#why does she love space amazon

[andthematteroftime]

I've been rewatching thirteens series because I haven't actually watched most of them since seeing them on telly and it's weird because there's some really good bits every now and then, and then they hit me with the most out of character, immoral bit of nonsense and I'm just blown away.

[reasonsforhope]

We’ve just taken a major step toward cleaning up space junk.

On Monday, October 2, the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) in the US issued its first fine for space debris, ordering the US TV provider Dish to pay $150,000 for failing to move one of its satellites into a safe orbit. 

“It is definitely a very big symbolic moment for debris mitigation,” says Michelle Hanlon, a space lawyer at the University of Mississippi. “It’s a great step in the right direction.”

But it might be more than just a symbolic gesture by the FCC. Not only does it set a precedent for tackling bad actors who leave dangerous junk orbiting Earth, but it could send shock waves through the industry as other satellite operators become wary of having their reputation tarnished. While the $150,000 FCC fine was modest, Dish’s share price fell by nearly 4% immediately following its announcement, pushing the company’s $3 billion valuation down about $100 million.

The FCC’s action could also help breathe new life into the still-small market for commercial removal of space debris, essentially setting a price—$150,000—for companies such as Astroscale in Japan and ClearSpace in Switzerland to aim for in providing services that use smaller spacecraft to sidle up to dead satellites or rockets and pull them back into the atmosphere...

Another hope is that the FCC’s fine will encourage other countries to follow suit with their own enforcement actions on space junk. “It sends a message out of America taking leadership in this area,” says Newman. “This is starting the ball rolling.”

Today there are more than 8,000 active satellites, nearly 2,000 dead satellites, and hundreds of empty rockets orbiting Earth. Managing these objects and preventing collisions is a huge task, and one that is becoming increasingly difficult as the number of satellites grows rapidly. The worsening situation is largely due to mega-constellations of hundreds or thousands of satellites from companies like SpaceX and Amazon, designed to beam the internet to any corner of the globe...

Hanlon says there are further measures that could be taken to discourage companies from failing to dispose of satellites properly. “Honestly, I would love to see that if you don’t meet your license requirements, you’re banned from launching for a number of years,” she says. “If you’re driving under the influence you can have your license revoked. These are the kinds of measures we need to see.”

Chris Johnson, a space law advisor at the Secure World Foundation in the US, says the loss of reputation for Dish about the satellite situation might be worse than any fine it could have received. “They promised to remove it and they didn’t,” he says. “It’s like the first operator of a car to get a speeding ticket.”

The fall in the company’s share price appears to be indicative of that reputational damage. The fine may not have been as severe as it could have been, but the FCC’s actions can be seen as a warning to other companies to tackle space junk. “This is going to be on their record and their reputation,” says Johnson. “It’s not trivial.”

-via MIT Technology Review, October 5, 2023

Always nice to see steps taken to tackle a problem BEFORE it causes incredibly massive issues

[what-even-is-thiss]

I'm kind of fascinated by Ares/Mars as a character. Understandably he's not very well liked. Because he generally represents the undesirable parts of war. Bloodlust, fighting, terror, chaos.

But he's also a god of courage, and a god you want on your side when you go into a war. He also seems to respect women more than other Greek and Roman gods, generally. There's few direct references to him forcing himself on people that I've found. They exist, and many of the references to his lovers are vague so we can't be sure what the women thought of the situation so that should be kept in mind.

His daughters are often prominent in the myths, founding the Amazons and becoming various queens and notable warriors within that tribe. In fact, I'd wager his daughters often take a bigger space in our collective consciousness than his sons, Queen Hippolyta being among one of his most famous children. And he gives courage to his daughters in equal measure to his sons, giving one of his infant daughters the ability to suck milk from her dead mother and survive by force of will.

He's also surprisingly weak. He loses a boxing match against Hermes when they fought over a woman. He gets trapped in a jar for several months by giants. He isn't always on the winning side.

In the Orphic hymn 65 to Ares it says he is "pleased with war’s dreadful and tumultuous roar." but also, it asks him for peace. "Stay furious contests, and avenging strife, whose works with woe embitter human life;... for arms exchange the labours of the field; encourage peace, to gentle works inclined, and give abundance, with benignant mind."

Ares Mars is confusing. Like he's still an embodiment of some of the worst parts of war, but he gives power to the worthy regardless of gender, he's the one you go to to beg for peace, he's the one you go to for courage. Also, he's not indestructible. I think I get why the Romans smushed him together with a fertility god. You need land for agriculture. What's the only way to get more land in the ancient world? War. And Rome, above anything else, was into farming and war. Putting the two together isn't as illogical as you think.

I also always think off how Athena Minerva is almost universally loved even in the present day. But why? She's also a war god. She gets to sit in the tent seeing soldiers as chess pieces while Ares is on the field with them. Arguably she is just as responsible for carnage and woe as he is.

When death goes missing and the mortals are left to suffer through their wounds, never dying, it's Ares who notices. Not Athena. Not anyone else. He's also the one who does something about it and goes to save him.

Do I like Ares? No, not really. Like anyone else I don't particularly enjoy war. In fact, I wish it didn't exist. However, I do think that as a character he's way more complicated than he's often given credit for.

Also one of his sons is a literal dragon. Hell yeah.

[not-another-robin]

What do you think are the justice league member's favorite snacks/meals they like to cook/eat?

Dear anon, I am so glad you asked. Allow me to explain

J'onn - literally everyone is concerned. J'onn eats stuff that's not food just because he can. He will snack on drywall. He eats bugs off of leaves. The actual food he eats isn't much better - his diet consists almost entirely off of processed sugar. Obviously chocos/oreos, but also just the kind of things a seven year old would pack for lunch. Twinkies, sugary cereal, actual candy, donuts, popcorn, chips, etc. He tries, half-heartedly, to insist that Martians nutritional needs are different than humans, but there is literally no evidence to suggest that. Someone in the JL takes him out to eat/brings him food almost every day to make sure he doesn't die.

Wally - only marginally better than J'onn in that he won't eat chalk unprompted. We all know speedsters, they need a lot of food to keep up with their metabolism and energy, but Wally is especially ludicrous in the "will eat anything" category. He will put anything and everything in the fridge into a sandwich, which sounds like a fun thing to ask about, but eventually everyone realizes they just don't wanna know. Also a connoisseur of wild food combos ("icing in chili??" "Hey don't knock it til you try it")

Shayera - A little bit more normal but the bar is in hell so that doesn't mean much. She will try anything at least once, especially on a dare. She also just has an insane pallete for space food. Meals on thanagar were really just anything slightly edible thrown into a trough, so anything that's cooked is fine dining. Also sometimes things that aren't cooked. Raw chicken is one of her favorite snacks - She likes to chew on (and eventually eat) the bones

Bruce - now we're reaching slightly normal human foods, but that doesn't mean Bruce's diet is normal. Honestly, he's just autismcore with a splash of "do rich people really eat that?". His schedule is so fucked he rarely ever has time for an actual meal, so mostly he eats what he can when he can. I have fully adopted the fandom canon that he eats shredded cheese right out of the bag. When he does eat a real meal, it's part of a carefully crafted food schedule developed over decades. He essentially has 31 meals, one for every day - a good mix of recognizable foods and "some guy I traveled the Amazon with made this for me in 1986".

Diana - we have now reached the "can cook" section. One caveat for Diana though, she has no idea how kitchen appliances work. If the oven isn't made of stone she may set something on fire. She's used to the best Themyscira has to offer, lots of fresh fruits and vegetables and elaborate feasts. She can't really manage a feast in her apartment, but she knows a good few meals, she eats well. However, she's often too busy to make her own food, so it's like 60% take out.

Clark - this boy eats three square meals a day no matter WHAT. If you sleepover with Clark there will be pancakes and eggs on the table by the time you wake up. He's just a big country boy, his ma taught him well and he uses it. He cooks for himself pretty much every day, the only exception being occasionally going out for lunch during work or picking up a hot dog from a cart (he loves them, no one can understand why).

John - John is your uncle that got really into meal prep. He is religious about his food intake, he only eats the best and has every meal scheduled like a month in advance. He picked up a few recipes from his mom, but he really just picked up a passion for cooking well at some point just to challenge himself. He also eats really healthy, he's known to occasionally go on some weird keto diet that everyone makes fun of him for. He's the kind of person who eats overnight oats. He lectures Wally about his eating habits daily.

So. That was a ridiculous amount thought and effort for a simple headcanon question. This is what they inside of my brain looks like 24/7 thanks got asking <3

[gottiewrites]

Amazon MGM Studios is developing the YA novel “The Loneliest Girl in the Universe” as a feature film.

Variety released the news today:

Amazon MGM Studios is developing the YA novel “The Loneliest Girl in the Universe” as a feature film.

Joe Roth and Jeffrey Kirschenbaum (“Anyone but You,” “Fast X,” the upcoming “Jackpot”) will produce the film alongside Katherine Langford, best known for starring in Netflix’s hit YA series “13 Reasons Why”; Seldy Gray will oversee development for Roth Kirschenbaum Films.

The project is in early development at the studio with Sarah Conradt-Kroehler writing the script, from a treatment by Gary Dauberman.

The Loneliest Girl in the Universe was first published in 2017. It was nominated for the 2019 Carnegie medal, named one of Barnes & Noble’s Top 15 YA Books of 2018, and shortlisted for the STEAM Children’s Book Prize 2019.

Romy Silvers is the only surviving crew-member of a spaceship travelling to a new planet, on a mission to establish a second home for humanity. Alone in space, she is the loneliest girl in the universe until she hears about a new ship which has launched from Earth with a single passenger on board. A boy called J.

Their only communication is via email and due to the distance between them, their messages take months to transmit. And yet Romy finds herself falling in love.

But what does Romy really know about J? And what do the mysterious messages which have started arriving from Earth really mean?

Sometimes, there’s something worse than being alone…

I’ve been holding onto this secret for four long years, so I’m beyond thrilled to finally be able to share it.

The production company, Roth/Kirschenbaum, made Damsel (Milly Bobby Brown/Netflix), Anyone but You (Sydney Sweeney/Glen Powell), The School for Good and Evil (Paul Feig/Netflix), Fast X (Vin Diesel) and The Gray Man (Ryan Gosling), so Romy is in very, very good hands indeed.

A movie deal is, obviously, a dream come true. It’s not something I ever thought would happen to me. I feel lucky enough to get to keep writing new books, let alone for someone to make an adaptation of something that came out of my brain.

The Loneliest Girl in the Universe is a very special story to me. I wrote it when I was 22, fresh out of a physics degree. On the surface, it was inspired by some of the physics I’d learnt about deep space travel at university, but mainly it was propelled by the complicated feelings I had about technically being an ‘adult’ while really just feeling like a naiive kid. It was about internet dating, and fandom as a form of self expression, and my complicated relationship with girlhood (as someone who no longer really identifies as a ‘girl’).

Romy is one of the most precious character I’ve ever created. I poured so much of myself into her personality; her insecurities; her flaws and strengths. So many readers respond to her vulnerability (and mine) with deep love. People have told me that they would die for Romy. That she’s their favourite fictional character of all time. That she’s helped them process so much of their own anxiety, trauma and imposter syndrome. That she’s a role model for girls who are deciding to study science at university. As a writer, it’s the biggest honour to have created someone who feels so real and important to so many people.

I can’t wait for Romy to reach a whole new audience on screen through Amazon MGM Studios. The team at R/K have a very clear vision for Romy’s story, and so much respect for her journey as a character. I’m very excited to see what they create.

I have some experience of the TV industry in UK through my work in the Heartstopper writer’s room as story consultant, but movies and Hollywood are obviously a whole new ballgame. I’m excited and nervous to learn more!

For everyone who’s been with me and Romy since 2017, I hope the The Loneliest Girl in the Universe movie lives up to all your expectations, when it launches (which might be a while off!). Thank you for sticking with me.

And for new readers, you can read the book now. It’s published in the UK, Australia, USA, and in translation in Indonesia, Brazil, Poland and Turkey.

Goodreads

Amazon UK

Waterstones

Foyles

Audible

Amazon US

“A strange, witty, compulsively unpredictable read which blows most of its new YA-suspense brethren out of the water.” – Entertainment Weekly

“Black Mirror-esque. A fantastic slow-build drama. Lauren James is a genius.” – SFX

“Gripping romantic sci-fi thriller.” – Wall Street Journal

“This slow-burning psychological thriller has a killer twist that will make you gasp.” – Bustle

And while you’re all here, a reminder that my next novel Last Seen Online is being published on August 1st. A scandal occurs within the cast of the TV show that Romy writes fanfiction about in The Loneliest Girl in the Universe.

Goodreads

Amazon UK

Waterstones

Audible

Foyles

Fill out this form to receive a signed postcard of character art for Last Seen Online - open to anyone in the UK who preorders the book before 1st August 2024.

A contemporary YA murder mystery set in sun-drenched LA, for fans of Malibu Rising, We Were Liars and A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder. When Delilah meets Sawyer Saffitz (son of Anya Saffitz, aka Hollywood royalty), she becomes hooked on a decade-old scandal. In her quest for the truth, Delilah uncovers blogposts written by the mysterious “gottiewrites” and is soon caught up in a world of greed, fandom conspiracy theories … and murder. And the deeper Delilah digs, the more dangerous it becomes – because someone is willing to kill to hide the truth.

- Wren x

[buggaboizz]

Kwazii Ref Sheet +Character Details and Backstory!

Character Details!

Headshot:

He has a gold tooth, lol

Also, though he does wear an eye patch and has a scar there, he does in fact still have that eye. He wears it cause Calico Jack wore one.

Earrings:

I once read in someone else's headcannon that pirates would have a gold earring that said their home (like, in case they died away or smth) and I thought that was SO cool, so his say "Octopod" (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

Fish Biscuit

I just needed something to fill the space, he does love fish biscuits tho

Bandana

It's a red bandana with gold stitching that once belonged to Calico Jack. It was given to Kwazii before Calico Jack left for the Amazon River. Ever since he has worn it on his tail as a piece of his long lost Grandfather.

Knife

It's the knife from his pirate days. It doesn't get much use nowdays, but he loves using it whenever he can.

Kwazii's Backstory

Kwazii's father left as soon as he was told she was pregnant. Luckily, Kwazii's mom wasn't alone in this as she had her dad, Calico Jack. Unfortunately, she didn't make it through child birth, so Calico Jack had to face this on his own.

Kwazii was raised mostly out on the sea, being a pirate and learning the ways of the water.

Kwazii was only 14 when Calico Jack set off for the Amazon River. He didn't want Kwazii coming as he knew it would be dangerous, but he promised he would come back to him. He left Kwazii with his bandanna, the only surviving piece of his grandfather.

Kwazii spent years searching for Calico Jack. Sailing across the seas, searching every dock and town, but he never found him. He did sometimes find Calico Jack's old crew, but they all said the same thing. They didn't know where he was or what happened to him, or even worse, that he was dead.

Kwazii was at a dock town when he got into a fight with some sailors. He was sitting in an alleyway, beaten and bruised, when someone walked up to him. Barnacles was in the Navy when his ship came to this place. He was just having a night on the town when he found Kwazii. Kwazii was just some beat up kid in an alley with no parents or family, so he took him in and fixed him up. Of course he couldn't stay long as he was in the Navy, but for that short moment in time, he was the family Kwazii needed.

Why did Kwazii Join The Octonauts?

Kwazii continued searching for Calico Jack, and continued getting the same results. Years past until at the age of 22 he found himself at a dock. He overheard some Seagulls talking about this group of people that went around the world's oceans and helped creatures in need. He learned more about these people, they were called The Octonauts.

He had decided that he had done enough searching, that he needed to make something of his life. He was wasting himself and his life just searching, so he decided to join. But, deep down inside, he still had hopes that maybe he'd find Calico Jack on his journeys with them.

When he had his interview, Captain Barnacles was out, so Dashi was doing it. They decided it would be good to have a pirate on the team. Who knows the sea better than a pirate? Plus, he was very passionate about it. So he was made a member of the team.

Later when Barnacles returned he went to meet their new recruit. They recognized each other as soon as they laid eyes on one another. It was a very happy reunion. Kwazii finally had the permanent family he needed.

Headcannons and Bits

-Kwazii plays the fiddle

-Him and Barnacles like to groom together

-Kwazii was named after his mother

-He LOVES getting pets and scratchies

-He sleeps in a hammock

-His fur coloring is based off a local stray cat named Pickles (they are very sweet)

-Kwazii uses A LOT of pirate slang

-Kwazii transitioned after Calico Jack had left, so he didn't know Kwazii was now a boy. But once he was back they did have a heart to heart talk about it (CJ loves and supports Kwazii no matter what) that was also the first time the team learned he was trans (only Peso knew, cause doctor things)

-You can point to ANY of his scars and he'll tell this crazy story of how he got it

-He LOVES snuggling

-He HATES licorice (but that's cannon)

[that-ari-blogger]

Style vs Substance (Respectless)

The fact that Respectless isn’t the least popular song in the series is a marvel of creative skill. The song shouldn’t work.

Velvette is a plot device, and not a particularly subtle one. She gives information to the characters and the audience and sets up the stakes of the story, then drops off the map. This is exposition in its most blunt form and the song isn’t trying to hide that.

Still, the song is an absolute banger, and lauded as one of the series’ best. So, what’s up with that?

Raw charisma, that’s what.

Let me explain.

CONTENT WARNING (Foul Language and Cartoon Gore)

SPOILERS AHEAD (Hazbin Hotel)

I’m going to start with a criticism of the series before I move on to the positives. In my opinion, Hazbin Hotel has a pacing issue.

I’m not the first person to point this out, but it's worth dwelling upon the flaws in even our favourite stories. No work of fiction is perfect and understanding why that is helps us engage not just with the work itself, but with others who enjoy those stories less than ourselves.

I love this series despite its pacing issues, but for some people, that’s a dealbreaker, and that’s ok. You don’t have to like or dislike anything, and anybody telling you otherwise is objectively wrong about how liking things works.

So, pacing. Hazbin Hotel struggles with this, and fair is far, it isn’t all the writer’s fault. The majority of the blame can be placed on the Amazon executives who decided that an eight-episode series retains the most attention and produced the most money for the lowest budget, and therefore that was how long the series was going to be.

Now, I hate to argue with people who don’t know what they’re talking about, but in my opinion, that statistic is bollocks. By which I mean whichever exec "discovered" it was an eejit who didn’t understand how art works.

Yes, eight episodes is a golden spot for average retention rate. Yes, theoretically, the return on investment is on average better with an eight-episode series. But that is working on averages, and you can’t mathematically predict art because there are so many factors, most of which are the skill and execution, but a decent amount is luck.

It’s putting the profit above the product, and it’s what corporations do, but that doesn’t make it a good thing.

Velvette keeps "scaring" people. But if you watch, she's really just getting in their personal space. It's shock factor and instilling discomfort. Velvette has confused surprise for intimidation but, like a lot of what she does, its hollow.

That being said, in my opinion, Vivsiepop’s pacing is weird. This is entirely preferential, but to me, a lot of the individual shots in Hazbin Hotel are cut just too quickly. They don’t have time to breathe and let you take in the information. It feels like the director of photography was in a hurry to get as much information across as possible without much care for the flow of the scene.

This is, I want to stress, entirely a subjective evaluation. This specific element of shot length is not a flaw, it is one of the stylistic choices that make up the show’s aesthetic and it carries over to Helluva Boss. It is an intentional part of the series. I just personally don’t like it much, as it makes it difficult to digest the story without feeling overwhelmed. I have a friend for whom the janky shot timing is the best part of the series, and once again, that’s ok.

Episode three has the opposite problem, and its not actually the episodes’ fault. I would argue that this is a symptom of the shorter season, but there are other cases. The issue, is that barely anything introduced in episode three goes anywhere in later episodes.

The connection between Carmilla Carbine and Vaggie is underutilised, and I don’t think Velvette has any lines outside of the episode. The Vees themselves don't really get much to do in the story and even the brick joke being set up through the egg bois doesn’t have enough time to feel impactful.

What this means is that I have to analyse Respectless from a different perspective. I can’t speak to what Velvette sets up in terms of plot, but I can speak to her character, and that is interesting.

Mostly because of how she breaks down one of the fundamental rules of writing, that being the taboo against exposition. If you know this blog, you know where I’m going with this.

The rules of writing are overblown. They are guidelines to easier storytelling, and the exposition rule helps keep audiences engaged. But it's important to understand why. The exposition rule exists because walls of monotone text are boring, usually. The exposition isn’t the problem, it’s just that there is an easy trap to fall into, and it's easier as a writer to avoid that.

However, if you make that wall of text interesting, then you have the audience’s attention. Maybe we bring in a conflict with another character to frame the text. Maybe the information is being revealed in order to get at one of the characters emotionally. Or maybe the information takes the form of a song.

Notice the scale of this shot compared to the last one in the song. Here, Velvette is smaller than Carmilla. She's an underdog being challenged by a more formidable foe.

“You’d better show some respect! Check your behaviour. No-one speaks to Zestial that way.”

There’s some worldbuilding going on in this song, and it takes the form of the following question: Who is in the right here? Who is in the right in this argument?

I’m not asking who is worse, or who is the antagonist. I’m asking you to point to either Carmilla or Velvette and tell me they are correct in all of their judgements.

I would argue that one is the lesser of two evils, but this is hell. These people are far from saints, and the song goes out of its way to point this out.

In the first line, we get the accusation that Velvette is insolent, i.e. lacking in respect. It sets up the dynamic, but it also begs the question… what is Velvette respecting here?

Like, do these people have authority over her? Are they just nebulously more powerful? Or, more likely, do they expect deference because of their status?

Which brings me to Velvette, who is a brilliant analogy for social media. She speaks very quickly, latches onto the thing that will get her the most attention, and occasionally says something rather insightful. But if there’s one thing she’s awful at, its nuance.

In this case, she recognises the fact that the respect is hollow, and her response is that people should turn that adulation onto her because… because she’s going to be nebulously more powerful/higher in status.

This is repeated later on:

“Why are you avoiding war? That’s what the guns you sell are for.”

The accusation of Carmilla’s hypocrisy is potent and not wrong. Carmilla does fund devastation and profiteer off death, then get all squeamish when it puts her or the people she cares about in danger. That’s hypocrisy.

But Velvette’s takeaway from this is that Carmilla should just lean into the devastation and actively seek war instead of the, in my opinion, much more sensible option of “if you don’t like people with weapons rocking up on your doorstep, stop giving people weapons”, or “if you don’t like war when it comes to you, stop encouraging it in the first place.”

The song really only serves one purpose, set up the fact that Carmilla killed an angel, and people don’t think that can happen. Yes, it sets up Carmilla’s character, but that is done so much better by the next song that this pales in comparison.

Around that, the song acts as a divergence from the main story, showing the political chaos that colours Hells’ upper ring, and sets up what might be a conflict in season two. It's too early to speak on that, it's set dressing for the moment, but I think the way the song works around the argument is interesting.

Take the drums for example.

“Did you expect us to sit down and take your insolent brazen display.”

The song begins with Carmilla and notably without any percussion. Instead, the guitar hammers out chords with some complex movements between to get out the force and anger behind her words.

It’s notable that when Carmilla starts singing, Velvette looks genuinely taken aback, before getting her expressions back in order and her confidence up.

“You’ve got it twisted. I’m not the one who needs a new attitude. Maybe you missed it, But I’m that hashtag bitch and I will do”

Then Velvette takes control from Carmilla, and the drums get associated with her wild, expressionistic perspective. Its now a repeated pattern so show off how unphased Velvette claims to be, but it's also irregular, hinting that maybe it’s a façade.

I used the word “hashtag” there instead of just putting up the symbol for a reason. Everything Velvette does is irregular. She’s shaking up every convention and thinking that makes her smart.

And yes, the adding of syllables to the line draws you forwards, so that’s a success. But not every power grab is going to succeed. Risk taking for the sake of risk taking isn't the same as intelligence. Sometimes you will look a bit silly.

We get a truly killer shot of Velvette backlit by her own scheming to show just how much she has her fingerprints on everything the Vees do.

“Sorry group attending. Since when are overlords too scared to fight?”

Then she has her confidence back in full, and she goes on the offensive. Up until now, she’s been declaring how cool and badass she is and how everyone should look at her because she’s going to be the queen of everything and bla bla bla. She’s been psyching herself up.

It's self-centred, and the drums are what tells you that. Velvette is overconfident, so the percussion is now so off balance that it's almost a drumroll. It’s a build-up of that wildness, empowering her and gaining momentum. Added to which is the sound of a phone camera, which mingles with the rest of the beat in an odd way and throws it even further off kilter.

"You lost your relevance" "We can't act without more intelligence"

Then we get to Zestiel, who casually matches her in tone with none of the intensity. Carmilla is offended at the thought of her structure being uprooted, Zestiel is utterly unimpressed and only gets mildly upset when Velvet impacts his personal space.

He also doesn't rise to the challenge at all. He remains intent on the point at hand and does not give a toss about any insults thrown his way. He's not going to get distracted by trolling.

For all of Velvette’s posturing, she has next to no impact on the target of her aggression. That’s how you stop a troll, you don’t give them anything to feed off. Hence his expression at Carmilla’s attempt at recapturing the moment. It’s not, “that hurt me” or “defend me please”, its “don’t take the bait.”

I don’t want to only praise Zestiel here, he is not without flaw. He’s got the Yoda issue of being content that his status quo is untouchable. He is happy in the knowledge that his status makes him invulnerable, and that’s not true. Nobody is safe from change, not even the most insulated from it.

“You and the Vees are inane and uninformed. Smug wannabees Who don’t heed when you’ve been warned.

Back to the drums, and this section is reclaiming those for Carmilla. She is meeting Velvette in the middle, giving ground to her in the process and leaning into her power.

You know in arguments in comments sections when one person puts their point IN FULL CAPITAL LETTERS and baits everyone else to do the same? That’s this. The drums are the caps lock.

But here, they are actually quite nice. Carmilla is trying to use Velvette’s tactics in her own style. You will notice that while Velvette has a very technopunky aesthetic to her music, Carmilla leans much further into a style whose name I do not know but for now I will call "operatic" (If you are aware of what the name is for the style of music that intricate guitar leans into, please tell me).

However, now those drums form a steady beat to back up Carmilla’s rising force. She’s seen Velvette do something, and now she’s doing it better. Up to and including the gathering speed descent.

Notice the angle of the shot though. It’s Dutch. The horizon is diagonal, which means the characters within are unbalanced. Carmilla has just fallen for Velvette’s trap and overextended herself. Making her weak for the final reveal.

“Oops did I strike a nerve?”

The drums transition seamlessly back to Velvette, as she bears those accusations as a batch of honour. She’s the type of person who thinks being blocked is a victory, so this isn’t anything to her.

We get a few very tight shots of Carmilla realising she’s been played, and everyone learns the truth about the angel and who killed it, and we get Zestial’s expression.

This isn’t a face of anger, or betrayal. It doesn't say "how could you", it says "wtf just happened?"

It’s the face of someone who has just been surprised for the first time in decades. This is the face of someone who has just had his shit rocked. This is the face of someone concerned about those he cares about and understanding far too late how easily a bulletproof exterior just got circumvented. This is the man who very suddenly feels unsafe and who is now going to take every action he can to regain control.

This is the man who just looked at the chess board for the first time in years and realised exactly how close to losing he truly is.

Obviously, I’m reading more into this than there probably is, but that expression is vague as all hell because he’s an animated character with too many eyes and a weird mouth shape. So, I’m reading into his character and extrapolating. That's what interpretation is, if you're understanding of that expression is different, more power to you.

“Thanks to my being respectless, one thing I’m starting to suspect is, you know why this angel’s headless. Do you have a disclosure?”

Velvette’s rhyming scheme twists as the song climbs to a resolution. Where it featured an ABAB pattern in the verse, pairing the first and third lines, and the second and fourth, the chorus was usually a singular rhyming couplet.

Now we have a series of the same sound played over and over again, while the drummer keeps getting more manic and crazier until…

Remember that scale thing? Here it's less pronounced. Velvette still looks up at Carmilla, but they take up the same amount of space in the shot. It's a stalemate.

“This meeting’s over!”

Carmilla has shut the troll up. She has turned off the computer, essentially. The argument is finished, she declared it a draw and there’s nothing Velvette can do about it.

Except is it a draw?

That built up tension has to go somewhere. You can’t just turn of the radio; the song still plays in your mind.

It would seem that Velvette’s brief appearance in the plot of the series has had a more significant impact than we give her credit for.

Final Thoughts

I think that, for the pacing of the musical, this song would have been better served by a scene of Carmilla killing the angel and one of her kids going “they can die?”

But that would sacrifice an absolute bop of a song, and I’m not going to wish for that in any situation. Also, Velvette’s actress, Lilli Cooper, is credited as an understudy/standby for Elphaba in Wicked, and that trumps all criticism for me. Wicked is the pinnacle of art, and nothing associated with it can ever be bad.

One thing though, why is Velvette’s design so boring? She could have had butterfly imagery, bearing in mind I live in Australia and the butterflies here will ambush you on a highway late at night and demand your money. She could have leaned into the social media imagery and been just about anything. But no, she’s a girl in a cool jacket and trousers.

Next week, I’ll be looking at More Than Anything, and the characterisation of the two protector characters in this series. So, stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

[drivingsideways]

Year-end discussion in the Indian film space was dominated by the success of controversial film maker Sandeep Reddy Vanga's latest offering of undiluted misogyny and rage, appropriately titled "Animal"; but the best commentary I've seen on failed fatherhood and violent, toxic masculinity this year comes in a 2 minute scene in Kaathal: The Core, where a wizened old man testifies quietly in a family court that yes, he always knew that his son is gay, and still coerced him into a heterosexual marriage.

Kaathal: The Core isn't a film without flaws; one could argue that it's the quintessential film made about queer people by straight allies- actually more interested in the reaction to queerness and the adjustment to queerness by cishets, than in queer lives; that it has a one dimensional view of the reality of queer living in India. It has its moments of what I call "educational speechifying" that feel tonally at odds with the rest of it, but again, this paternalism in Indian cinema of the self-consciously "progressive" variety isn't unfamiliar.

The ending feels a little trite, and some artistic choices- an actual rainbow in the sky appears as the two lovers drive off into the sunset of their newly liberated lives-feel particularly anvil-like- much like the ending of another of director Jeo Baby's films, The Great Indian Kitchen, which was an exploration of the brutality of Indian-flavoured patriarchy. In short: a movie filled with intricately and deliberately placed subtleties that occasionally - somewhat inexplicably-loses confidence in its audience, and chooses to remedy that by being a bit over the top.

But those are minor quibbles. This movie gutted me. The story revolves around a middle-aged closeted gay man from a small close knit village community in Kerala whose life- and the lives of those around him- is thrown into disarray when his wife of twenty years files for divorce citing his gayness as the reason for the breakdown of the marriage- a step she takes just as he's nominated as his party's candidate for the local elections. With this premise, you'd be forgiven for expecting the movie to be high decibel melodrama- and possibly a tragedy- from start to finish. Instead, it deliberately chooses the quieter route, the most tender one; while not flinching away from the grim realities of widespread homophobia, it portrays both individuals and a community who , in a moment of crisis, discover that they are better than they think they are. And it does this not from a jingoistic, self-congratulatory ethno-nationalist perspective- but from a place of genuine love- as a reminder and a beacon in these dark times.

All of this is anchored in some fantastic performances- Mammootty once more showing up to remind us why he's one of the greatest living actors in the world, and Sudhi Kozhikode as Thankan in what should be a multiple-award winning performance as his long time lover. I've rarely seen an actor make so much of their limited screen time. When I say that minutes 50-52 of this film are the most devastatingly tragic-romantic moments in world cinema, you'll think I'm exaggerating and perhaps I am, but I can also guarantee that you're going to want to rewatch that sequence at least ten times and cry about two old geezers in love. Lives were changed in those moments, no lie.

My one disappointment in terms of performances is Jyothika, playing Omana, the long suffering wife. Omana is one of the stand-outs in the history of female characters in Malayalam cinema, and Jyothika is- barely adequate. When you contrast it with a similar role - say Hsieh Ying -xuan's performance as Liu San-lian in Dear Ex (2018)- the flatness is even more jarring. Still, the sheer love with which her character and her relationships, especially with her husband, are written carry the film through.

Tl;dr: watch it on Amazon Prime or at a theatre near you! You will not regret it.

[writerfromthestars]

DC SHORT FIC : DAMIJON ANGST

It is dark when Jon holds him for the last time.

The dusk is deepening into twilit night, sky bruising purple like his love’s skin, darkness snuffing out the light in his emerald eyes, the ones that always mesmerized Jon to no end. 

He would stare at them for hours if he could, hands clasped together and time frozen at a standstill, infinity in perfect, flawless viridian.

He never realized how much emotion was in Damian’s eyes until it was gone, a spark destroyed, overtaken by too much shadow, not enough life left. The crystal clarity, sharp and cutting, analyzing him, is gone, a glazed expression to move no more.

Jon raises a hand to Damian’s face. He sweeps back a lock of hair that has fallen across his cheek, a brushstroke of ebony so similar to the ones he uses to shape faces on canvas. It’s soft, he realizes. Soft, and Jon leans down, burying his face in the space between his best friend’s neck and shoulder. Damian smells like dirt and blood and smoke and fire, but underneath there is an undercurrent of the shampoo he used this morning before they suited up and left for this mission. It’s Jon’s shampoo that Damian had taken a liking to. 

He wants to cry. To rage and scream and destroy, because what is the point of living if his love is dead, if the only one he’s ever truly needed, the only one who’d never leave him, is gone, gone to the one place Jon cannot reach, no matter how far or fast he flies.

His ears are ringing. He doesn’t know why. He’s invulnerable, after all.

Jon holds him close, like he did when they were young, Robin and Superboy, like he did when they were teenagers, Damian and Jon, like he does now, Batman and Superman, two halves of a whole, teammates and partners and best friends and lovers. Colleagues and roommates and supporters of each other. Sweethearts and admirers, paramours and beloveds. 

He holds him tight, a hug like the ones they give each other before they leave for patrol and an embrace like the ones when they reunite again. Like the ones he gave at sleepovers and on long stakeouts, beach days and picnics in the Metropolis Parks because Gotham was too dangerous for a date as civilians.

Jon kisses bloodstained lips and watches emerald fade, and then he stands up. 

He leaves his beloved’s side and he runs towards the enemy, a war cry to rival his father’s falling from his lips as tears carve tracks on bloody, muddy cheeks. 

The enemy falls. 

A green spear is thrown as he does, finding its target just a little off,  in a stomach instead of a heart. 

Jon goes back to Damian. The green of the glowing Kryptonite looks like his love’s eyes, and he smiles, a broken, ugly, beautiful thing. 

He pulls it out of his stomach and tosses it aside with human strength. He holds Damian as twilight fades to midnight, and the light is taken from electric, unnatural blue. 

Their families will find them, in the wee hours of the morning, and they will cry and scream and wail. 

It is of no avail, Fate and Death long run their course.

Before they leave, as Fate calls to her partner of eons, Death will raise their hand to their face and place something in the palm of the lover’s hands, an apology of sorts for two lives, two souls so perfect for each other, cut short.

None of their families will see the pearl, hidden in their intertwined hands. None but an Amazon. She will pluck the pearl from the pair and place it somewhere hidden, somewhere safe. Death does not cry for just anyone, after all.

[zahri-melitor]

Newish Comics:

Batman: The Brave and the Bold #12: It...just occurred to me this Gotham Academy era story is in fact a flashback/alternate continuity set probably shortly after Second Semester, because Alfred is alive and they go to the ordinary Cave. Which tracks with my usual hypothesis that everything happening in Gotham Academy is NOT actively connected to main continuity unless proven otherwise. Anyway, this again is proving that Maps isn't actually an active Robin in the main continuity, and right now she's appearing as Future!Meridian which is actually a cooler role for her, honestly.

I honestly haven't read much Gentleman Ghost so this was interesting? Nice to see a bit more than him just appearing in a group scene.

Artemis story remains excellent, apart from the tragic fact it intersected with the stupid current Wonder Woman plot. I do like that it's portraying the ridiculous level of overreach involved in the 'ban the Amazons' concept.

(for reference, they're currently in Qurac)

It's damning to me that every other person working around this storyline is building a more interesting narrative, but what can you do?

There's a Swamp Thing story and I loved it and I am getting closer and closer to going wild and starting a massive Swamp Thing read. It's some gorgeous conception of death though.

The henchman story is...fine, I guess? If you're a fan of looking at the socioeconomic dynamics of the Gotham hench crowd, it's probably up your alley.

The Flash #8: We can have Barry wondering how Wally does it all and Wally being central to the universe, as a treat.

Green Arrow #11: I am so torn on this title. I think its biggest crime is possibly being just a little TOO indulgent and juggling too many balls, rather than focusing in telling one or two of these stories in better detail.

Because. In terms of what Williamson is doing here, he's: reuniting the entire Arrow family for the first time since 2010 or so including bringing in peripheral characters like Cissie for the first time (but not Sin); he's given specific 'you're alive!' reunions for Roy and Lian, Ollie and Connor, Ollie and Mia, and so on, untangling situations where people simply didn't know the other was bopping around again; he's doing a lot of work setting up Waller for Absolute Power; he's giving us an excuse for why Green Arrow as a title has been off page for so long; he's making it a love fest for lovers of the Arrows by the list of artists involved, including multiple nostalgic favourites AND Sean Izaakse doing modern redesigns for everyone's costumes...and he's doing it in a title that was originally sold as a mini, expanded to a maxi, and then finally given an ongoing.

I think, honestly, the title is overwhelmed with too many goals crammed in just in case this was the only Green Arrow story we got for the next however long.

And equally, while being overly ambitious in terms of what it wants to achieve, the plot itself is moving at a glacial pace and is pretty underwhelming, in that there simply isn't time and space to devote to plot when the title is also busy juggling "has everyone seen that Lian and Connor are alive yet?" and flashbacks to re-establish everyone's connections to Ollie, and explanations to retcon previous behaviour, and and and...

I think it would be less frenetic if it had been signed off from the beginning as an ongoing, so the book could have just gone "5 issue story, followed by a Roy and Lian reunion issue, followed by 5 issue story, followed by an issue that's about Ollie finding the house full again and juggling kids moving back in," and so on.

All that said, I do think it's a good title to give to someone who's curious about Green Arrow as a title as an intro to get them interested and excited about the range of characters involved. I just don't think it's showcasing the best of Green Arrow storylines well.

And that's okay! But I think it's trying to achieve the reset that say Jeremy Adams' Flash gave the Flash books, without having the space and pacing that Adams had over 33 issues to achieve his final goal.

Oh, the actual story this issue? It’s Merlyn trying a bit hard to convince everyone he’s really one of Ollie’s biggest foes (typical Merlyn).

This made me laugh however:

Love that Izaakse specifically decided to use a bunch of particularly mid to sucky Dinah and Roy costume choices here and didn’t include their best costumes. You’ve got my back.

The Warlord #49: This week in the Lost Land of Skartaris, Shakira bets Travis that he can't go an entire story without using his gun.

They proceed to investigate a mysterious castle, where Travis and Shakira are avoiding traps and seeing skeletons. They end up defeating a mummy.

Travis, apparently unmoved by the promise of large piles of gold. He lives only for war!!!

But then...a leopard jumps out at them! Travis reacts and shoots it!

Sucks to be you, Travis.

Also we get a check in with Jennifer, who while asleep in her bed in the mysterious new castle encounters...a head-hand man?

Nightmare is a good description, yes.

Also we had a freaking Mongo Ironhand story running in the bottom panels of each page, that contained Legally Not Gollum.

Gollum's 'pretty' is a book of magic, which turns him into a demon known as the Evil One.

Also there's a Claw the Unconquered backup, which is pretty ordinary, but this particular panel is just some beautiful art.

[cuntyglam]

one piece characters that i desperately need more of

buckle up. this is a long post because i’m gonna pick one from almost every arc i’ve seen so far. i’m an absolute fiend for characters with little to no screen time, so this is my way of showing love to some of the minor characters from one piece !!

koby

i know he shows up from time to time, but i would really like more of him. he’s so sweet and cute and i’m a kobylu truther and i need him to give up being a tool of the state so he can sail the seas with his boyfriend and his boyfriend and his boyfriend and-

vivi

i know she eventually shows up again, but i so badly wish she joined the straw hats. this list is kinda becoming “characters i wish were straw hats/that i ship with straw hats,” but i promise a lot of the characters are here for other reasons besides those two !! but yes, namivivi is so real it hurts. i remember virtually mourning the loss of vivi when she didn’t join the strawhats, even though i knew it was coming. i will rep namivivi til the day i die.

wyper

wyper is the reason i made this list. he means everything to me. he is the best native rep i have seen in anime and it hurts me how under loved he is in the fandom. people call him annoying or too violent but he perfectly captures the rage that builds when people have had to live under colonization for generations. he is so close to my heart and i’m slowly starting a collection for him so i can make a wyper ita bag !! i just want to see more of him, whether he show up to say hi to the strawhats every hundred eps or so, or if they cut back to skypeia to show how they’re doing, i just miss him so much. anyone who says to skip skypiea is at best stupid and at worst a racist freak that hates native people.

kiwi & mozu

these literal queens are the other reason i made this list. i love them so much and they’re just so funny. they’re amazing sisters and i wish we could see more of them !!

cindry

she is adorable and so so tragic. i don’t necessarily wish she continued showing up in the series, i just wish we had more of her in thriller bark. they don’t really explain the whole “her body remembers who she was even though her soul is gone” thing and i wish they explored that more. she’s also absolutely hilarious and i wish she was more loved in the fandom, despite how small a character she is (though i know she does have a few die hards).

shakky

she’s just literally so cool. she’s gorgeous and her relationship with rayleigh is amazing. they love each other so much but they both give each other enough space to do pretty much whatever they want !! their relationship seems to be somewhat canonically open since she flirts with brooke and i just think she’s a really cool character. also she used to be queen of amazon lily ?!?? how fucking cool is that !!

queen iva

i know her legal name, but most of her friends call her iva so i will too. she is a star, and i absolutely love her. i want more of her so bad, i want her to be a reoccurring character and I WANT IT NOW. not much else to say, she just slays so hard.

madam shyarley

why was she such a minor character ? she had such a cool character design, is the sister (i’m not sure if by blood or by adoption/found family) of arlong, and has fortune telling powers, for what ?!?? three episodes ?!?? a tragedy. she deserved better.

aaaand now we’re all caught up !! i haven’t finished punk hazard yet so i’m going to finish here !! i’ll try to remember to do another one of these once i’m caught up !!

[hollyschit]

“I will orbit around you”

Author’s note: while i did want to try write these oneshots/stories without an mc name, I decided that I prefer to write with naming my characters. So introducing Lila.

I choose Lila because it’s derived from lilac which as we all know is purple. So borahae BTS and here is to my favourite guys.

Also this fic engages with littlespace and caregivers. Please familiarizr yourself with the concept before commenting.

Soft purple lights flitted around the nursery to draw out an elaborate galaxy, as Lila slept soundly with a bunny tucked under arm. Space and the galaxy was one of Lila’s newfound interests since Namjoon and Jungkook took her to the plantetarium to see the pretty planets and stars.

—planetarium—

While the trip had been kept very lowkey with both caregivers downing many layers of clothing from jackets to masks to hats and sunglasses indoors, the heat of their outfits inside the poorly air conditioned planetarium was worth it when seeing their angel smile and bounce around the place in excitement.

There she recited all the planets (in order of course) as her daddy Joonie taught her with her special love for pluto or 13430.

As she sat in the planetarium in between her two daddies immersed in the 4D film about planets and the galaxy, she wondered about something and asked:

“Daddy why is pluto not a planet” she looked up at her daddy Joonie as they looked up at the display screen upon hearing the narrator say that pluto was no longer considered a planet.

He always had all the answers in that smart head of his and Lila had always loved that one of her daddies would be answer all her whys and hows.

“Well Lila, because Pluto is too small to be considered a planet, so it’s a star, like my little stargirl” he explained copying her sentence structure to help her understand.

“But if being little makes me a star then does that mean kookie dada and daddy Joonie are big planets like Jupiter and Saturn?” She questioned suddenly no longer interested in the big screen.

“Yes my smart girl, daddies are the planets but you’re not just any little star, you’re a special star. The one we all orbit. Do you remember what that star is called?” Namjoon asked in his musing baby voice reserved for Lila.

“The sun daddy!! I’m the sun” giggled Lila as she pointed to herself excitedly because she knew the answer.

“Exactly sunshine, you are daddies sun and we’ll always orbit you because we love you.” Joon replied, taking her fingers and kissing each of them.

Satisfied with that answer, Lila refocused on the film, not knowing her daddies newfound focus on her. Namjoon smiled down as he glimpsed at Jungkook who listened to the entire interaction smiling as the caregivers tuned out the rest of the film and instead watched their star instead.

—present—

After that, Jungkook had obsessed himself with finding a galaxy nightlight to commemorate the trip but after multiple amazon orders and shopping trips, he (but mostly the other daddies) decided that none of those lights were good enough for their darling.

Some of them looked more like strobe lights which made it difficult for Lila to fall asleep and instead excited her too close to bedtime, making Jin work overtime to get her to sleep and Namjoon to exhaust his bedtime story supply. Others were fine but Tae, the ever expensive daddy deigned them “cheap-looking” and not fitting with the soft and luxurious aesthetic of the nursery which he and Yoongi had designed so naturally they too had to go.

This was the problem with having so many caregivers, everyone had an input into what was best for Lila and they all had different tastes and aesthetics so safe to say it was difficult sometimes. But Jungkook understood and he gave in to Lila’s other daddies, and looked for more galaxy lights.

Eventually Jungkook was at his wits end and muttered that he’d “just make one myself” after throwing out what must have been the 30th galaxy light.

So make that’s exactly what he went and did. He contacted manufacturers, drew up original designs, made tweaks here and there just to make it perfect for his star.

At one point he even decided that the galaxy did not look good enough for his angel so he took matters into his own hands and sketched up his own version of a galaxy, mapping out each star and colour just for the lamp.

It was a surprise to all the other members how dedicated he was to making this happen, sparing every moment between recording, interviews and practice to sketch up new revisions or call manufacturers. Eventually, Yoongi wondered if this was something ARMYs would like as well so he proposed the idea to Jungkook, and he initially said no since this was his passion project for his babygirl but later decided that it wouldn’t be the worse idea to lower economies of scale and gift ARMYs with a special gift he created. So that’s how the artist collection came about. And how Lila now had a custom galaxy light.

She truly was their sun.

Don’t forget to comment. I’ll be taking in requests for ideas so I don’t mind writing up new stuff

[sloshed-cinema]

Tár (2022)

If Mahler stated that a symphony should be the world, then Lydia Tár’s professional symphony is crumbling around her.  This is a story of grooming and professional corruption, about using power to take advantage of others and exploit them for what you desire.  Yet Todd Field resisted the urge to make a simple Harvey Weinstein type story, opting instead to use the incredibly specific and incredibly dense palette of classical music and the orchestral industry as his palette.  The movie doesn’t hold the viewer’s hand in the least; from moment one, references and nods are flying fast and loose, calling out everyone from Furtwängler and Karajan to Marin Alsop and Michael Tilson Thomas.  Hildur Guðnadóttir plays a clever double-role, mentioned by name alongside peers such as Jennifer Higdon but also furnishing elements of the diegetic and non-diegetic soundscape.  Extended rehearsal sequences in Tár’s pidgin German play out free of subtitles.  The minutiae of orchestral union proceedings are debated time and again.  All of these references, all of this time, all of this vocabulary is necessary to establish the zealous obsession that surrounds the craft for Tár.  She has crafted her whole identity around being the next soothsayer of the Western canon, the protégée of Bernstein himself.  More importantly, it’s a veneer of legitimacy.  It’s clear from the start that the maestro is less than “politically correct”: a dressing-down of a Juilliard student regarding his opinions on contemporary art music and views on Bach steps beyond the pale of a misguided tough love approach and more into the territory of personal attack.  But this is a pattern.  Fields approaches the everyday administrative details of Tár’s life with the same meticulousness.  Insidious little instances begin to float to the surface, indicating a predatory tendency that others notice and become increasingly intolerant toward.  The camera lingers on Lydia’s assistant Francesca as she lip-syncs her boss’s plaudits during a public interview, casts furtive glances or begins to wonder why she’s being asked certain things.  Even the matter of handing over a laptop becomes a dangerous prospect.  And the conductor’s wife and colleague, concertmaster Sharon Goodnow, becomes increasingly disillusioned with Tár’s actions as a new affair begins to become apparent in newcomer cellist Olga.  In this sense, the deliberate and clinical handling of camera in many scenes begins to build a case against the maestro, feeling in beats almost akin to The Assistant.  A specific event involving a fellow for a program Tár started for women conductors lingers in the shadows, eluded to but never fully elucidated.  Krista Taylor had no prospects in the field after Tár torpedoed her career.  The maestro insists this was due to Taylor’s mental instability, but other evidence suggests that there was a revenge aspect to this.  The fantasy life of private jets and book talks can be ripped away so quickly.

And yet the fantasy of it all does have its place in the tapestry of this narrative.  As with music, there is room for ambiguity here, space to interpret.  Especially in the back half of the film, Field calls into question Tár’s state of mind through her troubled dreams and strange nocturnal discoveries.  Distorted images of the women in her life haunt her, intertwined with moments in the Amazon recalling her past ethnomusicological work.  Yet as things begin to unravel and Tár loses the thread, the nature of objective reality becomes more tenuous.  As with the scandal reveal, it’s subtle at first.  In her rehearsal home, the maestro is haunted by a persistent doorbell sound, which heartbreakingly later turns out to be the elderly woman next door in distress.  The legacy of Krista Taylor’s fallout and eventual suicide comes in the form of labyrinthine drawings which appear in gift book inscriptions, metronome faces, or formed in clay in her adoptive daughter’s room.  Just where these come from or who makes them is never made explicit, but that doesn’t make them any less haunting for Tár.  As she courts Olga, or seduces her, the cellist becomes ever more disillusioned with Tár just as she becomes more elusive.  At one point, Tár chases Olga into the seemingly abandoned building where she perhaps resides, only to find the cellist vanished, seemingly a figment of her imagination.  Descending into the basement, she instead finds a fox or a wolf, her predatory nature turning back on her.  Ghosts haunt the periphery. By the time it has all fallen away, she rushes onto the stage mid-performance, attacking her impostor, claiming the score for herself.  It’s her work, she alone can interpret it.  Utterly fallen from grace, the final sequences play out like a sort of bizarro-world fantasy.  New York is no longer a place of glamour, but an ugly outer borough rail station, everything drab and grey and muddy.  Her final gig is the coup de grace.  She is engaged to perform a Japanese work for a Southeast Asian concert hall.  The final shot is a bitterly funny punch in the gut: she’s at the bottom of the barrel, performing video game music for a rapt audience of cosplayers.  Goodbye haughty, lofty concert halls.  

Noémie Merlant, Nina Hoss, and Sophie Kauer all turn in strong, nuanced performances.  But Cate Blanchett is the obvious powerhouse here.  She’s fun as the haughty, dismissive maestro who knows just how it’s all done.  This makes her fall all the more pathetic, not even able to see her daughter.  It’s a late scene which cements just how hard this has all hit her, and a brilliant piece of acting from Blanchett.  Sitting alone at her old family home in New York with a childhood field hockey medal around her neck, Tár watches a recording of one of Leonard Bernstein’s Young People’s Concerts where he describes how music can be used to communicate ideas words cannot.  Her face says it all: this is her whole world still, but now she no longer can access it, by her own hand.  She controlled time with her baton, but she cannot control others in the same fashion.

THE RULES

PICK ONE

Select either MAHLER FIVE or the ELGAR CELLO CONCERTO and sip whenever that work is mentioned.

SIP

Someone name-drops a composer or conductor.

The narrative transitions to a new city.

Lydia calls someone a robot.

A scene contains a language other than English spoken in dialogue.

BIG DRINK

A labyrinth is drawn on something.

Tár cuts off the orchestra during rehearsal.

[b-movie-mondays]

B Movie Mondays

Llamageddon (NR, 2015) Amazon - Tubi Run Time: 1h 9m Watches: 6 IMDB Rating: 3.8/10 My Rating: 🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈 Word Count: 725

A cinematic masterpiece. Perhaps one of the only movies I’ll ever review to get all five sharks. Unironically one of my favorite films of all time. Comedic genius. 

What’s good about Llamageddon isn’t that it’s good; no, this movie is awful, but it has charm. It’s funny. It’s endearing. It ever gets old. There isn’t a boring scene in this godforsaken film. Llamageddon knows what it is. It’s a self-aware, on-purpose, B-movie-with-no-budget. That’s why I love it! The 6 watches is an estimate, because I’ve probably watched this movie countless times. Enough about my praises, let's get into the meat and potatoes of the 2015 Sci-Fi horror comedy “Llamageddon”.

Llamageddon follows the story of 20-something siblings Floyd and Mel, along with Mel’s friends, who she invited to their deceased grandparents’ home. How did their grandparents die you may ask yourself? A killer llama from outer space, of course! That’s right; the villain of this movie is a space-llama with laser eyes. 

The film starts with a lovely animated sequence of the killer llama planet, in which we see our Killer Llama (played by animal actor Louie the Llama) crash landing on planet Earth. Killer Llama, who I’ll be calling “KL” for short, wanders onto the property of MeeMaw and Pep Pep, our protagonists' grandparents. MeeMaw and Pep Pep assume the llama belongs to one of their neighbors…which turns out to be a grave mistake. MeeMaw and Pep Pep are brutally murdered. Shenanigans ensue.

Mel is a popular party girl and Floyd is a nerd. They really make sure you know this man is a loser in this film. It is referenced constantly. Floyd is cringe-fail. Floyd is a little meow meow. He is sopping wet and pathetic. I want to throw him around like a football. I want to put him in the washing machine and watch him spin. He’s like a milk-soaked Webkinz cat to me. 

Our two protagonists are joined by Mel’s friends, and all of them are incredible. The characters in this movie are just so strange and lovely. They’re flat yet 3-dimensional at the same time. My personal favorite is Dan, who changes his shirt 23 times throughout the whole movie. Let it be very clear that I don’t mean he changes his shirt on camera, but rather every time he’s on screen he’s wearing a new one. The first time it happens you think “Hey, look at this little inconsistency thing that happened” but  once you get up to about 5 you start anticipating and looking forward to it. 

Now the cast doesn’t particularly matter because save for Mel and Floyd, everyone dies. I like to try to make sure my reviews are at least somewhat spoiler free, so if you decide to watch it for yourself there’s at least some surprise, but this is just something that needs to be said. They all die. There are so many very, very absurd and over the top deaths that it’s laughable. Remember the game Dumb Ways To Die? It’s like that. Sometimes it's in a car explosion, sometimes it’s getting electrocuted in the jacuzzi, sometimes it’s getting shot after turning into a semi-sentient llama-man and laying tons of fuzzy alien llama eggs (yes, that really happens). You never know. KL spares no one. 

Llamageddon’s soundtrack is something worth mentioning as well. There is an original song created specifically for the movie played at the end of the film and it’s…kind of a bop? It goes kind of hard? I don’t want to sing too many praises to Llamageddon but this movie really does have it all. There’s no trope that goes untouched. It’s truly a masterpiece of cinema. 

Honestly writing this was a tad hard because there’s just so much that happens and so much to talk about. I don’t like posting super long reviews because I feel like no one reads them, but holy shit. I could write about this movie for hours and hours and hours. There’s just too much to touch on. I really can’t recommend you watch it enough. Get some friends to do it with though. I assure you this movie is a million times funnier if you’re subjecting someone to it. Have fun making your loved ones turn to you in confusion and concern and ask, “What the fuck are you making me watch?” 

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I am not going to read the Vogue piece, but I thought this essay on it was pretty funny -

It will never cease to morbidly fascinate me how the ultra-wealthy, despite having every resource at their disposal, will never be able to buy Authentic Coolness. We are so normal, this story’s subjects seem to be yelling, look at us in our normal 400,000-acre ranch in West Texas drinking margaritas, talking about our blended families and our friendship with the Kardashian-Jenners!

The patina of normalcy and chillness does not, shockingly, last much longer than it takes to read the story. Because all the while they are talking about driving their kids to school, attending work meetings, driving down to Tijuana for supposed philanthropic endeavors, and calling their siblings, we, the people who live in the real world and not a universe in which there exists a “salt genie” (read the story), cannot help but think, this man owns Amazon Web Services, a platform that hosts not only companies but major governments, their agencies, and financial institutions around the world; this man owns the Washington Post, one of the most widely-circulated newspapers in the country, in a continuing conflict of interest to which the government did not see fit to object; this man is not an insignificant enemy of the rising labor movement in America; and this man pays a lower tax rate than most of us. And somehow, despite all this, he and his fiancée are the recipients of Vogue puff pieces.

No? Apologies, maybe that’s what I was thinking as I absorbed these words and pictures. It is so nakedly needy, this contradictory yearning both for recognition as a Titan of Business and as One of the People. It is almost too revelatory, like we’re reading Jeff and Lauren’s journals (the ones they get to “like, three times a week”) without permission. I can picture their publicists meeting with Anna Wintour, convincing her — as they clearly did — that this would be a marketable love story. And to be fair, we are talking about it, but God, at what cost? Why be so public? Why, when even among your cohort of billionaires, you are particularly problematic, would you call so much attention to yourself? Much like we’ve all noticed with Elon Musk and his parade of mistakes, it is evident that there is no one in the Bezos-Sánchez circle to shake their head when they spout off insane and damaging-to-the-brand ideas. They either haven’t a clue how they are perceived or they simply do not care. I’m not sure which is worse.

There were so many insane quotes in this story, I almost blacked out while reading it. My brain could simply not catch up to or even fully compute what my eyes were seeing. You should absolutely read the full story, which naturally serves as a very thinly-veiled advertisement for Bezos's and Sánchez's many brands and enterprises, if only to see the below quotes in context — context that does not, I promise you, make the words any more sensical.

“… The phrase “Love you to space and back,” a favorite saying between Sánchez and Bezos, embroidered in her lilting cursive.” (The couple’s focus on space is both childish and almost mind-numbing, as if, by their calculations and without acknowledging their own role in its destruction, earth is already lost and no longer a concern of theirs.)

“Sánchez uses a mug Bezos got her from Amazon, with the words “Woke up sexy as hell again” splashed across the side.” (In another life, Jeff Bezos was a TJ Maxx mom.)

“Sánchez is also a big audiobook fan—she’s deep into Chop Wood Carry Water: How to Fall in Love with the Process of Becoming Great.” (About this, what can I tell you that you are not already thinking?)

“On the weekends Bezos makes churros in his deep fryer, a recipe passed down from his Cuban grandfather. ‘Abuelo made churros whenever we were with him,’ says Bezos.” (Not Jeff Bezos remembering he’s Latino!! Not this! Amigues, we do not claim him.)

“Collins counts Sánchez as a close friend (they have a pickleball crew) and describes how in “deep COVID” Sánchez called her at 6:20 a.m. wanting to help.” (If a so-called friend called me at 6:20 a.m. claiming to want to help, the first step towards that journey would be deleting my number.)

“‘I made her vulnerable and soft,’ says Bezos with more than a hint of pride.” (Reader, I gagged (derogatory).)

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Wrong message.

I really, really, don't want to start a new controversy, but I don't care if it does.

It has occur to me that Wonderbat, besides all the logistic impediments it raises, it makes absolutely no sense in the life and upbringing of Diana of Themyscira. Her culture taught her not to trust in men and the Patriarch's World. Unfortunately, Bruce Wayne and specially Batso are the epitome of what that represents, talking about toxic masculinity, so she doesn't have any reason to even look at him in a friendly, least of all a romantic way. She can work with him as a colleague, with reservations, but not much more than that.

Besides, Bruce's critical part of his secret identity comes from posing as a disolute playboy, womanizer and alcoholic. This works for Tony Stark because he is all that. Not Bruce. How long do you think Diana will put up with that? How do you think her mother will tolerate this situation: the utmost public humiliation of her daughter by a male pig?

In better times, Diana ascended to Olympus to take her place as the Goddess of Truth.

Yet, nothing about Bruce is real: his face is a mask. His body is an armor. His strength is usually enhanced by gadgets. He needs vehicles to move around. His identity is a fake, he even thinks his god given face is a fake and his mask is the real thing. He must constantly keep his fragile mind in check so he doesn't fall into madness. He needs life support to go into space or underwater. Diana, pretty much like Superman with Lane, can only go as far with him as his technology allows him to.

Yeah, you'd probably say Bruce doesn't really chase after women and doesn't really drink. How long do you think he can pretend before one of those scorched women finds out and and blows the whistle and sends Bruce's secret down the drain. People can also think Diana took pity on his personal tragedy and background and fell for him as a charity erra nd, but that doesn't work either since he's nothing but an asshole all the time.

All situations between Diana and Bruce require by unspoken accord Bruce acts like the dominant partner...just because of who he is and nobody wants his ego bruised because Wonder Woman publicly challenged his authority.

She must adapt to him, even though she's light years ahead of him. Have in mind Diana is not Clark, she doesn't giva shit about his public image and these are woke times and women must be respected, even by Batso. Ain't it right, girls?

Batso fans love these scenes

A smug bruce scolding a submissive Diana. How long will modern society tolerate them? Why would she, a proud Amazon, even submit to a man weaker than her? An emotionally unstable man at that?

Answer that to me, woke girls, please.

You may say Diana abandoned her home chasing after a man. Truth is she went after her desire to knew the world and to help in a dire international conflict which promptly would've reached her home, knowing nazi ambition of wanting to conquer the whole planet. It was just a matter of time before they do it if action wasn't adopted. Diana decide to adopt it. No, it wasn't because of a man: Trevor was the catalyst, the one who opened her eyes to the global situation (Yeah: the emotional woman couldn't resist a man's charm, and had to follow him) just the excuse, so readers at the time could understand it. Diana was adamant, though, she would have no permanent relation with him until peace on Earth wasn't achieved

Then why would she put up with Bruce. Because he's smarter? He's not. Because he's tougher? He's not.

But he IS just human. Only human. She's a lot more than that. Marston created Wonder Woman in an age there wasn't any respect for women, yet, he made her an early femenist icon. No surprise there: he had to respond to two women at home. Some may look it like he was a dominant Alpha having two spouses to serve him. Knowing women, I think he was just the Boy-Toy of the two women and an outstanding efficient provider for their household, so they kept him.

Diana is an independent woman, even being a princess. She had no problem leaving her lavish lifestyle to pursue her goals, all alone in a hostile world, with odds unfairly against her. Bruce can't do anything without having an entourage of people serving him all the time. He's a CEO, after all. We all know how those jerks are.

All in all, the relationship between Diana and Bruce sends a wrong message about Wonder Woman and what she represents. When she's besides him, she's is no longer a strong woman but another teen fangirling for the Bat and he playing the annoyed tough male who can get all the women, so he doesn't want any.

She no longer takes the decisions, because he has to be in charge all the time. She has to be at his service, so he can function. Like everything in Wayne's Manor, she must indulge his every whim or endure another one of his tantrums. She must blindly accept the bratty spoiled child he had with another woman. Not a request from his part, but an imposotion. Like I've said: she must adapt to him. He's incapable to adapt to things other of what he has already planned.

It seems like a lot to me. Why all the burden must be put on Wonder Woman? I couldn't, wouldn't accept that Wonder Woman, I can't respect her.

I no longer give a fuck about DC Comics and their stupid decisions. I care about the fans and their rather low standards, but that too isn't my problem anymore.