#where she admits she's genuinely afraid no one takes her seriously

[canwriteitbetterthanueverfeltit]

ugh I keep realizing there are more scenes/revelations/moments I want in this story and I don't know how tf I'm gonna get all this done without having actual time to not rush myself and just sit and replan

[rachelsfav-queer]

I can’t sleep because my nose is all plugged up and also I slept in late this morning sooooo…

Late night Wenclair thoughts? I may smooth these out into a proper fic sometime so please don’t steal any of this! Thank you!

Below the cut just cause there’s a lot lol. All sfw stuff here, don’t worry

So, I just saw this post from @barblaz-arts with some of their sketches (sorry, I couldn’t find any pronouns on your blog and didn’t want to assume anything) and one of them was a “get-along shirt” shirt. So that made me think of Enid making a two person sweater for her and Wednesday to wear and Wednesday “begrudgingly” wearing it all the time lol. So she just constantly is trying to indirectly get Enid to ask her to wear it, cause she doesn’t want to admit that she actually loves wearing it cause of how close it allows her to be to Enid. Enid of course knows that Wednesday loves wearing it and why, but lets the seer think she’s being sneaky. (Thanks for the inspo barblaz, lol)

NEXT THOUGHT!

What about Wenclair’s first time sleeping in the same bed? Like, I imagine it’s probably a bit awkward and stiff for them. But I think that it’s actually Wednesday who breaks the tension by randomly blurting out something like “I want you to hold me… please” and like, she’s blushing, thinking she’s just ruined it all but Enid just smiles rolls over, opening her arms out to invite her to cuddle close. Ugh, can you imagine Wednesday slowly curling up against Enid as she becomes more comfortable in her gentle embrace?? 🥺🥺🥺

NEXT THOUGHT!

So, y’all remember that scene where after just barely meeting Enid, Wednesday opens up about her traumatic experience as a child that literally shaped who she currently is as a person, a characterization that so many people have criticized endlessly because they didn’t actually pay attention to this scene that explained explicitly why Wednesday acts the way she does and that it’s not just “teenage whiny ‘I hate my parents’ type angsty” stuff but actually an interesting and new take on these classic characters because these characters have been around for decades and it’s hard to come up with new stories while also keeping the characters the exact same…….

Sorry, I ranted again… sorry.

Anyway, y’all remember that scene, right? Well, I absolutely love it and what it implies for Wenclair. Because it shows how Enid is the only person who Wednesday shows true vulnerability to. Not even T*ler or X*vier with the infuriating love triangle they had. She comes close to it with Eugene and Pugsley, but only with Enid do we see that raw vulnerability. And I really like that.

So, to the actual point, I think that Wednesday actually has a lot of that throughout their relationship journey or whatever you wanna call it lol. Wednesday opens up to Enid and Enid only about she struggles with certain things and how she is truly afraid that her issues will end up pushing Enid away again, and for good this time. And Enid actually talks Wednesday through all this seriously. She tells her that yes, her behavior needs to be adjusted to no longer be toxic, but also assures her that she’s going to be there for her. She won’t tolerate genuine toxicity, but she will be understanding and patient with mistakes. Because that’s what Wednesday really needs and we see that in the show actually. Enid is the perfect deuteragonist to Wednesday because she holds her accountable in a way nobody else does in the show. She doesn’t dance around anything, calling Wednesday out for her sometimes toxic behavior but doing it in a compassionate way.

ITS BECAUSE SHE UNDERSTANDS WEDNESDAY IN A WAY NOBODY ELSE DOES EXCEPT HER FAMILY!!!! BECAUSE WEDNESDAY OPENED UP TO HER ALONE ABOUT HER PAST TRAUMA!!!!!!! they’re so fucking canon it’s not even funny

Anyway, this is all just for the point of Wednesday opening up to Enid, late at night, when neither of them can sleep. Wednesday because she needs to get these things off her chest and Enid because her girlfriend is struggling and she wants to be there for her in any way she can. Gods, I love them so muchhhhhh!!!!!!

NEXT THOUGHT!

On the thought of Wenclair being awake late at night, I believe with every bit of my being that whether you think “Wednesday is the top” or “Enid is the top” either way, Wednesday will either be little spoon or will be curled up against Enid’s side with Enid’s arms around her. Whatever way they’re cuddling, Enid is in someway holding Wednesday close. This right here goes hand in hand with my next thought, which is that Wednesday is very clearly autistic-coded and it’s almost painfully obvious lol. So, this means that Wednesday really likes the pressure of being held tight. She likes weighted blankets but not nearly as much as she likes being squeezed by Enid. That is all lol.

NEXT THOUGHT!

Autistic Wednesday and AuDHD Enid supporting each other’s neurodivergence wholeheartedly. Enid is always carrying around noise-canceling earbuds and headphones for Wednesday. The earbuds are for when Wednesday just needs basic protection from background noise, which is most times and the headphones are for situations when she needs something more heavy duty. So, when Wednesday’s getting overstimulated by the world and people around her. And with Enid’s touch being the only touch that Wednesday accepts without any sort of discomfort (yes I know that Gomez and Pugsley make contact with her too, but she looks slightly uncomfortable with it when they do it, compared to whenever Enid touches her, she doesn’t even seem fazed, not even when she’s a bit more excited and isn’t touching very lightly. There’s a clear difference) I think that Enid has a sort of “escape plan” where Enid will pull Wednesday away from situations where she’s uncomfortable. She’s always gentle, yet firm. Firm both for Wednesday’s sake because she needs the grounding but also to show anyone around to STAY BACK! Mmm, Enid being instinctually protective over Wednesday when she’s overwhelmed. Along with all that, Enid is basically a personal guard dog for Wednesday, keeping a clear distance limit for anyone around them, to ensure nobody bumps into Wednesday or touches her.

On the other hand, I think that Enid probably has texture issues with foods. So, Wednesday will act as a kind of “taste tester” but for textures whenever they come across new foods that Enid may want to try. Basically, Wednesday checks first to see if certain foods will trigger Enid’s texture issues or if they’re safe for her to try. Wednesday knows by heart what textures bother Enid and so is distinctly capable of handling this task and does it happily. And for Enid’s ADHD, Wednesday doesn’t particularly understand Enid’s struggles but is by far the single most supportive and understanding person to Enid’s symptoms. Whether it’s Time Blindness or Executive Dysfunction or whatever issues she’s dealing with, Wednesday either acts as an assistant to help Enid work through it, or if she’s unable to for whatever reason, Wednesday doesn’t let Enid for even a single moment feel guilty about it, reassuring her entirely.

Basically, they’re each other’s best support and they work together to help each other!

NEXT THOUGHT!

I HC Wednesday being into like, heavy rock/metal music. More specifically, I think she loves Ghost (definitely introduced to them by Yoko, same goes for all the other rock music she listens to) and so I think that Wednesday and Enid actually influence each other’s music tastes, so Enid’s listening to some of Wednesday’s rock playlists and Wednesday’s listening to Enid’s kpop playlists. At first, both do it simply are interested in being involved in each other’s interests. But, they both find themselves relating to the music they’re listening to and actually loving it just as much as the other does.

All of this is to say,,,,,,, Wenclair going to a Ghost ritual wearing the merch and Wenclair going to a kpop show (sorry I don’t listen to kpop so I don’t know any bands) wearing the merch.

Please someone draw either or both of these I am begging on my hands and knees please please please pleaseeeeeeeeee

Whew, OKAYYYY!!! I think that’s all I got lol. It’s almost 2 in the morning and I still don’t feel even slightly tired… this is painful lol

I hope y’all enjoy my sleep-deprived brainrotted wenclair thoughts lol. Feel free to share your thoughts on any of these either in the reblogs, replies, or my askbox! I’d love to know that I’m not alone in these thoughts and I’m not just losing my mind…… pls

[project-sekai-facts]

idk if I can ask u this but what is ur opinion on arata and kotaro

hello first off SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG FOR ME TO ANSWER but no i don't mind giving my opinions on the side characters

Arata and Kotaro are actually two of my favorite side characters! I didn't like them that much at first to be honest but they've definitely grown on me a lot recently.

I think Kotaro is really overlooked actually. Like I still see people bring up his actions in the main story when he’s moved on a lot past that, and then just write him off because of it. And I mean, it’s probably because he never got too much screentime between then and Power of Unity, but since he’s been making more regular appearances I think they’ve taken his character in a really interesting direction. He initially became a singer because he wanted to be a cool older brother for his baby brother and just happened to see RW at that time, which pushed him into street music. He just did it as a passtime because he was sort of good at it. However, RW did have a big impact on him, just like it had on An and Akito, even if he was only sorta casual in the street music scene. He admits in POU that the reason he never went further was because he was afraid, and seeing VBS putting their all into it inspired him.

It’s sort of subtle up until Light Up the Fire, but Kotaro doesn't have a lot of self-esteem or confidence in his singing. I think the first time it's ever brought up is in Power of Unity as far as I remember, where he asks once or twice if he's holding everyone back. LUTF makes it really clear that he has a lot of insecurities: he believes he's holding everyone back and he believes that he has no talent compared to the others. And that's what sticks out to me, because 3/4 of VBS have felt the same way. Kohane, Akito, and Toya all at some point or another believed they were holding everyone back, be it because they were a rookie, lacking talent, or had no resolve. Kotaro has been all of those and it’s obvious that he is written the way he is to serve as a mirror character to those three. He's had the same insecurities but the way he goes about dealing with them is totally different. While VBS had each other to rely on, Kotaro doesn't have a singing partner or group. He's a solo artist. And while he works with VBS, Arata, and EVER, he isn't part of any of their groups. Even Arata who also works alone still has Souma, but more on that in a minute.

(Also just an aside, I think he’s a mirror to Kohane slightly more than the others, and that slightly being the fact that VBS is what got him inspired to take this seriously, because that’s how Kohane got inspired she saw the others and wanted to be just like them, she wanted something to throw herself into and give her all to. The fact that she’s the main one who tries to call out to him when he breaks down in LUTF I think also plays into this, like it seems to hint that she’s able to relate to him.)

I really think Kotaro is much more than how he was presented in the main story and could definitely become a pretty strong side character if he ever got an event with a bit more focus (like how Vivid Old Tale gave Nagi a lot of screentime or POU had a lot of focus on Arata). Also clpl have you ever considered giving Kotaro a partner please give him a partner. Considering you rubbed in how important singing partners are before now why haven't you even tried to give him one?

Arata has definitely been given more development than Kotaro and I genuinely think he has one of the best arcs of any side character. Like he starts out as a rival for Akito, a foil to Akito. He's basically everything Akito wants to be, and also kind of a dick. Him getting beat by Taiga though, even though it was a small moment, was definitely an important turning point for him because it put him on the same level as everyone else. Because even he has someone better than him.

Oh and his development in POU was so good I'm probably gonna go on a little tangent about his relationship with Souma now because it's so important to his character. Arata's doing all of this for Souma. Souma was the one who wanted to do street music, Souma was the one who took Arata to RW, everything was Souma's dream, but it was still important to Arata. They were partners after all. But that's what it is. Were. Even if Arata wasn't the one who was in that car accident, it still took a toll on him. Souma has been forced into a position where he isn't going to be able to achieve his dreams, so Arata has to carry all that weight on his back. Surpassing RW suddenly has become so much more important to Arata because he wants, needs, Souma's dream to become a reality. The thing is, with how caught up he was in doing everything for Souma, he approached everything on his own. Surpassing RW isn't something he can do alone; the original was a collaboration between several groups, there's no way Arata could do it alone. He needed to work with people again, which he finally realised in POU.

Actually I think one of my favorite moments in his arc has to be his showdown with Taiga in LUTF. Because he's been able to overcome what was holding him back, he's actually able to get closer to Taiga's level. That is, until Taiga drops the "we're not so different" bomb. Because that moment is so powerful. Because at that point we see Arata as less of a foil to Akito and more of a parallel to Taiga. Both of them went through a similar loss of a partner, and Taiga uses that to get under Arata's skin and he goes for a deep cut. Souma is incredibly important to Arata, and Taiga knows that and had a similar experience of losing someone important to him, and is able to see exactly what’s still holding Arata back from reaching his full potential. Arata is doing all of this for Souma. For Souma. Taiga points out that Arata isn’t carrying Souma’s dream, he’s clinging onto the idea to cope with his grief. The thing is, Souma can’t surpass RW anymore. Arata’s loaded that responsibility onto himself, without even considering his own feelings on the matter. As Taiga says, Arata is good, great even, but he can’t be the best unless he asks himself if he wants this. Arata can’t even say that he is carrying Souma’s dream, that he does want to do this and he isn’t just clinging onto the idea to cope, and it crushes him to the point of leaving Shibuya.

Honestly I think leaving was what was best for Arata in that moment. Because he does need to take a step back and just let himself actually process his grief. Because even if Souma is still alive, that partnership was still lost and Arata had dedicated everything to that partnership and to Souma, and really he still does. And honestly I think this is what he wants even if you take Souma’s dreams out of the equation, but he needs time to himself to think about what he wants. I don’t know when we’ll next see him again honestly it might be a while but I’m interested to see how that goes. Arata is surprisingly developed and nuanced for a side character and the fact the devs managed to do this across 3 events, two of which he only appears in for a couple chapters is insane. Oh yeah also I like him a bit more than Kotaro if the wall of text wasn’t obvious.

[thefudge]

If I may dare ask what are your favourite romance novels?????

this will sound obnoxious, but i tend to love romance best when i encounter it in other genres (and i could definitely make a list of novels from different genres where the romance isn't the point but it goes so hard for me, and i think i have made some lists like that in the past? i really have to organize my books/book recs/book rec tags. and maybe make more lists)

but if we're going by novels that are considered and (could be) classified as romance, here's an imperfect list:

all of austen of course, but especially pride and prejudice and persuasion

jane eyre by charlotte bronte

the age of innocence by edith wharton

anna karenina by tolstoy (where i think i'm fonder of the kitty/levin pairing)

doctor zhivago by boris pasternak

gone with the wind by margaret mitchell (hate/love relationship but i am not immune to it, i'm afraid! i will say i prefer the book to the movie)

excellent women by barbara pym (god, i love the grumpy hero/heroine pairing here)

bridget jones's diary (the first book especially)

girl with a pearl earring by tracy chevalier (the movie too! colin firth and scarlett johansson had such good chemistry, it was surreal)

the blue castle by l.m. montgomery (love that we have a genuine "plain jane" heroine that doesn't turn out to be beautiful if she lets down her hair or any of that nonsense)

the french lieutenant's woman by john fowles (a postmodern romance, in many ways, but the yearning is so good)

spring snow by yukio mishima (i do think this is a romance, first and foremost, and my goddd, the angst and the yearning)

eligible by curtis sittenfeld (a modern p&p retelling; i know a lot of ppl hate this one but i really like it, though it could have been shorter. some of the lizzy/darcy moments in this book made my brain go brrr. the humor is great too)

sofia khan is not obliged (but just the first book in this series - another fun p&p retelling with a muslim heroine)

conversations with friends by sally rooney (i promised i wouldn't stretch the genre but this to me read as more of a romance than anything. and though i struggled with some parts of this book, i will admit that the affair between frances and nick did get to me. there were some particular sex scenes where rooney was doing what i like with the smut in terms of revelation and vulnerability)

the princess diarist by carrie fisher (okay, i'm doing it again, this is technically classified as memoir but again, the sections about harrison ford?? INSANE in terms of romantic anguish and angst. theee RPF of all time)

who's that girl by mhairi mcfarlane (some scenes in this book literally made my heart skip a beat?? this is a celeb/journalist romance that really worked for me. mcfarlane doesn't always strike the right chord with me but here, omgg. i hated her a bit for that ending, but some of the moments between the hero and heroine made me kick my feet like a lil kid)

birthday girl by penelope douglas (i don't know if i'd call this favorite, but it did the age gap thing right, while also being hot and well-written. it didn't toootally win me over, but i appreciate it when an author takes the "fell for my boyfriend's dad" trope seriously)

[lumenflowered]

[A third video file is attached. This one, again, picks up where the preceding video left off. Maria has just won a Pokémon battle against her doppelganger, and as such remains Champion. Though it is dubious whether Dee had any real desire to become Champion in the first place.

"...You did well," Maria says at last. "Very well."

"Thank you," Dee replies, an awkward sort of half-smile tugging at her features. "I knew better than to seriously think I would win against you of all people, I really am not much for battling..."

"You made it here," Maria interrupts. "Didn't you?"

"Well, yes," she admits. "...The first few badges were because I was not permitted into certain areas without first proving I could protect myself. Then... to meet you. I... I needed to meet you. To know who you were, not from what others said but from you. Does that make... any sense?"

Slowly, Maria nods. "What do you know of me, then?"

"I know that you could kill me within a matter of seconds if you set your mind to doing so and that there would be nothing I could do to prevent this." Dee winces. "I... from what else I know of you, I do not believe that you would. But I know very well that you could."

"...This is likely true," Maria admits. "Is that all?"

She shakes her head. "I know that Gehrman... he cared for you, greatly, in his own way. Far more than he ever did for me, when it became clear that I... that I was not you."

"If you know only of me from him," Maria says tightly, "I would advise you to assume everything you know of me is incorrect."

Dee shakes her head again, more emphatically this time. "No, I... there is a Hunter I once knew. A Hunter I still know, in a manner of speaking, though she no longer considers herself one any more than you do. She freed you from the Nightmare your soul haunted, and she was curious enough to look deeper into your past than she might have otherwise when she took note of your appearance being... very much like mine."

"She used an axe," Maria says. It isn't a question.

"She did indeed." Dee pauses, before something resolute passes into her expression. "You should meet her, when we are done here. I believe she will be able to answer more of your questions than I... and she does owe you an apology."

"I would not hold her actions within the Nightmare against her," Maria says unconvincingly. "In that place... I do not know that I was entirely myself."

"I was not," Dee says, "necessarily referring to that. But very well. I suppose... would you like to meet her now?"

"I." Maria looks genuinely daunted at this prospect. "I would not be averse to that at some point in the future, but... I would prefer not to quite yet."

"Ah. I see. Then I suppose—"

"You and I have far more to discuss than that," Maria clarifies. "But I would like to know who you are as well, Dee. I know that you care greatly for your Pokémon, that you have spent much of the time since your arrival researching Pokémon for Professor Oak. I know that you do not enjoy combat in any capacity."

"...It is so obvious?"

"Yes. You rather clearly do not enjoy it, but you were willing to learn how to do it rather well in spite of this. And you have directly aided me on at least one occasion that I am aware of, in spite of the fact that you outright admitted that you were afraid of me."

Dee does not quite conceal her wince. "Yes..."

"You... weren't meant to be your own person at all, were you?" Maria says softly. "You were meant to be me."

"I am not you."

"No," Maria agrees, "and I am glad of it."

She walks forward to take Dee's still-gloved hands in her own.

"Please," she continues, "tell me about you."

Maria is not much for smiling, not even when she is truly happy. It is apparent, after a few moments of quiet shock, that this is one of the places where she and Dee differ.

Dee smiles faintly, with what looks suspiciously like tears in her eyes, and the video ends.]

[corvuserpens]

So yeah, yesterday I decided to FINALLY watched The Meg bc everyone kept saying it was a silly fun shark movie... AND THEY WERE RIGHT. It was AWESOME.

I went in expecting practically nothing, and it blew me away. The story premise is ridiculous and it totally feels like the director, actors and crew 100% knew that and embraced it! The movie never takes itself too seriously, it practically tells you to just kick back and enjoy it for what it is, which is exactly what makes it so much fun. It's an exciting comedy horror about a giant prehistoric shark in present day Earth, the CGI is dubious but the cinematography makes up for it with some great, well composed shots. For example, when Suyin is in the trench and is being attacked by a giant squid? That in itself is pretty cool imagery, but then you see the Megalodon swimming over her sub with the squid in its mouth in the gloom, illuminated from below?? WOW????

Then the characters are like, surprisingly deep? They have interesting backstories that inform us on who they are and while Jonas is the only one who gets some screen time for his Big Trauma, we later learn that Lori might have blown up a whaler ship for an environment organization and that's how she learned to pilot? And that Suyin had a tough relationship with her dad but they love each other so much that with his dying breath he tells her how proud he is, that she already surpassed him as a scientist and he hopes Meying will grow up to be just like her? And we get all of that with some very organic, short dialog or like 3-4 minute scenes, which is rare these days. Legit good writing where it is most needed, all the more sober scenes are well-acted and so immersive, the characters are so likable I ended up rooting for all of them to survive (except that billionaire whose name I didn't bother to learn, everyone else I remember except him, FUCK that guy). Even the side characters, though flat, were interesting because the actors gave them so much personality!

And, WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S A WHOLESOME CISHET SHIP WITH JASON STATHAM WITH VERY LITTLE SEXUAL TENSION BUT A LOT OF ROMANTIC TENSION?? WHAT IS THIS WITCHCRAFT??? Seriously, I was shipping Jonas and Suyin so hard, their interactions were adorable. How he goes from being the typical Tough Manly Man Who Is Super Competent And Punches All The Bad Guys While Wearing The Same Tough Guy Face All Movie to genuinely caring for the whole Mana One crew and respecting Suyin as an accomplished female scientist in her own right who knows what she's doing and is also brave and headstrong herself... Much 'aww'ing' was done.

Not to make this too long a rant, I love talking about movies I enjoyed, sorry, but a few other small things I liked about it: that Lori and Jonas remained good friends who care and support each other, and want the other's happiness even being divorced, we need more of that! And Dr. Heller apologizing to Jonas and meaning it for saying he was crazy and basically ruining his life (plus Jonas forgiving him in the end), definitely wanna see more of that! Jonas' friendship with Meying, THAT WAS SO CUTE, I COULDN'T GET ENOUGH OF THEM!! The gags were all genuinely funny, I was laughing through most of the movie, and the jump scares got me more than a couple of times (though that might be a fault on my part, I'm a big wussy and I am not afraid to admit it). The action is so. DUMB. But it's the kind that it's so dumb it's good, y'know?

Final note, I gotta say, let Jason actually act more because he's really good and directors keep hiring him to play a stoic emotionless hero when he can do so much more? He has impeccable comedic timing, his line delivery no matter how bonkers, always lands, he's REALLY CHARMING and y'all are wasting his potential imo. Given, I haven't really watched many of his movies after the Transporter franchise, but for example, I loved him in The Italian Job and a couple of weeks ago I started watching Homefront and I was enjoying it because he gets to play a widower with a young daughter in a new town, and now I definitely need to finish it bc I'm a sucker for father/daughter dynamics.

Anyway, yeah, if you like sharks, B-movies or just something fun to watch that will make you laugh, go watch The Meg. It's good enough to convince me to go watch the sequel next August. Can't wait!

[memes-saved-me]

Max is probably the character I'm most indifferent about. I understand she went through a lot and there are times when she can be enjoyable but a lot of the time for me personally I really don't like her!

My main gripe with her though is that even after Billy's death not once does she ever bring up the abuse Billy had to endure all his life. The only time she mentions Neil is when she literally tells Billy's grave that he left Susan and Max (like that is supposed to make things better)

And you can't say she didn't know what was going on, SHE'D SEEN IT FIRST HAND! In runaway Max she witnesses Billy getting hit with a belt!!!

I honestly wished she had told the party about it, like she brings up how miserable Billy could make her at times but then she explains that it was because Neil made his life a living hell and he didn't have an outlet to take out all his anger on other than Max (even if he didn't want hurt her the way he did) she talks about how everytime she got into trouble Billy would take the blame and suffer for it.

The party could see Billy in a new light: at first they all thought he was an asshole who only looked out for himself when in reality he only had himself to look at for. Billy didn't have anyone supporting him or on his side, he barely had any friends back in Cali. Neil had taught him to never express his emotions to others and therefore he closed himself off to the rest of the world. Hoping that someone would recognize his reckless behaviour and try to help him.

Sorry for the rant, I just really hope the Duffers can pull their head out of their ass and fully redeem Billy's character and his relationship with Max. Have a scene where ghost Billy (not Vecna!Billy real Billy) is speaking Max while she is in a coma and he apologizes for how he acted and Max tells Billy she understands what he went through and that she knew a part of him did care for her. Billy admits that he did always want them to have a sibling relationship but he was so afraid of opening up only to get hurt again, which is why he acted out around her. The two get there closure and say that they love each other (maybe Max goes with him to the afterlife) that's how I want their arcs to end.

With them getting closure and starting to rebuild their relationship in the afterlife

I love Max but the Duffers let her (& Billy) down in S4. That scene with Lucas where he's talking about his guilt of not saying anything to Patrick about his abuse drives me insane because I was sitting there expecting Max to say something along the lines of, "I know how you feel. Billy was the same. I saw it happen but didn't do anything and I can't change it." That would have been such a simple moment to not only let Lucas and then inturn through general group knowledge know Billy was abused but also for them to have a genuine moment of relatability. It would have been nice for them to have a heart to heart about grief and actually have someone to speak to about it but nope.

The fact no one. Not a soul connects the dots of Max being depressed and her watching her brother die. I like to think she spoke to El about it before she left but after that was alone because no one else could understand.

Don't even get me started on Neil getting away with everything and Susan becoming a neglectful parent leaving Max well and truly alone.

I don't have big hopes for Billy's character from now on but I seriously hope I'm surprised by s5

[childofaura]

Do you ship characters in FE? If so, what are your top 10?

Oh GOSH I honestly don't know if I can boil it down to a top 10, given how Awakening and Fates are practically structured around shipping, it'll be hard to narrow it down. But I'll try, and I'll add some honorable mentions at the end (including my crackship 3Hopes shipping of F!Shez and Miklan).

Ryoma and Orochi. This support was honestly so endearing to me, as Orochi had a genuine desire to see Ryoma smiling and being happy. And Ryoma found solace in spending his time with Orochi, plus their S-Support is just so goofy and cute. The fact that they both bond over Mikoto too is just what makes the support. Also funny enough, I definitely see Shiro's physical design having both traits of Ryoma and Orochi, like how his hair is spiky in the back like Ryoma's, but has that bang curve like Orochi's.

Kellam and Olivia. These two were MADE for each other, the woman who hates to be seen and the man who can't be seen by anyone. I think it's sweet how Kellam slips things into her belongings and when it comes to the S-rank, it's all the more adorable. And the SIZE DIFFERENCE, she's tiny and dainty and he's just armored out the wazoo.

Manuela and Seteth. The support starts off funny enough, but there's just something about their dynamic that really ignites the chemistry these two seem to have, moreso than Hanneman and Manuela (in my opinion). Seteth is strict and more distant while Manuela is carefree and comfortable, and I think it brings out interesting sides in both (such as Seteth offering to go drinking with her and Manuela sharing her story about hearing Rhea singing). Also because Manuela and Flayn's support is also incredibly adorable, Manuela would make a great step-mother for Flayn with how well she treats her.

Leo and Charlotte. Everybody likes pairing Xander and Charlotte more most of the time, but I think what's wonderful about Leo's support with Charlotte is how he validates her feelings and praises her power while knowing how unfair it is that people would treat her lesser for being strong. Plus I like the dynamic of smaller, slender Leo being carried by his powerhouse of a wife Charlotte. And I also think that it makes Charlotte's support with Forrest very sweet because she knows what it's like to be seen by others as abnormal.

Hortensia and Fogado. I've explained it numerous times before, but this one I see as more a friendship set while they're both teens that ends up turning into feelings when they're adults and meet each other again. Basically the story idea (that I WILL write someday, I swear!) I have is that Hortensia, at 19 or 20 years old, is an advisor and a diplomat to Ivy during the recovery of Elyos and its nations, but feels unfulfilled by all the bureaucratic work as she feels it's not making as much of a difference to the smaller towns and villages of Elusia; she discloses a lot of this to Rosado. Rosado in turn writes to Fogado detailing some of these laments, in a request for him to come to Elusia in a surprise visit to take Hortensia out on some Sentinel-style missions for the Elusians. They do, in which not only does Hortensia feel like she's finally doing some direct worthwhile good for the Elusians, but also starts catching serious feelings for Fogado as they're working together and when she finally admits this, it actually shocks Fogado because he'd NEVER think someone would seriously fall for him like that with all his playful flirting. Romance happens, blah blah blah, they get married, and they alternate Sentinel work in both Solm and Elusia. The end.

Panne and Lon'qu. This one is definitely one of those ships that just fits like a puzzle piece for me; both have some serious trauma that they carry around, to the point where both of them are afraid of being near each other. But then they both open up and share their vulnerability, to which I think makes it an extra sweet ship. Plus I like Lon'qu's "Taguel or not, you're just the woman I love." And also, as someone once pointed out, it's hilarious when Yarne has two of Awakening's biggest hard-asses as parents.

Sylvain and Mercedes. Holy SHIT these two are perfect for each other. It was super hard for me to really click with shipping some of the students, but Sylvain and Mercie are set up so perfectly for each other. Sylvain talks to Mercie very honestly, without the usual overabundance of flirting, and Mercie treats him very sweetly, which I think kind of nurses the wounds of his trauma with Crests since she knows that pain as well. Plus their joking about "crest babies" always makes me laugh.

Gregor and Cordelia. Finding Cordelia a support where she DOESN'T keep fawning over Chrom is super rare, and pairing her with Gregor is, to me, one of the actually fulfilling ships she has. Especially after Gregor admits to himself that he fell in love with Cordelia, but knows (at least he thinks he does) that she's not interested in him. So when she DOES come back to him and admit her feelings, it's so satisfying watching him getting flustered and watching Cordelia explain that she lost her feelings for Chrom when she realized that Gregor was supporting her this whole time. And I feel like Gregor makes the best father for Severa.

Elise and Laslow. HRNNNGH THE SWEETNESS OF THIS SHIP. Elise is so bouncy and happy and warm, and the way that she pulls Laslow into making the dance game is adorable. But I think the biggest (and also kind of saddest) part of the ship that makes it for me is when Elise asks why Laslow would fall in love with her, because she's not curvy or busty like Camilla is. And Laslow just replies that she's her own woman and it's the qualities about HER that he loves, not someone else. These two would be happy with each other for a LONG time.

Camilla and Odin. I know I complain about Camilla, but that's mostly from a FEH perspective. I actually really like her character, and her support with Odin is one of the good reasons why. She's not rude or derogatory or put-off by Odin's eccentricities, but rather she's patient and kind and even encouraging to him. In their A-Support where she talks about her identity, I think that's a big thing for both of them because she, as an illegitimate princess, doesn't really fully grasp her place in the Nohrian noble hierarchy, but the identity of her armor helps solidify HER identity. And identity is a huge thing for Odin, he has to keep his a secret from everyone. Also it's sad because Odin himself knows how annoying he comes off as, and even tells Camilla that he's ready to hear her rejection and is shocked when she reciprocates his feelings. Oh and you CAN'T tell me that Camilla isn't a perfect mother for Ophelia. I adore their mother-daughter relationship.

So yeah, I'd say those are mostly my top 10 that I can think of. I know for a fact that I'll be crying later over some big ones I probably forgot, but for now these ones are the big ones. Some special mentions are Hinoka and Silas (because I think their ship potential is vast but their actual support was kind of disappointing. Both of them became knights to find Corrin again, and all they talk about is... Nohrian/Hoshidan relationships), Vaike and Sully, Azura and Subaki, Chrom and Sumia, and Frederick and Miriel. Oh, and also every one of my self-ship/Avatar ships, which is Priam, Shura, Dedue, and Zelkov. Also in FEH, it's a little weird but I ship Ross from Sacred Stones with Flayn, I have my reasons. And finally, as I mentioned above, my F!Shez and Miklan ship.

[solis3clipse]

well now I’m super curious about your ranking!! everyone’s opinions are so different but Dylan being both of our faves is pure taste 😌🤌🏼 also i love reading your tags hehe 💖

OHHHH MY you read my tags!! 🥺 <333 ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I’m so excited to talk to you about this :D I genuinely enjoyed reading through your reviews of the characters and it was so so fun hearing about your perspective and opinions, much much love.

Let’s go :D

11. Chris Hackett

• I’ll be forever mad at the fact that all of this would be avoided if he just talked to the counselors. Which ultimately brings me to the Controversial Hill Of An Opinion that I will DIE on: The fact that all of this happened is Chris’ fault, not Jacob’s. Considering that Jacob ruined the van with a more of an innocent intention to stay just another night, while Chris refused to give them an explanation that made sense and recklessly took off, thinking bunch of teens alone in a camp would actually take his advice and stay in. LOL

10. Abigail

• I can find at least 3 vague similarities between us, but I don’t like how the creators overdid the “socially awkward quirky” personality of hers in the game. The way she struggles to choose someone to dare in the game for 3 minutes, never takes compliments, and is sliiightly a coward ticks all my instant dislike checkboxes. However, I seem to LOVE the way she’s portrayed in fics! So much sweeter, bold and fun.

9. Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn’s a badass and i still like her a lot, but i’m afraid to admit that the love i have for her stemmed from her and Dylan’s friendship sequences where she’s being genuine. I just don’t get along with people who speak and act with massive sarcastic undertones at all times, therefore i feel like she often outdoes the facade she constantly plays of “The Boss Of The Group” which makes her less authentic for me. I often can’t take her seriously even though she’s supposed to be a fan favorite. Other than that, love her bravery, courage and protectiveness.

8. Laura

Honestly I don’t have strong opinions about her other than how badly she handles situations that would undoubtedly bring her towards ultimate doom. Like how she goes to investigate a forest after potentially running into (and over) a strange scary looking blob of a body and how she insists that someone in that basement needed help without staying for a second to look further or listen closely. Plot armor, i get it, but still! She’s a sweetie otherwise tho.

7. Emma

Very iconic, very relatable (especially referring to her interpretation of “faking it”, i feel like that whole conversation gave her so much more depth.), i just do not feel comfortable at all with how ruthless she gets with people. I understand being annoyed with Jacob, but the lines she throws at him for someone who’s just a softie that’s hung up on her are worryingly mean; I also don’t think she kissed Nick in order to “help him and abi out” but, eh. Love her apart from all that.

6. Jacob

He’s a dumbass. I believe he is quite literally THAT childish and silly, also almost the one that never had vile intentions and spent the entire game trying to save his friends (Abi, Emma) before he got caught with wolfie nick. I know if only he’d known this would have happened, he’d drop the idea and think of other alternatives to bother Emma, bahaha

5. Nick

My man dies when he’s supposed to die in-game. There is no more Nick after he turns into a werewolf, which is a pity, considering that there was quite a bit to unpack. Starting from his australian accent.

Beeeeeeuuuurrnnnnnn…

haha, now we beuuuurnnnnn….

4. Ryan

Don’t like how bland and dry he gets at times. Yes, i’m talking about the man that answers back with “smOoOoOth” to Dylan’s pick-up lines TWICE. LMAO. I’m also forever bitter about the fact that he tells Laura that he doesn’t really like Kaitlyn or Dylan more while being clearly interested, what was that about??

Man, i still love this boy, but does he make me mad from time to time😭 Obviously he holds a special place in my heart, but I wish he’d been more gentle with Dylan. I suppose we’re asking for too much here

3. Travis

Poor man is just trying his best. I might be just a TINY bit biased because of Ted Raimi’s BAFFLING performance, but i think Travis is just iconic, start to finish.

2. Max

One of the funniest characters hands down. I admire how patient and respectful he is to Laura throughout the game, he’s genuinely funny and cares for her a whole lot; doesn’t give up easily and doesn’t guilt trip her once for the mess they got into. Idk i adore him.

1. DYLAN

Love love love LOVE love LOVE HIM. Funny and charismatic, easy to get along with, friendly with a bit of sass and FIERCELY protective of his friends (just observe the amount of times he puts himself in front of Kaitlyn to protect her). Doesn’t bother anyone with whatever he’s dealing with, has interesting hobbies and is absolutely wiser than he seems at first glance. Honestly i can’t find one thing wrong with him; I’ll go as far as to say that he’s one of the best written characters in Videogame history to me. Very good boy.

Thank you so much for the ask :D Hope you enjoyed this enormous analysis haha <3

[laurelwinchester]

So since a big part of HTLGI is how horribly people in Laurels life have treated her, which the show wasn’t willing to acknowledge, I’m trying to figure out how they stand on it. Is it like this?

Dinah: Unwittingly to admit she’s a horrible mother, probably blames Laurel for whatever problems they have, and isn’t willing to try and fix things. Or at least, not seriously try as the incident with the sweaters showed.

Oliver: Knows he was a bad boyfriend and a bad friend, and that Laurel deserved better. But he doesn’t seem to realize how bad he was/is (he thinks he was a 6 out of 10, but he was really an 8), and also doesn’t seem to be aware of what things were really bad. Such as his ableism.

Sara: Knows she was a bad sister, and is genuinely trying to be better and more supportive. I’m pretty’s sure she did finally apologize for everything.

Quentin: He’s the one I’m not sure about. Is he aware that he’s a bad father? That argument with Dean makes me think no. He seems to know that Laurel was murdered because of him, but also seems to expect people to forgive and forget that.

Just curious as to their views on their treatment of her, let me know is you can. Thanks.

okay so this is a meaty question and it requires a meaty answer so stay with me here, i have a lot to say.

dinah: i have no earthly idea what is wrong with dinah in canon. she's just an incredibly badly formed character written by incompetent writers who made it clear for the better part of a decade that they were unaware women were also people and who should probably be jailed for wasting alex kingston's time and ours for years. there is no other explanation. HOWEVER… i do know what's wrong with htlgi!dinah.

now obviously there's more to it - and i'll get into that in a minute - but the crux of the issue is this: when dinah looks at laurel, she doesn't see a daughter. she just sees the curse. a time bomb. not a thing to love, but a thing to be afraid of. she has never been able to escape that line of thinking and that destroyed any chance of her having any kind of normal relationship with her eldest.

the surprising thing about her is that out of everyone here she is actually the most self aware. at least now. she wasn't always, there was definitely a time where she was angry, where she put unnecessary blame on laurel's shoulders for their endless conflict, where she lived in denial, but at this point she is well aware that it's on her.

she is not someone who should have been a mother. she wasn't really interested in having children, but quentin wanted children and she didn't want to lose him. which is never a wise family planning method. she's not a particularly maternal person. she's not warm, although she's tried to be. mostly what she is, what she has always been, is a frightened person and that is, ultimately, what drove a lot of her choices. she wanted a normal life with her normal husband, away from the weird spooky darkness surrounding the ellard family, but for whatever foolish reason, she didn't take into account what would happen if her firstborn child was a girl. unfortunately, the person who ended up paying for that foolishness was laurel. she spent much of her life wondering what she had done to make her mother close herself off from her and it turns out all she did was exist.

reasonably speaking, there was likely some undiagnosed postpartum depression in the mix when laurel was born, along with environmental stresses (dinah and quentin were young, broke newlyweds living in the glades and eventually had to move in with her parents because their financial situation was so untenable) but at the end of the day a lot of dinah's treatment of laurel stems from stubborn ignorance and deep rooted fear.

when she looks at sara, she sees her mirror. they were able to have a good relationship because they were a lot alike. they were mother and daughter but they were also friends. dinah encouraged sara's youthful selfishness because it was something she never truly got to have. she never worked particularly hard to heal any rifts between laurel and sara, largely ignoring the deteriorating relationship between the sisters as they got older because, deep down, although she would never admit it, she probably wanted sara to distance herself from laurel because she believed laurel to be unsafe. she favored sara because sara was hers. laurel was something lost before she was even born.

when she looks at laurel, she sees the curse and all the others before her. dinah ellard was a wonderful person with a wonderful life - but she still drowned herself before she hit thirty five. faye, depressed and paranoid, yeeted her kids and hid away in the woods for the rest of her life, barely venturing out. faye's daughter elizabeth drank herself into an early grave. dinah's own sister, valerie, is unstable more often than not, has sucked all the air out of the room for her entire life, stealing most of bea and richard's attention even into adulthood and still, now, in her early sixties, needs to be looked after like a child. and then there's edie. volatile, explosive edie who brought down a building on hundreds of innocent people and got her throat ripped out by a hunter with a chip on his shoulder. and that's pretty much all dinah knows of the curse. terrible echoes of women who went wrong. so that's what she saw when she looked at laurel. and she's not really someone who will love the monster anyway. she's more of the opinion what's the point of getting attached to something that will either wither and die or kill everyone in the blast radius?

oliver: 100% this man's biggest problem is that he has rocks for brains. no other way to put it. he puts his whole foot in his mouth regularly and does not understand why people get upset with him. doesn't know what ableism is. probably couldn't spell it. thinks he can't possibly be misogynistic because one time he tweeted a picture of himself in a pink shirt that said ''the future is female'' and a bunch of blue check marked white women with ''freelance journalist'' in their bio came out of the woodwork to stroke his ego.

he rarely intends to hurt laurel. or anyone for that matter. most of the time he genuinely means well. in fact, right now, where we're at in htlgi, he is something that is causing major strain on laurel's marriage and he doesn't even know it. i think, just from seeing her in an actually happy and healthy (for the most part) relationship, he does realize in retrospect that their past relationship was unhealthy, that she was deeply unhappy, and that he was more than just a regular ''bad boyfriend'' but i doubt he knows what to do with that information. he definitely doesn't know how to make up for it.

but overall he is not a villain, he's not a bad guy, he is just a rich, entitled, privileged man who grew up lacking vital life lessons and kindergarten logic because he was never expected to need any of these things. he had money. he didn't need emotional intelligence.

(and i know we're supposed to believe the island made him better but we saw the flashbacks. those five years were mostly here's how oliver learned how to shoot an arrow, how to fight, how to speak this language, here's how he learned this skill and that skill, here's how he got this tattoo and met this person and made this enemy. there was very little here's how oliver learned emotional intelligence.)

sara: yeah, dinah was primarily the problem here. most of sara's bad habits were inherited from and encouraged by her mother. dinah taught her how to be selfish and callous and that her every bad decision would be forgiven no matter what. insidiously, without either of them even really realizing it or thinking too hard about it, dinah also taught sara that laurel was beneath them. again, that was never intentional but that was the vibe dinah gave off because of her own issues and kids are sponges so sara definitely picked up on it. she knows better now obviously. she's learning. she's her own person. if she makes it through htlgi and goes back to the legends, we know she'll learn more and carve out even more of her own personality separate from both her mother and sister. i think she will probably always be a little childish when it comes to laurel, but in normal younger sibling way. less i'm going to steal your life because i was taught i deserve it more and more yeah i cheated at mini golf what are you doing to do about it i'm baby.

quentin: he is a tough one because he truly is easily the most frustrating case here. he recognizes he's made mistakes, but does he recognize he is a bad father? not…really. to an extent maybe. he will carry the guilt for laurel's death with him for life, but will it make a difference? doubtful. he apologizes and will continue to apologize, but will it change anything? no, probably not. i don't think he's able to understand the concept of long term trauma.

like, if the lance family were to go to family therapy right now, dinah might have a breakthrough, but quentin would probably be unable to get there. laurel could bring up something blatantly horrendous that he did in the past and be like hey when i was nine months pregnant and scraping your drunken ass off the bar floor, you kind of called me a whore and blamed me for sara's death and it's been stuck in my head ever since and i've spiraled into self hatred and depression like a hundred times and have regular nightmares, is this bad? and he would just be like ……idk that was years ago babygirl sounds like a you problem.

and i have no idea why!!!

with dinah, i can work her out. i can attach her to the lore of htlgi and the mythology of the ellard family and make her make sense. a terrible kind of sense, but still a kind of sense. with quentin, i…really don't know why he is the way he is. he's just kind of a stubborn dick. maybe his own father was an asshole? maybe he's just one of those parents who think they can do whatever they want to their kid because they made them? (for the record, i think that seems like the option that's most in line with his character.) or in htlgi, there is the recurring theme, in regards to dean and laurel, of the hungry recognize hunger. maybe it's the same with dinah and quentin, but instead it's trash attracts trash.

[petrichor-edje]

My dad just had me watch The Abyss and I have many thoughts (both my dad and I are somewhat experienced rec divers (70+ dives)) and I really enjoyed this movie although my mom did accuse us of being divers who liked to watch stories about horrible things happening underwater and made fun of us

Anyway thoughts below

- very first shot of Lindsey, we see her stiletto touch down on the deck of this ship with perfect balance good for her

-mustache navy man so afraid to admit a woman knows more then him that he hides symptoms what could go wrong

- the entire exploring the downed sub sequence my dad and I are arguing about wether or not they are using a line for navigation because we can’t see it

- finally spot the line they are using and I’ve never dove a line before but I know enough to know they are doing it poorly

-also why does it look like a fancy curtain pull no wonder it broke

- alien thingie shows up and all the equipment loses power(?) or malfunctions and this means the sub crashed because of one of them

- if the guy who fucked up his mix didn’t get hurt in the initial convulsions he’s probably going to be fine

- there’s a storm coming and the navy guys fucked off to fuck around with nukes fuck them seven people died because you wanted to play with a bomb (6ppl on rig +guy in crane)

-this situation would be less stressful if someone turned off that goddamn music

-“raise your hand if you think that was a Russian water tentacle” single best line in the film

- Lindsey should have been allowed to slap him in the face

- man with psychosis has gun and nuke all signs point downhill

-the plan is to nuke the aliens genuinely can’t tell if he’s delusional and expects them to survive this or if he just doesn’t care anymore

- SUBMARINE FIGHT!!!

- if they had normal regulators instead of those stupid full face helmets they could have buddy breathed back to the rig just fine

- Lindsey I know your plan involves drowning but you coulda swam halfway back with the time you spent underwater kissing jfc

- fun fact apparently a guy survived for like forty minutes in a similar condition to what happened to Lindsey and came back fine

- I am so fucking mad with the scene where they are trying to revive her they try for like thirty seconds and give up and nobody was doing compressions for the first part of the scene and then THEy TaKe thE OXyGEN OUT??? When they think she’s dead??? It’s been like thirty seconds and there is no reason to take it out? Even if she’s dead there’s no way it could make the situation worse and if she’s alive it’s kinda fucking important?????

- then there’s that tender conversation and all I can think about is where they got dry clothes from because you know everything on that rig is now damp and salty and also curly hair is a bitch to dry

- now bud is going down in the liquid gear which has made it’s reappearance after being mentioned once an hour ago

- the worst part about the whole descending sequence is that there’s not even anything to be mad about because it’s a terrible idea but there is literally nothing else that can be done there is no better option

- I do love the bit with the colored wires tho because it is seriously hard to differentiate color at depth and it was super relatable

- but he literally just guessed because at this point why the fuck not 50/50

- and then he’s dying and I’m crying and it’s very sad but it’s also okay because he did what he needed to do to give everyone else a chance and he’s made his peace with that but somehow that’s the saddest part

- and then alien

- I love the aliens stupid little blinky eyes so cute when they blink

-was worried that at the very end when the alien ship brought them up and I saw the hatch to the rig open that that were going to just explode because of the pressure differential

- glad that didn’t happen must have been alien magic *shrugs*

[pointreyesjournal]

The Amnesiac : ep13

Tuesday

2:15pm the following day, I’m tapping my fingernails gently on the front window of the coffee shop. River unlocks the door, and let’s me in. Another patron tries to follow me inside, but River brushes him back.

“Sorry sir, we’re closed.”

“But you’re letting him in” he pleas.

“I’m the staff accountant” I lie.

“Six to two tomorrow. We’ll see you then” she says as turns the deadbolt closed.

We stand, face to face a few feet apart in the entryway for quite a long time in awkward silence. River is watching me quite intently. In fact, she has her laser beam gaze focused right on me. There’s a silent mental fencing match happening between us, and the first to speak is going to get the sabre through the chest. I take one cautious step toward her and hold out my hand, gesturing for the broom. She squints her eyes at me and tilts her head a little to the side. A silent accord has been struck. She hands me the broom and I begin turning over chairs.

“You weren’t here this morning.”

“I make a damn fine cappuccino for myself at home if I’m honest.”

“If you’re going to be a prick, I’ll unlock the door and you can just fuck off back to where you came from. You and I having coffee after hours is a privilege, not a right.”

It’s interesting how anger and concern are almost indistinguishable on someone’s face. River has taken a genuine interest in this peculiar situation I find myself in, ownership you might even say, so I probably shouldn’t tease her right now. But, there is a certain primal satisfaction of watching the afternoon light dancing in her angry eyes.

“It didn’t make any sense for me to come during the morning rush. Plus Emma’s little flirt routine is getting on my fucking nerves."

“Emma’s little flirt routine gets on everyone’s fucking nerves … But who gives a shit about Emma. What are you doing here?”

“I had night terrors last night and I need help figuring out what they mean.”

That admission catches River off guard. The attitude toward mental health has changed in recent years. It wasn’t long ago that it would be completely unheard of for a masculine male to admit to a woman that he was afraid of the boogieman. But the look on River’s face tells me that she understands deeply, empathetically. She’s an intelligent woman and is deeply curious about my amnesia. She takes a sip from her latte and then wraps both hands around the glass to take in the warmth.

“I’m here to listen.”

“And I lost my job.”

“Ouch. I’m sorry to hear that. Can’t you email them and explain the situation?

“Fuck them River, a month of my life is gone. Poof! Gone. The only thing that matters to me right now is figuring out where the hell I’ve been for the past thirty days.”

“Have you checked your phone?”

“My phone is gone.”

“It’s not in your car?”

“I don’t have a car.”

“You don’t have a car??”

“No. Just a motorcycle.”

“Seriously Floody, we’ve got some shit to unpack here. You’re job-less, phone-less, and car-less, and you think your biggest problems are behind you?”

“That’s not funny River. Please, what am I missing here?”

“Okay, let’s talk about last night. You said you had night terrors?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, tell me more.”

“Okay, yesterday after I checked my email and realized that I lost my job, I thought it was a good idea to take a motorcycle ride down the coast to see if I could clear my head a little, thinking maybe it would jog my memories.”

“And did it?”

“Yes and no. Have you ever heard about flow state?”

“Sure, it’s that phenomenon where extreme sports athletes push themselves to the limit and everything seems to happen in slow motion … like an out of body experience.”

“Exactly. I headed down through Big Sur and just pushed my motorcycle super hard, right to the limit to see if I could trigger flow state.”

“And did you?”

“Yes, I went deep into flow state but it didn’t trigger any memory recall. Until … until I fell asleep last night.”

“Oh?”

“All night I kept having this dream that I was hurling through the darkness of space. The stars were flying toward me and exploding in my face like raindrops on a windshield. And then the stars were flying toward me and exploding in my face like aliens splattering on the windshield of the spaceship, bright and colorful but also gross and morbid. But ahead of me, there was nothing. Just void. I woke up to pee and tried to keep myself awake long enough that I wouldn’t have the same dream again, but as soon as I fell back asleep, void … stars … explosions … void.”

“Do you think there’s any connection between the shower dream and the space dream?”

“I have no idea. I can’t decipher the meaning of either dream.”

“Hey, how’s your butt? Does you butt hurt too? Or just your head?"

“My butt is fine. Why?”

“I’m trying to rule out alien abduction.”

“There were no alien anal probes River.”

“Okay, I think we can rule out alien abduction.”

In a moment of levity to break up all of the seriousness, River holds up her finger like E.T. the Extra Terrestrial and says in her best alien impression voice “Anal probe … phone home Floody … E.T. want anal probe.” We both have a good chuckle.

“Keep that finger away from my bottom River.”

[josiebelladonna]

sigh.

remember when i said i barely go through fanfic tags anymore because i have better things to do? well… apologies ahead of time given i’ve said that i’m anything but a liar but.

i lied.

i look at them every day when i have a moment just to see what tickles my fancy. if something is good, i have a look but hardly ever is this the case. make no mistake: i do have far better things to do and i am moving when the time comes. it’s just finding the right place and having the money to fall back on. so, sometimes there is that stray moment where i simply can’t help but be curious. i think like a scientist: i have a very inquisitive mind.

if you’ve been following up with dead man walking, you might have seen in this last chapter that alex is feeling rather afraid at the moment because he feels peter caught up to him. krista tells him that he has thought ahead of him and he continues with it.

well, that scene aged and my statement both aged like wine. don’t ask me how because… i don’t even know.

i am seriously not sure as to what she was going for here with this, but i could only assume the worst just… knowing how she is.

the first thought that went through my head was “be scared of what, exactly?” especially since it feels oddly specific and it came in the wake of my saying that. i’ll admit that i probably looked into it too much but can you blame me, especially after i had just come down from my worst bout of anxiety in almost a decade? quite frankly, i saw it as a warning that came in the form of mocking me: “turn your back long enough and see what happens.”

if nothing else, it feels like she’s taking advantage of the fact i have anxiety and she can’t bear to be questioned or proven wrong.

i’m sorry, but it doesn’t matter how much you don’t like someone and how much you want to trash them through mediocre fic that should’ve ended months ago. someone’s opinion, no matter how annoying you think it is, is harmless. there’s that expression “opinions are like assholes: everyone has one and no one wants to hear it”, i feel it’s more like “opinions are like nitrogen: not sure why it’s there but it serves a purpose but at the end of the day, it’s not going to hurt you.”

it’s on you if you get so offended that you actually have to beef yourself up and get all up in arms about my place i have busted my ovaries the last three years to get to where it is now on a site i adore. it’s on you if your jealousy towards me gets so out of control that you actually have to flex and show off to everyone just how high and mighty you are and disguise it as “empowerment”, and not without taking words out of my mouth and passing it off as her own all the while, or something equally hilarious. she still hasn’t gotten tired of this.

i’ve said this at least 7 times before: i really don’t want to be doing this because it’s sad when you think about it, but it also isn’t. i’m not the one responsible for your madness, your anger issues, your gigantic ego, your closemindedness, and the fact you have your blinders up: YOU ARE.

i am genuinely worried about what she’s going to do next, whether it’s something drastic or not. she really is hellbent on taking me out even after i’ve tried to be gentle with her. so, because of this, i’m keeping a close eye on my ao3 and my tumblr. it’s like she lives in this backwards universe where heated words are met with blocking and i have to actually demonstrate my sincerity (dead man walking is one of those things i’ve always wanted to write, though—don’t take that the wrong way), and laughing at how ridiculous the whole thing is is met with “you should be scared”.

one thing i feel is keeping me safe—if it is a genuine warning—is i stay signed into my ao3, tumblr, twitter, instagram, and email, just out of habit, and i’ve opted out everywhere simply because tracking is so creepy… but it also keeps people from doing something horrible (and very illegal) like doxxing or hacking. really, with that in mind, plagiarism takes a back seat to everything else: absofuckinlutely, that can ruin someone’s life but so can getting into their account without their knowledge and wreaking havoc on it.

another thing that gives me the upper hand this time is that lie: i genuinely stopped caring about this a long time ago and i wanted to make that clear, but i said it out loud because though she has me blocked on here, she’s either stalking me or there’s someone here who’s a snitch. the hit counter and the map on my blog went kaput, but how else has she been reacting the way she has, weaponizing her own fic and dragging her readership down into the sewer just to prove how right she thinks she is (which, even on my worst day, i would never do anything that low)?

much like alex, i observed, learned from the lessons this whole thing brought me, and i thought ahead. i lied because i wanted to see what she would do. when nothing came of it, shortly after, i followed my nose to another place and one that got me thinking. surprise, surprise, she took the bait. i’m worried about what she could do, but i also am not. it did genuinely frighten me last night, like it felt like a legitimate threat to me and my little library, after all the work i’ve done for it.

don’t blame me for thinking. don’t blame me for having an opinion. can you blame me for being concerned, though? but at the same time… i can’t afford to be afraid. i went quiet all day today and i might continue that silence this weekend and tend to other things.

i’ve tried to go quiet in the past to see if it goes away and it obviously never did: i said i was laying low and it understandably almost sounds like she’s threatening to stab me in the back and upend my life when i least expect it (why i don’t believe “just ignoring” a bully ever helps—it never has for me).

it’s hard to say, though, knowing how her reputation is even after everything that’s happened. but the biggest names don’t last forever, though. 

honestly, at this point, two years after it happened, the problematic aspects of her fics are still too obvious to ignore. she’s all talk, too: the one fic from her i genuinely liked, stay, showed me a little nugget of genuine humanity. but that was pretty much it and my one complaint was the ending was kind of meh. but otherwise, i never saw her throw her weight around and the times she did, it was only to benefit herself and to brag. add to this, she only wants risqué het fic from people, even if it sucks: she doesn’t care about quality or if it’s something she genuinely enjoys. she just thinks, “hmm, porn!” and gobbles it up.

i like porn as much as the next fan chick and i’ve been playing up the whole “boy-hungry maniac” trope since late last year, but to do this to yourself, only crave things that are just the least bit sexual, it tells me how low your standards are. good heart or not, if you have low boundaries, it’s hard to take you seriously, and i speak from experience with this, too—this would probably explain why her fics tend to attract some of the most histrionic people, too.

i warmed up to her because i wanted to be more familiar with the fic community: i was returning to it after a very long time of writing originals. plus, she believes she is the only one to write something truly adult when that’s very obviously not true. 

she feels like she always has to be constantly right and be first, no matter who she’s up against, either. it’s something that i have to work on myself.

but someone who’s a monstrous narcissist like her doesn’t think too broadly, though: for example, a christmas carol has been in the public domain since the 1940s, world war 2—nearly a century at this point—and yet she had to write a disclaimer for it on her fic “on a wicked night”, probably just to spite me (joke was on her, though: i was working on amped and wired and the first two books of fever then, so it didn’t even cross my radar and there was no point to it, anyway). if you don’t believe me, here:

there’s also her claims of “sketchiness of wattpad” like here

but if you go to her wattpad right now, her fics have reads in the thousands. yeah, reeeeeeal sketchy, a place that has been so kind to you but you wouldn’t know this because it does look legit, doesn’t it? but that place has been very kind to her, so it comes off as bit of a backhanded compliment—and knowing how she cherry-picks my words and buries the rest, and the fact she reuploaded her anthrax fics save for stay, the silence, and i think only onto ao3 whereas they’re all untouched over there, it’s easy to see this.

all of it is just too damning.

i’ve always wanted everyone to at least know that i didn’t ask for any of this.

not only is it really fucking weird and borderline unsettling for someone her age to be behaving like this (i’ve met toddlers who are more mature than her), but the way she exhibits her anger, her “inner dave mustaine” as she calls it (good job doing this to dave, by the way—i know he doesn’t give a shit but he doesn’t need this attached to his name regardless, especially with ellefson trying to win back the crowd and whatnot), makes it sound like if you even so much as step out of line in her eyes she’ll burst out of the screen and fucking attack you.

her whole entire attitude reeks of “hannah asked for this treatment” when i’m just someone who’s finding her voice. you want to know something? that’s classic abuser behavior, pinning the blame on the victim rather than genuinely owning up to the fact that you’re envious of me and you think you can completely bury this shit and get away with it. 

she’s not only breached terms of service on tumblr by leaving those rude messages in my inbox and some day i’ll have the stomach to share them with you guys (tumblr meanwhile allows opinions, hot takes, rants, whatever, no matter how controversial, because unless you weaponize them like what she does, they’re really not hurting anyone), and is going against everything about the freedom of speech, but she’s broken at least two creeds that i know of: first rule of paganism is quite literally “be yourself and do whatever you want as long as you’re not hurting anyone”. first rule of martial arts is do not fight unless you’re provoked.

look at what she’s done to me. she’s spread lies about me, more damaging lies than the one i told to stroke her ego, and isolated me. i was actually suicidal in october 2020. i was at a point earlier this year where i was questioning my gender, sexuality, even my own existence. my anxiety came back.

she has shamed me and made me cringe at myself for my own desires and what i feel. she fucking cherry-picks my words and then uses them against me just to reinforce herself (cannot think of a better time to use those red flag emojis). she has leeched so much from me and she’s hellbent on ruining me all because i have opinions different from what she believes in and because i pointed out her problematic behavior—that’s not a provocation, is it. someone’s opinion, a joke, a rant, saying you fucked up, a pic of them giving the finger because they were having a bad day anyway, whatever, is not a provocation, either: unless i genuinely went to your inbox and chewed you out to your face like what you fucking did, i never provoked you.

the problem is that you can’t handle me, can you, daveigh. you can’t handle someone who’s different from you. you despise anyone who isn’t exactly like you.

i was annoying you on anthrax’s wacken live-stream but you were way too spineless to say anything about it so you went the mean girl route instead. at least i have the balls to speak out and say something.

if anything, i’ve been way too easy on you. not even my worst bully pulled this kind of shit. he would probably look at this and say you went too far (this is the same scumbag who threatened to r*pe me, too).

if anything, YOU are the one who provoked me for shutting me out for no reason. YOU refuse to leave me alone with my own thoughts. YOU cannot take criticism or a joke or someone trying to redeem themselves. YOU are the only one persisting this beef with me because you have far too many issues to deal with and YOU are so far gone that the only thing to help you at this point is therapy and xanax. YOU seriously fucked up and YOU continue to beat the dead horse when i’m trying to make a new foundation out of those ashes.

it is classic abuser behavior, almost textbook abuser behavior.

aside from that, i’m really sick and tired of women like her, too. women who claim to always be the victim—if my ordeal with her is anything to go by, it’s that women are as capable (if not more so) as men to do some serious damage. women who believe that real women build each other up and good vibes are the only thing allowed. yes. you’re right. the women friends i’ve made have been very kind to me and are very supportive of me. there’s no meanness, or jealousy, or territorial behavior there. they don’t pull this on me because it’s gross. but good vibes are not enough, though: they only get you so far before they gloss over humanity and realness.

and women who believe that they deserve attention, love, kudos, you name it, all because they’re women with a raunchy side™️ and they—*gasp*—had someone see right through their act and call them out on it and they call it “toxic behavior”. no. what daveigh/xxgreendruidessxx is doing is bonafide toxic behavior brimming on abuse and kind of cultish behavior, too (read up on the traits of a cult, it checks out for the most part).

fic is supposed to be a safe place, isn’t it? aside from actually writing fic, instagram has been more of a safe place for me—with all its nonsense, at least i have people over there who care about me and what happens to me.

i’ll tell you this, though: ao3 certainly took notice of it because since that chapter dropped yesterday, the hit counter slowed down to a crawl. she used to get hundreds of hits, now it’s slowed down to small handfuls. i would take the amount of kudos on there with a pinch of salt, too: this fic was going during that glitch where people’s kudos numbers were inexplicably growing and it just stuck. i can only guess that her readership is getting uncomfortable with her vitriol and/or are just bored with her because i’ve made myself clear and she’s only extending it because of the length of dead man walking, but it’s hard to say: hit counters are completely anonymous and i’m not holding my breath, either.

i didn’t want any of this shit when it happened and i thought we were done with it come new year’s day 2021. i sure as fuck don’t want it now. i’m just someone who’s trying to live life as best as she can and this simpleton, this barren, insecure-in-her-sexuality, petulant, parasitic child is trying to prevent that because she never liked me but she was too cowardly to admit it straight up.

and now here she is, (allegedly, anyway) telling me to “be scared.” lol. yeah. i’m soooo scared. i’m french and belgian: we’re warriors. i’m also portuguese: we stood up to a dictator like you and threw him out. 1% of me is from the baltics: we gotta put up with fucking russia. and i also happen to be a druid: my grandma’s family name is blackwood, “dweller of the dark forest.” you think you’re all that and a bag of chips, you couldn’t say you dislike me to my fucking face in the first place, you had to wait until i said something. you can take your edgy greenery back to kindergarten because you’re done.

[edelegs]

hubert is objectively the funniest character

evidence:

- just listen to any line of dialogue he has

- “von Vestra” is the absolute rawest surname I can think of. It sounds perfectly ominous and suitable for a character who looks Like That. but like . . . his first name is HUBERT

- Me: “Oh, maybe it’s pronounced the French way!” Edelgard: *very much not the French way* Hubert

- His entire deal is his obsessive and steadfast devotion to Edelgard. Edelgard is a character who can throw axes around like they’re nothing. Hubert, meanwhile, is made out of tissue paper and will die from a single hit.

- Threatens Byleth, a trained mercenary, in their C-support. Has to attend class the next day. 

- seriously listen to any Edelbert support

- Felix has hilariously edgy lines too but Hubert does it in a more theatrical way? Like to me Felix is Shadow the Edgehog and Hubert is Scar Lion King. or like, Felix is Simple Plan and Hubert is MCR (no shade to Felix btw, I laughed at all his lines too) 

- I forget who the op of the post was but someone said “Hubert is the Evil Advisor trope except the person he’s advising is 100% in on it”

- He killed his father. this is mentioned once and is never brought up again. nobody reacts to this

- I’m obsessed with El’s Hubert impersonation but on my second CF run I got to remember that Hubert impersonates his father and I am. OBSESSED with these dorks. 

- He acts like he’s too good for school events and then goes “Lady Edelgard I hope you save one dance for me 🥺”

- DO YOU NOT LIKE THE SCARLET PATH I HAVE PREPARED FOR YOU

- “Hey Hubert is this your NOXIOUS HANDKERCHIEF?” “Yes, that is mine. Thank you.” 

- He’s genuinely one of the more complex characters (if you look beyond the surface) and I am so so passionate about his character development but I mostly like him because every line he has sends me

- Hubert only blushes for two characters in the game: Byleth . . . and Ferdinand. 

- he likes board games

- when you feed him something he likes he’s like “i don’t particularly care for food, but i will admit weakness for this one dish” which i take to mean that hubert is so edgy he thinks he’s too cool for EATING 

- or alternatively, he is an actual vampire 

- the evil laugh

- my best friend conceptualized the Byleth/Hubert relationship as a dad trying hard to impress his angsty teenage son. she calls him Hugh and I demand that this catch on please can we make Hugh happen

- by giving him traditionally “scary” facial features he actually gets one of the most interesting and unique character designs. this means that a lot of fanfic writes him as “sexy, but in a rat way”

- WOULDN’T IT BE TERRIBLE IF THE ARCHBISHOP GOT MURDERED

- he’s afraid of heights

- that one existential horror advice box question where he’s like “I used to fear the goddess. Now I fear the living” or something

- he is a massive edgelord to everyone else but he deliberately stops laughing around Bernie bc it scares her 

- when Jeralt dies in Black Eagles Part I, Hubert gives you dry facts about the enemy’s position as his own odd way to comfort you. however, in any other route, he says “I’ve never been one for condolences” and leaves it at that 

- he is 2 years older than his classmates. that fact alone makes everything he does 100x funnier

- the Hubert Stanning Experience is just laughing at this emo man until he’s wormed his way into your heart and soul and now he’s stuck there as your weird murder son 

[f1nalboys]

GOING GHOST HUNTING

heres a self-indulgent and wonderful little thing for some of the characters i write for because im hilarious and i want to ghost hunt with these mfs (affectionate) no i cant spell no idc deal w it yall should know this by now also is this a safe place to admit that i used to have a massive crush on zac bagans or no……

mentioned: jd, ian mckinley, randy meeks, tatum riley, sidney prescott, billy loomis, stu macher, mickey altieri, derek feldman, hallie mcdaniel, erin ulmer

Randy Meeks, Ian McKinley, Jason Dean, Erin Ulmer

ok so me and tatianna made this trio up and im in love w them so bare with me while i go feral. <3 ANYWAYS so all three of the boys simultaneously believe and don't believe. they're the type to be like "that shit is SO FAKE!" but the second they hear a sound they start throwing up. Ian is super into paranormal shit and has a big bucket list on where he wants to visit eventually. JD is the one who will antagonize the spirits by making fun of them and being disrespectful but the second he feels a breeze he's sobbing and asking for forgiveness. Randy is the most vocal about not believing until he actually shows up and then he's all about being respectful and not doing anything to piss them off lmfao. He's also the most afraid and will genuinely believe he's getting possessed LMFADBGJBSB Ian will have to calm him down and JD is there with a straight face but internally he's trying to remember that quote from the exorcist heheheh basically i love them it would be so easy to scare them when they're actually somewhere but just being like 'omg i see something...' erin is CONSTANTLY scaring them SJGBSHBGH its so funny she disappears in the place and just screams bloody murder, will jump out of random hiding spots, even throw random stuff to get the guys freaked out. she is the only one who is remotely calm the entire time and has, on many occasions, had to hold one of them who fucking scooby doo jumped into her arms yes it was ian no he wont talk about it he feels safe in her arms i would like to have sex in a haunted location with them all.

Billy Loomis, Stu Macher, Mickey Altieri

ASSHOLES! they do not take it seriously in the slightest especially not Stu. he goes around and messes with stuff, jumps out to scare you, fucks with the oujia board if you're using one, shit like that. he's also not easily scared, if something happens he finds it fucking awesome, so just work on your acting bc if you start crying and saying you're seeing stuff he will go fucking bone white LMFAO. Billy is just like "this is so dumb ghosts don't exist you're an idiot are so are the fake spirits" the entire time. he will never ever admit if something creeps him out so he'll just use that energy and accuse you of being scared hehe. Mickey might be the better option out of them because he'll TRY to take it the smallest bit seriously for you. think shane madej type shit LMFAO he's talking with the ghosts and teasing them but if you're actually freaking out he'll still laugh at you but he'll lay off a bit. i would like to have sex in a haunted location with them all.

Sidney Prescott, Hallie McDaniel, Tatum Riley, Derek Feldman

best group ever ever ever <3 they all take it seriously, won't fuck around and be purposely disrespectful but also don't take it TOO seriously if that makes sense??? like they'll all lighten the mood with a few jokes and will occasionally scare the others when they can hehe. derek is the best if you're genuinely afraid of this shit, he'll be around you the entire time and try to calm your fears as much as he can. he'll even offer to take you home and leave early if you're not feeling it. hallie is the bona fide ghost hunter, has all the latest gadgets and knows all the rules she'd fucking buy night vision goggles if given the chance. she really wants to catch a ghost on camera and gets so excited at the slightest bit of activity, her energy and excitement are SUPER contagious. sid and tatum take it a little less seriously and mainly humor hallie when they tag along. tatum will be the type to come up behind you and go 'boo!' in your ear LMFAO. sid wants to play scary games like the hide and clap game but in complete darkness LMFAO. the bravest one too, will sit in complete darkness by herself and ask the ghosts questions. i would like to have sex in a haunted location with them all.

sorry guys something hacked me i think ignore the crossed out sections they mean nothing.

[unhealthyfanobsession]

If you’re still taking prompts:

“Keeping a secret from your best friend is difficult... but when that secret is that you're madly in love with her, it's downright impossible. At least that's what Cassian thought, until he was a little tipsy and sharing a sleeping bag with said best friend. (College, modern AU)”

With smut please?🧎🏾‍♀️🙏🏽👀🥺

Oh hey bestie! So I think maybe you had like after a college party in mind for this but I went a… different way. Also it’s only smut-adjacent because I think good smut requires a Drabble of its own I think I’m sorry. Hope you enjoy!!!

Camping.

Nesta had two weeks between the end of her internship and the beginning of her last year of college, and somehow, she let herself get dragged along on her sister’s annual camping trip.

Their whole friend group was weird and twisted around like Ivy vines with who was closest to who, who was related to who, who was dating who, who had slept with who’s father (looking at you MOR!), and Nesta tended to avoid the big group things.

But this was only Feyre, Rhys, Azriel, and the real reason she was there… Cassian. Fucking Cassian dragging her off into the woods.

Nesta loved her sisters. She did. She wouldn’t spend time with them and pretend she didn’t hate their boyfriends if she didn’t love them. (Pretending not to hate Rhys and Lucien, for Nesta, pretty much required the energy of a full time job.)

She loved her sisters. But she was there for Cassian. Because she liked Cassian. Genuinely and entirely liked him. Nesta Archeron liked another human being. They’d been best friends since eighth grade when he tried to ask her out on the swing set and she elbowed him in the jaw.

Saying yes to that middle school date would’ve been the worst mistake of her life. Because then she’d have had this short drama filled relationship with Cassian and she wouldn’t have gotten to keep him. And she really loved that she got to keep him. Even if sometimes she wished he’d been her first kiss instead of Tomas.

Anyway, when he said he was going on this camping trip Nesta realized she had to go too. Because there was no way she was spending her free time somewhere that he wasn’t. He was her person. The person she wanted to spend her free time with.

“Pathetic,” Cassian grinned, plucking the pack right off of her back as if it weighed no more than a purse. As if she hadn’t been struggling under its weight for the past 4 kilometres.

“I agreed to camping. I didn’t realize a 7 hour hike was involved to get to the damn place.”

“Two hours at most, sweetheart.” Nesta scowled, pretending, as she always did, to hate his little endearments. “And all of the best spots require a hike. Otherwise they’re overcrowded.”

“Maybe overcrowded is a good thing. Maybe overcrowded means loud and safe instead of offering ourselves up to be a bear buffet.”

“I’ll protect you from any bears, I promise, Nes.”

Nesta glared. “You’re going to fight off a bear if it tries to eat me?”

“Of course I am,” Cassian nodded. “These muscles aren’t just for show.”

Nesta laughed. “How sad I’m going to lose my best friend on this trip. Don’t worry I’ll come up with something nice for the tombstone. “Here lies Cassian. Tried to fight a bear so his muscles would have a purpose.”

“I take it back, you can get eaten by the bear.”

“I’m going to shove you in front of the bear.”

Their water break had landed then both a few hundred feet behind Feyre, Rhys, and Azriel, so Cassian kept hold of her backpack as they moved, teasing her that he was still faster with two packs than she was with none.

When they arrived at the little clearing Nesta had to admit it was beautiful. Serene. A big patch of grass surrounded by trees with a stunning view over the mountains from a clearing just a few feet away.

“Worth the hike?” Cassian asked as he set up their tent. That was the deal. If Nesta was going to camp then he had to do all of the work. Because she didn’t know how to do it. Also he had to share his tent with her because seriously? Why would she own a tent? She wasn’t a damn mountain man.

“It is really pretty.”

“I told you you’d like camping, Nesta!” Feyre called out from over fifty feet away where Azriel, Cassian, and Nesta all banded together to force her and Rhys to put their tent. Far away from the other two. Nesta was so not sleeping on the ground AND listening to her little sister have sex all night.

“Cassian?” Consciousness pulled lightly through Cassian’s sleepy mind. “Cass? CASS!” He shot bolt upright, body instinctively turning to Nesta, looking her over, checking her for injuries or any other thing that might have her yelling his name into the pitch black tent.

“Oh good, you’re awake.”

Cassian laughed. It was probably 3am and she’d just woken him up, and still he was laughing. Man he had it bad.

“What’s up, buttercup?” He made a show of flipping around to face her even though he couldn’t really see her.

“I’m freezing.”

As his eyes adjusted, Cassian looked her over with a frown. She was bundled up in her sleeping bag, wearing his sweater… which he hadn’t given her, but he had discarded in between them before he went to sleep so that was fair game he guessed. It was far from the first time in over a decade of friendship that she’d stolen his sweater, but man… it still did something to him.

“Your sleeping bag isn’t made for below freezing temperatures, is it?”

Nesta stared at him. Blinked. “No. Why would it have to be? It’s August!”

“It’s colder up in the mountains,” Cassian explained. “Especially over night.”

“Great. I’ve been brought into the mountains to freeze to death and now Eris is going to win the gold medal for our year.”

Cassian laughed, “Well I can’t allow that. The horror.” This was probably a bad idea. No it was definitely a bad idea, but the words couldn’t be stopped from leaving his mouth once they popped into his mind. “Come share mine.”

Cassian half unzipped his sleeping bag and made a show of shuffling himself over.

“You’re too big.” She said.

“Thanks I work out,” Nesta glared at his cocky smirk. “Come on Nes, it’s this or letting Eris win the gold medal.”

Nesta huffed, but unzipped her sleeping bag and crawled over to his, her legs were cool as they tangled with his in the tight sleeping bag. Cassian pulled her in, one arm wrapping instinctively around her shoulders to pull her against his chest, before he zipped the sleeping bag up again after her.

This had been such a bad idea. But what could he do? Let her freeze?

Cassian told Nesta everything, so it was already difficult enough to be keeping a secret from his best friend... but when that secret was that he had been madly in love with her since middle school, the situation became impossible. And pulling her perfect body tight up against his and wrapping her in his arms, hands moving up and down her shoulders quickly to try and warm her up, was not helping the situation.

“Thanks,” Nesta murmured sleepily. “I’m already a lot more comfortable.”

Me too, Cassian thought but would never say.

“Hey Cass?” Nesta’s voice was teasing. “What do we do if you wake up with morning wood?”

Cassian chuckled into her hair, a little bit drunk on the familiar scent of rosehips and iron will.

“Then I guess we’ll finally have sex.” He deadpanned.

Nesta’s jaw dropped. Ok. Bad joke. “I’m not having sex with you for the first time in a tent Cassian!”

Now Cassian’s jaw dropped. That was her issue with his suggestion? “I… Nesta I was joking. But… the tent is the problem? The only problem?”

“Grow a pair!” Nesta batted at him with her hand, an impressive feat considering she was all but pinned between him and the sleeping bag. “I thought this was you finally making a move.”

Cassian stared down at her. It was pitch black, but even with just the shadowy outlines of her features, he could see her exact expression in his mind.

“I wouldn’t use you freezing as a ploy to make a move, Nesta.”

“And why not?” She humphed, “it’s the perfect opportunity.”

“It’s… coercive.”

“Do I look coerced to you, Cassian?” Nesta ran her foot up his bare calf and Cassian shuddered.

“I can’t have sex with you if you’re looking for a friends with benefits, Nes.” Nesta paused her movements. “I… fuck, our friendship means so much to me and I’m so afraid to fuck it up. And if we start having sex I won’t be able to handle it being just sex and you’ll start to resent me so we just… shouldn’t go there.”

Nesta’s arms wrapped around him now, struggling to span the full width of his chest. “And if it wasn’t just sex?”

“Please don’t fuck with me about this,” he whispered. Low and Ernest in a way he almost never was.

“What?”

“Dont joke about this if you’re playing around or I don’t… you have to know, Nes. You have to know how completely in love with you I am.”

“Yeah,” Nesta tucked her head under his chin. “I know. I’ve just been waiting for you to make a move.”

It was dark. Cassian could barely see her. But there, with his arms around his best friend in the world, sharing a sleeping bag to keep her warm, Cassian nudged her out of his chest and found her lips in the pitch black.

Why had he kept this secret for so long? Everything in the world was better when he was kissing his best friend.