#who grew up still seeking it because obviously his parents did not give him shit

[astarlightmonbebe]

thinking about how sungjoon comes off as impulsive and loud and the type that acts before he thinks twice. he’s confident, self-assured, violent - to the point of losing himself in some points. he clashes with authority as much as he follows through; the type that listens to the rules and then makes his own. he laughs when he’s accused of being a murderer in a courtroom full of people. he’s the type that one would think is completely unaffected by other people, cares about them but not their opinion of him, and yet. yet. underwriting all of that is vulnerability, clear as day. sungjoon is anxious, wavering in the face of his family, swallowing everything back and lowering his eyes, curling in his shoulders, softening his spine. he doesn’t laugh when eunki calls him out on being secretive and lying, doesn’t react explosively or defensively. he curls in on himself, lets his eyes tell a thousand stories, opens his heart up on his sleeve like a book for her to read. towards sunghoon he overextends, overexplains, follows him like an eager child, even when the door is shut in his face, even when he gets a cold shoulder over and over again. he never gives up. he never stops trying. because under it all, sungjoon is still seeking attachment, clinging to what he was and afraid to form any more, but starving for it. it’s written all over his face - the fear that he’ll be abandoned, that he’s losing himself, that his brother doesn’t trust him, etc.

[sidespart]

For the fake fic title, if you're still doing it: Why do you hate me? (I honestly don't know where I came up with this lol)

X-Men AU!!! Found Family + Anxceit friendship. TW: child soldiers, child endangerment, abuse etc

(So typical X-men universe set up: some people are born with the X gene, which typically triggers during puberty, giving that person a mutation which normally results in cool powers. Many people hate mutants for their differences (/ bad press of people using their mutant powers for the evilz) and so most mutants live in hiding. The Xavier Institute is a school set up by an extremely powerful mutant which seeks to provide a safe space for young mutants to learn to manage their powers, get a regular education and hopes to see peace between humanity and mutant kind. The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants is a group of mutants who believe humans will never let mutant live in peace and do various anti-human, pro-mutant vaguely terrorist-y actions (there’s like a billion version of the x-men and these details may not be correct for all the versions all of the time because comics but this is the vague idea))

ANYWAY PLOT - Containment breach at the Super Secret Child Soldier Lab (SSCSL) - Subject VII has escaped. Subject VII is only 6-7 years old but his mutations were artificially triggered much younger than is normal. He can warp reality and create very sophisticated illusions, but has very limited control over his powers.

Cut too - Virgil and Dee, a couple of teenage mutants living on the street. They find a little boy with a buzzcut wandering around The Bad Part Of Town and Virgil immediately decides they need to adopt/help him (Dee makes more of a fuss about how this is not their responsibility and the kids barely even talking and do you know how hard I work just to keep you and now you wanna add another mouth to feed?? Huhh?? but obviously does not actually say no) (Dee is like. Barely any older than Virgil he’s just dramatic). 

Naturally, just as the three of them have had time to bond, the SSCSL and other assorted bad guys show up to try and take VII back. There’s a big fight, Virgil and Dee have a lot more experience with flight and would probably have ended up dead if the X-men (Patton and Logan) hadn't shown up to save them. 

But they lose VII.

Patton and Logan take them back to the Xavier institute to recuperate and offer to let them stay. They can go to school there, get some training and help the X-men track down VII and the whole SSCSL. Virgil says yes, Dee says no.

(So, reasoning - Virgil's mutation developed when he was 12. It was not pleasant. Various students at his school were injured and the media set up a which hunt for the mutant that caused the chaos. Virgil ran away from home because he was worried about the backlash on his family and about hurting anyone else again. So to him, this school full of mutants who can help him control his power, can offer him stability and a return to normal structures and routines, who are promising to help him get in contact with his parents if and when he’s ready?? This is like every fantasy he’s ever had come true

Unlike the other characters, Dee’s primary mutation is physical. He was born with it, its very obvious and its resulted in him being rejected for most of his life. He bounced around increasingly disturbing foster homes before running away when he was very young, so most of his memories are of living on the streets and surviving on his own. So, to him, number one: all adults are inherently untrustworthy idiots and number two: stay at a school? where they expect him to have a curfew? and, what - write essays? follow all their random arbitrary rules? rely on them for food and heat and all that shit? Completely ludicrous.)

It doesn't occur to either of them that the other one isn't going to agree with them. The resulting argument is epic and cruel, both hurling accusations at the other (Ungrateful /controlling are two of the big ones..) and both basically feeling hateful and 100% betrayed. Dee leaves and although they look for him, he’s got a lifetime experience of hiding and they cant find him.

CUT TO - 5 years later. Virgil is a (semi) well adjusted 19 year old junior X-men. He’s still a bit withdrawn, but is very close with Patton and Logan. He’s still holding out hope of finding VII one day and still firmly pretending he’s not listing out for any possible news of Dee (there were rumours some years ago of him joining the brother hood of evil mutants but then it all went quiet) who he, of course, hates for his betrayal. 

BUT THEN - mysterious knocking at the door in the night. Dee, now wearing a hat and cape and calling himself Janus, has returned. And he’s brought with him a little boy with a buzzcut and a tattoo of XXII on his foot.

Janus and Virgil need to put aside their resentment and work together to help XXII, who really does not seem interested in helping them, and hopefully use any clues he can give them about the SSCSL to track down VII. But that's difficult when they’re both still struggling with their own trauma and have no idea how to reconnect - both of them want to ask why do you hate me but are a bit too scared of the answer. ...

This already got way to long so mutant power/ extra back story descriptions under cut!

Patton - 22/27 years old. An extremely powerful telepath/empath. It takes him serious concentration and focus to not hear peoples thoughts and its almost impossible to not feel their feelings. Some people dislike him because of this as they feel he's spying on them. Grew up in the Xavier institute and 100% believes in and is committed to the future where humans and mutants live in harmony. Has pretty limited life experience in the real world. Sometimes floats. (inspired by professor X)

Logan - 21/26 years old. Fires destructive laser beams from his eyes. Was in a car accident when he was younger leaving him with permanent but apparently harmless brain damage - until his mutation developed and he slowly realised that no matter how much he trained he just couldn't control his power. Has to wear specialised eye guards at all times to keep himself from accidentally destroying everything around him. Had big plans to go to university and was angry at his mutation for a long time for getting in the way of that. Eventually enrolled online and is now a very dedicated teacher at the Institute. (inspired by cyclops) 

Janus - 15(?) / 20(?) His primary mutation is  lizard/snake like scales over most of his body, but especially the left side. Has oversized fangs, and yellow eye and a short lizard tail. His secondary mutation makes him immune to almost any sort of mental based mutation (so Logan could still knock him on his ass with his lasers, but Patton cant sense anything form him and Virgil cant whammy him). Spent a lot of his life on his own and got by being sneaky, cunning and charming. Initially took Virgil in because he saw that his powers could be useful for keeping them both safe, but eventually Virgil became his first real friend.

Virgil - 14/19. Shadow manipulation and ‘draining’. Virgil can make himself (and with practice, people he touches) literally disappear into the shadows. He can also direct shadows as powerful energy ‘blasts’, but in order to do so he has to drain any surrounding living things of their energy. When his mutation first developed  he took out half of the school hall where his exam was being held, leaving 15 students in a coma. (inspired by rouge/shadow cat)

VII - 6? / 11? Reality warping/illusion powers. One of the institutes first successful subjects. He was able to escape by changing the wall of his cell into a door. He finds it hard to talk but can project his ideas as lifelike illusions who can talk for him. One of his best is the image a handsome grown up Prince and he will often use this Illusion as an avatar to communicate. When he was 6 he did have some hazy memories of outside the SSCSL and expressed a desire to go home. Current status is unknown. 

XXI - 7.  Illusion powers  (reality warping has been removed from the program by his time as subjects proved too difficult to control). Has no memories of outside the institute and is extremely uncooperative with his new captors/guardians. He does not understand the affection they’re trying to show him and lashes out a lot, often by creating a lot of extremely disturbing and graphic illusions. Bites. 

[memryse]

hello tumblr i present my canon-compliant "DSMP But... Everybody Discovered Large-Scale Organised Religion" mianite au which took a few hours to write up oops. basically here is a list of which god everybody would follow and why, based on canon events (i have therefore left out a couple of the members who don't really do lore or be on the server much because i definitely don't know about them enough to be accurate!)

dream: mianite. obsessed with control, you get it. went too far though and developed his own obsession with controlling the server so he is now godless and in jail

tommy: dianite. tommy is a favourite of dianite's - he's idealistic with a penchant for chaos, and like i said in my other post dianite probably sees himself in tommy a little. they're both misunderstood as Bad People

tubbo: ianite -> dianite, he converts post-doomsday. grew up as a follower of ianite and trying to follow her path put added pressure on him during his presidency. embraces being a dianitee with the start of the nuke program, but he keeps all his ianitee family heirlooms. ianite still holds a soft spot for him because of his family and occasionally gives him minor blessings. that being said she's of course a little disappointed he chose to change gods, but respects his decision

ranboo: no god, but enderwalk ranboo is an acolyte of ianite; awakeboo eventually converts to ianite when he reads awakeboo's note and decides to become more active in conflict resolution. he realises ianite actually aligns with his newfound ideals, and is of course more in touch with his ender side. however prior to this he wasn't really very keen on worshipping any gods, seeing as all he saw from them was wars waged in their names.

wilbur: also an atheist. probably prayed to dianite during pogtopia ("dream, i want to be your vassal" type beat) but other than that he's the type to criticise organised religion and be an independent leader, no need for gods. wilbur and ranboo narrative foils my beloveds!!!

techno: ianite. the thing about c!techno is he has one goal and he will stick to that no matter what - it's not total order, but it's not chaos either because there is motivation and reasoning behind it. also, a core tenet of ianitee ideology is not involving yourself in conflict until somebody personally wrongs you. much like butcher army era techno where he retreats to a peaceful (more godly, in this case) life until he's hunted down, at which point he Fucks Shit Up. in general techno holds grudges and takes even slight betrayals very seriously.

phil: ianite. i can see antarctic duo as former warriors of ianite! idk i don't have much to say phil is just.. a chill old warrior. probably jaded and tired of fighting wars for his goddess, but he still prays to her. specifically he prayed every night that wilbur could finally find balance in the afterlife. :)

niki: also ianite. definitely. niki values her own beliefs and morals, she's her own independent self. maybe she was a mianitee pre-nov 16th, but not since then. this makes the syndicate pretty much just a secret squad of ianitees (+ ranboo who everyone kind of just assumes is an ianitee given that, yknow, enderman). this is extra fun with the syndicate table being an end portal

sam: mianite 10000000%. he puts his commitment to duty above all else. not really much more to say he is just fully committed to keeping the server safe by carrying out mianite's will and imprisoning dream.

foolish: he's a god himself, so he doesn't follow any of the main three. however in the past he did work with mianite, enforcing his control over the land. from what we know about his totem of death period it wasn't like.. wanton destruction, it was him seeking control through violence, so i'm not inclined to say he worked with dianite back then.

george: man just wants to sleep and farm wheat, he's mianite. ez.

sapnap: also mianite. dream team as mianite's strongest and most revered knights!!!!!!

puffy: she's a pirate lady i don't know what to tell you other than she was part of capsize's crew. ianitee pirate ladies i care you. plus i feel like puffy centres mostly on people and not allying herself with specific nations or causes, she believes in balance above all.

eret: i view the greater dsmp as a mianitee nation, so as king of it they obviously have to follow mianite. eret has always strove to be a good king and help their nation prosper. plus, who knows what went on in the past with foolish. former mianite warriors eternal duo? i think so! (i think it would be cool if a literal reincarnation of herobrine was a mianitee purely because it fucks with everybody's expectations)

quackity: dianite. not just because he's chaos incarnate at times but like his entire current arc is so reminiscent of the fact that s2 dianite was literally a businessman. rip ghost dianite you would've loved c!quackity

fundy: oh boy here's a complex one. fundy switches gods frequently - look how much he craves acceptance from authority figures, from a substitute parental figure. i think right now his prophetic dreams could be interpreted as him being chosen by a certain god who sees potential in him, but i can't say who bc we don't really know too much about them or even why he's suddenly having them. that being said his chaotic scamming foxboy side definitely embodies dianite and he should have stuck with dianite the entire time but nah he needs Validation

jack manifold: follows dianite, but dianite isn't really pleased with him trying to kill tommy so often (seeing as he likes tommy). this is why he has such comically bad luck. his god is continually fucking with him.

karl: ianite, specifically chosen by her to become the historian of the server. the purple theme.. the duty to write down history as it truly happened (as opposed to censoring history like a certain mianite did). the existence of both the in between and the other side. karl Is balance. thank you. (also this makes karlnapity's marriage one mianitee, one ianitee and one dianitee. diversity win!)

schlatt: mianite (derogatory)

the eggpire is pretty much just the darkness isn't it. mianite was the blueprint actually.

bbh: dianite at first, judging by the badlands' ideology. corrupted by the darkness though.

antfrost: also dianite, but probably really lowkey about it and only ever prayed when the badlands needed his blessings. again, corrupted now

hannah: mianite - her connection to nature is by extension also a connection to mianite, the god of the overworld. plus she cared about maintaining harmony on the server and went to lengths to ensure it like the whole "killing her own dogs to protect them" thing. currently on her corrupted girlboss arc though

punz: dianite, he likes money and killing people idk what more you expect from me. even after joining the eggpire this has not changed at all. he'll work for other gods' followers for the right price but he's not changing his core beliefs

ponk: i don't know very much about him i'm ngl, especially not pre-eggpire. prior to his corruption though i do kinda like the idea of a mianitee doctor doing fucked up little experiments idk he just has mianitee vibes to me in the same way tucker was a mianitee.

skeppy: he and bbh are obviously both dianite together prior to the egg. it simply would not be right of me to put him anywhere else.

purpled: ianite. the colour purple... the tendency to stay so far out of conflict that he doesn't even log onto the server... mans was born to be an ianitee actually

[still-we-rise]

After all the emotions from yesterday dropped, I suddenly felt the need to elaborate on Max Verstappen. And it will be from a perspective of a person who grew up in abusive household, so I hope it will be somehow informative. 

If you feel anxious about the topic or you simply don’t give a fuck, do not click “keep reading”. 

Okay. First of all, I have never been particularly hiding the fact that I do not like Max, but I’ll try to be as objective as possible. 

I wanted to post the screen, but I couldn’t find it, so I’ll just quote it. I saw a hashtag on tumblr under the post about Max saying: “It’s not the world’s fault your dad doesn’t love you” and guys... just don’t. I get that emotions run high. I know that he is rightly disliked. But please, stop treating this matter so trivially. I personally grew up in a household where I never, ever felt loved and it left a huge mark on my mental state. I can only speculate, but it probably affected his as well. Don’t make fun of a child without parental love. Don’t make fun of a child growing up without a healthy, supportive father figure, especially a small boy. Don’t post such things like it’s nothing. It’s a serious matter that should be treated with the right amount of respect and empathy. 

But it doesn’t mean that Max has to be granted respect and empathy. He hasn’t earned it, and later he did everything to make it even worse. He’s rightfully criticised and you have every single right to dislike him, correct him, call his words a load of bullshit. It’s not the issue. The issue is ya’ll think that abuse is something you eventually grow out of. And.It’s.Not.The.Case.  (obviously I am not talking about growing UP, ‘cause it’s something totally different). 

Max keeps his guard as high as possible. He’s got this attitude that he doesn’t give a flying fuck about what people think about him and such. I was behaving the exact same way, you know, before I met wonderful people who helped me. Looking at Jos, I can imagine how he treated his little son, so I am sure as hell that Max deep down is very afraid of being judged. He behaves like this so no one would dare judge him. The result, obviously, is the opposite, but we are not talking about common sense. He needed thick skin to survive and him being a total asshole, trying to look like alpha male, is something he picked up and it stayed with him, because he doesn’t know the other way. 

And I’ll tell you why Max will never change. The first step to effective therapy is to acknowledge and accept the fact that you have grown up in abusive family. And if I learned something about him from his behaviour, is that he thinks that nothing is wrong with him. He refuses to acknowledge that he needs help. It’s another coping mechanism - telling yourself that it's the others who are bad and don't understand you, rather than admitting that you have a problem with yourself, because your father fucked you up. 

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS that abuse is not a get-out-of-jail-free card. We all know Max has problems. We all should absolutely empathise with him on this level. But it doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t face the consequences of his behaviour. Instead of saying “Look, my poor boy was abused, it’s justified that he’s an ass and treats people like shit, because he was treated the same way, poor little fella” say “He’s a total asshole because of his problems, so he should seek help and do everything he can to do better, because he is still a public person and his words affect many people”. 

I hope at leats some parts of my rant made sense. Feel free to add whatever you like. 

[demwhore]

Hands to Myself (L.DH)

Pairing: Lee Donghyuck x Female Reader

highschool au

Description: You swore to yourself that you will stay devoted to the one and only Mark Lee, or not?

words ➙ 7k

genre ➙ romance, angst

warnings➙ profanities, fist fight, scenes of making-out, mark is a red flag

A/N ➙ for hyuck’s bday. I dedicate these to @jaextapose​, this is the hyuck fic I promised you. @imoonstarstuff​ i hope you will love this! I apologize for some grammatical errors. Happy Reading!

Can't keep my hands to myself. No matter how hard I'm trying to.

Who is your crush? Mark Lee. Who do you love? Mark Lee. Who’s the one your heart is yearning for? Mark Lee. Who is your baby? Mark Lee. Whose name are you shouting in the corridors? Mark Lee. The reason why you’ve got detention, because you choose to watch him practice rather than attend your Biology Class? Mark Lee. Does he know you? Of course. Does he like you? Uhm, no. Does he love you? Now that is offensive, Fuck no.

Mark Lee knows about you, but for him, you were just a childhood friend and neighbor. But you were more than determined to snatch his neck and heart.

Tottering inside your room, you mumbled, “Ah!” you flicked a finger and your friend rolled her eyes, “Operation 101, steal Mark’s attention!” you said in a matter of a fact. You stood there, chin up high in confidence.

Krystal frowned, “Bitch, how? Mark is busy and doesn’t even spare everyone a glance, let alone you!” Krystal pressed. You acted as if you didn’t hear her reality slapping rants. In fact, you don’t give a shit. You just stared at your phone’s wallpaper dreamily, a satisfied sigh leaving your luscious lips, a live photo of Mark. To you, he wasn’t just Mark Lee, more like an angel who has a questionable love for watermelons. You reminded yourself to stop by the grocery and to give him a watermelon, as a bait for the incoming prom.

You gave her a grin, all your teeth showing, “If he rejects me, then I will pursue him,” you paused and plopped down your bed, Krystal following your figure.

“Again.”

Krystal shook her head in disbelief.

Legends say, If your crush doesn’t like you, then consider forcing them to like you back. And you strongly believe in Newton’s third law of motion, For every action, there is an equal reaction. A watermelon for Mark’s attention.

You transferred schools because of your father’s profession, one which included moving from one state to another. You were outgoing, so socializing in a new and unknown environment was easy for you. In a span of a short time, you’d quickly adapt to your surroundings. But as soon as your father would announce, you’ll be moving places, again, you’d have no choice but to start the socializing pace again. And you were never tired of doing it repeatedly. As you proclaim, you were a social butterfly.

But all your talkativeness crumpled and disappeared when your new neighbors was invited for dinner. The Lee’s entered your house, they were so kind and calm. Your family got along with the Lee’s in an instant. They had two sons, of which, one you love and one you hate. Across from your seat you saw him, Mark Lee. And there, from that moment, your tongue got tied, your parents even thought, you were sick. Because (Y/N) never shuts up and would find every opportunity to talk. But Mark Lee made you. It was a glamorous moment that you were gaping at Mark that night, but one would always spoil the moment, calling you out.

“You have drool over your table napkin.” You snapped out of your strance and glared at the boy beside Mark. Lee Donghyuck. He was a year younger than his older brother—he had a golden tone, his moles remind you of your favorite constellations, his lips are plump unlike Mark’s, and even though you hated to admit, he is handsome, very handsome.

You snapped, “Excuse me, I don’t drool.”

Donghyuck shrugged at you, “I certainly saw it with my two eyes.”

You settled down your fork, the utensil clinking down onto the mahogany table. You raised your voice, “I don’t.”

“Liars go to hell.”

“I--” You were stunned, your wide eyes staring back at his mischievous ones. He was smirking, and you really want to wipe off his face.

Hyuck shrugged, “See?”

You huffed. And were about to open your mouth to retort back, but your parents shushed you. The adults were amused to see the mini cat-fight between you and Donghyuck.

You mother mused, “Sweetie, that’s enough. You wouldn’t know, you and Donghyuck might be together in the future.” She gave you a grin while you fake-gagged.

You protested, “That’s impossible. Mom!”

They only laughed at your protests. They resumed eating and talked about business matters and other things. That night was memorable for you. You’d finally met your prince-charming and you were stealing glances at his way, but he was too engrossed that time, with the food in front of him. He had a laid back personality. You knew a little of Mark that night, as far as you could recall, the way his eyes sparkled at the sight of the watermelon. Your attention was just focused on Mark. But little did you know, Lee Donghyuck had his eyes set upon you, before you could even land your eyes on Mark.

I want you all to myself.

“Do you know where Mark is?”

You faced Jeno. You spent a whole hour searching for him, but Mark is just skilled at hide and seek. It is really tiring to search for his whereabouts. And the fact, you had to carry a watermelon with you? Tiring it is.

“Yeah. We had a dance practice, but he went out. Why are you searching for him, (Y/N)?” The tall boy inquired. His sharp eyes scrutinizing the watermelon in your arms. You blinked and bit down a grin. He knew about that grin of yours, and it shouts Mark Lee. He was about to open his mouth to speak again, but a sudden arrival stopped him from doing so.

You turned your body to meet him, “Hi (Y/N) baby, is that watermelon for me?” He blinked fast, staring at you while his lips plastered a charming smile. His tone is so sweet, but it never fazes you, “How sweet of you, let me carry that for you.” He tried to snatch the watermelon from you, but you swatted his hand. He gave you a toothy grin. You took a while to observe him—he grew a lot taller, towering over you. Handsome as always—but he never gives you those butterflies. Donghyuck was wearing a black shirt and grey sweatpants, giving justice to his long legs. His hair is dyed purple and it seriously complimented his good looks. You mentally slapped yourself, You came here for Mark, right?

“Keep dreaming, Donghyuck.” You rolled your eyes at him. And he dramatically clutched his chest, making a sad face. Jeno was controlling his laughter, he shook his head.

“I think Mark is outside, go on and check” Jeno gave you his signature eye smile. You beamed at him and rolled your eyes immediately as soon as you settled your eyes on Donghyuck. He only smirked, and you hated how his smirk gives you that questionable effect.

“I will be right back,” You paused. You unleash your confidence from the depths of your system. You raised your chin, you squealed excitingly, “And when I return, I will be having a prom date.” And you strolled away.

Jeno hissed under his breath, “Right, the prom is near,” He trailed then looked at the purple-haired boy beside him, “You got a date already?”

Before Hyuck could even answer, Jeno spoke again, Hyuck closed his mouth. “You have a large fanbase, I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard for you to ask for a prom date,”

Donghyuck opened his mouth to speak, but Jeno continued on, “They will be volunteering before you could even ask.”

Donghyuck licked his lips, while glaring at Jeno, “Can I speak?”

Jeno held his nape, grinning at the boy. “Go on.”

“Are you sure? I’m sure you have other things to say. I’m all ears, no interruption.” He said with all sarcasm, giving emphasis to the word ‘interruption’ and rolled his eyes. The other boy laughed at his sassiness. Jeno made a gesture, zippering his lips, and looked at Donghyuck expectantly.

“I already have a prom date.”

Jeno’s eyes widened, his lips forming an ‘o’, “Really? Who?”

Donghyuck chuckled, “The girl who carried a whole ass watermelon around the university.”

You're metaphorical gin and juice. So come on, give me a taste.

“Hi Mark--”

You were stunned when you saw Mark at the hallway. You immediately hid behind the tall lockers. His back is facing you. He had his right hand over his nape and in front of him was a girl— a higher year than you and no doubt, is gorgeous. You sealed your mouth shut, and waited behind the lockers. You hated to pry into other people’s businesses but this was something you couldn’t afford to ignore. It was Mark, for heaven’s sake, and you knew, curiosity would kill you if you choose to leave.

Mark stuttered, “I haven’t prepared a promposal or something,” He let out a breathy laugh. You started to get jealous of the girl he is talking to; Mark never laughed in front of you, let alone to talk to you for a long period of time. The one time he stayed long to talk to you was when he asked you of his parent’s whereabouts. “Do you wanna go to prom with me?”

You peeked. And you wished you hadn't. The girl smiled up at him, and nodded. Mark let out a contented sigh. He leaned in, and planted a loving kiss. You counted, five, ten and lost count. You stood there, aggravated. Being single since birth was hard, and now, you just have witnessed your first love make out with someone who is not you, in a vacant hallway.  This is certainly the first time you’ve felt pain—heartbroken. You wanted to break free and scream at yourself for being so pitiful, crushing and gushing over a guy who obviously doesn’t like you.

Your subconscious is taking over you, there are red flags, yet you still insisted. Mark was a red flag, yet you still chose to dive in. Your vision blurred; tears were attempting to well out like waterfalls. You gulped, your chest tightening. You took a sharp intake of breath and let it out slowly, not making any noise. Your heart is beating rapidly. You tried to divert your attention away; looking at the poorly decorated bulletin board, the announcement posters, Donghyuck’s face that is staring back at you, anything but the two people savouring each other. You were about to return back to the gym when your sneakers squeak when you tried to pivot back. Your sketchers are not giving you a damn break. The two broke their kiss and looked at your frozen figure by the door.

Mark called out. “(Y/N)?”

Oh shit. You furiously wiped your face and patted your cheeks using your right hand. Patting left and right. You hissed when you felt the cold sensation from your fingers. Mark approached your figure, “How long have you been here?”

You faced him. And he blinked in surprise—your face was slightly flushed, your eyes are red; obviously from tears. “Oh, I just got here.” Lies, big girl full of lies.

Mark observed you. You were avoiding his gaze, a thing that you never did when you are in front of him, you were fidgeting, and it is something unfamiliar to him—he knew you were confident and doesn’t get fazed a lot even if you are in front of him (he certainly knows you have a thing for him), and you seemed like you were out of words; desperate even to find the right things to say, he knew you were talkative and take initiative like always. The (Y/N) facing him was a complete opposite of the girl he is used to seeing. He asked you cautiously, “What’s up?”

Your mind went haywire. If this was a regular day, no heartbreaks, not seeing Mark in the hallways kissing a girl that he really likes, not hearing him ask somebody to be his prom date—you would have died on the spot. Since this was a first; Mark took initiative to talk to you. You lied again, words stumbling out of your lips carelessly, “Oh, my mom bought plenty of watermelons and she asked me to give one to you so it wouldn’t go to waste.” You shoved him the watermelon. You never initiated eye contact, because you knew, if you would, you would break down in an instant. Mark’s eyes were so beautiful, mesmerizing even, you would even kill to look at those eyes, to drown into them, to dive into them because his eyes are similar to a book—it is mysterious yet captivating. But in that moment, all you wanted to do was to get the hell out of that hallway and to never look at those tantalizing eyes.

“I gotta go. Bye.” Your tone was cold. It was never the usual; full of enthusiasm and color. You were surprised at your behavior but this was your coping mechanism. Mark was about to say something but you pivoted away from your spot. You pulled the gym’s door, went inside and closed it. The door banging in front of Mark. The door rattling behind you. You snatched the attention of the boys inside the gym, including Donghyuck’s. He stared at you. You forced a smile and waved towards the members of the basketball team. They were oblivious but Donghyuck isn’t. You bit down your lip and walked fast to reach the other end of the gym. At this moment, you wanted to get out of the places Mark could be at. Donghyuck threw his towel towards Renjun and chased after your figure.

Of what it's like to be next to you

“Shorty.” Donghyuck called after you.

“Fuck off.” You spatted bitterly and ignored him once again. You walked past the students in the corridor, you wanted to go home and not to deal with the devil. Heartbreaks are better mended at home, specifically at your room eating sweet and salty foods simultaneously and watching horror movies. Several female students are gushing at the sight of Hyuck— his face, his flushed, sharp jawline, moles that are alive like constellations at night, the body-fitting attire he wore, disheveled violet locks. You made a quick turn, the exit door is already in sight. But Donghyuck had other plans and decided to jeopardize your attempt of sashaying away from school. He yanked your backpack causing you to miss a step and stumble. You were about to yell at him, but his chest crashed in front of you, making you knock out of air. He led you into the janitor’s closet. You took a sharp intake of breath, his scent overflowing your senses. It was a mixture of fresh cinnamon and Calvin Klein. It wasn’t a bad combination; it was rather addicting.

“If you are here to bully me Donghyuck, piss off. I’m not in the fucking mood.”

You squinted in the dark. The janitor’s closet is small. You could even feel Donghyuck’s breathing—it smelled of mint. You tried to focus but Donghyuck’s presence is clouding your system like a resident virus. He leaned in, and you panicked, internally. You didn’t know what to do, or what should you do—your lack of experience with boys are now taking a toll. First, ignoring a red flagged boy named, Mark Lee. Second, dealing with his brother, that you hated so much, he barely even let you breathe. Like the moment you were in.

“You owe me three.”

You furrowed your brows, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Four.”

“What the fuck?”

“Five.”

“You’re seriously a headache Donghyuck. Let me breathe”

“If you say so.”

You were about to leave the crampy closet but Donghyuck’s arm encircled around your waist, securing it to place. He settled his hips so you couldn’t escape easily. He leaned down, once again. Your eyes bulged out, you felt feverish; your cheeks hot, and your pounding heart. You felt a tingling sensation in your stomach—butterflies. You couldn’t think straight. You felt a chilling sensation on your lips. It was soft, plump—and there you realized, Donghyuck leaned in for a kiss. You stayed there, frozen. He pressed his lips further, then breathed onto your lips. It lasted for seconds, it was five. Lee Donghyuck claimed your lips like it was his, for five seconds. Then, he broke the kiss. It was like an enchanting spell, it made you frozen, even dumb.

You acted first without thinking and smacked his chest as hard as you could. Tears coming out of your eyes, biting off your lips, you could even taste a tinge of your own blood.

You croaked out, “I hate you Lee Donghyuck! I told you to let me breathe,” Tears pooled out of your eyes, falling continuously over your cheeks, “Not to fucking steal my first kiss. It is reserved for Mark, you stupid!”

Mark Lee, again.

He shrugged, “You asked me to let you breathe, I did.”

You groaned. “Kissing doesn’t go that way!”

Donghyuck eyed you. And even in the poorly-lit closet, you knew he was giving you his signature, stinky look, as if you said the dumbest thing. “I am your first kiss, and stop acting like you know how these things work.”

“Why did you do that?”

“You cussed at me five times, and you deserve a punishment for that.”

You made a face, “You are so childish, Lee Donghyuck!”

“So are you.”

You huffed. Being frank, you are sure Donghyuck wouldn’t be letting you go, at this moment, especially when he saw you, on the edge of tears and breakdown.

“Tell me what happened.”

Lying to him is an inconvenience. You hated Donghyuck, but you needed someone to talk to, someone to lean on—and this wasn’t the time to be picky.

You tried to control your tears, “I decided to ask Mark to be my date. And It didn’t go well.”

“He rejected you?”

“No, he asked someone.” Tears fell down your cheeks.

“And?”

“I saw him making out in the hallway,” You choked back, “It hurts.”

He shook his head in disappointment, “You are making yourself a clown, (Y/N). You shouldn’t be initiating the first move, you idiot.” You cupped your cheeks, wiping away your tears. 

You tried to defend yourself but Donghyuck cuts you off midway, “Shut up or I will kiss you.”

You sealed your mouth shut.

“Women should be treated like the way queens are treated. With respect, love, genuineness,” he tucked in a piece of hair behind your ear, “And you are a princess, you should be and deserve to be treated as one. You should never settle for less.”

You remained silent. Donghyuck continued.

“Just because you are head over heels to Mark means you should chase his wagging tail and do the things you shouldn’t be doing in the first place. Mark is my brother but he is a jerk,” he exhaled, “Do you know what could be the aftermath of your actions?”

You shook your head, no.

“Mark knew you like him. That’s a giveaway. You are doing things for him because you like him, don’t you? But it won’t apply like Newton’s law of motion, that with every action you do comes with an equal reaction in which you expect him to appreciate all the things you do for him and in return he will give you a chance? It doesn’t work that way, (Y/N). What would happen is, he would just make use of your vulnerability and use it for his own good, for his own benefit,” he paused, “He knew you would do everything for him without protest, and I won’t allow that. Never settle for less, (Y/N). There are other people out there that would love you for who the hell you are. People that would love you, for being, just you” And that is me. Donghyuck wanted to shout those statements in front of you. For you to snap out of your imagination. But he couldn’t do it because he knows, deep down, your heart is still yearning for Mark.

“Why are you saying all of these Donghyuck?”

“You deserved to be treated better, (Y/N). I am saying this for you to wake up. For you to know that you are being treated like shit and you should be aware of it. Being blind to love could be deadly.” And with that, he let go of your waist. He opened the closet and stepped out. You had a clear look of his face—it was unreadable. He offered his hand and you accepted it.

“I’m walking you to your next class.”

“I can walk, Donghyuck.”

“You don’t even know how to reciprocate kisses. I don’t trust you.”

“I hate you!”

You did a lot of firsts with Donghyuck. To be kissed, be shoved in a confined space, to be slapped out of your imagination. That was your first time being with Lee Donghyuck. And as much you hated to admit— you felt surreal.

Won't let one drop go to waste. You're metaphorical gin and juice

“Hyuck, we’ve been searching for you everywhere. Where have you been?”

Donghyuck marched over the gym. His eyes were glinting. His mind is not working properly—but he knew what to do; to kick Mark’s ass. He approached his brother and blew out a strike, right at his jaw.

“What the hell?”

For Donghyuck, when it comes to you, there's no honour, no code. All that matters to him is to punch every single jerk that took you for granted, even if it is his own brother. There was stillness on both sides. The other boys stood there, stunned. If hatred was visible in the air, the gymnasium would have been colored scarlet. Then, Donghyuck took another sudden movement. He attacked Mark with so much force in every punch. Each was powerful with hate and frustration. Donghyuck thought, what the hell did you see in his brother, for you to  risk everything, including your dignity? Donghyuck rained blows onto Mark’s face as if he meant to smash him into the very earth for being such a jackass. Mark tackled the younger’s shirt and he took his momentum to blow a straight blow towards his gut. Frustration eating up the older boy’s system. Each didn't just want the other dead, they just wanted to smash, obliterate each other.

There was blood lingering on Donghyuck’s knuckles and a bruise on his right cheek. Mark’s was way worse. Donghyuck pays revenge like hell, and that is what Mark received. The boys tackled the brothers away from each other. Shouts resonated in the air.

Donghyuck hissed, “You son of a bitch!”

Blood pooled in Mark’s mouth. Donghyuck stumbled backward for a brief second to catch his breath before diving into Mark, his eyes narrowed in determination.

Jeno bellowed, “Donghyuck, enough!”

Mark’s mahogany brown eyes widened. He managed to slip out of Renjun’s grasp and slammed into Donghyuck’s. Stars burst Donghyuck’s vision but he shook it off, blinding, he threw a sloppy kick.

“Mark! Stop! Coach will seriously kick our asses!”

Mark stepped back, easily evading Donghyuck’s kick. "Is it one of your red days, huh?" He crowed, smirking infuriatingly towards his younger brother. Donghyuck growled and attempted to throw himself at his brother, but Jeno had a strong grip on his torso.

Blood hummed in Donghyuck’s veins as determination and anger took over.

“Did you know how heavy that watermelon is?”

Mark made a confused face, “What are you talking about?”

Donghyuck snickered, “Of course, you don’t care. Mind you, Mark,” He spatted his brother’s name with such contempt, “(Y/N) searched for you around the school to fucking find you, and she was even carrying a heavy watermelon for you, you inconsiderate little jerk! She has a scoliosis for fucking sake, and what did you do? Reject her?”

Mark was stunned. “She never mentioned anything to me nor asked me something.”

Donghyuck let out an exasperated laugh, “She was about to ask you for prom. Even got you a gift, your favorite watermelon. But what did you do?” He paused and glared at his brother.

“It was her fault for raising her hopes high.”

Donghyuck furrowed his brows. His brother is indeed a jerk.

“That doesn't give you the right to tear her apart, asshole!”

Mark protested, “What is done, is done already. Quit crying.”

“You inconsiderate cunt! Remember when you were passed out drunk and you had a paper due the next day? Yea, (Y/N) did your paper and saved your dumb ass. At least you could be kind and extend your gratitude towards her and not to dick out.”

Donghyuck marched out. Shoving out of Jeno’s grip.

He paused at the door, taking a glance behind his shoulders, “You’re seriously letting go of a gem, Mark. All of her efforts are going down to waste because you are a jackass.”

All of the downs and the uppers. Keep making love to each other.

“Where have you been, (Y/N)?” 

You stared at the stressed-faced Krystal. 

“Just there”

“Stop lying.”

You told her everything, starting from your failed attempt of asking out Mark for prom, the janitor’s closet with Donghyuck and what he said but you spared the kiss— that thing shouldn’t be disclosed. 

“What Donghyuck said is what I have been telling you repeatedly, and this is the sign that you should just stop. This is all useless, look at you!” Her nostrils flared up, “Don’t settle for guys that screams bag news!”

“He’s not all that bad, Kystal!”

“Stop defending him (Y/N)! Wake up! He is not the guy for you.”

You challenged her, “Who’s the guy for me then?”

“Lee Donghyuck.”

You protested, “What? No!”

Krystal groaned, “Stop being so blind (Y/N). Hyuck has his thing for you and you were just so blind, you keep on ignoring the things he’s been doing for you.”

You furrowed your brows, “All he did was to bully me. He hates me the way I hate him. Period.”

“You’re unbelievable. He would literally go to school early just to escort you to your homeroom. Carry your bag because he is concerned for your back. Waits for you every class just so he knows where the hell you will go. Gives you origami roses. Tell me, is that what you are telling me? Hate? I don’t think so. He doesn’t hate you, (Y/N), there are other guys out there that would die to get your attention.”

“Krystal in the months I have spent here, no one dared to ask me out. Stop exaggerating things. And all Donghyuck does is to bully me, I don’t see the concern there.”

Krystal muttered under her breath. Donghyuck bullies you so you could give him your attention.

A knock interrupted the class. All your classmates scrambled and went back to their perspective places. But no professor entered the room. The president opened the door to see who was the visitor, and she looked at you, a playful smile plastering her lips.

Krystal grinned, “That’s Donghyuck.”

“(Y/N)?”

“Yes?”

“Mark is looking for you.”

And I'm trying, trying, I'm trying, trying

You blinked at the boy before you. He had cuts and bruises all over his face, his lips are busted, but he is still handsome. You tried to control yourself. He had made out with someone a while ago, and you saw it, clearly, with your two eyes. You hated him, don’t you?

You greeted awkwardly, “Hey Mark, what brought you here?”

“I just wanted to thank you for the watermelon.”

“Oh it’s nothing.”

“No, you had a back problem and I felt bad you had to go through searching for me all over the place.”

You fiddled with your school skirt, “It’s okay Mark. It’s nothing, and besides I have done things that are way out of my league. The watermelon was a piece of cake.” You really did things for Mark. Cheering for him every school game, despite the protests of Krystal that over-cheering could be bad for your throat, yet you still did. Stayed up late to create letters for him, all with exceeding characters and bullshits. Bought him a t-shirt from his favorite brand. Did his homework. Had detention for skipping out classes just to see him perform at the acoustic sessions club. He never recognized your efforts. He would, if he was forced or teased by his friends. And, you were still setting your hopes up.

“Did you come to ask me out for prom?”

You gulped hard. A blush crept to your cheeks. You avoided his eyes and nodded. 

He spoke again, “I have already asked Natalie. But I can dance with you, is that okay?”

You tried to control the twitch of your lips. “Is it okay for you?”

Mark shrugged, “A dance won’t bite,” He gave you a smile, “Just wait for me on the dance floor by ten, and I will meet you there.”

You beamed at him. Your subconscious is yelling at you. You were heartbroken and hated Mark a while ago, but here you are, knees wobbling, falling for him, again. “Thank you Mark.”

Mark just raised his brows at you and left shortly.

You are trying to remove Mark out of your life when you saw him ask out someone. But, he had his spell casted upon you, and with a flicker of his fingers. Mark got you crushing on him again.

Can't keep my hands to myself

After a week, then it was prom. You couldn’t find Donghyuck’s trace— as his existence was wiped out with a flicker. You and Mark started to chat, and got you squealing every beep of your phone.

4:00 p.m | Mark Lee: what’s up?

4:01 p.m | (Y/N) (L/N): preparing for prom ^^ how about you? :D

4:20 p.m | Mark Lee: preparing too.

4:21 p.m | (Y/N) (L/N): Do you believe in love at first sight, Mark? <3333

4:26 p.m | Mark Lee: Yea.

4:27 p.m | (Y/N) (L/N): Should I walk by in front of you again? lololol xD <3 

4:40 p.m | Seen by Mark Lee

You closed the app and re-opened then again. But Mark has left you on read. It’s always like this; he would talk to you and honestly, you experienced back pain from carrying the conversation. No pun intended. He talks so dry and takes a while to reply back. Sometimes, never replying at all.

You mumbled. “I mean he might be busy? Yes, that could be it.”

That was your mantra every time. You told Krystal about it over the phone and she was so mad, you could hear her yelling from the other line. 

Krystal voiced out. “Those are red flags, who the hell would reply minutes late?”

“I mean, he could be doing something.”

“If a guy is interested in you, he won’t let you wait. Even abandon what the hell he would is doing. This is just showing that he isn’t interested at all!”

You pouted, “Stop being so mean.”

“He is not interested in chatting with you because he is talking to his girl, stop dreaming.”

You applied your gloss. “At least he talked to me. I’m happy though.”

Krystal rolled her eyes, “He is doing the bare minimum. Other guys could do better. Honestly, what is with you and your unexplainable attraction towards trashy guys a.k.a Mark Lee?”

You inhaled, “Stop being so harsh.”

“I’m telling the truth. And I am placing my bets, he won’t dance with you.”

You are accustomed to your best friend’s nagging. But couldn’t she just shut up and just support you with all you want to do?

You interjected. Hostility on your tone. “I’m tired of hearing you nag at me Krystal. Could you just let me be? Christ.”

Krystal clicked her tongue, “I warned you (Y/N). Don’t come up to me crying, because I never failed on reminding you that Mark Lee is trash.” And she dropped her phone. 

You heaved a sigh. It seems like you will be attending prom alone, without a date, without your best friend. 

I want it all, no, nothing else

The moment you entered the gymnasium. It was perfect. The interior, the design, everything was immaculate. You approached the assigned table and saw Krystal in her cerulean dress; it was made of tulle and lace, embroidery of blue flowers plastered the overall body of her gown and it had a sweetheart neckline, exposing her milky shoulders. You attempted to apologize at her, but she was giving you the cold shoulder. 

“I am letting you do whatever you want, (Y/N). Go on, chase after Mark.”

“Look, I’m really sorry Krystal.” She didn’t answered you, instead she played games on her phone. Completely ignoring your existence. You frowned as you clutched your rose corsage. It was useless wearing the flower bracelet, this is much better to wear with a partner. IFourth year is coming to an end; and you really wished this could wrap up nicely as you wished. You looked around the dim gym looking for Mark, but he isn’t at sight. You opened the messenger app, clicking on Mark’s chat head, yet he was online three hours ago. You sighed again. You sat there in your prom dress, waiting for the clock to strike ten. The dance was important for you, it was your dream after all. And you were excited to spend your first dance with Mark.

Time is flowing slowly. The principal extended her gratitude towards the student government for being successful with the prom, speeches of the faculty in their matching gowns and suits, the president of the student body organization awarded the winners; prom king and queen, best dressed, darling and dutch of the night. Out of all the awards, you managed to snatch nothing. Donghyuck was awarded the prom king. He stood there like a prince. Wearing a slim fitted suit; maroon; with a patch of gold flowers adorning the sleeves. A red rose corsage sat on the suit pockets. He wore a black oxford shirt underneath; the first three buttons were unbuttoned giving a glimpse of his sun-kissed chest.  A gold chain settled adorning his neck, tracing downward his chest. His violet looks were tamed, his hair was parted in the middle. He was given a sash, and he stood there, as if the awarding ceremony was so boring. He scrutinized the crowd, looking for a familiar figure. The reason why he attended prom, is he wanted to make sure you experience it the way you wanted it. Even if he isn’t included. Seeing you smile, is enough for him. He found your eyes, staring back at him. To Lee Donghyuck, you were so stunning, to him you were his prom queen.

I want it all, no, nothing else

The principal announced.

“This is the last dance. So grab your partner in the middle. No canoodling, I’m watching you.”

Ten o’ clock. Yet, you couldn’t still find Mark. You stood up from your seat, neglecting the sparkling drink served to you a while ago. Krystal’s eyes followed your figure. You stood in the middle of the dance floor. The lights were so dim; adding a cool and romantic ambiance. They played slow and sensual love songs. You stood there dumbfounded, couples are dancing; bodies close, lips connecting. You gulped hard, and continued to search for Mark’s figure. A tap from the shoulder caught your attention. You turned your body so fast, so missed a step, your stiletto clicking across the marbled tiled. Luckily, the person caught your body fast. You stared up, it was the prom king, standing tall, and overall glorious.

You forced a smile, “Prom King.”

“What are you doing here alone? You look like a joke.”

“I know.”

Donghyuck’s lips pressed into a thin line, “Mark?”

He knew by that solemn look on your eyes. He didn’t waited for your response, instead he pulled you away from the dance floor, and led you towards the corridor. At this moment, you lost hope. It was already ten thirty; and you spent thirty minutes standing and looking for Mark’s whereabouts. You are now giving up, your hopes that Mark would reciprocate your feelings is now disappearing. You wanted to cry; for liking a jerk, for acting like a fool, and spending your efforts to the wrong person. Krystal was right, you were just blind and deaf to understand.

Donghyuck held you by the shoulders. He leaned in to catch your eyes. “Do you really want to see Mark?” You nodded slowly. 

He opened the room. It was classroom 402. There wasn’t anything fancy in the room. But you certainly saw Mark with Natalie, passionately kissing. 

You tried to remain composed. You left the room and stood in the hallway. It felt as if heaven played games on you. You’d had enough. You nibbled on your lips, controlling the big waves of sadness from pouring. Donghyuck cupped your cheeks. And you couldn’t hold in anymore, you broke down, cried in your prom dress, soaking Donghyuck’s oxford shirt. He hugged your trembling figure, whispering, “Let it all out, baby.”

Donghyuck planted a kiss on the top of your head. Then, escorted you out of the hallway. He used to love the corridors, but he might as well hate going to it now. He saw the love of his life, cry in the place he used to love.

Oh, I, I want it all

By the time you and Donghyuck returned to the gym, the dance was over. Closing remarks were delivered and the prom is now going to an end. You hadn’t got to dance nor enjoyed the whole event. This will be your memorable prom; being stood up by Mark. Krystal approached your figure and glared immediately at Donghyuck. She hugged you.

“What is it this time Lee Donghyuck?” 

“Woah, chill girly.”

“I swear, I will shave your head!”

You shushed her, “He did nothing wrong. Mark stood me up and I wouldn’t know if he didn’t show me.”

“Oh god. (Y/N), you don't deserve this.”

Donghyuck held you by the hips. And faced your best friend, “I’m escorting her home. She needs to rest.”

Krystal’s demeanor changed, hostility to calmness. She looked at you worriedly, “Rest, okay? Phone me whenever. I will listen.” You gave her a weak smile.

Your prom dress swayed behind as you took each careful stride. Your stilettos click after each step, and your feet are aching. The rose corsage is about to fall, but you couldn’t care more. Donghyuck escorted you to his Volvo P1800. It was a blaring red, vintage, sports car. 

“I never allowed people to ride my baby.”

“Oh. I will start walking then, thanks for the escort.”

“Oh god.”

He yanked your arms and settled you to the passenger seat. He muttered under his breath, “You were lucky, I love you, otherwise I would be kicking you out.”

You gave him a tired glance. “You were saying something Hyuck?”

He settled his arms on the roof of his car and leaned in. You reclined on your seat and held your breath, his face is just centimeters away from you, “I am just muttering how stunning you are,” he trailed and looked at your figure, “in that sparkling dress of yours.”

He offered his hands and you looked at him puzzled. “You’re asking for something?”

He rolled his eyes, “Just give me your damn hand, (Y/N), why are you such a slow poke?”

You protested, “I haven’t been in this situation either! I don’t know what to do!” You gave him your hand and you were surprised that he planted a lingering kiss on your knuckles. His breath fanning your cold skin. You gulped hard. Butterflies crowding your stomach and a blush crept on your cheeks. Lee Donghyuck and his charms.

“God, you’re so beautiful.”

He stood up quickly and went for the driver’s seat. He started the engine and it roared to life, the radio hums quietly in the background, and the a/c of the car is set onto the lowest setting. His car zoomed along the familiar neighborhood. The night sky is as alive; the stars twinkling brightly at night, the moon is up there, bright and gorgeous. It was a calming ride, but Donghyuck made a quick turn. The road he is taking is now unfamiliar to you.

“Where are you taking me? Don’t do anything stupid Lee Donghyuck.”

“Trust me.”

It didn't take you both long. He parked his car. He turned on the headlights to the highest setting and twisted the radio to its loudest. Lany’s ILYSB played loudly on his stereos. He jumped out of his car and jogged to your side, opening the door. He knelt suddenly. “What are you doing?”

He leaned in. His lips grazing your ears. “Does your feet hurt?”

You raised your tone. “Kinda. Why?”

He flailed his right hand. “Raise your foot.”

“What for?”

“Stop protesting (Y/N). Is that hard to do? Or do I have to kiss you to shut up?”

“All right, chill.” You raised your right foot. And he removed the straps of your stiletto, one after another. You are now barefooted. 

“What is this Donghyuck?”

Without your heels, Donghyuck is a foot taller than you. He grabbed your hands and pulled you towards the middle. His headlight shining towards both of you. It was blinding but all you could see was Donghyuck's grinning face. He pulled both of your arms and settled it over his shoulders. He started to sway according to the beat. He settled his hands on your hips. You followed his movement. 

“I’ve been waiting for this to happen. To finally have you alone. To dance with you. To look at your pretty face without being scolded out for zoning out too much.”

“You don’t have to do this Donghyuck.”

“Forget about Mark. I beg you (Y/N).”

You breathed, “I will.”

“I will prove to you that I am worthy, (Y/N). Give me a chance.”

That caught you off guard, you almost missed a step. But Donghyuck led you to the right step. “I don’t want people to say that I am using you as a rebound.”

“You don’t have to care about what other people will say. We will take it slow. I will teach you to love yourself first, before you love other people. That’s important.”

Donghyuck danced with you for a good minute. And you were happy that you get to experience dancing with someone, even if it isn’t on the school’s dance floor. You applied lip gloss on your dried lips. Donghyuck watched you intently, eyeing the gloss and your lips. 

“Can I have some?” You looked at him. You nodded and offered him your balm. He looked at you, bewildered, then let out a laugh. He held his face, hiding in his grin, “What did I do to deserve someone like you?”

“Huh?”

“I wasn’t asking for your balm. But alright.” Then he leaned in to capture your lips. Stealing your second kiss and having to taste your lip balm. It tasted like strawberries. 

Please like and reblog. Thank you lovelies and take care! <3

[mlovesstories]

His Thoughts on Therapy Part 1

Summary: Dean is forced to go to therapy.  He doesn’t want to, but he ends up meeting a friend.  

Warnings: Dean being emotional because of the fire, therapy, car issues, cussing

Words: 2600

Dean x reader!platonic

Sam x reader!platonic 

Dean x therapist!Dr. Sky

Masterlist of Masterlists

“Go.” Sam growled. “Or I’ll take you there myself!” 

Dean has made a bet of sorts with Sam. If his drinking became more frequent, Sam was going to be in charge of buying the beer and Dean would have to go to a therapist. They had experienced a lot, and they both knew that. Sam could see Dean fading, so he laid down the law, and Dean was not cooperating. 

“I’ll pour all the beer down the drain right now if you don’t go to your appointment. It’s in twenty minutes.” He was toward the fridge. 

“OKAY!” Dean stood up quickly and grabbed his keys. “Don’t touch what beer I have left.” He groaned. 

“Bye!” Sam sighed, happy he won the argument.

Dean went to his therapist for a few sessions.  He was very saddened when he saw that she was older than him and not his type.  Dean did not want to be there, and it showed.  He liked her, but he was not the ‘spill his guts’ type of person.  His therapist made an off comment about her mom passing, and Dean’s heart dropped.  

“My mom is gone too,” he said sadly. 

“I’m so sorry for your loss, Dean.” She frowned. 

“Yeah, it was a while ago.  It’s fine.” 

“You’re really good at not really dealing with anything, are you?” The doctor said seriously. 

“What gave it away? My sarcasm, deflection, or self-preservation?” He grinned. “Look, doc,” Dean sighed. “My mom died when I was four.  My dad told me to get Sam, so I got my brother out before the fire engulfed the stairs.  Dad was fine, but my mom didn’t come out of the house with him.” 

“Wow,” the doctor said, almost judgingly.  

“What? My story not good enough for you? I got more if you-” Dean raised his voice in defense.  

“No, Dean,” she put a hand up asking him to calm down.  “What I meant was that just from that one story you’ve told me, it tells me a lot about you.” 

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. 

“Like what?” 

“You grew up a lot that night.  I’d put my money on you as the protector and preserver of the family.  You probably blame your dad for your mom’s death in a way.” 

“Woah, my dad-” 

“I’m sorry.  That was very forward of me.” She frowned again.  

“I was in charge of Sammy, and he was supposed to get Mom.  He didn’t.  End of story.” 

“Mhmm.” Doctor Sky eyed him.  

“Okay, I’m done,” Dean stood and put the pillows back where they were placed at the beginning of the session.  “I’m done with you psychoanalyzing me.” He stormed out.  She didn’t chase after him.  The oldest Winchester walked down the steps to the parking lot.  Sitting in the Impala, Dean froze, not understanding his emotions.  All of a sudden, he realized he had hiccups.  

Why am I crying? I don’t cry!

But there was nothing he could do to stop it. Dean covered his face with his hands and sobbed. 

YN was late for her appointment.  She quickly walked from her car and ran up the stairs to the door she needed to enter.  An hour later, she noticed a car in the same spot that it was in when she had arrived.  Dean sat blankly in Baby, not seeing YN approaching.  She saw tear stains on his face and his eyes puffy.  

“Here,” she said, her hand extended with tissues, offering them to him.  Dean jumped. “Sorry.  Thought you could use them is all. Have a good day.” YN walked toward her car when he heard him call for her.  “Yeah?” 

“Thanks.”

“Sure.” 

Dean was surprised by the interaction.  No questions about why he was acting the way he was.  He appreciated it since he was, once again, not a ‘spill-the beans’ type of a person.  

The next time he saw his therapist, he apologized for his actions.  Dean himself was surprised he even went back, but he knew he needed to or Sam would not buy him any drinks.  

“Let’s talk about something else today. Other than your mom, how was it growing up? Are you and your little brother still close?” 

“Sammy and I live together.  He’s a lawyer, I’m a mechanic.  I can’t afford a house, so he lets me rent a room.  He’s taller, but I’m cooler,” Dean laughed, and so did the doctor.  “Growing up, my dad was gone a lot.  He had to run the shop pretty much by himself.  I had to take care of Sammy.” 

“You’re still very connected with him, that’s very nice to hear.  A lot of clients don’t have healthy family relationships if I’m being honest.” 

“We’re all we got, I guess.” 

“Do you get along with your father? Does he still run the shop?” 

Dean winced.  

“Am I missing something?” She asked, sincere. 

“He passed away a few years ago.  A car was on the lift, one of the arms broke.  He pushed me out of the way.  He didn’t make it.” 

“Wow, Dean.  That’s a lot.” 

“Yeah.  My brother has dealt with it better than I have.  He exercises regularly, I... “ he stopped himself.  “I don’t make healthy choices.” Dean laughed.  “I drink sometimes. Sammy said if I continued, I needed to see a therapist.  So, here I am.” Dean looked up from his fingers nervously running over a couch pillow placed on his lap.  

“Good for you.”

“Huh?” He was confused. 

“For seeking help.  You’ve been through a lot, Dean.  I have something I want you to try.  Can you draw?” 

“I used to draw my own comics as a kid.” 

“Perfect.  Here,” his therapist reached in her drawer and pulled out a sketch pad.  “Use this.  In two weeks, I want you have completed a scenario from your own life where you were hurt.  But remember that you’re the comic book hero in this.” 

Dean’s face dropped.  

“If you want me to read it, I will.  If not, that’s okay too.” 

 Dean relaxed.  

“Okay,” he followed her lead as she stood and led him to the door.  

“Great.  You did wonderful today, and I’m so happy to have you as a client, Dean.  Have a wonderful day.” 

Dean passed someone on the steps as he walked down to his car.  He heard sniffles.  Dean turned and found the girl he had seen previously.  

“Hey, tissues.” he smirked at his nickname for her.  She startled and looked at him.  “You okay, kid?” He saw bruises on her arm.  When she realized they were noticeable, she adjusted her sleeve.  

“Yeah, just got robbed.  I’m okay,” she shrugged, trying to keep the tears away.  

“Shit, kid.  Let me see,” Dean walked toward her, but she recoiled.  Forgetting how large he was compared to her, he didn’t realize how he came across.  He put his hands up.  “Just trying to repay the favor from the other day.  Promise I’m not here to hurt you.” Dean slowly sat down on the steps next to her.  He was surprised at her openness and trust level.  YN pulled her sleeves up to her elbows.  She had a few scrapes, but she looked to be okay.  “Looks like you need some tissues this time,” Dean grinned.  She smiled.  “I’m Dean.” 

“YN.”

“Are you here with your parents or someone who can help you?” 

“I don’t have anybody in this town.  Going to college here for the first semester.”

“Eighteen?”

“Twenty.  Transferred from a junior college.” She looked at her phone.  “Shit.  I”m late for my session.  Thanks, Dean.  See you around.” 

“Bye, Tissues.” Dean grinned. 

“Whatever, asshole,” she retorted, returning his expression.  

Dean kept thinking about his interactions with YN.  He felt bad for her that she was so young and on her own.  Obviously smart and cared for her mental health, but he somehow felt protective of her.  

“Kid?” Dean saw her in the grocery store. She turned.  

“Hi Dean.  How are you?” 

“I’m good.  Uh.  This is my brother, Sam.” 

“Hi,” Sam extended his hand and shook hers. 

“Damn, they make you guys big.” YN giggled.  “You from Texas or something?” 

“Nah, right here,” Dean laughed.  “Hey, you doing better today?” He leaned in closer so that others wouldn’t hear. 

“Much, thanks.” 

“Here, take my number, and you can call us if you need anything.” He ripped off part of his grocery list and wrote his cell phone number on it.

“Are you sure?” YN gasped at his sweetness. 

“Sure,” he shrugged. 

“Thank you,” she whispered.  “I need to go, but thanks, boys.  I appreciate it, really.” 

“Not a problem,” Sam said.  “I’m hungry, let’s go, dude.” 

“So what was that about? You don���t just hand your number out to people these days.” Sam looked up at his brother that evening at dinner.  

“Nothing.  She’s a kid and she needs help sometimes just like we all do.  She told me outside the therapy office that she doesn’t have anyone here because she’s going to KU, not from here.  YN is down on her luck, that’s all.” 

“You’re not asking her-” 

“Eww! No.  Gross.” 

“Okay, okay,” Sam leaned back.  “Just trying to understand.  

“She was black and blue the other day, Sammy.  You would have done the same thing.” 

“Whatever, dude.”

A few days later, Dean heard his phone go off in the middle of the night. 

“What?” He groaned, sleepy. 

“Dean, it’s YN… from therapy.” 

His eyes widened and his senses were alert.

“What’s wrong?” Dean immediately sat up in bed, concerned.  

“I got stuck in the road.  I heard you were a mechanic? Do you happen to have a tow truck? My starter is shot because of the storm and mud or whatever.  I’ll pay you for it, but can you help me?” 

Dean heard the waver in her voice.

“Where are you?” 

She told him the cross streets, and he told her he would be there in fifteen minutes.  

“You’re on the side of the road, right?” 

“Yeah.”

“Stay in your car, you don’t need to be stranded AND wet from the storm.  You’ll be okay.  I’ll be right there.” 

“Thanks, Dean.” 

When she saw a large truck getting closer, she flashed her head lights and tail lights at him.  Dean pulled in front of her car.  Getting out, he motioned for her to get into his vehicle. 

“The heat is on, stay warm! There are blankets in the back.  I’m going to put your front tires on the back of my truck and then we can go.  Just give me a few!” Dean shouted over the rain pouring.

“Okay!” YN ran to get into the warm vehicle.  She looked over her shoulder and saw flannel blankets on the floorboard.  

Ten minutes later, Dean came inside.  Soaked from the storm, he tried to warm up by putting his sleeves next to the vents.  

“Here,” YN grabbed an extra blanket.  She motioned for him to lean his head toward her.  YN ran the blanket through his hair to get the excess water off.  “Take your shirt off, it’s sopping wet.” 

“I’m okay.” He smiled, thanking her for thinking of him.  

“You’ll catch a cold, it’s fine.” She waited until he complied.  “Wrap this around you,” YN offered him the blanket.  

“Thanks,” he sighed.  “Let’s get you home.” 

After agreeing that he would take her car to the shop in the morning, he told her good night.  

“Tissues!” He yelled through the noise of the storm.  She turned. “I’ll give you an update tomorrow.  Don’t worry about it, okay? Go dry off!” 

“Okay!” YN hurried into her apartment before stripping off her clothes and blow drying her hair.  Retrieving her pajamas from the dryer, she settled in for the night.  

Thank God for that Winchester guy. 

“Hi Dean,” YN answered the phone the next evening.  

“Hey Tissues!  Your car is at the shop.  We’ve got a starter for you.  You’ll have it back tomorrow.” 

“Oh, that’s awesome.  How much do I owe you?”

“It’s usually one hundred, but it was an easy job, so don’t worry about it.” 

“You came and got me at 2am, brought me home, and then fixed my car.  AND YOU DON’T WANT ANYTHING FOR IT?” 

“How about you buy me and the guys two pizzas? ‘That fair?” 

“Oh my gosh.  Dean, yes.  Thank you!” YN squealed into the phone.  

“I’ll call you when it’s done, okay?” 

“Thanks, Dean!” 

Dean checked on her every few weeks after that.  Dean tried harder in therapy, realizing the value of it as he attended more sessions.  

“YN told me what you did for her.  How did that make you feel?”

“Good, I guess.  She needed some help, and I could help her.  She doesn’t think I’m a creep or something, right? I could be her dad, I was just trying to be nice.” Dean sputtered out.  

“I think it’s fine, Dean.” The doctor laughed.  “What I mean is that you gave of yourself when you didn’t have to.” 

“I guess.” 

Dean texted YN that night and asked if she needed anything.  

YN: Nope, thanks, Winchester. 

Dean: No problem, T. 

YN: When are you going to stop with the ‘Tissues’ thing?

Dean: You don’t like it?

YN: Dork. 

Dean: Whatever.  

“I’m not going! I don’t feel good!” 

“You’re not sick. So help me, I will dump that whole six pack down the drain if you don’t go to therapy today!” Sam chased after his brother. 

“I’m- she makes me think, and I don’t like it!”

Sam chuckled. 

“That’s her job, asshole.” 

“Shut up. Fine. I’m going. You better not touch my beer.” 

“Hi, Dean.” YN passed him after her session with their therapist.  “How are you?” 

“Not today, kid.” He ran past her and let the door slam as he entered the suite.  

“Damn.  Whatever, Winchester.” 

“What’s going on today, Dean?” His therapist got comfortable in her chair.  

“I’m fine,” he shrugged.  

“Is that why everything you’ve done while in my office has included sudden movements? And maybe the reason you sound like an elephant stomping around?” She raised a brow.  

“Doc, I don’t want to be here, okay?” 

“You’re only here because of Sam, yeah, I got that. What’s going on? No therapy talk, just a conversation.”

I don’t know.  Okay?  I’ve been a mess since I’ve been coming to see you, and I don’t know why.  I also don’t like it.” 

“Ah. So then why are you still here? Other than your brother making you? There has to be something else.” Doctor Sky at him squarely.  

“I’ve never felt like this before.  I’m an emotional mess and yet it feels good…? Is that weird?” Dean readjusted his sitting position on the office couch.  

“That makes perfect sense.  You’re exploring parts of your life that you haven’t in a long time, Dean.  It feels good to get it out, doesn’t it?” 

“Odd, I think is a better word for it.” Dean huffed.  “I hate being here, but I feel better about everything too.” 

“That’s not at all a surprise to me, Dean.” She pulled out a pen and wrote a note to herself.  :THat shows growth.  I think you’ve grown.”

“I guess.” 

“Did you write in your comic book?” 

“Oh.  Yeah.” Dean pulled it out from his large back pocket.  He tried to hand it to her. Before reaching for it, she tilted her head. 

“I gave you the option of not sharing it with me. Are you sure you want to?” 

He extended it further.  

“Did you enjoy putting your comic together?” His therapist flipped through a few pages and then looked up at him.  

“I mean, I wouldn’t say it was fun, but I would rather do that than write it out.” Dean shrugged.  

“Noted.  So I see in here you depicted the fire.”

“And the time I had to take Sammy to the emergency room on my bike because he broke his arm,” he grinned at the memory.  

“Oh my.” Dr. Sky smiled.  “Sounds like a story for another time.  Please keep using this, I think it will be beneficial to you.  When you need a new one, let me know.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

“I’m very proud of you for sticking this out.  I think we should talk about some coping skills for you.” 

“Come on, doc.” Dean adjusted his jacket on his shoulders, showing his uncomfortableness.  

“You’re showing new emotions, you need to know what to do with them, don’t you think?” His therapist put her notebook to the side.  

“Do you enjoy physical activity, sports, watching TV?” 

“All of the above.” 

“When you start to feel out of control, use one of those.  It’s good to feel emotions, and it’s healthy, but don’t let your mind stay there.” 

“Makes sense.” 

“You’re doing great, Dean.  Keep up the good work.”

Forever Friends (Everything):

@katymacsupernatural  @unicornblood4ever  @supernatural-crazed-girl

@fangirl-moment-x  @empirialwolf @winchesters-favorite-girl  @super100012  

 @percywinchester27  @waywardsuns  @supernatural-jackles  

@mcallmestiles @sdavid09  @kingandrear  @bellero @skylarraker

@seality​​​​​ @jaycc7983​​​ @luci-in-trenchcoats​​​ 

@cherryblossomflowers​​ @because-you-never-know-when​ 

@sleepylunarwolf​ @choosemyname​ 

@internationalmusicteacher​ @mersuperwholocked-lowlife​ 

@encounterthepast​  @torn-and-frayed​ 

@giggles1026​ @xiumin-girl99​ 

@mangueweaschester​

@idksupernatural​  @silverstripe101a​

@thevelvetseries​ @jennawinchester152a​ * @samsgirl93​   @supernatural3002​ *

* @breereadsthings​ * 

@a-magey​ @vicmc624​ @hookedinto-fictionalworlds​   @beatifuldisaster018​

@miraclesoflove​ @myopiamystical​ @fallen-wolf22​

@waywardnewcomer​  

@marvelouslysherlockedhunter @miss-nerd95​  @akshi8278​  

[mewbrilysis]

MDZS Jiang Cheng Character Ending Analysis (Novel/Drama Spoilers) - BY BRI >v<

If I asked you to change the ending of mdzs, without completely impacting the actual plot, by removing one character from the story, who would you choose? Obviously, removing any major character would change the story completely, and removing a character post-reincarnation wouldn’t affect enough to change anything, since most of the cultivational world would still despise and fear Wei Wuxian, which is an important plot point. Nie Huiasang and Mo Xuanyu also carry a major role, since they are the catalysts for the post-reincarnation storyline. So now you may be considering minor characters pre-reincarnation, such as one of the clan leaders or a sibling such as Lan Xichen or Jiang Yanli. These answers, granted, would change the storyline, but they wouldn’t result in much of a better ending, if a good ending at all.

In my opinion, the sole reason mdzs arguably has a very bittersweet ending (one that leaves some readers with a sense of unfulfillment) is: Madame Yu.

The saddest part about the ending of mdzs is arguably the lost friendship between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian. The story begins with them as brothers and ends with Jiang Cheng being the cause for Wei Wuxian’s death during the siege of Yiling (novel pre-reincarnation ending). One of the things that makes mdzs so captivating is trying to discover why this happened (a plot point the drama highlights more than the novel). Before diving into why Madame Yu impacts this story so much, let’s review some important aspects of Jiang Cheng’s and Wei Wuxian’s character.

Jiang Cheng is born with an older sister and is destined to become a clan leader one day. At a young age, a young boy is adopted by his family and they spark a friendship. However, as they grow up, it is noticeable how different the two are. Wei Wuxian is mischievous and seeks danger and adventure, he doesn’t like listening to rules that he finds too strict or unnecessary, and he has a habit of exploiting qualities people are shy about so he can tease them about it later (good-heartedly, of course, but something that is clearly bound to get him in some trouble). Jiang Cheng, however, is more serious and respectful with a habit of joining Wei Wuxian in causing trouble, after all, he is a teenager (and the Lan Clan rules weren’t going to stop a group of teenage boys, lmao, let’s be honest).

They are obviously very close, something that the Donghua seemed to focus on a bit better than the drama. However, it is also noticeable that he gets treated differently from Wei Wuxian when it comes to punishments. There are several points that explicitly suggest that Wei Wuxian tends to receive lesser punishments from Jiang Fengmian compared to Jiang Cheng (something Madame Yu likes to bring up every argument). Jiang Fengmian also seems to praise Wei Wuxian more than his own son, and seems to compare the two more than he should (such as when he reprimands Jiang Cheng for encouraging Wei Wuxian to think selfishly about his survival rather than the lives of others). And so, Jiang Cheng has something plaguing him: inferiority. It is arguable by some people that he has an inferiority complex; after all, despite being the next clan leader, he is not head disciple and pretty much always falls short of Wei Wuxian.

However, I offer another theory: he hates being humiliated. Yes, a quality that pretty much every person on the face of the planet has. Yes, I am saying this is the underlying cause of why everything else happens.

The reason I say this is because Jiang Cheng doesn’t seem to care that Wei Wuxian succeeds, but rather that he himself doesn’t receive the same recognition when he does something similar. When Wei Wuxian along with Lan Wangji defeated the Tortoise of Slaughter, Jiang Cheng isn’t particularly mad that Wei Wuxian killed the tortoise, but rather his words reflect: 1) worry, and 2) anger at himself. He was mad because Wei Wuxian, someone who he clearly sees as a brother figure, put himself in danger because he wanted to save people, and not just in any danger, but a life-or-death situation. Jiang Cheng makes it clear that he spent days without rest or break running to get help so that he could get back to Wei Wuxian as fast as possible, even while injured from the fights with the Wen Clan, who guarded the outside of the cave and attacked everyone who escaped thanks to Wei Wuxian’s efforts (novel scene); he even passed out the second he found people to help. Yet, when they went to save Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, everyone only praised their valiance in defeating the Tortoise of Slaughter, and Jiang Cheng’s actions were overlooked.

So, why did he get so mad at himself about this? BECAUSE OF HIS HEADASS MOM, DUH, I’VE BEEN LEADING YOU TO THIS CONCLUSION!!

Imagine, you are next in line to be clan leader, yet you aren’t head disciple, and now your mother is breathing down the back of your neck because your father is praising someone who is doing better than you. On top of this, you don’t even have the chance to speak to your father about how you feel upset that he treats you differently, because every time the topic of your father being more strict and less praising of you comes up, your mother takes the reigns and doesn’t give you the chance to speak for yourself. Now, all of a sudden, your mother is yelling at your father, saying he doesn’t love his own son and he prefers your adopted brother, and she is also yelling at your adopted brother because he is better than you, and all this is happening IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES ALL. THE. TIME!!

After putting that into perspective, are we really surprised Jiang Cheng turned out the way he did? This entire ordeal must have been HUMILIATING for him, and you KNOW it happened all the time.

Jiang Cheng grew up with this happening, and Jiang Fengmian was only stricter with him because he was going to be a clan leader, and, granted, we can all acknowledge that Jiang Cheng said some shit that his dad was justified in reprimanding him for (such as the whole thing where he told Wei Wuxian he never should have put the lives of others over himself and their clan). Of course, we should also acknowledge that Jiang Fengmian had his faults, and he should have been stricter with Wei Wuxian. As much as we all love this mischievous boi, he was the head disciple of the Jiang Clan and was far too undisciplined and unruly for the position he represented, especially while he was a disciple at Gusu and during the Archery Competition hosted by the Wen Clan (novel scene). And for real, the shit he told Lan Qiren when he asked about why Wei Wuxian was like this, this boy really replied, “It’s just the way he has always been.” That type of response wouldn’t even pass in modern era!

Of course, after all this, Jiang Cheng was going to hold some resentment for Wei Wuxian.

However, the real kicker is Madame Yu’s final words before she sends Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian away… THE WOMAN TAKES A GOOD FEW MINUTES TO JUST STRAIGHT UP YELL AT WEI WUXIAN AND BLAME HIM FOR EVERYTHING!! LIKE WTF!! Look, I’m sorry, MAAM, but the Wens were kind of trying to take over the entire cultivational world, I promise you that Wei Wuxian’s existence affected that all of zero percent. She said that he was the cause for the fall of Lotus Pier, but let’s consider how, oh yeah, LITERALLY EVERY CLAN WITHIN 100+ MILES OR SOMETHING OF THE WEN CLAN WERE INVADED AND FORCED INTO SUBMISSION NOT THAT LONG AFTER; THEY WERE GONNA DO THIS NO MATTER WHAT!! Sure, the Wens may have decided to go after Lotus Pier a bit early because they hated Wei Wuxian, but it’s not as if him not being there was going to stop any of this…? They literally went after GusuLan first, I don’t understand how Wei Wuxian can be faulted for any of this.

But, of course, Jiang Cheng is not here to listen to reason, he just lost both his parents, and years of lowkey (highkey) verbal abuse finally caught up, especially since some of his mother’s last words were blaming Wei Wuxian for everything. This is the start of our downhill slope.

I would like to take a moment and review how Jiang Cheng really received no closure with his father. His father died before Jiang Cheng ever got the chance to speak for himself and just communicate with him, and after all the arguments his mother had with him, it is clear that Jiang Cheng will always carry a part of him that believes his father didn’t truly love him.

But this is something the reader can view as misjudgment. His mother seemed to use Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian as a way to argue with Jiang Fengmian, and in Jiang Cheng’s eyes, this may be viewed as his mother standing up for him; however, looking at this as a whole, the situation isn’t so straight-forward. Quite honestly, it is hard to even tell whether Madame Yu loved Jiang Cheng, or whether she just wanted a reason to argue with Jiang Fengmian. There are points in the story that say Madame Yu ‘forced’ (I use this term loosely, but this is the term the rumors seemed to hover around) Jiang Fengmian into a marriage, and this may be her way of consistently reminding him that “You can’t leave, you have a child to raise.” If anyone has the inferiority complex, I think it can be argued that Madame Yu likely has a slight case of it. BUT! The point is that Jiang Cheng viewed his mother as “the only one on his side,” in a sense, even his own sister fought tooth and nail to be able to see Wei Wuxian even when he was shunned by the cultivational world.

Now, Wei Wuxian doesn’t exactly help his case when he turns down the path of demonic cultivation.

We all know the reason he did it, and many may argue that Jiang Cheng is a fool for thinking for even a moment that BaoShan Sanran could return his golden core, let me remind you of this:

BaoShan Sanran is very mysterious, no one really knows anything about her other than that she has reached “Enlightenment” (a term derived from Buddhism to describe someone who has found the truth of life and no longer is reborn). She is described in the book to be viewed as “immortal” and once a disciple leaves her mountain, they are forbidden from returning. The only people who know anything about BaoShan Sanran are the disciples, and even the ones that have left the mountain don’t spread much information on her. So, in essence, everyone just knows she is powerful and not to mess with her. So, please, excuse Jiang Cheng for having even a shrivel of hope. I am positive that, in his mind, being able to ‘re-grow’ your golden core was just as possible as being able to ‘trade’ you golden core (both of which he believed to be outside the realm of possibility, so yeah, both sounded insane, but he had hope, and no one suggested that ‘trading’ was even an option, so ‘re-growing’ was already mind-boggling).  So, Jiang Cheng is happy because he has his golden core back, but when he goes searching for his brother, the man is gone and no where to be found for three full months, and when he does reappear, he is using demonic cultivation and is more closed-off.

Jiang Cheng has gone through the literal worst whiplash of emotions in his life: his parents and entire sect were all brutally slaughtered; he lost his golden core; he got his golden core back, but his brother was no where to be found; his brother is back, but he is using demonic cultivation and won’t discuss the reason with him.

Now, this is where the past ‘abuse’ catches up with Jiang Cheng. He has now been forced into a leadership position in the middle of a war, and now the war is over, but his brother is still…yeah. But now, the other clans are talking and saying that he should be reprimanding Wei Wuxian, but no matter how he tries, the man doesn’t listen to him. This is, no doubt, HUMILIATING for Jiang Cheng, especially when all the other clans are constantly saying he needs to take action against Wei Wuxian because the man was becoming ‘too arrogant’ and etc. When Wei Wuxian finally stands up for the remaining Wens, Jiang Cheng is so humiliated that he didn’t want to stand up for his brother because he knew he would be shunned the same if he stood by Wei Wuxian’s side, especially since it would be as an ally and not the leader in this movement. This is the ‘herd mentality,’ in which the few vocal people in the room speak up for an argument, creating a big fuss, and even though the majority actually agrees for the other side of the argument, everyone remains quiet against this front, making it seem (and, in term, making them believe) that they are the minority and should just stay quiet. It was obvious that the Lans, Nies, and Jiangs all didn’t agree with how the Wens were being treated, but with how loud the Jin clan and co. were, they didn’t want to say anything, especially when they were all still weak and rebuilding after the war. Then, the clans started encouraging Jiang Cheng to go and act against Wei Wuxian and, fueled by the humiliation of not being able to control his subordinate, that’s exactly what he did.

I would also like to point out that Jiang Cheng only ever listened to the information the other clans were feeding him in regards to Wei Wuxian, he never actually knew what was true like we, the readers, do.

AND NOW, this is why I say Madame Yu has ruined Jiang Cheng. Let’s say that she had died a year prior to the entire war. Jiang Cheng wouldn’t have her final words in his head blaming Wei Wuxian for everything; he likely would have been able to reconnect with his father and speak for himself; he would have grown closer to Wei Wuxian without his mother breathing down his neck and would go a full year without hearing an argument about why he was inferior to Wei Wuxian.

In every story, there is a ‘climax.’ In a long story like this, there can be many ‘climaxes’ especially when it comes to different characters. A climax is defined as ‘the point in the story where one decision can change the course of the rest of the book,’ or ‘the decision that alters the ending,’ as my AP English Literature teacher defines it. For Jiang Cheng, the point in the book that alters his ending is the moment he decides to trust the clans over his brother, something that makes him so clearly different from Jiang Yanli.

Yanli never stops believing in Wei Wuxian, even to her dying breath she cared for him and believed he was good. This is from the perspective of someone who literally only knew what was going on based on hearsay, never seeing Wei Wuxian and speaking with him about this. She just knew nothing was as it was told.

I truly believe that if Madame Yu had fucked off a cliff or something before the war, Jiang Cheng could’ve been just like Yanli and would have sat down and given Wei Wuxian a chance to explain his side of the story. He may have even fought alongside Wei Wuxian, because now he wouldn’t be worried about “glory” like his mother egged him to believe, but rather, he would believe more in his father’s belief that they should stand for “justice” for all people. Wei Wuxian likely would have still died, but maybe seeing the Jiang Clan fight alongside Wei Wuxian could have inspired the Lan Clan or Nie Clan to also stand with them. Imagine THAT ending, an ending in which Wei Wuxian stood alongside his brother to fight for the innocent, allying with the Lan Clan and Nie Clan against the Jin Clan, and then they win and Wei Wuxian wouldn’t have even had to die and he could’ve just gotten married to Lan Wangji right then and there and save us all the angst 200k fanfiction. LMAO, I actually think Jiang Cheng might’ve still kept his mouth shut in front of the clans, but lowkey stood up for him, and then maybe Wei Wuxian would die a different way, not by Jiang Cheng’s hand. Then he would return and everything would go as usual, but this time :((((((( Jiang Cheng is happy to see him :((((((((( and he raised Jin Ling :(((((((( like Lan Wangji raised Lan Sizhui (yeah, I think the Wens would encourage him to train him under GusuLan) :((((((((( and Jin Ling would be happy to see Wei Wuxian :((((((( and so would Lan Sizhui because he would already know he is a Wen and was raised a bit by Wei Wuxian :(((((((((( and happily ever after ;-;

You can argue that this is a reach, but I don’t think it is at all. Mo Xiang Tong Xiu (novel author) created a character that was so terrible, she single-handedly ruined the ending for her own son.

[bat-lings]

Do you think Dick and Damian have a brotherly relationship?

Anonymous asked: “What do you reckon Dick thinks of Damian and what's your view on their relationship?”

The first thing that jumps to my mind when thinking of Dick and Damian is, oh, how far we’ve come.

[Nightwing (1996) #138 || Batman (1940) #687]

Dick didn’t particularly care for Damian before Bruce’s death. He didn’t have to. This was obviously a child with no interest to get to know him (waaaay unlike Tim who was the initially one-sided motor to his own relationship with Dick), a brat, and more importantly not Dick’s responsibility.

As hinted in the last panel above, Dick’s involvement with Damian starts very much as a duty thing. Someone has to take up the Batman mantle after Bruce’s death. Someone has to keep Damian in line and guide him. And there’s no one else to do either, so Dick steps up. He didn’t particularly seek to engage with Damian before he lost the luxury of the choice, much like he lost the luxury to be Nightwing.

It’s a stage of transition for both. Taking on the mantle is an extremely delicate process for Dick. Damian’s identity was built entirely around the fact that he’s Bruce’s son and heir, but his father isn’t here anymore and he’s got no interest in knowing what he thinks is an usurper. But Damian is terribly out of place too. He struggles to adapt to values that contradict everything he was taught, reins himself in against every instinct, and is still told he’s too aggressive, too violent, not enough in a sense. Unworthy of his father’s legacy, and unable to change that with the means he knows.

They’re both at a crossroads. That specific configuration complicated their early days to no end, but it’s also the reason Dick invested so much into their duo. It was hardly a natural thing to do for him– much like becoming Batman.So, how do I do it? Dick thinks, on both front. He has to settle on what he’ll make of Batman, and what he’ll make of this improvised partnership with Damian. Let’s discover it together, he tells him.

[Batman (1940) #688]

And this right here is another defining point of their dynamics: Dick includes Damian in every step of the process.

It doesn’t make everything easy or instinctive. At this point uncertainty defines their relationship. They both have to learn their new personas. There’s a lot of bumps on the way. Dick has to settle on the kind of Batman and mentor he’ll be, and Damian’s still an insecure, uncooperative brat.

[Batman & Robin (2009) #1, #2 & #4] 

Some would find Dick almost uncharacteristically patient during most of his interactions with Damian. Tbh I do think he’s been toned down and I’d have expected him to let his temper get the best of him more often– he snapped at Tim (the first person he really saw as a brother) on several occasions ffs.

Yet the narrative emphasized Dick’s conscious decision to take on that responsibility and to make the best of it. It’s not just that he has to get to know Damian, like he did with Tim. He has an additional work to do as the only mentor available.

Damian thinks respect is something you gain. He yells at Dick to prove himself as a teacher, but in the same vein Damian thinks he must prove himself worthy of being kept around. Dick teaches him that a worthwhile dynamic is based upon respect. That Damian already has his, but not only.

[Batman & Robin (2009) #3]

Maybe some of y’all are starting to know me. That’s where I groan, because Damian’s reaction at someone giving a shit about his life lies on the fact that under Morrison his mother cares for him only as a weapon, Talia’s character-assassination, yadda yadda yadda.

But there’s another point to that scene. This is Dick teaching Damian another type of devotion. Not one you grew out of respect to your superior, but one you grow out of care.

In the first few issues of B&R, Damian outwardly went against orders, used excessive force, and went after Pyg on his own. Dick went after him to ensure his safety. In the following panel, Damian questions orders because he genuinely doesn’t understand why Dick is keeping him apart of the main action. So Dick explains.

[Blackest Night: Batman #3]

Dick respects Damian and trusted him with something Bruce never even considered– Robin. Bruce wanted to provide a home for Damian, he wanted to step up as his father (at least when they first meet, then he kinda messes that up too), and man did he try to be patient with him. But not once did Bruce consider making Damian Robin. We joke a lot about Dick being the favorite but I feel some people forget how much Bruce loves, respects and admires Tim. Had Bruce never died, I don’t think he’d have given Robin to Damian at all before Tim chose to step down himself. And even then... he’d have expected Damian to change drastically before he gave him Robin.

When Bruce is known to return soon, it’s bitter-sweet because Damian fears to lose his partner, but also because he’s understandably unsure of Bruce’s intent to leave him the place Dick did.

[Batman & Robin (2009) #10]

Damian needed a place in his father’s legacy. He needed to be acknowledged as worthy to be part of it. I think Dick got that fairly early on (hence his decision to take Robin away from Tim) but that it went completely over Bruce’s head. Dick gave Damian the fragment of security that made it possible for him to realize his potential, then grow into his own person, something that’s absolutely crucial to Damian’s development.

Damian comes to confide in Dick and accept the provided comfort. A vulnerability he didn’t allow himself before, because this is the kind of weakness that Damian thought would nullify his chances of being accepted as a worthy heir/partner. But Dick worked hard on establishing that Damian already had his place as a bat, that he had nothing to prove, and that he could feel comfortable accepting reassurances.

[Blackest Night: Batman #1]

[B&R #22 || Streets of Gotham #7]

So. Father-son, or brothers? Well, I’m not sure we can categorize it that easily.

For sure, they’re equals & partners.Dick is Damian’s teacher in more ways Damian could ever have imagined. He’s also someone Damian can confide in, exchange easy banter with…

[Batman & Robin (2009) #17 & #20 || Streets of Gotham #7]

And someone he shares a true complicity with.

[Batman & Robin (2009) #17]

The grounds on which that relationship started make me lean more towards a parent-son bond than a brothers one. Because while family relationships are never easy, the parent has a duty to guide the child the best they can. If siblings don’t get along, then they don’t get along and (often) everyone lives their life. In most configurations, siblings don’t quite have the same responsibility towards one another than parents have towards their kid. There’s a reason mentor-student relationships are often associated with parent-child ones although they’re not quite of the same nature.

On more than one occasion Dick plays moderator between Damian and Tim, which feels like a “parent” role. Through his mentoring Damian, Dick definitely gathered facets of a parent– teacher, patient guide, placating presence. Anchor.

It’s when they grow closer that they really start to make me think of siblings. The banter, the specific brand of complicity. After Damian’s progress I get the feeling that Dick can loosen the mentor boots the slightest bit and relax in exchanges that are more natural for him.

The way he always treated Damian as an equal and let him in in the decision-making process, too, edges more towards friends or siblings than a strict mentor-protégé/parent-child dynamic. Dick explains his orders and never expects blind-obedience. I mean, elder siblings are often the Actual Worst at treating their cadets like equals (”nuh-huh I’ve got the power of experience respect me!” god shut up), and Dick himself is not without his authoritative sides with other teams/friends he worked with. But based on his global relationships with Tim and Damian, Dick is, as a sibling, above that.

But Dick is also the one who truly brought Damian into the family. His first teacher in this new environment; his first guardian. And Damian is the first kid Dick was truly responsible to guide into realizing his potential. It’s not like with Tim, when Dick took part in his formation on Bruce’s instructions. Dick was entirely in charge of Damian. It’s a mirror situation of Bruce taking Dick in. They’re each other’s first Batman and Robin.

Dick probably first thought of Damian as a responsibility. Alfred helped him see Damian’s potential & good heart, but once Dick saw it, I don’t think he ever doubted of it. I don’t know if he now sees Damian more as a son or as a younger brother. Probably a bit of both.

It’s a multi-faceted dynamic that I can’t sum up with one word. They’re the guys who reinvented the dynamic duo.

[wezzaner]

Evie’s and Doug’s relationship develops the best, Pt. 3.1: Descendants Timeline

Yes, there’s going to be another part to this. Even if you aren’t an Evie/Doug person, just give this a read. It’s more of a timeline analysis, actually.

This has taken me a lot longer than parts 1 and 2 did for a lot of reasons. The most important one was that I was very conflicted about what to write. And my conflict had absolutely nothing to do with the Evie/Doug relationship at all.

 My conflict was strictly about how the writers did all the characters dirty with the canon timeline. All of them, I am making no exceptions. I am very confident in my interpretation of the Evie/Doug relationship that I actually have two different analysis depending on which timeline I chose to work with, but I am not choosing the canon timeline.

Why I chose not to work with the canon timeline:

Simply put, I am not about to do those characters a disservice.

If a year and a half have actually passed between D2 and D3, then I will lose all the admiration, respect, love and appreciation I have for Evie, Uma, Ben and maybe Mal. And I am not okay with that. And they don’t just screw over those four, it’s almost everyone. “They’re just characters”, yeah, I know that. But I grew up with them. And that’s not okay with me, screwing them up doesn’t sit well with me.

And the canon timeline is messed up anyway, I think.

Here’s the supposed canon timeline of the movies:

Over two years have passed since the VKs were brought from the isle.

The VKs supposedly being brought at the beginning of an academic year, around September.

Six months between D1 and D2 that would mean D2 took place between mid-February and late-May (second semester of an academic year, I am playing loose with the six months not being exact).

For D3 to take place a year and a half later, it would be mid-July to late-August. (Audrey is in the middle of summer school, again I am playing loose with the uttered timing being exact).

The problem is, someone posted about Jay being 17 and Carlos being 14 in the first book, and another pointed out yet somehow in D3 Jay is 18 and Carlos is only a year younger at 17. If someone could clarify that to me, I would be grateful.

The second discrepancy is Audrey’s royal return. Audrey says, “It has been a bit of a tough year.” Then proceeds to recap the entirety of the first two movies. Now, we know that Cotillion takes place six months after the coronation (televised report thing in the beginning of D2), that means Ben’s proclamation was passed SEVEN months before the events of D2 (which takes place over, like, three days). That actually leaves only five months between the events of D2 and D3 (again, playing loose with the ONE YEAR thing).

I am sorry, I just can’t get behind the canon timeline suggesting that:

Evie, heart of gold, compassionate, striving for goodness and equal opportunities Evie, put Dizzy and the other VKs on the back burner for a year and a half. I mean, Dizzy was sent an invitation straight away after cotillion, it probably took a few days. That’s not the Evie that was revealed after a strong character arc in D1 or the one developed in D2. I refuse to take that, I am sorry.

Uma, fiercely determined, a leader in her own rights, a rebel seeking retribution and a fair good life, just swam for a year and half around the barrier and in her time outs, discovered coconuts? What the actual hell? Uma is proactive, she won’t just hangout, staking the premises for a year and a half. She has her magic now, she would have done something, anything. But not make her presence and whereabouts known for 18 months? No, no way.

Mal left her arch enemy roaming. If there’s one thing Uma and Mal have in common, it is that they are both proactive. Mal won’t be sitting still, watching around for Uma. Mal would have scoured the freaking lands, seas and where ever else.

Finally, King Care Bear. Ben is the only AK who has been to the isle aside from guards and Lonnie. He saw, he knew, and he promised. He extended Uma the olive branch, he admitted he got sucked into his duties of being king and that the plan was always to start with four kids and expand the program. And he just abandoned ship for a year and a half? Going with the canon timeline destroys Ben’s… everything.

I am not okay with how this went. Not at all. It’s pissing me off and that’s why I refuse to take the canon timeline and just run with it.

Which is why, I have worked on putting together my own timeline, and I even put together a few points that prove it. This is gonna be all over the place, I hope you can follow.

Let’s establish the timeline, shall we?

Like I said before, I was going nuts trying to fit the timeline to the supposed narrative. I was almost loosing it when I found the clip (well, the poorly disguised recap really) that is Audrey’s royal return.

 It made me pull my hair out, really.

Now, assuming that:

The academic year starts in early September and ends in early June (maybe late May),

Ben brings the VKs at the beginning of the school year (which is a perfect time, actually), then D1 takes place throughout September and early October and D2 occurs around early April. That gives space for Audrey to have a leave off her second semester and all, instead of just dropping out mid semester. (re-check the second discrepancy in the canon timeline for further detailing).

Now assuming that Audrey was accurate when she said, ‘a year ago’, that would place D3 around September, which I highly doubt because D3 takes place in summer. So, let’s assume she wasn’t accurate and that D3 takes place, say, mid- July.

That would make sense regarding:

The Dizzy situation. Maybe three months is how long it took for the arrangements of establishing the VKs integration program and all.  

It would also explain how Uma spent only three months circling the isle because, as I said before, my girl Uma is a proactive, crafty little shit who wouldn’t just passively swim around for a year and a half waiting for shit to happen.

Also, Mal tells Ben they’re getting more guards for the Uma problem (scene right before the proposal), I don’t think they’d wait all this time to get more guards where the King resides, really.

Granted, that wouldn’t explain how much the isle changed and how everyone wants in on the move to Auradon and how all the parents are suddenly nice, good people looking out for their kids. But come on, D3 was a giant, unexplainable plot hole anyway. (I got issues with almost every minute in the movie, but I appreciate it for what it is. But come on, there should have been a screening process for people getting off the isle. Wasn’t that the point of the applications?)

This timeline though means that we’re in deep shit regarding how old everyone is:

Ben turns sixteen in D1 on coronation day and he’s still sixteen ya’ll, it hasn’t been a full year yet.

Jay is graduating, so Jay is eighteen.

I know Carlos and Jane are supposed to be younger, so I assume it is Jane’s sweet sixteen celebrated in D3.

I have no idea what’s up with Evie’s and Mal’s ages, though. But taking into consideration the birthday incident from the book, I suppose they are the same age? They’re either Ben’s age or they are seventeen. I keep going back and forth and that’s the only thing I can come up with.

From the whole sandbox/Shrimpy backstory Gil tells in D2, I can only assume Uma is the same age. No idea about Harry and Gil though, but I am assuming Uma’s age for them, give or take one year at most.

King Care Bear IS too young to be proposing. Ben’s and Mal’s relationship moved way too fast for a couple of sixteen-year olds. At least from my POV, you’re free to think what you want.

The entire franchise is just one major plot hole. That I love so much.

Please, please, please, take the time to let me know If I missed anything. This has been bothering me since I first saw the movie. Maybe I overlooked something or another. Either way, let me know what you think.

Relationships I’d consider canon-confirmed:

Only FOUR romantic relationships became canon in the actual Descendants timeline. Ben and Mal, obviously. Evie and Doug. Chad and Audrey (broken in somewhere between October and April). Carlos and Jane (Got together in April).

I am adding Jay/Gil in D3, we all saw that, right?

Harry/Uma post D3. Because you know it and I know it. And we all talk about how it will happen. Because it will happen.

The only couples who are confirmed true loves are Mal/Ben and Evie/Doug.

Harry/Uma will be confirmed post D3. Evie and/or Audrey will match make. Uma, tired of his flirtatious behavior, will seek Mal’s help to put Harry under a spell so she could save him with a true love’s kiss and assures Mal it will work. But she will get cold feet and Evie will get her sweet, sweet revenge.

He will be saved, of course.

Extra point I’d like to highlight:

Mal states in D1 that there’s no dating on the isle, that it’s mostly gang activity. That statement alone just explains all the relationship dynamics in the franchise involving any VK, but everyone is overlooking it.

It explains (somewhat, but not really) why Mal was hesitant about being in love in D2, thus doubting the concept of love, letting the pressure get to her and running off to the isle.

 That explains Jay’s playboy attitude, as well, if you think about it. Which is close to Evie’s flirtatious personality pre-Doug. That explains Carlos’s hesitance to ask Jane out, he hadn’t done this before and he’s only fifteen.

 That explains why Uma and Harry aren’t “together-together” even though they are together. Like I said above, Uma and Harry should be considered future-canon because “Uma knew, try as she might, she couldn’t hurt his feelings. It was all part of the game of question-and-rejection they’d played forever.” I haven’t read the books but thanks to tumblr, I know this exists.

Like for the core four, the isle wasn’t a safe environment for a relationship. It even explains why she would be reluctant to get with him and it develops Harry’s own flirtatious behavior. Like Jay! And, again, Evie pre-Doug.

You’re welcome, Huma people!

Now that the (well, MY) timeline is out of the way, I can go back to topic. I don’t know about what you think, but this timeline and the whole “gang activity” ordeal adds to Evie’s and Doug’s motive to take things slow.

Next part will all be about Evie’s and Doug’s relationship. I have a lot to say about that one.

[imbruedinfear-a]

@undeadrphub​ asked: ALL OF THEM FOR JAY

🍍  :    how comfortable is my muse in their body? how do they feel about their height,  weight,  strength,  and body type?  how important is being attractive to them? 

this man would kill to be taller in .0002 seconds if he could. he was bullied for his height, bullied for being severely underweight, bullied for feminine hips, for.. literally anything. he hates it all. as an adult, he’s managed to pull himself out of the underweight category, but it’s solely from muscle. he’s still incredibly thin and small, just as he’s always been. you can’t get him to be comfortable without an oversized hoodie to hide in. he vaguely cares about being attractive, but it’s more ‘i don’t want them to be embarrassed to be hanging out with someone as fucking ugly as i am’ than anything else. if he’s not working or going out with people, he won’t even think of trying to improve appearance.

🍅  :    how does my muse feel about plastic  /  cosmetic surgeries   &   procedures?  is it something they have done or would do?  do they mind if others do it? 

dislike. who the fuck cares about their appearance that much? granted, he’s had a nose job, but it was so he could still fucking breathe rather than cosmetics. he won’t dislike you as a person for it, but he’s going to instantly find you unappealing. it just bothers him for some reason.

🍏  :    how stable is my muse’s physical health?  do they go for regular or semi-regular checkups by a physician?  do they have any diagnosed illnesses and / or take any medication?  how often do they get sick?

stability whomst? he has two modes of health: sick once a year or sick every other week. it depends on how much food he’s been eating and whether or not he’s blown food money on beer. fuck doctors. his overall health is fucked. doctors cannot explain why he doesn’t have x problems and how he’s even still alive after all of the beatings he’s had, especially when it comes to the brain damage. he has seizures, sometimes an arm will stop working for a bit, sometimes he can’t hold anything, sometimes he’ll have a burst of amnesia. he’s a medical mystery to the point there are literal scientific articles on his case, and 98% of the time if he lands in the hospital for something they’ll just shrug it off. it’s gotten to the point he’ll break bones and still not go, because he learned how to fix that fucking problem himself when he was like 12.

🍎  :    how stable is my muse’s mental health?  have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they or should they attend therapy? 

:^) he’s gotten away with murder ( though it was self-defense ) through the insanity claim, which is actually really fucking hard to use. that should give you an idea of his scores on mental exams. but again, he has brain damage, and every single psych he’s ever interacted with has mentioned that they can no longer determine what’s an actual mental illness or what’s just his brain being physically unable to function correctly. he’s never been to therapy, but he’s been tested several times. his scores changed every time, for every section. the only thing anyone’s certain on is PTSD. Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, and Schizophrenia have been heavily considered, but even professionals argue with each other. he’s a medical mystery even in mental health. he needs therapy, but his disorders make him extremely avoidant of it. that is not to say everything i listed is true, nor is it to say there isn’t anything unlisted here.

🍑  :    how meticulously does my muse look after their physical appearance?  do they spend a lot of time on their hair,  makeup,  grooming,  and clothing?  is there a particular reason why they do or don’t?  

oof. how anxious is he? if he’s anxious, he’ll fix himself 1000x times. if he’s not doing anything special, he’ll walk out the door without a second thought. he doesn’t spend a lot of time on anything, but he does make sure he’s well groomed and put together. it should be noted, though, he doesn’t look in the mirror. his own apartment doesn’t have one, and he avoids public restrooms like the plague. his own reflection is a fucking trigger. this is probably why his eyeliner is always smudged.

🍒  :    how much does my muse value companionship?  do they constantly keep people around them,  or do they prefer to be alone often?  do they have or desire to have many friends?  do they see every meeting as an opportunity to make a new friend?  

confusing as fuck. he’s lonely as hell and constantly wants to hangout with people, but he also will have periods of avoiding them like the fucking plague. he loves hanging out! he fucking hates being out! who knows! for the most part, he has a lot of friends in a lot of places and will gladly drink with any group of strangers, but he’ll yeet the fuck out if you try actually getting close to him. he’s alone, always, at home and only around people when working or getting fucked up. having other people around too often, like a roommate perhaps, will make his mental health act the fuck up.

🍇  :    how would my muse describe their childhood?  how much has it impacted the person they are now,  or will become as an adult?  around what age did they or will they start to mature,  and why?  do they wish to go back to their days as a child,  or have they embraced adulthood? 

in his words, it was a great big pile of horseshit on fire. he literally has brain damage from it. he can’t leave his own room without convincing himself it’s going to be his living room, not his childhood home, and sometimes he’ll open the bedroom door and see his father standing there, and then he’ll fucking yeet back into bed. obviously it’s impacted him just a smidge. definitely not full of self-hatred and constantly fighting himself to do shit he likes, absolutely most definitely not traumatized in a million forms and continues to trigger himself because how the fuck do you go about your day not panicking half of the time. IN OTHER WORDS, he was a fucking parent to his brother when he was only 4, he would rather die in the most slow, most painful death than return to childhood. is he even still alive bc he doesn’t know

🍐  :    how intelligent is my muse overall?  are they smarter than the average person,  or less than?  are they primarily self-taught,  or did they acquire most of their knowledge in school?  are they more street smart or book smart? 

if you knew him before his skull was caved in, you would call him a freak for how fast he could think and solve problems. he was the type of genius you’d only heard about in stories, and he pissed off his teachers because he never even needed to be taught. show him the super simple problem once and he knew how to do everything for the next three weeks. he grew up on the streets and read shakespeare for fun. he lost it all. it now only shows rarely, on really good days, when the stars want to align.

🍉  :    which of the four seasons suits my muse best,  and why? 

summer. he literally lived outside most of the time since he was a kid, and summer nights were easiest. outdoor concerts, parties late at night, cookouts and campfires. he also loves storms.

🍌  :    is my muse inclined to help others,  or will they only do it when it benefits them,  if at all?  what makes them this way?  has it ever gotten them into trouble,  or inconvenienced them?

which personality is showing most at the time? he’s gotten accused of rape for helping a woman once. let that sink in. but also, he’s helped so many people he’s protected by half the city’s underworld. who knows.

🍊  :    does my muse desire romance?  is it something they would actively seek out,  or prefer to happen more  ‘  naturally?  ’  what is their love life like?  do they have any exes or past flings,  or crushes? 

o k a y listen. these r getting too hard i literally don’t know ok can i asked which disorder or which personality is showing most at the time for this bc IT CHANGES like everything always does. mostly, he’s,, weird. he actively seeks it out in the sense he’ll go on dates regularly, but he’s not actually trying to find a girlfriend. he’s carefree. also traumatized. really wanted romance until his heart was ripped to shreds and now he’s convinced himself he’s not lovable, too complicated, extremely undesirable, and especially undeserving of it. he won’t let it happen. no one should have to suffer by having to deal with him. if you’re including things that were just for fun and both parties knew it wasn’t serious, he’s had a few girlfriends. if we’re only including serious things, then he’s only had (1) serious boyfriend. They were together for nearly two years, and they split solely because Jeremiah a) didn’t want sex as much and b) didn’t want to try any kinks. def no trauma from that, absolutely doesn’t panic abt not being good enough or wanting it enough or being pleasing or being fun or attractive or too scarred. nope. also totally doesn’t do shit he doesn’t even like / triggers him just bc they want it gotta give it to them. perfectly fuckin’ fine after one relationship.

🍓  :    how is my muse typically seen by others?  does it ring true to who they really are?  does their reputation matter to them? 

our options: 1) aggressive 2) smooth n flirty 3) soft n adorable. he is all of the above. if you’re from the city and connected to the drug world at all, there’s a big ass chance you’re aware he was a major dealer at one point, the son of a psycho serial killer, and connected to damn near every gang in some way. there are few people who would be stupid enough to hurt him, just because there’s probably some member somewhere who’s going to get revenge for it. his rep is pretty positive if ur aware he basically turned the outskirts of the city from a shithole to a really good community. otherwise, u probably just think ‘criminally insane deliquent’. he doesnt rly care about it unless u start asking about his fucking dad.

🥝  :    does my muse have any  ‘  unusual  ’  habits, interests,  and  /  or talents?  do they hide it,  or are they proud of it? 

b r u h i dont fuckin know im skipping this one, he’s just obsessive compulsive about the oddest things

🍋  :    what kind of diet does my muse have?  do they eat regularly,  or the standard 2-3 meals a day?  do they have to be reminded to eat,  or are they likely to remind others?  do they cook,  or have others cook for them?  do they eat healthily,  or not so much?  

no diet. no food. eat if money, starve if none. remember to eat who?? o u mean eat everything. who fucking knows. he can cook really well, sometimes, maybe. pizza and taco bell 4 life. fuck vegetables. fruits are delicious and to be treasured. he mostly eats like shit, if he eats at all.

🥭  :    how important to my muse is their hometown,  or where they’re from?  are they proud of it,  or considered a hometown hero? did they move away,  or do they wish to?

none. no fucks given. still here bc no money to move. would happily fuck off to Paris or something.

[absolutiions]

´   ･   .   ✶   ⧼    madchen   amick,   non   binary,   she   &   they   /   fucked   my   way   to   the   top   by   lana   del   rey   +   eyes   the   color   crimson   and   hands   stained   in   crimson,   too.   victim   of   the   underworld,   you   are   not.   you   came,   not   to   sit   silent   at   his   side   as   dutiful   wives   do,   but   to   whisper   in   his   ear.   pouted   lips   smeared   ruby   stoke   the   flames   of   his   darkest   impulses   and   his   deepest   desires.   you   are   the   conqueror.   you   are   the   queen.   and   may   god   have   mercy   upon   anyone   who   underestimates   this   :   because   you   will   not.    ⧽   ━━   don’t   look   now,   but   that’s   ATHENODORA.   the   TWO   THOUSAND,   FIVE   HUNDRED   &   TWENTY   TWO  (   varying   physical   )   year   old   GIFTED   VAMPIRE   has   been   here   in   seattle   for   three   minutes,   and   is   considered   a   member   of   the   VOLTURI.   they’ve   always   been   MACHIAVELLIAN   &   INDOMITABLE,   but   i   guess   this   town   just   brings   out   the   worst   in people   ;   apparently,   they’ve   been   way   more  INSOUCIANT   &   SUPERCILIOUS   than   usual.   it   wouldn’t   surprise   me   if   they   knew   what   was   going   on.   click   HERE   to   check   out   her   stats.

they   told   you   that   you   were   a   nobody,      so   you   became   the   QUEEN.   (   now   everybody   knows   your   name   )

SECTION ONE OF THREE : background / human era. trigger warnings for talk of pregnancy, death, abuse

born circa 502 bc, in a little village that has no lasting name nor impact in ancient greece. 

five of the children born to her parents survived to adulthood, and since she was the last one... it is almost like, her whole life, she has been suffering from younger child syndrome. who knew !

she very literally grew up in a diff time, so when i say she wasn’t rly close to any of her siblings, i don’t mean it in a like... horrible way. it’s not a reflection of character. they just didn’t have a tight sibling bond, though she loved them greatly. 

same w her parents. they were unexceptional people who lived unexceptional lives, and though she was grateful for, u know... their creation of her - they were not close. they did not, in laymans terms, have the lorelai and rory gilmore dynamic. 

her whole family were content to live their dismal lives, and... tho athenodora did not vibe, she, again - grew up in a diff time. of course she dreamt of more. of course she prayed to the gods for something better. but she was achingly aware of the fact that no such future would ever exist for her. such is life in 400 whatever bc, bumfuck, greece.

she was just barely eighteen when she was married to athanasios, to secure land, or smth, because those were the times. of course it was something like that. 

he was... fine, at first. a little small minded ( that wasn’t the ONLY thing that was small, haha ). he, like everyone, was content to live the same old life, and athenodora just... wasn’t. she had been raised on stories of grandeur, and her parents had thought she would settle for the regular - it should not have been a surprise that she didn’t want to, but gods, did she try.

she never loved him, she can safely say ; but she wished that she did. for a long while, athenodora thought it would be easier, and thought that she could do a lot worse. unfortunately... she cld not.

their lives were meant to follow a certain pattern. they had gotten married, and now he would work all day, make them money, tend their land. she would stay home. cook. clean. raise the children that they were sure to have. athenodora was capable of almost everything expected of her, except for the most important part - she couldn’t seem to give him children. not strong sons. not beautiful daughters. 

at first, he told her that it was fine. 

after a year or so, he still told her that it was fine, but she could see in his eyes that it wasn’t.

two years after this, he called her the ancient greek version of defective for the very first time - and things only got worse from there.

he had always been a perfectly fine husband, until he was not, and athenodora had always wanted to love him, until she did not. she prayed to the gods every morning and night, to give her what her husband so desired. to give her that which would make her life better, even if she knew it would not heal the wounds already caused.

sometimes the gods r not dicks. a miracle! she becomes pregnant, aged twenty four ( i kno it sounded like she was a crone but again please remember the times ). she always thought it was just what was best n only athanasios would care, but , wow... suddenly. she cares. she has never felt this level of love with anything, until now.

but, tragedy :// straight white men ( idk, i just feel like her husband was the root of all evil ) are not so easily satisfied. who wld have guessed he wld continue to be an abusive asshole even after his wife succeeded in getting pregnant? i bet i shocked u all. who wld have guessed that a huge part of his problem wld end up being that suddenly, athenodora clearly cares abt something - and it isn’t him. again. got you all!

over the course of her pregnancy, he becomes, for the first time, a real threat to her - or maybe, athenodora simply never took him seriously until there is another person to think of. either way, she TRULY fears him and what he’s capable of by the time she gives birth, and after he makes some passing remark abt their baby, she yeets the FUCK out of there in the middle of the night, eirene ( baby ) only a handful of days old. she takes what she can carry and nothing more, and she... makes it pretty far, thanks to the kindness of strangers. you love to see it.

she settles somewhere ( she considers to be ) far away, and she makes up a good story : her husband died in a war ( there were probably a lot of time, i dont know ) and she was widowed, left to care for their young daughter alone. i know. its really original. they didnt have tv shows back then to rip stories from though.

stays in a hovel on the edge of their village. think the shittiest home you’ve ever seen and then make it shittier. there are rumors about her being a witch, and she kind of appreciates them, because it keeps kids out of her yard. and shock of all shock : in spite of being... u know. a woman. and not very skilled. she finds a very hot ticket job - working for the very wealthy volturi family who live on the other ( opposite ) outside of town, but like, in a considerably better home, obviously. 

honestly, i don’t kno what the ancient greek equivalent of that secretary in new moon is, but that’s the vibe we’re going for, here. she’s like, a chambermaid or smth. and she makes a tidy little sum. doesn’t question her weirdo bosses that much. doesn’t know what anemia is because im p sure it wasnt discovered by then, but presumes they have it.

and maybe, just maybe, it’s the finesse of the century : or maybe, just maybe, it is destiny. in no time at all, she has caught the eye of the volturi’s most eligible bachelor(tm) : caius volturi. many another worker is made upset by this fact, as athenodora is very quickly alotted VERY special treatment as the apple of his eye, which includes, i don’t know... hand delivered baskets of pomegranates, a nicer home and in due time, the simple pleasures of the flesh.

so that’s pretty neat. and life’s pretty fine. she feels like an ancient greek sugar baby, and honestly, isn’t that all she’s ever deserved? she’s got some nice digs ( i don’t think she’d have called them that ) and a man who worships the ground she walks on and who spoils her with pretty things, and most importantly : she is taking care of her daughter, who i absolutely didn’t forget about. eirene is the literal light of athenodora’s life, and everybody knows it. if i say jean valjean and cosette vibes, can we all pretend we get it?

and then it goes to shit. as things do.

her daughter is fourteen years old, when her father finds them ; and she doesn’t know, she never knows, if he was seeking them out or whether it was all DUMB luck. regardless of it all, he is stood inside her home, his breath coming in angry half pants, and athenodora is convinced that this is it. that her end has come. that her freedom is over. she dies, she thinks, or she returns back to the house that was not her home with him. these are her options. 

she tells her daughter to leave. she stops him from following. when she is shoved and her head hits the table, she is aware of the option he has chosen for them more than all else - but the gods, or perhaps, just one - intervenes.

until this night, athenodora had never known the truth of the volturi. but when her beloved saves her from athanasios, she sees him for what he is. she UNDERSTANDS. and she isn’t frightened. she should be, for sure, she should be running as fast as she can - but all she can think in that moment is that she is free now in all the ways she has never been... and caius, her love, is something so much larger than this life. 

for the first time, the godhood that athenodora has always dreamt of is within her grasp. she makes him promise that once eirene comes of age, he will make her into the same creature that he IS. she makes him swear a solemn oath, and he who has been so infatuated by her for so long cannot argue.

four years. this is all it takes, and then eirene is eighteen - capable of standing upon her own two feet. athenodora leaves her everything - all the gifts she has ever been given, all the wealth accumulated, the home. everything she will not need, once she is gone. and she says a final goodbye.

caius turns her himself. the greatest gift he could ever give her.

and reborn, athenodora is MORE than everyone in her life could ever dream of being. she is the queen of the underworld, the goddess of death. she is all of this, and more. at his side, she finds GREATNESS. and once she had it, athenodora decided she would never again be without. 

SECTION TWO OF THREE : volturi era.

became cool. became powerful. very emma frost of her, rly 

didnt rly care for the rest of the coven outside of caius but sometimes u gotta hang w scrubs 

didyme dies sometime after her turning, and that kind of fucks everybody up

not so much her bc like i said she didnt rly care but... caius b frightened of losing her, i guess

kind of throws a spanner in the works 

she spends a lot of time ‘locked away’. not , like, literally ( bc that’s gross! ) but... caius takes over protective to the extreme

uses this time to harness her power and fuck

not always in that order

also spends a lot of time telling him he deserves to b leader

deserves to b the new aro

who needs powers?

not u, caius

go kick their ass baby i got ur flower-

( he doesn’t go kick their ass but man she wishes he wld )

she’s genuinely devoted to him, however, as much as it sometimes seems as if she’s using him as a means to an end

she DOES do that with a LOT of people, but caius... that’s her baby! her darling! her sweetie pie! fuck everybody else in this house caius, she respects YOU ! 

she jus wants to see him be the best there ever was, and he’s.... p... happy to giv her everything she wants, so their dynamic is actually p equal 

we love to see it

anyway lots of years happened and now she’s here

seattle sucks -athenodora’s official review

but she’s fucking SICK of aro’s shit and thinks her 2020 birthday wld be the best time for an official change of pace

obviously aro can read minds so he knows athenodora has high aspirations but he has learned his fucking lesson w killing ppls mates, i guess

lucky for her!

that’s all i got

hehe

SECTION THREE OF THREE : power.

athenodora is an ungifted vampire in twilight canon, but to that i say : fuck ya chicken strips. in equinox, she be special. her power is life force manipulation, in a pretty unique ( and dare i say ) way.

she was a forty two year old woman, when she was turned. she had lived a life, and she had the MARKS to show for it. but the very first time that she drank human blood from the vein, athenodora realized that she was not as unexceptional as she had always been lead to believe she was. vampires do not change. they’re frozen in time, like statues, portraits, photographs... and yet, before caius’ very eyes - athenodora did what no other vampire could. mere seconds passed, and suddenly ; she was stood before her beloved, decades younger. it lasted as long as her thirst was sated, with her age returning to her as her eyes darkened once more. and it happened all over again, when next she fed. 

over time, she’s come to understand it well enough. she has a particular love of younger humans ; those in their twenties, and thus, physical primes. she thinks that is, in part, down to her gift ; she seeks these out to drink from because when she feeds, she’s not simply drinking their blood, but also, their life force. she’s taking theirs to add to her own.

like many gifted vampires, she has spent time learning what she can of her gift, and learning whether there is some other way to apply it. it took almost two thousand years, but eventually - athenodora discovered that with a touch, her fingertips to their skin ( and a great deal of focus ), she could render another changed, also. it lasts for only a short amount of time - an hour, maybe a little longer, depending on how strong she is. but it works. and it makes her think that, in all her unlimited time : she might just be able to do even more. be a danger. manipulate life force in a way that can DESTROY. she’ll keep on working on that for as long as she lives. 

[frenchy-and-the-sea]

🌙 for any/all 👀👀👀

If your OC could have one wish come true what would it be and why? Would there be consequences to this wish or would they regret it once they get what they want? What would they give in return for this wish to come true?

Oof. Hang on y’all, this is about to get long.

- A whole ass wish, with no strings attached? Alex doesn’t trust like that. (Obviously it depends entirely on where in her story this is offered, and she could probably come up with a hundred other more practical uses for a wish, but.... she wants her father to know, implicitly and inherently, about her successes. She wants him fully aware that, despite his indifference towards her, she succeeded anyway, and that she figured it out anyway, and that she failed and learned and grew anyway, without him. And she doesn’t want it explained to him or told to him: she wants him to Know, as intimately as possible, how well she’s made it on her own.)(She would also regret this, because she hates the idea that she needs any sort of response or validation from him at all.)(And nothing that she’s earned - on her own - is worth giving up for him to know any of that.)

- Tahir is....simpler, I think. I think he’d wish for being able to spend more time with his family. Like, he definitely wants a family of his own, right? But he isn’t going to wish for that. That would be weird and unethical and WEIRD, okay. But to be able to go back in time and get to be there for his parents and his sisters and, God, his brother when they were growing up? That would mean everything in the world to him. I think the biggest consequence, though, is that he’d find out that getting all of that time back doesn’t help the fact that he still feels isolated from his family sometimes. The weirdness of his bloodline and all of the issues that came from it are still there, and while his time at sea never HELPED the matter, it wasn’t the cause either.

- Davin wants his arm back. Like, there’s just no ifs, ands or buts about it. He certainly grows from its loss and he certainly gains a hell of a lot of respect and status on board the ship, but... I think he’d be willing to put all of that on the line to feel more secure in himself again. Even after years without it. Even after he gets back a vast majority of his confidence. Even still. 

- See above. Finn already thinks he’s got everything he needs going for him. Coping to a wish is giving up. Except, you know, if Dav wants to get his arm back. In which case, that’s just smart, wtf. (But if Davin already gets his own wish, Finn would like to be fabulously wealthy, please.)

- For all that I think many of my other kids would want to like...right some wrong or fix some regret they have, I think Adelina stands out as one of the few who would want something to help them go forward. I think Adelina would like to be able to travel, freely and without the physical danger associated with the actual travel. I don’t think she’d want to give up the JOURNEY, mind - just the increasing odds that it could hurt her. And she’d want to be able to take people along with her, under that protection. It’s one of those seemingly superficial wishes that I think would actually be the most helpful.

- If he were cognizant of it, I think Jon would wish to be able to spread the things that he learns far and wide, without fear of retribution or consequences, just to enhance the collective knowledge of mankind. I specify his cognizance only because, if he were aware of the power of a limitless wish, he would go big to match it, and scorn anything that might benefit him specifically. If he WASN’T, though? Jon desperately wants to fall in love and live with someone who understands him, who shares his enthusiasm and love of learning, and he wants to be able to partake in the lifelong journey of deepening and sharing that WITH someone. Obviously, wishing for a partner does have that weird ethics question pop up again, but idk if Jon would be as put out by it as Tahir, lmao.

- Myrine got Tahir, like what more do you wish for? I’M KIDDING, I think Myrine would honestly just wish for her society to continue thriving on the outskirts of the modern age, without interference from outsiders, without anyone feeling so failed by it that they seek answers elsewhere. She just wants her community to be happy and safe and fulfilling to everyone in it, as is always her number one goal. (She takes people leaving their little space very personally, like she personally has failed in some way to make it good enough for them. So if she made this wish, and someone still wasn’t fully happy? That could crush her.)

AND I’M ALSO DOING MY D&D KIDS, CAUSE YOU SAID ANY AND ALL.

- Val wants all of her friends to be safe and protected, by her hand or otherwise, forever and always blah blah blah BUT FAILING THAT? IF SHE GETS TO BE SELFISH? She really, really wants to have her parents back, even temporarily. These last few arcs, with the rest of the party reconnecting with family who genuinely care for them and want whats best for them, have made her acutely aware of the fact that she.... can’t. Enough time has passed that she doesn’t feel the need to draw attention to it, but I think she still desperately misses them. (The bad news is that, if it was temporary? She’d get so, so hurt by seeing them again and having it taken away.)

- If you’d asked this question before the last few sessions, I would have said that Fizz would’ve wished for some kind of sign that her god Olidammara gave even the tiniest of shits about what she was doing for him. But! He did! And he does! So now, she wants to kick Casimir’s patron to the curb in the funniest and most obvious way possible, so that he’s free of its pact and of any chance that it could possibly plague him again! Because seriously, fuck that guy! (This, in her mind, is all Cas needs to go on to be the best bard ever, which is the actual ultimate goal.)

AND I got asked Zeph already so I’ll do her later. ;) THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THIS, HOLY SHIT.

[ayz0]

holy crap these are soooo much better than my old 2015 designs

Currently imagining a Warrior Cats arc 1 role swap AU where Greypaw ("Fluffy") is the kittypet and Firepaw is the Clan-born cat.

Other changes in the AU:

Firepaw's family are Clanborn too

Princess ("Leafpaw") leaves the Clan before their Warrior ceremony, and becomes a kittypet, then having Cloudkit, so that arc continues as it is in canon --Jake met Nutmeg/"Seedpelt" (Fire's mom) within the Clans

Willow is a rogue, having Darkstripe first with Tawnyspots. She gave Darkkit to his father, as she was certain a Clan wouldn't take her in. Tawnyspots brought the kit into ThunderClan with a story of 'finding a lost kit'. Willow then became a kittypet when pregnant with Greykit 

(btw, I saw that Greystripe's father is now just "unknown" on the official family trees, so I feel that him having an unknown kittypet father works out, here. It used to be Patchpelt, but since he's been removed now, it works if Willow isn't related to Patchpelt whatsoever either. It’s not like Willowpelt or Patchpelt ever played a huge role in books where they were growing up - Spottedleaf and Redtail were the focused-on siblings out of the four. I think in the books Willow and Patch are never even mentioned as being siblings? Thus, Willow gets to not be a part of the family anymore lol since it doesn’t change anything important there)

Into The Wild events

"Fluffy" grew up with Willow's stories of his older half-brother, whom he thought very brave and lucky, and heroic, for living in the wild. So, he sought to do the same in Into The  Wild, and met Firepaw. Willow ended up coming with him, not wanting to lose another son this time. 

Willow and Fluffy enter ThunderClan together, and Willow feels that a certain dark, striped cat looks very familiar... Tawnyspots had died at this point, and had told Darkstripe of his origins before he'd passed. Darkstripe, resentful at his heritage, is the one to fight Fluffy.

During the fight, Willow realizes that Darkstripe is indeed her son. Fluffy beats Darkstripe similarly to how Rusty beats Longtail in canon (it isn't Longtail in this scenario as I feel he is more Firepaw's rival), he becomes Greypaw 

Wanting to stay with her sons, Willow pleads to become a part of the Clan as well, and is hesitantly accepted. She becomes Willowpelt, and similarly to how Firepaw was mentored by Bluestar, Tigerclaw, & Lionheart, Willowpelt is taught by Darkstripe (begrudgingly) & Whitestorm

At this current time, Lionheart is Firepaw's mentor, and thus while Willowpelt is educated by following along with Darkstripe & Dustpaw, and Whitestorm & Sandpaw, Greypaw is educated alongside Lionheart & Firepaw and Tigerclaw & Ravenpaw. similar to canon here.

 During this time, Willowpelt manages to mend her relationship with her son Darkstripe slightly, but he still resents her past and her actions. Willowpelt also grows close to Whitestorm at this point, and he later becomes her mate to sire Sorrelkit, Rainkit, Sootkit - as in canon.

After a time of temporary mentorship, Greypaw is then eventually officially apprenticed to Bluestar, as Firepaw was in canon. Greypaw is probably going to one day be Greystar in this AU, if he's truly role-swapping with Firepaw. Lol

Fire and Ice & Forest of Secrets events

Still debating whether the Silverstream romance happens with Greystripe, or not. I think it still would. But then he’d truly go and pull a Bluestar and give up his kits to RiverClan to become deputy, and only Fireheart knows of all this. Silverstream remains alive during the birth, as she stays in the RiverClan camp instead of seeking out Greystripe like in the books - thus she was able to get medical attention as soon as her labour began.

Greystripe does not join RiverClan here, as the Wiki states “To avoid a battle, Graystripe brings Stormkit and Featherkit to RiverClan and decides to stay with them since they are the only living connections he has to Silverstream.“ Since Silverstream is still alive, they simply continue their secret meetings, and although he wishes to be with his family, he does not gain the desire to join RiverClan.

However, she did still suffer heavy blood loss and anemia, and was not able to fully recover and only got worse over time - especially considering that she still sneaks off with her kits to go see Greystripe in secret, instead of resting - so she does still die later on, before the kits are apprenticed.

Before she passes, Silverstream wishes for the kits to join their father in ThunderClan, as they’ll have no remaining kin in RiverClan after her passing. As her final action, she attempts to sneak out one last time to take them to Greystripe, but is far too weak due to anemia complications. Her best friend Mistyfoot finds her outside of the camp, as she was keeping a closer eye on her weakening friend. Silverstream tells Mistyfoot of who Featherkit & Stormkit’s father is, and is determined for her final action to be passing them on to their father. Mistyfoot believes the kits belong with RiverClan, but wants to honour her dying friend’s wish, and helps to get them all to the border.

Greystripe had been at Sunningrocks at the time, worried about the decreasing condition of his mate, plus he hadn’t been seeing her as often, and commonly waited near the area in case she arrived. The scene of her death is in the same place ad plays out similarly to Silverstream’s death in canon, with the exceptions that their kits and Mistyfoot are present, and it’s not a birth scene lol. Greystripe still panics and Fireheart fetches Cinderpaw (who is still med-apprentice, as Fireheart was still the one to suspect Tigerclaw, and Tigerclaw still tried to trap and kill him, causing Cinderpaw’s accident), with Tigerclaw in tow. Silverstream is too far-gone, however, and passes away with her kits and mate next to her.

Thus, Stormkit & Featherkit join ThunderClan, and Silverstream still passes away and is buried at the same area that she does in-canon. (and Cinderpaw is still traumatized the same way because she couldn’t help the dying cat)

Mistyfoot accompanies the group back to ThunderClan to ensure the kit’s safety on the way. Greystripe is devastated by the loss, and doesn’t keep it a secret anymore that he is a dad, and he dotes on his kits just, SO much, same as in canon haha. Anyway, ThunderClan finds out, obviously, about Grey’s half-clan babs, and Bluestar is initially furious (because oops, somebody made the same mistake she did! and omg, it was her own apprentice!!!) but Mistyfoot defends Silverstream’s family and tells Bluestar off for being so harsh while they’re grieving a loss. She says that TC should be grateful that ThunderClan is gaining two amazing cats, and they’re only here because of her best friend’s dying wish, and that she’d whisk them back to RC if they weren’t appreciated here. Bluestar then softens up at her (secret!!!) daughter’s words.

After Mistyfoot leaves and returns to RC, Bluestar enters the nursery where Greystripe and Fireheart are with the kits. (oh dude that sounds like Fire’s their second dad? i’m gonna do it. make em dads make em GAY parents and fire totally adopts storm & feather and grey has his bf to help him thru this extremely tough time UNLIKE IN CANON WHERE HE WAS ALL ALONE TO GRIEVE WTF ERINS) Anyway, Bluestar still explains the same as in canon how she’s mistyfoot and stonefur’s mother, etc, except in this version Fireheart isn’t the only one she tells, Greystripe now knows as well.

Fireheart & Greystripe are stretching their legs and taking a break from the nursery, with Fireheart’s apprentice Cloudpaw in-tow. The shit with Tigerclaw still goes down, but this time it’s Greystripe who saves Bluestar’s life (Fireheart heads straight for the nursery and guards Featherkit & Stormkit in this AU, so it’s Greystripe who sees Tigerclaw heading into Bluestar’s den) and she makes him deputy for multiple reasons - she sees her missed chances in him and wants him to have the full, happy life that she didn’t get the chance to. and she trusts him as much as she does Fireheart in this AU since Grey didn’t turn traitor in this one (and i mean he was her apprentice too so they’re pretty close!)

Rising Storm, A Dangerous Path events

Pretty standard role-swap AU from here as far as Greystripe and Fireheart are concerned, other than the fact that Fire is still Cloud’s mentor, that didn’t swap at all lol.

Fireheart isn’t stretched as thin as Greystripe is the deputy, leaving him more time for Cloudpaw’s training. Cloudpaw doesn’t behave as difficult as he does in canon about doing kittypet things. He’s still a lil shit though

Greystripe is healing quite nicely from Silverstream’s passing, as he is in his own familiar clan, has his children and his best friend BOYFRIEND with him, and has his deputy duties to thoroughly distract him and keep him on his feet. Bluestar is still degrading mentally, the same as in-canon, so he worries about her as well

Fireheart is still the one to find out about Tigerclaw and the dog pack, and their attack, and he is still the one to try and rescue Bluestar and be with her at her death along with Stonefur and Mistyfoot. Greystripe is with his kits at the time of evacuation, leading the Clan to safety as well

(This is such a cool contrast btw!!! omg cause the wiki says “After his leader's death, Fireheart looks at Graystripe. The dark gray tom dips his head in the deepest respect, and Fireheart is horrified because he realizes he is now the leader of ThunderClan, and has lost the easy friendship he shared with Graystripe.” and GOD my AU is like, holy shit, the exact opposite with their relationship. they are closer than ever! this is cool as hell)

The Darkest Hour events

Greystripe becomes Greystar. Mysteriously, he is not granted a 9th life, as the cat destined to give him that life is not present. He has no time to be confused, however, as the ceremony is still interrupted by a prophecy, as it is in-canon.

Whitestorm is still the one appointed deputy

Greystar is extremely conflicted and disappointed in his kin when he is forced to exile Darkstripe. Happens similar to canon, but it’s Greystar instead of Firestar of course

Not entirely sure yet what brings the gang over to RiverClan to save Misty & Stone from being executed. Also not sure if Stone is still going to be killed like in canon, or if I’ll let him live in this version.... I’ll figure it out tho

After Whitestorm dies, Fireheart is obviously appointed as Greystar’s deputy

Firestarheart’s Quest events

When Willowpelt dies in the beginning of the book, Greystar is obviously devastated, and has even more reason to stay with his remaining family during this time - hence, I did not swap his role with Fireheart’s role for this book’s journey.

Fireheart & Sandstorm still journey together to restore SkyClan

They become very good friends on the quest and do indeed still become mates and have Leafkit & Squirrelkit (Greystar sees them as much as family as he could! Cats are basically one big family community after all. Besides, with Fire and Grey’s relaxed and extremely close relationship, I don’t think that Grey would feel threatened or jealous over Sandstorm at all! So Fireheart can totally be Greystar’s bf as well as Sandstorm’s husband at the same time :D)

[mandeebobandee]

I said I’d write a post with my experience with mental illness and here it is. I put it off for a while because I wasn’t sure how personal I wanted to get, or if anyone would be interested, but hey. It’s been bouncing around in my head for a long time, and if this helps me or anyone who might come across it, I suppose it’s worth it. I’m going to put a read more here so that this doesn’t kill people’s dashes, since I have a feeling this is going to end up being long and rambly, but...here we go.

I’m not actually sure when my first symptoms showed up. It’s possible that I had some form of mental illness almost as far back as I can remember? I remember being in preschool and having a fear of wetting my pants for an entire day, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t seem to get the thought out of my mind. In first grade, I remember being seized by a fear that I would start swearing at the top of my lungs in the middle of class. I didn’t, but it popped into my head, and that felt bad enough. A couple of times in 2nd/3rd grade, I had difficulty falling asleep because I couldn’t stop worrying about trying to get to sleep, and I would keep repeatedly counting out how many hours of sleep I would get if I fell asleep right then, and if it would be ‘enough sleep’.

So yeah. I always was a worrywart, it seems like.

I feel like I should note that I went to Catholic school from kindergarten through 2nd grade. I should also note that I’m fairly certain my experiences with religion shaped some of my first experiences with mental illness. This is not to say anything against anyone who is religious - I respect you and your faith. However, certain things I learned through religion...didn’t exactly help me, with how my mind worked.

In Catholic school, confession is a thing. You go in front of a priest and tell him your sins, and he gives you a way to seek penance for it. Usually repeating a certain prayer a certain number of times, or something along those lines. I dunno, it’s been a LONG time since I’ve actually done it. I’m agnostic now, so I don’t exactly go to church.

The reason I bring this up? 

My experiences when I was younger MAY have qualified as mental illness. I’m not 100% certain. What began near the end of 3rd grade? There is NO doubt about that.

It was Good Friday 1998. I was 8, soon to be 9. The reason I brought up my religious background is this - a religion related discussion precipitated my heardfirst dive into obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m pretty sure the comment was relatively harmless in hindsight, my mom making a comment about how Jesus died for our sins or something like that. All I know is that I suddenly found myself besieged by an overwhelming guilt as I thought about everything ‘bad’ I’d done in my life. Saying bad words, sneaking candy when I was 4 years old, all of it kept jumping to the forefront of my mind, and I felt like I had to confess it all to my parents as it came to my mind. I’m not sure how long this lasted...probably only a couple of weeks, honestly, but it wasn’t fun.

Also, the weirdest things became concerns of mine at that point. I had to make certain not to stick my middle finger out too far, or else I was afraid that I’d accidentally flip someone off, which I knew was bad. I didn’t want to say words like ‘wash it’ because...well, the end of the word wash combined with the word it sounded like ‘shit’ and ‘oh no bad word!’.

...I hate to say it, but this was only the beginning.

My mom and I were praying at one point at night when a really bad thought popped into my head. I was terrified, because what if it came true because I thought it while I was praying? And I didn’t really want to talk about it with anyone, because it was so horrible that I didn’t want anyone to know about it.

This continued for much of fourth grade. I was afraid I would hurt my mother. I didn’t actually want to, of course - I recognize now that these were what are known as intrusive thoughts, but there aren’t many nine year olds who know that now, let alone in the late 90s when I was experiencing all of this.

I recall being afraid to even touch knives, if that tells you anything.

I would also pray. By this point I recognized that what I was doing was ‘weird’, so I found ways to hide what I was doing. I would go into a room by myself and go through my routine, or I would do my daily ‘prayer’ in the shower.

...here’s why this was an issue.

I wasn’t just saying a quick prayer. I had an entire script memorized, that had to be said exactly the right way or I’d have to repeat it all over again. And it wasn’t a quick script either. And I often WOULD have to repeat it all over again. I recall at least one point where my parents actually made a comment about how long I spent in the shower, and the water grew cold with how long I spent in there. I didn’t tell them why, because I knew it was weird

That particular phase reached a boiling point one night when I was watching The Lion King. Here, I feel I should note that The Lion King was my favorite movie when I was younger. It came out when I was 5 years old, and I was Simba for Halloween in kindergarten. I had Simba and Nala stuffed animals, a Simba windbreaker with matching pants (yes, windbreaker..it was the 90s, okay?) that I took my school picture in, a Lion King casette tape, Lion King sheets on my bed...

You get the picture.

I bawled my eyes out during that movie, and while yes, I did often cry at certain scenes in that movie, for obvious reasons...this was different. This was almost hysterical crying, and my parents knew there was something wrong. They managed to finally coax me to admit my fears, and that seeing Simba accused of what happened to Mufasa in that movie was...well, it was a little too close for comfort.

Talking to my parents helped. I still had worries, of course, but my next big flare up didn’t happen until 5th grade.

Once again, the thing that set it off should have been something that didn’t affect me. It wouldn’t affect most people. 

A girl in my gym class cut her knee on one of those rolly scooters that you’d sit on and roll around on in gym class. Obviously not the greatest thing, but you wouldn’t think it would be something that would set someone off...would you?

Ahahaha. Yeaaaaaaaaah right.

To preface, some of this was due to ignorance on my part. I was 10, I didn’t know the details as to how the disease I was so afraid of was transmitted. I only knew that you could get it from blood, and there was blood on the floor in gym class. So then I started worrying that I might have gotten it on my shoes. Then, that anything my shoes touched could have gotten something on them. Then my clothes. Then...

You, uh, get the picture.

I was afraid that anything I touched would give me AIDS. X_X Again, I KNOW now that it doesn’t work that way. I also know that even with other diseases, those pathogens eventually DIE outside of the body, so you don’t have to worry about your shoes being contaminated with the same virus two weeks later. But, again, I was 10. I actually learned shortly after this the truth of how AIDS is spread.

Anyway, this was one of the points where my OCD was most stereotypical. I washed my hands constantly. Obviously my parents noticed, and they tried to poke and prod into WHY I was doing this. Once again, my shame and fear and recognizing that what I was doing was ‘weird’ led me to hide the truth to some extent. We’d watched Johnny Tremaine in class and my dad mentioned that after he watched that movie he’d been afraid that his hand would get disfigured like one of the characters’ in the movie’s hands did. So I claimed that I feared something similar, and that was why I was washing my hands.

I’m pretty sure, looking back, that he probably didn’t buy that.

6th grade came. My mom had surgery. My best friend had diabetes. Neither of these were their fault, of course, but both I’m fairly certain had an impact on my already anxious mind. I started worrying that I would develop diabetes like my friend had. Now, I was old enough at this point to understand that diabetes wasn’t contagious, so at least I wasn’t worried about contracting it from my friend. I was, however, afraid of contracting other diseases, so...yep, the hand washing continued. We also happened to have this lovely book of illnesses from the 80s that my parents bought with an encyclopedia set way back that I spent way too much time reading. Actually, reading that became one of my compulsions. There was an entry that I would read through every night before I went to bed. The same entry.

My mom wound up in the hospital with chest pains a couple of weeks after surgery. They sent her home with a diagnosis of acid reflux. It was 2 in the morning and they took me to a side room to see if I could get some sleep. I couldn’t. We were learning about the plague of all things and I couldn’t get the idea that plague bacteria could be lurking anywhere in that room out of my head, so...yep. Didn’t get to sleep until they released my mom out of the ER at 6 or 7 in the morning.

I started fearing heart attacks around this point. I would literally feel for my heartbeat several times a day, just to make sure my heart was still beating. 

Christmas that year was...stressful. My mom was still recovering from her surgery, there was family drama, my uncle’s girlfriend had a possible diagnosis of TB so everyone was paranoid of being around him because of THAT, my dad’s side of the family insisted on smoking despite the fact that being around smoke made me feel blah...

Still, that was a walk in the park compared to New Years.

We were invited to a neighbor’s New Years Eve party. Everything was fine until I walked in the door.

I still don’t entirely know how to describe the feeling that came over me. 11-year-old me summed it up as ‘I feel like I’m going to pass out’. I tried to continue as if everything was normal. I didn’t want to disrupt the party. The neighbor’s toddler daughter, who liked showing off for the ‘big kid’, wanted to show me a dance or something that she’d learned.

The feeling didn’t go away. I told my mom I wanted to go home, that I still felt like I was going to pass out.

We made it back home. I remember pleading with my mom to take me to the doctor, because I was honestly afraid there was something seriously wrong with me. The feeling eventually abated, but not without my discovering something quite interesting.

Remember that childhood illnesses book? When I read it, I usually stuck to certain communicable diseases that I was concerned about, or things like the diabetes that my best friend struggled with. My mom was looking through the book trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and started reading a definition that stood out to me. I don’t recall what all it said, and we no longer have that book (as it would be over 30 years old at this point). One thing I do recall was that she read something along the lines of ‘feeling like you’re going crazy or dying’.

It was under the heading of ‘panic attack’.

That New Years was the only New Years I can ever recall NOT staying up until or past midnight.

I ended up getting a fever a few days later, and in the midst of my fever, my delirious mind pounced on my fears and kept asking me ‘what if you really do want to hurt somebody?’ I was shaking uncontrollably, not realizing that I had chills and a fever, and ran into my mom’s room sobbing and telling her I thought I was going crazy. She felt my forehead and told me I was burning up.

You can understand why, when it was time to return back to school after Christmas break, I was uneasy as my mom pulled up to the curb to drop me off. I was afraid that I’d get a headache, or that I’d feel like I was going to pass out again, or any of the multiple things that seemed to be wrong with me recently. Of course, I had to pull up my big girl panties and still go to school, but...I started to become afraid to do things, out of fear that they would ‘set me off’, that something like what happened at that New Years Eve party would happen again.

And it did.

Not right away, of course. I didn’t walk into school and have it happen right away. It happened once in gym class. It happened at a school party. It happened when my parents were driving.

It happened twice in one day, at the beginning of 7th grade. To be fair, though, there were special circumstances that day. One instance was precipitated by a mental picture in my head of a plane crashing into our school, if that gives you some idea. Needless to say, even the adults seemed confused and panicky that day, and given how I was already..yeah, it wasn’t any surprise that 9/11 left me particularly frazzled. 

The summer between 9th grade and 10th grade was quite possibly the worst. I spent hours doing my various ‘rituals’ that I had to do each day. By this time, I was already getting involved with online fandoms, and every day before I could actually posted what I wanted to on the Harry Potter forum I was on, I had to post certain posts over and over again. By this point, I more than suspected I had OCD.

I actually mentioned it to someone on the board, who pretty much laughed and said. ‘You don’t have it. If you had it, it would be noticeable’.

...like it wasn’t? Did they think I was posting the same thing over and over again for fun? I was doing rituals until 1 and 2 in the morning for pete’s sake.

This was honestly the pattern off and on through high school. 11th grade was particularly awkward, as it began to affect my grades. Certain readings in American Lit would give me ‘weird feelings’, and I couldn’t bring myself to finish the assignments for them for that reason. 

The summer between 11th and 12th grade was when things hit a head. I developed a thing for straightening shelves in stores, and my dad was poking fun at me doing it at one point. I love my dad, but he can be particularly harsh when he teases, and by that point I was already in a bad position.

I burst into tears in the middle of Walmart. Not one of my proudest moments.

That said...it gave me the impetus to finally go to my parents about what was wrong. I knew I’d needed therapy for a few years prior to this point, I’d just never worked up the courage to talk to them about it.

The first part of the conversation actually went how I feared. My parents thought it was like the diseases I looked up as a child and would come into their room telling them I feared I’d get it (...ironically, I did that BECAUSE of this disorder, but moving on). 

I left the room crying and began to write out my experience year after year, much as I did here (though probably not quite as eloquently...I was 17 at the time, after all). Once my parents read THAT, they finally realized how much this was impacting my life, and agreed to take me to the doctor.

Not only that, but they confessed that they did similar things. Now both of them admit to having OCD to some extent, and it’s pretty darn obvious that much of my family struggles with anxiety and/or OCD...on both sides.

Sad thing is? It took until the millennials (me and my cousin on my dad’s side) and Gen Z (a cousin on my mom’s side) before anyone actually sought help for any of this. X_X 

I’m not going to pretend that I went to therapy and things magically got better. Therapy did help. I stopped therapy when I was 19, because my therapist was about to have a baby. I never went back to see her after that, figuring I was doing better at that point.

Of course, the ensuing decade after that was full of ups and downs.

2016 is probably when things began to get extra difficult again. I began to experience tremors. I would get dizzy/have palpitations. My doctor sent me to see a cardiologist and a neurologist.

They ran their tests, determined there was nothing physically wrong with me. The tremors, dizziness, and palpitations were new manifestations of my anxiety. At some point (not 100% sure when), I also gained a diagnosis of GAD.

Last year, I finally began to see a therapist yet again (the 2017-2018 flu season scared me particularly badly, and I still have a paranoia because of it), and started a new medication. Has everything gotten completely better?

No, but it has improved some from where it was prior to that point. I’m still working on it, and I’ll probably be working on it in some way, shape, or form for my entire life.

But hey, at least I can be more open about it now. And I know that I’m not alone, and that makes a huge difference as well <3

[angeledwings]

ʟᴇᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴀʟᴋ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ꜱʜɪᴘꜱ | @hartofbalamb //HMR I LOVE YOU TY. YOU ALREADY KNOW ME SO WELL asdfghjkl;♥♥♥

Send me a Ship and I’ll Break Them DOWN

How did they they meet?

Hoooboy this is gonna be kinda long.

So, I have this headcanon that Rinoa was looking everywhere for a Garden who would agree to offer their mercenaries in exchange for a low price---which is a very horrible exchange. And she knew that.

First. Rinoa went to Galbadia Garden; the snooty rich SeeDs with more experienced fighters. Their headmaster declined Rinoa’s offer---as expected, but that hardly unmotivated the determined resistance leader.

Next, she applied for help to Trabia Garden. The best they could do was offer some technicians and a trainee to ensure safety protocols and offer security. And while that was a kind offer, it wasn’t what Rinoa was looking for. Trabia declined Rinoa’s want for their experienced fighters but gave her a referral for Balamb and allowed her to board the train free of cost. (They were a bunch of nice people.)

The minute Rinoa arrives in Balamb, she’s met with the sight of a silver haired woman ruthlessly kicking the snot out of some poor helpless burly guy while another man in a white coat brandishing a sword laughed hysterically at the woman’s antics. Indeed, that was the posse we all know and Seifer loves.

Rinoa immediately assumes Balamb is an island full of delinquents with a bad reputation, but that doesn’t deter her from seeking out what she came there for.

However, before she was going to head down the road towards the Garden, she was going to stop the brutal beating by stepping between the woman and the cowering man, DEMANDING they stop. She didn’t mind a brawl if it meant fighting for what was right. And they were vehemently out of line.

This triggers Seifer, and he decides to introduce the fear of god into the small woman’s tiny form. He leers over her, using his tall stature to make her feel small, obsolete, weak. His piercing greens bore into her skull. And if looks could kill? She’d have died a thousand times.

Rinoa cared little for his approach. She was NOT afraid of him.

She stares back, eyes winced, brows furrowed, hands on her hips. She challenged him; a huge mistake no one DARED think about.

Still. He was not getting his way by trying to intimidate her.

They stay like this for a good five minutes. Seifer breaks, finding everything about her...amusing. different. hilarious. surreal. He smirks, then scoffs at this little spitfire and tells her to get out of his sight.

Fujin ceases her brutal beatings on Raijin and notices Seifer watching the blue clad woman with a wide eyed stare, and a psychotic curl of the lips.

He did not want their game to end. He wanted to make her suffer.

So he  follows her...

Who developed romantic feelings first?

Seifer.

Rinoa was too involved with getting Independence for Timber that she didn’t have time for romantic feelings. Or so she thought. Yes. Seifer was cute. He smelled good. His voice was was like a melody to her ears, but it was normal to get infatuation. And Rinoa assumed it would pass. It obviously did not.

Seifer, however, developed feelings for her because she didn’t want him, and she never took his shit. He was a selfish asshole and always treated their meetings like a game. Until it wasn’t...

Something about how passionate Rinoa was about her cause woke something up inside of him. Her determination for what she wanted was inspiring. Just like a little boy he once knew from long long ago...

Rinoa’s feelings eventually grew the moment Seifer started talking to Rinoa about Forest Owls. He would show minor tender moments to show Rinoa that he sincerely wanted to help her. It meant a lot to her because of the lengths he went to make sure her dream would prosper. He didn’t care about Timber at all, though. He cared about Rinoa, and what she wanted. So, what was important to her, was important to him.

He promised her he’d become a SeeD, and offer himself in Garden’s stead. But not for free. She owed him a date, and she was already neck deep in a shit ton of debt---or so he claimed.

Rinoa loves Seifer, and still does to this day. Theres a connection she feels that cant be said with words. Its just there. And it always will be.

Who is their biggest “shipper?”

Raijin. Raijin likes Rinoa because she saved him from Fujin’s wrath more than once. THEREFORE. HE ENCOURAGED SEIFER TO CHASE HER. Lmao. But oh. Don’t tell Seifer what to do. xD

When did they have their first kiss and under what circumstances?

Very bad circumstances lol. Seifer is an asshat. We all know this. How he shows affection or interest is...unusual at best.

What he did was, he needled her over the smallest things, tried to convince her she was stupid, told her she was weak, and on one occasion prevented her from going anywhere by barring her path with his legs. He was sitting in a seat blocking the door, laid back, watching her freaking out to let her go. It was amusing. He LOVED playing with her.

During that moment of hysteria, he drops his feet, grabs her, and plants a good one on her. She answers with a big slap against his face and screaming about something or another. Yeah, yeah. He’s heard it all before sweetheart.

He laughs and simply says, “Wow, that actually hurt.” He bars her path again by slamming his hands on the wall behind her and whispers, “Do it again...”

Who confessed their feelings first?

Seifer. Though not in your usual way. I mean, of course right? He’s a pompous asshole. Confident as hell and really doesn’t care any other way. It was just.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m not concerned about what you’re saying, but I like your face.”

What was their first official date?

Uhhh. Rinoa is still in “debt”. Loooool.

How do they feel about double dates/group dates?

Rinoa thinks they’re adorable. Seifer thinks its tacky. And what if he got a boner? Its not for them. But. Oh well. they can look. He’s a pretty impressive guy and all. -rolls eyes-

What do they do in their down time?

I can imagine Rinoa likes to pamper herself with bubble bath, massages, facials, and taking naps with Angelo. She also likes to catch up with some of her friends with lunch or a little get together.

And I figure Seifer is doing something dangerous or completely stupid. You know. So he can come out in a blaze of glory.

What was the first meeting of parents as an official couple like?

Well. Being that Rinoa only knows Edea due to....reasons. She never got a proper introduction.

Seifer met Fury and he didn’t care to change his personality to look good in front of the General. And Rinoa LOVED THAT. Seifer wasn’t afraid to continue being himself even towards a man of “great importance”. Seifer was just Seifer.

Caraway HATES his guts.

What was their first fight over and how did they get past it?

Obviously over the stunts he does. He is reckless with how he approaches things and due to that, it could land the Forest Owls in hot water. Rinoa was PISSED with some of the things Seifer threw himself into for fear that he wouldn’t come out alive. She was constantly worried that he would die over just one mistake, and he NEVER took her worries into consideration.

He knows he’s hard to kill, and he always told her that. Why did she care so much, anyway?

Women. Right?

They never really got passed it. Just bored of it? It was the same argument over and over. Seifer was not going to change and Rinoa had to accept that. And she did, no matter how much it hurt.

Which one is more easily made jealous?

Uh. Both, honestly? Though I see Seifer much more inclined to turn the entire misunderstanding into a fiasco that would make you regret having known him. Like. Punching out a guy for having looked at his girl a certain way. Starting an argument with a guy at a checkout register for telling Rinoa to have a good day bc thats obv signs of flirting. (Yes, I am aware that is VERy toxic. Seifer is toxic.)

Rinoa is more reserved and wants to keep it between them. But she isn’t all innocent. If Seifer even so much as says “hey” in a certain way to another, Rinoa will do the same with a guy to make him jealous. Its just a cycle of ugliness lol.

What is their favourite thing to get to eat?

Who doesn’t like sushi, fam? ;D

Who’s the cuddly one? What their favourite cuddling position?

Rinoa obviously cuddles Seifer. She loves every snuggly position. Just as long as she’s near him she loves it.

Seifer prefers laying on his back with an arm around her.

Are they hand holders?

Rinoa certainly is. She wants to hold Seifer’s hand all the time.

Seifer thinks its pathetic and embarrassing as fuck. Buutttt. He’ll give Rinoa this ONE exception.

How long do they wait before sleeping together for the first time? What’s the circumstances?

They should have waited longer buuuut, about 5 months since they met.

Circumstance? They were horny? asdfjgdflks;

Who tops?

Seifer. He has more experience.

It took Rinoa a little while to really learn about her body and what it liked. She can top when given the opportunity.

What’s the worst first they’ve ever gotten into?

I’d say, their first kiss was the worst fist of the century. xD Pretty sure the people of FFVIII heard Hyne crying.

Who does the shopping and the cooking?

Both. Rinoa LOVES Seifer’s cooking. Rinoa is also skilled with culinary arts. And she also does the shopping since Seifer gets irritated and loses his patience.

Which one is more organized and prone to tidiness?

Seifer is really organized for being a scatter brained asshole. Rinoa is the tired little poof. She loves her naps. <3

Who proposes?

Unfortunately....we all know how this panned out. :’(

Do they have joined Bachelor/Bacheloette parties or separate?

Who is the best man/maid of honour? Any other groomsmen or bridesmaids?

Big Ceremony or Small?

Do they have a honeymoon? If so, where?  

Do they have children? How many?

[the-council-of-new-york-vampires]

Can you please submit Adam's past!!! As well as some headcanons on him ;(

Out of Character:

Adam’s past is in the works… You see, I started some day in December and didn’t do so much work on it since. 😅 Technically, it’s finished, but it’s especially hard to edit, because it’s the longest one I’ve yet written, and I really do want it to be perfect. But don’t worry, I’ll def publish it. ☺️

Lemme start with my headcanons:

My biggest one: Adam is a psychopath. So, sometime ago, I asked people on their opinion on that topic and legit no one replied… Thanks for that, guys. 🙃😂 Anyway, I have been drowning myself in research for several weeks now, and I know that there’s a lot of misinformation about psychopathy online. Like, psychopaths have very little to do with Hollywood movies, and it’s not a mental illness but a neurological disorder. I differentiate between sociopaths and psychopaths as well, as in: Psychopaths are born, sociopaths are made, and they behave and think differently. I have been analyzing Adam’s behavior and scenes carefully and, as far as I’m concerned, he meets all the signs for psychopathy. I know it’s kind of a critical topic to discuss, but I’d love to analyze Adam’s behavior and thoughts and compare it to psychopathy, in a separate post. (I am not looking to insult or offend anyone with this, I just love giving interesting characters more depth and exploring their minds and ways of thinking, especially when it comes to villains.)

Fitting the above one, Adam was a con artist at some point. I always thought of this job he would be so good at, but never knew the name until I came across it during my psychopathy research. Con artist! That job is made for him. I headcanon, some day after being a politician as a human, he came to America and started working as, I don’t know the name, but those people who came to people’s houses and sold them bullshit. He didn’t do that for a long time, though, because I don’t think it makes good money and it has a low social standing. However, that’s how he slipped into the con artist job or how he calls it “working in the finance sector”. He did that for, I don’t know, ten years or more, before he decided he had made enough money with it. He wanted to get into poilitics again to satisfy his desire for power, and quit being a con artist, because it would have been too risky to do both at the same time. (I doubt he was ever caught, but conning people is obviously illegal.)

It was slightly hinted at by Adrian that, sometimes, Adam kills women after sleeping with them. I think when he was around Priya’s age, he did that very often. Just sought them out and killed them afterwards, because he liked the feeling of power and control it gave him. In the present, it is more likely that he has contacts for things like that, contacts he does not kill, because it would be a huge scandal, obviously. Still, he sees all people as objects, humans more so than vampires, and attractive young women primary as sex objects to use and discard, and he thinks it’s pathetic that they adore him and seek him out the way they do, that they ‘let’ him kill them. But of course, he pretends to be this super elegant gentleman. I do think he was taught to treat women with special respect, but, if you consider his actual personality, it’s highly unlikely that he keeps that mask on in the bedroom. He displays it in public, because most women love gentlemen, but, unless his lover needs to be manipulated by him or he wants something from her, he is totally different, degrading even, in the bedroom.

I think Adam is very vain to the point that he needs longer in the bathroom than some ladies. I think he has a personal barber, stylist, you name it, and they come over every morning. He loves his appearance and - sorry - I can definitely see him making out with a mirror. At least, whenever he walks by, he does admire the guy he sees. But how could you not? How could women not? At least, that’s what Adam thinks. And lemme judge: he’s damn right. Adam’s About 183 cm tall (I just know), he’s muscular, he has a nice haircut, a fancy beard, great taste in fashion… And those, lemme guess, thick 7 inches. 😌😏 Hehe.

Pretty sure that Adam has a wild, irresponsible streak in him that he must live out somehow. I mean, he dated Priya and as if she would ever date anyone boring. Adam loves partying, irresponsible sexual acts, the adrenaline when seeking thrills. Despite what people think, I can definitely see him as a reckless driver, especially when alone. This guy has no fears. He is similar to Kamilah in some ways, but that’s one where they differ: I think he can let go better than she can, he just needs the right circumstances, right people, right situations. He is a lot more likely to play Roulette and bet on black just for the hell of it. With Priya, he did many irresponsible things, thinking “I don’t care. I love it.” Icona Pop knows. 😉

As a mortal, Adam had a family and children. Considering the historical context, this is more than likely. People often say they can’t imagine him as a father, and in a way I agree: I think he was a very neglectful and absent father who had a lot more kids than he wanted (considering the fact that he wanted none 😂). Furthermore, he was a very disloyal husband, married more than once, got women pregnant who he wasn’t married to, banished them or forced them into an abortion (people knew there were ways to miscarry)… I’m guessing the probability for him to cheat in a relationship to be as high as 80%. I see no reason for him not to cheat, because he has no moral compass and he believes he can have anyone, deserving of as many lovers as he wants. However, if she would cheat, he would either be incredibly angry or totally careless. Anyway, if there is one person seeing a crying toddler and thinking “Damn, I’m glad my kids are dead”, it’s Adam.

Back to his roots: Adam grew up Catholic. This is not me saying religion makes people bad (I’m religious myself), but me saying he grew up at a time and in a country that was certainly Catholic. However, I highly doubt he ever believed in any religion, simply was raised into a strictly religious environment. In that way, he broke rules very early such as no lying or no touching yourself, and this is how he learned to be sneaky about it. This theory explains his name as well, as Adam was the first human created by God, and he was likely named after him, not as the first human in the world, but the first baby born to his parents, a noble couple. I’m very sure he grew up in a big family. However, he is only focused only on himself since… all the time.

Obviously, regarding sex, Adam has done almost everything there is to do. I think he is much more animalistic and pleasure-focused than people think, and he loves to break taboos the same way he breaks rules as he considers himself above them. Imagine anything nasty and I bet he has done it. Either with someone kinky like Priya or he just persuaded a ‘normal’ person into letting him try whatever ‘sick’ fantasy he had. Also, he loves group sex with, like, four women who cater to his needs. I tried to widen this headcanon a bit by bringing guys into it as well. While I think Adam is definitely heterosexual, I wouldn’t be surprised if anything happened between him and a man. I headcanon something like: He was at an orgy, drunk or whatever, centuries ago, doing his thing, and a guy just approached and gave him oral. Lol. And he let him do it, because why the hell not? Meanwhile, I find kissing a bit too intimate, but I can imagine he has done it, too, out of manipulation or because a guy just kissed him. With Priya, I headcanon he seduced young women, killed them… and they had fun with them, like… blood play and stuff…

I think Adam’s basic directive is “I don’t care”, regarding the other members of The Council as well. Of course, there are things he cares about deeply, like killing the Clanless or getting votes, but all of that serves no one but himself, the only person on Earth he actually cares about. You could give him any person’s name and ask if they shall live or die and he wouldn’t care at all what happens to them (unless that person’s existence is useful or bothering for him). Yeah, he has no conscience and he gives zero shits. His emotions are super limited. Like, when Gaius presented them his morbid plan, Adam was careless to the point that he had to observe the others’ reactions to be able to form and voice an opinion. He is calm by default and rarely gets angry (the anger he showed in several scenes was fake in order to appear believable).

Regarding lovers, Adam has a type. He likes young women (22-28), naive and ‘stupid’, women he can easily control, and he sees himself deserving of having all the pretty ones, like trophies or possessions. When someone doesn’t have the right age or look, he considers them not good enough for him and would find it pathetic if they asked him out. He doesn’t like independent women, he likes women he can make dependent on him. He always needs to be the superior one, financially as well as intellectually. All this explains why he never had and never ever will have a thing for Kamilah. She is everything he can’t control, can’t subject, and that’s why he respects her and can openly express a platonic liking for her. But deep inside, women like that threaten him and he wants to destroy them, because they are too smart to fall for him. And women (people) he can’t benefit from, who refuse to obey him, who he can’t manipulate, have no use to him. Regarding one night stands, which he had a lot more than gilfriends, he only targets very attractive women. He likes dark types, like himself, rather than blondes, and women who are particularly feminine. Long hair, long nails, dresses, high heels… I think that attracts him. And he loves asses. And Latinas. Sorry.

I think Adam has more than two faces. To the public, he is that super friendly, charming guy who wants the best for anyone. To The Council, he is that friendly guy who has drastic measures, but still puts a lot of importance on their team-spirit. Part of the mask is off, but he still presents himself as friendly and interested in the well-being of the public. Like, he greets the members happily and calls them his “friends”, but everyone does know they shouldn’t turn on him. (The Baron even said so.) When dating Priya, he showed a different face again. More of that easy-going guy, a great sport, overly protective of his ‘loved’ ones. He always alternates between “Hello, I am super friendly and chill, you can talk about anything with me” and “I am super dangerous and you better not fuck with me”. Then, in reality, he is a cold-hearted snake who cares about no one but himself. Now imagine him around his Clan. I think his mask slips off even further than it does when he’s with The Council, in a way that they might even fear him, because they know what he’s capable of. Or they admire him because he leaves the mask on, like the nerd in the train to the Ball does, who obviously has a crush on him? It is so different to assess Adam, because he is a great actor and he can legit be anyone. He can be the kind philantrophist you support, the sexy celebrity you admire, the relaxed guy who is your best friend, the intelligent Clan leader, the most caring boyfriend you have had, the most abusive boyfriend you have had… or the man who is actually planning to murder you.