#we’re actually surprised he’s made it to adulthood

[theodorecanaryhood]

The coffee shop guy & the Red Hood: part X

Jason Todd x Male! Reader

Arkhamverse Jason Todd

Warning: some language and sexual references.

Marriage was far from Jason’s mind when he first reached adulthood, marriage was never something Jason was aware of the would get.

Alas, here he is sitting with a silver band around his left ring finger. You smiling slightly opposite him as you saw the waiter coming with your food.

‘Babe, foods here’ you announced as Jason snapped out of his day dream.

Jason was day dreaming a lot lately, mostly about you. Jason never admitted that you were constantly on his mind, but he knew that you are aware.

Truth be told, Jason is on your mind all the time too.

‘Gosh, you remember my ex boyfriend Zach?’ You asked, Jason feeling venom in his eyes.

The shithead that was too worried about his pretty face getting ruined when you were held at gunpoint, Red Hood saved your life and changed it that night.

‘Y/n, his name is like nails on a chalk board’ Jason remarked, sarcastically.

You chuckled as Jason grabbed his fork, tucking into his dinner.

‘Well, he has a new boyfriend apparently. Both as snobby as each other’ you revealed, Jason shot an eyebrow up.

‘Surprised he could get his dick hard if I’m honest’ Jason whipped back, his words were quite harsh at times.

You never said anything as you knew it wasn’t directed at you, Jason spoke poorly of people he didn’t like. Jason is stubborn like that, if he doesn’t like you, no changing his mind.

There was a lot about Jason you grew to love over time, Jason was never vicious toward or about you. He just didn’t sugarcoat stuff and always spoke his mind.

The grocery trip was busy, you put it down to school holidays. Jason was his usual on this trip, disappearing down aisles from getting distracted.

‘Sir, please stop putting stuff in my cart’ Jason remarked to you, jokingly making out you didn’t know each other.

‘Is that a joke? This is my cart’ you replied as the older woman in the aisle watched.

‘You’re harassing me’ Jason joked again, you laughed as you nudged your glasses up your face.

Jason leant over and kissed you as the woman looked confused, you chuckled.

‘We’re married, Jason just likes to play pretend’ you commented.

It was usual Friday tasks as the night turned late, you slept deeply next to Jason as he snored away.

It was the dim early morning light when Jason woke up, it was a slight chill as Jason stirred awake. No reasoning behind it, but he smiled sleepily as he saw you.

Your bare back toward Jason as he moved closer to you, pecking the back of your neck as he ran his hand down your back.

The warmth of your skin made Jason tingle as he wrapped his arm around your waist, burying his face into your hair.

‘What time is it?’ You asked groggy as you barely opened your eyes.

‘Early, go back to sleep babe’ Jason whispered back, not sure if you were actually awake or not.

Dreams filled your sleeping head as you lay next to Jason, your breathing stayed relaxed, Jason fell back into a sweet sleep.

The shower filled your skin as you rubbed your face, your damp hair dripped water down your face and neck, Jason stood at the sink with his razor in his hand.

‘You ever thought of growing a beard?’ You asked Jason through the shower curtain.

Jason laughed a little, shedding his skin of stubble, thinking for a second about his answer.

‘Nope, maybe when I’ve got some grey hair to show off’ Jason replied.

You swung the shower curtain open as your towel tied around your waist. Your bare body on show as Jason almost dropped at the sight of you.

‘You look great without clothes you know’ Jason stared at you through the mirror.

‘So do you’ you winked as you kissed Jason’s back.

The day was filled with usual chaos of a Saturday, Jason had a few nights off to spend with his husband, so patrol was overdue.

Red Hood bombed down the streets of Gotham as he fought the criminals roaming the streets.

Usual ending for the night as Jason greeted the GCPD officers, standing at the cars with the lights flashing.

‘Nice upgrade’ an officer complimented as Red Hood thanked him.

Red Hood had a new helmet and an upgrade to his gear, a suggestion from you as you’d had your few brushes with criminals. You wanted to ensure that Jason was safe.

The days seemed a blur but as long as Jason was with you, he didn’t care much.

Jason held your hand with pride as the two of you walked through the City, your skin like Velcro to Jason’s, he couldn’t help but stick to it.

‘Shall we try here next date night?’ You asked as you pointed to the new Japanese restaurant that had opened.

‘Sure thing baby’ Jason agreed as he swung his arm a little, holding your hand in his.

The two of you ventured to the movie theatre, taking the escalator up to your floor, Jason barcoding you with his arms and body. Never failing to make you feel safe.

Seated next to each other for your movie screening, Jason wanted to see it in 3D but figured it wouldn’t be nice to make you watch something in a glasses over glasses situation.

‘Fuck, that was violent’ Jason commented once the credits rolled.

‘That main guy was hot though’ you replied, walking down the steps with Jason tailing behind you.

‘Nah, he isn’t my type, that Morgan guy was hot though’ Jason said as you gave him a weird look.

‘Really?’ You questioned as Jason smiled and nodded.

‘Not as hot as you y/n, you’re fucking gorgeous’ Jason sleazed as he slapped your butt.

‘All right stud’ you side smiled as Jason pulled you in for a kiss.

It was a deep, passionate kiss as Jason’s hands roamed. Yours did too as Jason slipped his tongue in your mouth.

‘Let’s get home first’ you panted as Jason sunk his teeth into your neck.

‘Shit, I’m gonna bust right here darling’ Jason whispered into your ear.

It was a nice journey home, Jason carried you in his back most of the way home. Playing the patient game, you knew Jason would destroy you the second the two of you got inside.

You were correct in thinking that, Jason didn’t give you a chance. He liked the door and threw you on the bed.

Candles lit the room dimly as the light music played in the background, a playlist Jason had for your bedroom activities.

Your hole was filled generously as Jason never stopped for a second to make the two of you feel good. Your hole filled with either Jason’s tongue, finger or manhood.

It was a night of love and raw passion, Jason make you feel things a man had never made you feel before.

Jason let you spill your seed that night plenty of times too, as well as fill you with his.

Jason’s heartbeat was soothing as you lay your head on his chest, Jason’s muscles held you in place. Your eyes drifting to a close as Jason continued listening to the light music in the background.

It was calming as Jason felt so happy to have you in his arms. All those times he stared at you in the coffee shop and now, you’re his. And he’s yours.

The room went dark as Jason blew the candles out, silence soon followed as he turned the music off. Sliding back into bed as he held you all night, a sleep well needed as Jason hummed slightly.

Satisfied from being emptied so many times as Jason kissed the top of your head, and you tucked your head a little more into Jason’s chest.

[starry-hughes]

for stars bday bash “ So… do you actually like me—“ “We have been together for seven years. We’re getting married. What the hell do you think?” with matt rempe

star’s birthday bash

-

matt and you had met at a young age. you would have followed him to the end of the world if he just asked. high school sweethearts and continuing your relationship into your adulthood.

at first, you didn’t like hartford but matt was there. sometimes, you missed seattle and things like your favorite restaurants and the weather when you were able to lay in bed with matt.

new york was different. the team got him and you set up with an apartment. it was weird, being in a completely new and big city. matt was excited and you were doing school work online while looking for a new job.

when the rangers clinched the playoffs to no one’s surprise, matt’s future was shining in front of him. everything he wanted was right there. and so were you.

on a whim, he bought a ring. it wasn’t too extravagant but it was something that he knew you would love. his teammate was nervous for him as he drove matt to the jeweler. “you sure you want to do this?”

“i can’t imagine life without her.”

he didn’t have a big plan. he remembers stories of how his dad asked his mom and he prayed silently that his dad was watching him take this step in life. a quick text to his family, “i’m asking her to marry me.” and a call from his mom who was ensuring it wasn’t a shotgun wedding.

it was simple, you were doing laundry, music blaring in the apartment and you had put some boxes out to the side that you knew you should finally get around to unpacking. “(y/n).”

matt dropped to his knee and stared up at you, his height made him not seem so close to the ground. “seriously?” your voice shook. “yeah.”

one thing matt had done before asking was get a bottle of champagne. the two of you popping it and acting like you had life all figured out as you both became tipsy on bubbles and you got used to the feeling of the ring on your finger.

in bed that night, matt had you tucked into his side, both of you lacking clothes and thinking that it was a dream or something. staring down at the ring, you couldn’t believe it. “so… do you actually like me—” “we have been together for seven years. we’re getting married. what the hell do you think?”

your heart jumped hearing matt confirm you were in fact getting married. that you were engaged. that he loves you. “say that again,” you asked him as you leaned in to kiss him. “we’re getting married.” he said.

[rinbowaman]

Hey! Its my first time sending an ask hehe~ I just wanted to say that you’re such an amazing writer and your series are just sooooo good!!! 😍😍😍 I started getting into your account when I came across the smau for MRE and HHP and I gotta say, you got me hooked so bad onto Heethan that I end up loving all your Hee-leads so far! I’m so invested in HHP, SE7EN, DT and now TO! I’m honestly so excited to read a new chapter everytime you post hahaha! 🤭🤭

The main reason I wanted to send you this is cuz I’ve been having super stressful and bad days these past few days and its mainly cuz its my final year in college, final semester and final week actually 😅 and there’s just like sooo many final preparations needed to be done for my big final year project (having my big presentation today! soooo nervous) and its just been too much and too overwhelming for me and I didn’t wanna bother anyone with my anxiousness so I’ve been keeping it all to myself and having slight panic attacks and just started having random breakdowns as I complete my assignments. Reading your series, whether its new chapters or just rereading older ones have given me comfort, like I really felt alone but its like Heethan, Heelel and the Heebros have become my comfort characters. It’s just been so overwhelming for me and I didn’t wanna bother my family with it, I only have one other friend that I trust with my whole life but rarely see her, we’re all busy and I just felt like I’m falling behind in everything. Even though the Hee-leads might be like crazy obsessed with the reader, its like I really needed them in my life just to have someone to drop everything just to hold and comfort me anytime life becomes too much for me. I’m actually crying while writing this to you hahaha… it just feels like everyone around me is moving so fast and I’m stuck at the back picking myself up just because I feel so overwhelmed and anxious easily. Turning 20 this year is another thing that has me feeling afraid of adulthood, my mum is pressuring me into getting a job immediately once I graduate but I just feel like I’m not ready, or I’m just not ready to give up my teenage freedom and socialise professionally. Being such an introvert and shy and always thinking I’m just dumb and cant do work without help has been holding me back from wanting to grow and enjoy this new chapter in life.

So sorry for this long ass rant but i just really needed to let you know how much your stories, your Hee-leads have been keeping me going. Excited for the next chapters of your series! Hope you’re having a great day❣️

Omg so....I LOVE THIS.....this is so heartwarming and thank you for sharing it with me. Also, thank you for discovering my blog so you can write this to me, bc as you may have figured, receiving asks are just....its so nice. its a nice and wonderful surprise to hear from readers interesting in my work, wanting to know more about the characters and so forth. I am just beyond touched that heethan, heelel, and heebrows have made their way into your heart and to provide you comfort. in fact, reading your message had reminded me of a piece that i had started to draft (it was originally supposed to be a part of one of the HHP chapters but i never went through with it) but i still had it in my folders so after i finished reading your message, I decided to go back and actually finish it and format it specifically for you as y/n. I hope you like it. <3

Heeseung's Message.....

MDNI18+ content below the line.

Warnings: mentions of losing loved ones, fears and worries about the future, smut, car smut, unprotected smut, some....just some sadness....its a very heartwarming and touching piece.

"What's wrong baby?"

Noting how silent you were in the car, right after he picked you up, Heeseung rubbed your thigh, gently shifting your skirt upwards as he softly slid his hand up and down, enveloping you with warmth and comfort. "Something on your mind pretty baby?"

Placing your hand on his, you grabbed hold semi-tightly, keeping your gaze out at the window. You were hesitant at first, noting that Heeseung had a busy schedule of his own, was on his way of finishing his last year in college, aiding his professors, and of course, there was you....picking you up from classes, dropping you off every morning, taking you wherever you needed to go. You appreciated it but the man had completely devoted his time to everything else, you felt it selfish to bring any matters up to him....feeling that whatever time he did have left within the evening, he should at least have it for himself.

"It's nothing." You sighed out.

Glancing over to you, he furrowed his brows and quickly shifted the wheel, stirring the car over to a nearby parking lot on one of the campus buildings.

"What are you....?" raising up in your seat, you looked around before turning your gaze over to Heeseung, who steered the wheel with one hand and in a smooth motion, parked the car. Unbuckling his seatbelt, his gaze meets with yours before he reaches up and places his hand behind your head, softly grabbing onto your hair as he leans in and rests his forehead against yours.

"Whats wrong? Did something happen? Did someone hurt you? I wanna know. Tell me, y/n."

His eyes were wide and his expression was fierce with rage, however, before he further ventured off into a spiraling path of unhinged presumptions, you reached up and latched your fingers onto his collar, placing a dainty kiss on his lips. "Its not that....I promise nothing like that happened."

Raising his brows and tilting his head, he releases the gentle grip he had on your hair, and replaced it with a soft, petting motion. "Then why are you being so quiet? You seem upset, what is it?"

Looking down at the console for just a second, you raise your sights once more to meet his and began talking.

".....Are you ever scared about the future, Heeseung?"

His face was taken slightly aback as he raised both brows and looked at you with an intent look.

"Is that what this is about? Are you feeling overwhelmed about moving?"

Shaking your head, you looked down once more as you shyly clarified. "Nooo.....its not just that....its more..."

"Like what baby?"

"Like....after the moving.....finishing college, being in an unfamiliar country, not knowing anybody, making new friends, meeting your family, being apart from mine, learning a new language, finding a job after college, and what if I have to do more college? Or ...." pausing, you caught yourself drifting in verbal thought.

"Or....?" He draws out as he bids you to finish your statement.

"Or........what if....what if something happens and we........you know.....what if we just...."

Squinting his eyes slightly, his expression looked a little irked as he rolled his tongue in his mouth. "That's never going to happen y/n. You know that."

"Yeah but....."

"But what?" Slightly annoyed, he closed his eyes for a second, tilted his chin down, and lifted his lids to expose a rather stern and rather angry look. Yet the moment he saw that your eyes began to glisten, shining like diamonds as the tears started to build up, you looked down once more, unable to look him square in the eye as you felt the first tear break free and drip down on the leather padding of the console.

Watching as you faintly sobbed, he nearly felt his heart break into two. He gasped out a faint breath as he reached over with his other hand and cupped your face, no longer expressing a look of annoyance.

"Hey......why? What's making you think that way? Am I not showing you enough love? You know whatever it is you want, all you have to do is tell me and I'll make it happen."

"Its not that i just........there's just some things we can't predict about the future Heeseung......what if some day......what if you stop loving me......or worse.....what if something happens and I no longer have you? What if....just.......you never know.....is it wrong for me to hope for the best, but expect the worse? Because...you know that life can be so unfair some times....and I....I....I'm scared because....I dont even know....what I'm scared of sometimes. I wake up every single morning not even knowing how to live life because there's so many things that I think about....so many things that are thrown at me all at once and I just.....I feel like sometimes......I might fail......I feel like sometimes.....I will let you down.......I feel like its not the world, its me.........its me that's broken, not you or anyone else."

You gasped out tears and soft cries as you spoke straight from the heart. For the first time, Heeseung had sincerely considered if going to Korea was the best option, at least just for a second before he reminded himself of the future that he had waiting for him.....a future that would allow him to continue to keep you....safe....and with him.

Shifting his sights around on the floor bed of the car, his thumbs stroke your cheeks, wiping away the continuous flow of tears that were now coming down harder than before. Gulping down a hard swallow, he turns back to face you.

"Baby.........look at me....please look at me."

Looking up into his gaze, your eyes red, swollen, with eyelashes drenched and your face stained with wet trails of all your fears leaving their mark. With a soft smile, he calmly speaks.

"You're right.....that is tough. There's a lot that we can't control in the future....its precarious, and we're literally just pawns on the board of this silly game called life, where God and the universe are taking turns making each move. It can be cruel, unfair, and tormenting. Its something that we can either overcome with great strife and hard work."

"But what happens if we work so hard and it.....it just doesnt work out? What if everything just falls apart Heeseung?"

"We wont know unless it happens y/n......the thing about the future, as much as we want it here in the present, so we can see and view what it has in store for us, thats....just not the way it works. That's not the way we work....we're not designed to know those things. We didn't become strong because we cheated, we became strong and survived because we, as humans, learned....the hard way."

Looking into his eyes, your vision started to become blurry all over as the next set of tears built up. Smiling as he continued to wipe your tears away, he continues.

"Y/n....for thousands of years, people have fallen, lost, and suffered at the creativity of the universe. Yet we never gave up......people had an urge to survive. Which is why at times, even when the entire world was on fire, times where a soldier never comes home, a woman loses her child, or when a doctor just doesnt have a cure.....we keep moving....we get back up and learn how to walk again. I can't sit here and tell you that I know that everything is going to be great.....I dont know. But what I do know.....is this...."

Shifting his hands down to your waist, he lifts you with his core strength as his abdominal muscles flexed under his shirt. Bringing you over onto his lap, he sat you down in a princess style as he cradled you against his chest.

"No matter what happens....I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there and I'm going to help you, just like you're going to help me. I'll never let anything happen to you....and.....you never have to worry about me not loving you .....noooooooo pretty baby......that's never going to happen, not loving you would be the worst offense against Heaven and humanity. As far as if anything were to happen to me...."

The moment Heeseung touched on that part of the subject, you sobbed uncontrollably against his neck.

"Heeeeeey, come on now. Nothing's even happen, why are you acting like that's a for sure thing?" he chuckles out as he kisses your forehead. "Listen..." Taking your hand in his, he continues.

"I'm not going anywhere......I'm not. I know this because I know what is living for me......you. I will never abandon you. Even if something did happen, you know i'm always going to be with you. You know how?"

Shaking your head, he brushes your hair away from your face.

"Moments like this baby. Every time we talk, touch, feel each other, love, eat, sleep, kiss, and when I fuck your brains out...." gripping onto your waist tightly, he presses his forehead against your own once more. "All the things we do, they never leave. So.......if there is ever a time where I am not physically here......you're always going to remember how i feel..." gliding his hand from your waist, he reaches down and gently trails it upwards under your skirt, his fingers reaching into your panties.

"You're going to remember my touch..." kissing your neck, he latches his mouth onto your soft spot under your ear, and rings the tip of his tongue around in slow circular motions.

"You're going to remember my scent...." with his free hand, he reaches behind your head and gently pushes your face inward, causing your nose to become burrowed in his thatch of dark long, shaggy hair, inhaling the scent of his cool-mint cologne and his shampoo.

"You'll also remember what I taste like...." placing a soft peck on the spot he was sucking on, he tilts his head up slightly and brings your head down to kiss him.

"And best of all......pretty baby.......you're going to remember what it feels like when I fuck you......when I love you." Shifting your body to face forward, your back completely spooned by his chest and groin as you both remained seated in the drivers side, he spreads your legs open by pushing our inner thighs apart. You were so caught up with the sensual four play, you hadn't realized that he tore off your panties. Unbuttoning your blouse, exposing your breasts, he shifts you up as he levels his length to align with your slit, before proceeding to enter inside you. Feeling full of his flesh, you moaned out as the overwhelming sense of pleasure hits you........taking you away from the abysmal depths of your fears and worries.

Steadying you in a reverse cowgirl position, filing you, his cock melts inside you as he begins thrusting slow and steady, picking up the pace as your walls become more moist.

"You feel me pretty baby?"

"Y-yes!"

"Yeah? You gonna remember me forever?"

"Y-yes...yes! He-Heeseung!"

"You gonna remember what this feels like?"

"Yes!"

"What does it feel like baby? Tell me."

"F-f......fe-feels......ssss......goood......soo....soo.goood....ugh!"

"Harder or faster baby?"

"ugh! both! please both!"

Thrusting repeatedly, your body falls limp as he holds you upright, with one arm wrapped around your waist, and his other hand shifting a grip between your neck and your exposed breast, he muffles your moans and screams with his mouth as he swallows every single bit of your precious tones.

"Gonna cum for me?"

"Y-ye.....yes!...yes.......ugh! He-Heeseung!"

"Yeah? You gonna cum because you're a good girl?"

"Mmm!mmmmmm....mmmhmmm!....ugh!"

"You my good girl?"

"Y....yes!!"

"Yeah you are.......now fucking cum on me. Let me feel it."

Adding more depth to each thrust, you gasped out your screams of pleasure as he rams his cock deep inside, separating new found walls and extracting the moisture out of your body. Reaching orgasm and releasing all over his member, your thighs shake relentlessly.

"Good girl.....my turn."

Cupping your lower tummy, he pushes in and feels his thick length as it slides in and out, he found it amusing how your sensitive body could take him like this, especially feeling it inside you as he was doing right now. Jacking his member deep inside you at a rapid and hard momentum, he finally reaches his moment and with one last punctured thrust, he bucks his hips upward as he shoves you down, mashing your bodies together as he releases inside and fills your body up.

Pulling your head back as he latches his mouth on your neck yet again, suckling as your body bounces rigorously from the tenacity of his performance.

Feeling the pleasure of his tainted love, you somehow were to understand his message clearly, all due to Heeseung extracting you from your fears......which he had done before, back when Samuel sent you his email......back when you and Heeseung came together for the first time.....the start of your guys story. Just as he did back then, he helped you to understand, that the reality of what life gives, is never necessarily the ending to your story. The more he kept pumping into you, the more you were reminded of that clarity. Yea sure, you still felt scared, but knowing that if at first you dont succeed....reach happiness.....or if things just dont work out, you can and should always, try-try again. A lesson you were always reminded of, all thanks to Heethan.

Authors note: Lol, sooooooo...yeah this original draft did have some smut....and i was going to take it out but it was too crucial for me to do so. I hope you dont mind that. But, this chapter was originally drafted, back a few months ago. I had this thought in my head, since I have only taken a few college courses, and am about to start back up on it, I was feeling so dreadful and felt too nervous about doing well. I want to succeed in reaching my educational goals....but what also kind of bugged me was....will i still find time to write? I love writing, truly do. Mainly because it brings other people joy and brings out their most inner feelings. I had so much on my mind that time that i had began drafting this, but as i was writing it, i left it unfinished bc honestly, when i drafted heethan's message.....literally its like his voice was telling me what to write....i felt better. like it was a nice little reminder....realistic...very rational....and honest...but still positive and holds truth. there's a lot of things we can't control, but we should never give up. Its okay to be scared and to worry, that's natural, and that is exactly why people such as myself are here, writing these chapters and stories for you all because i know that there is such a thing called 'life' and sometimes....we just need a break from it to refresh ourselves. I know you have alot on your plate, but dont worry because everything will be more than fine. We have to pace ourselves, work hard, but also rest, and play from time to time. Eat and drink well, and finish strong. finish college, work with your mother and teach her to work with you, if you dont get the job you really want, no big deal. no matter what job you get, if its one you dont want, nothing lasts forever. just think that whatever you do now, it is only making you more marketable for the dream goal you have. I hope you continue strong because while you do have alot on your plate, you've been slaying....you've been killing it! and that's a major accomplishment in itself, last of year of college? woohoo! finish strong!

So now i should apologize for responding with the longest post ever lol. but i really hope this makes you feel better. Reading your message had reminded me of this piece and i am so glad you sent it to me because....looking at it now...and actually finishing it......this was something that was meant to be published and shared. bc it holds an important message for all of us. <3

Enjoyed this piece? Show love and treat your girl to a cup of coffee. ♥️ 

☕ Ko-fi: ko-fi.com/reinbow

[betterbooktitles]

On looking older than I am:

By the time I was a teenager, I’d fully accepted my early adulthood. When I wasn’t playing a sport or acting in a play, my number one hobby was taking a John Updike book (sorry) to a coffee shop. I frequented a place within walking distance of my house in Cleveland called Talkies. I sat at the front bar with my book and ate a second lunch at 3 PM. I talked to random people sipping coffee and smoking cigarettes inside. One was a researcher at Case Western who studied molecular biology. He seemed to know no one in Cleveland except me and the baristas. Another guy was a white dude with dreadlocks, a gifted actor who bussed tables at the fancy restaurant next door. Every barista was a 20-something woman who told me about their various trysts in graphic detail. Multiple times the men offered me cigarettes or to split a joint outside. No wonder it took me years to finish one of the Rabbit novels. I was soaking up more than enough adult content in my real life than any book could offer.

The oddest encounter occurred at a hotel in Annapolis, Maryland when I was 15. I attended a boys’ catholic prep school and because my parents and I were taking a few college campus tours during our family trip, and you never know who you might bump into, I chose to wear the tie and khakis I would normally wear in class. I had chosen an aqua shirt with a bright textured gold tie that morning and was still wearing it when I approached the front desk that evening. I promised my English teacher I would have a late assingment on his desk Monday morning despite my travel schedule. I had finished writing it on my mom’s laptop and put it on a flash drive. 

“Is there an office in the hotel with a printer?” I asked the woman at the front desk. I deepened my voice. “My boss needs this report ASAP.”

The woman behind the desk wore a maroon and beige polo shirt with the name of the hotel embroidered on one side and a fat plastic name tag that read “Jess” on the other. She kept her curly brown hair tied back behind her head and looked like she was ready to take a nap rather than help one more jerk fix his malfunctioning room key or find the hotel’s office. She smiled though and led the way. We walked through a large banquet hall that looked like it was hosting a wedding or prom. Pink uplighting and one of those whirling balls with differently colored light filters spun around and painted the room. I watched fat white men in suits sip cocktails out of plastic cups and flirt with young women half their size and age. A number of them wore saris. 

“What is this?” I said aloud. 

“It’s a party for the IMF.” the woman said. “You’re not with them?”

“No, I’m on a different kind of work trip.” I said.

She kept walking until we found a door on the side of the room. Bright tube lighting poured into the mock nightclub when she opened it. I hurried in so as to not disturb the party atmosphere too long, and to my surprise, she shut the door behind us and stayed to watch me use the office. 

Computers in 2002, especially out-of-date communal ones used by everyone in a hotel, were not very fast. The fat glass monitor was already on, and when I opened the browser, I had a good two minutes to chat, which the hotel employee seemed keen on doing.

“So where are you headed?” She asked.

“Well, it’s here tonight, then New York, then upstate somewhere, back to Cleveland.”

“Busy weekend.” 

“Yes, we’re- I’m trying to squeeze in a lot.” 

We talked about my work. I vaguely said I was on a deadline for a writing assignment which made me sound like a journalist or someone with an entry-level publishing job. At some point, she said she was glad I wasn’t with the loud bankers because I seemed too nice and cute to work with them. 

Was this happening?

I found my little essay about Chaucer and clicked print. As a printer the size of a Fiat whirred to life and started pumping out the pages, the woman said: 

“I’m actually off the clock now if you want to have a drink with me.”

“I’d love that,” I said.

I put the essay in a folder (not a professional manila folder, a high school-ass, bright glossy blue folder with my school’s logo on it) and followed her to the hotel bar.

I ordered a beer in the annoying fake way people do in movies: the actor walks up to the bar and instead of checking what’s on tap or thinking of their brand of choice like ‘Bud’ or ‘Stella’ or even naming a type like ‘stout’ or ‘pilsner’ the actor confidently says “I’ll have a beer” and the extra playing the bartender wordlessly gets to pouring.

“I’ll have a beer!” I said to the bartender who squinted his eyes at me and cocked his head. 

“OK…” he pointed at Jess, who still had her uniform and name tag on. 

“Jack and Coke, Ben.” 

I sipped the beer slowly. We drank and talked about work and if Jess was going to bite the bullet and go to grad school. She asked if I wanted, when we finished our drinks, to go with her to a house party up the street.

“We can smoke a bowl, listen to my friend play some music. It’ll be fun.” she assure me.

“I really shouldn’t,” I said, “We’re- I’m… I have an early morning.”

“Ah,” she said, looking down at her drink.

I now realize that every coy excuse I made sounded like I had a girlfriend or wife at home and I maybe had a problem with drugs and alcohol that might make me do something I regretted. I was playing an adult better than I ever had in my life.

“So, someone is with you in your room, then?” Jess asked nervously.

“Yeah. There are people in my room.” 

And here, dear reader, I’m sorry (or happy) to tell you that I fessed up.

“I’m staying with my parents.” I said.

“Oh. That’s sweet. Are they meeting up with you on this trip? Where are they from?”

“We drove here together from Cleveland, actually.”

“Oh, OK.” She said, looking confused.

“I- You see. I’m not on a work trip. I’m seeing schools.” I looked at the bartender who was pretending not to listen on the other side of the empty bar.

“Grad schools?”

“No. Listen. Sorry. I’m in high school.”

“Wait- how old are you?”

“I’m 15.”

“Jesus. Uuughh!” She leaned her torso over the bar as if she was fainting, and looked up at me with one eye over her glass. “Oh, boy. I know how to pick ‘em.”

“I look older,” I said, consolingly. 

“Yes. You do. Oh, God. Wow. OK. Ummm.” She sat up and did a little drum roll with her hands on the bar.

I chugged the rest of my beer. 

Read the rest of the essay here.

[talesfromthesnogbox]

School You in Love

Summary: Eddie and Steve are fifth grade teachers, and decide their classes should finally know they're together.

Rating: G

Word Count: 1,984

Author's Note: Based off this little video I saw!

AO3

“Sit down please, Mr. Harrington.” 

Even though Steve was now a 30 year old man and a few years into a teaching career, being pulled into the principal’s office made him shake in his boots. Mrs. Josie Danlin was everything he wishes his elementary school principal could have been; kind, helpful, but still demanded respect in a motherly way. When she asked Steve to move from teaching second grade to fifth grade, it was a no-brainer, he’d do whatever she asked, but it meant teaching the class opposite his long-term boyfriend Eddie.

“Are you aware there’s a rumour amongst the kids that you and Mr. Munson are dating?”

Steve scoffed. Kids talked all sorts of nonsense. “Sure, I mean that rumour has been running for years. But you already know that I’m dating Mr. Munson.”

She smiled, nodding along. “I understand that, Steve. Now were you aware that there was a scheme where they were gonna try to lock you in the supply closet during recess to make you ‘talk it out’?”

He blinked. “No, no that’s a new one.” 

“Thought it might be. Look, you know I’m more than happy for you and Eddie, and you’re both great at keeping it professional at school. A little too good evidently if you ask me. But you need to shut this down. You know how destructive these kids can get, and the school year is coming to a close; the kids will be off to middle school next year so they don’t care what kind of trouble they can get into. I don’t want anybody getting hurt.”

Steve nodded along. “Right, okay, but I’ve already said we’re not together. I don’t know how much more I can say to them about this aside from making up a fake partner.”

Josie raised her eyebrows at Steve, a sympathetic smile crossing her face. “Do you want to make up a fake partner?”

“No, not really actually. I’d rather them just pester me until the day they graduate.”

“Steve… so why don’t you just tell them?”

He went silent, too stunned to speak. “Wh-wha—”

“You don’t have to of course, that’s totally up to you, but maybe it’s time to shut the rumours down once and for all?”

“I… I’d have to ask Eddie after all, but yeah, yeah maybe we will. You’d be okay if we—“

“Steve.” Josie laughed and took his hand from across her desk. “You and Eddie are two of our most loved teachers here. I don’t care who you date, and I damn well don’t care who knows you’re together. Most of the staff here knows already anyways, if keep keeps the kids from doing something stupid, I’m all for it.” 

A smile broke out on Steve’s face. “Yeah, yeah okay, I’ll talk to him tonight then, see what he thinks. Thanks Josie. Um… do you think you could be there with us, if we decide to tell our classes?”

“Of course, I’ll make sure the kids stay respectful and don’t make too much of a fuss.”

🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

“So I have to talk to you about something.” 

Eddie dropped his fork, staring up at Steve with fear in his eyes.

“No! No it’s not bad, I just thought maybe we could carpool in tomorrow?”

Steve could see the gears working in Eddie’s head. His fingers were steepled under his chin, something he did when he was deep in thought, and his brow furrowed in such a way that made him think Eddie would say no.

“Steve, if the kids see us driving in together—”

“I had a meeting with Josie after school.”

“What? Is that why you were late?”

He nodded. “She wanted to meet during my planning time, but I had a stack of book reports to go through so I just talked to her before I left. She thinks we should tell the kids.”

Eddie’s eyes widened and he sat back in his chair. Coming out hadn’t been easy for him as a teenager, and that experience never really went away into adulthood. Steve knew he loved him more than he could say, but after the bullying and the slurs thrown his way in high school, it wasn’t surprising that he had his reservations about who he was out to.

“Do you think it’s a good idea to do that?”

Steve shrugged. “Most of the teachers know anyways, and apparently there was a scheme to lock us in a closet. Five guesses who could have come up with that one.”

“Marco and Leanne for sure.”

“Yup, nailed it.” He pushed the food around on his plate, feeling like he knew how this was going to go. “Eddie if you’re not ready—”

“I want to, trust me I want to so bad, but I just…”

“Don’t worry baby, it’s okay, we don’t have to.”

🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

The next morning Steve and Eddie drove to school alone, parked at opposite ends of the lot, and made their way to their classrooms, pausing to say good morning like they always did outside their neighbouring classroom doors. 

On this particular morning, Eddie noticed a folded piece of paper on his desk atop the attendance form labelled “To Mr. Munson, from Mr. Harrington”.

The handwriting immediately gave away Olivia, one of Eddie’s top students, but he opened it anyways.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

You like me…

And I like you too.

Will you go out with me? 

☐ Yes

☐ Definitely!

☐ I love you Mr. Harrington

Eddie quickly made sure nobody was looking as he checked off the last box and set the paper aside.

Lunch time came entirely too slowly for Eddie’s liking, and when it did, Steve wasn’t in the staff room like he normally was. He went looking everywhere for him, but finally found him in the last place he thought to look, his classroom.

“So uh, I think you might be right about needing to tell the kids.” He handed the paper to Steve and watched the smile on his face bubble into laughter.

“Wow, confessing your love for me through a note? What if the teacher found it?”

“Shut up!” Eddie shoved him and sat on his desk. “So maybe tomorrow we could carpool?”

“I’d love to, baby.”

🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

Steve and Eddie carpooled in the next day, and not one of their students noticed. They decided to tell the students together after lunch, Eddie’s kids all brought their chairs into Steve’s room under the guise of some graduation information; Josie joined them standing off to the side as the two of them stood at the front of the class. Fifty pairs of ten year olds eyed them suspiciously, and suddenly, Steve was nervous.

“Alright, so we need to talk about something very important this afternoon. Mrs. Danlin is joining us to make sure we all behave in a respectful manner.” He looked over to Eddie who nodded to him for encouragement. “Raise your hand if you’ve heard a rumour that me and Mr. Munson are dating.”

The students fell deadly silent as most of them raised their hands. They looked tense, as if they’d be in trouble, but softened as they noticed Steve was smiling.

“Okay. Now raise your hand if you think that rumour is true.”

A few giggles bubbled over from the congregation of kids as some of them raised their hands again.

Steve assessed them all, and motioned for them to lower their hands. “Thank you everyone for your honesty. We wanted to gather everyone here today to clear up the rumours once and for all.” His hands shook a little, but he took a deep breath and pushed on. “It’s true, Mr. Munson and I are dating.” 

The class erupted in cheers. Every one of Steve and Eddie’s students were clapping, big smiles on all their faces. Out of the corner of his eye, Steve noticed Eddie wipe a tear away, and he was drawn closer to his boyfriend.

“Alright, alright, settle down. Quiet!” He chuckled as the kids’ excitement settled. “We’ve been together for close to 8 years now, so I think we’re a little bit more than just dating.” The animated chatter started back up again. “Quiet please! Guys, come on, let me finish.” He waited for them to stop once again. “We’re a little bit more than just dating because I am completely in love with him.”

This time, when the class erupted in cheers, neither Steve nor Eddie could hold back their smiles. This was going better than either of them could have planned, it seemed their students were really supportive of them. Steve waited for the class’ cheers to die down entirely before starting once more.

“We’re almost done guys I promise.” His hands shook in earnest now, and he shoved one into his pocket, thumbing the little velvet box. “Last question. I was wondering… who thinks Mr. Munson should become Mr. Harrington?”

This time, the volume of the screams in his classroom was deafening, but Steve couldn’t hear them because he was turning towards Eddie, pulling the box out of his pocket, and sinking down onto one knee.

Eddie covered his mouth, but Steve could still make out the giant smile behind his hand. His shoulders wracked with sobs, but he nodded all the same. 

“Will you marry me?” Steve mouthed to Eddie, tears springing to his own eyes. 

“Steve!” He wiped his eyes, hair bouncing with the force of his nods. “Of course I will.”

Eddie’s hand shook as Steve took it in his and slipped the engraved silver ring on it. They pulled each other into a hug, Steve lifting Eddie off the ground, and spun him.

Steve wanted nothing more than to kiss Eddie, but he knew it would have to wait. Their students were still shouting excitedly, and now Josie had joined in, unable to contain her own excitement for the two men. 

“Okay, okay! Quiet guys, settle down.” Steve’s voice shook, he wiped his eyes and took Eddie’s hand, feeling the addition of the cool silver ring under his thumb. “Maybe I should have waited for the end of the day to do this.”

“Too late now babe.” Eddie whispered, leaning in to kiss him, but stopping in his tracks, remembering where he was. “Thank you for being here Mrs. Danlin.”

“Thank you for sharing all of this with the rest of us.” She said, smiling ear to ear. “And thank you students for being so respectful and encouraging of Mr. Harrington and Mr. Munson.” She stepped closer to the two and brought them into a hug. “I’m happy you did it early, gives me time to plan a little party for after school.” She patted them both on the back and left the room.

“Does anyone have any questions for myself or Mr. Munson before we jump back into our lessons for the day?”

A sea of hands rose up. “Sir! How did you start dating?”

“Did you know each other before you were teachers?”

“Do you live together?”

“Do you want to have a baby?”

“Is Mr. Harrington a good kisser?”

Eddie’s eyebrows rose and he put his own hand up. “Okay! Maybe we’ll wait on the questions then. My class, everyone pick up their chairs and single file back to the room.” He turned to Steve, a smirk on his face. “I love you, but you walked right into that one.”

“Yeah, not my wisest decision. I’ll see you after school?”

Eddie nodded. “I’ll come find you, we’ll have to stop by the staff room for whatever monstrosity Josie is planning for tonight.” 

“Shit, she did mention that, didn’t she.” Steve dropped his head, hair shading his eyes for a second, then looked back at Eddie. “Get going, I’ll see you later, fiancé.”

Eddie giggled in a way that could only be described as giddy. “I love you so fucking much.” 

“I can’t wait to marry you.”

[artistic-izzy-multifandom]

Izzy's Heavily Improvised Essay on Bambi 2

(to folks who follow me for other stuff, I apologize right ahead of time, just doing my "multifandom" name justice XD)

Okay y’all, bear with me, this was written in the heat of the moment and therefore I might go around in tangents. I’ve been dying to write this essay thingy for months actually, but I kept chickening out when I went to try and just do it. And it was also inspired by Wreckham’s own Bambi post that I saw a while ago, so uh... Yeah.

(also this mainly features my opinions, don't take them as facts >_<)

So, starting things off with this:

It shall be no secret that I’m an avid fan of the Bambi movies (more the second than the first, but we’ll get to that in a bit). 

It’s no surprise that visually speaking, Bambi is a spectacle from beginning to end, on top of having a beautiful soundtrack and a fascinating way of being the closest thing to an animated documentary with its environments.

However, it comes with the price of... Well, lacking a concrete plot. And by that I mean outside of just showcasing Bambi’s life from birth to adulthood. Not to say there’s no value in that, but I reckon it’s not the kind of movie lots of people nowadays would just want to watch multiple times in a row.

(plus considering how much of the novel’s plot they cut out when adapting it to the screens… That’s a can of worms for another day)

Yes, even I, the avid fan, will admit this flaw in the storytelling. And it’s a big reason why I maintain my statement on loving the second movie more than the first.

And oh where do I begin?

Namely how its plot is basically about the time that happened between Bambi’s Mother’s death and the scene with all those cheery singing birds — in other words, the period in which Bambi was raised by his father, the Great Prince of the Forest.

While animation’s changed significantly (given that, y’know, 64 years apart) and also different voice actors were hired for the characters (again, 64 years), I will come here and say that visually the movie did the original justice, and did it in spades!

Plot-wise? On one hand, there’s more dialogue and the humor is a bit more targeted for younger audiences, which in fairness will put off some who are more inclined towards the original.

On the other hand, the movie is also not afraid to explore some darker subjects, some indirectly (like the whole aspect of grief both for Bambi and his father and their respective ways of dealing with it), and some directly (such as the entire Deer Call scene).

And the fact that unlike the first movie, the characters here are more fleshed out, the main highlight of that is none other than the Great Prince himself; in the first movie he... Didn’t have nearly enough screentime or lines to justify his status as protector of the Forest, at best he was a minor character given too much importance, and at worst he was a living prop.

In the second? He’s the second main focus of the story, with a whole character development arc on how to be a father to Bambi despite his belief in tradition (aka the whole “the does care for the young” thing). In fact, I think I should dedicate this part of the essay on his character, shall we? Because years of rewatching the movie made me think a lot of things regarding him (which I don’t see many or even anyone talk enough about):

If we’re gonna think about it, we never really get to know the Great Prince too deeply prior to his mate’s death. Everything we do know about him personality-wise came afterwards, at a time when he had to look after Bambi while also looking after the Forest as a whole.

It’s incredibly easy to label him as a jerk and a deadbeat father when one fails to consider a few things:

1- His mate died, and given the timeframe, the Prince was unable to reach both her and Bambi in time before Man shot her; made worse when you remember that in the first movie he was able to save them both from Man. Literally, at the beginning of the second movie, one of the first expressions we see from him is sadness. Wouldn’t you think he was feeling not just grief, but guilt too?

2- He was left to raise his son alone, at one of the harshest points of wintertime, and only asked Friend Owl to find a doe because the owl offered some help in the first place; recalling the tradition thing, the Prince had no experience with children whatsoever, can you blame him for being baffled at the idea of him raising his son at first?

3- He’s the protector of a whole forest. That’s like, hundreds and hundreds of lives he’s dedicated to keep safe from Man at all times every single day, hundreds and hundreds of animals depending on him to not get shot. Even if he’s experienced at what he does, that’s still a huge pressure onto a single individual, and the fact that he can’t always save everyone every time Man is in the woods.

And a bonus: forget his status as the Great Prince of the Forest for a moment, and what do you have? A stag who lost his mate (whom he genuinely loved) and is left to raise their son entirely on his own.

If I were to guess, I’d say the Great Prince was far more serene prior to the tragedy; still a recluse, what with being the protector of the woods and then some, but less stern in general.

Everything we see of him before the completion of his character development, is him trying to make do with something that was out of his control and dealing with its consequences. (there’s a reason why ‘Parents as People’ is a trope, y’know)

Hell, it was all but stated that even before he became more open towards Bambi and embraced his role as a parent, he already cared about his son in his own way. I’m under the belief that he’s always been capable of raising him, all he needed was some time (and a bit of a nudge from Bambi himself at points).

Plus he was already regretting the whole “new mother to Bambi” plan and intending on calling it off by the time Friend Owl brought Mena, he only went through with it anyway because he thought he screwed things up with Bambi for good - btw I do not blame Bambi for being mad, poor guy’s spent most of the movie trying to impress his dad and taking every lesson to heart, only to find out about the arrangement at the worst time possible.

On another tangent, I feel like one aspect that’s often overlooked is how both Bambi and his father reacted to going through with the arrangement:

By the time Bambi was going to leave with Mena, he wasn’t even mad anymore, just downtrodden and upset that he wouldn’t get to see his friends as often, but otherwise resigned and accepting that it’s what he should be doing. Putting up a brave facade all the while, much like the Great Prince himself.

Same for the latter, he was trying to keep his regal facade up as well and insisting that “a Prince does sacrifices” - he was mostly talking about himself, having to give his son up so he’s raised by someone better than the Prince.

And let’s get one fact clear before heading to a main point in this essay: although Bambi did get mad at his father (down to even wishing his mother was there instead of him), he was far more upset at being separated from him and not getting to see him as often, and it’s made obvious he regretted yelling those words at his father.

Otherwise, Bambi wouldn’t have rushed back to nuzzle him goodbye, wouldn’t have thought of retaliating against Ronno when the latter taunted him about being “given away” due to his father “being ashamed of him”. And he certainly wouldn’t have run to another cliff to meet his dad after defeating the last of Man’s dogs.

In fact I more than believe that they would’ve reconciled on the spot as soon as they saw each other again, which was what likely gonna happen after Bambi saved Mena and got rid of all the dogs.

But then the cliff scene happened.

(aka one of my favorite scenes in the whole movie, and yes I will defend it right now)

Now, I can see why a good bunch of people hate that scene (namely the whole Disney Death thing), but allow me to say that it’s in the movie for a reason, and it’s not to trick the audience into thinking Bambi did die from the fall.

It’s to showcase the Great Prince’s character arc coming to fruition.

Remember when I said that the Prince did love Bambi in his own way despite not knowing anything about raising children? This is the scene where he finally realized just how much he did care all along, shedding away his “prince does/does not” mentality for good. Realizing that Bambi needed him as a father

There's so much that goes unsaid in the scene.

How the Prince’s voice nearly breaks when urging Bambi to get up, him saying “A Prince does not...” but never finishing it. What was he going to say? We don’t know, and that’s the point. Maybe even he didn’t know, maybe it was said out of reflex.

How he gets down and looks at his (seemingly) dead son before nuzzling him, keeping him as close as he could, and crying.

This all makes it more meaningful when Bambi does wake up and calls him Dad for the first time, showcasing how far their bond has gone and developed.

I believe, among other things, that the scene (and perhaps counting the dog chase as well) was also meant to be a mirror/parallel to the dream sequence from earlier in the movie. But that’s perhaps an essay for another day!

So, in conclusion… I swear I’m 100% normal about this movie, I totally did not spend days on end trying to make this improv essay as cohesive as possible-

[essay ends here, roll credits]

[calpalirwin]

Addicted to Sound

Summary: When a classic violinist clashes with a rock drummer, things are bound to be messy.

Word Count: 2.7k

And away, and away we go!

__

Dean was more than surprised to find a car already in the parking lot of Fowler’s Strings when he arrived. And his surprise turned to curiosity when he didn’t recognize the vehicle despite the man sitting at the wheel looking vaguely familiar. He shook off the feeling, chalking it up to another generic pretty white boy face, slipping back into his normal demeanor. 

The man in the car didn’t move as Dean tucked his motorcycle helmet under his left arm, right hand going for a set of keys clipped to the side of his backpack. Only after Dean unlocked the building to let himself in did the man in the car start to move to get out. 

“Morning, what can I help you with?” Dean called out to the man when he finally made his way inside the building. 

“You’re not Dean Fowler by any chance are you?”

He stiffened ever so slightly as he set his backpack down behind his desk and shrugged off his jacket, draping it over the back of his chair. “That would depend on who’s asking,” Dean answered cautiously. 

The man gave a small, almost apologetic laugh. “Sorry. I, um… my band… well management really…” he loosed a sigh, frustrated with himself for fumbling with words like an idiot. “My band is doing a show, and my management hired your company as part of the vision we had for this show.”

“Ah,” Dean said knowingly. “So you wanted to come and do your own research. Make sure we’re up to your standards.”

“Heh,” the man ducked his head. “Well in part, yes. But also… and I’m aware of how absurd this will sound. But I used to know someone named Dean Fowler back when I was a kid. And part of me is curious if it’s the same Dean Fowler.”

“Well, yes I’m Dean. However, I didn’t grow up here, so I’m sure it’s just a mere coincidence.”

“I didn’t grow up here either. I’m Ashton. Irwin, if that helps jog your memory any.”

Much to Dean’s dismay it did. A flash of a scrawny boy with a straightened blond fringe. Then more flashes, some good, some worse, of memories spent with that boy. Dean blinked, the flashes fading and in its place stood Ashton as he was now. Scrawny frame filled out with broad muscle. Blonde fringe replaced with soft brown curls. And his face, even more handsome in adulthood with stubble now decorating that strong jaw. “Well… we’re both a long way from home, huh?”

Ashton laughed. “Yeah. Yeah I guess you could say that.” A large hand rose to rub at the back of his neck. “So…”

“I’m gonna stop you right there,” Dean cut in. “We don’t have to do whatever this,” he waved a hand in a vague gesture, “is. Let’s agree to leave what happened when we were kids in the past where it belongs. I know I’ve changed since then. You’ve…” another vague hand gesture at Ashton’s body “clearly changed a lot as well. So let’s just attend to the matter at hand, and take it from there.”

Ashton’s face fell for a fraction of a second before he nodded. “Yeah. That’s… yeah.”

Dean loosed a sigh. He didn’t want to come off as dick. But he wasn’t exactly inclined to walk down memory lane with Ashton either. What was so wrong with wanting to do the job at hand and then go back to forgetting about his former friend turned lover turned stranger? “I didn’t mean it like that,” Dean started to amend, “I only meant that we could have a clean slate. Start fresh, or whatever.”

Ashton merely nodded again, slowly turning over the words in his head. “Yeah, makes sense. But damn, I must’ve played this out a million times in my head about what I would say or do if I walked in here and it was actually you. And…” his voice trailed off in a huff of breath. “I dunno,” Ashton’s shoulders shrugged. “It probably doesn’t mean a whole lot, and it’s way overdue, but I am sorry for how things were before.”

The corner of Dean’s mouth pulled up slightly in a sad half smile. “Yeah. Me too, Ash, me too. Um…” Dean drummed his fingers on his desk, wiggling his mouse to wake up his computer. His tongue clicked in his mouth, making idle noise to pass the time as he pulled up a file on the screen. “Okay, so it looks like your management sent the set list. Did they send the…” another click had another file opening up. “Perfect. Okay, so,” Dean’s eyes lifted from the computer to Ashton, “my team and I are gonna look this over and see what we can do with it. Then we’ll bring you guys so we can hash out any other details or deal with any changes, and then we can start rehearsals. Any questions?”

“How long do you think it will take your team to come up with your additions?”

Dean clicked his tongue some more in thought. “Like a week tops, hopefully. I’ll keep your management up to date.”

“So I’m supposed to sit on my ass and do what exactly? Hope you’ll call me?”

It took everything in Dean’s power to remain professional. “No, of course not. You’re in London. Enjoy it. Do literally anything that will keep your mind off of me calling you. Because, I’ll grant you the courtesy of informing you now. I won’t be calling you. I’ll be calling your management.”

Ashton drummed his fingers against his thighs, blowing out a huff of air slowly, no doubt trying to ignore the obvious phone call dig. “Fine. Just, uh, try not to keep us waiting too long, Fowler. The venue only gave us a handful of dates so the sooner we can lock one in, the better.”

“Keep you waiting? Wouldn’t dream of it, Irwin,” Dean smiled sweetly.

~~~

Dean felt his temper rising with each second that ticked by on the clock. Tick! He’s not coming. Tock! Why did he think he would?

So when his phone finally did ring, shattering the silence, Dean all but jumped out his own skin before answering. “About time,” he said, doing his best to keep his irritation out of his voice.

“I know. I messed up. I’m sorry. I’m on my way though, okay. Just… like gimme five more minutes. Please?” Ashton’s voice replied, rushed rather than apologetic.

“Don’t bother. Just do whatever you want. I’m done.”

“What?”

Even Dean faltered for a second, unsure of what he was saying. “I— You— You promised me, Ash. You swore this wasn’t gonna change anything between us. That we were still gonna be us. And sure, at the time, you probably meant every word. But…” he sniffed as a tear slid down his nose. “I can’t keep putting my life on pause for you.”

“I never asked you to.”

“I know, but—”

“But what, Dean?! You can’t handle not being the only important thing in my life?! I have a future to think about here!”

“A future that doesn’t include me.”

“What are you saying?” The question came out broken and horrified.

“I’m saying— I love you, okay? So much that I don’t think I’m ever gonna be able to stop. But I can’t keep waiting for you to love me back.”

“I do love you! I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t.”

“But you’re not with me, Ash! Maybe emotionally. But physically and mentally, you left me a long time ago.”

“Dean, please!”

“Don’t call me.”

“Dean!”

The line went dead. And by the time Ashton made it to their meet up spot, Dean was nowhere to be found.

~~~

Aside from the ending, Dean had been one of Ashton’s better relationships. Carefree, easy days playing music and doing homework together. A million little moments that turned into shy confessions and led to kissing in the back row at the movies and promises of forever. A promise Ashton intended to keep, right up until he didn’t.

Ashton shook the thoughts from his head. Replaying a relationship that had ended over a decade ago wasn’t gonna do him any good. And yet, he couldn’t help it. Walking into that studio and seeing Dean again, different but somehow still the same, had opened up the memories whether Ashton wanted it or not.

He didn’t fault Dean for breaking things off, not back then and certainly not now. They hadn’t been anything more than kids. And life seemed to had been kind to both of them since then. Could a clean slate lead to a new chance? One that Ashton wouldn’t fuck up this time. Or had Dean meant a clean slate in that he wanted to treat this strictly as a professional relationship, get the job done, and go back to forgetting Ashton? He supposed in some part it didn’t matter. That sitting here, spinning through all the what ifs was a giant waste of time. But he somehow found himself focusing on the words “I love you, okay? So much that I don’t think I’m ever gonna be able to stop,” and wondering if that was still true. And if it was still true, what did that mean for them now that they had each grown up a little bit more? And if it wasn’t true…

Ashton shook his head again.

~~~

“A band? Like an actual band?” Dean asked skeptically.

Ashton’s eyes shifted to study the ground. “Yeah. I mean they play shows and stuff. Nothing big yet. But who knows, you know? Maybe one day…”

“Maybe one day you guys will be huge stars and I’ll be…” 

“Hopefully right there with me?” Ashton asked, lifting his gaze to meet Dean’s, teeth nipping into his lower lip. 

Dean just arched an eyebrow. “You would want that?”

Ashton gripped Dean’s hands in his tightly. “Of course I do! What?” Ashton laughed. “You think I would choose anything for my life that didn’t include you? Dean, I love you. And anything this world is gonna be crazy enough to throw at me, I want you right there with me.”

Dean allowed himself a smile, to fully believe in what Ashton was telling him. “It’ll always be us?”

“Always. Promise.”

~~~

Dean rubbed his eyes. It had been a foolish promise. One he had willed himself to believe in at the time because what was the alternative when you were seventeen and in love?

It hadn’t all been Ashton’s fault. Dean had been just as idyllic about the thought of spending forever with Ashton, chasing music dream after music dream together. Until the doubt and insecurities became too much to handle and he ran. So no, it hadn’t all been Ashton’s fault, because it was never his fault at all. Ashton would have continued to fight for them until his last breath. But Dean had picked the coward’s way out and pushed the blame on Ashton anyway. And Ashton, bless his heart, had let it happen.

And for what? For both of them to chase their music dreams separately and still find a way back into each other’s lives? There was no way that could be a mere coincidence. Something much larger than Dean could ever fathom was at play here. Fate. Destiny. Whatever it was, Dean wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.

Dean pulled out his phone and dialed.

“Hello?” Ashton’s voice answered, polite but unsure of who was calling.

“Hey,” Dean replied. “It’s me. It’s uh, sorry, it’s Dean.”

“Oh! Yeah, hey. I uh, wasn’t expecting you to call, sorry,” Ashton nervously laughed. 

“To be fair, I told you not to expect me,” Dean laughed with him.

“You guys are ready with the arrangements already?” Ashton asked incredulously. “Damn, I can see why my management picked you guys.”

“What? No. I—" Dean huffed another laugh. “Sorry, I should explain why I’m calling you. It’s uh… Well, it’s personal, I guess? I— God, I feel so ridiculous. I—” he paused, letting out a long sigh, using the time to gather the courage to say what he wanted to say. 

“Dean?” Ashton asked, voice tinged with concern. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, I just… I keep thinking, and um… are you free to meet for coffee or something? This is a conversation probably better had in person.”

“Oh? Uh… yeah. Yeah, I can meet you somewhere. Just tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”

~~~

Ashton tried to keep his nerves in check as he waited inside the coffee shop for Dean to arrive. It took every ounce of patience he had to remain where he was when he saw Dean in the parking lot, tucking a motorcycle helmet under his arm before striding towards the door. The tightness in his chest gave way to instant relief when Dean flashed him a huge grin, crossing the room quickly to him. “Hey, thanks for meeting me,” Dean rushed out as he set his motorcycle helmet down on the table. 

“Yeah, of course. So what’s up? You sounded like whatever you wanted to talk about is pretty serious.”

Dean’s face flushed, as both men settled into their seats. “It’s actually kind of stupid. But remember how I told you that we should leave our past in the past and just have a clean slate?”

Ashton felt the tightness in his chest return as he nodded. “Yeah.”

“Well, I’m struggling with doing that more than I thought. Like, if someone had asked me a few days ago how I felt about you, I would easily say that you were someone who was part of my past, and I’ve made my peace with it.”

“And now?” Ashton prompted after a few beats of silence. 

“Now I’m confused. The way we ended wasn’t your fault. The blame lies completely with me. I was the one who couldn’t handle my inner demons and I took the easy way out. And even today, it’s clear I still have some bitterness about how we ended because I’ve kind of been a dick to you under the guise of cold professionalism. And that bitterness is misplaced. It’s my own demons that have now turned into regret, and it’s not fair for me to have projected that onto you.”

“Well, while I appreciate that, I’m still partly to blame. I got tunnel-visioned in chasing my music dream with the guys, and I unintentionally stopped viewing you as a priority. And you were right to call me out for it and demand more for yourself.”

“You didn’t deserve for me to throw it all away, though.”

Ashton shrugged. “And you didn’t deserve for me to cast you aside to push you into thinking walking away was the only option.”

“And while I’m glad we’re at a place now where we can have a mature conversation about this, I’m still confused about where this leaves us. Because I don’t want a fresh start. I want a do over. I want the chance I ran away from.”

Ashton let out a sigh of relief, “Oh thank, God,” he laughed. “Because I have not been able to get you out of my head since I suggested your company to my management,” he confessed.

“Since you what?” Dean asked incredulously. “You suggested my company to your management? Which meant you knew it was me?”

Ashton’s face flushed. “Well it didn’t start out that way. But once I saw the name, I got curious. And… I mean I can’t say that I was ever okay with how things ended between us. It fuckin’ destroyed me, and to always have this nagging thought that it could have been avoided… You’re the only boy I’ve ever been in love with, Dean. And one of the last things you said to me was how you didn’t think you’d ever stop loving me. And I didn’t realize how much I’d been holding onto that hope until I found you again.”

Dean felt his heart start to race in his chest. “So… if I want a do over, and you also want a do over… that leaves us where, exactly?”

“Hopefully right about here?” Ashton asked before one of his hands was reaching across the table, two fingers hooking under Dean’s chin to pull him in for a kiss.

__

Tag List

@aquarius-hood1996 @creator-appreciator @philthepegacorn @myfavfanficsever @youngblood199456 @stormrider505 @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @metalandboybands @maybeememez @binxiboo @victoria432stuff @maedesculpaeusoubi @hfkait @vc55bughead

[freddieslater]

Freddie and Bobby for your birthday ask!

Also Happy Birthday!!

Thank you!! <3

Freddie Slater

• It’s his 19th and that feels like a big deal to him, it’s essentially his last year before finally hitting proper “adulthood” aka his 20s

• (To be honest, every birthday is a big deal to Freddie, he just loves any excuse for a party)

• So, he is absolutely determined to celebrate it in style — we’re talking a full night of partying, drinking, dancing to the best tunes, having the time of his life to mark this occasion

• He obviously asks Kathy if he can have his party at the Albert (after deciding it’s probably a better environment than Peggy’s) and she says yes

• He tells people not to bother with presents as he “isn’t into all that material stuff” but no one actually listens to that; his mum sends him a nice shirt and some money, Kat gets him this stupidly expensive watch (it has a leopard print strap), Stacey/Jean & the kids give him a new wallet and a bracelet

• ‘It’s supposed to be made of real crystals or stones or summat. Said on the tag that it was good for the chakras,’ Stacey says, shaking her head sheepishly. ‘I know it ain’t much—‘

‘Stace, are you kiddin’? I love it!’ Freddie stands up and catches her by surprise in a hug that squashes the air out of her. She still laughs all the same and pats his back.

• Jean also gives him a small photo album full of pictures of his mum, Kat, Stacey, Big Mo, Charlie and a few of his other family members, to remind him that he has a family, one who loves him deeply and cares about him completely. It makes him tear up a bit

• Alfie buys him a cake to surprise him as soon as he wakes up — double chocolate, his favourite — and he promises to buy him a drink at Vic, then offers to get him a birthday meal too

• The entire day, he’s bouncing around, high on life, so much so that he doesn’t notice Bobby constantly trying to tell him he got him something

• They go to the Albert where they have a great time — Freddie is once again wearing a feather boa around his neck and some plastic “birthday” novelty glasses, as well as a massive pin badge that says “birthday boy” courtesy of Rocky

• Finally, standing together at the bar, Bobby mentions that he bought him something

• ‘It’s nothing big or fancy,’ he says hastily, clearly not wanting to get his hopes up as he digs something out of his trouser pocket. ‘It’s just, I saw it and it reminded me of you. That’s so cheesy, isn’t it?’

Freddie beams at him. ‘Bob, you know I’m a cheese man. And, whatever it is, I already love it ‘cause it’s from you.’

Bobby presents it to him: A deep blue pendant, shaped like a long, slender crystal on a soft black rope chain. Freddie recognizes the stone before Bobby explains.

‘It’s Lapis Lazuli,’ he says, his brows furrowing as Freddie gently takes it from him. ‘I read that it’s supposed to have a lot of good spiritual properties, especially something to do with, erm, blocking negative emotions and honesty?’

He says it so uncertainly, clearly trying hard to remember the exact words he read. He fidgets with his hands as Freddie continues to stare at the pendant in awe.

‘I just figured that… with everything you’ve been through recently,’ he says softly, ‘it might help you to come to terms with all of it. It’s probably stupid, I know, but—‘

‘Bob,’ Freddie interrupts, lifting his gaze to him in utter adoration. ‘This means the world to me.’

Bobby visibly brightens, his eyes widening. ‘Really?’

‘It’s so thoughtful,’ Freddie continues, caressing the stone with his thumb. ‘I am seriously lucky to have you in my life, Bob. You know, Lapis is also a stone of friendship.‘

‘Oh,’ Bobby says, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. ‘I, uh, I didn’t know that. I read all of that and it was the closest that I could find to a Sapphire — your birthstone — and I just thought you might like it.’

Freddie smiles at him, looking deeply into his eyes as he says, ‘I love it.’

Bobby Beale

• It is his 20th and while that seems sort of worth celebrating to some people, Bobby is not one of them. He could understand if it was his 21st but 20 is just… 20

• Not to mention, he doesn’t much like his birthday and really doesn’t want to make it a big deal

• Freddie, self-appointed party planner, is a bit disappointed, as are Kathy and Anna, who really wanted to make it a bit more special

• However, they band together and figure something out that has the best of both worlds: a game might at home, watching some movies. That’s fine by Bobby

• He can’t really refuse when Kathy, Ben and Peter insist on taking him for lunch at the Vic, though, with Callum and Rocky joining them (Anna may or may not make sure that Bobby’s orange juice keeps mysteriously refilling free of charge)

• Game night consists of the following guests: Anna (she gifts him with a little teddy bear that she saw on one of the stalls and thought had his eyes and was the same colour as his hair, as well as a framed photo of the two of them and Freddie), Peter (he slips him £50 and a hug), Kathy (she bought him a nice LOTR t-shirt that he loves, as well as some money), Rocky and Freddie, of course

• They play Cluedo and Monopoly and Cards Against Humanity (the latter only comes out when it’s only Bobby, Freddie, Anna and Peter left, thankfully)

• It’s a really good night, even if Freddie and Anna eat more of his victoria sponge cake than he does, and he asks Freddie to stay over as Anna insists she needs to go home

• At that point, Freddie finally confesses that he did buy him something, but he was waiting until they were alone to give it to him

• Bobby’s heart nearly stops when he sees him pull out a ring box, and he’s pretty sure it actually does when he recognizes the ring inside of it

‘Is this…’ He looks up at Freddie, wide-eyed. ‘This is the ring. The One Ring from — from Lord of the Rings, how did you—? This must’ve cost you a fortune.’

Freddie shrugs the last remark off, beaming at him with excitement. ‘It is, and it’s genuine. Well, a genuine copy, from sight collection site, but it’s as close to the one in the movies as possible.’

‘Freddie…’ Bobby begins faintly but he trails off with a shake of his head, realizing he doesn’t have the words to express what he’s feeling right now. ‘This is… thank you! I mean, it’s amazing, seriously.’

He gently slips it out of the foam cushion and finds a slender silver chain attached to it. He runs his fingers over the engravings.

‘You’re welcome, Bob,’ Freddie says, clasping his shoulder. ‘See, I was gonna get you summat with your birthstone on it but then I read up on it and found out that ruby is the gift you give for your 40th anniversary. So, I figured I’d wait until we’ve known each other 40 years. Make it proper and special.’

‘You do know that’s only for wedding anniversaries, right?’ Bobby points out, barely able yo take his eyes off the ring. He’s already turning into Gollum.

Freddie shrugs again and winks, his grin widening as he says, ‘Who knows what’ll happen in 40 years? Whatever does happen though, Bob, I’m absolutely confident that we’ll still be in each others lives. That ain’t never gonna change.’

Send me a character and I’ll give you my birthday headcanons for them!

[hocusbogus]

Journal Entry: 2 May 2023 (Tuesday)

It’s so satisfying that the month started “in order”, today being 2nd of May and 2nd day of the week, a Tuesday.

I’m back here  to digest the past couple of weeks because my parents flew in to visit for Raya break, in which I didn’t take any extra leaves but thankfully my work is pretty flexible for me to still be able to take them around.

Were there any triggering stuff? Yes, of course. I had quite a lot of realisation of the little habits I picked up from them or the defence and coping mechanism I have because of how they treated me, at the same time I do feel a sense of comfort having them around, I don’t know how to explain it.

I love it because my mom cooks and we eat together, and it’s nice to have someone cook for me, I am an act of service person after all. Other than that I observed the fact that I tend to rush to get out of the car because I mimicked them, also I get defensive a lot because I often feel judged by them because they like to compare me to others growing up.

But realising all these just made me more aware of my reactions, not letting it affect or define me any longer, I just feel like as we grow older our parents seemed less mighty. We used to rely on them a lot because they’re supposed to take care of us but as we grow into adulthood, especially if we had to re-parent ourselves, it seems like they’re not mighty at all and they’re more “human” than we think they are. 

I have a sense of guilt and pity towards them, knowing how blessed my life is, away from trauma and the shackles that is my upbringing, but they are still there living life with barely any improvement from the past. It made me feel guilty somehow, but why do I feel this guilt? Was it imposed? Or is this just the human part of me? But at the same time I don’t think we’re meant to be together more than just a “visit”, I will not be able to live with them ever again. We’re just not compatible that way. I value my own space so much now.

But it was nice to have them around for a bit, I have to admit, it was not as bad as I thought it was gonna be, even though it was Mercury Retrograde. We visited my cousin and her family in Cheras on the second day of Raya, at least there were some familiar faces, I didn’t feel out of place or dreading it, it felt nice.

It was tiring physically for me because I still had to work and then take them around, but it was nice, so thankful for that.

I’ve also been enjoying content from Yoongi and his tour, can’t wait for the one in Jakarta in which Latun and I are going, so excited! 

How about work? I am simply doing it, am I super ecstatic? Not really. I am however feeling better about work, as in I can do it better with less anxiety, working on it! I always get adhd paralysis at work, it’s just so overwhelming but I think I am doing okay if I apply more structure with time blocking, it’s actually very manageable. 

As for personal relationship, I don’t know if this is healthy but I don’t feel that sad, am I suppressing or have I grieved it enough? Not sure, but I really need him to move out asap, this is getting ridiculous, like how do we move on if we’re still going on this way? I hope he takes this shit seriously because my 5 stages of grief is about to circle back to anger.

Anyway, just finished doing a sheet mask, need to wake up early to head to the office tomorrow. 

Might be an interesting day tomorrow, with surprises.

[mstrickster]

For Banksway: how they'd spend a quiet, Sunday morning. I loves me some domestic Banksway lol

Sorry for the wait, here you go.

Also I couldn't decide if I wanted to have them in high school, college or adulthood. So I did all three, enjoy! Now on Ao3

Adam Banks was not good at relaxing. He never had the luxury of a lazy morning. For as long as he could remember, Adam would wake every day and go for a run. 

Then he came back and ate breakfast with his parents. After that was practice or studying NHL games. 

In fact, for most of his life, Adam never did a task that wasn’t somehow a lead-up to an arbitrary goal. 

However, his boyfriend, Charlie, was almost the exact opposite. Casey had taught Charlie to work hard and play hard. She also taught him to care for himself and prioritize his mental health. 

So, Adam spent Sunday mornings training and studying. Charlie spent them sleeping in and watching cartoons in his PJs. 

Of course, this wouldn’t cause an issue until they started dating. Every Sunday Adam would get up and go for a run. Charlie would always whine at him to come back, but Adam ignored him. He knew Charlie would fall back asleep with or without him there. 

Yet, it still bugged Charlie. All he wanted was to spend the morning lazing in bed with his boyfriend. So, after being left in bed alone again, Charlie made a plan. Next Sunday he would get Adam to stay in bed and they would enjoy a lazy morning. 

Charlie plotted and schemed all week. He even enlisted Connie and Guy. 

On Sunday, they woke up early and decorated the halls with caution tape. Even going as far as to print out a fake notice about staying inside from the Dean. Which Connie slipped under the door. 

Should all that fail, Guy and her barricaded the door to the building so Adam couldn’t escape. They also made sure to hide and watch. In case, Adam tried anyway. 

Thankfully, when Adam woke up to his alarm he did spot the notice on the floor. He picked it up and read it with a frown. 

Adam sighed and sat back down on his bed. 

Charlie feigned a yawn and turned to look at Adam. 

“No run?” He asks, attempting to hide his glee. 

“Dean Buckley issued a notice,” He showed the paper to Charlie, “I guess they’re doing some work on the hallways and we can’t leave until around noon.”

How unfortunate,” Charlie smirks, “I guess you’ll just have to come back to bed.” 

Adam eyed him suspiciously, “I actually think I’ll work on some homework.” 

Charlie visibly deflated, “Adam it’s 5 AM…”

“I am already awake, Charlie,” Adam reasons, “I should do something productive.” 

“Ok, you know what, no.” Charlie sits up. 

“No?” Adam asks, confused. 

“I am dragging you back to bed and you’re gonna cuddle with me,” Charlie resolves, reaching for Adam and pulling him down on top of Charlie.

“Charlie!” Adam exclaims as he falls onto his boyfriend. 

“I want a lazy morning with you and I will get it,” Charlie replies. Without releasing his grasp on Adam, Charlie shifts himself into a more comfortable position. 

When he is done Adam is laying with his head under Charlie’s chin. His body is half on Charlie, half on the bed. 

Charlie smiles contently and moves to wrap his arms around Adam. 

Adam rolls his eyes but allows himself to settle in. He knew Charlie wasn’t going to relinquish his hold anytime soon. 

“Did you plan this?” Adam asks. 

“No,” Charlie lies, “But, I won’t look a gift horse in the mouth.” 

“I didn’t realize this meant so much to you,” Adam teases. 

“It means a lot,” Charlie confesses, “We don’t get to be this close outside our dorm, and you are always so busy when we’re alone together.” 

“I am?” Adam asks, surprised. 

Charlie nods, “There’s been a few times where I’ve come in and you’re either gone or buried into whatever you’re doing.” 

“I’m sorry,” Adam apologized. “I’m not used to being allowed to just relax.” 

“I know,” Charlie acknowledges, “But, it’s ok if you want to.” 

“It is?” Adam replies. 

Charlie nods, “I don’t expect the world out of you like your dad does Adam so you don’t have to perform here.” 

Adam turns into Charlie’s side and wraps his arms around Charlie's middle; hugging him tightly.

“Thank you,” Adam says quietly, “This is nice.” 

“Anytime Banksie,” Charlie replies with a smile. He kisses Adam’s head softly. Charlie allows his arms to loosen slightly, confident Adam would stay put, choosing to run his hand slowly up and down Adam’s back. 

Adam sighs contently and closes his eyes. He lets Charlie’s breathing distract his racing mind. Soon falling back to sleep.

Charlie chuckled softly when he heard Adam snore softly. He had fallen back asleep. Charlie snuggled into the bed and closed his eyes. Following Adam into sleep shortly after. 

****

After that first lazy Sunday, Charlie and Adam made it part of their weekly routine. However, after graduation, their lives began to change rapidly. 

Charlie had gotten accepted into the University of Minnesota on a full ride and was elated to attend his state school. However, that excitement dimmed when Adam revealed had chosen to go to another school. 

Thankfully, the other school wasn’t too far. Adam had gotten accepted into the University of Chicago Law School. A 6-hour drive from the University of Minnesota. 

It certainly wasn’t ideal, but it was better than not seeing each other at all. 

So, Charlie and Adam made a plan. They would call every other day. Text every day if they could and every month, they would meet up in the Wisconsin Dells to see each other. It was the exact halfway point between the two schools. 

This particular meet-up happened around Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day had, unfortunately, fallen on a weekday that year. So they agreed to meet up the week after and spend two days together. 

Charlie was released from school first. His last class was canceled due to the weather. He texted Adam to let him know he was driving down. 

Adam texted back right away reminding him to drive safely. 

Charlie rolled his eyes and pocketed his phone. He hurried back to his dorm and grabbed his bag. It was already packed. He made sure everything was off before locking the door and heading out. 

The drive down to the Dells wasn’t too bad for Charlie. After he got out of the Twin Cities, the traffic and the weather cleared up. 

 Knowing Adam wouldn’t be there until later, Charlie took his time and didn’t speed. He arrived at their hotel a little over three hours later. 

Charlie parked and texted Adam to let him know he had arrived safely. Adam replies with a heart emoji so Charlie knew he must be in class. 

Charlie checked into their room and texted Adam the room number.  

The Best Western they had chosen wasn’t fancy but it was comfortable and private. 

Charlie got to their room and dumped his luggage on the ground. He stripped down to his T-shirt and long johns before curling into the bed. 

He sighed contently and let himself drift off while he waited for Adam to arrive. 

Adam got out of class around 2. He had put his duffle bag in the car before he left that morning so he was ready to go. 

Adam hurried to his car and got in. He turned on the engine and the defrost. 

While he waited for his car to defrost, Adam checked his phone. 

He smiles when he sees Charlie had sent him the room number. He sends Charlie a quick text to let him know he is leaving before turning off his phone and putting it in the glove compartment. 

Adam wiped off his windshield and put his car into drive, taking off. 

The drive up was a little more congested for Adam. However, he was glad because it made sure he didn’t speed out of excitement. 

After what felt like an eternity, Adam pulled into the parking lot of the Best Western. 

He turned off his car and grabbed his duffle bag. 

Adam didn’t have to go far to get to the room. It was on the first floor just off from the lobby.

Adam smiles softly and knocks on the door. He figured Charlie had taken a nap and just hoped he was awake by now. 

Luck was on Adam’s side when the door swung open shortly after and he was met with a beaming Charlie Conway. 

“Hey, Babe,” Charlie greeted. 

“Are you gonna stand there or let me in?” Adam teases 

Charlie chuckles and steps aside to let Adam in. Adam took a cue from Charlie and dumped his bag on the floor. 

He turned back to the door and was enveloped in a tight hug by Charlie. 

“I missed you,” Charlie says. 

“You just talked to me,” Adam laughs. 

“Yes, but I haven’t held you in a month,” Charlie counters. 

Adam snorts and rolls his eyes with a fond smile. 

“I missed you too,” He confesses, “Were you waiting long?” 

“Naw,” Charlie answers, “I took a nap when I got here and just woke up about 10 minutes ago,” Charlie explains, “My Adam senses were tingling.” 

Adam laughs, “I’m sure.” 

He removes his outerwear and sits down on the bed. 

“So, what did you plan for our Valentine’s weekend?” Adam asks. 

“Actually,” Charlie sits next to him and takes Adam’s hands in his, “I was kinda hoping we could have a lazy weekend.” 

“A lazy weekend?” Adam asks. 

“Yeah, finals were rough,” Charlie confesses, “I would prefer just to relax with you.” 

“I like that idea,” Adam agrees, “We can order room service or delivery and just enjoy the time we have.” 

“Exactly,” Charlie smiles, “Thanks for understanding.” 

“We don’t travel to do anything big, Charlie,” Adam replies, “I just want to see you.” 

“It’s the same for me,” Charlie agrees, leaning over to kiss Adam’s temple. 

Adam smiles softly and leans his forehead against Charlie’s. 

“Are you hungry?” Charlie asks. 

“Not yet,” Adam replies, “Is the bed comfy?” 

“Very,” Charlie agrees, “Wanna see?” 

Adam nods and allows Charlie to drag him up. 

Charlie lays down in bed, getting comfortable before opening his arms for Adam. 

Adam smiles and climbs into bed. He sighs contently as Charlie’s arms curl around him. Using his own arms to hug Charlie’s waist. 

“I’m not tired,” Charlie notes.

“That’s ok,” Adam replies, “Is it ok if I take a nap?”

“Yeah of course,” Charlie replies. 

“Will you talk to me until I fall asleep?” Adam asks. 

“What do you want me to talk about?” Charlie replies. 

“Anything, just want to hear you talk,” Adam replies. 

Charlie nods and begins to prattle on about anything he can think of. Adam smiles and rests his head in the crook of Charlie’s neck, letting Charlie’s voice lure him to sleep. 

****

Charlie wakes Adam up a few hours later. The room is dark and a little cold. 

Adam whines and tries to curl further into Charlie’s warmth. 

“Banksie, get up,” Charlie laughs, “You shouldn’t go to sleep on an empty stomach.” 

Adam groans and pulls back to look up at Charlie. 

“I was dead asleep,” He pouts.

Charlie laughs, “I know but I want you to eat.” 

Adam sighs and nods. He pulls himself free from Charlie and sits up. 

“I don’t want to go out in the cold,” Adam resolves. 

“That’s ok, I ordered delivery,” Charlie tells him, “From that pizza place you like.” 

“I have never been so attracted to you,” Adam replies, causing Charlie to laugh again. 

“It should be here soon,” Charlie tells him. 

“Good, I’m gonna go shower and change into my pajamas,” Adam says, scooting off the bed. 

“Can I join you?” Charlie replies cheekily. 

“I suppose so,” Adam snarks. 

Charlie barks out a laugh and grabs his clothes, following Adam to the shower. 

Adam turns on the water and gets it set to the perfect temperature.

“It’s ready,” He tells Charlie. 

Charlie nods and strips down, entering the shower. 

Charlie lets out a sigh and the warm water runs over his aching bones. 

Charlie turns when he hears the shower curtain open and close. He offers his hands to Adam who takes them without a second thought. 

Adam allows Charlie to pull him under the water, sighing contently when it hits his skin. 

Charlie turns Adam around so he can lean into him. Adam lets himself relax in Charlie’s arms. 

The other man takes the time to run his hands over Adam’s skin. Despite the warm water, Adam shivers. 

“Charlie, I am still tired,” Adam explains.

“I know,” Charlie acknowledges, “I am content with just having you here, we don’t have to go any further.” 

Adam smiles and takes Charlie’s hands, pulling them so they wrap around his waist. 

“Besides,  we have all weekend,” He smirks. 

“We do,” Adam agrees. 

Adam allowed Charlie to wash his hair and body. He did the same for Charlie. 

Once they were all done, they got out and toweled off. Slipping into their pajamas. 

When pizza arrived they ate in bed, curled around each other happily. Adam told Charlie about his internship and Charlie told Adam about making varsity for the hockey team. 

Later on, they lay in bed in each other’s arms. Adam sighed happily. 

“I miss this when we’re separated,” Adam confesses. 

“Me too,” Charlie agrees. 

“It’ll be nice once we graduate and can find an apartment,” Adam notes. 

Charlie nods, “Remember when I had to force you to relax and cuddle with me?” 

“I remember,” Adam responds, “I didn’t think I’d ever miss it.” 

“I knew you would,” Charlie boasted. 

“No you didn’t,” Adam replies. 

“Well, I hoped you would,” Charlie counters. 

Adam snorts and rolls his eyes, “Whatever, Charlie.” 

****

Adam yawned and curled closer to Charlie. He blinked to clear his eyes and looked around the room. It had been five years since that Valentine’s weekend. 

Charlie and Adam had both graduated on time. After receiving his diploma, Adam packed up his dorm and prepared to go home. 

Charlie had offered to drive down to make the ride back with him. However, Adam wanted him to focus on moving his stuff into the new apartment they had found. 

Casey had been the one that had found the apartment. It was in downtown Minneapolis, not far from her place. 

Adam made time to come up so Charlie and him could view it. It wasn’t anything extravagant, but Adam loved it.  

They have only been in the apartment for a week so far, but Adam prefers it over their small dorm in Eden Hall and all those hotels they stayed in. 

Sure boxes were still spread across the apartment. They had only unpacked a few kitchen items and their bed sheets. However, for some reason, it didn't bother Adam. They had time to do all that. 

Charlie yawned and stretched his arms.

“Morning,” He says through a yawn. 

“Morning,” Adam replies. 

“What time is it?” Charlie asks. 

“Not sure, our phones are on the ground,” Adam notes, “And we haven’t set up the alarm clock.” 

Charlie shifts to glance out their bedroom window,

“It’s still a bit dark out,” Charlie notes, “Probably still early.” 

“Do we have anything to do today?” Adam asks. 

“It’s Sunday,” Charlie recalls, “So, no not really.” 

“Good,” Adam sighs. 

“Good?” Charlie teases, “You don’t have anywhere to be?” 

“No,” Adam replies, “If you’re not tired, we could get up and make breakfast.” 

“In a bit,” Charlie replies. 

Adam nods and settles back in. 

The couple lay there for another hour, just enjoying each other’s presence. Until Charlie’s stomach began to rumble. 

Adam laughed and pulled himself away from Charlie to get out of bed.

Both men shuffled out of bed and down the hall to their kitchen. 

Charlie got out the one pan they had unpacked and began to make eggs. Meanwhile, Adam got the coffee brewed and prepared Charlie a cup. 

Charlie dished up the eggs and made his way to the table. Adam followed with two steaming cups of coffee. 

“Thanks, babe,” Charlie says, taking his cup. 

“You know we have more than one plate,” Adam jokes. 

“Yeah, but what’s the point,” Charlie replies, “You’ll eat off my plate anyways.” 

“Fair point,” Adam says with a laugh. He picked up one of the forks and scooped up some of the eggs, offering them to Charlie. 

Charlie smiled and ate happily. The couple took turns feeding each other. 

“Are we gonna unpack today?” Charlie asks. 

“Maybe later,” Adam replies, “We have time.” 

“That we do,” Charlie agrees. 

The couple finishes their food and drinks. Adam sets the dishes in the sink to do later. 

Taking Charlie's hand, he leads the other man to the living room and their ratty hand-me-down couch. 

Charlie takes a seat and pulls Adam into his lap. Adam cuddles close and grabs the tv remote. He turns it on and puts it on the history channel. It’s mostly background noise but it’s entertaining. 

Charlie leans his cheek on Adam’s head and squeezes his arms around him.

“I love our lazy days,” He says. 

Adam smiles and nods, he couldn’t agree more.

[aho-dapa]

Eris for the character ask game

favorite thing about them

SECRETS SECRETS SECRETS. I love it when a character has secrets and I KNOW Eris has them. He’s playing the game because he has to. BUT WHY, I ask you and I ask sjm, the deity of this fictional purgatory I have made my home, WHY??

We may never know or it’s actually some real shitty reason

least favorite thing about them

can be a dick (but i squint my eyes at sjm at all times) like is he being a dick because he’s a dick or is it because there’s an agenda here?? But other than sjm nonsense, probably… nothing actually. I literally have nothing about him I dislike??

favorite line

I literally read more of acosf just to find his lines. AND IT’S SOOO DRY SOMEONE HELP

He winks in ACOSF

I haven’t gotten to the Neris dance thing yet so

brOTP

I do think he’d get along with most people once Beron dies. He’ll still be a private person, but I think he’d actually have a genuine smile once in a while in front of others that actually surprise people. Probably Tamlin, definitely Lucien (the true brOTP), and Tarquin

I can also see Cassian surprisingly, if the NC hadn’t decided Eris was their sworn enemy turned reluctant ally

OTP

Crying. Sobbing.

I can’t decide.

Probably Neris but like, platonic we got married for politics and maybe the moral of the story was the best friends we made along the way or something type thing

Sobs, they would qpr so well

Tarquin and Eris sounds good tho

Edit: I just realized my true eris OTP: eris x angst

nOTP

None, really

Surprisingly, azris doesn’t click for me, don’t know why tho

random headcanon

Would be the best dilf hands down, an actually good father, hums lullabies, cuddles his child even into adulthood, HE'S A FAMILY MAN OKAY

unpopular opinion

Tbh, I don’t like that he didn’t help Mor, but I also don’t understand why her family would leave her at Autumn’s border when, by her losing her ‘value’ as a bride, the insult was to Eris’s family. Unless this was a way of saying, hey we disown her and we’re giving her to you to do as you wish? Which, yeah.

But I honestly think that Eris protecting his mother is enough of a character motivation for me

My actual unpopular opinion is that the Mor and Eris debacle is not written well enough for me to actually see it as anything more than sjm nonsense writing

Eris shows a surprisingly amount of self awareness but then sjm will have him call Mor a slut and I’m like?? Why?? He’s either a master of the political game in Prythian or he’s a boy that’s only a product of his father with no self awareness, this is a result of sjm trying to have another Rhys character but remembering later on she also set him up as a villain in Mor’s story (sure, he could be both, does does sjm do that? again, no she doesn’t)

TBH THE CHILDISH ANTICS FROM ALL OF THESE CENTURIES OLD FAE IRRITATES ME TO NO END WHICH I'M AFRAID IS LIKELY JUST A BYPRODUCT OF SJM BACKING HERSELF INTO HER OWN RIGHTEOUS SAVIOR RHYS LONG CON CORNER

Sorry rant over

song i associate with them

PASSERINE BY THE OH HELLOS

Lyrics from the song:

See, my birds of a kind, they more and more are looking like

Centurions than any little messiah

THE WHOLE SONG SCREAMS ERIS GROWING UP AND WATCHING HIS INNOCENT LITTLE BROTHERS ALL SLOWLY DRIFT APART AND BECOME CORRUPT / ITS LITERALLY ERIS MOURNING OVER HIS BROTHERS BUT ALSO RECOGNIZING THEY ARE SCUM OF THE EARTH DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME

favorite picture of them

Here’s a link to fanart from a different series on instagram/tumblr, but I didn’t just wanna use it without permission

This one for the hair, and this one for the face??

If I were to explain, he has hair as curly as his mother’s and just as long. As I've said before, I’m completely biased to long hair. I have very little understanding of what his face looks like tho. Tbh if I could put a face to him it would be this, slightly older than his pretty boy brothers but still pretty (but depressed and looks like he’s one more atrocity from literally immolating himself)

(I just realized both fanarts are of the same guy from the same fandom sooooo)

[murasaki-cha]

I was scrolling through the Tsuiraku JK to Haijin kyoushi tag and most of the posts were the romantic moments of the manga and all that and the only thing I could think was:

“Bruh this manga is 90% crack dark humor that makes you wheeze during unreasonable times of the day, with your occasional heavy angst backstory dump. We forget the romance is even there until Haijin does some sexy shit. We read it for the crack energy”

Anyway please give Tsuiraku JK to Haijin kyoushi a try it’s really good please

[finelinevogue]

Obsessed with your imagines you so when they have 3 kids and they’re all older! What about one where Harry has to have a sex talk with his kids OR y/n and Harry come home to find their kids throwing a party? I think both could be super funny

this has me excited cause i love the idea of them throwing a party when y/n and harry are at date night!! (does contain smut)

oli - 21, felix - 19, belle - 16

“We’re so fucking screwed.”

“Belle, for the millionth time, chill the fuck out.”

But how the fuck was anyone supposed to be chill when there was a full-on house party, close to being a rave, occurring in their house? A house that was their mum’s life work. A house party that their parents new nothing about. A night where absolutely anything and everything could go wrong.

The three siblings stood at the bottom of the stairs, in front of the door, looking around at the scenes occurring between each room. There were girls whispering to each other on the sofas, there was a group of guys playing beer pong in the kitchen and there was a large group of people hanging around by the pool and some even taking a dip. What had meant to be a low-key party had managed to turn into the whole neighbourhood plus the next town over. It was completely overboard.

“Who’s idea was this again?” Belle asked, clearly not understanding the full reasoning behind a full fledged party in their house.

“All of ours.” Oli responded, when in reality it was really just his, and a bit of Felix, idea.

“Nope. I’m not getting grounded because you two dickheads wanted to be rebels.” Belle put her hands up as if to stop this whole situation. She did not want to be a part of this and yet had somehow got screwed up with it all.

“So what are you going to do?” Felix asked.

“Anywhere where this doesn’t have my name stamped all over it.” Belle gestured around her, all of them groaning when they heard something smash from a nearby room. They were actually going to be locked up forever after this.

“Belle, mum and dad are out for the night. Dad said he booked a hotel for them to stay over at, so they won’t even be back until tomorrow morning.” Oli explained, trying to calm down his very nervous sister.

“Yeah, plus if you’re so insistent on leaving why did you get so dressed up?” Felix did have a point. Belle had gone through the effort tonight to be looking as best she could. She was sporting a little black dress with black fishnet tights and her trusty Doc Martens. It was a very colourful outfit, as she would explain. Belle had even gone to the effort of adding glue-on gems to her makeup. Whereas her brothers were just wearing sweaters and trousers and trainers. Typical teenage boys.

“I’ll bet that’s why.” Oli nodded behind Belle and smirked as he watched his little sister turn around.

Megan Dover. Belle’s high school crush and cleverest person in the year. Felix and Oli caught Belle blush when their little sister looked at Megan, waving to her cutely. Belle was a lot more introverted than Megan, but Belle didn’t mind. She admired that Megan was so outspoken and kind and smart, but too bad they didn’t truly know of Belle’s existence. At least, not really.

“Alright fine, i’ll stay, but just don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Belle rolled her eyes and then walked off in the direction of the kitchen - if she was ever going to speak to Megan she’d need at least 4 shots in her system.

“Be safe little B.” Oli waved her off and then the two brothers looked at each other knowingly. “Is Heather here?”

“Not yet no, think she’s coming with the girls in a bit.” Felix checked his phone as his brother questioned him. “What about Bea?”

“She’s upstairs.”

“Why? I thought we weren’t allowing anyone upstairs?”

“Dude she’s my girlfriend, I think she gets a pass.” Oli patted his brothers back and then saunters up the stairs two at a time to go and find his girlfriend and reintroduce her to the party.

Another smash of something glass sounding came from the kitchen, along with a turn of screams and mumbles of oops.

“Fuck, we are so screwed.” Felix muttered under his breath as he made his way to the kitchen to clean up whatever was now broken.

••••

Meanwhile, you and Harry were basking in each other’s presence at a fancy new restaurant downtown called Caste Inn.

Harry decided it was time for you to have a treat and so was taking you out for dinner and then retreating to a fancy hotel, where he would not let you rest for the whole night. He was already being really handsy this evening, but you kept swatting his prying hands away because you were in public.

“Babe, c’mon i’m dying here!” He whined as you swatted his hand away from the skirt of your dress for the fifth time since mains. You were lucky you were in a crescent shaped booth so it was hard for anyone to see what was going on underneath the table, but you still felt so exposed.

“Quit it Harry.” You sniped, returning your attention back to the desserts menu. The restaurant was that kind of place where the portions are sparrow sized and yet cost you as much as it would to donate a kidney, so there was no surprise that you were still hungry and had room for dessert.

“Just wanna love on my wife.” He pouted next to you, keeping his arm slunk around the back of the booth to continue to caress your far shoulder delicately.

“We’re in the middle of a restaurant, you’re crazy.” You snickered, trying your hardest to focus on the desserts; Tiramisu, Chocolate Orange Gateau, Pecan Pie, Creme Brulé and an endless list of more mouthwatering yumminess.

“Fucking crazy for you, yes.” He kissed your cheek once, twice and then bit it too on the third, making you moan slightly at the exposure of it all. “You used to let me do this kind of thing all the time, what happened hey?”

“I got old.” You laughed, but really you felt saddened by the thought of it. You were approaching your forties and you felt as though time wasn’t on your side anymore. Life was all flying by so fast and it was becoming so hard to stop it for a moment to see how beautiful it all is. Harry could tell you were faking your happiness in that moment and he hated that you felt this way. He loved you. He would worship the ground you walk upon. Nothing would ever be too much of an ask for him if it meant keeping your happy. Yes, you were getting older, but it didn’t mean that was a bad thing. At least you were getting older together and becoming maturer together.

“Talk to me, love.” He gently asked, knowing there was something on your mind that was bothering you.

“I just… I just feel like i’m getting older—”

“You are love, yes.” He interrupted you, which earned him a slap to the thigh. He didn’t let your hand go though, leaving it to rest on his tight thigh.

“And then suddenly that’s going to be it. No more Y/N.”

“Don’t say things like that to me, please love.” Harry shook his head, squeezing your hand a little tighter.

“And I feel like i’ll have regretted not doing so many things. Like I won’t have lived my life.”

“Things like?”

“Things like riding a motorcycle with you. Things like staying up all night with a bottle of wine and a good bit of Elvis. Reckless things, like skinny dipping or crashing a high school party. Things like, having my husband finger fuck me in a public restaurant. I remember when everything seemed so free and chaotic and I loved it. Now I feel stuck.”

“Stuck how, love?” Harry leaned in closer to you, his eyes full of love and determination because if that’s what you wanted he could give you all those things - especially the orgasm.

“I’m a mum, H. You’re a dad. We’re parents,m. Good ones at that. Aren’t we supposed to be grown up and responsible now? We don’t get to take risks anymore, because we have a family right? God, I sound so pathetic.” You sighed and put the menu down, not thinking about which pudding you wanted to fill yourself up with anymore.

“Babe. If you want to ride a motorcycle and go skinny dipping then let’s fucking do it. Why are you so afraid to hold back? Because we have kids, because darling believe me when I tell you - however much it disturbs me - our kids are out doing just as many reckless and crazy things as we used to do. Maybe we should fuck the prestigious system and show our children, all parents - including us - that adulthood, parenthood, doesn’t define the choices you make. We do.”

You couldn’t stop looking at your husband, drinking in every last drop of his beauty. His words filled your heart with rose petals and chocolates, warming you up delightfully. God, you were so lucky to have him. He helped you through the most toughest of times and continued to stick with you, not because a ring says he has to, but because he loves you. Undeniably and irrevocably loves you.

That was all it took for you to comply.

Quickly, you moved one of your legs under the table cloth so it draped over Harry’s thighs and made an opening between your legs. The cloth hid everything well, along with the dirty napkins that sat upon your laps.

“Wh- what are you doing love?” Harry asked confused, after not hearing a word back from you for his earlier speech.

“Harry I love you, I do, but will you just shut up and fuck my pussy with your fingers already.” You whispered wetly against his ear with your lips. He groaned at the words and tightened his grip around your leg, widening the gap he had to work with.

His hand slid underneath your dress slowly, squeezing the flesh of your thighs in tease, until he got to where your panties were. Or at least where they should be.

“Shit, you’re not wearing any pants?” Harry asked quizzically, pushing his fingers against your glistening pussy and feeling just how ready you were for him.

“Oh fuck!” You muffled out before Harry quickly slapped your slit because you were making too much noise, which only then made you squeal a bit more. He slapped your cunt hard enough the second time for you to get the memo that you needed to be quiet - but fuck was that a challenge. As much as you can be quiet, you just don’t like to be. You like knowing that your moans and whines turn Harry in even more, just as much as you love hearing his.

“Fucking hell, soaked already.” His fingers toyed with the folds of your cunt, feeling how puffy they were between his ringed fingers. “Gotta be quiet for me okay?” Just as he started pushing his delicious fingers inside of you, the waiter turned up at the table with a cheery face and not a bouncing clue what was happening between the two of you.

“Desserts?” He asked politely with his charming smile, but you didn’t see it for too long before having to close your eyes shut at the sudden movement of Harrys fingers. He wasn’t stopping on the waiters behalf, in fact he was more forcefully going for it. He moved his fingers in circles inside of you, thumbing over your clit in the way he knew you desired most. He was insatiable.

Reckless.

“No, just the bill please. Need to take my wife home to take care of some things.” Harry spoke for you both, not understanding why he was being so open with the amount of information he was giving away. But fucking hell you didn’t care because his fingers were providing you pleasures beyond reason.

“Yes Sir. I’ll only be two minutes.” He smiled again before he was gone, taking the menus with him.

“Here that baby?” Harry whispered into your ear, moving his fingers more freely now there was less of an audience, “you’ve got two minutes to cum.”

“Wha—”

Questioning his authority would have to wait, for Harry got to work very quickly and perfectly. His fingers slicked in and out of you so erotically and if it wasn’t for the live music and loud chatter of the room, the sounds of his fingers driving in and out of you would be heard by everyone. His fingers curled to all the right places, touching the most sensitive parts of your walls and hell did it feel blissful.

“I’d say you’ve got about a minute left baby, and I think you can cum for me before then. Can’t you? Or am I not good enough for that kind of release anymore?” Harry taunted you and pressed wet kisses to your ear. You were too lost in euphoric paradise to notice, or even care, whether anyone could see or was watching you both. You were too focused on your husband. Your Harry.

“N-no. I can cum. You’re so good - shit - so g-good.” You stammered out, breathless from the air stolen from your lungs because of this erotic moment. This was so bad behaved of you both that you were starting to get a high off of it.

“Cum for me then baby. Do it. I’ve got you.” He kissed your lips to capture the moan that trailed off your tongue as you reached your high. You felt so high and yet so safe. Harry steadied you as your legs shook and kissed you senseless, to quieten your whines. He admired that you had been so willing for this and he would be lying if he said he didn’t have a raging hard-on right now.

“I love you,” you raced out quickly, “I love you.”

“I love you, Y/N.” He kissed your lips again and withdrew his fingers from your dripping cunt. You picked up a napkin but he quite quickly took it away from you, throwing it to the other side of the table.

“What are you doing?” You whisper shouted, needing to clean yourself up.

“More like what are you doing?”

“Cleaning my mess.” You said frustratedly.

“Leave that to me.” He spoke whilst holding intense eye contact with you, bringing his fingers that were coated in your arousal to his lips and sucking them dry. Every last drop worked its way into his mouth and he salivated at the taste - the smell.

“Harry—”

“The bill Sir.” The waiter interrupted you without knowing. Harry took out his wallet and used his card on the card machine, before signing his name on the cheque as if to affirm that he has paid.

“Thank you.” Harry spoke kindly, completely different to how he was with you all but two minutes ago.

“Thank you Sir, Ma’am. Have a lovely rest of your evening.” And he wad gone again with his smile.

Harry turned to you with the largest grin on his face, “Oh we will.”

••••

“Oli stop eating the leftover lasagne it’s for mums lunch!”

Belle was rushing around trying to chill everything down. The party was so out of control that even Oli and Felix were wasted. Megan was blowing hot and cold with her too, so she had no idea where she stood with them.

People were everywhere. Too many people that it was becoming claustrophobic. Felix was currently playing beer pong with a group of his friends, Heather attached at his hip, whilst Oli was sitting on the kitchen countertop eating cold lasagne. The boy was like chuffing Garfield. Belle was doing her best to keep calm, but as the night progressed it started to become worse and worse as it got harder to control.

As Belle turned to leave the kitchen, her brother clearly not listening to her, she bumped into someone. Kyle. Fucking Kyle. The guy who had obsessed over her to the point where Harry was seriously considering getting a restraining order on him to protect his daughter. He was a straight A creep and Belle hadn’t even realised he’d been invited to this party. Then again, over half of these people had most definitely not been invited.

“Oh hey Isabelle.” He stressed her whole name, knowing how much she hated it. Well, she didn’t hate her name she just hated him saying her name.

“Go away Kyle.”

“But I just got here.”

“And now you can just leave. Party’s ending anyways.” Belle stood her ground, but her hands were shaking from being even remotely close to this guy. He was disgusting to the point where if you were stuck between having to choose between being with him or eating mouldy cheese, you’d eat the cheese on a fucking silver platter.

“Looks quite alive to me.”

“Well i’m shutting it down and you’re going to leave. Now.”

“You need to liven up Belle.” Kyle chuckled through his nose, making him look scary as he towered over Belle, “let me help you.” He leaned forwards to grab her arm but she was quick to push him away.

“No! Leave me alone!” Belle shouted, trying to dodge around him but he was quicker. He grabbed her arm tight and pulled her back to him, chest touching chest. “Get off me Kyle.” Belle squirmed in his hold, which only made Kyle happier - the creep.

“C’mon Bella, live a little.”

“My name’s not Bella and I told you to get the fuck off of me.” Belle pulled back with all her might, whilst kicking him square in the balls - probably hard enough so he’ll never be able to have children - and then drove her knee up to crack his nose - successfully. Damn, that felt good. Heavily badass, actually.

“You fucking psycho!” Kyle held his nose and his balls in pain, straightening himself up as if to launch himself with fury at Belle. Luckily for her the outburst between the pair had caught attention of people - including Oli and Felix.

Oli was quick to step in front of Kyle, Felix just behind him. “You dare lay a fucking finger on my sister and I swear to you you’ll regret it.” Oli threatened, fists curled tight at his sides.

Heather came to hug Belle, comforting as she cried through the after shock of the situation. She’d been so brave and handled herself so well though. “You okay?” She kindly asked.

“Y-yeah.” No.

Everyone was now watching. The music had been muted to the point where you could tell it was playing but you couldn’t tell which song it was. Friends of Oli and Felix were standing close by in case things got messy, which normally only happened between the two brothers and not this way. Doors could be heard opening and shutting as people came in and out from places to watch the debacle occur between the hosts of the party and the unwelcome visitor. Oli and Felix knew they had to be careful though, because one wrong video and it could badly effect their dad’s career. Belle shook in Heathers arms and wished this nightmare of an evening to be over.

“Oh the whore’s not worth it anyways.” Kyle laughed, rolling his eyes as he pointed towards Belle.

“The fuck did you just call my daughter?”

Oh fucking shit balls.

“Dad?” Belle asked warily, seeing his dad stood in the doorway of the front door, her mum standing close behind him with her hand tightly clutched to his. As much as Belle was terrified that her parents had busted them, she also felt safe in their presence.

“Oh and here comes perfect-dad-of-the-year Harry Styles to the rescue.” Kyle teased which made Felix move forward in protest of his words.

“Fix.” Harry sternly called his name, making his son stop and look towards his dad who was shaking his head with a soft smile. Harry walked over towards Belle first, you still clutched tightly to him. “You alright?” He asked sincerely, not looking cross or disappointed at all. Belle nodded quickly and kept her head pressed to Heather’s chest. Harry turned to see his boys, raising his eyebrows to wordlessly ask them the same question to which they nodded too.

Harry dropped your hand, leaving you to stand with your sons, and left your forehead with a kiss before making his way to Kyle. “You okay boys?” You asked again, even though you knew Harry just asked.

“Yeah. Are you mum?” Oli asked, coming to wrap his arm around his mums neck to comfort her. He was so kind and thoughtful, just like his dad.

“Listen up, Kyle.” Harry started, keeping a good distance between him and the boy, “If you ever come near my family again i’m ordering a restraining order. That’s not a threat, it’s a promise. If you break that order you’ll be going to jail. Big league jail too. Again not a threat, a promise. So you’re going to leave my house, this property in its’ entirety and go home to sit in your room and think about whether you would prefer to be in a prison cell instead. Do you understand?”

Okay, you’d be lying if you said his authority didn’t turn you on.

“Y-yeah.” Kyle mumbled pathetically.

“I said do you understand?” Harry repeated again, clearly not satisfied with the answer given.

“Yes Mr Styles.” Kyle said more surely, before scramming from the house, from the party and from the neighbourhood.

“Now everyone out of my house before I call the police.” Everyone knew how that was not an empty threat and dashed out of his house. Some looked at him in awe, because this was probably their once and only chance of being in the presence of the Harry Styles. He sighed as he walked to the kitchen, leaning against the kitchen counter to think.

“Should we—” Belle started to talk but you cut her off.

“No, hunny. Let me go talk to your dad. You lot,” referring to your children and girlfriends who’d kindly stayed behind in support, “can go fetch some bin liners and start cleaning this all up.” You pointed around to the mess that was your house, before walking off to the kitchen.

You looked around at the mess. A broken vase. Litter everywhere. Half-drunken drinks left on the table. Bottle openers you definitely didn’t own before tonight. Trousers? You couldn’t help but giggle at the surrounding sight.

“What’s got you laughing?” Harry asked, still in his fancy shoes and fancy coat, you still in your fancy heels and your fancy coat. Yet, you were both standing in what looks like a garbage dump site. Harry moved his hand away from his face and looked at you with a blank expression.

“You were right!” You laughed.

“Your reaction as if that’s a bloody miracle, love, which kind of an ego crush, but continue.” He rolled his eyes and you rolled yours in response. You clicked your way over to him and wrapped your arms around his waist, he kept his wrapped around his own obviously still closing himself off.

“Our kids are being reckless and crazy.” You recalled dinners earlier conversation, smiling up at him in admiration.

“I didn’t actually mean it, it was just a quick way to make you feel better.” He groaned in frustration.

“Well gee thanks babe!” You laughed at the whole irony of this situation. “Harry, babe, look at me,” you had to used your hand to turn his cheek to face you, stroking his cheek to calm him, “adulthood - parenthood - doesn’t define the choices we have to make. We do. And our children, apart from that last little bit, seemed like they had the most freeing and most brilliant night yet! Let them be reckless H. Let them make mistakes. Just because this happened doesn’t make us bad parents, and it doesn’t make us bad parents if we decide no punishment—”

“Ha like that’s going to happen!” Harry cut you off and you glared at him to just shut up.

“Just shut up, you oaf. Let the kids live while they’re young.”

“You did not just reference one of my songs.” Harry looked to the ceiling as he smiled widely, before shortly laughing at how cheesy that was. “Oh my god Y/N!”

“What? Was is that bad?”

“Yes, babe. Yeah it really was.” He looked back down at you to see you smiling and he couldn’t help but cup your cheeks and kiss you silly. His perfect lips fit yours and you tasted him until you couldn’t breathe. “I love you.”

“I love you. Now go help clean up.” You ordered him, making him look at you confused.

“What the hell have I done to deserve this?”

“You booked the hotel for next weekend instead of this weekend you div. Now go.” You smacked his backside and he strolled back over to you and pushed you into the counter. You gasped at the sudden motion.

“Do that again and let’s see what happens.” He whispered dangerously against your lips.

“Go clean up and then see what’s waiting in our bedroom.” You bit your lip and tugged Harry’s hand to under your dress, giving him only a slight feel of how wet you were before letting his hand go and walking away.

“Kids, hand me a bloody bin bag. Now!”

[thebrightsessions]

Entertainment Spotlight: Briggon Snow

Briggon Snow is a Los Angeles-based actor, writer and creator, originally from South Portland, Maine. He is known for voicing Caleb Michaels in The Bright Sessions and The College Tapes, and roles in The Big Loop (Podcast), Seal Team (CBS), Game Shakers (Nickelodeon) and Masters of Sex (Showtime).

Can you share any fun facts about the making of The Bright Sessions and/or The College Tapes that fans would be surprised to find out?

Oh boy. I was just wracking my brain on this and struggling™. “Should I mention the obvious: That we did this remotely? Talk about those challenges?” And then moments ago my husband stepped out onto our balcony where I was staring at my laptop, read this question, and made a very cheeky suggestion. So here we go:

Everyone loves kissing in audio, right? *crickets* No? Only some of you? Well, I know it’s a hot-button topic, but when it comes to squishy romance feelings I’m here for it, I’ll admit. And well, we recorded this in a pandemic, so...no kissing allowed. And how did we get around that? Well, as one of our illustrious and poor defenseless audio designers got to e̶x̶p̶e̶r̶i̶e̶n̶c̶e̶ suffer through...I sent over “roll-the-tape” recordings of me pulling my husband into my home recording booth to - essentially - makeout for all of your enjoyment/cringes. Now...who’s kissing in The College Tapes? You’ll have to wait and hear (again sorry) because...well...reasons...

If you could have a conversation with Caleb, what would you want to talk about?

I’d love to go on trail with him or go camping and just talk about...feelings. I know the feelings/emotions thing is a constant for him so this is a little on the nose - but in playing Caleb and now writing for him too - I was challenged to submerge myself in my heart and mind and body and meditate with the emotions that pass me by every day. Lauren’s writing gave me a roadmap to identify and place things within myself outside of recording (a gift I’ll never be able to repay). And in these last five years I’ve found myself endlessly fascinated with human emotionality and our awareness or lack thereof and how we move throughout life in relationship with the things we feel. I’d love to look Caleb in the eyes and have us be unabashedly open with each other; the good, the bad, the everything.

Do you have a memory from college or young adulthood that you think would make a good College Tapes scene or episode?

It’s funny. I pulled on so many memories and feelings from my time at college. There’s one particular story involving greek life and my freshman roommate that I absolutely stole when writing my episodes. But I have one memory that’s so...nothing really...but so powerful in my life that I’d like to share...

My best friend in college ended up showing me Avatar: The Last Airbender, and when we’d watch it in his dorm, we would naturally smoosh up on his bed and cuddle under a blanket. And for me, a gay kid - just cuddling up with my straight best friend because we loved each other - and it not being weird or joked about when our friends were around - meant - like - everything to me.

Again, not a big crazy college memory. But let’s hear it for the straight boys out there dismantling toxic masculinity one soft action at a time!

If you could be Atypical in real life, would you want to be? If yes, what powers do you think that you would have?

I want to be an Atypical! I’d love to be able to communicate with anyone (+ animals) regardless of language. I want to know people. I love meeting people. I think one of the greatest privileges of being an actor is that we’re thrown together with other folks who (if it’s going right) open themselves up to you and participate in a created intimacy to seek understanding. More than anything, I’m curious and want to be influenced by other perspectives in this life - and the idea of being able to connect with and learn from a person in Morocco or even an Orca Whale off the coast of Washington is *heart eyes*.

Do you have any headcanons (something that you believe to be true that isn’t explicitly stated) about Caleb?

I don’t know if I’m going against actual canon here. After 5 years it’s hard to keep track of what’s in what episode in The Bright Sessions universe. But I’ve always imagined Caleb as a closet master chef of sorts. I think he learned to cook out of necessity growing up; odd hours for practices and games and his parents being a little scattered. And I think by college, Caleb is super impressive in the kitchen. The kitchen - like the gym or sport or nature - is one of his churches.

Can you share your favorite piece of The Bright Sessions fan art?

There have been so many incredible pieces of fan art over the years and I’ve loved them all. It’s wild how transformative fandoms can be. You never know what aspect of a character or a story is going to take hold in a person’s imagination, and all of the different headcanons and pieces of art our strange and unusual family has shared over the years continues to be my favorite part of being in the cast of The Bright Sessions.

(Grayson, ghostcribs)

I’ve always adored Grayson’s imagining of Caleb and Adam. Grayson is one of my very favorite artists ever; so much so that I eventually - nervously - reached out, and now he and I have started work on a little project of our own. And I love that. We all get to (and I think have the responsibility to if we can) inspire each other with what we put out into the world. It’s call and answer and it makes for the best stuff.

Thanks for taking the time, Briggon! Catch The College Tapes, only on Luminary. 

[alltooreid]

Invisible String

Although Spencer Reid and the Reader don’t find themselves in a romance with each other until well into their adulthood, their relationship has been decades in the making. Almost as if something as been pulling them together all these years. 

A/N: sorry for such a long wait but i’ve been struggling a lot mentally as of late. i hope you guys enjoy this one shot!! As always requests are open and heavily encouraged!! And of course this is inspired by the taylor swift song of the same name :)) Also keep in mind although the following scenes are heavily inspired by some scenes in Criminal Minds, elements of them have been slightly altered to fit in Y/N as a character.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Type: a cute strangers to lovers fluff fic!

Word Count: 3.9K

Content Warnings: typical criminal minds case discussion, mentions of child trafficking when discussing this case, but no real detail. slight spoilers for season eight (beginning maeve stuff) and tiny spoilers for season fifteen (briefly mentions max but nothing really important to the plot at all)

“Time, curious time Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs Were there clues I didn't see?”

You had met Spencer Reid 3 times before you had really met him.  

It was almost silly to think about it now. Now that you and Spencer have been dating for 3 years, it was strange to believe there were so many chances for you two to meet years earlier.

When you were sixteen years old, you got your first part time job. You worked at a self-serve frozen yogurt shop called Iced Dreams. You hated it so much. Your manager was a total creep, your older coworkers were rude and condescending to you, since you were one of the youngest people working there, but most of all you hated the uniforms.

Consisting of a very stupid looking hat, bright pink with randomly embrodiered teal patterns, an outdated bright teal shirt, it had been given to you from a dirty bin in the back, and judging by the sewn in shoulder pads, it had to be at least a couple decades old.

So one day, you didn’t wear the hat.

It wasn’t entirely purposeful. You couldn’t find it, you searched your room, you searched your car, so eventually you had to leave without it to prevent being late. Still, as you clocked it and passed the box of extras in the office something made you decide to leave it alone.

You were about 8 minutes into your shift when your manager approached you. “Y/N? Where’s your hat sweetheart?” You hated this man so much. You had gone to your parents time and time again, recounting his creepy behavior towards you and the other teenage girls who you worked with, but they refused to let you quit.

When you had started working there, he used to enforce this ridiculous rule that all the female workers had to wear skirts as part of their uniform, but you had gathered all the sixteen and seventeen year olds who worked there and all threatened to quit if he didn’t change the policy. So you were no stranger to breaking and defying the rules.  

“Yeah I couldn’t find it, sorry.” you shrugged.

He chuckled and reached his hat out to touch your face. You jerked back, you almost wanted to refuse to wear one of the stupid extra hats just so that you could get fired.

“Well, Y/N its policy sweetie. No matter how special you are to me you still need to wear the hat. There’s extras in the office.”

“No way I’m wearing one of those. I bet they have like lice or something.”

He pursed his lips and sighed “Well I suppose that beautiful hair is just too pretty to wear a used hat huh. . . What do you suggest? If you’re working you have to wear it.”

You laughed, “Well you could let me go home.”

He paused, “Why don’t you go sit in the office, I’ll come talk to you in a minute.”

So you did, for about 10 minutes you sat in the office, surrounded by frozen yogurt flavor marking posters and boxes of old uniforms, and each passing minute you feared for the worst. Maybe you were actually getting fired? You really didn’t want to go that far, because, as much as you hated it, you really needed this job.

When your manager finally came to talk to you he held a small salted caramel frozen yogurt, your personal favorite flavor, and a twenty dollar bill. He handed them both to you.

“You seem so stressed Y/N, why don’t you take the day and go get lunch. My treat,” he said, smiling that weird twisted smile that always made your full body shiver.

However you were broke as hell, and no teenager in their right mind would ever pass up free food, so you took it, grabbed your keys and started to leave

Yet as soon as you walked out the back door you dropped your frozen yogurt, cup fully upside down, onto the pavement. You cursed, you hadn’t even taken a bite of it yet, and it looked like he had put coconut flakes on it, and you loved coconut. Still, you had your twenty bucks, and that was a pretty sweet pay out considering you were only clocked in for about 20 minutes.

So you got Chinese food, and spent what was supposed to be your shift in the shopping mall across town, completely and blissfully unaware of the fact the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI was dragging your manager away in handcuffs.

➽───────────────❥

Young Spencer Reid had only joined the FBI about a month ago. Despite being a genius, and providing crucial information to the solving of cases, he was aware of the most obvious. He was only twenty two years old, and he was scrawny as hell.

He felt this intense need to prove himself, especially to make Gideon proud.

So when they got a case about a the kidnapping and sex trafficking of teenage girls, he saw it as something he could really involve himself in. Based on the profile, it wasn’t going to be a large, strong, confident unsub who Morgan needed to tackle. This man would be ugly sure, but he would be a manipulative mastermind. Reid could work with that, he could prove himself.

He surprised everyone with his sheer work ethic and determination to find this man, and through consistently revising and delivering the profile soon enough they got a hit. A young woman in her early twenties called the tipline and reported her own manager. Insisting he fit the profile perfectly, and described how strangely he treated the minors who worked there, and how he almost exclusively hired young girls, treated them great and then switched as soon as they became legal.

So Garcia did her magically digging, and soon enough the FBI was tearing up a frozen yogurt shop, looking for any evidence of pedophilia. Garcia was even brought along, as she was pivotal to discovering any secret files in his computer.

At first, all they could find were strange compilation videos and under employees skirts. Spencer, and the rest of the team, were struggling to connect how he could get so many videos from an angle like this without anyone noticing or reporting him, until Gideon uncovered an old dusty pair of shoes, in which the right one held a small camera at the toe.

Although this was absolutely disgusting, it wasn’t enough to prove he was running the ring or kidnapping the girls, so Garcia kept digging. Meanwhile, Spencer tried to make himself useful by checking out the back of the store.

That’s where he found your clock-out receipt.

“Hey guys, we might want to take a look at this,” he shouted out.

Morgan grabbed the paper from his hand, “Ok, I don’t get it kid, it’s trash.”

Spencer pointed to the details on the slip, “Yeah but it says here she clocked out 18 minutes ago after only working for 23 minutes and 46 seconds. If this guy is our unsub, this girl could be in a lot of trouble.”

“Maybe she’s still here, has anyone checked out the parking lot yet?”

Spencer shook his head, and followed Morgan out the back door. There they discovered some almost completely melted salted caramel frozen yogurt.

Morgan bent down to investigate, “Yeah, we gotta get this to the lab, but I can tell you right now that there’s clearly more than just coconut topping this yogurt. It also means we have another victim.”

Spencer crouched down as well, “Not necessarily.”

“What do you mean kid? We’re missing a teenage girl and we’ve already found illegal evidence on this guy's computer. She’s in trouble.”

“Well judging the shape and inscription of these pills it appears to be some pretty strong rohypnol, almost certainly prescription grade. And ingesting it like this means she probably would have begun to feel its effects fairly early, I would predict 15 minutes. She clocked out 18 minutes ago, so even if she left exactly at that time she would have certainly crashed her car on the way home. The nearest residence is 8 minutes away from here, we’re in a complete shopping district. There’s only two cars out here and neither have a passed out driver, so I would bet she didn’t eat any of it. Also, the only spoon out here is still wrapped in plastic, “ Spencer analyzed.

Morgan sighed, “Well what do we even do then?”

Before Spencer could answer Hotch opened the back door. “We got him.”

Spencer turned to Morgan, “I’m sure her phone number is somewhere inside, I say we call her and make sure she’s ok. She probably doesn’t even know this is happening right now.”

So he did find your phone number, and although he initially pushed the phone to Morgan, he just chuckled and pushed it back.

“No way pretty boy. You’re the know-it-all with all that profiling out there, you can call her,” and before he could protest Morgan left, so Spencer was left to call you.

And strangely, for it being the first time he would ever interact with the love of his life, he thought nothing of it.

And that was the first time you had met Spencer Reid.

➽───────────────❥

The second time was years and years later, when you were waitressing night shifts to make extra money. You had never forgotten meeting Spencer Reid the first time, but this was the first time you would ever see his face.

You were slightly concerned when you got a call from a man, whose name you had now long forgotten, claiming he worked for the FBI. Although you weren’t incredibly surprised to hear your manager committed such heinous crimes against children, you were taken aback by how close you had come to becoming one of his victims.

But that was 9 years ago. In your college days it became a fun story you told at frat parties, but you were 25 now. Sometimes you would think about the incident when you couldn’t sleep, and if you were feeling feisty you would use it as an icebreaker or a “two truths, one lie” statement, but otherwise you didn’t really think about it.

You had plenty of other things to worry about, in fact, that’s exactly why you worked so much. It was so much easier to forget when you were constantly preoccupied with complaining customers and terribly awkward blind dates.

You had just sat this man, incredibly handsome, however it was clear he was on some kind of date. His reservation was for two, and he spent way too much time adjusting his clothes and table setting for him to not be trying to impress someone special. He also brought a gift, which judging by the packaging and shape, seemed to be some kind of wrapped book.

Even though he was 15 minutes early for his own reservation, he still looked really nervous, almost like he already believed she might not show up. You couldn’t help yourself, you had to go talk to him.

“Anyone ever tell you you should model?” you started with.

He looked up “Excuse me?”

“Sorry for being so bold, you just look so familiar,” he weirdly sounded very familiar as well, but you didn’t tell him that. “Are you sure you haven’t modeled? You have excellent bone structure. I bet you could.”

He laughed to himself, “yeah I’m sure.”

“Well your date is very lucky either way. I wish I had a boyfriend as handsome as you. Actually I wish I had a boyfriend period, but that’s a whole other story.”

He chuckled, and although you knew in your heart that you shouldn’t be flirting with him considering he was 15 minutes away from being actively on a date talking to him made you feel something you hadn’t felt in a long time. “What happened with your boyfriend? Do I even dare ask?”

“Well I kind of always knew he wasn’t super interested in me, but I really liked him, so I did my best to ignore his wandering eyes,” you sighed. “That didn’t stop him from leaving me for his coworker though.”

“That’s terrible.”

You smirked, “That’s not even the worst part, he broke up with me over a 27 second phone call. He didn’t even let me respond, he just kind of hung up.”

“I’m sorry, no one deserves that. Especially not you. I’ve only been talking to you for a couple minutes and I can tell that.”

“Oh really? What makes you so sure?”

“I’m pretty good at reading people.”

You smiled, “Well I should probably stop flirting with you now, considering your date hasn’t even started yet. And don’t worry, she’ll show, you’re so handsome she’d be stupid not to.”

He looked confused. “You were flirting with me?”

You laughed, “I thought you were good at reading people?”

He smiled back at you, and it made your heart soar, this silly, pure goofy smile that made you want to replace his date and have dinner with him right then and there.

You walked back to your hostess stand. A couple minutes later you noticed the handsome stranger on the phone. You thought nothing of it until later when a woman came in, clearly nervous, holding a gift bag.

“Can you give this to Spencer Reid for me please?” You recognized the name, the man you were just speaking with had filed his reservation under it.

“Um, yeah sure, aren’t you going to go in? He’s at that table over the-” but before you could finish your sentence the woman was gone. Your heart sank, poor Spencer, how could someone drop their date off a gift but stand them up anyway? That’s just cold.

When you get up to bring the gift to him, he’s already heading out of the restaurant himself.

“Sir? Spencer? Dr. Reid?” he turned his head. “A lady came in and dropped this off for you.”

His face dropped, it almost looked like he was about to cry. “Thank you,” he said as he looked up at you before leaving.

He ran out the door, both gifts in hand and whipped his head around a few times before sighing and speeding off in one direction. Even before you learned what happened after that and leading up to it, you felt terrible for the handsome stranger.

How could you not for someone so clearly distressed? Someone so clearly in love?

➽───────────────❥

7 years and a divorce later you were spending your Saturday in a park, strangely contemplating love itself. Although you barely remember that night all those years ago when you spoke to Spencer, he did. Vividly. In fact, on this Saturday you both were in a public park, contemplating your many failed attempts at true love.

It was your first wedding anniversary without your husband. Although you had only been married for two years, you still were having a hard time navigating life without him. 

You started to wonder if you would ever find the true love you had been wishing for since your youth. Was 32 too late? Had you lived out all of your opportunities?

When you were little your mother had told you that all soulmates were attached at the left ring fingers, by small, incredibly thin strands of gold string, invisible to the naked eye. She insisted that these strings were constantly trying to pull you and your soulmate together, and that when life was ready for you two to meet, you would. 

Until then, you would have small, mindless interactions. Things you wouldn’t think about, maybe even things that weren’t interactions at all. You would get the same commercial jingle stuck in your head. You would both get an intense craving for the same food. You’d have the same dream. 

As a kid you were obsessed with this idea, you thought it was so romantic, and you fully believed everything your mom told you about it. You always asked her for more stories, and at bedtime you refused to sleep unless she would tell you more.

But now you were sure soulmates, true love even, didn’t exist. The invisible pretty gold strings your mother weaved fantastic stories with were completely fabricated. If they weren’t, you would have seen the clues by now.

Right?

➽───────────────❥

Spencer Reid was given an assignment from his therapist. He had to spend his Saturday off trying to interact with a stranger. Making friends with someone other than his colleagues may seem like a simple task for some, but it was something the young genius had almost no experience with.

He understood that it was probably for the best. He wasn’t exactly great with relationships of any kind, but especially not romantic ones. It didn’t take a genius to know that a couple of flirtations, a dead girlfriend he had only seen once, and a long time unrequited (or at least he thought unrequited) infatuation with his best friend and godsons’ mother was not a very great track record.

He, just like you, was also beginning to believe that he was hopeless when it came to love. That 38 was too old, that his time to meet someone and have the children he dreamed of had long passed.

But right as he was about to call JJ, to see if she would invite him in on the case Garcia had started to work on, he saw you.

Unlike you, he remembered your face and your interaction vividly. That almost date with Maeve was one of the biggest defining moments of his life, and what are the chances that the waitress from that very night was now less than 30 feet away from him, reading under the green leaves of a tree.

He wasn’t going to say anything, until he saw the book you were reading.

The Narrative of John Smith.

It must have been a sign, for what he wasn’t exactly sure yet, but it just had to mean something. The universe had to be reaching out to him, he had experienced crazier things.

And just as he was about to walk over to you, to close the gap between the gold strings tied around your ring fingers, a child interrupted his train of thought.

“That’s a strange haircut.”

➽───────────────❥

Derek Morgan and Spencer Reid were finally reuniting after many years. They barely got to see each other these days, but even though he was teaching and working at the BAU, Spencer still was willing to clear his schedule to second Derek suggested they meet up.

Morgan was excited as well, both to see his friend and to hopefully help him get a date. Sure, he had liked what he had heard about Max, but he wasn’t exactly surprised it had only lasted a couple months between her and Spencer. They just seemed too different.

Plus, now he got the chance to play wingman again, and he was ecstatic about that. Spencer not so much.

“I don’t know Morgan, it’s only been a couple months since we broke up. Wouldn’t it be too early to start talking to other people?”

“Pretty boy, you and I both know that the rate in which you’ve had relationships is not even close to the average. You need to balance that out somehow.”

Spencer sighed, he knew Derek was right, but he still felt strange.

“Morgan, have you ever heard of the red string of fate?”

“No, but I’m sure I’m about to hear all about it.”

“It’s an East Asian philosophy, based on the discovery that the ulnar artery connects the heart with the pinky finger, actually that’s where the belief in pinky promises come from. The reason it’s integrated in so many different cultures is that-”

“Kid, you’re losing me here,” Morgan interrupted. “Finish your thing about the string.”

“Oh yeah, sorry. It’s the idea that human relations are predestined by a red string that the gods tie to the pinky fingers of those who find each other in life. Legend has it that the two people connected by this thread will have an important story, regardless of the time, place or circumstances. The red string might get tangled, contracted or stretched, as surely often happens, but it can never break. Essentially, the idea is that although we might not realize it, our lives move in a pre-ordained direction, guided by invisible strings that are woven into the fabric of the Universe itself. And all the while, the red thread connecting us to our distant soulmates is getting shorter.”

“Well it’s an interesting theory kid, but it’s a lot to think about. I mean, we’re in a bar, let loose a little bit. Not every interaction has to be about getting closer to your soulmate. And sure, maybe you’ll meet them one day, maybe even soon. But you’re here now, and just because your one true love may not be, doesn’t mean it’s not worth it to be here.”

Spencer sighed, “You’re right. I don’t even know if I believe in that anyway, maybe I’m just looking for something to explain this all.

Derek patted his friend on the shoulder, “okay pretty ricky, this is how it’s about to go down. I’m going to buy you two drinks. You’re going to take both of them, and go find someone, anyone here to go talk to.”

“Ok, I think I can do that. Who?”

Derek looked around, trying to find who he believed would be the best match for his friend. “How about her?” he asked, pointing at you.

Spencer couldn’t believe it when he looked. There you were, the girl, the one he had met three times before, even if he could only remember two. The woman he knew was some sort of universe sent sign that Saturday he saw you underneath the greenery. The girl he was so close to talking to before he was interrupted by Max’s nephew. The woman who (and he obviously did not know this at the time) he would marry 3 years later. The one who would carefully knit the baby blankets for all of their friends and exes. The one who he would adopt 3 children with. The woman who, he was now sure, was at the other end of his invisible string. The girl he needed to talk to right now.

“Is it just me,” Morgan said, “Or does she look kind of familiar?”

“Yes,” Spencer responded, “yes she does.” He got up quickly and started making strides towards you.

“Wait!” Morgan called, “You forgot your drinks!”

“I don’t need them!” he shouted back. When he sat down next to you, you smiled. It made his heart soar, you had this silly, pure goofy smile that made him want to ask you out right then and there.

Instead he settled on the only conversation starter he could think of.

“Have you ever heard of the invisible string story?”

And you couldn’t help but laugh.

“A string that pulled me Out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons One single thread of gold tied me to you”

- Thank you for reading! Please reblog and let me know what you think :))

[juniorgman187]

Spoiled Rotten (Reid Fic)

Summary: After Spencer went radio silent on Reader while he was in prison, their pride and stubbornness threatens to tear them apart forever. Reader’s forced to mourn the death of who they were and experience the inner turmoil of navigating who they are.

A/N: Y’all are gonna kill me for the ending, but it’s one hell of a way to go.  Pairing: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid Category: Angst Content Warning: Imprisonment, humiliation, abandonment, anger, frustration, angst, yelling, fighting Word Count: 5.3k Playlist: Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo

Time jumps are indicated by “. . .” or “_ _ _”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

A rather unfortunate predicament we’ve found ourselves in tonight. I can’t say I’ve ever been quite this uncomfortable in my life, yet I’m careful not to speak too soon. Because I know the second Spencer opens his mouth to break the silence we’re currently sitting in, I’ll stand corrected. 

“You’re breathing really hard,” He tells me out of nowhere. 

See, I stand corrected. 

Now that I’ve become hyper aware of my own inhale and exhale, my respiration is just that much more restricted. I’m practically holding my breath at this moment - both from the anticipation of catching this unsub in the act and giving Spencer one less thing to scrutinize about me. 

“I didn’t say you had to stop breathing,” He tacks on as if it would put me any more at ease. Not that if he had explicitly said such a thing, I would’ve. 

Unlike other people, I wasn’t exactly jumping at the chance to throw myself at his feet so he’d like me. But to use that as grounds for his disdain would be foolish. Our rancor went deeper than the basic lack of synergy between us. 

And in the spirit of getting to the bottom of that abyssal pit, I finally asked the question with words that always seemed to hang above but never would form. 

“Why was I the only one denied visitation while you were in prison?” 

It may surprise you to know that it wasn’t always like this between us; we were actually close once, although it is hard to imagine that version of us ever really existing. However, if I think about it hard enough, I can remember with perfect clarity who we used to be. 

. . .

“Jeez, you really don’t like these things do you?” I nudged him playfully before feeling instantly guilty once I witnessed the result of my shove that must’ve been a little too much for all 120 (at most) pounds of him. I’d neglected to remember the strength I held over the lanky Doctor as well as neglected to notice where the trajectory of my push would land him - in the direct line of a circus clown walking the opposite direction as us. This, of course, brought him face to face with the character. Unfortunately, I managed to catch a glimpse of the lens of Spencer’s glasses grazing the white face paint of the caricature. 

After a shudder of mortification and a very brave shriek, Spencer ran to my other side to be as far away from the clown as possible and apparently, as close to me as possible. From a distance, you’d think we were conjoined simply by the way he was glued to me - shoulder to shoulder, elbow to elbow, hip to hip, thigh to thigh. 

While removing his glasses to clean them off with the hem of his blazer, he answered, “Carnivals? I mean, what’s not to like? What with the loud noises, the heart-attack-inducing food that’s more grease than actual food, or the sheer amount of bacteria harboring on each and every handle, hoop, ball, or button of these ridiculous game booths.” 

“Wow, you really don’t like carnivals.” I should’ve figured. 

“Nope. Never have and probably never will.” 

As someone who looked forward to the fair every summer of her childhood, any aversion to carnivals broke my heart. I had a fondness for them borne in adolescence that I couldn’t quite justify now in my adulthood. 

“But they’re fun!” was the best argument I could muster. The whine in my voice being provoked by the possibility that the higher the shrill of my pitch, the easier he’d be to sway. Turns out, Dr. Reid was not nearly as susceptible to my auditory persuasion as I might’ve thought he was. Just a stone cold, inconvincible slab of steel. 

“I’m sorry. I know you brought me here because you love these things, but I just can’t get past the ...” He surveyed the fair, ostensibly against his will, in search of the perfect word to describe our surroundings. “Filth.”

I would’ve argued in the defense of the carnival, mentioning how it’s endearing that the only bathrooms for miles were porta potties, and that the screaming, crying, sticky children galore just added to the attraction, and that there was a hidden charm to the way the roller coasters creaked beyond their means with every ride. 

But to an extent, I agreed. It was rather filthy, and I wasn’t much of a germaphobe myself so to someone like him, this would be hell on earth. 

“Well, you get what you put into it. If you’re willing to overlook some minor imperfections, I really think you’d enjoy this place.” 

Spencer by now had his hands in his pockets and his walking pace had slowed to a complete halt. There was a moment of skepticism, followed by a partially open smile to make way for the laughter that escaped from the disbelief that he felt for letting me break his resolve so easily. 

“Alright then. What do you want to do first, Brat?” 

The nickname I’d earned could be seen as meanspirited, but truly, it was affectionately diminutive. Like all good nicknames are. And like the proclaimed Brat I was, I’d taken him to all my favorite parts of the fair. 

First came the bumper cars to ease him into the experience - as ironic as that sounds. He was reluctant to submerge his gangly body into a mini vehicle, much less one that’d been inhabited by God knows how many people before us, but he pushed his reservations aside when he realized he’d get to slam into my car (safely, of course). 

Secondly, we went on the Carousel, but this was only in preparation for the real ride that I wanted to take him on next - the Swinging Chairs. He’d gotten a little nauseous, from both the repetitive circling and the galvanized chains he had to hold that were definitely held by several others. 

He had no interest in going on the Gravitron - super lame, I know - so we opted for the Ferris Wheel instead. I didn’t mind making this compromise so much after recognizing all that he’d done for my benefit that night. And for his generosity and selflessness, I thought it only fitting to end the night going somewhere so tame he couldn’t possibly have any opposition to it.

The photo booth.

The booth in particular we’d gone to was smaller than an airplane bathroom, if you can imagine that. The bench seat was barely wide enough to fit Spencer, let alone seat the both of us. While he didn’t explicitly make the offer to let me sit on his lap, it was kind of a give in that I’d have some part of my body intertwined around him like stubborn ivy. 

. . .

I still laugh thinking about the tangled mess of limbs we were below what the camera couldn’t capture. It was arguably the furthest extent of contortionist work I wanted to do in my lifetime, and henceforth exceedingly uncomfortable, and yet, I’d never felt more at home than when I was in his arms. 

That night he would tear off the top three photos to keep for himself while I kept the bottom three photos. 

To this day, I have never seen the pictures that he kept, and I’m left to wonder if he had them at all.

Because I still have mine. And they were virtually the only thing keeping me sane throughout his trial and subsequent imprisonment. 

Six Months Ago ...

My eyes were locked on the loose thread of my cardigan that I was rolling between my fingers anxiously. 

“Would you stop that?” Penelope swatted my hand away from my sweater. “You’re making me nervous just looking at you.” She grumbled. 

“Sorry,” I apologized bleakly.

A few seconds later she groaned again, making me think I was still doing something bothersome, but it turned out to be just the opposite. “Ugh, I know that sounded mean, and I hate when I sound mean, but I can feel my forehead creasing from the stress, and watching you fidget is going to give me an ulcer.”

“I wish I could help it. I’m just really worried about him.”

“Well I am, too, but that’s not gonna do us any good right now. All we can do is hope for the best.”

Sometimes Penelope’s overly optimistic view on life was futile and unwelcome, and truthfully, this was one of those times. 

“Penny?” 

As she turned her head, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the lenses of her dark green glasses. I could see my own mournful expression as I asked, “What if he’s found guilty?” 

She started to say something but stopped herself. “Right now, all we need to focus on is his bail. We can worry about a verdict later.” She put her hand on top of mine and shook it briefly to remind me that we were in this together. 

Moments later recess was over and the team came trudging back into the courtroom. 

The sound of the judge clearing her throat and our footsteps on the floor made this feel all too normal. 

How could Spencer’s life be hanging in the balance in such a place as non-intimate as this? 

It frustrated me how casual things felt today and how everyone was acting normally. Prentiss had yet to bat an eye, Rossi’s stoic expression never changed, and Penelope was telling me not to worry. Everyone was acting so aloof. 

My eyes darted to Spencer, who was looking back at us woefully. I couldn’t bear to see him like that any longer, so I kept my head down and stared at my feet after I took my seat. 

Even when I closed my eyes, I was haunted by the vision of him in a suit, just like one he’d wear to work. But instead, he was wearing it for this - this vastly different situation. 

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at him the same in one anymore. I’ll probably just remember this particular look on his face, in this god awful courtroom, during this horribly nauseating circumstance. 

If one thing was for certain, it was that this would all come back to me if I ever laid eyes on him in a suit, and that thought fucking terrified me. 

Because that one thought spiraled into the next: Everything was bound to change after this. Every little thing would change in every little way. 

Spencer’s lawyer, the judge, and the prosecutor were going back and forth for a while, but I tuned it all out because I knew if I had tuned in, I wouldn’t have been able to hold back my arguments. Eventually, though, I heard something I could no longer ignore. 

“If past behavior is the best indicator of future conduct, and I do believe it is, then your client presents a flight risk.”

I stood up immediately, getting a head rush from the speed. I knew what was to follow, so I needed to be on my feet the second I heard it. Maybe so I could run and escape before I had to.

“Bail is denied. The defendant will remain in federal custody pending trial.” 

“Spencer!” I shouted, losing all the composure I’d been trying to maintain. I reached for him as if he was at any capacity to reach back and hold me. God, I needed him to hold me. Hold me like how he did at the carnival. 

Hold me.

Luke held me back as I fought to be near him.

“Let me go!” I screamed, trying to break free of his tight grip. Spencer could only stand and stare, mirroring my own wistful glance. He mouthed something to me that I couldn’t quite make out, but if I knew him at all, he probably said something about not wanting me to worry about him. 

“(Y/n), (y/n) it’s gonna be alright.” JJ reasoned, pulling me into a hug. 

“How long before this case goes to trial?” I heard Prentiss whisper to Spencer’s lawyer. 

“It’s a complicated case. I’d say three months maybe?” 

Immediately, I worked myself out of JJ’s arms and pushed my way through the team, running up to the barrier between us.

“Spence!” I cried out in anguish. 

To the sound of my voice, he glanced over his shoulder sadly. He wasn’t even shocked I’d been able to get so close to him - he seemed to expect it, and for that, he was sad. Because he knew if I was going to be as stubborn as to fight to get to him at this hearing, then I was going to be stubborn enough to reach him in prison, too. And should he find himself behind bars, he knew that I’d get to him one way or another. 

That is if he’d let me. 

“Be strong,” He weakly smiled. ‘For me’ his sad eyes begged in addition. He held my gaze for as long as he possibly could before disappearing into another room. 

As I watched him walk away, I could feel my heart shattering and crumbling into the pit of my stomach. Perhaps that was a premonition, a true gut feeling, telling me something I at the time couldn’t have known and wouldn’t have accepted. 

That was the last time I would see Spencer. 

People always say when something unbelievable happens, it doesn’t feel real, but this? Nothing felt more real and more intense than this. 

There was no other way for me to see this situation but as the first defeat in an endless line of them.

If Spencer was denied bail, what else could happen to him? Could he be found guilty too? Because prior to this, the denial of his bail seemed impossible. He posed no flight risk, but according to the judge, he did. So if what I once thought to be impossible happened, then it could and would happen again.

I knew Spencer was going to be found guilty.

What I didn’t know, though, was how I was going to live with myself from then on.

I didn’t go that day. 

I knew myself too well. So did the others, which is why they didn’t object to my decision not to come to Spencer’s trial. They knew I was better off staying home. Especially, if there was the chance that I might react hysterically again.

I didn’t stay home, though. That part the team never found out about. 

I went to visit Diana instead. A much wiser choice, in my opinion. 

“You know, we’ve been talking so much about Spencer today, but we haven’t talked about you yet,” said Diana. 

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.” I feigned a polite smile. 

“You thought I wouldn’t notice?” She tilted her chin downward and gave me that sly grin of hers. 

“No, no, of course not. I know better than to underestimate the Diana Reid.” I quipped, making her smile widen. “I just figured you’d wanna spend your time talking about someone much more interesting.” 

“Oh please, Spencer and I talk about you all the time.”

I perked up from the checker piece I was fiddling with. “You do?”

“Mhm,” She nodded over and over again. “I always knew there was something between you two because you could always talk about each other to me, but for some reason, you could never actually talk to each other.”

For the first time in months, I genuinely laughed and I couldn’t help it. “He makes me nervous! I always feel like he might correct something I say, or tell me that there’s food in my teeth.” 

“You know, now that you mention it, I do remember him saying something about seeing a really big piece of lettuce in your teeth one time.” 

“Diana!” I squealed, pushing the checkerboard at her, pretending to take offense. 

“I really don’t know what you’re so nervous about! I think it would be good if you just talked to him.” 

“It’s, um, it’s not that simple. Not right now, at least.” 

My energy quickly nose-dived and I tried to do my best to hide it from Diana, but it permeated through the rest of the visit. I couldn’t fully enjoy myself after it. 

The team and I all agreed not to let Diana know, especially not with the uncertainty of the case. There was no point riling her up if there was nothing to be worried about. And I could only imagine how I reacted - Diana would be reacting 10 times more hysterically. 

But as much as I hated to say it, I almost would’ve rather been in her position. 

I would give anything to un-know Spencer’s circumstance.

Present Time ...

In this car, there was nowhere for him to run or hide, not like before.

Anytime I so much as entered his gravity by being in the same room, he’d flee the space in the next breath. Granted, he couldn’t really avoid me entirely. We did have to be on the same flight for an extended period of time, but he made that work by letting me choose my spot first, then choosing a spot directly on the opposite side of the jet. 

What a gentleman, huh?

“Kudos to you, by the way. For managing to avoid me for this long. I imagine it’s been as not-easy as it has been incredibly-cowardly.” My words stung as they flowed from my lips as badly as I imagine they seared his already cracked skin. I couldn’t believe that now that I finally had the opportunity to talk to him, I was using it to be petty and passively aggressive. But then again, I could. 

Because after what he put me through, he deserved to feel the full severity of my indignation.

My only wish was that he knew exactly how I had felt when I found out. 

. . .

Icarus. 

He died tragically while using artificial wings, invented by his father, to escape from the Labyrinth. When Icarus flew too close to the sun, it melted the wax that held the wings together, and he fell into the sea.

‘Don’t fly too close to the sun.’ That’s the moral of the story. That’s what Reid was trying to tell me. But I didn’t listen. 

I flew too close. 

I had approached the window with more zeal than this predicament warranted. 

“I’m (y/n) (y/l/n). I’m here to see Spencer Reid, R-E-I-D,” I eagerly spelt his last name with ease as though it were my own last name. 

She’d flipped back and forth between pages, running her index finger up and down the sheet for far too long that it made me worry. Turns out, I had every right to be worried. 

“I don’t see you on the list, ma’am.” 

I was so mindnumbingly dumb that I couldn’t even see how dumb I was being. “Oh no no no, I’m with the FBI. I called earlier and left a message, remember?” 

“Yeah, I remember you,” She smiled politely, giving me the tiniest fragment of hope. “But you’re not on his list.” Only for it to be shattered in an instant. 

I had yet to process or accept this information. “So what does that mean?”

“It means he doesn't wanna see you right now. And frankly, neither do I. Next!” 

“Wait, could you just please check with him? My name is (y/n) -” 

“Ma’am, you are holding up a whole line of people that wanna see their loved ones too, so I suggest you see yourself out before I call security to help see you out.” 

I knew by her tone of the word ‘help’ that meant a prison guard would most likely forcibly remove me from the premises, and the last thing I needed was to feel even more humiliated. 

I got plenty of that when I had to come back to the BAU. 

“You’re not on the list?” Luke seemed genuinely shocked. More so than I was. Above all, I just felt really stupid. 

“I’m sure it was just a mistake.” Stephen reasoned. He was so good at being level-headed. Which normally, I would’ve loved. But right now, it only fueled the fire burning in my chest.

“That’s what I thought at first, too. But later on, she asked him herself, and he said - and I quote, ‘I don’t want to see her. Not now. Not ever.’”

. . .

Those were the words that seared my skin, and he hadn’t even spoken them directly to me to do it. 

The words that did just enough to heal me back to health were, of course, Penelope’s.

“Since you haven’t seen him yet, the rest of us will just wait until you have. It’s only fair that you have your first turn before the rest of us go back for a second time.” 

Back then, it was easy to hold out hope, but the more and more time passed, the more he kept denying my visits. Therefore, the more my hope began to fade. 

It had been weeks since anyone else had seen him before I finally surrendered. Although I had newly-brewing sourness towards Reid, it didn’t feel fair to deny him everyone else’s presence until mine was permitted. 

Luke was the one who volunteered to visit first. And to my dismay, Spencer didn’t fight against it. 

The proof was finally there. Now I could say with absolute certainty: Spencer just didn’t want to see me. 

It was both ironic and utterly frustrating to think about how I’d never gone more than two weeks without seeing him. Even when the BAU got time off after big cases, we’d always spend that time together. The longest we’d spent apart was 12 days. And right when he came back to D.C, we were attached at the hip for the next week, trying to compensate for all that time we were apart. 

Now, look at us. I haven’t said one word to him in half a year. 

If tragedy and comedy could coexist, this would be it. 

“How is he?” I asked Luke as soon as he got back. 

“He’s holding on,” Luke affirmed with confidence. What he said next lacked any of that. “He told me to tell you not to worry about him.” 

Something in me knew it was a lie. “Did he actually say that?”

His lack of an answer was one itself. 

“Did he say anything at all about me?”

“I tried telling him how much you wanted to see him, but he just brushed it off. I’m sorry, (y/n).” 

This became my routine for the months to follow. Every time someone would come back from the prison, I’d ask them if they talked about me, but the answer was always no. After a while, it had gotten to the point where I purposefully started leaving myself out of the loop. At least in that case, it was by my own volition that I was being excluded, not by a predicament being forced on me. 

Not by Spencer. 

“We’re not doing this right now,” Spencer declaration brought me back to the present, where I found him removing himself from both the conversation and the vehicle. When I heard the latch click to open, my hand reflexively flew to my auto-lock to prevent him from leaving. Naturally, he still managed to escape using his door’s button.

If I couldn’t stop him, then I could follow him. 

“Then when will we do this? Huh, Spencer? When? Because anytime I try to talk to you, you run away.” The mere fact that I was speed-walking after him was proof. While he casually strolled down the sidewalk paying me no mind, I tried to be clever and walk down the street so we’d be somewhat side to side. I was tired of staring at his back every time he walked away. I needed to see his face.

For his every stride, I had to take at least three steps. He was gliding through the world so effortlessly as I was trekking my uphill battle. It was quite fitting, though. Further exemplification that, between us, I was fighting harder to preserve the people we used to be, the relationship we used to have. Meanwhile, he couldn’t care less. A stone cold, inconvincible slab of steel. Just like he always was. 

As I began to speak, I had to also be conscious of the parked cars along the curb, being careful to weave in and out. 

“For months, you have blatantly ignored me. The entire time you were in prison, you denied my visits. And it’s not like it was a one time thing. I tried to visit you over 100 times while you were in jail! 100 times I got rejected. 100 times I got turned away. 100 times my heart shattered.” 

By now, I was speaking so loudly that I could see household lights within neighboring homes turning on. I hadn’t even realized how far we’d walked down the street and away from our car, but it was the last thing on my mind. 

“Then after you were released, it’s like I never even existed. I had to find out that you were out of there a week later than everyone else because they all assumed you came to me yourself to tell me the good news,” I laughed wryly at my own stupidity. “Do you know how hard it was for me?” 

“Do you know how hard it was for me?” 

It took me a second to register that he was actually engaging with me in this conversation now. But when I looked at his expression, I could see that something within him had snapped. A little piece of me was glad, though. Now I knew for sure that there was some effect I had on him. 

“Hard for you?”

“I know you came to visit me 100 times! Want to know how I know? Because I was there, too! I was there every time a guard came to ask if I wanted to see you. I was there every time I turned you away. And while you got to walk out of those doors every time I did, I was stuck in there, rotting in that cell, thinking about how badly I wanted to see you. How badly I wanted to touch ...” His voice faltered. “To touch you. But I had to protect you!” 

“You do realize in protecting me, you were hurting me in the process.” 

“Because you just don’t know when to leave well enough alone!” His hands tugged at the root of his unruly hair like evidence of the frustration that my stubbornness caused. “You’re such a pain in the ass because you can never cooperate! It’s gotta be your way or no one else’s! ‘Spencer, it has to be this way because I said so. Spencer, you have to let me see you because I said so. Spencer, you have to talk to me because I said so. Spencer, you have to ride this stupid roller coaster because I said so,’” His imitation of my nagging voice would’ve made me laugh before. Now, it was bringing me onto the verge of tears. “Since clearly no one’s told you this before - not everything is about you! You just want it to be because you’re a whiny, little brat! You’re so spoiled rotten that you can’t even see how far down it goes. If you did, you’d know that you’re rotten to the core and that nothing will ever satisfy you. Especially me.”

His words had done more than sear me. They pierced me. They ripped me. They destroyed me. When he called me Brat, I thought it was endearing. Now, looking back, I realize - no, that’s just how little he thought of me. 

As I came to the conclusion, I stopped dead in my tracks on the pavement. 

I was done chasing Spencer.

His face had fallen from its anger, indicating he was apologetic, but I was beyond accepting his sorry excuses anymore. I couldn’t stand to look at him so I looked behind me to find our car at least a football field away. I guess in many ways, I’d gone the whole nine yards. 

“This is what you wanted right?” I turned back to him momentarily. My voice scared me how calm it was because, inside, I was boiling with rage. “Well, here you go, Spence. Have all the fucking space you want.” 

It was usually me watching his back while he walked away, and now, he was watching mine. 

“(Y/n), wait!” 

And for the briefest second, it actually felt good to be the first one to leave. 

I was free. 

_ _ _

To my dismay and relief, when I walked into work the next morning, he wasn’t there. I would’ve looked for him with more than a cursory glance except I was stuck on looking at something strange in the bullpen that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. But as I walked further in, a blaring siren went off in my head. 

Spencer’s desk is completely empty. 

I instantly sorted through my purse for my phone to reach Prentiss when I noticed something more. 

I had been desperate to cling onto any notion that he still loved me, and there it was, just sitting on his desk. Proof that the man I loved was still in there somewhere.

The top three pictures from the carnival photo booth.

I laughed, as I always did, thinking about how much we had to exert ourselves to be positioned in a semi-adequate way. In the next wave, I felt profoundly empty. He had kept the pictures all these years, and now that I finally get to see them, he’s left me.

As I brought my hand to my face to clear the tears pooling at my lower lashes, I saw that my finger had an ink smear on the pad of it. There was nowhere else I could’ve obtained it except for if there was writing on the back of the photos. 

What I read when I turned it over was as follows. 

I want to be this guy for you again, (y/n). I just don’t know how. 

I just don’t know if I can.

No matter how much I’ve changed, one thing’s still the same.

I love you. 

I should’ve focused on the message, but all that I could focus on was that if I managed to smear the ink, that meant it was fresh, written just now. 

He was still here. 

I pocketed the photos and abandoned my purse, only carrying with me the phone that I forgot to use to dial Prentiss. After a moment’s indecision, I figured that taking the stairs would be faster than the elevator, and I bounded down the steps without hesitation. 

“Spencer!” I yelled into the parking structure when I reached the ground floor. The sound of me bursting through the door caught the attention of Anderson, who was getting out of his car. 

“I just saw him leave.” Anderson threw his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the exit. I knew, even in my state of mind, there was no feasible reality where I could reach him on foot. I had to call him. 

I pleaded to myself for him to pick up with every ring of my phone. 

“(Y/n),” He said like a statement instead of a question. Again, he’d anticipated I’d do this. He probably picked it up not even having to look at the caller ID but knowing it was me and no one else. 

“I don’t need you to be the guy you were before, Spencer. I just need you to bend a little bit. I know we’re both stubborn people, but if we can just find a halfway point-”

“(Y/n), (y/n),” He was settling me and the sentences that were coming out of my mouth at 100 mph. 

“I’ll bend if you bend.” I promised. 

The static of the call filled my ears until his voice finally did.

“For everyone else, I bend ... for you, I break.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

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