#what sort of pushover are you. really

[datastate]

in light of new changes: do not give tumblr your money if you disapprove of what they are doing to this site, this encourages them to continue implementing changes at the expense of their userbase. use the feedback feature on /support to submit complaints, as attempting to mention staff/humans/any personal blogs from there may be falsely flagged as harassment (lest we forget partyjockers) & tank their ratings on apps stores with your same complaints over the new features they are implementing. please, feel free to bring up their insensitivity to disabled people regarding visual overload or epilepsy; tumblr live making it a dangerous place for american individuals, especially kids, as it shares their location and there is no permanent way to turn it off; instances of transphobic or racist harassment that has gone unmoderated despite reports; or of the fascist problem they have on here, which they do not censor in the least. they have the ability to make tags unsearchable and completely erase posts, yet never apply it to these violent groups. there is so much they could be doing, which the majority of the userbase has requested they work on, yet they refuse to. make your complaining productive and share it where it'll actually be heard.

[caramelcal]

you'll always be my girl - t. nott

summary: theodore nott was your brother's best friend, and had been the boy of your dreams since you first lay eyes on him. everyone knew that. so it's a surprise when you suddenly get a boyfriend, and theodore is determined to show you why he's the better choice. always has been and always will be.

warnings: all characters are of age. smut, cheating. all that fun stuff. theo is reader's brother's best friend. reader pined for YEARS but it faded away when she got with her boyfriend. she's a bit of a pushover. virgin!reader. dom!theo. sub!reader. modern au. lots of swearing. arguing. praise kink. overstimulation. dirty talk.

note: this prob isn't great, i don't write smut often idk

"Mate move! Move! He's behind that wall." Theodore shouted, adrenaline coursing through his veins as he tapped the keys on his controller trying to be revived faster.

"Fuck! I can't find him," Lorenzo had replied, a similar tone to Theodore's as their eyes were both glued to the screen in front of them.

It was only the two of them at Lorenzo's tonight, something that wasn't overly uncommon for the two of them to do. Despite being close with the rest of their group, Theodore and Lorenzo spent the most time together just the two of them. Theodore practically lived at the Berkshire's house half the time nowadays, finding it much warmer than his own.

Honestly, it was more shocking if he wasn't at the Berkshires.

"Over there! Shit!" Lorenzo cursed, the loud, violent tapping of buttons ensuing at a more alarming rate from the two of them.

"Where's his-"

"Theo! Theo! The-" A red alert came over the screen, letting the two boys know that they had lost the game. They both put their controllers down, Lorenzo using the palms of his hands to rub his eyes in frustration, and Theodore throwing his head back with a groan.

"We really ought to get better at this mode, or we need to just stick to doubles," Theodore said, looking over at his friend who chuckled with a nod.

Mr and Mrs Berkshire were both out for the night, away on holiday, or business or whatever, Lorenzo didn't tell Theodore all the details. Theodore didn't particularly care anyway, it didn't make a big difference to him.

Lorenzo's parents were lovely to him, always greeting him pleasantly, always happy to see him, and telling him he was welcome at any time. They had even unofficially allocated one of the spare bedrooms in their house to Theo, who was eternally grateful for the escape it gave him.

"Enzo, I'm home!" Theo's attention was directed towards the door, where he heard someone kicking off their shoes by the door before walking towards the living room.

Y/n Berkshire. Lorenzo's younger sister. He was honestly surprised he hadn't noticed earlier that you weren't there. Even though you normally tucked yourself in the small library in the house, he had been here for hours and hadn't heard a peep from you.

Sure, you were normally quiet, but normally you at least said hello.

While growing up with Lorenzo, Y/n was never normally far behind. You had adored your brother when you were younger, and even as you both got older you remained close. Theodore on the other hand, had elicited a different sort of adoration from the younger girl. One that brought a blush to your face every time he spoke to you, or even looked in your direction.

It had been that way for years, and honestly, Theodore couldn't remember a time when you had been able to look him in the eye for longer than five seconds before getting too shy and looking away.

Footsteps echoed towards the living room, and the second you came into view, Theodore's eyebrows furrowed. Your body was covered in a silk dress, your hair styled perfectly and makeup on your face. You looked fancy, and Theodore could not imagine what you possibly could have been doing to require such an appearance.

There certainly weren't any parties on, if there had been, Lorenzo and Theodore would have been the first ones to know.

"How was your date?" Lorenzo didn't even look back at his sister as you sat down on the other couch, a sigh of relief as you sunk back into the comfortable material.

A date? The question had Theodore baffled. You had been on a date? With who? It certainly made the appearance seem more logical, you looked pretty. You had made that effort for a boy.

"It was good," You nodded your head, not looking over at your brother either as you grabbed the book that sat on the coffee table, flipping it open to the page you had dogeared earlier on that day so you could continue reading.

"You were on a date? With who?" Theodore asked.

"Oh, hi Teddy," You looked up from your book, sending a small smile to your brother's best friend, only just noticing him, "Adrian Pucey, he's in your year."

Teddy. The name you had called him since you started to talk. Everyone had called him Teddy when he was growing up, including Enzo, his parents and yours, but you were the only one that didn't grow out of it.

"It's Theo, y/n/n," Lorenzo had corrected you, as he always did, knowing how much Theodore despised the nickname now that he was older. What he'd never tell your brother though, was that he didn't mind it when you did it. It felt natural coming from your lips. He couldn't ever imagine you calling him Theo, or, god forbid, Theodore.

"Yeah, sorry," You mumbled, picking at the edge of your dress as you looked down at your lap, the book held in your other hand, a finger on the page you stopped reading on so you could keep your place now that you had straightened out the fold.

"Why are you going on a date with Adrian Pucey, he's…"

Theodore wasn't sure what to call him. Annoying? Arrogant? Not good enough for you?

"My boyfriend?"

"Your boyfriend?" Theodore echoed, his eyes almost bulging out of his head and jaw almost falling onto the floor. His tone was incredulous as if you having a boyfriend was completely out of the question.

"Well, that's new," Lorenzo murmured under his breath, not loud enough for you to hear, but loud enough for Theodore.

His tone let Theodore know that he, too, was not too happy about the arrangement. Adrian wasn't 'boyfriend material' and certainly not good enough for you. He was sleazy, and an average quidditch player at best.

"Yeah, is it so unbelievable that I could get a boyfriend?" Your tone -despite your word choice seeming a little sassy- was soft. Your eyes battered between the two boys, eyebrows furrowed as you sat forward.

Silence ensued between the three of you, your eyes still battering between the two boys, both of which didn't know what to say. It wasn't surprising that you could get a boyfriend, but your choice was certainly questionable. Frankly, they were too astonished to speak.

While Lorenzo had known you were spending more time with Adrian, he was hoping that it would fizzle away before labels got attached. He barely gave it any thought, thinking you wouldn't take a boy like Pucey so seriously. Oh, how he was wrong.

"I'm gonna head upstairs," You said quietly, sulking off the couch and quietly walking away, feeling a little ashamed that they seemed so surprised that you had managed to get your first boyfriend.

Theodore's eyes followed you, staying stuck to where you disappeared upstairs as Lorenzo broke the silence, breathing out some air, "Never expected that. Well, at least we know she's not pining over you anymore."

"Yeah, I guess."

…

It was less than a week later when Theodore was heading to quidditch practice, his bag slung over his shoulder, broom in his hand. He ruffled his hair with his free hand, breathing out some air as he prepared himself for what he could guess was going to be a pretty gruelling practice.

Granted, he could give himself some leeway, being the captain and all, but that didn't set a good example. They had a big game coming up in a few days and they needed to do well. There was little space for error, and Theo would make sure everyone was ready.

Hearing faint talking as he walked up to the locker room was odd, considering he was normally the first or second one there. He must've been running a few minutes late.

"-how you managed it, mate, I mean, between her being Berkshire's untouchable little sister and everyone thinking she liked Nott, you can understand why everyone's a bit surprised."

Theodore's hand halted its movement, not pushing the door open just yet as he listened in. They were talking about you.

"She just needed to know who the better boy was, didn't she?" He heard a muffled Pucey reply, "I certainly showed her."

The familiar feeling of anger began to bubble in Theodore's chest as he registered the words that came out of Pucey's words, and the laughter that followed them. Walking in, his hardened blue eyes immediately caught onto Pucey's, a silent warning.

Yet, all the smug cunt did in reply was smirk. That certainly didn't help the feeling of red, hot, anger that exploded in Theo's chest. Quidditch practice was going to be hell for him, Theo would make sure.

"Wait up!" An hour and a half later, the anger still hadn't faded from Theodore's system. His shoulders were uptight, his hand holding onto his broom with a deathly amount of force. It was a surprise the wood hadn't snapped yet.

Your light footsteps struggled to catch up with the thundering pace that Theodore kept. His eyes cast over to you beside him as you finally caught up, his hair still wet from his shower after quidditch practice.

"Can I talk to you?" You asked, looking at Theodore awkwardly. You never normally felt awkward around him, but from the way he was looking right now, you could tell he was mad, but that didn't mean you could let what happened slide.

"Mhm," He hummed in response, his eyes staying straight forward as he waited for you to speak.

"So Adrian was speaking to me and he said that you were going extra hard on him at practice. I understand that you and my brother aren't happy that we're dating but-"

"You came here to stick up for your little boyfriend?" Suddenly, Theodore had stopped walking, turning around so he was facing you. His eyes stared into yours, the anger in his voice rising.

He towered over you, making you crane your neck up to look at him, a drip of water from his wet hair falling onto your forehead. You cleared your throat lightly, not used to Theodore being in such a mood. Even if he was annoyed, he didn't normally talk to you like that.

"I- uh, yeah, kind of. I just don't think it's fair that you're punishing him. It was my choice to date him, he didn't make me."

"Listen, y/n/n, if Pucey had a problem with me, then he can come to talk to me, not send his girlfriend to sort out his issues like a fucking pussy," Theodore spat out Adrian's name like it was a disease on his tongue, his jaw clenching at the mere thought of you taking Pucey's side over his.

If you had any sense, you'd know to mind your own business. You had grown up with Theodore, you had known him for your whole life. Adrian had been your boyfriend for all of a few weeks and you were already choosing him over Theo? That was what wasn't fair, not a few more laps at training.

He saw the frown that made its way onto your face, and if he wasn't so angry at you and Adrian, then he would've crumbled. He knew you were sensitive, much more than most people, and the last thing he wanted to do normally was make you upset. Yet, if you wanted comfort then you could go to Adrian, especially after you tried to stick up for him.

Turning on his heels, Theodore began to walk away again, but it seemed you were a little more determined than normal.

"Come on Theo, you know it's not fair!"

That just about tips him over the edge. This was so unlike you, and it was all because of Adrian. You always went by what Lorenzo and Theodore said, but today you chose to stand up to Theo. You chose Adrian over Theodore and refused to let it go and now you were calling him Theo?

You had been reprimanded for over a year about still using the nickname, and a few weeks into having a boyfriend you suddenly dropped the name of endearment? That was enough.

"What was that?" Theodore stopped in his tracks the second the words had come out of your mouth, barely managing to get the words out between his gritted teeth. He looked over his shoulder at you, watching as you crossed your arms over your chest.

"You know it's unfair."

"You have no idea what's unfair, y/n."

"I know making Adri do double the number of laps as everyone else is unfair! I know knocking into him with double the power as everyone else is unfair, Theo! You're his captain, you need to be fair!"

"Stop that." His tone was reprimanding, like telling you off for doing something unspeakable. He didn't like this one bit, you talking back to him. It felt like something had been shifted and he wanted it all to go back to the way it was.

It was your turn to let out clipped, sarcastic words. Something you would have never dreamed of doing to him; the boy you had pined over for years. Yet, all you could see was an immature, childish boy, not the guy you had liked for as long as you could remember, "Stop what, Theodore?"

"Stop calling me that."

You knew exactly what he was getting at. You always had an inkling that he enjoyed the nickname you refused to drop, given that he, himself, never told you off for it. You also knew he didn't like change, and that the idea of him and Lorenzo not being your number-one priority anymore bugged him. He hated that you had a new boy in your life.

"What? Stop calling you your name?" You replied, raising an eyebrow at him as he clenched his jaw again, letting out a dark chuckle as he started to walk away.

"Just fuck off, y/n."

You didn't bother to follow him.

…

You and the girls were bustling about in your room, doing all sorts of things. Some were getting changed, some were doing their makeup and some, along with you, were doing their hair. It was a Halloween party that practically half of Hogwarts was going to, and luckily for you, the house was only a few minutes walk away from yours.

Lorenzo and his friends were getting ready too, but you had chosen to keep your girls in your room, completely separated from them. Frankly, it was too much tension, and drama, and you didn't want that to stomp on your excitement for the party.

"Hey, y/n, do you have any snacks? I'm starving," One of the girls piped up, stopping doing her makeup to look at you in the mirror. You nodded your head with a smile, telling her you'd be right back as you headed down to the kitchen.

There was noise coming from the tv as you walked by the living room, letting you know that some of Lorenzo's friends were probably in there, taking a mental note to avoid. You wished that he had gotten the vibe to keep his friends in his room, but your brother was clueless sometimes.

He even seemed to be clueless about the fact that you and Theodore had been ignoring one another for the last three weeks, acting as if the other didn't even exist. With your arms full of all types of snacks, you left the kitchen, making your way back up the stairs.

Your eyes are on the snacks in your hand, making sure that none of them are going to fall as you walk, only to be halted by something being in your way. You had walked into someone.

"Oh, sor-" You cut yourself off as you looked up, making eye contact with intense blue eyes staring down at you. You narrowed your eyes.

"Y/n," He had acknowledged you for the first time, but not being nearly happy about it, his mouth in a thin, straight line, and his voice apathetic.

You mirrored his tone and body language, "Theodore."

He remained looking down at you, your pretty eyes looked up at him in disdain, a constant reminder of how you guys had last interacted with one another. He was still slightly mad, more irritated than anything, about the situation, and it was clear you weren't over it either.

It was so unlike you, and he hated that. While he wanted you to stick up for yourself more regularly, he hated that it only seemed to be him that you were being resistant to. It frustrated him to no end, that your relationship after so many years had changed so much in the blink of an eye.

He missed the way you looked at him with your doe-like eyes, so hopeful and kind and soft. Now, they were narrowed, almost as if a threat for him to say something. He hated that it was like you were trying to test his patience.

His mouth opened slightly, just about to speak to you, only to not get the chance, your bedroom door opening, "Y/n, c'mon! I'm hungry!"

In an instant, your eyes are no longer looking at him, but down towards the snacks that lay in a disorganised bundle in your arms, brushing by the taller boy towards your room. You spare no attention towards him, not a word nor a glance, leaving him alone in the hallway as you continue getting ready in your room.

It doesn't feel too long after that when you are all ready, all of you bundling down the stairs ready to go to the party. You know all the boys are now in the living room, and you would have happily walked by without entertaining him, but you knew you couldn't.

"Enzo, can I have some of the money mum and dad left?" You say, coming into the room. The boys are all ready too, but you know they won't leave until the party had already started for forty-five minutes at least, too busy playing video games and not wanting to be around for the awkward start most parties have.

You adjust the wings that are on your back as you walk towards your brother, white boot heels hitting off the wooden floor, the girls falling shortly behind you.

Theodore's eyes flicker up to you casually, but when he catches sight of you his jaw almost falls off, the modest girl you are, with the shortest skirt on he's ever seen. If you turn around, he knows he's almost guaranteed to see the curve of your ass, driving his mind haywire.

You adjust your bright-coloured corset and wings once more. It's obvious that you're supposed to be a fairy, but Theodore knows you're no Tinkerbell. You're perhaps the sluttiest, most tempting fairy he's ever seen. His mind races.

Lorenzo scratched the back of his neck, "Kitchen."

You nodded your head, heading off to the kitchen as all the boys quiet down. Lorenzo looked down at his phone, as the girls all follow you out of the room, "Mate…"

"What?" Lorenzo replied as Theodore sat beside him, all the other boys engaging in small talk again.

"Are you letting your sister go wearing that? Surely you can't," Theodore's trying to keep calm, but his mind is practically begging Lorenzo to make you change. The thought of someone else seeing the curves of your naked thighs and the curve of your arse makes Theo want to die.

"Nah mate, it's not ideal, to be honest, but her mates are just…they call you all sorts and start screaming if you say anything," Lorenzo finally looked up at his best friend, and Theodore can tell that Lorenzo isn't very happy with the predicament either, "and y/n/n just doesn't listen anymore, so there's no point."

There was a point though, to Theodore anyway. He didn't care what your friends thought, or about this new attitude you had adopted since you started dating Adrian.

You're back in the living room soon enough, coming to say bye, but Theodore is quick to walk over to you, not looking very impressed. He speaks lowly, "You should go change."

"What? Why? Do I look bad?" You smooth down your skirt a little, looking up at him with your usual wide eyes, a crack in this new attitude you've been showing lately.

"No," He's quick to shut down any doubt you have about your appearance, "It's just a bit inappropriate."

"Oh, don't be a prude, Theodore," One of your friends overhears, piping up in your support.

"Go change," He paid little mind to your friends, looking down at your eyes and repeating his previous order.

"Girl, you look so hot, don't let him cramp your style," Another one of your friends joins in to support you, a hand on your shoulder as she began to steer you out, "now let's go before he has anything else to say."

The second he saw you being steered out the door and towards the party, he just knows that this night is going to be one of frustration.

His prediction was correct. Only an hour and a half later he was ready to get out of there, the strongest alcohol he could find in a glass with his hand wrapped around it. Purple strobe lights, people laughing, and loud music all seem to fade into the background as his eyes focus on you. He could tell Pucey was trying to rile him up, and it was working.

His hands have been all over your body: while dancing, while sitting down, just every second of this party, and Theodore loathed it. He hated that Pucey's dirty, sleazy hands were on your soft skin, exactly where they didn't belong.

He tried to ignore it, his eyes closing as he downed the rest of his drink, slamming it down on the table. He didn't know where any of his friends were, and honestly, didn't care. He didn't want to talk to anyone or be with anyone but you right now.

He hated that he was thinking about you like this. Lorenzo's baby sister. It was supposed to be the other way around, you were supposed to be the one obsessing over him, so why couldn't he get you out of his head? Why have you been the only thing consuming his thoughts for weeks?

"Hey there, love," A girl sat down beside Theodore, a thing he loved at parties normally. The attention was something that had him feeling smug, but he couldn't even bring himself to look at her. His eyes focused on you as he hears your giggle echo through the room as Pucey whispered something in your ear.

Nothing Pucey could say would ever be funny enough to elicit such a beautiful sound. It felt illegal that he was allowed to hear your laugh, never mind be the reason for it.

"You seem tense, Theo," The girl puts her lips slowly closer and closer to Theodore's neck, her voice quieter and slower as she teased her lips against his neck, lightly grazing it, "Let me help you."

The song that blasts through the speakers had Pucey pulling you up to dance, twirling you around in his arms until his hands thread through to hold your waist. You're facing away from Theodore, completely naive to the blue eyes that follow your every move.

Your boyfriend, on the other hand, couldn't have been happier to meet Theodore's cold gaze, a smirk coming to his lips as he looked down at you, then moving away slightly, only to bring a hand down on your arse.

That has Theodore on his feet immediately, hearing the yelp that you let out as he stormed towards Pucey, ripping him away from you and getting right in his face. He was taller than Adrian, towering over him too as he gets right up in his face, "Don't fucking lay a hand on her again!"

"Theo!"

"She's my girlfriend mate, I'll do what I want." Pucey only fuelled the fire of rage that burned in Theodore's chest. You seem frozen, unsure of what to do as you try and catch the attention of either boy, wanting this nightmare to end.

"Yeah, we'll fucking see about that," Before you could even react, Theodore's fist is making contact with Adrian's nose, and Adrian stumbled back for a few steps before his legs gave way underneath him and he was on the floor.

A gasp emitted from your throat in shock and horror, looking at Adrian as he groaned, holding his nose, red staining the skin. A hand grabbed your wrist, much softer than you had expected from the same fist that had just floored your boyfriend, and dragged you away.

"Theo-"

"We're going home, y/n."

The next thing you know is that you're at the front steps of your home, wanting to say something, anything. Yet, any time you took a breath of air before speaking, Theodore was sending you a look that had you shutting your mouth straight away. Something was daring in his eyes, something a lot more threatening than normal.

His grip gave you little opportunity to wriggle free, his other hand banging open the door, his foot harshly hitting it shut behind you before you are trailing after him up the stairs. He barely gave your feet any chance to keep up with him before you were in his room.

He only let go once you were in the middle of his room, the door shut behind you both. The room is dark, and you both are heaving out a breath. You can just about see Theodore's shoulders sag a little, his voice quieter as he spoke, "I don't like what the boy is doing to you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Dressing like this," He stepped towards you, his fingertips grabbing the edge of your skirt as he continued, "acting like a slut, that's not you baby, you're normally so good."

Your stomach is filled with butterflies as he looked down at your eyes, soft for the first time in weeks, "I am good, I-"

"You think tempting me like this is good, baby? Wearing this outfit and dancing with another man's hands all over your body," Your stomach flipped at the pet name once more, your heart feeling as if it's going to race out of your chest.

Your throat feels blocked up as you watch every slight move he takes, feeling as if this moment is surreal; as if you're dreaming. His voice turned soft as he spoke again, "Where'd my good girl go?"

His hand caressed the side of your face softly, the pad of his thumb swiping over your soft skin and guiding your somewhat messy hair away from your face so he can see you more clearly. You had dreamed of this moment for so long, hoping that one day Theodore would reciprocate your feelings.

The feeling of his hands on you was so euphoric that no amount of dreaming could have ever made you feel like this. This was real.

"I-" You couldn't speak, your brain feeling as if it was going to overload.

You knew this was wrong. Theodore was your brother's best friend, you had grown up with him. He was off limits. You had a boyfriend. So why couldn't you find it in yourself to pull away from his grasp?

You felt as if you were getting pulled closer to his body. The temptation is so bad that no amount of self-control could save you now. You were a goner, you had always been when it came to Theodore.

Since you had been young, you knew that you would do anything for him. Anything so that he could give you this sort of attention, and make you feel like a princess. Your rational thoughts and morals should be pulling you away, but your heart aches for him, it always has.

"You gonna show me how much of a good girl you can be, angel?" He asked, almost as if he was trying to aid you in finding your words. You could only nod your head.

Suddenly, the familiar scent of cologne and cigarette smoke overtook your senses, his lips crashing against yours in a soft, but desperate kiss. His hands reached around you to pick you up, your hands going into his soft hair, grabbing onto the strands with your fingers as you wrapped your legs around his waist.

Swiping his tongue across your lips, you opened your mouth, letting him deepen the kiss as he took steps towards the bed, lowering you down onto the bed. His lips are still connected to you, and you can feel your lungs begging for oxygen, but you don't want to pull away.

Theodore does first, his blue eyes meeting yours as you slowly manage to open your eyes, your lips parted as you breathe in, trying to fill your lungs with the oxygen they had been deprived of. You follow his eyes as he slowly kisses down your neck, then down the valley of your breasts, his hands pulling down the corset, and you're quick to aid him in pulling it off.

The feeling of his lips grazing over your stomach has you hitching in a breath, watching as his head slowly lowers down your body. Then, his head is nestled between your thighs, kissing the soft skin that isn't hidden by your skirt. The hair on his head tickles them, the skin so sensitive, so unused to being given this much attention feeling so good.

With a racing heart, you watch as Theodore pulled up slightly, wanting desperately for him to touch you where you needed him the most. You ached, a feeling in you that you had never experienced before. You knew that Theodore often evoked feelings in you that you never experienced with anyone else, but this was new.

"You sure about this, baby?" You nodded your head in immediate response, but that didn't please Theo. With a light swat to the inside of your thighs, he looked at your eyes with a slightly more serious expression, "Use your words."

"Yes," The word spilt from your lips breathily, "Please."

Theodore, with a satisfied smile, came up to your face, leaning over you and softly attaching your lips to his. It feels just as surreal as the first time, and it makes your heart race just the same.

With his mouth still attached to yours, you feel his fingers brush against the fabric of your panties, just over your clit, making you hitch a breath. His fingers move the light fabric to the side, his fingers teasing against your hole.

"So wet for me, baby," The praise isn't taken lightly by you, soaking up every inch of approval he gives you.

Slowly, he adds a second finger, his thumb pressing down on your clit as his fingers curl into you, making you let out a breathy moan into the kiss that he eagerly swallows.

Your back arches off of the mattress, and as good as it feels you need more. You need him, "Theo…"

The blue of his eyes meets your gaze as you whine. You can't help it, you're desperate for more, to feel him inside of you. To take care of you and this pressure you can feel building in your stomach.

You mumble something out, a feeble attempt at getting him to speed up the process without verbally admitting that you're desperate for him. He doesn't take the hint though, not that you ever expected him to. He was torturous, tempting you and teetering towards what you wanted, but keeping you on the edge.

"Please."

It's a whisper as you let out another moan, your fist clenching his hair in your hand, grabbing onto any part of him that you can keep from pulling away.

A ghost of a smirk came across his mouth as he raised an eyebrow, "Please what, baby?"

You could tell from the familiar look in his eyes that he knew exactly what you wanted, his fingers curling up once more as they stretched lightly, stretching you out. Your eyes screwed shut as you felt slight tears pricking at your eyes. It just felt so good.

"Please," A broken whisper escaped your lips once more as you let out another moan, his thumb roughly coming down on your clit as you tried to bring your hips up, feeling a knot form in your stomach. It was so unfamiliar and had you heaving for a breath as you grabbed fistfuls of Theo's sheets.

With a final thrust of his fingers and a pinch against your clit, you came undone with a strangled moan. Your face was tilted back, mouth open and eyes closed, your hips bucking up to chase your high. You looked unreal, and Theo couldn't get enough.

When he removed his hands from you, he was coated in your bliss, your eyes softly opening, half-lidded, looking as Theodore brought his fingers up to his lips, his tongue transferring the taste of you, sweet and blissful, into his mouth. Your cheeks were tainted red when you realised what he had done, shifting about on the mattress and casting your eyes down.

Yet, you don't get much of a chance when a strong hand reaches for under your jaw, pulling him back up to meet his eyes, "Don't go all shy on me now, angel."

He could see the slight fuzz in your eyes as you stare at him, and he loved it. He liked how, simply with his fingers, he already had you dazed. His hands were soon pulling down his trousers with ease, and lifting his shirt off with one hand, leaving him in only his boxers.

You could see the outline of his bulge, and it had you gulping. You didn't know how the hell you were going to be able to fit that. He was so much bigger than you had imagined, or expected.

"Don't worry baby, we'll take it slow," He was quick to reassure you, a smug smile on his lips as he brings his mouth down to your collarbone, lightly nipping the skin as he sucked. It was definitely going to leave a mark, but that's what he wanted. He wanted Pucey to see it the next time he saw you, trying to assert some dominance on the situation.

Once he pulled his boxers down, he was soon lining up his tip with your entrance, lightly brushing it against your walls. He couldn't help himself when he asked, "Has Adrian ever-"

He began, but you were quick to shake your head vigorously, giving him a sense of satisfaction. He watched as your eyes screwed shut, soft breaths falling from your lips as he asked, much softer, "Is this your first baby?"

Unwilling to admit it out loud, you hesitantly nod your head, confirming Theodore's suspicions. He only just managed to conceal his grunt of satisfaction at being the first one to see you this way. To be the one to ruin you.

"Don't worry," His head is just beside your ear, a hand coming to gently brush the hair away from your face so not a single change or twitch in your face could go unrecognised by him. He wanted to see everything, every reaction you had as he ruined you, as he made your face twist in a type of pleasure that was entirely unfamiliar to you.

Slowly, he began to push into your tight entrance, the feeling of your walls squeezing him making him want to release already, grunting. He can hear your breathy moans of pain and pleasure as he struggled to go slowly, watching as he disappeared inch by inch inside of you.

All he wanted to do was slam into you, to hear as you screamed in pleasure, but he controlled himself, gripping the sheets with his hands to remain his discipline. You feel tiny in comparison to him.

When he finally bottomed out inside of you, you let out a strangled breath, not used to this feeling of being penetrated like this.

"You feel like heaven, sweetheart," The praise fell from his lips as he grunted once more, one of his hands coming to hold the side of your neck.

"'m so full," You partially cried out, tears leaking from your eyes at the unfamiliar feeling. It felt so good, overwhelmingly so, that you couldn't help the water that leaked out of your eyes.

His mouth came to softly kiss the tears away, your hands coming up to wrap around his back to hold him close to you. You wanted him as close as humanely possible as you slowly became accustomed to the feeling of him inside you.

"You're doing so well, baby," The praise is murmured against your cheek, his eyes closed in pleasure, "Let me know when I can move."

It isn't long before you're giving him the green light and he rocks his hips back and then forward, going slower to start with and soaking up your moans and whimpers with his mouth. His thumb pressed against your clit as he began to go faster, making your moans get louder and you become more desperate.

His hips snapped against yours and you sob into his lips, your nails scratching down his back. His hands are everywhere, exploring every inch of your body and worshipping it all. He knew he could sit and caress each part of your skin and never get bored, feeling intoxicated by the softness of it.

You were like a drug, something he shouldn't touch, something that was supposed to be off-limits, but far too tempting to leave alone. He knew that from now on, he'd never be able to let go of you, never be able to keep his hands to himself.

Your moans were melodic to him, something that he could never get over hearing. He had never had sex like this with anyone before, always quick fucks to satisfy his needs, but this was different. He felt like the barrier was broken, that you guys were connecting on a different level. Something you could never go back from. He would never let you.

The look of your parted lips, mascara running down your cheeks with your tears and your hair messy was a sight that no man but him deserved to see. He could tell you were getting close, he was too, your walls clenching around him as your moans got higher in pitch and louder.

The tears roll down harder, pouring out of your eyes as you barely manage to get your words out, "Teddy- please."

The return of the nickname has him going harder, abusing your g-spot as he hit off it time and time again, igniting a flame in his stomach as he leaned down and pressed a kiss against your forehead.

"There she is," He whispered to you, his lips still against your forehead, "There's my good girl."

You came not long after that, walls convulsing as you came around his cock, moans loud as he found himself not far behind, quickly pulling out as he came over your skirt and bare chest, both of you panting and moaning, lost in the sound and feeling of one another.

[elle555]

astrology observes🦷

Scorpio risings have this mysterious and interesting aura about them like you are so fascinated by wanting to know everything about them

Aquarius placements especially mars have a reputation imo for being odd or doing something very different from others especially in the work environment/social media

I’ve notched fire signs love fall

air moons especially (gemini and libra) have a good poker face they like to play “peacemaker” or try not to be the “in everyone’s business” but in reality they do care but hide it very very well

having libra and pisces in the big 6 can cause for lying or telling people what they want to hear

sun-mercury aspects can make someone talk very fast and loud and even nonstop lmaoo

the influence of 4th house sun can make someone very easily vulnerable and open if they trust you doesn’t matter how long they’ve known you

scorpio placements are more secretive than cancer and pisces

scorpio 5H can make someone have interest for the human mind and how it works

having a cancer 7H could mean attracting someone with mommy issues or someone who didn’t have a stable/reliable mom in their life

Scorpio and Aries rising have very similar features imo

Having Leo Jupiter means you could have lots of hair like really thick or just luscious hair

Virgo mercury will ask a ton do unnecessary questions about anything

people with mars-Neptune aspects have very big goals/accomplishments

Pisces 3rd house means you might have been a pushover a lot at school or in your community like you were too nice too everyone

Aquarius risings and moon too possibly have a oval shaped face

having cancer 3rd house could mean making or building a “family” at school/neighborhood for example calling people “sis” “bro” “cousin” etc.

taurus/scorpio in big 3 makes someone very possessive over ANYTHING OR ANYONE

having taurus 11H especially mercury means you don’t care what anyone says and you like to do things your own way and on your own time

Earth risings have a basic style

Having air in 6H could mean you know alot about animals and pets

Sagittarius in the big 6 makes someone very knowledgeable and knows everything

Sagittarius risings are THICK😁

Cancer moons give of parenting or older sibling energy

Moon in 1st people have very round faces and plump lips

having Saturn in 1H can someone have non straight teeth or they need braces of some sort

Saturn in 11H could mean having or needing discipline and boundaries between friendships , may even have friends who are holding you back

mars in 6H makes someone very anxious and overwhelmed

moon badly aspecting sun could mean your mom had a big ego and never gave you the confidence and reassurance you needed growing up

12H venus/mars could mean you get drained or tired from relationships and need alone time a lot , and being overly infatuated

having Saturn-Midheaven aspects or Capricorn 11th house could mean you’re very interested and make content about history or the past

moon in 7H could mean finding emotional support in every relationship you’re in

Gemini suns are more social than the other air suns

having libra/taurus/pisces MC could mean wanting to do something related to beauty (makeup, music, artist) and relating to others on a deeper level like psychology/therapy/social worker etc.

having Pisces 6H could mean you ignore health issues or don’t think they’re that much of a big deal

Aquarius suns are even supportive and energetic people when it comes to others

Scorpio moons have a dark and Grungy aesthetic just like scorpio risings

9H placements mainly sun and mars probably moon LOVE traveling or being anywhere else but home , they the most confident and happy away from their hometown

having Scorpio 11H could mean being overly protective of your friends and your online appearance you share what you want to share.

Mutable risings have a very different and complex style and how they dress they’re experiment alot with clothing and buy anything they think will make a good outfit to them

moon 5H/leo/pisces/scorpio and 3H moons may deal with their emotions through music or through any type of poetic words

[secretwritingspot]

Sleepless Nights - Rough Ending

Pairing: OPLA Sanji x Reader

Rating/Content Warnings: R/X/18+, whatever you wanna call it this is FILTH. Reader is stated a woman in this (AFAB + words like "women" and "girl" used) so keep that in mind if it messes with dysphoria at all for you, and feminine descriptors are used. Maybe some somnophilia if you squint (since the whole premise is being fucked to sleep lmfao) but other than that it's pretty straightforward rough smut. Oh and unprotected sex. Wrap it before you tap it, freaks <3

Summary: the "rough" ending to Sleepless Nights, Sanji puts the reader to sleep...less gently.

Disclaimer(s): ...a little soft OKAY HEAR ME OUT- sex-wise, absolutely rough and filthy. As promised. However this is Sanji we're talking about, inventor of romance and only man ever. So there are a few soft bits (esp. at the end) but trust me, it's still plenty rough. You'll see.

"...I'll put you to sleep, love, on one condition," He coos, his voice a mix of sympathy and amusement as he strokes your cheek with a smirk.

"Anything."

You don't even think before speaking, desperate to sleep, to be touched, to be able to think clearly again once the fog of arousal and exhaustion clears from your mind.

And, well...hearing you say that to him in that breathy, desperate sort of voice- it does things to him.

He chuckles and grabs your chin lightly, touch firm despite its gentleness, and tilts your head up to look at him, leaning closer to study your face. He loves that you're this vulnerable in the moment. How he's got a clear advantage. His eyes sparkle as he leans in close to you, voice low and demanding.

"I'm in charge. If I tell you to jump, you ask how high. Got it?"

Your face flushes a brilliant pink at his words and your lips part softly in surprise, eyes widening a fraction as you look at him. He really- he wants- him? Despite your embarrassment, something about his gaze demands eye contact, and you can't make yourself look away. You swallow thickly, searching his face for any sign of joking and finding none. Slightly dazed, you nod your head.

His smirk only grows at the response as he seems to relish this moment. The way it feels when you're so vulnerable and trusting, the way your pretty eyes meet his, it's perfect.

He's going to enjoy this.

He leans forward until he's only inches from your face, his breath hot on your skin as he speaks with a whisper.

"Good. Be a good girl and get on the counter. Now."

Your skin only flushes further as you nod, not really able to do anything other than agree. Sanji is usually so...Sanji - doting, gentle, a bit of a pushover - but this, this is not that. This Sanji is practiced and precise, put together, in charge. This Sanji has no reservations about giving you what you want, fucking you so hard you pass out.

The unexpected sternness of it flicks a sort of switch in your brain and you obey instinctively, hopping up onto the kitchen counter behind you and looking to Sanji with wide eyes and a warm flush, as if waiting for him to tell you what to do next.

He watches you, grinning as you willingly hop up onto the counter. You look so soft and adorable. So innocent. He'll fix that.

"Spread your legs." He commands, leaning in close and taking a deep breath, the scent of your skin spreading throughout his every pore. His tone is low and husky, voice taking on a slightly more intimidating timbre. "Keep your arms by your sides," He instructs, slowly running his hand along your side and down to your hip, where it takes a firm grip.

You gasp softly when he doesn't even wait for you to comply, instead gripping your thighs firmly and pushing them open himself so he can stand between your legs. His tone leaves no room for debate and you find that your hands stay at your sides instinctively, firmly planted on the counter. He really didn't think you'd be the type to follow directions, but it's a pleasant surprise. The new position is better for access to you in every sense, but it also provides him with a better view. With your legs spread like that he can see your panties- soft, white lace. He nearly groans at the sight, because of course the most innocent fucking person on board would wear lace, of course you would.

He's never been happier about a cliche in his life.

He lets his eyes wander with a smirk, the blatant heat of his gaze making you flush in a mix of embarrassment and lust. He can't help but admire you, his grin growing a little wider and his eyes narrowing as he takes in the sight.

"So innocent," He mutters teasingly, "and yet..."

Your breath hitches sharply when he leans forward and traces two of his fingers over the moist patch of your panties teasingly, amused at how wet you already are. You can't do much else but grip the edge of the counter tightly, knuckles white as you try to keep your hands at your sides and to yourself like he instructed.

He won't deny that he finds your struggle entertaining, trailing his fingers all the way up your body from your panties, up between your breasts, over your throat, and eventually to your face, grabbing your jaw firmly.

His touch on your face is unexpectedly harsh, though you can tell it's calculated just enough to not hurt you, and he tilts your head back towards him slowly, his other replacing the first to tease you over your panties.

"Such a cute little thing you are..." He whispers, leaning in close so you can feel the heat of his breath on your face as he speaks.

"Open." He commands lowly, tightening his grip on your jaw just just enough to make a point.

Your eyes widen in surprise but you obey, opening your mouth. He wastes no time before harshly pushing two of his fingers past your lips, pressing down on your tongue in little circles. He's a gentleman, after all- he's not going to try to open you up without something to lubricate his fingers better.

He grins as you open, and he can't help but admire at your willingness to trust. You're truly just a good girl beneath that innocent exterior. Your mouth feels so soft and inviting. Your face shows such innocence even now, but your eyes betray you as he slides his fingers into your mouth, and he can see the raw lust in your eyes. He can't help but smirk at you, how perfect you look like this, all doe-eyed and obedient. He's going to enjoy this, his words a pleased hiss.

"God, just like that, sweetheart. Look at you, so eager to drool all over my fingers. Christ, you're perfect."

You whine at the vulgar words, flushing a pretty pink that extends to your ears. The sound is muffled but he can feel your throat vibrate around his fingers and good god, that's hot.

There's no warning before he pushes you flat onto your back until it's flush with the counter, the movement firm and quick and almost harsh if it weren't for the hand he places behind your head protectively to keep you from hitting the counter too hard.

"Good girl. So, so good. Stay right there, sweetheart," He murmurs softly, his lips close to your ear as he speaks in a soft, gentle voice.

It's a dizzying contrast from his actions.

As soon as you're laid out on the counter, flat on your back with your legs spread, Sanji's grin grows wider. His other hand, the one that was holding your head in place, moves down towards your chest.

You gasp in surprise when he pushes you down and immediately starts to grasp at your tits, so desperate he doesn't even take your shirt off, groping you through the fabric. His other hand, the one with his fingers still in your mouth, pulls out to shove your panties out of the way frantically and run his now wet fingers up your slit. The sudden feeling makes you gasp and you grasp tightly at his shoulder.

He can't help but groan softly at the feeling, clearly enjoying the sensation of your nails pressing into his shoulders, the suit stopping them from digging in too much.

"Christ, the wetness, sweetheart. You're so wet," he whispers, moving his hand up your shirt to start pulling it up, his other hand still on your neck to keep you pinned down.

As if the filthy words weren't enough on their own, he's purring them directly into your ear, nipping at the lobe and your neck as if he can't help himself, a hidden sort of desperation you're sure matches yours, even if he won't show it.

"Sanji-"

You can't do much else but whine, face going pink as your eyes squeeze shut. Your breath hitches in your throat and his teeth are everywhere- finding your ear, your neck, your jaw while his other hand doesn't hesitate before shoving two of his fingers into you. He grips your neck just a little bit tighter to keep you in place as he starts to whisper into your ear again, his tone low and hushed.

"Does it feel good, love?" He asks in a quiet growl, his tone low and predatory. He keeps moving his hand along your body, the other setting a harsh pace of thrusting into you, no buildup as he hammers his fingers insistently into your sweet spot.

"Tell me how it feels."

"Perfe- ah- perfect, Sanji, it's-"

You ramble in response, words interrupted by gasps as you cling to his shoulder, fists clenching and unclenching on repeat as you try to process all the sensations he's forcing out of you.

"Feels- feels s' good-"

"Is that right, sweetheart? You like the way this feels?" He asks, his voice now low, a harsh whisper, tone dripping with lust as his fingers thrust insistently into you. He leans down and nips at your neck again, harder this time, before whispering into your ear again. "Christ, you're a loud one, aren't you? I have other tricks up my sleeve, too. Would you like to see them?"

You can't do much else but nod with a whimper, eyes squeezed shut as you cling to him. Everything feels intense and heady and your lower belly feels like it's on fire. Ordinarily you would flush pink with embarrassment when he mentions being loud, but you're too overwhelmed to focus on it much right now.

With his wandering hand, he grabs your chin and tilts your head back to look at him, expression wild and predatory as he leans closer.

"Good girl. Then stay with me, sweetheart. Until I'm done with you."

You nod your head wordlessly as he pulls his fingers out of you to unbuckle his belt, chuckling darkly in amusement at the way the loss makes you whine, clinging to his shirt needily.

That's another thing about this he likes, he's decided- there's a strange power in having you like this, completely bare and exposed save for a thin t-shirt while he's fully clothed, suit still pristine.

"Aww, what's the matter, sweetheart? Did you not want me to pull out?"

He coos, his smirk growing wider as you cling to him, his fingers running softly along your neck once again. "So cute. I guess that's my fault. Don't worry love, I'll fill you back up real soon."

"Please-"

Your voice is somewhere between a whine and a sob at this point, squeezing your eyes shut. Your breath comes in rushed gasps and your words aren't much better, quick and desperate.

"Sanji please, I need you to- please-"

He grins when you beg, finding it so adorable. You're such a sweetheart, and when a woman like you ask so nicely it's hard to say no. Besides, he's been eager for this moment since the first second he laid eyes on you.

"What do you need, sweet thing? Use your words."

You don't even hesitate this time, tripping over your words immediately. You need this, need him, need sleep, need something you can't even place anymore until all you know is that you need.

"Fuck me, Sanji, please just- please."

You beg, words an almost incoherent mumble. You're too far gone to care that you're begging, that it's needy, that you sound pathetic right now. You just need him to get on with it, give you what you want. And god, is he more than happy to, shoving his trousers down past his thighs as quickly as he can physically manage.

"God, you're such a sweetheart." He groans in response, his grip on your chin tightening as his eyes roll back at the words, and he leans in close to press his lips against yours, his free hand still holding you down as he kisses you.

It's rough and desperate and messy, all teeth and lips and tongue, biting and nipping and sucking like he's curious, shoving his tongue into your mouth like he's exploring- all of it with a sort of feverish fervor that betrays that you're not the only needy one here.

"I'm going to destroy you..." He promises as he pulls away, biting at your bottom lip one last time as he lines up and pushes himself into you.

"Ah-!"

It's one, fluid moment- no pauses to adjust, no time, no slow prep or sweet words like you'd expect from someone like Sanji. It steals the breath from your lungs and cuts you off with a strangled gasp, the sudden stretch making you whimper as you cling to him, nails digging into his forearms through the fabric of his suit as you desperately try to ground yourself.

"God yes, love, you're so tight, and those noises..."

He groans into your lips, fingers stroking along your neck gently as he speaks, despite the power behind his touch still holding you down. He looks down at you lovingly as he leans in to peck your lips softly, a small moment of the gentleness you're accustomed to from him.

"You're amazing, sweetheart. Beautiful. You're mine. You know that, right?"

You nod your head emphatically as even his sweet words aren't interrupting the rough pace that he fucks into you, still mumbling praises and mindless babbling pleasure as his cock bullies your insides.

"Yo-urs, yours, always yours, promise-"

You gasp when his hand suddenly goes to push you back down until you're lying flat on the counter, giving him a better angle to pull out experimentally before pistoning his hips back into you, hard.

"That's a good girl. You're mine, angel. Completely. Do you understand? I own you." He murmurs softly, his grip tightening slightly on your neck.

You just nod, seeing stars from the angle, the immediate speed and harshness to his pace- this is the last thing you'd ever expect from him, but it's exactly what you need, you need him to keep going until your brain leaks out from your ears and you finally, finally pass out and get the rest you need.

He slows his movements to a halt with a sudden look of concern on his face, both hands moving to cup your cheeks and wipe away the wetness there - when had you started crying?

"Hey hey hey, love, are you okay? I need you to stay with me, sweetheart. I need you to stay conscious for me."

He starts to worry that he's doing too much, pushing you too far. He needs to make sure you're still coherent enough after this to tell him what you're thinking.

Needs to know you're still okay.

Still, as well-intentioned as his actions are, they're the opposite of helpful. You whine pitifully when he slows down, new tears of desperation starting to prick at the corners of your eyes.

He's so damn thoughtful, and it's perfect, and you love that he stops to ask, but right now it's so frustrating you just want to scream.

"No- nonono please, Sanji please, please keep going, 'm okay, please-"

Your words are a rambling whine, begging as you blink your eyes back open to look up at him, big and pleading as you try to make him understand how desperate you are for this.

"Wan' you to knock me out, Sanji, please. Put me to sleep."

As soon as he sees the fresh tears his expression softens, pouting at you with adoring concern and stroking your cheeks softly with the pads of his thumbs.

"You're sure?" He asks gently, voice intentionally soft and whisper-quiet. "Are you completely sure that's what you want, sweet thing? I'd hate to hurt you more than you can take."

In the small moment of respite, you feel a soft smile blossom on your face at his words.

Just the phrasing of it - "more than you can take" - it's an acknowledgement. An acknowledgement that even like this, he knows how strong you are. Knows that, to an extent, you can take being hurt. Maybe not all he could give you, maybe not all the time, but the acknowledgement of your toughness is there and it makes something warm flutter in your chest.

"I can take a lot more than you'd think," you reassure him eventually, a soft whisper that's all the answer Sanji needs.

Though the words aren't exact, the meaning is obvious- 'I can take it'. You truly want him to fuck you unconscious, make sure you sleep soundly for at least the next 12 hours.

The trust in it makes his heart swell and his lips pull back into a smile, starting to understand what it is you so desperately want. He's not going to do any damage, would outright refuse to do anything that might seriously hurt you, but if you want it rough then that's what you'll get.

"Alright, sweetheart," he reassures softly, his hands wiping the last stray tears from your cheeks before they resume their initial position, holding you down with one on your hip and one on your throat. "You'll be out soon. Just close your eyes, angel."

You nod your head, shooting him a quick look of thankfulness before closing your eyes, letting him hold you down as he sets a punishing pace with his hips, drilling into you as hard as he can manage. Fresh tears trail down your face as you grasp at his suit, whimpers getting more breathy and desperate by the second as you babble.

"Sa-sanji-"

"Oh, sweetheart. So fucking gorgeous when you cry..." He whispers in a harsh growl, voice dripping with lust as he continues on his pace, holding you down while he pounds you into submission.

With his other hand, he reaches down to toy with your clit, swiping quick circles over the bundle of nerves. It feels like he's shooting lightning directly into your veins and it's not long before you cry out, digging your nails into his suit jacket as you tighten around him. It's like nothing he's ever felt before, perfect in every way as you come around him. He keeps pounding into you, both to chase his own release and because he intends on keeping his promise- he's not stopping until you pass out.

"Oh god, sweetheart, you're about to make me lose it." He groans, a desperate and almost animalistic sound that betrays how close he is.

Everything comes to you in waves as your mind starts going blurry around the edges. You know that you finished, that Sanji keeps going, whispering something to you (you're too far gone to have any idea what, but the assumption of how filthy it probably is is enough), but he's still going, not just with his thrusts but with his fingers abusing your core and suddenly you're coming around him again, or at least you think you are.

You're not sure of much at all anymore.

The past 48 hours all seem to hit you at once, exhaustion like nothing you've ever felt before. Your mind clears to an almost normal state and then fizzles out again in waves, coming back for a few seconds only to fade before you can catch it enough to put together a coherent thought. You're not sure if you're still making noise at this point, but if you are you're sure it's completely gibberish, nothing but teary babbling.

"There it is, sweetheart. You've got nothing left in you now, do you? That's a good girl. You're so perfect, love." He coos sweetly, almost apologetically as he comforts you through his continued abuse of your cunt, now desperately chasing his own relief.

"So beautiful," He murmurs quietly, almost to himself, nuzzling his lips into your throat in a show of tender desperation as he continues his praise like it's an instinct.

The last things you remember feeling are him nuzzling the side of your neck as his hips twitch and falter in their rhythm, and then an explosive warmth. Warmth flooding every inch of your insides as he stalls and stays inside you while he finishes. Wether it's overstimulation or some odd kind of comfort it's that that does you in, and everything goes hazy as the world around you fades to black.

When you wake up the next morning-

(actually, you wake up at 2 in the afternoon)

-it's not in your bed.

But for what it's worth, it's not on the counter, either. And it's warm. The space between your legs suspiciously clean, the sheets tucked up to your shoulders, your hair distinctly less greasy than you remember it being.

When you wake up the next morning, there's Advil and a glass of water on the nightstand, a pair of your lounge clothes folded neatly on a chair by the desk. One of your stuffed animals has been (lovingly) kidnapped from your room, and now rests right next to you in this bed that is not yours, the only other occupying force on the nightstand a scribbled note that you're sure is emphatically apologetic for leaving you. The sheets are far too expensive and the pillow smells like cologne.

It's the best sleep you've had in your life.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Study Buddy 1

Warnings: this series will include dark elements which may include bullying, noncon or dubcon, or violent behaviour. Mind the warnings.

Summary: a group project leads to a tense partnership.

Inspired by this

Character: Walter Marshall

Big thanks to those who read! Feedback always helps inspire and you know I'm always happy to chat about possibilities! Please reblog and comment 💕

Group assignments are your worst nightmare. You’ve never been a fan of doing all the work while your classmates sit around and waste time. It’s one of the many reasons you opted for an online program over in-class learning. At least, you’d thought it would solve that problem.

How wrong you are. The second assignment and your task is to write a book review with a partner. Wonderful.

Worse than being the work horse, you’re just as much a pushover. How many times did you let the others speak over you and end up researching a topic you didn’t even care about? And all so they can coast off your efforts.

You sigh and look at your phone. You're nervous. It’s after three, they’re late. Or maybe not coming at all.

You frown and put your cell face down. You offered an online meeting with your assigned partner. You even made suggestions; Zoom, Whatsapp, Teams… They said they preferred to meet face-to-face, you were too reluctant to counter that you don’t. Again, rolled right over.

What was their name again?

You snatch up your phone again and check the short conversation. Terse responses to your overly quizzical messages. Walter. Your mind builds a stringy character with square glasses and a World of Warcraft tee shirt.

You stare at your last message. You told him you were there in the library, down in the basement where it’s not as busy. You think you included enough description of where; just between reference and biographies.

You minimize the chat and tap the learner portal shortcut pinned to your homescreen. It redirects to a browser and you sign in. No new announcements or notification. You scroll through the homescreen aimlessly.

You hear the heavy door to the stairs open and close and you flinch. You look up and see a man in an unzipped jacket with a messenger bag hanging off his shoulder. He’s tall and broad and his curls are slightly mussed with his expedience. He peers around and you sink into your seat.

Not him. He’s too old. Definitely not the ‘Walter’ sort.

You bring the chat back up, ready to text; ‘you on your way?’ Not anything accusatory, just checking in. Before you can hit send, someone clears their throat. You look up as that man stands across the table from you.

He says your name and you lower your phone, frowning as you straighten in your seat. Really?

“Oh, hi, Walter?” You utter.

“Mm, yeah,” his voice is more of a growl as he pulls out a chair and drops into it.

He puts his bag on the table as you lock your phone and set it aside. You swallow and grip the edges of your closed laptop. You watch him shrug out of his jacket. He lets it drop back over the chair which seems too small for him.

He’s not what you expected. At all. Not the sort you thought to meet in a creative writing program.

He inhales and rubs his forehead, “shoulda grabbed a coffee,” he grumbles. “Sorry I’m late, got held up.”

“It’s okay,” you eke out, running your fingers up and down the sides of your laptop. His eyes fall to the movement and you stop, opening the lid instead, “well, I was looking through the shared Doc, going through the suggestions…”

He hums and nods, an elbow on the table as he leans in, listening to you intently. Your voice wobbles as you speak only to keep yourself distracted, “I like the list but I’m not sure if they fit the parameters of the assignment.”

“How so?” He challenges.

“Oh, well, I… I don’t know, I was just reviewing the guidelines– if you think they do, I’m open to discussion–”

“And your suggestions? Girls’ books. I don’t wanna read those.”

You wince and bring your eyes up to meet his. You can’t tell if he’s glaring or that’s just the way he looks. You notice the few strands of silver woven through one of his curls. How old is he?

“Right, I’m not ruling anything out,” you sniff, “I did like this one. In The Woods? It sounded interesting, my only concern is it’s the first in a series.”

“So?”

“So nothing,” you wilt again, “sorry, well, how about that one? We can see if they have any copies we can take out here–”

“I have one,” he grits out. You don’t understand why you met in-person. He hardly seems to like chatting and you’re not better at it.

“Sure, okay, well, I’ll take care of getting a copy for myself,” you say, “we should set a date to read it by… I guess you already have… but we can make notes in the Doc. I’ll add a new section here.”

He huffs, a stormy gale that makes you shiver. What luck. You always did get the best partners for these things. You wonder if it’s too late to reach out to the instructor. No, that’s too much. It’s only your first meeting, you’re still strangers.

“Are you really taking this course so you can write those love stories?” He asks.

Your eyes flick up and your blanch, “what?”

“I wouldn’t let my daughter read those books. They set a bad example for girls,” he snarls.

“Oh, I didn’t… I… I want to write fantasy but er…” you stammer, his judgment scalding. “Let me just finish here.”

You turn your attention back to the screen. You go up to the list of book titles and erase the ones you put in. Your cheeks are on fire.

“You don’t have to delete them.”

“No, we don’t need them. We made our choice,” you insist with a tremor.

“Hm, shoulda figured.” You stop and once more peer over your laptop screen, “don’t have to be so sensitive. Can’t be a good writer if you can’t take criticism.”

“I wasn’t…” you begin and shrug off the argument. “Thanks, you’re right.”

He squints and tilts his head, “you also need life experience. No one wants to read a story about nothing.”

You gulp and bat your lashes at him. Wow, he’s mean.

“You don’t know me,” you quaver.

“Can guess a lot from someone’s bookshelf,” he says. “It’s my job to read people.”

“You’re job…” you wrinkle your nose, “well, then why are you taking a writing course?”

He pushes his shoulders back and inhales, “some people have something to say.”

The inference of his statement stings. You won’t debate him. You don’t know him and he doesn’t know you. Apparently, he doesn’t want to get to know you either. You’re not even sure why he came.

“Well, I think we have our next steps,” you push out your brittle voice.

“Sure do,” he checks his watch, “let me know if you need me to explain anything.”

He stands and grabs his coat and bag. You just sit there, watching him dumbly, “thanks, I will,” you murmur.

[laikabu]

re: my thoughts on laios’s sexuality (long post ahead lol)

let me start this post with this. first, this contains a lot of references to the new adventurer’s bible world guide book released last february. i can read japanese, but i’m sure they’re translated somewhere. general spoiler warning in case. also… i am ESL, so sorry for any grammar errors

second, if you’re on the team that insists laios doesn’t care about humans enough to form relationships, either read the manga again or at the very least read this thread.

last, please don’t chime in with your acearo headcanons on this post. there’s already a majority of posts here that insist laios is acearo and that anything else is impossible. i don’t like it the same way i don’t like when someone declares they hc marcille as bisexual to a poster who reads her as lesbian. i already have enough people here who declare he’s ace on my own art. at least people on twitter of all places don’t do this sort of thing to me. nothing in this manga is canon, you can headcanon anything i won’t get mad if you hc him as bi or something. just. don’t be weird on my post.

okay. trust me, i love women, and i love the idea of making my favs women lovers but the idea of laios being gay really appeals to me because of his background. this isn’t fueled by yaoi since i don’t even ship the only m/m relationship i bring up here, i just think it adds a nice layer to his disconnect with his own humanity

i do think laios has a very abstract relationship with his sexuality for a multitude of reasons. he grew up in a very conservative backwater village. he has a hard time recognizing his own feelings towards others just as much as vice versa. i don’t really care for the “laios is a monsterfucker” agenda people are pushing but i do think he’d engage in sexual thoughts in his own weird way, i won’t deny his deviantart fetish shit

as an autistic person myself, i relate to how he’d prioritize his special interest over social interactions. after all, he was fixated on monster food so he’s distracted from dark thoughts. he’s not an actual glutton

he’s shy around women, but i don’t think it’s out of attraction. i just think it’s because he’s awkward and doesn’t want to be seen as a threat. there’s a couple of times when, out of armor, he deliberately tries to make himself look smaller and nonthreatening.

he didn’t show any interest towards ashivia (the hubby hunter girl marcille replaced) and just humored her because she wouldn’t leave him alone. his other party members thought he was giving her special treatment so he had to tell her he “doesnt want to give her special treatment anymore”(even though he never did), so she left

ashivia did her best to butter herself up to laios and he didn’t care, but laios thought shuro was his bestest friend in the whole world because he was too much of a pushover to reject him. ironically… what ashivia did to him parallels what he was doing to shuro

also… yeah sorry i keep bringing up that one comic of laios saying if he were falin he’d marry shuro and then begging him to take him back to his country, or that comic of laios wondering why he doesn’t like him(and then the first two questions he asks the magic mirror was what if he or shuro were women). i don’t even ship them! but it’s not a reach to assume that he likes men because of this, even if it’s kinda played like a joke(after all,a lot of people like chilshi even though their ‘shippy’ interaction was played as a joke)

of course, given the setting, i don’t think knows he’s gay, he wouldn’t have the vocabulary to label himself. i do want to dance around with the idea of him forcibly confronting his own sexuality after years of yaad pressuring him to produce heirs lol. laios might not be cishet but he’s a king so he rdgaf about that right now. i’m open to him having female consorts for political reasons, but i don’t think he’s into women, is all.

before anyone brings up his succubus… god forbid an author makes hetbait. a part of the plot twist was that not-marcille wasn’t the only succubus enticing laios, his other party members were copied too. she was the only one who approached him. also… succubi aren’t always inherently romantic. once it realized marcille didn’t work, it switched to appeal to his desire to be a monster.

[meechlamajor]

IF YOU WERE ON UCONN’S WOMENS BASKETBALL TEAM: HEADCANONS

*For this headcanon, we’ll call you Danica*

You’re in your sophomore year, and having a great one so far.

And even though you’re on the younger side, the team often jokes that you’re the mom. Whenever you guys hang out you have everything they could ever need on hand.

Imagine the team is walking around the mall doing some shopping after practice. You straggle behind the group, occupied with your surroundings. Some may call it weird, but you liked to people watch sometimes and they team knew it. That’s just how you were.

You overheard a little of the conversation they were making, it going one in and out the other until you heard Ice complaining about some.

She kissed her teeth, “this tag keep scratching the back of my neck.”

“Here let me pull it off,” KK beamed.

“No”, Ice rolled her eyes, but you chirped up. You carry a tote bag that you’d gotten from a thrift store and you had all sorts of things in there.

“I have some scissors in my bag,” you chimed, catching up with the group. You dug through your bag, and motioning for Ice to lean over so that you could the tag.

“Dani to the rescue,” Nika smiled, nudging your shoulder.

Your walk-out song on First Night would be something to get the crowd hyped up.

Lol if it were me, these would be my top songs:

Shining - DK Khaled (feat. Beyoncé and Jay Z)

Views - Drake (started at 30 seconds)

The beat drop is just too good.

5500 Degrees - EST Gee

HiTek Tek - Future

Handsome and Wealthy - Migos

You and KK are literally besties!

You’ll always make a TikTok with her or get on live. You’re pretty introverted and her goofy personality really brings you out of your shell.

“Dani,” she waved you over. “Come do this TikTok with me.”

You threw your phone down on the couch and got up, pulling your shorts down in the process. “What is it?”

She angled her phone in your direction so that you could see: (https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLMe72Hw/)

It took you maybe 7 minutes to learn, but something as simple as a TikTok was one of your favorite pastimes with KK.

What kind of player are you?

You’re an aggressive player and tough. You’ve never been afraid to show dominance on the court and you love it especially because people tend to underestimate you. You move with grace, elegance, and tenacity, but that’s easy when you’ve been playing for as long as you have. Thanks to your high IQ, you adapt well. Your speed and reflexes are some of your best attributes.

You’re good on the defensive side, but your offense could use some work for sure (despite that you have great court awareness). You’re brilliant at staying low, your footwork is tight, but you don’t get too stiff, and you have active hands.

You’re not an arguer, but you’re not a pushover either. If a call doesn’t feel right to you, then you make it known.

Side note: when you celebrate, you mimic a plane, your arms being the wings.

Your room at the athletic dorms

You take the neutral route, so I think you’d have cream, beige, black, or gray sheets and blankets on your bed. All of your decor would probably follow a similar theme and I can picture a few low maintenance plants in there so you don’t have to worry while on the road. You take pride in your plant babies, trust me. I can see pops of color in there as well. You’ll have a few posters, too. Your bed will have plenty of stuffed animals!

(I love those Murakami flower pillows lol)

The inspiration behind your jersey number

It would definitely be something sentimental, it’s supposed to represent you on the court! Or, maybe it’s just your favorite number.

What your interviews are like

Fans have noticed that you’re really attentive and a good listener. If someone if having trouble with articulating a question of some sort, you try to catch on make sure you’re on the same wavelength. You can almost talk forever if someone really gets you started and you make little jokes to take the edge off. Fans have noticed that sometimes you make little slick comments after a tough loss, especially ones about the refs.

Because you’re being spoken to directly, people get a real glimpse into your personality and your spirit as a person, not just a ball player. Fans also love to watch you interact with Ashlynn (literally my boo i love her sm). You’re interviewed a lot together because you’re magic on the court.

AUTHOR’S NOTE!

i hope u guys liked this! i admire the teams dynamic so much so this one was fun to write. excuse any inaccuracies or errors for this one, i understand basketball at the basic level lol (both of my brothers played d1 though so it’s a shame 💀).

[kyuteflesh]

price / soap / f!reader

・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・

* soap wants u real bad + being prices property = threesome

this is just a little unfinished thought. plotting up a storm rn. unprofessional for them but let me live my fantasy pls.

⚠️: degradation, slight smut, mainly just price yapping, +18

you were the captains bitch. everyone knew that.

from the way you came out of his office stumbling, new hickeys showing up every other day.

soap had been plotting on you since day 1. unlucky for him, price got to you first. he just had the charm soap lacked ig.

was that really the case tho???? or did price just ask you out sooner?

here you were, pinned up against the wall of johnnys room. his brawny arms keeping you restricted. tonguing your mouth, wanting more.

“we can’t be doing this, johnny. if he finds out, we’re both as good as dead”

“if you would just keep it down, then he wouldn’t possi—“

that’s when a fuming price burst through the door, materials clanging so loudly against each other you were sure the knob left a hole in the wall.

soap quickly backed away from you. temperature dropping, hands clammy. looks of panic coming from both of you.

“forget to lock the door eh, mactavish? ‘m sure you won’t make that mistake again. not after i have a fuckin’ bullet going through your thick, idiotic skull.”

price approached you, you were cowering under his much taller and intimidating stature. “please don’t kill him, john. he must’ve had too much to drink- i don’t know just please!”

scowling at you, inches away from your face. you could feel the steam radiating off of him.

“don’t hurt ‘em, ey? why should i listen to a whore who can’t keep her legs closed for any man? that’s all i’m gathering out of this.” price slid his hand down your pants, running a finger between your folds.

pulling it back out, he let out a measly laugh.

soap could do nothing but nervously fiddle with his thumbs.

quite the dumbass he was, trying to enter someone else’s property. he was stuck regretting every single decision leading up to this moment.

“look at this, johnny. look at how wet youve got my little cum dump. isn’t that something?” smiling, he wiped his finger off on johnnys neck.

gulping, he finally was able to muster out a few words. “i’m so so sorry captain, sir. it won’t ever happen again i—“

“pfft, johnny, lad, you’re such a pushover. grow a pair. you wanna fuck my girl? at least let me show you how it’s done first.”

WHAT DID HE SAAAYYYY??!!!!

“what?!” you both gasped in unison.

“you heard me. now y/n,” having a seat on the bed, price started to take his dick out. it was still soft.

“make me hard. let’s put that filthy mouth of yours to good use.” he patted his lap.

you were too stunned to speak, nervously sweating, blushing.

“are you deaf all of a sudden?” price spat out. he was losing his patience.

you quickly complied, not wanting the situation to escalate any further.

you lowered down to your knees, giving his tip a soft kitten lick. you began to take his whole length in your mouth. hollowing your cheeks as you let your tongue roam.

it was only a matter of time before you could feel him stiffening, hitting the back of your throat.

price took his attention away from you, looking up to johnny. “you want this?” he beckoned, running his hands through your hair.

johnny just nodded. ashamed of the growing erection in his pants. “come take my place then”

you were in doggy, face full of johnnys cock. pussy soon to be full of john’s cock. funny!

price gave your ass a firm smack. you were nervous. this was the first thing you’ve indulged in anything of the sort (a 3sum, that is).

johnny squeezed his eyes shut. not believing what was going on. the woman of his dreams giving him the blowjob of his life. his higher up fucking you from behind.

teetering back and forth between the two, you barely needed to put any effort in.

price was fucking you hard enough to where you didn’t need to bob your head for johnny.

it would be foolish to think that none of you were enjoying this.

you got to be used as a fuck doll by these insanely hot military men. dream come true.

[heytherecentaurs]

The Bad Parents would see Kristen in crisis, sort of in free fall, and all endeavour to help her. She's a kid who had to leave home because her parents are bigots. Then she moved in with her girlfriend's family (which thankfully is also her best friend's family). But do you ever think she was scared, even briefly, that she'd have nowhere to go when she and Tracker broke up? Like maybe in the back of her mind she wondered if the grace they'd shown her was because she was Tracker's girlfriend.

I think the bad parents would have rallied around her. Jawbone who knows how hard she's been grinding at school. Sandra Lynn who fully understands what it's like to be a young woman in crisis. (And who is used to dealing with Fig's special brand of bullshit; Kristen's problems might seem easier to tackle.) Wilma and Digby who are so kind and understanding but don't put up with bullshit and won't be pushovers. Even Sklonda who didn't want Riz's friends exploiting him, but you can't tell me she wouldn't hear from Riz that Kristen is Acing her cleric classes and crushing it on the campaign, and now you're telling Sklonda this girl who's really applying herself in shitty circumstances is being punished for it and on top of that it's going to effect her own kid's academics and future. Get the fuck outta here.

Kristen just needs one adult to march into that school with her and say "You're out of order." Like the school may be able to push around some kid and force her through hoops, but Sklonda or Sandra Lynn? No way. "You can't expel her. Kristen has perfect grades and is an active student in extracurriculars. What do you mean, 'She fails because her deity is dead'? Does Kristen still believe in her? Yes. Does Kristen still have her magic? Yes. How then can her goddess be dead? Last I checked Cassandra is a goddess of mystery. Just because you don't understand the mystery doesn't mean you have the right to punish Kristen for it. In fact combined with the cleric teacher's behaviour, this constitutes discrimination on religious grounds." Like... "Who's in charge here? You don't have someone qualified at the head of your administrative faculty? I'm going to have a class action suit brought against the school on behalf of the student body and you don't have Arthur Aguefort here to protect you."

Kristen needs an adult to reasonably address these issues on her behalf and failing that, an adult who will be mean.

Put me in a room with whoever you want from that school and I'll eat them alive. I'll make them cry. I don't care if Jace Stardiamond is evil or not. And I certainly don't care what big tent megachurch bullshit Bobby Fucking Dawn slithered out from. Fuck him and his Kentucky-fried drawl. I'll crush him.

(Side note: Kristen should have immediately begun whatever emancipation process Solace has because Mac and Donna should not be making legal and medical decisions on her behalf.)

[beatrixstonehill2]

"POV: you're getting driven to the surgeon to have your big, perfect breasts removed because your new boyfriend's family thinks they're too big...... My bf loves large breasts and mentioned it constantly when we talked on Tinder. I love guys who are super into my boobs so it's a win-win. I told him I'm down for public groping, him making me flash strangers, walking with his cum on my boobs in public, that sort of stuff. We hit it off really well and our first date was mostly us walking up and down the boardwalk with him pulling up my shirt and flashing my boobs to strangers. It was pretty hot but really humiliating. I think he might like that....

So, we went on a few more dates. We'd been going out for around two months and he wanted me to meet his parents. The second I walk through the door their smiles turn to dread. They all ogle my breasts and tell me things like, "Oh no, sweetie, you poor thing. Why haven't you had a reduction yet?" and "Those breasts are much too large. They look so unflattering on you." My bf barely reacted, leaning into what they were saying, despite being into my boobs.... He'd nod along and say stuff like, "You think so?" or "Well, I guess they are a bit too large...."

I was so embarrassed as they teased me and he seemed so cool with it. Soon they were straight up pulling my boobs out of my top and examining them. They told me breasts as 'oversized' as mine have an ultra high risk of cancer. They sat me down and talked me into donating my boobs to cancer research, and not to worry, that I'll look way sexier without all that excess, unnecessary fat. My bf flat out agreed with them, and said it'd be a major improvement if I get rid of them..... Before I knew it, they signed me up for the donation and here I am, just over two months dating this guy and about to get my boobs chopped off.... Fuckkkk..... Why am I such a pushover? I bet he picked me on Tinder just to introduce me to his parents and make me get my boobs removed.... I bet it's a total turn on for him. And I'm such a good girlfriend, I'm sitting here hoping watching the surgeon remove my breasts will turn him on and make him cum super hard...."

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Rose's Day of Asks

Who were some of your favourite overall performances in terms of physical acting? Hands, face, body, whatever you prefer.

Have a great Day💜

 Hmm this is is a really hard question to- 

Billkin in I Told Sunset About You

Billkin as Teh is one of my favorite physical performances, not just in BL but of all time. I said this in The Conversation episode where we talked about I Told Sunset About You but for a boy that does not say much, Teh is incredibly loud as a character. The way he sits up, the way his face falls, the way he always circles, the grandiose and the miniscule ways that his body reflects his emotions. Do not get me wrong, PP is gorgeous and devastating in his role as Oh, but Billkin has a very very difficult character to contend with and to embody and from the posture, to the motion, the anger, the tears, the jealousy, the joy. He is constantly, constantly moving: tapping his fingers, shaking his leg, pacing, peeking, there is no way Teh is not an exhausting role to play, and he absolutely nailed it.  

[the rest of these are in no particular order, but there are so many, you really need to limit me to like..five cause I can’t do that on my own.]

Nike Nitidon in 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us 

Nike as Inthawut is an understated physical performance that I really enjoyed, Inthawut as a character is incredibly self-isolating, distrusting, shameful, and Nike carries that character very stiffly, squared shoulders, rimrod back, but he still moves with such grace to him. I watched all of 180 Degrees just thinking “he’s moving like a dancer” the entire time. Which is such a fascinating way to exist in a story where Inthawut and Sasiwimol as characters are engaging in a sort of social dance around each other and around Wang as they attempt to deflect questions about Siam. 

Hagiwara Riku in My Beautiful Man: Eternal 

Hagiwara is incredible generally but I really want to highlight his performance in My Beautiful Man: Eternal which has one of my favorite acting moments of BL. That is his performance when he is rescuing Kiyoi from Anna’s stalker. He moves so swiftly, so gracefully on a dime between threatening and violent, to soft and loving in his body and in his voice and in the shimmer in his eyes. Is it a surprise that he was able to pull that off? No, he showed such incredible range in his physical performance in the original season jumping between the timid, awkward, pushover to the loud, aggressive to the point of needing three people to hold him down, when he is defending Kiyoi, but it was truly so fun to watch him turn it on and off at any time. 

Also just an additional shout out to Yasei Yugei, specifically for the scene in Utsukushii Kare 2 when Hira tells him he doesn’t love him. The way his face fell? Incredible. 

Hasegawa Makoto in Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto

I wouldn’t say Hasegawa as Miyata is overall my favorite physical performer, however he had one of my favorite face changes of all time in the episode 4 sex scene. The way he sets his lips, the challenging look in his eyes, it was such an incredibly impressive shift in Miyata who has until that point been rather annoyed, bitchy, or awkward. 

Tod and Boy in Ghost Host, Ghost House

Again, I wouldn’t say they have one of my favorite physical performances overall BUT Tod and Boy in Ghost Host, Ghost House had one of my favorite physicality moments of all time with their sex scene in Episode 4. More accurately with the build up to their first time. Kevin in his shorty little short shorts knowing exactly what he was doing. I can’t even describe the whole thing or what exactly it was about the scene that really did me in but you can absolutely feel the desire, the tension through the screen, and that is in huge part due to the physical performance of both of those actors. Pluem covering his mouth, trying to look away, ugh, exquisite. 

Nishijima and Uchino in Kinou Nani Tabeta? 

I think the hardest thing for me to appreciate with a lot of the Japanese actors is that I haven’t watched a ton of Japanese media so I rarely see the actors cross over between shows or genres and that makes it hard for me to understand just how talented they are at embodying their characters. But oh my god, these two, they are just. Their hug at the end of season one is one of my favorite moments of all time, it makes me so emotional. The full body panic that washed over Shiro’s body when Kenji turned to leave in the first ever episode of What Did You Eat Yesterday? Kenji’s face during the “I know you’re hurting” line, the increasingly frequent smile from Shiro in season 2. Just AHHHH they are both such good physical performers. 

Louis Chiang, Hsu Kai, and Takeda Kuohei in Kiseki: Dear to Me & Old Fashion Cupcake (respectively)

Louis and Hsu gave me the same physical acting moment in Kiseki that I loved in Old Fashioned Cupcake which is the body responding to something differently than the brain is, especially in something as physically demanding and choreographed as a kissing scene. All three of them did such phenomenal jobs in their respective scenes with Ai Di looking so fucking confused when Chen Yi kisses him, and actually kissing back for a split second before biting him, Fan Ze Rui kissing Bai Zhong Yi back while trying to push him away and then immediately giving up, and Nozue fully doing calculus in his head while still kissing Togawa back. I appreciate actors so much because I could never oh my god. 

Milk and View in 23.5 Degrees

I gotta get some ladies on here and who better than the loves of my life Milk and View. Milk I just want to commend how variable her performance is between 23.5 and Bad Buddy. I am so so here for all the rolling, flailing, fainting, screaming. She’s doing such an incredible job in what I am sure is a very physically taxing role. 

View going on the complete opposite end of the spectrum with a very stiff character with a very flat affect. I love everything about Aylin, and I especially love those little moments of emotion that do break through. The small smile Aylin gets, the crying breakdown she has on the basketball court, the delay before she too runs all gangly and awkward to the door to greet their friends. Stiffness feels like a hard thing to embody without it feeling like bad acting, because I think a lot of what I see of bad acting comes from people who are too stiff, for completely non-character related reasons. 

MOTHERFUCKING BARCODE TINNASIT IN DEAD FRIEND FOREVER

This kid. Was. SO. CREEPY. I am so proud of him! When I first saw Barcode on screen in this show, I thought they picked him for the role of Non because he was the sweet, baby-faced little boy you remember from KinnPorsche and thus would garner sympathy. But no. 

NOPE. 

I WAS WRONG. 

It is because BARCODE IS A FUCKING POWERHOUSE at 18 years old. The laughter, the smiles, the absolutely deranged behavior. The breakdowns. This kid. Holyyyyyyyyyy shit. 

__

In truth there are so so so so so many moments, performances, actors that are just absolutely incredible and worthy of praise, and the nice thing is that even small moments can make huge impacts on me, on an audience as a whole. Sometimes it’s not just the physicality of the actors that really makes the performance, it’s the anatomy of the scene, it’s choreography, it’s lighting, it’s sound. The silence in Our Dining Table, Episode 8 when Yutaka reaches back for the briefest of moments. The editing of the masturbation scene in I Feel You Linger in the Air cutting between Jom’s hands on Yai’s back and Jom’s hands on his own body. Han Baram’s sad, sad little face and his sad sad little song and the way he and Im Han Tae cuddle even when they are platonic in Sing My Crush. Sam Lin + Alcohol in We Best Love. Like ugh there’s just so many beautiful physical moments out there. 

Additional Shout Outs: 

First Kanaphan, Mark Pakin, Fourth, Ohm, Singto: all of these boys are so impressive in their physical acting in so many ways. First as Yok and First as Akk was almost completely unrecognizable to me when I first saw them. First is an incredible physical actor, and I wish that GMMTV would actually let him maintain complex characteristics rather than turning him in to the weepy boy every time. But from a physical acting standpoint, he’s incredible. Mark Pakin truly is GMMTV’s six man: he was on The Warp Effect, Moonlight Chicken, and My School President which all aired at the same time, with him playing three very different characters. It was such a treat to see Fourth and Gemini back to back in MSP and MLC as well, but the happy bouncy puppy dog that was Gun compared to the jaded, angry young adult that was Li Ming was just marvelous to behold, I swear to god I saw a storm cloud pass over that kid’s brow at one point during MLC. Ohm because of course. Singto because that dude is able to convey so much by moving so little of his face, it’s truly astounding. 

James Supamakong in Bed Friend, Episode 4

This is honestly more from a vocal perspective but the way he fucking screamed and cried in both attempted rape scenes haunts me to this day. 

The cast of Ossan’s Love Returns, but especially all of the fight scenes between Hayashi Kento (Maki) and Yoshida Kotero (Kurosawa), they were so fun to watch, especially because they are supposed to present as such put together characters, and the sustained fight scene in Episode 6 was fucking hysterical. 

Non-BL mentions: 

Toby Stephens and his voice acting in Black Sails

Matthew McFayden and the hand flex in Pride and Prejudice 

Kalki Koechil and physically portraying cerebral palsy as an able bodied actress in Margarita With a Straw (you can check out my write up for my thoughts on the ethical component of that though)

The fencing scene from The Court Jester

I have never watched the movie, but Christopher Reeve’s Clark Kent to Superman transition

Sense8. All of it. 

I haven’t even seen it, but Orphan Black

What are some of yours?

[twistedpoisonoushearts]

Characters: Octavinelle trio, Jade Leech, Floyd Leech, Azul Ashengrotto

Gender neutral reader

Warnings: not proofread, probably some grammatical errors

Synopsis/tags: Reader goes on a date with someone they don’t know very well, but couldn’t say no. The person tries to humiliate them but they forget they are in the monstro lounge, relationship not established, friends to lovers(?)

Notes: I have no clue what to put for a title, request if I have it open please! I'd love to write more!

"Great! So meet at the monstro lounge? Right after school."

Those were the words you heard only a few hours ago.

Mumbling curses under your breath as you made your way to the lounge you continued to wonder why you accepted this students ask for a…date.

They stood in front of you only hours ago. A grin and flowers in his hand. Not to mention the fact that he asked you in a date in front of many students in the hallway.

Why couldn't you have just said no? You asked yourself, the answer clear. Pushover. People pleaser.

Maybe if these issues weren't so prominent then you'd be able to stand your ground against the bird-man more. Maybe you'd even be able to prevent Ace and Deuce (and Grim) from causing trouble practically everywhere they went.

Alas, here you were, messing with you uniform nervously as you entered the lounge. Scanning the room you debated leaving-but that would be standing up your date. Which would…make you feel guilty.

So you walked over to his table with a forced smile on your lips and took the seat across from him.

He began to talk and even though you (sort of) tried to listen, you couldn't force yourself to listen to him.

Until you caught wind of his unfriendly grin and suddenly water-ice cold bone chilling water-cascaded down every inch of your being. You gasped at the chill.

Not a single dry spot. You were utterly drenched and near shivering.

You groaned, "My uniform!" You grumbled and shot your head up to the male who was laughing, two other males joining his side in laughter.

"You-you really thought I liked you?" He laughed with his friends and you didn't even bother to hold back an eye roll. "You, the magicless student who doesn't belong anywhere." Your gaze narrowed.

He continued to speak but you merely stood and grabbed your bag. He was not worth your time and how you wished you never gave it to him.

There was a thought in the back of your head asking where the tweels were. Surely they wouldn't allow this kind of publicity to be allowed in the cafe…

So when you saw his face change into fear, you didn't have to look behind you to know who it was.

Jade

"I suggest you leave the premises." He purred. A smile on his lips, but it sent chills up your spine. It wasn't even directed towards you.

The nameless student's eyes went wide but for some stupid reason, stood his ground. "Oh please. You're going to defend this magicless freak?"

"Yes." He said, "I am."

He rolled his eyes, "They deserved it."

"So if the Prefect here deserves to be bullied...then according to your logic...you deserve something as well." An eerie smile appeared on his lips.

"I-I'm out of here." Then the student ran with his friends.

"My my." Jade clicked his tongue, "How do you always get wrapped up in horrid situations."

You shrugged.

"My apologies for you having to deal with such inconsiderate people." He waved his wand and you were instantly dry, "How about a drink? It's on me."

He offered his hand and you looked into his heterochromatic eyes that you could never quite read, "Sure."

He was definitely going to have a deeper conversation with that student later.

Floyd

A sharp gasp behind you, "Shrimpy!" Then arms wrapped around your torso, holding you in a tight hug.

He glared at the student, "You dare do this to my shrimpy?" He released you and pushed you behind him, "My you're just asking to get squeezed." He laughed.

The student took a step back on edge, but didn't respond.

"Sheheee...why are you backing up?" He smiled, showing off sharp teeth, "I only want to squeeze you to death."

At that, the student booked it. Sprinting out with his friends behind him. Floyd was about to follow when you grabbed his arm. He very well could've shaken you off due to his strength, but he stopped and turned to you.

You sighed, "Don't. It's not worth it. It's my naivety that got me in this situation." You brushed back hair that stuck to your bare skin.

"But Shrimpy!" He whined, lips forming a pout.

You sighed, "I appreciate the thought though." You said. "I probably should go now tho-oh!" You were picked up.

"Wait! You're not dry!" He hugged you, "You're not leaving yet!" You yelped but just went limp in his arms. No point in struggling, besides it's the thought that counts.

Besides, even though the hug was quite tight, it made you feel warmer.

He was going to squeeze the hell out of the student later.

Azul

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to inform you that this kind of behavior isn't allowed inside the Monstro Lounge." The male said, standing beside you.

"In fact, you are banned from stepping foot here. Along with your friends." He said cooly.

"But-you can't do that!" The nameless student protested.

Azul adjusted his glasses, "Actually I can, and I just did. Just know if you are ever here again you will regret it."

The student snarled before walking out, friends in tow.

He turned to you, frowning softly, "Why do you allow yourself to hang around that kind of crowd Prefect?" He asked.

You sighed, "I dunno I just felt guilty about not doing it..." Arms crossed you clutched your sleeves in your hands, water continuing to drip on the floor.

He didn't respond, he only took out his pen and waved it. A breeze of air ruffled your clothes and tickled your skin. When it passed, you realized that you were completely dry.

"Perhaps there needs to be a contract where you don't say yes to everything." He softly smiled.

Your raised a brow, "The catch?"

"A uh..." his cheeks flushed, "a date with me?"

You grinned, "Well wouldn't that just go against the 'contract'?" You gave him a wink, heat rushing to your cheeks, "I'd love to."

Reblogs are greatly appreciated.

[masterjedilenawrites]

Gello! It's nice to meet you! Though i am dropping by to ask, what are your thoughts on Crosshair having like a long-term relationship? It's like a year plus some months.

Welcome, nice to meet you too! 🤗

I hope you were wanting a whole rambling post on this, because that's what I've got for ya. 😅 I have no self-control when it comes to imagining Crosshair in a relationship.

Crosshair would have never planned to be in a relationship of any kind. It would've been something he just fell into, finding a person he was actually, genuinely comfortable with and not wanting to part from them. Sharing life with them quickly becomes the new norm, so when he's asked about the status of things, or about the future and what he wants... he's confused. Of course he's committed. Isn't that obvious? He's not interested in keeping his options open, not when he's found probably the one person in the whole galaxy that cares for him this much. And once Crosshair commits to something, he's not letting go.

Day to day, he doesn't change much. He still has his routines, his preferences and his annoyances, his skills and his shortcomings, all the things that make him him. But to the few who know him well, they see the difference a long, loving relationship has made in his spirit. He just seems lighter somehow. Less severe, more comfortable. Still grumpy at times, sure, but everyone knows his partner will help him come around when needed.

He's not a pushover, or wrapped around their finger in any way. But he does trust them. He listens to them. And they are the type of partner that would only try to change his mind when he was truly being unreasonable. They filter a lot of petty complaints out, things his brothers or the general public go to them with, and they only occasionally agree to the point of then giving Cross an earful. He takes what they say to heart and makes the correction, albeit still in his own stoic or sassy Crosshair way.

He finds it natural to make decisions in tandem. He's not one of those super protective boyfriends, so if his partner wanted to tag along on missions, he'd be cool with it. He keeps an eye on them same as the rest of the squad. But if they would rather settle down somewhere and keep different hobbies, he'll be supportive of that, too. Just so long as he's free to do his own thing as well. (Gun to his head, though, he'd confess he prefers doing things together.)

Communication is his weak point. Though he gets better over time, he still struggles to vocalize what he really feels. So he'd really only be with a patient and intuitive partner. Someone who can sense when he's holding back and knows how to gently coax it out of him. Anyone else would have left him early on, too frustrated or pushy to make a longterm relationship work.

Physical intimacy for him is a private affair. He hates the thought of having eyes on him in these moments. Even a "chaste" kiss makes him feel too vulnerable to be seen by anyone other than his partner. So how quickly they progress in this realm of their relationship will solely depend on how much privacy they're able to get.

All in all, he's a simple man in a relationship. He will give his partner anything with the expectation they return it in kind - trust, benefit of the doubt, attention, space, care.... Again, he never would have sought this sort of thing out, never thought it was possible to feel the way he does, to have even met someone like them... But now that he has, he can't imagine his life any other way. If anything were to happen to them, or if for some reason they had a change of heart and left (though let's be real, his perfect partner would never), he isn't going to be in a relationship ever again. It's them or no one. So really, a longterm relationship for Crosshair is more a lifelong relationship.

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[not-your-fucking-kacchan]

Hi you really don’t have to do this…… anyway I’ve been told I act like near from death note so could you do a mha x child male reader where the reader acts like near from death note like he pulls out toys in the middle of class stacks cups at lunch and is very quiet and stuff oh yeah could you make it class 1-A + Aizawa maybe other teachers in there too sorry if it’s too specific

Ofc! I haven't gotten that far into death note yet so I had to watch a Near compilation on YouTube, so I hope I got a good enough grasp of him in that time lol

Also I'm describing you as antisocial rather than shy, because near didn't strike me as the shy stuttering pushover type, and seemed just withdrawn or disinterested, and I also high-key headcanon izuku may have ADHD. I will not elaborate <3.

Masterlist<3

𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬 1𝐀 𝐱 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐞!𝐀𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

It draws a few sets of eyes every time you pull out a pack of tarot cards or dice to play with in the middle of class, but noone really got distracted as long as you were quiet enough. Though, a few times you've knocked over a power ranger or transformer doll while taking notes and drawn the classes attention.

During break on your second week of school, you find yourself approached by the 'bakusquad'. Kirishima introduces himself politely and mina stares in awe at your tarot collection, but Bakugou looks livid.

He doesn't expect you to meet his glare directly with an unamused stare, and he's a second away from lunging at you and taking it as a challenge before Kaminari and Kirishima simultaneously bonk him in the head.

"Dude you don't even know him, give him a chance!"

You can't stop yourself from raising an eyebrow at the statement, figuring that these two must be the perfect balance for Bakugou's... Overbearing personality.

The next thing that catches your attention is the green haired boy that joins into the conversation, quietly asking you a question with a cute tilt of his head. "Have you maybe got ADHD? I've just seen a few of the signs on you- It's perfectly okay if you do! You won't be looked at differently!"

You already like this one, he's so precious.

Your eyes look straight into his as he studies you, and it's very intriguing to watch the gears turn in his head while he figures you out like some sort of puzzle. You could definitely get along with him. "No, I don't believe so."

He seems a little surprised by your words, but then again, you very well may have ADHD. You were never allowed to get tested for it, because your parents refused. Without a diagnosis, they can pretend there's nothing "wrong" with you.

He studies your eyes, figuring that you may have an irregular sleep schedule from the dark circles under your eyes, and that your eyes seem to be very sensitive to light because of how wide your pupils are. It's almost unnerving, to be honest. Your eyes look almost fully black.

Over the next few days you're scolded a few times by Aizawa Sensei for being too loud when knocking over your dice or your robots, but he never once asked you to put them away. All he asked in return was for you to be a little more active in the lessons.

"You get to keep your toys as long as you answer questions and participate a little more. Does that sound fair?" You nodded, slowly backing away to walk back to your desk and wait for break to finish, but from then on, you start drawing attention to yourself.

At first the attention is unwanted, and as you sit Criss cross applesauce on your chair, playing with your tarot cards, Izuku comes to sit next to you, starting to ramble about a random hero that you don't know anything about. He's very easy to get used to, however, and you quickly become what some would call friends.

Everyone's a little creeped out by your social awkwardness, and the fact that you never seem to talk, until they start to include you more, and you're forced to make new friends.

That doesn't mean you don't have trouble opening up though, and during lunch you sit in silence with your new friends as they chatter and smile at you, stacking cups that Izuku gave you to help you focus on something other than the amount classmates you have crowding you.

It takes a few more months for even Izuku to pry anything even remotely emotional from you, and even then it only shows in the waver of your voice, but he's proud nonetheless.

He would escort you around school because he didn't want you to be alone, and after a while your newfound closeness with Izuku branches out as mina comes to join the two of you.

She gives you an absolutely radiant smile as she grabs your hand, izuku taking hold of your other side for them to both drag you away to some part of the school you're not familiar with. The warmth of their hands in yours leaves you in shock, though, and your mind blanks a little when you feel the greenette squeeze it reassuringly, a tiny, pale blush creeping into your cheeks. This feeling, it was something you wanted to feel every day. It's so warm and comforting.

[emo-trash88]

Hello hello my darling!! (/P)

How are you,good? I hope you are!

I was scrolling through for some hazbin-writing blogs and saw that you were,but didn't have any works yet!

"preposterous!" I told myself! "Such a charming blog without any writing? Allow me!"

And here I am! Nina or Weewoo,you may call me!

Now that my big flamboyant intro is done (i do this all the time for my fun,don't mind it-),May you indulge me in some nice platonic headcanons? (If you do those! If not,a single oneshot would be swell!!)

You see,the self-proclaimed platonic asker is thirsty for some platonic!

Anyways,you're probably getting bored,so allow me!

May I please have a platonic! Vox/Husk/Alastor/Lucifer/ anyone you wish to write for (I honestly don't mind anyone,just pick peoplef from Hazbin you feel you want to write for! You can put as many as you want!) with a gn!child!reader (my favorite/p) that's really sweet (even a bit of a pushover) but has a really bad argument with their parent (the characters) for x reason (maybe because the child is too kind?) and runs away for some air,but later,as the characters were looking for them because they're worried or we're forced to (ahem,Vox and Alastor,AHEM) the character finds them all injured and crying somewhere because it's hell and there are bad people there? How would the characters react? Would they do something?

I think that's all for me!

I hope you enjoy writing this dearie! Don't forget to drink,eat and have rest!

Stay proud darling!

-Nina <33

Omg, I really hope you end up enjoying this! I actually really like this idea, and I live for platonic relationships. Also! Feel free to request whenever, I really need something to do with my life 😭

Vox, Husk, Alastor and Lucifer x Child! Reader

THIS IS STRICTLY PLATONIC AND SHOULD ONLY BE TAKEN AS SUCH

Pronouns: Second person, gender neutral

Tw: Arguing, Vox and Alastor (Yes they are warnings), general Hazbin Hotel-ness

Vox -

- In all honesty, I'm so sorry you ended up with this man 😭

- But (as many of us know) he is not a nice person, if anything he's more so the opposite. He would probably take away your toys just to see you cry.

- However, he is very good at faking it, which makes him a very confusing person to be around.

- The argument most likely starts because you end up being too sweet and it ends up pissing him off. He'd probably try to be passive aggressive or ignore it until it makes him so mad he just yells.

- He seems like the kind of guy to be like "Well thats how I was raised." And just see nothing wrong with it. But after seeing you be so upset after the argument, a small part of his almost nonexistent humanity feels bad.

- Considering how busy he is, he probably wouldn't notice you were missing for a good while. Even after he does, he doesn't go after you himself, he sends one of his workers to get you.

- Once he does find you injured, he's undoubtedly mad. Not exactly because he cares too much for your wellbeing, but because he considers you a pet of some sort, and people should know better than to hurt his pet.

- Doesn't really learn much from the experience, however does avoid bringing up the topic of you being too kind simply because another argument like that could provide similar outcomes

- In all, probably the worst of them all generally. (Can you tell who my least favorite is?)

Husk -

- Honestly, he's not that bad of a caretaker, and it's primarily because he has strong morals and tries to teach you that as well.

- However, because of that, he views your kindness as a kind of weakness that needs to be fixed. Which is almost exactly what he tries to do.

- He attempts several times to make you "stronger" and less kind to protect you. He obviously has good intentions but goes the wrong way about it.

- This obviously results in an argument where he refuses to admit that he was incorrect which leads you to try and chill yourself out by going on a walk. He would probably be too heated to even really care about you walking out. That is until later.

- After you eventually don't come back for awhile he does become anxious, but he knows that he taught you to take care of yourself and that you'll be fine.

- Once you do come back he feels hella guilty, nit only for letting you walk away, but arguing with you in general. He resorts to trying to help clean your wounds and provide you with the best comfort he can (which honestly is not a lot but it's the thought that counts)

- He does let up on you having to be less nice, it does get brought up ever so often, but after a few minutes he just lets it go.

Alastor -

- This man is a little special brained, as in he is extremely apathetic to the point where he doesn't comprehend you being kind aside from it being for ulterior motives.

- Which honestly makes sense if you think about how he acts, so it's not like it's a baseless accusation. But after he's taken you under his wing and is trying to teach you he feels almost undermined by you constantly being kind.

- This obviously turns into an argument (more like you being defensive and him just accusing), and you eventually give up and go on a walk.

- He considers this an admission of guilt and doesn't go after you or anything and just lets you do your own thing until you apologize to him.

- When you do eventually show back up to the hotel, he does tend to your wounds, but he approaches you with condescension until you eventually apologize purely out of exhaustion.

- He doesn't really feel any guilt towards it, and will definitely ice you out until you stop being so "manipulative".

Lucifer -

- Now Lucifer himself is at least a people pleaser, so he understands the feeling and actions that you do take.

- However, having seen his daughter take similar strides that he had in the sense of caring for others, he ends up worrying about you being used for others benefit, especially in a place like hell.

- This kinda causes him to try and course correct aggressively, deciding that if he were to act more cold it would rub off on you and work (surprise surprise, it didn't).

- It just turns into you getting upset and while trying to have a serious conversation about the issues (or as serious a discussion that a child can have), he tries to keep up the cold facade.

- This just upsets you more and you end up going on a walk to clear your mind, and that makes him feel terrible.

- He contemplates running after you but decides that it's for the best, it could even help you with being so kind.

- Well that whole thought process changes once you don't come back for too long. He almost turns the entirety of hell upside down just to find you.

- He finds you just as your assaulters are leaving, and let's just say they don't leave in one singular piece.

- After that the guilt almost eats him alive. He feels terrible for not only letting this happen to you, but that he also caused this whole mess. He takes you back to your home and helps clean your wounds (He 100% uses hello kitty bandages).

- He tries reaching out to other people to try and find better ways to teach you more about boundaries and everything just to keep you safe, and takes almost all the advice to heart.

This took less time than I anticipated, but I feel like it turned out good nonetheless. I hope you enjoyed it and have an astounding day!

[secret-subject]

How does it feel like to be hypnotized?

I find this question to be a hard one to answer. Loaded with subjection and people get very hung up on the details sometimes. It's funny because everyone experiences it differently, we know this. Everyone is different and responds to different things and ways to play with hypnosis. But what I also find interesting is how trance can feel different:

With different people

On different days

At different times

Let me explain.

So lately I've gotten back into listening to files, (recs later if you ask nicely) because after getting on medication for depression back in 2019 it felt weird to be hypnotized myself and I didn't really need it as much as I had previously. Now I've been off those meds for a long time and am now on stuff for my adhd instead so I thought I would give it another try and, it feels very different. Pre-2019 trance for me felt like a mixture of "blacking out" and "being really drunk", everything got really hazy and I would just sort of fade into the void. I've had experiences which felt more like an out of body situation. I dissociated so hard I just wasn't in there anymore for a little while, I had others that were just light and I could easily come up at anytime and chose not to. Because of my general training I was very easy, super suggestible and with the right people a lot of fun apparently. It has never been super consistent and it took years of dedicated practice to be like this. I think a lot of the time when people would see me hypnotized before people would assume that's just how I am, but I've been doing this stuff for years to get any result. Especially in skills like amnesia, body catelepsy, and even getting thoughts out of my brain and basic in and out of trance, getting "deeper" each time. But coming back with a proper diagnosis on my neurodivergence and the right meds changed the feelings I used to have ans has evolved them.

So right now, I've noticed a few things. The trance is less consistent and this is good? It's good because it tells me that well the conditioning is now less "overall brain is getting more sticky" like it would before and now "brain is very much more sticky but only for the ones who put work in or who I listen to a lot". I have a bit of a voice thing and I'm very picky so this works out when now adays I tend to also listen to my hypnosis creators friends work, it's easier and it could also be a rapport thing. I know them so I know that I can trust them to be safe and also I know I can back out when I need to. I've also worked a TON on subject agency since when I was younger I was very much a pushover when it came to hypnosis. Being a dominant full time now for the last three years after my switch era helped with this. I've gotten very good at saying no and highly recommend this is a skill we all learn, even though it can be a hard one to get started with. So yes, I know I can wake up any time (with most people) but I just don't want to. So when I'm listening to files I now notice the different people feel different. Some I find more relaxing, others I find more of that focus depending on what they say and how targeted the audio seems to be at me and my brains working mechanisms. If you tell me to "focus" and "listen" it's like a switch goes off in my brain and I'm there, versus a more permissive, relaxing vibe which tends to take more time to really get to me. This also changes on a day to day basis, but I think it's like compounding conditioning that clearly is building over time with practicing and training to certain voices.

The feeling started as what is very similar to my hyperfocus mode I go into on the daily with my adhd. It's intensely focused to the point where nothing else matters, and sometimes my eyes don't close on their own and almost wait to be told to "drop" or to close them on instinct. I'm very bad at relaxing into trance. I now notice my body flopping (being so relaxed I just flop over somewhere) a bit like it used to but not all the time. Sometimes this feeling is more like I'm frozen in place. I've even dropped into trance holding my phone lately and when I woke up i was still holding it in perfect place or practiced sitting up in trance, it's like a freeze trigger no one had to impliment. I've learned I can be just as "deep" of not "deeper" with my eyes open and in a sort of mid/waking trance state. I also noticed sometimes my eyes do still roll, so that's kind of cute.

Yesterday, I had a really intense trance experience, probably the most intense I've ever had in 12 years of doing this. It was literally seconds of it, the words happened and they hit me, my eyes were open the whole time but super blurred and I couldn't see anything clearly. I just sat there but it literally felt like a giant wave of pressure hit me and I was just in it. This insanely incredible force washed through me and I just went down so fast I didn't have time to think about it and it was just a couple words. It was like being just frozen in time with the pressure encapsulating you and it wouldn't let go. Normally I would have forgotten this (because my memory play is very well trained and I have a brain like a sieve because adhd) but I could remember it clearly, the feeling I mean, the stuff outside of how I felt is very blurry. I don't know or am able to remember what was said to do it, it just was and that was very interesting to know that in my years of doing hypnosis from both sides, that these feelings are still evolving for me.

Anyway, what does trance feel like for you? Does it change for you? And what kind of practice are you doing to get those feelings? I'd love to hear from people!