#which in my experience is not something that can say for all child care providers

[moonastro]

groom persona chart

sun in the houses

what is a groom persona chart? this chart exhibits qualities that your husband will have and possible placements that can be seen in their chart. it is simply a chart all about your spouse in a woman's chart. the asteroid groom can be identified using the code 5129.

so the sun is perceived as ones ego and ones characteristics and personality. in the GPC it can identify traits that your fs will have along with their personality.

reminder: this is my interpretation from observations and first hand experiences, so don't take this to heart.

sun in the 1st house: spouse is expressive and bold. can be seen as innocent at times and can catch eyes of other people. are fiery in a sense when they get mad or angry, in fact can get easily mad and are known to be scary when mad or angry. usually the fs wants to be recognised and seen as who they are and not who someone's opinions of them are, being authentic is very important to them. they take great care of their appearance and are aware of it so usually they can be seen as well put together and often very attractive. usually the fs also owns fancy cars and may be known for their 'cool' car whether if its the newest or a vintage, they just have a very fond appreciation for vehicles especially cars. native can meet fs where their is action going on and can feel as if everything went down in a blur.

spouse can have natal sun in aries, 1st house, fire sign, fire house, fire degree.

sun in the 2nd house: the fs values their space and comfort. fs can sing very well and can most likely sing throughout the day. can have a special bond with their possessions for example may keep books from like 10 years ago and take them to any new home they move into. can have a difficult time of letting things go if they hold a special place in their heart. on the other hand are laid back, enjoys little things in life, have interest in the arts, have a unique voice perhaps its soothing or raspy. can be difficult to persuade them to do something they really don't want to do and if you actually persuade them past their limits they can break down and make the whole situation worse that it actually is. also whenever someone makes them question as to why they are doing what they chose to do because when they do they will have a different opinion about people after making them hesitate to do something they want to do. native can meet spouse through stable environments and somewhere where money is involved which can be a holiday, town, restaurant etc.

spouse can have natal sun in taurus, 2nd house, earth sign, earth house, earth degree.

sun in the 3rd house: fs is expressive and quite blunt. says what they mean and can sometime come off as being rude. can use their words as a tactic in arguments so best believe can hurt you during an argument. however are a master when it comes to persuading people so they have this charm that people can't seem to fathom. they love to engage and respond to someone conversations and you best believe that they are someone who interrupts someone ELSES conversations to slip in their opinion or correct them. love things that stimulate the fs mind so they are actually very curious in nature and want to find out why things work the way they do. the fs most likely has a sibling or you may get introduced to your fs by their sibling or your own sibling, usually in the neighbourhood as well.

spouse can have natal sun in gemini, 3rd house, air sign, air house, air degree.

sun in the 4th house: spouse is traditional and exhibits a very bold and dominant place in the home. more than likely the spouse provides an important role within the family and home, the spouse is very reliant within the family and keeps the house stable. usually the spouse is very masculine and are very traditional with their role within the household for example, may be the breadwinner of the household. may be a softie to their children though, act differently around their children than they do with others outside their home. this can also be an indication of meeting your spouse by relations from your mother or feminine figure in your life. so your mother can introduce you and your spouse as they might have known them first. also most likely that your spouse is from your natal homeland.

spouse can have their natal sun in cancer, 4th house, water sign, water house, water degree.

sun in the 5th house: the fs smiles a lot. idk what it is but you see them having the most brightest face in the world, the sun is in its own sign so you will get the double effects of leo. he may act like a child himself sometimes, usually linking situations or occurrences to his childhood like for example like if they saw a teddy in a claw machine they can go on about how they had a similar one when they were like 3. love kids stuff such as eating from kids menu, kids toys, kids activities, kids books and so on. are really fun to be around though, definitely is the one to lift everyone's mood up and they will just keep at it and just smile like throughout the whole time you are with them because they just have the energy for it. can meet fs at a fun event where there is loud music, fun activities and chaos going on.

spouse can have natal sun in leo, 5th house, fire sign, fire house, fire degree.

sun in the 6th house: fs is in their practical mindset a lot. thinking of the worst possible outcomes in life in terms of their routine, health and so forth. may have a strong erg to perform duties for people and are actually very supportive and helpful. fs may be discipline in his routine and sometimes can come off as strict to others as they can easily force their views onto others. fs is quite strategic and are very clean and focused. may have a very important skin care routine or like double cleanse and stuff like that, probably are good at keeping their home tidy as well so are good at laundry, washing dishes, ironing, grocery shopping and so on. they are not really wary of the traditional roles in the home and just do what needs to be done. likely to meet spouse in a practical and routine based environment, most likely will be unexpected.

spouse can have natal sun in virgo, 6th house, earth sign, earth house, earth degree.

sun in the 7th house: spouse is an expert and values making and developing strong bonds with people. they hate conflict so they allow themselves to be in good terms with everyone. fs has lovely style and may smell amazing/ could be into perfumes, body butters, soaps and so forth. can judge people a lot though like oh look at them and what they're wearing and such. they don't like lying so they are very truthful to what they say and what they mean. possibly has great skin. fs is charming without trying, thats just the way they act fr, like thats just who they are. are most likely on everyone's side though and hate being on a side and prefer to be the mediator. have a soothing aura and can be liked by immediate family members rather quickly, their charm is something else I'm telling you now. can meet fs during being in a relationship already or being introduced by other people.

spouse can have natal sun in libra, 7th house, air sign, air house, air degree.

sun in the 8th house: fs is quite secretive, for example extended family members may not even know much about the fs even when married. fs is quite mysterious and if you want to know about them you would have to make the approach first. can look shy or unapproachable at first. spouse can get jealous easily and can perceive situations to be worse than they are. spouse can be attracted to occult themes and may practise tarot, astrology and so forth. fs knows their worth and knows they're a bad b*. are a powerful human being in what they do, have a lot of power whether its from someone else's money or their own, their sexuality or their spirituality. people want to know their life or wants going on int heir life, fs most likely will seem interesting on the outside. native can meet fs during a time of transformation and usually at a time where spiritual signs are all around them.

spouse can have natal sun in scorpio, 8th house, water sign, water house, water degree.

sun in the 9th house: spouse most likely has a degree of a higher education of some sort. fs is broad minded, have an adventurous spirit and are eager to learn from their mistakes and don't mind when someone corrects them if they say or do something wrong because they would rather do something correctly. are very adaptable to any situation so you'll see them do one thing and switch it up the next day or something. fs is particularly fond of other cultures and can be inspired from other countries whether its their food, language, tradition, celebrations they study all of it. fs can most likely speak more than 1 language. you may meet your fs abroad, at a different country, at university.

spouse can have natal sun in sagittarius, 9th house, fire sign, fire house, fire degree.

sun in the 10th house: fs is most likely quite serious and stern. are focused with their career and visions in life. are most likely the career oriented individual and most likely the spouse may be in a higher ranking position with their career than the individual with the placement. the fs may be well known by the public since the sun does rule fame and the public eye and placed in the 10th house of the public it makes sense. fs may posses mature characteristics that can acquire them to be in a more higher rank than others which can lead the spouse having lots of respect from other people. spouse may also have fame within their workplace, may be well known from their hard work can be also because they are better at one particular job and get praised and acknowledged for it. fs can be open to the idea of talking about death and the after world ( I'm not sure why but they have no fear of death). however this placement values their traditions and keeps their truth, are very fair with their actions. natives can meet their spouse in a workplace or during work, usually at their work.

spouse can have natal sun in capricorn, 10th house, earth sign, earth house, earth degree.

sun in the 11th house: fs can be irregular at times, can be a totally different person at home than they are out in public. fs is good with technical appliances and often are the handyman of the house when it comes to technology. can also own or cant live without their devices (something i picked up on). the fs may be know by many people as 11th house rules groups of people and its most likely on the internet, they can run vlogs, have a blog, post images, make videos and so on. their routine can consist of having their presence on the internet. fs is mature in their views. the native and fs may have started out as friends or may have been talking online before becoming official, could meet online.

spouse can have natal sun in aquarius, 11th house, air sign, air house, air degree.

sun in the 12th house: spouse is most likely from overseas. in terms of personality are emotionally attentive, intuitive, these individuals also often times listen to their spouse more. are soft spoken. they usually are on the move as perse you will hardly see them be in one place. the fs can have a different view in life and can often be left confused due to the lack of attentiveness to the world around them. the fs most likely can have family living overseas so they can have family living in different places in the world. fs can be distant with their spouses family so this placements family may not know that much about the fs.

spouse can have natal sun in pisces, 12th house, water sign, water house, water degree.

thanks so much for reading kind souls <<33

[fatuismooches]

Your fluff writing is soo good! Thank you so much for making this blog.

Can I request headcanons for Dotorre, Pantalone, and Capitano with a reader who's not used to the cold? I just moved from my extremely warm country to a really cold place, and am sniffling, shivering, and miserable 🥲🥲 If only there's someone to cover me in a boyfriend jacket and hold hands with something to keep me warm 😔😔

Dottore once went through the same thing, moving from Sumeru to Snezhnaya definitely affected him in the beginning. His younger self grumbled throughout his experiments as he was bogged down with the heavy winter coat (that Pierro so generously provided) while the native Snezhnayans felt pity for him, but dared not to look at him with that feeling. It was really a hindrance in the beginning, not even gloves could keep his fingers from stiffening. A big disappointment since he needed steady hands. However, a couple of centuries and body modifications later, make it so the cold is nothing special to him or his segments. It really doesn’t affect them much anymore.

So for once, Dottore can actually understand what you’re feeling. And even more surprisingly he can handle the situation in a relatively normal way! You look kind of ridiculous with the amount of layers he's made you wear, but he insists that this method will work. You'll build up resistance eventually! But you're probably not satisfied with this turn of events (you wanted cuddles, didn't you?) so just head on over to his segments. As long as they're not busy, feel free to take their artificially heated-up hands and move them around your body. It will feel very nice. Lucky you, who needs expensive heaters when you have the segments! But honestly, no matter how cold you are, don't give too much attention to them and neglect the original Dottore! Would he turn off the lab's heating and assign tasks to the segments to make you crawl back to him begging for warmth? Well, that's up to you.

Pantalone will not hear of your shivering and sniffling, no, not on his watch. What did you expect, that he'd let his beloved suffer like this when he has all the remedies at his fingertips? There's not much to say really. Thick, cozy blankets. A delicious hot beverage of your choice and hearty soup by the fireplace. Only the finest heaters in Teyvat. Warm, comfortable clothing. A seat on his lap if you prefer rather than the bed. The amount of things he does for you may have you feeling a little too hot, not just from the number of heat sources but his willingness to do all these things for you. (But please don't overheat.) He won't stop until your hands stop being two blocks of ice. And yes, you can steal his coat if you so desire. He has a lot more, don't worry about it. Hell, steal two or three if you like... one to wear, one to place over you, and one to... hold? Doesn't matter, Pantalone encourages it. And although he doesn't like seeing you cold, of course, he thinks you're just far too cute when you give him the puppy eyes for much-needed warmth and attention.

A part of it also stems from how many days and nights he spent cold and alone as a child, with nothing and no one to keep him warm. Often becoming sick from the conditions. So he knows exactly how it feels to be trembling and miserable. Which is why he will never let you suffer similarly, Pantalone cares for you far too much for you to ever endure anything related to that. He will make sure to keep your hands warm, as long as you keep his heart warm too.

Capitano feels quite glum, even though you can't exactly see that from his expression, you manage to read his general body language quite well, not to mention the stare you get when you sniffle for even a second. He himself doesn't feel the cold much either, being the very strong man he is. But Capitano wants to help you, he really does - he has led troops through all kinds of weather, including the biting cold - so he is aware of methods used to retain as much warmth as possible. So yes, he will make sure your closet has much warm clothing, although he has to awkwardly clear his throat when asking for your sizes. He will get confused as to why you steal his massively oversized clothing instead. He will make sure that soup is nutritious enough to keep your strength up (even though you're not a soldier...) Of course, the bed will be your cozy warm haven, the blankets are very nice and big considering how tall Capitano is.

Considering how Capitano isn't all that versed in things like this or taking care of people, you would thank him for all he's done for you. Except that he's forgotten one thing, you'd tease. Externally he looks the same as always. Internally he wonders if he's messed up and if he's upset you. Was he wrong to apply the logic of being a captain to his relationship with you? No, it's merely the fact that he has yet to cuddle you. Oh. That's all? But wouldn't all these blankets and sheets be better at warming you, your husband questions? Nope, you'd shush him before making yourself right at home and his lap. You are very strange, Capitano thinks.

Also just imagine them with their Harbinger coats, and you're inside of it! Stealing the warmth! Your head popping out as they give you kisses! <3

[gojoshooter]

Sukuna bringin in a Hindu bride 💳💥💳💥 DO YOU SEE THE VISION???

wait wait wait I SEEE hold awn i got you

Ryomen Sukuna and his Hindu!Bride

a/n: beyond my idea of loving this dynamic, i think this would fit so perfectly. plus that's his damn aesthetic iyk?!

It's the moment you, his pretty pretty Hindu!Bride walks down the petal aisle, Ryomen Sukuna sees the goddess of his very own eudaimonia in your ethereal beauty of jewel covered figure. Holding a garland as if reins to his power.

Hindu!Bride who addresses him as “Swami” which means 'master of self' (master, in general) —he's enthralled. Way to fuel your husband I guess.

Husband!Sukuna learns the word “Ardhangini” is how a husband calls his wife, connoting 'the better half' of him.

“Indeed you are” Sukuna coos internally, looking at his beautiful wife who touches his feet gently as a sign of respect and humility, to seek his blessings.

His grinch little heart would flutter at the sight of his woman blushing about the smallest of his acts, or whenever he complies to your request, big tender fingers putting vermillion on her parted hairline—the very sign of her wifehood.

-

Husband!Sukuna never liked a cooked meal; he used to eat the raw flesh each day, until enters his new wife in the godforsaken scullery. It's a first that a queen enters the kitchen to serve, first time he tasted something entirely different to his taste... saporous, still ended up liking it. There are a lot of firsts he experiences with you by his side.

“Not... bad” he grumbles, his lips betraying and twitching into a slight grin. Delicious... he thinks, because Sukuna can get used to this flavour rich meal already. Just how perfect can his little Miss perfect get?

-

Husband!Sukuna who allows you to put pretty earings on him, he'd spend a little more time looking at himself in the mirror. Maybe he loves your compliments too much.

But nothing parallels his Hindu!Bride clad in golden jewelleries head to toe. Your long hair and the forehead, honey toned face, the arms and wrists, your plump waist and even your lotus like feet... that all makes him a poet whose favourite genre is your jewelled guise.

Maybe that's why he calls you a treasure. His treasure. There's a sort of pride filling his chest when he walks with you with the way you dress; you need high maintenance and lot of care that no man but he can provide.

-

And their goes a saying that a woman acts like a mom to the one in love with—that's so true with you and your Husband!Sukuna cause you literally baby him whenever the chance. Feeding him the first bite with your henna decorated pretty palm, he loves that so much. Likes the smell it adds to whatever you make him eat.

But can you blame yourself? He is a baby. A sulky big baby at that. Sulking when he finds his other side of the bed empty, sulking when you leave his chambers without permission, sulking cause you were too busy to give him kisses or just purely to get your attention.

He makes sure you see him sulk.

-

It's just you who can walk in on him when he's throwing and thrashing things around in rage—unaffected. Everyone in this palace knows that's a privilege only you get, because you're his only one.

No one dares hold his face and look him in the eyes like his Hindu!Bride. No one dares order him to “calm the fuck down” like his queen. Literally none in the three worlds would cradle the big soft-haired head of the King of Curses in their lap to tell him he's a grumpy little child.

That's how it has always been between you two, completing and fitting each other's pieces like Yin & Yang. You couldn't be happier anywhere out of this trance of love you're in for him and he couldn't even imagine to successfully manage a day without his treasure. There couldn't have been a better pair, never could have he met a woman to match his devotion for her.

PART 2 !

TAGS: @anubisisthebomb @dianagracesworld @stellagrangerreads12 @momochina-sama @xxkay15xx @whodoesthatanymore @heresan @nanamikentoseyebags @4sat0ruu

been thinking abt @xxnghtclls 's fic Permission & this ♡

[mysticsiddhi]

♰ the fluidity of existence. . .

I touched on this topic with my sister tonight, somewhat unplanned, but I felt I was at a level of understanding to properly explain it. I hope this helps those who feel attached to their current circumstances, to start that process of unravelling. I'll also provide a 'transcript' of our conversation for a more real-time pov of what I'm saying here.

✶ ONE

We often feel attached to our current lives because we've invested so much time, energy, and emotion into it and our relationships within it. This can make it difficult to let go, even when we know there's something beyond this experience, that's gentler or more aligned with our true selves.

We think we're abandoning something, when that's not true at all. It's also why you may continuously return to this experience after shifting. We are attached to goals, relationships, memories here, etc. and we think reality is rigid.

The key is actually in recognizing that reality is fluid and ever-transforming.

When we shift or manifest new realities, we grow. When you become an adult, did you abandon the child? We are like living alchemy, constantly transforming. In a rigid world-view, it's easy to think that the challenges and struggles define our lives/us.

So when we cling to problems/unwanted experiences, we cling to an idea of ourselves that no longer serves us.

Just as you grow physically and mentally, your experiences and realities grow with you. As your circumstances change, your core essence remains the same. It’s not about losing yourself, but about embracing the continuous unfolding of who you are.

Realities are less rigid, more, fluid, moments in time.

Like a continuous line. Each moment is a different point on that line, with each reality being just another moment of experience. Whether it’s this current reality or another one, both exist in the flow of your experience. The other reality could be one where you feel more peace, surrounded by love, and free from restrictions. This isn’t an alternate universe far away—it’s just a new moment of your experience.

✶ TWO

It’s easy to worry that shifting means leaving behind the people we care about. But this is something I call self-ish thinking; rigid, individualistic, egoic reality. It doesn't allow for self-less thinking, which understands that there are two sides to experience. The shared and the individual.

Even in this current moment, each person’s reality is inherently separate including yours and mine. What we perceive as shared realities with our families and others are, in fact, just Awareness choosing to interact with itself through our connected activities/moments.

In truth, we’re all part of one shared awareness.

You and your loved ones are always connected, whether you share a particular experience or not. Just as you don’t feel "separated" from your past selves, you won’t be disconnected from others just because you move into a new reality. You’re simply expressing a different aspect of that awareness, like how a TV can change channels but remains the same device.

I referenced the song "Everything Stays," from Adventure Time, in the original conversation. It's perfect here. When "you" shift, you will be gone, yes. But the "you that is a person" in this reality is still in this broader experience.

Another version of you will continue to experience this version of yourself. They just become parallel to "you"; tldr hypothetical/non-existent as [your] awareness is no longer focused on that version. Maybe that version of you may grow in different ways, complete a series of microshifts (manifestation) of their own, that are shared with the people appearing in their experience.

This is where the idea of a 'clone' came from back in the day, though the correct term is just 'version.' I made sure to put this into a microlens perspective for my sister as well.

ex. I am a 'clone' (version) of "siddhi" who lost her pets a few years ago. "siddhi" from a few years ago is right where she is, and several versions of her have stemmed from that point, it's only that 'I' am aware of this experience. That version of "siddhi" is aware of her own experience.

In the end we are all/one thing (awareness.) Appearing as many different things (past, present, future, different people etc.)

✶ THREE

Fear of letting go stems from the idea that we are as separate as we seem. But if we understand that everything we experience is just a projection of awareness, we see that there is nothing real to abandon.

You are everywhere and nowhere at the same time. When you shift, you’re not disappearing—you’re simply redirecting your awareness to a different version of the experience. Detachment becomes easier when you realize that nothing is truly "left behind."

It's the same with manifestation. It's about recognizing that the micromoment, within the macroexperience (I'm using labels to make it easier to grasp) is not permanent. You only think you should/are holding on to something.

Letting go of the need to "hold on" is one large part of the key to allowing manifestations, and shifts to come into your experience effortlessly.

✶ TRANSCRIPT

Her: I think I just have difficulty letting go. I mean, this life was hard. If I’m going to leave it entirely after working so hard, I’m not really sure why I’m here to begin with?

Me: Well, you 'leave it' every second, though you leave nothing behind. You transform. You are living alchemy. I think, like me, you think the problems define the life, so you don’t wish to let the problems go as a means of preserving the life? And life could also be what you think is "you," yeah?

Her: I know I’m not the self, but in a way I am? Everything is me in the end—3D, 4D, everything. I don’t understand how I could abandon it, even if it isn’t my true self.

Me: Well, why do you think you are abandoning anything? Ask yourself these things, inquire.

Her: But aren’t we abandoning it? In favor of going home?

Me: Do you think in growing up, you’ve abandoned your childhood self?

Her: Well… no.

Me: Then do you think the appearance changes and grows, but at its core, it’s still you?

Her: Yes.

Me: So, why do you think you’re abandoning yourself?

Her: It’s a completely different life and reality. It isn’t the same, is it?

Me: The channel changes; is the TV lost? The curtains are newer, nicer—does the sun die with the old ones? Think of it like this: this reality A, reality B and reality C are all in one continuous line. In one moment you're 'here', and the next moment is reality B. They’re all just moments of that line, and that line is experience. Reality B is just a moment in which my life is gentler, less restrictive for me. I’m surrounded by friends and family who are happy and are their best selves, enjoying lives they deserve. It’s not somewhere else.

Her: But you won’t be here anymore.

Me: Well, I’m not in yesterday either, right? "Yesterday me" is in yesterday with "yesterday you." I won’t be in this moment anymore, that’s true, but that doesn’t mean I’m gone away from you. Are you afraid I won’t be here with you anymore?

Her: Mhm. I know it’s really childish, but I’ll miss you. I don’t want you to be gone until I come home, in case I never end up going. I really miss you. I don’t know…

Me: Hmm, that’s something, but it’s more complicated than that. There’s a concept of separate, individualistic realities, and there’s a concept of shared realities. You think "Siddhi," the person, won’t be here talking to you if you choose to remain in this moment. In fact, our realities have always been separate, and it’s the activities within that seemingly connect them. "Siddhi" will be here, but she would not be "me." She might not have a goal of shifting anywhere. Depending on my/Awareness' will, she would be a parallel me, going about the experiences that occur in this moment called "reality A". Or she would’ve completed a series of microshifts that are still shared with you, like a ‘clone’ (hate that term). Putting that in a micro-lens: I am a ‘clone’ of "Siddhi" who lost her dogs.

Her: So, you’ll never really leave? It’s still you, just different?

Me: You know that Adventure Time song, "Everything Stays"? I won’t be here; in fact "I" am a version of "Siddhi" from this morning. But a version of me will be here, just like a version of you is in "reality B" with me. I think this gets people super hung up on detaching and stuff. At the same time, this goes deeper. We are not real; this interaction isn’t actually happening. "We" are awareness’ decision of this interaction occurring. Awareness wants "Siddhi" to speak to "Sister." Do you see it?

Her: So, there isn’t really anything to hold onto? Or be afraid of?

Me: Of course not. Don’t hold on to me—I’m everywhere and nowhere. I just understood this today anyway. For those who permashift, it’s not like they suddenly disappeared; they literally just make the conscious decision to no longer share an experience with another. Awareness decides no more—the story is done. This has been done in a myriad of ways, from as simple as just deleting their social media to as complicated as bodily expiration (a result of mahasamadhi is a documented example), even the whole fiasco of "shifters shifting to this reality and their old reality being so much worse, for clout" is a possibility when done legitimately. Similarly, this works with manifestation. The moment you are experiencing right now, in which you have or do not have, is not even occurring. You don’t have to hold on to it—it’s everywhere and nowhere too.

Her: Thank you. This is really, really helpful. I feel a lot better about this now.

Me: I think you’ve gone from self-ish thinking to self-less thinking tonight, yes? I know some people unknowingly keep their families suffering because shifting feels like abandonment. This is egoic. Shifting is literally just awareness deciding: a new lens on the same nothing. Because when "I’m" Siddhi B, Siddhi A does not exist. But hmm, if "I" ever want to be Siddhi A again, let’s make her a millionaire. Think Sims 4. Different save files for the same sim in the same game.

✦ siddhi

[behindthesoul]

Your MK men as parents headcanons are very interesting. Would you write other MK men as parents? Especially I want to read Rain and Havik!

MK Men as Parents pt2

Masterlist || Part One

Characters: Rain, Havik, Quan Chi, Kenshi

Note: Combined a couple of requests into one. Also, sorry this one took forever to come out!

Rain

Probably one of the more normal parents.

He’s a lot more chill compared to himself in other timelines. I can see him being a proud parent to one or two children. Maybe twins?

Teaches his kids to be a better mage than he is. He tries to make his lessons as fun as he possibly can.

Though, he can become frustrated if they aren't taking their teachings seriously. If something were to happen, they need to learn how to defend themselves.

In some MK1 intros you can tell Mileena (understandably) has a lot of distaste for Rain. So much that she wants his mother banished.

I can imagine his children are involved in this banishment which irritates him. His family, especially his innocent children, do not deserve to be punished for his actions.

The main driving force behind Rain’s mission to atone for his actions is his children. He wants to show that if you make a mistake, you should try to make things right. He also wants to be a man his children can be proud of.

Havik

A pretty hands off parent.

I can’t imagine him ever having a complete grasp on this parenting thing.

Just has one kid and refuses to have more.

His kid just kind of does whatever and Havik doesn’t care. Just as long as they don’t make a mess he has to clean up.

Has the “world’s your oyster” mentality.

This behavior is boosted to 100% after his burns. He embraces the chaos, and what’s more chaotic than having a kid?

Havik and his kid are public menaces, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

He’s less of a parent and more of a cool older friend.

Don’t come to him for emotional support or other things like that. Having to actually parent his kid makes him feel tied down.

If his kid wants too much from him he’ll somewhat drift away.

You’ll have to hope their other parent is in the picture.

Quan Chi

Totally the parent who somehow knows their kid’s every move.

He knows when their kid has done something they shouldn’t so there’s never any use in lying to him. He just has this look on his face and his kid knows they’re in trouble.

Excuse my only child self for HCing every character as being a single parent but Quan Chi definitely only has enough energy for one kid.

He feels guilty for bringing a child into the world when he can barely take care of himself. Spending hours and hours in the mines, Quan Chi is exhausted by the time he sees his kid.

All his child knows is a dad who always looks tired and dejected.

That is, until he gets an opportunity to live a better life. A place to sleep, clothes that aren’t tattered, and fresh food - all necessities that his child now gets to experience.

Whenever his child asks how he was able to provide their new life, he just smiles and gives a cryptic answer.

Kenshi

His child was kept hidden. Kenshi thought it best to keep his child away from the whole Earthrealm-Outworld war.

None of his allies knew he was a father til the day they were all thrown in jail with Baraka. Thinking it was his last day on earth, he let the secret spill. Kenshi told everyone all about his child.

He mourned the fact he’d probably never see his child again. Of course, he did; after he helped defeat Titan Shang Tsung.

Kenshi was very nervous to meet his child again. What if they don’t react well to his blindness? Johnny pulls him out of his negative thinking. If your kid is as kind as they say you are, then why would they have a bad reaction?

It eases him a bit, but he’s still a little nervous. He feels like a fool for having those thoughts when his child runs to him, screaming his name. The last few weeks of fighting for Earthrealm was all worth it for them.

His child is a bit confused when they see the mask over his eyes.

“You can’t see me!” They say with a frown.

Sento glows, and Kenshi suddenly sees all the details of his child’s face. He smiles, assuring them.

“Yes I can.”

—

@mortal-kombat-shitposts

[aspd-culture]

Welcome back. You’re very informative.

I’m very confused about how numerous people, from you, to other antisocial people speaking from their experiences (some of which I learned are actually friends) to prosocial researchers of ASPD say that antisocial people see relationships as transactional. It’s not weird that you guys see it that way, it’s more like “and prosocials… don’t???” Because I’m certain I’m prosocial. I’m neurodivergent, sure, but no signs of ASPD. So, how do most prosocial people typically view relationships if they’re not transactional?

So I find prosocials and pwASPD both tend to think “but doesn’t everybody” when we hear this - it’s a super undescriptive term - but we’re thinking different things define something as transactional. We also see the reason for that transaction to be different.

From a prosocial generally, they’ll mean “I only want to be around people that ‘don’t drain my energy’, that don’t just take take take, that we mutually enjoy the friendship/relationship and want to be around each other”. That’s kinda their definition of getting something out of it, and they want everyone to get something out of it. If they’re draining you, they want you to be free of it so you can be happy, and the transactions involved can be purely emotional/vibes. The reason they feel this way is a desire for positive and enjoyable social connection; the consequence for an uneven/bad/missing transaction is discomfort and wasting their time in negative experiences and generally feeling bad in association with that person.

PwASPD see those transactions very very literally. There’s no vibes nor emotions in the transactions, those are either a reaction to the transaction or a bonus. We mean that we are getting something tangible or practical out of it. Rides, help with things we can’t or don’t want to do alone, sex, maybe even the social relief from the annoyance of “why don’t you ever talk to anyone?” coming from all sides. We also don’t always care if it’s even on the other person’s end. If they’re ok driving me everywhere/if they do it and don’t say or show they’re uncomfortable, then I will assume they are fine with that piece of the transaction. If I’m taking more than I’m giving and they seem chill with that then I’ll accept it. However, I won’t give them *nothing* and that’s because of our reason for transactions - it’s dangerous otherwise. First off, I have shit I need I can’t get myself as much as it sucks, so I need to be around people. But if we need something from them, what we learned in our childhoods is that we don’t get that for free. There’s always something over your head. A lot of pwASPD had friends or caregivers that would hold favors or even *basic, legally-mandated caregiving* over our heads as though we didn’t deserve it. Often our value was determined as a child by what we provided, and since children can’t provide much, we were worthless and not deserving of good treatment.

This is part of the reason (TW non-descriptive CSA mention, skip to the next paragraph if you want) that people thought ASPD was directly correlated with CSA for a long time - many cases of long term CSA come from either “I’ll give you x/do x for you if you help me with this” or worse, doing something first then saying “but I gave you X!/did X for you! I wouldn’t have if I knew you’d act like this”, often call us selfish if we tried to say no and maybe get aggressive or forceful after, and that is an easy lead-in to our view of interactions.

So a lot of us see it that if we want to be safe/know we can continue to get what we need, we HAVE to be giving them something. If you claim you like being around me “just to be around me” or worse that you’re willing to do something for me “just because I want to”, that’s not safe. You want something from me and I’ll give it to you - just tell me what it is. If you’re not telling me, that means it’s not good or you’re just gonna decide later that I’m selfish. You might hurt me to get what you want and justify it with this. Take something from my side so we’re even, because even means safe. Even means I get access to what I need and you get access to what you need - so now we’re both using this relationship/friendship/etc for something and you wouldn’t wanna mess that up by putting me in danger any more than I’d want to mess it up by putting you in danger.

Of course, not every prosocial sees it the first way and not every pwASPD had those experiences and/or sees it that way. But that’s what I’ve found to be common. If you see “they make me happy” as what your or their end of the transaction is, it’s definitely a prosocial response, maybe with the exception of thinking of it as “getting their brain to dopamine/oxytocin” vs caring how they’re actually feeling. If not, if you need it to be practical, that’s definitely transactional.

It’s important to note this is personal relationships with no practical consequences to ending the relationship - most people see relationships (platonic) with coworkers or managers as transactional and that’s a way I usually explain it to prosocials (“do you deal with your boss bc you like them or bc they sign your check - and would your boss keep you hired if you didn’t do your job because you make them happy just by being there?”). But with a romantic or sexual partner, a friend, etc. this is not a typical view of relationships.

That said - you can *absolutely* not have ASPD and have transactional view of relationships. It’s not a 1:1 thing there; not everyone with ASPD has it and not every prosocial doesn’t. It’s just a really common piece of the puzzle that is this personality disorder.

Edit: ack I’m so sorry I forgot to add the csa tw tags they’re there now.

Plain text below the cut:

So I find prosocials and pwASPD both tend to think “but doesn’t everybody” when we hear this - it’s a super undescriptive term - but we’re thinking different things define something as transactional. We also see the reason for that transaction to be different.

From a prosocial generally, they’ll mean “I only want to be around people that ‘don’t drain my energy’, that don’t just take take take, that we mutually enjoy the friendship/relationship and want to be around each other”. That’s kinda their definition of getting something out of it, and they want everyone to get something out of it. If they’re draining you, they want you to be free of it so you can be happy, and the transactions involved can be purely emotional/vibes. The reason they feel this way is a desire for positive and enjoyable social connection; the consequence for an uneven/bad/missing transaction is discomfort and wasting their time in negative experiences and generally feeling bad in association with that person.

PwASPD see those transactions very very literally. There’s no vibes nor emotions in the transactions, those are either a reaction to the transaction or a bonus. We mean that we are getting something tangible or practical out of it. Rides, help with things we can’t or don’t want to do alone, sex, maybe even the social relief from the annoyance of “why don’t you ever talk to anyone?” coming from all sides. We also don’t always care if it’s even on the other person’s end. If they’re ok driving me everywhere/if they do it and don’t say or show they’re uncomfortable, then I will assume they are fine with that piece of the transaction. If I’m taking more than I’m giving and they seem chill with that then I’ll accept it. However, I won’t give them *nothing* and that’s because of our reason for transactions - it’s dangerous otherwise. First off, I have shit I need I can’t get myself as much as it sucks, so I need to be around people. But if we need something from them, what we learned in our childhoods is that we don’t get that for free. There’s always something over your head. A lot of pwASPD had friends or caregivers that would hold favors or even *basic, legally-mandated caregiving* over our heads as though we didn’t deserve it. Often our value was determined as a child by what we provided, and since children can’t provide much, we were worthless and not deserving of good treatment.

This is part of the reason (TW non-descriptive CSA mention, skip to the next paragraph if you want) that people thought ASPD was directly correlated with CSA for a long time - many cases of long term CSA come from either “I’ll give you x/do x for you if you help me with this” or worse, doing something first then saying “but I gave you X!/did X for you! I wouldn’t have if I knew you’d act like this”, often call us selfish if we tried to say no and maybe get aggressive or forceful after, and that is an easy lead-in to our view of interactions.

So a lot of us see it that if we want to be safe/know we can continue to get what we need, we HAVE to be giving them something. If you claim you like being around me “just to be around me” or worse that you’re willing to do something for me “just because I want to”, that’s not safe. You want something from me and I’ll give it to you - just tell me what it is. If you’re not telling me, that means it’s not good or you’re just gonna decide later that I’m selfish. You might hurt me to get what you want and justify it with this. Take something from my side so we’re even, because even means safe. Even means I get access to what I need and you get access to what you need - so now we’re both using this relationship/friendship/etc for something and you wouldn’t wanna mess that up by putting me in danger any more than I’d want to mess it up by putting you in danger.

Of course, not every prosocial sees it the first way and not every pwASPD had those experiences and/or sees it that way. But that’s what I’ve found to be common. If you see “they make me happy” as what your or their end of the transaction is, it’s definitely a prosocial response, maybe with the exception of thinking of it as “getting their brain to dopamine/oxytocin” vs caring how they’re actually feeling. If not, if you need it to be practical, that’s definitely transactional.

It’s important to note this is personal relationships with no practical consequences to ending the relationship - most people see relationships (platonic) with coworkers or managers as transactional and that’s a way I usually explain it to prosocials (“do you deal with your boss bc you like them or bc they sign your check - and would your boss keep you hired if you didn’t do your job because you make them happy just by being there?”). But with a romantic or sexual partner, a friend, etc. this is not a typical view of relationships.

That said - you can *absolutely* not have ASPD and have transactional view of relationships. It’s not a 1:1 thing there; not everyone with ASPD has it and not every prosocial doesn’t. It’s just a really common piece of the puzzle that is this personality disorder.

Edit: ack I’m so sorry I forgot to add the csa tw tags they’re there now.

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

how the six family roles in an addictive household are shown in shameless, season 1

so i said i’d make this post a while ago and guess what? i lied. oops. anyways i finally did it so here you guys go!

also, i’m only doing season 1 here because season 1 is the season where the roles are the most clear. after that, some siblings share roles or change roles. in many, many ways, season 1 is much simpler, as we all know.

i most of my information from this article, and i copy and pasted some of it.

 the addict, is frank. you could also say that it’s monica, however she left the family/household years prior to the start of the show. as the consequences of addiction begin to form, the addicted family member will often portray negative behaviors to others in the family including lying, manipulating, and pointing fingers of blame; frank does all of this in season 1 constantly. he lies about where aunt ginger is, manipulates his family by assuring them that he is sober, and he puts the blame on other members of his family, such as ian or monica. half of the family views him as a nuisance, and the other half views him as beloved.

the enabler, is debbie. enabler’s don’t set boundaries and excuse a lot of the addict’s behavior. for debbie, it’s not that she doesn’t understand frank’s addiction or how shitty frank is, she does (1x08), but she chooses to pretend like things are alright. she loves her dad a lot, and she wants to pretend like everything is okay. she wants to pretend like things won’t go back to the way they are, even though she knows they will. we see her caring for her dad, waking up in the middle of the night to check on him and bring him a pillow, asking him if he’s okay, she cares. nobody else really cares that much. we see her become more of an enabler in season 2/3 especially, but again, only season 1 here.

the scapegoat, is lip. many people would like to argue that it’s carl (or debbie or ian) and maybe later on, but not here. the scapegoat of the family often gets blamed for the family’s issues, usually the scapegoat is the second oldest (!!) or middle child. in many cases, this person feels their purpose is to provide their family members with an outlet for blame. so, they can take on a parent’s and other sibling’s blame in order to protect them from feeling these emotions themselves. commonly, the scapegoat of the family will eventually be unable to manage their anger and act out in avoidance behaviors, often leaving town and not returning. so, yeah, this can be season 3/4 ian, or season 6 debbie or carl, but overall, this is lip in season 1. however, lip doesn’t often take the blame. fiona does. he and fiona share the hero and scapegoat role, and eventually share the addict role, but overall the scapegoat is lip. he acts out, purposefully gets into trouble, and is blamed. does he accept the blame? no, but he gets it. and he goes off to do his own shit often, when shit hits the fan he either fixes the problem or just leaves. lip can’t manage his anger. ever. it’s something he never learns how to do from season’s 1 through 11. he uses avoidance behaviors (such as drinking himself sick) and anger to cope with his family’s hardships.

the hero, is fiona. fiona is basically the definition of the hero, which is: the hero of the family is the one who is most controlling and often a perfectionist. by keeping up with personal goals, they feel they can provide their family with the illusion that everything will be okay. normally, the hero of the family is the first child, as they are the most likely to have a type a personality and feel as though they are a leader to their siblings. because of the position they put themselves in as a leader, they may experience extreme amounts of stress. and, become unable to manage their anxiety. that all screams fiona gallagher. she works multiple jobs, attempts to control everyone and everything in her life, and provides for her five siblings. she’s the firstborn child, and the youngest child literally refers to her as his mother on multiple occasions. she dropped out of high school for her siblings, and basically risked everything for them. they are her life.

the mascot, is carl. season 1 carl is sort of hard to characterize because he’s almost never a very serious character, hell, throughout the entire show he cries like three times. but that unseriousness kind of makes him fit into the role of the mascot. the mascot of a family is the person who may utilize humor to try to resolve tension during family arguments or drama. this may be due to the fact that they require approval from those who surround them due to their fragility. most commonly, the mascot of the family is the youngest sibling. basically, they use humor as a defence mechanism in order to not have to experience the negative emotions which may be brought about by addiction in the family. carl wasn’t the youngest sibling, but he was for about seven years, so it kind of counts. at least at this point it does. carl isn’t as aware as debbie is when it comes to the issues in the family, (1x08), and in the first (or second technically) scene, debbie tells carl he’s almost nine and needs to begin pulling his weight. he doesn’t take on the same understanding or responsibility as the rest of the siblings do, but there is a possibility that he understands and masks it by acting clueless. or, he simply is clueless. who knows. either way, if anyone’s going to be the mascot, it has to be carl.

the lost child, is ian. the lost child is a sibling who may not be as involved in family relationships as the others. this is due to the fact that they may not have shared as much family attention as the other siblings. typically, they’re the youngest or middle child. and, characteristically showcase behaviors like isolation and the inability to maintain lasting relationships as a result of addiction in the family. so, ian obviously does end up maintaining a lasting relationship, blah blah blah, but he literally doesn’t until like the last season so THAT DOESN’T MATTER. anyways. for like the entirety of ian’s adolescent years on the show (seasons 1-4), he is forgotten. he’s the stereotypical middle child, the least favorite, and forgotten. fiona never has to worry about him, monica is nowhere to be seen (but i made a post here that talks about their relationship that you should totally read), and frank hits him and simply doesn’t really give two fucks about him. ian isolates himself from the rest of his family, and rarely is actually at the house. he’s often with kash (a man in his fourties), or mickey or just doing his own thing. he becomes even more of the lost child later on (and eventually morphs into the scapegoat) but that’s irrelevant. ian’s hiding a big secret, ian is rarely home, the most attention ian probably ever gets out of frank is just getting hit or insulted. ian’s forgotten.

liam isn’t on here because he was so little in season 1. but much later on, he takes on the role of the lost child. if you want to know more about this/how the gallagher’s were based on actual people rather than just roles, read this article. i highly recommend it.

[ahsoka-in-a-hood]

Just thought I’d deposit this quote here for no particular reason

“ The heart of this humdinger question is that the word “attachment” means one thing in the context of parenting and another in the context of Buddhist teachings. The association of the word “attachment” with parenting has its origins in the phrase “attachment parenting”, a theory of child-rearing developed by pediatrician William Sears in the 1980s. In parenting, attachment is thought to provide a foundational sense of safety and security, giving a child the courage to explore and thus learn essential facts about their world. Your concern for your children’s well-being and safety comes from a healthy, natural bonding derived from empathy, care, and love – none of which are against the dharma.

In the Buddhist world, attachment is understood as a mental factor, a psychological pattern that is a mega-cause of suffering. However, the neutral sense of the English word “attachment” doesn’t convey the potency and misery of what Buddhists mean by it. Buddhist texts use the Sanskrit word trsna, an English-language cognate of which is the word “thirst”. “Thirst” accurately conveys the sense of need that characterizes this mental state. We are thirsty for sense gratification, thirsty for experiences. Other translations of this kind of attachment are “clinging”, “craving”, and “desire”. Although it doesn’t sound human to say, “Don’t be attached to your children,” it does sound right to say, “Don’t cling to them.” (We even disapprove of overly clingy parents.) 

Nonetheless, the Buddhist notion of attachment, as craving, can teach us something about parenting pitfalls. Since we can crave just about anything, it’s possible to develop a sticky clinginess to our own children. For example, we might crave their demonstrations of affection, respect, or loyalty. We can become attached to our children behaving or performing in a particular way, believing that our child should be a good soccer player, academically successful, polite to others, and so on, because we are worried about our own public image, self-worth, unresolved issues, or value as a “good” parent. This kind of attachment is primarily self-centered, serving our own needs. As many of us know from experience, staking our happiness on a child fulfilling our expectations invariably results in suffering. (Although I’m quite certain that the moment my children stop leaving dirty socks around the house, my life will be perfect.) In the final analysis of this type of clingy attachment, it’s not so much that we are directly attached to our children as we are attached to our misconception of what will bring us happiness. 

The parenting notion of attachment as bonding can also teach us something about parenting potential. In fact, the Buddha himself urges us to create the “bonds of fellowship”, as taught in the Sangaha Sutta. Through generosity, kind words, beneficial help, and consistency in the face of changing conditions, he said, parents sustain a favorable, respectful relationship with their children. In other words, parenting is dharma practice. Far from trying to detach ourselves from our children, our relationship with our children is an amazing ground on which we can practice attunement, the gift of creating safety, generosity, aid, and unconditional love. This in turn develops our capacity to feel the same bonds of fellowship for the children of others – and for others as once-children. In the end, we are called to discover the bonds of fellowship we have with all beings. “ - Sumi Loudon Kim

[heartnosekid]

well, friends. i’m sure a good lot of you have seen this post. i was denied today. i have to contact a lawyer and i don't even know how to begin advocating for myself outside of simply contacting the firm an ex-friend of mine used to obtain disability.

if you would rather not read the whole vent, i completely understand. but if you would still like to provide answers or support to me, here are my main issues.

i need advice from others who have been denied disability and have gone through a lawyer to obtain it. i need advice on what to do about getting started with victim advocacy. that's about it, i reckon. i love you all. my dm's are open. you will be blocked if you clown.

and yes, i realize my stim blog is not the place to talk about this. i understand, but this is my largest audience and i feel i would be a fool to not post this somewhere it may be actually received.

tw for mental health talk / long vent under the cut, particularly of the despairing kind, and also mentions of CSA / CSAM, psychosis, and my general disabilities. if this post needs more trigger tags, please let me know and i'll add them.

my whole life i have been treated as if i am not struggling because i can do the bare minimum to keep myself alive. i can survive, but never thrive, and even surviving now has become difficult. i can't feed myself regularly, my guardians do that for me. i can't stand for longer than a few minutes at a time without extreme duress and pain, which makes cleaning, showering, and going out super difficult and beyond draining. i can understand abstract concepts and certain ideas and am emotionally intelligent, but i struggle heavily with understanding money or how government works, particularly when it comes to laws and loopholes. i don't know when i'm "being had", as it were, and others have pointed this out to me throughout my adulthood. it feels as though this entire disability journey has been me "being had". they gave me something to cling on to, the possibility i may be able to receive real help, and it seems as though they basically knew the whole time they were going to deny me again. for the fourth time. i know that is unrealistic but, it does feel that way.

i wrote several full length books when i was a child / young teenager, and had two published. i won't share the titles because i have outgrown what i wrote and find them childish and frankly embarrassing, but everyone upon learning that i have written and had novels published, immediately jumps to the conclusion that i am some kind of self-sufficient, incredibly intelligent and capable person. i have never once been able to effectively take care of myself. without my guardians, i wouldn't be able to manage money, insurance, bills, cars, groceries, among other things. i don't even halfway understand how insurance on anything even works despite having been shown how it works.

i can see something, be "taught" to the best of someone's ability, and i will still not be able to learn. this has been a constant issue throughout my life, and the american public school system has continually helped these issues perpetuate. all schooling has done is teach me how to parrot back concepts and ideas, remember them for a limited amount of time before losing them to the void, and not how to fundamentally understand and learn them or utilize them in daily life. even higher education was like this, and i was not able to thrive throughout my experience with college despite making mostly okay grades (i cheated and lied a lot, okay. i'm not proud of it but i felt i had to get through or i would be severely punished). i had to a sign an agreement that i personally still do not fully understand to "obtain" my associate's degree, and i do not know why despite the fact it was explained to me, in detail. the information has not registered, and i now no longer have anyone that was involved in said agreement to explain it to me. everyone i say this to is like, "what? that doesn't make any sense." and i'm like. yeah. it doesn't, and i have zero ability to explain it to them in a way that makes sense.

i mention my associate's degree because i am sure in some form or fashion it was used against me in the disability process, since i was "able to complete higher education". also it should be noted i did an early college program. also probably has been used against me. also cheated through most of it.

people have always considered my kind of autism to be hyper competent, since it appeared that way when i was a child, despite showing several signs that i was struggling with a math-centric learning disability, called dyscalculia. i have since deteriorated to the point of barely having the knowledge a young adult should have, about how life works financially and honestly in general.

i have extreme fear about what may happen to me without proper assistance. my guardians will be able to take care of me for some time, but after that? that feels like a black hole to me. it doesn't exist nor will it while i am under-assisted, and this black hole fills me with utter despair. i try not to let it permeate my daily life, so as to not dwell in a future that doesn't exist yet and has the possibility for change. but god. it fills me with literal existential dread, and it is becoming so much more difficult to ignore the older i get.

a lot of factors have been used against me my entire life to deny me assistance, and these reasons being yet another factor has really dredged up a lot of shit from my past.

this is besides the point, but i also learned recently that CSAM was made and distributed of me when i was a child and wow. that has hit me in ways i cannot even describe. part of me is like, why was i not allowed to know after the fact, even when i became an adult? i was directly involved. why did no one tell me my abuser was convicted for counts of spreading CSAM, and that they lied directly to the court system about their inappropriate actions with me? i was disenfranchised in more ways than one by more than one person on allowance of my abuser, and i am just now hearing about it. i don't know how to deal and i don't know how to get started with victim advocacy in my area.

but at the same time, whilst being treated as severely more competent than i am, i have also been infantilized relentlessly, by nearly everyone around me. how does this make any sense. i feel incredibly stupid and uninformed and at the same time privy to things about my disabilities others are not, while not being able to effectively communicate it. i feel i am screaming and begging for help, nearly at my wits end with a lot of things, and all of it is reading as "owie booboo" to anyone who could do anything to help. i feel i am falling through the cracks, and i fear having to crawl back up through them. i fear i won't make the trek. i fear i will lose motivation and let myself rot. it feels like no one in a position of power has taken a true effort to really help me and i cannot help or advocate for myself. i am very scared.

on top of all of that stuff, i am withdrawing pretty heavily from cymbalta, experiencing heightened panic attacks every day, PNES (psychogenic non-epileptic seizures), more episodes of psychosis and hallucinating than i'm used to, all of my mental and physical issues are out of control, and now this disability stuff. i also won't be able to see a psychiatrist for...maybe a week or so more, so no bridge meds till then.

these last couple weeks have just really kicked me down. thank you for reading if you got this far. i appreciate you more than you know and i have no idea where i would be without y'all and this blog. i love you all so very much.

-ish

[opultea]

Genshin Character Interactions I'd Love to See

(AKA some headcanons)

Kazuha & Razor:

Seems like a random combo but hear me out:

They both have a connection to nature and especially smells

Imagine Razor meeting Kazuha for the first time

"Smell like... cool breeze,"

"Thank you, my friend, you carry the scent of rock warmed in afternoon sunlight"

Instant besties

Razor's eyes light up, and whenever he's with Kazuha he likes to point out smells even more then usual because he feels like they're bonding

Although Kazuha uses a lot of words and phrases that Razor doesn’t understand, the poet is very patient, and is always willing to teach his fellow nature affiliate something new

Razor feels like he's gained a new teacher, and observes the way Kazuha seems so connected to nature but is still very much human, which helps the wolf-boy explore that balance in himself

Kazuha admires the simplicity and honesty with which Razor carries himself, never needing more than what the world provides him

Also Kazuha always understands what Razor's trying to say or do no matter how few words he uses

Kaveh & Bennett

Bad luck babies

They find out their mutual bad luck when Kaveh off-handedly complains about his debt, and Bennett immediately goes to comfort him, saying how he’s sure it’ll get better eventually, and hey! Everyone has avalanches chase them sometimes, and the occasional lightning strike to the skull!

Kaveh sighs: “Thanks, but I don’t think any metaphor will equate to my problems,”

“What do you mean metaphors?”

…

“You were using metaphors, right? Right, Bennett?”

He was not

But I imagine that once they get talking about their luck and especially their attitudes towards it, they really find a lot of interest in each other

Kaveh would hugely admire how Bennett always bounces back, always smiling and never afraid to keep going and keep feeling despite all the terrible occurrences he goes through each day

Bennett finds such solidarity in knowing an adult who’s plagued with bad luck, who is still incredibly successful. Bennett admires how Kaveh is renowned and famed throughout Sumeru for his work, and is a kind soul in his daily life, even with the troubles he has. Even though Bennett doesn’t think he needs to be famous, it’s nice to have real proof that even if he’s unlucky, he could still lead a great life

Klee & Xiao

Xiao would obviously be a bit standoffish at first

Klee views him as another one of those weird adults that doesn’t smile or talk, but she still trusts him innately

I like to think Klee is genuinely a good judge of character, and even if she finds someone weird, she feels that it doesn’t mean they can’t be a great person

Klee once asks Xiao to hold Dodoco for her while she tries to catch a frog in some mud, since Albedo’s always telling her to be careful with things she cares a lot about

Xiao is slightly stunted by the request and the bright smile that comes with it, but nods dutifully and carefully takes the little plush in his hands

Klee runs off to play, and when she gets back she’s more than pleased to see that Xiao is holding Dodoco to his chest, cupping him carefully and keeping him upright

Some adults just don’t respect Dodoco like Xiao does (Klee has had the terrible experience of people tucking Dodoco under their arm like a book! Not a good holder; one star review)

Upon returning to reclaim her friend, Klee gives Xiao as big a hug as her tiny arms can muster, and though Xiao’s eyes widen and his shoulder stiffen, he lets the small girl embrace him

Klee appreciates the respect Xiao shows her, even though she's small and young

Xiao is careful of how his karmic debt might affect this innocent child but lets himself relax at how Klee unabashedly loves the world. It inspires him to try loving more openly

Venti & Kaveh

So what if I’ve already put Kaveh on this list this is my post I do what I want

Sadge alcoholics with ✨dramatic tendencies ✨

You know they have the best stories tho

When these two come together, every room they enter is a party or every room they enter is a crying support room filled with regrets

Either way the room is filled with wine

Their energy is contagious and they can lead crowds of people to begin partying on a random Tuesday afternoon

But when they're in their feels, they look at each other with the understanding and empathy that they each wish they could gain from others in their lives

When Venti's soft voice carries out a melancholy ballad, Kaveh is the first to start crying

When Kaveh begins drunk rambling about his life, Venti's the one to pat his back, smiling softly despite the deep and old emotion his eyes hold

They hold a mutual and quiet understanding of the simultaneous pain and wonderment that living can bring that I think would be really interesting to see play out

Jean & Kokomi

I feel like if they met initially it would be all business

Discussions on foreign trade, sharing experiences from issues that have arisen in the past

All very professional

That is until either of them slips just a tiny bit about how freaking tired they are, and the other perks up and starts trying to subtly find out more

“Hm, it is a great honour to serve the people of Watatsumi Island, although I wish I had the energy to do more in a day,”

*cue Jean realising she may have just found an overworked buddy*

“Yes, I feel the same about the Knights of Favonius, there is always more to accomplish, though Lisa is always telling me to take more time to myself, although I don’t know how I could.”

“Exactly!” *cough* “I mean, yes, I understand how worrisome that must be.”

They silently sip their tea simultaneously, carefully fixing their posture

And then suddenly begin ranting and confiding in each other about how much they always have on their plate

🎶You’re just like me, I’m just like you~

Overall very cute relationship, they start off distanced by duty, and then become besties once they realise their common ground

Imagine them each making sure the other isn’t working too hard!

And they always listen to each other even if they don’t listen to others who tell them to take breaks because they know the other understands completely just how much they have to do

[johannestevans]

Hi! I just happened to see your post from 2023 about vaginal atrophy and it's such a eye-opener! I've been struggling with it for a while now (as an asexual afab with a male partner... Let's say that feeling uncomfortable and too tight during intercourse is my normal) and I suspect it must have to do something with my contraception ring, but all I got from my gyn was to use lube and that I'm only too tight (sometimes even putting ONE finger in to put the ring in irritates my entrance, but I need it to not have painful periods and diarrhea) because I only see my partner 1-2 monthly, so I'm not constantly used to stimulation, according to him. I've caught a candida infection recently (with no previous history of it) and I had had struggles with my vaginal ph nearing that of menopausal women before, but all I got from my doc were a cream (once! And he said that if it comes back I'll need extensive medical therapy) and every time I complain of any symptoms I get boric acidic vaginal insertions (idk the word, that cone thing which you have to insert then it melts and gets absorbed) which feel like inserting chili peppers and I'm struggling to keep taking that for even a week, so I never finish the whole pack. Your post made me realise that I might need to ditch my obgyn (and get a female one). I hope it's not my ring that is causing my athropy though since he never recommended oral contraception cause of my history of mental illness, which he says would be negatively effected by the greater hormonal swings of the pill. But at this point, I'm not sure if that's not him being misogynistic again lol. Anyways, your post kept me from gaslighting myself about my worries so thanks ❤️ I'm wishing all cis and trans vagina owners less struggling and better doctors! You deserve it.

Post on Vaginal Atrophy.

Vaginal tightness can absolutely be impacted by how regularly you're using the muscles and by extension how often you're having sex, but to be so tight as to have difficulty inserting your finger as a constant is definitely a sign that something might be up!

Extreme tightness can be a symptom of vaginismus as well as vaginal atrophy - "vaginismus" like other vulvodynic conditions is kind of used as a catch-all term for tightness that doesn't have a specific diagnosable cause. Mine improved considerably when I started testosterone (which improved my arousal, my blood flow, and probably impacted my feelings of gender dysphoria) and then cleared up almost entirely when I started receiving counseling for my experiences of child sexual abuse.

The thing is though, while vaginismus is often assumed to be caused by psychological issues and concern, it is the basic responsibility of a medical care provider to eliminate potential physical causes before immediately sweeping to diagnoses of the psychological and psychosomatic.

This sort of involuntary tightening of the muscles can be something to look out for particularly when you're under stress or feeling anxious about penetration, sure, but what you're describing does sound like you're immediately getting irritation and discomfort rather than just physical muscle tightness, and even if it's not an ongoing atrophy, it certainly sounds potentially like a lubrication issue or an issue with the sensitive mucous membranes around your vagina.

Absolutely get another gynecological consult if you can, and yes, woman doctors are always a good shout over men, especially in these fields - they're not perfect, of course, but definitely bring up your concerns and ask them to have a look at your medical notes and see if anything specific rings a bell.

Remember when you do for a vaginal exam that if you're particularly anxious about penetrative exams themselves, you can often ask in advance for a paediatric speculum which is generally a lot smaller than the regular specula, and a lot of doctors are able to apply a topical anaesthetic to aid the internal exam. When I went for a pap smear when my vaginismus was quite bad I had the topical anaesthetic in combination with an oral muscle relaxant as well - your doc should be able to provide more info if this is a concern for you.

Good luck, Anon, and I'm so, so sorry your doctor has been so shitty, it's honestly so common for doctors to routinely dismiss vaginal pain and especially vaginal tightness and to immediately work on the "problem" of how open that vagina is to presumed men's penetration of it rather than the actual vagina owner's comfort, safety, health, and pleasure.

[dangoulains-devotion]

my humble onions on That One Bit Of Dialogue™ (you know the part) from that spooky Nibel sidequest

Prefacing this by saying I'm very chill with whatever they decide to end up doing with Vincent as long as it's interesting and not just "surprise twist for the sake of surprise twist" if u get what I mean. And seeing other theories is fun! So I thought I might share my own

But my personal first impression when he said he'd had plenty of chances to pull the trigger but couldn't doesn't necessarily mean he's talking about literally shooting sephiroth. I parsed it more as a "I knew very well that something was likely to go awry with Sephiroth even if the Jenova detail wasn't known to me, I knew that Lucrecia had chosen to experiment on her unborn child, I knew that with Hojo involved it was going to be a disaster, I knew I knew I knew. But I still couldn't bring myself to stop any of it from happening because I couldn't bear to hurt her."

From what I remember from that sit-down at the table flashback scene in Dirge, he was aware that Something was going to happen to this child but he couldn't have known what. If we're going to follow the line of pulling the trigger literally, I felt like it was more aimed at Hojo in that he regrets he didn't shoot first... My man's could've negated like All of FF7 if he'd beaten Hojo to the punch lmfaoghskhg

Vincent very much does not and has never come across as someone to kill a child or consider doing so, sure he was a turk but I feel like the whole thing with Reno after the plate drop was supposed to drive home that as much as they know certain abhorrent things are part of their job, it doesn't mean that they necessarily want to or feel good about it.

I am certainly interested still in what's gone on in the remakes with his situation of what we previously knew as him sleeping for his sins - the room itself didn't seem like it'd been untouched for 30 years and he had that speaker that let him hear yuffie and barret bantering in the elevator... If he had it as a way of alerting him to intruders, and that it would wake him up, then perhaps there was a literal "I failed to shoot" moment when the Nibelheim Incident was about to happen. He'd have known there was people down there when Sephiroth holed himself up if that was the case, maybe he considered it at that point but hesitated for several reasons

But then again! They kept Crisis Core 1:1, and when Zack finds the coffin, unless Vincent was feigning it to be anti-social, he seemed pretty out cold. So maybe he only started to actively move around/have that speaker *after* the Nibelheim Incident because it tore at him to know that something so tragic happened so close and yet he did nothing because he was asleep... So it was a choice made to be more vigilant? Who knows!

This is kinda rambly and somewhat out of order which I apologise for. It's not even my full thoughts about this damn character, we'd be here all day if I unravelled it all in detail! But I do think that, provided Dirge doesn't get retconned completely, it's likely he considers his gravest sin regarding Sephiroth was that he didn't intervene to divert the poor child's fate before it was even born. And when I say intervene I mean stop the experiment from proceeding rather than tucking his tail and letting the woman he cared for make One Real Fucked Up Choice (that's a part of Lucrecia I appreciated and kind of really hope they don't lighten or retcon about her - the way her ambition and drive was her greatest strength but also her worst traits in that it meant her sense of ethics and the like was tossed to the wayside in favour of Progress™ and Science™.)

Who knows honestly! I'm just glad we got to see him and that he's not optional anymore <3 and that he's a dork besides! I'm also very interested in his left eye... There's some parts where his left eye is much more open than his right when he's wincing or when he back flipped out of the coffin... We've seen he can close them both properly but that small detail felt intentional so I guess we'll seeeeee

I wrote this more as a tossing my 2 cents into the pool, and to organise some of my thoughts I suppose... Cid and Vincent were the two parts I was most excited for with Rebirth and after having completed it as well as side quests and the QB storyline I have much 2 think about...

If you read all the way to here then I appreciate u sticking with my rambling... I am mentally unwell about that tragic old man 🫡

[cienie-isengardu]

I feel like a lot of Kuai's clothes were just Bi-Han's hand-me-downs when Bi-Han got too big and they just threw it at Kuai since Kuai would be growing into it.

Not all of them were but I imagine a good portion of his clothes used to be Bi-Han's, especially before puberty.

I feel that will depend a lot on the timeline, socio-economic situation of Lin Kuei and how big the age gap is between brothers. 

For example, if in the new timeline Sub-Zero and Scorpion’s family is treated like a true Royals, then Kuai Liang as the second-in-line to the “throne”  is less likely to wear hand-down clothes, unless the cloth has traditional importance, like it happens with some items passed down from one generation to another. And that could be as much about Grandmaster and his wife’s wish to give only the best to their sons as much as a matter of prestige and upholding their social status. 

However, if despite the importance of the Grandmaster's role in leading the clan, Lin Kuei is in fact a large family unit first and foremost, with close personal bonds, I can see the clothes being handed down as a common practice - especially if the clan resources are limited. I mean, we hardly have any idea what Lin Kuei economy is based on in time of peace and there is something to say about Sub-Zero’s delight about spoils of war to which Scorpion did not disagree with the sole idea of spoils, only that they must first win the war.

Like, is Lin Kuei big enough to be a whole nation, with its industry, farming, cities and trade or do they live in isolated, self -sufficient society hidden from everyone else? Because to make clothes in the traditional way, you need specialized workers to hand -woven material in the first place, which takes time and a lot of hard work. The Lin Kuei brothers’ uniforms were most likely individually tailored which makes sense, as they are Grandmaster’s sons but also grown up and skilled men that worked hard to to be recognized as the warriors of the clan, but back in the time when they were children? It would be easier to store Bi-Han’s clothes until younger brothers grow up enough to wear them than to lose the limited material resources, as Kuai and presumably Tomas would outgrow the new clothes in a few months.

(Also, I’m speaking here from my family experiences, in which the clothes for babies and children were passed down between so many people over the course of years. So I’m here for Lin Kuei being the close-knit family that doesn’t mind hand down clothes between all the children as a way of supporting each other and providing the needed items. If Grandmaster’s family is a bigger unit, Bi-Han too could wear the hand down clothes before he grew up enough to get his own sets.)

Additionally, if Bi-Han and Kuai Liang (and Tomas) were close in age, the passing down of clothes feels natural and sensible. However if Bi-Han is older than 6-10 years or more, I don’t think his parents would store his baby/childhood clothes to collect dust and take up space in the closet, unless they planned to have another child at some point. 

As for the previous timelines, I think the situation is more complicated, because both Kuai Liang and Bi-Han were children forced into Lin Kuei. And a clan that kidnapped children to turn them into killers doesn’t sound like someone who would care what Bi-Han and Kuai Liang wished to wear or after whom they got their clothes.

The clan definitely provided its adepts with the necessary daily life items, but there is a question how much any of them actually owned anything? If adepts got the second-handed clothes and things were passed down between all children, both Kuai Liang and Bi-Han had a small chance to be given a choice what is given to them (unless the original timeline!father had a say in that regard). Could Bi-Han keep his old clothes, as in, have a place to store them for Kuai Liang when he was big enough to wear it? Could he even hand down his clothes in the first place, or would the clan treat it as mandatory equipment and "losing" anything were punished? I feel that in both original and alternative timelines none of the boys have a control over the clothes provided them by clan and if Lin Kuei practiced passing down clothes from one adept to another, as a cheaper and more pragmatic way in regard to fast growing up children, Kuai Liang may not necessary getting old Bi-Han’s clothes.

​

[puddleofpins]

Why Catnap/Theodore worships the Prototype

This theory contains spoilers for Poppy Playtime Chapter 3. Buckle up, this post is not short. tw for mentions of abuse, many mentions of Christianity/Catholicism and its teachings, enforced religious (specifically Christianity) doctrine, mentions of fictional torture/punishment and inhumane experiments

I’ve seen a few people noticing Catnap/Theodore Grambell was…religious in his devotion to the Prototype, and asking why he’s like this. There’s some hints and pieces to put together that puzzle

1. Catnap uses many words/phrases associated with Christianity (and pretty much all of its branched off religions) to refer to the Prototype and what he means to him. Such as:

• “Salvation”- which means liberation/given freedom from suffering, sin, and evil (referring to the experiments being done on the children by the scientists) This word is used 114 times in the Old Testament of the Bible

• “Rejoice in Him” - Luke 1:47: “and my spirit rejoices in God my savior”

• “my somniferous flock” - referring to Jesus, the son of God, being a shepherd of sheep and also his disciples (yes this does imply Catnap sees himself as a higher being, but only after he is turned into Catnap)

2. Having a shrine to the Prototype, and holding his hands up in prayer/worship to him, like a priest or pastor (or now that I look at it, like Jesus is depicted in many statues)

3. Punishing “heretics” like Dogday, who don’t believe in Catnap’s belief that the Prototype is their savior (this honestly even resembles crucifixion {a punishment used against criminals in the time of the origins of Christianity} with Dogday being held up in a ✝️-like position)

But again, why does he do this? Theodore Grambell seems like a normal child up until then.

We gotta look at the location of Playtime Co.

Now, we haven’t yet been given an exact location, but in a poster in one of the prior chapters it says the Midwest, referring to the Midwestern region in America

doing a few google searches, I found this

Catholic churches, and (I’m assuming the orphanages they hosted) run on donations, and that’s why they are not taxed by the states that they’re in. Oftentimes these orphanages had extremely poor conditions because of low funding and in turn high rates of abuse and even death of the children.

Playtime Co. could’ve bought out countless Catholic orphanages with “donations” to the churches they’re connected to. This would’ve been extremely easy with the lack of regulations and the power of money

There aren’t anymore traditional orphanages in the states today, but 300 is not a number to scoff at. And I’m aware that orphanages in the USA were all closed by 1960, but Poppy was created in 1950. I believe that MOB Entertainment got wonky with the timeline for storytelling purposes because creating Living Sentient Toys in 1950 does not align with real life technological advancements.

What I’m getting at is: I believe Theodore Grambell and other orphans were bought from Catholic orphanages (not all of them of course, just a good chunk of the orphans). Either that, or Theodore was an orphan attending a Catholic school, who was then bought out by Playtime Co.

Think about it, at first, the Playcare must’ve been like heaven to little Theo, especially in comparison to the possible abuse he experienced due to being raised in a Catholic orphanage. Everything is colorful. The adults are so nice and caring, unlike those mean and strict nuns. There’s even toys who can talk and interact with them! All of their needs are provided for, and there’s even dedicated areas to play and have fun!

but then Theo probably starts to see the cracks in this oasis, this heaven:

• Playcare is literally underground and the children are not allowed to go outside

• Anytime one of the children experiences something horrific or abnormal because of a feature of Playcare/Playtime Co. (like Marie Payne who become Mommy Longlegs, or the mentioned “Kevin” in the third tape found in Ch.3) they’re never seen again

• The orphans being said “selected” by the doctors, instead of saying that they were adopted, in I believe the 4th tape

And definitely a lot of other signs I haven’t mentioned, because there must’ve been much more than just what’s been listed.

So Theo starts to get a little wary of what’s around him, a little less trusting of the adults who have been taking care of him and his fellow orphans. This place becomes a little less like heaven and a little more false.

but then he meets a friend!!!!

{insert the picture Theo drew of the Prototype under his bed, because I’m on mobile and have already hit the limit of 10 pictures per mobile post}

A friend that only interacts with him. A friend that is only seen by him, only heard by him, that disappears whenever anyone else comes around. A friend that people don’t believe is real. A friend that sees and hears everything. A friend that gives him little missions because that friend has deemed him worthy of them.

Do you know who that friend sounds like?

God. Or one of the angels sent by God.

THEN on one of these missions, Theodore accidentally gets hurt. He’s electrocuted and close to dying, but his friend who was watching over him saves him from death.

And even after Theo almost dies, he stills tries his hardest to complete these missions give to him by his friend. Because why wouldn’t he? This friend is so special. This friend saved his life because Theo almost died trying to complete the mission he gave him. This friend who is so knowing to the point of being “divine”. This friend who is so similar to the “God” that the nuns he spent his early days with talked about nonstop, he has to be Him.

This leads to Theo being found out and taken as a test subject himself, and subsequently being turned into Catnap; which meant going through horrific and painful experiments. Theo may interpret this as “punishment from following the words and teachings of his God” (definitely an equivalent of Jesus being tortured before his death on the cross), so he might consider himself a bit of a martyr.

Now Theo is no longer a little human boy. Theo is Catnap, and Catnap is much more powerful than humans. He became Catnap because he followed what his Lord told him to do. He was reborn as Catnap because he was such a devoted follower, and now he can complete his Lord’s work even better than he could as a human (literally paralleling Jesus being resurrected).

If we want to get even deeper into this theory and the Christianity parallels, look at Theo’s age and when Catnap was created. It says on the wiki that he was born in the 1980s, and he’s 7 at the time he’s introduced to Playtime Co, which means the year is now 1987. Catnap is made in 1990. That’s 3 years. Jesus after he was beaten, tortured, crucified, and killed, was sealed in a cave. It took 3 days for Jesus to resurrect.

So yeah, Theo was a kid from a Catholic orphanage that was bought out by Playtime Co., who was indoctrinated into Catholicism because he was taught it at such a young age. He’s freed from a hell of an orphanage, to be brought to a false heaven, which leads him to meet his God. That’s why Catnap acts the way he does.

[zoeykallus]

Ahola! Zoe how are you? ✨✨

Can I request some HC on how batchers would react to their children going through puberty? And how they would comfort and explain to them how it works and they would probably be upset because their baby is growing up 🥺🥺

Oh, interesting question...

The Bad Batch HCs - Puberty And Its Pitfalls

Puberty - How do our boys deal with their kids going through one of life's most difficult phases?

__________________

Hunter

He senses something is coming before it really gets started and takes his offspring aside to have a reasonable conversation.

"There are some changes coming your way. Physically but also mentally."

His child looks up at him critically.

"What kind of changes?"

"How well are you being educated at school? Have you talked about puberty yet?"

The child rolls their eyes, "Oh, you mean that. We learn all about it in school."

"I don't think you really learn everything," Hunter says doubtfully.

"The Holonet knows the rest. Dad, I don't really want to talk to you about it."

Hunter sighs and says, "Listen, just one thing, okay?"

"Alright"

He looks at his child urgently and says, "There will be days when everything will be too much for you, you will feel overwhelmed, feel many intense things at once. But that phase will pass. If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me, okay? You can always talk to me, you know that."

Another eye roll, but then, a smile, "I know, Dad".

Echo

He got material, reading material, An audiobook and some handouts.

"You should take a closer look and listen to all of this in the near future."

His child looks at him questioningly.

"If you have any questions about it, come see me".

Echo waits several days, but his child doesn't ask questions.

"And did you read the stuff I gave you?"

"Yes"

"And?"

The child shrugs and says, "Dad we learn this in school and things that are unclear can be looked up in the Holonet"

"You don't have any questions for me?" he asks, puzzled.

With a shake of their head, his offspring answers in the negative.

Echo sighs.

"Please don't grow up too fast"

The child laughs, "Relax, dad, just because I can handle this on my own doesn't mean I don't need you anymore."

Echo smirks and says, "You're smarter than your old man."

Wrecker

He feels a bit insecure and overwhelmed. His child's changing moods are getting to him, but he knows where it's all coming from. Tech has given him some good tips and provided reading material.

Wrecker is open and warm; his children, despite what they may be going through, find it easier to open up to him and seek advice or help in an emergency. Patience, understanding and caring, characterize him as a father.

"It seems like yesterday when I couldn't get you off the animal merry-go-round at the fair," he says wistfully.

"Dad, that was 11 years ago."

Wrecker sighs.

"It was still only yesterday to me. You grow way too fast, it's like you're getting married and moving out tomorrow"

The child laughs and squeezes him warmly.

"Oh, dad, I'm still here".

Wrecker squeezes his child and sighs again.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, even boys and girls and stuff".

The kid laughs, "I'll be fine dad, but if I'm not, I know where to find you."

Tech

He showers his child with reading material and gives one lecture after another until the child's ears almost bleed. It is very likely that Tech will have to be slowed down a bit by his partner or another family member.

A child going through puberty is a challenge that Tech takes seriously, too seriously, perhaps. He really exaggerates his efforts. He has read far too many reports of other parents' experiences and has been unsettled by many a horror story.

Theoretically, he is prepared for all eventualities. Even for the absolutely most improbable cases, for which he nevertheless admits a certain percentage of probability in the back of his mind. He is prepared. At least, he hopes he is.

"It's probably going to be scary," he says seriously.

His child says matter-of-factly, "I'm already educated, Dad."

"I meant for me"

Crosshair

He leaves as much as possible to his partner. The whole thing is an unpleasant, embarrassing topic, he thinks. So he tries to avoid big conversations about it.

But he has a basic conclusion.

"It's going to be exhausting, for all of us, but especially for you. You'll have the wildest ideas and thoughts. At best, don't give in to them. If someone touches you against your will, you tell Daddy, so he can kill the person"

"Um, okay Dad"

However, if his children really do seek his advice, he will of course try as hard as he can. But he doesn't tell anyone that he is sad about how fast his children are growing up, and tries to hide it in any case.

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

@meshla-madalene

@chxpsi

@thebahdbitch

@nahoney22 @ladykatakuri

@darkangel4121

@ttzamara

@arctrooper69

@padawancat97

@agenteliix

@allsystemsblue

@palliateclaw

@either-madness-or-brilliance

@ortizshinkaroff

@andy-solo1

@hunterssecretrecipe

@heyitsaloy

@greaser-wolf

@extrahotpixels

@hated-by-me

@hunterxcrosshair

@malicemercy

@bebopsworld

@echos-girlfriend

@cpnt616

@dangraccoon

@jediknightjana

@pb-jellybeans

@antishadow2021

@sleepycreativewriter

@starwarsnerd111

[unhelpfulfemme]

Being part of the Jedi Order or any other community cannot be considered equivalent to any kind of therapy

Reply to this post because I didn't want to hijack it with my long-ass essay.

While I agree that portraying Jedi culture as cold and detached and oppressive is plain incorrect and frankly bizzare (I love the Jedi culture and think that overall it's really neat), I think that everyone in the post I linked to is severely misunderstanding how therapy works, which is kind of fatal for a discussion whose main purpose is to determine whether something is or isn't adequate therapy.

Because living in a community by definition cannot be therapy.

Therapists aren't allowed to provide therapy to people with whom they have preexisting relationships outside of therapy. Nor are they allowed to begin a different kind of relationship with a patient. Now, you may say that this is because of the great potential for abuse of power but actually, no, while that's part of it it's actually not the main concern.

The main concern is that all forms of therapy - even those that are not "traditional talk therapy" (traditional talk therapy being psychoanalysis and the like 🤢) rely heavily on the relationship between the therapist and the patient. Many studies have shown that this is an integral part of therapy regardless of the therapeutic modality (i.e. the actual content of the therapeutic approach) and accounts for as much if not more of the variance in outcomes as the actual theoretical underpinnings of the therapeutic school (do with this as you will re what this says about therapy). What a therapist does is basically assess where you're at and then scaffolds a better way of functioning - the therapeutic modality just determines in what way they scaffold it, and they also have to have honest input from you in order to tailor it to your particular needs.

Now, here are the issues.

(1) For proper trust to develop so that all of this can be accomplished, the therapist-patient relationship must be devoid of both prior baggage and external incentive structures that might conflict with the goals of vulnerable self-disclosure on the patient's part.

Simply put, it's very hard to, for example, talk about your anger at father figures or your irrational reactions at certain innocuous behaviors coming from father figures when your therapist is also your father figure. It's very hard to talk about your nasty irrational emotions if the therapist is also someone you have a personal relationship with and whose good opinion you care about, or if the therapist is your boss, or someone who is personally close to a bunch of people you are also personally close to, because you might think "Hey, I'm angry at our mutual friend but I can't talk about that, because what if my therapist likes them better and is secretly on their side" or something similar.

A community by definition cannot fulfill this purpose because all communities have a) a power structure, formal or informal and b) social norms. A community might raise a child to follow psychologically healthy tenets of emotional regulation from scratch, and this is what the Jedi do. Here there's no conflict of interest, because when you're raising a child from a very early age trust is more or less the default because the child is still in that malleable stage where they naturally look to their environment to learn this, and your good example and the healthy interactions between you (whether you are one person or several people raising the child communally) and the child will probably be enough to give the proper scaffolding for healthy emotional regulation to develop properly.

However, to move on to Anakin specifically, when you have a child that comes to your community at age 9 with a shitton of preexisting trauma, this does not work because they have already built their behavior and assumptions about the world and way of regulating themselves based on their previous experiences.

Therefore, when you move them to a new environment, they will naturally continue operating according to these assumptions, even if they are deeply irrational and contradicted by plenty of your actions. They will have ugly and dysfunctional thoughts about themselves and others and ugly and dysfunctional behavioral patterns and they will be filled with lots of nebulous fear and/or rage that will be regularly triggered by things that are not deserving of it or that the child is blatantly misinterpreting in light of their previous experiences. They will interpret everything you do according to the preexisting notions that they've picked up from their abusive environment.

If a child is used to being regularly punished, rejected or exposed to threat (which a traumatized child will inevitably be), they will also likely be severely averse to emotional risk and hypersensitive to threat (unless the punishment was so inconsistent or all-permeating that they become completely disregulated in a "you'll punish me whatever I do/there's no way to control when or how you'll punish me because it's completely uncorrelated to my own behavior, which means I may as well do whatever the fuck I want" kind of logic). They'll also be likely to interpret ambivalent stimuli as threatening.

This means that if a child sees you as someone with the potential to wield punishments or the kind of moral or social judgment that leads to social rejection or exclusion (which is basically equivalent to pain for the human brain because we have a natural need to belong), it is impossible to develop a proper therapeutic relationship with that child, no matter how correct your philosophy of emotional regulation and mindfulness and et cetera is.

In broad terms, this is why a community cannot provide therapy- a community by definition must have a mechanism for selecting its members, and also a set of norms or moral criteria the members agree on, because otherwise it'd be overrun with exploitative assholes. Even if it would never cast away the traumatized person in question, they still by definition have the power to do it, something that a person with a hypersensitivity to threat and a history of people treating them badly will be deeply aware of. If you are part of a community, you also by definition care about their opinion and their very disapproval hurts. This can be kind of alleviated if the community in question has few norms about the members' emotional expression because it revolves around another thing entirely - this is why youth groups where the membership is around, say, a shared hobby, can often be helpful - but a community that is a cultural or spiritual community will by definition address these questions and have opinions on them.

Now, to go back to my favourite terrible murdery boy and his relationship to the Jedi, the Jedi are structured in such a way that they are... inevitably authority figures who are pasing judgment on the younglings/padawans. In fact, Anakin's first interaction with Jedi who aren't Obi-Wan or Qui-Gon is in a context of the Jedi evaluating him in order to decide whether he should be accepted or not. This is antithetical to a therapeutic relationship.

Because a situation where they are evaluated and might be rejected (and put back into their abusive environment) will kill any developing trust, immediately activate the abused child's fight or flight instincts, and put them on a track of probably suppressing their emotions and focusing on what they should do and say to please you or, alternatively, being defiant in an attempt to actively and preemptively defend themselves from you.

It doesn't matter whether the Jedi were "mean" or "harsh" in that scene as some people (IMHO unnecessarily and exaggeratedly) complain about - the incentive structure of the situation is the problem. It's like when you go to HR and the nice HR lady with the psych degree asks you how you're feeling about your new position and whether there are any problems - you're gonna say no no matter how nice or enlightened she is. And if this nice lady is your therapist, she won't be able to help you if you're not honest, because she can't tailor the therapy to your needs if she doesn't know what your specific problem is.

Furthermore, the Jedi then become a) Anakin's community, i.e. his only source of companionship, emotional validation, etc. b) The only people providing for Anakin's fundamental physical needs and c) his teachers. As his teachers, it is their overt and explicit role to assess the state of Anakin's learning - including how well Anakin is adopting Jedi teachings about emotional regulation - and then decide on whether they will promote him to the next phase or not or when, all of which determines Anakin's standing in this community and what he is or isn't allowed to do.

This is antithetical to a therapeutic relationship.

OF COURSE a traumatized child will just try to please you as best they can, and you are probably pleased when the child appears well-regulated. But the child doesn't know how to regulate themselves, and they need to be dysregulated for you to show them how, and because emotional regulation is an internal thing they need to express what they're feeling in some way so that you can help them work on it in order to demonstrate. But if they are too scared of your disapproval to express it, you will never get to demonstrate it, and they will never learn. They'll just learn to mask or suppress what they're feeling. And if you have a lifetime of regulating your emotions, they will never see you become dysregulated to the degree that they do, so they can't learn from YOUR example either. And emotional regulation really, really isn't a thing that's easily taught by making someone follow a series of standardized steps - if it were, we'd be living in paradise! You can say that of course getting angry is normal etc. etc. but a person - especially a traumatized person with an internal model of the world that presumes everyone will hurt or reject them - will not internalize this based on words only.

Things become worse when you realize that the Jedi teachings also contain the notion that, "If you are not regulating yourself well enough, you become succeptible to a malevolent corruptive influence that turns you EEEVIL and the antithesis of all we stand for that few if any people recover from".

Now, is this the material state of reality for the Jedi? Yes. Is this also a deeply threatening and fear-inducing scenario? Fuck yes! It contains a threat of a) severe moral judgment of the self as Bad, b) rejection on the part of the community that provides for literally all of your needs, c) the looming threat of a scary malevolent thing controlling you. This is a very threatening scenario for someone with no clear sense of identity or a very negative one, who doesn't know how to regulate themselves, and is also hypersensitive to threat. The very notion of this will be further deregulating for this person, and because it also contains a strong component of perceived social judgment, that they are also hypersensitive to and prone to interpreting in the worst light possible in a way a mentally healthy person wouldn't, it will reinforce the abovedescribed pattern where they must suppress it all and no one must know.

Does the Jedi philosophy on emotions and the Dark side have more nuance than "If you are not regulating yourself well enough, you become succeptible to a malevolent corruptive influence that turns you EEEVIL and the antithesis of all we stand for that few if any people recover from"? Yes. Is the Jedi philosophy right on uncontrolled emotions being a road that leads to hell? Fuck yes! I overall agree with the Jedi philosophy, actually. Will a traumatized child that is put in a state of fight or flight by the very notion and probably had little in the way of formal education be able to pick up on the nuance and properly consider it in a calm and rational way and then also adopt and internalize it on an emotional level? Fuck no.

(2) Another reason your community cannot provide therapy is because, well, have you noticed how I talk a lot about how therapists "scaffold you" and "tailor their approach to your experience"? This is because when you're a therapist, it's a job. Which means that you are putting all your personal needs and preferences aside for the time being and focusing on what the patient needs, interacting and communicating in a way that best facilitates their recovery and not in the way you would genuinely like to communicate. This is why therapists get paid. It's a people-oriented job.

Even if the patient lashes out in a way that is hurtful or offensive, you must react in a way that best serves them, not in a way that mends your feelings or personal dignity. You can't just change the subject if what they're talking about bores you, you can't zone out or decide that hey, their personality is actually kinda annoying and makes me feel bad and I don't want to be friends with them.

This is the whole point of why therapy is different from simply, you know, having a friend - any other relationship is a two-way street and it's shitty and abusive to expect the other person to completely adapt their behavior to your needs and your personal growth. But if you're already set in a dysfunctional pattern, it will often be a self-perpetuating cycle: you get scared and then you get angry and unpleasant to be around and then they leave you and this hurts you and with the next person you are even more scared and even more angry and even more unpleasant... etc. If people with deeply seated issues could just be fixed by having meaningful relationships and practicing mindfulness, we'd be living in paradise!

What a therapist does is construct their interactions with you in a way that slowly leads you to change your behavioral patterns by basically some combination of selecting what kind of stimuli you're exposed to and then giving you the tools to interpret your reactions to them (and the way they do that depends on the modality/school), which means that the relationship is completely one sided and their needs and personal preferences are 100% not in the picture, which is why you're paying them. To expect someone to do it for free and all the time (and this is another reason why you're not supposed to have personal relationships with your patients - you're supposed to provide consistency and behaving one way in therapy and another way outside of it is confusing and disorienting for the patient) is not really good for the person that you are expecting it from.

So it would be really really shitty to expect someone like, say, Obi-Wan, with his own needs and his own personality and perhaps his own emotional baggage (because he's, say, processing the loss of a loved one) to play the part of a therapist for Anakin, because a therapist is fundamentally a different thing than a loved one, brother, father, friend, community member.

Now, if the Jedi Order had some kind of a designated therapist Jedi or similar spiritual advisor who didn't live with or was personally close to the other Jedi that Anakin knows and that Anakin went to regularly (for actual therapy), it would be a way different thing - but correct me if I'm wrong when I say that I don't think they do, in canon? But that still doesn't make "being part of Jedi culture" actively therapeutic.

Does this mean that the Jedi culture isn't wise and beautiful? Fuck no. I think that the Jedi culture is absolutely wise and beautiful. Does this mean that the Jedi deserved to be genocided or are in any way at fault for the fact that they were? They did not and are not and if you think differently kindly fuck off.

But the notion that just... existing within a culture is equivalent to DBT or any other sort of therapy is completely wrong and I felt the need to dispute it.

I also think that knowing how to recognize and practice good emotional regulation and knowing how to change someone's emotional regulation from terribly dysfunctional to good are two vastly different skill sets, and quite frankly the way the Jedi are structured means that they wouldn't have much need to learn the second one, because they hardly ever or never have to deal with raising traumatized children. They just exclude them by default. I suspect that not knowing how to deal with traumatized children and them consequently going dark is a large part of why they set that rule in the first place. The only reason they accepted Anakin was because of the Chosen One stuff and because Qui-Gon insisted.

Which doesn't make their teachings or their culture wrong, nor does it make the Jedi bad people. At all. (I actually think the Jedi culture is beautiful and leaves plenty of room for individuality and expression and plenty of my favourite characters are Jedi.) The Jedi can be 100% in the right about all their teachings (and probably are) and they can still be of little to no therapeutic value to Anakin. These two things can coexist.

Which means that listing "key focuses of DBT" doesn't tell you anything about how they go about facilitating said focuses in the patient or what kind of broader relationship structure is necessary to facilitate that, and that part is what really makes DBT special and adapted to people with really difficult to deal disorders like CPTSD or NPD. Not the key focuses, which are more or less similar for a bunch of different approaches, because they're kinda just common sense about what makes for good mental health.

Could the Jedi teachings be adapted to be better suited to someone like Anakin? Probably, with some mistakes along the way as they're learning (and actually admitting Anakin in the first place can be seen as the first step towards that). How you feel about the risk vs. reward ratio of that when the bad ending creates you a Sith lord is up to you to decide I guess.