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#we are all probably mentally unstable
indigodawns · 6 months
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yardsards · 1 year
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i never expected it, but as i get older i'm actually starting to find children really adorable, whereas i often just found them annoying when i was younger. it's fucking wild
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Am I doing better because I'm back to reading angst and crying?
Or
Am I doing worse because I'm back to reading angst and crying?
Who knows!
Certainly not me.
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autisticlee · 10 months
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thinking about how much depression and anxiety I had around school until my senior year when I discovered social media and could use the internet regularly (aka tumblr) and how my depression and anxiety got so much better and I arguably did better my senior year than all previous years at school. I had an escape to go to where I finally had a few friends to confide in and laugh with. also learned about gender and autism and other stuff about myself and was able to realize i'm not a weird freak who is alone in the world and there's others like me. it was either use that as an escape or keep sitting outside every day after school, even in the rain and cold, with my tiny radio listening to shitty repetitive music the radio stations played or my cd player and listening to the copy of mcr black parade a girl at school gave me, and strew in my depression alone, crying and wanting to die. what part of my mental health was CAUSED by social media if I didn't have social media when I was at my worst lmao
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rizz-penguin · 1 year
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I derw the jhnos
(I drew the johns)
Aren't they so silly
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champagnesupernoel · 3 months
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Such big changes happening so fast
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cats-in-the-clouds · 4 months
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my sister got engaged and we’re all really happy for her but my bitter rain cloud of a dad (who naturally she told last) is giving her a bit of passive aggressive grief about it despite her boyfriend being like the best man of our generation (presumably either because he’s not catholic or because my dad sees them as young dumb unemployed people who aren’t ready for marriage or because he’s mad he barely has any real love with his own wife or something). so like pray for us? i wish i knew what to do
#if my dad had any brain cells or observational skills whatsoever#he’d realize that in terms of our faith the problem is not the boyfriend. that guy is brilliant and open minded and would probably ace RCIA#the problem is my sister. who is catholic in name but it’s clear to me how hard she’s fallen away from the faith#but like my dad has created such a bitter home environment we never have meaningful conversations with him#so like he doesn’t know *anything* about our inner lives#all he sees is labels. all he judges people by is labels#literally you can still get married in the church to a non catholic it’s just a matter of expecting them to convert eventually#and promising to still live according to the principles of the church and raising your children as such#but my parents are absolute fools if they think that’s the issue. if my sister was true in her faith her bf would have converted already#i am sure of it. the guy is smart he just needs to be guided the right way#evidently my parents don’t realize that about him either#if my dad could become a decent parent for once and stop trying to drive his kids away from the faith by only cherrypicking the parts of it#that intersected with republican/conservative boomerisms#ugh. if he was a virtuous father she’d be a virtuous daughter and therefore all her friends and loved ones would be virtuous as well#should i blame my dad for all our family problems? no.. not rightfully……#but like. the impact a father has on one’s life cannot be understated#ugh i’ve had the sense for a while that God wants me to be the one to fix this family#because looking around it doesn’t look like anyone else is gonna do it#but that’s such a daunting task… especially alone… i don’t have any true friends (ie who share both my faith and life experiences)#and like. it’s really hard to try to assume the role of a teacher or counselor when someone is older than you#or uh. in a position of direct power over you for that matter. esp when clearly deeply mentally ill#the concept of trying to essentially parent my own parent while i myself am miserable and unstable#esp when he is the primary cause of that#just. ughhhhh it’s such a vicious circle#like i’ll do this if i have to i’ll undertake that daunting mission but i have to be so careful and really sort myself out first#or for that matter if i were to volunteer to like. catechize my sister’s boyfriend (heaven knows she couldn’t do it)#i’d have to really study my stuff bc i think the intellect is the only real appeal here#like i said tho his conversion can probably never really happen as long as my sister remains the way she is#what i know is that the first step is fixing myself. i have to be a pillar of virtue if i wanna stand as any sort of authority on the faith#problem is i suck and shouldn’t be regarded as a role model for anything. i have the knowledge down but that alone won’t fix me
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sleeperagentclone · 7 months
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I am too socially inept to deal with all the weird people my dad has collected over the years
#Like no my dad is not here right now because come back when he is#The old people who seem like they did too many drugs in the 70s/80s are more annoying#But like he'll set up a precedent of buying shit from homeless guys because “maybe they'll have something good someday”#And he'll just give them money which is all well and good (if I ever donate money to anything or give change to anyone I've been scammed)#But then he expects me (5'1 teenage girl looking ass) to refuse to give them money when he cuts them off#Like he is 65+ and over 6 feet tall I AM NOT#And like telling people who are seemingly unstable that you can't give them money and that no only the owner buys things and no you can't#Leave a pile of junk for him to look at later and no I can't give you any money over and over is fucking scary!#I am for sure speaking from a place of privilege because I would probably just be dead if not for my support network#I could very easily be on the other side of this I'm not fucking stable I can't hold down a real job#But I am just not equipped to be having these interactions and honestly I shouldn't be having them anyway#He keeps pretty regular hours and answers his phone so I don't understand why people are always looking for him when I'm here#I will say the homeless guys he buys from have gotten a lot better about coming in when he's actually here#And one of them Chris is perfectly nice he's a great artist but he also smells bad and is visiblely dirty sometimes and that sets off my ocd#and also makes me feel like a really shitty person for 'judging' him when I know that he doesn't have stable access to a shower#When I'm actually just suffering from my mental illness and that can also trigger the intrusive thought side of the ocd#Where I get stuck in a loop of thinking I'm a terrible person#And also I just feel bad not giving him money#And like we sell his art in the store but people rarely buy it which is annoying because it's pretty fucking sick
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shout out to the people who were not gifted kids and not a pleasure to have in class. this post is for you all. you're still valid, you can still be neuro-diverse and still be mentally ill. personally, i was a displeasure to have in class. i had such a hard time focusing and distracted everything and everyone around me that teachers desperately wanted to get rid of me. i deserve a gold star.
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tossawary · 9 months
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I think, on some level, that Shen Yuan is like enrichment for Airplane Bro's enclosure. I think Airplane Bro kind of fucking LOVES having this guy around. Like, I do think their relationship is nuanced, weird and full of contradictions and not always good for them, but I also think that some chaotic part of Shang Qinghua honestly likes having his #1 hater weirdo running around completely fucking up his world.
Shen Qingqiu, grabbing Shang Qinghua by the shoulders: "Why didn't anyone TELL ME that Binghe is GAY NOW?! I'm going to die because of MONSTER DICK?!?!?!"
Shang Qinghua: (internally, probably only half-consciously) "Incredible. Amazing. How did I live without you? You torture me with your bullshit. You complete me in every possible way. I think we might be soulmates and we should make out about it. I hate you. I love you. You mean nothing to me and everything to me. This isn't your story and you stole it from me. I wrote this for you without even knowing you existed. You are a fascinating mystery that I will never solve. I will throw you under the bus at the first opportunity and yet I can't stop risking my life to help you. Your stupid game of gay murder chicken with my emotionally and mentally unstable protagonist is going to destroy the world and kill us all and I've never felt more alive. You have changed me as a person. Let's do this forever."
Shang Qinghua: (out loud) "Lol, sucks to be you, bro. At least you can get laid."
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flaggersribs · 1 year
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The thing is I don't dye my hair colourful, wear stripy socks, do creative makeup because it's how I feel, i do all this because I'm so colourless and dead on the inside that I make my outside appearance seem colourful and fun to contradict the greying decay that lies on the inside
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cloakedsparrow · 5 months
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Red Hood climbs up onto a roof with the intention of watching some drug smugglers below, only to find Robin, crouched in the perfect hiding space Jason had noticed. The boy is eating fries from a curled down Batburgers bag and sipping a Riddler Shake.
Jason: What are you doing here, Boy Wonder?
Tim: Probably the same thing you are. Spying on criminals.
Jason: ...
Tim: Want some fries? They're Jokerized, just to warn you.
Jason: Why?
Tim: Kon-El got some to try the last time he sneaked into Gotham and it turns out they're really good.
Jason: No, why would you offer me fries?
Tim: I have enough to share and I can always buy more?
Jason: Why are you being nice to me?
Tim: I'm offering fries, not a kidney. Why wouldn't I?
Jason: Because of the knife to the throat or, you know, that time I beat you within an inch of your life?
Tim: ...
Jason: ...
Tim: What the fuck was your time as Robin like?
Jason: The fuck?
Tim: A mentally unstable individual violently attacked me because he was scared or mad at Batman. That's like a bi-monthly occurrence for me, minimum. At least you were really insane and want to get better now-
Jason: I never said I wanted to stop killing.
Tim: I said get better. You want to be in control of yourself instead of being all Lazarus crazy, right?
Jason: Yes. But that doesn't mean I won't kill.
Tim: That's still wanting to get better. You think half the rouges who rotate through Arkham are actually trying to get better by even that much?
Jason: No.
Tim: Me, either. So that makes you an improvement over the usual. Plus, you know, the trauma from being murdered and all.
Jason: That's not an excuse to attack a kid.
Tim: No, but it's an explanation, which, again, is better than the usual. And you're showing signs of genuine remorse. That's huge around here. How often do we get that?
Jason: Anyone ever tell you your standards are kinda fucked up?
Tim: They'd have to pay closer attention for that.
Jason: Fucking what?
Tim: Doesn't matter. It's not like you're going to talk to anyone and even if you did, who'd believe you?
Jason: ...
Tim: So, you want some fries?
Jason: Yeah, sure.
Jason: These are good.
Tim: Right?
Jason: Is this nori?
Tim: Uh-huh; with paprika, kosher salt, and msg. I think there might be something else in there, but I haven't been able to place it.
Jason: Potato starch.
Tim: Oh, that makes sense.
Jason: I am definitely Jokerizing my fries from now on.
Tim: Try them with the Riddler Shake, too. The mint really compliments them.
Jason: I'll do that.
Tim: Wait. Doesn't that guy work for Black Mask?
Jason: Yes, he does.
Tim: So...want to pull a World's Finest?
Jason: A what?
Tim: You know, a team-up?
Jason: You-? Fucking- You know what? Sure. Let's pull a World's Finest. *under his breath* Little freak.
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tangerine-brooks · 5 months
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I've seen many posts that were like "💕what it would be like to date [insert a tsh character]💕" with cute romantic stuff and i was like GIRL NO, so that's what it would actually be like to date the secret history characters:
Charles: is drunk 24/7, throws stuff at you, hits you, disappears without explanation to be found in a hospital three days later, secretly fucks his twin sister
Richard: stalks and idealizes you even before your first conversation, then lies to you constantly about literally everything to make himself seem cool, never tells you anything about himself, gatekeeps, gazlights, fantasizes about hitting and raping you, doesn't care to know you, obsesses over you after a breakup for years
Francis: is gay and only dates you as a cover-up for being gay (for gays: doesn't know what consent is at all, kisses you and then tells you he doesn't feel anything for you, probably only wants a one-night stand, wakes you up at 2 a.m., because he just had an anxiety attack)
Henry: forces you to join a cult, never talks about feelings, never tells you anything about himself, suspiciously often talks about murder, then kills himself in front of you, mentally scarring you for the rest of your life
Bunny: is sexist, racist, homophobe, mentally unstable, doesn't have a job, insults you on purpose, spends all your money, reads your diary without permission, throws tantrums, steals from you, then dies under mysterious circumstances
Camilla: cheats on you with her twin brother, and we know nothing about her personality besides that thanks to richard who was so in love with her that he never saw her as a human being instead of a highly idealized pretty picture
Everyone: are high and/or drunk most of the time, are in a cult, do kill people
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Type Of Boyfriend They Are
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Karasuno x Gender Neutral!Reader Headcanons
Warnings: Language. That's pretty much it.
Author's Note: I've been having a pretty heavy case of writer's block especially with a lot of things going on in my life right now. My mental health is a bit unstable, but I had this idea written down in my list of writing ideas and thought that it was so cute. I hope you all enjoy, and I'll probably make headcanons for the rest of the schools too!
Hope you all enjoy and I hope that you all are doing well <3
~Mod Shoyo <3
-Kageyama, Shoyo, Yamaguchi, Tsukishima, Daichi, Asahi, Sugawara, Tanaka, Noya
Kageyama Tobio:
He’s very stand-offish when the two of you first meet
“uh… can I help you?”
Once the two of you get to know each other though, you find out that he’s actually a closeted crackhead under that harsh exterior he has
After dating for a couple of months, he’s very comfortable with you and loves spending time with you
QUALITY TIME AND GIFT GIVING BOYFRIEND.
Whether you like volleyball or not, he’s asking you to help him practice, come to his games, come to his practice matches, he wants you to be there for EVERYTHING
If you manage to show your support by making him a sign or putting his number on your cheeks at one of his games??????
He definitely will deny it, but he absolutely adores it.
“You should do this more often, it was sweet.”
Shoyo teases you guys all the time and says that you’re the only one that brings out the rational side of Tobio
That will normally end with Shoyo getting hurt somehow, no matter how much you tell Kageyama to leave him alone
You still love him though <3
Hinata Shoyo:
OH MY GODDDDDDDDD
The absolute biggest ball of sunshine ever
Golden. Retriever. Boyfriend. 
He’s very heavy on physical touch and quality time
No matter what you’re doing, Shoyo always wants to be there just to see what you’re doing
“Ooh whatcha up to lovey?”
He’s like a lap dog. He will lay his head in your lap just so he can stare up at you while you’re doing whatever you’re doing
Whenever you show up to his games he gets SO NERVOUS???? Like his stomach issues multiply by a hundred because you’re literally in the stands to watch HIM.
In the end, he always tries his best because he wants you to be so proud of him and enjoy watching him play!!
Everyone on the team loves you, you’re literally the only person that can make Shoyo shut up for more than five minutes because he just LOVES to admire you and appreciate how perfect you are.
“You’re so gorgeous… we should like… kiss or something.”
He’s so affectionate it’s too cute.
Yamaguchi Tadashi:
Tadashi just loves when you’re being you.
He’s always sneaking glances at you and just thinking about how soft your features are and how lucky he is to have bagged someone like you.
GIFT GIVING. GIFT GIVING. GIFT GIVING.
“Hey love, I found this super cute keychain while I was at the store with Tsuki the other day and it reminded me of you!”
“I remember you saying that this was your favorite and they only had one left, so I had to get it before someone else that wasn’t you did!”
He’s just so thoughtful. He always remembers the little things.
The very first day you kissed him? He celebrates it every year by giving you a million smooches.
You only like one very specific flavor of ice cream? He will never ever give you a different flavor and goes to multiple stores if he has to when they don’t have it
He isn’t the biggest with PDA, but he will most definitely hold your hand and kiss your cheek, forehead, or your hand.
He just gets a little shy when he’s out in public with you, but only because he doesn’t want other people looking at you and thinking that they have a chance with you.
He’s so non-confrontational, but if push comes to shove, he’ll make sure that everyone knows you’re his.
He just loves you so much and he’s so glad that you’re his. Forever. <3
Kei Tsukishima:
HE’S SO SARCASTIC IT’S ANNOYING.
Likes to play this game in public where he acts like he isn’t your boyfriend
“Excuse me, do I know you?”
HE LITERALLY HELD HANDS WITH YOU WALKING INTO THE STORE?!?!??!
You can be sarcastic too, so he’s just glad that you can take jokes and rip on his teammates or randos in the street
This dude has such a killer resting bitch face when he notices people eyeing you.
Noya tested his luck flirting with you one time and, despite Noya being his upperclassman, Tsuki almost killed him with just one look
He secretly loves how much you fuss over him.
“Babe, your glasses are so DIRTY. Here let me clean them before you run into something,”
He literally stopped the habit of cleaning his lenses because you’ll just take them and clean them for him
He loves watching you fog the lenses up with your breath and wipe them with the microfiber cloth that came in his case
Even if you only look like a big blur of colors to him and you’re all blurry <3
Tanaka Ryuunosuke:
The most respectful yet horny boyfriend at the same time
“What the hell do you mean that guy cat called you?”
He says as his hand is resting on your ass, giving it an occasional squeeze from time to time.
Very overprotective, but not in an overbearing way
Despite how loud and chaotic he may be (especially when he’s with Noya) he always picks up on your small cues and knows when you’re uncomfy or feeling a little out of place
He loves to bring you up at all times
“You know that’s crazy, because my baby loves to eat meat buns and can easily smash like seven of them in one sitting. *sigh* I’m so in love.”
Daichi literally just told him what he ate for lunch today when Tanaka asked.
PDA is his JAM.
Always has a hand somewhere on you and loves how you just nuzzle into his touch whenever he’s with you
It’s everything he’s ever wanted in life and he’s so stoked that he finally has it
His favorite place is your ass though. It’s easy access and it’s very soft and comfy in his palm
Nishinoya Yuu:
SOMEONE SEDATE HIM HE’S SO ENERGETIC
The type of boyfriend to annoy you and push your buttons all day and then just lay a million kisses all over your face at the end of the day as he tells you how much he loves you
He’s so hyped up to do anything with you
He’s definitely the type to enjoy running errands with you because he pretends that you’re married already and that these errands are just married couple tingz
He loves to embarrass you in public
Yall will be at a store while you’re just looking at clothes and trying to find some new outfits before he starts yelling as loud as he can so that people from five aisles down can hear him
“OH MY GOD YOU CAN’T STEAL THAT SHIRT BABE, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!”
You literally walk away and act like you don’t know him for the rest of the day
Nonetheless, he’s so appreciative of you and makes sure you know how much he loves you
The second that you first announced to the team that you were dating, you could’ve sworn you saw tears of joy falling from Kiyoko’s eyes
You keep him grounded and always help bring him out of the dark places his mind goes to when he messes up during games
Hearing you tell him how good of a libero he is and how amazing he is always snaps him out of things. He’d be a wreck without you
Daichi Sawamura:
The most caring boyfriend ever literally what the fuck-
He worries about your well-being all the time and isn’t afraid to show how much he cares about you no matter where you guys are
Sure, he’ll scold you for being clumsy and tripping in the gym, but also?
“Why the hell did they wax the floors before we started practicing? We’re just gonna dirty them again anyways?”
He’s such a passionate lover
“Hey, you look like you’ve got a lot on your mind. What can I do to fix that?”
SO MATURE IN A RELATIONSHIP.
He’s so good with communicating his feelings to you and wants you to know whatever’s going on with him and reassure you no matter what
Absolutely adores pressing kisses to your temples. He loves how you just stare into his eyes with the biggest smile ever and can see your pupils shift into hearts every time he does it
The two of you just make so much sense being together? Match made in heaven type of shit
His very older brother/dad morals have rubbed off on you and now you’re yelling at the boys the same way that he does. 
He always whispers to Suga or Asahi about how proud he is of you while watching you scold someone for being immature 
Asahi Azumane:
The literal definition of Cottage Core
When you hung out with him at his house for the first time, he had so many succulents and well-cared for plants
He’s so soft, he just loves you so much
He loves when you give him scalp massages after taking his bun down
Whenever you go to his house after practice, he’ll shower and have you wash his hair for him because he can’t relieve the tension he feels on his head like you do
He writes you love letters and leaves them in such random places for you to find
“Hey honey, did you leave a letter in my bento box? When I opened it, it had a little bit of curry sauce on it.”
He just blushes and giggles slightly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.
Loves to call you the cringiest/cutest pet names ever.
Honey pie, sweetums, sugar plum…
You giggle every time he says it out loud because his teammates can’t help but make fun of him whenever they hear it
They’re so cringe coming out of anyone else’s mouth. Not his though <3
Sugawara Koushi:
You will never ever catch Suga smelling bad.
Even after practice, you can’t smell that musty stench of sweat on him because it’s masked by all the deodorant he puts on.
MOST DEFINITELY smells like a bath and body works scent. It changes depending on the season and he loves smelling good according to the season
“Suga, is that… champagne toast?”
You bet your sweet ass it is.
Suga gives the most heartfelt and warm hugs in the world, it’s like hugging a warm blanket.
He’s so loving and it shows in all of his words and actions.
“Aww darling, let me wipe your nose. I told you it was going to be cold and to wear a thicker sweater when we talked on the phone this morning,”
When he says stuff like that his face is literally just >:(
His kisses are so soft. He loves to kiss your nose because of the way it scrunches up after his lips leave
“Do you not like my kisses?” Smooch. “Is that what you’re trying to tell me?” Mwuah. “I won’t stop until you accept my kisses.”
You just keep scrunching it because you love when he kisses you. He knows that, he just loves to make it a little fake argument between you two <3
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hectorthedoggo · 3 months
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I will put this in ao3 and edit when i have the means to. but. @kani-miso it's 0009 sibs i thought of you and decided to make this 🎀🎀
UPDATE I ACIDENTALLY DELETED THE TAB WITH MY EDITS AO3 is going to kill me
“Alright. Milgram's up.” The creature stayed. Es stayed frozen from where they were sitting on the couch. Oh God. What's the consequences of my verdicts?
Wait. Up? This is Trial 2?
They disregarded that. It must be a mistake.
If these verdicts even are mine, I can’t tell. I've been dreading this. I'm scared. They clutched their arms, trying to gain some warmth, some friction, for what was to happen next.
Jackalope narrowed his eyes at them. “A nervous one, aren't you now. Anyways, so since the administrators decided that you were too unstable, you'll go free. Congrats.
Oh yeah, and the verdicts didn't really have consequences, it was just a little social experiment. It doesn't matter. Good luck surviving in the real world!”
What. What the heck is he talking about? “Wha- What do you mean- Who's the admin- wah!”
They felt a pulling sensation, and suddenly, they were standing in a Walmart™ parking lot. The only other person nearby was Mikoto Kayano.
But, nobody was dead. He was in his original clothes, but. Wait, where are we? What's this big sign that says ‘Walmart’?
What is a Walmart, and where the hell did Milgram go?
They also had a little pack with them, and upon opening it, there was a little message printed out. Nothing else.
‘mikoto is your legal sibling btw. gl lmao be glad I even gave you this note ur probably my favorite warden - Jackalope (professional child neglecter)’
At least the pack looked cool looked cool…
Es was about to have a mental breakdown. Why did Milgram leave me like this? Is this what I am to them?
“Woah, what happened?” Mikoto wondered, “Hey, Es. Did you do this? Is Milgram over? Did they identify it to be a mistake?”
They started shaking. They threw me out like garbage. I…
“Es?”
They sniffled at the situation. I’m… garbage. Because, as my usual logic says, I am what Milgram deems me to be.
“I- I have no idea…” they extended the last vowel to emphasize how little idea they had.
They threw the note on the ground --- or at least tried to, it just flew away, right into Mikoto’s hands ---, and started to sob.
The tables had turned. Mikoto looked like he knew why he was here, Es didn’t (nande boku ga koko ni iruyo). It was genetic.
Meanwhile, Mikoto had gotten the note, and he read it. “Wh- huh?”
He stared over at Es. “Es, this is a mistake, right?”
“That is the least of my worries right now, pudding boy!” they snapped at him, instead channeling their sadness into aggression.
He completely disregarded their feelings, to the point where he might not have even heard them. “Right… my mom did mention that our father got remarried. Wah, Suu! You’re my little sib!”
He went up to their grieving form, and gave them a little fistbump, lifting up their unwilling arm to do so. Why did he do that? Last time we touched, John was beating the shit out of me.
A random car pulled up into the Walmart™ parking lot, and the window unrolled. 
It was a woman with brownish hair, who looked like Mikoto. “Oh, you’re the other sibling that your father was talking about. You two can just get in the back in the car, your sister’s taking shotgun. Nice to meet you!”
Why the fuck does Mikoto’s sister have a shotgun? Are they all like this?
Mikoto followed in with them, and buckled in. Es had no idea what was going on.
They could not find the seatbelt, too busy processing the upheaval of their life in the past 5 minutes.
“Yo, sib. The seatbelt’s over there.” Mikoto smiled and gave a thumbs up, like a reliable older brother. “I saw it.” I did not see it.
They touched it, and got stung by the heat. Their, wait, no, Mikoto’s sister turned back at their sound of pain, turning off her phone. “Ah, yeah. It’s summer, don’t touch it.”
They scowled, forgetting their dread in the face of the overheated car seatbelt.
The car chimed, and the keys jingled. “Alright, folks! You two seem pretty tired from wherever the heck you disappeared to. Would you wanna go home, or get some ice cream?”
The sister turned around, and smiled a little wide. “My dear siblings, do you know the answer? There is a correct one.”
Es scowled. “What the fuck is an ice cream. Why is the cream ice?”
“Are you serious?” She scrutinized their face, finding the truth, “Step on it, Ma.” She went back to her phone, probably texting her friends about this weird kid in a warden outfit that was apparently her sibling now.
Mikoto looked over at Es and shrugged, like a comical cartoon character. Like a ‘what can you do?’.
I won’t allow these insolent- wait, these aren’t prisoners. Unless the sister girl did something with that shotgun of hers. It would run in the family, I guess.
Wait, that would mean that I’m also violent. Nevermind.
The 11th cell came to mind, and they dismissed it. Wrong kinda fic, buddy. We staying fluff here.
“So, Mikoto. And, what’s your name?”
“Es. I think?”
The woman put on her strict mother voice. “... okay. Mikoto and Es. What was so important that you had to completely disappear for like a years. No note! Job gone! You could’ve died, for all I knew! Es, sweetie, I’m sure it was Mikoto’s fault. He’s such a bad influence.”
Es raised their hand to ask a question, slightly flustered from the pet name. She indicated that they could speak.
They decided to just reveal it all. “Um, Mikoto committed murder… eh, Mikoto, he has DID and was stressed from his job, hence the murder. And I was the warden of the prison that held him and 9 others.”
Mikoto lost all of his composure at all of his darkest secrets being revealed, the dramatic guy he was. “What… Es, don’t… I… that’s not… I don’t have DID? I was doing… I was doing just…”
He seemed a little overwhelmed at the prospect of having to unpack all of the luggage that Es laid out, so another guy came out. “I am not straight. Oh- sorry, hi, I’m John. I’m the guy who totally committed the murder 100% trust guys c’mon vote mikoto innocent 2024-”
I already had to deal with that yapping last interrogation. Es shut him up with their hand. He waved it away. “If you’re gonna say that shit about Mikoto, Es hasn’t been going to bed at a healthy time or eating healthy.”
They were betrayed at his reveal. “I can’t believe you.”
“We’re going to fix that, Es. You’re going to get the regular kid treatment.” The mother nodded, eyes steeling. Oh no, not the normal teen treatment!
John had some other stuff going on behind there. Maybe Mikoto’s cheesiness had rubbed off on him. “As soon as we get out of this car I’m giving you a hug.”
“Is that a threat?”
“Yes.”
Speaking of unwarranted physical contact. “Oh yeah, mo- Mikoto’s mother, um… John beat me up in Trial 1.”
“SNITCH?!”
“What’cha gonna do about it?”
“Give you another hug.” He deviously grinned, knowing that wasn’t the answer they expected or an answer they liked.
“I won’t allow it.” But, they weren’t the warden anymore. They couldn’t deflect affection as well as they used to.
The sister was unbothered by this discourse. Perhaps it hasn’t quite set in. “I guess I got two extra surprise siblings. Cool.”
-
When they got to the ice cream store after a prolonged amount of awkward silence, the moment the car doors opened, the chase was on.
Es nearly ran into oncoming traffic to escape any chance at being loved, as one does, but John grabbed them and lifted them up by their elbows, giving them a hug once they were out of the street.
“Jeez, you’re light. C’mon, we’re getting ice cream and you aren’t gonna kill yourself.”
“‘M not!” They kicked their legs to try and get the man off of them. But, they had about the strength of a 5 week old kitten compared to him, without the claws.
He plopped them down, Es seething about their lack of power they had here.
The sister turned off her phone, finally, and turned to Es. “Okay, I just wanna make sure. Were you joking earlier about not having ice cream before?”
“I’m the prison warden of Milgram, I don’t need-”
She interrupted them before they could start monologuing and crying about how Milgram didn’t exist anymore. “You’re getting Birthday Bash.”
“What- but it’s not my birthday?” It could be, for all I know, but she’s doesn’t have to know that.
“Ok, what is your birthday?” Dammit.
“Great question!” Es stared into space, tone full of sarcasm. Milgram never tells me shit.
“Mikoto or whoever the hell you are, do you know their birthday?”
“Nah.” John responded. “By the way, um, this kid was the one who named me John, because they thought it would be funny to be a know-it-all and reference some English name.”
She looked over at Es. “No offense, but you suck at naming. I think we were all thinking that.” We…
Es tried to defend their horrible naming skills. “What?! Who else was gonna name him?”
Mikoto’s mother decided to join in the conversation, but left after putting her two cents in. “Me. Or Mikoto, since he’s where John came from.”
John smirked. “See, Es! But the name has stuck, so you owe me.”
Es crossed their arms, huffing. “I don’t owe you anything. You beat me up that one time, so if anything, you owe me!”
He couldn’t exactly find a defense for that, so he took their hat off their head and held it as high as he could reach, exposing their hat hair. “Hey!”
They jumped to get it, but to no avail. They looked pathetic.
Meanwhile, Mikoto’s mother and sister had already gone in to order. Order, like what a judge says?
It’s all a law reference.
John grinned. “You're a silly little creature, Suu.”
“You're not Mikoto, stop that.” I do not like that weird ass nickname.
He put on an innocent face. “What do you mean? I'm Mikoto, and I love my company so much! Hahaha, I would never commit murder. This must be a mistake!”
Es was somewhat surprised. “That's stuff he actually said in his first trial, how did you get it so accurately?”
“I hear this guy's internal monologue.”
That’ll do it. “Ah.”
 He threw their hat into the air while they were distracted, and they stepped back in surprise. He caught it. “Nice hat.”
“Get away from-”
The rest of the family brought over ice cream, and Es was handed a mash of colors in theirs that seemed unnatural.
“Is this food?”
“Eat it.” John asserted.
They shrugged. If this is poison, at least I don't have to worry about Milgram and all that stuff.
Worst case scenario, it doesn't kill me and it tastes bad. I'm not sure what my best case scenario is. Dying? It tasting good? We’ll see.
They bit down on the food with aggression, and it tasted… amazing, other than the fact that it was cold.
“What the heck is this? In a good way?” They temporarily forgot about their slight suicidal ideation.
“Bro has never heard of the wonders of overly processed foods…” the sister commented, smirking.
Why is she calling me bro? Huh? If I question her, will she bring out the shotgun? I'm scared of her. She’s my older sister now, isn’t she…
To be honest, Kotoko was scarier. I’ll be fine.
She wasn’t addicted to her phone, though… wait, right. Kotoko kinda was.
They grinned, and momentarily forgot their troubles in the face of their action. I’m so much better than these people. This tastes good. Mmm… ice cream… I like it…
They did get a brain freeze, and brought their hand up to their forehead in pain.
They got their head patted by John, who had somehow consumed his (larger serving of) ice cream. “Do you want the rest of that?”
“Yes?” They answered.
He grabbed a spoon, and took a bite of their ice cream. “Wow, this tastes nice.”
Es disliked the younger sibling experience. “Give me my hat back. I didn’t forget about that.”
“No.” However, he made a mistake: it happened to be in grabbing range. They quickly snatched it, and grinned in pride.
But, while they were distracted with John, they forgot about their other older sibling, who took a sizable amount of their precious ice cream.
I just discovered ice cream. Will they stop stealing it?
-
They were next in a car, making sure to avoid the seatbelt this time. About ⅓ of their ice cream had been usurped, and they didn't have the strength to defend it.
But, it wasn’t that bad. These people are nice…
I… I guess this is my life now? It’s not that bad.
Finally, there were no catches to this fact.
They would have to buy new clothes, the warden outfit was scratchy.
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noxturnalpascal · 9 months
Text
Devotion 🖤 Masterlist
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Series Summary: When is it enough? When is it too much? When does Devotion become Obsession?
I. Stronger Together CH 1 CH 2 CH 3
II. Predator or Prey? CH 4 CH 5 CH 6 CH 7 CH 8
III. Path to the Future CH 9 CH 10 CH 11 CH 12
Epilogue Some Summer Sunday
Series Warnings: 18+ MDNI, canon-typical violence/death, death of clickers, guns, blood/injury, references to previous SAs (not described), Reader has low self worth & trauma, this group/cult is not feminist - women aren’t treated as equals, Joel has sexual relationships with other characters (not described in detail), possessiveness, manipulation, stalking/spying on, Joel gets mean, DubCon Oral, Joel gets abusive (verbally, mentally, physically (he hits, throws, and bites), thoughts of self-harm and suicide, talk of periods & pregnancy, unprotected PiV, oral sex (m & f receiving), come eating, DIRTY TALK, brief reference to breeding kink and creampie kink (but reader does NOT get pregnant in this story).
A/N: OBVIOUSLY this is canon-divergent, but it is post-outbreak. The events of outbreak day have not changed (sorry Sarah). Reader does have a developed background that plays heavily in her character arc, so in that sense she is very much an OC. Reader has a nickname and some minor physical descriptions.
LAYOUT OF JOEL'S HOUSE
AO3 LINK
MOODBOARD BY @strang3lov3 MOODBOARD BY @beefrobeefcal
*🖤*NOTES ABOUT THE CULT & JOEL BELOW*🖤*
ABOUT THE CULT
The Cult's Core Ideology
Build up a community (and supplies) to return to a thriving society that can keep people safe & find a cure.
The Cult Operates by its 3 Tenants:
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How Joel does it (what he "preaches")
I. Build Trust (We are Stronger Together)
Makes people feel beautiful, important, HEARD
Shares the wealth (food, shelter, women)
Seeks Power & Control to get others to help him
II. Us vs Them (The Predator Vs The Prey)
FEDRA is the enemy, do not trust them
Assimilate or Destroy all other people/groups
Attack them before they attack you
III. Gather & Prepare (Create a Path to the Future)
You can never have enough, always take take take take
The community you create now will determine future society (fair, honest, hardworking)
Once you are well-prepared and rebuild, you can work on finding a cure
🖤
Notes about Joel and the Cult:
He and Tess began this community together in 2010 after they met Bill and Frank and they felt that the QZ was becoming too dangerous and unstable. They settled in a small, remote town in the mountains of Vermont. Tess helps him "run" the community but she has a submissive role. (Their dynamic here is different from canon.) Tess has his respect probably more than anyone else does but she is not looked upon like an equal by anyone in the community.
Timeline/Ages:
This takes place in the fall of 2012, so It’s been 9 years since outbreak day. Joel is 45, my HC for Reader is Early 30's (Tess is 39/40). Reader's exact age isn't given, but she was in her early 20's on outbreak day and I wanted her to have experienced a fair taste of an adult life before the world ended. I didn't want to write the reader as inexperienced or with too large of an age-gap, although I think 11-14 years is still pretty significant. She has a history that plays a significant role in her personality (wary, untrusting). She has been hurt/abused by men - both those that took advantage of her when she was young, as well as by those that she trusted/loved. There are very few physical descriptions but she is very much an OC. Note that her age is not something that's explicitly mentioned because I did want to keep it inclusive. I hope everyone who wants to read this can use their imagination to fit themselves into the story in a meaningful way.🖤
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