#whatever. btw no one asked but i actually don't have that many issues with my body image. like i think it's pretty good actually

[ikyw-t]

sigh why is swimsuit shopping actually impossible. follow up question why are bikinis considered so normal. like ok maybe it's just me. but that simply is not enough clothes imo

[kvothe-kingkiller]

I'm not the best writer when it comes to writing convincing essays or whatever, but I'm going to give this a go because it's something that I've thought for a long time that I've never seen anyone really acknowledge unless I bring it up first. (also I am sick and don't really want to do much editing here, just rambles, so good luck)

I think that when most (not all, but most) people get salty about 'modern art', they are not salty about the things people think they are salty about. When they say "this isn't art", theres an important bit that they're not articulating. What I think most of them mean is "this isn't art that should be in a museum." "this isn't art that should cost this much" "this isn't art that should be getting this kind of recognition". And there is a huge difference between that and just saying "this isn't art"

Firstly, all of the arguments about why modern art is in fact art straight up....don't apply. They don't address the problem, they don't answer the question. This isn't really anyone's fault per se, given that it is addressing the literal statement, it's just I think most people aren't actually thinking that literal statement.

So then what do they really mean? Like I said, I think they're trying to articulate why they're frustrated that this art is in a museum when "they could do it". So when you say "okay then, you do it" that doesn't address the core issue, which is "but why is this getting recognition for it, and I would get none" because yes, unless they are famous, they would get Zero recognition for it. Nobody would be lining up to buy their art, no one would ask to put it in a museum. Best place they can hope to have this displayed is a fridge door.

When you look at a piece of fine art, most can see the amount of effort put into it. They see how much training it took to get there, they see how much time it took to put those strokes on that canvas and they can go "yeah, that took skill, that took effort, not everyone can do that. it deserves recognition". And a lot of modern art does take skill, it's just skill that isn't easily noticeable to the average viewer, such as rothko's color fields, they do take a lot of skill and effort, you just can't see it if you don't know. But a lot of modern art that people complain about isn't something that has skill that's not recognized, it just requires very little technical skill at all (not a condemnation, btw).

When you're talking about something 'anyone can do' that piece's value is often not a recognition of skill, or even of the message, it's a recognition of a name. It's similar to having a gucci bag because it's a gucci bag, not because you care remotely about the bag. Yes, art isn't displayed because of how much effort went into it, but it's a huge industry that many many people are making money through from sheer name recognition alone.

Like that one painting of that one artist's (I forget which artist and my cursory google isnt finding it, but also its just an example) where it got replicated and sold to a bunch of people for a large amount of money so they could all have something that had a small chance of being a genuine painting by the artist, that's an excellent example of the fact that a lot of the gallery-level art world is Entirely about the name, not about the piece itself. If someone just made that painting but didn't say it could be from the artist, then who cares?

If you go to ringo starr's art website (https://www.ringostarrart.com/) then you can see that some of his work, especially his older work, is of that category of stuff that many people would say "I could do that" to. For instance, these two? 1,400 and 6,000 pounds respectively for a PRINT of these from his website

....okay this one I kinda enjoy.

but still. 2,000 pounds for a print.

All of this is possible because he's ringo fucking starr, he can sell his paintings for whatever he wants. If I tried to sell those for that much, I'd be laughed out of the room. All of it is just clout, it's just how big your name is and how much you can use that as leverage.

This is not to say that other forms of art don't also have this issue, they do, especially with people devaluing creative works so much today. But you could probably get a few commissions if you sell realistic art or do commissions of people's characters, while you Cannot get any money trying to sell stuff like ringos art unless you already have an audience who will buy it.

This does somewhat lead into a discussion of how art curators pick which artists are 'good' somewhat arbitrarily, but that's a whole other post.

Doing art for 'yourself' vs for other people or money is also a whole other post, one which I've actually seen quite a lot on here. But suffice to say if your response to all of this is 'just make art for yourself! Why do you need recognition?' then maybe go find some of those posts. It's not bad to want recognition, and it's not bad to question why that guy is getting much more recognition for the exact same thing you're doing just because he has a bunch of rich friends who are able to host fancy parties and go 'hmm. yes this is good art.' (not that all modern artists had rich friends, but they did almost all get Extremely lucky in some shape or another that led to them now being widely accepted as good artists).

You cannot make a living off modern art unless you're well known, and if you happen to be well known already, you could likely make a living off modern art without having any experience, and that's what a lot of people hate about modern art, even if they don't articulate it. While some would, most wouldn't say "my five year old could do that" to someone's personal piece that they made themselves and hung up in their home, or that their friend made and gave to them. They say that about the pieces bought for thousands of dollars or millions of dollars.

And I don't want people to think that I do hate modern art, I don't (though this is tumblr, so I'm pissing on the poor just by writing this). I don't hate any of the famous modern artists, I don't think modern art isn't art. I do hate the industry that says their art is suddenly worth something just because some rich fuckers somewhere decided they should be, and anything I tried to do in a similar vein, original or not, would be better suited to sit in a coffee shop and continuously marked down and never sold.

So next time you say "so why don't you make it", maybe ask yourself if you would buy it.

[spider-jaysart]

Hi!! Can I ask Damian (and maybe Dick 🙏?) for the character ask game?

Thank you, take care <3

@zephyrwrites2

Damian

Favorite thing about them: I just love his whole personality loll. He's a crazy, funny little guy that I think is really cool

Least favorite thing about them: Nothing. Only when he gets really mischaracterized by official writers who don't understand him, which happens A LOT

Favorite line: "Father, I imagined you taller."

Brotp: Damian and Jon

Otp: Damijon

Notp: Batcest, any of them that have adults paired up with him, including the canon ones Mar'i x Damian, Cassie x Damian, and Cassandra x Damian

Random headcanon: He can do ballet and it's because it's something Talia taught him while he was growing up in the league and being trained to learn many other things. He's a skilled professional at it now because of this and also bonds with his sister Cass over it and will sometimes even join her in her dancing. He also tries teaching Jon too, which can become fun for them both, and his other friends sometimes as well whenever they get curious or don't actually understand it that much like they think they do. Damian also owns a pair of green ballet slippers, but usually keeps them put away in his closet to keep them safe and clean and only takes them out when he really does want to use them.

Unpopular opinion: Okay sooo, a lot of people believe that Talia's character just gets only more ruined because of Damian's existence or whatever, but I don't believe that at all. Damian may be her son and is big part of her life because of it, but his character itself has nothing to do with hers like that at all when it comes to hateful writers choosing to write her horribly and just as another evil, lunatic villain and whatever else. Some people even say that he stole her story, but he did grow up with her during those 10 years of his, so of course he's gonna have the same life she dealt with and is also gonna have to get through certain issues from it now too because of it. But the point is that if anyone's gonna get blamed for Talia's usual trash characterisation, it should be the writers who hate her, NOT Damian who has many writers of his own who don't even treat him that well or like him that much at all either just like with Talia. Trying to pick on him is never going to fix anything about her. If Talia's ever gonna get anything better that she deserves in comics and other things, it needs to be done by writers who actually have care about her character and don't have anything weird against her that just only causes bad intentions of messing her up and then THAT'S what will finally start doing justice for her. And this not meant as an argument towards anyone or whatever btw, this is just me stating my opinion and beliefs about the whole thing

Song I associate with them: Self love by Metro Boomin & Coi Leray (Mostly because even though Damian may always put on a very confident act and always seems so prideful of himself a lot of the times, he actually has a lot of insecurities underneath all of that and doesn't actually always think so great of himself as a person)

Favorite picture of them: Definitely this very beautiful panel of him ofc💖

I just LOVE the way Gleb Melinkov draws him and gives him his Arab features without holding any of it back as well! He even gives him long lashes (longer than Flatline's even, which I noticed while looking at another panel from this series!), which I really love too!!

Dick

Favorite thing about them: I really always liked his leadership style, especially in the Teen Titans 2003 cartoon, which I grew up with

Least favorite thing about them: Only when he's potrayed as a dumb, clumsy guy in some canon stories just to lift up other characters and put them in a bigger spotlight instead. It makes no sense because he's a professional acrobat and always has been that way since he was a little kid, so how could he ever be so trippy all over the place as if there are invisible banana peels getting in the way everytime?! And he is very smart, especially with all of the important experience he has from his many years of hero work, so he's not dumb either and if he was, he wouldn't have made it so far with this kind of life because of it or ever get much done like he did because he has to overly depend on others knowledge

Favorite line: "Titans Go!"

Brotp: Dick and Starfire, Beast boy, Raven, Cyborg (I know he's friends with many others too, but this is the group I grew up with and am more attached to, so they're my fave to see together)

Otp: Dickkory because they bring the best out in eachother and have so much love for one another too

Notp: DickBabs because I just don't think they really fit that well together at all and most times Barbara just makes Dick feel bad in a lot of ways with how she usually treats him in a romantic relationship, and that's not a healthy thing to deal with at all. And then there's also Batcest and Slade x Dick (which I don't even get at all because Slade is just such a horrible, gross and very toxic guy)

Random headcanon: Years ago, back when he would used to have long hair still, he one time had it tied up in a ponytail and then a villain chopped it off in half while fighting him. Dick was pissed and really kicked their butt for doing that

Unpopular opinion: People always think of Dick as the positive, sunshine guy and then there are the ones who get very mad about it and say that he's actually the angry, tough guy because him being super friendly and happy is just too "ooc". I don't listen to any of that stuff, because I believe that he's actually both. He IS a friendly guy with a warm, charming, humorous attitude that easily attracts others, and is very much an inspiration to many because of his positive, sunshine vibes as a great, hardworking hero, but none of it makes him dumb, weak or gullible, because he IS also the type who can become very serious and gets mad when he needs to be, also doesn't actually take bull from anyone, can be chaotic and crazy, works a LOT, is independent, does have a lot of intelligence and especially experience that should never be forgotten about just because he's nice, and also definitely has the determined mind to take care of things and get them done even though others will sometimes try to tell him what to do, but he doesn't actually listen because he's not the type to easily be controlled that way like a puppy would be and if he believes it's something that needs the attention and it's what should be done and no one else is doing it, then he will do it

Song I associate with them: Annihilate by Metro Bommin, Swae Lee, Lil Wayne & Offset (because it's about being fearless, embracing self strength and individuality, and becoming a much more independent person, and I think that totally fits Dick because he's not the type to fear much and hates being stuck under Batman's shadow and having independence is something that always had an important role in how Dick's life goes)

Favorite picture of them: Well, I just found this pic of him, which was done by Travis Moore

It's very nice and really shows the struggle he goes through as a hero a lot of the times. Also, I really always liked the way he draws Dick, because he doesn't just look like everyone else and isn't sharing same face syndrome with his brothers and Bruce either, it's just a look that's unique to only him and it fits him very well. It's the exact way I always imagine him looking like whenever I envision him in my mind, even the hairstyle that's given to him by this artist too!!!

Thank you for sending this ask, I enjoyed answering it! And you take very good care too!! :)

[akuma-tenshi]

so this is a big, long rant about sexism in the idv community bc it's been on my mind lately and i need to put it out there. this is what i've observed after almost four years in the fandom and been stewing on for a long-ass time. if you don't feel like reading an essay on how annoyed some random enby on the internet is, then don't click the read more and just keep scrolling. don't interact with this post if all you're gonna do is get mad; i'm not here to piss anyone off, just make observations. and if this isn't your experience, good for you and please direct me to whatever circles you run in because i need to be there.

so, i've noticed that the idv fandom is extremely shit when it comes to how they treat female characters, and nobody really.. talks about it?? the only person i've ever seen actually discuss it used it as a way to drum up sympathy for ada. which, if you know me, you know really fucking pisses me off. because there are SO MANY OTHER EXAMPLES of sexism in this community, but no, clearly because we have sympathy for a male victim of abuse we're being sexist towards his abuser.

the thing is. there is so much to point to when you talk about how the fandom is sexist. it's very common to see female characters boiled down to just a couple traits. mary?? hot mommy step on me. michiko?? soft and gentle and demure (don't think i won't notice the weird shit about how that's a very common stereotype of asian women btw i see it). demi?? hot and drinks a lot. emma and lily are "uwu mentally ill babies". annie is soft. emily is either an irredeemable monster or a bitch, depending on who you're talking to. patricia is scary and mean. sangria's a girlboss, grace is soft and gentle, martha is spunky. and if you ask anyone their thoughts / ideas on these characters beyond those short descriptors you get nothing. i'm starting to fucking hate the word "girlboss" because it's all anyone says in response to like half these characters.

male characters are given alllllll the nuance in the world you can't talk to an aesop fan without them going into their endless headcanons / theories on why he's the way he is or how he's not actually that bad of a person or how cute he is or whatever. look at norton, or eli, or orpheus, or luca, or edgar, or joseph, or ithaqua, or any characters in that vein, and look at how the fandom treats them. look at the endless fanfictions and character studies and ships and x readers and headcanons. and then look at what female characters get. nowhere near that much.

i feel like margaretha and emily are the ones who suffer the most from this male-centric view by the fandom. they're characters who are inherently intricate, whose actions can't be explained away as entirely good or entirely bad. but that doesn't stop people from actively trying. they're going to act like margaretha wasn't being horrifically mistreated by her husband and just decided to burn down the circus for funsies or whatever. they're going to act like emily isn't trying so fucking hard to help emma and repent for what she's done. neither of them are meant to be read as black-and-white, but people will try because if they have to use more than two braincells on a female character they're going to implode.

meanwhile you get paragraph after paragraph about the intricacies of the argument between luca and alva. you get so many people analysing the relationship between norton and orpheus and how they're both kinda dicks but also both kinda have points. you get endless people defending joseph's actions bc his brother's dead and he's terrified of growing old / forgetting the people he loved / dying. you get so many fucking stories about how y'know, edgar's not that bad actually.

AND I'M NOT AGAINST ANALYSING THESE CHARACTERS!!! idv, especially in recent years, has been doing some great things with character writing. like, fuck 'em, they've got their issues, but they're still really good with some stuff and deserve credit. but don't act like it's not obvious how so many people have overlooked women (and poc, don't think i've noticed people ignoring the intricacies behind william and ganji as characters as well in favour of "himbo" and "bastard who cares", but i'm white so that's not exactly my place to talk) in favour of their favourite skinny whiteboy of the week.

they're that way with older-looking characters, too. if an idv guy has facial hair, you bet your ass he's also getting boiled down to his base traits. jose's an alcoholic, kevin is self-sacrificing and likes women, kurt is a little guy, kreacher is Awful, charles basically doesn't fucking exist anymore. but again not the focus of the talk atm.

it's just. so upsetting. esp. since most of my favourite idv characters are women but everyone i talk to about them is like "oh yeah demi's hot" or "aww annie's such a nervous little baby" or "god patricia's such a cool girlboss". and even when the shit they say is positive in a vacuum it still makes me so upset bc THAT'S NOT ALL THEY ARE!! demi is kind and loving and hardworking in the face of a world that only ever hurt her. annie's life has been an endless stream of pain and heartbreak and the only thing she really wants is freedom. patricia is literally cursed and is trying to find her place in the world.

also. i fucking hate ada but she falls victim to this too. as much as i despise the "you dislike her just bc you're sexist" thing and as horribly uncomfortable as she makes me, don't act like you haven't seen how her entire character is boiled down to how much she "loves" this man. don't act like you haven't seen how her entire character, all of her promise and potential, is forgotten in favour of that fucking trainwreck of a relationship. i bet half the fandom can't tell me anything about her other than her relationship with emil. emil suffers from this too, with his backstory and personality and life of abuse becoming an afterthought, but again, not what we're focusing on.

this is not an isolated thing or confined solely to the idv fandom. this happens in fandoms everywhere. but because idv is so close to my heart i feel like i really need to talk about it. there's so little content of female characters when there's fucking daily content of male ones. and don't get me wrong, i do like male characters. norton is literally one of my favourite fictional characters and i love talking about / analysing him. but i can guarantee a lot of people wouldn't be so interested in him if he was a woman.

sorry, just needed to get that off my chest. mandatory "this doesn't apply to everyone in the fandom" and "if this doesn't apply to you then i'm not fucking talking about you". we were so against the ashley wood collaboration bc of how much he sexualised michiko (and women in general) but like. do y'all really care that much?? bc i really don't think you do.

[the-giug]

Pregunta pregunta!!

Why do you like Romano so much??

(𓆩♡𓆪 INBOX ARE OPEN GUYS ASK ME WHATEVER YOU WANT 𓆩♡𓆪)

Oh, thanks for asking!

Ok there are different factors that made me like Romano tbh:

He is a tsundere

I must admit... I have a soft spot for male tsunderes... but I don't think this silly preference that I have influenced my liking for him, since I do have tsundere characters that I despise/don't really like (for example England is my least favourite character ever in Hetalia despite him beign a tsundere).

2. He is my country

WE GETTING PATRIOTIC WITH THIS ONE FORZA TERRONIA

3. He is funny

Romano is such a funny character to see in the show, write and to make headcanons for. It's sad the fandom wastes his potential for either crappy ships or angsty cringe fanfictions. It's also sad that he has really few screentime

4. He has a cute character design

Look at him brah

This mf is so shawty

5. Relatable as a country

Romano's problems, such as his inferiority complex and trust issues, are a reflection of real life problems here in South Italy that, sadly, are true... and this makes him relatable to many southern italian citizens, including me (Btw I DON'T KIN ROMANO, he is actually really different from how I act, just relate to him regarding the country's problems since I live here).

6. His quotes

Bro I laugh my ass off at the bunch of bullshit this mf says in every strip he is in, how can you not like him istg he's so goofy.

Ya that's it, follow this goofyaah blog for more sane content.

This Giumano art is only for my Tumblr peeps, consider yourselves lucky to follow such a beautiful and talented specimen as me

[cephalonheadquarters]

my stupid ass accidentally hit unfollow instead of ask button -_- ANGYWAYS like what is UP with c.Cemelo? Camelo>?i forgot how to spell his name the second i looked away from it THE MUTLICOLORED MENTALLY ILL GUYthag one. i have so many questions about him like why is he a freak (lovingly). why is his relationship with the big guy so inasne liek whats theier deal. im so interested (props my chin up in my hands and smiles suuuper wide) i would love to hear about them if u wanna talk about them PEACE ✌ (i mean all this genuiinely btw)

HIS NAEM CHAMELO it’s just Chameleon but also Camilo. I hope that helps..you got it close in the second try. the first one is like cementHe was forced to eat cement at 6. I'm probably going to switch around with his nicknames and name a lot (Chamy, Melo) out of habit sorry if its confusing

ANYWAYS. I'M REALLY GLAD YOU ASKED HI ok. LOTS of words soooo undah da cut they go. Also sorry if a lot of this does Not make sense trust me I don't make sense to myself sometimes

He is a freak because I really like characters like him. He's basically how my thought process works so that probably also means you're calling me a freak too(Lighthearted)

He is horrifically anxious and has got anger issues and is just real irritable in general (And probably more things.?). He has trouble dealing with his own emotions because they're often so extreme, so he does things on impulse despite overthinking a lot. He sorta contradicts himself in his thoughts and feelings and actions. Idk he's weird. Doesn't always know what he wants and has a tough time with communication. Him changing colors involuntarily depending on his mood doesn't help either if the person he's talking to knows which colors go with what feeling. He tries his hardest to hide his emotions when he wants to whether it be angry, nervous, sad, even happy, but he also knows he'll always have a dead giveaway if he feels anything ever.

(Note: Optional reading in this next part I ended up rambling↓)

I do worry about him getting so worked up because I don't want people to think that I think feeling emotions is dumb or whatever because I tend to like. Make him accidentally funny or play it off as a joke. And then I remember he feels like I do so I don't care if people get mad at me for having a character that gets upset or jumps to conclusions over little things or has a lot of inner monologue that's just freaking out because I do that a lot too. I like when I can relate to characters, I like to put things about me in my characters. People have told me that a lot of my characters have very real personalities (I LOVE WRITING PERSONALITIES) so I think I'm okay. It makes me feel extra happy when people tell me they can relate too. A lot of that didn't explain anything about him actually sorry lawl they call me the rambler

Okey anyways

About him and Diesel (da big guy)....

I don't even know where to start with them goodness gracious they're a mess. I guess when they first met. Chamy got a new job at the stupid dumb pizza place that Diesel had already been working at for a while despite almost Never showing up for (Their boss, Sharlotte, doesn't even give a darn and thinks of Diesel as a "son she never had" so he gets away with a lot). Diesel noticed Melo was new and because he is like a big cartoon bully of course he messes with Chamelo, mainly by stealing his beloved motor scooter thing.

Diesel made sure Chamy saw that he stole it, he wanted Chamelo to see him. If he wanted Melo to try to get back at him, it worked. When he finally caught Diesel with his scooter, Chamelo lunged at him like a rabid animal and they started fighting over it. Of course, Chamelo won through sheer rage and took back his scooter and Diesel hasn't taken it since then, but Melo has to let him drive it whenever they're delivering together (Because Sharlotte thought it was a genius decision to partner him up with Diesel because she thought Chamelo would die).

Chamelo holds a grudge against Diesel over that whole situation, but now he just finds himself instigating a fight with him for literally no reason (There is a reason it is because he is Gay and a Freak).

He then eventually realizes he is Madly In Love with that chimaera guy and has a meltdown about it and can't tell ANYONE or he will DIE!!!!!! And so he becomes incredibly awkward and even more annoying around Diesel

Asker (his friend he doesn't know is his friend) questions him about Diesel because they notice him being weird about him and they find out he likes him but they don't really care but one time they told Diesel that Melo is kind of a freak about him and then Chamelo punched them in the face (I drew it in [this post] except it's in inklish because I thought it was stupid it's sandwiched between a bunch of other drawings sorry. I still think it's funny though)

Umm yeah Chamelo is hopelessly in love and is quite scared about it because he's never felt actual romantic love before with another fish, only his scooter(bc. objectum...). He doesn't know how to deal with his feelings! It's like, a weird mix of hatred and yearning. So like. A hate-love. He wants to keep hating Diesel, he doesn't want to get attached to him but he already is..!! He feels like he's supposed to hate him, Chamy doesn't know what he even likes about Diesel. He wants to stop feeling like this but he doesn't want to at the same time, if that makes sense. He tries to tell himself it's a passing feeling or anything that isn't being in love.

He's scared of what could happen if they ever do end up together, that he might stop being in love and maybe it was just a passing feeling after all, and he's frustrated at the thought of Diesel never knowing about how he really feels. He doesn't know what to do about this, and most likely won't for a while. It's painful and overwhelming for him both physically and emotionally :'(

Diesel still I guess bullies Chamelo sometimes but that is just because he always does that and doesn't know anything about himself 🤣🤣😂😂AAAHHHH AAAAGHHH AHHHHHH AHHH AHHsorry. He is bisexual. He does not know that. He also shows up to work more because of Chamelo. But he also didn't realize that until they had a short one-sided conversation on Squidmas [see here].

Diesel is taking longer than Chamelo to realize he likes him, and honestly I cannot imagine a world where Diesel actually reciprocates feelings. I don't want to say he will but I don't want to say he won't. I don't know how to describe it. Something just happens I guess lol. I'll figure it out

Since then, they've been oh-so-painfully-slowly warming up to each other, still getting mad at one another, still yelling, still fighting, still absolutely Hating the other's existence...but hey...they're together more because they want to be.........AAAGHHHHHHH isn't fighting so intimate😍THEY HAVE TO STOPPPP sorry .Sorry. I'm really normal about their horrendously weird relationship that is taking Forever to get better. It's like slow-burn if you put it at 0.5x speed. Also I wouldn't call them enemies to lovers, they aren't exactly enemies nor are they lovers later That doesn't make sense but I wouldn't know how to explain it. Swagever.

At some point Sharlotte's car and a modded trizooka have to do with them (along with a couple older ocs of mine) but that doesn't really have anything to do with right now. A lot of my drawings of the two are out of order because I'm impatient lol. I want to try to not go through like. arcs? so quickly because 1. I fear the day I run out of ideas and 2. Everything has to end and I don't like the idea of finishing all of my splatoon's lives but luckily splatoon happens in real time so I have a lot of years to go if I'm That determined about my guys LOL Sorry unrelated

TL;DR Diesel and Chamelo's relationship is so complex and stupid it is almost entirely beyond my own comprehension. They hate each other so much that they want to be with each other.

Okay that's all I could think of. A Billion Thankies for asking me about them... Apologies if you didn't really need all of That for me to explain. I like to explain things ❤

[bonebirds]

I don't normally do this and I honestly feel like it's... bad, somehow, but it's a pretty small circle here and idk, I just need some kind of validation or... something? Look I'm bad at this but I am really trying /o\ Everything is just fucked and internet hugs would be nice.

Work:

ignored my original request for medical leave in March

instead tried to PIP me in April (HR intervened and was like, why? All this employee's feedback is positive and they've never been an issue?)

ignored my request for medical leave in May

granted 2 weeks PTO for me to move in the summer but my director also included things like "you will never get benefits for medical issues" and "if you have to quit, I'll help you get a job somewhere else" (paraphrasing) but that if I kept asking for time off, I'd... be... in trouble, vaguely? I'm basically treated like he wants to fire me but alas, cannot :( He does promise to look into any employee emergency funds or help given everything outside of work sounds Bad. He never does.

I emailed HR in June to be like, "my doctor is advising I stop working because I am becoming physically ill from stress and can't function, I am having daily panic attacks logging into work, and btw, my manager has been emotionally manipulating me into working through this illness despite my doctor's documentation" and never heard back.

After I moved, in September they moved me to a team where they did not train me on anything, and my health continued to deteriorate until I just didn't show up for a week and my new manager actually helped get HR involved. I was at this point visibly in meetings losing my fucking mind and calling out former managers for driving this all.

work agrees to grant me paid medical leave but will get back to me about how much of my salary I'll collect on leave. I am given Sept 20-December 31 off.

They don't get back to me at all, and I collect a full month's salary in October. NB: we get paid once a month, at the end of it. This took 5-6 weeks of ignoring the process on their end.

9 days before being paid for November, I'm told I can burn the rest of whatever PTO I have but they will not be paying for this leave. They don't tell me how much that is.

undoing pretty much any and every progress I'd made on de-stressing and recovering from everything else, triggering a shingles attack, and I have zero savings, zero benefits, and zero fucking idea about what to do aside from try to fight for paid leave

I am putting this here mostly because it's too much to hold in my head all at once, ever, and I try to break the last 9 months down and just... like, my god? I showed up to work during all of that. I asked for more and more to do. I did the training and the meetings and the job, and... I am paying out of pocket for treatment because no one there gives a shit and everyone believes the manager I emailed HR about (since fired!***) because she never documented... anything.

So I look like I did nothing for a year and then just asked for leave to cover my ass.

*human trafficking**

**I'm not kidding and I'm really fucking tired of trying to kid about it or talk around it because just being like 'haha, life events" or "drama!" is vague enough I guess people are like "yeah I stress sometimes too" when it's more like "my organs were physically shutting down from stress and I had a complete nervous breakdown when I realized what was going on" :|

*** There's so many layers to this because we were friends before co-workers but she also spent months trying to keep me in a city where I was actually in danger and gaslighting me about helping with it all so she could keep me in the city, so, you know. That was going on too?

I'm not really looking for advice (I'm in the process of looking into what legal protections I have, don't worry) so much as... I don't know. This is fucked, right? This has just reached a level of fucked where I don't know how to keep trying. I was fighting for this job because if I could just pay off another, like, ten grand of debt I'll be okay enough to breathe a little, and I like the folks I work with and it's not a bad gig, and I quit a PhD for this place, and them paying this leave was literally going to be a saving grace I so needed, and...

Yeah.

If nothing else, like, I get to be mad about this, right? I'm trying so hard to actually let myself be mad without flinching from that feeling because it's like all or nothing, I am just defeated and crying and giving up or I am breathing fire and going for their jugular, and neither is practically helpful.

I don't know, man.

But yeah there you go, that's why I had to move accounts suddenly and lost, oh, 98% of my social circle earlier this year 😵‍💫

Jusssssst.

At least typing it all out and looking at it square in the face like that is, yeah. That's horrific treatment. And worth fighting. Even if it's just a few grand, or... something. I don't know. I'm just so fucking hollow all the time again. I was just so close to somewhere less precarious, emotionally and financially.

[ottiliere]

God I absolutely love your analysis on Sasha, it’s perfectly in character while also bringing in more complexities and details that fit justtt right and it’s just so good. I love seeing people digging into his backstory bc although his memory vault was played off as a joke it’s? Pretty peculiar? And it makes you wonder what happened afterwards too- there’s so many questions left unanswered with so much potential there. Also your work is stunning! I love your use of color and shading, it makes your work so beautiful while also making the emotions feel so vivid and lively in your pieces, you also nail the expressions! I love the lineless painting look as well, it adds a unique flare! Keep up the good work :)

Thank you...!! I've been thinking about sasha passively for years and it was about time he came around to be the focus of my attention again... overall this is the magical beauty of characters who are a bit two dimensional in their source material. If they're interesting enough as a concept, you can sorta run with it and do whatever you want. Not always, but sometimes. And he's always been fascinating to me.

Regarding what happened directly after he ran away from home, the youth welfare offices (Jugendämter) of the time we're essentially in charge of where homeless youth went after being found; this was a pretty big problem following WWII due to many children being left parentless + DPs + the massive wave of expellees coming in who got separated from their parents.

Here's a general overview of the youth welfare system from a paper published in 1948 ((3) on page 43 aligns, essentially, with the concept of the Kinderheim) (x):

It should be said that even though this article describes some criticisms of the youth welfare setup at the time, overall it's quite rose-tinted in regards to how thing actually were in institutions. These places were not known for being good to the kids there. Physical/sexual/emotional abuse were extremely common, so common in fact that Germany recently held a roundtable to seek reparations for people who grew up in one due to many of them now being incredibly disabled due to what they went through (x) (x). From first link:

I don't really think he'd end up in a facility with "correctional" education, what I've noticed in my reading is that children condemned to those places were a little ODD/stereotypical juvenile delinquent and I don't think that sasha has ever really possessed the disposition to act like that... not that kids who act like this deserve to be put in horrible institutions but I'm pretty sure that goes without saying. The condition in these institutions were markedly worse than general Kinderheime (somehow), sometimes neglecting to offer basic educational services to their charges. (x)

If anything, I think he'd ask for placement himself... I've always pictured him as someone who would've been pretty respectful and obedient as a kid (neglected child not wanting to cause issues), so it kind of makes sense that he'd go by the books so to speak... find the office himself, wouldn't really steal, etc. I don't really think he'd enjoy living on the streets at ALL... the vagrant Halbstarke lifestyle is absolutely not for him. there would've been no community or sense of belonging, for him, to be found in this subculture... interesting book detailing this called Constructing and Controlling Youth in Munich by Martin Kalb btw. Check it out if you so will.

Considering that I've placed his childhood in Bavaria, a historically catholic state, it's likely that the kinderheim he would've ended up in was of Catholic denomination... HUGE amount of Kinderheime were Catholic. Don't have precise percentages but you can peruse a registry here that lists the religious denomination of every Kinderheim in Bavaria ("kath." or "ev."; on p. 78 and onward) at the time it was compiled (1948) which is a few years before I think Sasha would've ended up in one.

There's also this:

“Charitable and evangelical educational homes“ (Catholic vs. Evangelical facilities organized by year, column contents are “Heime Plätze/Betten”; home places/beds, and “Mitarbeiter”; # of staff) (x)

Some of these institutions didn't allow the children to go to school, but that wasn't very common (x). Sometimes the education was either built directly into the institution and was heavily understaffed. As an example:

Station spokesman: From a letter from the Evangelical Lutheran Deanery in Regensburg to the National Association for Inner Mission in January 1950

"There are currently 75 children in the Castle Windsor children's home, including 70 school-age children. These 70 children are still being taught by just one teacher in the elementary school connected to the home. Such a mismatch places a disproportionately high strain on the teacher, who has to teach in two sections, morning and afternoon. Despite this, the children in the middle and upper grades receive too little instruction. Each department only has 3-4 hours of instruction per day. " (deu)

I should reiterate that Bavaria is extremely catholic and loved beating children. In fact, when corporal punishment at elementary schools was banned in 1946, Bavarian parents were outraged because what if they wanted teachers to beat their children. Did you ever think of that? And then when they overturned the ban a year later 61% of the population was glad about it. Just to give you some historical context. And also to help you think about sasha's Volksschule experiences. I don't think he would've been doing anything egregious to solicit physical abuse (e.g., being disrespectful toward teachers or not paying attention/never doing his work), but I do think the absolutely was the "weird" kid who had visible tics and was harassed a lot by his classmates so it's possible they would've set something up to facilitate this happening. Not picturing this as a common occurrence.

Additionally, most children had to perform some form of manual labor for (essentially) free, since these institutions were so egregiously underfunded that the Kinderheime would just loan them as farmhands/quarry workers/etc., often even before the age of 14, though this point is not quite relevant to Sasha because I think he was ~15 when he ran away. (x)

One other potential outcome for Sasha is that he could've ended up in an apprentice home (Lehrlingsheim), but sources on these places are quite difficult to find... the main information I saw was that "In the state of Bavaria there are 66 homes for uprooted youth, which are mainly apprentice homes" (x). This article (from 1949) like the first one I sourced reiterates the "vagrant youth" placement system (might as well share link of relevant passages plugged into a translator for those curious). Looking at the first sourced document it seems they were mostly for older children (16+). Can't imagine the circumstances would've been much better here than a Kinderheim, but if anyone has information about these I'd love to see.

I could continue to go on but I won't because this is already quite long, but before I go I want to share this transcription from the US Senate committee on foreign relations in 1950 because... I enjoyed reading it I thought it was interesting and I want to share. sue me!

(source)

It's quite hard to find sources on this in english, but here's several articles for you to peruse with google translate. I looked at countless more but those are kind of lost to the ether of my web history + these are the only ones I saved. Easy enough to find if you key in some combination of "kinderheim 1950er nachkriegszeit" and jump around.

https://www.stuttgarter-zeitung.de/inhalt.kinderheime-in-der-nachkriegszeit-pruegel-bis-die-seele-bricht.c3d5ed02-68bf-42e3-a6a1-84bb7b586e14.html

https://12ft.io/proxy?q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.waz.de%2Fstaedte%2Fessen%2Ffrueheres-heimkind-dort-hat-man-uns-die-jugend-geraubt-id214824101.html%3Fservice%3Damp

https://www.br.de/radio/bayern2/sendungen/zeit-fuer-bayern/bayerische-heimkinder-nachkriegszeit-100.html

https://amp.focus.de/familie/erziehung/albtraum-kinderverschickung-wie-kinder-in-erholungsheimen-gequaelt-wurden_id_11460755.html

https://amp.dw.com/de/das-verdr%C3%A4ngte-leid/a-6323736

https://www.wkgo.de/cms/article/print/164

https://www.welt.de/politik/deutschland/article5239904/Die-Gewaltherrschaft-in-deutschen-Kinderheimen.html

https://www.welt.de/welt_print/article2795104/Die-unbarmherzigen-Erzieher-der-Nachkriegszeit.html

https://www.evangelisch.de/inhalte/150261/25-06-2018/die-evangelische-kirche-ekhn-hat-die-geschichte-der-heimkinder-der-nachkriegszeit-aufgearbeitet

[decepti-thots]

I was in the tumblr tf fandom for a hot second a few years ago and i just wanted to ask, is it still really aggressive here? because back then there was a lot of shipping drama, there were a few callout posts going around (can't really remember about what) and just...a lot of bad stuff. I personally had someone tell me to kill myself because I liked one of the villains. guess I'm just wondering if, in your opinion, things have chilled out? Cuz I'd like to get back into it but I'm a little hesitant;;;

I'm going to try and give the fullest answer I can in the best faith to this! For context, this blog is a couple years old now, I have enough followers that I get a lot of active engagement on my posts etc, I am very active in TF fandom here, Twitter, and IRL, and while I did not used to be active I have been lurking in TF fandom as long as I have been on Tumblr.

There is absolutely still some toxicity; all fandoms have their bad faith actors, their drama hounds, their shipping Diskhorsers TM. I have gotten hate mail, I know folks who have issue with weird anon haters who are persistent, whatever. But no, it is not as bad as it has been in the past, IMO, not at ALL, and it is 100% possible to have an active, sociable and nice time in this fandom so long as you curate your engagement, with basically no drama at all. Many of the worst folks burned out and left when the fandom got less active and their shitstirring paid lesser and lesser dividends, IME.

People sometimes ask how I maintain such a vocal presence without falling into the still-there drama, and I have some advice that I promise you will mitigate like, 99% of the possible issues you could encounter:

Block whenever you feel like blocking. If you get a bad vibe, if you just don't personally like someone and don't wanna see them, if you see them throwing what looks like a temper tantrum you don't want in on, just block 'em. Remember: blocking is nothing personal towards the person you are blocking. It is not insulting and doesn't need to be 'earned'. Block every single person you think not blocking might even just theoretically cause stress or drama. (I am blocked by several people for reasons no more serious than 'I hate your OTP', and I commend every one of them for doing it and having a better time on this site!)

Delete any and all anon hate. Block anyone and everyone who sends you hate. No exceptions. No witty comebacks. No takedowns. Nothing. You see it and the actual literal second you do, you block and delete. None of it is worth one second of your time. Deprived of the oxygen, they will leave. And you won't be tempted to re-read it and stress out.

In that same vein, if it causes issues, just turn anon off! Turn it off. Personally I keep it on because I simply do not care about the odd troll, but if you care even slightly? Fuck 'em, turn it off, anon is a privilege your followers need to earn by acting in good faith.

Find people you like and follow them, ignore blatant shitstirring in the maintags (again: block people!) and try to curate content and follows and mutuals based on what you do like and not what you don't. Curate positive engagement; do not rely on the general fandom slurry, find what you like and hang out in your own corner of things that bring you joy. If the maintag stresses you out: don't check it. Check the blogs of folks you know are cool instead. Stuff like that.

Fandom should be fun. Fandom should be finding people you like and sharing good times with them, not stressing about avoiding folks you hate, or who hate you. Tumblr lets you moderate how you engage, when, and where more than almost any current social media site; now you can even turn off reblogs and oh my GOD is that a lifesaver function btw. If you want, you can make your blog unsearchable! It means you will need to be more proactive in making friends. But TF fandom is pretty tight knit these days, and folks want to talk a lot of the time. You'll still be able to engage with cool people.

There's way less aggro losers around these days, but more to the point, you can absolutely avoid the ones that still insist on being annoying and starve them out without much effort, tbh.

[lucysweatslove]

TW/Content warning re: domestic violence, IPV, questioning. May be v. triggering for victims/survivors of DV and IPV especially those who were not believed. (btw it is NOT about me directly; I am in a loving and generally healthy relationship and I have never personally experienced DV (as a side-side note, one of my best friends has, we helped her get out))

So. My sister is visiting my parents atm. My mom's family reunion thing is going on rn and my sis drove up to attend. (I have just barely started to feel like Me again after Rural Site Adventure, hence opting out).

Background, p 1: my family has a fam friend we'll call N. N was a past student of my mom's, I think potentially a past client but I can't fully remember the story there. She is "in between" my parents' age and mine/my sister's- I'm not sure if she's technically a young Gen X or an older Millennial, but just to give some context regarding age. My family gave her a lot of support when she was getting her life set up, including financial support in the form of interest-free loans. When my little sis was tiny (she is very much Gen Z, still in high school), N lived with us and would help out a ton around the house, with child care, even doing things like chaperoning my dates when I was in high school. There was a bit of a blow-up idk how long ago where my mom felt like N was mothering my little sis too much and boundaries were getting mixed up, and then idk when but then they made up. I've been mostly out of the house for 12 years and totally living away from them for like 9 years, so I don't remember a lot of the specifics.

Background, p 2: My parents' relationship is not great. The gist is: a lot of infidelity from dad and my mom has a lot of emotional lability for as long as I can remember. She can get pretty mean and is prone to a lot of emotional manipulation and tactics like gaslighting, goalpost-moving, triangulation with me + my older sis, guilt-tripping, diminishing others' experiences... i mean we all do these things from time to time, but she does them very often and only on the VERY rare occasion does she take responsibility (I am not saying my dad's infidelity was caused by my mom's emotional lability or that it set off the emotional lability, and I'm not excusing anybody's behaviors; I think all of this is super multi-factorial). Early on when I was in college, before I really knew much, my dad sat us all down (with my mom, after talking with her) and confessed to his infidelity + said he was considering divorcing mom to be with the woman he was cheating with. I laid into him basically saying that running away from all of us wouldn't solve whatever lead to his cheating and make him happy. He already is once divorced (idk why/what happened with his prior marriage, he hadn't yet met my mom even so that wasn't it). I told him maybe he needs to figure out what HE needs to change rather than flitting around from person to person hoping it'll work out. He decided to stay, they went to therapy, there have been no signs of further incidence (not that it's impossible, but my mom also monitors everything his does including his whereabouts via his phone 24/7). Though my mom will say she's forgiven him, she doesn't act like it- and I get trust has been broken, but it extends further to like, financial control, eg, refusing to let my dad who is actually considered elderly now retire, won't let him buy a new speaker system while my mom takes multiple long international trips. And my parents are well-off. They have the money for all of that.

Okay now the issue.

Apparently N was talking with my sister and mentioned something about Mom and domestic violence. My sis asked if I've ever heard any of their issues phrased like that- and no, never. That alone doesn't mean much - although my mom has called BOTH of us in tearful crisis-mode before and has shared more than I think is appropriate, DV is like the one thing many victims/survivors hide and never actually speak up about.

But... my mom is not shy with her body around any of us. Not a nudist, but has no issue changing while talking with us, going to the bathroom with doors open. She has never "hidden" her body in any way at home. She will hide sometimes (choosing baggier clothing, longer sleeves or lengths) when she is out in public, but I think this is partly Mormon modesty and partly body image issues, as again, she has never taken any precautions to hide her body around us kids. In all my memorable life, I have never not once seen unexplained injuries on my mom. I have seen a few small bruises on legs or arms and not known exactly where they have come- but honestly, I would see them after she was doing manual type labor like moving wood, working outside, reorganizing the pantry, moving heavy furniture... and never bruises in a weird pattern or suspicious location, never multiple bruises in different stages of healing.

I also don't sleep well and often don't have a good 24 hr sleep cycle. I don't think I'm non-24, but my sleep/wake cycles are highly variable. My little sister would have night terrors, too, and wake up from them not remembering but also needing help settling back to bed (she would come and get me or ask to sleep in my room frequently). Since I was the only other person upstairs, I stayed up to listen for her terrors so I could be there when she woke up and she wouldn't have to toddle around to find support. This means that during middle school and all throughout high school, I very rarely slept throughout the night. This also means I heard many many many fights between my parents. I have also quietly tiptoed down the stairs to see what tf was going on more times than I can count. I have never seen any signs of physical aggression from my father in these arguments. Definitely both sides are v guilty of emotional and verbal abuse, which is still abuse and is still a problem. I'm just saying I have never seen outward aggression (hitting, punching, kicking, flailing, throwing anything at all, breaking anything, etc) nor have I seen posturing or yelling. More times than not, if somebody even raised their voice, it was my mom.

When I was a child and spanking was still a think "experts" recommended (apparently), my mom would tell my dad to spank me for a punishment, and my dad couldn't do it and would pretend- he would whisper to me that he was going to put his hand palm-up and smack his own hand so it "looked" real if my mom was watching, and I was to scream and cry so it sounded real.

My dad was a vet before he was a psychiatrist. He left vet medicine in part because he was so sad every time he had to put down an animal, or see animals being mistreated. We had many animals growing up from dogs to hamsters and rats and guinea pigs to horses and bird and fish and cats. 0 signs of aggression with them- the worst thing is when he's really mad because a dog went potty in the house he'd get kinda gruff and grumble and swear.

This does not mean that my dad cannot ever be aggressive, or has not ever been aggressive. This does not mean that when I'm not around he acts the same way. I'm not saying it is impossible, or that my mom is definitely lying or "lying by omission" and hinting that the verbal abuse has extended to physical abuse too. I'm not saying things haven't been hidden from me.

I'm just saying... in my nearly 3 decades of life, I have not once seen my dad be truly aggressive. Even while drunk- he's not aggressive, he gets giggly and silly and then tired and falls asleep. My sisters (both of them) have not seen anything, any signs. Even looking back retroactively- nothing that we can say "omg maybe that was a sign we missed." In the patterns I've seen, including where my parents don't know I'm witnessing it, my dad is a huge pushover and my mom will show more signs of anger and aggression. I am getting weird vibes from all of this, and I'm legitimately concerned about why my mom is saying / insinuating these things.

Edit bc I forgot a part that I wanted to share but got too distracted.

My mom also has had some health stuff. She has MGUS which is kinda like a blood pre-cancer, specifically for her it’s like pre-multiple myeloma, but progression is slow and prognosis is overall good. But, this was discovered during workup for pernicious anemia. There’s no real known time frame for how long she had pernicious anemia. B12 deficiency (a main cause of pernicious anemia) can lead to a host of psych stuff including cognitive slowing, confusion, changes in memory, depression, and sometimes even delirium or acute psychosis. She did do B12 shots but it’s been a while since she’s done them, I think. But during that time, her memories were WEIRD. Like she would mix up things between us kids frequently, invent random and totally benign memories (she was convinced I not only ran track in 4th/ 5th grade but was really good at it, when reality was I tried to get out of running in PE because it hurt my throat/burned to breathe while running).

When she was a child, there was also possibly some DV in the home? It’s kind of unclear what exactly happened, but it’s a real possibility. My granny had some form of psychosis at one point- again not sure exactly because this was a long time ago (my mom’s a boomer) but I was told had a gyn condition that would cause her hallucinate/send her into an acute psychotic state, and once she had a hysterectomy, she was better. There was speculation it was ovarian cysts (per my mother; also, not PCOS) but never a confirmation. I have had a burst ovarian cyst that sent me to the hospital and I thought I was dying from the pain, but no psychosis. Anyway. My sis and I wonder if she had a teratoma and had autoimmune encephalopathy.

The point tho, my granny would hallucinate something like dishes in the sink and tell my mom to do them, but there wouldn’t be any dishes to do. So then granny would think she was blatantly disobedient, and punishment back then sometimes was corporal. I don’t have details from my mom, so I don’t know what happened, but we now know that any corporal punishment is detrimental and essentially DV, so regardless of how far it went, it’s problematic.

So, what I’m getting at: my mom has historically had B12 deficiency bad enough to have serious pernicious anemia, and my sis and I noticed a major cognitive shift around that time. She would mix up memories all the time. Since she’s had it before, she could develop it again. And that could lead to increased irritability, cognitive change, MEMORY issues. And she likely has very real DV memories.

Me, wanting to see best in everybody bc I’m just the perfect picture of an optimist (sarcasm), wonders: what if my mom currently has pernicious anemia and B12 deficiency again to the point her memory and cognition are all kinds of messed up, and she’s confusing her real memories from her childhood with my dad? Especially if the same feelings (eg powerlessness) came up.

[yonemurishiroku]

i know you said you haven’t figured out it out yet but i’d like to hear any thoughts or random ideas you might have abt nezha & nico, either in general or in the time travel verse 👩‍🏫

Wow I didn't expect someone would actually be interested in this... Well, all the more motivation to be enthusiastic, then. xD

You're right that I've yet to figure out their connection, however, I can tell a little about that that drew me to the idea of them in the same picture.

The first would probably be their characterization.

Both are painted in black and white, of kindness and the flaws within. Afaik, the whole thing about Nezha is that he's a naughty, carefree, uncontrollable menace yet also kind in his own ways. He did so many wrongs and he tried to do just as many rights to make up for it. It's similar to Nico, in the way that they are kind at heart, yet can appear evil in others' eyes for some reason. And yes, they both have committed conventional horrible. Hell, Nezha peeled off Ao Bing's spine or st. Would you look at that, Bryce?

Grudge-holding. Now, I'm not saying I fancy what Rick did to Nico's fatal flaw, but talking in canon here, Nico held his sister's death against Percy (and himself) for quite a while; whereas Nezha, having died and was reborn again, literally came fighting his father because the man ruined his temple, where his soul resided. Like. If that isn't one hell of a grudge then I don't know what is.

Their spirits, their willpower, the prowess they possess despite their young ages. They are both so fierce, unstoppable, and resilient. Nezha is portrayed as a literal child in Chinese mythology, but his story is one hell of a ride (ya know, with all the slaying dragons, carving up his own flesh...). Idk about you but it gives me an impression of how intense Nezha might be, which is quite a reflection of Nico's story and characterization. Because Nico is... extreme, too, and you can't possibly tell me Nico's life story, with all that Tartarus and torture in the jar, isn't a grand tale in its own way. Alas, against all odds, they both emerge victorious. I love them.

They're both freaking powerful too, btw. But again, I guess every mythological figure is powerful in its own way.

Idk about you but I think Nico and Nezha should be allowed to sit down together and trade gory, creepy, bloody stories about themselves just to scare everyone else.

2. Their backgrounds, their stories.

They both have daddy issues omfg. Nezha literally fought his father, who ruined Nezha's temple, to the point of interference from other deities. And while I love Nico and Hades's love with everything in me, they did have a strained relationship throughout PJO. Hades told Nico he would prefer Bianca over him, and later nearly fired a ball at him. If that isn't parallel I don't know what is.

Their mothers love them so much I'm crying. Nezha's mother, Lady Yin, carried him in her womb for years and built him a temple when he asked her in a dream. And I suppose we don't need to talk about Maria anymore.

They are both, technically, 'prince's LMAO. Nezha is known as the Third Crowned Prince (or whatever that is bc Chinese is so hard to translate into English omg) and Nico is well, Nico. Their fathers are both technically kings, as well. Hades because obviously, Li Jing is known as one of the Heavenly Kings. And if you really look into it, Nezha is a commander of Heaven's army, directly under his father, whilst Nico is the Ambassador of Hades. Wow.

They are viewed as awful in people's eyes but still took efforts to help. I'm gonna admit my viewpoint might be altered by the Nezha (2019) movie. Nonetheless, I find it quite interesting that Nezha and Nico, though being scorned and ostracized by their kind, ended up being their saviors. Nezha killed himself when the Dragon King threatened to flood his hometown, and Nico went such lengths to aid the Seven with their world-saving quests. This is also proof of their kindness, which I adore so much, btw.

Feud with the sea. Well maybe not feud in Percy and Nico's case. A sensitive topic. History, maybe? Lol. Anyway, the fact remains that both Nico and Nezha share an unpleasant history with a son of the seas. If you take Nezha (2019) into consideration though, they both make peace with said animosity too! xD

They both befriend their old enemies. I'm talking about Wukong and Bob. It's fascinating, in a way lol.

These are everything I can come up with so far... Huh. I didn't expect them to share so similarities... I'm serious about Nezha and Nico having a bonding session now. These two are deemed to be besties.

It doesn't need to be in the Time Travel AU. Nico crash-landed in China before, didn't he? Maybe, Idk, Nezha was sent to investigate, and they ended up friends because Nico is as social as a capybara and Nezha has all the purity and generosity of a carefree child who fears nothing.

...I'm so deep in this omg...  

Anw, if you want to share your Nico and Nezha content, I'm all ears!! xD

[rainbownixie]

do you have any enby mike wheeler headcanons? asking for a friend

your friend is very nice! please tell him he's one of my favorite mutuals if you see him! <3

and i have SO MANY enby mike headcanons omg- btw they're still in the 80s here.

obviously the first one is that he HATES the name "michael". he hates hearing it and writing it and always asks for people to call him just mike. he doesn't have any issues with the party, but it's hard being at home because karen always uses his deadname.

he comes out to, surprisingly, max first. because she's also enby (she isn't actually like openly enby, she just is) and won't stop complaining about her name and clothes and the way she hates people seeing her as a girl. mike would probably hear that and say "but you... are a girl..." and then max would respond with "i can be whatever the fuck i want. no one should tell us how to feel about ourselves". and there's a long, long silence until mike says "i think i'm not a boy, either". and max understands.

he borrows clothes from nancy. not too feminine stuff yet, because he doesn't want to stand out much, but he likes stuff like her shirts and pants and coats. she doesn't find out until one day where she catches him trying on one of her dresses. and mike is scared and tries to lie about it, but ends up confessing that he doesn't know who he truly is. nancy helps him with his makeover and supports him <3

mike actually ends up not liking too much feminine stuff. it makes him feel like a girl, and he isn't a girl. but he also doesn't want people to think he's a boy, because he isn't one either. so he mixes shirts and clothes to be more androgynous. but none of that helps because, what he truly wants is for people to see him as just... mike. and not a boy.

he doesn't care about clothes much, but having long hair helps him. he doesn't look like a girl but he doesn't look like a boy either. it's perfect.

he ends up coming out one day to the party in one of their sleepovers. they are playing dnd (max and el included) and he, besides being the dm, is also playing as the paladin (which is truly hard bc he's doing two things at once and dms don't really do that but idk make it a npc or something it's just a hc). and he tells the party that mike the paladin is, indeed, not a boy. or a girl. and he looks at his friends, begging for them to understand what he means. they're all in silence at first, but then dustin keeps playing as if nothing happened and the others follow. will smiles at him from the other side of the table.

when he starts dating will, mike is scared of will leaving him for being like this. which is a dumb thought, and he knows that. but he can't help but to stop wearing nancy's stuff or talking about his struggles because he just... wants to ignore it in case will won't like him anymore. when will asks, mike tells him the truth and will comforts him and tells him that, no matter what, he will always love him. he's his partner, and will loves that about him.

on dysphoric days he pretends to be sick to not go to school, and always calls will because he doesn't want him to worry. will always goes to his house after class to spend time with him and tries to distract him.

dustin always corrects everyone (even parents) who refers to the party as "guys" with "party". he says it's because he wants to include both max and el, but mike knows he does that for him.

when they play videogames and lucas is the one choosing, he always chooses a game that doesn't make you choose gendered characters. he knows mike has a hard time with that.

will holds his hand in class without other people noticing (i still can't get over the fact that they seat next to each other- robin move on it's been years since s2-) every time mr.clarke says his name.

max and him bond over that! they start hanging out to complain about their struggles being enby and they end up actually not hating each other! they enjoy their time together, tbh. and mike always says "max" is way cooler than "maxine".

dustin comes up with the idea of using they/them for max and mike, and they love it! mike ends up using all pronouns (mostly they/them, tho) and max asks for the party to use he/they!

i love the idea of karen actually noticing mike hates being called michael, so she starts calling him just mike. she also notices the way he now dresses (he only gets to do it at home or hanging out with the party- although it isn't very feminine either but- y'know- he doesn't want to get bullied in school) and says nothing about it. she just smiles, and mike feels so so loved.

will always avoids gendered pet-names and names for mike!

i could keep going but this is long enough i think!!! thanks for the ask <3 yours are always the best ones!

[cyanidefilledcandy]

So....

I would absolutely love to stream right now, but I'm inable to.

One, because of whatever LOVELY person is blasting music like this is a fucking rave.

And two, and most importantly, I just am exhausted and don't have the energy for it; even after just waking up from a 1 and half nap.

And of course, I've narcolepsy to thank for that.

So, I recently went to a neurologist. I was hoping to finally get my face pain addressed and hopefully, diagnosed. But my new primary instead set me up with a sleep specialist. (I did not ask for, nor want this, btw. As I told the new sleep doctor, Narcolepsy is something I've just learned to live with and I'm manage it fine. It is not the severe, fall asleep at a split second kind, so I see no harm.) However, since my sleep study was so long ago and he'd likely be unable to get the records, he set me up with another that I had done last week. He said it might be something I have to "just deal with anymore" because that's been almost 15 years ago and medicine has advanced since then. He also said that there was a possibility I'd been diagnosed through process of elimination or that no other diagnosis fit at the time. So, I agreed, mainly for that last reason and because I was just curious.

So, I had it done and in it, I slept WAY better than normal and during the day, I couldn't sleep at all. (They ask you take naps throughout the day and only give you 20 minutes to do so. I don't care how tired I am, I could be literally passing out while standing, it I HAVE to sleep and especially if I know I have a small amount of time to do so, I can NOT sleep....like no matter what.) So, I was worried that the results wouldn't be accurate, one. And two, that I WASN'T actually narcoleptic and their was something else unexplainable going on (and thus, I'd have to start the process all over again).

Well, got the results today and I am 100% narcoleptic, though at this point in my life, that's a big Duh, but finding out what's wrong with me is always nerve-wracking. Anyway, they want to try me on some new medication for wakefulness during the day and......honestly, it's the whole reason why I didn't want to bother with any type of sleep study.

I'm not entirely sure why that kind of medication in particular makes me nervous. (And just now starting to wonder if I did indeed try some before and had a bad time because I honestly can't remember.)

But I think for one, it's a new medication. I have ALWAYS HATED medication with a passion and never want to be on too many pills.

Two, I'm worried about my insomnia. She mentioned that the staying awake or alert throughout the day can sometimes improve insomnia, but I'm 91% sure my insomnia is mostly anxiety and depression based. She also mentioned that getting regulated sleep can sometimes help with that....and that leads to another, unforseeable problem that arose.

They made me sign some kind of controlled substance contract and while I did scan through it and think I have a basic understanding, I have so many other issues that are far more pressing and I don't want to have issue with medications for those way more important things because I'm on some stimulant that I honestly don't want to be on. While my sleep definitely has an effect on my mental health, no part of me believes it's a CAUSE.

I have had mental health issues since I was a toddler; long, long before any type of sleep issues arose. So, *sigh*.....IDK. The whole thing just makes me nervous....

But, I AM willing to try. Maybe it DOES have an effect on my issues with my concentration and being able to complete tasks, especially my artistic pursuits (though again, I don't think it's the root). I will give it the college try, but if it keeps me up at night, or I just don't feel like it's doing anything, I will stop.

[absolutebl]

Hey! I have two questions to ask you if you don't mind! Sorry for pestering you with kinda stuff but you are real insightful and help me to sort out my own internal feelings on things!

Is it just me or do very, VERY few BL's ever manage to stick an engaging,solid ending?

Out of all the BL's I've watched, the only ones I can name that truly nailed the ending imo are:

- HIStory 3: Trapped (imo. I know the ambiguity isn't appealing to you.)

- Bad Buddy

- My Beautiful Man

- His (The Movie)

- Blueming (The series itself is rife with pacing issues to me, but I think it stuck the ending really good.)

- Gaya Sa Pelikula

Some can come close enough for me;

- Theory of Love (yeah, yeah, I hate Khai too but the ending was nice imo)

- ITSAY/IPYTM

- TMS1 (suffers a bit from the HDS's consistent struggle with pacing towards the latter end of all her work )

- Old Fashion Cupcake (so close!!!)

- Restart After Come Back Home

- Cherry Magic

Most BL's introduce nonsense conflicts towards the end of the series with the Epsiode 11 drama (shivers in 2gether). I can't stand it when the final conflict comes out of LITERALLY nowhere instead of having been a continued issue that is resolved towards the end (think Cherry Magic, Utsukushii Kare, Bad Buddy, etc.)

Going further, they never seem...satisfying for whatever reason and I can't pinpoint why that is. I'm not necessarily left wanting more but feel like what I was given was unsatisfactory. Think a more subtle version of the feeling of seeing Vee/Maek end up together in the En of Love version (or Khai/Third for you I guess).

I wonder looking at it now if my hatred for the seme/uke trope has spoilt so many couples for me that I find any ending where they get together as unsatisfactory (I love The Effect btw. Can you guess why lmao?). All the shows in my best list are either very low on Seme/uke dynamics or have a very soft seme archetype (Blueming) / very unique seme archetype (MBM).

God I should just get over this contempt of seme/uke fuckery. Its ruined so much for me (from WBL, to UWMA).

Know how? Also, is there any particular reason you see as for why BL's fail to stick the landing? Or am I making this up?

Second question is simple. Why do BL couples often become boring when they get together and are happy? Is it just that the chase is over? And if so, what can be done to keep such a story engaging if anything at all?

Now that I read this back, it definitely isn't two questions as much as a set of compound ones but eh, here goes nothing.

Is my unhinged ranting coherent at all?

Honestly you named a lot of ones that I dinged points specifically because I didn’t like their endings. Old Fashion Cupcake and Cherry Magic would probubly have been 10/10 for me if the characters had just kissed at the end. And I say this totally aware of Japanese cinematic traditions that dictated why they wouldn’t, I’m just grumpy. 

To answer the second question first:

Why do BL couples often become boring when they get together and are happy? Is it just that the chase is over? And if so, what can be done to keep such a story engaging if anything at all?

Yes. This is the problem every romance series contends with. This is why most romances end with the couple getting together (sex, engagement, marriage), This is why I don’t like second seasons, they usually have to separate or break up the couple to give the story tension. 

And now... your unhinged ranting!

It makes perfect sense, and I think you either 

don't really like 3 act structure (did you watch a lot of anime growing up, per chance? maybe not so much (or really dislike) Disney stuff?) or, 

more likely, you don't actually like romance.

Not the idea of romance, but the classic romance novel beats and pacing. The Taiwanese and Thai stuff in particular tends to stick to that consistently. (Hence the ep 11 crisis of doom, AKA the unnecessary break up.)

Korea has a western romance aesthetic but they often shoe-horn in 4 act structure, which is why we get that (to me) super weird disjointed thing in Kdramas where they break up the couple (or separate them with time/distance) in the last 1/3 of the final episode and the rush this odd reunion thing in the last 10 minutes. I find this maddening, but it does mean that their non-BL billed and early gay short stuff might appeal to you. 

You don't mention it but Thousand Stars is probubly the most classically paced and executed romance novel in BL form that we have ever gotten. How’d you feel about that ending. I’d also be interested in your thoughts on Seven Days (of course) as that’s Japan’s version of the perfect love story. 

I think you probubly like more experimental narratives and arthouse cinema styles. I’d encourage you to check out short form BL, especially those from Strongberry (Korea) on GaGa. Also Dark BL depending on your squick factor. 

But honestly from what you said it seems like you’re a prime candidate for the following:

Moody Arthouse Smackdoodle

Your Name Engraved Herein (Taiwan 2020 Netflix) - this movie is fantastic but it is also seriously depressing, it’s a self acceptance journey, but if you wanna wallow in high quality acting and serious gay drama, this’ll do it. It’s nto a super sad ending, it’s not happy either. 

Goodbye Mother AKA Thua Me Con D (Vietnam 2019 Netflix) - like YNEH this is a great movie but it deals openly with homophobia, bashing, family trauma and social acceptance.

The Cornered Mouse Dreams of Cheese AKA Kyuso wa Chizu no Yume wo Miru (Japan 2020) - obsession, cheating, breakup, reunion, then break up again, explicit, grey characters and grey concepts including morality. 

Pornographer movie series - AKA The Novelist, Mood Indigo, Pornographer Playback (Japan 2018-2020) emotional manipulation, cheating, obsession, seduction, May/December (age gap AKA younger/older), kink, touch of necrophilia, explicit, complicated but ultimately... not sad.  

Method (Korea 2017) - May/December, actor idol pairing, that should have been everything I wanted in life but it’s more about the actor cheating on his wife and their weird “artsy” relationship and frankly, I hated this. And I don’t say that lightly. The chemistry and acting can’t be faulted though and the story is... interesting. 

His the series AKA I Didn’t Think I Would Fall In Love (Japan 2019) - boy goes to visit his absent father ends up kinda homeless on the beach gets adopted by local family falls in love with the boy working and living with them. Lots of long drawn out glances. Wistfully pretty. 

Innocent (Taiwan 2021 GaGa) - mental health, childhood trauma, actually kinda sweet.

Does the Flower Bloom? (Japan 2018) - this is a May/December romance about an artist student and the house he inherits from his recently dead parents and all the people around him who are obsessed with him, including an older man. 

Dark Blue and Moonlight (Taiwan 2017) - maybe? You like some of my least favorites, so this might be your thing. I sure as shit wasn’t mine but also it HAD ME HOOKED even though I didn’t want that. It’s the warped version of a CEO romance. 

Also the “it’s a BL but I make no case for it” category: 

Life: Love on the Line (Japan) - you would probubly NOT like the directer’s cut (which I prefer, of course) that ending is too saccharine, so go for the original. 

Silhouette of Your Voce (Japan) You are one of the few people I think would really like this one. 

Not Me (Thailand) - you don’t mention it but I assume you’ve seen it 

Manner of Death (Thailand) - same 

3 Will be Free (Thailand) - same, if not, watch this next  

What Did You Eat Yesterday? (Japan) - there is not plot, so yeah, maybe that’ll work for ya? 

Long Time No See (Korea) - SO GOOD, but edgy and twisted too 

DNA Says Love You (Taiwan) - maybe. This one is... odd and oddly paced. 

Joujou Pure Heart (Japan 2010) 

Great Men Academy (Thailand) 

Oh right and the bromance dirty half dozen:

Untamed

Word of Honor 

The Guardian 

Devil Judge 

SCI Mysteries 

All of these have ambiguous ends, and ambiguous (cough cough not gay)  relationships. 

[tuiyla]

have you ever felt like Blaine (like Rachel) also suffered from oversaturation? I watched Glee while it aired and remember feeling like he was getting almost as many solos as Rachel in the later seasons.

I appreciate this question because it gives me the opportunity to whip out the old singing stats for a second. But first, to answer the question, yes. Yes, I've felt like that. Particularly with solos that felt very, hmm, "let's give Darren a song to sing so it can do numbers on itunes". To be clear, that's not a judgment of Blaine's character, who I actually wish benefitted from the screentime his number of solos came with and had more character moments instead. But already in season 2 most of the Warblers numbers were Blaine solos and then there were ones like the prom solo INGTYBHTDWY, which not only am I not gonna write out but which imo is unjustifiable in-universe. He doesn't even go here! And that's not me saying the song is bad or that he "doesn't deserve any solos" or whatever, just that it did result in the oversaturation that you speak of, and in me sort of tuning out for a lot of the solos that felt like they were just filling a quota of Blaine solos than progressing the story. I don't think it was that big of an issue, but certainly noticeable.

Now, that's the how it came across to me, personally part. The other part is the cold hard facts and the numbers. Since you mentioned it feeling like he almost got as many as Rachel, I took it upon me to nerd out a tiny bit like I used to on reddit.

Based on the criteria I have for my handy database of Glee songs, 44 songs can qualify as Rachel solos and 29 as Blaine ones. That difference is mainly put into perspective when comparing these top 2 solo-ers to the third-place Mercedes, who had 24. Because Blaine is much, much closer to Mercedes than he is to Rachel, isn't he? Though, keep in mind that he wasn't in season 1 at all.

Broken down by seasons, Rachel's and Blaine's solos:

In seasons 2 and 3 already he's just one solo behind and even has the distinction of singing more than Rachel in season 4. That anomaly is counterbalanced with the season 5 decline and then Blaine doesn't get any solos in season 6 at all, but if we're gonna compare the two it's clear that Blaine could indeed hold a candle to Rachel.

If I may, this ask has inspired me to look at one more chart and that's average number of solos per appearance. Because, as I mentioned, Blaine managed to score more solos than Mercedes despite missing an entire season so I think that's interesting to look at as well. So here's a chart showing this average of solos per appearance, adjusted for the episodes characters actually appeared in. Apart from Rachel and Blaine, we have the next four characters with the most solos.

Now, keep in mind that these are small numbers we're talking about* but they still reflect the truth of solo distribution in Glee. Rachel's lead is such that she's still ahead of Blaine even adjusted for number of episodes, but the gap is now smaller between Blaine and Rachel than between him and Mercedes (relatively). And then Mercedes' lead ahead of Artie and Santana is considerable; keeping in mind, she had 29 solos and the latter two 16 and 14 respectively. Just to note, Santana having fewer solos but the same average as Artie means that she was better utilized overall, in this sense. Santana had the same number of solos in fewer overall episodes, and she was barely featured in season 1, so. Just a sidenote. And Kurt is again much closer to these two than the gaps we see previously. That's true for all things Glee singing stats, btw. Once you get past the top 3, sometimes top 5-7, the gaps seem pretty minuscule compared to these big numbers up front.

*Small as in Mercedes had a quarter of a solo per episode small.

Not sure you expected numbers when you sent in this ask lol but here they are anyway. Again, to answer with subjective feelings, yeah I did feel like Blaine was oversaturated but I only minded when there was no rhyme or reason plot and/or character-wise. Same with Rachel, actually. Far from Glee's biggest problem but since some of the major issues were results of time constraints, too much singing not enough plot didn't help.

[muninnhuginn]

Ask game— i saw u rb odd taxi so let’s go with odakawa! I didn’t take a good look at the questions so I’m just gonna put some random ones here…2, 4, 5, 6, and 8!

Thanks for asking!

Full disclaimer that I still need to give this a full rewatch at some point, because I watched when it first came out, so my memories are somewhat faded.

2. When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like)

I liked him from fairly early on tbh. His personality type of lowkey but snarky is always fun, and the show is good at letting him bounce off others in amusing ways. That said, the moment that really recontextualised his whole deal for me and gave me a much greater appreciation of his character was definitely the whole diary reveal.

[Huge spoilers below btw if anyone reading this hasn't seen the series]

I'd been keeping up with the various reddit threads after each episode etc so the fact his furryvision wasn't actually reality wasn't the bit that threw me nor the car accident stuff (given it had been hinted earlier with the cop brothers). It was the revelation that yeah, even though he had the physical brain injury, it wasn't really the "root" of his problems but more a mechanism through which he ended up expressing his psychological issues. At this point, he was using the whole viewing people as animals shtick as a way to allow him to interact with them? That it was his escapism given form. The psychological element of his denial had somehow entirely gone over my head until that point, but in retrospect it made so much sense. A lot of his "quietness" I'd taken as him just kinda chilling/deliberately ignoring annoying people was actually anxiety-driven? Like, don't get me wrong, he very much *does* get fed up with people and his natural state is very low energy. But he was only able to get to where he was because he had a coping mechanism to allow him to interact in the first place. And him seeing people as humans again at the end showed he was growing in the right direction.

It was just this whole new layer I'd somehow entirely overlooked, but was there all along.

4. How many people I ship them with

5. My favorite ship of them

Ended up merging these two together for reasons.

Okay, I won't lie. I'm pretty vanilla when it comes to ships and tend to err on the side of whatever makes most sense to me within canon. So, in this case, I probably just ship him with the one person, Shirakawa. They have a neat dynamic. One which honestly doesn't get explored particularly much (nor does Shirakawa herself, staying largely as a noir-like insert), but which would be fun to see developing further. I'm not super invested honestly, but Odokawa does clearly have a crush on her, and she is very willing to be the one to make the moves in turn (at least once they've straightened things out with each other)

It's a weirdly mature relationship for an anime, where they're both willing to see where it goes rather than leaping head first.

(If forced to pick another character, maybe Dr Goriki? They both share interests with each other and Goriki definitely cares for Odokawa more than a regular doctor would.)

6. My least favorite ship of them

See, it's not necessarily that I dislike this one, but it's probably the option that would mess him up the most so, Dobu. They would be such a fascinating trainwreck of emotional manipulation.

8. Your favorite outfit of them

I'm here wracking my brain trying to remember if he has any style whatsoever and drawing a blank. Uhhh, I appreciate his commitment to wearing caps. But otherwise, he's pretty bland, clothing-wise. Which makes sense from a character perspective, but kills me a little inside even so.