#waking up before 6 am which again SUCKS but at least i don't have to be at work till 10 pm. so there is that. also i will have the next wee

[seenthisepisode]

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[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

A Cat in the Kitchen

Part 1 (ft. Riddle and Silver) I Part 2 (ft. Trey and Kalim) I Part 3 (ft. Jade and Lilia) I Part 4 (ft. Deuce and Jamil) I Part 5 (ft. Malleus and Ruggie) | Part 6 (ft. Cater and Rook) | Part 7 (ft. Sebek and Floyd) | Part 8 (ft. Ace and Idia) | Part 9 (ft. Leona and Epel) | Part 10 (ft. Jack and Vil)

In which Gordon Ramsay-kun is isekai’d into Twisted Wonderland. Part Food Wars, part Hell’s Kitchen, all Master Chef—Night Raven College isn’t ready to take on this Michelin Star celebrity!!

Ready for a short supplementary cooking class?🌟 A day in the life of Prefect Gordon and his familiar Grim, told in three parts: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. After all, food is tastier when it's shared with friends and family~

Imagine this…

Gordon Ramsay stirred before the rats and the ghosts of Ramshackle dorm did. He was up by 5 am most days, first exercising and then rustling around in the kitchen fighting the gas stove to light (and stay that way!) and taking inventory of the dwindling ingredients in the pantry. At 7 am, the delicious smells would start up, rousing his housemates from their slumber.

This was the magic of a human incapable of spellcasting or sorcery.

"Mm... You're up super early again," Grim muttered from the doorway as he rubbed at his eyes. He yawned, still struggling to shake off the last remnants of sleep that clung to him. "I dunno how you do it."

"Not so hard once you've got the hang of it," he grunted in response. Gordon wiped his hands off on a dish towel before sliding a plate toward Grim. "Eat up now, we don't have much time before classes start."

"I dunno, I'm not too hungry."

"You? Not hungry?" Gordon's brows raised. "That's new. You feeling under the weather?"

Grim leapt, looking as though he had been caught with his entire body stuffed into a cookie jar. "N-No, I'm not! Yup, there's my hunger comin' back to me!"

He hurriedly yoinked a tuna sandwich and chowed down.

"See?! Ah'm jus' fine," Grim insisted, cheeks stuffed.

"Hmm, alright." Gordon tucked into a small bowl of oatmeal--prepared with baked bananas, almond milk, and dried cranberries.

"You got class today too or what?"

"Yup. Ashengrotto and the smaller Shroud this time."

“Think they’ll drive ya mad like the rest of them did?”

“I’ll hold my tongue until I’ve seen how they are in the kitchen for myself.”

“Keh, you’re no fun.”

The beast’s ears flattened. The blue fire that burned so brightly seemed to dim. Something weighed on his mind—of that, Gordon was certain.

“That means you'll abandon me before lunchtime again..." Between chews, Grim complained, "How come I gotta be just a student and you get to be a teacher too? The great Grim-sama oughta be showin' these newbies a thing or two!"

"I only teach what I know. I'm still a student in some ways, learning new things about food every day." Gordon shrugged, giving his friend a rough ruffle on the head. "You can be a teacher when you've mastered everything there is to master--neither of us is quite there yet."

"Why can't it be? I wanna fast forward to the part where I become an archmage already!!"

"Don't be impatient about making progress. I’ve made hundreds of dumplings in a day and still came nowhere near the level of perfection of a dim sum master.“

“Tsk, that sucks. Didja at least get to eat the bad dumplings?”

“It was all I had that day. They weren’t fit to serve to customers.” Gordon shook his head. “My point is, you’ll get there one day. Nose to the grindstone, Grim. You've got to work hard to earn it."

He spooned up the remainder of his oatmeal, then deposited his dirty bowl and spoon in the sink. Gordon plucked up Grim, who still had a mouth full of tuna, and tucked him under one arm.

“M-Myah?!“

“Right then, let’s head out. Brisk morning jog to wake up the senses—it’s a brand new day!”

“Lemme finish my breakfast first, sheesh!!”

Three classes before lunch, and they all went about as well as Gordon had expected them to. (That was to say, not well at all.)

During first period Alchemy, Grim had earned the ire of Crewel by disregarding the potion recipe. In spite of Gordon's reminders and warnings, Grim had taken one too many missteps. The wrong ingredient, the incorrect amount, the temperature too low or too high, the stirring too much or not enough.

He was then caught catnapping during Magic History and extensively told off by both Trein and Lucius. (The meowing had gotten very intense.) Gordon had apologized profusely in Grim's place.

Flying had not fared any better--Grim struggled to concentrate, his unsteady magic causing his broom to wildly buck, attempting to chuck him off. Gordon had to stop his rep of 100 push-ups to fetch his friend out from a shrub. Twigs poked at him, leaves caught in his fur.

By the time they were dismissed back to the locker rooms, Grim had melted into a furry puddle on Gordon's shoulder. "Maaan, I'm beat!! That was rough!"

"Rougher than usual." Gordon crunched on an apple. He had taken to the habit of eating small platters or snacks throughout the day over whole meals—it was more efficient for his lifestyle. “Something you want to tell me, or…?”

“N-Nothing’s up!” Grim snapped. "Quit worryin' about me. It's the boss's job to do that for their minion."

The chef rolled his eyes as he set Grim down on the floor beside him. He handed off a boxed lunch wrapped in a checkered cloth. "I'm off to teach. You'll be fine on your own, right? Find Trappola and Spade, settle down with your food, and don't cause trouble."

"I got it already!" Grim huffed. "Catch ya after...?"

"Always." His smile was strained, a bit tired but true. "Maybe I'll bring back some disastrous stories to share with you over dinner."

One last pat on the head, and then he was gone. Hustling down the hall, the white of his pristine chef’s jacket vanishing behind a corner.

Grim managed the rest of the hike to the cafeteria, balancing his lunch in his paws. He squeezed past the legs of various mob students, emerging safely on the other side. They rushed to line up for trays of food.

Suckers, Grim thought, paying in cash for food. Luckily for me, I’ve got something way better than whatever they’re serving.

“Oiiii, Grim! Over here!!” someone called to him. He looked—and there they were, the duo of troublemakers, marked by a heart and a spade upon their faces.

“Ace! Deuce!”

He scampered over to the two Heartslabyul freshmen. They had already secured their lunches, as well as an open seat for him.

“Hard night? Looks like you didn't get much sleep," Deuce commented. A fluffy omelet wobbled atop a mountain of ketchup fried rice on his plate.

“He's right, you really do look awful," Ace added cheerily--blunt as ever. He had opted for a slice of some savory pie, vegetables and meat oozing out from a buttery crust.

"Sh-Shuddap! The great Grim-sama was up all night cookin' up something big!" He slammed a paw down on the table. "Just look at your sorry lunches. They can't compare to what I have!"

"Did Prefect make your meal again? You should try to not trouble him too much.”

"’S not like I tell’m to! He does it on his own!” Grim snickered to himself. "He takes all these cheap ingredients and throws'm together to make these tasty dishes."

"Well, don't keep us waiting in suspense," Ace groaned. "Show us what you have already."

“Let’s see, let’s see!”

Grim undid the fabric knot that held his lunch in a swathe. The checkered pattern peeled back and the lid, once removed, yielded a creamy, cheesy bed of tuna bake.

Gordon had taken his beloved canned tuna and fried it down into flakes. It was then combined with a special mixture of seasonings, pasta shells, melted cheeses, onions and broccoli, and topped with bread crumbs. After a generous bake in their ancient oven, the dish had come out golden brown and bubbling.

“Whoooa, smells delish!!” all three of them drooled.

“Lucky bastard,” Ace muttered. He quickly put on a cheeky grin, his spoon prepared. “Ne, ne~ Lemme try some, Grim!“

“D-Don’t be cheeky, Ace! You can’t demand to mooch off of someone else’s lunch,” Deuce scolded his peer. “… Even if it does look really good.”

“Paws off!!” Grim shielded the box with his body. “My minion made this for me and me only!”

“Tch.” Ace’s expression dropped. “You get to eat like a king for free while the rest of us have to shell out and make do with whatever’s on the school’s menu.”

“It’s not that bad,” Deuce pointed out. “It’d be nice to be able to eat for free but I’m happy with the quality of food we get for the price.”

“This comin’ from the guy who was running low on pocket money for a snack the other day?” he smirked.

“H-Hey, I need to budget, okay?!”

While the duo bickered, Grim had started to shove his face into the box (silverware was too difficult to maneuver) and wolf down his meal. Cheese sauce painted his fur, bits of broccoli and tuna dotting his jaw.

It was heaven—or as close to heaven as he could get on the earth.

He licked his lips appreciatively, mopping up what was left on his face. Not even a little could go to waste. Grim was determined.

As he went back in for another mouthful, he felt a phantom hand cascade across his head, his back. Advice from that morning filled his mind.

“You’ll get there one day. Nose to the grindstone, Grim. You've got to work hard to earn it."

He shut his eyes, making a silent vow.

I’ll definitely… definitely pay ya back for all the hard work you’ve been puttin’ in too, partner.

Gordon bid farewell to the ghost chefs on his way out of the kitchen. The day’s leftovers and unused ingredients overflowed from his arms—a perk of the teaching gig, which helped to feed him and his feline roommate. He mentally parsed through what was available, dreaming up new dishes for the days to come.

There was a nice chunk of fresh tuna (Grim would love it) in his brown paper bag. Perhaps he’d sear it with a sesame crust, then drizzle the seafood in a yuzu-lime dressing to brighten it. He’s plate it with a microgreens salad. Chives, arugula, celery, radish, and ruby sorrel to encourage Grim to eat a variety of vegetables.

He made his way out of the school building and down the long, winding path to Ramshackle dorm. The sun was still out, warming the worn Prefect.

On the front porch, he rustled around in his pants for the keys. When he finally fished it out and inserted the teeth into the lock, Gordon swore he heard a series of suppressed giggles from beyond the door.

Odd.

The door swung open, and he was immediately accosted.

"Welcome baaack," the Ramshackle Ghosts chirped. One ushered him in from behind, another too his groceries off of his hands, and a third tugged him along by the arm.

"Come this way! Grimmy's got a treat for ya!"

"He's been working hard on it the second he got back from his last class."

"Oooh, you're gonna LOVE it!"

"What about dinner?" Gordon protested, watching his beloved ingredients sail off.

He was thrusted into their dingy kitchen--which doubled as the dining room, thanks to the table and chairs set up in one cobwebbed corner. The same old Ramshackle he woke up to every day. Rusty knobs and hinges, chipped cupboards, electricity and running water that blinked in and out.

But there, set on a table with uneven legs and splintered wood, was something extraordinary.

It was a stout cake, iced in light blue with a layer of dripping white and several lit candles stuck into the top. Black frosting formed the vague shape of a fish, TUNA piped over it in white. A single lollipop--pale blue, and in the shape of a paw--casually rested against the cake, as if it had been tossed on top for an extra flair.

A furry mass tackled and hugged Gordon's leg.

"Grim?!"

He was suited up in his own little chef's uniform. It was deep gray, verging on black, his apron tied with a striped-purple ribbon. A tiny toque--a chef's hat-- sat between his ears, a bandage over the bridge of his nose. A smear of white icing decorated his left cheek, and he carried with him a telltale piping bag squeezed thin.

Gordon blinked. "You did this?"

"Nyahahah! Were you surprised?"

"You told me you couldn't cook to save your life."

"He can't," a ghost piped up as he deposited the groceries onto a counter. "He's worse than I was when I was alive!"

"That's why Grimmy's been getting up in the dead of night lately. Been, what? Gotta be a few weeks now."

"He's been practicing his baking and then cleaning up the traces of his crime before you get up."

"What..."

"I wanted to pay ya back, yanno! For all the cookin' and cleanin' and whatever," Grim mumbled shyly, kicking at the ground. "So I figured I'd treat ya for once! I was thinking of a sticky toffee pudding at first since that's your favorite, but... it gets so sticky, it was hard to work with!"

He patted his stomach. "I couldn't put my stuff in the trash can or else you'd notice, so I had to eat up all my mistakes too! It was a lotta effort and way harder than it looked, so you'd better be grateful!!”

Grim looked away, rubbing at his bandage.

“… It helped me better understand and appreciate all the things you do on the daily.”

It clicked.

Everything suddenly made sense. Grim's tiredness, lack of focus, decreased appetite, defensiveness—it was all for this very moment.

"... I see." Gordon bent down, a smile taking shape on his mouth. A steady kindling in his chest. “This is your way of saying ‘thank you’.”

“M-Maybe! An archmage has gotta take good care of his minion,” Grim muttered.

The prefect laughed softly. “And you’re doing a great job at it. Hang tight, I'll get the stove going and whip us up some seared tuna to go with the cake."

“Myah?! Y-You’ve got tuna? Like, the real stuff?!” Grim’s eyes were wide and sparkling. A line of drool ran down his chin. "Fancy tuna...!!"

"Yeah. We can plate some for the ghosts too--so they can join us for a meal in spirit." Gordon nodded at their other roommates. Their pale faces brightened with excitement.

"Can we really?"

"It's been so long since I was last invited to a celebration like this!!"

"Oh, but we can't eat... Ghosts don't have digestive systems. The tune would pass right through us."

"... Grim, you have eat their shares. More importantly, it's being together for the occasion that matters, right?"

"Whoo-hoo!! You're the best minion an archmage could ask for!!" Grim cheered, leaping into the air, furry fist pumping.

“Let's get this dinner party started…!”

[yuri-is-online]

Twisted Time Loops (CH. 6/7 Spoilers)

I have been going insane while reading chapter 6 for... several reasons, but mostly because literally everything I read convinces me some sort of time travel/looping going on here, and that it's probably Malleus's fault. Screenshots and ramble under the cut.

"1,000 years will pass in a blink of an eye." is what Malleus promises us in the pv for his chapter, but that's not the first time this specific amount of time has been mentioned in TWST. It has appeared twice in chapter 6 so far, first when Idia is measuring Grim's blot level:

And second pretty much immediately afterwords when Idia and Ortho are talking about the phantoms trapped in Tartarus:

What Vil says here is extremely important to me. "Living as a hate filled monster for over a millennium." We don't know if 1,000 years will actually pass in chapter 7 yet, but if it does, based off everything said here, Malleus could still be alive and suffering on a level unlike any of the previous overblots we've seen before. The main issue would be whether or not the phantom that exists 1,000 years from now is still Malleus. Idia and Ortho make it pretty clear, in my opinion at least, that the phantom an overblot produces starts as a separate entity to the mage. After a while the phantom consumes and replaces the mage, but it's unclear how much of the mage's personality remains. Will there be anything left of Malleus to reason with when we wake up? Or will he just be a mindless phantom trying desperately to keep his "paradise" alive?

To be honest I don't think any of this is groundbreaking news. It just means that twst is pretty good at foreshadowing things. What's really confusing, to me at least, is when you start trying to fit Grim and Yu into this puzzle.

It's pretty much accepted that Grim has something to do with the Chimera we fight in the prologue, even if that isn't something the game has outright confirmed (yet). What I initially focused on the first time I read this chapter was Idia saying Grim was "a magical fusion of a direbeast and some kind of animal..." and "a direbeast with high blot density." Mostly because A) hahaha sucks to be you Grim you really are a cat and B) what the hell is a direbeast? A chimera is a fictional beast created by fusing more than one creature together, so it makes sense that Grim could be labeled a chimera given this description, but again, what is a direbeast in Twisted Wonderland? Direbeast puts me in the mind of direwolves, which in fiction are typically portrayed as highly intelligent wolves, sometimes capable of human speech. They are almost always portrayed as un-repentantly evil, and occasionally working with evil aligned races, Tolkien's orcs immediately come to mind for me. But that's Tolkien and this is a very well researched Disney game, so while the concept is likely similar there's still a lot we don't know about monsters in Twisted Wonderland, in fact the only things we do know for certain come from the start of chapter 6: they attack human villages and their default nature is seen as violent. I would add screenshots here but I am reaching my limit, but Ace is the one who tells us monsters attacks humans (he is apparently capable of watching the news) and Crowley is the one who suggests Grim attacking us might simply be his true nature as a monster shining through. Because he isn't sketchy enough, clearly.

So monsters regularly attack human settlements, and we can assume that they can accumulate blot based off what Idia says about direbeats, but that just raises the question of why anyone would create Grim in the first place. Is the spell Idia found traces of on Grim, the "thousand year old primeval magic," responsible for his creation, or something else entirely? Assuming there really is a time loop going on, I think it's safe to assume that what we see at the start of the game with the forced loss to the chimera is what happens during the "bad end," maybe the end of the previous loop. So why would I say this is all Malleus's fault if we are loosing to a chimera?

If there really is a time loop going on, there needs to be an original timeline. Malleus overblotting honestly seems like an unavoidable event, Lilia was always going to leave him eventually and (as important as Yu is to him) this is clearly what has triggered him going off of the deep end. As much as I like Lilia, he is not exactly... the best parent. If he leaves with the same abruptness in every timeline I just cannot see things going any other way. So let's suppose Mallues overblots, locks everyone in a sleep for 1,000 years and now we are stuck in a loop trying to undo that. Did the other boys overblot in the original timeline too? I don't know. Idia says he finds it hard to believe Vil, Jamil, or Leona would overblot under normal circumstances, and while I am unsure if I agree about Jamil I don't think saying he has a point about Leona is remotely controversial. If an outside force is causing these particular overblots in the first place, then that sort of pokes holes in Malleus being solely responsible for this theory, but then we need to ask why. Who benefits from these overblots? The answer appears to be no one, or at least no one we have met.

The two most likely theories that I have seen are A) the whole game is a dream we are having while asleep under Malleus's spell and a side effect of trying to wake up, and B) just that we are re-setting time. I don't think these two theories are mutually exclusive exactly, we could just be re-setting a dream as opposed to time, but the question of how we got here remains. So here are my theories:

The spell Idia senses was cast on Grim by Malleus for some unknown reason. The only real evidence I have to support this is that A) he cannot tell if it is a blessing or a curse, Malleus' signature spell is a blessing that sounds like a curse B) Ortho says the only real difference between the two is intent anyway so there is no real reason to think Malleus could not use his magic to do either. The age of the spell could be a misdirection, it is 1,000 years old and it is ancient magic but that is because Grim was created 1,000 years in the future in a timeline that no longer exists. The flaw in this theory is that I don't think there is any concrete evidence Malleus knows how to cast "primeval magic." Sure he knows how to read ancient texts, but he says he is not as powerful or knowledgeable as his grandma and balks at being compared to the thorn fairy. Seeing as he isn't exactly humble I am sure we would know if he could.

The spell Idia senses has something to do with the direbeast used in Grim's creation. My logic for this is that we don't have any evidence to say that the direbeast used in Grim's creation wasn't the Chimera we see at the start of the game. Maybe that direbeast has been around since the age of the gods, which is apparently only around 1,000 years ago since that's the time period Idia gives for both primeval magic and as the age of the oldest phantoms (as of ch. 44 , so that's subject to change.) We don't know anything about how monsters age, use magic, or behave in their natural habitat so anything is possible as far as this is concerned. Maybe he was sensing Grim's signature spell for all we know.

Mickey says that he has had the same dream three times already, but immediately after that he says "There are always living cards and a dancing music box, too... But your voice gets clearer and clearer every time." People tend to gloss over that, but now that I think about it? I assume this refers to Ace and Deuce (the living cards) and Ortho (the dancing music box). He ends his little speech by asking if we maybe aren't a dream, which is what most people focus on in addition to the fact that he can see Silver. I have no idea what this means other than confirming Ace, Deuce, and Ortho are always a part of this timeline somehow. Maybe they are always friends with Yu? Who knows but good for them.

This is mostly just for laughs, but originally I was kicking around Yu not being present for the original timeline. My thought process was that maybe they got summoned to be Malleus's friend so he would have someone to rely on once Lilia left but that back fired because Yu wants to go home and also has no magic. I don't really think that anymore, Yu's presence probably has more to do with the creation of Grim. While theory 1 sounds much more plausible to me, I am kind of rooting for Grim and Yu to be 1,000 year old leftovers from some sort of attempt to contain blot that went terribly wrong that Crowley decided to dig out of some sketchy storage unit somewhere to try and fix his problem children. I think Yu deserves to be the FFXIV Azem of this story, which isn't something you should google if you intend to play that game.

Anyway that's all I have got, feel free to reblog and add your theories I am curious as to what other smarter people noticed. Just remember to tag appropriately.

[lizard-shifter-noms]

Wayward Waters Chapter 6

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Hello everyone! Chapter 6!

time to explore more of the world!

this Story contains Vore, Dont like dont read.

have fun reading!

and as always Reblogs are appreciated! (Also ASK’s are open so feel free to bother me!)

AO3 Link for those that prefer the layout there;

AO3 Wayward waters

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I blinked and slowly woke up, seeing a wooden ceiling.

My head felt heavy and my thoughts foggy.

Did I fall off the mast?

“Whhuh?”

I tried to sit up but a somewhat webbed hand forced my head back onto the pillow.

“Please stay on the bed for now, we don't know how exactly you will react to Rimkir root so don't move”

What root? And reacting to it?

My vision was still blurry and my head foggy but I felt like I was in the wrong place.

“Wha hapn?”

I felt extremely confused, the last thing i could recall was, uhh..

Oh right, sitting on top of the mast and having a FUCKING Panic attack!

I tried to sit up but the half webbed hands shoved me down again.

“I said to stay put! Does nobody ever listen to medical advice? You're just as bad as Ronan!”

I blearily looked up at the person I could now identify as Imik.

And I had almost forgotten that Ronan was also somewhere in the ship.

“Wha? Did he wake up? Wait what happened to me? Why am I not on the mast anymore?”

Imik looked tired, at least from what I could see and I suddenly felt bad.

It wasn't their fault, they shouldn't have to deal with my shit.

“He woke up a few hours ago, He's better now but tried to walk around right away. 

I ended up tucking the blankets so tight that he can't move anymore.

As for you, well you had a pretty bad panic attack.

We ended up sedating you so we could get you down from Jamie's nest, which was kind of a logistical nightmare.

Do you feel any better now?”

Sedating me? Was that what the sweet smelling thing had been?

“Uh, im better now, my brain foggy tho”

Imik absentmindedly nodded and then bent down to fetch something from the floor.

He then handed me a big glass filled with clear water.

“Drink something, I'll have to go and see if Ronan managed to wiggle out of the bed, but you can just yell if you need anything else”

With that he left and I was alone in a small room that definitely belonged to someone else.

There were knicknacks strewn about and half a shirt looked out of a chest that had been shoved into a corner, making it look like the wooden thing was sticking its tongue out.

I stared at the glass, wondering whose room I was in, judging by the sizing of things it definitely wasn't Jamie’s, if they even had a normal room aside from the nest thing.

Whatever, I smelled the water to make sure it wasn't salty before slowly drinking it.

My brain still felt a little foggy but compared to the panic attack I preferred it.

I laid back on the bed and just stared at the ceiling for a while.

All of this sucked, like a LOT.

Man, I wanted home!

I kept laying there for half an hour feeling extremely bored.

At least until I heard footsteps on the other side of the apparently rather thin wooden wall if the sound of voices was anything to go by.

“...-anic attacks really suck, what are we supposed to do if he gets another one?” “Well for one not let him climb the mast again! What was the big idea for that anyway?” “It wasn't my Idea! I think he wanted to climb it out of curiosity!”

“And you let him? No wait, I bet you even taunted him for every mistake he made while climbing!”

“So what?”

“Guys, calm down”

“So what? SO WHAT? You keep egging people on! On the stupidest of things! I swear one of these days someone is going to jump in an underwater volcano because of you!”

“I assume im being ignored for the sake of anger once again”

“No, that's just not true! Unlike most people I've met, I know when to stop!” “Really? You do? What about the time you-‽  MMPh!”

“That was one time! You're really gonna harp on THAT Forever?”

“Jamie take your foot out of Imiks face please”

Okay what was going on out there?

I stood up and went to the door, opening it to a rather comedic sight.

Jamie had their clawed foot in Imiks face and squished his cheeks while Imik gripped Jamie's arm and tried to push them away to no avail.

Also I was pretty sure the position they were in was only possible due to Jamies weird legs seeing as they were both rather contorted and tried to strangle each other.

They froze when tha saw me in the position they were in, with Jamie half of the ground, foot in Imiks face and Imik trying to wrestle Jamie away.

Also Akeem was behind them.

Both Jamie and Imik looked at me.

“Ignore this!” “Didn't I tell you to rest?”

Came it from them in unison.

“It's a bit hard to rest when you guys are so loud, what are you even doing?”

They let go of each other, Jamie somehow not falling over.

“Nothing important!”

They said at the same time only to be suddenly grabbed and lifted off the ground by Akeem, leaving their legs dangling out of reach of the floor.

“Apologies Donovan, we will stop bothering you now”

I just stared at him for a second.

Then Jamie wriggled around and started scratching his face with their clawed feet, creating the sound of cat claws on a tile floor.

Despite the assault on his face he didn't even flinch, or blink.

Must be nice to be able to not give a single fuck about that.

“Uh, okay? I do feel better now, how's Ronan?”

Imik pointed two doors down the hall before he and Jamie were dragged away by Akeem.

Jamie still trying to scratch his face unsuccessfully.

Well, that was weird. 

I walked to the door Imik had pointed at and knocked softly.

I felt better now and just laying around was not doing me any favors, Might as well see how Ronan is doing.

“Ronan? Are you awake?”

I heard some rustling sounds and a dull thump, What the hell was he doing?

“Door is unlocked! You can come in!”

Of course the door was unlocked, scatterbrained as he was.

I slowly opened it and saw Ronan lying on the bed, only half under the covers and with his feet on the headrest.

So the sounds I had heard were him jumping back into bed.

He looked at me confusedly.

“Oh, uh, Donovan? You're… smaller”

Oh right, last he saw of me was when I turned Giant to transport him out of the Eel pit.

“Yep, it's me, how are you? 

The eel bites looked nasty, do you feel any better?”

He nodded despite the weird angle he was laying in.

“I feel better! Still incredibly sore though, and there is one nasty bite on my lower arm! Look at it!”

He held his arm up and began undoing the bandages.

I looked on for a second in shock before swiftly walking up to him and stopping him by holding his free arm away from the bandages.

“I believe you! I think you should let the bandages stay on, if you're so keen on showing me you can just get me the next time you change them okay?”

He looked disappointed but relented luckily.

“Sooo how come you're smaller? And two legged? OH! Can you shapeshift into anything else? And how do you do it? Can you use magic? If so, what kind?”

I was taken aback a little by the wall of questions he threw at me.

“Can you maybe ask one question at a time? I barely remember the first one you asked!”

He stopped talking and blinked confusedly.

“Oh sorry! So should I start again but slower?”

I looked at him with a deadpan face.

“As far as i know you should be resting, and i'm pretty sure i heard you running around, i just came in here to see how you're doing”

“Oh come on! I'll be fine! Ain't the worst that's happened to me! And I was just at the window! I wanted to let Imugi know I'm better!”

As nice as wanting to tell his Sea Serpent that he was okay now was he really shouldn't run around with what was essentially a lot of small lightning damage.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, still not feeling all that good myself yet.

“Five questions, but then you have to promise to rest as long as Akeem says”

Akeem seemed the most level headed out of them so this seemed reasonable to me, besides I did not want Ronan to injure himself further.

His face seemed to light up at the prospect of getting to ask Five questions though and I felt like I'd regret that soon enough.

“Okay! Deal! Soo first question uhhh, 

OH! How many forms can you shapeshift into?”

At least he picked an easy one for the first question.

“Three, the fuzzy green thing you saw, which is called an Ardua by the way, the Giant one and this human sized one, that's all”

“What? Only that? Man and here I was hoping for a cool dragon or something! 

So wait, I just remembered you barely ate anything as the… Ardua you called it? Do the plants on your back do photosynthesis? And can you use their energy?

Question number two, and quite an observant one, especially for a scatterbrained guy like him.

“Yes to both of those, like plants i can get get energy from sunlight if i'm in that form, which is pretty practical”

His eyes went wide and he started fiddling with the blanket.

“Ohhh! Man that must be awesome to not need to eat! 

If Imik didn't remind me I'd forget it sometimes!

Okay next question, number three right?

Your Giant form looked really tall! Any idea how tall exactly?”

How tall? Well he was in luck that had just been very recently measured.

“According to Jamie who measured me out of Boredom i'm forty five feet tall, no idea if that's accurate though”

“Forty five??? Fuck that's really tall! And I doubt Jamie made a mistake in measuring, they helped in the past measuring things in the past and it was always pretty accurate, so it's probably correct!”

So Jamie was right about me being forty five feet tall,  good to know that I was garbage at estimating my own height.

“Okay question four! Uhhh, what's your preferred form? Like the fuzzy one? Or the Giant one? Which one?”

My favorite form? Hmmm, each had their advantages and drawbacks.

The Ardua form looked scary and had no thumbs, the Giant one was strong but didn't fit in a house, The human form did fit in a house but was comparatively weak.

“Uhh to be honest no idea, they all have their advantages and drawbacks like, the fuzzy one does not have thumbs, the Giant one is too big for a lot of things, and the human sized one is weak compared to the other two.

I guess i like the Ardua form for sleeping though, in that form even sleeping on the floor is somewhat comfy”

He nodded wildly and seemed to think for a moment.

“Okay, Question number five, How do you shift? Is it like magic? Or more Biologically? I've seen Merfolk that can change their tail into legs and back! Is it like that?”

Of course that's what he HAD to ask, ugh, but I told him I'd answer five questions so that's what i was gonna do, not like he could use the bracelet anyway.

I held up the arm with the bracelet and tapped it.

“Don't tell anyone but this thing lets me shift, and no you can't use it, it's locked to the genetic code or whatever Oakley called it, meaning if anyone without the necessary genes puts it on they will die.

So do NOT under any circumstances put it on, you hear me?” He nodded, gaze transfixed on the reflective material of the bracelet.

“That is so cool! 

As soon as we're back to base you have to show me all the forms!”

Well, that went better than expected, at least he wasn't asking to wear it himself but maybe the warning did come across to his brain properly.

“I'm fine with that, the sooner we get there the sooner you get to poke at the forms and the sooner I can get back home!” He nodded frantically, nearly tearing holes in his blanket with his nails.

“Oh if you help me to the window I can tell Imugi to go extra fast! And tell her I'm fine! I didn't quite make it to the window before you came in…”

He admitted and I rolled my eyes, this guy's self preservation was Garbage at best.

“Alright, just don't complain to me when your wounds reopen!”

“Oh don't worry! I have a high pain tolerance!”

That comment made me think back to Fable,  the poor guy also had no idea what happened to me.

God, I missed him as well.

“That does not sound as reassuring as you think!”

He just shrugged and I helped him stand up by slinging one of his arms over my shoulder, idly noting he was about the same height as me.

Then I slowly maneuvered him to be right next to the window which he immediately opened.

“IMUGI!”

There was an excited whistle click sound and suddenly Imugi was in front of the bullseye shaped window which was too small to let her fit her head in.

Not that she didn't try tough.

Ronan just stuck his hand out instead.

“I'm fine girl, and I'd be even better the faster we reach home. 

Can you be a dear and bring us to Kariba Island as fast as possible?”

Imugi made a weird sound that was a mix of chirping and whistling and dived under and out of sight again.

Only a moment later there was a tug on the boat and I could literally feel how we went faster.

I held onto Ronan so he wouldn't fall over.

“Man she's fast! And she's towing the entire boat!” Ronan laughed at that.

“Yes! She can hold that tempo for quite some time as well! You should see her zoom around without being tied to the boat! I even made a saddle! I keep falling off though so I gotta tinker on it still!”

I wasn't sure what surprised me more, that the Sea serpent could hold this tempo for an entire day or that Ronan made an entire fucking saddle for her.

Okay the saddle somehow surprised me less, and even less that he still had to tinker on it.

“A saddle? Really? I hope you can hold your breath well then! 

Now let's get you back to bed”

He grinned and nodded, half hanging over my shoulder like a wet cat.

“Fine by me! A deal is a deal! And I got to tell Imugi I'm fine so that's even better!”

I gently guided him back to bed and set him on it properly, not the weird upside down thing he did before. 

“Oh before you go! Could you hand me a book to read? Its so fucking boring just laying around!”

While talking he pointed at a closet that was built into the wall of the room with lockable drawers.

The keys for it were on a hook right next to it that was bent so much the ship would have to be upside down for them to fall off.

I took the keys and opened the drawer he had pointed at, seeing a total of ten books, picking two random ones I chucked them on the bed where Ronan immediately grabbed them like a possessive drake.

“Thanks! Finally less boredom! Also I hope when we get there we'll find a way to get you back to your friends!”

I stopped for a moment where I was in the doorway.

“Thank you for helping, now just focus on getting better Imugi had looked so sad when you got Injured!”

That seemed to surprise him.

“She did? Ough, I gotta apologize for that later to her!”

“Not only her, Jamie, Akeem and Imik where also worried as fuck!”

With that i left the room and closed the door behind me.

Man, what a chaotic bunch, but at least we were closer to that Kariba island now. 

Maybe I should ask them if they got a map of the island?

Knowing what it looked like might be nice.

On the way back to the deck I ran into Jamie, who immediately grabbed my arm with one of their bird leg claws, and dragged me along.

Man they were strong for someone so small, first getting dragged into the nest and now I was forced to keep up while they only hopped forwards on one leg.

“You GOTTA see what Island we are going past right now! And it's just the right season too!”

Island? Right season? What?

“Wait a second, what do you mean? 

Why are you dragging me to see an island? 

Are we going to stop there?”

They just shook their heads, dragging me onto the deck and towards the railing.

“Nah, we ain't gonna stop! So that's why you have to look now!”

Well, I had no idea what this was about if we weren't even stopping at that island but I still looked if only to stop Jamie from digging their claws in even more.

The island we were sailing past was VERY colorful and looked to be completely overgrown by every flower possible in this climate, giving it an almost unreal appearance.

“How many flowers are there? And how come they all grow there?”

Jamie just grinned widely, showing a pair of dull fangs.

“Ha! I knew the guy with plants on his back would like this! 

Apparently some odd years ago a ship that was supposed to bring lots of rare flower seeds to who knows where got stranded on the island and broke in two! 

The seeds were just left there and at some point started growing!”

All the flowers were from a single shipwreck? 

Wow, I was almost tempted to ask them to stop the boat so I could try and get some for Robin but that would mean wasting even more time.

Suddenly a webbed hand grabbed the railing from outside,  heaving the attached body onboard again.

It was, of course, Imik.

He also had a little burlap bag slung over his shoulder.

“I found some seeds that were waterproof packaged! Part of the wreck is actually still there! Just underwater!”

Man Imik had to be a fast swimmer to get there and back while we drifted past it, the island wasn't really all that big even.

He then reached into the bag and tossed me a little thumb sized box made out of bronze, shaking it I could hear lots of little things hit against each other.

“Here! You can have one! I doubt those contain any plant that's not already growing on the island!”

“Oh, uh, thank you, I actually know someone that would love this!”

He grinned, which showed a mouth full of shark-like teeth, and gave a thumbs up.

“Great! I myself am quite bad at keeping plants alive for longer than a week anyway!”

He then speed walked away to the door into the ship,  his webbed feet making a weird plap, plap noise as he walked.

Yep, chaotic bunch.

I stowed the thumb sized box away in the little bag that already contained the fossilized sea star for Fable.

Looking back at the island I noticed Jamie had used their claws to hold onto the railing and squat down like a bird would.

They really looked like a chicken right now with the way they sat on the wood.

I decided not to mention it and instead watch the flower island until it was out of sight.

It was really pretty, man I wished my friends could see this, Especially Robin! He'd love this!

At some point Jamie walked off,  going back up the mast to be the lookout again.

The island was out of sight now, Imugi was really fast, and strong, so i had nothing to do now.

I had already checked in on Ronan, Jamie was back up the mast and I was absolutely NOT climbing that again.

Maybe I could ask Akeem or Imik for something to do? Oh wait, Imik wanted to show me how to properly hold my breath for a really long time!

Then we got interrupted by the chaos on the eel island and kinda forgot.

Not to mention the fact I had a panic attack.

Yep, not fun.

I walked through the door I had seen Imik disappear into and found myself in a room filled with shelves and boxes, all nailed or screwed down so they would fall over should the ship be hit by a bigger wave.

The shelves themself were so constructed that they had drawers instead of bare wood to place things on, and every single one was lockable in a way that would prevent them from sliding open unprompted.

Quite an architectural feat in my opinion, and considering that Imik mentioned he was a treasure hunter they were probably filled with various things he brought up from the sea floor.

“Looking for something specific?”

I startled and turned around, coming face to face with the Merling.

“Oh, uh, kinda? You said you would show me how to hold my breath for a really long time?”

“Oh right, I did! Good timing, I was just getting bored again after stashing my new stuff!”

I was then dragged along for the second time today, but this time I was led to a more open space in the middle of the room which had a carpet nailed down on it that seemed to be made out of seaweed.

Remembering last time I had gotten a short instruction I sat down on the carpet while Imik did the same opposite of me.

“Okay where were we last time? Like what did I already tell you?”

“Uh, you told me to like, calm down and slow my heartbeat?”

He nodded, at least I had gotten that right.

“Apnea is about expanding the capacity of your lungs. 

At a depth of 30 meters, the lungs are only 25% of their actual size, so With diaphragmatic and lateral lung breathing, more air can be inhaled! 

And if you slow your heart down and are calm your body uses less air!

Fantastic isn't it?”

I had understood maybe half of what he was saying, but he'd probably show me anyway.

Yep. I was right in that as he started to explain how to control one's breathing among some other things.

And thus the day was spent learning how to do various breathing exercises.

While unusual it wasn't as boring as one would have thought, At one point I had to hold my breath while Imik tried to get me to laugh or poked at me.

Apparently that was to make sure I wouldn't spit all the air out should a fish startle me.

While probably true he seemed to have a good time with it, and it was a little funny

He had also been positively surprised when I told him about the only breathing thing I knew, to calm someone from a panic attack.

He immediately jotted it down in a random notebook.

We continued with that until the door was slammed open and Jamie waltzed in.

“AY! Dinner time you idiots!”

Already?, though, looking actually outside showed the sun was way lower than before. 

We really had spent all day with the Apnea diving thing huh?

Well, i did feel like i made some progress, like being able to hold my breath for about seven minutes now, Maybe more, we didn't have a clock.

Whatever, maybe now they had something to eat that wasn't sandwiches.

No they did not, and by now the bread was either stale or soggy again, somehow.

I politely declined under the guise that since I had plants on my back in Ardua Form I didn't need to eat anyway.

That and I didn't want to use more of their resources than I already did.

And so I got out of eating stale sandwiches, for now at least.

“Are you not a fan of sandwiches?” Asked Ronan then, gnawing on his own rather stale bread with what was probably marmalade.

“Well, depends, and not everyday for sure, don't you have anything else on board?

Since I had gotten onto the boat the only thing they had to eat were those sandwiches, which couldn't be healthy.

“Well, the dude that cooks had to stay home cuz he broke his ribs!”

Interjected Jamie nonchalantly while grabbing another bread.

“What?” “Yeah! The crane we have on board was getting some heavy box up and somehow slammed him into the wall! Apparently the pressure of being squished between the crate and the wall just snapped some of his Bones a few months ago! 

Good thing we know a pretty okay doc!”

I was just staring at Jamie who told a story like that completely nonchalantly.

Yeah, these guys had a few screws loose, maybe even used them to keep the boat together.

“Oh, well, I hope he gets well soon?”

I said awkwardly, not really knowing what to do in such a situation.

“Eh, Yamet is fine, next time he can go back on the ship as well! I bet he's incredibly bored though!”

At least that was nice, but man these guys were crazy.

Oh well, better not say anything about it.

Though if they made such jokes this Yamet guy was probably fine.

Probably.

The only somewhat calm dinner of stale bread and possibly moldy marmalade was interrupted by a loud boom and an impact that shook the entire ship.

What? What was happening?

The entire crew had already sprung up and hasted to a variety of places, Jamie back up the mast, Akeem and Imik got entire fucking Cannons.

Ronan was already nowhere to be seen and I had no idea where he went.

Hopefully back inside as it appeared we were under attack.

Not really knowing what to do, I walked over to where Akeem and Imik were, already stuffing a cannonball into the cannon to fire back.

Not knowing how to operate a cannon or even how to help, I tried to get a glance on what was attacking us, which turned out to be another ship.

Pirates? As far as I knew they were a big enough Problem that Rikaad had wanted to deal with it himself.

Worse was that the enemy boat was bigger than ours and probably had more people.

Imik and Akeem fired their cannon and managed to hit the low side of the enemy ship.

Unfortunately we got hit again, the ship going very lopsided for a moment and I could hear a weird screech.

Looking up I saw it was Jamie, who was upside down and held on to the outermost piece of the mast with a clawed foot.

Oh fuck, they'd fall in at any moment!

Leaving the experts to man the cannon, I ran to the other side of the ship, only seeing out of the corner of my eye that apparently Imugi had rammed the other boat, causing some of the men on board to freak out at being attacked from a sea monster.

Man, I hoped they wouldn't shoot at Imugi.

Unlikely though.

I was positioned at the railing, still not anywhere near Jamie and thus not able to catch them as they fell, another cannonball impacting at the same time and causing the crane to fall overboard where Jamie was just moments ago.

Being horribly reminded of what had happened to me not that long ago when the mast crashed onto my own head I jumped in after Jamie, shifting while jumping and inhaling as much air as I could, doing as Imik had shown me.

I dived down after Jamie, seeing that one of their legs had gotten tangled in a rope from the crane and they were desperately trying to get it loose.

I managed to swim after them right as they went past an underwater cliff, the top part of the crane scraping against the rock with an unpleasant noise.

Not having thumbs currently I simply bit into the crane, not like it would be usable anymore anyway.

Jamie got loose, kicking their thin legs which were definitely not made for swimming and tried to swim up, which thanks to having so thin legs was agonizingly slow.

Then the crane which had been scraping against the rock knocked a boulder loose, which in turn bumped into more rocks, freeing them and causing an underwater landslide.

Jamie got hit square in the chest by one and was dragged even deeper down as the rocks went towards the bottom of the ocean and I dived after them, taking them into my mouth due to a lack of thumbs.

Their legs were still sticking out and my mouth was filled with water, not allowing them to breathe either as one of the bigger rocks hit my back, pushing me deeper underwater and ending up trapping me on a shelf like rock formation as more of the rockslide buried my lower half under it.

Fuck, now i was trapped with no air, 

and even worse was that Jamie had no air either.

But I had a little bit of air, maybe I could share?

Tentatively I pressed Jamie against my palate, pushing out as much water as I could and then let my mouth fill with some of my own air.

I felt them cough and while maybe a bit stale the air was still better than nothing.

But now what? I was trapped and there was no way for Jamie to get back up without drowning.

NEXT / PREVIOUS / OVERSIGHT

[lantur]

highlights,

I had such a good Sunday!! I cuddled with Westin this morning while I drank my tea, had a good stairclimber workout at the gym, and went to my beloved garden store afterwards. I bought four new plants - three sedums, and one lovely Coral Bells. Derek helped me put them in the ground today. I think I just need a few more sedums and maybe one more dianthus (to be purchased next week) and then the front yard will have undergone enough Improvement from the barren wasteland it was before.

It's really been a great boost to my mental health to beautify that space and be able to take care of the plants every day. I love walking or driving up to the house now and seeing the pretty plants in the front yard. Truly peak Suburban Existence over here but I love it.

I got a lot of time to write today. :))

I finished a few really interesting (nonfiction) books recently - Unwinding Anxiety, by Dr. Judson Brewer, and All the Living and the Dead, by Hayley Campbell. Both really powerful and deeply affecting reads, for different reasons. Definitely recommend Unwinding Anxiety for other people who struggle with anxiety. I also finished Strangers to Ourselves, by Rachel Aviv, which was a really special and moving read about people's experiences with mental illness.

lowlights,

Traveling for work SUCKS. I hate crowds, so airports are a special kind of hell for me. It's exhausting to fly across the country to attend a conference and then back home. The whirlwind routine of Uber, airport, Uber in the new city, hotel, find somewhere to eat, wake up at 6 AM for a conference, Uber again, airport again with security lines and waiting at the gate, and return home late the next night, is tiring af. I miss being at home with Derek and Westin. Literally the only good thing about it is putting all the Ubers and food purchased out on the company credit card.

I had to travel out of state for work twice in June and once in July so far. I have two work trips on the calendar for October and I am hoping beyond all hope that I don't have work travel again until at least September.

[meikostan]

OK finally watching oshi no ko anime, it turns out all i needed was to go outside for like an hour and im normal again

my thoughts under the cut (writing as i watch) (long) (lots of thoughts) (beautiful and true?) (manga reader) (don't read if anime only) (spoilers) (seriously) (i talk alot) (lots of thoughts)

at this point i've reread oshi no ko enough times that even if i didnt already know japanese i could probably make it without the subs SDJLF but its so cool to see lines and panels that im so familiar with brought to life!! i also liked goro's death scene, especially the way they used static and cut between shots. i keep on pulling out my physical copies of onk (well mostly vol 1) and pointing at my screen and the corresponding part of the book like

2. AIIIII little known fact about me is that ai is genuinely my favorite character... WHICH SUCKS BECAUSE SHE DIES IN THE FIRST VOLUME. seriously we only ever get to see her after this when a. her name or demeanor is invoked by another character b. aqua has his numerous mental breakdowns or c. flashbacks (including but not limited to aqua's mental breakdowns). i am always down for ai content!!!

3. its so much easier to ignore the weird vaguely sexual stuff from their babyhood because i know the rest of the series is normal and cool and not into that sort of stuff👍

4. speaking of normal yayayay it's aqua back when he was actually normal and not "normal" :D like he is just a baby. do you think now that oshi no ko is popular people will get into internet arguments about whether you can ethically have aqua as your favorite character post-normalification. actually wait this may already have been happening in the dark depths of some discord server out there.. but i dont use discord so im blissfully unaware

5. OH i dont think ive seen all of the OG b komachi before? or at least not in high detail. epic!

6. infant ruby telling people on the internet "kys" before age 2... truly a model twitter user

7. not gonna lie i havent really ever liked the way babies are drawn here (including manga)... idk their heads just look way too big like adult heads drawn on toddler bodies then ""cutified"". but this is a personal gripe

8. do you think because of infantile amnesia the twins forgot about the whole pretending to be amaterasu moment. do you think miyako still remembers. can you imagine being the foster mother of two kids who you believe to be gods sent to earth. do you think she remembers that she was "charged by the gods with keeping ai's secret" and then aqua. you know.

9. imagine: you married the ceo of a mid production company because you want to date hot men. there are no hot men in sight. you have to watch over one of the idol's twin infant babies. they reveal to you that they are divine messengers of god and also they can speak normally. there are no hot men in sight. you tend to their every need because you don't want divine retribution. you explain the intricacies of the idol industry in detail every couple of days when they complain about the injustices of the world. there are no hot men in sight. you become their foster mom after they witness the traumatic death of their mother, whose secrets you where charged with keeping safe. at least 12 years pass. they never mention any of this again. you manage the idol group one of them is in. there are still no hot men in sight. your name is miyako. every day you wake up.

10. i like how gotanda gives his business card to a toddler. whats he gonna do, call you on his fisher price dial phone? well actually nevermind aqua is probably the only other toddler (alongside ruby) who could make use of a business card

11. KANAA LETS FUCKING GOOOOO but also nothing will ever top 'lick a lying snitch/flick a crying switch'...... nothing ever... :( also taking the opportunity now to say ive always found it hilarious she assumed 'aqua' is his stage name and not his actual legal name, that's how ridiculous it is DSKLFJ

12. sobbing at the ruby ai dance... dont even have that many words i just really like it.. do you guys think ai was thinking about her own mom [& abuse/lack of relationship thereof]? not even just in this scene but in her more serious moments when she's thinking about her kids it's like "i want to make millions so they can go to the nicest schools and have the nicest things" "i want my daughter to dance freely and happily and i will support her in this" which ig can also be excused as 'thats just what a normal parent wants' but idk i like taking into consideration her own past and lack of parental support when looking at the way she tries to raise her children (not that she exactly got a chance to, even while still alive)

13. also i realized at this point that ep 1 is like an hour long not just because of the whole 'we gotta make sure no one drops this before the reveal that shows what this story's actually gonna be about', but also because it would be kinda awkward to have cut any of these scenes out? or not like out completely but like from each other. like if we had ended ep 1 at for example where they do their silly baby dance and go twitter viral (chapter 5 aka the midpoint of vol 1). that wouldve been terrible. but we can't cut it any earlier, or any later. ai's death feels like the natural conclusion to this problem. also i can't really see much of the other sections being stretched out to fit a full episode length being done very well. having ep 1 be a full 90 minutes lets them be as long as they need to be, aka a 1:1 adaptation of the manga.

14. oh boy chapter 9 time

15. i don't have anything to say about ai's outlook that has not already been said but this is the scene that made her my favorite character. not being able to tell at what point your lies become reality.. not really knowing if you've ever loved or been loved truly because your entire concept of 'love' was based off insincerity necessary for survival.. and now not ever being given the chance to explore what 'real love' means to you. FUCK

16. aww i love all these little family moments they added! very cute ^_^

17. yayy go kids get traumatized ^_^ also for some reason i remember the stalker as having really light hair o-0 fascinating. i remembered his name though!! just like ai fr

18. speaking of hair i also did not realize saitou was blond i thought he had brown hair..

19. hey the bandana (? i forget the word) guy holding the ai fan sign during the news montage is from one of the intros to the vol 1 chapters where hes like 'oh yeah i wonder where those dancing babies are now'!

20. another part of that montage shows a house with a wii in it, which came out november 19 2006. characters are shown using twitter which started earlier that same year; it was a pretty popular website even in 2008, but the mobile app only became a thing in like 2010. i'm seeing a mix of flip phones and smart phones so this has gotta take place sometime around 2010. it's kinda difficult to tell exactly what age the twins are in the main story because like the first page of vol 2 has ruby listing her age as 14, but - and the proof is not at my finger tips rn - i swear to god they're like 16 at this point. i have legitimate reasons to believe this but i need to grab exact proof adding to that we also have 15 years of lies, which if im remembering right would be referring to the twins age? i was trying to logic out exactly what year oshi no ko takes place in even though i already know the answer is 'in the modern day' but anyway yeah i'll just finish my episode and move on

21. THE IPHONE RUBY IS HOLDNIG HAS A HEADPHONE JACK. i want so badly to say that's an iphone 4 but there's like a separation between that and the power button. i also dont have an iphone 4 with me so i cant check it irl :( but anyway the iphone 4 was released in 2010, meaning the evidence is piling up for this part of the story taking place some time around 2010. or maybe i'm looking too deeply into this and should go back to actually watching the episode.

22. this is reminding me i was gonna write a fic specifically about this time period where the twins go to therapy and have to adjust to life without ai, having miyako graduate from fake mom to actual mom, aqua faking being fully recovered from the incident so he'd be released from therapy (fic concept was inspired from him stating this in like vol 6), etc. i never did because i spent like 3 hours researching play therapy and never got anywhere with it.. but maybe...

23. THE KIDS HAVING TO WATCH HER FUNERAL THROUGH THE FUCKING CAR WINDOW... I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF

24. YESS AQUA NORMALIFICATION COMPLETE

25. AM I INSANE OR IS THAT AKANE? HER HAIR COLOR IS THE SAME BUT IT'S SO SHORT

26. MEM!!!!

27. AHHH POST CREDITS AI MAKING HER VIDEO FOR THE TWINS "i don't think i'll still be an idol by then" YEAH BUT AT WHAT COST 😭

FINAL THOUGHTS: i liked it alot ^_^ i dont really watch that much anime anymore (not that i watched an incredible amount before, but i am familiar with it) but i really liked this. i think they did a very good job of adapting the first volume! i know the rest of the episodes will be not-film length which does make me a bit sad because i think it would work out well, or at least not badly, if they were. it does also make me really excited for the future, seriously i will actually explode when i see the theater arc in full. cannot wait to see aqua mental breakdowns and ruby evil arc and and and and

the only thing i would've liked is if they could somehow have found a way to incorporate the pre-chapter intro scenes from the manga where they're talking about 15 years of lies, interviews with their pre-school teacher, etc. though both the pre-school teacher and the aforementioned bandana guy appear which may have been their way of doing it? like adding a fun detail for obsessives like myself to point at like 'my god it's those guys from exactly 2 panels in the manga'

tumblr ate my post and erased everything up to #2 while i was writing it and i was about to flip but it turns out that it automatically saves posts while youre writing them now and it was in my drafts safe and sound soooo crisis averted ^_^ anyway those were my thoughts on ep 1

[dzpenumbra]

5/27/23

I'm officially angry with my upstairs neighbors. And I honestly don't know what to do about it.

I got to sleep around 6 or 7 AM. I was woken up at fucking 9. Some kind of hammering or pounding on the wall right next to my bed, on the floor above me. It went on for like 30 minutes, at least. Long enough for me to give up on falling back asleep. Then I got sucked into an internet black hole for like 2 hours... then I went downstairs, made some cereal and ate it while watching skate videos. Then I got ready to go back to sleep, and picked out a binaural beat thing because that actually does help me fall asleep really well, especially for daytime naps, which I've always struggled with. The second I put the video on... they started pounding again. Not even exaggerating, it's fucking comical. I had to straight-up restrain myself from yelling. Really really bad fucking timing. And I could hear it plain as day with the noise cancelling and the audio in the headphones too. After a bit, they stopped long enough for me to fall asleep.

I shit you not... get ready for this... I woke up at like 3:30... on a Friday afternoon... to the sounds of them screaming while having sex. So loud that I could hear it over the noise cancelling, so loud that it fucking woke me up.

And... I'm just gonna get personal here, because... that's what journals do... I have some sexual-related traumas, and I have PTSD. And... though it's definitely not the dominant theme of my PTSD shit, it definitely sets off some really difficult shit for me. So... sex-related things can be a bit complicated for me, and waking up to that... it's really hard to put into words how unsettling that is. And, honestly... now that I'm thinking about it... I really feel for anyone who has young kids who lives in my apartment building. Like... that would be really fucked up for a young kid to hear that at 3:30 on a Friday afternoon.

And I'm once again in this position where... I'm getting thousands of reflexes pushing back against me right now. Years of training. "Do not complain. Do not be an asshole about this. Don't be that guy." Saying "something you're doing is causing severe disruption to my daily life" is me being an asshole. Saying "please don't vacuum at 4 AM the day before Easter" is me being an asshole. Saying "please let me know before you do building maintenance on an adjacent wall, especially in the AM hours" is me being an asshole. Saying "please don't hammer on the walls at 9AM on a Friday morning" is me being an asshole. Me saying "please don't blast action movies 6 feet above my bed at 10 AM when I go to bed at 5" is me being not just an asshole, but a dysfunctional member of society on a backwards life schedule. This is the narrative that has been trained into my head, and reinforced over the course of years... possibly my entire life. Likely my entire life.

I just...suck it up. And on good months, I find some way to... tap into compassion. Like my sloppy reflexive take on the Buddhist monk approach. "They have a right to their lives too." "They don't know they're upsetting me." "I can just sleep later." "I'm the one with the weird schedule that I can't fix."

I dealt with this same shit at my last house with my landlord fucking mowing my lawn outside my window, like literally a foot away from my head... twice a week... starting as soon as fucking possible. He mowed that grass so fucking much that it was all dirt in the corners around the fence from him over-mowing. And I told my landlords multiple times "I work nights, I sleep in, please mow the lawn after noon." But it was nearly always around 10 or 11, and never on predictable days... just whenever the dude felt like it. And it would take all day. And it would rile my dog up and get her barking, so I'd have to chill her out and hang out with her, on like 5 hours of sleep... and that just became my life until the snow started falling again. I even offered to mow the entire lawn for them - they were retired and lived in a building on the same property - if they gave me a little deal on my rent, and they flat-out refused to even talk about it.

I genuinely don't know what to do. I feel like sleep disturbance is probably the most significant factor in my difficulty functioning in society and my difficulty in managing my mental health. And... I'm writing this at 4:30 AM.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I love the peace of these hours so much. I love the creative flow I get at this time. Plus... I just keep gravitating back to this schedule. I can't fucking help it, it just keeps happening. And it's been happening for like... half my life. What the fuck do I do about it? Do I write an email to my building manager, ask for a meeting and just chat with her about the problems I'm having and see what she suggests? Do I try to find out what room is right above me and leave them a note saying, "Hi, I live below you, you have really loud sex and I can hear all the screams and (no offense) I really don't want to hear that. I also would really appreciate it if you could keep it down a little bit in the AM hours, because I work nights. I'm assuming you don't know how loud you are because you don't have an upstairs neighbor, it's not the end of the world, but it's fucking with my sleep a lot so... if you don't mind keeping it down a bit I'd really appreciate it." Do I go with my plan of playing recordings of babies crying through a bluetooth speaker pressed directly against their floor while they're having sex? Do I find those noise machines that make annoying sounds that only young people can hear, and play that when they're making noise in the morning until they leave? I just... I don't know what to do.

I mentioned in therapy about my brainstorming on this here a few days ago. I struggle confronting people. Because it has gone so fucking horribly, traumatically wrong for me, so often. And not by fault of my own, by the way. That's the fucked up part that I'm really starting to wake up to.

God, okay... let's go down this memory road, because it's a super important one for me to remember. I was at the retreat place... trying to get off of meds that I was stuck on for what ended up being mental health misdiagnoses... living with about 10 people in their very early 20's. We were at a workshop with the eccentric founder, who was also the head of the Psych department at a local university. She was actually pretty cool, just... pretty out of touch with people like me, struggled to relate and communicate with me. She was running a workshop she called "The Shame Game"... where we all go around the circle and write a moment when we felt most ashamed, then we share it with the group, and hear what others think of it. I think it's a genius idea, and the fact that I'm referring back to it years later is pretty clear proof that it really is helpful for the right people. But it's a big step for people who aren't really... there yet.

For me, I wrote a moment that - at the time - happened pretty recently. This is probably not going to make any sense when I tell it, but I swear it's exactly how it went down. Let me get some ice cream first, so I can get through this, this one's a bit rough for me.

Alright, so it was Summer 2019 and I was well into my return to smoking weed and reconnecting with being an artist after my breakup and first experiences with death. I had been going out to the stream on my property every day with my dog, rearranging rocks to make the stream into a sculpted Zen Garden. I saw a standing dead tree trunk out there, about 4 feet tall. I was inspired to chop it down and make a bench out of it. I had no idea how, I was just going to figure it out as I went along. I called up my mom and floated the idea, because my hatchet and axe were over in her garage - along with the majority of my possessions. See... I used to live above that garage for about... 7 years? And I was assured that it was okay for me to move in at my own pace, and having my stuff there wasn't a problem. I felt some pushback from her on the tree trunk idea, and I have no idea... why? Or... why that was really any of her business? Like... I wasn't asking her permission, I was sharing an idea hoping for something like "wow, that's a cool idea" and just like... being respectful to let her know that I was planning on coming over (I lived 5 miles away) and getting my shit from her property, so she wasn't caught off-guard. I don't remember that conversation going poorly, but in the years since, she recalled it as very clearly telling me "no". ... As though she... has a right to keep my personal possessions away from me... her (at the time) 32 year old son... because she thinks I'm having a mental breakdown or something? That was the fucking paranoid narrative going around in that house. All because I was smoking pot and grieving a lot of losses alone, and reconnecting with art and spirituality.

But I digress... I... thought we were on good terms. I remember clearly, I was wearing a bandana and sunglasses, a white wife-beater with a big rainbow peace sign from the band Parkway Drive, camo shorts, barefoot. And I had my dog with me, with her bandana on as well. I got her in the car and we went over to get either the axe that I had used to hand-chop down a tree on my parents' property years prior... or my hatchet that I had since Junior year of high school. The hatchet I took on my 3-day thru-hike with me. The hatchet that had a ton of sentimental value to me. I pull in the driveway and my dog has her head out the window, because you know... she's a dog... And my parents are on the front porch. My mom's dog comes charging across the driveway at my parked car and the dogs start barking at each other. Her dog started to jump up on my car. See, despite these two dogs being around the same age, and very similar personalities... my mom outright aggressively refused to introduce the two. Despite my poor girl not having any dog friends, and being super sweet and social. And my mom's dog was a really nice girl too, who also had no friends. But my mom was fed some weird rhetoric like 20+ years ago that female dogs will fight to the death? And you never have female dogs around each other. And... I tried to disprove this to my mom. I tried to show her examples. My girl's first best friend was a big 2 year old mutt named Luna, they were wild, they played rough, but they would like... cuddle up together. There was never aggression, they were always overjoyed to see each other.

So... I'm guessing that panic primed the interaction. My mom came racing off the porch. I had already pulled her dog away from my car and closed the window on that side. There was no issue at all with the dogs and I took care of it swiftly and without incident. My mom starts freaking out on me. She started acting like I had done something wrong. Which, I'm now realizing like 4 years later is like... blatant reflexive gaslighting. Like, obvious. She's ashamed of how her dog reacted, so she makes me the bad guy. But that shit... it escalated quickly. And it got even worse when my dad came over and backed her up. I'm standing in her driveway, barefoot, and they're just like "what do you want? why are you here?" And I keep repeating, "I'm just here for my axe and my hatchet. I told you I was coming over. Are they in the garage? Are they in the barn?" And my mom starts telling me I can't have them. I remind her that they are my property... and she is simply storing them... and she can't really like... tell me I can't have access to my own tools... She doubles down. This escalated to them threatening to call the cops on me for trespassing if I didn't leave. And I still don't even fucking know why. Like... it's got to be panic. It's still so surreal looking back and going... "yeah, that actually happened."

They freaked out and went inside. I gave up on the axe and went into the garage and looked around for my hatchet in the last spot I remember it being. I couldn't find it. In fact, the area where all the tools had been was just... gone. I went upstairs where all my shit was stored and... it was a fucking warzone. She had gotten construction done on that building while all my shit was still there. There was drywall dust and spackle and paint and shit all over my stuff. My fucking college degree was bent and covered in drywall dust. I took fucking photos, it was so appalling that I was worried I might need them for a court case or something. Half of my tattooing supplies were ruined. I told my mom I was using this opportunity (since I was there) to organize my shit and get it the hell out of there ASAP. That if she was going to try to control and regulate my access to my own fucking possessions? And after seeing how horribly my shit was treated? I was getting my shit out of there as quickly as possible. And as I sorted important stuff very quickly, still in my search for the hatchet... I found some sentimental stuff from the past. And I... like a fucking crow with an abusive owner or something... brought sentimental things over to her back door and left them outside, as an offering. A reminder of who the person she was treating like this really was. Trying to elicit any fucking conscience or soul I could, through memory, to snap her the fuck out of whatever was going on. And... that was when I had the moment that... was my shame. Yes, I actually do remember why I was telling this story! XD The Shame Game...

I had the pile of offerings by the door. And my mom came over to the glass door and yelled at me to leave. And I tried one last time to beg her to reconsider. And my dad came over and backed her up. And she threatened to call the cops on me again. And I offered to do it for her. I offered to fucking do it for her. And I pulled out my phone and had the police station number stored in my phone and scrolled the phonebook to that number and had no fucking hesitation to do it if they threatened again. And... honestly? Maybe I should've called. Maybe I should've had a witness to that shit, and they'd have to explain how they were trying to call the cops on their 30 year old hippie son for "trespassing" when trying to reclaim tools for an art project. When he's a fucking artist, with a mangled degree in art.

I just want to note, for myself... I am trembling right now. It's not me being cold, it's not me being overtired... though those are factors... it's me reliving abuse. And it sucks. It's a unique feeling. Shaky, trembly, weak, tense. Yeah. Sucks.

But we're not quite to the part I was telling this whole story for yet. So... I didn't call the cops. And... my little brother appears behind my parents. And starts screaming at me to get off their property. I can see it in my head like a fucking nightmare, so vivid. The three of them silhouetted behind the glass door, screaming at me like chimpanzees behind the glass in a zoo exhibit. Very primal. And I... I broke. And I spat on the fucking glass, left the offerings for nature to take them, got whatever I could salvage and left.

And that was my shame. That I spat on the glass. That I let all three of them break me. I had a moment of weakness, and I did something petty. Out of aggression. Out of spite. Out of retaliation. And I'm better than that. I'm fucking better than that.

Can you see how strongly I feel about this?

But the point of all this was... when I told that story to my group... not only was there not a single jaw that hadn't hit the fucking floor... but people in the group were actually a bit upset with me because... because of how tame that was. Because no one could actually see themselves reacting that tamely in that situation. Like 10 people, all from different backgrounds, some very passive personalities, some more outburst-y... all unanimous that... I really didn't need to carry that shame.

But I do. And it showed me just how fucking important perspective can be. Especially for someone who grew up in or has spent a substantial amount of time in a manipulative, controlling and/or abusive environment.

So... now that you know that story... a little taste of my upbringing... Now you know what my brain thinks it's going to get as a reaction to spitting on a window and storming off. Imagine what my brain thinks is going to happen with... direct confrontation with a stranger.

You ready for a fucked up formula? The PTSD spiral? My trauma is set off by these people fucking up my sleep. And it gets to the point of crippling my entire life if left unchecked. How do I address it? Communication, right? Which... in this case... is almost exclusively confrontation. Confronting disruptive behaviors. And my ability to confront... is affected by how severely agitated my PTSD is. So... the more I need to confront people, the more my primal threat detection systems shut me down, the more I self-sabotage and find ways to talk myself out of confrontation. To protect me from blame, to protect me from shame, to protect me from harm. Be it physical (threat to housing stability, living near a known enemy), psychological (the way I think) or spiritual (the way I feel). My survival instincts will very quickly start to paint any narrative they can to keep me from confronting others and thus putting myself in harm's way - and lucky me... I've been fed plenty of easily believable self-protective (self-blaming/self-destructive) narratives my entire life, taught to me by my gaslighting family and toxic past relationships.

<heavy sigh>

Welp... it's 5:30 now. XD

It's exhausting living like this. And, in a fucking weird way... I envy the people who live above me. How simple and carefree their life must be!

But I have to remember... as much pain as I've suffered, as much as I have never deserved any of what I've been through. I've grown so much because of it. I am so fucking strong because of it. In so many ways, I am not a victim any more. I am a survivor. And though the war may be over... for now... I still carry habits, and I need to learn how to navigate things like this. Specifically confrontation and setting boundaries. And the only way to learn is to practice.

I'm just upset that I've been begging for help with this for years... just someone to go with me and hold my hand, or proofread shit, or something. And... that person just doesn't exist. And I don't think I've ever met anyone (except maybe my little brother) who needs help with that more than me.

Alright, enough of that for now. That was very intense.

I spent a huge chunk of the evening inking the skull. It looks so fucking cool. I know I had my doubts and shit, I always do... but... this is really sick. I, with my obsession for clean forms and details, decided to start inking with a wooden skewer instead of my tiny detail paintbrush. It allowed me more precision. So I spent most of the night dipping a wooden kebab skewer into Kuro Sumi outlining ink and inking an abstract design onto a goat skull. And the ink from last night did not bleed or smudge. It dried on it really well, actually. So I went buck wild with it, and I got... probably 2/3 of the abstract design that I penciled done. The ink flows incredibly well on bone, it's hard to really explain. I'm glad I polished it first. It feels like plastic, very smooth application which lets you make really smooth lines and fill areas really quickly. But unlike plastic, it's naturally porous, so a lot of the ink actually does subtle absorb into the bone. I enjoyed the process and look forward to working on it tomorrow! I'll most likely share the final product on here.

Since it's already 5:30, let's just go whole hog tonight and do tarot too. Fuck it. It's not like I have anything to get up for tomorrow, and there's like an 80% chance I'm just going to be woken up in a few hours anyway. Same spread as always.

First Position - Past - Two of Wands (Planning, scrutiny, taking risks and moving a plan forward.  The active force needed to put a plan into motion.) Second Position - Present - Ace of Swords, inverted (Intellect, apply logic and reason, Clarity and focus of mind.) Third Position - Future - I: The Magician (Balance between conscious and subconscious, unity between spirit and matter.  Indicates a period of ability to manifest will.)

Alright. So we're starting with a period from my past... a thread that originates in my ambition, determination and planning. This led to... present situations where logic and reason are actually causing dysfunction. Or... something's out of whack with my clarity and focus? Like my plans aren't coming to fruition because of a disruption in the Ace of Swords symbol in the Present. And... if that thread continues... there will continue to be a disruption in my equilibrium as a well-balanced person. Disrupting my ability to become the ideal version of what I strive to be.

I mean... it's a pretty simple message, really, right? My planning... through the lens of skewed focus and logic... leads to me not being able to manifest great things. And that logic skew is mostly surrounding shitty experiences and false lessons taught to me. Like some of the shit I talked about tonight. And... I'm actively working on that. So, that's good!

Cool, welp, that makes sense. Alright. Off to bed for me. Wish me luck. I'm bringing the headphones upstairs with me this time. Maybe when those fuckers inevitably make noise, I can just pop the earbuds in and roll over. Fingers crossed.

But on a brighter closing note? The skull is coming along really well. I'm excited to share progress once I get to a comfortable stopping place.

[creamdemonsworld]

8/5/2024

Hi Tumblr here's what happened today,

I totally forgot I had this account for daily journal updates. Even though its only been two days. I've been off my ADHD medication for a month now maybe it's time to get back on that. Yesterday was a wild day. Well kinda, I cried twice in the span on 24 hours which isn't unheard of but still not common for me during my ovulation/follicular phase. I usually cry like a baby the week before my period but never after. I guess I needed some crybaby time honestly.

Nothing weird or of note happened the day before, just work and sleep. It's been like that lately but I love my job so I cant complain. I've been setting a rule that I have to get out of bed at least an hour after I wake up. Or else I'll just stay in bed all day and not want to work. Chronic Depression is weird. I literally crave being in bed and rotting all the time but I know I can't do that. I'm and adult, I have bills to pay, and they're not gonna be paid by me rotting n bed. I wish.

So I force myself to get out of bed and do something, lately it's been painting. I'll just grab my coffee and immediately sit at my desk to start. Normally art has a lot of triggers for me so it's a touchy thing to do, but I've been doing it for fun and it's been working. Now that I've worked on not attaching my worth to my art in therapy, it's getting easier to create. Which is lovely, I don't have a shop anymore, or art accounts so I don't need to post anything. Nobody has to see my art so it's very intimate. I like being intimate with myself. Not in that way, I guess more private? It's nice to have things that other people don't see since my job is to literally be online all day. I like that there's some things people don't have to see about me. It's a special part of myself that I can keep to myself.

Anyway, yesterday my ex-sugar daddy came into my chat room. My friends are trying to convince me that it wasn't him but I knew it was him based on the question he asked me. It freaked me out honestly, I was shocked to see his username in my room after 6+ months of not talking to him. I really liked him. It sucks because he literally just thinks I'm some money hungry whore. And I can see that based on how we met. We met at my job, which is being a camgirl. So the lines were very blurred for us. We all have things we need to do to cope and I guess accusing me on only liking him for his money was his way of coping. It's sad but at least I know he's okay. Lesson learned: don't fall for clients. Oops. Won't be doing that again my bad.

Luckily I have very sweet regulars who lift me up when I'm down. I immediately burst into tears when he left my room. One of my regulars saw me and took me in for a private session (at $8.99/min) just to talk to me and make sure I was okay. He's so sweet and I'm so grateful for him. My worst fear is making people think I'm a bad person and I guess I conquered it yesterday. I feel bad that my ex-sugar daddy thinks I'm an awful person because it means I hurt him and I didn't want to do that unfortunately.

At least I have the good memories we shared. We talked almost every day and got along really well. Lot's of jokes and whatnot. He definitely shaped me into the domme I am today and I'm really grateful for that. Also the many many gifts he showered me with were lovely. i genuinely felt cared for and it was so nice to care for someone else like that. Hopefully I'll get to feel that feeling again in the future with someone else. I just really enjoyed the little time I got to spend with him. So I'll hold onto that and let the rest go.

I'll be doing a lot of yapping in therapy this week, jeeze.

Goodnight Tumblr:)

[raspberry-pudding]

3/9/24

I'll go ahead and admit that I gave in and smoked a little last night. But not nearly as much as I might have if I actually had weed on hand. I scraped up just enough out of my grinder to fill a chillum once. I did really good for most of the day though, which is at least better than I've been doing by waking and baking. I didn't smoke the chillum until after dinner, maybe around 6 PM. It was just enough to give me a buzz, but didn't keep me stoned. Which is probably a good thing, that's the least I've smoked in a day in a long while. Waking up this morning I don't have a headache and I feel pretty good; my head feels clear.

Something I've noticed from trying to quit in the past is how the beginning of the second day I'm already feeling back to normal. I already feel really good and full of energy. Granted, I did smoke yesterday, but I guess it wasn't enough to affect me the next day. Really, that's the place I'd like to be at -- maybe only smoking once or twice a week and not smoking much when I do. I'd like to quit, but I also wouldn't mind a healthier relationship with the substance. I just wonder if that's possible for me to do, or if I need to just cut it out of my life.

More below the cut for those interested.

When I talked to my fiancé about quitting, of course he was supportive but also thought quitting cold turkey could go wrong. I've tried quitting cold turkey in the past and I agree, it seems like I almost always immediately relapse and go harder. He suggested I get the weed, but make it really inconvenient to access once I have it.

I'll admit right now, I am going to get weed today and I am going to smoke a joint today (mostly because this is my last day off before returning to work for the week). But, I have a plan. I plan to preroll a few joints and put them (and any leftover flower) in a lockbox I recently bought for another purpose. I'm then going to put the lockbox somewhere in my basement -- my least favorite place to go in the house which I will avoid at any and all costs. Maybe this part is silly, but I'm going to be keeping the keys for the lockbox in a code safe we have. Every bit of weed is going to be so inconvenient for me to get to that I'm hoping I now only smoke when I really, really want it and not just out of boredom or habit. Putting it in the basement, I hope, should be a perfect place for it. I've put off tasks around the house for several months just because it involved going to the basement.

The joint I plan to have later, I don't plan to smoke until around 5 or 6 PM. Another of my bad habits lately has been smoking way too early in the day. I've been waking and baking like I'm on vacation. Worse, all last week I was smoking before going to work which I typically don't like doing. That's how I realized how bad it's starting to get again. I can't work stoned, I hate working stoned -- to me it's a private pastime that I don't want anyone to know about. Yet every day last week I was walking into work stoned. Luckily this week I'm all morning shift so there is no time to smoke before work.

On another note, my Instagram lately has been filled with people who do have the healthy weed to life/work balance. Or, at least they appear like they do. Every time I see it I get so jealous. Why couldn't that be me? Why can't I just smoke it and continue being normal, or even have it actually improve my life. I see so many stoners who have a consistent routine, who can still exercise and get shit done. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be cool like that? Why do I smoke weed and get lazy and unproductive and get my entire life-force sucked out of me. Why do I have the brain chemistry where I smoke weed and then my entire life falls a part? Like, I can't do anything I used to anymore.

I guess they're influencers, and like any social media influencer there's a group of people watching and wishing they could be like them. I wonder how many other people watch these peaceful stoners with perfect, colorful, and serene lives and wish they could have that relationship with weed. I wonder if those influencers even truly have that relationship with weed, or if they're just good at acting.

Is there just something wrong with me? Is there something I'm doing wrong? I want to fix myself so bad. I want my ambition back.

Like I said yesterday, what makes it harder on me is that none of my friends who smoke weed feel the same as me. So not only are these influencers living perfect lives while smoking, but my friends are too. Though, if I'm being honest, at least two of them I suspect are struggling like I am but don't admit to it. I won't say anything to them though because we all have to go on our own journeys -- but they will continue to tell me how weed can't be addictive.

I feel so alone on this journey, which only makes it harder to quit. I hope one day I can find someone who's going through the same as me. If for any reason, just so I can feel like I'm not being dramatic, or to validate how awful an addiction to weed can be. To make me feel like my struggles are real and not silly.

Every day I worked last week it was in the 70s and sunny, but every day I've been off it's been cold and rainy. And the same is about to happen this coming week. I miss being outside in the sun and in my hammock.

Iris🪻

[timeoverload]

Today wasn't too bad I suppose. It didn't start very well because I slept through all 20 of my alarms. It's kind of ridiculous that I have to set that many as it is but I have a bad habit of hitting the snooze button. I usually get up around 4:30 or 5 but today I didn't get up until 6:15 and that's when I normally have to leave on Wednesdays.

I stayed up way too late last night but I wouldn't have been able to sleep even if I had tried because it was too loud. The neighbors down the street were lighting off super loud fireworks until almost 1 in the morning. I was so pissed and I really wanted to go over there and tell them they were being rude but I'm not a confrontational person. I don't even remember falling asleep but I don't think I got more than 4 hours. I guess having 2 days off messed me up too and I also forgot I had to be there earlier. I work at 7 on Mondays and Tuesdays and 6:30 on Wednesdays and Thursdays.

Luckily I still had time to get everything set up and get breakfast before cases started at 7:30. I had 24 today but I got done with them by 3:00. I had time to sit down and eat my lunch too. It definitely was better than last Wednesday. I had 31 cases that day due to add-ons and there was also an hour delay because one of the surgeries took longer than usual so I ended up having to stay late and I was already exhausted. I was so grumpy after that and Thursday sucked.

I also got mad last week because that creepy guy I work with that won't leave me alone tried hitting on me again in front of a bunch of people and I basically had to tell had to tell him to fuck off. It was embarrassing. After that incident, he left the department for a while and when he came back he was clearly in a bad mood and was banging stuff around. It felt like he was trying to be intimidating or something and he also kept trying to find reasons to talk to me. I told him previously that I thought it was weird that he kept calling me beautiful and amazing and I tried to make it clear that it made me uncomfortable. I haven't shown any interest whatsoever so I don't understand why he keeps trying. I don't trust him. He doesn't seem to show a lot of respect for women. He's very desperate for a relationship and I'm not the only girl he acts that way towards. He cornered another girl in the stairwell to get her phone number. I'm not sure why she gave it to him since she said that she doesn't like him either. I would never give him any of my information. Most of the girls are uneasy around him and he likes to go around trying to get hugs. If he tries to say or do anything else to me like that I'm going to HR. He says he's planning on working there a long time and I can't wait to get away from him. At least I don't have to see him at all this week since he's out of town. I don't want him to come back but I'm happy that I haven't had to see him since he did that.

I got to leave work a couple minutes early so that was nice. I went to the store to get cat food and more snacks for myself. I have been eating so much junk food. I think I have actually gained a couple pounds which is good news. Some of my clothes are fitting better. I hope I can continue gaining weight but I also need to eat a little healthier sometimes. I don't even know how much I weigh right now since I don't have a scale so I guess I will find out when I go to the doctor on Friday. I'm also still planning on asking for her to increase my dosage of lamotrigine to 175mg a day since I've been taking 150mg for a while now. I am going to see if she will give me ativan or something for my anxiety. I have taken anxiety meds before and I don't really like them but lately I'm having a really hard time managing it. I haven't had blood work done in a while so I should probably ask to have that done too.

I'm going to make some dinner soon and get ready for bed. I'm sure I will sleep a lot better tonight and hopefully I actually wake up on time in the morning. I'm glad I only have to work one more day this week and tomorrow shouldn't be too busy. I'm going to do my best to make it a good day.

[purityoflust]

The Smile [Jeff The Killer X Victim!Reader] [PART 2]

Jeff the killer X Victim!

WARNING: Yandere. That's it. Yandere.

I finally decided how I would write part 2 to The Smile, which is my first and most popular post on my account so far. Anyone new who has come to read this, check out my other posts as well if you'd like. I'll post more like this. I also have a Quotev account with more fanfictions.

9/12/20, 3/4 days after the top part: God, AFTER SO LONG, I FINALLY DID IT! Took me days! I'm so sorry if this is a bit lazy, it is a tiny bit rushed by the end but how would you guys feel about a detailed part 3? I'll probably go as far as a part 3 or part 4 for the final part.

The vibrations in your brain felt warm and numbing - almost like when you have a horrible migraine and you can finally feel it subsiding with your eyes closed and your fingers gently holding down onto your eyelids as if you're holding your eyes into place to prevent them from bursting out of your skull. Upon waking up you can feel cold air settling into your skin. You haven't been awake 3 minutes and you already know what you're resting on; an extremely uncomfortable metal table. You've only seen them in movies but this was real.

The sound of a singsong voice just slightly echoing through what seemed like a moderately empty room. You groaned softly as you turned your head to your right, very slowly opening your eyes. Your vision blurred in and out, which, you wanted to rub to clear it out but as you went to lift your wrists, you felt pressure around them.

Something was holding your arms down. This catches your attention, blinking multiple times while turning your head back up straight and attempting to sit up. You were hardly successful with that, struggling while grunting under your breath to pull your hands from under what seemed to be a thick rope. As you pulled harder, you sucked in your stomach out of habit before immediately coming to a halt and choking up in pain.

This whole time you were ignoring the voice that was singing eerily nearby, "You and me, always forever~"

The voice was of a male. Scratchy, shaky. Familiar.

Familiar.

You could feel a string of your heart pop out of place as your breath stopped. That's when you knew something was wrong, but it just doesn't add up. You gulp while your eyeballs vigorously glance around to see where the source was coming from, only to see a figure in a corner. It was doubled over and it was sitting down on a simple wooden chair. Doubling over a...table? An average male figure, nothing unique. Although, the clothing style was unusual. At least what was on the clothes. He wore a fluffy white hoodie and what seemed to be black pants and black-and-white converse. The problem wasn't the outfit, no. His hoodie was spotted and had patterns upon patterns of darkened and more fresh-looking blood splatter. He had long black hair down to his shoulders. And luckily, his back was facing you.

You were dumbfounded. How did you get here, why are you restrained, and why is there a blood covered man near you? Is that even blood? Maybe it's paint or a design? Some people do wear clothes that have different kinds of blood splatter designs on them. Hm. Or he's an actual murderer about to gut you like a fish.

You wanted to speak. You wanted to speak so badly but you just couldn't. As you parted your lips, your throat went dry while your gaze stayed locked onto the bloody male that sat before you. The singing made you shiver as you tried so hard to remember where you could have heard or seen him. Why can't you remember?

The male then turned around to look at you. His singing had come to a gentle halt. Your mouth closed as he did so, your throat going completely dry and your whole body feeling like an ice cube. You were greeted with cold blue eyes. They looked hungry and bloodthirsty, yet they held a warm affection as they looked into your traumatized eyes. It was almost comforting until you saw the rest of his face. His skin was snow white and his lips looked dry. That's when more attention is drawn to his lower jaw. He's smiling. Too big for a normal person.

That's when you realize. He has a large smile carved into his cheeks going from ear to ear while his own lips were curled within a smile as well. And that's when it hits you.

And it hits you hard.

The memories of hours prior start brutally crashing into you, flooding back into your numb brain. All of the realization replaced itself with agonizing anxiety, your heart starting to race at speeds that felt impossible. You could pass out, but something inside you kept you awake. Something about him and about this whole situation was making you dizzy. The male slowly stands and turns his body all the way to face you. He seemed deranged, yet, he had a very relaxed stance and body language.

Uncomfortable silence loomed in the air.

He kept staring at you before slowly taking steps forward. You watch him carefully as your head feels like it's spinning, which you could notice your vision blurring a little bit here and there. The silence is suddenly disturbed with the male speaking up again, choking up in giggles. "Oh my sweet Y/N, you're awake~" He cooed, now standing over you. He leaned himself down and reached his hand to your cheek, gently brushing your skin with his surprisingly soft thumb. He leaned his face closer to yours. The smell of booze, blood, & smoke overwhelmed your nostrils. Yet it didn't seem to bother you that much.

His touch almost kind of made you feel...at ease. Your heart slowed itself and your breathing went back to pace. You felt fine, somewhat, but something in your stomach was still sore. The more you stare at him, the more memories come flooding back. The more memories flooding back, the easier you fit the puzzles together.

"M-my...stomach..--" You stutter out painfully.

In response to this, the male turned his head over to your abdomen and gently rested his other hand onto your bandaged stomach, applying very gentle pressure on it as to not hurt you. It was still slightly painful, causing you to groan under your breath.

"Oh, this...I'm sorry, my sweet butterfly. I had to make sure you wouldn't get away, and you didn't! Don't worry, Jack patched you up, so you'll be just fine!"

You remember now. You remember it all. The chase, your friend, the salty kiss before what you thought was your demise.

You naturally wondered as well; who's Jack?

"Wh-.." You weakly force air out of your throat again to speak, "why am I..tied-?"

"Oh, so you wouldn't be able to get away. I knew you would run away, or struggles, so I had to make sure you wouldn't do that!"

He was right. You would run away and struggle to get out of whatever the hell kind of place you're in. Well, knowing what he looks like. He DID stab you, after all. Who knows what this sicko wants.

He lifts his hand from your stomach and turns back to you, gently placing both of his hands at each side of your face. "You're so beautiful, Y/N. So sweet and so innocent. I couldn't keep letting the others eat you up like candy. You're mine and only mine. I need to protect you."

"Wh-who- are you?" You weren't really all too scared for some strange reason now. You were pretty calm. Probably from all of the energy this is draining.

"His name is Jeff." A deep and gruff voice cuts in.

The both of you turn your heads to the door of the room where a tall figure in all black stood. He was about 6"4 wearing heavy boots, black jeans, and a black hoodie. His hair was a dark brown though while he wore a mask. The mask was a dark blue with black goo oozing from the eyesockets. He was pretty intimidating even just by standing idly like a character waiting to be loaded in.

"And I'm Jack." He continued, "I'm the one who took care of your wound."

Jack stepped closer, soon standing at the other side of the table. He stood at the left as Jeff stood at the right.

"He wouldn't stop insisting I help."

You just blink, unknowing of what to respond with. He pursed his lips under his dark mask, in his own thought for a moment while staring down at you. You seemed calm enough, and your still pretty fresh injury was gonna hold you back anyway.

"[P]-[Pronoun]'s gonna-!" He attempts to blurt out, only to be stopped by you.

"I won't."

You were untied at your wrists and ankles, allowing yourself to pull your legs up and rest your feet at the top of the table, propping your knees up. It made your stomach feel weird, but it felt kind of nose and felt like it was easing the pain. You wrapped your arms around your knees, looking around the room more. "What is this place?" You ask.

"It's a medical room."

"Huh.." You shrug it off. Your anxiety levels had died down and the more you actually think about it, this isn't the worst thing that's happened. Your life has been pretty fucked up and you have damaged relationships everywhere. Honestly, being around new people and being far away from others sounds not too bad right now. Not like anyone would care anyway.

The next few hours, you're introduced to everyone else at the Mansion. They've been so...unique and honestly, you're surprised some people and beings like them even exist. They were all equally surprised with how little fear you showed.

You actually got along with most of them.

The others have taken a liking to you and hope you hang around longer. Alone in the living room, you, Jeff, Jack, and others sit at the couches and chairs in the living room, chatting away and getting to know them as they get to know you.

You feel Jeff wrap his arms around you and place a gentle kiss on your forehead, making your heart skip a beat.

You found out Jeff has been stalking you for months at a time. Watching your every move, eliminating anyone in the way. Huh, no wonder so many people in your life kept disappearing. You...couldn't bring yourself to be upset or scared, let alone even sad. You felt kind of at ease.

And far from uncomfortable. Someone loved you. Maybe more than they should, but they love you.

You didn't even feel upset at the fact Jeff had murdered that friend earlier. I mean, you just met the guy, so he wasn't even a 'friend'? So you paid no mind to it.

If anything, you really liked the thrill of someone being obsessed with you. A serial killer being so infatuated with you. He could be so protective of you and get rid of anyone you asked him to! There's is an advantage here. You knew he could snap and probably kill you intentionally or unintentionally, but you didn't mind. You really had no one else, technically speaking. No one that really cared. Not as much as he did.

Maybe he isn't so bad.

[whaleofatjme1920]

[CP/MH, Romantic relationship X] ] Hi Tim, If I were to be honest with you, I’d prefer to write this in Japanese for unimportant reasons. But well, here I am writing it in English (lol) First of all, how have you been? Hope you are doing well. Education for me have been…a mixture of hidden pain and unseen misery (dramatic use for words huh?) We’re going back to the dorms (or in other words, campus) in a few months and I am not truly looking forward to it. I don’t think I would have much time to write to you then, but, I probably still would. But! On the bright side, I get to see my friends. There’s this one friend I’ve been wanting to see (not really) He has not been doing well in his exam and I worry. That’s because he usually does participate or make an effort, at least. I was picking up my things at campus, hoping to meet him, but luck was not on my side.. Enough with the first topic, education. I was writing this while watching ‘Hey Duggee’. It is very entertaining. Oh and it’s the episode where they get their Biology Badges. Interestingly, they’re kids. Very cute characters. Do I have a favourite? Yes and it’s Roly the baby hippo. Besides me watching Duggee, I played with Ookitsuki, my kitten this evening and she was adorable. I didn’t know cats could roll 3 times in a row. Also, I wonder what were you doing when you receive this. Probably you were out “working” When you receive this, I hope you are well. Right, moving on, my new schedule is such a pain. Waking up at 4am to study until 7am, 7am to 1.30pm is class. Then, I’ll continue to study after 2.30 until 5.30, rest at 6 and 7pm. 8pm until 10pm is night-time study. Wish me luck. I’m not sure what to put here…Well, you must be wondering why I wrote this to you. It’s because I never did write to you before. Oh well, at least here I am writing to you. Hmm, when I am going back to school? Campus? I don’t really care what to call it. Place of Education. Yes, let’s call it that. When i go back there, I’ll be carrying a big responsibility, again. Which is taking care of my whole ‘batch’. They're not all bad, just well, "children" . I like that they're carefree and all. I mean I am to, but, cooperation is and asset (wish you could help me) . Anyways, I might end my letter here. I’ll send you a second one if I need to. Looking forward to your reply.

Sincerely, Kayte. (sorry if this was long ahsjjss)

[Disclaimer: Letters To Those you Hold Dear is a special event I'm holding from December 9th - whenever I feel like closing it! The absolute deadline is December 21st. Find guidelines here so you can send a letter or two to those you hold dear <3]

Hey there sweetheart,

Gods, I'm thankful you didn't write this in Japanese because I've been slacking on my lessons. Tall guy has been on our ass more than usual, shuffling us across the country and I'm tired. Real tired. Brian Hoodie said he thinks we'll be able to stay in one place for more than a few days real soon, but I don't buy it. Enough about that bullshit though, sorry you're going through such bullshit as well. You always were one for the dramatics! Remember that time we went to Walmart at like 3am and let all those bouncy balls go? Can't really remember if you were fond of those dorms or not, but judging by your tone, I'm gonna hope you get through it just fine. I'm really happy you're able to see your friends, wish I could say the same here. I haven't seen Kate in months, apparently the tall guy wants to make her a favored - and we all know how that goes. I've also been meaning to see EJ on account of my migraines going up, but we haven't been able to stop by his old haunts. Really sorry that your friend is acting as weird as he is. I wish I had words of wisdom other than 'shit maybe he just sucks.' I know you'd chide me for being mean but...

Don't think I've ever heard of "Hey Duggee" but that's also because all we're afforded is motel TV. It's awful. When I'm planted, we'll have to watch it together and you can fill me in. Tell your cat I said hi, and give her a few pats for me. And yeah, you're not too far off! We're done for the night. Jeff's dog came by and spat this out at me. Nice to relax by reading your words.

You're a fighter, Kayte. I know you are. But, even you need a break. You're capable of so much and when we're together, you astound me every moment. Honestly, the letter was really nice to get! I hardly get any messages other than 'go here' and 'kill this guy'. It's nice to get a message from someone I love. Wish I could be there with you, I really do. Hopefully I'll be by your side, commanding the batch alongside you! Hope it finds you well.

Yours,

Tim

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you get nervous before “meeting the parents”? Yeah.

What do you think of your friends? --

What do you prefer to drink in the morning? I don't know what's going on with me, but I don't have coffee everyday anymore like I had been for as long as I can remember. I still have my caffeine everyday, but it's just odd not always starting my day with coffee. I don't have my nightly bowl of ramen anymore either, so I'm all out of sorts these days.

Have you ever done ecstacy? Nooo.

Do you like painkillers? I like when they do their job. I take them as part of my pain management regimen.

What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? Haaaa. I have nothing alluring about me whatsoever. I'm a true hot mess express.

Do you own a knife? No.

Top 3 thoughts at this exact moment: How I should be asleep right now, what I want for breakfast, and health related things (I'm always thinking about that). Ugh, I couldn't even keep a decent sleep schedule for longer than like a week before I started falling off yet again. It's almost 8AM...

Name five drinks you regularly drink: Water, soda, and milkshakes are my current regulars. Apart from that, I have coffee or a Starbucks energy drink tossed in there sometimes. Though, like I said, I haven't been drinking coffee as much these days. Oh, I have hot chocolate and tea sometimes, too.

What time did you wake up today? I haven't gone to bed, yet, but I should try to get a couple hours at least before my church's live stream service starts.

Current hair? A short, choppy mess.

Current worry? Health stuff as always. And my life in general.

Current hate? Damn allergies have been really kicking my ass. I have the dry cough that I hear many have been experiencing as well that has lasted for weeks and I also suffer from mucus/phlegm buildup and post nasal drip stuff sometimes, which really sucks. Sigh.

Favorite place to be? At home, the beach/relaxing vacay, and Disneyland.

Least favorite place to be? Any type of doctor appointment and crowded places (I make an exception for Disneyland, but I do still get very irritable and anxious). I don't really like being out anywhere because I'm just super self-conscious, insecure and uncomfortable with my appearance. My health scare a couple weeks ago caused some weight loss and I'm already too underweight. I can't bear looking at myself as it is and now it's even worse.

Where would you like to go? I want my own beach house with private beach area.

What do you think you’ll be in 10 yrs? I can't even go there. I have enough to focus on in the here and now. The future honestly terrifies me.

Last thing you ate? A chocolate covered wafer.

Last time you had an alcoholic drink? Close to a decade ago now.

What were you doing 12AM last night? I was eating and watching YouTube videos.

Do people get shocked by how old you are? I don't think shocked, but people have said they thought I was younger than I am.

Do you have any features that people notice right away? As in a mole on your cheek, or a big nose, big teeth, etc? I'm sure there's several things, like a lot of my insecurities. Most notably how thin I am. That one you definitely can't miss.

Where is the last person you kissed at this moment? I have absolutely no idea. I haven't even seen or talked to him in over 5 years.

Will tomorrow be better then today? Today is still quite young so we'll have to see how the rest of the day goes.

Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed? No.

Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden? No. Also, if I wanted to drink I wouldn't have to sneak around.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a: J, M, C, L, B, A? J.

Do you think you’re wasting your time on the person you like? There's no such person currently. In fact, there hasn't been in like 6 years.

Ever kissed a brown eyed and brown haired person? Yes.

Are you a player? No.

Is there something you want to tell someone? Yes and no. What are you excited for? Nothing.

Is something bothering you? Of course there is, when isn't there?

Do you like the town you are living in? No.

Does your best friend approve of the last person you kissed? She liked him. This was years ago, though. I have no idea if he's changed at all and obviously things didn't work out for us, so.

Do you have any friends with kids? I don't have any friends, but a lot of Facebook "friends" have kids.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? My mom.

Do you miss someone right now? I always will.

Do you hate when people smoke around you? **It's the next day now from when I started this, just putting that out there** Ugh, yes. It honestly makes me feel so sick when people smoke cigarettes around me.

Have you held hands with anyone in the past 24 hours? No.

Think a lot before you fall asleep? Yes. I think a lot all the time. My mind is always going and it's such a jumbled mess.

What was the last thing you spent your money on? A couple of Frosty's from Wendy's last night.

Be honest, who is the easiest person in your life to talk to? My mom and brother.

Your last kiss, were you dating that person at the time? No.

Were you single last summer? Yes.

What’s the weather like outside? It's a sunny 64F.

Is the last person you kissed older than you? No, he's a year younger.

Where did you first kiss the last person you kissed? In the parking lot of a restaurant after my friend's birthday dinner.

Name three things you did or are going to do today: So far I've just taken my medicine, drank some water, and checked any notifications I had on various things.

Let’s say you were ten years old again, what would be a typical day for you? Playing outside and on the computer.

Last place you went besides your house? Wal-Mart.

Is there someone you’d really like to hang out with and just talk about stuff? My grandma. She passed away almost 20 years ago, but we were very close and a LOT sure has happened in that amount of time. I miss spending time and talking with her. Also, I can't believe it's been that long omg...

What was the worst feeling you last felt? It was hitting me hard last night again just how weak and useless I am. I'm just so exhausted and drain and I don't do even do shit. It takes very little to take so much out of me. I have to rely so heavily on others now for like everything. It's very frustrating and hard and it sucks.

How long have you been sober? I haven't had any alcohol in almost 10 years.

Last sexual experience? Never.

How often do you talk on the phone? Not often at all, and when I do they're very brief conversations like my mom or brother calling to ask or tell me something.

Do you have a significant other at the moment? No.

If no, do you want one? No.

Do you “go out” a lot? No, definitely not. I'm at home majority of the time.

Do you work a lot? I don't work at all.

What did you do last night? Went grocery shopping, had dinner, and watched Moon Knight.

When the phone rings who do you want it to be? I don't want any phone calls.

Do you still talk to your exes? No.

What is your current favorite song? I don’t have one. I don't listen to music much anymore for some reason.

Current Best Friend? My mom.

Whats the BEST part of your life right now? I'm just so thankful for my family for everything they have and continue to do for me and I know I'm very blessed to have them. I couldn't go through all this shit without them.

Are you a good girlfriend/boyfriend? I wouldn't be and that's one of the reasons why it's best I'm single.

What happened at 10:00 AM? I was asleep.

Who was the first person you talked to today? My brother.

Will you be in bed within twenty minutes? I am in bed.

When will be the next time you text someone? *shrug*

How do you feel about your hair right now? I hate it.

Who do you currently have texts in your inbox from? Majority now are just my mom and brother.

What color was the last pill you took? White.

How many windows are open on your computer? Two.

What are you doing after this? Eat some of this cherry and cheese danish, scroll through Tumblr, and watch YouTube videos.

[officalkittycat1619]

𝑵𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒂 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌𝒆𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 《Naberius Kalego x Chubby Reader》

Chapter 1

"(Reader), sweetie! Wake up, it's time to get up!"

 I let out a small tired groan as I got up from bed. I walked over to the bathroom to freshen up a bit for today. Not long after, I hopped off the shower and dried up my body before putting my uniform on. Grabbing my school bag, then made my way over to the kitchen to eat breakfast.  "Morning (Reader), hope you slept well."

"Morning Dad, that smells really good."

 I smell the hint of (fav.breakfast.) already being served on a plate. Just as I sat at my seat I noticed Father wasn't here yet."Where's Pop?" I asked while eating. 

"Oh! Your father got so excited about your first day, he went to get his camera, but the battery was dead so he currently went to go by new ones. He should be coming right about...." The sound of the front door slamming which lead to someone running to the kitchen. "Now..." 

 "I'm finally here!" Father proudly said. "Morning Pop."

"Morning my little devil doll, I can't believe my one and only daughter is finally growing up and attending a real school!"Father pulled me into a hug preventing me from continue eating. 

"Pop, you're being overly dramatic again. Besides, it's only the opening ceremony." I reminded him. I pulled away from his bone crushing hug and finished eating.

 I soon finished eating and left home, right before taking a picture with my parents of course, and flew over to Babyls Demon School. Flying over, I saw numerous demons flying in the same direction that I was going. With one glimpse, the academy looks so huge.

I descended once I made it to the entrance. The students who were at the entrance told me me to head to the auditorium were the opening ceremony is. I managed to fine a good seat right mid upfront to where the stage is. Many students were chatting pretty loudly until someone said,"Silence."

The auditorium went quiet. I looked up to see a dark violet haired male demon. He must a teacher at this school. I heard someone whispering that he looks scary. I personally think he isn't. A small demon pushed the microphone to one of the staff who then said,"Thank you for waiting. It is 6:06 AM. We will now formally begin the entrance ceremony for the demon school Babyls." 

"All rise!"

We all got up from our seats to sing the school's song.

♪Humans only exist to be our food♪

♪Suck them dry, soul, blood, flesh and all♪

♪Tremble at the sound of black wings as we take flight♪

♪For we are demons♪

♪As this song pours fro our red lips♪

♪Scream for us, for we are demons♪

We finished singing and sat back down. Next, was a greeting from our director and that caused the entire auditorium to cheer with excitement. Just as the Chair Demon appeared, he started to call out to someone named, Iruma, whom is apparently his grandson. The Chair Demon continue to discuss about his grandson attending this school and boasting about how adorable he is. 

Heck! He even showed the entire auditorium a picture of him with Iruma shortly before he left. Then it was greetings from representatives of the new students, whom was a pink haired male demon. Some students began to say things like him getting a perfect score or being a genius.

"The representative of the new students, Asmodeus-kun."

I noticed the majority of the female demons began to swoon over him. Personally, I didn't find anything appealing about him. That's when the teacher said,"Giving the greeting in his place is.... The honor student, Iruma-kun." Dang, talk about a quick turn around. Iruma walked up front the stage and stood there quiet.  By then, he began to say his greetings, however he said a forbidden spell that caused the majority of us to be either shocked or cheering him.

After that, the pink haired male demon who goes by Asmodeus Alice, challenged Iruma to see if he was "worthy." This lead to him losing to Iruma and Asmodeus ended up deciding to be at Iruma's "service". Talk about first impression 

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

The next day, all of the students have to go to a separate room in order to summon their "familiars", I didn't really know what they are honestly. Walking down the halls of the school, I over hear Asmodeus and Iruma's converstation about the being in the same groups and about the familiars. "Um, excuse me.." They both turned to me . "What are familiars?" 

"You don't know what they are?" Asmodeus inquired with confusion. I shook my head in response. "Well, it's a tradition here at Babyls. After entering the school, each student summons a magical beast and makes it their subordinate."

"So a personal slave." I bluntly said. "Not exactly, your about to see." I forgot that I never introduced myself. "Also where are my manners, I'm (Reader) Armendarez. It's nice you meet you both." "Like wise, I'm Asmodeus Alice, as you may or may not know." Asmodeus said. "I'm Iruma, nice to meet you too (Reader)-san." 

As we continue walking to our room, Asmodeus asked,"What school did you attend to before coming to Babyls?"

"Well, I never actually went to a real school. I was mostly home-schooled for the majority of my life." I responded. "So you never actually went to a school?" Iruma asked. I shook my head in response. "But hey, at least you have time to be with your parents though." Iruma said.

  We walked inside a room with the rest of the other students. All of sudden, the door slammed open to reveal the same demon from yesterday. He walks up to the front of the room, introducing himself. "I am Naberius Kalego, your advisor. I am always in charge of this ritual. Why? Because I am dignified at all times. I will determine whether you lot are useless trash or useful trash. For example..." 

Kalego-sensei walks up to Iruma giving him a nasty glare. "If a piece of trash used the spotlight his grandfather gave him to chant a vulgar spell and then had the nerve to cause such a ruckus right afterward on the same day... That'd be immediate grounds to get rid of you." He snapped. "Also, if a piece of trash had the nerve to try to hit a teacher during the entrance ceremony, that is also immediate grounds to get rid of you."

Kalego-sensei backs up from Iruma while continuing to talk. "I will immediately expel any failures, so be warned." Couple of students began to whisper about how scary Kalego-sensei is, but I for one think he isn't. He's just trying to make sure that each student should pass and so no other student shouldn't use their "status" for any means necessary. Sensei brought up a weird board that projected a lesson guide on how to summon familiars. Just before it was about to finish explaining, Sensei punched it to the ground. "That's enough of your explanation." 

I guess he doesn't like cute or childish things at all. The student's gave a shocked expression after Sensei punched the board down, but I gave a neutral expression. "Make sure you use the parchment with my seal on it. I can tell immediately if it's a fake." Sensei explains as he pulls out the parchment with his seal. Somebody asks if this is going to be dangerous, which in response Sensei said,"What a foolish question."

"You'll be summoning a subordinate and making it serve you. That's what familiars are. And should a familiar disobey it's master..." Sensei grips onto the board causing it to explode leaving a small hole. "There will be a punishment. That's how deep this blood pact is. Make sure you are prepared." We all lined up to start summoning our familiar. One student after another summoned their familiars and all were left were Asmodeus, Iruma, and me. 

"Next,  Armendarez." I walked over to Sensei to get the parchment paper and then I went over the magic circle. I cut my finger and drew a circle on the parchment then held it above the candle. Smoke began to appear from the parchment soon after it took form of a nine tailed wolf.

It was a tad bigger than any other regular wolf. The rest of the student's gave an astonished expression just by looking at my familiar. So much for not causing attention. I walked over to Iruma, letting Asmodeus summon his. "Your familiar looks so cool, (Reader)-san!" Iruma said eagerly. I gushed,"Thanks Iru-kun." 

Asmodeus summons his familiar and it ended up being a Gorgon Snake, which was so epic. Next it was Iruma's turn. He walks up to the magic circle, held the parchment above the fire. All of sudden, a bright purple light appears from the circle in a instant. After a couple second, the light fades away to reveal Kalego-sensei, well part of him, on the magic circle. Both Sensei & Iruma screamed with shocked. "What the hell is this? What the hell did you do?!" Sensei snapped. 

"Uh..I-I have no idea!"

"Stop this! Stop the summoning right now!" Sensei demanded. Iruma ran over to where Sensei's other half was before pulling him. "They're tearing! You're going to rip them off! You fool! You're supposed to push when this happens!" Sensei shouted. Instead of Iruma pulling Kalego-sensei, he push him upwards which caused Sensei to pop on top of the magic circle. That caused him to transform into this small owl like familiar. I had to admit he looked pretty cute.

For only a couple of seconds, Sensei falls to the ground. Iruma calls out to him checking if he was alright. Instantly, Asmodeus jumped to conclusions thinking Iruma purposely summoned Kalego sensei to be his familiar. I for one think that wasn't the case, but still think it's kinda odd though. Sensei instantly got up and was ready to attack, instead was punished severely. He was about to fall to the ground though I manged to catch him before so. 

"Kalego-sensei are you alright?" I shook him gently to see if he was even conscious. I hear the rest of the students being surprised about what just happen. I gently shook Sensei once more, checking if he was still conscious. "Sensei are you alright?" I asked once more. I managed to hear him mutter yes causing me to signed with relief.

Later on, Iruma and Kalego-sensei were sent to the Chair Demon's office to discuss about this situation. I just hope Sensei is alright.

[banashee]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29759895/chapters/73638657#workskin

Chapter 3 of 100 Ways to say I Love You

74 - “We can share”

Somehow, they keep getting stuck in safehouses lately. It's a whole thing, and if it wasn't so incredibly frustrating to sit around with nothing to do but wait, it would be funny. But as it is, it is getting old.

This time, the team had to split up and they ended up in separate places, which annoys Steve to no end because he likes having everyone together after missions because they're a team and watch out for each other and all that. Tony likes to make fun of him sometimes, but if he is being honest, he actually agrees there. He, too, likes having everyone in one place because it's easier to watch out for each other that way.

As rocky as their start might have been, what with 6 very strong and different personalities clashing together and trying to find their place within a brand new team, they are a family now. Do they want to strangle each other sometimes? Sure, it happens - although significantly less these days. Would they go after anyone who hurts one of their own because they are loyal and protective to a fault? Yes.

So yes, they like to stay together. All of this is one of the main reasons Tony offered everyone a place to live in his home, after all. He does a great job hiding it all behind snark and jokes and posturing, but the others see right through his facade by now.

Currently, they have to wait out a heavy snowstorm and the team is scattered around the area in different little cabins.

Tony is bunking with Clint for the time being, and he figures that the archer is used to circumstances like that and will find a way to get comfortable pretty much anywhere. To be fair, Tony had plucked him out of dumpsters on more than one occasion, and he'd been mostly unbothered by it, which is kinda impressive, really. But the point is that Clint usually doesn't mind less-than-ideal circumstances as much. Tony… Does.

He is well aware that he is privileged and probably more than a little spoiled, but at least in more recent years, he's had a fair share of humble pie, so, progress?

"Oh well, this should work. At least we've got a fireplace, so even if the heat is fucked we'll be warm." Clint drops his duffle bag to the floor and makes his way over to turn the space heater on. Luckily, it does work.

Tony makes his way through the cabin. It is tiny, so it doesn't take long, and he is pleased to find that they have running water in the bathroom and a separate bedroom. It does, however, only hold a single bed.

Tony refuses to think about that in detail, because he pretty successfully managed to deny his ever growing crush on a certain archer so far. He's no good at relationships - there really is no point in ruining a perfectly good friendship.

But then again, he'll happily take a night or two of sharing body heat, even though that might leave him pining even worse after the fact.

Oh well - that's an issue for future-Tony he figures as he makes his way back to the main area.

"There is only one bed." he informs Clint, who is testing the couch with a very impressive frown that might just be his resting face. His scowl darkens when he lies down and his feet are hanging off of the end and the armrest is uncomfortably high against his head. There are also hard wood parts and clumps in the cushions digging into his back and butt.

"Well, this couch sucks ass… Do not recommend."

"We can share the bed, I don't mind." Tony offers and is ridiculously proud that he manages to sound so casual about it even though his heart is about to beat out of his chest at the mere thought.

"Yeah?" it might be wishful thinking, but Clint looks almost hopeful at this.

"Okay, that should work out." He actually smiles at that, and Tony could swear that the entire room lights up.

Aw, feelings, no.

While the storm picks up outside, they take turns in the bathroom and are pleased to find that the hot water actually lasts long enough for two semi-quick showers. Small favors.

By the time they're having dinner - heated up soup from a can because that's what they found in the kitchen - the heat is doing a great job in keeping the room warm. The chill of the wind is creeping inside, still, but it could be a lot worse. At least, they have plenty of warm things in here, and they're tired enough so that they don't feel like spending a lot of time out there.

Climbing into one single bed at night should be awkward, but it's really not. It is a tight enough fit so that they bump into each other, but neither of them pays it any mind. It's not like they're uncomfortable or unfamiliar with casual touch, but this is still… Different.

Nonetheless, they wish each other good night and then Clint pulls out his hearing aids and leaves them sitting on the bedside table. He keeps his back turned as he is drifting off to sleep, quietly happy about the company but unsure if or how he should bring up the steadily developing chemistry between the two of them.

Clint wakes up with a start and an elbow jabbing into his ribs. It's still pitch black in the room and there is no light filtering in through the windows, so he figures it must be still night. He is about to get up and out of bed to see who is attacking him, but then he realizes that it is actually Tony who is thrashing around in his sleep. He looks clearly distressed and like he has been caught up in his nightmare for a while.

Clint can't hear him, but he is no stranger to night terrors, both in himself and other people, so he acts out of sheer instinct.

Touching a person in a situation like this is a bad call and he knows it - so he calls Tony by name a few times, faintly hoping he doesn't end up yelling. Finally, Tony wakes up with a start. He is shaking apart and gasping for air, panicking and clearly embarrassed.

"You're safe. It's okay, you're safe…"

Clint is talking to him, low and even without being able to hear himself, but it seems to get through to his friend. Slowly, he inches closer. Although he keeps his face hidden, unwilling to openly show emotions, it is clear that he is looking for physical touch or comfort. Clint lets him come as close as he wants to and wraps both arms around the smaller man's shaking frame.

Then he rests his head on top of messy dark hair, with one hand gently stroking through it while he holds on as tightly as possible. It seems to work.

Tony manages to calm down over the next few minutes, and at some point he simply hugs back instead of letting go. He feels warm and safe and just a little bit loved, which is honestly more than he would dare to ask for. He is immediately grateful that Clint doesn't seem to mind.

Both of them fall back asleep, wrapped around one another and when they wake up the next day, neither of them have moved.

Truth be told, Tony wakes up first but he closes his eyes again. He wants to enjoy the solid warm body pressed close to him just a little bit longer - carefully, very carefully he doesn't think about all of those implications. His heart is beating a little bit faster now, and is surprised to find the arms around him tightening a bit.

"Mornin'... Are you okay?"

Clint is awake now, and he doesn't pull away when he asks this. His voice is slightly rough from sleep and there is something to it that makes Tony fall in love a little more.

"Yes, I am. Thanks." he answers, before he catches on to the fact that Clint can't hear him talk right now. So he just nods against him and half expects him to pull away now that he knows he's fine, but he doesn't. Instead, Clint just nods back and burrows deeper into the pillows and Tony before falling back asleep. Tony chooses to get comfortable again and sleep some more - after all, he has no intention whatsoever to turn down cuddles, especially if they're conveniently provided like this.

If this turns out to be anything other than what he hopes for, Tony would be absolutely heartbroken, but somehow, he has a feeling that this is not the case.

As it turns out, he is right.

They kiss that very same morning, in the tiny kitchen while they wait for the coffee to run through. It's a soft and fleeting thing, way more gentle than either of them would have imagined when they thought - or more like hoped - for this to happen, but it feels just right. There is a quiet happiness to it, and as cheesy as it is, they hold hands under the table even though there is no one around but them.

It's a start, and a good one at that.

[hot-wiings]

Requested By: Wattpad User.

Vamp! AU, NSFW, Fingering, Degradation. 

[Edited: 8-6-19]

Katsuki Bakugo. He was labelled as many things. Most of those labels were associated as bad. He was a monster. The most feared and hated man in the village. Not that you could call him a man, he was a blood-sucking thief.

They just didn't understand. He was a hero. At least, that's what he called himself.

He protected the village from the werewolves. Territorial little bastards. They were oh, so greedy, wanting as much as land as they could find. They liked to mark land as their own, and snap the necks of their enemies without the blink of an eye.

But their blood tasted so foul. It was bitter as vinegar. Was it too much to ask for a little blood from the village as compensation for protecting them? No, it wasn't.

Then there were the fairies. There were different types of fairies, but they were typically the same. Morally obligated, do-gooders. They always saw the best in people. 

Always trying to be helpful. A bit too cheery and happy for Katsukis liking. Although he's never actually met one, he heard their blood was rich and sweeter than honey.

Tonight was the full moon. Every full moon Katsuki went out and kidnapped a girl from the village. He'd take her blood, and live off it for the month. This was why the village called him a monster, despite him protecting them.

Katsuki walked around the village, deciding on a house. The houses were all boarded up. Windows blocked out, doors nailed up. As if a few planks and nails could keep a vampire as vicious as him out.

He came across one house that stood out more than the others. The doors weren't as boarded up. They were boarded, it was just poorly done.

They were weak. He'd be doing them a favour by taking such a weakling out. A weak target, easier to take. It was just tiring when they fought back, however, Katsuki did enjoy the fight.

He pulled the two boards 'protecting' you out of the house with ease. It was pathetic really. The boards never stopped him, so why bother.

He pulled the covers off your body. You were kinda beautiful, but that just made him crave you more. You were in a nightgown. What really shocked him, were your wings.

Looks like he rumours of a fairy in the village were true. He pierced his lip with his fangs. Looks like he was hungrier than he thought. He would still have to wait until he brought you home to devour you.

The longer the wait, the sweeter the pray. You. You would be sweeter than any forbidden fruit.

Katsuki laid you down on his bed. He couldn't wait any longer. He needed to taste your blood. He was hungry. Starved.

He moved your hair away from your neck. You were still asleep, your chest heaving up and down softly. He could hear your quiet heartbeat. He creased your soft and supple skin and plunged his fangs in.

It tasted sweet. Sweeter than anything he'd ever tasted. He wanted more of it.

You had woken up. Your eyes slowly widening as a sharp sting entered your neck. You gasped in pain, but it soon turned to soft groans.

It enticed him. However, your arms kept pushing him away. Coming out of his trance, not wanting to drain you of all your blood and kill you, he pushed himself away. Licking your blood of his lips he grinned at you.

"My little Fairy, your blood is so sweet I almost didn't control myself."

"Your Bakugo... Aren't you?"

You frowned. Your fate was sealed. He would use you as a meal for the month, then dispose of you before taking someone new.

Katsuki glared at you.

"Yeah, I fucking am. So get used to this. You belong to me now."

He turned around and slammed the door shut, leaving you with nothing but the sound of the clicking lock.

After nearly a month of living with Katsuki, you hated it. He was rude, mean, and vulgar. He treated you like a personal blog bag, which you technically were. You were happy he hadn't killed you yet.

You couldn't help but feel bad for him. He was hated, which is why he was like this. He wasn't shown real love before. Among feeling bad for him, you felt something else. You couldn't identify the feeling.  

He protected the villagers from the werewolves. You knew he protected the village. However, you never knew how hard it was, or how dangerous.

Katsuki limped his way into his house and dragged himself into his bathroom. He had blood dripping down his face, a gash in his arm, and his clothes were torn.

The thing about fighting werewolves, they're vicious. The thing about vampires fighting werewolves, werewolves wounds are more fatal to vampires. They take longer to heal, and hurt way more.

You followed him into the bathroom, and take out a rag to clean his wounds. You rinse the cloth with warm water and press it to his gash.

"Fuck! Stop that."

"I have to stop the bleeding. We both know what werewolf wounds will do to you untreated.”

He huffs and glares at you.

"It's not a wound. It's barely a scratch."

You cross your arms and glared back at him.

"Quit being bull-headed and let me help you."

He doesn't reply. You place the cloth on him again and clean him up. Trying your best to ignore his hissing and muttered swear words.

After you bandage him, you push him into the bed you've been sharing for the past month and lay next to him.

You hesitantly bite your lip, as you brush your hair off of your neck.

"Bite me."

"You want me to fucking bite you?"

"Yes. Feed off of me, you'll heal faster."

"No, I already fed off of you today."

You straddle him.

"You'll heal faster. You're weak right now."

"Fuck off."

"Just do it."

"No."

"Do it, or I'll cut open my hand and force-feed you."

“Fine, you fucking stupid fairy-ass bitch.”

He bites into your neck, plunging his fangs in you and sucking up your blood, drop by drop.

He pulls away after replenishing himself. He looks at you and sees you smile.

"See, was that is hard...?"

He watches your eyes flutter shut, as you fall unconscious.

"You idiot."

When you wake up again, you see him sitting beside you. His wounds are almost healed and he has a sandwich.

"Eat it."

He says it so sternly, it puts shivers in your spine.

"I just woke up."

He sighs and softly speaks to you.

"Just eat the damn sandwich."

He looks you in eyes.

"Please...?"

You take it from him. This is the nicest he's spoken to you. This is the kindest he's acted towards you.

You slowly bite into the sandwich. You're glad he gave it to you. It actually made you feel better. It might not have been a good idea to have him take so much of your blood, but you're happy you did.

"Why do you protect the village if they hate you?"

"If I don't, who would? You? Those wolves would break your wings like a little twig. They might even do worse to you."

"But they hate you."

"Do you hate me?"

Katsuki moves closer to you and looks you in the eyes. 

"No.”

"You could have killed yourself yesterday. You shouldn't have done that."

"You were in pain."

"Stupid little fairy."

"I’m not stupid."

"I'm the one who chose to go out and fight those mutts."

He was even closer to you now. 

"I didn't wanna see you in pain."

"Why? I fucking brought you here! I held you captive. I drank your blood."

"Because I love you!"

Katsuki smashes his lips onto yours. Your lips move in sync. He bites your lip and grabs your butt pulling you closer to him. It elicits a deep guttural moan from you. 

He can smell your dripping arousal with his vampire senses. It's provoking him. making him crave you with an insatiable hunger. 

Katsuki pushes you down on the bed and rips your shorts off of you. He moves your damp panties to the side and slips two fingers inside you. With how soaking wet you are, his fingers slide right in, making a sploshing sound as they go. 

"Look how wet you are for me. I barely touched you, and you're dripping wet."

Katsuki lowers his face to your heat. The smell of your luscious arousal hits his nose with a more formidable scent. 

"Wet like a pretty little slut."

Katsuki feels you tighten around his fingers. He aggressively pumps them in and out of you. 

"Whos dirty little slut are you?"

"Mhmm... I'm your’s Katsuki."

Katsuki brings his hand down and roughly smacks your heat.

"What are you?"

 "I'm your dirty little slut, Katsuki."   

Fingers still pumping in and out of you, Katsuki pulls you up by your hair and makes you look at him. 

"Who do you belong to?"

"You." 

He roughly jerks his fingers up inside you, making you cry out in pleasure. 

"You, who?"

"You, Sir."

"Good Fairy."

Katsuki added a third finger. He roughly and rapidly pumped his fingers in your hole. Once he felt you tighten around his fingers he pulled out making you whine. You felt empty and bare without him in you. 

He brought his hand, dripping with your succulent juices, up to his face. He licked his hand clean of you, moaning as he did. 

"Not only do fairies have the sweetest blood, but they have the sweetest juices."

"Why'd you stop?"

Ripping your shirt and bra off of you, he speaks with a wanton need in his voice. 

"You're not allowed to cum until I do."    

He grabs your breasts and squeezes them in his hands. He assaults the right one with his mouth. He gently bites and pulls on your nipple while sucking and swirling his tongue around your areola. 

With your left breast, he viciously attacks it. He pinches your nipple between his pointer finger and thumb. Rolling it and pulling on it.

He lets go of your breasts and pulls you closer to him harshly by the hips. 

"I'm gonna fuck the daylights out of you."

He pushes his cock into you. He wasn't super wide, but he made up for it with length. 

He mercilessly pounded into you. You grabbed onto the blanket under you and cried out as he continued his pleasurable assault on your body. 

"You like that little fairy? You like when I pound your delicate body like this?"

You couldn't reply as he thrust into you. You could only let out a string of moans. 

He slows down his movements. Making you whine, and crave him filling you up with his cock. His hand comes down and grips your neck.

"Answer me when I ask a question!" 

"Mhm. Yes Sir. I love when you pound into me. Pound me like the dirty slut I am."

Katsuki growled as he thrust himself into you again. He felt ready to release into you, as you tightened around him. 

“Cum with me, my little fairy."

He felt you tighten around him even more, milking him, as you ejaculate. He releases himself at the same time as you, filling and stuffing you up with his seed. If you could call it that seeing as he is a vampire. 

As he pulls himself out, a stream of your mixed cum drips out of you. He pulls you against him and lightly kisses your head as you nuzzle against his chest. 

"I love you too, my little fairy."