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gch1995 · 3 years ago

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Is it just me or is what obi wan did to anakin on mustafar something what sidious what do, even though sidious is way worse than obi wan (although obi wan has flaws even though he is one of my favorite Star Wars characters) still palpatine loves to torture people especially in the comics instead of going for the quick kill like Vader even if obi wan didn’t mean to purposefully do it he basically tortured anakin letting him burn like that, should’ve just captured/killed anakin

That scene on Mustafar where Obi-Wan uses Padme as bait to try to lure him into a trap to kill without her consent, eggs on Anakin into a fight, even when he tries to say he doesn’t want to fight him before, cuts off Anakin’s limbs, and then leaves him to burn to a crisp, while self-righteously lecturing him about failing, were absolutely exceedingly aggressive, brutal, deceitful, and manipulative methods that are supposed to be more typical of Sith than Jedi.

Obi-Wan’s a very cut-throat ambitious, hypocritical, manipulative, self-serving, and vain bastard. He’s definitely that colleague and toxic friend who would only ever have your back if it wasn’t an inconvenience to them, somehow eased their own guilt and/or made them feel better about themselves, only to immediately turn around and stab you in the back when the boss offered them a promotion to do it, or the cool kids offered them a spot in their clique for it.

“Oh, I loved my master Qui Gonn so much that I’ll try to honor his dying wish by taking on Anakin as a padawan against the Council’s wishes, but I’m also going to spit on that Master’s grave by deliberately disregarding his advice and teachings of being more independent and open-minded as a Jedi by instead being the exceedingly avoidant, close-minded, and ass-kissing Jedi™️ that Yoda and the Council expect me to be instead because Qui Gonn being more curious, independent, and open-minded never got him Yoda’s and the Council’s approval or a seat on the Council as a master. Kissing Yoda’s ass and blindly towing the party line of their cult from here on out, though, will get me Yoda’s and the Council’s approval, and a seat on their Council, even if it means dishonoring my deceased master’s approach to teaching by throwing Anakin, Ahsoka, Padme, and everyone else I care about under the bus every time doing so gives me a chance to earn Yoda’s and the Council’s recognition.”

“Anakin, revenge is not the Jedi way, but it’s perfectly okay for me to egg on enemies and opponents in to duels every time by being exceedingly aggressive and defensive in combat, even if they back off, hesitate, freeze, or surrender first. Revenge is not the Jedi way, but it’s perfectly okay for me to chop off your limbs and leave you to burn alive in agony, while self-righteously lecturing you about failing from ‘the high ground’. “

“Also, after Yoda and I found out about your survival on Mustafar, we spent the next 19 or so years plotting and then attempting to use one of your offspring to kill off the monster of a man we helped influence you to become in the first place because we’re too cowardly to deal with you ourselves.”

You also notice how Obi-Wan and Yoda never once tell Luke to defeat both Darth Vader and the Emperor too? I’m not arguing with the fact that objectively speaking, there were completely valid reasons that many people throughout the galaxy had to hate Darth Vader and want him killed for self-defense or justice at that point in the series.

I say this as an Anakin/Vader stan who also has a lot of sympathy for him, considering the fact that he seems to have CPTSD, a drug addiction to the force, and his entire life was also a never ending hell of abuse, compromised agency, exploitation, and oppression under corrupt authority. I don’t think he’s wholly innocent because he’s committed crimes without the prompting of those corrupt authority figures, too, he still had a conscience, and he did stop trying after going dark. However, those with positions of authority in the Jedi and Republic of his time had already fucked themselves over long before either he or even Palpatine came into the picture, and he definitely wasn’t given a strong opportunity to ever safely and reasonably escape this fate of corruption, considering just how much every authority figure in his life was an abusive, corrupt, hypocritical, manipulative, and oppressive asshole themselves in one way or another, except for his mother, who the Jedi and Republic left in slavery and chaos on Tatooine, only to never let them keep in touch.

Nonetheless, that still doesn’t excuse the fact that Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader murdered millions of people throughout the galaxy in cold blood for a little over two decades, and even before that, he wasn’t an innocent in his adulthood either. I can completely understand why his victims would hate him, and I can completely understand the validity of people thinking that the galaxy would be a safer place without him than with him by the time we got to A New Hope.

Still, there’s also the fact that, Obi-Wan and Yoda don’t seem nearly as concerned about the well-being of the galaxy as they claim to be to Luke in their quest to use him to kill their former student who they deliberately deceive him about. They know that Emperor Palpatine is the creator and heart of the Empire. They know he deceived and manipulated them all for years, particularly Anakin Skywalker. Yet, they aren’t really interested in destroying the Empire in and of itself in their quest for Luke. Obi-Wan and Yoda want to use him to clean up the mess they helped create with his father and ran away from.

If it were really as much as about the well-being of the galaxy as they claimed, then they would instruct for Luke to kill the Emperor too and be doing their best to fight with him by his side if they could. Obi-Wan and Yoda are deceiving and manipulating Luke to kill Vader to try to absolve themselves more than anything, so they were being rather selfish, even if subconsciously.

I’m not saying the entire Order and Republic deserved mass murder or that they’re responsible for all of Anakin’s crimes. However, he was able to feel desperate enough to go dark in the first place, not just because of Palpatine, but also because of Obi-Wan’s, Yoda’s, and the Council’s abusive, exploitative, hypocritical, and oppressive system and their emotional neglect. He had some experience with what it meant to react and be treated like a normal person outside of their cult, and Obi-Wan and the Council couldn’t adjust, so they made him the problem instead. His mother had taught him that abuse, emotional/individual denial, and slavery were wrong, but suddenly he was thrust into these broken systems where those things he got taught were wrong as a young child by his mother were labeled as “kind,” “selfless,” and “for the greater good” by those with positions of authority over him in those screwed up systems, so he regressed to a state of moral confusion and excessive deference/slave mindset in regards to corrupt authority and loved ones emotionally/psychologically in the Jedi Order/Republic and Empire/Sith out of fear of loss and the unknown until he broke as a result.

Just in general, most of the adults in the Jedi and Republic of the prequels are essentially a watered down version of their enemies. They have many of the same traits as their enemies. They’re controlling, and exceedingly hostile and distrustful towards enemies and outsiders. They’re just tamer. At best, they’re indifferent towards their own working class and the people of the outer rims, and at worst they’re enablers and/or perpetrators of “necessary” systematic abuse, crime, and oppression. They’re not above creating and enabling “necessary” collateral damage by deceiving, endangering, and manipulating others for their own “greater good” that’s safer than doing the right thing.

However, the old Jedi and Republic were more stable and better at living in denial of how much they sucked, while the Sith and Empire are just a more aggressive, hostile, obsessive, vengeful, and unfiltered version of what many of them were already proving themselves to be in the prequels, even before Palpatine got involved.

Aside from a few notable exceptions of Jedi who were actually heroic because they were raised to be good people before they got involved with either the Jedi or the Sith, or got out of them before it was too late, such as Luke Skywalker (screw the Disney sequels and BoBF), Ezra Bridger, and some of the force sensitive Rebels, most of the Jedi we meet in the series are and/or grow up to become self-righteous assholes.

Anakin clearly did not only learn from Sidious how to be a manipulative and ruthless bastard with his enemies in combat. Obi-Wan taught him that too.

Even Anakin/Vader showed more mercy for Obi-Wan in their two duels after Mustafar, and he also obsessively sought vengeance against him for roughly two decades. Granted, I do think that, much like with Padme, Luke in the OT movies after finding out he was his son, and even Palpatine, Anakin’s deference, devotion to, and love in regards to people with positions of authority over him, causes he gets pressured to serve, and/or those he considers or once considered family and friends, his simultaneous obsession with getting revenge on Obi-Wan for what he did to him on Mustafar, while also being shockingly hesitant and reluctant to go through with it when he actually faces him off again goes back to all those traits of devotion, deference, and loyalty in regards to people he grows attached to acting as his Achilles Heel at worst and his most redeeming quality at best.

Yeah, he’ll fight them on the dark side, try to convince them to join him on the dark side, recklessly endanger and lash out at them in a blind rage, and he even killed Kenobi via voluntary manslaughter twenty years later when Kenobi invaded the Death Star and faced him off in A New Hope because he did nothing to fight him back and just stood there. However, in regards to the people he cares about or once cared about, I don’t really think revelry for harming them or killing them is really there.

In regards to Obi-Wan, the desire for vengeance is more complex. On the surface, I think he is definitely angry with Obi-Wan for what he did to him on Mustafar and his mistreatment of him in the Jedi Order, but I also don’t think Anakin’s/Vader’s heart is in it nearly as much as he convinces himself it is. There is no revelry in him for killing Obi-Wan in A New Hope, just shock and solemnity, because deep down a part of him never stopped loving his old master. He obsesses over hunting down Obi-Wan to try to gain vengeance for ten years after RotS, but then still can’t bring himself to burn Obi-Wan alive and actually lets him get away.

I think the people who claim it’s like “the Joker’s obsession with Batman” miss the whole point of Anakin Skywalker. Yeah, he’s committed many abominable crimes, his victims had every right to hate him, but he’s not a maniacal psychopath with no traces of genuine humanity in his heart either. He didn’t let Obi-Wan go because he loves the chase like the Joker does in regards to Batman. He let them go and/or takes no joy in harming and/or killing either Obi-Wan or anyone else he connects to because he still holds genuine affection for them, even if he denies it.

As for Obi-Wan, I do agree that he’s not ill-intended on the whole, nor does he doesn’t commit as many crimes as Anakin/Vader, Sidious, Maul, or the Sith. I also do recognize that his agency is at least partially compromised by being a victim of lifelong indoctrination in Yoda’s cult. However, I don’t think he was ever a particularly good person as an adult either. I think he was a lot more ambitious, hypocritical, manipulative, self-centered, vain, and surprisingly vicious in his desire for vengeance against enemies who personally wronged him than he was convinced. I do think he grew to genuinely care about Qui Gonn, Anakin, Luke, Leia, and Satine, but I also don’t think it was ever enough to outweigh his own desire to fit in and be seen as perfect by Yoda and the Council.

#anti obi wan kenobi #i don’t necessarily hate how he’s portrayed in canon as a generally well-meaning but incredibly selfish and hypocritical ass-kisser #but this whole thing of his fans portraying him as this blameless woobie who couldn’t have done better is just annoying #anti kenobists

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neon-junkie · 4 years ago

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It's OK to like villains, and liking them doesn't mean you support/'stan' them. Here's why:

I've seen the debate of 'liking a villain means you must support them,' and well, that's total nonsense. It's something that has appeared with newer, younger fandoms, usually circulating through minor fans and on social media such as TikTok. Liking a villain has never ever meant you support them, and I'm not sure where exactly this rubbish has come from, but I'm going to break it down and explain why enjoying a villain does not mean you support them.

Let's start off with the word 'stan', considering I see this word used the most. The original meaning of 'stan' was: 'a person who is an obsessive or stalker fan.'

The term comes from Eminem's song, Stan, where Stan is obsessed with Eminem, so much to the point that he kills himself and his pregnant girlfriend when Eminem doesn't reply to his letter fast enough.

The term stan soon changed to also mean: 'stanning someone can also mean supporting them, not just being an obsessive fan.' For example 'I stan X character' means ‘I support X character.’

Well, there are some characters you should definitely not stan/support, and villains are usually top of this list. Although, there are some villains out there with anti-hero and chaotic good intentions, Megamind for example, but the vast majority of villains should not be 'stanned.'

This is the thing - Very few people out there actually stan villains.

And here's another thing - You can like a villain without 'stanning' them

Like I mentioned before, stan culture is still relatively new, and it's impacted fandom culture both negatively and positively. Personally, I've only really seen the negative side of the impact, as I've always been a fan of villains. In the younger fandom days, people were free to enjoy characters they want, no matter who and what they are. You could say '

I like this villain,' and people would usually reply 'okay! I'm personally not a fan, but you're free to enjoy whatever fictional character you want.'

That was it, plain and simple. I guess everybody understood that the likelihood of you actually agreeing with that villains actions was little to none, but now that the phrase 'stan' is rising, it's replacing being a simple 'fan' of things, and is changing peoples viewpoints of what others enjoy in fiction.

Villain fans have always been around, and they always will, and like I said, little to none of them actually agree with what the villain is doing. Most of us enjoy the complexity, emotional depth, and layers to villains. A lot of us simply find these characters more attachable than the main ones, or we just find them hot... yeah, a lot of villains are hot - don't blame us for finding them attractive, blame the creator for making them attractive!

Some people also project their trauma and negative selves onto villains, and use their interest in these fictional characters as a method to cope. Most villains do have a tragic backstory, elements of which some of us can relate to, and it's okay to relate to a villain. We naturally show empathy, and it's hard to not latch onto a character who may have been through the same things we have, or been in similar situations that we've been in. They may have also reacted in ways that we wish we did, such as fighting back when in a harmful situation, or putting their foot down for once. So, it's hard not to project ourselves and our trauma onto them.

There's been many studies on why some people enjoy villains over the rest, here's a few perfect explanations behind the admiration:

"Aggressiveness, expressiveness, athleticism, excitability, and intelligence are another set of factors that seem to stand across romantic relationships as desirable or something we yearn for (Felmlee, 1995). These traits found in almost every villain. They have to be charismatic, aggressive, smart, and lively or else why would their followers choose to follow them? Loki from the Marvel universe reflects this as a humorous, upbeat, coy, charismatic villain which has lead to a massive social media following." - Socialcognition2019

"“When you are no longer uncomfortable with the comparison, there seems to be something alluring and enticing about having similarities with a villain,” explains Rucker. “For example, people who see themselves as tricky and chaotic may feel especially drawn to the character of The Joker in the Batman movies, while a person who shares Lord Voldemort’s intellect and ambition may feel more drawn to that character in the Harry Potter series,” said Krause." - zmescience

“A lot of us want to feel that freedom, feel that comfort being the bad guy. How many times at work have you had to be the bad guy, and absolutely hated doing it? Don’t you wish you could fire people or treat people horribly having to do your job without remorse? Don’t you wish that you could see, as much as others try to tell you, that what you’re doing is for the best? For me, that will be impossible because I’m too nice and too much of a pushover, but there’s a part of us that empathizes with the villain because in some sectors of life and of our relationships, we are the villain. Try being the tough parent when your spouse is too nice — your kid will see you as the bad guy. Try being the tough, no-nonsense boss when the other boss treats everyone like his or her friend and doesn’t hold people accountable. In one way or another, life will inevitably thrust us into those situations. We are both hero and villain, but we’re much more comfortable as the former than the latter. We’re much more praised for being kind than when we have to be tough, and that’s why, to me, villains are so compelling." - Medium

I wish I could copy and paste this entire article, but I'd recommend just reading it instead: Find yourself rooting for the bad guy? You're not alone - Digitalspy

Tumblr user Techousespeaks also did this fantastic explaintion: Is It Really Okay To Like Villains So Much?

Enjoying villains has always been a thing, and it always will be a thing.

There is NOTHING wrong with enjoying them, and in some cases, there is nothing wrong with 'stanning' them.

You are allowed to like fiction, especially dark fiction, or the darker sides of fiction.

And if anybody comes along and tells you that you're not allowed to like the bad guy then simply block them. Villain fans will always exist in every single fandom, and there's many of us per fandom. If the villain really wasn't meant to be liked, then the creators would announce that.

Enjoy whatever makes you happy.

An old fandom saying that still applies is 'come to the dark side, we have cookies!!‘ (and we really do) :)

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deans-haunted-baby · 5 years ago

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Okay I see there are those who are confused as to why most of us are pissed about 15x19 I will gladly explain in depth:

Let’s start off with our boys Adam Milligan & Michael. These characters have not been seen for 10 fucking years. During that time there were Adam stans like myself campaigning like mad to have him and the infamous archangel return for some much needed closure. We had to content ourselves with headcanons, fanfictions and metas based on what we briefly knew of Adam and Michael as people while they unfairly sat in Hell. You might have seen the “Adam’s Still in Hell” memes that circulated. WE WAITED OVER A DECADE FOR THIS. And finally SPN answers our prayers and returns these boys back into the story for the final season. None of us anticipated what their arc and dynamic would look like. Before we could only imagine who these two characters were/are after having been trapped in a cage so long; what their personalities would be like and if they’d be antagonistic to TFW. 15x08 was a surprise because not only were Adam and Michael likable right out of the gate but the writing for them and their dynamic was damn near flawless! And Jake fucking stole the show he killed it as these two. It’s a crime they were not featured in more episodes because the chemistry between these characters is amazing and they’re played by the same dude.

We were given so much background into both Adam and Michael’s psyches in just a short period of time. Their motivations, interests and how they viewed those that wronged them (like the Winchesters); how Hell affected/changed them both and how they viewed their families. We got to see them banter, cooperate with one another and most importantly their different personalities. With Jake Abel appearing in only a handful of SPN episodes, he still fleshed out Michael and Adam beautifully; giving them layers and complexities that most side-characters (who’ve appeared more times than they have) didn’t. The way Jake played Adam’s anger and resentment towards his brothers was brilliant because it’s more under the surface compared to his angsty teenage self in 5x18. He’d become somewhat restrained, laid-back, gentler and wiser which works because Adam displays traits similar to Sam and Dean. He’s kinder and has a sense of humor but none of that distracts from rational thought as he’s quick to analyze and dissect situations. Man, he would’ve made a great hunter/Men of Letters recruit. We know right off the bat Adam’s pissed at his brothers for abandoning him in a thousand-year-prison-sentence and didn’t lift a finger BUT that ironically doesn’t compromise his willingness to help them unlike his past self in 5x18. Jake gets the point across with this character without saying much and that’s what made him so compelling to watch in this episode.

Now Michael was even more of a mystery onion since he wasn’t onscreen as much as Adam had been in past episodes so Jake got to really build on top of this character. Going from the uptight, cold-blooded merciless celestial warrior/dutiful son of God we saw in 5x22 to someone whom despite his arrogance and regal princely demeanor was very human, intelligent, fair, mindful and compassionate. He trusted Adam and respected his opinions even if he didn’t agree 100%. Whereas most angels take over the vessel completely from their original occupant; Michael chooses to share his vessel with Adam as a mutual agreement which says a lot about who he is. He’s fascinated with humanity and wanted to explore it instead of returning to his throne in the clouds. We know that Michael was created specifically to be Humanity’s protector and guardian of Heaven and Earth so these quirks he’d demonstrated in 15x08 aren’t too far off. He holds a lot of pain inside from his abandonment issues with his father whom he loves to a fault and grief over the death of his brothers. On the surface there’s very much an abused child syndrome thing going on with him though he masks it with a domineering presence. And above all this we saw that he was capable of forgiveness. Whether or not Michael always had these traits inside to begin with, its very evident that his friendship with Adam influenced the person he became post-Hell. And that was someone who, like Castiel, chose to rebel for the sake of free will by aligning himself with the Winchesters after witnessing the evil his father had committed. He actually cared about saving the world. This is what we call character development.

What does 15x19 do? It shits all over that. We don’t get to see Adam and Michael’s dynamic at all; and this was perhaps one of (if not the first) most healthy portrayal of a relationship between an angel and its original vessel occupant in the history of Supernatural. Adam is just killed off-screen Thanos style without so much as one last word and Michael barely reacts like he gives a crap. It was just established to us in 15x08 that he’d developed an emotional bond with Adam through years of inhabiting the same body. He protected Adam while they were trapped together in Hell. They were each other’s only friend and source of comfort. They’d developed a certain co-dependency on each other while respecting one another’s space. They’d both made peace with their joint situation. All they had was each other and the writing in 15x19 basically tells us their relationship meant absolutely NOTHING to Michael based on his OOC actions in this episode. He shows up much darker and shadier now that Adam is gone and its like all those years of friendship, things like that independence, newfound strength and humility he’d gained from living with a human for so long are erased. Michael just reverts back to Chuck’s 5x22 bitchboy persona in the most ridiculous 180 shift I’ve ever seen in my whole damn life. And all because his little brother called him mean names. Pitiful. Just when he lectures Lucifer about standing up for what’s right; he betrays his own words, his allies and the rest of humanity in T-minus 2 minutes. That is total character assassination. Nothing about this motivation makes any sense.

There’s no build up to it, no foreshadowing in 15x08 or throughout 15x19 until they get to the lake. He’s completely deconstructed as a character in this episode and rendered weak. It’s like 15x08 never happened. Stripped of all his development for lousy shock value. Instead utilizing all of what he’d learned through Adam and sticking it to Lucifer by proving he could be more than what Chuck tried to mold him into; Michael becomes just another NPC in the story forfeiting the hero he was. And his reasons for siding with Chuck are never specified. Was it about about saving Adam? Was it about proving something to Lucifer (whom he’d already killed in anti-climatic fashion)? Was it all an act that he was in on with the Winchesters; cause there’s absolutely NO FUCKING WAY they could’ve predicted he’d flip on them like that for their magical plan to work. Not after everything Chuck’s done, killing Adam and Jack and leaving Michael to rot in Hell for eternity. And why would he suddenly go along with destroying the Earth when defeating Chuck would probably get Adam back (if that was his goal) which IT DID not to mention its his sworn duty to freaking protect humanity, hello? So his betrayal meant jack shit in the end as it got him killed by his fucking dad!! He’s brought back into the show only to be ruined forever and killed off in the stupidest fashion.

Moving on.

Jack Kline & Castiel. This iron-clad relationship has been in development for 4 in 1/2 years since before Jack was even born. And next to Adam & Michael its the other most healthy relationship on the show. Castiel, a million year old celestial being, spent the first 9 years of his arc on Supernatural following around the Winchesters, being torn between his loyalty to them and to Heaven. He rebelled when he was supposed to be a straight-by-the-book warrior of God. And he defied every rule in the process even when the odds were stacked against him. There was an endless rinse and repeat cycle of love, loss, betrayal and redemption when it came to his relationship with Sam and Dean. It made his character complex, interesting and layered but it still didn’t give him an arc that was his own. Castiel started out moreso being written as just the Winchester’s angel BFF/side-kick. Until Lucifer got Kelly Kline pregnant in 12x08 then things really took off. Before this, Castiel was a lost soul. His faith was broken, he was depressed, lonely, battered and rundown from years of being conflicted over the other angels and Sam & Dean. He felt he’d lost a sense of self and meaning in his life. And didn’t have a mission. Once he turned on Heaven’s orders, Castiel was a rebel angel without a cause so to speak. But like I said this changes the moment he meets Kelly.

Originally Castiel was suppose to kill Kelly in 12x19 because she was carrying the child of the devil and Nephilim are considered forbidden abominations. Told that if Lucifer’s kid was born he could unleash even more evil into the world. But instead of doing what he thought he should, Castiel decides to runaway with her. Choosing to protect her from all threats (Lucifer, demons, other angels, princes of Hell); this especially included the Winchesters. During this short time-frame the angel develops a strong, emotional bond with Kelly and her unborn son that stretches all the way to the S12 finale; to the point where it actually gave him a power-boost. From the womb, Jack appoints Castiel to be his father and protector and he’s given a glimpse into the child’s destiny that he’ll bring paradise to the world. A prophecy that the writers establish head on. This is an unusual circumstance because right here is where Castiel’s solo arc apart from the Sam & Dean takes shape. The journey of becoming a first time parent and guardian. Its a new kind of independence that for the first time has nothing to do with his friends or his family members/colleagues in the sky. Its his own personal mission that he willingly accepts, the second he connects with Jack from inside Kelly. Castiel immediately falls in love with him, before they even see each other; and adopts the boy devoting himself to keeping him safe. Making a promise to Kelly that would later become a vital plot-point in the seasons to come.

Castiel literally risks everything (Heaven and Earth) to ensure Jack’s birth and ends up dead by 12x23′s startling conclusion. Leaving the newborn infant Nephilim alone in the care of the Winchesters going into season 13; scared, confused and aged into a seemingly 18 year old boy for his own protection. And Alexander Calvert who is a fantastic addition to the cast really brings something wonderful to this role; he’s like a breath of fresh air and a bright light in the middle of a dark room. Jack’s naïve, innocent and curious about his surroundings but also as Castiel once put it “remarkably intuitive”. Right when he’s introduced his arc is intentionally paralleled with Castiel’s. Their alien-fish-out-of-water beginning is practically identical as is their adorable stoic facial expressions. Like father like son. And this helps because while the angel is currently dead in the beginning of season 13, there’s an empty void he’s left behind. So Jack is kind of his temporary stand-in. Odd enough this type of switcharoo would’ve been considered very controversial but it’s handled quite well. Alex is so likable and charming I almost wish Supernatural had introduced him sooner. I mean I really thought I was looking at Castiel’s actual mini-me and not the son of Satan. But I digress Jack’s story in the first half of this season is pretty much about discovery and reuniting with Castiel. He’s a baby so everything is new to him but he’s also one of the most powerful beings in the universe destined for greatness which makes the Winchesters very nervous.

Jack remembers choosing Castiel as his dad which is why he already feels strongly connected to him. Its a bond so powerful that it actually resurrects Castiel out of the Empty the first time. Something Chuck himself was unable to do (that was until the mess that is 15x19). When they’re finally reunited the payoff comes so naturally. Misha and Alex have such a phenomenal onscreen chemistry starting with that first hug; they really play off one another so well that it doesn’t feel like two angels interacting but a genuine father and son duo. So much of what makes Jack and Castiel’s relationship so relatable, deep and endearing is because of what the actors bring to it. But they’re not just a fascinating relationship, they’re compelling on their own too. Both trying to find their way in the world and within the Winchesters’ lives. Death is no stranger to either of them (tragic being that Jack is only a toddler). They’ve each experienced their own personal pain, traumas, life lessons, mistakes and decisions. The biggest for Castiel would be his deal with the Empty to save Jack in 14x08. While for Jack it was the consequences of said deal that would lose his soul causing him to accidently kill Sam and Dean’s mom in 14x18 as a result (something that Jack struggles with immensely to the brink of depression from so much guilt and regret that he’d rather die). Repercussions that would follow into the shows final season. What’s interesting about this deal though is that Castiel made it on parental instinct alone not as a promise to Kelly. He chose to sacrifice himself for the sake of his son as a selfless act of love and kept it a secret from Sam & Dean until his death in 15x18. That’s the extent how much this child meant to him. The other great thing about their family dynamic is that it parallels nicely with the Winchesters. Castiel and Jack share this unconditional love that can never be broken. its even greater than their ties to the Winchesters themselves just as Sam & Dean’s love for each other is greater than any of their other relationships. They would do anything for each other. Castiel would go to the ends of the earth for the little nougat baby because that’s his son.

Each time these characters were faced with danger or died, Castiel and Jack were overcome with extreme devastation and distress. That said its not just pain that binds these two its happiness. Jack is the best thing that ever happened to Castiel. Literally becoming a father to that child saved him. It brought him back to life, restored his faith and gave him a sense of self-worth and hope he’d long since abandoned. And for Jack, Castiel is the best dad he’ll ever have! He gave this baby comfort, wisdom, nurturing, strength. Was always there when he needed him whether it was to talk or to have his back. No other person in Jack’s life has ever made such an important impact nor made him feel more safe and loved than Castiel. Even when Jack had done such a horrible thing to Mary alienating himself from his family; it was Castiel’s unyielding devotion to Jack that ended up being his salvation. This was huge because once again he’d chosen over the Winchesters proving that no matter what (whether it be the world ending) his son comes first. So when Castiel’s pact with the Empty finally comes due in 15x18 you’d think it’d have an earth-shattering affect on Jack in 15x19. I mean for the first bit it does...until he becomes God. Then its like to hell with that relationship. Castiel is a complete afterthought to Jack and the rest of TFW in this episode. JACK DOESN’T EVEN GET TO GRIEVE HIM PROPERLY. And he just lost his dad because of a deal he’d made a year ago for him. A DEAL JACK HAS BEEN FUCKING DREADING WHILE HE WAS SOULLESS MIND YOU. And when he finally has the power to bring him back, he doesn’t? Jack just walks around with a conceited smirk on his face, bids Sam and Dean adieu and fucks off. I mean who gives a shit right, its only your dad that you love more than anything. This was extremely OOC given that time in 14x14 Jack nearly lost his shit when Castiel got infected with gorgon poison; the anti-venom wasn’t working so Jack resorts to using his powers putting his soul at risk.

I mean if he was so limited to helping Castiel in the Empty AT LEAST FREAKING CLARIFIY THIS TO THE AUDIENCE. This is not about shipping a certain pairing btw. Jack becoming God is not the issue its his characterization after the fact. His first instinct would’ve been to save his dad above getting in touch with the Earth. Yes we knew this transformation was coming it was foreshowed way back in Season 12. Does that justify bad writing or character assassination?? HELL NO.

This is what I’m talking about, episode 15x19 deliberately butchers these characters and their relationships. It shat all over them. No one is behaving like themselves. The pacing is wonky and inconstant. The script feels like it underwent several rewrites and I swear there were scenes cut out. The acting is off too and maybe the pandemic could be blamed for these things but it ultimately falls on the writer. Buckleming screwed up by showing us they don’t know who the hell these characters are, their motivations nor do they give a rat’s ass. And its noticeable on screen. I’ve known better fanfiction writers for SPN than these guys. It’s like they all came back to work but just didn’t care to put the effort into it. That’s why people like me are upset and we have every freaking right to be. Some of us have been with this series for the entire 15 year run. I at least expect these characters to be handled better and for things to make sense. 15x19 doesn’t and its not satisfying its just a cruel joke. The writers and Dabb should be embarrassed to have put this out there thinking we’d just swallow it and shut up. But far as I’m concerned the only thing this episode serves is to disrespect and ruin everybody while angering long-time fans.

MICHAEL. ADAM MILLIGAN. JACK KLINE AND CASTIEL DESERVED BETTER. And that’s the tea.

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pipipinyyy · 4 years ago

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Explaining why I have added every song in my entire and very long Niragi playlist because I can and because over analyzing him is my passion (I usually update it from time to time but I'll do it with the current songs)

Completely self indulgent post, but I decided to share to feed my fellow Niragi stans (*˙︶˙*)☆*°

This is entirely based on my view of the songs and how I interpret them while thinking about Niragi. I'm aware that most of them have entirely different meanings, this is just for fun :) (Also sorry if my explanations don't make much sense, English is not my first language and I might make mistakes when trying to put my feelings and thoughts into words)

This may contain manga/s2 spoilers

Hayloft-Mother Mother: Vibes

Criminal-Britney Spears: The whole song describes him ("he is a sucker with a gun") and the fandom's obsession ("mama I'm in love with a criminal")

Daddy Issues-The Neighborhood: I feel like he would act like this, using the most vulnerable spots to pick on someone ("cry little girl, nobody does it like you do")

Psycho-Jin Dogg, OVER KILL: Vibes

Riot-Hollywood Undead: He'd definitely start a riot like he did in the 10 of hearts, burning and destroying anything that crosses his path

Bitches-Mindless Self Indulgence: He most likely thinks he's a total fuckboy and popular with girls since he can get almost anything he wants out of scarying people

Baby's on Fire-Die Antwoord: Vibes

Insane in the Brain-Cypress Hill: This man is being consumed by his own way of protecting himself

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing-Set It Off: Based on how he feels towards the people who hurt him in the past ("Listen, mark my words, one day, you will pay" "You've always been a huge piece of shit, if I could kill you, I would" "Karma is gonna come collect your debt")

Death no more-IC3PEAK: Vibes

Gasoline-I Prevail: Sort of similar to Riot, ("So burn it all down, burn it all down, I don't give a fuck")

Toxic-Britney Spears: The whole fandom knows how much of a piece of shit this dude can be, but we still find ourselves liking/enjoying his character (to an extent), a toxic addiction

Nice Guy-GRLwood: As much as I love this man, he'd use the "I'm a nice guy c'mon" card just to fuck. If he wants to, he'll get it, if he doesn't, he'll most likely get mad

Dernière danse-Indila: Vibes

TRRST-IC3PEAK: Mostly vibes, I kinda see this song as how he felt the first time he killed someone on purpose inside the borderlands ("mama they say I'm a terrorist, I did nothing wrong but I got on the blacklist")

Saint Bernard-Lincoln: Vibes

Nowhere To Run-Stegosaurus Rex: Being with him at the Beach would either be ignoring each other completely or a game of tag, no inbetween. If this man wants to kill you, he'll get his fun time out of it as well ("You're gonna die, I'm gonna kill you")

The House of Wolves-Bring Me The Horizon: Based on how he sees life after being consumed by his current mental state ("Show me a sign, show me a reason to give a solitary fuck about your god damn beliefs" "What you call faith, I call a sorry excuse")

Smells Blood-Kensuke Ushio: Vibes

SIU-Maretu: Similar to Daddy Issues, don't expect this man to be a therapist. If he sees anyone crying or panicking in or outside a game, he'd most likely tell them to suck it up, just like this song.

Judgement-Kensuke Ushio: Vibes

MONSTER ENERGY GUN!-KevinKempt: Vibes + He for sure has an energy drink addiction, specially pre-borderlands

HURT-1 800 PAIN: Vibes

Fear Is The Mind Killer-Zheani: Vibes

I Bet on Losing Dogs: Based on how I know Niragi is toxic, and most likely unsaveable of his deteriorating mental state, but I still have him as my biggest comfort character ("I bet on losing dogs, I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place")

Emo Boy-Ayesha Erotica: He's been in an emo phase (and maybe still is), the lyrics are pretty self explanatory, they describe us Niragi simps perfecrly ("come on fuck me emo boy")

Crybaby-Destroy Boys: Vibes

The Fox's Wedding-MASA Works DESIGEN: Vibes

You're a useless child-Kikuo: We don't know much about his past, but judging by the unstoppable bullying he's suffered, his parents didn't care about him, or were straight up absent. He's been insulted by pretty much everyone in his past to the point of believing it and telling those things to himself ("You're a useless child, the most useless child in this world" "Drool in snot, dandruff, shit and piss" "I'm a useless child" "Nobody will save me" "I'm a lonely kid")

Take A Slice-Glass Animals: Vibes

Fighting With The Melody-Jimmy Urine: Vibes

Comics-Caravan Palace: Vibes

Rhinestone Eyes-Gorillaz: Vibes

Butch 4 Butch-Rio Romero: Mostly vibes, sort of how I think the most "peacefull" moments in a relationship with him would feel like, kind of bittersweet feeling

Suki Suki Daisuki-Jun Togawa: Yandere Niragi. If he's interested in someone, he'd go through an obsessive phase, most likely forcing the other person to "love" him. This man is so confused about the feeling of love that he's unable to tell when he loves someone or when he's obsessed with them due to his lack of attention ("Like you, like you, I love you. Say you love me or I'll kill you")

:(-The Garden: Vibes

Kitty City-Cyriak Harris: Vibes

Blood-My Chemical Romance: If Niragi went to a therapist, he'd act like this song, with his signature cocky and sarcastic personality (at least before he gets better) ("I can't control myself because I don't know how" "They can fix me proper with a bit of luck" "I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love")

A Mask of My Own Face-Lemon Demon: He feels like he needs to protect himself or else he will get hurt inside the borderlands by others again. He uses another personality, a completely ruthless one, even if he doesn't like it and hates himself for it, he doesn't see another way to deal with his fear, allowing his "new self" to consume himself. ("I'd wear that mask of my own face" "I look into my eyeholes and what do I see? A handsome motherfucker motherfucking looking back at me")

I'm a Murderer-Freddie Dredd: Mostly vibes ("I'm a motherfucking murderer")

'Cause I'm a Liar-Mcki Robyns-P: He would lie just for fun even in serious situations. If he needs to manipulate someone to survive, he'll do it his way, after all, he doesn't care anymore, he just seeks for excitement. ("Without emotion, without devotion. It's much easier to fake something happy")

I Disagree-Poppy: I don't know exactly how to describe it, but I feel like this is how he sees and feels the world and those around him, feeling misunderstood and going his own way ("If only all of you could see the world I see, then maybe everyone could live in harmony")

Personal Jesus-Mindless Self Indulgence: He has a superiority complex, that's for sure. I don't think he sees himself as a god, but I see him joking about it

Rainbow Factory-GLAZE, WoodenToaster: Vibes

Frontier Psychiatrist-The Avalanches: I kinda see this as Aguni taking the role of Niragi's "father figure" inside the borderlands, realizing he's turning insane and is unable to control him ("That boy needs therapy")

Hate it. Hate it. "JIGAHIDAI!"-WADATAKEAKI Kurage P: Jealousy. I can see it either in a pre-borderland situation where he hates the popular students in school, or inside the borderlands hating both Chishiya and Arisu. Jealousy takes over him constructing a big ego, causing himself to develop his superiority complex ("You see, I hate that popular girl!" "Does she think I don't notice? How she looks at me as if I'm trash" "I want to be praised" "I'm different from you all, I have my own ego! I'm not a side character" "I have zero common sense. I'm special")

Villain-Stella Jang: He knows damn well he's a villain, that's his goal after all, but what if someone took his point of view? wouldn't the villains be all of those who hurted him in the first place? ("We all pretend to be the heroes on the good side, but what if we are the villains on the other")

Violent-carolesdaughter: This is how I view an argument inside a relationship with Niragi. He's used to violence, to cause fear, and getting what he wants, so being in a healthy relationship would require a lot of patience and strenght. While he's getting better and suppressing those violent actions, there will be times where he accidentally uses violence or threatens the other person unintentionally, mostly hurting himself and his partner psychologically. The lyrics change between both points of view ("Don't make me get violent, I want my ring back baby that's a diamond" "She knows I'm a wreck" "I gave you all my trust and I told you just don't break it")

Hey Bunny-Baby Bugs: Based on how I think it would feel to partner up with him inside the borderlands and catching feelings for him while knowing the huge mess he is ("Hey bunny, what's with those evil eyes?" "Hey bunny, what the hell is wrong with us?" "Hey bunny, what if I loose you too? If I become the monster, together we can always be blue")

Kokoronashi-majiko: I'm pretty sure Niragi isn't able to see himself as someone able to love, even if he doesn't want to be alone (just like when he confesses this feeling while fighting with Chishiya and Arisu). If someone truly loved him and was willing to not letting him go, it would hurt. He can't see himself as someone who can love or be loved, so he can't accept the love he's seeking for in case that turns him "weaker" making his true self confront with the protective mean personality he's created. He could learn how to accept it, so he might want the other person to stay in the end, but it wouldn't be easy for him to accept it ("It's awful, I'd rather you destroy my body, tear it to sheds, do as you please" "No matter how much I'm loved by you, my heart is just one" "I don't know this, don't leave me alone")

Nightmare Parade-FAKE TYPE.: Vibes

Slipping Through My Fingers-Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfried: Niragi seeing himself loosing his young, gentle and caring personality due to his fear, being unable to control what's happening inside, nostalgia and sadness kicking in ("The feeling that I'm loosing her forever" "That funny little girl" "Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture and save it from the funny tricks of time")

Kuroneko No Tango-Pink Martini, The Von Trapps: Vibes

YKWIM?-Yot Club: Him confroting his feelings of loneliness when he's left alone with his thoughts ("It feels like I care too much when I'm alone, oh no")

Romantic Lover-Eyedress: Just appreciating his physical appearance ("She's a killer, I love her features")

Wrecking Ball-Mother Mother: Based on how he sees himself as someone who needs to destroy everything in a way or another in order to be powerful + the fun he has with it ("Call me a reckless wrecking ball" "Let's break it just because we can")

Edge-Rezz: Vibes

Freaks-Surf Curse: Again, confronting feelings when loving someone, but not in such a painful as Kokoronashi ("I need a place to stay where I can cover up my face" "Don't cry, I'm just a freak")

Little Bit-Lykke Li: Vibes

6up 5oh Cop-Out (Pro/Con)-Will Wood and the Tapeworms: Vibes

PHONKY TOWN-PlayaPhonk: Vibes

I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE-Måneskin: Freaky time. He would absolutely love this song, definitely his type of thing ("You could be the beauty and I could be the monster" "I wanna touch your body so fucking electric" "I wanna make you hungry, then I wanna feed you")

#BrooklynBloodPop!-SyKo: Vibes

A Cold Freezin' Night-The Books: Vibes

A Pearl-Mitski: My most favorite song to associate with Niragi. Represents his evolution as a character. Creating an scenario where he is loved by someone,he rejects it at first, acting tough ("I don't want your touch") and then proceeds to explain why ("It's just that I fell in love with a war, nobody told me it ended" "it left a pearl in my hand and I roll it around every night just to watch it glow") the war being the borderlands and his new personality, he loved it, but nobody drew a line and it's getting out of hand. The pearl is the feeling of power, the one he has to remember when feeling weak just to feel something. At the end of the song it changes to ("Sorry I can't take your touch"), realizing that he wants love, but he's not able to take it or else he'll become the Niragi from the past

Problematic-Bo Burnham: Him acknowledging his problematic actions but not wanting to apologize because he doesn't feel the need to. He knows he's done bad things but he is going to laugh at it and be a sarcastic mf about it

First Love/Late Spring-Mitski: Similar to Kokoronashi, he wouldn't be able to accept love and how it makes him feel. He would think that he prefers for everyone to hate him and be lonely instead of sacrificing his tougher side. Also talks about how he's grown way too quickly for him to understand feelings properly ("So please hurry leave me, I can't breathe, please don't say you love me" "One word from you and I would jump out of this ledge I'm on baby" "I was so young when I behaved 25, yet now I find I've grown into a tough child"

The Other Side Of Paradise-Glass Animals: Vibes

Bodybag-Chloe Moriondo: How I feel about liking his character, confronting feelings basically ("Don't know if I hate you or if I wanna date you" "I don't wanna like you, I just wanna tie you up, then keep you in a cage and watch you sleep for ages"

Get Into It (Yuh)-Doja Cat: Vibes

Psycho Killer-2005 Remaster- Talking Heads: Vibes

HOT DEMON B!TCHES NEAR U!!!-CORPSE, Night Lovell: Vibes

INFERNO-Sub Urban, Bella Poarch: Again, another song that describes him pretty well ("Baby I'm the reason why hell's so hot" "Terribly like terrible, she's a villain" "Think I'm getting butterflies but it's really something telling me to run away")

Bad Morning-Omori: Vibes

Trouble Brewing: Vibes

Dueles Tan Bien-Bruses: Another song about my confronting feelings with this man ("You know what? You taste better than alcohol to me. You know that and you've got control" "Because you hurt, and you hurt so good that I don't know what to do")

And that's it!! This took me the whole day to write but it makes me very happy to be able to share it :)

I've you've read the entire thing, hope you enjoyed the character analysis! ლ(◞‿◟ლ)

#Spotify #imawa no kuni no alice #alice in borderland #alice in borderland netflix #niragi #niragi suguru #suguru niragi #character playlist #aib niragi #aib #overanalyzing niragi is my favorite hobby

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alesreadings · 4 years ago

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Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo.

5 stars.

“No mourners. No funerals. Among them, it passed for 'good luck.” If we added as soundtrack Gimme Gimme by ABBA to this book, it would fit. Can y'all imagine Inej, Jesper and Wylan stealing the tank and running away with that song on the background? Masterpiece. *chef kiss* Six of Crows is by far one of my favorite books. I read it two years ago, after the Grisha trilogy and I have to admit that Leigh Bardugo has improved tremendously as a writer. I consider this a much better story than her main trilogy. The plot, the characters, the writing, the pacing, the descriptions, the worldbuilding and the breadth she has given it is perfection. I'll go in order to describe how much I loved this book. In Six of Crows, we follow six misfits who have a common goal: thirty million kruge. They have to go to the Ice Court in Fjerda, the "safest" prison in the world and rescue, or kidnap, Bo Yul-Bayur, a Grisha who accidentally created a drug called jurda parem, which sharpens and increases the Grisha's powers, taking them to high and unknown levels. We have a sharpshooter who can't stay away from a good bet. A wayward son who was kicked out of his father's house and is underestimated, but is very smart. An ex-convict accused slaver, the world's most handsome, lovable, and idiotic fjerdan brute, out for revenge. A lost Grisha who makes a living healing people and trying to get the fjerdan out of the jail he put him in. A suli girl who is basically a ghost, the Wrath, a spy who defies the laws of gravity and is a sweetheart of a person. And finally, our favorite swindler: the Bastard of the Barrel, someone whom legends have turned him into a monster, someone without scruples, without morals or conscience. Will they be able to unite to achieve their goal and come out alive? Or will they end up killing each other before they reach Fjerda? Plot. As I said, compared to the Grisha trilogy, Six of Crows is perfection at its finest. It's not the first heist book (I've only read this one, sorry), but it grabs you from the first moment. I love that Leigh has taken up the Grisha again - I must confess that I love the Grisha order and how she has placed them - and that in this book she continues to include them as a fundamental part of the plot. Just like the first time, Six of Crows grabbed me, although I never understood why Joost and his chapter, I did feel bad that he was all dead. Each chapter had me hooked and begging for more. Even the very end left me screaming and crying like crazy. I have to repeat it: Miss Bardugo, this is a masterpiece, an exquisite and divine piece. Every plot twist had me in suspense or saying "I need more". It's a more radical departure from what we were given in the Grisha trilogy. They steal, explote things, destroy places and make great entrances, lol

Characters. Kaz "killer cane" Brekker. I want to protect him, and at the same time beat him with his cane. His story is touching at a certain point and makes you understand how or why Kaz became who he is now, why he is such a bastard, arrogant and fearless at the same time. There is never a challenge hard enough for him as he dares to prove otherwise. He shows us that he is one step ahead of the rest, and if he runs out of tricks, our demjin manages and invents more. Dirty Hands is a magician, a monster thirsty for revenge for the death of his brother, Jordie, thanks to a scam Pekka Rollins pulled on them when they were just kids. Kaz is full of secrets, tricks, schemes and more that it's scary to know what he's thinking. He's a bastard forged in the very cauldrons of hell, a seventeen-year-old kid who worked his way up through tooth and nail, using his brother's corpse to swim and get to where he is. Inej "The Wrath" Ghafa. Inej was captured and sold as a slave to the cursed Tante Heleen, who owns a brothel. Inej has the ability to go unnoticed, so much so that Kaz Brekker did not feel her approaching him. In any case, Kaz pays Inej's contract with Heleen and joins the Undesirables, becomes Kaz's right-hand man and his spy, or spider. Kaz and Inej are obviously in love, but they don't confess it to each other because it's complicated, and I don't know if I want to yell at them to kiss, or punch them to make them realize it. Inej deserves the whole world. She can stab me and I would appreciate it. Nina "my queen" Zenik. Nina had joined the Ravkan Second Army and was captured before the civil war in Ravka, she was imprisoned by the drüskelle to be taken to Fjerda to be tried for her crimes, which are basically: having powers. She is a heartrender, order of the Corporalki. She met my other goddess Zoya Nazyalenski. Well, anyway, Matthias was one of the drüskelle who imprisoned her and when their ship sinks, she saves him. Nina and Matthias wander around in each other's company and in the end, she brands him a slaver and Matthias ends up imprisoned in Kerch. One can feel the tension between them: enemies to lovers vibes, yup, I live for that. In the end, to save them all, Nina decides to consume jurda parem and knows that she will experience drastic changes in terms of her power and herself. Matthias "the tulip" Helvar. He is my beautiful baby, the most adorable bear and the cutest brute of all. You don't know how much I have laughed for him, he is so innocent in many things that I want to protect him from everything and everyone. Yes, I have a thing for blond brutes (Nikolai Lantsov, I'm talking to you too). From the first time I read Six of Crows, I instantly fell in love with Matthias and will be in love with him until I die. Amen. I already know what happens to him in Crooked Kingdom and I don't want it to come to that. Seriously he deserves all the love in the world, and even though I wanted to punch him many times, I also wanted to hug him and tell him that everything is going to be okay. In the end, Matthias renounces the beliefs that were instilled in him, accepts reality and becomes a Dreg, fighting against his own people. Jesper "crazy hands" Fahey. Jes is a Zemeni boy who came to Kerch to study at the university, but by chance, he ends up becoming a gambler. Jesper is a Grisha, a Materialki, and only Kaz and Inej know his secret. He is a fairly agile sharpshooter and a gambler who can't resist a good game without knowing he will lose. In a slip of the tongue, Jesper confesses what they are about to do and as they are about to leave Ketterdam, they are attacked. Jesper is a baby and I must protect him from all evil and danger. Plus, I really ship him with Wylan. Wylan "little merc" Van Eck. Another baby. I want to protect him from everything and everyone, especially his bastard of a father. Ugh, I hate him. When Jan Van Eck proves to be the jerk he is in front of his son, I wanted to cry with rage because my little baby boy doesn't deserve any of that. Wylan is smarter than others give him credit for, and

even Kaz thinks that just because he can't read doesn't stop him from doing amazing things; he doesn't put it that way, but I do. Worldbuilding. We find ourselves in a totally different country from Ravka. In the Grisha trilogy, we focused more on a description of Ravka, but now, we have two different places: Kerch and Fjerda. Although Shu Han, Novyi Zem, and Ravka are mentioned again, Ketterdam is a fairly fixed point. The description of the places is incredible: you seriously imagine it as a Dutch city in the Victorian era. Tell me I wasn't the only one. I don't know what else can I say about these assholes that I haven't already said. They're so chaotic, funny and you attach to them really quick, even if you want to kick them. I can't really believe they're 16-17-18 years old: they feel really older and "mature", but once you know them, you realize they're a bunch of kids trying to make a heist. Anyways, I loved Six of Crows with my entire life. I'm a sucker for this masterpiece and I'm really looking forward Crooked Kingdom, but knowing what happens to my tullip makes me wanna cry, scream and destroy the world. We stan Kanej, Helnik and Wesper, bitches. I love my Dregs. :')

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writefinch · 5 years ago

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Family-Owned Small Business

(CN: incest, sex work, mentions of sexual assault & suicidal ideation)

The worst part of my job is administration. Last-minute rescheduling when a client flakes on us. Chasing up payments. Booking accommodation at short notice. Answering messages! Jesus, every time in the last year when I've slumped, sighed, and thought to myself "fuck working, I need a break from all this" it's been when I've opened my messages and seen thirty different texts that need a reply. Some people are fine with it I guess, but for me it's boring, time consuming, and stressful.

Big deal though, right, I mean nobody loves doing admin, why even bring it up? Well, if I tell someone that for work last night I ate a client's cum out of my mom's pussy, I'd expect that they'd get fixated on the sex work and the incest. I'd expect them to freak out and not pay attention to the specifics of what I'm saying. So, first, I'd like that person to know that the thing I hate about my job is probably the same thing that *they* hate about *their* job. I would rather lick my mom's asshole for five minutes than answer emails for five minutes, and I answer a lot of emails.

Do we have to worry about violence, danger, cops, and legal trouble? Yeah, we do. Am I scared of these things? Yeah, sometimes, but I had to worry about all of those things before I started doing sex work. At least now we've got the money to buy our way out of the worst of it.

I'm not saying that what I do with mom is an objectively healthy relationship, let alone a perfect one. If you took me back in time and told me I could pick a completely different life for me and my mom, I'm sure there's a bunch of choices I'd pick over this one. But I never had that choice. I got hurt a lot growing up. I feel like I've finally escaped the things that hurt me, but I know that I've barely started to recover from them.

That's why I'm writing this. We've saved enough money to afford some therapy and my first session is next week. I want help with the fear, the nightmares, the mood swings and insomnia, I want to stop the rush of rage and terror that flows through me every time I see the word 'dad,' I want help untangling the stuff that came out of being told I was a pansy when I was growing up, then figuring out I'm gay, then figuring out I'm a girl, then figuring out I'm all three of those things while I was living in a place that kept trying to kill me for it. What I don't want is for the psych to pin it all on the two least harmful and least fucked-up things about my life, and worse, I don't want them to make me believe it. This journal is a prophylactic, an assessment of my job, my relationships and my life that I can refer back to if and when someone sticks their fingers in my brain and swirls them around.

I'll start with a problem statement: my dad. The memories that hurt the most are the ones where he almost appeared human, the flickers of joy, curiosity and humor that stood out from the bland cruelty that made up the rest of his personality. I'll remember him buying me ice cream or talking about a book or a movie with me, I'll doubt myself and wonder if I just went crazy and cut him out of my life for no reason, and then my brain will hook onto a random act of sadism he inflicted on me.

The physical abuse was bad all on its own, real psycho shit like driving me out into the woods and making me pick through the brush for a switch he could hit me with and a whole lot more I won't go into, but the emotional abuse was worse. When I was eleven, I forgot to feed my cat one day. He gave her away to my uncle, but told me that she'd developed malnutrition and had to be put down. I didn't find out the truth for another two years, when he just let it slip at Easter. He bragged about it, even, like he'd invented a really smart child-rearing technique. I don't want to write too much down here because I don't need to, if anything I want therapy to *stop* everything he did from running through my head. He's a punishment-obsessed sadist, a Baptist, and he works as a judge. Did he ever sexually abuse me? No. Parent of the year, right? He kicked me out for being a fag the day I turned eighteen, so it's ironic that my biggest fear is that he comes looking for me. He doesn't even know I'm a girl.

On the other hand, my mom has had an interesting life. She's kind of a fuck up. When I was one year old, mom and dad split and dad got full custody--being a judge helped with that--while mom left the state. She spent a decade trying to kick a heroin habit and a year and a half in prison for related stuff, got banned from even entering the state I lived in on account of her parole--again, dad being a judge helped with that--illegally emigrated to Canada for a while, and went to Oregon by mistake, doing a mixture of bartending, delivery driving, MDMA dealing and whoring to stay afloat.

The only reason we met again is that I was in the same city staying with friends, also whoring. I don't remember the first time I saw her, but the first time we talked was in a mutual friend's tiny studio apartment with a few other hooker friends. We ended up comparing our Pest Lists, shared a few drinks, and swapped numbers. A week later we fucked, and a month after *that* we realized that we'd Oedipus'd ourselves. It seems funnier now than it did at the time.

That was an emotional time. We cried with joy that we'd found each other, we started tip-toeing around the ideas of rebuilding our lives together, and we agreed to pretend that the sex had never happened. Of course, we got drunk together a week later and fucked again. She's hot! I have a thing for older women, I have a thing for breaking taboos, and I have a thing for being mommied in bed. Blame dad for raising me like this, I dunno.

We started doing sex work as a team after she got a dental abscess. The bill for the hospital stay and the tooth removal was insane, and the dentist straight-up told her that she'd end up with another in a different tooth within a year if she didn't get two root canals. Even when she was recovering, we could only afford fish antibiotics off of Amazon. We crunched some numbers and made some inquiries, and figured out that we could pull in two week's worth of our combined income with one night of mother-daughter stuff.

Our first joint session was with a real estate pervert I'll call Stan, a chubby balding powerlifter in his fifties who we'd both had as a client before. Mom took me over her knees and switched between spanking me and fingering me while he watched. I sucked him off while mom made out with him, made out with my mom with his cock between our lips, licked his balls as mom licked my ass, then let him fuck my ass while mom sat on my face. That was the first half hour. He came six more times before we passed out in the early hours of the morning, and I drifted off nursing his finally-limp cock in my mouth. He paid us the price of a used Volkswagen for our trouble, and I blew him one last time before we left as a thank-you.

Six months later, mom's teeth were fixed, I was on spiro, and we had just under a dozen clients for our "doubles sessions." Only a few of our appointments are ones with me and mom together, three or four a month, we mostly work alone. That's not out of a deliberate choice, it's just that we've got a strict criteria for who we'll double up on.

Trust is one thing: depending on the lawyers we can afford, what we're doing is either kinda illegal or extremely illegal. Since my dad is presumably still a judge, I don't want him to ever find out about this. He'd put us in a prison or a mental institution. We won't do a double session with a client unless we've both had individual sessions with them.

Money is the other thing. Getting your dick sucked by a hot mom while her daughter sucks your balls costs a week's wages for the average person. Hiring us for the night is more like a month's wages. Even in a city like this, there's only a few thousand people that can drop that kind of money on hookers. Then, they've got to *want* to fuck a trans girl and her mom together. Don't get me wrong, more people are into mother-daughter incest than you'd expect, but it's not a universal thing.

Clients are, on average, annoying. It's a fact of life. The thing that all clients have in common is a ton of disposable income and a fondness for fucking hookers. They're not necessarily bad people, but there’s a heavy ‘What can a banana cost, ten dollars?’ vibe to them. It’s not that they’re adrenochrome-drinkers who don’t see regular people as human, it’s more that they don’t have an intuitive awareness that other people don’t have savings accounts, health insurance, an investment property, and four figures of walking-around money at any given time. I guess I'd feel differently if I was like, a concierge or a PA, but there's a lot more pillow talk in my job.

I've had bad and dangerous clients before, there's been at least two occasions where I was pretty sure I was going to die--one where the hospital afterwards stay wiped out four months of income, not counting the month where I couldn’t work--but they were all before I met mom, when I couldn't be so careful about screening prospective clients and dropping them if they threw up red flags. I'm sure we'll get bad clients in the future, but we're in a better place to deal with them safely.

I also wanna write down what a "normal day" is like. Friday was a good example. I woke up early at 9am and cooked breakfast for mom. She was up already doing the laundry. We entertain some clients in our apartment, so we go through a lot of clothes and a lot of sheets. You can't fuck a guy on top of another guy's cum stains, that's rude. Some of the job is Housework But More. We don't really use the main bedroom or the sitting room because we treat them like bed and breakfast guest rooms. It's annoying but every time we have a session without getting an actual hotel or motel room we save like $50 minimum.

After breakfast I epilated, showered, and went for a run. Personal grooming isn't that big a deal in terms of time, I'm not saying I don't spend a lot of time on it, I do, but I'd be spending that time even if I worked in a bar or an office or something. Look: I'm hot. I might have been a weird-looking spotty nerd when I thought I was a boy, but as a girl I'm a fucking dime. I could get like, 25% uglier before it had any impact on my earnings. The only part of personal grooming that's necessary for sex work and I wouldn't do all the time anyway is power-washing my guts an hour before every session.

After lunch, mom went to see some friends and I played Magic for a few hours. At two pm, the actual work started. I picked up the work phone for the first time that day and began answering texts. An hour later I'd cancelled the 6pm appointment, blocked out all of Sunday evening, checked in with a few regulars, and provisionally moved three guys to the 'Time Wasters' list.

I spent a while sexting with a good prospect. He was a good prospect because he paid up-front for the sexting instead of treating it like a free samples platter at Costco. We scheduled a tentative appointment for next Tuesday, when his wife would be out of town on a business trip. Most of the guys I fuck have kinks, and I swear that 'cheating on your wife with a sex worker' is the most common one there is. Do I feel bad about it? At my hourly rate, absolutely not.

Mom got back at half four, so I took a break. We made tacos for lunch together and ate while watching Billions. She nudged me and told me that I need to do my injection, and, well, we have a little ritual for that. I'm scatterbrained and I'm not great with needles, but mom has been incredibly supportive with my HRT, and when I told her I was having problems taking them on time, she came up with a way to make me as comfortable as possible. As soon as the needle is ready, I laid down in her lap and she cradled my head in her arms, pressing her bare chest against my face. I took a nipple into my mouth and nursed it softly while she stroked my hair. She called me a good girl, telling me how proud she is of her daughter, how much she loves me, and asked if I was going to take my medicine like a big girl. On good days I inject myself while she pets me and coos over me, and on bad days she takes the needle and does it for me. As soon as I dropped the needle in the sharps container, mom pressed a Hitachi against my cock and took one of my nipples into her mouth, called me her big brave girl, and asked if I was gonna cum for mommy.

As usual, the answer was yes.

Late afternoon and early evening is when the messages start flowing in, especially on Fridays, when the kinds of people with hooker money have either left work early and thinking about getting laid, or are still held up at work and are desperately thinking about getting laid. This kind of messaging gets trickier, because it comes down to what I'm providing. Like, setting up a session is the kind of normal administrative stuff that's baked into the price of a session. It's also partly a sales job, so I'm naturally flirty and solicitous, and because I do sex work I talk openly about sex.

However, *sexting* is not normal administrative stuff. If I'm sending you messages for jerking-off purposes, I can charge by the hour or by the text but I will insist on charging for it. Also, it's not just sex that me and mom provide. There's a reason that 'companionship' is an old euphemism for whoring, it's because whores are good company. I'm a good listener and I don't judge, which means I'm like the fun parts of a therapist but without all the homework and self-improvement. I'm (unsurprisingly) friendly with all of my clients, and I have more than a few clients and former clients who I'd consider good friends and vice versa. I talk to a bunch of them outside of a business context, especially the ones I met outside of my job, and that's a normal part of maintaining a pool of clients for any sales job, but on the other hand... it's a demand on my time and it's a part of my services. I can and have bluntly told guys that they're wasting my time when it comes to uncompensated sexting, but the platonic stuff requires a lighter touch.

One of my regulars, Fintech Pete, sent me a message. Two messages later, he sent me $100, and we're off. Describing in gratuitous detail exactly how I'm going to suck his cock, begging him to fuck me until my clit is drooling all over the sheets, sending him feet pics, things of that nature. Pete is great for sexting because he barely jerks off while he's doing it, he saves all the messages and pictures and jerks off to them later, because he's got some biohacking routine where he only cums once a week. He said once that part of the reason he hires sex workers is that he takes each nut a lot more seriously if he's paying three digits minimum for the privilege. He does this teleconferencing report with the board of directors at his company four times a year, and every time he hires me to kneel under the desk in his home office and suck him off while he makes his presentation.

Anyway, while we were going back and forth like that, he mentioned that I'd made a joke one time about doing a joint session with my mom. I told him it wasn't a joke, and to cut a long story short, half an hour later I was asking mom if she was up for an overnight session starting at 9pm. She agreed, Pete confirmed, so we both got ready--think getting dolled up for a night out but with a more thorough enema--and drove to his place. He lived outside of town in a two-bedroom suburban home, alone with his two dogs.

As soon as we were parked in his garage I did the safety call in front of him: I rang a friend of mine, told her we were visiting a friend, told her it was at the address I sent her earlier, and told her we'd call her again tomorrow morning. Was it really necessary to do that with someone like Fintech Pete? No, but practice makes permanent. If you let these things slip when there's no danger, eventually they'll slip when there is danger.

Now, I don't want to imply that I'm in a lot of danger! There's a reason that most of the faces you'll see on the Trans Day of Remembrance are of poor black and brown women, because real danger comes when you can't turn skeevy jobs, when you can't afford to take precautions, when you have to make the choice over and over between maybe starving and maybe getting murdered. I'm white, I've got a good support network, and I've been relatively lucky in that I can do all these things to minimize my risks. I've still got to do them, though! Things like safety calls are a good habit to get into and it helps all sex workers if there's an expectation that they've all got someone looking out for them.

...I get that there is some bravado creeping into this journal. I start off saying that admin is the worst part of the job and a page later I flippantly mention that the job has put me in the hospital. On a day to day basis yeah, the admin is the bit that sucks the most, but if you offered me a deal where the admin is twice as bad but I never took that session, I’d take it in a heartbeat. This job has left me with some scars. Any time something cold touches my wrist I get a vivid flash of the first time I had my hands zip-tied behind my back in a cop car. I've had nightmares all my life, and more than a few of my nightmares are about stuff that's happened since I got into sex work.

If it seems like I’m downplaying it, it’s because the harrowing stuff is where the job has gone wrong, it’s not baked into the everyday stuff, and most importantly it has nothing to do with my mom. The work I've done with her is some of the least stressful and dangerous I've had since I started this job, and whatever wounds I have, she's not the one who caused them.

On a more positive note, a cool thing about doing sessions with my mom is that we can dress pretty conservatively and still have it come off as insanely lewd. Mom wore a black cocktail dress with an imitation pearl necklace and her hair up in a bun, I was in a white blouse under a lambswool sweater, a pleated short skirt, cheap dark tights--Pete has a thing for tearing them--and patent leather shoes. When you're going to suck a guy's world entirely off alongside your mom, the more modestly you're dressed, the more perverted it looks. Out in the suburbs it also means you get to avoid the microskirts and fishnets look which screams to the neighbors 'I've just hired a pair of hookers' or the mid-range raincoat over microskirts and fishnets look which screams 'I've just hired a pair of pricey hookers."

Pete's living room looks like the back room of a Radio Shack, computer guts everywhere, every surface turned into a makeshift workbench. It's not a suitable place for lovemaking; I don't want to have to pull shards of a soundcard out of my perineum. His bedroom is a lot neater, with a king-sized bed to sit on, a ton of pillows to lounge up against, and a TV mounted on the wall. Mom poured out some wine, a mid-range red zinfandel that we'd picked up on the way, Pete brought out some imported dark chocolate that costs like $40/kg, and I swung my legs over his lap and turned on the Food Network. I took a bite of chocolate, mom took a sip of wine, and before either of us swallowed she pulled me into a deep kiss, mixing the wine and the chocolate. It's a good combination, and Pete enjoyed the show.

The night started off with chatting. None of us were in any rush, not with an overnight session, and since Pete has been a client for each of us for a while it was a pretty relaxed atmosphere. Pete's fingers danced over my thighs, absent-mindedly plucking ladders into the fabric as we talked baseball, business, sex work, the difference between the gentrified fag bar downtown and the really gentrified fag bar downtown, programming and other nerd shit, local politics, the contestants on Cutthroat Kitchen, just normal stuff. Mom and Pete started talking about fancy cooking stuff so I started annoying them both by claiming that sardines are just fully-grown anchovies, that DOP labels are all fake, and that instant grits are better than the regular ones until mom jabbed me with a finger and told me that my mouth should be put to better use elsewhere.

You know how some people say "Cilantro tastes like soap, that's why it's good?" Same thing for how weird it feels to go down on my mom. The first time I ever jerked off, watching a 144p clip of Rocco Sifreddi fucking a girl in the ass while flushing her head down a toilet bowl, knowing that this meant I was going to go to Hell unless I begged God for forgiveness and never did it again, I came so hard I passed out. It feels good, it feels wrong that it feels so good, and it feels even better because it feels so wrong.

She was already wet when I got between her legs. I kissed her clit and started licking, her bush tickling my nose and her thighs squeezing my ears. Fabric rasped over my head as she hiked her dress up to run her hand through my hair. Everything was muffled but I could hear kissing and clinking, and I knew that mom was undoing Pete's belt and jeans to give him a Catholic-quality handjob.

I got mom worked up, bucking her hips and getting all breathy, until she asked me to get up here and give her some help. I crawled up to his groin and winked up at him. He blushed and grinned back. Pete's not a bad-looking guy. I mean, I don't care about looks in general, I guess I can look at someone and say that objectively they're ugly, and if someone is beautiful it adds something to the experience, but like... it doesn't really figure into it. Obviously most johns don't look like supermodels but they're not uniformly ugly, as I said before the thing that johns have in common is being horny guys with a lot of disposable income. Still, Pete is towards the better-looking side of that scale.

...Okay there is one thing about him that's weirdly common for my clients, I call it 'John Balding:' where a guy is losing his hair but in a slow, uneven, and kinda weird pattern, so that even when they cross into being more bald than not, they never bite the bullet and shave it all off. Pete is only like 30% of the way through that process so it doesn't look terrible yet, but he's on that track.

Anyway, back to the sex. A fun thing about double blowjobs is that you can take them a whole lot slower than solo blowjobs. Me and mom have had a lot of practice so we go at about 1/4th speed and it feels twice as good. She started off by wrapping her hand around the shaft, slowly stroking it while she softly kissed the tip, and I licked his balls, gently lapping at one, then the other, cleaning away the day's sweat and musk, carefully taking both of them into my mouth at once. Mom swallowed half his length, and I started kissing my way up his shaft as she pulled back up, my lips touching the head as hers reached the very tip. She grabbed me by my hair and pulled me into a deep French kiss with his cock in the middle, precum mixing with spit, moaning as we felt him twitch and grunt, mom's hand on his balls and my hand on his shaft. We broke the kiss and repeated it in reverse, taking his cock in my throat as mom kissed her way down to his balls. He came after five minutes of gentle little schoolgirl kisses on each side of his cock from the pair of us. The first rope caught mom on her cheek, the second hit her hair, but I wrapped my lips tight around the head and sucked him dry before he could spill another drop.

You can't give a client a mother-daughter blowjob and not snowball the cum back and forth in front of him. We've done it enough times to get the timing down: wait until he sits up straight, because if you don't he'll be too dazed from nutting in your mouth to really appreciate it. Make sure he's looking at you, move your hair out of the way so it doesn't obstruct his view, open your lips so that a trickle of jizz almost sloshes out, move in close to your mom so that your noses are touching and it's clear that you're about to kiss, sink a palm into her tits as she grabs your ass, and then you gotta really go for it: wide-mouthed, feral, energetic, like you're trying to reach each other's sinuses. If a little bit of cum spills out because you're being so sloppy, that's a sign that you're doing it right. You're going to lick it up afterwards anyway.

We broke the kiss, I licked mom's face clean, and we took a break. We drank some more wine, he offered us cigarettes--the coolest clients are the ones that let you smoke indoors--and we cuddled and relaxed for a while with Guy's Grocery Games playing on the TV. Pete went to get some water, and returned with three bottles and a strip of Cialis. He downed two pills, we both stripped off--it was sweltering by that point--and got ready for the next round.

Mom played with his nipples and I got between his legs again, this time going lower than his balls to eat his ass out. Rimming is a trusted client privilege like the mom-daughter stuff is, except it's less about trusting them in the legal sense and more about trusting that it won't be grainy down there. I like it when a client is clean enough to rim, because I'm extremely good at it. Mom says she's better, she claims she once made a guy no-touch cum with a rimjob, but I don't fucking believe her.

He got hard after a minute of digging my tongue into his ass, but his cock was still super-sensitive so we figured we'd tease him for a while longer. We swapped places, mom ate his ass while he made out with me, squeezing my tits and playing with my cock. I like it when guys touch my tits, my cock is... fine, I guess? I don't viscerally dislike people touching it but it doesn't do much for me. After a minute of that he reaches around and works a finger into my asshole, which is much more my speed.

By the time he was two knuckles deep I looked down and saw his cock twitching, leaking precum onto his stomach. He seemed pretty worked up. I kissed his neck, nipped at his ear, and whispered, "Do you wanna breed me, Mister?"

He sure did.

I use condoms unless I've got an extremely compelling reason not to, and mom has a cool trick for getting them on. She grasped Pete's cock around the base, placed her lips around the tip, deepthroated the entire thing in a single stroke, and as she slowly lifted her head back up, his cock was neatly fitted with a condom.

As soon as I lubed up he put me on my back, pushed my ankles up to my ears, pressed his cock against my hole and sunk into me inch by inch. He muffled my moans with a kiss and rutted me into the bed. I gotta give it to him, all that biohacking and cardio is doing something right because he railed me at a fast, steady pace until my dick was leaking all over my tummy and I couldn't form sentences in my head any more. Mom made out with him as he finished, and at that point I was just babbling nonsense. He was gentle and cautious as he pulled out of me, stroking my hair as I reached down to take off his condom. I poured the contents out over my tits, slumping back against the headboard as mom licked them clean.

It wasn't yet midnight by then, and we went on like that through the night. Licking his feet, mom-daughter 69, him sucking my cock while mom rode his dick like a Sorority cowgirl champion, more wine, more double-blowjobs, tacking an extra $200 onto the fee for the privilege of pissing in my mouth instead of having to get up to go to the bathroom, a whole buffet of fun whore stuff.

We woke up at around ten in the morning, stayed for breakfast, then said our goodbyes. Me and mom thanked him for his custom, and he thanked us for a good time. By midday we were at home, we both showered, checked our calendars, messaged our evening clients to confirm that they were still on, and then... well, the rest of the day kinda evaporated. I played Demons' Souls until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, passed out in bed, and woke up when my alarm went off in the evening.

That's one of the things I don't like about overnight sessions: you're technically only spending like, ten to twelve hours with a client, and for some of that time you're either not fucking or actively asleep, but it kinda feels like it destroys two days. By the time it's scheduled, everything in the rest of the day is either preparing for it or doing it, and when you get back it takes the rest of the day just to recover. I don't like that part of my job, and if I sit down I can probably go through a whole bunch of things I don't like about my job. I still know that my job isn't a *bad* job, because the last time I had a bad job it was at a chicken processing plant. Know how I know that the chicken job was bad? Because I excused myself for a bathroom break four hours into the shift, walked off site, and never came back.

You know what, there's another reason I know that this isn't a bad job and that mom isn't a bad mom, and I guess it's part of the reason I've written all this down in the first place. I was seven years old when I first wanted to die. By the time I got to high school, suicidal thoughts were just the radio static in my brain. I can't remember any point after like, grade school where I didn't daydream about suicide every single day.

Now? I sometimes go for weeks without thinking about killing myself. It hasn't gone away completely, it still pops up when I'm upset or stressed out or tired or really hungry, but what I do is I talk to mom about it, and she talks me out of it. I feel guilty sometimes about putting that pressure on her, and taking that pressure off is part of the reason I'm going to therapy I guess.

I hope it works out.

I really think it will.

#story #stories

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hoochy-coo · 4 years ago

Note

I have a bunch of questions for WS anon since I am interested in other celebs possible pr too!

1. With your job, is it regular for anyone working in the industry to have tea? And do people working in or share what’s real or not?

I would say it gives you the opportunity to hear gossip or rumors that only people in the industry would know. I will say you'd probably need to go out of your way to learn about it. In my case I work with athletes and aside from the people they hookup with, their scandals, vices it's not really a place with tea. But I do make a lot of friends in the industry and we gossip all the time and they share from their respective fields and about the celebs they work with or have a connection to. I guess it's the same as any kind of workplace gossip.

Working in what? You mean working in pr? A celeb's pr team will never tell you what is real/authentic or straight up fake or a mix of both. The most they'll give is what strategies they impose or how they mold things. But not directly, oh this is fake btw. For obvious reasons, they keep a lot of things secret and things only they would know. A lot of friends in pr do like sharing input or teach our gc how things go or look for the signs or the strategies we wouldn't even have figured without their help. A lot of times we also just hear a lot of rumors from inside sources that just outward contradicts what is being presented by the media/pr play of a celeb.

2. Can you tell me your thoughts on often thought pr couples? I am not a harrie at all and I see this from pop culture blogs.

lily/timmy - I don't know if it's pure pr or not but I've at least heard Timmy was also hooking up with other women during all those times he was with Lily. A lot of people have told me it's pure pr/mostly pr though. They did seem like a nice match as future it girl/boy but their reunion it didn't seem as interesting.

seb/ale - I actually don't follow either of those two enough. I thought Seb has always been pretty open about his gfs? At least I thought him and Leighton were pretty public. For his current gf, if it's pr then he hasn't gain a lot of fame imo. The only place I see him relevant or getting talked about is the tumblr/twitter stans which while loud isn't that big. I mean his fans sure let his last film flop hard, I doubt the BO was even enough to pay him.

henry/nat - I feel like I blocked out Henry's love life when he was dating a 19 year old. But I would say this is real. Until I see Natalie suddenly becoming a star I'd say this is pretty standard for Henry. Him and Kaley, yeah none of you can convince me that was real.

chris/jenny - A lot of people will kill me, but since Jessie admitted she also thinks they're pr then I'll admit I do too.

tom/zendaya - I think they're real. Either way I love it. We can probably judge based on how long this will last.

shawn/camila - real, but my friend says they're way more subdued in private at least

bennifer - I already sent an answer to this before

ben/ana - the blueprint

hiddleswift - pr

abelena - pr

If you're asking if I think they're pure pr, I don't know what happens when they're alone together to say it's all fake. I imagine hiddleswift, abelena, ben/ana probably hookup in private but was never as serious or real as they made it appear. If you're asking if they're real and using it for pr, well yeah I would say all of these would qualify as they're using it for pr too which isn't a bad thing. Like Ryan/Blake are obviously real and using their relationship for publicity.

3. Do you think hiddleswift was bad pr for Tom?

Not really. I do think it was meant to be longer with a full better rollout and ended too early with Taylor backing out. As someone who considers herself a self-hating swiftie, Tom gained a lot of loyal fans in the fandom for example and hiddleswift was pretty memorable pop culture moment in general.

4. How do you really feel about the holivia questions and harries in general since you tend to get the most abuse from them?

I'm irritated because of the angry anons and people who can't respect opinion. Other than that, my opinion on holivia still remains the same and it will not physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or financially hurt either Harry or Olivia. In the first place, I don't remember ever spending money for them. I think as long as Jessie allows pop culture discussion and allows the question, we can all and should respect opinion. I'm not in any way anti or pro holivia. I don't mind a pr relationship cause to me it's a normal and harmless part of their job. I also don't think pr should be equated as bad at all. We're kidding ourselves if we don't think celebs are like this.

5. I’m just basing this from the harry stans in this blog, but how do you see Harry benefit from holivia?

I already said this to my one harrie friend here but I always saw his fans overestimate his fame. Harry is big but he isn't BIG. He hasn't come to the level of Taylor, Drake, Ed, JB, or their counterparts for actors. Every celeb who came at that level went to levels of attention seeking and pr. When you're trying to venture into film, there are separate pr that could also be demanded from you. Being big in one industry doesn't equate to being an instant hit or success in the other. Especially when the film industry does have a lot of hesitation with singers to actors. Especially when with Harry he seems to want to be taken as a serious actor rather than the easy going route many of his contemporaries have done to jump start their acting career. Harry is being talked about a lot by blogs and accounts that used to barely mention him before. He is being discussed as a regular gossip which didn't happen for years. Imo fans just think he's too big for anything or that he is immune to pr or attention seeking. Me and my friends never saw him that way and we also never saw Harry as incredibly relevant or big, rather than he has an incredibly dedicated fanbase

Question for WS anon but I would also like to hear your opinion Jessie? Do you think Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling call the paps . Because I've generanlly heard that he is an extremely private ccelebrity but all those spottinga with his kid don't necessarily seem very organic to me Also are there any celebs that dont really call the paps?

You can be a private celeb and still call the paps. Ryan is a private guy but he has always been pretty open who he's dating and end of day they don't give us a lot of update or info about their relationship. Abel has started calling the paps a lot, but in hindsight he's still very private about himself.

I think the only celebs who don't call the paps are ones who don't have publicist.

- Worcestershire Sauce Anon

!!!

You answered this so thoroughly, thank you! X

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best-ghoul · 4 years ago

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I think we should elect the dog mayor.

Honestly Toby Fox is the exact Right Dude for the Job of making a super damn wholesome, earnest game that changed the world. Like, he’s secretly been pulling the levers of power the whole time, just, y’know, in a funny Dog Suit. He’s like, the new model for a lot of post Social Media celebs who grew up watching Indie Careers Born and Die On The Internet.

He knows hubris kills people who hit niche gold and go mainstream. It’s a lot like the lotto that way. He’s very clearly second-gen internet royalty, and it shows.

So, what does he do? He shuts his trap IMMEDIATELY UPON GOING VIRAL LIKE SOME KIND OF NERD SPARTACUS. If people are going to make you into a character, and especially if you want to be a character, start there. After all, who doesn’t want to be Batman?

We all understand the honor system with Batman’s identity, yes?

“Honor System” also includes the duty of reporting a dickhead abusing the privilege. You should still run bad acts out of town, but we have that part down to fucking clockwork. Have we over-corrected? I dunno, but we definitely need to start being a little more anonymous as artists.

What I do know is, every time I see the Funny Dog Man knock it out of the park Hopes and Dreams plays, and when I watch the funny Anime Girl Dog (who I also know precious few things about) play it and her face get excited in real time without exposing the performer on the other end to the orbity creeps of the internet id, I feel good. I don’t want to ruin that illusion.

Toby is the dog man now, and if he absolutely blows it in 3 years he’ll be a thief in the night. He could release an eroge tomorrow under another name and I’d never piece two and two together. If someone does, if he makes something different after that, first people will have already forgotten. It’s why scams work.

Books will be written about him. I’ve seen his name since early Homestuck.

I don’t even know how old the man is.

That’s perfect.

I could find it if I looked, of course, but that would make me explicitly Being Nosy. It’s generally frowned upon as a habit because it’s not something people do unprompted. People are much more wont to separate the art from the artist if you put up SOME kind of barrier. We’ve been doing it for thousands of years. It’s how we didn’t get fucking stoned in the town square before we were marriageable. It’s Identity-proof.

I don’t want to call it “Vtuberification” because that’s just dense, but Toby’s the first Post-Stan success story that I don’t look at with accumulating apprehension the way I do with, say, people who are at the fore with their face out because that’s their career model.

Face work is increasingly a volunteer position, though, which is real good; It even seems a little quaint. There’s real fear there too, and so much at stake for someone who operates on an algorithm’s shelf life and cannot ever run away from that. I don’t blame anyone for cracking eventually, and I think that’s what puts the axe in the back of alright people of incredible promise in the past, or worse, turned them into total dickheads. Live. In front of everyone. In front of me. It’s s nightmarish thing to watch in repeated succession.

The Industry is another thing entirely, but bit by bit people are carving their own escape hatches directly according to how they’re seeing people received, even as public culture shifts the other direction. Privacy’s counterculture now. Yes, we’re watching ourselves turn into a capitalist cyber-dystopia where nazis are as common as hurricanes, but people are getting better at using the internet!

Masking up is trust, but verify at it’s simplest, and people are, I’ve found, way more trusting back. If you’re masked, you come to the table saying “I am an artist, and what I am going to tell you is a lie.” This is what the early internet actually promised, and we’ve increasingly got it.

It can be done, it has. Who has? The goddamn funny dog, that’s who.

#okay and encouraged to rb #Longposting #For Good Content Call

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jalapeno-princess · 5 years ago

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What if I never love again?

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: Angst, Lovers to Ex’s, smut (If you are a soft Mark stan, I suggest you stay away this is a sad one)

Warning: Intended for 18+ audience

Word Count: 9.1k

Summary: Your relationship with Mark has been on the rocks lately so you decided if it would be best to end things with him before it would get worst. Since it was your last night together, Mark wanted to make the most of it and made love to you one last time.

A/N: Based on the song “All I ask” by Adele but I got inspired by Bruno Mars’ version when writing this. I didn’t meant to get all in the feels but I hope you all enjoy!

I will leave my heart at the door I won't say a word They've all been said before you know So why don't we just play pretend Like we're not scared of what's coming next Or scared of having nothing leftLook, don't get me wrong I know there is no tomorrow All I ask isIf this is my last night with you Hold me like I'm more than just a friend Give me a memory I can use Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do It matters how this ends 'Cause what if I never love again?

When he walked in to your shared apartment after a long day of work, he wanted nothing more than to lie down and go to sleep. Mark was exhausted. He’s been working overtime for the last few weeks and it was taking a toll on both his mind and his body. Little did he know, it was also taking a toll on your relationship. However, although he was oblivious to the fact that your relationship was no longer what it used to be, he wasn’t surprised when he saw some of your luggage leaning up against the wall. He knew it was coming. You were leaving him, and he was aware that there was nothing he could do about it.

The two of you have been distant for the last three months with neither of you knowing where it all went wrong. It came out of no where and no matter how much you both claimed to love each other, love was just not enough anymore. You no longer acted like a couple. If anything, your relationship felt like a chore.

The two of you fought more often over such minuscule stuff. The dirty dishes left in the sink, him leaving the toilet seat up, not picking up after your dog Milo and no longer telling you where he was never really used to bother you. But as the days went by, simple tasks he failed to do began to frustrate you more and more. Then came the lack of intimacy. It wasn’t just the lack of sex. Sex wasn’t everything in your relationship, although whenever the two of you did make love, it was always a mind blowing experience. You and Mark were known to be very clingy. There was one point in your four year relationship where neither of you could keep your hands off of one another. Your friends had to sit in between the two of you whenever you’d have outings just to prevent the two of you from touching each other so much. These days, you’d get a kiss on the forehead if you were lucky; and what upset you, was the fact that he didn’t seem to be bothered by the distance.

He seemed to be fine with the fact that your relationship was not what it used to be. It was common for couples who have been together for a while to be independent sometimes, but the current state of your relationship and the way it was falling apart had nothing to do with independence. Mark took a couple of seconds to breathe and take everything in before making his way in to your room. When he walked in, his eyes immediately landed on your tiny frame. It was then in that moment that he realized how much weight you’ve lost. He hated the thought of your relationship being the reason for your unhappiness.

He stood there, watching you as you packed and he could feel his heart break with every piece of clothing you folded in to your suitcase. Once he heard you sniffle, that was it for him.

“Hey.” You turned around in shock. You weren’t expecting him to come home so early. He had a tendency for coming home in the wee hours of the morning. That’s why you decided to start packing your things. You didn’t want to leave. You’ve been contemplating your decision for weeks now; but you could no longer stay in a relationship you weren’t happy in anymore. As much as you loved Mark and wanted things to work out between the two of you, you knew things were going to remain the same even if you were to stay.

How could you stay when the spark was no longer there? When looking at him no longer sent butterflies to your tummy? When hearing him call your name no longer sent fire to your bones and his touches no longer sent shivers down your spine? There was no point in staying in a relationship where your hearts weren’t completely in it anymore. You didn’t know what he was feeling. Mark always had a hard time communicating his feelings. Especially when it came down to your relationship. So you could never tell what he was thinking or what exactly was on his mind.

“Hi.” He slowly walked over to you and motioned towards your suitcase.

“Where are you going?” Although he wasn’t one to be vocal and to speak up about things that were bothering him, you could always read him by his facial expressions. There was a hint of pain in his eyes followed by curiosity. The sight of him looking so sad broke your heart even more than it already was. Mark was a very sensitive person. You’ve seen him cry many times during the duration of your relationship. One time, the two of you were watching Moana and before you knew it, you felt something wet drip on to your shoulder. When you went to see what it was, you smirked at the sight of Mark’s eyes tearing up. His sensitivity was one of the things you loved about him. He was extremely soft, very kind with the biggest heart.

You missed the boy you fell in love with all those years ago. As the years went by, time cruelly turned him in to a man you could hardly recognize. Although you’ve seen him cry many times, you’ve never seen him cry over you. He never really had a reason to. Everything was going so well between the two of you. You were the picture perfect couple that all your friends and even some of your family members were envious about. Hell, your mom started planning your wedding only three months after you and Mark started dating. Unfortunately, it seems that all good things come to an end and your relationship seemed to be one of them.

“I’m leaving you.” The quiver in your voice didn’t go unnoticed to him and he felt as if someone stabbed him in the chest once those three words left your lips. It was obvious you were leaving, but he wasn’t going to let you go without knowing the reason.

“Why?” You noticed him sink down on his knees and made his way next to you. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him trying to reach out for you but pulling back before getting to do so. A huge part of you wanted him to pull you in to his embrace while rocking you back and forth and telling you that things were going to be okay. That he would try and fix your relationship and that he didn’t want you to go. But it was too late. The damage was done and there was nothing he could say or do to change your mind.

“You don’t love me anymore. Our relationship isn’t the same. It’s suffocating me. I’m not happy Mark. I haven’t been happy for months and I know you haven’t been either. So why are we continuing to set fire to an already put out flame? Why are we allowing ourselves to waste our time in a relationship that practically no longer exists? We hardly ever see each other anymore and when we come home, it’s like we’re strangers. We don’t acknowledged each other’s presence, we don’t kiss, hug, hell I can’t even remember the last time we sat down and actually talked. I tried to lie to myself; couples go through rough patches all the time. It’s only natural. But this rough patch has been going on for months Mark and it doesn’t seem to bother you. It’s been killing me but you obviously aren’t phased by how we’ve been acting towards one another. I’m tired Mark. I can’t continue living like this. It’s affecting both my mental and physical health and even my work ethic. My boss threatened to fire me the other day if I didn’t get my shit together and that’s why I made the decision to leave.”

You released a frustrated sigh before continuing where you left off from. It felt like a huge weight fell from your shoulders as you told him everything you were feeling. You couldn’t help but let a few tears fall from your cheeks. Now that Mark was there and sitting right next to you, it was finally hitting you that you were leaving him. That once you packed up all your things and left the apartment, there was no going back. Mark would no longer be in your life and the idea made you want to throw up, but there was nothing you could do. If the two of you were to continue your relationship and pretend like nothing was wrong, like you weren’t slowly dying on the inside, then you were going to lose yourself completely.

A life without Mark was one you never wanted to live. He was your everything and you were sure that he was the man you wanted to settle down and spend the rest of your life with. Whenever you heard the word forever, Mark would always pop up in your mind. Now the word felt bitter on your lips and the longer you stayed in the same room with him, the more you felt like you would suffer a panic attack. As you were about to put one of your blouses in your suitcase, you felt Mark’s fingers wrap around your wrist, preventing you from packing away your clothes.

“Mark—“

“You wore this blouse on our first date remember? I was so nervous because I wanted everything to be perfect. I still had a hard time believing that you actually wanted to date me and that you said yes. Jackson wouldn’t hear the end of it when I told him you said yes to going on a date with me. God, you looked so beautiful that night. Your hair was curled so nicely and you weren’t wearing any make up yet I felt like you were the most ethereal being I’ve ever laid my eyes on.” You didn’t even realize that he moved closer towards you until he turned you around and placed some of your hair behind your ear.

“I planned our first date out as soon as you said yes. The idea of finally making you mine after months of crushing over you felt like a dream. I didn’t know what you liked nor did I know where to take you. It was Jinyoung who reminded me that the location meant nothing. As long as I was with you, I didn’t care where we went, what we ate or what we did. But seeing that breathtaking smile of yours when you saw the picnic I set up for us at the beach made all my worries and negative thoughts disappear.”

The memories from your first date together came rushing back like a freight train and you couldn’t help but softly giggle at the thought of his clumsy Mark was. You gave him an A for effort as he tried to impress you with corny pick up lines and he even tried to feed you because he felt like it was romantic. Unfortunately, most of the dinner he prepared ended up either on your lap or on the blanket, but you both had an amazing time nonetheless. You took this time to look up at him and your heart felt as if it was being ripped apart in to a million pieces. Were you really going to leave this beautiful man sitting in front of you?

Even if things were no longer the same between the two of you, waking up next to him made you feel safe. Mark’s arms were your home and God, you were homesick. But you’ve been homeless for months now and even if the two of you tried to fix things, nothing would go back to the way they used to be.

“I don’t—I can’t—where did you even get the idea that I am no longer in love with you y/n? I know we haven’t been on the best of terms lately, but that doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. I love you with every fiber of my pathetic being. I’ve always loved you and I’m always going to love you. Fuck. I can’t ever seem to stop loving you, the love I have for you only gets stronger as the days go by. I don’t know what I would do without you. Please y/n, rethink your decision. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I know it’s probably too late, I broke you beyond repair. Look at you. You look exhausted. Broken. You’re a ghost living in your body and I’m so fucking sorry that things ended up this way. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to hurt you. I would rather die before causing you any pain but look where we are. We’re strangers and I know it’s my fault we’re like this so I know I’m the only one who can fix it. Please, please, please. Let me fix things. Let me make it work, you and I both know I’m not letting you go that easily. Tell me what I can do to stop you from leaving. I’ll do anything. I’ll quit my job, I’ll drop all my friends, I’ll do whatever I have to do in order to make you happy again and to fix our relationship. I’m not losing you y/n. Please baby, give us one more chance. You’re my person y/n, I love you.”

Your mind was so clouded up with his words that you failed to notice him pull you on to his lap as he wrapped his arms around your waist and buried his face in to your neck. You’ve missed this. You’ve missed the feeling of his warm embrace. You missed being held by him, being adored by him, being protected by him, being loved by him. His words were affecting you in ways you didn’t think were possible. This is why you decided to pack before he came home because you knew there was no way you’d be able to leave if he asked you to stay. If he had the right words to promise you that things would get better, then you would stay.

Hearing him bring up your first date made this entire situation more difficult for you. He still cared, that you know was true. If he no longer cared, he wouldn’t have remembered what you wore that day nor would he have reminisced on that day in it’s entirety. Hearing him sniffle against your neck sent an unsettling sensation to your chest and you hated that you were doing this to him. However, he needed to feel the pain and the suffering you went through in these last few months. When he felt you place a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth, he was confident that you were going to give him another chance. That was until you got up from his lap and returned back to folding your clothes.

“So that’s it? You’re going to disregard my words, disregard my feelings and the fact that I want to work things out? I don’t want anybody but you y/n. If you leave me tonight, I promise you I’m going to give up on love completely. There’s no point in being in love if it’s not with you. Are you really going to let four years, some of the best years of both our lives go down the drain? You claim that you still love me, but you’re ripping my fucking heart out and stepping on it in front of me like it means nothing to you! Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me anymore. Tell me that you’re fine being without me. That breaking up with me is what you think is best for us, then I’ll let you go. If you can honestly tell me that you no longer care for me or have any feelings for me, then there’s nothing I can do about it. But I know you. I know every little thing about you. I know you like the back of my hand y/n. Fuck, I know you better than I know myself.”

He hesitantly stepped towards and when he noticed you weren’t moving away from him, he continued. “I know you’re unhappy. So am I. You don’t think I haven’t noticed we aren’t what we used to be? The distance fucking sucks y/n and I hate that I don’t know when, why or how we even got like this but that doesn’t matter. I’m sorry you’re so sad, and I’m sorry I’ve been a shit boyfriend. You deserve nothing but happiness y/n. You’re not going to find it if you were to leave. I don’t mean to sound narcissistic, but you need me just as much as I need you. If it’s time and space that you need, then I’ll give it to you. But please, don’t give up on us. Don’t give up on me. I love you. I love you so fucking much baby. Please.”

You were practically a mess at this point. The tears were running down your face like a dam and you had no intentions on wiping them away. Every word that fell from his lips felt like a punch to the face and before you could even process your actions, your lips were on his. This kiss was rough, as soon as he came to the realization of what was happening, he was quick to wrap his arms around your waist and pulled you as close to his chest as possible. It felt amazing.

The two of you haven’t kissed like this in months and it felt like your entire body was in flames. He licked and sucked on your bottom lip while grazing his thumb against your hip bone. The moans and soft curses that fell from his lips sent warmth directly to your core and you were mad at yourself for letting lust take over you. But if this was going to be your last night together, you wanted to make the most of it.

“Mark.” He continued smashing his lips against yours while biting on your lip, asking for entrance and hummed in curiosity to get you to continue. “I’m still leaving you.” You’d be lying if you said it didn’t hurt when he pulled away abruptly, but you couldn’t blame him. It was you who initiated the kiss, so it was understandable that he was confused to hear that the kiss didn’t mean what he hoped it did.

“Then why the fuck would you kiss me? You’re leading me on and made me think that you’re giving us another chance only to tell me that the kiss meant nothing? What the fuck did I do to hurt you so badly that you turned in to this emotionless version of yourself? Is this what you want? You want me to suffer don’t you? How many times do I have to apologize and beg for you to put some thought in to this? I’m not playing around y/n. You better tell me what you want now, or I’ll leave you to it.” You took in his angry expression and shivered at the sight. In the many years that you’ve known him for, Mark wasn’t one to get upset all too often.

Since he was very soft spoken, he never made it known that something was bothering him. However, he was bad at hiding his facial expressions. One look in his eyes and you knew he was pissed off. There was one occasion where his friend BamBam crashed his motorcycle, his most prized possession and although he told the younger boy that it was okay, you knew by the way his eyebrows furrowed and his jaw clenched that he was outraged. You reached out for his arm and winced when he yanked it away from you.

“Don’t you dare act like the victim here and try to pretend that you didn’t just fuck me over. I got it already y/n. We’re over. We’re done! Fine! That’s what you want, I have to learn to accept it but stop saying one thing and doing another. It’s not fair for either of us. Okay? I wish you the best with your life and I’m always going to love you. Don’t you ever forget that.” Before he could walk out that door, you gently called out his name.

“I don’t want to leave you.” He released a frustrated sigh but stayed in his place, as if he wanted to hear the rest of what you had to say.

“Y/n please don’t start—“

“I mean it. I don’t want to leave you Mark.” He turned around to face you and crossed his arms to prevent himself from reaching out to you. He didn’t know what you were thinking. Mark could read you like an open book. He knew when you were tired, hungry, bored, he knew when someone said something that upset you and he knew when you were about to cry. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to read you or your body language as of right now so he didn’t know what your next move would be. He wasn’t sure whether or not to put his guard up.

“Then don’t.” You let out a sarcastic chuckle that sent a chill down his spine. It was obvious that you were no longer the happy-go-lucky college freshman he fell in love with all those years ago and he hated this cold person you turned in to.

“If only it was that easy. If I had another choice, do you really think I would’ve packed up all my things with the intent of leaving? I’ve contemplated this for weeks Mark. It wasn’t an overnight decision. I had to write down the pros and cons of leaving. There were more pros then cons. I’m not myself anymore Mark. I have to leave you to find myself again. Okay? Maybe one day, if the universe feels like we are meant to be together, then we’ll find each other again. I have no doubt in my mind that you and I are soulmates. We need to live without each other to realize just how much we need one another.”

He brought his fingers up to the bridge of his nose and pinched it out of frustration. You were right. The only way the two of you would be okay again is if you spent time apart in order to realize you can’t be without the other person. “Fine. If that’s what you feel will help bring us together again, then I just have to go along with it. But if I go along with your wishes, you have to go along with mine.” He motioned for you to walk over to him and immediately pulled you back against his chest. “I want you hold me. Hold me as tightly as you can. Like you’re never going to let me go. Like I’m not going to wake up to an empty bed to—tomorrow morning.” Hearing his voice crack as he came to the realization that this was actually happening was heartbreaking. You squeezed him as hard as you could and left chaste kisses all around his face.

The two of you stood there holding each other for what felt like hours. You wanted to hold him and be held by him for as long as time permitted you to do so. However, as you were about to continue your ministrations, he gently gripped your chin and lowered your face so that you were eye level with him.

“I want to make love to you tonight. Is that okay?” You nodded quickly and he didn’t hesitate to pick you up by the back of your thighs and hoisted you up against his knee. He began to attack your collarbone with his lips all the while guiding you on top of the bed. He brought his knee in between your thighs and the feeling of the rough material from his dress pants against your core sent shivers down your spine.

Mark started to run his hand back and forth along your thigh and continued to grind himself against your clothed entrance in order to get any sort of friction against his growing erection. His lips were hot against yours and his tongue was roughly attacking every corner in your mouth. He made it aware that he was definitely not going easy on you tonight. Mark wasn’t sure when he would be able to have you like this again, or if he would ever be able to love on your body like this again, so he wanted to make a memory the two of you would never forget.

“Tell me what you want y/n.” You let out a wanton moan as he dragged his fingers agonizingly slow along your soaking folds.

“You, I want you.” To your dismay, he stopped his movements altogether and softly caressed your cheek.

“But you’re leaving me.” You were sure that the way he was looking at you, with tears forming in his eyes like a child who just got their favorite toy taken away from them was going to stay in your mind forever.

“Mark, please don’t start.” He released a frustrated grunt before lowering himself on top of you and kissing you all around your face.

“I’m sorry. Let me give you a reason to stay baby.” Mark was quick to remove your shirt and his fingers unclasped your bra, throwing it somewhere across the room. “Such pretty titties. How did I go so long without them?” You giggled softly before your eyes practically rolled to the back of your head once he brought one of your breasts inside of his mouth. Breast play was one of your favorite parts of sex and Mark was always so generous when it came to loving on your beautiful mounds. His mouth was warm against your nipple, licking and swirling around the hardened bud while he pinched and twisted your other nipple with his fingers. Your hands absentmindedly made their way in to his hair, gently tugging on it the longer he spent sucking on your breasts.

“Mmm—so good. Please don’t stop.” He continued his ministrations and you were so focused on him playing with your tits that you failed to notice his hand leave your nipple and make it’s way down to your clit. Feeling him pinch and flick your nub sent a pleasurable sensation to your core and you couldn’t help but release a breathy moan at how good it all felt. He yanked off both your pants and your underwear while he brought his fingers in to your cunt and began to pump them at a rough pace, not giving you any time to adjust or get comfortable. His fingers felt so good in your tight and velvety walls and you were sure by the way it felt and from past experiences that you could come by just his fingers alone. But that’s not what you wanted.

If this was under different circumstances, you would want him to take time loving on your body like he used to. However, you needed to be one with him. You wanted him inside of you. Mark made it obvious that he had his plans of how tonight was going to go with the way he was taking control of everything but you wanted to do things your way.

“Mark—as good as this all feels—mmm fuck—I need you inside of me. Now.” He pulled himself away from your chest and left a few kisses there before reconnecting your lips together but his fingers still had yet to leave your folds.

“I want that too baby, but you have to be patient. I want to have you in all the ways that I possibly can. I’m going to eat this pretty pussy of yours, you’re going to choke on my dick as I force it down your tight little throat and then I’ll fuck you like my life depends on it. Got it?” You found yourself nodding at his command only because he sounded so sexy whenever he was rough and dominant with you. As he made his way down to your core, he started leaving wet, sloppy kisses all along your body and even began to make his mark with a couple of hickeys here and there. He ran his fingers alongside your hips and soon you felt his hot breath against where you needed him the most. To your dismay, he began to tease you, biting on the inside of your thighs and massaging them while kissing just about your clit.

You knew exactly what he was doing and as much as you wanted to shove his head against your entrance so that he could relieve the burning sensation that was building in your tummy, you knew not to stop him from what he was doing. After a few moments of taking his time in dragging his hands along the lower half of your body, he finally licked a stripe along your folds earning himself a soft moan. An adorable chuckle fell from his lips as he began to eat you out like this was his last meal and the feeling made you wrap your legs around his neck. His pace was rough as he brought his tongue up and down your folds while nibbling and sucking on your clit.

Mark was always extremely generous whenever it came to eating you out. He knew your likes, your dislikes, what could make you scream and squirm to his liking. He did whatever he could to make you sing for him. Knowing he would get you to be more vocal by doing so, he shoved his two fingers back inside of you while continuing to lick and suck on your folds. The sensation was mind blowing and you wanted him to both stop, and to go faster. Feeling you tug on his hair as he continued loving on your soaking pussy made him go even faster. One of Mark’s biggest weaknesses was hair pulling. Whenever you’d pull on his soft, curly locks as a way to control your burning desire, the sensation would send chills down his spine.

It was obvious that you were close, your throaty moans and the way you were looking at him was proof enough that you were close to losing it and Mark took that as a sign to go all in. “M—Mark. Oh my God Mark—just like that. Your tongue and your fingers feels so good—I’m so close. Please—I want to come so badly.” Right as you felt him moan against your clit, you were releasing all over his tongue and screaming out in pleasure as he lapped up all of your juices. He took a few more moments sucking you clean before making his way back up to you and brought his fingers up to your mouth.

“Open. Now suck. You naughty little girl. Tell me how it tastes. So fucking good right? My pretty princess, are you ready to choke on me now? You made me hard just by those sounds you were making as I ate you out. Did it feel good? I need words baby.” You sucked on his fingers as seductively as you could, tasting yourself on top of them and releasing them from your mouth with a loud pop.

“So good. It felt and tasted amazing. You’re always so good to me Mark. I missed having your fingers inside of me. Let me take care of you now.” He didn’t even have to respond before you stole a sloppy kiss from the corner of his mouth and made your way down to your knees. Even from the beginning of your relationship, you always preferred giving head over receiving it. As good as Mark was to you whenever he went down on you, you loved the feeling of having his dick shoved down your throat. It was hard to explain, but you were sure having him get all rough and dominant with you was one of your biggest turn ons. Plus, hearing him grunt and groan about how good your mouth felt while he forced himself deeper down your throat always made you wet. You unzipped him from his pants and pulled them from his legs as quickly as you possibly could.

Since it’s been so long since you’ve had him like this, you were eager to have him back in to your mouth again. A part of you wanted to tease him, you loved getting a rise out of him by only touching and stroking him because you knew how desperate he was to fuck your mouth. But this time was different. Knowing it was your last night together, you didn’t want to waste one minute of it doing unnecessary things. You placed a kiss against his clothed dick and palmed him for a few seconds just to give yourself a moment to breathe. Finally, you pulled him out of the constraints of his underwear and you couldn’t help but drool at the sight of his painfully hardened and extremely red cock.

Mark was extremely well endowed. He was both long and thick, and although you were a firm believer that penises were extremely ugly, something about Mark’s would always make your mouth water. There were times where he had you beg to suck on his cock or to give him a hand job only because he knew how much you’d crave for it. You were quick to take it in your hand and licked a stripe against the slit earning you a soft moan. Then you began to circle your tongue around the tip knowing just how much Mark enjoyed it. You ran your thumb in between the slit as you began to lick stripes along the sides of his shaft and spit on it so it was lubricated enough to make it easier for you to pump him. As you began to bring your hand up and down his length, you looked up at him and licked your lips at the sight of him biting his bottom lip. The facial expressions he’d make while you’d suck him off were always so sexy. You continued to pump him although you knew exactly what he wanted you to do.

“Baby—baby please. I need your mouth—let me—let me fuck your pretty mouth—ah shit.” Hearing Mark beg wasn’t something you weren’t used to. He would always beg if the situation called for it. As much as he hated being submissive, only because he loved being the one in control, he loved seeing you get rough and taking the lead sometimes. Finally after what felt like forever, you took as much of him as you possibly could in to your mouth while fondling with his balls. You could feel his tip touch the back of your throat and you couldn’t help but moan at the feeling. His veins were throbbing against the sides of your cheeks and you brought your hands up to his thighs to support you as you continued your ministrations. The constant moans and curses that fell from his lips as you continued to bob your head back and forth sent warmth to your core. You loved getting to please Mark in any way that you could and hearing him admit how good your mouth felt made you mentally giggle.

“F—Fuck. Your mouth y/n—holy shit. So wet—so warm—so tight—I’m gonna Fuck the shit out of your face now, is that okay?” The hum against his cock caused him to release a content sigh and before you knew it, his hands were at the base of your hair, tying a makeshift ponytail so that he could have a letter grip on your long locks. He didn’t give you much time to prepare yourself as he began to shove his cock down your throat even deeper than you were already taking him. You couldn’t help but choke on it, the force was too much for you to handle but you didn’t want him to stop.

You continued to bob your head back and forth against him while sinking your nails in to the back of his thighs. His speed was relentless, it’s as if he was taking out all his anger and frustration from the thought of you leaving him on your mouth. He yanked your ponytail and pulled you off of him, making eye contact with you and you shivered at his animalistic he looked.

“My beautiful little cockslut, how does it feel having my big cock shoved down this pretty little throat? It feels so fucking good to me. You’re so good at sucking me off baby. You look so pretty like this, so dirty. I wanna see something real quick.” Before you could ask him what he meant, he brought his finger back down to your clit and rubbed at your folds all but gently. “You’re soaking angel. Sucking my dick got you this wet? You love sucking me off don’t you? Look at me y/n. Look at me while I fuck this dirty mouth of yours.” He brought himself back in to your mouth and glided his hips full force till his tip was grazing your uvula. Seeing him throw his head back at how good you were blowing him was such a beautiful sight. You loved seeing the look of pleasure on Mark’s face as you sucked him dry.

All too soon, you felt his warm, creamy liquid filling up your mouth and you did your best to milk him for everything he had. Once you were done, he pulled you up from off the ground and roughly brought your lips to his. “You are so fucking perfect y/n. God, what am I going to do without you?” You cupped his cheek and grazed his nose with your thumb. Although he just finished face fucking you, his worried and melancholic tone made your heart hurt. No matter how much fun you were having and how much you would miss being intimate with him; hell, just missing him in general, you had to leave him. It’s what you felt the two of you needed. Instead of allowing him to continue to make you feel guilty of breaking his heart, you pushed him down on the bed and removed his dress shirt; moaning softly to yourself when you saw his defined chest and growing six pack.

It was obvious that the two of you haven’t had sex in a while, he was still working on getting more built the last time you had him writhing underneath you. Now, you were screwed. His arms were definitely bigger and you were excited to have him pin you down with his more toned biceps. But before you’d allow him to be on top, you wanted to give him a little treat of his own. “Let me ride.” He groaned when you got on top of his lap and hovered over him. Cowgirl was one of your favorite positions because you loved the feeling of bouncing up and down Mark’s cock and with the way he would hide himself in the crook of your neck to prevent himself from being too loud made it aware to you that he was just as much a fan as you were.

You placed a gentle kiss on his cheek before sitting right on top of his extremely hardened erection. To Mark’s dismay, you began to tease him, grinding yourself back and forth along his length but not doing anything to help the painful feeling of wanting more. His hands made their way down to your waist and he gripped gently, helping guide you back and forth before whispering gentle threats in to your ear. “Keep teasing me and I’ll make sure you won’t be able to walk for the rest of the week princess. I’m going to fuck the living shit out of you, that’s a promise.” Your eyes rolled to the back of your head at how vulgar his words were and you finally did the both of yourselves a favor by guiding him to your entrance.

You brought him along your folds to lubricate him enough before finally sinking on top of him. The two of you moaned in sync at how delicious the stretch felt. It’s been so long since he’s been in you and Mark considered calling himself a born again virgin. Your walls clenched around him and the older boy felt embarrassed because he was sure that he was going to come before actually getting to move. In between your thighs was Mark’s favorite place to be and he felt overwhelmed by how tight you were.

“Fuck—shit—shit—I’m going to need you to do something baby—move y/n—move! Ahhh—just like that princess. Bounce on me—mmmmm.” You began to bounce on his cock at such a quick pace you’d give jack rabbits a run for their money. The sound of skin on skin slapping echoed throughout the room alongside of both your moans, whines and cusses of how good it felt fucking each other. Your ass clapped against his thighs as the tip of his cock kissed your cervix with every thrust. Mark was a power bottom, even if you were on top he’d never let you do anything by yourself. He pinched and slapped at your ass while bringing one of your breasts in to his mouth and harshly sucking on it. His name fell off your lips like a mantra, you couldn’t get over how amazing this all felt.

His fingers began to twist at your nipple while he began to bring the other one in between his teeth. Your hands made their way in to his hair, gently tugging at his scalp and you continued gyrating your hips against his. To your dismay, you felt Mark grabbing at your ass and lifting you up from off of his lap. He knew you were going to ask him what he was doing, so he flipped you over and tossed you on the bed while connecting your lips together.

“I’m so fucking close and we’ve only been at this for fifteen minutes. I refuse to come in such a short amount of time and when I do come inside this pretty pussy of yours, I wanna see your face while I do it. Fuck, I will never get over how huge and beautiful your tits are. I would suck on them all day if I could. But now, now I want to fuck your brains and blow your back out. Ready for me baby?” You nodded quickly against his neck and he took no time to line himself up at your entrance before entering you and filling you up to the hilt. You hid your face in his chest and bit down on your hand to prevent yourself from screaming out at how erotic this all was, but he yanked your hand from out of your mouth and growled.

“So fucking tight—don’t hide those pretty sounds baby. Let everyone know whose fucking you this good. Scream my name y/n. Let the neighbors know who this pussy belongs to.” His pace was rough and very quick as he began to bury himself inside of you. The headboard started to hit up against the wall and you were sure you’d be hearing complaints and knocks against the walls pretty soon with how loud the two of you were being. He brought your legs up on to his shoulders because he knew he could hit you deeper in this position. His cock felt so good against your core with each and every thrust and he brought his finger up to your clit, flicking and pinching at your already swollen nub.

“M—Mark—holy shit Mark—mmmmm—so big—so good—faster please—I need you to go faster.” You didn’t have to ask him twice. His balls began to hit the back of your ass and you couldn’t help but to scratch his back in response to how insane it was driving you. Sweat was building up on both of your bodies and the room wreaked of sex. He started to pepper your face with kisses and smiled at you gently causing your heart to flutter. To your confusion, he motioned for you to drop your legs and brought himself deeper in to your thighs. He reached up at your hands and intertwined while slowing down his pace.

“Y/n.” You didn’t want to make eye contact with him because you knew you would tear up if you were to look at him, but you found yourself staring up at him anyway. He brushed back some of your hair and left a chaste kiss on your lips before gazing at you. The animalistic look in his eye was no longer there. It was now softer, more gentle and you could’ve sworn you saw a tear fall from his cheek.

“I love you. With every single bone and breath in my body. For today, tomorrow and I’m sure the rest of my life, I will love you and only you. Please—please don’t leave me. I can’t live without you. You’re the reason for my existence, you’re the cause of the smile on my face. My heart, it only beats for you. I love you—I love you—so fucking much—I love you.” With each and every thrust, confessions of love and pleas to not leave him fell from his pretty lips. His eyes never left yours once and the only time he let go of your hand was to wipe the tears that came down the longer the two continued to relinquish in what was left of your love. With the way his cock was throbbing in between your legs, you knew he was close and you weren’t too far away. He connected your lips together and before you knew it, you were being filled with his cum.

“Come on baby, let go for me.” His words alone brought you to sheer ecstasy and you were releasing not too long after him. He plopped himself on top of you and the two of you just laid there in silence, just basking in the other’s presence. His heartbeat was loud against your chest and you were sure he could hear yours too. He ran his fingers through your hair and left soft kisses among it. After lying with each other for a few moments, Mark decided the two of you were in desperate need of a shower.

“God, I will never get over how beautiful you are. You’re the most beautiful girl in the world. Let’s get you cleaned up baby.” In Mark’s words, “lets get you cleaned up” meant another round in your shower. He had you up against the wall while he fucked in to you from behind and once you were done, he took you up against the fridge and on top of the couch. If this was going to be your last night together, he was going to make the most of it. The two of you were exhausted after hours of passionate and extremely steamy love making so Mark helped you change in to one of his shirts and tucked you in to bed before finishing getting himself ready to go to sleep.

The tears were hot on your cheeks as you waited for him to join you. Is this how it was going to be without him? The bed was cold and empty and so was your heart. Could you really live without him? When he finally rejoined you in bed, he was quick to pull you against his bare chest and wrapped his arms around your lower back. He smashed his cheek against yours and released an exasperated sigh. “Stay with me tonight, please.” You hesitantly nodded before placing a light kiss on his chest. “Do you have a place to stay?”

“Yeah, my sister offered me to live with her until I find a place of my own.”

“You don’t have to do this you know, you could stay. I can fix this. We can be okay again—“ the soft pinch on his bicep told him otherwise.

“Can we pretend like none of this is happening and just hold each other and talk—“

You were quick to pick up on the way his brows were furrowing and how he let go of your waist in order to clench his fist. He sighed heavily before interrupting you, the anger in his voice sent chills down your spine.

“How the fuck am I supposed to pretend like nothing’s wrong y/n? You’re leaving me! You’re not giving us a chance! You’re running away from your problems, from me. Am I supposed to be all happy, sunshine and rainbows when you’re breaking my fucking heart? No way. Let’s be real here y/n. Once you leave, there’s no turning back. We will never be the same. We’ll be strangers again. Like we didn’t plan out our lives together. Like you aren’t the one I plan on spending the rest of my life with. It’s like I mean nothing to you. Like the last four years of our relationship meant nothing to you.”

Hearing him choke on his words again made your heart hurt. Mark was always the strong one in your relationship. Although he was sensitive, he hardly ever cried in front of you because he never wanted to seem weak. He’s admitted to you that he would cry after the two of you would argue, but not once have you ever seen him cry in front of you. You lovingly wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. He must’ve had the same mindset as you and pushed the negative thoughts to the back of his mind.

“Can we—still be friends?” He gave you a knowing look while shaking his head.

“You and I both know there’s no way we can be just friends. Not after everything we’ve been through. Not when I still have feelings for you and I probably always will. How am I supposed to look at you and resist the urge to want to pull you in my embrace and kiss you with everything I have? There’s no way. I’m sorry. If I can’t have you in my life as my girlfriend, then there’s no point of having you at all.” He grazed your cheek with his thumb. “Do you really think this is the end for us y/n? Do you not see yourself spending the rest of your life with me like I do with you?”

“Of course I do Mark. All I want and could ever want is you. Everything we planned for ourselves, our future, the house with a big yard and our kids running around, I want all of that. I just need some time. Please don’t make this harder than it already is.” He placed his chin on your shoulder and left a soft kiss there.

“We don’t have much time left together. Let’s make the most of it shall we?” The two of you stayed up for a few hours reminiscing on your time together and updated each other on what was going on in your lives that the other didn’t know about. Since both you and Mark were spent from making love to one another, it didn’t take him long to fall asleep. You however, decided to take this time to adore Mark while you still could. You brought your fingers up to his face and traced his features as softly as you could in fear of waking him up. Mark was a sight for sore eyes. He was breathtakingly handsome and the fact that he was extremely kind, generous and golden hearted made him all the more attractive than he already was.

You wish things could be different. If only your mind would allow you to believe that he was going to change. That things would be different but deep down, you knew there was a huge chance he was all talk. He would treat you right and make things better, but it wouldn’t last long. Your heart could no longer handle this rollercoaster you called a relationship.

After being selfish and taking as much time as you could in his arms, you tried your best to take his arm off of your waist without waking him. Then you grabbed a pair of sweats and made your way in to the bathroom to change, not wanting to make a sound and end up waking the sleeping figure you were trying to get away from. You debated on whether or not you should change out of his shirt, you knew you would end up crying every time you were to look at it but you decided to keep it. You loved Mark’s smell, it was addicting. Just as you were finished, you snuck back in to the room and began to write him a quick note and placed it on your pillow then you went to his side of the bed and placed a long kiss on his lips.

“I love you so much Mark. You’re mine and I’m yours. Never forget it.” You took one more look at him and forced yourself to hold back your sobs. Your adorable little puppy Milo came running towards you when he noticed you making your way towards the door with all your bags. You knelt down and playfully ruffled his fur. “I’m going to miss you Mai. Take care of daddy for me would you?”

When Mark woke up the next morning to a more vacant bed, he began to panic although he knew there was a huge chance that you left already. That’s how you were, whenever you put your mind to something, you always went through with it. Breaking up with Mark was no different. He allowed the tears and his muffled cries to fill up the room as he began to scream in to his pillow. Why did he have to fall asleep? He could’ve stopped you if he tried a little harder. It was in the moments where he was throwing his fists around that he felt something crunch under the sheets. He picked up your note and his sobs only got louder as he began to read what you had to say.

My dearest Mark,

If you’re reading this, I have already taken my things and left. We’ll find each other again one day and until then, live your best life and take care of yourself. I’m sorry things had to end this way, but I needed to do this for myself. Just because I’m leaving you doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. Don’t you ever question my love for you okay? I love you more than you will ever know.

Forever yours,

Y/n

They say if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it’s yours forever. If not, then it was never meant to be.

Let this be our lesson in love Let this be the way we remember us I don't wanna be cruel or vicious And I ain't asking for forgiveness All I ask isIf this is my last night with you Hold me like I'm more than just a friend Give me a memory I can use Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do It matters how this ends 'Cause what if I never love again?

#got7 imagines #got7 mark #mark tuan #mark tuan got7 #got7 #got7 angst #mark tuan angst #got7 smut #mark tuan smut #mark tuan imagines

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tothestarsandbackmoved · 5 years ago

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Rant about interstellar

i have before but ill do it again!

interstellar touches me for many many reasons.

first off, the entire premise and setting and the world building in it. the dust storms, the failing crops. the protagonist does say at one point- "humanity was born on earth. they were never meant to stay here" and that just,,, hits me you know? presently we've seen the emergence of no human exploration besides the probes and the ISS. there are plans but the same curiosity just seems dead. interstellar stretches that and shows us what would happen when human curiosity and the desire to explore would die. we'd kill everyone on the planet and soon starve ourselves. the blights- the illnesses- the dead medicare- that's a very bleak future, but a very real one. the movie does both its part about scaring the viewer about it- as well as giving us hope about wormholes and quantum data and singularities and how we'd save ourselves. you can see that the old generation is talking about their days and how better or worse it would be. in the end, on the cooper satellites, you see the interviews being played- and it really breaks me. that was a generation that thought it was the end. the end of human life. the final descent and that was it. and then they see the five dimensions and getting lifted and their lives are essentially turned around. this isn't just the older people though. we see that the gen z then, like cooper's son have also mostly been brought up to *live*. we see that he tries to get into school and actually get into uni and find a job in one of the remaining sectors of the world which still offer something other than farm corn- raise family. You see that the teachers also say this? they teach them to fight blights and sustain crops because they’re losing more and more to disease each year. Humanity’s slowly being packed up and demolished and they aren’t seeing it coming. at all.

then there’s the quote which is recurring throughout the movie:

“do not go gentle into the good night”

the professor says this all the time. as they’re leaving- his last few dying words- as they’re preparing. and you know what? i’ll say it. this is where the next important theme comes in. Desperation. When he initially sends them out- he hasn’t solved gravity yet, and he knows he never will. Not without the quantum data from a black hole- something again, he can never get. Which is why he implies that there’s a Plan B and cooper can see murphy again (this is also very important- scroll down for this). He breaks all their trust- and he knows he’ll die before seeing the end of the mission- and you can’t die with guilt, not really. He knows that he can’t be held accountable because he’s dead. He’s well aware that his plan is a hail mary- and it wouldn’t have worked anyways. He’s counting on Plan B, and that’s all there is to it. He uses the quote as a reminder to himself- because he’s torn too. He isn’t inherently evil, at all. He’s the precarious thread the entire mission dangles by- but he’s willing to risk that too. He’ll be long, long dead before humanity dies- or moves- and this is his last try.

Now for the second part of this quote. As I talked about before- the quote feels more like a reminder to himself- and not actually something that inspires hope in the crewmates. But ironically, it ends up becoming what guides murph. As the professor is dying, she tells him “you’ve been doing this with both your arms tied behind your back”- that’s actually when she finds out about his whole plan. This is the failure of the professor- but at the same time, it becomes the moment he passes the torch to murph. The professor died, knowingly sending his own daughter into the reaches of space. He prioritized his need to save humanity over the love for his own daughter. But, murph isn’t like that. When she finds out about this, she remembers the promise her dad made to her.

“I’ll be back when you’re the age I am now”

and now, she knows he’s lied. But he hasn’t done it on purpose. and she understands that. She makes it HER goal that they don’t go gentle into the good night. She knows that this is probably futile, but she’s going to try. and she’s not going to try thinking that she’ll probably fail- like the professor did (in resignation for plan B)- she’s going to try to bring cooper back.

Third, coming back to desperation. A bold, bold act of desperation is what dr mann did. (I have some qualms about the actor playing estranged astronauts- anyways). Him sending out that sensor- knowing that it will bring humans back to him, while simultaneously jeopardizing the entire mission, and possibly the fate of humanity. He knows what he has done- but he has gone insane alone- and he’d betray his entire cause to see a human face again. This movie really says something about what humans are willing to do. On one hand, you have a woman who singlehandedly saves them all- for human love, and on the other, a man who is willing to commit genocide (that’s what i think it is, dont ask) to see someone else. He messes up everything, deliberately, and goes from “the greatest and bravest man to walk the earth” to a “cold and desperate villain”. This theme has a lot to do with what is happening right now too. Forgive the activism, but we do have people who knowingly exploit and burn and ravage the earth, for their own good- and they’re insane to the point that they genuinely can’t see right from wrong. Sure, you could argue that he was motivated by the need to preserve your own life. But if you give his cause *any* context, you see how wrong he is. This is flailing human desperation, pure and simple.

Now, approaching the themes that actually make it as good as it is. Dr Brand is easily my favourite character in the movie. We get to see her as a brilliant scientist initially, and her arc- is perfect, honestly. For example, take the wormhole handshake- as their going through interdimensional space- where time isn’t linear and your brain gets fried if you try to comprehend it- she recognizes a *being* in that space. If you recall that scene, she reaches out, and meets *them*- someone she knows is otherworldly and entirely above humans (we later learn it is Cooper in the matrix- and i have things to say about that too) and makes contact. She suggests, as both a human- and a scientist- that it may be love that transcends dimensions. She makes first contact with beings that may be their salvation- or destruction- and i think that is definitely the peak of human existence.

She argues that love may be what connected the crew to higher dimensions, and I'll dare to say that she’s right. Love is what made Cooper try to contact murph. Love is what made them dare to save humans. Love was what got her there. She tells them to go to Edmund's planet- not just because she loves him, but because she also makes relevant points AND her gut. It might be stretching it to say that was why she was right- but it is worth introspection. Dr Brand represents the best of humanity and she does carry it, doesn’t she? She settles on the planet for ‘the long nap’ in the end. She tries to save everyone- like on the mountain planet- and she loves. She hopes and she trusts and is unwaveringly honest and courageous. This could become a Dr Brand stan blog for all I care.

Moving on

We have the ‘them’. These are the mysterious threads that tie all parts of the movie together. A black hole to a little girl’s bookshelf. Worlds galaxies apart. A very important thing to note here is that the characters recognize that this is humanity, just very, very far out. And most importantly, wise. This is a civilization who has surpassed the ordinary dimensions, and *mortal* time. They could’ve easily saved all of humanity and given them the planet they were looking for. But their entire ineffable plan, and only putting things where they were needed- was what made them greater than just someone who helps others. Only being able to get binary signals through an intergalactic wormhole, building bookshelves that become a huge metaphor for humanity trying to claw at knowledge- and actually slowly pushing the books forward. The ‘them’ weren’t ordinary humans at all. They definitely hinted and gave me a brief, fickle glance beyond what humans could be- raw possibilities.

Then, we have cooper. This makes it hard to write for him- and do his character justice- but I will try. His character, essentially, is brought down to selflessness, love, a brutal, brutal sense of humour- and the courage- the heavy, heavy courage to sacrifice himself. He’s also the polar opposite of what Dr mann stands for.

His first important point- in my opinion- is when the movie is starting. I didn’t walk in expecting this from him, not really. You see a dying earth- and this man is (alone in his fight, NASA doesn’t count yet) fighting the system alone. He fights for his son, tries for his father in law, and then the most important relationship- his daughter. He’s seeing an earth where not even *children* are curious, or willing, or interested in anything greater. He sees this in his daughter, though. Hence, the bookshelf- the gravity, and the plain curiosity.

I’ll dare to say that at this point, humanity’s a dying, dying flame. And what he sees in his daughter, what we see in his daughter, is a rebirth of potential. She has the human spark, so to speak. He sees that, and he makes promises, and is willing to bring the world to its knees to protect her. And he knows he might not be there when Murph burns strong, and bright, and becomes the saviour of humanity- but he hopes. An important element is the promise, which I mentioned earlier, but it defines their relationship. The promise that he’ll be back when they’re the same age. They both know that it’s not true. They can see the lie, but that promise also empowers them to do what they did when their paths diverge.

Cooper goes to Mann's planet with the vague hope that he’ll be back in time. Murph does most of what she does because she thinks that it’ll bring her father back. Even towards the end, when Cooper willingly jumps into gargantua, a supermassive black hole- which is the literal heart of darkness, he does it in the attempt to save his daughter, and hopes she can get the quantum data at the cost of his life.

About Murph, we mostly see her through the eyes of Cooper in the beginning. A curious and lovable and stubborn tween who just wants to grow up with her dad and do their science experiments. Her perseverance is phenomenal- she loses her dad despite her warnings and asking- and realizes that her loss is something undefinable, but there. In a way, she grows to understand both her responsibility and her part to play, and why her father did what he did. The ‘ghost’ is another plot device- a mysterious figure who messes with the gravity and knocks her books down. And she sees a message there. She tells him about ‘don’t go’ and i can’t begin to describe how beautifully poetic and heartbreaking it is that they realize the significance of that at the same time, and how it ties together. It is hard for me to fathom that scene really- cooper is in an interdimensional matrix, inside a supermassive black hole, and he tries to tell his daughter two things. (a) trying to stop himself from going out and on the mission, which he knows is deemed to fail and (b) sending the quantum data, because that is what mattered in the end, anyways. The ghost comes full circle- and also says what he had to say, when it was most important. And for those who’ve seen the movie, i just really have to put this quote out there:

‘It was you. It was always you. You were my ghost, dad’

And in that, the movie completes itself. It talks about unfailing love, the peak and fall of humanity, and the potential of curiosity.

In this essay I will...

#nasa #interstellar #christopher nolan #did i spend an hour writing this and loved every second of it? yes #nanowrimo #i think it does count as an entry its over 2000 words #thanks for the ask #tw rant #mango pickle

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ultraintrovertedgryffindor · 5 years ago

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Just Like You - Kenny McCormick(South Park)

I wrote this a really long time ago when I was obsessed with South Park. I don’t know why lmao, but here it is.

Warning: Also wrote this when I was an edgy teen™, so cringe and possible trigger warning.

~~~~~~~~~~

Welp, today’s the day...

New town. New house. New school.

My parents had gotten a better job offer here in this little town of South Park, much to my dismay. I love traveling, but moving from a large city in New York to a small mountain town in Colorado is a lot.

It should be interesting though, more opportunities that I’ve never gotten before. Although, I still have to go to school. The local South Park high school.

I put on my outfit for school and wear my black coat over it. It seems to always snow here, only on rare occasions it gets warm. I run downstairs and grab a piece of toast my mother made from the kitchen. I find a note on the counter.

Have a good first day of school, hon. Try to make some friends, and yes, that means being nice to people. Your father and I will not be back until tomorrow morning, so keep those memories of your first day in you head until we can hear about it. Love you!

My mother is a freak, I love her, but she’s a freak. I’m surprised my father has a job with all the day drinking he does. It helps him get work done, I guess.

I walk to school still eating my buttered toast. Approaching the school, I take in its features. It’s an ugly yellow color. Although, I think all bright colors are ugly. I walk in the school and all eyes are on me. I pretend not to notice. I get my class schedule and such from the receptionist and make my way towards my locker.

“You must be new. I think I would’ve recognized an ass that fine before.” A brunette says to me. I roll my eyes and huff.

“As a matter of fact, I am new. I was hoping for something better than a lame catcall on my first day, but at least you tried.” I said and patted him on the shoulder. He glared, tears filling in his eyes, and stomped off.

I bet he’s never been rejected in his entire life, poor soul.

I walk into my first class and immediately get called on. “Well, hello there! You must be the new student. Y/N right? Well, I’m Mr. Garrison and this here is my little friend Mr. Hat. Say hello Mr. Hat!”

Okay...already creeped the fuck out. Something about his southern accent and oh yeah, his fucking creepy ass puppet just rubs me the wrong way.

“Now, please, go take a seat. Wait...are you a troublemaker?” He asks.

“Oh no. Not at all, sir.” I lie. It’s easy to lie. I have a natural talent for it.

“Oh alright, I guess you can sit next to Kenny. That boy in the orange coat. You can keep him in check.”

Will do, you creepy old fuck.

I take my seat next to the blonde haired boy. He’s kinda cute actually. After class a group of boys came up to me, including that Kenny kid.

“Hi, new kid! Just thought we’d introduce ourselves. I’m Kyle. This here’s Stan, Cartman, and Kenny.” The redhead said.

“Holy shit, look at those tits!”

“Cartman!” Kyle scolded.

“Well, first off. It’s Y/N, not new kid. And nice to meet you too...I guess.” I said and walked off.

Yeah, I don’t have great people skills. My harshness has pushed people away. I’m trying to work on it. But determined from what the fatass said I probably don’t wanna be friends with those dudes.

Off to lunch, finally. Hopefully the lunch here is better than the ones at my old school. I took my tray and looked around the lunchroom. Everyone in groups or pairs. I see one empty table. I head towards it and sit down.

The food isn’t that bad, but I’ll definitely be bringing my own from now on. While I was eating I noticed people staring at me. One, that Kenny kid, and two, that guy that used that lame catcall. I got uncomfortable real quick.

The rest of school was a bust. It was boring. Now, I want something fun to do. I heard that there’s a pond near here, that sounds like fun. I asked directions to where the pond was, which I found out was called Stark’s Pond, and headed there.

I approached and noticed no one was there. Perfect.

I looked around in my bookbag for some rope, and luckily I carry some around with me at all times. I look a heavy looking rock and tie it to the rope. I’m not that heavy so it should work.

I tie the other end of the rope around my ankle. I throw the boulder into the pond and it yanks me down, breaking my ankle. It drags me down until the rock rests at the bottom of the pond.

It’s dark and cold. I’m floating, suspended in time. I look up and see the sunlight breaking through the surface of the water, but it’s not enough to reach me. My hair flies around, loose and tangling each other. I reach up and run my fingers through my soft hair.

It starts...I try to gasp for breath but it isn’t there. My lungs start to burn with fire as no oxygen reaches them and they only fill with water as I struggle for air.

I always find this part of drowning so fascinating. Your survival instincts kick in and you try so desperately to fight to survive but come up short when your lungs fill completely with water and your body becomes stiff and frozen.

I black out.

*The Next Morning*

I gasp and bolt upright from my bed.

I sigh in relief to see that I’m back again, in my new home. Every time I die, there’s always a part of me that’s afraid I’ll never come back, and yet I always do.

The first time it happened, I was 10. I was at a birthday party. It was my friend’s party cake that killed me. Someone, while making the cake, accidentally put poison in it. I don’t know how in the hell someone “accidentally” puts poison in a cake, but it happened.

I started to feel hungry, it wasn’t time eat yet but the cake was on the kitchen table and I couldn’t help myself. I took a small piece of cake, it was delicious but it caused me to foam out the mouth and have a seizure. I died almost instantly. Good thing I died otherwise the rest of those kids would’ve had a bad day.

Then I woke up in my bed the next morning.

The hardest part was that no one remembered that I died, but I did. I remember the whole painful experience, and my parents didn’t even believe me. They took me to counseling after that, not that it helped.

One day, a few weeks after the first time I died, I tried crossing the road without my parents. I looked both ways and no cars were coming as far as I could tell. As soon as I almost crossed the, a car came out of no where and completely wrecked me. Again, I woke up in my bed like nothing happened.

The day after I built up the courage enough to test out the theory that I was unkillable. My dad had a 9 mil in his safe. I shot myself, and just like that, I woke up in my bed the next day.

At first, I was insanely afraid of myself and it wasn’t until last year that I realized it could be fun.

I’ve tested out so many ways of dying. Yesterday at the pond was my first time drowning, but I wanted to get over it cause I knew I’d drown soon even if I avoided it. Next on my list is falling to my death, but besides drowning heights is my biggest fear. Heights might be a good excuse to procrastinate getting that done.

I get up out of bed and take a quick shower. I wonder if I’ll ever stop being immortal? It’s probably a good thing I am since I’ve become so accident prone.

After my shower, I quickly got dressed and jogged down the stairs, almost falling in the process. I walked into the kitchen where I saw my parents.

“Y/N! Hello, sweetie!” My mom said and gave me a hug.

“Hey.” I said.

My mom was making waffles and my dad was just sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. Dick never pays any attention to me.

“So, how was your first day of school? Did you make any friends?”

“Uh, not really. Some guys introduced themselves to me, but you know how I am with people. And school was fine, learned a lot, teachers are a freaky though.” I paused. “Oh, and I drowned myself at Stark’s Pond.” I said nonchalantly.

My mom sighed. “That’s nice dear.”

Ever since I’ve been experimenting with dying over and over, I’ve been telling my parents about it. They never believe me of course. Even when one time I purposely hurt myself and bled to death in front of them, but they never remember. My dad didn’t really give a shit though. Anyway...

“I’m going to school now. Later!” I said, walking out the door.

Hmm, maybe I should take the bus. I wait at the bus stop, cause I don’t feel like walking to school.

“Y/N!” I flinch when I heard my name being called out. I turn to see Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman walking up to me. “I didn’t know you took the bus.” Kyle went on to say.

“Didn’t really feel like walking to school today.” I said, looking down and kicking the ground beneath me absentmindedly.

The bus finally arrived and we all walked on, I sat in the very back by myself. Until Kenny decided to sit next to me.

“Mmph!” He said, well I don’t exactly know he said. His bright orange parka covering his face made his voice muffled. I’m just gonna assume he said hi.

“Hi.” I replied.

“Mmph mmph mmph mph mmmph mmph!”

“Uh...huh?”

He rolled his eyes and took off his hood, revealing a mop of messy dirty blonde hair. “I said, how are you liking school so far?” He said.

“Oh, um. It’s okay, I guess.” I smiled.

“You guess? Okay, so I take it you don’t really like it.”

“Well, it always sucks when you’re the new kid and you have no friends.” I sighed.

“No friends, huh? Well, I’ll be you friend. I’m sure Kyle and Stan will too!” He said, making me blush. Darn. “Aw, you’re blushing!”

“Shut up. I always blush.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Kenny smirked.

When we finally got to school Kenny walked me to class, which was nice. He’s actually really nice and funny, also really adorable.

*A Week Later*

School so far has been good. I’ve grown really close to Kenny, since he’s basically my only friend.

Kenny invited me to sit with him at his table, I agreed. Stan and Kyle seemed to enjoy my company though, Cartman didn’t. Didn’t like me for some reason, although he could be just an asshole all the time.

As the talk started to slow down and lunch was almost over, I looked around the lunchroom to avoid small talk. I saw the guy with brown hair staring at me again, but looked away when I saw him. “Hey, Kenny?”

“Yeah?”

“Who is that guy over there?” I ask, discreetly pointing at him.

“Oh, that guy in the red coat is Clyde. Why?” Kenny asked.

“Oh, no reason. He was just staring at me my first day here and also today. He also kinda catcalled me that day too.”

Kenny noticeably frowned. “He has?”

“Yeah, but it’s probably nothing.” I stuttered a little. Kenny giggled.

“You’re cute when you stutter.” He smiled, which made me blush. “Aw, you’re blushing again.” He poked my blushing cheeks.

“Ugh, stop.” I whined, and shoved his hand away.

The rest of school was okay. Kenny stayed by my side the whole day, I didn’t mind, but he seemed like he was in a clingy mood which was weird. “I’ll walk you home.” Kenny said.

“Oh, no, you don’t have to do that.” I said.

“Nah, I insist.” He said.

Well, who could say no to Kenny. We were almost to my house, we had to cross the street first. We both walked side by side, Kenny had his arm around my shoulders to which I giggled. I suddenly hear a loud horn, I tried to push Kenny out of harm’s way but it was too late.

We’d both been run over by a semi-truck.

I gasp and bolt upright from my bed in a cold sweat.

Oh, god. Kenny. We both got hit. I tried to get Kenny out of the way, but I was too late. I let him get run over. He’s probably dead because of me.

I start to sob. He’s dead and it’s my fault. My fucking fault. God no. Why couldn’t it have just been me? I wouldn’t even care if I wasn’t able to come back, I just want Kenny to still be alive.

My alarm went off. I smashed it. I’m not going to school today. I can’t. Everyone probably knows Kenny’s dead and they’re mourning him school. I can’t be knowing it’s my fault.

My doorbell rings.

Ugh...I don’t feel answering the door. The person is now beating on the door, damn they’re persistent.

I get up to yell at the person who’s beating down my door. I mumble profanities as I answer it. My heart stops. Not literally but it feels like it.

“K-Kenny?” I start sobbing as I take the blonde haired boy in my arms, holding tightly. “I thought you died!” I sob. I pull away. His face looks like he’s in shock, also confused.

“You...you remember?” He asks.

“Of course I do! I tried pushing you out of the way of that truck, I guess I succeeded.” I sigh in relief.

“But...how? I thought you died too.” He said, flabbergasted.

“What do you mean too? Wait, you remembered I died?” I ask, also so confused.

“Y/N, I died. You didn’t push me out of the way in time, but I didn’t save you either. We both died,” he paused, “and we both remember.”

Suddenly, Kenny grabs both my upper arms and pulls me close to him and gives me a passionate kiss.

I pull away, shocked. “Woah....what was that for?”

“I’m sorry. It’s just...nobody has ever remembered me dying. No one, but you can.” Kenny explained.

“And you remember me dying?” I ask.

Kenny nods. “You’re the first person that remembers me dying too.” He says.

I don’t know what to say or do. This has never happened to me before. I think Kenny feels the same, since we’re both just stood awkwardly at my front door. I finally break the silence.

“Kenny, I thought you died, and I’ve never been more scared in my entire life.” I said, with still a few salty tears flowing down my red cheeks.

“I was too.” Kenny said. “Well, looks like we have more in common than I originally thought.” He giggled.

~~~~~~~~~~

#south park #south park fanfiction #kenny mccormick #kenny mccormick x reader

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peachyunjinnie · 5 years ago

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❝there’s always a first time❞ hjs ― m.

― summary:

your brother seungmin is very protective over you, but one day your best friend gave you a stick and poke tattoo and you get an infection. fortunately seungmin’s friend jisung as a hobby tattoo fanatic helps you take care of it and when seungmin wasn’t there you two decide to run away.

badboy!jisung/goodgirl!reader | fluff, smut | 5.3k ↬ content warnings: swear words, the mention of alcohol and drugs. drunk/high sex, with a little size and corruption kink.

a/n: i had this idea a couple of days ago and i tried my best to get this idea into a fic, i hope you enjoy it !!

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The relationship between me and my cousin Seungmin is better than with anyone else, you could say that we could consider ourselves as siblings and even best friends. We had the same taste in humor and even better lived in the same house after my mother died right after she gave birth to me. My father ended up bringing me to my aunt and uncle at the age of 2.

Seungmin is 1 year older and has ‘BBPI’ as he calls it which means Big Brother Protection Instinct. I know, complete nonsense and as a 16-year old I don’t get why I have to be protected. Well, as Seungmin said I am still ‘his small sister’. Pathetic. As said before Seungmin is 1 year older to be exact 11 months and 28 days and has friends, for whatever reason, he has a whole group. Well, he warned me about one of them, the walking trouble: Han Jisung. He basically is the opposite of me, a 180 if you want to say it.

He stole the car of his stepfather numerous of times and I remember seeing him drunk and completely stoned in school, that I will never forget. Last year he was stumbling through the hallways of our school. His hair messy and his smile never leaving his lips. He had the hardest time trying to keep his eyes open, or even just keeping his legs moving. And the best part, he puked on his teacher's chest. It was the highlight of the whole day, no the whole semester. His stepfather thank god is very wealthy and managed to keep him in school, somehow.

I heard a lot of rumors about this Jisung and I really do not want to believe that he was in the Russian mafia boss nor do I want to believe that he killed his father and is living with his mother who helped him. It was really funny though to hear how unique and ridiculous the fantasies and the gossip was at our school, I mean a Russian mafia boss, seriously?

I hung out with my own friends, but sometimes I would get to talk and just meet my brother’s friends. In conclusion, we even had the same taste in friends. They were really nice. I really have the best friendship with Felix and Changbin. Felix firstly has an excellent taste in music and humor, secondly, he is by far one of the most concentrated gamer I’ve ever met. Changbin is just Changbin. He is kind of annoying and clingy with his friends. Which you would’ve never expected from this buff hulk. And to be completely honest with you, Changbin and Lix...are kind of cute together.

Well, with Seungmin being as protective as he is, he has told me clearly that dating is already a picky topic but dating one of his group members. I think he would be as angry as he was when I asked him what a ‘Day6′ was. He really ignored me for 3 weeks straight, with a text message saying ‘if you know who wonpil is then you are allowed to talk to me’. (stan day6, cowards.)

“Stop moving so much, I’ve done it before and you’re overreacting.” She whisper-screamed. She was nearly done with her K on my thigh, It was way bigger than I thought it would be, but it looked good.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m just getting poked by a hot needle on my thigh over and over again.” My sarcasm was louder than the thoughts in my head that were shouting lines of ‘you’re so in trouble’ or ‘you will never be able to get this off your skin’.

“So.. Here we go. Done.” She said as she was looking at her masterpiece of a K on my thigh of the size of a thumb. But it looked even and nice. She has done a (The first letter of y/n) on her thigh. I cannot believe how red it was though, and swollen. Extremely swollen

“Kim, when will it be ‘okay’?” I asked her with a slight nervous undertone. I really am the biggest chicken on earth. She opened her bag and got saran wrap. She took some out and wrapped it over her creation with such a soft touch. I still cringed and squinched.

“Maybe a week or two. It doesn’t take too long.” She smiled at our bond. I smiled with her. We ended up in a big hug and stayed like this for some time before she packed her stuff and headed out.

I admired her work on my thigh and stood up, with an overwhelming pain spreading across my thigh. I couldn’t stand up on my own feet, my thigh stung extremely and harshly.

Panic rising through me, what the heck should I do now? Should I call my mom and tell her about it? Should I tell Seungmin and ask him for help? Should I just emigrate to Brazil and start my new life as a Silvia Theresa Rodriguez?

I crawled to my bed and tried my best to let the 2 years drama club pay off. I called my mom and asked for a painkiller. She came up to my room and sat on the edge of my bed.

“Honey, is everything okay?” Her concerned eyes scanned my body and noticed my messy hair and my pale face. I coughed.

“Mom, I-I’m sick.” She sat there and looked at me and gave me the painkiller with a glass of water.

I snatched it out of her hand and gulped the pill down as if it were the only banana in the jungle. Her concern grew faster and she shook her head.

“I’m going to call your teacher. You’re not going to school.” She said as she got off my bed and walked off with her phone in her hand, dialing the number.

After the longest 8 hours, Seungmin came home, and thank god came into my room. With a bag of McDonald's and a big smile, he went to my bed and sat down.

“Why didn’t you come to school?” He gave me the bag and with a breathtaking smell of fat and fast food filling my nose and getting the best of me.

“Oh, I am sick my head hurt a little, and mom overreacted.” I said with a huge load of fries in my mouth.

With a small pat on my thigh, he hit the right spot of the K and a shriek came out, my whole body tensing up and Seungmin looking at my covered thigh. He took the blanket off. My shorts relieving the now swollen and slightly scabbing spot.

A moment of silence filled the room and Seungmins face has gotten from a healthy color to a concerning red and then to a frightening purple.

“Surprise...” I smiled awkwardly.

“Y/N, you got a fucking tattoo...” His voice was a low growl, but still, you could clearly hear the pure panic in his voice.

“Uhm, haha yea. So I made it myself, you like it?” My shaking voice showing the state of mine. My thigh looked pretty bad and as painful as it would’ve been, without the painkillers.

“Did you disinfect it?” My whole head went blank. Of course, it was so swollen and scabbing, Kim didn’t disinfect it. My face went paler than pale and I rethought the consequences of an infection.

“Okay, I’ll take that as a no. Get your shoes and we will get to my friend he will help you.” He really was very serious about the infection so I stood up with a numb pain, but not as overwhelming as it was yesterday. I searched for my shoes and directly followed him.

A quick bus ride and a small foot-march later there was a big but still small and cozy house. Red and white, reminding me of a red velvet cupcake. Looks fancy but is cute at the same time. The grass and the dwarfs decorating the beautiful view. A middle-aged lady working in the garden, planting in seeds and watering the red tulips.

“Hello, Mrs. Han is Jisung home?” He grinned at her.

“Oh hello, Seungmin. Nice to see you again!” She smiled at him with a motherly aura surrounding her. She hugged him and I could see that she liked Seungmin a lot. He didn’t really know what to do awkwardly stood there and let her do. She noticed me standing there and hiding behind Seungmin's tall figure and met with her warm brown eyes.

“Hello, and who are you?” she asked with a bigger smile.

“Uh, I am Seungmins sister.” I immediately trusted her and her warm embrace.

“Ah yes, I can see the model genes going in the family. You seem like you’re in a big rush to see Jisung, he’s in his room.” She told us and saw my embarrassed blush across my face as Seungmin took my hand and yanked me downstairs to where Jisung was.

The basement as a room, interesting. It was colored black and had a lot of posters of some bands that I have never heard of. There he was on his bed smoking a cigarette and admiring his newest addition to his arm, a slightly red and in saran wrapped tattoo. A small skull drinking from a glass bottle, very precise and well made. He sat there and continued to smoke.

“Seungmin, what’s up.” he took a puff. Not giving anyone a single look. His hand tapping over his forearm and keep admiring his skull.

“I need your help. My sister made a tattoo and now it’s infected. Do you know what to do?” Seungmin seemed very concerned and worried. Jisung stood up and chuckled a little.

“The little Y/N, has a tattoo?” He asked me and looked down at me.

His eyes have the same warm brown as his mothers and I weirdly trusted him regardless of his reputation. His hair was dyed a very light blonde and his face was very chubby, unlike his body which was athletic: muscular but slim. He had two tears on his face and my thoughts went crazy. Who in the actual hell did he kill and the rumors of Jisung being a Russian mafia boss came into my mind and I reconsidered if I should be worried to be in a room with him?

“Seungmin, I have some lemonade for you.” Mrs. Han's voice echoed through the basement and he looked at Jisung.

“Go for it, I will take care of her.” He gave him green light and Seungmin looked at him with a look in his eyes. Which could be translated into ‘If you hit on my sister, I will drag your corpse to the nearest forest and let you get eaten by the birds’. Jisung nodded and Seungmin went upstairs.

“So tell me, how did you do that?” He said with a smile as he pointed to my infected K. His hair falling on his face, a little messy but still perfectly proportional.

“Uhm, a long story...” He went to his desk and took out a liquid and a cotton pad. He pushed the chair next to the bed and patted the bed. I quickly sat down. Him in front of me.

“I have time, come on.” He looked up and gave me a simper. I felt a small tickle again and wanted to trust him with it.

“Well uh, my friend Kim wanted to get us bonded. She took a needle and poked my skin for some time until it was done.” He laughed a little, letting me see his whites.

“You stick and poked and didn’t disinfect it?” His eyes still on mine and not leaving the look they had, of the warm and soft chocolate brown.

“No, we didn’t and stop making fun of me- Ah-” His cold hand touching my thigh. My body stiffened and it was hard to relax.

“Calm down, relax. You wanna listen to music? disinfecting this will be a little uncomfortable.” He stood up and walked to his stereo. He took out a cassette and stuck one in. A prehistoric cassette, I haven’t seen this since I listened to Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban one years ago. After some seconds of silence, ‘All The Small Things’ by blink-182 boosted through the speakers.

He turned around and sat down again and wet the pad with this liquid. He took off the wrap and the air hit the wound. It was a stinging soreness, that leads me to look away and bite my lower lip, hard.

He took the wet pad and started to clean up the wound as careful and gentle as possible, the stinging and burning pain was a very harsh rush of pain. I whined and groaned loudly.

“Does it hurt?” He asked as he was still cleaning up.

“Well, yes,” I said with a small whine.

“Good. If I see you with a new tattoo I will get you punished.” his voice getting raspier and raspier. But he still cleaned the wound up and was done with the disinfecting. He stood up again and got some of the saran wraps and pointed his finger, signaling me to stand up.

I stood up from his bed and he kneeled down to wrap it up. His hands still very cold and tickling my thigh.

“So Kim, is your friend?” His voice a little absent.

“Yes, my best.” I had to automatically smile.

“Tell me about her, how is she like?” I was surprised at his interest in my personal life but answered him.

“Oh, um she is reckless and she never thinks about her actions. She makes out stupid things that I have to box her out of. But she also has a nice and gentle side that not many know. I love her a lot.” I smiled at our memories and how easy it was to be myself around her.

As I was in my thoughts, Jisung took out a bottle of Jack Daniels and takes a glass. He gets him a good amount and gets another glass after seeing my big eyes. After a long friendship with Kim who was known for drinking, I have never drunk any alcohol, well until today. He gave me a glass full of brown fluid.

“I- I can’t believe we did that.” I laughed as Jisung was holding my hand walking on an abandoned street in the middle of nowhere. He had given me a big sip of the whiskey, it was a burning sensation of my taste buds being confused and curious for more.

“It’s better, not being sober right?” He asked stumbling into the sunset.The bitter taste of the alcohol and the adrenaline of me running away with a friend of my brother without his permission. I felt every single touch of his hand tightening and holding my hand in his clutches not letting go.

“Come on drink it, Y/N. The painkillers are not going to help you any better than Jackie will.” He smiled and waved the glass in front of my nose. I mean I never was drunk and I want to know what it’s like. My curiosity and stupidity have gotten control of me and I accepted with a shaky hand.

I took a small sip of the whiskey and the bitter and stinging sensation was so disgusting. I couldn’t swallow it and started to look around for somewhere to spit it at. But with Jisung forcing me to look up at him with his fingers, pushing my head upwards.

“Swallow it, now.” his eyes burning holes into mine and letting me breathless with no other choice other than swallow. I gulped the fluid down and the burn in my throat was unbelievably harsh.

“Good girl, now. If Seungmin sees your ass drunk this will be very dangerous for both us. Do you have any other clothes or is this everything you’ve got?” He already searched in his closet and gave me a black hoodie with some jeans.

“Here you go. Hurry up, my mom is not going to keep him for any longer.” He went upstairs and left me with there a little tipsy and with some clothes from this boy that I barely knew.

After getting them on I noticed the size difference, Jisung has it in L. On me it was XXL. The size was really funny and the jeans that should hug his waist like they are on the ones he is wearing, are now hanging from my pelvic bone. I saw my reflection of the mirror and busted out in laughter.

Jisung came down and looked at my new outfit, and laughed as well. He came in front of me and squished my cheeks. He played with them and ruffled my hair into a mess, I officially am looking like I just woke up with my PJ’s.

“You look so cute, this stuff is the tightest clothing that I have and your body is just sliding through.” He smiled and looked into my eyes, his hands still cupping my cheeks. A strong smell of alcohol and cigarettes leaving him, mixing with his cologne.

He stepped back and admired this baggy look. He had a hand on his chin, thinking about what can make it look even better than it already does. With an idea in his mind he sought for.... a belt.

He took the of course black belt and put it over my waist. I almost wanted to remind him that I am not a toddler and can put on a belt myself, but the sudden closeness of him and his firm grip on his jeans on me. My heart did a small tap dance, but he continued to put it on with no sign of hesitation.

“This looks better. Take your shoes and let’s get out of here.” Trouble, that was what I am going to get after this. Am I out of my mind going with Jisung with no other thought? Am I dumb for trusting this dude that threw up on his teacher's chest in the hallway last year?

He packed his bag with a shit ton of bottles and some other stuff that I don’t even want to know what it is, the curiosity of what is in this bag now really bugged me. What did he have in this bag? He started to notice my glare on his black backpack.

“You ever had drugs, little one?” He asked as if it was the most normal thing to ask a 16-year-old. If I ever had drugs, the small sips of this weird and burning stuff and the coffee I had in the morning.

“N-No.” My stutter surprised me and the sudden tension started to get harder and intense. My subconscious shouted in my head to get out and go home with Seungmin, but this Jisung really had something and I wanted to explore that.

“There’s always a first time and I needed to go out anyway. You wanna meet my friends?” His smirk was absolutely precious and there was no way in hell that I could say no to this face. After my agreement, he smiled even brighter than before. He took some of his rings and gave those to me and some chains. I looked so different from what I daily wear and with a hat my appearance was complete.

“I-It’s so much better. Not having this pressure.” After another big gulp of the whiskey, he threw the bottle to the road and opened his bag. A see-through water like a bottle. He gave it to me and I opened it after some seconds of struggle. We stumbled through the sunset of the lonely and empty roads of a beautiful panorama.

“Le-Let’s sit down for a while. I am so ti-tired.” I laughed and sat down on the empty road. He joined me and took the opened vodka bottle from me and took a small sip after gasping dramatically and getting a green bag out of his pocket. It looked like leaves and after a long time of finding out what it was, I knew it when he started to build a joint.

I took the bottle and drank the alcohol. I couldn’t believe this scenario, I am drunk and I am about to get high. I will get so much damage for this one night, but it still felt like it was a Bonnie and Clyde after play. Such a euphoric moment, and a moment I would’ve never have dreamed of.

So deep in my own thoughts and my own actions and with this alcohol in my hands, I didn’t see that Jisung was already done with his work. He saw my lazy eyes and pointed out to his bag.

“Hey, listen to music on my phone the code is 0325.” I crawled over to his bag and searched for the perfect song and here it was. New Flesh by the Current Joys, a carefree and a lighthearted song. The song started playing and Jisung snickered.

“I start to really learn a new si-side of you. Little miss Y/N.” He finished his joint and licked it clean. He grabbed in his bag and pulled out speakers. This bag really is a survival kit. He connected them to his phone and the music blasted out with such an enormous volume.

He took out his lighter and the fire sneaked it’s way through the marijuana and gives out a really unique smell. He seemed relaxed and fell on his back. He now was lying on the hard and cold cement road, his little relaxing tool between his fingers.

“So you never smoked before, like ever?”He has gotten up again and let his arm over my shoulder, giving me a really focused look.

“N-Nah.” I giggled for no reason. My head felt dizzy and my vision getting blurry after breathing in second-hand smoke.

“So I’m gonna show you, ho-how to do it the right way.” He smiled and almost closing his eyes completely.

He took my face into his hand and held the joint on the other hand. He gave it to me and I held it the best way I could, trying to let it fall down. I took a big hit and coughed all of the smoke out in a matter of 3 seconds.

He laughed uncontrollably and as he was laughing my head started to turn, my stomach started to growl and my mouth was getting dry. I honestly did not expect it to work that easily but I felt the difference in my body. I took another puff of it and another.

With a little time it has gotten easier and better to not cough. Jisung after not talking for what seemed like a whole eternity, started to notice that the sky is getting darker. He saw a whole field next to the road and threw his stuff in there and threw himself as well.

“Come here! The field is soft.” He shouted from his new spot and I giggled and jumped on top of him. His laugh resounded through the emptiness surrounding us and my giggle became a little quieter when I felt his hand on my hip. As before, when he put on the belt for me, my face grew hot and my eyes stayed on him and I played with his hair. He stroked my body with his fingertips, it feeling like electric wires rushing through my hot body.

I leaned down and then kissed his soft lips. Right at this moment I didn’t care about anyone. My brother, my parents, my friends not even my own thoughts that screamed in my head to cut it off and go home. I wanted to live and wanted to enjoy, feel this moment. Exactly live in this moment right here and there. In a field in the middle of nowhere with the music still blasting somewhere near us and the taste of alcohol still running through my mouth and most importantly, Jisung being right here and there.

“I d-don’t want to pressure you to anything, Y/N.-” I shushed him up with another kiss and his smile making the butterflies in my tummy explode into a mess. He tucked on his hoodie and leaned into my ear.

“I am sure you look even better without my hoodie on.”

I giggled loudly, his hand getting lost on the inside of my hoodie. Grasping on my bra and massaging it softly. My world turning in circles and the music still playing on the highest volume from the speakers, somewhere in the grass.

“I want you, now.” I said, looking down to him. I took off my hoodie and threw it next to Jisung beneath me. His hands still on me, my hair falling down to the side of his face. I was needy and what could feed this hunger was him.

“If your brother could see his little girl…” he smiled at my face being some small inches in front of his. the taste of the marijuana in my mouth mixed with the strong vodka and whiskey was driving me into the dumbest things.

I kissed his soft lips, touching them a little and his tongue rolling with mine. He tasted like danger and everything forbidden for me, giving me a thrill of my life. I continued to go down his neck, sucking the best I could making it hard due to the lack of energy.

“You’re doing great, little one.” He moaned when I once reached his hard and perky abs, leaving a trail of bruises and hickeys all the way down here. He groaned once I unlocked his belt and pushed his jeans down to his boxers. The outline of his dick was hardly poking out, getting me to an idea of my first blowjob ever.

I pulled the off and there he was, poking at me. The hard and red tip, cum dripping on them slightly. I took him in my hands, carefully pumping him. His eyes following my actions his whines and stares telling me to put him in my mouth, I couldn’t get him all in, him laughing at me trying my hardest to deepthroat.

“Your little mouth is amazing.” He mumbled with his eyes closed tightly, his hands getting lost in my hair. Moans and grunts getting me wetter and wetter. I couldn’t breathe and with my mouth being filled up completely, my eyes turning to the back of my head.

I backed up and took some time to breathe, a string of saliva connecting my lips with his wet and throbbing dick. He pushed his hair back, his hand still on my head, grabbing and pulling at it hardly. I choked lightly on his pressure on my head, pushing me down and forcefully getting me down. After some seconds of complete silence he let go and a broken groan echoed through my dizzy head.

“Uh fuck, how can this small mouth get all that in?” He smiled looking down at me with his lazy eyes on the string of saliva connecting his tip to my lips. I started to laugh out, the feeling of a dick in my mouth reminding me of a Popsicle. He laughed as well, this whole scenario being unbelievable. It was deep dark outside, the only light being the lanterns of the side street and the moon, shining out heavily. The wheat among us, the music that still played beside us.

He suddenly stopped giggling immediately and closed his eyes. His head was thrown to the ground and he held my head in his hands, still thrusting into my mouth hardly.

“Wh-Where can I c-cum?” He stuttered and I just continued to bop my head down his length, feeling every inch in my mouth, I choked a little on the twitch of his cock. “Fuuuck.” He groaned loud through the hard beats of the music. I felt his dick twitch again in my throat and as I moaned the vibrations got him to spill his load into my mouth. The warm liquid running through my throat, I choked once again and the shivers went down my spine mercilessly.

“Ah fuck.” He tried to collect his breath, moaning more curse words. I still sucked at the tip and popped him out of my mouth, his seeds running down my lips. I looked up at his brown eyes, stars above us reflecting in them. He had the warmest and softest expression on his face, starring down at my cum filled mouth, trying my hardest to swallow everything.

“Now it’s your turn, princess.”

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devourer--of--books · 4 years ago

Text

Some time ago (and by “some time” I mean a long ass time, oops) Kate (@pumpkinpaperweight) posted an analysis of gold rush by Taylor Swift tracing parallels to Agatha, which this post is clearly inspired by.

(Go check that one out after you finish reading this post, it’s really good.)

Ever since, I’ve had an entire tagatha x taylor playlist/unfinished post that I don’t think will ever see the light because I’m too lazy to actually finish it. But now I have some spare time and I noticed that,,,, invisible string wasn’t on it.

And that's cause, well, despite the obvious gold fingerglow motif which is very tagatha … you already read the title of the post. It’s more like my own version of of what I would have had happen post-otk (will my epilogue version ever see the light, I wonder) than anything else, but this is my account, in which I am correct all the time and accept no criticism so,,,,

Green was the color of the grass where I used to read at Centennial Park

I used to think I would meet somebody there

Basically, these first two lines are about how Sophie’s egocentrism isolated her and kept her from making genuine connections with people from very early on, until she becomes friends with Agatha and even after that.

Okay, so have you guys ever seen those tiktoks that are like ‘13-year-old me, in black jeans and sneakers, at the beach, reading a book mYstERioUsLy so that when Harry Styles showed up he’d know I’m dIfFeRenT'?

This is the energy I get here.

Like, Sophie in the start of book one doing all those ‘good deeds’ so set herself apart in the eyes of the school master hoping that he’d bring her to the school where she would meet *drumroll* The One.

Most of us have, at some point (I hope, otherwise it was just me and that would be so embarassing), tried and failed to channel that main-character-energy to manifest ourselves into a story much more interesting than whatever is going on in your life at the moment. I feel like at the very core, that’s sort of what Sophie was trying to do? It’s a very juvenile feeling and shows just how little Sophie knew about love overall. Love as it is in fairytale books, as opposed to as it actually is.

She thought herself as above everyone else and thought she was entitled to true, unconditional love, which ended up holding her back and isolating her from everyone in the town, save for Agatha, give or take.

This mindset is what really keeps her from seeing Tedros (and Agatha, and everyone else) as people, rather than characters in her story, and actually connecting with them on a non-superficial level.

Teal was the color of your shirt when you were 16 at the yogurt shop

You used to work at to make a little money

I don’t think this part needs much explaining?

On surface level, Nicola canonically started working at her father’s pub at a very young age to help with family expenses.

If you think about it a little more and contrast it with the previous line, though, it highlights the differences between Sophie and Nicola:

Nic works to help her family, learning responsibility and duty, while Sophie barely ever did anything for her father, both out of vanity (and a superiority complex) and out of spite (which is honestly undeserved all the way up to book 3, when Stefan let Callis die and fucking tried to blame Agatha for returning without Sophie and then guilt-tripped her into going to save her, after which he was dead to me lol). Sophie grew with a princess-like mindset, despite being just slightly better off than Nic, given all the villagers save from Callis and Agatha (due to them being outcasts) seem to have a similar income (with the exception of the beggar which I don’t understand and am probably overthinking about, but honestly, it’s a impossible to leave town and people die on the mill all the time, there's no college or whatever, did none of these assholes offer the beggar a job- I’m getting carried away), while Nicola has to shoulder most of the responsibilities due to her dad being sick.

Also, given the *misogyny* I’d be surprised if Nic didn’t have to do all the housework, as the only girl in her house.

I doubt that the uniform of the pub was teal and given the book timeline she wouldn’t have been 16 in any instances in which Sophie and her met in Gavaldon, but I digress.

Time

Curious time

Gave me no compasses

Gave me no signs

Were there clues I didn't see?

Also kinda self-explanatory in a way?

On one interpretation, it takes Sophie an awful long time to mature and grow into an okay person. She lashed out after Tedros’ rejection because her desire was, when you get down to it, to be loved, even though she didn't understand what love was or how to go about it. She was already loved both by Agatha and by her father but she couldn't see it because the idea of love (romantic, loud, grand-gesture) was so embedded into her, but the clues to it were there all along.

On another, you could argue that Nicola also did not see this coming at all, specially if you consider canon!Nicola rather than fanon!Nicola (why would you, but okay, ignore my Hunter post, go on, stomp on my feelings). Nicola, whose purpose in TCY was to be the new hort-love-interest no one asked for, ending up with her *gag* love-rival? Unexpected, iconic, never done before (never actually done in canon), amazing, mind-blowin-

Bad was the blood of the song in the cab on your first trip to LA

You ate at my favorite spot for dinner

Bad Blood was a smash hit on Taylor’s career, playing on the radio non-stop during the 1989 era, arguably her peak in terms of mainstream pop and radio plays.

The Tale of Sophie and Agatha was the equivalent in this context, as it was all the rage in Gavaldon after book 3; Sophie’s persona as the Dean Of Evil is solidified and everyone in The Woods knows who she is and read her tale, including Nicola (who already knew who she was, but now had a another version of her to compare to the version she already knew, which hm, did not favour Sophie either way).

I think it’s kind of fascinating how parasocial relationships work in the context of SGE because like, the storian is there as an omniscient narrator, but it doesn’t write everything. Like, does it just expose what the people in the tale feel and think only if it suits the plot or do the tales look just like the SGE books, in some sort of fourth wall break or is it like an actual children’s fairytale, where you just get told actions and have to sort of assume motivations? How does that affect public opinion? I don’t think most people would be too keen on stanning Sophie after reading The Tale Of Sophie and Agatha (cause damn, Sophie does a lot of questionable shit there) but canonically, they do, despite her being the villain, which is something I have opinions on (do I ever not have opinions on things?).

Like, sure there would be Nevers stanning her, but honestly, if they read the tale, wouldn't they be more likely to stan Hester or even Agatha? Cause Sophie almost got both Evers and Nevers killed, doomed everyone in The Woods for a guy, and was overall a horrible person with no regard for actual Good or Evil as balanced things? Isn’t this why The Coven sided with Agatha, like, I don’t get it- Is it stanning out of fear? Cause that’s the only sort of explanation I have, specially for people in Gavaldon, but that’s something I’ll go deeper into in another time.

Anyway, I wouldn’t be surprised if Nic’s first class at SGE was about The Tale Of Sophie and Agatha, given she was originally placed in Evil, due to Dovey and Sophie’s bet, and Evil’s school curriculum was under Sophie’s control, so if you think those classes were anything other than the Sophie-Show, you are wrong.

Now, on to headcanon territory, wouldn’t it be poetic if during her first lunch Nic sat at that tree in the middle of the clearing where Agatha and Sophie used to sit? Not only for ship reasons, but the tree is right in the center, which could relate to how Nic was supposed to be half/half?

Bold was the waitress on our three-year trip getting lunch down by the Lakes

She said I looked like an American singer

It’s a real shame that I don’t remember most of TCY. (But is it really?)

This is kinda of my own personal interpretation of what the OTK epilogue should have been like (and so, it's kind of a spoiler for my ever unfinished rewrite sksnsksn).

Imagine if, instead of that horrid school wedding (kill me now, please), they actually held the respective funerals for all the people lost in the Camelot power-struggle (I’ll take a school funeral, but don’t come at me with school weddings or I’ll lose my shit).

Tedros and Agatha, poor traumatized children, are on their way back to Camelot to try and get stuff back under control and do royal things. Sophie is pretty much on her own, with the remaining faculty of the school, as well as the new kids (yeah, Hort’s staying dead, boo hoo, I’m not sorry sbfhbsdb). Nicola will be returning home to Gavaldon soon, since the school schedule is already messed up beyond repair and everyone is taking some time off anyway. She was only staying there until christmas originally, so might as well.

Public opinion on the main trio is kinda weird at the moment:

Tagatha suffered a coup, then a while laterTedros killed the brother of his usurper, whom had been more popular than him, and well, they do tell people that Japeth killed Rhian, but it’s not like they have receipts? Like, there’s no way to fact check that. They could very well have killed Rhian, we, as bystanders, wouldn’t know? You can bet rumors like these don’t just go away.

And Sophie?

Well, I think public opinion on Sophie was already fear-based rather than coming from a place of admiration for her acts. People aren’t sure of her alliances anymore, and don’t really know how to behave around her so they mainly avoid her. Now that Dovey and Hort are dead and everyone else is resuming their quests, she’ll be pretty much on her own to deal with the aftermatch, which is not only sad, but also probably not healthy. She considers staying with Agatha, but she doesn’t want to add more scandal to the Camelot situation.

So she decides to go back to Gavaldon. Not permanently tho. Just to visit her father and take some time off to decide who could balance her well enough to be appointed as Dean Of Good.

She'd choose Agatha, but you know, Agatha is kinda busy. Plus, it'd be good to see her father. Watching most of your parental figures drop like flies really puts things into perspective and maybe (just maybe) there's still something to salvage there.

Not many people know she's at Gavaldon, and that's on purpose. For once, Sophie just wants to be left the fuck alone, so she just tries to lay low and not bring unnecessary attention to heself. It's so unlike her to do so that when she walks in to have lunch at Nicola's pub, no one but Nicola even recognizes her.

And if Nicola keeps her company and accompany her on walks, well, it’s no one’s business. Bonding time? Bonding time.

Time

Mystical time

Cutting me open, then healing me fine

Were there clues I didn't see?

You know what these kids need after this Camelot shitstorm? Therapy, that’s what.

There’s no therapy in The Woods, so friendship will simply have to do. Please sir, let these kids heal.

Nicola was dragged to SGE while her father was sick and knew no one there personally, then got dragged again, now into a power struggle where she almost died multiple times, dated a guy, broke up with a guy and I can’t even remember what else but that sounds like a stressful time considering how close together the events from TCY are compared to TSY. What does she want to do now? Will she become a knight? Will she remain in Gavaldon? Does she have to finish school? How have Hunter and her dad been? Whatever went down with her brothers? Why was she important in the first place? Lots to reflect and self-search.

And Sophie. Oh Sophie.

Sophie fell once again for a ‘get-love-’quick’ scheme, not once, but twice! That is not something easy to look in the face and forgive yourself for.

With Rhian, it backfired by hurting everyone she loved, and after the shit Rafal pulled on her, she should have known better. But can you blame her? It’s not like the Rafal thing left her unscratched: you try being in an abusive relationship with a predator, see if you don’t get some trauma. And instead of doing the hard thing and keeping up the work she had been doing on herself she threw her progress out the window the moment Rhian said what she wanted to hear!

After that went belly-up, she at least managed to help her friends, but then later that backfired and she got brain-washed (are we gonna talk about this? disturbing much?). Then, she got fragile enough for her to attempt to find purpose in her life within Hort’s feelings for her, even if she didn’t actually reciprocate those feelings, simply because she was sure of them and they were familiar.

And later, even Hort was taken away from her.

(Probably for the best, given their attachment had been… precarious, to say the least.)

Therapy, I’m telling you.

A string that pulled me

Out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar

Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire

Chains around my demons

Wool to brave the seasons

One single thread of gold tied me to you

These two would be so good for one another.

I think that being alone when you’re going through something is literally the worst you can do, but when you have someone who just…. gets it, you know? They were there too. They understand. It forms a connection.

After OTK, both of them (Sophie mostly) have enough on their plates for them to go down a dark path to a horrible place. But they don’t. Cause they are here for each other and have their support system to help them.

Does that translate into late nights drinking together after the pub shuts down? Maybe. Keeping tabs on each other to make sure they’re sleeping and eating right? Yes. Keeping secrets and confessions? You got it.

And then my friends, begins the pining.

Cause, you know, they’re just gals being pals, gals being gay- wait what.

Nicola probably comes to terms with it first, but thinks Sophie is not interested in her like that (she also suspects that Sophie only sees her as Agatha’s stand-in and will drop her eventually once Agatha is no longer in such high demand.) Sophie is, in classic Sophie-fashion, neck-deep in denial, she’s not a lesbian right? she’s boy crazy, she’s not a lesbian-

Except she never felt like this with any of those boys. The only comparison she has is what she feels for Agatha, this feeling of being heard and seen and understood, but-

But Sophie doesn’t want to kiss Agatha.

And in retrospect, she never wanted to kiss anyone like this either. Tedros who, Rafal who, Rhian who, Hort who, these bitches could never.

Eventually they attend the official tagatha wedding, HELD AT THE CASTLE, as each other’s plus-ones, and well, maybe consider checking my eventual OTK-epilogue for more on this, once it eventually comes out.

Cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart

Now I send their babies presents

Very self-explanatory, Tedros may be Sophie’s favorite ex, but he’s still an ex and they will be killing each other if left unchecked for two long unsupervised.

Nicphie as the tagatha baby godparents. Please, YES.

I’m not gonna go into detail because children make me uncomfortable, I wish this was a joke, haha, but yes, Sophie and Nic pic the presents together and they attend the baby shower together. Are they dating, are they just married but don’t know it yet? I wonder. They're just together and no one really knows what's going on.

Gold was the color of the leaves when I showed you around Centennial Park

Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

You know what’s funny? I didn’t tell you anything between the wedding and the baby shower. Remember how there was an opening for Dean of Good?

Yeah, too late to send in your resumes, position is already filled.

Sophie shows Nic the ropes of being Dean, or at least that’s how she’ll present it, but they’re still sort of figuring it out together. And that's okay.

They spend summers traveling around, christmas in Gavaldon, new years in Camelot and all is well. Their fingerglow colors now match. But it’s, unfortunately not gold.

Time

Wondrous time

Gave me the blues and then purple pink skies

And it's cool

Baby, with me

Yeah, it’s fucking purple.

I can’t remember if Nic has a canon fingerglow color, but I don’t really care much for canon, do I? I just really like the imagery of it, so it’s blue and pink mixed together. Because, you know I’m a symbolic bitch.

And isn't it just so pretty to think

All along there was some

Invisible string

Tying you to me?

Anyway, I am correct, this is the post.

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