#which yes is progress! but also i’m very tired of feeling like this!

[diffenbachiae]

the worst part of anxiety is that it feels bad before you do the thing, while you’re doing the thing, AND after you’re doing the thing, but if you ever stop doing the things it gets WAY WORSE!!!!

[fatuismooches]

principiis amoris.

synopsis: In other words, five times Dottore swore he hated you and the one time he realized it was the opposite.

includes: dottore w/ gn! reader

notes: I wanted to try my hand at these 5+1 fics, and Dottore seemed to be the best candidate. Behold, 6k+ words of fluff. Reader and Dottore are complete menaces (and not very good people) and you also throw a book at someone.

I. blindness

Much to anyone’s surprise, Zandik was having what he would call a good day. Today was the last day of all of his especially boring and easy classes, the illegal parts he secretly ordered came in, and he would be able to stay in his dorm for a while before classes started again. A break from these all these so-called scholars would be much appreciated. He was growing rather tired of them and was greatly looking forward to the much-needed retreat of progressing his research. He could feel it already - the sweet sensation of tinkering with the new parts quickened his pace.

What he was not expecting was his door to be open, voices and rustling noises coming from inside. Immediately a frown appeared and his good feeling was lost. Quickly, he entered the room and saw an unknown figure donning the Akademiya’s robes, and an academic counselor he recognized standing in his room. Now he was glad he made sure to put his tools away. Ones that were totally not prohibited.

“What is the meaning of this?” He didn’t try to hide the loathing in his voice.

The counselor shifted in place, clearly not wanting to be here anymore due to his presence. You, on the other hand, didn’t seem to care. In fact, Zandik could see that you were smiling.

“Ah, hello Zandik. Good to see you are doing well,” she lied through her teeth. “This here is [Name], your-”

“Your new roommate!” you chimed in. The counselor shrunk in her place even more, probably regretting all her life choices now as Zandik’s laser gaze was on her now. 

“I thought I made myself clear when I informed you that I did not want anyone in my dorm?”

“Yes, well, as per the rules of the Akademiya, every scholar should try to have a roommate for the purpose of cooperation…” Her voice became progressively smaller as Zandik continued to burn his gaze onto her, “a-and collaboration. Regardless of your thoughts, [Name] has to try to dorm with someone, and that someone happens to be you.” You nodded your head in agreement as the counselor spoke.

“So please, um, try to get along!” She quickly excused herself and scurried out of the room, leaving the two of you alone. You smiled at him yet again, sticking your hand out for a handshake, to which he only spared a glance and turned away.

“Pleased to meet you! I’m excited to live with you!”

“We’ll see about that,” he scoffed. You’d be out of here in less than a week, just like the few other roommates he had. But to think he had to spend his break with a nuisance in his room now? That irritated him to no end. Though what confused him more was your sunny disposition. Quite literally everyone in the Akademiya knew him and acted the complete opposite.

“Hehe, sure. By the way, I call the top bunk bed!”

It was from that moment he knew.

Zandik hated you.

II. relentless

Zandik had been giving you the cold shoulder since the moment you stepped into his (now yours too) dorm. You knew this would be a tough journey, but damn. At least he was good eye candy and wasn’t loud. (If you excused his eerie laughter in the middle of the night.)

On this particular night, Zandik was at his makeshift workbench tinkering with Archon knows what, as usual. Unfortunately, even though you found it to be interesting, you were unfamiliar with all of that mechanical stuff. You always would look at him while he worked, and while he would sometimes snap at you to stop staring, he never actually did anything about it. Today was one of those nights.

“You’ve certainly been at that for a while,” you commented. Zandik showed no sign of reaction.

“You don’t want anything to eat? Or drink?” you continued.

“Don’t have time,” he responded with no hesitation, far too interested in his new play toys, and also wanting to shut down this conversation immediately. But, you didn’t think these were the ones he usually used. You think he kept the deadlier ones hidden away in case you reported him or something.

“To consume something?”

“To make something right now,” he corrected.

“Well, yeah, I know. That’s why I’m going to make it for you,” you clarified, kind of surprised (but also not) that you needed to say it directly. This managed to make your roommate pause.

“So you are offering to cook for me?” he clarified your statement yet again.

“Yes?” This time he freed his hand of items completely and looked you dead in the eye.

“Explain.”

“E-Explain? Well, I mean, we’re roommates and all, habiting the same space. It only makes sense that we do things we each other once in a while.”

“So you expect a transaction.”

“A transaction…? Huh? No! This isn’t some kind of business deal or whatever. No, I do not expect anything back from you. I am doing this for you because I want to. There’s nothing more to it.” There was no response from Zandik, and he was silent as if he was trying to process what you just said, which was rather cute.

“I do not understand.”

You mentally sighed. “That’s fine, for now. I’m gonna whip something up anyway.” Before he could protest further, you disappeared into the tiny kitchen the Akademiya’s dorms provided.

You had to think of a suitable snack. He probably wouldn’t eat it if it was too cumbersome and distracting from whatever he was doing. He needed some kind of finger food… and you had just the idea. You believed that when you were a struggling Akademiya student, it was only natural to have some good recipes up your sleeve.

Samosas. Delicious bite-sized pieces of goodness. Although they would take a bit to make, you didn’t think Zandik would care. He hardly realized the difference between minutes and hours when he was in this kind of scientific state. And you were glad you stocked up the pantry with your own products because you really had no idea how Zandik lived in these conditions.

Soon enough, you had made a portion for him (and secretly snuck a few for yourself) and you had also made a piping hot cup of coffee, a student’s best friend of course. You then plated it and brought it to your roommate, setting it down in front of him wordlessly, to which he seemed surprised.

Zandik did not realize you were even still doing that. He thought you were bluffing. But now that such aromatic food was right in front of him, his stomach came to life and he noticed the dryness of his throat. With squinted eyes, he tentatively picked up one of the samosas and inspected it. (Did he think you poisoned it or something?) But then he popped one into his mouth and began to chew experimentally. His face did not betray his emotions, but your questions were answered by his next actions.

“Hmm,” he said matter-of-factly, before nomming on another samosa. You peered at him from the top bunk bed as he polished off the bowl of samosas rather quickly. Now, he was waiting for the coffee to cool.

“Sooooo, how was my cooking?” you questioned, already internally knowing the answer even if he didn’t admit it.

“It was convenient,” he admitted. Most of the time, Zandik did not cook for himself, as he found the process a waste of time when he could be doing other things. 

“I’m glad. And the taste?”

“It was fine.” Actually, it was far more than fine. The constant consumption of the easiest food to make had dulled his taste buds and made him accustomed to bland food. Though your food was quite tasty, Zandik was not about to let you get a big head now.

“Just fine? Seemed like you scarfed them down pretty quickly,” you teased.

“The quicker I eat, the quicker I am able to devote my full attention to the research,” he corrected you. You pouted but still felt pleased.

“Then I’ll make something for you every day.”

He felt on guard again at your kindness. “Why?”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Didn’t I already say? ‘Cause we’re roommates and all, and also soon-to-be friends. And friends usually help each other out, yeah? And also because I’m kind of worried how you eat the same thing over and over.” 

He immediately frowned at your proposal. “I am not your friend. And never will be.”

You shrugged your shoulders and moved to lie down instead, pulling the blankets over you. “Ehe, we’ll see. I have a way with words, you know!” You smiled and winked at him, to which you received a deadpan glare. “Good night, Zandik! Oh, and make sure to clean up afterward!”

“Hmph.”

Friend. He toyed with the word and idea in his head, mocking it internally. Friend… friend, as if that could ever be feasible. Of course not.

Zandik hated you.

III. possessiveness 

It had been a while since you moved in with Zandik, and he stopped treating you with disdain. Though, Zandik was Zandik, so you still got a tongue-lashing from time to time. (But you could never take him seriously anymore, which irritated him.)

Lately, though, he had begun to show you some of his research, and even begun to let you tinker with some of his stuff! Only while he was present of course, but you were elated. Though, he seemed to be enjoying this more than you somehow. You could ask one question and suddenly he’d be on a tangent. But you were just happy he was talking to you.

You had been upgraded from hated stranger to tolerable stranger to okay acquaintance in Zandik’s eyes. You had insisted on calling him your friend, to which he still did not understand, but for some reason he allowed it. Perhaps it was because it felt nice.

Actually, you were a helpful, okay acquaintance. You frequently looked over his notes for him, correcting spelling and grammar errors from when he scribbled so fast. Tidied up his bed and work space too. The best part was that you had begun to run errands for him so he didn’t need to leave the dorm himself. After these series of events, you had declared yourself his assistant without even asking him first, but he supposed that was okay. He valued usefulness. And maybe your company a bit, too. And although he enjoyed silence the most, maybe he liked how nice your voice was in the background.

Today was one of those days where he waited for you to get back from an errand. It was quick and easy, and the seller wasn’t too far away. Like always, he occupied himself with his work and awaited your return, which proved to be fruitful as usual. But after a while, something did not feel right.

Zandik could not put his finger on it. Why did he have this feeling in the back of his mind? He was quite irritated at this itch he could not reach. Perhaps you would have-

That’s right. You. You. You. Where were you? That’s when he realized that you were gone longer than you usually were. To think that his body and mind would get so accustomed to your presence. He wasn’t sure whether to feel disgusted or not by this feeling.

He wondered what was the holdup. But there was naught he could do except wait. And wait. And wait. Until the jiggle of the doorknob drew his attention and you stepped through the door with the items he requested. 

“Hey, Zandik,” you greeted, locking the door behind you and dropping the bag on the table. He didn’t respond, but you didn’t think that was anything strange since he never cared much for greetings. “Got your stuff,” you continued your normal routine, kicking off your shoes and shedding your sweater, expecting the silence to continue.

“What took you so long?” You almost did a double-take when he spoke.

“What?”

“What took you so long?” he repeated.

“Oh, on the way back, some students stopped me and asked if I could explain some stuff to them. I guess I did take a bit longer than usual. Why?” you questioned. Did he really notice the difference? It hadn’t even been that long, maybe ten to fifteen minutes extra that you took. And plus, it’s not like you two were doing anything together. Just sitting in silence with metal clanking as usual.

When you did not get any response, you raised your eyebrows and tip-toed your way over to him to get a glimpse of his expression. It was mostly empty if you ignored the eye twitching and the downward curve. You had to dig your fingernails into your palm to control the chuckles. 

“Could it be… did you miss little old me, Zandik?”

“Perish the thought,” Zandik immediately interrupted before you could even finish your sentence. “Your whereabouts are not my concern,” he vehemently denied.

“Mhm, alright then.”

“I simply do not see why you need to talk to those so-called scholars. They are not worth the time or energy to even look at.”

Ah, there it was. So he was jealous. You understood now.

“Well, I was just doing what a normal, nice person would do.”

“The fact that you are still living with me proves you’re not normal. As for the nice part, you don’t need to do that for anyone.”

“Oh really? So what should I do, turn a blind eye to everyone else and save the sweet words for you?” you joked.

“Yes. Were you not the one who declared yourself as my assistant? Assistants always follow their seniors,” he stated matter-of-factly.

You were completely surprised at his mini confession, that if you spoke carelessly, you knew you’d stutter. But you weren’t complaining. You ignored the heat on your face, and matched his words.

“Hmm… I would say in that case, you can’t speak to anyone either, but it’s not like you do that anyway,” you said simply, biting down on your lip to prevent laughing. Zandik immediately scowled at your statement.

“I don’t need, want, or care to speak to anyone. But since you clearly need to be around these low-tier scholars, you can get out this instant.” You couldn’t help but double over with giggles now at his defensiveness and landed on Zandik’s bed. He huffed. You loved when he acted like this.

“Ah, I’m so glad I asked to dorm with you,” you giggled with a dopey grin. Zandik paused his work, taking in what you just said.

“You… what?”

You turned to lay on your side and propped yourself up on your arm. “Hmm? Did I say something strange?” you questioned.

“You chose to live here? With me, of your own choice? I knew it was strange when the counselor chose me of all people. Surely there were others available?” Zandik was utterly baffled as he had now temporarily abandoned his tinkering to gauge your expression.

“Yes! Shall I recount the exact events for you?” Without waiting for an answer, you prattled on. “Okay so, I went to the counselor lady and she wanted me to dorm with this random guy, and I was like okay cool, but then I got this little sneak peek of the list she had and I saw your name in fancy handwriting. And then I was like, hey, that’s the smart cute morally dubious guy that I hear people talking about! So then I said, nah, give Zandik to me instead please- hey, why is your face kind of red?” 

You ended your little rambling and sat up straight, leaning into your roommate’s face. “Hey, are you embar-” Before you could finish your sentence, he quickly spun back around to face his desk, trying to block out your incessant giggling.

“Shut up,” he hissed in reply, quick to defend himself. “No one in this school would willingly live with me.” And how dare you call him that? That… c-word.

“Well,” you clutched your chest to prevent any more laughter, “That’s clearly not true anymore, because I’ve been here for quite a while! But wow, your face!” You toppled back onto his bed grinning. He swore you were brain-dead. 

Zandik hated you.

IV. like-mindedness

Zandik did not like being in public. That was something you came to realize and understand rather quickly. For the most part, you had no qualms with it. You were quite content with bantering with him in the privacy of the dorm or in the desert or forest looking for whatever specimens he wanted. There were no distractions, no other people to give you weird stares or looks.

It was another normal day for you, and you came to realize that you’d actually been living with Zandik for quite a while. You liked to think that you two were rather close now. The time had flown by quickly for you, but apparently very long for others. To say people were baffled was an understatement. 

People were shocked, fascinated, intrigued, fearful, any word you could think of, at how you managed to dorm with Zandik and still be alive, mentally and physically. Many people even applauded you for managing to live with Zandik for so long. You had people coming up to you asking for tips on how you confronted your fears so easily. The crazier ones even wanted to write a paper on your mental fortitude. (Thankfully your roommate hadn’t found out about that yet.)

Today, however, the two of you decided to stop by Puspa Café after class. It was a nice day to dine outside, and the coffee and food there was excellent. You had no complaints, especially since this was your first time doing this kind of thing with Zandik. It was going quite well, as the two of you read over your notes in silence until whispers began to penetrate the tranquility.

“Hey, look over there. Is that Zandik?”

“Oh wow, you’re right! This is my first time seeing him outside of class.”

“Really? This is my first time seeing him in general.”

“Well yeah, he only goes to class and then back to his dorm. Everyone knows he’s a freak.” Their blathering continued and you twitched your eye, unable to concentrate. You peaked at Zandik but he looked unbothered.

“We’re right in front of them and can still talk about you like that?” You were simultaneously shocked and impressed at their audacity and stupidity. Zandik simply shrugged his shoulders, his uncaring attitude shining through as he was practically immune to these kinds of scenarios now. You huffed and flipped a page in your book. Sometimes you wished you could borrow some of his ability to not care what people think.

But there was only so much you could take. And Archons above, these scholars and their incessant talking were annoying. You had no idea how Zandik could continue to read so intently with this racket. At least he was more pretty when he was quiet.

Slowly you stood up, and Zandik glanced at you, a bit confused but not too interested, still absorbed in his own book. His eyes returned to the text, but then he heard a loud thump from the side. Now more of his attention was on you, as he saw you now closed the thick book shut.

“[Name]?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow. You were now retrieving some Mora, probably for the bill, and laying it on the table. “Do you have business to attend to?”

“Business? You know what, yes, yes I do,” you chuckled a bit eerily. “But it’ll only take a couple of seconds.” With that, you picked up the textbook and lifted it up and down like a weight. Finally, you positioned yourself properly and raised your arm toward the direction of the student.

You threw the fucking textbook.

It was a sight that Zandik would never forget. A heavy book that would hurt anyone’s arm from lugging it around, flew through the air, and with uncanny precision, knocked the scholar right in the face.

It was dead silence for a few seconds.

And then chaos.

Screams erupted from the other students at the table at the sight of their fallen friend. A commotion was born as people scrambled to the boy. Zandik was having a bit of trouble comprehending what just happened. Yes, he just understood that you just threw a textbook at a guy, but he did not understand at the same time. Even he knew not to harm someone in public. (Private was a different case.) And you did it with no hesitation, no logical thought process of what would happen. It was an activity far from what most scholars did.

While he was in a little stupor, you quickly pushed your papers into your bag and slung it over your shoulder. “Hey! Teyvat to Zandik! Don’t just sit there! We have to leave the scene!” you scolded him, taking initiative and stuffing his work into his bag as well. He wasn’t the most pleased with how you treated his precious research material but that was only a fleeting thought compared to what just occurred. You threw his bag over your shoulder as well and cursed at how heavy his damn textbook was. But what he did not expect was what you did next.

Rolling your shoulders back to prepare yourself for the weight, you then grabbed his hand and started pulling him away. 

Zandik then had no words to describe his emotions. He could only focus on the prickles that arose from all over his body at such prolonged and close contact with you. He was used to your teasing - running your hands through his hair on occasion, or leaning in close to his ear to whisper something, but this simply broke his scale. He felt as though he was moving unconsciously, feet moving in sync with yours, and he had no idea how to feel or even understand this phenomenon. 

“Hey, I know you can walk faster than that!” Your voice snapped him out of his unfamiliar sensations, and that’s when he realized what was happening. You had actually managed to drag him so far along that you were both probably halfway through the city looking like complete, bumbling fools. And you were still holding his hand, and that’s when he realized again how lovely you looked in this moment. He quickly discarded those thoughts.

“Release me this instant, [Name],” he threatened, immediately putting his vexed look back up. He could feel your warmth penetrating his whole body just from your hand.

“Sure, sure~! Let’s turn into this alley to hide,” He could tell that was a complete lie because your laugh was so loud it probably rang out all the way to Port Ormos. Zandik scoffed and bit his lip to prevent a smile.

Soon enough, you both reached a secluded part of the city, away from all the hustle and bustle and caught your breath. You slid down a wall in relief and closed your eyes while Zandik had his eyes trained on you for what you just put him through.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” he raised an eyebrow at your crazy behavior. You peeked at him and put your hand on your chin, in a thinking position.

“Hmm… well, that was quite fun, was it not?!” you tried to keep a straight face but you could not help but laugh at your friend’s incredulous expression.

“You- we, we are going to get in trouble with the dean you know. And the counselors,” he said, trying to bite down the smile that kept rising when he remembered the expression on the assaulted student’s face.

“We’ll be fineeeee,” you shrugged your shoulders and stretched your letters. “Haven’t you gotten into more trouble with the head administration with your little controversial experiments? Besides, if we’re lucky, he’ll be too scared to report the incident,” you laughed, completely nonchalant about what you just did.

“Hmph. The blame is on you if anything happens,” he attempted to speak in an irritated voice, but he could not help but be amused. A bit elated, even. There were many people he wanted to see get chucked with a textbook. And do worse things too.

But a bit of the thrill came from how you did that with no hesitation. It was a… strange feeling to have someone do that for him. Actually, this whole relationship was strange. You were strange. Even he felt strange. He was honestly a straight-up asshole to you sometimes, like he was to everyone else. But that didn’t drive you off. You still did things for him. You still spoke to him. You didn’t want anything in return, not money, not knowledge, not relics, but perhaps what you did want was-

Zandik stopped that line of thoughts in its tracks, trying to ignore how his hand was all tingly from you holding it. Things were fine this way, he declared. He could not admit he was enamored with you. Nothing needed to change. He had to maintain his view of you, otherwise… 

“You know, I’m surprised I even got you to do that. Did you hit your head too?”

“Shut up.”

Zandik hated you.

(You two did get into trouble. The Akademiya assigned you an apology essay which Zandik refused to do so you had to write two separate essays for each of you. With some begging, he did your homework for you in return, and somehow managed to get the blood stain off of that textbook you had thrown. You didn’t question where he learned that.)

V. kindness

It had been years since that fateful day, the time when you first moved in with Zandik. The Akademiya was a long and arduous grind, but that was to be expected. Your friendship with Zandik was one you cherished more than most things.

To say the two of you were close was an understatement. You still remember the counselor’s expression when you told her how well the two of you were getting along, and that there was no need for you to ever switch roommates. You think she became afraid of you too after that.

Tonight was a relaxed night. Zandik and you were not doing any work, simply laying side by side on his bed. (Even though he always threw fierce words at you, you knew he liked your touch.)

In the beginning, you would never be able to tear him away from that desk, but with time comes new things. You were just happy he was getting more hours of sleep.

The two of you lied in the dark as usual, simply enjoying the cool Sumeru breeze and the muffled noises from the city. You learned to grow content with these simple moments. But tonight you felt like talking.

“Hey, Zandik?”

“Hm?”

“Remember when you met me?” You could feel his head shift to look at you, probably for asking such a dumb question.

“Yes, I do. Too well, actually.”

“What was your first impression of me?” you questioned, realizing you never actually asked him that.

“That you were quite annoying and a thorn in my side.”

Anyone else might have been hurt by these words, but you did not mind. He made it pretty obvious that was how he felt in the beginning anyway, so it was no surprise. “But what about now?”

“You’re fine.” Even in the dark, he could feel your pout and pleading eyes. “And your intelligence and helpfulness deserve to be praised, I suppose.” And then he could feel your smile grow as your face was partially on his shoulder. From then the conversation flowed through many things. That research paper you two were working on, some kind of experiment he wanted to do on you (he swore it was painless), about that one scholar who was always annoying during the lectures.

The more you spoke, the more you realized how much of your life centered around being with Zandik here. You didn’t know if you ever wanted to graduate. To ever be apart from him.

“You know, I’ve been thinking. How long do you think we’ll live here?”

“Hmm, it’s hard to say. The benefits the Akademiya provides are far too good to let go of now. Speaking of that, there’s somewhere I want to visit.” 

“Oh, you mean those hidden ruins you think are connected with Khaenri’ah?” How nice it would be if you could just drape your arm over his chest.

“Yes. Though I don’t know if the Akademiya will let me make another trip back to the desert as of right now,” he pondered.

“Are you referring to how you’ve been on the Matra’s watch list for years? So they started following you everywhere?” you giggled.

“Not just me. You too, [Name],” he rolled his eyes. “At least I never threw a book at someone in public.” You pouted and playfully punched his arm.

“C’mon, that was so long ago! You can stop bringing it up!” you whined. He would never let that go, huh? The conversation died down from there, but it was a comfortable silence, which you loved. After that little banter, your eyes began to droop and you yawned. Zandik glanced at you.

“Tired?” You nodded and blearily rubbed your eyes.

“Sleep, then,” he commanded, and you had no qualms with following that. Soon enough, Zandik was the only one left awake, staring out at the open window. He had found these little resting sessions of yours good for clearing his mind. He closed his eyes too. 

Two people, on the same tiny, college-sized bed, arms brushing each other and talking nonchalantly. Totally, two good friends.

Friends. Friends, friends, friends. Long ago, the word left a distasteful feeling in his mouth, and it still did, but not for the reason he originally felt. Now, what he desired was more complicated.

Zandik hated you.

VI. endless

Zandik knew he would be expelled from the Akademiya soon, for the crimes he committed. And yet, instead of preparing for any future plans, he found himself following the directions of a note you left on his workbench. Meet me at our usual spot, 8 PM.

He was a busy man, more so in soon-to-be exile. He didn’t have time for your frivolous games. But for some reason, he found himself heading over to the cliff anyway. It was dark outside, but the stars illuminated your figure, and that was when he noticed the basket next to you as well. You noticed him and sat up eagerly.

“Hey, you made it! I was worried you wouldn’t come, to be honest.”

“...What is this?”

“Eh? A picnic, of course. The weather is real perfect for one.”

He was so astonished that the laugh building in his throat could not come out immediately. Surely you were aware of what he had done? Practically everyone in the Akademiya knew. You couldn’t walk for five minutes without hearing rumors floating around. Or perhaps you were that oblivious?

“Oh really?” His familiar, eerie laugh that you loved finally rang out. “Did a Ruin Guard finally toss you around well enough? Only an idiot wouldn’t know what I’ve-”

“I mean, do killers not like picnics anymore?” You replied so nonchalantly, he was actually a bit shocked. 

“You’re… you’re frustrating,” he murmured.

The way you managed to make him so tongue-tied all the time made him itch to put you in your place, to snap back somehow, but he found himself unable to lately. Actually, he struggled to do that for a while now, and he despised how you made him feel like a bumbling fool.

“Heh, perhaps some of your unhingedness rubbed off on me,” you shrugged, patting down the spot next to you. “Look, I made samosas for you again.”

The blanket was soft and comfy, and though he didn’t care much for the flavors of food, he did enjoy your cooking. You continued to polish off your meal before you spoke again.

“So, I hear you’re going to be expelled soon.”

“Correct. Though I care little for this place, it’s a shame to lose a suitable environment for my research.”

“Have you decided where you’re going? I’m sure you’re not planning to stay exiled in the desert for the rest of your life,” you hummed. “Leaving this country, perhaps?”

“That seems to be the most logical action. There is nowhere in this nation that would fund my research.”

“I see. You’re going far away from here.” Zandik nodded in reply, but the more he thought about it, the more irritated he felt. Far away from here meant far away from you.

To think he felt no remorse for murder but he felt a tingle of emotion (sadness? regret? anger?) at no longer being with you. Whatever it was, it left a bitter taste in his mouth. He loathed to admit it, but he enjoyed your company. He enjoyed dragging you out of bed in the morning, and he enjoyed you dragging him to bed at night. He enjoyed your bantering, your inquisitive nature towards his work. He enjoyed being the only person you’d treat like this and having one person to himself. Zandik enjoyed you, thoroughly and fully.

“Well, keep me updated. I already got my bags packed and ready to go.” 

“What?” A quirk of yours, he realized, was being able to leave him surprised at the most unpredictable times. Although scholars must plan for every possibility, he found it difficult to prepare for yours.

“I’m coming with you, of course. You’re gonna need your number one assistant with you. Hey, why’d you stop eating? We still need to get through the Padisarah Pudding.”

“You? Accompany me?” All of a sudden, everything made perfect sense. Yes, of course! You were right, he thought, as a fit of laughter overcame him. It was a splendid idea, one that pleased him immensely. Having you with him would be a great asset for his research. No one suited the role better than you. And you, in general, were… nice. You didn’t grate on his nerves like everyone else.

“Ha! Good! Amazing, even! I shall be sure to tell you when we depart from this nation of fools.” You raised your eyebrows at his sudden enthusiasm, but witnessing Zandik’s bursts of inspiration was nothing new to you either. 

“Well, glad to see you’re so keen on it,” you chuckled. “But I have a request. Actually, it’s more like something I have to say to you before we embark on this. It’s crucial, really.”

“Oh? Do tell.” He wasn’t rich, but he had the ability to procure a wide variety of items. The Nation of Wisdom was more corrupt than one would think. But he did wonder what you would ever want. You didn’t chase after material goods like the majority of humans.

“To be frank, I like you,” you declared, looking right into his eyes. At that moment, it felt like the world had gone silent. The wind stopped blowing, the animals lied low, the grass no longer rustled. “I like you. I want to be more than just friends with you,” you stated bluntly. You felt that getting straight to the point was the best course of action with Zandik, since many things besides his research and manipulating people tended to go over his head.

“So, what do you say?”

There was no response. You attempted to build your case.

“By the way, did you think I’d go through all this trouble if I didn’t want to be with you? I didn’t dorm with you for no reason, you know.”

“...”

“For such a smart guy, you aren’t very good at this, are you? Well, I can’t be too mad. I’ve been dealing with the denseness for a few years now. You know, I’ve been making the first moves this whole time.”

“...” 

The lack of response was beginning to make you nervous. You preferred the maniacal laughter of rejection at this point. “H-hey, I’d like a reply, you know. You don’t need to accept-”

Zandik thought. And he found that the words he spoke next were genuine.

“I find you… agreeable as well.”

You couldn’t help but throw your head back and laugh, shoulders now relaxed. “Why, such an amazing compliment from the high and mighty Zandik has me even more lovestruck!” He wanted to be mad, he really did, but it was at this moment he understood what it meant to be mesmerized by another person. He had found himself mesmerized by ancient machines, ruins, texts, his research. But he truly found you beautiful, your giggles echoing through the night.

“I’m agreeable, yes?” You turned to face him, your body leaning in closer to his. “Am I agreeable enough to do… this?” You tentatively glided your fingers over his hand, gauging to see how far Zandik would let you go. He stiffened at the foreign contact, clearly unused to it, but let you continue.

“What about this?” You slid your hand up and down his arm, keeping your eyes on his face the whole time. He tried not to show any emotions, besides a half-hearted scowl, but you could still see the red tips of his ears. He was so cute.

You scooted closer to him and let your other hand rest on Zandik’s thigh. “I think I’m much more than agreeable in your books,” you teased, cupping his cheek. He scoffed in response but did nothing to refuse your advancement. You leaned in and connected your lips with your lover’s. It felt damn good. Zandik had no idea what he was doing, but it was endearing nonetheless. You kissed him again, and again, and he reciprocated, albeit a little awkwardly. Your heart soared as you pulled away, and placed a few final kisses on his cheeks.

“Now, how did that feel?” You already knew the answer to that, of course. You knew Zandik for a long time, and could tell when he was in a shitty mood, a bad mood, a grumpy one, an excited one, a happy one, and much more. This mood was one you haven’t seen until now, but it sure was a good one. Completely flustered was a great look on him.

“I… I cannot come to a definitive answer as of now. I would say that I need to carry out some more experiments to reach a conclusion.”

“Oh? Then I’m a willing participant for however long as you want,” you smiled, finding comfort in his soft, teal locks. 

And that’s when Zandik truly realized. You were more tolerable than the rest. You were bearable enough to want to keep you around forever. Smart enough for him to desire to hear your honeyed voice. Soft enough to want to feel your skin against his. Ah, he would never say it though, as he brushed his lips over yours once again.

Zandik loved you.

[tuliptic]

"You're the death of me," they said. But why? And how?

Piles go from left to right, photos are taken by me, everything is literally by me. And I do not consent my work being used by third parties in other websites as well.

Now. Breathe in with me, and then breathe out. Picked your pile? Let's find out what are the answers

Disclaimer: This is solely for my entertainment purposes. Take only whatever you feel like it. If it doesn’t resonate, it’s okay to just drop it. 

Content warning: Sexual topics mentioned briefly without much details. Just to let y’all know beforehand.

Decks used: Luna Cat Tarot Deck (Major Arcana), Kawaii Tarot Deck, Sweet Dreams Oracle Deck, Starcodes Astro Oracle Deck, self made decks.

Pile 1:

With The Emperor being the overall energy in this pile, what I’m seeing here is some self demanding, where you have high expectations of yourself, and others as well at times. You have your idea of how you hold your destiny, and you often expect the same of others, probably why you may feel weird that people are not willing to improve or why would you have an FS and all those questions. Change is also very prominent here, where you live for changes, and changes often come to you. What I’m mainly feeling here is a soulmate relationship (there’s The World and The Lover) coming out for you in other places and… Yeah, just take it as you see fit. Cuz with all the questions you have about yourself and others, your FS is still head over heels, madly thinking about you all time.

Emotional attraction: Three of Cups rx 

Pfft for some feeling, your FS might want to start a fling with you, something short, something not so serious. But oh how the tables have turned, cuz seeing you with how you’re not someone to mess with may make them want to have you. It’s the cliche “I can fix him” trope, except you have no intention of fixing anyone. It’s just they’re learning from you about the ways of life and have been slowly seriously attracted by you. And they change. There’s a Death card in the entire reading and it symbolizes the dying of old ways and embracing the new ways. The catalyst? It’s you. They’re changing for the better because of you as they wanted to be the right one to be by your side, to be someone you’re willing to show off.

Emotional addiction: Eight of Cups rx 

And now we come to this card. Do y’all know one of the messages for this card is fear of change? There we go! There’s a lot of fear in your FS, but that somehow gets them more addicted to you. Fear of you leaving, fear of being left behind in terms of work progress or status in life, and many other more fears. You never wanted him to feel those emotions, but they just… Sorta has it. Prolly cuz of the trauma they experienced when they were younger. But all these fears just made them want to be better, pushed them to be better to be your equal. No, not masochistic tendencies but just… You. It’s all because it’s you and they want to achieve what you’ve achieved, so that you can look into their eyes and say “I noticed you, I saw you, I’m looking at you now.” kinda thing. 

Physical attraction: The Fool rx

This pile is starting to make more and more sense cuz The Fool in reverse gives me the feeling of maturity, as it’s the opposite of a fun and new beginning. You prolly have had a lot going through in your life, specifically school, career or family. Hence, there’s this old soul kinda vibe in you, where you may unconsciously present the more mature side of you. You may be young, yes, but people tend to say you look older than your age because of how your eyes focus on things, how your thoughts have formed you to be who you show to the outer world. Which was probably what made them want to have a fling with you because they wanted to see what it’s like beneath that hard shell.

Mental stimulation: Six of Cups rx

Honestly speaking, at this point I’m already tired of talking about mental maturity here but still the cards are telling me that. As your FS gets to know you more, they noticed that you’re working on yourself more and that you’re resolving any childhood issues, any traumas that have made you who you are today. While you appreciate being the strong you right now, wounds still need to be healed. This part of it just makes them amazed. They’ve prolly never needed to go through this and don't know the difficulties in healing your inner child. But they are willing to learn. They wanted to know more about you, about how amazing you’ve flourished, and they fall in love with you again and again.

Other forms of addiction: Knight of Swords rx

-Covers face in agony- ‘Aite let’s get back in. Your FS prolly has a tendency of annoying you just to hear whatever sarcasm or witty words you’ll be throwing back at him. I swear to god I don’t think they have a masochistic personality but the cards seem to tell me otherwise. ANYWAYS. Back to what we’re talking about here. They prolly like how you (lightly) hit them when they said something annoying or cheesy, since you’re prolly not very used to them. Or maybe they teased you a lot, thinking you didn’t know what they’re talking about, while you understood every single word and retorted back in the same way/language.

Remember what I said earlier in the first paragraph? About this being a soulmate relationship? Yeah. There may be fights and disagreements in life, but y’all know how to resolve it instead of sweeping it under the carpet. You both understand the importance of connecting with each other and that’s one thing that’s very telling. You two attracted each other into your lives and you slowly let go of whatever self criticism you have.

Ooh, one thing I need to share with you is that they like you, they love you a lot. They may act all nonchalant or fun and cheesy, but deep down in their hearts they’re really REALLY madly in love with you. They want you to hug them and to love them, just like how much they love you, just like how much their life depends on you showering them with the love they crave for. They are your other half, and y’all need to explore the ways of balancing the relationship because the past may be a ‘lil rocky.

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Pile 2:

The overall energy of this pile is hella intense. When the two cards fell out, I wanted to take only one but then upon looking at them, yeah they're gonna be a pair, cuz it's The Tower and The Devil. Personally I feel that there's no black and white in the energy present here. It's just, intense. No it's not all over the place, it's just at a place and it's building its strength there. 

I'm trying to keep this PG 13 but not gonna lie, it does give me a huge sexual energy between the both of you. No one should be judging you on that, not even yourself. Some may be easily sexually attracted to other people so yeah.

Emotional attraction: The Chariot rx

They like how things build up, letting the pining and tension between you two simmer. Or maybe how you’ve put a distance between you and them, only allowing them to slowly approach you. They like the pursuit, the chase, the patience and strategic planning to approach you. It's like... Extending the sexual tension in between you two. Yes it's there but instead of raving and rushing through it, it's gonna be like... Let it level up slowly until you're madly in love with them, until you can't think of anyone else other than them. 

Emotional addiction: Eight of Pentacles

They get hooked onto you by seeing how you've been working on yourself, how you've been wanting to master a particular skill, or multiple skills. I'm not surprised if this pile is learning a lot of things and wants to get good at it. Them seeing you getting better at saying the corniest pick up line just makes them fall for you even more. The way you focus on getting your shit done? Perfect. It'll make them torn cuz they want you to do your best and yet they also wanna kiss you and tell you that you're amazing. Honestly speaking, having both is possible you'll need to tell them that.

Physical attraction: Page of Swords

There's this youthful look/glow that you have. It's not gonna be about the appearance but the energy you give out. Probably have air influence in your rising sign (signs, degrees, Mercury, Venus or Uranus conjuncting your AC). There's this liveliness that you expressed when they first noticed about you, and that constantly be one thing they looked for in you. They love the air energy of yours and will get worried if you're not as upbeat as you were, or not as witty as you used to be. For some reason, the way you send text may also say something about it? Do you use a lot of emojis in your text? That too.

Mental stimulation: Six of Pentacles rx

Shrewd with your words. You're actually someone who's really smart and has a lot of concrete knowledge. Instead of the air type of intelligence, where one knows a lot of things and random knowledge, your sort of intelligence is something that you've learnt throughout the years, through your pains and tears. Those are what we're talking about here. And it's gonna take a lot of probing and coaxing from their side to get to know you better. You're the exact opposite of an open book; you're a sealed book. And guess what? They have the magic key to unseal you. You trust them and are willing to share about yourself, but those were already ingrained and you, to the point you don't know how to tell your story, which part of the plot to focus on and all. And this is what stimulates them the most.

Other forms of addiction: Two of Pentacles

For some reason, this balance over here is giving me peak Libra energy, of wanting things to be fair and square. Yess boo I'm looking at you. Instead of talking about addiction, it's more of how they're attracted to your need to have things in balance, and want things to be fair, equal give and take, especially in terms of money. It's giving me the feeling of gift gifting, where you match the same with your FS. 

Another thing I'm picking up on is that you tend to have great guts or intuition on certain things with people around you, for people around you. But not towards yourself. It's time to trust your feelings cuz there will be a lot of downloads from the universe coming to you, and you're called to accept the changes coming your way because that's what your FS is bringing every single day. If you're single, it's time to manifest your dreams, desires and goals.

You activated so many potentials in your FS, expanded the view they have towards the world. This partnership that you two share holds a lot more meaning that you could never think of. Juno is significant here too so you may check your Juno sign in astrology.

Also, don't hide things from your FS because you think it's too much for them. They rather two to share the burden instead of you shouldering everything. You guys will share a lovely marriage together, so please let your thoughts out and share them together. They're prolly insecure as well, and they are head over heels with you cuz you're always in their head, making them unable to think of anything else. You're literally the death of them.

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Pile 3:

The overall energy that you give your FS is that you’re not one to be messed with, that you have this air of regality over you, and you’re sitting in your throne, knowing what you want and what you work for. You steer your way through the sea of life, no matter how hard and harsh the waves may be. These all made your FS head over heels for you, cuz the confidence you have is different from the atrocities others have.

Emotional attraction: Wheel of Fortune

This card appeared twice in the entire spread and I really like to think that this is a fated connection, something that’s like soulmate. They’re somehow attracted to you upon meeting you or interacting with you, and slowly but surely, they fell for you. Sounds cliche, but that’s what the cards say, not me. Also, instead of saying it’s purely fate, I strongly believe that you’ve been working on yourself and your FS sees that. Whatever effort you’ve put in working with yourself is seen. They see it and acknowledge it, appreciating how you’ve strived to make yourself a better person.

Emotional addiction: Nine of Pentacles rx

Somehow somewhat, there’s this sense that they like how you’re not independent at times. You’re sitting on your throne, having everything and anything you want. Yet sometimes, you just want to act spoiled and lean on someone while not giving a shit with the responsibilities in life. They like how you trust them to the point you let your shield down with them, allowing them to see your most vulnerable side and letting them pamper you. With this, it makes it seem that they have a reason to stay by your side, although they know very well that the entire relationship is balanced.

Physical attraction: Six of Pentacles

The way you’re generous with the people in need, the people you care for, and most importantly, generous with yourself. It’s very obvious in how you care for people, and there may be a chance that one of your love languages is gift giving. But yeah, that is something that caught their attention, especially when you spend money to "decorate" yourself, and people also do the same for you because you helped them too. Something here gives me the feeling that some of you may like having inks on you, or have the habit of writing things/reminders on your hands. Man imagine you writing something on your hand and your FS just takes your hand over in theirs to see what you've written. That just happened in my head okay.

Mental stimulation: Page of Wands

Creativity is something that links you both together. You both have some artistic traits that you two interrelate. For some reason, I thought of one composing music for a poem the other wrote, or one drawing a comic for a fic the other wrote. You both like to keep things fresh and explore various topics, and they enjoy their time with you a whole lot cuz it's never boring or dull with you. There's also a touch of youth here where they feel like they're constantly learning new things about the world, learning new things about your interests, and most of all, learning new things about you. There are so many layers to you and they'd love to understand you and get to know you more.

Other forms of addiction: Four of Cups rx

Once again, instead of saying there's addiction, I feel that this card here tells that you've freed them from their stagnation, from whatever they've been holding in the past, and all they focus on right now is to see how they can move forward with you in the future. Just a scenario to explain this: They may have had a crush in the past and it's just difficult to move past. But then you appeared and slowly replaced the crush he had on the other person, and now they're focusing on you, with every intention to grow with you instead of standing in the same place. It's as though their eyes are now opened and they know what they want to focus on, and they work on it. 

The theme of stagnancy is pretty prominent in this reading, and it's highly cuz of you. This is something very different from what I've written above cuz this is definitely you. You've been unwilling to get out of your shell, only wanting to stay in your mind. And at times, this trait of yours makes them want to shake those thoughts out of your head. High possibilities that you may feel yourself are unworthy of love and think that no person that charming and attractive will be romantically interested in you. 

This is your calling to surrender the self-limiting beliefs and to welcome the new magic into your life. It's difficult, yeah, but baby steps. I believe this community is with you to celebrate every little success you've achieved. Time to put this coping mechanism of not wanting to feel disappointment and rewire the thoughts that failure is never a disappointment. We're all just small beings in life so what's wrong in falling a little? You're not gonna be like Evergreen being stuck at the Suez Canal anyways.

By surrendering the old past, only you will be awakened and will be reborn into limitless possibilities, heck, even things you've never been able to imagine. Your guides are watching over you and have wanted to work with you, to show you the miracles of life, to show you how wonderful the world can be, how abundant in blessings and support you are.

There are times that your FS may wanna confront you and your toxic behaviours and you may question if you were meant to be together. But know that even the best team out there takes time to work together. That's the same with you both, where you two are the strongest combination you'll ever have to venture into a future together. You're their first and their last, and they wanna hold your hand and dance with you. Don't think lowly of yourself, you can't imagine how lonely they feel without you by their side and how much they want your presence.

You may not see it now, but you're a butterfly. When the time comes, you will be reborn again and transformed anew.

[boatshoesdude]

A collection of the sunshine court quotes I highlighted for some reason or another

Jean is going to be a sassy fucker for sure

I don’t know why out of all things but this hurt. This really really hurt

A common Neil occurrence

THE SWITCH OVER TO NEIL FROM NATHANIEL HES MAKING PROGRESS

Oh babe…

This man is trying so desperately to find comfort in anything. I’m rooting for him.

AARON MENTION LETS GO

The family which the foxes have built :,) I’m so proud of them

DO UOU HEAR THAT???? ANDREW AND NEIL ARE CAUGHT IN EACH OTHER’S GRAVITY

ALABAUISBSAHAK WYMACK HAS HAS ENOYGH OF NEIL FOR A LIFETIME AND THEN SOME

Jeremy. I can tell he going to take good d care of this boy. I like him.

This entre page made me just viscerally angry. Oh boy this wasn’t even the beginning of it.

He is looking out for him 07 good man

This is another page that hurt. He’s trying. He’s trying so hard and he’s so tired.

PROGRESS!!!!

Jean Moreau. You deserve the world but the world does not deserve you.

He… he had a sister. He had a sister and he took good care of her. I’m okay. I’m so okay.

JEAN BABE THOSE ARE HIS TOP SURGERY SCARS YOU CANT JUST SAY TAHT TO PEOPLE.

also it’s the the scars themselves that are the problem, Jean, it’s how you got them, Jean. TRANS REP LETS GOOOOOOOO

Yes babes let’s go

I love that feeling

OH THEY WERE KEVINS

Kevin once again being jeans lifeline is something that can be very personal actually

HES ADDING MORE THINGS!!!!!

Canonically a drown rat 😭😭😭

Mother Hen TM Jeremy is a favourite of mine

This describes everything you need to know about our boy Neil Josten

DOES ANDREW KNOW YOURE DOING THIS??? IS HE PROUD???

He knows how to sew. He sewed up her dress. I’m going to cry, he’s so caring and loving and sweet and the world had been nothing but cruel to him

HA

I’ll take care of you; it’s rotten work; not to me, not if it’s you

overall 8/10 book I love Jean and Jeremy and Cat and Laila and can’t wait to see them in the next book as Jean continues to heal but I hope to cry less next time

[marengogo]

Rambling in INFJese - Part 10: Queerful In South Korea

SGMB and RPWP focused playlist

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

🐺 — 🐺 — 🐺—

Gurls, Bois and Enbies … Hellooooooooooo 📢 Yes, I’m finally, officially, back from my travels.

Am I feeling relaxed and refreshed?

NO.

In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m more tired than when I left 😬. You see, there was more excitement than I thought, or even budgeted for, but, lowkey highkey I knew it was going to turn out like that, so, it was what it was and it was unforgettable 😊💜. 

Now, on to the topic of today!

As the title kinda spoils, I would like to bring forth the topic of queerness in present day Korea, touching upon specific sub-subjects within this main-theme, which you will discover as you keep reading.

In order to provide more context and understanding, I’ll have to bring up a bit of Geography, a tad of Politics and a lot of History, and let me make this clear, even though I have been out of politics for quite some time I used to be very invested in world politics … I am presently indeed somewhat annoyed, because there seems to be a lot of misinformation that has been going around with regards to what it might mean to be gay/queer person in South Korea, in the big year of 2024, which is why I’d also like to encourage us to be proactive and do some research, on our own, with the available resources that are out there. I know it sounds heavy, but I promise I’ll try and make it as least cumbersome, and as much relatable to what might concern all Queer people, and JK and JM of course, as possible ✌🏾.

Let’s start with some Geography.

Asia … is a big ass continent. Because it is so big, amongst the people who make these kind of decisions, it was decided that this continent would have to be divided into 5 regions: Central, East, South, Southeast and West. The regions we are going to be concerned with are East and Southeast also known as ASEAN. The East has a total of 8 countries, out of which we are going to focus on 4 being; China, Japan, South Korea and Taiwan, while the Southeast has a total of 11, out of which we are only going to concentrate on 1, being Thailand … aaand that was all for Geography; painless right?

Great. So now it is time for some of History. We are now going to be talking about the history of the BL genre and the Queer art genre within two particular cultures; Eastern and Western.

BL, otherwise known as Boy’s Love, is a genre that was born in Japan in the 1970s. To properly discuss the world of BL it would take way too many blogs, so I’m afraid I won’t delve too deep into it, but in order to proceed with our discourse I need for everyone to at least understand the substantial difference between, for example, a series like The Eight Sense and Heartstopper. The first is a BL and the other is a Queer Coming-of-Age Drama. These two series are the I most point out very positive outcome of a lot of struggle and progress within both the BL and Queer art genre through the years.

The East and BLs - BL was created by women to be consumed by other women in Japan. It had nothing to do with creating content for gay/queer people, and this is very fundamental for everyone to understand. The thing is that it doesn’t matter where in the world you are, if you are or were a girl/woman you know the struggles are real. Different parts of the world deal with this frustration in different ways, and Japan and eventually the other 4 Asian countries I listed above found this to be one of them. The BL genre is basically having two men in a forbidden relationship, driven by mad passion, and who would always choose each other over the rest of the world. Star crossed-lovers where one of them would always be the Seme/Top or male-male and the other the Uke/Bottom or female-male. At the core of it all, BL was intended to be escapism, which eventually turned into fetishism and now can be all the above and something else entirely; evolution aye?

Mainly Asian women perhaps used BL to feel like their opinions and emotions could matter, in an environment where like also many other countries in Africa men are the ones that have the last say, or just any say at all. So they fulfilled their fantasy of being heard, and having power, while at the same time having the “strongest/most ideal” of men fall desperately in love with this male version of themselves. It is obviously much more complex than my two line sentence explanation, but for now, kindly keep this image in your mind.

Moving on!

The West and Queer Art - The queer genre in the West for the longest time was almost always a guaranteed tragedy. Interestingly enough, even though the first movie that mentioned homosexuality was in the 1960, the beginning of Queer culture in movies was, also for the West, in the 1970s. I can’t tell you the amount of books and films I have read and seen in my day says the woman in her thirties LOL and, despite the heart-wrenching looming tragedy, I would still enjoy finding comfort during those few chapters/scenes when the couple/pairing was happy, even though I knew for a fact that either one of them or both would die, or be eternally separated, or some other kind of tragedy.

The funny thing is that I would just accept it, because why not? Is not like my reality showed any different. It wasn’t like I was aware of happy and successful queer people around me, so why would I expect to read or watch anything else? Also I am a nasty ass angsty person so really I have no excuse. 

… are y’all following me thus far?

Now, let’s take a bit of a leap into the 2000s where money-makers finally clocked in on the fact that there is mad-money that can be made with BL in the East and Queerness in the West. In the East we start adopting fanservice within boybands and Asian-Dramas, we start printing thousands of BL mangas, and producing as many animes to match. In the West we keep having the token queer comedian appear on every show as well as making movies of historic queer figures who have impacted the world somehow, so that the queers can feel represented, even though all the actors are for the most part straight, because at this point in time, even though we acknowledge that Queer people exist, coming out is still very meh.

As the 2000s progress and we enter the 2010s thanks to actual progress within some western countries, the interweb and social media it becomes increasingly easier for an Eastern Fujoshi/Fudanshi/Fujin (Bl lover girl/boy/enby) to find themselves in say the UK, which has areas that breathe queerness and queer history and for a Western Queer to find themselves in say Japan where they can easily buy a manga about “queers” in happy relationship or, somewhere in South Korea, can easily see two very attractive boys/girls from a random kpop band openly kiss.

And then, in the midst of this “cultural” exchange, and awakening, something happens.

The Eastern Fujoshi/Fudanshi/Fujin realise that there are actual real queer people in the world sounds stupid, but believe me, it is not. That queer people are not just characters in a book, or anime, and that in fact there really are people in the world who are for example of the same sex and truly wanna be together and, if gay, for example, can also be both very masculine and still want to be together. At the same time the Western Queer realise that they actually can be happy, and that they deserves a happy ending, because some of this BLs aren’t half as bad and they sometimes make valid points and then you find out that actual queer people are now also writing BLs so things start to make some sense. 

As I mentioned, society was also changing, Queer people in the West started gaining a few rights, such as being able to get married in America and some European countries, and as a consequence, in the following decade, we now have series and movies that have Queer protagonist, with happy endings to boot! In the East, things are either not moving at all or moving a bit differently, or kinda slowly, but still it is movement. Within the countries that are moving differently, talking about Queerness is still heavy but has finally become something that they “don’t mind” just talking about and the gay neighbour is actually seen as the gay neighbour, whether they will talk to them is debatable, but at least they are recognised as such and not absurdly explained away or their existence ignored.

Now back to geography. The reason why I mentioned those 5 countries (China, Japan, South Korea, Taiwan and Thailand) is because at some point in the 2010s they were the main producers, and consumers, of BL within the Asian continent, and yes, while still being hella homophobic and, but let’s be real for a second, queer people have been around since the beginning of time, so even though BL was made and intended for women, our Queer Eastern Siblings would find a way to secretly also consume BL, being the closest thing to reading about a queer relationship, so added to the westerner consumption as well, it is no surprise that these 5 countries suddenly had a boom, despite having been being homophobic. 

Hence, it can be said that these 5 countries were on the same wavelength in the early 2010s, but what about now? With the considerable change in behaviour and thought with regards to Queer people in these countries in the early 2020s where do these 5 countries stand with regards to their Queer people and politics? Well, China has now banned BLs entirely, and I will not delve into their further lack of queer rights. Taiwan and Thailand have legalised Queer marriage. Then there is Japan which is making progress towards trying to legalise Queer marriage with to my greatest joy a successful ruling that happened this year in March related to same-sex unions … so, what about South Korea?

Well … SK is so close 🥹 … Yet so far 😫

It’s like they are taking 4 steps forward and 3 steps backwards, constantly. They are well far from China-levels which is a fucking relief I tell you! but they are dragging their feet to be at Japan-levels (and Japan is very close to Thailand and Taiwan Queer status currently). Yet, it is not as negative as it seems, or as some people try to portray it. You look around social media and they depict SK as if it were China. SK is currently facing a situation where it notices that things are changing and change is scary y’all. Resistance is the usual reaction to change, and the older generations, mainly those led by the Christian groups are not really where is at. SK’s youth and older liberal generations hold the answer to the Queer Korea questions.

So what exactly makes SK look hopeful? Well, time to get back to some History again 😘

The first Queer organisation in SK was formed in 1993 by 3 gay men and 3 lesbian women. The following year the 6 separated into 2 groups and formed the first gay organisation and the first lesbian one respectively. In 1997 we have the first demonstration for gay and lesbian rights, which then lead into 2000, the year of the first Pride Parade, which is one of the events of the very first Seol Queer Culture Festival Daegu Queer Culture Festival will be created in 2009, do keep this in mind … but another major event happened in the year 2000.

Y’all know that saying X walked so that Y could run? Well Hong Seok Cheon was basically forced to walk so that Queer Korean could learn how to properly train to run.

Though Seok-cheon is presently back to being somewhat popular again, his coming out was pretty traumatic. His career as comedian/actor started in 1994 and he was quite popular which landed him a good number of acting roles, and a lot of placements in comedy shows, as well as a kids show. In 2000 he was asked about his sexuality and he had no qualms in replying that he was gay. The show editors decided to cut out that part but a journalist gotta love them 🙃 got a hold of the footage and forced him to “elaborate”. Upon confirming, Seok-cheon lost all his jobs and was shunned verbally abused, discrimination and the lot, oh yes … by his own country. 

Not surprisingly, given that nobody in his own country wanted to interact with him, he at first thought of moving to the US to start afresh, but then decided against it. Seok-cheon decided to stay and prove to everyone in his country that he could make it and be successful again. And that he did. In 2002 he opened the first of what now is a high end chain of 9 restaurants in Itaewon. 2004 he joined the Democratic Labor Party and was selected by Time magazine as the Asian Hero of that year and in the following years Seok-cheon will keep racking up achievements  🎶🎵Did you see my bag? Did you see my bag? 🎶🎵 Namean?! (I’m not gonna list them all but you should definitely look him up and learn a bit about him, if you are interested).

But how does that connect to today? In 2008 he started his own talk show Coming Out and though there was a bit of resistance at the beginning as expected, the youth came in force and he started gaining audiences and boom! He was back on TV and slowly he’d get also a few cameos on prominent media, such as the Netflix drama Itaewon Class. Now let’s leave the lime-light for a second and let's look at the military 😬. It is vitally important that people understand that being gay is not illegal in any of the 5 countries we’ve been talking about yes, even China, but the public opinion and beliefs of each country greatly influence how their queer communities are thought of and treated.

Now, SK Military has become pretty infamous within the queer community for conducting witch-hunts in order to find out and humiliate gay soldiers, so much so that organisations such as Amnesty eventually had to step in. That being said, let's be real real real for a second. Though it is appalling what they have done to the queer soldiers, the SK military was also very famous for hazing, assaulting, causing cadets regardless of sexuality to want to unalive themselves and what more. All of the aforementioned, which put SK’s military on the map in a not so positive light globally, added to the increase in suicides, made the government address the situation, and they eventually came up with solutions such as the buddy system, which was first implemented in 2003. But, back to the gays. The most popular witch-hunt happened in 2017 where two soldiers amongst others were outed, but these particular two were found guilty of having sex off-base, during off hours.

In 2022 this conviction was overturned, the soldiers were no longer guilty and it is now no longer illegal, for queer soldiers, to have sex off-base during off-hours. You know what else happened in 2022? SK aired their first Queer reality shows, one being To Me(a)rry Queer and and the other being His Man. In 2023, His Man 2 will give us our first successful real-life queer couple, who are our beloved couple Junseong and Seongho (together known as Junseongho). They are the first queer couple to ever appear on Dazed magazine and we are all familiar with Dazed, it is not the front page like our boys get, but we all know how big of a deal this is, right?

You know what else happened in 2023? Remember that Daegu Queer Culture Festival I was talking about? The Mayor of Daegu (big Christian sympathiser) tried to stop this festival which includes the Parade and many other events, even though the Court ruled it was okay for the Festival to be carried out. The Mayor gathered other supporters and pulled up to the group, but the Daegu Police protected the Festival and removed the mayor and his “friends” from the premises. This was big and made news worldwide. 

In fact, Daegu’s Queer Culture Festival is the second largest one in the country, after Seoul’s. This is mainly possible because the Local Authorities (such as the police) are quite independent in belief from their present Mayor and the Christian factions. In contrast, for example, Busan’s Queer Culture Festival had a two year run but was then cancelled in 2019. Unfortunately, in Busan, The Mayor, the Local Authorities and the Christian factions are buddy-buddies making it much harder to get protection and permissions, aaaaaand things like that, kids, is why it is super important to vote for your local administration as well.

Even though these are all very important stepping stones, SK is nowhere close to being the UK, obviously. The LGBTQ community still has to get all their core rights being legalised, and queer people can still be subject to random ass attacks, such as the singer Holland had in 2022, which, by the way, also still occasionally does happen in the UK and everywhere else in the Queer World. Which is a general minority reality I’m afraid.

Furthermore, it is still illegal to have sex on base, which the country maintains that they are upholding because they are trying to prevent possible sexual assaults not too mad about this tbh, which is a valid concern, but most importantly they now know that the world is watching and why is that important? Because, for example, even though they are now separated, one of the boys from the Me(a)rry Queer couples enlisted around the same time with JK & JM and from his posts and photo-booth pictures that other soldiers posted of him, he seems to be making friends and to be comfy as comfy as you can get while serving, kinda like Joonie and most likely JM & JK

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Not quite the attitude of someone fearing a witch-hunt, right? But then again, there isn’t much to hunt when you are already out, it is afterall illegal to hunt people and the world is now aware; is there? …

Now back to the general people of SK. According to a survey conducted in 2023 last year, 56% of South Koreans still oppose same-sex marriage (in comparison with only 26% of Japanese). 56% is not bad but then 72% don’t want queer people in their neighbourhoods and  workplace, though 81% think that it is not right to terminate people because of their sexual orientation 4 steps ➡️3 steps ⬅️… … … Basically it’s okay to be queer here as in SK, but not here-here, perhaps over there like a queer only neighbourhood or something which at the moment is the Itaewon district. 

So yes, 2024 Queer SK is still struggling though they are not going to be overtly nasty about it, because the world is watching. I mean, don’t get me wrong, progress is progress and we love to see that, it is actually amazing, but there still needs to be a general environment where LGBTQ rights in SK need to be recognised and for queer Koreans to not be discriminated against in their social/work/family life. It is also great that Queer media is trying to transition more and more from only BL to actual Queer Drama, for example I am really looking forward to watching Love In The Big City which btw also stars Kim Go Eun.

There is still work to be done, but I think Jung Cueri, a lesbian woman who helps with the Seoul Queer Culture Festival, says it best (here is the full article https://www.dw.com/en/why-are-south-koreans-less-welcoming-of-lgbtq-neighbors/a-68698268 ):

“I think the attitudes of younger generations of Koreans are getting better," she said, pointing out that young LGBTQ+ individuals "tend to come out sooner to their families, in their workplaces and schools than my generation because they are more aware of their sexuality through social media and exposure to various discussions that are more tolerant of LGBTQ+ people." And the cultural festival can help to be a catalyst to change further, she believes. "It will get better," she said. "And that is why the organizers and everyone else involved in the festival are working so hard; they know that Korean society will get better, and they want to contribute to that.

From where I stand it seems Hopeful, Queerful, if you may.

So, Fighting!, Queer South Korea!

Always respectfully yours,

Marengo. 

[eighth-house-tarot]

How can you help support the world?

🐾🐛🌱🍄🪴 pick a card 🪴🍄🌱🐛🐾

how to pick (link)

pile 1 🐄 | pile 2 👁 | pile 3 ✨

deck used: tarot of the divine

Pile 1 🐄:

reversed 7 pentacles, the chariot, queen of wands 🃏

In the artwork of the rev. 7 of pentacles card, the fire is upside down. I see this as you feeling very frustrated, and your passion inside you having difficultly being expressed or shared. This frustration can be (imo the most likely reason) because you’re working so hard with no or little reward or feedback, working so hard you aren’t allowing yourself to appreciate your efforts, something else is taking your time, or you’re frustrated with yourself for procrastinating. Listen, you’ve got something pure and good inside you - you’re learning how to bring it into life in the most constructive and wholesome way. The process can be frustrating and that’s okay. Exhale. And if you feel sad because you’re so tired and jaded it feels like that fire in you is going out - it’s not, your light is always there.

The art of the Chariot card reminds me of the Lao Tzu quote (note: new translations have come out, and I’m not sure if this is still the wording)

Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong.

I also think of how all raindrops lead to the ocean. Every little effort you’re doing now naturally leads to the Big Thing you’re working towards or for. Also, I see the salmon as your inner passion’s fire. It “swims” with ease through your new method of effort, and is extremely powerful when you need to call upon it (it can swim and jump upstream after all! to continue the metaphor).

Of course, be aware of “bears” along this river fattening up for winter - share your passion with the necessary people who will earnestly help you / your partners in this action, others only after they’ve shown their actions to be trustworthy, and the public once you’ve made good progress already and your passion has grown so much that there’s a lot of “salmon” in your river! That way, haters, copycats, grifters, and saboteurs can’t effectively touch you or stop you. Protect your idea and energy.

The third card is the Hawaiian goddess Pele or Pelehonuamea representing the Queen of Wands. First off, Blessed Be. 🙏❤️‍🔥🌋

Seeing the goddess of lava and creation of new land, I think of your passion’s fire and the waters of your efforts becoming lava. “Fluid”, molten, “fire” rock! Not only have your efforts and passion become a truly unstoppable force, they are constructive and are creating something real. Something as real and solid and enduring as new land! That’s awesome and amazing! Go you!!

This could be your Big Thing, a new method you’ve created, or a new system. Whatever it is, like land, new growth with come from this. New things and goals will come from This Thing. I think more than you can imagine right now. But please don’t get overwhelmed by that thought, I believe it’s everything you’ve ever wanted. I mean, look how much beauty has come from Pele’s lava. I don’t know if she expected the amazing lush life would grow through her! I believe she followed her natural drive, and the blessings naturally came with it. It also makes me think you should welcome the (legitimately good / effective / constructive) contributions of others.

As you are reaching this point of this card’s meaning, and when you are in it, I believe you should also carry with you the concept of the “orgasmic Yes” from Audre Lorde’s essay “The Uses of the Erotic ~ The Erotic as Power” (to read in full, click this link) - please read or listen to this essay is full. Basically though, what it is that makes you say “Yes!”, fully embodied, completely? No holds barred, totally of You, your desires and true values (not the values forced on you / what you “should” believe)? When you say “Yes!”, does your body feel settled, relaxed, at ease? Always, always follow that.

Last things of note, be mindful not to burn yourself out again, and be mindful of your temper. Let your righteous protective anger destroy or stop what must be destroyed or stopped, but don’t go so far as to hurt what shouldn’t have been hurt. Trust me, people - at this stage - know you can’t be fucked with and that no one can fuck with you. While lava builds, it destroys too. And no one can stop lava - only water can (but fresh lava is still dangerous even in water). Certainly, people can’t stop it, they are at its mercy. Use the waters that brought you here to help cool or redirect your temper when you need to. Also, whatever people are destroying of your “island”, you can stop and build back up.

🦢 ♥︎ much love - Clarissa Liddy ♥︎ 🦢

if this reading helped you, here's more on what I offer if you'd like to support my work you can buy me a coffee or reblog

Pile 2 👁

reversed 10 of swords, reversed Hanged Man, reversed Fool🃏

The first card is the Inuit goddess Sedna, represented in the reversed 10 of swords. Blessed Be. 🙏🦭🧊

I see that you have experienced a deep horrible betrayal, one so cruel you couldn’t have ever thought this was something someone would ever do to another. In case it needs to be said, it’s okay to have never imagined or thought this cruelty was possible. The fault is solely with the one who harmed you. I believe this person was above you - like a boss, mentor, or a more experienced peer. For many reading this, they saw what you are capable of and their ego felt threatened by the thought of losing their position in the power dynamic. They were never doing their work with sincere humility in the first place. If they weren’t someone above you, they were a peer who saw what you would achieve, and felt threatened that they wouldn’t get it first and be able to hold above others. Even if you weren’t acting fairly, or were immature, what happened to you was entirely out of proportion to a reasonable response. Don’t waste your time attempting to rationalize their actions.

In the artwork of the reversed 10 of swords, the imagery tells a gruesome, cruel story. The stories of the goddess Sedna have many different situations that lead to the choice her father makes of complete brutality and betrayal. In some stories, Sedna frustrates others in ways that could be reasonable to be frustrated with - in many, she frustrates others when she is being her authentic self. No matter the reason her father could give for his actions, she was a victim. It doesn’t matter if she was a perfectly “good” person either. Nothing can justify her father reacting to her asking for help, and clinging to the kayak for dear life, slicing her fingers off. Because this card is reversed, I take this as the aftermath. To generalize the aftermath of Sedna’s story, after sinking to the depths of the sea, she doesn’t die. She becomes the Goddess of the Sea. Her fingers become seals, walruses, whales, and fish. Her love, her goodwill, her spirit never left her — for she releases the animals for the hunters who show her love, respect, and kindness in return (when hunters do not give her this, she doesn’t allow the animals to be found). Even though when she is in pain, she is known to be fearsome — she is known for her benevolence most of all. I share this story of the goddess Sedna because you have been treated so cruelly. She and her story show you your pain is real, what happened was not okay, your kind heart is always with you, loving relationships will come again, and that you have ever right to demand respect and enforce your boundaries. It’s is good to be your powerful self, to say no, to refuse to help people who do things for their own gain alone.

In your aftermath (and how I see the reversed Hanged Man), you’ve taken yourself out of this work or group or field. You do feel good that you are giving yourself time to heal. Take as much time as you need to give yourself peace. This could be months, a year, or years. No matter what, go at your own pace. During this time, seek professional help or a support group. Create your own safe space. There will come a day when your passion, your gusto, will return. As per this deck’s artwork of the Hanged Man, Sleeping Beauty, you may feel like you’ve “woken up”.

In the artwork of the reversed Fool, we see the Little Mermaid. I believe this card and it’s message is connected is connected to Sedna, as her Goddess form resembles a mermaid. Now that you have a network of support, and some healing, you are ready to get back out there, go after what you want. You may still feel raw, tender, and upset at times, and Sedna teaches us that that’s okay. To need the help of others is okay (for example, sometimes Shaman’s go to get to help comb her hair when it gets tangled and comfort her when she needs support). The world is wide and there are good people in it. They have the same love you have, the same passion for the cause you care about. Seek them out as you grow in this area. Sincerity seeks sincerity.

🦢 ♥︎ much love - Clarissa Liddy ♥︎ 🦢

if this reading helped you, here's more on what I offer if you'd like to support my work you can buy me a coffee or reblog

pile 3 ✨

reversed 9 of swords (Oedipus), 4 of cups (the Nightingale by Hans Christian Anderson) (<- link), and 7 of wands (John Henry, American folk hero) 🃏

You are almost constantly doing 1 of 2 things: doom scrolling, or absorbing yourself into hyper stimulating media (ex: video / mobile games, ASMR videos, constantly listening to something as you watch something as you do something). I get the feeling you are afraid of, or deeply bothered or frustrated, by silence, stillness, and boredom. 

Do you feel like it’s your responsibility to constantly see and learn of all of the horrors happening, but then get so overwhelmed by them and your emotions that you dive deep into your comfort areas of the internet, and stay there until you fall asleep? And then doom scroll again because you feel guilty for over indulging in unimportant things - and also you just can’t look away? If yes, relatable tbh lol.

The thing about fear though, is when we let it consume us, it often times becomes true - and if they do become true, even worse, we spent so much time being scared that we never prepared ourselves to be able to handle it!

Do you have a habit of sometimes thinking “it’s just the way it is”, “it’s just the way things are”, “things have always been this way”? Or do others day this to you? 

First of all, that’s not true. The only constant is change itself! Secondly, people only say this in defeat of harmful actions. No one, including you, should ever accept abusive actions and circumstances. Thirdly, this way of thinking is taught. 

(/g) Does this line of thinking feel true to your heart?

You crave real connection and the real natural world (this might offend you or be too much of a read - but you basically have an unconscious longing to touch grass). You may be ignoring this craving due to the belief you can't have it, because these connections and opportunities either literally are, or simply feel, unavailable to you. But I feel that you have some level of addiction to the over stimulation of any media, being constantly plugged in. If you’re chronically online to not just distract yourself, but because it’s also your job (like you're a twitch streamer making good money), or how you are organizing community, you still feel like there's something missing in your life. 

Whatever it means to you, that Real Thing that's been missing, that you long for, will find you. Don't dismiss it as “nothing” when you realize it’s there. It is, or will be, in plain sight - right in front of your nose. You just need to look up, and see the forest for the trees (how does that saying go? lol). You’ll know what it is. 

This will be a pivotal moment for you. No matter how this situation applies to you, know that this moment will be so simple or normal, and it's ordinariness will arrest you. It will shock you, in a good way. You'll be eternally grateful for this thing that is so simple, yet existentially amazing. 

You will receive that a-ha moment. You will feel so connected to life and existence (even if for a brief moment).

You will also see how this Thing has been commodified by powerful people, instead of freely existing and sharing its gifts among everyone (as it was meant to be). You may have a small desire to commodify this Thing yourself - don’t do that <3

(this is part of my connection I’m making this reading to the Nightingale fairytale)

You’ll bring something into the tech industry that’s missing. With kindness and humility, you'll bring in and encourage people who have the same caring goals as you. You want to show how humanity can come and work together in a dignified and fair and joyous way, and you absolutely can. 

I got a strong feeling from the cards that this was about you working on artificial intelligence. Like keeping its use in check, creating laws to keep people who create and program AI - and the people who use it - accountable to their actions. You could be creating and coding AI to be able to do more wholesome / not harmful things. You could be working to emphasis the "human touch”, and making it clear when something is made by humans vs AI (with a higher value ascribed to what was made by humans). Your work will not demonize this new tool / tech itself, but you’ll focus on fighting against what ill-willed people intend to use it with. And you’ll do your best to make sure these ill-willed plans and intentions are known through out the general public. Your focuses will be on solidarity, humanity as a whole community, and our quality of life. 

ADVICE

It’s important to stay informed and open to learning, your heart is in the right place. Learning is a constantly moving cycle of receiving information, processing it, resting, reflecting and analyzing, and then asking new questions. Exhale, and know that giving yourself a pause from this subject is actually helping you understand it. Our brains are so amazing!

I think what would help you is giving yourself patience as you transition through each stage of learning. Instead of jumping from info-binging (is that a phrase?) to another activity, you could stop all media for 3-10 seconds, inhale and exhale, and then decide what to do next (and do that each time you do something new). Baby steps will still help you <3

Meet what you fear with love. Love makes us brave, gives us courage, and supports us as we do great things. 

And on the subject of great things, I’m going to give advice that I frankly need to hear too. Don’t get caught up in achieving greatness, because that tends to stop you (it’s often rooted in perfectionism). Focus on the actions that serve people who need great help. Focus on developing great relationships with people who need help, or who want to help. The results of your actions and relationships will be what will bring this great, needed change.

When our egos want to be known for achieving greatness, it’s because we need to be seen, validated, remembered, and loved. Know that you exist because you belong, you are loved, you are seen, you are remembered, and there are so many people you haven’t met yet who love you.

And as a final piece of advice, we are strongest when we work together. When you seek to help others, you need to also allow others to help you. A victory is a team effort.

🦢 ♥︎ much love - Clarissa Liddy ♥︎ 🦢

if this reading helped you, here's more on what I offer if you'd like to support my work you can buy me a coffee or reblog

[55sturn]

can you do chris headcanons of first time meeting- talking stage- finally dating? i loved your husband and dad hcs 💝

omg this is so cute!!

so the two of you would meet in such a causal setting, like y’all are both shopping and he bumps into you and he’s just immediately awestruck by you because you’re so pretty.

for the rest of the day, he’s thinking about you and he’s a little upset he didn’t ask your name, but you guys run into each other later on in the day at some restaurant so he doesn’t let his chance slip.

while chris seems a little shy around girls for the most part, like going off from what we’ve seen of him on tour he’s very reserved but when he bumps into you again later on in the day he gets this surge of confidence and asks your name and for your number.

and you’re not stupid, when this cute guy asks for your number, you’re immediately giving it to him.

the two of you can’t fight the cheesy smiles you’re both wearing or the blush covering your faces as you guys make small talk, despite chris’ brothers rolling their eyes.

flash forward a couple weeks, you two have been talking and flirting constantly.

i mean texting and facetiming non-stop, there’s never a moment in the day where you are not texting chris about anything.

it’s been about a month and chris won’t shut up about the idea of asking you on a date but he’s too nervous to text you and ask, so nick, who you’ve also grown to be friends, takes the liberty of texting you to come over.

and when you show up, chris is completely shocked and is like “what are you doing here?” and you’re like “nick asked me to hang out!” and nick shows up at the top of the stairs and just flat out says “chris i asked her to come over so you can grow some balls ask her out already because i’m tired of you bitching and moaning about it.”

your face goes bright red and chris is about two seconds from launching himself down the front steps because he’s so embarrassed but you stop him,

“so are you gonna ask me?” “what?” “well according to nick you wanna ask me on a date, so are you going to?”

and his confidence is immediately coming back as he asks you on a date to top golf, and of course you say yes.

the date goes incredibly well, there’s never a lull in conversation, which you thought was impossible because you were sure you guys had talked about everything there was to talk about.

but when it’s your turn to hit the ball, you get nervous because you’ve never really played golf and chris, being the slightly cocky little fuck he is, he’s pulling the move, yknow the one where he’s standing behind you with his arms around you and whispering into your ear, turning you into a flustered mess.

you giggle as he does, making him smirk against the side of your head as you hit the ball, surprisingly sending it flying into the field below, so when you do well, you turn around and press a quick kiss to cheek and he’s now the flustered mess.

as the night progresses, you two grow a lot touchier with one another and chris is convinced he’s already in love.

when he drops you off that night, he asks if he can kiss you, and you agree but he has to take you on a second date.

you both feel the whole cliche sparks thing the moment you kiss and when you close the door, you’re both touching your lips and excitedly giggling to yourselves.

it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that you and chris have each other whipped this far, so after the second date he’s asking to be your boyfriend and you’re pulling him inside just so you can make out with him.

[torubeth]

types of kisses with kuroo tetsurou (kuroo day let’s go ! !, ignore that it’s 10 days late lol)

a/n : hiii!! yes, i’m alive :) in my last year of school and fuck it’s been draining every last energy. and secondly, i have zero motivation to write anything but here’s this and i’m proud of it

the ‘i’m sorry’ kiss

how dare he. the audacity of this guy “c’mon baby, i said i was sorry. you know i didn’t mean it” he whined, his figure leaned against the locker next to yours. “yeah whatever” you shut yours hard, turning around to walk to your next class. but before you were out of reach, he grabbed your wrist and pulled you back, your back softly hitting the locker, his lips locking with yours the next second. your eyes widened with millions of thoughts flooding your mind. you were in school, out in the hallways and anyone could walk in and you could- correction, you both could be in big trouble; but a certain someone didn’t seem to care about any of that. your hands clutched his collar, unconsciously bringing him closer to you making him land his hand on the side of your head, the other caressing your cheek. and that brought you to reality, to why you were pissed at him in the first place, making you pull away from the kiss. you tightened your grip on his collar, his face still close to yours “you’re really sorry ?” you eyed him. “i really am sorry. you know i love messing with you and no. your whale diagram does not look like a dick. it looks like a whale”. after a long pause, you let out a soft sigh, followed by a smile “what am i gonna do with you” his eyes light up “let’s make out for a bit mo-” you shoved him and started to walk the other direction “alright! i’m gonna head to class, see ya” and behind you, you could hear a faint ‘dang it!’ making you grin.

the ‘sneaky’ kiss

whatever the teacher was lecturing about entered one ear and immediately left through the other. unlike chemistry, this class was so damn boring. but he didn’t care. why you ask ? because you sat next to him. and turning to look at you, you seemed to have the same boredom expression. your eyes never left the board, shaking your legs out of habit, right hand under your chin, the other playing with a pencil. kuroo swears he could stare at you forever and never get tired because damn, you’re one hell of a view! without a second thought, he leaned in and planted a kiss on your cheek, breaking you out of your trance. a small gasp left your mouth but you smiled nonetheless. “the teacher could’ve caught you baby” you laughed, hand reaching down to lace with his under the table “don’t care. it’s worth it” this tugged at your heartstrings, until he cockily added “plus the teach will never find out, i’m too good at it” making you roll your eyes. needless to say, he got caught while planting his seventeenth kiss and had to write an imposition stating ‘i will not kiss my partner in class’ a hundred times. ‘still so worth it’ he thinks.

the ‘i love you’ kiss

“prepared for the test tomorrow ?” you asked, nuzzling further into the warmth of his palm. “yeah, did you ?” to which he earned a very slow ‘no’. “i tried to, but it just didn’t work. i don’t how you do it tets but you’re amazing at it. you manage your captain duties and studies at the same time. you also got into your dream university. and every time i try to do anything, it either doesn’t go my way or ends up being all wrong. i wanna get it together but i feel like i am not doing any progress and i just want to give up on-” “hey.., listen to me” he cupped your cheeks “you my girl are only seeing the end results. nothing works overnight baby, and it gets so tough to manage everything all the time you know. sure it may seem like i have it all under control but in reality i don’t. none of us do and that’s okay! really. i know how much progress you’ve made and you’re fucking amazing at it, hell! you got it under control better than me. just know that you’re doing great okay ? i’m so fucking proud of you, got that ? i love you” he leaned down and pressed his lips to yours. the gesture making you tear up a bit. “thank you, for that. it was much needed. i love you” you hugged him. “anytime baby, anytime”.

[imagobin]

Can you do one of Winter Prince introducing S/O to Ice!Marceline (not sure if that's what they call that Simon's Marceline, haven't seen all of the show)

Thank you for this request, Anon! Took me some time to get inspiration, but that's a super cute idea! I'm gonna make this into a one shot, feels like it'd fit this scenario best, hope that's okay and that you'll like it!

Genre: Slice of Life 🍃 Word count: 1.6k

Icy Daughter

(Y/n) had been dating Winter King for almost a year now. It was an odd relationship to say the least; they could tell the man had a lot of secrets, but he also seemed to truly love (y/n), so they never really asked questions, confident that the King would slowly give them answers as time went by.

He was a very cryptic man after all; despite the months of dating, he’d only managed to trust (y/n) enough to let them move in in the last month or so, and they could always feel the presence of a little Ice Scout following them around whenever they weren’t with the King himself.

Still, (y/n) loved him and was willing to put up with his odd tendencies if it meant they could make progress in their relationship.

One morning, (y/n) was having breakfast while idly chatting with one of the Ice Scouts, sipping on tea which had gone cold by now due to the table’s icy surface.

Winter King had spent the whole night in his laboratory again, which honestly concerned (y/n). That was one of the rooms they had no access to yet, and they always wondered what in the world he could’ve been up to.

The Ice Scout reassured (y/n), however, that the King was in great condition, and would be joining (y/n) for breakfast soon.

As if on cue, Winter King walked through the lab’s doors, making his way towards (y/n) and wrapping his arms around their shoulders. “Good morning, dear!” He said with a slight softness in his voice.

(Y/n) looked at him and smiled, kissing his cheek, which felt cool to the touch, as usual. They couldn’t help but notice how the King had dark circles under his eyes. “Good morning, love… Did you spend another night awake?” (Y/n) asked, looking into the man’s white eyes.

“Oh, there’s no need to worry about me! You know I’m never tired!” The King replied, forcing out a laugh, before spinning (y/n)’s chair around so they’d be facing him. “Actually… I spent the whole night thinking about something of the utmost importance, and I’ve finally made up my mind on the matter.”

“Thinking… about something?” (Y/n) repeated, widening their eyes, whatever could that be? If it kept him up all night it must’ve been something REALLY crucial, maybe… a proposal?!

Winter King nodded, “yes, since you’ve been with me for a while now, I actually want you to meet someone special”

Oh, so… no proposal. Wait, someone special?! “I thought I knew all your… friends already!” (Y/n) exclaimed, their eyes widening in surprise. Winter King had kept that knowledge away from them for that long? But why would he?

“Weeeell, this isn’t a friend as much as it is family!” The King grinned, taking (y/n) by the wrist and lifting them up from the icy chair, while they stammered, trying to process what the king was telling them. Family? Winter King had a family and he’d never told them?!

“H-hold on just a second, I thought you didn’t have any rela-”

(Y/n) was promptly shushed by his finger gently placing itself on their lips. ”Hush… You’ll understand everything as soon as you meet her, I promise.”

Upon that request, (y/n) stopped asking questions, even if they had MANY, but they knew they’d be answered soon, so they managed to hold them off.

 Winter King led (y/n) down to the castle’s oubliette, where a single room opened up, blocked by icy prison bars. Inside the room, a small Ice Girl with pointy teeth was sitting on her bed, playing an axe-shaped bass.

(Y/n) looked at her in a mix of shock and curiosity.

“Dear, why are you keeping her behind bars?” They asked in a whisper, looking back and forth between the two.

The King looked at (y/n) and laughed, “Oh my fair (y/n), don’t look at me like that… it is simply so I’m certain she’s safe from harm!” He explained.

His laughter alerted the little girl, who stopped playing her instrument and ran up to the bars, clinging to them. “Dad!! You came to visit!” She beamed, watching as the man unlocked her door and walked in alongside (y/n). “Who’s… that?”

Winter King grinned and picked up the little girl. “Marceline, this is (y/n), my partner! I figured today was the perfect day to have you two meet, aren’t they lovely?”

(Y/n) flinched slightly at the compliment and chuckled awkwardly, feeling Marceline’s eyes on them. “Uhm… hello there! I’m happy to meet you, Marceline,” they waved their hand, feeling rather tense. He’d never EVER hinted at having a daughter, and she was suspiciously similar to those Ice Scouts, although… she seemed to have more emotions.

Marceline blinked a couple of times, and then smiled. “It’s nice to meet you too!” She replied enthusiastically, holding out her hand.

(Y/n) shook it, and surely enough, she was made of ice. The questions in their head only increased as the seconds passed. Did Winter King create her to have a sense of family? Was she someone who he used to know? Someone who died maybe? Someone he cared a lot about?

However, now wasn’t the time to worry about that. Marceline was right in front of them and (y/n) didn’t want to discuss her nature right now, fearing she might get upset.

“So, Marcy, you’re Winter King’s daughter? I can definitely see the resemblance!” They chuckled softly, letting go of her cold hand. “I heard you playing the bass before, you’re really good, you know? Do you wanna play something?”

The little girl’s eyes sparkled “Y-yeah!! I’ve been practicing a lot!” She answered, getting off of the dad’s knees and picking up the bass again, excited to show someone what she’d been working on.

Winter King just observed as Marceline played her bass, wrapping a hand around (y/n)’s waist. He was glad that things were going well; (y/n) so readily accepting Marceline was something he’d really hoped for and it seemed like it was actually happening! That only made him feel like (y/n) was really the right one for him.

The afternoon went by smoothly, with Marceline showing (y/n) around her room and telling them stories about her good memories with her dad, wishing that he’d visit more often.

“Don’t worry, now that we know each other I’m sure he’ll be more than glad to visit you every day!” (Y/n) had reassured her.

Marceline gasped “Every day?! Is this true? You’ll visit me every day from now on?!” She asked, clinging to the King’s jacket.

“Yes, yes I don’t see why not, after all… I’d love for you two to become even better friends,” he reassured his icy daughter, who seemed overjoyed to have more people to play with.

Soon enough, however, little Marceline had grown sleepy, and Winter King tucked her into bed, before leading (y/n) out of her room, locking the door once more.

“So… what are your thoughts on Marceline?” The King eventually asked, wanting to be sure.

On the way back to their shared room, (y/n) got a bit of a serious look on their face, however. “My love… Little Marcy is adorable, but… why have you never told me about her before? Where did she come from? And why do you keep her locked up in there, when she’s such a well-behaved girl?”

Winter King slightly tensed up at all those questions; he knew (y/n) always had lots of them, but he wasn’t always certain he could give them all the answers, though maybe, he could make an exception this time around. “Dear, I was simply worried… worried that you might not accept her existence. Indeed, as you may have noticed, she is made of ice, just like the Scouts who work for me, she’s very frail, that’s why I hesitated…” He tried to explain.

“So… she’s your creation as well? Is she based on someone?” (Y/n) asked, but the King didn’t seem to like that question.

“I’ll… tell you soon, I promise, it’s just not… something I want to talk about right now. It’s been such a wonderful day, I’d hate for it to end on a sad note…” He whispered softly, looking for the reassuring warmth of (y/n)’s hand, his cold fingers intertwining with theirs. “I promise I’ll tell you…”

(Y/n) looked at Winter King and squeezed his hand lightly. “I understand… I can wait… but will there be a day in which I know everything about you? I don’t care when, I just want to know if that’ll happen.

He paused for a moment, and then slowly nodded, embracing (y/n). “Certainly, you will, I can swear on that…”

(Y/n) smiled a bit “Thank you… I have one more request however…”

“What is it, dear?” Winter King asked.

“Will you… please allow Marceline to roam around the castle? At the very least when she’s with us? I know you’re keeping her there for her safety, but… please, she deserves to have more freedom, and this castle is the safest place in all of Ooo.” (Y/n) replied, hugging the man tightly, and looking up at him with pleading eyes.

Winter King seemed amused, it was true, the castle was very safe, maybe he could allow it, Marceline would’ve probably been happy about it too… “I can’t say ‘no’ to a face like that,” he chuckled, kissing (y/n) on the lips briefly, but intensely. “But you must promise me you’ll keep her safe as well… you two are the most important pieces of my life…”

“I promise, I will…”

The End

[thatsmzbitchtoyou]

Breaking the Class Ceiling Chapter 5

This is set in early 1900s U.S.A., during the Edwardian era with some style changes into the upcoming Art Nouveau period. I've changed history a bit for this. Pretending that America didn't have a full Civil War and trying to create a more optimistic outcome for the purposes of the story. I've also tried to research what the rules for society/socializing were back then, and tweaked some of them.

Warnings for upcoming chapters: minor character death, some sexual harassment/assault (but nothing too graphic or traumatic), smut

Previous chapter Next chapter

He was on a train.  He’d never been on a full blown train before.  The trolley cars around New York, sure, but nothing as fast as this.  Bucky was one in a party of ten, five couples in all, traveling to St. Louis for a week at the World Fair.  He was literally being paid for his time, triple what he would normally make, which was a very strange arrangement, but you had made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.  Mr. Fury was upset but understanding when he quit as Bucky’s luck in life had drastically changed.  

Steve had come with Peggy Carter, the woman he was now engaged to.  You had thrown an engagement party in their honor the week before, crying for them as they recounted their love story.  Bucky loved how much you loved his friends and wanted the best for them.  He wasn’t sure when your time as a couple was yet for engagement, he hoped soon, but was worried about whether he should ask you or if you would ask him.  The ball was in your court, always had been, and it was something that he was still getting used to.  He couldn’t spoil you, spend lavishly on you, which you assured him was fine as long as he just accompanied you and made you happy in other ways.  He was so used to having to work for everything he had that any kind of gifts or inclusion into your daily life you provided him felt like he owed you something.  All he could give was his love and his mother’s ring, the most expensive and cherished thing he owned.  It wasn’t anything extravagant, but it was a beautiful older ring.  His father gave it to him weeks ago as your relationship progressed, and he brought it with him everywhere he went now, waiting to see if there was a right moment to ask you.  He wasn’t sure if he should talk to you about it first.  He’d never gotten this far into any courtship before.

He and the other men went to grab some lunches for everyone from one end of the dining car while you and the women talked on the other end.  

“So, when will you pop the question?” Peggy urged you, poking your shoulder.  “Or are you wanting him to do it?”

“I’m not sure, Peg, we haven’t talked about it,” you answered honestly.  “I have a sneaking suspicion he’s ready to ask but is looking for the right time.  I’m ready to ask him whenever, but I think he feels like he needs to ask me, since I asked him to court,” you said contemplating the relationship.

“You asked him to court you?” Wanda asked, her eyebrows shooting up her head.

“Yes, of course,” you said indignantly.  “I liked him from the moment I met him.  I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.  He makes me feel seen, heard, and understood.  He doesn’t expect me to be prim and proper at all times.  He…” you tapered off, watching him laugh at something one of the men said at the front of the car.  “He’s the best friend I’ve ever had.”

“And I’m sure it helps that he is one of the most handsome men in New York,” Maria added, wiggling her eyebrows teasingly.

You all laughed at that as the men came back with their hands full of food, looking at you all strangely.

The World Fair was a rounding success.  As tired as you all were from the constant walking and stuffing yourselves with fair food all week, the attractions had been amazing to see.  Bucky was particularly interested in the set about futuristic inventions and findings in space.  You made a mental note of that as he gazed at the replica of the known galaxy in the planetarium.

On the last night as you got dressed to meet everyone for dinner there was a knock on your door.  “Come in!” you invited them, slipping on your gloves.  Bucky walked through the door, his eyes glued to his cufflinks that he was struggling with. 

“Doll, could you help me with these blasted things?  I can’t seem to get it to connect and–” he stopped as he looked up at you.  You were wearing a long gold dress overlaid with a sheer black fabric skirt, a gold embroidery strip along the front and tassels along the skirt and the waist.  The neckline plunged down low on your chest, barely held up by metallic straps and sheer champagne colored, short, flowy sleeves.  A gold headpiece of flowers and leaves reached from one ear, around the back of your head to your other ear, with emeralds and small beaded dragonflies hanging into your hair which was pinned to your head in purposefully haphazard curls, some tendrils falling out methodically.  Your gloves were once again laced, this time black to match the black overlay skirt.  Your shoes were black velvet with embellished gold heels, reflecting the art nouveau theme with dragonfly accents again.  You held a black lace fan that was attached to your wrist with a ribbon.  You wore a little makeup to enhance your eyes and lips, a deep brownish black color making your eye color pop, and the dark rouge on your lips accentuating their shape.  Bucky could not seem to stop staring.  

“Love, you look…I have no words,” he was dumbfounded, his cufflinks long forgotten.  

“Do you like it?” you asked, giving him a spin, your dress flowing around you as you beamed at him.

“Yes, it’s so…you look like a goddess,” he complimented, “like the ones we saw at the exhibit about Ancient Greece.  Aphrodite personified, if she graced us with her divine.”

“Oh Bucky, stop it,” you blushed, “but thank you.  You look as handsome as always.” You gave him an appreciative look, walking up and taking his arm to fix his cufflinks.  He was wearing a black suit, a satin black waistcoat that had velvet pieces sewn into it that reflected the gold embroidery you wore, a white dress shirt and a wash style tie that was black and sheer to match you.  Near the knot of the tie was nestled a gold brooch with a futuristic pattern embossed in the metal surrounding a prominent emerald.  He slicked his longer hair back, the top curling as the humidity was higher in St. Louis than New York, giving her an unadulterated view of his eyes.  

“I seem to have my own Adonis,” you praised him, straightening his tie and brushing down the lapels of his suit for any flyaway strands or dust.  “His own beauty personified, and looking very tempting.”

“Tempting am I?” He asked as he cocked an eyebrow at you.  “Maybe after dinner I can show you just how tempting I can be.”

“Hmm,” you hummed seductively back.  You had done a few things that would have made your uncle gasp at the impertinence, but had never fully lain with each other yet.  You had made it a point to not fully kiss him on the lips ever, supposedly saving it for a certain point, but also as a way to tease him relentlessly since he had done it to you earlier on in the relationship, making him chase your lips.  “Yes, you’ll have to.  I demand it.”

“Oh you demand it?” He sputtered at your brazenness.  

“Yes, I demand my pleasure, Bucky Barnes,” you got on your tiptoes and pressed a kiss too close to his lips.  He groaned.

“No more teasing, Y/N, please.  Why won’t you kiss me?”

“Don’t fret, darling, we’ll get there,” you promised him, scratching the beard hair on his chin then turning to grab your fur shawl and your clutch.  Inside held a ring box that you planned on giving him tonight during the firework show.  You had decided it was time, you didn’t want to spend another minute without the promise of this man as yours forever.

“Shall we darling?” You held your hand out to him.

“We shall,” he looped your hand around his arm, leading you out to dinner.

Everyone was dressed immaculately.  They indulged themselves on the last night of the trip, drinking the best wines and liquors and eating some of the best prepared food Bucky had ever been blessed to have in his mouth.  Afterwards they all lazily strolled to the center of the fair near the water fountain, stopping at stalls and exhibits they hadn’t had a chance to see along the way.  When the time came for the fireworks to begin you stealthily got the ring box out of your clutch, hiding it in your hand as Bucky stood next to you.  The lights darkened as the show was about to begin.  The first firework shot high into the air, disappearing momentarily before exploding a bright mix of pinks and blues.  Bucky was enthralled.  This week had been one of the best of his life, getting to enjoy and sight see without a care in the world.  And he was able to do it all because of you.  As much as this had all started as a physical attraction and an advantageous union, it was now something that he couldn’t dream of living without.

You watched him enjoy the fireworks for a few moments, loving the way his eyes lit up as each one exploded, his eyebrows shooting up at particularly large ones.  You switched the ring box to your other hand and slipped it into his hand as he was looking up.  

Bucky quickly looked down as you handed him something.  He opened his hand to reveal a sapphire blue velvet box.  His eyes snapped to you, and you gave him a soft, hopeful smile, gesturing to him to open it.  He looked back at the box, his fingers shaking as his other hand opened the top, revealing a platinum signet ring with a small aquamarine gem set in the middle that matched the color of his eyes and leaf filigree surrounding the band.  Bucky stared at it until he felt you pull him to face you.

You took the ring out of the box and held it in your fingers in front of him.  “I know we haven’t talked about engagement yet, but I couldn’t wait another minute before asking if you would be mine, for the rest of our lives and beyond death and time,” your voice shook with emotion as you held it in front of his face, looking him deep in his eyes.  “I love you.  I feel like I’ve loved you from the moment I met you.  Will you, James Buchanan Barnes, my Bucky, my darling, marry me?”

Bucky’s eyes began watering as he listened to you.  He reached into his trouser pocket and pulled out an old and faded burgundy velvet ring box.  You watched him intently as he opened his box to reveal a gold ring with a round white diamond set in the middle with fine engraving on the band on either side.  “Yes, my pretty doll.  As long as you will wear my mother’s ring and promise to be mine forever,” he plucked the ring out and held it in his fingers in front of you.

You both silently chuckled through tears, exchanging the rings and placing them on each other’s left ring fingers.  Miraculously they both fit perfectly, and as you gazed at each other you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down to your lips in what was your first kiss.

As you kissed him it felt like every fiber of his being was set aflame and life finally made sense, the pieces of a puzzle falling into place.  His heart leapt as he wound his arms around your waist and pulled you tight against him, picking you up and twirling you around as the fireworks celebrated you.

There was clapping and hollering that registered in your ears making you pull away from each other. The rest of the group were congratulating you, having watched your engagement.  Peggy and Steve were crying as they hugged you both, Bucky making Steve his best man on the spot.  

As you watched him smile widely and care free, you realized you had done it.  You had found the man to spend your life with, to share your fortune and hopefully someday soon create the family to pass on your empire.  He came back to you and held your face in his hands as he leaned down again and kissed your lips, soft but firm.  Now that he had had a taste he was like a man starved, taking every opportunity to experience your lips as much as you’d let him.

[yellowstarwater]

Okay everyone I woke up randomly at 3AM and instead of going back to sleep decided to binge watched Part Two of Inside Job which spoiler alert only has eight episodes this time?!!! What the fuck?!!!! Any way these are some of my takeaways from this season. I will be doing an episode by episode analysis later but for now theses are my initial thoughts!

Spoiler Warning!!!!!!!!Seriously do not read if you don’t want the season to be spoiled!!!!

First let’s get the biggest part of the season out of the way the Reagan and Ron relationship(romantic relationship) And I know I might end up pissing off some shippers, who might have ended up liking them together. But they were doomed from the start and this was hinted at from the start of their relationship. I will go into more detail when I do the episode by episode analysis but if you look at it objectively it’s true. Now let me admit to you now that I am a Breagan shipper(and yes I will be talking about the few good moments we got this season) but the running theme for most of Reagan and Ron’s relationship was one them both wanting different things when it came to their careers and two stuff going wrong whenever an issue about their relationship came up. Ron made it clear from the beginning that he wanted out of working for the shadow government. He was tired and guilty and only stuck around longer because he fell in love with Reagan. He doesn’t want to stay and change things for the better because deep down he doesn’t think it is possible. Reagan in the meantime resents her job but deep down isn’t ready to give it up completely. She believes that she can change things for the better and wants to be in charge of making those changes happen. And even though she would be much better off walking away and forgetting her job and just being with Ron. She knows that she’ll never be able to completely stop because that’s who she is. And this is why their relationship would probably have never worked out. They were not on the same page from the very beginning. I do believe that overall this was a good relationship for Reagan to have in the long run but it was never healthy even Mothman pointed it out!

Now for the next important part of the season Rand’s progression and eventual downfall. While we can all agree that Rand is an asshole. This season goes out of its way to tell you that the reason for Rand’s behavior is because he wants what he believes to be his old happy life. To the point of rebooting reality just to get to a universe where both his ex-wife and daughter still love him. The downside is of course that nothing he does brings him what he wants it’s brings the gang to some of the things they think they want but they end up being wrong. And betraying the shadow government makes him end up in jail. This was a great example of how trying to make thing’s perfect for yourself could actually make everything else a lot worse. As for JR I would feel sorry for him if he hadn’t been willing to blow up the universe because he didn’t get an alternative perfect life. I do get why he is the way he is though!

Next we have the Reagan and Gigi friendship. No notes I loved it even though they try to explain away the change by pointing out that Reagan has no female friends. I thought it was sweet that Gigi was there for Reagan, giving her advice and helping out when needed. I hope their friendship continues.

Next Glenn, Myc and Andre, I’m grouping them all together because yes they have some good new developments here and there but they don’t really change overall. We just understand Myc slightly better after his High School reunion.

And now for all the Breagan shippers out there! I was worried going in that with Ron as Reagan’s love interest that there wouldn’t be any good Breagan shipping moments but god was I glad to be wrong! From Brett trying to get Reagan to go to therapy for her own good to Reagan being there to help Brett at least stand up a little to his family. To Reagan also deciding to keep her best friend out of danger and to Brett encouraging her to leave even though he would miss her was just pure shipping gold. (Again I will go into more detail in the episode by episode analysis) If the writers goal was to get me to ship them more then they succeeded! Because Reagan and Brett continue to have the most solid relationship of anyone in the show!

Final thoughts, while I know a lot of people were turned off by Ron I do think he was needed for Reagan’s journey(which wow kind of sounds missed up that way) I do like that he was a red herring, where I’m sure we all thought he was secretly a villain (or Reagan’s secret brother) we were all expecting him to turn on Reagan but he never did and that is nice. While I’m not sure if he would ever come back I think his ending made sense for what we learned about him. And despite being heartbroken right now I hope that Reagan will still eventually try to move on with someone else(cough Brett cough cough) I would hate to see her not trying to have a New Romantic relationship because she thinks Ron is the only person who could ever love her.

PS

Tamiko did you really just break up with Keanu Reeves because he was older than you thought!!!😤 That is so stupid but in canon with the idea that I had that Tamiko only dates younger men.

PSS

If anyone is wondering when I’ll update my story ‘Probably not a good idea but we were drunk’ I just want to say that I was waiting for the new season! So that I could add elements of it to my fanfic. Plus I have a ton of other fanfics, plus I started working on my Master’s degree this month….plus I have a YouTube and a TikTok account for tarot readings! The point is I am only 32 and am doing a lot! I will update soon….or at least before the end of this year I just got to rewatch this series again!



[ifthesewings--couldfly]

My Disney Princess Ranking because I can:

1. Merida: A newly appointed favorite. I think she acts over the top at times, but I love how her true braveness resides in admitting she was wrong in how she treated her mother, and not in the way she faces danger. I also love her looks and her archery skills.

2. Moana: I always loved Polynesian culture, so Moana was an instant favorite for me. Hopefully, the upcoming sequel doesn’t destroy it. (Fearing a repetition of Frozen 2). I love her hair and her looks in general.

3. Ariel: She used to be my childhood favorite and the one I identified with, but my love for her has been progressively fading over the years, and now I think of her with a bittersweet feeling. The truth is that I’m tired of people claiming she left her world for a man, but at the same time, this perception of her has tainted my own. On a side note, I don’t like her distinctive color scheme (teal and purple).

4. Anna: Frozen 1 Anna would be in second place to me, I loved her ingenuity and sweetness; alas, Frozen 2 took that away from her. Plus I don’t like how she became queen. She incarnated the qualities of the Fifth Spirit way more than Elsa!

5. Cinderella: A memento of my childhood, and the princess I get compared to the most.

6. Pocahontas: We always love a sassy princess. Plus her movie is artistically beautiful, and her true love interest, John Rolfe, is cute as heck (yes I like the sequel too!)

7. Rapunzel: I think I like her movie more than the character itself. Didn’t appreciate her evolution in Tangled The Series.

8. Mulan: Like Cinderella, a memento of my childhood.

9. Snow White: Underestimated, IMO. Plus, I like her historical significance as the very first Disney Princess. I love the actress who will portray her in live action form, I think she incarnates her spirit perfectly.

10. Asha: Love her aesthetically. I don’t like it when she acts adorkable at all costs, LOVE the determined side of her. If only she was a little more mature…

11. Raya: Gets overlooked, but she is pretty cool, and her movie is too.

12. Tiana: Pretty much indifferent to her, but I do like the message she is meant to convey. I put her in this position because there are princesses I like more.

13. Jasmine: See above, minus the message. Being strong, fierce and independent is her entire personality, which I don’t like.

14. Aurora: She has no personality IMO, but at least she is pretty.

15. Belle: For someone who doesn’t judge people based on their looks, she is way too judgmental for my tastes. Just look at how she treated the poor villagers just because they weren’t as cultured as her. It wasn’t their fault they were born in a narrow minded community.

16. Elsa: I used to love Frozen 1 Elsa, but as more Frozen installments came out, my love for her diminished progressively, until it was destroyed completely by Frozen 2 and the way she shamelessly abandoned Anna. Worst character development ever.

[noname-nonartist]

SoC was barely released for a month how'd you get burnt out already 😭

I’m sorry! TToTT

I’m not 100% sure either but I think it’s gotta do with how doing the dailies are sort of a bit much for me.

Like Project Sekai dailies are simple for me. “Play” a few songs (aka have it be automated), watch some ads for a few mats, and maybe spend some of my tokens on the event store.

For SoC, the normal dailies are the extra rewards for the mats need to grow ya characters. But there is also the Clash mode, the Tower mode, the Spiral Destiny mode, and the events with time locked stories.

And like. ya also need to play through the levels in those events manually in order to see all the stories. (which after work I’m usually super tired to do that on most days).

And this is also including the main story as well too, since they are separate stories usually. (Yes there is an auto mode for each battle, but ngl. The AI be low key not the brightness and I don’t have enough mats to make my characters stronger. So atm I HAVE to manually play the stages/other modes. There are Sweep mode and the Octopus Can but those are limited)

With Project Sekai. The Event Stories are the continuation of the Main Story. And if I missed it or don’t have enough energy to read/watch them. I can always look it up on YouTube to watch them (or on the game itself but like. I don’t trust the EN translation tbh).

Yes there’s only a limited amount of Auto Plays ya can do a day, but it’s enough for me to do all my dailies consistently without having to do it manually. And the only time I have to play it manually is the Challenge Show Mode. Which isn’t much.

And yes this also means I’m not doing the Co-Op bonus, but like. I’m very neutral towards the battlepass. So I honestly don’t care about that.

And sure I’m not maximizing my mats this way, but as long as I still get a good amount every day. It a-okay to me~

It build up over time too, since I’m not constantly spending them to improve my points/cards upgrades. So like I have a good amount of Mats atm in Project Sekai.

That’s another thing too. The cards building is very easy. Just level the cards up. I don’t really need extra mats to make them necessarily better. Once they are maxed. I can used them to get a bit more points. I don’t have to get a weapon nor gear to make them “stronger”. I just stuff them with music sheets and Bam! Done!

Basically. Project Sekai gameplay be more lax than SoC. Which isn’t Bad! Again I LOVE SoC GAMEPLAY! I was a Hugeeee Fire Emblem Awakening Fan back in my days! (And the characters be pretty compelling to me so far too!)

I just. Tend to get tired mentally from work (especially since it’s been super stressful this past two months) and so I don’t have enough energy to do all the dailies nor story progression. ;v;

(Plus whenever I play SoC for at least an hour my phone start heating up)

Sure I’m still am drawing somewhat consistently (I try and get something somewhat presentable once a week, but that’s due to art inspiration hitting super hard that I gotta draw it out)

But that’s usually during my weekends. So I’m not drawing everyday like I’m doing with these mobile games. Ya feel me? •3•;

I hope that explains things! TwT/

[causenessus]

NO I GET ANXIETY- MY BRAIN GOES “wait patiently till your ask gets answered before sending another one.” AND I GO 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ “we are not to be annoying, they have lives outside of tumblr (unlike me) and are not chronically online.” SO I JUST GET ANXIOUS- OR I GET ANXIOUS THAT MY ASKS GET EATEN. OR WORSE. I FORGET TO TURN ON ANON. Not even going to lie, I have almost sent these in without anon so many times bcs I’m not used to yapping at people 😭😭😭 like for the entirety I’ve had my tumblr this is like one of the first times I’m using anon not to request things and just yapping.

I shall try my best to get over my anxiety…like my friends will tell you I’m a chronic like paragraph texter (will send fifteen messages and not care if you respond right away even if I’m writing paragraphs) but the minute I have to like email one of my teachers??? Or ask someone something??? Or send in yapping asks???? No. Like suddenly I get anxious that I’m being annoying- anyways…

YES THE BASEMENT IS NICER. That’s actually why my mom suggested it. Sure it’s smaller than my current room and obv doesn’t have like a closet but! It has its own bathroom, and the laundry room is down here and I’m sure I could add more closet space in there. Since I’m almost a real adult (not really, I’m just 18 and a soon to be no longer high schooler) she wants me to have more privacy especially since her boyfriend will be moving in. So very slowly I am cleaning my room.

OMG YOU’RE SO SWEET THOUGH. I WOULD FEEL BAD IF YOU WERE TO HELP THOUGH LOL. Like my friends have offered to help and I’m just like “😀 it’s like embarrassingly depression. Like needs to be cleaned I cannot see my floor. I can’t make you clean that.” But I appreciate the in spirit help 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ <3

Yeah my senior year is pretty chill. I go to a career tech school so I only have 4 classes and then lunch and then after that I finally get to go to lab (basically where we learn our career stuff). I’m taking English Comp 1 + 2 but that’s the only like higher level course I’m taking. The teacher is so sweet though, like he has a coffee and espresso machine in his room and supplies coffee, creamer, milk, and sugar for us and doesn’t make us pay. He actually encourages it 😭😭😭 he’s like “Are you tired? Oh, why don’t we go make you a cup of coffee yeah?” And then if you bring your own mug he tells you to leave it and he washes it for you and like puts it in the cupboard. Genuinely my fave teacher this year. He also never had the lights on, like he has fairy lights all around his room and then he has soft music playing in the background (The Smiths, Cigarettes After Sex, and some others). His room is so chill and comforting.

The school wanted me to take Collegr Algebra but I said no (mostly bcs I don’t need it for my degree. Culinary/ Pastry majors take business math or at least where I live they do) because the school messed up and I wasn’t supposed to take a math last year (I already had four credits cause I took 2 math classes sophomore yr) but was put in one anyway. So I wanted 1 year where I didn’t have to take math 😭😭😭

All my other classes are pretty easy, they’re both history lol. Or I guess maybe a science and history? They were both labeled as history when I was picking classes so- I have to take American History (like World History isn’t just American History expanded 😒) and Criminology (which is kinda sick ngl- like we’re only on the second week of school but it’s fun so far. We watch movies every Friday and connect them to themes about sociology/criminology).

The only other class I have is study hall and bcs all my classes are so easy I don’t do anything in there except try to write fics to post or read fics other people have posted. Slowly making my way through my drafts. Very slowly. But! Progress nonetheless!!!!

IT’S GONNA BE A WHOLE SEVEN DAYS AND MY MOM IS PAYING FOR MY BEST FRIEND OF 7 years (omg it has been 7 years. Hold on I need to throw up-) TO GO WITH US!!!! My graduation present was supposed to be going to Europe but apparently not all of us have been saving money to go 😒 /lh (adult stuff happened that they had to pay off and we’re gonna have a lot more fun when I’m 21 anyway). I DO DESERVE IT! SCHOOL IS HARD BUT I DIDN’T QUIT AND I GOT GOOD GRADES SOPHMORE YEAR ON (freshman year is when the depression room started 😭😭😭😭). Also kinda glad I’m not going to Europe anymore bcs I’m like terrified of planes. Like no joke I get such bad panic attacks, I hyperventilate and my eyes tear up (and that’s just taking off don’t get me started on turbulence!) like it’s not a fun time. (OF COURSE I’LL CHECK IN BEFORE THEN!!! I HAVE TO YAP TO YOU DUH!)

TURNS OUT I WAS READING THE WRONG SCHOOL EMAILS. (For a little context: I still get emails from my “home” school or the school I went to before the career tech school. I get two graduations because I’m technically part of both schools) AND MY SCHOOL DOESN’T TAKE LIKE SENIOR PORTRAITS. 😔😔😔 my senior photos for like graduation announcements and stuff are Saturday though 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🥰🥰🥰

THE PURPLE AND PINK IS PROBS MY FAVORITE HAIR I’VE HAD SO FAR. NOW THE ONLY COLORS I HAVEN’T DONE ARE ORANGE AND GREEN. That does sound so cool WTH!!! Aww I’m sorry :((( I have white people hair that lightens really well lol- thank you mom! ALSO!!! IF YOUR SISTER BLEACHED HER HAIR BUT IT WAS YELLOW/ORANGE THAT’S WHY IT TURNED GREEN/GREY!!! MY HAIR DID THAT ONE TIME! YOU JUST NEED TO TONE IT AND THEN HOPEFULLY IT WILL WORK! 🫶🏻

Listen- I love Suna okay but he’s not like husband. He’s a great character DON’T GET ME WRONG. But there’s just some other characters I like a little 🤏🏻🤏🏻🤏🏻 better than him. however, my irl friend told me I could pull Suna, Timeskip! Osamu, Tendō, and Seijoh 4 (minus Oikawa) so. Confidence??? RAISED ABOVE THE ROOF. ME??? PULL TIMESKIP! OSAMU????? ME??? PULL?? MATSUKAWA ISSEI (HANAMAKI TAKAHAIRO’S FAVORITE FOOD)???? LIKE ???? Little old me???? [sidenote: I love these men but they’re too tall. I KNOW. NO ONE HAS EVER SAID THAT. But I’m a little guy and I would be concerned about their backs from how far they would have to bend down to kiss me 😭😭😭 like 5’ 7 already makes me stand on my tiptoes- so please. Give me a short king. GIVE ME YAKU. But also at the same time I love these men and would NEVER say no if they took me out]

NO I MUST STAY STRONG. I MUSN’T JOIN THE SELF SHIPPING HOURS ❗️❗️❗️❗️

I have failed! I’M JOINING. AND IT’S FRIDAY WHERE I’M AT SO. HAH!

I need Love Notes! Osamu religiously (you can determine what that means).

MAC N CHEESE WITH ORANGE JUICE IS EVIL. Like I already don’t like orange juice (apple juice anon for life [please don’t start a war I’m not fighting. If you like orange juice then like orange juice. I just don’t] <3). In all honesty I’m not that much of a pranker however. 😏 I AM an enabler. I’m the brains and Osamu is the one who executes the plan. I sit there and hand him things.

Speaking of self ship Friday I’ll ask and answer some questions!

Favorite couple thing you guys do?

Me + Love Notes! Osamu enjoy baking our own like fruit bars to eat during movie marathons. What do you and Suna like to do?

Favorite kind of hug?

I’m partial to a back hug but I think that’s bcs my friends do it so often to me. Like arms around waist, chin on head, 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ little head kiss? Heaven.

Do you guys play video games together? If so what do you play and how?

I would force Love Notes! Osamu to play Stardew Valley bcs I have an addiction and everyone I love must play with me at some point (I got my grandma to play, she was very disappointed that she couldn’t romance Gus or the Wizard which really for that). Osamu def tries to blow up the character I’m trying to romance. 😔😔😔😔 But he also probably grinds the mines so I can have pretty rocks. What’s your favorite game to play with Suna?

And the self shipping section of our night comes to a close folks. Tune in next week for more with Bakery Anon and Ness! <3

I think a man (Suna, Osamu, Sakusa. OIKAWA.) sending me a photo of him all bloodied up and smirking I would gen faint. Like swoon. “Is that the light I see? Is it getting closer?” Like I want pathetic beat up men while they’re also able to manhandle me and throw me over their shoulder if they really wanted to. Is that too much to ask???

MANGO ANON <3333 OMG I LOVE THEM!!! I LOVE READING THEIR YAP SESSIONS THEY FILL ME WITH JOY!!!! <3333 mango anon if you’re reading this I love you, keep being silly and full of whimsy <333

OIKAWA IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME. Like I relate to him on a level I don’t even understand. Can I just work on how I ABSOLUTELY ADORED BINARY STARS. I THINK IT WAS ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS I READ WHEN I MADE THIS ACCOUNT. IT WAS DELECTABLE AND I ENJOYED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. I’m not gonna lie, when I get bored Oikawa is who I draw. He is my comfort drawing character. When I try something new for art but need to draw something to test it on I draw him 🧍🏻‍♀️ not everyone is made equal.

Oikawa as a side character in smau’s is so satisfying because he’s usually there with Hinata causing chaos and I love them. Oihina friendship dynamic fills me with such joy. They’re so WHIMSY (yes this is my favorite word rn besides “very cutesy. Very mindful. Very demure.”) I agree though, he’s a very good side character. If he was the main character I don’t think the story (hq) would have the same feel (no duh) like I think it would feel a lot more serious and angsty. Oikawa can be a main character but he’s such a good like foil??? Is that the right word- for Kageyama that he’s the perfect side character.

Like the way both of them work so hard to reach their goals and still somehow fail before they reach them (beating Shiratorizawa and then Kageyama having a team that trusts them so they can win) but eventually they overcome those hardships and get their goals. Does Oikaw beat Shiratorizawa? No and yes, he doesn’t physically beat them no. But he beats them because he gets over his mental challenge of not thinking he’s even good enough to try to beat them. He wins because he starts believing in himself. And Kageyama gets Karasuno (and Hinata) where he learns to trust them and learns it’s okay to fall back on people and you don’t have to do it all on your own (a lesson Oikaaa has to learn too-) and they go to Nationals.

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE WHOLE “b-but he abused Kageyama 🥺🥺🥺” like stfu. Oikawa was a MIDDLE SCHOOLER. LIKE 14-15 HAVING A PANIC ATTACK. Everyone likes to talk about “Oh just feel your emotions it’s okay to have them.” Until someone having a mental break does something that someone does on a breakdown. Like Oikawa was a child who wasn’t thinking clearly, you can see him literally panic during when he tries to hit Kageyama and then after he just kind of shuts down. STOP BLAMING A MIDDLE SCHOOLER FOR HAVING A PANIC ATTACK AND RESPONDING IN A WAY THAT SOMEONE NOT THINKING CLEARLY WOULD RESPOND.

SORRY ENOUGH YAPPING ABOUT OIKAWA BCS I FEAR I WILL NEVER STOP IF I DON’T NOW.

Okay! HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!!

For everyone who made it this far: I want you to know you’re loved. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of your desires, you deserve to be loved the way you want to be loved. Whether that be in the small hours of the morning or in the loud evening lights. You deserve love, you deserve food, you’re beautiful. If no one else tells you today. I love you!

For Ness: YOU’RE WONDERFUL. THANN YOU FOR YAPPING WITH ME AND MATCHING MY ENERGY. I’m so sorry this ask is so long- I’ll be back to yap about try again later!!!! Your writing is lovely and I finally have time to read it!!! <3333 go have a little snack you deserve it. I hope you sleep well <3

<3

-sincerely bakery anon 🍪

BUG I AM FINALLY HERE OMG I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO THANKFUL FOR DMS BC I WOULD'VE CRIED IF I HADN'T BEEN ABLE TO TALK TO YOU FOR LIKE TWO WEEKS!!!! <3 AND NO OMG I GET ALL OF THOSE ANXIETIES 😭😭😭 ESPECIALLY THE ONES ABOUT AN ASK GETTING EATEN OR IF I FORGOT TO TURN ON ANON!!!! and dw i don't have a life outside of tumblr 😔😔😔😔😔 i am just forced to have responsible human duties aka school!!! but it's not by choice!! </333

omg bug i cannot cannot cannot tell you how excited i am to read this ask like i keep reading bits of it and hearing about buggykawa AND I AM SHAKING!!!!

and aa the moving into the basement sounds so so fun and nice!! i definitely get like the extra room and everything <3 i cannot remember how much i told you but for a little bit i lived with my sister who was rooming with a friend in a house so they got the top floor and she got the basement and it was really nice!!! and i would move into my basement in my house now but my dad basically uses it as his closet and i don't like the bed down there 😭 but it's okay!!! my room is a little cozy too so i don't mind it <3

AND OMG DW I KNOW WHAT DIRTY ROOMS FEEL LIKE </33 I'M SURE I'VE ALREADY MENTIONED THIS BUT I JUST THROW EVERYTHING ONTO MY FLOOR AND DESK WHEN I GET HOME </33 there's like two bags on my floor at all time for when i go out, a random ziplock bag i always slip on, a camera bag, a trashcan in the way of my dresser (the TOP of my dresser is stacked with clothes) my desk is a mess of scripts and random stationery, and my chair has an unfolded blanket that bothers me so much!! (i promise my room is cozy!! i feel like as i describe my room it sounds worse than it really is but it lowk is that bad SO I GET IT DON'T WORRY) SO I WOULD GLADLY HELP YOU!! I'M ACTUALLY ON THE WAY NOW DON'T WORRY 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

and oh my god what??????????????? your english teacher?????? please bug please i need to go to your school please let me transfer schools PLEASE HE SOUNDS SO NICE like the exquisite music taste?? the fairy lights?? the COFFEE MACHINE??? THE FACT THAT HE WASHES YOUR MUG FOR YOU GUYS?? okay and see this is why i am fighting professions rn bc i want to be a teacher and have a cozy room but i really really want to go into psychology too I CAN'T </333 your english teacher sounds so so sweet!!! please i'll do anything i want him so bad omg i'm crying </3 like genuinely felt a pang of???? sadness?? READING ABOUT HOW COMFY HIS ROOM SOUNDS WHY IS MY SCHOOL FILLED WITH DRUGGY KIDS WHO SNORT COCAINE OFF THEIR DESKS RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR TEACHERS 😔😔😔😔😔😔 (true story. i cannot even make that up. i have nothing else to say abt it.)

and aa your classes sound so fun!! i have college algebra second semester but i'm so ready/excited for (hopefully) how easy it's going to be bc last year i fought for my life in trig/pre-calc (THE ONLY CLASS I'VE EVER GOTTEN A B IN IT MADE ME SO MAD AND I WAS SO CLOSE TO AN A BUT I DIDN'T DO AMAZING ON THE FINAL AND I HAD TO BE AT AN 88% OR HIGHER FOR HER TO ROUND MY GRADE AND MY FINAL BROUGHT ME DOWN TO LIKE AN 86 OR SOMETHING 😔😔😔 but i've kept my 4.0 thanks to ap classes <33) AND CRIMINOLOGY IS FUN!! i knew some people who took it last year and they had a blast <3 this semester i have english, sociology, tech theatre, i'm a ta for my acting director teacher, and econ!!! so it's a mix of good and bad classes </3 like econ sucks but i have an amazing teacher who was also my teacher for ap psych last year!!! english kind of sucks, i really actually didn't want to take tech theatre this year but i have to bc i'm basically like in charge of our tech department tbh 😔and i love being a ta for my acting director!! (i tried to be one for him last year but basically i walked into his office which he shares with my tech director and my tech director was the only one there and i asked him where my acting director [we'll call him G to make this easier and my tech director is W] was and W was like "he's not here today. just be a ta for me." and i was like "okay 😃" WORST DECISION OF MY LIFE THAT MAN WORKED ME TO THE BONE being his ta basically meant i was in both tech theatre classes [where we build the sets and i have to carry the lighting department on my back, etc.] BUT i only got like 0.25 credits for it i think?? while taking the actual tech class was 0.5 credits </33 so i really burned myself out last year BUT ANYWAY)

AND NO I TOTALLY GET IT I'M SO SCARED OF PLANES TOO!!! like the way especially that they start all shaky and everything and it just feels so unreal being in one in a bad way they scare me so bad!!! and like i randomly got forced to go on an impulse trip with my mom and her parents on a cruise to Mexico???????? which is WORSE BC I'M TERRIFIED OF WATER!!! the only reason i'm excited to go is bc my mom's parents are the one who just gifted me a camera (and why there's a camera bag on my bedroom floor) AND I AM SO SO EXCITED TO USE IT AND LIVE OUT MY LOVE NOTES YN LIFE!!!!! but other than that i'll permanently be locked away in my room praying that the cruise ship doesn't randomly stop working and i die </33 i'm so scared tbh aaaa

AND OH NO SO LIKE DO YOU NOT EVEN HAVE TO TAKE A SENIOR PHOTO??? i'm so jealous of how many colors you've dyed your hair!!!! my mother's pitch black asian hair definitely ruined all my dreams of having colorful hair 😔😔😔 i just stick to like red highlights bc i think they suit me and it's the only color my hair will maintain!! 😭

AND NO OMG I GET IT 😭 SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THOSE MEN AND ME AND LIKE BRO I AM MAYBE JUST BARELY 5'3 AND IT TOOK ME 4 YEARS TO GROW THAT INCH BC BEFORE THAT I HAD THIS MOMENT IN 7TH GRADE WHERE MY DOCTOR TOLD ME I WAS BASICALLY 5 FOOT AND COULD EVEN LIE AND SAY I WAS 5'1 AND THEN I GOT MEASURED AT SCHOOL AND THEY WERE LIKE "lmao no. you're 4'11 pookie" SO I DID NOT GET ANY OF THE HEIGHT GENES I THINK THE VOLLEYBALL BOYS STOLE ALL MINE 😔😔😔 AND I DEFINITELY AGREE WITH YOUR FRIEND WHO SAID WHO YOU COULD PULL!!! ALTHOUGH I THINK YOU COULD ALSO PULL OIKAWA <3 like i think he'd be a sucker for someone super sweet!! especially if they like baked for him yk?? HE'S SOLD he's never been in a kitchen in his life but for you?? he'll happily stand there all day just watching you with a look of love in his eyes <333

AND HELP I LOVE HOW YOU TRIED TO RESIST SELF SHIPPING 😭😭😭 BUT I'M SO GLAD YOU FAILED!!! WELCOME TO THE CLUB BUG <33333

and dw!! i actually don't really like any juices 😭😭 like orange juice is too tangy and sweet and citrusy and pulpy for me (i am so so picky) and apple juice is WAY too sweet for me (apples lowk make me feel sick anyway for some reason?? i think i was just not built for sweet things anyway unfortunately </33)

AND AW THE FRUIT BARS TOGETHER?? okay please and thinking about you and osamu like going to the grocery store together too to like buy the ingredients you need and he's always following you around holding the basket for you </3 and the both of you knowing how to pick out good produce and everything like that <3 LIKE YOU GUYS WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER AND COMPLEMENT EACH OTHER SO WELL IT'S SO SO CUTE!!!

for suna and me i think we just like lazing around or rotting in cafes all day <3 like we'll steal booths (my favorite cafe which i'm at now has little booth benches!!) and sit next to each other and just lean on each other watching movies or doing our own work the entire day <333 and even when we go out to restaurants we lowk like sitting next to each other more than sitting across from each other!! and ik most couples like sitting across from each other to like see each other but if he wants to see me and i'm not looking at him he'll just hold the side of my face and turn me towards him anyway <3 (our servers always get sick of us by the end </3)

AND NO HUGS FROM BEHIND ARE SO SO SOFT AND ADORABLE AND WARM AND I LOVE THEM TOO!!! and i know like them being from osamu?? he'd literally have to hold me up bc my knees would turn to jelly and give out being in his arms </3

AND OMG I LOVE STARDEW VALLEY TOO <3 I AM DEF MAKING SUAN PLAY WITH ME AND WE CAN HAVE BUGMU SUNESS STARDEW VALLEY CO OP NIGHTS!! <3333 you're so real for making everyone play too like i've bought sdv for three friends at this point i think?? bc i love it so much and i just want other people to play it too!! YOUR GRANDMA TRYING TO ROMANCE GUS/THE WIZARD IS SO REAL 😭😭 i love giving gifts to gus!! like that man fr deserves the world <3 I CAN IMAGINE OSAMU TRYING TO BLOW UP WHOEVER YOU TRY TO ROMANCE AND LIKE GUS/THE SALOON TOO 😭 simply bc he's like "i could make a better restaurant like let me build an onigiri miya here rn!!!!" also imagining osamu coming home from the mines at like 1 am bc you've been yelling at him to get back before 2 am for the past 10 minutes and he's just like "but i needed to get u pretty rock!! <3" i am in love with u guys. i am the #1 bugmu stan for life

BUG WE HAVE TO DO SELF SHIP TUESDAY OR WEDNESDAY LIKE I CANNOT!!! I NEED TO HEAR MORE ABOUT YOU GUYS OMG <3

and me too completely omg the duality of a man??? pathetic but can manhandle me?? like i'm turning into putting in a man's arms i'm ngl he can have his way with me i am so down bad for suna hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I LOVE MANGO ANON TOO!!! MANGO ANON IF YOU'RE READING THIS BUG AND I ARE STARTING A MANGO ANON FAN CLUB!!!!!! WE'RE YOUR BIGGEST FANS WE LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH <33

AND OMG I'M GLAD YOU LIKED BINARY STARS 😭😭 BC IT WAS FR JUST A TEST RUN BUT THAT MAKES ME HAPPY TO HEAR!! and i wish i could draw!! i would totally draw oikawa if i could but i think it'd end up looking like a really disfigured pinwheel or hazelnut or someting idk BUT EITHER WAY I WOULD NEVER EVEN TRY TO DRAW HIM BC I WOULD BUTCHER IT 😭😭 I WAS NOT BUILT FOR DRAWING

AND YES FOIL IS THE RIGHT WORD!! and i totally get what you mean!! like he is such a perfect side character and i would love to be on the sides with him yk <3 like what's that margaret atwood quote about not being the people written about on paper but in the white spaces on the edges of paper?? that's oikawa and me <33 i love him so much just the way he is!! he's absolutely perfect and i love how he's always causing chaos <3

AND YES OMG OIKAWA MENTALLY BEATING SHIRATORIZAWA BECAUSE HE GREW INTO HIMSELF AND LIKE WHO HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE :(( EVENTUALLY FINDING HIS PLACE IN LIFE IS GOING TO MAKE ME CRY!!!! AND SO REAL!!!!! LIKE I LOVE KAGEYAMA TOO BUT I WILL NOT ACCEPT ANY STAN WHO DOESN'T LIKE OIKAWA BC HE WAS MEAN TO KAGEYAMA OR WHATEVER like take one good look at tsukki and yams and tell me you hate tsukki bc he's mean LIKE IK IT'S A DIFFERENT DYNAMIC BUT JUST!! YOU GET WHAT I MEAN!! BEING MEAN TO SOMEONE AND ESPECIALLY WHEN OIKAWA WAS A MIDDLE SCHOOLER AND GOING THROUGH A LOT IS NOT A VALID REASON TO NOT LIKE SOMEONE!!!

BUT BUG OMG I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A WONDERFUL DAY!! FORGIVE ME FOR HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GET AROUND TO ANSWERING THIS BUT I AM SO SO GLAD THAT I AM FINALLY ANSWERING IT!!!! YOU ARE SO LOVELY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BUG YOU DESERVE FOOD AND ALL THE LOVE AND ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING GOOD IN THE WORLD!! I LOVE YAPPING WITH YOU AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY TO YAP WITH SOMEONE ABOUT SELF SHIPS AND OIKAWA AND JUST EVERYTHING OMG YOU'RE THE ABSOLUTE BEST AND I AM FOREVER THE NO. 1 BUGMU STAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM PRESIDENT OF THE BUGMU AND MANGO ANON FAN CLUBS!!!!! NO ONE CAN OVERTHROW ME!!!! <3333 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BUG <333

[frasier-crane-style]

Some random musings on Picard season 3

-I’m not trying to be an asshole, but in the very first scene, Beverly Crusher is operating a pump-action phaser rifle. I really don’t mean to be a pedant, but it’s a laser gun! what exactly is she pumping?

-I assumed... and according to Wikipedia, this is the case... that time had progressed in real-time for both the Trekverse and the real world. So 21 years have passed since Star Trek: Nemesis was released--21 years have passed for Picard and co since the events of Nemesis. Then we’re introduced to characters who... seem unlikely to have existed during Nemesis. Crusher has a secret love-child that is said to be about 23 years old and Geordi has a daughter who is at least old enough to be a bridge officer on the Titan. (The actors are both in their early thirties.) The notion that all the characters, immediately after Nemesis, got down to making babies is pretty silly.

-As for Jack Crusher himself... I really wish Star Trek would stop throwing in characters that are meant to be their version of Han Solo. We tried it with the Outrageous Okana, he banged Teri Hatcher--if it didn’t work then, it’s not going to work now...

And like... I’m sure this bunch of Hollywood nepo baby commies loves the idea that Star Trek is socialist and evil late-stage capitalism and shit and like... you do realize you keep introducing these grizzled captain rogue tramp freighter characters, they undermine that completely? You’re literally characterizing the socialists as lame dweebs and the capitalists as cool, sexy badasses. Which is valid, but I don’t think you intended to do that, Alex Kurtzman, I think you’re just lousy at your job.

-The circumstances of Baby Crusher’s existence are particularly silly. I’m going to get into spoiler territory, but apparently after Nemesis, Picard and Bev started dating, had unprotected sex, and conceived a child. But this Picard is a sort of workaholic Spider-Man and Beverly realized her new son would never be safe because of all Jean-Luc’s enemies. So she cut off contact with everyone from the Enterprise and started raising young Jack with Picard having no knowledge of her existence (I’m really tired of this trope, which I think no rational human being would ever actually do, but at least Picard chews Beverly out for this psychotic and incredibly uncharacteristic decision).

-This is where the TNG characters and the Picard characters feel like two separate entities that happen to be played by the same actors and share the same names. It’s not just that as they’ve aged, their ‘character development’ has led to Stewart and co. essentially playing themselves more than anything else (at one point, Picard calls someone “a dipshit from Chicago.”). It’s also that they’re treated as action heroes who are always going rogue and getting into crazy adventures; this season even introduces a mean, by-the-book Starfleet officer who acts as something of a pissed off police commission trying to rein these loose cannons in!

That’s just not my recollection of the characters. It’s the pop culture perception of Kirk, sure, and not a particularly accurate perception. But Picard was never really a cowboy. Yet they have these dumb moments like in the first season where he shows up at Riker’s house like “I’m in trouble” and Riker turns on a forcefield and busts out the phasers like the two of them are Murtaugh and Riggs. Picard had his moments of bucking the system, but they act like he was constantly riding around on a motorcycle in a leather jacket, smoking a cigarette--it’s even retroactive! They have Jean-Luc tell this anecdote about him and Jack Crusher Sr. stealing a shuttle from the Stargazer to go get laid. I really don’t think these writers have actually watched TNG--they just assume Picard is an older version of Shepherd from Mass Effect.

-Speaking of video games, the requisite superweapon this time around is portal technology. Yes, like in Portal. And the big obligatory terrorist attack is the bad guys opening a portal under a Starfleet recruitment center and then dropping it on top of a few city blocks. It’s a cool visual and all, but as a weapon, this seems to rate way behind good old-fashioned 20th-century nukes, much less all the phasers and torpedoes that are commonplace in Star Trek.

-And I know the last two seasons sucked, but it’d be nice to have some consistency. In Season 1, Picard was a contentedly retired old coot, not daredevil workaholic Spider-Man. In Season 1, Riker and Troi were happily married, albeit dealing with the grief of losing a child. Here, they’re estranged because Riker suddenly can’t take the grief we’d previously seen him work through.

And another thing: I found it risible in S1 that the technology existed to cure Riker’s son, but it was illegal, so Riker and Troi just shrugged their shoulders and said “Well, nice knowing ya, kid.” That’s the time they’d get the old gang together and steal a starship. And that’s the by-the-book, competent, dutiful officers we saw in TNG. The bunch of renegades and outlaws they’re characterized as in Picard just laid down and buried a kid? It’s so stupid!

-I know remaking The Wrath of Khan is the ol’ reliable of the Trek franchise, but this has to be the most bald-faced redo yet (with bits of Treks 3 and 4 The Force Awakens into the mix). I think Picard suffers in comparison.

-Speaking of comparisons, that “these Enterprise crew members have no respect for the law!” guy I mentioned before has a mad-on for Picard due to his time as Locutus. Obviously, that’s recycled from Sisko’s anger at Picard.

Now the DS9 example is pushing it a little far as the melodrama goes--Sisko’s being blatantly disrespectful, but still, he acknowledges the tension between them, Picard feels awkward, then they move on to official business and try to ignore the past. They actually get more heated about current events: Sisko’s reassignment and his possible departure from Starfleet.

In Picard, the character in Sisko’s shoes is far more unprofessional and emotional (we’ve given the excuse that he’s on painkillers, but you’d think that they’d have pain meds that would leave people entirely rational in the future--he certainly acts rational enough for the remainder of the episode). In front of his demoralized crew, he goes on a lengthy tirade about how much he hates Picard and all I could think by the end is that this is a guy who’s lost all respect of the people under his command. He’s more pissed off at Picard thirty years after the fact than Sisko was just a couple years after his wife died!

-They’re also doing... what I think is a dead name metaphor where the captain, because he’s a jerk, refers to Seven as Annika Hansen instead of Seven, since he hates Borg? But all it does is make it seem odd that Seven is still going by Seven long after she’s reclaimed her humanity and even joined Starfleet, given that the Borg are the ultimate evil of this universe. It’d be like if someone left a Neo-Nazi organization and decried everything they stood for, but still insisted on being referred to by their SS rank or something. What a weirdo!

-Wait, Seven joined Starfleet in Season 2, which was last year... and this year, she’s already first officer of an entire ship? Shouldn’t she still be in the Academy? And you thought it was silly when Kirk became captain of the flagship at the end of Star Trek 09!

-Raffi is awful, as usual, always either acting like a crackhead or ‘acting’ like a crackhead. She’s Space Jack Bauer now, so every scene she’s in is acted like she’s on the verge of tears, about to fly into a homicidal rage, or both. She has a scene with Special Guest Character The Audience Cares About Worf (’member Worf? I MEMBER!) where they’re both interrogating a bad guy and Worf is trying to build a rapport with the guy and Raffi is threatening to cut his dick off and shit. Raffi’s method works, because why should Star Trek be about communication and diplomacy working out when violence and aggression fails??

-My least favorite moment, though, is this bit where Riker is in command and Picard is giving him advice. Riker decides to listen to his advice, it goes to shit, and Riker turns to Picard and literally goes “You’ve just killed us all!”

You’d think a veteran starship commander would take some responsibility for his own actions instead of going “He told me to do it!” like a fucking little kid.

[tadpolesonalgae]

i was going to say azriel kind of did good finally but then bas did way wayyyy better and i just don't know anymore. bas and eris just treat her so much better than azriel or the ic, i dont understand why they can't see it when this dude (this sounds mean im sorry to bas lol) she basically just met figured her out in this little time.

im glad mor was pushing her and finally taking the time to put things together and i hope she goes and tells on her to everyone in the ic lol, they need to pay attention to her idc. it is ridiculous that she thinks asking for a different meal with no meat is a bother. i hope they start doing this a bit more, im tired of seeing her have no sense of self esteem or worth and no one giving out a hand

and elain's visions means the story is really moving now right? like the dream has to mean something. i wonder if elain knows she has powers. mor really was right in calling her stubborn lol like she has to know she can't hide her powers forever so i don't know why she can't just admit it and let her family help her. it is nice to see her have some personality finally

also i just had this random thought but since she lives in the house of wind then someone needs to fly her down when she goes into the city which would probably be az if they're the ones living there so az has been flying her down to meet her sneaky link lol - 🧶

‘i was going to say azriel kind of did good finally but then bas did way wayyyy better and i just don't know anymore.’

Yeah, Bas is just kind of doing his thing over there, offering more therapy and reassurance that any of the IC have managed (to be fair, she’s comfortable around Bas and doesn’t feel like she has to constantly watch her behaviour)

‘i dont understand why they can't see it when this dude (this sounds mean im sorry to bas lol) she basically just met figured her out in this little time.’

It hasn’t been explicitly stated, but so far Azriel’s the only one who’s actually met Bas and seen him in passing. I mean, knowing Velaris the others have probably just seen him but don’t know who he is in relation to reader!

To be fair to reader, it would be pretty awkward to invite your sneaky link to a family dinner type of situation 😭

‘and i hope she goes and tells on her to everyone in the ic lol, they need to pay attention to her idc.’

Initially I thought you meant like if reader admitted something to Mor she should go and tell everyone but yeah, Mor probably knows something’s up by now so it would be a little irresponsible for it to remain unaddressed :/

‘and elain's visions means the story is really moving now right? like the dream has to mean something.’

Honestly her dream was so fun to write but also so ridiculous 😭 Like if you want to read through her vision to try and guess at what’s going to happen there is some level of meaning to it (since it’s a vision) but I’d really be quite surprised if anyone actually manages to get anything 🤷

And yeah, scary progression in plot now 😬

‘but since she lives in the house of wind then someone needs to fly her down when she goes into the city’

So reader can actually winnow which—admittedly, I’m a little confused on how it’s portrayed in acotar since from how it’s described it sounds like it would be a Night Court thing but apparently it’s just anyone with significant reserves of magic👀—is why she’s fine being up at the House of Wind. (Yes, she was very reckless in learning how to make the drop from outside the wards down onto the balcony but hey ho, she’s a mess 🧡💛)