#was originally gonna gonna do a mini comic but then i got confused on what the definition of what a ‘fic’ was..

[iced-souls]

Happy Halloween to @kqrmen1 from the @rottmnt-secret-gifting extravaganza!!

Some many turtley peoples! First time drawing most and had a lot of fun doing so! WAHOO!!

[kira-fluff]

Hey heyy, have you thought about writing another common trope headcanon / oneshot with the MysMe guys?

Because the “only one bed” was extremely good!!

Even if you decide not to do it, just know that your blog and your talent amazes me<3

a/n: Did you even have to ask??? OF COURSE IF YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME LOL thank you gorgeous <3 I decided to try putting it in a fanfic (one shot unless requested) format since it's definitely quite long and making a mini-series featuring those you request for me to include in my next fic or a pt2! :) also this is a slow burn and is quite spicy <3 Also, I did my best not to make it like the whole share the room thingy again!! ***I’m not fluent in French pls don’t @ me

Length: 6k lol 

A Series of Unfortunate Events Fake Dating - Jumin Han 

A sudden message beep surprised you, causing you to look down at your phone. It was a text message from Jumin: Call me.  Immediately suspecting the worst, you quickly pressed his contact, the number dialing in seconds. There was a few seconds that ran by before the other end answered with a curt, "Y/n."  "Jumin, hey, is something wrong?", you asked, worriedly.  "Everything is perfectly fine. I was calling to ask you a favor -- feel free to decline." Jumin never asked for favors, or your help in general.. you knew whatever it was you were determined to assist him in the best way possible. "Of course, Jumin! Anything."  There was silence for a moment as if he was contemplating whether or not it this favor was truly worth asking before he spoke, "Please decline if you are unable to but... I was wondering if you'd be willing to indulge my father. He's insisted that I bring you with me to our business closure."  "Jumin", you began, "I'd be honored. I'd love to!"  On the other line, there was a sigh of relief (or of worry, you weren't sure). "Mr. Kim will be at your apartment to pick you up tomorrow. The meeting is taking place in Monoco -- pack for a ten-day trip" There was a pause before Jumin breathed out a quiet, "Thank you."  You couldn't hold back your smile, thankful that the conversation was over the phone, making it impossible for him to see your dopey expression. He hung up, leaving you to pack. Your mind quickly wandered from what you needed in your suitcase to worrisome waters.  You and Jumin had a very deep friendship following the party you’d thrown, spending the time following the ginormous celebration to get to know each other. It warmed your heart that your newfound friend took so much joy in being with you -- even when he tried not to show it. You lost track of the number of times you ended up sleeping over at his penthouse after accidentally staying up until 4am talking with him, swishing expensive wine in your mouths.  You didn’t expect falling in love to come so easily. You were someone who was quite choosey with your partners -- you weren’t one to fall easily for anyone. Even in your past relationships that sometimes lasted years, you’d never felt the way your heart felt now that you were with him. And yet, you were best friends. You were sure you meant something to him in so far as friendship, but you had respected him when he’d gotten drunk one of the first nights he met you and spouted out his heart to you.. 

-  “Y/n, to tell you the truth.... I’ve never fallen in love before.” He gazed up at you lackadaisically from his position on the sofa -- head rested over the top of the sofa cushion, his arm lazily resting under his chin. He started at you for a moment, his gray eyes gazing into your own with a hazy, absent feeling in them.  You laughed, “I find that hard to believe.” You walked over to him, absent-mindedly running your fingers through his tousled hair. He let out a long, uncharacteristic sigh, his eyes closing gently.  You leaned in close to him, looking him in the eye. “Can I tell you something, too?” He nodded. “I haven’t either.”  -  You grinned at the memory. You firmly believed that conversation was what brought you and him together closer than ever before. He’d always found an excuse to call you over for the silliest of reasons. Either he needed a certain form that he was positive he accidentally slipped into your bag on accident and needed to see it first-hand to check, or he realized he’d bought more wine than was necessary for a night alone.  It made you smile for months that he couldn’t get out the words “I miss you” or “I want you to come over”. Even to you, the words sounded intimate.. but that was the way your relationship worked -- you were very close with each other, as two best friends ought to be.  Still, as much as you tried, you couldn’t control the way your heart began to constrict when he got especially close to you. You couldn’t help it when you’d shiver when he gently brushed cat fur away from your cheek. You were shocked that despite his perceptive personality, he didn’t seem to notice or acknowledge your deep blush during these interactions... maybe he was uncomfortable with them.... you hoped not.  There were times the air was knocked out of you. Literally. Once, you weren’t paying attention to the fact that the sidewalk had ended and you were walking straight into oncoming cars coming off the highway when a muscular arm slid around your waist and pressed your body flush to his own. You stared with eyes wide open at Jumin, who comically seemed equally surprised at his actions. You couldn’t help the way your eyes trickled down to his sultry lips, taking in their beautiful red-wine color, blooming like dark roses. Thankfully, he seemed too preoccupied with your current state of mind and physical wellbeing. When you finally managed to get your mind out of the gutter, you thanked him profusely, grabbing his hands impulsively and begging to reward him in some way. His answer surprised you, “I--uh-- a movie. I’d like to do more research watching one of those movies you enjoy watching.. for business sales and such.”  “Sure!! I can recommend anything! I’ll drop the email by your office tomorrow” you answered.  A panicked expression took over his face for a moment before returning to its familiar stoicism, “You won’t watch it also?” Your eyes widened in confusion before you answered hurriedly, “Oh! Yeah, I’ll watch it with you. I just wouldn’t want to bother you if you were doing it for work purposes.”  You could never bother me you thought you heard him say, but you couldn’t be sure.  Yep, you were in love with Jumin.  When you at last finished packing, you went to bed, looking forward to the mystery that befell tomorrow.  -  You rose bright and early to prepare for the exciting trip that was bound to come. You couldn’t help the extra bit of effort you ended up putting into your appearance in anticipation of seeing Jumin again and.. possibly sitting next to him on an aircraft.  Right on time, you received a text message from Mr. Kim, indicating that he had arrived at your apartment right on time. As you opened your apartment door to carry your luggage downstairs, you were met with numerous familiar faces of Jumin’s employees who quickly took your heavy luggage items for you. You thanked them, making your way to the elevator with them.  You texted Jumin: Thanks for the help with my luggage :)  In a matter of seconds, you received a reply, Jumin: You’re welcome.  Grinning down at your phone, you didn’t notice your driver's light chuckle, a look of astonishment in his eyes. These blind kids.  You continued to chatter along with Jumin on your phone, at last arriving at the rendezvous point where Jumin and the Chairman pulled in identical black limos alongside your own.  “Thank you, Mr. Kim. I can take it from here.”  Mr. Kim nodded in obedience, ushering you to go to Jumin. Jumin patted the leather seat next to his own in the sleek limousine. You held back a laugh, there were plenty of other seats open for you to sit.. but it warmed your heart that he wanted you right next to him. As friends. The Chairman joined the two of you, sitting across from his son, a mischievous glint in his eyes that only Jumin could recognize. A silent conversation took place between Jumin and his father -- Jumin beginning with a raised eyebrow. The Chairman replied with a sly smirk. Jumin with a scowl, his father with a growing grin. You watched the conversation continue silently before the Chairman at last spoke, “Jumin, my son, I’m overjoyed to see you’ve brought your Y/n with you.” A flash of annoyance crossed Jumin’s face as he said, “My... Y/n?”  You blanched.. of course the thought of you being his made him uncomfortable... but you didn’t think he’d be angry.  “Y/n, I’m glad you could join us. However, as much as I hate to ask this of you, there is something I desperately need from you.”  Before you could speak Jumin interjected, “Absolutely not.”  You caressed his hand, looking up at him with kind eyes, “Jumin, hey, it’s okay.” Looking toward Jumin’s father you said, “Whatever it is, I’ll do my very best.” Jumin’s jaw feathered a bit, but he said no more.  He grinned, “Aren’t you a kind girl. Well, in this business deal, the contract was originally contingent on Jumin marrying his daughter -- which I was against from the beginning. After all, I know the importance of loving the one you wish to be with.” (Jumin rolled his eyes at that.) “Anyway, I declined the offer.”  You were confused, unsure where your part came in.  As if reading your mind, he continued saying, “However, I perhaps let it slip that you two were engaged. I figured you both are so close with each other already, that it would be no issue to play a bit of husband and wife for the sake of business, no?”  Jumin was furious, his nose flared, jaw clenched with hands gripping his knee. “How dare--”  You glanced at him, biting the inside of your cheek, a worried expression painted your face. When he glanced at you, his eyes widened and his shoulders relaxed. This did not go unnoticed by the Chairman.  “We’ll do it, won’t we Jumin?” he looked surprised but made no objection. You leaned in close and whispered shyly, “I want to do something as thanks for this amazing trip.. and for you.”  - Jumin dared to swallow. For me? What the hell does that mean? You were driving him crazy. Every time he looked at you he had to fight to readjust his attention to something else. Does she know what it does to me when she touches me? Even a little bit?  When you’d put your hand on him, Jumin felt his chest and neck grow impossibly hotter, hotter than he’d been feeling when you’d first sat down next to him. Hotter than when you leaned in close and breathily asked him, “Jumin... how long until we’re at the airport?” It was like you’d drawn out every syllable, breathing out every consonant -- your breath tickling his neck. He imagined what it would feel like to have your plump, rosy lips on his neck, on his chest, on his lips, on his-- he was in over his head. He cursed himself for his lack of control. Usually, control was not an issue for Jumin -- in fact, he considered it one of his greatest strengths. From his leadership position in his father’s company, C&R, to his well-controlled temperament and stress management.. Jumin just didn’t do “no control”.  At first, it intrigued him. He could remember the exact day it hit him. He’d invited you to an elegant dinner his company hosted to celebrate (in a sort of “humble-brag” sort of way) yet another successful business closing with one of the biggest corporations in America. He’d been finishing off yet another glass of his new Domaine de la Romanee-Conti he’d bought when his eyes at last placed you at the front of the champagne server. His eyes raked up and down the soft, silk gown that clung to your body in all the right places. The gown hung loosely, exposing your back and most of your chest, a sultry slit separating one of your elegant legs from the other hidden in the fabric. It was a breath-taking emerald color... but all Jumin could really think of is how he’d take it off. Your hair was curled and done-up marvelously with little white pearls decorating the crown of your head like you had stars in your hair... but all Jumin could really think of was how he’d mess it up. His cheeks were on fire. Everything in his body had risen in temperature of what felt like a hundred degrees. He twirled his wine glass between his fingers before setting it down at one of the well-decorated tables. I must have a fever, he thought, that must be it. Your eyes found his person just as he was turning around to leave, speed walking to one of the penthouse balconies for fresh air. You raced after him or at least followed him as fast as your obnoxious heels allowed you to go.  You breathlessly met him as he was staring out into the night. Jumin realized that his temperature was slowly returning to normal. Perhaps the room was a bit suffocating. I’ll be sure to message Mr. Kim about increasing the air conditioning in the room. But... looking back on it now, Jumin knew he was lying to himself even then. Because, when he turned around he almost let out a shout. And his breath became uneven again, and it felt so burning hot all over again.  You slowly crept toward him, donning a concerned expression saying, “Jumin... are you alright?” Jumin backed into the marble railing. He was so eloquent normally but all he could let out then was a choked, “Fine.” He couldn’t take his eyes off you. Every step closer, he wanted to run. The stars were reflecting in your eyes and the moonlight made your supple skin look impossibly softer... You gently cupped his face and whispered, “Jumin, talk to me..? Please?” Jumin was heaving, looking down at you with rosy red cheeks and burning ears. “I--I think I have a... fever. A fever.”  You gasped, taking one of your hands and lightly grasping the back of his neck, pulling him down slightly. His eyes widened as you took your other cold hand and placed it on his burning forehead. “Oh my god! Oh my gosh, we -- ambulance! An ambulance.. a doctor? Or.. are you... drunk?”  “My room... please,” he begged.  You looked him up and down, examining his face for strain or discomfort. When you couldn’t find any, you let out a breath -- perhaps you’d overreacted. Nonetheless, you swung his arm over your shoulder and trudged through the now quiet dining area. Most had filtered out to the ballroom for dancing. You’d been here a million times, so remembering the way was no chore. You fished through his shirt and coat pockets, running your gentle digits across his chest, assuming the moan Jumin gave off was due to pain, still, a blush flushed your cheeks. “Sorry, I’m almost done.” You held him against the wall since at this point he couldn’t stand. Maybe I am a little drunk, he thought. You moved down to his pants pockets, your hands roaming through a business card and other odds and ends, eliciting another soft groan from Jumin. “Almost there...” you breathed, at last pulling out a key card and with a soft beep, opening his penthouse suite. You gently carried him to his bed before going to grab a glass of water and a cold washcloth. When one was placed on the table and the other on his forehead, you at last placed a warm throw blanket you’d found in his closet over him.  ...That memory became a source of numerous dreams. Jumin couldn’t forget it, no matter how many times he’d wished he wanted to (or wished it all to happen again).  - You gazed at him, looking at the way his expression hardened at times, softening and then suddenly switching to an expression you’d never seen before. What was he thinking about? You bit your lip, nervous that Jumin might change his mind upon meeting this woman his business partner wanted him to marry. She was certainly more beautiful, right? After all, Jumin hadn’t necessarily made any physical contact voluntarily toward you more than an occasional back rub in your asked after a long day at work, or if he got drunk while you two accidentally stayed up late -- then he’d sometimes caress your face with a love-sick expression and saying little things like, “You’re beautiful.” It was cute, for sure, but what drunk doesn’t turn into a soft puddle of goo, complimenting everyone around them?  You leaned into him as subtly as you could manage, closing your eyes to concentrate for a few minutes.  - You jumped awake when a deep voice rumbled in your ear, “We’re here.” You could hear the slight smirk in his voice, and sure enough, when you looked up, you saw a slight smile on his face. “Did you have a good dream?” You looked toward your left, thankful the Chairman was already out of the limousine and speaking on his phone to someone. “I--I had a dream?”  Jumin’s smirk stretched a little wider, “Yes. You said my name a couple times.”  Your eyes widened in shock before saying, “Oh! That dream! Yeah, I was dreaming that you were being eaten alive by bears and I was forced to watch!” God, you were such a bad liar. Jumin blinked. He felt sort of stupid. “Oh,” he cleared his throat awkwardly, “I see--”  Grateful for his gullibleness, you added, “Why, what did you think I was dreaming about?”  Jumin avoided eye contact saying, “Not anything in particular.”  A call for Jumin interrupted your conversation, making Jumin almost run out of the limo. You smiled a bit, a little flush rising up to your ears.  Jumin returned again, grabbing your hand. “This way,” was all he said. You followed him to the private jet that the Chairman was already boarding. You caught yourself staring at Jumin again as you followed him up the stairs to the entranceway of the cabin. Jumin smartly chose a seat far away from his father’s field of vision. He’d had enough of his unnerving looks when you’d fallen asleep on his shoulder, whispering things Jumin was beyond grateful only he could hear... at least he hoped. When you occasionally began to whine a bit louder he’d quiet you down by running his hands through your hair and stealing glances toward his father nervously saying, “A nightmare.” He wondered if he’d fooled his father, because the Chairman lightly chuckled and made his way to the passenger seat of the limo, sliding the privacy door shut. It had only gotten worse from there, you almost shouted his name, but he covered your mouth. Heat had been pooling in his stomach for a while now, but he didn’t know how much more he could take. Still, every time he thought of waking you up, you’d grab at his chest or legs,  effectively completely embolizing him.  You, of course, were unaware of all of this. You sat down next to him eagerly and wrapped your arm around his, pulling him close to watch a movie on the jet screens. It was almost 9pm by now, the night sky beginning to close in on the quiet aircraft. Neither of you could remember when you fell asleep, only waking up to the soft announcement of arrival from the pilot on the overhead and a soft blanket placed over the two of you.  You both groggily made your way to your waiting limousine to take you to the complimentary hotel stay at one of the chains owned by your expectant future business partner.  “Of course, I know you two are just friends.” The Chairman looked at you two before continuing, “So I have two hotel rooms, you’re 17 and you, Miss Y/N, are 18. I’m in master suite 3, so feel free to reach out whenever.” His eyes glittered as he said, “Have fun. Remember to act like a loving fiance! Especially you, my son." Jumin pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head in contempt.  You turned your head toward Jumin, “Um, well, I’m pretty tired as you could probably already tell,” you laughed uncomfortably, “so I think I’ll head off to bed.”  Jumin blinked a few times before saying, “I will as well. Goodnight, Y/N.” You whispered a shy goodnight in reply before slinking into your hotel room.  - You awoke the next day to a call from a maid outside your door - room service. You thanked her before diving into your waffles, complete with chocolate dressing, whipped cream, strawberries, and powdered sugar. A glass of orange juice was delivered along with various other breakfast options and a bowl of kiwi, dragonfruit, apple, watermelon, honeydew, and almost any other fruit you could think of. Following your delicious breakfast, you padded over to the bathroom, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes and running the shower. Going through your morning routine helped calm you despite the role you weren’t at all prepared to play in just a few hours.  You jumped at the knock at your door. Looking through the peephole, it was Jumin. Flinging the door open, you looked at him expectantly. You were met with silence other than a few “uh.... uh....”s. You looked at him sarcastically, “What?”  He continued to stare, not at your face, however. You laughed but quickly grew silent as you met his gaze. You were an actual moron. What. The. Fuck. You were still in your fucking panties?!?! You slammed the door shut, running to slip on some shorts you found lying on the ground in the bathroom. Taking a deep breath you gently opened the door this time. Jumin was standing still as a statue when he snapped out of his trance at last. He looked away, “Try not to be dressed. I mean STRESSED.” he sputtered, “I-I’m going to leave now--”  “Um, Jumin?”  He slowly turned around, face as red as a strawberry, “Yes?”  “Um, sorry. About before. Um. Do you-- do you want to get some coffee? I’m still waking up, if you couldn’t already tell,” you laughed nervously.  He smiled warmly, “I’d love to.”  You awkwardly nodded before shutting your door. You ran to your hotel bed and screamed into one of the pillows. You cursed under your breath before making your way to the bathroom once more to finish the makeup look you had begun before being interrupted.  After 45 minutes, you looked your outfit up and down. You packed outfits that were elegant -- you bought clothes that looked expensive but in the kind of way that was subtle. Nude tones and deep colors, specifically. You were aiming for a look that said, “I’m not rich, I’m just comfortable. And by that I mean I’m rich.” You were never insecure about the difference in your and Jumin’s paycheck.. but when you’re supposed to play a part. And if you showed up in your comfy joggers and t-shirt like you normally wore when you visited Jumin or were free from work.. you had a feeling their reaction wouldn’t be the most inviting or understanding.  At last, you stepped out of your room, turning left to knock on Jumin’s door. He beat you to it, opening his door unexpectedly. This caused you to instead lean forward from your momentum and place your hand on his chest. You hurriedly adjusted his tie, doing your best to act as if that’s what you’d meant to do all along.  Jumin appeared to be just as surprised, but grinned, “No leggings and t-shirt today?” You jabbed him with your elbow as you made your way to the coffee bar, “Do you think they’d be all welcoming to your soon-to-be wife if she showed up in lounge clothes?”  “I’ve never complained.”  You scoffed, “Yeah, well, that’s because you’re nice. And, you apparently understand that not everyone can live in a suit every day.”  He paused for a moment before mumbling slightly, “Who cares what they think anyway.”  “I do! I don’t want to let your dad down. I told him I’d do this. We’re in Monaco, Jumin! C’est la vie!” “Parles-tu français?”* “Oui..?”  Jumin chuckled darkly before leaning in, saying, “Tu es juste trop mignonne.”** You blinked before replying, “...oui...?” Jumin looked at you incredulously with a slight smile on his face as he laughed, lightly ruffling your hair.  Jumin ordered for you -- apparently, it was quite clear you only knew a few words in French. Unfortunately, he also paid for you, despite your objections. Before you could yank his platinum card out of his hands, the transaction was already complete. He gazed down at you, an eyebrow raised with a triumphant smirk, “Elle aura aussi beaucoup de crème dans son café.”*** “Hey, what are you saying?! Jumin!! Speak Korean or English or Japanese! Something I can understand!!” You complained.  The worker interjected, “C’est tellement agréable de voir un couple sur leur ‘oneymoon.”**** You instinctively interjected, “Oh, that’s not--!”  But Jumin just smiled and nodded.  Upon sitting down at one of the many open tables, you let out a little giggle, “I wonder what it’ll feel like when I’m on the real thing.” Jumin quickly looked up from his staring contest with his coffee, “Real.. what?”  You grinned dreamily, “Honeymoon.”  “You.. want to get married?” “Don’t you?”  Only to you, he thought. “Maybe. If the right person came along.” If you’d ever say “yes”.  You held back the nervous twinge you felt in your throat, “Alright then, don’t be shy. What’s your type?”  “My.. type?”  “Yeah! Like, your ideal girl.” He paused, looking pensively at you. “Well, then I suppose my ‘type’ is a girl who is beautiful, and smart, and pretty... and always makes me laugh. And is bold but also shy.” His eyes widened as he grew quiet, “...something like that.”  You were shocked. He said he’s never fallen in love before.. but it sounds like he already has some girl in mind. “Wow. You’ve... thought a lot about this.”  Jumin looked surprised at himself -- he cleared his throat, “Just some ideas.”  You were still skeptical but changed the subject, “So, what exactly does this whole ‘wifey’ thing entail?” “Most likely just a ring on your finger and a fake smile.” “Oh come on, there’s more to it than that.”  “I’m sure my father has the details.” As if on cue, his phone chimed. “Ready to head out?”  “Yep!” You weren’t entirely sure, but you were beside yourself with nervousness and a bit of excitement. If you can’t have the real thing, you shouldn’t complain about a chance to fake it, right? And sure, you knew it was much more complicated than that -- what if he realized your true feelings?! ...You shook the thoughts out of your head and made your way to the waiting vehicle outside of the hotel. - “Monsieur Lorenzi! Good to see you!” The Chairman shook hands with who you assumed was the boss. “Let me introduce to you my son, Jumin, and his beloved fiance, Y/n.” You waved, smiling despite the twang in your heart. You and Jumin shook hands while Mr. Lorenzi introduced you to his daughter.  “It is so nice to meet you! This is my daughter, Ginevra.”  Immediately, you sized Ginevra up -- and she does not look happy. “So.. you’re the bitch who stole Ju-Ju from me?” “Ginevra! Be polite, please?” Mr. Lorenzi practically begged her, but she wasn’t budging, “Oh, come on. Their ‘engagement’ hasn’t even been released to the press yet!”  You looked worriedly between Jumin and Ginevra, but Jumin lovingly put his hand over yours, a soft smile on his face, “I’ll handle this, sweetheart.” He couldn’t help himself and lightly pecked your cheek, smirking into the kiss when he heard you elicit a small “oh!” Facing the irate woman, though, Jumin smiled in a way you’d seen him smile when he wasn’t particularly...happy.. about something. “Miss Ginevra, I can assure you Y/N and I are completely in love. She is my fiance, after all. That being said, we decided not to alert the media because we wanted our own privacy until the wedding.”  Ginevra scoffed, “Please. You barely even look like you’re dating. Face it, I know you want me, Jumin.” She bit her lip in a way that was supposed to be seductive, but Jumin couldn’t hold back the slight cringe that crept onto his face.  “T-that’s enough Ginev--”  “God! Shut up, Dad!  Mr. Lorenzi backed down at that, looking apologetic and embarrassed toward the Chairman and Jumin, and especially toward you.  You were growing tired of the entire conversation, “Shall we sit down?”  All except Ginevra agreed readily, the Chairman coughing in a way that sounded more like a laugh he was trying to conceal. Jumin's jaw clenched when he sat next to you, to your left and Ginevra quickly sat in the seat to his left. The meal went as well as expected. Jumin's father recognized that Jumin had his hands full and spent the majority of the dinner talking business with Mr. Lorenzi without his son.  Meanwhile, you were awkwardly playing with your filet mignon, avoiding eye contact with everyone until Jumin leaned his face down to your avoidant eye level. You snapped out of your trance immediately. You looked up at him -- his eyebrow was raised with an inquisitive expression. Okay, that was adorable. You held back your intruisive thoughts, blinking up at him, silently asking, "What is it?"  Jumin stared a little longer than necessary, before snapping out of his own trance and leaning in further and whispering in your ear, "...Are you alright?"  You nodded in reply, "Just a little uncomfortable."  Jumin gazed down at you in concern, "We can leave if you--"  "No. No, I'll stay." Who knows what that girl will do if I leave. He didn't look convinced.  Suddenly, Ginevra was calling for Jumin. Repeatedly. He turned in annoyance, "Yes?"  Her voice got low, clearly to exclude you from the conversation, "Let's go somewhere..." she looked Jumin up and down slowly, "...else.." And with no shame, she lowered a manicured hand to his knee, slowly trailing it up to his thigh. He immediately grabbed her wrist, saying in a low, deadly voice, "I have a fiance."  She sighed in frustration, "You're kidding yourself, baby--"  Jumin's eyes widened suddenly, and not due to anything Ginevra was saying. Your hand was high on his thigh as you leaned into the conversation you'd heard the entirety of. "Miss... whatever your name is.... Jumin is my husband. Soon. We have something you could never dream of every having because your personality sucks. And honestly, only you can fix that."  There was silence at the entire table for a moment before Ginevra turned her head quickly toward her father, "Daddy?!"  Her father had already gotten up, ushering the business conversation to continue rather than deal with his trainwreck of a daughter. She huffed, looking red in the face, perhaps in embarrassment as well as anger. "Well, you still can't prove that you're even dating!"  You very furious now, your glare cold enough to freeze the desert, "Is proof really the only thing that will shut you up?"  Before she could even answer, you geared your pissed off expression toward a semi-intimidated, semi-turned on Jumin and grabbed his face, meeting his lips with your own. Your kiss was meant to only last a few seconds at most, but when you tried to pull away, Jumin only deepened the kiss, pulling your face harshly toward his own. He tugged at your hair, earning a loud moan from you as he forced his flush lips further onto yours, his tongue gaining entrance into your mouth. His eyebrows were deeply knit into a consentrated expression, groaning as he felt you readjust your position onto his lap. You stradled his lap, a leg on either side of him, your tongues battling for dominance as you fished for air between you two. At last, you both parted, heaving in big breaths as a string of spit clung between your mouths -- only to go in for another searing kiss. You began to roll your hips against his own, gently at first but quickly gaining more momentum and roughness as you two continued to make out. You'd noticed his hard-on the moment you'd straddled his lap but it only grew as you two began to explore the other's body. And just like that, you realized you were still in a formal dining setting. With other people. You pushed against Jumin's chest, looking around you in a frenzy. Ginevra was long gone along with the Chairman and Mr. Lorenzi. It was just the two of you, it looked as if it was after hours for the dining here. Soft jazz still played melodically through quiet speakers. Your eyes met back again with Jumin. He was smirking, still breathing heavily, his eyes glowing with mischief and a clear message that said something you probably would blush saying out loud. You laughed a little at the sudden turn of events. Did he like you? You wondered. He made quick work of dragging you (because your legs turned into jelly) out of the dining hall and back to his hotel suite. Jumin hurridely opened his hotel door before slamming you against the wall and continued to kiss you furvently on your neck, chest and of course, lips. He began to grind on you, letting out a soft curse when you mewled in his ear. Both your cheeks were completely red from the heated exchange and the embarrassment that both of you felt at your candid feelings. Yet something still bothered you. You pushed him away with all the strength you had because he was just so addicting. "J-jumin.... wait..." You gasped between breaths, "...I-I don't do this sorta thing... for fun..."  Jumin frowned at this, his jaw feathering as he said darkly, "I don't either."  You shook your head, "No, Jumin... I mean... I-I......" You took a big breath of air, "I'm in love with you. Have, for long time... pretty sure you don't feel .... the same wa--"  Jumin's eyes narrowed as he dove in for another kiss with so much force that the air was nearly knocked out of you. "Y/N," he began, "Do you have any clue how much I've held back? Even now, do you know how hard it is for me not to pick you up and fuck you right here and now? Do you know how long--" He laughed sardonically, "Y/N, I swear you're doing this on purpose."  "Doing wha--" "Making me fall deeper and deeper in love with you! I'm already pass the point of no return. Hell, I've never felt a fraction of what you make feel in a moment... in my entire life."  You took a moment to really look at him. The expression of complete and udder desperation was now clear as day on his face, his cheeks flushed, breathing heavily, his tie loose around his neck, chest slightly exposed. He began again, "Please. Please... put me out of my misery. Say you're mine, please."  Your eyes never leaving his, tears prickling your eyes, you answered, "I always was Jumin.. and I always will be. And, and if the offer still stands--" You blushed, looking down shyly and your feet, ashamed of your own boldness.  Jumin's eyes pooled impossibly darker as he picked you up and led you to his bed, laying you down gently and asking, "I know this is probably soon but... Y/N, will you make me the happiest man on earth?"  You laughed, pure joy on your face as you shamelessly cried, "Yes!" over and over again.  Jumin couldn't hold back the huge grin that took over his face as he kissed you in between laughs.

TRANSLATIONS: * “Do you speak French?” ** “You are just too cute.” *** “She will also have a lot of cream in her coffee.”  **** “It is so nice to see a couple on their honeymoon”

[silvia7272]

ML Salt ~ The Cardigan Story

This is based on a true story.

Honestly, I always remembered this story because it constantly made my Sister and Mum laugh when I told them I outed a liar at school by wearing a cardigan, they were so proud of me because what I did wasn’t mean and I wasn’t even doing it out maliciousness so I thought, hey why not put it in the ML universe?

This isn’t canon to my main series so no Rosina since there isn’t any need for her, sorry sweetie.

And since I doubt Mlle Bustier would never out Lila, I’m changing the teacher to someone who actually has a backbone.

Word Count: 2303

Tags: @queenmj10, @fangirl39, @animegirlweeb, @northernbluetongue, @maribat-is-lifeblood, @raisuke06, @indecisive-mess-named-me, @luleck, @themotherofhogwarts, @more-or-less-human-i-guess, if you wish to be tagged all you have to do is say. Also, if you change your name please tell me, I don’t want to leave you out since you’ve asked to be tagged.

I know you may not wish to be tagged for one-shots, but I thought you might enjoy some salt I was able to come up with.

Also, I wrote this in one day so I’m extremely proud of myself.

***

If you told Marinette that Lila’s reign over the school would end over a cardigan, she would tell you you’re as crazy as she was about Adrien.

A lot.

But, she did just that.

She had to thank Adrien really, the ‘advice’ he gave her was what really pushed her.

She wouldn’t outright expose her, no, she had tried that before and look where that got her, near expulsion that’s what. And not one of her friends tried to stick up for her. She always remembered that glare Alix gave her, and since then she had been ignored, turned away by them.

Even after Lila came out with ‘the truth’ she was still seen as an overly jealous girl.

“Lila’s promised she hasn’t lied about anything else she’s said to us, it only acts up around people she doesn’t know as well, maybe next time, instead of being jealous you should give her a chance and stop being a baby. Girl this all could’ve easily been avoided if you weren’t so Adrien crazy”

Really? They actually believed that load of crap?

Whatever, Marinette was done, done with everyone.

If they wanted to show her how wrong she was then she’d let them wait until hell would frost over, because fat chance that would ever happen.

If Marinette was proud of one thing about her then it would have to be her stubbornness to get to the truth.

And she could be extremely patient.

***

It was just an average day at Collège Françoise Dupont. There weren’t any Akuma’s caused by anyone the previous day so Marinette was finally able to have a good night’s rest, something the exhausted teenager really missed.

She felt so re-energised she danced in the kitchen as she made breakfast without a care in the world.

.

Before she fell over that was.

“…Owww”

“Careful dear, you wouldn’t want to be hurt before school hours, now just sit tight and I’ll get you something to eat,” Her Maman said. Marinette felt grateful. After breakfast, she gave her Parents a kiss before leaving.

She had loving parents that supported her every beck and call.

…Well most of the time, but that didn’t matter, she would never let Lila manipulate them ever, her Parents were off-limits.

By the time she arrived at school she was one of the first ones there, Nathaniel in the back drawing his comics, texting Marc as well, it seemed like he was in his own ‘do not disturb’ bubble. Max was talking to Markov about some new type of game, and Rose and Juleka were just cuddling.

She made her way to the back feeling a positive emotion before exhaling.

Because it was about to be ruined.

Lila walked in with Alya, Nino and Adrien by her side.

She was telling a story about her ‘one of a kind cardigan-

Wait-

“My Grandmother made this cardigan especially for me carving her signature on as well, it’s the only one in existence because shortly after she made this, she ended up being in a terrible accident that left her bedridden.” They pandered to her of course. But for once she wasn’t focusing on the lie but the cardigan.

Oh, Lila’s only gone and done it now.

“I’ve always wanted to wear it, but I didn’t want it to end up ruined by someone” Her gaze casually went up to a lone bluenette, but she really wasn’t bothered.

“Don’t worry girl, I’ll keep a watchful eye on your cardigan for you. Ain't nothing gonna come between me and my besties property” They hugged before sitting down in their spaces.

‘Oh my god, I have a plan’ Marinette had that thought circled around her head until break. It was all she thought of.

Mind you, she wasn’t trying to expose everything she’d done, just that one lie. And that would be enough.

As soon as the bell rang, she was ready, she gathered her stuff and rushed home.

And thank god as well, Lila would not shut up about that cardigan, through Literature, Science and PE, it was constantly my Grandmother made it for me this, it’s the only one of its kind that.

Ugh, she wanted to rip her ears out at some point but had to endure it. No one else was bothered since they all believed her, even the teachers!

Yeah, you don’t really need any proof if it was handmade, some of Marinette’s earlier stuff didn’t have her signature on, but still, it was the principle of the matter!

And she could right that wrong.

In her room she was frantically searching for that item as Tikki dodged different articles of clothing, one hit her as she wasn’t looking, and she was down for the count.

“Marinette what are you looking for?” Marinette paused to look back at Tikki before continuing a bit calmer.

“Lila’s been lying about that cardigan and this time I can prove it.” Her eyes lit up as she lifted a cardigan up from her cupboard.

“One of Maman’s friends gave this to me a few years back, it was one of the reasons I got into fashion because of how soft it is and I wanted to replicate that. Don’t you think it looks familiar?” As Tikki looked over it her eyes widened, she knew Lila was lying anyway but she had no idea Marinette had definitive proof of it.

“That’s the same cardigan Lila has!” Marinette nodded before wearing it.

At least it still fit.

“But Marinette I thought we were gonna take the high ground?”

“Tikki it's tiring having to listen to them being lied too. I may not want them to be my friends anymore, but I just want the lying to stop. If I go and tell them that she’s lying with this as evidence they’ll clearly see she’s lying”

“But outing her like that won’t make it better!” Marinette wished she could respond with ‘are you sure’ but didn’t want to piss the mini-god off.

“Fine, what if I just wear it until someone notices, that way I’m not actively looking to publicly shame her? Better?” Tikki gave a reluctant nod, she knew her chosen wouldn’t let up about the situation, besides this whole thing was really just pettiness, nothing too serious. If no one noticed nothing bad would happen.

“Bye Maman, bye Papa” As she began walking back, she grew a bit nervous with her plan.

What if Lila made a whole other lie about her cardigan? What if she lied that Marinette had stolen it out of jealousy and everyone would try to take hers? She’d have to run away and live with a secret identity, all before getting caught and going to prison, and she’d never have her three kids and her hamster named-

“Ahem Marinette, is thou there?” A hand brought her out of her trance

“Ahhh!” She waved her arms before composing herself and seeing D’Argencourt in front of her.

“Ah, yes Monsieur?” How long had he been standing there? How long had she been rambling in her head?

“As I was saying, these new garments of yours, where did they originate from?” It took her a while before realising he was talking about her cardigan, she was so used to wearing her jacket it felt strange she had changed.

“Ohh this, well it was a present from Maman’s friend. They were on sale a few years back, so I thought I’d wear it again” He furrowed his brow before telling her to carry on with whatever she was doing.

“Well, that was weird. Do you think he liked the jacket?” Tikki ponded as her head ever so slightly popped out the small handbag.

“He’s always been weird Tikki. But whatever, let's just get back to the classroom.” All she had to do was wait.

***

‘How the hell hasn’t anyone noticed yet?’ Marinette was secretly fuming in her mind right now. None of her classmates noticed the change in her outfit.

Not one.

Bustier did however, the bluenette was sure because she’d see her teacher quickly glance from Marinette to Lila but never said a word. Probably thinking of that whole, ‘be the bigger person’ crap.

And not even the excuse of maybe Bustier didn’t know, bs. By the time break happened everyone in the school knew about that damn cardigan so don’t get her started.

‘Oh well, looks like that’s it. My petty revenge came flat… At least Lila didn’t pull a Marinette ruined my belongings stunt’ That would’ve been the last thing she needed.

Knock Knock Knock

The door opened before Bustier could reply, a teacher would reprimand a student for this type of rudeness, but it wasn’t a student.

It was a teacher.

And it was Monsieur D’Argencourt.

‘What the-’ Marinette didn’t remember this part of the plan.

“Excuse me Caline, but I need to interrupt the class for an announcement.” Bustier was about to deny but D’Argencourt the stubborn teacher as he was, walked straight on through ignoring whatever Bustier would’ve said.

“Lila Rossi, may you please step in front of the classroom?” Lila looking completely confused let go off Adrien, much to the relief of the boy, and walked in front of her desk.

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng?” He didn’t need to repeat the command.

Yes, command not a request.

“Can I ask you where you got your cardigans from?”

“Armand, I don’t think this is appropriate-” He shot a glare back at the teacher.

“I can assure you this won’t take long if I’m not interrupted”

Lila looked over to Marinette and realised with a sinking feeling what was happening. But she would win this time. Just like all the others.

“My Grandmother made this specifically, you see-”

He held a hand up to silence her.

“Yes, that’s quite alright, and Marinette would you like to repeat what you said before?” As Marinette did just that Lila was seething, he cut her off. How dare that simpleton cut off Lila Rossi!

He would pay.

“Well, it appears one of you is lying, and I expect that person to own up to it now” The class gasped as they all looked expectedly at Marinette, they knew she was petty but to do this was so low.

Lila looked at her smugly, she had tried to play with fire but got burned in the process. How could she even think she’d get away with this?

“I was talking about you, Lila Rossi”

“Eh, what?” The class gasped as they tried to say of course Lila was innocent, Marinette was the one lying. Or that Marinette must’ve tricked him.

He shot a glare towards all the class members as they instantly shut up.

“I don’t remember this being a class discussion, if I want your opinion, I will ask for it. Understood?” They nodded before giving sympathetic glances towards the brunette, D’Argencourt almost had the urge to shout at their incompetence but alas they were kids.

“I can tell you why you are lying Lila, with a photo. But as I’m feeling generous, I will give you one more chance to reveal yourself.” The class was silent as they all looked on in anticipation.

But Lila stood her ground defiantly, as if he actually had proof-

Oh…

Oh no she’s doomed…

“Then I don’t suppose this looks familiar? Hmm?” On his phone was a picture. Lila immediately lowered her head, too ashamed to look him in the eye.

3 guesses of what it is?

No.

.

.

No one?

.

.

Too easy?

.

.

Ok, it was the cardigan.

And at a fairly cheap price. No wonder she had it in brand new condition.

“I first knew you were lying once I saw Marinette wear the exact same one, however, hers was clearly worn out, evidently she has worn it for several amount of years. You had already messed up when you said it was the only one made. So please…” Lila looked up to see D’Argencourt giving one of the most frightening glares of the century.

“Don’t ever lie about anything to my face or anyone ever again, you will be court out and I will be keeping an eye on you. Is that final?” She meekly nodded her head, trying to give a frightened appearance to make him have sympathy but he was immune.

“That will be all. I hope your class has learned a valuable lesson of not taking things at face value” And with that, he left. Leaving Marinette with a different impression of her PE teacher, it seemed he didn’t like liars all that much.

Marinette smiled, her plan worked, and she didn’t even out her herself. Tikki surely can’t be mad at her now.

Bustier tried to get the class to go back to normal but she couldn’t. The class erupted into a screaming fit, asking how Lila could lie about that sort of thing?

It wasn’t until someone unexpected said the next few words she wondered if this was a dream.

“Hey if Lila lied about this what else did she lie about? She even said herself she doesn’t lie to her friends but that was a lie” That made the class tick as they soon realised and soon torn into her about it.

Leaving Lila, a ‘sobbing mess’ on the floor. All before she stopped that fake display and arguing back.

But the one who said that…

Was Adrien.

He was able to slip by the crowd and stand next to Marinette.

No words were said, she knew what he would’ve said even without the noise.

‘I’m sorry’

It was a start, and maybe through time, she could start trusting again.

But for now, she just wanted to enjoy this chaos…

.

.

Before there was an Akuma alert.

***

I want more D’Argencourt I want more D’Argencourt I want more D’Argencourt. I probably screwed his speech but oh well this is salt, doesn’t have to be accurate.

Phew, hope you enjoyed it, sorry its shorter than the others but this happened when I was in Year 5 and I was 9/10 years old. Woo 10 years ago, god that makes me feel old. Also, not everything was exactly this way, the teacher did out the person in front of the whole class, but she admitted it and went back to her class, we had two classes for maths. Anyway, I actually have to give Lila credit compared to the liar we had at our school, this person actually knew I had that cardigan and actually complimented me on it like months earlier and still had the audacity to say that. I think that’s the reason why I think if I was in their world I wouldn’t believe Lila because I already had a Lila at my school who would always say they’ve done the exact same thing as we had (They even said they had the same Aunt as me living on the same street, crazy right). Mind you they never said anything to me, I think they were too embarrassed plus, I was a goody little two-shoes there.

Anyway I really hope you enjoy it and if you like real-life stories so much I can always try to ask my friends for more ideas, I did have like some slightly toxic friends there that I may be able to tell you about but I’ll try to think how later.

Cya next time.

[feralnumberfive]

The Rewatch Academy: Episode 1 of Season 1

"We Only See Each Other At Weddings and Funerals”

I am in no way a good analyst so my little analysis and speculations probably sound a bit goofy or pretty wild and probably mean nothing at all. Everything I put into this post about each episode is purely what I noticed or thought, whether it's funny or serious. I will be making jokes, so please just leave it at that (in no way am I trying to make fun of an actor and or character!) I am also in no way saying I noticed this stuff first. This is just what I noticed while rewatching these episodes

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

1x01 | 1x02 | 1x03 | 1x04 |

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂️ In the Pilot script, it has a woman giving birth to a baby boy in Poland in 1984 (potentially Five or maybe even Luther??) 

☂️ “Picture Book” is an absolute bop and no one can tell me otherwise

☂️ What if someone saw this parade of carriages and noticed that there were seven? Later Reginald announces that he adopted 6 kids, so I wonder if anyone saw the carriages earlier and heard Reginald's announcement and became confused

☂️ The concert hall in the Pilot script is in New York, which I assume is safe to assume in NYC. The script also mentions later that Diego drops the monocle in the Hudson River

☂️ The Pilot script originally had Allison in LA, and Klaus in Amsterdam (which he was supposed to be levitating in that scene)

☂️ Diego was originally supposed to be pretty brutal and violent

☂️ I am a huge POTO fan so having a medley of the songs from the musical is so awesome to hear. The first time I watched this episode and heard the violin starting to play, I was like “Huh, this really sounds like POTO” and then I realized it was! It gave me chills and still does to this day overtime I watch this scene

☂️ The dark and mysterious tones of POTO really matches the vibes of TUA well. It’s just so good, especially as a way to introduce Vanya. The first song Vanya plays is “Phantom of the Opera” which is a nice symbolism when introducing the Hargreeves Siblings. The song itself is Christine discovering who her true Angel of Music is, a strange masked man that everyone knows well but they truly don’t know who he really is, like with the Umbrellas and their separate personalities and struggles as actual human beings and not just as the superheroes the public knows them as. It also plays while showing Diego, who is a mysterious masked figure at that point. 

☂️ “Angel of Music” is basically Christine asking her angel to guide her, which is ironic that it plays while Klaus is getting out of a place that guides him down the right path, knowing that he’s immediately going to go do drugs again and to go down the “wrong” path

☂️ I wonder if the voice in Luther’s spacesuit as he receives his message is an automated voice or his robot named “Ben” like in the comics. I doubt it’s the latter, but who knows

☂️ Okay, here’s another POTO thing. Diego picks up his knife and wipes the blood off of it and tells the family “Your family is safe now” right as the start of “Think of Me” plays. The first lyrics of the song are “Think of me, think of me fondly” which can be seen as Diego wants the family to truly view him as a hero that saved them

☂️ Aaaand here’s another! Again, while “Think of Me” is playing, one of the parts in the song where Raoul sings “Long ago, it seems so long ago, how young and innocent we were” plays while the paparazzi begins questioning Allison about her father and siblings

☂️ Okay okay, last POTO thing. I especially love that "Music of the Night" plays when Klaus wakes up in the ambulance at night. It's so awesome! Especially since the song is basically about giving into your darkest desires, which Klaus clearly did

 ☂️ Goddamn is the music in the show amazing, and I’m not just talking about all of the fun lyrical songs! Jeff Russo you get a thumbs up from me

☂️ Ta-da! Here’s some portraits that are shown of the siblings with Reginald when they were young that are shown in the show

☂️ Even the first person Vanya sees when she arrives home doesn’t greet her/welcome her back 

☂️ Emmy and Elliot really played that awkward hug and greeting between Allison and Vanya well. You can feel the awkward tension (hey sisters)

☂️ According to the pilot script, Diego wears his mask practically all the time like in the comics

☂️ Luther was literally supposed to have a gorilla body in the pilot script

☂️ “Oh, YoU gOt BiG, lUtHeR”

☂️ Godddd the song playing while Vanya looks at the books on the shelf in including her own is 👌

☂️ Ah, there’s a book called “Lunar Living”

☂️ It might just be me, but it seems like the light shining onto Five’s portrait is ever so slightly askew

☂️ Vanya leaving the lights on and sandwiches for Five reminds me of someone leaving food outside for a stray cat

☂️ Five was originally supposed to be gone for over 22 years in the pilot script

☂️ I wonder at what point in each of the siblings’ lives did they realize, or at least they thought, their brother wouldn’t be coming home 

☂️ Babies 

☂️ There’s so many ape and monkey pictures and diagrams around Reginald’s office. Foreshadowing for Luther?

☂️ I love Klaus’s theme. It’s heard in almost every episode https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJa9H8SY4wQ&list=OLAK5uy_k2NJivpu0PIwxrOmPVrqN4umBZaahOGWI&index=6

☂️ Why does Reginald have two pictures of himself featuring aircraft? In one of them he’s outside a private jet and the other is him inside a cockpit

☂️ I must say that the dialogue in the pilot script definitely closely mirrors the dialogue of the comics 

☂️ “Told me I should be careful who to trust” 👀

☂️ Something behind Elliot is moving

☂️ I was hoping for this to be a gazelle of some sort above Five’s portrait, but It’s an Gemsbok. However, the Gemsbok is an antelope and all gazelles are antelopes

☂️ “The Walker” playing during the bank robbery scene is 👌👌

☂️ Luther is ready to throw hands

☂️ These robbers really decided to rob a bank at 10:05 am?

☂️ I just love Five popping out of nowhere criss-cross applesauce 

☂️ Something that hasn’t been explained/fully shown is Five’s ability to teleport objects. He teleported the gun out of the guy’s hand and replaced it with a stapler

☂️ Five’s teleportation noise reminds me of something going really fast, like an aircraft breaking the sound barrier. It’s almost like a mini sonic boom, but not as loud

☂️ Okay so I’ve noticed this in most of the episodes, but I don’t think when Five teleports he makes an actual noise. I’ll point this out more as we continue through the episodes. At the bank scene when Five is on the counter, it appears that the first time he teleports the bank robber whips around when Five speaks. The second time the robber turns to Five simply because he doesn’t know where he went and he’s searching for the threat

☂️ “That’s one badass stApler”

☂️ When Ben asks if he has to go into the Vault, he looks at Klaus for reassurance even though Luther is the one speaking to him

☂️ Five was still pretty cocky back in his youth. They, or more like Ben, have more bad guys to take care of and he’s just chilling with his hands in his pockets and leaning back/slouching like he’s bored. His tone with the robber also proves that and the way he just happily bounds out of the bank

☂️ Sir, why are you looking at the camera

☂️ Luther’s little wave to the reporters when the Umbrellas come out of the bank is cute

☂️ The pilot script didn’t include a flashback of a bank robbery, but instead to the Umbrellas training when they were younger. There’s too much to screenshot to I’ll summarize it.

-Luther bench-presses over 500 lbs

-Diego has been holding his breath for about six hours and he flips Reginald off

-Klaus levitates stuff

-Allison is slacking off and when Reginald tells her to continue her training she simply rumors him that she doesn’t have to

-Ben is fighting guards and Reginald calls him “Number Six” to which Vanya, who isn’t supposed to be down there, corrects him that his name is Ben and reminds Reginald that they have names

- Five very quickly and quite brutally rips off the heads and limbs of training dummies, snaps their necks, and stabs them. He is referred to as “A ruthless little war machine.” Reginald calls him “Perfect”

☂️ The pilot script implies that Reginald had alien life mounted on the walls of his office

☂️ There wasn’t a dance scene in the pilot script

☂️ Not to get super into detail about this, but Luther’s room is filled with a lots of models and paintings of aircraft, mainly from WWII. Almost all of them are of Allied aircraft, and more specifially Commonwealth aircraft, like the RCAF. So this could be more of a clue to the Umbrellas living in Canada

☂️ Diego giving that Wildebeest head the stink eye aways makes me laugh

☂️ Klaus is dancing with Reggie’s urn in a Waltz fashion, so maybe he’s just doing that or it’s the ballroom dancing lessons they received as children peeing through

☂️ I love Diego’s dancing skills

☂️ Fuck you Five for ruining their dance party

☂️ Honestly Five’s portal is pretty powerful. Here’s a description of it from the pilot script

☂️ I like that when Luther tells everyone to get behind him and Diego copies him with “Yeah, get behind us” Luther lets his brother use himself as a shield instead be pulling the “I’m the leader, I’m the strongest” card

☂️ When Luther and Diego are shielding their siblings, Diego has his arm stretched out to guard Vanya

☂️ In the pilot script Five’s body is smoking when he comes out of the portal

☂️ What if when Five fell out of the portal he got knocked out so he just laid face down on the ground unconscious aksdhfjsafhd

☂️ “So are we gonna talk about what just happened?” No bitch, let him make his sammie first

☂️ Diego and Klaus had some sort of bet on Five’s time traveling in the pilot script

☂️ Here’s another example of Five’s teleportation possibly not making noise. When he teleports around while his siblings are questioning him, it looks like they only look at him when he appears and not when they hear a noise

☂️ Five in the pilot script is actually 62

☂️ “What part of the future do you not understand?”

☂️ I like that Five styled his hair to the exact style it was when he was actually young, but eventually gets looser throughout the season

☂️ Five is so oddly calm when talking to Vanya in front of his portrait

☂️ “Well, there are worse things that can happen.” “You mean like what happened to Ben?” Yeah there’s also an apocalypse on the way lol

☂️ Five actually got a hug in the pilot script! 

☂️ An ironic moment from the pilot script considering that Five is an assassin and has killed tons of people but this siblings don’t know that

☂️ When Diego is talking about their names and numbers in the courtyard, Five sighs, which I’m sure he’s just bored/has better places to be and is annoyed, but I’d like to view it as “Shit, I don’t even have a name”

☂️ Funny tidbit from the pilot script during the funeral scene “Whatever the hell you are”

☂️ Diego talks about how he assumed Reginald sent Luther to the moon because he couldn’t stand the sight of him, so he must be talking about Luther being like a “failed” leader or something? Like he couldn’t keep the team/his siblings together? Diego doesn’t know about his ape-like body so he’s not thinking about that.....

☂️ I love that Klaus reaches his arm out to guard Five, and that Five simply glares at him and bats his arm away

☂️ When Luther broke Ben’s statue, I can just imagine Ben yelling at Klaus “Seriously? Klaus, why didn’t you stop them?”

☂️ So I’m sure this is just a continuation error, but you can’t see Five walking away in the shot of Ben’s statue hitting the ground. Considering that he had just left, he should still be visible in the background. Again, probably a continuation error or maybe he even teleported inside

☂️ A detail I love about Luther is that his fingernails are dark due to the gorilla DNA

☂️ The bank robbery scene in the pilot script is after the funeral. Not much was changed for the actual first episode, just a few different scenes. Also the Umbrellas were described as gods

☂️ Vanya drawing the tattoo on her wrist hurts my heart

☂️ “Together, you will stand against the reign of evil” gives me chills 

☂️ “This is your home and always will be” is great foreshadowing to S3, and hurts my heart when I think about how it is in fact no longer their home

☂️ When I first watched this episode and saw Pogo watching Vanya I knew something was pretty sus

☂️ Just some gold dialogue from the pilot script during the scene of Five, Allison, and Klaus in the kid area and Five is complaining about coffee (but in the pilot script everyone but Vanya is there)

☂️ “An entire square block. Forty-two bedrooms, 19 bathrooms” goddamn the Academy is HUGE. Also 42 is just one away from being 43 👀

☂️ “I know how to do everything.” Yeah, like survive an apocalypse and professionally kill people :]

☂️ I’ve pointed this out before, but the license plate on the car that Five takes to Griddy’s says HERMES, which is the license plate of his car in the comics

☂️ The exit sign in the background is only half lit up to where it says EX and if my memory serves me correctly that’s the door Vanya and Leonard enter the Academy through in episode 6

☂️ Diego telling Klaus to lean back is like “Ugh I don’t want him with me, but safety first”

☂️ I love that they added his feral chimpanzee smile from the pilot script into he show

☂️ “You won’t be going home.” Cocky smartass strikes again. Not to mention he smiles when he says that. He also says this to the men before he kills them in the pilot script

☂️ Before I even knew about TUA, I had heard of the “Istanbul (Not Constantinople)” scene and looked it up. I remember thinking “Wow, that kid is scary.” Now I think “Wow, that old man is scary.”

☂️ I love the little salute he does before he blinks away, and the way his basically just plays with these men like a cat playing with its prey. He knows he’s going to kill them, but he wants to have fun doing so

☂️ Five had some fancy moves in the pilot script

☂️ Five teleporting his tie around the man’s neck is another example of him teleporting an object. Can we see more of this actually happen in S3 please?? I also love the fact that he takes it off the man’s body and puts it back on

☂️ The way he calmly, or tiredly, snaps the man’s neck is chilling to see from a child’s body. This was also included in the pilot script *chanting* Feral Five, Feral Five, Feral Fi-

☂️ It’s honestly such a cool and iconic scene on the show. It truly shows that Five is fully capable of handling himself, and is/was great at his job

☂️ Having the city at night in the background of Diego dropping the monocle is really pretty

☂️ I really like the way they revealed Ben. Having watched both season and now watching this scene again is a bit awkward when Ben doesn’t talk. He’s probably just tired of Klaus 

☂️ “The world ends in eight days, and I have no idea how to stop it.” This line combined with the music and the previous scene of Five in the apocalypse is powerful and chilling and I love it

☂️ I love that they have The Umbrella Academy theme playing during the credits in both seasons

-------

Feel free to comment or reblog with things you have noticed too!

[loopy777]

RE: WIPs game: do I even want to know what Dicebenders is is it another scam how many times are the Gaang gonna get arrested for scamming

No, this time it's me scamming people. XD The dice in question are the RPG Dungeons & Dragons kind.

For a while I was doing a screencap webcomic in the style of "DM of the Rings" and "Darths & Droids" with another creative fan named Captain Boomerang. I was the scriptwriter and selected the screenshots for each panel, and Capt-BA would assemble the comics and improve my scripts (a process that did frustrate me a little, as I felt locked out of the revision process, but I did like the results. I just felt like I wasn't holding up my end of the partnership a bit). I wrote a story bible explaining the characters and storytelling rules, planned out the adaptation of the entire AtLA premiere, and had less detailed plans for the rest of the series, but we only got 6 comics in before Capt-BA went on a trip and never returned to the internet. I did manage to re-establish contact with her long enough to get permission to continue the comic, but the problem is that I have no image-editing skills whatsoever.

If I could find comic-making software that I know would do what I want and be easy to use, I wouldn't mind dropping some money on it, but everything I've looked at is trying to do lots of things I don't need. I only want a way to import existing pictures into comic grids, and then easily add dialogue bubbles. That's it. But the stuff I've found is more about image-editing than comic assembly, and it takes me an hour to put together a dialogue bubble that looks good. So I have 3 scripts that were never produced, which along with the planning docs are what's in that WIP folder, and I don't ever see myself going beyond that.

Besides, someone else already managed to complete something like this, and while I'm not a fan, I don't need to be. At this point, Dicebenders is dead. I'm glad I tried it, and it's a shame it didn't work out, but I'm happy with the other projects I've done instead.

I am squatting on an empty Tumblr for it, though.

Anyway, to share something new, here's the first section of the Story Bible I wrote to make sure Capt-BA and I were on the same page in terms of characterization. The rest of the bible details the plotlines for full series.

AVATAR: THE LAST DICEBENDER

BIBLE

Premise- A small group of players attempt to run a fantasy martial arts RPG that winds up essentially becoming the Avatar saga, or something very close. The main point of the series is comedy, based mostly on ridiculous links between Avatar and RPG's. Sometimes the humor will be in the vast difference between what happens in the comic, and what happens in the cartoon with the same screenshots. Other times, the funny will come from the unexpected ways they converge.

SPIRITUAL PREDECESSORS

DM of the Rings- The original, and my personal favorite. It's a good showcase of how to run a single quest together, while using narrative jumps to skip to the good bits.

Darths & Droids- A similar project, this stands out from its predecessor in two main ways. The players and GM are more friendly with each other, and are more or less having fun with each other. There is also a running, coherent storyline in both the game and in the lives of the players.

Benders & Brawlers- This is actually an existing attempt to do Darths & Droids with Avatar. This is helpful as an example of what we DON'T want to do, retell the Avatar story in a completely straightforward manner, with RPG players behind the characters.

CHARACTERS

None of the characters will be given real names. The players shall always be referred to by their character names, although this can be done in a teasing, ironic manner. When the characters are speaking, their dialogue bubble must always be attached to an image of the character.

The Gamemaster- The GM is a female in her early teens. She is a geek, and a bit of a social outcast for it. Nevertheless, she's trying to make that work for her, although she's not quite mature enough to make it happen yet. She has just discovered RPG's, and in her enthusiasm has gone all out in starting her own campaign. The only problem is that she doesn't know how to recruit players, so she ropes her best friend and little brother into playing with her. This is the GM's first campaign, so she'll a little in over her head. She knows the mechanics of play, and what she's supposed to be doing as GM, but doesn't have the fine skill in crafting an engaging RPG experience. Still, she wants to do her best, is willing to learn, and has a positive attitude about the whole thing. The GM has a strong crush on the Sokka player, but the only way she can express it is by having all the female NPC's flirt with the Sokka character.

Katara- Female in early teens, and the GM's best friend. Katara's player was friends with the GM from when they were both in grammar school, so while they have grown up into wildly different personality types, they are fully loyal to each other. Katara is popular, and outgoing, and doesn't care or know about geek stuff at all. She's only playing the game because the GM begged her to. At first, Katara is clueless about RPG's, and frequently questions or ridicules the mechanics of the game. She never quite gets into the idea of role-playing, but quickly takes to the idea of meta-gaming. She'll have her character act like a righteous do-gooder, because completing missions and fighting bad guys earns XP. She hoards items that will boost her stats. She'll advocate abandoning a mission/plot if it doesn't pay out enough rewards. Katara's player also can tend towards trying to Mary Sue her character, but this is inconsistent and usually shot down by everyone else.

Aang- Male in junior high, and the GM's little brother. He plays simply because his sister has cajoled him into it, and there are hints that he's getting some kind of reward or payment for it. He abuses his position by forcing the GM to give him what he wants in the game, even if it breaks the rules- access to the restricted Airbender class, the ability to bend all four elements, overloaded stats, an Avatar State that protects him from dying, a magic super flying cow ride, etc. However, it's important to note that Aang's player isn't a jerk. He's just immature, and like all kids, just always goes for what he wants via the easiest path, and doesn't realize that he may be causing trouble or hurting feelings. He's enthusiastic about trying out this RPG thing, but he has trouble coming up with any action beyond attacking or retreating. He's also hyper aware that the GM and Katara are girls. He is too old for cootie concerns, but thinks that girls are fundamentally different creatures with their own incomprehensible concerns. Having a big sister, he doesn't find this a big deal, just part of life. Aang's player is too young to be a geek. He likes cartoons and sports and fantasy and school-dramas. He also tends to follow whatever his sister likes.

Sokka- Male in late teens. This guy is your quintessential RPG player. He has is own top-quality dice, he's played campaigns and systems of all kinds, and knows the tropes of the hobby cold. He's a huge geek for all things geeky, but roleplay is easily his favorite. He's a social outcast, but he's made friends among his fellow geeks, and thinks life is just fine. Sokka's player joins when he meets the GM at the comic/games shop they both frequent. The GM was buying some sourcebooks and material to support the fantasy martial arts game she's running, and Sokka noticed, asked about it, liked what he heard, and got permission to join the game. What Sokka doesn't realize, because he is a geek and neither has experience with it or realizes it's even possible, is that the GM is sweet on him. This manifests in the character Sokka's canon luck with the ladies, only kicked up a notch. *Every single* female NPC flirts with him, whether it's appropriate or not. Sometimes player Sokka notices and tries to roleplay it, and sometimes he's just plain confused. Sokka has a few quirks. His best set of dice are his Lucky Red Dice, which always roll high when he needs it, but have been tested and proven to be fair dice. He also mandates that every character he plays use a boomerang; he was turned into a geek by the first video game he ever played, a Legend of Zelda title, and his favorite weapon from those games are the boomerang. Each of his characters has a unique, named boomerang.

Zuko- The GM's favorite NPC. She created him to be a compelling, dramatic character, with a complicated back story, moral struggles, badass loner personality, angst about his existence, a darkly noble quality, and a cool scar. The GM intended Katara to get to know Zuko, for her to try to woo him away from the side of evil, and perhaps to even have a romance with him. The PC's, however, couldn't care less about him. To them, he's just another mini-boss, and the fact that most of his character development is happening "off screen" means they don't realize that he's recruitable. A frequent gag is Zuko delivering a stirring monologue while no one pays attention.

Iroh- Background NPC. The GM tries to use him to give (ignored) hints to the players.

Toph- (tentative) A male munchkin gamer who picked a long list of weaknesses in order to get superbending. Toph's player is a friend of Sokka's player, brought in after an "incident" with his old group, and causes some initial resentment in the group when tries to show the n00bs how its done. Cowing Toph's player is a major victory for the GM.

Momo- NPC, but maybe make him a talking sidekick who gives the players hints when the GM is really exasperated?

Azula- the GM's best favorite villain. Azula is the GM unleashed, letting her take out frustrations on the players in both combat and harsh taunting. Eventually the GM comes to like the character so much, she retcons mental health issues into the character's backstory, and has her pet NPC, Zuko, spare her.

[zachsgamejournal]

PLAYING: Breath of Fire IV

My son has given up (he wants to play Submerged: Hidden Depths now), but I’m committed. Unlike Breath of Fire III, I remember very little from this game. And it moves along at a decent pace. I’m gonna see it through...

So--we got caught and kicked out of the Empire...

The kingdom of Ludia is really upset about Cray and Nina’s adventure. Not sure who they are exactly. We’re confronted by a short guy that reminds me red-nosed villain chasing Fou Lu. Same person? Anyway, Cray is apparently the Chief of Worens (cat like people). I do remember being excited that they explored that race more, since Rei was kind of on his own in BoF3.

Because Cray “lost” the king’s sword, a symbol of truce between the Empire and the Alliance, and he snuck into their territory, the Empire is demanding a “neutral zone” be established. Which is really the Empire grabbing more land from the Alliance. Nina is committed to helping Cray, so we plan to go to his home village for help: Worent.

On the way, we run into mischievous fairies in the forests. It’s kind of comical how BoF 3 & 4 represent fairies as trash-talking jerks. The fairies, as a prank, shrink Nina and she’s carried off to a bird nest. Ershin and Ryu can see the fairies, which annoys them and they present themselves. They semi-apologize for the joke and say the shrink spell won’t last forever. We’re supposed to listen to a bird chirp to identify Nina’s tree--but there’s like 3 trees, in a vary narrow map, so it’s hardly a challenge.

Nina, shrunken, tries to escape the nest, but the bird has mistaken her for a baby bird, given her wings, and presents Nina with a grub for snacking. Nina is grossed out, and there’s a mini-boss fight against the bird. As Nina tries to climb down the tree, Ershin head butts the tree, knocking Nina loose. As she falls, she grows and lands on Ryu (Funny).

We continue to Worent. The elders are angry about their Chief Cray’s capture. As a village of warriors (apparently inspired by Native American Aesthetic), they’re ready to go to war if Cray is executed. But they ask Nina to find Crazy’s mom for advice. Once Cray became Chief (after her husband’s death) she decided to live as a nomad. In order to find her, we have to navigate a large plain. This requires us to use a weird floating squid creature that the Empire uses in place of horses.

This sequence is similar to the desert bit from BoF3, but we don’t need water or have follow stars. It’s shorter too.

Finding Tarhn, she suggests we make a fake King’s Sword to replace the old one, absolving Cray of at least one crime (the weakest of the crimes, if I’m being honest). We’re directed to find the black smith who made the original. He lives in a volcano. More plain traveling, Volcano Dungeon. And--hey, a Dwarf! The dwarf is happy to help us, but he needs a “fairy drop”.

We return the fairies. They’re happy to help, but their home (where fairy drops come from) has been invaded. So they offer to take us there. “Turn around,” they say. It’s so they can drop a potted plant, rock, and other blunt objects on the characters’ heads. It’s kinda funny. Apparently they live in a dream world, so you gotta be a asleep to get there.

Very easily, we clear out the “nightmares” that have taken residence here. A fairy offers to get a fairy drops. She goes into the tall grass, grunts, and comes back with a fairy drop. Apparently a fairy drop is fairy poop.

We get back to the black smith and he makes us a King’s Sword copy. Returning to Ludia (I think), we try to present the sword to find that one has already been returned. We know the sword was broken, and that we have a fake, so where did this third sword come from? The Empire “returned it” but demanded the neutral zone. Now we have no leverage to get Cray.

Also, we’ve met a new character Scias. He’s joined us this whole time. It’s a tall Dog-Samurai type guy. I remember liking him the first time I played. He has a stutter, which is an interesting trait to give a warrior. He explains that he’s a mercenary, and says a future war would be good for him as it’s an opportunity to make money. He’s very intrigued by our heroes for working so hard to save Cray. He doesn’t quite understand it, but he’s been assigned to “watch us” so he comes along.

One of the officials fusses at Scias for letting our heroes run about, making fake swords and stuff. Scias simply says, “You told me to watch them, not stop them.” The official commands Scian, “Let me know if they do anything else!”

At this point, Nina decides to bust Cray out. We go to the castle at night. Nina asks Scias why he’s willing to help. Scias says, “They told me to let them know if you do anything, but they didn’t say to stop you.” We rescue Cray.

Cray wants to make sure the Woren don’t try anything stupid. They’re very thankful to have their chief back, safe and sound. Cray then wants to see his mother. He apologizes for his errors, but she tells him: “You’re not a child anymore, you don’t have to apologize to me.” She then reassures him that he clearly was doing what he thought was right. Reflecting on what to do, they realize the Empire has been looking for something. They decide that something is Ryu--who is indeed a dragon. They conclude the empire wants Ryu as a weapon. Nina offers the team travel to Wyndia to speak with the Air Dragon there.

WHOA--maybe we could have started there???

It’s interesting. As much as BoF3 annoyed me with having a clear mission (Meet with God) and then disrupted that mission with tons of petty tasks, I’m not as annoyed by BoF4 doing something similar. See, we’re trying to find Elina, and just as we’re getting close, we get deported. And then we have to do a 101 tasks to save Cray just to get back on track for solving our original task.

I think the difference is that each side-task does feel like it’s moving us forward, but it’s also giving us clues. I come out more knowledgeable about the Empire, the War, and what’s going on. It’s like a detective show where each clue introduces a new concept or perspective.

The game also moves pretty quick. Dungeons are pretty small and not super confusing. I’ve done zero grinding, and I’m not struggling to fight. BUT, I still don’t like it as much as BoF3.

BoF3 was filled with nuanced morality. Should I kill a monster that’s hassling farmers when it’s just trying to feed its children? Should I rob a criminal mayor who wrongfully overtaxes the population, leading to gangsters showing up? Everything was about the lesser evil, in a sense, with no clear choice of right and wrong.

I’m not getting that in BoF4 at all. I think there’s metaphor for nuclear weapons, and how war affects the average person, but it’s not super strong or as moving as BoF3′s conflicts.

On to Wyndia!

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Were I to have an insane and unrealistic amount of power over at Marvel I’d re-organize the Spider-Man relevant trades. I share the belief that the hurdle to new readers isn’t so much that there is a long history so much as a history spread all over the place. Wanting to read Spider-Man isn’t simple even if you do have the time and patience to read 50 years worth of comics. You need to know WHICH comics and WHAT ORDER to read them in. And the latter has a multiple choice answer!

This is part of why USM was so strong in it’s early days. 1 title, no satellites, no spin-offs. All you needed to do was pick up issue #1 or trade volume 1 and read sequentially from there. Not just easy to follow but easy to catch up and thus allow readership to grow.

Thus I propose that we simply organize the Spider-Man brand into a series of sequential trades. Functionally these will be like the Deadpool Classic trades, but with multiple trades following the various characters of the Spider-Verse. Want to read just about Peter Parker, you pick up his trades. But want to read just about Miles or Venom? The trades will have you covered going across their respective histories in the in-universe reading order.

In other words you need not worry about whether story arc A in ASM happens before story arc B in Spec and where Guest appearance C fits in. The trades would sort it all out for you. You’d just pick up any volume and read cover to cover, with tiny subplot pages and text inserted where relevant to clarify things. E.g. if there were 2 three part stories happening at the same time, you don’t want to interrupt that, so you’d just print one then have some text saying ‘the following three issues take place during the events of the ASM #X-Z’.

Additionally, in order to not make things unnecessarily confusing I’d omit retroactive stories like Untold Tales of Spider-Man, Symbiote Spider-Man, etc from these trades. My rationale is that not only would these spoil certain things but more significantly as time goes by people will inevitably write more retroactive stories meaning the trades would need to be constantly amended.

Instead I’d simply make a ‘Companion’ trade series reprinting such stories in publication order with a few notes explaining where they take place relative to the original issues. E.g. you’d pick up ‘Peter Parker: Spider-Man Classic Companion Volume 1’ and before you read Untold Tales of Spider-Man #1 a note would inform you it happens after ASM #3 or whatever.

So what would these trade series be exactly?

Something like this:

1.       Peter Parker: Spider-Man Classic: Simply every Peter Parker appearance or relevant comic book. ASM, Spec, New Avengers, Secret Wars, guest appearances, everything!

2.       Mary Jane Classic: Same thing for Mary Jane, albeit to save some time we could simply reprint the MJ relevant pages from various comics as there would be little need to reprint a whole Spidey adventure she just cameos in. The info text could simply give you context for each appearance before we got to meatier stories. I’d employ this method for all of the following whenever relevant.

3.       Black Cat Classic: Obviously this would include her solo minis but also and team appearances like in Heroes for Hire.

4.       Daily Bugle Classic: It occurred to me there were several stories focussing upon a lot of the supporting cast that didn’t feature Spider-Man himself. That aside people love the supporting cast so I figured some trades chronicling their exploits would make sense. For this trade series it’d focus upon J. Jonah Jameson first and foremost but also Betty Brant, Joe Robertson, Ben Urich, etc

5.       The Many Loves of Spider-Man Classic: Same idea but with the Spidey girlfriends who don’t have that many appearances to their name. The main focus would be Gwen Stacy because for good or ill she’s a character who people are interested in. But you could also throw in appearances from Deb Whitman, Carlie, etc.

6.       Spider-Man’s Tangled Web: TBH I couldn’t figure out a good name for this one, but essentially this would be about Peter’s friends who aren’t superheroes, Bugle employees or girlfriends of his. This would include Flash Thompson (pre-Venom), Liz Allan, Randy Robertson, possibly Glory Grant although she’d also fit in with the Bugle trades I guess. Throw in the Tangled web issues and your good to go!

7.       Clone Classic: As you might expect this would chronicles Ben Reilly and Kaine’s exploits, but also for good measure ALL the clearly clone related stories. So we’re talking appearances involving Miles Warren and Gwen’s clone too. Although I guess the latter could fit in ‘the Many Loves of Spider-Man’ trades.

8.       Spider-Man’s Amazing Friends Classic: All of the superhero friends Spider-Man has who are closely associated with him and have had off and on titles over the years. Prowler, Silver Sable, Rocket Racer, Sandman (when he reformed), Jackpot, Alpha, Will O’ Wisp, etc

9.       Goblins Classic: I thought of doing a trade purely about the Osborns but this seemed more logical. It’d cover every appearance of the Goblin related characters. We’re talking Norman Osborn, Harry Osborn, Bart Hamilton, Roderick Kingsley, Ned Leeds, Jason Macendale, Phil Urich, Green Goblin V, Hobgoblin from Bendis’ Secret War, Gabriel+Sarah Stacy, Lily Hollister and whoever else will become a Goblin

10.   Doctor Octopus Classic: Speaks for itself, and yeah it’d include his clones from Superior onwards too.

11.   Symbiotes Classic: I thought of having this be about all the symbiotes OTHER than Venom and Carnage but having 3 sets of trades for symbiotes seemed ridiculous. This would cover every symbiote (Venom, Carnage, Hybrid, Scream, Toxin, Mania, Sleeper, etc) along with major hosts of theirs. Eddie Brock, Cletus Kasady, Mac Gargan, Flash Thompson, Andi Benton, etc

12.   Sinister Six Classic. Maybe you couldn’t call these guys A-listers strictly speaking but these would be the real famous Spider-Man villains who haen’t already been mentioned. We’re talking the Vultures, Electros, Kravens, Mysterios, Chameleon, all the really classic costumed Spidey bad guys you could think of with the exception of some of the folks I’m gonna name below

13.   The Many Foes of Spider-Man Classic: This would chiefly chronicle the stories about the characters from Deadly/Lethal/Superior Foes of Spider-Man, most importantly Boomerang, Beetle and Shocker

14.   Spider Women Classic: All the 616 centric Spider Ladies. Jessica Drew, Julia Carpenter, Mattie Franklin, Cindy Moon, Anya Corazon, maybe even throw Madame Web in there for good measure. I think it makes sense to consolidate them together into a trade series as their publication histories meant they were usually passing the baton onto one another.

15.   Miles Morales: Spider-Man Classic: Guess who this is about. Obviously this would include his appearances in Champions, Avengers, etc

16.   Gwen Stacy: Ghost Spider Classic: Every Spider-Gwen/Ghost Spider/Earh-65 Gwen appearanceD

17.   Spider-Ham Classic: You get the picture. Although I’d also add in versions of Spider-Ham that are from different Earths as well

18.   Spider-Man 2099 Classic: We’re actually already doing these in real life, but I’d want them to include every version of Miguel too and brief appearances across other titles

19.   Ultimate Spider-Man Classic: Obviously the same deal for Ultimate Peter Parker, but I’d also include Ultimate Jessica Drew as well

20.   Web of Spider-Verse: A trade series that reprints in publication order every other AU Spider-People out there. All the What Ifs, the Earth X stuff, House of M, X-Men: Forever, 1602, Noir, India, Peni Parker, Fairy Tales and of course Web Warriors

21.   Spider-Girl Classic: We’re already doing this one too. Just wish it’d come out faster!

22.   Spider-Man: Japan Classic: ALL the Japanese Spider-Man stories. Every appearance of Supaidaman from Spider-Verse and beyond. Every appearance of Spider-Man J, Mangaverse Spider-Man, Spidey Fake Red and most controversially Spider-Man: The Manga (deffo gonna have to put a mature readers disclaimer on those ones.

[xhanisai]

Dark Adrien prompt- Marinette gets tired of Adrien/Cat Noir teasing her, so at one point she just grabs him by his shirt and passionately kisses him.

Originally wanted to draw this out but adulting took over ripperoni ;;;; Have a quick oneshot instead (we’re lacking some good ol’ marichat in this AU and that’s a  s  i  n  :0)

~(x)~

“Bonsoir, Mlle. Chibinette~!” Chat Noir purred out as he fluidly slipped through the trapdoor from the balcony, dramatically flipping down on the girl’s bed and then plastered an innocent look as he faced her. (Which pretty much required hanging upside down from the stairs but the cat didn’t care).

He only received silence and a back towards, the love of his life scribbling down notes for what he assumed, homework. That didn’t deter him; on the contrary, it fuelled his mischievousness to the brim. 

“Aren’t you gonna greet me, Baby Bug?” 

Chat’s faux ears caught the annoyed muttering that escaped Marinette’s lips and the way she added pressure to the pen she’s writing with. He creeped closer whilst his grin grew wider. 

“Mini-ne-eeeeeeeette?” This time she huffed and her knuckles whitened from her grip on the poor writing tool. 

“Are you ma-aaaaad at me, Petiténette?” The pen was abruptly snapped in half and Marinette swerved towards the masked hero with eyes raging pure fury. 

She shot up to her full height, not faltering once at how Chat’s figure loomed over hers by a long shot. Hands on her hips, head lifted up to meet his gaze, Marinette growled:

“Utter one more word related to my height, Adrien, and I will destroy you.” 

The boy’s cheeks were starting to cramp from how much he was smiling, relishing the reactions from his poor girlfriend. He tilted his head with a coy smirk, letting his fingers run through her hair that was tied up in a messy ponytail. 

“But Mari-”

“No.”

“Marinette-”

“Don’t. Even. Speak.”

“Itty-bitty-baby-bug-”

With a frustrated yell, Marinette yanked Chat forward by the bell, making him bend down to her small stature. 

“Listen here you idiot cat. Ever since you got that dumb growth spurt, you’ve been teasing me nonstop during school, during patrols and even during akuma battles! I swear I will knock you down to a size that matches your brain which I assure you, is smaller than the size of my thumb. Do. You. Understand?!”

Letting him go without hearing his answer, Marinette stomped back to her chair, ignoring Chat’s guffaws as he made way back to her again. Once he calmed down, he rested his cheek against hers, resisting the urge to laugh at her comical way of doing work.

It’s very well known that Adrien is very bright and top of the class when it comes to academics and sports (Though he’ll never understand how Marinette and Max always gets full marks on Maths and all three sciences). However, when it comes to reading situations and common sense, he’s a lost cause.

The moment right now is a pretty good example of his dumbassery and biting off more than he can fucking chew.

“Alright, alright. I’ll shut up now,” He chuckled out and gave a sweet peck on Marinette’s cheek. She only scoffed and refused to let Chat distract her. “Heh- you get mad so easily, Marinette,”

His smirk suddenly darkened and his voice dropped down an octave.

“But then again Princess,”

Marinette froze on one of the questions, eyebrows furrowed at the boy’s sudden husky tone.

“You do have a short temper~”

Incredulous blue orbs met laughing green orbs. Time stood still for a good five second as the duo were unable to look away. 

Chat was the first to be defeated, leaping away, cackling and even tripping over the chaise. He gave up on trying to stand up and stayed on the chaise till his laughter died and his sides hurt.

Finally, Chat registered the silence in the room, promptly sitting up in confusion. His companion was still in the same position however, her head was bowed down and her fingers dug into the arms of the chair.

“Marinette?” Chat channeled a bit of his civilian counterpart, softening his voice slightly whilst ducking his head lower to see her face. “Shit…did I go too far?” 

He scrambled back to his feet and darted towards Marinette, hands ready to cup her cheeks and apologise a thousand times, only to be surprised with a-

“MmMpH!!?” 

Marinette pushed her lips against Chat’s harder, her slim but strong fingers dug into his scalp in a way that always made the latter melt. She tilted her lips, just the way he liked it, evident with the exhale Chat let out and how his body instantly relaxed.

Lulling him into her trap.

Dropping his guard was a huge mistake and the model found himself pinned against the floor, both wrists bounded by her hands and his bottom lip getting pricked by her teeth. 

His face reddened from the tips of his human ears to the base of his neck and his eyes scrunched close in order to keep up with the heated kiss. It took him everything to bottle up the groans that was eager to escape his throat- Chat’s pride couldn’t afford to be shattered for the umpteenth time again.

With a final tug on his lip, Marinette pulled away slowly. Her eyes sparkled deviously at the sight of Chat’s lack of composure below her. His tanned skin took on a raspberry glow, his lips were plump and a stark red, indicating how thoroughly kissed he was and his heart was hammering against his chest. The Asian’s chest swelled with pride. 

She did this. She got one of the most hottest, European teen absolutely dishevelled in one single kiss. She’s unravelled Paris’ most flirtatious and dangerous hero into a mess. 

“Told you I’d kick you down a size or two,” Marinette purred out, her words dripping with pure Ladybug power.

“E-Erm…”

“What was that~?”

“B-Buh…erm…”

It was Marinette’s turn to snicker whilst Chat covered his face in embarrassment, refusing to believe how he’s flustered to the point where he’s unable to speak! He cried out a little ‘Nooooooo’, turning his face away everytime Marinette tried to peel his hands off his face.

“Oh come on Chaton, it’s not your fault that you thought you’re so clever and hilarious with all these jokes,” Chat uncovered one of his eyes to glare at Marinette. “After all, you’re so tall that you just couldn’t have seen anyone else at all!”

With an irritated groan, Chat gently pushed Marinette off him and jumped back to his feet, folding his arms with a scowl. He refused to talk to her. Nope. Not even acknowledge her existence. Not with the way she was giggling behind him. The one time he’s finally got a one-up on the girl, the table turns on him!

“Minou~ does the cat still have your tongue?”

Chat spun back to face Marinette, annoyance written all over his face and his pout only dug deeper that no one could possibly think this boy could ever hurt a fly. 

“You can’t say that! I’m the cat here not you-” He was interrupted again with a kiss. This time, it was softer and sweeter, enough to make his knees wobble till Marinette pulled away too quick for his taste. Twirling a strand of his hair with her finger, Marinette tugged him forward so that her lips could meet his ear and whisper.

“No matter how tall I am, you will always be beneath me~”

She pushed him away, letting him collapse back on the floor in a blushy pile of goo and sat back down on her chair. Chat’s mutterings and whimpers were music to her ear, concocting a devilish smirk on her face.

“Grrr…I’ll get you back…just you wait shorty…”

“Does the cat require another kiss?”

“DON’T TOUCH ME YOU HEATHEN!”

“Hahah! No amount of anime prepared you for an itty bitty kiss from an itty bitty lady, did it?” 

“Stooooooop!”

~(x)~

Hope you enjoy!

[claire-starsword]

Thoughts on a Sonic Movie sequel

I don’t have my thoughts fully organized yet but I’ve been vibrating about this movie for over 24 hours by now so I’m just ramble here

(note: I know Mobius and mobian are not words anymore and Sonic’s world in the movie is nothing like cartoon/comics’ but I use them because it sucks not having a name for things. I didn’t want to do it to avoid confusion but it is what it is, take it up with Sega for refusing to name things)

Metal Sonic must absolutely be in the sequel, and I’m not even a big fan of the guy, it’s just obvious. Robotnik’s entire shtick in the movie was wanting Sonic’s power to power his machines. He keeps the quill by the end of movie and clearly plans to use it. Also, no better way to spice up a sequel than a brand new enemy, and in recent years Sega has been very keen of establishing Metal Sonic as THE Eggman Robot. So yeah, make it happen. No better way to finalize Eggman’s origin story here.

Speaking of that, a lot of people (including me) disliked that Robotnik’s machines in the movie completely lack the whimsical designs they have in the game, but at the same time I understand that this is a version of the character that actually works for a government and is therefore a little (just a little tho) more down to earth. So now that he’s alone and independent I think his machines’ designs should change and get closer to the game ones.

I wonder if the Mushroom Planet will just become Eggmanland. Normally Eggmanland doesn’t exist because it’s his goal but in a setting with multiple dimensions I feel it would work, he’s not building it by destroying people’s lives.

In fact I loved the they established right from the start that there are several dimension and that the rings are a well known way of travelling through them. It opens up endless possibilities for settings in the future while keeping the focus on Sonic and the other mobian characters because they know all these dimensions already and might even live on them. 

Now, Tails. I am so hyped for a completely new take on this boy. I spent the entire movie thinking how Movie Sonic would be thrilled to meet Tails as a friend. It’s going to be great, but certainly very different from their dynamic in the games. Mostly because Movie Sonic is way more childish than his game’s counterpart and Tails in the teaser already looked like a confident and determined hero (and even kind of fast too), so I don’t think they’ll have a idol/fan relationship like in the games, I doubt there will even be a significant age gap mentioned. Which sure, big departure from canon, but I loved their take on Sonic so I think it can be good. Also honestly, to this day I don’t but Tails’ canon age. Younger than Sonic? Sure. Half his age? Weird, especially given that he’s never, ever treated any different from Amy and the other teens. So if the movie decides he’s a teen it won’t be any kind of big deal.

I guess he might still come to idolize Sonic for some reason? He might have come for Sonic because Mobius is in danger and he knows of Sonic’s power somehow (Longclaw is alive and told him? The threat is Robotnik and he let slip that someone defeated him once? Are they gonna bring the Angel Island prophecy mural? Honestly there’s a bunch of options since we don’t even know why Sonic has the powers first of all). So in that case he might have built up some idea of Sonic as a savior, so it will be interesting to see how they clash with what the guy actually is (though obviously Tails’ gonna come to like him anyway).

And Sonic might want to live up to his expectations? I mean, Sonic’s a cool kid that loves to impress. The entire movie there were only adults around rolling their eyes at him, so if he gets a younger brother that is already all over him? Man he’s gonna love him. He’s gonna really get into it. He’ll definitely bite more than he can chew and get in mortal peril and learn a lesson about not being so arrogant, while Tails learns that he has to pull his own weight as the sidekick if he wants a hero’s tale to unfold. There, it’s a perfectly good kid movie script, Paramount Pictures can start giving me money any time now.

The Longclaw theory only makes it better because what if she raised him too? What if he grew up all his life hearing tales of a brother he never knew? What if he looks so confident from the get go because he’s already inspired by a hero he might be destined to meet? What if his powers/mutant tails have the same origin as Sonic’s power so he has this idea that Sonic will understand him more than anybody else?

See my main point here is that is hard to pull Tails’ canonical backstory of “I was a lonely bullied boy and then I befriended Sonic” when the first movie already did a good lonely kid story, so I’m trying to imagine some twist to it. Sonic was a kid with a big heart who quickly got attached to humans and movies and pop culture and simply enjoying life. So I’m wondering if Tails would be different, if he’s a kid with a mission as shown in the teaser and not very into the silly antics Sonic gets himself into. If he’ll just try to get Sonic into some big hero job without any idea of how Sonic feels, or why he is attached to Earth, or why he is a hero. A universe where what Tails has to get from Sonic is not an adventurous spirit or confidence, but compassion and fun. Like, if this ends up with long travels and Sonic showing Tails the wonders of Earth and the like it will be extremely cliche and yet I’ll love every second of it get on it already Paramount.

It would also draw some parallels between Tails and Robotnik, and I always love when that happens. I’m not trying to picture Tails as a Mini Robotnik here, I can’t imagine the dude having any kind of evil goals, but he is the kind to get caught up in his genius sometimes and can be kind of arrogant too, so I’d like to see that. Jim Carrey has talked a lot in interviews of how he sees Robotnik as someone with a Sonic shaped hole in his heart. I’d like to watch someone get said hole filled. Joy and fun aren’t exactly inherent to kids, if Tails comes from some sort of harsh situation/crisis he might’ve not had the time to care about these things. Give Tails a friend. Give Tails his friend. 

I had other things to say in this post I think but I’m too overcome with love for those two to function right now. I almost teared up just from seeing Tails in the screen. You’ve put them both in the screen already Paramount. Now do both in the same scene. Please. That’s all I want

[jesse-mills]

Convenience Store AU

Quick summary: Jesse dies on the beach and wakes up in a convenience store back near Crestwood. A dimension in which Jesse has sick new tattoos, the OA looks like an actual goddamn angel, French is a nerd ass loser who's been pining for Jesse for like 2 years, and everyone gets to be happy.

[[MORE]]

(apologies for awful formatting, this was so fucking long that I got tired of trying to make it read perfectly.)

ok so after Jesse dies it's just. dark for a long ass time right? but he wakes up to blinding light and it takes a moment for his eyes to focus. his first thought is "is heaven a 7/11?" and his second thought is "OH SHIT OA?!?!?" She found him passed out in the middle of the store aisle when she came in from the back room and after a very confused minute of conversation they realize that oh shit, it's the real OG them from the Crestwood dimension. so OA basically hires Jesse on the spot and Jesse has to help her get Hap (the manager, he's suppressed in this body but still a jackass of monumental proportions) kicked out and sent somewhere else. They do succeed after a few weeks (aka they get everyone to file complaints about him until he's relocated to somewhere out of state).

Jesse, however, has a Hell Of A Lot of new things to adjust to, the first of which being that What The Fuck, he looked in the mirror and he has fucking moving tattoos that Definitely weren't there before!! Turns out this dimension has such a thin membrane between it and the invisible river of the Between, weird ass shit tends to happen around people who have travelled through worlds. Jesse soon finds out that he isn't the only one with weird shit happening to him: the angels from the lab, especially OA, have some definite traditional angelic characteristics. OA has a ton of extra eyes on her face and neck and like. everywhere so she tends to wear gauzy scarves around her neck and ling sleeves everywhere. nothing can really be done about the ones on her face but she doesn't really show her face anywhere anyways so it's not that big a deal for her. Homer works at a patisserie in town and has extra eyes on his arms and back, as well as extra mouths on his hands (he wears gloves during work, don't ask). Rachel works there with him (and yes they're all in a thruple because. Oachel rights yo) and has extra vocal chords as well so her singing sounds absolutely ethereal. (She convinced Homer to hire Buck and Angie to work with him there after the OA told them about them.) Scott doesn't have too many extra weird eyes but his hair grows flowers and though he acts pissy about it he secretly really likes them. He works as the town's electrician and Steve apprentices under him. Renata tours around and always brings them back gifts from places she visits, and has both extra eyes on her arms that become part of her signature style (she claims it's prosthetics for the press) and a second mouth beneath her collarbone hidden under scarves so she can harmonize with herself.

BBA already works at the school and so knows them all already, and she shops at the convenience store for snacks at night during Jesse's shift and so is already close to him. She slowly puts the puzzle together herself, but in a very peaceful, calm manner; basically, she notices that he's acting different but doesn't throw a fuss about it ("I think Jesse's a different Jesse now. Hm. I'll ask if he still likes shortbread next time I go."). Lucky for Jesse, BBA and the angels all kind of adopt him.

Why do they keep working at the store after Hap leaves? a) it pays bills and like. they need to eat. and b) it's something to do, it's a normal part of a normal life that lets them spend time with each other and feel like they can finally live happy lives. Plus, Jesse and OA both desperately want to contact their home dimension and tell the others that they're okay, so the store provides a good space to do that.

and then French walks in the door one night because Olive Garden fired him and he needs to support his brothers and mom, and Jesse's world suddenly becomes a Hell of a lot more convoluted. French is confused when the pretty boy from school he was always too nervous to talk to looks up from the front counter and chokes on his drink; he's even more confused when Jesse stays bright red through their entire awkward conversation of "I need a job, are you hiring?" "UH. we are now. let me go grab the paperwork" (read: gay hyperventilating behind the backroom door for the minutes before grabbing the papers.) French is very concerned when as soon as he signs his name the paper just. crumbles to ash without any warning but Jesse just sweeps it into the bin and says "yeah you're hired, UHHH what hours???? work for you????? actually just come in when it does work and we'll get you started okay goodbye!!!" Of course night shift works best for French so Jesse has a mini conniption when French walks in the next night an hour after Jesse gets there and asks if he can start working Now.

French is a fucking NERD ASS LOSER in this dimension. so he's very confused when after a week of training almost nightly (hey, he needs to provide, yo) Steve, his old bully, walks in and greets him very nicely and apologizes for anything he did in high school (he does not notice Jesse glaring at Steve. he is also not aware of Jesse calling Steve the first night he came in and incoherently rambling for twenty minutes straight before yelling "I'M GAY" and hanging up. Steve was confused because didn't Jesse come out in like 10th grade to him??? he didn't bully French for being gay he bullied him for being a nerd ass loser).

French also begins to notice that things are fucking weird in this convenience store, and by that I mean he walks in one night and Jesse is calmly reading a comic book while one of the freezers is literally emitting fucking fire. ("Jesse. Tell me you fucking realize that THE FREEZER IS ON FIRE." "Yeah, OA said to just leave it. Scott's gonna fix it later" "But. But it's on FIRE." "Yeah lol apparently she's been workin on portals without dying and opened a hell dimenson? haha wack right. Just keep the door closed and it'll be fine.") He ends up calling Steve (who is being almost suspiciously friendly now under threat of bodily harm, and who is genuinely trying to be a better person) to ask if this is normal after Jesse tells very seriously after setting up "wet floor signs" that he should stay away from the soda fountain, OA accidentally fucked with it and it's biting people. (French, talking to Steve over the phone: "Yeah dude and then it just fucking crumbled to ash and he said I was hired. Like what the fuck. What the fuck." "Oh yeah lol apparently her husband's shop does the same thing. Btw tell Jesse to stop hoarding snakes in the cupboards behind the desk bc I'm the one Scott sends to fix that shit." "...........SNAKES?!"

Jesse has a weird thing with snakes in this dimension since he 1) found a weird tattoo of a snake with wings that just roams around his body as it pleases and acts like a pet (yes he named it Ramen Noodle. no he does not have shame.) and 2) realized that he can basically charm snakes just by talking to them. Friend shaped noodles. French walks in one night to find Steve trying to convince Jesse to "take them out of the cupboards" and after French cautiously asks what's in the cupboards Jesse just opens it to reveal like 30 snakes that he rescued from the cold (French yells and almost falls on his ass. Steve just sighs as Jesse picks up a ton of them and lets them curl up around his arms). OA does bi-monthly snake banishing (read: making Jesse go to different animal shelters to give the snakes away during winter or releasing them into the wild in warmer weather). (For his birthday about three months in she and Homer and Rachel find him an albino boa constrictor and Jesse genuinely looks like he's about to pass out from joy. He names it Theo, and for some reason, BBA tears up when he tells her and gingerly pets the snake.)

And the thing is, French is such a skeptic that he just can't bring himself to take Jesse seriously when one night about a month in he locks the glass doors and sits down to tell French very seriously that he's not the original Jesse from this dimension. Jesse realizes that French won't very easily be convinced, so he just does his best to flippantly include it in conversation in the hopes that it will slowly convince him. Even after French notices the moving tattoos (he was staring at Jesse's stomach when he stretched one night and almost yelled when a weird, almost tentacle looking tattoo idly moved across his skin) he can't bring himself to believe it, even when he realizes Jesse's eyes are a odd, almost shifting blue as opposed to the warm brown he searched for in the halls every day of senior year, even when there's fire and weird portals and a manager who has even more eyes than her husband (Homer comes in often with baked goods for Jesse and French. the first time French saw what he thought was a prosthetic eye on the back of Homer's hand wink at him, he almost passed out.). What finally convinces him is when Hap comes back.

Hap' s consciousness somehow came through after almost four months of wondering what was wrong with his old job, and when he comes back, French is in the store early just as Jesse is getting there and Homer is about to pick up OA when Hap comes in and points a gun at him. He's yelling what French thinks is nonsense, about a rose window and Prairie and how she lied to him, but he knows better now, he knows, and French is dead sure he's going to die when OA starts yelling back that he's wouldn't dare harm him or any of her friends. He can see in the reflection of the mirror above the front desk that Hap looks deranged, and it's enough to convince him of two things: one, Hap is about to kill him, and two, Jesse was telling the truth all along. He's about to do something desperate, kick Hap or try to grab the gun, something, when there's movement in the mirror and he spots something heavy swinging towards them. He ducks just as Homer creeps up behind them and brains Hap with a piece of scrap metal. The cops are called and everything is mostly sorted out-- Hap, of course, is going to jail-- but French is still shellshocked from realizing that it's all real, that Jesse died and came back in this dimension and that there are angels that act more like his parents than his mother ever has. It's a shock to him, but he gradually adjusts, and Jesse begins slowly filling him in on their old life in the original Crestwood, how they came together when a once-blind victim of a kidnapping came back with vision and stories, how he died on a beach on the way to San Francisco after overdosing on an old man's pain medication. Eventually, he gets the go-ahead from OA to tell the others and fill them in on exactly what happened. They reunite as they're supposed to and eventually become just as tightly knit as they had been. The Steve from Crestwood eventually joins them and while it takes him some time to adjust, he's so thrilled to have Jesse back and that everything is okay here that he's content.

[thewadapan]

I rewrote the most infamous Transformers comic of all time.

I wanna give fair warning here. See, when I started working on this comic, I wasn’t really expecting it to turn out quite as dark as it did, and I suspect neither are you. After all, this is The Beast Within, right? The story where Grimlock goes crazy and talks in Comic Sans? How bad can things get? It turns out that - with just a few decisions made in poor taste - the answer is “very”, to the point where I feel the need to stick some kinda content warning at the top of this post. Unfortunately, I also feel like I’ve got a responsibility to the story, and there’s no way for me to do so without ruining it, so this is the best you’re gonna get.

This isn’t the first time I’ve made a comic like this. All the way back in 2016, I made “its christmas... so what??”, a kinda-bad re-lettering of a four-page ‘80s Marvel comic called “The Night the Transformers Saved Christmas”. I wasn’t too happy with the result, so half a year later I tried again - producing “PASS”, a re-lettered version of an obscure six-page UK-exclusive Marvel comic originally titled “Peace”.

“The Beast Within (My Pants)” is quite a different, uh, beast.

Each of the three comics I’ve produced was intended to be the last of its kind - standalone, yet fitting into the same overarching continuity. You can read any one of them alone, or you can read all of them in the order I made them. They’re individually available as albums on Imgur at the following links:

“its christmas... so what??”

“PASS”

“The Beast Within (My Pants)”

Alternatively, you can download the whole set as .cbz files - renamed .zip archives of images which you can open with a standard comic book reader.

It’s not too late to turn back.

Still with me? All caught up? Good. You’re probably wondering what the hell I was thinking...

I. I Have Summoned You Here For A Reason

Our story begins all the way back in 2004. The UK company Metrodome, looking to spice up their DVD box-set releases of the original ‘80s The Transformers cartoon, hired some local talent in the form of Mr. Jamieson (owner of a then-notable fansite) to write up some bonus features. They also commissioned him to write a mini-comic to be packed in with the set - with art by Mr. Gibson, a self-proclaimed fan since childhood with seemingly no other ties to the franchise.

The comic wound up being published in two parts (the second being subtitled “Consequences”) across the “Season 2 Part 2″ and “Seasons 3 and 4″ box sets. As a kid, I actually owned the latter of those box sets, and would watch it almost religiously - to what I can only assume must’ve been great annoyance from my poor parents - but I have no memory of it including a comic of any kind. Maybe it did, but it got separated at some point, and is lying around in some forgotten folder. A damn shame, that is. No, seriously.

I’m sure some record of the fan response at the time exists out there, in the doldrums of one of the many hard-to-search often-defunct forums which existed back then. I can’t really be bothered looking for it, sorry. You’ll have to content yourself with this TFWiki talk page for “The Beast Within” from mid-2007, which speaks of “Consequences” in hushed tones - as though it is a fabled artifact, prophesied to bring about Armageddon.

Another record - this one from 2009 - comes in the form of an eight-page TFW2005 thread ominously titled “Anyone afraid of the Dinobot combiner?” If you’re reading this commentary, you’re already strapped in for the long run; I recommend reading the thread in full. Well, okay, I don’t: it made me wince throughout, and I’ll be explaining the salient bits here, so there’s really no point subjecting yourself to it.

User “Razorrider”, after reading the TFWiki article on the Beast, opened the thread, noting “I don’t feel afraid of him myself.” The reactions soon started to pour in - some agreeing that the design was in fact “awesome”, others describing it as “hideous”.

Just going off my own personal opinion here, I think it’s fair to say that effectively nobody on the first page of the thread had any idea what they were talking about - and the pages that follow fared little better.

I think the main issue stemmed from the fact that a lot of those users didn’t think to explain the metrics by which they judged a “good” design (or, indeed, a “bad” story). When one person says “I think Optimus Prime has a good design”, they might just mean “I think he looks cool”, or they might mean “I think his proportions and colours give him a heroic stature which reflects his personality”. In that sense, a “good design” is one that communicates aspects of a character visually, even if it’s ugly. The Beast is hideous, yes, misshapen, yes, and it looks like the result of a teleportation accident, fine - but those are all intentional design decisions that perfectly reflect the nature of the character. In the foreword to the first part, Mr. Gibson notes the following (you’ll have to imagine that it’s written in Comic Sans for yourself):

Creating ‘The Beast’ was probably the most interesting aspect of the project. I wanted him to be a grotesque, twisted character that contained the design elements of the Dinobots he is created from.

People proclaim that the Beast “should never have existed” - a line from the comic’s narration, note - but somehow fail to realise that this is the comic’s own intent.

(Compare the Beast’s design to that posted by one user on the second page of the thread, which - minus an admittedly-inspired Triceratops-fist - just looks like an upscaled version of Grimlock.)

Okay, the alarm bells should be ringing in your head now. This is all starting to sound disturbingly like I’m some sort of The Beast Within apologist, isn’t it? How slippery is the slope that leads from “the Beast is a good design” to “The Beast Within is a good comic?” Have the hours spent poring over this thing in MS Paint turned my brain to mush, capable of only vague all-caps-Comic-Sans-penned ponderings?

...Well, yes, but- look, just stick with me!

The most accurate recurring statement in the thread - though perhaps not in the way it is intended - is that The Beast Within reads like a work of “fanfiction”. See, Transformers is a franchise with an ever-growing history, and many of those who work on it now have been lifelong fans themselves. This is true of many franchises which have stumbled into the new millennium, finding themselves seemingly unable to die. We live in an age of fanfiction - yet some fanfictions are fanfiction-ier than others.

When compared to the likes of Star Wars and Star Trek and Marvel’s comics, one sees a marked difference in Transformers. Throughout the ‘80s and ‘90s, every story Hasbro put out seemed to fit vaguely into a single guiding narrative - each distinct strand of their multimedia barrage falling into contradiction with one another, yet still seeking to adapt some underlying premise. The 2001 series Robots in Disguise - in the West at least - saw a complete departure from that narrative. The ramifications of that strange borderline-afterthought cartoon cannot be understated, yet in retrospect feel like they’ve been a part of the franchise for as long as anyone can remember.

Almost every year since, Hasbro has effectively wiped the slate clean. Each new series tries to be its own thing. Continuity between series - if it exists - is understated, ignored, or overwritten. To date, this is still something that confuses us geeks; so used are we to the mired pits that are the canons of Star Wars and its ilk. This can be frustrating - there are only so many times one can retread the same story - but so too has this rare cycle allowed authors to really explore the concepts and themes presented by the premise of “car robots” to a level of depth which I believe is simply unattainable in franchises which adhere stringently to a single narrative.

That’s the bright side.

In practise, many Transformers stories have become increasingly myopic - existing only in service of themselves, or (more often) in service of older (better?) stories. The single most influential of these stories is almost certainly 1986′s The Transformers: The Movie, and it’s that influence which is felt most strongly in The Beast Within.

Of the countless insights offered by Terry van Feleday - if you don’t know who that is, don’t worry, I’ll explain later - I find that this one rings most true:

When Optimus Prime du jour mouths off “One shall stand, one shall fall” for the twentieth time, there is simply no longer that understanding that he will not be the one who stands.

Where so many modern Transformers stories are misguided recreations of the animated movie, The Beast Within is a reaction to it. But we’ll get to that. First, let’s talk a little about the story’s artwork.

Mr. Gibson himself, I believe, deserves almost none of the criticism he’s received over the years for his work on this comic. Though his layouts are occasionally cluttered, and he does seem to have been trying a little too hard to emulate the style of Pat Lee (the man behind Dreamwave Productions; license holder for Transformers comics at the time) in the first part, his panels have a strong sense of energy and tone.

Though he didn’t exactly get to explore a broad range of emotions over the course of the comic, he managed to keep the characters expressive - always a challenge, when dealing with visors and mouthplates - and, crucially for a cast of this size, on-model. Look at the fury on Razorclaw’s face! The way Prime’s fist flies out of the panel! Menasor, torn in two! Predaking’s sundered legs! The mishmash of heads inside the Beast! The sickly colours of the second half! While it lacks the practised ease seen from some fans-turned-creators on more recent books, it’s still impressive work.

Regardless, Mr. Gibson’s first outing with Transformers proved to be his last. He didn’t end up getting paid work from Dreamwave Productions as he’d perhaps hoped (though in retrospect, neither did most of the people who illustrated for that company, so that was probably for the best). There’s no mention of The Beast Within on his personal website, which bills him as a “children’s picture book illustrator”, amongst other things. To put it simply, the guy’s always been a talented illustrator, and his style’s come a long way since this comic - the portfolio work on his website is very impressive.

(On a whim, I went back to late 2004 on the internet archive, and did in fact find the comic’s first spread buried at the back end of his portfolio. The entire website is a product of the early-2000s - there’s a link labelled “Go to Flash site” in the sidebar, though the page it takes you to sadly seems to have been lost to time. It all seems like it was borne of another age entirely.)

Anyway, let’s get back to that TFW2005 thread. The thing that makes it particularly notable is that, on the fourth page, Mr. Jamieson himself wades in to try and set the record straight. It goes about as well as you’d expect.

For a lot of people, I think, the idea of interacting with an author might seem strange. They’re aware of J.K. Rowling’s online antics, and are becoming increasingly comfortable with celebrity interactions on Twitter, sure. But there’s a difference between those kinds of interactions and the kind that take place on forums or in chatrooms - places where everyone’s on a level playing field. I come from those corners of the internet, and am lucky enough to have had conversations with lots of people who’ve made things I like, and have seen almost the full range of approaches those people take when dealing with their audiences. It’s safe to say that Mr. Jamieson’s approach in that decade-old thread is just about the worse one there is: over the course of just five posts, he smugly lashed out at the people in the thread, whipping them into a fervour that lasted for three more pages after his departure.

Regardless of whether or not Mr. Jamieson was correct - in the attacks he levelled at the other users, in the defence he offered for his work - there can be no question that this kind of behaviour is grossly inappropriate.

(Whether it is more or less appropriate than digging up old threads and archived web pages in an attempt to justify a bastardisation of a much-maligned comic book remains to be seen, I suppose.)

The key point that Mr. Jamieson kept returning to is that he sought to avoid the dreaded “info dump” (a hallmark of early Transformers stories), and didn’t want his readers to be “spoon fed”. A recurring criticism of the story is that it seems to begin halfway through, with little explanation for what’s going on - but I, like Mr. Jamieson, don’t think that complaint holds water. The Beast Within begins “in medias res” because we already have the context: eighty issues of a comic, ninety-eight episodes of a cartoon, and - crucially - a movie. Everyone knows the story of the Transformers, because the story of the Transformers - ironically enough - never really changes. “Is it ever really over, Jetfire?”

(That’s the last line of the original version of The Beast Within, by the way. I had to add the comma in myself.)

Like the impact of Robots in Disguise, the impact of The Transformers: The Movie is kinda hard to see unless you were there at the time - and I wasn’t - but in 1986, it did something which was profoundly shocking to thousands of children: it introduced them to death.

That’s about all I’m going to say about the movie itself, because much more experienced critics than me have already mined it for every ounce of subtext. I’ve already quoted the work of Terry van Feleday, who did some excellent scene-by-scene analysis of the film in a thread all the way back in 2010 - and I’ll come back to her writings a few times in this post. This very year, sorta-famous YouTuber hbomberguy released his own long-form take on the movie - what I find interesting when comparing the two interpretations is that van Feleday struggles to find much merit in the movie outside of its opening, while hbomberguy employs a reading that allows him to be much more optimistic and charitable even towards the end of the movie.

In a way, I think Mr. Jamieson had an intuitive subconscious understanding of the subtext which both of those critics later brought to light, an understanding which directly informed the premise of The Beast Within. In the same way one can read the monster planet Unicron as a physical manifestation of death, so too can one view the Beast - and Mr. Jamieson (almost certainly unconsciously) posits that, although death does not belong in a children’s cartoon, it is an inevitability that all children must eventually face. It is the dark spectre that lurks beneath the surface of every childish thing made by an adult.

An author places some of themselves in a book - but the reader withdraws something of their own perception as well. I wondered what I might see in the book: a child believes a lie because they know no better; a grown adult sees the lie because it fails to line up with experience. In this way, a child’s story could be so many different experiences. With enough subtext, a thing made for a child becomes an entirely different world to an adult. [...] There’s no telling when subtext will defeat the facade of a thing.

(I’ll tell you what that quote’s from later.)

I wonder, perhaps, if the endless swathes of edgy reimaginings of children’s stories are something of a mass outcry from those who grew up being told - every Saturday morning - that when people got blown apart, they’d be put back together by the next week’s end. What was it like for those children, in December of ‘86, to learn that some people could never be rebuilt?

II. It Pleases Me To Be The First

It occurs to me that I never did really do a commentary on “its christmas... so what??”, although I did talk about it a little in the commentary for “PASS”. Its title is a reference to the famous (well, you know what I mean) cover of “Stargazing” (issue #145 of the original UK run), which featured a banner reading “IT’S CHRISTMAS!” over an image of Starscream, arms out, yelling “SO WHAT?”

(Side note: at first I thought that I hadn’t read that particular story, but it occurs to me that as a kid I used to borrow a lot of Titan Books’ reprints from my local library - and I do in fact have distinct memories of reading Transformers: Second Generation, which did collect “Stargazing” amongst other Christmas stories - so I guess I probably did read it, even if I don’t remember doing so.)

The Women’s Day comic is something of a curio, as explained in this excellent article (which reprints the comic - with its original text - in full). It’s basically the only US strip which was published outside of the eighty issues of the run proper. This rare, standalone nature is something I have sought across every re-lettering I’ve done - from the UK annual-exclusive not-by-the-usual-author set-in-the-future “Peace” to the UK DVD-box-set-exclusive set-in-an-ambiguous-cartoon-inspired-continuity The Beast Within. These works feel like they’ve been lost to time - and corrupting them feels like unearthing buried treasure (and smearing it in turds). But I’ll get to that.

Back to “its christmas”. As I explained last time, I just went through the comic panel-by-panel and changed stuff to whatever I thought would be funny. I didn’t edit the two-line introductory blurb (which ended up informing the backstory detailed in the new set of AtoZ profiles). I barely paid attention to established portrayals of the characters beyond Soundwave’s association with music. I had no large-scale plans.

There’s a lazy (and poorly-conceived) gag where the little girl calls Bumblebee “gay” (also note that at the time, I misinterpreted the art in the third panel of the third page - I thought it was the girl speaking, when in fact it was her mother - leading to some erroneous dialogue), which in retrospect feels like a less-drawn-out version of the excruciating opening scene from Freddery McMahon’s Combiner Wars abridged special. That spoof somehow manages to be less funny than its source material, and I sometimes think that the same holds for my own creations.

Still, that’s not to say that “its christmas” doesn’t do anything that I like. I’ll admit that lines like “lol without mustard christmas will be CANCEL suck it nerds”, “toot toot here come some flutes”, and “help me drag it to the hospital” still kinda make me laugh. I like the way Bumblebee drowns out the little girl’s insults by tooting loudly at her. The final panels - wherein the humans steal Bumblebee’s blood as the other Transformers watch impassively - have an offbeat intensity to them, and when it came to writing Bumblebee’s AtoZ profile it was those which I chose to call back to.

If I had to sum up “its christmas” in a single word, I’d pick “childish”. The jokes, the characters themselves, the entire concept behind the comic - all feel kinda immature, and that was kinda by design. Summer Meme Sundae was a terrible piece of work, but - if I had to ascribe a theme to it - that theme would be growing up; realising that you’re running out of summer holidays. “PASS” and “The Beast Within (My Pants)” kept that atmosphere, but became increasingly cynical and obscene. That was just the natural direction they had to go in.

III. Every Place Reminds You Of Some Place Else

I’ve long had an idle fascination with abridged series, and have toyed with the thought of making an abridged series of my own. Most notably, I’ve long fancied the idea of abridging Machinima’s Prime Wars Trilogy of Transformers cartoons. Here’s an extract from a message I posted in Allspark Chat (the Discord server associated with the Allspark Forums):

I'd probably try and keep Megatron mostly the same as he is in the show as it is. Optimus'd be kinda murderous - you can tell he can't wait for Rodimus and the rest of the Council to kick the bucket so he can retake unilateral control over Cybertron. I'd maybe try to go for something of a more sympathetic Starscream - he wouldn't actually have any plan, he just has Cybertron's interests at heart and ends up trying to use the Enigma solely to rid the world of Megatron and Optimus forever. Windblade'd maybe be trying to force some hero's journey stuff - picking fights with progressively bigger opponents in a misguided attempt to prove her narrative worth

As pitches go, it’s not much. It doesn’t help that, as I previously mentioned, Freddery McMahon himself - pretty much the only name in Transformers abridging - has already tackled the series; his style of parody isn’t really to my taste, but his production value is fairly impressive and would largely overshadow any improvements I made on a script level. I feel like the Prime Wars Trilogy has potential, because it’s a fascinating piece of media, but I find myself unable to answer the question of how to parody something that already feels so much like self-parody. Sound familiar?

By the time the last entry in that series - Power of the Primes - was wrapping up, I'd been posting semi-frequently in the Allspark’s threads with a borderline-apologetic tone. Takes included:

The emptiness of Cybertron lends it a Beast Machines-esque tone

The Mistress of Flame’s death is cathartic

You can see right through the script

I want to get off Machinima’s wild ride

Wow, Windblade sure screams a lot, doesn’t she

The finale of Titans Return is good, actually

Hearing Megatron say “piss me off” is an unpleasant surprise

Hey, this soundtrack’s pretty good

Wait, no it’s not, but Galvatron’s implied reversion to Megatron is

Narrative emergence gives rise to Buddhist allegories in TFTM

Grimlock acts like his cartoon self - but only around friends

Okay, for realsies, the soundtrack’s good now

They’re right to kill Sludge; he’s the least toyetic Dinobot

I’d probably describe a lot of what I saw in the Prime Wars Trilogy as a kind of narrative pareidolia - only instead of seeing faces in inanimate objects, I was seeing value and meaning in an indefensible web series.

The problem with abridged series is that they require a ridiculous amount of effort. You need to be a good writer in the traditional sense, but you need to be able to work around the visual material available - you’re gonna have to edit everything yourself, you’re probably gonna need to do custom animation, and you’re certainly gonna need to wrangle a cast of voice actors. All of that for ten minutes of animation that’s probably gonna get taken off YouTube within ten minutes of upload. It’s just not feasible - and yet there’s part of me that loves the idea: commentary and content, all rolled into one.

To pretend that it was Combiner Wars that led me to create “The Beast Within (My Pants)” is a little misleading, however. The real answer - I’m sorry to say - has more to do with ponies.

See, every now and again I get very acute nostalgia for My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, which was perhaps my first brush with fandom - or at least, proper fandom. It’s heard to measure these things, y’know? Anyway, when that happens, I realise that I don’t really want to sit and watch a cartoon for little girls, so I usually just listen to some fan-made music or - as was the case last time - rewatch one of the abridged series based on the show. I use the word “series” here in plural because there were in fact two (well, two that matter): Friendship is Witchcraft and The Mentally Advanced Series. There’s long been quiet debate over which of the two is the (soundwave) superior series, and I’ve historically believed that they’re (buy some) apples and oranges. The latter is a more thoughtful parody of the source material, while the former is more polished and standalone.

However, after blitzing through Friendship is Witchcraft once more in its entirety over the course of a couple of days, something about it clicked for me - a bigger-picture thesis - and I realised that it had much more to say about its source material than I (or, well, most people) had given it credit for. It was at that moment that I felt the awful urge to create a My Little Pony fanwork of my own.

(The quote I used earlier, about subtext in children’s stories, was spoken by Princess Celestia in Rainbow Dash Presents: The Star in Yellow, a Mentally Advanced Series special inspired by a fanfiction which, fittingly enough, was written by Matt Marshall (AKA Blueshift/blue/Yartek/RockLordsRock), who was also the man behind the infamous “JaAm” relettering which effectively inspired all of these projects of mine. It’s like poetry.)

As we’ve already established, making a fancy-schmancy animation was out of the question - but a crudely-edited-in-MS-Paint comic was the next best thing, clearly. I started glancing through IDW Publishing’s official My Little Pony comics - having purchased a few in a Humble Bundle many years ago - but, aside from a couple of promising stories, quickly realised I didn’t have much hope. The comics are just, to put it frankly, not as good or as interesting as the show, and the fact that I’d need to adapt at least two issues at once (over forty pages) to tell any complete story made doing so an unappetising prospect. Furthermore, IDW’s comics are still very much in print, and (as the abridged series show) any such parody would stand on shaky legal ground.

Seeing as I wasn’t about to delve into the dark realm of prose any time soon, and the idea of messing with some other fan’s work rubbed me the wrong way, I decided to give up on my equine dreams and instead turned back to more familiar territory. I glanced over the list of old Transformers Marvel comics, but nothing like those I’d previously relettered stood out to me. I perused the short stories included in Dreamwave’s 20th Anniversary Transformers Summer Special. I even looked into some Fun Publications stuff. Nothing sparked my interest.

Perhaps my most promising lead was “An Arcee Sort of Day”, a vaguely-maligned (as in, “meh”) three-page standalone comic released mere months ago by IDW as part of an anthology - but the poor resolution of the available scan (the comic had been released in its entirety as part of the free preview for the anthology) meant that editing it would be a nightmare, and there was very little in the way of dialogue for me to mess with besides. More than that, the idea of directly mocking a comic from a compilation designed to showcase female creators (particularly one featuring Arcee, who’s been a controversial character in recent years) struck me as tasteless in the extreme. If only I had an easier target!

Oh wait, I did.

IV. Let The Slaughter Begin

If I actually ever read both parts of The Beast Within before starting work on this project, I don’t remember doing so. I do remember reading the Beast’s TFWiki page when I was much younger, and remember feeling like the wiki’s take on the concept seemed disproportionately harsh. To be honest, it was quite vindicating to read the source material and discover that I still agreed with my younger self’s assessment - the problems with the story are not on a conceptual level, but in the execution.

I barely gave myself time to digest the story before diving in and working out how exactly I could mess it up. I knew from my previous comics that the Autobots would all be unrepentant shitheads, so the natural choice was to portray the Decepticons as favourably as possible. Where the Autobots are callous, poorly-spoken, stupid, and divided, the Decepticons would be caring, articulate, intelligent, and united. In the story’s context, these traits would be weaknesses: remember, only the Beast has the killing instinct needed for decisive victory in this endless children’s story. I also knew that everybody in the story would hate Grimlock, and that - unlike with Roadbuster in “PASS” - they’d be right to do so.

That was pretty much the extent of my planning. I gathered up all the pages and started clearing out the text from the speech bubbles. Already, I had something of a problem: the use of the infamous Comic Sans MS font in the first part of The Beast Within was one of its most iconic features, and I wanted to retain that, but my own previous reletterings had canonically established Times New Roman as the “voice” of the Autobots. In fact, as far as those older comics were concerned, Times New Roman was the voice not just of the whole Cybertronian race, but also of the narrator.

The only lines which used a different font were those where I’d chosen to retain the comic’s original lettering, and with Roadbuster’s dialogue. It’s hard to articulate what exactly the joke with Roadbuster was - he seemed like the odd-one-out in the opening panels of the story, so I ran with that by having him be persistently ostracised by the other Autobots. The twist, as you find out when he finally speaks, is that he seems to be the only Autobot who’s unambiguously a good person; the rest bully him for effectively no reason.

In the commentary for “PASS” I released earlier this year, I explicitly ask:

If these are the Autobots… then what were the Decepticons like?

My own gut feeling was, I think, that they were people like Roadbuster - genuinely good individuals who never wanted a fight - and so for this comic I knew I had to give them Roadbuster’s Arial voice. I also knew that I’d have to keep the Autobots’ Times New Roman voice for the most part. The only question, then, was what to do about Grimlock, the combiners, Jetfire, and the narration.

(It’s worth noting that Soundwave and Triton were both Decepticons too, yet they both spoke in Times New Roman. The Doylist reason for this is simply that, at the time, I was happy to have everyone share a voice. In Triton’s case, the Watsonian reason is that he’s trying to mimic the Autobots’ “accent” to better fit in. If I had to make up a reason for Soundwave, I’d say that he’s only recently defected from the Autobots, as a reference to van Feleday’s insane Soundwave-as-an-ex-prisoner-of-war theory. Had Soundwave had a speaking role in the comic, I’m sure I would’ve explored that backstory in his AtoZ profile - but alas, it wasn’t to be.)

In fact, there was initially some ambiguity over who the comic’s narrator would be - if I used Times New Roman, would I have to keep the voice of the same narrator as in the previous two comics? In the end, I decided to draw from my source material: the on-panel narration would be Grimlock’s inner monologue, rendered in full Comic Sans glory, while the "Interlude” would employ a more omniscient third-person voice. That third-person voice is, I think, distinct from the narrator of the previous comics, and feels like a more solemn version of the narrator of the AtoZ profiles I released alongside the commentary for “PASS” (or, indeed, the latest batch included here). Remember, I wrote the first two comics years before all of this recent material. More on the text-only pages later.

When he speaks out loud, Grimlock uses the regular Times New Roman of the other Autobots. In fact, the only dialogue which uses Comic Sans is that of the Beast, which I view as the true externalisation of Grimlock’s feelings. You can also view it as the “real world” (as depicted in the text-only pages) leaking through into the comic’s reality, in much the same way that an aware-of-death adult perspective seeps through into a seemingly-innocent children’s cartoon. The other combiners simply use a slightly bigger font than the individual Decepticons. Oh, and all of the combiners use red text.

In the original toyline, Jetfire was something of an odd-one-out, as he was really a Macross “VF-1S Super Valkyrie” toy licensed by Hasbro from Bandai (who had in turn purchased the molds from the recently-bankrupted Takatoku toys). Both Whirl and Roadbuster have similar origins. I was under no obligation to do anything special with Jetfire’s dialogue, but because of the way he’s introduced in the comic - and as a nod to his shared real-world history with Roadbuster - it felt right to give him his own voice. Though he still uses Times New Roman, the font is scaled up and he speaks entirely in capital letters. His dialogue was a challenge to write, as most of his speech bubbles are very small, but I think this worked out in my favour: his speech often ended up butting up against the bubbles’ outlines, giving the impression that he’s always speaking just a little bit too loudly.

The lettering in the first part of the original comic - aside from being technically legible - is generally shoddy on every level. For emphasis, it alternately uses italics or inconsistent font size. Occasionally, the dialogue switches to lowercase, which kinda gives the impression that everyone’s been shouting the whole time. Most of the text is left-aligned. Some bits of text seem to have been squashed. Most of the narration boxes are parallelograms, but some are plain rectangles. Red hand-lettered text is mostly limited to the combiners’ speech, but also sees use a couple of times for Megatron and Optimus Prime. Some of the combiners’ speech just uses normal red Comic Sans MS text. Meanwhile, the second part switches entirely to black hand-lettered text - presumably from Mr. Gibson - which is a marked improvement in terms of tone and consistency, if a step down in legibility.

It’s interesting to me that, despite my version of the comic sharing the dearth of commas and full stops which plagues the original, it reads very differently. For all its stylisation, it’s my hope that each line I write for these comics comes across realistically - not in the sense that it’s something you’d hear someone say, but perhaps in the sense that it’s something you’d maybe read on the internet. More on that later - first, some miscellaneous notes on the comic’s text:

When I first wrote it, I used the style of self-censorship from “PASS” (and, by extension, the rest of Summer Meme Sundae) wherein the first letter of any curse is replaced by an asterisk. It was one of my prereaders, Tindalos, who noted that “the censoring kinda takes a bit from it”, and I decided that I agreed with him - it felt like I was holding back. You can decide for yourself; I’ve collected the pages with lines that were revised between drafts in an album.

Through pure coincidence, it’s Springer (well, Bulkhead) who gets the first line of dialogue in the comic - just like in “PASS”. In case it’s not clear, the joke is that he thinks he’s safe on the floor and berates Jazz for not doing the same thing, seconds before getting stomped by Megatron. I think this sequence perfectly encapsulates a big part of what I wanted to show about the Autobots: they all criticise one another relentlessly, despite being deeply flawed themselves. It’s a dynamic that, to me at least, actually evokes that of the Autobots in Michael Bay’s movies.

The line “thats me grimlock in the corner losing my religion” is, of course, a reference to R.E.M.’s song “Losing My Religion”, which was itself included as part of writer James Roberts’ “soundtrack” for More Than Meets The Eye. Though he did not appear in the issue for which Roberts selected the song, Grimlock was a recurring character in that series. Hopefully my depiction of the character surpasses that one - though if you ask the people I usually talk to, I wouldn’t be setting the bar particularly high with that comparison.

Optimus uses the insult “grimdick” shortly after Grimlock’s narration provides the example “grimcock”. I intended this to show that, while the dynamic between the two’s been cemented for a good while, Grimlock is always a step behind and still can’t predict Prime’s actions.

Snarl’s line was originally “hey speak for yourself swoop me and grimlock are tight as *hit”, which expresses effectively the opposite sentiment to his final line. The idea that Snarl was okay with becoming part of the Beast was intended to add a bit of brevity to the sequence - but I decided it was better to keep as much emotional impact as possible in the moment.

A more minor change a couple of pages later is Grimlock’s line “how do they do it”, which replaced “love is stupid”. I wanted to expressly draw a parallel between the Beast’s combination and Predaking’s.

The line I’m happiest with is “eat shit megatron this is what you get for being such a fucking weapon”. One of my friends occasionally cracks out the word “weapon” to describe someone - and what better application for it is there than a guy who literally turns into a gun?

Megatron’s line about the “black hole” in Optimus Prime’s spark is a twist on Megatron’s own canonical link to a black hole - an aspect of his original bio which was revisited by Roberts.

I struggled to think of Menasor’s final words. The longer I stared at the panel where he gets torn in half - from which I’d already cleared the speech bubble - the more I was struck by the emptiness of the scene. If one considers Menasor to be a symbol for the Decepticons as a whole, then his silence in that panel is my way of showing that - from this point forth - the Decepticons no longer have a voice; the second part of the comic shows naught but their corpses. Death exists, and nothing is good any more.

None of the text on the final page of the first half remained unchanged between drafts. I wan’t happy with Optimus Prime’s original line at all, and the internal monologue “don’t you deserve happiness” felt a little too serious. The phrase “no u” is the archetypical low-effort comeback, and seemed like the perfect beat to end the first part with.

Prime’s line “gotta jettison some dead weight” is a nod to Astrotrain’s iconic line in The Transformers: The Movie: “Jettison some weight, or I’ll never make it to Cybertron.” I had to check for the exact quote just now and found “jettison transformers the movie” in my search history, so obviously I’d done the same when writing the panel. More than just being a trite reference, I was hoping to draw an obvious parallel and to contrast the unilateral decision Optimus Prime makes on the following page against the more shall-we-call-it-democratic process the Decepticons used in the movie.

I’m probably a little too proud of “big red irredeemable fucking monster of a robot semi fuck”, which is a line that could absolutely only exist in this travesty of a comic.

Jetfire’s use of the phrase “GOTTA BLAST” is a reference to a line spoken by the titular character of the early-2000s CGI cartoon Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, one which has turned into something of a meme. When I wrote the panel, I intended to imply that Jetfire was aiming to crash into the city - but I think it ended up doubling as foreshadowing for the fact that Jetfire flies his passengers into the sun. Additionally, the meme often sees use as innuendo, which shines through in the following panel: Jetfire expels propellant into the Beast’s face while Bumblebee remarks “gah okay i did not want to see that”. The less said about the sound effect “CHOOOM!”, the better.

Remember how all the text in the first part of the original comic was left-aligned? So’s the text in my version! MS Paint simply doesn’t have the option to change the alignment of your text - I actually had to throw in extra spaces at the start of each new line, eyeballing things until I had an approximation of centre alignment. This is something I never did with “PASS”, and I found that doing so gave me more freedom to squeeze more stuff into the speech bubbles.

As immortalised by countless memes, you can’t rotate text in MS Paint either. I tried to use this to my advantage on the comic’s first page, where the steps between the words in Grimlock’s narration give them a faltering quality.

Grimlock’s narration actually ended up being one of the most challenging parts of the comic to write. I wrote a draft of the first page pretty quickly, but decided I wasn’t happy with it and that I’d have to replace it later - which I did, but only after having written pretty much every single other bit of dialogue.

I think the central conceit of “PASS” - that somebody’s farted and the Autobots are trying to find out who dealt it - didn’t solidify until I reached the second page and looked at Rodimus Prime’s body language. In much the same way, the crux of “The Beast Within (My Pants)” didn’t solidify until it came to writing Swoop’s line.

V. Me Grimlock Not Nice Dino

At some point during the creation of “The Beast Within (My Pants)”, I started thinking a lot about incels.

(To be clear, this is the part of the commentary where things get a bit weird, and I start talking about storytelling decisions which I think were made in poor taste but which I don’t think come across overtly in the comic itself. Feel free to skip ahead to the next section. Or, y’know, stop reading entirely.)

Grimlock is childish, despite his age, and is desperate to be liked - no, respected - at any cost. His only asset is his BRUTE STRENGTH. He hates Prime, but wishes he was Prime. He has trouble treating any of the other Autobots like people. He rages against an outgroup whose ideals are - at least ostensibly - rooted in empathy.

I wouldn’t say “I wrote a comic where Grimlock is an incel”, because that’d be a pretty stupid thing to write and I’d feel pretty stupid saying it.

Looking back at a lot of my previous work on this blog, some things do crop up again and again. In abstract, I’d say that the idea of a character seeking friendship and/or respect - and failing to understand why they can’t find those things - is one that I’ve revisited a couple of times. This was a strong theme in the latter half of Another Son - a story which dealt heavily in misanthropy - which featured a character inspired by Sam Witwicky from Michael Bay’s Transformers. The protagonist of Retrace Steps spent the whole story unable to even ask the question “why am I alone”. Many of the characters in Are You Happy - particularly Mr. Hernandez - deal with similar problems to varying extents.

So this makes, what, practically four stories in a row? I didn’t set out to approach things this way again with this comic, but from the moment I wrote Swoop’s line I knew I didn’t have a choice. When people talk about the Beast’s combination sequence, they talk about how violative it appears. Metal tentacles spring from Grimlock like one of Alien’s chestbursters, penetrating or melding with the other Dinobots’ bodies. After that, the resulting monstrosity ambles around, horrifically murdering its former peers. As much as I can have the characters in the story play this stuff off for laughs, I’ll never be able to erase the undercurrent.

This isn’t supposed to be a direct mapping - a perfect metaphor - and by the time this commentary’s done I hope I’ll have pointed in the direction of some alternate perspectives. It just seems important to put my cards on the table and say that, when I was working on this comic, this is the kinda thing I was thinking about. We thought children were safe with Transformers, and then a gun came and shot people they cared about, and for some reason we were surprised to see that they got upset.

With all of that in mind, I take some solace in the fact that I actually found getting into Grimlock’s head to be extremely difficult. His dialogue was a breeze to write, sure - that’s the outsider’s perspective - but actually trying to construct his thoughts in anything approximating a convincing manner was very difficult. The first draft of his narration literally included the phrase “we live in a society”.

VI. Such Heroic Nonsense

I’ve already touched on Terry van Feleday’s opus a couple of times, but I think it’s worth delving a little deeper into how exactly her analysis influenced this comic. For some reason the idea that nearly five-hundred pages of borderline-conspiracy-theorist-level ramblings about perhaps the most maligned movie franchise of the 21st century might be a tough sell is one which I can’t quite wrap my head around. I’d say that it’s because I’ve read the thing and already know that it’s good, but in truth I was pretty much sold from the moment I found out it existed.

Anyway, I frequently get into not-quite-arguments with internet strangers about Transformers, and during those discussions I frequently find myself saying “a good Transformers story should do X”, and then I have to resist the urge to add “like Michael Bay’s movies” because doing so would completely delegitimise the point I’m trying to make. The problem is that, because I’m deliberately omitting the context of my opinions, they come across as being even more bizarre.

I think that same problem exists in some capacity with this comic, where I’m drawing on sources which are intuitive to me but completely alien even to a typical Transformers fan. I’ve yet to even mention the other primary inspiration for this story, which is even more arcane.

Perhaps it’s important to stress that van Feleday doesn’t offer a typical "theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you fucking moron" take. Rather - and I realise I’m about to butcher this - she shows how the humans in Bay’s movies give increasing amounts of power to an alien cult leader because their only alternative is to get wiped out by an alien warlord. So in terms of this comic, “Autobots bad” is very much rooted in her reading of those movies, while “Decepticons good” is just something I thought would be funny.

Well, not exactly. I’ve already mentioned Combiner Wars; something that continues to baffle pretty much everyone who watched that show (and its sequels) is that, while it seems to have no idea what it’s doing most of the time, its portrayal of Megatron is an absolute riot. He is absolutely the protagonist of that series, the Only Sane Man in a world of bizarre psychotic caricatures. I think the same kinda holds in the continuity of my comic, only he’s had more time to bring the people he takes in around to his way of thinking.

Let’s not forget the official “good-is-bad” continuity of Shattered Glass, which - while heavily compromised - was the source of many interesting reinterpretations of popular characters. Effective reinterpretations require you to forget what you know about a character and strip them back to the core signifiers, which you can then put to different use. One of the posters in Terry van Feleday’s thread, “Lobok”, observes:

I like the idea that Bay or the writers looked at Optimus Prime and thought "What would a guy who calls himself that really act like?" Imagine you knew or heard of someone, a human, who called themselves the equivalent of "The #1 Bestest Superior" or "King Supreme Ultimate" - do you not picture either a 7-year old boy or a mentally deficient oo-rah alpha male? Maybe the two combined? Seems much more apt than a wise, noble father figure.

Of the course, I don’t for a second think that Michael Bay had any such thought - but the connection still exists for the audience to make. Therein lies one of the greatest unspoken strengths of Transformers storytelling: the sheer breadth and depth of the signifiers at play. Much of what van Feleday did in her thread was to boil down the concepts found in Transformers stories to reveal those core signifiers.

(Almost a year ago, I wrote a piece for the Refined Robot Co. blog which explored some of her findings by delving into the subtextual meanings of the countless alternate modes worn by Megatron over the years.)

By the same token, I think there’s something to be said for the way Grimlock’s alternate mode ties into his portrayal in my take on The Beast Within. He turns into a dinosaur - something which is rooted in the past, extinct, unable to develop - while most of the other Autobots turn into modern vehicles. Kids may love dinosaurs, but they’ll likely grow up to have a stronger interest in cars or tanks. Grimlock is immature almost to the point of childishness; his beast mode is the lizard king, and he doesn’t understand why you won’t bow.

(Obviously I’m making some big generalisations here for the sake of a point - the other Dinobots have their own prehistoric disguises, and kids’ interests develop in varied enough ways that perhaps this link is only noticeable to those who experienced the transition I describe. When I was much younger, I was obsessed with dinosaurs, and would consume all the dinosaur-related media I could get my hands on. Eventually, however, my crippling fear of sea monsters led me to stop reading books about them - I'd turn the page, see a full-spread painting of a pliosaur taking a bite out of a pterodactyl, and shit my pants. Okay, no, that’s a huge exaggeration: more likely it just got to the point where I knew basically all of the cool dinosaur facts already, and suddenly the deep lore of the grim darkness of the 41st millennium or whatever seemed way cooler. I just find it funnier to imagine that my prosperous future in paleontology was averted for fear that I’d discover the last living specimen of a plesiosaur.)

VII. Where’d You Learn To Talk Like That

Back in “PASS”, I think there was some question as to who exactly was the coolest dude; the biggest guy. Rodimus was in charge, but the others didn’t really respect his authority in the end. Although Triton was an underdog in that story, he wasn’t at the bottom of the pack - no, that role went to Roadbuster. Everyone seems to like Ultra Magnus, but it’s never really made clear as to why that is.

Grimlock’s personality and role within the Autobots was pretty much the first thing I solidified when it came to writing “The Beast Within (My Pants)”. I knew that he was the lowest of the low; the nail in every Autobot’s tyre. As Grimlock evolved, so too did Optimus Prime - the second-most-prominent character in the comic. "The #1 Bestest Superior" became a murderous jock, and the Autobots became his cult of personality.

Speaking of cults of personality, I’ve been posting regularly in the Homestuck Discord server since November of last year. There’s no other place like it on the internet, and - truth be told - I’m not sure any explanation of it I could provide would suffice. The server was created by some guy called Makin - at least, we're pretty sure he’s a guy - who nobody’s ever met but who seems to have an uncanny knack for managing online communities.

Major events in that server have been comprehensively catalogued since July of 2017 by long-standing moderator “Drew Linky” in his journal Several People Are Typing. Between the entries and the related materials, it’s probably around half a million words in length. There’s no other document like it on the internet.

For the first fifty or so pages, Drew had no intention of making his document public. Apparently, one of the reasons he wrote it in the first place was as a way of holding Makin accountable - the guy used to be (and sometimes still is) a bit of an ass. Now, I wasn’t around in 2017, so I can’t really comment on the accuracy of the document’s early entries - but as a newcomer I was struck by how different Drew’s depiction of the server was to my own experience there. If I had to guess, I’d say his style of prose and the cherry-picked nature of the document make it seem like a much more hostile place than it actually is.

In particular, Makin effectively starts out as journal’s main villain (alongside various problem users and Homestuck creators) - a capricious and unknowable entity with absolute power over the server - and many of the entries deal in some way with what users jokingly refer to as his “redemption arc”. Of course, in reality, he’s just some guy, and everyone knows that real people don’t have character arcs.

I still haven’t finished reading SPAT, but I was doing so around the time when I was working on the comic. At some point I started to draw parallels between my bizarro version of Optimus Prime and the journal’s bizarro version of Makin, and I decided to play them up. Much of Prime’s dialogue is inspired by Makin’s style of speech, using phrases like “shut the fuck up”, “nobody cares”, “holy shit”, “get fucked”, “lmao”, “literally”, “literally [...] who”, “guys”, “rational” and “you’re welcome”. I just checked and at the time of writing, with the exception of “literally who” and “you’re welcome”, he’s used every one of those phrases within the last week. Oh, and while the word “suckers” isn’t really a Makin quote, in Homestuck it’s associated with the not-quite-biggest-bad evil empress. It bears mentioning again that the complete lack of punctuation in the comic’s dialogue mirrors the most common style of typing I see online, where people drop their capital letters and full stops.

(In fairness, a lot of us kinda talk the same way in that server. I remember one time Makin said “I also need to worry about lmao becoming some kind of anime catchphrase for me”, which cut pretty deep as I’ve been overusing that phrase instead of “lol” or “haha” or whatever for ages. Look, it’s just a funny word to me: in my head I pronounce it “luh-mayo” instead of “el-em-ay-oh”. Like “I throw my sandwich in the air sometimes / saying aaay-oh / I ordered maaayo...”)

In the comic, the self-aggrandising Optimus Prime is hostile and dismissive to those around him. It might all be a front, but it might not. Even though Grimlock hates Optimus, the Dinobot seems to agree with him a lot of the time, and the narrative itself never really manages to conclusively condemn his actions. The name “Optimus” echoes the word “optimise”; so frequently thrown around in rationalist circles. One could even go so far as to say that Optimus Prime’s ultimate goal in the comic is to kill death-in-the-form-of-a-shitposter.

In seriousness, I’m drawing these comparisons in a pretty tongue-in-cheek way. I don’t actually think that the Homestuck Discord server is a cult of personality - even if, to check the user-contributed “SPAT Epilogues”, some of its populace seem determined to behave like it is. Even if this section of this commentary exists. At the end of the day, I’m gonna write what I know, and I like to think that I know a little about online communities and what happens when they go wrong. I wish I could say that “The Beast Within (My Pants)” is a cautionary tale to that effect, but in truth I don’t think it offers any conclusive answers in the same way that “PASS” perhaps did. “Only worry about the opinions of people who actually care about you,” maybe? “Death is an abomination and we shouldn’t let it anywhere near our kids”, perhaps? “You can’t force other people to like you”?

“You can’t force other people to like the things you made”?

VIII. Burnt-Out Toaster Ovens

In the re-released version of “PASS”, it seemed right to throw in something in the way of extra content. I had fond memories of the Seacon profiles published alongside the original “Peace”, and lifted the format to create short bios for all sixteen characters who appeared in the comic. These fitted neatly on a four-by-four spread (though I ended up merging Topspin and Twin Twist’s profiles and throwing in an extra one for Computron, who did not appear in the comic proper).

From the start, I knew I wanted to do something similar for “The Beast Within (My Pants)”. In fact, I already had two text-only pages to work with; each part of the original comic was prefaced with a prose introduction and a note from Mr. Gibson. I decided that I could rework the text-only pages and add another spread of profiles, using the freedom granted by prose to explain away many of the comic’s oddities.

It took me some time to carefully erase the existing text from the scans that I had, using nothing but the brush tool in MS Paint. It took me even more time to work out some potential approaches to take with the text itself. Eventually, I came up with the following ideas:

A flashback depicting Grimlock and Swoop’s breakup.

A conversation between Grimlock and Jazz (or, perhaps, Slash).

“How Ratchet Got His Head Back”, the interlude which I ended up using.

A synopsis of events between “its christmas... so what??” and “The Beast Within (My Pants)”, which ended up being my first stab at the introduction.

Some in-character commentary as Mr. Gibson, which I did end up including.

From the moment I conceived it, I was pretty set on “How Ratchet Got His Head Back”, and it ended up being a breeze to write. I didn’t end up getting a chance to squeeze in the title - a reference to an issue of More than Meets the Eye - as it didn’t really fit the original format of the page. The introduction, on the other hand, proved much more challenging. My main problem was that, were I to preface the story with a text page, I’d be asking them to read a bunch of probably-mostly-serious words before allowing them to read the comic proper. Not the best first impression!

Nonetheless, I gave it a go - you can read my first attempt in the album of the draft pages. It mostly served to lay out the continuity between my three comics. Rodimus Prime’s crew were abandoned on Cybertron by Optimus Prime (presumably Hot Rod changed his name in Optimus’ absence). Megatron, Optimus and their crews crash-landed on Earth, and millions of years later the events of “its christmas... so what??” occurred. Meanwhile on Cybertron, it took a few million years for the other Autobots to wipe out the remaining Decepticons, as seen in “PASS”. Humanity was wiped out by Optimus in retribution for their transgression (a nod to Mr. Gibson’s depiction of Earth as an empty wasteland), prompting the conflict seen in “The Beast Within (My Pants)”. Much of this timeline remains implicit in the final version of the comic.

When I wrote it, I was pretty happy with the way this information was conveyed in the first draft. It was the ever-ardent Gitaxian - one of my long-time prereaders - who made me realise just what a mistake I’d made:

Something was rubbing me the wrong way about that first prose page and I finally realized what it is / Expositing that Optimus is horrible right off the bat takes away a good chunk of the impact the comic had before you added it

He was right. My prereaders’ initial response to the comic was that Optimus Prime’s motivations were completely opaque, and I overcorrected, not realising that his inscrutability was one of the things that made him interesting. You kinda want him to behave like the Optimus Prime you know and love, but he keeps doing weird things and you never really find out why.

Suddenly, I was back at square one - no closer to having a clear idea of how to introduce the comic. Another of my prereaders, gearshift, had the solution:

It's Transformers or some shit. You've seen the cartoon right? The one with the tape guy? Yeah, the tape guy is barely in this one. What do you mean no sale? Look, fuck, it's got the dinosaur guy. He's right on the goddamn cover, you like the dinosaur guy right? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Bitch.

I liked her pitch because it seemed like it’d do a good job of filtering out readers who wouldn’t enjoy the comic. To quote Alexander Wales, author of Worth the Candle:

I kind of hate blurbs and taglines, especially for something so large and varied as Worth the Candle / My ideal synopsis would tell people what kind of story it was without actually telling them that much about the story; it would select for all the people who would fall in love with the story, and select against all the people who would find it a waste of time. / How to actually write that ... I've got no idea.

(Side note: I’m one of the people who fell in love with that story, to the point where I’ll use any opportunity to recommend it to others. It’s maybe my favourite thing written by anyone ever.)

A closely-related issue is that of content warnings: so far as I’ve been able to work out, there is no warning which I can give for “The Beast Within (My Pants)” which adequately selects against people who won’t like it while also preserving its conceptual twists and avoiding colouring the audience’s interpretation.

Getting back to the actual content of the introduction - I wound up writing less than I would’ve liked, leaving the page looking a little sparse, but hopefully making things easier for the reader. There’s relatively little to talk about in the way of trivia here. When I wrote the phrase “cut right to the spectacles” I was probably thinking of Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Cut To The Feeling”. When I mentioned “moist towelettes” I was probably thinking of Hawthorne Wipes. The phrase “truth time” was an iconic - to me, and literally no-one else in existence - line spoken by the trolling narrator of a crack story written by a high school friend of mine, the energy of which I feel like I’ve always been channelling with these comics.

The interlude, on the other hand, is crammed full of references and was a breeze to write. It was the first piece of prose I completed for the project. In general, I was trying to write in a verbose style that would be simultaneously at odds with the bulk of the issue and reminiscent of the prose of veteran Transformers scribe Simon Furman. He was known for using certain distinctive phrases repeatedly in his writing - one such phrase being “like some vast, predatory bird”. The phrase “neither sufficient inclination nor wingspan” is supposed to subtly evoke another Furmanism: “CANNOT, WILL NOT”.

In all likelihood, the interlude would not have existed had I not noticed that Ratchet’s head was in its cartoon colours in the first part of the story, but in its Marvel colours for the second. I had the idea to explain that error away in story - tying into the general schtick of “correcting” the comic - and did so by way of a reference to Ratchet’s original toy, which had a sticker with a face on it behind the windshield rather than a proper head. I was also determined to highlight the fact that Predaking’s legs remain standing for like three pages; I think this minor detail in the artwork is pretty indicative of the fact that Mr. Gibson did a good job.

The way Swoop’s contribution to the combiner is described as “puny” ties nicely to the history established between him and Grimlock in his profile. I like the way the Beast tries to hit Optimus Prime with a “truck-sized fist”. The “antimemetic shielding” was my attempt to explain the recurring disappearances of Optimus Prime’s trailer in a novel way - I did so by namedropping the key phrase from qntm’s There Is No Antimemetics Division; the trailer’s there, you just can’t perceive it and forget that it exists. Finally, “dull surprise” refers to the vague expressions that characterised Dreamwave’s house style.

For the most part, I was able to retain the ordering of the pages as in the original comic, to keep things print-friendly. The one exception to this is the prose page for the second part, which I unfortunately had to move forward so that its cover could fall across a spread. The original comics must’ve included something in the way of backmatter - art cards, perhaps, or adverts - which made up the space.

The huge cast of The Beast Within made creating a profile for every character an impossible task (especially when so many are just crowd-fillers like some of the Technobots were in “PASS”) - but it was perfectly possible to provide one for each non-combiner character with a speaking role.

(If you’ll indulge me in one last barely-relevant tangent as we head into the final stretch of this commentary, there are some rather odd inclusions/omissions in The Beast Within. On the Autobot side, pretty much every 1984-1985 character appears, with the exceptions of Trailbreaker, Hoist, Tracks, Smokescreen, Grapple, Beachcomber, Seaspray, Perceptor and Omega Supreme. The Autobot combiner teams are absent with the odd exception of Silverbolt. Twin Twist - who had been pretty much entirely absent from the original US fiction - makes an odd appearance without his partner Topspin. Steeljaw is the only one of the four 1986 Autobot cassettes to appear. Meanwhile, on the Decepticon side, oddities include the toy-inspired versions of Viewfinder and Spectro (most of the rest of the cast use cartoon-inspired character models) and the omissions of Spyglass and Buzzsaw. Some Decepticon combiner team members - Motormaster, Wildrider, Breakdown, Blast Off and Swindle - only appear in combined form. Just two of the four 1986 triple changers - Springer and Octane - appear in the comic, looking slightly out-of-place in a cast consisting mostly of characters present in the first two seasons of the cartoon. Oh, and the Deluxe Vehicles and Deluxe Insecticons are absent, but that’s to be expected in a cartoon-inspired setting.)

Here’s the first draft of Optimus Prime’s profile:

Unpredictable. Unstoppable. Unrepentant. Many words have been used to describe OPTIMUS PRIME, yet the abrasive leader of the Autobots remains something of an enigma even amongst his followers. He has ruled Cybertron for many millenia, by dint of the fact that he's apparently the only Cybertronian with a shred of competence.

It’s a product of the time where I wanted to really flesh out Optimus Prime and communicate his thoughts clearly to the audience, and as such is pretty blunt with how it characterises him. The final version is a little more subtle, drawing in elements of the scrapped introduction. I figure I may as well go through the other profiles one-by-one to give a sense for what I was thinking:

Megatron initially had a much more personal bio - which seems to have been lost to time - but I wound up cutting much of it to make space for elements of the story’s scrapped introduction.

Starscream draws inspiration from van Feleday’s interpretation of the character - she posited that Michael Bay’s version of the character was actually the Decepticon most loyal to Megatron. The contrast between that interpretation and pretty much every other in the franchise’s history (excluding Shattered Glass Starscream, of course) is pretty funny to me. I tried to use the phrase “fools errands” in as benign a way as possible, which I felt evoked a more traditional relationship between him and Megatron. “Starscream, you fool!”

Razorclaw has little in the way of characterisation in the comic beyond “noble warrior”, and his profile is a wholesale reference to The Chronicles of Narnia: he stands in for Aslan; the rest of the Predacons for the Pevensie siblings. So yes, this version of Razorclaw is a Christ-like figure. As for the witch... maybe Blackarachnia? Eh, who cares. Oh, and the idea of combining with a dead bot was one which cropped up a few times in IDW’s comics, most notably with the Combaticons in Mairghread Scott’s Till All Are One.

Onslaught was in a similar boat to Razorclaw. I found myself drawing from Till All Are One once more, hinting at a (complicated?) romance between him and another teammate.

Blitzwing has only one speaking role in the comic - a shared line with Megatron and Starscream - but I decided to count it for the sake of having a nice set of sixteen characters once more. In Transformers Animated, Blitzwing had multiple personalities, and would change forms depending on which was in control. This interpretation of the character has seen plenty of criticism, so I deliberately tried to come up with something new. I quickly settled upon the idea of tying his vehicle forms to his mood, a metaphor which seemed to dovetail nicely with the way aerial alternate forms were treated in “PASS” and which also allowed me to cement the Decepticons’ supportiveness.

Bulkhead was borne of the realisation that Springer appears prominently in both “Peace” and The Beast Within. This inconsistency is entirely the product of my decision to place my versions of those comics in the same continuity, and I decided to correct it in the tradition of “Bluster” and “Firster Aid” by having them be two separate (but related) characters. I named the new Springer after Energon Bulkhead, who was inspired by “Generation 1″ Springer - the name’s since been used more prominently by an Animated-original character and variations thereof, and is effectively fair game for “Generation 1″ stories. His actual characterisation was inspired by Springer’s behaviour in “PASS” - I liked the idea that Bulkhead bullied Springer, and Springer bullied everyone else in turn. Oh, and I wanted to tie their helicopter modes back to Blitzwing’s profile on a thematic level.

Bumblebee is the only character from “its christmas... so what??” to recur with a speaking role in “The Beast Within (My Pants)”. After scrapping the original introduction I’d planned for the comic, I was left with a single profile to bridge the gap between the two stories. My original idea was that, for their negligence in allowing the humans to steal Bumblebee’s blood, Prowl, Tracks, and Hoist would have been executed by Optimus Prime - though I’m sure he didn’t pull the trigger himself, it’s safe to assume that he didn’t warn them before setting off the nukes.

Ratchet has a characterisation inspired by something “Jonny Angel” posted in van Feleday’s thread: “Ratchet is an ambulance who practices no medicine”.

Jazz is an extremely prominent character in the comic, despite the fact that his only line is a scream in the opening panel. The comic relies on the wider context of the brand to let the audience be invested in him, but in a vacuum it’s kinda funny to see the Autobots fret so much over an effective nobody. Pretty much the entire joke in my version is just a reference to Ryan Gosling’s misguided quest to “save jazz” in La La Land - some of his character’s lines are lifted wholesale to comprise Jazz’s profile, which takes pains to avoid using any kind of pronouns (thereby maintaining the confusion over whether or not “Jazz” refers to the character or the music genre). His profile was the first I wrote.

Ironhide has a role amongst the Autobots loosely inspired by that of Drew Linky (or at least, the version of Drew Linky presented by SPAT) in the Homestuck Discord. I thought there was some symmetry there with Ironhide’s history in IDW Publishing’s comics.

Skids was a tricky character to portray, but ultimately his profile turned out to be one of the ones I’m happiest with. It’s kind of a loose riff on his portrayal towards the back end of James Roberts’ stories, where much of his arc revolved around his relationship with Nautica. According to Word of God, he had unrequited feelings for her - I decided to amp this up by giving him unrequited feelings for everyone. To tie this back to Homestuck, think Eridan/Cronus. Oh, and in terms of the Homestuck Discord server, think your typical hornyposter (and then follow the implications through in terms of Optimus Prime/Makin). The actual name “Skids Maximus” is a play on the way the suffix “Maximus” has historically been used for some combiners, “Optimus Maximus” in particular. I’m convinced I’m not the first person to do a joke like that, but nobody I asked could think of any older examples.

Grimlock was fleshed out pretty well by the comic itself, so I took his profile as an opportunity to expand upon the history of the Dinobots. I saw them as being akin to a group of friends who stuck together throughout school, winding up as an impenetrably toxic and incestuous mess with a ton of deep lore. In a way, there was a time when I was the Grimlock of my group of friends... but we all grew up.

Swoop is Grimlock’s ex-partner, a concept inspired by the other Dinobot combiner we all wish we could forget about. I’m pretty happy with the use of the word “bottom” in this context.

Snarl is based on a combination of various people I’ve known in real life - people who are perfectly nice and reasonable but have zero patience around certain other individuals. From the outside, it’s behaviour that comes across as pretty damn harsh, but - and please note that this is not an endorsement of such behaviour - it’s usually the product of a long period of aggravations.

Jetfire was the last character introduced in the comic, so it felt fitting to save his profile until last. His biography is effectively a mashup of his portrayals in the original cartoon (where he gets frozen in the Arctic Circle) and in Revenge of the Fallen (where he was a Seeker who wound up on Earth), a combination which neatly parallels Bay’s Megatron’s origins. It also references J.J. Abram’s infamous “mystery box” storytelling device, which I intended to mirror the offbeat lack of closure in the comic itself.

The final challenge I faced - one which had hounded me throughout the development of the comic - was what exactly to title it. Titles considered included:

“The BEE” (Tindalos’ suggestion)

“The BEE Within”

“The REEEE Within”

“SHIT” (Gitaxian’s suggestion)

“IM THE BEAST”

“AWWW SHIT” (Fear or Courage’s suggestion)

“AW SHIT ITS THE BEAST”

None of these resonated. Then, almost a whole month later, out of nowhere:

This was the entirety of Daniel111111222222’s contribution to the story - and what a contribution it was.

There were several reasons why I loved his idea. Firstly, it was easy to edit: most of the other suggestions would’ve required me to move lots of letters around, while this one would simply require me to append a few. More importantly, it felt like the title of a Chuck Tingle novel.

The subtitle for the second part - “No Pants” - seemed like a natural choice after that, the idea being that it evokes Grimlock’s inhibitions falling away with his transformation into the Beast. It narrowly edged out “Pants Off”, which I managed to squeeze into the final version of the introduction.

The parentheses in the comic’s title were my own addition, and in retrospect I kinda regret them. They seemed like a good idea at the time, but I’m not sure why. I was wrong to try and improve upon perfection.

IX. Why Throw Away Your Life So Recklessly

So far, the bulk of this commentary has mostly focused on the aspects of this project which I think went pretty well. In a way, that's probably fair enough, because - on balance - I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.

At the same time, I can't help feeling that “PASS” - a comic which I probably threw together in the space of one day two years ago - is both funnier and more meaningful than the one which I spent a couple of weeks on.

When I started working on “The Beast Within (My Pants)” towards the beginning of May, I expected to have the project finished and out of the door by the end of the month. If you glance at the release dates of the various things I made, you'll see that I like to put out major projects on the last day of a month - it's a way of setting myself a deadline and it lets me associate a given project with a given period of time.

My first draft of the dialogue was released to prereaders on the 11th of May; my second on the 13th. Around that point, exam season started to kick in and I decided to prioritise to other projects - the Retrace Steps commentary and the Are You Happy retrospective - which both ballooned out into much longer pieces than I'd planned. I successfully met my self-imposed deadline for those projects and pushed back the release date for the comic to the end of June. I released the first drafts of the text-only pages on the 9th, but the profiles didn't follow until the 24th. By the time you read this, I'll have been working on the project on-and-off for over three months; despite the fact that I was ostensibly on vacation for most of that time, I was somehow busier than I tend to be at university.

For context, it took me just four months to adapt Retrace Steps from a short film script to a webcomic (well, “webcomic”), and that was a process which actually required original artwork. At the time I noted that I needed to re-evaluate the way I approached commentaries, as the amount of time required to produce one of a high standard seemed only to increase - they're extremely valuable to me, and seem to be well-received by the few who read them, but are they justifiable if they take longer to create than the things they comment on?

All of this is my long-winded way of saying that I've probably spent more time thinking about The Beast Within than the vast majority of people who know about it, and that I kinda regret that. See, in the sense that The Beast Within provokes a visceral emotional reaction, it’s a “good comic” - but so too does a punch to the face. The Beast Within is not a good comic. It’s mean and deconstructive and poorly-done. My version is borne of contrarianism and hubris, and softens the blow not one bit.

At the time when I was writing Grimlock's dialogue, I found that my own typing style was becoming increasingly acidic.

The truth is that “PASS” is probably the most successful thing I have ever made, and I wanted to make a comic which would put it to shame, and I failed miserably. In fact, I feel like I’ve made something which only I could ever enjoy. It’s derivative in the extreme. As my deadline for this project drew closer, I resorted to drafting bits of the commentary on my phone in public, and at one point somebody idly asked me what I was writing, and - after failing to think of a convincing lie - I said something along the lines of “it’s kinda a long story, and I wouldn’t enjoy telling it, and you wouldn’t enjoy hearing about it”. They seemed perfectly satisfied by that answer, but I wasn’t.

Must we justify the things we create? Mr. Jamieson’s attitude seemed to be to say “screw you, I don’t have to justify myself to stupid people” (while pointing at everybody else in the room). My attitude, as evinced by this commentary, has been to justify every aspect of everything I make in excruciating detail, so that if you tell me “I don’t like X” I can say “I already explained why I thought X was a good idea” and you can say “well you were wrong” and I can say “maybe”.

You’ve probably twigged that, throughout this commentary, I’ve referred to the creators of The Beast Within only by second name. At first, perhaps, it came across as some mark of mocking respect - like citing a scientific source - but the real reason is cowardice, not confidence. Some people occasionally put their own names into Google. There’s a couple of people to whom I really don’t want to have to justify myself.

Over a decade after the release of the The Beast Within, Hasbro released a brand new set of Dinobot toys which combined to form Volcanicus. The creators of the Prime Wars Trilogy and of the Earth Wars mobile game gleefully included the new combiner in their stories, and the fandom at large embraced it wholeheartedly.

As her thread drew to a close, Terry van Feleday wrote something which I think about often:

Of course [...] let’s not forget that no matter the amount of earnest work put into something, sometimes it just turns out shit. There’s a strange perception I noticed in critical response where people seem to find it difficult to consider something both earnest or satirical and, well, not very well made. Sucker Punch can’t be an honest indictment of cinematic objectification and a somewhat poorly conceived, almost hypocritical attempt at being more clever than you should. Transformers can’t be an inversion of the traditional hero/villain narrative showcasing the effects of authoritarian propaganda and a meandering, under-focused, often poorly communicated, destructive mess. Maybe it’s a strange entertainment-version of the Just World Fallacy where lacking results must necessarily result from lacking effort, or maybe it’s modern audiences’ strange worship of subversiveness, where a work critical of old tropes must by default be better than the works it’s commenting on throwing to the dustbin of history, but either way, people are extremely resistant to the idea that films they found emotionally dissatisfying could express depth and meaning and tend to dismiss them as another ‘genre film’.

Mr. Gibson is a children’s picture book illustrator. The Beast has no place on his website.

X. Proceed On Your Way To Oblivion

TFNation - the UK’s biggest Transformers convention - has become something of an annual pilgrimage for me, and (as of the time of writing) I’ll be making that pilgrimage in a matter of days. If you see me there, feel free to come over and punch me. Or, y’know, just say hi. I’ll have some limited-edition printed copies of “PASS” to give out. For more information on that - and for infrequent Transformers-related musings and updates on future projects - wander on over to my twitter!

What are those future projects? Well, after the convention I’m planning to release an original short story. It’s not very good, but it’s got a few stylistic similarities to this comic (read: lots of swearing). I might have a little bit in the way of Transformers prose coming out down the line, but can’t really elaborate further on the form that’ll take. I’ve been planning to get back to Huskyquest for ages, and hopefully I’ll finally be able to do so once I settle back down at university. After that, I plan to focus my efforts on prose, so you may as well expect more radio silence from me.

If you’ve made it to the end of this almost-fifteen-thousand-word monstrosity, you, uhh... win all my internet points? Sorry, that’s all I have.

Remind me never to do this again.

[talesfromearthlegacy]

How Robin 1 and Batgirl 1 met

Grayson origin story

"Johnny?" John Richard Grayson looked up from his Comic book and spotted his aunts Mary and Sophia as well as his mother Karla both standing in front of him.

"Yes? Momma? Aunt Sophia? Aunt Mary? Do you need help with anything? Is something wrong with Mini-me ?"

The fifteen year old asked concern for his nine year old cousin suddenly building in his chest. The squirt was notorious for being a little too fearless at times, something that constantly worried both his Mother and his two aunts.

Noticing the look on his face Mary Grayson started to smile. She knew how close Johnny was to her son.

"No, No Dicky's quite alright... But me and your aunts really do need to talk to you about something John." "You see Johnny," Karla took over speaking to her son. "- Marys sister Harriet is coming to visit when we're in Gotham" The mention of his baby cousins maternal aunt made John frown. He remembered that lady. "So what? Is me and mini me and Rach gonna have to sit out? Are we gonna have to use a net? Whats gonna happen?"

"Well since it is Gotham and it is my sister Harriet whose coming…"

"Crap we're using a net aren't we?"

"Language young man, and no, not exactly"

Suddenly John felt the urge to sneeze

___________________________________________________

Before the show John and his family were stopped by a group of people. "Excuse me Johnny, Mary, Ricky, Al?" Called out a raven haired man in a suit followed closely by a group of people consisting of two other adult males and three adult woman as well as a group of children the oldest two a pair of African American teens who looked to be around his age "Oyi Bruce! Rochelle! Janet! How long has it been? And who are these little tykes?" His uncle John happily greeted the group.

___________________________________________________

It was time for the finale. Midway through the sound of something snapping vargely registered in nine year old Dick's mind as he steadily watched his family preform from where he sat on the center pole platform with his older cousins John and Rachel by his side.

___________________________________________________

Complete silence .… Somewhere in the crowd a woman sitting with her grandson started to scream.

___________________________________________________

"One's still alive!" John's eyes widen as he carefully climbed down the rope ladder. After making sure his two younger cousins got down safely he turned his head and watched as people who he assumed and hope were paramedics ran past him towards where his family laid.

___________________________________________________

Later on that night John found himself doozing off in Grandpa Haly's trailer holding tightly onto his youngest sleeping cousin while his other younger cousin Rachel who was the daughter of his uncle Alphonse and Aunt Sophia, was laying silently next to him. Earlier Grandpa Haly and a few others had escorted the three of them here. Grandpa Haly had told them to stay put while he went to talk to the police commissioner of Gotham City who had apparently been in attendence tonight. The sound of the door opening varguely registered in John's mind.

A soft Click was heard and The lights flickering on caused John to blink. He shifted onto his back to get a better look at who it was entering the trailer. "Eu-wh? …oh... its you" Standing in the doorway was Mitchell Cooper aka His Aunt Marys great nephew "Yeah…hey how's-" "He fell asleep a bit ago.” Responded Rachel who was cuddled up close to John.

“Oh hey wheres your grandmother?" Asked John who remembered who Mitchell was in attendance with.

"Yeah…she…" Mitchell trailed off as he closed the door to the trailer. It slamming making both John and Rachel flinch. After taking a deep breath Mitchell continued “after y’all were led away my grandmother started having a heart attack after rushing over to the scene. I guess she couldn’t take seeing her own sister die in front of her and her frail heart just gave out“

"Shit man i'm sorry… how long had you been..." John trailed off

"Living with her?" Mitchell finished for him making John nod, his chin bumping into the top of Dickie's head twice.

"Not long really…like three almost four months"

"You have any other family?"

"Not that i'm aware of… my parent's were only children and my maternal grandparents have been dead for like five years..they were only children to…Grandma was my only real option other then foster care or running away to the circus…which i didn't have enough money for" Mitchell gave the Grayson cousins a small smile.

"Ha really?" The slightly older boy shot him a look as Mitchell sat down next to them. "Yes really…my parent's didn't believe in a allowence and grandma didn't either"

"Heh i guess my folks were the same way because I never got one either--eh" at the end of his sentence John felt movement coming from on top of him. "Mhm…Daddy?…Mhm…Bad dream..where's mommy?" the soft sore voice of nine year old Dick Grayson called out. Instead of answering John tightened his hold much to the younger boys confusion. "Dad? Eh" The younger boy opened his eyes slightly. John felt the kid tense up in his arms. "Sshh Dickie…don't worry I'm still here... John John's still here…your cousin Mitchell and Rachel are here to" "Mitchie? Rachi?" The boy said, his voice trembling. Taking that as their que Mitchell laid down on the side of the bed next to John that wasn’t occupied and together he and Rachel both placed their hands onto Dick's back. "John John's right Dickie we're here" said Rachel

"Yeah all three of your cousins are here Mijo don't worry Dickie we're not going anywhere" said Mitchell.

___________________________________________________

Some time later

“Hello welcome to Wayne Manor ”a pretty blonde with bright brown eyes wearing a pretty blue dress welcomed The Grayson-Cooper cousins as they entered the Manor that was to be their new home with their social worker. The blonde who was standing next to three young boys two of which had dark brunette hair respectively while the third was a blonde and a blonde hair smaller girl as well as the man they knew was named Bruce Wayne went on speaking.

“I’m Martha Elizabeth Kane-Galavan but you can call me Bethany and this is my younger cousin Mary we’re Bruce’s younger maternal cousins as well as his adopted daughters the other kids with us are the Fox siblings Timothy, Tiffany, Luke And Tamara, the Red head is James Gordon And the three young boys next to me are Lance, Ezekiel and Roger” the now identified Martha introduced each of the other kids with her.

Before Dick or any of his cousins could speak up the smaller girl who was introduced as Mary spoke up while waving enthusiastically at Dick who in turn gave her a small smile “My full name’s Mary Elizabeth Kane but you can call me Bette, the guy dressed as a Butler is Alfred he makes awesome chocolate cakes”

The older man who had opened the door replied “Quite right Miss Bette if you all would follow me please, I shall show our newest family members their rooms so they can set their belongings down and then we shall join the others for a snack”

[curliesallovertheplace]

The Walk

Pairing: Misha x reader

Prompt: 500 miles by the Proclaimers

Words: 1950ish

Warnings: none, just a lot of fluff and a lot of walking

Beta: Thanks to @sassy-losechester for betaing this one shot! 

A/N: This fic is written for Kari’s RPF Song Challenge by @thing-you-do-with-that-thing. It’s in support of @wayward-mirage RPF Appreciation Day 2017. I hope you guys enjoy it! Feedback is very much appreciated since I’m trying to improve my writing and I want to push myself so any critique is welcome :) A/N 2: I actually did some research in hopes of getting most details right and making it realistic. I have no idea where Misha lives right now so I went with Los Angeles. Also, I know it won’t play out to be 500 miles, but by the use of google maps and the internet I decided it would be quite inhumane.  A/N 3: Also the gif fits the story perfectly in my opinion! Because there’s no way Misha would take the easy way. :) 

“You guys ready?” Misha exclaimed through his megaphone, eliciting excited screams from the crowd in front of him. “I said: you guys ready?” The people gathered around the table he was standing on shouted in unison. “Alright, let’s get going then!” With those words Misha pointed to the road ahead of the group and jumped from his made up stage. He rushed to the front of the crowd, setting a steady walking pace, leading the way. As he looked behind him, he saw the San Diego Comic Con sign becoming smaller and smaller, all while a sea of people marched right behind him.

For the first hour of the hike the actor chatted with his fans who joined him on this crazy adventure of his. The small talk died down just like the number of people walking with him. Every now and then a small group would join them, picking up his location from his twitter messages. But when night fell Misha was left on his own. His only companions were waiting for him at his first night’s checkpoint. Encinitas, California. If he was lucky, they would have checked into the hotel already, everything ready for him to just face plant the mattress.

What was he even thinking? Misha laughed to himself and shook his head when he remembered the original idea. If there was anyone around, they’d probably think he was a madman for laughing for no apparent reason. His initial plan was to walk 500 miles and literally fall down at his girlfriend’s door. On one knee specifically, pulling out a ring and asking you to marry him. After just one day, Misha thanked the gods that his friend Darius talked him out of that idea.

“Try to walk from San Diego to Los Angeles first, big boy,” he had said. After researching some stuff, Misha quickly adjusted his plan. Twenty days of hiking was a little crazy, even for him. It would have been one hell of a proposal though.

Misha smiled when the city lights greeted him on the horizon. He quickened his pace, the promise of sleep and a warm meal giving his sore muscles a boost of energy. His calves burned, but he ignored the pain and marched on towards the booming city. The closer he got, the more people joined him again. His fans cheered him on as he walked the last few miles. Every few turns he checked his map to find the right street, making sure he was going the right way.

The hotel sign greeted him and so did his friends at the entrance. Darius grabbed his friend while someone else took over the backpack. “Thank you, guys, for walking with me and I hope to see you again tomorrow,” Misha smiled. With the last remnants of his energy he waved at the little crowd and stumbled through the hotel entrance into the lobby, his body heavy with exhaustion.

A quick meal later the actor collapsed on the bed. The moment his head hit the pillow, he was knocked out, his eyes heavy with sleep. His mind blocked out his friends strolling around the room and the noise they made. As sleep washed over the actor, every thought that passed through his head revolved around you. Your smile, your laugh, the little lines etched in your skin. Even in his dreams you were the only thing on his mind. Memories of your relationship made Misha smile in his sleep. Predictions for the future had him feeling euphoric. He imagined mini versions of you and him running around, the wedding ring you would wear leaving a tan line because you would never take it off, having you by his side forever. And if you said yes in a few days, that dream would start to become reality.

Misha’s eyes fluttered open when his alarm buzzed next to his head. He was pulled abruptly from his happy dreams, pushed back into reality where you hadn’t even said ‘yes’ yet. Without a conscious thought he pressed the snooze button on his phone. He slowly opened his eyes, blinking against the morning sun, an empty spot next to him. Oh how he wished you were right beside him, all cuddled up against his side. He could have taking a flight home from San Diego, but Misha wouldn’t be Misha if he would do it the normal and easy way.

The actor stretched his arms and legs and he felt the ache settling into his muscles already. Four more days, he thought to himself. Four more days and you would be in his arms. Hopefully his fiancée by that time and not just his girlfriend anymore. Misha had told you this whole trip was some outrageous promo stunt for GISHWHES. Personally he thought it was the perfect excuse for a seemingly random five day walk and after talking with Jensen and Jared about it, they unanimously decided it was the most plausible lie.

“Mornin’, sunshine,” Darius grinned down at his tousled friend. Misha grunted something back as he climbed out of bed, his legs stiff and painful with every move. “How you doing? Can your old body still handle it?”

The actor glared at his best friend. “I could use a massage,” he threw back with an innocent smile. Darius grimaced and shook his head, scurrying out of the room. Misha jumped under the shower to fully wake up. The warm water relaxed his muscles and relieved some of the tenseness. He quickly got ready and packed his backpack for the day. It would be a long walk today and the earlier he left, the more breaks he could take. With his bag slung over his shoulder he closed the door of the room behind him and made his way towards the restaurant of the hotel.

After breakfast Misha resumed his quest. A few dozen of people had shown up and together with them and Darius he marched the first few miles of the day. People left and people joined, all for the good cause of GISHWHES. The part of the wedding proposal Misha wisely kept to himself. The group stopped in Carlsbad for lunch where Misha’s team by car had set up a picnic area. The break didn’t take all that long and rather soon than later the actor and his following were back on the road. A few hours and a couple of stops later Misha arrived at the camping site he would stay at for the night. Sleeping in a tent wouldn’t be as comfortable as a good old hotel bed, but any form of rest and comfort was good enough after the walk from today.

And so the days went on. Waking up, eating, walking, more eating, more walking, more eating, sleeping. Repeat. It wasn’t until Misha entered his neighborhood in Los Angeles that he came back out of his trance. His mind had been high with focus, the endless roads eventually hypnotizing his thoughts, his feet marching of their own accord, automatic pilot on. Even though the sun had gone down, Misha found his way home down the dimly lit roads. He easily recognized his street by the horrendously ugly letter box of Mr. and Mrs. Miller. Oh and let’s not forget their neighbours obsession with garden statues. It was hard to miss those.

But the thoughts of the ugly mailbox and the creepy statues all disappeared when his eyes landed on your house. He was home, finally. Misha’s fingers slipped into the pocket of his jacket, tracing the outlines of a small velvet box. His feet marched through the front yard and up onto the little porch. He didn’t have the time to ring the bell, the door swinging open before him.

And there you were. All the pain and tiredness of his body was forgotten the moment the actor laid his eyes on you. Your smile beamed up at him and you threw yourself into his arms. “God I missed you,” Misha whispered into your neck, pressing kisses on your skin.

“I missed you too, baby,” you grinned as you pulled back. You shared an intimate kiss, standing in the doorway for what seemed like forever. “Let’s get you inside. C’mon.”

Misha intertwined your fingers and pulled you back to face him. You furrowed your eyebrows, silently questioning what was wrong. He took a deep breath before sinking down on one knee. He pulled the red box out from his jacket and looked back up at you, his beautiful girlfriend. You stood there with confusion in your eyes, tears already forming and the hand he wasn’t holding clasped in front of your mouth. And he hadn’t even uttered a single word yet.

“Y/N,” he started off his speech. “When I wake up, I know I’m gonna be the man who wakes up next to you. When I go out, I know I’m gonna be the man who goes along with you. If I get drunk, I know I’m gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you. And if I haver, I know I’m gonna be the man who’s havering to you.”

You were already shaking your head at his words, a fond smile tugging at your lips. He was quoting that damn song. Misha grinned up at you and chuckled out the next words. “When I'm working, I know I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you. And when the money, comes in for the work I do, I'll pass almost every penny on to you. When I'm lonely, well I know I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you. When I'm dreaming, I know I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you.”

The first tears had started rolling down your face and Misha gently wiped them away with his thumb. “When I come home, I know I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you. And if I grow old, well I know I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you.” You laughed as he took a deep breath, making him grin in return. He opened up the jewelry box, revealing a gorgeous ring. “Y/N, will you do me the honor of marrying me so I can do all those things I just rambled?” Even though Misha saw the pure happiness on your face, he couldn’t help but feel anxious as he waited for your answer.

“Yes,” you uttered. “Yes, I will.” Misha slid the ring on your finger and pulled you into his arms, kissing you passionately. “Now get in, you silly goose.” Misha snickered at the nickname as he stepped into the house and closed the door behind him. The both of you plopped down onto the couch and you cuddled up against your fiancé’s side.

“Misha,” you said, pulling back from him a little. “Did you seriously just quote 500 miles by the Proclaimers?”

Misha nodded sheepishly and you grinned in response, pressing your lips against his one more time. “If I hadn’t, the walk would have been kind of dumb and meaningless.” You shook your head at him as your fingers played with the little hairs at the nape of his neck.

“How far did you actually walk?” Misha replied with a simple 124 miles like it was nothing.

“I was thinking about walking circles around our house but that would have just been ridiculous,” he scoffed with a smirk.

You smile up at him, noticing the tired but excited look in your fiancé’s eyes. “We will walk the other extra miles together,” you promised him. “We’ve got a lifetime to do so.”

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[awesomesuperherowanted]

Dilaurentis-Fields Vacation

Here you go, a snippet of how I would envision a vacation would go with this family... "Okay? You got it buddy?" Grace ruffled his sandy brown hair. He looked up at her, "Yup." In one hand he held the bottom of her shirt, the other holding an ice cream cone that was melting fast. He slurped it, following his sister. They stood next to their moms, watching Lily across the pool. Ali and Em watched the two, what were they plotting. They followed their gaze, Lily was standing at the snack stand, everything looked fairly normal. Ali took a closer look at her daughter, she was staring intently at something, Lily turned suddenly, but not before she noticed the blush on her face. Ali's eyes lit up, but she dared not say anything in fear of embarrassing her. Lily wouldn't take lightly to teasing, it was one thing when they were home, but she had to remind herself that her daughters were 16. Having your family hang around you wasn't exactly the coolest thing when you were on vacation. Emily was about to ask Grace what she was up to, but Ali stopped her. She shook her head, motioning her to hold off. Ali followed Grace's line of sight, as her and her brother headed off towards the snack stand. Wayne straightened his shoulders and copied his sister's gait, he had become her mini me. They walked up behind Lily, if she hadn't been paying such close attention, Emily would have missed the slight exchange between Wayne and Grace. She nodded and he took off. Emily jumped up, Ali grabbed her hand and forced her to sit back down, "Just wait." Wayne ran up to a very good looking brunette, and fell right into her. His ice cream cone landing squarely on her legs, the vanilla slowly dripping to her feet, she squealed, her drink spilling to the floor. Wayne stopped and mumbled, tears in his eyes, "I sorry." He stood there staring up at her, Ali had to admit he was good. Lily came running up, napkins in hand, "I'm so sorry. Wayne are you okay?" She handed the girl the napkins while trying to collect her little brother. He hugged his sister's leg, "I sorry. I dint mean it." She looked down at him, "It's okay, where's.." before she could finish the sentence Grace came running up, "Hey buddy, you okay?" Lily flashed her an angry look, "Where were you?" Grace apologized again, she turned to the girl, "I'm really sorry," handing her more napkins, "Here, we can help." She turned, handing Lily some money, "Sorry about your drink, we will get you a new one." Lily just stood there, Grace hit her, "Right Lil?" Wayne grabbed Grace's shirt and stood staring at the girl, "It's okay, really," she said. Grace shook her head, "No, it's our fault, we will get you another one. What do you think Wayne?" He yelled in approval, "Yup." She nudged Lily once more, Wayne apologized again, "I sorry." She kneeled down and smiled at him, "It's okay, how about I buy you an ice cream later since you didn't get to eat that one?" He flashed her a smile, he was missing his front tooth, so it just made him even more adorable, he glanced at Grace for permission, she nodded, "Yah we can do that. Lil will get your drink and we can meet later for the ice cream." The girl stood and nodded, "Okay, if you're sure." Lily smiled, trying to hide the nerves, she chirped, "Oh yah, I mean, that sounds good." Grace nodded as she and Wayne backed up, "Once again, sorry about that." They headed off back to their moms, Grace grinning from ear to ear; her brother happily following alongside her. Emily watched in awe as she just witnessed two very young, but skilled pick up artists. Ali laughed, "Yah they were good," echoing Emily's thoughts. She shook her head, "How did she get Wayne to do that?" Emily sat in disbelief, when did they get so smooth? They came up, Wayne grabbed his juice box and sat in his moms lap. Ali looked down at her son, "Who taught you to do that?" Wayne pointed at Grace. Grace grinned, "Gimme five." She raised her hand, he swung his, making contact before falling back into his mom's lap. "You did good little bro." Grace glanced at Emily, her mom giving her a disapproving look, her voice got defensive, "What? First off, he takes after you, he can make the girls fall all over him, so blame yourself," She grabbed his chin, he flashed a smile, his brown eyes twinkling, "See? Who's gonna get mad at that? You expect me not to use that?" She smiled at her brother, "Second, Lily has been drooling over that girl since we got here." She rolled her eyes, "It has been 3 days and we leave soon, so she needed a little help. She's such a chicken when it comes to girls, she should take a lesson from our little brother." Grace sat next to Emily, handing her the sunblock, "Mom can you please put some on my back? Wayne and I are going swimming." Emily shook her head, "Uh no you are not." Grace pleaded, "Please? We are going to swim right here, and he has a life jacket." Emily looked at her, "And you?" "Seriously mom? It's like 4 feet deep." Ali looked down at the pool, sure enough, they were sitting right in front of the big, blue 4, she nodded in approval. Emily shot them a doubtful look, "Oh come on, you're like an Olympic swimmer and we are right in front of you. If anything you'll be staring at us the whole time, you'll get to us before we even have a chance to hold our breath." Emily couldn't argue with that. She glanced at her son, he was sitting, sipping his juice, enjoying his mom's attention. She remembered when the twins used to do that, and now here they were all grown up, picking up dates and taking care of each other. When did they get so old? Ali rubbed sunscreen on Wayne's face, he closed his eyes, not complaining. When she was done he lifted his arms, his mom continuing to lather it on his back, arms and legs. Once he was all covered he sat back down on his moms legs, waiting for his sister. Grace hugged her mom, it was quick, and flashed her a smile, "Thanks mom," she grabbed Wayne pulling the life jacket over his head. She walked to the edge of the pool, before her mom could say anything, she jumped in, Wayne followed. Emily was going to have a heart attack. She almost yelled Grace's name, they both broke the surface laughing Wayne yelling, "Again, again." Grace put him back up on the ledge and he proceeded to jump back into the pool, bobbing up and down like an apple and squealing the whole time. Emily could feel herself aging. She wanted to tell them to be careful but they were having so much fun. Ali walked over and sat at the edge of the pool, her legs dangling in the water, Wayne immediately paddled up to her. "Mommy swim." "Yah mom, swim with us," Grace shouted over as she practiced her floating. Ali answered, "I'm fine here, this way I can keep an eye on you both." Grace rolled her eyes, her moms were so over protective to the point of insanity, "Fine. At least you're kinda in the water with us." "Look mommy," Wayne was trying to copy his older sister, the life vest was making it hard for him to flip onto his back. Grace swam up to him and helped him out. His little legs flailing around, splashing water everywhere. Lily walked up to the chairs, a smile permanently fixed on her face, Emily hid her smirk, "Everything alright?" Lily gazed at her, "This has been the best vacation ever." She plopped down beside her mom watching the others in the water. Emily questioned, "Anything you'd like to share?" Lily couldn't help the enthusiasm, "The prettiest girl here just asked me to go snorkeling later." Emily turned to her, "You mean the brunette with the one piece?" Lily's eyes widened, "How did you? Were you spying on me?" Emily laughed, "Relax. It wasn't hard to see, you have been crushing on her since you got here. Also, you should thank your sister." Lily nodded, she knew she owed her big time. Sometimes she loved having a twin, "I know, I will. She wants to go to that geeky expo thing tomorrow with all the comics and stuff, I guess I can go with her." Emily laughed, "Wow you must really like this girl. I can't imagine you spending a whole day at fan expo." Lily threw her arms up, "I know, don't make me think of reasons not to go, geez." "Go where?" Grace grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her lanky frame. Emily responded, "Your sister has volunteered to accompany you and your brother to the fan expo tomorrow." Grace looked confused, "You hate that stuff." Lily shot her a hurt look, "But you love it. Besides you and Wayne are both going, I can't just want to hang out with you two?" Grace's eyes lit up, "No... you can't. The girl... you have a date don't you? That's why you're willing to go with us." Her eyes danced with unshed laughter. Lily tried to lie, "Wow, I love my siblings, why does there have to be a reason?" Grace laughed, "Because the last time we went you complained the whole time and then you swore you would never do it again." Lily shot her an impatient look, "Do you want me to go or not?" Grace laughed even harder, "Yes, but only if you admit you got a date out of all that... what? That wasn't easy you know, coaching a six year old in the art of deception." Ali and Wayne walked up behind her, Ali adding to what Grace had just said, "Yup, it's not, but it does help that charm and brains did not skip a generation." Before Lily could complain about their teasing, Emily interrupted, "Stop. Yes, she got a date with a stunning girl, let's leave it before she disowns us all." Grace giggled and punched her sister, "Way to go sis." Wayne walked over and punched his sister, "Yah." Lily grabbed ahold of her brother and proceeded to give him a noogie, he burst out giggling, "Stop. I joking Lily, joking." He rolled around laughing, gasping for air, begging her to stop but she knew he was having fun. Ali and Emily glanced at each other, originally when they decided to go on this vacation, they weren't sure if the three of them would get along. Their interests were so different at this age, they didn't know if there could be one destination that could suit all of them. Now looking at the three, they realized that would never be a problem. Ali grabbed Wayne and wrapped him in a towel, "How about we get some lunch so Lily won't be starving when she goes on her date." She winked at her daughter to emphasis the word date. Lily glared at her mom, Ali touched her cheek, "Oh honey relax, I'm just teasing, but you do need to eat." The five of them grabbed their stuff and headed back to their room.

[usm-analysis-headcannons]

My thoughts on: Spider-Man (2017)

Okay, so I just got through watching the new Spider-Man series on Disney XD’s Youtube page and considering how someone asked me about it I figured it was time for me to share my input on it thus far.

And my thoughts?

It’s a good start.

A rough one, as I can point out quite a number of problems that I had with it, but a good one nonetheless. I’m getting a lot of foreshadowing instances throughout this episode that I’m eager to see unfold and I’m really excited to see what’s gonna happen next in the series. It’s grabbed my attention and has left a positive impression on me.

But it’s FAR from perfect.

I understand that’s rich coming from a blog that analyzes Ultimate Spider-Man (the black sheep of the Spidey series) but even I’m willing to admit that USM isn’t the greatest thing since sliced bread. Plus, this is the first episode and usually, pilots aren’t the best but are mainly there to get the audience interested and set things up for future events. It’s a rare occasion that a person can find a downright perfect first episode, especially in a kids show, which is much harder to do since you can only get away with so little.

In fact, if I’m being totally honest and wanted to point out a good first episode, I would direct people to two shows that I worship on a daily basis. Those shows being Nickelodeon's animated series: Avatar: the Last Airbender (the original one, not The Legend of Korra) and the anime Attack on Titan (also known as Shingeki no Kyojin)

So without further ado, let’s take a look at Spider-Man 2017’s pilot.

I’ll start with the good stuff because there’s actually quite a lot of stuff that I did like.

First, I do like the art style of the series because it reminds me a lot of “Voltron: Legendary Defender”, and it has a bit more of an anime-esque feel to it (which if you hadn’t noticed from my Attack on Titan recommendation, yes, I am an avid anime fan). It’s a good start because it allows itself to be more distinct from USM’s art style and lets viewers tell the difference between the two. In some ways, it does look similar, but not enough to be confusing. (HOWEVER, I WOULD IMPLORE YOU TO KEEP THAT IN MIND FOR LATER)

Second, I do like a lot of the bonding moments that happen in this episode. Every conversation that Peter has with Harry, Ben, and Aunt May are done very well. I especially like the bonding moments done between Harry and Peter as you can tell that they are pretty close friends in this version. Plus, it’s nice to see a good memory of Peter with Ben that’s not a flashback and actually, involves them talking to one another. This gives the viewer a chance to actually see for themselves how close Peter and Ben were before Ben’s death, and it does feel very effective. (Side note: I kinda liked how the “with Great Power comes great responsibility speech was written in an equation. I actually thought that was kinda cute.)

Third, the way the Spider Sense in this version is utilized is actually pretty cool. You can actually see how Peter’s going to figure out the solutions to an issue, and it was a pretty neat callback to the “Amazing Spider-Man” film with Andrew Garfield where they did the exact same thing but in a different situation.

Vulture’s pretty cool with his design resembling the comics more, and I find it kind of ironic that he’s voiced by Josh Keaton who, if you don’t know, was the original voice of Peter Parker in “Spectacular Spider-Man”. Ironically, Keaton also voices Shiro from the current Voltron series that I mentioned earlier.

Finally, I found it a bit weird that Miles was mentioned in this episode but I still thought it was a pretty cool hint of foreshadowing on the writer's part. Plus it’s nice to see a female character, Liz Allen in this case, that isn’t Mary Jane for once in a Spider-Man series. Don’t get me wrong I love MJ but I do feel like having someone else in her place is a breath of fresh air. Also, I like that the male character is a reporter instead of it usually being the other way around. These are small things but they are pretty noteworthy in my opinion.

And now for my problems with the episode and, brace yourself, because there are quite a lot of them.

Let’s get to my biggest issue with the show, and it’s something that I know A LOT of people who hated USM are probably going to have, but here it is:

I thought that the character designs for “Ultimate Spider-Man” were better than the ones in this series.

Yeah… I said it.

Do I hate them? No....

...but I do feel like they’re a bit lazy and could’ve been better.

LEAGUES better.

Let’s start with Peter’s design because I have quite a few problems with his.

The main one being, it’s not original.

I mean, I understand that character designs can only go so far but this one I find to be particularly outrageous because all I see is Pidge from “Voltron”, without the glasses and with darker hair. Also, I’ll pour some salt in the wound by saying that I see a tinge of Ben Tennyson in there from the Ben 10 series. Heck, there are even a couple of aspects that they, in some ways, directly ripped off from Pidge’s character that I noticed a bit, and we’ll get to that in a minute.

But back to the designs, I’ll be honest in saying that I had higher hopes for this series when it came to how the characters looked and were drafted. I, in particular, had a major problem with Harry’s. His is the one that I find to be the most atrocious in my eyes and is the main reason why I’m about to throw a mini hissy fit.

Brace yourselves, because this my opinion on this topic:

When you’re designing a character, particularly one of, or THE main one, there has to be something in said design where a viewer can look at a picture of them and understand who they are or a bit about them. This is something that Ultimate Spider-Man excelled at, in my opinion, and this one really didn’t.

Let’s compare Harry in both versions.

Here’s Harry from “Ultimate Spider-Man”

Now for people who don’t know about the character, or Spider-Man in general can tell that he’s a rich kid. He’s got spiffy clothes, he’s handsome, and he’s got a suave haircut to match. Easily identifiable.

Now let’s look at Harry from the new Spider-Man series.

What can you tell me about him?

Nothing.

Nothing at ALL.

And now, allow me to pour some more salt in the wound and smear it by saying that his design is basically just Sam Alexander’s/Nova’s from USM with lighter skin.

That is a new level of lazy in my eyes.

Heck, there’s even a redheaded kid in the episode that looks like Harry Osborn, dresses like Harry Osborn, but isn’t Harry Osborn. By all means, he SHOULD be Harry because his design reflects his image.

I know they’re going for a more prestigious rival against Peter but it’s pretty distracting from a design level.  

So why am I rambling about this? Why have I wasted almost two pages worth of material on this ONE topic?

Simple.

Because the character designs are what got me INTO Ultimate Spider-Man.

As someone who was immensely tired of seeing the same old look from most cartoons like Star vs. The Forces of Evil, Regular Show, and even Steven Universe, not only were USM’s designs a breath of some much-needed air, but they were INTERESTING.

They had flare. They popped.

But why am I making such a fuss on Harry’s design? Well, when I first saw the show in the wee hours on a school morning, I ran across Season 1’s “Venom” episode and, what a surprise, it was the scene between Harry and Peter arguing in the hallway.

I was actually pretty shocked at the way that Harry looked and really liked his design, heck I thought he was really nice looking! (Give or take this was before I saw the way he looked in season 2 and loved his look even more than the former.)

So I can make the argument that HARRY was the reason I started watching the show in the first place, and it really irks me when I see how squandered his design in this new one turned out to be. But that’s not to say all of them were bad, in fact, I actually quite liked May’s design in this one just as much as her counterpart in USM, but the point still stands.

Anyway, rant over, moving along…

What else didn’t I like?

Well similar to USM I thought some of the dialogue, specifically with Peter, could’ve been cut out mainly when it came to his scientific talk. I know they’re trying to make him sound all smart and whatever but it gets a little overbearing and, dare I say it, is a little too similar to Pidge from Voltron.

I know I keep going on about Pidge and whatnot, but I’m sorry, the similarities are too noticeable. Heck, they even do the whole, “I’m going to lecture on everything I’m about to do instead of letting the audience figure it out for themselves” type of deal. It can work if you want to set up the stakes of what the character is up against but it gets really distracting if used too frequently. Also, the whole “popping and dropping” line from Vulture was a little weird and I hated that he was defeated so easily. However, I give it a bit of a pass considering the episode’s main focus was on characterization and USM had the same problem in the past.

(*Shakes fist at Disney XD for their over abundance in commercials*).

The animation, for the most part, is a pretty mixed bag as sometimes it looks pretty good and sometimes it looks like it needed a bit more polish to it. I kinda have mixed feelings about the non-shading approach that the series is going for as it makes the animation feel a bit flat but I suppose it’s something I have to get used to.

So overall, what are my thoughts?

Again, while I ranted on about the designs and some other aspects, I do think it’s a good start and heading in the right direction. Is it perfect? No, but it has a lot of potential, and I’m really eager to see how this story unfolds.

Overall I’d give it a 7/10 on a 1 to 10 scale (1 being horrible and 10 being perfect).

If you guys haven’t seen it yet, you can watch the first episode here on Disney XD’s Youtube Page and let me know what you guys think of it so far!

[howtobeaconartist]

I currently run a webcomic and don't have lots of regular readers at this time. However, my designs can stand alone without any context- they're very cutesy and I feel like they're merchable. I got invited by a friend to split a table at a local con very early next year- it would be my first con ever. I've been thinking of pulling the merch-trigger, but now I have a reason- should I do it? I'm thinking of doing charms, stickers, and buttons featuring my characters, and mini prints.

Kiriska: If you want to do it, do it.

I’m always 100% for people creating things they wanna create just because they want to create it – but this must always come with the understanding that it’s perfectly possible that no one else wants that thing. 

This is even true if your primary motivation for the thing is financial. Like, maybe you already have an understanding that not everyone is gonna like your webcomic, but you feel that despite this, your characters are cute and “merchable” and maybe they can appeal to an audience who doesn’t necessarily know about or care about your webcomic. Maybe this will be true! Maybe it will entice people to ask about or check out the comic! Maybe it won’t.

Sometimes you make something great and it doesn’t take off even though you think it might for x and y reason – and that sucks, but then at least you can say you did it, and then you can take what you learned from that experience to tweak the thing based on various factors. (Maybe they need to be more cute; maybe they need to be less cute, idk; you can’t get feedback on a thing before you create it.)

And as always, go in knowing that creating anything with the intent to sell is a financial risk. You might make the money back. You might not.

So! As long as you can accept 1) you might not sell the thing, and 2) you might not make back what you spend on the thing – go for it, absolutely.

Nattosoup:  Hey fellow comic buddy!  I’ve been doing this with 7″Kara and Kara merch for years!

Here’re some photos of my adorable wooden charms, all of which are original characters, and quite a few feature Kara. 

Here’s a link to my physical comic- I launched as a print comic in 2014, and have recently launched as a webcomic this year!  Having a print comic at cons can really help sell other merch- and I offer a buy a book, get a free wooden charm deal.  At some shows, 7″ Kara Vol 1 sells really well, at others, not so much.  When it comes to selling original content, you’re going to have to ramp up your charm and engagement levels- customers are taking a risk with an unknown property.

Here’re a few examples of the Kara mini prints I offer.  I also offer fanart min prints, but the Kara minis do well also!  Mini prints are so affordable, I can experiment with style and variety, and throw in a few free with commissions.

I also sell original watercolor pieces- both fanart and original concept.  Although these don’t always move, I can charge more for them and they help sell the notion that I am a traditional media artist.

All of my branding is Kara related- from my laminated price signs to my banners, and I feel like this also helps with Kara merch sales.  It makes it clear what my focus is, and presents an opportunity for customers to ask questions.  Some artists find it helps to cosplay as one of their characters.  I already get enough questions about whether Kara is supposed to be me (nope), so I don’t want to add to the confusion.

To help sell books, I have a huge portfolio full of my original watercolor (!) comic pages out.  This really helps draw in new customers.  You could do something similar perhaps with printed pages from your webcomic- especially if you don’t have a print book out.  Something physical for people to flip through presents a tangible memory.

For more table and setup inspiration, check out my convention portfolio!

A few things to keep in mind:

Having some fanart at your table, especially fanart for series you enjoy, will bring people who might not otherwise check out your work over to the table.  Fanart tends to be bright and eyecatching, and has a general appeal, and I’ve had a lot of customers swing by for the fanart and stay for the comic.

Selling original content is hard- you’re more invested in it emotionally.  Try not to take slow sales personally- it’s hard to get people to try new things.

You represent your work- the work will not sell itself.  Go out of your way to make sure your table design is appealing and inviting.

Consider offering other things in addition to comic merch.