#with lots of planning and research going into it

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

Pairing : Yandere!Lee Minho x F!Reader TW : yandere themes ; basically a forced pregnancy ; late term pregnancy complications ; Minho is like, the worlds worst narcissist in this ; let me know if there's more ; Word Count : 6.9k A/N : The amount of research that I did for this one is crazy, but I also learned a lot so... building knowledge while writing fanfic is a plus! This request has been in my ask box for probably over a year and a half now, so... I hope that whoever requested it... I hope you enjoy! (Also, this was supposed to end WAY worse... But you all weren't ready to be sucker punched with sadness, so...) Request : Anonny : Pregnant with yandere leeknow/ yandere leeknow as dad Aaaangst

In The Beginning…

“Minho…” You called timidly from the bedroom, the way you called for him was about the same volume as when someone would talk regularly to a friend. When you spoke it was nothing more than a mouse-like whisper, always scared of what would happen if you raised your voice a little too much. Your doting boyfriend came into the bedroom, his hair tousled and wet from his shower, his eyes always seeming to carry a seductive look, dark and hungry for you at all times. “M-Minho…” You spoke his name again, this time more nervous now that he was standing in front of you. 

A chuckle built in his chest as he sauntered over to you, water wrinkled fingers that were warmer from the hot water he had been standing under, trailed across your cheek, one finger slipping under your chin to tilt your head up as he towered over you. “Mm? What do you need, darling? Are you hungry? Thirsty? I know that last night was quite… exerting for you…” He teased, and you felt your body heat up at the mention of the sinful activities you had taken part in the night before. 

“Uhm… n-no…” You stammered, blinking a few times as you seemed to lose your train of thought constantly when he was standing so close to you, looking at you as if you were a delicious meal that he couldn’t wait to get his hands on. “We… We didn’t use protection and… Usually you’d get me a… a plan B pill and… I just was wondering if you had gone and… and gotten it by now?” You were always so nervous around him, still not quite sure what made him tick. One second he was happy, or at least he seemed happy, and then the next he was going through an outburst that had you locking yourself in the bathroom until he came to the door apologizing and giving you the same spiel that he would never do it again. You hated when things got like that, you tried to avoid getting him to that point at all costs. 

“I decided you don’t need it anymore.” Minho spoke nonchalantly, as if he was the one who could make that decision for you. Your mouth opened to protest, and he stared at you, waiting for you to say something, anything that would give him a reason to lash out. It’s like he wanted a reason, he wanted to go off on you, like he enjoyed seeing you scared, enjoyed being the hypocritical hero when he comforted you after making you cry. “Think about how wonderful it would be, to have a part of me growing inside of you… you’d be mine, all mine. You’ll never leave me…” His hands moved down to your stomach, as if there was already something in there. “I’ll pick up tests in about 2 weeks, I want to be right here when you take them and read the results.”

The First Signs…

Sitting at the dining room table, the chicken still in your mouth after you had taken a bite, an awful sensation washed over you. A sort of sickness that you couldn’t fight back, and an urge to throw up that you couldn’t breathe your way through as you usually would. “Mm’scuse me…” You mumbled through the palm of your hand that was clasped over your mouth as you ran to the bathroom, slamming the door behind you, not even bothering to lock it as your body practically folded over the toilet. 

“Darling…” Minhos soft cooing from the other side of the door had goosebumps forming on your skin. When he cracked the door open, you could see a rather excited smile beginning to spread across his face. “Are you alright?” The juxtaposition of his expression and his words made your head reel. He looked too happy for someone who had just watched their girlfriend throw up all of their dinner. You nodded your head in response, making sure the contents of your stomach were cleared out before taking a few steps to the sink and washing your face and then rinsing your mouth out with water. “I thought you loved that chicken… Hmm, I wonder why it would make you sick all of a sudden…” 

He stepped into the bathroom fully now that you were done being ill, the nausea seeming to be completely gone now, as if it hadn’t been there at all. You knew exactly what he was insinuating, and while it might seem that way, you weren’t ready to accept that it could be what he was thinking, you didn’t want to accept it. “I think they just changed the frying oil or something…” You excused, dabbing at your lips with a bit of toilet paper before exiting the bathroom, Minho right in tow. You couldn’t be pregnant, that would make him all the possessive, all the more obsessive and overbearing. You wouldn’t be able to ever leave, not that you were able to do that now anyway, but it would be so much worse. You probably wouldn’t even be able to look at the windows without him lecturing you. No… pregnancy wasn’t an option for you. 

As you stood at the sink, getting a glass of water from the tap to wash out the taste, Minho stood behind you, his hands placed gently on your stomach. It was the softest he had ever touched you, but you knew that it wasn’t exactly for you, it was for the little demon spawn that he assumed was inside of you. “Does my baby not like the fried chicken? Hmm? Whatever you want, daddy will get it for you… As long as your mommy tells me.” How could he sound so sweet? It was gag inducing, how he pretended to be so caring when he was practically trying to hold you hostage using a potential child. 

The next days were the same, the sudden nausea not even having the common courtesy to creep up on you, instead, hitting you full force, barely allotting you enough time to run to the bathroom or the trash bin to vomit. It didn’t matter what you ate, each day at the same exact time, it was always the same. You could see the light in Minhos eyes growing brighter each time it happened, but you were in denial, and you quite liked being in that state. You didn’t want to accept that there was a very real, very high possibility that you were now carrying his spawn. “I must be coming down with something…” You mumbled, resting your head in the palm of your hand, suddenly feeling exhausted, as if you hadn’t slept in days. It was another sign, another symptom, you knew that, but you hoped that Minho would overlook it. 

“Well it has been 2 weeks, more than that actually, my darling.” The smile that he was was nothing short of sinister as he ran to the bathroom and returned with two boxes in his hands. You knew this time was coming, you had been dreading it, hoping that you would get your period at any moment now. It never came though, and you were terrified of what the tests would undoubtedly reveal once you took them. “I’m sure taking them would answer a lot of your questions… Here…” He slid the boxes across the table, but you refused to even look at them, instead staring out the window, trying your best to block out everything that he was saying. You didn’t want to be pregnant, not by him at least. How could you even be happy bringing a child into this type of lifestyle? “Darling…” He murmured the pet name softly, but rough hands suddenly gripped your chin, turning your attention to him fully. “Take the tests. Now.” 

You huffed loudly, pushing yourself away from the table and snatching the boxes up before rushing to the bathroom. You knew well enough that if you didn’t get there in time and lock the door, he’d probably try to come in and watch you take them just to make sure you weren’t fabricating the results. It would have been a good idea, but you knew he’d notice. There was no way you could just run the test under the sink water and pretend they were negative. It’s not like he’d let you go if they were anyway, he’d just keep trying and trying… and once you started showing… He’d probably be more pissed off that you lied to him. 

“You’re taking quite a while in there… Do you need help?” The question was genuine, but you glared at the door, knowing that he wouldn’t see it. It was the only time you could make those kinds of faces at him without being reprimanded for it. The tests laid on the back of the toilet seat, and much to your dismay, the second line showed up faster and darker than you ever expected it to. “Fuck!” You thought to yourself as you unlocked the bathroom door and flung it open, slipping past him as he rushed in. He was too preoccupied with being excited over the tests to focus on you, at least for right now. All you wanted to do was sleep and hopefully wake up from the nightmare that you had been living in for the last 3 years. 

The First Trimester… 

There was no bond forming. For the most part, you tried to forget that you were pregnant at all. It was easier during this stage. Other than the nausea and the exhaustion and the slight pulling and pinching sensations you’d feel in your lower back and upper thighs, all things that you could write off as any other reason, you didn’t feel pregnant. You were still in denial, you didn’t want this. Minho wanted this, and he was the only one happy about it. This was the happiest you had seen him though, he was absolutely elated, but he was also overly protective, which was becoming a real pain in the ass. 

“I can get dressed on my own.” You muttered as he sat on the edge of the bed, reaching out to help you pull down your shirt after you had just put it on. “I really don’t like the hovering, it’s making me uncomfortable.” Were you allowed to be honest with him now? Would he excuse it as your hormones going crazy because of the baby? He wouldn’t yell at you, right? Not when you were in such a fragile state. He reached out further, grabbing your wrists, rather tightly, and pulled you towards him. Of course, he wouldn’t dare try to be so rough anywhere around your stomach, but everywhere else was still fair game. 

“You’re carrying my child, and as long as you are, I can hover as much as I like.” He hissed, and even though you didn’t like his tone, you were grateful that he wasn’t yelling. “I know you don’t want it. You’d probably be overjoyed if you miscarried. I won’t allow that to happen though, so just be good for me, let me help.” His expression immediately shifted, his head tilting to the side as the most innocent looking smile had his teeth flashing up at you. It was like whiplash, it made your head hurt. “So what would my babies like to eat today, hmm? Are you craving anything in particular?” He cooed, although his attention was still primarily focused on your stomach. 

Any other woman would want a man like him, a man that treated them this way and got this excited to find out they were pregnant. Any other woman could have him and all of his psychopathic tendencies. “I’m craving a nap.” You snapped, and you watched his nostrils flare out at your disobedient tone, but he didn’t say anything, instead getting off the bed and yanking the covers back for you, waiting for you to climb onto the mattress before carelessly throwing them back over your body. “Thank you.” You mumbled, rolling over onto your side so that your back was to him, tucking the covers around your chin and squeezing your eyes shut. It wasn’t just the raging hormones that tired you out, it was Minho too, him more than anything honestly. Living with him, well, no, not living, being stuck with him, was the most exhausting thing ever. 

“I’ll wake you up for your vitamins and for lunch.” He said sternly, more like a strict caregiver than the father of your unborn child. You hated him. You hated that he did this to you, that he chose you to be the object of all of his desires. Why did he choose you? He still hadn’t told you why, he just insisted that you were the one that he wanted. Now you were carrying his child, and you feared that you’d truly be stuck with him forever. What did you do to deserve that? 

The Second Trimester…

Most women would get an ultrasound at around 9 weeks. However, you had yours at 20 weeks. You didn’t go to a doctors office, instead, Minho had the doctors come to you. Even still, he didn’t want you leaving the house. Before the doctor was even allowed to see you, he had to sign an NDA, with Minhos reasoning being that he was an idol, and he didn’t want the public to know about his fiancées current condition. You still didn’t know when you had gotten engaged, but apparently it had happened at some point before the doctor's arrival. 

Seeing your baby on the screen made it impossible to deny that you truly were pregnant. It also made it hard for you to hate it as you during your entire first trimester. Was it truly the baby’s fault that their father was crazy? Did it’s fathers behavior make the baby inherently evil? No… of course it didn’t. The baby was still a part of you, and you were a good person. You wouldn’t allow your child to grow up to be like Minho. “It’s a girl.” The doctor said, pointing to the screen as if you’d understand what you were being shown, but Minho was mesmerized by what he was seeing, his jaw slacked in awe. 

“That’s my daughter… Our daughter? Really? Is she healthy?” It was Minho asking all the questions that most women in your position would be asking. You were too caught up in your own thoughts though. A baby girl, you were carrying his daughter. She’d be more like you, right? Maybe having a daughter would change the way he is, he’d become normal, a man that you could actually love and welcome having a family with. He wouldn’t want his own daughter to be with a man like himself, right? 

The doctor turned up the volume on the little tv, a rapid pulsing sound filled the room, both you and Minho were silent as you listened. “She’s healthy, very healthy.” The doctor said, smiling to both you and Minho. You were… happy. A single tear rolled down your cheek as you stared at the screen, watching the baby squirm around, and you couldn’t wait to be able to feel her moving beneath your skin. “I’ll print out the pictures and then be on my way. I’d like to make another appointment for next month though, make sure she continues growing the way she should. I also want some bloodwork from you…” He motioned towards you, and you swallowed thickly, looking at Minho who looked slightly annoyed at the doctor's pushiness. “Don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong, we just like to make sure that there’s no underlying problems. Better to be safe, right?” 

His words had you tensing up, your hands moving down to your stomach, rubbing over the small swell that had begun to form as your daughter grew bigger. “Why… Why would there be underlying problems? What could be wrong?” You squeaked out, not wanting to look up at the doctor, worried that his expression would give you a silent answer, one that you were scared to know. Minho was still, like a statue, only his eyes moving between you and the doctor, but there was no answer, just a soft sigh and a gentle tapping against your hand to try to calm you. The gesture was supposed to make you feel better, but you heard Minhos teeth gritting together. 

“It’s just precautionary. This is your first appointment since you’ve gotten pregnant. It’s to make sure both you and the baby are healthy and that there are no problems now or in the future. From what I see though, you and your daughter are perfectly fine. You have nothing to worry about.” Your hand was held lightly by the doctor who offered you a reassuring smile, but before you could thank him, Minho was, quite rudely, ushering him out of the room and shutting the door. On the other side of the door, in the hallway, you could hear Minhos aggrivated voice, low enough that you couldn’t make out what he was saying, but you could feel it, reverberating through the walls and the floorboards. He was talking so fast that the doctor didn’t have a chance to speak, and before you knew it, the front door was slammed shut and then Minho was storming back into the bedroom. 

“Touching you… Holding your hand… Who the fuck is that guy?!” Minho growled as he shut the door behind himself, pinching the bridge of his nose as he leaned against the door. “You don’t need any more fucking doctors. You were doing just fine without them. There’s nothing else we need to know anyway. Our daughter is healthy and that’s what matters. There’s no need to have some touchy ass fuckwad coming in here, looking at you… Ugh!” You could see the heat radiating off of him, he was beyond angry, he was absolutely irate, and while you didn’t want to push him any further, what the doctor had said prompted you to speak up. 

“Min… Honey…” It was an attempt to soften him up, you never called him that, not unless you were trying to get him to agree to something. Most of the time it never worked, but it at least would keep him from going off as rashly as he would without the pet name. “What if there is a… a problem… I think we both should know. We don’t need to keep him as our doctor… We can find someone else… But I think the bloodwork is important.” You sat up on the bed, trying to get a better look at him, trying to read his expression, but he was completely blank. “Minho…” You tried to get his attention, unaware that you already had it fully and he was just deep in thought. 

“No…” His hand was held out, one finger up to silence you as a chuckle was huffed out of his parted lips, his breaths coming faster and faster as he pushed himself away from the door. “I know what you’re doing. I know what this is…” The pet name didn’t work, nothing would work, he was already angry as it was and you were simply making things worse. “You want him to come back… You want him to take you away from me. That’s what you want. I know you! You’ve wanted nothing but to leave since you’ve been with me! He can’t have my fucking daughter! And he sure as hell can’t have you!” He climbed onto the bed, straddling you and holding your face between his hands. It wasn’t exactly painful, maybe you were numb to the pain it might have caused at first, but now you just found it annoying. “What do I need to do to make you stay!?” He shouted, his breath fanning across your face with every word. It’s like he was using all of the air in his lungs to enunciate every syllable. 

“Minho, stop it.” You whispered, knowing that the wrong word, a wrong look, saying it in a way that he didn’t like, it would only have him spiraling deeper and he’d drag you right along with him. “Please… h-honey look at me… I’m not trying to leave you… I just want to know that me and the baby are healthy, that there’s nothing wrong. I don’t want anything to happen to either of us… I want her… Honey, I want a family with you…” Sure, you were really sugarcoating it to try to get him to calm down, but you also really needed to know that everything would be okay. The last thing you wanted was for something to happen to you and him blame your daughter for the rest of his life or vice versa. 

His hands dropped down to your shoulders, his body now shuddering, although you didn’t know if it was because he was about to cry or if he was just shaking with anger. It was always hard to gauge his reactions or how he was truly feeling. It had you on edge all the time, and you felt like a tiny rodent, cornered by a feral cat. “Nothing is going to happen to either of you…” He mumbled, his head hung low, his hair curtaining his face. “Stupid fucking doctor, putting that shit in your head, scaring my darling…” This wasn’t what you wanted, his anger once again shifted towards the doctor who was just trying to do his job. “Do you really think I’d let anything happen to you and our baby?” You shook your head, of course he wouldn’t let something happen to either of you, not because he cared, but because he couldn’t fathom the thought of not owning you anymore. “You’ll be just fine, darling. You’re overthinking what that jackass said.” And with that, it’s like all of the anger washed away, a sudden wave of calmness rinsing him clean of the negativity. “Let’s get something to eat. My girls are hungry, aren’t they?” He pressed a kiss to your forehead before shifting off of you and off of the bed, grabbing your hand and carefully helping you up to your feet. The sudden shift had you feeling dizzy, but it was welcome, at least he wasn’t yelling at you. 

The Third Trimester… 

Something was wrong, although you weren’t sure what it was. The ongoing nausea, the headaches, the blurred vision, you knew there was a problem. All you could think of was the argument that you had almost 15 weeks ago, wanting to at least have bloodwork done to make sure you were okay, but of course Minho had denied you of the simple procedure. If anything happened to you, it would be his fault, but he wouldn’t look at it that way, no, it would be someone else’s fault, it always was whenever he fucked up. 

“Someone’s tired…” He whispered when he walked into the bedroom where you were still laying. It’s not that you were actually that tired, you just couldn’t move without feeling sick. When he pulled open the curtains, you squeezed your eyes shut, groaning loudly as the bright sun only amplified the raging headache you were already suffering through. “Sorry, darling. Can’t lay in bed all day. Gotta get you up and moving. Come on.” He yanked the covers back and his eyes landed on your feet which had become so swollen you could barely even fit them in your slippers anymore. “What happened?” He whispered, although there was a slight panic in his voice as he gently grabbed your ankle and lifted it, looking over the extremity for any signs of injury. 

“I think… I think…” You kept starting the sentence only to be left practically winded after only saying two words. “Problem…” You settled for one word, hoping that it would get your point across and that he’d take some kind of action. He blinked a few times, backing away from the bed, his hands running through his hair as he seemed to be fighting an internal battle with himself. “Please…” You pleaded, your hands cradling your swollen stomach. If not to help you, at least to help your baby who he seemed to want more than anything. 

“Shut… Shut up! I’m thinking!” He screeched, suddenly pacing back and forth as his breaths came out sharply, sounding more like whistles as they came through pursed lips. “Why would you let this happen! What even… God dammit!” He shouted, his fist colliding with the wall in an act of frustration, and even though he was fully across the room, you jumped at the sudden act of violence. He would never hit you, no matter how mad he got he had never actually hit you, but when things got this bad, you always feared just how far he would go or how far gone he was. “What am I supposed to do?! Take you to the hospital?!” 

Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what he was supposed to do to keep both you and your daughter from potentially dying. “If I could just… have her… get her out… we could be… okay…” You said breathlessly, and he whipped around in your direction, his eyes wild and crazed. It truly seemed like he was losing his mind. “Min… I don’t want t-… to die… please…” You begged, the sudden onslaught of tears only making it harder to breathe. 

“Fuck! You think I want you to die!? You think I want that!?” He questioned, and soon his hands were back in his hair, tugging at the ends as he let out a loud scream. “This is exactly what you wanted, isn’t it! It’s what you wanted to happen! You wanted to leave me so bad! You’d rather die than be with me!” He was once again blaming you, yelling at you for something that you didn’t even understand at the moment. You didn’t know what was happening, so why the hell was he attacking you for it? “Such a fucking bitch! God! Fuck! Get up!” You were being… belittled… insulted… cursed at for… dying? At least if you did die, you wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore. You wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore. But did you really want to leave your poor baby with someone like him? 

Getting up was a daunting task, it took you longer than it usually would just to swing your legs over the side of the bed. Every small movement made you feel like you had run a marathon, your breaths becoming more labored, your vision becoming spotty, and the urge to vomit became more of an oncoming threat as the bile from your otherwise empty stomach rose to your throat. There was no time to get to the bathroom, you weren’t even on your feet yet, and before you had any time to even warn Minho, you were doubled over, heaving up the acid that burned your throat on its way out. He watched, not coming close or helping you, but he watched, his lips parted and his eyes blinking rapidly as if what he was seeing wasn’t true. “Sorry…” The word was spoken in a single raspy breath, your head hung low with both shame, embarrassment, and pain. Your throat was scratchy now, and it felt like fire was being held against the back of it. Tears pricked your eyes and snot ran down your nose, stopping at your upper lip, and you didn’t even have the energy to wipe that away. 

“What happened…?” He asked, his voice once again soft, laced with the false tone of worry. It used to make you think he cared, but now you knew it was an act. It was all an act. “Let’s… Let’s go…” He said, his voice wavering. He truly didn’t know what to do, but he knew that he didn’t want to do this. It’s not like he had a choice though. You looked awful, like you were already standing at death's door, and that terrified him. He had seen you sick before, but he had never seen you like this. “C-Can you walk? Do you need… Uhm… Shit…” He was tripping over his words, but when he saw you try to get up on your own, he rushed over, his arm wrapping around you. 

Looking at you this close, he could see that your face was swollen too, and beads of sweat lingered on your forehead. “She hasn’t moved… Min… I’m- I’m scared…” You whimpered, and he pulled you closer to him, letting your body fall against his side, trying to take all of your weight as he walked you towards the front door. “Min…” You breathed out his name, your head falling against his shoulder. He hummed to let you know he heard you, grabbing everything he needed with one hand as he walked through your shared apartment. “If you have… to save any of us… save her… save the baby…” You wheezed, all of your weight falling against him, everything that he had been carrying was dropped immediately to catch you. 

“No… no no no! Stop talking like that! Stop it!” Minho shouted, his voice trembling from the sobs he tried to hold back. “I’m not losing either of you, dammit! I-…” He sniffled softly, and while your eyes had been closed the entire time, trying to block out the light that shone through the window in the living room, you could feel his eyes on you. “I love you… You know that, don’t you? I’m not… If anything happens…” The thought was stopped before he could get the words out, but you were stuck on the three words he had said prior. Love was such a strong emotion, you hadn’t felt loved the entire time you had been with him, and he had never said it before now either. Did the thought of you being gone forever make him change? If you did make it through, would he go back to the way he was before? Maybe death was the only escape… 

I’ll Make You Stay… 

There was no way the doctors would make him choose… It couldn’t be that serious. You were absolutely fine, right? He hadn’t noticed anything wrong until today… or were you just that good at hiding things from him? Why would you hide something like this from him? Were you afraid of him? Why were you scared of his love? He just loves you so much! What’s wrong with that? He wanted you to be with him forever, he wanted you to be his darling, why did you make it seem like that was so awful? He’d show you that you could be happy, that he could make you happy, you just had to stay with him, you had to stay. 

“Why can’t I go in?” Minho asked once again to the nurse who slipped out of the room. Each time he said it he was more irritated than the last. He just didn’t understand. What could be so wrong that he couldn’t be there for the birth of his daughter? Every time, the nurse would just sigh, getting more agitated with him. “I’ll just go in then. You can’t keep me from seeing her. That’s my wife, that’s my daughter! If you won’t tell me what’s going on then I’ll just-“ 

The nurse cleared her throat, although it sounded more like she was groaning. He tried not to let it bother him the way it usually would. He had far better, far more important things to worry about than the bitchy attitude of the nurse. “She didn’t want me to tell you. I’m trying to respect her wishes. She wanted to be alone.” The nurse explained, but it only stirred up more questions in Minhos now overactive mind. What was the reason behind you wanting to go through this alone? Did he not have a say in being able to watch his daughter be born? It was unfair, and once everything was over with, he’d be having a talk with you about how rude and humiliating it was for him to sit out in the hallway while you were delivering his child. He opened his mouth, not even to speak, just to breathe, and the nurse started talking, as if she assumed he was just going to continue complaining. “Both of them are not well. The last thing I wanted to do was go against what could possibly be her last wish. Are you understanding now, sir?” 

Your… last wish? It sounded like you were dying… It couldn’t possibly be that bad… Is it? Why would you want to be alone during a time like this? How could you leave him this way? Do you not even care about his feelings? It’s like you want to make him miserable! All he wanted was to have a family with you, to make you stay with him forever, and now you’re trying to get away by dying!? You were so selfish! Why couldn’t you just be healthy?! He had done everything right. He made sure you ate and had your vitamins and did daily exercises and that you always got enough sleep. If anything happens to you and the baby… It would be your fault! It would all be your fault! 

“An early blood test would have shown that this was a possibility. It would have potentially kept this from happening. If she was getting proper appointments, this would have been caught before it got this bad. Who was her OB?” The nurse asked, her clipboard resting against her forearm, her pen held in her other hand, as if she was waiting for the information to jot down. The mention of your doctor had his mind pausing for a split second… This is why you needed the bloodwork done? Why had no one told him that back then? Why was he not informed of the risks that would come along if the bloodwork wasn’t done? This still wasn’t his fault though… No, the doctor should have talked to you and him more about the benefits of getting early bloodwork done. 

It was the doctors fault… If he hadn’t been so touchy with you, it wouldn’t have been such a big deal for him to come back and do the bloodwork. It was all the doctors fault, and if something were to happen to you or the baby… Minho would make sure that the doctor paid for it. He told the nurse the doctor's name, trying not to let his smile break through the mask of sadness that he was wearing, but it was hard. The thought of getting that guy to potentially lose his job, it was nice, and he couldn’t help but feel a little… overjoyed, knowing that if anything were to happen to you and the baby, it wouldn’t be in vain, at least the doctor will suffer as well. “I guess I’ll… wait out here…” He said, the frown once again returning to his face as he dropped down into the chair beside your door. It was still hard not being in there with you, knowing that so many people were looking at you, touching you… He felt like he was going to lose his mind, and the only way that he was keeping himself slightly sane was by constantly telling himself that he could potentially lose you and his daughter if those doctors didn’t help you. 

He was in and out of sleep the whole time, his head falling against the wall and his eyes drooping shut, only for them to shoot back open whenever an alarm would go off, looking up at the light above your door to make sure it wasn’t for your room before drifting back to sleep once more when he realized it wasn’t. It had been hours, he finally stopped counting after the seventh, when the door finally opened and one of the nurses, different from the one before, walked out. There were dark circles under her eyes, she looked frazzled and exhausted, but there was no urgency, there was no sadness… Was everything okay? Would he be able to keep you and his daughter? “Sir…” She started, and Minho sat up straight, his eyes hopeful as he looked up at the nurse. “I don’t want to sugarcoat anything, I don’t want you to get excited just yet… Although your wife and the baby are… alive… That doesn’t mean that things are… okay.” It was like all of the hope was drained from his body immediately, even after hearing that you were alive… How could you still not be okay? 

“Well… what’s wrong? What happened? I mean… I need some information here!” He was trying not to get worked up, but the way the nurse seemed to be beating around the bush was highly aggravating. For Christ's sake, he’s your boyfriend, the father of the child, and she was talking to him like he was some nobody. He deserves… No, he needs to know what happened! “How is she not okay? Is the baby okay? Come on, tell me something, dammit!” He didn’t care if she was tired, or if she was emotionally worn out after helping you. That’s her damn job, and part of it is telling him what the hell is going on. 

She sighed loudly, clearly not happy with the way that Minho was talking to her, but he didn’t really care for that either. He wasn’t even allowed in the damn room, the least she could do was tell him what had gone on while he was locked out in the hallway. “The mother had preeclampsia which advanced to class one HELLP, which I will not go into full detail about, a simple google search will tell you what it is, but I will say that she had the most severe case of HELLP that I have ever seen in my years of working here. We were at a point where we worried that we would have to choose whether she lived or the baby lived. She had to have blood transfusions before we could even deliver the baby, she was in the early stages of kidney failure, and while we were in the process of trying to help the mother, the baby went into respiratory distress. We had to do an emergency c-section, which wasn’t easy because we were worried about hemorrhaging, which did in fact happen. The baby is currently in the NICU, she is underweight, we have to do tests to check her platelet count, she’ll most likely be in the NICU for a couple of weeks, and that’s minimum, especially if her platelets aren’t normal. The mother needs to stay because we have to make sure she doesn’t have any other underlying health issues, and we need to monitor her closely because the first couple days after delivering a baby with HELLP syndrome could be fatal. So yes, the mother and the baby are alive… But they are in no way, shape or form, okay or healthy enough to come home anytime soon. Does that answer your questions, sir?” 

Minho didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know where to start. He didn’t understand anything that had been said to him, all he knew was that it was bad and that you wouldn’t be going home with him. How could you let things get this bad? Why didn’t you tell him? Surely you must have felt ill or something when this was all going on? And that damn doctor… Why did he have to touch you? Why did he have to make him so angry? If he had just been a normal doctor, he would have been allowed to come back and do your bloodwork. This all could have been avoided! It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t! How was he supposed to know that something like this could happen?! He had never read anything about this online! He didn’t know something like this could happen! It wasn’t his fault! 

“Anyway…” The nurse spoke once more, taking Minhos silence as an opening. “She’s resting, they both are. There’s going to be doctors in and out of the room constantly, so, if you’d like to go in there, you can, but I wouldn’t expect to get any rest. If I were you, I’d honestly just go home, get some sleep, and come back in the afternoon. They’re not going anywhere, it’s going to be a long road ahead of the both of them… And you need to get as much rest as possible to prepare for it.” And with that, she walked away. He was left alone in the hallway with his thoughts, the faint sound of a heart monitor beeping just beyond the closed door to your room was the only sound he could really focus on. 

You were alive… You had stayed… You weren’t leaving him. He would have his family, and he would have it with you, his perfect darling. Nothing like this would ever happen again, he had his baby girl, and he had you. The two of you were all he needed. Once he had you and his baby back home, he’d make sure he never had to let you out of his sight again. You were going to stay with him, he would make you stay. That’s why he wanted the baby in the first place, and in the end, he still got exactly what he wanted. 

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[azen13]

So sadly I didn't get the chance to write today because I had a bunch of stuff going on. But! I had a lot of time to think so I have ideas (for once!).

CW: Yandere Themes, Stalking

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

Yandere!Alhaitham x Reader, but both of you are reincarnates of King Deshret and the God/dess of Flowers respectively. All those centuries ago, you drove each other mad. Deshret drove you mad by encaging you in gardens built upon honeyed words and sweet lies, and you drove him mad by fleeing from him and dying soon after.

Let's fast forward to Sumeru's Archon Quest. Let's say something goes horribly wrong, and when Alhaitham uses the Divine Knowledge Capsule, it turns out it's the real one.

He is flooded with memories of the past. Of flowers in eternal bloom. Of love, pure and unbounded. You are its focal point. You, a normal Amurta scholar working part-time at the House of Daena, are the missing variable he has sought all his life. He doesn't know how he knows it, but something in the depths of his heart has clicked like the opening of something long hidden away.

While he does care about this discovery of a past life, its importance is superseded by you. Almost immediately, he begins doing...data collection. Your hobbies. Your favorites books. Your sleep schedule. Where you live. Friends. Family. All of it. Alhaitham records every piece of information in his mind with an almost zealous focus.

His plan to bring you back in his arms is flawless; slowly, almost painfully so, he worms his way into your life, latching onto any possible connection he can find between the two of you. You like this book? Alhaitham has read the entire series. If you'd like, you can borrow the next one from him. You're studying the impact of Ley Line abnormalities on the forest floor of Sumeru's rainforests? Alhaitham knows quite a bit on Sumeru's ecology from all the papers and the theses he's read. After all, as the Scribe, he's aware of many of the inner workings of the Akademiya, including many different research projects. Including yours. Do let him in, otherwise he might have to resort to...more unsavory methods, like cutting your funding.

After all, in the end, he's doing this for your benefit, right? He failed to give you paradise once. With all this new knowledge under his belt, he will succeed. No matter what.

[mattitvdes]

nerd!matt sturniolo x popular!reader headcannons

a/n: this was a request that i had written out and planned to post then it didn’t save now i lost both the request and everything i wrote 😂😂😂😐

.ೃ࿐

✰. right off the bat, you guys met at a party

✰. you spotted him in your peripheral standing in the corner with a cup of water in his hands, so you decided to approach him

✰. you were known as the popular girl, which is why he felt weirdly about you approaching him

✰. as you talked to him, you noticed he was a bit closed off and cold towards you, but that didn’t stop you from finishing your conversation (even if it’s one-sided!)

✰. but as you continued, he noticed that you’re actually kind of nice, unlike the people you surround yourself with…

✰. by the end of the party, you’d have ditched your friends and spend the rest of the night talking to matt, and getting to know him. he also got to know you, discovering things about you that didn’t come from rumors or gossip

✰. you would have made such a connection during that time, that when you go back to school the following monday, and actually say hi when you pass each other in the hallways, people are looking at the both of you as if you grew an extra head

✰. now, fast forward a little… you’ve been flirting with him for the past two months or so, and trying to get him to go on a date with you, claiming it’ll get him to discover the real you

✰. you spend so long doing so, that when he finally says yes, you continue asking him for another minute until you register he actually agreed

✰. but… he thought you were joking. the flirting, the suggestiveness, the date ideas, you name it, he thought it was a joke.

✰. on the day your date was, you knocked on his door only to find him in his pajamas, staring at you (who’s actually dressed for a date) with a dumbfounded expression. the two of you stood there staring at each other for almost two minutes. (while you were thinking how good he looks in those plaid pajama pants, he was thinking about how you were in fact not joking)

✰. he quickly got dressed into something a little more date-like, and you spent the night driving around as you eat from a random fast food place of his choice!

✰. you had parked your car in the parking lot near a park, and as you were eating and listening to music quietly, he admitted to thinking that you didn’t actually mean anything you said or did when you flirted with him (which made you playfully offended, and made him sputter out apologies for five minutes straight)

✰. being real for a second, you guys wouldn’t have gotten together right after the first date. you went on a few more dates before you confessed to him your very real attraction towards him, and he admitted the same, earning a few teasing remarks from you (which he has grown to love…)

✰. NOW LETS GET INTO THE ACTUAL DATING EXPERIENCE!!

✰. he’d be so awkward at first, not knowing what to do, moreover, what being in a relationship actually means

✰. you’d never make fun of him for that part. anything else though? you’re relentlessly lovingly teasing him

✰. you’re the only one he doesn’t mind giving homework answers to, but if anyone else asks, he’s giving them the nastiest death glare

✰. after becoming a couple, you’re almost always together, and basically inseparable

✰. you also get paired up for every single project now, and always end up getting the best score (reason being him doing 99.9% of the work while you sit there prettily) ((but he doesn’t mind, he tells you he’ll handle it))

✰. it annoys you sometimes, though…

“you’re making it seem like i’m only with you so i don’t have to do anything.” you tell him, watching as he researches the topic for your history project.

“aren’t you?” he asks, his tone clearly joking.

“yes, that’s the only reason i confessed my undying love for you, matthew.” you say, glaring at his side profile, making him smirk slightly.

✰. teasing him in an entertaining pastime for you, the way he breaks eye contact with you as his cheeks get redder making him even cuter

✰. but when he teases you? it’s always unexpected in the best way ever.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I asked my mom not to invite my sister on vacation with us?

(submitted 5/26/24)

I (22X) have a lot of anxiety about politics (namely the upcoming presidential election and its potential consequences regarding my access to healthcare, among many other things). It started in 2016 and then just kept getting worse and worse as the years went on. I know that if I try to go about my day as normal on election night, I’ll most likely end up obsessively refreshing polling results and worrying myself into a panic attack (or several). So, I did a lot of research and planned a week-long vacation on and a bit after election day. It’s at a nice cabin a short drive away that’s all about disconnecting from phones and technology and reconnecting with nature. I figured because everyone in my family votes absentee already, me and my mom (56F) could go up together while my dad and my oldest sister (63M and 25F) would stay home because of work obligations and take care of our pets. My mom was really enthusiastic about the idea (especially because I went on a vacation with my dad last year, and it’s been a long time since her and I have had a parent child bonding trip), and she helped me finalize the dates and pay for the cabin. I’m in college and haven’t been able to find a summer job, but I’m still trying to save money to help cover the cost of food/entertainment/gas for the trip.

When we were booking, she talked about potentially inviting my sister (24F) on vacation too, as a family bonding thing. She moved out a year and a bit ago and is living with a friend, so my mom doesn’t get to see her all that often. But I really don’t want my sister to come along. Me and her haven’t gotten along since elementary school, and now whenever she visits I’m on edge the whole time. Plus, she has a very old special needs dog that she would have to bring with her that needs constant supervision, and his energy wildly varies between “sleeps in a ball all day” and “blindly runs around screaming and peeing everywhere and getting stuck like a roomba all day”. Which again, that’s very stressful to me. In addition, whenever my sister is over at our house, she always finds a way to bring up politics and wants to talk about current events (never the good ones, only the bad ones). Thankfully we agree on the important things (even if she leans a tad more towards the center than I do), but still. The whole point of this trip is to avoid having to worry about politics, and she always finds a way to bring it up. Plus, I just genuinely think she’d go stir crazy being cooped up in a cabin with me and my mom and poor cell service. There’s not a lot to do in the surrounding area besides hiking (she’s got a heart condition), a small Main Street with some shops that’s a 15 minute drive away, and a diner. It’ll probably just be reading, board games, and cards for a week straight.

Why I think I’d be TA: my mom and her don’t spend a lot of time together, and my mom is the one paying for the vacation. Even though I think she wouldn’t like glamping with us, my sister could still want to be invited and want to come along.

Why I think I wouldn’t be TA: I don’t think my sister would like being in a cabin with me and my mom for a week straight with no TV and poor cell service. My oldest sister is also not going on vacation with us due to work obligations, so they could have some sisterly bonding time while we’re away. Plus, the entire point of the vacation is to have a few days where I don’t have to dread election results, and I know my sister is going to want to talk about election results as soon as they start coming in.

So, would I be the asshole if I asked my mom not to invite my sister on vacation with us?

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

Congratulations on the milestone! You more than deserve it, such a talented writer!

I'd like to request a fic for your event. It's been a song stuck in my head for days, "The Alcott" by The National, and the character being Hunter. It's such a beautiful song and I can't wait to see how you interpret it with his character!

Thank you in advance, keep being awesome!

~🥀

Awwww @royalthunderbird that's so sweet of you!

I really hope you enjoy how I interpreted this song. It almost caught me off guard, but I was quite happy with how it turned out. Love The National and I've never heard this song before, so thank you for introducing it to me.

Love oo.

The Alcott

Warnings: Yo-yo relationship, food, declaration of feelings, angst, fluffish. I think that's it. If I miss anything please let me know.

Main Master List   | Star Wars Jukebox Roulette |   AO3 Link

You hadn’t planned on meeting Hunter, well… at least not this time. 

Both of you had been on again, off again so many times it was starting to give you whiplash. Yet, you couldn’t help it. He called and despite how many times you tried to argue, tried to justify not going, you still showed up. 

So there you were in the back of Dex’s Diner, waiting for him while you worked on your next article for HNE. You wrote in your golden notebook, writing out relevant dates and information that you’d need to look into later. 

“You want something honey?” 

You looked up to the waitress droid smiling, “Thanks Flo, could I get a Jamba Juice?”

“You got it, sweetheart.”

You watched her roll away as you focused back on the task at hand. 

Hunter stood outside the diner, just out of your line of sight. He leaned against the concrete building beside him, just watching you. The way you fiddled with the pen in your hand, the way it tapped against your lip, even the way you chewed on the end. A habit you’d been trying to break ever since the first time he met you. 

He let out a light sigh, Maker, you were still so beautiful. You had that smile on your lips, the one that you always wore. 

There was a time when you two first started going out, he asked why you always wore a smile on your face, you simply shrugged and said, “Why not? A lot of people are either having bad days or just haven’t had any sort of kindness in their life. If I can give them a little peace with a smile, then why not?”

He didn’t have a response to that; he just knew he fell in love with you at that moment. 

All he wanted to do was walk up to you, kiss you with all the passion his heart contained for you. To make you his once again, yet … he let out a breath shaking his head. He’d done this to you once too often, starting something only for either his job or yours to get in the way. 

The first time you two broke up, it was a misunderstanding between the two of you, both failing to recognize how you each felt about the other. 

The second time you broke up, it was because Crosshair implied you were only using Hunter to get classified information on the GAR.

The third time was because he misunderstood your relationship with an informant when he saw you holding their hand, simply because you were trying to console them.

Hopefully, this time … this time he could just be honest and tell you without regrets what he wanted. What he’s always wanted. 

He took a deep breath and righted himself, wiping off any visible dust, before he headed inside. 

You jotted down a few more names, as you were now on a roll with your research, questions that popped up that didn’t make sense, answers that were needed.

“H-hi cyare.”

You slowly lifted your head with a smile on your face as soon as you heard his voice, “Hey handsome. You’re late.”

He nodded as he sat, taking off his helmet and placing it on the table beside him, “Yeah, we ran into a little bit of trouble.”

“Oh! Anything good?” You teased as you smiled at him. 

“Hmm, yes and no. More of the fact that our aggressive negotiations took longer than expected.”

“Ahh, did they have better weaponry than you?” You wiggled your eyebrows, putting away your notebook and datapad, back into your satchel. 

“Sweetheart, you should know, no one has better weaponry than me.” He smirked as he looked at you.

You giggled as you nodded, “True. So…” you stopped fidgeting and focused solely on him, “how have you been? It’s been a minute since we actually spoke or even really saw each other.”

“Yeah,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “Sorry, about that. Things have gotten hectic the last few months.”

“Anything I should be concerned about?”

“Not that I can think of, but you still have your go-bag ready just in case, right?”

“Always.” You smiled as your head propped on your fist, “You look good.”

“So do you,” Hunter leaned forward, smiling. He was about to ask about your life and how you were doing when Flo came over and asked if they were ready to order. 

Once she was gone, Hunter just let out a contented sigh, as he looked at you. “I think I’m falling back in love with you.”

You looked startled for a moment, pulling back to sit up a little, you didn’t know what to say really. You had never stopped loving him, but … if he was falling back in love with you, then did that mean there were still trust issues between the two of you. What if you got back together and broke up for a fourth time? Could you handle that? What if you get back together and you realize this time you’re the one who’s moved on? What if there’s another misunderstanding, or if one of his other brothers says something that causes doubt in your relationship?

Hunter watched as you fidgeted with your finger against the table. 

Flo came back with your food, leaving it on the table. Even she noticed there was something odd with the intense silence that lingered between the two of you. 

He wanted to speak, but he decided against it. He didn’t want to distract you. He sat there silently, allowing you the time you needed to figure out what to do with what he said … maybe he made a mistake saying he was falling back in love, truth was he’d never fallen out of love with you. This would’ve been his fourth attempt to get back together with you, was he stupid for trying this? Maybe you wouldn’t believe him, when he said he was in love with you. Not that he blamed you.

Was he ruining this again before anything even started?

Was it over before he even got a chance to show you he changed?

He just needed you to look up at him, to smile at him. He just needed your smile. Why did he have to open his mouth?

You took a deep breath, and slowly lifted your eyes to look at him, “You’re falling back in love with me? So… you moved on and now … you’re … what, realizing you’re back in love?”

“No. Rather, I’m realizing, I’ve never stopped loving you. I …” he swallowed the nervousness that was bubbling forth from deep within. He clenched his hands. “I was an idiot. Every one of those times we broke up, it was my fault. I … I didn’t understand what it took to actually be in a relationship, and I know I’m asking a lot from you, by telling you all this, but I don’t want to run away, anymore. I don’t want to be scared. I don’t want to think I’m not good enough… I want to give us a real try.”

You looked at him and Gods, as hard as you tried, you just couldn’t stop that smile from appearing on your lips as you looked into his eyes. What do they say, fourth times a charm?

Main Master List   | Star Wars Jukebox Roulette |   AO3 Link

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[junijunniper]

Quite a bit to read down below! but I do have important information in regards to future plans.

So my research is still on going, and my mind broke when I tried to make sense of heavy's minigun... I gave up on it as you can see. Well I did learn a couple of things but like half of that gun does not exist and the other half does but my brain can't make sense of it. beep boop machinery.

Rant aside. I still do have that one alternative version of events story with cross faction heavymedic I did not forget about it, but came into conflict in between "I wanna draw it" and "I wanna write it because I don't have time for drawing" But I'd still like to doodle it away. Though I want to test the waters and ask the question, I did remember mentioning in the other blog that a friend got me into another ship, with the heavy and the pyro, not the actual pyro more like a fempyro but without the latex catsuit. And their version is very cute! Would be like the side thing. But wanna know if you aren't going to 360 no-scope me from the moon for shipping something as crack as that. (And no the real pyro we know doesn't get replaced they're just there vibing) There's also this other... AU that I have also for the pair that takes inspiration on a very old but very devilish modern AU that probably sparked the "why do people make Medic an uke?!?!?!!" stereotype lmao. If you know what that AU is then comment it down below ;) But I also took inspiration from Zarla's Jacob's got nothing on me. I have a series of unfortunate but dumb and silly events I'll doodle those laters but work starts tomorrow and a lot of things to be done regardless! se ya'll.

[spade-of-storms]

Allen x Deuce facts pt. 1

Some facts about my OC/Yuu x canon ship Spade of Storms (Allen x Deuce)!

This is gonna be extremely long, so I'm putting everything below the cut.

Thank you for reading!

• Deuce confessed to Allen at the beach. He gifted him red roses, a card, and a gumball machine ring.

• When Allen has issues with his laptop, Deuce helps him out.

• Allen and Deuce are planning on getting small matching tattoos.

• They often go on blastcycle rides together.

• Deuce had a secret folder full of Allen's photos during his "we're just friends" phase.

• Allen occasionally includes subtle references to Deuce in his songs.

• Deuce sleeps over regularly and often forgets some of his stuff in Allen's room.

• Grim was the first one to notice that Deuce and Allen had feelings for each other.

• Allen and Deuce cuddle a lot when alone.

• Deuce and Allen often watch children's animated movies together.

• Allen enjoys doing Deuce's makeup.

• Whenever Deuce is feeling insecure, Allen is his biggest hypeman.

• Whenever Allen is feeling insecure, Deuce wants to fight the world.

• Before they got together, Allen and Deuce had a shared "best friends" playlist and used it to drop clues via songs (neither noticed that the other did this).

• Everyone knew that they were in love before Allen and Deuce did.

• They pretend to be tough guys, but Allen and Deuce are both massive softies and go crazy internally when simply holding hands.

• *internally* "OUR HANDS ARE TOUCHING. THEY ARE TOUCHING. RAHHHHH—"

• This facade drops when (they think) they're alone, and they turn into the most tooth-rottingly couple to ever exist.

• It's the first relationship for both of them, but Deuce is much more clueless than Allen.

• Deuce spent multiple hours researching intersex stuff in order to better understand Allen (and was successful).

• Before they started dating, Deuce's phone wallpaper was a smiling Shiba who reminded him of Allen.

• Deuce's current wallpaper is a photo he took together with his mom and Allen when he first introduced him to Dylla.

• Deuce's mom approves of Allen and loves to see her son being happy.

• Deuce has secretly started reading about dogs because he knows that Allen would like to have one as a pet someday.

• Before they got together, Allen and Deuce had matching profile pictures on Magicam for a while.

• Allen cheers Deuce on during track & field competitions and makes sure that he stays hydrated.

• Allen and Deuce have a similar height, so they occasionally share some of their tops with each other (especially jackets and hoodies).

• Allen and Deuce came out to each other only about 1 week or less into their friendship.

• Deuce started catching feelings extremely early on (book 1 when Allen accepts his delinquent past and encourages him).

• Allen caught feelings when he missed Deuce too much during the winter holidays (book 4).

• Deuce likes giving Allen red roses, but he also regularly gifts him blue ones since they symbolize deep feelings of affection, admiration, respect and love.

• Allen isn't big on pastries, but there are certain cupcakes at Heartslabyul's Unbirthday Parties that he does love. Deuce always makes sure to sneak some out for Allen.

• Deuce is absolutely in love with Allen's body and overall appearance, and it has helped Allen grow more confident with himself.

[lilacxquartz]

Don't Make Me Feel Alive I Chapter 4

Kenjaku (Pseudo-Geto) × Fem!Reader

[This fic contains Shibuya Arc spoilers and is updated every Saturday.]

ABOUT: Diagnosed at an early age with an illness that slowly deteriorated your body; you went from being a promising sorcerer to a retired husk of your once former self until he found you, offering you an opportunity to live instead—not that you had a choice to refuse.

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Your bond with him thickens but there’s still a lot to uncover. Meanwhile, Kenjaku plots something a bit different than what you agreed to.

TAGS/THEMES: (starting next chapter): »yandere, chronically ill reader, forced dynamic, non-con, dub-con, violence, caretaking, unrequited feelings, sorcerer reader, dead-dove, mixed pov, potential interpretations of dubious sorcery«

Previous Chapter.

4. Bonding

You tried to understand why he was so beaming despite how he treated you the day before, but with little avail.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you warily asked.

“Oh,” he seemed to be caught off guard that you caught him but recovered nearly instantly, “I decided on something.”

“On what?” you asked.

He glanced down at you with his expression suddenly cold, before returning to an unreadable smile, “You’ll see.”

After that strangely cold interaction with him last night and after such a strange morning, such behaviour seemed to never repeat ever again. Even when the continued practice of the technique seemed to wreck its toll on the energy output and even when such drainage sent you off to an early night—he never once repeated such coldness with you again.

As a result, you decided that it was best to not dwell on it again because it didn’t make sense for you to be upset over such trivial things. The agreement was to help him out as he figured a way out to help you live, that was it, so as long as he remained conditional to his promise, you decided that how he treated you in the end didn’t really matter.

However, as the days continued to pass you by and you invested more time into researching ways into improving both energy input and output, you couldn’t help but feel more and more curious about what your involvement actually was here.

“No seriously, what am I helping you with?” You asked once more, having done so just a moment ago. You felt frustrated, finding that you didn’t quite like how he ignored you the first time.

Kenjaku in the meanwhile resisted spilling you the full truth, biting onto his tongue as he held back a smile, “As I already told you, you’re going to fight.”

Oh, how he wanted to spill it all, but he knew better than to tell you the full truth. It was already a miracle that you were fighting someone from your side; rather, that you switched sides immediately in exchange for life.

Mortality was so easy to play around with.

“Who?” you persisted.

“That’ll depend when the time finally comes,” he replied, leaving more questions than answers.

You sighed in response, finding yourself growing increasingly frustrated as he purposefully kept you in the dark, “What time, though?”

“You’ll know when I tell you,” he simply replied as his eyes squeezed with his smile, pointing straight down at you.

“But-”

“—Don’t worry about it,” he dismissed, leaving you utterly frustrated.

Despite finding your frustrations amusing, he did have his reasons for keeping you in the dark about his plans that went beyond just losing your willing participation, even if he could force your hand. There was the experiment he was running on the cursed tool for one and he didn’t want to feed into unnecessary stress that could likely deal more strain for the battery.

At least for now, he wanted to keep the drainage minimal which is why he excluded you from strenuous activities while assisting you with the tedious ones; such practice that he dubbed training, even if it was just helping your body to relearn eating independently, to utilise cutlery efficiently again, to aiding you in walking and even to helping strengthen your mind through reading and puzzles.

Even if you didn’t realise it, all of these tasks helped you gradually decrease energy consumption. Just like he planned initially.

As he noted earlier on before too, the company that you offered him wasn’t half bad, so he didn’t actually mind assisting you during such tasks, no matter how pointless or boring they seemed to either of you. Moreover, he introduced you to the concept of helping him with his own work, such as aiding him with the more tedious aspects of his planning.

However, despite giving you such independence, he still kept you relatively closeby, just in case another hiccup resurfaced.

“Hold still for a moment,” he instructed, taking the pendant slightly away from your chest but within reasonable reach so that you wouldn’t drop dead, tinkering around with it as you patiently waited. Cursed tool manipulation wasn’t an easy task, but his intentions were to maximise the efficiency of the item so that’s what he did.

However, as he placed the amulet back against your chest, something then went strangely wrong. He did his best to observe your reaction carefully, understanding that perhaps too much energy cast upon a body unused to it was overwhelming on your being.

As a result, your body began to feel off and suddenly you felt terribly dizzy. Again. In a different way though.

It was beginning to get a little tiring, he thought.

Standing up to try and determine what was going wrong, you accidentally ended up plummeting more energy, causing your body to take a heavy hit. Something about it made you feel similar to how you felt on the deathbed just before you met him; something sinister lurking within your instincts and pulling—dragging you off to a place you shouldn’t explore.

You gulped as the pendant waned and the glow subsided as though there was nothing left to keep it fired up and running anymore.

It was then that you felt stiff as your body fell, a dull thud drumming against the floorboards—the wood failing to echo the hit. You felt strangely cold as the feeling persisted; a sensation of pure dread enveloping your senses, anchoring you down into an early demise.

Kenjaku initially reacted slowly, incorrectly thinking that you would recover just like the previous times before. However, as you remained limp and your body grew colder, he froze in place as he realised you were on the verge of something irreversible.

His project had been going so well yet suddenly, it showed signs of failure.

“Hey, wait,” he backtracked, feeling caught off guard due to its sudden failure, unable to mask it so well this time. He was simply just surprised though, not panicked. He mostly just didn’t understand what went wrong.

He didn’t want for something that he had already invested so much time into dying off so early on, especially before your full potential could shine.

Thinking quickly, he transfused some of his own energy into the pendant while extracting the excess energy from your body. It was a slow, intricate and daunting process, however it seemed to be working as your body soon stabilised—your breathing returning back to normal and your flesh once again saturated to its usual complexion.

You later woke up feeling much worse from before though, wondering exactly what had just happened as soon as you sat back up.

“What was that…?” you groaned, your mind begging for answers.

As usual, Kenjaku continued to keep you in the dark yet again as he withheld answers.

He smiled, pushing you gently back down into bed, “don’t worry your pretty little head, I won’t try it again,” his fingertips stifling your lips, “get some rest instead.”

“But-” you let slip.

“—You’re alive, aren’t you?” he stifled, his eyes once again devoid of any emotion, he wasn’t going to answer a single thing.

Too tired to protest, you hesitantly nodded off as your body continued to nod off into a deeper sleep, your body feeling oddly heavy as you succumbed to a weary state.

Kenjaku then sighed a deep breath the second that you did so, continuing to remain locked in place as you slept, slowly inching closer to keep a watchful eye as you did so. Just like always, it was just in case something went wrong.

He sighed again as the familiar emotion resurfaced from before but in a different form, finding that he didn’t like how it made him feel. Eventually though, he too grew tired as his eyelids drooped, unintentionally leaning against the bed as his body yearned for some shut eye. It was then that he decided that it didn’t hurt to even share the same bed, just to monitor you and your sleeping habits if so.

But in doing just that, he secretly felt some form of relief as your safety was now secured, however finding that this might have been too just a little too close for him to be.

Something troubled him as he considered it all, determining that he had to be more careful with his experiments, hoping for some reason in particular that this couldn’t happen again.

That’s why he considered something new—something he wouldn’t usually do.

His mind internally conflicted, trying to convince himself that he shouldn’t risk it.

After all, you weren’t that special to begin with.

(Or were you?)

***

Your recovery was slower this time as it took a couple of days to get you going again.

As you figured out how to get back to right where you were before, you adopted a streak of independence in doing so and usually when dabbling in technique mastery, Kenjaku would often detach from someone who was getting the hang of it, letting them find their own way—but he couldn’t quite do so with you.

Finding that in fact, he didn’t like it at all.

And as he watched you slowly recover and train yourself without him, he didn’t feel a single shred of relief or pride for any longer, as it turned out.

Instead, deciding that since you were his project, that he didn’t trust you to seldom practise anymore. Finding that while it must have seemed irrational, that he preferred it when you were much more dependent on him instead—enjoying your company much more when you seemed to be unable to even function without him.

For some reason finding that it actually made him feel more attached to you.

Not that he could fathom why.

And as he continued to tinker around with the pendant yet again, you didn’t suspect a single thing when he changed something rather drastic in its function. Nor as his tone of voice grew slightly unstable.

“The battery is on standby unless I activate it with a condition now,” Kenjaku said as he offered an unsettling grin, the direction of his change feeling off as though he wasn’t actually addressing you.

“Why though…?” you asked, confused by the sudden change.

He then redirected his sights to meet with yours, leaning in a little closer with his smile falling flat as he did so, “Do you really think I’d trust you to do things like that alone?” He asked, his stare intensifying, “You’re already a lot to work with, you know.”

“But, I really don’t like that,” you chose to protest instead.

However, he didn’t really care about what you liked, only about what he preferred. Yet rather than arguing with you back and forth and getting nowhere, he instead tried to manipulate you that this change was for your own good—your freedom be damned as long as you remained docile and dependent on him, a feeling he unashamedly wanted more of.

“Just think,” he said as he leaned closer, “I can keep you safe from yourself forever,” his breath hot against your temples as he leaned in, “isn’t that so much better?”

Feeling cornered and distressed, you didn’t want to continue this strained dynamic, realising that you were no longer content with helping him out if all he was going to do was to keep you so restricted.

You knew that you were getting into something weird, but you didn’t quite realise the extent of his true intentions until now when he kept pushing nonsensical change after change upon someone he seemed willing.

As a result, you then pushed him aside.

He let you do so though as his lips formed into slightly curved lines—slowly rising to his feet and following you closely behind as you tried to leave the room. Just as you tried to take your chances with leaving through the front door however, he deactivated the pendant to minimal output, prompting you to be hit with a wave of exhaustion instead.

He then grabbed your wrist as you succumbed to the sudden hit of tiredness, leading you back into the room and locking both the door and the window on his way out, leaving you alone for the remainder of the night.

The energetic feeling from before returned.

Perhaps he would talk you into a binding vow, after all.

Maybe you were that special to keep around.

[heybaetae]

.

[iridescentoracle]

thinking about several posts which i would link if tumblr would let me but alas and i'm kind of consumed with desire for a Canaan House AU where Cytherea talks to Dulcinea and Protesilaus before she kills them, tells them what Lyctorhood really means, explains that she genuinely believes all the murders she's planning to commit is because it's kinder to all of them than letting them become Lyctors, especially Dulcinea herself—and Dulcie says that she doesn't want to die but if that's what it's like then she certainly doesn't want to become a Lyctor either, and she's quite certain she's not the only one, and that if Cytherea explained the truth to the people she's planning to murder, not only would some of them not want to become Lyctors, they would side with Cytherea against God, that if she refrains from murder she could have help

and Cytherea looks at this girl who is dying, and who is in pain, and who reminds her of herself, and who still has her cavalier by her side, and almost goes through with her original plan just to rid herself of the feeling of looking into a mirror and hating it—but doesn't. and she agrees, and she manages to get off the ship despite some trouble on landing ("Dulcie is the best necromancer the Seventh has to offer at the moment but there was a rather dreadful incident and it seemed for a while there like she might not survive the trip, so I was here to take her place if things hadn't worked out after all, but truth be told I'm really not interested in becoming a Lyctor so you needn't worry about me—") and the very first evening the Seventh House delegation finds their way to the room of the Sixth House, and they tell them everything.

Things seem quiet for at least a few days, things going mostly like they did in canon (aside from a gradually increasing number of people making an effort to avoid Teacher, who I'm convinced thanks to one of those posts tumblr isn't letting me link was John's safeguard against anyone actually figuring out perfect lyctorhood when he wasn't looking), House after House in quiet meetings agreeing to side with Cytherea, necromancer after necromancer learning the price of becoming a Lyctor and turning their back on sainthood, and then--shit goes down.

(the rest under the cut because it gets much less coherent from here, and also this is already longer than i expected)

like, what precisely goes down is anyone's guess; the Sixth-and-company make a breakthrough re: perfect Lyctorhood being possible and Cyth loses it? the Eighth are told what (imperfect) Lyctorhood is and reject the idea so hard Teacher gets wind and John's safeguards are set off, whatever that looks like? the Third finds out and either Ianthe is like SWEET and immediately stabs Babs & ascends or Corona is like "sounds perfect Ianthe use me <3" and they have a giant blowup fight about it? the Fourth aren't in on the forming let's-kill-God conspiracy but know they're being left out of Something and start snooping around and get into trouble?

also I have no idea what the Second think/do about any of this but presumably Judith at least doesn't react… well? especially to the bit where it turns out God is Just Some Guy and does things like [whatever Cytherea's petty grievance of choice à la eating peanuts in Cohort admiralty meetings would be], though, also, you know, all the Lyctorhood stuff and so on.

Also I'm kind of assuming that the Fifth & Ninth are told what's up pretty quickly & that goes reasonably??? smoothly?? but like. there's an awful lot of wiggle room in ''reasonably'' there, so who knows what's going down with Gideon and Harrow the whole time but presumably it is at LEAST rivaling canon in terms of being an absolute goddamn mess

I Just Think It Would Be Fun

Actually, maybe the Fifth (as clearly pretty reasonable adults here to start with, and as Team Let's Kill God quickly learns‚ a historian and her husband who were definitely about to figure Cyth out anyway) are told, but not the Ninth for a bit, if only bc Harrow is impossible to get ahold of and Gideon's got that whole vow of silence deal, and it's only after the whole thing where Harrow nearly gets herself killed working alone that the Sixth & whoever else finds her actually get the chance to be like "hey so we know you're hyper-catholic death cultists but have you ever thought about whether god sucks and we should kill him?"

…Cue Harrow having something of a spiral (once in private) about how she's about to fail the Ninth for good bc she can't become a Lyctor now so her entire existence is a war crime and all for nothing and the Ninth House will die with her (possibly cue the confession to gideon abt the 200 dead children etc), and also wondering what will happen to the Tomb and the Body if they actually do try to kill God

(to be clear she obviously does sign on to try to kill god she just needs time to have an existential crisis about the ninth first. she also probably has something along the lines of her end-of-Nt9 "well i'm still catholic but i guess i'm going to have to search the universe for god now" bc apparently john is not the god she believes in! but again, existential crisis time first)

and on a completely unrelated note I have no idea when Cytherea gets around to mentioning she happens to know Gideon's dad but uh. she sure does figure that out the moment she gets the sunglasses off which presumably still happens at some point even if it's delayed by, you know, all the everything else.

…ofc this does leave open the possibility that Harrow spends much of the story trying not to think about how she's pretty sure she's going to lose her best-swordswoman-the-Ninth-has-ever-had cavalier to Cytherea the First and gradually losing her mind about it

anyway i have no idea where things go from there except that presumably at some point John does turn up to meet "his" many new perfect Lyctors* and also Cytherea, and finds out (sooner or later) that most of "his" new saints are in fact already very much committed to the idea that it's time for the Emperor Undying to lose that prefix.

(*and the teens, and possibly new imperfect Lyctor Ianthe & absolutely furious Coronabeth depending on how that went down, and possibly some other non-Lyctors depending on whether anyone rejected the whole idea (the Eighth, maybe?), but y'know, getting to the point. also it sounded better)

also if anyone actually bothered reading this whole thing i'll link the various posts that inspired this in a reblog!! credit where it's due, a lot of this is very much Other People's Ideas that got squished together in my head

[canwriteitbetterthanueverfeltit]

just got back from our very first vacation as a family that wasn't just visiting family <5 hours away and also our only time flying or leaving the country together, which was my first time ever having to plan an entire vacation (and for 5 people, who gave me very little input 😬) YESTERDAY... and I'm trying really hard to convince myself to not start planning next year's

[unopenablebox]

doing evil behaviors (looking up different methods of engagement ring sourcing to try to identify the most ethical one)

[toadlessgirl]

This afternoon I found a really cute Dear Santa letter where a mom transcribed her four-year-old son's imaginary phone call to Santa - full of such important Christmas-related information as his mamma's name is "just mamma" and "All our bees are dead."

One six hour research rabbit hole later - and I just listened to a recording of the same little boy making a phone call 60 years later. This one was to Richard Nixon.

[milksnake-tea]

why is it that in every little world story universe thing i make there always has to be at least one hot man with long white/silver hair

[seagullcharmer]

hm. working on my map of lorule. need to figure out some things......

[arthur-r]

as usual i am up late into the night planning my future when i should be: getting a good nights sleep so that i even have a future!!