#when i identified as graysexual i did have to explain it a lot

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

I've know come out to a couple of people as asexual. The responses were mostly neutral, although I did get one 'you are still young, a lot can change'. Though when I explained what graysexual meant that person actually said that sounded a lot like herself. I am just annoyed that the second I am faced with criticism of my sexuality I immediately back down and go from full on ace to maybe aspec. I have also had someone they that it was something a bit drastic to identify with but they apologized right after because to them it probably came as quite the surprise. Among people who were knowledgeable about ace and aro labels a lot actually pointed me in direction of being aro too which was a bit annoying because I wasn't quite ready to face my romantic identity. People who don't know where mostly curious when I talked about it. Some people immediately shut down anything to do with LGBTQIA+ issues, but I am gonna try again with them because I think it is quite likely that they are aspec too and just don't know about the terms. I Just wanted to share some reactions I got to coming out as ace. Mostly neutral to positive but you gotta be prepared to face questions, misconceptions and amatonormativity.

Thanks for sharing this, Anon! I think a lot of people will find this very useful, especially if they're thinking of coming out to more people and not sure what to expect.

[cat-sapphics]

Hey!

I follow the" aroace lesbian" tag and your recent posts have come up in my feed so I just wanted to say that being arospec, acespec (demiromatic graysexual, both labels in the aromantic and asexual spectrums) & lesbian is completely OKAY and you should not let anyone tell you the contrary. Especially uneducated people so 😚🤍

Many aroaces use the term aroace to encompass being in both aromantic and asexual spectrums; this means you experience little to no romantic/sexual attraction and that's more than valid. You can be both arospec and aspec! 🔥 Or arospec and asexual. Aromantic and acespec 🥺🤝

The way YOU experience romantic and sexual attraction is just different to the average allo person, & that doesn't make it any less valid. Attraction is an abstract concept and we shouldn't be putting ourselves into boxes but letting feelings be that, feelings.

Your experiences are necessary and important to our diverse & big aro/ace communities as an aroace lesbian! An aspec person is that who experiences little to no romantic attraction. That's it. THAT'S OKAY 🥰

And being an aspec lesbian is more than valid too, it's not a contradictory term because the little and fluctuating romantic & sexual attraction you DO experience, is ONLY towards women/nb so; I don't see why lesbian isn't a term you can't use. A lesbian is a women/nb female aligned person who experiences romantic, sexual and/or emotional attraction towards women/nb female aligned people. Check, check & check ✅

All in all, ace lesbians, aro lesbians and aroace lesbians are ALL part of the lesbian community & our unique experiences with romance and sex are necessary and valid for it 💓

Sorry if this got long, hope I made my point clear. Aroace lesbians have always been lesbians so don't let any exclusionists steal your peace 🧡🤍💖

thank you!! thank ya thank ya thank ya!! i really appreciate it <3

i will say, i think some of the anons i got did make some valid points (obviously not everywhere you look but they at least gave me something to think about in general) but it really took me by surprise how condescending and disapproving they all were. super uneducated too, i said i experience attraction differently or at least less frequently than average allo people and like ?? that doesn't mean i'm secretly a self-hating lesbophobe ?? you don't get to determine that for me if i'm genuinely happy even though i participate in lesbian discourse and am passionate about keeping the definition specific and closed ?? lol i didn't redefine lesbian or take away its initial meaning so it really had me peeved

i think most of their comments reflect on how they don't believe in aromanticism and asexuality being a spectrum, which i guess i invited by my own doing since i have some conservative and exclusionary views on the lgbt community and that affects my following/audience, but my response to that is that i use these labels because they bring me personal comfort. when i say i'm demiromantic i don't mean that alloromantics have zero standards when it comes to a potential partner or are completely mesmerized by the idea of hook-ups, just that the connection they need to start crushing comes within a decent time period with a personal connection, but not a super strong and deep and loving one that makes it exceptionally hard to fall in love despite however much we may desire to. the label doesn't exist to imply something bad about """normal""" people, it exists to name an experience many people have but to an intense degree. so, yes, it's a pointless social construct, it probably means nothing to you and that's fine, but it still means something to me. i'm not crying oppression or marginalization, and i'm not claiming that i'm lgbt on the basis of being demiromantic/greyasexual, but through being a nonbinary lesbian. that's the difference between mspec lesbians and aspec lesbians, is one is actively harmful to multiple groups and actually Does spawn from a place of internalized lesbophobia and/or biphobia, and the other is just "mmk this is just for me and affects nothing at all, it doesn't drag you into anything at all, i still qualify for lesbian the way you (should!) see it as technically even if you do believe it's redundant, so just... leave me alone" cause it reflects more on them than me when they make it their business by unfairly assuming things about me

same applies to me being greyasexual. still trying to figure out if it means that i experience sexual/physical attraction less frequently, less intensely, or both, but does that matter?? genuinely?? this is also redundant but i didn’t wanna leave it out of the paragraph about me being demiro fk;ljslkgbdvhbs. the aro disapproval part isn’t acceptable at all but i can at least see it since romance is so normalized and is a core part of, y’know, lgb relationships; the greyace disapproval however....... i don’t wanna label it as acephobia because i don’t really believe in aphobia being a thing, but it still kinda rubs me wrong to claim that sexual/physical attraction is a requirement ykyk... NOTHING WRONG WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE SEX OF COURSE (i myself kinda wanna try someday if that works out) i just think frowning upon someone who doesn’t UNLESS they try to claim they’re lgbt on that basis is.................. not really cool. i really hope people who read this understand what i’m trying to say and don’t label me as an ace inclus who thinks aphobia and oppression are real, i was just trying to make a point about my personal experiences oops lmao

and then it became "aroace means NO ATTRACTION AT ALL" okay... so i'm angled aroace, that's a sub-term since aroace is literally an umbrella term, actually (unlike lesbian, shit's complicated ykyk). "YOU'RE NOT AROACE THEN"....... they don't even like the idea of oriented aroace now either, so like, what then, are aroace people just never allowed to feel love or positive feelings from other people ever? jesus christ. i'm not even getting into this, i consider aro/ace identities to be secondary to describe one's attraction so this debate should not be as important as, say, discourse centering the L, G, B, or T. it's just dumb all around tbh

hope i addressed all the arguments against it, but i can't really care at this point if i missed something :/ i'll probably get a mean anon about it so don't worry!! /s jslgjgjkshkj;lhfp

speaking of, i've had to delete so many anons and even turn off the option to ask anonymously because of this discourse. it's so pointless in my opinion, so i've just stopped giving them my time unless i think it's worth answering - but even then, i try to keep it fairly short. i genuinely was not expecting my take on (cishet) ace discourse to turn into myself failing to be seen as a "real lesbian" despite literally meeting its definitive qualifications and then it just kept building up ?? stan behavior tbh, especially since plenty of them obviously come from the same users

i apologize for the rant. i just never really felt like i'd be listened to if i tried to explain my identity, so i gave up and just tried to ignore my way out of it. so i really genuinely appreciate your ask, especially since i can identify you. it really feels like i actually have someone on my side now, so even if you ever disagree i'd know you wouldn't harass me about it. it really means a lot, i really needed this from you and i don't wanna dump more shit but i feel that you deserve to know. so thank you again <3

[riverthunder]

The Stars in Our Skies

For @thespacecryptid for the @ironstrangehaven Gift Exchange ❤️

Link to AO3 Post: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28625829

Notes:

Alrighty, so first I need to apologize to my giftee, TheSpaceCryptid. I tried to finish your gift early, and I want to say I had it done sometime between the 15th and the 20th? And after a lazy Christmas Day I went into my Google Drive to post this and it was just... gone. I have no idea what happened. So I had to redo the whole thing from scratch. In some ways I like this version a lot more, though- and in others I think the original was a little better? But overall I'm pleased with this.

You had a lot of ideas I absolutely adore- like Asexual Stephen (insert my heart eyes here), and stargazing dates, and these two being professors. Just. Mwah. Beautiful.

Also, I'm tagging this as Teen due to some discussions of sex- nothing graphic, though, obviously- since I headcanon ace Stephen as a sex-repulsed asexual like myself.

I hope you like the fic and your bonus artwork to make up for how late this ended up being! Apologies again!!

The Stars in Our Skies

Tony stared just a little bit as the new astronomy teacher strolled into the break room and began fixing himself a cup of oolong tea. He had a beautiful face, with sharp cheekbones and a well-defined jaw, as well as piercing, beautiful eyes. Tony also had a funny feeling that he’d met the astronomy teacher many times before, but he couldn’t put a finger on where.

He knew Professor Strange had been a surgeon back in the day, and he was sure he’d seen him at some of the galas he’d attended in his youth. But it felt like he’d seen Strange more recently than that.

He was very obviously distracted during his class, and he gave up on whatever physics explanation he’d been trying to give the poor engineering class he was clearly confusing, and told them to just go ahead and work on homework, giving them a bonus extra two days on his latest paper as well to top it off while he sat back down at his desk to think.

At the end of the period, two of his best students came to sit next to him.

“Everything okay, Professor Stark?” Peter asked while Harley gave him a knowing smile.

“Fine, boys, just a little off my rhythm is all,” Tony said, trying to look unconcerned.

“You sure?” Harley asked innocently. “Sure it’s not something else? A certain someone, maybe? Like… I dunno… the hot new astronomy professor?”

Tony had been taking a drink of coffee and choked on it at Harley’s words, which was decidedly not good, since the coffee was still piping hot thanks to his specially designed insulated mug. “I- you- what?” Tony spluttered.

“What?” Harley asked innocently. “He’s kinda like you, Professor. A silver fox. He’s smokin’.”

“Harley!” Peter said indignantly. “You can’t say that about a professor!”

Harley shrugged. “Too bad, it’s true, Pete. ‘Sides, Professor Stark should come to terms with the idea.”

Tony’s eyes narrowed suspiciously at Harley’s tone. “Oh really?” He asked. “Why?”

Harley shrugged innocently. “Because I wrote Professor Strange a note in your handwriting and hid it in his desk drawer asking him to go on a date with you tonight at 8:00.”

Tony stood up so quickly his coffee mug almost spilled all over the papers he’d collected from his first period, but before he could shout at Harley at the top of his lungs, a certain handsome professor was standing in his doorway.

“Oh,” Stephen said, looking from Tony to their students. “I’m sorry, are you busy? I could come back another time.”

He was holding a piece of paper that had obviously been folded a few times in one of his trembling hands.

“No, we were just leaving,” Harley said sweetly.

Peter felt himself blushing for some reason as he passed Professor Stark a quick note of his own. “Um, I just wanted to know if you’d please check my work on these chemistry notes,” he said.

Tony glanced down at them. A new web-fluid design. He nodded to Peter. “Yes. Yes. I’ll look them over and e-mail you with any necessary changes.”

“Thanks!”

Without another word, Peter seized Harley’s upper arm and dashed out of the room, while Harley laughed and tried to protest, clearly thrilled with watching Tony flounder in the presence of his crush. You could hardly blame him. Seeing Tony Stark, Iron Man, who was a professor for fun, flounder, was a rare and almost unheard of sight.

“Hello, Professor Stark,” Strange said politely, and Tony felt his face heating up. “Um- hi- I-”

“I am very sorry,” Stephen said, setting the note in his hand down on Tony’s desk. Tony caught a glimpse of the handwriting- fucking identical to his own. That damn Keener brat. When Tony got his hands on him-

“But I am afraid I must decline your invitation.”

Oh.

Tony hadn’t even known he was asking Stephen on a date a few minutes ago, but somehow Stephen’s words still stung.

“Oh,” he said out loud. “Uh… busy?”

“No,” Stephen replied.

Yeah, that definitely hurt.

“Oh.” Tony glanced at the note and quickly plucked it off the desk. “Okay. That’s fine, I understand. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable with this.”

“You didn’t,” Stephen told him. “It was actually very flattering. But I don’t think you would like to be in a relationship with me, so I am afraid I must decline.”

Wait, what?

“Uh… sorry, you lost me,” Tony said awkwardly.

Stephen chuckled. “I identify as asexual,” he explained. “Specifically, a sex-repulsed asexual. And from what I know of your past...er, love life, I think it’s better if I decline the invitation altogether. I don’t want to upset you because you want to have sex and I don’t.”

Tony’s eyes widened. “So it is an ace ring!” He said, pointing at the black ring on Stephen’s middle finger on his right hand. “Rhodey called me crazy and said it was a swinger’s ring!”

Stephen blinked in surprise and glanced down at his ring. “Er- yes, it is,” he agreed.

“Cool! Okay.” Tony shot him a smirk. “In that case- are you an ace of spades?”

Stephen looked shocked. “You- you know about the card suits?”

“Sure do,” Tony said proudly.

Stephen narrowed his eyes. “Okay then- who uses the ace of diamonds?”

“Demisexuals and demiromantic asexuals,” Tony said. “Ace of clubs is for graysexual and grayromantic, ace of spades is for aromantic asexuals, and ace of hearts is for romantic asexuals.”

He grinned, and Stephen had to crack a smile. “Very impressive.”

“So, what’s your suit, Doc?” Tony asked, grinning at him, and Stephen had to resist the urge to let that smile widen.

“Ace of hearts. I’m a romantic asexual.”

Tony grinned. “I can work with that.”

Stephen allowed his face to fall into a small frown. “Tony, I-”

“Look, Doc, I don’t need sex to be happy,” Tony said. “I’ve had loads in my day, yeah, but I’m a big boy and frankly, I think it’s about time I had a relationship that wasn’t so focused on it. If you’re good with a romantic relationship, I can be happy with one, too.”

Stephen chuckled despite himself. “Persistent, aren’t you?”

“Very,” Tony said, a bit smugly.

Stephen chuckled. “Very well.” He wrote something on a small scrap of paper and offered it to Tony, taking back the note Harley had written. “You can pick me up there, at 8:00.”

“I’ll be there,” Tony said, snatching the fake letter back. “And I’ll give you something actually written by me then.”

~(*)~

Tony pulled up to the house on Bleecker Street. Huh… looked kinda like a museum, to be honest.

The elegant Professor Strange was already walking to meet the car. “Right on time,” he teased, climbing in. He looked like he was putting on a brave face as he entered, and Tony took note of the way Stephen’s hand reached for the cabinet handle on the inside of the door.

Tony bit his lip. “I just like to be on time to things,” he said casually, placing his right hand on the console if Stephen wanted to hold it too, or instead.

Stephen nodded. “Well, I appreciate it. So, what’s the plan for our date?”

“I think you told Professor Verity that you like ramen from Samurai Noodle, right?”

Stephen smiled. “Yes, that’s right.”

“Great! Then we’re getting take-out,” Tony told him, grinning to himself. “And I have a great idea of where we can eat it.”

“Oh? And where is that, exactly?”

“It’s a secret,” Tony said, smirking. “Are you ready to go?”

Stephen nodded, looking amused as he took Tony’s free hand on the console. “That I am. Let’s go, Professor Stark.”

Tony snorted as he started the car. “Alright.”

He tried to sound cool, but he knew that he had started blushing.

~(*)~

“So what exactly are we doing in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night?” Stephen asked as Tony laid a large blanket out in one of the large fields near the Avengers Compound.

“Why?” Tony asked, smirking at him. “Don’t you trust me?”

Stephen chuckled. “Is that your way of saying you’re secretly an ax murderer about to eviscerate me in the middle of this field, free of any witnesses?”

“Ouch,” Tony complained. “You’re really good at wounding someone’s ego, you know that, Strange?”

“So what’s the real reason we’re out here, then?” Stephen asked, amused.

“Lay down,” Tony ordered, pointing to the blanket. “And look up.”

Stephen did so, and gasped in surprise. “The stars….” He breathed, sounding mesmerized.

“That’s right,” Tony said, smiling at him. “Not to easy to see them in the city. But I figured you’re the Astronomy Professor… maybe you’d like to see them more clearly? Maybe teach me something I don’t know?”

“Lay down,” Stephen ordered quietly. “There… Orion the Hunter. Can you see his belt? The three stars, just here.”

“Oh… right,” Tony said. “Isn’t he that dude everyone says Artemis loved?”

“A common misconception these days,” Stephen murmured. “In many of the myths, Artemis was actually the one to kill him, on purpose, for harassing her friends, the Pleiades, or she would encourage someone else to kill him for her, such as Apollo. He’d summon a giant scorpion to kill Orion, which many believe is Scorpio, as the two constellations aren’t around at the same time. When Scorpio rises, Orion vanishes.”

“Cool,” Tony said softly, staring up at the night sky with Stephen. “What else can you see?”

“Sirius, the Dog Star, Orion’s hunting dog,” Stephen said, pointing to the bright star. You can see the constellation Taurus there. Gemini there. Monoceros is there, very faint. You see? Look closely.”

“Beautiful,” Tony murmured, resting his head on Stephen’s chest as he gazed up at the sky.

Stephen smiled to himself and wrapped an arm around him. “Hmm. Not as beautiful as you,” he murmured in a thoughtful voice, making Tony blush.

~(*)~

“Was that an okay date?” Tony wondered as he drove Stephen back to Bleecker Street.

Stephen smiled at him. “You don’t know?”

“Not really,” Tony admitted. “And I kinda wanna… you know. Do this again.”

Stephen chuckled as they reached the museum door. Wait… how come even the building looked sort of familiar? And the street…?

“Well, in that case… it was a perfect date, Professor Stark.” Stephen leaned over, kissing his lips gently. “And I expect to go on another one with you very soon.”

“Sure,” Tony said, a little breathlessly, his eyes wide as he stared at Stephen. “Whatever you want….”

“Perfect.” Stephen smiled at him, and suddenly something long, red, and fluttering was at his throat, gently tugging him out of the car. “Alright, Levi, alright. I’m coming,” Stephen murmured, reaching out to stroke the red fabric.

Tony stared at it. A sentient cloak….

Wait- was he-?

Stephen was already disappearing inside the door when Tony found his voice, so he couldn’t ask him directly. He sat in the dark of his car, dumbfounded, and feeling his heart pounding. Was that the kiss, his sudden epiphany, or both?

“FRIDAY?”

“Yes, Boss?” Chirped the cool Irish accent.

“Am… am I dating the Sorcerer Supreme?”

Extra Notes:

To clarify the "Stephen is the Sorcerer Supreme but Tony doesn't recognize him but is sure he's met him before" thing- I headcanon that Stephen's magic acts as a sort of "barrier" to his identity- and just protects his identity for him. I got the idea from Cute High Earth Defense Club actually- where the villains and heroes can't really recognize each other as specific students when they meet due to "radio interference" almost- but in my Stephen headcanon, it's more that the magic puts a sort of veil over Stephen, so Tony is sure he's met him before, but he can't put his finger on where until he recognizes Cloakie and goes "oh shit, Stephen's the Sorcerer Supreme I've been battling monsters with???"

[lemystical-puffle]

My A3 Sexuality Headcanons that no one asked for!

[These won’t include Gender, only sexual orientation or lack thereof(is that a phrase?)]

Color coordination

Gay

Bi

Pan

Aro

Hetero

Sakuya Sakuma: Pansexual! He doesn’t have any preferences, honestly after his childhood he just wants someone who will love and accept him!

Masumi: Bisexual. I feel like he would love the director whether they be boy, girl, other, all, he just wants someone to give him attention, and that person just happened to be out beloved Izumi Tachibana.

Tsuzuru: okay this ones me projecting but whatever Aro/Ace Tsuzuru. He doesn’t feel romantic attraction, and instead just feels a family-brotherly kind of love towards his friends and fellow actors. He doesn’t really want to romantically be with someone, and yet instead just wants to be there for them when they need it and love them the same way he loves his family at home

Citron: Also pan!! But Pan-Romantic specifically. Citron literally just wants to love everyone ever because he’s just awesome like that, but won’t go pass kissing someone. It just makes him uncomfortable which is perfectly fine because he is Citron Lastname! But yeah, also no gender prefermance

Itaru: Bi with a male preference. I can’t really explain why I think this, I just do. Maybe because most of the woman he has ever shown interest in are his 2D anime waifus. Also I mean come on he totally had a whole thing for Lancelot he thinks knights are hot and that is so valid.

Chikage: he is a gay cabbage. Listen the only time he has said he liked a woman it was because he said they weren’t like his mom and I am just- I’m sorry I don’t trust that. This man is a gay, he is never had a boyfriend but he has definitely thought of hooking up with his boss for a raise, thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

Tenma: Also bi! Bi-Ace specifically. I wasn’t really sure where to put him because on one hand I feel like he has a lot of MLM energy but on the other hand his solo song so I just, bi. I feel like his gay awakening came when he played the token gay best friend in a romcom because gay actor erasure but Tenma didn’t really understand, but later he was in a scene where he was with his boyfriend who shows up for one second to remind the audience he’s a homosexual and Tenma was just: crap he’s not

Yuki: okay at first I didn’t know what to put for Yuki cause on one hand sexuality erasure Yuki has specifically said he likes girl and he defies stereotypes and stuff but on the other hand he never said he didn’t like boys so he’s bi with a female preference. I feel like Yuki is the kind of guy to just happen to fall in love with whoever and just go “oh crap did I just fall in love?” And while he likes girls more sometimes it just. Happens.

Muku: Surprise surprise he’s Pan! Muku totally reads shoujo manga with all sexualities and is very livid about good representation, will write a “negative review” (and in Muku terms that’s him being very polite, 4.5/5 stars and linking research resources) about how inaccurate a sexuality was portrayed. I feel like at first he just thought he was a very active ally and now he is just: “oh crap boys. And girls. And enbys. And genderfluids. And everyone.”

Misumi: Misumi is very homosexual, which at first he was sad about because homosexual has 2 o’s which are circles but then he realized he can just say gay but spell it like: G🔺Y so he got happy again. I feel like it was one of the reasons he was kicked out of his home, he just likes boys Jeez Ikaruga parents no rights. (I also Headcanon him as autistic but that’s not what this post is about).

Kazunari: In Kazunari Miyoshi’s world he never has to make a decision in his life and that includes sexuality. Show him a guy and a girl and tell him to pick one and he will simply overload until he picks the person who knows the most trivia on classical art or smthing. Kazunari just: adores everyone ever, and that’s okay! After a lot of internalized homophobia and fear, he was able to come out to first a small group of college friends and eventually felt comfortable with the label and was able to express it openly, now he wears it with pride!

Kumon: I really don’t have any explaining to go here, Kumon just feels gay to me. My head can’t wrap around him wanting to be intimate with a girl. I do think there was this big moment of him coming out to Juza and Juza just going “s’okay.” Then they hug and get ice cream

Banri: Banri is bisexual with a straight pride flag and a Juza Preference. Catch him at the straight pride parade telling “those Homo’s that they’re going to burn.” While making out with Juza against a wall. That’s canon I don’t take criticism

Juza: Also Gay, I feel like Kumon came out first and Juza did research and was like “oh me too.” And just thought about how he’s never actually liked a girl and thought boys were kinda pretty and oh crap Settsu slicked his hair back oh crap oh crap pretty men.

Taichi: Taichi is bisexual, with his preferences being as random as his hair. Except no weird 1/4 quarters going on. Idk where I was going with that analogy I’m sorry. Taichi just likes the humans and wants to go kiss kiss with them all, and then bring them along on his journey for fame and popularity!

Omi: Listen, Omi is the mother of Mankai, and as the mother he loves everyone unconditionally. He also totally wanted to kiss Nachi I’m sorry. I feel like Omi has a male preference, but only by a bit as he loves everyone! He is a good boy and brings all the snacks and water to the pride parades so his friends stay healthy :)

Sakyo: Sakyo is the straight~ supportive dad who doesn’t care if you’re gay straight bi pan anything as long as you pay your taxes. Was probably a little confused at first just because. Probably said “LGBT? Isn’t that a sandwich.” But he got informed did research and is now a huge ally! After more research he identifies specifically as graysexual/romantic as he feels rarely any romantic attraction at all unless under certain circumstances aka Izumi Tachibana. I akso think he suspected that Azami was LGBT for a bit before he came out so he wanted to do research so that Azami would feel comfortable coming out when he was ready. Also he can’t like, not support Sakoda (who I Headcanon as gay :) )

Azami: Azami is bi-aro. Sex? Nah he won’t even hold your hand before marriage, however he will love you no matter your gender. I also see him with a female preference just from his straight upbringing and it’s the title he feels most comfortable with after some internalized homophobia, especially with how his dad shamed him for liking makeup. He is still getting used to the LGBT community and I feel like he is still taking baby steps, learning about different identities and wanting to do all he can to support both himself and his fellow actors due to simply not knowing where to start. Don’t worry Azami take you’re time! There is no rush, you are trying to figure yourself out and we all love you so much for it, there is no shame in changing your mind later. We adore you all the same. (If you couldn’t tell, I wasn’t only talking to Azami. If you are still questioning yourself it is 100% okay, because honestly I am too. There is no rush to figure yourself out, and I hope you know that we are all here for you!)

Tsumugi: Tsumugi is gay, but I feel like he also had a lot of internalized homophobia. I feel like when he was younger he really liked Tasuku but didn’t really understand the difference between platonic and romantic, and it took some time before he was able to really discover himself and come to the identity he has currently.

Tasuku: Tasuku is gay and homophobic.

Hisoka: Hisoka is homo-demi-romantic asexual. I feel like it won’t want to date anyone without really earning their trust and feeling safe around them, and after that point he still will be pretty shy romantically, but it is very much understandable and we all still love Hisoka

Homare: Homare is pan. He doesn’t really care about gender, he just wants someone who will love him and his poetry without seeing him as broken. I feel like after his last relationship he was hesitant to date again, but after some time and help from the rest of winter troupe he was able to rediscover himself. (Also autistic Homare go brrrr)

Azuma: Azuma is an old gay man who just thinks boobs are neat. That’s it that’s the post sent tweet turn off replies.

Guy: New color who this? This is because I didn’t know what to put for Guy, so he simply doesn’t identify as anything. I don’t know a lot about Guy but I know enough to feel like relationships would be very awkward and touchy for him due to his problems with emotions and expression. He isn’t straight, but he doesn’t really identify as anything either. He’s just: Guy. Which is more than valid

[oh also all of winter is Poly and they’re boyfriends thanks for coming to my Ted talk]

Hope you all liked these! Of course they are all my own opinion and you don’t have to agree with all, they’re just how I feel!! Feel free to reply or reblog with your own opinions or Headcanons!!

[ace-thinks]

Hi! So I think that I may be ace. The thing is that I never care a lot about sex and, honestly, I thought that people can't care THAT much about it and that they were faking it in order to be cooler or to fit. I've always feel a little repulsed by the idea, but I thought that it was something normal. 1/5

I had a couple and they wanted to have sex so I convinced myself that I have to do it. When that moment came I freezed and I freaked out, but I still doing it, and honestly, I feel extremely boring and discusting. 2/5 

Few months ago I discovered asexuality and started reading about it, about sexual attraction (which amazed me a lot btw like how can someone feel that way?? ), and about some stuff that ace folks experience and thought before realized they were ace, and all resonate so much to me 3/5 

But Im still not sure and I'm having a lot of anxiety about it haha and I dunno what to do. Like all that I have been doing for the past few months is watching YouTube videos about it, reading stuff about asexuality, imagine scenarios with random people that I see at the street, or just keep staring at them and try to guess if I'm experiencing attraction. 4/5 

Also in movies and books that seem cool and I guess that a part of me want something like that but the reality discust me. (Dunno how to explain myself haha) And I find people attractive and I can tell when someone is what society mean by hot but I don't feel like sexuality attracted to that. Do u have any advice? Or something that I can do to clear up my mind? I'm kinda scared that is internalised homophobia and I'm using ace as an excused (sorry for the English is not my first language) 5/5

Hi! No need to apologize - your English is great! First I want to say that everything you have described is super relatable and really common. Here’s my advice:

1) Stop thinking about it so much.

I know this is easier said than done, but try not to let this consume your life. I used “test myself” out in public too. It was exhausting and stressful and didn’t help me very much. In fact, I think it ended up making me more confused. It’s hard, but whenever you feel yourself starting to do that, try to distract yourself. Mentally switch gears to something else. For me, I would look away and start a random conversation with someone. Or if I was watching a million videos/taking a million online quizzes I would turn off my phone/computer and start doing something else entirely. I did that until I eventually started thinking about my identity less and less.

In my experience, I gained the most clarity once I stopped obsessing over trying to find answers. Thinking about one thing for too long can make everything feel jumbled in your head, but taking a step back might help you come to some helpful realizations about yourself.

2) Trust your gut. 

Internalized homophobia is powerful and hard to overcome, and unfortunately I can’t tell you whether or not that’s what you’re experiencing. A lot of people I’ve talked to who have dealt with internalized homophobia said that their fantasies and imagination helped them realize that they were actually gay. For a while I thought maybe that’s what I was dealing with (or internalized biphobia) but I realized that when I would try to fantasize about people it just didn’t work for me, regardless of their gender. That helped me realize that I wasn’t repressing anything - there just wasn’t any attraction there. 

You mentioned that sometimes the idea of sex sounds interesting but the reality disgusts you. That’s an important feeling. Things often seem nice in theory, but if the reality of it seems unpleasant then that’s what really matters. If you can’t get past that disgusted feeling even when you try to let your mind naturally wander, then you should listen to that feeling.

3) Go for it.

 A lot of us put way too much pressure on ourselves to “get our labels right.” We’re afraid of having to switch later on or realizing that we’ve perpetuated a harmful stereotype by using one label as a “stepping stone” to another one. We’re afraid that people will think we were just in a “phase” or that the identity that we claimed was fake all along. There’s just a lot of pressure. But here’s the thing:

There shouldn’t be. 

From everything that you said, it sounds like you’re really leaning towards the idea that you might be ace. Great! Try the label on. Don’t ask anymore questions for a while and just see how it feels to identify as ace. Don’t worry about if you’re “ace enough” or if you’re actually secretly gay or anything like that. Just let yourself be ace.

How does it feel? Does it feel natural? Does it feel like it just fits somehow? Cool! Then stick with it! Be asexual.

Labels are not supposed to predict the future. They’re supposed to describe the present. If right now, you feel like sex really isn't your thing then I don’t see why you shouldn’t identify as asexual if that’s what you want to do. Then maybe one day you’ll feel super attracted to someone and decide that you’re graysexual or demisexual or gay or pans or whatever. Cool! That’s totally fine.

Try not to choose a label based on what might happen. Think about what feels real to you right now. If right now, it feels the most accurate to call yourself asexual, then go for it.

___

Anyways this was a really long response but hopefully there’s some helpful stuff in there. If anyone else has any advice they want to add on, please feel free to do so!

Also you can always ask another question or DM me if you want!

[hollowmoonvalley]

hi again! i was just wondering if there’ll be a scene where isa tells mc he’s ace and mc can tell him that they are too 👀 i’m guessing there will be but just wanted to ask! also i’d like to remind you that the game is wonderful and thank you so much for making it :D

Aww thank you again! This is a bit difficult and long to explain why, but sorry this is actually one thing I had planned not to do. But it’s not just with ace: it’s with all sexualities/identities. Hopefully this doesn’t ruin the game for you, and apologies if it does because of my decision. TL;DR reasoning at the bottom!

The reason why is because I didn’t want to (even if it’s only in my own mind) is lock Mc into a box labeled ‘sexuality’; I’ve seen a lot of games where they ask readers, “Hey what are you into?” and then lock Mc into x,y, or z (i.e straight, gay, bi, etc.). Gods know how many times I’ve had to pick bi so that I could freely choose lol. Which is totally a-okay and I’m not hating on it;  to be honest I was going to do that too. But it’s not what I want.

What I wanted was what I saw one or two games did, where they didn’t ask for Mc’s preference. They just went, ‘Go for who you like, and it is what it is.’ And that I liked more. While labels are nice for identifying, I don’t like them when they become restrictive.

Even if I put it in for flavor, ehhh I don’t think it would be...worth it? Because no matter what Mc identified as, ROs wouldn’t care and still love them for who they are. Now what I definitely will be putting in is a toggle the option to have a less or even completely physically free relationship (i.e no sex, minimal or no physical affection). I feel like this way, reader’s can have more options in head-cannoning what their identities/labels are (i.e demi, aro, androsexual,graysexual, etc) and hopefully feel more comfortable in not having to fit themselves in whatever options I do give them.

It’s kinda like how for Chevy she’s straightish? Because she identifies as straight, but hey if she likes a f!Mc, then she’s gonna like a f!Mc. I personally don’t think that automatically make her bi, or lesbian though; just Mc-sexual lol.

I don’t have plans for any of the RO’s sexualities/preferences to come up either other than  for Isa. And the only change would be that there would be no uh option/scene to do the do with him (before readers lock in on with him, I will place a warning though in case that is a deal-breaker for readers who do not know. This is the only time I plan on bringing it up.). And even then since it’s not brought up in story, readers can technically head-cannon they Mc and him did it if they want, I’m just not gonna write it because my head-cannon is that he’s ace lol.

The subject of sexualities/identities is such a delicate topic that can be very important to people, and since I am unable to comfortably accommodate for it I want to leave it up to readers to decide. Honestly I felt the same way about gender, but I needed a way to have characters to address Mc so... I couldn’t just leave it blank lol

TL;DR No, because I want readers to be able to head-canon whatever they want and not be restricted to what options I give them. I will be putting a toggle though for how much (or little) physical affection Mc is ok with, and the option to do the do or not.

[carewyncromwell]

This is going to sound weird, but I think I'm an ace?? I don't really know though. I've looked it up before and it's kinda confusing all the labels and such, but also makes sense to me??? Since the description says carey is an ace, could you please explain it? Like what's it about, and how did carey find out she was one? How does she know that she's not Pan? Does she come out to others? Sorry if this is a bad ask :(

Hi, Anon! Well, like Carewyn, I identify with the asexual spectrum, though I’m still romantic...so hopefully going into my experiences (which colored Carey’s) might help? Naturally everyone’s experience is a little different, even if they’re the same or a similar sexuality, but sometimes one can find common ground. all the same.

First things first, one must split asexuality up into some categories, for it is a spectrum:

Asexuality (Ace) is feeling little to no sexual attraction. One can feel romantic or even aesthetic attraction even if they don’t have much interest in or are actively disinterested in sex. Some ace people are also sex-repulsed, meaning they are actively turned-off by sex, but a lot of ace people aren’t. People who are asexual can still have sex or masturbate and even enjoy it, but generally don’t have as much interest in it as straight/gay/bi/lesbian/pan/etc. (A.K.A. allosexual, meaning “feeling any kind of sexual attraction”) people do. Some people on the asexual spectrum like to use this word rather than any of the following terms as it’s the most all-encompassing and recognizable, even though asexuality in general still isn’t very well-understood in mainstream society.

Demisexuality (Demi-Ace) is only feeling sexual attraction after creating a close emotional bond with someone.

Graysexuality (Gray-A) is only feeling sexual attraction very sparingly or in limited amounts.

Asexuality can also be refined further depending on what if any kind of romantic attraction one feels.

Some asexuals don’t feel any romantic attraction at all. These people are asexual/aromantic, or aro-ace. These sorts of people are perfectly happy just experiencing platonic love. They also sometimes enter into what are called queerplatonic relationships, which are individualized and customizable relationships that sort of play with the conventions of what’s generally classified as “romantic” and what’s classified as “friendship” (for instance, some queerplatonic relationships involve hand-holding, others don’t; some involve sex, others don’t; some involve two partners living together, others don’t; some involve exclusivity with one partner, others don’t).

Some asexuals, however, do feel romantic attraction, at which point they can be split in a similar way as sexualities are, except romantically. This is how you get people who are asexual/homoromantic (being romantically attracted to the same gender), asexual/heteroromantic (being romantically attracted to the opposite gender), asexual/biromantic or panromantic (being romantically attracted to multiple genders), and so on.

For me, I only first suspected I might be asexual as an adult, as when I was a teenager I hadn’t even known it was a thing. Before then, I’d been romantically attracted to and dated both a woman and a man, and looking back on my experiences, I was very aware of how much less interest I had in intimacy compared to my partners. I just always found myself getting bored whenever we’d share long, deep kisses or restless whenever we were cuddling too long, even if I really enjoyed being with my partner. Whenever sex would come up, I was just never really that interested -- especially in comparison to how interested I’d be in going out and doing things with my partner, like going to the movies or watching a show or even just having a spirited debate about something. When I was younger as well, I always felt very out-of-the-loop whenever anyone my age gushed about how “hot” a celebrity was or made sexual innuendos. It’s not that I didn’t know what the innuendos meant or that I was a prude, either -- there were plenty of times I’d use those terms myself or write “lemon” fanfictions for my fandoms, to fit in -- but I always felt like the things that drew me to people were different than what drew other people to them. My crushes were almost never about how “sexy” someone was -- if anything, I most frequently ended up getting crushes on people for their singing voices. (Yes, I’m serious. XDDD) I’d also have trouble relating to people talking about a certain woman having a great ass or a certain guy’s muscles because my brain really just doesn’t split people up into pieces like that. I’m much more likely to find someone beautiful because of their sparkling eyes or their bright smile than because of their body -- it’s not that I can’t see someone as beautiful all the way around, but it’s much more of an aesthetic attraction, like one might feel toward a piece of art, than anything that gets you hot and bothered. And it took me a long time before I really could figure out the difference and therefore why I had such difficulty relating to the allosexual people around me. At times it made me feel stupid or, worse, like there was something wrong with me. I felt like maybe I’d just been born missing something, and it made me that much more afraid to even open myself up, because I felt like I wouldn’t be able to be what anyone I might fall in love with would need me to be. Fortunately I learned otherwise, and now I feel a lot better, now that I understand this aspect of myself. It also makes it a lot easier for me to talk about LGBT+ issues and about romantic relationships with other people, now that I can better explain where I fit on the spectrum!

I see Carewyn, like me, only really learning about what asexuality is as an adult, and once she did and did the proper amount of soul-searching, she came out to her friends about her identity. I personally HC her “unofficial twin” and fellow Fireball Charlie Weasley being aro-ace and her future love interest Orion being gray-A, so that definitely helps a bit...and I also HC several of Carewyn’s other friends as LGBT+ too, including her ex-boyfriend Andre Egwu, so they’re all pretty accepting. ^.^

[just-graysexual]

(1)I apologize for the complexity of this question, but this is it. I'm male, and frankly, I sometimes feel attracted to girls and I sometimes feel attracted to guys, but I almost never want to have sex with either. So I'm not sure if I'm bi or gray. I also only have a ROMANTIC attraction to girls, not guys. Is it okay for me to call myself gray? And if I ever find a girl, how can I explain? Gray is hard enough without being bi too. I feel like this would scare most people. It would be easier to

(2) just keep it a secret forever, I suppose, but that sounds to me like lying, and I just don’t feel right lying. It seems unfair to my partner and unfair to me. Even if I would gain a relationship, I wouldn’t be truly happy, because I would feel like my relationship is based on deception. So I guess I’m asking if I can call myself gray (which, I think, is how I feel) and how I can live my life honestly. Even if I never find somebody, I would rather that than lie. Thanks for your help and time!

Hey Anon,

It’s okay. And you’ll be okay. You hang in there. I understand that this is really hard and confusing, but everything will turn out okay. I totally understand where you are coming from and know what you mean. You’ll get through this and you will be okay.

Don’t ever worry about telling someone your orientation. You are never under any obligation to tell anyone your orientation. No one has to know your sexuality. Not your family, friends, partners, co-workers, etc. No one. It’s your orientation. It’s your private business. It’s nobody’s but yours. You have every right to not tell someone your orientation. In no way shape or form are you lying about yourself by not telling someone your orientation. It’s never unfair to not tell anyone about you orientation, it’s completely fair. And remember you are more than your orientation.

You are a person. You have a variety of different qualities and traits. You have a personality. You have characteristics that many people are attracted to. You are you. You mean a lot to so many people already, your orientation should never matter. You can offer someone so much and be so good for someone. People come to for different things and everyone has a special and unique relationship with you, which is why they all care and love you in their own way. You are important to people. You matter. Not your orientation.

If someone only sees your orientation and not the amazing person that you are, then they are not worth. There maybe people who will have a hard time understanding graysexuality, but there will people plenty of other people who will completely understand, accept, and respect you and your orientation. And you will meet someone who cares about you and not your orientation. You will meet someone who appreciates who you are and loves you for who you are. If it’s the right person, then your orientation should not matter.

Many people have a lot of different viewpoints when it comes to telling their partners about their orientation. Remember, coming out is always your business. You don’t ever have to tell anyone. There are some people who feel that the direct approach is best and to tell their partner’s before they enter a deeper relationship with them. Then there are other’s who will do it later on. Then there are some who don’t come out right away, but try to engage how the other person feels about LGBTQIA in general. You can try that.

Keep everything general. Find out what the other person that you are interested in knows about LGBTQIA. Talk about it very casually. Then later on slowly introduced them to asexuality and the asexual spectrum. Discuss other general things like the sexual spectrum. And how it’s possible to have more than one sexual orientation. Or sexual attraction. How is that person attracted, what attracts them, etc. Keep in general. Then you can get more specific and introduce them to graysexuality. And discuss how you feel towards it, how you connect with it, and why you identify with it. Keep it light and casual, until you are ready to get more into gray-a. Let them ask questions. Ask them questions. And see where the two of you stand. Talk to them how you personally relate to graysexuality. How it’s important to you and why it means a lot for you to identify with this way. Remember, if it’s the right person, then they would not care about your orientation. They will accept and respect you for who you are. You are more than your orientation, your sexuality should not matter to them.

Don’t worry or stress too much about finding someone. You will. Sometimes when you least expect it. Sometimes it’s best to not look for someone and just let life happen. When you meet someone, you will meet someone. It will happen for you. For now, live your life. Hang out with family and friends, have fun, and don’t worry about the future, possibilities, or what ifs. 

I completely understand you when you said you are attracted to girls and guys, but feel no need to have sex with them. I went through something similar. I thought guys were cute, but at the same time I thought girls were cute and I never really understand what the big deal was. There are good looking guys and there are good looking girls, but so what? I was confused. I struggled with my sexuality for a long time. Was I attracted to both? Did I like both? But I never felt the need to do anything. So what does that mean? Am I bisexual? I didn’t know until I did some research and examination of myself.

It really does sound like you are gray-a. And it would be perfectly acceptable and valid for you to identify that way. One trait about gray-a is feeling attraction, but having little-to-no desire to act upon it. Since you are attracted to both girls and guys, but feel no need to have sex, this definitely points to graysexual. And it maybe possible that you are bisexual too. It’s totally cool to have more than one sexual orientation. And graysexual is actually very flexible and open to being attached to other orientations, especially if you know how your attraction works. We actually have many people who identify as bisexual and graysexual. There are many BiGraces within the community. So you are most certainly not alone.

And it’s completely cool if you are only romantically attracted to girls and not guys. It’s perfectly fine if one of your attractions is only towards one specific gender. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s perfectly fine to be heteromantic and (bi)-graysexual. It’s okay if you romantic orientation is different from your sexual orientation. They are two separate things dealing with two different attractions. It’s more than possible to have them be different and perfectly valid and acceptable if they are.

And when it comes to telling someone, do what you want to do. You can tell someone you are bisexual, graysexual, or bi-graysexual. Tell people what you want. If you want to say you are just bisexual, you can. If you want to say you are just graysexual, you can. If you want to say that you are bigrace, you can. Not one of these is lie. You are not deceiving anybody at all. I promise.

Hang in there, Anon. Graysexual definitely sounds like it could work for you. It would be perfectly valid and acceptable for you to identify that way. If you feel connected with it and are comfortable identifying that way, then go for it! Go with whatever makes you most comfortable. You are completely free to identify however you want. And you have every right to not tell someone your orientation. It’s your choice to tell somebody or not. And you don’t always have to. If you ever need to talk or have any questions feel free to message me anytime.

[just-graysexual]

Hello, I recently discovered I'm ace/grayace bc my friends spent hours talking about their sexual preferences and I was an outsider because I related to none of them. I feel lost yet at the same time it's comforting knowing I do have an identity and that I'm not alone. Any ideas on how to come out to my friends/make it less awkward while talking to them? Thanks :)

Hey Anon,

Congratulations on finding a sexuality that works for you! That’s great! Coming out is alway something you should do on your own terms and when you are ready.

If your friends discussions of sexual preferences and other sexual related things makes you feel a little uncomfortable you could tell them that. Just ask them nicely not to talk about these things around you. You don’t need to fully explain yourself or come out, just simply state you don’t like hearing about these things. You view them as private and don’t feel comfortable listening about your friends experiences or feelings. I’ve done this with my friends and they are all very understanding and respecting of me. Sometimes when these conversations start my friends will ask if its okay if they talk about it while I am there. I’m sure your friends will be kind and respectful enough to accept your boundaries. 

Many people like the direct approach, but I understand that this can be scary. You could also try to engage how other people feel about asexuality before coming out yourself.

If you want you could go to just one friend that you trust and are most comfortable with first and confide in them. When you are ready tell all of your friends have that one friend to be their and support. Be prepared and be patient. A lot of people don’t know about Asexuality or the ace spectrum. They may say something that can hurt you, but don’t let that get to you. They may ask a lot of questions answer to the best of your abilities. Just stay calm and cool and explain as best as you can.

You could try to talking to your friends about sexuality and sexual orientations in general. Ask them if they know that sexuality is a spectrum and ranges. Talk to them if they are aware of all different sexual orientations. You could bring up the Storms Model or the Kinsey Scale. 

Or you could mention things about how there are people who have all different views off sex, like sex-positive, sex-favorable, sex-indifferent, sex-neutral, sex-averse, sex-repulsed, sex-negative. Something simple like, “Hey guy’s, did you know that people have all different views on sex?”

Compare and contrast how you feel with sex to how other people feel. Ask them about sexual attraction and how it works. Ask them how they are attracted to somebody. Explain how many people don’t feel that way or don’t even know what it feels like. Ask them questions too. Ask how they feel and how they know it.

When these conversations start try to find a time to throw in something about asexuality. Ask if your friends ever heard of it or what they think it means. Or you could make a fly away comment like, “I read something about asexuality the other day, you guy’s ever hear about it?” And you could start talking and discussing things. Or you could mention asexuality and comment how you thought it was really interesting and is helping you learn about sexual orientations.

You could talk about how you found asexuality and explain how a lot of it really resonates with you. “So I saw something about asexuality and it’s umbrella terms and a lot it seems to relate to me.” You could talk about how much you read up on it. How other people relate it it and identify that way. Discuss how many people identify as ace, how their feelings and experiences are similar to yours. You could say, “I found something about asexuality and I feel really comfortable as identifying that way.” You could then elaborate and discuss graysexuality.

You could talk about how you have been trying to figure out your sexuality for awhile and you finally found it. You feel happy to have found an orientation that you can connect with and identify with. You feel great that there is an orientation that describes you.

Good luck, Anon! Always come out when you are ready. You could do the direct approach if you want. Or you could start off with general conversations about asexuality and the ace spectrum before coming out. Try to engage how your friends feel and what their views are. Come out to one friend you feel most comfortable with first if you wish. I wish you the very best. I hope your friends are completely respectful and acceptable towards you. Keep in mind that it may take them time to learn about this and fully understand it. Just do your best. If you ever need to talk or need any help I am here. Feel free to message me anytime.

And welcome to the Graces :).