#without worrying whether or not the other person thinks i'm trying to show romantic interest

[brainfullofbees]

.

[soapoet]

what do you need to heal?

oof, you all deserve a hug.

01.

Shufflemancy: SENSITIVE by MOTHICA

your feelings are really potent. you feel like a pressure cooker, constantly ready to burst open. emotions are both your playground and your graveyard, it seems. you feel everything strongly, but there is almost a sense of it never being enough. you yearn for something more, something bigger and better to latch on to. you've probably been accused of being toxic once or twice, and there may be a trail of broken lines of communication behind you as a result. but you have no ill intent. you have so much to give, and all you want is equal returns for your investments. interpersonal relationships especially feel lackluster to you.

here's a storyline that might resonate: you meet someone, platonic or romantic, and sparks fly. you're so invested, they take interest in you, you're each other's favourite person, two peas in a pod, partners in crime, a dynamic duo. every day you pour your heart and soul into this connection, drop the drawbridge and invite them inside your walls to experience you and your world fully. and with every day that goes by, slowly but surely, the honeymoon phase begins to fade. their efforts lessen, even when they say you're their whole world they never seem to find the time, they stop sharing, and feel intruded upon when you inquire and poke around to see what's up. you step back, thinking yeah, alright, i just need to chill, give them space. but that just makes things worse, doesn't it? you end up feeling abandoned and the grief for what the connection once was is agonising. every time you try to rekindle the flames they lash out. you're overwhelming, nosy, obsessive, they feel cornered. oh my god, you're so toxic! and then you fight. you fight for your feelings and the relationship. they just seem to fight you. you tell them they knew what they were getting themselves into. you showed them everything. shared the deepest, darkest corners of your castle. didn't they say that it's okay, that you're perfect as you are, flaws and all, and that they'd never leave? and then they still do.

you're not a monster. you're not trying to lure people in and make their lives miserable. you simply seek companionship. the kind that seems impossible to find these days. you understand that everyone has a life of their own, things to do, and that it's okay to need time and space. what you do have a problem with is the lack of trust. when you drop your armour you need reassurance that it's not in vain and that you are safe. that your vulnerability won't be taken advantage of. you don't want to worry about whether or not you let wolves inside your castle walls. what you need to do is learn a healthy dose of discrimination. really vet the people you let in. take things slowly, and allow things to happen without having to force it. let people come to you. wield your emotions in a constructive way. if you feel like a fraud trying to fit into the whole love and light spiel, then don't force it! you're incredibly powerful. learn the art of transmutation and try to make your emotions work for you instead of against you. it may be easier said than done, but if anyone can do it, it's you.

02.

Shufflemancy: Bridges by ALIKA

stop fooling yourself. you're really making yourself jump through way too many hoops. things don't have to be an obstacle course. there isn't some long, ever-changing list of things that need to happen before what you want can happen. it's like you're running around in a hamster wheel. chasing after what ifs, looking for signs and clues, and when something doesn't align then oops, there you go, right back to the drawing board. reconfiguring things, going back and forth, fine-tuning, undoing, scrapping everything and starting all over. reading your energy feels like i'm walking into a room with crumpled papers all over the floors. and when i look at them, your plans and ideas are so good! why have you cursed yourself into this space of false starts and stagnation?

because your head is full of doubt. your mind is like the static of an old tv screen. there is so much noise, buzzing around and it's so loud you're unable to think straight. there are so many distractions. you're being pulled in so many directions. everywhere except forward. you are so focused on that first step being absolutely flawless that you'll do anything but actually take the damn step. every time you gather yourself and tell yourself alright, it's go-time my dudes, you just stand there, or notice something that you just gotta fix real quick. and before you know it, you're doing all kinds of busy work. anything to make you feel better about not doing what you want to do and feel like you're at least making some contribution toward your dreams.

you heard there would be signs that you're on the right path or that your manifestations are working, and you took that personally. you see a sign, then look for confirmation that the sign really was a sign. then you tell yourself you need to stop actively looking for signs because then you won't recognise the real signs. but uh-oh, what if you were already doing that? does that mean that the sign you noticed was a false flag and you're just delusional and just out there fooling yourself? please give me a sign that— stop. sit down. cut the noise out and just breathe. you really need to start trusting yourself. you have a vision. a path forward. you got shit to do, things to achieve. stop checking the time, the mirror, the skies... just check yourself. still want what you want? great, you got it. have some faith in yourself. refocus your energy and try to stay present. it's okay to get distracted and it's normal to doubt, just don't let the doubts and distractions rule your present moment. the light has been green this whole time, so just go.

03.

Shufflemancy: Trauma by NF

no. that's two letters, but it feels wrong in your mouth, doesn't it? like it's too big or like it'll break something. when we're drowning there is a period known as 'voluntary apnea'. our instinct to not inhale water is stronger than our need to release the buildup of carbon dioxide that occurs when we hold our breath for too long. the brain can cause us to endure the increasing terror and physical pain because of this survival instinct. and it feels like your ability to say no is behind this kind of mental block too. when you do say no to things it almost feels apologetic, and is riddled with apologies and reassurance. you don't want to do this or that, but it's just today, maybe some other time, you'll check your calendar, assure them it's not like you don't care, you're just busy, you gotta go. you'll find any excuse that sounds reasonable when you don't have one. and for what? you don't need to explain yourself. no is a full sentence.

it really feels like you're on the outside looking in. you have a fear of not just missing out, but being left behind. it's like you've convinced yourself that in order to be worthy and good you need to please everybody. maybe in your past you've been betrayed, experienced neglect or really, truly, felt all alone and without support and guidance. so when you're around people you're on your best behaviour. you listen and you are eager to learn. you adopt people's hobbies or otherwise make an effort to be there for them. people come to you for advice, you're a shoulder to cry on, a problem solver, a good time. but when you get overwhelmed, your nerves get the best of you and you need someone to lean on, you feel like you shouldn't burden people. they have better things to do. maybe they wouldn't be able to help anyway, so why bother?

in many ways you feel like a ghost. not quite sure where the influences of other people and life circumstances end and where you begin. your boundaries are so blurry it's no wonder you've accepted so many concepts of yourself that it feels like the hand of cards you were dealt are masks instead of tools. you may need some time in isolation and solitude for a while. not to say farewell to the world and become lonely, but learn to really be with yourself and figure out who you really are and who you want to be. put yourself on the operating table and start carefully removing things that don't serve your well-being. you are whole all within yourself, and i promise that it's all complete and good and worthy of so much love. you don't need to be patchwork quilt made of concepts forced upon you by the world. you're allowed to be yourself and grow in exactly the direction and at the speed that you want. there's room here under the sun for you too.

[pixiedustandfairypowers]

The Mario/Bowser/Peach love triangle will always be the funniest thing to me

I know many of you are thinking that it's not really a love triangle since one of them is clearly more evil than the other and there's absolutely no chance that Peach would ever actually get together with Bowser... right?

I dunno about you, but it seems to me that this kind of reaction is a bit more than just being worried that he's going to hurt his friend. The second one especially is in the context of a scene where Bowser starts offering Peach flowers and this panicked reaction seems to indicate that Mario has some sort of insecurity that she might WILLINGLY choose Bowser over him. Like the whole ordeal that she had been through wouldn't be enough to turn her off of Bowser completely.

And Bowser himself was quite insecure throughout the 2023 movie:

"So like Peach was super impressed?"

"Does the Princess like him?"

"DO PRINCESSES FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE!?!?"

Also another way that they're similar:

Even when they're imprisoned all they can think about is their love for her while there's romantic song playing.

Mario is obviously a good guy but his motives for rescuing Peach seem less than perfect, as on some level he just really wants to be with her and I think he's under the impression that for all the obstacles he clears for her to rescue her, that Peach might one day reciprocate his feelings. And in Bowser's case, he thinks that kidnapping her and giving her all the best things in the world would win her over: the finest dress, the finest cake, a wedding on the moon, he'd even steal a powerful star so they could be invincible together.

I also think that both guys feel insecure because the other has something that he doesn't: in Mario's case, he's just a lowly plumber who has feelings for a princess, and there's no way that someone of his status would ever be interesting to someone like her. And in Bowser's case, he may be a king and have many riches to be proud of but he's also not human and therefore has reason to be insecure about whether or not a princess could ever find a turtle like him to be attractive.

But as we all know, she just straight up rejects both of them.

"Enough!"

But with the way she's scolding them, it's like she's putting both of them ON THE SAME LEVEL, like she's just tired of constantly being caught up in their silly love rivalry where at the end of the day, it was all just a way for them to show off and win her over without really taking the time to consider her feelings at all. Even if she did truly have romantic feelings for Mario somewhere, do you really think her priority is trying to navigate those when she's under the constant stress of being kidnapped and running a kingdom to go with it?

On some level, I'm not really sure I ever want this love triangle resolved. It's just too funny otherwise. This idea that Mario and Bowser are actually friends deep down...

...but all of their fighting, their famous deep seated rivalry, is not so much due to them hating each other personally, but instead it's all because of a girl.

[writingsofafanboy]

WAHOOOOOOOOOOOO HIIII !!!!!!!!!!! can i request some general relationship hcs for crocodile with a masc reader ? thanks and have a great day !!!!!! 🧡🧡🧡

Of course you can anon! I'm currently at the Impel Down breakout, so these will be pre-time skip head cannons. Also, I'm really sorry how sad they get at the end, it just sorta happened and I couldn't stop ;-;

General Relationship hcs for Crocodile with a masc reader

First thing to realize with this man is that he is busy. So busy in fact that not seeing him for days at time isn't all that uncommon. That being said, Crocodile would want his s/o to be someone who's independent and capable of taking care of himself. This isn't to say he'd reject someone for being more needy if he truly cared about them, but being self-sufficient is huge plus in his eyes.

Someone who knows how to put their foot down is a must as well. Crocodile has plenty of people at his beck and call. Countless people he pays to do whatever he says. So, while he may not always want it, he does need someone who has his best interests at heart and isn't going to be afraid to speak their mind.

For better or worse, the most common occurrence of arguing between the two of you is probably going to be directed towards his work habits. Being driven and confident, but he doesn't always know his limits and will often overwork himself because of it. Don't be afraid to voice your concerns and tell him it's time for a break. He may grumble and argue that he's too busy to be bothered, but he appreciates your concern deep down. And waking up with his coat suddenly draped over him after having dozed off at his desk during a late night? He'll never admit it, but it makes him feel so warm and fuzzy inside.

Crocodile is someone that doesn't trust others easily and assumes most would betray him if it so suites them. It's how he treats others after all, so why assume they'd behave differently. He's strong and influential enough to not have to worry about it most of the time, but it's always in the back of his mind as well. So earning his trust enough to be in a romantic relationship in the first place is a a feat in and of itself. It's going to be slow going and you'll have to be patient, but just don't give up on him when he inevitably pushes you away or acts distant in the relationship. Showing that you'll stick around and truly want to be with him will go a long way.

I personally think Crocodile would try to keep his personal life outside of work. Having someone he cares about enough to worry over their safety is tough enough, he doesn't need them getting involved with the more seedy characters he works with. So, as far as you're aware, he's genuinely the hero of Alabasta and runs a casino. Ignorance is bliss and you couldn't be prouder of how much the man you love does for others.

If you met through his more illicit dealings though, it's a whole other story. You're the person he trusts most in the whole world and that already goes a long way. With an ability to not only defend yourself, but also kick ass and get shit done, you'll pretty much be guaranteed a While Baroque Works is still up an running, you're definitely the only person other than Robin who knows the true identity of Mr. Zero for the entirety of the operation.

Now, I can think of a few possible scenarios for what happens during the fallout of Alabasta. One is that you manage to escape without being captured. Another is you get captured and sent to Impel Down, whether you were involved in Crocodile's illicit affairs or not because the Marines and World Government just be like that. And the third is your captured but instead of throwing you in Impel Down, the World Government decides to keep you at Marine Headquarters for questioning and the ungodly amount of intel they'd assume you have. So we'll go through those one by one.

Assuming you manage to avoid being captured, relieved is the only way to describe how he feels. Especially if you were in the dark the entire time; you don't deserve to face punishment and being tortured for his actions. That being said, if you aren't someone who's used to having to defend yourself or has much of any combat experience, he's going to be incredibly worried the entire time you're separated. He may not outwardly show it, but the man is so anxious not knowing if you're okay or not. If you escaped and he knows you can fend for yourself he won't be nearly as worried, but you'll still be weighing on his heavily.

If you didn't escape and got sent to Impel Down with him and the other agents of Baroque Works, you can sure as hell bet you're getting broken out either through somehow ending up Luffy's party before they're confronted by Magellan or Crocodile also seeking you out when he grabs Daz. Either way, you're being with them is going to be a condition for him to help Luffy break out. Iva will absolutely tease him about having gone soft for someone because of it. But you don't mind too much, it's just affirmation of how much he truly cares about you.

And if you got captured and taken to Marineford to be questioned? All the more reason to go with Luffy. Saving Ace? Sure, whatever. His main priority the entire time will be locating you and woe be the fool who's idiotic enough to stand between him and the man he loves.

The big hurdle to overcome will be if you didn't know about everything before Luffy showed up. Because you sure do now and there's going to be a lot of betrayal and baggage attached to this discovery. Even if you're being held for questioning and he shows up to save you, do you even want to go with him at this point? Everything about your previous life was a lie and how do you know that won't just continue? How do you even know if the man you've known and loved these past years wasn't just a lie as well?

The hurt and distrust in your eyes when you come face to face for the first time after everything is enough to make him freeze on the spot. And the way you flinch away, as if your scared he may hurt you now that you know everything? Well that absolutely shatters his heart.

Whether you choose to stay with him or not, he'll still search you out or save you from where ever the marines are keeping you. Again, it's not your fault all of this happened and he feels he at least owes you the respect of an explanation and apology for all he's put you though.

[okayto]

Mini-Review: Romantic Killer

Living her best single life, romance is the last thing on Anzu’s mind — until a tiny match-making wizard suddenly turns her life into a clichéd romcom.

Came across a trailer for this and then said, "That's either going to be really good, or really bad." My companion agreed and suggested I test it out and let them know whether it was terrible or not.

Anzu Hoshino is a high schooler with no interest in romance, preferring to spend her free time playing games, eating chocolate, and enjoying the presence of her beloved cat, Momohiki. Unfortunately, when she tries a new game one day, it turns out to be crap, used by a magical creature named Riri as a way to introduce Anzu's new life: due to Japan's declining birthrate, the romantically-uninterested Anzu's life is going to be like a dating sim until she falls in love with someone! And if she doesn't? Say goodbye to Momohiki forever.

Anzu's reaction is understandable.

So, back to my initial hesitancy: "you have to fall in love! Heterosexual relationships are the goal" is obviously a really skeevy theme, and when you're a person who is always happy with aromantic and/or asexual representation in fiction (hi, it's me, I'm a person), it can make you leery. And Anzu can definitely be read as aro/ace, but what's interesting is that you don't have to, the setup is patently absurd and knows it's ridiculous regardless of her orientation.

Some mysterious wizard council decided that a 10th grader needed to be in a romantic relationship or risk losing things she loved. It's compulsory heterosexuality: this character could be aro, ace, aro/ace, gay, or even just a ~15-year-old straight girl who currently has no interest in dating or romance. All of those options are viable, completely normal, and drive home how fucked up the concept of "threaten a teenager so she'll eventually get pregnant" is. (To be clear, the show doesn't dwell on anything beyond "you need to be in a romantic relationship," but even there it's clear that the show recognizes this is a ridiculous proposition.)

Anzu is impossible not to like: she's a happy, healthy teen who really likes what she likes (gaming, chocolate, cats), doesn't care much about what others think but isn't a misanthrope, and her reaction to being told "treat your life like a dating sim or never see your cat again" is to swear revenge on the wizard and do everything in her power to avoid engaging with any of the concocted plots, even as they reach cheap-fiction levels of believability, much to her disgust.

Potential love interest has to move in with her because of Reasons? Time to be Unattractive!

And the thing is, because of Anzu's determination to never get anywhere close to a romantic scenario, the people she meets are able to understand she's a safe person to be around--the first guy she meets, for instance is always having girls ask him out or try to get close--and engage with her without having to worry about hidden motives.

Anzu's determination means she is committed to not putting on a facade, which lets her personality and character shine through. Add to that some Riri-concocted scenarios that force Anzu to spend time with other characters in improbable situations, and what you get is a really, really fun and often-humorous story.

The guys themselves also turn out to be good, fun characters. They get introduced to the plot as obvious love interests, but none of them were conjured out of magic and thus they all have their own reasons to continuing to be around Anzu (although the continual magic contrivances of Riri certainly help them keep their exposure up anyway).

The ironic thing is that Riri's terrible game definitely does enrich Anzu and Kazuki's (potential love interest #1) lives, without question: Anzu gains new friends she enjoys spending time with, Kazuki does too, in a way that he's not been able to enjoy with many people before. The other potential love interests' lives are similarly enriched...but it's never because of romance! Really, this show is a good look at the power of friendship and just community in general.

And while Anzu probably would've been fine if the whole thing had never happened--while she was kinda a loner after-school, there's no evidence that she was harming herself or setting up any future problems (which is, obviously, part of what makes the wizards' scenario so stupid)--Kazuki is a different matter. I don't want to say much because of spoilers, but it's clear early on that he's not just a loner because of his personality, but he's lived through some dark experiences that makes him want to stay away from any kind of relationship talk too.

It's great, and while the story wraps up nicely, I would watch so much more.

Please, I am begging the Powers That Be: give us a season 2 where Anzu and the gang go after the wizard council. Friend hijinks and cartoon violence, it's a match made in heaven. Please.

Verdict

English dub? Yes!

Visuals: Shiny and modern! Except for Riri's game, but that's intentionally bad. Anzu's many faces are very funny as well.

Worth watching? Yes. And I would watch another season, even though the story wrapped up fine. Give me more of this lovely friend group of weirdos who love each other.

Where to watch (USA, as of March 2023): Netflix (sub and dub)

Click my “reviews” tag below or search “mini review” on my blog to find more!

[vegasandhishedgehog]

I don't remember which one of you said it last week, but I agreed with it and episode 11 only solidified that for me:

Jeng and Pat shouldn't be together. Not even eventually after the two year time skip.

I felt a gnawing in my stomach hearing that line coming from Put saying Jeng wasn't suited for Pat, because while I don't like Put, I also don't hate him and knew he was right. Pat wasn't there to see their little passive aggressive fights over him, he didn't see how both of them wanted control over the relationship so badly. Pat being dangled like a prize instead of a person between them colored the development of things darkly early on, but when the weather is overcast for so long it's hard to tell when the storm will actually hit.

I don't need to repeat what's been said about how ultimately Jeng put his needs above Pat's just like Put did and how that led to the breakup, but it is more disappointing. He was aware of Pat's relationship with Put and had seen how being around him affected Pat's mood when they first saw each other again. Jeng should have known better. What I think a lot of age and professionalism has done is make it easy for Jeng to pass as emotionally mature when he truly isn't. Not enough to handle the consequences of the relationship he wants so badly. Since that's the case, he's allowed Pat to shoulder most of that emotional burden, and in a romantic relationship that's just not going to be sustainable. Even worse, knowing how Pat handles his feelings.

The first half of this show really seemed to set up a sort of Mr. Darcy transformation for Jeng but it chose to take a more realistic route. The way Jeng reacted to Pat's emotional outbursts in the beginning was callous and apathetic at best. Sure, both he and Pat have developed in the aspects of Pat being stronger in his emotions and Jeng having greater sympathy, but I think for Pat it isn't from Jeng's encouragement and more from the everything else he's had to handle. Jeng's sympathy seems to really only extend from his liking Pat and wanting to be seen better by Pat. I'll exclude his feeding the homeless from that because we're not given a timeline or a reason for when and why he started doing it, and I won't speculate on them either. But a majority of his generosity, whether he's aware of it or not, is an extension of his crush.

Due to Jeng being older, rewriting over old habits or filling them in with new ones is harder for the very reason of them being more practiced. This can sabotage someone trying to handle certain things in a different way than they have in the past because they have to consciously stop something that's become reflexive or follows a certain pattern. So when someone isn't consciously stopping that pattern, isn't thinking they're going to follow that pattern this time, or thinks they have no pattern to worry about, they get struck with the consequences later when things play out and they realize "oh shit, I haven't changed." And that's what we get at the end of the episode.

That isn't to say that Jeng is incapable of growth, but he needs to choose that growth for himself. Is this corporate job and remaining in the closet for the interest of everyone but himself what he truly wants over a life with more play and a loving partner? Are the consequences of choosing not to take on that responsibility equal to those of never living a fully realized life? How long will it take him to choose?

I'm sad because all the way through episode 8 I was so excited to see their relationship and truly believed that it could be better than this. The messages about the BL industry, however more subtle they are later on, are really speaking here. If we get a happy ending with JengPat together it will take some really clever work for me to accept it. I honestly think it's time we got a BL that ends without the mains together because if we're going to follow a realistic thread, sometimes we have to follow it all the way. Breaking up a queer couple in queer media doesn't have to be homophobic. Sometimes these stories are made to demonstrate what could go wrong or for older queers to finally tell their story or to explore certain dynamics in ways that haven't been done before, etc. Whatever the intention, and as much as I hate the curse of episode 11, I'm glad they broke up.

[lady-of-endless]

❤️ Matchup trade for @imjustabeanie ❤️

Author's Note: I'm sorry it took a while, I really wanted to be sure of those choices. You have an amazing and complex personality and I enjoyed talking to you in private!

Jojo's Bizarre Adventure

I ship you with...Kakyoin Noriaki!

- At first, he would be drawn to you because, in some aspects, you're a bit similar. He thinks that this will be a plus in getting along with you. But once the differences arise, he keeps getting surprised (in a good way) and getting more intrigued, as a result.

- You two are respectful to each other and that makes him feel more comfortable around you. But, however comfortable feels when he's with you, he still is a bit reserved. Both of you are a bit reticent about opening up. A slow burn.

- First of all, he sees a good friend in you. Any romantic feelings will be considered later on. 

- Kakyoin gets easily flustered by your playful attitude around friends. Also, he's pretty confused when he sees you bite your lip so often. He'll try to figure out the reason for it without acting like a creep. He's just naturally curious.

- He gets a bit concerned when you isolate yourself from time to time. He starts overthinking about it and how he can show you that he's there for you if needed. He has expressive eyes and you'll start noticing worry in them.

- He's the most loyal both as a friend and as a partner. Loyal and extremely careful of your needs. Whether it is some space or some cuddles, he's there. He just cares about you so much and wants you to feel alright.

- Kakyoin is very attracted by your honesty, ambition, and ability to speak up for yourself. He feels that he lacks some of these traits and wants to learn from you. He won't say it, of course, but he'll pay attention to your reactions.

- Expect getting random gifts from him, delivered by Hierophant Green. He thinks he's smooth. And all of those gifts are in tune with your aesthetics, he pays attention to the little details. You'll get books, new video games for you to play with him, trinkets that remind him of you with stars on them or marine life themed, etc.

- I can't put into words how thrilled he'll be to share some of your hobbies. Above all, he'll always ask what you're reading and will listen closely, visibly interested. You two will have amazing conversations. You'll learn new things from each other. Plus, I get the feeling that he also likes stories with mad and ambitious scientists.

- Can I just add how much of a power couple you would look when you're both earning sunglasses? Damn. But leaving this aside, he loves your aesthetics.

Demon Slayer

I ship you with... Sanemi Shinazugawa!

- He likes the way you carry yourself at first. He thinks you're strong and resilient. However, after a while, deep down he slowly becomes suspicious of you. You never seemed to let out any sign of vulnerability and that can't be real, he thinks. He starts to pay attention a lot more and realizes that you're bottling up everything. He does that too and knows it's not easy and it's a habit more or less.

- Sanemi will never force you to share anything with him, about you, your past, or any concerns. He'll just sit next to you, minding his own business and cleaning his katana as a silent reminder that he's there if you need to let it all out or distract yourself.

- He also doesn't open up at all about his past or his true self. However, I can see him letting his walls down in front of you when you patch yourselves up after a tough mission against demons. It's a precious bonding moment.

- He is also reckless but the difference is that you're a bit more calculated than him so pull him back a little if he goes off the limit. He's not going to like it, but deep down he knows that it's sometimes needed and he even feels somehow grateful that someone is there to temper him a bit.

- Sanemi is all about duty but also a little bit of mischief. That means he can't hide a smirk when you rile up other people. He's even going to team up with you to verbally destroy those who tried to tease you or other bullshit.

- I think that bit by bit as he discovers how competitive you are, he gets extremely attracted to you. He likes this trait but also finds it a challenge at the same time.

- It saddens him to know that you don't consider yourself a good person but won't admit it. At least not directly. He's going to protect you from risky hits during battles, arguing that you're much of a better person than him and so you should watch out for yourself more. After that phrase during the battle, he won't say anything else that day.

- He sees that you can handle challenges properly so Sanemi will be thrilled to train with you, however, expect him not to hold back.

- You value honesty? That's exactly what you'll get from him. Cuddles? Be extremely patient about that. It will probably happen for the first time when he's exhausted, too tired to go against the idea.

- He is genuinely baffled when he hears you speak in multiple other foreign languages. You'll see him stop in his tracks frowning, eyes wide. He'll ask if you dared to make a joke about him in another language. lol

[chocolatepot]

The thing is someone can be asexual and autistic and still be misogynistic. These things aren't mutually exclusive. The idea that being in the presence of a woman implies that you're going to or want to have sex with her is misogynistic whether the person is autistic or ace or both or neither.

Yeah, I'm aware? I feel like you're interpreting me in bad faith (which is of course why you're anon, lbr). But I've been thinking about how to better express my point there anyway, so I'll bite.

So the thing is, what screams autistic/ace about that post isn't that it's misogynistic. Obviously. It's that the almost-certainly-a-cis-dude that wrote it has created a chain of logic that "works" and is sticking to the rule it creates 100% even though it's ridiculous, which is autistic behavior, which I'm allowed to say because I do the same thing. The writer presumes that all people (or at least all the people he knows) are straight, and that therefore other men have no possibility of being into him and will simply get in the way of his woodsy fun by being ableist about what he considers fun; women, on the other hand, may also be ableist but additionally have a non-zero chance of being attracted to him and reading his willingness to be in the woods with them as romantic interest, and there is a non-zero chance that they will act on that, so it is safer to simply avoid women in this situation in order to avoid the distraction and awkwardness.

The humor you're seeing so many people express about this post comes from the fact that we are all aware that this is silly. Avoiding being alone with women in the woods entirely because they might want to kiss is an overreaction, but we probably all have at least one thing that we overreact to as a Rule because of a similar train of logic, or we used to but realized it was ridiculous and course-corrected. Here's another viral post along those lines. Here's another.

Less humorously, I'd point to this post and its screencapped tags, which explain how autistic people are traumatized into avoiding social situations because we know that we may accidentally hit the invisible line where allistics feel we've done something unforgivable and refuse to accept any explanation. It's unspoken in the post we're talking about, but it's really always lurking in any situation that involves an autistic person dealing with allistics.

I can see how this could feel like the same kind of thing as Mike Pence refusing to be alone with women without Mother there to non-autistic/ace people, I think, but the distinction is that he isn't expressing any judgement of them or fear of their sexuality. I'm not sure if you've forgotten the post or are deliberately rewriting it here, but he's not worried that "being in the presence of a woman implies that [he's] going to or want to have sex with her," he finds the idea of someone wanting to get romantic with him uninteresting (asexual) and a distraction from staring at bugs (autistic), so he's trying to avoid it.

And this isn't to downplay the sexist aspect, because there clearly is one! This is a probably-cis-probably-guy on 4chan, and there's a strong element of "women are another species" and also of the idea that other men might be buddies but women are largely potential romantic interests. But to me, that is such a background-radiation-in-society-type sexism that ... I mean, it's everywhere, does one get upset at every joke about a woman saying she's fine when she's not, or every movie and tv show where young men talk about wanting to meet women for sex rather than to know them as people? (It's also very heterocentric, as I mentioned before, because the writer clearly assumes no men would be interested in him and that all women are straight and have potential for being interested in him, which I actually found more jarring.) The relatable autistic-and-ace-but-doesn't-know-it-yet vibes of the post balance it out very easily to me. The balance is going to be different for different people.

[leorawright]

tf2 romantic matchup?

i'm pan (questioning idk) /demi, and use she/they/it, i'm an ENTP 7w8 (still not sure about the enneagram part lmao)

i can be quiet at first if i dont know people, but if i "click" with a person i can practically make friends with them in an instant and am very energetic most of the time around that specific person. i often deal with difficult emotional situations using humor, and i have a difficult time with how to act during serious conversations so i can come off as uncaring or oblivious sometimes. very few things make me genuinely mad, but when i do get mad i tend to run away either figuratively or literally.

also, i really really enjoy discussing my hyperfixations with people who know about them. currently they're SCP (and anything based on paranormal/anomalous sci-fi) and AI as a topic. to most people i know, they're my entire personality. i'm also very much a music person, i have it on all the time and listen to a lot of different types of songs (will wood and jhariah are my favorites though). i also have several OCs that i love writing about (mainly because I'm too worried to write for existing fandoms because i'd mischaracterize them), and can go on at length about the imaginary characters/situatuons in my head lol. i love to draw on my own hands/arms, I'm not too good at drawing in general so usually I'll just do symbols or patterns, and i also make edits sometimes spending up to 6 hours on one project.

i'm pretty smart (according to the tests) but act kind of stupid/chaotic with people i'm comfortable with. i also love learning more about my hyperfixations or even different topics- if i'm remotely interested in the subject matter, i could end up staying up researching it for the majority of the night. speaking of which, i'm practically an insomniac by choice, and have trained myself to function relatively normally on around 4-5 hours of sleep or less.

i usually struggle with explicitly expressing my true emotions for someone, and when i do it can be really awkward, so i try to show my affection in other ways like spending time with them and listening to them. i also worry about whether something i did upset someone i love, and can often start feeling insecure about whether i'm still cared about.

in a partner i guess I'd want someone who'd tolerate my personality, since many people don't. also someone who's willing to listen to my rambles on different things, and encourages me or matches my energy idk. i guess also someone who'd be willing to occasionally reassure/validate me when i get insecure.

i think thats all! thanks :]

I know exactly who to pick...

Scout!

He's so glad that you're someone he can be energetic and chaotic with without being judged

He learns to understand how you deal with situations, and so he makes sure to adjust to how you act

He's not as good with staying awake as long as you but he still wants to be close to you so he'll often fall asleep beside you while you research stuff

He'll happily listen to your rambles, and he tries his best to remember everything so he can talk to you about it again

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello again. To begin with, I want to thank you again for that request related to Jihyun. I was so glad to see it, and besides, it even helped my self-esteem to lift a little. At that point in time, this question was really important. Thank you so much, I enjoyed reading. I also heard that you also do character matches. Can I ask you for this? To be honest, I'm just very interested, and I'm not very good at determining who I'm more compatible with. As I understand it, it also matters whether it will be platonic or romantic. I choose romance. I am 21 according to my passport and my age. I come from the far north. As far as I remember, my height is 158 centimeters, but perhaps this is no longer relevant information (although I am not growing fast), I can be called thin by my physique. My character… I don't think it will be easy to describe it. In general, I can be called a modest, shy and quiet person who appreciates close acquaintances, but feels awkward in large companies and next to strangers. I can also be called emotional, dreamy, more sociable with people close to me, others note that I am responsive, responsible and that I have deep thoughts. But of course it is not without its drawbacks. Among them, I can mention that I am quite lazy and at the same time a procrastinator, I also do not have the ability to study. I can also be called a hot-tempered girl (in society, this almost does not manifest itself, but with relatives and acquaintances, yes), I have very strong self-doubt, impulsivity (usually I think before I do, but not when I want something very much and not when I am in a state of strong emotions), the desire not to be myself and show myself to others on the good side (like another person), I should also note that I am quite pessimistic and able to be a parasite in relationships, to dry up a person (I had such an experience when a person in friendship burned out because of me, and I think, that I would feel guilty about it for the rest of my life. I try to get better, but sometimes I can go back to the old image, and I always watch myself, and try to smooth out the consequences). It's so strange that so much contradiction can fit in one person, but as it is. I am interested in history (my passion is the 18th-19th century), mythology, music (I am a music lover with a departure towards rock, instrumental and fantasy, sensual music), books (at school I especially liked classical literature. Now I've started reading less, but I still love books in principle), the language of flowers, diamond mosaic, art (my favorite styles are symbolism and surrealism, and the most favorite artist is Salvador Dali. But at the same time, I admire art in principle and I think that everything is fine, I like to study it), recently visual novels have also come here and I also periodically work on my universes and characters, rarely write anything. I really like stained glass windows, vytynanki (paper cutting), miniature and photography. And… ahem… I have a great weakness for magic, magical disciplines, and especially for elves, fairies, this has been the case since childhood, and it also remains. I think I got too carried away, as I always do. This is actually my first request of this kind, so I'm pretty worried. I do not know what else needs to be added here, but please let me know if you need something else or if a description of this kind does not fit and needs to be redone. I understand that it might sound a little messy, and this may make it difficult to find and think about compatibility. It will also not be scary if it turns out that no one will get along with me 🤭 Thank you in advance for your work and I apologize for the unnecessary concern (if so)!

I match you with...

Jumin!

You're the kind of person who finds it easy to beat yourself up over the smallest thing. You made a few mistakes here or there, but you make it as the entirety of your being. You don't know how to see yourself through a positive lens from the way that you describe yourself, and that's a shame because everybody should see themselves in a good light. Yet, you know the things that you're interested in and things that you like. You have a strong sense of who you are but sometimes it gets tangled up and insecurities. You need somebody that can see you for you. You need a partner that's not going to judge you the way that others have. You need somebody who's a realist but at the same time can be a genuine romantic.  So, it’s a case of Jumin Han for you, isn’t it?

You seem like the kind of person that wants a partner who knows what you're into and can engage with it. Conversations and understanding is something that you value. It's not that somebody has to be into what you're into, it's more that you need them to listen to you when you want to talk about it. You don't want to be spoken over or ignored when it comes to something you love. In this case, that's why you need a partner that values communication and talking together more than anything.

That is who Jumin Han is. He is a man that values talking with his partner deep into the night without thinking about when it's time to get some rest. He never loses energy when it comes to that. You can trust him to give you everything and more when it comes to giving you a conversation partner that shows you what it's like to be seen. He loves to hear you expand on your interests and he’s just about halfway into his personal study of it. Be prepared for that.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

I love your writing.

if it's not too much trouble may i make a request? I'm thinking the Dimitrescu women meeting and/or courting a fellow immortal.

the circumstances of the immortal's powers and possession of immorality are entirely up to you. I just like the idea of them meeting someone they could literally spend forever with...because they deserve it ❤

I wasn't sure if you wanted a story or headcanons? I went with HCs, here, but if you wanted more of a drabble or whatever just lemme know and I'll write something like that.

Also, I got excited and carried away so this has the whole Dimitrescu family, plus shorter ones for both Mother Miranda and Donna. Admittedly Alcina's is also a little on the shorter side? I tried to write everything that came to mind, but I am kinda tired right now, sorry. Might reblog this and add some more later.

(Under read-more for length)

Cassandra:

Tries (and fails) to hide her excitement. Mortality is one of the bigger things that has made her keep her distance to others, at least in the past. Every Maiden she’s ever been the slightest bit smitten with, up until this point, has been incredibly fragile. Seeing as she’s not exactly the softest person, one can easily imagine why that would be a turn off for her. But now that’s no longer a problem!

On the other had… having an immortal partner gives Cassandra pause. Why? Because what if they breakup? Normally, she can just, ahem, “dispose” of any exes (regardless of how much it hurts) so she doesn’t have to see them/deal with them anymore. If that’s not an option, she’ll definitely take longer than usual to do anything about her feelings. She wants to be sure, 100%, before she gets in over her head. Chances are she won’t hold back for as long as she wants though.

Likely to have a loud, messy confession. She’ll have been avoiding you for a few days, always ducking out of whatever rooms you enter, leaving you both hurt and confused. After enlisting the help of her sisters, you’ll be able to corner her outside. She’ll tell you, under no uncertain circumstances, to leave her alone. But you’ll refuse, demanding an explanation.

“I thought we had something. I thought you cared,” you’ll snap, eyes watering. “If that’s changed… if I was wrong, just tell me. I’ll leave and I’ll never come back.” Cue thunder and raining (because tropes) and Cassandra dramatically pulling you into a kiss, holding you so tightly you think you might bruise. Then she’s demanding that you stay, refusing to apologize but making it clear just how much she does care.

Being immortal, you’re not as defenseless as some of Cassandra’s past interests. Naturally, she doesn’t get quite as protective as she normally would. She’ll still have your back no matter what, ready to fight by your side against any foe, and will probably consider doing so a “fun bonding activity”. Oh, some lycans are encroaching on Dimitrescu territory? Time to go destroy them, as a power couple!

Despite having all the time in the world, Cassandra won’t change much of her actual courting behavior, nor the rate at which things advance. She’s still gonna get handsy fairly early on, still gonna “rah!” at you in the hallways, and still going to struggle with her jealousy.

Immortality Compatibility: I can see Cassandra going for another vampire (or vampire adjacent) creature, or someone demonic. She likes her lovers a bit rough, with some nice bite to their personalities. If you’ve got sharp teeth, or claws, or glowing eyes? Oh boy, she’s gonna be making heart eyes at you all the time.

Bela:

If your immortality isn’t immediately obvious, Bela is over the moon with joy when she finds out. Her eyes will go wide for a moment, before she tries to seem calm (so as to not freak you out), but her heart is pounding. This is what she’s been hoping for. As much as Mother Miranda has done for her family, there’s no guarantee that she’d be willing to give more. Even if Miranda granted Bela’s lover her “gift”, there was no telling what the results would be, or if the lover would survive. Now that there’s no need for such a transformation, it’s far easier for Bela to imagine herself in love (and eventually be in love).

Slow-burn romance over a decade or longer, oops. Doesn’t even necessarily mean to take things so slowly, just doesn’t feel a need to rush things, preferring that they develop organically. With both of you having unlimited time, you’re both used to working on a very large timescale. Maidens watching the two of you probably place bets on how long it’ll take you to hold hands for the first time. Everyone knows it’s coming, but no matter how much Cassandra and Daniela complain, Bela refuses to jump into things. By the time the two of you are officially together, you’re probably madly in love with each other.

More protective than Cassandra, if only because she knows just how rare you are. Immortal or not, you likely still have a weakness, and Bela will do everything in her power to make sure no one else knows what it is. If applicable, she will also ensure she has a countermeasure readily available. For example: If you were weak to fire, she’d make sure that the castle keeps extinguishers handy, just in case. Though they should probably already do that. Not that the Dimitrescu family cares much for OSHA compliance.

Somehow grows more in love with you with every passing year, and makes sure that you know this. Whether you’ve been together for one year or one century (because in this house we ignore canon), she’s always performing little acts of love, giving constant reminders of how strongly she feels. Gifts, special dates, book recommendations, etc.

Immortality Compatibility: Bela seems like the type to go for someone with a calming presence, and perhaps somewhat of a contrast to herself. I can picture her with someone somewhat angelic, or druidic, someone very in tune with nature. She’d love to feed deer with you and relax in the forest! Or lay against a tree by your side, listening to you talk about various microorganisms for hours at a time.

Daniela:

Practically tackles you when she finds out/connects the dots. This is just like one of her romance novels, where a lonely (attractive as fuck) immortal spends years in isolation before finally meeting the love of their life, who they get to spend the rest of eternity with. Absolutely ecstatic about the whole situation. Won’t stop kissing you and pulling you close, rambling about how great it’s gonna be to spend your lives together. Honestly? Kind of overwhelming. You might have to remind her a few times that you don’t have to rush into things, considering you have all the time in the world.

Introduces you to people as her “super cool/rad immortal life partner”. Genuinely cannot bring herself to not brag about you. If her sisters haven’t found someone like you yet, you can bet that Daniela will tease them about it all the time (much to their annoyance). If Momma Alcina doesn’t, though? Dani will keep her thoughts to herself, thank you very much (being grounded at her age does not impress the s/o).

Tries not to show it, but she’s actually very nervous. You’re immortal! You’ve probably seen a lot of shit (she certainly has)! Worries about keeping you interested in her, though she would never admit it. This tends to lead to her performing ridiculous acts to showcase her affection, regardless of the cost or, like, whether or not you’d even enjoy whatever she has planned. In order to counter her anxiety, you’ll want to reassure her whenever you can, and give her plenty of “I love you”s.

Strikes a decent balance between Cassandra’s nonchalant attitude and Bela’s protectiveness. Will defend you if you need it, playing up the romantic aspect, but also entirely willing to hide behind you in a scary situation.

Immortality Compatibility: Having probably read Twilight… Dani would date a werewolf, as long as they weren’t the smelly kind. Also interested in a sort of “magical”/elemental type, especially if their powers are influenced by emotions. In other words, if someone flirts with her in front of you, and your response is to subconsciously light your hands/the other person on fire? She thinks that’s hot, pun intended.

Alcina:

“Oh? Interesting,” she’d say, smiling softly (and trying to ignore the heat rushing to her face). Similarly to Cassandra, she’d try to play it off, not wanting to seem too excited. And, well, she’s not as excited as any of her daughters are. After all, she’s had more time than them to “get used” to the idea of outliving any potential romantic interests. So, she’s not exactly desperate for a relationship, even with someone she could spend an eternity with.

That being said, if she is romantically interested in them, she’s very relieved. Outliving a loved one can be incredibly traumatizing (fuck you c*pcom, you know what you did), and knowing that you’re safe (or at least safer than most) brings her no small amount of comfort.

Also, just glad to have another person close to her age around. Her daughters are somewhat stuck as young adults, and I imagine Alcina would want someone who gained immortality a little later in life, such as herself, as opposed to, ya know, reminding her of her children. That probably goes without saying. Hopefully.

More so than her daughters, Alcina would change her level of protectiveness depending on her s/o’s power level. If you’re a shapeshifter who can also turn into a big ass dragon? Then she’s not going to coddle you. If you’re immortal but still vulnerable, then she’s going to do her best to keep you safe, even going so far as to enlist the assistance of her daughters. “If you see a single Maiden growing mistletoe, or bringing some in from the village, let me know immediately,” or something like that, depending on your weakness.

Immortality Compatibility: Definitely would want someone in a situation similar to herself, having once been truly human, only to be “elevated” by something. Bonus points if you’re another disciple of Miranda, double bonus points if Miranda specifically “made” you to be Alcina’s boo/honey/darling/dear.

Bonus! Mother Miranda:

Oh god finally someone who won’t leave her (can’t leave her). No one can take you away from her, and that’s a relief that she’s been craving for over a century. Even if romance isn’t high on her priority list, she welcomes it with open arms, glad to have someone by her side through all of life’s chaos.

Admittedly slow to trust at first, probably just using you as a tool at first. But prove yourself enough, show that your devotion is more than just misdirected self-interest, and she’ll start to warm up to you. Forming a real relationship would likely take a couple decades, similar to with Bela. Once you are together, however, the two of you are inseparable in all matters.

You’d be her #1 follower, most trusted adviser, and the only person allowed to understand 100% of her thoughts and motives. While Miranda wouldn’t allow you to be seen as the same level as her (sorry), you’d still be a legend among the villagers. To them, you’re Mother Miranda’s champion, the epitome of a devoted follower that they all aspire to emulate. Not that they know the two of you are a couple, though.

Immortality Compatibility: No gimmicks, no cheap tricks, she wants (and respects) a fellow scientist, someone who clawed their way through adversity and forged themselves into something indestructible. Double the interest if you did so for a similar cause to her own, as she would appreciate your ability to relate to her suffering.

Bonus! Donna:

Someone to play with! FOREVER! No more losing people she cares about, no more accidentally breaking people, no more people scrambling to leave. Now that she has you, she can finally spend some quality time with another (living?) person. Honestly her dolls (or at least Angie) are just as excited as she is. Regardless of her relations with the other three Lords, Donna much prefers the company of a lover.

For real though she’s shy as hell and you might not even realize who’s pulling the strings until you’ve been in her house for over a year. She’d probably use her powers to trap you inside, at least at first, though they’d be nice hallucinations. You’d have to treat the dolls nicely, especially Angie, before she’d let you interact with her.

Eventually you’d be allowed to leave, and you’d be given a key to return whenever you wanted to. Assuming that you do, in fact, come back, the two of you would have a very, very slow romance, if only because of Donna’s anxiety. Hand holding makes both of your faces turn beet red, seriously.

Immortality Compatibility: *chanting* GHOST GIRLFRIEND GHOST GIRLFRIEND POLTERGEIST PARTNER POLTERGEIST PARTNER WOOHOO! Something with a flexible, only-sometimes-tangible form, who absolutely could have left at any time but didn’t because they wanted to stay.

[angeloroki]

you're the only one — s. todoroki & a. tamaki

— character ; aged up!shoto todoroki x fem!reader, aged up!amajiki tamaki x fem!reader

— request ; Can I request sm? So shouto and tamaki ( feel free to remove any of them if you want to ) having I nightmare about there s/o cheat on them and when they wake up they are kind of upset or insecure and reader comfort them ( fem!reader plz )And don’t feel forced to do it just do it when you want to and ily take care of yourself 😘

— genre ; angst & fluff at the end

— warnings ; insecurity ?

— a/n ; well amajiki's is longer cuz i don't write much about him, i hope you'll like it anyway!

and ty for your request <3 take care of yourself too ily too muah!

shoto todoroki

you turned to the other side, expecting to feel the comforting warmth of your boyfriend at your side. just before you were greeted by an icy morning cold.

reluctantly, and slightly surprised, you opened your eyes to find that, instead of seeing his still beautiful morning face, you saw only a void.

you looked at the alarm clock on your bedside table, it was far too early for him to have left.

with a sigh, you grabbed your slippers and dressing gown, and left your warm bed to find a cold you wished you hadn't met so soon.

as you left your room, you ran into shoto in your small kitchen, sipping coffee. a smile slowly came to light up your tired face.

« you're up early today. » you say by way of a greeting.

with slow steps, you place a tender kiss on his cheek. nevertheless, what made you raise your eyebrows was the fact that he was avoiding you. since when was the list of ingredients in the packet of biscuits so interesting?

he greeted you anyway, in a low, monotonous and slightly broken voice.

« what's going on ? »

alerted by his sadness, you took his face in your hands in a matter of seconds. your piercing eyes stared intently at him, ready to relieve his pain whatever it was.

his face was red from crying, and you still had traces of it on his rosy cheeks. he tried to pull away, with a gentle but strong gesture. worried, you bit your upper lip to keep from crying back. it was rare to see him in this state, being usually stoic. few things could put him in such a state.

« nothing, i just had a bad dream. »

your hand remained on his cheek, and you gently forced him to look at you. with a gentle gesture, your other free hand came to meet his, a certain warmth came to warm you despite the morning cold.

« i'm listening baby. »

a long sigh escaped his lips.

« it's not worth it, y/n, just ridiculous. »

you frowned slightly.

« shoto, I'm worried. »

a faint smile stretched his lips slightly. and without you expecting it, he laid his head on your neck. his warm breath made you shiver.

« you abandoned me from one day to the next. without a word, without any explanation. in fact, you left me for another man. and that's how i understood that i wasn't good enough for you.

i know i'm not the ideal man, i'm quite atypical and i don't always show my love for you like other boyfriends do. and sometimes i wonder how a woman as fabulous as you can be with me. »

he stopped.

« you know i'm not stupid, i see how other men look at you. »

as he spoke, you could feel his tears rolling down your chest.

« but i love you. you're the first person i've ever loved this much. you've shown me another side of life that i never got to know because of my father. you've taught me to love y/n. i can't see myself without you. »

your hand came to meet his hair, which you gently stroked. a tear of your own this time came down your face too. you were kind of relieved that it wasn't that bad, although seeing him in that state kind of freaked you out.

« shoto todoroki, listen to me. you're the perfect man for me. you're the one who smiles at me without even meaning to. you're the one who got me to like cold soba. you're the one who comes to warm me up at night in your arms. you're the one i could die for. you're the one who manages to get me to watch the same cheesy romantic movie every night. you're the one i could talk to for hours and days. you're the one person i can see myself spending the rest of my life with. »

you didn't hear him crying anymore. instead, a comforting silence enveloped you both now.

« y/n - »

« you are the man of my life. and i love you like crazy, it scares me a little sometime how much love i have for you. you have no idea. »

with that, you placed a kiss on his lips, which tasted slightly salty from his now dry tears. it was with pleasure that you felt a smile stretch against your lips. his arms came around you in a long, loving hug.

« i love you, y/n l/n todoroki. »

amajiki tamaki

you had finished work earlier so you decided to surprise your fiancé by making his favourite dish.

you hadn't seen him this morning before you left for work, which surprised you a little because he always took the time to come and say hello or give you a kiss.

and now that you think about it, it's true that he hadn't texted you all day, which he usually did too. whether it was to complain about how he embarrassed himself in front of everyoneor just to slip a sweet i love you into your notifications.

had you pissed him off ? you shook your head at yourself, you don't remember if you did. you were probably imagining things.

a few minutes later, you heard the door slam and your boyfriend drop his stuff in front of the entrance. you expected him to come up behind you to give you a long, warm kiss. well, he didn't and probably won't because you heard him lock himself in your room.

you raised an eyebrow. something was wrong.

with a quick step, and slightly apprehensive, you joined him, and came upon a tamaki curled up in a ball in your bed.

you sat down next to him, putting your hand gently on his shoulder.

« tell me what's wrong. »

« i don't know what you're talking about. »

you flinch slightly at the tone of his voice. hard and cold it was. which was a big change from his usually soft and warm voice.

the high school amajiki had grown up, matured. you were able to be by his side as he evolved, he was now a confident and strong man. although old habits die hard

« huh ? did i do something ? »

he finally met your gaze, and it didn't match his tone. full of melancholy, his eyes were bright. he had been crying.

your expression, which at first was slightly annoyed, became more and more panicked. your hands automatically came to meet his, but they refused to meet them.

« tell me what the fuck is wrong ! »

« i - i don't know if it's a good idea for us to get married. »

you swallowed hard. the words stuck in your throat, you didn't understand what had just happened.

« w-why ? » you asked silently.

« i'm not good enough for you, you deserve better. let's stop kidding ourselves. »

an unpleasant heat came over your face, it was anger rising.

how could he know that you deserved better ? didn't your unconditional love for him count for anything ?

« why- why are you saying all this now ? »

it wasn't like him. he had a tendency to doubt himself sometimes, but he had never doubted your love for each other.

« isaw that you had cheated on me. in a dream, of course. you seemed happy with this man. he was everything i wasn't. perfect. i don't want you to waste your time with me, i don't want you to make the mistake of your life by getting engaged to me... i'm just a waste of time, well i've always been anyway. you must think i'm exaggerating and being ridiculous... i probably am... »

he lowered his head as he spoke, now refusing to look you in the eye. it was as if he were eighteen again, the shy and anxious teenager who refused to make eye contact with anyone when he was embarrassed.

a slight gasp escaped your lips.

your hands finally met his, you smiled softly when he didn't try to pull away. you let the silence settle comfortably between you, letting the gestures express your thoughts.

your soft gestures that had already comforted him many times in the hardest moments as well as in the most joyful ones. the same ones that had always succeeded in making him feel loved and safe in your fusional relationship.

he relaxed little by little in your arms, letting all his doubts fly away with this tension that paralyzed his muscles.

you finally spoke up when you were in a fairly comfortable position, both in each other's arms.

« amajiki, baby. i could never be this happy with anyone else. and i mean it. you're the one i grew up with, loved, cried with, laughed with. how can you say you're a waste of time? sweetie, even if we broke up, i'd be happy to tell everyone i loved a great man like you. but i know that's never going to happen, because i'm ready to say yes to you when the time comes. »

his grip around your waist tightened slightly.

« i - »

a tear rolled down your cheek. It wasn't sad, it represented all the love you had for him.

« you don't have to say anything, just kiss me tamaki. »

with your eyes closed, you felt his lips against yours. he had a gift for giving sweet kisses too.

« let me make you the happiest of brides y/n.. »

[werewolf-witchboy]

Tokoyami Fumikage X Male Reader

Being A Witch Boy And Dating Tokoyami

WARNINGS: none uwu

Being a witch has nothing to do with your quirk, you just like practicing the dark arts and witchy things.

I'm not going to mention what your quirk is, so you can imagine that you have whatever quirk you want, or you can imagine yourself as someone without a quirk.

💀 Tokoyami had been fascinated with your hobby of witchcraft ever since he met you. He was most fascinated with the fact that your actual quirk has nothing to do with how your witchcraft works.

🕯 He had already thought you were cute before, and he had been in that time of his life where he was starting to question his sexuality a little- but after you showed him your witchy interests, he fell hard for you.

💀 He may be a dark and edgy birb boi, but he's also quite shy and awkward. He probably would have never confronted you about his crush if you hadn't told him your feelings for him first.

🕯 When y'all started dating, literally everyone was like "FINALLY!!" cuz it was super obvious that the two of you were meant for each other.

💀 When it comes to what type of witch you are, i'd say you're a witch of all traits.

-You love dark and spooky things, but you also love pastel colors and nature.

-Your room in the class 1A dorm is most likely full of plants, candels, a variety of antiques and trinkets, and shit that you can't buy at stores until it's around Halloween time.

🕯 Tokoyami likes to ask many questions about all of the different types of things you do, and he actually pays attention and is super interested. You'll even teach him some new things, and show him how to do them himself.

💀 You love Dark Shadow as much as you love Tokoyami himself. Though they're both very different in personality, you find them both charming and adorable (despite them both saying they're not "adorable," they're dark and spoopy lmao).

🕯 He also loves your animal familiar.

-Your familiar rarely comes out of your bedroom. Since you're dating Tokoyami, you allow him in your room (which means a lot more than he probably thinks it does, cuz spaces where witches do their magic and recharging are very sacred to them) so he gets to see your familiar quite often.

💀 It's rare for familiars to show affection to anyone that isn't their bonded witch, but your familiar absolutely loves Tokoyami.

-They'll hop onto his lap immediately as soon as he sits down in your room.

🕯 Both you and Tokoyami thrive in the darkness, so there are often times where you both hang around in your dimly lit room cuddled up together just talking all day (or even sometimes laying there in comfortable silence).

-You'll be in there together for so long that all of your friends will start questioning where you're both at, and not even realize that you're just in your room.

💀 He obviously likes you a whole lot, but he's super bad at saying it with words. He's just shy and bashful. BUT THEN DARK SHADOW EXPOSES HIM LMAO-

-You'll be standing there looking super cute, and Tokoyami will just stare at you and want to say something so badly. Then Dark Shadow appears and is all like "wOw yOu'Re sUpEr hOt" and Tokoyami just dies right there in the very spot he's standing cuz he can't believe that just happened.

🕯 That's another thing- Tokoyami stares at you a LOT. He even did it before y'all started dating, but now he doesn't even try to hide it.

-You barely noticed at first, but once you started noticing how often you catch him staring at you, you can't help but tease him a little.

-You'll stare at him back, directly in the eyes, and he'll get super flustered and embarrassed.

-Then to calm him down and make him feel less embarrassed, you'll giggle at his flustered-ness and give him a lil beak kiss...which just makes him even more flustered.

💀 He's definitely the type who wants to be a total romantic, and speak all poem-like to you, and shower you with praises, ect. BUT he gets so flustered when it comes to affection, and second-guesses himself when it comes to his ideas of showing affection.

-He's scared of coming off too strong, or seeming to clingy, or even not doing enough, so he never really gets the chance to act out any of how he wants to show affection- and to top it all off he can't help but be absolutely smitten every time you give him affection of any sort, and he'll not know how to react to it.

🕯 You never call him out on his shyness or how he reacts to your affection, you're not offended with any way he reacts to you. You think it's super cute how innocent he seems when it comes to all of this, and of course you encourage any time he gets a little bit of confidence to hold your hand or compliment you (without the help of Dark Shadow lol).

💀 His feathers get all ruffled when he's flustered, and OMFG it's too cute. 🥺😭

🕯 Something that he loves so much is when you borrow his clothes. Because for him, it's kind of a way to show affection towards you without being super direct about it.

-So him being like "you're cold? here, wear my sweatshirt" translates to "TAKE EVERYTHING FROM ME, KEEP IT FOREVER, I LOVE YOU FJSKDJFHR-"

💀 Don't come @ me- Tokoyami listens to death metal, but he'd totally vibe with something like kpop if you introduced him to it.

-He's definitely a Loona stan.

🕯 Highkey though, now that I think of it- he probably also listens to Joji and Billie Eilish.

-Like, really moody sad boi hours indie music.

-He'd have Will He playing in his headphones, and he'd be all edgy and in his feelings, but he'd also be doing something like baking cookies at the same time lmfao.

-He'd have a playlist named "songs to cry to," but he'd be listening to it while knitting sweaters for puppies or something.

💀 No, you didn't ask me what kind of music that I think Tokoyami listens to, but you got it anyway. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

🕯 If he's at a store, and sees something kinda spooky looking that makes him think of you, he'd quickly get it and think all day of giving it to you, and he'd want to watch you add it to your collection of lil trinkets and antiques.

-....But he'd chicken out so hard I stg.

-This poor baby would rehearse how he'd give it to you in his head over and over again, and then when the time comes to give it to you, he'd get suddenly so tongue-tied and worried if you'd actually like it or not.

-But, of course, you love whatever he gets you every time. Your always super surprised when he gets you something, cuz it's not your birthday or any special day, and you never expect gifts from people.

-Every time you accept a gift from him, you always want to squeal, tackle him, and shower him with kisses- but you resist doing so with all of your being, cuz you know he'd malfunction.

-Instead you very profoundly thank him many times, and give him one especially loving kiss.

-Seeing your extra surprised and happy reaction always relieves him so much, and it makes him want to do it all over again and gift you a whole shop full of trinkets. His lack of hundreds of dollars is the only thing that stops him.

💀 You're the type of person who wears a lot of black, and scatters bright colors here and there within your look. Your style ranges from goth to pastel e-boy.

🕯 You don't like to change other people's styles or tell other people what to wear, but every once in a while, Tokoyami expresses an interest in dressing like you- which you go NUTS over.

-You'll let him borrow your pastel sweaters, and he'll let you put bright colored hairclips in his feathers.

-He now even owns some pastel colored clothing of his own, that you either gifted him or he secretly bought himself at some point.

💀 He used to be shy about changing up his style every once in a while at first. Whenever you'd take pictures of him wearing bright clothes, he'd softly ask you not to show them to any of the others.

-Eventually he became confident enough to go out in public those rare days he'd wear bright colors, and everyone is always super supportive of the different style.

🕯 He had never been in a relationship with another guy before he started dating you.

-He started questioning his sexuality around the time he started high school, but it was never a priority at first because he was more focused on working hard to get into U.A. and thinking about his future being a hero.

-aNd tHeN hE mEt yOu, and now we're here lol.

-ANYWAYS, y'all go to pride parades together.

-Something he isn't shy about is his sexuality, cuz as soon as he realized how he felt about you, he was all in and that was that.

-Y'all go all out for parades with face and body paint, and shirts with your flags on them, and even sometimes bringing signs and flags to hold up and wave around.

-Some of your friends will come with the two of you, whether they're there because they're also lgbtq+ or just because they support it.

-It's the most social the two of you are the entire year, cuz your both introverted lil emos that don't really talk to many people outside of class 1A.

💀 So yeah- I think Tokoyami is highly underrated and I'm extremely soft for him. He's an emo birb boi, what is not to love.

-I believe in emo birb boi supremacy.

-Rise all Tokoyami stans, we shall take over the entire anime world someday.

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 18)

Hiya! I'm posting late, on account of my job. Editing these takes about an hour depending on the post and inserting the images takes a little more, but I didn't have a solid block of time to work on it, so I worked on it in pieces and I only just now finished.

This arc highlights Natsume's powerlessness. He's distancing himself from Mikan to protect her, but by doing this, he leaves her defenseless at times. He wants to be there for her but can't because of the corner he's been pushed into, and in his desperation he turns to anonymity.

Chapter Eighty-One

Hotaru, Natsume, and Ruka are running after them, but are caught by Tsubasa, who asks them what their plan is, exactly. Ruka turns to Natsume, who turns to Hotaru, who pretends she was just practicing her running for the Festival and then the boys started following her for no reason. This comic relief is a badly-needed break from all the bullying and blackmail of the arc so far.

This arc is full of fun comic relief, but the main plot is so depressing and frustrating that sometimes the comic relief is not enough.

In any case, all three of them know that the others are all working to take care of Mikan, even if she doesn't know it. They're all looking out for her in their own ways, even Natsume who seems to have publicly turned against her. At least Hotaru and Ruka can see the truth: he's still quite concerned about it, but he's in something of a bind now.

The next we see of Natsume, he’s walking with Tsubasa, being spied on by both Hotaru and Ruka. It’s here that we discover that Tsubasa has been transferred to the DA class, but is keeping this secret from Mikan. Moreover, he and Natsume are on a mission to locate Yuka, and they’re both aware that Mikan is her daughter. It’s interesting to know just how much information the DA class has on the other students that the other kids have no clue about. Hotaru and Ruka are shocked by this information, but for us as readers, it also demonstrates just how much work Natsume--and Tsubasa--are putting into protecting Mikan.

All this information is stuff they have to consider on their missions. They want to protect Yuka, because she’s Mikan’s mother, but they have no choice but to pursue and chase after her with raids and attacks. On top of that, Tsubasa is keeping his new ability class a secret, and Natsume has to hurt her with this Luna farce. It’s a lot to put on two kids, not that the ESP or Persona have much issue putting pressure on kids.

For Natsume in particular, it was fun while it lasted, being close to Mikan. He had relished and enjoyed it, and now he has to change pace. He’s willing to, because that’s how he can keep her smiling and having fun, even if he’s not on her team and can’t even be in her inner circle anymore. He’s willing to sacrifice anything for her, but we can see that it’s not any fun for him. Mikan is suffering in sadness, yes, but so is Natsume.

The next thing he has to do only makes things worse.

He confronts Mikan about the rumor Luna made up, about Mikan showing her underwear to the Fuukitai to avoid punishment. It’s obviously bogus: Mikan would never even think to do that, let alone actually do it. He knows that too, because Natsume knows her very well. He asks because he has to.

Mikan avoids answering, brushing it off as none of Natsume’s business, because she is also under Luna’s watchful gaze. So they end up having an argument in front of everyone, both not saying what they really mean, and instead doing as Luna commands, to keep everyone safe. Mikan points out that she isn’t his partner--or anything--anymore, so he should mind his business. Natsume then asks if that means his concern is a bother, and she confirms: yes. It’s a big fat pain.

It's heartbreaking and frustrating in equal spades.

It’s almost as if Natsume was testing something. Now he knows that Luna must have threatened Mikan in the storeroom. Something sinister happened there, and now Mikan is different, dishonest, mean. That’s not what she’s actually like, and now he’s concerned. Luna’s shadow is spreading and it’s threatening to encroach on Mikan’s light.

Chapter Eighty-Two

Natsume walks off, having heard all he needs to hear.

Luna is causing mayhem and strife to punish Mikan and Natsume specifically for their misbehavior on New Year’s. She wants Mikan to be isolated from Natsume in particular because he’s her number one protector. If there’s a wedge between them, Mikan is easier to target. After all, Mikan’s purpose at the academy is to lure in Yuka, and the more danger she is in, the more likely Yuka is to try and save her daughter. If Natsume is around, threatening Mikan becomes tricky. He’d never allow anything bad to happen to her, hence his desperation and sacrifice in this arc. In order to fulfill their goals regarding Yuka, they need Natsume out of Mikan’s picture.

Of course, despite Natsume’s secret intel being superior to Ruka or Hotaru’s (and definitely to Mikan’s), he’s still not entirely in the know. Yuka being the main target, for example, is information Natsume is not privy to, and couldn’t even imagine. This is a game Natsume is unaware that he cannot win. If he doesn’t distance himself from Mikan, she’ll be threatened, but if he does, she’ll be threatened. In reality, there's no way he can win this round.

Chapter Eighty-Three

Anyway, the Sports Fest doesn’t slow down for the kids’ drama. The athletic meets have begun, and now there is a relay race.

Ruka and Natsume are on different teams for the relay, and this has inspired Ruka to beat his best friend, so he can be number one in Mikan’s eyes for once.

I will talk way more about the “love triangle” aspect of NatsuMikan and the question of choice, autonomy, and agency in Mikan’s essay, because when it comes to Natsume's side of things, he's very much resigned to losing every romantic game, every relay race, every competition. It's no contest. He's not competing. He's withdrawn from the race, now more than ever. He will not participate. He is destined to lose, after all, so why even bother?

And so Ruka wins the actual relay, and Natsume watches as everyone has fun without him, something that he’s been accustomed to before. It hurts more now, undoubtedly, because for a time, he was actually a part of the group. Knowing what it feels like to fit in and have fun with everyone makes it even worse when it’s gone again. He used to separate himself from the rest and suffer all on his own, but now he’s returned to that state.

He hasn’t quite let go, either. His effort and commitment to the Sports Fest, despite all the drama with Mikan and Luna, demonstrate just how much he actually wants to participate. It’s not about having his friends around him. He actually likes being able to have fun, and be allowed to take part in an event with everyone else, even if he isn’t technically by his friends’ sides.

His bad feelings are only exacerbated by Luna, who shows up to taunt him. He shouldn’t worry about Mikan and Ruka, because they’ll be torn apart eventually. Whatever happiness they find right now is temporary. It won’t last, and Luna will make sure of it.

But Natsume loves both Mikan and Ruka, and that does not reassure him at all. He’s selfless, would rather they be together anyway. In a perfect world, maybe she could pick him, and it makes him sad that the world isn’t perfect and he can’t have what he wants, but he’s always at peace with losing. So he’s not at all comforted by the idea that the happiness his loved ones have found will dissipate in no time.

Chapter Eighty-Four

Luna then giggles, because whether or not Ruka and Mikan’s being split apart will result in Natsume’s happiness is another question entirely. She wants to rub it in that even if Ruka is out of the picture, he can never be with Mikan. Joke’s on her though, because Natsume has already come to terms with this the moment he fell in love with Mikan. He hasn’t been humoring ideas of love confessions and weddings and living happily ever after. It’s outside the realm of possibility, because his circumstances do not allow him much happiness at all.

The future seems bleaker than ever, and knowing that Ruka and Mikan are being kept under watch by the school, Natsume keeps an eye on them too. He’s feeling sad and heart-broken too, of course. He’s not perfect. He can’t erase feelings of jealousy or the ache of unrequited love just because he feels it’s his duty to make peace with them. It hurts, but he’ll carry through. That’s what he’s always done.

But people are gossiping about his presence, putting his position in jeopardy. Luna can’t know he’s still hanging around Mikan, even if Mikan herself is clueless to this. Before he can be discovered, he steals someone’s mask, the mask of a boy named Kusami whose hairstyle looks an awful lot like Natsume’s.

If only he could be allowed to just steal people's identities and not have to face any consequences for it. Alas.

Unfortunately for Natsume, the Borrowing Race is about to begin, and Kusami was arranged to be a participant. He put the mask on to avoid responsibility for his spying, but it’s bit him in the butt now.

Kusami benefits from this, indirectly, since kids who call him moron get the cold shoulder from Natsume, who doesn’t have the same easy-going personality.

It seems nobody actually wants to participate in the Borrowing Race. It’s very personal and vulnerable: you have to borrow a person or item you’d least want to borrow, as dictated on a small piece of paper assigned to you. It’s then judged by some mind-reading alices to test the validity of the borrowed items. The concept of the race functions around embarrassing and humiliating people, so naturally nobody would want to participate.

Natsume has gotten himself into trouble here. He can’t even make a run for it, though he really wants to, because for some reason people are hell-bent on Kusami competing. He’s in the second round, and starts running as he--or Kusami--is supposed to. He gets his paper and although we don’t see what’s written on it quite yet, we can see a focus on Mikan in one of the panels, so we can tell his first thought is to borrow her.

To confess anonymously in front of the whole school or to not confess anonymously in front of the whole school--that is the question.

And then in a few pages, emboldened by the mask he’s wearing, Natsume runs toward Mikan and grabs her wrist. He’s decided he will borrow her, because maybe she’ll never find out his true identity, and he can be selfish just this once. This could be his only chance ever to be honest about how he feels. He's had to lie and hide it for so long that it makes sense he'd take the first opportunity available to go for it. This is quite possibly the most selfish thing he’s done. If he gets caught, he’ll be entirely exposed.

Unlike Ruka, Natsume can't really win this race. He won't be number one in Mikan's eyes, ever. He can't ever tell her it's all for her. The very best he can do is compete with a mask on. Ruka can try his hardest and impress Mikan and Natsume feels he never will. It's not much of a competition when one person cannot and will not compete.

He runs, despite her confusion and obliviousness, or perhaps because of it.

And just as the fireworks displaying his prompt start going off in the sky, he lets her go and walks away resolutely. There. He’s participated.

“The person you love.”

Mikan is chasing after Natsume, but he can’t be caught. Being caught would ruin everything, and would make his selfish act even more selfish. He shoves the mask back into Kusami’s face, and takes off.

You'd think he'd be a bit happier to have finally confessed his feelings but he just looks miserable.

Natsume has been very selfish now. He didn’t have to grab Mikan. He could’ve borrowed anybody and lost. Does it matter if he wins? He’s not Kusami. He could’ve just gotten the race over with and run away, but instead he played along, because he wanted to confess. He’s never been so honest in his life. He wants her to know he loves her, even if she doesn’t know who “he” is. And if he gets caught, then Mikan will know for a fact that Natsume Hyuuga loves her, and everything he’s done so far--hyping up Ruka, distancing himself, being cruel to protect her, allowing Luna to cling to him--will have been for nothing. She’ll know it was all a ruse, and then she’ll be open to all sorts of dangers. But he risks it, because he just can’t hide it anymore. He always has to hide, always has to pretend, always has to sacrifice his own feelings for the sake of others. This time, he’ll say exactly what he means, made all the more easier by the fact that there’s a mask on his face.

He’s done something like this before, particularly when he kissed Mikan on Christmas.

And the Christmas kiss is nothing compared to this: an actual love confession. The kiss was just that, and he had plenty of excuses for why he’d kiss her. It wasn’t because he loved her, no way! It was because she kept saying the other one didn’t count. Or maybe he just wanted to know what it felt like. That’s all. The excuses were just another mask to hide behind.

What excuse could he possibly give for a love confession that a panel of mind-reading judges corroborated? If he’s caught, she will know.

All his tiny instances of selfishness are smaller examples of the same idea: he lets himself be affectionate for once. He can say he prefers her with her hair down, or hug her during the SA class labyrinth, or cuddle with her when he’s having a nightmare, just this one time, and then he’ll give up for good. She won’t notice. It won’t have an effect. It won’t have consequences. He’ll give up for good after; he’ll just do this one selfish thing and then never again. But he can’t give it up, and eventually Christmas happens. He kisses her, unloading so much affection into one action, as if he’s trying to just get it over with. He’ll just get all his love out with one kiss and then he’ll be okay to watch her fall in love with anybody else but him.

But he can’t. He can’t stop doing these little selfish things. He can’t suffocate his love and leave it to die, hidden and smothered like a skeleton in a closet. Despite his every attempt to kill it, to hide it, to pretend like it’s not important, it has only grown stronger. He loves her more and more everyday, and the more he loves her, the harder it is to pretend like he doesn’t care if he never gets what he wants.

He wants to be with her. He wants to kiss her and protect her openly. He wants to sit next to her in class and smile with her. He wants to spend time with her and be on her team for school events. He wants to hold her hand and tell her he loves her.

He doesn’t want to give it all up and wreck his own chances.

The longer he’s loved Mikan, the harder it’s been to be selfless like this. The yearning has only gotten stronger, and now it takes all his power to be cruel to her. What used to come naturally, like being cold and distant and insulting her, has become difficult. What comes naturally to him now is to confess his love or hold her hand or be around her.

Despite the fact that Natsume was the only person who seems to have borrowed the correct person for the race, the White team still loses, on account of him not actually being Kusami.

At the end of the chapter, he sits alone, brooding in a tree.

He hasn’t been caught, so his actions have no consequences for now. He can sit there and mourn what could have been. He can’t be with Mikan, let alone confess his feelings. This was just an excuse to live out a fantasy. He wants to be loud about his feelings, not muffle them. But this is Natsume we’re talking about. He never gets what he wants. And in his opinion, he shouldn’t because Ruka deserves a happy ending way more. And Mikan would never love him back anyway. Ruka would be better for her.

This is just another instance of Natsume promising himself that he’ll do one more selfish thing before he gives up forever. But we know he’s bad at keeping his word, and this is no exception.

Chapter Eighty-Five

Before Mikan can confront Natsume about the borrowing race, Luna steps in, covering for him, claiming she was watching with him from the bleachers during the race. She clings to his arm and drags him off, spurring even more rumors that he and Luna are an item.

She's so violent with him for really no reason.

He tells her to get off, but she reminds him that she’s just done him a favor (though it’s really just a favor to herself). She grabs his hand and holds it tight, and again people get the wrong idea. It’s interesting how such physically painful things come across as romantic to the people around them, who think that Luna is simply holding his hand. Natsume’s persistent look of misery and apathy doesn’t deter people at all from rumors that he’s dating her. After all, Luna is clinging to him with a smile on her face and he’s not doing anything to peel her off, so it must mean they have feelings for each other. Natsume has been so good at hiding his feelings, that nobody--not even the girl he really loves--knows what it looks like when he’s loving and affectionate to somebody. They think he's into Luna, and can't see that what he really needs is help.

Chapter Eighty-Six

Luna has just arranged a terrifying fall for Mikan, knowing she’d use her alice as a knee-jerk reaction to save herself, thus causing others to think she did it for the attention. Mikan could’ve been seriously injured, or worse, and is definitely in trouble now, so Natsume is furious.

He confronts Luna, and the only thing stopping him from hurting her is that he could put Mikan in even more danger by doing so. But Luna is remorseless, giggling that she had no choice but to threaten Mikan. After all, she’s just doing what the principal said they’d do. Mikan should have been put in Persona’s custody in the DA class immediately following the Hana Hime party incident, but Natsume’s sacrifices have allowed her to skate by. Luna is there to observe and punish what she perceives as bad behavior, and anything less than abject misery from Mikan is bad behavior to her.

She warns Natsume: if he really wants to protect Mikan, then he’ll make sure she’s hated. That way, she won’t be in danger.

Powerlessness.

Natsume can’t go around confessing his love to her with a mask on anymore. He needs to sacrifice their relationship entirely in order to keep her safe. And so he does.

He’s sitting on a bench, surrounded by his classmates. Permy is adamantly defending Mikan. These rumors that Mikan fell on purpose for the attention are obviously stemming from Luna, who has the whole class wrapped around her finger. She turns to Natsume, looking for back-up, but Natsume has been told clearly what to do in order to really protect Mikan, and it has nothing to do with standing up for her against these rumors.

Instead, he says that it’s best not to be involved with Mikan anymore. He doesn’t want to see her or hear about her anymore, and he doesn’t want to associate with anyone who associates with her. He tries to give off the impression that he hates her, that he’s disgusted by her.

Then he sees that she’s been there all along, listening.

This is almost like the scene where he tells her he hates everything about her. He’s doing the hard thing to protect her. He’s lying, willing to hurt her, willing to be the villain, if it means she’s in the light and out of the dark.

But this is different.

Mikan could take it before. She yelled back that she hated him too, just as much, and even though that was a lie, it was still something she was able to say. She could argue and fight. This time she crumbles and runs away.

And he’s different too. Before, he could walk away, resolute and determined. Knowing that she’ll be better off this way was enough for him. He didn’t even look back. This time, he can’t leave things like that.

After all, last time was easier. He didn’t think she actually liked him back then. It would really only hurt him. He knows better now. Mikan cares about him, and it doesn’t matter what shape that care takes. It only matters that hearing Natsume call her worthless brings her to tears now, and that’s enough for him to feel way more conflicted.

This time, he apologizes.

He doesn't say he's sorry, but he's saying he's sorry.

He finds Kusami, steals his mask once again, never saying one word to a kid who has been generously keeping his secret for him. He runs after Mikan, and when he finally catches up to her, he hugs her.

Wearing the mask while hugging her is like wearing a raincoat in a hurricane. It won’t change anything or protect him at all. In fact, all he’s doing is giving her confirmation that it’s him, but he doesn’t care.

He doesn’t want her to think he hates her. He can’t stand it anymore. He’s sorry and he didn’t mean it.

He hugs her and this is different from his selfish hugs during the RPG or when he was having a nightmare. Those were little stolen moments for him to remember. He could take them from Mikan and cherish them as precious memories, even if she never thought of them again. This one is different. This one is for her, to comfort her, to apologize.

It’s all the things he can’t say. I didn’t mean it. Sorry. I have to do this. I really do care about you, I promise. It’s not real. Luna’s making me do this.

But before she can turn around to look at him, he leaves again.

He knows, because of Luna’s warning, that Mikan’s life will only get harder. He wants to help her, but by helping her, he’s placing himself further from her, making it harder for him to protect her in the future. If he’s distant from her to keep Luna at bay, then he’s not around to protect her from Luna in the storeroom, or during the cheerleading competition.

It’s what one might call a Catch-22. No matter what he chooses, he loses. And the worst part is that so does Mikan.

Conclusion

Natsume isn't an active participant in the last few chapters of this arc, so this is how I'll wrap the meta here. In the next arc there will be much to say about him. The Sports Fest went deep into Natsume's love for Mikan. It's not surprising that his love inspires selflessness. Natsume will always put others in front of himself and the more he loves someone, the more fervent he is about self-sacrifice. The truly beautiful thing about Natsume's love for Mikan is that it inspires selfishness too. And I never mean selfish as bad when I'm talking about Natsume. His love for Mikan is special in that it makes him want things for himself too.

I'm having doubts about being able to post tomorrow, so I apologize for only two posts this week. Expect normal posting next week at the very least! This essay is probably more than halfway through already, though I can't say for sure how much is left. Where I am now in terms of essay-writing is already deep in the Time-Travel Arc and as a result there's entire chapters I've skipped. Like. Seven in a row at times. Yikes. So basically we're pretty far in!

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[hanazou]

Hi! Could I ask for Dazai, Ranpo, Kunikida/Atsushi with an s/o who frequently picks their skin/scabs/scalp. My psychologist, mom, and I are pretty confident that I have ASD, and it's a relatively common stim. This can also happen with ADHD, OCD, and anxiety disorders -- I'm not sure if this suggestion is too centered around a reader’s identity! (Also, it's not intentional self-harm; it relieves stress and boredom, but just happens to cause damage :/ If you're uncomfortable, I understand) Thx! <3

dazai, ranpo, and atsushi and a lover who constantly picks skin/scalp/scab.

📜 Books : Dazai | Ranpo | Atsushi

📜 Word count : 2.3k

📜 Shelf : Paperback

📜 Category : Headcanons

📜 Genre : Fluff, with a tiny hint of angst with Dazai and Atsushi

📜 Caution : Vague mentions of disorders and insecurities

📜 Note : Don't worry, @my-introvert-hideout! I'm not uncomfortable nor is this too specific. In fact, I had so much fun writing this! I chose Atsushi (because I kin him I resonate with him better), I hope this does your suggestion justice. I apologize if any of these is inaccurate.

Enjoy your books! 💛

Dazai Osamu

He's an ex Port Mafia executive and currently employed as a detective. Never doubt that he'll catch on your habit the first time you display it around him. But only when things are official between you two will he take an action about it.

With his background and quick wits, Dazai knows a lot about the quirks people can have, where they came from, and why they do it. By judging from your expression and slights of movements, he knows that it's caused by your certain conditions and nothing like deliberately inflicting pain on yourself. After all, he's well accustomed to self harm itself too, and he doesn't see it in you, not that way.

Dazai's understanding on your habit will be more personal rather than analytical--because of his self destructive tendencies. He can relate to you in this aspect, but whether this is a bad or good news is completely up to your personal interpretation.

Only after things become official between you both that he steps his feet into ‘that’ zone, deciding now he has the right to interfere. He's the type of guy that perceives intervening with issues like this requires a special established relation with you beforehand, if not, who is he to say anything?

Dazai doesn't mind that you never took the initiative to tell him first, what matters that is he knows and he has for long. He'll take his chance of intervention when you start picking yourself again, but only when it's just the two of you around. If you're with the other ADA members or within a crowd, he'll just figure out something to distract you and do it subtly.

The private moment will come sooner than you think. With a swift move that escaped your eyes, he has taken your hand hostage. "Nuh-uh," He cooed. "You're prone to injure your pretty skin."

His direct words will push you off guard. You'll notice that he knows about your quirk, maybe get a little shy from not realizing that he knows if you're the shy type of person.

Dazai is a clingy guy and even more so as a boyfriend, your habit will only give him a legitimate reason to hold your hand wherever you two go. Your hands will sweat from constantly holding his. He will definitely use it as an advantage to tease you too.

"I have to go to the bathroom, can I trust your hand or do I have to keep holding it?"

You will literally throw his hand away. "What th—Go by yourself."

Dazai has loads of tricks up his sleeve, and combined with his knowledge, he knows more than one or two or three methods to help you. Whether they are effective or not depends entirely on you and your condition. Sometimes his tricks are so subtle that you didn't even realize until you think back about it.

Assuming you're thinking of seeking help from experts, Dazai will be totally with the idea. "I can feel your earnest effort for this, I'm glad for you."

He'll take you to your appointments and wait for you, and sometimes walk you back home, which is also another trick to ditch work and piss Kunikida off. Two birds with one stone, right? :)

Expect him to shower you with loving words after every session. Maybe it will even make you feel corny. But truth be told, he'll deeply ponder about your condition, you, and himself. He's well aware of his nihilism and ponders whether the words he said are genuine or just part of the new personality he adopted when he left Port Mafia that sometimes run on autopilot.

(aka he suspects he's not being totally earnest with his sweetness)

If it's the latter, the corny lovey dovey words will double as an effort to help you and himself. Don't blame Dazai too much, he has trouble differentiating between what’s good and bad (as what was said by my man Oda), but at least he's trying hard for your sake.

When you show some progress, he will be so expressive in praising you. His self doubt or whatever it is, that can wait. His darling comes first.

Dazai will give a hug or two and other romantic stuffs like that even if you're in public. He's a tease and you know you love it. If you especially get embarrassed about it, he'll try to fluster you even more. Is it to distract you or himself? Nobody knows.

Edogawa Ranpo

This Yokohama's best detective is well versed in a lot of things, psychological conditions included. If you have any condition at all, it doesn't take him long at all to understand it. Nothing escapes his pretty green eyes.

Ranpo's approach will be the opposite of Dazai. His will be more analytical rather than emotional or personal.

In the scenario where you don't feel too confident about your condition, you might be constantly worrying Ranpo will make a blunt comment about it. But trust me, you don't have to worry anything about it with this guy. He’s straightforward, but he’s not rude.

Even if Ranpo hasn't had any personal experiences of feeling/witnessing this sort of thing firsthand, you can count on him to be knowledgeable about it, although his words won't be exactly delicate. He knows that some people have problems if it's addressed boldly and he knows where the line for him lays.

Ranpo is the type of guy to think that if you never told him about it, then that's your decision and it's nothing to make a fuss about/make complaints for, but he's not going to pretend he doesn't notice. He doesn’t hold back his tongue.

He will treat this situation slightly akin to a case for him to solve. Why? Because first of all, he’s your boyfriend. Who else is better fitted to take care of you and analyze the root cause? Second, because of that personal attachment with you, he will feel the obligation to step in.

When nobody is in the agency office since they don't slack off like him, he'll stretch back against his chair, hands behind his back, and call out your name who stayed behind to assist and babysit him.

"Won't you hurt yourself if you keep doing that?" He asks, his sharp eyes closed. Blunt questions are his signature. You will instantly freeze, only realizing that you were going off with your habit.

You won't feel the need to explain it, because you know that he knows, and he knows that you know he knows (do I make sense? this sounds like that one Dazai and Fyodor meme)

"If you want, I know some ways to help and I'm acquainted with some experts." He says easily, stuffing his mouth with chips. After he swallows, only then his green eyes opens. "You're hurting yourself, you know that?"

I'm not going to sugar-coat his personality. If you want heartfelt, supportive, and warm words, talk to Kenji or Yosano because you won't hear it from Ranpo. But the brighter side is that Ranpo is a very good listener and offers practical suggestions that you know are fool-proof. With each word you vent to him, the more methods spring up in his head to help. Lucky of you to have him!

If you agree to seek professional help or his own, he's a different kind of romantic than Dazai who knows how to swoon you off your feet. Ranpo’s praise won’t be like Dazai’s (since receiving conventional praises is his thing), but he'll say something rather indirect like "Good for you. Nobody knows what's best for you other than yourself, not even me."

After your sessions are over for the day, Ranpo will gift you his favourite snacks. Chips, cookies, ice creams, jellies, sodas. Do you know how lucky you are if Ranpo gives you his favourite snacks? Mostly it's because he's not confident in sweet talks so he's hoping that you'll get the gist of what he's trying to do.

Heck, he'll even wait for you (partially because he doesn't know how to go home by himself, but that's not the point) quietly without whining that it's taking too long. To occupy himself, sometimes he'll bring some papers of the cases Fukuzawa gave him and solve interesting cases. But when you emerge from the door, everything is forgotten and his attention is fully back to you.

"Oh, you're finally finished!" He springs back up to his feet, arms expanded.

I encourage you to tell him about your sessions. He'll compliment you in his own ways believe me.

"My super deduction concludes that you did well." He says as you pop out the popsicle he gave, a cheeky grin on his face. Oh, you one lucky fella.

On the way back to the agency, presumably on a train, if you're getting better, Ranpo will definitely smile cheekily to himself, prideful of you and him.

"I'm always right, after all." He says. "What do you think, aren't I such a great boyfriend and detective? You're lucky to have this combination all for yourself!"

Damn right you are.

Nakajima Atsushi

This will be slightly lengthy.

In terms of discovering this quirk of yours, Atsushi's approach will be different than Dazai and Ranpo's. If anyone is insecure about this one aspect in your relationship, it will be Atsushi.

Let's be frank, Atsushi's abused background didn't let him know much about the world, disorders/special needs included. We're talking about the boy whose first idea of survival was to jump on strangers. He was thrown into the real world without any experience and minimum social skills, it's almost impossible he immediately clicks on the reason behind your habit.

Despite so, Atsushi will notice it, weretiger senses used or not. Growing up abused, he was forced to notice the microexpression changes on people’s face and their quirks/habits as a defense mechanism in case he earns someone's ire (remember about the infiltration mission with Akutagawa on Rats of the House of the Dead when he said he can hear when someone’s mind snaps). Even though he believes you will never pose a harm to him ever, he couldn't help but to overthink every single little thing you do. He just can’t help it.

Constantly picking your scalp/scab/skin makes him free fall to the assumption that you're anxious around him since he knows that people sometimes fidget when they feel unsafe. At first, he thought that you're nervous around him. Is it because he's a weretiger? Because you don't trust him? Because you think of him as a hindrance?

This sweet boy thinks a lot about you. You basically live in his head rent free, and ever since he noticed your habit, you will quickly climb up the ranks of things-Atsushi-overthinks.

He will address you about his insecure thoughts after they're brewed aka rotted his brain long enough

When you're picking your skin, Atsushi will call your name softly as he fidgets. "Are you, maybe, uncomfortable around me?"

The confusion you will feel. "What?"

The conversation will spin around how and why that thought even popped out, and because of mutual confusion, it will take a while until you're like "OH. That's why."

You will have to explain it but he's not that dense as to he'll keep asking "Huh?" As I mentioned, anxiety is his old friend. He understands very well the constant need of having to pick to ground yourself and alleviate the intruding thoughts.

He will apologise for assuming things himself, maybe overreact a little, blaming himself for thinking things are about him when it’s actually about you, and he will be very tender about it. After all that, he will do everything in his power to help with your condition.

Atsushi will keep your hands busy by holding it before you start picking yourself, gently, but firmly. He will use his heightened senses to pick on the signs before you pick your skin/scalp/scab and try to distract you by doing anything.

Remember that one scene of his entrance test where he panics, not knowing what to say to Tanizaki? yeah he will be like that.

"AAH! Look! A cat!"

Then Atsushi will get more creative. He will not hesitate to spend the money from his cute wallet to buy lotion/moisturiser for your skin that smells so good (thank you for your help to guide him pick it, Kyouka), hoping it will help you. Maybe he'll get you gloves to match his own (matching couple things are never outdated). You won't pick on your fingers that way.

If you ever want to talk about your condition, please, share it with him. I insist. He insists. It's a win-win solution for both of you. His faith that you truly treasure and believe in him will harden (helps with his self esteem), and you get to throw off the load burdening you down.

He also feels it's his responsibility, part of that is because of his Headmaster's words, but mostly because he treasures you that much. If he caught you picking again, he'll become super worried and so guilt ridden.

If you decide to seek professional help, he will be 100% supportive. I won't sugar-coat again—Atsushi will detect his disappointment at himself for not being enough to help you on his own, but at the same time he's also realistic. He knows that he doesn't have what it takes by himself.

His Headmaster's words will echo again, again, and again. "You failed to help your own lover? Have this orphanage taught you nothing—have I not taught you anything? Will you ever amount to any good?"

He will fight it back harder than usual because now, it's about you. He can't afford to fail you, especially you. If you do talk about your condition to him, it will calm him down by a lot.

In short, your condition impacts Atsushi more that you ever thought. Please support each other.

📜; like what you read? visit my bookshop!

[sokkastyles]

I’ve always been struck by the similar composition of these two scenes, even though they appear episodes apart.

Both couples are framed by moonlight, although neither scene is particularly romantic. Both scenes begin with Aang and Zuko alone under the moonlight, contemplating their troubles. I’ve talked a fair bit about moon symbolism and the way this show uses it. The moon can mean a lot of different things. Most often it is associated with Katara, because she is a female waterbender, but the moon is also strongly associated with femininity in the world of atla which incorporates the concept of yin and yang into its worldbuilding.

On a less literal level, the moon can be symbolic for hidden depths, desire, or negative emotions, usually the things we can't say out loud for fear that others will reject us. I’d say both of these scenes are negative. There’s a lot going on beneath the surface, certainly, and definitely a lot of desire, but neither couple are able to really communicate their feelings. Whereas in “The Southern Raiders” the moon symbolism was about purging negative emotions in a healthy way and returning to balance, the impression here is that neither couple is able to get past what is limiting them.

Both scenes start with Aang and Zuko alone with the moon, both worried about their current situation. Interestingly, although both characters are worried about their relationship, the real source of their problems is the same. Aang is anxious about his relationship with Katara but his real problem is that he will very soon have to face the Fire Lord, and in the scene in “The Awakening,” Zuko is also worried about facing the Fire Lord, although for an entirely different reason. In both scenes, their love interests arrive to comfort them. We see Aang separate from the rest of the group and Katara go off to find him. We don’t see why Zuko is alone on the deck of the ship but when Mai asks if he is cold, I think it can be assumed that he left the others below deck unexpectedly and that she went to find him. Katara tries to be supportive to Aang, and Mai, well, she tries to be supportive, but she pretty callously shuts Zuko down when he’s trying to express what’s going on with him. And even though Katara and Aang’s romantic tryst in this scene ends up being pretty disastrous, let’s take a moment to appreciate Katara here for actually listening to what her partner is saying without putting up with nonsense.

Katara: Are you all right?

Aang: [Angered.] No, I'm not! I hate this play! [Yanks his hat off and throws it on the ground.]

Katara: I know it's upsetting, but it sounds like you're overreacting.

vs the conversation between Zuko and Mai

Mai: Aren't you cold?

Zuko: I've got a lot on my mind. It's been so long, over three years since I was home. I wonder what's changed. I wonder how I've changed.

Mai: [Yawns.] I just asked if you were cold, I didn't ask for your whole life story. [Zuko frowns at her sarcastic response. Mai giggles and holds his face in her hands.] Stop worrying.

I remember taking a class in college on marriage and family. The professor used to work as a couple’s councilor, and one of the lasting things that stuck from that class was a lesson on conflict resolution. One of the things that you should never do is blame the other person for how they feel. Notice that Katara uses language that is affirming and validating (”I know it’s upsetting,”) but also tries to calm him down, also while not telling him what he should feel, but telling him how she is interpreting what she is hearing from him (”it sounds like you’re overreacting.”) This is also something I learned as a middle school teacher about conflict resolution, “so it sounds like you’re saying” / “so what I am hearing is” is language that lets a person know that they’ve been heard but also doesn’t tell them how they should feel and lets them express and feel their feelings on their own terms.

Contrast this with Mai’s reaction to Zuko, who, like Aang, readily spills immediately what he is feeling (although a lot less angrily.) And whether she meant it, Mai’s response communicates that she neither wants nor cares to hear about Zuko’s feelings. Then she directly tells him how he should feel. He should stop worrying. Which, unless you’re not sure, is so very not how you get someone to stop worrying.

Then there's the kiss, and I would argue that both of these scenes are a violation of their partners' consent.

Both Katara and Zuko express confusion about their feelings. Both are ignored, but at least Katara has enough experience with healthy relationships to recognize when her boundaries are being crossed and say no, and at least Aang is empathetic enough to realize he did something wrong.