#what's the controller for and do people still use it? I don't know

[stxrvel]

the one where i said fuck you and you cried (3)

series summary. the holy grail of the seven men who ruled the country's entertainment used to be your friends at school. now, ten years later and between successes and failures, what reason would they have to want to come back into your life? pairing. eventually ot7 x f!reader. content. first of all, english is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes! a lot of curse words, a lot of self-deprecation and low self esteem. no proofread. this is nawt silly writing, we're diving right into the aNgSt. jumpscare? iykyk a/n. hi guys! this was a rollercoaster for me to write, but i hope it doesn't come as harsh as i think it is. pls let me know what you think in the comments!! see you next week!!

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You had gone through a scenario like that in your head several times. A variety of moments, conversations and looks that always ended in the same unpleasant, inevitable and demoralizing way: you were forgotten by the people you loved most in the world. Only when you reached 18 would you realize how heartbreaking the dull thud of the silence of indifference was, how sharp and icy the loneliness was, how it penetrated and paralyzed your bones; but at that time, at 16, you could still convince yourself that all those things were only in your head and would always be there.

“Now that you're the last to go, you guys are much more likely to forget about me.”

“Of course not! In fact, as soon as I start earning money I'll save up to take you with us.”

Jungkook shook his head, his narrowed eyes judging you as if having insecurities was a sin. You believed his words at that moment, because being the last one still with you, 'cause you were going to graduate from school in the same year, it was the only thing you could do. Hold on to the idea that you really weren't going to be forgotten, because the mere conception of a future without your best friends was inconceivable.

“Jimin-hyung said he was going to try to call more often,” your friend went on, his eyes fixed on the bass on his lap and his important task of leaving it neat before returning it to its holy post in the school's music room. “I haven't talked to them in about three days.”

Jimin and Taehyung had left just a couple of months ago, but thanks to the opportunities opened to them with their incredible willingness, discipline and some string twitching on Namjoon's part, they had managed to get into a great academy to train and fulfill their dreams.

That also brought with it, as irreversible side effects, that your communication with them was drastically reduced. You had to constantly remind yourself and Jungkook that it was out of their control. With their future at stake, there was something for which they had to exert extreme effort and for which to sacrifice some other things.

“It's normal that they don't have as much time as they used to, Kookie.” You lowered your head, noticing the way his hands delicately handled the instrument on his legs. Since Jimin and Taehyung had left there was no time of day when you could tear yourself away from Jungkook, which is why you accompanied him to his extracurricular music lessons when you really should have been studying for the college entrance exam. “Life after school gets really hectic.”

“I've heard that college life is quieter.” Jungkook twisted his lips, wiping between the strings and his fingerprints left on the bass every time he moved it back and forth to clean it. It was an almost irresistible cycle.

“The only one at college right now is Seokjin and even about him we haven't heard much.” You leaned back against the piano, noticing Jungkook's movements pause for a moment as he surely reminisced about the few times he had been able to talk to Jin that month.

It had been two years since Seokjin had graduated and traveled all the way to the capital to study medicine. Needless to say, it was more than clear that communication with Jin would be almost nil from then on, but Jungkook always used to pout about it.

“It's just that Jin-hyung also chose a rather demanding career.” Jungkook twisted his lips, as if suppressing Jin in his head, waving the microfiber towel over the edges of the bass.

“And the others are trying too hard to carve their way through. It can be as complicated as going out to look for a job right after graduating.”

Jungkook nodded, admiring his cleaning job with a frown. He looked so focused that it caught you by surprise when he spoke again.

“You already know if you're going to college, noona? We're graduating this year.”

You blinked once, twice, three times. His nonchalant self went back to waving the towel over nonexistent smudges as you breathed in and decided not to go that route. “Will you?”

Jungkook raised his head, pausing his movements for a moment to try to analyze your gaze. With a sigh, he let out your poorly disguised way of shifting the focus of the conversation to get up and hang the instrument, glowing, on the wall of the music room.

“I don't know yet… Namjoon-hyung says he can help me.”

“Isn't it your dream, why do you doubt it?”

“I'm not sure, noona. What if I don't measure up? What if I fail?”

When your friend turned away, the mirror to his soul showed his vulnerability dancing on the edge of his eyelids. His distrust constricted your heart, a hand closing around your throat at the inner conflicts you knew Jungkook used to have and in the face of which you often couldn't do anything about because he didn't usually share such things.

“Then you try again.”

“Noona…” Jungkook wanted to grumble, it was obvious from the way his eyes moved to the ceiling, his head cocking as if he was about to give you a big life lesson on why you can't survive on motivational phrases.

But Jungkook was a softie about such things, even if he tried to hide it.

“Jungkook, you are literally a golden promise. No process is ever easy, especially in the industry you want to get into, but don't think for a second that you're going to outgrow it. You're one of the most capable people I've ever met.”

Your friend stopped his steps, when after hanging up the bass he was returning to your post in front of you, raising his head as if caught committing a prank. But the vulnerability in his eyes remained, and by the way they shone in the dim light of the room, still blinking to try to contain the emotion, you knew your words had tugged at just that thorn in his heart you were trying to pull out.

“Thank you, noona.”

“I'm just telling the truth.” You lifted a shoulder, shaking your head nonchalantly like it was no big deal, and Jungkook just let out an amused chuckle.

“You do know we'd never forget about you, right? How could we?”

-

“How could we?”

Yuna shook her head, frowning at her phone, oblivious to the way you cringed at her choice of words.

“She's bringing celebrities into the store and she want us to leave? Don't we work so well that we always take the top employee of the month spot even though it should only be held by one person? Don't we deserve that gift?”

You watched her, marveling at how after just a few seconds so many emotions could build up into an overwhelming knot in your chest. The old notes of an old piano played in the back of your head, bringing to the surface memories of when life was easier; when you thought you had it all and nothing would ever be better than that; when you thought you were enough.

“So what do you plan to do about it?” you blinked, focusing on the notation of bills in your notebook with an invisible hand squeezing your heart.

There was no use thinking about such things after so long.

Yuna pursed her lips, her expression serious and forceful. “I think we should have a sit-in.”

“We should? That sounds like more than one person.”

“Do you disagree with me?”

“I'm happy with going home early, especially on a Friday, you know?”

“y/n,” Yuna came up to your face over the cash register display case, her forearms resting on the glass and her eyes so bright with determination you were sure her head could light the whole store on fire the way she was scheming and scheming, running around like her life depended on it, “we could be close to meeting the seven gods of Olympus, and you think the best thing to do is go home?”

“Just in case you forgot, I have a business to run now.” You reminded her, moving to poke her with your middle finger all over her forehead and push her away from the cash register now that a new customer had come in.

“What business should a business matter when you could meet the reason for existence itself?”

Yuna dropped onto the display case, her body sliding like jelly until only her head was left on the glass. You and the new customer watched her, her arms limp at her sides and her gaze lost. A lone tear running down the bridge of her nose.

“God, you're so dramatic.”

“Does that mean yes?” Her head snapped up like a spring, a big smile scaring the soul out of the customer who ducked behind your friend to run for their order.

“No and stop acting like that, you're going to scare away customers.”

Yuna whined, her exaggerated tantrum leading you to wiggle your feet all the way to the cellar.

“I'm offering you the holy grail, and this is how you pay me?”

The sound of her feet shuffling behind you kept your head sane. Even though his insinuations were baseless, your heart was pounding so hard you felt your ribs throbbing through your muscles and skin.

Your boss had written to Yuna that you two could leave the store early today because she had a private meeting to attend. She asked them to leave everything to Patrick, including clearing the store of customers and not to worry about paying for the shift, because there would be no discount at the end of the month. Yuna was faithfully and blindly convinced that your boss really wanted you to stay, because she spent almost ten minutes with her eyes glued to the screen almost without blinking, watching the 'typing…' appear and disappear under your boss's contact name. 'I'm sure she's debating how much confidence she has in us…', she said as her red eyes missed no detail of that important chat and that primordial moment, ending in an offended 'none!' when her last message came through.

In the same way, Yuna convinced herself that the meeting that would take place in the same place where your feet were planted was going to be attended by the seven entertainment kings of the country. The unmentionables, for all practical purposes. Where had she come to that conclusion? There was no foundation. Had your boss given any hints? None. Yuna had her head in the clouds believing she could meet her idols if she insisted a little longer.

“Would you really prefer to stand your friend up to meet seven men you don't even know for sure will show up here?”

“Well…if you put it that way it sounds like I'm doing something wrong.”

“Mmm, you just figured that out?”

Yuna dropped her shoulders as you took off your apron. Her tactics weren't going to work and it was time to give up. She half-heartedly opened her locker and stood looking at you with puppy dog eyes. You felt as guilty as if you had stepped on her tail by accident.

“Look, if I'm being honest, I doubt gigantically that Sol will tell you that you can stay if you ask her.”

“Not even for everything we've been through together?”

“She's still our boss, Yuna.”

Your friend mimicked your actions with a slower speed, her emotion draining away little by little. When her head cocked to the side, halfway through taking off her apron, you only sighed.

“The worst that can happen is I get fired, right?”

You weren't surprised that she was nevertheless willing to cross that line.

“That doesn't sound like much to you?”

“I can always write her a 'ha, ha, just joking' afterwards and get out of harm's way.”

You didn't contain the irresistible urge to roll your eyes and Yuna took that as her own signal or green light. Next thing you knew she was pulling out her phone and typing animatedly on the screen.

“I really don't think you should do that.”

“I have to try! Can I call myself a good fan if I don't do even the impossible?”

“You don't even know if they'll come.”

“I have a hunch.”

With her hand over her heart, Yuna sent the message and you feared for her life. While Sol was not at all close to the idea and conceptualization of a crazy and ruthlessly demanding boss, she did draw the line at several specific situations that they had both learned to respect. One of those was, of course, private meetings at her place. You and Yuna had set up the place countless times for Sol to sit quietly and chat with her most famous acquaintances, because her office was too formal to deal with them there, but her own home was extremely informal for the same purpose. The cafeteria served as a middle ground, the perfect place to be comfortable when talking business.

“Patrick is coming.” Yuna spoke again and by the way her eyes didn't leave the screen you could tell Sol hadn't responded yet.

“I wish you the best of luck, Yuna.”

“Thank you! Coming from you it's a blessing, indeed.”

“And why's that?”

You finally stood up, closing your locker with your strap bag over your right shoulder. You were ready to leave while your friend was still biting her index fingernail waiting for an almost impossible and inconceivable message from her boss.

“What else can I expect from the writer who blew up overnight and is soon going to be one of the New York Times bestsellers and famous worldwide?”

“Ah,” you turned your head, unable to contain inwardly the way a warmth settled in your chest; you still had a hard time accepting how things had turned out, but as long as you couldn't control the influx of orders that had to take a back seat, “smooth.”

Yuna smiled and when her eyes met yours you swore she was about to tell you one more time how proud she was of you, but her phone vibrated in her hands and the last thing you saw her eyes widen exaggeratedly before her scream shook the foundations of the store and almost the entire city.

“SHE SAID YES!!!!”

-

Arriving home unleashed immeasurable chaos.

As soon as you opened the front door, a river of books fell like dominoes, with your father's groans and your mother's screams in the background, the sound of your work echoing in your head like lightning as stomping echoed through the house.

“Seojun, I told you to be careful walking…!”The angry expression on your mother's face disappeared the moment she recognized your face, her features softening as she knew it was her daughter. “Honey. What are you doing here so early?”

“Is that y/n?” your dad's exclamation rang out from the kitchen.

“Yes!” your mom yelled back.

The welcome was nice, but things only got more and more tedious from then on. On the one hand, you had your father telling you about accounts, numbers and multiplications of how much you had to take out of your pocket to pay for the prints, how much you would make if you sold all the books you had printed and how much you would get back, and on the other hand you had your mother telling you about the countless publishers who had written to your dm's seeking to sponsor the sale of your books, taking advantage of the boom that had been generated by the phenomenon that was Kim Taehyung.

Seojun, who had decided to move back home for the weekend to help with whatever was needed, was telling you that they had had to hire five different deliverymen -three of them trucks- to be able to deliver as many orders a day as possible, while vehemently hitting your father's forearm to remind him to include that in the accounts.

Your father was in charge of everything related to money, your mother of the direct communication with customers and Seojun of the orders; everything was done by them, with Yuna's help when she was not working, with the excuse that after so many years you just had to sit down and enjoy the fruit of your sowing without any worries.

But at that moment, when they had just let go and thrown all their worries at your feet, they stared at you expectantly.

"We need a loan."

Your mother jumped in her chair. "That's what I said!"

"That's not necessary." Your father shook his head, as he surely would have done when your mother suggested the idea judging by the expression that had planted itself on her face. "Take a loan from my wallet, but don't do business with those bankers. They'll gouge your eyes out with interest."

"Or take a publisher's offer. They'll take care of all this." Seojun pointed out, his long black hair brushing his eyebrows even though he shook it nonchalantly so he could get a good look at the three of them.

"Publishers can be freeloaders too." Your mother counter-argued, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Oh, yeah? How many publishers have you signed on with to assert that?"

"Wow, careful with that tone, Mr. Lawyer." Your father pointed at your brother, while your mother only raised an eyebrow at him in response. Seojun sank into the chair, barely dragging an apology through his teeth.

"It's not a bad idea either, Dad."

His brown eyes returned to meet your gaze and you noticed the hesitation in them.

"Well, ultimately, it's your decision, honey."

Your mother squeezed your shoulder.

"I say we should listen to the lawyer."

"Hey!" Seojun frowned, straightening up on the chair. "Don't put such a big responsibility on me!"

Your father snorted. "But then weren't you comfortable a while ago giving orders and saying that I don't know what thing you had already seen it in class and that's why you knew what we had to do?"

"Dad…" Seojun elongated.

"Are you ready for such a position or not, Seojun? Tell me to start looking for another lawyer."

Your mother barely contained her laughter, only because of the offended sideways glance her own son sent her way. Laughter blossomed in your chest, too, like a big breath of fresh air in a field of flowers. You didn't know you needed that moment so badly until the tension disappeared from your shoulders as you laughed with your parents and your brother grumbled with his arms crossed.

-

A new batch of orders just went out - thank you so much for your purchases!

You looked at the story your mom had uploaded to Instagram in the solitude of your bedroom. The rest of the day was spent strategizing and planning marketing ideas that would likely lead you to ruin. In a defeated silence, you admitted that Yuna was really needed.

You had texted your friend a while ago, as the sunset was beginning to paint the sky with colors, but she still hadn't even checked her phone. Her last connection was a few minutes after you left at noon. You decided not to insist, even though you were a little curious about who had finally shown up at the store.

The best thing about that busy rest of the afternoon was that you'd been able to keep yourself busy enough to completely ignore the way you'd been whipped up by a few memories that morning in Yuna's company. A simple question had caused all that. And of course, with a heart as weak as a chick's and willpower almost non-existent, you let yourself be pulled right in that moment of loneliness into the well of memories.

“Jungkookie?”

Your voice pierced the silence and a shiver ran through your body as the darkness greeted you back. A few minutes passed after you plunged into the completely darkened room, walking tentatively and slowly inside, you heard a movement just outside the door you had just entered.

“Noona…”

You couldn't see him, but you didn't need to. The sobs that filled the room were enough to be able to guide you through that darkness, as indistinguishable as coal, and wrap your arms around his hunched figure on the floor beside the door.

The house was alone and as dark as that room the last night Jungkook would be there. Passing through the empty corridors of his house was a torment, but you could only imagine how your friend would feel in his place, unable to stop time as it slipped through his fingers.

Several times he had already told you that he didn't want to leave. You didn't think he meant it.

“They're waiting for you downstairs.”

“I know. I don't want to go, noona.” Jungkook moved his arms to wrap around your waist in a desperate grip, his erratic breathing against your neck breaking your heart. “I want to stay. It doesn't matter if I never become an idol. That's not important.”

“Jungkook…”

“I don't want to leave you…”

His halting voice was barely understandable, trying to be muffled by the jacket you were wearing that night when you went to see him off and didn't find him in the car with his parents. The heater seemed not to be a worthy opponent for that cold night.

“Jungkook, you're not going to leave me. We'll keep in touch. Why do you worry so much?”

“I don't want to be like them,” his pained voice pierced your chest; the movement of his body from the way the sobs were attacking him was almost uncontainable. “I don't want this distance.”

“Change is always hard, Jungkookie, but I promise you we'll be in touch always. I'll do my best to make it so.”

“Really?”

“Of course. I'll even come visit you as soon as I can.”

“No. I said I was going to pay for your trip.”

“See? You're not going to leave me.”

“Still I'm scared, noona. What if I'm not enough for them? What if I can't raise enough for you to come live with us?”

“You are enough, Jungkook. From the tips of your fingers to the tips of your hair, there's nothing about you that won't allow you to achieve your dreams, understand? You are destined to be a star. I know it's hard to leave behind everything you know in life, but believe me it will all be worth it. You will come out on top and you will succeed.”

“Noona…” Jungkook cried again, burying his face in your neck once more, clinging to you like the anchor that carried him to the surface of the ocean; the ocean shaped by his own tears. “I… don't… want… to… go…”

The hiccups that attacked him from his intense crying made it difficult for him to speak and you hadn't felt such pain even when the other boys left. There were tears shared, promises whispered and hugs that lasted longer than they should have, but no one had clung to your body as if they feared you were going to disappear at any moment and wanted to seize every second before the impending end.

“It's okay, Jungkookie,” you ran your hands up and down his back trying to calm his crying, trying to control your own as treacherous tears rolled down your cheeks with the darkness as your witness. “We'll meet again. You can wait for me. Then we can melt into another embrace and say how much we miss each other.”

Your phone vibrated on the bed, the notification startling you with its aggressiveness. Another vibration followed that one and then another. Turning on the screen, you found that half an hour had passed since you'd last seen the clock, and in passing you came across Yuna's name on the caller ID. You sighed, remembering the effusiveness with which she said goodbye in the afternoon and mentally preparing yourself for what was to come.

"Hey," you greeted, mildly surprised that her exclamations hadn't reached your ear first to interrupt your greeting.

"y/n, how were sales today?" her calm voice filled your hearing and a slight wrinkle implanted itself between your brows.

"Mmm, it was all good. We have several domiciliary and the prints are coming out with the deadlines arranged. With Seojun we considered that maybe taking on a publisher wouldn't be so bad, but I'm not sure yet."

You narrowed your eyes at the ceiling, shallowly biting your nails, waiting for the moment when Yuna would burst out, but it didn't come.

"Oh, yeah. We'll have to consider that. I'll go early tomorrow morning to seize the day." Yuna answered quietly, with the faint sound of things stirring in the background of the call. Surely she had just arrived at her apartment.

"Yuna?"

"Mhm?"

"How was the afternoon?"

"Oh, it was normal, really," she replied, her voice flat, as if the thought had barely crossed her mind since the moment she'd left the coffee shop. "I didn't see anyone memorable."

"Ah, so your knights in shining armor didn't attend?"

"Sadly, no." Yuna sighed, her unchanging attitude finding a little more sense in your head. She sounded more tired than anything.

You talked a bit more with Yuna before she excused herself to go about her evening routine and finally get some rest, specifically stressing to you how boring the whole afternoon had been and how every second she only thought about going home. You also told her a bit more about the ideas you and your father had half-heartedly spun as marketing strategies, but very earnestly your friend asked you not to do anything until she was there.

When her name disappeared from your caller ID, an Instagram notification popped up at the top of your home screen. The vibration felt like the pounding of a sledgehammer against wood, your sentence handed down with no chance of appeal, the blood in your veins freezing and an endless emptiness in the pit of your stomach.

jeonjungkook97 just followed you!

It was followed by the notification of a message from Yuna.

Unnie | 19:01 holy shit. jungkook just followed you on ig, right?

No fucking way. Another fucking account to block.

-

It wasn't like you couldn't deal with them. You had been doing it for about ten years. But now they just seemed to want to throw themselves in front of your face one by one and you weren't strong enough to handle that. Maybe your resolve needed to be more forceful; maybe you should be sure you hated them instead of feeling like your body was shaking and you could melt like jelly in the sun every time you felt they were one step closer to you. For a while, that was all you wanted; to find them; to be found. But now…?

The weekend was spent in a hodgepodge of managing your book sales and the seesaw of emotions you had in the face of the estranged but impactful actions of your old friends. You tried not to think about it too much; you really tried, but it was very difficult. It was easier to let the memories wash over you instead of diligently packing up the books on which you had squandered your blood and tears.

Your books, yes, that was the most important thing.

From the posts and hashtags, even though it had only been a couple of days, you could see that some people -those who had actually read the books- were already posting their opinions and reviews and you knew you had had plenty of time to prepare for that moment, but you really weren't ready to face it. You didn't know what it was; whether it was the pollen, the aligned planets, PMS, mercury retrograde… but all of those things were weighing you down too much recently and you weren't ready to hear the opinions.

And you couldn't help but keep asking yourself why? Having spent so much time, between so many experiences and so many personal changes, why now they decided that they would come back into your life? How dare they after ruining your life by completely abandoning you? Many times you wondered what was missing in you; what was never enough for them… sometimes you believed that this was how it was meant to be; just the seven of them, before you came along. It was always them seven first, then you.

Between lows and highs, between sadness and joy, you still had to keep working.

"Get rid of that face if you're not going to tell me what's wrong with you." Yuna crossed the cafeteria in front of you, picking up some glasses and plates on the table as lunchtime approached.

"I don't have any face."

"You've been in a somber mood since Saturday. You look dead."

You clicked your tongue, taking advantage of the fact that the store was nearly empty to do the math. "Don't be over the top."

"I'm just being honest and genuinely concerned about my friend, can you blame me?" Yuna reached the sink and simply left the dishes there to approach the cash register. Your eyes refused to meet hers, unsheathing a strange annoyance in the pit of your stomach.

"I'm fine," you moved the money automatically, doing the math in the back of your head as second nature, "don't worry so much."

"Ok, if you don't want to tell me about it at least try to distract yourself a little, why don't you take an extra half hour for lunch?"

"You know I can't do that."

"Sol would never know."

"I'm not going to do that."

Yuna pouted, dropping her chin onto the back of her hand. You knew she was about to fly you out of that chair the moment all the bills were safeguarded.

A whiplash of pain shot through your chest at the alternative of having to leave the cafeteria, alone, hovering with your thoughts once again, as you tried to shove the food down your throat. But Yuna happily dragged you out of the cafeteria, leaving you in the middle of the street with your little bag and lunch money, wishing you a happy break as she wandered off once more to deal with the sparse crowd of customers alone.

Maybe you should have told her you'd rather not eat than be alone, but…

That was the story of your life.

So you walked to that restaurant a couple of blocks away, where they sold the cheapest food in the area, and waited patiently while answering Yuna's messages to clear your mind.

Going through your social networks, you once again came across the cover of your books in the pre-viewing of a video and felt the bile in your throat. Let's see, you were happy. Or well, you were trying to convince yourself because you still had that bitter feeling in the pit of your stomach that wouldn't let you enjoy this blast like you should and it had a first and last name of its own. But, generally speaking, it was great that your books were selling, forgetting all the other circumstances that led to that happening.

So, standing in front of those videos, you were tormented by not being able to watch them. A self-published author should be prepared for that kind of thing. No, any author should be. Sharing your art with the world implicitly entailed confronting the world's expression in front of it. It was inevitable, of course, and it was also the energy that could start an engine or the fingers that put out the match. At that precise moment, you still didn't want to know what your destiny was.

You hated that. You hated feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. Why was life so heavy if you had just begun to live it?

Ah, too much pondering for one lunch.

And to think this all started with an Instagram story.

Having an existential crisis because you couldn't stand dealing with the stress and pressure of the extreme demand you were having and because of mixed feelings for a bunch of idiots resurfacing after so many years was one of the last things you thought you'd have to go through that year. Fuck, or ever in your entire life.

Taehyung might have done you a favor as well as a disservice.

But that's how you spent a while longer, as you walked back to the coffee shop, the noise of the city not being enough to quell the bustle of thoughts crashing against each other in your head.

Being in the eye of the hurricane, however, didn't mean you were safe. You barely had a breath of fresh air before the eyewall hit you hard once again.

"Noona…?"

You froze a few steps away from the cafeteria. You feared not only the way you immediately recognized the voice, but the way your body froze, fear, panic and uncertainty clouding your sense.

You were in the alley behind the coffee shop. You didn't usually go in that way, but you had taken a slightly longer way back, only because you were too busy thinking about whether or not your body was up to a longer walk.

You were so close to the door that you could almost hear Yuna's voice on the other side, barely muffled by the beeping that echoed in your ears as panic took over your body.

You didn't want to turn around. Your body was having every possible negative reaction, as if it was fighting an infection, the lunch you had just shoved down your throat seeking to make its way back into your mouth and the feeling of dizziness momentarily clouded you.

Was this how you planned to react if you ever saw them again? Was this how you acted out the scenarios you imagined in your head at night when your memories went back to the last time you saw them?

The only difference between those imaginings and what was happening at that moment was that before you could prepare yourself; you knew what was coming; you had control. Now? Your legs were about to give out, the weight of your body too much to bear.

And you wanted to mock the pathetic behavior you were engaging in. You should turn around, slap him and scream at him that you never wanted to see him again. But your heart was beating and feeling and… how could you deny it anything after so many years of being neglected?

But maybe you were imagining it. The little sleep you had this weekend and all the memories you dragged from the trunk since you saw that Instagram notification must have made you crazy enough that you heard voices, his voice, anywhere… you were still near a busy street, it could be anyone-

"y/n."

And, yet…

You didn't turn around knowing what it would entail to give his voice a face, even though you could madly and frankly recall every line of its length, and you spoke harshly through your teeth even though your labored breathing made your chest heave.

"What are you doing here?"

"Noona… you're really here."

You cringed as you heard his footsteps and clutched with inhuman speed at the lock on the door in front of you.

"I asked you a fucking question: what the fuck do you think you're doing here?"

The silence didn't give you an answer, but you could glimpse it. With your patience on edge and years of emotional repression it was impossible for you to deduce how you would react in such a case, but it didn't seem too far-fetched, even if Jungkook's surprised inspiration said he didn't expect you to be so harsh and rude.

As if you cared.

—Yes you did care, in fact, that's why your heart was beating wildly against your ribs, the choking sensation increasing, the nerves on edge and the tears all over the corners of your eyes, but you had to stand your ground. After so, so long… why, why, why, why?—

"I… I…" Jungkook seemed to be having trouble finding his voice, even though in his profession the words came melodiously and easily out of his mouth. If you turned to look at him, you might have noticed that his face went from happiness to anguish with the speed a bullet goes through a field, "I wanted to see you…"

He sounded so small. The five-foot-ten-plus man, who you're sure was almost a head and a half taller than you, might as well have been a badly wounded puppy behind you. You knew from the way he spoke that he was holding back tears, but you didn't let that sway you. He didn't deserve it.

"Who gave you the right to come here?"

You didn't let him answer, not knowing if he was even going to, tightening the lock on the door you were about to walk through at any moment, bile in your throat making you fear the fall as if you were at the top of a skyscraper.

"How the fuck did you even find me?"

"Well, I-"

"I don't fucking want to know!"

You cut him off, the dryness and venom in your voice making you tremble. You were so sad, so distraught and so angry at the same time.

"And I don't want to see you. So leave."

"Noona…"

"Fucking leave, Jeon, for fuck's sake!"

You moved, almost as if by inertia, opening the door and slamming it behind you, the noise so deafening that it echoed in your ears for several seconds until you heard Yuna's footsteps approaching you and felt her arms wrap around your body.

You didn't know what she was saying, you just leaned against the door and let yourself fall, your body shaking in cry after uncontrollable cry, truly wondering how everything had gone so far; wondering how, after so many years, you still allowed them to have that power over you; a power they didn't deserve and shouldn't have.

You felt shattered in that moment, every piece of you scattered in the hold, every moment of your life replaying on its glassy, sharp edges. Even with half of you staying afloat, Yuna held you until the tears stopped flowing and with renewed resolve you promised yourself that this was never going to happen again.

Jungkook had taken you by surprise, but from now on none of them would ever catch you off guard.

-

a/n: i dont really know what to think about this chap. sometimes i like it sometimes i dont. i guess thats just how it works. pls letme know what you think! thank u for all the support! <3

tag: @rinkud @futuristicenemychaos @pastelpeachess @parapiop7 @kokoandkookie @midiplier @thunderg @lizzymizzy-blogg @ladymorrie @butnotmontana @lovelgirl22 @jjeonjjk7 @aurorathi @ot7stansthings @kunacat @borahaetelevision @mylovingstars @ghostlyworld @talyaaas-blog @slowlyshycomputer @jjk174 @maynina @saintomie @damn-u-min-yoongi @juju-227592 @yoongznme @queenbloody @leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesworld @zippaur @v4ksk4tz @kookierry @idk179634 @canarystwin @elliott-calls @devilzliaison

[hail-the-veil]

You don't mind of a request for enemies to lovers smut of raphael from baldur gate 3 that trying to make a deal with the male reader due the situation of the absolute that worn down the male reader mind of saving the city along with annoying the male reader due to enjoying the reaction from the male reader with his theatricality self of poems. As raphael was visiting the male reader when they are alone to bother the male reader to only get off guard by the Planar Binding scroll that was used against him from the reader (sorry if my grammar is not great as yours but love your work <3)

HI THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FIRST REQUEST AND ALSO FOR READING MY WORK! your grammar is just fine love <3 not beta read, sorry for spelling and grammar errors.

Nsfw warning!!

DUB CON! porn without plot/ very little plot, mind control, gagging, face fucking, ass eating, cumming un-touch, tit sucking, dom/sub dynamic, mind break, mention of womb fucking and a bit of feminization (just a little :3) degradation, mean reader.

:3

“well met, I am raphael, at your service” he had said the first time that you met. 

Well to be fair, he didn't specify what service he had offered that day. 

You've been stuck in the city figuring out what exactly is your next plan. Stealing the netherstone? Selling your soul to the devil? God knows. With the parasite squirming in your head, you had very little time to think. You're not particularly fond of this theatrical loving devil. You've ventured from the Emerald Grove all the way to the city and raphael has never stopped bothering you with his poems, which is getting under your skin. All this talk about power and promises. How could ever trust a devil? But one thing you had noticed to change is how he tends to approach you when you're alone, with none of your comrade around. Sometimes it's not even about the contract, it's as if he's just trying to catch your attention. Well it certainly works now that you noticed it. 

Rummaging through the city with certain vendors, you found a scroll. A scroll of planar binding. ‘to attach one consciousness with yours, making it follow your command’ oh how useful indeed. 

As you reached the lower city, raphael had been actively making himself known, in lots of ways, trying to capture your attention with the same self righteous poem. To strike a deal. Just his pretty face alone would have convinced you, but he's the devil after all. Though you find it fascinating how the devil is so desperately trying to catch your attention. This whole cat and mouse chase is starting to get under your skin. Of course you're not trying to sell yourself here but will raphael ever give up? Probably not. 

It's time for your long rest, but you need to clear your head. To get some air. So you had to step out from the campground, somewhere quieter. Though the city noises still bustle in your eyes, it muffled a little. You needed this. Just some time to relax and- oh great. You recognized that aura. You sensed it at least, which raphael probably didn't know. 

there he was. Raphael in all his glory, with the same smug expression he held each time. You didn't even have to look back to know that. Poor raphael, he probably think he's stealthy with his attempts to yet again catch your attention. 

“what do you want, devil?” you asked before he could open his mouth. “such impatience” he countered with a sneered, that damn sneer. “have you gotten so used to my presence that you can sense it without looking? I'm quite flattered” he exclaimed. Which earns an eye roll from you. He flicked his finger, suddenly you're at the ever so familiar - house of hopes. Table neatly arranged with feast fits for more than 10 people before you. Raphael looks at you expectantly. “go ahead, have a taste. The feast is all for you” he said with rather a smug look, you looked at him with a little bit of curiosity but mostly annoyance. Oh he thinks he's so slick. “is this another one of your theatrics, raphael?” you questioned as your gaze shifted to the food set before you. “do i bore you?” he replied with a smirk as he approached. He had asked that question before, countless times. And that felt like your breaking point. You pulled out the scroll of planar binding from your pocket and cast it to the devil. Before he could react the spell already took its toll on his mind. 

Oh you're gonna enjoy this.

:3

The devil raphael himself is kneeling before you. Your cock in his pretty little mouth. As you comfortably sit on a luxurious chair. He was sloppy with his head but that's alright, anything to wipe that smug off his face. His tongue laps and tease your tip before taking it all in, gagging at the sensation, tears pooled in his eyes as he look at you with hypnotized eyes. Empty. Obedient. What a beautiful sight to behold. Raphael reduced to nothing and just worshipping your dick like a slut he is. As your tip hit the back of hs throat you can't help but rest you head back and let out a satisfied groan. "fuck.. Such a good fuckin slut you are.." you grunt. Which earned a moan from raphael and was muffled by your dick, his throat vibrating around your shaft.

You take a hold of his hair and had use his face like a fleshlight. Roughly thrust your cock in and out of his mouth, raphael without protest just took it all in. His eyes rolled back as you fuck his mouth as if he was nothing but another cheap whore to you. You felt unsatisfied though, the scene before you is arousing but you need to feel his mushy wall wrapped around your cock. Now.

You pushed him against the floor and made him laid in a position you love, head down ass up. As you impatiently stripped his pant and reach straight for his puckered hole.

Ironically, his inside taste like heaven. It was nothing you had taste before and it's addicting. The way his gummy walls clenched on your tongue and his moan more sinful than the whole hell combined. That didn't stop your tongue from teasing his rim and diving back in to taste his inside, his poor dick was left untouched. Red and swollen. You ignored it, his inside was million times better. When you knew his hole is ready, you aligned your cock with his puckered hole and thrust in one go. Raphael yelped and let out a soft cries. You moaned before bottoming out. You leaned down and bite on his ear. "such a good fucking pussy you have.." you panted as you thrust ".. Gonna fuck your womb so deep.." you whispered in his ear before thrusting in hard again. Raphael could on moaned your name as his eyes crossed and rolled back with tears.

You chuckled at the sight before latching your lips onto his perky nipples. What a sweet and refined taste. You sucked and bite onto his nipples as your pace grew faster. You held his hip in place and thrust one last time before cumming inside. You groaned and chuckled breathlessly. The scroll affect should died down by now, you thought. It passes it's time limit and yet you feel raphael's hip snap back against yours and grind on your pelvis. Your eyes widened a little.

"m- more.. Please" he whispered.

Oh what a shocker. You smirked and complied as you match the pace he set.

[originalaccountname]

Reread the hat bit in SB, i kind of wilfully ignored it protected him against mind control because that just seems so OP lol. Speaking of, what do you think could be Faunus’ ability that allowed him to create a life form and prevent mind control?

It's not against mind control of all kinds, it's specifically made to prevent outside input into the weird human coding situation that Chuuya and Verlaine were subjected to. You know, the erasing memories and setting up an activation phrase to unleash a singularity thing? The thing with which Professor N wanted to erase Chuuya's personality to have control over him again? The thing Pan (Faunus) was using to control Verlaine?

The hat's lining is made of the same kind of metal that was used to brainwash Verlaine into being Pan's guard dog. It's a bit unclear, but either the metal itself was ability-made, or Pan could use his ability on/through it. When N used it to force Verlaine to fully release Guivre, the rainbow metal powder was said to make a sound and move towards Verlaine.

From the gear made out of that ability metal that N had, it appears that the metal had something engraved on it, probably a command sequence to control Verlaine. It's possible Pan's ability is the solution to the question "but how do you even put code inside an organic body?!" Perhaps Pan's ability was, in fact, to "program" people through a special metal with data inscribed on it, and Project Arahabaki was able to use leftover metal from Pan's lab, much like Rimbaud did when he had the hat made:

So I don't think that's overpowered at all. It's directly dependant on them being currently wearing the hat, and only works regarding this specific kind of, possibly resource-limited, mind-control.

Verlaine used it to modify his condition to turn Brutalization off because, much like Chuuya, he's unable to turn it off himself as he is not conscious of what it happening:

It's also thanks to the hat's properties that Chuuya was able to activate Corruption, by slightly altering his own code, aka command sequence, to make it possible at all:

All that brings forth much more interesting questions, which are:

If Verlaine was able to program a condition to turn Brutalization off that, while still needing outside input, didn't require the nullification of his ability, does Chuuya really need Dazai to stop Corruption? Could he choose to create another condition independent of Dazai? Or does it only work between Verlaine and Chuuya because they both have that ability coding inside of them?

and

Did Chuuya permanently alter his condition to "open his gate" and activate Corruption at will, or does he ALWAYS need his hat in order to activate Corruption? If he wasn't wearing the hat, would he still have access to it?

Now THOSE are questions I need explored, because that's untapped potential for angst and drama and impossible situations.

[ek-atherine]

Ink Manifestation (Satoru Gojo x Reader)

A/N: Hello! I just wanted to post the first chapter that I finished of this that I'm starting, I don't know if I'll end up finishing it, but I just wanted to post it here to see how people like it. And if I can get any more writing ideas. This is written in first person POV btw, I know a lot of people don't love that writing style so just a warning now. Without further ado here is chapter one of Ink Manifestation.

Word Count: 3979

___________________________________________

Cursed technique: ink manifestation 

This technique revolves around the user being covered in extensive and complex tattoos that are embedded with cursed energy and can be activated at the will of the user. When activated the tattoos glow and the ink shifts out from their original place. When the ink leaves the spot a scar of what was there is left behind. 

Abilities: 

Creation and control: The user can manipulate the ink from their tattoos to create various objects and creatures. This includes weapons like swords, spears, and shields, or living creatures such as birds, snakes, and wolves. The creations are as strong as the user's cursed energy allows.

Range and versatility: the ink can be projected from the user's body extending their reach and allowing for versatile attacks. For example, ink tendrils can be used for long-range combat or to ensnare enemies. 

Hardening: the user can harden the ink to make it as hard as steel for both offensive and defensive capabilities. 

Shapeshifting: the ink can shift its form rapidly, which allows the user to adapt during combat. Can switch from a defensive shield to a spear in an instant. 

Cursed poison: the ink contains cursed energy that can poison enemies. When cut by the ink the cursed energy from it seeps into the body weakening them and disrupting their cursed energy flow. Prolonged exposure to this poison can lead to paralysis. 

Self-healing: the ink tattoos can assist in healing the user's wounds by converting the cursed energy into regenerative properties. 

Limitations: 

The technique relies heavily on the user's cursed energy reserves. Extensive use can quickly deplete their energy and leave them vulnerable. The user therefore must have a high endurance. 

After extensive use as well, the ink and tattoos need time to recharge making the user's abilities significantly reduced. So the user uses different tattoos and different parts of the body at a time to take that into account.

  “God, would you just stop bitching and stay still?” I asked Satoru impatiently. He was the one that wanted me to tattoo him in the first place and I’ve barely been able to do the outline of the stencil without him bitching about how much it hurt and squirming in pain in response to the needle poking in his arm. 

   All of my classmates, well the three that I have anyway, all have tattoos from me. I like to think it signifies our close friendship with each other and we’ll always be a part of each other's lives through my art. Shoko was the first to get one, and the best one to sit through the whole thing, she has a lotus flower on her back right shoulder—one of my favorite pieces I’ve done. Suguru was the second one that came asking for a tattoo from me, he immediately took a liking to my tattoos when I first arrived on campus and was even more impressed when he learned I did a good majority of them myself. 

   Excluding my face, my whole body is covered in tattoos. In the (l/n) clan, tattoos are a big part of our family, because of my cursed technique I’m the one with the most. Most of the tattoos I couldn’t reach were done back home by other family members in the clan. It’s almost a right of passage sort of thing with tattoos, I got my first one when I was just 13, though it was a fairly small tattoo. I quickly learned how to tattoo myself and others, building up my skill and art, I found myself covered promptly in tattoos, which is a must for my cursed technique. 

   When Suguru got his tattoo, he couldn’t believe the detail and precision I had when it came to tattooing and drawing up the stencil for it. He had gotten a serpent that stretched from the left side of his chest and circled his left arm. I loved doing that tattoo as well, Suguru wore tank tops for the longest time when I first did it so he could show it off. I was the one that gave him his ear piercings as well, though I had never done piercings myself before, the ones I had were done at a shop, but a quick tutorial I saw on the internet fixed that. However, Suguru thought I already knew how to do it. 

   “Well, it hurts!” Satoru complained in a whiny tone making me roll my eyes annoyed at him. 

   “The strongest sorcerer can’t even handle getting a little tattoo,” I mumbled, amused. 

   Satoru was getting the tiniest tattoo out of all of our classmates. Of course, it was centered around his six-eyes technique cause it’s Satoru. He was getting six infinity symbols on top of each other to represent it. We had only just started tattooing as well, just about to finish the first infinity symbol on his right wrist. 

   “Well, you’re poking me with a needle!” He continues to complain. 

   “Well, I can just leave you with a half-ass finished tattoo and then tell Shoko and Suguru how much of a baby you were being.” I threaten. That shuts him up and I smirk at him. “That’s what I thought, now for the last time hold still.”

   Once the tattoo is finally finished (as well as Satoru’s bitching) I do a final wipe down of the tattoo and start to take my gloves off after turning off my tattoo machine. Satoru looks down at his wrist and smiles in awe at his new tattoo. I always love seeing the reactions of people after I tattoo them, probably the people pleaser in me, but especially when it’s those I care about, it just feels so much better. 

   “I love it! Makes me look all sexy and mysterious now doesn’t it?” Satoru asks as I clean up my station. I laugh at his comment as he poses joking showing off his tattoo.

   “One tattoo isn’t gonna cut it, maybe when you get to my level,” I tell him flexing off my sleeves. Then there’s a knock at my door to my dorm room and Suguru’s voice follows asking if he could come in. After telling him it’s okay to come in, he opens the door and Satoru immediately starts showing off his new tattoo to him. 

   “Barely hurt at all, I could’ve fallen asleep.” Satoru lies. 

   “He kept whining like a baby, and he only got that,” I tell Suguru and he laughs at Satoru, who looks at me with a betrayed look. 

   “Anyways, what’s up, Suguru?” I ask him putting away the bottles of ink and the machine. 

   “We haven’t heard from Utahime and Mei in about 2 days, so we’ve gotta go oversee about that,” Suguru explains ignoring Satoru’s continuous posing of his wrist. 

   “Oh yeah, they went to that mansion right?” I asked him which he confirmed. 

   “Shoko is outside waiting for us, so we should probably get going.” He tells us. I nod and throw on my shoes before we all head out. 

   Once outside of the dorms we find Shoko finishing up a cigarette she had hanging out from her lips. Satoru, again, shows off his wrist to her posing ridiculously, how do you even pose to show off your wrist? Doesn’t matter though I guess because he manages to do it. 

   “Christ, Satoru, yes I see your tattoo!” She yells at him annoyed that he’s practically shoving his wrist in her face. Though he was annoying, I found it kind of sweet he was showing off my art, made me feel good that he loved his tattoo so much, no matter how simple it was. 

   The four of us arrived at the now destroyed mansion, Satoru, Shoko and I went to make sure Mei and Utahime were okay while Suguru kept his eye out for the cursed spirit, so he could absorb it. Rumble was moving around and Utahime groaned out in pain as she got out from under the rubble. 

   “Please don’t bother her,” I ask Satoru, knowing he was going to immediately. He smiles and jumps up onto some rubble above Utahime. 

   “I’m here to save you, Utahime,” Satoru tells her with a big cocky grin on his face then leans down to look at her. “You cryin’?” 

   “No! I am not crying! Be more polite!” She yells at him furious that Satoru was there out of all people it could’ve been. Not that I blame her, Satoru is a cocky ass and can be annoying most times. And he loves to mess with Utahime since she was probably the easiest to annoy. 

   “If I was crying would you console me? I’d definitely like that.” Mei asked Satoru with a sultry smirk. I make a look of disgust towards her which she thankfully doesn’t notice, she is my senior after all I can’t really be rude to her. Mei was a strong sorcerer and I would never deny that fact, but she always annoyed me and gave me a physical ick, especially with the way she talks. 

   “Yeah but you wouldn’t be cryin’ Mei, you’re strong,” Satoru tells her standing upright to face her making her chuckle at his comment. This very clearly ticked off Utahime since her face was starting to get angrier by the second of their conversation. 

   “Gojo! You listen to me! I don’t need your help!” Utahime yelled finally standing up out of the rubble, but behind her, so did a cursed spirit. She turns towards it shocked and unprepared to react. Thankfully she doesn’t need time to since one of Suguru’s curse manipulations in the form of a giant worm grabs a hold of the cursed spirit so Suguru can absorb it. 

   “Don’t swallow it, I’ll absorb it later,” Suguru tells his curse. “Satoru, it’s not nice to pick on the weak.”

   “Okay, but what kind of idiot picks on the strong?” Satoru asks him with a laugh as he speaks. Utahime turns furiously to Satoru but immediately changes her demeanor when she notices Shoko and me next to him smiling at her.

   “Utahime, you okay?” Shoko asks her. She calls out our names in relief mixed in with happiness. 

   “We were worried about you! We hadn’t heard from you for two days!” I explain to her. Utahime yells out our names again as she runs up some stairs towards us and engulfs us in a hug. 

   “Don’t you dare let yourselves turn out like those two!” Utahime demanded us making Shoko and I both chuckle. 

   “We aren’t trash like they are,” Shoko says as I gently pat Utahime’s shoulder. “And we never will be.” 

   Suguru climbs up the stairs to meet with us all while Satoru mutters something probably mean about Utahime to him since I hear Suguru tell him to shut up jokingly since he was still smiling at whatever Satoru was saying. 

   “Wait, two days?” Utahime asks realizing that is in fact what I said. It must not have seemed like two days to her and Mei if she was reacting like this. 

   “Huh, guess the cursed spirit’s barrier was one of those that messes with time. They’re rare, but they happen.” I explain to her. 

   “It is odd it took so long since Mei was with you,” Satoru explains. 

   “That would make sense,” Mei says. “But that means that it involved two full days of labor. I was just thinking how I’ll rewrite the invoice for the extra fees that are now owed to me.”

   “She’s planning to overcharge again.” Utahime comments. 

   “More importantly though what about, the veil?” Mei asked only to be met with all our dumbstruck smiles that stared back at her. Well, shit. Fucking Satoru. 

   Since Suguru was dealing with absorbing that cursed spirit and Mei and Utahime were both okay, we made our way back to campus, and of course, Yaga asked to meet with us immediately. And to our shock, it was about Satoru’s carelessness with the veil, though we all probably should’ve made sure he did take care of that. 

   Yaga was playing to news on the TV in the classroom and was talking about how the destroyed mansion was due to a gas leak explosion. The four of us were kneeling down in front of our teacher, ready to blame Satoru. 

   “The four of you were supposed to oversee the mission in that home. Also, you left your assistant supervisor behind. And on top of everything you forgot the veil! Who is to blame?” Yaga asks pretty much already knowing the answer. We all point over to Satoru who raises his hand quickly to make up some dumb excuse. 

   “Sensei! I’m asking you to stop this hunt for the culprit!” Satoru yells out with his hand raised high. He’s then met with a punch to the top of his head from Yaga. 

   After being necessarily disciplined due to forgetting the veil, we all went to hang out in the gym. Satoru was throwing a basketball in the air complaining about needing a veil in the first place. Shoko and I weren’t really paying attention though since we were playing around with Satoru’s glasses that he currently had off. She was looking through the glasses amazed how he could even see out of them in the first place. 

   “Come on I wanna see them, Shoko,” I tell her and she hands over the glasses that I quickly put on. 

   I immediately play around with Shoko making her laugh with my Satoru impersonation, which he doesn’t notice since he’s whining about “normies” as he puts it seeing cursed spirits. Satoru throws the basketball towards the hoop which Suguru intercepted dribbling the ball in front of himself. Satoru leans his head back towards Shoko and me so I stand up and place his glasses back on his face earning a genuine smile from him over his cocky confident one. That smile of his always makes me smile back at him in response. 

   Suguru was lecturing Satoru about why veils are important, but Satoru immediately got up when Suguru was distracted stealing the ball he was dribbling and shooting it into the basket successfully. 

   “Looking out for the weak and protecting them is honestly so exhausting,” Satoru says as he throws the basketball back at Suguru across the court. I was laying on a bench on the side playing around with some ink I took from my right arm, just floating it around out of pure boredom. 

   “The survival of the weakest that’s the proper shape of a proper society,” Suguru tells him holding out the ball in front of himself. “The weak help each other and discourage strength. Listen, Satoru. Jujutsu exists to protect the non-jujutsu sorcerers.”

   “Moral argument?” Satoru asks as Suguru shoots the ball into the basket behind Satoru since they have now met in the middle of the court. The ball missed the basket and fell to the floor, bouncing until it became still. “I hate moral arguments.”

   “What?” Suguru asks. Oh crap. Now my attention is caught as I carefully watch my friends preparing for them to start challenging each other. 

   “Assigning reason and responsibilities to strength is what those who are weak tend to do,” Satoru says as he picks up the basketball that had rolled over to behind him and throws it expertly into the basket behind Suguru who was starting to look pissed off. 

   “When are quit making yourself feel better spouting all this bullshit?” Satoru asks him wanting to piss off his friend. My god can’t they just kiss and makeup at this point? 

   “Well, this is a perfect time for a smoke break,” Shoko says leaving the gym as quickly as she could. 

   “Shoko don’t leave meeee!” I yelled out to her, but she was already out the door. 

   “Want to take this outside, Satoru?” Suguru threatenly asks as he starts to conjure up a cursed spirit of his. 

   “What, feeling lonely? Go by yourself if you want.” 

   Thankfully, Yaga walks in at that time and the boys start stretching acting like nothing had just happened. 

   “How long are you going to keep fooling around? Where is Shoko?” Yaga asks. 

   “Dunno, little girls room?” Satoru suggested. 

   “Whatever, this mission is being assigned to you two idiots and (y/n).” He explains I internally smirk to myself since I’m not considered an idiot to him. Or at least not on the level of Suguru and Satoru. The boys groan out in annoyance and make annoyed faces to follow. “What’re those faces for?”

   “Oh nothing,” the boys say in unison. 

   We all walk along campus together with Yaga as he explains the assignment given to us. 

   “Frankly I think it’s too much for you three, but Tengen asked for you three specifically. Your mission has two goals. The star plasma vessel is the one compatible with Tengen. You are to escort that girl and erase her.”

   “Escort some brat and then erase her?” Satoru asks as we make it into one of the class buildings. 

   “That’s right,” Yaga says opening one door and about to head inside. 

   “He’s finally gone senile.” 

   “It is spring, his head is probably full of becoming the next principal,” I explain as Suguru and I follow Yaga inside the classroom. “All joking aside, is this about renewing Tengen’s technique?”

   “Hmm, what’s that?” Satoru asks outside of the classroom peering in through the windows and making us all groan. “What did I miss?!”

   “Tengen possess the cursed technique of immortality but it’s not eternal youth. Not a problem if all he did was get older. But after his body ages to a certain point, his cursed technique begins rewriting his body. Evolution. He’ll cease to be human and become a higher form of existence.”

   “What’s wrong with that?” Satoru asks. “Sounds cool!”

   “According to Tengen, those who reach that state of being have no will. It means Tengen would cease to be Tengen.” I explain to my friend. “All the schools have the barriers that form the foundation of jujutsu society, the many barrier techniques of the assistant supervisors, are all strengthened by Tengen. Without the help from his power, we would hardly be able to maintain security or clean up after missions. And in the worst-case scenario, Tengen could even become a threat. Hence why every 500 years, he finds the Star Plasma Vessel, someone who is compatible with him, and assimilates them, overwriting the information of their body. This renews his body and he resets his cursed technique back to the start and therefore avoids Evolution.” 

   “I get it. It would be fine if he turned into MetalGreymon, but we can’t have him becoming SkullGreymon. So we have him start over from Koromon.” Satoru says making Suguru and me look at him in disbelief. Whatever makes him understand this I guess. 

   “Huh? Yeah, whatever works, I guess.” Suguru voices my thoughts aloud. 

   “The star plasma vessel’s location has been leaked. Right now, there are two major groups after the young girl’s life.” Yaga says as he turns his laptop over to show the three of us his screen. “One is the curse user group Q, which seeks to upend jujutsu society with Tengen’s rampage. The other is the star religious group, also known as the Time Vessel Association which worships Tengen as a god. Tengen will assimilate the star plasma vessel two days from now. You are to protect the girl until then and ensure she reaches Tengen. If you fail, the effects will ripple throughout even normal society.”

   Cool, zero pressure. The three of us finally leave to deal with our mission. We were heading to the girl’s home in an apartment building to make contact with her and get her into our safety immediately. These other groups were most definitely already on their way after her, so we had to be quick, which we would be if those two weren’t the slowest walkers of mankind. When we finally arrived, Suguru and I were going to be the ones going inside to get to the star plasma vessel while Satoru remained on ground control. Suguru had Satoru on speaker on his phone and we were discussing what we were up against. 

   “The star religious group is an organization of non-sorcerers,” Suguru explains over the phone as we ride the elevator up to one of the top-level rooms the girl was staying in. 

   “We most likely don’t have to pay them much mind then,” I say. “Who we really have to worry about is Q.” 

   “Well, I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Satoru says over the phone. I can hear him messing around with the canned drink in his hand making an annoying sound over the phone that I tried to ignore. The face I was making over it was clear to Suguru how much it bothered me, making him chuckle. 

   “We are the strongest after all.” Satoru continues. “That’s why Tengen asked for us specifically, right?” 

   Suguru and I sighed out of annoyance due to our friend’s dangerous confidence. 

   “What?!” He asked offended by our unison sigh. 

   “You’re a cocky confident ass, Satoru,” I tell him. “Stop being so full of yourself.”

   “Huh?!” He exclaims over the phone as he finally destroys his soda can ending the annoying crinkling. The elevator dings as Suguru and I make it to the floor and we exit as Suguru continues the conversation. 

   “She’s right, especially when addressing your superiors,” Suguru tells him. “We might end up meeting Tengen after all. You should really be more polite and humble. It would make yourself seem less threatening to the juniors as well.” 

   “Screw that,” Satoru says with a laugh. 

   “You’re lucky you're my friend, otherwise I’d take a potato peel to your new tattoo.” I threaten, making the boys groan out in horror and disgust. “God I’m kidding, you two are such babies.” 

   Suguru and I make it to the door and I ring the doorbell. A feminine-sounding voice calls out that she’ll be there soon and we wait at the door. But then a high-pitched beep goes off followed by a huge explosion. Thankfully, my instincts were quick and I shielded Suguru and me with a wall of my ink from the blast. Suguru still placed himself over me in a protective manner. 

   “You two alive?” Satoru asks over the phone with worry. 

   “Yeah, we are. Don’t know about the girl.” I say then stop as I look out the window and see something flying through the air, yeah it was her. 

   “You think we’ll be blamed for the kid dying from that?” Satoru asks. 

   Suguru hangs up the phone and I redisperse my ink from the shield into a large shard which I use to break the nearest window near Suguru and me. I knew he had cursed spirits so he could safely fly on to get her, I, unfortunately, had no such skill with my ink. 

   “Don’t blame me.” A man in a white uniform said. He was holding a woman who wore a maid’s uniform by the cuff of her shirt dragging him along to wait out the broken wall to make sure the girl died. “If you must hate someone, hate Tengen.”

   Suguru had thankfully caught the girl and the man in the uniform looked at him shocked. 

   “Please stop making us stand out,” Suguru asked the man with fake politeness. “We just got chewed out this morning.” 

   “Yeah, I’m not getting in trouble over someone else’s stupidity again today,” I say as I form a spear out of my ink. 

   “Those uniforms, you’re sorcerers from Jujutsu High, right?” He asks looking back at me and then at Suguru. “Hand over the kid. Or I’ll kill you and this girl here” 

   “Sorry can’t hear youuuu, come closer and talk,” I tell him in a sing-songy voice. 

[brucewaynehater101]

Emperor Obi Wan Tim Kenobi has a different crown from each planet that is under his control, there are historians and fashion designers trying to figure out a singular imperial crown for Tim to wear everywhere in the empire instead of changing his shiny hat all the time in an attempt to be considerate and also because before Tim they were all trying to kill one another for the glory of their respective tyrants and a single crown for the united empire seems like a nice peace symbol. Prior to the C4 interfering, there was definitely a near genocide and all the planets are coexisting peacefully but that's mostly because they're all a little scared of one another and still healing from all the harm they inflicted on one another.

The problem with the singular imperial crown is that more planets keep joining and bring their own shiny hat for the emperor which makes the historians and fashion designers start all over again since it wouldn't be fair for the peace symbol/imperial crown to not include the newbies.

Any time one of the planets has rumblings of a rebellion wanting to overthrow the emperor because he's "soft" and making noise about returning to the bloodshed of the "good old days" they get very quietly nipped in the bud before their emperor gets any idea they existed. Tim has become a good luck charm and symbol of peace in the empire and they don't want to scare him off.

The lack of rebellions and general acceptance of his rule is, however, actually making Tim more paranoid rather than more comfortable. After all, he's used to Earth.

Earth is fucked, so I don't blame Tim at all. I wonder if Tim is scared that these planets are trying to hide their horrible history (as some powerful nations on Earth try to do with their actions).

Imma call Tim's hero name as Patron for this AU (feel free to hc a different one). Anyways, Patron is trying to find out what shit his newly acquired planets have done in the past, what sort of shit they may or may not be hiding, why absolutely no one is against his rule, and why there's been no rebellion. It's practically unheard of (especially on a human standard where some people disagree seemingly on principle) that there would be no dissent.

Is Tim helping them? Yes. Was he given the power instead of him taking it? Yes. Yet, there's also the fact that he's human. He (at the beginning) has no information on the culture, values, morals, traditions, etc. He doesn't know what's important to them. How can he thus lead them?

(Slight debate on the "lead" portion since he seems to be guiding them to self-sustainability rather than control them)

But you are absolutely correct that the zero dissent would freak Tim out. It should.

The idea about the crowns is adorable, though. I've got a somewhat simple idea for them, though. What if he had an elegant and simple design of some type of metal twisted on his head? Then, as decorations, little spheres of each planet is added. Whatever the planet looks like, it's added to the crown when Tim gains it. Just miniature planets that can easily be added or taken away based on how his empire changes over time.

It sadly doesn't have as strong of a tie as incorporating the essence of the planet into his crown, but it does allow each planet to be proudly displayed.

[doe-eyed-fool]

Fear Of The Known

Lucifer x Fem!Angel!Reader

|Chapter Eight|

"Michael, I really can't waste time." Y/n says as she walks with Michael. "I have to tell God of my vision before it's too late. Sera is somehow still letting the extermination go on, he needs to know!" Michael stops once they were completely alone, and faces her.

"Sera isn't in control of the exterminations anymore, Y/n." He tells her. Y/n furrows her brows. "Then...why is it still happening?" She asks. Michael sighs, his eyes avoiding her as he speaks. "That's because God has decided to continue it."

Y/n felt her world slow to a grinding halt. "What are you saying?" Why would God allow for the exterminations to continue? He knows there are human souls down there. But human or not, the killings were senseless and unnecessary. So why would he let this go on?

"Y/n, listen, it's not what you think." Michael tries to explain. "Not what I think?" Y/n repeats. "God is allowing the massacre of countless defenseless people! They're already damned for eternity, this is just insult to injury!"

Michael reaches for her hand. "Y/n..."

Y/n took a step away from him. "It's wrong! And you know it's wrong!" She turns and starts to walk. "And God should know that too. But apparently not."

Michael hurries after her. "You can't see him right now. If you must speak with him, then come back-"

"You don't understand!" Y/n stops. "When that extermination starts, it will result in a battle between Adam and Lucifer! Adam will not return! Do you really think it's worth sacrificing the first man for this idiotic slaughter!? Not to mention Lucifer is now involved with this mess!"

"Lucifer has always been involved! He's the one who allowed it!" Michael exclaims.

"Yes, but don't you think he's had enough to actually try and stop it this time? Adam will nearly Charlie for Heaven's sakes! Of course Lucifer is going to be furious!"

"And he knows what awaits him, if he were to get too furious." Michael clenches his fists tightly. Y/n slightly taken back by his change of tone. "Michael..."

"The same goes for the overlords." Michael starts. "The exorcist angels are strong. If enough of them fight together, they can take down an Overlord. But only if there's just one. Overlords have countless souls, and if they ever decided to work together..."

"An exorcist army could prove to be useful. It seems to have intimidated them enough in the past. They know what kind of power Heaven holds and they fear it."

Y/n could understand the fear of demons uprising. Especially from the Overlords and Sins that reside below. But there had to be some other way to keep them from attacking. Surely, extermination was not the answer.

"You never answered my question." Y/n mutters. "Is God willing to sacrifice the first man?" Michael was silent. "There is no outcome where Adam returns. And in the future where he does return...Charlie will be killed. And Lucifer will declare war on Heaven. Do either of those futures sound favorable, Michael?"

Y/n could see the conflict in his eyes as he remains quiet. He had no real answer to give, not one that would make anything about this situation better.

Y/n continued walking. "If you are so instant I can't speak to God, then you can tell him of those futures. Goodbye, Michael."

Michael only watched as she grew further and further away from his sight. He wished he could do or say anything to make her feel better. He's upset her, and he hated himself for it.

But there was nothing he could do now. It's already been decided.

To change the future meant risk, risks that could result in very dire consequences. The slightest bit of altering could lead to disaster when not careful. Y/n knew this better than anyone. And yet, the risks, the consequences did not scare her. Not right now.

Y/n had looked into that same future again, this time she's learned that Charlie and her friends would fight back against Adam using angelic weaponry. One of the Overlords in Hell, Carmilla Carmine, had been producing angelic weapons for some time now. What's more impressive, is that she managed to kill an exorcist angel during last year's extermination.

Y/n knew that this could lead to trouble. If God knew they had gotten their hands on angelic weapons, and were able to kill angels, he might decide to do something far more drastic than just exterminations.

In fact, there was a very real possibility of that happening. An all out attack against Carmilla to cease the production of angelic weapons would occur. Carmilla would of course fight back, but ultimately would loose.

With one Overlord now dead, it would lead to more Overlords striking back. War would be the outcome of it all.

It was then Y/n decided to make sure that future never happens. So, she would do probably the most boldest, and dumbest, thing she would ever do.

In the dead of night, Y/n stood alone in her home, arms outstretched in front of her. She took deep breaths to steady herself. This was acting very far out of line. What she was about to do, could land her in deep trouble. But the very future was on the line, if there was any way she could save it, she would do it.

That same hot air brushed against her skin, causing her to reopen her eyes. There it was, the portal to Hell right in front of her. Y/n could hear her heartbeat in her ears, her shoulders tensed up. She inhaled before taking a step forward.

And there she was, in the belly of the beast. The heart of where all evil lies. This was Hell, in all it's terrible glory.

Up ahead, resting on to of a steep hill, was the same Hotel Y/n had seen so many times in her visions. Y/n hid away her wings and halo to look a little less conspicuous before walking up the path to the hotel.

Y/n didn't know what lies beyond these doors, but she raised her hand and knocked anyway. She waited for a moment before the door was opened, causing her breath to catch.

"Hel...lo?"

Charlotte Morningstar, stood before Y/n with a half smile. It looked as if she were trying to figure Y/n out. Sure, her wings and halo were hidden, but there wasn't much she could do about her robes. It seems Charlie already knew what she was.

Y/n offered a smile. "Hello."

"Uh...Hi?" The princess mutters.

"Charlie, who's at the...What the fuck!?" A shorter demon with long white hair exclaimed. The next thing Y/n knew, there was the edge of a spear pointed at her.

"Wait!" Y/n puts her hands up. "I'm not an exorcist! I'm only here to help!"

"Yeah right. Angels don't help demons." The grey demon scowled. "Wait a minute Vaggie." Charlie says, placing her hand on her shoulder. Charlie looks to Y/n. "Who are you?"

"My name is Y/n." Y/n starts. "I'm here to speak with Lucifer."

"My dad? Why?" Asked Charlie.

"Well, it involves Heaven and the overall state of it, or rather, the state it will be in. I'm hoping I can speak with him to come to some sort of compromise." Y/n tells her.

"Compromise? Wait hang on, what's going on with Heaven?"

"Well, since your last visit, all of Heaven now knows about the exterminations. All but the civilians, of course. I had hoped the exterminations would come to an end, now that it was no longer a secret. But...it seems the exterminations proved to be useful..."

Charlie had a look of panic. "So, there's really no stopping it?" Y/n shakes her head. "I'm sure you know Adam will arrive tomorrow with his army of exorcists. Unfortunately, there is no way I will be able to stop him. This fight is destine to happen, and, the outcome will spark new tensions between Heaven and Hell. And that is why I am here. I wish to prevent a future like that from occurring."

Charlie blinks. "Future?" Y/n then chuckles lightly. "Yes, I can see into the future. I have been able to for many many years. I saw the development of this very hotel shortly after you were born."

"Oh..."

"Anyway." Y/n clears her throat. "I need to speak with Lucifer as soon as I can. May I?"

Charlie nods. "Sure but...He's not like, in trouble is he?" Charlie knew of her father's relationship with Heaven and the angels who inhabit it. She didn't want anything to happen to him, especially now that they've rekindled their relationship.

"No, he's not." Y/n smiles. "Don't worry, as long as I'm able to speak with him. There will no need to worry about anything else. Not for now at least. The future can surprise in many different ways."

"If you say so." Charlie smiles weakly. She then directs Y/n the way where her old home is. There, would be Lucifer. Y/n hasn't even left to find him, and she was already nervous.

She hasn't seen him in so long. She can't help but wonder just how much he's changed over the years.

Y/n landed just outside of the palace gates, she looked up at the towering castle above. It was so quiet, and empty. The people of Hell must have known better than to challenge their king. Y/n did not know of his power, but it must be great to warrant no guards being around to watch for potential threats.

Y/n's heartbeat would be the only thing she'd hear as she grew closer to the entrance. She took a breath before pushing on the large door. It gave way easily, much to her surprise. If the outside was quiet, the inside was dead silent.

Still no guards. No maids or butlers roaming the halls. No servants of any kind. Just...emptiness.

Y/n made her way through the halls, the walls above her decorated with family portraits of the Morningstar family. Y/n stopped in her tracks as she reached one that caught her attention.

It was of Lucifer, Lilith, and Charlie. Charlie looked to be in her late teens, she stood between her mother and father with a nervous look. Her shoulders tensed, and her smile forced. Lilith stood to her left, her beauty just as haunting and captivating as all the other portraits.

Then there was Lucifer to the left. Y/n took a step closer to it. Though he was smiling, there was a look in Lucifer's eyes that Y/n couldn't quite describe. But she knew for certain, it was not happiness.

"You have exactly three seconds to explain yourself."

Y/n gasped sharply at the sudden voice behind her. That voice...

Y/n tensed, unmoving as her breathing came to a stop. She knew that voice.

"Well?"

How could she ever forget that voice?

Y/n slowly turned around, and was met with the King of Hell himself. His horns elongated, a small flame in the center of the two. His beautiful white wings, only broken by red feathers, flared out from his back. His deep red eyes bore into her own.

There he was, in all his hellish glory.

Lucifer Morningstar...

Tags-

@bloody-delusion-expert

@simbalioness

@annybah

@alientee

[epickiya722]

I know that the hatred for Megumi started from him summoning Mahoraga in Shibuya and yeah, it was an irrational decision but...

It's not like Megumi actually took delight in it and even stated he was a part of what happened to Shibuya. The "It's our fault" bit in 144.

But also, let's not act like some other characters are still loved even though they have done equally terrible and even worse things.

In fact, if anyone deserves hate and constantly bashed for the shit they have done it should be the Higher-Ups. If there are a group of people that I hate the most in JJK it's going to be them.

They sent three children on a mission they knew was too ranked high for them just to kill one of them. Who, mind, was doing relatively good.

"But they had a point to kill Yuji because he's Sukuna's vessel."

More like cage. The plan had been for Yuji to be executed AFTER he consumed ALL THE CURSED FINGERS. At the time of that mission, he had only consumed 2. (And if you know, it's actually 3.)

2 out of 20 fingers... THAT WAS 18 MORE LEFT.

Keep in mind, Yuji was able to hold his control over Sukuna. Someone else consuming a finger meant Sukuna easily taking over their body. See how that's a problem?

If anything, the Higher-Ups should have been lucky for someone like Yuji to exist.

But no. It got worse because guess what?

Gakuganji, Principal of the Kyoto school and A HIGHER-UP, assigned his students to assassinate Yuji... DURING AN EVENT.

What was the rational reason? What was it?

"Well, did Yuji let Sukuna out--"

Ah! He wouldn't have had to do that because of who did what? The Higher-Ups sending children on a mission that possibly would have gotten them killed. He was a child who made a bad decision like that because he didn't know what else to do.

Megumi did the same thing. He made a bad decision because he didn't know what else to do.

Yes, people died because of it but let's not act if Megumi didn't do it things would be better.

The time Sukuna spent fighting Mahoraga would still enough time for him to still kill people and cause more destruction even if Mahoraga wasn't summoned. What, was it like Sukuna going to stand there after killing Jogo?

Uh, no. You know damn well he would have went to do some damage to Shibuya because he would have wanted to and still would have taunted Yuji about it.

Even if he didn't, let's not act that Megumi is the sole guilty party because he isn't.

Back to Sukuna, you can not tell me some people didn't already die during that fight against Jogo. I have seen people praise Jogo for holding his own against Sukuna (props to him) but he did still kill people. That big ass meteor definitely did!!

Mahito was still running around, wasn't he? He and the other Disaster Curses along with Choso and Kenjaku were the reason for the whole incident starting in the first place!

So why is Megumi getting the most hate and continously bashed on like he's the one who started the whole thing and was the only one who did damage?

And I know that people also hate Megumi because he's "being a little bitch" right now in the manga... but that is so hard to believe that people really think he's a bitch because HIS BODY AND TECHNIQUE WAS USED TO KILL PEOPLE HE CARES ABOUT AND HIS SOUL IS SINKING INTO AN ABYSS DUE TO SUKUNA'S TOM-FUCKING-FOOLERY.

No way people are actually using that.

I feel some people just want to continue to be on the Megumi hate train and now just throwing any reason to hate him.

"I like being a hater of things."

But all the time though? All the time? That don't sound like a fun time to me. I hate sometimes, but not to be like "oh, let me follow everyone else because this is the new thing we're doing" and I don't feel like I have to express that hate all the time. Sometimes, I do like people who say things like that are just trying to hide the fact they're a part of the crowd that wants to be jerks in a fandom.

But that's just me.

[iamumbra195]

If the Graveyard kids were demigods, which Greek god would they be the child of? (Riodanverse AU)

For Ashlyn, I believe she would just be another of Apollo's kids, keeping to herself most of the time. Nobody really paid her any mind because out of the dozens of Apollo kids, there wasn't anything particularly remarkable about her. She wasn't the Head Counsellor or anything. She liked it that way. Ashlyn discovered she was a demigod when she was young and spent two full years at the camp to fully prepare for living as a demigod in the mortal world before becoming a summer-only kid. Her sensitivity to sound is one of the strange abilities she inherited but isn't fully able to control, which is why she wears enchanted earplugs that keep sounds at a more tolerable level. Beyond that, she was a pretty average Apollo kid. She was good at the basics like Archery and Music but not beyond that of a normal Apollo kid. The only thing that really stood out was her dancing. It was her special interest, incorporating it into her daily life as a demi-god as often as she could. Her fighting style was based on ballet in canon and she preferred fighting with her legs over her hands--even going as far as putting a weapon in her shoes so she could still use her legs to attack. So she is an average demigod overall. Until one day she discovers that she was one of the few to inherit Apollo's nosokinesis, the ability to create and control diseases (like her ability to open rifts and trap people in them in canon). There's also the fact that her name literally means 'dream' or 'vision', so considering the fact that Apollo is literally the god of prophecy, I think being a child of Apollo fits her very well.

For Logan, I feel that for a long time, he would just be another unclaimed kid. He didn't know anything about his real parents and his grandparents were always super cagey about it until he was older and got attacked by a monster and they finally took him to the camp. He still doesn't know who his biological mother was. Then one day after being pushed too far by bullies, he snapped just like in canon, and was claimed by Ares, the god of war. Much to his and Barron's (another child of Ares) dismay because what the fuck do you mean this dickhead is my half-brother?! He had initially believed that his parent was related to his love for space and astronomy or maybe even his intelligence and love for math but Ares?!

For Aiden, I think being a child of Hermes suits him best. I've done some tests and got answers like Ares or the Big Three, which I don't think those really fit him. But for some reason, I like the idea that he has the favour of/is a legacy of Hades or Hecate from his dad's side while being completely unaware of it until much later (the unexplained connection his dad has to Maverick). Children of Hermes tend to be more hyperactive than other demigods and are often referred to as a jack of all trades and I think those things really suit Aiden. When he was younger, his parents sent him to camp year round in hopes that it would help him and he came back with dyed blond hair, red eye contacts and a reckless streak a mile wide.

For Ben, I believe that this kid is and always will be a child of Apollo. His deep love and talent for singing and music, his rage and hurt at having this taken away from him. His knack for medicine despite only having experience through taking care of Aiden. He only discovered he was a demigod after his voice was destroyed so he never learned that he could heal people with his voice/singing until one of the others, maybe Taylor, were fatally injured and he had no supplies to save them so as one last attempt to comfort them, he breaks his years of silence and sings for them. To his complete astonishment, they started healing and were able to stay alive long enough to get the medical help they needed. He felt pressued to sing and use his voice after that because it could heal people but Aiden or one of the others nipped that in the bud and told him he didn't have to do anything he didn't want to. The idea of him also having premonitions when something bad is going to happen is cool, especially if it's the reason why he ends up catching little details the others fail to notice (a little nod to Canvas Ben for being so goddamn observant). His relationship with Aiden is also cute because children of Apollo and children of Hermes tend to get along, although not all of them do (Aiden and Ashlyn lol).

For Taylor and Tyler, I believe the twins would be children of Hephaestus. In some cultures, identical twins are treated as one entity/soul that was separated into two people and the same could be said about the Hernandez twins in this AU. Although they are different people with different interests and goals, that is how they are perceived as mortals. On the divine side of things, however, they are seen as a single soul split into two. That's why their connection goes far beyond that of regular mortal twins. Their abilities also reflect this. Taylor is a brilliant craftswoman and has a way with technology that separates her from the rest. She's also extremely fire-resistant, which proves to be useful considering her brother has the ability to manipulate fire. Tyler, on the other hand, has the basic skills needed to be a mechanic due to growing up with Taylor but it isn't instinctive in the same it is for Taylor. He is one of the few children of Hephaestus to have pyrokinesis, something he had to learn to master on his own because there wasn't anyone to teach him. They complete each other.

Although Aiden and Ashlyn spent a year or two in the camp, their paths never crossed and they were just another faceless person in the crowd of campers until they officially met when Ben and Aiden began to go to her high school in her sophomore year. Aiden clocked her as a demigod as soon as they met at the bus and was excited to meet another one of them outside of camp. He was also curious to know if she figured out what she was yet and if not, he could protect her from monsters and lead her to camp! Ashlyn recognized both Aiden and Ben as demigods but preferred to avoid mixing her mortal life with her mythological one so she avoided Aiden's needling to the best of her ability. When Ben finally told Aiden that she was another child of Apollo at camp, Aiden doubled down on the pestering which irritated Ashlyn beyond belief. Unfortunately for her, this wasn't the last she was going to see of him.

Mid-way through the first semester, Ashlyn received a prophecy from the Oracle stating that she and five others were to go on a quest. It was a shock to her and everyone in the camp because she was pretty unremarkable yet she was the one that had to go on the quest? It was ridiculously vague beyond the fact that she specifically had to go to Savannah with a group of five others. So she had to pick five other members for her team.

Nearly everyone tried to volunteer and because Ashlyn didn't particularly care who went along, names were drawn out of a bowl. With her luck, Aiden and Ben's names were both drawn out of the bowl, along with the Hernandez twins and Logan. She wasn't particularly happy with those chosen but she supposed it could be worse. Especially when she considered the fact she could've been going with him.

Barron was throwing a fit about how an unclaimed coward like Logan couldn't have possibly been picked but Tyler told him that no one would even want to go on a quest with him considering the only thing he cared about was glory and honour for himself.

And so, the six of them packed their things and started their journey to Savannah, Georgia where it all went to hell.

[tiddygame]

Ghoap god type au part 4! Now on Ao3!

part 1 /// part 2 /// part 3 /// part 4

I have not slept in A While because meds are meds so I don't know if this makes sense! Let's Go!!!

And shout out to these people for making me happy stim by requesting to be tagged! I hope this chapter is worthy of such an honor lmao:

@imjustheretofightforlove / @pieckyghost / @life-as-a-gamergirl

Ghost doesn’t know why he continued to give offerings to the god. He should have stopped when he had the chance, but he didn’t. Flowers, jewelry, rocks he thought looked cool, even an entire wallet he stole from a soldier who got on his nerves; It all went on the offering table. 

Something had changed. He doesn’t know what, but there was a difference. And not knowing was terrifying. Ghost liked to compartmentalize, to think things through and sort them into organized boxes. Decluttering the unknown was how he stayed sane.

If there is a problem, do not panic, just figure out what you can do. And if you can do nothing, then you have no reason to panic. The rigid line of thought was the only way he could trick himself into thinking he had any control over his life, that fate hadn’t already woven her strings.

So how do you think through something beyond your comprehension?

Try as he might, he could not and would never be able to truly understand divinity. There was no rationale he could apply to Soap that didn’t make his ears ring. It was all well within arms reach but firmly out of his grasp.

He shouldn’t continue to show patronage to something so unpredictable, so volatile.

“Besides,” Soap said, making eye contact once more. He grinned. It didn’t look human. “I’m not letting you go that easy.”

And yet, every night he would take his dinner to whatever lousy altar he’d created and sit down to eat with an entity that could kill him without raising a finger, would eat and talk to him like they were friends. He’s not sure of when he lost his fucking mind, but it was certainly long gone.

Everything about the god terrified him. It was ancient, domineering over one of the most prevalent parts of humanity. Everything had to die someday, and at the end of it all, Soap would still be there, even as it died too.

So when he appeared behind Ghost at a bookstore of all places, he damn near shit himself. 

He just wanted a book to occupy his time between battles, a distraction from the boredom of downtime. It was the same town as before, barely a few weeks since their impromptu meeting in the temple. He had been perusing the shelves and grabbed a book that caught his eye, some book about the history of the town, and was reading the back of it when someone was very suddenly right next to him.

“Anything interesting?”

Ghost flinched, reaching for a sword that wasn’t there as he turned to face the person who somehow got the jump on him. And just like everything else with the god, he doesn’t know how he knew that the person was Soap in disguise.

He looked nothing like the renditions he’d seen of the god; The man before him was short and had pale skin, light brown hair, and brown eyes. He looked about as non-descript as a human could get. Yet, he still knew that the man was no man at all, but a god that came from the heavens just to make his life miserable.

“Why are you here?” Ghost was too on edge and confused to put the fearful respect in his tone that he normally used when speaking to the god.

“I just came here to look for books, the same as you,” he replied, trying to keep a straight face and play it earnestly but smiling far too much.

Ghost didn’t dignify that with a response, continuing to stare down at him, book still in hand.

Soap sighed, “Alright, alright Mr. Grumpy, maybe I wanted to talk to you again.”

Ghost asked, “Why?” But he realized that probably wouldn’t get him the answer he wanted, “What do you need to talk about?” He was hoping to cut through the small talk and jump right to the essentials.

“I said want. Not need.” Soap corrected. When Ghost looked even more exasperated, he whisper-shouted, “I’ve been stuck in limbo for who the fuck knows how long! I need stimulation! Interaction! Conversation! Anything!”

Oh, gods above, this is the worst torture the god could have devised. He’d rather take eternal pain and misery over becoming a chatty god’s only conversation partner. Fuck, he’s done a lot of bad shit, but nothing to deserve this!

The god grabbed the book out of his hand from where he was still standing petrified and dumbfounded. Soap looked at the book, hummed, and then began browsing the aisle himself.

Soap mused aloud, “I’m not surprised you’re a history nerd… Is there anything else here that’s more interesting?”

A few weeks ago, the god had been so weak he could barely conjure a physical form, now he was in a bookstore to make fun of him?

“The god of death is calling me a nerd with shit taste.” Ghost hadn’t meant to vocalize that thought, but he was still trying to mentally catch up. 

It seemed to catch the god off guard as well, with him snorting as he tried to cover his mouth to stop from laughing, “I didn’t mean ye’ have shit taste, I meant history isn’t an interesting read when you lived through it.”

And at Ghost’s core, he was nothing if not a pain, so even as he was scrambling to figure out what was happening, he pointed out, “But you weren’t alive. You said you were in limbo.”

“Okay, smart-ass. Alive, limbo, whatever. I need a story — one I haven’t heard before.”

“Do you even know how to read?”

His accent became thicker with indignation, “‘Course I do!” 

“This language?” Ghost asked, gesturing to the shelves.

Soap immediately responded, “Ye—,” he cut himself off, looking at the book he grabbed from Ghost. It was upside-down and he twisted his hand awkwardly to have it back upright, squinting at it as he answered, now positive, “Yeah!”

Ghost mumbled, “Hmm, I figured you’d only be able to read dead languages.”

That one got a full laugh out of the god, he desperately tried to quiet his chuckles before they were told off for being too loud. Ghost isn’t sure why, but he felt oddly proud.

Soap was still smiling in an effort to stop laughing as he said, “That would make sense I suppose.” It seemed that not being able to laugh only made the situation funnier, huffing air out of his nose in a quiet giggle. “Well! What book would you suggest?”

Ghost pointed to the other side of the bookstore, “I’d suggest you stop looking in the non-fiction section.”

Soap looked around, muttering a curse under his breath. Seeing where Ghost had pointed, Soap grabbed his hand and dragged him along. Ghost was too surprised by the sudden contact to fight it, which was probably for the best. He may love his personal space, but he loved not getting smote even more. 

“Okay, well, now what book would you suggest?” Soap repeated himself, this time not bothering to browse the shelves as he looked at Ghost for a recommendation. 

Sighing in resignation, “What genres do you like?” If he could get this done with quickly enough, he might still have some time to himself before he had to return to camp. 

“I don’t know. All of them I guess.”

He is not going to get this done with quickly enough to have some time to himself before he has to return to camp.

Ghost let out an even longer sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose before coming to a solution. The store had their books sorted by genre, so it would be easy enough to grab one or two from each and then get Soap to pick one. 

The god of death’s personal shopper. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Luckily for both of them, Ghost has had an exorbitant amount of downtime and knew of a few popular ones that weren’t complete garbage. Death seemed content to trail behind him as he picked out the books, admiring the simple building.

The store had large windows facing west, golden light stretching over the shelves and reaching across the floor to tell Ghost how much time he was wasting. The smart thing would have been to just grab a random book, sing its praises, and hope he didn’t get called out on his bullshit. Of course, that would require being smart, so instead Ghost went through almost the entire fiction section, ending with a total of seven books. 

The stack of books was ridiculously tall as he set them down on a table at the back, intending to explain them to Soap and let him pick a couple. 

“This is everything, one book each from most of the genres.” Ghost backed away when Soap stepped closer, looking like an owl as he turned his head sideways to read the spines. Ghost gave up trying to understand the god. 

He pointed to the one on top, “This one is—“

“Fantastic! I’ll take them all,” Soap said, completely ignoring what Ghost was about to say. 

“What?”

“I’ll take them all!” Soap repeated, as if he hadn’t been clear enough the first time. He grabbed the stack of books, adding the one he’d snatched from Ghost to the pile as he walked to the counter.

“But… You don't have any money…” Ghost’s quiet protest went unheard as Soap walked away. He had a small existential crisis as he wondered what mistake he made that led him to this exact moment. He decided the mistake was being born as he followed after the god of death, knowing he probably wouldn’t have enough to cover the books.

Soap set down the books next to the cash register and gleefully asked, “How much for all of these?”

The shopkeeper looked a little surprised at the size of the stack but began checking them and adding up the cost. Even without seeing the number, Ghost was already bemoaning having to explain to a divine being how the economy and poverty work.

But apparently, Soap wasn’t done confusing him as he grabbed a wallet out of his pocket and began pulling out credits as the shopkeeper gave the total. 

At first, Ghost checked his own pocket thinking Soap had managed to steal his wallet and was in for a rude awakening when he found out Ghost was broke, but his wallet was still there. He wasn’t going to ask in front of the shopkeeper where he got it, but curiosity was eating at him. 

Ghost stared at the wallet. He recognized it vaguely but didn’t know from where. It was only when Soap was putting it away that he realized it was the one he’d stolen from that annoying soldier and offered to the god.

And who said your misdeeds come back to haunt you?

Once the books were all bagged, Soap gestured towards it and Ghost sighed as he grabbed the paper bag, supporting the bottom as it was lifted off the counter. Mirroring the same motion, Ghost gestured towards the door. Part of him was curious if the god would pop back out of existence when he walked into the light like he did last time.

Ghost whispered once they were far enough away, “You know I stole that wallet, right?”

Soap snorted, “That’s what made it one of my favorites.”

Ghost let go of the handles of the bag, only holding it from the bottom, and opened the door for Soap. Soap nodded in thanks like everything that had transpired over the last two or so hours was a normal interaction. 

Fortunately, the god did not vanish upon stepping outside, disproving his theory.

No, it was unfortunate. He wanted this to be done with. He didn’t want to keep talking to Soap.

His mouth didn’t seem to get the memo as he started to ask, “Why did you actu—”

“Ghost!”

The shout from someone behind him immediately sucked out any positive feelings he had. His usual glare was back as he turned to face the voice. There were two soldiers, a miserable little search party that looked disgusted at even having to go near Ghost.

“The General needs you for something.”

Of fucking course he does. He risked a glance to where Soap had been standing, unsurprised to see that he’d vanished. Ghost didn’t give them a verbal answer, just glared at them until they both began shifting where they were standing.

He felt a little relieved at being able to put the threatening tone back in his voice as he informed them, “I’ll be back before dinner.”

The one that spoke before looked to his partner and tried to forcefully say, “He needs you now.”

Ghost stepped closer, looming over them as he repeated, “I said I will be back before dinner.” He waited a moment, making sure they were properly threatened before he turned around and walked in the opposite direction of camp.

“Why were you at a bookstore?” One of them called out, almost accusatory as if it would stop him from leaving. He had forgotten about the rumor that he couldn’t read; He doesn’t know how it started, but it was a favorite amongst his fellow soldiers.

“What bookstore?” Ghost yelled back, not bothering to turn around.

The forest looked beautiful in the orange light of the setting sun. He was heading back to the temple, not because he missed Soap, but because it was the only place they wouldn’t be able to find him. If he really was needed, there would be soldiers crawling all over town searching for him.

He didn’t like going somewhere so secluded without his sword, but it was back at camp and he was not going back yet, wanting to piss off the general as much as he could. He hadn’t wanted to walk into the village with such an obvious weapon on his hip out of respect for the residents, but now it meant he only had a hunting knife to defend himself with. Nothing to sneeze at, obviously, but he would have felt a lot more comfortable making the hike through the forest with a heavier weapon.

A chill began to take hold as the sun dipped below the horizon. A cold front came through a few days prior that made sure the days were a lovely charming example of the upcoming fall weather and that the nights were frigid enough to make anyone regret not being on a tropical island.

He made the trek much quicker this time, now knowing the path. Which was a very good thing as the shadows grew stronger as he made his way through the trees, trying to make him trip on roots that seemed to appear out of nowhere.

When he got to the temple, he set the bag down and made quick work of gathering a small amount of firewood and kindling with the last of the waning sunlight, the chill turning into a freezing wind. His fingers shook slightly as he made a small campfire near the empty doorway to the right of the statue, paranoid about proper ventilation even with all of the cracks in the roof.

Using the light to see, he pulled down some of the vines, setting both them and the greener wood near the fire. Hopefully, they would dry quickly enough to be used later in the night. He quickly sorted through the books, taking them out and setting Soap’s collection to the side. 

He was trying to read the first page of his book when Soap appeared again. He didn’t look up as he greeted, “Good evening.”

“I do not like the way they treat you.” The god was blunt and Ghost couldn’t help but huff a small laugh at the amount of simmering anger the god held over what was a standard interaction for him.

“No?” Ghost asked, wondering why being told to return to camp was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

But he may have underestimated Soap’s anger as the god answered, “No. They don’t get to speak to you like that.” The sentence was punctuated by the campfire flaring slightly, the flames suddenly rising higher, illuminating more of the temple before they rescinded.

Ghost looked up at that, moving the book away to stop it from getting singed. He was not ashamed to admit that he was nervous, he just would never tell Soap that. To have him suddenly swap from someone friendly and charming to an undeniably pissed-off god was alarming.

“Uh—”

“They treat you like a fucking dog and can’t even speak to you with a shred of respect?”

The god’s form was flickering. This is what Ghost wanted, to know the tipping point for the god, but he wasn’t sure if this was the scenario in which he wanted to find out. He’d prefer for it to have been on the battlefield, the god having lost its patience with protecting him, not next to a campfire in his own temple.

“Soap—”

“Why do you fucking stay? They have no fucking right!”

The flames flared again and Ghost grabbed the handle of his knife. Just like the last time he was at the temple, he knew it would do nothing, but he could at least find comfort in the lie.

Soap noticed the movement, making eye contact. Soap was still breathing heavily and Ghost was doing the same, albeit for very different reasons. The god heaved a sigh, slouching over as he covered his face with his hands.

Once more, despite all rationale screaming otherwise, Ghost stayed. There was a long silence, the only noise being the crackling of the fire and the whistling of the wind. 

The god was sitting with his legs crossed, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands propped up his head. He was still staring at the ground when he asked, “Why? Why do you stay?”

“It’s complicated.” 

Soap looked unimpressed, “No, it isn’t.”

“No,” Ghost agreed. “But it’s a story I don’t like to tell.”

The god let out a long breath like he was trying to calm himself down as he rubbed at his eyes, “Didn’t you say you’d be back for dinner?”

“I lied. Late morning at the earliest.” Soap chuckled, much more tinged with defeat than it had been a few hours ago. The silence was back and Ghost hesitated before grabbing his book again.

“Thank you.”

Ghost wasn’t expecting that and felt a bolt of panic strike through him, not knowing what the god was thanking him for. 

Soap gestured towards the stack of books, “For humoring me today. I haven’t laughed in a long time. Thank you.”

The somber tone settled over him, the emotional whiplash from the past ten minutes alone was enough to make his head spin. Unsure of what else to say, he stuttered, “You’re welcome.” It sounded a lot more like a question than he intended.

Soap nodded and let his head fall again. 

And, just like that, he was gone, fading away with the wind. He stared at where the god sat, ruminating over his words. When he came back to the present, he saw that the books were gone as well.

He would have laughed, Death having grabbed his haul of books and scurried off in the breeze, but the honesty behind the god’s not-quite confession weighed on him. He tried to read, but was only flipping pages as his eyes ran over the words, not taking anything in.

He’s been in this situation before, waiting out time to piss off the general and he knew how it went. Sleep wasn’t an option; He always found something to occupy himself with to stave off the inevitable boredom. He was lucky to have a book this time, but try as he might, he couldn’t focus on it.

He gave up on reading and instead turned his focus to the campfire in front of him. He added another log carefully, taking care to not smother any of the other sticks. He didn’t have much fuel and he’d need to make it last until sunrise. 

Ghost woke up to light streaming in through the open doorway and birds chirping obnoxiously loud. He grumbled and tried to go back to sleep before remembering that he was never supposed to be asleep in the first place.

He tried to get up quickly, to stand to attention and scan for any threats or changes that indicated someone had come in during his nap. Instead, he sat up slowly, having to prop himself up on his arm to not lie back down.

His fire was miraculously still burning. The temple looked the same, there weren’t any assassins hiding in the corners, and his stuff hadn’t moved. It took him an embarrassing amount of time to remember that he never went to sleep with a blanket or pillow, yet now had both.

Instead of thinking about that, he stood slowly, his joints popping along the way. He yawned as he gathered his stuff, smothering the fire and folding up his bedding. Still not even half awake, he dropped the pillow and blanket at the base of the statue.

He grumbled out what was meant to be an expression of gratitude, but he’s not sure he got any of the syllables out. Taking as deep of a breath as he could to try to wake himself up, he began the walk to the river. 

It’s a miracle he didn’t get lost as he stumbled through the woods, listening for the sound of rushing water. When he finally got to it, he was sure to avoid getting too close to the slippery bank, not feeling like drowning so early in the morning.

He walked over the ramshackle bridge that crossed the river and led into camp in the early afternoon. Just like last time, most of the soldiers quieted upon seeing him. And, just like last time, the general came stomping out of his tent, though this time significantly angrier

“I need you to listen to me carefully,” he began, seething with so much anger over Ghost’s disobedience that he was twitching. “I am going to give you ten seconds to explain yourself. If you do not have a good reason for why you went AWOL, you are going to wish you had never been born, am I understood?” 

Ghost had mastered the voice of false innocence and remorse, “I’m sorry General, I wasn’t paying attention and got delayed by an hour.”

“An hour?” The general had a deceptively calm tone, one that spoke of being on the edge of doing something drastic. But the general was no god and Ghost had no qualms about giving him a shove.

“Yes sir, I know I said noon. I’m sorry for being late.” Ghost hung his head like he was ashamed. He was already mapping out a lie to explain why he arrived almost a full 24 hours after the search party said he would.

“Noon?” The general asked. Both of them were playing a very dangerous game, weaponizing an unstable but calm facade and putting on a little show for the rest of camp to sit back and watch.

“Yes sir.”

“I was told that you said you’d be back before dinner.”

Ghost lifted his head and glanced around, furrowing his brow in faux confusion, “Before dinner? No sir, I was trying to hunt for something to bring back to camp. They caught me right before I went into the forest; I might have said I was trying to find something for dinner, but I knew it would take me much longer than that.” Oh, how Ghost loved gaslighting.

The general’s lip curled, thinking he found a thread to pull, “Do you normally go hunting at night, son?” The words were full of poison, but Ghost already had an excuse.

“No sir, I looked for tracks yesterday afternoon, set up camp, and woke up early this morning to hunt. Unfortunately, I was no—”

“He’s lying!” One of the soldiers shouted, walking closer and shaking off his friend trying to pull him back. “He was walking out of a store! He wasn’t hunting!” Ah, that must be one-half of the search party.

Now emboldened, the other half approached from the stables, and joined in, “Yeah, he was leaving a bookstore with some guy.”

Uh-oh, that’s not good. He didn’t realize that they saw Soap. 

He was trying to figure out if he should outright deny it or try to claim that he, the notorious loner, had made a friend in town. A friend that just so happened to leave that day so they couldn’t ask for him to verify Ghost’s story. Hmm…

“What? No, he was alone.”

Never mind, that’s perfect; Only one of them saw Soap.

The two began arguing over whether or not Ghost had been alone and Ghost “timidly” chimed in, “Bookstore?”

The first one that had spoken paused his argument and turned back to the general, “He even had a shopping bag!”

Adding fuel to the flames of their anger, Ghost made a point of looking at his hands to show they were empty. He gently corrected like he was just trying to help the two remember, “I was walking out of a general store. Alone. I needed berries for bait.” 

The rest of the camp gave odd looks to the search party, the rumor of his inability to read not helping their legitimacy. Now he just had to hope they didn’t ask why he didn’t have any camping or hunting supplies aside from a small bag. 

The general looked more irritated than irate, “That’s enough. All three of you are being punished for insubordination. For now just get the hell out of my sight until tomorrow morning.”

Ghost tried not to smile too wide as he nodded and walked away, very happy that the general reached his limit before more glaring holes could be poked in his story. The other two looked offended at getting punished with him, one standing slack-jawed as the other even tried to argue before getting dragged away by his friend before he could dig himself a deeper grave.

Ghost was going to be punished regardless of what he did or when he returned, but dragging the other two down with him was well worth it. Plus, the rest of the camp would now think they were liars as well who tried and failed to get him punished.

All in all, it was a rather successful trip to the bookstore.

…

Had he been paying more attention, thinking more clearly, he might’ve thought to hide his tracks, to not leave an obvious trail to where’d been, to hide the evidence of his time spent at the temple of the god of death.

[sillybruja]

roasting your moon sign pt 1. (Aries - Gemini) p.s. this one's gonna hurt your wittle feelings 🥲

Aries Moon

OH MY GOD. SHUUUUUUT UPPP. Seriously, you don't have an off button and talking to you is very frustrating. It's kind of like you jut like hearing yourself talk, which is fine, but the rest of us are suffering. And Holy lack of emotional regulation! When you are upset, you are really upset, eh? Seriously, you cannot control your emotional reactions even if you tried your hardest. If you feel triggered, you have to let the whole room hear about it 🙄And one more thing -- why do you think speaking louder makes your argument valid? It's kind of like listening to a toddler start screaming because crying was not getting their mom's attention good enough. It's fine to have emotional outbursts once in a while, but try to remember you're an adult, not a six-year-old. Communication takes more than scream-crying until you are heard / get your way. Btw, y'all are some of the most delulu people out there! It's like, everyday is a rollercoaster for you emotionally and you kidnapped the rest of us to have to suffer with you. Yeah, that's right, you can be insufferable and the people around you feel it. Are you even aware of that, though? Or are you more focused on creating a narrative that makes you the victim? Your lack of impulse control is a whole other thing. We get that you react first and think last, but to have the audacity to blame others for your decisions/actions is wild. Oh you punched a wall? No, that person didn't make you do that, you did that. Oh, you're insecure so you acted out of character? No actually, it's not their fault because they are secure with themselves. It's all on you. Guess what? Accountability is not the same as being held at g*npoint. You will not die. You will not wither away. You are actually wrong a lot and that's fine, but you don't have to be such a tool about taking responsibility. It gives everyone in your life the ick, and people are probably tired of walking on egg shells around you. 🤷‍♀️

Moon in 1st House:

Okay, drama Queen/King!🙄😅Besides the fact that you literally wear your heart on your sleeve, you are also so dramatic and for what, special effect? Seriously, you emotionally respond to things with the same voracity and urgency as you would an actual emergency. You can literally stub your toe and have a meltdown over it, saying that was your "13th reason" likeee y'all are D R A M A T IC and because I also have this placement, I know it's because it actually feels really dramatic but tbh it's not that deep. You just feel too deeply which is fine but guess what? You're still responsible for your emotions, no one else is. You sacrifice your power too often looking for acceptance and love, and then expect the people who you give said power, to reciprocate the same energy but they never do because what you are really expecting from them is you and that's pretty messed up tbh. You gotta let people be! your attachment issues are showing. BTW, being the sacrificial lamb in every situation does not actually gain you aura points, it just makes it obvious that you lack boundaries. The People around you take advantage of you because 9/10 times, you have made it pretty clear very early on that taking advantage of your kindness can be easy to do. Its insane that people have projected on you your whole life, and yet, you still can't detect when its happening. People are not mean to you because they hate you lol but the fact that you make everything about yourself makes it even easier for these people to project their problems onto you. Why wouldn't they? You are all consuming, and you take on the responsibility of everyone's actions, making yourself a stomping ground for ab*se. Your problem is, you are looking to find you in everyone and you will constantly be disappointed because that's something you will not find. Learn to be comfortable with others showing you how they feel, and accept it for what it is instead of for what you want it to be. Your scope of other's emotions needs work -- there's a whole universe outside of your own mind. You gotta learn to consider others emotional needs and try to walk in the shoes of other people once in a while and you will see that not everything is not in relation, caused by, or about you. Also, you have the same emotional regulation as a toddler sometimes. Stop making your problems, everyone's problems. Go to therapy.

Taurus Moon

OKAAAAAY, SLOTH. How do you expect to have the rich bitch bougee life you keep creating pinterest boards about if you won't even get off the couch and take small steps to reach those goals? Queen of "manifestation", all things "come to me naturally". Can we cut the bs and call a spade, a spade? You are lazy. You know deep deep down that you have the gift of the moon as your placement's exalted, but you have proven so many times that you prefer comfort over work. You're sitting there, waiting for the universe to deliver all the things you want in life, but your uninspired, bland, lazy ass won't even break a sweat for half of what you want in this world. YOU are the reason you do not seem to accomplish as much as you want to, because you do not challenge yourself. Do you feel incapable? I would if I'd rather live in repetitive and tired routines instead of challenging myself to grow. Speaking of growth.... do you even know what that is? Or are you still holding the same opinions of people that you had in middle school? Guess what, people grow and change... it is time to catch up! Why are you more comfortable with clinging onto the past, especially onto an old way of thinking? How is that actively helping your life? Be so for real. You cling & obsess over the past because its easier to revictimize yourself & build resentment than it is to take responsibility and make changes. Why is it more comfortable being stubbornly wrong, instead of owning up to your ways?

Moon in 2nd House

STAY OUT OF MY WALLET & GET A JOB! Seriously -- for someone who needs & craves financial stability, you sure will do a whole lot of nothing to get it. It's so weird because you manage to do absolutely nothing, and the people around you end up picking up your tab. What's it like being the community leech? And another thing... why is it that you feel you only have value when the 'yes men' around you over compliment you, or give you attention? Why is it that you cannot regulate your sense of self worth, but instead need to feed your self-esteem through manipulation, clinginess, and insecurity? Your relationships are probably prone to being unstable because of this. You are too much. Your expectations are too much, and they do not even match what you are willing to give back. You can't expect other people to pour from an empty cup just because You can't seem to fill your own. Your erratic self-esteem issues have an impact on your closest loved ones but your mindset is in the gutter because of how harshly you cling onto old mindsets and negative beliefs. Your greediness is not justified, no matter how much you have been hurt. You seem to never take your pain out in a healthy way, or on the person who actually inflicted the pain. If people come too close, you automatically assume there's alternative motives, even if there's no reason to think that. You act more like an 8H moon in your lowest vibration, and ironically enough, you are "triggered" and angry with other people who act this way. Your self-awareness is probably is as little as your confidence because you seem to live in your own bubble, and cannot understand how your own projections you put on other people are hurtful and make you look very weak. Your people pleasing tendencies will never grant you the stability you seek and until you take accountability, responsibility, and action to secure the life/lifestyle you want for yourself, you will always think shrinking yourself through people pleasing equals safety. But ya know, BE DELULU.

Gemini Moon

OHMYGOD CAN YOU SHUTTHEFUCKUP?! Yes, your friends do think you are annoying as fuck. It's because you never know when to STFU. And the worst part? It's not like you don't know you talk a lot... you do. you know you can dominate a conversation like no other. You are aware of the snotty asshole you sound like when you articulate and use word play to your advantage, and you don't care lol. If you're not that person, you're the opposite - you're weird af, you still never shut up, you have weird af obsessions, collections, and stories, and chances are you're easily forgotten about 😅 You share random facts with your friends all the time and at first it was really funny but because you never know when to stop, your friends are over it. When you talk, they sigh. It's because being your friend is exhausting. It's always the GEMINI MOON SHOW!!!! and you never give them (or anyone) the space to express themselves. You think you know what everyone wants and because you are lowkey controlling, you make decisions for others -- can you be any fuckin' worse? No wonder people don't really like hanging out with you lol. By the way, you are so dense. For being a mercury ruled moon, you would think you'd be better at reading people and yet, you constantly miss the red flags in others. What's it like being a door mat? It's like you know they hurt you, you know they are sus, and you don't care. LOL btw y'all are really big cry babies and so sensitive sometimes. You'd think that being a gemini moon would make you easy going, but you walk around and act like you have a stick up your ass. Your submissive nature is 10000% your decision but you have this talent of blaming other people for why you have codependency issues, let's call you the King/Queen of Projection. You act out, you push people away, you start fights and for what? For people to pay attention to you? lol that's sad. Why do you feel you are only worthy of getting attention when there's controversy? When you act out of character? Is it because you feel like no one cares about what you have to say unless you're being the worst version of yourself? Is that why you are so skilled at wearing masks with people? Maybe if you spent more time figuring your shit out, spending more time with yourself, and less time giving a fuck about others, you'd be able to heal the identity you shattered trying to morph into whatever everyone else wanted you to be. Basically, FIGURE OUT WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE SO YOU CAN STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE TO SECURE PEOPLE.

Moon in 3H

WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?! You wishy-washy bitch you lol. (pls don't take this seriously this is a roast ok? ily) But fr, who even are you? Because you switch up your entire personality depending on the group of people you're around. You think no one notices this but I promise you they do and they're tired of your shit. A lot of people probably find you unreliable because you also seriously lie...over dumb things too? Like, who lies about what they had for breakfast? Pfft. This need to maintain a certain level of "mystery" is actually kinda cringe because you are actually so transparent. Also, you do realize you cause a lot of your own problems, right? No one can drive people away better than you can, huh? :) Your need for banter and excitement is all fun and games until it became really fucking annoying. People do not like to constantly be poked and picked at and tested. Especially if you think you're some prize to win over. Speaking of being some prize... your ego though? It's like to feel intelligently superior, your say a whole lot of nothing polished in purple prose to humiliate others. Imagine being so insecure with yourself that you feel the need to verbally tear down the ones who are just plain doing better than you in life. Your problem is that you spend so much time focusing on the people around you, wanting to gain their approval, wanting to be the center of attention, that you actually end up losing sight of your identity and you become this annoying asshole 😅🙈 By the way, you definitely do talk soooo much shit about people, and yes it is so unnecessary. MAYBE IF YOU STOPPED YAPPIN YOUR TRAP ABOUT PEOPLE, THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE WOULDN'T ALWAYS LEAVE YOU or fantasize about leaving you for your much hotter family member, sibling, or friend 🤭

Pt. 2-4 are coming x

[hashtag-xolo]

Showing some signs of learning to settle!

I don't know the full background but Nico was raised for his first year of life in a neglectful home. From what I could glean, it sounds like he was basically left outside and mostly interacted with other dogs. He obviously had some human socialization as a pup but he never had to learn anything close to manners or patience because he was just left outside. He learned some great dog social skills but when it comes to living inside with humans and learning that we don't just let him do whatever his little xolo heart desires? Tragic, appalling, the greatest tyranny. He came with almost zero impulse control or patience with people because he never had to learn it. Learning that has been the biggest priority and why you don't see me post a lot because... It's not really thrilling stuff to post about in the interim lmao

But basically we have been working on being able to entertain himself for short periods of time, learning that demand barking isn't appropriate behavior, that some locations are forbidden (mostly for safety reasons please stop trying to get on high surfaces), and that he doesn't have to be involved in every little thing I'm doing (laundry used to be impossible when he was in the room too). He really struggles with these things and it also makes training sessions difficult because he doesn't have the impulse control to train for long without just launching himself towards me for the treat bag because he gets too excited. It's not a difficult experience but it's a slow going type of training because he's an adolescent to boot.

But last night I was able to do all of the laundry and he just stayed on the pillow and watched me or snoozed! It was really nice to see this progress. We're still working a lot on his self control around food but we will get there. I understand that for him food was scarce so that doesn't help his demanding food at every opportunity! I'm really proud of him though. He's shaping up to be a great dog.

[genericpuff]

This might be a very weird ask, I'm new to tumblr, and I've followed your content from reddit, but I've noticed a generously portioned part of tumblr's community for writers seems to be.. oddly, proship friendly. With the discouragement of the age gap between P and H in LO, I'm hoping you're also against proshipping in media? I don't intend to be hostile or malicious by asking this, just a general hope for an artist I look up to

this. isn't a weird ask but it's definitely a loaded one LOL like do you just want me to tell you "shipping minors with adults bad"? because duh, that's a no-brainer LOL like I'm assuming you've seen my rants about LO both on reddit and here, I don't think it should be too hard to glean that I'm really not into age gap fantasies like what exists within LO. I assure you there are a lot of people who use this site who don't take part in problematic age gap ships, just because I happen to exist within this site that hosts more problematic ship fandoms doesn't mean I agree with them or want to associate with them. the vast majority of people that i interact with here are other antiLO folks who are also tired of the unhealthy-but-still-normalized age gap relationships that are in harlequin romances like LO. indulging in generally toxic fantasy ships is all fun and good, it's fiction, none of this is real and for many people it's a way to explore these topics in a healthy and controlled way, but the main point of the criticisms lie in "does the work itself want us to believe this is actually healthy, or is the narrative well aware of it being unhealthy and we're all just playing along for the sinful indulgence of it". (no, I will not apply this nuanced argument to straight up minor x adult fics, that is an absolute hard boundary for me that I avoid at all costs for obvious reasons that do not need further explanation or justification. don't ship children with adults ffs.)

like, my main OC couple is a hot mess and a half (there's no age gap, they're only a few months apart in age, they're just incredibly abusive to each other) they are literally NOT couple goals and the point of the story that occurs around them is to showcase the fact that they're not good for each other. there will absolutely still be people who ship them happily despite that. there will absolutely still be people who love the angst and drama and embrace it rather than criticize it. that is completely out of my power and I am at peace with that, not only because I know I can't control how people view them and interpret them, but also because I too enjoy shipping them knowing fully well they're terrible for each other, it's fiction and it's fun. i mean geez, i always wind up choosing Shane every time i start over in Stardew Valley, i'm not in any way on a pedestal when it comes to toxic ships LOL

the reason why Lore Olympus gets called out so hard for it is not only because Rachel clearly explicitly chose to make Persephone 19 and Hades 2000, but because the narrative constantly reminds us the age gap exists and that, despite being ageless gods, the gods themselves find it icky because many of them call out Hades and Persephone for being into each other (including the comic's main antagonist Apollo, who we're supposed to believe is a worse predator than Hades despite both of them preying on the same girl but in different ways). like, Persephone is still a legal adult so the argument is often brought up that "technically" it's fine, but it's the fact that she's a god and could have been ANY age while still retaining an age gap but Rachel still chose to make her an uwu babygirl 19 year old with zero life experience that makes people side eye the fuck out of her. and THEN even went out of her way to include flashback sequences of that same 19 year old meeting Hades completely nude and making out with Ares and (apparently, according to Patreon supporters) sneaking off into the mountains to make out with Hermes where it has to be assumed she was even YOUNGER. there's very little up to interpretation there, it's right there in the text.

if Persephone were 119 and Hades were still 2000 and it was left at that, it wouldn't be that big of an issue tbh, because they're both so old outside of the human scope of comprehension that they're still, at least, on level playing grounds (and likely still have equal life experience). It's the fact that Rachel deliberately made Persephone the "barely legal" trope, while demanding we pay attention to the age gap but then expects us to accept it as healthy anyways that's the issue and where it becomes so heavily debated. And that's where people accuse Rachel of actually endorsing / normalizing this dynamic rather than analyzing it or just having fun with a "spicy" May December romance trope, because she seems fully capable of recognizing the imbalanced power dynamic between Hades and Persephone but still wants to paint it as a good thing in the end that people "shouldn't think about too hard" despite the fact that the narrative FORCED us to think about it on MULTIPLE occasions in ways that made it impossible NOT to discuss it.

At best I don't want to read about inexperienced barely legal girls getting into relationships with emotionally stunted man children, idc how much money and power they have, I'm nearly 30, I don't miss being in my early 20's, and that's not a fantasy for me LOL but it is for a lot of people so i'm not gonna chastise anyone for being into those kinds of stories, i'm just gonna analyze how those dynamics function within the text and try and glean whether it's just harmless fantasy indulging or deliberate normalization. and ofc again, it bears repeating, if it's involving an actual minor then yeah that's a hell fucking no from me, no shit sherlock LOL

all that said, I don't think Rachel is intentionally trying to create "pedo bait" or w/e the fuck I've seen people legitimately try to accuse her of because that's a VERY serious accusation to make about a person that needs more concrete evidence than just "LO has Lolita parallels", I think at best she's just not a good writer and she's not willing to take responsibility for the messaging she's put into her comic that's being largely consumed by young teens. If I can assume the best from her, she probably just thought it would be funny / quirky / cute to be all "teehee age gap, so spicy!!!" but then realized how bad that looked on her after people really started to call it out (and she clearly can't stand Hades being seen in a negative light) plus the fact that her work was being marketed to and read largely by teenagers the same age if not younger than Persephone, so she tried to write herself out of it with the time skip, which only made things worse because it made the story make less sense and didn't line up with what she'd already established that gods under the age of 100 are considered young. like at least on tumblr it's p much "use at your own risk", curate your own experience, etc. whereas on Webtoons LO was clearly being marketed to children and teens which is its own can of worms and makes it a lot more ripe for criticism than a Tumblr blog just existing and doing its own thing.

Sorry that's a long-winded response but at the end of the day this sorta topic isn't something that can be reduced to "yes or no", it would just feel irresponsible to do so. For me whether or not I enjoy a toxic relationship is "does the narrative make it clear it's toxic, or is the author clearly trying to make this seem like 'couple goals'?" Because if it's the latter like it often is with stories like LO, it's a big no from me LOL the former tho really depends on the messaging and what's accomplished in the end. Rachel herself is clearly just someone who never established the themes and messaging of LO so she wound up writing herself into a corner she couldn't get herself out of and reflected incredibly poorly on her.

IDK if that gives you reassurance but at the same time I'm also like... just a guy who's been on the Internet way too long who's shouting their opinions about stuff they like (and dislike) way too much, same as everyone else here. With all due respect, I appreciate you admiring my work but be wary of asking those kinds of loaded questions because that's when you run the risk of trying to fit human beings you don't know into boxes which is exactly how these discussions become way too polarizing to be productive. My work and my essays should speak for themselves and I don't think you should necessarily have to ask for reassurance from me as a human being to consume or enjoy what I do here especially when it makes my opinions about stuff like proshipping very clear.

[loopstagirl]

This is apparently what happens when I watch Trapped in the Sky...

"Hey."

Scott stepped out onto Virgil's balcony. His younger brother had his elbows resting on the railing, staring out at the horizon. Virgil glanced at him, offered a smile, but said nothing. He didn't have to.

Scott mirrored his position. For a moment, he looked out across the ocean. Then he turned his attention to his brother.

"You okay? How's the head?"

Virgil flushed. "It's fine and you know it."

Scott did: Brains had checked Virgil out as soon as they got home. Even so, he wouldn't be him if he didn't ask.

"Some first rescue, huh?" Scott said. They'd saved the Fireflash, saved the crew and passengers, including TinTin. Scott thought it was a resounding success. They'd even stopped the creep photographing One.

But, to his surprise, Virgil flushed.

"What?"

"Nothing," Virgil mumbled.

"Look, I know the guys are ribbing you about the elevator car flipping, but the pressure they were under, it's amazing only one gave out. It was just bad luck that it was the one you were in. Brains did the calculations, if it wasn't the control car to go-,"

"It's not that," Virgil cut in. He knew Brains' finding. He turned his back on the view, leaning his elbows on the balcony guard. "I know we saved them, but I did a lot of damage out there."

He sounded sheepish. Scott chuckled.

"From where car 3 had a signal failure? Don't worry about it. I was in that tower, Virg. The commander told them to let it burn. He, too, was focused on saving people."

Virgil sighed, and Scott saw his shoulders drop a fraction.

"Still," he muttered. "We can't afford for that level of collateral damage on other rescues. I blew up a plane, Scott."

"Without even trying," Scott teased, "I think Gordon's actually jealous."

But Virgil's exasperated look told Scott how serious he was about this.

"Look, it wasn't your fault. It was an equipment malfunction on the first time we've used them."

"I should've switched cars the instant I got that warning light."

Scott shrugged. "Maybe. It was your first time working under pressure. We all made mistakes out there. We'll do more testing in the future around the strain that the equipment can take. Run a few scenarios around what we should do about fault lights. It'll be okay."

Virgil smiled. "Thanks, Scott."

"Anytime."

They stood in silence for a few moments. Scott staring out to sea; Virgil gazing back into his room. Eventually, Scott broke it.

"I still want to know how some creep got into the cockpit of One," he grumbled.

Someone was right there, in his beloved 'bird, on her very first official outing. Photographing One was the best outcome – at least it set off the sensors and alerted Scott to the situation. If it had been anyone with any piloting skills, they could've tried taking off. Worse, they could've succeeded.

"You initiated the security protocols, didn't you?"

"Of course I did," Scott said. "As soon as I got there. Landed her in a clear area, requested security, got a perimeter set up and cops surrounding her."

"Penny said it was someone posing as the police," Virgil said in a reassuring tone. "That's not your fault."

"We've got the most advanced machinery in the world and someone got through all our security first time."

"Did you lock the door?"

Virgil was joking. But Scott froze. A flush started working its way up his neck, heat building in his face. He sensed Virgil glanced at him, then turn to face him properly.

"Scott. Did you lock the door?"

"I-,"

He did. He must've done. He mentally went over his steps as he'd arrived at the scene. He'd cleared the area, requested secrecy and security, and not done anything until the control tower had reassured him of that. They were against the clock, so he'd moved as fast as possible to get Mobile Control set up in the tower.

Scott remembered jumping clear, racing to deal with the life-threatening situation awaiting him. He had no recollection of shutting the hatch behind him, let alone initiating the locking protocol.

"Oh Scotty." Virgil was trying to sound sympathetic, but all Scott could hear was his attempt to keep his laugher under check.

"I had to get to the tower," Scott protested, albeit feebly. "I needed-,"

"You know Grandma's favourite saying about barn doors?" There was no denying that Virgil was laughing now.

Scott groaned. He dropped his head into his hands. "Dad's going to kill me."

"He doesn't need to know," Virgil said. "It didn't come up in debriefing and no harm done. Dad'll forget about it."

"I was so short with those guys about security and all along, it was my fault."

"Think of it as an exercise for Penny and Parker. It was to test their response times and understand how they dealt with a situation like that."

"And if he'd gone the other way? She'd never have been able to catch him."

"Hey." Virgil's hand landed on his shoulder, giving him a small shake. "You taught me not to focus on what ifs. Take your own advice."

Scott took a deep breath and managed to look his brother in the eye. Only for a second before shame forced him to look away, but it was a start.

"You really wouldn't tell Dad?"

Virgil looked affronted. "I'm not a snitch. No one else needs to know but us."

He dropped his hand and headed towards his room. Then he looked back over his shoulder.

"Although maybe you should add locking the door into your checklist as you rush to save the day," he added.

Scott rolled his eyes, but it was half-hearted. He still couldn't believe he'd been so stupid, so reckless, on their first mission. The adrenaline rush and thrill of knowing they'd be able to help, even when all other efforts had failed, had filled his mind.

He followed Virgil into his bedroom, watching as his brother picked up a pencil and sketch pad. At least one of them looked more relaxed than five minutes ago.

It was only their first rescue. Mistakes were bound to happen. Some through mechanical errors; others, through personal errors.

Scott had a feeling he'd never forget to shut the door again, though.

Read on FF.Net ->

[autisticaboutstufflol]

Accidental Adoptions Vinsmoke Headcanons

So Chapter 7 of Accidental Adoptions is out, and I promised Vinsmoke information! This AU for all who don't know, is Cora deciding that getting Law and the brand new baby that just got adopted into the DQ Pirates out of there is priority #1. Shenanigans occur, and now he's somehow ended up with not only Law and Dellinger, but all the Vinsmoke Siblings. Onto the headcanons!!

All Vinsmoke Siblings

They're all autistic

Are very co-dependant on each other

Distrustful of hospital environments

Reiju - 8 years old - She/Her

The second most durable out of the siblings, strong exoskeleton

Has her 'Poison Pink' abilities [Can produce poison, is immune to doses of poison that would otherwise kill regular people]

Has somewhat canon typical 'has to obey Judge's commands' modification built in [If she hears Judge's voice telling her to do something, she has to obey]

Heals the second quickest

Enjoys gardening

Helping Law out with removing the Amber Lead from his system

Ichiji - 6 years old - He/Him

Has implants in his eyes and hands to allow him to channel his red energy blasts easier

Can see further/see more detail + in fun visions [x-ray, night vision, can see shrimp colours ect.] because of these eye implants

Can't cry any more because of said implants

Least emotional due to experimentation, but is still far ahead of his canon version in terms of emotions

Likes navigation, and has essentially declared himself default captain/navigator on the ship

Niji - 6 years old - He/Him

Heals the quickest due to a combination of experimentation and a strong exoskeleton

Has super speed, which connects into the electricity powers [electricity goes fast]

Electricity powers [Can produce electric blasts from his hands, did not need implants like Ichiji because his exoskeleton was stronger]

Speaks really quickly because of his speed, sometimes forgets that not everyone processes the world like he does

Also has insane hearing

Has gotten very good at sewing because he's basically so quick he's a sewing machine. Also enjoys drawing

Sanji - 6 years old - He/Him (for now)

Most emotional out of his siblings

Has a weak exoskeleton- He's still far stronger than any normal child, but doesn't have the same invulnerability his siblings do

Does have some minor invisibility modifications [can only make parts of himself invisible if he strains himself or if he's stressed, will go full invisible if he's terrified ect.]

Everyone thinks he's got a secret extra genetic modification to talk to animals because he just makes friends with small animals constantly [He has four pet rats, Eloise, Yumi, Polly and Theia]

Loves to cook and make friends with animals

Yonji - 6 years old - He/Him

The most durable of the siblings, his exoskeleton is very strong

Both arms are half mechanical, a commenter (shout out to KitsuneNee_chan) made a remark that it reminded them of Nebula from GOTG, and I totally agree with that.

His physical modifications worked the best out of all the siblings, has had super strength since he was a baby

Has very bad sensory issues, has caused millions of berri in property damage while overstimulated

Isn't too sure what he likes to do, but absolutely loves sweet food and listening to the radio

BONUS!! X Drake Headcanons for this fic

Drake - 16 years old - He/Him

Very jumpy/skittish

An okay cook, is teaching Sanji how to use salt and pepper in moderation while making things

Good at fishing

Thinks that every zoan fruit user also has a personification of their corresponding zoan animal in their head that talks to them and will take full control when they morph into their full animal forms. He is wrong. He is mentally ill [blasts him with the OSDD1b beam]

Is very protective of the kids of the rag-tag orphanage ship that Cora has somehow gathered

[gold-rhine]

For the ask game :tell me why you love nuevi or kaeya! Feel free to talk A Lot I like your long posts

i also love reading my long posts, i wish i wrote them more asdfghjk its hard for me to just talk unspecifically about character without like pointed theme bc to me it feels like everything is obvious and everyone understands same things, why am i spelling it out.

anyway, KAEYA. my prettiest cursed princess. noble daughter of the fallen aristocratic family with generational curse coded. jon snow AND daenerys targaryen vibes at the same time. why noble daughter? bc instead of how heirs of nobles are kept close and taught to rule, his family treats him like pawn, like currency, his fate determined at his birth with no agency, sent away to another family he has to fit in. he's not a bastard, but he is half blood, and he cannot return. he's brother to diluc, but not equal, no matter how much they get along, like jon to robb stark. dawn winery is not his home, he's only welcomed conditionally, when diluc allows it. told to be "last hope", but what he's last hope of is a rotting cursed shambles of hubris. but even with how badly he was treated, he's still torn with loyalty to them, with duty, he still tried to ran away to khaenriah as a kid, just like dany wants to go to westeros. terrible prophecy hangs over him and he knows it. we don't even know if alberichs were really regents or if clothar is just delusional and sees himself forming abyss order as "regency"! he wants to walk off the stage, but he can't. and even if he could, he won't, not in the end, because against his will he still cares about people left on that stage who do not know what they are in

and he's coping with all of that by not letting people close even though he's lonely bc that curse and prophecies hang over him, bc he learnt from diluc he will not be accepted unconditionally no matter how loyal he is, no matter how good of a friend and brother he is, no matter how much punishments he takes for diluc and how he follows him like a shadow. he tried so hard to be a perfect child in dawn winery, polite and sweet and it didn't matter in the end. and now he's hating himself for secrecy and underhanded ways he was forced into as a child and deeming himself bad, finding ways to blame himself even for doing good deeds bc he's such a manipulator, treating relationships as transactions of favors to keep score, to keep in control.

mask worn for long, it grew into him and is impossible to take off now. "and they say my charm is fake" he IS naturally charming, he just had to learn to use it as a weapon. he IS sweet and interested in people, he just had to learn to get profit out of it. the worst thing he could be is himself. sad adult with a fake smile. and at the same time he's proud, he's talented, he's funny and sarcastic, he likes goofy jokes and slipping clever metaphors into silly stories, he likes writing books for people he cares about with advises on how to solve problems and deal with people, and also likes telling stories and can improvise a monologue on a stage. he should have been an actor and a writer, but duty to one father threw him into mond and duty to the other locked him into knights, so now he's just miserable, he's a hedonist, a cynic, he can't have real connections, so he will take pleasure and attention and use it for his greater means, he's coping with substance abuse, but he is so paranoid he will not be caught actually drunk bc that's weakness. he wants to belong so much, but think he's not allowed to. traveler finding him in the shadows after he tries to leave community event HE organized and dragging his reluctant ass by hand is THE theme for them tbh.

[typinggently]

I'm winging a fic real loosely over here