#will probably hit up the wip asks next because am at a good chapter break part

[aparticularbandit]

and another chapter of oafc into the fic backlog.

[wangxianficrecs]

Follower Recs

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Hello Mojo, hope you're doing well and that you had a good break! I wanted to signal boost the MDZS May Diaspora event collection on AO3, and point out my favorite fic from there: 归心似箭 | Longing to Go Home by dragongirlG! It's both tender and bittersweet and it features such mature writing. The author got some hate for it when it initially got posted so I wanted to counter that and give it some love instead! [Who would do such a thing?!  @dragongirlg-fics I’m sorry that happened to you, and here, have *so many hugs!* I’ll try to do a thing just for the diaspora event, but meanwhile, I’ll just treat this as a follower rec.]

归心似箭 | Longing to Go Home

by dragongirlG (M, 8k, wangxian)

Summary:  The destruction of the Yin Tiger Seal does not kill Wei Wuxian; it ages him instead. He takes shelter in a cave expecting to die, but instead he lives, slowly learning to embrace life with each new day.

Thirteen years later, a young man with a Lan forehead ribbon stumbles into the cave. His name is Lan Sizhui.

~*~

Hi Momjo!!! I recently read the most *adorable* fic, and I loved it so much that it dragged me out of seclusion (read: social anxiety cave) to rec it. It's called 'Covered in Bees' by ScarlettStorm in which the Cloud Recesses is an apiary, and Wei Wuxian has suddenly found himself host to a swarm of bees. ~ @akyra-talanoa

Covered in Bees

by ScarlettStorm (T, 8k, wangxian)

Summary: “Cloud Reccesses Apiary,” says a toneless, deep masculine voice, with zero question in it. Wei Ying doesn’t care, because whoever possesses that voice is probably going to come save him from bees like a fucking hero while wearing like, a suit of armor. That’s what you wear to catch bees, right?

“I have like, so many bees outside my front door right now,” he says, mouth running out ahead of him before he can even begin to think about reining it in. “It’s like a sandstorm of bees out there. There are so many bees. I got out of my car and there were just bees and I don’t want these bees. Do you want these bees? Please tell me you will come get these bees. I can’t leave my house and I have enough food for maybe a week but then I’m gonna have to learn how to cook dry beans and no one wants that, especially not me.” Wei Ying runs out of air, takes a breath, and belatedly adds, “My name is Wei Ying. Hi.”

Or: The beekeeping AU that no one asked for.

~*~

Hi, you are a bless to this fandom. Your blog feels like a library, so thoroughly arranged and always within hand reach. [Thank you, wow!]  Recently, I was going through Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn is a Wēn tag and came across a fanfic, it has 3 chapters till now and is so intriguing that i thought to recommend it to you. I don't know if I can recommend or if you have already checked the story, The legendary Phoenix and his Dragon by Devipriya. I am in love with this story. I hope you will enjoy it too, do check it out

The legendary Phoenix and his Dragon

by Devipriya (T, 7k, wangxian)

Summary:  Wen Wuxian, the essence of who he is, he is a naughty child, a prankster, an enchanting dizi player, a graceful dancer, an irresistible lover, a truly valiant warrior, a ruthless vanquisher of his foes, a man who left a broken heart in every home, an astute statesman and kingmaker, a thorough gentleman, a righteous individual of the highest order, and the most colorful incarnation.

He has been seen, perceived, understood and experienced in many different ways by different people. Different people saw different facets of who he is. For some, he is God. For some, he is a crook. For some, he is a lover. For some, he is a fighter. He is so many things.

But the phoenix, seen from the eyes of time was just a playful man. A man who plays with his awareness, with his imagination, with his memory, with his life, with his death. An individual who does not just dance with somebody. He dances with life. He dances with his enemy, He dances with the one he loves, He dances even at the moment of his death.

To taste an essence of who is Wen Wuxian, be with me in the journey of exploration, NO! playful exploration of life of a playful man.

~*~

Hi! Thanks for running this blog, it's helped me find so many fics. For your next follower recs post, I wanted to rec "This love like a flood, a fire, a fear" by natcat5. Its summary is vague (which I suspect is why it isn't better known) but it is a beautiful retelling of canon from LWJ's POV with slight canon divergence. I love the author's characterization of him and the prose is gorgeous. It is easily my favorite fic in the entire fandom, and I don't say that lightly. ~ @nyanja14

This love like a flood, a fire, a fear

by natcat5 (M, 57k, wangxian, lan wangji & lan xichen)

Summary:  “I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence, and as justice loves to sit and watch everything go wrong.”   - Lemony Snicket

~*~

i came to this ask to rec this baseball one called "Waiting for Spring" by thievinghippo on ao3. It somehow made me care about baseball soooo 'nough said ~ @scifikimmi

Waiting for Spring

by thievinghippo (E, 131, wangxian)

Summary:  “It is a well-known fact across the major leagues that one does not smack Lan Wangji’s ass.”

Wei Wuxian rolls his eyes. Everyone smacks everyone’s ass in baseball. It’s how the game is played. Lan Wangji does not get to be exempt from this most sacred of baseball traditions.

Wei Wuxian will make sure of that.

Or, a Major League Baseball AU

~*~

hi mojo! i wanted to rec Something Good by boxoftheskyking (a loose sound of music/canon divergence au) and also MDZS: The Golden Engine by iffervescent (immortal wangxian modern au where they gotta solve a mystery and save china, featuring jiang cheng/lan xichen)

Something Good

by boxoftheskyking (T, 43k, wangxian)

Summary:  "That Wei Wuxian, you know he used to be such a promising cultivator. Head Disciple of the Jiang Clan, can you believe it? You see, juniors, the punishment for traveling the path of demonic cultivation. No golden core, not so much as a whisper of spiritual power."

As a punishment for real and imagined crimes, Wei Wuxian is sentenced to work at Cloud Recesses as the lowest of servants. When a surprising reassignment lands him with eleven children to care for, everything changes again.

A Sound of Music AU

MDZS: The Golden Engine

by iffervescent (E, 82k, wangxian, xicheng)

Summary:  In the modern era, immortals Lan Zhan and Wei Wuxian return to Gusu. New evil and old friends + new friends and old evils.

~*~

Hi Mojo! First of all let me just tell you that you are amazing and this blog is like a gift from the gods! Bless you and your endless patience and hard work. [Oh, thank you so much!]  I know that you have just accepted follower recs and I have missed miserably but I still wanted to write and bring attention to a writer by the pseudo Xiao_Hua on ao3, I think they are quite good and I just recently found the account with so much content. If you do have the time to check them out, I'd rec catfish, my fox or the red ribbon.

The Red Ribbon

by Xiao_Hua (M, 21k, wangxian, TGCF crossover)

Summary:  Wei WuXian died but not before saving HanGuang-Jun and A-Yuan, leaving so much more behind than just his ribbon.

My Fox

by Xiao_Hua (E, 13k, wangxian)

Summary:  Once he headed to YiLing that all changed for him. His priorities have been mingled with and ordered in complete disarray even without him noticing as he was left heavily influenced by a creature.

Or one where Lan WangJi is a dragon-spirit and he finds his mate in the form of a fox.

Catfish

by Xiao_Hua (E, 15k, wangxian)

Summary:  Wei WuXian has a common sense that believes it has a nine-to-five job while Lan WangJi finds that incredibly hot.

Or one where two catfish realise that neither of them truly catfished.

~*~

Hi Mojo i'm recommending this amazing fic it is called song of joys and regrets. it's a time travel AU it's amazing. And your Blog is a Godsend Thank you! [Aw, you’re so sweet!]  ~ @highgoddess

Song of Joy and Regrets

by HelloKitten (not rated, 59k, wangxian, WIP)

Summary:  The Archery competition at Qishan this year has hit a snag. As the Sects face the wrongs perpetrated by their future selves, Wei Wuxian finds himself adopted by half of the cultivation world who are determined to save him from himself.

Baby Wangxian suffers. Adult Wangxian's job here is done.

"I'm starting to see a pattern to all his plans..." "Do they all involve him being bait?" "Yes" came deadpanned responses.

~*~

Here’s a 2021 Reverse Big Bang entry, in time for Father’s Day; [Oops, my bad, sorry!]  Under a Blanket of Black Wings, by ChaoticAndrogynous (#31398395); LWJ, recuperating from the 33 lashes, tells A-Yuan a series of fairytales about a heroic monster and the brave little boy he befriended. Vampire! WWX (in the framing story as well as the story-within-the-story); happy ending.

Under a Blanket of Black Wings

by ChaoticAndrogynous (T, 19k, wangxian)

Summary:  Lan Wangji tells A-Yuan a bedtime story about a beautiful monster and the brave little boy who was his friend. Thirteen years later, the monster returns.

~*~

Hello Mojo! Have you read ‘Key Differences’ by Pupeez4eva? Its a MDZS!WWX meets CQL!WWX and its really good! [It’s on my list!]

Key Differences

by pupeez4eva (T, 6k, wangxian)

Summary:  “I don’t understand,” Wei Wuxian said, while his alternate self continued to stare at him with almost a look of hurt in his eyes. There was longing in there too, which Wei Wuxian would have easily recognised if he paid enough attention. “How could you not get together, after everything. What even went on in the Guanyin Temple if you didn’t confess?”

“The Guanyin Temple,” Wei Ying repeated incredulously. “You’re asking me if I confessed at — honestly, a lot went on that day. It was a life and death situation. There was no confessing.”

Wei Wuxian stared at him, appalled.

(Wherein Wei Wuxian ends up meeting an alternate version of himself who, much to his horror, never married Lan Wangji. Obviously he has to do something to fix this).

~*~

Hey Mojo i would recommend this fanfic if you already haven’t, it’s called “ take me back to a time “ by DizziDreams. It’s sooooo good

take me back to a time

by DizziDreams (T, 144k, wangxian, 3zun)

Summary:  Wei Ying has a lot on his plate right now.

It’s finals week -- which isn’t so bad. He’s never had to study much to do well in classes. But that just means that things are that much more tense with Jiang Cheng, who, as far as Wei Ying can tell, only takes study breaks long enough to glare at Wei Ying where he sits on the couch playing video games.

It’s not studies that have Wei Ying stressed out. It’s everything else. It’s the recruitment for the research trial he’s coordinating. It’s jiejie and her impending marriage to His Royal Douchebag Jin Zixuan. It’s the volunteer work at the palliative care facility. It’s Wen Ning’s worsening condition. It’s Wen Qing working herself thin to care for her brother and Wen Yuan. It’s the way Wen Yuan never seems to have enough food.

So, yeah. There’s enough on Wei Ying’s plate already, meaning it’s not entirely welcome when he comes home and finds a man standing in his bedroom. A man in extravagant white robes, a ribbon tied around his forehead, long hair gathered into a topknot, fist clutching a sword at his side, who asks him, “Where am I?”

~*~

Idk if this has already been rec’d (I’ve been off the grid for a while now), but there’s this absolutely incredible fic called Restitution by an anon on ao3 people should definitely check out!

this one?

on restitution

by Anonymous (M, 78k, wangxian, jin ling & wei wuxian, lan sizhui & wei wuxian, WIP)

Summary:  When Wei Wuxian regains consciousness, he is in a bed. A real, proper bed, not the slab he called a bed in his cave in the Burial Mounds.

Jiang Cheng is glowering above him.

Wei Wuxian doesn't die during the siege of the Burial Mounds. Rather, he is captured in secret and confined at Lotus Pier. Things change accordingly.

~*~

Hi momjo! I feel like every time I come to your blog there's twenty more new and amazing fics for me to read. Thank you for everything you do for this fandom!  [Thank you, sweetie!  And yes, I think there ARE 20 new fics every day out there in the fandom.  It’s amazing!] Today I come bearing my own rec to you. I've recently read this and it's IMO one of the best fics out there. It's called Lapsteel by carriecmoney and it's a modern stormchaser AU featuring country songs and coming home. ~ @manaika-chan​

Lapsteel

by carriecmoney (T, 42k, wangxian)

Summary:  Now and then, I think about you now and then...

It's been thirteen years since Wei Ying ran for the prairies, leaving behind a family in shambles and a secret on the Pacific wind. What happens when the storm he swirled catches up to him?

Modern AU with country music star Lan Zhan, stormchaser Wei Ying, and shared crossroads.

~*~

[scapegrace74-blog]

New Ways of Turning into Stone, Chapter 5

A/N  Sorry for the long break between chapters.  As some of you might have seen from my Tumblr blog, I’ve been off on vacation these past two weeks.  Plus, when I felt the urge to write, it was my new Vaquero AU that kept calling to me (21,000 words and counting!), rather than this fic.  Which is probably a good argument for why I don’t like to post WIPs.  In any event, here is the next chapter some of you have been asking for, entitled Third Appointment.  Be careful what you wish for.  Angst ahead, plus a trigger warning for infertility trauma, miscarriage.

The first four chapters are available on my AO3 page.

The Thursday after her impromptu encounter with Jamie and his niece at the Royal Hospital for Children, Claire woke with a strange twisting pain in her gut.  Skipping breakfast, she was halfway to her office before she diagnosed herself with an acute case of nerves, the kind that sprouted between her lungs and ribcage like a vestigial organ whose sole purpose was to unsettle her.

She wasn’t in the habit of meeting patients outside of the clinical confines of her practice, but it was more than that.  Jamie had caught her in a moment of weakness, with both her personal and professional armour missing.  What he might have seen and how he could have interpreted it had occupied her thoughts ever since.

Eating lunch was out of the question.  By the time two o’clock approached, her insides were a buzzing hornets’ nest of anxiety, her palms clammy with sweat.  A half-empty bottle of Xanax called to her from the bottom of her purse.  Before she could weigh the implications of taking one at work on an empty stomach, Jamie’s familiar knock intervened.

She could tell as soon as he entered that Maggie hadn’t needed a transfusion that week.  His russet curls shone like garnets in the midday sun and his uncanny eyes glittered like sapphires.  Still, he avoided looking directly her way as he settled into his usual chair, and she wondered if the overlap of their personal and professional lives had left him feeling unnerved as well.

“No wheat grass smoothie,” he commented, his gaze running over her desk.

“No, I didn’t have time for lunch today.”  It was a blatant falsehood, since she’d spent her lunch hour picking her cuticles until they bled, but he didn’t need to know that.

“Ye should eat more, Sassen..., Doctor Beauchamp.  Ye canna help anyone else if ye’re no’ properly nourished.”  She caught the slip, and for some reason it angered her.

“Is this your attempt to negotiate a reduction in your fees, Jamie?  Dietary advice in return for counselling?  Because if so, I’m afraid I don’t bill on the barter system,” she snapped, despising her churlish tone.

Jamie’s eyes narrowed, then dimmed.  Message received, he sat up straighter in the armchair and crossed a foot over his knee, assuming a position of poised and detached calm that had no doubt served him well during business negotiations.  She regrouped by pretending to glance at her journal for the notes from their previous session, although the space next to his name was accusingly blank.

Boundaries thus defined, the session went surprising well.  Jamie spoke of his relief that Maggie’s latest round of chemotherapy was over, allowing her to return home and to some semblance of a regular life for a child of six.  Claire coaxed him gently towards the topic of his overwhelming guilt for abandoning his family when he was most needed.  Jamie processed pain through the recounting of stories, coming to terms with his self-decreed transgression by weaving together the tale of those he loved and pointing to the holes his absence had caused.

As his resonant voice spun its web of words, Claire became aware of an underlying hum.  At first it was subtle, like the mumble of traffic from a far-off motorway.  But as their hour together ticked by, it grew in strength until she could no longer ignore the buzz that pressed against her from all directions.

“... saw that it was really Jenny and Ian who I was... Claire?  Doctor Beauchamp, are ye well?”  Jamie was watching her with concern, and she realized she’d been shaking her head, trying to dislodge the omnipresent hum.

“Yes, I’m... yes.  Sorry.  Just a funny noise that’s...  Please, continue.”  When Jamie didn’t immediately pick up the thread of his narrative, she tried again.  “You were saying something about Jenny and Ian?”

Instead of continuing his previous thought, Jamie picked that moment to broach the topic she’d desperately hoped he would avoid.

“I hope ye’re no’ upset about the other day, at the hospital.  I didna mean tae impose or tae... o’erstep the bounds of our relationship.  No’ that we have a relationship, mind,” he hastened to add.  “Only a professional one.  But when I saw ye, I couldna resist introducing ye tae wee Maggie.  I hadna told ye about her yet, and I thought...”

“Jamie, it’s fine,” she cut in, halting his rambling explanation.  “She’s a lovely girl.  They all are.  It’s only that, I’m sort of...”

“Ye’re verra good with them.  Children, that is.  Ye’ll make a fine mother one day.”

All the oxygen left the room at once.  Her heart beat so hard there was a bruised feeling behind her sternum.   Launching to her feet, Claire stumbled blindly away from her desk.  She wanted to run, to scream, but her vision was a narrow chasm and a now-deafening throb filled her ears.  She only made it a few steps before her knees buckled and the carpet floated upwards to meet her.

“Ifrinn!”  Jamie leapt to her side, catching her by the shoulders before her head could hit the floor.  He lowered them both carefully to the ground, resting her body against his lap.  “Sassenach?  Claire?  Can ye hear me?  Do I need tae call an ambulance?”  The words reached her from very far away, but the threat of medical intervention acted like a dose of smelling salts.

“No,” she groaned, the room spinning around her like a kaleidoscope.  “No hospital.  I just... need to eat,” she grasped at the most innocuous explanation for her current state.

Without dislodging her, Jamie stretched his long arm and brought back the small basket of miniature muffins that were the day’s offering from Geillis.  With surprising dexterity, he peeled away the paper one-handed and broke apart a bite-sized morsel, holding it gently against her lips.  Realizing that her dignity couldn’t get any more battered, Claire opened her mouth and allowed Jamie to feed her.  After only a few bites, the buzzing disappeared and she was able to sit up on her own.

“Thank you,” she murmured, afraid to look into his eyes for fear of the pity she knew she’d see there.  “You were right. I  should have eaten lunch, I guess.”

“Claire.”  Jamie made a prose poem of the single syllable of her name.  She looked up at him through her lashes, stunned to find him looking back, not with pity, but with something akin to adoration.  “Mo nighean donn,” he ran a tender hand through her loosened curls.  “Ye need tae care more for yerself.”

“I will.  I’ll try.”  And when she said it to him, she really meant it.  Jamie made the impossible seem probable.

They stared at one another, shoulder to shoulder on the floor of her office.  She couldn’t think of anything else to say, but nor did she move.  Her gaze flitted over his face, noticing a vestige of boyish freckles across the bridge of his nose, a mole hidden in the harvest stubble on his cheek.  Jamie was performing a parallel inventory, eyes finally coming to rest at the level of her mouth.

“Ye’ve got a wee crumb, jus’ there.”  Unconscious, her tongue swept out, triggering a predatory response, twin blue laser beams narrowing on the target she had just painted on her lower lip.

“I... I’d verra much like tae kiss ye, Claire.  May I?”

An amputated moan was all she could manage in response, but Jamie must have understood its meaning.  He bent his head until only a whisper separated them.  The air crackled, sending that extra organ plummeting towards her hollow womb.  Clenching her eyes shut in defeat, she closed the infinitesimal gap until they met in an effervescent caress of lip and tongue.

Cold washed over her skin, bathing her in gooseflesh.  Jamie tasted like he looked; a banquet of fresh, volatile flavours that called to mind a picnic in a meadow, a spray of sea foam, the warmth of hearth and home.  She could feel him trembling against her, his moist breath rushing against her cheek in shallow pants.  For a score of heartbeats, Claire was the happiest she had ever been.  Then, reality crashed down around her.

“I’m sorry,” she stammered, pulling away.  “I... this can’t... I’m sorry.”

Jamie leaned back with a mixture of longing and resignation.  She hated adding herself to his list of regrets, but it was for the best.

“I’m your doctor, Jamie.  This isn’t right.”

“Aye, I ken.  I should apologize, but I canna seem tae find it in me tae repent.”

Jamie stood, reaching down to help Claire up as well.  As soon as it was apparent she was able to stand on her own, he dropped her hand as though it burned.  The line between his brows deepened, and she could see the question forming before he gave it voice.

“What if ye werena my doctor?  Would it be right then?”

“That’s neither here nor there, because I am, Jamie.  A relationship between patient and doctor of a romantic nature is ethically off-limits.”

Jamie nodded, apparently accepting her explanation at face value. Her heartbeat calmed.  He moved slowly, gathering his coat and starting to leave.  

“But what if ye weren’t?” he said, facing the door.  “If we’d met at the hospital, or out on the town?”

“I...” she stammered, searching desperately for any answer except for the truth.  “No, Jamie,” she said at last, watching as she destroyed his last bastion of hope.  “I’m sorry.  I just don’t feel that way about you.”

Nodding abruptly, Jamie let himself out of the office.  She listened to his low murmuring voice through the door as he spoke to Geillis, heard him make an appointment for the following week, then the loud snap of the main door closing.  Only then did she allow herself to collapse once more to the floor, angry sobs overtaking her.

***

“Are ye out of yer fuckin’ mind?” Geillis inquired with her usual brutal eloquence.

With the help of a Xanax, Claire had managed to see her last two patients of the day, and only needed to navigate the shoals of her office manager’s ire before she could go home and fully medicate herself into a dreamless sleep.

“Jes so we’re clear, ye want me tae write a letter terminating your services as a doctor an’ suggesting suitable alternative providers?  An’ ye want me tae send this letter, over email, tae Jamie Fraser?”

“That’s right.”  She had determined that icy calm was the best antidote to this conversation, which was fortuitous, since she felt numb all over.

“An’ what reason am I tae give fer this abrupt conclusion tae yer association wi’ Mr. Fraser?”

“I don’t owe him an explanation.  Only sufficient notice and an opportunity to seek counselling elsewhere,” she said, feigning reasonableness.

Pushed past her limits, Geillis rose from behind her desk, a tiny tempest of moral indignation.

“Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp, ye are a good friend, a fine doctor an’ a fair employer.  But I swear by the Almighty that if ye dinna drop the façade and tell me wha’ is going on I am going tae smack ye until yer ears ring!”

There was a certain relief in knowing that Geillis wouldn’t take no for an answer.  And unlike Jamie, she knew where Claire lived and would not let her rest until the truth came out.

“He kissed me.  Or rather, I kissed him.  And I liked it!  That’s why, Geillis.”

Her friend’s shoulders sagged, all righteousness gone in an instant.  She reached around Claire’s frame and held her in a bone-crushing one-sided hug.

“Och, hen.  An’ ye figured ye could deal wi’ those pesky feelings by jes, what? firing him as yer patient?”  

“I can’t deal with this right now, Geillis.  I can’t feel the way he makes me feel.  And this practice is all that I have left.  There’s no way I can risk losing it just for an affair that won’t even last the summer.”

She didn’t need to elaborate on her reasons for that dire prediction.  Geillis knew them as well as anyone.

“He’s an intelligent man, Claire. He’s gonna ken something is up.  Moreover, he’s a good man.  He deserves tae hear the truth.”

Shaking her head sadly, Claire walked towards the door.  Just before exiting, she called back softly to her friend.

“Geillis?  Make sure to include Dr. Rafferty’s name on the list of referrals.  I think they’d be a good match.

***

Monday morning dawned with little promise for the fledgling week.  Moving robotically through her weekend routine, Claire thought frequently of chickens.  How their bodies kept moving once their heads were lopped off, nerves and muscle and bone continuing to function for a time despite the fatal blow.

The elevator chimed its arrival on her floor.  As the doors slide open, Jamie was the first thing she saw.  He loomed by her still-locked office, a sun-topped thundercloud gripping a sheet of printer paper.

She’d worn her best black suit and a pair of chunky heels that brought her closer to his height.  Perhaps, on some subconscious level, she’d anticipated this confrontation.  Perversely, she relished it.  Vitriol and deceit didn’t suit her, but it was preferable to feeling absolutely nothing.

“Do ye mind tellin’ me,” Jamie began before she’d even set foot in the hallway, “jus’ what this is about, Claire?” He brandished the paper like a wanted poster.

“I would think it was self-explanatory, actually.  I’m terminating our professional relationship,” she huffed, golden eyes coming to life for the first time since Thursday.

“Via email.  Sent tae me by Miss Duncan, because ye dinna have the guts tae do it yerself.  Christ, Sassenach, even my ninth grade sweetheart didna dump me so cruelly!”

“I’m not your sweetheart!” she burst out, a flood of emotion cresting with her rising anger.  “Don’t call me that!  I was your doctor, Jamie, and now I’m nothing to you.  Nothing.  Just go.  Please.  Just go,” she finished weakly and without any hope that he’d listen.

“All this jus’ because I kissed you?” Jamie persevered.  At her stubborn silence, he continued, “Nah, I dinna think so.  Ye’re many things, Claire, but a coward isna one of them.”

She found this hysterically funny, since a coward was the only role she played to perfection.  She didn’t have time to laugh, however, because Jamie was suddenly standing much closer, forcing her to lift her chin to meet his stormy eyes.

“Nah,” he continued smoothly, a big cat alerted to the smell of its prey.  “If ye’d objected tae the kiss, ye would have told me so.  Read me the riot act or kneed me in the bawls.  I think ye’re scared, Doctor Beauchamp.  I think that kiss terrified ye, because ye realized ye liked it.  Somethin’ ye couldna  plan for in yer wee journal, right there under yer nose.  Bet it made yer heart beat so fast. So fast, jus’ like it is now.”

Jamie’s hand rested gently over the placket of her suit jacket, where he could surely feel the trip hammering of her pulse.

“Please,” she begged.  “Don’t.  I can’t...”

“Can’t what, Sassenach?” he whispered back, goading her.

The truth hung on her lips, and the toll of the past few days meant that she no longer had the strength to stop it from spilling forth.

“Can’t have children.  Ever.  I tried, for years.  Fourteen miscarriages, fourteen lost chances.  And seeing you with those children last week.  I know it’s presumptive, but I could never deny you that chance, Jamie.  That’s why I can’t see you anymore.”

She was looking down, watching the buttons of his shirt rise and fall with his agitated breath, but as she finished speaking, their movement ceased.  Chancing a glance upward, she was stunned by the fury that had overtaken his expression. 

Jamie opened and closed his mouth several times before he managed to speak in a gritty growl.

“Mutation of the RUNX1 gene tha’ causes leukemia.  I was tested, along wi’ Jenny an’ Ian, after Maggie was diagnosed.  I have a fifty percent chance of passing it along tae my children.  An’ since I canna stand the thought of ano’er bairn havin’ tae suffer as Maggie has, as soon as I got the test results, I went out an’ had a vasectomy.”

Claire recoiled as though she’d been slapped, a high pitched whine in her ears.

“Ye’re no’ the only one who’s hurting, Claire!” Jamie continued, voice dashing against the rocks of her name.  “We’re no’ meant tae suffer alone.  Ye, of all people, should ken that.”

Stunned in the silence following the thunderclap of his revelation, she couldn’t find the words to express her sorrow, her outrage, and her crippling shame.  By the time the power of speech returned, Jamie was gone. 

[thenextchapter22]

Angel of the Three Realms

PART 7!!

Description: You were an Angel who went to the human world to escape punishment for loving Lucifer only to be brought back into his life, this time in the Devildom where you pretend to be human.

In this chapter: Everything is perfect, even with your love still a secret, and being home with everyone and flying is all you could ask for...

Tags: Unrequited Love, Fluff, Angst, WIP

Pairing(s): Lucifer/Reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Link to my AO3: Click Here

Authors Note: Guys, this is the second to last chapter :( Thank you to all those who kept reading, I’m really happy you liked this work. Please enjoy~

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six

_+_

You had the most magical time just simply being with the brothers. Not doing anything special, only talking in your room, tossing popcorn at each other and snuggling. They were always so warm, and you’d never turn away a hug.

But eventually they had to go to their own thing, so that left you some time alone. Mostly with your thoughts, which strayed here and there as you stretched on your bed. Thankfully they had put it back to the way it was before the spell to make it larger.

School was on temporary break per Lord Diavolo’s orders (and although he didn’t say it directly, you knew it was because of you, and he wanted you to have some time off).

There was a knock on the door again. But this time, someone else spoke out on the other side.

“May I come in?” Lucifer called out.

You stood up quick and straightened out your clothes, fixing your hair. It had a slight curl to it from Asmo’s braiding. Lucifer at your door was a rare thing indeed, plus you wanted to look presentable after having popcorn thrown at you.

Letting him inside, he glanced around at the slight mess that still remained. Stray blankets, the TV was still moved from its spot, and some chairs had been pushed away to make room for the larger bed that had been there.

He turned back to you, and said, “I had stopped by earlier, but heard you all having so much fun I didn’t want to ruin it all.”

You blinked in surprise. “Oh, you could have joined us, you know.”

He waved his gloved hand dismissively. “No, you needed time with them. They needed time with you.”

Biting your lip, you had to ask. “Did you… hear anything we said?”

His lips quirked a bit but he didn’t not smile. “If you’re referring to you speaking about Michael, then, yes, I happened to hear it.”

So you eavesdropped, you wanted to say, but instead you pushed that away. It probably wasn’t on purpose.

“I hope its okay I told them about Michael… I don’t want to keep any more secrets.”

“Of course, dove, I had planned on telling them myself.”

You shivered at the nickname that flew so easily from his lips, and nodded, your hair bouncing. “Good, I’m glad.”

You watched his gaze flicker to your shoulders before he sighed. “I don’t want to upset you but I feel like we should talk about everything that’s happened.”

“Oh! Uh, okay. Do you want to sit then?” you gestured to the table. “I can make us some tea really fast.”

He did sit, but shook his head. “The tea isn’t needed. Let’s just talk.”

Talking wasn’t as easy as he made it seem. But you did sit opposite him at the little brown wooden table, and crossed your ankles and folded your hands under your chin. “All right, shoot.”

He smirked. “So eloquent.”

You winked. “Always.”

Really, you just wanted to ease the tension in the room. It was too stuffy and a bit suffocating. You were nervous for his questioning, like he was a detective asking you, a criminal, if you had done the murder.

Lucifer didn’t look at you for a moment, instead stared at the table, tapping his fingers on the edge. Then he stopped, and looked up at you with intensity in those gorgeous eyes. “I can’t apologize enough for how stupid I was to not see you when you first came here. Despite the spell, even so.”

You frowned. “Oh, Luci—”

He kept going. “But I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me. I need to know. Why did you leave? What happened to make you leave?”

You knew the question would come. Still you were not prepared for it. “I just… it’s hard to say why. There were lots of reason.” Lies. Only one: him.

He always saw right through you. Narrowing eyes spoke of that. “You’re not being truthful with me.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

He paused. His tone seemed lighter next he spoke, “Did you at least have a happy life?”

That was just like the brothers’ question. “I did…mostly.”

“Hm. Tell me more. I want to hear about your life, what I missed.”

“You do?” you whispered.

“Of course. Unless you don’t want to tell me. You’ve changed so much since I last saw you.”

“In a good way, or bad?”

He chuckled. “A bit of both, I think.”

You smiled. “Okay.” You thought about everything you’d been through, and decided to start off with a high note. “There was a stretch of years where I lived in a small town by the sea. Everyone knew everyone, and there was kindness all around. My favorite thing to do was fly over the water in the moonlight. The ocean breeze and the smell of salt air was amazing.” You inhaled like you were there, and he gently reached out and brushed his fingers over your cheek. You held in a whimper. “I had to leave at one point, when the kids started to become adults and I stayed the same as I was.”

“That must’ve been difficult to do over and over. Establish relationships and then leave.”

You nodded, and sighed. “It had to be done…”

“I do have to wonder… why you didn’t become Human once your arrival on the surface world. You have no Halo but you do have wings, and celestial magic… It’s against all that Heaven stood for.”

You had wondered it yourself many times. But then you had other things to worry about, like your pretend human life. Evolving with them, learning and teaching, building relationship and ending them many times over. It was fun and fantastic and everything you never had dreamed of when you first left. So, only for a few short moments did you ponder that question Lucifer asked, and replied back.

“I did wonder but… I wouldn’t be able to find any answers. I had too much to do.”

Lucifer smiled. “I’m proud of you.”

Your heart clenched. “You—you are?”

“I am. You’ve done amazing things in your life. I couldn’t have wished for anything better. Losing all these years with you…” He frowned. “I will admit thinking about how much time I’ve spent here, with my memories of you gone… That I didn’t have the strength to break free.”

“You couldn’t have known,”

“While that’s true, I still hate it.”

“And so, now that I have you here with me, I will make the best of it. We will together.”

Together. Just not the way you wanted.

Perhaps, in time, maybe some years in the future, you would be brave enough to finally speak up. But right now wasn’t the best time. Or you could just be a true coward to your own feelings. You had a stray thought of ‘what it this was hurting Lucifer more than telling him would be?’

“I promise you, my dear, if I were to ever see Michael again…” And Lucifer’s forehead glowed where his black triangle usually lay, dark clouds forming the shape but not fully changing him. “…I’ll kill him.”

_+_

Life was back to normal. Only, it was better. Truth was out, and a freedom of the soul with it. You were truly able to be you, at least in the way you looked. Sure, your wings were still tucked away but you knew they weren’t a secret to be hidden away anymore.

The first day you were told you could fly again, you shot out of bed that very morning and, after breakfast, ran to the courtyard. It was a beautiful Devildom day, no clouds, not too hot or cold, and the winds were just right.

“She’s gonna fly! Everyone, come and see her wings!” Mammon shouted.

There was the sound of a stampede and before you knew it, the entirety of the House of Lamentation was there, and Purgatory Hall even somehow ended up.

You were very nervous. It had been months since you’d flown. But you knew it was going to be as easy as getting back on a bicycle as the humans say.

“Go on, dearie, we know you’re going to be beautiful. Spread your wings and fly~” Asmo shouted.

You grinned at him, and heard everyone else shout out words of encouragement. It was honestly really sweet. Luke was jumping up and down, waving his arms. He hadn’t gotten wings yet so he was super excited.

Satan didn’t have wings so he wasn’t as cheery, but he still gave you a soft smile and told you to go for it.

Then, lastly, you heard Lucifer speak. He wasn’t shouting like the others, but your focused hearing caught his words. “Fly, just as you used to: with passion.”

So with that, you changed, wings sprouting out like fireworks of white bursting open, and like a rocket you shot up into the sky. There was cheering and screaming, but as you went higher, soaring around the clear skies, you could only hear the wind rushing in your ears, and your heart pounding. The pure delight in flying never would leave you.

The sky wasn’t just yours for long. You looked to your left and saw Asmodeus’ bat wings flapping as he twirled in circles. He looked majestic, and you saw he had his hair pinned back with clips. He winked and flew a bit lower, and you laughed.

Mammon flew past you in a burst of speed, the back winds hitting you hard but you steadied yourself. “Hey, slow down!” you teased.

He stuck out his tongue from in front of you, and circled you once. “No way, you’re so slow,” he shouted with a stupid grin before speeding ahead.

You laughed at them. This was so much fun. You shut your eyes for a moment, feeling the wind in your face, rustling your hair. Your wings ached gloriously. The tickling of it against your feathers. It was pure magic.

“Always with your head in the clouds.”

You saw Lucifer then, full form, four wings dark and incredible behind him. His hair looked perfect in the wind, and he eased up next to your right and kept pace.

“I know,” you said with a smile. “I do my best thinking here.”

“Well, then, next time a test comes up, please go flying first.”

You laughed. “All right, but only if you come with me?”

He smiled. “Of course, dove.”

You hummed. You moved away a bit, and twirled once, giggling, and found his gaze softened. “Why did you call me that? You used to when I was younger, and you also did when I first came here. I don’t know why, when you were under that spell…”

He slowed his speed a bit until he stopped, and you had to circle back to meet him. The two of you thousands of feet above the Devildom ground, floating in the air.

“It’s quite the conundrum isn’t it?” He paused. “Memories don’t just vanish. These spells can’t remove a memory, only cloak it, and hide it away. So it’s always there, somewhere in your mind, waiting to resurface again.”

You frowned. He was sort of right. It was like when you worked as a temp nurse in a hospital, and the coma patients eventually got their memory back with time and patience.

Suddenly, Lucifer smiled at you, like a Morningstar of darkness. “I suppose a part of me just… couldn’t forget you.”

What? Your wings fumbled a bit in astonishment, and he reached out to grab at your upper arms. There was a large frown on his face and his brow was furrowed. “Steady. You’re stronger now but I think it’s time to head back down.”

You said nothing, only let him lead you both to the ground. Everyone gathered around and you were brought out of your head to them patting your arms and saying how amazing you were.

A part of you was still stuck on what just was said, but you pulled yourself together. “Thanks everyone! I want to fly with all of you soon.”

You looked at Satan, who was frowning. He sighed. So you walked to him and took his hand. He blushed. “The two of us can do something else, or if you want I can take you flying?”

He shook his head. “No thank you. I’m not a fan of… heights…” He smiled. “But I appreciate it.”

Belphie made a soft noise. “I want extra naps on your lap as compensation.”

You chuckled. “Easily done, Belphie.”

Levi frowned from beside Satan. “What about me?”

You took his hand next, to which he panicked externally and internally, and said the same thing to him.

Levi stuttered a bit, “W-w-well we can go swimming instead. I know a lake that’s perfect this time of year where you can rent tube floats nearby and there’s a really cool waterfall that makes rainbows.”

You nodded. “Sounds perfect. Speaking of water, I’m thirsty so I’m going to grab a drink.”

Leaving them behind, you went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water, downed it, and exhaled. You placed your hands on the marble countertop and scrunched your nose while you thought.

‘a part of me just… couldn’t forget you.’

Did Lucifer love you? As more than a… friend? Was it possible? Those words seemed to have an underlying meaning to them, you were almost positive. Because if he did love you, he would say so, right? He was Pride, but wouldn’t love overcome that tenfold?

You laughed aloud, and shook your head. “I’m an idiot. Of course he doesn’t.”

Still, those words echoed in your head all day and night, even appearing in your dreams. Haunting or teasing, you were not sure.

But when you woke up to a new family, you shoved that part away. You had to put the past where it belonged: the past. You were home, Michael could not get you here, and you were safe to live your life as you chose. And you chose to live it to the fullest.

[kamilah-the-bloodqueen]

Remember Me (3/??)

So it’s been quite some time since I looked at this series, and I apologize for such a long hiatus but it’s back (Someone reached out to me asking when part 3 would be out so I moved it forward in my WIP queue! Basically Amy starts out with Adrian, and it’s perfect but one day Amy gets into a car accident and doesn’t come out the same. Her memories from the past 5 years of her life - and that includes all the events from BB1 (just roll with it). Just a FYI I will NOT be rewriting the first 2 parts, you’ll just have to deal with the shitty writing for the whole series. Honeymoon is the current WIP I’m working on, followed by a f!Blaine x MC angst one-shot, the cafe part 2 and then the first chapter of my university AU. Please be patient with me, I am under a lot of academic stress but I promise these will be finished. 

Pairing: Adrian x MC x Kamilah (It’s not romantic - just a description...for now)

Warnings: This series does include a serious injury, amnesia

Word Count: 2753 

Tags: (Since it’s been so long if you’d like to be removed just lmk - that being said if you’d like to be added to the tag please let me know) @a-raines @bloodboundstuff f @kamilahtopme

Part One    Part Two 

Amy’s eyes fluttered open, Adrian slouched in the chair beside her, sound asleep she sighed softly, her side sore and tighter than usual as she watched Adrian shift in his gentle slumber. Amy squinted as she tried to recall her memories, frowning as she attempted to make herself more comfortable in the bed. Adrian slowly moved, rubbing his eyes and smiling at Amy as he stood to make two cups of coffee.

“Good Morning Amy…” He spoke softly, lovingly. It almost felt familiar to Amy, something about the way he said it resonated with her. She flashed a smile at him, her eyes lighting up as he brought her a cup of coffee, perfectly made the way she always liked it. 

Adrian is very sweet, I could see how I would have fallen for him. His heart is made of gold, and he is the cinnamon roll that Lily said he was and...and I’m breaking his heart...me...Amy, just a regular girl...I’m breaking his heart because I don’t remember anything...oh...

Amy felt her heart break just a little - she couldn’t force herself to love Adrian and he certainly didn’t deserve this pain, but the spark between them was extinguished in that accident. Amy drew a deep breath, catching the scent of the cooled coffee cup in her hands, she shakily held it to her lips, spilling a small amount on her lap as Adrian rushed to grab napkins. He gently placed them down, patting the sheet dry as Amy felt her heart skip a beat. She let out a breath as Adrian sat down, slowly drinking his own coffee. 

“Thank you Adrian, you’re a good friend.” Amy spoke softly, barely a whisper as Adrian grinned, his eyes sparkling in the dimly lit room. He paused before sipping his coffee, his heart dropping as he replayed Amy’s words silently. 

Good friend. Good friend. Over and over again. Good friend. She doesn’t love me anymore, is there any chance she’ll come back to me? 

“Adrian? Are you alright?” Amy tapped him on the shoulder, a concerned look written on her face as Adrian nodded slowly. 

“Yes, my apologies, I just...need a moment. I’ll be right back.” Adrian stood quickly, nearly sprinting out the door as Amy tilted her head in confusion. Adrian shut the door, leaning his whole body against it as he let a tear fall from his eyes. He pulled his phone out, immediately opening his camera roll as he replayed forgotten memories- memories Amy had promised to never forget. He slid down the door, his legs losing strength as he dove deeper into the past she had forgotten. He pulled out a small package of tissues, quickly replacing them with his sleeves as tears flooded his face and the floor. He choked as he stumbled upon a picture of them together in the moonlight, Amy smiling on his back as he had carried her through Central Park that night. He watched videos of Amy dancing, singing and saying ‘I love you’ to him, all recent. He rested his head against the door, looking into the lights as he clenched his jaw, reaching into his pocket to pull out the engagement ring that had lost all of its purpose. 

“Amy...goddammit Amy...I should have been with you that night...I should have driven you myself.” He stood back up, adjusting his suit and tie and wiping his face clear, re-entering the room as Amy sat quietly, gazing out the window. 

“Is something wrong Adrian?” Amy turned to him with that always curious look in her eyes, he took a quiet seat next to her before smiling. 

“No, but I have something to tell you.” Amy pursed her lips as Adrian pulled the velvet box from his pocket, gently handing it to her and letting her open it. She gasped and closed the box before handing it back to Adrian as he smiled, a tear slowly flowing down his face. “I was going to propose to you that night…before the accident happened...” 

“Adrian…I...I’m sorry…” Amy interrupted, Adrian holding the box tightly as he forced a smile. 

“It’s okay Amy. It’s not your fault…” His voice was calming but Amy could sense the broken in him, she could see the heartbreak in his posture and his face. 

“I...I just don’t...I don’t feel that way anymore...I’m sorry…I...those memories...I don’t...” Amy cried softly, Adrian placing a gentle hand over hers as he closed the box, placing it back in his jacket. 

“Don’t worry about it, our relationship is probably one of the last of your worries. I just thought you should know. I am sorry if I crossed a line Amy...I...I love-” Adrian clenched his jaw, Amy brows furrowing as she averted his broken gaze, “I have to go to my office, but...I’ll be back to visit you either tonight or tomorrow. Get some rest Amy.” He stood, his shoulders slumping in defeat as he found the strength to compose himself before he walked out of the hospital room. 

Amy stared out the window, her eyes welling with tears as she tried to comprehend the situation, to be empathic to Adrian and to herself. Amy got so lost in the web of thoughts and worries that she didn’t even notice Lily open the door.

“Hey Ames.” Lily slowly shut the door, a cheeky smile on her face as she laid a collection of electronics in front of Amy. Amy’s eyes fell on the nintendo switch as Lily beamed with excitement, Lily setting up her laptop so Amy could see the screen.

“I thought you could use some fun today, I bought movies and some video games.” Amy’s eyes crinkled at Lily, before using her one hand to pick up one of the switch controls. Lily took the other control in her hands as she started mario kart, adjusting the controls so it would be a fair game. 

“Thank you Lily...now I’m going to blow smoke up your ass.” The beeping to start the race went off as Amy gassed her bike, Lily gasping as she took off too. Amy laughed, throwing a red shell and taking first place as Lily slowly made her way up from 12th to 2nd. 

“I’m right on your ass now Amy.” Lily hit the buttons more aggressively as Amy laughed, leaving a banana and screwing Lily’s position up.

“Fuck!” Lily set the remote down as Amy crossed the finish line, taking first place. “I see you haven’t lost your touch.” Lily laughed as she set up the next race.

“No. Never. Luckily I still reign champion when it comes to Mario Kart.” Amy nodded her head in pride before they played another race, and another. They lost track of time, Lily’s alarm pulling them from their entertainment as Lily looked at Amy, feeling as if she had her best friend back once more. Amy caught Lily’s gaze, both of them happier today than they had both been in the past few days. A soft knock on the door pulled them both out of their moment, Jax’s soothing voice ringing from the other side as he slid the door open slowly. 

“Jax!” Amy’s voice squeaked as Jax put a hand over his heart.

“You guys are racing without me….I’m wounded...having a stroke…” The room filled with laughter as Jax took a switch remote and sat next to Amy on the other side. “Now I’ll have to whoop both of you for leaving me out!” Jax smirked as Lily adjusted her glasses. 

“Oh it’s on!” Lily cracked her knuckles as Amy laughed, raising a brow at both of them as the countdown began. 

“I’m injured, my memory is missing and yet I’m still going to wreck both of you!” Amy tapped her fingers against the controller as the race started, all three of them battling for first place with red shells and bananas. 

“I’ve got it! Oh! ....Fuck!” Amy screamed as a NPC threw a red shell and took first place. All three of them gasping and laughing at their loss to a NPC, Lily exiting to the home screen as Jax and Amy handed her the remotes.

“Geeze. Don’t let Kamilah know I got smoked this badly...” Jax rubbed the back of his neck as Lily took the remotes, put them in her bag and plugged the switch in for a charge. Jax fiddled with his hands as Lily sat back down, asking Amy if she needed anything. 

“I can’t believe we lost to an NPC...this is the end of my career.” Jax chuckled under his breath as Amy rolled her eyes before laughing too. Jax relaxed back into his chair as Amy shut her eyes gently, Lily brewing the group some tea after all of the excitement. 

“Hey Jax...Lily can I ask?” Amy mumbled softly, Lily turning to face her as Jax lifted his head up.

“Of course.” Jax placed a gentle hand on Amy’s shoulder, his soft eyes fixated on hers as she smiled. 

“What’s Kamilah like?” 

Silence. Jax and Lily gave each other looks before Jax cleared his throat. 

“She can be cold if she wants to be, she’s...quite mysterious but she opened up a lot with us, although I don’t know the details of your personal relationship with her. I...I’m not entirely sure how to describe her to you but she wouldn’t refuse your questions Amy, especially given the current circumstances. Why do you ask us?” Jax furrowed his brows as Amy felt a blush creep onto her face, Lily catching the pink cheeks in the corner of her eye. 

“Nothing, just curious to know what my friends were like…” Amy stared down at the blanket as Jax’s phone buzzed in his pants. 

Friends. Friends. Friends. Of course Lily and Jax were Amy’s friends, but Adrian? Kamilah? She felt something towards both of them. She didn’t carry the same feelings Adrian had for her - and they were far from the intensity he felt for her. He made her feel so safe and secure - and his nurturing nature would make any girl fall in love and Amy could sense something there, even if it was small. And Kamilah? There was something radiant about her to Amy, something about her presence that brings Amy a sense of tranquility that she doesn’t feel with Adrian. She didn’t know her but Amy felt herself infatuated with wanting to know Kamilah, wanting to spend time with her and just talk to her. Jax’s panicked voice brought Amy out of her head as Lily placed a calming hand on her shoulder - having watched Amy go through the whole thought process. 

“Nikhil-” His face changed from content to concerned as a muffled voice rang through, “I’m-I’m on my way.” Jax rushed over to Lily, whispering as Lily’s face grew concerned. They exchanged silent whispers as Amy tilted her head, wondering what it could be about. 

“Amy...I have to go...it’s a uh...work emergency..., will you be alright?” Jax squeezed her hand before hastily rushing out the door. 

“Amy...do you...do you have feelings for Kamilah?” Amy’s heart jumped at Lily’s voice, her face turning pink as Lily slowly took a seat beside her, her face full of curiosity.

“I...I don’t know! I-” Amy reached her hand up to cover her face as Lily gently pulled her hand away, giving Amy a reassuring look. Another knock on the door startled both of them as Lily rushed to open it, Kamilah stepping through the threshold. Amy felt her heart speed up, her palms growing sweaty as Kamilah came closer and closer to her. Her maroon suit perfectly fitted, her hair practically shining as her eye softened upon meeting Amy’s. 

“How are you feeling Amy?” Kamilah's voice was like music to Amy’s ears, it was smooth and silky yet firm and commanding, Amy’s heart pounding so loudly she thought Kamilah would hear it. She swallowed the lump in her throat as Kamilah gave a more concerned look to Amy. Amy thought she’d faint as Kamilah placed her palm against her forehead, her fingers rubbing small circles as she asked Lily to get some water. 

“Thank you for visiting Kamilah...I really appreciate it…” Amy whispered softly, Kamilah smiled, her usual exterior melting for a moment before Lily returned with the water. Lily paused before setting the water down on the table next to Amy, her eyes scanning between Kamilah and Amy and the odd sexual tension that lingered throughout the room. 

“I uh...gotta blast!” Lily squealed and dashed out the door, unsure of how to deal with the situation. Kamilah blinked twice, shocked as Amy furrowed her brows before returning to Kamilah. 

“I wonder what that was all about…” Kamilah pursed her lips as Amy shakily reached for the glass, her heart nearly beating out of her chest. She gripped the cup and brought it to her lips, Kamilah watching subtly as Amy spilled some on herself by accident. 

“Amy, here...let me help you…” Kamilah rushed to grab a few napkins from the counter as Amy’s face flushed red, when Kamilah placed her delicate hands on her lap where the water was spilled Amy thought she was going to have a heart attack. Kamilah lifted her hand, gesturing towards the water as Amy shook her head. Kamilah picked the glass up and gently placed it against Amy’s lips, tilting it back so she could drink. Kamilah tried not to stare but she couldn’t help herself but to watch Amy’s lips against the rim of the glass.

“Had enough?” Kamilah brought the nearly empty glass back down, perching herself on the chair next to Amy as Amy wiped her mouth. 

“Yes...thank you…” Amy mumbled, she shifted her eyes to the floor to avoid Kamilah’s eyes, a gaze that would make Amy question her feelings more than she already was. 

Kamilah cleared her throat, her hands slipping into her pockets before she sat forward, placing her hand over Amy’s. 

“Amy, everything will be alright. You have all of us at your side and we will get you whatever you need.” Amy smiled at her gesture, Kamilahs stoic expression that Lily had spoken of was nowhere to be found. Amy nodded in silence, enjoying the comforting touch of the older woman. She must’ve dozed off because she awoke later in an empty room, a small letter placed beside her as she rubbed her eyes. 

Amy,

Many apologies for running out so soon. An urgent matter needed to be handled and I could not address it from the seat beside you. I’ll return to visit you as soon as this matter is taken care of. Feel free to text or call if you need anything. My number is already saved in your phone. 

~Kamilah Sayeed

Amy smiled at the heartwarming note, maybe Kamilah wasn’t as cold and stoic as Lily had previously told her. She took in a deep breath as the doctor opened the door, clipboard in hand as he ran through the tedious checklists to ensure Amy was properly recovering. 

---------------------- Adrian’s Office ------------------------------

Kamilah, how late are you working tonight? 

Not much longer Adrian, just a few things to finish up here. Do you need something?

I could use some of your advice, and company. 

Of course brother. I’m sure the current situation has been exhausting among other things for you. 

Thank you Kamilah, I’ll see you shortly?

Yes.

Adrian leaned back in his leather chair as it gently squeaked, his suit wrinkling as he removed his tie from his neck and tossed it to the side. He turned his gaze towards the ceiling, his shoulders falling - a single tear falling from his face. He took a tissue from his desk and uselessly wiped away as his face became flooded with them, the teardrops staining documents and leaving marks on his jacket. He ripped the jacket off, not caring about how much it had cost him as she rested his head in his hands - his composure falling apart in seconds. His white blouse became disheveled as his breathing grew fast and desperate - his heart racing and beating so hard it hurt. He tried to stand, his legs completely failing him as he leaned against the bookshelf, hiding his face in his knees as he let his bottled emotions out. He stayed there for what felt like hours, until the door slowly creaked open...

[dendrite-blues]

Hi just wanted to say that i recently read (devoured) reparations and permutations and i loved it so much. An amazing depiction of gender fluidity and racial and sexual themes. One of the best I have read. Also, the relationship between loki and his kids (and tony and the kids) and their distinct personalities was wonderful to see unfold. Now im in a puddle of parent!loki feels...Anyway thank you so much for writing! If you ever decide to come back to it i will definitely be reading 💕

This is the first ask I've ever gotten, will you internet marry me? jknknkljkjkj

It's funny that you ask this right now because I am actually on the cusp of being able to return to this verse finally.

I'm not sure if the story I'm about to tell is interesting at all, but Rep is my baby so I'm gonna babble a little. I hope that's alright. :)

The funny thing is that I've never wanted to stop writing Rep.

The day I finished it I expected to feel victorious and relieved but I actually felt hollow and lost. I went into the most intense depression for weeks after. It had been my anchor for nine of the most turbulent months of my life, and suddenly it was just gone.

I wanted it back, I wanted to see these characters living their dream life and raising their children. I wanted to see Loki finally confront their gender directly, to see them live truthfully in front of Thor and Asgard, to see them embrace their role as the God of Change.

But the story was also finished, and in a fashion I was particularly proud of. It felt satisfying, like all the little threads had been tied up and you really believed this family was going to be happy forever.

So breaking up that nice, clean ending with a sequel felt like a terrible mistake. (And in a moment of weakness I went and did it anyway! That's how much of a hoe I am for this verse *cries*) As soon as I opened up that door and moved past the happy ending, there was an ocean of other stories and headcanons waiting. And I didn't think I would ever finish it. I would be writing it my entire life.

At the time, not finishing felt taboo. My very first fic had been abandoned two years earlier and throughout writing Rep I had motivated myself by thinking "I'm never doing that again. No matter how overwhelming this story feels, I'm not giving up. I'll never fail my readers like that again."

So I forced myself to move on and write other things. Once Tamed happened and then grew past its intended ending. Endgame came out and in my grief I impulsively started If You Had to Choose. And I was steadily feeling burnt out from denying myself the pleasure of writing what I really wanted to--Permutations.

The guilt and stress of maintaining all those WIPs pushed me out of writing from May 2019 to February 2021, and I only got back into it because an RP partner reached out to me from the ether and rekindled my love for the pairing.

So at that point I had a decision and I'm honestly not sure if I made the right one.

On the one hand I could abandon Tamed and Choose, trading the guilt of not finished for the guilt of giving up, and be rewarded with writing Permutations. On the other, I could grit my teeth and stall my own gratification in the name of honoring my readers.

Because I am Rep Loki and I am incapable of setting boundaries, so I naturally chose to spend the last 6 months writing Choose, and the next three weeks writing Tamed. And then I made a bunch of new stories also out of love for Mobius and Sylive. REEEEEE

But anyway, whether it was a good move or not I chose the path of least regret and I have succeeded in clearing my old WIPs. Just this week I have finally freed myself to write whatever the hell I want to, and it feels bloody fantastic.

And what I want to write is Permutations. It's been the light at the end of my tunnel for so long. Literal years of putting off my heart's wish in the name of being responsible.

So now that I'm here, I'm ready to fuckin party.

Get ready for a festival of smut and feels and cooky family subplots. Get ready for ridiculously indulgent tangents and plots that are a pile of thinly veiled head canons. Get ready for a veritable mountain of angst, h/c, kidfic, gender/race issues, and kink exploration.

My best guess (and I'm pretty accurate because I hit my deadlines well) is that new Perm chapters will come out late August/early September 2021.

A StrangeFrost spin off about Timestone Loki from Chapter 11 will come shortly after that. Probably October/November since I'm planning to prewrite that one. It's a very intense, dark story even for me, so I want to get it beta read for sensitivity before posting.

And anytime I write this verse there's always little oneshots and things that come up, so I'm willing to bet Cornucopia will be updated too.

You're getting so much more Reparations, my friend. And soon.

Thanks so much for reading and sending me my first ask. It's so nice to talk about this and to finally get the news out there that the story isn't over yet!

[waywardfangirl]

Both @captain-aralias and @palimpsessed ​did really nice posts to share their fics from this year as well as their thoughts on what they wrote, and I enjoyed reading their posts (and their fics!) so much that I thought I would take them up on their open invitation to do one too! I’m a big believer in keeping lists of your accomplishments to look at on days when self-doubt creeps in, so I encourage anyone else who might be interested to do this too! (All the questions are copied from @captain-aralias)

List of Completed Fics this year:

I wrote ten fics this year, as well as starting a ton of WIPs, which is amazing to me, considering I have only written fic once before in my life!

Slow - General, 3k

We’re Not in Genovia Anymore - Teen, 28k

Promises - General, 3k

A Privilege to Love You - Teen, 7k

Early Riser - General, >1k

Write This Down - General, 3k

As You Wish - Teen, 13k

The View from the Veranda - General, 4k

Down By The Sea - General, 2k

Just Want You to Know Who I Am - General, 1k (written in 2020, posted in 2021)

Total: 10 fics, 67k words, 100% Snowbaz

Pretty good for what is truly the first year that I have been an active participant in fandom!

Questions answered below the cut.

Best/worst title?

A Privilege to Love You is my favorite title, because I think the line is just so sweet, and it makes my heart melt.

We’re Not in Genovia Anymore is definitely my worst title, because that was just the placeholder name I gave the WIP, but then I got so used to it I forgot to change it to something better before posting. I still cringe a bit at that one.

Best/worst summary?

l am horrifically indecisive, so I have a few summaries that I like. Just Want You To Know Who I Am is short and sweet, and I think it conveys exactly what I want it to:

Baz is fine. He's fine. Everything is fine. (It just isn't.)

~A fic about being loved in all the little ways~

But I also really liked the quotes I pulled for The View from the Veranda, As You Wish, and A Privilege to Love You.

Early Riser also has a summary that I let break my heart:

Baz wakes up early now, even though Simon doesn’t.

I does very little to convey what the fic is about, but after reading the fic it hurts like I wanted it to, sooo.....

I think that Promises has the worst summary though:

Inspired by the song "Promises" from the musical Hadestown.

Simon and Baz have spent the last three years working on themselves and on their relationship. Now it's time for their next step together.

Best/worst first line?

Baz says it best to open The View from the Veranda:

I am not a man accustomed to enduring want.

However, Simon deserves an honorable mention for starting us off right in As You Wish:

Baz is such a prick.

As for worst opening lines, I don’t really think I have any. I have some that stand better as an opening paragraph than an opening line, but I place a lot of importance on the first line of a story, so I like to make sure all mine are strong.

Best/worst last line?

I am not going to spoil any last lines for anyone (I cover up the last page of books when I read to reveal it slowly, word by word, so I take last lines seriously!), but I will say that As You Wish has an adorably predictable last line that I love.

For worst last line, I have to say Slow. I liked the line itself when I wrote it, but then I learned later that people were interpreting it in a more steamy way than what I had intended, and because I feel like Slow is such an innocent fic and really highlights how important it is for Simon to not be rushed into every decision he makes, I don’t like that it sounds like he and Baz rushed into something else. (I just meant that they talked and maybe kissed a bit! That’s it!)

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

On December 31st, 2019, I was pet sitting when I came across a prompt for a Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement Snowbaz AU. I impulsively started to write, even though I had only written one other fic in my life (Check, Please!), and I had never written Snowbaz before. I kind of thought that maybe I would write one fic and that would be all, and that maybe one fic is all I would ever write, but I am so happy to have been wrong about that! I wrote way more than I could have predicted, and I even did NaNoWriMo! (I failed NaNoWriMo too, and I’m okay with that, because I want writing to be something I do for fun, not something that stresses me out.)

As a fun side note, Carry On is a fandom that I have returned to many times in my life, and it seems to have a special place on New Year’s Eve/New Year’s Day for me. I was given Fangirl as a Christmas present, and started reading it on New Year’s Eve, only to finish it and realize that the new year had arrived while I was engrossed in the book. I have spent multiple New Year’s Eves since engrossed in a reread of the book, or reading fic, and so it feels really fitting that I got into properly writing fic for Carry On as the year turned over.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

Literally all of this was unexpected, as I never planned on writing any more fic, but I think I am most surprised to have written multiple songfics. I never read many songfics, and didn’t often care for them, but I wrote Promises off of the song from Hadestown, Write This Down off of George Strait’s song, and then Just Want You to Know Who I Am because Caity got the Goo Goo Dolls stuck in my head.

What’s your favourite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

My favorite might actually be my most popular, so I’ll go with my close second favorites (it’s a tie)

A Privilege to Love You is a soulmate au, and those are my favorite things ever. I also received some of the best feedback on this one, and I feel like I did a lot of things that worked really well in this fic.

The View from the Veranda is just so wonderful for me though, it combines my love of history with absolute silliness for a friend (I love you Liz!!!), @krisrix did some INCREDIBLE art for it, and I just had so much fun writing it.

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

As You Wish was the most popular, hands down, with more hits, kudos, comments, and bookmarks than any other fic I wrote. It’s also the fic of mine that I reread the most, because it makes me so happy and I love all the silly moments.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

We’re Not in Genovia Anymore is probably the answer here. This isn’t entirely backed up by metrics, since it does have more hits and kudos than some of my other fics, but for how long it is and the work that went into it, I think it only got a portion of the attention I was hoping it would. That’s mostly my fault though! It was the first fic I wrote for this fandom, and so I have definitely grown as a write since! Additionally, while I feel like it has a lot of great moments and fantastic lines, I have some lackluster bits too, and it really suffered from not having a beta (I was too shy to ask anyone back then). It’s also an AU of a movie that isn’t as widely viewed as I previously thought, so that didn’t help either, and as I already said, this fic could have a much better title.

All that aside though, the people who have read and talked to me about this fic have really seemed to like it, so I’m glad that I did right by my fellow Princess Diaries 2 fans! (and all of the wonderful people who read it and commented nice things having never seen the movie, y’all rock!)

Story that could have been better?

Everything I wrote before asking someone to beta. I just talked about what I would improve in We’re Not In Genovia Anymore, but Promises could use some work too. Having a few wonderful friends help me edit my fics has really improved what I post!

Sexiest story?

Oh gosh, I am not someone who writes sexy things.

Having said that, The View from the Veranda was written in the style of a bodice ripper, so I think that makes it the sexiest story by default. Kris’s art also enhances its sex appeal by at least 200% (I laughed out loud when I was making the list at the start of this post, because I had entirely forgotten that fic is rated G - honestly, that tells you everything you need to know about me, my romance novel fic can be read by children haha) (I might give it a T rating at some point, just because I feel like it should have that)

**I just remembered the bonus chapter for As You Wish.... that might be the sexiest thing I’ve written haha 🤣

Saddest story?

Early Riser - I am a big believer in giving everyone who deserves it a happy ending, but this one is just an interlude of sadness and depression without any resolution in sight.

(If you read it though, please know that in my head they do get therapy and things do get better! Snowbaz always has a happy ending in my fics, even if I don’t write it out fully)

Most fun?

As You Wish - this one to me feels like the happy chaos of running and sliding around a big house in stocking feet, and I don’t have a better way to describe it than that. There’s a tiny bit of angst from Baz, and a little bit of panic from Simon, but I was smiling and having so much fun while writing this fic, and I really think it comes across.

Story with single sweetest moment?

A Privilege to Love You - I’ll let you decide which of the many sweet moments is actually the sweetest ❤

Hardest story to write?

Promises, no question about it. I had written two fics by that point, and people had been so nice, and some of you lovely folks had even started tagging me in WIP Wednesday posts and in Six Sentence Sunday posts, but I felt like I had no inspiration left and I kept worrying that I wouldn’t be able to write again. So, I forced myself to write something, and it felt like pulling teeth (and it honestly wasn’t very good), but I gifted it to the person who had been my biggest cheerleader and who had tagged me a million times, and that’s how @foolofabookwyrm and I became friends. Writing the fic sucked, but her friendship is worth it, a million times over 💜💜💜

Easiest/most fun story to write?

The View from the Veranda. I’m a historian, and I work a lot with primary sources and spend time speaking with others in 18th century language, so once I got into my “work mindset” the words just flowed. This was also a silly, happy story for me, because I included a lot of jokes for Liz, and there are a ton of details that are just hilarious if you work at the same place I do (sorry that none of you do, but let me just tell you, the descriptions of Simon are all based off of my most attractive colleague, and at least 15% of this fic is silly quotes from work). I think this was only supposed to be about a thousand words long, and I messaged Kris multiple times while writing just to tell him that it was getting out of control and I couldn’t stop writing 😂

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

Writing for Agatha in We’re Not in Genovia Anymore really made realize how much some of her (canon) story resounded with me, and I liked the deeper character study I ended up doing for her. I’m still always going to be the most in love with Baz, but I have a deeper connection to Agatha now too.

Most overdue story?

It’s still overdue. I have so many WIPs, at least seven of which are soulmate AUs, and I just keep starting more. In terms of actual planned release date though? I started writing a The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue AU for NaNoWriMo, with the intention of publishing it in January. It’s already the longest fic I’ve ever written, and I don’t think I’m even a quarter of the way done with it. I wasn’t happy writing for NaNo, because I don’t do well with creativity on a deadline, and I chose to pause work on that fic so I can actually enjoy writing it and end up with something I like once I finally return to it. Apologies to those who are anxiously awaiting the fic, I do hope to finish it this year, and I won’t post until it’s all done, so you’ll get a very rapid update schedule when it does come out!

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

I signed up for my first fandom event! I participated in the Secret Snowflake event, and wrote Down By The Sea for the wonderful @fight-surrender (and ended up with ideas for some other new fics too)! Even though I was actively failing NaNoWriMo when I signed up, I did manage to complete my fic on time, and I learned that it wasn’t quite as daunting as I was expecting it to be. (My biggest problem was my laptop breaking and having to do almost everything on my phone - I also learned once again just how amazing Liz is, as she helped me format and post to ao3, since I couldn’t do that properly without a computer)

I struggle with being creative on a deadline, but wanting to write a little over 1k in a month was much more achievable than feeling stressed about writing 50k in a month!

This year’s theme and the story that demonstrates it most:

I like the idea of the inevitability of love. I adore soulmate AUs, because I love the idea of a universe where not only does someone have a perfectly matched other person, but that there is a surefire way to find them. Even though I only published one soulmate AU this year, I feel like every time I write Snowbaz I am writing about a couple where love will, inevitably, win. In my mind they are always going to have a happy ending somewhere down the line where they are just purely in love. Even though love doesn’t magically fix everything, it’s still incredibly powerful, and I only want to create stories where Simon and Baz truly love each other.

Of course, with that as the theme, A Privilege to Love You has to be the fic that best demonstrates the idea of inevitable love - it’s a soulmate AU and a universe where Simon exercises his free will.

What are your fic writing goals for next year this year?

Finish and publish my Gentleman’s Guide AU

Finish and publish more soulmate AUs (I have so many WIPs you guys)

Plan more before writing

Work on improving dynamic scenes and the overall flow of my fics - I sometimes feel like I have too many lulls, and I want to write in a more engaging way

Promote my own work more! I am partially doing this post because there are multiple fics that I never shared on here! I plan to make banners for all of the fics I write this year, and to post them on tumblr at the same time I upload them to ao3.

The last few years have been a time of tremendous personal growth for me, and I really feel like I’m starting to understand who I am as a person, settle into myself, and like who I am. I’m thrilled to discover that fandom is still part of who I am and what I enjoy, and that I have more creative outlets in my life now than I ever expected to. My biggest goal is just to keep building on all of that, to use fic to explore who I am, to reflect what I like, make myself happy with my writing, and to hopefully make at least a few of you happy with my stories too!

[stilesssolo]

baby I’ll come back to you: coming soon

Well folks, since my current wip, where the wild things are, is winding down (there’s only one chapter left WHAT) and I’m taking off March/ early April from posting anything to focus on finishing up my remix fic(s) on time, I wanted to share a sneak peek of my next wip (mostly just so I could show off @dragonanddirewolf​‘s BEAUTIFUL beautiful art.) So here it is: the long-awaited Jonas Brothers au (sorta), which I hope to start posting in late April. I am really excited to start working on this fic, and even more excited to share it with everyone! Hopefully this little preview intrigues you and gets you as excited to read it as I am to write it! And tides you over while y’all wait for my next update, since I am incapable of really working on more than one project at a time. WHOOPS. Anyways, here it is, so enjoy!!

It feels like it’s been a bloody age since he’s actually seen both Robb and Theon in the same room. 

He spots them the moment he steps into the coffee shop, even though they’re tucked away in a back corner, away from prying eyes. Jon keeps his head down as he maneuvers through the crowded café, sunglasses still on even inside, just in case people are looking his way. It’s an old habit he has yet to break— out of the three of them, he certainly gets recognized the least nowadays, which is probably why all the tabloids claim he’s fallen off the face of the planet. Theon’s been doing movies, Robb was in a new band and is married to probably the most famous woman in the world, and Jon— well. He’s been living, best he can. Getting better, all of that bullshit. But truly, he hasn’t done anything like his brothers have in the past five years, so people don’t recognize him as much. Enough to squint at him in an I-know-you’re-famous way, but not enough to rush him like they do Robb whenever he steps foot outside his house. He outgrew his nineteen-year-old baby face and started tying his hair back, and all of a sudden it’s like he’s wearing a mask. 

Jon’s not sure how much longer that will last, though, because he has a feeling he knows why Robb’s asked them to meet him here today. 

“Jon,” he hears that familiar voice call, and he nods towards the two men at the back table, head still down. The last thing they need is the paps recognizing them, starting to spread rumors about the three of them all together again. 

“Hi,” Jon says, slipping into the booth, finally taking off his sunglasses. Light from outside streams in through the large windows, the busy sprawl of King’s Landing right before them. Theon slaps him on the arm in greeting; Robb smiles at him in that way he does now. That way that looks like everything’s fine, but where the light doesn’t quite meet his eyes. 

Gods, he can’t remember the last time his brother actually looked truly happy to see him. Probably before their last tour. 

He knows why, of course. Robb would never say it, but Jon knows that he blames him for the breakup. For everything. 

“Bloody hells, Jon, it’s been an age,” Theon says, grinning at him. “Where’ve you been?” 

“I’ve been here,” he responds, crossing his arms. “You’re the one who was off filming that movie for three months.” 

“Aye, how did that go?” Robb asks, gaze turning to Theon, that guarded look disappearing. “I haven’t seen you since you got back. You missed Rose’s birthday party, you know.” 

“I know,” Theon grumbles. “I’ll make it up to her, I promise. I have to maintain my favorite uncle status.” 

They chat for a while— mundane things, catching up. Theon tells them about the movie he’d just wrapped on. Robb shows them both a million new photos of his children. Jon keeps quiet, just listening. It’s… nice, to be back with both of them, the warm sunlight spilling in through the window, making Robb’s eyes shine like they used to when he was younger. It makes him forget, for a moment. Wish for those days back, when the three of them would spend every moment of their time writing music, pouring their hearts and souls into their careers. It was something so fleeting and magical, he’s not really sure he’ll ever find anything like that again. 

Jon realizes he’s lost track of the conversation when Theon clears his throat, looking at the two of them almost nervously, in a decidedly un-Theon-like way. “I’m glad we did this,” he says to them, “because I wanted to tell you both.” He pauses, looking at Robb, as if trying to gauge his best friend’s reaction before he even says anything. “I’m going to ask Sansa to marry me.” 

Robb’s eyes get comically wide, so much that Jon chuckles, ducking his head. But it only takes his brother a moment to recover, before he’s grinning widely, eyes sparkling in a way Jon hasn’t seen them in a long time. 

Or maybe that’s just because Jon seldom sees Robb anymore. 

“Wow,” Robb says, almost speechless. “That’s— that’s brilliant, Theon. Congratulations!” 

“Well, I haven’t asked her yet,” Theon says, giving Robb a look. “Don’t go cursing me or something now. She’ll go on and say no.” 

“You think she would?” Jon asks. Theon shrugs. 

“I don’t really, but— hells, I don’t know.” He gives Robb a look. “How did you know it was right when you asked Margaery?” 

Robb huffs in laughter. “Oh gods, don’t take advice from me on that,” he says, raising his hands in surrender. 

“What do you mean?” Theon demands. “You’re the only one of us who’s bloody married!” 

Jon looks down as the sudden feeling of coldness creeps in, like an icy dagger to the heart. Memories flash before his eyes, and he’s trapped back in the past, glimpses of hair like moonlight and teasing smiles dragging him down, drowning him. 

He still has that diamond ring somewhere— buried in the back of a drawer, probably, where he won’t stumble upon it. Seeing it is too painful, but getting rid of it— well. That’s painful in an entirely different way. 

“Aye, but Margaery made it easy for me,” Robb says. “She wrote a whole bloody album that basically told me she was waiting for me to ask her.” He laughs, shaking his head. “Y’know I still get asked if I married her with paper rings.” 

At that, Jon snorts, a little of the darkness lifting. He’s seen his goodsister’s engagement ring, and it is certainly not made of paper. 

Jon tunes out as Robb continues on, reassuring Theon. He doesn’t realize he’s being addressed until both men are staring at him expectantly. 

“Sorry, what?” he says, and Robb rolls his eyes amiably. 

“I asked, what have you been doing, Jon?” Theon repeats, and Jon shifts uncomfortably. Nothing, is really the most honest answer. Working out. Walking Ghost. Trying to keep his mind occupied and himself sober. 

It’s probably sad, to look at his life now, compared to what it used to be. When he was nineteen years old he was touring the world, singing for millions of fans, writing songs every single minute of every single day. Music was most of his life. And now he’s just— trying to get by, he supposes. It’s sad, but it’s what he’s become accustomed to. Just… making it through the day, one day at a time. 

“Er, not much,” he admits. “Not like you two, anyways.” 

Robb glances up at him, that guarded look back in his eyes. “Arya told me you’ve been writing again,” he says, quietly. Jon curses mentally— he never should have told her that. 

“Fuckin’ tattletale,” Jon grumbles. But he can tell from Robb’s expression he’s not going to drop it. “Aye, I have been,” he admits, heaving a sigh. “Not anythin’ good. Just… I dunno. I missed it, I guess.” 

“I miss it too,” Theon says, a smile tugging at his lips. “Acting is fine, but music… it’s something different, isn’t it?” 

“Aye, it is,” Robb agrees. “Margaery’s been workin’ on her next album, and it makes me think back to then. When we’d just crowd around the table in Mum and Dad’s living room, and Jon would come up with a lyric, and Theon would just hear how it should sound, and we’d write a song in an afternoon.” He sighs, a little wistfully, looking down. “Watching Margaery at the piano, it just…” 

“Feels like a part of you is missing,” Theon supplies. 

Jon doesn’t answer, but he knows what they mean. Maybe that’s why he began songwriting again. Not because he wants to have a music career anymore— just because it’s so ingrained in him, he doesn't really know what to do with himself if he’s not making music. And if he’s being honest, writing down lyrics, coming up with a melody on the guitar or the piano that mainly just collects dust in his living room… there’s a comforting familiarity to it. Like maybe his sense of self hasn’t been completely destroyed. Maybe some of the old person he used to be is buried down deep. 

“Do you ever think about it?” Theon asks, and Robb’s brow furrows. “Y’know. The possibility of… us. Getting back together.” 

Robb exhales slowly. “More than I should,” he says. “I… it’s really hit me, in the past few years. How much I miss it. And doing things by myself, or with other people, it’s just not the same.” 

“Aye,” Jon agrees, both Theon and Robb looking a little surprised at the fact that he’s participating in this conversation voluntarily. But he knows what Robb means. He did solo things after the breakup, just because he didn’t know how to do anything else. And it had been a lackluster replacement, nothing like he’d felt for the almost seven years he and Robb and Theon were together. 

“What about you, Jon?” Robb asks, and as casual as his brother may be trying to appear, Jon knows him better than that. He can hear the apprehension in his voice. And the hope. 

Jon exhales, trying to sort out his words in his head before he says something he regrets. “I… do miss it,” he says. “And sometimes I think about it. Gettin’ back together. But I always…” He hesitates. “Would it even be the same? Can we have that again, truly? Or was it just some miracle we stumbled upon we can’t get back?” 

“I wonder that too,” Theon admits. “If we got back together— would anyone even care? Would anyone want to listen to our music in the first place?” 

“I know what you mean,” Robb says, and his blue eyes flash with determination, desperation. Like he’s clinging onto this with all his might. “But I miss making music with you two. And I think if we truly did this, we couldn’t worry about the fans, or the people. We’d have to do it just for us.” 

Just for us, Jon thinks, trying not to roll his eyes. That’s a novel thought in Hollywood. All he seemed to do when they were a band was give and give and give himself away. Nothing here was ever just for him. 

Well… there was her. But now that’s gone as well. 

“I would do it,” Theon says, with a conviction that surprises Jon. “It would be hard, and who bloody knows what would even come of it, but I would. If this is you asking, Robb, then I say yes.” 

Robb blinks, a little taken aback, but then Theon’s words really seem to hit him, and he smiles. A laugh falls from his lips, eyes shining in a way that Jon rarely sees anymore. 

“What about you, Jon?” Theon asks, and that’s when Robb’s eyes dim. 

Jon sighs. “I dunno,” he says. “That’s… a big decision. I’d like to just say yes, but…” 

“I know,” Robb says. “And I don’t want you to say yes unless you really mean it, Jon. If you just… do this for us, nothing will end well.” 

His eyes drop down to the coffee table, heart heavy. Yes, he knows that’s true. Because isn’t that how it all blew up the first time? Jon couldn’t do it anymore, and instead of telling anyone, he soldiered on for Robb and Theon. For his brothers. And it all ended in fucking disaster. 

“I’ll think about it,” he promises, and the sincerity in his voice takes him by surprise as much as it does Robb and Theon. “Truly, I will.” 

Maybe it’s not a bad idea. He loved making music with Robb and Theon. It was his entire life for so long— some crazy dream they somehow made come true. The most surreal, incredible thing in the world, right there before them. And he does miss it. He misses having a purpose, an outlet, an… anything. He misses the time when his life wasn’t an endless void, a monotonous parade of going through the motions day-to-day, trying to learn to move on from something he never really thinks he’ll be over. 

Robb’s smile is warm when it meets his, and Theon claps him on the shoulder, looking uncharacteristically hopeful. And for a moment, Jon’s heart feels light, not like it’s made of iron, still heavy in his chest after nearly seven years. 

But then Robb’s expression shifts, and his stomach sinks once again. 

“There’s somethin’ else,” his brother admits. “Sansa just told me. And I figured you’d rather hear it from us, than see it plastered across all the tabloids in King’s Landing.” 

“What is it?” Jon asks, dread filling his stomach. He just knows, somehow, that this is it. This fragile peace he’s tried to build these past years is about to shatter, the rug pulled out from under him. 

Robb exhales, like he has to physically force the words out, and Jon prepares himself for the fallout.

“Dany’s back in town.” 

And with that, the world stops spinning.

[setsureadsshit]

Lost At Sea: A List of WIP’s I am finally letting go of [ Part 2 ]

[ Part 1 ]

Exactly what it says on the tin.

Very Sincerely Yours by semaphoredrivethru

Summary: Terrified at the prospect of humiliating himself in front of the ton and completely ruining his first season with his crippling shyness, omega Stiles Stilinski does the only thing he can; he invents a sweetheart away at war. A completely fictitious and utterly gorgeous captain, a gentlemanly paragon of romance and adoration, an alpha with whom Stiles spends years "exchanging" letters.Years later, an angry, war-battered Derek Hale shows up at Stiles's door. He's no gentleman, and vehemently denies the existence of anything remotely resembling romance. He's received every last letter and has come to collect on Stiles's promises of home and marriage, no matter what.

Last Updated: 2018

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Sterek

Personal Notes: AHHHHH, THERE’S NOTHING I LIKE MORE THAN A GOOD REGENCY BODICE RIPPER AU. HOW UNFORTUNATE THAT THIS ONE NEVER GOT FINISHED. IT WAS SUCH A GOOD START TOO, I AM SO DISAPPOINTED. AHHHHHHH SO SAD.

Sold by onlyastoryteller

Summary: The government has passed two significant acts that eliminate the rights of convicted felons. When Peter Burke learns that Neal Caffrey's Work Contract has been purchased by a private citizen, he springs into action.

Last Update: 2018

Fandom & Main Pairing: White Collar ; Baffery

Personal Notes: While this fic is amazing and it hasn’t been THAT long since it was last updated (trust me, I’ve held on to fics for over 5 years on the hope it’d get updated lmao), this fandom and pairing just doesn’t interest me anymore; mostly because The Bullshit Season really turned me off from the show.

Sypha’s Boys by ShifterCat

Summary: “Back in the tomb under Greşit, Alucard asked you about that prophecy involving him. And… you blushed.”“O-oh.” That brought her up short. “Yes. That.” Sypha glanced away, gathering herself, then looked back decisively. “‘The Hunter, the Scholar, the Sleeping Soldier: they shall travel together. They shall defeat great evil together. They shall… love together.’”Trevor blinked a few times, allowing that to sink in. Then: “Your prophecy says we’re going to fuck?”

Last Update: 2019

Fandom & Main Pairing: Castlevania ; Syvorcard

Personal Notes: I mean, it says what it is on the tin - it’s just a collection of smut vignettes and after the first 5 chapters the sex kinda just gets old and I start to crave actual plot. That isn’t to say it’s not well written and I didn’t enjoy it but..you know *hand waves* 

Partners by wordswehavesaid

Summary: In which Barry Allen is the Starling City Police Department's forensics assistant. Yes, Starling.

Last Update: 2015

Fandom & Main Pairing: The Flash/Arrow ; Flarrow

Personal Notes: I love love love love LOVE this fic. I love it SO MUCH and it physically PAINS ME to let it go but it’s time. Still, at 25 hefty chapters, it’s not really a bad deal to put your time into it.

Take My Body by paraselenewoman

Summary: Derek and Jordan are Alphas. Stiles is their newly obtained omega. Everything is pretty terrifying.If given the chance, though, Stiles probably wouldn't change a thing.

Last Update: 2015

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Derek x Stiles x Parish

Personal Notes: ......okay listen. I never said I was proud of all of my fic reading choices okay BUT SOMETIMES. SOMETIMES A BITCH JUST NEEDS SOME GOOD OLD FASHIONED A/B/O Dom/sub DYNAMICS IN THEIR LIFE OKAY. YOU CAN’T SHAME ME - but I am a little embarrassed to admit it so let’s head to the next fic.

That Which Binds Them by Flarrow

Summary: Everyone is born with a mark shared by their soulmate, located somewhere around their shoulder blade. They say the mark burns upon meeting one's soulmate. Oliver knows what his is, but doesn't believe in the system. Barry doesn't know what his looks like, but he wants it to be a surprise.Set in The Flash and Arrow universes, but AU in the sense that I'm not sticking to the storyline laid out in either series, though I may borrow elements when they work for the story. Barry and Oliver are still The Flash and Arrow. Idea of the mark's location was inspired by the brand Oliver received in “The Fallen.”

Last Update: 2016

Fandom & Main Pairing: The Flash/Arrow ; Flarrow

Personal Notes: I read this a while back but I do remember it being a really good story. At 18 chapters, I didn’t feel like giving it the full re-read treatment since I’m currently on a role but I DID take the liberty of reading the very last chapter and I can say you’ll leave this fic satisfied if you do read it, even though it’s unfinished.

Steve Rogers and the Tri-Wizard Tournament by gryffindor17

Summary: There’s not a person who walks the halls of Hogwarts who doesn’t know Steve Rogers: the boy with the righteous streak, hot temper, and massive crush on the Romanian Longhorns’ star Chaser, Bucky Barnes. But Bucky exists to Steve only on the front page of The Daily Prophet. He has long since resigned himself to admiring from afar, catching games when he can or otherwise following Barnes’s crusade against injustice through printed page.Until the man himself walks into the Great Hall on the first night of their Seventh Year.Bucky’s life outside of the spotlight is hardly worthy of a footnote, never mind a headline, but no one wants to read about Bucky Barnes being found face-down and fast asleep between the shelves of Durmstrang’s impressive library. Between his studies and the Quidditch Finals looming around the corner, the last thing Bucky needs is something like the Tri-Wizard Tournament. He knows Headmaster Pierce is expecting him to volunteer, but all Bucky really wants is to pass his N.E.W.T.S. and maybe twist The Minister’s arm into passing the bill about guaranteed pay for House Elves.That is until he spots Merlin’s gift to man sitting at the Gryffindor table.Then things get complicated.

Last Update: 2016

Fandom & Main Pairing: Captain America (MCU) ; Stucky

Personal Notes: It’s rare that I actually enjoy Hogwarts AU’s and I’ve kinda dropped out of the Captain American fandom so, while this IS really well done, I’m just not interested in it anymore.

Part Of Your World by Jenetica

Summary: Derek's a werewolf. Stiles is a merman. They're not supposed to work.Luckily, they're both determined to prove that particular fact false.Sequel to "Sea Foam and Sunshine."

Last Update: 2014

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Sterek

Personal Notes: This is the second part in a series and you should def read the first one it’s fucking great. The second one is also good but...you know. Not gonna be finished ever so.

Knot Your Playmate by Halzbarry

Summary: He quickly closed his laptop and laid back on his bed. Somehow he’d convinced himself to not only sign up for an online ABO hookup website, but to also meet up with not one, but two alphas to potentially sleep with and get him through his heat. AU where Stiles is an omega, and has to sign up for an online ABO dating website to find an alpha to bring him through his heat, and possibly be a match so he doesn't flunk out of high school and get sent to remedial school because of Harris. What he doesn't expect is to find two mated alphas looking for an omega, and for feelings to start getting involved. Notice: Fic is on indefinite hiatus and is no longer being worked on.

Last Update: 2015

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Derek x Stiles x Parish

Personal Notes: .......LISTEN. IT’s GOOD OKAY????

Last To Know by Never_Says_Die

Summary: Kink meme fill in which every werewolf and shapeshifter in Beacon Hills is aware that Stiles is pregnant before he is. And apparently the first baby!werewolf being born into the pack (their Alpha's, no less) is a big freakin' deal and excuse enough for everyone to lose their damn minds. When Stiles figures out why everyone's been acting so weird around him, he's not amused. 

Last Update: 2013

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Sterek

Personal Notes: This one is basically finished, like, it’s 21 of 22 chapters but the 22nd chapter would have mostly been just putting a bow on it, it’s already wrapped you know? It’s a really good fic I really love it, I should honestly just reblog it in it’s own right but I’ve already gone through the trouble of formating it so fuck it.

Lonely Road by CranApplePye

Summary: Stiles is running from things he doesn't want to face. Derek is running from a past he cannot leave behind. Their paths collide on a lonely stretch of road when Stiles' car breaks down and Derek is the only mechanic on hand. An unexpected closeness develops, but both men are harboring secrets and Stiles may have just found the one person whose luck runs worse than his own. When the past catches up with the future, it may be one collision that neither of them can survive, and it may end up pulling everyone they love down with them.As everything begins to unravel, choices must be made. Stiles must decide how far he's able to go to protect the people he cares about, and what he'll do when he hits his breaking point. Derek must decide whether he can overcome a lifetime of betrayal enough to trust in someone again, and what he's willing to sacrifice if he is. And Scott and Allison must decide what it means to stand by your friends, and what price they are each willing to pay to do what is right.

Last Update: 2015

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Sterek

Personal Notes: I AM REALLY MAD THIS NEVER GOT FINISHED. SUCH A COMPELLING STORY. SUCH A FRESH TAKE ON WHAT THE CANON COULD HAVE BEEN. AAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Lost In The Flood by Skaboom

Summary: When social services finally barges in and takes Isaac away from his father, granting custody to his aunt, Isaac gets the first good night's sleep he's had since his mother died, but that doesn't mean that everything is easy from there on out. There's a lot of lingering damage, and with everyone gossiping about him at school, it's hard to find someone to turn to, but with the help of a caring Aunt, a great therapist, and an unexpected friendship with Stiles, a kid on his lacrosse team, Isaac might finally be on the right path.

Last Update: 2017

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Stisaac

Personal Notes: Another sad goodbye, there has never been enough Stisaac fic in this fandom for me so seeing what few good fics there were go unfinished is particularly bitter to me.

[lunafeather]

Writer Asks!

tagged by @hereliesbethboland and @foxmagpie

AO3 name: Lunafeather

Fandoms: Good Girls(Brio), Wynonna Earp (Wyndolls), Rizzoli and Isles (Rizzles), Dragon Age (Solavellan, Alistair x Brosca, Tethraghast), Gilmore Girls (Java Junkie)

Number of fics:

18 on AO3, I think like 10 on ffnet?

Fic I spent the most time on:

I’m gonna have to say These Are a Few of My Favorite Things and Remix, both of which I’ve been working on since July ‘19 and are still very much works in progress (I haven’t abandoned either of them).

Fic I spend the least amount of time on:

If Kisses Could Talk. I saw the finale and literally stayed awake until the next morning writing it -- it just poured out of me in about 6 hours. It was my catharsis. Sal’ethast (Dragon Age) is a very close second, and it the most words I’ve written in the shortest time: 25k words in maybe 4 days? It was a Reverse Big Bang and I had a strict deadline. I work well under pressure! Who knew!

Most hits: 

Retribution (Solavellan) is first, followed by These Are a Few of My Favorite Things. People REALLY LOVE Retribution, it is by far my most popular DA fic. I still get new kudos to this day. And then obviously people love TAaFoMFT :)

Most Kudos:

TAaFoMFT, by a bit of a margin. Second place is One Question Left.

Most comment threads:

Again, TAaFoMFT hahaha I actually tend not to get very many comments on my stuff, which sucks, but this fic has twice as many comments as the runner up (Remix).

Most bookmarks:

Would it surprise you if I said TAaFoMFT? It also has the most subscriptions as well.

Highest total word count:

Sal’ethast. Remix is second with 11k.

Fave fic I wrote:

I’m gonna be weird here and say I tend to love everything I write?? At least, for the last few years. My ffnet stuff was terrible, but I was 16 so it makes sense. I’ve improved a ton. If I had to pick just ONE thing, I would probably go with These Are a Few of My Favorite Things. I’ve basically created my own little canon divergent universe with it’s own rules and guidelines, and I really like writing in it. I like using that world to explore angst and fluff and smut. Some of my best writing and prose is in that story. Plus, I love a shameless opportunity to explore two characters I am unbelievably attracted to haha

Runner up is Cake Break (Solavellan), cause like.... I love fluff, I love it, I would marry it if I could.

Fic I want to rewrite/ expand on:

I don’t know of any that I would rewrite. There are a couple I reread where I would change things based on where they’re at now/what we’ve learned about Brio, but it isn’t anything huge and so I leave it. Reminds me of better times lol

As for expanding, I am still obviously expanding TAaFoMFT and Remix, but I kind of also want to write other, more linear stuff for the former? Like how they get from “you’re just work” to them falling in love. I dunno, other stuff would probably pop up in my head. It’s my comfort blanket universe. I actually write a lot of prompt fills with that universe in mind.

All of my other pieces are relatively insulated (and most were canon fixes).

Share a bit of a WIP or story you’ve been working on:

My main priority right now is the next chapter of TAaFoMFT, I have it outlined (most of the next 16 chapters are outlined as well) and am slowly adding to it.

I have a lot of prompts I am filling here or there just for the sake of writing, because I like it.

There’s a prompt fill I’ve been working for almost a year that is incredibly self indulgent, that’s centered around Danny’s birthday pool party and it’s just... chock full of Brio being sexy fluffy, Annie x Nancy goodness, everyone being a big, weird family, Dean only showing up to be openly mocked and derided. I don’t know if I’ll ever finish it, but it’s there waiting!

And I have a nebulous idea for a post S3 multi-chaptered fic (gasp! I know! A linear fic with more than one chapter??) but I am like.... really worried that everyone will be writing these, and that mine is gonna be too much like someone else’s, and that mine will suck in comparison, and that gets in my head and makes me all flustered and anxious and unsure, but then I’ve already written 2000 words of JUST outline/ideas, trying to piece everything together. I dunno, I really want to write it, but also I don’t?? But I think about it as I’m falling asleep and have written so many notes in my phone before i pass out. Also, I have done SO MUCH research about pool and spa places, you guys have no idea. I am a FOUNTAIN of knowledge now. (Maybe they should get stuck somewhere, and there’s only one bed?!?)

Aaaaand I have a few ideas I still have a little interest in working on, like the fic inspired by a prompt fill I wrote that was inspired by a theory @cpt-falcon had about the S2 finale, where instead of breaking up with Rio, Beth tells him what Dean is doing and they hatch a plan to undermine him and get her kids back, and someone gets shot but for a different reason.

And another that was inspired by a long discussion with @johnisntevendead about Rio accidentally saying te amo to Beth one night and him freaking the fuck out about it cause you don’t say that unless you really fucking mean it, and he does, and that’s scary as shit, and Beth takes his reaction the wrong way.

So yeah, there’s a lot going on in my head lol

[x-rainflame-x]

7, 22 (The one you picked for 7), and 37 📝

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

So, as this is also the one for the next question, I went back to an older piece (Toy Soldier). 

The boy's face contorted into a snarl and he raised his head to look Roy in the eyes. "I blame myself!" he shouted, the words shattering the quietness like delicate glass. They stared at each other through the dimness, Ed's eyes daring Roy to deny his statement. "So go ahead and hate me. I deserve it. I deserve worse." With those words, the fire in his eyes died and tears spilled over. He quickly ducked his head again, hiding his face behind a curtain of blond hair.

I just like the imagery here xD I think maybe I used to do that better. 

22. Choose a passage from one of your earlier fics and edit it into your current writing style. (Person sending the ask is free to make suggestions)

The boy’s face twisted into a snarl. He raised his head to look Roy in the eyes, his shout shattering the quietness like glass.“I blame myself!” 

Silence hung between them, heavy and tense. 

Roy was afraid to breathe, like the smallest noise would break it, would break him. They stared at one another through the dimness, Ed’s eyes challenging, daring Roy to deny it. 

Finally, Ed huffed out a breath, eyes sliding away. "So . . . go ahead and hate me. I deserve it. I deserve worse." Tears pooled in his eyes, smothering the fire that had burned there, washing away all traces of bravado and leaving only despair. He ducked his head, hiding his face behind a curtain of blond hair.

37. Talk about your current wips

There are . . . so many xD

Okay, so Dead on Arrival is ALMOST DONE, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? Because I can’t lol. I literally just outlined the end tonight because I’m a terrible person and hardly outline beyond about ten sentences and was like, “Okay, Rainy, you really need to be sure you haven’t written yourself into a corner with this last chapter before you post it . . .” (FYI, I’m good :’D). 

Every chapter is a surprise. Did it fit in with my overall plan? Am I on target? FIND OUT NEXT WEEK /shot/. 

It’ll update tomorrow, probably. The chapter has been done for about four days, I just love to tweak to death because insecurity is a beast. 

Starlight, Star Bright is also winding down, but not as close as DOA is. I’ve done a fairly decent job of keeping them neck-in-neck with each other as far as updates go, but SSB is gonna be a tad longer than DOA, methinks. This one is super depressing, so I need frequent breaks from it haha xD

Other little side-projects I’ve got is I am ENTERTAINING the idea of that Anastasia crossover I mentioned earlier in the week, but then I’m like, where’s the artistic freedom? xD Will I be board to tears? Because I like being as surprised with chapter as the next person xD

Also, with all this quarantine time, I’ve got some STP one-shots that are drabbly/partially written that have been collecting dust on my hard-drive for YEARS that I’m considering dusting off and finishing up. And Royai week has also caught my eye, but 503 was such a marathon, I don’t know if I can keep up again xD

I’m also engaging in a friendly writing competition with my bf on writing a novel, so I’m in the research phase of it and am supposed to lay out the first chapter by Sunday (we’ll see how that deadline goes . . . everyone know how I am with deadlines :’D). Have I outlined a darn thing? NO. Sometimes I hate the way I am xD 

After SSB and DOA, I’m gonna be sad and twiddling my thumbs until the next multi-chapter fic tickles my fancy, or hits me in the head with a brick. I’ve got a first half of a chapter of a chimera fic written (because everyone else has done it xD) so maybe that’ll be it? IDK. 

[wichols]

This is my first time ever doing any type of fan prompted writing event for myself and let me tell you I have some thoughts!!

But before thoughts let’s talk numbers.

Start Date: 1/8/2020

End Date: 1/24/2020

Total Fics Created: 9

Total Word Count Posted: 11,935

Prompts Received Anonymously: 5

Prompts Received By Users: 4

Longest Fic: Burning Intentions (2,203)

Shortest Fic: Attorney First, Wife Second (754)

Thoughts:

It was interesting to see which pairs and couples my general audience was requesting. By far the two most popular requests where anything to deal with Kyoya (my OTP) and Mori. You wanted my two favorite boys to get some comfort and happy endings and I was happy to supply them. Now that I step back and look at them, I will give you little fun facts or interesting thoughts I had while writing each one (mostly because I think it is interesting how writers explain their process of writing or their opinions on their own writings). The list starts chronologically from first to last fic posted.

1. Bland Cereal & Pregnancy Brain (Mori x Haruhi) 

I imagine that of all the hosts these two will have the closest thing to what Haruhi would deem a normal life. They will make time for each other and always try to check in on each other. If Haruhi wants normal life filled with a steady stream of love then Mori is her guy. I giggled my way through this prompt at Haruhi and her oblivious nature (my favorite quality about her). This prompt took two sittings to complete. The first to write it and second to edit. Overall one of the quicker ones I wrote in this batch.

2. Attorney First, Wife Second (Kyoya x Haruhi)

 This fic is one of my favorites that I have written.  It is also the first posted fic where stuff gets steamy. I was gasping and eeping the whole time writing their steamy elevator interactions. This story took 1 sitting to write, edit, and post.

3. Solemn Tears (Kyoya x Mori)

As stated in the original post this is the first-ever M/M fic I have written. IT WAS SO HARD. Not because it was M/M but because both characters don’t really ever let their guards down long enough for them to cry. Not only that, I really had to dig and analyze what would really push them to the point that they would cry. Have you ever seen two brick walls cry? Cause I sure haven’t! Their dynamic is interesting and I am glad that I got this prompt to stretch my writing skills. Multiple sittings required because I had no idea how I was going to write it.

4. Shrouded Kiss (Kyoya x Haruhi x Tamaki)

Oh, the angst! Out of all the fics posted this one felt the most OOC. My first thought when I received the prompt was, “Kyoya never does anything by accident.” Haruhi was a little OOC in my opinion but that’s because of how Kyoya proposed the idea of finding love. Do I believe what he says about only knowing once you have tried things with different people? No, but there is merit to say that each relationship and person you are with is going to feel different. Some people are just naturally passionate people while others are more subtle with their love. From what I recall this was a pretty easy write and edit.   

5. Obliviously Pregnant (Kyoya x Haruhi)

Haruhi probably couldn’t even surprise Kyoya with a pregnancy even if she tried. She might not have married a doctor but when you marry into a family who is a leader in the medical business nothing will stay a secret for long. On top of that, I am sure that Haruhi is so focused on work that she would actually just convince herself that she is sick rather than being pregnant. Now reader, I know you are curious as to why I decided to bless them with twins. Well, you see…..plot device. That’s really it. Plus, after I asked Google about multiples and pregnancy I was plagued with diaper ads. Note to self, use incognito more often when asking questionable questions.

6. Salmon Side Effects (Tamaki x Haruhi)

This was the first “Free Space” prompt. And I was in the thick of writing and posting. By the time I got to this prompt, I was tired. Not long after I got this prompt I experienced a depressive episode and spent the week slowly crawling out of the pit. I just couldn’t bring myself to work on this fic. I knew I would have to write Tamaki super excited and all I could think about was trying to make it throughout the day without crying. But I got out of the pit and finished it. Multiple sittings needed for completion.

7. Unyielding Devotion (Mori x Haruhi)

I am not sure when it comes to other writers but I cannot read and write fic at the same time. And after binge writing the last few fics I needed a break. I needed to read some fic! One night I was scrolling through FF.Net and decided it was time to start working through my 70+ fics waiting to be read. Picked a fic and I was off to the races (Something Honorable This Way Comes by ilovemori9). It was sweet and wonderful and totally the opposite of a break-up prompt. I think with the break up he was trying to do right by her, wanting her to not be held back by what was required of him. When I first started brainstorming this prompt I was going to have Kyoya lurking in the shadows waiting to take Haruhi as his own but the story wrote itself and it wrote Kyoya out of the story. I think it is better that way.

8. Broken Banner (Mori x Haruhi)

TINY HAMMER! Running joke between @ohshcscenerios and myself. This was such a fun story to write! Once I started I just had to finish. I don’t normally lean towards cute and innocent so it was a nice change of pace. Mori is held in high regard but he is, after all, a high school 3rd year. And he has a soft spot for Haruhi. Also, did you know that Mori is 6’2” while Haruhi is 5’1”? How do you accidentally kiss someone who is a foot taller than you?? So part of the issue in creating this story was how to get their mouths close enough to bump lips. I think the outcome suited the prompt. This was a two sitting story. 

9. Burning Intentions (All Characters)

The final prompt….this prompt I tell you what. I will be honest I loathed this prompt in the beginning. I was utterly at a loss as to how I was going to write this. I opened the doc, stared at the prompt and closed the doc multiple times over the span of a week. It was like that episode of Spongebob where he had to write an essay and he felt like he was doing so much work but all he did was the fancy-looking “The”. I almost gave up on it. I almost posted an apology instead of actually trying to write something. In a last-ditch effort, I pulled up Pinterest and searched the word ‘fire’. And then an idea hit me! I wrote part of it one night and finished it up the next day. This story quickly became a favorite because of the witty banter between the hosts. I was laughing at my own writing. I am now very proud of this story!

Final Thoughts & What’s Next?

Throughout the last 16 days, I have accomplished many things when it comes to writing! I went from only having posted 4 fics to now having 13 fics. Today (1/24/2020) on FF.Net Boundless Opportunities (Kyoya x Haruhi) reached 200+ views. On top of the 11,935 words I have posted I have also written an additional 9,124 words for other projects I am currently working on. That is a grand total of 21,059 words written from January 1-24! In my free time, I also finished The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins and am 13 chapters deep with The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood. On top of everything else, I created a beta profile! I have done so much this month and I want to thank everyone for their support and kind words! They really do me so much to me!

January has been busy! So I am looking forward to celebrating Freedom February!! I am giving myself permission to do whatever I want in February. I still have 11 more paper books to finish as well as 100+ fanfiction stories waiting patiently waiting to be shown attention. Basically what I am saying is I want to spend more time doing other hobbies as well as work on some of my wips that I have been neglecting since I started this project. 

Speaking of wips I will be spending February obviously working on my Kasanoda x Haruhi fic but also an idea that sprung up into my head this past week produced a very interesting idea for an AU bad boy fic with Hikaru x Haruhi that has some potential to become another multi-chapter story. Too soon to say if anything will come of it but I want to keep my options open!

TL;DR: January was crazy. Lots of writing. Background information for each fic posted from the bingo prompts. A list of January achievements. Don’t expect me to post anything prolific in February. Using my free time to explore hobbies other than writing. Diving headfirst into digital and paperback stories. Hopefully, make progress on my two main unposted projects. Stay tuned for updates and questions regarding my wips. Thanks! 

Special shout out to @ohshcscenerios for helping me out so much! Half of my stories wouldn’t be nearly as good without your help!! Thanks for pushing me to write some fluff instead of just sad angsty fics! Go check out the blog for all your burning host club asks.

If you would like to read any of these fics you can find them on Tumblr, AO3, or FF.Net.

[trenchcoatkitten]

So I’ve been reading Temperature of the Heart, and you’ve mentioned how you have the whole thing written already. Can you describe what that’s like? What’s your writing process? How long does it take for you to write everything start to finish? Do you plan it all out or just kind of wing it? How long do you sit in an idea before you start?? Sorry about all the questions, I’m just so curious >_

bro!!! are you sure i will scream about writing for days omg

first of all THANK YOU its so freaking cool that you came to ask your questions and that you like my writing, im still sort of getting used to my writing not just being garbage that i read in the dark at 2am and never share with anybody, and i am always excited to answer questions waaaah 

(THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG I APOLOGIZE IM PUTTING A READING BREAK IN CAUSE I WENT OFF BRO, IM THE WOOOOORST) 

my process is pretty weird, it’s kind of all over the place? I’m kind of a halfway planner halfway pantser. I have an idea and usually make some disjointed notes about character and the main idea, in my phone or maybe on a google doc, and then a pinterest board maybe? Something to get excited about, a visualization. I ALWAYS tell myself im going to make an outline first and then i ALWAYS just jump right into writing because I’m too excited/impatient to wait. give me words on a page. give me dialogue. 

Usually when I’m a little bit into the project, when i know that I’m not going to abandon it to the depths off where my WIPs go to die (rip like literally over 300 individual and unique works, this is NOT an exaggeration, you should see my document bank its gross) Ill say “ok fuck you sami its time to actually know where you’re going” and I’ll sit down and make the grossest outline you have EVER seen. like im talking, my outlines are littered with memes, me yelling at myself, actual stuff thats going to end up in the final project, and just general random garbage? its so gross. Ive literally only showed one of my outlines to one person ever (hi akira!) bc im super self conscious of them and hate the way that i write them. making an outline usually sucks up an entire day of writing. they’re pages and pages because some parts will be INCREDIBLY specific and other parts will be so vague you dont even know

From there, when im done with my garbage outline, (after going back through what I’ve written and fixing the shit that was just me going off like a psycho) I usually start writing in earnest. I’ll highlight the parts of the outline that I’ve done and I’ll go back and check it often to make sure im following through on my plans and the character arcs and such, making sure that everything ties in and such. This section is me like. every day getting home from work or whatever and sitting down at the computer and not moving until 2am, this is the section where i forget to eat and I dont sleep enough and i forget to drink water or take my vitamins and I do word sprints with myself and have days where I write 10 thousand words in one sitting. (very not healthy and also terrible i do NOT recommend) this is the section where I’ll handwrite anything i can in the back of classes and at rehearsals because im pouring out words.

during this section I go back and edit ENDLESSLY. i cannot write something and just let it be. I go back to the section I wrote the night before, I go back to the section I just wrote, i go back to the very beginning. I generally dont have to do 1st 2nd 3rd draft this way, but it is much more time consuming as Im just writing. i dont know if i reccommend this its a MESS

THeN once i finish writing the whole thing, i sit down and reread/edit the whole thing once through. this makes sure i have good flow, the paragraphs go together well, the prose feels right to me, timelines make sense. during this time i make ENDLESS paper notes with calendars, section notes, additions, drabbles, thoughts about my own shit. i have notebooks full of just garbage. im not kidding. full notebooks. 

Once I finish that read/edit through I’m usually happy. only once something is completely finished will I consider posting. I go back too much, I add shit, I can’t let go of shit, not until it’s done. While I’m posting - I go through the chapter I’m going to post with a fine tooth comb, try to catch any tiny little mistake, add words here and there, but never change anything large if I can help it. Then i format it on Ao3 (this is literal hell, fuck the HTML editor it wants me to die) and then post it. Deciding to post a chapter to actually hitting ‘post’ usually takes me 1-4 hours, depending on the length, the difficulty of formatting, and how many goddamn links i wanna put in the chapter notes cause im the worst~ (insert jean ralphio voice) 

~~~

LISTEN im probably super extra but I’ve been writing since I was in sixth grade (thats twelve years! time is an enigma and i hate it!) and so I have a bit of practice, i have a bit of experience and while I’m not the best me that I can be, I KNOW myself, and this is just what works best for me. 

As for timing - it depends on the length of the project and how motivated I am. It took me about a month to write Royal (~50k), just a little over a month to write All Might’s All Night Shop Stop (~75k), and just about two months to write Temperature of the Heart (~115k). I try to post every few days, because as a person I hate waiting and I don’t want to do that to my readers! 

~~~

As for the ‘how long do i sit on an idea before writing it’ it really depends. Some things I will receive inspiration or a sliver of an idea and start writing it in the next ten minutes, even if I have to stop working on something I’m already working on, because that was Brain Has Decided. Sometimes I will consider an idea for like. months before actually doing it. I’ve had the idea for FBoW (the newest thing im working on oops? have i told anybody about this NO cause that will make it REAL) since before I started Royal, which was like. Last november. But I just couldnt quite do it for some reason, and it wasn’t pressing. My brain is super broken, and a lot of times I get sick over ideas. I can’t sleep or eat until I’ve written, and I will repeat phrases to myself until i can get them out of my head by writing them down. (Sometimes this is something nice or poetic - “The golden hour lights up the whole world, wiggling its fingers into every nook and cranny, lighting up two people lounging on a bench-swing, someone leaned onto porch stairs with a mug of tea, the space between those walking down a dirt road, a couple of dogs laid out on the deck.” and other times its literally “Ranch Fiddlesticks.” I’m not kidding. i have a note in my phone that says ranch fiddlesticks because I was actually going to Die if i didnt write it down.)

I do wish my brain didn’t do this - but I guess it makes some fun art, doesn’t it? 

WOW OKAY THIS WAS SO LONG im so sorry jesus christ. SOrry i will ALWAYS go off about my process and what it’s like to write. Writing is so so important to me, I LOVE it with every tiny atom of my weak, alcohol-infused, overworked heart. Despite how scary it is sometimes I am very glad to be sharing my work with the world, seeing peoples’ reactions and hearing things about my words, hearing how this little picture in my mind has gone into yours. 

okay jfc im done now im so sorry. thank you again and again and again, a thousand times over, for reading my work and enjoying the worlds that i enjoy building. It makes me feel like I’m worth it. It makes me feel like I’m doing something good. 

ily :’)

[human-nonsense]

Chapter 1 of my WIP

Hey looking I'm being a writeblr lol. So I've posted parts of this chapter before but this will be the full chapter. its definitely not perfect (its like a slightly edited first draft lol) but I tried lol. I appreciate anyone who reads this! Hope you enjoy <3 <3 <3 

Tagging @marvel-and-writing @northofnowhere4 @kaz3313 @cassandra-yannu-writes and I’ll tag you @kiki-thelocal-farmhoe even though you read it already ajkdjjfhakjhf 

Paige had asked me not to follow him that morning. I lasted not even five minutes before I grabbed my cloak, projected out of our realm, and make my way toward the Earth against his wishes. He honestly should have known better than to ask such a thing of me, especially today, but I think he was so much of a nervous wreck when he left that my role in all of this must have slipped his mind. Probably.  

As I traveled through the space between Earth and my home, a small ring of blue appeared in front of me. Without hesitation I reached out and pulled the sides until it grew big enough for me to step through it. With my feet hitting the soft ground the smell of grass filled my nose and I smiled. It’s been a while, I’ve missed you.

Then the smell of cattle and shit reached me, and my face cringed a bit. I blinked a few times as the portal disappeared behind me and the sunlight blinded my eyes. The shapes around me cleared and I found myself standing in a field among 20 to 30 black and brown cows. Their brown eyes were all on me, and I raised my hands in surrender.

“Hello darlings, it seems I’m in the wrong place. Any of you know where Mistwood is?” One particular cow made a muffled mooing sound before completely turning her backside toward me.  Ignoring my question, she ripped at the grass below her.

“Ok sorry for asking.” I muttered a few curses along with “Rude cow,” as I put my hands down. Treading carefully as I avoided cow waste, I tried my best to look past the cows and off into the horizon in hope of seeing buildings. I can’t be THAT far off...but then again, the Earth is pretty large. I frowned.

 “AYE! Get away from my cows!” I turned around and found an older man shaking a shovel in the air. He was steaming as he paced quickly toward me.

“Who are ya, huh? You trying to steal me cows? Speak thief! I won’t continue to be taken advantage of just cuz you people thing I’m old! You hear me!” I side eye the cow that had ignored me earlier as I muttered, “As if I’d want your cows.” “What you say!”

“I said I’m lost. Can you help me? I’m trying to get to Mistwood.” By this time, he was now a few feet in front of me. He was shorter than me with a ragged white beard and a small hunch in his back. He dug his shovel a bit into the ground and leaned on it as he studied my face with narrow beady eyes.

“So... you’re not trying to steal me cows? How do I know you’re telling truth huh? I’ve been robbed before, how do I know it wasn’t you who robbed me last time! I’m not dumb! I’m-”

I placed a hand on his shoulder and felt a coolness grow on my palm. My eyes caught contact with his and I smiled. I could feel as the old man’s tense shoulder relaxed in my grip. The shovel slipped from his grasp and landed with a thud on the ground. His eyes gleamed bright for a second before dimming down to their natural brown. I smiled again.

“I promise I have no desire so steal from you. Now can you tell me where Mistwood is?” The old man’s fists clenched and relaxed at his sides. He took a deep breath before he gurgled the back of his throat and spat to the side. I had to hold myself from twisting my face.

His eyes gleamed again as he said, “It’s roughly 200 miles East from here.” I glanced in the direction he was pointing and let go of the old man. East? Oh that’s right, I forgot that’s the new north. Who was the dumbass who switched those around? It wasn’t me was it?

The old man shook his head a bit. He probably felt the usual groggy and confused, but I didn’t have the time to explain to him what I did or say that I was sorry. I could always come back and do that. I could even give him a cow or something. Better yet I could deal with the people stealing from him, but for now I had to find Paige. I hope I find him before he finds her.

I was already making my way through the cows, my eyes peeled for their crap, by the time I heard his voice again. “Aye, wait! Wait one second young lady, what was... I feel... WAIT!” Now outside of the herd, I turned to face him as I continued to walk steadily backwards. “Yes?” Struggling to keep up he asked, “You’re not gonna walk all the way there are you? It will take days and you got nothing with you. What kind of traveler travels without supplies huh? Are you sure you’re not up to something bad like stealing-”

A large blue ring of energy burst open behind me stopping him in his tracks. “Of course not, thank you for your time Jaymes. May our paths cross again another day...or something.”  I stepped back into the portal and I watched as his eyes grew wide. His mouth hung open as the ring closed around me. Before the portal completely closed, I popped my head out and quickly told him, “And good luck with the cows and the harvest. Remember not to drown your plants that what got you in trouble last year, ok bye”

I vanished with a pop. The words “how did you...” echoed in the distance as I made my way toward Mistwood.  I was careful not to arrive anywhere crowded, I did not need to freak out a crowd and create a whole mob today. Some Earth Humans may know about magic but not all of them. And as for the few who practice it, their abilities could never compare to what Paige and I could do.

I peeked through the small ring to check if the area was clear before stepping into an empty alley. I took a moment to rest against the brick wall that ran down most of one side. Those portals really do a number on me, especially when I miss. With my eyes closed and my back against the wall, I blindly padded down the various pockets hidden within my black button-down vest. It took me a second but I final took out a light blue cloth out of a pocket of my navy-blue britches. The cloth was long enough to tie around my face up to my nose, which I did.  I waved my hand slowly across my face and the cloth glimmered as it changed into a dark mask.

The mask waved and shimmered giving it the illusion that it was made from fluid water like shadows. I use this technique usually to make sure my face will be covered no matter what lighting I may walk through, but also, well, because I thought it was cool. It covered everything except my eyes. Finally, I got off the wall and put the hood of my cloak up to hide the rest of my head from sight. Not wasting anymore time I paced out of the alley and on to the semi crowded sidewalk.

I think I blended in with crowd well enough? My clothes were definitely not as flashy or bright as they could be, but they were nice.  I got a few glances no doubt due to the speed I was walking and the fact I was just slightly pushing past some of them. Not too hard of course, I don’t need to accidently break one of them or something. Oh that would be the last thing I need today, another headache to explain to Paige.  

“Hey what’s the rush huh!” I briefly turned back to give the slow man I had bumped past a look. He spilled a bit of the drink gripped in his hand as he jumped back, practically out of his skin.

“Ahh sor- sorry.” He stuttered before I turned back and kept walking. I’m going to take it that my eyes are really red right now if I freaked him out that badly. On a less stressful occasion I probably would have enjoyed messing with an Earth human, just a tiny bit, but my thoughts of Paige pushed any thought of fun out of my mind.

There was no telling where he could be, the city of Miswood was a very large, busy, and modernized city that he could literally be three steps behind me, and I’d probably never know. So instead of search for Paige I decide to head straight for the hospital I knew would be his end destination.

The place, unfortunately, was a building he has visited many times before, but today would be a different kind of visit if everything went according to plan. I have been to Mistwood’s Hospital of the Sun many times too for various reasons, so I knew my way well. It seems that Paige and I are often...needed in those sorts of places.

After a block I decided to just run for it. With every step I was cursing out my portals. A few lifetimes of practicing and I still can’t do the stupid things right 100% of the time. They’re just weird to me and so hard to navigate in that you basically have to guess when to step out unless you’re constantly peak out all the time. I am not afraid to admit I get lost...a lot, and that’s why I’m running because I don’t want to try again and accidently end up in another city like an idiot.

Maybe my frustration blinded me or I was too busy keeping myself from wheezing too loudly, but I completely ran past him before I registered his existence in the corner of my eye. Skidding to a stop, I took a few steps back and saw a pacing Paige mumbling loudly to himself back and forth farther into the alleyway next to me. His hands covered his masked shaking face as he said to himself, “I can’t do this, I just can’t! It will be one big mess!”

My attention being solely on him I gloriously rammed the side of my hip and leg into a metal trash bin on my right while I was making my way toward him. I grunted and cursed, grabbing at my side as the metal bin crashed with a loud CLUNK on the floor before spilling most of its contents between the two of us. Paige’s head snapped my direction. The air around us picked up and cooled to the point we could faintly see each other’s breathes. In seconds it warmed as the air calmed the moment he recognized me.      

“Greenwood?” He whispered. His hands were slightly shaking and his eyes wouldn’t meet mine. Rubbing my side and giving a frustrated kick at the bin below, I made my way closer to him. “Paige, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be­-”

“I know!” he interrupted loudly before quickly covering the part of his mask where his mouth would have been.  He waved the same shaking hand over his face and his dark shadowy mask similar to mine vanished into a small white cloth. Still not meeting my gaze he pulled the cloth down to his neck before running the same hand through his brown hair.  

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have...I shouldn’t of... I’m just...” sighing he started again. “I’m scared. Of what she will think of me. I don’t know how much she might remember and... it’s hard. So I panicked half way and I just...” he gestured the alley around him. I waved my mask off and pulled the cloth down. I was close enough now that I could reach out and touch him so I placed a hand on his shoulder. He kept his head down so I cocked my head to the side to try and met his gaze.

“Hey, I know what you mean. The closer I get to her... the more terrified I feel.” His eyes finally glanced up to me. “You have no reason to be afraid. She’ll love you if we can do this right but me...” I placed my other hand on his other shoulder as I smiled at him. “Exactly Paige! If we do this right she will... we will have another chance to make things right. To make it up to her.”

Paige was quiet as his icy eyes searched my now blues ones, considering the conversation. A small grin made his way across his face.

“You’re not trying to use some magic shit on me now are you?” I laughed before letting him go. “Me? Of course not, though I did have to do some to get here.” “You didn’t use the trees?” “I...didn’t think about it to be honest. I wasn’t thinking straight and I got just a bit lost, but I’m here so what does it matter, right?” He shook his head, his grin not leaving him.

“I thought I asked you to stay put?” “Can you really blame me! I mean what would you have done if our roles were reversed, huh?” “Not far from the same thing.” His grin fades as the daunting weight of his task fell on his shoulders once more.

Twisting one of my fingers in front of me, I continued. “And now that I’m here, I can help.” He looked down, his eyes glancing at his sword. “It’s still mostly up to me though.” “That’s true. I can’t do this for you, I know that, but I can walk with you, yeah? And when we’re there, I promise I won’t be far.”

I gave him my best smile and he gave a short laugh. Nodding he answered quietly, “You never are.”

He looked off to the side in a daze. His hands were shaking a bit less now, however one of them was grasping the shiny silver sword at his hip tightly. Blinking out of his daze he looked at his sword again and slowly nodded his head. I watched him intently, as old memories resurfaced no doubt in both of our minds.

At last he said, “I made a promise to try didn’t I. So try I will. For her.” He looked my way and I gave him a nod. “For her.”

Paige took a deep breath before placing his palm on his chest. “What color should we be then?” I thought about it for second before answering, “I don’t think there’s many Ohpan humans this down south so... Ralodan?” He nodded his agreement and I put my own hand on my chest. Together we said,

The true form of the universe is unknown

It is hidden within a color we can not see  

Just like I wish to be

Make me Ralodan

           As our final words left our lips, a white light extended from our hand. The light beamed bright as it expanded from our chests causing the parts of us the light touched to disappear. In a matter of seconds, we were completely gone, or at least we would appear to be among the Earth Humans. They wouldn’t be able to see or hear our footsteps. As long as we kept our mouths shut and hands to ourselves it will seem like we don’t exist at all. We gave each other a once over to make sure we were completely covered before I lead us out of the alley way.

Neither of us walked with much of a hurry. I could only guess Paige was trying to stall as much as I was. Though my face felt emotionless my hands could not stop twisting in front of me. Just thinking about where we were heading made my stomach drop and my heart beat a bit faster. Paige though calmer, was still gripping his sword tightly and his shoulders were tense with stress. I looked away from him and smiled to myself. I guess we’re still just as human as anyone else huh...

I crashed into Paige’s backside, my distracted mind not realizing he had stopped. I whispered my apologies, but he didn’t pay me any mind. His eyes instead were glued on the towering hospital a block in front of us.

For a second I thought he might run away. He was paler than before and wouldn’t look away from building and I was prepared to catch him if he did decide to flee. However, he only put his hands in the pockets of his old black leather jacket before walking ahead of me. I took a moment to watch him and look up at the rows of windows higher above. I wonder which one’s hers...I thought, instantly making my stomach drop again. With a hand pressed to my gut I followed behind him.

No one paid us any mind as we entered the hospital. The waiting area was full of buzzing people rushing here and there. Some of them I recognized as doctors and alchemists due to their orange, red robes that had a large symbol of the sun on their backs. Paige and I had to be patient and observant enough to stay out of people’s ways. This made catching up to Paige to be a bit of a struggle but hey like I promised him, I wasn’t far off.  

In the middle of the hospital stood four large blocks of wooded lifts that were each separated by maybe a couple feet of marble flooring. Each lift had four poles to hold up a thin roof that was decorated with silver sun symbols on the top. Large silver chains were attached to each corner of each lift. With my eyes I followed the chains up the seven levels of the hospital all the way to the clear glass roof that allowed the sun to beam directly on the lifts and then some.

I watched with a proud smile as the symbols of one of the full lifts glowed red and the chains began to rattle. Up it went, faster than one would expect just looking at the weight it carried, but the power of the sun is a strong force. A joy filled me. Using the power of the sun took the humans millions of years to figure out and only a few thousands to relearn it, I was proud of them.

As Paige and I carefully dodged and maneuvered through the people we soon were able to reach the lifts. Paige managed to get on one with ease while I had to jump desperately reaching out for one of the poles as the lift left the ground. With the machines speed I only managed to grab the bottom of the pole. I felt my legs dangle down below and I willed myself not to look down. Silent as I could be, I pulled myself up and looked at Paige. I narrowed my eyes at the grinning face he did not try to hide. I gave him a very colorful gesture before gripping the pole tightly as the lift buckled to a stop.

There were three people being carried on a cot on the lift, two stronger looking individuals were at both ends of each one trying to keep the cot steady. These cots took up most of the space. A few clusters of families stood here and there with doctors in between them attending to the patents. As a cot and company made their way off the lift, a larger crowd of people took their places. The new flow of people pushed Paige and I tightly to the corners of the lift to the point we were both standing on the outside of the poles. The tips my feet barely stood on each side of the pole with the back of my feet touched nothing but air as a small family inched its way closer to me.

My stomach swirled as the lift buckled to life and I felt the absence of floor below me. Against my better judgement I glanced down just as the lift zipped upward. A sharp curse left my lips as my stomach dropped at the sight of the long-tilted drop below me. I closed my eyes and pressed my head on the pole as I tried to forget the image. It filled me with only a little bit of peace to know the marble floor did have an enchantment placed on it to make sure no one could fall to their deaths. Don’t ask how I know that.

I open my eyes briefly and a small child that belonged to the family in front of me was scanning his eyes my direction.

Well shit. Paige was watching quietly to my left. He had more room than I did with both feet standing firmly on the floor. I didn’t know what much he could do if anything.

Just looking at him all I could tell the child was eight and named Kelith. While glancing around for my voice, his curious eyes lingered on my face for a few seconds. I held my breath. His gazed moved on yet a frozen state took me as he reached out toward me with his small hand. I sucked my stomach in the closer he got. My heart thundered in my chests as thoughts reminded me of the open air behind my back. Shoo! Shoo! Please don’t make me have to drop and get another lift! Please Kelith! Mind your business!    

His small hand touched the pole a few inches below my hands as the lift came to another stop. His family, who were more concerned with their fallen family member then any sound I made, trailed a few doctors and a cot off the lift and onto the fifth level of the hospital. The child not wanting to be left behind followed quickly behind them giving me the opportunity to breath.  

Seconds after making are way up again I hear the taunting voice of Paige say, “That could’ve gone worse. I do wonder what you would’ve done if he had found you out.”  Glancing around the lift I found the lift to be a lot emptier than it had started out with. “I wasn’t about to fight an eight-year-old if that helps. Even if it was tempting.” He smiled and opened his mouth to answer only to close it into a thin line when the lift stopped for the final time.

A hand brushed over Paige’s paling face and through his hair.  “This is her floor isn’t?” I heard no answer. Light blue eyes were hazed in thought as they stared down the hallway before us. I glanced past him and watched the last cot getting situated to step off before looking back at Paige. Placing my hand on his shoulder I found tension there. Faint droplets of sweat adorned his forehead. The cot was halfway off the lift by now.

“Come on Paige.” There was pause of continuing silence. Before I could consider trying to drag him off, he nodded and walked forward. I followed behind and heard the rattling sound of the chain coming to life as my feet meet marble.

My eyes never left him as we continued through the hallway. Watching his stiff and uncomfortable presences made my mind fill with its own fair share of nervousness. Each quiet step we took, each stressed doctor holding files of paper rushing to some unknown room, each pained patient I caught glances of through windows and doorways... I wanted to bolt back home. I wasn’t ready to face her. I was a brave coward, I guess we both were. Brave enough to keep going but so much of a coward that I regret how far we’ve come. Then we turned a corner, Paige slowly stopped and that’s when I could hear a heart beating. I couldn’t tell if it was mine, but it echoed distantly as Paige turned back to finally look at me.

He leaned in closer as he whispered, “We’re a bit early, the morning nurse is still with her.” My eyes glanced against my will to the small window of the room to my right. That heartbeat returned stronger than before to only quieting down as only the light orange robes of the nurse filled my view.

I looked back at Paige just as he was recreating his mask. Instead of the shadowy void that we had worn before was now a simple polished blue porcelain half mask. The door clicked open and out stepped the nurse between us oblivious to our presences. I gently caught the door inches before it clicked shut. Paige made sure the nurse had made it down the hall before speaking again. The white of the walls, the emptiness of it all made it feel like nothing else existed, only this hallway, this room, me, Paige, and…

A weight filled my chest. I didn’t know how I was going to be able to walk through this door and face her if the thought of her alone made me anxious.

“Will you come in with me?” whispered Paige, his eyes practically begging me to say yes. I nodded. He relaxed just a bit.

“But I’ll stay like this, I don’t want to be seen just in case she remembers me.” “You know there’s only a small chance of that.” “But if she sees us both it will increase the chances. I don’t want to risk it. It will be too much for her if she remembers us both.”

Paige fiddled with the zipper on his jacket. “You’re right… I just think she would prefer to see your face over mine.” He places his hand on his chest and softly chanting,

I am of the Earth and the Sea

And of the space between all things

Let me be seen

Like before a white light beamed from his hand and traveled the extent of his body as it dispelled the color Ralodan that had covered his former self.  

He took a deep breath before facing me. “Where do you think I should start?” That question had a million answers. Over the last couple of centuries, it has haunted every quiet moment I’ve ever had, yet I still had no for sure answer even now that the question mattered.

“I…I can’t tell you that, but I do know not to start at the beginning. Maybe instead start with the chapter before that.” Paige nodded. He managed to take a step towards the door before I grabbed his shoulder, stopping him.

“Hey everything will work out, yeah? I know you can do this Paige.” His tensed shoulders relaxed only slightly. “I don’t think you have enough energy to magic my stress a way Greenwood.” “It was worth a try.” He patted the top of my head before pushing the door open and making his way into the room. I shook the nervousness out of my hands quickly before following right behind him.

I could not help by smile the second I saw her. There she was, after so long, she was now only a couple feet in front of me, of us. She was young, only 21 years old. Her dark blue eyes were a bright contrast against her light skin and the dark bags that laid beneath them. Her dark hair was a mess that came to her shoulders. The girl was pale and sweaty. She coughed and closed her eyes as she rubbed her chest. I thought she would pass out, but her droopy eyes reluctantly opened again. Almost like coughing drained her of all her energy. Like she was wasting away like an old woman laying in her death bed. My heart ached just looking at her.

Spread out on her bed were varies pieces of paper, pencils and pens. A pair of scissors was lazily grasped in her hands. She must have been doing some sort of crafts, as best as I could tell. At first, she didn’t notice us when we walked in. Her focused gaze was toward the large window to her left. I managed to catch a glance of the small birds that were chirping and dancing right outside the glass before the door closed with a click behind me. Hearing the door, she blinked out of her thoughts and turned our way.

A small sharp gasped escaped her, stopping Paige in his tracks. She turned her head in confusion as she studied him. Paige took another step and the girl moved back in her bed away from him.  

“You…who are you?” she managed to whisper.  A tense Paige took another small step towards her. The girl gripped her scissors a bit tighter in her gasps. I put an arm out in front of Paige to stop him from getting any closer. He didn’t look at me but as I quietly made my way away from him, he didn’t move a muscle.  

 “Hannah, I’m not here to hurt you. I-” “You know my name?”

Do you ever have that moment when look at someone and their face and very existence makes you so angry you could just punch them in the face then and there? Do you know that feeling? Well, I watched as the slightly fearful, yet curious look on Hannah’s face twisted to burning rage seconds after hearing Paige’s voice and I knew that moment was happening now. Her blue eyes burned dark. Her whole body started shaking, I thought she was going to explode. She had changed so much from the sick weak girl she had seemed that I took a few cautious steps away from the two of them and toward the window.

“That voice... where do I know that voice.” She said through strained teeth. My eyes grew wide. I looked at Paige and he was already looking at me. I could tell the same thought was running through our minds. She remembers.

“Why do I know your name! Tell me who you are! Or get out!” Goosebumps appeared on my arms as a dark and heavy energy creeped its way through the room. It felt warm. I could see it seeping out of Hannah as her anger grew. I looked at Paige and he was pale and sweating.

Desperately he pleaded, “Wait! Please hear me out. I’m here for you. I’m here to-” “Here to kill me.” Her voice was dead cold. I was worried now. I needed to do something but what could I do? If I reveal myself and she recognized me there was no telling if that would make things better or worse.

“What? No! I just-” Hannah threw a pillow and Paige took it right in the face. “Get out! NOW!” Paige gave me a pleading looking as he clutched the pillow like a shield between him and Hannah. I gestured with my hands something that said “What do want me to do? I’m trying to not be known!”

 Trying again Paige pleaded, “Look, look, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you-” Hannah wasn’t listening though. She instead was seconds away from pressing the emergency button on the side of her bed. Paige noticed and clicked his fingers. A blast of air covered the room just as her hand slammed on the frozen button. A shiver went down my spine. The air was noticeable cooler than it had been a moment before. It did not mix well with the heavy heat of Hannah’s rage creating an almost humid feeling to the room.

Hannah hit the button several times, but it wouldn’t move. Grunting in frustration, her eyes zoomed around the room and stopped as they met the window. The birds were there only they were still, frozen in flight. She snapped her head to Paige making him raise his hands in surrender.  

“What did you do!” she yelled. Paige was backing away now, the energy was crawling toward Paige and I had no idea what to do. “You were going to call for help and I panicked, I’m sorry! I here to-”

The dark energy blasted in all directions in the room. I raised my hand to block the blast. BOOM. I felt small thuds hit my back as the window behind me exploded. Hannah screamed in surprised. I held in a curse as I looked back and saw half the window now across the floor as glittery shards. Looking back at Hannah her eyes were wide and scared. She can still do magic? Oh fuck.

“Hannah…” The girl snapped her head at Paige. She was still shaking but now more out of fear and bewilderment than anger.

“You did that.” “No-” “Yes you did! You are here to kill me. I can feel it in here.” She pointed to her chest. “It’s my time, right? That’s why you’re here right! I can feel it. Every day I’m worse and no one knows how to make me better!” Tears were glittering her cheeks. Her fists were shaking, and her jaws was strained.  

“But I won’t just die without a fight.”  Gripping her scissors, in a flash she threw the blanket off her, stormed off the bed and headed straight for Paige. Reacting on instinct I grabbed the girl around her waist, stopping her in her tracks. Let’s be honest here, I doubt she could do much to hurt Paige, but she was angry, confused, armed, and just exploded a window so I was not underestimating her right now. 

“Stop it!” She yelled at Paige, unaware that holding her back was not his doing but mine.

I gave Paige a look that’s said, “Do something!” as she fought against my grip. I was carful not to breath on her but considering her mind set she didn’t noticed it was a person holding her back and not magic.

She was wild. I ducked just in time to avoid an elbow to the face.  I couldn’t even calmer down if I tried. I needed to look in her eyes for that. But she was still sick so deeper breathes were soon following her fighting.  Paige was clutching his sword as he looked at me with wide eyes. The heavy energy of the room was trying desperately to reach him, but he forced it awake with a flick of his hand. I could physically see the clockwork crank in his mind. He ran his hand through his hair quickly before unsheathed his sword, raised it above his head and slowly got down to one knee before Hannah.

I almost gasped but held it back. There were only a few beings in this world Paige kneeled too, one of them was me, and the others were being greater than the both of us combined. He really is serious about making amends…

Keeping his head down he pleaded, “Hannah, I promise you I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to help.”

“Help! Help me how? By ending me!” Still fighting to get free she laughed at the idea. “I know what’s wrong with you! Why you’re sick all!” Hannah stilled in my arms. I could feel her anger cool just the slightest. She stared at him for a long time before she finally asked, “You do?” Paige slowly nodded. “You’re lying! No doctor can figure it out, so how is it you know what’s wrong with me?”

“Because I know more than any doctor will ever know. I know every illness, every poison on this planet and the next. That’s why I’m here, I…” He looked up at Hannah. “I know how to heal you.”

Hannah was still shaking but was leaning more against me now. The longer she stood in my arms the more she seemed to rely on me to stand. The warm heavy energy recoiled toward her as it died down. She was sweating and tired but trying her hardest to not show her weakness to Paige.

“I don’t trust you! I just look at you and I… you can’t only be here to heal me, can you? I know you’re here because I’m dying. I can feel it, but…that’s not the only reason why I go so angry is it? There’s something else behind that anger.” She placed a hand on her chest. Gently he answered, “You’re right. While most people don’t like me and react to my presence in all sorts of ways, you are the first on instinct to be filled with a…justified rage.”

Hannah stared at him as she caught her breathe.  “So, you are who I think you are then.” “Maybe. I am, well, a lot of things.” Hannah narrowed her eyes. “Then explain it.” Paige slowly stood. “I will. I promise. But first I need you to listen to a story of mine.”  

There was a silent pause that echoed through the room. Paige opened his mouth to say more but Hannah beat him to it.

“A story? Why would I want that!” “Because I promise you the story will explain everything I am. It will explain the true reason behind your anger, why you are dying, and most importantly how you can heal. Please. Just give me one chance.” Hannah was silent. I noticed her head turning a bit as she looked at the birds again. Their frozen state was unchanged. She looked back at him.

“I still don’t trust you. The worst part is I feel like…like I know you.”

“I promise to explain everything. You deserve it.” Hannah gave a reluctant sighed.  

“Fine. But you have to promise not to do anything weird.” She gestured to herself, the frozen birds and exploded window. “Well technically I didn’t destroy the wind-” “Secondly I get to keep your sword until you’re done.” Without much hesitation Paige agreed and offered her his hand.

I finally let go of her and took silent steps away from the two of them, watching them intently. Hannah hesitated, eying him carefully before gripping his hand. Small streams of light danced as they encircled their hands. Hannah watched with eyes wide open.

“I thought I told you not to do anything weird!” “Don’t worry, it’s just magic. These lights will make sure I keep my promises.” Hannah pulled her hand away once they died down.  

“What’s magic?”

Paige relaxed just the slightest at the sound of her calmer voice. He sheathed the blade, untied some strings and offered the sword, scabbard and all to Hannah. As she took it and slowly backed up into her bed, Paige answered her question in the most annoying way possible.

“How do you not know what magic is?” Hannah narrowed her eyes. Paige rubbed the back of his neck and apologized.  

“Whatever, I get it. Magic is the source of your weird shit. Now, will this take long?” Paige took a moment to think. “Probably.” Hannah did not look pleased by that answer. Placing Paige’s sword in her lap she gripped the hilt. Paige cleared his throat as I made my way closer to Hannah’s side.

“You know there once was a time when all humans in the world could do the ‘weird shit’ all the time.” Hannah raised her eyebrow in disbelief. “It’s true. The Earth is full of all kinds of chapters filled with all kinds of people. In one chapter the humans wielded magic like it was an extension of their own bodies. And in another their magic was stripped away from them. My favorite I think is the story of how humans go their magic back.”

“That’s great. How does any of this help me?” Ignoring her question Paige absent minded said to himself. “I think I’ll start with Bruno.” Confused Hannah asked, “Bruno? Who is that?” Paige smiled under his mask making his eyes brighten a bit.

“He was a young man. He lived when the old countries use to separate the world. I don’t know a lot of his story, but I do know he was… there.” Hannah raised an eyebrow. “Where is there?” Paige clasped his hands together. His eyes were cloudy like he was lost in his thoughts. He looked at me, his light eyes swirling with white energy as he answered “He was there when the planet broke apart. He was there when the humans, their ancient countries and kingdoms finally fell to pieces.    

[mfackenthal]

The MFackenthal Show and @maxattack-powell!

banner by @whenyourheartskipsabeat

Hello all!  Welcome back to the MFackenthal Show!  I am so glad that you are here today.  If you’re new to the show, I encourage you to go here to find past episodes.  There are only a few.

The MFackenthal Show has officially been green lit for more episodes!  We used to only be able to afford to run the show every once in a while, but the people have spoken - they want to see the show more often!  The funding came through and we hope to give the people what they want!  Do you want to be on the show?  Do you have someone that you want to see on the show?  If so - reblog or comment or send a message to let MFackenthal know!  We’ll see what we can do!  We have this show and two others lined up for you!

I could not be more excited to bring you this next guest.  She has been with the fandom for quite a while.  She was one of the first people I started communicating with on a regular basis.  She has talked me up, supported me from the beginning and though she hasn’t written much lately - when she does drop a chapter - it’s long and it’s worth it!  Please welcome to the stage @maxattack-powell!!!!!  (Insert Cheering here!)

(Megs greets Max with a hug - which means that Megs essentially runs and leaps into Max’s arms.  Max is fairly tall and Megs is barely 5′3″) 

Megs:  Max, I am so happy that you are here!  Can you believe that you’re here today?

Max:  Haha, yes - I can.  But I am honored to be here.

Megs:  Max, sit with me.  For those in the audience who may not know you, tell us about when and why you joined the fandom.

Max: Yanno, I always made my best guess at this before, but I knew you were going to ask me this - so I looked it up.  Did you know that now there’s this Official Tumblr blog called @memories, and it knows down to the minute when someone joined? Let me go check it… *digs through the blogs posts* Okay, it was apparently 07/31/2017 at 1:17:15 PM, which means it must have been on the weekend because of the time of day haha.

As for why ... hmm, well… I found the Choices app one day, when it only had like… three series I think! Anyone else remember that time? 

Megs:  I do!  Because I was playing Hollywood University I think I downloaded choices the day the app came out.

Max: Awh!  Well, I fell in love with The Freshman Series. Mostly because of Chris Powell and Zack Zilberg, and a long time ago I was in another fandom that had tons of fan fiction/art… so I googled “Choices Chris Powell” and any other combination I could think of looking for possible fanfiction. The fandom was almost non existent at the time. There was actually one person, who has long since left the fandom due to fandom dramas - we all know the kinds I’m talking about - but a few others had started posting their works as well… and I got hooked. Eventually I felt the bug to write how I felt TF should play out as well, and here I am *looks back at the “joined tumblr timestamp”* uhh… 20ish months ago!  Haha!!

Megs:  LOL, when you put it that way it doesn’t sound like that long ago ... lets call a spade a spade - that was almost 2 years ago!  That’s amazing!  You have to have seen so much in this fandom!  What is it that keeps you around?

Max: There are so many awesome people in this fandom, in this world we’ve all created for our pixelated loves lol. Soooo many creative minds to follow and enjoy. The content people share, original or repost… it’s great. 

... Unfortunately it is also a double edge sword ... the drama, the jealousy, the rumors, the hate, etc. I’ve sadly seen far too much and it comes in so many forms… it’s unnecessary.

Megs:  I couldn’t agree more!  If you could tell the fandom one thing - what would it be?

Max: It would be that we’re all here because we want to have a good time. No one came here to get ridiculed, to be scrutinized or chastised for their opinions, their likes or dislikes. Real life has enough of that going on. We are all individuals - if you want to be treated nicely, fairly, etc. you must also do the same to others. There is no reason someone must agree with you or anyone else. Live and let live. Embrace our differences as it makes us who we are. Most of the issues I see stem from a simple difference in opinion. That is ridiculous. Everyone’s entitled to their own thoughts. We must build each other up, not tear one another down. No one here owes anyone anything, now go have some fun.

(The room stands up in applause!)

Megs:  You should definitely stand up and take a bow, Max! 

(Max does just as Megs suggests - but she also makes Megs stand up and do the same. Laughing, they both sit back down.)

Awh, Max ... okay, let’s get back to you.  We know that you’d fight anyone for the position of The Chris Powell Appreciation/Fan Club.  And for those who don’t know, Max has been retelling the full The Freshman series, interweaving dialogue and plot from PB but also adding much of her own content.  MC and Chris get a backstory.  Chris gets best friends from back home.  What is your favorite piece that you have written?

Max: Oh geez hahaha. Um… can I just say The Freshman Chronicles as a whole? I’ve written for different fandoms, and I have original WIPs but I’ll stick to the Choices fandom for this answer. I’ve put a lot of time into TFC. Tons of additional story work, research on characters and their backgrounds, PBs and my own OCs. You should see my file folder setup haha. It’s crazy… I have so many docs, pictures and gifs. Most organized by location (Hartfeld, Boston, New Haven, Cherryfield, etc.), then by character… and on some I get more detailed and split them by emotion and situation.

Megs: By what again?

Max:  Emotion and Situation ... Yeah. I warned you it was crazy! *laughs* TFC was the reason I joined tumblr really. Instead of staying a Nonny and only reading others posted works. I wanted to comment, like and reblog what I enjoyed, while I also worked on my own contribution to the fandom. I had a vision for Chris and MC that had more than the game could give, and I wanted to see if i was still any good at writing since it had been years and years… it’s funny to see how different my current posts are from my first over a year ago. Makes me want to go update a few because they could use a little help *awkward laugh*

Megs:  I’m sure we can all relate to that!  Hmmm ... I’m starting to get a feel for this, I think, but what is your writing process?

Max:  Lots of planning, mostly in my head. When I feel like I have a decent concept I might type out some notes or work it into my outline (another crazy thing I have going for TFC because it’s so big haha). But usually, once I hatch out a basic plan on where I’m going… I just start typing. Keeping the general plot and main points I want to hit in mind, I simply start typing… keeping it as organic as possible. It usually works out well. 

Megs:  Do you have any advice for other writers?

Max: First, and most importantly… do it because you enjoy it. Don’t do it for likes, reblogs, popularity, etc. If you’re having a good time dreaming things up and typing them out, that’s what’s important. The rest is just an extra bonus. Also, don’t give up. It’s easy to become discouraged, frustrated, distracted and more… but remember - your creative cells can’t be running all the time. They need to rest just like your body. Take breaks… go read, play games, hang out with friends/family, watch a movie… whatever. Just do something to help you relax, to reset and you’ll very probably find inspiration and/or motivation to continue. Remember, this is for fun. *wink and finger guns*

Megs: So what do you do for fun?

Max: I actually have a few things I do regularly. A big one is making costumes/props for conventions, small productions, etc. I also train and show horses. I do the same with my dogs, but more for competitions and not really any shows. I’ve always drawn, sculpted, painted since I was old enough to hold things with my hands… and about a year ago I started learning how to do it digitally as well. I run (not at all for fun haha) and play hockey (totally for fun), follow comics and watch anime. I've restored houses, cars and old furniture. I like to read as much as I can - that’s an important one. I also play video games. Something I’ve done since I was young… I've even competed, and won, a few gaming tournaments.

Megs:  You don’t know how to be bored do you?

Max: LOL, Megs.  Yeah, um, so there’s a “few” *makes air quotes* of my never ending list of interests haha. Gives me a lot to talk about with people, eh?

Megs: Not that I can understand how you’d have time for this ... but what do you do to help pay for your many activities?

Max:  Oh like, my job? Well that can be a simple answer… like “I work in software” but the more interesting way to say it is I use my MBA, experience in business, the financial industry and technology to improve and stabilize my customers environment through technological solutions that fit their specific needs. *presses lips together* I solve problems by designing solutions. Bored yet? Hahaha.

Megs:  No!  That sounds wonderful!  Who doesn’t want their stuff to be designed better?  Any chance you could start working for tumblr?  Some of us have a few complaints ... tags ... mobile losing our work ...

Max:  I’m not sure they could pay me enough to help them with all of their problems!  But, tumblr, feel free to send me an offer!

Megs:  Seriously - send her a 6 figure offer!

Max:  Okay, Megs, well now I have a question for you.

Megs: Uhhhh, Max, that’s not exactly how this is supposed to go. 

Max:  Yeah, don’t care.  Your fans need to know ... Hoooow do you find the time to read and review so much?! And I know that’s just in this fandom.  I know you read books and you may read for other fandoms!?  Seriously, it’s awesome. We need to clock your page flipping speed haha.

Megs:  *blushes* Oh my gosh, you have to stop!  Here’s the key to how I do it ... I wake up at 5:30am and read for about 30 minutes.  Then I workout and start my day.  I read in line at the grocery stores.  I read on my breaks at work. 

Max:  Oh my gosh - you’re such a nerd and I love that!  Okay, nerd, what is your favorite thing to do, besides reading all the things of course?

Megs: This show, of course!  And, of course, getting people to do silly things on this show with me.  For instance - with as athletic as you are, I hear you can’t jump? 

Max:  Megs, shhhhh.  You told me you weren’t going to bring that up.

Megs:  I did no such thing! (Meg says while laughing) I said I might not bring it up.

Max:  Uh huh.

(Kris Kross’s “Jump” starts playing in the studio)

Megs:  Come on - show me what you’ve got! 

(Megs starts “singing” along and jumping along with the song. Max stays seated.  Megs finally pulls Max up into a standing position. Max plays along and “jumps” next to Megs - getting no air at all.)

Oh, come on Max - put some real strength in to it.  Jump! Jump! Jump!

(Max jumps and gets the smallest amount of air time.)

Max:  *laughing* Megs - I’m tall!  I don’t need to jump to reach things!

Megs:  *laughing* That must be nice.  I got good at this type of jumping because I had to learn to jump up and gently grab things from the grocery so I didn’t knock everything down.

*continuing to jump around the audience - getting everyone to join her* And that’s all for the show today today, folks!  Thank you for watching!!  Have a great night!

[raywritesthings]

What Have They Lost? 1/?

My Writing Fandom: Arrow, The Flash Characters: Barry Allen, Iris West, Laurel Lance, Oliver Queen, Connor Hawke, Cisco Ramon, Ted Grant Pairings: Barry Allen/Iris West, Laurel Lance/Oliver Queen Summary: "I can definitely tell you that there’s a way we’re going to bring [Laurel] back and she’s going to be alive and well. And Flashpoint might have a little bit to do with that." -Wendy Mericle AKA: The AU where that wasn't a blatant lie, and Flashpoint has bigger repercussions for Barry's friends and allies than he first realized. Notes: So, probably not wise to start yet another WIP without finishing the one I have going but...I got really excited about this idea and wanted to see what people thought. If this is continued (which I hope to do so), things may get a little confusing as certain characters will be going by different (more comic book accurate) names, but I'll do my best to make that clear when introducing them. There are characters referenced in this chapter who will have a bigger role going forward, and when that happens I will add their character tags. Similarly, if some characters haven't been mentioned at all yet, that doesn't mean they won't be in the story. Their character tags will be added later, too. Much thanks to @colorofmymindposts for beta-ing this chapter and helping me restructure some things. It's a much better beginning as a result. Title is pulled directly from a line in DC Rebirth by Geoff Johns while song titles and lyrics were pulled from both the Black Canary solo book and Green Arrow Rebirth, and I make no claim of owning any of them. I hope you all enjoy and let me know your initial impressions! *Also can be read on my AO3*

Barry felt that, all things considered, life was treating him fairly well lately.

Of course, he’d had to fix the mistake he’d made going back in time to save his mother, and even now there were consequences from that. The team hadn’t been happy to learn that truth, and he worried his and Cisco’s friendship would never again be quite what it was. There were things that had resulted from his meddling that he would always feel guilt over.

But not this. Not him and Iris. Despite an awkward first attempt at a date and the second getting interrupted as well, they were falling into a better pattern now as a couple.

She found him in his lab one late morning while Julian was out at a crime scene, so they had the space to themselves for a bit. Iris wrapped her arms around his middle from behind and placed her chin on his shoulder, though he doubted it was to see the spectrometer he was working with.

“Any plans for tonight?”

Barry shook his head. “Nothing specific. You know, just,” he waved a hand to indicate general Flash stuff, which Iris understood with no trouble.

“Think you could take a break for one night?”

Barry raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Because I got concert tickets and I want you to go with me.”

A concert? That wasn’t usually his scene. “How’d you get them?”

“Daria in Arts and Entertainment gets sent them sometimes and she can’t make tonight work, so she offered them to me.”

Daria in Arts and Entertainment? That probably meant this was some kind of pop thing, didn’t it? Barry’s face scrunched up.

“I don’t know, Iris…”

“Bear, come on.” She squeezed him tight for a moment before letting go and taking a couple steps back. “It’s Birds of Prey!”

“Am I supposed to know them?”

“They’ve only been my favorite band since college, so I would hope so,” she remarked, and Barry turned around with a frown. He could have sworn Iris always said she liked the pop star Cassidy best. “They do some slow stuff, too. I know how you like your jazz,” Iris added  with an indulgent roll of the eyes. “So are you in or out?”

He knew Iris still wanted to do some normal couple stuff as well as more extravagant dates. And if she was happy, Barry was sure he could put up with some music that might not be his taste.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m in. It’ll be fun.”

“Great.” Iris leaned in and pecked him on the lips. “Gotta head back to work, but I will see you later for our date. I’ll text you the details.”

“Okay.” Barry watched her go, his smile falling off his face as she disappeared down the stairs. If this was Iris’ favorite band, he was going to have to do some research.

He went to his computer and searched the name Birds of Prey, only finding articles about a band and their lead singer, a woman only known as Dinah.

“Triumphant return to Central City after particle accelerator accident,” he read aloud to himself from the bit of preview text from one article. What did that mean? And why did the name Dinah sound oddly familiar to him?

A knock on his lab door called his attention, and he was busy the rest of the afternoon with casework, even with Julian’s added assistance. Rather than resume his internet search after his shift ended, Barry decided to pursue a different avenue of inquiry.

Cisco was present when he rushed into STAR Labs. His friend barely looked up from the computer monitor he’d been studying.

“Cisco, hey, what do you know about Birds of Prey?”

That question caught the engineer’s attention. “Uh, you mean one of the greatest musical groups of our time?”

“Yeah. Sure.” How did everybody already know this band besides him?

“They’re stopping here on their comeback tour. I think it’s tonight, isn’t it? I missed the online bid for tickets.”

“Iris got two from her coworker, so we’re going tonight,” Barry revealed.

Cisco groaned. “Lucky. I only saw Dinah live once, back when she was doing open mic nights around colleges, you know?” Cisco’s gaze got a faraway look. “I had a poster of her on my wall all through grad school. I’d give anything for a picture with her.”

“Well, I can’t promise that, but I can try and get you a picture of just her.” Barry checked his phone. “I’ve got to meet Iris at the house.”

“Yeah, have a good night.”

“You, too.” It hadn’t been perfect, but Cisco had at least been willing to open up to him about some topic, even if it was one that made little sense to Barry.

He arrived home and changed quickly into clothes better suited for a concert. Iris already had the keys to the car, so she drove them over rather than him running them. They parked on the street near the venue and joined a fast-growing line to get in.

“So, everybody keeps calling this the comeback tour,” Barry began. “What’re they coming back from?”

“You really didn’t hear?” When he shook his head, Iris continued, “They were performing on stage the night of the particle accelerator explosion.”

“And there was an accident,” he said, repeating what he had read before.

“Yeah, the sound equipment and everything, you know? I mean, the band manager got them all off the stage before anyone got too hurt, but there were all kinds of rumors about Dinah’s voice being damaged or the trauma being too much to let her go back on stage.”

“Wow,” was all Barry could come up with. 

“Yeah. But, she got back in the game. This is their last stop on the tour, at least for now. People are wondering if they might go international next.”

They had passed through the doors and now were too busy looking for their seats to talk. They weren’t right in the front row, but Arts and Entertainment writers were clearly given a good spot, probably in hopes the review would be better.

The lights dimmed, and a voice came over the systems. “Central City, here tonight is the band that needs no introduction. This is...Birds of Prey!”

The obligatory fog machine obscured things as the musicians all got into place. He counted two redheads and a woman with hair so dark it almost bordered on black. Nothing about them seemed to stand out in his memory.

But he didn’t need the large screens on either side to tell who the woman was that strode confidently downstage to the mic in the center. Even if it should have been impossible.

“Laurel?”

The crowd was too loud around them, and Iris was busy with cheering and didn’t hear him or see his distress.

How could it be possible? He still remembered standing in front of Laurel’s grave, watching as Oliver tried to hold back the anguish that had been in the wet sheen of his eyes and the deep lines of his face. He didn’t think he could ever forget that look. It hadn’t just been Barry’s team who’d loved her.

And yet she was standing above him on a stage, so alive.

“Hello, Central City! It is good to be back.” Laurel paused to let the cheers subside. “I wanted to make sure we stopped here on tour. Had a bit of a fight for it. You can ask Ted.”

Iris leaned over to tell him, “Ted’s the band manager. He’s practically a father to her.”

“He is?” Who was Ted? Where was Captain Lance?

Iris nodded but gave him a second look. “You okay?”

He felt incredibly faint, actually, but there was no time to explain anything to Iris. There were people all around them and Laurel was speaking again.

“But Ted agreed, because we don’t walk away from things. Right, Central City?”

Laurel paused again for cheers. Someone out in the crowd shouted a, “We love you!”

“I love you, too!” She replied with a beautiful smile. “No matter how many times we get knocked down, we get back up. So let’s get up and get things started!”

She motioned back to the band, and the dark brunette hit her drumsticks together four times before the rest of the music started up. People were already on their feet, and Barry stood as well to see better. Now that he was over the shock he started taking more of her appearance in. There was still her blonde hair cascading down her back, but that was about where the similarities ended in how this Laurel styled herself. She had on a blue tank top, ripped up jean shorts, and fishnet leggings on under those. Fishnets!

Was it Siren? Was this all just some trick? And yet even as he thought that it made little sense. Iris’ favorite band since college, Cisco’s poster in grad school...somehow, Laurel Lance had been a member of this band for years. 

But she’d been a hero. They all knew that. Or they had.

The song they were performing now seemed to be called Fish Out of Water, judging by the chorus. Barry could relate to that feeling. Then it hit him that Laurel actually had a really good voice. He’d never known that about her, whether it had even been true before...all this.

Because it was dawning on him what this was. Just like the changes that had occurred to his friends’ loved ones because of his meddling, the only explanation for Laurel not only being alive but drastically different than he remembered was the timeline being altered. But how could he have missed this?

If this much was different, what else had changed in Star City? He’d spoken to Felicity briefly since returning to this timeline and realized John now had twins instead of a daughter, but what about Oliver? Were he and the others okay?

“I’m gonna slow things down a bit,” Laurel was saying. “Even if I know you guys like things fast around here.”

Iris nudged him in the side with a big grin. It faded as he looked at her, though. “Seriously, Bear, you okay?”

“It can wait.” Now wasn’t the time or place to get into it. He wasn’t even sure how to explain to Iris that a woman she had never met but admired was now still a woman she had never met but admired just in a different way.

“If ya broke the wings of a blackbird, baby...it’s a joke to think she’ll look backward, baby,” Laurel sang. She looked...sad, somehow. Not in an obvious way. The confidence was still there, but it was like something was missing. And Barry thought he knew what it was.

His mind raced as the band closed out with another louder number to get people cheering right at the end.

“How do you feel about pretending to be from Arts and Entertainment?” He asked at more of a shout in Iris’ ear to be heard.

She raised both eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

Barry ran instead, back to her office at Central City Picture News to grab a camera and a couple of press passes. When he reappeared at her side, she blinked in surprise.

“Barry—”

“It’s kind of important that we talk to her. I’ll explain on the way home.”

Iris looked unsure, but she nodded, trusting him. Barry felt a boost of confidence at that; the rest of his teammates weren’t that willing to trust in his ability these days.

They made their way backstage with the passes and waited as Laurel and the others exited the stage. Barry felt a little stunned to watch her approach this close despite seeing her up on the stage. She was real and alive and a part of him wanted to rush forward and hug her — but that would probably get them kicked out.

There were a few lucky fans with special passes there, too, and he watched as the woman and sometimes-teammate he’d known signed autographs and took selfies with them. He snapped a couple of pictures with the camera he’d borrowed for appearance’s sake.

“Great show tonight, Dinah,” Iris called out to get her attention. She held out her hand when the other woman approached. “I’m Iris West with Central City Picture News. Huge fan, really.”

“Thanks for coming out,” said Laurel, her eyes only briefly passing over Barry, and it was so strange not seeing even a hint of recognition there. Had they never met in this timeline? What did this mean about whether she knew the others?

“So what’s next for the band?” He asked. “International, somewhere else in the states? Star City, maybe? It’s our, uh, sister city,” Barry added when both Laurel and Iris gave him odd looks.

“Funny you should say that. We’ll be taking some time off in Star, yeah. Ted and me, anyway. The other girls are stopping home in Gotham, but Ted’s got a place there.” She nodded back towards an older man with flecks of gray in his hair and a few lines in a deeply tanned face.

“Great,” said Barry.

“Your new song, Blackbird. It’s really good, and the lyrics, uh, what’s the story behind that?” Iris asked. Barry knew he’d put her on the spot and that this style of interview wasn’t exactly her specialty. He thought she was doing a great job, though.

Laurel shrugged. “I’ve had a lot of false starts in life. A lot of things I’ve had to walk away from. You learn to live with it.” She glanced over at Ted again who made some kind of motion. “Listen, there’s a girl scheduled to meet me in the green room, so if we could wrap this up?”

“Yeah, absolutely. I’ll message your people if I think of anything else to ask,” Iris said quickly. “Thanks so much for your time.”

“Yeah, thanks Lau— uh, Dinah,” Barry remembered at the last second. Her eyes jumped to his with a sharp look.

“Yeah. You too.” Laurel said quietly. She turned and walked away, glancing back at them over her shoulder once.

“So what was that actually about?” Iris asked in his ear. Barry gave a start and looked away from the hallway Laurel had disappeared down. They went through a side exit and started the walk back to the car.

“I know her. Or knew her. Um, before I changed the timeline.”

Iris’ eyes widened. “Really? How?”

“She wasn’t a singer. She was the Black Canary. A hero, part of Oliver’s team. She died last spring—” Iris stopped in her tracks, expression one of alarm. Barry reached for her hand to keep her moving down the sidewalk. “—or she did in that timeline. I don’t know how this happened.”

Iris was quiet for a few moments, processing the information. “Well, at least she’s here in this timeline?”

“Yeah, but,” Barry began. He shrugged. “It’s so different. She doesn’t even go by the same name!”

He remembered seeing Dinah on the gravestone, only then realizing they’d all been calling her by her middle name the whole time. What made a person decide to change names? How far back did this divergence from the timeline go?

Iris was frowning, discomfort showing on her features. She had defended his actions in changing things to the rest of the team, but was this a step too far? What did she think of him now? “Well, Bear, I think you’re just going to have to leave this be,” she said eventually. “It’s too late to change things.”

“I know. I just — I need to check on the others in Star, okay? Just so I know what’s been going on if we ever have to team up sometime.”

“Okay.” Iris let him go with a kiss, and then Barry was off running again, first to get his suit and then to Star City.

What was Team Arrow like without a Black Canary? What was Oliver like? He didn’t know too much about the other man’s relationship with Laurel, but they’d obviously been close judging by how affected he’d been at the funeral. What would Barry be like without one of his teammates? He couldn’t even imagine it.

He entered the cave and stopped, calling out to make sure the space wasn’t as empty as it appeared. “Hey, Ollie, you in? Really need to talk to — woah!”

Barry didn’t quite dodge out of the way of two arrows connected by a wire that shot out and pinned him to the wall behind him.

A young man, teenager really, with blonde hair and dark skin emerged from behind a support beam. He carried a bow and quiver of arrows and was grinning as he approached. “Gotta watch your surroundings better, Flash.”

“Connor,” said a familiar voice, the tone only slightly warning.

“I’m only messing, dad,” said the teenager to Oliver as the older man approached. Barry felt his mouth drop open. Since when did Oliver have a second son?

Oliver himself seemed different, somehow, in ways that were hard to define. The stubble he usually had could more accurately be called a goatee, and there were lines in his face that Barry could have sworn hadn’t been there. But he didn’t look as abjectly miserable as the last time Barry had seen him.

“What’s going on, Barry?”

He decided to just cut to the chase. “What do you know about Dinah Laurel Lance?”

Oliver’s face scrunched up. He frowned, though it was more in confusion than anything else. Then the worst possible answer left his lips.

“Who?”