!! something i definitely do think is going to happen is that aegon (who is going to be on a power trip) is going to use helaena as a pressure point against aemond (and against alicent/otto). meaning aemond and co can never step too out of line because aegon's on a manipulation trip and using aemond's affection/love for helaena (whether it's just sibling love or they do go the romantic love route) against him. they've already done everything to set up how aemond covets everything aegon has been given freely and i think we are definitely going to see tension between the brothers (i hope!!) where aegon throws all of that into aemond's face (which could include his marriage to helaena though tbh i have zero expectations for helaena/aemond in canon i'm just happy with my little fanon ship) especially before rook's rest because something clearly went down between aemond and aegon before it since aemond for some reason let sunfyre and aegon get their ass beat before he swooped in and saved them. i just want to see ewan and tgc yell at each other and get in each other's faces lmao. sorry to word vomit!! i just want green sibling drama!! i don't care if it's tragic i've made my peace with it the writers are going to destroy all my faves anyway might as well get something spicy out of it!

you know what you have some excellent points

little gremlin brain that loves drama and sexy jealousy versus the rational part of me that doesn’t want the writers to ruin anything else for me

We’re gonna suffer either way we may as well let phia and Ewan and tgc act the SHIT out of it

Give me power struggles between aemond and aegon and helaena realizing the power she has over both of them, in very different ways, aemond and aegon having it out and helaena just leaving them to it content that they all die in the end together

TENSION AND SPICE AND JEALOUSY AND POWER STRUGGLES,,, now that is EXACTLY what we need

Anon you’ve opened my metaphorical drama potential eye that is actually the gremlin brain

[ranblobbers]

Book rant 🍓

Title: I Become A Burdensome Child After Transmigrating

Author: Biting Peaches

Genre: Romance

Status: Ongoing

My progress: Chapter 717

(I'm reading the English translated version found on Webnovel.)

Okay, I've been meaning to post a rant about this book which I have grown to love.

To give you an idea about what the book is about, it's about a girl who got transmigrated to a story she once read. Before dying, she felt very sorry for the villain of the story, thinking that the villain didn't deserve such a tragic ending (I think she scolded the author of the story, too). Now that she had transmigrated in this story, she was given the role of Su Jiu, the villainess who did everything to separate the female and male lead all to end up in vain and a tragedic ending too. This time, she didn't want to walk in the footsteps of the former villainess. She wants a peaceful life that is as far away from the leading characters as possible. Furthermore, she befriended the little villain, Rong Si (probably to ensure her safety in the book) and made sure to raise him well so that he will not end up evil, leading him to a tragic ending.

Although this book may sound cliché, as the "rebirth" and "transmigration" plot is pretty common these days in East Asian modern light novel literature, it is still a sweet and beautiful story to read. This story honestly made me feel like a mother, watching my two babies grow up together and fall in love with each other since the story started when they were still small toddlers. Currently, Su Jiu and Rong Si are now teenagers. Their age gap is 2 years, approximately. Su Jiu is attending a prestigious high school, and Rong Si is about to attend university. He skipped a few grades because of his high IQ.

About the characters, I like how the author gave life to them. Apart from the infinite charm that the main characters have, their personality overall is realistic. I can even relate to some of them. Their emotions and feelings are also written really well, making me feel attached to the characters. I'm happy when they're happy, sad when they're sad. I look like a fool in front of my phone, laughing and crying. I feel my heart ache whenever our little villain, Rong Si, encounter hardships. Truly, he doesn't deserve it. It's like the author of the story Su Jiu transmigrated into was really hell-bent on making him evil! No wonder Su Jiu scolded the author!

What sets this story apart from the rest of the same genre is that its character transition is impeccably smooth. If you have read other transmigration/rebirth stories, the change of character/personality is always too sudden, puzzling and shocking all the other characters of the story. Then, the female lead will always get away with the "I was blind! I'm sorry for the past mistakes I've done, I've decided to change." reason. Truly, it's not smooth. However, in this story of Biting Peaches, the transmigration happened when Su Jiu was still a toddler, making the transition smoother. Nobody was shocked of a sudden character development overnight. Additionally, the "villain" male lead, Rong Si, was actually given an adequate back story as to why he became a cold person. In other Chinese light novels, the male lead was always described as cold and averse to women since birth even if his family conditions are healthy and his life is practically flawless. It doesn't build the foundation of the character's personality well enough. On the other hand, Rong Si was described, in the beginning of the story, as like any other normal child: joyful and playful. Until one day, when misfortune befell on his family one after another, that this adorable child was forced to harden his heart to survive. He became cold to people because these people would often criticize and insult him and his mother. He also had trust issues and low self-esteem, as he lived a life of a beggar when his father kicked them out of their home. Su Jiu and his relationship started off as childhood friends, unlike other story wherein the male lead would fall inlove with the female lead unwaveringly at first sight. Then, as they grow older, Rong Si is starting to realize that his feelings for Su Jiu has exceeded that of a friend only. I'm screaming!!!

I also absolutely love how innocent Rong Si is. He's literally a cinammon roll, okay? That the author of the transmigrated story is purposefully trying to dirty. It's so cute how he'd approach his mom and ask questions like "what is a marriage", "what does wife mean", and so on that he saw from Weibo, the internet. Plus, I like how careful and understanding and DOTING he is to Su Jiu even if he is still a child. He is such a mature boy, big green flag! He is very careful with his actions whenever with Su Jiu because he is afraid to do anything that might displease her, making her not want him anymore. Everything that Su Jiu gives him, he will treasure like some priceless item. He also feels jealousy whenever other boys approach and befriend Su Jiu but he knows his boundaries as they are not an official couple YET, and Rong Si understands that Su Jiu is just a friendly and charming girl. Honestly, Rong Si's jealousy can be understood in the perspective of his insecurity that Su Jiu might find someone better out there, abandoning him just like how Rong Si's father abandoned him. He was poor and his reputation isn't good, what if Su Jiu finds a rich boy who could give her everything she wants? Good thing our Su Jiu is devoted to Rong Si and is rich enough to dote on him. I'm sure the tables will be turned in the future, tho!

As for Su Jiu, it's adorable how she assures Rong Si that she will never ever leave him no matter what, which eases Rong Si's heart. This two, OMG! The truth is, Su Jiu still doesn't have deep romantic feelings for Rong Si now that they are teenagers, but she is starting to have them!! It's funny how she feels guilty about it because she thinks of herself as older than Rong Si because of rebirth. She is starting to get jealous too!! Ooh la la~

Another thing, the side stories are also entertaining, like the love story of Su Jiu's mom and dad, as well as the love story of Rong Si's mom and Su Jiu's godfather(uncle in name) which I anticipate very much!

The actual female lead and Su Jiu also became good friends, and I hope it remains that way because I will kill to ensure the safety of my two babies! Anyway, I don't worry about Su Jiu's ending as her life is stable right now. Instead, I worry about Rong Si. I hope our cute little villain won't end up as cold-hearted as he was in the former story~~

Su Jiu, come save our Rong Si! Seriously, he makes me worry a lot.

This story's concept is unique and the translation is so good! I hope that it maintain its translation quality, let's pray! T^T

[deadstrangeblog]

A John Doe who remained unidentified for over 60 years finally got his name back thanks to DNA technology.

On the evening of Monday, March 27th, 1961, a motorist picked up a hitchhiker around the area of Centreville, Alabama. The boy was young- between the ages of 15-18 and he walked with a limp. He had dark hair but parts of it had been bleached blonde. He mentioned to the driver he had run away from home after his parents’ divorce in North Carolina.

While the pair were driving across the Cahaba River, the car smashed into the guardrail and tumbled into the river below. The motorist was able to swim to safety and survive the accident, but tragically the young boy had broken his neck and drowned. Upon recovering his body, there was little to go on in terms of identifying him, however it was clear he was dearly loved and was religious. In his pocket, he carried a photo of himself and a girl of a similar age with the inscription: “Think of me always and remember how we used to go places together.”  Unusually, this photograph has never been released to the public and the identity of the girl has not been discussed. He also had the message “RY+ LOVE” carved into his left arm. 

For decades, the Bibb County John Doe has remained in the thoughts of locals and internet sleuths alike. Being unidentified for so long, it seemed unlikely that he’d ever get his name back as the likelihood that his relatives had all passed away became a depressing reality. With the hopes of new DNA technology, funds were raised and his body was exhumed in 2016 and DNA testing was performed in order to identify him. They used bone fragments to extract the DNA, but the process of linking it to any relatives proved difficult, and for over 4 more years nothing turned up. Finally, a breakthrough came after the DNA was sent to a different lab in California. The had found a match: A brother, now 77, who lives in Florida. When his brother ran away, he had been in the army and had always wondered what happened to him. He was “very emotional” to learn the truth about his sibling, who we now know was called Daniel Paul Armantrout, a 15-year-old from Tennessee who wanted to start afresh after life with his mother and stepfather became too much.

May Daniel rest in peace.

[sirfrogsworth]

This is Jon or "Jonco" as he liked to be called. He ran the blog Bits and Pieces. He was a brother in blogging, you might say. I met him in a small group of bloggers who would ask for advice or just complain about our posts not doing well.

I was very saddened to hear that Jonco passed away a few days ago. You can read the post his family wrote on Facebook about what happened. Just so tragic.

Jonco was one of the first paying clients I ever had. This is a photo I took in 2016—just after I had started figuring out studio lighting and portraiture.

He wanted a nice professional photo of himself for his blog. I was quite nervous about the photoshoot. I had only photographed my parents and a few friends up until that point. No one had actually paid me yet.

But he was so affable and friendly that we quickly grew a rapport and my nervousness melted away. He made jokes as I clicked away on my camera and it really helped me get better at being a portraitist. I can't thank him enough for that.

It seems he was loved by many and brightened the lives of his family and friends. I'm not sure you can ask for a more meaningful life.

May he rest in peace.