#when i'm writing replies

[smokestarrules]

eight-episode seasons becoming the norm, shows being cancelled after their first or second season altogether, corporations not spending a single dollar to promote their renewed shows, corporations deciding to renew based on how many people binge it over and over and over again... this is the slow, choking death of media literacy. 

[magnusbae]

I am so smitten with fic writers who take the time to actually respond to comments, it is the loveliest sweetest thing, and I think it is not appriciated often enough. They anyways spend countless hours writing, and when not writing editing and trying to manage some other activities also. To sit down and reply to comments takes time and energy, and they chose to do this instead of the myriad of other obligations or, well— writing. I love this. Truly.

[rae-pss]

So belphie self aware? I think he would be the most chill one of all the king like beel 🤔

This is my rate about which the most dangerous self aware down to the less dangerous one.

1.Lucifer

2.leviathan

3.satan

4.mammon

5.beel

6.belphie or asmodeus ( I still don't know much about asmodeus so I just put him with belphie )

i may not remember much about whb, much less about the newer characters: however, it's undeniable that lucifer is the most dangerous one by far. i mean, his power range exceeds the rest for sure, so a wrong move, and it's sealed.

then, leviathan jealousy is clearly a threat to anyone involved in whatever made him wary. closely followed by satan's wrath, which is terrifying on its own but debatable if it's worse or not in comparison to leviathan... the harm can be similar. yet satan can be sweet-talked and convinced in an easier way for sure.

now, being honest, i'm not confident which would be more dangerous, if mammon or beelzebub, simply because both seem pretty easygoing and down to earth if you understand me. they've their moments and things, like everyone else; although, i believe beelzebub would be a little more unpredictable, you know?

sadly, about asmodeus or belphegor i know almost nothing, but for what i've seen of the latest i could say he doesn't look as unstable or alarming as the others.

[bixels]

Looking for good romance fics on fimfiction is such a mental endurance task because most of them will be stuff you're not interested in, a good number will be child x adult crap (usually Spike), and then a handful is maybe the worst, most abhorrent and disgusting premise you've ever heard of and they'll have, like, 400 likes. And I'll think to myself, hm. Maybe I don't wanna associate myself with this fandom.

[total-drama-brainrot]

father ophe shall you psychoanalize courtney

specifically her Problems™️

You know, as much as I'd like to say Courtney deserved better than she got, for the most part I think a lot of her suffering in Total Drama was easily predictable for a person with her characteristics.

And I don't mean that in a "Courtney earned everything she got by means of being a Bad Person™" kind of way. Because she's not - a bad person that is. But the fact remains that Courtney's depiction in the show, and most of her unfortunate actions/decisions, are a direct result of her character aspects. Her personality and drive. Her priorities.

In a more realistic show, she'd experience the same tragic outcome simply because she's too invested in winning, and that investment blinds her to the unsightly actions she can and will take to win.

So I'd like to preface this analysis with that; Courtney's actions in the show are easy enough to ignore as "poor writing choices", but they do make sense for someone with her particular temperament, chronic need for commandership, and perfectionism.

Let's start with season one Courtney (or Island Courtney).

At the beginning of the show in its entirety, we're introduced to a Courtney who's a lot less intense than the one we eventually come to know and love. In fact, Courtney in the first two episodes of the show is significantly different from how she's portrayed throughout the rest of the show; she's compassionate and caring (her concern for Izzy during her introduction), and she's far more rational and level-headed than her later depictions. That's not to say she's not the same competitive and managerial girl, she's just... more subdued.

Even her speech patterns are different - I remember there being some confusion about who her voice actress was in the first couple of episodes, simply because her voice is so much softer (and slightly nasally), though this can be excused by the fact that the VA was likely still getting a feel for her character and how she wanted to portray Courtney.

Of course, at the end of episode two, we get to see a glimpse of Courtney's competitive (and slightly unhinged) spirit in the little monologue she gives to the camera. A sign of things to come.

One thing I find particularly ironic for Courtney is this confession she makes about Eva, where she states that someone's strength doesn't excuse their "psychopathic" actions/behaviour. Given how she acts in later seasons, this really highlights either a complete lack of self awareness in Courtney herself, or a major shift of her priorities prompted by her deep-rooted need to win.

Episodes three and four seem to be where the real Courtney comes into play. She starts showing off the characteristics we'll eventually come to associate with Courtney's personality, most notably her quick temper and her need to be in charge/control of the team. Whereas previously Courtney had calmly cited her experience as a CIT to justify taking control, from Dodgebrawl and beyond she starts simply utilizing sheer assertiveness (and her team's unwillingness to challenge her authority, outside of Duncan) to order the Bass around. And it works. For the most part.

Then her romantic subplot with Duncan begins, and we get to see the less obvious aspects of Courtney's character come into play.

Her confidence issues and the value she ascribes to "strength" (in Phobia Factor, when she can't face her fear), her repressed rebelliousness and impulsivity spurred on by Duncan's influence (pretty much the secondary focus of episode 12, Basic Straining) and, in relation, her secret desire to be free from the constraints of being a "rule follower" and the lack of knowledge/confidence to seek said freedom.

And then she's eliminated. And something in Courtney shifts.

Which, to be fair, I'd probably snap too if I was unfairly eliminated via rigged votes from a competition I'd dedicated myself to winning, especially if the votes were rigged against me for the actions of my kind-of boyfriend.

In the interviews we get with her in Haute Camp-ture, Courtney is hell-bent on revenge against Harold for her elimination, and she's violent with her threats against him. And her acts against him - she literally attacks him with a light pole and then bends the metal of the pole around him.

People who are mentally sound don't trap people in light poles.

They also don't fixate on winning reality TV shows to the point that their relationships deteriorate underneath their competitiveness and drive, but I digress.

Action happens, and it's. A thing. Courtney's played as the second and more threatening antagonist of the season, and she fits into the role well. They really ramp up her self-entitlement this season to play into the whole "I'm a CIT and a lawyer in training" deal, to the point where she literally sues her way back into the running. And her louder personality traits are amplified to make her more objectively villainous - not in the sense that she herself is villain, more so that her actions and behaviour work as the catalyst for a lot of conflict within the show. None of the other girls can stand her, she actively suffocates her boyfriend under her perfectionist standards, so on so forth.

It's still Courtney, just more. Like someone dialled up the Courtney-meter to an eleven, and sprinkled in some extra temper issues.

It's not like this shift in personality came out of nowhere though. As I said before, she's already showcasing this new aggression and overbearing will to win in Haute Camp-ture, so we know that her initial elimination in Island is what prompted her mental descent into antagonism. Though at this point, she doesn't recognise her actions as unreasonable. To Courtney, everything she's doing is entirely justifiable, and anyone who disagrees with her is trying to sabotage her.

Just like Harold did.

Courtney's competitiveness and her willingness to do anything to win and, in part, innate aspects of her temperament, but they're also symptomatic of the trust issues her Island elimination instilled in her. Trust issues that cause her to alienate herself from the people around her, holding others to impossibly high standards and/or disregarding them as not worth her time, in a subconscious effort to prevent them from hurting her.

Her relationship with Duncan becomes rocky at this point because she's overbearing and distrustful, and he's averse to authority and flaky. Courtney's perfectionism and trust issues work directly against Duncan's own problems, and their romance crumbles under the pressure.

Or at least it would, if they'd stop getting back together.

And then World Tour happens.

Courtney is initially distrustful and avoidant of Gwen, because she sees everyone else in the competition as a direct threat towards her and her acquisition of the million, but slowly comes to see Gwen as an ally. And then a friend.

And then Gwen breaks that trust by kissing her boyfriend. The trust issues come back into play with this betrayal, and Courtney's more aggressive personality traits come into play once again. This time though, her intenseness is a defence mechanism against the people who've hurt her, not a means to fuel her desire to win.

Eventually she gets eliminated for putting what little fragments of trust she had left into Alejandro of all people, but to be fair she doesn't really seem that bothered about losing World Tour - if her continued support of Alejandro in the finale means anything.

And then, I've heard, All-stars is an awful season for her. I haven't watched it, so I can't comment there.

-

That about wraps up the summary, let's get into her mindset.

Courtney enters the show itself as a seemingly demure and responsible person. She's proud of her status as a CIT and future lawyer, and she strives to lead her team to victory.

From the get-go, we see hints of her internalised need for leadership, and glimpses of her perfectionism. As the series progresses, we get to see her character grow from someone who follows rules and regulations to the letter, to someone who isn't afraid to take risks and break rules to her own advantage - which directly opposes her perfect "goody two-shoes" mindset and feeds into that suppressed desire for freedom I mentioned earlier. We also get to see her temper come into play, as she becomes a lot more assertive and quick to anger as the season progresses.

The Duncney plot in Island could have been good for the both of them, had their eventual fate been written differently. Duncan taught Courtney how to let loose and be reckless, and Courtney could've taught Duncan the value of structure and control in day-to-day life. They balanced each other out.

Her elimination is where Courtney's Problems™ come into play. For the most part she was a bossy but bearable presence on the Island, and it isn't until she's booted off the show that her more manic and unreasonable behaviours start surfacing.

We know from her whole "uptight CIT" deal that she struggles with perfectionism, and confidence issues that stem from said perfectionism (since no one can ever be perfect all the time, that's just human nature), so she disguises her insecurity underneath a layer of fake emotional strength that usually manifests itself as pride. It can be assumed, given her track record of overachievement, that her parents are probably the ones that enforced the standard of flawlessness within her. To the point it became less of a suggestion or a goal, and more of a constant standard she has to live by.

Her unfair elimination hits her hard, not just because it gives her some trust issues (that are only exacerbated later on) but because losing the competition goes against her standards of perfection. She was supposed to win, and not doing so is falling short of her expectations.

Her perpetual need to be the leader is likely a symptom of control issues, which often times go hand-in-hand with perfectionism - it's easier to make sure things are exactly as they should be when you're in complete control of them. It's also probably a result of her upbringing as an overachiever or "Type-A", as leadership skills are seen as a desirable trait to cultivate.

You mix together her control issues, her perfectionism and her competitiveness and you have yourself a very volatile molotov cocktail of emotions ready to blow upon her elimination.

Another thing I want to touch on is how unaware Courtney is when it comes to other people's needs and desires. She's very egocentric in her perception of the world, and oftentimes ignores or just doesn't realise how her own actions can impact other people. The biggest example of this is her treatment of Duncan throughout Action, where the impossibly high standards she holds him to take a huge and visible toll on his health, but she doesn't seem to notice. Or care. Because she's so caught up in the idea of having a "perfect boyfriend" that she doesn't think to consider how said boyfriend feels about it.

This egocentrism also plays into her control/leadership issues, since she oftentimes sees herself as the only person qualified to lead a team of people.

So, to summarise:

Perfectionism instilled within her (probably by her parents) that lead Courtney to holding herself to impossibly high standards she can never hope to achieve.

Confidence issues because of these unachieveable standards that she compensates for with a "large and in charge" personality, feigning emotional strength by supressing her feelings, and getting as many academic and extracurricular credentials as she can get.

Despite the confidence issues, she sees herself as inherently better than other people, either because of her own achievements and "good qualities" or because the people around her don't meet her standards.

Competitiveness and ambition aplenty, fuelled by the perfectionism.

Trust issues thanks to the repeated unfair betrayals against her, that feed into her delusion of not needing other people, being better than other people.

Control issues that feed into her desire to always be in positions of power and/or leadership.

Egocentrism and a lack of awareness of others' thoughts and feelings, especially in relation to how her behaviour can affect others.

... Courtney has NPD.

Courtney has NPD and the stress of Total Drama acerbated it until Courtney herself became volatile and unstable.

But that's not the point of this post. Though it does explain the gradual shifting of her personality from a functional CIT to a semi-funcitonal Reality TV washup.

Her issues lead her to make decisions that seem rash and irrational, but to Courtney herself she's fighting tooth and nail against a cast that are actively praying for her downfall, so her ruthlessness is entrely warrented. She's a victim of her own delusions and trust issues, and a bigger victim of the horrors of Total Drama that led her to becoming the person she was shown to be.

Therapy and a lot of time away from competitions would do her a world of good. Getting herself out of the climate of Reality TV entirely could save her.

[ash-and-starlight]

you’ve probably gotten a lot of asks like this, but I just haven’t seen any posted. what are your feelings on the remake, if you are watching it? more specifically, what do you think was the biggest problem with it?

i rlly havent actually! i think it's bc im really trying to Pretend I Do Not See It. rn i'm fighting TOOTH AND NAIL against the temptation to hatewatch because i do not need that in my life lmao.

the thing i cannot get over with is how Cheap it looks, it rlly smells of poor rushed workers to me, despite the astronomical budget that went into it. 15 MIL!!??? same as the late seasons of game of thrones!! now i'm not saying GoT is a pinnacle of virtue but it featured: a really good burn scar make up that took up half a character's face, a really good Notorious white hair wig with intricate hairstyles, really good costumes and heavy winter furs, really good location and fantasy beasts cgi and ummmmmmm from what i've seen of natla well. it had nothing of the sort. it's just bad gary it's uglyy

[luimagines]

You don’t have to answer this but what are quirks that would make the boys more smitten like a kitten?

Hmmm.... Like are these quirks for the boys or things that they would find endearing?

I'm going to assume things they would find endearing.

Talking to yourself/thinking out loud.

I'm basing this on the concept of 'likes to listen' and 'has a lot to say'. Link, as a more quiet/silent/non-verbal guy, probably would like someone else to do the talking and fill in the silence. Mostly. I dunno. I just think he'd find it cute.

Stimming

Is that the right word for what I'm thinking about? I think that he'd think it would be cute for Reader to just fidget, flap, chew- just do something that would imply their internal or emotional well-being. I'm losing my words. Someone send the cavalry.

[johnslittlespoon]

ch1 of the leaving!bikeriders au done. fuck

[boyfridged]

in your fic “paint it over” is that how you imagine jason making it out of the explosion at the end of utrh? not exactly the events that follow, but the preferable characterization of bruce digging jay out of the rubble and carrying him to help. and how do you think jason made it out canonically (without the help of bruce) also!!! what are your thoughts on the specifics of jason’s scar and how he’d behave toward it. i liked the part of your fic where jason was temporarily unable to speak due to the trauma his neck received. i think the scar is something that rests on the junction of his shoulder/neck, and that can be hidden with whatever clothes he wears -> no one knows he has it (or how he got it) either. i like to imagine while bruce knows his batarang made contact with jason’s throat it’s never fully registered to him that it scarred until he sees it for himself (and while i believe bruce would turn the moment in head over and over again until it’s engraved in his brain, his delayed realization—to me—is due to his repression of the occurrence)

oh i adore this whole ask. some of it i explained in my notes, but this fanfic is quite dear to me, so i will elaborate.

short answer to whether this is how i imagine jay making it out of the explosion: not exactly?

the premise that i wanted to explore with paint it over is almost the opposite of a fix-it, and definitely not what i believe it should be in canon.

what i wished to explore there is, however, the part of utrh that is perhaps the most shocking to many readers: that bruce leaves jason to die.

in-universe, i think the answer why it happens is surprisingly simple enough: bruce does not come because he is just... not there. my understanding is, that in a way, the events of under the red hood did not happen. there is nothing to follow. that purple mist in the finale of the utrh, that is often read as a force resurrecting jason (not technically wrong, either)- i believe that is the timeline already rewriting itself, making the whole story into something that was not.

and the reason for the above is the infinite crisis. if i'm not wrong, it's also the inifinite crisis miniseries where bruce meets dick right after the explosions in (or of) bludhaven-- that in batman clearly happens in the background of his confrontation with jay. however, in infinite crisis (#4, just checked it now), bruce tells dick: "i wanted to make sure...you're alright... i was in new york when it hit. got here as soon as i could." which could be a lie or a matter of the editorial not being synced enough- but i'm willing to give them a benefit of the doubt given how it ties with that sudden, stunted ending of utrh.

this makes sense for canon for several reasons. in the animated movie, since it spares us the infinite crisis tie-in, bruce says of the whole incident: this changes nothing. it changes nothing because although aditf isn't, utrh is a tragedy; it changes nothing because since his death, jason is necessarily always pushed at the peripheries of the narrative, no matter how much the fate itself tries to fix it, becoming a tragic footnote. the dead have one right and it's the right to remain silent. and that is ironically ensured on a cosmic level, with his violent attempt at being seen hidden in the folds of the timeline. you can also see it clearly in canon -- i believe it was not until the infinite frontier that the events of utrh got just tangentially mentioned (before that, even lobdell barely touched upon it). other than that, they have no consequences; they are barely ever spoken of; they seem to slip out even from jay's solo comics.

this move was necessary for batman, as a character and as a title: let's say bruce does hold red hood as he does in the alt cover of annual 25 (and the cover of the deluxe edition of utrh.) that would implore a reckoning with his failure and his (suddenly non-productive) grief that would either reconstruct the whole myth or lead to some terrifying implications. these terrifying implications are, essentially, what paint it over is about. it's about the worst happening and about there being no way back from it. and jason, in receiving what he wanted (his father's love and care) wants to deny that reality. they both want to. yet even jay cannot ignore it completely -- and i chose to use the batarang injury to emphasize it.

and about the scar: i mentioned it briefly before, but in the au jason aggravates the wounds on purpose, hence it will scar worse and cause long-term issues for his voice. it's a theme i also keep in some of my other stories (to come...) and i very much think this is what would happen in canon if he had to take care of that injury. yet as it healed, i believe he'd take to hiding it, mostly. still, as it stands, my primary take might be that in canon (if it was to follow the interference into the timeline from the crisis at least) jason would simply end up with no scar at all, and only memories for evidence of what happened, which is perhaps worse for him too (but of course better for bruce. and as it happens, this is bruce wayne's story and everyone else is just living in it- or dies in it- for better or worse. and if we're ignoring that metaphysical timeline bullshit, as you said, i believe bruce would repress it all anyway.)

[agerefandom]

Regressor!Vees Headcanons

for anon

none of them have anything resembling an attention span

when all three are regressing, they hang out with different screens, watching different media with the volume turned up so it's a cacophany

Velvette watches slime videos and agere tiktoks

Vox watches cartoons, especially newer ones with uncanny 3D animation

Valentino watches music videos on VoxTube to enjoy the colours, or baby sensory videos with his nose pressed against the screen

they share a universal 'regression time' uniform of an oversized t-shirt and boxers (often stolen from one of the others): choosing their own clothes would be too much admitting their own personal relationship to regression

they often use regression to balance current business dynamics between the three: whoever has the most current success will often regress more often to give the others ""power"" as caregivers to feel more equal

also works because the success comes with an extra workload and they honestly need the break

none of them would ever choose an age range, that would be 'too much' (and also what if they were younger than the others)

they regress in a lot of different patterns but usually one person regresses and the other two act as caregivers, or all three regress at the same time

all three of them are very demanding if they have caregivers, so the 2:1 ratio lets one caregiver get things ready while the other person runs distraction with the kiddo

Velvette likes to make her cgs dress up and play imaginary games, but she never changes out of her own regression outfit because that would break the rules

Vox is the most clingy of the three and wants to be curled up on a couch with someone or actively showing off to get compliments for his "work" (artwork, block tower, etc.)

Valentino is the baby to watch out for, he'll trip his caregivers or "accidentally" mess up their food if he's not getting enough attention: luckily, he's easily tuckered out by a visit from the tickle monster or distracted by an iPad

competitive games are banned from baby time because all three are sore losers

pacifiers are only used if someone is biting caregivers, so they're treated like a punishment, but if one of them is biting someone it's because they want a pacifier, so the 'punishment' lens is entirely a game they're all playing because 'wanting a pacifier' would be weird so they can't directly admit it

[cheeseburger443]

hi cheese, how are you doing. I saw the post of your before the hunch back of Notre dame movie preheadcannon and I was wondering what is the funnest thing frollo has ever done in the preheadcannon you created :D. I really enjoy this headcannon you created by how frollo acts like a over dramatic drama kid lol. Hope you have a good day :D

He set his school on fire and got away with it. 🧍🏻

(He accidentally dropped the candles on the the floor while falling asleep in the library and voilà 👁️👄👁️)

"My favorite book is still in there......... Anyway 🚶🏻🚪"

[iniziare]

Inbox call! This might be a one liner from your memes list, it may be an altered version of a sentence starter, or it may be something entirely personalized, but here we go. My stubbornness has been kicking my creativity in the butt since early this evening, and I can happily report that I'm making progress in my drafts for the first time in ages. But, since I want to hoard for at least a tiny little bit, I figured it might be a good idea in the meantime to send people things that I could, maybe, if you answer them (and with your permission), turn into threads once I've gotten through my drafts.

Reminder of the available lineup in no particular order: Guizhong, Yelan, Arlecchino, Clorinde, Kafka, Seele, Dorian Pavus, Solas.

[defilerwyrm]

Ok. So. NSFW werewolf ask. Would a transmasc werewolf on T develop a knot as his clit/dick grows? Is the anatomical analog (analogue? I can never remember which spelling is right) present? I need to know this because that's what fanfic writers do: we need to get the porn correct.

DAMN RIGHT HE WOULD.

Like okay sure to my knowledge, female canids don't actually have analogous tissue to the bulbis glandis, but since it's pretty standard for testosterone HRT to masculinize the genitals and it's perfectly possible in humans for it to trigger the generation of tissue that isn't pre-existing (such as prostate tissue), so why wouldn't it do the same for werewolves?

Hell, if you wanted it to, it could go all the way to a normative dick. If this trans guy can grow claws, fangs, a tail, and full pelt of fur, what's stopping him from growing balls too? With exactly zero respect to the fuckwits who wrote explicit transphobia into that one edition of Werewolf: The Apocalypse (4e I think? who fucking cares, it deserves to die in obscurity), werewolves are magical/supernatural creatures and you can do what you please with them, including their genitals. There is absolutely no authority telling you that werewolves can't straight up change sex in full or in part when they wolf out if you want them to.

Trans erotica made by trans people serves two purposes: to be gender-affirming and to be hot. Besides, if your porno werewolf doesn't have a knot what's even the got damb point

[fragmentedblade]

The "Dan Heng is Dan Feng" dogmatics annoy me a lot. It entirely brushes off one of the most interesting and prevalent questions posed by the game, incarnated by several characters and stories that give the question different hues with different potential answers, and a constant also in HI3, like a thread waving the two games together

[tj-crochets]

Hey y'all! Another work tip for you: If you are on the phone with the person who is your point of contact at a business and you want to swear about them after the call, make sure you hang up BEFORE you start swearing. Like. Double check you actually hung up This work tip brought to you by the contractor who thought he'd hung up but didn't and the incredibly awkward silence after he started swearing when I said "Are you aware you haven't hung up yet?"

[amethystina]

Hi, I hope you're doing better! I was wondering what your take would be on Yohan's reaction to Ga On if he slipped into a coma after a serious attack or something. Because obviously there would be some abyss shenanigans, but do you think he'd be split into wanting to hover and protect Ga On while he's asleep or just getting revenge? Which do you think he'd prioritise and what do you think he'd be thinking?

I also just wanted to let you know that I find your work amazing, especially Who Holds the Devil and The Gentle Light. You mention how you're worried about letting us down with it, but I think you forget how much you've already given. It's not that we're expecting something and that you could disappoint us, but it is what you do that makes us love it more. The way you think and write are incredible, as is your perspective on the characters and their interactions. Thank you so much for all your hard work and effort!

Oooooh! That's a really interesting question! I think my answer, at least when it comes to the finer nuances, would depend on a) when this happens (i.e. during or post canon), b) if they know who might be behind it (because during canon it would be easy to assume it's Jung Sun Ah or the like) and c) what their relationship is at the time (i.e. are they still just coworkers or are they in a romantic relationship).

But, in broad strokes, I think Yo Han would prioritise getting revenge. Not because he doesn't feel a need to hover — he definitely would — but because he's a pragmatic, efficient, and goal-oriented person down to his core. Meaning that as soon as it's established that Ga On is in a coma and that there's nothing Yo Han can do to help him, Yo Han will admit that his time is best spent elsewhere.

After making sure that Ga On has the best care money can buy and bodyguards to protect him, of course.

The thing about Yo Han is that he can look past his own emotions and focus on what needs to be done in a way — and on a level — that few are capable of. Which at times makes him look rather unsympathetic, sure, but is honestly one of the ways he shows concern. Like, to him, just sitting there waiting for Ga On to wake up would probably feel like an insult to Ga On and Yo Han's devotion to him. Yo Han's instincts would tell him to DO something about it instead but, since he's not a doctor, his presence in Ga On's hospital room makes no difference whatsoever. Which means he'd decide it's better for him to focus on trying to catch and punish those who hurt Ga On.

That's not to say that he also won't spend as much time as possible hovering — especially if they're in a romantic relationship. This also depends a little on where Elijah is, but I wouldn't put it past Yo Han to — after a long day of chasing the culprit — make a habit of sleeping in Ga On's hospital room instead of going back to the house. Because Yo Han HAS to sleep eventually and so he might as well do it where he has Ga On close by.

What little time he doesn't spend chasing leads and making plans, he'd spend with Ga On.

And yes, this definitely means Yo Han wouldn't really be taking all that good care of himself, neither physically nor mentally. Like, if this is post-canon and he and Ga On are in some kind of relationship? Just IMAGINE how lost Yo Han would feel. It's clear, even in the drama, that Ga On's presence reminds Yo Han to be kinder and gentler, not just to those around him but also himself. Ga On often mentions how much Yo Han grounds him in Who Holds the Devil, but he doesn't seem to realise that it's the same for Yo Han. The only difference is the way they need to be grounded and what behaviour that grounding is preventing.

And a post-canon, lovestruck Yo Han who suddenly finds himself without Ga On's gentleness and kindness to soothe and calm him?

Yeah, that won't go well.

Not in a way that Yo Han would necessarily care about, though. Or, maybe more accurately, he'd decide it's worth the sacrifice to find whoever hurt Ga On. Even if he, deep down, would know that, no, Ga On would NOT agree with that. Ga On wouldn't want him to put himself or his humanity at risk. But that's not the same as actually having Ga On there to tell him to stop.

Like, to be honest with you, I think Yo Han might even end up being extra reckless and violent because some part of him hopes that means Ga On will come back to him sooner. As if he can force Ga On to wake up simply by doing the thing he knows Ga On hates. Maybe he's even punishing Ga On a little?

"Look at what you made me do, Ga On-ah, when you're not here to stop me."

"If you don't wake up soon, I'll do something even worse."

"This is what happens when you leave me."

Which isn't reasonable (or healthy) by any means — especially for such a calm and collected person as Yo Han — but he's also a frightened, abused child who never got to develop his emotions and social skills in a good way.

He's never been in love before.

He'd be so scared.

And desperation makes us unreasonable, especially when we're afraid we might lose someone we love. He'd grasp for whatever stability he can, especially since his usual anchor isn't there anymore. He'd look fine on the outside but, on the inside, he'd be a mess. There would be fear and pain and anger and helplessness and sorrow and hope and longing. And he wouldn't really know how to deal with all of that since, at that point, he's probably gotten used to processing most of his feelings with Ga On's — knowing and unknowing — help.

Yo Han, like many children with his history, is very adept at regulating his own emotions, mainly because he had to as a survival tactic. He probably learned from a young age which ones he was allowed to show and all the other ones were suppressed until he was out of his father's reach. He's also good at reading a room since that, too, is necessary for survival in a violent household. Granted that Yo Han now mostly uses those skills to manipulate and intimidate people, but he is well aware of emotions, how to curb them, how to influence them, and how to use them to his advantage.

What he doesn't know is how to process them in a normal and healthy way. But, in the drama, we see him begin to test the waters when it comes to using Ga On as a sounding board. He says things, sees how Ga On reacts, and gets clues on how a more well-adjusted person would process that information. And I think that's something Yo Han would continue doing, bouncing his emotions off of Ga On to see what's actually a reasonable reaction.

But, more importantly, to get validation. To see, with his own eyes, that his fear, hurt, anger, pain etc. is valid. Ga On feels it too, just from hearing of Yo Han's trauma so, clearly, it mustn't be wrong for Yo Han to feel that, too. It doesn't make him weak. He's allowed to feel that way.

I think that Ga On would become Yo Han's emotional lodestar. Which I wouldn't call healthy, exactly, but what about their relationship is? x'D

ANYWAY. The delicious consequence of this is, of course, that Yo Han is left directionless and adrift, with no way to properly handle all the very intense emotions he's feeling. And that probably means that when Ga On finally wakes up again (be it weeks or months later) Yo Han will be in such a state that the moment Ga On hugs him, he'll break.

Or, well, as close to breaking as you can get when you're Kang Yo Han.

All the emotions will come rushing to the surface since his brain just recognised that the person who usually helps him deal with all of that is back and so now it's safe to let it out, right?

Yo Han vehemently disagrees, I'm sure, because he's got a reputation to uphold! And he can't just suddenly break down in his sugar baby's arms! Especially since said sugar baby just woke from a coma and is still weak! This is so inconvenient!

Unfortunately, he doesn't have much of a choice.

Sucks to be you, Yo Han.

But at least he has Ga On there to hold him, kiss him, and make it better?

SO YEAH. Something like that, I guess? I think Yo Han would be HELLA worried but is also too goal-oriented not to choose to focus on revenge. He'd probably become incredibly restless if he didn't.

Thank you so much for your kind words 💜 To be honest with you, I often forget what I've already written. Not literally (I remember it with surprising accuracy a lot of the time) but it's sometimes difficult to remember that I've already written 400k when I always have to focus on posting the next chapter and then the next chapter and then the next chapter. I rarely get the time to sit down and just revel in what I've already written? Especially since I want the story to continue just as much as the rest of you.

And while the majority of the comments are absolutely lovely, I do sometimes get ones demanding new chapters or ones questioning the choices I make in the story (especially the length). They're definitely in a minority so far, but that doesn't stop the fear that, sooner or later, they'll become the majority.

And, more than anything, I fear the moment when I'll write a bad chapter. I don't even know what would constitute a bad chapter or what I would have to do for it to become one, but I'm still afraid of it.

Which probably isn't reasonable, but since when are our anxiety brains reasonable?

So I try my best not to think about it, and receiving such kind messages as yours definitely helps. Thank you 💜 I'm so very glad to hear that you like my works, especially my takes on the characters since that is (perhaps not so surprisingly) something I put a lot of effort into and take a lot of pride in, too. I LOVE these characters and want to do them justice by writing them as best I can, even if that means the fic ends up being the behemoth it now is because they cannot move faster than a glacier x'D

So yeah. Thank you so, so much. Both for the fun question and the encouragement. It means a lot to me :)