#when i first Transed my Gender i started cutting my own hair for the first time

[marvus-xoloto]

I don’t know if you’re taking requests but I just had my sister cut my long hair despite my gut telling me not to and I hate it and I feel so ugly , my hair is my comfort and was wondering if I could get a comfort fic with Mallek reassuring reader they’re not because I’m having a hard time convincing myself, I’ve been crying for like 2 hours now

i am always taking requests! It just takes me a while to write them sometimes lol ;-;

so sorry to hear about your hair <3 I hope this helps even a little bit! also sorry it took so long to post lol. i used this prompt as a warm up and forgot to post it

___

It was bound to happen sooner or later on Alternia: absolute disaster.

You like to think you'd made you peace with the idea. Brutality? Well, all trolls are bastards, you're used to it. Violence? It's just foreplay on Alternia, and these funky little ant people want you so bad it makes them look stupid. They better start calling you cordyceps 'cause you got these bitches going to lengths once they've got you on the brain. And drone strikes? All you have to say to that is: you've befriended worse. Murder clowns; weeaboos and gamers; a verified nice guy, even. Drones got nothing on a heated gamer moment.

So what gets you in the end... it's the overconfidence, surely. Your sudden courage; you think it happens with an "oops" or an "uh-oh."

The important part is: it happens at all.

Because here's the thing they don't tell you about Alternia: even you- with your pal-ietal lobe, your cerebell-chum, your god damn penchant for being just the friendliest little guy- are alone with me, myself, and I at the end of the night. All you've got is that dude in the mirror who only talks back when you're at your most sleep deprived.

And that dude in the mirror has one fucked up 'do.

Fuck.

___

The solution is obvious: you've fucked youself over with Occam's razor, may as well use it. Who else do you know has fucked up hair?

Well, all of your troll friends. Tagora especially comes to mind. But who else has intentionally fucked hair?

Mallek lets you into his hive without a word about your impending flop era.

It might be thanks to the hood drawn up over your head; thank god for Mallek's hoodie.

"What's up?" he asks. You're still learning to read him; his smirk never quite reaches his eyes, but then again, neither do any of his other expressions. "If you're planning on robbing the hood, I'd appreciate if you didn't display my sign." He flops down on his sofa, grabbing another slice of pizza and handing you the blue plastic plate as if your hands aren't shoved anxiously in your hoodie pocket. "Or at least rob something really cool and subversive. You know, flushed affirmation day is coming up-" it isn't, "-and I've always wanted a Namaaq original."

His desperate attempt to act like everything is cool means so much; you almost believe it, with his smudged eyeliner and his dichotomous face.

"Already stole everything I wanted," you say, sitting gingerly on the edge of the couch, pressing your fingers to his chest. It's a small comfort; his heart beats so slow where yours is beating in a near frantic state.

"Just the one? You know I've got about five more?"

"Hearts?"

He smirks again, but this time his eyes join the party with a little tilt-o-whirl and the light that comes with it. "Hoodies." He takes a bit of his pizza, chewing through a smile.

He gestures at you with his half-eaten slice. "So what's the deal tonight? Breaking and entering? Defamation of property?"

"Defamation of person, maybe," you say. And with a thrill of anxiety, you pull the hood down.

"Damn," he says. He chews down the crust. "You look fucked up."

Well, he didn't have to say it. Damn gamers and their blunt demeanors. Tears sting at your eyes; maybe this was a mistake.

Mallek looks suddenly very distressed, running his hand through his own hair and eyes wide. "Fuck, I didn't mean it like that." He's panicking now, which at least is endearing enough that you can momentarily shove aside your upset. He looks around wildly, before handing you another slice of pizza. Another blue plastic plate. His white flag, his peace offering.

"Help," you say, in a tiny, mousey voice. Because it's the only thing you can say without falling to pieces.

___

It takes some manoevering, three more slices of pizza, and a few paragraphs of skipped exposition before you're sat in Mallek's gamer chair, with Mallek's hands in your hair, and Mallek's razor buzzing away behind you.

It's terrifying; hasn't your look suffered enough?

"You're going to get my hair stuck in all the noo- crevices," you catch yourself just in time.

"Yeah, well I've got a fan."

"Human hair is finer than troll hair."

"Heh. Got a leafblower, too."

"Do you really?"

"Yeah." You turn around in his chair to really look at him, give him a hard left face to the face. "Really," he repeats emphatically. "How do you think I got around before I saved up enough allowance for a hoverboard?" He jerks his horns to one of several piles of junk that litter his hive. You wouldn't have seen it if he hadn't pointed it out; a leafblower connected to both a skateboard AND a flamethrower. That is indeed Alternia's stupidest- and, possibly, deadliest- private transportation.

You're shocked. "Does it work?"

He scoffs. "Does it work? Do you feel any hair in those crevices?" He kicks at the seat; several meals worth of crumbs rain down.

You do, regretfully, find yourself suddenly aware of tiny bits of your cut hair in your own crevices. You wonder if he'll let you take a shower, or if he's going to try to prove a point with that leafblower.

"Your deflecting," he says, grabbing you by the top of your head and straightening you out. He clicks on the razor and you must visabley tense, because his hand on your head goes suddenly tender. "What's the big deal? I've been cutting my own hair for sweeps."

"What if I look stupid?"

"Do I look stupid to you?" He fluffs up his hair with his off hand, looking like the world's sexiest cockatiel.

There's silence between you. Mallek's face is so transparently pleading with you: please laugh, please feel better.

"It's just..." you trail off, fiddling with the hem of your stolen hoodie. "I've always been a person with hair that was a certain length, and-"

Mallek interrupts you with a swipe of his razor against your scalp.

"Hey!" your hand jumps to the clean shaven spot; it's fuzzy like a kiwi.

"You'll learn," he says, pitching his voice low, "to be the person with this length hair." He pulls the last lock out of your face before shaving it, kissing you on your now exposed scalp. "Or this length hair," he tickles you on the jaw with the lock of hair he just shaved off. "You're gonna look so punk, babe."

And so it goes. He doesn't shave your whole head; just a small part of the side.

"Did I ever show you my first shave?" he asks, wiping down his blade once he's finished.

He doesn't wait for your answer, shoving his palmhusk in front of you. The picture is of preteen Mallek, complete with lime-green soda tab necklace and striped arm bands and shaggy, wavy hair with a shaved patch right at the side, all right angles.

"Wow," you can't help but laugh, "I always knew you were a square." You trace the perfect, ridiculous edges of his hairline on his palmhusk screen, and he hits the lock button.

You're forced into eye contact with your own reflection.

It's not bad- the haircut is very troll, with wild bits sticking up at odd angles- but, well...

You turn in your chair.

"So, matching tattoos next?" He offers.

It's not you, not really...

But you smirk the same way he does: all mouth. Your mouth. On his.

You think you can find a way to be this person, right now. You'll grow into it, and if not? The hair will grow into you, eventually.

[azulas-lightning-bolt]

you guys remember how I said I was going to schedule drafts to post. yeah hi again. I’ve got school so I’m probably just gonna lose my mind over the weekend and then save some of this stuff for later. also if anyone cares I would love asks? I go insane in some peoples’ inboxes and would be sososo giddy to have that energy reciprocated

so today I’ll be talking about the inherent transness of mako’s character.

want to begin this by saying: by ‘transness’ I mean whatever kind of trans your heart desires, but the transness my heart desires is transmasc. so. transmasc mako it is.

so i have, in at least every mako related post I have made, mentioned his chronic eldest daughter syndrome. that alone is inherently very gender of a guy, but I also mentioned two posts ago that mako is a genuinely ‘feminine’ character in how his personality and major traits are defined. there’s a section where I talk about the standard women are held to (right above “did you feel like you were reading a transcript of that one barbie movie scene?”) and how mako is actually a solid representation of those.

so you know how kids learn by observing and mako’s parents were from fire and earth, the two more traditional nations? in the case he’s trans, mako would have literally grown up as the eldest daughter, implementing those behaviors probably as early as three or four, when bolin needed less constant attention from their parents. so by eight, these traditional gender role ideas are already in his head. but then his parents are being murdered and their last requests of him are to run and take care of bolin. the trauma and guilt of this would probably force even heavier protectiveness from mako.

and then we get to the trans part. up to this point, mako is a little girl, the first child and daughter of naoki and san, rather traditional fire nation and earth kingdom immigrants to republic city. mako’s grown up wearing dresses and given dolls and playing pretend makeover as naoki tries to teach mako how to use makeup the way they do in the fire nation.

but then they’re in the orphanage (mako watches the little boys running around with short hair and ragged pants and not getting scolded for tumbling around in the dirt, and pulls her? braided hair back jealously.) and then they run away from the orphanage.

there are creepy old men leering at mako on every street corner. she finds it lessens when her braid is out and it hangs around her face. that has to change too, when mako realizes long hair without frequent baths is more of a hazard than short. she cuts it with a shard of broken glass, let’s it frame her face in a way that’s jagged and sharp. her face is sharp. mako finds she doesn’t mind.

people mistake mako for a boy frequently. mako tries not to think about the warmth that bursts to life at each mistake, no matter how quickly corrected.

it becomes more and more obvious, over the span of a year, that mako is not a girl. no, mako is very much a boy like bolin. bolin sort of just—knows. mako appreciates not needing to explain. bolin declared having a big bro is cooler that a big sis. (for my own sake, the constant “bro”-calling in the show is for sake of gender affirming and affectionate reciprocation, because no real siblings just call each other. bro.)

but then puberty happens. mako is “running numbers and stuff” for the triad at this point. he thinks he might be dying, because of course reserved, traditional naoki never talked to her child about periods at eight years old. his… chest, is growing. a triad member who takes pity (an older girl, probably in her twenties, by mako’s recollection) gruffly explains periods and how to deal with them. she jokingly suggests finding a good bloodbender to take care of it, and mako genuinely considers it for a while, between debarking offing himself.

he also has HORRIBLE fucking cramps. he’s me. and then the chest issue. he starts binding in the worst way possible—he either layers up as much as possible and slouches horribly or wraps himself with dirty old bandages until he’s flat. he fractures a rib at least once doing this, which he continues to do through his pro-bending days.

toza would know. he’d see something in training and, with how honestly progressive republic city is portrayed (as I remember; last I watched this show was literally 2017 😭) he’s probably met an open transmasc or two. he pitches in a couple yuan for a real binder for mako, which he somehow still manages to ruin by constantly sleeping in.

then korra enters stage left. shit goes down. i think, in my heart of hearts, he never told her. the way she asked if he was “a criminal, or something?” when he opened up about his work for the triad would shut him down about telling her much else.

when he’s dating asami, he probably tries to tell her a couple times, but is so not-blunt with it that she totally misses it. asami is a genius, but she was sheltered and probably never encountered a queer person or was acquainted with queer slang mako picked up on the streets. which, by the way, this post talks about hypothetical queer slang in each of the nations which was cool as hell.

so yeah basically mako is out to no one except his brother and the old guy who fell off the face of the earth. until detective work, because momboss and detectiveson!! for medical reasons, he needs to come out to lin. she’s uptight and scary as hell, so at first he’s terrified he’s about to get fired. but then she’s like, “you’re a good boy, mako. don’t let me down.” and he’s almost crying.

then canon continues and he almost died. kya heals him, mako entrusting lin to disclose his transness to her if need be.

then comics! korra and asami come back and come out and mako is, for a split second, like ‘damn i messed up that bad huh’ but then he’s like “oh yeah sick I’m trans by the way.” then it’s korrasami’s turn to 😧

asami’s like ‘ohhhh damn that’s what you were trying to say,,,’

then makorrasami takes over the world because they all had time to grow as people and become good for each other and polyships are fire!! this is me outing myself as a (specifically post-canon/comics) makorrasami shipper btw. but wuko is cool too, I don’t have too heavy opinions between the, like, normal ships n stuff.

[jitterbugjive]

How come when people try to groom or manipulate trans kids into being cis, no one really complains about that? Because 'cis' is normal? Because 'trans kids shouldn't exist'? I was very clearly a trans kid when I was growing up, but my abuser who was 7 years older than me wanted to groom me into being his partner and he was straight so of course he couldn't have me go being a boy on him. He fed me all sorts of nasty shit to make me feel bad about feeling like a boy, and convinced me I should be a 'beautiful, hot girl' and that the 'boy' that I was trying to be was me just hiding an abused girl. He would freak the fuck out any time I did ANYTHING to remotely look boyish, even if it was so much as wearing a black sleeveless shirt and a baseball cap. I would get told how I was wasting my beauty and sexiness, how I shouldn't let past trauma make me hide my girliness. And because this person was older than me and seemed like a cool person, I admired him and just wanted to impress him and I tried to cater to him, convinced that he was saving me and doing all of this for my own good even though I felt like I was trapped in a house fire the whole time. I felt so gross and uncomfortable presenting as female, I felt like I was being stabbed any time someone used female pronouns or called me sexy or pretty, I felt like I wasn't allowed to wear what I wanted to wear but had to wear the things that proved I was totally a confident woman when I really wasn't.

This isn't a real smile, this is a 'I'm trying to look womanly and pretty' smile.

And then I started to feel suicidal, everything about me felt like a lie and I had no freedom, no identity, no autonomy.

When I broke up with him, the first thing I did was cut my hair short and attempt drag king techniques to try to remember how I felt in the past when I presented as a guy. And it felt so right and I finally, finally felt like me again.

It took me a while to identify as trans, it took a lot of experimenting but I've never been as miserable as I was when I was being forced to be cis. I've had my slumps but never again did I feel like I was lying to myself.

Now, I might not be 'conventionally attractive' any more, but I don't GIVE a fuck about that. I'd rather feel like me than feel like I'm walking in a sexy costume.

And I know a lot of trans kids get this experience, where they feel trans but cis people insist it's wrong and it's a phase and it's from ~*trauma*~ or from the "trans agenda" influencing them and all sorts of other bullshit excuses because the cis person is uncomfortable about transness. And it's that kind of shit that is the main cause of trans kids feeling suicidal. Trans people are a lot more likely to feel suicidal when being forced to be cis, just like cis people can become suicidal if they are forced to transition to a gender they don't really identify with.

I'm not saying there aren't trans people out there who try to push trans identities on other people, that does happen, but fucking trust me on this one: cis straight people try to force other identities on people a hell of a lot more.

[none-of-your-biscuits]

*transes your blorbos for my personal benefit*

Cat duo au

Nonbinary (They/them) Adrien and genderfluid (he/she) Juleka

Juleka has been pretty androgynous most her life, so once he realize he preferred to be perceived certain ways it wasn't that big of a deal at home. That being said, she had experience in in presenting himself as a genderless entity.

Adrien lowkey gets gender envy from Juleka.

When Juleka learns about Adrien's identity she's really laid back about it and Adrien is like "????" because they are having a crisis.

Juleka does his make-up differently depending on how he's feeling, but its usually never picked up by anyone other than Luka and Rose and later Adrien.

When Juleka can't tell if its a boy or girl day she'll ask Luka (or Adrien if they had a sleep over) to flip a coin and decide for him.

Juleka doesn't teach Adrien how to do their makeup, instead watches youtube tutorials with them. I feel like Adrien has some prior knowledge of makeup because of modeling but they don't fully grasp the process or how to make it look a certain way.

Adrien tells Juleka the crabby patty secret formula to altering the super hero suit so she can look more masculine if she feels like it.

Juleka gets a slight undercut that is very visible when he transforms because her hair is in a ponytail. When Adrien knows Juleka is feeling more masculine they will call him tiger instead of tigress. Some fans catch on, some don't.

Rose likes to pet Juleka's undercut.

When Juleka realized she was genderfluid he was also praising the universe that Rose was panromantic.

Anarka: "Oh, daughter o' mine-" Juleka: "son" Anarka: "Oh, son o' mine-"

Natalie, walking in on Adrien cutting Juleka's hair while in a skirt: "... you're going to clean that up..., right?"

Also, once Chloe joins their sleep overs, deep late night talks lead her to realize she might not be entirely cis. They also lead Juleka to believing he has the power to steal people's gender.

Adrien never really comes out. Once Marinette and Rose pick up on Juleka only ever using they/them for Adrien they both start doing it somewhat subconsciously. After that the class catches on.

Chat has done patrol with the nonbinary flag around their shoulders. Same with tigress, but the genderfluid flag. (I almost typed Panthera instead of tigress)

Anyways, I think I'm done with asks for the night.

G'mornin/G'night.

.

JOKES ON YOU!!! I ALSO TRANS MY BLORBOS FOR MY OWN ENTERTAINMENT

Ur so correct for this actually

Juleka gender fluid is so real and true. Also I planned nb adrien so long ago and just never said it get out of my head

(Ps. I also always say Panthera and then just redo it into tigress. Panthera has a grip on a specific group of people that will never leave)

Also. Chloe has demigirl swag I will not accept any contradictions I am correct

ALSO JULEKA UNDERCUT canon. Like I'm pretty sure I can dig up a convo with cap I had abt that when crocoduel came out Bc we are deranged

I also

physically wheezed from krabby patty secret formula to changing the suit

Pov. I accidentally ignored all my asks yesterday because I was listening to the Magnus archives season 1 for the first time and playing Minecraft

[hellboundhimbo]

MORE JOJ GIRLS joanna's design isn't creative at all with the exception of her dress. like its deadass just jonathans outfit. REASON FOR THIS BEING a lot of my thoughts on her are less abt her design and more abt what her story could be. strap in fellas its time for an Unhinged JoJo Rant courtesy of tumblr user hellboundhimbo.

now i already touched a bit on the subject here, but boy howdy if she still doesn't live in my head rent free. since writing said post, I've had a brain blast in the form of an epiphany that, what if all those concepts, but she's TRANS. i know, i'm a genius (read also: stupid gay idiot). t4t jonaeri, anyone?

i wanted her design to reflect the journey of coming into her own, and finding her own definition of womanhood. at the beginning of PH, she wears very traditionally victorian clothing. long dresses, corsets, those big ass hats, the whole sha bang. over the course of the story, however, she realizes she doesn't need to conform to societal standards to be "worthy" of the title of woman, so she begins to dress in ways she wants to, or is practical for that specific situation. i wanted to make it a point that while she lets her hair down, she never cuts it or is like "EW EARRINGS BLEH' cuz like. femininity isn't her enemy!! its the patriarchal standards that enforce such a rigid, static form of it onto people!!

when it comes to the trans aspect of her story, I thought long and hard about how to go about it cuz like. i'm trans masc myself, and the last thing i'd want to do is try to infuse transness into a story and have it feel like a redundant, shitty commentary that intrudes on the narrative or smth. i think I've come up with a good idea of where to go with it, though.

i think joanna probably came out sometime in her early teen years, around 13-15, but started questioning around the time she met erina, (haven't come up w a name for him yet, if yall have any ideas feel free to shout em.) who came out much earlier, like 9 or so. just like the idea of joanna being like "omg wow u changed ur gender wow that's so crazy haha doesn't everyone feel that way tho" and erina's like. no???? they don't????

anyway once joanna came out lady joestar was like "ok fine u can trans ur gender BUT you gotta be a lady." which sucks cuz no more rugby but fuck it we ball (or I guess. not. ball.) she struggles a lot with being a poised debutante cuz shes like 6'5 and rich dudes don't really like it when their dance partners could chuck them to the colonies with one arm but fuck them. rest of the story remains mostly unchanged, blah blah blah dio blah blah stone mask blah blah you know the drill ANYWAY speedwagon's first appearance is when we really start making some real impacts on joanna's character, with some definite parallels being drawn between joanna, who was lucky enough to be rich and accepted by her family (for the most part,,,) and speedwagon, who lives in the slums with no family to speak of. by proxy, some parallels to dio as well (she'll get her own ramble when I post her design in 284738374 years), because phantom blood sets up so much for a conversation about classism that we see so little of :( love phantom blood tho dgmw

also you can bet your sweet ass that hamon is becoming a metaphor for queer liberation.

don't wanna divulge too much about it cuz like I am hoping to write something about this at some point but,,, big Thoughts here trust me bro.

to address the elephant in the room, how does joanna got honkers if there was no hormone therapy in victorian times? hamon doubles as hrt. if araki's allowed to pull new hamon capabilities out of his ass every 5 seconds, so am I. it works for the metaphor too but like that's less funny.

[foul-gods]

CSA TW:

Like. I genuinely do believe a large portion of my transness has to do with trauma and the other half is more of dysphoria due to my weight. I was sexually abused as a young child and I never really gained weight or breasts and so I have almost the same exact body as I did when I was 8, and I'm not much taller. Dressing as a woman always held a large note of "dressing for men" to me, personally. Because I did spend so many of the years before I came out further sexualizing myself for the men around me. transness was absolutely just a way for me to reclaim my own body for my own self. The time I spent trying to perform femininity for others was what made me the most suicidal out of anything in my life. And so when I realized I could just..... Opt out of womanhood, it was the first thing that made life feel. Liveable.. I got the opportunity to be myself as opposed to the expectations that came with womanhood. And as I got older I did still circle around to femininity, but on my own terms. Starting testosterone and being trans for the past 12 years is one of my favorite things about me, and one of the things I'm most glad that happened to me, regardless of how it came about. And I really wish we lived in a world where gender held less expectations over you and people could experiment as much as they wanted. It didn't have to be a big deal that I dressed androgynous to separate myself from my childhood. It helped me, and now it's just something I do and love. And I just wish every kid got the opportunity to opt out of that shit and experiment. Even if they decide later it's not for them. Transness to me is finding what you align most with, even if that feeling is inate or if it's brought about by something else. Idk. I wish it were as simple as dying or cutting your hair. Sure, I'm blond, but black hair always made me feel better. And I've had a million haircuts in my life. It just shouldn't have to be such a big deal.

[bulletproofscales]

wrote a wg-dysphoria fic for comfort purpouses

it is very cliche and kind of a word dump and kinda has no plot

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32177632

Tags: FtM hobi, trans man hoseok , insecurities , weight gain and gender disphoria , gender discomfort , hurt comfort , chubby jung hoseok , namseok , literally pure fluff

1.8k

Hoseok doesn't understand himself most times. Or more specifically, on days like this. Where the mere thought of feeling his body resting against the mattress is cringe inducing. But not as bad as the idea of leaving his bed, starting his day, going outside.

He and Namjoon had plans. Plans that they've been looking forward to for weeks, waiting until they both had a completely free day all to themselves. Hoseok can't just stop everything because he woke up feeling like a gross sack of skin, meat and bones. The entire day was planned to their liking too: favorite restaurants, hiding spots in the city, places to shop, and ending the day probably going back to Namjoon's just to hold each other until the next morning. Nothing too special, really.

They loved the domesticity of days like this.

Hoseok should feel excited right now.

He musters to stand up, and just pushes through normally. Yes, he is a responsible adult and doesn't have to stop his entire life because of some mental turbulence. It's easy for the most part, these days he always wakes up hungry. It's all good until he has to get dressed…

See? It was Hoseok's idea after a few months of dating, to start gaining weight. Thinking, if he grew enough, the parts of his body where weight settled the most would become less noticeable. No matter how slim he was before, there was no escaping the personalized curse that seemed to settle all of his weight at his hips and thighs.

And gaining weight worked! Namjoon was on board with any idea that would help his boyfriend feel more comfortable, and Hoseok found himself feeling genuinely better in his own skin.

Yet... he could barely have the courage to undress right now. Let alone try on something to wear for today, knowing everyone was going to see him on it. Today, it felt as though the plumpness did nothing to hide his body the way Hoseok wanted it to. All he could focus on now, was the fact that if he left with Namjoon today, everyone was going to think Hoseok was his girlfriend.

The thought alone makes it harder to swallow. The roundness all over his body whIch he had come to love, the thickness of his legs that hid his butt. The fat that piled on his torso hiding the curve of his waist and taking attention away from his chest. Even his hands, which had grown a little chubby, were perfect to hide the daintiness in them. All of that on a day like this, just seemed to amplify the pear form that his body grudgingly took in spite of him.

His hands rub at his hips, soft and squishy to the touch, but Hoseok wouldn't dare touch. Only Namjoon gets to touch them without making the older tense up in discomfort; the only thing that makes the squishing of the fat bearable is the deep voice that always comes after it, pouring praise to Hoseok's ear making his shiver in the best of ways.

He doesn't know how he'd react if Namjoon was to touch him now, though. Hell, he didn't know how the younger would react to Hoseok's poor excuse. That's a lie, he knows Namjoon will be nothing but accepting if he so much as suspects his boyfriend is having a bad dysphoria day.

But it doesn't make the guilt go away.

So he pushes it down, rather grabbing something that will cover his body at all, even if it won't hide the parts he doesn't want to see. At least it won't show so much skin.

Hoseok is trying outfit number 6 by the time the doorbell rings. Absolutely not prepared to greet his boyfriend, Hoseok takes one last disgusted look at himself in the mirror before rushing to the door.

"Hey." Namjoon tries to say subtly, but the grin on his face is so wide and eager, it grips at Hoseok's heart. Guilty as he smiles back. "You ready?" He has to slightly look up to meet Namjoon's face; brain unhelpfully reminding him of just how tall his boyfriend is, how masculine he is without even trying.

Ugh, there's no way he is getting through today, is there?

"About that..." Hoseok's smile turns sad, apologetic. Heart breaking at the way Namjoon's expressions drops. "I don't think I feel like I can handle going out today..." He fiddles with his own hands.

"Oh...'' That's Namjoon's own response, and Hoseok understands the disappointment. Can only imagine how tiring it must be to have to cut not only their daily life, but plans they've been looking forward to for weeks, just because Hoseok doesn't feel good about himself that day. He probably thinks the only way for him to progress is to push himself to go out and live despite the dysphoria, to suck it up; maybe even doing that would be the masculine thing to do.

"I'm so sorry to hear that, Seok-ah." The voice that speaks is so gentle, though. Warm hands cupping at his soft cheeks. He doesn't manage to answer, rather looking at Namjoon with wide, anxious eyes. "Lets go inside, yeah?" He smiles softly, hands settling at his shoulders before guiding Hoseok back into his own house.

It definitely feels like Namjoon isn't as upset as he should be, being unfair to himself and too kind to Hoseok's dysphoric taunturm. But the older doesn't know if he wants to bring it up, just in case he changes Namjoon's mind. He has to, though.

"It's not that big of a deal J-Joon, we can still go out, I just need to find something to wear." He tries to reassure as Namjoon guides him to the couch. However, the younger has known Hoseok for far too long to buy that.

"If you start feeling better, then we can go out." He smiles innocently, gentle; but knowing fully well that Hoseok was just trying to belittle his experiences.

A weak smile shapes Hoseok's lips into a heart. "It's not fair how you use your knowledge of me against me." He complains, though it has absolutely no bite to it.

"You can't stop me." Namjoon grins back smugly, sitting beside Hoseok and leaning for their lips to meet. The older sighs in defeat; he's lost.

Yet it feels absolutely nothing like losing. At all.

"Fine, but I want your hoodie." He demands, bratty. Hoseok would feel guilty about it if Namjoon didn’t immediately comply with all his commands. Eagerly pushing his hoodie off, silver of tan skin showing as his shirt rides up along with it; which Hoseok absolutely does Not stare at. An quickly snatches it off his hands, before sliding it on his own.

Probably, stealing your boyfriend’s hoodie which fits significantly bigger on him, would be considered a femenine thing to do. But Hoseok will be damned if he doesn't let his nose sink into the fabric and immediately melt at Namjoon’s scent. Only enhanced by Namjoon’s arms, wrapping around his shoulders.

Hoseok never told him to do it, but on days like this Namjoon makes sure to keep his hands off the parts he knows his boyfriend is insecure about. He appreciates it, even if the idea of wrapping his chubby arms around Namjoon’s thick waist seems silly considering their different bodies. But it does make him feel masculine, so he guesses the younger’s strategy works perfectly; as they cuddle closer on Hoseok's couch.

The silence is comfortable for a while, Namjoon tucks his head into Hoseok’s shoulder, as the older gets to caress the warm skin at Namjoon’s lower back.

But oh, Hoseok could never be so lucky.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Namjoon’s voice whispers into the older’s soft neck. And he can only sigh, parly endeared, and partly annoyed.

His boyfriend is so caring. Too caring

“Do I have to?” He groans, and Namjoon takes it as his cue to tangle his fingers gently through the hairs of Hoseok’s nape; soothing.

“I’m asking if you want to, silly.” The older doesn't have to look to know Namjoon is rolling his eyes.

“Nothing happened in particular, cus I know you are worrying about that.” Hoseok grins at the way he feels his boyfriend's body sigh relaxed at that reassurance. “I just woke up feeling this.”

“You better not be using the fact that ‘nothing happened’ as a way to invalidate your feelings.” He scolds gently.

“And you better not be using your knowledge of me against me!” Hoseok whines in an attempt to lighten the mood, and pats his own back when he hears Namjoon’s laughter against his neck.

“I mean it, hyung.” He raises his head from the safe space of Hoseok’s neck; who’s still trying to get past the flips of his stomach at the sound of Namjoon calling him ‘hyung’. “I wouldn’t spend our free day any other way.” And as if to seal the deal, he lands a gentle peck onto Hoseok's nose.

He feels it in his chest, the bursting love he feels for this man. How his body doesn’t feel squirmy at the feeling of his body against Namjoon, just from having him close, having him be treated with such...normality.

It feels like he is broken out of a transe with the movements of Namjoon’s hands at his shoulders. “Y-you know… You don’t have to avoid touching me.” He chuckles a bit nervously.

“O-oh.” His expression grows bashful. “I don’t actually know like--I don’t want to make you uncomfortable!” He whines.

“Namjoon you’re like three times my height, it is not comfortable. You can touch my hips.” It even manages to burst giggles out of Hoseok’s chest.

“Okay, okay.” The younger chuckles as well, as he begins to untangle his arms off Hoseok’s shoulders. And they rather find a comfier route settled at the plush of his hips. And it always feels unfamiliar the first time; as if Hoseok avoids and ignores them so much that they only exist with Namjoon’s gentle squeezing.

His eyes close, as the younger kneads the pillowy skin. Hoseok doesn't realize he is humming until a chuckle bubbles out of Namjoon’s chest. Soft body entirely melted against Namjoon’s firmer one. “You should’ve just told me you needed this.”

“It's hard to admit I need it sometimes, the gentler touches.” The older speaks softly, as Namjoon’s hands rub up and down the curve of Hoseok’s waist, thumbs caressing at the sides of his belly.

“Aish, you speak like I’m not gentle with you ever.” Namjoon groans quietly, rolling his eyes. His hands squeeze at Hoseok’s waist unaware. And okay, he does not mind this.

“I know I know. But I overthink everything when I get like this, you know that.” He cups the younger’s face, whining softly. “I like it though.. I just feel like I might not deserve it sometimes.” He confesses with an apologetic smile.

But Namjoon doesn’t falter, still grinning with so much love. “That’s alright, I love reminding you.” He leans to Hoseok’s hand still cupping his cheek, kissing it.

[ambiguousdisorderken]

oh gendernatural night? about a billion years ago when i was *checks watch* about 13-14 years old and i was watching spn for the first time, i was So Attached to dean winchester, i projected on him insanely hard. and i always thought to myself, "i wish i was a man like dean so i could love other men," and like. it took me about half a year to figure out that was me transing my gender for the first time. i had told my mother i wanted to cut my hair like his, partially bc i thought if i framed my desire for short hair to be based off of a fictional character, she would think it was embarrassing but wouldn't outright forbid it. it's literally so cringe to admit dean winchester made me realize i was trans but. that's what anon is for! anyways i hope you have a good night 💚

dean winchester and the magic of jender~

it's a bit cringey, yeah, but i'm kinda on the same boat. in my case i just started wearing plaid and listening to dean's music, but i was much more attached to cas, and, just like him, i was very alienated from many things. oblivious to basic human stuff tbh.

//edit addition: yes! about the loving men thing. for me it's because back then everything i associated with love (ship wise) was m/m, so my brain's path was also "i wish i was a guy so i could love other men". as a girl it's socially acceptable and encouraged to like men, but i wanted to love men in that way.

anyway, i had this super close relationship with a fellow heller back then, we texted all the time and we discussed me going over to her place, her parents paying for my plane ticket and everything. christ. we even mentioned marriage so i could stay in the us with her and we could live together once we were in uni.... i mean... she's grown out of spn so i hope she never reads this, but yes. and i was like 'pffff that's just online besties' but a couple years later i told my then boyfriend about this friendship and he just told me 'it's like you're talking about an ex' and my god was he right.

also for most of my life, i was fine with being a cis girl, but i never ever have felt comfortable with calling myself a woman, because in my head i'm not woman enough, whatever that means. due to kinda unrelated ish physiological factors, i wished so bad i was a guy for like 3 years, but then again what i wanted the most was being bodiless. and then there's how i've always been "one of the guys", like i'm always the friend guys talk about other girls/stuff with. so i don't know what sort of vibes i give off🤷🏻‍♀️ 17year old me would say 'im a leaf swaying in the wind', cheesy af, but true.

just last month i got a bob haircut and my mom was sooo against it lol. i seriously need to figure myself out because 1)im old enough to have my own place but im unemployed and JUST started my 2nd career so.. no prospects 2)if i want to live genuinely and openly i most certainly won't be able to do it under this roof

[6480n]

[ID in alt text]

Just finished this art of my OC, Jira! He’s my main OC and sort of serves as my persona in many cases, so I’m super excited to be able to share this drawing. Since this is my first time posting him on this blog, I’m going to talk about his history and share a *bunch* of drawings under the cut (as well as WIP images from this drawing).

Text on his shorts says เสือทอง, or “golden tiger”, and he’s carrying bagged soymilk with tapioca, which is a common way to get soymilk in thailand!

The idea for this drawing is one I’ve had in my head for a few months, but wasn’t sure I’d be able to pull off since I don’t have a lot of practice with perspective shots. I sort of wanted to give him a “casually defiant” look, as well as taking the opportunity to design a fun outfit based around colorful muay thai shorts. Unlike myself, I envision Jira as someone who primarily wears shorts (often with an incongruous top like a long coat), so I love designing his outfits because of the unique balance shorts give.

[ID: Two sketches from previous stages of the first drawing, one being a rough full-body sketch and the other being a refined sketch from the torso-up. end ID]

(^ I like his face in this sketch better than the final, lol…) I’m super happy with how this drawing turned out, especially the coloring and shading. I normally have the instinct to put my shading and highlights on another layer (borne from years of drawing art for petsites…), but I painted all the colors and shading on one layer and I’m really happy with how it turned out. I also added some sort of clip studio filter which gave everything a slight amount of color variance, which looks really cool!

Now, about the character himself: I made this guy back in about 2016 when I was getting back into Animal Crossing for the second time. I needed a secondary character for storage, so I invented Jira (who at the time was named 6480 since that was the username I was starting to switch over to), and gave him a connection to my then-main character (plum/Clove, who I’ll post about later) by way of a sort of flirty friendship. I thought it would be cool if they were like, friends who had houses on opposite sides of the same river and waved to each other and ate breakfast together and held hands and like….. yeah 🥺

Jira is super important to me for a ton of reasons, mostly because he developed as I grew up and the transition I made towards using him as my persona instead of Clove represented a lot of changes in my life and my personality. As he developed and I needed to name him, I decided to make him Thai (he started out inadvertently white cause there was only one skintone in ACNL… cringe), which marked a point in time where I became more invested in my cultural background. When I made him a trans man, it represented that I had become more comfortable and proud of my transness. His personality, which was more casual and open than Clove’s, marked the change in my own personality and growth in confidence. And I was able to explore my own ideals of relationships through the one he had with Clove.

Now, it’s 2020 and my new Animal Crossing game has him as my main character and Clove (as well as a couple others) as my alternate! I’m super glad to be able to look back on this and mark the ways I’ve changed over the years, and it’s really interesting that both of my personas since 2014 have been because of the AC franchise.

Here’s some sketches (I haven’t actually made formalized art of him until now, except for one drawing as an anthro monkey which I will not be sharing rofl):

[ID: Digital reference sheet for Jira in Animal Crossing style, in various different poses. He has tan skin and light brown hair. Text on the image says: name: 6480 gender: [male symbol] birthday: Oct 17th personality: smug occuption: barista hobbies: fishing, cooking, model making style: basic/iconic best friend: Lopez end ID]

Section of a reference sheet I made for my four ACNL characters, set inside the universe of my AC island.

[ID: Black and white digital sketch of an Animal Crossing character. He’s wearing a long coat, black shorts, and a cow skull on his head. He’s surrounded by a bunch of small mushrooms and weeds, and he’s carrying some fishing poles in a bag. end ID]

Drawing of my ACNH outfit as it was in April (autumn on my southern hemisphere island)

[ID: Colored digital sketch of two Animal Crossing characters. They’re sleeping in neighboring futons. One has pale skin, short yellow hair, and a sunhat, while the other has light brown skin and short brown curly hair. end ID]

Drawing of my ACNH character and my best friend’s :-)

[ID: Black and white sketches of Jira with more realistic proportions. In one he’s wearing a very similar outfit as the first image in this post; in the other he’s wearing a raincoat, a cowboy hat, and shorts that almost reach the hem of the coat. end ID]

[ID: Colored bust sketch of Jira in an orange shirt. end ID]

Aaaaand I think that’s all the good art I have of him. I’m not expecting anyone to have read this far but uhm THANK YOU if you did… you’re my number 1 fan… Don’t judge what I said in this post too harshly, *so what* if I base my personality around a character that only exists in my own head? 😭 Anyways, have a great day, and thanks for reading my rambling!

[pro-ship-self-ships]

Transmasc HCs in Obey Me!

Is this self-indulgent? Yes, but I’m transmasc and there needs to be more trans and queer stuff in the fandom. I simply write partially from my own perspective.

General

If you were already out in some way in your school/workplace, your name was used on the application.

If you came out during the year and wanted to use your new name at RAD, the administration would immediately take action, informing all teachers of the new name.

Gender-neutral bathrooms are built with magic in case you’re uncomfortable with the gendered ones.

If you’re ever worried about whether you’re going to go to hell for being queer, your friends at RAD will remind that no, you’re not a bad person, and you won’t go to hell for being queer. Your queerness is a beautiful thing and you’ll be reminded of that.

Lucifer

He knew already, but appreciates that you came out to him.

If you come to him for name suggestions, he might be able to come up with something more classy than his brothers.

Your bullies mysteriously vanish if you talk about them with him.

He’s the one who helps the most with getting T and surgery (if you plan on going the human route).

Helps to get you emancipated if you have unaccepting family (he has jokingly suggested just murdering them, though it probably won’t happen).

He takes you and the others to Pride every June. He’ll typically ask which places you want to celebrate at (I’d personally choose NYC or LA)

The man to go to for voice training bless you Kazuya Yamashita (although he’d help with a professional later down the line)

Tries to give you lessons on being a “proper gentleman” but gives up if you don’t show interest.

Studies trans laws in different countries in the human world to make sure which ones are tran-accepting in case you travel with him.

Might help you keep track of which documents need to have your name and gender changed

Might start listening to music by trans artists and enjoy them  (he better listen to Cavetown sdhkvshdvdh)

He might make the occasional dad joke about your name or about being trans (you can’t tell he doesn’t enjoy dad jokes a little, especially after the credit card debacle)

Mammon

It takes him some time to understand when you come out, but my goodness is he a vocal supporter.

He’s the most likely to accompany you to public bathrooms if you feel uncomfortable. The others attempt to follow suit, but Mammon won’t let them near you.

Do not come to this man for name ideas, he’d probably come up with something like “Mammon 2: Electric Boogaloo.”

With your permission, he and Levi record your journey and post bits and pieces online

Confused if you choose human methods for transitioning, especially because of the price, but will still attempt to save money for any procedures you bring up.

Sends trans memes and might bring it up as an inside joke (if anyone knows the tiktok from jvckass that’s essentially “my chest is versace bro”, i mostly refer to that one)

If you get top surgery, he’ll remind you of some of the wack things you said while on anesthesia

Will comfort you if you bring up having an unaccepting family.

Will probably also start listening to music by trans artists (i will continuously preach the goodness of Cavetown)

Gets the money for it if you need a legal name change, gets surprised if you start crying

Jokingly teaches you about “being a man”

After top surgery, will try to keep the room to just the two of you (unsuccessfully). He’ll still bring up his money schemes as you lie there

Likes buying pride merch for you (flags, pins etc), will deny liking it though hfdigbdkh

Leviathan

If you came out to him and wanted to come up with a name for yourself, he’ll immediately suggest the name “Henry”. He gets a little upset if you don’t like it, but will subsequently throw names of anime characters as suggestions.

Also sends trans memes

Will help you experiment with your look through cosplay.

Records some of the wack things you said when you were still on anesthesia after top surgery

He also just wants to watch anime with you after the surgery. He also finds your chest scars to be pretty cool.

Will try to find anime and other things with trans characters and talk about them with you

He seems to act more like a Japanese otaku than a western weeb, but he would still have to probably unlearn queerphobic language

Satan

Would have probably read at least something on being trans

Would be the one to ask the most questions if they’re not too invasive

Likes to discuss multiple topics such as biology or sociology. Probably will name drop Judith Butler or Julia Serano and have a convo based on that.

Probably might want to watch some shows that have trans characters in them. Buys books with trans characters or by trans authors.

If you’re up for it, he’d give a pet your deadname to help distance yourself from it.

Would be the one to look up “(insert culture here) names for boys” to help pick a name. Gets pissed if teachers can’t pronounce it, regardless of when you came up w the name. Same goes for transphobes at RAD.

If you get surgery, he stays by your bed and reads to you.

Would attempt to make testosterone if you say something about expenses. Also might try to plan forms of surgery

Asmodeus

He’s the one to help with your wardrobe and look (you knew this was gonna be the case). He simply won’t allow you to walk around in that one hoodie. He knows about which shirts and tops makes your chest look flatter. If you want to continue wearing feminine clothes, he’ll help out with the best look. Would get you the rainbow binder as a surprise gift.

Regardless of whether you brought it up, he’d probably buy you a packer. He finds it hilarious.

He might buy a bunch of strap-ons and dildos for you if you don’t get bottom surgery

If you start testosterone in the Devildom, he doubles down on your skincare. Acne gets really difficult, so he’s always there to help.

If you decide to get top surgery, he is going to get you so many pillows. Same goes for bottom surgery.

He’s the one to get you pads if you need them.

On your trips to Pride parades and other queer places, he likes to create outfits for them.

Might try to get Solomon to cast a spell or make a potion to make you “more masculine”

He wants to be the one to cut your hair, but is okay with going to a salon with you

If you ask for names, he probably has a whole list already (it’s just a list of male exes)

Overall, he will remind you of how beautiful you are

Beelzebub

If you have have issues joining a sports team, he’s here to help convince any coaches necessary(although do demons have gendered sports teams is the question)

Encourages you to eat more than ever, especially if you’re on T. He understands when you get really hungry. Brings up foods that increases testosterone. Has you eat pineapples before you get top surgery.

Wants to give you a hug after surgery, but the others tell him about the stitches and fragility

Likes to cuddle you if you want to talk about your dysphoria (much to Mammon’s annoyance) and if you bring up height dysphoria, he likes carrying you around on his shoulders so you can feel taller.

Might try to come up with a food name if you ask

Will punch anyone who attempts to bully you over your queerness

Has you exercise with him more often, especially if you’ve talked about gaining muscle on T.

Belphegor

He doesn’t really mind, but he’s still supportive

Might suggest naps as a way of getting rid of dysphoria.

He gets the concept of transness a bit faster since he used to hang out with humans more.

Diavolo

He’s pretty accepting and finds human’s relationship with gender to be fascinating.

Orders the construction of gender-neutral bathrooms for your comfort

Makes dad jokes about being trans and your name (all in good fun, of course)

With your permission, he might plan a gender-reveal party or a debutante ball for you.

Assures you that you won’t go to hell for being yourself.

Barbatos

He was the first to figure out you are trans, as he was tasked with looking into your history for the exchange program.

He’s accepting as well. If you’re worried about your future, he might give you a couple of hints to show you’ll be ok.

Besides telling Diavolo and Lucifer beforehand, Barbatos is willing to help you stay stealth if that’s what you want.

Solomon

Depending on where’s he from, he might be a bit hesitant, but he’s still accepting (he has no reason to discriminate for religious reasons, he practices magic)

Might suggests magic to help transitioning, but will relent if you’re dead fast on human methods.

Also likes sending trans memes

Simeon

Finds it fascinating to find how far human technology has come for transitioning

If you’re really worried about getting into heaven, Simeon is the best one to reassure you that you will

A calming force for when you have dysphoria

Talks about transness to Luke so he’ll understand

If you can convince him, he might write a new series with a trans character as the protagonist (and other queer characters as well)

He and Asmodeus would team up to make a binder you could wear 24/7

Is a little uncomfortable with the hypersexuality of Pride parades, but understands their necessity.

Luke

The one that takes the most talking to about it, but Simeon accepts you, so Luke follows suit.

Likes to make trans flag cookies for you, especially after reaching certain milestones.

Gets jealous if you start growing taller from T.

Joins Levi on watching trans anime with you.

[transaurus]

any advice about getting over fears about doing anything/owning anything typically associated with my birth gender in fear of everyone calling me a trender? I want to do what I like, but also don't want to feel like sh*t lol

just gonna start by saying transmeds/truscum/TERFs/transmisogynists/generally shitty people DNI

also I got a little distracted by the fact that you censored shit because I forget that people consider shit a swear word, like I think it's just a very desi thing, I was allowed to say shit before I was allowed to say damn so it's just very amusing to me but anyway

okay I know I'm like relatively young but thinking back on it feels like a long time ago because I realised I'm trans about four years ago and it took me a few months at least to be able to even just wear pink without feeling extremely dysphoric (which doesn't make any sense because I've never been particularly masculine in my gender expression or hobbies) so I think part of it was just coming to terms with my transness and just telling myself that wearing makeup or liking sewing doesn't make me a girl and it doesn't invalidate my gender identity

a lot of the time, I did (and occasionally still do) treat my own dysphoric/invalidating thoughts like I treat my intrusive thoughts, like my brain will be like "iF yOuRe A bOy WhY dO yOu WeAr MaKeUp" and I'll just imagine it's a Karen™️ saying that to me so it's a lot easier to ignore and shrug off.

also surround yourself with people who support you!! like for the longest time I'd only wear makeup around my then-partner because I was scared of what my friends would say even though I knew they wouldn't mind, I just didn't feel ready? but just having someone who would compliment my makeup without invalidating me helped so much because then I started thinking that like if they can still see me as a boy, why can't I? and if one of my trans friends did/wore something that was stereotyped as something for their agab I wouldn't think that makes them their agab so why do I do that to myself? it's a lot of challenging personal biases and double standards (which also applies to things like body positivity) which tbh also just makes you a better person

also I think don't throw yourself into the deep end. like three-ish years ago I started painting my nails again and then wearing eyeliner again and then I added lipstick and then eyeshadow, etc. and it is something that is going to take time. like I wore a skirt last week for the first time in almost five years and I looked great and I felt great but I still couldn't shake the whole "if I go out in this, people are gonna think I'm a girl" and it's hard because I have a really "feminine" voice anyway so even when I do pass people just think I'm 12 and I don't think the social dysphoria is gonna go away anytime soon, probably not until I start t at least so it's something I've gotta work on in a not-caring-how-people-see-me way which is so much easier to do for who I am as a person than it is to do for dysphoria. I also started doing more feminine things in a social environment at school because it's an "all girls" school but I'm openly out and a pain in every transphobic teacher's ass so I can do whatever I want and they have to use the right name and pronouns which is affirming in its own way I guess. it is definitely something that's gonna take time so don't rush yourself or pressure yourself, start by doing things just when you're on your own, take pictures for yourself, and only when you feel ready, show those pictures to close friends or family or go to a friend's house in makeup/with a bit of facial hair/anything else that is typically associated with your agab

also like I'm growing my hair out a little, I've wanted to for so long but I was putting it off till I start t but then lockdown happened so I was like I'm gonna grow it out but I'll cut it short before school starts but I've spent a lot of quarantine thinking about my relationship with gender, what I'm comfortable with, what makes me happy and I definitely don't have all the answers but I know that I look cute with long hair and that makeup makes me happy and that I feel confident in crop tops and skirts so I think just thinking about it as "this makes me happy and it's not hurting anyone so there's no reason not to do it." also even with longer hair and makeup and skirts, I'll look in the mirror and see a boy because I am a boy so no matter what I look like, I always look like a boy and I think I can do that now because I spent years telling myself that and reassuring myself so I'm finally at a place where, even when I have bad dysphoria days, I still don't see myself as anything except a boy

I definitely waffled sorry, but tl;dr at the end of the day, take your time and just understand that these things don't make your gender identity less valid, they just make you happier. also (this bit applies to everyone) if you're not out or your friends/family aren't supportive or you're just not ready to show them things you do that are associated with your agab or anything else, I am always here. send submissions or asks or shoot me a message, I am always here to talk, to listen, to shower you with compliments, whatever you need 💛

[floatingcatacombs]

The Magic and Wise Asexual

12 Days of Aniblogging 2019, Day 7

Media tropes about LGBT+ identities are just as old as the identities themselves. The unfaithful bisexual, the effeminate gay, the fetishistic trans woman, the bed-dead and severe lesbians. As I’ve been reading through LGBT+ manga this year, I’ve started to see another recurring trope concerning a slightly different orientation. Let’s talk about The Magic and Wise Asexual.

The magic and wise asexual is not generally supernatural, but rather, in a similar role to the Magical Negro trope, this is a stock character who appears out of the sidelines during a time of crisis to offer crucial insight to the protagonist. Existentially detached from the other character’s romantic and interpersonal struggles, they are able to cut through the bullshit and tell the other character what they truly need to do to be happy. At best, it’s a good way to introduce asexuality to an audience who may not be familiar with the identity and give extra dimension to already strong characters. At worst, this trope uses identity as a tool to solve plot problems, which isn’t a very healthy way to think about marginalized groups. Now I’ll go into each instance of this trope from the manga I’ve recently read, and how each character is handled.

Sasaki-Sensei from Kanojo ni Naritai Kimi to Boku

Ah, Kanoboku again! I literally just wrote about it a few days ago, but I’m back to explore its depiction of asexuality. Unfortunately, it falls into all the tropes I outlined earlier without properly fleshing out its character in return. One of the main characters visits her teacher in the middle of a meltdown over being misgendered and spurned by a boy she likes. Sensing the need for a pep talk, Sasaki brings up how he, too, has felt hurt because nobody understood or accepted him. He spends a whole chapter detailing how he’s always someone without romantic or sexual interests, and how his friends and family have never quite been able to understand that. He concludes that inherent value comes from yourself, not others around you, and that you have the right to decide how you want to live. While self-worth is crucial, this conversation ultimately falls flat. Sasaki-sensei really only seems to exist to deliver one deep truth talk per character in the series, and his asexuality feels like the means to one of those talks rather than a genuine part of him.

Maki from Bloom Into You

Maki is something of an enigma at the start of Bloom into You. What’s he really like behind that shaggy hair and quiet demeanor? Because of spending his childhood with his three sisters, he’s good at talking with girls and picks the student council because of its caretaking roles. All of this femininity makes it easy to headcanon transness onto Maki at first, but as it turns out, this is all setup for Maki’s role as a relationship guide to Yuu and Touko. Maki is fascinated by relationships, he just views them as a spectator sport. When it comes to giving sage relationship advice to Yuu, he’s not just justifying his advice through his asexuality, he’s also using his social intelligence and penchant for observing minute details to inform what he says. His asexuality and feminine attunement don’t make him a pushover, though. During his game of Symbolic Batting Cages with Yuu, he sternly rejects the notion that she might be “just like him”, declaring that he is firm in his lack of orientation but she’s just trying to escape from some complicated feelings. Maki may typically be a reserved and subtle character, but he has enough grounding to rise above the mere trope of wise asexual.

Anonymous from Shimanami Tasogare

Anonymous subverts the trope of the magic and wise asexual by playing into it literally and as hard as possible! If this seems like a contradiction, then it’s exactly what she intended. Anonymous’ ideal self is a person with no past or hardcoded identities. She wants to be totally transparent, but also a mirror. She wants people to project their expectations and desires onto her, helping them find themselves without any active intervention on her part. She’s a magical realist character in an otherwise entirely reality-conforming manga, with frequent shots of her jumping off of buildings and vanishing into the wind. Characters who expect long-winded motivational speeches from her often end up disappointed. Amidst all this intentional mystery and enigma, Anonymous is assured in one thing – her asexuality! The author of Shimanami Tasogare is x-gender and asexual, and I have to assume that some of Anonymous’ backstory and ideals are connected to some of their own. Overall, Anonymous, like the rest of ST, is like no other manga and its sheer uniqueness and willingness to push the “oh yeah asexuals are mysterious and wise and powerful” trope to its natural limits is something to be respected.

_

And that’s it for me! I’m not asexual myself, so my outlook on these characters is more out of archetypical curiosity than any personally deep meaning. But overall, it’s excellent that asexual characters are getting some genuine representation in the recent scores of LGBT+ manga. Even when their representation comes off as flat, it still comes across as genuine and in good faith, which is a step above the representation from manga of decades past.

[transthaumaturge]

On Lumberjanes and a Missing Childhood

Recently, I picked up a few volumes of the absolutely amazing comic series Lumberjanes. Written by a slew of all-star queer/LGBT+ and female writers including She-Ra‘s Noelle Stevenson, it’s a fun and engaging story about girl scouts making their way through summer camp, earning badges and fighting paranormal threats along the way. The characters are wonderful, the stories are comedic and heartfelt, and the series does a wonderful job of addressing what makes each girl in Roanoke cabin both awesome and vulnerable in their own way. If this sounds interesting to you, I highly recommend it if buying it is within your means.

But I’m not writing this post to review the comic, although it features pretty centrally in what I’m about to talk about. The thing is, I felt something that I didn’t expect to feel when reading Lumberjanes--I felt melancholy, and I felt nostalgia for experiences I never got to have. This is a long post, so the rest of it will be below the cut. Prepare for discussion about transness, and what my gender identity and when I realized I was me means in the context of childhood.

I came out to myself as a trans woman around a year ago. I realized I wasn’t cis maybe six months before that, and spent most of my time at college grappling with my latent femininity and what it meant that I ached so much to go out in a dress and paint my nails. However, this means that I missed something crucial that trans girls who successfully decipher their gender during childhood are able to access more and more nowadays--I never got to grow up as a girl.

It might be a bit dramatic to say that I didn’t have a childhood, because I did. I was a kid for about as long as many of you were, and I had many of the same experiences--hanging out with friends in the playground, getting really into trading cards for a bit (I still have my Yu-gi-oh elemental heroes deck somewhere), and even going to summer camp a few times.

However, I also grew up as an autistic kid. As part of that, I didn’t really have a lot of self-awareness. I think that this is the biggest reason it took me so long to realize that I’m transgender. When I was a kid, I identified as a boy because that’s what everyone told me I was. I used male pronouns, and my dad taught me how to shave and tie a tie. I had a bar mitzvah, and joined a male Jewish youth group chapter.

But a major realization I’m starting to have is that during that time, I didn’t really have a rich experience of masculinity. I thought I was a boy, but all that meant to me was that I had male parts, I was growing body hair, and people said that that’s what I was. So I believed them without thinking much about it. What’s brought this to my attention is reflecting on how strongly I experience femininity now that I’ve discovered it inside of myself, how giddy my gender euphoria makes me feel literally all the time (I’m sitting at my computer with a cute dress on right now, and I feel like I’m one happy thought away from either laughing or happy-crying), and how this really truly feels like the first time I’ve experienced gender in a genuine way.

That means that ultimately, I went through my childhood as not much of anything. I developed interests just like everybody else, I experienced puberty and the urges that came with it, and I did my homework with a mix of disgust and enjoyment depending on the class. But I did so as a sort of genderless entity, consuming and producing without much awareness of who I really was. I was what I made, and the content that I invested myself in was me. There wasn’t much else outside of that. So was I really a boy after all? I thought that I was, but in retrospect, I don’t think that that was the case.

Let’s bring this back to Lumberjanes. What would my childhood have been like if I had recognized and understood my femininity much earlier? What if I had been able to transition as a teenager? What if I had been able to participate in a girls’ youth group chapter, or sleep in a girls’ cabin as Jewish sleepaway camp? It probably wouldn’t have been exactly like the way that the characters in the comic experience it, because that’s a romanticized version of friendship and female camaraderie that’s meant to make the story more compelling and highlight interesting character dynamics. But maybe...I would have been able to have some of that. I could have had an awkward makeup phase, where I just caked it on with reckless abandon. I could have explored feminine expression at an earlier age, trying on clothing in clashy colors and trying out weird colors of nail polish with friends at an age where that kind of thing is tolerated, or even expected. And yes, maybe I could have even made a friendship bracelet for a friend at A & C as a 13-year-old camper, while she sat across the table and made one for me.

I know that this is a feeling that a lot of queer people experience along the lines of both sexual/romantic orientation and gender identity--either because they didn’t get to express themselves the way that they wanted to when they were younger, or because like me, they just didn’t know. And I know that my specific longing to have grown up as a girl are shared by many trans women around the world. But this is the first time that I realized this about myself, and I wanted to share it just in case someone is feeling the same way and needs to know that they’re not alone.

So catch me at Gencon later this summer, cosplaying as Jo, an amazing trans girl from Lumberjanes! In the meantime, I’ll focus on grabbing the rest of the comics and probably bawling my eyes out over them at some point.

P.S: This wasn’t in any way an attempt to reinforce a binary way of viewing gender. I know that there are people who experience a mix of masculinity and femininity, people who feel neither, and everything in between. To all of the amazing nonbinary people, genderfluid friends, demi pals, agender comrades, and everyone else who doesn’t experience a gender identity that fits snugly into the presumed binary, you’re all doing great and your experiences are valid.

Love, Rachel

[the-queer-look]

Bee Yourself

When viewed from outside, the LGBTQIA+ community, is portrayed as a single, homogenous culture, with a few socially accepted experiences which cisgendered, heterosexual society expects use to conform to. In reality, the LGBTQIA+ community is an umbrella term for a multitude of distinct cultures, united by shared commonalities. This narrow view of what it means to be a part of our community can be extremely damaging to those looking to find themselves.

The Queer Look seeks to explore the identities and experiences of people within the LGBTQIA+ community. To show the many facets that make up a person, and the ways in which we express our identities physically.

The Queer Look aims to show that just because someone does not follow a traditionally accepted path to their identity, and does not conform to all stereotypes associated with that identity, that their experience is not less valid. A gay man who comes out in his forties is no less gay. A Lesbian who has had several boyfriends is no less a lesbian. A trans woman who does not want to wear dresses is no less a woman. And a trans man who refuses top surgery is no less a man.

We are here. We are queer. And we are as unique and distinct as the colours on our flags.

p.s. True to form, I was so excited about the first interview/photoshoot that I forgot to set up the recording equipment. Luckily, Bee took the time to answer a questionnaire that I sent after the fact, hoping to recapture the questions and answers received on the day.

Preferred Name: Bee

Age: 21

Location: Lewisham

Occupation/field of study etc: Receptionist, Arts - History/Gender Studies

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual

Gender: Non Binary

How would you dress yourself on an average day?

On the day-to-day I pretty much have a uniform! You will always find me in high waisted jeans, a white graphic tee and maroon Doc Martens. Some days I wear a binder but some days I don’t, depending on my dysphoria and level of laziness… I also always have colourful socks on because even if you can’t see them in my Docs I still love them.

At what point did you realise that you were Bisexual?

I think I properly realised when I was at college in university. I was sitting at the dining table with a friend and we were going through my tinder which had all genders selected (although tinder was still pretty binary then…) and we were both commenting on how hot we thought everyone was. Another friend came and joined us and asked what we were doing, to which we of course answered: “oh we’re just looking at hot girls on tinder”. I asked her what she thought of the girl we were currently looking at and she said “oh no I’m not into women” I ended up asking her again because I couldn’t quite wrap my head around what she meant… and in response she said “I’m not really attracted to her because I’m straight.” I think at that point I was like, oh…. I thought everyone was just attracted to everyone??? Which in retrospect I can only eyeroll a bit at my poor baby self… because it really did take me way to long to put it all together… So even though that was the exact moment, I think that was more like the moment I discovered the label applied to me rather than the moment I realised.

At what point did you realise that you were Non-Binary?

I think it was probably a similar experience to discovering I was bisexual. I realised over a year ago now when I was in USYD Queer Revue in 2018. Being around a community of trans people was something I’d never had before and listening to everyone talk about gender and how they felt made me realise that I had a lot of the same feelings… I bought a binder during the show and trying it on I just felt so like myself? I still sometimes feel insecure that I don’t have the classic narrative of knowing I was non-binary since I was a child, because it’s the narrative a lot of mainstream media likes to use for transness. But I think I needed the time to be experiment with femininity before I finally was able to put a name to how uncomfortable I’d been with it for most of my life. I think realising I was non-binary was a lot of putting pieces together rather than a moment of instant clarity. But I’m glad it took me awhile to experiment and figure out what identity fit me.

Have you noticed a distinct change in the way you present yourself from before these realisations to after? How has this changed since?

Definitely!!! I guess the first thing is that I stopped wearing things that make me uncomfortable! When I first came out I tried so hard to fit into the “traditional” narrative of being non-binary, which for afab non-binary people boils down to “if you’re not masc you’re not non-binary”. I wore my binder constantly, I lovvvved button ups and I wore a lot of low-waisted pants and baggy jumpers. After awhile I realised that it didn’t make me as happy as I thought it would, because even though I wasn’t being forced to perform femininity, I was still performing my gender. Now I think what I wear lies somewhere in the middle of what I used to wear before and after coming out. Before I came out I definitely tried as hard as I could to be the “perfect woman”. Lots of femme cut tops, dresses, skirts, heels (which god I hate wearing… just like so much…) and make-up. I still have a few of the clothing pieces I wore back then, but almost all of my wardrobe is completely different. I still wear elements now of what I used to wear – I have always been a jeans and graphic t-shirt person - but I now style them in very different ways.

I’ve also started to reclaim some of the things I vehemently rejected when I was in my masc phase. When I first came out I vowed I would never wear make-up again. But now I’ve come to love wearing make-up as a form of expression when I’m going out or to a party. I still feel pretty dysphoric wearing it day to day, but wearing colourful and bold make-up is something I’ve come to love again. I’ll also very occasionally wear a dress if I feel like it, but I tend to just wear the things that make me comfortable. Now basically all I wear is high-waisted jeans, they don’t give me a very masculine silhouette but when I see myself in photos or in the mirror I look like myself. I joke a lot that I wear a lot of dad fashion, and I think that’s maybe what I’ve become most comfortable in, knowing that people are probably still going to read me as a woman no matter what I wear (thank you heteronormativity…) so I may as well wear what makes me happy and for me that’s feeling like a fancy ass dad.

Do you believe that there is any weight to stereotypes about the way people dress based on their sexuality/gender? e.g. bi people tuck in their shirts, lesbians wear flannel etc. Do you believe that there are inherent differences in the way that lgbt+ people present themselves that make them more visible to other members of the community?

Oh god as someone who adheres to all the stereotypes (eep) this is a hard question! But yes, I think so. I think it really depends on the generation and identity. But I think a lot of people do wear things to make ourselves visible to each other. Whether that’s subtle things like adhering to stereotypes or more overt things like wearing activist or identity shirts.

But a lot of it just comes from LGBT+ culture. There’s an obvious style, way of talking, relating, and expression that LGBT+ people have developed historically and that almost all of us continue to participate in. I think a lot of it comes from musicians, particularly drag or music videos, historical figures like Bowie but now from lots of different singers like Janelle Monáe, Troye Sivan, Kim Petras, King Princess etc etc. I think stereotypes have developed because our culture is so prevalent, and most LGBT+ people adopt stereotypes unconsciously because we surround ourselves with people who express themselves in certain ways and are inspired by them. So, while sometimes we actively try to become visible to each other, I think it’s more that we’re all just hopelessly and lovingly enthralled in our own culture.

Do you feel that a lack of lgbt+ representation in media contributes to a more narrow, shared understanding of lgbt+ fashion, when compared to cis/het counterparts?

Oh god yes. Yes yes yes. Coming out as non-binary I think a lack of representation was so much of what contributed to me struggling with my identity. Before I came out I knew only ONE famous non-binary person… Ash Hardell I’m looking at you. While knowing about Ash was really helpful to me and representation of any form of expression is so important, the overwhelming narrative for afab non-binary people is that if you’re not masc presenting you’re not non-binary. For awhile that meant I tried so so hard to validate my identity by presenting as masculine as I possibly could. I cut my hair, I wore a binder every damn day, I wore joggers and button-ups, I wore hoodies constantly (because apparently to me that was the height of masculinity??). But after doing that for awhile, I realised I was just as unhappy eradicating every ounce of femininity from myself as I was when it was all I expressed. I think going through that process of experimentation was really important for me to realise that instead of trying to fit into what cis/het culture expected non-binary people to look like, I needed to just be myself first and wear what I love and want to wear and know myself that being non-binary is still part of who I am. And a HUGE part of that process was also finding femme presenting non-binary people, especially afab femme enbies. For me it helped enormously in accepting my body and realising that I didn’t have to hate it as violently as I was because it didn’t fit into the definition it was supposed to. Finding people like Dorian Electra (omg please do yourself a favour and look them up they are the epitomy of my gender), Alok Vaid-Menon, Tillett Wright, Sasha Velour etc etc made me realise that there are more ways to be non-binary than just one. Which is what is so damaging about having less representation – it only validates one path, so either you have to bush-bash yourself a new one (which is insanely tiring, emotionally exhaustive and scary) or you have to squeeze yourself into the one path that is provided for you to claim validity. Honestly, I could go on and on about representation but yes it’s so goddamn important. So Mark Zuckerberg and inc. if you’re reading this like I know you are FIX IT YOU HAVE SO MUCH MONEY PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD FIX IT.

When you are in an exclusively lgbt+ setting, do you feel pressured to “play up” your queerness? If so, does this heightened queer exterior feel more true to yourself?

Yes, I think there are still definitely elements of performance to being in a queer space. Sometimes they can be negative, which generally come from the part of me that is still insecure about my identity and worried about how valid I am. I think a lot of queer spaces still hold at their core a performance of queerness that can be a bit exhausting? As cliché as it is, watching Hannah Gadsby’s Nannettereally helped me understand that. Because part of being queer is finding ways to survive, and so much of queer culture revolves around making jokes about our experiences that sometimes are so limiting in how they allow us to exist. We are all just so starved of space to talk about queerness, that when we can I think we all tend to fall into the trap of performing our identities as much as humanly possible. I’m really curious about how other queer people feel about it, but I think for me there is definitely an element of performance that I still struggle with a little. However, I am still so indebted and so in love with queer spaces and queer people. I always feel so at ease being around people who share a way of thinking. And I mean hey, I’m queer, performing is in my blood.

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[aturinfortheworse]

I’m writing up/posting some More Explicitly Trans scenes for my fantasy novel, and totally welcome anyone who wants to read these ideas and share their thoughts. Sorry for long. It long. 

Basic background info.

There are two relevant cultures: Lakhyn and Aokai. The main characters (Aradr and Tan) are both Lakhyn who live in Aokai for part of the book. Lakhyn people have shoulder/neck tattoos designed to be easily hidden or revealed that communicate information about them like their family, career, marital status and gender.

There are three explicitly trans characters. Aradr, one of the main characters, and two Aokai supporting characters. Duan is a trans man, Vros is a trans woman. Duan, Vros and Tan are all soldiers together, Aradr’s off doing her own thing. There’s a minor Lakhyn character who is nonbinary.

Explicit Transness So Far

some icky stuff about Vros’ build (tall/narrow emphasis) that I’ll remove; some stuff about her shaving/having stubble I’m not certain about. She has a baby with her wife but there’s no discussion of like “oh btw my sperm was involved.”

Duan is on the smaller side but I’m not sure anyone’s ever picked it out as weird or a sex/gender thing. I think/hope it comes off more as “Tan is very big and Duan seems small by comparison” but I’ll have to look into that more.

There’s maybe a scene where he helps Tan with her unexpected period, I don’t remember if I kept it

Aradr has a sex scene with a cis woman and makes a baby. She mentions using magic to get an erection in that scene.

I don’t think there’s a lot of physical description of Aradr. Thin and bony, beautiful long black hair, shorter than her siblings, bearing a resemblance in eyes/expression to their dead eldest brother, and from the sex scene: “Their bodies were pleasingly similar. Same bony hips, same stretchmark-striped skin, same calloused knees from kneeling to work.”

Aradr does Blood Magic, and the kind of magic you know is very connected to religion & identity in Lakhyn. There’s a mention of her telling her mum she’s a girl, and mum going “Well that explains all the blood stuff.”

(Blood=women is a very cis perspective I know, but that is kind of in keeping with how I think the Lakhyn would approach it. I don’t think it comes up anywhere else but I would think of Lakhyn people as starting with a mindset of “This is a woman is and what they’re allowed to do, and this is a man and what they’re allowed to do. And sometimes the bodies are different, but just don’t go around trying to do BOTH kinds of things and it’s fine.”)

Vaguely Planning

Surgery and medicine and magic come up a lot in the story and the world building there is pretty fixed at the level that works best for the story, so I’m trying to work with that. But aiming not to let the generally-horrifying tone of most surgery in the book carry over to this stuff.

Both cultures have a good grasp on more basic surgery, eg. mastectomy (not sure if there are other relevant examples?)

So I’m planning Duan to make mention of it, eg. "When I got my tits cut off I couldn’t lift a sword for weeks.” or maybe “I don’t think I could ever have let them at my chest without a few good bottles of wine, no matter what I thought of the result.”

I’m not sure what other medical procedures would come up. I’ve stayed away from most complex or long term medicine in the story.

Aradr has the most opportunity for discussing her gender / revealing stuff about the world building in that regard, both bc she’s a main character and bc Lakhyn just is more ripe for discussion about it. I’ve generally written Aokai as judging people entirely by a few select traits and ignoring all else.

Morin suggested her tattoos would be related to choosing/confirming gender, which is an idea I love and am keeping. But there’s not a lot of talk about Tan or Aradr’s past in Lakhyn, so I’d want it to come up more in the present.

Because she knew she was a girl from a young age, her tattoos don’t show any change in gender (ie. her very first tattoos already marked her as a girl) which would be a different experience than for Lakhyn people whose tattoos make them Visibly Trans.

So like when she comes back to Lakhyn and meets a trans person and wants to be friendly, she’s in that weird position of like “I know you’re trans but you don’t know I’m trans and IDK how to bring it up.”

Or just when she starts meeting new people and is struck by the sort of culture shock of “These people don’t just not-know-i’m-trans (as they did in Aokai) but actively-think-i’m-cis.” IDK how feel about that?

My brain is done of being a brain now so I’m just gonna hope that’s everything. And again totally invite any thoughts people have.

[gayphichit]

@ai-ni-tsu-i-te replied to your post “i lovvveee that art seeing victuuri in trans colors makes me weep”

Do you have any thoughts on trans viktor that you'd share if u were asked coz if so consider this an official asking

buddy my friend i ONLY have thoughts abt trans viktor. my person trans man viktor life story is as follows (lil bit of dysphoria talk maybe tw):

-prefacing this by saying i know NOTHING abt figure skating but yoi land of no homophobia means im taking an artistic license with how competitions would work and everything. 

-there are little things when hes a child that point to him being a boy, but its overshadowed by the fact that his life is figure skating. it isnt until puberty, and he realizes that there is something wrong that he needs to come to terms with. its takes a couple years of thinking and talking and having breakdowns but when he finally realizes it its very clear to him what the problem is. hes a boy but no one else knows

-viktors lesbian moms are of course very supportive of him. honestly the one thing that really stops him from being able to reconcile himself with being trans is his future career in figure skating. by 14 he obviously knows that figure skating, and being the BEST figure skater, is what he wants. he does not want to do anything to intentionally get in the way of that. he even considers holding off his transition until he retires thinking, “it isnt THAT long, ill have my career and then i can be who i am.” he very quickly releases that is no way to live and its the support of his moms that helps him realize that there is no reason to sacrifice who you are, for a career or anything else

-viktor comes out to the media and starts hormones the year before the lilac fairy/eros costume. its his last year in juniors and his first year in the mens division. everyone is expecting a big change for his programs. will he cut his hair? will he stop wearing skirts? will he be able to keep up in a different environment? the answers are no, no, and yes. viktor’s entire thing is surprises and that is what he does: he shows up with his signature long hair in a ponytail, unharmed, and a half skirt that in his own words calls upon femininity and masculinity. and he fucking dominates the competition.

-you obviously cant bind while skating so top surgery is definitely a priority. he has it done before his entrance into seniors division. tbh i dont know if top would keep you off the ice for more than off season (or even what off season is in skating) maybe he takes off a year? could he do that? would viktor do that? i dont think he would if he had a choice.

-he keeps his long hair for years after hes in seniors. he prides himself on both his appearance and his ability to surprise people and his hair does that. he LIKES having long hair. his gender shouldnt determine how he wears his hair. (QUICK SIDE NOTE: victor’s well documented fear of a thinning hairline??? STEREOTYPICAL TRANS GUY FEAR RIGHT THERE. that + his suits just hits me in the head as trans viktor evidence)

-i dont know if his eventual cutting of his hair is to do with his transness at all, especially since we dont know the age he does it. i assume it followed by some emotional ordeal tho considering do weird shit to your hair after a breakdown is gay culture across the board

-on the topic of being a public figure, theres a definite level of paranoia of being trans and that knowledge being available to everyone with a search engine. even in a world without rampant transphobia, there is a level of “is this person treating me different bc im trans? do they even know? should i tell them?” esp with potential romantic partners 

-i really dont think viktor has had much of a romantic past, bc of this and just general no time whatsoever. it isnt that he doesnt WANT it, bc hes such a romantic soul. its really really hard to date when youre trans, and id argue even harder when youre especially romantic and looking for someone to really love and be loved by. it took victor 27 years

-meeting yuuri is a curse and a blessing all at once in regard to fear of judgement for being trans. victor at least knows that yuuri knows, since hes a skater only a few years younger, so he doesnt have to worry about that, but theres still the question of “will he treat differently than he would have otherwise?”

-this is one reason that “i want you to stay who you are, viktor” on the beach is sooo vital to their relationship. being trans is so performative, and as a celebrity there’s so many other aspects of his life that are as well, and having yuuri say “i want you to be you” is a incomparable weight off his shoulders. its very easy to fall in love with yuuri after that.