#when the song is meant to be about fighting your inner demons and you take it as ''wow this is soooo self insert x canon character''

[asterbats]

When your little sister shares her playlist with you and you both resonate with the songs in very different ways.

Version without the other stuff cause the center art is so much cuter than I intended it to be and I love it on it's own

[mashounen1945]

So... I've been on a massive Kirby brainrot ever since the release of Kirby & the Forgotten Land (which combined with a Metroid brainrot I already had since the announcement of Metroid Dread, so you can imagine what kind of horrifying chaos my brain has been for the last few months, but that's another story). In that unenviable situation (depending on your point of view), I had this wacky idea of how I'd like Tails's story to go once Sonic Frontiers gets all of its DLC this year.

[If songs from outside the Sonic series are mentioned, they're supposed to be taken only as an inspiration.]

Tails's moveset could bring back his skills from Sonic Battle. A few of them (namely the Magic Upper and the Flick) imply he can summon small Warp Rings to make more efficient use of some of his inventions. It could also let Tails have a dedicated Dodge move or even be able to parry enemy mêlée attacks with his tails, as well as making him able to do combos. Sonic Frontiers already has those combos, but only for Sonic for now; besides, before the game's announcement, I was already thinking of something with much more hand-to-hand combat and mêlée weapons, perhaps inspired by Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance or Advent NEON or Bayonetta, rather than relying on ranged attacks or other actions from a distance (in short: if Sonic's gameplay focuses more on "travel speed", Tails's gameplay should differentiate from Sonic's by focusing more on "combat speed").

He fights easier versions of the Titans, but each fight against them is followed by a battle inside his own mind where he fights some nightmarish creature representing his inner demons: his own fears, flaws and limitations. These "special bosses" aren't towering constructs inspired by Evangelion, like the Titans from the base game; instead, they're smaller, meant to be fought "one versus one" rather than being a seemingly very unequal "David vs Goliath" fight, heavily based upon special bosses in Fark's Story of Spark the Electric Jester 1, and they periodically switch between two forms: one of them is essentially a Mobian but much more agile, harder to hit and more unpredictable, and the other one looks like your average Kirby Soul enemy (I told you I was in a middle of a brainrot) and is pretty easy to hit but uses overwhelming attacks that barely leave space to dodge them; the Mobian-like form of each special boss looks like one of Tails's friends and also uses a few attacks from their moveset.

Additional notes: The battle music for these unique bosses would be, of course, "Special Boss" from Spark the Electric Jester 1. When defeated, right before Tails is taken back to the real world, each one of them briefly reveals a magenta gemstone with the form of a Platonic solid: one is a tetrahedron, one is a cube, and one is an octahedron.

Tails's body, just like Sonic's, gets corrupted during the story, but unlike the hedgehog, he doesn't bottle his feelings or even try to stay optimistic, instead openly expressing how much he hates this whole situation. At some point, after helping so many Kocos basically go to the afterlife, having to do all this with no help from Sonic or any of his friends, and having to deal with Sage being like "You're making a mistake" but refusing to elaborate, Tails can't take it anymore: he goes on a whole-ass rant where he just starts insulting everyone and everything, admits not to understand why he's the one having to save the world this time instead of Sonic, wishes to simply go back to his life before arriving to Starfall Islands, and ultimately gives up, lying on the ground, looking up at the sky and eventually falling asleep, no longer caring about the corruption that slowly but steadily consumes his body.

During a dream, he fights another special boss, one that isn't linked to any of the Titans and looks and moves a lot like Shadow but also includes modified versions of a few attacks from the moveset of a certain jackal from a previous Sonic game. When defeated, the magenta gemstone briefly looks like an icosahedron, only to quickly morph into a great stellated dodecahedron and later take Shadow's form. As the background clears itself and stabilizes, this apparition of Shadow —based upon Tails's memories of him— encourages the fox to follow Sonic's example, not give up and also remember his friends are still supporting him and willing to help him however they can.

When Tails is about to die from his body's corruption, his friends cure him and restore his body at the cost of their physical forms, just like in the original story. However, Tails doesn't accept losing his friends again and having to keep fighting alone, so he decides to "kick the playing board": when the de-corruption process is almost complete, he goes Super, uses his powers to create a Warp Ring that leads to Angel Island, and uses that Warp Ring to directly touch the Master Emerald with his hand and go Hyper; recalling what Tikal had said about the power of Chaos (that it comes from the soul and turns thoughts into reality), he brings Sonic, Knuckles and Amy Rose back from the Cyber World with no side effects, although this consumes all of Hyper Tails's power and makes him fall back to his base form. Later, the battle against Supreme has the entire quartet working together to defeat the Titan, with Sonic eventually going Super and dealing the coup de grâce; when Tails has to fight within his mind the special boss linked to Supreme —which uses a deadly combination of the best of Sonic's and Tails's movesets—, he surprisingly receives Sonic's help and both of them defeat the special boss together.

Additional notes: When Sonic intervenes in Tails's special boss fight, "Special Boss" from Spark TEJ 1 is replaced by "Live & Learn". The mysterious gemstone of this special boss is revealed to be a dodecahedron when it's defeated.

Right before the final battle, Sage warns Tails about a possible great threat he might have to face while she and Sonic deal with The End. He finds a bright purple whirlpool-shaped portal, goes through it, and arrives at a place very similar to both Null Space and Egg Reverie. There, he meets another version of The End; this one and the one being fought by Sonic in space aren't really one and the same, since this version of The End is still a disembodied voice and seems to be from an alternate universe. "The Other End" tells Tails that it will send him to face three powerful enemies in environments made ad hoc by it for each of those battles, and he shall defeat them in order to ensure Sonic's success against his own universe's version of The End.

Additional notes: Background music for this pocket dimension: "L86" from Kirby: Planet Robobot.

The first enemy summoned by The Other End is Mecha Sonic Mk.2, who's also provided with a replica of the magic sword Caliburn, and the environment looks like the top platform of Sky Sanctuary during a thunderstorm with strong winds and heavy rain. In his 2nd phase, he periodically switches between his normal form and something more like the Death Egg's Red Eye (the mid-boss at the end of Death Egg 1, in Sonic 3 & Knuckles), with the light in Mecha Sonic's visor being repositioned in his chest and revealed as his main plasma cannon.

Additional notes: Mecha Sonic battle theme: "Reproduction of Darkness" from Planet Robobot. When defeated, he decays into a formless body of liquid metal and starts convulsing while saying "There can only be one Sonic" in Morse code, then says Tails's name with a robotic voice that surprisingly sounds very similar to Sonic's, before immediately dissolving into the air.

The second enemy is Perfect Chaos, and the environment is a reconstruction of Station Square's ruins during the real Perfect Chaos's rampage, including the water. The battle goes roughly the same as in Sonic Generations.

Additional notes: Perfect Chaos battle theme: "Open Your Heart"; I'd like the original version to be remixed into something rather sad or "darker", with altered lyrics, or remade as a "muddy" remix (like "Faded & Flower" in Planet Robobot, a remix of "Dirty & Beauty" from Kirby: Triple Deluxe); Circuit Freq's remix for Sonic Generations would be fitting as well. When Perfect Chaos is defeated, Tikal's voice is heard in the distance, saying "Thank you" as the water monster goes back to their base form, reunites with a bright orange hitodama and ascends to the sky.

The third enemy initially seems to be merely a giant magenta icosahedral gemstone —a bigger replica of the Phantom Ruby—, which seems to have someone sealed inside, and the environment is a simple circular arena with a bottomless pit in the centre. The gemstone rotates to point one of its vertices towards a fixed point in the void surrounding the battle arena, then the five faces that meet at that vertex open up like a flower, a cutting blast of radiation is fired from inside the gem (just like Ramiel opening up and firing its laser in the Rebuild of Evangelion movies), and this blast hits something invisible in that void, opening a fissure in the space-time fabric while an ethereal scream of agony is heard: the gemstone has just killed The Other End by actually cutting it in half and then letting it be sucked into a dimensional rift. After this, the gemstone closes again, positions itself above the hole in the centre of the arena, generates a vertical cylindrical shield and officially starts the battle against Tails.

In its 1st phase, the battle against the giant Phantom Ruby is pretty much like Phase 4-A of Star Dream Soul OS but with a few added elements from the battles against Mother Brain in Metroid 1 and Super Metroid. The Ruby summons pillars throughout the circular arena, which start moving along it; each pillar has a much smaller Phantom Ruby replica with the shape of some other regular polyhedra, which moves up and down and has to be destroyed in order to be able to get through the hole left by it; each of them also has weapons installed at the top and the base, one of them is a turret firing blaster shots, and the other is a cannon similar to the one on Mecha Sonic's chest firing energy rings (like Super Mecha Sonic when he's a couple of hits away from being defeated by Knuckles). Every time the Rubies of all pillars are destroyed, the Phantom Ruby gets rid of those damaged pillars and summons new ones, and these can also start moving in reverse or even close the distance between two of them in an attempt to crush Tails or force him to jump into the void; on the other hand, every time all pillars are neutralized, Tails can do some damage to the cylindrical shield while the Phantom Ruby is in the process of summoning new pillars. After destroying three sets of pillars —each with more of them than the last—, the 1st phase ends.

Additional notes: Phantom Ruby's 1st phase battle theme: either "Soul 0 System" from Planet Robobot, or Heart of Nova's remix "STAR NOVA SYSTEM" from SilvaGunner's album Super Star Symphony. The three sets total 20 pillars, and every time a pillar is neutralized, a needle pierces one of the faces of the Phantom Ruby. A disembodied voice (not The Other End's voice, but still familiar) does a countdown, starting at 20 at the beginning of the battle and going down as more faces of the Ruby are pierced by needles.

Once all pillars are destroyed, Tails manages to break the shield, but the giant Phantom Ruby moves higher, all the needles are removed and the Ruby opens up again (this time, the opening points upwards instead of towards the horizon) as the bottomless pit at the centre of the circular arena is covered over and made part of the arena. Crimson smoke emanates from the Phantom Ruby's exposed core and starts condensing until forming the body of a Mobian jackal: Infinite.

Infinite's moveset here is mostly just a rip-off of Galacta Knight's, including the Time-Border Great Slash Flash from Planet Robobot (opening a dimensional rift, referenced when the Phantom Ruby opens up for the 1st time and banishes/kills The Other End), but also has some stuff from the final boss fight against Raven Beak in Metroid Dread (I tried to think of a way to adapt the three actual boss fights against Infinite in Sonic Forces somehow, but two of them only work if the player's character is running, and all of them look kinda disappointing anyway).

Additional notes: Phantom Ruby's 2nd phase battle theme: any version of "The Greatest Warrior in the Galaxy".

When Tails lands the last hit on Infinite, the jackal turns into crimson smoke again and vanishes, but then reappears standing on top of the giant Phantom Ruby —which has moved back to its previous height—, starting the 3rd and last phase.

The battle's 3rd phase starts with Infinite —still standing on top of the Ruby— summoning a sequence of combinations of attacks taken from different boss fights: Infinite's moveset in his own 2nd boss fight in Sonic Forces, Galacta Knight's Revolution Sword, Energy Shower and Rising Spine, and Heartful Tears from Phase 4-B of Star Dream Soul OS. This is followed by more combinations of Galacta Knight's and Star Dream Soul OS's moves, where both Infinite and the Phantom Ruby enter the circular arena and move through it —usually being on opposite sides of the arena while moving— to attack Tails directly. The first sequence of attacks can be repeated at some point as well.

Additional notes: Phantom Ruby's 3rd phase battle theme: any version of "Vagrant Keepsake of Oblivion" (itself a part of "Vagrant Counting Song of Retrospection"), including the cover made by GaMetal and the remix "R-E-P-R-O-G-R-A-M" from Super Star Symphony.

When Infinite and the Phantom Ruby are one hit away from being defeated, the jackal transforms into crimson smoke once again and re-enters the Ruby, which then goes back to the centre of the arena and starts spinning in all planes of rotation while firing several successive triangular energy blasts from all of its faces, shooting lasers from all of its vertices and sometimes even shooting cutting blasts from all of its edges (a combination of Chaos Elfilis Phase 2's Planetarium Dream Tour —which is, in turn, based on Void Termina's Crown of Evil and Obsession—, Star Dream's Fatal Error, and Star Dream Soul OS's Heartless Tears), which Tails will have to quickly dodge and/or parry while trying to get closer to the Ruby. When Tails is close enough, the attack stops and all that's left in the centre is Infinite, who has a normal-sized Phantom Ruby embedded in his chest and looks like he's embarrassed and furious but also literally boiling on the inside and about to explode. Infinite desperately summons a massive energy polearm (which would be a mix between a poleaxe, a halberd, a spontoon/partisan, a voulge or couteau-de-brèche, and other real-life polearms) and tries to finish Tails off; if the player guards successfully, Tails uses his namesakes to parry Infinite's attack and snatch the polearm from his hands, and immediately uses it to accurately strike the Phantom Ruby, killing the jackal with his own weapon.

Infinite is thrown far from the arena and stays floating in the void, then starts convulsing and bouncing across the pocket dimension's space as he becomes more unstable and the Phantom Ruby's power is closer and closer to atomize both itself and its user. Eventually, both the Phantom Ruby and Infinite explode, flooding the entire place with light and leaving no remains afterwards.

Additional notes: Music for this scene: any version of "Kirby's Triumphant Return" (of course).

Tails wakes up back in Starfall Islands, where he has an emotive reunion with Sonic and their friends after the hedgehog came back from saving the world; the fox admits to his adoptive brother that he'd rather take a break from the action for a while —and Sonic accepts this without objection and supports Tails's decision—, but also assures the hedgehog that this isn't permanent and he's now much more certain of what he can and wants to do with his life. The story ends with Sonic piloting the Tornado for the first time since the events of Sonic 3 & Knuckles as Tails takes a well-deserved rest in the plane's backseat.

Additional notes: Ending theme: either Fuhi's mash-up of versions of the credits theme from Milky Way Wishes, or GaMetal's cover of "My Friend & the Sunset".

[le-souriant]

#MusicMonday Review - October 2022

#MusicMonday is the hashtag I've been using for quite a while to share music recommendations from up-and-coming artists. Always fresh, and always different, trying to look for trends before they become one. You can check September's review for more music.

This month's music will take you to a journey to the dark side of matters. Regardless of genres, prepare yourself for a brilliantly apprehensive good time. Let's have a listen, with a word from the artists themselves. 🎧

Teen Angst – Kissless Virgin

There’s a lot I’ve done I’ve lost, drawn and I’ve won But only by myself Never with anyone else

A dirty kind of pure Just waiting at the door I’ve been close for sure But I’ve never been kissed before

Cause I want to feel right For once in my damn life

Yes, Antisocial-pop is a real genre, and this band from Perth, Western Australia, shows us how does it feels like. Doesn’t it feel nice?:

"The phrase Kissless Virgin was used by a friend of mine to describe a Dungeons and Dragons character he was playing, and it immediately stuck in my brain as an interesting title for a song.

I already had the rough idea for the music of the song but the only lyric I had at that point was the refrain “What does it feel like?”. Once I had the new title of ‘Kissless Virgin’ I was inspired to finish the lyrics.

The lyrics explore the theme of feeling a yearning or regret about missing out on life experiences out of fear or anxiety."

Spirits of Leo – Asylum

Ash in hearth, I seek your shelter Storming, rushing, bounding, assailing me Entering my spine and crawling out my palms The spirit is now ascending me Commanding motion

From New York City, NY, get ready for a Shoegaze track as it should be: somber, yet energetic. Don’t fight, nothing ever comes if you won’t believe it:

"The song Asylum is about anxiety, obsessions/compulsions, and intrusive thoughts.

Essentially, the song is about finding safety and shelter from oneself, or specifically, one's inner demons.

It started out as a composite of meanings in relation to feelings of anxiety, but ultimately the song formed as a personification of inner demons."

Desert of Talking Shadows – Empty Hearts

You cannot hide So darling don’t try You wrap yourself around a heartbeat or a pulse, you call that love? I wouldn’t know I’ll love myself one day, but til then, I’ll just let you do it for me Til you run out of it yourself

Switching gears, have a listen to a Rock track from Orange County, CA that takes elements from 70s bluesy attitude to ask the question broken hearts have:

"This song was inspired by a person and a specific experience I had in a past relationship, I don’t like to get into details as it’s best for the listener to interpret it how they like.

The track itself is inspired by Arctic Monkeys “R U Mine?” “Pretty Visitors”, and Royal Blood “How Did We Get So Dark?”"

Machine On A Break – Things That Go Bump

Be afraid, even be angry, but be careful not to hate, because blame is such a dangerous game, and there will never be a change if no one is listening.

From Sydney, Australia, this Alt Metal track combines the anger and frustration from the inequities that exist with the pain of possible inaction:

"I wrote it one night when I was angry after a conversation with someone. They'd been saying it's my responsibility to stay safe from the bad people in the world and I didn't think that was fair. We tell women to cover up and not go out at night by themselves but we should really be teaching people not to be creeps."

Bad Sidekick – Daily Lottery

I'm starting to feel like my life's on a runway and you're all invited

We finish off this month's ride in Bristol, UK for an impressive mix of gritty hooks, relentless beats, and uneasy vocals that will leave you breathless, but asking for more:

"I have an auto immune disorder and wrote the track about my experience with being in physical pain and what that meant for my future life and day to day living :)"

Listen to them and much more on the Playlist

@osornios

[restlessmaknae]

love lockdown

You were on the verge of a break-up with Seungyoun when a pandemic hit, and lockdown happened. It meant that you were actually on the verge of a cliff every single day, and there was no escape.

➳ Characters: Woodz/Seungyoun x reader/you

➳ Genre: angst, slice of life, established relationship

➳ Warning: mentions of depression and a pandemic

➳ Words: 5.6k

➳ A/N: There’s no specific setting for this story, and there’s no specific pandemic mentioned, so I’ll leave the details up to your own imagination. Click here to be added to the TAGLIST and to let me know about your fic preferences.

Seungyoun had always been the one you would walk through fire for, you would fight wars to protect him and keep him away from all the bad in the world, you would travel countries to see him again because you loved him so much, so deeply, so naturally that being beside him felt like breathing, and you felt suffocated whenever you were away from him.

He was the one for whom it didn’t feel like sacrifice when you put him first; when you would stay up late at night to make him lunch for the next day, so he wouldn’t live on takeout constantly; you would check on him despite being exhausted yourself because you knew he tended to stay out late at the studio to work on songs; you would cancel plans just to spend more time with him because being with him (the one who knew you better than anyone else) still meant more than being with anyone else; you kept your worries and problems to yourself, buried them deep under caring words and gentle acts when his depression was resurfacing, and he needed you more than ever.

He was always the one who meant the most to you, and if he had asked, you would have run away with him, no matter the destination, no matter the consequences. You would go with him without question.

Until you wouldn’t.

You loved each other deeply, intimately, unconditionally; two souls of the same heart, two flickers of the same flame, two galaxies colliding, complementing each other perfectly, the darkness and the light finding its perfect balance in the bodies of you two.

Until you weren’t.

You held each other’s hands through thick and thin, through your inner and external demons, through the cruel twists of fate, through loss and grief, through ups and downs of life.

Until you didn’t, and you didn’t know anymore how to reach out to hold each other’s hand, but you weren’t ready to let go yet.

And then, on the verge of a break-up, a pandemic happened, and you were stuck together under the same roof, doubt and uncertainty numbing your pain like the best pain killers would.

You were at work when you heard the news: the government shutting down the borders, the citizens asked to stay at home and avoid leaving their house if not for groceries or exercise, places where people from different households could mingle asked to close including the café where you worked. Everything in the matter of 24 hours. You never knew how little 24 hours could mean if it was about something so life-changing.

Somehow, you managed to keep yourself together throughout the rest of the day, but only because it didn’t feel real. This virus that had been such a distant phenomena so far had just turned your life upside down, and you could do nothing about it. You felt as if it was a stupid joke, and the next day, you would wake up and it would go away. It would all go away, and you could come back to this café, and serve the customers with a smile on your face as you had done so for the past years.

Instead, customers were panicking, employees were panicking, and your boss was making phone calls with the local government to ask about the sudden closure. You were sent home early, the place closing sooner that didn’t seem futile considering the lack of people who would come by after the news.

Yet, just as you were heading home, you realised that a different kind of chaos was waiting for you, and you weren’t sure that you could take it considering the consequences. You secretly hoped that Seungyoun wouldn’t be home, so that you could avoid seeing him first things first, but the world turned its back on you multiple times that day, and it didn’t go easy on you when you arrived at your shared flat with your boyfriend of 5 years.

Seungyoun was in the kitchen, nursing a cup of coffee when you made your way to the fridge, putting in the last two boxes of milk you could find at the store.

“Have you heard the news?”

He asked as if the world hadn’t turned upside down, and no one had been panicking, but maybe with him spending most of his time at his studio, secluded from the rest of the world, the news of lockdown was a rather recent event for him.

“Yeah,” you kept it brief, not finding it in yourself to pick a fight with him or pour your frustration onto him. The truth is: even if you had wanted to go elsewhere, you had nowhere else to go. Neither of you had. So even if you could feel a possible break-up looming over the two of you, you couldn’t run away from the place where it would probably happen. You were stuck there for god knows how long.

“What did they say at the café?” Seungyoun inquired, his voice raspy yet worrying.

“That they are going to try and figure things out,” just like you should have done so with him. It was killing you inside; the unsaid tension in the air. You could feel it clutching at your neck, squeezing your throat. “How about you?” You asked instead, busying yourself with making a cup of tea. You always preferred tea over coffee, just another difference between you and him.

“I’ll work from home. I’ve picked up my essential equipment, and I’m going to do it from here.” he replied almost monotonically, lacking any enthusiasm. Maybe he was merely trying to be sympathetic, knowing all too well that you - a waitress at a café - couldn’t possibly work from home, but you still felt bitterness twist your stomach. He was so lucky. 

“That’s good.”

“Yeah,” he added as if he didn’t want silence to cover the two of you, but his word was drowned by the sound of the water boiler anyway, and then you were left alone in the kitchen with a searing cup of tea and more questions than answers. You didn’t even know who could give you the answers you wanted. Probably no one. And you weren’t ready to face the truth, not yet.

That night, you slept on the couch in the living room, already thinking of using the excuse of sleeping through a movie you watched on TV (a bad habit of yours), and turning in as you turned the TV off.

But Seungyoun didn’t ask about it the next day, and you didn’t do so yourself.

Lockdown didn’t seem to do you good, neither of you actually, not individually, not as a couple. It wasn’t even that you picked fights in the beginning. If anything, silence was the one that kept distancing you two which was odd since it had been something that had brought you closer before.

With Seungyoun, even silence used to feel comfortable. Even silence had its own melody beside him, its own story, its own comfort. Neither of you were talkative extroverts, so it meant a lot if you didn’t feel awkward around someone else in silence, but with him, it had been rather something warm, something cosy instead. You even remembered how he had dared to hold hands with you for the first time while walking home from the cinema in utter silence, and how quiet it had been (apart from the crazy beating of your heart) when he had first kissed you. As if the world had fallen silent when you were with him, and it was just you two, your hearts beating for the other, and no riot, no revolution could stop that.

Until it became the sly, sneaky illness that crept up from the within, and started destroying you from the inside, attacking your lungs (finding it hard to breathe beside him) and your heart (finding it hard to feel your heart beat for him again).

Later, as time went by, and the situation didn’t seem to clear up (it got only worse), the silence turned into nasty words and petty fights, both parties weary and impatient. Neither of you were wrong or right, you were just frustrated, and having no one else around, you dumped your frustration onto the other.

“What?” Seungyoun asked once as you stepped into his room early in the morning, and he slid his headphones onto his neck, raising an eyebrow tentatively.

“I’m going to the grocery store. Do you need anything?”’ You asked, hoping to be peaceful and helpful now that you had more time on your hands. You even tried with a little smile, but your lips quivered at his hardened expression and knife-like tone:

“I’m in the middle of a meeting.”

The truth is: he was always working, lacking a proper schedule. Let it be at the break of dawn or sunset, he was most often curled up in his room (the closet that he had turned into his own studio room ever since the beginning of lockdown because it was almost empty anyways), working on songs with his headphone on his head. It didn’t help at all that he couldn’t hear a thing when he was working, so even mealtimes were spent separately, and you no longer found joy in cooking for him (even if that seemed the only thing you could do given the circumstances), seeing his reaction all to yourself.

Now, he most often didn’t even wash up after himself, and he didn’t even comment on your cooking. Sometimes, you even had to be the one to bring him food because he didn’t feel like coming out of his studio room.

So your hopes of being friendly with him completely crushed, you tightened your jaw and asked with a bit more fury this time:

“Do you need anything or not?”

“No.” He shook his head, and was about to put his headphones on yet again, but before he did so, he asked. “And next time, please, knock before you come in.”

“Oh, please. Next time, I’m not going to ask if you need anything,” you snapped back vigorously, and slapped the door behind you, your body trembling as you walked away from his room.

This tension was killing you, and you literally had to live with it all day, every day. You weren’t allowed to leave your neighbourhood as per your local government’s guidelines, and besides, where could you have gone? You hadn’t talked to your parents ever since they had given up on you when you had failed to get into a university, and opted for working right after high school. You had moved away from them and worked at a hostel first where they could provide accommodation on top of a moderate salary. Then, when you had made enough money to afford a monthly pay-flat for yourself, you had started working at the café and ever since moving together with Seungyoun two years before, you really had nowhere else to go.

This was a fact that you had been living with for the past few years, but now, this fact seemed to mockingly laugh at you, point its finger at you and call you names each and every day when you either picked fights with your boyfriend or you stared at the wall in front of you, completely alone in the living room.

Sometimes, your arguments were finished there. You picked a fight, and it died on its own like a flower petal thrown into the flames, and you watched as it crumbled into pieces, then into ashes. And sometimes, it snowballed into another fight that wasn’t as petty, but that’s why it hurt more. Because you were scratching a surface that was deep and personal, and it had been some time since you had been deep and personal with the other if it weren’t for an argument.

This time, it was the latter.

“About earlier…” Seungyoun mumbled as you passed by him in the kitchen that night, putting your mug into the sink.

“It’s fine. You can totally act as if I’m the bad one here because you can work from home, and I can’t. I get it. Sorry to have interrupted you.” You shrugged nonchalantly as you started washing the dishes that were piling up there, standing with your back to him. Maybe you were trying to scrap the dirt off a bit too vehemently, but you didn’t care. How you looked and how you felt could be complete opposites, but it had been sometime since he had dared to ask about it. Probably because he knew that he was the same.

So you weren’t even surprised that you were almost halfway through the dishes when he spoke up next.

“I didn’t want you to feel this way. I was just a bit frustrated,” he admitted, and while he did seem genuinely sorry, you felt annoyance bubbling up inside of you again, and it was like a cough that you couldn’t keep down. You had to let it out to be able to breathe properly.

“Over having a job? How bad for you.”

Silence. Again. Not a comforting one. Again.

You were almost completely done washing the dishes when he spoke up next with the same quiet, gentle, almost uncertain tone of his. As if he was trying to be hopeful when even he himself doubted his own words.

“I know it’s hard for you, but we’ll get through it, okay? I make enough money-” He started almost like a reassurance, but you cut him off immediately.

“I know you do, but you know I’ve always hated to depend on others.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t hate it so much. When will you ever accept the help others are trying to give you instead of always doing everything for others yourself?” Seungyoun counter-attacked, his voice rising. It unnerved you how wise he seemed about how you should be feeling when he didn’t live by his words either. You were both crumbling down like sand castles swept up by the waves, but neither of you could admit it, or dare to hope for a better outcome: a stronger, more resilient sand castle built up by the two of you that couldn’t be torn down.

When you finished with the last plate, you put it onto the drying rack, and dried your hands in a rug. Then, you turned around, facing the storm eye-to-eye.

“And when will you finally believe that you’re not a burden, and that you can actually tell me everything because I’ll listen to you, and I’m not lying when I say I do?”

You know it was a low blow, but he needed to hear it. And when was a better time to tell him when he had been cooped up in his studio room, working almost all day, and all the times you could see him, you were almost always picking silly little fights or being in complete silence? As if you had nothing to tell each other anymore. As if you had nothing to fight for. As if there was nothing left off you two anymore.

Seungyoun let out a shaky breath, and closed his eyes for a few seconds before he opened them again. You almost took your words back for they seemed too cruel, but an apology died on the tip of your tongue. You just couldn’t bear to say it. You wanted to understand him and be understood, but you couldn’t feel like either of them could be accomplished given the circumstances.

“You know, it’s hard for me to open up, but I’m working on it… and actually, you’ve helped through it. You’ve helped me so much to cope with my depression, so let me at least help this time, okay?” He offered quietly, almost pleadingly, but your head was splitting, and you didn’t have the will in you to continue with this.

“I’m going to sleep,” so you announced, and with that, you walked past him, straight into your shared bedroom, awaiting yet another sleepless night.

He didn’t even stop you, and you didn’t stop beside him either.

Days turned into weeks, and after a while, you lost count of the days of the week. There was no Monday or a weekend anymore, it was just the same. All the same. You were lucky that the government implemented a furlough scheme, and you could be paid to a certain extent of your usual salary, so money wasn’t that much of a problem anymore. However, the uncertainty was killing you, and it was killing your relationship as well. You were literally trapped in your own misery, and it seemed like there was no way out.

You began sleeping more on the couch in the living room, numbing your feelings with another series you could binge-watch, and Seungyoun didn’t say a word. You had a feeling that if you were just honest for once, it would help, but it seemed that neither of you wanted to be honest. Which was understandable given that the world was going crazy around you, but you two were the only ones who could talk to each other, yet you didn’t do so.

Hence, you didn’t even go easy on the other when it came to fights, and it didn’t seem to change as time went by. You were running in circles, and even if you were running on full-speed, with all your might, it wasn’t enough. Because this time, you should have been running with your heart, not your mind.

The clock said 02:19 when you looked at it from the couch. Sadly, you lay awake, unable to go back to sleep after being woken up by Seungyoun who had gone to the bathroom to take a shower. Maybe he didn’t even know what time it was. Or he didn’t care.

On the other hand, when he came out of the bathroom, you rose from the couch and took a few steps closer to him, crossing your arms in front of your chest. He came to a halt when he caught sight of you, awake at such an hour.

“Please, can you not take a shower at 2AM? I keep waking up in the middle of the night because of you,” you told him straightaway, your patience running thin.

He looked back, alarmed and scared, like an animal trapped in a cage, and when you looked into his eyes, you remembered how much you had gazed at him (and how much you had loved doing so): at his slightly longer raven locks, at the fine arch of his thick eyebrows, at the lines his emotions painted onto his parchment-like skin, at the curls of his lips and of course at his deep, dark, captivating eyes. This time, they looked like black holes; bottomless and mysterious, almost out of reach.

“Sorry, I got a bit carried away lately with a song that I’m working on,” he admitted quietly, his voice coming out hoarse.

You let out an aghast sigh, wondering how you can avoid picking a fight yet again, but you were weary and bruised and so very sick of what was going on in your flat that you didn’t stop there.

“You’re working from home, Seungyoun. Can’t you have a schedule for yourself?”

“You don’t even have anything important to do, why does it bother you if I have a schedule or not?” His voice wasn’t accusing, more like defensive, but his words still felt like arrows aimed at your heart. You saw realisation flashing across his eyes when the previous calmer expression fell from your face, but before he could take back his words, you spoke up.

“You’re right. I’m just wasting my time, trying to make homemade bread for us, cooking us all three meals, cleaning, taking out the trash, doing grocery shopping because I have nothing else to do. Or wait, it’s actually because I would rather seem busy than wonder when the fuck will I ever be able to work again, and if I can ever go back to being a waitress when they say there will be more waves, and it might last for years,” you threw your words at him, fighting against him with your own words while your body remained stiff and still.

You were bleeding, searching for a different weapon to use, and a different method to save him from bleeding, but neither of you knew anything better than words. You were so bad at them yet they seemed to be your only salvation.

Seungyoun took a step closer to you, looking straight into your eyes as if he was trying to pin you there with his gaze. It worked because it was the first time for weeks that you were so close to each other, daring to look the other in the eye. It was both familiar and unfamiliar, the sensation sending chills down your spin.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that,” he mumbled quietly, taking another step closer to you, and having him so close, your heart sank. For him, for you, for the both of you. For everything that was going on in the world, in your flat, and in between you two. You felt yourself trembling a bit, a sudden wave of emotions overcoming you because of how intensively, how caringly he looked at you. It’s been so long. Or maybe you had both been blind to see beside the other’s intentions because you were so far from each other (your hearts were) even though you were in the same place.

You balled your hands into fists, pursing your lips tight, but when the first teardrop rolled down your face, you knew you lost. You had been playing this losing game ever since you two had started drifting away from each other, and the lockdown had only made everything worse. Yet, you had never faltered, you had never appeared weak because you had wanted to seem strong. You had always wanted to seem strong for him because you had always wanted him to know that he could go to you, that he could hold onto you, and that he could use you as a shield against his depression. But maybe you had never been as strong as you had wanted to.

“Hey…” Seungyoun whispered gently, reaching out to you tentatively, and this time, you let yourself fall into his arms, admitting that you were weak, that you needed support, and that you needed him. It had been so long since he had touched you so lovingly, so intimately, and just more and more teardrops fell at this realisation.

That maybe he hadn’t been the only one who hadn’t trusted the other with their feelings, you hadn’t trusted your own feelings either. Because facing them would be more difficult than numbing them. Until they burst in the form of searing tears, a gentle pat on the back and a hug that seemed like a haven from the outside world at that moment.

That night was like an unsaid confession between you two. You tried to be more patient with the other afterwards, and Seungyoun tried to create a schedule for himself, you could note that. Once, he even joined you for a movie you were watching. Another time, you even had breakfast together. A few days later, you saw him cleaning his own plates. Tiny little things that seemed to work so smoothly now, but they had created so much tension in the past.

Nothing was really announced between you and Seungyoun, but there were definitely less fights and less silly little nit-picks. You could feel that you both needed time to come to terms with your own feelings first, and that’s what you were also trying to do. However, you knew that you still needed to talk it out with him, it was just a matter of time.

So a few weeks later, when you heard him walk out of the bathroom at night, you went after him, quietly joining him at the kitchen table. There was just something about this night, something that didn’t let either of you sleep, so you reckoned that it was best if you weren’t alone.

You didn’t want him to be alone.

“Sorry, did I wake you up?” Seungyoun inquired quietly, but you shook your head.

“No. I just can’t sleep either.”

Since he didn’t object, you knew that you were right about him not being able to sleep. He was the type who had too much on his mind, but while in the past, you had asked him until he had given in, recently you hadn’t even asked him in the first place. It was so sad, how much you two had changed in the past few months. Maybe it was adulting, or maybe it was because you had been together for 5 years already, or maybe you had both managed to get into a slump at the same time, and there was no one who could pull the other out of the darkness when you couldn’t even find each other in the pitch-black maze of life.

He had been your one and only love, he had been your first in all aspects, and you knew that it was the same for him. You had found each other just at the right time, you had both needed someone to be there for you, and you had both saved each other. You had loved so much, so deeply, and you had felt like you could live with him for the rest of your life because you would trust him with your heart and soul.

In the past few months, everything from the years before had just seemed to go up in flames, hence when lockdown had started, you had both been burning already. At one point, you had felt that you had already turned into ashes, but that night gave you hope that maybe, you two could be reborn from the ashes, and fly again like a phoenix.

Maybe Seungyoun was reminiscing just as well for he was staring far ahead without saying anything. That’s how you were just sitting there for minutes, only the sound from the clock on the wall filling up the room with any kind of noise. No wonder you averted your eyes so suddenly when he actually broke the silence.

“Look, I’ve been thinking, and you’re right. Lately, I’ve started bottling things up again. I mean, already before the lockdown, but it’s just…” He started, hesitant, visibly struggling to get the words out. You bobbed your head, even tried with a little smile to prompt him to go on. You would wait for it. “You seemed so happy and upbeat every time you came home from work, I didn’t want to bother you with how low I was feeling,” he admitted hoarsely. Then, he looked down at his intertwined fingers, probably replaying the sight of your bright smile from those times.

You gulped, feeling his sorrow all too well, and knowing exactly what he meant by it. In a way, you were doing the same. He tried to hide his pain because you seemed so happy, and you were trying to be strong for him because he seemed like he needed it. Gosh, how much you had done for the other without actually realising it.

“Seungyoun, you…” You started, unsure how to continue when there was just so much to say. You weren’t sure that you would be able to say the right words, but you continued either way. “You give me more happiness by being honest with me than any work day could,” you admitted gently, your lips curling into a bittersweet smile. Gosh, how much you wish you had said it sooner. Maybe he would have stopped doubting himself, maybe he would have dared to reach out, maybe… there were too many maybes now.

You pulled yourself back from your agonising thoughts, directing your full attention at the boy in front of you. A boy, or maybe a young man by now, but he was still that kind-hearted boy you had met years ago with his heart in pieces and smile so scarce that your heart did little summersaults whenever he smiled at you (or because of you). You had been through thick and thin together, and it was breaking your own heart how you had been at the edge of the cliff a few weeks ago. Now, you were at least trying to reach for something steady, so that you wouldn’t fall. You were both willing to save yourself and the other.

“I know how difficult it is for you to open up, so when you do, I feel like I fall in love with you again and again because you let me see your soul, and it’s so beautiful, I wish you could see it and believe it for yourself,” you added to your earlier confession, words tender like the sunshine melting the snow on a frosty morning and quiet like a whispered lullaby to a child before bedtime.

You kept your eyes on him, and you only realised how big of a confession you had made when his lips started quivering. It’s been so long since either of you had said that you loved the other out loud. This sentiment had disappeared with the monotonous, gloomy days of lockdown, the invisible yet very much present tension and the break-up that you had been oh so painfully nearing. You had started to think that you would do him good if you actually let him go, and maybe he had felt the same way, and that’s why you hadn’t been so keen on confessions.

Yet now… as you looked at each other, and you felt just how deliberating it was to admit that yes, you loved him, you still did, and you were willing to be honest with each other in hopes of trying to save your relationship, you couldn’t have been further from that feeling.

Instead, when Seungyoun’s eyes started getting teary, you felt yourself being moved by the sight. It was almost automatic how it crept on you, and churned your heart.

“I’m sorry. I should have been more honest with you,” he remarked hoarsely, putting his head in his hands, quieting his sobs. Your hands were shaking as you were reaching out to him, but when your fingers touched his knuckles, you didn’t feel any objection. Instead, his grip softened.

“I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry that I’ve probably made everything worse during lockdown. So thank you for telling me this now,” you croaked out between two sobs, taking his hands into yours, intertwining them.

When Seungyoun looked up and your eyes met, you realised yet again just how much you loved him, and how much you wanted him to be happy. Through your tears, you saw the boy who had waited for you in front of the café with a bouquet of flowers on your 1-year anniversary. You saw the boy who could have hardly believed that he had received an award for his work no matter how talented he was. You saw the boy who had made you a surprise breakfast in bed when you had had a particularly painful period, and couldn’t have left your bed for the love of god. You saw the boy who had kept dropping by a bakery on his way home after you had mentioned that you loved their almond croissant the most. You saw the boy who had brought you medicine at the break of dawn when you had been sick, and who had said that he would rather be beside you at such times than worrying from afar.

And now, you saw the boy whom you had hurt and who had hurt you, but all you could think was that if he was willing to let you put the pieces together, you would gladly mend the heart you had broken.

It was like falling in love all over again, except that you had a shared past together with Seungyoun. Yet, with each day and interaction, you discovered a different side of his, and you slowly started to slip into this cosy, soft feeling. You began to trust him, to feel comforted by him and to let him see your vulnerable side again. You began talking, actually talking again, and spending time together that didn’t involve wanting to avoid each other most of the time and not saying a single word to each other.

Your hearts found the other’s again, slowly beating to the same rhythm again, singing a sweet melody of heartache, hopelessness, new beginnings and unconditional trust. You built the next level of your relationship on mutual affection and understanding, basing it on the true power of conversations. Honesty and empathy paved the path for a better, more resilient part of your life that you would spend together in love despite the circumstances around you. And that’s what truly mattered; that no matter how much life turned upside-down, you were there to hold each other’s hand, and to get through it. Together.

[icyymocha]

Falling Like The Stars

Pt. 2, 

warnings: Fluff. Lots of Fluff. Bits of angst. 

Word Count: 2,040

pairings: Bucky x Fem!reader 

Summary:  Bucky wonders how you would act as a mother if you and he had kids of your own. Bucky blushed at the thought. You would be such a good mother to your own kids. A possessive feeling was deep down in his stomach he knew all too well. Maybe….Just maybe….Would you like to start a family? No, no, no, he knew you would like to start a family. But, would you like to start a family with him?

Hesitant to voice out his opinion, afraid that this moment so surreal and domesticated would be gone in an instant and he would be brought back to the sinister hallways. A hell place that forced him to become a sadistic monster. The screams and cries of pain, torture, and never-ending abuse of Hydra plagued and tainted him. Bucky shivered at the thought of being in that hell hole, he couldn’t bear it any longer. He couldn’t even think about the thought of Hydra forcing you to endure what he had to go through. No, he would never allow hydra to steal you away from him, not once would he let them take you away and be used to their benefits. You’re too pure, and someone who has a corrupted soul like him shouldn’t be allowed to be with you. But here he is—with you.

With you by his side, guiding him in the right direction. You pull him so close as you both snuggle underneath the weight of many blankets on the couch; you guided him home. Bucky couldn’t help but feel soft. He cherished—no, he loved little moments like these. Where it’s just you and him. Your little snores and relaxed breathing soothes his, rather, internal demons that claw through his mind, etching to be heard. To scream out for wanting blood. Bucky doesn’t honestly know how you can calm down the voices in his head. It’s as if you held a command in his brain. He knew you would never implant a chip in his mind, you’re too soft and too good for him to do so.

Flowing like the river with grace and beauty, Bucky embraces your warmth as if he was starved for days. He pulls you in so close, you can hear his heart beating hastily. To him, it didn’t feel like the haunting of his nightmares or the blood that stains his hand as he feels himself being guided by the river he knows. This time, the river felt as if an old friend; comfort. It made him feel safe within the river when all he knew was the angry cries and screams and the blood that washes away in Fury's instance of the icy water.

His inner demons were clawing at his head right now. He can’t think or sense what his directions are. All Bucky could see at the moment was the blind rage of red but he couldn’t move for some reason. His breath was shaky and heavy, he needed to move otherwise Bucky is going to crumple anything that gets in his way. He needs to find a way to stop the voices to stop screaming. His thoughts and the voices swelled in silence feeling an intruder at his side. Bucky whipped his head to the side to see you all curled up to his left arm, the cold metal arm giving you some type of coolness against the hotness of many blankets that surrounds you.

Bucky’s eyes were soft and gentle. He carefully pushed back a few strands of hair behind your ear, you always found a way to make room in his ice steel heart. Somehow, you always calmed down the voices, he can hear the voices coos, and whispers as they talk about you, and only you. every part of him was hot. It was too overwhelming how much love Bucky felt whenever he’s with you. He never wanted to let go. Slowly, Bucky wrapped his arms around you, letting you fall into his chest as if you’re the missing puzzle piece to his puzzle map. The moment was relaxing until you stirred in your sleep, Bucky froze. You rubbed your eyes sleepily, snuggling in your boyfriend’s body warmth. A smile etched onto your face as you look up at Bucky.

“Hey there bubs, what’s on your mind?” Drowsiness in your tone, pressing a kiss to his jawline. Bucky grunted in approval. His shoulders are visibly relaxing.

“Mm ‘s nothing Doll,” he whispered. Rubbing your back and down, wrapping his metal arm around your waist, flushing you even closer than ever.

Sitting straight up, the blanket falling off your shoulders. You tilted your head and a pout formed on your face. Your hair is messy. Bucky couldn’t help but coo at the sight.

“It’s nothing when you’re breathing heavily and you’re being tensed beside me,” you said, intertwining his fleshed hand with yours. Kissing each knuckle of his.

Bucky sighed

“I’ve been thinking…” he said in thought

You’d waited patiently with him. Anytime he was like this, you’re always there by his side, always waiting patiently. He was thankful for how patient and understanding you were. It made him trust you and ensured him that you won’t be leaving out of his life, or at least he hopes so.

“After what hydra did to me, how much shit I had to go through. With you by my side, even after so many fights, breakdowns, and moments between us. I still can’t process how you’re still with me. Just you here is shocking for me…” Bucky said quietly, his voice dried from crying silently.

Your eyes were full of love as Bucky peered into your eyes. Shifting in Bucky’s hold to sit in his lap, you held his face in your hands. Kissing the tears away, you raked your fingers through his short disheveled hair. Caressing so tenderly, Bucky leaned closer. Your touches were so light and feathery that he couldn’t help but lean into it, wanting more.

“No matter how much you had gone through, no matter how you think you are broken inside or out. I’ll always, always, be there with you by your side.” You promised

Feeling so light-headed by how much love Bucky has received from you, he exhales a shaky breath he didn’t know he was holding. Nuzzling into your neck, he sobs. You waited until he came down from his breakdown, rubbing his back up and down soothingly. Whispering but sweet promises and words into his ear, only for him to hear. You hugged him as tight as you could, knowing how much Bucky needed this. It went on for a while. An hour or so had passed but you didn’t care. As long as you were holding Bucky in your arms, you couldn’t bring yourself to do anything but comfort him. No matter what, you’re not gonna lose him nor ever leave by his side. Sniffling into your arms, Bucky groaned. Aching from how stiff his muscles are, but he didn’t care. He needed you to hold him tight. He never knew how much closure he needed until he met you.

Just thinking about all the memories Bucky and you had gone through together made his heart swell. He remembers how you would scrunch up after trying out the vodka for the first time when you had an assigned mission by Tony at Russia about some leading evidence. How you would dance in your pajamas in the Stark tower kitchen while jamming to your favorite song as you cook breakfast for yourself. Bucky remembers how you had defended him when the new recruits of shield agents behind his back. How you would prank Sam and Clint whenever you felt mischievous, oh how he helped you pranked them. Bucky smiled watching you laugh at how priceless Sam and Clint’s reactions were and he remembers how he watched you running away as Sam and Clint chased you around. Almost pushing Tony into a wall by accident.

Recalling the memories of you taking care of Sam’s nephews and how caring and motherly you were towards them. You’d always make sure they are properly fed and taken care of whenever Sam took his nephews to visit your guy’s apartment. Bucky saw how much kids meant to you, how you adored each kid you meet. You were such a mother figure, to not only kids but adults as well. He rolled his eyes when he remembered how you were a mother hen towards Tony, Natasha, Bruce, and Loki when they cause such a reckless mess. He could hear how you would always ground them teasingly—with their time-out corner hats. Bucky laughed at the hilarious sight.

Bucky wonders how you would act as a mother if you and he had kids of your own. Bucky blushed at the thought. You would be such a good mother to your own kids. A possessive feeling was deep down in his stomach he knew all too well. Maybe….Just maybe….Would you like to start a family? No, no, no, he knew you would like to start a family. But, would you like to start a family with him? Bucky’s thoughts were cut off when he felt you leaning away from his touch.

“...Mmm’ Doll?” Bucky grunted

You stilled before relaxing. Instinctively reaching out to play with his hair. Bucky grunted in approval.

“Yes, Buck?”

“I need to confess you about something…” Bucky said under his breath. You nodded your head, waiting for him to speak up.

“...”  It took a moment but Bucky opened his mouth.

“How would you feel about starting a family, with me that is.”

“We’ve been together for almost five years together and I know how much you’ve talked about wanting to start a family when we grow old but we never founded the right time,”

“I just thought that if you want, we could start trying. I mean...You don’t have to,”

“I just don’t want you to feel pressured or do anything you do want to do—”

You interrupted Bucky with peppering kisses to his face. You teased him; planting kisses anywhere but his lips, Bucky whined. Snickering, you kissed him. Bucky tilted your chin for better access to kiss you, pouring all his love into the kiss. You both pulled away breathlessly, needing a breath for air. You stared at Bucky’s crystal blue eyes with a teary smile on your face. Bucky’s face contorted in concern.

“Yes, yes, yes!” you quickly shouted, startling Bucky. His blue eyes widened.

“Doll... ‘S okay, you don’t have to say feel like you have to say yes because of me” he frowned

You rolled your eyes, bringing Bucky into a chaste kiss. You put your forehead to his and closed your eyes, sighing heavily

“Buck, we’ve been together for almost six years and we’ve been through so much shit together and at first we thought we were going to fall apart but here we are, going at it strong and more determined than we were before.”

“I saw the way you gazed at me whenever I took care of Sam’s nephews whenever Sam had a mission. The way you longed for a family, how you always wanted—for us to start our own family. And I gotta say, as much as I joked about starting a family in the past,”

“I think I’m ready…” You whispered

Inside, you felt relieved and quite cheerful about starting a family with your lover. Just smiling at the thought of having your own kids running around in your guy’s home, something lit up inside of you about becoming a mother. You just knew you guys would be falling like the stars ever since you met those crystal blue eyes across the meeting room with Fury. Placing your hands on his chest, looking down. Bucky crept his hands up, intertwining with yours on his chest near his heart. Bucky felt happy knowing you agreed to start a family with him. His possessive side never felt this happy before and it was soaring hot inside his stomach; along with millions of butterflies fluttering deep down.

“Well why don’t we get started now?” he smirked. His crystal blue eyes darkened.

Standing up, Bucky lifted you off the couch. Your eyes widened in surprised feeling Bucky manhandling you with one arm; tossing you onto his shoulders. You squealed when you felt a hand against your ass. Bucky chuckled as he headed towards your guy’s shared bedroom.

Biting your lip for the anticipation that about to happen in your guy’s bedroom as you sat on the bed with Bucky hovering over your neck with love bites. You couldn’t wait to start a family with him; Bucky more so than you.

[tlcwrites]

Two Hearts Make a Whole

Prompt: “Kiss me again, like you mean it.” Photo prompt below.

Summary: NYC Pride is for celebration, and occasionally, long-overdue revelations.

Word Count: 2,001

Tags/Content warnings: Marvel. Stucky. If you have a problem with it, there's the door. SFW. Slight TFATWS spoilers so read at your own risk. Platonic Reader. Two idiots in love. Technically canon-divergent because I'm still in my everyone-is-alive-and-in-this-timeline happy place that I will never ever leave fuck you very much Russo brothers but not AU. Found family. All the feels. Complete and total LGBTQ+ support. Lots of bad language words because #me. Un-beta'd.

Author’s Note: Okay so yes this is technically 4 weeks late for @autumnleaves1991-blog's Writer Wednesday weekly challenge. BUT, it was incredibly important to me to finish this one before Pride month is over. Made it by the skin of my teeth.

Happy Pride, y’all. If you’re out, you’re amazing. If you’re closeted, you’re amazing. However you identify is valid and important. Trans folx are LGBTQ+. Bisexuals are LGBTQ+. Ace folx are LGBTQ+. Anyone who identifies or thinks they may be as queer is LGBTQ+. All are welcome in the family. You have the right to choose your pronouns and we have the responsibility to use them. Live whatever your truth looks like to you and love each other. Love is love is love is love. If your family doesn’t accept you for you, I’m your mom now and I’ve got mom hugs available on demand. Homophobes and TERFS can fuck off and roll in poison ivy. Always punch Nazis. Pride shouldn't be limited to the month of June. And don’t you dare forget that Black and Brown trans women were the ones who rioted at Stonewall, and we owe everything to their bravery. Don’t forget that much of popular ‘gay’ culture was appropriated from Black women. And for more facts about Pride that you should absolutely know, Rawiyah Tariq (@ mammyisdead on Instagram) has a phenomenally good overview.

“Oh my god.” You gasp loudly. "Oh my GOD. Is that-"

“What?!” Instantly in First Avenger Protective Mode™️, Steve surveys the crowd, wishing he had an actual shield instead of the screen printed one on his shirt. “What is it?”

You gasp again, smacking Sam’s arm repeatedly. “OHMYGOD IT IS HOLY FUCK.”

“First; ow.” Now-Cap rubs his bicep. “Second; clue in the class before Steve has an aneurysm, please.”

Vibrating with excitement doesn’t begin to describe your current state. “HER ROYAL HIGHNESS MISS LEMON MERINGUE IS STANDING RIGHT FUCKING THERE.”

With the finesse of a shampoo commercial, Bucky's dark locks fly as he whips around. “What?!”

“RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE.” You abandon a relieved Sam and latch on to Bucky’s vibranium arm. “Oh my GOD I love her so fucking much.”

“She was robbed, absolutely fucking robbed,” he agrees, craning his neck to get a better view. “Divine Tension’s lip sync was shameful.”

Sam glances at Steve, who is slowly coming out of protector mode. “What the ever-loving hell are they talking about?”

“RuPaul’s Drag Race.” Nat flicks more confetti at both Cap-the-former and Cap-the-current. “They watch it every week.”

“Really, Steven, for a guy with enhanced super senses, you miss a lot.” Tony hefts a bedazzled Morgan higher on his back. The toddler, accompanied by Scott playing air-piano on the ground, sings along with the ABBA song being blasted at full volume through the street. Tony continues as if this is an everyday occurrence. “Why do you think both of your People disappear every Friday evening?”

Ears pink, Steve mumbles something.

“What?!” The only other one with hearing enhanced enough to hear a murmur over the cacophony of several thousand people belting out the chorus of ‘Dancing Queen’ at the top of their lungs, Bucky turns to stare at his friend. “You thought we were datin’?”

Steve’s blush extends down his neck.

You and Bucky stare at each other for a moment before you both collapse on each other, exploding into stomach clenching, thigh slapping laughter.

“I’m gonna guess that’s a ‘no’?” Clint confirms with Nat.

“Oh, a big ‘no’.” She watches affectionately as you and Bucky calm down enough to look at each other, breathe for a second, and both promptly dissolve into hysterics once more. “Like, the biggest ‘no’.”

Sam crossed his arms across his chest, his stoic stance so reminiscent of Steve it’s amusing (as well as a beautiful disparity to the sequined crop top he’s sporting. Oof, those abs.). “How do I not know about this?”

“Because you’re not a former super spy?” The usually-Black-but-today-Rainbow Widow tosses the last of her confetti at Tony, who spins a jubilant Morgan into it. “Or because you and that leggy barista from the lobby coffee shop are too busy playing hide-the-“

“-Baby Shark!” Morgan suddenly shrieks, flailing towards a guy on roller blades wearing a fin and tail (and not much else).

“Yeah,” Nat finishes with a smirk, “Hide-the-Baby Shark.”

Sam flips her a gesture that makes Clint laugh and Bruce sigh.

You and Bucky have finally managed to pull yourselves together. “Oh my god, Steven Grant,” you gasp, wiping tears from your eyes. “That’s the funniest fucking shit I’ve ever fucking heard.”

“Language!”

Steve glares at Tony. “One. Time. It was one. Time.”

Bucky slings his flesh arm around Steve’s shoulders. “Oh, punk. You may have perfect vision now, but sometimes you’re still as blind as you were before.”

Visiortn himself nods sagely. “Humans can be quite unperceptive when it comes to matters of the heart.” Vision casts a fond smile at Wanda, who is using her powers to make Pietro’s tinsel wig fly on and off. “Sometimes you have to look harder to see what’s right in front of your nose.”

A confused frown on that handsome face, Captain Clueless looks at Bucky. “Why do I feel like everyone else knows something that I don’t?”

His bestie sighs deeply. “Because, Stevie, almost everyone else on this planet knows that my tastes tend towards tall, blonde, blue-eyed knuckleheads who have zero sense of self-preservation.”

“And an ass you could bounce a quarter off of,” Scott helpfully supplies.

“And that,” Bucky agrees.

Steve frowns.

You press your palms to your eyes in vexation. “You, Steve. He’s talking about you.” (Seriously, how has this idiot survived for over a century while being so dumb?)

Whatever he was expecting, it was certainly not that. “He-“ The Man With A Plan gapes as he turns to his oldest friend. “You-“

“Me,” Bucky says gently.

Even though you’re slightly surprised that Bucky is going to do this in such a public forum, you can’t help but be so proud of your friend. It has taken a long time for Bucky to believe he deserves to be happy. There are days he still sinks into that dark place, where his inner demons whisper that he should have fought harder against his Hydra captors, and that his past actions were still somehow his fault. Those are the days no amount of baking or Modern Marvels will bring him out of his funk. You, Steve, Sam, and Nat have all held those strong shoulders as they shook with sobs, overwhelmed by the shame and horror at what his hands had done without his consent.

But he’s here. He’s free. And he’s smiling nervously at his best friend.

“I-” Steve is short-circuiting. “Me?!”

“Stevie.” With the kind of tender patience that can only be born of a lifetime of keeping (or attempting to keep) an idiot such as one Steven Grant Rogers from flinging himself headlong into every fight he comes across, Bucky moves his flesh hand to the back of Steve’s neck. His face is full of such soft affection that you almost want to look away for fear of intruding on this suddenly intimate moment. “What do you think ‘til the end of the line’ means, you idiot? You’ve been it for me since I was thirteen-years-old.”

Blue eyes are locked with blue eyes as Steve processes this revelation. “I-” He shakes his head as if to declutter his thoughts. “This whole time?”

“Since the first time I saw that asshole knock you down, and your scrawny ass climbed right back up.” A wry chuckle escapes as Bucky reminices. “You were ninety pounds soaking wet, and you stood there, against a guy who was three times your size, and never waivered for a second. It was magnificent.”

“I don’t like bullies,” is Steve’s quiet response.

Bucky’s grin is adoring. “I know, sweetheart.” He gently strokes the back of Steve’s neck with his thumb. “You’ve always had a heart way bigger than your brain.”

Steve is still back on the first part of Bucky’s admission. “If you’ve felt- if you-” He’s practically pleading. “Why didn’t you say anything then?”

Bucky shrugs, attempting and failing nonchalance. “It was a different time, you know?” He’s uncharacteristically unsure of himself, the subtle waiver in his voice revealing the anxiety born of a lifetime of being forced to hide his truth. “I mean, you remember how it was; you didn’t talk about, no one talked about- about being- about people like...” He swallows thickly.  “And I was so scared you didn’t, that you weren’t-” His voice breaks.

Even though you’ve all been emotionally invested in this love story for years, the entire team respectfully pretends not to listen as the former Winter Soldier quietly admits his deepest secret to his closest friend. It’s enraging as Bucky confesses yet another way he's been a victim of his circumstances, and denied his right to live freely without derision. Once more, you’re awed by his resilience.

“-it was a risk I couldn’t take,” Bucky finally gets out, that stubborn fire back in his eyes. “I couldn’t lose you, Steve. I couldn’t chance it. I could live with just being your friend and only your friend so long it meant you were in my life.”

Stunned silence meets the end of his confession. Steve’s face is impassive, those cerulean eyes uncharacteristically inscrutable.

You can all tell Bucky is heading steadily towards dread and heartbreak the longer Steve takes to respond. You and Sam exchange a look, both ready to intervene if Steve demonstrates any of the abhorrent attitudes that were so prevalent in the society of his youth. It would be completely out of character for him, but...

Finally, Steve speaks. “You’re telling me,” he says, his words slow and deliberate, “that you made me wait ninety-three years to tell me you’ve felt the same way about me as I have about you since the day you picked me up out of that alley?!”

The whole found family breaths a collective sigh of relief as Steve pulls Bucky even closer, broad chest to broad chest.

“Okay, to be fair, you were an ice cube for most of that time and I wasn’t exactly available for a relationship.” Bucky’s grin stands in contradiction to his mullish defense. “But yeah, that’s the gist of it.” There’s the Bucky you all know and love, biting his lip with those perfect white teeth. “Now, punk, I’d really like to kiss you now, but first I need you to say you want me to.”

“You-” Steve’s throat works as he attempts- and fails- to rein in his emotions. “You jerk.”

And then the Star Spangled Man seizes the president of the Sometimes-Former-Assassins Club by his ridiculously perfect face and crashes their mouths together.

At any Pride event, seeing two men kissing is, obviously, to be expected. But seeing The First Avenger and The White Wolf attempting to swallow each other’s tongues is not at all routine. As people realize what is happening, the crowd is whipped into a frenzy the likes of which is usually reserved for the aftermath of sporting events and elections that defeat fascists.

Watching the two men embrace, Scott sniffles loudly. “I’m gonna cry, I’m so happy.”

He’s certainly not the only one. Wanda has a watery smile as she wraps her arms around Vision and Pietro; Pepper, Tony, and Bruce are watching with fond parental energy; you and Sam sandwich Peter between the two of you, grins practically splitting your faces. Even Nat’s eyes look suspiciously shiny and she and Clint sling their arms around each other with platonic affection. And that’s not counting the several thousand people who are cheering for love being love being love being love.

When they finally break their embrace, the Centennial twins are startled to see they’ve collected quite an audience.

“Uh, so…” Suddenly bashful, Steve glances back to his- partner? Boyfriend? Soulmate? Is there a word that can accurately describe two people who have found each other time and again in a world that seems hell-bent on keeping them apart?- his ears practically maroon with embarrassment. For a guy with one of the most-recognized faces in the world, Steve is still incredibly and endearingly uncomfortable with attention. “Buck?”

Bucky seems just as stunned as Steve.

Thankfully, the masses demonstrate the usual support that’s the hallmark of Pride. “LOVE IS LOVE!” someone screams in the crowd. It’s quickly echoed, and chants fill the park.

The attention momentarily off them, the former Winter Soldier and his giant himbo of a soulmate look back at each other. You pretend not to watch through the happiest tears as they embrace again, bringing their foreheads together. The relief they share is palpable, as they’re finally able to show the world- and each other- the love they’ve each hidden for so long.

Bucky’s voice is so soft you have to strain to hear it. “You have no idea how much m’in love with you, Stevie.”

“Pretty sure I do,” Steve answers, bringing a hand up to carefully wipe the tears from Bucky’s face. “‘cause it’s as much as I love you, Buck.”

Bucky's answering grin can only be described as saucy. “Then kiss me again, like you mean it.”

And Steve, for once in his long life, does exactly as ordered.

---

A/N: “The Sometimes-Former-Assassins Club” is from Starry_Emerald173’s BRILLIANT The Avengers Wrangler over on AO3. If you haven’t read it yet, drop what you’re doing and do so immediately. Make sure you're not drinking any liquids, or your keyboard/phone may be in peril.

[kythed]

synopsis: it’s a tragic case of boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl has a boyfriend. [un]luckily for you, semi doesn’t play by the rules... and you don’t really want him to.

tagged: semi eita x reader, fluff, mediocre writing.

commitment level: 2,583 words.

table of contents | next chapter >>

They say young love is a rite of passage. They say it’s fresh and light, it’s wading in the shallows of a swiftly flowing river and letting the deliciously frigid water take you wherever it flows. They say young love comes easily. 

But they don’t tell you youth is not a remedy for pain. They don’t tell you the cold of that water burns your skin, too — it leaves your fingertips numb and kisses your palms an angry red. They say “it’s just puppy love,” but they don’t tell you puppies grow into wolves. 

+

You’re eighteen when you first meet Semi Eita, and he’s twenty-two. It’s not a highly significant age gap, but it’s noticeable enough. 

“She’s a baby,” he says, eyes grey as the southern sea and just as unforgiving. Though he’s young, the weight of an iron giant rests on his slender shoulders. 

“She’s talented, Semi,” says Akamine, tone wheedling. He fiddles with the lapels of his coat — it’s Italian, all cream silk and bronze buttons. “She’s capable.” 

Twenty year old Akamine Keo is a trust-fund kid, born into the arms of an oil empire he’ll someday fall heir to. He’s charming, clever, and sweet, with distinctly expensive good looks, fine features and black hair like raven’s feathers. He also happens to be your boyfriend. 

“That means nothing,” Semi says, peering into your face. An uncomfortable chill tickles the back of your neck as you fight the urge to look away. “There are toddlers who can shred Led Zeppelin, but they’re not musicians. They’re puppets controlled by overzealous tiger moms. They can’t take the heat of the real industry.”

“I can take the heat.” Your words bleed out heavy and sharp, a rough gash through the palpably thick tension. Fingernails leaving painful half-moons on your palms, you clench and unclench your fists down at your sides. “And I can sure as hell shred better than any toddler.”

For a split second, surprise flashes across Semi’s face, only to be quickly replaced by a wry smile. “Brave.” 

You stare at him, lips sucked in and eyes narrowed as Akamine slings an arm over your shoulders and presses a kiss to your temples. 

“See?” he says with a laugh. “She’s talented, capable, and brave.”

“Well,” says Semi, drawing the word out. He cocks his head, giving you one last hard once-over, before extending a hand for a firm shake. “We’ll see. I’ll give you two months. A trial.” 

You accept this compromise, returning the shake. Semi’s still skeptical, you can tell, but you make a vow to yourself — you’re about to blow this sonuvabitch out of the water. As Akamine crows in delight, Semi’s eyes don’t leave yours. 

Good luck, they seem to be saying. You’ll need it. 

You smile, and he smiles back. 

I won’t. 

+

Semi’s a phenomenal bassist. When you’d first started dating Akamine and he’d just joined Semi’s band, he could scarcely shut up about it — “His name’s Semi Eita, and I swear he’s got magic in those fingers, babe.” 

Well, Semi Eita’s about to be dethroned, because your fingers are magic, too. 

For those two months, you’re the band’s lead guitarist, and you pass Semi’s test with flying colors. It takes a couple weeks to fall into step with the other guys — Semi on bass, Akamine on drums, and a quiet college kid called Yasuda on keys — but you’re a quick study, and soon you’re a cornerstone, expertly weaving searing arpeggios of dashed dreams and fiery hopes up and down the band’s underlying tunes. 

(You should’ve seen it coming.)

You and Semi somehow become co-songwriters. He has a knack for melodies, and you have a knack for lyrics. Akamine doesn’t seem to mind the long hours you spend in Semi’s company, working in a whirlwind of messy notes and empty energy drink cans — he trusts you. 

(Sometimes you feel like maybe he shouldn’t.)

“What do you think of this?” Semi says, idly twirling a pencil between his fingers. It’s 10pm on a Friday night, and you’re stretched out on his couch, inhaling chow mein from a greasy paper box. “For the second verse, I mean.” 

“Lemme see,” you say around a mouthful of noodles, snatching the paper from his hand. You furrow your brow. “‘Tear me open like a scarlet letter, cruelly addressed ‘return to sender…’’ Jeez, Semi. Who hurt you?” 

Semi scowls. “It’s a breakup song, isn’t it? It’s supposed to hurt.” 

“You might consider being a little more… subtle,” you suggest, offering him a fortune cookie. He takes it and sets it aside.

“Heartbreak isn’t subtle,” he says, shooting you a look that speaks of throbbing phantom wounds. “It cuts deep. All the way down to the heart. Hence the name heartbreak.” 

“Wow. I had no idea,” you say drily. You swing your legs over the couch and sit upright, snatching his pencil. “I just think we should tackle this with nuance, not just write another ‘eff you’ ballad.” 

“This world can always use another ‘eff you’ ballad,” Semi says humorlessly, resting his chin in his hand. 

You regard his suddenly silent demeanor as he stares, unseeing, out the window. It’s dark outside, and it’s a darkness that speaks less of peaceful sleep and more of emptiness. 

You sigh, nudging him with your foot. “What was her name?” 

“What?”

“Her name. This demon of a girl that hurt you so badly.” 

For a moment, it seems he’s going to argue, to deny ever being afflicted with something so childish as lovesickness. Then he runs a defeated hand through his hair and shakes his head, laughing. “You’re too curious for your own good.”

You wait. There’s a brief, uncomfortable silence as Semi chews his lip.

“...Her name was Aiko,” he says finally, inspecting his nails with a faux nonchalance. “Smokin’ hot. Met her in music school three or so years ago, I think — she was a TA, a few years older than I was.”

“Older women, huh?” you tease. This is new territory — you’re dipping a toe into the forbidden arena of flirtation. A shadow of guilt creeps into the back of your mind as you think of Akamine, but the bright light of Semi’s crooked grin swiftly flushes it away.

“Yeah,” he says, leaning over to flick your leg. “I don’t date babies like you.” 

“Maybe you should consider it,” you say, unthinking. Semi stares at you, eyebrow raised, and you flush, frantically backtracking. “Not me specifically. I’m just saying — well, I mean, ‘cause this Aiko chick was such a bad time and everything.” 

“If you have a crush on me, just admit it,” Semi says. You’re sure it’s meant to come across jokingly, but the way he’s eyeing you twists your stomach into a pleasurable knot. Then he sighs, leaning back on his arms. “She was a great time, actually. It’s the ending that sucked ass.” 

The question lingers at the tip of your tongue, hesitant like an ill-trained acrobat, but before it even attempts the leap, Semi answers.

“It burned.” He looks straight at you, and you can taste the bitterness in his words. “It burned, and not a day goes by that I can’t remember how awful it felt.” 

+

That’s the first of the many secrets you trade with him. 

Later that night, you tell Semi about your first kiss, about how the recipient smelled like Old Spice and tasted like chapstick, how he walked you to your front door and introduced himself to your mom. About how he took your virginity six months later, and how you soon realized there are some things in life you don’t get an exchange receipt for. 

Semi tells you his favorite color is green, and that outer space scares him more than anything. (He doesn’t like thinking about life in other galaxies because he can hardly handle thinking about life right here.)

You tell him you like milk tea with 75% sweetness, and he promises he’ll take you to his favorite cafe sometime. (“Not a date,” he assures you, and you internally scold yourself for wishing it was one.)

He says he once accidentally kicked a stray cat while trying to find a volleyball he lost in the bushes near his house, and that’s why he considers himself a cat person now: as repentance. (He has a pet cat called Haru, and he shows you a picture — Haru is small and black with bright yellow eyes. You say he’s cute, but Semi corrects you: “Not cute. Fierce.”) 

You say you used to wish life had a restart button, so you could turn back time and dance through each year without making a single mistake.

Semi says he still wishes that. 

(Another thing they don’t tell you is how secrets are really currency. Secrets can’t help but pay for familiarity, and familiarity often leads to something more.)

+

It’s a couple weeks later when you have your first gig. It’s at a bar downtown, and Yasuda nabs fakes for you and Akamine, though you don’t plan on drinking. Not much, anyways. 

(Speaking of Akamine, your relationship with him has grown strained over the past month. He’s stretched himself thin between the band and his business degree, and you — well, whenever your phone pings, you can’t stop hoping it’s from Semi.)

Five minutes before show time, Semi turns to you, eyes wide. “We don’t have a band name.” 

“What?”

“We don’t have a band name.” He looks around, frantically trying to draw inspiration from something in the dimly lit bar. “Quick, think of something.” 

So you think for a moment, chewing your inner cheek, before reaching out and tugging on Semi’s sleeve. “Paper.”

“Paper?”

“Paper.”

Paper is fragile, it’s thin, it’s easy to come by. But it’s also a world of potential on one sheet, a story waiting to be written. 

When the bar owner walks onto the stage and introduces the band, you know you’ve made the right decision. And from the glittering smile Semi flashes you before nodding at Akamine to count you in, you know he thinks so too. 

The show goes on without a hitch, and even though the bar is far from packed, you’re just as proud as you’d be playing in a stadium of screaming fans. The air smells of stale whiskey and fresh beginnings, and as your fingers dance up and down your Gibson’s fretboard, you hear colors — rich teal, smooth mahogany, creamy gold and silver brighter than the stars. Akamine keeps the rhythm like a war drum, and Semi, as always, is perfect. Yasuda, doubling as the main vocalist, sings until his voice gets wonderfully low and raspy, keyboard taking some of the heat as he grins back at you, mouthing how badly his throat hurts.

You’re sweaty when the set’s done, and Akamine buys you a drink, giving you a quick, half-hearted kiss and a tired smile.

Akamine’s always been kind to you.

“I gotta go,” he says, squeezing your hand. “Essay due tomorrow at ten.” 

He looks so genuinely sorry to leave, you almost feel guilty. 

+

You’re packing up your amps into the back of Semi’s van, alone in the parking lot save for the moon many miles above, hanging bright and full in a clear sky. The moon has seen all your most indulgent sins, and she’s going to see one more tonight.

“You did well.” Semi heaves the last of the equipment into his truck before turning to you, wiping his palms on his jeans. “Consider me impressed.”

“Why, thank you,” you say, giving him a mock bow. “So glad I’ve finally managed to impress the Semi Eita.” 

He regards you for a moment, arms crossed. A small sigh escapes his lips. It’s both a sigh of resignation and one of anticipation. 

Then, in one smooth motion, he steps close, reaches out, and pulls you close by the waist. 

You stare up at him, all too aware of the heat radiating from his body. His skin is burning, and his cologne is different from Akamine’s — it’s not expensive, it’s not a multilayered, deep, woody scent. It’s cheap, the sort of cologne a struggling musician can afford, but it smells of home.

“Forgive me for what I’m about to do,” he whispers, sliding a hand up your jaw to cup your face. His hair glows silver and ghostly under the streetlamps. 

“And what are you about to do?” Your voice is deadly quiet, and your chest feels a deathly cold despite Semi’s proximity, refusing to thaw as you await his answer. 

“Kiss you absolutely senseless.” 

Semi’s never been one to make empty promises, and right now is no exception. He presses his lips to yours and you immediately melt into his arms, suddenly craving him and only him. You’re not entirely sure how you’ve managed to avoid devouring him whole up until this point, because he kisses like Eros, full of pomegranate seeds and crimson blossoms, of days spent in clandestine bliss. He kisses like a man on death row, desperate and longing, hands squeezing your waist like your body is his only anchor to life itself. 

Semi Eita wants to be a rockstar, but right now he’s just a boy kissing a girl he’s bound to fall deeply, inexplicably in love with. 

When he finally breaks away, you’re breathless, staring up at him like you’ve just seen an angel. Your hands are still curled in the front of his shirt, you’re still standing on tiptoe, lips just inches from his. 

“Semi…” You swallow hard. “Akamine’s a good guy… I can’t.”

Semi tenses his jaw, taking a finger to lift your chin. “Then why are you looking at me like that?” 

Your voice is barely above a whisper. “Like what?”

“Like you’re hungry.” 

He’s got you there. 

You’re standing on a balance beam splitting two vastly different worlds. On one side there’s the known: Akamine and his bright, blue-eyed optimism, his willingness to shoulder burdens he shouldn’t have to. There’s his sweet touch and soft kisses, his firm words of reassurance and his sunny laughter shedding light on your hidden depths. 

The known is comforting. It’s familiar. 

But on the other side… there’s the unknown. There’s Semi Eita in all his scalded glory, his sharp tongue and headstrong determination. There’s his burning touch, his fingers leaving scorch marks on your cheek and his lips depositing glowing embers in your mouth, ready to ignite at a single inflammatory word. There’s his moonstone enigma, the shadow underlying his every sentence like smudged eyeliner. 

The unknown is frightening, almost overwhelmingly so… but there’s something in you, something willful and terribly thirsty, that draws you to this unknown and the possibility of knowing it. 

“Because I am.” 

And you grab his face and pull it down to yours, impatient, frustrated by months of dancing around that painfully tangible attraction, that magnetism — finally, you allow yourself to fall, hurtling through a chasm of fallen stars and ancient suns, hanging on to nothing but Semi and his carefully guarded secrets. 

You kiss him hard, pouring your soul into his mouth, all your youthful doubt and hope. You knot your fingers in his hair, and he pulls you into his chest, pressing your body so close it’s as if he wants to make it a part of himself. 

And when you part for the second time, chest heaving, you know you’ve fallen completely, entirely, without a doubt. 

[sunaswife]

A Suna Rintarou Series

Summary: Suna was the best boyfriend you could ask for, after fighting with your inner demons that screamed you were ugly, worthless, and annoying. You finally decided to go the next step with your boyfriend, only to find out it was all a game.

A/N: PART 19 two more chapters and dis shit gonna be over

Warnings: underaged drinking, smut, guys talking badly about women, heartbreak, messed up shit that you shouldn’t do and a bit of fluff if you squint

Disc ten-slide one: Kageyama Y/N 🤍

The metro moved quickly and just like that the team was on their ways to nationals. You and Suna were dragged to the coach’s office the day after you broke up since you slapped him in the middle of practice because he wouldn’t leave you alone. He didn’t understand personal space and he didn’t understand that leave me alone meant leave me alone. You didn’t want to see him, talk to him, or breath the same air as him.

But Kita had his arms crossed and said “I don’t want to know the details and if you’re not together then that’s fine. But what’s not fine is you making Y/N uncomfortable and you slapping Suna. Next time let me know and I’ll be there to talk to him.”

Honestly you wished Kita-senpai was your older brother.

The whole team sat in one train car and you sat in the middle where the table was at along with Kita, Aran and Omimi. Aran and Omimi got the window seat and you with Kita got the seat in the middle due to you both having to go talk with coach once in a while. You were double checking to make sure all the information regarding the players were correct. You had their name tags and ID. You hummed as you went through ID to ID and you froze when you saw Suna’s.

As if god hated you or something Teenage Dream by Katy Perry started playing on the train speaker and you sighed and rubbed your tired eyes. “Are you sleepy?” Aran asked and looked away from the window. “Nah, I’m fine.” You answered and put Suna’s card away after checking to make sure his information was correct.

My missing puzzle piece

I'm complete

You sighed and turned to the seat across the walkway. “Agaki are you using your headphones?” You asked. “No you need ‘em?” He asked and you nodded. He reached into his bag and took them out. He tossed them to you and you caught them. You checked to make sure his beats connected to your phone and you put them over your ears. You pressed shuffle and Into you by Paramore came on, you skipped and skipped and skipped but love song after love song kept playing. You groan a little too loudly and you placed your phone on the table and little too loudly as well. Some of the players turned to you as well as Suna and the twins who had a perfect view of you.

“If I hear another fucking love song I’m going to lose it.” You groaned and put your head down.

Kita senpai patted your head and Aran patted your back. “Listen to work out music. It always keeps me pumped and focused.” Aran said. You nodded and sat up to grab your phone once again. You just needed the distraction. You scrolled through Spotify and looked through the playlists. You found one called confidence boost. You clicked on it and read some of the song titles. None of them seemed like love songs so you pressed shuffle and you heard That’s my Girl from a band called fifth harmony.

You layed your head back down and Suna saw the small smile that formed on your lips when you closed your eyes.

“Oh my god it’s Inarizaki. They got a manager! They didn’t have one last year.” You heard whispers left and right as you walked next to Kita in the front with the rest following behind. The whole group walked with confidence and players around were intimidated. Instead of the ponytail you always had on. You decided to let your hair down and you put on a white head band to match your white joggers.

It was the opening ceremony so everyone was huddled around the lobby waiting to be called in order to line up. You were talking with Akagi and from the corner of your eye you saw a boy tumbling your way. You turned to see the short boy falling right in your direction and you caught him by his armpits before he fell face first into your chest.

“Are you alright?” You asked and he quickly pulled away. “Y-yes—I’m sorry I—are you single?” He asked and you smiled softly. Before you could turn him down you recognized his uniform and your eyes widened.

Tobio is here.

You heard familiar yelling and you looked past the shorter boys shoulder to find your cousin gripping the shirt of an orange haired boy. You dropped your bag and moved past him and Agaki. “Y/N where are you going!” Akagi yelled earning the attention of Kita, the twins and your ex. (Oof I really said that lmao anyways)

Tobio heard someone yell your name so out of curiosity he turned and saw you running to him. He quickly let go of Hinata and he stumbled back when you hugged him. He moved back a bit and you went on your tippy toes so your chin could rest on his shoulder. He still had to bend down a bit and he squeezed you just as tight. “Boke we saw eachother less than a month ago. No need to—“ he stopped talking when he heard your sniffle and you were shaking. He didn’t know what to do or how to comfort you but he saw suga at a distance imitating him and using hinata to show him how to rub your back and comfort you.

“I’m such an idiot Tobio. Why did I give him my heart on a silver plate only for him to stab it?” You cried and he sighed. “Boys are stupid. The right one will come when the time is right.”

“Who are you and where is Tobio?” You asked and he smacked your head and you laughed while wiping your tears. “Did you kick his ass?” He asked. “I threw an empty coffee can at him and I slapped him.” You answered honestly and he smirked. “Good. He deserves it.” He said and punched your arm. You winced slightly and punched his gut causing him to lean forward in pain. You slipped out your phone from your pocket and you lifted his head close to yours to take a very very ugly photo to send to his mom because she wanted photos of her precious son.

The announcer on the speakers explained where the players should go and you quickly left to join your team after saying bye to Tobio and promising him that you’ll watch his game.

“I didn’t know Tobio-kun and Y/N-chan were related.” Atsumu told his brother and Suna as they watched what went down. “Thank god.” Suna sighed. “What’s his last name?” Osamu asked.

“Kageyama.”

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

Previously

Up next

Masterlist

A/N: 🤠 this is prob a shitty update but i just want a hug from Tobio and a head and back pat from Aran and Daddy Kita-senpai. This was all for myself I needed the comfort after my last update lmao 😭

🏷: @therealwalmartjesus @differentballooncollection @aaesuki @atsunflower @dope-squish @prettysetterboiss @june-phantom @tomo-uwu @austriasmariazelle @xrnia @katsulia @aprettyfruit @shut-your-eyes-kiss-me-goodbye @tvbiio @sun-daddy-yoriichi @kamenoyaki @ppangiiroo @loeyprivvv @kmskj92 @lovinnoya @tris-does-stuff @mokkeguts @sunaluvr6969 @bara-rose-would @sempiternal-amour @volleybloop @leykyuu @bokutoichigo @stfucanunot @tpwkatsumu @ohshirabu @shoutosimp @mqrinqcele @bokutosdivineass @anngelllla @toworuu @hidden-otaku-stuff @seijohiselite @caxsthetic @aquariarose @hhwanggu @bakuhoetoedoroki

[starlightsearches]

Someone Else Pt. 2

Hello friends! No official request for this one but a few people did say they’d like to see part two and it kind of just . . . happened ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  Here’s a link to part one if you missed it!

Warnings: Language, infidelity, minor sexual content, threats/violence against the reader, so much angst oh fuck, but a happy ending so i guess it cancels out?

    General Hux stares deeply at his own reflection, searching intently for any hint of this deception. His eyes travel up from the bottom of the mirror, catching the shine of his boots as they pass upwards, scanning his uniform, which—as far as he can tell—is immaculate, without a spot or wrinkle. He checks his face next (blank, impassive) before his eyes roam over his stark red hair—combed back, neat. Not a strand out of place. And yet he can’t escape the feeling deep down in his bones, the one that leaches into his consciousness every time he’s with you and she’s still lurking the back of his mind: everybody knows.

    Hux rolls his eyes and gives up on the hopeless view in the mirror, sliding it back into its hiding place before turning to face you. He needs another set of eyes if he wants to know the truth. “How do I look?” 

His heart stutters again when he meets your gaze—stuttering like it did when your palms brushed over his chest, your nails raking thin red lines into his already flushed skin—and thinking about it is fire in his lungs. You’re still looking disheveled: half-dressed, hair wild, and swiveling back and forth in his chair behind his desk, your feet propped up on the surface—a move that would bother him if it were anyone else but you. A smile crawls slowly across your face, your expression blissful as you respond, “you look very handsome.”

Gods, he’s blushing again. It had taken minutes for the color to drain from his face the first time, but a soft look and compliment from your parted lips and brings it all back, alerting anyone who would look at him to his red-hot shame. 

And when you see it, your smile turns sad.

You drop your feet from off his desk, straightening your own uniform with a little less care than Hux had, your steps tentative as you cross the distance between his desk and where he stands by the door—only a few feet, but it feels like miles when you stop just out of his reach, wrapping your arms around yourself, holding tight . . . like he wants to hold you, again. Hux balls his hands into fists, forcing them to remain at his sides, fighting the urge to brush his fingers over the edge of your lips, trace the delicate skin of your jaw. Peel the uniform from your shoulders and snuff out all of his unease with velvet kisses. Hux silences those desires. After everything he’s put you through, he hardly deserves to breathe the same air. 

You examine him with sharp eyes, willfully ignoring his inner turmoil that he’s sure you notice to focus on the matter at hand. Your inspection yields good results; you meet his eyes again with the slightest frown.

“You look the same as before,” you say, corners of your mouth pulling down further, brows furrowing, “no one will be able to tell.” Hux lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, a mixture of shame and relief filling the empty space in his lungs.

Had he always been such a coward? Hux had never thought of himself as one to give into such base wants, but so far he’s been totally unsuccessful in his attempts to resist you, to bide his time until he’s dealt with the root of the problem. No, he keeps coming back, each time the last time, fucking you in cramped closets and over his desk while she’s warming his bed. Losing himself in the iridescent high of your body and ignoring the sharp pangs of your love that he leaves unopened in your waiting hands. 

Silence hangs, the air full of unsaid things and your lips part—words balanced on the tip of your tongue that would pierce like knives and Hux can’t hear them because it will hurt you to say them, and he’s already caused you so much pain. 

“I have to go,” he says, cutting you off before you get the chance, “Bristol will be back soon.” Her name is out of his mouth before he can think to stop it, and your face falls, a grimace crossing your features that you can’t remove quickly enough. There are tears pricking the corners of your eyes, he thinks, but he’s not close enough to know for sure. He doesn’t step any closer. 

“Alright.” You swallow hard, suck in a deep breath through your nose so that he won’t see you break, but the smile you plaster on your face chips at the corners, and it doesn’t reach your eyes. “I’ll be here.” 

The air in the room is stifling, filled with your deafening sadness, all the feelings you try to keep from him because you know it hurts him to see you like this and you care about him so damn much. You care too much. He doesn’t deserve you. 

“This,” he whispers, like if he’s quiet enough he won’t have to hear himself say it either, “can’t happen again.” It’s not the first time he’s said these words to you, but it breaks you just the same. If it goes on for much longer, he’ll never have the chance to put you back together.

“I understand.” You turn towards the back wall, unwilling to let him see you cry—for his sake or yours, though, he’s not sure. 

Hux leaves without saying goodbye.  

No one gives him a second glance when he steps out of his office doors and into the commotion of the bridge; his worries were unfounded, just as the rational part of him knew they would be. Still, the guilt only grows as he moves through the halls of the Finalizer, on his way to greet his wife.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. After the wedding, after that night in his office when you had kissed him for the first time and everything felt right, he had made plans—how to rid himself of Bristol and Pryde, plans to keep you at his side, love you the way you deserved to be loved. Plans that had crumbled like dust between his fingers the second he stepped foot off the transport to the Alfospar system.

He couldn’t explain it at that time, the way his resolve shriveled like paper in water when he first saw that gleaming city, the towers and spires of the royal home so different from the sleek, black halls of the Finalizer, towers and spires that Bristol had walked her entire life. Now he knows what caused it: the fear that gripped his heart. Not just fear. Inadequacy. He had looked to his new wife, saw the haughty determination in her features as she surveyed the grand palace with a look of utmost boredom, and he hated her. But he hated himself even more knowing that she was capable in ways he could never dream. She was born to rule. He had done everything imaginable to earn that kind power, and still he came short.

The two weeks in the palace passed in a color-leeched blur. Hux attended meetings. He met Bristol’s family. They consummated the marriage. And he never stopped thinking about you.

When he returned to the ship, he made new plans, plans to remove his heart with surgical precision, plans that would leave him empty and miserable for the rest of his life but would save you from him.

Those plans had crumbled, too, the moment you whispered in the darkness of your quarters, “I missed you, did you miss me?” and he had been too selfish to lie. That was the first time he had fallen into your arms, let you drown out his pain without any concern for your own.

His father had been right all along. Hux is spineless. Everyone else managed to see it. He wonders how he had you fooled for so long.

                 ______________________________

    You’re having trouble adjusting to the quiet. It’s a feat of engineering, really—a true testament to his genius—that the general’s office manages to be quieter than a grave despite the teeming world of the bridge that lives just outside it. It had been the quiet that had first made his office such an appealing location for these meetings. That, and no one would question your presence here.

    You had been careful from the beginning—given no indication of the affair, raised no suspicion, and had been ready to smother any rumor that might have spread. There was never a need for that kind of action; you covered your tracks. But sitting here in this demonic silence, you want to ruin it all. Turn every touch and kiss and loving look into a song, a battle cry. A death sentence. You want everyone to know what you’ve done. Maybe then you’d feel something.

    Your cheeks are sticky with long-dried tears, and you try to brush them off with a sleeve, a brittle laugh escaping your lips thinking back to the day of the wedding. At the time, you had believed your heart to be broken. What a fool you used to be. How little you had known about how it feels to set your heart gently into someone else’s waiting hands and then watch them shatter it.

    You stand from the chair abruptly, cutting off the image before it takes root in your mind. There’s no time for self-pity when you have work to do.

    You grab your data pad from where you left it on his desk, turning the screen face you. Your heart jumps a little in your chest when you see the messages light up the screen, but you’re left feeling sour. None of them are from him. 

    He did that sometimes, after he left you—occasionally sent an apology, told you that he hadn’t really meant what he’d said. Sometimes he wanted to see you again, already, and you’d go searching for whatever conference room or closet he had commandeered, the warmth pooling between your legs erasing any of the harsh feelings from the moments before. 

    But no message this time. Maybe he had meant it. Maybe he didn’t want you like he thought you did. Maybe he never had.

    You’re sure, now, that the uncertainty will eat you alive, burst from your chest like some grotesque thing and feast on every part of you, rip and tear and bite until it’s sated and you’re left in pieces. You wish it would. Death is better than waiting. 

There’s a gentle beep from your data pad, and you look down again, distracted momentarily from your spiraling. It’s an urgent alert, from one of the admirals. They need your help interpreting some notes the general gave them on a recent project proposal. 

You stop just before the doorway, taking in three deep breaths, letting the cool air wash away the fire of your thoughts. There would be time later to ruin yourself over this mess, when sleep evaded you in the late hours of the night cycle. For now, duty calls.

You move through the bridge with ease, reading the messages you had missed. Your eyes scan them with practiced precision, sorting them by urgency and responding to the ones you can take care of quickly as you journey deeper into the ship. It doesn’t take long for you to get lost in the process, the dark tiles passing underneath your feet unnoticed as you lose yourself in your work.

The sound of footsteps in the otherwise empty hallway pulls you out of your trance, and you look up briefly, more out of a passing curiosity rather than any real interest. Your heart grows cold when you catch her eyes, and the feeling spreads like ice over a body of water.

“Hello, your highness,” you try to keep any tension out of your voice as you address Bristol with a small bow, skirting around her in the hallway in your best attempt to avoid her sustained notice. Her eyes narrow when they focus on you, and the cold feeling shatters, the dread climbing up your legs like the water level rising in a sinking vessel.

“You,” there’s venom in her voice, a kind of hatred you never thought you’d inspire in anyone and you feel every barb of it when she latches on to you, gripping your upper arm with such strength that you can feel the indentations of her nails through the fabric of your uniform. 

The wall of the hallway meets your spine as you step back, your attempted escape only leaving you trapped, chest heaving as she stares you down like a predator. It’s clear in every aspect of her being that she’s ravenous.

“Well?” she snaps, and you flinch, the durasteel biting your shoulder blades as you try to gain as much distance as you can from her, straining every muscle in your body for any kind of relief, but she won’t let you take it, pressing you into the wall. “Where is he?”

    “I’m not sure where the general is right now, your highness,” you speak slowly, trying to gauge the direction of her anger, “I was under the impression that he’d gone to find you.”

    The moments pass in deathly silence, and the waiting stretches each second into a lifetime, but there’s nothing comprehensible in her expression. She’s wild, animalistic, the same fierceness you’ve seen in her as a leader now morphed into something frenzied and feral. It’s only a moment before it's lost, replaced with something extinguished and icy. Her grip on your arm tightens.

    “I know you’ve been fucking my husband.”

    You plunge into whatever depths she’s created for you, the shock of it short-wiring your brain and all you can do is gape at her, your mind refusing to form a single thought, let alone any string of words that might convince her to believe a lie. It’s too late anyway; your expression tells her everything she needs to know.

    “How dare you? Embarrassing me like this? I could end your life right here, and he’d have your replacement in his office tomorrow morning.” Each threat brings her closer until you can only see her in fragments—the corner of her mouth as she spits these vile words, the flash of fire in the depths of her eyes. Your heart rate spikes, a rush of adrenaline flooding your veins but your thoughts are still unfocused, without form or direction. Would she really kill you here, now? The look on her face tells you that she might.

    You struggle uselessly against her grip, but she’s got you pinned—one hand on your shoulder and a knee at your hip. Your body goes still when you feel the whisper of metal at your throat. You didn’t know she had a blade.

    “Gods, you’re just as pathetic as he is,” she laughs, quick and sharp, and the weapon quivers—you feel the gentle sting as it parts the first layers of your skin. The sting brightens as she pushes the blade further, leaning in close to whisper her parting words, “maybe you deserve each other.”

    A flurry of movement clouds your vision, and the pressure lifts; in the periphery of your thoughts you can hear the blade clatter to the ground. Your knees threaten to buckle as you lean more heavily against the wall, trying to find the source of your salvation.

The general is there, but as unlike himself as you’ve ever seen him. He looks like a storm, towering over her, shaking with rage. Like a force of nature—it’s the kind of anger you’ve never seen in him before.

Time stops. Understanding crashes into you. It's like you've been blindfolded, without even knowing it, and the covering has given way to an astonishing brightness when you first comprehend what this action means. The realization staggers you.

"You don't-" he can hardly get the words out as he seethes at Bristol, speaking through clenched teeth, "don't ever-"

Bristol quivers, aghast, and it seems that she, too, is seeing her husband with new eyes.

The hallway is filled with loud, echoey beats of a heart, and you're not sure who it belongs to. It strikes you, this sudden fear that someone might be watching these events unfold, that it might be their heart making these sounds, alerting you to their presence. You search the corridor, whipping your head from side to side but there are no prying eyes, no silent watchers, and your heart settles minutely.

You turn back to the general, wondering how he'll react to the news, but his eyes are only on you.

Bristol pulls herself from Hux's grasp and the tension reshapes itself as her mood shifts again, haughty as ever.

"So," she looks between you and the general, and as much as she'd like to hide it, her anger is not gone, "you've chosen the little whore. Interesting."

Hux ignores her statement, still watching you.

"I won't stand for this," Bristol goes shrill now, attempting to pull his attention but his eyes are locked in place and you burn under his gaze. He wants something from you, a confirmation, you realize. He wants to know that you're alright.

You nod—still hesitant, not entirely sure that this is what he's asking for—and only then does he look away, turning back to Bristol with a stare so cold you feel the chill. 

“The next breath you use to threaten anyone on this ship will be your last,” Hux speaks with an authority you’ve never heard him use around Bristol and she flinches, like she’s been slapped, “and you will stay away from my . . . assistant.” 

His eyes flash to yours again, full of unsaid things—a kind of apology for this lapse in language, but you understand perfectly. There are no words to describe what he means to you, either. 

Bristol laughs, one short barking sound, and you know she means to demoralize him, but Hux stands firm, unaffected. “You think you can scare me with empty threats? I’m sorry to say that I’m unimpressed. If only your father were here to see this-”

“But my father isn’t here,” Hux interrupts her, “he’s dead. Because I ordered it. And you should know,” he steps closer to her, his voice a deadly whisper, and she shrinks, “my threats are never empty.”

Bristol quivers slightly, unable to hide her fear and you don’t blame her. She gives up on threatening the general and looks to you instead, her eyes flashing with one last weak attempt to intimidate you before she stalks off, leaving the corridor empty. 

You search for something—anything—to say, your mouth gaping open as the general turns to look at you, but there’s nothing, your mind blank and empty of any feelings small enough to be condensed into a few words. 

There’s no need to shrink your feelings; before you can say anything, Hux has bridged the distance between you, pulling you into his arms with more force than you thought possible. It’s both suffocating and liberating—your lungs struggling for their next breath but your mind is euphoric when you can feel the press of him against you.

He has a hand around your waist, one cupped against the back of your head, and you can feel his whispered apologies as they brush against your hairline, followed by the slow drag of his lips. A low thrill crawls over your skin. How long had it been since he said he’d never touch you again? You’d live through that pain a thousand times if it meant you could experience this.

“Are you alright?” he pulls away slightly, just enough that he can look at you, the pad of his gloved thumb wiping away the thin streak of blood left by Bristol’s blade. His touch ghosts along the injury, but you still feel the sting, unable to hide the way you wince in response.

His thumb stills as soon as he catches the flicker of pain, and there’s deep fountains of regret pooling in his eyes, a sadness so complete you can’t fathom it.

“I’m- I’ll never be able to say,” he swallows, pulls in a shuddering breath, and you feel his hands threaten to part from you but you only hold him tighter, anchoring him to you, “how sorry I am for the way I’ve treated you.” 

The anguish spills over, and he’s crying in your arms a second time, quick tremors shaking his shoulders. You can’t collect the tears fast enough, brushing them away with shaking hands, silencing his fears with soft whispers.

“I love you,” he says through hiccuped speech, “and I always have. And, if you’ll have me-” you silence his doubts with a searing kiss. For you, there has never been—never could be—anyone else.

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Forever

One Shot- Out Of My League

Intro: Steve can tell Katie’s feeling a little bit down. But in true Cap style, he’s not gonna give up until he figures out why and a way to make it better….

Warnings: Bad language. NSFW (SMUT!) No under 18s.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N:  Someone once commented when reading Stark Spangled Banner that they felt like Katie loved Steve more than he loved her, and that got me seriously doubting the way I had written Steve as that is most certainly not the case. The pair of them are ridiculously in love and Steve is utterly besotted with his girl, and let’s not forget spent fifteen years alone in the past to ensure he could come back to her and live the rest of his days out with the love of his life. Also worth remembering he came back looking like Ari Levinson (it was the 70s) and he kept the beard simply because she liked it…what better declaration of love?!

With this in mind, I asked a few people what they thought and @icanfeelastormbrewing​ came back with a perfect song which she said she feels en-CAP=sulates (pun intended) Steve’s feelings towards Katie. So I’ve taken a different format to usual and pulled together a Song Based Fic based on a little request from @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​ for some soft Steve.

Written with Steve’s POV in mind.

The song is Stephen Speaks- Out Of My League. Take a listen, because it’s phenomenally beautiful.

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Stark Spangled Forever Masterlist // Main Masterlist

 September 2027

It’s her hair and her eyes today That just simply take me away And the feeling that I’m falling further in love Makes me shiver but in a good way

“Hey Pal.” Steve smiled softly, picking his baby son up out of the basinet. Instantly Harry’s soft whimpers died down as he pressed his face into his dad’s shoulder, his soft head nuzzling into the crook of Steve’s neck.

“You hungry?” He asked gently, carrying the six week old baby into the kitchen to grab him a bottle out of the fridge. Once he’d warmed it, checked it, he returned to the sitting room and began to feed him, Harry’s little cheeks working eagerly as he took his milk. Steve watched as his baby boy turned his bright blue eyes onto his and he smiled down at his son, gently adjusting his arms to make sure he was settled comfortably before he glanced up at the clock.

Katie should be back soon from dropping the elder two littles off and Steve was hoping that Rori had decided to get out of the damned car without a full on fight like the one he’d had with her the previous morning. His little Star Spangled Diva really wasn’t happy about the fact she had to go to Nursery when Harry could stay home all day. And she didn’t care when he’d explained to her that Harry was a baby and therefore was too little to go to nursery. She’d screamed and screamed and yelled about the fact that it wasn’t fair but her tantrum had simply made Steve even more determined get her out of the car and through the fucking door. In the end he had carried her in and explained to the familiar members of staff from Jamie’s time there, what was going on.They’d simply smiled at him, told him they’d dealt with worse (he didn’t voice the fact that he seriously doubted that) and he’d set her down on the floor, crouched in front of her and told her to be a good girl and he’d be back in a few hours, leaving her screaming behind him as he walked off. It had almost killed him but he was thankful it was him doing it and not Katie as she constantly doubted her decisions at a mother as it was and he knew that, despite all the teasing Katie did about Rori being Steve’s little Princess, she would be the one that caved and brought her home as she couldn’t bear to leave her behind, screaming.

Both of them loved Rori with everything they had, just the same as all their kids, but Jesus Christ she was the hardest one to deal with out of the lot of them, especially when she didn’t get her own way. Just like her mother, Steve often teased Katie, although he knew that deep down that was a slightly un-fair comparison. Whilst Katie was certainly prone to her little brat moments, she was utterly selfless when it came to the kids and her family and friends, one of the many things he adored about her.

Lucky’s ears pricked up, and his tail started to thump against the rug and moments later Steve heard the door open and shut. She walked into the living room and he instantly frowned at her face, he could see she’d been crying.

“Honey?” He asked, looking at her as she walked towards him, running her finger softly over Harry’s cheek.

“I literally fed him about an hour before I left.” She chuckled, avoiding Steve’s questioning eyes. “You and your damned serum.” Steve watched her as she sat down next to him, tucking her legs under her on the chair, her long hair falling over her face slightly.

“Katie,” he spoke a little more sternly and he saw her take a deep breath and turn her face to him, “what’s wrong? Was she a pain in the ass again?” “No, actually, she was perfect.” Katie smiled. “Got out of the car, walked in, smiled at everyone and headed off to play. I nearly fainted in surprise.” “So why have you been crying?” “I had a baby six weeks ago, it’s just hormones. Honestly, I’m fine.” Steve could tell she was lying, he always could. Her eyes avoided his as she couldn’t ever lie to his face. But whatever it was she didn’t want to tell him so he let it slide.

For now.

“Okay” he said, looking at her. “Anyway, I’ve been thinking, why don’t we head out for the afternoon?”

“Shouldn’t you be prepping ready for going back for your pre-term meetings next week?” She looked at him and he shrugged.

“I’ll catch up.” He said with a smile. “Spending time with you is more important.”

Katie smiled and peered over at Harry who had stopped drinking. Steve gently placed the bottle onto the coffee table and moved Harry so he was over his shoulder, rubbing at his back.

“Anywhere in mind?”

“Well,” Steve looked at her, “we really should get you a new car.”

“Steve, I’m not…” “Just, hear me out,” he said, silencing her. “I’m not asking you to get rid of the Camero, I know how much that car means to you.”

She looked down and took a deep breath. “I know it’s stupid, it’s a lump of metal but…” “Tony got it you, I know.” Steve said softly “But I’m driving it now all the time because you need the Audi for the kids so I thought maybe we should get another one. The Camero can be your little, I dunno, fun car.” “Fun car?” Katie looked at him, smiling as he shrugged.

“Yeah, one that we can snatch a drive in every once in a while when we’re alone. Although I know that hardly happens now.” Katie gave a chuckle, before she shrugged. “Okay, we could go car hunting I suppose.” “And grab lunch?” Steve looked at her.

“Sure.” She nodded before she smiled a little.

“What you thinking?” Steve asked. “How much I loved my range rover that I got for my twenty-first.” A fond look crossed her face. Steve smiled, that had been the car she’d had when he’d first met her, and it had been flatted under the triskelion.

“Yeah, that was a nice car. Why don’t we go and see about getting you another one?”

“Yeah, maybe…” At that point Harry let out a burp and both parents looked at him, Steve giving his head a kiss.

“Here, I’ll take him. You go get showered and then we can head out.” Katie gestured with her arms. Steve gently passed him over and she held him close, his head resting on her chest, his little legs supported by her arms. Steve stood up, dropped a soft kiss to his wife’s lips and then headed up the stairs to get changed.

***** All the times I have sat and stared As she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair And she purses her lips, bats her eyes and she plays with me Sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say

The car shopping went better than Steve had anticipated. The minute Katie had sat in one of the vehicles in the Range Rover showroom he’d seen her face light up, as she checked all the buttons and the various gadgets the car had, asking the sales man various questions. Forty minutes or so later, after a heavy negotiation during which his wife had almost reduced the salesman to a quivering wreck, they left, Katie having ordered a Firenze red Range Rover Velar. Katie had smiled at the colour, saying it reminded her of Tony’s Iron Man suit, which had made Steve chuckle a little at her confession.

And then she had suggested that they look for a newer car for Steve too. He’d protested at first, as he didn’t think he needed one but she’d shrugged and simply replied ‘when is anything we buy ever really about what we need?’

As a result, they’d swung into the Porsche showroom on their way back in, and an hour later Steve was the owner of a sleek silver Cayenne in a grey-blue colour, with tan leather interior which would be delivered in about ten weeks, not long before Katie’s was due. He’d fallen in love with the model the moment he had sat inside it. It was fancy, well finished, and felt beyond luxurious. And on the test drive he’d taken whilst Katie fed Harry again, it was fucking fast too, which easily satisfied his inner speed-demon.

“Well that was an expensive morning.” Steve grinned as they sat in the small bistro not far from Jamie’s school, Harry once more asleep in his pram as they both studied the menu.

“We’ve had worse.” Katie smiled and Steve snorted, taking a sip of his drink.

“Yeah, okay the house. I’ll give you that.” She smiled and Steve watched her glance through the menu, her hand brushing her hair back behind her ears as she bit her lip and studied the options for lunch. And there it was again, that look on her face, the one he knew meant something was bothering her. Before he had chance to push her further on it the waiter appeared and they placed their order. Steve opting for a pizza, because well he’d eat that stuff every meal of the day if he could, and Katie went for a chicken Caesar salad stating she fancied a change from her usual choice here of Carbonara. Steve waited until the man had bustled off before he reached over the table and gently took Katie’s hand.

“You gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, honestly.” She looked at him, and he sighed, shaking his head.

“You know I can tell when you’re holding back on me. I’ve known you for too long now sweetheart.” She looked down at the table and took a breath, “Steve, I don’t wanna talk about it, not here, not now.”

“Katie…” “Please.” She looked at him, her eyes wide as she shook her head “Don’t.” Steve took a deep breath and sat back, holding his hands up in surrender “Okay, but this is not the end of this conversation.” “Don’t I know it,” she grumbled, giving him a look, “you’re like a dog with a bone when you get going.” “I’ll give you a bone if you want.” He quipped, dropping his voice and leaning over the table. It wasn’t often he made a dirty joke like that in public, but it had the desired effect. Her cheeks flushed and she raised an eyebrow at him, a cheeky grin flitting across her face, whatever worry it was she had forgotten for the moment.

“Steven Grant Rogers.” She sniggered, shaking her head and he shrugged, leaning back in his chair, eyeing her over his beer as he took a sip.

“You don’t want?” He titled his head to the side. “I didn’t say that.” “So you do…”

“Piss off, Steve.” She laughed, making him grin again.

**** ‘Cause I love her with all that I am And my voice shakes along with my hands 'Cause she’s all that I see And she’s all that I need And I’m out of my league once again

“Daddy!” Rori shrieked as Steve walked into the nursery. He smiled as she barrelled towards him and he scooped her up, placing a kiss to her cheek.

“Hey, princess!” He smiled, “You had a good day?” “Yeah we did erm painting and some games and I fallded over but I’m okay.” “She took a tumble when they were outside on the playground.” Sally, one of the nursery assistants advised Steve, passing him an envelope. “It wasn’t anything major, she bumped her knee. She didn’t seem to even notice, or care, but we’re obliged to write it up.” “Thanks.” Steve smiled, taking the report from her and tucking it into his pocket. He wasn’t worried, she was like her brother in that respect. The half of her that was him was her robustness to general knocks and tumbles and germs, thanks to the serum. He placed her down on the floor and told her to collect her things, watching as she headed over to the little peg that contained her small pink backpack and her jacket.

“How’s the little one?” Sally asked and Steve turned to her, smiling.

“He’s great.” Steve beamed. “Such a placid baby, in comparison to the other two anyway, certainly her.” He added with a nod towards Rori. Sally chuckled. “Yeah, a lot of parents say that the youngest ones are often the easiest. I think it’s because as Parents you relax a little more and they feel it. You should tell Mrs Rogers to bring him in one morning, we’ve not met him yet.” “I will.” Steve smiled, nodding as Rori came back. He gently helped her put her jacket on before he stood up, thanked the staff again and led her outside to the car.

“Where’s momma?” Rori asked.

“She’s at home with Harry. We just gotta go pick Jamie up and then we can go home.” “Okay.” she said. She fell silent for a moment before she suddenly chirped up again. “Daddy, my knee hurts.”

Steve glanced down at her sceptically as he opened the car door. “Does it? Or are you just angling for sympathy?” Rori pondered for a moment before she grinned. “Sympathy.”

Steve snorted, she was honest at least. He sat her in her car seat in the back of the car, buckling her in before he pressed a kiss to the knee she was pointing at. “Better?” “Yes, fankoo.” “You’re welcome.” He smiled, shutting the door and heading to the driver’s side to climb in. He drove the few blocks to Jamie’s school, pulling into the pick-up area and nodded to the staff member who was on duty. Jamie waved and Steve had to snort at the state of him. His tie was completely wonky, his jacket was open, shirt untucked… typical seven year old boy. He shot over to the car as Steve climbed out, opening the trunk so he could stick his rucksack in the back before he moved to give his dad a quick hug.

“Had a good day, Son?”

Jamie nodded and climbed into the car, sitting on the booster in the front. Steve clipped him in and then made to head home.

“Guess what me and Momma did today.” Steve looked at Jamie as he pulled out of the school grounds and onto the road.

“What?” “Bought two new cars.” “What did you get?” Jamie grinned

“Well, Momma got a range rover, a red one. And I got a Porsche.” “Cool.” Jamie nodded his approval. “Is momma happier now?”

Steve frowned. “What makes you ask that, buddy?” “When we dropped Rori off before she got upset.”

“Did she say why?” “She told me when we walked back to the car that it was just her feelings from having Harry.” Jamie shrugged.

Steve pondered for a moment, his thumb tapping on the steering wheel before he turned to his son again. “Did she speak to anyone when you dropped Rori off?” “Just Sally.” Jamie shrugged. “There were some other ladies there but Momma didn’t speak to them.”

“Okay, well, don’t worry about it.” Steve nodded to assure the boy. He knew Jamie hated seeing his mother upset. “She’s fine, like she said, just her feelings from Harry.” They drove home, Steve chatting to Jamie and Rori as they went but his mind was still on his wife. He knew now that whatever was bothering her had to be something to do with Rori’s nursery, or something that had happened when she had dropped her off.

And it gave him an angle to approach her with.

In typical fashion, the kids shot into the kitchen and Katie greeted them both with a smile from where she had been stood preparing their dinner. The two of them began instantly gabbling away, both filling her in about their day and Steve leaned on the doorway, watching as his wife talked to both of them, crouching down to look them both in the eyes as they thrust various pieces of paper at her. He loved watching her interact with their children, it was simply something he found astonishing how easy it came to her. Being a mother had highlighted every single trait he found so damned attractive about her even more and it lit a fire in his belly every single time he saw it.  She glanced up at him and he gave her a smile, pushing off the door frame and walking into the room, passing Harry who was still asleep in the basinet in the corner of the room.

“He not woke up?” Steve asked and Katie shook her head.

“We’re gonna suffer for that tonight.” She sighed and Steve chuckled, dropping a kiss to her cheek.

“Jamie,” he turned to his son who’s hand was sneaking up onto the counter next to Katie to grab a piece of cheese she had been grating. Jamie grinned at his dad as he popped into his mouth with a shrug. Steve rolled his eyes, smiling, “go change pal, get out of your uniform.”

“Okay.” he agreed, heading out of the kitchen.

“I change too, daddy?” Rori looked at him.

“You don’t need to.”

“But I want to.” She folded her arms and Steve looked at Katie who gave a snort as they both observed their little Diva.

“What do you want to change into?” Steve asked, picking her up.

“Bumble bear.” “You wanna wear your bear onesie?”

She nodded.

“Alright, come on.”

He held his hand out to her and she took it, the pair of them heading upstairs. Fifteen minutes later, both kids were settled in the den, the pair of them looking at a jigsaw puzzle. Telling Jamie that he was on ‘big brother’ duties, basically an instruction to be careful and keep Rori out of mischief as much as he could, he headed into the kitchen to find Katie now wiping down the counters, a pasta bake in the oven.

“Jamie said you were upset this morning after you left the nursery.” Steve’s arms wrapped around his wife from behind and he felt her still slightly “Come on, Doll, what’s been eating you all day?”

“Nothing, I’m just being stupid.” She shrugged, turning in his arms to look at him.

“Katie,” his voice was stern and he lowered his head slightly, his eyebrows raising as he gave her a look that instructed her to tell the truth.

With a sigh she lowered her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I just overheard a few of the moms talking that’s all, I don’t think they realised I was behind them. It’s no big deal.” “What were they saying?” “They just,” Katie took a deep breath, “they made a comment about Rori and how like me she looked, and then one of them said or at least how I used to look anyway.”

Steve frowned, staying silent and waiting for her to finish.

“Then they kinda laughed and said that I’d certainly ‘let myself go’ a little after the latest one,” she raised her hands and framed the offending three words with phrase marks by bending the index and middle fingers on each hand forward twice in symmetry.

Steve fought hard to keep his face straight and not display they anger he was feeling inside. Fuck, he loved this woman, and the thought of anyone saying something so damned cruel it would upset her made him furious.

“They manage to look all neat and tidy for the school run and I,” Katie shook her head, “it’s all I can do to make sure my top is on the right way round.

“Honey,” Steve shook his head, “we have three small kids, all who need breakfast and dressing in the morning, and one of whom is barely six weeks old.” “Yeah I know, and I know I need to give myself time but,” she shrugged, “you know that each time I’ve been pregnant I’ve kept some weight somewhere.” “So?” Steve frowned

“I don’t know, I guess I just miss being the size I was. It doesn’t matter, I told you, I was being stupid.” She shook her head. “I’ll get over it.”

Steve looked at her for a second, his head cocked to one side. Whilst it was true that post Jamie her hips had remained slightly larger as had her chest. And the added curve to her ass hadn’t completely been there before she’d had Rori, but her stomach had returned to being fairly flat post both of their previous kids, even if it wasn’t a washboard of muscle like it had when she was at the peak of her SHIELD or Avenging days. Her waist had remained fairly small and all of this had simply given her a killer hourglass figure he fucking loved, and one that he’d noticed various other men casting approving glances over on more than one occasion.

And yes, now six weeks after giving birth she was still carrying extra baby weight over and above all that but Steve frankly didn’t’ give a shit. She was gorgeous to him, and always would be.

“Well I don’t miss it.” Steve looked at her, his hands falling to her hips as he pulled her closer. “Sweetheart, before Jamie you were tiny, it’s skewing your perception. I could practically connect my hands around your waist.” She looked at him as he continued, to speak, shaking his head. “We’ve both changed, as you told me not long ago.”

“But it looks good on you.”

“Yeah, and having our babies looks good on you, too.” He pressed and she gave a soft smile, looking at him. “Just don’t think on it please, I love you. I always will. You know this.” “I know, sorry, like I said, I was just having an off day and,” she nuzzled into his chest as his strong arms wrapped around her back, “I guess the hormones kinda made it worse.”

“Well I’ll make it better later.” He grinned, leaning down to kiss her.

“Yeah, you finally gonna give me that bone?” She snorted and he laughed.

“Damned right…” he muttered, his lips brushing hers lightly. “My baby momma…” ******

It’s a masterful melody When she calls out my name to me As the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes And I feel like I’m falling but it’s no surprise

Steve’s hands were all over his wife as she sat, straddled over his lap on the sofa. After putting the kids to bed they’d been cuddled up watching a film, and he’d simply been watching her sat there, playing with her hair, biting her thumb, and then his self-control had finally snapped and he had pulled her onto his lap with one aim only.

His mouth trailed soft kisses up her neck to that spot behind her ear as his fingers began gently undoing the buttons on the front of the plaid shirt she was wearing, the shirt that as ever belonged to him. He opened them slowly one by one and Katie moved her head to catch his mouth with hers, her tongue sweeping over his bottom lip. He obliged, opening his mouth, his own tongue dipping into hers with smooth strokes as he gently reached the last button of the shirt and pushed it down over her shoulders, where it dropped to the floor.

His forehead pressed to hers and he looked down at her, giving a soft groan as his hands gripped her hips pulling her down further onto his lap, grinding up against her through his sweats. He was rock hard already, the sight of her sat on front of him was enough to make him lose his mind completely.

“You’re beautiful.” He mumbled, his lips grazing over her collar bone as one of his hands slid up her body, where it gently began to knead at her bra clad breast, softly teasing her nipple beneath the lace. He knew she was tender there, and he couldn’t go to town on them as much as he would like to but that was another thing that fucking turned him on so much. The fact that she was nursing his baby son, knowing that her body was nurturing him was so goddamned fucking amazing it had him low key horny all the time.

“Off…” She mumbled against his lips, hands grabbing at the bottom of his T’shirt and Steve sat forward slightly to allow her to pull it over his head and her hands ran through his hair, down his now bare back and up again, before she gently cupped her face with her hands, the pads of her fingers gently pressing into the whiskers of his beard as she leaned down for another kiss. Steve’s large hands flattened on her back, pulling her closer to him, their chests pressed together, lips locked deeply. Once more Steve titled his hips, causing Katie’s breath to catch in her throat and she pulled away slightly to look at him, Steve’s own breathing hitching slightly at the look of love and adoration his wife had on her face. One he knew he was mirroring completely.

Tilting his hips slightly, he raised them both easily off the sofa, and Katie instantly worked his sweats and boxers down over his slim waist. Without another second of hesitation he moved her panties to one side with one hand as he grasped his achingly hard cock in the other as Katie gently positioned herself before she sank down slowly onto him giving a soft mewl as he filled her, his hands returning to her waist once she had taken him in completely. With a grunt of his own, he held her still for a moment, before he bucked his hips upwards, Katie meeting him as she pushed down, tilting her hips so he was driving up against her spot. They found a rhythm, easily, as always. It was a well-worn dance between the pair of them after so many years together but a dance that Steve would never get tired of. Every single time it felt just as good as the last, and as Katie rolled her hips slightly, moving her forwards an inch Steve’s head fell back against the back cushions on the sofa, his hands cradling her close.

“Feel so fucking good,” he praised, his hips slamming upwards again, her moans of pleasure filling the room as she pushed downwards. He leaned forward, his mouth gently pressing kissing to her sternum and throat and she gave a shudder, rotating her hips urgently as Steve continued to push up and greet her movement for movement.

“Stevie…I’m…” she panted softly, her head falling forwards to catch his mouth and he felt her twitch around him, meaning she was close. His hands snaked into her hair, holding her face still as he kissed her hard, hips snapping forwards. With a soft cry, she stilled slightly, her moans flowing into Steve’s mouth as he felt her fluttering around him as she came and he wasn’t far behind. He pushed up, thrusting through her orgasm before he reached his own, with a groan that bubbled from his chest, his eyes closing in utter bliss as the feeling overwhelmed him. They both sat still for a moment, utterly spent, Steve’s hands skating up his wife’s back as she gave a soft hum of contentment, her head resting against his.

Steve gently pulled back, his hand tilting Katie’s chin up gently so he could kiss her again, soflty, and he smiled against her mouth, before Harry gave a shrill cry from the cradle in the corner of the room, reminding them of something that they had both forgotten during the last blissful fifteen minutes of pure lust and passion. They weren’t just Steve and Katie anymore, they were Momma and Daddy.

And Steve wouldn’t change ANYTHING about that for the world.

*****

'Cause I love her with all that I am And my voice shakes along with my hands 'Cause it’s frightening to be Swimming in this strange sea But I’d rather be here than on land

The next morning they altered their routine slightly. Jamie was dropped at school first and then Steve drove to Nursery to drop Rori off, complete with Harry so the staff could meet him for the first time. Steve kept a careful watch on his wife as she got out of the car, smoothing her hair back slightly as she helped Rori out, the pair of them making their way through the gates and into the building. Steve followed behind, the car seat containing Harry in his hand.

Once inside, Rori bounded off to see her friends and the nursery staff immediately crowded around Harry as Katie smiled and Steve gently placed the seat on the main desk. Katie lifted him out and handed him to Sally who beamed and gently took him in her arms.

“Oh, Mrs Rogers,” she looked at Katie then to Steve, “Sir, he’s beautiful,” she beamed, rocking him slightly as Harry’s hands gently fisted in the air, his eyes focussed on the older woman as she smiled at him.

“Just like his Momma.” Steve’s arm curled round Katie as he pressed a kiss to her head. She nudged him with her elbow as she flushed slightly.

Once the staff had all finished preening over Harry, Katie made sure he was secure in his seat again and they both made their way back outside. Steve clipped the seat back onto the base in the rear of the car and then stood up, glancing over the top of the door at Katie but she wasn’t looking at him. Instead, her eyes were watching something behind him and he turned to see two women as they walked down the sidewalk towards them, both of them leading a child each. Instantly he noticed his wife’s demeanour change as she tugged at the bottom of her top, pulling it away from her body and it didn’t take a genius to figure out who those women were.

Hell, no. Not on his watch.

Ignoring the surge of anger in his stomach he shut the door to the car gently and without a word grabbed his wife and pressed his lips to hers. It took her a moment to respond, he’d surprised her that much, but she smiled against his mouth as he kissed her deeply, his hands sliding down to give her ass a quick squeeze.

“What was that for?” She asked a little breathlessly as he pulled away, pressing his forehead to hers.

“Do I need a reason?” He smiled.

“No, suppose not.” She grinned, patting his chest. “Come on, we never had breakfast before and I’m starving.” She moved away from him and Steve opened the passenger door for her to climb in. Shutting it softly he turned and saw the two women looking at him. He raised an eyebrow challengingly, his hands dropping to his buckle.

“Morning.” His voice remained neutral but carried that undertone of a challenge, in the way he always managed when slipping back into Captain mode.

“Err, good morning, Captain…errr… Mr Rogers.” One of them spoke, smiling. “I’m not sure what you go by now.” “Neither am I.” He shrugged simply “Bur Mr Rogers is fine, thanks. Reminds me I’m married. And who doesn’t want to be reminded they’re married to the most beautiful gal on the planet huh?” He smiled broadly. “Even if some people think she looks a little different now from when we first met…”

The smile on both their faces slipped a little and Steve levelled them both with a look, leaving them in no uncertain terms as to what he was saying and had to fight the smirk that was threatening to spread on his face as he could tell instantly that he had embarrassed them, which had completely been his intent. Both women flushed a deep shade of red and they both hastily bid him good-day as they bustled up the path towards the main door.

Steve climbed into the car, and Katie turned to him.

“You’re such a bitch.” she smirked, and he looked at her, not even attempting to pretend he didn’t know what she was talking about. He was busted, but he didn’t care.

“Well they shouldn’t be trash talking my wife.” He shrugged. Katie shook her head gently before she leaned over to give him a soft kiss.

“Still going all protective over me, huh Soldier?” “Always.” He nodded as she pressed her lips gently to his again. Smiling, she tucked her hair behind her ears before they both settled down and Steve snapped the car into drive, pulling off into the steady stream of morning traffic.

Yes she’s all that I see And she’s all that I need And I’m out of my league once again

 **original posting**

[aomineavenue]

Homesick (Miya Atsumu x Reader) Intro

Summary: Six years ago, L/N Y/N wouldn’t exactly say that she loves her life. It had always been problematic but her best friend, Miya Atsumu, since she was eight when she moved to Hyōgo, has always been there for her, and she wouldn’t change it for the world. However, things would always fall apart for her ever since, so she should have expected of such. Running away from her problems seemed like the easiest route to take at the time, so what happens when the past comes barging back into her life demanding answers? Will she be able to confront her demons?

Pairings: Miya Atsumu x f!Reader

Genre: Angst, ANGST I LOVE ANGST, a lil bit of fluff here and there.

Warnings: Language, etc. (Will be mentioned once posted because I don’t want spoilers huehue)

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters except for the reader and my ideas. I do not claim any images used for content in this fic, everything goes out to their respective creators unless it is mentioned that it is mine.

Status: ongoing. | series masterlist

intro | the unexpected  ↪

Everybody loves the things you do.

You can't exactly recall the moment that everything seemed to change or rather, fall apart. Well, if you were going to be honest, you expected everything to fall apart sooner rather than later but there you were, watching him get cheered on in the middle of the school grounds of Inarizaki High. Why? Well, the girl he apparently had a crush on had been eating out his face as if her life depended on it. It crushed you.

What did you expect? The two of you were never official, nor did he ever hinted at the idea of the two of you becoming official. This is what you should have expected, right? He was never yours, to begin with, you were just a friend he occasionally fucked with on the side to relieve his stress, no big deal.

So, why had the scene in front of you, broke your heart?

Right, maybe because of the fact that your best friend since you were eight years old, Miya Atsumu, has owned your heart for as long as you can remember.

  Everybody here is watching you.

You watched as the two broke apart, with eat-shitting grins plastering their perfectly shaped faces. The cheers that erupted within the vicinity were almost deafening. What hurts the most was that your best friend, your little 'ol fuck buddy, searched the crowd and his eyes locked with your own. There wasn't any sign of regret, it was as if he was silently communicating with you to accept that whatever the two of you had in secret, would inevitably end, however, you pretty much puzzled that out already, the sight you had witnessed indicated the obvious, you didn’t need it to be spelt out for you. It took every bit of you not to spin around and walk away from the man that had broken your heart into bits and pieces, but the friend in you couldn't seem to do such a thing, instead, you tried your best to flash him an encouraging smile.

Yes, Miya Atsumu had broken your little pathetic heart.

You're like a dream come true.

You recalled the first time you had met Miya Atsumu. You had just moved in next door from Kanagawa. You had been dejected of the move, reluctant to help your parents settle down. You had been forced to leave your friends and every little thing that mattered to you. Honestly, you were ridiculous at the time. You were practically eight years old, and you were already moaning about how your life had already ended for leaving your friends behind.

That is until the Miya Atsumu introduced himself to you with his cheeky little smile.

"Hi!" he greeted in a yell like manner causing you to shriek and spin around to face the intruder, warmth spreading across your cheeks in embarrassment, "My mom told me we have new neighbours and to bring this over. I'm Miya Atsumu, but you can call me Atsumu because it might confuse you since I have a twin. His name's Osamu!"

You flickered your gaze shyly over to the identical boy standing beside him looking uninterested. He sighed, "I can introduce myself you know,"

The boy you have come to know as Atsumu ignored his retort before handing over the small tray in his hands, "It's my mom's speciality, beef stew. It's one of my favourites. Oh by the way, what's your name?"

You blinked as you slowly grabbed the tray from his grasp as you mumbled your name underneath your breath. You felt your cheeks grow warmer as he repeated your name with a wide grin plastered on his face.

You didn't even know what was so memorable of how you met the Miya twins, or more importantly, how you met the rather annoying Atsumu, that you had somehow miraculously learned what the word 'crush' meant. It wasn't as if it was the first time you had been friends with the opposite sex. Before moving to Hyōgo, majority of your friends from elementary school in Kanagawa were boys, so how did you end up liking the now blonde twin?

It was life's many mysteries. However, what you had witnessed made you wish that you had fallen for the other twin instead, who had been looking at you with sympathy in his eyes as soon as he spotted you. You simply shook your head, smiling sadly. Osamu, bless the caring twin, had always known of your feelings for his brother and somehow figured out the arrangement the two of you shared upon entering Second Year in Senior High School. He expressed a few times for you to reveal your feelings, but you pushed it to the very back of your mind. You didn't know if Atsumu was completely oblivious to your blunt feelings or that he probably lacked some very important brain cells. You had thought he just didn't want to acknowledge it and pushed it aside, but what had pushed the two of you to have such an arrangement in the first place?

You somehow wished it never happened in the first place.

You look like a movie, You sound like a song.

Warmth.

It was the only word in your intoxicated mind that you could find during the first time his lips wandered delicately across your skin as if it were a map, the way his lips brushed against your skin marked that he had successfully visited places that night. You didn't know how two friends who were teasing each other about how the other hadn't been intimate with their past lovers escalated into that, but the passion burning through you at the time, feeling his hands and lips against places that were supposed to be forbidden for a man that you shared no intimate relationship with were enough to fight back the protests that were bubbling in your mind. It was intoxicating. It was warm. It was Atsumu.

If you were to lose your virginity, who would be better than your best friend himself, right? Wrong.

When you think about it, despite the lovely idea of losing each other's virginity to each other as best friends, it was only because you had been madly in love with Atsumu, thinking that when it was over, he would finally man up and take a step forward with whatever the two of you had, and the two of you were to be finally happy together. Of course, your love for your best friend won over and you were forced to accept your faith that it meant little to him than it did to you.

Despite Atsumu not returning your feelings after the whole thing, you tried your best to put on a smile and be there for your friend, no matter how painful it was. You hadn't expected it of course, when a particularly stressful day for Atsumu would lead to the arrangement of you being the one to release his stress during your second years. You kept your feelings locked away in a chest and hid the key, you didn't want to complain.

Fear had crept its way into the very front of your mind, constantly eating you out, day and night. To complain and push Atsumu away to put your feelings first, only meant you'd lose him. It was inevitable, you decided then. The two of you shared such intimacy more ways than one and somehow reverting it to the way it was before deemed impossible.

You couldn't bear the thought of losing Atsumu. Not as a secret lover, but as a best friend. You didn't want to admit it, but he was the only one you had left. Sure you had other friends, but Atsumu was your partner in crime. From the moment you met him, to before the two of you shared such reckless intimacy, he had been your rock. Sure, there were things you weren't willing to confide with him due to personal reasons, but he was there. Ever since your father had passed away, things were rocky with your mother. Your relationship with your mother had worsened throughout the years after your father's passing, and not even Atsumu knows the extent of it. You couldn't bring yourself to express such, you didn't want anyone's pity. You just needed Atsumu's warmth, whether it was intimate or not.

You can't help but admit at how pathetic you've become for someone who didn't reciprocate such feelings, but what were you to do?

Let me photograph you in this light, in case it is the last time.

As you stood there, you felt hopeless. It seemed as if the cheers surrounding you failed to cease. It was as if it grew louder, almost taunting you.

You didn't want to ruin the moment though. They seemed perfect for each other, too perfect together. Happy in their little world with their friends surrounding them—cheering, congratulating, teasing the new happy couple, and you stood there, outside of their inner circle, pathetically. You kept your gaze on Atsumu as if to devour his features, afraid that your mind might have suddenly decided to erase him.

You caught Osamu from the corner of your eye, his twitching not so subtle. His body language screamed of wanting to comfort you but all you could do was shake your head to prevent such action. You didn't want to feel any more pathetic than you already did.

After another painful second to capture his features, you spun around facing the school's gate, heart-clenching as tears now slowly formed in the corners of your eyes. You wanted to scream. You wanted to break down there and then. You felt sick.

"Hey!" You heard him call out and you didn't think your heart could handle another but it felt as if he squeezed your heart once again, "Where you going? We have class soon."

You swallowed the lump that had formed in the back of your throat, your shoulders grew tense at the feeling of his close proximity. His familiar scent instantly engulfed you but what bothered you the most that it was mixed with a scent you're unfamiliar with. You didn't have to turn to look for its identity, you knew she was standing next to him, clung to his arm as if her life depended on it, afraid Atsumu would be snatched away from her. You couldn’t blame her, you would have done the same if you could. "I–I don't feel so good. I'm going to skip." You stuttered, letting out a laugh to cover up your constricted voice.

"Oh. Well," you heard her speak as if she was part of the conversation, "Let's leave her be, 'sumu."

He agreed almost instantly, "Right. You get home safe, yeah? Get better soon."

You heard their footsteps retreat and your heart taking a final blow and completely shattering to the ground. He didn't even bother to wait for a reply. Without looking back, you left the school premises. You left without saying goodbye.

It was just like a movie. It was just like a song.

The nauseating air wrapped tightly around you, almost making it difficult to breathe. When you had walked home, you let the tears flow almost instantly, not bothering to give an ounce of attention to the people who had looked towards your direction in pity or as if you had grown two heads the past hour. You were grateful that your mother and her new boyfriend had not been around at the time of your early return, not like she would care for your tears or how you had skipped school.

It was now or never, you had thought to yourself as you stared at the packed luggage on your bed. Earlier during the day, you hadn't exactly planned this. Running away from your problems seemed almost too cliche for you at the time. Scared to the bone, you still opted to approach your best friend about your predicament. However, as you entered the school grounds, well—it was obviously a sight you were not exactly expecting nor was it pleasant for you to witness, something you wish that could be erased from your mind completely.

The idea spilling the truth to Atsumu had been instantly tossed to the nearest bin. You didn't know if it was just your emotions deciding but you knew it was for the best. You couldn't stay here. Not anymore. Your mother would most certainly throw you out as soon as she had found out, not like it had been home to you in a long time.

So as you entered the empty house you once thought that radiated comfort and warmth, you decided it was best to disappear. A lot of factors that resulted in this decision piled up one by one as soon as you woke up for the day. And what was the root of it all?

Two pink lines.

That was six years ago.

[rpf-bat]

For What You’ve Done (They’re Gonna Find A Place For You)

Pairing: Mikey Way x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Summary: Written for Gothtober 2020, Day 9. Prompt: “My Demons.”

You’re in a rehab clinic in Bergen County, New Jersey, trying your best to fight your inner demons, and get sober. One day, a new patient enters the twelve-step program. You’re shocked to discover, that it’s none other than your first celebrity crush. 

Trigger warning for several mentions of substance abuse. 

You’d been a resident at the inpatient clinic for about two months now. It was the longest stretch of time, that you’d been sober, in years. You weren’t sure yet, if you liked it or not. But, at least the facility, gave you a decent amount of freedom. You were allowed to roam the grounds during the day, as much as you liked - as long as you showed up to all your therapy meetings, when you were supposed to. 

You still felt bored. It sucked, not being able to leave the premises, and go anywhere. You decided to relieve your restlessness, by heading out into the garden, for a cigarette. 

A lot of the patients smoked. One you got rid of one addiction, sometimes, you just had to replace it with another.  You knew, of course, that nicotine was bad for you. But, railing cocaine was significantly worse. You figured the medical staff on site had decided to pick their battles.

“Hey, Y/N,” called a voice from the bench by the roses. “You got a light?”

You turned, and saw it was one of the girls from your therapy group, Lacey. 

“Hey,” you greeted her, and handed your lighter to her. 

“Thanks,” she grinned, and lit the cig she was holding. “Did you hear the news?” 

“What news?” you asked, taking a drag on your own cancer stick. 

“A new guy is gonna be joining us in group today,” Lacey explained. “Heard he just got here, last night.” 

“Oh, yeah?” you raised an eyebrow, exhaling smoke. The first day, you were more than aware, was often the hardest. 

“I think his name’s Michael, or something,” Lacey shrugged. “I got a look at him, when they were escorting him to his room. He’s cute.” 

“I didn’t come here, to get a date,” you scoffed. 

“Way I heard it, you didn’t come here willingly at all,” Lacey snickered. “Wasn’t your mom gonna kick you out of her house, if you didn’t agree to get treatment?” 

“....You know what, I think that’s enough smoking for today,” you snapped, snatching your lighter, back out of her hands. 

“Hey!” Lacey protested. 

“Whatever.” You stomped out your cigarette butt into the dirt, with perhaps more force than necessary. “I’m going back inside…..” 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Your watch told you it was 3:45. Group therapy wasn't supposed to start until four o’clock. You wandered into the meeting room anyway. You didn’t feel like going back to your room, and you had nothing better to do.

To your surprise, you found a man sitting in one of the chairs, a Dodgers cap pulled down over his eyes. 

“Hey,” you called, “what are you doing in here? Taking a nap?”

The guy sat up suddenly, as if dazed. 

Oh, shit, you realized. He really was sleeping. 

“You must be the new guy,” you laughed. “Hey - it’s okay. I didn’t get much sleep during my first night here, either. The beds here are hard as rocks.” 

“They…..they really are,” the man confessed. “Sorry - I didn’t mean to pass out in here.  The room was just so quiet and empty, y’know?”

He straightened and took off his hat, revealing his face. You gasped, when you realized you recognized him. 

“You’re....you’re Mikey Way,” you bleated. Holy shit. 

“....Do I know you?” Mikey asked, rubbing his eyes. 

“No,” you shook your head, reddening. “I, uh, I was just a big My Chemical Romance fan, when I was younger. I think your music is amazing.”

“....Oh,” Mikey mumbled. “Sorry….I’m not exactly giving out autographs right now.” 

“I wasn’t going to ask for one,” you assured him. “I mean, I always wanted to meet you, but…..not in a place like this.” 

Mikey stared at his shoes, looking ashamed of himself. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked. 

“....You probably thought of me as like, some cool rock hero,” Mikey mumbled. “Now, as you can see, I’m just some piece of shit junkie.” 

“I mean…..so am I?” you pointed out. “That’s why we’re both here.” 

“Yeah, I guess,” Mikey frowned. He tugged his sleeves down, clearly trying to hide the tire tracks on his arms. You couldn’t pretend that it didn’t hurt a little, to see him in this state. You’d had a crush on him, since you were fifteen. 

“But, you’re trying to get clean,” you said softly. “You’re here, trying to fight your demons, and become a better person. That definitely counts for something, in my book.”

Mikey raised his head, looking at you in surprise. He had such pretty eyes. 

“.....Thank you,” he said sincerely. “That means a lot.” 

“I’m Y/N, by the way,” you smiled, extending your hand. 

“Nice to meet you, Y/N,” Mikey smiled back, accepting the handshake. 

“Do you mind if I sit here with you, until everyone else gets here?” you asked. You knew Lacey would probably show up soon, but the former emo kid in you, was delighted at the chance to talk to a Way brother one-on-one. 

“Sure, pull up a chair,” Mikey shrugged. “I wasn’t doing much, anyway, aside from catching a few Zs.” 

“Sorry again, for waking you,” you winced. You didn’t want to make his first day more difficult. 

“It’s okay,” Mikey replied. “I was wondering….what do you guys normally talk about, in these therapy groups, anyway?” 

“Well, yesterday,” you recalled, “Dr. Armstrong asked us to name a positive coping mechanism, that we could use to deal with our problems, instead of turning to...y’know, substances.” 

“What coping mechanism did you come up with?” Mikey asked. 

You hesitated, your face going red. 

“Sorry,” Mikey frowned. “You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to. I mean, you just met me today.” 

“No, it’s okay,” you shrugged. “I already told the whole group, after all.” 

“Oh, right,” Mikey chuckled. 

“The coping mechanism that I wrote down on my therapy worksheet, was music,” you explained. “When I first got here, I got permission for my mom to bring me some of my old CDs. Dr. Armstrong lets me keep a stereo in my room, as long as I promise not to use it after lights-out. I started listening to albums that I hadn’t heard, since I was a teenager.” 

“Since before you started doing….substances?” Mikey guessed. 

“Yeah,” you confessed. “Listening to some of these heavy songs, was actually really cathartic. Singing along to the lyrics, helps me get my feelings out, instead of just…..burying them.” 

“I’ll be honest,” Mikey sighed. “I use substances to bury my feelings a lot, too. That’s exactly how I got in this mess.” 

“I get it,” you nodded. You never thought that your idol would be struggling with all the same stuff that you did. When you’d seen him on the World Contamination Tour, three years ago, he had looked invincible. You realized, darkly, that even then, he could have been shooting up backstage. 

“What album have you been listening to the most, since you started getting sober?” Mikey asked curiously. “Like, what’s really therapeutic for you?” 

You looked away from him, feeling embarrassed. 

“......Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge,” you mumbled. 

“Whoa, seriously?” Mikey gaped. “My band’s album?” 

“Yeah,” you admitted shyly. “Is that weird? I’m sorry.” 

“No, it’s not weird,” Mikey assured you. “That actually makes me really happy, that something I had a hand in creating, was able to help you so much.”

“Thank you,” you said, somewhat emotionally, “for putting that record into the world.” 

“You’re welcome, Y/N,” Mikey smiled. “It sounds strange, but….I’m kinda glad that I met you here.” 

“I’m glad, too,” you agreed. “But….I’m sorry that you’re in this situation.” 

“My friend David, kind of tricked me into coming here,” Mikey confessed, scratching his head. “He said he wanted to work on writing music with me, so I flew here, from California. But, when I got here, he was just like, yeah, we’re not making an album, you’re going to rehab.” 

“Did that make you mad?” you wondered. “Were you really angry at your friend, for dragging you to New Jersey, under false pretenses?” 

“No, I wasn’t mad at all,” Mikey said, surprising you. “Deep down, I knew that what I was doing to myself was wrong. I knew it was gonna get me killed, eventually, if somebody didn’t intervene. So….I just checked myself in, without arguing. I’m actually really grateful to him.” 

“Grateful…,” you repeated. “When my mom first checked me into this place, I wasn’t grateful at all. I felt like I was being thrown in jail. I didn’t think I had a problem.” 

“But, now you do?” Mikey realized. 

“Yeah, therapy helped me realize how much I was using the coke as a crutch,” you admitted. “I just wanted to party all the time, to distract myself. I didn’t want to be sober, ever, because that meant focusing on all the problems I had in life.” 

“I’m worried I’m gonna come off like a jackass, in the therapy group,” Mikey frowned. “Like, oh, you’re a millionaire celebrity. You don’t have any real problems in life.”

“Everybody has problems, in one way or another,” you disagreed. “Didn’t your band break up, last year? That must have been hard for you.”

“It was,” Mikey said honestly. “Being My Chem’s bassist, was like my whole identity. I had been doing it for over a decade. So, when my brother decided that the band was over with, it was like, I don’t know. I didn’t know who I was anymore.” 

“Of course that would be hard to cope with,” you said sympathetically. “Look, your problems might be very different from mine, but, if anyone in group tries to tell you they’re not valid, I’ll set ‘em straight.” 

“Thank you,” Mikey smiled softly. “I’m glad that I have at least one friend here.”

Mikey Way called me his friend, you thought, giddily. This was so surreal. If you weren’t nine weeks sober, you would have thought that you were tripping.

“What’s your positive coping mechanism gonna be, though?” you wondered, imagining what Dr. Armstrong would say to him, once the meeting started. “I mean, you can’t use the record you wrote.”

“Mine might be music, too,” Mikey said thoughtfully. “But, not listening to it - I want to get my feelings out, by writing songs.” 

“That’s a great idea!” you grinned. 

“David and I actually composed a couple really cool demos, before I started to take a turn for the worse,” Mikey explained. “When I get out of here, I want to finish an album with him, for real.” 

“What are you going to call the project?” you asked. 

“We were thinking of calling the new band, Electric Century,” Mikey smiled. 

“That’s a really cool name,” you complimented him. “If you get clean, and are able to go back out into the real world, and make the album a reality….then, I promise, when I get released, the first thing I’ll do,  is go buy a copy.” 

“You mean it?” Mikey asked, flattered. 

“Pinky swear!” you insisted. You held out your hand. 

“Ok, it’s a pinky promise,” Mikey laughed. “I’ll stay sober long enough to make the music, if you stay sober, long enough to hear it.” 

He reached out, and linked his pinky finger, with yours. You felt a spark, when your fingers touched. You thought that perhaps, you were exactly where you were supposed to be after all.

[an-unknown-writers-world]

The Promise of Our Youth

Warnings: Angst, if you try really hard there is a bit of fluff?

Pairing:  Loki X Reader

Characters: Loki; mentions of Frigga, Thor, Sif and Warriors Three

Word Count: 1649

A/N: Based on the Banners song Start A Riot- I don’t know what this is, honestly. It came out and I just kind of went with it.

-----------------------------------------

I will march down an empty street like a ship into the storm. No surrender, no retreat. I will tear down every wall, just to keep you warm, just to bring you home. I will burn this city down for a diamond in the dust. I will keep you safe and sound when there's no one left to trust. Will you take my hand? We can make our stand.

If your world falls apart, I'd start a riot. If night falls in your heart, I'd light the fire. In the dark, when you sound the alarm, we’ll find each other's arms. For your love, all you are I'd start a riot.

I will wade through the fire and smoke like sunlight through the haze. I will fight till the flag waves white until my dying days. Through the bombs and blasts. We will take it back

**********************************************************************************************************

“Penny for your thoughts?” A soft voice broke the silence.

You jumped.

“Sorry, love. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

With a half-hearted smile, you looked up at the man you’d grown so fond of. He stood dressed for the party, a black shirt, and peacoat with green accents and dark green pants tucked into his leather boots. His flawless alabaster skin glowing in the library lights; with enough imagination and the right angle, the reflection of the lights cast a halo in his jet-black hair.

“What are you doing here?” You asked harsher than you meant.

He scooped up your crossed ankles and sat down before laying them across his lap. “I was worried, Sif said you weren’t coming tonight; something about you not feeling well. That seems to be the case a lot lately.”  

You nodded slowly; making a mental note to speak with her about the proper excuses for when you’re hiding from people.

“Talk to me,” He said running his fingertips slowly up and down your exposed ankles.

“There isn’t much for me to say, Loki,” You shrugged. “I’m just tired.”

“(Y/N),” He sighed, “I’ve known you our whole lives and can tell when you’re lying to me.”

You fidgeted with the book in your hands. It was an old book, the pages smelled beautifully aged, and were rough and crisp to the touch. You tried to focus on anything but the God currently holding your ankles; the thought of having him so close was agonizing.

Rumors had been flying through the palace that he was in love with a girl; although, no one knew who exactly she was. It wasn’t a secret to most of the royal family’s inner circle that you had been in love with the God of Mischief from a young age. It seemed like the only person it was a secret to was him.

Your mother had passed when you were a child, so you often found yourself with Frigga. They had been best friends before she passed; in many ways, Frigga was the closest thing you’d had to a mother in the last nine centuries.  Since the rumors had started, you’d spent many days and even some nights with her, crying out your frustration and pain. Often Frigga would go back and forth between defending Loki claiming his ignorance and blaming him for being so oblivious to what was in front of him.

“Love,” Loki spoke softly breaking your trance.

Looking up at his brilliant blue orbs you smiled feebly.

“Where’d you go?” He asked.

You knew he wasn’t asking where you physically went at any time. He knew you weren’t mentally or emotionally present. The anger and pain you felt started to well up in your eyes, threatening to break free purely by being in his presence.

“Loki, can you please just let me be?” You asked.

“No, I can’t, and I won’t,” He huffed.

A moment of silence passed. You felt no obligation to fill it, you had come here to be alone while everyone else went to the party.

“Do you remember when we were children at your mother’s ceremony,”

“Loki,” you interrupted.

“Please,” he hushed.

You rolled your eyes knowing it was pointless to argue.

“You couldn’t watch, it scared you to see her in that condition.”

“I remember,” you whispered thinking back to the waterfall ceremony. The sight of her casket engulfed in flames as it hovered over the water.

“You buried your face in my chest and made me promise to always protect you, to comfort you and be here.”

“We were just children, Loki. I didn’t know what I was asking. I surely didn’t grasp how long we lived either. Always is a very long time.”

You felt a pang of guilt that he remember this promise and seemed to be clinging to it. His gaze was cast down to where his hands rested on your legs.

“I’ve never broken that promise. It’s been almost 900 years.” He spoke softly.

The wheels in your mind started to turn, feeling as if you knew where this conversation was headed. How could he keep this promise and love another?

“You are not bound to me.” You stated. “I will never hold you to a promise you made me in our youth.”

He sighed. “I remember when we were teenagers and your night terrors started, you were too afraid to tell your father and scared that Frigga would tell him if you shared with her,” a soft smile played on his lips as he reminisced. “I would sneak into your bed chambers and stay up the whole time you slept, promising to chase away any demons that came in the night.”

“Some of the most restful nights,” you smiled remembering. “Until Frigga caught you. To this day I don’t think she believes us.”

He laughed; it was a melodious sound.

“Your first heartbreak, I was there to pick up your pieces.” He stated. “Sif and Thor made me promise to not snap his neck.”

You laughed softly. “He probably would have deserved it.”

“How can I protect you if you won’t tell me what’s wrong?”

You sighed.

How do you tell the person who is trying to protect you that they are the problem?

You don’t.

“Please, just go to the party.” You begged. “Drop this, for both of our sakes.”

He sighed and cupped your check with his palm, adoration, and devotion evident in his gaze. You couldn’t help but lean into it, closing your eyes for the briefest moment.

Before he spoke again, he took his hand from your face and rested it back on your ankle.

“I would burn down the nine realms to protect you. But I can’t if you won’t be honest with me. Let me back in, please (Y/N). I am begging you.” His eyes were fierce with emotion. “You used to come to me, but now I feel as if I am one of the frost giants that so many fear.” He paused, searching your expression for some kind of acknowledgment. “For weeks you’ve become more and more distant. You can be with Thor and Sif and even those imbeciles they call Warriors Three and be fine, but the moment I enter the room you leave. Thor or Sif making an excuse for your abrupt departure. Even my mother has given me terrible explanations that no one would believe.”

You sat idly; he knew something was wrong so how could he not put things together? Surely, he had to know about the rumors.

“Is it me, love? Did I do something to harm you? Upset you someway?” He asked.

You could feel the tears escape your eyes; it broke your heart to see him this way. The thought of causing him the agony he was obviously in. And to think, he is in this state because he rightly fears your anger is directed at him.

“I don’t think it was intentional,” You finally spoke, turning your eyes down to your lap. “I thought they were just stupid jokes at first, but the more the rumors spread through the palace. I guess, I just.” You paused trying to collect the right words. “I thought I could get past it all better if I wasn’t around you.”

“What are you talking about?” He looked confused and almost angry.

“The way you smile every time you come into the room. The way that happiness is just seeping out of you; the thought that someone else is making you feel the way I had always tried. The pain it causes me is suffocating.”

A strangled breath caught in his throat.

It was the first time you acknowledged what was really bothering you. You were incredibly thankful that he was so happy and experiencing the love that he was worthy of but deprived of for so long. It was your own selfishness that was causing the pain you felt.

“I know that you cannot keep the promise you made me and love someone else. Please, Loki forget about the promise.”

His hands came to cover your own; your breath hitched in your throat. You could feel your heart shattering into a million pieces, that’s what he came for. To be released from the promise that he made.

“There is no one else,” He spoke softly, his eyes locking onto yours; “Only you. It’s always been you and will only ever be you.”

“But the rumor?” You asked.

“Someone overheard a piece of a conversation between our fathers and me.”

“My father?” I interrupted.

He smiled, “This was not how I planned and certainly far from the ideal condition for this conversation.”

“Loki,” You begged, “Please, I don’t understand.”

“(Y/N), I love you; I cannot think of a moment of my life that I have not. My hope is that you would be willing to spend the next several millennia with me.”

A tear streamed down your cheek, you felt silly and childish. Instead of asking him about the rumors, you chose to run and hide, causing you both unnecessary pain.

“My love,” He spoke again softly, his hand returning to cup your face.

“Yes,” You whispered, “Yes, I want to spend every moment of eternity with you.”

His thumb carefully wiped away the tear falling down your cheek before kissing you. His lips were soft and warm against yours; the salt of your tears could be tasted in the kiss.

Pulling away he rested his forehead to yours as you breathed each other’s air.

“I’m sorry for being so ridiculous,” you said softly.

He laughed and pulled back to look at you, “You did better than I would have,” He said honestly. “I probably would have started a war.”

This made you laugh, he wasn’t joking.

“I’ve missed that melody,” He smiled.

You rolled your eyes with a smile before kissing him again.

---------------

Thank you for reading! If you liked it, you can find more here! 

[hannah-deactivated20220725]

Lyrical Short: Angel (Kyle Eisenhower)

Here is a Theory of a Deadman song, Angel. The story is a romance about Kyle and Jarred.

Words: 1,840 (without lyrics), 2,027 with lyrics

Characters: Kyle & [Jarred]

Genre: Tragic romance??? Hurt/comfort???

Kyle peeps: @amandahoyle @jade-island-lives @bathingindirtyteacups @magic-is-something-we-create​

bold & italicized = song lyrics or Dana talking to Kyle

just italicized = Kyle’s thoughts

I'm in love with an angel, heaven forbid; [he] made me a believer with the touch of her his skin

I stare at the wall. My roommate is passed out. Of course I got trapped with one of the only humans in the whole school, tickling my nose with the scent of his blood pumping through his veins with every deafening heartbeat.

I plug my ears, growling. I can’t take this. I’m used to killing when I want to kill, to feeding when I want to feed. Since when did I give two shits about controlling my urges, my instincts? Hell, I needed the meat in order to survive. Or at least in order to stay healthy.

I stare at the sleeping body, sprawled out on his bed, clueless to the spinning in my head, the fact that I’m fighting just to keep him alive.

Why?

Why do I care?

But then his face flashes across my mind. His smile. His eyes. His laughter echoes in my head. You love him and it’s disgusting. He’ll never reciprocate, Dana’s voice urges to me, making the pounding in my head worsen at the negativity swirling around my head.

She scoffs. You’re in love with someone who could never understand you. How can he love someone like you? You’re evil, Kyle. Just Like me. Evil to the core. I growl out loud, throwing my face into my knees, trembling with the effort not to lash out, and even moreso with my effort not to devour the sleeping-

My eyes snap up to stare at the guy, but to my surprise he’s sitting up now, staring at me.

Jarred is an absolute angel... how could he ever love you?

I'd go to hell and back with you, stay lost in what we found. Worlds apart, we were the same until we hit the ground.

I haven’t always been like this. To say that my life has been a struggle is an understatement. Perhaps the biggest one I’ve ever entertained in my life.

I was once sweet. I once smiled a lot and was outgoing and friendly. I made many friends at the orphanage. Though there was one that I let closer than anyone. I once was able to let a man into my heart in a way I’d never experienced before. I once loved without feeling like a fool for having the feelings I had.

I once had a heart.

But now...

Now I was this. Trauma, a life of grief and hardship. That has caused me to become this hardened, antisocial shut in I am now. I hardly speak, unless it is to Dana, and even then it’s not really speaking because our conversations are all in my head.

She likes to chide me, to tell me what a fool I am. She likes to point out to me what I want is impossible, that I am a fool for wanting it at all. That she is all I need.

I can’t silence her and after a while, even my inner voice - outside of her - repeats the same sentiment.

Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm weak. Maybe I'm blinded by what I see. You wanted a soldier but it wasn't me, 'cause I could never set you free. So fly on your own. It's time I let you go, go go!

I’m up late at night after Jarred and I have started getting closer. However, no matter how much I wish I could change for him, I’m a demon’s puppet, basically. No... I am no one’s puppet, but I cannot stop her from doing what she wishes some of the time. If I lose myself, then I lose myself to her temporarily. She does things that I no longer condone, but she doesn’t care. She wants what she wants and it doesn’t matter if it’s my body - she will have it.

The harder I fight her, the harder it is when I come back to my body. She does what she wants to do and I’m the one that deals with the consequences. What kind of life would this be for him? I should never have wooed him. I... think I’m in love with him...

... but what does that matter if I am unable to be the man that he wants and deserves to have?

I'm in love with an angel who's afraid of the light. Her His halo is broken but there's fight in her his eyes.

It’s early in the morning, before sunset. Jarred is calling, which he never does. When I answer, he sounds desperate and asks to meet up with me. He asks to meet me where we met and shared our first kiss. I’m quiet at first.

We’re supposed to be broken up. Why is he trying to meet me? I try to reject his request, but his voice sounds more desperate as he pleads me. I tense. This is unlike him.

“Alright. I’ll go.” About 20 minutes later, I’m dressed and teleport to the place where he requested we meet up.

His face is bright red like he’s been crying as he’s sitting on the top of a jungle gym. He quickly and effortlessly leaps off of it when he sees me and hurries to me.

“Kyle-” He begins but I put a hand up.

“This couldn’t have waited until school hours?” I ask, tone harsher than I intend. He looks hurt at the question but his jaw also locks stubbornly.

“No. Kyle...” He moves a little closer. I can smell him so sharply. That familiar scent that brought me so much comfort so many times in the past-

I tense further and take a quick step back.

“What is this?” I ask, eyes narrowed cautiously.

Kyle, I-” he begins, but quickly stops, seeing the intensity of my eyes. He seems uneasy and surprised. “What happened? Why did you-I didn’t want to-” he stammers, trying to force his thoughts to his tongue, but his mouth seems to betray his effort and we stand rigidly for a moment.

“I’m not what you need, Jarred. I’m not-” I cut myself short. I’m not sure what I’m trying to say. But I am. I know that he deserves someone who’ll bring him the light that he can’t have physically. He deserves for his world inside not to echo the cold darkness that he is forced into physically. He deserves a warm embrace that’ll bring him peace, love... joy.

I find myself welling up with feelings like I’d never felt before.

You fool... Dana scolds in my head, but for once, I’m not even hearing her. I’m too lost in his eyes, his sad, miserable eyes. They’re pleading for me to return to him, for me to take him into my arms. But then he flinches and I come to realize the sun is already beginning to rise.

“Jarred, go back to your room,” I say firmly but softly. He will die if he remains out here. Yes, it’ll hurt me too but I won’t die-

But he shakes his head. He isn’t ready to let this go. He steps toward me again but I step back, stumbling slightly.

“You’ll perish,” I try to reason, but he sees right through me.

“Don’t run from me, Kyle. Please.” I hesitate then shake my head.

“Go,” I repeat. He looks hurt but determined.

“No. I know you feel this too. I see it in the way you looked at me when you got here.” I pause then shake my head once more.

“No I don’t.”

“Liar.” Fuck. He sees right through me. The damned fool...

He isn’t the only fool here...

Walls are built to keep us safe until they're crashing down. Worlds apart, we were the same until you hit the ground.

That morning, all the way up until it’s time to get ready for class, I’m staring at the ceiling, or closing my eyes, and thinking about when we met. It’s been such a short amount of time for how much our whole relationship has changed.

He’s made me smile - laugh, even - when no one else can do anything like that to me. He’s made me shiver with just a touch and I’ve gotten lost in his lips more times than I can count.

I’ve had my indestructible walls up so long that I’ve forgotten how good it feels to let someone in. But... it used to feel good. Now it just brings fear. My heart is thundering in my chest and my breath is inhaling and releasing so rapidly I feel like I might pass out.

I tightly close my eyes, trying to will the memories out of my head.

He’s going to hurt you, Dana warns me. I shake my head.

For once... it isn’t me I’m scared of being hurt, I return, knowing what she’s trying to do. She’s never liked the idea of me getting close to anyone. I remember how she was when I met Michael, Jesse, Caleb and Elspeth. She tried to drive me away from them as well.

In the end, she won, but I felt so alone for so long after they disappeared from my life.

I refuse to admit that it scares me to feel that way again. But...

I do feel that again. Even though I still see him... it almost feels worse to see him, because every time I see him, it’s a reminder of what I’m losing, of what I’m pushing away...

... of what you’re saving, you idiot.

Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm weak, maybe I'm blinded by what I see. You wanted a soldier but it wasn't me, 'cause I could never set you free.

Jarred stops contacting me altogether and starts to avoid me completely. It’s clear that I’ve hurt him by continuing to reject him. He is obviously as miserable without me as I am without him.

I didn’t realize what I meant to him.

Yes you did, Dana argues, cutting off my thought. You knew it but you were too selfish to care. I try to shut her voice out, but as always, she is too vivid and loud for me to succeed in doing so. He isn’t the one for you, Kyle, she says, voice getting louder. There’s something in her voice, a tone I’m not used to hearing.

It’s almost distressed. She sounds like she’s trying to prevent something from happening.

Kyle- shut. The fuck. Up, my head growls back and I turn over onto my stomach and bury my face into my pillow. I’ve been alive over 2 millennia... I’ve had so many terrible experiences. I’ve lost loves, family... I’ve had my own parents try to kill me... but none of it has ever compared to this feeling... I want him. He wants me and I want him.

But you can’t be together - I KNOW.

Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm weak, maybe I'm blinded by what I see. You wanted a soldier but it wasn't me, 'cause I could never set you free.

I try to fight my urges to take him back. I see the glances across the room in classes we share, in spite him trying to keep his eyes off of me. I feel a pang in my chest every time our eyes accidentally meet. I can’t take it anymore.

In the hallway one day, I snap. I can’t keep playing this game.

People bustle all around us to put their things away and head to the cafeteria to eat. I grab his wrist. He tries to escape, to pull out of my grip but I hold firm.

“Jare.” He freezes at the familiar nickname, though he refuses to look at me.

I am not good enough... my head is spinning with discouraging thoughts, thoughts that have been on repeat in my head since the day we broke up. I’m not what you need... you don’t know who I truly am... I’m not the one for you... I’m not-

When his eyes meet mine, all of my thoughts die away.

All of them except one:

I’m not good enough... but I want to be - and one day I will be.

[sunseteyes]

AGATSUMA TWINS — Z. AGATSUMA

—a short two-shot dedicated for zenitsu agatsuma’s birthday

theme/s: fluff, angst, orphan degradation, reconciliation, siblings au

description: you are zenitsu agatsuma’s strength. but what happens when you’re taken away from him?

[ intro | one | two ]

i actually feel bad for ending this already. this plot is supposed to be with an oc and it should’ve been a fanfic i’ll post in ao3 but then since nitsu’s birthday and a new semester for me were coming up, i just thought i should post a shorter version so that i could still let out this plot. either way, to all who supported this twoshot, thank you! happy birthday my bb nitsu!!

“you look horrible, niisan.”

even in his sleep, he knows that voice. he could remember that sound everywhere. and out of all the words you chose to say to him, it was of those that made him want to crawl further underground into the depths of the world.

“(y/n)?”

he can feel your presence; strong and calm, as like a gentle rhythm in his ears. he can hear you now.

but how? is it because he’s unconscious? or is it because... you’ve found your true sound?

you moved like a tidal wave, your silence proving the placidity of your soul. he stood there, marveling you and the surprise of meeting you in the middle of a battle still stuck to him.

“(y/n)-chaaaan! you came to rescue us, didn’t you? didn’t you?”

“(y/n)! you’re here!”

he should be displaying that kind of affection yet it was one of uzui’s wives who had done so.

suma wrapped her arms around your neck, the woman overjoyed by your arrival.

zenitsu and even inosuke was confused.

“what? did i heard it right? you have a sibling???” he went towards the blonde, nudging him as they watched the interaction between you, makio and suma. 

you defeated the sash in just one surprise attack and it had caused a standstill for everyone who were in the area. for a moment, zenitsu thought you were the sound pillar due to your strength. however, when he heard your voice comment about him, he was left surprised even more. 

another figure comes from above, towering over everyone and catching their attention just like how you did.

“ah! good work, my successor!” zenitsu watches uzui ruffles your hair and proceeds to do the same to his two wives, feeling that slight tugging in zenitsu’s heart at how you affectionately received the sound pillar’s gesture.

he sullenly stares at your form, a mature version of the child you that he had always been worried of even ever since you two got separated. he wanted to see you, yes but he can’t accept the idea that you were finally in front of him, not even wearing any kind of excitement he harbors.

he should have expected it--with the way he just watched you go. 

he should have expected you to be mad at him. after all, it was his fault. he decided for the two of you and didn’t asked for your opinion. it was him who gave up and failed to protect the only person he could call a family at that time.

“aren’t you going to-” inosuke halts from his sentence the moment he felt the grimness in the air surrounding zenitsu. even with the blonde’s closed eyes,the boy could feel it just by the troubled look in his face.

thus, they let it go, just for awhile. 

you were silent throughout the battle and zenitsu only realized it when he heard your inner voice.

“breath of voice, first song: bolted melody”

you were not as fast as him but every time you make an attack, it’s as if a cold breeze brushes by his face at the smoothness of your movements, as if you were dancing to the songs of your techniques.

he had never heard of breath of voice before but now, he realized what could have been the reason for your silence, even as you two were little kids. you were meant to be a demon slayer of his breath, meant to train with a pillar and be a successor.

it gave him some kind of relief then. 

“breath of beast, eighth fang: pig assault!”

“breath of water, third form: beating tide!”

“breath of lightning, first form: thunderclap-flash: eightfold!”

“breath of voice, fifth sing: silent serenade.” even if you had your lips sealed tight, zenitsu could hear you. and the sound you emitted with your attack was overwhelming to the point that it caused their opponent to lose an ear by the time you had gotten near her.

he marveled upon your attacks but there was one problem; you still haven’t spoken to him.

and when the fight ended, the daybreak showing itself as the demons had vanished into thin air. yet, his attention was still on you, his eyes opening just in time to see the sunlight hit yours, making them brighten up just like how it was from before.

“(y-” you turned to him, the expression on your face vague, as if it was also confused of what to say or do or react.

“niisan.” there was longing in your voice but he dare not speak of it, afraid that it will disappear just like how you did before. now that you’re finally in front of him, alive and well, he could finally feel relieved that the sacrifice he made for the two of you before was worth it.

without another word, he lets you embrace him, even with the broken bones, gashes and wounds in both of your bodies.

he was having a hard time to grasp onto the moment as he also wraps his arms on you, dazed by how much he yearned for this moment to come—when he finally holds you in his arms the way he does before.

so even if there was awkwardness in the air and unresolved tension between siblings, for that single moment, zenitsu was grateful and felt proud of what he had done.

it was all worth it.

“i knew it! you two smells the same!”

both zenitsu and you gave tanjiro a weird look. by now, you four were in the engawa after the said boy had woken up. you and zenitsu still hadn’t spoken to each other but zenitsu could feel that you were slowly opening yourself up to him.

“twins? you both came out at the same time?” 

again, you two gave weird glances at inosuke, your reaction only making zenitsu feel comfortable in mimicking you. 

“i only came here to inform you that me and kanao will be handling your rehabilitation training.” you say, your voice a music to zenitsu’s ears.

“what?? aren’t you with us during the fight?!” inosuke questioned, earning you confused gazes from the three.

you sigh, sounding incredibly exhausted by just talking to them. zenitsu knows you were selectively mute but apparently, you had grown to be talking more than before. “shinobu-san cleared me already and assigned me with you three.” you narrowed your eyes at zenitsu, as if you were blaming him for taking your precious time.

“apparently, someone slipped out that we’re related.”

zenitsu chuckles, scratching the back of his head, acting guiltily.

you huffed but he could tell that you were not mad at all. a tall figure appears from behind you by the doorway, the sound pillar’s form appearing all of a sudden.

uzui ruffles your head and a smile appears on his lips before his gaze turns to the three. “good luck, kids. (y/n) over here got her strict attitude from me but she can be a softie like suma too.”

zenitsu watches from afar as you pout at the man, turning your head to look up at his towering figure. “hey-”

then, uzui turns to zenitsu, a grin appearing on his face. “don’t believe whatever (y/n) says. they still love you.”

“uzui-” you whine and zenitsu’s face lights up as he suddenly latches onto you, giving you a big embrace that he had been aching to do so. he snuggles to your back and you narrow your eyes at uzui, tanjiro and inosuke for chuckling at your state.

zenitsu had a bigger smile on his face once you relented, letting him stay in that position onto his heart’s content. 

it was indeed all worth it.

i honestly felt like i needed a lighter ending since today’s nitsu’s birthday. i’m not an angst sadist at that point yall. 

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Forever: Out Of My League

Intro: Steve can tell Katie’s feeling a little bit down. But in true Cap style, he’s not gonna give up until he figures out why and a way to make it better….

Warnings: Bad language. NSFW (SMUT!) No under 18s.

Pairing:Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N:  Someone once commented on a chapter of Stark Spangled Banner that they felt like Katie loved Steve more than he loved her, and that got me seriously doubting the way I had written Steve as that is most certainly not the case. The pair of them are ridiculously in love but Steve is utterly besotted with his girl, and let’s not forget spent 15 years alone in the past to ensure he could come back to her and live the rest of his days out with the love of his life. Also worth remembering he came back looking like Ari Levinson (it was the 70s) and he kept the beard simply because she liked it…what better declaration of love?!

With this in mind, I asked a few people what they thought and @icanfeelastormbrewing​ came back with a perfect song which she said she feels enCAPsulates (pun intended) Steve’s feelings towards Katie. So I’ve taken a different format to usual and pulled together a Song Based Fic based on a little request from @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​ for some soft Steve.

Written with Steve’s POV in mind.

The song is Stephen Speaks- Out Of My League. Take a listen, because it’s phenomenally beautiful.

SSF Masterlist  // Main Masterlist 

September 2027

It's her hair and her eyes today That just simply take me away And the feeling that I'm falling further in love Makes me shiver but in a good way

“Hey Pal…” Steve said softly, picking his baby son up out of the basinet. Instantly Harry’s soft whimpers died down as he pressed his face into his dad’s shoulder, his soft head nuzzling into the crook of Steve’s neck.

“You hungry?” he asked gently, carrying the 6 week old baby into the kitchen to grab him a bottle out of the fridge. Once he’d warmed it, checked it, he returned to the sitting room and began to feed him, his little cheeks working eagerly as he took his milk. Steve watched as Harry turned his bright blue eyes onto his and he smiled down at his son, gently adjusting his arms to make sure he was settled comfortably before he glanced up at the clock. Katie should be back soon from dropping Jamie at School and Rori at nursery. He was hoping that Rori had decided to get out of the damned car without a full on fight this morning, like the one he’d had with her the previous morning. His little Star Spangled Diva really wasn’t happy about the fact she had to go to Nursery when Harry could stay home all day. And she didn’t care when they’d explained to her that Harry was a baby and therefore was too little to go to nursery. She’d screamed and screamed and yelled about the fact that it wasn’t fair but her tantrum had simply made Steve even more determined get her out of the car and through the fucking door. In the end he had carried her in and explained to the familiar members of staff from Jamie’s time there, what was going on. They’d simply smiled at him, told him they’d dealt with worse (he didn’t voice the fact that he seriously doubted that) and he'd set her down on the floor, crouched in front of her and told her to be a good girl and he’d be back in a few hours, leaving her screaming behind him as he walked off. It had almost killed him but he was thankful it was him doing it and not Katie as she constantly doubted her decisions at a mother as it was and he knew that, despite all the teasing Katie did about Rori being Steve’s little Princess, she would be the one that caved and brought her home as she couldn’t bear to leave her behind, screaming.

Both of them loved Rori with everything they had, just the same as all their kids, but Jesus Christ she was the hardest one to deal with out of the lot of them, especially when she didn’t get her own way. Just like her mother, Steve often teased Katie, although he knew that deep down that was a slightly un-fair comparison. Whilst Katie was certainly prone to her little brat moments, she was utterly selfless when it came to the kids and her family and friends, one of the many things he adored about her.

Lucky’s head pricked up, and his tail started to thump against the rug and moments later Steve heard the door open and shut. She walked into the living room and he instantly frowned at her face, he could see she’d been crying.

“Honey?” he asked, looking at her as she walked towards him, running her finger softly over Harry’s cheek.

“I literally fed him about an hour before I left” she chuckled, avoiding Steve’s questioning eyes “You and your damned serum.” Steve watched her as she sat down next to him, tucking her legs under her on the chair, her long hair falling over her face slightly.

“Katie…” he said a little more sternly and he saw her take a deep breath and turn her face to him “What’s wrong? Was she a pain in the ass again?” “No, actually, she was perfect.” Katie smiled. “Got out of the car, walked in, smiled at everyone and headed off to play. I nearly fainted in surprise.” “So why have you been crying?” “Hormones.” she said, smiling at him “Honestly, I’m fine.” He could tell she was lying, he always could. Her eyes avoided his as she couldn’t ever lie to his face. But whatever it was she didn’t want to tell him so he let it slide.

For now.

“Ok…” he said, looking at her “Anyway, I’ve been thinking, why don’t we head out for the afternoon?”

“Shouldn’t you be prepping ready for going back for your pre-term meetings next week?” she looked at him and he shrugged.

“I’ll catch up.” he said with a smile. “Spending time with you is more important.”

Katie smiled and peered over at Harry who had stopped drinking. Steve gently placed the bottle onto the coffee table and moved Harry so he was over his shoulder, rubbing at his back.

“Anywhere in mind?”

“Well…” Steve looked at her. “We really should get you a new car.”

“Steve…I’m not…” “Just, hear me out…” he said, silencing her. “I’m not asking you to get rid of the Camero, I know how much that car means to you.”

She looked down and took a deep breath, “I know it’s stupid, it’s a lump of metal but…” “Tony got it you, I know honey.” Steve said softly “But I’m driving it now all the time because you need the Audi for the kids so….I thought maybe we should get another one. The Camero can be your little, I dunno, fun car.” “Fun car?” she looked at him, smiling as he shrugged.

“Yeah…one that we can snatch a drive in every once in a while when we’re alone…although fuck knows that hardly happens now.” Katie gave a chuckle, before she shrugged “Ok, we could go car hunting I suppose.” “And grab lunch?” Steve looked at her.

“Sure.” she nodded before she smiled a little.

“What you thinking?” Steve asked. “How much I loved my range rover that I got for my 21st “ She said, a fond look on her face. Steve smiled, that had been the car she’d had when he’d first met her, and it had been flatted under the triskelion.

“Yeah, that was a nice car.” he nodded “We can go and see about getting you one of those if you like?”

“Yeah, maybe…” At that point Harry let out a burp and both parents looked at him, Steve giving his head a kiss.

“Here, I’ll take him. You go get showered and then we can head out.” Katie said, gesturing with her arms. Steve gently passed him over and she held him close, his head resting on her chest, his little legs supported by her arms. Steve stood up, dropped a soft kiss to his wife’s lips and then headed up the stairs to get changed.

***** All the times I have sat and stared As she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair And she purses her lips, bats her eyes and she plays with me Sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say

The car shopping went better than Steve had anticipated. The minute Katie had sat in one of the vehicles in the showroom he’d seen her face light up, as she checked all the buttons and the various gadgets the car had, asking the sales man various questions. 40 minutes or so later they left, Katie having ordered a firenze red (Katie had smiled at the colour, saying it reminded her of Tony’s Iron Man suit) Range Rover Velar and then his wife had piped up that they should look for a newer car for Steve too. He’d protested at first, as he didn’t’ think he needed one but she’d shrugged and simply replied “when is anything we buy ever really about what we need?”

As a result they’d swung into the Porsche showroom on their way back in, and an hour later Steve was the owner of a sleek silver Cayenne in a grey-blue colour, with tan leather interior which would be delivered in about 10 weeks, not long before Katie’s was due. He’d fallen in love with the model the moment he had sat inside it. It was fancy, well finished, and felt beyond luxurious. And on the test drive he’d taken whilst Katie fed Harry again, it was fucking fast too, which easily satisfied his inner speed-demon.

“Well that was an expensive morning.” he grinned as they sat in the small bistro not far from Jamie’s school, Harry once more asleep in his pram as they both studied the menu.

“I’ve had worse…” Katie grinned. Steve snorted, and took a sip of his drink.

“Yeah, ok the house…I’ll give you that.” She smiled and Steve watched her glance through the menu, her hand brushing her hair back behind her ears as she bit her lip and studied the options for lunch. And there it was again, that look on her face, the one he knew meant something was bothering her. Before he had chance to push her further on it the waiter appeared and they placed their order. Steve opting for a pizza, because well he’d eat that stuff every meal of the day if he could, and Katie went for a chicken Caesar salad stating she fancied a changed from her usual choice here of Carbonara. Steve waited until the man had bustled off before he reached over the table and gently took Katie’s hand.

“You gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, honestly.” she looked at him, and he sighed, shaking his head.

“You know I can tell when you’re holding back on me,” he looked at her “I’ve known you for too long now sweetheart.” She looked down at the table and took a breath, “Steve, I don’t wanna talk about it, not here, not now…

“Katie…” “Please.” she looked at him, her eyes wide as she shook her head “Don’t…” Steve took a deep breath and sat back, holding his hands up in surrender “Ok, but this is not the end of this conversation.” “Don’t I know it.” she grumbled, giving him a look “You’re like a dog with a bone when you get going.” “I’ll give you a bone if you want…” he quipped, dropping his voice and leaning over the table. It wasn’t often he made a dirty joke like that in public, but it had the desired effect. Her cheeks flushed and she raised an eyebrow at him, a cheeky grin flitting across her face, whatever worry it was she had forgotten for the moment.

“Steven Grant Rogers…” she said, shaking her head and he shrugged, leaning back in his chair, eyeing her over his beer as he took a sip.

“You don’t want?” he titled his head to the side. “I didn’t say that.” “So you do…”

“Piss off Steve.” she laughed, making him grin again.

**** 'Cause I love her with all that I am And my voice shakes along with my hands 'Cause she's all that I see And she's all that I need And I'm out of my league once again

“Daddy!” Rori shrieked as Steve walked into the nursery. He smiled as she barrelled towards him and he scooped her up, placing a kiss to her cheek.

“Hey princess!” he smiled, “You had a good day?” “Yeah we did erm painting and some games and I fallded over but I’m ok…” “She took a tumble when they were outside on the playground.” Sally, one of the nursery assistants advised Steve, passing him an envelope. “It wasn’t anything major, she bumped her knee. She didn’t seem to even notice, or care, but we’re obliged to write it up.” “Thanks.” Steve smiled, taking the report from her and tucking it into his pocket. He wasn’t worried, she was like her brother in that respect. The half of her that was him was her robustness to general knocks and tumbles and germs, thanks to the serum. He placed her down on the floor and told her to collect her things, watching as she headed over to the little peg that contained her small pink backpack and her jacket.

“How’s the little one?” Sally asked and Steve turned to her, smiling.

“He’s great.” Steve beamed “Such a placid baby, in comparison to the other 2 anyway, certainly her.” he added with a nod towards Rori. She chuckled “Yeah, a lot of parents say that the youngest ones are often the easiest. I think it’s because as Parents you relax a little more and they feel it. You should tell Mrs Rogers to bring him in one morning, we’ve not met him yet.” “I will.” Steve smiled, nodding as Rori came back. He gently helped her put her jacket on before he stood up, thanked the staff again and led her outside to the car.

“Where’s momma?” Rori asked.

“She’s at home with Harry.” Steve said. “We just gotta go pick Jamie up and then we can go home.” “Ok.” she said. She fell silent for a moment before she suddenly piped up again “Daddy my knee hurts.”

Steve glanced down at her sceptically as he opened the car door “Does it? Or are you just angling for sympathy?” Rori pondered for a moment before she grinned “Sympathy.”

Steve snorted, she was honest at least.

“Ok…” he sat her in her car seat in the back of the car, buckling her in before he pressed a kiss to the knee she was pointing at “Better?” “Yes, fankoo.” “You’re welcome.” he said, shutting the door and heading to the driver’s side to climb in. He drove the few blocks to Jamie’s school, pulling into the pick-up area and nodded to the staff member who was on duty. Jamie waved and Steve had to snort at the state of him. His tie was completely wonky, his jacket was open, shirt untucked… typical 7 year old boy. He shot over to the car as Steve climbed out, opening the trunk so he could stick his rucksack in the back.

“Good day son?”

Jamie nodded and climbed into the car, sitting on the booster in the front. Steve clipped him in and then made to head home.

“Guess what me and Momma did today” Steve looked at him as he pulled out of the school grounds and onto the road.

“What?” “Bought 2 new cars.” “What did you get?” Jamie grinned

“Well, Momma got a range rover, a red one. And I got a Porsche.” “Cool.” Jamie said, nodding his approval “Is momma happier now?”

Steve frowned, “Happier, what makes you say that?” “When we dropped Rori off before she got upset.”

“Did she say why?” “She told me when we walked back to the car that it was just her feelings from having Harry” Jamie shrugged.

“Did she speak to anyone when you dropped Rori off?” “Just Sally.” he shrugged “There were some other ladies there but Momma didn’t speak to them.”

“Ok, don’t worry about it son.” Steve said, nodding to assure him. He knew Jamie hated seeing his mother upset. “She’s fine, like she said, just her feelings from Harry.” They drove home, Steve chatting to Jamie and Rori as they went but his mind was still on his wife. He knew now that whatever was bothering her had to be something to do with Rori’s nursery, or something that had happened when she had dropped her off.

And it gave him an angle to approach her with.

In typical fashion the Kids shot into the kitchen and Katie greeted them both with a smile from where she had been stood preparing their dinner. The kids began instantly gabbling away, both filling her in about their day and Steve leaned on the doorway, watching as his wife talked to both of them, crouching down to look them both in the eyes as they thrust various pieces of paper at her. He loved watching her interact with them, it was simply something he found astonishing how easy it came to her, being a mother had highlighted ever single trait he found so damned attractive about her even more and it lit a fire in his belly every single time he saw it.  She glanced up at him and he gave her a smile, pushing off the door frame and walking into the room, passing Harry who was still asleep in the basinet in the corner of the room.

“He not woke up?” Steve asked and Katie shook her head.

“We’re gonna suffer for that tonight.” she sighed and Steve chuckled, dropping a kiss to her cheek.

“Jamie…” he turned to his son who’s hand was sneaking up onto the counter next to Katie to grab a piece of cheese she had been grating. He grinned at his dad as he popped into his mouth with a shrug. Steve rolled his eyes, smiling “Go change pal, get out of your uniform.”

“Ok.” he agreed, heading out of the kitchen.

“I change too daddy?” Rori looked at him.

“You don’t need to.”

“But I want to.” she said, folding her arms. He looked at Katie who gave a snort as they both observed their little Diva.

“Ok, what do you want to change into?” Steve asked, picking her up.

“Bumble bear.” “You wanna wear your bear onesie?”

She nodded.

“OK…” he smiled, “Come on.” 15 minutes later, both kids were settled in the den, the pair of them looking at a jigsaw puzzle. Telling Jamie that he was on ‘big brother’ duties, basically an instruction to be careful and keep Rori out of mischief as much as he could, he headed into the kitchen to find Katie now wiping down the counters, the pasta bake in the oven.

“Jamie said you were upset this morning after you left the nursery.” Steve’s arms wrapped around his wife from behind and he felt her still slightly “Come on kitten, what’s been eating you all day?”

“Nothing, I’m just being stupid…” she said, turning in his arms to look at him.

“Doll…” his voice was stern and he lowered his head slightly, his eyebrows raising as he gave her a look that instructed her to tell the truth.

With a sigh she lowered her head and pinched the bridge of her nose “ I just overheard a few of the moms talking that’s all, I don’t think they realised I was behind them…” “Ok, well what were they saying?” “They just…” Katie took a deep breath, “They made a comment about Rori and how like me she looked, and then one of them said or at least how I used to look…”

Steve frowned, staying silent and waiting for her to finish.

“Then they kinda laughed and said that I’d certainly ‘let myself go’ a little after the latest one…” she raised her hands and framed the offending three words with phrase marks by bending the index and middle fingers on each hand forward twice in symmetry.

Steve fought hard to keep his face straight and not display they anger he was feeling inside. Fuck, he loved this woman, and the thought of anyone saying something so damned cruel it would upset her made him furious.

“They manage to look all neat and tidy for the school run and I…” Katie shook her head “It’s all I can do to make sure my top is on the right way round…fuck, I can’t even remember what I was wearing…” Steve shook his head, “I can tell you exactly what you had on. A pair of jeans, ankle boots, that gorgeous pink sweater…” “Steve…” “Honey…” he shook his head, “We have 3 kids, all who need breakfast and dressing in the morning, and one of whom is barely 6 weeks old…” “Yeah I know, and I know I need to give myself time but…” she shrugged, “You know that each time I’ve been pregnant I’ve kept some weight somewhere…” “So?” Steve frowned

“I don’t know, I guess I just miss being the size I was. It doesn’t matter, I told you, I was being stupid.” she said, shaking her head.

Steve looked at her for a second, his head cocked to one side. Whilst it was true that post Jamie her hips had remained slightly larger as had her chest. And the added curve to her ass hadn’t completely been there before she’d had Rori… but her stomach had returned to being fairly flat post both of their previous kids, even if it wasn’t a washboard of muscle like it had when she was at the peak of her SHIELD or Avenging days. Her waist had remained fairly small and all of this simply gave her a killer hourglass figure he fucking loved, and one that he’d noticed various other men casting approving glances over on more than one occasion.

And yes, now 6 weeks after giving birth she was still carrying extra baby weight over and above all that but Steve frankly didn’t’ give a shit. She was gorgeous to him, and always would be.

“Well I don’t miss it.” Steve looked at her, his hands falling to her hips as he pulled her closer “Sweetheart, before Jamie you were tiny! It’s skewing your perception, I could practically connect my hands around your waist.” She looked at him as he continued, to speak, shaking his head “We’ve both changed. We’re older, even I’m noticing it now…” he gestured to his beard and his hair which were both now sporting a fair smattering of grey.

Katie smiled “Looks good on you.”

“Yeah, and having our babies looks good on you” he pressed and she gave a soft smile, looking at him. “Just don’t think on it please, I love you. I always will. You know this.” “I know, sorry, like I said, I was just having an off day and…” she nuzzled into his chest as his strong arms wrapped around her back. “I guess the hormones kinda made it worse.”

“Well I’ll make it better later.” he grinned, leaning down to kiss her.

“Yeah, you finally gonna give me that bone?” she snorted and he laughed.

“Damned right…” he muttered, his lips brushing hers lightly “My baby momma…” ******

It's a masterful melody When she calls out my name to me As the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes And I feel like I'm falling but it's no surprise

Steve’s hands were all over his wife as she sat, straddled over his lap on the sofa. After putting the kids to bed they’d been cuddled up watching a film, and he’d simply been watching her sat there, playing with her hair, biting her thumb, and then his self-control had finally snapped and he had pulled her onto his lap with one aim only. His mouth gently trailed soft kisses up her neck to that spot behind her ear as his fingers began gently undoing the buttons on the front of the plaid shirt she was wearing, the shirt that as ever belonged to him. He opened them slowly one by one and Katie moved her head to catch his mouth with hers, her tongue sweeping over his bottom lip. He obliged, opening his mouth, his own tongue dipping into hers with smooth strokes as he gently reached the last button of the shirt and pushed it down over her shoulders, where it dropped to the floor.

His forehead pressed to hers and he looked down at her, giving a soft groan as his hands gripped her hips pulling her down further onto his lap, grinding up against her through his sweats. He was rock hard already, the sight of her sat on front of him was enough to make him lose his mind completely.

“You’re beautiful.” he mumbled, his lips grazing over her collar bone as one of his hands slid up her body, where it gently began to knead at her bra clad breast, softly teasing her nipple beneath the lace. He knew she was tender there, and he couldn’t go to town on them as much as he would like to but that was another thing that fucking turned him on so much. The fact that she was nursing his baby son, knowing that her body was nurturing him was so goddamned fucking amazing it had him low key horny all the time.

“Off…” She mumbled against his lips, hands grabbing at the bottom of his T’shirt and Steve sat forward slightly to allow her to pull it over his head and her hands ran through his hair, down his now bare back and up again, before she gently cupped her face with her hands, the pads of her fingers gently pressing into the whiskers of his beard as she leaned down for another kiss. Steve’s large hands flattened on her back, pulling her closer to him, their chests pressed together, lips locked deeply. Once more Steve titled his hips, causing Katie’s breath to catch in her throat and she pulled away slightly to look at him, Steve’s own breathing hitching slightly at the look of love and adoration his wife had on her face. One he knew he was mirroring completely.

Tilting his hips slightly, he raised them both easily off the sofa, and Katie instantly worked his sweats and boxers down over his slim waist. Without another second of hesitation he moved her panties to one side with one hand as he grasped his achingly hard cock in the other as Katie gently positioned herself before she sank down slowly onto him giving a soft mewl as he filled her, his hands returning to her waist once she had taken him in completely. With a grunt of his own, he held her still for a moment, before he bucked his hips upwards, Katie meeting him as she pushed down, tilting her hips so he was driving up against her spot. They found a rhythm, easily, as always. It was a well-worn dance between the pair of them after so many years together but a dance that Steve would never get tired of. Every single time it felt just as good as the last, and as Katie rolled her hips slightly, moving her forwards an inch Steve’s head fell back against the back cushions on the sofa, his hands cradling her close.

“Feel so fucking good…” he praised, his hips slamming upwards again, her moans of pleasure filling the room as she pushed downwards. He leaned forward, his mouth gently pressing kissing to her sternum and throat and she gave a shudder, rotating her hips urgently as Steve continued to push up and greet her movement for movement.

“Stevie…I’m…” she panted softly, her head falling forwards to catch his mouth and he felt her twitch around him, meaning she was close. His hands snaked into her hair, holding her face still as he kissed her hard, hips snapping forwards. With a soft cry, she stilled slightly, her moans flowing into Steve’s mouth as he felt her fluttering around him as she came and he wasn’t far behind. He pushed up, thrusting through her orgasm before he reached his own, with a groan that bubbled from his chest, his eyes closing in utter bliss as the feeling overwhelmed him. They both sat still for a moment, utterly spent, Steve’s hands skating up his wife’s back as she gave a soft hum of contentment, her head resting against his.

Steve gently pulled back, his hand tilting Katie’s chin up gently so he could kiss her again, soflty, and he smiled against her mouth, before Harry gave a shrill cry from the cradle in the corner of the room, reminding them of something that they had both forgotten during the last blissful 15 minutes of pure lust and passion. They weren’t just Steve and Katie anymore, they were Momma and Daddy.

And Steve wouldn’t change ANYTHING about that for the world.

*****

'Cause I love her with all that I am And my voice shakes along with my hands 'Cause it's frightening to be Swimming in this strange sea But I'd rather be here than on land

The next morning they altered their routine slightly. Jamie was dropped at school first and then Steve drove to Nursery to drop Rori off, complete with Harry so the staff could meet him for the first time. Steve kept a careful watch on his wife as she got out of the car, smoothing her hair back slightly as she helped Rori out, the pair of them making their way through the gates and into the building. Steve followed behind, the car seat containing Harry in his hand.

Once inside, Rori bounded off to see her friends and the nursery staff immediately crowded around Harry as Katie smiled and Steve gently placed the seat on the main desk. Katie lifted him out and handed him to Sally who beamed and gently took him in her arms.

“Oh, Mrs Rogers…” she looked at Katie then to Steve, “Sir…he’s beautiful…” she said, rocking him slightly as Harry’s hands gently fisted in the air, his eyes focussed on the older woman as she smiled at him.

“Just like his Momma…” Steve said, his arm curling round Katie as he pressed a kiss to her head. She nudged him with her elbow as she flushed slightly.

Once the staff had all finished preening over Harry, Katie made sure he was secure in his seat again, and after assuring the staff they would be seeing more of him in the future, they both made their way back outside. Steve clipped the seat back onto the base in the rear of the car and then stood up, glancing over the top of the door at Katie but she wasn’t looking at him. Instead, her eyes were watching something behind him and he turned to see two women as they walked down the sidewalk towards them, both of them leading a child each. Instantly he noticed his wife’s demeanour change as she tugged at the bottom of her top, pulling it away from her body and it didn’t take a genius to figure out who those women were.

Hell, no. Not on his watch.

Ignoring the surge of anger in his stomach he shut the door to the car gently and without a word grabbed his wife and pressed his lips to hers. It took her a moment to respond, he’d surprised her that much, but she smiled against his mouth as he kissed her deeply, his hands sliding down to give her ass a quick squeeze.

“What was that for?” she asked a little breathlessly as he pulled away, pressing his forehead to hers.

“Do I need a reason?” he smiled.

“No, suppose not.” she grinned, patting his chest “Come on, we never had breakfast before and I’m starving.” She moved away from him and Steve opened the passenger door for her to climb in. Shutting it softly he turned and saw the two women looking at him. He raised an eyebrow challengingly, his hands dropping to his buckle.

“Morning.” he said, his voice neutral but carrying that undertone of a challenge, in the way he always managed when slipping back into Captain mode.

“Err, good morning, Captain…errr… Mr Rogers…” one of them spoke, smiling “I’m not sure what you go by now.” “Neither am I.” he said simply “Bur Mr Rogers is fine, thanks. Reminds me I’m married. And who doesn’t want to be reminded they’re married to the most beautiful gal on the planet huh?” he said, smiling broadly “Even if some people think she looks a little different now from when we first met…”

The smile slipped and he levelled them both with a look, leaving them in no uncertain terms as to what he was saying and had to fight the smirk that was threatening to spread on his face as he could tell instantly that he had embarrassed them, which had completely been his intent. Both women flushed a deep shade of red and they both hastily bid him good-day as they bustled up the path towards the main door.

Steve climbed into the car, and Katie turned to him.

“You’re such a bitch.” she smirked, and he looked at her, not even attempting to pretend he didn’t know what she was talking about. He was busted, but he didn’t care.

“Well they shouldn’t be trash talking my wife.” he said shrugging. She shook her head gently before she leaned over to give him a soft kiss.

“Still going all protective over me, huh Soldier?” “Always.” he nodded as she leaned over to press her lips gently to his again. Smiling, she softly tucker her hair behind her ears before they both settled down and Steve snapped the car into drive, pulling off into the steady stream of morning traffic.

Yes she's all that I see And she's all that I need And I'm out of my league once again