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tehuti88-art · 1 year

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4/14/23: r/SketchDaily theme, "Free Draw Friday." This week's character from my anthro WWII storyline is Lance Corporal Teal Rat. He's one of the most unfortunate characters in the story and gets a really raw deal from his comrades. There'll be more about him later in my art Tumblr and Toyhou.se.

Regarding his design, well, I wanted him to look at least a bit different from all my other rodent characters, so I tried a unique color pattern...couldn't think of much else.

TUMBLR EDIT: Firstly, I just noticed in my character list, Teal is named as a Private First Class. I guess I've decided to change this. *shrugs* Anyway...

I was reluctant to draw Teal yet as he has a lengthy story within the plot (ugh these take me forever and I really owe someone an e-mail), but also, because as of my drawing him I still didn't know his backstory. He wouldn't reveal it to me so aside from his history within the story, he was a blank slate. I expected to write this without knowing much about him as a person, despite him being a major influence, from the background, on the main plot. Yet not long after I drew him...his backstory emerged. I don't know why. My own characters' motivations in how/why/when they share with me is a mystery. It's obviously still rough and developing, but here we go.

I didn't know Teal's life before, or his motivations for, joining the military; he's one of the small original group (see Indigo's entry) who are selected to be sent to Germany to gather info on the Nazis, and although he has reservations about getting involved, he of course follows orders. I'd started to learn his character flaws which made his later experiences in the story doubly tragic and ironic: To put it bluntly, Teal is an antisemite. He never comes out and says it, but his reactions give him away, especially his later interactions with Corporal Drake Rat (Drake is obviously sensitive to such things, and picks this up from both him and Cpl. Anna Julian), and his initial reluctance to getting involved in whatever's going on in Germany. He doesn't wish ill on the Jews, but he doesn't sympathize with them, either. It's more of a "Oh well, not my problem" reaction. So he's a bit rankled that the military decides to MAKE it his problem, yet grudgingly obeys. When the first person who shows up to rescue them turns out to be Jewish and is going to be their boss, well, that stings.

I developed this angle intentionally, as I said, to lend irony to Teal's later situation in the story. But what made him this way in the first place? This info was a mystery until I drew his portrait. He's another character from a broken family, in a story that's full of broken families. (Seriously, what's my thing with broken families? I'm not technically from one, myself, so I don't get it. Anyway.)

As a child and adolescent, Teal (under his original name, obviously, which I'll give later) lives with his maternal uncle. For some unexplained reason, mother and brother have long been estranged and have little to do with each other; there are obvious bad feelings. Which means Teal's mother must have been especially desperate when she brought her baby to him to raise. Despite the bad blood between the two, Uncle agreed to take him; and Teal grows up under his roof without ever meeting his mother or father.

That doesn't mean he's unaware of her, or of why he lives with his uncle; his uncle makes it pretty clear every chance he gets. He's an angry drunk and a loudmouth, and is especially full of spite; he doesn't abuse Teal, like Godfrey Klemper's drunk father abused him--he never lays a finger on the boy, doesn't neglect him, doesn't even tear him down emotionally. But he does wear him down with the hatred that constantly oozes out of his pores. It isn't aimed at Teal, isn't even aimed at his sister (Teal's mother) with whom he's not on speaking terms. It's aimed at Teal's father and those like him. For, as Uncle makes sure to frequently inform Teal, his father is a "dirty Jew" who forced himself on Teal's mother, and that's the reason she wanted nothing to do with her own son, and abandoned him here.

This opens up an angle that the characters attempt to ignore, not quite successfully in Teal's case, and which is outright covered up later on: Teal himself is of course half Jewish--not through his mother, but still. His uncle never brings that up and never treats him as "dirty" by association--he reserves his hate for Teal's father. That doesn't stop Teal from internalizing the hate and aiming it toward himself, anyway--I mean, what else would he do? But similar to his uncle, he also externalizes that hate by aiming it at his unknown father and those like him. When you grow up with the only influence in your life constantly reminding you of all the reasons why you should despise someone, of course that gets ground into you. Teal learns to resent Jews the same as his uncle does, though he has what he views as a concrete reason: One of them mistreated his mother, and she rejected him because of it.

He grows up with increasing desperation and longing to meet her. Maybe, if he just gets the chance to talk to her, let her know he's nothing like his father (about whom he really knows nothing), she'll accept him, will love him. His uncle isn't technically abusive but he isn't loving, either--Teal grows up in a household with no hugs, no affection, no praise or validation or even basic family feelings. His uncle just provides for his physical needs and that's it. Teal wants so badly to be wanted, to be loved. He's sure that if his mother gets to meet him she'll come around, but his uncle does one thing for his sister, he keeps his promise not to reveal her identity or location to Teal. Teal reaches young adulthood never knowing her, and yes, he grows to resent his uncle for withholding this info. When his uncle dies, Teal rifles through all his belongings, seeking anything to tell him how to locate his mother. He finally finds out her name, and after asking around a bit, tracks her down. He repeatedly recites in his head everything he's going to say, all the reasons he's come up with to convince her he's not his father's son, she should take him back, he'll make her proud. Nervous yet hopeful, he goes to her place and knocks at the door. He knows without having to ask that it's she who answers, and the two of them stare at each other for a few seconds--all his recited words flee his mind, he's just struck dumb to finally meet her. She apparently has no idea who he is, however, and asks with mild confusion, "May I help you...?"

He swallows the lump in this throat--of course she wouldn't recognize him--and stumbles to introduce himself. Everything he planned to say is gone, and all he can tell her is that he's Aaron--the name she gave him, the only thing she gave him. Instantly her face goes white, then flushes--"What are you doing here?" she hisses under her breath. Before he can reply--if he can even find his voice--another voice from inside, a girl's voice, calls out, "Mom?--who is it?"

Teal blinks, suddenly mute. His mother calls back, "It's nobody, hon! I'll be in in a minute." Then turns back to Teal--the words It's nobody are already sinking in hard. "You shouldn't be here," she whispers sharply, though not quite as sharply as before--he gets the feeling she's trying to tone herself down. "I have nothing to say to you." Teal takes a step back, lowering his head and hastily mumbling, "I'm sorry--I'll go. Sorry to bother you," turns, and hurries back down the steps, burning with shame. He notices how she opens her mouth and takes a breath as if to say something else, but she cuts herself off and he doesn't stick around to hear anyway. He's seen everything he needed to see. He can tell somehow that his uncle had lied to him all those years--there was no rape--he just wasn't wanted. He leaves his mother's household and never looks back.

In the following days he pokes around discreetly, digs up a bit more info. It clarifies yet confirms his suspicions. His mother is married--NOT to a Jew--and has a family which doesn't include him. He manages to finally determine the likely identity of his father, a man with whom his mother had a brief affair, breaking it off presumably after finding out she was pregnant. Teal can easily guess the rest; the man who SHOULD have been his father agreed to mend things between them, if she gave the baby up once it was born. She handed Teal off to her estranged brother, and resumed her family life with her husband and, eventually, their legitimate child. Teal's uncle, meanwhile, already being a big ol' antisemite, just amplified those feelings by making up the story that Teal's father forced himself on his mother. Who knows, he might have come to believe his own lie, which he only came up with in a misguided effort to spare Teal's feelings, to not make him blame himself for his mother abandoning him. It's probably the only kind thing he ever tried to do for his nephew, yet it failed miserably; the truth slaps Teal in the face, he still ends up blaming himself for his mother's rejection, and oh yeah, now he really hates Jews for absolutely no reason. Thanks, unnamed uncle.

Teal makes no effort to contact his Jewish biological father. He's had enough of family. He changes the spelling of his name, from the Hebrew Aaron to the Irish Erin (both a girls' and boys' name), and cuts off his last direct connection to his parents; when he enlists in the military, he deliberately lists no next of kin, and no religion. It's basically a fresh start...it's just rather lousy luck for him that he soon after ships out to Germany as part of a clandestine project to spy on anti-Jewish activities, gets pinned down with the rest of his unit, and is then rescued, with the rest of them, by Jewish corporal Drake. Talk about a sign from the universe.

Still, he keeps these thoughts to himself, does his job. He avoids getting friendly with anyone--it doesn't seem worth the effort--and so the others mostly avoid him as well, picking up on his standoffish attitude. He isn't very well liked, mostly because people just don't know him, and he mostly goes unnoticed. Which is fine by him. The little unit is incorporated into the new battalion, everyone gets codenames (Teal is of course Teal, his fellows end up nicknamed Battleship Gray, Blue, Copper, Indigo, Silver, and Turquoise), and plans are made to rescue the last member of their unit who was captured by the Nazis when they were initially attacked. The Nazis are running an experimental project called Weltuntergang--"Doomsday"--and their captured comrade might very well be a test subject. A raid is organized, the other soldier (who ends up nicknamed Doomsday, or D-Day for short) is indeed rescued, but Teal misses out on everything that comes afterward, including D-Day's slow recovery and description of what he went through, as he himself is captured instead. The Trench Rats rescue one, only to lose another; Teal ends up in D-Day's place, in the hands of the Nazis.

He's knocked out cold in the attack and only comes to afterward when someone waves smelling salts under his nose. Blinking in confusion, head throbbing, he finds an unfamiliar man in a white coat and glasses and incredibly unpleasant facial expression in front of him; behind him and to the sides are other men in field gray uniforms and caps, obviously Wehrmacht troops. Teal's heart sinks as he realizes what happened. He doesn't get time to mull it over, however, as the doctor--for that's obviously who this guy is--snaps at him, "Sprechen Sie Deutsch?" Teal shakes his head. He figures that's the end of it, but the doctor then says, "You make me lose my Versuchsperson. My best Versuchsperson! (Teal has no idea WTF that means.) Meine harte Arbeit! Gone! I need one new now. Start all over! I do not care if you are wrong. You are the Versuchsperson!" He snaps his fingers at one of the soldiers and says something; the soldier steps forward, gives Teal a look he really does not like, then says something to the doctor, just a few words, inquisitive. The doctor gives a short reply that seems to disappoint him a bit, then in English, obviously for Teal's benefit, "Give him a little lesson. Is all." Next thing Teal knows, a fist is slamming into his face. He gets the s**t beaten out of him before he's dragged off and slammed in a cell and left there; he just lies there for a long while, every bit of him hurting, but he figures, at least they don't seem interested in killing him. Yet.

(This guy here is Sgt. Kaspar Lange. Teal doesn't realize yet just how lucky he is that the doctor said to teach him only a LITTLE lesson.)

Someone, another doctor or lab assistant, arrives at one point to draw blood; two soldiers keep tight hold of him while he does so although Teal doesn't fight. He's confused--why do they need his blood?--but asks nothing, doubting he'd understand anyway. A while later, he's bustled out of his cell and down a hallway and into a room with a metal table/bed, IV lines, medical equipment. NOW he understands. The doctor who confronted him earlier is obviously the one in charge of the medical project, and he's pissed off to lose Doomsday, his best test subject. Teal might not fit his criteria, but he'll have to do.

He assumes the blood sample was to determine this. He's put on the table and in restraints, and only then notices the two people already there, standing off to the side: the doctor, and a man in a black uniform, with a sword on his hip. He has lightning bolts on his collar tab and a little silver skull on his cap so Teal knows exactly what he is, and his unease grows. The Rats had already determined that the Schutzstaffel are the ones behind Project Doomsday, so this just confirms that whatever the doctor's intentions for him are, they aren't good.

As a couple of assistants start pulling out equipment and getting things ready, Teal witnesses something strange. He can't understand most of what is said, so can judge only by the tone and facial expressions of the two men what might be happening. The SS officer has an unpleasant expression fit to rival the doctor's when Teal first spots him, but as Teal is placed on the table he very briefly furrows his brow, then says something to the doctor; it sounds like a question. The doctor curtly responds--then the SS officer's expression turns truly nasty. He starts talking quickly and in a more forceful tone--something which seems a bit difficult for him, as his voice is soft and hoarse to start with, as if he has a cold. The doctor retorts, then there's a heated exchange--the two are obviously arguing. Teal hears the word Jude and knows exactly what that means--he panics briefly, yet it seems like the word is used in the negative. The SS officer points at him and says something to the doctor--again, Teal doesn't understand much, but he hears the word Amerikaner and the phrase "Er ist ein Sonderhäftling," and knows that whatever "Sonderhäftling" means, it refers to him. For some reason this comment really angers the doctor; he rants loudly, the SS officer replies, then starts to leave. The doctor gets close to him and says one more thing that sounds like a threat. The officer gives a very short reply, meeting his eyes--whatever was said to try to intimidate him, it didn't work. His own reply seems to make the doctor waver a little; after the officer steps out, he snarls and throws up his hands, obviously frustrated, and snaps at the lab assistants. They seem perplexed, but obey--pushing the IV stands back, removing Teal's restraints, getting him down; soldiers escort him back to his cell. He's confused as well; whatever the two of them said, he won't be going through with whatever this is today. He's figured something out, however: The doctor and the SS officer have some sort of connection--and despite it, they hate each other. This is the first of many uncomfortable interactions he witnesses between Dr. Dietmar Kammler and SS Captain Otto Himmel.

Himmel: "What is this?"

Kammler: "This is me, improvising. They took my test subject, I take one back."

Himmel: "Take one back--? This is some sort of stupid revenge thing for you? I saw the blood results. No match! He's not fit for this experiment and you know it. This isn't science in the least and you have no excuse. You're just being a child!"

Kammler: "A child! You'd know!"

Himmel: "You're the one who pretends to be such a scientist. At least I don't play at something I'm not. You can get away with only so much. Don't even try to tell me you don't know how this will turn out!"

Kammler: "As if I care what happens to him! He deserves it for taking my test subject!"

Himmel: "I'm not talking about him! I'm talking about you, us, this asinine project of yours! There's no way you'll pull off this stunt. Not without bringing all Hell down on us. You want that? I won't cover for you, couldn't even if I wanted."

Kammler: "What are you whining about? I can make use of him even if he's not a match."

Himmel: "Is he a Jew?"

Kammler: "What?"

Himmel: "He's NOT a Jew, is what you're saying. Not a Slav, not Zigeuner, not a mental deficient, not an Untermensch."

Kammler: "So what?"

Himmel: "So you have no legal grounds to do this. He's an American. An American soldier! He's a Sonderhäftling (special detainee), and you can't use him for this. One time, you get away with it, you can call it a mistake. They forgive you since he was a match. Twice? I won't cover for you this time."

Kammler: "This is MY project! NOT yours! Who cares about this 'legal' s**t! I can do whatever I want with a prisoner!"

Himmel: "A SPECIAL prisoner. And no, you can't. We fund this project, you follow our laws whether you like it or not. You lucked out last time, but not this time. I saw the blood results. Remember who holds the purse strings. I can pull them shut whenever I like."

Kammler: "I'm going to your boss tomorrow, see what he says!"

Himmel: "Go ahead and try."

Another thing Teal doesn't realize. Over the next several years, Himmel is going to be the main reason he stays alive. Although he really is in the SS, he joined solely to try to protect his mentally disabled son, Kolten, from being killed by the very regime he serves. This action drew him into direct conflict with Dr. Kammler, who wanted to use Kolten in his project: Kolten has the right blood type mutation, and Dr. Kammler even tried to make the argument that being a test subject--a Versuchsperson--would benefit somebody who is blöd, "stupid," like Kolten is. Needless to say this argument didn't go over well and Himmel refused. Kammler is so fixated on his project that he took out a hit on Himmel to gain custody of his son; this attempt failed, though Himmel was seriously injured (the reason he can't raise his voice--his throat was slit). Kammler gained custody of Kolten anyway while Himmel was recovering, and entered him in the project. As fate would have it, Himmel's supervisor, Maj. Ludolf Jäger, placed him in charge of overseeing Project Doomsday and reporting results back to him, so he can determine whether to continue or cut funding to the project. Jäger was quite displeased to learn Kammler had used an American soldier, D-Day, as a guinea pig, but found out only after the fact; as D-Day had the right blood type, he ended up giving Kammler a pass. Teal does not meet the requirements--there's no rational reason to use him as a test subject. Kammler's gotten bolder and more reckless, however, so he does what he threatened to do, and appeals to Jäger. Himmel argues against. Jäger hears them out, then says, "I understand your frustration, Herr Doktor, yet this is another American prisoner of war, and you can't even make good use of this one. I know how to read blood results. I'll do what I can to accommodate subjects who match but this isn't one of them. You know full well a Sonderhäftling has certain rights, and this time you're going to recognize them. If not, then we can no longer justify funding your project." He waves dismissively when Kammler tries to protest: "Either you have proper grounds to use him, or you don't. I see no factors that justify granting you permission so I won't grant it. Find another subject."

So, Himmel wins this argument...for now. He can tell from Jäger's careful phrasing that he's willing to make another exception if Kammler can find a reason, but for now, Teal is officially protected from being entered in the project. Thing is, now Kammler is even more incensed, and he takes that out on Teal in various ways. Sonderhäftlinge are meant to be specially protected, but application of rules regarding POWs is rather lax here; Kammler interprets Jäger's words to mean that he can't test the serum on Teal, and he can't have him killed, but most other stuff is still on the table. And Himmel can't really argue, as Jäger isn't too interested in day-to-day dealings and has no patience for constant complaints. He knows that if he wants to make sure Teal doesn't end up "accidentally" dead, he'll have to keep an eye on him himself.

Teal is in Dr. Kammler's custody throughout almost the entire story, so most of the major events occur in his absence, and he witnesses bits and pieces of them from the enemy perspective. He isn't aware at first of just how badly things end up going on the Allied side; given how D-Day was rescued, and they're supposed to have a policy of leaving no one behind, he just assumes this is what will happen with him, his comrades will come rescue him eventually if he can just hold out long enough. And indeed, the Trench Rats start making plans. Obviously, however, security has been stepped up at project headquarters, and although one of the Rats, Silver, manages to gain access to the building multiple times--even killing a few of the guards on different occasions--he never succeeds in getting into the medical part of the building. This is a source of great frustration not just for him, for failing, but for the Nazis, who nickname him Der Silbergeist for his ability to enter and leave undetected. Silver quickly becomes the Trench Rat most wanted by the Nazis, dead or alive, and it's assumed that the one who leads to his apprehension or death will be generously rewarded indeed. Yet nobody claims the honor.

The Trench Rats' sergeant and corporal, Camo and Drake, are connected with Cpl. Anna Julian, an American working with the British; she eventually gains their trust (well, Camo's trust...Drake has uncertain feelings about her) and, being officially included in the battalion, is granted access to HQ. The location of HQ has remained a closely guarded secret, the only one who discovered it being French partisan Papillon, who associates with Drake. When German forces stage a coordinated attack on HQ and the different Trench Rats companies (only Copper's company escapes completely unscathed), killing a large number of Rats and capturing Camo, Drake, and Julian, of course accusations start flying. Papillon insists his people had nothing to do with it, despite his commander apparently catching wind of the attack ahead of time; the fact that he didn't warn the Rats obviously upsets Papillon, who's been a reliable ally so far. There's only one other possibility they can think of: Teal, the one Trench Rat still in German custody, may have sold them out to protect himself. Given that the Germans start spreading rumors of having an inside source, this idea gains traction, and despite their vow to never leave a man behind, the Rats begin to second-guess their plans to rescue Teal. For all they know, he's been turned, and is a spy working for the Nazis by now.

Shortly after the three captives are hauled into German custody, an odd but alarming event occurs. Capt. Himmel stops in to see them, and after pulling his gun and appearing ready to shoot Drake--whose Star of David necklace is visible--he instead pivots and abruptly executes Cpl. Julian. The incident is taken as a sign of the brutal and unpredictable nature of the SS and Himmel is quickly targeted by the Rats the same way Silver was by the Nazis. Out of sight of all of them, however, it's a completely different story. Once the seemingly cold-blooded Himmel is alone, he nearly breaks down--he hated committing the act, he's only ever killed anyone while in combat, he's never murdered anyone before--even his SS job consists mainly of sitting behind a desk doing secretarial work. He's not coldblooded, he's not a killer, but he just killed someone anyway. It takes him a bit to settle his nerves, though he starts having nightmares, racked by guilt. The only one who picks up on his distress is Kolten--the reason he committed the murder in the first place. For Himmel got word of the truth, plus confirmation: Anna Julian was in fact the spy. She'd been turned by a British recruit of the Waffen-SS, and after gaining access to Trench Rat HQ, gave the SS the information, and they then informed the Wehrmacht, which staged the attack. Himmel learned of their plans shortly ahead of time, and Kolten himself confirmed Julian's identity by making a drawing of her (he has an eidetic memory and excellent drawing skills for things he's seen previously) and telling Himmel he'd seen her in project headquarters, giving the Nazi salute. This is bad enough--but he reports that he'd also seen the way she looked at him when told he was the "idiot" involved in the experiment--and that when she thought he couldn't hear, she'd used the phrase Unnütze Esser--"useless eaters." This final detail is what made Himmel panic, and after she was brought into custody, he killed her. He's certain that if she'd managed to report back to the Waffen-SS, possibly countless "useless eaters"--mentally disabled persons, including his son--would've ended up eradicated. So, he acted first.

Himmel of course can't explain the truth behind his actions without giving his motivations away, so he simply accepts his bad reputation; if anything, it helps give him cover (even Kammler is shocked). He gets in trouble with the Waffen-SS for killing their spy, but Jäger, his boss in the Allgemeine-SS, smooths it over (while privately expressing his own exasperation over Himmel's uncharacteristic behavior). Kammler, meanwhile, takes advantage of the situation: He informs Teal of the attack, tells him a massive number of his fellow Rats were killed, his sergeant and corporal have been captured, and he'll be blamed for it. He finishes his announcement with the gloating claim that now, nobody will be coming to rescue him. Teal tries not to believe it, but Kammler provides him with proof--he allows him to catch a glimpse of Drake being transported between facilities. (Contact between most project subjects is usually strictly limited, to minimize the chances of them collaborating; during both their time in captivity, Teal and Drake see each other a few times, but never get to communicate.) For the first time, he feels something: empathy. He never liked Drake, for obvious reasons, but now they're in the same situation--and it makes no difference that Kammler knows Drake is Jewish, yet has no idea about Teal. He may be a Sonderhäftling but his special status isn't doing him many favors.

During his lengthy time in Nazi custody, Teal is subjected to all sorts of creative efforts of Kammler's to get around the restrictions his special status places on him as a potential test or torture subject. He may not be allowed to be an official part of Project Doomsday, but Kammler has lots of other ideas. D-Day had been put through the wringer even outside the context of the project; when he was rescued, he spoke only German (despite not knowing the language before), and responded to orders only from Burgundy; it soon became clear he'd been taught to obey commands given by a doctor, whom he referred to as Doktor-Vater (Doctor Father). He was obviously conditioned to do this, and needed to be "deprogrammed." Despite this, according to his own reports, he wasn't treated horrifically--he endured being administered the serum (an extremely painful procedure), and intense psychological conditioning, but aside from that, was not extensively tortured. (Granted, his self-report might not be accurate.) With Teal, it's different. Kammler is still steaming over the loss of his best test subject, and as Kolten is off limits for such treatment, Teal bears the brunt of his anger. He can't give him the serum but he tries a bunch of other things that are about as bad. Technically he shouldn't get away with it, but Himmel knows he can report only so much to Jäger before getting brushed off--as long as he's not being experimented on, mutilated, or killed, there isn't much they can do. Result, Teal experiences some of the same conditioning D-Day went through, with Kammler insisting he start addressing him in German, and referring to him as Doktor-Vater. Teal refuses the latter; the former, he simply doesn't know how. Kammler striking him a few times as he tries to get him to repeat and understand German phrases doesn't exactly help. A few times after these fruitless sessions, one of the Wehrmacht soldiers Kammler keeps on hand as occasional guards--the same one who gave Teal his beatdown--seems to ask Kammler the same question he did the first time, and Kammler always responds with a negative, but a few times again says in English, "A little lesson!"--which always results in a beating.

After one of these sessions, Kammler hurls a book at Teal--"Learn! Or more lessons!"--and storms out. Teal looks at the book--a German dictionary. It seems pointless but he's getting discouraged by the beatings, so he starts poring over it and trying to learn the best he can. Some time later, Himmel stops by his cell.

This isn't their first meeting. Following one of Teal's earlier, especially brutal beatings, he'd appeared late at night and unlocked the cell, letting himself in and holding out a canteen; when Teal refused to take it, he took a drink himself, and held it out again. Teal drank it nearly empty before somebody else entered the hall and Himmel left. He's shown up a few other times to offer Teal food. Teal can't figure out why he's doing this, but decides not to question it. Himmel's actions are the lone small bit of kindness he's experienced in his life, and no matter what his motivations might be, Teal is grateful.

This time when he stops by and enters, he sees the book Teal's holding, and takes it from him, giving it a disapproving glance; Teal thinks he's angry that he seems to have stolen a book, when Himmel says, "Did you learn English from reading a dictionary?" Teal is stunned; Himmel speaks near-flawless English himself, unlike Kammler's broken stilted speech. (Himmel speaks near-flawless English, French, Polish, and Yiddish, and passing well Russian and Romani as well as bits of a few others. Unlike many of his fellow Party members, he loves books, and owns a few he really shouldn't.) He starts visiting Teal's cell with a different motive: Each time they meet, he drills the Trench Rat on speaking German, in effect giving him a crash course. He saw D-Day go through the same thing, except D-Day had the benefit of increased intelligence from the serum; Teal is of average intelligence. Still, both of them know the seriousness of the situation, so Teal works hard to memorize and learn. The lessons are of course brief and sporadic, but he finally starts to understand the basics of the language.

Several times as well, he gets to interact, however fleetingly, with Kolten. This is rather a big oversight on Kammler's part, in having Kolten temporarily placed in an adjacent cell; he probably assumes they can't communicate. Unbeknownst to him, however, Himmel has taught Kolten English, and although he's not so good at speaking it, and he can't read, he understands hearing it. Kolten is also, despite his learning disability, very intelligent--thanks to the serum--and very observant. He watches everything that happens around him, and reports it back to Himmel on their visits. (BTW, both of them know who the other is, but Himmel isn't aware that Kolten knows he's his father. It's complicated.) Despite the serum's influence, Kammler still regards Kolten as "stupid," and this serves Kolten well in effectively spying on everything and keeping Himmel informed. Not only does he reveal Anna Julian's affiliation to him, he also fills him in on what's going on with Teal. After one of Teal's beatings, as he sits huddled in the corner of his cell, Kolten carefully creeps toward him, catches his attention, and whispers, "Best call him Doktor-Vater. Smaller beating." When Teal looks at him, surprised again that he speaks English, he says, "Doktor-Vater has big head...pride. Make him angry when disobey. Call him Doktor-Vater, less beating." He adds, "Soldat who beat you...bad man, very very bad. Small lesson best...do not want big lesson. Call him Doktor-Vater."

Teal isn't sure what to make of that, but does think to ask Kolten something that's been on his mind; Himmel and the doctor, how do they know each other?--why do they work together? Kolten seems reluctant to answer that (he's hesitant to communicate at all lest he get in trouble), but finally replies.

Kolten: "Herr Hauptsturmführer and Doktor-Vater, are like...Brüder (brothers)? But not Brüder. Herr Hauptsturmführer's wife, Doktor-Vater's Schwester (sister)."

Teal: "Brothers-in-law?"

Kolten: "Do not know 'brothers-in-law.' But Herr Hauptsturmführer's wife die long ago...Doktor-Vater not happy. Not his fault, but always blame him. (pause) (slowly) They do not like each other."

When Himmel finishes his German lesson for the day, Teal ventures to bring it up: "You and the doctor...he blames you for your wife dying?" Himmel blinks, obviously caught off guard; then he nearly scowls and says, "This is none of your concern." He lowers his (already low) voice and adds, "You and I?--we are not friends. Don't act as if we are, and mind your business."

So--there are limits on exactly what Himmel is willing to do for him, and boundaries not to cross--Teal learns he's not an easy mark, though he still isn't sure why he's helping him. For his part, Himmel has nothing against him, but he has to maintain his facade in order to protect his son, his highest priority. If he seems TOO friendly, it could jeopardize this. So he keeps a distance between himself and the prisoners he's attempting to help, which also include Camo and Drake. In fact, he's directly responsible for Camo's successful escape attempt, though security around Drake is too tight, and Drake has too few opportunities, for him to pull off the same thing.

Another thing Teal picks up on, that has far-reaching consequences: When Kammler focuses his attention and anger on Drake, he's not focusing it on him. Kammler's prisoners, like those in the nearby camp (he draws some of his test subjects from there, such as Jakob Wolfstein), are dressed in standard striped clothes and given ID badges denoting their status; he would've had them tattooed as well, just out of spite, but the camp commandant, Maj. Klaus, refuses his request, not out of any sense of morals but because it would mess up the numbering system his camp uses. Only the Jewish prisoners, such as Wolfstein and Drake, receive tattoos. Wolfstein wears the yellow star, Drake wears a yellow and pink one based on intel the Nazis received about him, Kolten wears a black triangle with the word "Blöd," and Camo and Teal receive the same badge that D-Day had worn, an upright red triangle denoting them as POWs with special protected status. Camo, Teal, and Kolten (Kolten based solely on a promise Jäger made to protect him), in theory, have exceptional rights the others don't; which makes Wolfstein and Drake Dr. Kammler's primary targets. Drake's status as an American POW doesn't exempt him like Camo's, D-Day's, and Teal's. Kammler shifts a lot of his spite from Teal to Drake after his capture, and especially after Camo's escape; he's subjected not only to torture but to the experimental serum (Camo had also received this, though I'm not sure how--it had no effect on him, anyway). None of Kammler's many prisoners but D-Day, Wolfstein, and Kolten have the right blood type, so a lot of his experimentation is done purely out of malice--it's unnecessary, it's pointless, it serves no purpose but to hurt. (Kammler DOES try tweaking the serum to work with a broader range of subjects, but Himmel sabotages it so this never works.) Teal isn't a monster, but he's human (well--rodent, but anyway); every moment Kammler focuses his rage on Drake is a moment he's not focusing it on him. He feels guilty about it, of course, but also relieved to not be Kammler's primary target anymore.

This isn't to say he doesn't still get put through the wringer; really the only one of Kammler's subjects who doesn't is Kolten, because Himmel has the power to bring all Hell down on him if he messes any further with his son, who wasn't even supposed to be part of the project. Kammler just strikes more at random now; every frustration is an excuse to take it out on his prisoners. Drake pisses him off like little else, and not just because of his particular dual prisoner status; when Kammler tries to demoralize him by telling him of Camo's escape, gloating about how Camo left him behind, Drake just laughs. He speaks German, but refuses to call him Doktor-Vater. He puts up with both the exceedingly painful serum infusions and with the rest of the torture Kammler tries out on him, and Kammler tries out a lot. Kammler sticks him in a sort of sensory deprivation tank (albeit with icy water rather than lukewarm) for hours and hours at a time, which especially messes with Drake's mind, yet he still doesn't break. Teal is both relieved that this isn't him, and envious of his endurance. He doesn't know that the sole thing keeping Drake holding on is that he has things to hold on for: The entire time he's held in the water tank, he recites both prayers, as well as something Papillon had told him while they explored an underground lake and cave system together: "The dark won't last much longer." He's slowly wearing down, but holding out much better than Teal would.

One day, for some reason, Teal sets Kammler off--likely still his refusal to refer to him as Doktor-Vater, combined with Kammler's lack of success breaking Drake, his repeated failures to improve the serum (thanks to Himmel), the persistent stress of debasing himself to the SS to keep funding his project, a million other tiny irritants all together--he throws a fit and strikes Teal several times himself, shrieking so loudly that even the hulking Kolten, who can easily hurl the Nazi guards across the room, retreats to the far corner of his cell. Teal puts up with it--Kammler isn't very physically strong, the blows aren't much. He ignores Kammler's demands and threats, doesn't respond to him when spoken to, because what else can he do. Kammler cuts off his attack, glowers over him for a moment, then yells for the nearby guards. He tells them to remove Kolten from his cell and take him elsewhere. This confuses Teal--what does Kolten have to do with anything?--but Kolten seems to pick up on something he doesn't; as he's shackled and led away, he casts Teal an anxious look, but says nothing. Teal only realizes Kolten in fact has nothing to do with this when Kammler calls one of the soldiers standing off behind him--the same one who does the beatings. He steps forward, nothing special, but then Kammler says, "A big lesson." Even the soldier looks surprised by this and asks if he's sure; Kammler replies, "You heard me," and turns to leave--"Just don't kill him," he adds as he goes. The others go with him, leaving the hall empty. The lone remaining soldier looks at Teal and smiles--a particularly nasty smile. Teal suddenly knows something truly awful is about to happen, if not what.

Sgt. Kaspar Lange is probably the most malicious, least redeeming character in the entire series, and yes, that's even including Lt. Col. Dannecker and Gen. Schavitz. At least those two prove useful to the good guys, and do decent things a few times, when it suits their purposes. Lange, he's absolutely nothing but hatred, sadism, and violence. He'll be getting his own entry soon so I'll wait until then to (maybe) figure out his background. But he's already made a lasting mark on the plot, with his many victims, at points before and after this, including Boris, Ratdog, Silver, and Klemper. Klemper, oddly--the least physically imposing of them all--is the only one who succeeds in fighting him off, partly because he's been similarly victimized in the past and by now would rather go down fighting than let it happen again, partly because he's cranked up on meth--Lange temporarily gets the better of him, but Klemper manages to get him to let his guard down long enough to knee him in the groin and headbutt him with his helmet and then beat the s**t out of him in return before Lt. Dasch arrives to break things up. Usually, though, Lange easily subdues his victims--he's well built, really strong, and well trained, as well as a dirty fighter--and beats them black and blue before having his way. (Klemper might fend off the rest of his attack, but gets so severely battered in the process that the others are stunned when they see him, his nose and mouth bleeding and both his eyes blackened.) Lange is a sadist, pure and simple--and he enjoys it. While his behavior could get him expelled from the Wehrmacht under any other circumstances, Kammler quickly caught on to how effective Lange could be as a torture weapon in his own right, and struck an agreement with him to "guard" part time at project headquarters when he's not in the field. Mostly, he just delivers brutal beatings, which he's good at; but every once in a while Kammler uses him for other purposes. Lange doesn't even require extra payment, he likes the job so much. Kammler had only ever told him to mete out "small" punishments on Teal before...but today it's different. Kammler leaves the two alone, and Teal learns exactly how far he's willing to go to break down even a Sonderhäftling.

Himmel goes to visit Kolten some time later in the observation room where he builds things with his blocks. He's puzzled to find Kolten simply sitting and staring at the blocks and not building anything. Kolten won't meet his eyes, and seems cowed and discouraged when Himmel tries to talk to him.

Himmel: "Kolten...? What is it? Why aren't you using your blocks?"

Kolten: (silence)

Himmel: "Something's upset you? Did something happen?"

Kolten: (silence)

Himmel: "Bitte, Kolten, can you tell me...? Did somebody do something to you?"

Kolten: (peers up briefly and back down again)

Himmel: (peers back in that direction, sees Lange standing guard, turns back; shifts his seat to block Lange's view) (whispering) "Did he do something to you, Kolten...?"

Kolten: (shakes head) "Not to me."

Himmel: "What happened?"

Kolten: "Doktor-Vater got mad at the Sonderhäftling. Hit him. Yell. Sonderhäftling wouldn't obey. Doktor-Vater had them bring me here. I see nothing, but..." (puts hands to ears) "I hear. Far away, but I hear." (whimpers) "So much screaming."

Himmel: (peers back at Lange)

Kolten: "Bitte, Herr Hauptsturmführer, don't let him do anything to me--? I'll be good, tell Doktor-Vater I'll be good. No trouble. No lesson. I promise. Bitte, don't let him come for me...?"

Himmel: "He won't touch you, Kolten, I promise."

Kolten: "I'll be good, honest."

Himmel: "I know you will. Don't worry about him. Build me something with your blocks, bitte--? And I'll come back to look at it when you're done. Everything will be fine."

On his way out, Himmel makes eye contact with Lange and halts beside him to whisper, "Lay one finger on him, and I'll slice your throat from ear to ear as slowly as I can. I can tell you how it feels." Lange averts his eyes--Himmel's execution of Julian is well known, he really does have the clout to pull off such a thing--and Himmel goes to Teal's cell. Teal is seated huddled within, staring ahead; he's bloody and bruised but seems lost in a world of his own. Himmel enters his cell, kneels and stares at him for a moment; Teal's eyes are vacant and he doesn't even seem to see him, until Himmel tries to gently touch his swollen eye, at which he abruptly jerks his head back. He doesn't speak or acknowledge Himmel in any other way, so Himmel gets up to leave. As he hears the cell door, however, Teal suddenly says, "Tell him--" but cuts himself off; Himmel turns to look back. Teal still doesn't meet his eyes, but says, "Tell him I'll do anything he wants." A brief pause, and he echoes, "Anything." Then falls silent again.

Himmel continues staring at him for another moment but he says nothing else, so he leaves. He hides his own discouragement at realizing the truth: Despite his efforts to protect Teal, Kammler finally succeeded in breaking him.

Himmel goes to Kammler and asks him what he's done; Kammler curtly replies he just put the prisoner in his place. "He's a Sonderhäftling," Himmel argues again, "you can't do this!" Kammler loses his temper, reasserts his authority, and they end up going to Jäger's office to again plead their case. By now Jäger is exasperated with the whole thing--"Ugh, the Sonderhäftling again!"--but wearily hears them both out. When Himmel reiterates his argument, Jäger is even more blunt: "He is alive? In one piece?" Himmel says he is, technically, but tries to argue about the obvious psychological harm; Jäger cuts him off with the statement that there's nothing in the law that specifically prohibits this. As long as Teal's general physical safety is ensured, and he's not subjected to experimentation, Kammler is operating within the law. "The two of you need to settle this between yourselves, I'm not getting involved again," he adds.

This isn't the end of it, however. Kammler plans to enter Teal in the experiment despite it clearly being proscribed by Jäger. Himmel catches wind of this, threatens him not to try it, but Kammler insists he's still within the law; he goes to Teal's cell (Himmel right on his heels), and produces a document and pen. Makes a point of appearing to give Teal the choice of getting involved or not; when Teal hesitates, he adds, "I suppose there are other options for what we can do with you," at which Teal immediately signs the form. He scribbles something out while doing so. Kammler smugly shows Himmel the paper, a document agreeing to participation in Projekt Weltuntergang; Himmel notices that Teal started to sign "AAR" before crossing it out and signing "ERIN." Once more to Jäger they go; Kammler gives him the paper and claims the prisoner agreed to participate in the experiment, while Himmel insists, "He's a PRISONER! He can't agree voluntarily, he only did so under duress!" Jäger seems nonplussed by the document, asking, "This is a legitimate signature?--you didn't forge it?"--giving Kammler a pointed glare. (Kammler had forged Himmel's signature to make it look like he granted permission for Kolten to be entered in the project, after Jäger had promised Himmel he'd protect him from such things.) Kammler replies that it's legitimate, he even has a witness--Himmel. Himmel is dismayed to have to admit this, realizing he's been tricked. Upon hearing this Jäger says the document stands, the prisoner has consented to participate (whether under duress or not doesn't matter much--Himmel also has to admit there was no physical force involved), and there's nothing more he can do. As the other two turn to leave, however, he addresses Kammler one more time: "Herr Doktor--I'm keeping my eye on you. I know you didn't obtain this willingly. If I find at any moment you've overstepped our laws by the tiniest hair, and believe me I'll find out, I'll do everything in my power to make sure you never run a project again. Plus legal consequences, if applicable. Kamerad Himmel will report back everything I need to know. Don't. Push. Me."

Kammler is cowed by the threat, but not much. He again brings Teal to the table, hooks him up to the IV, starts the drip. The serum's effect is agonizing for certain subjects; as Teal's poor luck has it, he's one of them. It also doesn't work, just as expected. Kammler is a tad disappointed but shrugs it off; the cruelty is the point, anyway. There's a distinct difference in Teal's behavior now, however; he speaks his stilted German, keeps his head down, and most of all, calls Kammler "Doktor-Vater." Kammler constantly waves the threat of further punishment, especially at Lange's hands, over his head, and gaslights him every chance he gets, reminding him how he "willingly" signed himself over, and it all takes a toll on him. The tactic that wears on him hardest, however, is Kammler telling him he's the reason Teal is even alive, he's the only one who cares for his wellbeing, because even his fellow Trench Rats believe he's a traitor and they aren't coming for him. Considering that it's true, none of them seem to have even made the effort, Teal begins to believe that Kammler is the only one telling him the truth, the only one who cares, even a little bit. Eventually, Kammler even starts to reward Teal for his obedience, improving his living quarters, giving him more and better food, and even letting him out to help him with small errands. He makes sure to keep Teal on a pretty short leash, but by now Teal doesn't care--just the food and considerably fewer beatings is enough to earn his loyalty. He's been so worn down that a lack of cruelty strikes him as kindness, and he'd do almost anything to maintain it, since nobody else is bothering to help him.

Then, Silver arrives. "Der Silbergeist" already has a bad reputation of frequently breaking into Nazi buildings--project headquarters in particular--stealing documentation and snapping the necks of any guards who get in his way. Similar to Josef Diamant of the canine side of the story, his constant frustration of the Germans' efforts to apprehend him earns him the top spot on their most-wanted list. Whoever kills or, preferably, captures him alive will be considered a hero. The guards have mixed feelings of longing to be the lucky one who apprehends him, and not wanting to be there at all, as he can kill them and vanish, so easily, before they even know he's there. One evening, he drops into headquarters and begins scouting around, as usual. What's NOT usual is that this time, Teal is in this part of the building, and Kammler has temporarily left him unattended. Silver's never found a way to safely enter the medical part of the building to gain access to Drake or anyone else; in fact, the Rats pretty much assume by now that Drake, and especially Teal, must be dead. (Rumors of Drake's death have been deliberately spread.) So, when Silver accidentally crosses paths with Teal, his old teammate from the little unit the Rats rescued, he's struck dumb with disbelief. Teal is equally stunned to come face to face with a fellow Trench Rat, and the two of them stare at each other a moment. Silver's mind starts racing as he tries to think up a plan to squirrel Teal out of there undetected...when Teal opens his mouth and starts screaming, "Der Silbergeist! DER SILBERGEIST!!"

Guards immediately come running. Silver is so startled by Teal's behavior that he hesitates just briefly, not wanting to leave him behind, but it's long enough that it seals his fate--he's captured before he can escape, and taken into custody. When Kammler returns, Teal begins babbling and pleading with him--"I saw him, Doktor-Vater, Der Silbergeist, I called the guards, I did the right thing, I did it for you, Doktor-Vater, I did it for you"--like a child trying desperately to gain an adult's approval. Kammler seems angry, which terrifies him, but he assures Teal he did do the right thing, before sending him back to his cell temporarily. Teal sits alone and anxiously bides his time.

An outline of what Silver goes through in the meantime is HERE. Long story short, he too is introduced to Sgt. Lange. He remains in Nazi custody only briefly, however--he manages to escape with the aid of Jakob Wolfstein (Wolfstein had made himself a small but sharp shiv, fashioned from a scrap Himmel deliberately dropped near his cell, and gave it to Silver to cut his restraints), and just like that, Der Silbergeist again disappears.

This all happens so abruptly--I think Silver is in custody for merely a day or so--that Kammler doesn't even get time to return his attention to Teal before his advantage is lost. Once he realizes this--that he's lost not only Silver this time, but Wolfstein, another successful test subject--he's INFURIATED. His shrieking at the Nazi guards can be heard all down the halls. Of course, by the time he finally settles himself enough to stop by the cell, Teal is petrified with terror; he covers his head with his arms and pleads with Kammler that he really did his best, he did. Kammler, obviously, is not the sympathetic sort--most of the time his reaction would be like what it was already, to take out his rage on someone who isn't even to blame. For some reason, though, something about Teal's entreaties gets through to him a little--Teal calls him Doktor-Vater as if his life depends on it, which frankly it does. But, it's hard to explain; by now Kammler has lost some of his prize "creations" (there's a reason Himmel's favorite book is Mary Shelley's Frankenstein), Drake (and Wolfstein) is just a "dirty Jew" who refuses to call him Doktor-Vater, and Kolten will never really be his. Teal, literally, is the closest thing he has to a "son," in a twisted way. So when usually he would be at the height of rage, Teal's pleading actually mollifies him a little, and he doesn't take out his anger on him. He actually coos at Teal to settle down, he's not in trouble, don't be afraid, he won't be punished. "This isn't your fault," he says; "You did very well. Very well. I'm very proud of what you did." He calms Teal down, and promises things are going to be a little different. That fills Teal with dread...but this time, "different" means a new, clean, dry cell near Kammler's office...a warm bunk...decent food...and no more beatings from Lange. It seems too good to be true, yet there it is. He's finally treated as a Sonderhäftling and granted special privileges.

Don't get the wrong idea. He's still effectively Kammler's slave, NOT his equal or even his servant. Kammler does NOT love him like a son--I'm not sure he's even capable of such things. (The only person he ever seemed to genuinely care for was his sister Dagmar--Himmel's wife--and even that was a rather dysfunctional relationship, with him being excessively clingy, jealous, and dependent on her.) He'd still be willing to off Teal in an instant if it suited his purposes and if he could get away with it. But right now, it's more convenient for him to let Teal live. Teal knows this, and he especially knows the alternative, and so does everything he can to remain in Kammler's good graces. He earns a spot much similar to Isaak Schindel's on the canine side of the story, in that Kammler sets him up basically as his flunky, doing menial chores for him and being on hand simply to cower whenever Kammler is in a mood. He never flatters Kammler, and talks to him only when spoken to; most of the time he's silent. Flattery doesn't work a whole lot on Kammler, but knowing that he's feared and respected does, so that's a big reason he keeps Teal around. He comes to trust Teal enough that he doesn't confine him to his cell anymore, but Teal stays there or in Kammler's office, not touching anything, when not needed elsewhere--he causes no trouble, keeps to himself, does nothing suspicious even when the guards aren't paying attention. He's completely obedient. Just like when his first reaction to Silver, who would have rescued him, was to immediately turn him in, he shows zero inclination to make a run for it. It's the same reason he never bothered seeking out his birth father: He sees no point in the risk. The Trench Rats obviously don't want him. Where would he run to?

Himmel watches this all from the sidelines, saddened by the turn of events; he'd tried what he could, but it wasn't enough, and now he doesn't know what he can do. Teal doesn't need his protection anymore, and yet won't accept any help either, without potentially outing Himmel's activities to Kammler; so, all Himmel can do is move on and turn his focus toward Drake and Kolten. (If this part hasn't happened already, Kolten doesn't remain much longer in Kammler's custody anyway, as he too ends up captured and liberated by the Trench Rats while en route between locations. Himmel sorely grieves this loss, yet does nothing to try to get him back, as he knows Kolten is in far better hands now.)

Teal remains in Nazi custody until the climax of the story when the Trench Rats finally storm project headquarters, using intel provided by D-Day, Silver, Wolfstein, and Kolten. Drake is rescued separately by Gold Rat, while Himmel, Kammler, and Teal are taken into custody. Himmel is well known and despised by the Rats for his role in Anna Julian's death, and so he's quite a high-profile prisoner; they intend to put him through extensive questioning. Kammler, likewise, is well known as "Dr. C," the mastermind of Project Doomsday; he's not as notorious as Himmel but his capture almost certainly ensures an end to the project, which is what the Rats were aiming for. Himmel and Kammler are both brought to a study, in restraints, and made to sit on the floor near each other under the watch of a few Rats. They start trading a few barbs under their breath, then louder, not caring whether the Rats understand or not; even the ones who don't speak German quickly catch on that there's bad blood between the two.

Teal is then brought to the study. He would normally have been hustled along to Trench Rat Headquarters as Drake is, except that they find him cowering in Dr. Kammler's office, speaking German just as D-Day once did, obviously not imprisoned like Drake was, plus they still suspect he's the one who betrayed them to the Nazis. They don't restrain him, but they bring him to the study where Himmel and Kammler are. As soon as Teal spots Kammler seated on the floor with his hands behind his back, the Rats witness something bizarre: Teal cries out, "Doktor-Vater!" rushes to Kammler, drops to his knees and throws his arms around his neck. He starts sobbing and babbling, still in German, though the Rats catch a bit of what's going on: He's apologizing and begging for mercy, insisting he had nothing to do with the raid. This is weird enough; but then Kammler responds, murmuring in a soothing voice and obviously trying to comfort him. Himmel, meanwhile, just looks disgusted. To the Rats, this seems to be all the proof they need that Teal is a turncoat who's been working with "Dr. C"; yet the moment one of the Rats tells Kammler his project is over, things change.

In between all his crying and babbling, Teal overhears this, and pulls back from Kammler a bit, looking at the Rats. "Over--?" he echoes in English, then in German, to Kammler, "The project is over?" Kammler, assuming he's dismayed by the news, responds confidently that yes, Projekt Weltuntergang may be over, but not to fret, this setback is only temporary and they'll rebuild it even better once the war is won. Teal doesn't seem to even hear anything Kammler says once he admits the project is done with; he just stares at Kammler, his aggrieved look very slowly shifting into something different. Himmel's own disgusted look, and Kammler's confident one, shift as well, into uncertainty, then unease. The moment a glint of hate enters Teal's eyes, and he lets go of Kammler, Himmel jerks aside, gasping, "Knife--!"

His voice breaks, and the Rats don't hear him clearly, so they don't immediately react. Everything happens in a matter of seconds--Teal's hand goes up, and in it, he's holding a shiv--the same one Wolfstein had left behind after Silver freed himself, the one Himmel had helped provide for him. At some point, he must have spotted it and concealed it from sight until a sure chance came. Teal lets out a bloodcurdling scream and has already stabbed Kammler repeatedly before the stunned Rats belatedly react. A few pull him off the doctor, fighting and restraining him and trying to confiscate the blade, Teal struggling and screaming incoherently and still trying to get at Kammler the whole time; one sees to Himmel, who's gasping and spattered with blood but unharmed; while another checks on Kammler. They'd hoped to interrogate him, but the few seconds Teal had to act were more than enough; the Rat checks Kammler's pulse, looks at the others, shakes his head. "He's dead?" one of them asks; at the Rat's nod, Teal suddenly relaxes, dropping the shiv. He puts up no further resistance. Himmel does start laughing, though.

The Rats have no idea what's going on but need to get back to Headquarters; Himmel and Teal are separated just in case, Kammler's body is collected, and they leave. Himmel is taken to a cell for later interrogation while Teal is brought to the medical ward, obviously in shock and with cuts on his hands, as well as Kammler's blood all over him. He ends up in a bed beside Drake, who was brought in just before by Gold; "Teal...?" Drake whispers, stunned--Teal looks at him and sees how awfully thin he is, his teeth missing, but says nothing. Nurse Skye starts tending to Drake while another nurse washes off Teal the best she's able, and then Burgundy arrives. He, too, is alarmed by Teal's appearance before realizing most of it isn't Teal's blood; someone briefly informs him of what happened before he starts treating Teal's injured hands, then checks him over. Teal is silent for a long while before he finally speaks.

Teal: "Doktor-Vater--" (cuts himself off) "He's really dead...?"

Burgundy: "He is."

Teal: (long silence) "I didn't think I could actually do it. All the times I could've, but I didn't." (long silence) "I didn't do it, you know."

Burgundy: "Kill him?"

Teal: "Nei--no. I killed him...I didn't tell them where to find Headquarters. I know nobody believes me, but it's true."

Burgundy: "You'll have the chance to talk about that later. Right now try to get some rest."

Teal: "I did tell them about Silver. When he showed up I told them. I admit that."

Burgundy: "Why...?"

Teal: (softly) "...Better him than me." (Burgundy goes to the other end of the room to look for something) "You'll tell him for me? That I'm sorry? I need somebody to tell him. (voice breaks) I'm sorry I got him hurt."

Burgundy: "I imagine you'll get the chance to tell him yourself."

Teal: (pause) "No...I won't."

Something about the resignation in Teal's voice gives Burgundy pause; then he turns around. Teal grabs a scalpel from the bedside tray and jams it in his neck before Burgundy can even yell; the commotion catches Drake's and Skye's attention and they get a glimpse of the gruesome sight before Burgundy yells for Skye to pull the curtain closed and help him, which she hurries to do. He grabs Teal's wrist to try to stop him from pulling the scalpel out, but Teal puts his free hand over his; Burgundy looks him in the eyes, sees how sure he looks. Teal shakes his head. Then yanks the scalpel back out despite Burgundy's attempt to stop him. Burgundy and Skye work on trying to stop the flow of blood but Teal fades away and at last falls still, no longer breathing; Skye has to stop Burgundy from working on him, murmuring, "He's gone." "He looked right at me," Burgundy says. "He didn't want me to save him." He curses repeatedly and slams the tray aside anyway, before trying to settle himself; he instructs Skye to see to Drake and make sure he's all right, then calls Amaranth to find someone to dig up Teal's personnel file, to figure out what they should do with his body.

The rest of this part of the story is HERE, in Mahogany Rat's entry. Teal's file is located, but there's nothing there to help them decide what to do with his body--no religion to tell them what funeral customs to use, no next of kin to inform. They decide to bury him near a waterfall he'd found in the woods, reuniting with Camo along the way. Himmel, meanwhile, despite being informed that they know he speaks English ("They tell me you yelled 'Knife' instead of 'Messer,' or whatever," Gold Rat says), refuses to answer the Rats' questions until being granted a meeting with Kolten, during which the Rats are surprised to learn the two are father and son--and Himmel is surprised to learn that Kolten's known who he is all along. After seeing his son is all right, he returns to Trench Rat custody and answers everything they ask him, including what connection he had to Kammler (Kolten's explanation had been accurate), and especially why he'd killed Julian. Himmel's attitude turns mocking, so much so that Camo threatens to shoot him until he repeats a phrase a guard had once mentioned to Drake--revealing he was the one who passed the message along. It abruptly becomes clear Himmel's been playing both sides, but he'd especially been invested in sabotaging the same project he oversaw, and had tried to help Kammler's test subjects in what small ways he knew how. As for Julian, Himmel tells them with obvious disgust, SHE was the turncoat who betrayed them to the Nazis: "That poor Sonderhäftling you were all so quick to blame? He had nothing to do with it. He was just your perfect scapegoat. All those years loyal--for nothing. You rewarded a traitor instead."

Camo has difficulty believing Himmel's claim, but as the war comes to an end, Himmel faces trial, and the Rats go through the records the SS left behind, more and more evidence emerges that he told the truth--and so did Teal. Despite all his time in custody and everything he went through, aside from alerting the Nazis to Silver breaking into project headquarters--an act that obviously consumed him with guilt, and which partially contributed to his suicide--he never turned on the Rats. It takes a former Nazi to tell them the truth. The remaining Rats find themselves feeling guilty over their decided lack of action to try to rescue him--ironically, Teal thwarted the only one who was about to make the effort--and also over how very little they actually knew him, despite him being one of them. He kept to himself, for his own reasons, yet they didn't exactly put in much effort to reach out to him, either. It turns out the ones who knew him best were his captors. The war may finally be over, but Teal's ultimate fate becomes a source of great shame for the Trench Rats, and is considered their biggest failure.

That's about where the main story ends, though there is some more after that. Several Rats remain in Germany following the war to help go through the SS records and try to reunite families with loved ones who were confined in camps or exterminated. They repurpose the old project headquarters, as many records and notes are located there anyway. (I'm not entirely sure but I think this building is part of the Allgemeine-SS complex where Jäger's offices and the main records building are also located.) Mahogany Rat, who located Teal's file and along with Gold had handled Teal's burial, is one of these parties. One day a bespectacled, middle-aged man is shown to his makeshift office. He's obviously American; he says that he'd gotten in touch with military officials in the US, and was directed to the Trench Rats. He's looking for Aaron, AKA Erin, AKA Teal. He introduces himself but Mahogany has no idea who he is until he mentions that Teal wouldn't have gone by his last name, he used the name of his (Teal's) mother's brother when he joined the military. This is Teal's biological father. He explains that not long ago, he and Teal's mother ran into each other and talked a bit, then argued, before she revealed that he had a son. He'd never known until then. She wouldn't tell him much, but he managed to find out his son's name, and then that he'd enlisted; there was some confusion when he asked the military officials about him, as he'd signed up with his mother's maiden name and had changed the spelling of his first name. Once that was cleared up and Teal's identity, as well as the name of the tiny, pre-war unit he'd joined, were figured out, the bad news came: Teal was reported as killed in action. With no next of kin listed, he was buried in Germany. The military official gave him the contact info of the remaining Trench Rats and he departed for Germany to try to find whatever information he could about the son he'd never known he had. Now, here he is, looking for answers.

Mahogany tells him what he knows of Teal's final moments with the Trench Rats (doing his best not to give an insensitive amount of detail, considering) but admits that none of them knew him very well; he shows Teal's father his slim personnel file ("This is the first time I've ever seen him," he says, looking at his photo; "He doesn't look at all like I imagined"), then takes him out into the woods to the waterfall by which Teal was buried. Teal's father is briefly overcome. Mahogany, seeing his grief, hesitantly mentions that there is one person who might be able to tell him a little more about his son, if he's willing. Teal's father asks that he introduce them, so Mahogany takes him to a large old mansion out in the country. A woman named Johanna answers the door and addresses Mahogany in English with a German accent; Mahogany introduces Teal's father by name, and asks if they can speak with Otto. Johanna lets them in and leaves the room. A moment later, now dressed in civilian clothes rather than a black uniform, and walking with a stick and a limp, Otto Himmel comes in to greet them. The military tribunal, while finding him guilty of lesser offenses, had cleared him of major ones, concluding that even his shooting of Anna Julian had likely saved lives; following being stripped of his rank and set free, he moved out to the country to be near Kolten. He seems puzzled when asked about Aaron and then Erin--"I'm sorry, I don't know anyone by this name"--but realization dawns when Mahogany mentions Teal, and he remembers seeing him sign his name. He's surprised to meet Teal's father, stating that he'd been led to believe he was dead. "He was Jewish...?" he adds, growing even more perplexed; "Half Jewish," Teal's father says, and clarifies that they never knew each other; he again asks for info, yet Himmel grows hesitant now. "I'm not sure how much you would like to know," he cautions; "Your son...had a difficult time here. I doubt it's how you'd want to remember him." Teal's father persists, though, so Himmel excuses them and they go to talk in private.

Himmel has to reluctantly explain how it was he knew Teal in the first place, through his job in the SS. He very carefully outlines Teal's time in Nazi custody and why he was there; Teal's father asks for more details, which he provides, pausing to make sure he wants him to continue every time he wipes tears from his eyes. Teal's father insists on the truth, no matter how unpleasant: "I feel I owe it to him to listen." Himmel can't offer much about Teal's death as he wasn't present, though he does mention Kammler's death, making it clear he feels Teal simply snapped, and wasn't a murderous sort; "It's hard to explain the things people would do to survive then. The world went mad for some years, your son was as much a victim as anyone who ended up in the camps. I'm sure he just wanted to live, but didn't know how to handle it at the end." He adds, "Your son wasn't a bad person. He tried his best to do good. He was just surrounded by the worst people and circumstances."

Teal's father tries not to break down again, murmuring, "I wish he'd come looking for me. I wouldn't have turned him away. He deserved more. I wish he could've known someone loved him." Himmel replies that he's not sure if it helps, but he believes Teal knows this now, and he's sure the two of them will meet again someday. "You believe in God?" Teal's father asks, getting the implication; "I do," Himmel replies. Teal's father asks if he'll pray for Teal with him despite them not sharing the same faith; Himmel agrees to do so. He starts reciting the prayer and is surprised when Himmel joins in; afterward he says, "You know the words," to which Himmel says, "I sort of have to," and gestures; "Johanna, and her brother Jakob, and three of our children"--since the war, he and Johanna Wolfstein have adopted seven children, who live there along with his son Kolten. He gestures for Teal's father to follow him and introduces him to Kolten and the other children, showing him around the property and inviting him to stay for supper; Teal's father declines, but thanks him for his efforts to help Teal: "I'm glad he knew at least a little bit of kindness." Himmel says he wishes he could have done more, obviously feeling guilt over his failure to protect Teal, though Teal's father reassures him he did his best.

As they're saying their goodbyes, Kolten reappears with a tentative look and a piece of paper; when Himmel acknowledges him, he shyly gives the paper to Teal's father, murmuring, "I made this, I thought you might want it." He hurries away before Teal's father can say anything; he looks at the paper and finds a realistic sketch of Teal. Himmel explains that Kolten has a savantlike ability to draw things from memory; Teal's father wipes his eyes again and thanks him for the gift. Himmel invites him to visit again should he ever return to Germany: "Everyone is welcome here like family." Teal's father promises to take him up on the offer, and they part ways.

[Teal Rat 2023 [‎Friday, ‎April ‎14, ‎2023, ‏‎5:00:07 AM]]

#artists on tumblr #ibisPaint x #SketchDaily #original characters

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coffee-at-annies · 2 years

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Love everyone saying “no Holster is hot” in the notes of Ngozi’s post from the official omgcheckplease account saying he’s ugly but it feels a way that the author is saying that the only canonically Jewish character is supposed to be ugly.

#yes I know there’s common Jewish headcanons about Jack but that’s headcanon not canon #wish there was other Jewish characters so it didn’t feel so bad but there isn’t any others #it also hurts because holster is one of two religious minority characters and everyone else is Christian or non-religious #I’m pretty sure Nursey is Muslim but if that’s unconfirmed then I guess holster is our only religious minority #omgcp #jomgcp

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madtomedgar · 2 years

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books read in march:

Patsy by Nicole Dennis-Benn: I am ambivalent. On the one hand, gorgeous, painfully beautiful writing. Blisteringly well constructed characters. Stunning portrait of intergenerational trauma and depression (seasonal). Manages better than almost anyone I have read to be both sympathetic and unsentimental about her characters. Shows them in their full and glorious range of humanity and shows the very real and awful consequences of their choices without judging or condemning them. A book about an ambiguously lesbian/bi (as in, I don’t think the character herself knows where she falls there, but the defining factor for her is that she loves women) character that isn’t About Being Gay. Really beautifully handles the nuance in how the way some lgbtq people who are closeted try to protect themselves can seriously hurt very young people struggling with their identity. Very no-nonsense portrait of life in the US for an undocumented woman, without veering into tragedy porn. I have NEVER seen a book manage to color-shift between settings the way you can in film before, but this book did. And, also, the ending was SO annoying that it almost ruined the rest of the book. I get why she did it! She wanted, possibly needed, these characters to be able to be Happy, after everything. But it was way too fast! We JUST had the big blow-up and two chapters later, everything was roses! And it was... too much? Like. I’m not trying to say characters or people like this can’t have happy endings but like. She really gilded the lily. I wish things had ended on a Looking Up note, or a like. It’s not ok NOW, but now they have the tools and the drive to make sure it’s gonna be. Or even like. Things really aren’t perfect, but they’re ok, and they’re moving in the right direction. No. It had to be christmas and easter and the fourth of july all at once. Her editor really should have stopped her. So like. Either spoil yourself and then stop before the last section, or be prepared for that. But other than the ending it’s fantastic. Also there is one glaring Why Is This Character Who Sucks Jewish/Raised Jewish HMMM?!?! moment so like. just fyi.

All The Birds, Singing by Evie Wyld: Good writing. I feel like it’s a good airplane read if you like suspense. I think I liked that I kept thinking the scary bad thing in the past was one kind of thing and then being wrong, but I also think I missed a lot of the themes because they are so wound up in Australian class and racial politics. I like the very normal portrayal of sex-work/prostitution. It’s ugly, it’s not fun, it’s not safe, but also, it’s a job, and the women doing it are just regular people. I felt she walked that line really really well. But, I either didn’t get the ending or it didn’t make sense. So, not bad, but not great.

Everything Here is Beautiful, Mira T Lee: Overall very frustrating. Not sure if that was on purpose. The author excels at creating different voices and making them both believable and distinct. There is also a bit of... hmMMMM for me around a couple of things that happen with the Jewish characters but overall I think she handled it really well. I hate that the character with schizoeffective disorder dies. I... ok on the one hand, to me, a lot of the bad things that happen in that character’s life seem obviously tied to the people around her seeing her as a problem to be solved or managed, treating her like A Mental Illness and not a person, and making every single thing she does about med compliance rather than providing good support. However, I’m not sure if that’s what the author, who is a family member of someone with a high-care-need mental health condition, was intending, and my opinion of the book kind of hinges on that. It was a much more sympathetic and human portrayal than I was expecting from a NAMI family member (it’s in her bio) but I’m still a little suspicious and I’m really annoyed that she killed off the mentally ill character the way she did.

The Fire This Time: Young Activists and the New Feminism, Vivian Labaton and Dawn Lundy Martin: Did not finish. Extremely depressing anthology put together by the founders of Third Wave feminism that really just lays out like... how optimistic they were about making feminism about everything! including men in feminism! making it sexy! and like... you can see so, so, so clearly how that got co-opted by advertising and corporations, how it set itself up to fail, and how it really set us up for the antifeminist backlash we’re now in where if you make one vent post about how men suck you are basically evil or something. I feel like I understand how we got to where we are and why so many millenial women don’t seem to have any notion of what the women’s movement or feminism actually is or did other than like. Middle class white women wanting to work corporate and lesbians hating makeup and making vagina art. Kind of wish I didn’t but like. knowledge is a good thing.

#long post

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imperiuswrecked · 3 years

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To me, it doesn’t make sense to make Magneto the main villain because it has been done so much before and it would connect it so much to the Fox Films. Also I think there is a GREAT laziness in writing Magneto especially in films. He generally didn’t want to kill all humans, subjugate them yes because he doesn’t trust them. Which isn’t a ‘good guy’ move in itself and he slips in and out of.

He legit murdered genocide I think when he was going to kill all humans. Like no.

I also think that the average cinema goer likes Magneto too much… or maybe that is me. It would also require them to recast the most famous faces of the franchises?

Like is anyone going to care if they recast Jean, Scott, Iceman, Rogue, Kitty, Beast even Mystique but Magneto? I don’t know. I have long been a fan of an actual Jewish actor playing Magneto but following Ian McKellan would be difficult for the casual fans to accept. I don’t think Fassbender left such an amazing impression.

Even my most average MCU fans friends (and god they love the MCU 😤 but I see past it) still talk about how much they want to see a Magneto solo film.

To me I would put the focus on their reveal and sentinels. Then again I thought they’ll go through Krakoa stuff. Like it turns out the mutants have been living on this Island etc

With the ‘simpler times’ comment I have to for the sake of my sanity have to think that it was because Pietro knew where he was. Things were clear to him, as much as it hurt he had his sister. The following trauma had not occurred. Again I don’t think this is true but I am trying to reason bad writing. He didn’t doubt his morality but was indebted and controlled. Shitty actions were out of his control.

I don’t read Avengers so I didn’t know he was shelved for so long.

I think the Trial of Magneto is trying to ride on the coattails of Wandavision because even though she’s not a mutant a lot of the internet was wanting Magneto to show up. So what is the best way to get those fans who wanted to see that? Set up a family comic book where they establish the family again because I guess the MCU fans heard they’ve changed their background and themselves didn’t like it.

I see the Trial of Magneto as something poorly thought out as they saw what the audience was interested in. The timeline kind of clashes uncomfortably with Inferno. Which makes me think it was wedged in there to ride the Wandavision train and undo the retcon on the side of the main storyline.

Thank you for reading my essay/rant

Ok so I'm going to first say you have a lot of great thoughts and great on picking up the whole forced feeling. You are right, it does feel wedged in there and it does feel forced because that's exactly what Marvel did.

The Trial of Magneto was supposed to be an X-Factor plot, it was Leah Williams next arc, here's an article link talking about her podcast: link (yes I know it's bleeding cool but I don't have time to listen to the podcast)

Leah Williams tells us that X-Factor was canceled because Leah's pitch for the Magneto/Wanda story for X-Factor, now called Trial Of Magneto, became such a popular pitch at Marvel but they thought the reader numbers for X-Factor wasn't big enough for this story, so they wanted it as a separate comic. And canceled X-Factor #10 rather than seeing it run as originally planned, with the Trial beginning in X-Factor #15. Williams says she only learned about the cancellation of X-Factor when she was writing #9, so as she had to finish the series quickly, squeezing six issues worth of story into those last two issues, calling it "cramped and rushed".

So I'm not a fan of Leah but the way Marvel treats it's writers has always been terrible so this cancellation doesn't surprise me. Could this be about W*ndaVision? It's likely, but it's more likely this has to do with Hickman bowing out. It's no secret literally everyone hated the retcon and I always knew it would be undone but I didn't think it would take 6 years but here we are.

Hickman leaving is a bigger thing, he stated in an interview ( link ) that he had planned Krakoa and X-Men to be a 3 arc story, and he wasn't allowed to move onto the 2nd arc because the clowns at Marvel liked the idea of Krakoa too much and I'm so mad because that's exactly the kinda behavior that annoys me with the fans, them thinking Krakoa is just a fun playground for the mutants to mess around with.

"Oh, plans have changed entirely," Hickman says. "When I pitched the X-Men story I wanted to do, I pitched a very big, very broad, three-act, three-event narrative, the first of which was House of X. And while this loosely worked as a three-year plan, I told Marvel upfront that I honestly had no idea how long the first part would last because there were a lot of interesting ideas that I had seeded that other creators would want to play with, and so, we left this rather open-ended. I was also pretty clear with all the writers that came into the office what the initial, three-act plan was so no one would be surprised when it was time for the line to pivot." Hickman continues, "However, I also knew that I was cooking with dynamite, and it was very possible that what I had written in House of X, and the ideas contained within, was not actually the first act of a three-act story, but something that resonated more deeply and worked more like Giant-Size X-Men, where it would represent a paradigm shift in the entire X-Men line for a prolonged period of time. So, during the pandemic, when the time came for me to start pointing things toward writing the second-act event, I asked everyone if they were ready for me to do that, and to a man, everyone wanted to stay in the first act. It was really interesting, because I appreciated that House of X resonated with them to the extent that they didn't want it to end, but the reality was that I knew I would be leaving the line early."

I'm so MAD because the thing I was predicting, that Hickman would have it come crashing down and everything would be revealed to be terrible and Mutant Death Sex Cult Island wasn't a paradise is never going to happen because the fucking CLOWNS at Marvel don't want him to move past it. I may have my personal gripes about some of Hickman's writing but we can't deny the man wrote one of the best if only the best Marvel Event with Fantastic Four/Avengers/Secret War.

As for the simpler times comment, like I have my theories that I wrote out here, and that's what I think is most likely but I do think Pietro's life has never been easy or simple once his adoptive parents died. Pietro could be drinking to a time before the Brotherhood.

I would love for a Jewish actor to play Magneto and any other characters who are Jewish. I would love for a Jewish writer to be able to write them too. However Ian's performance literally set him in the minds of the people as Magneto, not even Fassbender's bleh one note Magneto could compare. Imo the only reason people liked the younger Magneto was because he was young, handsome (? ig idk i dont simp for him) and they could ship him with young professor X (cowards. where is the old man ship???) But I feel like a new actor could definitely fill the role if they are Jewish and the writing was good.

Magneto's writing in comics... well I just wish we could have a Jewish writer for him. There's some great stuff for him but I feel like characters like him and Doom could be written better by non white/american writers.

Although by today's standards the og X-Men trilogy doesn't hold up I will defend the first two movies with my life simply because after Blade these movies opened up the idea that a good serious, non campy version where characters called Magneto and Cyclops were taken seriously. X2 in my mind was the definitive X-Men movie. Was it totally comic accurate? No, but it doesn't do what the MCU does, it doesn't treat the watcher like they need to have their hand held through all the military propaganda and "hints to the comics". Also side note; the reason no one cared about any of the other X-Men being recast is because all through most of the X-Men movies the focal story point has been Professor X vs Magneto. If they really want people to care about those characters/actors then we would need stories that focused on them. Not like how Storm barely had any character growth or plot in the og X-Men and even young Ororo got mishandled by the script. This is why I feel we should have "origin movies" for the X-Men that don't do what Wolverine Origins did and try to make a whole new cast but instead should use the stories as they are. If it was Kurt's story then we would see him join the X-Men, and have the other actors revolve around that. Same with each of the others, the X-Men work best when they are working off each other and each given enough screen/page time to shine. Unfortunately we all have our favorites, even movies and writers, so those are who are going to be pushed for fans to love.

Thank you for your long rant and sorry for my own long rant/reply.

#xmen #x men #comic talk #xmcu #magneto #erik lensherr #imp answers

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evilwickedme · 3 years

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ok so to sum up my feelings for leverage: redemption, season 1(a): (long post warning, there’s a tl;dr at the end)

I knew that Hardison wouldn’t be in most of the season due to Aldis Hodge being a busy bee nowadays, but I didn’t realize that meant he’d only be around for the first two episodes. He was sorely missed, not only because of my attachment to him, but also because he’s usually the grounding factor in the group dynamic, and his role as info guy and tech guy was split evenly between two characters who had their own issues.

That said, Hardison is absolutely a highlight of the two episodes he’s in. his speech about redemption was everything I could’ve hoped for (plus, more evidence for the Jewish!Hardison pile...). I wish we’d gotten to see more of his dynamic with Breanna because what we saw was funny and sweet and we don’t generally get to see Hardison taking care of somebody who so desperately needs taking care of. I hope that Aldis Hodge is around for more episodes in 1(b), because what we’re left with feels a little hollow.

Sticking to original leverage characters for now, for the most part the leverage crew still felt true to the original series as characters, even if the show itself was a little bit confused at times. The actors understand their characters and embody them so well that I think one could give them the trashiest script ever and they’d still sell it. Sophie is a particular focus in 1(a) because of Nate’s death, and she’s particularly well written as a result.

That said, I’m super bitter that we saw little to no mastermind!Parker. Parker’s character being given the mastermind role was a big deal and it feels like they’re walking it back because they feel uncomfortable with it. It is eventually given an in-text excuse, but literally in the last episode, and it was not a particularly convincing reason, and in fact contradicted moments from previous episodes (Sophie leaving for a client meeting and ignoring Parker in ep3 comes to mind). It’s frustrating, it makes the end of the original leverage feel pointless, and letting Parker make a decision once in a while is not the same thing at all. The original series repeatedly showed us that while everyone in the team had their strengths, Parker works problems and solves them in unique, interesting ways, and other characters’ days in the limelight tended to be comedic or even failures. It’s a broken promise, and a pretty major broken promise at that.

On a more positive note, Parker’s dynamic with literally everyone was fantastic. She’s possibly the best written character this season. They’ve taken the autism out of the subtext and into the text (although obviously still undiagnosed), and given her coping mechanisms that were taken seriously in the text even when they were played for laughs, which I appreciated. Her attempts to mentor Breanna were sweet, her friendship with Sophie was electric and at times (CRIMES) hilarious, and as usual, she has a fantastic dynamic with Eliot that makes my heart burst. If you don’t think they’re romantically involved, at least acknowledge there’s a life partnership here. They’ve spent the last decade together.

(We’ll get to Harry.)

Eliot isn’t given much arc-wise, which is frustrating since he’s my favorite. He’s being presented as the goal at the end of a redemption arc, ie to keep working at it every day until your soul heals or whatever, and it doesn’t reflect the message they’re trying to convey via Hardison’s speech and our two new characters. He’s got his moments, but I think they under utilized his potential.

Breanna!!! Breanna’s my new favorite, except for Eliot. She’s hilarious, she’s insecure, she’s nerdy and excited in a way that’s similar to Hardison but still distinct in its inherent teenage-girl-ness and I LOVE IT. Unlike the previous series, where Hardison’s “age of the geek” was often a joke played on Hardison, we’re at the point where Eliot and Parker are both right there with him, and so they accept and even appreciate Breanna’s nerdiness. Also, canon gay character? In YOUR Leverage? It’s more likely than you think.

(No, I never thought they’d make ot3 canon on screen. I hoped, but I didn’t think it would actually happen.)

I think Breanna’s the character that will be the most interesting to see grow. She’s got a lot of potential and a list of crimes a mile long (or more). I adore her with all my heart. I want to see her tiktok account.

Harry. Oh, Harry.

It took me a while, but I do like Harry. It took a while, because the narrative positioned him at the same level as Nate back in episode 1 of original Leverage. But in episode 1 we didn’t know the other characters. We had Nate as the POV character, and so we cared about him because we were seeing the world through his eyes. (This is TV Studies 101. I know this, because I took TV Studies 101 in 2019.) In Leverage: Redemption, we no longer have a POV character, for several reasons:

Nate, previously the POV character, is dead.

As it is, by mid-season 3 of leverage Nate was no longer a POV character. This is, coincidentally, the point where the leverage writers realized they had four other characters in the main cast they could do something with, and in-universe, Nate accepted that he was a thief, not a special Good Man.

Sophie is sort of a POV character for the first episode of the revival, but only for the first few minutes. Afterwards, the series settles into the groove of seasons 3-5, i.e., the entire crew is our POV. We know our crew, and we love them as is.

Narratively, however, Redemption insists on positing Harry as the POV character, because it is his redemption we are pursuing most vehemently. And I think they really relied on us already knowing the actor - I’ve never seen him in anything before, so to me he was a completely fresh face and they put almost no effort into selling him to me. Beyond being competent and consistently mildly baffled by the antics of the leverage crew, I honestly don’t know who this man is by the end of EIGHT episodes with him. I have a much better handle on Breanna by the end of 1(a), and I can tell you I knew all five of the original leverage crew better by the end of the first episode of the original series than I do Harry. What’s the name of his daughter, John Rogers. Is he still married. How old is the daughter. Why is none of this worth mentioning. Give him a sense of humor that isn’t reacting to other people’s shenanigans. I’m so frustrated. It’s bad writing.

I did manage to grow to like Harry by the end, but I’m pretty sure this is down to Noah Wyle’s charismatic portrayal of an under-developed character, at least partially. And I never stopped being frustrated at not knowing who this man is at all.

The two highlights of the season are undoubtedly episodes five and six. Episode five was the first time I felt like the episode was more than a collection of good moments between the main cast and mediocre moments between the main cast and also the main plot. The issues with pacing and tone that I suffered through for most of the season were mostly non-existent in ep5 and 6, and at least in episode 5 I attribute that to the pared down cast. They had time to focus not only on our actual characters - Sophie, Parker, Breanna - but also on the case. This is the only client from 1(a) I am going to remember next week without googling it first, mark my words.

Episode six worked for the exact opposite reason - it completely disregarded the client and plot and immersed itself in the characters. Breanna gets a moment to shine, but everybody else gets their bits and I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the script that was most fun to write. The characters felt natural, real, and captured the found-family dynamic that’s been missing all season for the first time.

While episode 2 is the weakest episode, I don’t actually have much to say about it. I am disappointed in episode 8. For a mid-season finale, I really expected them to do something. Instead, it was an episode about Nate Ford that copped out of being about Nate Ford (both with fake-Nate and with the new version of him being relayed to us). I would have told the writers to give that energy back to episode 1 and write an episode that’s about anybody who isn’t Harry, oh my God. I know I said I grew to like him but so many episodes were about Harry. He’s the newbie! Why didn’t Hardison get an episode that was actually about him, considering he was only around for two episodes? Why does Eliot have to be the butt of the joke when the theme of the series should directly tie back to him in a much more meaningful way? The last episode parodies their own tagline by saying Eliot isn’t just a hitter, but it deftly avoids noticing that they’ve turned him into nothing more than very muscly comic relief, including in that very episode!

Also, I hated the Marshal. Eliot actively looked uncomfortable around her.

tl;dr

The season took a while, that’s definitely true. But it did find its footing eventually, and by the halfway mark of 1(a) it finally felt cohesive again. The characters were played fantastically even when they weren’t well-written, and if nothing else, the humor landed every time. It still has its kinks and problems to work out, but if you look at it as a brand new show rather than a continuation of one that went off the air over eight years ago, it’s actually doing rather well. I’m choosing to judge it in both lights - according to its own standards, it establishes its identity in episode five; according to Leverage standards, it establishes its connection to its roots in episode six. Either way, I thoroughly enjoyed 1(a), and continue to have high hopes for 1(b).

fic writing will commence in three, two, one...

#leverage #leverage meta #leverage redemption #leverage ot3 #parker leverage #alec hardison #sophie devereaux #eliot spencer #breanna casey #harry wilson #mine

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apelcini · 3 years

Note

What’s Teyve

How I feel about this character: TEVYE IS THE JEWISH MAN OF ALL TIME he reminds me so much of my father and uncles and i love him so much

All the people I ship romantically with this character: GOLDE “do you love me” is the most pathetically romantic song of all time

My non-romantic OTP for this character: to call this an otp has really gross implications but i love the way he respects his daughters’ agency like tzeitel for example even before he knows of her pledge to motel he says to lazar wolf “well we have to ask tzeitel before we finalize anything” like he talks about his final say as the papa and it’s clearly important to him to make decisions but at the end of the day he lets his daughters have a say in their lives and he’s the best dad

My unpopular opinion about this character: tevye refusing chava’s marriage to fyedka was perfectly reasonable even if his reaction to her decision to do it anyway was rash and hurtful. people who call him a bad dad for the mere refusal are looking at this from a modern perspective without considering the historical context and are forgetting that we didn’t keep to ourselves bc we were misanthropes or something, it was a survival tactic bc goyim could easily hurt and kill us and get away scot free with no accountability. chava trusts fyedka and i don’t think he would actually hurt her but the fact remains that if his feelings changed and he wanted to, being a jewish girl married to a goyishe man her life is pretty much in his hands if he wants it to be. tevye isn’t acting out of prejudice or closemindedness, he’s acting out of a very rational fear that his daughter could be in danger.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: again i don’t want the movie to have been cluttered, but i want to see more of him just interacting with other characters because i absolutely adore just seeing jewish people interact on screen like real jews do

#i have so many thoughts about tevye’s refusal hashtag TevyeDidNothingWrong #answered #transmadotsuki #fiddler on the roof

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prose-for-hire · 4 years

Text

How btvs characters would celebrate Christmas with a s/o:

A/N: This is based on the premise that the reader loves Christmas. I am going to start the 12 days on the 14th of December leading up to Christmas day (just cos of my circumstances lol but we can pretend I planned it that way) !! ❄🖤

Buffy:

- Likes Christmas and the time of year, but like every holiday has had a bad experience

- You spend as much time as you can convincing her to stay in and watching Christmas tv with you

- But insists she had to patrol

- Even though she definitely would rather be with you

- So you suggest a walk to get her in the spirit

- To have a look at all the cool decorations and lights on people’s houses

- That way she can patrol and spend time with you at the same time

- She’ll say she always likes your company patrolling

- So you excitedly get wrapped up and get ready for quality time

- She will hold your hand the entire time

- Only letting go if she has to fight something

- You insist that you both stop and look at every house.

- You rate the houses and laugh at each others criteria

- one of Buffy’s main reasons for marking a house down was that the light meant it was easier to be seen by any adversaries

- she did like your trip to look at the lights though

- just spending this time with you

- allows her to relax

- just enjoy some simple joy

- any time with you is her favourite

- the weight of everything would crush her without you

- these walks start to become a tradition as you discuss the kind of lights you would have on your house when you share together eventually

- Will call it the most wonderful time of the year

- Both sarcastically and quietly to herself when she sees your face lit up under the christmas lights

Spike:

- Of course he likes Christmas

- Loves it

- Lots of plump humans to eat this time of year

- People have more money in their pockets for him to ‘borrow’

- Not to mention the Christmas specials

- Never misses one

- And he makes it very clear that you shouldn’t be missing any either

- Near threatens you

- Insists it’s a dealbreaker

- But if you did happen to miss one he would still give you an overview of what happened in minute detail

- To entice you to spend more time in with him, he would allow you to decorate the crypt

- Complains the entire time but secretly loves it

- Comments that he thinks the tinsel would look better like this

- It makes you giggle but you put it where he says

- Best decoration supervisor ever

- You think of making him a pin that says it

- But you know you’d get one of those withering looks

- Doesn’t really fit the theme of the room anymore

- He loves the new and improved Christmas crypt

- because now wherever he looks, there’s something that reminds him of you

- Even more than usual

- Another thing he enjoys doing is setting up the living space

- He makes it so it cannot be described in any other word than cosy

- Blankets, mountains of cushions

- If he could get a roaring fire installed he would

- His favourite time is when he has you alone

- In the glow of the Christmas lights and the low buzzing of the tv

- Whispers in your ear that you’re his favourite thing to unwrap

- Thinks his wordplay was very clever

- Even more so when you forget about the film and get wrapped up in each other

Angel:

- Doesn’t really like Christmas

- But he loves you so he’ll pretty much agree to anything

- So long as he doesn’t feel stupid

- (aka he will not dress up as santa. Don’t ask again nobody wants an argument on Christmas day)

- You do different activities

- Coffee shops with festive drinks, you find and decorate a tree you even convince him to bake a Christmas cake with you

- And he loves seeing you happy but you can tell he’s a little deflated

- You snuggle up to him in the mansion

- Just happy in each others company

- (and tired after all your activities)

- You hear a feint humming that was getting louder and louder

- Carol singers come to the door and you wince expecting his face to be set or his eyes to be rolling

- But when you look up you become a little bemused

- His face has spread in such a wide smile

- He was moving his head in time with the music

- You can’t believe it

- It’s the first time he actually seemed to be enjoying something and not just humouring you

- You ask and he explains it reminds him of being much younger

- Hearing singers in the streets

- Traditional songs

- You take his hand, kissing the back softly before pulling him to the door

- You open the door and smile at the group who start to sing louder

- You lean into Angel and he wraps an arm around you, transfixed by the song

- You gesture to him but he shakes his head.

- You ask if they know one of the traditional songs he mentioned

- And they (by some Christmas miracle) do

- He grinned from ear to ear and you listened happily

Willow:

- She’s jewish (and makes it clear every year without fail that she doesn’t want to worship santa)

- So doesn’t exactly celebrate

- But if you really love the holiday, she won’t deny you of festivities

- Just steer clear of the grotto in the mall

- She will mutter about santa under her breath for the rest of the shopping trip

- You do offer a compromise, that you sort of mix festivities together

- And you definitely swap presents, it doesn’t have to be a special occasion to give your girl gifts

- But it’s a nice excuse

- She’s very affectionate and enjoys the cosy aspect of the holiday

- You face each other in bed under the blankets

- Whispering and gazing into each other’s eyes

- You could stay there forever

- You fall asleep like that

- Entwined together

- She wakes up early and sneaks to the kitchen

- Making you a special breakfast

- Its your favourite with a little Christmas cracker on the tray she brought

- She smiles so wide as if she’s waiting for something

- You squint and offer the cracker

- You pull it and a little gift pops out

- She insists its yours

- You open it

- And gasp, it’s a ring

- She babbles, unable to stop talking hoping that you understand

- That you feel the same

- And of course you do

- It really is the most magical time of year

- Because this is the anniversary of when she proposed

- Using a Christmas cracker

- You basically tackled her and showered her with kisses

- Pulling her into bed with you

- Where you spend the rest of the day together in bed, with Christmas songs playing low in the background

Xander:

- Will love how much you like Christmas

- He was kind of on the fence about the whole thing

- (it had never been a great time of year with his family)

- But when you gushed about how much you enjoy it he absolutely stepped into christmas

- He had liked you for a really long time

- You had been casually dating but he wanted something more

- He just didn’t know how to ask

- You went everywhere together

- You took a daytrip to the Christmas market

- He wasn’t himself, he had been pitting pressure on himself to ask

- You spen the day worrying if he was trying to dump you

- But you still managed to enjoy some of the market together

- A week later, it had become too much

- He had to say it

- Or he would explode

- “Will you be, uh, mine? Not just for Christmas… for y’know at least the rest of the year” he joked

- This was the sweetest, most Xander way of saying what you had both felt for so long

- You nodded enthusiastically

- Not able to hide the smile

- It was all you had wanted for christmas

- You look up, seeing the mistletoe for the first time

- You look back at him and he grinned

- You both lean in, your lips meeting

- Not for the first time, but this time was special

- A revelation like you were kissing for the first time

- It was the best Christmas gift you could have wished for

Anya:

- Loves Christmas

- It’s a capitalists dream

- And she’s determined to soak up every corporate moment of it

- She enjoys receiving gifts but she writes a very extensive list that she expects people to stick to

- Luckily you know her inside out and get her a gift she cherishes as much as she does you

- You invite her to have Christmas day with you, seeing as she has no surviving relatives

- But realises she has never experienced a family Christmas

- And wants to know what the big deal is

- She smiles and nods

- You bring her to the place you’re staying and introduce her to the people you choose to spend the holidays with

- She struggles to get along with everyone at first

- Nobody is used to her right away

- Kit can take time to understand her bluntness isn’t malicious

- She steps outside into the cold

- Thinking, frustrated thinking she was being left out again

- Secretly sensitive over not fitting in

- But you come and join her

- Reassuring her and hugging her from behind

- She moves into you rubbing her hands along your arms

- Explaining and sighing

- You take her hand, bringing her further into the garden

- You whisper, explain that if she isn’t happy you can travel back to Sunnydale no matter how far away it was

- You want her to be comfortable

- You even would start a new tradition of celebrating just you and her if she would prefer it

- Turns to look at you and at the house

- Shakes her head

- Explains that she just wanted things to be perfect for you and they hadn’t been

- And you insist that as long as she’s happy it is perfect

- And she nodded

- All your favourite people are together

- You smile at each other, both satisfied

- Flakes of snow start to fall slowly around you

- She squealed, looking around

- You kiss, surrounded by the thick flakes

- Hearing everyone you loved calling you both to come in

Giles:

- Doesn’t have the best track record with Christmas

- It didn’t hold the best memories for him

- Prefers a more understated affair

- (rather than masses of people and being stuffed to the brim with food)

- Just wants to spend the season with you and him

- With a cosy fire going and warm drinks in the evenings

- You decorate the tree together

- You stop every so often, not able to help yourself kissing him

- He’s in such a good mood you just want this time to last forever

- There were no demons getting in your way

- No research he had to do

- You even managed to convince him to watch one of those cheesy Christmas romcoms

- (he insisted he didn’t enjoy it, but he cuddled up to you while you watched)

- You spend a lot of time together, never getting tired

- Your happiest moments are when you are together

- You decide to do some Christmas baking

- He digs out some great recipes for you and he strums his guitar lazily as you prep the kitchen

- You make mince pies together

- Laughing and chatting as you throw flour around the kitchen and he tries his best o clear up as he goes along

- He plays some Christmas songs as you wait for the goodies to cook

- You hum along to the songs as he sings

- He smiles, he loves it when you join in

- The smell of the baking invokes strong memories of being at home for Christmas

- He insists one day he wants to take you to England for the season

- Thinks you would enjoy seeing where he’s from

- And wants to share that part of himself with you

- Wants you to know him

Cordy:

- Really enjoys Christmas

- You watch Christmas movies together

- All snuggled up under the softest blankets

- She gets them shipped in

- She gives the best cuddles

- And has a million scented candles for every mood and occasion

- The Christmas ones are the best

- She starts talking non-stop about the biggest event of the season

-You were new to town and didn’t know anything about it

- There was some winter ball that Sunnydale High held every year

- The theme was winter wonderland

- And everyone dressed up

- You were apprehensive but she insisted that she couldn’t have fun without you

- She helped you get dressed and kissed you excitedly

- There wasn’t a spot on your face that hadn’t been brushed lovingly by her lips

- You arrived and had the best time

- The decorations were beautiful

- There were ice sculptures and beautifully crafted décor

- Cordelia explained her father made a donation to make the event more tasteful

- You voted for the winter wonderland royalty

- As the night went on you couldn’t help watching her

- Smiling and laughing

- Never able to keep her eyes off you though no matter what was going on

- Santa announced the winners at the end of the night

- You won wonderland royalty

- She was expecting it but you were surprised

- She insisted it was because you were both so attractive together

- But really, everyone could see how in love you were

- They cheered as you got crowned and you turned and kissed Cordelia on the stage

- When you go to her house at the end of the night, you collapse into bed together

- Your fancy clothes still on as you huddled together thanking your lucky Christmas star that you met her

Oz:

- Indifferent on Christmas as a whole

- But very big on doing good deeds at this time of year

- But doesn’t tell anyone

- You were Christmas shopping trying to find something for him

- It was your first Christmas as an official couple so you wanted the gift to be perfect

- You spot him outside collecting for charity

- You smile and wave and think you detect a look of embarrassment

- Quickly hides his sheepishness

- But he nods at you as you stand next to him with your shopping bags

- You ask how long he’s been doing this and he just shrugs

- But when you ask if you could join him sometime his eyes lit up

- (but of course he just says how much he would like it with his face still completely neutral)

- He leans in and pulls you into him, hugging you and kissing your temple

- You turn up the next week he was worried you would bail

- He had been ecstatic you wanted to come

- After a few hours he can’t help grinning at you like an idiot

- Oz holds your hand, looking down at the way they were interlocked

- He loved seeing you like this

- Expressing his affection this way meant a lot to him

- You meant a lot to him

- He had so much he wanted to say, mostly that you fit so well together

- But he knew nothing he could say would cover it

- All he knew was he wanted you to stay with him. By his side

- Instead, he opted to buy you your favourite hot drink after you had finished up

- You went to the Espresso Pump

- He knew your order by heart and insisted on paying

- As a thank you for joining him

- He is so effortlessly cool but you can tell it meant a lot to him

- And you were glad, because spending time with him is the best

- It became a Christmas tradition

- Even after you moved to LA together, you continued to commit your time to do charity work and spend as much time together as you could

- You were made for each other

Faith:

- Not used to celebrating

- Used to hate this time of year

- But she’s slowly warming up to it

- She tries to avoid anything too cheesy

- Won’t be a big fan of gushing

- But she will definitely humour you if it makes you happy

- Can be the softest ever if you’re her person

- Will take a very long time figuring out the perfect gift

- Wants it to be decent for you

- Won’t decorate the motel room but will allow you to put on one (1) Christmas movie on

- So pick a good one

- You can tell she enjoys it, even more when she finds out its one of your favourites

- Will slowly move closer as the film plays

- Eventually cuddling into you

- You smile, but don’t say anything

- You don’t want her to move away

- After the movie, the afternoon still stretches before you

- You have an idea

- So you step out and insist you’ll be back

- You hit the craft store and the local supermarket

- And come back with armfuls of bags

- You have crafts and music and tons of snacks

- You insist you’re having a party

- Just you and her

- She smiles and shakes her head but she enjoys herself

- You make baubles and Christmas decorations for your house (she still insists she doesn’t want any in the motel)

- You listen to music and share the snacks

- She throws some crisps (or chips if u insist) at you for making her do something so cheesy

- When you leave to go home and decorate, she feels a little lonely

- But looks on her pillow to see the one decoration you had spent a lot of time making

- It was for her

- She smiled, hanging it on her bed post

- She really was soft for you

Riley:

- Misses being a kid at Christmas

- But your enthusiasm is almost as magical to him

- He’s very used to the harsher sides of reality so having something like this with you really makes him happy

- He’ll probably plan something every year, make it a tradition

- He’ll try and top the year before each time

- You insist he doesn’t have to

- But he wants to, in fact he looks forward to it more than the actual day

- This year is no exception

- He planned a trip to an ice skating rink

- You had explained that you hadn’t been since you were a child

- You clung to him tight

- Eventually it was just an excuse to be close to him as you got the hang of it again

- You skated together

- Laughing and holding hands

- He looked at you so lovingly you swore you would melt into the ice below

- You both stopped in the middle of the rink

- Just staring into each other’s eyes

- He grins, suddenly skating away and pulling you with him

- His plans hadn’t finished

- You end up on the roof of the rink

- (he knows someone that let you go up there)

- There are blankets and cushions

- You lie there, staring up at the starry sky

- Cuddling up together

- You tell him it’s the best surprise yet and cling to him so tightly

- Not needing an excuse anymore

- You vow to yourself that next year, you’re going to surprise him

- And so you get plotting for next year

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simpingforthehunt · 4 years

Text

In the Belly of the Whale

So I was going to do this scene by scene but that got way too long in my notes. Either way, it's good that I'm writing down my thoughts that way because it definitely helps me organize everything, as well as allow me to have the contents of the show on a document. The episodes will have a slightly different format with different characters appearing based on the episode, and some sections will be added or removed. This will include some personal annecdotes, as I can relate to moments within the show.

Masterlist

Warnings: Antisemitism (obviously), Spoilers for the show

General notes for the overall show

I really love how well-researched the time period was because the set and costumes were spot on

The soundtrack is INCREDIBLE

Whoever the DOP is I want to thank them because the transitions and general camera work is both satisfying and fun to watch

The repetition in the dialogue was an interesting creative choice, and there are moments I hate it but overall it's was a really cool decision

Characters

Jonah: Portrayed by Logan Lerman.

Jonah's an interesting character because Logan Lerman plays him in a way that seems similar to the way he acted as Percy Jackson in the movies. In the Riordan series, we see Percy get pushed further into the darkness as time goes on because of all the trauma he's experienced growing up. We see that in the ten episodes of Hunters with Jonah's journey. There are moments in the show where I think "that's a lot like Percy" and for this episode specifically, it's honestly just the way Logan acts. There are better examples later on.

Jonah begins as this innocent teen that had just lost his grandmother and is grieving. His grief often comes out as anger, and he takes it out on others without realizing it. He start his descend into darkness when Meyer enters his life.

Ruth - Portrayed by Jeannie Berlin.

Ruth is the Bubbe I've always wanted. My grandmother on the Jewish side of my family passed away when I was three so I never knew her. her name was Ruth. Because of that, I have a connection to both Ruth and Jonah. Definitely made her death harder to watch.

Cheeks - Portrayed by Henry Hunter Hall.

Cheeks is an interesting character. He is one of Jonah's best friends, and clearly cares for him. I can't say much now, but I really hope he's a more frequent character in season 2.

Booty - Portrayed by Caleb Emery.

I really love Booty, and I wish he was a more significant character. More thoughts on him later.

Carol - Portrayed by Ebony Obsidian.

I love/hate Carol. She seems to run into the arms of white boys, and I know she's hinted to be Jonah's love interest but I'm glad they didn't actively pursue that relationship. Again, more on that later.

Meyer - Portrayed by Al Pacino.

Dude reminds me of Dumbledore. At first glance he seems like a savior and a mentor, but as time goes on his manipulative tactics are clearer and he only does what benefits him. I had a weird feeling about him from the start, tbh. He never lied to Jonah, but he stretched the truth enough that the audience believed him to be Meyer.

Millie - Portrayed by Jerrika Hinton.

Millie gives no fucks and takes no shit from anyone. She is the perfect example of a Ravenclaw, and is the only character that isn't a complete idiot. She pieces things together quickly, and I love her a lot.

Detective Sommers - Portrayed by Tramell Tillman.

I like his character a lot and sincerely hope we see more of him in season 2.

Travis - Portrayed by Greg Austin.

Dude's really creepy and I hate the fact that I like his costuming. There were so many moments in the episode that made me really uncomfy and hate him with a burning passion, but the actor is doing a great job with his character.

Biff - Portrayed by Dylan Baker.

The actor that plays Biff is SO talented! The quick switches between accents is a hard thing to do, and he's done a great job. Biff is a selfish asshole, but Dyland Baker portrays him so well.

What I liked:

Honestly, pretty much anything that isn’t mentioned in the below section is what I liked, but there’s one specific scene that stood out to me.

At the beginning, when the trio is coming out from watching Star Wars and talking about it.

NOW

I’m not a fan of Star Wars so most of it confused me, however the conversation foreshadowed Jonah’s fate by the end of it. I just thought that was really cool, and a fantastic creative choice.

What I didn’t like:

The human chess board.

Now, okay. On a creative standpoint, as a writer/director myself, I understand what David Weil was trying to portray with this scene. I understand that he wanted to show the horrors of the Holocaust and show the extent of how bad it had gotten.

HOWEVER

As a Jew, it made me uncomfortable. Just like the Auschwitz Memorial stated, it enourages Holocaust Denial. It is more than possible to show the horrors of the Holocaust in a fictional show, by telling the truths and the facts. A great example of a fictional piece about the Holocaust is the book Daniel’s Story, which follows the experiences of the children during the war.

So yeah... not a fan of it.

Reform Jewish Confusion:

So what’s up with the menorah’s in the funeral home??? That’s just a Hanukkah thing??? What???

Also when it comes to sitting Shiva, in Reform Judaism it is common for more than just immediate family to sit Shiva. Is this different in Orthodox or Conservative Judaism?? Also, if it’s immediately family only why are like,,, most of the people there?

Explaining specific things the best I can:

Baruch HaShem means thank G-d.

Mitzvah means duty, which is why Meyer views The Hunt as Mitzvah rather than murder. Like it’s a commandment from G-d.

#hunters amazon prime

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ronnytherandom · 4 years

Text

Only A Few Things But A Lot To Say On Some

1/2/2021: Ponyo

Beautiful. Holy shit. The best stuff. Everything in this is so lovely, it brought me to tears. I can barely put into words just how much I enjoyed this film. Aside from the Standard Ghibli Rules, it has moments of exceptional humanity which really push this film to its own level; everyone’s just so nice to each other. This might be my favourite Ghibli film.

2/2/2021: The Prince of Egypt

Really very good. Technically impressive all around. The art is beautiful, the VA is impressive and the music is powerful. Its even powerfully emotional at moments, especially just after they cross the Red Sea. I think notably here the integration of CG effects with the animation has aged quite well which helps moments such as the Red Sea climax remain especially impactful, I especially enjoyed Moses’ revelation scene where the animation is in the style of New Kingdom Egypt inscriptions, I felt that was an interesting style to animate and it reminded me of the classical Greek vase style of animation employed in Apotheon, a game I adore. The music is a key aspect and I think there are a couple of issues but I have mainly praise. Some of the numbers are not so memorable but at least they’re not actively bad; I feel Deliver Us does a fantastic job of carrying the rest of the film. Similarly it exemplifies the excellent Hebrew singing which I absolutely love the presence of, to a degree where I wish there had been more. Obviously this is lacking purely because it’s a film designed for western English audiences but I feel like the music could have been even better with a wider adoption of Hebrew vocals. There are also the excellent bridges in a couple of pieces which really feel like regional music and help root the film in its north African setting. I do feel however that the film suffers for appearing in the era where animated musicals were changing the format a little and I think the songs could do to be sung “physically” in the film with more consistency. Imagine how much more powerful the final scenes would be if you could see the Hebrews singing rather than simply waving random instruments around. I think this film also does an excellent job in not whitewashing a Jewish story as much as is typically found in western Christianity. I can’t speak to the hiring of white actors for Jewish and Egyptians roles as I do not know the casts nationality but I think that a western production portraying a non-white Moses would be notable in Christian media even by present standards.

4/2/2021: Corpse Bride

Wonderful, short and sweet and masterfully done. Id argue that every aspect of this film demonstrates excellence, VA through animation through directing through soundtrack. Especially the soundtrack, Mr Elfman is the MVP as per usual; I’m going to have this theme stuck in my head for hours. This is in no small part due to the sheer star power of the production, so many big names, though above all others it is a joy to hear Christopher Lees voice. The plot doesn’t bore as it is always moving; to be expected given the short run time but it isn’t so fast paced as to be overbearing. I feel the musical moments aid in that regard by effectively extending moments of exposition over longer periods than would be achieved merely through dialogue while adding a lot of fun. I think its evident that a lot of fun was also had in designing the characters and using undead qualities to create fun gimmicks though I wonder where on earth all the women’s organs are supposed to be? The humour is very good, very dry, but I like that. I don’t think anything falls flat. And I really appreciate the message about not always sticking to the plan and about finding your own way in a world that strives to constrain you, rolling with the punches and not letting misfortune and mistakes keep you down.

7/2/2021: Star Wars Battlefront 2 (2017, 14 hours inc. Resurrection DLC)

This is a good game with some problems, mostly minor though. Thankfully I didn’t play it while it was a hellhole of microtransactions but the legacy of that policy can still be felt. While it is good that all abilities and cosmetics are unlocked pretty much from the get go or after a couple hours of gameplay the “live service and microtransactions” design philosophy often creates an inefficient UI which manifests as all the character menus being a bit of a chore to work through especially when unlocking new abilities. The animations are nice but get old very quickly and id rather just have the damn thing. There is also that the story is pretty weak in both the main game and the dlc. Missions don’t feel like they play into a wider arc. There was certainly the potential to have a thoughtful examination of Iden Versio’s deradicalisation but it isn’t built as a slow process and doesn’t create any drama, she simply flips to the Good Guys pretty much immediately and I think that’s a shame as the story they’ve actually decided to tell is very weak given that it occurs almost entirely in 2 cutscenes and the rest of everything is just plot and events with no real purpose except to facilitate gameplay. There is also the issue of nostalgia where every other level of the story is a “remember this?” moment which serve simply as set pieces and a facsimile of what once was with Supermarket Own Brand versions of the OG characters. Resurrection is not much better but it is better, and I think its testament to the fact that the inferno squad actors were genuinely trying as it’s the only point of the story where I felt even a tinge of emotional rapport. There are some minor gameplay gripes, like why on earth does the game keep changing my loadout between levels and then provide a chest to alter then when it could in fact just use a preparation menu before the mission starts. Maybe also something should be done about enemies spawning in sight or even immediately behind you? Minor gripes aside the gameplay is solid and satisfying. Characters feel good to move with, guns are fun to shoot (though they don’t really differ too much in identity) and abilities feel impactful. I adore the idea behind the little reloading minigame, I think that is superb, as well as other additions to the battlefront format such as the expansion of class roles and abilities. Most of the heroes are very fun to play as, especially anyone with a jetpack, but I protest at the consistent failure to bring jedi into videogames. You just need to refer to the Jedi Knight games; it hasn’t been done better since. As is its fine but underwhelming. I think from a gameplay standpoint everything comes together as beautifully as the visuals but everything around it needs a little bit more attention.

#ponyo #prince of eqypt #corpse bride #star wars battlefront 2 #star wars #film #animation #video games #opinion #i dont know what im doing

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excuseme-howdareyou · 4 years

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Death

@alculai (While I’m not the best at writing bad family, I’m unfortunately great at death and grief)

Warning: Major character death

Song of choice: ‘For This You Were Born’ by UNSECRET

..........

“Come on, come on, where is it?” Tim grumbled to himself as he practically tore apart his closet in search of his glove. It was right here! Or at least it had been last night when he got off patrol with Bruce at 2am. Tim had come home from a long night, exhausted and sore, and just kinda… threw off his uniform and tossed it into the closet. The uniform had been right where he threw it when he got dressed for tonight’s patrol. Minus one green glove.

Tim scratched his head and stared at his other hand, his bare hand. He needed that glove!

“Looking for this?” Batman popped up behind him, helpfully holding up the missing glove.

“Guukk!” Tim screeched.

……………….

If he didn’t know any better, Tim would think the night was getting colder. But no, this was the height of summer in Rome, and Rome summers were hot and sticky.

‘Heh, guess I got the sticky part down,’ he chuckled to himself and spared a glance at his palm. The night was dark, but the streetlights just strong enough to show the glimmer of blood. With a grimace, he pressed his hand back against his side. Shit, it wasn’t even stinging anymore. Just a dull ache and he could feel himself shivering. It felt like the night was getting colder but he knew better.

This alley was dark and dirty and whatever little shelter he found behind this dumpster would only last so long. ‘Come on, Tim, time to get going,’ he encouraged himself. With his free hand, he reached up and grasped the side of the dumpster to pull himself up.

‘Just a… just a little bit further.’

……………………

“Bruce Wayne?”

Bruce looked up from speaking with Lucius and saw two men in pressed trousers and simple button ups. Law enforcement of some kind, his senses told him, seeing the faint outline of a firearm at the calf of the taller one. “Hello,” he greeted them with his best Wayne smile,” How can I help you gentlemen?”

Just like he was expecting, they both held up their wallets sideways. “I’m Agent Markos of INTERPOL,” the shorter, blonde one said,” This is Agent Paul, we have some questions to ask you about your son.”

Internally, Bruce was grimacing. ‘Oh geez, what has Jason done this time?’ But outside he appeared worried,” Oh boy, they didn’t cause an international incident, did they?”

While the taller one continued to glare him in that subtle way, the shorter one at least attempted to be polite about the whole thing. “Mr. Wayne, when was the last time you saw your son?” he asked.

“Just yesterday I spoke to Dick, we talked on the phone for a little bit about his work,” Bruce answered readily enough. Granted, the work they talked about was Nightwing cases, but he could let the agents assume he meant they talked about Dick’s work as a police officer. “Damian I saw this morning as he went to school.”

“And your other son?”

“Jason’s happily running the Ice Lounge as far as I know.”

Whatever mock-politeness was on the taller agent’s face dissolved as he all but scowled at him. “Your other son,” he prompted through gritted teeth. His younger counterpart discreetly hushed him and one elbow pressed against his side until he stepped back and let the blond take the lead again.

It was Lucius who figured it out first. “Oh my god,” his jaw dropped open,” Tim. It’s Tim, isn’t it? Is he alright?” He looked between the two agents, becoming more anxious as he looked at their contrite faces. “Please, tell us. What’s happened?” he practically pleaded.

Agent Markos took a slow, measured breath. “Mr. Wayne, Mr. Fox,” he began,” I’m sorry to tell you, Tim Drake’s body was found three days ago in Rome, Italy…”

‘No…’

All the breath left Bruce’s body in one big whoosh.

“...Our medical examiner reports he passed on sometime last week…” Agent Markos was still speaking but… but Bruce could barely hear him, could barely comprehend what he was saying.

“...We’re trying to establish the last time he had contact with any of his family, try to figure out why he was in Rome…”

‘Tim… no, no… not Tim…’

“...-ayne? Mr. Wayne?-”

Then all went black.

……………………

Boarding schools weren’t big on the whole holiday thing. Sure, they put up decorations wherever there was room, allowing the professors to hang wreaths on their classroom doors and turned a blind eye when a student decked out his room in flashing colored lights. But beyond winter break and the decorations, the holidays were wholly unappetizing is one were to stay there for the Christmas season.

Mom and Dad weren’t able to fly back for the holidays, a new room of artifacts had been discovered on their dig and everything needed to be closely studied and catalogued. Or at least, that’s what he thought needed to be done. He wished they would tell him what they found, what was so exciting that they couldn’t fly back for just two days. Heck, he’d even take one day.

He could go home for winter break, head back to Drake Manor and hang out for two weeks before classes started after New Years. But the manor was empty and he doubted the cleaning service bothered to put up wreaths and lights while they kept the place tidy. Here, in his half of the dorm room, there were lights strung up around his four poster bed and a tiny little pine tree on his nightstand. That would have to be festive enough. And hey! He actually had the dorm to himself for once, as his roommate went back to Philadelphia to visit family.

It wasn’t such a bad Christmas, he surmised. He even got a little present from Batman when they finished patrol last night and a day off, telling him to enjoy Christmas. That had to have been big, Tim guessed, because he was pretty sure Bruce was Jewish and didn’t think he celebrated Christmas. Then he wondered if perhaps it was Dick who celebrated Christmas and that’s why Bruce got him a present, because he got Dick one too and thought might as well get both Robins something for the holiday. He wondered if Dick had driven home for the holiday, taking a weekend off from work and he wondered if they set up a big Christmas tree in the Wayne Manor. He bet they did. That sounded like something Alfred would do.

He wondered if when Bruce sent him home for the holiday, did he know he was sending Tim back to an empty dorm at the boarding school?

………………

Tim used to think Rome was beautiful. Hated how hot and muggy it got, but dreamed of vacationing here whenever the cold winter of Gotham got to him. Seriously thought of opening a safehouse in the city somewhere, just so he could make an excuse of a case in Europe and escape to Italy for a week. Let the sun and heat warm up his bones.

Now, he hated the city. Hated how it was unfamiliar and when he stumbled out of the alley, he had no freaking clue where he was. Didn’t even know which was way north, which was really stupid because that wouldn’t help him in the slightest even if he knew because Tim didn’t know where the hell he was in the city. Now he hated how hot and muggy it was and yet he still felt cold, hated how he could feel the stickiness of sweat along his hairline. His breaths came in faster and shallower, could feel his heartbeat staccatoing in his chest.

Help. He needed help. It was stupid to go out without his gear tonight. Stupid to go walking around Rome without his Red Robin gear, but he just wanted to be Tim for a night. Just wanted to explore the city a little bit, enjoy the old architect that was so different from Gotham and photograph buildings he’s never seen before.

Just wanted to celebrate having dismantled a serial killing cult and spend one last night in Rome before heading home.

Just didn’t think he’d stumble across one last surviving member of the cult sacrificing a young woman to their dark god. Didn’t think he’d have to fight for his life as a man/beast/shadow of a thing bore down on him with blades and knives. Didn’t think that when he twisted the thing’s arm beyond having broke it, it’d turn to him and laugh. Didn’t think it’d laugh in his terrified face and then a long claw would pierce under and through his ribs.

Didn’t think he’d be running through the dark alleys of Rome and desperately searching for help.

He tried his phone again, pressing the little button on the side that would send out a distress beacon. He was halfway across the world, but Batman would be able to get it, right? He’d be able to see that Tim was in trouble, and he’d come to the rescue right? Even if Bruce couldn’t get here in time, he’d call Superman or the Flash couldn’t he?

‘Superman,’ Tim realized suddenly, thinking himself very stupid. “Kon-el,” he rasped, growing suddenly wearier when he spoke,” Kon… Connor…help.” He prayed he would hear him, like Kon promised he would always hear Tim if he called out to him.

Then he remembered Kon was dead and a whine of despair escaped his throat.

…………………

Jason announced his presence with a bang and shouting, as always. He kicked the door to Bruce’s study open with all the force of a hurricane and stormed in. “I swear to God if this is another one your fucking convoluted plans to have another one of your Robins infiltrate a secret organization, I’ll rip your heart out through your-” he bellowed then fell silent once he got a look at Bruce.

He… he didn’t look good.

Bruce sat at his desk, supposedly going over the report that had been “acquired” from INTERPOL. Only… only he wasn’t reading. He wasn’t even looking at them. Bruce sat at his desk, head bowed and hands buried in his hair, gripping so tight his fingers had long gone white. His shoulders were trembling.

“It’s real, Jason,” he spoke in a ragged voice,” He’s really-” His mouth clacked shut with a click, unable to even speak it but somehow unable to even voice his grief with sobs.

Jason’s heart leapt up into his throat. “It’s not a…” he breathed in shock and disbelief,” You mean the replacement’s really-”

“He was not a replacement!” Bruce shouted at him with all the gentleness of a slap to the face. Shaking fingers slammed against the desk as he shot to his feet to scream at his second eldest. “Tim is my son just as much as you and Dick and Damian! He was not a replacement or a spare or a pretend son as I’ve heard you call him on more than one occasion! He was my son and now he’s dead and-” His face fell and Jason could see the cracks in his armor as Bruce all but fell back into his seat,” My son is dead and I didn’t even realize he was missing.”

………………….

Bruce was… Bruce was sure taking his damn time getting here, Tim thought as he staggered down the street. Or was it la via? Huh, he could’ve sworn he knew Italian, but at the moment Tim couldn’t remember any word in Italian to save his life. All he knew was there was cobbled stone beneath his feet and rough walls that scratched his palm as he made his way along.

There were no more lights in this area. Tim wondered why there were no streetlights, that had to be the only reason why it was so dark. It was late at night, he knew that, but why did it have to be so dark? Putting one foot in front of another was a monumental effort. Fingers scrambled along the wall until he felt what had to be a door. There was wood and metal, and yes, a handle.

A door. A door meant inside a building and inside meant people. Help. He had found help. Tim grasped the handle for a brief second before slamming his hand against the wood thrice. The sound echoed in the dark, but no voices answered him. It was late, it was night, maybe they didn’t hear him? He slammed his hand twice more. When no answer came, he tried the handle.

It was unlocked. Unlocked and open as he squeezed the handle and leaned his entire weight against the wood. He lurched inside, barely catching himself against the door before falling to the floor. It was dark inside but that was okay, it was late, it was night, they were probably asleep. “Help,” he called out, little more than a rasp,” Hello?”

He stepped forward and tripped over… something, and fell. There was carpet beneath his fingers as he tried to catch himself. An odd thing to notice as he tried to stand again, but that’s what he noticed. As well as how he didn’t have enough strength in his arm to push himself up. He felt so… weak. Weak and useless. Couldn’t even stand up from the floor. What would Damian think of him as he was now? What would Bruce think?

A sob escaping his throat, Tim rolled onto his side and pressed a hand against his stomach. It didn’t even hurt anymore, but there was a tiny voice in the back of his mind telling him ‘pressure, keep pressure on it’. He just had to keep pressure on it until help could get here. He just had to keep pressure on it until Bruce got here.

Tim laid on the floor and cried as he waited for someone to come.

#tw: gore #tw: death #tw: character death #Tim Drake #bruce wayne #Jason Todd #dc #dc comics #batman #oh god now i'm crying #how dare you make me cry while writing my own story?

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writingwithcolor · 5 years

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Fairy Tale Retellings with POC

@anjareedd asked:

Hello, Writing with Color! First of all, thank you for all you do. Second, do you have any advice for a white person retelling fairy tales, both European fairy tale and non-European fairy tales? Is it okay to retell non-European fairy tales? I would feel bad if all fairy tales I retold were European as those are over represented, but given how much white people have erased and whitewashed other culture's fairy tales I understand if that were off-limits for a white person. Thank you!

Fairy tale retellings are my favorite thing. I love reading, rewriting and creating new fairy tale-style stories with People of Color!

As you write, keep in mind:

European does not mean white.

The possibility of PoC in European or Western historical settings tends to throw off so many. There are plenty of European People of Color, then and today. You can have an Indian British little red riding hood and it isn’t “unrealistic.” And we wanna read about them!

Still, research the history of your settings and time period. Use multiple credible sources, as even the most well-known ones may exclude the history of People of Color or skim over it. The stories might be shoved into a corner, but we live and have lived everywhere. The specific groups (and numbers of) in a certain region may vary, though.

How and when did they or their family get there, and why?

Has it been centuries, decades, longer than one can remember?

Who are the indigenous people of the region? (Because hey, places like America and Australia would love to have you believe its earliest people were white...)

Is there a connection with the Moors, trade, political marriage; was it simply immigration?

No need to elaborate all too much. A sentence or more woven into the story in passing may do the trick to establish context, depending on your story and circumstance.

Or if you want to ignore all of that, because this is fantasy-London or whatever, by all means do. POC really don’t need a explanation to exist, but I simply like to briefly establish context for those who may struggle to “get it”, personally. This is a side effect of POC being seen as the Other and white as the default.

Although, if PoC existing in a fairy tale is the reader’s biggest stumbling block in a world of magic, speculation, or fantasy, that’s none of your concern.

Can you picture any of the people below, or someone with these backgrounds, the protagonist of their own fairytale? I hope so!

Above: Painting of Dido Elizabeth Belle (1760s - 1800s), British Heiress with her cousin. Check out her history as well as the movie, Belle (2013).

Source: English Heritage: Women in History - Dido Belle

Above: Abraham Janssens - The Agrippine Sibyl - Netherlands (c. 1575)

“Since ancient times Sybils were considered seers sent by god, priestesses foretelling the coming of great events. This model serves to depict the Sybil of Agrippina, one of the 12 that foretold the coming of Christ. Notice the flagellum and crown of thrones which are symbolic objects reminding the viewer of Christs suffering.” X

Above: “Major Musa Bhai, 3 November 1890. Musa Bhai travelled to England in 1888 as part of the Booth family, who founded the Salvation Army.” X

Above: Eleanor Xiniwe and Johanna Jonkers, respectively and other members of the African Choir, who all had portraits taken at the London Stereoscopic Company in 1891.

“The African Choir were a group of young South African singers that toured Britain between 1891 and 1893. They were formed to raise funds for a Christian school in their home country and performed for Queen Victoria at Osborne House, a royal residence on the Isle of Wight.” X

The examples above just scratch the surface. Luckily, more and more historians and researchers are publishing lesser known (and at times purposefully masked) PoC history.

More Sources

PoC in History (WWC Search Link)

POC in Europe (WWC Search Link)

The Black Victorians: astonishing portraits unseen for 120 years

Hidden histories: the first Black people photographed in Britain – in pictures

Let’s talk about oppression and slavery

There is a hyper-focus on chattel slavery as if the times when and where it occurred is the only narrative that exists. And even when it is part of a Person of Color’s history, that is seldom all there is to say of the person or their lives. For example, Dido Elizabeth Belle.

People of Color were not all slaves, actively enslaved, or oppressed for racial reasons at all times in history! Dig deep into the research of your time period and region. Across the long, wide history of the world, People of Color are and were a norm and also NOT simply exceptions. Explore all the possibilities to discover the little known and seldom told history. Use this as inspiration for your writing.

PoC (especially Black people) were not always in chains, especially in a world of your making.

Don’t get me wrong. These stories do have a place and not even painful histories should be erased. I personally read these stories as well, if and when written by someone who is from the background. Some might even combine fairy tale, fantasy, and oppression in history. However...

There are plenty of stories on oppressed PoC. How many fairy tales?

Many European tales have versions outside of Europe.

Just because a tale was popularized under a western setting doesn’t mean that it originates there. Overtime, many were rewritten and altered to fit European settings, values and themes.

Read original tales.

You might be inspired to include a story in its original setting. Even if you kept it in a western setting, why not consider a protagonist from the ethnicity of the story’s origin?

For example: the Cinderella most are familiar with was popularized by the French in 1697. However, Cinderella has Chinese and Greek versions that date back from the 9th Century CE and 6th Century BCE, respectively.

Choosing a Setting: European or Non-European?

I do not see anything wrong with either (I write tales set in western and non-western settings, all with Heroines of Color). There is great potential in both.

Non-Western Settings (pros and cons)

Normalizes non-Western settings. Not just the “exotic” realm of the Other.

Potential for rich, cultural elements and representation

Requires more research and thoughtfulness (the case for any setting one is unfamiliar with, though)

European or Western Setting (pros and cons)

Normalizes PoC as heroes, not the Other, or only fit to be side characters.

Representation for People of Color who live in Western countries/regions

Loss of some cultural elements (that character can still bring in that culture, though! Living in the West often means balancing 2+ cultures)

Outdated Color and Ethnic Symbolism

Many fairy tales paint blackness (and darkness, and the Other) as bad, ominous and ugly, and white as good and pure.

Language that worships whiteness as the symbol of beauty. For example: “Fair” being synonymous with beauty. Characters like Snow White being the “fairest” of them all.

Wicked witches with large hooked noses, often meant to be coded as ethnically Jewish people.

Don’t follow an old tale back into that same pit of dark and Other phobia. There’s many ways to change up and subvert the trope, even while still using it, if you wish. Heroines and heroes can have dark skin and large noses and still stand for good, innocence and beauty.

Read: Black and White Symbolism: Discussion and Alternatives

Non-European Fairy tales - Tips to keep in Mind:

Some stories and creatures belong to a belief system and is not just myth to alter. Before writing or changing details, read and seek the opinions of the group. You might change the whole meaning of something by tweaking details you didn’t realize were sacred and relevant.

Combine Tales Wisely:

Picking stories and beings from different cultural groups and placing them in one setting can come across as them belonging to the same group or place (Ex: A Japanese fairy tale with Chinese elements). This misrepresents and erases true origins. If you mix creatures or elements from tales, show how they all play together and try to include their origin, so it isn’t as if the elements were combined at random or without careful selection.

Balance is key:

When including creatures of myths, take care to balance your Human of Color vs. creatures ratio, as well as the nature of them both (good, evil, gray moral). EX: Creatures from Native American groups but no human Native characters from that same group (or all evil, gray, or too underdeveloped to know) is poor representation.

Moral Alignment:

Changing a good or neutral cultural creature into something evil may be considered disrespectful and misappropriation.

Have Fun!

No, seriously. Fairy tales, even those with the most somber of meanings, are meant to be intriguing little adventures. Don’t forget that as you write or get hung up on getting the “right message” out and so on. That’s what editing is for.

--Colette

#writing advice #representation #history #people of color #writing #fairy tales #fantasy creatures #supernatural beings #guides #long post #slavery #slavery mention tw #culture #images #asks

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rifroleplays · 3 years

Note

Hello, dear! You've been visited by the random character question fairy! :D ~☆

Does your character's name have any meaning? Is there a reason why they were named this? How much significance does your character's name have to them?

Hello there random-OC-questions-fairy, how lovely of you to drop by! I think the concept of your blog is super sweet and I’m excited to see you around! :D

I kinda have too many characters and since you didn’t specify what character I will take this opportunity to just introduce a bunch of characters!

As a disclaimer: all of my characters’ names have a meaning and they were carefully selected, but I can’t recall a lot of them due to time past and some were chosen with a little less care than others. So, here a list of those that 1) I do remember and 2) are interesting enough to share, categorised in their character main trait!

Grumpy

Zao Gao

Zao Gao is an orphan born in a time of war that doesn't have an actual name. He was named 'Gao' for the place he grew up in, along with the rest of his orphaned peers. 'Zao' was given to him because 'Zao' means bad and Zao Gao together sounds like: 'chaos' or 'temper' which he is both. In any case, the name is given to him more as an indicator of his character than anything else and he stuck with it.

Maxwell Stirling [Argus]

While his given name was arbitrarily given his stage name was carefully selected. After his first failure as the frontman of his band and the scandal that eventually had him fall down Maxwell chose 'Argus' as his name of rebirth. It refers to a giant with hundred eyes; the all-seeing one. Maxwell (or Argus as he prefers now) will never let himself fall down the pededistal again, not by himself or by his closest friends. That's the promise he made when he chose his new stage name.

Mallory Devlin

Mallory is born with bad luck and her name represents such as well. She always manages to get hurt, or her explosive character gets herself or another hurt. In any case, both her first and family name refer to this legendary ill luck and bad omens surrounding her. Whether this was intentional from her mother's side or not is something Mallory hasn't figured out yet, but that it is cursed is agreed upon by all.

Mischievous

Wayland Turing

As an engineer stuck and condemned in the penial colony of Atlantis Wayland made the swift decision to change his name when he arrived. Turing, after the genius mathematician Alan Turing. He feels a certain kinship with the man as he hides away his intelligence and talents under a façade of wild child antics.

Gui

Literally translated his name becomes 'Stranger' and it reveals how it isn't really a name. The guardian of the spiritual borders between life and death and reincarnation has long forgotten his name, or he rather not recalls as it is easier to pretend that he is a stranger to all.

Thomas Baris

Her parents wanted a son, after five daughters that's after all a good aim to have. Some variety. Instead they got Thomas, daughter number six. Seeing as her grandfathers really wanted to pass on their family name, and seeing as no one had actually thought of yet another girl's name the youngest Baris was named: Thomas, or more accurately: Tomasa. Luckily Tomasa, or Thomas, grew up rather wild earning her the position as 'the only son that isn't'.

Jane Plane

Jane died, she was murdered. By whom, she has no idea, but she does know that she was very plain as a human. Unnoticed and ignored, Jane decided that she will never again be that human again, except now she is a wandering ghost terrorising a particular kid that happens to be able to see ghosts.

(put straightforwardly: Jane's name is a pun on 'Plain Jane'.)

Anya Nosferatu

What her name was before 'father' took her in Anya rather not says, or she doesn't remember. Anya was the name 'father' gave her because she needed something to fill in the space before she would become 'Nosferatu'. A name picked from a list of names at random and one Anya grew rather more attached to than she should. As such the meaning of her name is rather more sentimental rather than truly meaningful.

Nosferatu is the name she was to adopt. The name representing the librarians of the vampire society. The one meant to record their history and their tales, but never involve themselves.

Cocky

Eremurus

The eremurus, also known as cattail or foxtail lilies, is a plant that symbolises endurance. Eremurus, born Gabriel Engelbert (angelic names befitting his angelic appearance) chose this symbolical stage name when he came of age in the House of the Fallen Star. To represent the hardships he had to endure, to remind him of the sacrifices he has made, and the decisions the adults made for him when he was a child and he had to endure.

Anxious

Emrys Jernigan

Emrys was another name for Merlin, the mythical figure that stood next to the King that would be: Arthur. Emrys has no Arthur in his life, or so he believes, but he does possess magic, like Merlin. It is a constant joke and a promise of greatness that the warlock doesn't believe in.

Ophanim Hayyoth

Both Ophanim’s given and surname are derived from Jewish mythology and refer to a class of heavenly beings also known as: angels. Ophanim are the wheels, the many-eyed chariot that move beneath the throne of God. Hayyoth is the name of their heavenly class. It stands to reason that with all these angelic references Ophanim also has an angel theme ongoing, what with him being an avian creature with wings.

Bubbly

Ondine Fear

Ondine's curse is a sleeping curse from the myth that takes away the breath of a beloved wife. No one would have thought that this name would be so foreboding with the birth of her younger sister. The surname Fear means 'human' and not necessarily the emotion, though it is ironic how it is exactly the emotion 'fear' her family sees when they see Ondine and that she isn't part of 'man' as her name suggests her to be. Ondine is a changeling who got swapped in the cradle with the actual human girl that was meant to be 'Ondine'.

Romantic/Flirty

Eirian Keegan [Ambrosia]

When Eirian grew up she had vowed herself to be desired. Now that she is grown Eirian chooses Ambrosia as her monicker to show the world that she has succeeded. God's fruit, the irresistible food of Olympus few can survive. It is the promise of a femme fatale who is unafraid to use all of her assets to reach her goals.

Hardworking/Caring

Shinju Maeda

Literally translated her name means 'pearl' looking deeper into it her name also sounds like 'truth' and can be interpreted as such looking at the kanji. A seemingly simplistic name holding layers of wishes and hopes from her parents. Shinju is fortunate to honour her name indeed as it was given to her.

Leto Sheridan

Lethe is the name of the river of forgetfulness in the underworld according to Greek mythology, one drop of the river is said to be enough to forget all sorrows of life. Leto is named after that river and not after the deity that gave birth to Apollo and Artemis as popularly believed. Her parents' gave her the name with the hope that the female would grow up without sorrow, or not having to know it. Unfortunately life took a turn.

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dear-wormwoods · 5 years

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Just saw a post of someone saying that they spent the whole book wishing that Richie would die because he's racist and just an asshole, and like he has no reason to survive because he has nothing to overcome. And I get that the book has a LOT of problems and Richie's racism is one of them, but they basically said that if you like book Richie then you're a bad person. And I dunno, is it alright to like book Richie? I don't like that he's racist obviously but I'm conflicted now, what do you think?

Imagine wishing death on an eleven year old child for parroting back jokes and stereotypes that were common in the 1950’s...

The thing with Richie is that there is no ill intent behind his impressions and jokes. He’s literally just a dumb kid living in one of the whitest states in the country, with no connection to the outside world aside from the comedians he sees on TV and the movies he sees in the theater. He repeats things he hears. And, spoiler alert, a lot of comedians over time have had racist bits! Kids don’t inherently understand the implications of what they say and they don’t know what is or isn’t right until someone explains it to them. No one in Richie’s life, until Mike came along, was going to sit him down and tell him that he was being offensive. Because no one cared. Because it was rural Maine in the 1950’s.

Some people like to pretend all the Losers were super progressive and offended by Richie but that’s just not true. Ben and Bev didn’t beep him because they were offended, they beeped him because he was being too loud or obnoxious, and they beeped him while still giggling. Stan literally encouraged Richie’s jokes about Jewish people by making his own. How could this 11 year old boy know he was being a dick if his Jewish friend was laughing and playing along? Eddie was the one to point it out, and you know what? Richie stopped, and instead talked about how Catholics are historically way worse than anything he could say about Jewish people. And, it’s also important that Mike schooled Richie sometimes, but the only reason he bothered to was because he understood that Richie’s impressions and misconceptions came from a place of ignorance, not hatred. With other characters, Mike actively did not bother. SK was literally making a statement that racism doesn’t always have to be hateful or violent - sometimes it’s otherwise good people being ignorant. People whose racism stems from ignorance won’t change if they never learn they’re wrong.

But Richie did learn it was wrong, when he grew up. Richie left Maine and attended college during the height of the Civil Rights Movement and the Vietnam War. He was exposed to reality at that point, and I imagine he got put in his place very quickly. Then, he built his career in a much more liberal state, with a much more diverse demographic, than Maine. Through his education and his exposure as an entertainer, he learned a thing or two about what the real world was like during the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s. And by the time he goes back to Maine, yeah, some of his jokes are still really off-color, but in comparison to what he was like as a kid? Vast improvement. And he’s embarrassed and confused when Derry’s regression magic triggers his more offensive voices. Because people change!!

People who make posts like the one you saw first of all don’t understand the concept of nuance and layers, or like, growth, and they also have no frame of reference for what was acceptable comedy fifty years ago, or even ten years ago. Sometimes people - a lot of people! - are well meaning but completely ignorant. Richie is a lot like Michael Scott, whose heart was always in the right place, but whose entire comedic makeup was based on ignorance and imitating other comedians, and he had to learn what wasn’t okay, and it didn’t happen overnight. It’s unrealistic to expect every protagonist ever created to be perfect in every way, because that doesn’t reflect what real people are like. And it’s dumb to ‘cancel’ every character who is flawed or makes mistakes or, god forbid, is a reflection of the time period and location in which they grew up.

So, yes, it’s alright to like book Richie. He is not a bad person. He is, in fact, a very good person who also has moments of ignorance. And he’s a reflection of his time. Would his racist Voices fly in a modern update? Of course not. But he also wouldn’t do those particular Voices today. Because times change, expectations change, and the comedians on TV also change. So he’d use those new comedians as a reference, do something else that pushed boundaries, imitate other routines. Because his schtick isn’t born from hatred, it’s based on the things he sees that get laughs from audiences. As public opinion changes, so would Richie’s act. Because he wants to be liked. So badly. He just wants attention and laughs. As a kid, he’s not thinking about it any deeper than that, he’s not thinking about what he’s actually saying or the ideas he’s perpetuating, and that’s part of the problem and why he needed to learn - and he did learn!

Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty or bad for liking flawed characters. Interesting characters have flaws. It’s not your problem if some random person on Tumblr doesn’t like Richie. You liking him isn’t the same as condoning every single thing he’s ever said!! Some people just don’t get that, and that’s also not your problem!

#asks #stephen king's it #it novel #richie tozier #tozier tea #my meta #meta #it meta

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kxhlzn · 5 years

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[ii.] the birdwatcher & his lover.

➳ synopsis: it's the summer of '89, and you discover new things about yourself— some good, and some you wish you could swallow and never see again. dealing with the newfound confusion of sexuality, you must learn the ins and outs of friendship and what it means to grow up.

➳ genre: coming-of-age drama, crack, violence, fluff.

➳ characters/pairing(s): eventual stanley uris/reader, unrequited!bev x reader, eventual bev/ben, eventual richie/eddie.

➳ wordcount: 5.6k of trash.

➳ song rec: don't really have any for this one. prolly why it's so bad lmao. um maybe the kenzie smith piano cover of "unjust life".

➳ warnings: profanity, henry bowers, fights, blood, flashbacks (slight chapter 2 spoilers), sexual jokes, underage smoking.

➳ author's note: this became more and more crack at the beginning and i couldn't stop it. sorry for using the phrase "sitting on his face", i saw an opportunity and took it. also didn't like this one as much tbh. not as much bev/reader as the last. this isn't edited god save me

July, 1989.

"she's fucking insane!"

how right richie tozier was, staring in utter horror as you march your way straight toward the older boy who has tortured your friends for far too long. one of his greasy hands grips the short hairs on beverly's head, forcing her neck to recline against the bricks of the library— and in turn, your patience.

"someone's gotta stop her," eddie replies, his brows curved inward in concern. he'd be more vocal, if it wasn't for the fear of henry bowers that limited him.

stanley and bill bike their way down the uncrowded street, scanning the nearby area in search of ben, who requested they all meet him at the library for something he called fascinating. bill nearly crashes into stanley's bike when he spots you stomping your way up to bowers. he does, however, slam into the curb when you capture a handful of henry's mullet and slam your free hand up his nose until he cries out.

bill takes a rough tumble, but eddie and richie don't notice. eddie's palms are covering his eyes, and he tells richie to "let him know when it's over". stanley, on the other hand, is whipping his head between yourself and bill as he rapidly decides to minimize collateral damage from the two accidents: bill's bleeding forehead and scrapes, or the death bell slamming into his brain like a literal gong every time he hears a grunt come from bowers as he's reeling from your assault.

sorry, bill; you should have learned how to ride your bike properly. stanley slips off the seat of his transportation, for once not even bothering to stand it up properly before it is left bare, tipping over onto the curb. he's shaking from head to toe, and his footsteps are wobbly. each meter he's closer to bowers, the more he considers bolting and telling his father to never answer your calls. alas, he can't help but feel an obligation; you've saved him from more scraps with the blonde delinquent than he can count, and you always ended up with more bruises than he did— and you would clean his cuts first.

august 23rd of your 8th grade year, henry bowers takes it into his hands to destroy the lives of each and every child of derry. he's a sophomore at the high school, but that never stops him from picking on you. his first victim is stanley uris, one of your best friends of a year, as he shoves him down, forcing the boy to take a rough tumble.

eddie's prepubescent screeching exemplifies within every second that henry attacks, and by a couple minutes in, it's entirely indecipherable. henry's goon, patrick, crouches beside stanley's curly head, and retrieves his jewish kippah, examining it as though he actually cared what it was. his slimy grin makes your skin crawl.

"nice frisbee, flamer," patrick runs his calloused thumb over the fabric, waves the cap in front of stan's face, and tightens his grip as he stands. stan grasps helplessly for the cap, and you push through bowers (as he's holding richie's glasses above his head), and just barely catch the kippah before it soars into a passing bus's cracked window.

after your fingers are wrapped firmly around the rim, you slam your free hand right up patrick's nose, causing the greasy boy to take a few shaky steps backward. he grips the center of his face, blood slipping from his nostrils, and he growls.

he cries something pathetic and retreats behind henry, who licks his palm, and runs it down bill's cheek leisurely. eddie cringes at the sight. "this summer's gonna be a hurt train for you and your faggot friends."

"as much of a hurt train it'll be for you when you get home to daddy?" you mock with venom, and your stomach swirls in anticipation. you had been entirely aware of what mr. bowers did to his son, and you would have felt sympathetic if he wasn't such a fucking dick. you partially wish you could shove your words down into your shivering guts, and prevent the consequences of your spillage. bill's arms immediately grip around your waist, his bony shoulder turning to hide your torso. his own body trembles, but he doesn't want bowers to see the fear behind his stubborn irises.

henry was shaken at your words, entirely speechless— out of fear or anger, you weren't sure. probably a mix of both. he seems to not even realize what he's doing, but his arm is raised, and he backhands you right out of bill's shaking arms. you land straight on your ass and your ears ring; henry and his gang take a run for it, and slip into belch's car like the slimy no-good rats they are. your head is dizzy from the impact, and the losers crowd around you. four chaotic voices swarm you, and you wave them all away so they don't worry.

but you still grip stanley's kippah like your life depends on it.

the owner of the jewish cap collapses next to you, and he isn't swift to ask for it back or demand it. in fact, it's a thought pushed to the back of his mind when he sees how swollen your cheek gets, and how a trickle of blood is growing in the corner of your mouth. he is entirely aware that patrick is now determined to destroy you, or worse. he is entirely aware of what that means for you, and he knows that you know too. he knows that you know and you still caught the kippah for him regardless, and he feels his heart enlarge, growing pregnant with sadness and appreciation.

all of these voices slamming into your skull, mostly eddie's high pitched squealing, and all you can hear for a moment is stan's quiet 'thank you'.

you nod curtly, and gently push his shoulder with your fist, a lopsided grin on your bruised mouth. "ah, it's nothing, kid."

you wiggle your fingers at eddie, a sure sign that you want him to help you stand. hesitantly, the lithe boy grabs your forearm and pulls you up. you extend the favor to stanley, and yank him to his feet too.

"is everyone okay?" you chirp positively, reaching your hands above stan's head, plopping his kippah onto his mass of curls. his tall form retracts a bit, bending slightly so you didn't have to exhaust yourself. once you were content with the cap's position, you stood in a confident position, fingers wrapped around your hips.

stan removes the kippah and stuffs it into his bag, which he keeps slung around his shoulder. he eyes the losers curiously as they gape at your enthusiasm, but he's the only one that really catches your attention. he mouths a brief, "are you really okay?" and you smile at the ground.

you mouth back, "we'll talk later".

"is that.. are you seriously asking us if we're okay right now, 'cause last i checked..." eddie's words are drowned out.

stanley uris almost squeals when bowers's posture returns, and he's stalking toward your shorter self like he's going to slack his jaw and swallow you whole in one, frankly, sloppy bite. stan rushes in front of you seconds before henry takes an uncalibrated swing, and it knocks stanley straight across the cheek, and you scream. henry takes a handful of your hair and yanks you upward, lifting you off the ground slightly, but he's weak enough that the tips of your shoes graze the grass. the entire time, eddie is screaming, (or speaking really high-pitched, but you couldn't be sure, as you were getting your brains pummeled out), and richie takes a not-so-manly roar and rushes towards the bully. you'd be proud of him if you hadn't noticed his eyes were squeezed tightly shut, and his legs like jelly the entire dash over.

he pushes henry to the ground by wrapping his arms around his torso and taking himself down too. "you motherfucking slime-fucker, i'm gonna kill you, or someth—"

crunch. your first thought is henry "greaseball" bowers fucking ate richie tozier, and even after your brain rationalized the events after, you still thought that was an entirely plausible prediction. except, you think his screech would have been a little more muffled, and less annoying because you would have felt sympathy for him, for you know, being fucking inhaled like one of bev's cigarettes. both fortunately and unfortunately, it was just his glasses— and you were relieved briefly until it came to your attention that they were no longer sitting on his freckled face, which meant one thing: the poor kid couldn't see shit.

you witness beverly dig her knee right into henry's set of jewels, right before you feel a soft but firm hand on your shoulder, and you're pulled up by a flash of red — bill's gushing forehead — and shoved away from the conflict. suddenly, he's bursting towards richie, and he practically throws him out of the way as he snatches up his glasses and bolts towards the row of bikes laid out. beverly is already waiting for him, holding up the bike so he can grasp it and hop on. eddie takes his cue to get on his own, and you almost run towards stanley but bill grabs you and shakes his head.

"oh, fuck off, denbrough, this isn't a sad movie or whatever!" you break his grip and reach out as far as you can until you catch a handful of stanley's button up. fabric, or a button, tears, but you manage to get him far away from bowers enough to pull him onto the back of his own bike. before he can even adjust himself, you're pedaling rapidly after the others, with stanley's arms wrapped around your torso.

that is not how he imagined the bike moment to go: you know the one, where the girl is wrapped around the guy's chest, leaning her head softly against his shoulder blade, staring off into the sky as they pedal away from the cliche villain? yeah, no. stanley is practically squeezing your organs into your throat, panting in your ear, and not-so-gracefully swerving the bike's balance. you wiggle until he gets the gist that you want to survive the ride, and pedal as fast as your legs can; then when you've gained enough leverage against the others, you stand on the pedals, and stanley's arms slide down to your thighs.

he tries not to stare at the apple in front of his face, so he glances up, and is washed with the image of your face battered and bloodied, but you've got the biggest smile on your lips like you've just climbed mount everest— like saving him was just that exhilarating. but then you try to sit back down, and his arms around your thighs send the bike into a swirl, and you're pretty much sitting on his face until he releases your legs. as if things couldn't get more awkward.

"sorry," stanley mutters, mostly to ease his own embarrassment that's traveled to his cheeks and chest. you both look over at bill and bev, and scowl. they are literally the epitome of the "perfect couple" bike ride, and the two of you feel like barfing.

your reason much different than stan's.

"how are we going to warn ben?" you yell to the entire group.

"kid's a dead man!" richie shouts in reply.

bev jumps in. "we can't just leave him!"

"do you wanna go back?" richie inquires, raising a brow.

her silence is met with you taking a violent u-turn towards the library, and stan wants to cry. you tell the others to get to mike before he shows up unaware of the situation, while you curve around to the back of the building and park the bike by the steps.

"this'll lead us to the basement," stan states while he climbs off.

"i know," you quip.

"what if we get caught? this is a stupid idea," stan says, crossing his arms as you walk up the steps. you shrug.

"so?"

"and? we get caught. what are they gonna do, take away our library cards?"

turns out they can do a lot more than just take away your library cards, but they let you both slide when they saw the bruises littering you and stan's faces— you were definitely a sight: two fifteen-year-olds caught in the basement of the library, covered in purple and red marks with innocent gleams on your lips as you try to sweet-talk the librarian into not telling your parents that you were discovered unraveled in the dark together. god, the look on the rabbi's face if he had heard that— it leaves you smirking the whole ride away from the building— through the back entrance, of course.

ben says he got lucky that you were there to warn him, 'cause he was going to come out and look for you all a couple minutes after the others departed. that gives you some relief, knowing that it was the right choice to go back. poor kid woulda been bloodied without anyone there to help him.

once you all meet in the alley outside the pharmacy, (with bev's help in distracting mr. keene, again), you mutually agree to patch each other up at the clubhouse, the only safe place for the losers' club anymore. it makes you a bit sad to think that, but nevertheless true. it's a bit worse that you guys are so terrified to leave your bikes near it, that you take a twenty-minute hike to the secret location once you've secured the transportation far away from its sacred grounds.

eddie scowls at the sight of the door in the ground, covered in weeds and unidentified muck, but he chooses not to say anything. everyone is worn out and drained, and he's just happy everyone survived it. his scowl melts into a deep frown as he goes over the events in his head— he was scared, and he hadn't helped a single one of them; he watched as bev was slammed against the library wall, he watched as stanley was decked by bowers, and he watched as each and every one of them defended each other. god, he was such a fucking coward— could he do anything right?

richie senses the weight on the smaller boy's thoughts, so he tentatively puts his hand on his shoulder. is this too much? he doesn't want to make eddie think he likes him, or anything. eddie simply sighs in response, but in his heart, he feels calmer, like maybe they do want him, even if he's a wuss.

ben crouches down to clear the entry to the clubhouse, while richie starts up a conversation about how he totally whipped henry to pieces, and how his sorry ass is gonna come crawling to richie for forgiveness. ben shakes his head with a soft smile, and richie pokes him with his foot.

"hey, you think it's funny, ben? you were stuffing your nose in a book being the biggest fucking nerd in the whole goddamn world! you just watch, bennie; crawling, i tell ya'. crawling," richie says, bending over enough to get an eyeful of ben's snicker.

"yeah, sure, rich," beverly laughs; she pulls a pack of cigarettes from her blouse, and fishes out a lighter. you can't help but stare when she places a cigarette in between her pink lips, and concentrates as she sets the tip aflame— it takes eddie's voice calling your name to draw you from her form.

"hey! take your inhaler!" he chucks it at you.

you catch it just in time and mutter to yourself about how ridiculous he's being. you roll your eyes as you release a breath of air, and place the inhaler between your lips. you push down on the bottle of medicine as you take a deep inhale, letting the contents push down your throat and into your lungs. you have to hold the air for a couple seconds and swallow.

eddie speaks after he takes a puff from his own. "getting scared like that and beverly smoking a cigarette is a death trap for us."

you blink at him, cigarette in your mouth. you inhale, release, and shrug, handing it back to beverly. "you were saying?"

eddie's face contorts to one of a miniature aneurysm, words falling short. he resorts to rolling his eyes and glaring at the dirt.

ben finally heaves open the hatchet and sighs contently. eddie slips in first, with his newly stolen med kit under his arm. ben enters next, and so on.

the clubhouse is rustic, with its oak poles and shelves of miscellaneous items, like puzzles, card games, med supplies, and non-perishable snacks. mike lights a lamp in the corner of the structure while ben pulls the hatch down to close it, and you take a look around, as though you hadn't been done here a hundred times before.

from right where the ladder drops, is a long step that extends from wall to wall, with a plush cushion positioned right next to the entrance. there's a pile of journals and books next to it, with a metal cup of pens on top of the first one. leaned up behind the ladder is a rather large one, a bit bulky and thick with all the pictures of bird species within its pages. (there's an even larger photo album seated on the biggest bookshelf in the clubhouse, shoved in the far back on a ledge where mike and ben hang out). that cushion is where stanley likes to sit, as one might infer. he doesn't like to fold his legs, so the step is nice for him to plant his feet as he sits stiffly on the, frankly, uncomfortable pillow. it explains the sour expression on his face when he spends hours sitting there, and the way he squirms the entire time like there's a nail protruding out of the cushion and into his ass. you wouldn't be that surprised, though, as he would be too unbothered or unmotivated to remove it.

on the far right of the entire clubhouse, not far from the ladder, there is a structure similar to a bay window that ben built for you after hearing you mention you'd always wanted one in your bedroom. he was eager to please everyone with the building (even though you frankly wished he hadn't put so much strain on himself by making it), so it was an easy decision to include it. of course, there really isn't a window, so it's more of a short stage covered in a colorful variety of plush pillows and blankets. he included a built-in shelf for your sketchbooks, journals, novels, and art supplies as well as enough space to include miscellaneous items that you like to decorate with. the space is a bit long, too— not long enough to be a bed, but not short enough to be a couch, either. ben, being the angel he is, included curtains you could pull pack around the section, as you often slept back there, too.

a storage section is tucked away behind a beam separating it with stan's small seat, and that's where the majority of your games and such are located. it has a wooden wall built on its left side, connecting to the open space set out for mike and bill's favorite place, which is more like a stage than your own. three extended steps stretching from the storage room to the far wall on the other side lead up to it, with a flat surface at the top of the third one. that's where you guys keep your larger things, like lawn chairs, toolboxes, and extra wood planks in case ben feels a bit creative. in the corner, though, there's a sandbox that ben enjoys building structures in (much to stan and eddie's dismay, as they both end up being the ones to clean up after him, even when the poor boy is apologizing profusely for making a mess). bill and mike prefer to have deep, intellectual conversations that are a bit too advanced for the likes of richie, and are just a bit boring for the rest of you. you like to have them too, but sometimes they become repetitive, or perhaps you just aren't in the mood to be a part of them, so the two boys retreat to the stage in the back.

eddie and richie constantly argue over the hammock that hangs comfortably in the center of the clubhouse, which is essentially a cheap old sheet tied securely to a couple beams that were set up for the sake of the structure of the hideout. they always end up a tangled mess in the middle, their heads on opposite ends. eddie likes to complain about richie's presence in the hammock majority of the time (if he's not kicking it back with you in your bay window), but he always seems the most at ease when richie is in it with him. he probably doesn't realize it, but he whines he's cold when the taller boy is absent, or hidden somewhere else amongst you.

ben and bev, arguably the easiest to please out of all of the losers, prefer to keep their hangout simple by placing a couple cheap cushions on the floor by the hammock, close enough reach so bev can pass a cigarette between herself and richie. she likes to lean her head against a beam behind her favorite location and drop her elbow onto a box of comic books that you and eddie share. as bev and richie share a smoke, you and eddie toss your inhalers back and forth between yourselves (it took you a while to convince him to do it, but he eventually decided you aren't as germy as the rest of them).

simply put, the clubhouse was home.

today, however, you decide to be a little mischevious, throwing yourself onto the hammock, with richie and eddie's eyes bulging out of their heads. you cock your chin at them, splaying your arms out to graze the dirt floor beneath you, "something wrong, boys?"

"yeah, that's my fucking hammock," richie scolds, crossing his arms while eddie places a small hand on his own hip.

stan doesn't take a seat, slipping his shoes off, while the others migrate to their most common places. "you guys get it every time. what's wrong with her taking a turn?"

you point your thumb behind you at him, nodding in tune. "see? stan the man knows what's up."

stan smirks, and just as he's preparing to plop down onto his beloved cushion, you swing the hammock close enough so you can capture a handful of his striped shirt. he stumbles into your lap, and quickly adjusts himself to save you both the embarrassment. his entirely too long limbs are lanky and take up nearly the entire sheet; you let your toes wiggle underneath his hips.

"i regret this," you mutter, stan's shoeless (thankfully with socks) foot placed next to your head. he apologizes, and swings one over the edge of the hammock, while sliding the other between your arm and your torso.

"is that better?" stan inquires, watching with amusement as eddie and richie groan and throw themselves onto your bay window. with all that space, you'd think they'd spread out, but no,— they're legs are just as tangled as usual.

"yeah," you say, "so, uh. eds, you gonna patch us up or are we gonna bleed all over our favorite shit?"

you hear an awkward crash behind you, and you pray it isn't your collection of display items on your shelf. there's a tumble, and then the patter of feet followed by an "oh, fuck, yeah". the medkit clatters quietly, while eddie digs through it to retrieve some alcohol and cotton swabs.

bill is the first, provided his injuries root from his inability to keep his eyes on the road. he doesn't talk much through it, rather sits there too calm.

"what happened?" you question and stanley shakes the hammock as he reaches over to his pile of books, and captures one in his hand. his foot digs slightly into your side, and you curse under your breath as you try to peer past his curly head.

stanley smirks slightly. "he saw you punch bowers, and crashed."

"too bad it wasn't 'cause he saw the color of your panties..." richie groans, "'cause then i'd have something to take my mind off my aching face."

your stomach curls in both disgust and amusement, rolling your eyes. "they're just blue, today, my friend."

you turn your head just enough to get an eyeful of richie pumping his fist in excitement. you scoff and throw an empty plastic bottle at him, one you found underneath the hammock.

bill hisses from his position on the floor beside eddie and ben. eddie's legs are tucked under his lap, his tongue peeking out to wet his lips in concentration; ben merely glances everywhere but the cloth on bill's forehead, face nearly a shade of green.

"stop moving!" eddie snaps, and bill mutters an apology, wringing his hands in his lap as he waits for eddie to finish up.

"on the positive side," you chirp, poking stanley with your toe, "henry might have a broken nose."

"i ain't fixing it," eddie says, a small smile evident on his lips. his eyes never waver from bill's cut, though.

"nah," you agree, reading the cover of stanley's book, "i wouldn't put my worst enemy through that."

eddie glares at the cut in response. he can't lose concentration, fortunately, but you're aware it was intended for you. "hey!"

richie snorts. "amen."

the sun disappears quickly behind the horizon, but you can barely tell from where you lay. an orange light passes through the doorway, illuminating ben's soft skin, his head in beverly's lap. he's asleep, much like bill, mike, eddie, and richie. beverly slowly drags on a cigarette, a small reflection of light gracing the freckles on her cheek. her eyes are glazed over, like she might fall asleep herself in the next couple minutes. stanley is contently flipping through his novel, the cover a tinge away from an oak brown. his brows are curled in, his entire body engaged in the pages. you tilt your head at him, curious as to what's enraptured him so entirely.

he doesn't notice, thumb tracing circles in the skin of your knee. his hand is warm, like your cheeks, but you don't notice it. seems to be a common occurrence between the two of you; not noticing things that are obvious.

beverly marsh, though, and that eagle eye of hers, notices. a smile appears on her lips, small and knowing. that's just how she is; small, and knowing.

stanley uris's eyes light briefly, and his lips pursue. he's surprised by something that has happened in the book. he seems to disconnect for a moment, glancing up at you. they drop back down and then rise to meet yours again. this time, he's captivated by you.

you take this moment as a chance to speak with him. "are you okay?"

"yeah."

"no," you press, leaning forward slightly to keep full attention of his eyes, "are you okay? i haven't had a chance to ask."

stanley licks his lips and taps your knee in thought. finally, he clears his throat. "um, yeah. just had a lot on my mind, is, uh, all."

"your pops?" you inquire, reaching behind yourself to get ahold of a box of graham crackers. you tear open the box and package, capturing a cracker and snapping it in half. you offer one of the halves to stan.

he takes it, and nods in thanks. "i mean, i guess. he's always nagging me, ever since my bar mitzvah speech."

you think back to that dreadful event.

"what the fuck do we do?" richie asks, legs crossed as he flails his arms. you pitch him a glare from across stanley, whose legs are tucked beneath him, his face in his shaking hands. his shoulders shake too, and he's vulnerable.

it's like watching a bird caught in a wire.

he's muttering barely coherent words, along the lines of "i can't do this", and "i'm gonna fuck this whole thing over". you grip his shoulders, and position yourself in front of his kneeling body. you give him a gentle squeeze, and he looks up just enough to meet your firm eyes.

"you, stanley uris, are the biggest loser i know, and i mean that in the kindest way. you will tackle this shit. if you choose to go the formal route, i support you. you lie to them as much as you want. if you want to tell them to shove it, i support you," you spill out, and before long, you're not sure what you're trying to imply anymore. "i... we are here, no matter the circumstances. if you want to light this whole place up, so be it. i'll be the fire."

stanley's eyes are bright, and his lip quivers. he doesn't know what to say or do. but he trusts you, and somehow that's enough.

stanley stands on that stage, and he recites every hebrew word he is expected to. it seems to drone on forever, and you can tell, even from your seat, that he is just as bored as you and richie are. his hands are trembling with each page flip, and somehow towards the end, you hear the subtle rip of one. stan chokes up but continues.

by the end, his father is (poorly) trying to hide his fury, and you resist every urge to stand and yell, "he's doing his best! shut up and accept that, you condescending prick!"

stan is silent once he finishes. he takes a minute to turn and face the crowd, but his expression is harder than what you expected when he does. "reflecting on the meaning of what i just read, the word "leshanot" comes up a lot, which means, um, 'to change, to transform'. which makes sense, i guess, because today i'm supposed to become a man."

his hands curl the microphone wire and uncurl it. a nervous tick. "it's funny, though. everyone, i think, has some memories they're prouder of than others, right? and maybe that's why change is so scary. 'cause the things we wish we could leave behind... the whispers we wish we could silence... the nightmares we most want to wake up from, the memories we wish we could change… the secrets we feel like we have to keep, are the hardest to walk away from."

his dark eyes pass over the room, examining the distasteful expressions of each jewish man, woman, and child in the synagogue. when they land on you, he feels a surge of strength, his soul hardening towards the judgmental others. all he sees is you.

"the good stuff? the pictures in our minds that fade away the fastest? those pieces of you it feels the easiest to lose. maybe i don't wanna forget," his eyes don't waver. he pictures all of the memories he has with you and the losers; the quarry trips, the arcade, the photo booth. you have brought him so much happiness. "maybe, i-i-if that's what today is all about, forget it, right?"

his father, the rabbi, surges forward, with a quick, "thank you, stanley".

you curse in your head. let him finish!

stanley dodges him. "u-uh, today, i'm supposed to become a man, but i don't feel any different. there are things i need to experience, still, i think. i'm still just a kid. i'm not ready for the responsibility, for the harshness of adulthood. i want to stay as i am, with my people. i need to."

he stumbles out closer to your pew, avoiding his dad. your nod of encouragement forces him to face him, determination in his bones. he needs this. a final "fuck you".

"i know i'm a loser, and no matter what, i always fucking will be," you say, quoting him. stanley becomes bashful, shaking his head at you. you nudge him with your toe. "still my favorite moment from that. should be your senior quote. love that for you."

"might need to change the wording a bit," he replies, picking at his fingers.

"nah, a final 'fuck you', you know?"

"wouldn't that be a sight."

"you've always been a looker."

stanley laughs softly. the hammock shudders suddenly as you crawl over to his side, and lean your head against his chest. the subtle beating of his heart lulls you into silence, and he doesn't know what to do with his hands. he feels entirely too lanky now, like his limbs might just curl around you like a vine. thankfully though, you tangled your legs with his, and wrap your arms around his torso. his palms finally settle on your back.

"you're my best friend," you mutter against his chest, and he shudders.

"thanks," he chokes out awkwardly.

he can feel bev's eyes burning holes in his cheek, and he can't bring himself to look at her, and she knows it, too. his face burns now, in turn, so he suddenly takes the new cigarette from her, and drags it quickly. he hands it back to her just as fast.

"w—" she begins.

"—shut up," stanley snaps, noticing you've fallen asleep like the others. you're so peaceful.

best friend? he thinks, why do his lungs burn like they've caught fire? why does he feel like he doesn't know himself at all anymore?

why do you feel more distant than ever?

taglist:

@hannarudick @cedricisnotonfire @russian-romanova

#it #the losers club #stephen king #it 2017 #stan uris #stanley uris #stanley uris x reader #losers club x reader #beverly marsh x reader #it fanfiction #stanley uris imagine #beverly marsh imagine #kassie writes #BW

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