#what are tags what genre is this book i wrote lmao

[irenewritesthings]

This Place is Magic

✨🧇 April 30, 2024 🧇✨

💌 Request an early copy! 💌 https://bit.ly/TPIMsignups

After missing his flight back to Seoul, a disillusioned K-pop idol finds love, acceptance, and the strength to fight for his own happiness at last.

As a member of the internationally beloved K-pop group Apollo, Eunjae has learned firsthand that fame and fortune come at a steep price. But leaving it all behind is easier said than done, and it seems Eunjae has no choice but to continue… until he steps through the orange door at Wanna Waffle on the way to the airport, fails to catch his plane to Seoul, and upends his entire existence.

Jiyeon and her family don’t know the truth about this quiet, handsome stranger who stumbled into their restaurant. Regardless, it’s clear that he needs them. And the longer he stays, the more Eunjae realizes that he might just be willing to trade the adoration of millions for home, family, and even one chance at true love. But his powerful entertainment agency will never let him go without a fight, and Apollo’s fate hangs in the balance along with his own. If Eunjae hopes to win, he must stand his ground and fight back — not only for himself, but for the brothers who have loved and supported him all this time.

Brimming with warmth, waffles, and too many brothers, This Place is Magic will resonate with any reader searching for a comforting escape. Debut author Irene Te delivers a cozy contemporary read interwoven with found family and gentle romance. Step through that orange door for a heartfelt, hilarious, and irrepressibly hopeful journey of self-discovery, perfect for fans of Axie Oh and Jenny Han.

[rowanisawriter]

writer q&a

thanks for the tag @luvwich i love talking about myself lmao

tagging… @mashamorevvna @yourworsttotebag @swordbisexual no pressure

When did you start writing?

10 or 11 handwriting a three part series in notebooks lol i still remember the plot of my first book which was basically xmen AU. fic writing also started around that time

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

not really, my writing and my taste in reading usually align. even poetry which i read a lot of but don’t write, somehow still sneaks into my writing because i like making things read pretty

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

idk about fic but for published authors i like sally rooney and her character work, and i also love t. s. eliot’s rhythmic style in poetry, im always trying to emulate them

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

i have a toddler to the answer so this for now is my phone on the couch or in my bed in the middle of the night lmao. i’ve learned how to write under weird circumstances, but hopefully once she gives back some of the mental capacity she takes from me daily then i’ll sit at a table or something

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

can’t do it easily lol it comes to me in visions, usually after i read something or see a piece of art but if it’s not there it’s not there

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

i write a lot about religion… no that’s not surprising…. i also write a lot about love… that’s not surprising either lol

What is your reason for writing?

i like stories a lot, and i like being praised, so writing stories and having people read them checks two boxes for me lol

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

all comments are precious, but comments where people find something that i didn’t consciously put into a fic those are my favorite comments. i put a lot of myself into everything i write, sometimes i write things i don’t think about, when someone points it out it feels very personal (good)

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

hope i don’t come across as insane, i want to be aloof and interesting but then people find me on tumblr and learn the truth

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

hopefully emotion, i focus a lot on that instead of setting or plot most of the time so if i get emotion right then that’s good, as long as i can make someone feel something then they’re compelled to continue reading (conversely when i am reading something and don’t feel any emotional connection to the thing then i put it down)

How do you feel about your own writing?

i like it very much, it’s the exact thing i want to read, and it was a very long road getting here to my true voice and style. i reread my own work constantly i really like it

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

i can only write for myself, the motivation to write is only there if it’s something i want to write, even challenges and prompts i struggle with because there is some aspect of “this isn’t truly my idea” that i struggle with. i’ve written things that just aren’t popular (weird ship, quiet fandom, etc) but i wrote it anyway because i wanted to. obvs i want to be read otherwise i wouldn’t post online but i have a good audience now so usually no matter what i write it does get read anyway, so may as well just write what i want lol

[petersprincesss]

Security Measures

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything… but I decided IM BACK BABY!

It felt like it was time for some good old fashioned smut. I really went back to my roots with this one. I still personally prefer to refer to this character as Peter Ballard, and that’s gonna be his name in the fic. I apologize if that’s not your thing, but you don’t have to read it 🫶🏻

Genre: Porn with minimal plot

Rating: so crazy explicit lmao. Minors please leave 💞

Tags: dom!Peter, sub!female!, bdsm kinda?, edging, fingering, orgasm delay, orgasm denial, dubcon? kinda?, choking, hitting, hair pulling… all that good stuff

As always, I appreciate any and all feedback. You know I love to hear you, baby 🙏🏻

Hawkins National Laboratory was going to be the biggest story in my journalism career. Like many children in this area of Indiana, I had grown up hearing all kinds of rumors, stories and conspiracies surrounding the mythic brick building in the woods.

Being a casual column writer for the Indianapolis Recorder gave me access to plenty of information, but most of it felt so mundane compared to what I might be able to uncover in the source of all my childhood nightmares. Through my boss, I was able to secure an interview with one Dr. Martin Brenner, the supposed mastermind behind the madness. The only question now was whether or not I would learn the truth.

Parked outside of the structure, it felt no different than those creepy campfire tales my friends and I had swapped in our youth. This time, however, I knew I was going to go inside. I was going to settle fact and fiction.

I smoothed out my smart pencil skirt and clutched my notepad and two pens close to my chest (I had to have two, just in case one ran out in the middle of the interview, but I had tested them both twice before leaving the house). My modest high heels clicked against the pavement before stopping at the tall glass front door. I took one final deep breath before pulling it open.

The lobby was beyond what I was expecting. Panels of sleek, dark wood lined the walls, and a kind-eyed brunette woman sat behind a mahogany desk with a warmly lit lamp set atop it.

“How can I help you?” She spoke, folding her fingers together and resting them on her appointment book.

“I have a two o’clock with Dr. Brenner,” I replied. I could feel my knuckles turning white around my notepad.

The young lady glanced down at her calendar before tapping twice on my name.

“You’re right on time. I’ll buzz you through the main doors. Go down the hallway and go through security. They’ll guide you from there.”

“Thank you so much,” I responded, already making my way around her desk towards a set of hospital-like doors. She pressed a button behind her desk, sending a buzzing ring throughout the lobby, followed by the click of the door’s lock. I swung it open and entered a lengthy hallway lined with sterile white tile.

Scents of various disinfectants stung my nose as I rushed down the corridor. My watch read twelve minutes before two, and I prayed whatever security measures I had to clear wouldn’t take long.

Around the hallway’s corner stood a second pair of doors with a metal detector and X-ray machine before them. A slender, blonde-haired man dressed in all white stood patiently with his hands clasped in front of his belt next to the machinery.

“Hi, I have an appointment with Dr. Brenner,” I sputtered, paying no mind to the orderly as I set my belongings on the conveyor belt into the X-ray.

“Just remove your shoes, jacket and anything in your pockets,” his gentle voice instructed me.

I followed his orders, sending each of my items into the machine before I stood tall in front of the metal detector. The spotlessly clean man mirrored my stance on the opposite side. Our eyes met for a second before he silently raised two fingers and motioned me towards him with them. I felt a sting of intimidation rush through me as he locked his eyes on me while I stepped forward. My heart skipped a beat when the metal detector beeped.

“It’s okay. Step out and try again,” he commanded, his eyes still motionless.

I did as I was told, stepping backwards and then forwards. The metallic chime rang out once more.

“Are you wearing any jewelry?” He questioned, tilting his head slightly.

“None at all…” I trailed off, touching my earlobes, fingers and neck.

“…Any I can’t see?” He spoke softly.

My eyes shot up to his, half offended by the question, “No.”

“One last time, then. Raise your hands above your head this time.”

I repeated my action, raising my hands as instructed. As predicted, the machine buzzed again.

“I’m going to have to pat you down. We’ll step into the security office for some privacy, okay?”

“Excuse me?” I spat, feeling my eyebrows raise with my temper.

“You don’t have to,” he smiled kindly, “you can always leave.”

I wished in my heart that he was joking, but I could tell he was deathly serious.

“Fine,” I spat, shaking my head in disbelief.

“You can put your shoes back on,” the orderly spoke gently. He picked up my blazer and notepad for me as I slipped my feet back into my heels impatiently.

“Let’s get this over with,” I sighed.

“Right this way,” he gestured into an open door. I walked in before him, nervously kneading my knuckles.

He set my items on a sterile steel table and turned to face me as I glanced around the office. The walls were the same bland tile, nothing on them except for a clock, which read ten minutes before two.

“Please hurry, I don’t want to be late for my meeting,” I pleaded, feeling the rising urge to tap my heels.

“You won’t be, I promise,” a cheeky smile spoke, “I’m Peter by the way.”

“Great, nice to meet you Peter. Let’s go,” I hurried him, not bothering to introduce myself to the security guard orderly that I would never see again.

“Arms out, feet shoulder-width apart,” he instructed. I obeyed yet again.

His palms clasped around the top of my right thigh and began to slowly pat inches at a time down my leg.

“You don’t have a female security guard to do this?” I huffed.

“I’m afraid not. The only women here are the nurse and the secretary,” Peter sighed. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at the response.

Once down to my ankle, he raised his hands to check left leg, but the tip of his thumb grazed me where I was most sensitive, causing my breath to hitch. I prayed he hadn’t noticed as he worked his way further down.

“Nothing yet…” he reported once down to my foot.

A lightbulb went off in my head. My IUD. I had a copper birth control device in my cervix. Could that have set off the metal detector? Surely copper couldn’t trigger it. But what else could it possibly be? I knew that I genuinely had nothing, but how could I tell Peter that without proving it?

Peter began to pat down my right arm, from shoulder to wrist, before moving to my left.

“Listen, I swear I have nothing. I’m just a journalist…” I began to bargain.

“I actually do believe you, but it’s just laboratory protocol,” Peter grinned. His eyes shone a bright blue even in the dingy fluorescent lighting, and I felt a twinge of happiness that at least he was a gentleman.

“The metal detector indicated something at waist level, so I’ll need to examine there further. Again, you may leave at any time.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly through my nose.

“Okay. Let’s get it over with.”

“I’m just going to slide two fingers into the waist band of your skirt, okay?” Peter informed more than he asked.

“Okay,” I nodded with a deep breath.

As he had narrated, his slender index and middle fingers from each hand slipped into the top of my skirt next to my hip bones, resting atop the hem. As I exhaled, the pressure on his knuckles decreased, the warmth of them abandoning the crisp caress of my blouse.

“Just going to slide them around to the back now,” he gently described his action. As promised, those slim fingers slithered around my hips towards my spine.

With his arms around my waist, I paused to glance at his sapphire eyes, preciously surveying his work. A breath left his lips and cascaded down my chest just as he lifted his touch from my body.

“All looks well, but I’m afraid that means I still have searching to do,” Peter sighed, clasping his hands in front of his belt buckle.

“This is ridiculous,” I fumed, “look, it must have been a fluke. I promise I just want to go to my interview and then leave.”

Peter’s doe-like eyes blinked innocently as I ranted.

“I believe you, miss, I really do. Unfortunately, it’s not my decision. You may either continue, or leave the facility,” his honeyed, overly calm voice stated.

“Fine. What next?” I asked, placing my hands on my hips.

Peter cleared his throat as his eyes darted to the floor between us before responding, “I’ll need you to remove your skirt so I may assess what’s underneath.”

“Assess what’s underneath? What are you, a fucking cop?” I protested, my voice growing in volume with each syllable. Peter didn’t bat an eye.

“You’re welcome to leave at any time, but this is protocol,” he assured me, “I’ll turn away while you undress.”

I thought back to all the time I had spent dreaming about being able to interview Dr. Brenner. The countless nights of sleep I lost staring at my ceiling dreaming about what I would write and what questions I would ask. Was I really going to back out now? Could I just chalk this up to one of the things a girl has to do to fulfill a dream?

I silently nodded and Peter turned on his heels to face the door.

The parting of the zipper was the only noise in the uncomfortable silence. I shimmied my skirt off my hips, allowing it to pool around my ankles before picking it up and grasping it timidly at my waist. The cool, sterile air brushed across my bare backside, sending a wave of goosebumps up to my neck.

“Okay,” I spoke shakily.

The orderly turned back to me and immediately placed his hand on my skirt. I allowed him to take it, kneading my fingers anxiously with nothing left to protect my modesty.

Peter crouched curiously at eye-level with my panties. I felt like a common whore standing before the stranger in nothing but my undergarments and high heels. Of course, today was the day I had decided to wear garters instead of regular pantyhose, which only amplified my bashfulness.

“Could have been these,” he noted, slipping his index finger beneath one of the nude garter straps holding up my stocking, snapping one of the metallic clasps against my thigh.

I felt my heart rate increase dramatically beneath his touch. Blood rushed to my core, causing a noticeable temperature increase between my legs. The visual alone of golden blonde locks kneeling before me was enough to create a knot in my abdomen that grew harder and harder to ignore.

The orderly tsked and shook his head, “I think that’s too small of an amount of metal. It must be something else.”

My palms began to grow clammy as I debated telling him about my contraceptive. 


“Could there be something… inside you? A medical device, perhaps?” Peter asked, his eyes shooting up to mine from between my legs. I had to tell him now.

“Yes,” I spat out, feeling my stomach turn, “I have a copper birth control device.”

“I see…” he trailed off, shifting his gaze to the floor.

“That’s it. I know that’s all. I was just scared to tell you, I had this crazy idea that you would have to confirm it or something.” I blurted, vomiting my words all over him.

A silence grew between us, and Peter’s choice not to disprove my absurd theory became increasingly worrisome. Finally, he rose to his feet, returning to his polite stance with his hands held above his belt.

“I”m afraid that actually is the case,” Peter finally confessed.

My head fell back as I took a deep breath. I closed my eyes imagining what exactly this process might look like. I glanced back at the clock on the wall. I had seven minutes left.

“You better be fucking fast,” I voiced sternly, turning back to those blue eyes.

“Not a problem. Remember, you may leave at any time,” he reassured me.

I nodded as he gestured towards a padded table lined with parchment-like paper, beckoning me to lay back across it. I relaxed back against it, closing my eyes as the orderly shuffled over and stood patiently next to the table.

“Would you like to remove your undergarments, or would you prefer I work around them?” He asked cordially, as if any of this process was anything less than crass.

“I’m in a hurry, just do what you have to do,” I instructed, closing my eyes and clasping my hands above my stomach.

His fingertips wasted no time snaking under my panties and pushing them aside. I exhaled slowly as his warm touch glided over my pussy.

“Breathe for me,” he guided. On my next inhale, he slipped a finger inside me.

Something between a pornographic moan and a wince escaped me, and I found myself biting my lip to prevent more from following it.

“You’re doing such a good job,” that silvery voice cooed.

A twinge of shame crawled from my stomach to my chest as I realized that I was already dripping wet from the interaction. Something about his maintained innocence -everything from his crisp white uniform to his “this is strictly protocol” attitude”- ignited a craving I didn’t know I had. Whatever it was, I knew it was going to make me miss my interview.

“Okay, I think I feel the string,” Peter remarked, shifting his body to give his arm a better angle.

I felt his finger begin to slide out of me when I jolted my eyes open and gripped his wrist assertively.

“Are you sure?” Was all I could managed to spit out.

I lessened my grasp on his wrist and relaxed slightly, “I mean. Are you positive? You don’t need more time?”

“I’m fairly certain, I mean…” he trailed off, clearly missing the memo.

“Peter,” I finally spoke his name, “I think you need to check more thoroughly.”

“Are you sure? You’re going to miss your interview…” those blue eyes batted at me, and suddenly I wasn’t the one feeling so bashful.

“Fuck my interview,” I moaned, guiding his middle finger up to join his index inside me.

“Oh my,” Peter’s voice dropped an octave and those precious blue eyes shifted infernal.

“Please?” I urged, shifting to allow him better access.

“I don’t know,” he falsely contemplated, sinking two fingers into my pussy as he spoke, “are you going to be good for me?”

I choked on a moan rising in my throat before closing my eyes and nodding rapidly. Peter clicked his tongue, uncertain of my answer. I squeezed my eyes tightly and allowed my chest to relax. The grim, florescent light suddenly felt warmer as his slender fingers thrust into me.

“Jesus,” he remarked, slowing his pace, “tightening up on me already, hmm?”

I whined a vague response, bucking my hips against him. Wordlessly, Peter grabbed my leg nearest to him and swung kit over his head so it rested atop his shoulder and stepped forward, forcing my back to arch to accommodate him. Whimpers flowed freely from me as he quickened his pace, and I couldn’t help but open my eyes to look down and take in the sight of his fingers sinking into me.

With his free hand, he reached up and snatched a fistful of hair at the crown of my head and jerked forward, “That’s right, watch my fingers fuck you.”

Whimpers fell into wanton moans, and Peter switched to using his middle and ring finger, curling devilishly where I needed him most.

“Shit, Peter, I’m going to c-“

Before I could even speak the words, the orderly removed his touch entirely from my pussy and released his grip on my hair. My leg slid off of his shoulder, hung carelessly off the edge of the table. Dumbfounded, my misty eyes searched for his. Peter stood motionless, watching me with no readable expression on his face.

Once I had managed to find my breath a little, he spoke, “Are you done?”

“What? No, I was about to and you-“

The back of Peter’s hand landed a heavy smack across my cheek as he leaned in close to whisper, “Are you done being a needy bitch?”

Holding my stinging cheek, I gazed up at him in erotic trepidation.

“Y-yes,” I whispered, not even convincing myself of my answer.

“Good,” he praised, creeping his hand back to my pussy, “let’s continue.”

My panties were pushed to the side once more, and my body lurched forward onto Peter’s fingers as they writhed back into me. He leaned over me, placing his free hand at the base of my neck and whispered in my ear, “I knew you were fucking dirty the second you walked around that corner.”

I felt myself grip him tighter as he accused me, enthralled with his whorish perception of me.

“Fuck, I’m so glad you had to search me, Peter,” I panted, squirming beneath him as his grip on my neck grew stronger.

A sinister chuckle crept from his throat, “I know, baby. Almost like it was meant to be, hmm?”

His question would have felt more ominous if the orgasm that I was fighting against wasn’t growing stronger by the second. I writhed beneath him harshly, now with the intention of staving myself off until Peter was ready. I spread my legs further for him, wrapping my right calf around his waist to give him direct access. My toes curled against the inside of my shoes as I struggled to pull him closer to me.

“Please, Peter, I can’t hold it back much longer,” I squealed, my vision blurring as I starred up at the bleak white ceiling tiles.

“What’s that? Are you begging me to let you cum?” Peter mocked, slowing his pace ever so slightly.

I nodded intently, feeling my chin brush against his knuckles.

“Almost. I know you can hold out just a little longer. Can you do that for me?” He positioned his face just inches from mine, tilting his chin up so he still looked down upon me. Appearing pathetic no longer mattered to me, I just wanted him to grant me release.

“Yes,” I told a half-truth. If he quickened his pace in the slightest, there would be no more waiting.

The stern grip on my throat vanished, his hand now working its way to the collar of my blouse. Without breaking eye contact, Peter effortlessly undid two of my buttons, leaving my sternum and the center of my bra exposed. Nimble fingers pushed the cup of my bra to the side, leaving half of my chest fully exposed. He traced around my nipple slowly at first, sending a shockwave sensation through my abdomen. As my pleasure peaked higher and higher, Peter’s lips swapped with his fingers, sucking teasingly at my flesh.

“Christ, I can’t- I have to-“ I stuttered between breaths.

“Go ahead. Let me hear you cum,” Peter permitted.

My leg’s grip on his waist doubled, and in my senseless passion, my hands clawed at his shoulders and across his back, finally releasing myself upon him. A stream of curses and lustful whimpers echoed through the overly-hygienic office, mixing flawlessly with Peter’s determined grunts as he pushed himself. Peter lifted his head from my chest as my climax began to fade, a bead of sweat falling from his furrowed brow to my sternum. His sapphire eyes bore into mine as the two of us panted back and forth.

“Taste yourself,” Peter commanded, sliding his fingers out of me and up to my tongue. I obliged, pleased at how his scent mingled with my taste. Pearly white teeth smiled approvingly at how eager I was to fill his request.

“I have a confession to make,” the orderly informed, bracing his weight on his palm, now resting next to my head.

“Yes?” I replied, slipping his fingers out of my mouth and holding them delicately between my own.

“I always set off the metal detector when pretty girls come through.”

[cloudcountry]

music notes of the heart

Genre/Tropes: Study dates but its unestablished relationship? Floyd is flirting with you LMAO + Slow Dancing!!

Summary: Your tutor for musicology may not be other people's first choice, but he's yours.

Author's Comments: inspired by this tumblr post!! we truly do need more intelligent floyd content and i've already written for jade's dorky goofy silly side so many times sigh. also seriously, do not ask about the slow dancing merpeople rituals. you can infer. LMAO (@tinyletterz i hope you dont mind me tagging you but i was thinking of you when i wrote this bc yk. Floyd Leech. C:)

~~~~~

You set your books down on the table tucked in the corner of the library and sit down, shifting anxiously as you await your tutor. The smell of old papers and the sound of scratching pens from a few bookshelves away does nothing to dispel your nerves. If Ace and Deuce could see just who you’d asked for help, they surely would have yelled at you for hours and wrung out your neck in frustration.

It’s not like anyone else held the same passion for musicology, though. Besides, Floyd Leech wasn’t that bad once you got to know him.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear, you think as he waltzes into the library, a lazy smirk on his face and his hands shoved into his pockets. His back is hunched slightly as he looks around the library, eyes scanning over each face with an almost predatory grin. You raise your arms and wave him over, trying not to make much noise to avoid being yelled at by the crabby librarian.

Floyd does not share that sentiment.

“Shrimpy!” he yells (honestly you don’t think he’s capable of yelling any louder) and bounces over to you.

He sweeps you into his arms in the blink of an eye, cackling madly as he nuzzles you. The librarian shoots the two of you a glare, and you shrink into his chest with shame. You’ll have to apologize to him later.

“Were ya trying to hide from me?” he breathes, sharp teeth on display as he grins down at your bundled-up form, “You know I’d sniff you out, right?”

“I wasn’t.” you protest, but it falls on deaf ears and Floyd squeezes you closer. His nose brushes against your cheek and he borderline snuggles you and you’re glad you’ve picked a table in the corner because if you were any closer to the center everyone would be staring.

“Alright Shrimpy,” he murmurs, setting you down in your chair with two quick taps on your head, “Ya said you needed my help with musicology?”

“I didn’t know who else to ask.” you say, sliding your textbook over to him with a furrowed brow, “You’re the best in that class and I can’t seem to grasp any of it.”

Floyd sits down next to you and leans in close, so close that you can smell the cologne on his clothing. You let him read through the notes you made on the sheet of lined paper you used to mark your page, gnawing at your lower lip self-consciously. You know you aren’t the best at this subject but it’s Floyd’s best, and you don’t want him to think you’re stupid.

He seems to be able to read minds because Floyd looks over at you with a pout.

“Shrimpy, I’d tell ya if you were stupid. So quit worrying.” Floyd scolds, snatching your hand up and squeezing it as he intertwines your fingers, “The fun thing about musicology is that you can analyze and learn from any angle ya want!”

“Freer subjects are harder to work with, though.” you confess, “I’m not sure how to go about...figuring something out when it doesn’t have structure.”

Floyd sticks his tongue out and blows a raspberry as if to say “Boo, Shrimpy. Now you do sound stupid.” You can almost hear his voice.

“Just pick something and we can start from there. What kind of music do ya like?” he bumps you with his shoulder, a huge grin on his face, “Ya gotta have something.”

You answer him, and he makes an “ah-ha!” noise. He mumbles a page number and flicks through the textbook before coming to a stop at a chapter that goes into that exact type of music. There are music scores printed on the right page and some kind of tree diagram on the left one. You stare at the words incredulously, already lost.

“Come on now, Shrimpy. Work that tiny little brain of yours.” Floyd teases, jabbing your temple with a giggle, “I know you can do it.”

You swat his hand away and wiggle your hand out of his hold, feeling a foreign heat creep up on your cheeks. Floyd giggles again as if he knows, and leans in even closer to you.

“Hey Shrimpy.” he whispers, eyes gleaming in the corner of your vision, “I changed my mind, let’s ditch the reading. I’m getting bored. What are ya gonna do about that, huh?”

You’re not sure you can do anything honestly, but you expected him to leave pretty early on in your study session anyway. It’s a miracle you got him to agree in the first place.

“Oh, you can leave.” you offer him a quick smile and turn back to your textbook, pouring over the words, “I didn’t expect you to stay the whole time- Woah!”

You’re swept out of your chair but the second time that day, and your body thumps against Floyd’s. He stares at you with a cheerful grin as he takes your hands and places them on his arms. You jump a bit when his lanky arms wrap around your waist, but when he starts swaying slowly you get the idea.

“Let’s try something else, yeah?” he snickers, “Can you tell me why people slow dance?”

“Um...to feel emotional closeness?” you say, eyes glued to his rumpled purple shirt so you don’t have to look him in the eye.

“Bingo.” he chuckles, “Merpeople also have dances like this.”

You’re tempted to ask what those dances are for, but you don’t. Floyd sweeps you around and your feet lift off the floor for a second, but you don’t feel like you’re going to fall. Floyd squeezes you a bit tighter as he guides you, somehow avoiding any tables and chairs and bookcases with master precision.

“I didn’t know you could slow dance.” you whisper, “I thought you were more of a fast paced dancer.”

“Meh. Normally.” he shrugs, “But I like dancing like this with ya. It’s fun.”

Your heart flutters.

“Can ya tell me anything else about it?” he hums, lifting his arm and spinning you around. Your breath catches in your throat as he dips you, the arm carefully holding up your waist your only support.

“Um...” you stumble over your words, grasping for any thoughts as you stare into his eyes, “Uh, it’s- um, slow dancing brings people physically closer too? Because you can feel their movement and everything-”

“Good little Shrimpy.” he giggles, hoisting you back up and resuming his more soothing swaying, “See? You’re doing good. I told ya you’d figure it out.”

Did he? You don’t even remember.

“I think I need more instruction.” you mumble, eyes darting away once again.

Floyd laughs loudly at that, but this time you don’t care when the librarian shushes you.

[linonyang]

PAINTING FAITH [revised & extended ver.]

pairing: non-idol!seungmin and gender-neutral!reader

featuring: several skz members, an oc

genre: angst, fluff, sci-fi, rival gang au, forbidden lovers au

warnings: spoilers from the book of inspiration (chloe gong’s these violent delights), inappropriate language, mentions of death and murder, use of weapons, political issues, sensitive content (killing, blood, character death), and jisung being a weirdo (:/// sorry)

word count: 11.6k words

synopsis: the blood painted on the floor after another tragic night will mean three things for you and seungmin: your revenge, his will to live, and family rivalry.

mini-playlist: link here

tag list: @awooghan​ @hwangsify​ @xiaoderrrr @cosmic-railwayxo​​

note: oh wow i broke my record of my longest fic LOL here’s a revised and extended version of my beloved painting faith :ppp i believe this is slightly messy bc i literally rushed to finish this and i’m already posting this at 1am lmao but i still love what i wrote here regardless :D i really love this fic with all of my heart so i hope you will too! hope you enjoy <33

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You want to crumble in regret as you finally step in front of a door inside the palace. You simply felt the need to get out of here. You’re not supposed to be here. There are more important matters than attending a ball hosted by a family you didn’t even dare to think of. Even a prize like not getting bothered by a prick—your cousin, Minho—for one whole night doesn’t even give you much enthusiasm to endure the night.

Choosing to risk your life to finish one hell of a mess in the town for an extra night is much better than stopping over for one night to not do anything related to that said mess. Merely thinking of the idea that Minho would still be here, just with a different set of people, and your father by your side is enough to eat you up and get buried on the ground. This is obviously why you avoid any family matters that need extra companions—you, in this case, since you were told by your family to join this specific event. 

You push on the door. You walk around the wide function room, eyeing the glittering chandeliers above your head. You admit this is a beautiful venue for the grandest events. But it is not surprising that the function room is gorgeous because of the Figueroa family—a family you inexplicably loathed.

The growing madness around the past month has made your stomach filled with nervousness for days. You fear the city would change and be more in danger. The horrendous monster took so many lives of commoners and Leyva members already by a simple insect infestation that will lead these people to rip their throats. You don’t want to hear more of that.

You’ll never expect what the beast would look like when you sight it with your own eyes. After you steal a sketch of the creature from the office of Ereden Carlos, a government official that has stolen the hearts of at least half of the population, you are still in disbelief that the monster even exists because of how vicious it looks. The realism shown through the sketch gives you enough fear to face the horror. You don’t know the size of the monster, but their features are just right to say that they are truly a monster that can bring the city into flames.

Recently, you heard a report from your dear cousin and secondary heir, Minho, that a Leyva member saw the monster with their own eyes on a random night. Just by the remaining panic seen from the eyes of the said member, you felt powerless. The beast could be more powerful than you, the Leyvas, or the Leyva and Solano gangs combined.

Your father mumbles beside you with a question, “You don’t have a mask with you?” He takes a slurp of the pasta in front of him while viewing the rest of the room. “This is a masquerade ball.”

You roll your eyes in response. The Figueroa family didn’t ask for your presence just to show up and hide with a mask. Supposedly, show yourself and not hide your identity, if that makes any sense. “You don’t have a mask with you either, am I correct?” you retorted. “If you don’t have any mask in your pockets, then I don’t have any here with mine.”

Lord Leyva expected nothing new from you. Instead, he shrugs and continues chatting with the strangers—the Figueroas—at the same table as you. Truly, you treated them as strangers even if the Leyvas and Figueroas had a history; a sense of familiarity has always been there after growing up hearing the latter a lot from your father’s mouth.

Despite being in similar levels of financial stability, you despise them. They’re clever, brutal, and careless. The city has been holding on to the gangs to keep your country, Makan, alive. The Figueroas are just another family milking the citizens' money for their own needs, not even bothering to pave the way for the city’s demands. At this point, you couldn’t count how many people have begged you and your family to step up, along with the Solano gang, to lead Makan. But good things will never happen without their limits. None of you have the highest power to do that. Even your strongest connections cannot miraculously make you leaders.

You never followed the conversation between your father and the Figueroas ever since you sat down in your seat. You’re only with Lord Leyva just to be his support—unnecessary support, to be specific. You’re already fine with your state. Just sitting down, munching on your food, and aimlessly looking around was best for your situation, and you don’t want to ask for more.

“How about you, _____? How are you doing?”

You stop twirling the noodles around your fork once you hear your name. You find where the voice of someone who instantly ruined your mood is, and oh. It’s just some random Figueroa member you don’t care about. You don’t even know the name of the person, and you have no plans to know their name.

“It’s none of your business,” you bluntly answered, with your brows furrowed. You lowered your head and glanced at your plate to take a bite. With an incoming spike of grouchiness slowly consuming you whole, you continue, “It’s surprising that you have finally noticed my presence. Weren’t you talking to my father the whole time? I suggest we should keep it that way.”

And you assume that the response of the family in front of you is a no-brainer. They’ll take your statement seriously. Although you know that they’ll forget about it in a little while. Confusion’s just running through their heads, thinking whether you said all of that genuinely or sarcastically.

On the other hand, you thought there was nothing important in what you said. It was all nothing to you. Why would you even bother entertaining a bunch of corrupted capitalists who have everything in their hands?

Lord Leyva ended the tension with a peaceful greeting before a Figueroa speaks ill about you. Your father dragged you out of your seat to the nearest corner of the function room.

Your father says your name and sighs, rubbing his temples to control his temper, which erupted randomly. “You know they can hire a gunman and kill you. You know that was a bad move. You spoke like that, out of anything that you could do?”

You snorted and shook your head in disbelief. “Father, you probably forgot that we also have the power to do that, right?” 

“Yes, we do, but right now, we can’t—”

With barely any patience running through your veins, you decide to cut him off by raising a hand to stop him. Just then, you do not care if you disrespected your father for something potentially dangerous. “There’s something we can’t do suddenly? You know what lies on the Leyvas, Father. Don’t you dare underestimate what we can do,” you chuckle. “I’d love to bring my gun out and kill them with my own hands if there weren’t that many people here.”

Why is he siding with that ruthless family? Aside from the madness infiltrating the city day by day, Makan has been in flames because of the Figueroas. You have seen the country, especially your city, fade to black. People are suffering, pollution is slowly growing within the city, and Caasi does not feel the same as before anymore. 

Unfortunately, your circumstance of being in a gang exposed you to the black and white of the world. Stood out were the worst imperfections, blood, and dirt. All colors are gone, and that’s simply because you’re a Leyva.

Even the ability to kill without remorse will always make you question your existence. What did the Leyvas inject into your head to feel nothing whenever you shoot with your gun or stab with a dagger? What if you’re not a part of the Leyva clan? Will you be more conscious of your being and the reality of humanity?

Without hesitation, you walked past your father with a frown. One question repeats in your head. What if you’re not a part of the Leyva clan? 

Will your reality adjust because of the change of circumstances? Will you be with people who are mindful and rational about the job of a gang member?

Your feet brought you right below the arch ring. You leaned on the abutment. That single question brought memories to your mind with no struggle.

“What do you think of growing old like this?”

“What do you mean? Growing old spending some time here?”

You nod with all your might, “Away from everything the families have been doing. Away from what could happen to us.”

Your father and your relatives returned home bloody, scarred, and barely living from blood loss many times in the past. All because of the missions and fights outside the four walls of your home. Everyone will expect you to do the same when you’re of legal age. The day will come when you and Seungmin will do the same thing without each other.

The rivalry between your clans could worsen, giving you more distance away from him. You’ll feel hopeless when that day arrives—fight and go home on your own vulnerably because of these feelings for each other. You’ll leave with no choice but to hunt and shoot him because of gang rivalry—that will always be your priority as a member. You’ll need to forget what’s forbidden for you.

You continue, “I want to get away from the possibility of you, I, and our life getting dragged away from this battlefield.”

Seungmin places his arm around you and holds you tight. He hums. “You will not lose me, each other, even our lives, _____. We’ll be fine. Let’s take our time and appreciate that we could still do this despite whatever competition is there between our families.”

You understand. Although, there are also limits to “taking our time” because time is quickly ticking for both of you. 

“We’re still teenagers, Seungmin,” you anxiously said. “Everything will change when we get older. Maybe in a few years, we have to act as what we’re supposed to be as gang members.”

You are sure you’re still clueless about a gang member’s role and the ins and outs of this world. Your destiny is like this: you’re innocent and gullible about everything, learn the truths and lies of reality, and have a change of heart and mind.

Hopefully, your mind and heart wouldn’t change. You hope that your thoughts and feelings for Seungmin will never fade. You hope that even with deep scars and drips of blood on your body, the pain wouldn’t take away the love of your life. Even with every bullet piercing through every being, Seungmin will never slip off your head.

Seungmin gently rubs your arm and softly pulls your head to his chest. “There’ll always be a way for every problem. I know we can get through this together.” He holds you slightly tighter than before.

High chances that you’ll instantly get your happily ever after if you’re not a Leyva. Perhaps you didn’t have to go abroad to study for several years and leave Seungmin full of guilt.

You’re absolutely late to get that happily ever after. You don’t have to hold your breath to even get that simply because it’ll be impossible to achieve that at this rate. If possible, your ending will be in hell because of fate’s disposition.

“Good evening to you, Leyva.”

Someone interrupted your thread of thoughts with a single sentence. Moving your head to the side, you see Jisung with a glass of wine. If control held loose, you might have grunted so loud because of the attention-seekers you have seen all night, including this man from the Isidros. 

Jisung visited you a week ago to ask for your consent and approval for the Isidro-Leyva partnership for a particular project. His family must be desperate to milk something out of the Leyvas since his father was also persistent about the same thing to you a week before Jisung’s visit. The young Isidro was kicked out of your home, and you left him in front of the door with another message. You do not want the offer.

The only word you get to comprehend from the man endlessly blabbering in front of you was “attention”. He just wanted some leverage and your consideration for his existence.

Unfortunately, Jisung expected you to attend tonight since he sent a letter a few days ago that he was looking forward to meeting you again at the masquerade hall. Maybe with more moves from this man, you’d assume that he’s doing something more than being a puppy following behind every step you take.

With no introductory greetings—even a simple “Hey!”—and affection laced in your voice, you try to end things just at the start. “I said no to the partnership, Jisung. I have said no multiple times to you and your family already,” you reminded him with a flat smile, barely holding on to your sanity. “My answer is very simple. It has two letters only. An N and an O, no. Is that single word unclear to you?”

All Jisung did was giggle in response. It struck a nerve within you, unfortunately. He fixed his coat and stepped closer to you, standing at the center of the arc. “Oh, _____, don’t worry! I understood I stopped. I decided not to pester you or the Leyvas about that!” 

If there’s nothing else to discuss, he shouldn’t be standing still in front of you for no reason aside from the declined proposed partnership. You quickly suspect that he’s up for something else you’re not aware of.

You ask him about his intentions of staying with you. While waiting for his response, you try your best to be disengaging so he can step away and leave you alone. With your mouth curled up and your eyes blank, you tilt your head in impatience.

Jisung gasps and clasps his hands together. With that small detail alone, you assume there’s something wrong behind those eyes of his. You know he’s going to bother you about a different foolish thing.

“I am very fond of you, Leyva. I would like to go after your heart,” he shortly points to your chest, “your affection, hopefully, if you don’t mind.”

You believe there’s nothing undesirable about you on the surface level. With people like the Isidro family, you’ve never been vulnerable nor open about yourself, which makes you question how this man even became fond of you.

And it all leads down to what a normal person would immediately comment about you—you’re good-looking.

It’s a comment that’s all too familiar. If he’s here to pursue you because of your beauty, cross him out without a doubt. A man—or simply say Jisung—chasing you for solely your beauty without trying to know who you are first is enough to piss you off. 

Nobody has confessed to you because of you. None of them attempted to break the shell tightly surrounding you. All of that, none, if you will not include Seungmin.

You received endless compliments and comments about your face, looking very similar to your ethereal mother. It was unavoidable because your family name is known in Caasi. It was annoying to receive compliments about your beauty alone. You do admit that your mother is definitely one of a kind. 

Though you concluded long ago that your face was great compensation for your dominating voice and outspoken mind. If not beautiful, intimidating. That’s what they know about you.

Someone like Jisung shouldn’t be given any time, even for a second. Here you are, an heir of the Leyva gang, orchestrating the saving of Makan from a hideous monster that has infiltrated the streets and homes of the town of Caasi. You’re going to spend most of your days and nights for that instead of him. Furthermore, you have someone else—Seungmin, unquestionably—who is better than Jisung or any of the Isidros on so many levels. Perhaps you’re willing to give some bits and pieces of your time with him, hidden somewhere without getting caught by any of the Leyvas or Solanos.

You’re willing to run far, until the end of the infinite galaxies, to not see Jisung’s face ever again. Slumping your shoulders for another attempt to show your lack of interest in him, you sigh and answer, “There is no need to chase for my love and affection, Jisung.” With no effort, your eyes droop lower in disappointment and your hands stretched out in boredom. “Unfortunately, I have a lot on my hands. Also, finding a significant other is not a part of that as of now.”

It’s not part of your upcoming plans because you have achieved it with nobody’s notice.

The uncomforting and weird yet bubbly man plans to change your mind until you heard someone clear their throat nearby.

You turn your head and glance at the masked man near you. “Good evening, _____. May I have a word?”

Shit, you know who owns that voice. Seungmin?

You completely forgot that he secretly wanted to snatch the sketch you stole. Seungmin followed you on your trip home for the sake of protection. He saw you enter the four walls of Ereden Carlos’ office and walk out with a tight grip on your coat. With your hand on that piece of clothing, he knew something was up.

When he visited you, he planned to steal the mysterious paper in your inner pocket. But destiny was by your side, and Minho brought home the wrong paper on your table—the invitation to this masquerade ball. Both of you have always been this sneaky with each other. When you found out his amusing mistake, you laughed hard on your knees. He failed his attempt to steal it even if the chance of doing so is absolutely high since the paper’s simply on top of your bedside table, along with other papers, documents, and letters you’ve received lately.

The sight of your darling waiting for you behind a mask makes you sigh and look at Jisung.

You furrow your eyebrows and glare at him before waiting for his final greetings. Though this waiting lasted for a few seconds only, as you slowly feel annoyance and impatience slowly consume you. So you decide to not waste more time and let him leave with your own hands. If he doesn’t step back this time, maybe you’re ready to throw a punch.

“So?”

Jisung bows with disappointment clear on his pathetic face. You guess that he is genuinely desperate for your attention. You never thought that he feels a true attraction to you, anyway. “I’ll be leaving then. Thank you very much for the quick catch-up, _____.”

You view the outside of the arc as Jisung exits. The grass is glimmering after a short rain shower before the ball started. Around the small field are trees and buildings, making the gazebo look enchanted. It is a great view to think that you’re probably not in this violent and bloody plane of reality. The place is beautiful to daydream and temporarily ignore your undeniably nightmarish life. 

You wouldn’t dare to take a walk to the pavilion. You might piss off your mother by soiling your clothes and staining your shoes from the wet dirt of the soft and muddy grass field.

“So beautiful,” you hear Seungmin say.

And you agree. This is definitely the type of view you want to see from your room. You are very used to the urbanized side of Caasi—houses and buildings built side by side, people walking in and out of places, and cars honking in the streets from day until night. You’re on the busy side of Caasi, and your clan’s territory is in this area. “A delightful place to look at after that absurd conversation with Sir Isidro, I’d say.”

Seungmin laughs softly to correct himself, “I mean you, _____. You’re beautiful.”

He’s truly an exception. That word undoubtedly hits you in a different way, and you’d love to hear that word from his lips all day. You can listen to him say about anything, and you’d still feel your heart flutter.

But this is not the right time and place to feel that.

The sight of a stranger flirting with you can cause so much damage. What more if people will discover that this person is a Solano?

He really shouldn’t have stolen the wrong paper from your desk.

Shaking your head in growing rage, you drag him outside of the function room. The urgency to bring him out of many people’s sight is reflected in your quick footsteps. From the sight of a stranger, you pulling Seungmin out of the building may look like you’re on your way to torturing him because of your tight grip on him. High chances that you could actually do that.

You pull the mask from his face and shake your head once again. It is really Seungmin, much to your dismay.

You drop his mask and gracefully drag your knife out of your sleeve. “Seungmin Solano, the heir of the Solano gang. Why in the world are you in here, especially in the Leyvas’ territory?” you asked, close enough to sound like you were interrogating a suspicious criminal around the streets of Caasi. You grit your teeth and point to him with the knife in your hand, “Don’t you dare do all of this here!”

Seungmin’s presence in your territory in Caasi could get him killed in a heartbeat, especially if he gets sighted by an actual Leyva. 

The aggression doesn’t really reflect your care for him. Maybe it’s because you’re somewhat enraged due the risk Seungmin has done tonight. Between the two of you, you are the protective one in a ridiculous manner—enough to say that you relentlessly devoted such secrecy and safety as this forbidden intimacy you have with your childhood friend. You dreamt of privacy in this relationship you’ve been maintaining without such troubles.

Years ago, you ghosted the love of your life to leave Makan right after he betrayed you for a mission, and ended up returning to the country after a few years with unresolved feelings. You had to keep the relationship now since the rivalry between your families is still fresh despite working together behind the scenes to give recovery to Makan. Both clans are hesitant to collaborate, unfortunately, despite it being a great help to stop the monster.

The Leyvas and Solanos abandoning or straight-up killing both of you is likely if anybody gets to see the mess you risked yourselves to be in. Without second thoughts, you know Minho’s willing to pull out his gun if he knew about your setup. Not only the two of you could be kicked out or murdered, but other potential heirs will possibly replace you, like Minho. You’d rather put yourself in danger than let that cousin of yours take the crown.

The madness is the only reason you’re working together. You never planned to tie yourself with him outside of the relationship you’ve been keeping. All you hope is that your relationship wouldn’t affect your progress in this and future missions.

Seungmin mumbles your name. “I truly need to have a word with you. It’s urgent.” He moves his head back, almost hitting his head on the wall. “Jeongin and I found something new that can help us with the madness.”

If it’s possible to bring hyperboles to life, you might’ve done it in an instant. The thought of Seungmin involving his cousin in their mission just makes your blood boil even worse—almost feels like smoke is coming out of you. You set your hand between the wall and Seungmin’s head, bringing yourself and your blade closer to him. “Your cousin knows what we’re doing?” you grit your teeth. “I thought we made a deal of not telling anyone what we're doing! There are heavy consequences if anybody saw us together.”

That sounds like you do not like this relationship?

You love him dearly. You just despise the fact that you are forbidden lovers who can’t even open up about this matter without your families relentlessly attempting to kill each other, even if love is too beautiful to hide. It has eaten you whole to the point where you don’t want to deal with any more of it. What could be left is both of you if you keep safe and protect yourselves. You and Seungmin would fall down on the ground first if Seungmin keeps on risking what you have. 

And he is all you have.

The present time would be so different if Seungmin pushed his knife much closer to your chest years ago. He knows and admits that he wouldn’t do anything to harm you—but he didn’t follow what his heart said because it’s father’s orders. 

What stopped him pierce your heart and make you bleed is… your heart, to be frank. 

He loved you so much, and he still loved you amidst the fact that he betrayed your trust once by killing your grandfather for his father’s validation. Until this day, that love never faded to dust. He’d risk keeping you alive, even if he still feels the scars he left on you because of that single thing he did that almost made grief eat you whole. As long as it’s not you who’s dead, what Seungmin deliriously thinks every time. He still understood the misery you went through after that tragedy, not that he completely erased that in your history with him. He admitted his deep feeling of guilt many times, and he continued doing that after you somehow moved on from your grandfather’s death. Being in a gang involves running fast, which includes moving on in no time.

Seungmin grunts and attempts to push away the knife from your hand. “Put the dagger down. We’re so far away from any people to be seen, we’ll not get caught.”

What made you melt are his next words—he calls your name and gently asks you to put your blade down. And you finally did.

You sigh in retreat and ask, “What brings you here, Seungmin? Spill it out, quick.”

Seungmin chuckles and answers, “Jeongin and I discovered something about the monster.” He stands straight and looks right through your eyes. “That monster produces those insects that get into people’s heads.”

“That monster being like the culprit of all lice infestations in a school?” you tilt your head in confusion. Seungmin shakes his head with affection—finding your analogy quite interesting. He answers once again and shrugs, “Yeah, something similar to that, _____.”

For a minute, you hate how nonchalant and straightforward he is for this matter; how he said that the monster and insects were one; how he and his cousin found out perfectly; how he considered your wonder about the monster. It’s ridiculous to think that Seungmin would never succeed in gaining sources. He always gets everything he wants and needs easily, so effortlessly.

You take a deep breath and think, everything is not clicking yet. One, the Isidro family is currently holding the cure to the madness. Two, Ereden Carlos holds sensitive information about this monster. And now… this?

“Is there any relation between the Isidros and the monster?” you exhale in worry, returning your knife to where it should be—hidden from any commoner who can misinterpret your intention of holding the weapon. “I have some suspicions with Ereden already, but not with Jisung yet.”

Seungmin hums in curiosity. Nothing is in his head just yet, he realizes. He still feels dazed after you pointed him with that sharp knife that magically appeared from your sleeve. But he does think that there are potential relations between the Isidro family and that monster.

Something came up in his head though.

“Don’t you think it should be the relation between Ereden and the Isidros we’re supposed to look out for? They may set us up.” he blinks his eyes brashly and purses his lips. “To lose people’s trust in the gangs, maybe? Jisung and Ereden are probably teaming up to bring us to failure.”

Seungmin straightens his back and pulls down his coat. He finally gets to connect more clues. “The flow could be like this: Jisung got information about the monster from Ereden. He uses that to create the vaccine formula to bring his family back from the dead since the Isidros’ businesses are considered nothing as of now. That would give enough backlash to our families since we did nothing good with the madness.”

“They’re gaining the power we should have,” you curse under your breath. “That makes all sense. We need more information to confirm this theory of yours, as much as I’d like to admit that maybe what exactly happened.”

You walk in circles on the soiled grass, not minding the painfully slow movement of your feet because of the mud. You need to grasp more resources to make sure the Leyvas and Solanos wouldn’t be buried under the ground for looking like both sides didn’t move, even an inch, to respond to the madness. The vaccine definitely boosted the Isidro family’s name once again after foreign companies settled in the city and took over the markets. You believe the Isidros, Ereden, and almost anybody associated with them has the answer to finishing this problem.

As strange as Jisung could be, he is not blind to the rivalry between your families. You assume that he repeatedly tried to convince you to collaborate with his family to back up his family and beat the Solano clan in this rivalry by profiting from the vaccine and milking the people with their trust in the Leyvas. He might’ve been on your side in this fight all this time.

“I think I could entice Jisung and retrieve information from him,” you stopped, finding where Seungmin stands. “He’d be very glad that I changed my mind and listen to his matters. I’ll arrange a meeting with him on the other day,” you clasp your hands together in glee.

Riding along with your sudden mirth, he takes a few steps and tilts his head to ask, “And for tonight, what we can do?”

Oh, you know Seungmin has something in his mind. Just one look on his face, and you’re immediately thrown with so many signs. The glint in his eyes, that goofy smirk, and the wiggling eyebrows—they all tell you he has a foolish idea at the back of his mind.

“Say whatever you’re going to suggest,” you roll your eyes, “I just want to get over what your mind’s arranging for the two of us.”

You will never get used to Seungmin’s absurd antics. He always did things that his family didn’t want from him. He fell in love with you, despite being told to stay away from any Leyvas. He wandered around Caasi and nearby cities even if he shouldn’t hang around anywhere else outside their territory to avoid trouble. 

Caasi is smaller than other cities. It was the reason Seungmin wanted to see what was outside his hometown. Caasi, being smaller than other cities, doesn’t mean that the city itself is small though. It took him a while to simply get out of this place. People often use horses or bikes to travel from town to town in Makan, especially during the summer season.

The Solano heir brought you once to a farm outside the city. He was so eager to show you a much better environment for the two of you—a place you can forget that you’re in gangs. When you enjoyed prancing around the strawberry fields, he instantly knew the risk was worth it. Once he saw you smile at the greenery and the shining sun above you, he felt his heart beating incredibly fast. In a flash, Seungmin was convinced that he’d do anything to see the joy in its most visible form—you with a smile.

Inarguably, that was one of the best moments still stored in his memories. It was a treasured time that he didn’t care about anything else, even getting scolded for returning home late at night. As long as you had the most fantastic time of your life, he’s very contented. It also gave him more reasons to rebel constantly in the dark for an extension of his freedom just so he can be with you without getting condemned.

Despite not speaking about your grandfather’s death anymore, he still tries to bury the guilt for killing him. Even with that, he still wants your love. He still wants you, even if he scarred you deeply.

“Let’s go to the pier again.” It was a place he always wanted to go with you, after all. Everything about the pier just screams you. His hand grazes with yours. “Do you know that you always remind me of the pier?”

Electricity climbed up from your feet in a snap from that question and a small touch of his hand. Your jaw drops, almost feeling like you got stuck in your place. After all these years, Seungmin associated the pier with you and you only. 

He reads you too well until the point he knows what could shock you or not. He giggles and shakes his head in amusement as the daze on your face is all he sees. Your reactions have always been so adorable to his eyes, even if it’s for something murderous or thrilling. He cherishes the animated and expressive face that you have.

Seungmin’s hand reaching out for your bruised ones, he says, “I always feel safe whenever I see the ocean. I feel the same way whenever I have you by my side.”

The short but sweet words from your occasionally romantic lover are enough to forget any tension in your body. But you always love to pose that the effect is the opposite. “You might’ve forgotten that I fear the ocean,” you mumble.

Seungmin’s smile on his face drops. He purses his lips in annoyance and lightly stomps his feet on the grass. “I was trying to be romantic here.”

Fooling him has always been your power, so of course, you push his patience more. “It’s not working, Seungmin,” you wave your hand, smirking, “try harder.”

With a tighter grip on your hand, Seungmin smirks and asks, “Will you trust me?” Oh, he is very sure that the second try will work very well enough to make you flustered. His idea is simpler but stronger than the thunderstorms that speed south to the ocean near the pier.

He will not stop until you say yes, you’ve always known. You’re going to trust him, even if there is an inch of doubt bubbling in your stomach just by looking at the mischievous expression displayed on his face. “Fine, do whatever you want.”

Seungmin picks up the mask you dropped on the cement nearby and pulls it back to his beautiful face. He assumes that you have nothing to expect yet, so he delicately snakes his arms around your waist, immediately giving you an effect on your end. “Would you like to dance with me in there?” he asks, whispering near your ear.

He pulls his head back to check your face for any response, whether you are up for the subtly risky request or not. He was greeted by your quivering lips, no words coming out of them.

Whatever you’re feeling… is not it. It is an understatement to say that you feel flustered by that act. You were electrified once again by his touch. You also felt your hairs stand up after he asked you softly to your ears.

Seungmin quietly calls for your name, tracing circles on your back. He still awaits your answer, still looking at those lips of yours. He wouldn’t mind waiting after the shock he believes you felt.

Instead, Seungmin places his head where it’s supposed to be, on your shoulder. He ties his arms around you tighter and chuckles when he feels you stiffen. “Are you still with me, _____?”

Undeniably stuck in your place, you mumble, “Yes, Seungmin.” Your heart softens when you realize the comfort you feel just being surrounded by him. Something intimate as this can melt the playful demeanor you always exhibit. You lean your head over his on your shoulder, and you mutter, “I’d love to dance with you. I don’t want to lose you, so please make sure nobody can recognize you.”

“Don’t die, please.”

Regardless of how disturbing your request is, it pulled Seungmin’s heartstrings for some reason. Even if defying any possibility of dying is an unrealistic promise, he’d do that just for you.

Losing each other has always been a familiar topic in moments, especially whenever you feel vulnerable. Mayhaps expressing your concern for each other has become your declaration of love. It’s similar to saying that you’re never letting go of each other.

Bloody and bruising missions or situations always come around, and you’d always find a way to let those pass together. It was strangely hard to be on your own and hurting alone, after the devastating news, like losing your grandfather. It was supposed to be easy, but what broke you into pieces and recover much longer than usual is that Seungmin caused it. Your own lover was the one who did it without consciousness taking over him to stop just for you.

With so much destruction left and right while growing up, you two became so numb after every tragedy within your circles. You both resorted to surviving alone and not digging more into the casualties you hear every day with heavy hearts. Why? Because only one will win when the feud is over. Losing anybody hurts so much, and you’d rather not feel that every day. Both of you, as heirs, pray that you two will be the last ones standing, or everybody is still alive if your hands can make that come to life. 

But luck will never be on your side. The feud is still lively moving around the city. It’s too late and too grueling to return to peace.

Seungmin looks down and grins, “That’s very idealistic, _____.” You laugh in sorrow together. “But of course, you can trust me with that. I’ll always be here, and that’s all for you.”

Here lies a promise that can be easily broken by a single hit. It’s a vow that is hard to maintain but embraced with genuine and endearing intentions. It’s a promise that he’d still do because of you.

You exhale heavily. “This still feels so wrong to say this, but I hope you know I love you with all of my soul,” you sharply look into his eyes, caressing his cheek, “alright, Seungmin?”

The jitteriness felt from your voice is enough to frighten Seungmin. He knows what that meant—another time of you hitting hard on the ground, doubting your relationship.

This happens once in a while. He knows you tend to overthink the relationship. When you were young, your families were aware of your relationship, much to your dismay—it was one of your biggest problems as a teenager. Merely just being together in the flesh will always make you worry about which family will make the first move in threatening the other. No matter whether the distance between you two is big or small, you will always have a weapon hidden somewhere in your clothes because your family said so.

“You can kill him, _____. This is your chance to kill the rival, their heir!”

Hearing that felt right and wrong. It was too late to hear that. You absolutely fell for him already when you heard your family convince you to take advantage of your relationship to manifest the downfall of the Solanos. You would’ve done that earlier if you didn’t even take an interest in him. But if that did not happen, maybe you’d never uncover what’d feel like to be happy and in love; maybe you’d have buried yourself with anger and misery in every inch of your being.

The Solanos are your family’s rival, after all. They were right to say that you should’ve killed him at every chance you get. You had that chance to pull that dagger into your bottoms and stab him with no one to witness, just the blood as proof. You could’ve avenged him after he killed your own grandfather, but you were too nice to do that.

Your family looked forward to every chance you get to kill the intelligent, romantic, and cunning heir of the Solano gang, hence why it felt wrong in some way. They never took your relationship seriously and used it instead as a weapon. Escaping the sorrowful and unpleasant life of being in a violent gang for love and bliss was the reason it felt right. Finally, you knew you felt butterflies in your stomach, your cheeks heating, your arm hair standing up, and your body tingling—all because of him.

And Seungmin’s your first and last love, for sure. He’ll always be the one even if forces will set you apart, dead or alive. 

“I love you too, with my whole heart,” he gives you a soft smile—a sight you always loved, along with his glimmering eyes—and steps back. He reaches out for your hand and says, “You’re safe with me, the same goes for me with you. We’ll be alright, no need to get too concerned.”

Seungmin delicately pulls you back into the function room of the building, looking back at you when you reach past the arc. Your senses were unexpectedly filled with the soft classical music playing in front of the tables and the aroma of the delicious menu for the night. Though your ongoing fear of Seungmin getting caught—especially since he’s right beside you and holding your hand—ruins your mood, hence why a flat expression is visible on your face.

The supposed effect of Seungmin’s touch and presence should be the total opposite—reassuring you enough that you’ll be fine, as he said earlier. And maybe, he is right. He is totally covered with a dark blue mask and an unusual outfit, something he particularly wouldn’t wear—a navy blazer, a white dress shirt, and black slacks. You’re more used to his literally dark appearance, always sporting an all-black outfit. The slight change of outfit is considerably effective in not getting caught by any Leyva.

The look is a nice change for one night. He looks nice, strangely cleaner than usual.

Stopping you in a small space in the middle of the room, he slips his arms around your waist, anticipating your touch on his skin one more time. You two are surrounded by pairs who similarly do the same—arms entangling on each other’s bodies, swaying left and right, looking at each other lovingly. It was an atmosphere that was fair enough to blend in.

You also raise your arms to fasten together around Seungmin’s neck, his skin feeling slightly burning because of your touch on the nape of his neck. “Can we not make ourselves too obvious here?”

He playfully nods and smirks, “That is a challenge but of course. Anything for you, Leyva.” The sight of his smirk makes you want to pull down his mask once again. You want to see his smile, his whole face. You want him to be entirely visible. You want to see all of him in a moment like this.

Inarguably, you’d pull his mask off the second he laced his arms around you if you are in a private place to dance.

People being people, they can overhear your conversation and spread gossip like wildfire. You start with a discussion that can compensate for the profound words and gestures between you two. You hush, asking Seungmin, “How were you able to find the monster and its insects?” You tilt your head and continue, “How did you know they were… one?”

Seungmin shivers over the memory. “We saw everything that happened on our way home. We saw it doing all of it—releasing the insects out from the monster’s back,” he said, with a slightly faster heartbeat. Even if he saw so much blood throughout the years, he’d argue that nothing compares to seeing a beast with havoc in the making.

You retort, “I was expecting it to release those insects from the mouth, what a bummer.” You two laughed.

You shake your head and ask him more about what he found, “Did any of the insects chase you two right after they came out of the monster?”

Seungmin blinks. He slowly opens his mouth, but no words came out of it. You politely smile and nod, understanding how horrific it was for him and his cousin. For him, your expression is a sign to take courage and speak about it, so he shakes his head and blurts out, “The insects were so close to flying to our heads. We had to hide. We covered our heads with sacks and sat behind boxes. Afterward, we ran away, so we didn’t get any of those.”

You close your eyes and sigh in relief. They were safe. “None of you got bitten by those insects, thank goodness. I’d be more devastated than ever if any of you got bitten by those tiny but lethal creatures. We shouldn’t be losing more people.” 

Behind the cloth wrapped around Seungmin’s face, he feels terrified, eyebrows furrowing without your notice. He truly wants to protect you. It’s been his biggest priority ever since. But he has to finish what’s deteriorating the city. You should move undercover as soon as possible. There is always someone dying every minute, which has become a norm, something normal for any citizen to see, unfortunately.

Normal until the point where the growing number of incidents related to this subject has been nothing for some. Even within the gang, he hears multiple reports from members within a day. He also once saw someone die in a distance, and he noticed the surrounding people didn’t care. The nurses nearby just dealt with the body and everyone quickly moved on from it. It is undeniably petrifying to know that something destructive like this can damage people’s minds by being numb to such.

He hums in response, agreeing with you. Indeed, the madness should be over as soon as possible. “You must send a letter right away if you’re going to visit the Isidro family,” he gently strokes your back on the soft fabric of your top. “I am sure that we can finish this. If any problem arises, I’ll be there with you, always.”

You play with his collar and respond, “I think I should be the only one going. I don’t want to give you the risk of going there with me.” Pursing your lips, you lower your voice and continue, “I will tell you everything after my visit, so we can make sure that we missed nothing, alright?”

And just then, Seungmin realized that you have established your need to let him live, but what about you? Do you have to be the one facing danger every time just for the sake of his life? “Everything that we’ve been doing has been a massive risk, ____. There wouldn’t be that much loss in accompanying you to their manor—”

“Take your hands off of my cousin, Solano. I know it’s you,” a voice booms around the room, followed by a gun click. The weapon then is pointed right behind Seungmin’s head. “Step back from my cousin, will you?” 

You moved to the side to see that Minho was the one interrupting the dance. Gently, you pushed Seungmin immediately and face your cousin. Minho is still not moving. The gun now is pointed in front of you. “Can you put the gun down, my dear cousin?” you softly asked, concerned about all the eyes looking at the scene.

His forehead creasing and his explosive voice filled with aggression, he answers, “_____, I know that voice!” The man resists and pulls up his other hand to point at Seungmin.

Reaching for his wrist in front of you, you make sure that he will shoot nobody in this room. You will make sure that your one and only wish for Seungmin—don’t die, as you said earlier—won’t be broken tonight. 

“It’s not him, Minho, leave the poor man alone. He’s someone harmless,” you attempt to push down the gun in his grasp. “He’ll be gone in a second if he stepped into our territory, am I right?” you ask, looking around the room. You saw someone, a masked Jeongin, stepping forward carefully in case anything happens to Seungmin. You warn Minho softly, “Put it down. Everyone’s scared of your gun. Don’t pull it out in an event like this.”

You quickly signal Seungmin to leave the scene. Before Seungmin steps back, he caught your cousin sneering at him. 

And a woman’s cry broke the silence when Minho planned to speak.

No.

Someone is dying, again. Because of that one hell of a monster.

You would cry and break down on your knees if you have much time. But no, obviously, you need to move fast like you always do. As much as this is another overwhelming moment you have no choice but to face, you have to push back your tears and do something.

Desperately yelling to everyone to get out of the room might have done the trick. It made everyone sprint to the door, away from the very first victim of the night in this room. You even drag and push those who froze on the spot in panic.

Though what you’ve been doing is not the most efficient, despite it being the only way to get everyone out of the mess. Some of them slowly reaching their throats is on sight. They harshly scratch their throats to kill themselves without any thought, making their blood flood near floors, tables, and chairs. 

You’ve been trying your hardest to get out of your limits and bring most of the people to safety. You’ll feel mad at yourself later on if all of them will die for a reason they didn’t ask for. 

A lot of them had gotten outside already, thankfully. Even all of the Figueroas have gone home instantly the moment they stepped out of their building. Some are still on their way out of the building, those who just exited the function room.

You quickly walk back and see those who were almost “possessed” by the insects on their heads on the floor, hands still on their scratched and bloodied necks, also surrounded by their own blood.

Maybe you already feel the rage within yourself. You failed to save them. If the insect didn’t fly to their scalps, they could’ve lived longer—longer than what they probably wanted.

Almost bursting into flames over something you can’t control, unfortunately. Even if you want no victim to lie down here and die, that’s something unrealistic to think of, to begin with. 

You take a deep breath and shake your head. You really cannot break into pieces in front of them. You shouldn’t do that when you’re supposed to do something bigger. 

Something feels wrong though.

You hear someone calling your name. That someone has a familiar voice that you couldn’t think in your head who it is because of the distance.

Quivering over the thought of someone dear dying, you search for the voice.

You find Minho’s younger brother and another beloved cousin, Felix, resisting reaching his hand to his neck. Running towards him, you sob and straddle his waist. You hold onto his wrists, helping him defy the death that has been chasing him. Your jaw clenches in frustration, and you grunt.

“Lix, please, I don’t want to lose you,” you chant his name many times, “not you too, I still want you here.”

In your head, you pray that he’ll live. Why do you keep losing precious people? It has been an ongoing theme in your life, a theme that you couldn’t escape for some reason.

You have been long aware that moving on should be quick if things like these happen, but why can’t you have much time to mourn for one and then move to another? Your emotions can’t seem to give you quick recovery time, leaving you always a mess when you have to let go of somebody.

And apparently, fate wants you to be miserable for the rest of your life. Maybe that’s the consequence you will endlessly face as a gang member. You’ll always be helpless because you easily grow attachments to people around you—something that you shouldn’t do as a gang member, obviously—, including your cousin currently on the floor.

With your heart filled with so much anger and resentment, you did not notice that you have been crying and breathing heavily on top of Felix, still holding onto the wrists that have been moving against his will. 

You move your body, hands still on Felix’s wrists and one of your knees on the floor between his legs, to put your other leg on top of his shuffling legs. “Hold on, Felix. Don’t put your hand on your neck!” you cry out. You have been keeping your hands on his wrists, your fingers and palms in pain from the force of your cousin’s arms pushing against you.

Felix’s consciousness is still here, so a part of him has also been trying to bring his arms down. You cannot help but feel your chest getting heavy over seeing your cousin on the edge of losing himself. 

He hates what came for him, feeling the same way as you. He’s very inquisitive enough to know everything you’ve been doing for Caasi, including your secret missions with Seungmin (but he held that to himself, knowing that he does not have the right to say that to anybody without your consent). All this time, he knows that you have been finding an end to the madness. He wants to be there for you the moment you have successfully finished what you started.

But he’s been holding way too long. His energy cannot keep up with whatever his body wants to do. And perhaps, this is where he’ll stop.

Unlike you, he finds it easy to move on when he can’t do anything else. Though he already feels guilty to leave you and his older brother, already anticipating the worst states from both of you after his death. 

The eyes of Felix, your cousin and your brother, slowly lose their sparks, and your heart cannot help but break a little more over the sight of it. Even just by looking at his face, you know he feels so exhausted already.

If he stop himself a little more, maybe you’d let go of one of his hands and pull out the insects in his head. But you feel someone touch your arms from behind, pulling you back.

You already thought everyone was gone at this point, including your own family. 

“Let him go, _____,” you hear Seungmin grunt behind you, continuously pulling your arms away from your cousin. You want to scream, to resist more with what Felix has left, but nothing comes out of your throat. You would do everything to keep one of the most important people alive. You’ll just sulk more and feel more remorse if you leave him here lifeless.

You really can’t seem to move on. You haven’t accepted the true reality, the reality that you have to lose someone tonight. You are filled with so much hope that he’d still survive.

Felix slowly fails to keep up, the strength of his hands is stronger, very close to claw his neck. He tells you, “You heard him, _____, “ he weakly smiles, “I’ll be okay. I don’t want you to go through this either.”

Intensely shaking your head, you put more weight on your leg on top of one of his own. You shake your head one more time and sob harder than before. “You mean so much to me, Lix. I don’t want to lose you, please,” you lean to his chest.

You finally break, feeling all your tears fall to your cousin’s brown button-down. Already lying on his chest, you repeatedly ask him not to let go. 

Seungmin calls your name and reaches for your arms. The touch of your lover was enough to tell you that you should get going, even if you don’t want to yet. Felix already looks and feels very weak, and maybe it’s too late to save him. 

You sniffle and loosen your grip on your cousin’s pale wrists. “I’ll end this madness for you, Lix. I’ll kill who started this, who made you die like this,” you share your last words with him, your voice shaking with so much anger and your teeth gritting hard. “I’ll let the culprit die without mercy and smear their blood everywhere. They fucking deserve it,” you quietly laugh.

Seungmin felt shivers in his body. His eyes enlarged, your wrathful words made him feel like he was burning. There was so much determination in your voice and your eyes. From that moment, he knew you will not give yourself a break until you have finished what your cousin could’ve seen—you finishing the madness.

He still has a hold on your arms. Then, he asks if you’re ready to get up, and you monotonously say yes. He swiftly pulls you up after you let go of Felix’s wrists.

You choose to not see how your cousin dies with his own hand. So once you’re back up on your feet, you pull Seungmin into your body and cover your eyes with his chest and your ears with his hands.

Seungmin holds onto you just how you want him to, shielding you from more pain to take in until the young man in front of both of you is truly lifeless. When he stares at Felix’s condition—his left arm lying on his chest with his hand painted red and his neck sliced open, blood slowly pouring out to his chest and the floor—, he shudders and exhales deeply. One thing he wanted for you before the night started was a beautiful moment to escape from the current situation you’re in, but what you got was another outrageous nightmare that could change your life once again.

Your lover delicately moves away his hands from your ears, stroking them on your head and your neck to check if any insect flew to your head. He pecks your forehead, mumbling on your skin, “He’s gone now, _____.”

Letting your hands fall from Seungmin’s torso, you move back to look at the body. You firmly clench your fist and strangely glare at the blood on the floor. For the first time, you crave violence. The rage taking over makes you want to kill whoever started the madness, whoever made these creatures. You will end them with your own hands.

It’s like the blood is giving you motivation. You cannot help but feel more driven to finish the madness.

And killing them will be the only thing that will satisfy you for a lifetime.

Seungmin’s name fell off your lips. You walk back to him, asking for his attention. “I’ll send the letter to the Isidros tonight, let’s get over with this. Meet me at the usual spot first thing in the morning, okay?”

He nods and follows you to the door of the function room, also taking an exit to the building itself. 

The Solano heir is not sure about something, it could bother him all night, so he doesn’t hesitate and ask, “Will this change of heart affect us?”

You stop on your steps, right under the streetlight in front of an alley, smirking at the sight of Seungmin fearing your furious side will forever take over you, even your relationship.

But your heart will be the one that will always be on top. You’re too soft to let sorrow eat you whole, you even try to avoid that even if it follows you everywhere. The whole time Felix was suffering, agony and desire to avenge were filling the void of this emptiness in your body when your mind is slowly sinking in the fact that you’ll lose him. 

“No, Seungmin,” your eyes soften at the sight of Seungmin looking genuinely scared. “I’m just genuinely infuriated that I had to see my own cousin die, and I wasn’t kidding when I said I’ll kill whoever started this mess,” you breathily answer, lightly pulling the hair on your head in heartbreak, “I won’t let my anger get in between us, especially when it’s not supposed to be involved.”

You gulp and continue to try to be nonchalant, “But my heart certainly feels broken, and it might be broken forever after losing him, Seungmin. Losing him just makes me angry at myself for some reason.”

“Even if I say I move on from people I lost when time moves fast, I feel like I’m just eating my own words,” your voice quivers. You feel the adrenaline dying down, affecting your growing vulnerability. “I am not numb to losing people, no matter how long it has been since I last saw them. He, and many people, could’ve lived longer if there was a stronger force that could’ve helped me in saving all of them.”

Before you say your next words, Seungmin rushes to you and embraces you. “Every time I hear someone dies from that monster, I feel so guilty. It makes me overthink whether I’m progressing well in this mission or not,” you let go of everything in his arms, sobbing on his shoulder.

“Crying like this just leads me to anger, Seungmin. I feel so angry, I don’t even have to pinpoint who to blame. Regardless of how much I’m lacking, I seriously want to hunt down who brought those goddamn unmanlike freaks here. I don’t want to know who else I couldn’t save anytime soon.”

Seungmin squeezes you tighter. He wants to console you, but he’d rather let you release everything before he’ll step in. He knows you so much. You’ll unloose yourself and get back up and get a grip when you’re ready. He’ll speak when he knows you’re okay.

You pull his coat, pleading for something you desperately want to do, “Let’s go somewhere else, please. I don’t want to be here.”

And he knows one place.

It shouldn’t be surprising that he brought you to the pier. 

Even as kids, when something goes wrong, you two go to the pier. Going here is considered therapeutic. You two will ramble about your worries in front of the ocean. Doing all of that is similar to throwing unwanted matters away, you set free from your problems by dumping all of them into the water.

Quietly playing with Seungmin’s fingers, you blankly stare at the body of water before you. Fatigue somehow ate all of your energy, leaving you with almost any amount of it within you. With your head on top of Seungmin’s shoulder, you close your eyes and take a deep breath of oxygen.

“Do you want to go home already?” Seungmin warmly asks you. “We’ve been here for… 2 hours already? I can bring you home already if you feel like taking a snooze,” he proceeds to play with the hands that were wrapped around his own.

You look at your tangled hands, and your heart melts. Like any other day, you are once again filled with affection and endearment. It feels new after you faced a whole day filled with tragedies. It would only be a dream to make your heart feel this warm for the rest of your life.

“No, I don’t think I’m ready yet to go home,” you mutter. Feeling the hands wrapped around yours hold you tighter, you suddenly think of slowing down and spending the night with him, just like how you’re supposed to do in the first place. 

The letter for Jisung can wait.

The blood of many people never left your mind. The memory of it gives you a strange inspiration to end the beast hiding in the city. You’ll move right away after your time with the Solano heir. You’re not stopping by your home and continuing to search for the culprit the next day.

Seungmin has been so gentle with you the whole night, and you couldn’t thank him enough. He has been sticking around through your messy day and hasn’t doubted you even once. Though there were times when he might’ve felt scared, he pushed those fears away the moment he should be dodging them. 

Your lover responds, “That’s okay. We can stay here, I’ll look after you when you’ll sleep.”

“No, don’t lose sleep when you need it,” shaking your head in concern, you push yourself away and look at him. You mumble, “I was thinking of stargazing here to get sleepy. I can’t seem to fall asleep even if I feel so exhausted.”

Seungmin cocks his head to the side and asks, “What was that?” He heard what you exactly said, but he couldn’t help but let you say it with your whole chest.

You repeat what you said, and Seungmin’s heart flutters. Stargazing sounds boring, and maybe you’re doing that for that reason. You’ll just stare at the sky and mindlessly count the stars above you until you yawn. 

But it will never compete with how romantic it could be. Seungmin always thought stargazing is a dreamlike pursuit. There’s so much emotion to be felt when you’re with someone, only the two of you against thousands of stars in the sky, staring into the infinite. 

It’s a side that you’re not familiar with, for sure. He gets overly romantic, but he hasn’t stripped off some of the foolishness within him for a while. Maybe when he gets truly vulnerable, he’ll show how you filled his heart from the bottom to the top.

“If it makes you sleepy, then sure, let’s do it,” he caresses your face with his hands, heart turning to mush. 

He lies down on the wooden bridge. He carefully pulls you down on top of him, your head lying right on his chest, near his heart. 

There is this beautiful silence flowing around the atmosphere. Your breaths, his heartbeat, and the waves of the ocean combined are soothing. Through the dark, you found ease and protection, taking note of Seungmin’s arms around your torso. 

It appears to Seungmin that you don’t need to even glance at the stars, you have brought yourself into a deep slumber as quickly as a fox running. All you needed was the embrace of your lover and a soothing background for your heart to calm down and prepare for a long day ahead.

He can’t take off his mind how much pain you went through in a span of a few hours though. It’s what makes him unable to sleep. 

Two words that you pleaded to him spiral in his head, don’t die. He still believes that it’s such an idealistic view to ask someone not to avoid the end of their life. But his promise of keeping himself alive just for you is still there, he wouldn’t let go of that.

Now that he found you devastated after a relative’s death, he couldn’t fathom the possibility of you going through the same thing if he dies.

He wants to laugh at the subject of death. It never leaves him nor you, and for sure, it wouldn’t leave any time soon. The theme of death has been chasing you both ever since you were kids. Death will always be there waiting for you in any step you take. He knows it’s something you always think of.

But he wouldn’t let blood and wounds end him. If the sight of blood gave you a brand new ambition to end the madness, to him, it gave him the motive to live. All he needs is you, and he knows he can do anything. Nothing else can stop him if he’ll always find a way to run past difficulties.

Certainly, Seungmin’s ready to see your powerful, enraged self once again, and he’ll look after himself better tomorrow. Tomorrow will be another eventful day, and he is very eager to defy the limits surrounding you two.

He closes his eyes and subtly smiles, feeling oddly thrilled. He is not sure if he’s going insane, but he knows that he’ll go through the day with you being the insane one. You’ll definitely get pissed off over the people you’ll approach, and he’ll always be there to stop you. He’ll also be there when you frustratingly walk on paths you’re not supposed to take. And he’ll be beside you with his hand tied to yours when you’re in front of your fear—death.

Blood only makes you stronger—both in your personal endeavors and in your relationship. But is blood thicker than water? He is not sure about that, and he is yet to find out on the day he has to choose either his family or you, a Leyva.

[theladyofshalott1989]

Writer Interview Game

Thank you so much for tagging me @infernalrusalka! This was a lot of fun to reflect upon and type out. :)

No pressure tagging: @morelikeravenbore @ravenwind-75 @myokk @moongurl95 and honestly anyone else who wants to join in. I love reading about other writers' processes <3

When did you start writing?

Fanfic? When I was a young teen (roughly age 13/14). I wrote Star Wars (Anakin/Padme) fanfics on FanFiction.net.

Writing in general? When I was around 5. I used to "write books" (that is: take construction paper, bind it, and create little stories with pictures when I was bored at home, alone). Only child syndrome; am I right, or am I right? Haha.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I enjoy reading angst, but I don't (typically) write it. I also read a lot of published nonfiction for fun, but I hated writing essays in school. I was more of a creative writing gal.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

You know, I've never actually thought about this, probably because I like to write for myself. I think it would be odd to be compared to another writer, even a famous one. I also read oodles, so it's difficult for me to choose an author I'd want to emulate. I suppose if I were forced at gunpoint to choose, I'd say John Steinbeck. He had a way with words; he turned phrases beautifully and his books have really stuck with me over the years, especially East of Eden.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

My office, which my husband recently renovated for me. It's Hogwarts: Legacy themed, naturally. My husband is the best; he loves to encourage my "Sebastian and Damien delulu," my words, but he would definitely agree and approve. XD

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Hmm, good question. I don't know if I have one actually, unless setting a writing schedule counts? I write every morning, rain or shine, for one hour before work. If I'm in the middle of writing a long-fic, I also write during my lunch break. I don't typically take days off either. So...I dunno? I do like to write while drinking coffee. Maybe that helps. Yes, let's say that.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I tend to prefer writing morally gray characters that eventually have a redemption arc. Not sure what that says about me, but I don't mind it. Haha.

What is your reason for writing?

It's a type of therapy for me. It's the only time of the day that I get to myself. I work full-time and I'm a mom, and as thankful as I am for that, I have my own desires and passions outside of those two things that I don't want to lose. Writing is my way of keeping that part of myself alive.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

I love all types of comments, but I will worship the ground you walk upon if you're the kind of person who does reaction comments with quotes included. I try to comment this way too on other writers' fics to encourage more of this style of commenting because it's the best!

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

If someone reads anything I've written and comes away with the sense of joy that I felt while writing it, I'd be absolutely thrilled.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I have a few that I'm proud of. Dialogue, particularly banter. Push-pull dynamics in relationships, especially in established ones. Morally gray characters. Foreshadowing and twists. I'll even it out by saying I'm not as confident in my description-writing abilities, which is partially my fault. I tend to skim descriptions in published books because they more often than not bore the hell out of me. LMAO. So...that's my bad. Interestingly, I really enjoy reading descriptions in fanfics, possibly because they tend to be more unique. Descriptions in published books are often very cookie-cutter and I feel like I've read them a million times before. Oh well.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Some days I love it, other days I think my writing is the worst, but I'm finding that's pretty normal when it comes to creators. We are very critical of our own work. I try to be kind to myself on days when I'm in a negative headspace because I know the feeling will pass. <3

[pricemarshfield]

Writer Interview Game

thank you for the tag @wetcatspellcaster! honestly just this morning was talking about writing and inspiration and motivation so it was super cool to get to dive in-depth with this :) under the cut because uhhh i am chatty as all hell <3

tagging @reallyhatethiswebsite @goldfyshie927 @prettyaveragewhiteshark @pouralaura @atrueneutral @bravestworriers AND anyone else who'd like to! as always, no pressure :)

When did you start writing?

i genuinely have been writing so long that i don't remember when i started. i have distinct memories of being 6 and writing about my oc who was a babylonian priestess raised by alligators and living in antarctica in a compound full of animals, and despite being babylonian she was named athena. honestly a baller concept for me at 6 years old, i kinda still fuck with it (though i'd tweak some things. world-build a little more. probably rename her. read more than one encyclopedia page about mesopotamia)

i wrote a LOT of original stuff (read: knockoffs of whatever novels i'd read at the time) and a bit of fanfiction as a tween, got into a phase where i hated and deleted all of it and wrote WAY less as a teen, and then jumped back into fanfic with requests from my high school friend group and haven't stopped since. even when my posting has slowed, my writing hasn't; i just waffle between "post a chapter as soon as it's done" and "wait until the fic is finished and fully edited before i post a word of it". the former approach definitely works better for me because otherwise it languishes in my drafts forever (i'm sorry pricemarsh longfic. one day i will muster up the motivation to finish you).

i write Some original stuff, but more short stories than longform things. actually someone yell at me to post my molly drew backstory thing because it's one of the best things i've written in years AND fully original! (well. project zomboid. fanfic gray area but it's basically a stand-alone zombie thing, it doesn't pull from the game's lore because i don't know it lmao)

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

hm...i think i read a long more long genfics than i've written or attempted to write, which is funny because longer genfics are definitely some of the best things i've written and that have resulted in the Nicest comments and response i've ever gotten. (the only fic i've ever joined a server and had someone go "i've read this and i loved it" is a 30k genfic, and also is my magnus opus). also, i read MUCH more original fiction stuff than i write these days, even if i DO have a lot of oc ideas these days.

i'm not sure why! i don't think it's coming from a concern of lack of interest...compelled as i am by platonic dynamics, i think i just have more fun writing shippy stuff. also i write a lot of smut, so there's that. thinking about it, there mayyy be a level of spite in my not writing more original stuff, or at least not sharing it? my family is very annoying about the fact i write fic instead of original stuff, and that i am Not interested in being an author as my career. but that's a silly reason so maybe i'll hype myself up about my original stuff more lol

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

not that i can think of? not unless i'm writing something in a very specific genre, anyway. when i wrote my noir au martian thing i was very specifically trying to emulate works from that genre but even then not Authors so much as Works and even then more movies than books...i think there are some fantastic authors (both published and fandom!) that i'm very inspired by and learn from but none that i'd point to as a Style To Emulate. but in terms of writers, both the person who tagged me and everyone i'm tagging have writing i love enough that it makes me want to work on my own stuff. all of y'all use words SO well.

again, not a style i'm trying to emulate BUT in terms of books that got me thinking about words and world-building and writing in such a way that i was inspired to Create (a VASTLY incomplete list): mexican gothic by silvia moreno-garcia, exercises in style by raymond queneau, 253 by geoff ryman, the haunting of hill house by shirley jackson, this is how you lose the time war by amal el-mohtar and max gladstone, the martian by andy weir, and in the dream house by carmen maria machado. ALSO READ MORE CLASSICS AND NONFICTION AND POETRY...get thinking about words in different ways even if it's not the genre you want to write because it WILL help your writing grow...this is getting so far away from the question oops

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

...the amount of fic i've written on my dinky old laptop, in bed at 2am, directly in the ao3 textbox is FAR more than the fic i've written in any other space. (no one should do this btw.) unfortunately i write most when i compelled by ideas at at a time i shouldn't be, and my laptop is convenient

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

stepping away. forcing writing puts me back in a mindset that'll burn me out Longterm, and i won't even be happy with the end result. writing and also any other creative endeavor isn't something to do on its own forever; if you're not inspired, go read something! play something! draw something if you write/write something if you draw! go on a hike! try and fail to learn to crochet!

on top of helping yourself decompress from writer's block and burnout (if you're dealing with either), i feel like the muse always comes easier when i give her space. sometimes she comes back with a vengeance and that's when i write at 2am (that's when most of talk was written, and it haunted me for MONTHS. MONTHSSS. so i guess also you can muster up the muse by being down bad for the devil)

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

all my ocs are autistic women who mask (either well or poorly) and feel fundamentally not in line with the worlds in which they're living. which could mean nothing

but also i don't really think so! i try to very consciously write different genres and themes and ideas; i think i revisit the idea of two characters who are in some way opposed realizing they're more similar than they thought, or else finding compatibility In their differences maybe?? which isn't surprising but also i think indicates more a desire to build up a relationship as part of a plot rather than saying something about Me, Specifically

wait no i lied. in dnd and dnd-related fandoms specifically i write a LOT of stuff vis a vis divinity and expectations and the dichotomy of good/evil in the setting not necessarily matching with any sort of real-world morality/philosophy and the horror inherent to godhood (on both the side of the god and the follower.) i'm not a particularly religious person nor was i raised as such, so not sure Why, but it's very interesting to me!!

What is your reason for writing?

i want to read it and no one's gonna write it exactly like i will!! but also...it's fun. i like getting into a character's head. i like figuring out how to get from scene a to scene b in a way that doesn't take away from the narrative. i LOVE getting to see the ways a story can shift outside its outline (my outlines are very bare-bones, so this happens a lot). it's something that i enjoy and that i can share with people.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

any comment that shares something about my writing that either i was actively trying to do or that i didn't notice at all. the first is a delight because it means someone gets what i'm going for!! hell yes! and then the latter is a look at my writing through someone else's eyes which is just so so nice. either one feels like Connecting with people over my writing which is! the goal! so hell yes!

really though any comment that isn't "write more" is motivating to me. someone once left a keysmash and nothing else in the comment box and it motivated me to pick up another wip for the same pairing and write another chapter

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

i am a human being and not a content machine <3 this doesn't come up a lot anymore but i used to have to deal with a lot of asks and requests that would demand more fic even as all my posts were about the immense grief i was dealing with at the time lol.

but also i want to be seen as a person who can be approached! send me asks about what i've written, dm me, tell me about zines and fanweeks and things like that! i literally live with someone i met in a fandom space, fandom works best when it's a thing you share with people rather than a thing you Consume and expect Recognition for. (not that recognition is BAD, but like...see it as connection first and content second, ykwim? i also say this knowing i'm bad about reaching out first but. yeah. i'm working on it!)

slight tangent but you've already read this far so <3 i also feel like fandom these days has moved to more private spaces rather than public appreciation...like, how many fandom events get shared primarily in discord servers that a new fan might not know to join? how many people only get hyped up by people they've already talked with? how many people gush over a fic in a server and then never mention it to the author? i want to be approachable because i want to actually Engage with people without having to join 80 discord servers for different niche things and hope i find a place i vibe with. (nothing against discord specifically--anyone can ask for mine, and i met some dear friends that i'm tagging through a fan discord server, but i hate social connection in fandom being Limited to that.) okay tangent over

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

this is so specific lol but i think i'm really good at flow and sentence structure. like...i feel like i space out my sentences and paragraphs well to keep things from getting too jarring even while being wordy as all hell in a smut oneshot. (there's a reason my first tav is a bard multiclass with the sage background, and it's because neither of us can or will shut up <3)

How do you feel about your own writing?

honestly? pretty damn good. i'll still go through what every writer does where i reread my own stuff and think it sucks sometimes, but i think i've gotten to a place in my writing where i can enjoy it as it stands even if i notice something i'd edit differently. it helps that i've started writing a lot more SELF-indulgently rather than request-indulgently (though please do still send requests if you want! <3 i just mean that i'm not ONLY writing things for other people)

[astarionancuntnin]

✨Writing Interview Tag Game✨

Thank you for the tag @nyx-knox!! <33

When did you start writing?

Like wayyyyyyyyy back, I technically wrote my first story when i was 11. I didn't write again until i was 15 (original pieces + fanfics), then i stopped and Im back at it again at 26 ayoooo

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

if i really need to search further into my favorite books, i would definitely say psychological horror and dramas

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I don't know writers enough to really get an idea of how to compare myself to any of them, but I do know that i tend to emulate what i'm exposed to, so if I read an entire series from an author, and they used a certain syntax, i'll tend to also do it by force of habit. (i also consider it a flaw cause i see it as hindering my writing creativity ;-;)

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

its my personal pc that doubles as my work space, so its a bit all over the place ngl haha, theres a lot of astarion stickers and posters, all the furniture (keyboard, mouse, desk, etc) is pastel purple (my favorite colour), i have three screens (mostly for work but its also useful in day to day life) and my three wallpapers are astarion, of course. sometimes when i feel a writers block, i found out that writing on my laptop does unblock me! in that case, youll find me typing away on my couch in my living room uwu

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

MUSIC. What I write will be highly dependent on what I listen at the moment, like I was really into boywithuke when i wrote my angsty fics, and then i moved to a dark romance playlist and that got me going for die for you but then i was unable to continue my other fic cause i wasnt in an angsty mood anymore ._. (i swear i didnt abandon it, it just isnt the playlists turn to play on repeat) and rn im a lot into sleep token and ari abdul

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

So. Much. Smut. And angst. not surprising! my writing will also often depict my current state of mind. dw im in therapy, im working on it

What is your reason for writing?

It's my favorite creative output/the one im most experienced in! i wanna start drawing but i never find the time to really get into it and also terrified of failure which brings me to my second reason, its all i think i can do and i get dopanine reading nice comments teehee

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

when people tell me about a favourite part, when they liked the tension i managed to create, how i convey some characters, and most of all when i get told they loved a character i created!! this is so encouraging and pushes me to continue <3

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

i dont know how to answer to that .-. uh, i guess i want to be liked? seen as a good writer if anything? idk man ;-;

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Definitely descriptions, and creating a build up in a scene. I feel like it comes naturally to me and people have often told me that they are never lost when reading my scenes which reassures me so much LMAO I feel validated I also think I make really fun dialogue, especially banter with my ocs/tavs

How do you feel about your own writing?

i often self criticise my own work a lot, and i get that imposter syndrome where ill reread my work before posting and go "what the hell" in those moments, im grateful im not writing on paper cause that sheet would find its way to the trash real quick ^^ ' im sincerely truly blessed that my partner offers himself to read my pieces and beta read them, and tell me his honest opinion (there are things i wrote i wish i could forget and yall better be thankful he was there to stop me from posting first versions)

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

mix of both definitely. initially i wrote my own ideas and if people do end up liking them hell yeah!!! glad im able to find people that vibe the same way i do! then again, when i write for people, even if most of it comes from my silly little imagination, it was initially influenced by the request itself and is going to guide the writing specific to this piece, which honestly makes sense imo

Tagging 🏷️: @marlowethebard @roguishcat @anacdoce @charmandabear @marimosalad

[cordelia---rose]

15 questions for 15 friends

i was tagged by the wonderful @johaerys-writes, thank you so much!

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?: nope! my mother found a book of rare names, wrote down a whole bunch, and my father only liked one of them. fun fact, only three people in the entire world have the same first name as me ⭐

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: oh man in terms of like any tears at all…like this morning because my PMDD is hitting me hard at the moment and i saw my dog being cute and it was all too much for me but in terms of a big, proper cry…probably a couple of weeks?

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?: i am actively filled with repulsion and dread at the thought of having children so it’s a good thing i don’t

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?: i used to play hockey, netball, tennis and rounders at school and then whatever they made us do in PE but i’m not a huge sports person, especially not teams ones!

DO YOU USE SARCASM?: too much. i realised in my teens that if i’m deliberately deadpan and sarcastic all the time, people just think it’s funny and don’t look at me weirdly when i’m having an especially autistic day and can’t mask well because it just blends into my usual demeanour. everyone at work thinks i’m very dry and sarcastic when actually it’s mostly just me failing to understand social cues.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?: gosh honestly i really don’t know. although i do pay a lot of attention to people’s smiles, i think you can learn a lot about a person by how they smile. whether it’s forced or natural, if their eyes smile too, if they hold their happiness back or let it come out unrestrained, etc., so i’ll go for smiles!

WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR?: boring boring blue

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?: can we not have both? i’ll always have to pick scary movies though because horror is my favourite genre, but i love a final girl ending!

ANY TALENTS?: ooh this is tough because for me a talent is something you’re just naturally good at, but the things that other people would probably say i have a natural talent for are my hobbies which i’ve worked at for a long time so i wouldn’t be able to say if it’s an innate talent or just a skill i’ve honed. i think i’ll probably say playing the double bass (or upright bass in the USA) - i tried it out at a musical open day thing at my school and decided i liked it, and then twelve weeks later i sat a music exam for it and passed with top marks despite it usually taking several years to get to that point!

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?: england. i was doomed from the start.

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?: my main ones would be writing, reading, gaming, obsessively researching and then yapping about my special interests, and baking! i also do some crafty stuff when the mood strikes (i’m not really very good at it, but that’s chill, because it’s just for fun) and i’m not sure if it counts as a hobby but i love going on the trampoline!

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?: i have my dog who is simultaneously the reason i get up in the mornings and the reason i don’t want to get up in the mornings, and also a crested gecko who mostly just vibes doing her own thing.

HOW TALL ARE YOU?: 5’7”/1.70m

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?: this changed so drastically over the years! when i was younger it tended towards history, then when i started secondary school i still loved history but classics became my main area of interest, but after i decided i didn’t want to pursue a career in that field i cast about a little bit and realised that while i hated, like, plant biology and chemical reactions, i was really into specific aspects of science and that’s what i’m studying at uni now!

DREAM JOB?: forensic anthropologist, i’m undertaking my master’s in this and i really hope i get to have a career in this one day, it’s my life’s ambition.

Tagging (i barely talk to anyone on here lmao so it's definitely going to be fewer than 15! also there's with no pressure): @stressedanime @royalthorned @a-good-sandwich @toy-soldiering @claudiadiary

[topazadine]

Writerly Questionnaire

Thanks to @the-golden-comet for the tag! I enjoyed reading your answers, especially the part about your characters!

Alright, here goes.

About Me

When did you first start writing?

I wrote my first story at age 7, started my first book at age 12 (no you can't read it, it's terrible) and published my first poem at age 15.

Are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

Despite writing fantasy, I actually don't read much of it myself. My undergrad career focused most on British literature (specializing in Victorian lit) so that's what I'm most familiar with and what I like the most.

Is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you’re often compared?

I don't really seek to emulate anyone because I have my own unique voice, and I don't really get compared to anyone else either. If you have suggestions of what I might sound like, fire away lmao, because I don't really know who I emulate. However, I take a lot of inspiration from Willa Cather for atmosphere and Emile Zola for realism.

Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (Room, coffee shop, desk, etc.)

I exclusively write at my desk. My setup looks like this:

I need my little guys and my Emotional Support Stuffed Cow (her name is Bluebell the Moobell because she has a little bell in her). Note the knitting I'm procrastinating on at the bottom right lmao.

What’s your most effective way to muster up some muse?

Funnily enough, I often get inspiration from my day job as an SEO writer, even though it has absolutely nothing to do with the types of stuff I write. Sometimes I'll just be hammering away at a Construction Accident Personal Injury Lawyer page and it strikes me that I need to kill one of my characters.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

Sort of. I have this thing I do where I like to mentally walk through buildings I used to visit as a relaxation activity, like my childhood elementary school, so that's given me a good memory of how places are laid out. As for actual settings? No, most of those are just made up of pictures I've seen of different places that I've never visited.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

Some of my recurring themes include: Degradation/transformation of memory Struggling against fate/the unknowability of fate Found family Abusive relationships Moral relativism Satisficing (choosing between multiple suboptimal outcomes to pick the least harmful option) None of them surprise me; I recognize where they come from. For example, my obsession with the degradation and transformation of memory comes from my own struggles with dissociative amnesia, and my interest in satisficing comes from my International Relations degree. My concerns about the unknowability of fate come from the fact that I had a premonition that I'd die of a heart attack at 42. And I'm 32 right now. You can imagine that this influences my process lmao.

My Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character? (Current WIP, past WIP, never used, etc.)

As a lesbian, I am not ashamed to say that I am deeply and passionately horny for Uileac (who you can meet in "Cachaille" or read about in 9 Years Yearning). Like how can you not go crazy for a man who thinks this is the perfect declaration of love?

He's so scary and so devoted, yet also very chill and laid-back? And funny? And athletic? And protective of his lil sis? He's just ... (screams into pillow)

Which of your characters do you think you’d be friends with in real life?

Ono. He's a Sinan royal guard who is just so sweet but also kinda dumb.

There's a scene where he has to ask Cerie what kind of menstrual products she needs for their trip, which is both mortifying and really adorable. He's just a really gentle and nice guy who I think would get along with damn near everyone.

Which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

I think Mordrek would scare the absolute shit out of me ngl. Like ... bro just ... does this kind of shit on the regular

Tell me about the process of coming up with of one, all, or any of your characters.

Uileac, Orrinir, and Ono were heavily inspired by Uguisumaru, Ookanehira, and Omokage from Touken Ranbu and I don't apologize for that. Obviously they are a bit different, but their personalities are quite similar. Cerie was developed from a roleplay where I was playing as Uguisumaru's made-up sister, so that's why she's Uileac's sister in Poesyverse. Haniya, Cerie's love interest, was made up by using personality testing and astrology to come up with Cerie's Perfect Match. No one knows where Mordrek came from. He just kinda showed up.

Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

They all have daddy issues. Every single fucking one of them.

How do you picture them? (As real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc.)

All the art I have for my characters was made with AI before I realized AI was absolute garbage shit, so I'm not showing it, but I did commission a painting of Cerie from the amazing artist Caleb over on Twitter:

My Writing

What’s your reason for writing?

For me, that's kind of like asking why a bird sings. It's just what I do and what I have always done.

Is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

Definitely when someone says that my writing helped them or resonated with them. My writing gives me catharsis and it feels really good when other people say they got that same sense of catharsis.

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work? (For example: as a literary genius, or as a writer who “gets” the human condition; as a talented worldbuilder, as a role model, etc.)

As someone who takes risks that pay off.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Depicting trauma without being melodramatic.

What have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

People have told me they like how meticulous and carefully set up my stories are without infodumping or being boring. They appreciate the work that goes into planning things, how it all pays off in the end and comes together nicely without plot holes.

How do you feel about your own writing? (Answer in whatever way you interpret this question.)

I think I've come a long way and continue to improve, which is what is most important.

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

The last Kauaʻi ʻōʻō still sang until the end. So yes.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? If it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

I write whatever the hell I feel like when I feel like it. People tend to like it, but if they don't, I enjoyed making it anyway.

Open tag!

[moonloose]

10 Random Facts About Me

Thank you for tagging me @skaterboisims !! <3

1. I absolutely love reading and writing. My family used to joke how I'd buy a new book and finish it on the same day when I was younger and really didn't have much to do with life.

2. I used to be a wattpad fanfic writer LMAO ;-; I wrote some embarrassing shit but people seemed to like it. My most-known fanfic was about EXO (K-Pop group) and guardian angel themed; it had around 60 chapters, if I'm not mistaken;;;;

3. I have a mug collection, it's pretty much an addiction

4. It's been 5 years since I decided to give life another chance

5. I'm officially cured from depression!!

6. I'm a singer; my favorite genre is R&B and Ballad but the group I'm part of mostly releases Pop related songs (which is fine too, I'm okay with anything hihihi)

7. I struggle with stage fright and social anxiety - which kinda sucks cause I'm supposed to perform in front of people LMAO; I'm slowly getting over it though

8. I'm the oldest sister and my little brother is the reason why I'm always trying to become a better and more reliable person

9. I gave up on my HR degree cause I was scared I'd have to fire someone one day LOL

10. I'm not afraid of being honest when it comes to talking about love/romance/physical intimacy experiences and I don't really understand why some people feel the need to lie about what they have or haven't done just to fit in. Be yourself, it's okay if you've never kissed anyone or if you don't ever want to. Who cares?

Tagging: @cloudellesims @glittermutt @anyonewhowantsto

[lastlight-inn]

Writing Interview Tag Game!

Thanks for the tag @pouroverpaloma!

When did you start writing?

I’ve always been a highly creative person, visual art my usual and longest-standing vice, but writing I’ve always been interested in. At 15 years old I tried to write a book (didn’t finish it). I forget what the word count was but it was a high fantasy Percy Jackson-esque. I tried working on the worldbuilding for a book in college and afterwards but nothing concretely got…written. Not plot just worldbuilding lmao. That project has since turned into my D&D homebrew world that I have yet to subject to any players. 

I’ve done some short creative writing here and there, a spoken word-style poem a few years ago and I took part in Escapril 2020. Otherwise, I have not been writing creatively in quite some time. I majored in engineering in college so there weren’t a lot of opportunities for me to stretch those creative muscles. The writing I’ve done for my GalexTav fics are my first big dive into writing since high school. 

I would journal as a therapeutic device but I’m only ever to keep up with it when I’m in crisis as it’s very effective at emptying my brain but it’s not necessarily good writing, it’s often train of thought and very emotional.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I read mainly fantasy and I write fantasy so there isn’t a lot of difference there. Maybe when I start branching out with my writing I’ll have an actual answer but for now, no!

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I haven’t had anyone compare my work but there’s lots of little things I see in the fic authors I read that I certainly feel strongly about but have yet to attempt to emulate. I want to be funny like goldenhearts (@yourworsttotebag). I want to go to poetry land like i88 (ao3). I wish I could figure out how to write 10K plus chapters every chapter like @linnetagain. I see so many little things in everything that I read that makes me want to try and be better.

I’m also still trying to figure out my own style. It’s been so long since I’ve tried to write anything longform that I am still exploring what my voice even sounds like. Even the first few chapters for you’re at the top of my lungs I wrote just a few months ago I cringe at when I read now. I’m in a high growth stage at the moment and I feel like I haven’t really settled into anything yet. But I’m in the midst of it and maybe if any of you who’ve read my fics notice anything please tell me lol I would appreciate the insight.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I have a few lmao. So I’m currently at work (if you’re my bosses, this is a joke I’m not at work rn) where I have two screens and as of today a fancy new click clack keyboard. Job-provided desk chair that’s okay and surrounded by work-related things. 

My office at home is much cozier. I have a blanket on my lap and around my shoulders, at least two drinks within arm’s reach (usually a water and an Olipop) and a fresh bag of Nutella biscuits waiting to be devoured. I also have a click clack keyboard there and I’ll put on my big gaming headphones to blast music as I write. 

I don’t like writing on my phone. If I do, it’s to quickly get down a rough idea while it’s still in my head but I can't do it for a long period of time as typing longform on my phone like that stresses me out. (Those who write entire fics in their notes app, I salute you.)

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Reading other fics! Anything that gets me thinking of new ways to put the pookies into new situations. Great example is @yourworsttotebag (goldenhearts on AO3) just started posting a Parallel Universe fic where the Gales from two different universes get swapped. It got me thinking of how that would work with Gale and my Tav, and how that would go if my Tav was the one who got swapped. I’m not going to write this fic, but it’s fun to think about! It gets me thinking outside of my usual settings and it helps me think of situations and conversations that might end up applying to what I’m actually writing. 

I'm also constantly listening to music and while I'm horrible at being able to hear lyrics and therefore have a hard time linking song meaning to a scene or plot point, the flow and energy of a song can give me ideas just by themselves.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I don’t think I’ve written enough variety to have developed anything. I actually went back and skimmed through my writing, posted or otherwise, with this lens to try and identify anything but other than the usual stuff you’d expect out of a Galefic I’ve got nothing.

What is your reason for writing?

Brain got too full of my Tav and Gale and I needed to drain it lmao. Now it’s just a constant flood. I’m also just enjoying it! I mention earlier that I’m usually a visual artist but the art block and imposter syndrome has been very bad. Writing fic has been freeing and has allowed me to create freely without judgment. (Or, well, the minimum amount of judgment required to even post something lmao).

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Any, really. But especially if a commenter calls something out in a chapter they particularly enjoyed or related to that really gets me going. I’ll scream at any comment someone leaves even if it’s a “chapter kudos” or whatever. Seeing Hit # going up is gratifying in that I know that people are here and reading it but a comment really solidifies that a real person is here and enjoying it. Never be too scared to leave a comment. If I feel anything in any fic I read I try to comment because I know how much it makes my day as an author so I try to be that person for authors as well. 

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I hope they’re enjoying what I’m reading! I hope that the readers that are subscribed to me and my fics get just as excited when they see an AO3 email about one of my fics come through like it does when my faves update. That’s the dream.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I like my action and combat scenes, but I rarely write them. I have posted one I think and I have one in a WIP that won’t be posted until the whole thing’s done. But that unposted WIP chapter and then Chapter 4 of you’re at the top of my lungs are some of my favorite things I’ve written.

A lot of these questions have made me realize how little feedback I get as a writer and maybe I need to find a writing group or something. 

How do you feel about your own writing?

I honestly feel like it’s awkward and stilted. I find I have to try hard to make it all flow. I think that’s the years of having to write engineering reports coming through, being straight and to the point and all that. I usually feel like my writing is good and I am able to get across whatever point I’m trying to make but I would love to be more flowery and go to poetry land more often. I want to get across big feelings and big ideas and have it feel visceral and not like I’m just throwing words on a page.

Tagging @waterdeep-weavemoss, @dr-demi-bee, and @crimson-and-lavender

[joanna-lannister]

i was tagged by @damadisangue thank you so much for the tag bestie ❤️✨

When did you start writing?

I started writing back when I was a child (original stories and in my journals), but my first fanfic was written when I was around 11-12? I'm not sure precisely, but I know I was around those ages and I had no idea fanfictions were a thing. I found out way later fanfictions existed and that some people had the same brainrot as me lmao.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

God, I love Thriller and Horror, but I don't think I'm capable of writing those kind of genres.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Gillian Flynn! I just love her writing style, how sharp and incisive it is. Also, Anaïs Nin. I haven't read her works yet, but I have seen way too many quotes around here, and I love what she was trying convey with her writing. And of course, I love Jeffrey Eugenides' writing style too (tho I haven't read The Marriage Plot yet, so I could be disappointed).

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

My tiny kitchen 😂😭 I sit on my chair with my phone (I know this is terrible, but I can't write on my laptop) near the open window, and I just write what's going on in my mind. Also, cigarettes. I need my cigarettes with me to and to smoke to focus on what I'm writing. A bad habit, I know, but everyone has their own vices, I guess?

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Honestly, anything. Can be a song, a movie or a TV show, a book or a picture.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Yes, childbirth and pregnancy are two of the main themes I love to explore because they touch me personally, so it comes as no surprise. Also, sibling incest between brother and sister obviously, and I love writing Jaime and Cersei being married which is kinda funny because I guess marriage is not for me? But yes, I love giving them that, what they couldn't have in canon.

What is your reason for writing?

Oooof, because I have too many ideas? And I like to explore the "What if?" that create endless possibilities. I also need to put my blorbos in situation lmao.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Oh, I never thought about that question before. I would say as someone welcoming? Maybe charming and warm, who tries her best to feed her fandom?

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I think I have the ability to create a cozy and heart-warming atmosphere. At least, that's what people compliment me about.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Uh, I hate it most of the time 😔 Sometimes, I'm impressing myself, like "Wow, I really wrote that!", but most of the time I hate my writing style (tho I've gained confidence over the years, someone claps). I wish it could be more poetic and less dull.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

For myself first and foremost, because as I said, I have too many ideas, and I need to put Jaime and Cersei in situations, but each comment fills me with joy. To know someone enjoyed what I had in my mind, and took the time to read it and leave a comment? There's no better feeling, but I don't think I'm influenced by what people wants to read (or otherwise I would write for a more popular ship LOL).

tagging: @musical-chick-13 @bellamyblakru @nepobabyeurydice and anyone else who wants to do it.

[neopuppy]

What made u want to write

I wanted to read alpha Jeno fics lmao

walk with me here, it was 2020 and we went into lockdown in March. I was lucky to be one of the people who got to stay home during this time and after getting back into exercising, knitting, whipped coffee fails, animal crossing, making tiktoks, coloring, and watching endless hours of nct dream content I was like RIGHT…..NOW WHAT SHALL I DO🤔

and I already read a lot of m/m abo on ao3, so a light bulb went off in my head one day- AHHHHH! I BET THERE ARE SOOOOO MANY GOOD NCT ABO FICS. there was not! I saw like a maybe 1 or 2 on here and they weren’t for Jeno so I never read them. I ended up in his smut tag and was SHOCKED, like wow this is garbagé!!!!!!!!

as someone used to the PREMIUM QUALITY abo, hybrid, dead dove: dne, etc genres that I’ve been fortunate enough to read on ao3 at that point for a few years I had high expectations and none of them were met. y/n fic was truly in hell from what I could see……

I think I actually ended up on tumblr bc one of my friends told me she posted a fic out of boredom and I was like wow?!? U did?!? and it got me thinking like huh…..*I* could do that too🥴 I went back and forth with myself abt it for a good while too bc I don’t write anything outside of my tumblr accounts, but I gave it a shot and it was an awful experience just to write. idk I felt the cringe I think a lot of people feel when they read y/n fics maybe? or smut in general. I was very ‘ick’ abt writing at first, did not get comfortable with it until maybe a year later.

the only fanfic I’d ever written in my life was when I was like 10 years old abt 2 wwe wrestlers HOLDING HANDS…. and people were rly nice abt it but all “I wish they had kissed!”, yeah I was a child who had no buisness writing fanfics lmao.

I was like once we get out of this lockdown thing I’ll be done, but here I am….still writing🤔 and now I do enjoy writing, like a lot. I love coming up with ideas and receiving reactions to my fics so……ah. I never considered I could write maybe a book someday, but ykw anythings possible.

when I say if you want to read something you need to write it yourself- I am literally speaking from experience. I could not find what I wanted to read, so I wrote my own, now here we are🧍🏻‍♀️

[kalmiaphlox]

✨Writing Interview Tag Game✨

Thank you @pinkberrytea and @preciouslittlebhaalbae for the tags 💕

When did you start writing?

I would write creatively throughout middle school and that was it for the most part. For my first long fic that was planned out and kept up with to completion, I started writing in December 2023 and never stopped. It was like a dam had been broken!

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I am a horror lover. Movies, books, art, etc I love all horror. I would love to be able to write a horror story, but the things I make up in my mind don't feel all that scary/spooky so I don't think I could translate it well.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I don't think so? I just write the way I want to read. I don't think its anything special, my writing is just word vomit that I feel happy with.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I kinda just write wherever when the mood strikes. Currently I am sitting on my couch with Northernlion playing Slay the Spire on youtube, I like background noise of any kind, doesn't even have to be music. I write on my phone a lot (a regrettable choice) because I like to write anywhere like work or the store if I need to jot something down.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Lots of daydreaming and driving in the car gives me my best ideas (I think), not sure why it gets my brain going, but it just does. I have also been inspired by art and I put credit for those works in my chapters when they do inspire something.

Sometimes reading fics would also get ideas flowing because it makes me want to write again (I'm not taking ideas from other fics), but I have barely been reading recently.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Maybe for my main fic? I think something that comes up a lot is not letting the past control your future for a lot of my characters. Also realizing family can be anyone, as long as you let them.

What is your reason for writing?

Mostly just for fun. I felt like I had a good story to tell so I wrote it down, regardless of whether other people like it or not. At the end of the day, this is for me.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

I like all my comments in general and I go back and reread them occasionally 💕 Some that really stick with me are the ones where people make suggestions or even question things. There have been comments that made me change entire outcomes because someone left a comment that made me rethink how a character was acting or how an event unfolds.

Also anytime anyone says they have reread my fic just blows me away. It's such an honor but I also want to ask "Why?" because that shit is long and so freaking messy lol

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I don't know, I'm just a person. I hope my readers think they can ask me any questions about anything and that them just taking time out of their day to read my word vomit is so cool and I love every single one of those goobers. Readers are the best. Everyone likes to say they only do it for themselves, but any engagement really keeps us writers going.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Maybe dialogue and humor. It's hard to say honestly.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I waffle between thinking I write some good shit and then also hating every single thing and how on earth do people read my garbage lmao.

I know I don't use proper sentence structure and grammar, but if I start following all those rules, it won't be fun for me anymore.

I am not very descriptive in my writing specifically because my brain likes to fill in the blanks with limited descriptions. I have things look certain ways in my head, but I like to leave a lot of it up to internal interpretation for other people. I also skim a lot when descriptions get too long while I'm reading so I just try to write the way I want to read something. It's probably boring but at this point, I really don't care, I aint changing.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

Purely for myself. My first fic, I had over 100k words already written before I even thought about posting it for others. I may or may not be working on a sequel to my fic, but who knows if I'll ever post it lol

I hope this is all understandable. I am extremely hungover 😅

tagging my writer pals if you would like to answer any of these! @teamdilf, @busy-baker, @spagyricqueen, @dabbles-in-drabbles, @ofsilentthings

[inseasofgreen]

Writeblr Interview

Thank you both to @leahnardo-da-veggie and @drchenquill for the tag!

Short stories, novels or poems?

Novels! all the way

What genre do you prefer reading?

Fantasy, both dark and romantasy. even better if they're combined

What genre do you prefer writing?

Fantasy! I tend to struggle writing anything but fantasy.

Are you a planner or a write-as-i-go kind of person?

I like to start with a plan and some ideas, then let the characters take the reins and throw it all out the door

What music do you listen to while writing the story?

I have a playlist with cinematic soundtracks that I tend to listen too. Though I do often listen to the GOT and HOTD soundtracks. Daenerys' aaaHHHH AHHHH's actually are the source of a lot of Zemorri's most badass scenes.

Fav books/movies

I've been trying to get more into reading so lately it's been ASOIAF and the Witcher - two of which inspired the creation of Nyrus and POTO. I have a long TBR but I like to buy books before I read them, which is hard right now with money being a bit tight the next month or so.

Any Current WIPs?

2! Well, more like 3 if you include the second Plight of the Dragon, the sequel to POTO. We have Plight of the Oracle, which I pretty much have dedicated my blog too. Plight of the Dragon, which is more like one shots and random braindumps of what happens after the first book. Then Familia Ante Omnia, trilogy set in modern day NYC and is about the downfall of the crime ring from inside. Which I actually see a lot of it's themes in POTO. But that's on a hiatus for the foreseeable future.

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you, what would your standard outfit be?

An oversized orangey flannel, black crop top, and either leggings or shorts depending on the weather. Throw in a black beanie for good measure too

Create a character description of yourself

oof okay here we go

She was a short, adorable little thing. She sat fidgeting with a ring on her left ring finger, too timid to make her presence known. Her dark brown hair, cropped at her shoulders was tucked behind her ears. A few strands that had once been a fringe fell, cascading over her grey eyes. The roseness of her cheeks a striking contrast to the porcelain like skin. She looks up at someone giving a slightly crooked smile before getting up from her seat.

was literally me a few minutes ago rereading was I wrote when my fiance came up and wanted to go up to bed lmao

Do you like incorporating people you actually know into your writing?

oof no, hard pass. fictional people tend to be more interesting anyway

Are you kill-happy with the characters?

I tend to be? I have a rule with killing off characters, a few actually. It ends their arc nicely, it serves an actual purpose and isn't for shock value, and they under no circumstance can come back alive. I absolutely h a t e when death is cheapened. Don't introduce stakes that high only to make them pointless.

Coffee or Tea while writing?

diet coke or water!

Slow or Fast writer?

both? I don't know what is considered fast I guess. If i'm really feeling it and don't have distractions I can get about 1k an hour and keep that up for a few hours. Then there's days like today I'm surrounded by distractions and not feeling it too much, right now I'm at 1,500 for the 4 hours i've written

Where/who/what do you find inspiration from?

Shows and books! Also games. Funny enough Zemorri came from a skyrim oc and Sciosa came from DnD campaign that never happened. They've both undergone a lot of changes since then though.

If you were put into a fantasy world, what would you be?

I answered a similar question a few times and I think I'd really be a dragon. I'm a hoarder of my little trinkets and love to stir the pot a bit.

Most fave book cliche?

Chosen one and mentor. WIth a spin. Do not give me another old ratty wizard and some a elijah wood/daniel radcliff look alike. PLEASE. Using this to promo POTO which has chosen one and mentor- mentor: hot scary milf chosen one: anger riddled brat who really isn't keen on playing by the book. boom there. not that hard.

got kinda heated there. apologies

Least fave book cliche?

"Only one bed" I'm sorry!! It's just over done at this point

Fave scenes to write?

Any scene with dragons. They're the most fun to write honestly.

Most productive time of day for writing?

Night! I literally typed that as nite send help I've always been a night owl haha. It's actually almost 4 am as I type this

Reason for writing?

Writing has always been an interest of mine. I would love one day to be able to support my family with it! Whether that's as an indie author or traditional author. Also I fear I would go crazy with how many stories and plot lines I got up in my head. That or my oc's would manifest irl and nuke me right there with their dragons.

Leaving this an open tag!

My brain is clocking out and I can't even think of who to tag at this point. So if you're reading this and want to be tagged congrats!! Consider yourself tagged