puppytoast · 1 year ago
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People see a change with a term they don't like slightly associated with said change and go "hmm I will unintentionally spread misinformation because i'm scared today"
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bloodplague · 2 months ago
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Addressing all allegations
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Before mentioning everything, I'd like y'all to note a few things.
— Trigger warnings: Mentioning gore, slurs, Offenderman, mentioning an abuser (Crystal Castles, Ethan), mentioning of alcohol, etc. — Please do not harass Seirei over this at all. Yes, she made 2-3 videos about that and yes, she has spread some false information, but this is about me and not her. She does not deserve to be harassed. Seirei has been harassed over this, which is why I wanted to mention this. [ @seireitonin ] — Some people don't want their names leaked, so obviously I will draw over some users. — If I'm unsure about what prons to use for different people, I will use they/them. — I don't know where people got that from, but I'm not 25, nor am I in my twenties. My age will be mentioned in this post. Topics: 1. Doxxing & Spamming gore 2. Crystal castles 3. Kastoway 4. Lulu canon sheet 5. Offenderman „headcanons“ 6. Sally‘s channel 7. "Groomer" allegations 8. L slur 9. Asher 11. School shooting jokes? 12. The whole SA thing 13. "Ben drowned controller"-person 14. August and her personal relationship 15. Alcohol mentioning 16. Overly dark humor 17. Krunkatron
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Doxxing
I think people tried to doxx me over all of this now, sending my IP address to Seirei and (possibly!) others, which is a bit wild but there's not much I can do except get a VPN. They also threatened to doxx a literal 13 year old and spam them gore images which is fucked up, nicely said. "Tulip" is the "frenchfucker67200" person.
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Crytal Castles
Because someone mentioned me supporting Ethan Kath, I'd like to mention that I don't. He's a terrible person who has abused Alice Glass (The old lead singer of Crystal Castles) for years and more.
I do love listening to Crystal Castles and ramble about how much I love the music, but did not say anything positive about Ethan. I don't idolize him either. I idolize Alice Glass, who unfortunately was a victim of Ethan.
As far as I'm informed, Alice is the victim and Ethan the abuser. I heard rumors about Ethan being innocent, but there's too much against him. I'm just a Crystal Castles listener, I do NOT know what's the 100% truth.
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Kastoway
I made a video, claiming that "Kastoway didn't actually do anything" and people shouldn't immediately believe everyone claiming stuff without showing proof, and now I'm basically getting called out for that too. I researched a bit and went through his sister's TikTok who made a whole google doc about Kastoway, linking it in her bio. People claim Kastoway is trans-phobic and supported a really weird creator (Sally's creator, La_Mishi_Mishi), so I wanna show what I actually found related to that since I never saw anything confirming that Kastoway is trans-phobic.
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The links in the doc don't work anymore. Also another screenshot of me saying "as far as I know" and not saying "100% the truth".
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Lulu canon sheet
Basically; In our Discord server, every character has her own channel for canon information and images. I threw in most canon drawings the creator made, including one where she was very exposed with only a part of the chest-area covered and the hips including private areas. This was a scar, body and bruise reference. I only put it there for scar refernece purposes, though I see and understand how this drawing is disgusting and should not be shown in a public server. I deleted it after talking about it with someone I will keep anon and a few mods.
Because people got upset over me adding a sexuality headcanon, it's canon that Lulu is straight. When making the headcanon about her being straight, I had no intention of "sexualizing her". I just threw in a headcanon about what sexuality she could possibly have since apparently she's dating someone?
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^ This is all canon information. I'm not sure what "via" means, so I'm not gonna comment that, that's all I could related to Lulu's age. I do not know how old she is on the picture, but assuming she's a minor, I deleted it from her channel.
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Offenderman
Someone basically claimed I was making Offenderman headcanons:
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^ , even though that's straight up a lie? Those are not my headcanons, those were canon facts. For context, we have channels for all characters and their canon information, including Offenderman (until he got removed). I copied those from his canon sheets on DeviantArt, I did not write them myself.
Rough context to the Offenderman channel: He was supposed to be a part of the book because of the whole 4-Slender-brother thing and I planned on killing him off & was NOT gonna include ANY of his actions, but after people expressed their discomfort towards Offendermans channel and him being a part of the book, I removed him completely.
I also like to mention that I don't support Offenderman nor his actions at all. I only added him to have "the 4 Slender-brothers" in the book.
Krunkatron was willing to purposely take something out of context which is kinda crazy, but also what you have to expect when it comes to using Discord, I guess.
But yeah every time someone tried to tell them, they got blocked.
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Sally's channel
Krunkatron claimed I called Sally "sexy" which is also a wild thing to say, purposely taking it out of context.
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This is all copied information I threw in the channel after copying it from her canon sheets. I didn't read everything, I just threw everything in I found. A while later I went through everything and noticed the "sexy", so I removed it.
As far as I can tell, La_Mishi_Mishi (Sally's creator) was explaining the "meaning of the name Sally" which you can literally see on the screenshot too.
Though, I don't see why they would have to include that in a character description of an 8 year old, so I'm absolutely NOT defending them & removed it. Not to mention that they drew weird shit as well.
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Groomer allegations
I don't really have much of a choice in this since allegations like that are serious as hell, so please, I'm not 25 (where ever people got that from). I'm a minor. I was never comfortable with revealing my age or talking about it a lot, since I got groomed several times and wanted to avoid that happening again.
Some of my friends didn't know, so don't pounce on them, only a few knew. The me driving a car video, that was in a parking lot. I've shown my ID to a few people like August, Vanessa, Asher, Alory and Jack too.
I never planned on sharing my exact age. Once people started making guesses, saying they think I'm 19-24, I just went along with it because I was not comfortable sharing my age.
With that being said, most of the allegations are probably cleared up. Specially the "jokingly flirts with minors"-thing.
And before krunk comes at me for my diagnoses, surprise, you can get diagnosed at the age of 15 in Germany. Some personality disorders can be diagnosed at 15 and yes, I got my diagnoses by several professionals. Faking mental disorders is disgusting, I don't do that.
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L-Slur
There's basically a screenshot of me saying the L slur, and I just want to say that I didn't know it was a slur. I don't use slurs I'm not allowed to use, so I immediately stopped saying the word once Alory (the person who I said it to) explained it.
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Some people claim it's not a slur, some say it is, but it doesn't really matter. What matters is that I will not use it again since I'm not a lesbian and have no right to use that slur.
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Asher
Some people claim Asher is a n.zi, and I just want to reassure everyone that he is definitely not one. He explained several times that he does not support any of HABIT's actions and rambles about how terrible he actually is. And no, I'm not "grooming Asher"?? Like I said, I'm a minor myself. In fact, I helped Asher get rid of groomers to stay safe 3 times now.
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School shooting jokes
I basically made a joke about something like "shoot them like the kids in America", and honestly, isn't that the most common joke? I see so many famous YouTubers like Markiplier or Flamingo joke about it, almost everyone on TikTok and literally everyone I talk to. I see how people are uncomfortable if they suffer under trauma related to school shootings, so I won't make those jokes anymore, but aren't they more or less normal at that point? (genuine question)
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Tumblr is only letting me add 30 images in total, so I'm trying to think fo a way to show screenshots without being forced to make 6 different posts.
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The "Ben Drowned's controller" person
Basically a 12 year old that was upset that they got kicked from our server. You have to be 13+ to use Discord. Either way, they claimed that Virus (someone who tried to get nudes from a 13 year old and someone who tried to groom Asher) was not a groomer.
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Please note this person is ONLY 12, so DO NOT HARASS THEM.
They were spreading false information, claiming Virus (aka Kiro on those pictures) is "normal", even though he's far from that. Virus is 22, telling a 14 year old about his kinks, offering to write smut, writing smut, talking about porn and sending sexual drawings. This is absolutely not okay. Saying "Asher could've told him to stop" is not a valid excuse either. Why would an adult tell a minor about that in first place. That's just disgusting.
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August and their relationship
There's nothing much I have to say to that other then that people shouldn't send around screenshots of August's and their ex's DM's?
They are both the same age and (as far as I know) were comfortable with what happened, bringing up their old relationship has NOTHING to do with all of this, so stop.
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Alcohol mentioning
The whole alcohol mentioning has been stopped about 2 months ago. People already expressed their feelings about this, so I stopped. I used to send pictures of my collection at times, which some people twisted into "promoting alcohol" as if I was telling people to drink.
As said, I stopped around 2 months ago (I think) and won't really mention alcohol anymore. I don't know why people brought it up again if we stopped.
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I'm gonna post a "part 2" tomorrow or once I can, talking about all the overly dark jokes I made. It's like 3:17 AM and I have to go to work in a few hours so yeah I'll do that tomorrow.
A few more notes!!!
— I'm most likely gonna delete overly rude comments because it's just unnecessary (looking at Krunkarton who said "Idc if youre a minor, slit to the bone"???) — Read everything before commenting something please, I don't wanna explain things several times when most answers are in this post — Again, I'll address the rest in the second post because of the picture limit
Telling 13 year olds stuff like that is feral. (most of the comments are towards 2 of my friends so yah)
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amberluvsbugs · 6 months ago
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My reaction to the news you just posted:
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I saw your 'I lost someone' post a few days ago, and I have no clue what was going through that person's head for them to do that. Neither you, your co-workers, nor anyone in the fandom who may be suffering from illness deserved to be deceived like that.
My heart goes out to you, and I hope you're doing okay now. 💖
(If you're comfortable clarifying this for anyone who didn't see that post and may want to know the full context (no stress if you don't want to ofc), was Ari initially claiming to be dying of cancer or was it something else? Either way, it's still disgusting what they did.)
thank you it really means a lot. ;;;; In case anyone didnt see the post I made a while back, this is the full story for clarification: This all started on April 29th when I received a DM from my co-worker Toby, saying that a Poppy Playtime fan and friend we will call Ari, who he told me was 18 and has come to know for a solid year, was set to be sedated on May 6th due to having an incurable cancer. Because of this, he wanted me to create an illustration for her before she passed which I immediately took up the offer. Now, for clarification, I don't trust what anyone says in the PPT community. I am aware of how immature and dangerous the community can be. But when it's coming from someone I know and trust, I put my trust forward on that person. I don't mess around when it comes to someone nearing their death. So I got in contact with her, made sure she saw the illustration I made for her, and for the past week after work hours, I would talk with her in VCs and chill at every chance I got to make sure she was happy and having a good time. She acted very kind and sweet to me and so many others who would join the VC as they also soon came to know of her upcoming passing as well. On Saturday, May 4th we hosted a podcast for her as a subtle final farewell to the whole server. And on Sunday evening at 5 pm, me and Toby talked with her one last time in a private vc until she had to take her final leave from Discord. At 6 pm, me and Toby stayed on call listening to the Caretaker album fully (as we both had a big fascination for The Caretaker album, Everywhere At The End Of Time) as a sort of timer to let us know when she had passed, as we knew in 6 hours she would be sedated. At 1 am on Monday morning, The album finished. We both cried so hard it gave us headaches. I only got to really know her for a short time, but at that moment, she made such an impact on me and so many others in the PPT server and community. We had made art dedicated to her and I had even laid out a post for her. Everyone was mourning over Ari’s departure and for 4 days me and Toby were a MESS of emotions of grief. That was until I received a message from Toby on Thursday, May 9th, saying he needed to speak to me urgently in call. Toby told me that he had been watching Ari's activity and found something off with it as it had recently gone active a few times. I told him that maybe it was her friend having access to her account in her passing but Toby immediately showed me proof of the activity that's been going on in another server and on her Roblox account that she had. And that's when we needed proof or confirmation. For the past 4 hours, we did our research to find leads on her. We eventually found her school which apparently confirmed that she was 14, NOT 18, and we got in contact with her parents and asked them about Ari to which they were confused about this whole thing and told us that she was here. Which CONFIRMED that she was still ALIVE. We filled in on the parents for what Ari did and she is no longer going to have access to her electronics. We were both devastated at this point and absolutely furious. Everything we did for her, and the community, was all for nothing. She used and fooled us by a means to get attention and to specifically get in contact with Toby and be forward with him as a minor. We dedicated hours and days to her, mourned and cried for her, all for it to be crumbled down into a fake death. We were beyond disappointed, me especially as I don't take kindly to this sort of thing. I don't get mad. In fact, I try to be a kind person to everyone, but the fact someone would take advantage and play death like this to us for attention is disgusting and just wrong. I have moved on from this but please don't make this a big deal. They were 14 and this will not stop me from doing what I love for the PPT community or whatnot. It's just a life lesson I will take to heart and be careful to not put my full trust in someone unless I have clarification that they are indeed going through a death-like situation like this.
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the-bitter-ocean · 5 months ago
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2 for the isat ask meme!
(Act 3/ Act 4 Spoilers) Thank you for the ask @beneathsilverstars ! I’ll be saying my response under the cut:
2- favorite npc?
Okay aside from the main cast (Loop, Mirabelle, Isabeau, Bonnie and Odile) I’d have to say my favorite npc would have to be Euphrasie!
I adore her design and I just grown to really appreciate her/ writing her in general when applying the theory/ hc I had that she’s from the island like Loop, Siffrin and the King are. I’ve talked about that theory in depth in the official ISAT discord server, as well as here on tumblr. You can find a huge summary of that theory/ hc I initially came up with compiled by my good friend @felikatze who wrote a master post analysis on it here. My personal ramblings and theories about her can be found here and here.
From what little we get to see of her I just think she’s neat! A very fun and sweet character! I personally enjoy both writing her and drawing fanart for her. I’m a sucker for the characters who adores are kind and lighthearted/silly but still willing to do what it takes to protect the people they care about! Euphrasie is cool and it makes me sad when people say she isn��t really a character bc that’s wrong imo! Idk man even if we aren’t given a lot in the game itself, I think Euphrasie is in a similar category with characters like Petronille (Bonnie’s sister) or Claude ( Mirabelle’s roommate) we can clearly see glimpses of what they’re like based on how others describe them and flavor text/ interacting with objects in game etc. Like in canon Euphrasie has: 1) helped guide Mirabelle and many other people in the house of change 2) was one of the few people who knows about wish craft/ did her own research on it to help stop the king and 3) literally gave her own powers/ blessing of being immune to the King’s time freeze to Mirabelle so that she could escape being frozen at the cost of her own safety. Hell even when the world seemed to be ending and Siffrin shoved her away when he went super fucking huge kaiju star mode, she seemed to be fairly lax on the whole situation. Holy shit. Nerves of steel. What a gal. I love her vibes.
I know most people think nothing of her because she doesn’t get to talk or do much, but I find her role fascinating in the context of the game especially knowing that in the loops Euphrasie is aware that the world is breaking apart or that she’s forced to repeat/ say things like a broken record against her wishes. If you don’t understand what I mean by that you should check out the ISAT script project website which can be found on the tumblr blog @isat-script-project
TLDR- I like euphrasie a lot and I like when people in aus or fanfic and fanart expand on her other npcs characters in depth in general. It’s very cool and awesome >:)!!
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tsukkismoonlight · 11 months ago
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When It Comes To You || J.K × Reader
Summary: You've somehow gotten stuck with the most obnoxious (Minus boy genius Armin Arlert) group ever for a college class project. Eren Jeager, and Jean Kirstein. The latter of which seems to find a way to weasel his way into your life, making your plans for a quiet college experience fall away.
Author's Note: okay, like a year and some odd change in months later i'm finally posting this fic!! Honestly life kinda got in the way but we all know how it is. Anywayyyys, I hope yall enjoy! This is my first longer fic, so let me know what you guys think! Also super big shoutout to my buddies on discord for beta reading the first portion of this! <3 wk: 16.7k
Warnings: unedited, probably ooc characteristics who knows
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"Would you two knock it off?" were your first words since the two bone-headed, annoying, loud-mouthed boys had started arguing. 
Here you were, in an empty classroom, supposed to be working on a group project for at least an hour or two, and the /only/ thing that your group had done was bicker back and forth. 
The first of the two boneheads, Eren Jeager, had spent the whole time insisting on his ideas, and his ideas alone, while the other, Jean Kirstein, had only been arguing that the former's ideas were stupid and that 'if anything, Eren should shut his trap and just do the grunt work.'
The blonde, Armin Arlert, was clearly just as done with them, but took a more quiet approach to trying to stop them. Any time he could interject, he tried to reason with the two, but of course neither would listen. 
So, when you stood up, slamming your palms onto the table and shouting at them, all three of them quickly grew quiet. "We only have so much time to work on this project, and I am /not/ going to fail this project because you two idiots can't let go of your egos for more than two seconds!" 
"Well, maybe if this asshole would-" Eren started, mostly keeping his voice at a low grumble, sounding like a scolded child.
Jean, cutting Eren's words short while crossing his arms across his chest, "Oh yeah, /I'm/ the asshole here…"
But with another of your glares sent to both of them, the two stopped once more.
"Maybe we should split up the work?" Armin was already writing out two plans, where you could make out his name and Eren, meaning that you were stuck with Jean. 
Not that you wanted to be with either of them. You'd rather take Armin and just leave the other two to fail. But, as this was a group project, Professor Hange had made it clear that points were to be docked for any group that did not complete the assignment together.  
You plopped back into your seat, sighing heavily. "Okay, we will work in two groups. Looks like Eren, you're going with Armin, and Jean, you're with me." You paused as Armin slid over the paper he had drafted up. 
Glancing over it, you could see that he had given you and Jean a good amount of work, yet he had still given himself more. Part of you wanted to point it out, maybe even offer to take some of the load, but the other part of you knew that Armin would refuse and somehow make it sound like the nicest thing he'd ever do.
"Okay, so, from there, once all the research is done, Armin and I will meet up in person to work on the presentation bits, which means that Eren and Jean, you will only need to put your findings in a document for us. That should be easy enough." 
When no one objected, you started to pack up your things.You waited for Jean to take a picture of the draft before tucking it away in a folder carefully. 
Around you, the others started to do the same. With a small breath of relief, you finished packing up and slung your bag over your shoulders, looking to each of your groupmates slowly. "If anyone has questions,” you announced, “please text me. I gave Armin my number already, but if you need mine, ask now."
Eren slid his phone across the table to you, a sour look on his face, as he was clearly upset with the whole situation, and the fact that he had been yelled at over it. You ignored his attitude and typed in your number before returning the phone to him.
Next was Jean, who looked at you for a few moments, then handed his phone over to you, where you repeated the process of saving your number for him. 
With that done you set off to your dorm.You didn't live alone, but it was bound to be a wonderful change in pace (and in volume levels). When you arrived, you slipped your shoes off and headed for your room, pausing for a second as you saw one of your roommate and probably your closest friend Sasha Braus. Currently she was sitting on the floor of her room, clutching a bowl of soup…or what was probably a bowl of soup, as it was empty now. 
"Oh, hey! You're back already?" she asked, turning to you with a spoon dangling from her mouth. It caused a slight slur in her words, so it came out more like, "Ohhh, heyyy, yer bick alreaty?"
With a sigh, you walked into her room, dropping your bag by the door before flopping onto her bed (which was incredibly comfortable). "Yeah, I called it quits early because I got paired with Armin, Jean, and Eren, and Armin is fine and all, but your stupid friend and Eren can't go more than five seconds without fighting." 
You could hear a soft clink as Sasha put her spoon down. "Well, it always works for me to hit them." 
"I can't hit my group mates…even if I want to," you grumbled, rolling over onto your side so you could see her.
"I can hit them for you then, just tell me when and where." She flexed her arms, raising her eyebrows up and down at you as she did so. 
This caused a breathy laugh to come from you. You could feel yourself starting to relax. Your two roommates were probably the only reason that you had stayed sane so far. 
Sasha was always good at getting you to smile, at times she wouldn't stop until you showed some sign of positivity. And of course you were more than grateful for it. 
When you had first moved to the dorms, you had kept to yourself, unsure if you really liked her at all. But with time, you warmed up to her easily. 
There had been a handful of nights where she would invite you to stay up and just talk, or watch some movie. And, at times, she would share food with you, which you learned wasn't always her favorite thing to do. 
"Hey, one of these days we need to catch up on Food wars." 
You looked back to her, nodding along, "Oh for sure! Maybe sometime this next week I can stay up with you and we can watch it. Maybe buy some junk food too." 
At the prospect of snacks, she perked up even more. "Can we get-"
"Yes, we can get the baked potato flavored chips." 
"You didn't even let me finish!" Sasha pouted a little, though still unable to hide her excitement at the confirmation of her favorite snack.
You reached down and flicked her forehead lightly, "Well I already knew what you were going to say. It wasn't hard to figure out."
"Hey! I could have asked for something different! Like, salt and vinegar ones!" 
"You don't even like those, and neither do I. We wouldn't ever buy any." 
The two of you talked for another five or so minutes until she had to leave, shouting something about Connie Springer owing her dinner. You took the time to go back into your own room which you actually shared with a third roommate ( neither of you wanted to share a room with Sasha because of her snoring). However, he wasn't home yet, which meant that he'd probably be back late.
You pulled your laptop out of your bag and plugged it in; then you went to grab your notebooks, some pens and pencils, and finally your copy of the book for your project. It was best to get a headstart on the project, as it was worth most of your grade. 
Professor Hange had assigned the class to read and analyze an old book written by a nameless author. The idea and plot was interesting to a point. It was a war between mere humans, and a race of humans that could take control of what they called titans. The main two parties at war were named Marley and Eldia, both of which claimed that the other was in the wrong, and had vowed to take revenge, wanting to eradicate the other's existence. Towards the end, there was something of a compromise, and Marley seemed to come out victorious. All in all, there was a lot more to it, and the details were typically gorey and morally wrong. The ending wasn't ever written, leaving all readers to question what they knew and what they may not have been told. 
This is where your project came in: you were to try and look into the book, outside sources, even artwork, whatever the class could get their hands on, and work on an analysis. Hange hadn't given many guidelines; they wanted to leave it open and see what the class would come up with. Your group hadn't made a decision yet, but so far, Eren was dead set on writing an analysis on who he thought was right and freedom and some other crap, while Jean only had talked about how Eren was wrong. 
Luckily enough, Armin had already written up a potential analysis summary, one that focused on how the two sides were similar and what they shared in common with the rest of humanity, and how trying to pick a side would only allow their bloody history to repeat again. His was rather long winded, but it allowed for you to pick and choose the best parts, and what you guys wouldn't really need. 
You spent some time searching the internet for more sources, coming across a few articles on what could be a deeper meaning to the story, and a few on what could have been the rest of the world's view on both Marley and Eldia. 
That was when you came across a page for the local museum; it seemed that there was going to be an exhibit about the book, featuring many different artists and even some written works. Taking a moment to write down the dates and price for tickets in your phone’s note app. You then sent a quick text to Armin about it, letting him know that if he wanted, you could go and check it out with Jean. 
Clicking your phone off, you gave a heavy sigh and stood up, pulling your arms above your head in a stretch before continuing to work on the project. You knew that you should probably eat something, and drink some water, as you hadn’t really been able to do so in the last few hours. But with the project being so important, you decided against getting back up. If you got up now, chances were that you’d end up wasting some time doing who knows what. You really needed to just focus on your work, food, water and relaxing could come later. This was typical for you, what was one more time anyways?
Quietly, your afternoon quickly turned to night, and you wouldn't have noticed if it weren't for both of your roommates crashing into your room. 
You turned around, eyeballing Sasha and your third roommate, Marco Bodt, unsure if you really wanted to ask questions. 
"She was drinking with Connie at his place," 
"Huh? Noo I waz'nt ! Conn and I were jus playin a game an' then…and then..mmkay maybe I was drinking, but!" Sasha rambles on for a minute, still leaning heavily on Marco, who just gave a half hearted and weary smile. 
You shook your head, and stood up, making your way over to Sasha taking her off Marco's hands "Was Connie like this too?" you asked.
"Yeah, he and Jean both…" Marco sighed, following you as you took Sasha to her room. While you carefully put her in her bed,  Marco pulled her shoes off for her. 
At his words, you paused for just a moment then you continued to fish Sasha's phone from her pocket, placing it on the charger for her. 
"Of course, Jean was drinking, too." you remarked. You tried your best to ignore the irritation rising in you. It wasn't like you guys had to get the whole project done right away, or that Jean couldn't enjoy a drink with his friends. But, it wouldn't surprise you if only Armin and yourself had been the only two to even start.
As the two of you left Sasha to sleep, Marco motioned to the kitchen, saying, "Hungry?" You gave a small nod in response.
Once in the small kitchen area, you hopped onto the counter while your roommate got to work on making something simple. From the looks of it, he was just making mac and cheese, but you couldn't really care less. You hadn't noticed it earlier, but you were actually starving. 
A quiet buzz from your pocket pulled your attention from Marco cooking, and you pulled your phone out, seeing a few messages from an unsaved number. 
"Heyy, it's me"
"Jean"
"just figured i'd text you since we have be partners"
"Not complaining cause i dont wanna be stuck with eren" 
You shook your head at your phone, typing a quick reply back, “Wow really? I couldn’t tell.”
Another buzz, another incoming message, “I really hate that guy. He’s stuck up, and always thinks he’s right”
“You know, I feel like there’s someone else like that too.” You sucked in a deep breath, already feeling a tinge of annoyance creeping its way into your body. Sure, Jean was bound to be the better of the two, but that didn’t mean that you wanted him texting you about his testosterone fueled hatred for Eren.
A few moments pass before he texts you again, the words a little hard to make out at first, “you better not be implying that im like him”
“I would never do that. You are an okay person in my eyes”
“Just okay? I’m fuckin’ great!”
“Yeahh, sure. I agree with you, 100%”
You could almost feel his skeptical gaze through your phone as he sent yet another message, “I dont know if I believe that.”
“I dont care if you believe it or not tbh”
“I cant tell if you like me or not”
At this, you paused. You didn’t really know the guy outside of what you were told by Marco and Sasha. And he definitely did not know you. If he did, he wouldn’t be bothering you right now. But as much as that all was true, you also didn’t want to outright say that you didn’t like him, at least not over text while he was suspiciously hitting you up out of the blue.
“im not sure if like is the right word. Right now I tolerate you.” 
“Thats a good thing right?”
You didn’t answer, figuring that he would eventually get the hint. But, within minutes, he was texting you yet again. You watched as more messages popped up one by one, all of which just as hard to read as the others. Though you eventually figured them out. He was promising to do his share of the project, as well as promising to keep on schedule with it. The last thing he sent was asking to meet up tomorrow, and figure out what you wanted him to do, and something about how he couldn't really understand the guideline sheet. 
You sent a quick reply, just a place and a time, before returning your phone to your pocket, and just in time, Marco had a bowl of delicious mac and cheese for you. 
"Thanks man, you're the best." 
"Hey, you cooked last night," he said, shrugging, "and somehow it was pretty impressive, given the fact that we're all super broke and have next to nothing in our cupboards," 
You let out a small laugh at that. "I am a person of many talents."
"Do tell your secrets, as I am eager to know," Marco says in-between bites, playing into the bit.
"Oh, I couldn't, because then you would have to learn my /tragic/ backstory of how I had to fend for myself as a child." You dramatically sigh, placing a hand to your forehead, and then paused, peeking out at Marco before saying, "That part is actually true. At my house, we often had 'Fend for Yourself Nights' where you kinda just threw stuff together it could be leftovers, cereal or, like, dry ramen." 
Marco chuckles, pointing his fork at you and saying "So that must be the secret then!" 
The kitchen rendezvous went on for a while longer before you both headed off to bed, agreeing that Sasha can do the dishes when she wakes up. 
The next day, you had managed to drag yourself out of bed and find your way to the coffee shop where you were supposed to be meeting up with Jean. 
Key word is 'supposed' to be, since it had been 30 minutes since you had gotten there. Hopefully, you didn't look like some poor soul that had gotten stood up on a date and more like someone enjoying their Saturday morning. 
Another ten minutes passed, and no word from Jean, you had finished your coffee, and had already finished working on pulling out key information from a few of the web sources that you found the night before. 
You glanced at the time again and cursed under your breath. You had better things to be doing. So, you quickly pack up your things and toss out the trash before leaving.  
Just as you returned to the little table to grab your bag, the bell at the door chimed, drawing your attention.  
There stood Jean Kirstein himself, out of breath, hair hastily brushed out of his face, and clothes a whole mess…you were pretty sure he had worn them yesterday too. 
However, his sudden entrance had also gathered stares from everyone in the shop;most people looked on with a frown, questioning why he had just thrown open the door like that, just to stand there looking like a lost puppy. 
You groaned, marching towards him and then grabbing his wrist and dragging him out of the way. 
"Seriously? You show up almost an hour late, and make a big scene?!" you say, continuing to pull him down the sidewalk.
"I know, I know!" He took in a sharp breath, stumbling as he went. 
"I mean seriously?! What's your deal?" 
"I didn't mean to be late! And can you stop shouting? My head is killing me…" 
You came to an abrupt stop and turned around to face him. "It doesn't matter if you didn't mean to be late, you were still late! I mean, come on, I sat there and looked completely stupid while I waited!" 
At your words, he tugged his arm free from your grasp, and hesitated for a moment before, saying, "Okay, I'm sorry. I should have been here on time." 
"Or at least texted me to tell me!" You sighed, bringing a hand up to your temple. "Whatever, let's just find somewhere else to sit and I can show you what your part of the project is." 
With those words, the two of you walked in silence until you were back at campus, arriving at one of the rooms designated for studying. It didn't take long to run through Jean's responsibilities, and for you both to settle into a somewhat uncomfortable quiet and begin to work. 
Currently, you were taking the information gathered earlier and writing them into evidence for your thesis while Jean was searching for art pieces to analyze. 
Every fifteen to twenty minutes or so, you'd check in with eachother and help if needed-and Jean needed more help than you did, really. 
And maybe if he hadn’t spammed you with drunk texts the night before, and then came late to your meeting, it wouldnt have bothered you as much. So when he did ask for your help, you were being short and to the point. Luckily for you, helping him was easy. It consisted of choosing between artwork, and identifying key themes or details that stood out, and then giving him ways to write it down so that it made sense with the overall idea behind your project. Now and then, you'd have him read over what you wrote, just to see what all he thought and if he had any suggestions.
Finally, after a few hours, Jean leaned back in his chair and sighed loudly. "Okay, I think we've got a lot done. Why don't we break for the day?" he suggested.
At his words, you hesitated. While a break did sound nice, you'd much rather keep working. If you got ahead, there'd be time for breaks later, or time for helping Armin and the others. 
"You go on ahead, I'm going to stay a little longer. Thanks for showing up today." You gave a small smile before looking back down to your laptop, trying to spot where you left off. 
For a moment or so, Jean packed up his things, not necessarily quietly, but enough for it not to bother you. Though, after he finished doing so, he didn't leave. Instead, he stood /annoyingly/ close to you, seemingly trying to burn holes into the back of your head. 
"Is there something you need or…?" 
"You're seriously going to stay and work more?" 
"...Yeah?" 
Jean let out a small series of 'tsk' noises and began to close your notebooks and the few textbooks you had brought. You stuttered out half of a sentence, none of it making any sense, as you watched him stack up your things, his finishing move to carefully close your laptop without even shutting it off. 
"What are you…Why…I mean-what?" 
"I think you work too hard." he remarked, grinning. Normally that would sound snarky coming from him, this time he sounded gentle, and nothing in his face seemed to show any ill will. "I mean, I've never seen you do anything fun. All you do is push yourself to do work." 
You were at a loss for words, face heating up with embarrassment. Just because he had never seen you do fun things didn't mean that you were some sort of shut in who only ever focused on homework and studying. 
Jean waited for you to pack your things, all of which you did while in a small haze, trying to comprehend it all. When you were done, he motioned for you to follow him, not saying a word of what he had planned. 
The two of you walked outside, Jean slightly ahead of you as he continued to lead the way. Occasionally, someone would stop Jean, asking him about a party or a class. He seemed to have a lot of friends, or rather just a lot of acquaintances.
Eventually, you both came to a little grassy field, one where students often came to waste time, or play games like spikeball, or frisbee. Currently, it wasn't very busy, and the two of you found a spot to sit and relax under a warm spring sky.
For the first five minutes, you sat in silence, an almost comfortable one. You found yourself mumbling about how this wasn't so bad, noticing from the corner of your eye as Jean turned to look at you. 
"Would I ever lead you astray?" Jean elbowed you carefully, earning a scowl from you. 
"Given that we don't really know each other, I'm not sure," you retorted. 
"I know that we've had at least three classes together since freshman year, and that you don't seem to like anyone," he pointed out. 
"Not true,” you said. “Sasha and Marco are very nice people who I like a lot," 
At this he barked out a laugh, a wonderful sound really, compared to his typical evil sounding snicker. "Okay, so you appreciate the presence of three specific people." 
"Three? I only named two people," you said, holding up two fingers to signify your only two friends. 
"Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but right now you don't seem to hate me, so I counted myself."
You gave another scowl."If we were able to pick our own groups, I would have picked other people, just for the record" 
"Ouch, that kind of stings." 
You couldn't tell if he was serious or not, but one thing you did know was that he probably wouldn't have picked you either.  Not that it really bothered you. While it was true that you've shared classes in the two years that you've been in college, the two of you never really talked. 
Sure, you've had the quick conversations in the hall, or maybe accidentally bumped into each other when trying to take Sasha home, or even just when Jean would hang out with Marco at your dorm. 
It wasn't that you didn't like him (aside from his huge ego and inability to get along with certain people) or even that you didn't like people in general. You honestly just wanted to focus on school, so that you would graduate on time, and get the hell out of this town. Personal relationships could come later, and you were completely content with that. Being alone wasn't something that bothered you. Or, something that you /let/ bother you. 
You leaned back until you were laying down in the grass, staring up at the cloudy sky. The more you thought about it, the more your head seemed to churn with an anxious and maybe even guilty conscience. 
"By the way, I'd say that, even though we didn't get to pick our own groups, I don't mind being paired with you." You sighed, keeping your eyes trained on the sky as Jean laid down next to you. 
From there, the conversation switched to a few different topics, one of them being a small argument over the particular shape of a cloud and what you thought it was. 
Eventually, the clouds dissipated, and the sky faded from its blue to a dusty orange lined with a pale pink-ish-purple. 
"I guess it's time to go home for the night," Jean said. 
"Mhm, guess so," you quietly said, but made no effort to sit up yet. 
Next to you, Jean stood, brushing off his clothes and running a hand through his hair, attempting to make sure there wasn't any grass on his person. Then, when it was apparent that you still hadn't even moved, he nudged you with his shoe. "You coming or what?" 
"I’m waiting," 
"For what?" 
"The first star I see" 
Jean slowly looked away from you and to the sky, "Can I ask why?" 
"No." 
It wasn't really a big deal, but this was your favorite time of the day, and you had the habit of looking for the first star you could find and making a small wish on it. It had been something you'd done ever since you were a kid; old habits die hard. But it wasn't something you just went and told people about, especially not someone like Jean. You were sure that he'd poke fun at you for it. 
His voice pulled you away from your thoughts, and you watched as he pointed just above your heads. "I think there's one over there." 
From your perspective, he was lined up to where the star was atop his finger.The sight made you smile softly; you didn’t notice that he had glanced back down, watching the small moment. 
"Okay, now we can go." You sat up slowly and climbed to your feet, grabbing your bag from where it had been by your feet. 
The two of you parted ways for the night, and you found yourself back at your dorm, which was uncharacteristically empty and quiet. Either Sasha would come home drunk again (or with her hands full of food that she got from Connie or that Niccolo guy) or that she would stay out for the night. Marco on the other hand, was probably visiting some other friends for the short weekend, so most likely, you had the place to yourself until the following evening. 
With the freedom at hand, you took some time to make dinner and lounged around the shared living space, until eventually, your eyelids grew heavy, and you forced yourself into your bed for the night.
The sound of knocking at your door woke you up. At first, you had half a mind to ignore it, but with your roommates, and the friends they had, the knocking wouldn't stop.  You glanced at the clock, seeing that it was around noon, a time that you hardly ever slept in till.
"Yeah, okay, I'm up. Who is it?" you grumbled at the door, noting that if it was Marco, he wouldn't necessarily need to knock, meaning that it must be Sasha. 
And it was. At your words, she swung the door open lazily, and leaned around the corner, "Heyyy, I was wondering if you had plans today? Connie, Jean, and I were going to play some volleyball! Wanna come? Marco is gonna join us later!" 
You took a moment to think it over. It was Sunday, so you didn't have classes, and depending on how long you were out, you could always do more homework later. Not to mention, Jean's comment about how you worked too much was still fresh in your mind. 
"...Yeah, okay, I'll come play. Give me a few minutes and I'll get dressed." 
She gave you a huge grin, shouting over her shoulder, "They said they'd come! You guys still have the net?" 
You watched as she disappeared back into the main area of the dorm, and then shut your door to change. When you exited, you could see the three of them waiting by the door, Jean holding the net, while Connie was tossing the ball between his hands. 
The walk was fairly short, as Jean had suggested the field that the two of you had been at the other day, and just like the day before, there weren't very many people out. You guys could set up a spot without having to worry about anyone else. 
At least, that's how it was at first. The game went smoothly. Surprisingly, all three of them were pretty good at the sport; though, if you had to rank them, it would be Sasha, then Jean (mostly because he can use his height to his advantage), and then Connie. 
For the first game you played, it was you and Sasha versus Jean and Connie. Then, it switched to you and Connie, and finally, you and Jean. 
No one was really counting points; no one could keep track, though each side was sure that they were winning, even if they weren't. It was about halfway through the current match, right as you were about to serve, when something came crashing into your head. 
It had hit you pretty hard, and it took you a moment to even realize what had happened and what was currently happening. 
"Hey, man, watch where you throw this thing! You nearly took my partner out!" Jean was holding a football and pointing it aggressively at another college student, who you think was named Floch or something close to it. 
The guy snatched the ball from Jean, giving him the dirtiest look. "Well, maybe you guys shouldn't be playing so close to where we are." 
At this, Connie and Sasha stepped up. Connie took to Jean's side, starting to bicker with the guy, while Sasha checked your head, fussing over you. 
"Just say sorry to our friend already. You can at least agree that you hit them!" You weren't sure who said that, as all the voices blended together until that moment. Suddenly all eyes were on you. 
More specifically, Floch's eyes. He regarded you warily, annoyance clear in his eyes and voice. "Your dumbass friend looks fine to me,” he sneered. “And besides, we tried to warn them, and they didn't move. It's their own fault. Don't go blaming me for your friend being an idiot." 
You weren't sure what came over you; maybe it was anger from the childish name calling, or maybe it was the stress of the week getting to you, but within an instant, you had crossed the few feet to get to him, and threw a punch. 
You watched as he stumbled back, nearly running into one of his nameless friends, as he clutched at his face. He was clearly seeing red.
"How dare you!" he shouted out. He started to make his way over to you, obscenities of all sorts falling from his mouth.
None of which you really heard, because at that exact moment, Sasha and Connie both shouted the same thing, 'Run,' and took off. 
And, before you knew it, Jean grabbed your hand, pulling you along as he chased after the two, until you four were sure that Floch and his extras weren't going to follow you. 
When you finally stopped, everyone was bent over, stuck in between laughing and gasping for air. 
"Holy shit! That was insane!" Sasha wheezed out, and straightened out, turning to the group with a large smile on her face.
Connie spoke next, hands still on his knees. "I can't believe we ran away." 
All at once, realization hit you: you had just clocked a guy, and then ran away, without even thinking twice. Never in your life had you done something like that. You weren't super confrontational, and you certainly would rather avoid physical altercations. But, at that moment, you had just done it. And, the crazy thing about it was how amusing you found it. Because even though you were struggling to breathe, you were laughing. The kind of laugh where you couldn't stop, and your eyes would start to tear up. 
From where he was standing at your side, Jean watched for a moment, a certain fluttering in his chest (though he could pass it off as his own endeavors with taking in air). You, for the first time that he had seen, were so laid back about the fact that you had hit someone. And the way that you were now chuckling to yourself, clearly in a sort of disbelief mixed with content. 
Jean drew your attention, "Is it bad that I kind of liked seeing you hit him?" Then he paused, as if he had rethought his choice of words. "I mean, in the sense that Floch is a stuck up, entitled bastard, and that he had it coming." 
You gave a little huff, and shrugged. "Well, I'm sure anyone would pay to see that…I honestly didn't know that I was going to hit him…until right after." 
"Well, that was amazing! That guy's been a tyrant since the beginning of the year! He even tries to get in with Eren's group, as if he was even worth being someone to talk to." Connie clapped a hand on your back, his adrenaline still running through him. 
"And I thought that Jean was the one to start fights," Sasha teased.
"Sasha! I don't start fights!" 
Around you, the three continued to talk while you watched, enjoying the sight.  
It was rather nice, for once. You weren't holed up in your dorm room while everyone else had fun, even if the fun was getting into a fight of sorts—which, as you thought back on it, the whole thing was kind of funny. It would have easily been solved if those assholes had just apologized, but you were starting to think that this outcome was better. 
“Hey, should we go back for our things?” Jean asked, pulling your attention to him.
“Yeah, probably, and if those assholes are still there, I think we know someone who can take them on for us.” Connie sent a lopsided grin your way, a certain mischievous look in his eyes.
You shrugged, acting as innocent as possible. “Oh yeah, you’d be the perfect guy for that, even with the serious height disadvantage.” 
Connie’s mouth dropped open, not quite expecting that kind of remark from you. As far as he knew, you were silent, hardworking, and the person who likes to keep to yourself. Even you were a little surprised, but, maybe after today’s events you could try out some new ways to enjoy your life a little more.
Once again, the four of you made your way back to the field, and as you did, you could see a familiar figure standing by your net, looking down at his phone. 
“Marco! You made it!” Connie shouted out, drawing your friend’s attention. “You missed all the action; it was insane!”
“Huh? Did I miss out on playing? And where were you guys?” 
As you approached, Sasha and Connie exploded into answers for his question. 
“You only missed a little of our game-”
“We had to run from Forrester and his braindead lackeys!”
“We’ve got our own Rocky! You should have seen the way they punched him! No hesitation at all!”
Slowly, Marco seemed to piece all of the information together, nodding as he thought it all over. His eyes looked at everyone one by one until he got to you. “You punched someone? The most I've ever seen from you was the time you swore at your computer when it crashed!”
A small and almost shy smile escaped you, “Well, to be fair he started it. I honestly didn’t even think about doing it; my hand moved on it’s own,”
He only shook his head, looking back around the group. “So, are we still playing?”
Jean shook his head. “Maybe we should head back to one of the dorms? Relax or play some games?”
“Oh! I’ve got some fun games!” Sasha chimed in, then paused. “But I’m kind of hungry, so maybe we could make some food, too!”
Once everyone agreed to the plan, the now five of you ended up in the dorm you shared with Marco and Sasha, where Connie, Sasha and Marco focused on setting up some games in the little living room area, and you and Jean were tasked with making some dinner. Of course, it wasn’t exactly easy, given the few options, but eventually, the two of you were able to settle on a college delicacy: instant ramen. 
You pulled out a pot to fill with water, while Jean opened a few packs of said ramen. All in all, it was easy to make, and didn’t take terribly long. Before you knew it, you were handing out bowls to the other three while Jean brought over yours and his to where you were now sitting on the floor, some game cards in front of you. 
“Okay, listen up, I’m not explaining this twice,” Connie announced. “The game is simple: read a card to yourself and then say someones name who you think matches the card. You flip a coin. If it’s heads, you tell everyone what was on the card and give that person the card. If it’s tails, you keep it to yourself, and the card is yours.” Connie gave everyone a pointed look, and when no questions or objections were raised, the game started.
The first to go is Marco; he took a moment to read his card before immediately calling out Connie’s name. Then when the coin was flipped, it landed on heads, earning a small sigh from Marco. 
“It asked who would be the one to need parental supervision no matter what age someone is,” Marco explained.
“What? Why not Sasha?! She gets into more trouble than I do!” 
“Hah! Say that to Professor Levi and all the times he has had to tell you to shut up,” Jean remarked “And not to mention you black out at every party you go to. Do you know how many times I have to carry you home while you sing at the top of your lungs?”
Connie grumbled a bit, but didn’t try to deny the claims. Instead, he pulled out a card to read. His turn ended with a flip of tails, making it now your turn. 
From the main deck, you pulled your card and read it over silently: ‘Out of everyone in the group, who would you rather make out with?’
You can feel your face heat up, already knowing that you only really have two options, Jean or Marco. And Marco is only really a choice because of how well you know him, but even then, you wouldn’t really want to do that with him. So after a few moments of silence, you call Jean’s name, looking anywhere but at his face. 
“That took you some time; must be a good card.” Sasha grinned, reaching for the coin and giving it an impressive flip. Everyone seemed to hold their breath as it landed, and all at once, five heads stuck together to see the outcome.
Heads. The worst possible way for things to go. You could feel all eyes on you now, and you begrudgingly read out the card, once again avoiding looking at Jean entirely. 
A chorus of ooo’s and ahh’s filled your ears, and everyone had something to say about your answer. 
The only one you even managed to hear was the man himself: “I hope you plan to take me out first, I’m not won over so easily." Of course, he had a cocky smirk on his face, pointed directly at you. 
“Whatever, just…whoever is next, take your turn.” You shook your head, busying yourself with eating some of your food that was now starting to get a little cold. 
Time seemed to escape you all and the night drew to a close with Connie and Jean taking their leave. Marco took the time to wash the dishes, roping Sasha into helping, and you retired to your room. You took the time to change into some comfier clothes and settle into your bed, though not quite wanting to sleep just yet. 
Your mind was still stuck on the first game you played and the card you had picked Jean for. While you wouldn’t argue against the idea of finding Jean attractive, or even the idea of kissing him, you just weren’t sure why you were so trapped in thinking about it. You didn’t even know him all that well, and for the most part, you had thought that he was pretty unbearable. 
And yet, the more your thoughts seemed to revolve around him, the more you could feel an uneasy knot forming in your stomach. There was no way that you were going to let yourself get wrapped up in developing feelings for him, or anyone. You were supposed to be focusing on school so that you could get the hell out of this town and make something of yourself.
Not to mention the fact that all of your previous attempts at relationships crashed and burned. The last time that you had gotten close with someone in that way, you ended up with a mixture of being heartbroken and incredibly angry. That was about the time you started keeping to yourself, as if getting to know someone in a more than platonic way would cause your world to shatter again. You couldn’t-no /wouldn’t/ deal with something like that again. 
You let out a groan, planting face first into your pillow and trying to shoo away all thoughts related to romance and feelings, and of Jean Kirstein. 
“Suffocating yourself?” 
You jumped lightly, head snapping up to see Marco in the doorway, leaning against the door frame. His expression was a little hard to read, though he could be like that at times. 
“Uh…no, not quite what I’m going for, but if it gets the job done, then sure,” you joked.
He moved across the room to his own bed where he took a seat, facing you. “Then what’s with the face-in-pillow tactic?”
You hesitated, knowing full and well how close Marco was with Jean, closer than he was with you. “Oh, uh, just, school things, homework, assignments, that sort of thing…”
His eyes narrowed slightly, brows furrowing. “Yeah, for once I don’t buy that, but if you don’t want to talk about it, I won’t force you to spill the details."
Again, you paused, turning away from Marco and looking towards the door. In truth, it wouldn’t hurt to tell him, since he wouldn’t ever tell a secret that wasn’t his. He was definitely the guy who would just want to talk things out, not wanting things to end badly. 
“Okay…Well…that card I got earlier,” you began. “I’m just worried, and I know that it’s just a stupid game, but I cant help but think about it.”
“Worried that Jean took it the wrong way, or worried that you’d actually want to kiss him?”
Marco was somehow always hitting the nail on the head, a talent of his. 
“Would saying both make sense?”
He thought for a moment, the room filling with an unnamable silence, until he spoke again. “Well, I’m sure Jean is going to take it in the way he always does: an ego boost for his way too big head.” Another pause. “As for the idea of maybe wanting to kiss him, I wouldn’t say that's an all too terrible idea, besides the fact that it’s Jean. But, if you really aren't sure about how you feel towards him, maybe you could…test it out?"
“Test it out?” you repeated, confused.
“Yeah,” he said, nodding. “Like ask him to hang out or something. You don’t have to necessarily make it like a date, but you could use the time to get to know him more, and figure out if it’s just because everyone made a big deal out of it, or if you might actually be interested in him, or getting to know him.”
You thought for a moment. The idea was pretty simple, and a good one at that, though just thinking about it made your heart rate speed up. It wasn’t like you had never been one on one with Jean, but now, with all of your thoughts being scrambled like eggs, it was slightly overwhelming. But when it came down to it, you wanted to sort it all out. If you could set your mind straight, and get rid of these terrible thoughts about Jean, you could get back on track for school.
“You’re right, I’ll definitely try that.” You let out a small breath of air and turned back to Marco. “Thanks, I’m glad you’re here.”
“What would you do without me? And don’t worry— I won’t say anything to anyone. my lips are sealed” He smiled, hand coming up to his mouth to mime a zipper motion.
“Okay, good. Unless you want to end up like the douche from earlier, I wouldn’t recommend telling a soul.” 
He gave a laugh before gathering some of his things to go and take a shower, leaving you alone once more. You eventually drifted off to sleep, and surprisingly, you didn’t wake up once.
The next day, you only had one class, and once that was over, you had gone to the library to study, needing to get work done for a few of your other classes. It was a nice change in pace from the day you had yesterday. It wasn’t super crowded, either, which meant you could focus on your work in peace. 
Though, it didn’t last long, as two new faces joined your table. You looked up, almost expecting to see Jean and Connie, or Marco and Sasha, but to your surprise, it was Eren and Armin. 
“I hope you don’t mind us joining you!” Armin smiles, though something in his eyes tells you that he didn’t pick your table without a reason. 
“Uh, no that’s okay.” 
He and Eren settled into two of the chairs, the latter of the two only pulling out his phone. Armin did the exact opposite. He took out two textbooks, a large notebook, and a handful of pens, pencils and markers. 
For the first five minutes or so, the three of you sat in silence. You worked on homework for a communications class, while armin was seemingly working on a paper for a psyche class. But when Eren suddenly scoffed at his phone, you stopped what you were doing to look up at him, questioning his action. 
He in turn looked at you, maybe even through you. “So, turns out, someone gave Forrester a nasty bruise yesterday. He wont say who, so i’m thinking he got his ass kicked and just doesn’t want to admit it.” 
You feigned ignorance, giving Eren a blank stare, “I’m not really sure who that is, but sounds like a tough time for him.”
Eren regarded you for a moment, but it wasn’t his stare that bothered you. You now had Armin’s attention, as if he wanted to ask a question. Or, make a comment on what you said. But instead he said, “Well, I’m not the one to really get into these things, but Floch does like to cause problems for himself, so maybe he deserved it?” 
You nodded along, not wanting to give Eren any more information. With him, rumors tended to get out of hand quickly, and you really did not want to be the talk of the school over an altercation with Floch. To everyone in the school, you were pretty much some nobody, and frankly, you weren’t upset at the idea. If it meant less trouble for you, it was going to be something you’d stay okay with.
“Well he’s been bitching about it all day. It’s starting to get on my nerves.” Eren flipped his phone over, leaning back in his chair as he did. 
“Does he expect you to do something about it?” You asked, still trying to keep a low profile, while also trying to pry more information out of him.
“I’m sure thats what he wants, but I’m not going to help him with that, Floch can fight his own battles.”
A thick silence descended over your table. You took it as a sign that you could continue working on your homework. The one for your comms class wasn’t due until tomorrow, but you really wanted to finish it. 
This had always really been how you did things. You tried to finish things early, study as soon as possible, take as much time to get your work done as possible. And you weren’t the only one. Armin had also gone back to his work, and though you weren’t sure when it was due for him, but it wouldn’t be surprising if it was due at the end of the week or so.
You weren’t all that close with Armin, but the two of you had taken the time to study with eachother for the one class that you did share, and you had even reached out once to ask if he would tutor you for a few sessions, needing help with your math at the time. It was a nice thought to know that you weren’t the only student to stray from the eyes of their peers.
Though he had a harder time with it, being best friends with Eren and all. Not to mention he was also friends with Mikasa Ackerman, who was arguably the girl who drew most people’s attention. 
Before you knew it, two hours had passed, and you felt your phone buzz. You picked it up from the table, squinting your eyes at the bright screen. It was Jean.
“Hey, why are you with Armin, and that idiot.”
At this, you paused, looking around the library, not seeing Jean. 
“Where are you?” you replied.
After a minute or two, your phone buzzed again.
“Come and find me.” 
And that was it. He didn’t send any other messages, even after you sent him two more, questioning him again. You frowned, then looked to your things. You had been working for awhile, so getting up and moving might not be the worst thing. You proceeded to pack everything that you had pulled out earlier, and stood from your chair, looking to the other two.
“I think I’m going to head out. Let’s meet up again later in the week to work on Professor Hange’s assignment.”
Armin glanced up, and smiled, “Okay! How about Thursday? I can show you what all I’ve finished!”
“Sounds good.” You gave a short wave, and turned away from the table, scanning the surrounding areas before setting off in a random direction. 
There were a few more tables behind some of the bookshelves, but none of the students sitting at them were Jean. You checked out the library’s computer section next, and kept looking until you ended up near Armin and Eren again. Another frown crossed your face, until you heard a muffled laugh. 
With the new hint, you looked upwards to the second floor. And there he was, leaning against the railing, smirking down at you. You felt your face heat up in what you were going to call embarrassment, and definitely not any other word that had to do with your complicated thoughts on him, and how from where you stood, he looked almost handsome. 
You sent a halfhearted glare his way and headed up the stairs, making your way over to him, about to comment on his antics, but you weren’t able to get a word out before he could make fun of you. 
“You looked really dumb running around trying to find me.”
You gave an astonished laugh, “Yeah, well you sounded like a complete stalker just now.”
“And you still came to find me. I’m starting to think you like me more than you let on.” 
The unsettling feeling returned to your stomach at his words, though you weren’t surprised that he was poking fun at you after yesterdays game. “In your dreams.” You crossed your arms over your chest, trying to ease the increasing amount of uneasiness that was slowly taking ahold of you. 
“Hm, I guess that’s true. Does that mean you want me to dream about it?” He looked at you contently, despite all of what he said being the brashest thing you had heard from him yet.
You didn’t say anything to that, instead you changed the subject quickly. “To answer your question about who I was with, I actually didn’t plan on sitting with them. Armin and Eren joined me.”
He gave a slow nod, and peered back at the table down below, where the two were still sitting, “Do you think I could spit on Eren from here?”
“No, and I dont think you should even try.” 
“Buzzkill.”
You scoffed, “I am not a buzzkill. You are just in the middle of some pointless battle of being better than each other.”
Jean looked back to you, staring at you for a moment. Then back down at Eren. “I just don’t get what everyone sees in that guy. He’s clearly an egotistical bastard with no regards to anyone else.”
“Do you think that you guys have anything in common in the fact that you both have ridiculously large egos?”
“Don’t lump me in with him.” This he said more seriously, “Anyways, enough about him, do you want to go do something?”
“Like what?”
He shrugged, and started for the stairs. You followed him wordlessly, and the two of you left the library, now back outside where a light breeze met you. The silence continued to hang over you two as you walked aimlessly in a random direction. You couldn’t tell if he was still thinking about your comment on him and Eren, or something else completely. You decided against asking him about it, and instead found a different topic. 
“Hey so, I found this art exhibit at the museum, it’s about the book Hange assigned us. I was thinking that we could go and check it out and see if we can find anything useful?”
He thought for a moment, eyes wandering the path ahead. “Okay, it doesn’t sound like the worst way to spend an afternoon.”
“Would eleven in the morning on Friday or Saturday be okay?”
“Friday works better for me, I think I’ve got plans with Connie on Satuday.” 
“Okay, Friday it is.” You paused, a smile slowly making it’s way onto your face, “Just make sure to be on time. I wont wait for you this time.”
“Hey! I already apologized for that.” He stopped in place, giving you a pointed look.
You stopped a few feet in front of him, shrugging as you continued to speak, “I need to cover all the bases. I am not going to wait around for you, just for you to tell me that you were hungover.”
“I am not going to be hungover again. I’m not going to make you wait, I swear.”
“You better not, I won’t be as forgiving this time.” You go to move past him, elbowing him as you do. 
He turns on his heel to catch up with you, giving you a slight push at the same time, “You were hardly forgiving last time. You were mad the entire time we were working on the assignment,” Jean pauses, taking a moment to look at the path that you had set off on, “Wait, where are we even going?”
You glanced over to him, then back infront of you. “Well, I’ve done nothing but school work today, and you didn’t mention anything specific other than ‘go do something’ and last time you picked where we went, so now its my turn.”
“Are you going to tell me where we are heading at least?”
“No.” You smiled a little at the statement, remembering how you had done the same thing to him when he had asked about you caring so much about seeing the stars. Looking back over to Jean, who was staring straight ahead, you took a moment to really look at him.
He was pretty tall, and when he wasn’t smiling like some sort of evil bastard, he had a pretty nasty resting bitch face, a combination that probably scared anyone who didn’t know him. Though, you could say that despite all that, he had a few attractive features to him. When he was smiling, actually smiling that is, his eyes lit up. You hadn’t noticed it much before, but now when you thought back on the past few days of being around him, you could see the way his eyes would hold a certain softness.  And when he was thinking, he tended to frown, scrunching up his nose until he came to whatever conclusion he needed. And when the two of you were in the field the other evening, he had an almost blissful aura to him, as if he had no cares in the world, you wouldn't ever guess that he was someone who caused so much trouble. Honestly it was probably a good thing that he had a difficult personality. If his ego was bad now, you don't want to know what he'd be like if he knew all of this about himself.
You looked away before he could catch you staring, and before you gave yourself any more time to think about him, not wanting to let yourself actually fall for the guy. 
Instead you focused on finding your way to today's randomized destination. If you were being honest, you hadn't actually thought of somewhere to go, and frankly, with how little you actually went out, you didn't know too many spots around campus. Regardless, you continued to lead the way, until an idea formed in your head. 
Earlier in the year, you had gotten a tad bit lost while trying to find a class, and ended up on the edge of your campus, where you stumbled on an old tree. Aside from the size of the thing, it seemed completely normal. But when you had looked further at it, there was something of a hidey hole in its backside. Since discovering it, you had made countless trips to the tree, using it as a place to get away from the school. You definitely weren't the first person to discover it, but it seemed like no one else ever really visited the old thing. 
As you and Jean came upon the tree, he gave a low whistle, craning his head back to take in it's height, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you just took me to a make out spot," 
You threw a bewildered look at him, before shaking your head slowly, "Well, since you do know better, you should know that it's more likely that I've brought you to the best place on campus to hide a body."
He in turn shook his own head, "And here I thought we we're getting closer," 
"Closer to hiding your body?"
"Not quite what I was thinking…" he trailed off, taking a moment to circle around the tree, his hand trailing along the bark as he went, "so, what made you pick here? Other than premeditated murder."
As he came back around, you watched as he took the time to drop his bag at the ground by his feet, kneeling down next to it for a moment, searching its contents. 
"Hm, I'm not entirely sure. I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who ever comes here anymore." You pause, eyeballing what Jean was now holding in his hands, "It's kind of like a secret hideout minus the secret part, since anyone can stumble on this old tree." 
"And yet you brought me here…I'm starting to worry about my wellbeing," he chuckles, then takes a seat a few feet away from the tree. 
In his hands, he held a sketchbook. It looked a good few years old, as loose pages stuck out here and there, and the sheets were starting to yellow along the edges. You watched on quietly, as he flipped open to one of the last few pages, pausing as he glanced back at the tree. 
After a few moments you moved to stand just behind him, looking down at the page, which now held some sketch lines, resembling the tree just ahead of you.
You kept quiet for a bit, watching him quietly. He was lighthanded, it was as if any stray line within the whole piece would fly off the page and into the world around you. 
"You know you can sit and watch me draw too, right?"
"Yeah, and sit next to you? No thanks." You moved away from him, a slight flustered tone in your voice as you realized just how long you had been observing him. 
Instead, you took a seat at the base of the tree, opening your own bag, pulling out some more of your homework. Between the two of you, the only noises were the sounds of pencil on paper, and the occasional shifting of branches in the wind. 
You weren't really sure just how long things stayed that way. The only thing that brought your mind back to reality was the feeling of being stared at. 
"Need something?" You asked, arching a quizzical eyebrow in Jean's direction.
He shook his head, closing his sketchbook quietly, "Not at all. I was just wondering how much homework you were going to do before you got bored of being such a studious person." 
You scoffed at him. He was teasing you for this again? 
"Well, unlike some people, I need to pass all my classes so I can get the hell out of here." 
"You hate it here that much?" 
You paused, a lump forming in your throat. How were you even supposed to answer that question? All in all, this small town was horrible, and had been that way your entire life. Growing up you didn't have very many friends, and your family was fairly distant to you. You had shouldered all of your problems and responsibilities by yourself. Even now, in your college years it was hard to shake the feeling that you were still alone. 
You drew in a breath. "Sometimes, I sit by myself at my desk, and just stare at one of my notebooks until all the lines blur together. And then I realize that I'm crying. But what's funny about that is, I never know why I'm crying. " you start, bringing your eyes to his, "I never have the words to describe what i'm feeling in those moments. It's the same with how I feel about this place. I really don't know if I hate it, or if I'm just…projecting something else onto it." 
Jean stills with the information, until he takes a long breath in, "Art isn't much of a passion for me, as much as it is a hobby. I can't tell you how many half finished sketches I have. Sometimes I feel like I just don't have it in me to finish them, as if I'm scared of not knowing what I'm going to do next." 
He isn't talking about art. You know this from the way that Jean looks at you, not with pity, but with a hint of understanding. 
It was silent once again. Your brain turned over and over as you repeated his words in your head. Slowly, a wistful smile spread across your face. 
"You know Jean, you're not so bad after all." 
He stands up, shaking his head as he does, and makes his way over to you, holding out a hand for you to take, "I have my moments, I can't always be the charming asshole everyone says I am."
You hesitated for a moment, eyes flicking to his hand. Slender fingers and a wide palm, his hand looked soft, and the thought of holding it, even just for a moment, would be comforting. You took his hand, averting your gaze as he helped you to your feet. 
"I'm sure everyone leaves out the 'charming' part."
"That's where you're wrong, everyone thinks I'm charming."
"Everyone but me that is," you chirp back, letting your hands fall to your sides.
"You dont think I'm charming?" 
The churning sensation is back. You /wanted/ to say no, to tell him that he was annoying, loud-mouthed, and a pain in the ass, but somewhere in the time you'd known him, he had become annoyingly endearing, loudly funny, and a pain in the ass to ignore the thumping in your chest. 
"I can't say charming is the word I'd use to describe you. Horribly pleasant maybe, but not charming."
At this he smirks, starting to walk backwards away from you, "Oh so you think I'm pleasant? Hopefully in the way that I'm nice to look at." 
"You missed the word horrible," 
He waved off your comment, instead placing one hand on his chest, right over his heart, while reaching out the other hand towards you, "and yet, if I asked you to join me to a delicious five star dinner at my dorm, you'd still say yes." 
You could feel your face flush, knowing that he didn't mean anything more than just to hang out for a little bit longer, and not in some sort of lame date way, "I'd only come because it would be free food, even if the food is terrible. Like you." 
"So, that's a yes you'll be joining me for dinner? I've got…box mashed potatoes, frozen broccoli, and hopefully leftover seasoned chicken." 
You turned back to where you had left your things, a slightly messy sight. "Alright alright, I'll come, pick up your things and we can go." 
You knelt down next to your bag, trying to ignore the nervous shaking of your hands as you collected your things. Your mind raced with warring thoughts. How did this happen? How was it that Jean Kirstein of all people, had weaseled his way into being someone that you didn't fully hate? But, there was no way you were going to let him get in the way of school, and your plans to finally be free from this horrible town. But then part of you wondered, was it all one sided? Jean seemed to be the type to have all sorts of girls and guys fawning over him, even if he had only ever been open about one specific girl that he was interested in, which of course had been Mikasa. But you couldn't even blame him, she was out of everyone's league. How she seemed to be completely and obviously in love with Eren Jeager of all people was a mystery to you. 
"Hey, are you listening?" His voice stopped your thoughts in their tracks, as you hadn't even noticed that he had been speaking to you. 
"Now why would I be doing that?" You shouldered your bag, standing back up and facing him.
"We've been over this, because I'm charming- sorry, pleasant." 
"Again, you left out the horrible part." 
"I've got a feeling that you don't mean that, otherwise you'd just call me horrible." He turns halfway away from you, looking back to the general area of the school. 
You paused, walking up next to him, trying to ignore the fact that he was right, "You just have selective hearing." 
Jean eyed you while starting to head back to the dorms, a different and softer smile making its way onto his face, "Not when it comes to you." 
You nearly tripped over a stray rock, his words repeating in cycles in your head. You could only give him a glance, busying yourself with avoiding any other stones on the sidewalk. 
What did he mean by that? What did you want those words to mean? Your mind flashes back to your conversation with Marco. The feeling of your heart painfully pounding against your ribs surfaces. Your hands tremble ever so slightly while they grasp at the straps of your bag. Marco was right, and he hadn’t even said anything about you actually having feelings for Jean. 
As the thought hit, you spared another quick look towards him. He was looking at you. Careful eyes studying your demeanor. The way you walked. The way your eyes struggled to meet his. The way your mouth formed a tight line as you realized all of this was happening.
“Hey, if you really don’t want to try my cooking, you don’t have to come.” He let out a breath, running a hand through his hair for a moment. 
You looked away. You could turn him down, you could go home. It would be the easy way out. You could ignore any of his future attempts at hanging out. You could finish school and leave this place. Leave him and everyone else again. 
The thought of it made you shudder. In doing so, you would be condemning yourself to your worst self. Being alone. 
You looked back to Jean, his face morphed into one of concern, clearly puzzled as to why you were taking so long to answer. 
You were tired of being alone. Tired of pushing away your own happiness in pursuit of a future that wasn’t even set in stone. 
You flashed a smile his way, and waved off his words, “No way, you said it was a five star dinner. I can’t pass on that.”
He stared at you for a moment. Then, his confusion melted away, replaced by that famous cocky smile, “Okay good, I wasn’t sure what to do if you bailed on me.”
“Maybe you could have cooked for Connie too, light some candles, play some mood music, you know, make it all romantic for the two of you.” You chuckled, about to make another remark when Jean gave you a playful shove. 
“Why would you say that! I can’t have a romantic dinner with Connie of all people!” 
“Sure you can! It’s easy! Candles, music, food! All you need!” 
Jean groaned and shook his head. “You’re horrible.”
“Pleasant, actually.” You grinned. 
He hummed in response, and you could’ve swore you heard him mumble ‘horribly pleasant my ass’
His dorm room was warm, and set up similarly to yours. The same bland, small kitchen and the same questionable excuse for a couch just a few feet away. Three sets of doors that led to his roommates, and two bathrooms. 
One of the doors were open, and you caught a glimpse of Connie attempting to take mirror selfies. He would take one, bring the phone close to his face, frown and then try again. It wasn’t until his third or forth picture that he noticed you staring through the mirror. 
“Well if it isn’t our very own Rocky!” He grinned, hastily shoving his phone into the pocket of his sweats. 
“Hey Connie” you waved, then smirked a little, “I'm sure the ladies will love all of those selfies.” 
His face flushed slightly, and he stepped out of his small room, “For your information, the ladies already love seeing my handsome face. I was just taking a few more for-”
Jean cut him off, a bark of a laugh filling the room, “Like you can get a girl to think your ugly mug is anything worth looking at.” 
Connie gaped, “Dude, that’s just cold. I thought you liked my face.” 
You eyeballed the two, before turning to Jean and mouthing the words, ‘romantic dinner’ 
Jean glared halfheartedly, before a smile broke through, “and here I thought I was treating you to a five star, romantic dinner.” 
Connie was now the one looking between the two of you, unsure if Jean was being serious or not. You, on the other hand, could feel your face heat up. He had to be joking. Jean was making a joke based off of your joke. That was the only thing that would make sense at the moment. 
“Only if it involves candles and music.” You attempt to force your voice into sounding level, as if you weren’t sickeningly thrilled by the idea of your dinner with Jean being a little more than friendly. 
His head swivels around the room, scanning the small area before emitting a sigh of halfhearted defeat, “Might need a raincheck on that, I don't have any candles.” Jean pauses, thinking for a moment, “Unless you had your heart set on the romantic dinner with candles and music, maybe I can make something work.” He smirked in your direction, true to his usual cheeky self. 
You faced away from him, moving to set your backpack down on the floor by the door, “No candles, no deal.” You pause, practically feeling Connie’s wide eyed stare pointed at your back. 
“That’s not a no to having a more than friendly dinner, now is it?” Jean fires back, smiling in a not so innocent way. Your stomach twisted in knots. He wasn’t wrong. You had intentionally avoided his question, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of yet another person falling for his aggravating charm. 
You shrug a response, giving back another flippant response, “Sure, if it helps you sleep at night to think of it that way.” 
After a moment of silence, Connie’s voice fills the room. “Yeah so, I don’t really know whats going on here, but i’m gonna head out. Sasha is waiting for me with Marco.” He slides on a pair of shoes, grabs a bag and promptly leaves, but not before saying a goodbye, “See ya later Rocky, and Jean, I hope you choke on your food.”
To which, all Jean says is, “Yeah, whatever man.”
You watch him leave quietly, then turn back to face Jean, studying him for a moment. He hasn’t noticed your stares yet,  not when he’s busying himself with pulling out what he needed for this dinner supposedly high rated by Michelin themselves. 
Throughout the past year or so, you had noticed that when Jean was concentrating, he tended to screw up his face a little, eyebrows scrunched in, mouth quirked off to the side, usually whatever was in his hands was being toyed with. But right now, he was different. A content soft smile, and the look in his eyes was gentle. Fond. Domestic. 
“Do you need help with anything?” You asked, feeling the need to do something other than just stand around. 
Jean looked back up at you, bag of frozen broccoli in his hands. “Do you want to make the instant potatoes or the broccoli?” 
You walked to him, and grabbed the bag from him, “Where do you keep your pots and pans?”
“Planning on making this a fancy dinner?” He paused, taking a moment to grab out a small pot for you, and then a lid. “Are you steaming them?”
You set the bag down, then eyed the pot and lid, “Would you happen to have one of those steaming baskets? Or do I need to get creative?”
Jean smiled sheepishly, “I’ve got Connie for a roommate. If I was Niccolo I would definitely have one of those, therefore, you’ll have to get creative. But you’re pretty smart, so I believe in you.”
You nodded slowly. That made sense. Jean and Connie were in the same boat as Sasha, Marco and yourself. If you had done more planning for dinner you probably could have worked something else with Niccolo to borrow his cooking supplies. Though you were sure that the guy would say no, as he was pretty particular about his things. Oh well. You’d have to figure something else. 
The rest of the preparations went fine, and before you knew it, the two of you were sitting at a dingy table that each dorm room had, making small talk over left over chicken and mid-tier potatoes and broccoli. 
“Okay, so I’ll  bite. What’s your deal?” Jean asked suddenly, then his eyes went a little wide as he realized the wording of his question, “I mean! Uh…Well-”
You cut him off, easily able to tell what he meant, “Do you mean why do I have no life and only study and do my work alone?”
He melted under your gaze, before nodding slowly, “I meant it a little nicer though.”
“Its okay, I got what you meant…I think.” You set your fork down, suddenly scrutinizing a small crack in your plate. 
Jean cleared his throat a bit before speaking again, “It’s just that…you spend so much time studying, and it definitely pays off. I’ve heard from Sasha that you have really good grades. But…”
“But?”
“They worry about you. Sasha and Marco that is…and well, I kind of do too. At least, more now that I know you a little better.”
You don’t respond. He’s going somewhere with this. You can tell by the cadence of his voice, how he seems to be picking his words carefully.
“I think that even just in the past few days, you’ve opened  up a lot…I finally got to see you smile.” He paused, “I remember one time last year, in one of our shared classes, I went to see the professor, but you were already there, pleading with him for some extra credit. And when you came out, you look like you had been crying. The next day, I went out of my way to tell you a joke, hoping that maybe you’d smile.”
“I remember that. I told you that I was busy with a make up assignment and ignored you.” You hummed a little, thinking back to Jean back then. His hair was shorter, and he was even more obnoxious that he had been this year. It was one of the few times you had actually spoke to him at the time.
“So…I guess I was just wondering where all this pressure on you comes from?” He fidgets with something in his hands. Like when he’s focusing on his work. You’ve seen it countless times in the past, you just never thought about it until now.
With a sigh, you resign yourself to telling him a little bit about yourself, “I’ve lived here my whole life. And my whole life, I’ve basically been alone. Friends were hard to come by, especially after I decided that all I wanted to do was leave. So, with no one to hold me back, as long as I finish college strong, I can leave and go anywhere I want. I have to do this. Staying here is out of the question…” You trailed off, thinking about how you had never truly said these words out loud. 
“But?” He spoke softly, as if he could tell that you had been battling with yourself on what you truly wanted. He stared at you, not through you as most other people did. Your heart sped up. What were you supposed to say now? You had only started to question your aspirations because of him. And you absolutely would not be sharing that thought now. 
“But nothing. I meant what I said. I’m getting out of this hell and I’m not looking back. Ever.”  you spat the words out, a sudden low and hollow feeling settling in your stomach. What were you doing? A small voice in the back of your head answered that question for you. The same one that you let control most of your college days. You were wasting time, you had assignments to do and a degree to work towards. 
You moved to stand suddenly. “I have to go…I forgot that I’m supposed to meet with Armin tomorrow. I should really make sure that I’m ready to show him my part..and yours too.” You grabbed your backpack, and escaping out into the hall. 
You stood there quietly, chest moving up and down as you took in harsh breaths,  not entirely sure why you did all of that. With a shake of your head you made the journey back to your own dorm, not bothering to take off your shoes at the door like you normally did, instead you merely trudged into your room, tossing your bag onto the ground by your desk, and finding a seat on the edge of your bed. 
“Are you okay?” Your freckled friend spoke up, nearly giving you a heart attack in the process. You hadn’t even noticed that he was home.
You didn’t answer. Instead, tears began to fill your eyes. He was by your side in an instant, arms wrapping around you carefully. Muffled sobs wracked your body. With each one Marco only hugged you a little tighter. He let you cry until you were done. 
“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.” The words fell from your lips, and you couldn’t stop what came after them, “This whole time i’ve had one goal; to graduate with soaring grades, and to leave. Make as few friends as possible so that way I wouldn’t get distracted…and so that leaving would be easier.” 
“What changed then?” Marco asked, his voice soft and careful. You got the feeling that he already knew the answer.
“Jean. Jean crashed into my life and ruined my plans. I haven’t even really known him that long and suddenly I’m throwing away school just to hang out with him. I haven’t been studying the same way I used to, instead I’m playing volleyball with him, and he’s holding my hand as we run away. I’m sitting with him by that old tree and thinking about him instead of the words on my papers. I’m cooking with him and thinking about how muchI want to do it all again.” Your words are quiet, but Marco hears them all the same.
“You do know that those don’t have to be bad things, right?” He lets you go, taking a moment to scoot away ever so slightly, making you look up at his face, where a small smile rests, “It’s been nice to see you let loose. And I know that you’ve been enjoying yourself.”
You attempt to frown, “Thats not true.” 
A beat passes and you speak again, “Okay. Maybe a little…but I-”
“No. No buts. You are the hardest working person I know. You are smart and you always apply yourself to your work. You are doing amazing. It’s time that you see that for yourself. You will finish school, and you will be able to go out into the world and do whatever you want to do, but that doesn’t mean you have to wait to have any of that fun. You deserve to enjoy your life, the one right now in the present that you are living, okay?”
His words played on repeat in your mind a few times, you tried to interalize them, make them into your own instead of letting that voice shoo them away. 
“Okay.” You nodded, then brought a hand up to your face, covering your mouth for a moment, “I left Jean.”
“What?”
“We were eating dinner and talking and then I got upset and I just…I just left. “
Marco pursed his lips, nodding slightly as he tried to imagine the scene. Jean sitting alone at his table, probably confused and wondering what he did wrong. “Well…theres only so much you can do about that, which I suggest texting him. Let him know that you’re alright, and just so that the poor guy doesn’t overthink, that he didn’t cause you to run off.”
You nodded, “Right. Okay. I can do that.”
It grew quiet between you and Marco, though it didn’t last very long. There was a light tone in his voice, one he used when he wanted to tease someone without making them aware of it, though you had learned to recognize it fairly well. 
“So, I’m assuming that you like Jean…at least a little bit.”
“Okay. Get off my bed. This moment is over.” You push him gently, facing away from Marco. 
“Are you going to tell him?”
“Oh would you look at the time? I should really head to bed, okay goodnight Marco, get off my bed.”
He laughed, and did as you said, letting you have the room so you could change, “goodnight lovebird.”
Ignoring him as best as you could, you changed quickly, and crawled right back into your bed, under the safety of your comforter.  Once there, you pulled out your phone, fingers trembling as you brought up the chat with Jean.
You stared at it for a moment. The last messages were from earlier this day. He hadn’t said anything since then. 
Slowly you typed out an apology. “Hey Jean, I’m really sorry for just bailing earlier. Super not cool of me.”
You groaned at the words, quickly backspacing and starting again. “Sorry about earlier, I didn’t mean to just leave you there. I promise things are fine. It wasn’t you, or the food for that matter.” 
You hit send, not giving yourself time to overthink the text any longer. 
Fairly quick after your message had been sent, Jean had already replied. “Its okay! You had me worried for a minute there. Thought maybe the food tasted so bad that you just had to leave to get an actual five star dinner.”
He was being courteous. Trying to keep the conversation light as to not scare you off again. 
Your fingers flew across the keyboard once more, “Let me make it up to you. Friday, 11am, at the museum.”
“You really don’t have to make anything up to me, I get it.”
“Jean. Just let me feel bad and try to make it up. Or else I will think about this all night.”
His next message wasn’t exactly what you thought he’d say…or actually, it was exactly what he would say, “Oh, so if I don’t let you have your way, you will be up all night…thinking about me?”
“No.” You hit send. Then sent another message, “Ykw nevermind. I’m not sorry. Be on time friday or else.”
He was quick to shoot back another response, “Okay fine. Make it up to me.”
Then another message, “How do you plan on doing that anyways?”
“You’ll see. Be patient.”
It wasn’t long after that did you eventually fall asleep. The next day was pretty uneventful. Your meeting with Armin was fine, as the guy already had about half of the presentation outline done, and with all of the information and other necessary work that you had gathered, Armin would most likely have the whole thing done by the time he went to bed that night. 
The rest of the day passed quickly, almost too quickly for your liking. Before you knew it, your alarm was going off, signalling that it was ten twenty-five in the morning. 
You had spent some time the day before thinking of how to make up for ditching Jean the other night, and finally settled on an idea. Said idea was currently sitting on your desk, inside a plastic bag. 
You gave it a quick look before climbing out of your bed, moving to your dresser to get ready for the day. 
You had just thrown on your shoes, sparing a glance at your phone to the time. It was eleven. You were going to be late. Of course after all that talk to Jean about being on time, you were going to be running behind this time. You could only imagine what he would have to say about it.
You hurriedly grabbed the bag from your desk, and shoved your phone into you pocket after sending yet another apology to Jean. 
The trip to the museum took about twenty minutes with public transport. It was eleven twenty-three and you had finally made it to the museum doors. 
Jean was standing just to the right of them, staring down at his phone, his back to you. You watched as he brought his phone to his ear, and smiled slightly as your phone buzzed in your pocket. 
You let it ring. Walking up and tapping his shoulder a few times. “Sorry I’m late.”
He spun around, eyes landing on your form. His mouth hung up for a moment before he hung up the phone call, “Is this to get back at me for the other day?”
“No…I just slept past my first alarm.”
“Oh so when you’re late its okay but when I’m late its the worst thing ever.”
You shrugged slightly, “I at least texted you in advance.” You paused, then remembered the bag you were holding, “Oh…um. I got you this. To make up for bailing.”
He eyed the bag suspiciously, “I thought I told you not to worry about it.”
“I worried about it. Now just say thanks and take the bag from me.” You rushed the words out, holding it out to him, “No refunds so you have to keep it.”
His fingers deftly took the plastic handles from you, and reached inside the bag. You watched quietly as he lifted the gift out, eyes softening as he realized what it was. 
“You bought me a new sketchbook?” He hummed a little, looking at the cover for a few moments, “This is a really nice brand too. I’ve always wanted to try it out.”
“Your other one looked a little full the other day…so I figured I could afford a nice one to say that I’m sorry. “
Jean let the sketchbook slide back into the bag, “Well…thank you. I really appreciate this.” He toed something on the ground, eyes unable to find yours. 
You instead took this moment to find the exhibit tickets on your phone, nudging him slightly, “Let’s get going, there’s a couple of pieces I think we should look at specifically.”
Once inside, you took a few moments to study the map of the place, trying to figure out which hall you needed to go to, before Jean took your hand in his, face a little flushed as he did so. 
“I come here pretty often, most of the new exhibits are near the back on the first floor.” He said, pulling you along with him. 
It wasn’t too crowded, and as most museums were, it was quiet. A nice solitude for those who liked to hide away from the world, and find new ones in the art and historical pieces sheltered there.
When the both of you made it to the exhibit, you found that you were the only ones there. Meaning that you could stare at the art as long as you needed. Which you did. Slowly you let Jean’s hand slip from yours.
You hadn’t thought about seeing the art in real life, and how much it would effect you. Entrap you in every single paint stroke, every single carving of marble. It was beautiful. Clearly the story that was assigned to you had meant a lot the various artists. 
You found Jean staring at a drawing. It was mostly in charcoal, though some color had been added here and there, giving the piece whimsical dimension. It looked to be a tree. A large, barren tree in a valley of never ending sand. From the branches, blue and green spilled out across the paper, spanning what would be the sky. 
“You like this one?” You asked with a hush, not wanting to startle him. 
He nodded, “It’s simple, but I just know that the artist put a lot of work into it. Every line is purposeful. And we will never truly know what it means.” He responded, eyes traveling down to the plaque, where it read the piece’s title, “Paths.” With an unnamed author. 
You let him look at the drawing for as long as he needed. You wandered to a sculpture on display a few steps to the right. It seemed to be one of the titans depicted in the story. Creme colored marble in the form of a woman, skeletal mouth open in what the book claimed to be a war cry. There were ribs formed around her abdomen. Her hand outstretched towards the open air. From this perspective, despite the lack of facial features, the statue almost looked sad. A women with an extraordinary ability, forced to use it for harm, all because she was in love with the wrong person. At least, that’s what you wanted to think.  You were sure that others in your class thought the opposite. Which of course was exactly what your analysis was going to focus on. 
You studied it for a few more moments, before looking away, finding Jean now standing across the room, in front of another painting. You moved to stand next to him, looking at what held his attention.
It was of a starry night sky, bathed in dark blues and purples. Underneath, was a lone pig in a field, head faced towards the grass. 
“This is what started the book, right?” You asked, watching as he nodded once.
“But that’s not what i’m thinking about.”
“Then what’s going on in your mind?”
Jean looked back to you, smiling sideways, “Why did you wait the other night, at the field? I figured that you were waiting for a star, but why?”
You brought your eyes back to the painting, looking from the dark green grass, to the pig that was grazing on it peacefully, then to a star painted to be the brightest one there. 
“When I was younger, I used to stand outside, or at my window, and just wait. As soon as I saw the first star of the night, I made a wish on it.” You paused, thinking back on your childhood, “I used to wish for a friend, or someone more than that. I was pretty lonely as a kid. Eventually I started wishing for a future other than that…and then, I stopped wishing. I still would wait for the star, but I made sure that I wasn’t relying on a ball of gas in the sky to make my wishes come true.”
“I’d say that they came true then.” Jean turned his body to face yours, looking down towards you, some thought dancing in his eyes.
You mimicked his motion, allowing yourself to face him fully, “And what makes you say that?”
“You’ve made two whole friends.” 
“I’ve made three.” You corrected him softly, thinking back to your first conversation about it with him, “Sasha and Marco are very nice people who I like a lot.” You state matter of factly.
He chuckles, shaking his head. “And the third? Don’t tell me it’s Floch…or even worse, Eren.”
“Mmm close. It’s you.” 
He places a hand to his heart, dramatic words escaping him, “How long have I waited for you to realize that you and I are friends.”
“You’re still horribly pleasant.” You remark, shaking your head, “Maybe I should take it back about being friends.”
“Too late, you already said it. No refunds.” He drew closer to you, enough to where you could feel his warmth. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Isn’t that technically already a question?” You pause, then nod to him, “But, yeah, go for it.”
“When you graduate, and leave this town. Will you forget about your friends?”
You hesitate. You knew that he wasn’t really asking about Marco or Sasha. You can feel your stomach flip over a few times, that annoying feeling of nervousness that came whenever you thought about Jean.
“No. I wont. How could I?” Your words seem to have some sort of effect on Jean, as he dodesn’t speak. You continue, trying to pick your words carefully, “When it comes to you, specifically you…I would have one hell of a time forgetting you, Jean.”
“I am pretty cool…” He mumbles, then swallows his pride, “But, what if I don’t want you to remember me?” 
You tilt your head to the side, giving him a confused look, but still allowing him to continue.
“I just mean…what if I want to be remembered as not just a friend. As more than that?” 
He locks eyes with you, his face serious as he waits for you to say something, to say anything really. 
You swear that your heart stops beating altogether. It wasn’t one sided. You thought back to your conversation with Marco from two nights before. You deserved this. Deserved to enjoy yourself. To let yourself live a little. 
“I think i’d like that.” You smile warmly, “Because I like you Jean. I tried really hard not to, but I do. And maybe, just maybe I don’t want to look back on college and only remember you as a friend.” You pause, taking in a small breath and willed yourself to finish your thought, “Maybe, after I graduate, we both can look back on the time. Together.”
“So, you don’t want to skip town and never look back?” he asks
“Skip town? Still do, but I can’t afford to ignore my time here.” 
“What if I came with you when you leave.” it’s less of a question, and more of an idea.
“Let’s just get to graduation first, Jean.”
He lets out a breathy laugh, nodding as he does, “Got ahead of myself there. But I have one more question.”
You study him for a moment, just as you had been studying the rest of the art in the museum. “You know, you were only supposed to ask one question anyways.”
“Last one, I promise.” 
“Okay, okay, what is it?”
“Can I kiss you?”
You’re suddenly all too aware of the small gap in your bodies, and his baited breath, and the sensation in your stomach that feels less like churning water and more like butterflies floating around blooming flowers. You hardly hear yourself tell him yes. 
The stiffness leaves Jean’s body, and he brings his hand free from the plastic bag up to your face, cupping your cheek lightly. His hand is warm, but not as warm as your flushed face is. His thumb moves back and forth slightly as he pulls you to him. His lips are soft, and you can feel his lashes flutter against your cheek. You easily find it in you to move in sync with him, allowing yourself to lean into the kiss, a small smile finding its way onto your face. 
He lets you pull away first. And for a moment all the two of you can do is stand there. You’re sure that you could stand there all day with him. 
You let him speak first. 
“So, am I still horrible?”
“Horribly, yet pleasantly charming. Yes.”
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athene-owl · 10 months ago
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Dream Video Followup
OK, I know I said I was done but, after a sleep and some more thinking about the video, there are a few things I really want to add before I can never talk about this guy or his fanbase ever again.
This is the one thing I'm kicking myself for not pointing out - the Pastebin stuff. So, in the description, Dream has 3 links to Pastebin posts. The first is a statement allegedly from Jamie, the second is a statement allegedly from an anonymous person in one of the burner account screenshots, and the third is for some reason a statement by an employee behind the whole Dream USB armband thing????
OK so I'm gonna go into the third statement first before getting into the other 2 more serious posts - this statement about the baby photo discourse is quite literally a short statement from a random employee of Dream's merch company saying he doesn't believe the allegations because he doesn't think there's enough facts. He doesn't even mention the baby photos which I don't think people even really cared about. I have no idea why this of all things was included but also cannot take any stock in this because this guy 1. Would have no insight into Dream's private behavior and 2. Would financially be VERY inclined to back up Dream. While researching for this I found out there's rumors of Dream's company being unethical or something? I am not getting into that can of worms my god. Here, I'll put the entire quote below to show you how ridiculous this is, yes this is the entire thing.
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As for the other 2 statements, I'm just gonna say this - as far as I can tell, there is no evidence these statements are legit. In the prelude to the 'Jamie' statement, Dream tries to address this and explains that 'Jamie' wants privacy and how in private he can verify their identity. If you wanna give him the benefit of the doubt, this makes sense to me personally given my current knowledge on the situation. BUT I won't say I'm inclined the do so esp given his history and the stakes of the situation. It'll be enough for stans and will probs make him look respectful and noble for 'protecting' her but it just flat out is not convincing evidence to me. This statement is not the slam dunk people are treating it as, if it is genuine then I am sorry for Jamie for being dragged into all of this and that's all I'll say. This is speculative but I need to mention it - even if this is Jamie, this is not 100% conclusive. If she's afraid of public backlash, if she's afraid of Dream, if she never wanted this revealed, then I think she would understandably just want to say nothing happened and for people to leave her alone. We don't have a clear way of knowing. Given how much Dream bemoans fake evidence in his video, given how much he lambasts people for not fact-checking, this is a huge issue with his evidence and I am not convinced by this personally. This is also all true for the second statement from the anonymous Discord user too.
A lot of the things Dream seemingly proves don't actually matter. With the photo at the police station, Dream got his team of lawyers to use this single photo to find out the exact station so they could contact them. They seemingly succeeded at this and found absolutely no records of Dream being reported for anything. I get the feeling this is the piece of evidence Dream is proudest of and that is impressing a lot of people. Doesn't it look really convincing and impressive that Dream's lawyers went through all this trouble, sent emails, made calls - all to find no report against him? It is impressive, but it doesn't prove as much as people are acting like it does. If anything, the photo being connected to a real station proves that Amanda did at least go to the police, since this wasn't a stock photo or anything. And while I'm no legal expert and am happy for someone to correct me, you absolutely can go to the police, talk to them about something, but choose not to report it. I don't think its impossible that Amanda went to a police station, consulted them on the situation without dropping names or wanting to file a report, and then left. This evidence proves no one has reported Dream and his records are clear NOT that he did nothing. He offers 2 answers - 1. That she was lying about intending to report him which he then leads into 'why wouldn't she be lying about everything' (lots of issues with this reasoning but whatever) and 2. She told the police her story but it didn't meet the standard of proof AKA it wasn't even seen as worth filing a report on by the police. But there's a third option - she backed out due to one of the countless reasons these crimes go unreported. I'm seeing so many people treat this as conclusive evidence, proudly supporting the idea that a woman not reporting her abuse makes her a liar. As if its unreasonable for a woman to plan to report, go to the police, but then change her mind. Really disgusting ideas are being spread and popularized by this video and men online are eating it up.
He also tells Amanda to check her mailbox - he has identified her, found her address and sent something to her, I'm guessing some sort of legal notice. This makes me incredibly uneasy. All I'll say is this - if I was groomed by someone like Dream, with his resources and stans and success, I wouldn't report it.
Small thing but at 1:14:35 he mentions how people thought he admitted to the moaning audio being him because he called it "essentially unsubstantiated "revenge porn"" - people thought him calling it 'revenge porn' was him admitting to it being real while he insists he meant it was fake but being passed around like it was him. And I just need to say that he really should've just flat out denied it was him, just say 'that audio is not me' and this whole confusion could've been avoided.
At 1:17:42, when Dream is discussing 'false allegations' he specifically mentions that it is a current 'trend' in the Minecraft community but assures the audience it will grow and spread to other communities. Really hate how that's gonna be cited as proof of victims being fake from now on, I really must ask why Dream had to speak beyond his own situation and make wider claims about this shit because I am fucking fed up. I need random internet men to STOP positioning themselves as experts of complex issues of rape culture right now. I also have seen a lot of big Youtuber men take Dream's side in this and support this message and yeah this will make things moving forward a fucking nightmare. I want people to at least consider how hypothetical hidden abusers in an online community would react to Dream's insistence on 'false allegations' being a popular trend OK? Again, women are statistically far, far, far more likely to face sexual violence from men then men are to EVER be falsely accused so please keep this in mind and do not let your guard down because I guarantee this will have wide reaching consequences!!!! Remember how many celebrity men started suing their abuse victims after what that shithead did to Amber Heard? Yeah.
I never watched the DSMP, Dream's content, any of his Minecraft friends' content, nothing, so I have no context for the bits where he talks about those topics. I've seen people saying there's a ton to that whole side of things, a lot of complex and interpersonal drama so I wanted to mention that he does briefly talk about it if you're interested.
Even from an outside, casual perspective as someone who doesn't follow the Dream stuff closely, my friends and I know of some controversies he didn't mention and I just wanted to point that out. I'm not even saying these things are true/damning for Dream BUT these are all well-known things that he really should've addressed in a video that took over a year to make (this is not a comprehensive list, I'm sure there's more because this man is in drama every week). And before you say that he wanted to focus on the 'serious stuff' - he decided to address the speedrunning stuff, an AI video of him sucking his own dick, 10 minutes on Nick Cantu, and interviews with both his mother and an Uber driver he met once where they both wholesomely recount how funny and honorable Dream is. Anyway, here are the points:
His whole image/persona was taken from Cryaotic, a sexual predator
Him apparently supporting Trump
The drama he had with his SMP - he does briefly mention the QSMP thing but even I know there was a lot more to say on this
People in the DSMP being bigots, Dream was in charge of the whole thing and should've explained why he allowed this
Dream making sexual jokes and comments about underage friends of his (there's a whole Youtube compilation of this and it's weird as fuck)
The whole Pride month donation debacle
Dream's own bigotry towards various marginalized groups
His fans mass doxxing of multiple people - the most infamous being of Twitter user @/faerieluv, a black person who had a welfare check called on them by Dream stans for criticising him? Where they live, 'welfare checks' had resulted in black people being murdered by police before, their ADHD medication was questioned - their life was in danger due to his stans and as far as I can tell Dream has never acknowledged this. Unfortunately, it seems they have left Twitter but I don't have an account so its hard to verify. Also, I previously said they were a woman but that's not clear now so I apologize.
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jasper-the-menace · 5 months ago
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Jasper's Barely-Hinged Discord Scorpion Rant
Alright, context, I started this rant because I was mad about how the tlincallis (of Dungeons and Dragons second and fifth edition) were designed and handled. I put my foot down at the point where they were reported to have eggs. No, I refuse to accept this.
PLEASE NOTE! While I will not be showing any actual images of real-life scorpions, there will be drawings of them and drawings of fantasy and sci-fi characters inspired by scorpions. Some of them are even weirder-looking than actual scorpions. Fellow arachnophobes, continue at your own risk.
We are also going to be talking about scorpion sex in the context of how they mate and launch babies out. This is my second Tumblr post on the subject and I'm afraid that this might become a repeating pattern. Everyone on Tumblr thinks I'm the scorpion person now.
With that said, have this barely-edited compilation of my feral Discord messages on the subject.
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You can tell someone who doesn’t know a lot about scorpions wrote the lore for the tlincallis because there’s a heavy emphasis on egg-laying for their reproduction. Meanwhile, scorpions are one of the only arachnids that give live birth.
I’m not expecting WOTC writers to watch videos of scorpions molting or launching baby missiles over and over again, but I am expecting them to at least skim the Wikipedia article, ya know? I understand that I’m Scorpion Research Georg, but still.
Scorpions fuck weird. Both “sexes” have the same thing - an orfice known as the genital operculum (plural: genital opercula). In order to reproduce, the male will drop a sperm packet on the ground and “dance” with the female to lead her over it. If she’s game, she’ll squat and just kind of vacuum it up into her genital operculum. This is followed by what is called a “mating plug” to keep the sperm inside. The two scorpions will then split away from each other, because scorpions don’t believe in cuddles and aftercare.
Then we get to the actual birth. Or as I like to call it, the Fedex packages.
A scorpion will give birth to between 3 and 100 young, depending on the species - though notably, the size of the scorpion does not impact the number of babies they can have.
The babies are folded up very nicely inside of the mother, and when she gives birth to them, they launch out like little missiles into her waiting pedipalps and front legs, unfold, and then climb onto or are placed onto her back while their next sibling is launched. A mother scorpion is actually a super good parent, and the entire brood will attach to her with little suckers on their tarsi, because they can’t eat or sting yet.
Depending on the species, it will take between 5 and 25 days for them to undergo their first molt - in unison as a brood, taking between 6 and 8 hours - and reach the juvenile stage. Juveniles resemble small versions of the adults and can eat and sting, though they’re still soft and unpigmented. They’ll leave the mother’s back to explore in safety, but then scurry back to her if there’s danger around. Once their carapace hardens and gains color, they can start hunting on their own and will often leave their mother.
A scorpion will undergo an average of 6 molts to reach full adulthood, which, depending on the species, can take between 6 months and nearly 7 years. The average lifespan depends on the species, with some living up to 25 years.
Re: the biological terms I used, here’s a picture and explanation from the Wikipedia article:
1 = Cephalothorax or Prosoma; 2 = Preabdomen or Mesosoma; 3 = Tail or Metasoma; 4 = Claws or Pedipalps; 5 = Legs; 6 = Mouth parts or Chelicerae; 7 = Pincers or Chelae; 8 = Moveable claw or Tarsus; 9 = Fixed claw or Manus; 10 = Stinger or Aculeus; 11 = Telson (anus in previous joint); 12 = Opening of book lungs
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Post-coitus cannibalism has never been reliably reported in scorpions.
Scorpions are also kinky fuckers but no one’s ready for that conversation.
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So, I will give this much to WOTC writers regarding the tlincallis - most species of scorpions do actively hunt their prey. (Though there are several species that are just sit-and-wait predators.) They are also opportunistic hunters, eating primarily invertebrates but occasionally also going for things like lizards, snakes, and small mammals, though scorpions with larger claws will also go after earthworms and mollusks.
What I will not give them credit for is the method of hunting. A scorpion’s primary hunting tool is its claws. Only large and aggressive prey is given a sting - the method of death is still typically via claw, even in that case.
They also don’t chew. They rip off pieces of their prey and put those pieces in a pre-oral cavity, which uses digestive juices from the gut to start the digestion process. Once it’s liquid enough, it gets sucked right into the gut. Any indigestible matter is ejected at this stage.
They do have an anus separate from the genital operculum, and it runs up into the tail. Scorpions will eat a large amount of food in one meal, and when this is combined with their low metabolic rate and relatively inactive lifestyle, it means that they can survive for 6 to 12 months without starvation.
So no, Wizards Of The Coast, a band of scorpion people would NOT be migratory by compulsion, even if they were aggressive.
And yeah, scorpions are mainly found in deserts, but that’s so limiting. They’ve adapted to nearly every sort of biome and appear all across the world, except in Antartica. So you can literally put them anywhere.
The scorpion is found in Greek mythology (Artemis or Gaia sending it to kill Orion) along with in a page of the Anglo-Saxon Herbal.
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Despite the scorpion’s usage in myths, stories, and weapons of war, very few of them are actually capable of killing a human (barring allergy). 25 species out of more than 2,500 have venom deadly to humans. Most of, if not all of these, belong to the family Buthidae, which is the largest family.
Now it’s time for “Jasper analyzes scorpions from different media”! I’ve already dragged the tlincalli for filth, so we’ll pivot to look at another WOTC media: Magic The Gathering.
Scorpions don’t get a lot of rep. At best, they appear as one-off cards. However. Thanks to vising two primarily-desert planes (Amonkhet and the Vorthos-panned Thunder Junction), we have some Guys.
We’ll start with the Scorpion God of Amonkhet. This guy did not used to look like this, but once Nicol Bolas got all up in everybody’s business, he twisted the Scorpion God, Locust God, and Scarab God into giant monstrosities and erased knowledge of their names, even from themselves, and then used them to “harvest” the mortals he had been cultivating to create an undead army. The Scorpion God killed the gods Rhonas, Oketra, and Kefnet, before finally being killed by Hazoret and a group of rebelling mortals.
He is notably the only one of the “twisted” gods to have been killed – the Locust and Scarab Gods both survived, as did Hazoret, and all three defended Amonkhet later from New Phyrexia getting all up in everyone’s business.
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(Re: that third artwork, why is he kinda...)
Meanwhile, on Thunder Junction...
Oh, Thunder Junction. If not for the fact that no one in the design and writing department could agree on and work together to determine the right approach to Western tropes, you could have been interesting.
Having said that, the scorpion dragons? Not native to there. Instead, they’re from Gastal, a plane that was mentioned one (1) time back in the day. I’m willing to overlook some questions about these blokes for the sake of blaming the dragon half on everything I don’t think are scorpion-enough when it comes to these guys.
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Now, for my third example... I’m going to preface this with the fact that LEGO’s Legends of Chima theme was a problematic mess in hindsight. I still love it with my entire soul, but it was a fucking nightmare.
But within that is the Scorpion Tribe, what is possibly my favorite current example of what you can do with scorpions in a (science-)fantasy setting.
The Scorpions were accidentally evolved with the magic MacGuffin of the series (Chi) thanks to some foolishness going on, and they were the antagonists of season two (or rather, wave two, as they were technically the latter half of season one and the beginning of season two). They’re led by a king, Scorm, and a general, Scolder. And yes, they all stick to the Sc- naming theme, with one exception from the online game.
So, how do you create an anthro Scorpion Lego figure? Like this, of course!
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Now, something interesting to note is that because the Chi was not safely introduced to these guys, some of them didn’t “evolve” all the way and still have a scorpion lower body, like a weird centaur. Meet Scutter, posterchild for this, even though his brother Scrug speed-“evolved” to humanoid form.
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Something interesting to note is just how flexible and catlike the tails of these Scorpions are. They can flick around and even hold things when curled up.
Another fun thing about Chima is that they don’t put my boys in the desert. Instead, they live in caves in a very hostile jungle. I’m so proud of them.
Analyzing the venom of these guys, though...
Scorpion God = full of god-killing venom
Akul = a "dark curse" that's basically fantasy tuberculosis
Scorpions from Chima = hypnosis mind-control agent that wears off fairly quickly
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(Preface for this section: These were random additions that I sent a while later, with little connection to each other.)
Scorpion dads do tend to be deadbeats, but a scorpion mom figure? I would chew that right up.
Re: molting, it is a long, long process, even for something as small as a scorpion. So the bigger they are, the longer it's probably gonna take. It requires a lot of calorie-loading beforehand and can be predicted based on “air pockets” that appear at the sides of the exoskeleton, to give them wiggle room. Scorpions are soft for several days after molting and avoid eating anything until they harden back up.
And did I mention that scorpions glow under ultraviolet light?
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So...yeah! Scorpions are so fucking cool, and this is just an overview! This isn't even getting into any particular species! There's just so much to explore in terms of scorpions in fantasy settings, so seeing them reduced to Desert Bad Guy over and over again annoys me.
Put these animals into some situations.
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blazescompendium · 6 months ago
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New SMT V Vengeance demons: Mystery guy revealed as Onyankopon. Anansi official reveal.
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Ok so, brief post because I hyped you all so much for this reveal, and I didn't wanted to sleep on it.
The demon we have been scratching our heads to know about is Onyankopon, which will be from the Enigma race.
Onyankopon is one of the names of Nyame, a god worshipped in west Africa. I personally did not know much about him before, have only read his names somewhere around books or the internet.
This God is supposed to be all knowing and supreme. But it seems that Doi wanted to draw inspiration from other Enigma demons, and also clay figurines. The first thing when you look up this deity on the internet, are clay figurines, so makes sense. Doi made his eyes hollow, maybe to imply that its real form is inside the clay body, but we can't know for sure. It is also missing an arm for some reason.
I was pointed out on discord by Nawell, that in an extensive book on Ashanti folklore, theres mention that Anansi wanted Nyame's knowledge and tried to get it from him. Maybe they will both be featured in some kind of quest, where you have to side with one of them, like every area in Vanilla.
I honestly don't know much of Ashanti beliefs to state anything meaningful right now. But I will love to research it more deeply when I have the time.
Same goes for Anansi, although he is pretty well known in Brazil through African religions. But one can summarize Anansi as a trickster character, that is associated with spiders and really, really wants knowledge.
Honestly? Great designs! It was already time for African deities to be properly represented in SMT. Doi nailed it, and I'm glad the general reception dor these new SMT demons is generally positive.
Ah and... Nyami Nyami featured earlier this week, now has a key art:
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What did you think of these new designs? I think I can dissect them properly once I get less busy! But overall I loved them!
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lippiethehoe · 5 months ago
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Well hi tumblr queers again :D.
Okay so for starters CONTENT WARNING I'll be talking about sexuality sex and overall sexual stuff so if that's not something you wanna look at then don't read thanks :).
I kinda feel like starting a little conversation and also hopefully getting some answers from lgbts from tumblr which hmmm... idk if this is the best place for this, especially since I don't particularly have a big following, nor do I think I have the means to make this be more visible to randos on tumblr so hmm, if this amounts to nothing know I'll be embarassed about it but that's okay, but also I fucking hate reddit and all my google research efforts have resulted in either basically nothing or people asking similar questions to mine but having very deeply different prespectives of both gender in general and sexuality in general than me so google research didn't slay at all, and so I'll lend my trust to the tumblers ig.
Ok so hello, I'm lilly I'm a demiromantic trans woman and I've struggled for kind of a while with my sexuality, not because I don't know what it is, but because I'm actually a huge labels person. Having a word to describe the way i feel about things has always helped me feel as though I know myself better and can make others know me better aswell. Even if putting labels on complex human feelings and emotions is essentialy pointless, it's still something that means alot to me, and I hate that for the longest time I have been perfectly capable of knowing what my sexuality is, but can't simple it down to one word and use it on my day to day life and that makes me sad. It also makes me feel kinda alone in my feelings? cause I'm basically the only person i know with this prespective on my sexuality at least for now so I'm a bit confused, obviously I don't think I'm the only person like this cause that's basically impossible but it still feels that way ig?
Also I remembered this recently only because it's pride month, happy pride month btw :3, and I was doing a thing on discord where everyday I'd add a flag that I indetify with on my profile picture, problem is I've ran out of flags, because no sexual orientation feels right and from my knowledge of it there isn't a sexuality nor a flag for what I feel, and now not only does my discord pfp not look full of colors and pretty it also re-awakened a little identity crisis I've had for a while.
This is definetly gonna be a very long post but I won't feel like I explained myself correctly if it isn't a big post so bear with me, but let's start.
So I'm gonna start explaining how I personally view sexuality and gender so you, reader, can have all the means available to understand my prespective on this. Sexuality to me is kinda simple, simply means whatever a person is attracted to, what makes them sexually interested in someone, whatever other way you wanna put it, and gender is simply the way a person identifies themselves with, the eyes they navigate the world through, the way they percieve themselves and the way they want to be percieved as by others etcetera, I won't explain my prespective on romanticism cause that's essentially useless to my question, but yeah simple stuff right?
So here's where I don't believe I fit in with most sexualities, here's the question I've had for quite a while but never thought to express it in a place where more than just a few friends could hear, I am not sexuality attracted to genders, ok now is when someone screams at me and says pansexual, I don't agree, but moving on, I'm not sexually attracted to people much, I am sexually attracted to penis tho, and here's where someone screams heterosexual at me AND IF YOU DID I FUCKING HATE YOU FYI NOT CAUSE I HATE HETEROS BUT BECAUSE THAT AS AN ANSWER TO WHAT I SAID IS FUCKING TRANSPHOBIC, YEAH I SAID IT, BITCH!!!
But here's the thing, what is a gender, ok I wrote alot after i said that but deleted it all cause this could fall into a very long rabbit hole, but gender's a construct blah blah, can you tell I probably have some neurodivergencies going on in the head anyways continuing. Genuinely, I don't know what it feels like to be a sexuality that includes gender in it, not because I don't think it to be true obviously i know people are heterosexual bisexual homosexual lesbians any other sexual orientation that implies gender being a part of the equation. But to me I can't be sexually attracted to men because a man can be anything to me, I can't be sexually attracted to women because a woman can be anything to me, i can't be sexually attracted to enbys cause being non-binary can be anything to me and the list goes on. Nothing is set in gender because to me gender can look like, feel like, and be like anything, if I labeled myself heterosexual, sexually attracted to people of the opposite gender of me, what would I mean by it? cause think about it, there're big men small men skinny fat muscular men hairy shaved brown eyed dark skinned pussy having dick having blah blah blah and the list goes on again, and even in there I'm not specifically attracted to any of the traits on that list anyways, none of those traits sexually arouse me, men don't sexually arouse me, women don't sexually arouse me, but you know what does? penis. So therein lies the issue, cause surprise, there's a bunch of dicks in the world, what? that's crazy? Yeah penis is everywhere, there're men with penises women with penises nonbinaries with penises intersex people with penises dildos people with strap-ons and the list goes on and in that entire list, the only thing that sexualy arouses me personally, is penis, not who has it, not wether or not it was there from birth, not wether or not it's made of plastic or human skin, not wether or not I'm specifically sexually attracted to any other aspect of said person, but simply the thing that sexually arrouses me and makes me feel pleasure is the thing that sexually attracts me, which in my head is so fucking obvious? Like it's a conclusion so natural to me, but it seems I'm the only person in a 50 km radius that feels this way? It's also possible that I'm actually wrong and view the current existing sexualities in the wrong way and if that's what's up please tell me.
Also i feel the rising tension of someone saying stuff like "people can sexually stimulate others with fingers are u FiNgErSeXuAl?" and the truth is not really but I still find it sexually arousing when it happens, but the last thing I'm gonna do is look at fingers and blush I think. WOAH THAT JUST OPENED A NEW DOOR FUCKK OH NO THIS IS GONNA BE TOO LONG MAYBE I SHOULDN'T POST THIS IDK. I am also sexually attracted to certain actions, but at this point I feel I'm leaving sexuality and going into kink territory and that isn't really where I wanted to go. EITHER WAY my overall conclusion is I don't understand most sexualities and feel as though my view of my sexuality should have a label so I feel more comfortable, maybe I should be the catalyst who knows maybe someone's already been the catalyst and I'm simply unaware of that, either way I'd like a sexuality flag to add to my discord pfp so maybe I'll just make a flag up, who fucking knows, that's it tho. So yeah if anyone who sees this post experiences anything similar to this and wants to share about it please do I'd be really thankful.
Thank you so much if you sticked with me all the way to the end, and if you feel like you might have some insight on what I'm saying or simply wanna say something relevant to this topic please do, it's pride month and I'm incredibly proud of all queers and gender fuckers :3 happy pride month!
Ps: I just wanna say something, this isn't an invitation to flirt with me send me unsolicited dick pics or respond to things I clearly showed not to be questions, I want this topic to be taken in more of a discussion way than a sexual one, if that could be possible I'd be thankful, ok that's it bie bie.
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naiad-lagoon · 2 months ago
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nanowrimo has recently released a statement about the use of ai which is incredibly disappointing and beyond frustrating. the article itself can be found here.
they state that they do not "explicitly support any specific approach to writing, nor does it condemn any approach, including ai." regardless of whether or not they endorse ai, including it in a space carved out for writers is a slap in the face to anyone who takes on the challenge of 50k words in one month, or simply of writing in general. ai is not an "approach to writing" because you are not writing when you are using ai. yes, this applies in any part of the writing process, including editing, brainstorming, and beta-reading.
the three issues listed for this neutral stance on ai are: classism, ableism, and general access issues. i'd like to touch on the classism claim briefly, and provide alternative resources.
their explanation for classism and its relation to ai usage is that not all writers have the financial means to hire additional human help for certain parts in the writing process. this is true - i am writers in this situation. i am one of the many people who cannot afford to hire people to edit or beta-read my work. this is not an excuse to utilize ai. as nanowrimo itself preaches, the writing community is absolutely massive and full of people who want to support other writers! so what can we use instead of ai? here's some options:
edit your own work! i personally find editing one of the most enjoyable parts of writing, and often prefer to edit my own work; however, i recognize editing is not something that everyone enjoys or has time to do, and there is merit in getting another pair of eyes to look at your work. so here's some more options:
friends and family - very common suggestion, but it is pretty darn effective at getting someone to read your work for free. if you are mortified by someone you know reading your writing (same), there are other ways.
critique match is not a program i've used, but i have heard good things about. it helps you match up with a free critique partner, and provides resources if you are looking to hire an editor.
there are so so many reddit communities where you can post asking for beta-readers and people will often be willing to help. a big ones is r/betareaders. you can also find a subreddit for your specific genre and ask for help.
there are discord communities too! partners in ink is a small discord server where you can connect with beta-readers or critique partners
if you are a college student, i cannot emphasize this enough, take advantage of the damn resources they give you. many many colleges have online resources with information about editing your work - albeit it is typically from an academic standpoint. many also have writing centers! traditionally they are for essay review, but very often they are willing to look over creative writing pieces as well.
engage! with! other! writers! you are on tumblr. be friendly, reblog, chat, make mutuals. ask people for help and offer help to others. no one is going to bite you i promise. heck, shoot me a dm with your work and chances are i will at least look it over.
these are all resources i have gathered from either pre-existing knowledge or quite literally 30 minutes of research. you have options, and you have a community.
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thowawayuntilfurthernotice · 3 months ago
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Ooh boy..... there is a lot of stuff to unpack regarding these dog shit tweets, so apologies if this post is long winded.
First off, I love how he just writes the accusations off as Chris being a "Bad boyfriend" because you know, trying to discredit the victims' claims when Chris himself admitted to his wrongdoings is totally going to convince people that Chris did nothing wrong. Right, Kyle?
And second, do you even know what a martyr is? Or are you just spouting out nonsense to sound smart?
No sane person would consider Chris Niosi a martyr, Kyle. I get that you're trying to frame this whole thing as "cancel culture" or whatever, but Chris' actions pretty much speak for themselves.
You know what's funny? I'd have way more respect for you if you just flat out admitted that you don't believe the victims. I mean, I'd still think you were a scumbag who wasn't worth a shit, but at least you'd be honest.
Trying to defend a sex pest while acting like you're a hero who's standing up to the evils of "cancel culture" is such a stupid hill to die on.
What makes Kyle's defense funnier is that Kyle made a video calling out Crunchyroll for refusing to go union with their dub of Mob Psycho 100's third season. So when Crunchyroll did stealth drop the English dub for the third season, you'll never guess which English voice actor decided to return for said dub.
That's right, Chris Niosi.
So yeah, Kyle is not only defending a guy who has a habit of breaking NDA's, but he's also defending a worthless scab.
Also, if you thought Kyle's tweets were fucking bad, his Discord response is even worse!
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"Impossible to find much of anything of substance"?
Kyle, you're the one who refused to believe the victims and you're the one who decided to defend Chris before deleting your Twitter when everyone called you out. You have no ground to stand on when it comes to pretending like you're the only sane person who's involved in the discourse.
"Oh, but how can you be so sure that Kyle didn't do his research"?
Because Tara (One of Chris' victims) has admitted that he never bothered to reach out to her.
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Kyle can't be assed to do the bare fucking minimum amount of research before opening his stupid mouth, he just writes the whole thing off as "cancel culture" because one of his friends is being held accountable for his actions.
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undertale-fic-librarby · 6 months ago
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Personal Recs! (General Audiences, Teen And Up)
Here are some of my personal recommendations! This post will include fics generally suited for most audiences.
Our Kind Of Intimacy by Moss-On-The-Bones (General Audiences, Complete)
Ink had the marvelous idea of making Error his canvas. A little over 1k words of Error being painted on. This is a part of a reverse big bang with @wewawoomp on Tumblr. Link to the art will be at the end notes.
Duplicate The Terror by Sye_Dye (Teen And Up, Complete)
This wasn't how it was suppose to go. Dream felt that he has done everything to get through to Nightmare, but to no avail. But to resort to this? He didn't think things could have gone so south so fast. He just wanted his precious brother back. Was that too much to ask for? It was an accident. Now he hurt his brother and he was not sure what to do. His brother sneered at him. On the other side of the room, another Nightmare glared at him. There were two Nightmares now. What has he done? In which Nightmare does not know what to do with himself and finds a new path.
Schrodinger's Gate by moondrift (Teen And Up, Incomplete)
Disoriented and emotionally frayed from decades spent in the void, W.D Gaster suddenly finds himself at the mercy of a cold and arrogant alternate self. His doppelganger promises to return him to the void once his research is complete but before he can make good on his threat, Gaster is introduced to this world’s variant of his son and he is forced to make a quick, spur of the moment decision. This sole act sends unforeseen ripples throughout the Multiverse and hurdles Gaster on a perilous journey across it to find his way home. or Dadster plays hopscotch across the multiverse, unintentionally and intentionally acquires children, tentatively reciprocates Grillby's feelings, engages in actual literal custody battles with copies of himself, somehow steals a Bad Sans™, narrowly avoids death at the hands of Error and somehow flies under Ink’s radar for a shocking amount of time.
Don't care 'bout my Bad Reputation by Insecuriousity (Teen And Up, Complete)
Every monster in Snowdin knew that between the two Skeleton Brothers, Sans was the soft one. He never dusted anyone, always hid behind his brother’s legs like a coward, and had the stats of a newborn whimsun. The only reason nobody had dusted him yet was because only Sans could extract some mercy from Papyrus. It was goddamn hilarious, how wrong they all were, but Sans wasn’t about to correct them.
you become by theragingprophet (General Audiences, Complete)
you aren’t Real, but for him... for your little brother, you can pretend. (in which Sans is Papyrus’s imaginary friend, and magic is both a wonderful and terrifying thing.)
The One Where Sans Tells It Like It Is. (Or: The One Where Sans Is Number One Dunckle) by marauding_bagel (General Audiences, Complete)
When Toriel asked him to attend the meeting in her place for one night he thought it wouldn't be a big deal. Turns out Sans could not have been more wrong.
At Their Mercy by Devcipher (Teen And Up, Complete)
The multiverse had been perfectly balanced when the seven higher beings weaved it together. Through countless interferences, however, the balance has begun to tip, and stability is threatened. Fate's creation has been unresponsive to their warnings, and thus a solution must be made. While feuding with Destiny over a monster to be Ink's counterpart, Karma intervenes. Inspiration from Harrish6's Forced God of Destruction universe, but a unique alternate multiverse/universe of my own. Discord is constantly breaking the link for the ATM discord but: https://discord.gg/DgHWGnMNrs *EDIT: My server got raided twice please message me for a link lol* Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/devtemrys
Kinder Than He Seems by WrittenKinzy18 (Teen And Up, Complete)
Error is the Destroyer of the AUs. The sole purpose of his existence is to clash with Ink and destroy the entire multiverse. He has two easy ways of doing so: finding the Doodle Sphere, or killing the Classic Universe. No one wants to get rid of him completely, but they also can't let him roam free. However, when Classic himself is brought into their multiversal meeting, they find Error has always known where the Original Undertale was. In fact, he'd been actively visiting it as a friend. Were they really so wrong about the Destroyer?
Ancients & Champions by jisko2ijsko (Teen And Up, Complete)
After monsters broke free to the surface Sans thought that the humans would be the hardest to manoeuvre around. Nothing could have prepared him for what he found in a different country far from his home. He will learn more about the world, them and himself as he tries to deal with feelings and long forgotten memories. TLDR: Sans decides to travel to help Alphys and Toriel and ends up meeting more skeletons and experience many more adventures. Good thing two are really cute and the other four are actually very nice.
Turn Back Time by orphan_account (Teen And Up, Incomplete)
Nightmare finally killed his brother. Dream is finally dead. Or so he thought. Dream also thought he was killed. He thought he was dead. But when he opened his eyes he's perfectly fine, unexpectedly. His pain has gone, there's no tendril piercing his body, and his wounds disappeared completely. Then a familiar voice greets him, chuckling softly. “Why are you looking at me like you’ve seen a ghost?” "Night...mare?"
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doghartzy · 7 months ago
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“#wrote a college entrance essay about this once” re: rpf research excuse me WHAT can you elaborate please 😭 (i say as someone who has also written some unhinged essays)
okay in my defense i didn't actually talk about rpf explicitly, but i did write about how one of the big draws of hockey for me was all the minute details and research rabbitholes you could get absorbed in. it's funny to look back on now because i think my understanding of hockey has come a long way, and also i'm kind of a completely different person than i was, lol. i'll put a few sections under the cut just for fun :3
But in late November of my ---- year, I turned on the television to watch a hockey game. It was the Flames and the Senators -- not exactly a nail-biter. I knew what to expect. I’d been to a college hockey game once at the University of North Dakota, and I’d been casually interested. But I certainly didn’t count on the Ottawa Senators setting the starting point of a great epoch of my life. The thing about hockey is that, leaving aside everything else about the sport -- statistics, personality, fanaticism, gameplay -- hockey is fun to watch. It’s fast-paced but easy to follow. All you have to do is keep track of the puck. Stoppages aren’t too common, but if they do happen, it’s probably because a penalty has been called, or because of a scrum, which both lead to more interesting circumstances. In short, hockey held my interest, and outpaced my notoriously short attention span. At least, that was how it started.
apparently i was rly trying to keep that harvard admissions officer on their toes lmao
Hockey culture is an unmitigated disaster. Awash with misogyny, masculine posturing, glorification of violence, and a thriving disrespect for the civil rights of minorities, it’s easy to brush hockey off as another antiquated hold-out of gladiatorial sports. Fans live and die for the blood of it. It’s especially easy to do so as a queer woman, someone who is definitely unwelcome in central hockey circles. It took me about ten minutes to understand that hockey Twitter, at least, was not worth a second of my time. But I hadn’t gotten as far as making it through an entire Senators game just to give up now. And finding other avenues of building community was easier than I thought. The Internet, it turns out, is shockingly versatile. Just as white male hockey fans all tend to congregate in the loud, wide-open spaces of fandom, the rest of us found areas out of view of the mainstream gaze. Within Tumblr tags, Discord groups, and even fanfiction archive forums, the women, hockey fans of color, and even us queers began to find each other. It was easier, then, to know where to start. In short order, hockey turned from something I watched as stress relief after a long school day to something I knew about. The people I talked to were knowledgeable, and the research I did on my own -- as was my wont -- helped substantiate. First it was about the teams, and then, when I had satisfied my knowledge there, the players. The politics. The rules, the statistics, the prospects. The slow stop-start of change initiatives like the Hockey Diversity Alliance. It turns out that hockey is an unquellable fount of things to learn, and it quickly became a way to collect things to know.
it's interesting to look back and see which things i felt it was important to highlight, especially given all the things that have happened in recent years with hockey culture. also please disregard all the identity flashing, i WAS trying to get into college, after all.
i go on to talk a bit about the demographic layout of the nhl & the draw of european leagues, plus why i started learning russian (to read kirill's insta posts), but that's the rpf-related section. if i were to rewrite this essay today it would be a completely different look at the world of hockey and its current landscape, but i'm giving myself some grace for having committed the crime of being 18 and not very smart.
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zanyzendraws · 3 months ago
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JULY 22 2024 ZENLOG: First Time's the Charm!
Hihi everyone! Welcome to my first ZenLog! Er, first official one! If the layout's a bit rough, apologies! We'll learn as we go along.
This one's a bit of a doozy so here's a neatly color coded table of contents! Depending on what you wanna read, please look for the following colors as you scroll! (Unless you wish to read the whole thing -- in that case, be my guest!)
CONTENTS OF THE ZENLOG
PERSONAL UPDATES
PROJECTS
WHAT TO EXPECT
BEFORE I GO...
With that being said, click "keep reading" to read all of this!
PERSONAL UPDATES
So, unfortunately, I got sick. It's really funny because I didn't feel anything at first, so I didn't think of it.
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Turns out that compared to the rest of my family members, I had the most swollen throat out of all of them. I didn't feel anything for a couple of days, so I luckily managed to get some stuff done.
Unfortunately, the symptoms somehow worsened despite taking the antibiotics and mouthwash-gargle thingy. It's hard for me to speak, and I get tired hella easily. Which is inconvenient.
As a result, I've been cooking significantly less, RIP.
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I mean, I've managed to cook. Just not as much as I wish I did.
On another note, here are some pics of food that I've been eating...
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Salivate!
PROJECTS
There have been multiple projects I've been working on left and right due to my brain being unable to focus on just one. These will be blunt lists of what I've accomplished (accomplishments are in pink).
Hanashima's Advanced Class
Ongoing interviews with discord mutuals and contacts are being conducted to ensure the accuracy of certain scenes. I'm aiming for approx. 15 at least to be included alongside findings from online research. 2/15 have been completed).
Working on character sheets regarding character writing to ensure consistency in the work and I've finalized names for characters I've previously struggled in naming.
Working on bits and pieces of the actual document where the full story is being written. A scene for later down the line has been completed.
[Unnamed WIP Psychological Horror]
Concepts have been written down so I know what I visually want, alongside some sketches of character designs being completed.
I have a rough idea of what I want and the routes I wish to take but I still need to work on an outline- other than that, I have a list of all important characters. More will be added later down the line but they will be minor at best, irrelevant otherwise.
[WIP audio project]
Lists of characters have been completed.
Three characters excluding the main cast (who I plan to redesign) have been drawn in my sketchbook (uncolored but I have a rough idea of what the color selections will be in my noggin).
MISC.
A short comic strip has been completed.
Another comic strip has been in the works; the inking process is completed, though it is yet to be colored and shaded.
Lineart for an animation asset has been completed.
Songs have been compiled and edited for a music-based video.
WHAT TO EXPECT
More updates on said comic scripts and Hanashima's Advanced Class.
Upcoming animation involving a character I've previously shared on this blog.
Playlist video based off of characters I've previously posted about on my channel.
I really wish to focus on Hanashima's Advanced Class so I'll do my best to further buckle down and write, and hopefully I'll message some more of my discord mutuals for the needed interviews (as this interview is for one of the first scenes in the series). Expect a word or page count regarding the writing I've done for the series next time, if not a list of how many scenes or 'episodes' i've written.
I'm reluctant to post about the psychological horror project that's been on my mind admittedly. I don't wish to give too much away (and at the moment, I have no way of coding it... or any coding knowledge).
BEFORE I GO...
I'm gonna do my best to update weekly while I'm on this gap semester, and even once I start going back to college/university/wherever I get my education!
And I'll be fully honest: I hype up these projects from excitement but the reality is that me making them is hella slow despite my attempts to be efficient. So it'll probably be a while before I release anything.
But I hope you guys will have some fun in reading these ZenLogs and will stick along for the journey! If you're not interested, that's okay too! Just enjoy your time on the internet and come back soon!
Take care! <333
-ZanyZenDraws (Zen)
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nerdygaymormon · 1 year ago
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I just found this blog and I'm so happy it exists. I was raised in the church and with the area I live in, LGBT+ people are "accepted" readily but at the same time... No one talks about it in relation to Members being Queer. It's like everyone ignores the fact that there is at least 1 queer member in the area because "Oh they aren't part of the church" or something. It's confusing and difficult to be out as anything other than CisHetAllo. I have found that as much as I try, and I feel better knowing about myself, I have found it increasingly difficult to talk about the same things in Online spaces compared to Church spaces. Something always seems to conflict, whether it is members not being particularly supportive of LGBT+ or those online judging Anyone who is a member. (I have had some people I consider[ed] friends make some... Negative... Remarks regarding the church and its members.)
I'm glad to see a space like this existing, where I know that I can be both Queer, and a Member of the church, without being "othered"
Thank you so much. <3
I'm sorry you're having a bit of a rough time of it, but you're right, unless someone is saying to everyone "Hey, I'm here and I'm queer," most Latter-day Saints assume there's absolutely no one at church who is LGBT+.
The LDS Church does have a reputation for being homophobic, so if I say I'm Mormon, other queer people will nod their head and say something about how they know that had to be so hard growing up. Also, the LDS church isn't exactly respected by other Christian denominations, they like to speak of it like it's the punchline of a joke.
A lot of people are becoming aware of the research that shows social media negatively affects young people's mental health and well being. It interferes with their sleeping habits and they spend less time in person with friends and developing their real-world social skills. Social media for youth is associated with problems like depression, cyberbullying, eating disorders. Calls are being made to place limits on the amount of time youth can spend online.
However, research shows there's one group of youth for whom social media has a beneficial impact, and that's LGBTQ youth. TikTok, Tumblr, Discord, YouTube, and so on, are a lifeline. They go from feeling completely alone and no one understanding what they're going through to suddenly discovering there's thousands of people who feel the same way, which is eye-opening and comforting. Not that it's universally good, we still run into hateful speech.
Social media allows LGBT people to explore their identities and find acceptance and emotional support. Some research shows there's a decrease in depression and suicidal thoughts for LGBT youth who are online. It gives them hope and a sense of control. Even when they do encounter harmful things online, they can turn it off, which they can't do with a school bully or family members saying offensive things.
I think for queer Mormons, the experience is even more so like that when you find other LGBT LDS people online. They get you in a way no one else truly does. It is like finding a second home with friends & family. It helps build our resilience. Representation matters. Reading words that are how I feel, that gives us hope and courage.
I'm glad you found my blog. I suggest doing a search for #queerstake, you'll find more posts from other queer Mormons and former Mormons. We even have a discord server we call queerward which is a lively place. I know for me it gives me a sense of belonging. If this was a ward or stake in real life, I would move so that I could be part of it, but it's online so I can access it wherever I am.
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justicefortheunderground · 9 months ago
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omfg I swear this is the last post I'm making on this. I'm so tired of it going over screenshots sent in the discord in order so it might be off, sorry. I don't HATE anybody, im uncomfortable with people and thus don't want to interact. In fact I was one of the last people in the discord server to voice my concerns. It's not something to be 'fixed', it's simply a boundary. All I'm asking is not to interact, if you don't want drama change or just abide by our requests to not interact?? We aren't like banning you from roleplay or anything that'd be stupid. Just make your own space if you aren't going to change, please. Also. I've never told anybody specifically to avoid any of the blogs. This was a decision most of you collectively agreed on, this blog is just being focused on fsr so that's where we're directing the posts. 1// Queer erasure is essentially intentionally or unintentionally removing a character or person's queerness. This is a bad thing to do for tons of reasons which you can research on your own time. This post will be long enough already. They/them Clover IS strictly canon, as a quote DIRECTLY from the developers says. Please get your facts in order. The issue isn't that Clover's gender is being changed, it's that their pronouns are being changed from more genderqueer pronouns, to more cisgender pronouns. Regardless of if this is intentionally or not, this IS queer erasure, and makes a lot of people extremely uncomfortable. 2// Try not to think about yourself that way, it comes off as guilt-trippy to people. And I was trying to go over each of your points to debunk, it was just a short quip. Sorry. 3//"it's just the internet" is a bad way to excuse your behavior. Don't. 4//Aging up characters in order to ship them in a less controversial way is almost universally a REALLY gross thing to do for so many reasons. There are a ton of videos that dive really deep into this topic, highly recommend. No NSFW should already be a given. 5//I didn't say choose another ship, I said another character. Yaknow. An adult. Also yes PLEASE stop interacting with underblog. We are not attacking anybody, we've only been responding to when you guys come to us. Genuinely we just don't want to interact. We have never EVER wished death on anybody. Seriously if anybody has I'm EXTREMELY sorry about that, if anybody has please let us know that's literally the worst thing somebody could do. In the discord KYS JOKES are even banned. I don't hate you, I don't think any of us underblog folks really do. We just are genuinely really uncomfortable and don't want to interact but this keeps escalating. I assume it's because you guys are young but honestly, please genuinely grow up. I don't believe any of this was intentional but the way it was handled was extremely poor. I genuinely hope you guys realize with time because I know I was absolutely like this when I was younger. It's not an attempt to flame any of you, I've never tried to flame any of you, only responded in ways I wish I'd gotten responded to when I was like this. I don't think any of us on either side are bad people, I think reactions were just handled badly. You can make your own roleplay space, honestly we really just don't like interacting with you guys. It's extremely draining. Please stop. And this is NOT just from me. I review these messages with the rest of underblog before posting. We're all just really fucking tired. Speaking of any of you (underblog) are more than free to add on your own thoughts below just keep it respectful.
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