#why is my anxiety at an all time high??? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sk3l3t0n444 · 11 months

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i left my room to piss and get a drink and im am shaking like im being hunted for sport wtf

#why is my anxiety at an all time high???#i would like to be normal please!#my anxiety is so bad that i wont even let myself eat at all because im scared that someone poisoned the food...thats not logical at all ik #hell even getting some ginger ale was so hard for me...i have to keep reminding myself that theres nobody who is trying to brainwash me #i saw my door cracked open so i know someone was in my room...and im trying to be reasonable but its so hard when my anxiety is so bad...#as in i am trying to tell myself that nobody put razorblades in your bed and nobody poisoned your drink and nobody is trying to control you #nobody put cameras around your room nobody filled the house with gas and is going to set it on fire nobody put a tracking device on you...#im so paranoid for no reason...well there is a reason...but i honestly dont want to talk about it...and ill talk about anything...#so me saying i dont wanna talk about it is a huge indicator that its not very good...at all...#as in i cant talk about it with anybody...not even my closest friend knows...nobody knows...its just my secret that ill die with #there are a few secrets about my past that ill take to my grave...and thats saying something cuz i use humor to cope and i cant even joke...#im just a kid...and ive been to hell and back and i just want a fucking break...#idfk i just want to be normal...#sorry for venting so much im just kinda a mess...shits been really hard recently cuz of a ton of shit that i still dont wanna talk about #idfk sorry

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semiotomatics · 1 year

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i have a ~dream question~

#this has been an original post #my pollies #polls #dreams #driving #i realized today that while im obvs not the driver in my dreams im also not specifically on public transit most of the time #im just. a passenger #no concept of other passengers or a driver or even what kind of vehicle it is #my dream logic is very much ''if its not relevant to the situation who cares''#also ''why generate actual human beings when you can just have the vague sense that a place is populated''#idk why im thinking abt this this morning specifically since last nights dreams didnt even involve being in a vehicle #not the ones i remember anyway #i was just thinking abt patterns in my dreams in general #cause my brain does this weird thing where in all my anxiety dreams im living in the apt i lived in through elementary + part of high school #like yes its the place ive spent the most time in but also. i havent lived there in TWELVE YEARS #and i mean i did hate that place but its not like ALL my trauma was experienced there #its just weird #dreams are weird #clouds dreams

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feelingtheaster99 · 5 months

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I CANNOT stop thinking about Fig’s conversation with her mom… specifically when Fig talked about how she didn’t like to be asked about herself or have attention focused on herself and that’s why she often becomes other people

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brown-little-robin · 8 months

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あ

#Robin processes emotions on main #already I am struggling with studying Japanese #not with the language itself so much. I'm making progress on that #but with this horrible kind of anxiety #I writhe not being the best at things that I'm trying to do. I writhe wondering if I should just give up.#this is why I had a horrible time studying Greek in high school as well: can't know it well enough fast enough #it's like I'm dying a little every day convincing myself no it's FINE not to know everything right away. it's OKAY.#it's okay if you stop learning Japanese in the future and it's okay if you keep learning Japanese. it's okay it's okay it's—#hhhhhhhhhhhh #it's such a complicated language it's making my stomach hurt right now thinking about how I want to learn kanji but it's So Much #and I don't know HOW to learn it #I've never really learned a language before (Greek does NOT count) and I'm learning all the complexities of the Japanese language and going #going oh....... this is........ actually extremely much...... and I'm never going to be a native speaker.......#I'm trying So Hard to embrace dying a little to my perfectionism every day but it's HARD. WAILS #No one Told me learning a language would make me want to cry because it's simply impossible to master!!!!#WAH!!!!#I'm trying to keep sight of the fact that it's not about my pride it's about having fun and embracing Small challenge and Small rewards #I really do feel so happy every time I recognize a word or understand the grammar when watching anime #it's just thinking about the Entire language that's psyching me out #Robin learns Japanese

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hplonesomeart · 5 days

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More animation frame screenshots whoop whoop! I swear it’s almost comedic how he’s managed to hijack my YouTube channel and gain me a baffling amount of new subscribers from OUT OF NOWHERE WHA- someone needs to stop him before this happens again I’m scared /j. It’s been fun watching the numbers increase in real time if not a tad overwhelming, but thankfully it mostly makes me feel appreciative more than anything else. Hopefully it’s made people laugh or helped inspired others <3

I would have talked myself out of sharing it otherwise…so glad I made the right decision with posting there. Took a leap of faith and now I feel validated for doing so. I just hope that I’m doing the characters justice even if adding my own unique spin on it. Plus gotta take a step back and remind myself that viewership isn’t what makes the world go round. Wouldn’t want the numbers getting to my head this early on and intervening with my creative visions jksjskp! I get easily influenced sometimes so finding a healthy balance for it is key :))

In meantime enjoy the facial doodles I love drawing expressions hehe

#yeah so funny enough might have just had another character growth moment here with myself YIPEEE #turns out I was the one holding myself back for so long #which honestly shouldn’t be a suprise for me but here we are <<#but I felt conditioned to suppress my interests from others and can’t even pinpoint why that was? Or how it started?#it’s just been something I’ve grown to struggle with throughout middle school & high school #think I internalized being a people pleaser and acting the role of who others perceived me to be?#NO CLUE we don’t got enough time for a therapy session *throws it all out the window*#point being that FINALLY I’ve broken out of that cycle #and with the success of the animation I’m finally realizing ‘HUH wait it’s actally a good thing to share nerdy fanart?’#because I labeled myself as an exception who couldn’t be allowed to do that #moral of story: anxiety messes with you and limits your creative freedom #you just need to stop caring about how others will react and GO FOR IT!! Because in reality you won’t be ridiculed for doing so #it’s just that we are so self critical and one of our biggest fans/haters all at once #but sharing fanart is perfectly acceptable and fun to do. Don’t limit yourself from doing something you want to <3 #wip frames #wip animation frames #hplonesome art

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sucktacular · 2 months

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I miss the days where existing online was a fun thing for ppl with social anxiety to make friends on instead of like Life 2.0 ya know

#sucktacular sucks #this is literally about nothing im just like #so tired. im tired all the time. being online was my lil fun escape place #but now itslike #DID YOU KNOW HORRIBLE THING HAPPENED AND IF YOU ARENT PAYING ATTENTION #YOURE AWFUL AND ALSO THIS OTHER STUFF DONT DO IT BUT YOU #HAVE TO DO THIS THING OR ILL SEND YOU DEATH THREATS #or YOU DID XYZ OR LIKE XYZ THAY MEANS YOURE EVIL AND AWFUL #and its like #i know this stuff existed still back then but also #i just miss making movie maker slide shows #and having funny fake cyber sex in gaia online towns with my friends that i dont #know anything about and will never meet #like i could probably still exist in that closed off little world if i tried harder #but like maaaaann its just rough #i log in and get bombarded with information #i have no money i dont go outside and i want to be left alone except for my friends #i dont want to be anyone and i dont want to do anything #and Yet #my anxiety is on high alert every hour of everyday #anyone else wanna just exist and enjoy stuff or be a hater but it not be A Big Thing #again literally about nothing just like #i have an anxiety disorder and i know existing is already hard #but man online gonna make it hard now too huh #ewie #anyway i do miss my death note mutuals but i cant even socialize with my besties these days #cuz im too anxious and one little trip up and im gonna explode and die frankly #working on it #HOW THE HELL DID WE WIND UP LIKE THIS #AND WHY WERENT WE ABLE... TO SEE THE SIGNS THAT WE MISSED. AND TRY AND TURN THE TABLES

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tamagotchikgs · 3 months

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i just woke up n i feel so bad both mentally and physically i dont know whats going on

#this is the worst ive felt in so long #my anxiety is at a an all time high it is fully governing my brain rn all i can think about is everything i did wrong socially yesterday #i feel nauseous in my body n my head #just ag.u..... i want it to end i want it gone #it feels like my heart is attacking me frm inside #im also still sososo tired i dont know why i woke up so early it's only 3am #im gonna try n smoke myself into falling back to sleep i guess o(-<#i just want 2 cry everything hurts #i also woke up w bad acid reflux i think because i forgot to eat yesterday except for a cherry coke #i miss when i used to be able to do that regularly #i miss when my body allowed me 2 treat it like shit #i cant even drink water it hurts so bad o(-<

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floydsmuse · 2 months

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#having to mentally prepare yourself to see your loved one be sick has my stomach in knots #i had a cry this morning which helped relieve some bottled up feelings and stress #but my anxiety is at an all time high #and i feel so nauseous #i wish this was all some twisted nightmare #that i could just wake up from #i just want everything to go back to normal #it’s gonna be hell for the next year or so #i’m terrified and want all of this to be over #i’ll never understand why bad things happen to good people

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s0ckh3adstudios · 8 months

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Hey random but if there's anything I'm ever somehow being disrespectful about or saying incorrectly or doing wrong things, PLEASE let me know because chances are I have absolutely no idea. Because the last thing I want to do is something disrespectful or offensive

#i guess I'm thinking about this because like #there's the whole thing where people are misusing the term of autism i guess and even just equating it to normal weird quirks #and making these jokes and such #and there was all this stuff i knew but I don't know how much is legit #i thought i was on the autism spectrum for a long time #I still wonder but #i did do some dumb little quizzes for a dr (who didn't even normally do stuff like this i think) and the results were that I'm not hut who #knows of the accuracy #and it left me feeling bad because a lot of traits of myself i thought were similar to being on the autism spectrum #and even then i think I'm weird and have weird traits in general and was discouraged i didn't have like. a reason for why I'm weird the way #i am. and if I'm not i really don't want to be saying anything i shouldn't. before I was just mostly following what everyone around me was #saying #am i allowed to say hyperfixations?? can i have those if I'm not? because i definitely have those #i don't want to make any ignorant jokes or statements #who knows if i sit anywhere on that spectrum (even my mom thinks i do) but if i don't. i just want to be careful #i do have very high anxiety AND ocd if that means anything #those are confirmed #sock talk

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orcelito · 1 month

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Actually we r at 6 months now without any major deaths in my life, which is great! That's the longest I've gone without any major deaths since last May! The second longest was 4 months between July and November last year. Wow !

#speculation nation #negative/#i mean not exactly but also. ya kno.#really i dealt with death after death in may july november and the biggest in february #actually i think my great grandma died within the span between july and november. but i wasnt close with her & dont remember when #so idk if id count that. if i did then the longest would be 3 months. between november and february.#all this is to say. wow what a Fucking year last year was huh #i still dont rly feel like i have much trust in people staying alive in my life.#but maybe im a bit less scared of even more people in my life suddenly dropping dead.#... then again now i apparently have something wrong with my liver. which i am still not happy about.#the only reason why im not dying of anxiety is bc i still feel relatively normal overall.#but i also just remembered how. well. 28 has Long been my unlucky number. and im turning 28 next year.#so ive been half convinced im just gonna die when im 28. bc thatd be just my luck wouldnt it #and like overall theres no real reason why i Would die at that age. but now theres something wrong with my liver.#and like ok i dont think it's liver failure. i dont have any real symptoms for it #and if it was an emergency my doctor wouldve told me to go to the hospital. probably.#but idk. my truest anxiety about it is that it could be something cancerous. or something.#and really i have no reason to suspect that specifically. it's just one of the potential causes for the enzyme abnormality we found #but bc it's not entirely off the table. well now my mind has latched onto it. and is like 'What If'#and ok i just now looked into possible liver diseases to try to calm my anxiety. with mixed success.#bc i found all sorts of liver diseases. including cirrhosis. which is irreversible damage.#im just clinging to the hope of the fact that my readings werent Too high... just.#every single one associated with the liver was high. which means theres Definitely something wrong with my liver.#and im kind of scared it's bc of my prior alcohol use. i wasnt an alcoholic but i did drink pretty regularly for a bit.#but also how unfair would it be for me to get a liver disease from that??? the most i ever drank at one time was 8 shots #which is a lot but there are some people doing that kind of thing Regularly. and they dont get liver disease???#regardless this has been extra persuasion to stay off the alcohol. especially until i know what's up with it.#heyyyy mr liver inside me i prommy i will take good care of u from now on. pls dont die on me 😭😭😭#see ok this is what happens whem i start to think. i get anxious. i just need to keep not thinking.#it's 10 pm i think thats a good time for sleepies

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hp-lonesome-actual-art · 1 month

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Another batch or Mr. Puzzles quick sketches. I kept forgetting to draw his side pocket in the last couple ones. Random character featured in the little comic-ish Live Interview is some version of doodlesona. Can’t guarantee the dialogue will be believable/sound in character for Puzzles because honestly I’m still working on understanding his talking style and when he sarcastically jokes around or when he chooses to be serious and drop performance act. But in the off chance you wanna read it goes from left to right with reading

#GUYS it’s so hard drawing a character who uses his hands to communicate 24/7 jksjsksp PLEASE #my brain doesn’t know what pose to put him at any given time because he keeps SWITCHING inbetween words #he’s so animated and that’s why I love him so much expression and emotion in display #but I don’t like drawing hands at any given time if I can avoid it so screw him jskjso #the last two pages I think I’ve started to get a hang of how his expressions operate #still need to see if I can pull off the full range in my own style tho #and yes I inserted my silly doodle sona in the interview segment hello wazzup lol #although it’s very much a caricature because in reality I have no issues being on film. Been doing that since I was a toddler it’s natural #was even in a production class in high school operating camera equipment like I honestly love it #speaking of that art…still trying my best to figure out how his dialogue is meant to sound?#like I’ve always struggled with writing character dialogue I’m unfamiliar with the style of #thing is I’m good at acting the part if you give me a script to follow and example of tone inflections #but writing it from scratch is a whole nother struggle #so I’m sorry if it doesn’t feel on point I’ll try to get better at analyzing his speech patterns #honestly think I made it too formal sounding here? Or jumbled in some parts because I was stumped on how he’d translate thoughts to words #still fun interaction tho!#like I think he’d try his best to drop a few moments of empathy and try to get someone with anxiety to feel comfortable #but he’s also got the ratings to worry about and can’t afford it being ruined by someone’s anxiety hiccup #so kinda treading the line of being compassionate and giving advice to calm them v.s impatience to get the show rolling #or something idk still trying to analyze him and how he reacts to given circumstances #can you tell I think way too deeply about all this trivial stuff?#doodles #sketches

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patron-saint-of-emesis · 2 months

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todays concepts to grapple with are “accept Done over Perfect” and also “change is an inevitable constant”, both are very good sentiments that will better my life when i accept them, but it also means not restarting my crochet project and to stop staring at my face so hard in the mirror, and ima be real both of those r suck

#i wanna redo a pannel on my purse. but thatd be a few hours of work undone and redone #but also id like if it were Perfect. but also i dont wanna redo all that. but also i wanna finish this so i can move on to other shit #idk i cant tell if its something ill forget abt eventually or if its an issue that ill look at every time i use the purse #im. hgggnnn.#the mirror thing is bc of the dermotilomania and also my face is changing bc lack of teeths #isnt a huge deal. but also sometimes i look at the mirror like. Who Are You #i mean. rapidly dropping 50 pounds and losing half your teeth and anxiety making your face the ultimate stim toy. its like. yeah of course.#of course i feel weird. it ties in with being sick. so much shit has changed my body and i havent processed it rlly #thats why im leaning so hard into making clothes and dying my hair. reclaiming what i can control etc etc #i try not to worry abt how i look. i try to just focus on gaining weight and keeping my illnesses managed #but sometimes i look in the mirror like. oh. this isnt who i was #but change is inevitable and i will learn to love this new me too :)#i made myself feel better just by talkimg this out yay #im gonna get super high and crochet YIPPEE!!

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chemicalarospec · 4 months

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The funniest thing I wholeheartedly believe is that I have a neurodivergency not catergorizable or diagnosable as any currently recognized disorder. (disorder emphaized because heavily impairing functioning is generally a requirement of the clinical definition and a condition of diagnosis, and although i'm vexed i still Get By Just Fine)

because like yes those probably exist; there's no way psychiatry is in its final form now and there are definitely levels of neuro-difference that don't qualify as disorders, but like. that's so random and it's kinda pretentious to make such a bold claim about yourself. like oh u wanna be special, huh? 🙄 just be AuDHD like everyone else (<- joking)

#look the Mental Illness is bad frequently enough the PMS prolly is exasterbating SOMETHING but what?? who knows #maybe testorterone would fix me... i'm afriad but i've been thinking about trying it a lot #i've been so clsoe to having persistant depression (looking back something was wrong with me in middle school???)#but it just isn't consistant and strong enough to be dysthymia #cuz like i don't feel sad so much as i just feel. psychologically unwell. maybe i've just always been stressed.#the lack of focus being a PMS symtpom is too real tho once i found that out i was like. damn that's why i thought i had ADHD sometimes and #then i wouldn't.#my autism score test ONLY being outside of 100% allistic range on the social stuff....#but i'm not a poor enough communicator for that to be a disorder #like there's all these little parts and they don't come together in the shape of anything i know #anxiety but not as bad as my mom who can't even get diagnosed bc it doesn't impair her functioning -'trich' but i don't pull; i snap or cut #but i'm still going to see a gyncologist bc PMS is the only lead i've got #i am goign to bring up T but tbh i think that's outside of their domains....#i wish menopause didn;t exist bc typical birth control is NOT an option bc high risk of hormone-positive breast cancer #but blocking my menstrual cycle would honestly be my dream outcome #but my understanding is if i don't replace E with T i just go into menopause and htne like. well my mom's going through it now and it #doesnt seem like. a good time.#I said this #personal

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immamapletreekid · 5 months

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work anxiety starting before work itself hahahahaahahahahahahhhaha

#IM BAKCIJ THE FUCKIGN BUIDLIGN .AGAIN. AUSUSUXHEHWHGLHKF #im grateful i have an internship for this summer with the way the job market is like currently.#im grateful that i have the opportunity to lessen the burden on my parents shoulders. im grateful that this job can pay rent and groceries #and tuition for a few terms im grateful i get to gain experience while still in school that will hekp me in the future #IM GRATEFUL FOR ALL THIS!!!!! BUT STILL I FUCLING HATE EVERYTHJGN #i hate being unable to eat anything ir sleep at night bc all i can think about is shit i have work tomorrow i have to email this guy and #finish these tasks and impress my manager and be approachable and enthusiastic and eager to learn and not make any mistakes #and not fail anything bc im getting graded on this its alwags grades its always the fucking grades #isnt it. it was the grades that had me crying on walks home from school when i was 9 and it was grades that made me waste away 9th grade #it was grades that made me unable to stomach anything during weeks with tests and it was and is still grades that #dictate every single fucking part of my life #and even tho the ppl who used to yell at me for getting a B in math in 5th grade are no longer yelling at me for getting 60s in linear algeb #ra and stats and calculus and cs #haha.ha when ur university is famous for its.. horribly high suicdie rates #i find that the yelling comes from me now. ive replaced the adults who would sit beside me at the dinner table #yelling bc yea guess what 8 year old me didnt understand division at first #god i hate this school so much. i hate what im studying im gratefula nd am so privileged to be ahle to further my educarion and receive #all these experiences mot everyone can have but god everytime i return to the city where the school is #i feel like throwing up and sobbing and just never ipening my eyes again #haha yea. i hope i csn get a job to support myself in the future #i hope i can still have time for hobbies #why si everyone at school so good at everything #ive met more people who have passed their rcm 10 and arct exams for piano than those who havent #i have classes with people who have already published research papers with professors in the states #my classmates can breeze through a cs assignment while still playing fir varisty teams. working out everyday. goijg ti parties.#eating and cooking balsnced meals each week. having a social life..the whole combo #meanwhile i get overwhelmed because i have to respond to an email and finish an assignment in one day #how do i become like them #why was this about work anxiety at first and why is it about the eternal imposter syndrome and lack of self confidence #i just want money man... i dont give a shit about snything anymore

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steakout-05 · 6 months

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eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P

additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly

#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it #and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website #as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people-#-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were-#-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered #also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it #this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone-#-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious #i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :(#i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles #it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on-#-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help.#unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that-#-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also-#-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes-#-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything''#and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think-#-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me''#and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point #be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying #and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child.#be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo #if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows-#-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like #trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you #social anxiety #anxiety disorder #i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11-#-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me #anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y

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pepprs · 2 years

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omg mutuals quick vote now on your phones (if u want to lol) bc im incapable of making decisions for myself and i need advice. do i go on this trip yes or no. i have to have a decision in like an hour basically bc if i decide to go i have to start packing

YES:

pros: going on an adventure / change of scenery, getting to be more independent, bonding time w my dad (the only other person from my immediate family going), getting to see family i haven’t seen in years and visiting a place i haven’t been in years, could be fun or relaxing

cons: missing my work besties and the rest of my family at home and all the routines, putting an extra burden on my work besties, not having relaxing time at home, potential covid exposure, not getting much work done during an extremely (and more than expectedly) busy time in part bc of getting carsick while having to work during the EIGHT HOUR CAR RIDE!, having to take time to pack when im already super stressed, becoming even more sleep deprived, not having one on one time w my dad (or myself lol)

NO:

pros: not missing anything at work / home and having disruptions, not being exposed to covid, getting to relax how i want to and stay in my safe ordinary routine without burdening or disrupting myself or others lol

cons: not seeing my family, not going on this adventure, going back on my word that i would go, possibly damaging how my dads side of the family views my siblings and mom and me bc we never participate in any family stuff there lol

so uhhhh… yeah there are a lot more cons for going than anything else. i think what it comes down to is this. i can see my far-away family another time when it’s not so busy and i wouldn’t be missing work or creating extra burdens. i can go on an adventure when it’s more convenient for me. but the timing of this sucks and i am on the verge of a nervous breakdown from stress and sleep deprivation so maybe traveling 8 hours to see family would not be the best idea even if they would look down on me for it. lol

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