#when nolan couldn’t say his last name

[dogwittaablog]

I was awaiting for Nolan’s bestfriend to make a post.

[sarahsmi13s]

Just a Little Guidance

whumptober day 6: forced to hurt someone

pairing: tim bradford x reader (oc last name: blake)

characters: tim bradford, y/n blake, zoe andersen, jackson west, john nolan, lucy chen, thane riggs (oc villain)

warnings: 18+ MDNI, language, blood, fighting, stabbing, mentions of SA, being held captive, forced to hurt someone, forced to hurt partner, crying, quitting, if i missed anything please please please let me know

word count: ~1.8k

a/n: this is for whumptober! please please please proceed with caution and use discretion, protect your peace

also if you are on the whump taglist but are not familiar with a character, you can skip it will not hurt my feelings!

also also, i do want to apologize for getting this up late got distracted while writing it so i finished it later than i had hoped

whumptober 2023 masterlist

summary:

You stood in front of Captain Andersen’s desk, hands shaking as you listened to her tell you about everything that would need to happen before you could return to duty. 

Tonguing your split lip, you shook your head. Tears gathered in your eyes as you looked at your trembling, still blood stained, hands as your shield and gun rested in them

How could they let you back to work after everything that happened? Tim was still in the hospital, you got to leave after just a few days. But what you saw, what you and Tim experienced over those two weeks… you couldn’t trust yourself.

“I-I’m sorry Captain… but I can’t,” you said softly, your bruised and busted hands curling around the items in your them.

She tilted her head, “I’m not sure I understand.” 

You sat your shield and gun on her desk, “I’m not coming back… I’m sorry… but I quit.”

Zoe nodded, giving you a sympathetic look as you avoided her eyes. “Is there anything I can do to change your mind?” You shook your head before she was even finished. “No, I’m sorry Captain… but I can’t. I’m quitting, I’ve made up my mind. I’m sorry.”

Without giving her a chance to reply, you turned on your heel and left.

You sat curled up in the hospital chair, just staring at Tim’s unconscious form laying there in the bed.

There were words stuck in your throat. It was like they were coming up sideways, choking you before coming up in broken fragments on your tongue.

What the hell could you say? Tim was laying in a hospital bed because of you. You had put him there. An apology just wouldn’t make that go away. Make what you did go away.

You sat in the uncomfortable chair, picking scabs and prodding at bruises as your mind replayed everything. Never giving you a chance to rest or forget what you did.

“I’m sorry, Tim… I’m so so sorry,” you sobbed, looking down at your blood covered hands. 

“It’s okay, baby,” Tim winced at the way your hands tried to patch him up from the wounds you had put there that day. “You’re doing this to protect yourself and for us to survive. I’m not mad.” 

You shook your head, “I should be stronger than this…” 

“Thane is a fucking psycho, do not put this blame on yourself,” he grunted as he sat up. “Hey, look at me.” You sniffled and looked up, “I’m hurting you, Tim. I shouldn’t hurt you, under any circumstance… even this. I should have let him–”“Don’t say that, don’t you dare say that.” 

“You were ready to take a bullet for me!”

“Because you don’t deserve to die!”“And you do?!”

You panted a little, “I shouldn’t be hurting you… I don’t want to hurt you.” He grabbed your hand, not caring about his own blood slicking up his hand. “I know that, and I can handle it. They’re coming, I know they are. I can hold out until then.” 

“But what if I can’t?”

After that conversation it was eerie silence as you both tried to sleep.

It was hard for you to fall asleep. The copper scent of Tim’s blood on your hands made you sick to your stomach . The substance was sticky and drying to your skin. Thane wasn’t allowing you to wash your hands, letting Tim’s blood dry on your hands in layers.

And when you woke up the next day it was your turn.

You were simply a punching bag. Though Thane would call it a ‘boxing match’. If you won, the next day you wouldn’t have to hurt Tim and you both got a decent meal with fresh water.

But you couldn’t win. 

You had gotten close the first few times. But Thane was an ex-Navy SEAL so he could take you down like it was nothing. And as time went on, you got weak. You didn’t have the energy to put up a decent fight and even give yourself hope. The only reason you still attempted was to keep Tim safe.

That night you sat on the floor with your head down and an arm clutching your side as your ribs ached. 

“I’m sorry,” you said quietly. Tim grunted as he turned to look at you, “Why are you sorry?” You sniffled, “I can’t win…” “You’re not supposed to win. He just likes to give you hope…” 

“I can’t keep doing this Timmy… hurting you, I can’t…” 

“If you don’t-”

“Yeah, I know. But I’m not going to kill you… I couldn’t live with myself if I did.” 

You didn’t give him a chance to respond and just got in your bed and tried to sleep.

The next morning, Thane woke you up with gentle caresses on your face.

“Time to wake up,” he said gently, pulling you up and to your feet. “C’mon we have a big day ahead of us.” 

You whimpered as he pulled you over to a table, gun pressed to your lower back. “Pick your first weapon.”

You shake your head, tears spilling over, “No.” 

Thane growled and pulled harshly on your hair, making you look up at him. “You pick or I do, I won’t tell you again.” The gun digs into your back, “And you won’t like what I pick.”

You gritted your teeth as he pulled your hair harder, “I’m done playing your game. Shoot me.”

“Y/N, it’s okay…” Tim said, but his words were breathy. “I-I can take it.” 

“You hear that? He can take it,” Thane smirked before kissing your forehead. “Pick up the knife.”

“I said, no.”

He growled before slamming your face down on the table.

Tim looked away, jaw clenched as you cried out a little. You don’t blame him, you’d look away too. 

This position hadn’t been unfamiliar. 

Often after those boxing matches, Thane would use your weak state to release other frustrations. 

So you just closed your eyes and braced yourself.

“Oh look at you,” he cooed, his hand rubbing your back. “Mmmm you’ve learned. But right now isn’t about us. It’s about you and Tim. So pick up the knife or I will fuck you as you look your boyfriend in the eyes. Pick. It. Up.”

“Pick up the knife, Y/N…”

“Okay! Okay…”

Thane smirked and pulled you back up to stand. “Good girl.”

Your hand shook as you wrapped your fingers around the blade’s handle. The thought of turning and plunging it into your capture’s stomach flashed in your mind but you knew better. You weren’t fast enough and his trigger finger was quick.

Eyes filling with tears, Thane guided you forward.

“Stab him.”

Your eyes widened and you turned your head to face him. “W-what?”

“You heard me, stab him.”

“That wasn’t-”

“Do it or I'll shoot him in the head.”

You closed your eyes, sobbing as your hands shook violently. “It’s okay Y/N. It’s gonna be okay,” Tim reassured, kissing the top of your head.

But you didn’t believe him.

When it was just cuts or burns, it was easier to believe that he would be okay. But you could see that he was weak. He was shaking from blood loss and he could barely keep his eyes open. His voice was tired and breathy so he desperately tried to put authority in it.

But it wasn’t working.

You shook your head, crying openly as you brought up the knife.

He gritted his teeth and braced himself as you found a spot on his torso and pushed the tip of the blade in.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” you whispered tearfully, pulling the knife back out. 

You watch horrified as blood leaks out of the new wound and down his side. You had hurt him, again. It made you feel sick.

Suddenly, Thane’s right in your ear, his eyes on the bare half inch of blood on the blade.

“Oh, come on now. Don’t waste my time,” he growled. He wrapped his arms around you and put his hands on top of yours. 

“No, no please,” you begged through your tears, trying to fight him.

But your resistance was used in Thane’s favor as he used your combined force to plunge the knife into Tim’s stomach.

You gasped, feeling the sickening warm feeling of fresh blood coating your hands.

Tim couldn't hold back his shout of agony, gritting his teeth as tears came to his eyes. 

Thane leaned in, laughing in your ear as you sobbed, “Look at that, seems like all you needed was just a little guidance.” 

You covered your mouth, smearing blood on your face as your eyes stayed unmoving from the knife handle. You could have collapsed to the floor in a sobbing heap if Thane hadn’t had arms around you.

“Ooooh not so fast there Y/N. One’s not going to cut it, sweetheart. Take it out and do it again.”

When you hesitated, Thane took your hands and wrapped them around the handle, “Take it-”

“LAPD DROP YOUR WEAPON AND PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR.”

You sobbed in relief as Thane turned to who you recognized to be John Nolan, Bishop’s rookie.

“Put your weapon down and kick it over to me.” 

Thane followed his instructions, smart enough to know that he was cornered. 

You held Tim’s face, “It’s gonna be okay baby. They’re here, just like you said they would be.”

Tim had been unconscious when you said that, finally succumbing to the pain.

“Officer Blake?”

You jumped at the call of your name, being pulled from your memories as you looked up to see the three rookies. Jackson was the one to address you.

“You don’t have to call me that anymore Officer West…”

He nodded and swallowed, “Right we’re out of uni-”

“No, I quit… I’m not an officer anymore.”

The rookies’ eyes widened and they shared a look when your eyes moved to Tim.

“But you’re great at your-” 

You cut John off, bitterness in your tone, “If I was good at my job he wouldn’t be in this bed…”

You took a breath, finally letting yourself touch him and grabbing Tim’s hand. “I should have been stronger…”

“Thane’s a psychopath, who knows what situation we would be in had you held out longer,” Lucy tried, watching your glass eyes as they looked over Tim. “That doesn’t make you a bad cop…”

“I don’t trust myself… and being a good team requires trust. I can’t go back out onto the street if I do not trust myself, that’s how people get hurt.”

You shook your head, letting it fall between your shoulders. “It took just a little guidance and I plunged a knife into the man I love…”

taglist: @bradleybeachbabe @mayhemmanaged @kmc1989 @lovinglyeternal @horseshoegirl @cassiemitchell @fanboyswhore9 @nightowlalltheway @86laura11 @els-marvelvsp @valmare @startrekfangirl2233

hi, if you're seeing this and are currently not on the taglist and would like to be please fill out the taglist form -> whumptober taglist

i can not stress this enough, but whumptober can have some very serious and heavy topics and i want to make sure i am doing my part as an author to prepare my readers for what they are about to experience and that includes not only warnings above but my taglists as well

so if you want to be added check out the masterlist and read that carefully and fill out the form -> whumptober 2023

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Weekend all :) First off sorry I forgot to thank everyone last ep. My Chris rage was immense so it knocked me off kilter haha So thank you all for reading ❤️ We’ve hit another fav on my list. The dance alone makes this episode amazing. It’s also the things leading up to it that are also great. This definitely has the why aren’t you together moment? Excited to cover their iconic dance. Let’s get going.

4x18 Backstabbers

We begin with Tim telling Lucy they're not riding together. That she's with Nolan and he's with Aaron today. I love Lucy’s little nose scrunch. Clearly not happy she has to ride with someone else for her shift. Riding with Nolan wasn’t on her list of things she wanted to do today and it shows. I can't get over her dislike of being separated from him for the day. I do love her sassy reply though. Can’t let him know not riding with him bums her out.

Also we all know he would rather be riding with her as well. But you know neither of them can admit as such. Because god forbid we do that eh? So they bury their feelings in their banter per usual. Definitely got that old married couple energy going on here. The sassy eyebrow pump she does is so cute. Tim is gonna miss her we all know it haha We also get that Tall/Smol shot I love so much as well. Always happy to get one of those.

They pass Webb on their way to the kit room. He tells Tim what a good job he did on the Stewart case. Lucy is smiling then putting things together. Saying isn’t she the one who solved it? The one who made the connection? Also that she got punched in the face while arresting him...

Tim cutely says ‘You’re jealous.’ Clearly amused by this reaction of her's. Then goes on a classic Tim rant. Asking if that’s why she does this job? For high fives from Webb? We all know that’s not what she’s asking for here Timothy. Lucy tells him it would be nice to have some recognition. It is part of the reason she took being his side. Amongst other reasons….

He then does what he thinks she wants and it backfires. Pretty badly. This isn’t what she meant by recognition. I do love him winking at her while he’s explaining it to Webb. Saying how he couldn’t have solved it without her. All it does it make Tim look even better. Because Webb just continues to praise Tim. He can't possibly think that's what she wanted LOL Now it looks like he is being selfless and sharing credit.

Lucy’s reaction is hilarious when he asks her if she feels better? Cleary not Timothy... She is still pissed because this is after the fact. She wanted the recognition when the case happened. Not after when Tim’s name was already the arresting officer. It's not the same thing. Oh my love you aren’t getting what’s she’s throwing down right now ha Her body language and facial expression expressing her discontent with him.

Aaron joins them and makes the worst decision he could. Kissing Tim’s ass. Idk why he would think this was a good idea. Especially after riding with the female version of Tim LOL Tim is straight forward with Aaron. Tells him to not kiss ass and set up the shop. He turns to Lucy looking for advice. Wisdom of any kind. She is the Tim dictionary after all. No one better to go to about this man.

Unfortunately she is too caught up in own thing to dispense anything helpful. Just goes off on a rant about credit. How he shouldn't let Tim just steal it from him. Poor Aaron is like 'uhhh but I’m a rookie…so that is not helpful at all' ha I love her pout and restlessness as the scene ends. Lucy is so salty and needs to vent. Aaron is not your guy for that sadly.

We catch up to Lucy full on ranting to Nolan about Tim. Telling him it’s not even about the recognition. I mean…it kinda is ha She continues on saying how every single case file has Tim’s name on it. How she’s the one filing all the reports for it. She asks Nolan how she’s supposed to take on more responsibility if no one knows what she’s capable of? Nolan being the dope he is tries to get factual on her. *sigh* John this is why you are just friends LOL You clueless dope.

Asking her 'Wasn’t riding with Tim her idea?' Lucy says yes cause he takes on all the high profile cases. Which is huge for her. Nolan adds in that she is seeing a down side to that now? She nods and he continues to put his foot in his mouth cause Nolan. Saying she should just get reassigned then. Tim would understand. (I don’t know he would...) Also that's not what she wants at all. She was upset they weren't riding for one day together. So there's no way she's walking away from being his aide.

Nolan is being such a man right now. Trying to solve her problems when she just wants to vent. To hear ‘yeah that sucks .’ Or ‘Tim should give you credit’ I love her calling him out on it. Like listen John you are here to listen not problem solve haha Luckily he does as such and repeats back that Tim is the "worst" (I mean he’s not she just stupid frustrated with her work hubby ha). Lucy’s cute little smile after he does is adorable. Like good boy Nolan. ha

We flit back to Tim and Aaron. He tells Tim he’s ready for any test he wants to throw his way. Tim says that’s why he’s not going to. That Harper is a great T.O. (Look how far we’ve come since s2. My heart.) He’s been on the job long enough he doesn't need them. He lets Aaron know today isn’t about if he will make it. It’s about what kind of officer he will become when he does.

Aaron asks Tim how they’re gonna find that out? Tim says by figuring out his superpower. He starts to list everyone’s. He’s spot on for Harper and of course for his girl. I mean her empathy is one of her biggest strengths. She is very good at adapting to any situation. I mean her biggest adaption was Tim at first. Hehe It is her superpower no doubt.

He then says Nolan talks a lot LMAO Aaron isn’t disagreeing….I love Tim’s answer to his follow up question. That if he doesn’t have one he’ll be Smitty Haha Aaron looking nervous and feeling like this is still a Tim test somehow…I mean it is. Just a character based one. Which is pretty damn important to Tim Bradford. So...you should be nervous. lol

This next portion for Tim and Aaron is hilarious. They’re called to a guy magnet fishing. He tells them he found something strange. It’s a sword. Aaron mentions a murder that involved decapitation recently. Tim tells the man they’ll need to take it. He looks bummed but says at least he can get money on something else.

Aaron panics and levels Tim. Knocks him to the ground immediately. Poor Tim and his back issues. I have those now it hurts to watch him tackle him to the ground like that. Tim makes a crack saying 'Clearly being able to identify fake grenades is not his super power.' LOL Aaron makes a face and we see Tim’s back covered in goose crap hahaha Oh Aaron is bombing left and right.

They're back in the shop and Tim is eating his potential super powers for breakfast. Kudos to Aaron for suggesting more and more though. Except Tim is destroying every single of one of them…It’s so funny to watch. I mean it’s not funny for poor Aaron LOL Just more proof no challenges him like Lucy. Truly no one can match what she brings to their dynamic. You know Tim feels it when she’s absent. So he is just mowing down Aaron in the process haha poor guy. I do love Aaron though. He’s such a goober and it shows through out the rest of this season and into the next. He was a great addition to the cast.

Tim and Aaron respond to domestic call. This man just got paroled and wants to see his son. His ex is fighting him saying he can't be anywhere near them. Tim takes the man's ID to run him and Aaron asks to talk to the man. He does a good job calming him down with his own experience. Tells him I’m sure he’s dreamt of this moment for years.

He’s also sure this wasn’t how he expected it to go down. That he needs to remember it’s been years for them. They've been living their lives while he was gone. So they might not be ready but someday they might. Gives him his card and the number for James if he needs it. They can help him get back on his feet when he's ready for it. Tim walks up and tells him good job. Finally got one right. Yay Aaron.

Tim walks up to Aaron at the wedding reception to discuss his super power. Wanting to make sure he knows what it is. He's been searching for their entire time together. Tim tells him that it’s experience with being incarcerated. Clearly he has a connection to those that have been in prison. That empathy and compassion is what he can build his career on. Gah I love when he’s in teaching mode. Fine af. *fans self* Teach away sexy. This scene ends with funny bit about the park moment haha I enjoyed them together a lot.

This next moment is an all time fav of mine. Tim surprising Lucy not once but twice with his actions. First off by bringing up that dance he 'owes' her from 3x14. You know Tim kinda made the first move with her more than once before they were together. 3x14 being one and this being another. He’s the one to bring the dance back up. A dance I’m sure she never expected him to bring back up. We all know he wanted to dance with her and this was his sly way of doing that. So he uses the guise of saying it's still owed to her.

Tim ‘I don’t do weddings’ Bradford wants to dance with his girl. This is his way of getting that but still being himself about it. Acting like he has to do this. When I’m sure that dance has been on his mind on and off since that moment happened. We see right through you Timothy but it's ok hehe The absolute sass from Lucy is on par for her. Always toe to toe with him. She too is excited he’s cashing this in. You can tell she is happy he remembered this dance. A debt was owed hehe Tim making a face but you know he loves it. She is his equal in so many ways but especially for banter. Tells him like it is and he keeps coming back for more.

Ahhh these two idiots in love. Looks at this man when she takes his hand. That is his full blown Lucy smile. That 'I’m a goner for this woman and would do anything for her.' smile. She is the only one who brings that out in him. He’s so love with her at this point you’d have to be blind not to see it. He lights up when she takes his hand and makes a classic Lucy expression at him. You could power a city with that smile of his. The way they walk onto the dance floor you'd think they were each others date to this party.

Harper’s daughter earlier said she liked her mom with James. Noting that ‘You’re happy when you’re around him.’ These two are never happier than when they are around each other. Their true self’s come out and they are radiating joy. Look at those two above. They are carefree and light as a feather in this moment. Projecting heart eyes as far as the eye can see. You’re never gonna see them be this way with their current SO’s. They don’t bring out the best in them. Anyone around them can see they’re gone for one another. Except them….

Tim is heart eyes galore for his girl from the minute they hit the dance floor. Lucy is flying pretty high herself. Look at the way she is looking at him in that first gif. Transparent as ever at hiding her feelings for him. Tim starts off with the thing he knows is bugging her. He didn’t spend the day with her but he knows her. Knows it ate at her all day long. He also knows it's something he needs to rectify.

Lucy has simmered down at this point about it. It’s evident in her reply to him. Tim forges forward anyways. I do want to note the eye contact between these two. It never breaks as they speak to each other. It's so intimate. I love him gesticulating his fingers around her hand. Re-wrapping them around hers as he explains himself. It's a cute fidgety thing he does while trying to get what he needs to say out. It's the little things I love so much .

He starts out STRONG complimenting her. Not only complimenting her but saying she is in the top 5 he’s ever trained.(Psst. She was the best one.) No better praise she could receive in this moment than that. Lucy being Lucy has to make a joke. She craves his praise but also can’t handle it at the same time. I feel that girl I’m the same way. Tim is looking down at her with massive heart eyes might I add. Saying he wants her to have a successful career.

He wants to support her career the way she’s always supported his. No hesitation and putting her first. Look at the way she is beaming up at him when he says this. The way she's searching his face as he speaks. Gah how do these two not know they’re in love? Honestly. She looks so enamored with him as he’s talking. Their smiles and heart eyes are so loud. They’re screaming how they feel to the entire party.

Tim shocks her even further with his next set of comments. Lucy is already on cloud 9 as is. He’s asked her to dance, he’s complimented her in the best way and said he wants her career to be successful. She is in serious shock when he tells her he’s listing her on all future reports as the arresting officer. Lucy is in awe of this man right now. Not only for doing this but for how he’s grown. As a person and as a sergeant.

For him to step aside like this and give her the glory. To put her career ahead of his so she can succeed. The way she says ‘But you’re senior officer.’ Reminds me of her in 5x12 being in the same amount of disbelief replying ‘But that’s a desk job….’ Lucy can’t believe what he’s giving her and putting aside. He finishes it off with his version of I love you at this point. Saying she deserves to be recognized. What he's also saying is she deserves to be recognized by him. He's so damn soft in the delivery of his words. His body language also as relaxed as we've ever seen it.

The way he looks at her while he says this. Be still my heart. Screaming his feelings in this moment without realizing. Showing Lucy he hears her and has done something about it. That he cares, wants her to be a success, and that he’s putting her first just like she always has done for him. Lucy is sassy in her retort because she can be. (Ain’t no one else talking to this man the way she does) She is looking up at him with the same amount of affection he's shooting her way. Telling him 'You’re right I do. Thank you.' haha Look at her. She’s saying I love you right back in this moment. *sigh* These two.

Everything about this moment makes me squee. The non stop romantic looks they’re throwing each others way. The way they’re gazing into each other eyes the entire time. Forgetting everyone else there and the fact that they can see this love fest. Then comes the cutest most carefree part. Look at the smiles on these two! They’re so gone for each other at this point. I imagine this would be similar to how they’ll dance at Nolan’s wedding. With a little more closeness and kisses ha

Seriously though. Have we ever seen Tim this happy and relaxed? Only when he’s with her. It’s oozing out of him in S4. The laughing, the smiles, Lucy complimenting his moves. That glorious smile of his when she does. Be more in love you two. If someone just saw these gifs no context. They’d think they were a couple in love having the time of their lives on the dance floor. It’s hard to believe they were dating other people at this point. I mean look at this scene. They look so damn happy together. Truly just enjoying one another’s company.

Lucy is beaming with happiness when he spins her around. How he leans into her as he spins her around. Her laughter as she leans into him after he does. My heart is gonna implode from the cuteness everyone haha There’s a reason it’s one of my all time fav moments. It’s so sweet Imma get diabetic. Such a good episode I cannot. One of my favs of the season. For this moment alone right here. *sigh* I love them. Moments like this I knew were cementing them for s5. Slow burn at its finest.

~~~~

Side notes- non Chenford

James and Nyla ❤️

Grey, Wes and James making the video while Silas critiques them is hilarious. Makes me laugh everytime cause they’re so bad LOL

Thank you again to everyone. You all are the best for your continued support. The likes, comments and reblogs are everything to me see you all in 4x19 :)

[alisbackalleybbq]

Crush (Requested)

TW:  Mentions of violence against women.

This is not beta’d or edited. This was requested by @imagine-all-the-fandoms​.  I hope you like it and I’m sorry it took me so long.

“ Heeey ! Finally I found a blog writing for Tim 😍 would you do one for me where the reader is an officer as well and crushing on Tim (and vise versa) but both are too stubborn to admit and everyone kinda makes fun of them. Then during a call, she gets kidnapped and hurt and Tim is furious till she is saved and he makes sure to take care of her. Some fluff and kisses when they finally admit their feelings 💝💝 this would be great and TYSM !”

“When are you going to stop staring at her and ask her out already?”  Nyla asked Tim.  He was standing at the back of the briefing room, arms crossed, glaring at Aaron Thorson who had said something to you that made you throw your head back and laugh at.

“I’m not staring,” Tim snapped.  “We’re here to learn about a dangerous op.  Not tell jokes.”

“Mmmm, okay,” Nyla smirked.  

“She just made P2.  I can’t get involved even if I wanted to.”  Tim sighed.

“I never thought I’d see the day that Tim Bradford was scared.”  Angela quipped.

“I’m not scared.”  Tim scoffed.  “I’m being smart.”

“Smart by letting the woman you have a crush on get away?”  Nyla scowled.

“I don’t have a crush on her!  She’s a subordinate.”  Tim scowled back.

“You’re with Metro now.  You’re not her sergeant anymore.  You’re just making excuses.”  Angela rolled her eyes.

Nyla tsked at Tim and shook her head.  “Tim ‘the Coward’ Bradford.” 

“You’re just going to have to man up and ask him out.”  Aaron said to you.

“I’m not a man, Aaron.”  You said sarcastically.

“You know what I mean,” he replied, glaring at you jokingly. 

“Why would I ask him out?”  You questioned.  “He’s Tim Bradford.  He could have any woman on or off the force that he wanted.  He’s not going to want me.”

“Please!  I’ve seen the way he looks at you.  I’ve seen the way you two interact.  Stop being a scaredy cat and just ask him out.”  Aaron urged.

“I’ll pass, Aaron.  If that makes me a scaredy cat, that’s fine.  But I’m not going to risk my ego on being rejected by Bradford.”  You replied.

“Listen up,” Sgt. Grey took the podium.

Tim was out patrolling the area where the suspect in a brutal attack on a female jogger was reported to live.  The briefing that morning had left him angry that somebody in his city had come up behind women jogging in the park and attacked them.  So far there had been five victims.  Tim wanted this creep off the streets yesterday.  It didn’t help that he saw red when Aaron had put his hand on your back.  The ribbing from Nyla and Angela had also played into his anger but it got him thinking about you.  

“Units on the City Wide,” the dispatch voice over the radio cut through his thoughts, “possible officers in distress.  Seven-Adam-15 is not responding to Status Checks.”

Tim’s blood ran cold.  You were in 7-Adam-15 today with Nolan.  “What is their last known location?”  Tim radioed back.

“They checked out at 759 College Avenue on a noise complaint.”  Dispatch answered.

“Copy, I’m enroute.”  He flipped his sirens on and sped toward College Avenue.  

When he arrived, he saw the shop parked out in front of a house with the numbers 759 on it.  Tim flew out of the car when he noticed Nolan laying on the sidewalk.

“Nolan!  Nolan!”  Tim yelled, quickly scanning for injuries.  John Nolan groaned in response.  “Nolan, wake up! What happened?”

“Ugh,” Nolan squinted at Tim and put his hand to his head.  

“I  need an RA to this location for an injured officer.”  Tim radioed in.  “What happened?  Where’s your boot?”  Tim couldn’t bring himself to say your name.  If it was bad news, he thought somehow referring to you as a boot would lessen the blow.

“She knocked on the door.  The guy came out and hit me with a bat.  He grabbed her and dragged her into the house.  I tried to radio before I blacked out but…” John trailed off, the worry, anger, and fear evident on his face.  “It’s the guy from the park.”

“The one attacking the joggers?” Tim clarified.

“Yes.”  John tried to sit up.

“Whoa, just stay down.”  Tim put his hand on John’s chest and pushed him back onto the ground.  

“I have to go get her.”  John groaned.

“Dispatch, I’m going to need immediate backup at this location.  Officer kidnapped.”  Tim unholstered his gun and went toward the front door.

“You should wait for backup!”  John called then winced in pain.

Tim ignored him and went to the front door, pounding his fist against the door as hard as he could.  “LAPD!  Open the door!”  He commanded.  He waited for what felt like a year but it was only a minute before he tried the doorknob.  He rolled his eyes at himself, of course the door was locked.  He ran back to his shop and grabbed a window breaker.  He didn’t want to waste any time banging against the glass that might not break easily.  Tim quickly used the tool to crack the glass in the door window.  He used his radio to break it fully and make room for his hand to slip in.  He didn’t even feel the jagged glass cutting deep into his skin.  He unlocked the door and entered the house, gun at the ready.

“LAPD!”  He shouted.  “Come out now with your hands up!”  There were some crashing sounds from the basement.   He ran down the stairs and was shocked at what he saw.  You were bleeding from various wounds around your head and face, there was an angry red mark on your throat, your uniform was ripped, and there was blood seeping out of a wound in your chest.  

You were straddling the suspect who was sprawled on the floor, still fighting.  “You.  Are.  Under.  Arrest.”  You declared, each word punctuated by your elbow connecting with the suspect’s body somewhere.

“Are you okay?”  Tim asked.

“No!”  You growled out.  “He won’t stop resisting.”  Just as you finished speaking, the suspect hit you in the face with a closed fist.  

“Son of a bitch!”  You cried out.  Before you could register what was happening, you were looking up at the ceiling, having been flipped on your back.  You rolled over to see Tim flinging the suspect onto his stomach.

“You’re under arrest!”  Tim yelled.  “Put your hands behind your back.”  The suspect complied right away and started quietly crying. 

The next five minutes were a blur.  Nyla showed up to haul the suspect up the stairs and outside the house.  He was being checked over by medics.  Tim helped you up the stairs and made sure you were sitting in an ambulance before he went to check on John.

Tim was quickly back by your side.  “How’s Nolan?”  You croaked out, your throat feeling like it was on fire.  You held an ice pack to the side of your face.  The paramedic was checking a deep cut on your chest.

“He’s okay.  They said he most likely has a concussion but they’re going to take him to the hospital for tests.”  Tim replied.  “How’re you?”

You nodded softly.  “I’ll live.” 

“You’re a hell of a fighter.”  The paramedic said.  “You beat that guy up all by yourself?”

“Yeah,” you gave the attractive paramedic a shy smile.  

“That’s badass.”  He replied.

“Anyway,” Tim growled.  

“Tim,” you gasped, grabbing his hand.  His heart fluttered at the contact.  “You’re hurt.”

“What?”  He asked, confused, noticing blood on his arm.  

“You’re cut.”  You said.

“It’s nothing.”  Tim shook his head.  

“Those might need stitches,”  The paramedic commented, looking over Tim’s cuts.

“I’ve had worse.”  Tim tried to shake it off.

“Well it’s a good thing I’m going to the hospital.”  You said.  “You can ride with me.”

“Nah,” Tim waved you off.  “I’m fine.”

“Please,” you grabbed his hand again.  “I hate hospitals.  If you’re there, it’ll make me feel better.”

Tim smiled at you and nodded.  “Okay, fine.”

Tim was annoyed.  It had taken 45 minutes for him to get the cuts on his arm stitched up.  That was 45 minutes that he was away from you.  Forty-five minutes that you were stuck in the hospital, a place you hated, without him there to make you feel better.

He growled all the way from the room he’d been in to the room where you were.  You were lying in a hospital bed, bruised and bandaged up.

“Hey,” he said softly, sitting next to your bed and grabbing your hand.  “How’re you feeling?”

“Like I got hit by a truck.”  You smiled softly.  

“You’re shaking,” Tim pointed out.

You nodded.  “I can’t make it stop.”

“Adrenaline is wearing off.  You had to put up a hell of a fight.”  Tim brushed some hair away from your forehead.  

“I was so scared.”  You told him, tears pooling in your eyes.  “I thought I was going to die.  Then I heard you and I knew I was safe.”

“If it makes you feel better, I was scared too.”  Tim confessed.

You scowled at him.  “You were?”  He nodded but didn’t say anything.  “Why?”

“I didn’t know what I was going to find.  I didn’t know if you were hurt or…” he trailed off.

“Yeah.  That’s one thing about us cops,” you said.  “We’re a family and we never want to see one of us hurt.”

“It’s not just that.”  Tim said, taking a deep breath.  “I…I didn’t want to find you hurt.  I didn’t want anything bad to have happened to you.  All I could think about was that if you were…I wouldn’t be able to tell you that I want to take you out on a date…if you want.”

“You want to date me?”  You were incredulous.  Was this really happening?

“I have for a long time.  I just didn’t have the guts to say anything.  I was afraid you’d reject me.” 

“You were afraid I’d reject you?  Tim Bradford was scared that I’d reject him?”  

“According to Nyla my name is now Tim ‘the Coward’ Bradford.”  He rolled his eyes and smiled.

You giggled.  “I’d love to go out with you, Tim.  I’ve been attracted to you for…well, since the first time I met you.”

“You were attracted to me after I yelled at you for spilling coffee on my uniform?”  He chuckled.

“Yeah.  Right after that, I saw you kneel down to talk to a child so you were on the same level as him.  I knew there was more to you than an asshole.”  

“That’s…flattering.”  Tim said.  He cupped your cheek and leaned in.  He softly brushed his lips against yours.  You gently kissed him back. Tim broke the kiss and sat back in his chair next to your bed.  He picked up a brown paper bag and held it out to you.

“Please tell me that’s an Elvis burger from Mrs. C’s.”  You sighed.

“Extra bananas.”  Tim smirked, handing you the bag.

[bordysbae]

“you’re the only one who can calm him down” & “you cheated on me.” with mark estapa, maybe a misunderstanding happens?

“i’m all yours”

mark estapa x fem reader

warning: cussing, fighting, slight mention of blood

word count: 1.1k

you had been invited to your friend bella’s 21st birthday party. you guys met through multiple mutual friends, majority of which are the hockey boys. of course they got invited to this party too, and seeing how it’s a costume party you had asked mark to match costumes with you. but unfortunately, the guys decided to match, so you had to scratch the idea of a couples costume. you then decided to dress up as a sexy cowgirl, which ended up pissing mark off.

you’re currently wearing a very low cut white tank top, a pair of too tight jean shorts that slightly hug your ass, cowboy boots, and a cow-print cowboy hat. when mark saw your costume when he entered the party, he instantly told you how much he hated it and wanted you to change. you told him you couldn’t and that if he wanted to show you off as his, he would just have to stay by your side the entire night. mark being the petty guy he is, decided to give you silent treatment instead.

marks in the kitchen talking with mackie and nolan, and you’re talking to some of your friends holding a red solo cup in your hand. suddenly you hear someone call out your name from behind you. “y/n! oh my gosh you look so hot!” bella exclaims. “bella! happy birthday bitch! i haven’t seen you at all tonight!” you say pulling her into a big hug. you then notice the tall boy standing next to her, who appears to be around 5’11 or maybe 6ft. “oh i’m so rude! this is my friend ryan” bella says. “hi ryan, i’m y/n” “nice to meet you y/n” he smiles down at you.

you, ryan, and bella continue to talk for a few minutes until bella is pulled away by all of her other friends wishing her a happy birthday. you’re now standing awkwardly with ryan. you feel marks gaze burning into your cheek, so you turn your head slightly towards the kitchen, and you see mark glaring at you. mackie and nolan continue talking, assuming they still have marks attention. your gaze is snapped from mark back to ryan when he places his hand on your forearm. “so, how does a pretty girl like this you not have a boyfriend?” he asks you. before you can answer the question, someone else does for you. “she does.” mark says, slightly inching over ryan by 2-3 inches. “woah man chill, didn’t know she was taken. especially with how she’s dressed” ryan drunkenly chuckles. “oh that’s it, fuck you!” mark exclaims, before clocking ryan in the face with his fist. he continues to throw punches at ryan while he sloppily throws some back. quickly, nolan, mackie, and ethan appear pulling mark off of him, and drag mark into one of the bedrooms.

you’re stood there in shock, while everyone around you just stares at you or helps ryan. a few moments later, adam appears from behind you and places his hand on your shoulder. “y/n we need your help. please come try to calm him down, we’ve all tried to but he keeps threatening to punch us. you’re the only one who can calm him down.” “adam i’m the last person who he wants to talk to, there’s no way it’s gonna work right now.” “dude please, we gotta try. everyone’s tried to calm him down but it’s not working. he might need stitches but unless he calms down we can’t tell for sure.” “stitches?!” you cry out. “his lip is busted, please y/n!” after hearing about the possible need for stitches, you cave in, letting adam take you to mark.

you peak your head around the corner of the door, and see mark sitting on the edge of the bed. he notices your presence out of the corner of his eye and assumes you’re one of the boys. “just fucking go away!” he says looking up at you, his eyes going wide. “that’s no way to talk to your girlfriend huh?” you say, trying to lighten the mood. “nah nah nah don’t try and sugarcoat this shit, you’re barely even my girlfriend after all the bullshit you’ve pulled tonight.” “mark what? what are you even talking about? what ‘bullshit’ have i pulled tonight.” “you dress up in revealing clothes, knowing that it’s gonna piss me off that i cant show you off as mine in the way i want to, and then you go and start letting these guys flirt with you? you’re basically cheating on me” he scoffs. your mouth falls agape. “not my fault you decided to dress up with your friends! if you would’ve just let them call you a simp and dress up as a cowboy with me this entire thing would’ve been avoided! i don’t understand why you’re angry about a costume! and no mark, i’m not fucking cheating on you! you think i chose to date the 6’2 hockey player with anger issues, with intentions of cheating on him?!” you laugh.

mark gets off of the bed and begins to pace around the room. “im angry because y/n, i want people to know you’re mine, and if you let these guys stare at your tits, and stare at your ass, i’m gonna get angry. i know how the male brain works and best believe i saw at least 5 guys stare at your ass. the fucking things ryan was saying about you, that doesn’t piss you off? he said it in front of you too! i don’t get why you’re angry at me!” mark exclaims. you let out a deep sigh, “i’m not angry at you mark, i’m angry at the way you deal with your emotions. you didn’t need to fight him, you could’ve just like, i dunno, made out with me in front of him or something? you always resort to violence when you’re on the ice, you literally have the most penalties out of anyone! people seriously make signs before the games that say ‘free mark’ cause they know you’ll get a penalty” you chuckle. mark runs a hand through his hair, taking in the words you said. “i’m sorry for punching him, and i’m also sorry for being petty and giving you the silent treatment. i just want people to know you’re mine, and i don’t like when other guys look at you, wondering how to get you into bed. i’m sorry” he says, looking down at you. “mark i promise you don’t have to worry. i’m all yours. now, let me see that busted lip of yours.”

[astranva]

okay so whilst we’re on our pe!couple flirting train

their first kiss/date was in may right? but they didn’t start dating until november ? BUT Chris’ birthday is June - so is there any chance we can get a Chris’ birthday flirting blurb or anything ? x

a 1.8k blurb for you!

June 2015

Chris liked to celebrate his birthday.

It wasn’t because he liked people celebrating him, but he liked having those he loved around him, loud and laughing over cake and drinks.

But even his excitement to be around his close friends and family was diminished by the fact that Y/N was away for press for her movie, Inside Out. It was crazy to Chris how much her absence affected his mood.

Sure, they took their time and started out as friends before they finally kissed and went on a date, but even before so, he would’ve missed her.

He was glad he could take some time off from work, especially since Avengers: Age of Ultron was released recently and it seemed like ever since, he had been busy. Although, he did manage to take your relationship a step further during that time.

“Why the long face?” Scott approached him, holding a drink in his head.

“What?” Chris asked him, sipping from his own.

The two brothers stood in the backyard of Chris’ Bostonian home, chatter and laughter around them coming from family and friends.

Scott pointed at Chris, mimicking his frown, “The face.”

Chris chuckled, rolling his eyes at his brother.

“What’s up?” Scott repeated, “Is this about Y/N Y/L/N?”

“Are you always going to say her full name?”

“I just can’t believe you’re banging Y/N Y/L/N.”

“We’re not banging!” Chris laughed, “We’re not.”

“You’re in a situation then, I don’t know,” Scott argued, “Y/N fucking Y/L/N!”

Chris jokingly rolled his eyes, his flushed cheeks being enough proof that he was getting flustered.

“Is it about her?”

Chris shrugged before replying, “She’s been busy,” he said.

“She didn’t wish you a happy birthday?”

“She was the first to call,” he smiled, looking at his brother.

Scott groaned, “Do you ever talk about me with her? Does she know I exist?”

“Alright, can you stop being so obsessed?” Chris laughed.

“As if you aren’t obsessed with her, oh come on!” Scott argued back, “But seriously, then what’s up?”

“Nothing, I just-I don’t know, I think I just wanted to celebrate my birthday with her here, you know?”

Scott stayed quiet for a moment, only letting a smirk grow on his face.

“What?” Chris asked, knowing that look his younger brother was giving him.

“Nothing, it’s just,” he paused before snickering, “You’re down. Bad.”

“Fuck off,” Chris shoved his brother.

“No, really, really,” Scott laughed, “I can’t imagine someone has you pinning over them for months like that. How long have you known each other? Since December last year?”

Chris nodded, “The Nolans had their party in December, yeah.”

“Since December,” Scott repeated, “And you’ve only kissed and went on your first date last month,” he said, “Damn.”

“I don’t mind,” Chris said, “I mean—She was fresh out of a breakup and I would’ve been such an asshole if I just came in like that. I like that we’re taking our time, we’re-we’re getting to know each other.”

“Bullshit,” Scott teased.

“No, seriously,” Chris chuckled, his eyebrows furrowing when his phone vibrated in his pocket, “Hold on a sec,” he took it out, glancing at it before a smile broke out on his face, instantly moving away from his brother and the scene and into a secluded area to answer, “Hey.”

“Hey, birthday boy,” her voice came in and he almost felt lightheaded from her flirty tone, “Sorry I’m calling you at your party.”

“You can call me any time you want,” he flirted.

Chris couldn’t see her flustered face, but he sure as hell had a picture up his mind.

“Yeah, well,” she began, “In about ten minutes, you’re going to have to receive a package from your door.”

“You’re-Are you here?”

“No, I’m still in Cali,” she said with a sigh, “But I didn’t want to pass on your actual birthday without giving you a gift.”

“You know you didn’t have to,” Chris said.

“Yeah, I know,” she replied softly, “It’s nothing big,” she said, “Just something to tell you I’m thinking about you tonight.”

“Just tonight?” Chris smiled, looking down at the ground as he held on to his phone, moving one hand to his pocket.

“Especially tonight,” she flirted back, “I don’t want to keep you away from your party.”

“No, hey, it’s okay,” he said, “I missed hearing your voice.”

“Stop flirting with me. You’re the birthday boy here.”

“Yeah? You want to flirt with me instead?”

“I thought it was obvious I was trying?” She teased.

“Think you need to try harder,” as always, he teased back.

Her laugh made him beam, feeling his stomach go into knots at the sound.

It wasn’t even a minute later when he heard his doorbell over the music playing, thankful that it wasn’t so loud.

“I think it’s here,” he said, moving to his door with his phone still against his ear.

“They said 10 minutes,” she muttered.

“Hold on,” he said, opening the door. Instantly, Chris smiled at the delivery guy, taking the big box from him before tipping him.

“Jesus, what’s in there?” He muttered, feeling the heavy box as he walked back inside.

“It’s something really small,” she said.

Chris hummed, removing the tape before opening the top lid, his eyes falling on the big number of candy in there before he laughed, “Oh, you’re the cutest!”

“Hold one,” she told him.

“What do y-Oh!” He gasped, taking out a bag of Skittles.

‘Happy birthday, Christopher!’ was written on every single candy bag.

“You’re absolutely crazy,” he laughed, looking at all the candy, “I didn’t know you can customize that,” he said, and at her quietness, he smiled, nodding slightly, “You can’t customize that, huh?”

“I know some people,” she giggled.

Chris laughed. Of course she knew people.

“Now go back to your party,” she told him.

“Will I talk to you tonight?” Chris asked.

“You already did. Don’t be so greedy,” she teased him.

“No, that’s not enough. I don’t even know how your day went,” he said.

“I’ll talk to you tonight,” she said, “Just call me when your party is over.”

“Time to throw everyone out,” he joked.

She laughed, “Stop that. I’ll wait for you.”

And while Chris and Y/N did talk later that night, he was oblivious to her planning on visiting him only a couple of days later since her schedule allowed her a two-day break, and she wanted to spend one day with him and the other with her family.

June 15th came and so did Y/N. She had no house or apartment in Boston, but she had visited Chris a fair amount of times during the time they knew each other, so she didn’t have trouble finding his house at 10 am.

Having been awake for an hour already, Chris was all fresh in a fitted white t-shirt and loose sweatpants, opting for comfort since he wasn’t planning on going anywhere.

But the moment he opened his door, he wished he put more effort into looking good.

There she stood; in a simple outfit that she elevated like she always did, two bags in one hand, two blueberry smoothies in the other, and securing a wrapped up frame against her chest with both arms.

“You’re fucking kidding,” Chris said, “You’ve got be fucking kidding me right now, Y/N,” his hand were on her waist in a second, pulling her inside as she giggled before he helped her with the frame, leaning it against the wall.

“Surprise?” She kicked off her heels, standing barefoot as she looked at him.

Chris moved his hands, removing her sunglasses from her face before he pressed his lips to hers, “Happy belated birthday,” she whispered.

He hummed, hugging her without a care to the goodies in her hands, “It really is happy.”

She had gotten him muffins and croissants that they both sat in his kitchen eating.

“I’m just here for the day,” she told him after sipping on her smoothie, her leg touching his under the table, “Sorry I missed your birthday,” she frowned.

“Hey, no,” he shook his head, “You got me the cutest gift and you-I can’t believe you decided to spend the day with me today.”

“Why?” She smiled, looking at her muffin in her hand, “Is it too hard to believe that I want to spend the day with the man I like?”

Chris’ stomach was in shambles, his eyes closing as he tilted his head back with a smile, “You keep saying stuff like that and I won’t know how to stop myself from kissing you.”

“I never said you need to be stopped,” she instantly said.

“God, Y/N,” he muttered, scooting her chair even closer to his before his lips were on hers.

She smiled into the kiss, only pulling back to talk, ”The candy wasn’t your gift,” she said.

“Hm?”

She shook her head, standing up to wash her hands before she was about to move past him. Chris was quick to hook a finger to one of her belt hoops, halting her movement and pulling her back.

“I’m just bringing you your gift,” she laughed, putting her hands on his shoulders as he sat.

“Be quick,” he said, smiling when she pecked his lips before leaving.

It was only his first birthday with them together, and although they weren’t official and had no labels, she knew she didn’t want to pass on the chance to see him beam; a sight she had seemed to love so much that she felt like she would go to the ends of the world to see.

“Can you just come here?!” She shouted from the living room.

It didn’t take him long to be with her, hands having a mind of their own as they were placed on her hips.

“Come on, open it,” she motioned towards the frame.

Chris sat on the couch, taking the big frame and placing it on his lap, “Is it a picture of you?”

“Yeah, how did you know?” She sarcastically replied, standing back with her arms crossed.

Chris chuckled, his hands working on unwrapping the navy blue wrapping paper.

His eyes fell on a picture. The Patriots team were stood smiling, Tom Brady standing in the middle with a sign.

‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHRIS EVANS!’ was written in bold, black marker, and Chris’ eyes almost fell out of their sockets.

“Is this edited?” He asked, looking up at Y/N, “Y/N, is this—this is fucking edited, right?”

“Why would I get you an edited picture?” She laughed.

“Oh my God,” his hand went to his mouth, eyes wide as he looked at the picture, “This is-I have no words to say. I don’t-I don’t know what to say.”

She approached him, reaching to cup his face, making him look up at her, “Happy birthday, Chris.”

Chris sighed in contentment, standing up to wrap his arms around her, “This is the best gift I have ever received,” he said, “How did you even pull that one?”

With a giggle and a twinkle in her eyes that had Chris weak at the knees, she replied:

“I know some people.”

[cranberrylovely]

Mr Beast x Y/n x SapNap (love triangle)

- You’re Chandler’s sister and his legacy of accidentally becoming a part of the Mr Beast crew is bestowed unto you.

———————

I watched silently in the back seat as the rain hit the car window. Usually I would be in the front next to my brother, Chandler, but we were on the way to shoot a video with some of his friends. Nick was in my spot and I listened to the two of them talk.

“Probably like, ‘Last One to Let Go of the Lambo Gets the Lambo’ or something like that,” Nick said. They were trying to figure out what Jimmy’s new video was going to be.

“He did that already,” I muttered quietly. It was mostly to myself, but Nick turned around to face me.

“What? You keep tabs on him or something?” he asked teasingly as a grin spread across his lip. “Part of the notification gang?”

“Aren’t you in the dream SMP?” I shot back. His smile faded and I tried to hide mine. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Fuckin’ loser.” He turned back around.

Nick and I had known each other for a while. Ever since I turned 21, I’ve been getting more and more involved with helping out in Mr Beast videos. I haven’t been offered any sort of role yet. I usually just hang around until somebody needs something. Like an unpaid PA.

But since Chandler’s some hotshot now and hangs out with a bunch of YouTubers, I’ve met my fair share. Nick, or “SapNap”, is one of them. He’s probably the only one I’ve stayed in touch with, being the same age and all.

“If you’re really wondering what his plan might be, look at the facts,” I started. “Nick, you’re only featured in his videos when they’re special of start with the word ‘extreme’. So it’s probably something like that. Not ‘Last One touching the Lambo’.”

“Whatever, smartass,” Chandler said as we turned into the warehouse parking lot. I kicked the back of his seat.

“Isn’t he supposed to tell you guys in advance? You know, like… ask for your consent?” I asked. We pulled into a spot.

“Are you kidding?” Nick said, nearly laughing.

“Jimmy doesn’t give two shits about consent.” Chandler took the keys out of the ignition and turned back to face me. “Do you know how much he pays us just to be here?”

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. If I guessed too low, I’d be pissed off that I didn’t get one buck for all the shit I’ve had to do. Coffee runs, lunch runs, dinner runs, you name it. If I guessed too high I’d look stupid. It was a lose/lose situation.

So I didn’t say anything and they just rolled their eyes at me.

I counted only 5 or so cars in the warehouse parking lot. Either this was an exclusive invite or 100 participants were packed into a clown car. Considering the secrecy of the whole ordeal, I assumed it was the first option. And I’d never been involved in one of their smaller videos before.

After getting out of the car, I hurried up to Nick’s side. “Sooo…” I started. “Are you sure I’m allowed to be here?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, glancing at me.

I shrugged. “I don’t know, I’ve always tagged along with Chandler, but I never get invited.”

“What are they gonna do? Kick you out?” He chuckled. “Jimmy’s mean, but he’s not that mean. Besides, if he says anything I’ll punch him.”

I rolled my eyes and laughed. “Yeah, right.”

“Don’t do that,” Chandler said from in front of us. “This is my job and I’ll be fired if you assault him.”

We walked into the lobby and met Chris in the front. He was wearing a stupid ass purple security uniform.

“What are you wearing?” Chandler asked.

Chris spun around. “What do you mean? I look great!”

“You look like the purple guy,” Nick commented.

Chris raised an eyebrow. “That’s the point?”

Nick and I exchanged glances.

“Did you guys not get the memo?” he continued. The three of us just stood in silence.

After an awkward 20 seconds I spoke. “Is it, like, FNAF themed?”

“Hell yeah!” Nolan said, joining us in the lobby. Tareq was beside him, multiple camera bags slung over his shoulder.

“Who else is here?” Chandler asked.

“It’s just us plus Nick,” Chris said. “Well, and another camera guy. Him and Jimmy are in the warehouse setting up the cameras.”

“I should go help out,” Tareq said, spinning on his heel and heading towards the entrance of the warehouse. “Y/n, you wanna come with? My shoulder’s starting to hurt and we could use a hand.”

“Sure,” I said, following him. Really, I wanted to ask where the fuck my paycheck was. You know, since everybody else was getting paid so much they didn’t even need to ask what the video was. But here I was, not a dollar richer. Mr Beast… what a philanthropist.

As soon as we stepped into the warehouse I could tell the video was gonna be sick. The set was huge and designed to look like a live action Five Nights at Freddy’s game. I couldn’t peel my eyes away from all of the detail as Tareq led me through the maze of fake hallways. I couldn’t wait to see what it looked like with the overhead lights off.

We found Jimmy and the other cameraman in the security office setting up hidden cameras.

“Yeah, right there,” Jimmy said, his arms crossed over his chest. He noticed us come in.

“Jimmy, this looks awesome!” I said, genuinely excited. Before then I had barely spoken to him other than to take orders for food.

He looked at me with a dead pan face, almost disappointed to see me. “Yeah, thanks,” he said shortly and took a camera on a tripod from Tareq. “This is charged, right?” he asked.

“Yeah, of course,” Tareq answered.

“Are you sure? Because last time you said that, the camera died half way in and we had to fill an hours worth of footage.”

“Man, that was one time,” Tareq objected, waving his hand defensively.

Jimmy laughed. “Relax,” he said soothingly and patted him on the arm. Then he looked at me and his smile faded. “You gonna do something useful, or what?”

“Well what do you want me to do?” I asked, a little flustered.

Jimmy took a bag from Tareq and practically threw it at me. I barely caught it and swung it over my shoulder. “Just get good clips.” He came over to me and placed a firm hand on my shoulder. I immediately tensed up. “This is your one and only chance, y/n,” he said in a deep, quiet voice. “So don’t fuck it up or you wont step another foot in this building again. Understood?”

“Yeah,” I whispered, blinking while I looked up at him. He towered over me. “Understood.”

He patted me on the shoulder, and left. I could only stare at the back of his head as he walked away, the other camera man following behind him.

After a moment I remembered Tareq was still in the room with me. I looked over at him and he snickered.

“What’s up with your face?” he asked.

I reached up to feel for anything that might have been on it and there was nothing. “What do you mean?”

“It’s so red,” he pointed out.

“Oh, that’s probably since I haven’t eaten today.” Which was a complete bullshit lie. MrBeast just threatened to fire me from a job I didn’t even have, of course I was going to be upset.

-

Before the whole “Last One to Survive Five Nights at Freddy’s Gets $100,000” ordeal, I found Nick in the Party Room portion of the fake pizzeria. I sat across from him and he looked up from his phone with a small smile toward me.

“Hey,” he said. I forced a smile back and set the uncased camera on the table.

“Where’s everyone else?” I asked. He looked around and shrugged.

“Jimmy said we could wander for a bit and get familiar with the set. Oh, and, they also said that the video was supposed to be a secret so don’t post or…”

“Yeah, I get it,” I said. Slowly, Nick’s gaze became worrisome.

“Are you okay?” he asked. I didn’t expect the question so it took me a second to respond.

“Why?”

“Well you seem out of it,” he said. “And… Tareq mentioned something that happened?”

I rolled my eyes. “It was nothing, just something stupid.”

“Y/n, you do know that you are more than welcome here, right?” He reached out and lightly touched the top of my hand.

I could feel my face heating up again.

There was a slightly awkward lull before Jimmy came in and everyone else practically paraded behind him. I immediately picked up my camera and stood up.

Karl was amongst the group, meaning that Chris lied. Then came Nolan, and Chandler, Chris, and Tareq. Jimmy turned to face us all.

“Okay, Tareq and y/n on the moving cameras,” he started, his eyes scanning the list on his phone. “We filmed the intro already, first up is Nick.”

The hustle picked up almost immediately. They put Nick in the security room, and everyone else got into costume. My job was simple enough. I had a certain amount of rooms I was in charge of and I had to stay out of the way of whoever was playing while simultaneously filming them.

The first 5 minutes were going good, since I was able to get some easy shots. But after another 5 of seeing absolutely nobody I started to worry. I was right beside the stage where the ‘animatronics’ were supposed to be in the beginning of the game, but by then all three of them had dispersed. I’d been alone for what felt like forever. Panic began to set in when I considered that I might be missing some important shots. I mean, we could always reenact something if we had to, they did it all the time on the channel. The only thing I truly had to face was Jimmy, and that made me feel uneasy.

I wandered a little bit out of bounds to see if I could find anyone. It was incredibly dark and I was squinting to see my feet. As I turned the corner I felt a warm body crash into mine and I screamed. A hand shot over my mouth. It was Jimmy.

“What the hell are you doing?” It was too dark to see his expression and he spoke quietly, but I could easily assess that he was upset.

I wanted to explain, but his hand lingered on my mouth, pressing me up against the wall. My heart was pounding from the jumpscare and continued the longer he held onto me. Voices grew closer and he put a finger to his lips.

“Guys, I could’ve sworn I just heard a scream,” Nick said to the camera in his dumb YouTube Entertainer voice.

“I think it was y/n.” That was Chandler. “Y/n!?” He called.

Jimmy backed up. “Laugh it off,” he ordered, leading me toward the voices. As if he were an activated toy he began to laugh when we ran into Nick and Chandler. “Y/n, tell them what just happened.” That’s when I saw Tareq with the camera, still filming.

“I literally didn’t hear anything for like 10 minutes,” I played along. “So I was looking for you guys and right when I turned the corner Jimmy jumped out at me. It was horrifying!”

“I thought she was SapNap,” Jimmy added and pointed to Nick. I’d never felt more threatened to laugh along with someone. It was like there was a gun to my head.

My heart was still pounding.

[psychotic4ghost]

Strength Together

TW: guns, mild language, mentions of scars/injury WC: 3.4k

Masterlist Chapter 5 // Chapter 7

The soft rhythmic beeps of Ghost’s EKG picked up suddenly, startling Ophelia as she was slowly removing his feeding tube one morning. She watched his monitors, all signs being more than good. 

“Ophelia?” Ghost croaked out, his throat was dry and almost unable to form words.

“I’m right here.” This wasn’t the first time he had woken up and the only word coming from him was her name. She adored it more than she should have as it was nice to know he thought about her. 

“Water?” It was strangled but Ophelia could still understand his one word request. Next to her she had a clean cup of water, she used the automatic hydraulics to lift his bed into a more sitting position before helping him drink. This was something that happened almost every day, sometimes twice a day which meant he was recovering smoothly. 

“You’re so pretty.” He mumbled, this  wasn’t a first either. Ophelia always chalked it up to the drugs he was on making him a little delirious. 

“Thank you, drink more water.” Ophelia requested as she helped tip the glass to his lips. His hand came up to the glass, gently wrapping around her own. His calloused hand held tightly onto hers that held the water as he took in big gulps.

“How are you feeling today?” Ophelia was trying to distract herself from his hand around hers as he finished the glass of water. 

“Better.” his voice was clearer now after finishing the water. “How long has it been, what happened?” 

Ophelia had told him what happened before but he was more out of it than he was now. He seemed to almost be fully aware this time. “It’s been one and a half weeks and you were shot.” 

“Nolan, huh?” It almost felt as if he was himself again, just waking up from a nap. 

“That’s what I was told, yeah. Price says you were protecting Gaz.” 

“Yeah, I remember that. Nolan had him at gunpoint, couldn’t lose another.”

“So you sacrifice yourself?” Ophelia cocked her head to the side. 

“He’s young. He deserves to keep living.” 

“Ghost, you’re only thirty five. You’re still young too.” Ophelia took her usual seat next to his hospital bed with a saddened look adorning her features. 

Ghost chuckled, a noise she didn’t realize she missed hearing. “He’s still younger. He deserves to live on. Not to mention his caring nature.” 

“I can’t argue with that, however, I still think you deserve life just as much.” 

“You’re too sweet to me.” A soft smile filled his eyes, a smile pulling under his black surgical mask that he pulled over his nose after drinking the water. 

“Well, you are still my patient.”

“No. Not what I meant. Even when you first got here, you always were sweeter to me. Not scared either.” 

“The drugs are talking, Ghost.” Ophelia was trying her best to dismiss this somewhat awkward conversation. She wasn’t sure how to take what he was saying. If she took it to heart, she could be crushed later when the meds wore off and he came to his senses. 

“Don’t do that.” Ghost mumbled.

“Do what?” 

“Dismiss my feelings. You lowered the dose, I know you did. I remember the last two times I woke up. I know you think I don’t.” 

Ophelia found herself unable to move, shock filled her veins as she realized what he was saying. The last few times he had called her pretty, sweet, wonderful and even thanked her in such a soft and caring way, weren’t just the drugs talking. She obviously knew she lowered his dose, but she didn’t know that he knew too. 

The fact he was still awake too, meant he was recovering and her lowering of the dose as an experiment to see how he was doing, was proving that he was doing a lot better than she expected. Price was right, this man heals incredibly fast and would return to his usual self in no time. Though this was not his usual self. He was usually cold towards her and everyone around him. This show of warmth was something that was not normal coming from Ghost. Pink filtered onto her cheeks, she could feel the tips of her ears grow hot as she stared into his eyes. 

“Did Price force you to shower? You smell like flowers. I half expected you to smell like death since I figured you hardly left that chair.” Ghost chuckled to himself as he noticed the very obvious pink creeping onto her cheeks. It only got worse the more he spoke. 

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

Three days had passed since Ghost had fully woken up. He was eating and drinking by himself and he would crack bad jokes for Ophelia. He said it was his payment to her for taking such good care of him. She still chalked it all up to the meds, even though she had lowered them to almost nothing by now. 

“I know you don’t need to put this much weight on me Lieutenant.” Ophelia grumbled as she helped Ghost walk up and down the halls. He was in open heeled slippers, gray sweats and a black, short sleeve compression shirt. Which he had to remove when she did her check ups, something that made her fluster every time. 

“I’m so weak though, doc.” Ghost would exaggerate a weak tone as he put even more of his weight on her. He could walk just fine. Turning his head in any direction was the hard part. He made Gaz laugh so hard he needed to leave the room when Ghost turned to look at something but he turned his head like batman in the 1989 film. It made Ghost grumble but when he noticed Ophelia trying to stifle her laughter, it eased his tension.

“I watched you get out of bed just fine like two minutes ago!” Ophelia said as she pushed against his collapsing weight.  

“Oh shit, do you need help?” Gaz came around the corner and was immediately rushing to their aid, only for Ghost to straighten up just fine. Gaz gave them both a quizzical look before rambling off questions. “How long till he’s back in the field?” 

“It’d be months if I had it my way. But Price informed me of an upcoming mission that I am not partial to.” Ophelia crossed her arms and gave a small little huff, one Ghost found to be absolutely adorable. Both men did, they all saw her as a little puppy sometimes. 

“Little reunion here?” Price came around the other corner behind them as Ghost did his best to turn normally. 

“Guess Ghost can walk pretty well now.” Gaz smiled, as he was the one to catch Ghost teasing Ophelia, which was not like him at all. 

“Good, we have another mission in about three days.” Price informed the three in front of him. 

“I still don’t think it wise to let Ghost go on this mission. He wouldn’t be able to use a gun properly.” Ophelia interjected.

“We’ll take him down to the shooting range and see. Are his stitches out?” Price asked.

“Yes, I took them out yesterday.” Ophelia put her hand up to hide her lips as if she didn’t want the boys who were about a foot from her, to hear. “Between you and me cap, I don’t think he’s human. No one heals this fast.” The team laughed at her joke, Gaz agreeing with her. 

“Does he even have bandages on anymore?” Priced asked as he eyed the collar of Ghost’s shirt.

“Nope. Don’t need ‘em.” Ghost said as he flashed his neck, showing the red and pink skin from where he was shot. It was already forming into a scar. 

“Doc, do I have your permission to take him to the range today?” Price asked as he looked down at her. 

Ophelia let out a defeated sigh, she’d like to keep him in her clinic longer, just to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid that could prolong his healing. But she had enough proof that he didn’t need to stay. With how quickly he heals, he should be perfectly fine to do whatever now. Even turning his head was getting easier and easier. “Fine. But I’m coming with. Let me put my lab coat in my office, I’ll meet you there. No guns till I’m there!” Ophelia took off down the hall in a light jog, not trusting them to wait for her. 

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

The range was always cold, the cement walls doing nothing to make it feel less like a cell. The back wall was lined with a massive arsenal of guns. This was a private chamber that only certain members had access to as the weapons weren’t locked up. If any other sergeant or private wanted to practice, they would have to be accompanied by a higher up or check a weapon out from the armory and practice in the lower level range.

“I hate this room.” Ophelia groaned as she watched each of the boys choose their weapon. Ghost went for a SVA 545, a smaller option when it came to assault rifles. Ophelia could pinpoint the name of it only because it was one Ghost shot a lot and he had told her about it the last few times they were in the range together. 

Gaz picked a handgun for now, one Ophelia didn’t know the name of, and Price picked a much heavier looking weapon that Ophelia eyed, she didn’t want to admit that it was kind of pretty.

“BAS-B, it’s a battle rifle. One of the bigger and more powerful guns.” Price informed as he saw Ophelia eyeing the gun. 

“That would knock ya’ clean onto your arse.” Ghost added as he inspected his own gun. 

“Why are you so against guns again?” Gaz asked as he pulled back the barrel of his gun, inspecting the inside. 

“They take lives.”

“But what if someone is about to take yours, are you just going to let them kill you?” Price asked, the conversation growing darker. 

“N-no-” Ophelia tried to find an answer but couldn’t.

“Then how are you going to stop them? Injure them and hope they don’t follow?” Ghost asked, he had his gun aimed down at the ground, in a relaxed position as if holding a death machine was nothing to him, and it was nothing to him. 

“I-I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it.” Ophelia said honestly, she had never been in a situation where she needed to, except the last mission. 

“If you try, just once, and you still don’t want to learn, I won’t force you. But please just try once. Or at least let me teach you your way around a gun so in case you need it, in case we aren’t there to protect you, you can save yourself.” Ghost held out a small handgun, even smaller than the one Gaz held. 

“I’ll learn about it and I’ll shoot it once. But no more.” Ophelia said as she clasped her hands together in front of her, not wanting to touch it. 

“I’m going to take her into the safe room, teach her a little while you guys practice.” Ghost announced to his team as he led her into a sound dampened room so they could talk. 

He set the small handgun down on the table that was in the room. It was a medium sized room with boxes of ammo and gun attachments lining the walls and the side counters. 

“This is a P890, it’s a smaller option for handguns. Shoots 9mm. It will have some kick, but nothing like what Price is shooting.” Ghost nodded over to the glass window that looked into the range. Price’s shoulder kicked back with each single fire of the weapon.

“He makes it look easy but really, that gun would have you on the ground so fast.” Ghost picked up the gun and started pulling it apart skillfully. He listed off each part of the gun as he put it back together. 

“You grip it like this,” Ghost took her hand as gently as he could as he wrapped her much smaller hand around the grip of the gun. He could feel her shaking beneath his grip. His hold on her tightened, “No need to shake. It’s not even loaded. Look we’ll even take the mag out, yeah?” Ghost lifted his thumb to a small button on the side of the firearm and pressed, the mag slid out from the base and into his awaiting palm. 

The firearm instantly felt lighter in her grip as he set the mag down on the table with a light thud. The mag was empty just like he said but she did feel safer without it in the gun. “Take it.” Ghost let go of her hand which dropped lightly with the unexpected weight. She hadn’t realized how much of the weight he was supporting till he took his hand away. 

“Mess with it, find the right grip for you, get comfortable with it, but please, for the love of everything, do not point it at either of us.” 

“Why? It’s not loaded.”

“It’s still a weapon. Loaded or not, you never want to risk it.” Ghost gave a soft chuckle as he realized he would be starting from ground zero with her. “We take gun safety very seriously, Ophelia. I know you’re scared of it and don’t like the idea of hurting someone, but even we don’t wield these with the intention to kill. They are merely a form of protection.” 

For the next hour or so, Ghost taught her all about the weapon. Where the safety is, how to eject the mag, hand, thumb, and trigger finger placement, and so much more. She could slowly feel herself easing into it, her fear lessening with each of his words. Was it her growing knowledge that made this easier or was it his voice? Was it the fact that it was Ghost teaching her and not someone else, that calmed her? Whatever it was, she was feeling more confident until he asked the very scary question, “Ready to take her into the range?” 

Ophelia was snapped out of her daze at his question, “You mean sh-shoot?” 

Ghost nodded his head, “The boys are gone. It’d just be you and me.” 

Ophelia turned to look into the range through the bullet proof glass. The guys had left a while ago, she was sure of it. She never did realize when the soft bangs stopped and the beep of the security door had gone off, all things she would have still been able to hear in that small room. How lost had she actually gotten in his voice? Fuck.

“Maybe not today. We need to eat anyway, it’s past dinner time.” Ophelia looked at her watch as a means to avoid eye contact before realizing the time and they did actually need to eat; him especially. 

“Tomorrow then. I want you to have at least shot a gun once before our next mission.” Ophelia nodded at his request, she was incredibly apprehensive but understood his desire for her to know how to shoot.

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

“Sergeant Fang will be reassigned to Team Alpha. Team Bravo will be stationed at the safe house, guarding our medic, Ghost as the leader.” Price was giving their small team the rundown. Team Bravo was the watch team, this time consisting of five men plus Ghost making six. Alpha team, led by Captain Price, had ten men, including Gaz, that were to storm the village. 

“Ghost, you will be taking point inside the safe house, Ophelia is to be accompanied at all times. Do not let her out of your sight.” Price ordered and Ghost gave a quick “Rog.” never disobeying a direct order from Price. 

The mission was coming up quicker than Ophelia hoped for. The idea of being that close to gun fire again wasn’t something she was looking forward too, and with Ghost being on the field, playing bodyguard or not, was not something she wanted either. Though she knew she couldn’t fight Ghost on this, as he was insistent he be on the mission. 

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

“Higher. Your shoulders are too low, that’s why you keep complaining that you can’t see.” Ghost nagged as he attempted to teach Ophelia to at least hold the gun. It was loaded this time and he could see how her arms shook with fear of the loaded firearm. 

“It hurts my neck.” Ophelia complained as she dropped the gun to her side and pulled her ear muffs to the side, making sigh as he had to do the same. They were on and off since Ophelia was stalling.

“That’s ‘cause your shoulders are too low. Again.” This time Ghost placed himself directly behind her, his front almost flush with her backside. She could feel his muscles through the compression shirt he wore. His hands gripped under her elbows, pushing them up and sliding along the underside of her arms to her hands. He gripped the weapon over her much smaller ones and helped her aim down range. 

“Ghost…” 

He let out a grunt in response, not realizing the effect he was having on the poor girl that was practically underneath him at this point. “Look through the sights, not at me.” Or so she thought. 

Ophelia cleared her throat before looking down the ironsights of the weapon. She could see her target but she could also feel his finger pushing hers to the trigger. Panic flooded her as she realized he was about to make her shoot the weapon. 

“Breathe, Lia. Your shot won’t be on target if you’re panicked like this.” Ghost shifted so his hips were away from hers, lowering himself so he could see better from her height, which meant he had to bend over quite a bit.

Ophelia took in the deepest breath she could muster before moving her trigger finger herself. She curved her finger around the trigger and with one last breath in, she pulled it back and the gun kicked back towards her. If Ghost’s hands weren’t still around hers, she just knew the gun would have hit her in the face. She wasn’t ready for such recoil. 

Ghost took the weapon from her and took a step back. “See? It’s not that bad.” 

“It nearly hit me in the face. Had you not been there, it would have.” Ophelia huffed as she watched the paper target pull closer to her face. Ghost had moved towards the button that controlled the target's range. 

“That would have killed.” Ghost said matter-of-factly. “Good shot.” 

“I still don’t like this.” 

“Well, our deal was that you shoot at least once before the missions starts, and you did just that.” Ghost let a small smile slip to his lips, one she wouldn’t be able to see past the mask as his eyes didn’t crinkle. 

“Why are you so keen on this?” Ophelia asked as she backed away from the marked shooting area. 

“If I go down, you need to know how to protect yourself. You’re an asset to this team. What does Price call team assets?” Ghost asked as he unloaded and inspected the weapon before taking care of it. 

“Family.” Ophelia murmured. “But I’m just the doctor, I’m not actually a part of the team, Ghost.” 

“In Price’s eyes you are. And what Price says, goes.” Ghost couldn’t pull himself to say it directly, so he hoped she would pick up on the hints. Over time he found that social queues seemed to be a weakness of hers. She was definitely more book smart than street smart and it made Ghost laugh. 

“Just don’t make me carry one in the safe house.” Ophelia huffed again, like a small child. It made Ghost chuckle. 

“I won’t but if things go south, expect me to slide a handgun your way.” Ghost found himself smiling at her more and more as they spent time together. 

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

<- Chapter 5 // Chapter 7 -> Story Masterlist // Main Masterlist

[photogirl894]

My gosh, I have so many thoughts about the new Bad Batch episode...read my long rambling at your own risk 😜

First of all, when Lieutenant Nolan referred to Clones as “used equipment”...oooohhhhh my blood had never boiled so much so quickly!! I literally snapped at my scream, “You freaking bitch!” Cuz nobody disses my Clone boys like that!! Hated him immediately (though I’m pretty sure that was the point)

I liked Mayday and it made me kind of sad hearing the hesitation from Crosshair before saying his name to him. He’s gotten so used to being called by a number and no one has wanted or used his name since Cody. I can’t even imagine the hell he’s been through since returning to Coruscant from Kamino. I feel so sorry for him.

Not gonna lie, I really thought when Crosshair stepped on that mine that it was gonna turn into a “I’m gonna die if I move off this grenade and now I’m suddenly full of regret” scene/episode that would make Crosshair realize he really made the wrong choice and he misses his brothers. It made me sad when he mentioned them to Mayday. It was one brief mention, but it was still enough to know that he thinks about them. Luckily, the detonator didn’t go off and nothing happened, so that was good. 

Then I kept thinking Crosshair and Mayday were gonna get trapped in that tunnel especially when the ceiling started shaking. There were a lot of moments where I thought something was gonna happen and then it didn’t, which kept me on edge the whole time (more than I already was) Then with the avalanche, I thought they would manage to outrun it or find a spot to hunker down and wait it out, but no, they both got caught in it!! Like what is this??

The new armor for the new military and Mayday lamenting over their place now in the galaxy...I said out loud, “Listen to him, Crosshair! Listen to him!! He’s speaking truth, everything you’ve done for the Empire is amounting to nothing! This isn’t where you belong!”

Crosshair panicking over Mayday and then carrying him so far to safety...this is what really got me. This is Crosshair...an enhanced Clone who despised regular Clones...who was now carrying a regular Clone through blizzards and treacherous snow to try and save his life! A reg, of all people!! All that time, Crosshair believed he was superior to regular Clones (”We’re not like the regs, we never have been. We’re superior.”/Hunter says they’ll phase out Clones: “Not the ones that matter.”) and then he literally risked his life for a reg. TALK ABOUT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!! Oh Crosshair, my boy, you’re growing up...you’re beginning to see the light at long last...And then, to make it even more heartbreaking, he begged for the Lieutenant to help Mayday and I mean begged, literally on his knees and everything! If anyone had told Crosshair some time ago that he would do such a thing, there’s no way he would’ve believed them. And once again, hearing Nolan’s awful and degrading comments about how Crosshair and the Clones are all expendable...he was making me want to commit murder! I was furious!!

And then...the defining moment...Crosshair shooting Lieutenant Nolan to avenge Mayday!! He killed an Imperial to avenge the death of a reg, once again something he would’ve never fathomed doing before. First of all, I know a lot of people said they cheered at that moment. I couldn’t. I was too in shock at the fact that Crosshair had actually done that. It was something I had hoped he would do for a long time (though for a while I wished it had been Rampart) showing that he was actually going to defect from the Empire, but I didn’t believe it would actually happen. Then to see it with my very eyes...all I could do was gasp and wait with bated breath. I was happy; he had finally come to see the true nature of the Empire and was making the right choice, but then I was afraid because I knew he would be in trouble!

And Crosshair is most DEFINITELY in trouble now because he’s in possibly the worst place he could be in at Mount Tantiss and I am terrified of what’s going to happen to him!!

Crosshair had been told over and over again by Hunter that the Empire didn’t give a shit about him and he refused to listen...he saw slight examples of it with Rampart and he refused to see the truth...it took him hearing it from an actual Imperial for him to finally see the light. He had to hear the words “you’re expendable” from someone of the Empire for the message to finally sink in and for him to realize he’s made the wrong choice. The symbolism of him on his knees, wrought so low, in front of an Imperial who thinks Crosshair is below him is just incredibly humbling imagery and I feel that too helped drive it all home for Crosshair. He may never acknowledge aloud that Hunter was right and he was wrong, but I’m sure at this point, he still knows it deep down. I was so proud of him for finally seeing the truth and doing something right about it. While his choice may result in terrible consequences, it was still a step in the right direction that I am praying fervently pays off eventually. I need him back with his brothers and sister. I don’t know how it’s going to happen, but I really hope it does.

The next episode is called “Pabu”...which offers us no clue as to what it’s going to be about at all! Most of the time, we can infer what a new episode might be about based on the title and possibly based on events from previous episodes...”Pabu” gives us nothing at all and I feel like that was done on purpose!! They give us this emotionally devastating episode and then no hint as to what’s coming next. Will it be another Crosshair episode? Will it go back to the Batch? Will it be Rex and Echo this time? Or something totally different? We have no idea and that scares me even more.

I may not be a Crosshair simp, but I still love him dearly and even though he’s been incredibly frustrating since season 1, all I’ve wanted was for him to have his eyes opened to the truth surrounding him and come to his senses. I just want him home with his family where he truly belongs. His time with the Empire is coming to an end; the end is just on the horizon. I’m still holding to the hope that he will make it through this redemption arc without having to die. Everyone compares him to Zuko and Kallus, who both were redeemed with wonderfully written arcs without dying and I’m praying hard that the same will happen to Crosshair. I know there’s a few theories I’ve seen of what could happen moving forward in the last 4 episodes of the season, but I almost don’t want to think of any of those cuz all of them make me anxious and I don’t want them to happen, even though more than likely one of them just might.

This episode, while heartbreaking and devastating, was absolutely incredible. I’m now beginning to see why everyone who saw the show before it aired said Crosshair is the standout of the season. This is just the beginning for him and I look forward to (and dread) seeing what the rest of the season is going to be like for him. I love him, I missed him and I’m proud of him after this episode.

Final note: freaking Dee Bradley Baker deserves a freaking award for his voice acting for Crosshair after this episode!!! Seriously, the depth and raw emotion I could hear in his voice when talking about Clone Force 99, when panicking over Mayday, when begging the Lieutenant to save his friend and then seething with rage when nothing was done and Mayday died...was absolutely top tier voice acting! This man continues to amaze me with his range of talent! One moment, he can make you swoon with a Clone’s voice and then the next, he can break your heart with it. No wonder he loved this episode so much and Crosshair was his favorite Batcher to voice because of it.

Okay, long ramble over! I just have so many thoughts about this episode and I’m pretty sure not all of them even made it into this post. It’s going to take me until the next episode for me to fully process everything that happened. I was not prepared for all of this...and frankly, I’m not prepared for the next 4 episodes either. This is going to be one hell of a ride, my friends, as we near the season finale. 

May the Force be with us all.

[rsedits9420]

Ok so this is like my first time writing, so don’t mind the grammar lol, but…. I just wanted to try it out because it honestly looks fun. So here’s my first fic ig? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Feelings.

Mark Estapa x reader

Btw y/n/n =your nick name and y/c = your color!

Theme- Mark and y/n have been best friends since they were kids. She moved with him to u-mich. Mark and y/n start to have difficulty finding their feelings for each other. That causes them to drift. Until one of them finally makes a move.

Word count: 2.0k

Y/n

I hate frat partys. It’s all so stupid. Who wants to go hang out with a bunch of drunk people who can’t control themselves? I guess Mark does. He drug me here, so he wouldn’t be “lonely”. This kid. He acts as if he has no game. He could easily get a girl on his hip. That for sure wasn’t the problem. Mark and I have been besties for almost 15 years. We meet in my backyard after he accidentally shot a puck into it. He climbed the fence just to meet with little ol’ me. He asked if I wanted to join him, and me being me I took the invite. Ever since that day on we have been inseparable. I went to every single one of his hockey games. Home or away. He never missed a Sunday night movie with me. We did everything together. He was even my date to all 4 homecomings and 2 proms. Our families have always said we will end up with each other one day. Oh god, I hope so. I’ve always thought mark was cute, but it really got terrible as soon as we got to college. How couldn’t I have known how attractive this guy was? I feel like a fool, because in no way will he ever feel the same. I stare across the room to see mark up against some sorority girl. She practically eating his face. I can’t help to feel a sense of jealousy. Then reality hit. He's a D1 hockey player and future NHL player and I’m just me. A girl is now sitting alone at a party staring at her best friend with another girl.

“Y/n come on I need you for pong!” Eddy yells. Ethan is the only one who knows about my true feelings. After Mark and him became roommates I spent a bunch of time in their dorm. Ethan is one of the most genuine people I have ever met. “I'm on my way Eddy!” I replied. Maybe this will help me take my mind off Mark.

As I walk up to Ethan, I'm met with the sight of Nolan doing a keg stand. These hockey boys have no shame. Moyle’s overall strap is currently falling down, starting to fall onto his face. That’s when he face plants right on the hardwood. I can’t help but laugh. “ Yo Moyle dude you okay?” Dylan ask. Nolan sits up looks at me and eddy and says,” Can I play y’all in pong now?” Never a dull moment with this crowd that’s for sure.

After Eddy and Dylan set up the game, I can’t help but wonder where Mark is. I turn to look to where I saw him last and notice he is nowhere in sight. All of a sudden Nolan yells,” Hey y/n are you ready or what?” I snap back into reality and grab the ball.

I’ve just downed my second cup, when I feel two hands grab a hold of my shoulders. “Y’all winning?” A familiar voice says. I turn around to be met with Mark’s gorgeous dark brown eyes. Ethan gasp offendedly. “Stop Sign you know me and her kick serious ass every time we play. How could you even ask if we are losing” he says sarcastically. Mark and I turn toward each other and chuckle. Eddy’s right. We are currently 7/7 and are beating Nolan and Dylan by a shit ton right now. I bounce the ball and it falls into the final cup. Ethan jumps up and grabs me while saying,” How the hell did you get so fucking good at this game? Seriously I need answers.” Truth be told it was Mark. At our first high school party he taught me how to play. Granted he taught me, but I’m still better. He hates that I’m better than him at something he taught me but I just think it’s ironic.

After the game, me, Eddy, and Mark all head to the living room. The three of us sit next to eachother on the couch, while talking about next semester. Its our last semester before sophomore year. Mark, Eddy, Dylan, Mackie, and Luke are all planning to get a house close to campus to stay at, while I am just trying to find an apartment away from people. I'm not a people person that's for sure. It took me a while to get closes to Mark’s friends and his team. Luckily all of them love me. I’m like the team's little sister. Or at least that's what Mark tells me that's what they say. Mackie walks into the room with Luke by his side and says,” Y/n come on! We got somebody who wants to meet you!” Mackie’s hand sticks out inviting me to go with him. I grab his hand a let him lead me down the hall and out that back door to reach the backyard. I’m met with a man about 5’11 with brown hair and he’s wearing a Michigan basketball jersey. “Okay so y/n this is Will, Will this is y/n!” The brown-haired man sticks out his hand and I capture it. “ Me, Hughsey, and Mack are in the same Sports Management class. I saw how bad yall beat the absolute crap out of Duker and Nolan. I'm going to be completely transparent here. It was hot.” A blush crept onto my cheeks. “Um, thanks,” I respond. Damn an attractive guy just flirted with me and all I could say was “Um thanks”. I want to shake myself. “ Well I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go get coffee sometime?” Will asked me. “Sure I would love to!” I say back. He quickly grabs a pen out of his back pocket and grabs a napkin and starts to write something on it. Soon after he hands me the napkin with his number on it. A cute guy just gave me his number. Is this a dream? I sure hope not because I've never felt this good.”

Then Mark’s tall frame appears right next to me and says,” Hey y/n/n we should probably leave if we want to make it to town by 10 tomorrow.” I look at Mark and then at Will. Mark was right we were going back home for the weekend to see our families. “Oh yeah. We probably should.” I turn back towards Will and say,” It was nice meeting you! See you soon!” And grab Mark's hand and head out of the frat house.

Mark

What the hell. Are Mackie and Luke trying to piss me off?

That’s all I can think of, as I’m walking out of the frat party hand in hand with y/n. Mack and Luke tried setting her up with Will Martin. Fucking Will. Everyone knows his games. He will act like a great guy on the outside, but on the inside he’s a huge womanizer. So why the hell are they trying to set him up with y/n. They know what she means to me. How much I care for her. And yet they still did it. I make a mental note to get them back at practice.

As me and y/n make it to my car, she looks up at me and says,”Hey Stops you okay bud?” Stops. The nickname she gave me the first time we met. And somehow it stuck. I look at her soft relaxed face and sigh. “ Yeah I’m okay. Just tired you know.” Hopefully she buys my lame reply. She just nods and gets into the car. I follow, and crank the engine. “So who was that guy you were talking to?” I say acting like I didn’t care. “I don’t really know. Mack and Hughsey said he was in one of their classes. His name is Will, but that’s pretty much all I know. Oh and he plays basketball.” She says pretty nonchalantly. “Oh and he asked me out for coffee.” She says shyly. “Isn’t that a good thing?” I responded. She looks at me with glossy eyes and says,”Well I don’t really think it will work. I mean look at him and then look at me? I’m nowhere near his league.” What?!?! Is that what she thinks? Because I think a hell of a lot more than that. If anything she’s out of HIS league. I try to calm down before saying,” Y/n, no. I know you might not think it, but you're beautiful. Don’t let anyone make you feel differently. And also if anything you're out of his league. Not the other way around.” She looks at me and smiles,”Mark, I don't know what I’d do without you.” I’m pretty sure I’m blushing after her comment but I’m not going to look. I can’t have her knowing my feelings. She wouldn’t ever feel the same. I will be just the boy next door who was like a brother to her.

And it was painstakingly obvious. Basically our whole highschool knew. And just after two times of meeting y/n, all the guys here knew too. I’ll get chirped about it for probably the rest of my life. Mark Estapa, the guy with some of the most penalties in the big 10, is too scared to tell the girl he’s been in love with for 8 years that he loves her. And I do love her. Not like a friend, but more. But I know that she can’t say the same.

I think about her and Will, all the way back to my dorm room. Her small frame slowly follows from behind me, as we’re going down the dorm hallway. I open the door and she stalks her way in. She goes straight to my dresser and picks out an old storm shirt and a pair of sweats. “Can I wear these tonight?” She asked. “Of course. But be careful with the sweats, the drawstring is broken, might have to roll it a couple of times, shorty!” She gives me a glare before throwing a sock of the floor at me. “I’m not short, you're just huge!” She says. I give her a skeptical look. “Uh huh. Sure.” I say as I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I walk out she’s on my bed scrolling through her phone, not paying any attention at all, so I decide to jump right onto the bed. My actions cause her to almost fling off of the bed and right onto the floor. Lucky for her she doesn’t. She playfully slaps my chest and says,”So you think your funny Stops?” Uh yeah I do. I’m hilarious. I take off my sweat shirt and shoes and climb right next to her on the tiny ass twin bed. I grab her to pull her close. I take in her sweet smell and it reminds me of the hood she has on me. We’ve been snuggle buddies since we were 5. She and I kinda just did everything together for the first 3 years. We wouldn’t be able to sleep unless the other was next to us. It causes our parents some trouble, but who really cares? Not us, that's for sure. Over the years, after her Sunday movie nights we would either stay at her house or go to mine to sleep. It’s just been our thing. And once we got to college it happened more. Her roommate is definitely an interesting cat. She’s super sweet,but definitely not someone I would be able to hang out with for 8 hours a day. That’s why y/n comes to hang out with me and the guys. Eddy loves her like a little sister and the others treat her as one of us, so she’s always hanging with us. Nobody minds, we actually love the company. Me a little too much but I won’t tell her that. I get one good look at her beautiful y/c hair and y/c skin and drift off to sleep with the image of her in my mind.

Let me know how it was!!!!

Pt 2 ⬇️

[heartfeltletters-written]

Cam, or rather Aaric, huffs a laugh, a soft small appearing on his face, “missed you too” he his expression quickly changes when he narrows his eyes in suspicion “You don’t seem surprised”

CAM ILYSM

“May her soul be commanded to Malek” Nadine says in a low tone, just as she has done for every candidate that has fallen.

Keep it Nadine, we never know when you need it ;)

“I know exactly who you are.” Sloane spited, rage clear on her voice. “You killed my brother, he died because of you.”

Liam died because od a fucking venin and wyverns. Stop letting Bodhi fill you in Sloane.

“Ciaran is dead.” she simply states.

And I- Oop-

Dain steps up and starts his speech, it’s not as impactful as Xaden’s was last year, but maybe that’s because she was more scared of Xaden than she’ll ever be of Dain.

Dain is that nepo baby with the highest rank yet no respect from anyone.

She couldn’t avoid her feelings, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to. The least she could do was have fun with her friends.

MY BABY

When Sloane is called into her squad she makes a show out of it. “I’m not staying in the same squad as her.” Violet rolls her eyes, apparently, Liam’s sister is more spoiled than he ever was, Violet wonders how that came to be.

Keep your so called 'enemies' closer dumbass.

“For now, but if you keep going like this you’ll explode. No one is made of stone.” Imogen said in the softest tone Violet had ever heard coming out of her mouth.

Kids, we know life has been wrecked every single way and you have practically no hope left when Imogen is the one who starts giving you advice 👍

Even if none of them were with the right clothes to do so, they started to run.

*carrying an apple* VIOLET TAKE THIS- IT WILL HELP YOU KEEP NOLAN AWAY- WAIT FOR ME

Thank you so much <3

Cam has entered the scene !!!

Sloane is in her moody era also it's not Bodhi's fault she received a letter from the college explaining why he died (according to the lie they told) and who was with him and she saw the name Sorrengail and made it her life mission to hate her. at least thats my headcanon

Dain is def a nepo baby

When Imogen gives you advice you know you hit rock bottom like it cant get worse (except that it can?? maybe??) because she's terrible at talking feelings

lmao protect violet from nolon at all costs !!

[rainydayhues]

Chenford Week 2022 - Day 7

title: (they'll never) love you like i do

prompt: "can you please stop rolling your eyes" and "do we have to talk about our exes"

“Can you please stop rolling your eyes?”

“I’m not rolling my eyes.”

“Okay, then stop pouting.”

“I’m not pouting, I don’t pout.”

“Fine, then can you at least sit back, you’re too tense. Please.”

He flops back on the couch, irritated, uncomfortable and unable to get back into the relaxed position he’d been in before she dropped this particular bomb. 

The matter seemingly settled, she continues to flip through their streaming options. They needed a new mini series, something they could watch together between sports and true crime documentaries, something just for them. 

“I just don’t get it.” And here they go. 

“Tim, c’mon, it’s been a good day, okay. Don’t do this.” 

“Nolan? Seriously, Lucy, Nolan?”

She sighs for what seems like the umpteenth time, “yes, Tim, Nolan, John Nolan. And before you start up again, let me just remind you that you dated my friend and I’m not holding on to it, in fact, I never bring it up.”

“Lucy, you set me up with Rachel so that you could win a bet. This is not that and you know it.”

She did know it, it was petty of her to even bring it up. She wasn’t concerned about Rachel at all. In the moment, she’d known exactly what she was doing and she had no regrets. At the time, Tim had needed to get his confidence back and Lucy had needed out of those long sleeves. No regrets.

“Tim, you’re overreacting, come on.” It was a plea. One last try. They could end this right here. 

“Fine, Lucy, I get it, I’m dramatic, you’re evolved and couldn’t care less. Isabel….Rachel….Ashley - nothing about my past upsets you.”

And for anyone else, it would’ve been blink-and-you-miss-it. But Tim doesn’t usually miss things when it comes to Lucy. Which is exactly why he sees the subtle flinch at his most recent ex’s name and he’s sure he must be mistaken. Unless…

“Wait, seriously, you’re upset about Ashley?” 

The thing is, she could deny it. She could say no, make a glib comment and distract him (in more ways than one) to move on from this line of questioning. But that’s not who they are. They don’t hide things from each other (the Nolan thing was so far in the past, it didn’t even occur to her to bring that up sooner so it definitely doesn’t count). 

Besides, what would be the point? He knows her, he knows her in a way that no one else ever has and ever will. And sometimes that realization alone is enough to fill her with a deep seated sense of awe and content. Today, it just reminds her that she can’t and more importantly doesn’t want to hide anything from him. Which means she takes a deep breath and gets ready to address the feelings she hoped they wouldn’t ever need to revisit (not since they got together anyway). 

“It’s not about Ashley, not entirely anyway. I just - I think back to that time and what could’ve happened? Tim, I was sure you were going to marry her, I spent an entire day convinced that’s why you were going to Hawaii and then that fake parking lot proposal didn’t exactly help. It wasn’t a high point for me, you know?”

“Lucy, that was a joke, you know that. I didn’t - I wasn’t trying to hurt you, you have to know that.”

“No, Tim, it’s not that, you didn’t hurt me. I mean, sure, I was hurt but I know you - that’s not what you meant to do. It’s just, that was the moment that I thought I could maybe lose you. We’d be Sergeant and aide and maybe even friends but everything would’ve changed. I wasn’t ready for that - I wasn’t ready to lose you. I - I don’t think I’ll ever be.”

A beat of silence passes, Tim at a loss for words because he just hadn’t expected all of that. He knew being upset about Nolan was petty and his ego at play more than anything else. Truth be told, he wasn’t even that bothered, it’s not like thinking of Lucy and Nolan gave him a great pang of loss - somehow he knows it would’ve never lasted. But another part of him suddenly does remember seeing Chris Sanford and Lucy together; light, carefree and full of possibilities - making plans to meet families and what kind of future that implied. And sure, he hadn’t given serious thought to Lucy being engaged to someone else (she and Chris had petered out long before he ever could). But he’d never considered the possibility that she had thought about him actually engaged to someone else. 

It’s enough to jolt him out of his thoughts and grab her hand, intertwining their fingers with no plans on letting go. 

“It was never going to work out with anyone else, for either of us. I think a part of me had known that even when I was with Ashley and you were with Chris. And Lucy, I’m sorry you ever felt like you would lose me but that would’ve never happened because, look, I - I think we were always going to end up here, you know?” 

She knows he’s right. She’d known it then and she knew it now. Relationships aside, the idea of not having each other in their lives - it simply had never been an option. So why even waste a minute on this longer than they needed to?

“You knew we were always going to end up here? Sitting on your couch fighting about our exes?” she asks cheekily, tension slowly fading. 

“First of all, we’re not fighting. Second, do we have to keep talking about our exes?”

“I mean, I’d like to stop, maybe for good if you don’t mind?”

“Done. Now, anything else you’d like to do?”

Lucy wraps her arms around Tim’s shoulders, slowly pushing him to lay back on the couch, leaning in to press her lips to his, whispering, “I can think of a few other things.” 

[m3lzalz-honeybee-noble]

This article was a very interesting read. Anyone else spiraling and wondering in which episodes or moments in season 1 and 2 the writers’ minds went straight to… and Tim And Lucy kiss?

To kill time, if anyone wants to participate and offer their thoughts or ideas, please feel free to comment here, reblog, or create your own posts. You can tag me it you wish.

These may require some more thought and analysis, but here are some that come to mind for me:

Season 1: This is so hard, because there are so many tension filled scenes, but Tim and Lucy were just getting to know each other, Lucy was getting over her situationship with Nolan, and Season 1 Tim would NEVER. I couldn’t really think of a moment or scene that could’ve led straight to a kiss, but maybe the episode as a whole:

1x07 (Lucy confronts Tim outside of Isabel’s). I know, definitely too soon, but that tension and angst between them in that moment… GAH 🤤. You can’t convince me there wasnt a shift.

1x11 (Lucy gets stuck with a used needle; Thank you! For What? Doing my job?). If Lucy was as bold and confident then as she was in episodes 4x22 and 5x01, she would have sought comfort from Tim by kissing him.

1x14 (Plain Clothes Day)- The banter, Tim in plain clothes 😍, Tim’s discreet protection, loyalty and trust. I wouldn’t have blamed Lucy. I probably would have skipped her in line.

1x18 (Chenford paintball date)- their first unofficial date. A trophy kiss for their Team winning.

1x20 (Tim gets infected with deadly virus)- nothing like a NDE (Near Death Experience; any OA fans out there?), and fear of death, to put things in perspective. Their mutual comfort was chef’s kiss. The closed door being a literal barrier between them. Their last looks at each other, like no one else was in the room (a callback for episodes 5x03-5x04). I could see them running to each other embracing and kissing, a la Sydney and Vaughn (Alias).

Season 2: Oh this one was definitely much more easy. There are so many. This post is getting too long, so I’ll just name 6. I can do a part 2, for second half of the season

2x01 (Lucy confronts Tim about his mistreatment of her so far along; suicide ideation) - Lucy is at her best when she is assertive and stands her ground (🔥) -I could see a Tim apology that leads to a confession and 😘

2x02-(Lucy records audiobook for Tim): the time and thought Lucy put in, on top of the 8-12hr work shifts. That alone warranted a kiss of gratitude. Bonus: Tim was breathing, sleeping, eating, showering, exercising, and working with Lucy’s voice in his head, 24hrs a day. Some say he still listens to the audiobook, you know as a refresher course to being Sergeant 👀

2x03: (betting Lucy couldn’t find a partner for Tim; Lucy’s short sleeves victory): The flirting and invasion of each other’s personal space (boundaries non existent). 📢GET A ROOM📢

2x06 (missile crisis, end of the world): they chose to spend their last moments on earth with each other. Let’s end it with a kiss.

2x08 (Tim wouldn’t have gotten that stupid plaque if Lucy didn’t have his back; Thank you! For What? Doing my job? Part 2): She saved his picture on her Lock Screen! The first thing she sees when she goes to unlock her phone. They breathe each other’s air on that bench. Tim leaned in to her, while drinking his beer. Just kiss her!

2x10 (Introduction of Rosalind Dyer; Lucy meets acolyte Caleb): if Tim had offered to take Lucy out for that drink with another human, the sequence of events that followed never would have occurred, and the night would have ended with a kiss.

2x11 (Lucy’s Rebirth/ Reawakening )- including this because technically there was a kiss. A kiss of life. I could also see their hospital scene ending with a kiss if they weren’t interrupted and talked a little more.

2x12 (Tim keeps tabs on Lucy and gives Lucy her ring back): Both scenes had so many unspoken feelings/ unresolved, good tension. I can imagine if they hugged, it would have ended with 2 kisses.

Bonus: I won’t elaborate, that is unless you are not over this post and care to know more

Season 3:

3x06 (Lucy goes undercover as Nova, the first time)

3x09 (Lucy “fake” feelings confession, and Tim, heart eyes 😍, will miss riding with Lucy)

3x14 (Lucy undercover as Nova Part 2; Tim asks Lucy to Save him a Dance)

Season 4: Before 4x22

4x01: (Their first on screen HUG)

4x07: (first undercover together (please correct me if I’m wrong); Lucy 🎤 Tim up with wandering eyes, all the way down and up)

4x09 (Tim’s day of validation/ reflection/ retribution/ and Lucy’s Hug of Life)

4x12 (Lucy and Tim’s Date with 3rd and 4th wheel, Chrispy and Ashy; Personal Space, into the VOID you go)

4x18 (The collection of a debt that was owed… THE DANCE)

Season 5: Manifesting First REAL Kiss:

5x08 (Lucy and Tim riding together again for the first time, after a long hiatus, pun intended)

[hojiteaversion]

all those years, they were here first

(leo x laia, and the group | 1034 words | fluff and humor | on ao3)

"Would you kill me, my love? After everything we've been through? Me, the future mother of your children?"

“I cannot believe,” Vlad said, arms crossed, “you just pulled the ‘mother of your children’ card.”

“Shut up, Dracula." He was just being a pissy baby because he was the first one to be eliminated.

On the other side of the fake boulder, Leo snorted. Laia would like to say he looked as ridiculous as the rest of them did in the fake military apparel, but it was Leo. Somehow, the dull camouflage pattern and the stuffy helmet made him look almost dangerous. She was sure she and Vlad, in comparison, looked like the You’re disrespecting— You’re disrespecting a future US Army soldier kid.

"Oh, last name basis, is it? I'm your oldest friend," Vlad said.

Laia knew what Leo would say before he even opened his mouth. “Oldest, alright.”

“Focus, Nolan. She can't be up to anything good.” Vlad motioned at her, increasingly agitated. Also irritated was the referee on the other side of the field, who was probably only letting Vlad’s blatant rule-breaking slide because 1) he wasn’t paid enough for this, and; 2) Vlad’s death glare still looked scary to those who didn’t know he was actually a dork.

“Me?” Laia batted her eyes at them. “I’m the paragon of virtue.”

Even with the helmet, Laia could see Leo trying not to laugh.

“Right, she definitely has a plan,” her boyfriend said, not taking his eyes — or his gun — off her. She made sure to keep hers trained on him as well.

Technically, there was nothing stopping them from shooting. If they wanted, the game could end right now.

The problem, as Noe would put it, was that they were both idiots who liked each other too much. So here they were, guns pointed at each other and no further action taken. Shooting him and winning would be nice, but in many ways, she liked this better.

“I’m gonna give you one more chance,” Leo said, trying to pretend he wasn’t enjoying this as much as she was.

“To what? Shoot you? Then get your gun out of the way.”

“To surrender. Do it now and no one needs to get hurt.”

“Funny! I was about to say the same thing.”

Vlad sighed, loud and effectively signaling I didn’t come back after 600 years to witness more of your bullshit without any words (which, by the way, was a lie. He loved their bullshit).

“You have nothing over me,” Leo continued.

“But I could be over you later if you just gave up now.”

Leo failed miserably in his attempt to suppress a smile.

“Seduction. The desperate man’s tactic.”

“Bet I can make it work, though. You know how well I can beg.”

“Right.” Vlad exaggeratedly rolled his eyes. “I’m truly out this time.”

From the corner of her eye, Laia could see when his scowl became a frown. “Wait, wher—”

BANG! BANG!

Laia saw Leo’s shocked face before she processed the cold, sticky feeling on the side of her torso. Slowly, they both turned to look.

And there Sandra was, waving cheerfully at them with her gun. The mark of betrayal was scorched onto Leo’s and Laia’s sides in dull yellow paint. In a way, it was almost romantic, how their demise mirrored each other’s.

“Piss off, Sandra,” Leo said.

“Hey! Don’t be mean to her just because you lost.”

“You lost too!”

“But I never expected to win.”

Sandra’s smile was serene as she watched them bicker, and she turned to Vlad. “Tip for next time: plan for their idiocy. Use it to your advantage.”

Vlad made that face he did when he was pretending he wasn’t pissed; crossed his arms again. “I have known them for longer than you have.”

Sandra, who did know Vlad was more harmless than a baby unicorn, just laughed. Patted his cheek like she would a kitten mid-temper tantrum. “Don’t worry, grandpa. It’s normal to lose your edge with the years.”

Vlad seemingly couldn’t find words. Despite the loss, this day was turning out to be great.

In the meantime, Laia took off that disgusting helmet, pretending she didn’t see the referee die inside, and went to her boyfriend. He, despite everything, still welcomed her with open arms.

“So we were both defeated.” He kissed her forehead, her temple; rested his face on the crook of her neck. “Where do we go from here? How do we move on from the terrible, hurtful things we’ve said to each other, huh?”

She tried — and failed — not to laugh.

“Well, not all of it was a loss. I wasn’t lying when I said I would be happy to beg.”

His hand gripped her waist a little tighter.

“Well, if it’ll make you happy—”

“Get out! All of you get out!” The referee shouted. When Laia looked up, she saw his gaze, disgusted, settled on Leo’s hand near her ass. “This is a family-friendly establishment, for fuck’s sake!”

And so they were expelled from paintball.

“I don’t know that I liked this game,” Vlad complained as soon as they were outside. His scowl reminded her of when he was younger. Whenever he brooded like this, Laia understood why Aslan had called him his wolf cub. She snorted; hurried up to him and linked her elbow to his before kissing his cheek.

“Don’t be such a sore loser, Vladdy.”

“Vladdy—”

Leo took his other elbow, then offered his free one to Sandra as well.

“So, ice cream for the losers?” Sandra offered, smiling beatifically. “My treat.”

Vlad rolled his eyes again, a little less grumpy now that he was surrounded by his favorite people. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

Laia turned to Leo to ask, “What places has Vlad yet to try? Have you guys gone to that new one on 11th Street?”

And the four of them lazily made their way there. It was the kind of thing Laia was both used to and still deferential towards: the four of them together, at peace, free to be stupid and happy. She would never take it for granted, and so she savored every precious, ordinary moment.

It was a great day.

[zerochanges]

My 2022 Media Binge Reviews

I find myself somewhat circling the drain during the year of 2022, I don’t want to say I was repeating the same year as 2021, but I also can’t exactly say I was doing much differently. I think both years were hard on me but in some different yet similar ways. I still work the same job I hate and my anxiety has still gotten the better of me in a lot of the same old ways, but also new exciting ways! The older I get the more it feels like essays like these always say “well blank year was a hard year” so I don’t want to say that anymore but it’s hard not to want to complain about a year’s worth of troubles all the same. 

Last year I was really able to overcome some grief in my personal life by finally taking the plunge and getting through Twin Peaks, a series that for years I wanted to finish but never got past the first season. It was incredible, and made a lasting profound impact on me. And this year honestly just saw me chasing that high in a lot of ways. I think the general theme of a lot of media I consumed was “Twin Peaks-like”. Sadly nothing seems like it will ever scratch that itch for me. I guess that just goes to show how unique and incredible Twin Peaks was—but at the very least I think some of the most fun I had this year was chasing that high all the same. 

American Psycho

This year finally saw me getting around to watching American Psycho in its entirety. Now I've seen it plenty of times on TV in bits and pieces. I’ve caught parts of it, and generally knew the whole gist of the movie, but honestly I don’t think I ever watched it from start to finish before. The internet is obsessed with this movie, the memes alone it spawned are everywhere, which honestly kind of finally got me to get around to it. 

It’s easy to see why the internet would become so enamored with a movie like this, Christian Bale gives such an incredible performance as the lead, putting so much energy and life into Patrick Bateman that almost every frame of the movie he is in feels like it should be hung up in some meme museum. I’m old enough to still remember when he was cast as Batman in the Nolan trilogy and the consensus was “how the heck can the murderer from American Psycho be one of the best superheroes ever?” It’s funny to me to see the argument flipped to “wow I can’t believe Batman was such a good murderer in this movie.”

But beyond the incredible cathartic violence, and over-the-top performances there is definitely a very scathing view of the American lifestyle and capitalist hellscape we are all trapped in nowadays that much like I mentioned in my anime list with Kaiji seems far more relevant today than ever before. 

Dune x3

This year for me was the year of the Dune. With the new movie coming out near the end of 2021 I finally got around to grabbing it on blu-ray, and while I was at it I just couldn’t resist grabbing everything else too. I got Dune opinions, and they are about as crazy as you would expect from a hipster like me. So let’s talk about the three Dunes.

Jodorowsky's Dune, this 2013 documentary is all about the failed Dune movie that never was by visionary and art film auteur Alejandro Jodorowsky. Jodorowsky may not be a household name so just to get a little preamble out of the way, the man has made some of the damn craziest films around—and his breakout 1970 ‘acid westerner’ El Topo is considered by many film historians to be one of the first Midnight Movies, starting a much believed trend for cinephiles the world over. 

Towards the end of 1974 the man attempted what was at the time thought impossible by adapting Dune into a movie and he developed a variable dream team of auteurs and creative talent to do it, which he called his ‘warriors’; many of said warriors would go on to become absolute legends of the industry while many were already legends. Jodorowsky’s Dune was the very first film that ever saw acclaimed legend H. R. Giger worked on a film for example, and beloved French artist Moebius did a ton of art designs for the project. It was truly a melting pot, almost like a mini ‘scene’ of its own that brought together an unbelievable amount of extremely talented people. It’s honestly not a stretch to say that without Jodorowsky’s failed attempt at Dune that there would be no Alien, there’d be no Star Wars, there’d be no science fiction as we know it today in American cinema. 

Jodorowsky’s vision really only ever saw the original novel as a jumping off point of inspiration, the man himself never even reading the book. What he sought to create was both incredibly dense science fiction and incredibly philosophical spiritualism. The end of his proposed Dune movie honestly gives me chills, and hell if I don’t want to steal that idea for myself. 

It’s hard to say what the finished project would have been like, Jodorowsky’s own ambitions and artistic vision is what killed the project, trying to turn it into a 10 hour epic of a movie! I often wonder why they just couldn’t make it into an animated series when that failed. I mean they had Moebius right there! But perhaps it was for the best. The failure of the movie saw incredible talent shift to the four corners of the wind and go on to create incredible work of their own in cinema. When it comes to lost or unmade media there’s a mysticism about it; “if only we could have experienced it”, and I think that’s half of what makes it so good. If it was real, who knows how good it might have been, in a way I am glad I got to be fascinated by this best movie never made.

Now let’s get to my hot take and just say it, David Lynch���s 1984 Dune is so much better than Denis Villeneuve’s 2021 Dune. There I said it! 

Okay, please give me a minute to explain. Denis Villeneuve’s Dune is by far a much better made movie that has a better reverence for the source material and overall makes for a grander and more easily digestible sci-fi film that finally accomplices the dream started in 1974 by Jodorowsky to create something great out of Dune. It’s just that it’s just another good movie. Honestly a lot of good movies already exist. So yes I think for the normal person this is the one, watch this Dune and enjoy, but for hipster’s David Lynch’s Dune is where it is at!

Lynch himself hates the movie, it crushed his spirit and the man calls it the biggest sell out of his career. Yet I think it somehow is something special. The film is easily gorgeous and out-there levels of weird which I think is important for Dune, and is something Villeneuve’s film lacks in a lot of ways. The fight scenes are satisfying and action packed in Villeneuve’s film, making for a great Hollywood movie experience … but is that Dune? Honestly I think I like Lynch's extremely awkward and poorly executed bumbling drunk sad sack fights more. Those honestly feel way more like Dune. People flying around and spin kicking hundreds of dudes in the face is great, but I’ll take two dudes awkwardly dancing around each other while big blocky Minecraft shields glow over their bodies. Now this is my Dune, baby. 

There’s something surreal in both the execution and visuals in Lynch’s take on the material that simply vibes with me more. Had the movie been cut properly by Lynch and not butchered by executives to sell the maximum amount of tickets, had it got the chance to be the longer length or two movies that Lynch wanted, I think it would be a much more beloved cult sci-fi film today. 

In conclusion, I think Dune is an awesome story and great material to really get weird with, and honestly it’s pretty cool that there’s a lot of out-there interpretations to be enjoyed today. 

One Piece

2022 saw me return to One Piece once again and picking up right where I left off after binging through Thriller Bark to Punkhazard in 2021. While I didn’t watch nearly as much as last year it almost feels like I did, as I was able to finish both Dressrosa and Zou before the year’s end. Now Dressrosa is such a dense and huge story arc that took up many months of my year. This arc being a whopping 118 episodes long is honestly just flat out ridiculous, this one story arc is longer than most anime! For those who might need a reminder, the entirety of Yu Yu Hakusho is 112 episodes long, Dressrossa is 118 and in-story the vast majority of it all takes place over a single day! 

This is by and large the most ambitious writing Oda has ever attempted by this point in One Piece and it pays off in dividends as so much truly happens and the entire series as a whole really starts to show a lot of its hand. This is what the entire post time-skip One Piece since Fishman Island has really been leading into. Luffy’s little journey from a boy with a dream is truly maturing into a fearless and brave leader able to sway incredibly powerful cohorts to stand up alongside him against an all powerful and corrupt uncaring world government that is far more preoccupied with keeping its status quo and image than the lives of those they govern. Oda is able to create a venerable army for which Luffy to one day lead on his quest to become King of the Pirates, so many interesting and just plain fun characters are able to stand up not just as new game pieces on the board to lose to show how strong the enemy is but as honest to god equals to our protagonists and are able to hold their own against the villains alongside Luffy and his crew. 

We learn more about the world and see Luffy take on easily his biggest fight yet against DoFlamingo, a character that has easily been hyped up for what, like 500 or something episodes? And just wow, what a villain, DoFlamingo is easily one of the most interesting and compelling characters in the series and just a straight up horrifying monster of a human being, if you can even call him that. Which is great because Luffy has another trick up his sleeve, Fourth Gear. I had seen it before online, being an anime fan means it’s impossible not to get One Piece spoilers but I don’t think I ever appreciated Fourth Gear until now that I’ve seen it in action. This new form is just incredible and so well made. It shows so much creativity from Oda and I love how BIG it is! Anime protagonists nowadays just keep getting hotter when they power up, even the new Dragon Ball series see Goku becoming increasingly prettier, I really missed this. Luffy gets thicc in Fourth Gear, this is what I want, go all out, just have fun being a cartoon again, let dudes have muscles on top of muscles–and no neck while you’re at it. Give these boys just ridiculous proportions, let’s make even Liefeld shiver. Bring back the beefcake.  

Luffy didn’t have all the fun either, I think Franky had one of the best fights in the whole series when he went up against Senior Pink, a bare knuckles, no hold barred, man to man slug fest that easily goes on for something like 30 episodes straight of just two manly son of bitches beating the ever loving fuck out of each other. Zoro fighting Picca sees our greatest swordsman to be taking on perhaps one of the most insane action set pieces One Piece ever had. And then there’s great moments with the new characters like Bartolomeo and Cavendish and oh yeah, did I mention Luffy’s thought to be dead brother Sabo shows up and utterly steals the show for a good portion of the arc? The appearance of Sabo in the story utterly wrecked me. I cried when Luffy was able to see him again, it was such a beautiful reunion.

Dressrosa is truly an epic as far as anime storytelling goes but Zou also somehow delivers so much too and in general that later half of Dressrosa and almost all of Zou really proves that One Piece is able to carry so much forward momentum and still be able to go places even 700 episodes in. The plot has never been more interesting, the goal has never felt more obtainable, and the fun is still there. Right now I am about a quarter of the way through Whole Cake Island and trying to finish it too before my Funimation subscription runs out. I have a month to go but I think I can make it. Wish me luck/

Orpheus (1950)

In my quest to relive the emotions Twin Peaks gave me I watched Jean Cocteau’s 1950 French film Orpheus. Now the film is a (then contemporary) modern reinterpretation of the Greek myth of Orpheus and Eurydice in modern day Paris. I’ll be real with you guys, I knew jack shit about Orpheus when I watched this, to me Orpheus was just “the master of strings” in Persona 3 so even now I can’t tell you if they did a great job transposing the story to modern day, but I can say what Jean Cocteau accomplishes in this film is nothing short of stunning. The surreal atmosphere and cinematography is easily breathtaking while the plot balances both being playful and light while also dealing with dense topics like love and suicide. 

It’s easy to see why Jean Cocteau is a legendary film creator and why David Lynch considers this film such an inspiration to him. A lot of visuals very much so look like prototypes of what he would later go on to do in Twin Peaks specifically, even down to the iconic Black Lodge. But this isn’t just some Twin Peaks prototype, it’s definitely a damn fine masterclass piece of cinema, definitely worth a watch for its own merits. I would say the shot of the film that stayed with me truly throughout all year was when Orpheus and Heurtebise walk through the world of death, it is something I think about often.

Planet of the Apes (1968)

I’ve seen the original Planet of the Apes when I was a lot younger, and pretty much that was about it. Growing up the movie was parodied and paid homage to in everything from other movies and TV shows to the cartoons I saw as a kid. It’s easy to think of all those parodies and see the remake and the modern reimagined trilogy and think the original is just plain bad but no! It holds up insanely well. I was surprised to see just how good it still is. This is such an iconic science fiction classic and so much has to do with how sharp the writing is, the incredible acting of Charleston Heston, and yes, that legendary twist ending. I implore you, rewatch the first Apes film, you won’t regret it.

Sonic the Hedgehog 2

I thought the first Sonic the Hedgehog movie in 2020 was a cute well made kid’s movie with just enough material for adults to enjoy thanks to Jim Carrey’s performance as Eggman elevating the material. But the sequel oh boy, this is legit the best video game movie I ever seen. This film captures the spirit and tone of the Sonic franchise perfectly. It’s a love letter to the entirety of Sonic the Hedgehog and just a damn fun action adventure. All the characters feel much better utilized and written, with even the human sidekicks like James Marsden’s character having a lot more to do and better material to work with. I had never seen so much reverence for classic Sega video games on the screen before outside of other video games than this movie, and it truly felt like my childhood was coming to life in ways I never imagined before. 

Sonny Boy

This year saw me finally getting around to watching Shingo Natsume’s original 2021 anime Sonny Boy. This was a critical darling of the Fall 2021 anime season when it aired but having been burned on so many “deep” anime that weren’t I was weary of it during that time—and not to mention busy and never got around to it. I heard so much praise for almost a solid year though and it seemed utterly visually and narratively interesting so I finally cracked and watched it. Glad I did, it was a rare example of something living up to its praise. 

Actually I got to be straight with you, here’s another piece of media that I honestly only watched because I desperately was begging to feel what I felt when I watched Twin Peaks last year. Sonny Boy is nowhere near that though but somehow is. It’s completely different but delivers a similarly dense and visually fascinating world. The music being done entirely by indie groups gives the entire atmosphere of the show a homemade feeling to it—the emotional core is often tinged with this sense of raw emotions that feel free from the corporate mainstream often overly produced music in most anime. Together with insanely complex visuals and free moving animation that isn’t stiff or obsessed with staying on model and we got something that just stimulates all the right sectors of my brain. And damn if I can’t stop listening to the tracks even now. 

I guess what I want to say is I came for the Twin Peaks comparisons, I stayed for the depression and how beautifully the show paints the futility of life and what death means in a meaningless world. Watch Sonny Boy, while praised during its airing the show almost seems totally forgotten about. You’ll probably have a good cry while doing so, but it will make you feel truly alive.

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2

Okay, this is another example of me knowing all about this movie because of the internet. There are so many clips and memes about this movie that I have obtained endless enjoyment out of but I never actually watched the movie properly. This year I decided it was finally time and on Christmas Eve, I watched the legend, and my God: Best. Christmas. Movie. Ever. I think I found a new Christmas tradition that I am going to do every year. This movie is downright hilarious, the memes don’t even do it justice, you have to experience the whole thing in context, it’s even somehow funnier that way. In all the best ways. 

Eric Freeman’s acting is legit something I wish I could emulate. I want a whole movie or video game of just people going as hard as Eric Freeman in full earnest and not trying to ham it up. His screen presence is so funny, so magnanimous, so scene stealing, I can’t even breathe every time the camera focuses on him, I am utterly out of breath laughing every millisecond, on the floor gasping for air on the verge of death, but I can’t stop laughing. I just can’t help but love the movie even more as every minute passes. 

And the story behind how the movie was made is even fascinating. If you get the blu-ray like I had to of course go out and find a way to buy it after watching it, there’s a great documentary on how the whole thing came to be. What started as a way to just re-edit the movie Silent Night Deadly Night so they could release it again and make more money turned into a passion project by the editor now turned director Lee Harry which is why he’s credited as both the director and editor of the movie. Harry took the old footage from the movie, turned it into flashbacks and made it into a sequel by shooting new footage. They honestly took a legit and serious slasher movie and turned it into the best comedy ever made. As far as I am concerned you don’t even need to watch the original Silent Night Deadly Night, just see all of it in Part 2’s flashbacks and bask in Eric Freeman’s life changing performance. 

Stalker (1979)

Andrei Tarkovsky probably needs no introduction for film buffs but let’s just say for the uninitiated much like what I said about Alejandro Jodorowsky above this Soviet filmmaker is another auteur artist that is beloved in the world of cinema and leave it at that now because this list is already much too long as it is. Stalker is the first film of his I watched and one I wanted to see for many, many years—and one I only finally saw now because of my damn insistent pursuit of relieving the emotions Twin Peaks gave me. 

Stalker a 1979 Soviet made science fiction film based on a 1971 novel Roadside Picnic which depicts a guide or Stalker taking two individuals through an incredibly dangerous location that is closed off to the public where extraterrestrials had once landed one night and left the next known as the Zone. The story fascinates me on so many levels because of my love of sci-fi, this thought that strange alien life interacted with a place on earth and left it so tangled up, so hard to navigate that common sense need not apply, that you have to go up to go down, you have to walk backwards to get forward, that at any moment some terrible curse could afflict you, that something you did upset the order of this strange land, that expert guides exist in this shady black market underground to take people on tours through it, and many traverse this illegal Zone because of the rumors of a room within it that can grant any wish your heart desires. How can I not want to see it? This is my kind of sci-fi. What I got … was something much different.

I was expecting this sci-fi epic, instead it’s very much almost not present. It’s more about the passage of time, what it means to be alive, the place of religion in the world, the meaning of living in a meaningless world, if there is any magic left to be had in a world where we understand so much thanks to science. The Stalker and the outlawed area of the Zone almost seems like reverence for magic that used to exist, an old world point of view that can still look to the stars and see Gods instead of just clusters of hot space gas. Stalkers with their silly rules; their going backwards to go forward seem like nothing more than that silliness, something modern people don’t need to do anymore. The Stalker in the film is often undermined by his two clients who constantly push their luck and break tons of rules he tells them not to. At its core it seems like a struggle between wanting to believe there’s something special in this life, and being a skeptic. 

I wanted a sci-fi epic instead I got an artsy fartsy film that drinks way too much depresso espresso. Yet the magic of Tarkovsky’s film stays in my mind. The emotions I felt, the long shots that border on almost trolling you with boredom, they stay in your very soul. I still see the beauty of the undisturbed Zone when I close my eyes, the clearness of that water, and the magic of the bird disappearing into the dunes. The ending speech about time and what it means to all of us living from the Stalker’s wife, I hear it play back in my mind from time to time. 

This isn’t really great sci-fi, I wanted to hammer that home to anyone listening, so your expectations aren’t all wrong like mine. But this is an incredible film that uses some very light sci-fi window dressing to convey incredibly complex emotions behind living in modernity. I recommend it a lot to anyone who can handle that fact. 

El Topo, Holy Mountain, and Santa Sangre—or how I fell in love with that weird Chilean Movie Guy

Let’s get back to Alejandro Jodorowsky as he was a big figure in my 2022 media. It started with the documentary about his attempt at making a Dune movie in the 70’s but after that I had to know more about the man. This visionary auteur who took Dune and made this insanely almost religious spiritual epic in space, now this dude sounds incredible. Also holy crap it turns out David Lynch was a fan of his work too and you can easily find a lot of his work being repeated in Twin Peaks. Uh-oh, you know what that means, right? Yup, let’s keep this pursuit up, boys. 

We’re starting with the 1970 ‘acid western’ El Topo, since I still have yet to see his first film 1968’s Fando y Lis (although I do have it, I just have yet to work up the courage to play it thanks to its infamy). El Topo is easily what truly started his career on the world wide scene and not just in Mexico where he started out, it was a movie that would become insanely influential to many creative talents from the Beetles to Suda51; in fact No More Heroes is almost a complete remake/reimagining of it but anime. 

This western is no simple cowboy movie, it’s spiritual and just all out bonkers. It almost feels like two movies stitched together too. The first half sees El Topo, or “The Mole”, as this badass gunslinger taking down the four greatest gunslingers in the desert who are almost guru-like, in order to claim the title of the best gunslinger and spiritual enlightenment all so he can lay with some bodacious babe. He however fails at this and dies, only to be resurrected as some religious savior to a village of deformed people that live underground, and as a new man he tries to rescue the village and lead them to prosperity. 

This film is weird, and like yeah, bonkers. The two halves are almost completely different movies yet somehow they work really well together. I think the first half is easily the part most people really will enjoy while the second can easily lose you. All that said though this is the film that easily got me excited for more from Jodorowsky.

1973’s The Holy Mountain seemed like a slam dunk, the movie about an alchemist training a thief that broke into his Tower to be his protégé then taking on seven wisemen with him to ascend a legendary mountain to find the secret of immortality is the insane kind of bullshit I want in my veins. It’s a … that is to say it’s … the thing about The Holy Mountain is … well I hope you like drugs. So yeah, hard to believe but El Topo, the acid western, was made sober, while Jodorowsky decided to really, how do you say, “expand his mind” , on his next film and it shows because I think you need to be on drugs to fully enjoy this one.

The film has an incredible beginning and an absolutely incredible ending with an insanely good and thought provoking twist at the very end but the middle is very meandering. The scene where the Alchemist introduces his seven wisemen just goes on for like ever. They pretty much stop the plot for a solid 50 minutes just to show vignettes about each of these characters and they are all very good, and interesting, and some insanely funny, but like bruh, the movie is just dead in its tracks for at least half its runtime to introduce characters that essentially just stand in the background after their introduction and that’s it. 

As I said the ending is truly something special and that I cannot elaborate on because if it’s spoiled for you I can confirm it kind of ruins the whole movie. Yeah I knew the ending spoiler before I watched it and that just really took the wind out of my sails. I loved the beginning of the film to bits, the middle just would never end its nonstop barrage of introductions for what turn out to be NPCs, then the ending I spoiled, it was a boring experience for me. 

Don’t spoil the ending, and I promise the dragging middle will be worth it. Probably.

1989’s Santa Sangre or Holy Blood, is probably Jodorowsky’s most mainstream and easily digestible film. I’d also say maybe because it was his at the time most recent work, the film that David Lynch took the most inspiration from when he made Twin Peaks. If you watch some scenes in this one back-to-back with certain Twin Peaks scene, it’s definitely obvious what Lynch was watching at the time. Because of this I say it’s the movie of Jodorowsky I can recommend the most, it’s definitely the favorite of his I have seen so far. Hell I’d go as far as to say one of my favorite movies I ever seen.

Santa Sangre follows Fenix, a young man in a mental ward, and shows the story of his life and how he came to be in such a place. Fenix grew up in the circus, his father a womanizing drunk knife thrower and his mother a trapeze artist and also a devout Christian that runs her own crazy offshoot cult of Christ. It’s a fascinating childhood and the imagery is striking. It’s visceral and a wild ride but also something I have to tiptoe around and not explain a lot about. The movie is best experienced knowing very little about it. There’s a very apt comparison that can be made to a certain famous movie, film critics often call it “The Mexican version of [said famous movie]” and I wholly agree, but my God if you know said famous movie’s name that spoils way too much! Classic, film critics ruining film again. 

I highly recommend this one despite almost bending over backwards to deny you too many of my thoughts on it. There are so many scenes that if I close my eyes I still see. The music is fantastic, the scene where Fenix plays piano is easily a stand out moment of cinema. This is the life story of one man I think you simply must experience. 

Vinland Saga

The 2019 first season of Vinland Saga finally came out this year on special edition blu-ray and after waiting what felt like a lifetime I couldn’t be happier to begin my rewatch of the show. I know Sentai released their dubbed version of it back a year prior but I adored Vinland so much I wanted to wait for the special edition and I definitely felt it was worth the wait, as the poster proudly still is on my wall and I am never taking it down. When it comes to Vinland itself I will be brief and say it’s a fantastic anime, and one of the best the year it came out. I mainly just want to talk about this Sentai release which I found to be stellar, the special edition was of very high quality, like I said I love the cloth poster, and I very much enjoyed their dub. I thought the writing was much more naturalistic than the Netflix produced dub with better dialogue flow as well as being just dirty enough in the way Sentai usually is by sprinkling in some tasty F-bombs that most other dubbing studios would shy away from. I enjoyed how accurate it was, as an actual historian with a degree in this stuff it always drives me mad to see so much mainstream entertainment go for the bottom of the barrel easiest to understand AD over using Common Era, so I was glad Sentai used it. Also actually pronouncing the Nordic names correctly where the Netflix dub hilariously butchers all of them is a nice touch too. 

Wild Palms

Wild Palms in a 1993 mini series that followed in the wake Twin Peaks mania. It’s very obvious how much the series wants to be Twin Peaks and often shows up in a lot of comparisons to it. It never quite reaches those heights however. Twin Peaks’ own mastery of mystery and otherworldly feeling just evades this production at every step but where it succeeds is capturing the other more humble aspect that made Twin Peaks great, the soap opera-like cast. It feels very much at home with the out-there and over-the-top quirky characters and I think is one of the best productions to capture that tone of the original first two seasons of the series. It probably helps that it was a Twin Peaks inspired production that was actually made during that 90’s era where soaps were still king on TV. 

Where Wild Palms differs however is how the plot is far more science fiction based and often attempts to juggle complex conspiracies about religious and political leaders and it stumbles at times but by the end is able to actually pull off a fairly interesting story. Sadly the biggest hurdle is maybe the funniest thing. The series stars Jim Belushi and I’m sorry, he gives a great performance in a dramatic role of a father and businessman trapped in some crazy far right religious cult taking over corporate America through the mass media. 

But it’s Jim Belushi, he has such an iconic and recognizable comedic voice and presence that it can be downright hilarious in really unintentional ways. Jim Belushi’s son in the series, an evil genius child, also suffers a lot from this because … it’s a very young Ben Savage. Yes, Cory Mathews is in some Shin Megami Tensei like end of days cult in this. And you know Ben Savage does an excellent job, you can see why he would become a lead in Boy Meets World after this, even as a child he’s a great actor, but it’s Cory Mathews, in a seat of power, in a cult that is trying to take over the world. 

So yeah, the casting is kind of ironically funny today in 2023, especially for millennials, but the series does run a lot of great ideas and by the end of this short 5 episode mini series I was hooked. Some of the dream sequences are downright incredible and almost feel like they could have occurred in the Black Lodge, it’s definitely where the series cribs a lot of its ideas from Twin Peaks.

The Wind-up Bird Chronicles

If you know me personally you know I have an absolute obsession with the hit indie RPG called YIIK: A Postmodern RPG. Yes, truly a masterpiece that is beyond the understanding of a normal human being. Okay, enough snide, YIIK is a downright meme but it fascinates me endlessly. I spent so many years of my life reading about it and watching videos on it, and seeing playthroughs of it. Maybe one day I’ll actually play it … although I don’t think I’m that crazy. It’s a bad game but there’s a lot of creative ideas behind it and I want to say the creators’ commitment to their art is praise worthy, I have nothing but respect for Brain and Andrew Allanson and I mean this sincerely. They messed up, big time, but they created something with all their heart, they shouldn’t be made fun of for that. 

Andrew Allanson the writer of YIIK is a huge book nerd, and often cites Haruki Murakami novels as his big inspiration with his 1994 novel The Wind-up Bird Chronicles as the biggest. And it shows, having read it now because of my YIIK obsession yeah, so many of the best and most creative ideas I thought were in YIIK are definitely just from this novel. That isn’t meant as a insult though, if anything like me questing to see all of David Lynch’s inspirations for Twin Peaks it just shows the creative process, we are the media we consume, and in turn we take that and turn it into our own thing. 

[abyssal-zone-stares-back]

Best Served Sweet

Murdock x F/Murderer!Reader

Not beta’d, we die like Murdock’s victims

Warnings - Mentions of murder, poisonings

Another day, another murder.

Your parents passed away when you were little; so it's just been you and your grandma ever since you could remember. She had a business selling fruit and such on the side of the road.

It's a relatively small town so everyone knows everyone. Your grandmother, well, she held grudges. So much so that she had a list of people. She talked about them in a bad light so much that you started to dislike them too.

Hubert Pickett who bagged at the grocers, Raymond McCullough the town vet, Marguerite Sullivan who always bought a blueberry pie on the Saturdays you had them, and more.

Once, when you were around 15? 16 perhaps, Vernon Calderon was found dead in his house. They still aren't sure what happened and it's been years since but you know. You didn't know then but you know now.

When your grandmother decided you were old enough to know, she gave you a leather-bound book. Clasping her hands around yours and telling you the stories. Not the ones you've heard before, not the grudges, but the revenge.

Vernon? She sold him poisoned milk a few days prior. She fed a cow white snakeroot, the same stuff that supposedly killed Abraham Lincoln's mom the same way. Almost a year later, when she felt it was safe, Vicki May, the girl that bullied you in middle school? Deadly nightshade pie.

Leonard Douglas, Stanley Rose, Phyllis Nolan and so many more? Gone by your grandmother's hand. And no one suspected her. After all, who would suspect the local, sweet, little old lady of poisoning people? And if she did get caught? Well, she could just say she didn't know that the plants were poisonous. 

Not a solid defense, just don't get caught you suppose. Before she died, she taught you all she learned. What plants had what poison. What the effects were. How to integrate them into the foods she makes.

You don’t have very many grudges. But it doesn’t mean that you can’t continue what your grandmother started does it? And after the last name’s crossed off? Well, maybe, just a few more murders wouldn’t hurt, it was fun. Gave you a feeling of power.

After all, who would suspect the kind girl who ran the fruit stand all by herself since her grandma passed away? Not Karen, who was currently holding one of your jars of experimental honey. You smiled at her, and she forced one back.

She turned away to her car, dropping her smile. You still held yours, even though no one was around and she couldn't see you. That honey? Made with the pollen of rhododendron bushes. A very toxic plant.

Another day, another murder.

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Another murder, another town.

Murdock ran a gloved hand over his face. It’s always the same, staying at a rented home or just a hotel to hide. It’s ok for a while. Then the itch arrives. The itch to kill. To murder. To feel the slide of a knife along flesh. To watch it peel back and bleed.

He used to ignore it. Shove it to the back of his mind and hope it goes away. But he always gave in. And after a while, he just stopped ignoring it.

Giving in, greeting the itch like an old friend. Stalking someone, watching, learning their routine, before finally killing them.

His prey's last scream still played in his mind as he started up his car. He might stop at the fruit stand he saw on the way “home”. For a job well done.

The sun was just starting to go down, barely below the horizon, when he pulled up. You were placing a box in the back of your truck. Turning around you jumped slightly when you saw him approaching.

“Oh hello, I was just about to pack up for the night.” He must have startled you. Murdock smiled, starting to look through the items for sale. “You seem to be packing up quite early.” He commented. You leaned your elbows on the table. “It is still fairly light out, but with all the murders, you never know who could be a killer.”

Murdock looked up at that, finding your eyes. “No, you don’t,” Interesting. “I never really get people this late.” You were saying. “So I’m used to packing up early.” “Well, I suppose I’ll have to show up this late again.” He found himself replying as he picked up an apple, turning it in his gloved hands.

“Red delicious, matches. I wouldn't mind, unless you never buy anything.” He looked at you again, noticing your smile. Ah, you’re joking. “I might not,” He handed you the apple. “But not today, how much?” 

“A dollar fifty.” You replied. “A bag?” “No, thank you.” Handing you the money he looked you over again from behind his glasses. Strange, he felt like he should be wary of you.

Murdock took his apple from your hand and with a polite nod turned to his car. Through the tinted windows he could see you packing up again.

Pulling his sun visor down and checking his rear view mirror his eyes caught something. Something red.

A couple flecks of blood on the rim of his sunglasses he managed to miss when he was cleaning.

“You don’t know who could be a Killer”

“Red delicious, Matches”

That’s what you meant. He chuckled to himself as he pulled out of the lot. He might feel wary around you, because of what he’s not sure yet, but he’s sure you won’t tell.