#wizarding poops B^)

[dufferpuffer]

Out of every odd Pottermore thing I really like the poop one.

'However, when Hogwarts’ plumbing became more elaborate in the eighteenth century (this was a rare instance of wizards copying Muggles, because hitherto they simply relieved themselves wherever they stood, and vanished the evidence)'

It's so fucking odd and quirky I can't help but love it. What a weird addition nobody asked for... naturally I have headcanons.

Most adults still don't use toilets. They aren't against toilets - it is just more convenient to not have to rush to a separate room. Magic courses through their whole body, including their colon.

Wizarding houses don't typically have a 'toilet' room until they have kids - though it usually takes the form of a hole-in-a-chair sort of thing enchanted to vanish.

Designs of Wizarding 'toilets' are different to the ceramic-bowl-and-plastic-lid of most Muggle toilets, typically more like stools. Easy to shove in a small place. Enchanting a linen closet door to alternate between linen and toilet is common, or just keeping it on a shelf like a potty for the kid.

Toilet use is less embarrassing for magical children in general. They are expected to have more accidents culturally - and their parents vanish on their behalf.

This is because children are awful at controlling their magic. So magical children go through potty training like Muggle children - learning that when they need to go, they go and sit on a toilet.

There is a second 'potty training' that comes later in life when they become good enough at magic. It's not a specific skill they're taught, they just utilize the magic they have learned for it.

It USED to be a specific skill they are taught - because they had to know it before attending Hogwarts. it was many children's first complex form of magic, the struggle to not need your parents to vanish your shit for you before you turned 11.

The first attempts of practicing this skill are daunting. It makes 'shitting your pants' an even more embarrassing accident for magical children - because rather than just a bowel failure, it is also a magical skill failure, a failure of your parents...

Hogwarts put toilets in because it was a genuine quality-of-life improvement Wizarding families were starting to copy - and was familiar to Muggleborns, who had a very difficult adjustment period when attending Hogwarts. Being expected to suddenly be able to control their magic just to not shit themselves... toilets ensured less accidents from those new to magic and those less talented at magic.

Of course, traditionalist families hated this. It was encouraging muggle culture to seep into Wizarding culture when they were SUPPOSED to be separating, it was encouraging families to become lax in their child's magical education, it was lowering the bar of skill for children... for what? To appease a tiny percentage of Muggleborns? 'I made a mess of myself in first year - it is a rite of passage-!'

It became normalized, they were unobtrusive enough that nobody makes a fuss of them anymore - but traditional families still don't engage with them, of course. Parents train their children to vanish their shit - and in the mean-time, vanish it for them.

Am I saying Draco Malfoy spent his childhood literally shitting himself and having his parents clean up after him? YES. Same with the Blacks. Who do yall think vanished their shit first - Sirius or Regulus...? Who had to keep running for Daddy/Mummy/Kreacher because they had an accident? (it was Regulus)

I think James would have had a toilet growing up, his laid-back parents liking oddities like that. Lily would have INSISTED on a toilet, as Muggleborns often do.

The Weasleys have a 'proper' muggle bathroom, with a 1970s toilet that Arthur INSISTED had to flush as if they had plumbing.

Severus grew up in a two-up-two-down, so his toilet was outside and shared with all the neighbours. He doesn't hate toilets or anything, sometimes it was a good excuse to get out of the house and have quiet for a moment, but he was eager to learn how to avoid using it like a proper Wizard. His mother taught him.

Public Wizarding buildings still don't usually have toilets. Parents are expected to vanish their children's messes.

The major exception of this is pubs, taverns and inns. You do not want to rely on drunk Wizards having magical control and the barkeep doesn't want to have to vanish everyone's fluids all night, scourgify the tabletops and seats... Having to use it is a mildly-embarrassing sign of you being too drunk, something the pub might cheer and laugh about.

Hogwarts Toilets flush - when most Wizarding toilets don't bother, being vanishing drop-toilets - as a safety feature. Students try to Vanish all sorts of problems away, to the pipes are enchanted to work out what is being flushed and kick back foreign objects while accepting waste, with significant retrieval systems for... say, a transfigured student that might get flushed. That is more difficult in a smaller space like a small drop toilet.

[dufferpuffer]

-slides my poop HC's at you-

"The International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy ... was a law in the wizarding world that was first signed in 1689, then established officially in 1692."

Ok.

"The Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery was a bylaw of the British Ministry of Magic, written in 1875, which banned the use of underage magic outside of school."

Sure, makes sense. Just under 2 centuries after the Statute of Secrecy, British wizards decided that kids can't be trusted to use magic without threatening exposure. (Also makes sense it was Victorian wizards who decided this.)

"Hogwarts didn't always have bathrooms. Before adopting Muggle plumbing methods in the eighteenth century, witches and wizards simply relieved themselves wherever they stood, and vanished the evidence."

A weird thing to tweet into the canon but go off, I guess? Presumably these plumbing methods took a while to spread through the countryside, which is where most wizards lived.

Oh. Wait. OH.

New headcanon: the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery was imposed because until the late 1800s, it would have been impossible to, since children literally had to use magic every time they used the bathroom before then.

Side headcanon: the decree was lobbied for by wizarding toilet manufacturers hoping to increase their profits, in order to pressure wizards into investing in having them installed.

[badsexbingo]

What Does X Prompt Mean?

You can interpret them however you want! But, I did write them to be funny rather than clear, so check out my thoughts below, if you want more guidance.

Safewording

What is says on the tin — having to safeword in a BDSM situation. If you’re unfamiliar, it’s like an official time out to say “whoa I need to stop.” Safewords are important and it’s important to be comfortable using them, but also like. Ideally you’re not gonna use them.

Subdrop

Post scene endorphin crash on the part of a submissive partner in a BDSM situation, but frankly it happens outside of that too ��� and if you’re not in a BDSM situation your jerk boyfriend might say “hey I have to study now thanks for the BJ” and kick you out of his dorm. For random example.

Topdrop

Similar thing but for the top. Hell just check out the BDSM wiki. This pairs great with that tumblr post about subs talking their tops into doing buckwild shit.

Wardrobe malfunction

Idk maybe the sexy lingerie snapped. Maybe the subtle public play got less subtle because your skirt blew up and now everyone knows you’ve got a fox tail butt plug in. Maybe your edible underwear dissolved.

Furniture break

Breaking the bed always SOUNDS sexy but then you’ve got to fix your fucking bed. Or maybe your ikea table didn’t hold up 400lbs of man meat and now you’ve thrown out your back.

Embarrassing ER trip

This could be the classic “lost a dildo without a flared base up the ass” or you could get into more esoteric objects. Or more esoteric sex related injuries.

Capsaicin problems (hot sauce + head)

You ever cut up hot peppers, not wash your hands, and touch your eye? Same effect. Somebody is eating something spicy and goes down on delicate mucous membranes. Could be hand stuff too I suppose!

Awkward dirty talk

I think this is pretty self explanatory. Not everybody is good at dirty talk — also like, it can be one of those things where you have to be in the mood and have aligned tastes.

Someone called the cops on your scene

Did your subs elaborate kidnapping fantasy get too real for bystanders? Did a concerned neighbor overhear screaming? Idk.

Came too soon

You can recover soooo easily from coming too soon if you have like an ounce of suave in you. But plenty of people don’t! And get embarrassed and leave.

Can't get it up / can't get wet

Opposite problem. Maybe your penis-having pal has whiskey dick. Maybe your vagina-having friend has an undiagnosed case of vaginismus!

Theory was hotter than practice

Maybe you saw that move online and thought it would be soooo cool and sexy but then once you tried it out you were just hanging out in a wizard robe that now has pee on it.

Not enough fiber in your diet

We skip prepping for anal in fiction without consequences, but IRL sometimes you see poop when you don’t necessarily want to see poop. Or this could just be straight up about getting diarrhea and having to make a break for it during sex.

Condom break

We’re y’all not fluid bonded? Oops better move up the STD screens. Do yall need to do a plan B run? Do you have all the pieces of that condom or do you need to go fishing?

Just calling to say I have herpes

It’s pretty common and nothing to be ashamed of, but lbr this conversations going to suck and you might feel ashamed.

Lost the handcuff keys

Handcuffs, soooo sexy. Or manacles. Or whatever. But they have overstayed their welcome and now you’re stuck to the bed.

I can't go to work like this!

But you must! Maybe you’ve got too many hickies to hide, maybe you got an inadvisable sex themed tattoo, maybe you’re still stuck in aforementioned handcuffs.

Leaving mid sex

Sometimes the sex is bad enough that you can break through social protocols telling you to avoid hurting their feelings and remember — you can just leave!

Bodies making funny noises

Queefing! Macaroni sounds! Farting sounds! Somebody has bad gas or is really hungry. Bodies are funny.

That's not lube

Maybe you’ve got too many different things in pump bottles next to each other and accidentally grabbed say, the tea tree oil and put that all over an unsuspecting and sensitive mucous membrane.

Roleplaying into a real argument

Something that was said in a scene landed a little too close to home and now we’re fighting.

Faking orgasms

Sometimes it’s the polite thing to do to move things along, but there’s some baggage here.

I came to do sex not therapy

Maybe your partner keeps trying to psychoanalyze you, or they’re legitimately trying to talk about something that hurt their feelings. Either way, that’s not what you’re here for!

Wish you'd get off the phone

There’s so many distractions in this day and age — yeah you’re getting head, but what if that text was important?

Sex toy over promised & under-delivered

Maybe you spent 1k+ on a sybian and found out you don’t like sybians. Maybe you eagerly started jacking it, ready to try out this new toy and it started smoking. Maybe you just can’t cum with this thing.

That's how you get ants (food in the bedroom)

Food in the bedroom! I hope you thought about clean up. Or made sure you weren’t gonna get a yeast infection.

Bad aim (cum)

Oh great, now there’s cum in your [eye/freshly permed hair/grandmothers antique quilt that you don’t know how to clean]

This [PLACE] is too gross to bang in

You came to hook up, but then you saw what their place looked like…. Yikes…

Porn-based expectations

You can’t go ass to mouth without them getting upset?? Choking isn’t okay without talking about it??? They don’t like being called a slut????? He’s not 12 inches????????

Wrong name

People get really upset if you say like, their siblings name in bed. Or your ex’s. Or their ex’s.

Peeping pets

If you lock the door, the dogs gonna wind up scratching and whining and howling. If you don’t, you’re gonna get a surprise threesome by way of an unexpected wet nose at your ass.

Oops I used to bang your [RELATION]

It’s not ideal for a hookup to have slept with other people in your family, but if your date was fucking like, your mom, that’s maybe worse.

Stop talking about my parents

What, you don’t want to think about your folks while getting off?

Lazy partner

Some people actually prefer this in their partners! But some people don’t.

Mid coitus diagnosis

Finally hooked up with that hot MD and he goes “wow these shouldn’t be different sizes”

Bad aim (dick/dildo)

Actually kind of easy to go for the wrong hole if you’ve got more than one down there! Whoops. Could put someone’s eye out with that thing.

Insurmountable size difference

Maybe your eyes were bigger than your asshole when you ordered that dildo? Or maybe Stuart little shouldn’t be hooking up with Colossus.

Zero chemistry coitus

Sometimes the spark just ain’t there.

Accidental somnophilia

Somnophilia refers to a kink for having sex while one party is asleep or sleepy. Accidental could indicate one party fell asleep mid sex, but hey, some people actually initiate sex in their sleep.

Porn dialogue

Sexy plumber roleplay anyone??? Could relate to bad dirty talk.

Tastes funky

Sometimes bodies taste bad. Sometimes your lube does too.

Bad sex playlist

Straight up inspired by that one reddit post of the guy asking if the music he played was that bad.

Unearned confidence

Really awkward when they come in acting like a sex god and can’t deliver.

Only one of us is taking this scene seriously

You finally talk them into founding fathers roleplay and then they don’t even do a modicum of research :(

Let me google this real quick

Maybe the knotwork on your shibari has gotten out of hand. Maybe you need instructions for the fuck machine. Idk.

Inadvisable lay

There’s a variety of reasons you maybe shouldn’t sleep with someone and do anyways. Maybe you just have to see them on the way to work all the time now and they’re not taking a hint and you know what their weird birthmark looks like now.

Suddenly toe sucking (unexpected/undisclosed kinks)

I’m not kink shaming, I just wasn’t expecting that to go there so suddenly!! Some warning maybe! People have different ideas of what’s a totally normal way for things to go.

[RELATION] walking in on you

Hey people are living with their parents later and later!

Should have kept up on cardio

Sex is actually pretty athletic. This could turn into a medical emergency, or maybe we just need to take a break for gatorade and snacks.

[KINK] logistics are too complicated

Sometimes hanging a sex swing necessitates figuring out where a beam is in your ceiling and also maybe you’re supposed to get permission from your landlord, and —

Orgasm disparity

Somebody is getting off way more than somebody else, and not everyone is happy about it.

[heyheyitsjae]

I got the LEGO Lion Knights Castle

So recently I managed to get my hands on this new LEGO Castle set, and they did this cool thing with it where they put little messages from Majisto (the original LEGO Wizard from the 90’s) up in the corner at different parts of the build. But a few of these messages are a tad odd or interesting and I want to highlight them

A) First and definitely weirdest. So normally LEGO pieces are either 1 plate tall (a plate) or 3 plates tall (a brick.) A couple years ago they released this piece I like to call the “Minecraft candle” that’s only 1x1 studs wide, but is 2 plates tall.

The odd thing is that Majisto makes comments along the lines of “hey check out this weird piece” twice in the manual. The first time makes perfect sense because it’s the first time you use one (I think) in the entire build and it is a really weird part. The second time though is like halfway through the second manual, so like 3⁄4 's through the entire build and after you’ve put down like 100 of the damn things. It’s extra odd ‘cause sometimes these messages are like 30 steps apart, sometimes like 5, so they didn’t have to include a message there at all. If they were out of material it’d be fine to leave it blank. 

B) A while back there was this mobile app called LEGO Legacy: Heroes Unboxed. In it it was implied that Majisto used to date Willa the Witch (and also Basil the Batlord but that’s beside the point.) According to this set, however, Majisto is actually Willa’s cousin. It was the medieval era I suppose…

C) One of the characters they had in the retro lineups was The Black Knight. He started off as a member of the Black Falcons before splintering off to start his own faction known as the Black Knights. While the Black Falcons and Crusaders/Lion Knights had a bit of a back and forth rivalry, and you were supposed to root for the Crusaders, but neither was really marked as outright good or evil and they had peaceful interactions from time to time. The Black Knights however were consistently antagonized by the story, and always depicted as enemies of the Falcons, Crusaders, and Forestmen. 

We got some new lore in this manual. Apparently the Black Knight was driven to madness and greed after looking at a magical shard of amber now sealed in the Lion Knight’s dungeon. While the manual never explicitly states this I’m assuming the Falcons and Crusaders went to war over the Black Knight wanting the amber, and when the Black Knight left the Falcons and the Crusader King was replaced by the Lady of the Lion Knights peace came to the two factions. 

D) At one point Majisto describes a gear as “what sorcery is this” and I’m like “dude, you’re literally a magic wizard how is this weird for you.” I don’t think LEGO was including gear pieces in those old Castle sets so it’s probably a meta joke, but I’m like 90% sure knights IRL had gears in siege machines and portcullis mechanics and shit. Majisto makes a similar comment about a wall attached with hinge pieces (again probably a meta joke about LEGO being less boxy then it used to but in-universe it would just be a simple diagonal wall.) and another wall that grows and bends when you open the castle up (and… fair enough for that one.) 

E) The brown frog piece underneath the toilet trough is canonically not a pile of shit, it is a frog who has been shat on. 

F) Majisto has to poop standing up because his minifig has a dress piece and those can’t bend to sit down. 

G) At one point Majisto brags about being able to drop stones off the castle wall if the “dragon army” ever attack, which is weird because he’s the leader of the Dragon Knights!? TBF retroactively, in other LEGO media, Majisto has kinda become a Gandalf type, wandering from kingdom to kingdom helping where he can, so maybe he’s not considered their leader anymore and Burnabus took over/was always in charge in-universe. Also there are like three different groups of Dragon Knights, Majisto’s neutral Dragon Masters and then the evil Green Dragons and Red Dragons so maybe he’s talking about one of the latter two? Also also, if Ninjago is any indication, Dragons are a sentient race in the LEGO world so maybe some of them have militarized? 

[apprentice-wizard-mr-mary-mack]

Day Thirty of my Wizard Apprenticeship Continued

My wizard took a deep breath and using all her restraint replied,

“Part B, section fifteen, sub paragraph four, line three of the wizard code states that a day is not counted when the apprentice is unconscious, either by physical or magical means. As you can see in my clearly documented daily training logs, my probationary apprentice was in fact unconscious by means of inhalation of sleep stone which occurred in the documented lesson number nine, and did not wake until lesson ten, two days later. This probationary apprentice was unconscious for one full day, and today is his thirtieth day of apprenticeship.” The head regent grumbled and flipped through the pages, double checking my wizard’s statements. “Yes, well you better know the wizard code well. I was testing YOU, and you passed. It says here…let me see… wizard tea? I have no such record of this foodstuffs.” My wizard grumbled a little, and stated, “Yes, the northern wizards make it from the berry of the icecafe bush that grows in the frozen lands. It is a dark and bitter drink, sometimes taken hot, sometimes cold, and most often at room temperature when it has been placed out of mind when scrolling or engaging in other such clerical work. The nutritional value comes from the addition of cane of sugar and milk of oat, which is not traditional, but has gained acceptance in many lands.” The head regent wizard grumbled something that sounded like “poop soup” but I could not be sure. He looked me over one more time grumbling, “Propensity for combustion… creation of ice…willing to learn… resilient… well it seems you may have finally found an apprentice you will not kill.” He turned to me and loomed over his large desk and stroked his beard and said, “Well to become a wizard apprentice in this council you must choose, and this is the one word you will say in this meeting. Duck, or Frog?” I panicked, I looked at my wizard and she stared at me with deep interest. She hadn’t prepared me for this, and I wasn’t sure what to say. What do they mean? What is the difference? I took a deep breath and spoke with authority, “Neither.” My wizard smiled a sly smile, as the head regent wizard huffed and puffed and turned red as a beet. “NEITHER?!?!” he screamed at me. He turned on my wizard and began shouting, “THIS ONE IS JUST LIKE YOU! THE SAME ANSWER YOU GAVE WHEN I SAT IN THAT VERY SEAT AND YOU SAT IN HIS. I SAW HIS FACE, THE SAME AS EVERY APPRENTICE! TERRIFIED BECAUSE HE WAS NOT PREPARED AS IT IS DECREED IN THE CODE! WELL, YOU DESERVE HIM! HE IS YOUR APPRENTICE NOW, AND I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY!” He took a few breaths, but unsure of his previous volume spoke in a much louder voice than necessary.  “MAKE SURE TO PAY HIS WIZARD TAX AT THE HEAD WIZARD OF ACCOUNTS ON YOUR WAY OUT, AND INSURE HIM WITH THE AGENT OF INSURING, WE DO NOT WANT TO BEAR THE FINANCIAL BURDEN IF HE REPEATS YOUR PAST RAGING AND SUBSEQUENTLY DISINTEGRATED APPRENTICES! AND NO BEAR SPELLS! GOOD DAY!” My wizard and I stood and left without a word. We walked through the halls of the wizard council amid murmurs and barely audible whispers. My wizard took care of the tax and the insurances, and we left on our way back to the tower. The whole time she was smiling like she rubbed something foul in the face of someone who she felt really deserved it. 

[necarion]

A term I’ve been using to describe a certain type of climactic fight sequence, the type where it’s entirely mediated by force powers, or a wand-to-want beam, or a close grapple, or, is “pooping contest”. 

There are either one or two things that tell you how well someone is Winning.  The definite one is “who is grimacing hardest at the other” as indicator of effort. And sometimes you get the other one: how far from one side to the other is the progress bar special effect.

Some examples (spoilers follow):

See the final fight between Harry and Voldemort (same for Dumbledore and Grindlewald in the stupid Fantastic Beasts movie) (Timestamp 1:15):

Now, here’s how it happens in the book:

A red-glow burst suddenly across the enchanted sky above them as an edge of dazzling sun appeared over the sill of the nearest window. The light hit both of their faces at the same time, so that Voldemort's was suddenly a flaming blur. Harry heard the high voice shriek as he too yelled his best hope to the heavens, pointing Draco's wand: "Avada Kedavra!" "Expelliarmus!" The bang was like a cannon blast, and the golden flames that erupted between them, at the dead center of the circle they had been treading, marked the point where the spells collided. Harry saw Voldemort's green jet meet his own spell, saw the Elder Wand fly high, dark against the sunrise, spinning across the enchanted ceiling like the head of Nagini, spinning through the air toward the master it would not kill, who had come to take full possession of it at last. And Harry, with the unerring skill of the Seeker, caught the wand in his free hand as Voldemort fell backward, arms splayed, the slit pupils of the scarlet eyes rolling upward. Tom Riddle hit the floor with a mundane finality, his body feeble and shrunken, the white hands empty, the snakelike face vacant and unknowing. Voldemort was dead, killed by his own rebounding curse, and Harry stood with two wands in his hand, staring down at his enemy's shell.

The final confrontation was (a) in front of everyone [note 1], and (b) over in a single moment. This was not a contest of wills. The fight was already over, and Voldemort just didn’t know it yet.

...

For a slightly less silly version, there’s the final final confrontation between Aang and Ozai (Timestamp 11:05). The only way you know who’s winning is by the progression of the colors. And the music.

...

Or every time you have the final part of the dagger with the two fighters facing each other forcing the dagger slowly back and forth making faces.

...

Sometimes you get it in books as well, like the final fight between Egwene and Mesaana in TAR. Literally nothing happens “on screen” except that Egwene convinces herself that she is stronger, she is better, and then she wins. This would probably be captured in a movie with some sort of energy beam going between them, because otherwise nothing happens but Concentratin’ Hard.

...

I think this trend is terrible, lazy visual filmmaking. There is basically no tension left in these confrontations - you know who’s going to win. There is no sign of skill or cleverness, only one of raw, invisible strength. It robs you of the chance to see a wizard duel, or one party to truly triumph through anything other than the invisible strength. And it robs the actors of much of their chance to showcase anything other than a strained expression on their face.

This ties into the problem of a lot of Aerial Battles as the climactic final scene.  A bunch of people fly around punching each other into buildings, with no grounding (heh) and no sense of skill or strength, and then one gets knocked to the ground, and then they fight it out there (and also, usually, have a strength-based pooping contest).

There are plenty of examples of this being done well. I won’t show clips for all of them, but a completely non-exhaustive lists follows:

All the major confrontations in the Princess Bride. Westley vs Inigo ends in a battle of skill where Westley comes out on top. “End it quickly” “I would sooner destroy a stained glass window as an artist like yourself”. Westley vs Humperdinck isn’t even a fight. And Inigo vs the Six Fingered Man ends with dialogue, a quick strike, and a fantastic sendoff: “I want my father back, you son of a bitch.” Even the most obvious “test of strength” of Westley vs Fezzik isn’t really that. It’s Westley outsmarting and out DEXing Fezzik and simply holding on.

Gunfights in old Westerns. Swordfights in old Samurai films. There is a lot of tension, little movements, focus, camera work. And then it just ends with a single strike. This one comes closest, but there is no expression of Raw Strength, just focus and skill. And you can absolutely see who wins and why.

The Matrix Revolutions has a sky fight, and then a brief amount of pooping contest, but it gets subverted when Neo surrenders and lets go.

Proper Wizard Duels.

Such as Dumbledore vs Voldemort which doesn’t end in one of those fights, and is easily the best fight in the movie series.

But all of these are way harder than showing a fight with a manly intensity-based progress bar. 

[oldfashionedmoth]

Fred and George do QVC

Find me on AO3

It was a bright, sunny, Saturday afternoon, and Harry Potter was stuck inside folding laundry. He stared longingly at the window, wishing he was anywhere but here. Lately, he had been feeling listless and filled with ennui. His life at the Dursley’s was considerably less exciting than his life at school. Albeit, he didn’t have a crazed, nose-less, master wizard, trying to murder him here; but even that might have been an improvement, to the boredom he had felt all summer. He glanced across the room at his Aunt Petunia, who lounged on the sofa, half asleep. He wondered if she’d notice if he escaped outside, for a breath of fresh air. Uncle Vernon had just left, with Dudley and his friends, to see a professional football match. This was one of the numerous birthday surprises his aunt and uncle had lavished their son with. Harry would have liked to had gone too, but he was told “the laundry wasn’t going to fold itself.”

“If I were allowed to use magic outside of school, the laundry certainly *would* fold itself.” Harry thought bitterly.

The TV chattered away in the background.

“…and just so we’re clear, these are dishwasher safe?”  

“Yes, that’s right, Antonella. The Scrub Daddy is absolutely dishwasher safe.”

“And remember, you’re getting 12 of these! Order code 63528, when you call in.”

“Yes, and just quickly…because I know we are running out of time… I wanted to show you that the design for these is not just a smiley face. These are fully functional. Put your two fingers in the eye holes like so, and it stays on your fingers. That’s going to be fantastic for getting inside of mugs, cups, you name it.”

“Wow! that’s ingenious!”

The presenter turned and addressed the camera directly, holding the item for sale.

“Look! Here is what you’re getting, guys. And this packaging! Ah!  This custom packaging is exclusive to QVC, guys. And, all this could be yours, for 4 easy payments of $7.49. Amazing!”

The camera zoomed in, on the presenter’s face.

“Coming up, we have a couple of young entrepreneurs, showing us their latest confections. I’m sure we all know someone with a sweet tooth. Just wait till you see what these boys have in store for us today. But first, make sure you get your orders in for the Scrub Daddy. These things are selling like hot cakes!”

The shot cut to a pre-recorded infomercial, for Scrub Daddy sponges.  

“Hmmph!” Aunt Petunia snorted “I should order some of those for you, so you’ll stop ruining my pots!”  

Harry muttered under his breath “Well, if you fixed the dishwasher, instead of using me as your personal slave, I wouldn’t have to scrub the pots.”

“What was that?!” snapped Aunt Petunia, “You ungrateful little brat! After all your uncle and I have done for you; taking you in, like we did, after your parents…well…You should be ecstatic that I even offered to buy you anything!”

In a huff, she snatched the remote control off the coffee table and turned up the volume.

Harry put the folded laundry in the basket and stood to bring them upstairs.

“Up next, we have twins Fred and George Weasley, of Weasley Wizard Wheezes, here with us today. Welcome boys!”

Harry froze, gobsmacked. Much to his disbelief, there was his best friend’s older brothers, peddling their wares on QVC. One was wearing an evening tailcoat, which was neon orange with lime green polka dots. His trousers were also neon orange, but with a lime green tuxedo stripe running down each leg. The other twin was wearing the same tailcoat and tuxedo trousers, but in inverse colors to his brother. In contrast to the loudness of their jackets, both boys were wearing black cravats around their necks, giving them a ‘Victorian Regency on acid’ kind of look.

“Thanks for having us, Antonella. We’re happy to be here!” said one of the twins

“Remind us to buy a pack of those Scrub Daddies, before we leave.” said the other, “Our Dad would get such a kick out of them. Sponges with smiley faces. What a concept! Haha!”

His brother leaned into him, and theatrically whispered “We don’t need them ourselves. We can just use Malfoy’s head.” He held up two fingers in a sideways peace sign, and pretended to poke his brother in both eyes. “His hair is great at soaking up grease.”

The twins snickered together, as the presenter, unperturbed, carried on with the sales pitch.

“Fred and George have brought with them some of their Skiving Snackbox candies. Now, judging by the names of some of these, I think these would be perfect as a novelty get-well present, for someone in your life who’s been feeling a little under the weather. There’s something for every ailment. We’ve got ‘fever fudge’, ‘fainting fancies’, ‘nosebleed nougat’ and last but not least, ‘puking pastilles.’ Hehe! Now, what made you boys come up with this concept, for these sweets?”

“Well,” said Fred, “they’re not exactly for someone who’s already sick."

"That could result in some disastrous side effects.” quipped George

Fred turned to the camera and added “Always read the labels, kids!”

George continued, “They make you temporarily ill, if for example, you wanted the day off work. You pop in a fainting fancy. Bob’s your uncle-Fanny’s your Aunt, suddenly your GP has prescribed you a day of bed rest.”

“Oh, but totally 100% all muggle, I mean natural. 100% all natural.” Fred interjected

“Yes, definitely nothing magical about these candies at all.” George agreed, with a sheepish grin.

“Oh, I get it!” exclaimed the host, “That’s just like the Natural Herbal Detox Tea, we had on the show last month. This may be TMI, but I swear I was on the toilet for a week, after that segment! Hehehe!”  

Fred laughed and said, “Now would be a good time for me to tell one of my poop jokes.”

George replied “Nah, they always stink!”

“Hey-oh!” they cried, while high-fiving each other.

“You know what you needed?” Fred asked the host, “The Skiving Snackbox’s companion product, ‘You-No-Poo’. Guaranteed to cause crippling constipation in less than 3 minutes!”

“The constipation sensation, that’s gripping the nation!” exclaimed George

“Well, being conscious of time, lets move right along.” Antonella said, “Our viewers at home are probably wondering ‘but how do they taste?’ Let’s find out, shall we?”

She popped a candy into her mouth, and immediately started retching.

“NOOO!” the twins shouted in unison.

“You’re not supposed to eat the whole thing at once!” lamented Fred

“You’re only supposed eat half!” followed George

“The antidote is in the second half.” continued Fred

The poor unsuspecting host began urging in a rhythmic way, “Blech...Blech...Blech...Blech...”  

“Oh no!” wailed George “I think she’s stuck in vom-limbo.”

“Both sides of the sweet must be working against each other!” added Fred

“It’s simultaneously trying to make her be sick, and also keeping any sick from coming up.” George concurred.

Panic-stricken, Fred started rifling through his rugsack. He began removing items and throwing them behind him. A roll of parchment; a quill; various bottles and vials; a bowler hat; a cup of tea, complete with saucer; a set of fireworks, which exploded upon impact with the floor; a broom; a Yorkshire pudding; a literal kitchen sink...  

Between urges, Antonella asked “How...blech...did...blech...you...blech...fit...blech...all...blech...that...blech...in...blech...there?”

“Never mind that now! Here, eat this!” bellowed Fred, shoving the found antidote in the host’s mouth.

Finally, the retching stopped, but with it came a lengthy spew of vomit across the set, with such ferocity it rivaled Linda Blair in the exorcist. The show quickly switched to camera angle “B” to avoid broadcasting Antonella’s lost lunch to the viewers.

“I think it’s best we...uhh...take a little break,” the presenter said shakily, wiping tears and vomit from her face. “ugh... Up next we have Ken Oschipok with his beautifully iridescent Ammolite and White Zircon silver rings...ahh...oh...just a second, my producer is telling me something...”

She touched her finger to her ear, turned away from the camera and hissed into her mic “What do you mean you can’t find the rings? A Platypus? Are…are you sure it was a platypus? How did a platypus get in here, and why would it steal our merchandise?”

Fred and George exchanged worried glances.

The presenter looked back to camera, with a wide grin plastered on her face, “Sorry guys, we are just having a little bit of...umm...technical difficulties. We’ll be right back wi...OH!”

Suddenly a red envelope swooped down out of nowhere, flicked Antonella across the nose and stopped abruptly in front of the twins. A loud but shrill voice echoed throughout the studio.

"FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY! OF ALL THE COCKAMAMIE STUNTS YOU’VE EVER PULLED — MUGGLE TV? YOU WAIT TILL I GET HOLD OF YOU! IMAGINE MY SURPRISE WHEN I RECEIVED A CALL FROM RITA SKEETER, ASKING FOR A QUOTE FROM THE DELINQUENTS’ MOTHER — I NEVER — IN ALL MY DAYS — YOUR FATHER'S FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK ~ AGAIN! AS IF THE MINISTRY HASN’T BEEN FACING ENOUGH BACKLASH, AFTER THAT NIFFLER GETTING LOOSE, NOW THIS? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? YOU TWO COME HOME THIS INSTANT!!!"

Once the assault on everyone’s ears subsided, the presenter unsteadily staggered out of shot, with her hand on her forehead, murmuring “I think I need a nap, or a drink, or both”

The screen cut to another pre-recorded infomercial; a cheerful rock jingle began to play.

You wanna skip class, but not look like an ass? If you want an excuse; What have you got to lose? You better show some moxie, Grab a Skiving Snack Box-y From Weasley- Wizard - Wheezes!

Harry stood slack jawed, in the living room, transfixed by what had just played out on the tv in front of him. Clean laundry scattered around his feet, from where he’d dropped the basket.

“Bloody Hell! Those crazy troll bogeys!” He thought with a grin. A shocked guffaw escaped his throat.

Aunt Petunia gave him a scandalized glare and shrieked “I suppose you have something to do with this?”

Harry scooped all the laundry into his arms and dashed upstairs before she could chastise him any further. Although, he imagined any tongue-lashing Aunt Petunia could give him, would pale in comparison to the dressing down the twins were probably getting, from Molly Weasley, right now. She is one fierce boss-witch.

“Oh, to be a fly on the wall at the Burrow, right now” Harry said to himself, with a chuckle. “I can’t wait to hear the details from Ron!”

[theyearoftheking]

Book Seventy-Eight: Elevation

“...heavy shit trying to seem light...”

Remember when Kendall Jenner did that stupid, tone-deaf commercial where she handed a police officer a can of Pepsi, and successfully stopped a race riot? Like, that was all it took: a supermodel and a can of soda. God bless. 

If that commercial were a book, it would be Elevation. It’s the same level of dumbed-down problem solving... with a guy who magically floats away at the end. So, you know, it’s got the standard Steve twist on it. 

Elevation is a short little book set in Castle Rock. Scott Carey is losing weight, but his appearance isn’t changing. So, it’s kind of like Thinner, just without the glow-up. While he’s going through his Thinner phase, he’s also fighting with his neighbors, Deirdre McComb, and Missy Donaldson, who allow their dogs to shit on his yard. I understand this deep in my soul. Today I watched as someone walked his dog past our yard, and when the dog was sniffing around, I was ready to open my door and offer the dog walker a poop bag if he needed one. Spoiler: the dog didn’t poop, and I officially need to get out of my house more. This is what passes for entertainment on a Friday afternoon. 

Deirdre and Missy own a restaurant in downtown Castle Rock that the residents seem hesitant to visit. Apparently there are some deep seated homophobic vibes going on in this creepy little city. I think it’s ironic so much unbelievable shit has gone down in Castle Rock, but people draw the line at lesbians serving vegetarian food.

 Needful Things opening up and causing a riot in downtown Castle Rock? Better than lesbians! 

A guy trying to assassinate a sketchy politician? More popular than vegetarian cuisine. (That’s a Dead Zone reference, y’all).

Fucking Cujo is talked about and more accepted than Missy and Deirdre. 

Scott tries to make nice with the ladies, but they’re not really picking up what he’s putting down. Meanwhile, he’s still losing weight at an alarming rate. 

The local Thanksgiving Turkey Trot is coming up, and Scott makes a bet with Deirdre about whether or not he could beat her. She’s an accomplished runner, and skeptical at best. But, Scott is lighter than air, and ends up almost winning the race. The newspaper captures a picture of the two of them embracing at the finish line, and just like that- the town accepts Deirdre and Missy, and their restaurant is now the hottest ticket in town. 

All because of the picture, and Scott’s acceptance of them. 

I can’t. 

The theme of the book is best summarized as, “Not a wind, not even a high, exactly, but an elevation. A sense that you had gone beyond yourself and could go further still.” 

I just finished the book and shook my head. If only breaking down barriers and finding acceptance were as easy as that. I guess it’s a nice little story, it’s just wildly unbelievable and not very realistic. 

But, there were plenty of Constant Reader mentions:

Castle Rock

A band named Pennywise & the Clowns

Number 19

Bannerman Road- named after the longest running sheriff in Castle Rock

Gunslinger

This wasn’t a poorly written book, it just did nothing for me. Steve should shy away from societal messages, and stick with good old-fashioned horror stories instead. 

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 48

Total Dark Tower References: 75

Book Grade: D

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

Doctor Sleep: A+

The Talisman: A+

Wizard and Glass: A+

11/22/63: A+

Mr. Mercedes: A+

End of Watch: A+

Under the Dome: A+

Needful Things: A+

On Writing: A+

The Green Mile: A+

Hearts in Atlantis: A+

Full Dark, No Stars: A+

The Outsider: A+

The Bazaar of Bad Dreams: A+

Just After Sunset: A+

Rose Madder: A+

Misery: A+

Different Seasons: A+

It: A+

Four Past Midnight: A+

Stephen King Goes to the Movies: A+

The Shining: A-

The Stand: A-

Finders Keepers: A-

Bag of Bones: A-

Duma Key: A-

Black House: A-

The Institute: A-

The Wastelands: A-

The Drawing of the Three: A-

The Dark Tower: A-

Dolores Claiborne: A-

Blaze: B+

Hard Listening: B+

Revival: B+

Nightmares in the Sky: B+

The Dark Half: B+

Joyland: B+

Skeleton Crew: B+

The Dead Zone: B+

Nightmares & Dreamscapes: B+

Wolves of the Calla: B+

‘Salem’s Lot: B+

Song of Susannah: B+

Carrie: B+

Creepshow: B+

From a Buick 8: B

The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon: B

Sleeping Beauties: B-

The Colorado Kid: B-

Storm of the Century: B-

Everything’s Eventual: B-

Cycle of the Werewolf: B-

The Wind Through the Keyhole: B-

Danse Macabre: B-

The Running Man: C+

Cell: C+

Thinner: C+

Dark Visions: C+

The Eyes of the Dragon: C+

The Long Walk: C+

The Gunslinger: C+

Pet Sematary: C+

Firestarter: C+

Rage: C

Desperation: C-

Insomnia: C-

Cujo: C-

Nightshift: C-

Faithful: D

Gerald’s Game: D

Roadwork: D

Lisey’s Story: D

Christine: D

Dreamcatcher: D

The Regulators: D

The Tommyknockers D

Next up is If It Bleeds: the second to last book I have to read!!! The end is in sight! Well, until Billy Summers comes out in April. 

Until next time, Long Days & Pleasant Nights, Rebecca

[cadaceus]

C2E91

There was... so much to process from this episode. I feel like I can’t even do my little pre-recap ramble without spoiling something. I will say this though: [Captain Holt voice] STONE??? Besides that point however, there were a lot of emotions (especially in regards to Nott near the end there) and I was up until 3am, text-ranting my best friend about said emotions. I think this is one of, if not *the* first Critical Role episode where I genuinely shed a tear. So without further ado here are my liveblogs, notes, and eventual all-caps emotions about Campaign 2, Episode 91 of Critical Role: “Stone to Clay.”

- Nott’s problem is not on her to-do list! That makes me sad :((

- Essek’s soft “If you would have a guest for dinner, perhaps?” stop stop i already love you  😭

- Everyone being a bit awkward at small talk is a Whole Mood, including Yasha saying “I’ll....build a fire?” I love my 7 charisma daughter!!!! (also Frumpkin jumping into Essek’s lap is so cute)

- “There are two stories I can think of that managed to step into the annals of history, the time before.” I am still waiting on that Time Travel Arc!!! I am literally so ready (and they don’t know what happened to the second time traveler... maybe they are still out there somewhere??)

- “Is this friendship safe for you here?” “Nothing I do is safe.” uhhhhhh  👀 

- okay WHAT was the embarrassing thing about Essek that Laura got a whisper about, what made her laugh so hard, was he really pooping that one time? I have to know !!!

- Marisha, Sam, and Laura all giving the side-eye when Caleb says to Essek “I think you and I share... interests” dfghjkldjddk leave the wizards alone !!!

- Fjord pretending to be “Jeff” and Jester trying to sell him on the Traveler.... BYE (+ Fjord’s imitation of going ‘Ooh! I’m seeking change and direction!’ is basically  him before the Wildmother anyway)

- Fjord’s last name being Stone..... uhhh HELLO? HELLO???

- ARE WE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THIS INSANE COINCIDENCE BECAUSE FJORD’S DESTINY WAS FORGED FROM HIS PAIN OF COURSE BUT ALSO ??? LOWKEY WRITTEN IN THE STARS ??? MAYHAPS ???  

- “I’m the Transmutation wizard, but you’re the one who changes people.” Aww that was really sweet, that whole conversation between Caleb and Jester was lovely

- Sam, Travis, and Marisha have the best reactions to that Jester convo with the Traveler loooool

- Aww Yasha sleeping in Caduceus’ room because she’s afraid to sleep alone  😭 My love

- Not gonna lie, I totally thought Vence was dead/had been killed after they’d found out he was being scryed on, so the fact that he’s (a) alive and (b) been captured by the Empire is !!!!!!! A Lot !!!!!

- Also I love how the message was like “Ah yes peace talks to potentially end this devastating war will take place in four weeks” and everyone’s first reactions were “Oof that’s cutting it a bit close to travelercon :/“ because mood 😂😂

- Caleb cupping Nott’s face and reassuring her that he’s so close to solving the equation and getting her back, have I told everyone how much I love them yet lately?? Because I love them so much

- Essek: “So... how I do this... How was your day?” 😭 He’s literally like Zuko post-redemption from the Last Airbender in his awkward but powerful and slightly charming levels, I love him

- One of the lightbulbs in my overhead light has been dead for awhile now but when Matt Mercer said “all the candles immediately light” it chose that exact moment to flicker on for the first time in months???? What kind of witchcraft???

- I’m not saying I ship Beau/Jester/Yasha but...... I’m starting to ship Beau/Jester/Yasha sdfghjk I love them okay

- “The spell is complete” OH SHIT THAT WAS FAST I’M NOT READY AAAAHH

- Laura’s facial expressions during the “We work well together. We should explore other things.” “I have some ideas.” conversation were pure gold I love her sdfghjklkjhghjk

- “You go towards the kitchen and the door is locked.” / Cad: “Well, that’s half your problem right here.” lmaooooo king of comedy

- “I kind of thought I’d have to die to do it again.” When is someone going to confront Nott about her death back in Happy Fun Ball because I think she was acting recklessly under this exact assumption :(((

- Caleb (to Nott): “We wouldn’t judge you if you wanted to stay with us for awhile.” Beau: “Or if you wanted to go home.” Caleb, increasingly desperate: “Or if you wanted to stay with us for awhile.”  😭 😭 😭

- “We do what we always do. We do it together. Caleb and Nott.” Why are they literally making me cry at 1am what did I do to deserve this treatment it’s so much

- Jester: “Do you want to come find some gem dust with me Fjord?” / Nott: “I mean, he can’t dig, so yeah.” / Fjord: “What?” / Nott: “I mean, come on.” LMAO GOT EM

- Nott: “I want Beau to mold my titties and no else, because she’s got the most experience with them--” Yasha: “Well that might not be entirely true!”  😂😂 BYE

- This will be our best trick yet

- Okay here we go...... here we go....... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I’m so emotional :(((((

- uhhh chief

- UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,,,,,,,, CHIEF

- Wait so does Nott have a curse on her? She can’t turn back until the curse is broken? On the one hand I’m really sad because she’s been working towards this for so long but on the other hand I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Nott and meet Veth quite yet, I thought it all happened suspiciously quick (in the sense that at the start of the episode she still didn’t even think it was possible/they were actively planning to work towards a different goal, and then at the end it was very possible to achieve Nott’s goal)... I should have known it was too good to be true :((

[pinkykitten]

I was tagged by @writing-with-melon I hope my answers aren’t complete waste or if time and if so I’m sorry and I love you

Rules: Answer ten 10 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people

1. What song automatically plays in your head when you look out the window on a long drive? 

i dont really have an answer for this. i think i just automatically think about any song ive been listening to recently or any song that has been stuck in my head. 

2.  Do you have some snacks nearby when you write?

well i live in a two story house so the kitchen is downstairs and im usually lazy busy so since i have a mini fridge upstairs i just usually get water to drink while im writing. its kinda hard to eat and write cuz i loose focus really easily so when i am writing i am writing! i am in the zone! but if i am a little hungry ill usually snack on candy like chocolate kinder joys i love them but they r so expensive or snack on chips but i get like salt on my fingers or i like cheetos so cheetos dust and that just gets everywhere and later my hands and keyboard kinda smell like fart. 3. What do you do to combat creative burnout?

so burnout happens to me a lot so to get inspiration i either read other stories or fanfics which gets my head gears turning or i admire a piece of art or photography or a song. whats so unique and satisfying with writing you can explore and go anywhere with it, hehehe erotic if you know what i mean lol jk there are no barriers with writing just your imagination. there is inspiration any where you go and id advise to never stop writing. even if its a few short sentences or paragraphs about anything even bird poop its still progression and your mind is working and your searching for words like its all good for you bby.  4. Do you use (or like to use) prompts? 

i do ill put the link here. im thinking of changing it though to do something different. 

5. What is your favorite place to write?

lol boring, i know but my room. my room is really bright in the mornings and comfortable and chill and i have a candle of the pandora ride in disney that smells like the ride so its all good and relaxing and super peaceful plus i have a picture of myself the age of like 9 on my desk idk why but it encourages me and makes me focus to make sure i never get that cringy again. 

6. What is a hobby or yous that you usually don’t talk about?

well i like working out HAHAHAHAHA jk that was a joke...get it...cuz i much rather be eatingokillstop. but i really like to draw which i have a art page you can see it if you click here pls look at my failed attempts to be hip and cool with the cool kids and being artsy fartsy. another hobby is i really like to do makeup and nail art, nail art is really tough guys no joke if you do it like you got wizard powers are something. maybe its bc my nails are shorter than pete davidson and ariana grande’s relationship, alright im trying to stop i swear!

7. Do you play an instrument? Which one?

no i wish though. i always wanted to learn to either play the piano or electric guitar cuz H.E.R looks so cool doing it. 

8. How do you feel about your handwriting?

it sucks dont even try me. my sister can barely read it like no wonder nobody wants to steal my signature heck they can’t even read it!

9. Can you tell us of a story that marked your development as a person? As a writer?

ok sit back guys, sniff a nice amount of crack and get ready for the most cringy moment of my life but also a time when i knew i was meant to be *inhale* a fanfic writer. 

so it was elementary school, i think 3rd grade and for my writing assignment we were given a prompt of idk what the heck tbh i think it was like be outside the box and im like ok imma nail this cuz im a weird child and yeah so i got my papers and pencil and i went TO TOWN on this paper. so i wrote two stories. one short story with a picture to go with it and one long story that yeah i buried years ago. so my first story was about a farmer was about that farming life. he had chickens and dairy. so i cant remember if the cheese was spoiled but doesnt matter. anywho these cheese and a chicken were alive like they could talk in the story and i gave them faces, yikes. but the whole story was the farmer was a b*tch and he was trying to eat the chicken and cheese so they hatched a plan to get away from the farmer. they did it successfully and they ran away. yay happy ending my teacher actually liked that one me too and my school mates were thinking what they heck is this girl on i made a story about how me and justin bieber made cookies for Christmas you know. so then my other story i was more proud of this one cuz it was a tone of paper, sorry trees, and this story was about how a female hippo (girl i was all about plus size and thicker girls and no body shaming) and an male ostrich were kidnapped from their own habitats and taken to become circus animals. failed version of Madagascar hey mine was before the circus movie OK THEY STOLE IT FROM MEEEEE. so they get taken and are treated to harsh punishment and the animals can talk and i think its in the point of view of the male ostrich guy thing. they are in the circus and they start to have this relationship happening. love starts blossoming its all good. im happy with this cuz i believed in love at age of 8. they find a way thru a kick butt scene of the animals escaping and the hippo and ostrich are so in love that they run away together and they have half hippo half ostrich babies and i think i named the species  hipstrich or like ostppo idk but i was so proud of this story and when my teacher read it she was worried about me lol i think she thought i might like mate these two animals like secretly idk but she was like it was ok and i was like what this is frickin William Shakespeare writing or like F. Scott Fitzgerald writing. nevertheless it taught me a lesson that nobody else needs to like what im writing the main point and only thing that matters is if your proud of it and you like it and i really did. i will remember that story forever and thats what made me want to be a writer. lol sorry that was a lot. 

10. @emdop I’m going to use this great question: Explain one of your WIPs in the most ridiculous way possible. 

wellllll im working on my peaky blinders oc story its a lot of drugs money killing weapons jewelry rich profanities like its the show but written from my stubby hands so my oc and whatever its great and so excited to show it to you guys. 

MY QUESTIONS:

1. WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START TUMBLR?

2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING OF THIS WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

3. WHAT QUALITY IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTFIT?

5. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

7. IF YOU COULD VISIT A PLACE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

8. WHAT SHOW OR MOVIE UNIVERSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN?

9. WHAT IS THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?

10. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE IN THIS WORLD THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories, @blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms, @naughtyneganjdm, @lenahellgizibe and two random followers @spiritsent, @sucker-for-my-fandoms

i was tagged by @writing-with-melon again ty btw, ps i felt so much pressure lol jk 😊

Rules: Answer 5 questions, Ask 5 questions, Tag 5 people.

1. What is your favorite book?

fifty shades of grey hahaha naw my favorite book is obv you all know this is series of unfortunate events but i never usually cry period and i never cry for books ever so when i read mrs. tom thumb by melanie benjamin, its the part when her sister minnie dies i cried so hard idk it was just emotional the wording the way she described her pain it was so beautiful written yet so sad and that was just amazing to me cuz im like this book made me feel things and im like wow i would love to write a book one day and make someone feel something whether it be sadness anger happiness annoyance anything they are having an emotion and that is super powerful to do that with just words. pls go check out that book its a good read. also im a fan of the greatest showman so i really enjoyed it. there are many other books tho that i thoroughly enjoy so much. 

2. What piece that you’ve written are you most proud of?

oh my god ive always wanted to be asked this question hands down i am always proud of my platonic gender neutral tony stark fic called in·con·sol·a·ble window to me i wrote it so sad and i was feeling like depressed lol when i saw peter die in infinity war like i didnt know what to do with my life tbh but im so glad that @impetrichorny requested it tysm i just like how its not based on romance or fluff or happiness it is based on when you lose someone the nightmares and sadness you go through and that there is nothing nobody can do about it except just be there for that person so i really like writing angst and something that was out of the box. ive been thinking tho of doing a part two since the fate of all the characters has changed after endgame. who knows tho. 

3. What is the last song that inspired you? 

well for art it would have to good news by mac miller when i did that kobe bryant memorial on my art page. i dont want to give it away though but ill just say some very powerful womens music inspired my oc writing and making. 

4. How do you feel about letting people read what you write?

at first i was scared cuz i thought i wrote like trash which that feeling kinda doesnt go away like some days i feel that way others i feel confident or it depends on the request it just depends but anyways i was always insecure about my writing so when i started writing it was more like lets see how this goes if not ill delete the whole page. im glad to say it went great but in the begging it was hard cuz i kept putting myself down but i learned to accept or just understand that you keep learning with writing you always learn knew things with writing how you can explain something better or you words get more intricate and people see the improvement and you do too thats why i applaud those who dont speak english that english isnt their first language. you are doing a tremendous job and keep practicing cuz you’re gonna make it to the top. ive also learned that some days are not my days and you can take time off when youre not feeling it when you have writers block. just recollect your juices sip some tea go to the beach relax your mind a little and take as long as you need to come back and give it your all. also comments and reblogs and likes a follows those meant so much to me and encouraged me. thats why i cant express it enough how much all those mean to writers, artist, photographers, anybody who is truly trying their hard in this area of social media. its makes a person happy smile and confident in their writing but first train your mind into loving what you make not what others thing. you have to be happy with the outcome that is what truly matters and what makes your writing the best. look at me getting philosophical. 

5. Do you get distracted easily? If yes with what?

yes and with porn haha i get distracted easily like very easily homeschooling was really tough for me. music distracts me, netflix, the urge to watch david dobrik or unus annus or buzzfeed unsolved on youtube, heck my farts distract me. i gotta be like troy bolton i gotta get my HEAD IN THE GAME!

MY QUESTIONS:

1. IF YOU COULD BE NAMED SOMETHING ELSE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE NAMED?

2. WHAT PERSON INSPIRES YOU THE MOST?

3. IF YOU KNEW THE WORLD WAS ENDING TOMORROW WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?

4. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT IN THE SHOWER?

5. WHATS YOUR WEIRD COMBINATION FOOD?

im tagging: @thatlittlered​, @ardentmuse​, @acciosnapes​, @lotsoffandomimagines​, @collecting-stories​ AND WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS IF YOU FOLLOW ME OR LIKE MY STORIES TAG ME ILL READ YOUR ANSWERS. HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING MWUAH 

[brightstarkid]

Asks for Starkid Shows/Songs

Putting this below because OH MY GOD THIS IS MORE THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE but yeah ask away!!

A Very Potter Musical: How did you discover Starkid?

Gotta Get Back to Hogwarts (AVPM): What’s your Hogwarts house?

Different As Can Be: Sleep on your tummy or your back?

Ginny’s Song: Have you ever been to Canada?

Harry: Do you have a crush right now?

To Dance Again: Have you ever taken dance lessons?

Granger Danger: What have you been too afraid to tell someone?

Pigfarts, Pigfarts Here I Come: What’s your favorite planet?

Missing You: Have you ever lost someone close to you?

Not Alone: Have you ever been abroad?

Voldemort is Goin’ Down: What is something that is really motivating for you?

Me and My Dick: Who is your best friend?

Ready to Go: Where is one place you want to go?

I’ve Seen You Around Here Before: What’s your favorite place to go?

There Ain’t Nothing Like a Dick: What’s the sassiest comment you’ve ever made?

Listen to Your Heart: What is one thing your heart wants?

Land of the Dicks: What’s the most asshole thing anyone has ever said to you?

Even Though: Have you ever cried at school?

Gotta Find His Dick: What was the last thing you lost?

The Council of the Pussies: Are you a part of any secret organizations?

Flight of the Pussies: Have you been on a plane?

Big T’s Temptation: Is there something you’ve been really tempted to do?

Finale (MAMD): What Starkid show did you immediately want to watch again?

A Very Potter Sequel: Do you prefer sequels or prequels?

Not Over Yet: If you could go back in time, when would you go?

Harry Freakin’ Potter: Have you ever met a celebrity?

To Have a Home: Where are you from?

Hermione Can’t Draw: Can you draw?

Lupin Can’t Sing: Can you sing?

The Coolest Girl: What’s one cool fact about you?

Gettin’ Along: Describe your first date

Let the Games Begin: Do you play any sports?

Those Voices: What would you see in the Mirror of Erised?

Guys Like Potter: Do you have an enemy/someone you hate?

Stutter: Can you dance?

No Way: What is one thing you would say “no way” to?

Days of Summer: What’s your favorite summer activity?

Goin’ Back to Hogwarts (AVPS): What is your first reaction when you hear this song?

Starship: Do you believe in aliens?

I Wanna Be: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Get Back Up: What’s one song that always gets you hype?

Life: What is the meaning of life?

Hideous Creatures: What’s the cutest animal you’ve ever seen?

Kick It Up a Notch: Is there something you need to kick up a notch?

Status Quo: Do you say no to the status quo?

The Way I Do: What would your name be on Farm Planet (what you do and what you love)?

Beauty: What is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

Holy Musical B@man: Who is your favorite superhero?

Dark, Sad, Lonely, Knight: Are you allergic to anything?

Rogues Are We: Who is your favorite villain?

 Dynamic Duet: Which Starkid would you want to duet with?

Robin Sucks: What’s one thing that you think sucks?

The American Way: What is one American thing that you just don’t understand?

To Be A Man: What’s your kryptonite?

Superfriends: What’s your squad’s group chat named?

A Very Potter Senior Year: Which of the Potter trilogy is your favorite?

This Is The End: What’s been a long time coming?

Senior Year: What’s your favorite memory from/what you’re looking forward to in your senior year?

Wizard of the Year: Who is your celebrity crush?

Always Dance: Do you like to dance?

When You Have to Go All the Way Home: Do you like going home?

Get In My Mouth: Are you afraid of spiders?

Tonight This School is Mine: What were/are you known for at your school?

I Was: Do you know what you were in a past life?

Sidekick: Are you a leading man/lady or a sidekick?

Everything Ends: Who would you see with the Resurrection Stone?

Goin’ Back to Hogwarts (AVPSY): Do you know how to tie a tie?

Twisted (Musical): What’s your favorite Disney movie?

Dream a Little Harder: What’s a dream of yours?

I Steal Everything: Have you ever stolen something?

Everything and More: Are you a princess?

Sands of Time: What is something you thought you lost but later found?

Golden Rule: Do you follow the golden rule?

A Thousand and One Nights: What’s your favorite story?

If I Believed: Do you believe in magic?

Orphaned at 33: What is something tragic that happened in your past that you’ve overcome?

Happy Ending: Do you believe in happy endings?

No One Remembers Achmed: Do you remember Achmed?

Take Off Your Clothes: Favorite reference in this song?

Twisted (Song): Which villain’s story is the most forgivable?

The Power in Me: Who is your biggest mentor?

The Trail to Oregon: What’s your favorite video game?

Gone to Oregon: What’s your favorite word to rhyme Oregon with?

Independence: Where are you right now?

The Grind: Have you been on a road trip before?

Pays To Be An Animal: What’s the weirdest story a grandparent has ever told you?

When the World’s At Stake: How do you express your love?

Dysentery World: What’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?

Wagon on Fire: Have you ever accidentally caught anything on fire?

Lost Without You: What’s your favorite song to sing along to in the car?

Speedrun: How do you focus?

Caulk Your Wagon: Do you know how to float on your back?

You Gotta Go: When was the last time you pooped?

Naked In A Lake: Have you ever been skinny dipping? 

Ani: Have you ever watched Star Wars?

Long Ago and Far Away: What’s your favorite memory?

Strike Back: Have you ever fought for something you believed in?

With My Own Eyes: What is something you’ve only believed once you’ve seen it?

The Force (You Got It): Have you ever pretended to have The Force?

Haunted By The Kiss: What’s your favorite Star Wars reference in the show?

One in a Million: What makes you unique?

Back On Top: Have you ever won anything?

Firebringer: Have you ever built a fire?

Fire: Does fire scare you?

We Are People Now: What is one thing you couldn’t live without?

We Got Work To Do: What’s your favorite vine?

What If?: Have you ever done something just to shove it in someone’s face?

Welcome to the Stone Age: Favorite era in human history?

Just a Taste: What’s your favorite food?

Duck is Lord: Are you religious?

The Night Belongs to Snarl: Are you afraid of the dark?

Into the Night: What is one thing you’ve done outside of your comfort zone?

The Night Belongs to Us: Do you have a victory dance?

Climate Change: What’s one thing about climate change that makes you really sad?

Jemilla’s Lament: If you had a Lament song, what would you sing about?

Paint Me: Has anyone ever drawn you?

Ouch My Butt: What’s the biggest pain in the butt you’ve ever had?

Backfire: What’s something you’ve done that has backfired?

Together: How long can you go without taking a new breath?

Chorn: What’s your favorite obscure fact?

Finale (Make the Most of It): How do you make the most of it?

The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals: Do you like musicals?

La Dee Dah Dah Day: Have you ever been in a flash mob?

What Do You Want, Paul?: What is something you want that you’ve never told anyone about?

Cup of Roasted Coffee: What’s your coffee order?

Cup of Poisoned Coffee: Have you ever found something that’s not supposed to be there in your food/drink?

Show Me Your Hands: What are your thoughts on jazz hands?

You Tied Up My Heart: What is the most romantic thing someone has done for you?

Join Us (And Die): Can you belt?

Not Your Seed: Have you ever been stuck in a school?

Show Stoppin’ Number: Who is your favorite Workin’ Boy?

America is Great Again: Where are answers to be found?

Let Him Come: Paul or Steve?

Let It Out: Have you ever let it out?

Inevitable: What is something that is inevitable?

BONUS (as if this wasn’t long enough)

Spies Are Forever: Have you ever spied on someone?

The Coldest Goodbye: What’s the worst thing you’ve done by accident?

Spy Again: How many times can you say “spy” before it loses it’s meaning?

Somebody’s Gotta Do It: What’s your dream job?

Eyes on the Prize: What do you consider the ultimate prize?

Pay Attention: Which of Barb’s inventions do you wish you had?

Barb’s Lament: If you had another Lament song, what would you sing about?

Not So Bad: What is something that people say is not so bad but is actually really bad?

Torture Tango: What’s your damage, man??

We Love the Prince!: What’s the most insincere thing you’ve ever said?

Prisoner of my Past: What is one thing from your past that you still carry with you?

Doing This: What’s your most awkward “are we doing this?” story?

One More Shot: What’s your favorite alcohol (assuming you’re of age)?

One Step Ahead: What’s one plot twist you didn’t see coming?

Spy Dance: What’s your favorite dance move?

[homemade-aesthetic]

STARKID shows best to bestest

11. ANI: a parody- I’ve never watched this one mostly bc I’ve never seen Star Wars

10. A Very Potter Senior Year- the songs just aren’t bops in the same way the other Very Potter shows are. Wizard of the year is a good song, but is ruined with the background vocals. The vocals aren’t bad but the writing for the background vocals is. The best song is always dance, and the worst song is this is the end.

9. The Trail to Oregon- I love this musical so much, but it has its flaws. The humor is for the most part poop jokes. The lobster dude was hilarious tho. The father uses too much falsetto. I love Jeff Blim’s falsetto, but he uses it way too much. I also wish we saw more vulnerable moments from his character like we did with the mother and daughter. The songs are great. I think the songs save the show. Best song is Wagon on Fire. Worst song is Caulk the Wagon.

8. The Guy Who didn’t like Musicals- Okay unpopular opinion, am I right? The dialogue is the strongest part of this musical. Jon Matteson’s acting was good, but kind of basic. The song were okay. The best song is inevitable. The worst song is What do you want, Paul.

7. Me and my Dick- I hold this show close to my heart bc I was like 10 when I watched it. The jokes get a little too inappropriate at times. The music is good. Best song is Big T’s Temptation. (Even though being a close second) Worst song is I’ve seen you around before.

7.5. Little White Lie- Not really a STARKID show but kinda. Best song is the intro. Worst song is that one screamo song.

6. Holy Musical B@man!- I watched this show only about a month ago. I’m in love with it. Everything about this show is so amazing. Best song is The American Way. The worst song is Robin Sucks.

5. Firebringer- In order from bestest to best: Choreography, dialogue, music. I love this show so much. That’s all I can say. Best song is into the night. Worst song is Paint me.

4. A Very Potter Sequel- Okay i thought this and AVPM were the same musical and I got so confused because it didn’t make sense. I was probably in like 5th grade when I first watched it in order. Best song is Guys like Potter. Worst song is Let the Games Begin.

3. A Very Potter Musical- THE OG. The part of my childhood that shouldn’t have been a part of my childhood. Best song is Voldemort is going down. Worst song is Cho Chang.

2. Twisted: the untold story of a royal vizier- GOD JAFAR. DYLAN. KILL ME THIS SHOW IS SO GOOD. Best song is Happy Ending. Worst song is The Power in Me.

1. Starship- MY CHILDHOOD. WHEN OTHER KIDS BOPPED TO STATUS QUO FROM HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL, I BOPPED TO STATUS QUO FROM STARSHIP. Best song is Kick it up a Notch. Worst song is Get Back Up

[nightwitchwriter]

Chapter 2 Finished!

Yes! Finally finished! After many setbacks, I finally finished the second chapter of Kairi’s story. Some of it contains scene and dialogue from Brave, so just in case, those will be copyrighted to Disney. I hope it’s not too long, and I hope you all like it!

Scottish Highlands

When Kairi got out of the ship, she saw they were surrounding by tall trees.

“Where are we?” she asked as Donald and Goofy walked up next to her.

“It looks like some kind of forest.” answered Goofy

“Yeah, but where?” questioned Donald

Kairi walked around a bit before seeing a faint light. She took a small step towards, before the strange light noticed her. It quickly disappeared before reappearing a bit further away.

“Whoa” She never seen anything like that before. “Donald! Goofy! Come check this out!”

The two went over to where Kairi was and she pointed towards the floating light.

“See that light? I think it’s alive.”

“You think so?” asked Goofy. Kairi nodded.

“Let me see!” proclaimed Donald, rushing over to the tiny light.

The light quickly disappeared, surprising Donald, before appearing again a few feet away from them. Kairi and Goofy giggled when Donald attempted to try again. When it appeared again, Heartless suddenly appeared, surrounding the little light.

“Heartless!” Goofy and Donald summoned their weapons and went on to attack the dark creatures. Kairi did the same with her keyblade, but hesitated in attacking. She looked down at her hands, shaky yet unmoving. As she was distracted, some of the Heartless came closer towards her. Donald and Goofy managed to call her to attention.  

“Kairi!” yelled Donald “Look out!” warned Goofy

Kairi came out of her hesitation, and managed to fight off the Heartless. After defeating the Heartless, Kairi went over to the tiny light. This time it didn’t disappear.

“Are you alright?” she gently asked. She reached her hand to touch it, but like before, it disappeared. But this time, it reappeared, with more tiny lights appearing behind the first. She turned back to her friends.

“I think they want us to follow them.” she guessed

“Huh?” quaked Donald

“What makes you say that?” asked Goofy

“I don’t know,” she answered “,but I think it  wants to pay us back for helping it.”

“I don’t know” said Donald

“Pleeease.” begged Kairi as she gave him her best puppy dog eyes. He groaned, but gave in.

“Oh, alright.” he grumbled as Kairi silently cheered.

“Come on! Let’s hurry!” She quickly ran over to the floating lights.

Goofy chuckled. “She’s a bit like Sora, isn’t she?”

Donald grumbled under his breath. “A bit too much like him, if you asked me.”

They followed the path of lights, until they came upon an old cottage. The light path ended there.

“Why they stop?” asked Donald

“I think they want us to go in there.” suggested Goofy. He pointed to the small hut. Not sure of what to do next, the group decided to check it out. Kairi knocked before entering.

“Hello?” she called out. She opened the door, seeing a room full of bear carvings. She went inside, with Goofy and Donald following close behind. She was impresses by the craftsmanship of the carvings.

“Anybody here?” called out Donald

“Sorry dearies. We’re closed today.”

Kairi turned around to see an old woman finishing a large bear carving.

“Um, is it still okay if we just look around?” she asked

“Nope, sorry. Everything’s bought and paid for already. Just finishing the last-” The old woman froze when she saw Kairi’s red hair. “Oh, my!”

“Well, is it okay if you help us? You see, we were wondering if-”

“No, no, nonononono.” The old woman interrupted, as she snapped her fingers and her broom began pushing Kairi out.

“H-Hey!”

“Out, out, out!”

Donald and Goofy saw what the old woman was doing and quickly got in front of Kairi, preventing the broom from sweeping her out.

“Hey, what are you doing, you old coot?” yelled Donald

“Yeah, we didn’t touch nothing.” spoke Goofy

“I’m sorry, but I won’t be having any more red hair lasses coming in and bothering me during my work,” said the old woman, when a crow perched on top of her head.

“Yeah, red heads seem to be bad luck for us today.” the crow squawked

Kairi, Donald, and Goofy gasped.

“The crow...!” stuttered Donald

“It talked...!” gasped Goofy

“You’re a-” started Kairi

“I am not a witch!” the witch argued back. “Now, since you don’t have no business here,” the witch snapped her fingers, summoning floating knives towards them. “Get out.”

“W-wait! We just need some information! We’re looking for someone!”  stated Kairi as the three backed away.

“I don’t care!”

Just as the knives were close enough to poke them, Kairi thought of a random thought that pooped into her head, hoping it would help.

“We’re students of Merlin!” she yelled, hoping that would work.

Hearing that, the witch stopped the knives.

“Excuse me, did you say, Merlin?” she asked suspiciously.

“Yes,” breathe Kairi “, he’s a friend of ours. He’s also my teacher.”

“Och, I haven’t seen him since the last Wickerman Festival. If you really are his students, what are you doing here?” she asked

“Actually, we were given this mission by another wizard.” answered Goofy

“Hmmm... He wouldn’t happen to named Yen Sid now, would he?”

The trio was shocked by that.

“How do you know that?” asked Donald

The witch chuckled to herself. “Oh, it’s been a while since I last saw those two. I might go visit them later. Now, what are you three doing here?” The questioned she asked emphasized that she already knows that there are other worlds.

Kairi stood a bit straighter. “Um, well... On this world exactly, we’re not sure. But our mission is to find the remaining New Seven Heart. Us being here, we’re not sure. We followed those tiny light creatures here.”

“Ah, Will O’ Wisps. Mischievous little creatures they are. Follow me.” She motioned them outside, following her. She pointed towards another path, and the group saw the wisps again.

“There they are!” exclaimed Donald. He and Goofy ran towards them.

“Follow the wisps, and you’ll find your princess.” advised the witch

“Thank you!” Kairi gave a quick bow, before running towards her friends. Then the witch remembered something.

“Oh wait!” Oh dear, what was that advice?” She mumbled as she walked back into her cottage.

“Hm? Did you say something ma’am?” asked Goofy when he turned around. But when he did, he was shocked to find something was missing. “She’s gone!”

Kairi and Donald turned around to see that Goofy was right. The witch and her cottage was gone.

Donald was confused. “Where did she go?”

They looked around for the cottage, but it vanished from their sights. Kairi sighed, upset and now realizing that she could have gotten information about this world’s princess, but forgot. The wisps, suddenly appeared in front of her, as if reminding her about their mission. She remembered what the witch said.

“If we followed the wisps, they should lead us back here, if we need it.” The two nodded, and all three proceeded to follow the wisps into the forest.

Merlin and Yen Sid were having a cup of tea and discussing what Riku and Kairi were doing, when the room suddenly darken. Thinking that they were being attacked by some dark force, put them on guard. Then a puff of smoke appeared, revealing the old witch’s face.

“Merlin, you old coot! How dare you send one of your students to disturb my work and give me a fright!” she yelled at him

“Old coot?! You, my dear, are much older than I am, you old bat!” Merlin retorted back.

The old witch gasped. “How dare you! Why I oughta-”

Yen Sid raised his hand, stopping the arguing from progressing.

“By student, you mean a girl named Kairi?” he asked

“Aye, the red haired lass. Along with two others. Wot are they doing in a place like this?”

“I’ve sent her on a mission to keep her mind occupied, but still has importance. I apologized if they caused any harm.”

“Och, no trouble. She just reminded me of another lass I met earlier.”

“You didn’t try selling Kairi, Donald or Goofy your so-called bear obsessive carvings, did you?” mocked Merlin

Yen Sid chuckled as the two bicker between each other.

“If you don’t mind,” he interrupted “,would you pass a message to her?”

“You shouldn’t have said that.” pointed out Donald

“Said what?” asked Kairi

“About what you said about Merlin!”

“She had an accent similar to him and she was able to perform magic similar to Merlin’s. So I thought they knew each other. It turns out, she does know him, and Master Yen Sid.”

“It doesn’t matter. You’re not suppose to tell people the you’re from another world.”

“Right. We’re supposed to protect the world border,” answered Goofy

“Order!” corrected Donald. Kairi and Goofy giggled.

The trio continued to followed the wisps, along with taking out of couple of Heartless, until they got to clearing, surrounded by tall stones erected in a circle. The the wisps disappeared again.

“Aw, not again!” complained Donald

“Where’d they got this time?” questioned Goofy

Kairi saw something run behind one of the stone pillars, with Heartless following it. She quickly summoned her keyblade and took chase, with Donald and Goofy quickly following her. When caught up, they saw the Heartless preparing to attack. After defeating them, the group saw no sign of who or what the Heartless was chasing.

“I don’t see anyone,” said Kairi

“Maybe they managed to get away safely,” replied Goofy

“That’s good.” She leaned back on the rock nearby, and began to think of what to do next, when she felt that the rock was warm. “Huh?” She touched the rock again, and this time it moved, startling her enough to jump back. “Hey guys...”

The trio watched as the “rock” became taller and taller, until it turned around, revealing its true nature. It was a huge black bear.

“B-b,b...” stammered Donald

“B-b-b-b...” repeated Goofy

“Bear!” screamed Kairi

The frighten three quickly re-summoned their weapons. The bear, who also seem to be frighten, tried to run away, but tripped over its own feet. As it tried to stand up again, Kairi noticed it was having trouble. That was strange for a bear. Before she could say anything, an arrow come flying out of nowhere, hitting the ground between them and the bear.

“Hold it right there!”

Out of the forest came a young girl with curly red hair wielding a bow and arrow. She continued to point the arrow at the group as she got between them and the bear.

“Who are you and what do you want?” the girl asked suspiciously

Kairi gulped. “I’m Kairi, and this is Donald and Goofy. We don’t mean any harm.”

“Good, now awa’n bile your head, you.”

The bear got angry and growled at the girl, like it was scolding her.

“Ach, mum! How else are we going to get them to leave?”

“Mum?”

It took a few seconds to process the information.

“WHAT?”

“That bear is your mother?” asked Kairi, who at the moment, was very confused. Donald and Goofy was too.

“Yes.” The girl answered as she drew back her bow. Kairi saw that she was preparing to shoot another arrow at them.

“W-wait! Like I said before, we don’t mean any harm, I assure you. We’re just not around here. Why don’t you introduce yourself before you shot at us. It’s quite rude you know.”

Goofy and Donald looked at each other in confusion. Even Kairi didn’t know what the heck she was saying. But it seems to work, because the bear seems to agree with her. It nudged the girl.

“Mum!”

The bear growled at her, as if trying to lecturing her.

“Augh! Fine!” The girl brought down her bow and put away her arrow. “My name is Merida, and this,” she pointed to the bear, “is my mother Queen Elinor.” Queen Elinor presented herself in an upright manner.

“Queen?!” The trio proclaimed. Both Merida and Elinor nodded in conformation.

The three looked at the two in shock.

“Then that means, you’re a princess.” Goofy pointed out. Merida groaned, but nodded.

“She’s a princess,” doubted Donald. Kairi wasn’t too sure herself, but she felt something coming from Merida, but didn’t know what.

‘This must be the princess the witch told us about.’

“Wait, if she’s the queen, how’d she turn into a bear in the first place?” questioned Goofy

Everyone looked at Merida.

“Don’t look at me! A witch turned my mom into a bear. It’s not my fault.” explained Merida

“A witch?” asked Donald

“We just met a witch down that a way.” Goofy pointed down the path behind them.

“Ah! Yes! Thank you! See, I told you we were going the right way.” cheered Merida. She began rushing down the path, with her mother following her.

“Wait! I don’t think she’s there anymore!” Kairi yelled to them, but they didn’t hear her. The three ran after mother and daughter, and managed to catch up.

“Wait, is it okay if we go with you?” Kairi called out

Merida stopped and shrugged her shoulders. “Why not. You helped us find the path to the witch. As long as you don’t scare my mother again.” Elinor growled in agreement.

As they walked backed to the Witch’s cottage, Kairi attempted to befriend Merida.

“So, why did a witch curse your mom in the first place?” she asked

“Was she a bad mom or was the witch bad?” questioned Donald

“I don’t think so. Neither of them look mean. Plus, the witch knows Merlin and Master Yen Sid.” mention Goofy.

Merida pulled on her hair. “I didn’t ask the witch to change my mom into a bear. I just wanted her to change. So that I can change my fate.”

That got Kairi’s attention. “Your fate?”

“Yes. Apparently, I was suppose to get married to one of the winning clan’s first born.”

“Married?”

“You married?” Donald laughed, until Merida’s glare shut up.

“Yes, but it was my mom’s idea! Not mine! We got into a huge fight,  I ran away, and met the witch when I got lost in the forest.”

“And you got her  to change you mom into a bear?” asked Kairi.

Elinor glared at Merida.

“Well, I didn’t know she was going to give me a gammy spell that changed you into a bear! I wanted her to change your mind about the stupid marriage!”

As Merida and Elinor argued, or at least tried to, Kairi thought about what Merida said.

‘She wanted to change her fate, but in doing so, she changed her mother into a bear.’ She thought back to when the Guardians of Light were first attacked by the Heartless in the Keyblade Graveyard. ‘After we were defeated, Sora managed to change our fates too, but...’ She remembered watching him fade before her eyes, smiling at her. ‘If he hadn’t, I wouldn’t be here right now. Neither would Riku, Donald, Goofy or anyone else. I know I’m being selfish, but still...’ She looked to her side, seeing Merida stopped arguing with her mother and was now staring intensely at her.

“GAH!!” She yelped

“Let me guess,” Merdia leaned in closer to Kairi. “You’re one of those types...”

“W-what types?”

“Ones that actually, want to get married. Am I right?”

“Eh?” Kairi’s face instantly went red. Merida, Donald and Goofy struggled to hold in their laugh, but Merida failed.

“Hahaha! Look at your face! It’s redder than my hair!” she laughed

Goofy and Donald ended up laughing alongside her.

“You’re right. It’s bright red.” chuckled Goofy

“Guess we know who’s she thinking about!” teased Donald

“H-Hey!” Kairi pouted

Elinor gently nudged her, as if comforting her. Suddenly, she sniffed the air. She pushed past the others, as she sniffed the ground.

“Mom?”

“Follow her!”

They all followed Elinor until she stopped. As amazingly as it turned out, she led them straight back to the witch’s cottage. Walking up to the door, Kairi knocked, but no one answered. She opened the door, only to be greeted by an empty room.

“What?!”

“What’s wrong, Kairi?” asked Donald.

“The witch isn’t here!”

“What?!” Merida brushed past Kairi and looked inside. She opened and closed the door three times hoping it was only a trick. “No, no, no! She was here! I know she was!”

“I wonder where she went?” questioned Goofy

As they went inside, Merida set off a Rube Goldberg machine. Donald yelped when a knife nearly hit his feathers. The machine dropped a potion into the cauldron.The ghostly image of the witch appeared above the cauldron.

“Welcome to the Crafty Carvers, home of bear carvings and novelties! I am completely out of stock at the time, but if you like to inquire about a portrait or wedding cake toppers, pour vial one.”

Donald was interested in that one and reached for the vial, but Kairi slapped his hand away.

“If you like a bedouin garlic, vial two. If you’re those red hair lasses, vial three.”

Kairi and Merida realized that was them and Kairi quickly grabbed and poured vial three.

“Princess, I’m off to the Wickerman’s festival in Stoneleigh. I won’t be back till spring. There’s one bit I forgot to tell you about the spell. By the second sunrise, your spell will be permanent,” the whole group gasped. “,unless you remember these words,” the witch’s face grew serious “,Fate be changed, look inside. Mend the bond, torn by pride.”

“Fate be changed? Mend the bond? What does that mean?” questioned Merida

“I think its some kind of riddle.” suggested Goofy

“One more time. Fate be changed, look inside. Mend the bond, torn by pride. That’s it! Oh, Miss Kairi, I almost forgot. I’ve heard about your tale from Yen Sid, so let me give you some advice. Find what was lost, follow your light. Discover the truth, hidden from sight.”

“What?” whispered Kairi in shock

“Again, one more time. Find what was lost, follow your light. Discover the truth hidden from sight. Oh, and a message from Yen Sid. Once your done, head to the Land of Departure. There’s a special lesson for you to learn. Well, ta-ta! Oh, and thank you for shopping at the Crafty Carver!” With those finals words, the ghostly image disappear.

“What? No, no, wait.”

Kairi took one of the vials and quickly poured it into to the cauldron. The witch’s image appeared again, but gave a different message this time. Merida began doing the same, and both girls ended up pouring all the vials into the cauldron in a panic. The cauldron began to shudder and shake, as the witch’s messages began to speak faster. As everyone stepped back, the cauldron got brighter and brighter. Elinor shielded everyone, just before the cauldron exploded, destroying the whole cottage.

After the explosion, it began to rain. The group quickly built a makeshift shelter from the remains of the cottage.

“What do we do now?” asked Donald

Everyone was silent.

“We’ll sort it out tomorrow,” answered Merida. “For now, we get some sleep.”

As everyone slept, Kairi stared out into the rain, thinking about the message given to her.

‘Find what was lost, follow your light. Discover the truth hidden from sight. What does that even mean? I get the first part, following my light to find Sora. But what about the second? And what lesson am I suppose to learn at the Land of Departure?’

She continued to think on this, until she eventually fell asleep.

[Flashback]

Kairi laid in her bed of her newly adopted home. But she couldn’t sleep. For the past few nights, she lay awake in her bed, thinking that there were monsters hiding in the dark. She would usually be found crying. One night, Sora’s mom brought him over for a sleepover, thinking that it would help. As they went to bed, Sora heard Kairi crying. He got out of his sleeping bag, and went over to her bedside.

“Kairi, what’s wrong?”

Kairi sniffed. “I’m scared. I afraid a monster gonna come out and get me.”

“There aren’t any monsters.”

“Yes there are!”

Seeing how scared his friend, Sora got into her bed and gently took her hand.

“Don’t worry, Kairi. I’ll make sure those monsters won’t hurt you.”

She looked at him, teary eyed. “Always?”

“Always.”

“Promise?”

Sora grinned. “I promise.”

For the first time since she arrived at Destiny Islands, Kairi had a peaceful sleep.

“Kairi?”

“Kairi.”

“Kairi!”

Kairi opened her eyes to see Donald and Goofy looking at her, seeing that they succeeded at waking her up.

“Good morning Kairi,” greeted Goofy

“Morning,” she replied. She sat up and stretched her arms before noticing that Merida and Elinor weren’t there. “Where’s Merida and the queen?”

Goofy pointed towards a nearby creek. “They went off to find some breakfast down by the creek.”

“Yeah, it’s a good thing you missed breakfast,” Donald laughed, remembering how Elinor reacted to the poison berries and wormy water.

“What happened at breakfast?”

Suddenly, they heard a scream and a bear roar. They raced to the creek, and found dozens of Heartless, but Merida and Elinor were nowhere to be found. But Kairi saw that a few of the Heartless had arrows in them, meaning that Merida fought back. The three summoned their weapons and defeated the Heartless. Once they did, they went to look for them.

They found Merida and Elinor, but noticed that something was wrong. As they came closer, Elinor growled at them. She begins to charged forward to attack them, but suddenly stops when she realizes what she’s doing.

“Mom?”

“Queen Elinor?”

“Y-You changed! Like you were a... I mean, like... you were a bear, on the inside.” Merida turned to the trio. “We have to find a way to change my mom back. Please, tell me you magic is able to fix this.”

The three shook their heads.

“Sorry, I don’t think our magic is able to do something like this.” answered Kairi “Maybe Merlin’s or Master Yen Sid’s magic is able to.”

Donald shook his head. “We can’t either way.”

“Why not?”

“I think it because of cast the curse.” guessed Goofy. “We heard it from Genie. Only those who set the curse can break it, and since the witch isn’t here anymore, I guess only Merida can break the curse.”

“She did give you a clue.” Donald mentioned

“But, I don’t even know what the clue even means! What did you think, that I-”

Merida stopped talking and everyone looked in the direction where she was looking. It was a wisps.

“Hey! Go away! You caused enough trouble!” yelled Donald. He tried to shoo it away, only for it to disappear again. It appeared again, and a trail of wisps appeared behind it. The group looked at each other, then at the line of wisps. With no other option, they decided to follow the wisps. As they did, fog slowly crept around them, making the area around them spooky.

“Where do you think they’re taking us?” asked Kairi

“I don’t know. I just hope that they take us to someplace that can help my mom.” replied Merida. They continued walking when Kairi spoke up again.

“Hey Merida, how’d you know where the witch was in the first place?”

“I did what we’re doing now. Following the wisps. According to legend, they have the ability to change one’s fate.”

“Change your fate?”

Yep. Follow them, and change your fate, for better or for worse.”

Kairi watch as each step they took, a wisps disappeared. It was like following their own path of light.

“So, anything was better than getting married?”

“Yes! If you had the chance to change your fate, wouldn’t you take it?”

“Maybe...” Merida stopped talking and looked at her. “My friends and I ended up fighting an enemy in a big battle. I was... defeated, and the person I cared for so much, sacrificed himself to save me.” Kairi tighten the grip in order to stop her hands from shaking. “If I was given the chance to change that person’s fate, I would most definitely take it. Maybe when I first saw the witch, I should have asked her the same wish you did.”

“Well, unless you wanted that special person to end up turning into a bear, then maybe not.” Merida joked, which Kairi giggled to. “Don’t worry about of what you didn’t do, or what you weren’t able to do, at least you were brave enough to fight alongside him, right?”

 Kairi realized that Merida was right, but before she could say something, Goofy pointed something out.

“Hey, look!” he called out

The trail of wisps ended near ruins of an ancient castle. As they passed the gateway arch, they noticed the emblem had two axes that crossed each other.

“Why did the wisps bring us here?” questioned Kairi. They walked around and explored the ruins a bit, but saw no signs of life.

“Whoever they were, they been gone for a long tim-” Merida and Kairi screamed as they suddenly fell through the weaken floor.

“Kairi!” yelled Donald and Goofy. They and Elinor ran over to the hole and called out to them.

“Kairi!” yelled Donald

“Merida!” called Goofy

Elinor could only moaned, hoping that the girls were alright.

Bruised, but not seriously hurt, the girls slowly got up.

“We’re fine, guys! Fine!” shouts Merida

“We’re not hurt!” Kairi calls back

They look around the empty room.

“Where are we?” asked Kairi

“It’s a... throne room.” Merida replies. She turns to her mother. “Do you suppose this could have been the kingdom in that story you were telling me? The one with the princes?”

“What story?”

“My mom told me this story, before the suitors arrived. Once there was an ancient kingdom, ruled by a wise and fair king. And when he grew old, he divided the kingdom between his four sons. But the oldest son wanted to ruled by himself. He followed his own path, and the kingdom fell.”

“That’s horrible.”

“Gee, he sounds like a scary person.” mumbled Goofy, with Donald nodding in agreement.

Merida noticed a stone carving by the steps of the thrones.

“Hey, Kairi,” she called over. Kairi went over to where Merida was and looked at the stone carving.

“What is it?” she asked

“I think it’s a portrait of the princes.” Merida notices that the stone is split between the third and fourth figure. “One, two, three, four.” Her hand landed on the fourth figure, split from the other three. “The oldest.” That’s when she realized something. “Split... like the tapestry!”

“What tapestry?”

“My mom made this tapestry of the family. Before I ran off, we got into a fight, and I ended up ripping the tapestry with my sword. Splitting her from me. The spell! It happened  before!”

“It did? To who?”

Merida looked around to see the bone remains of the castle last inhabitants surrounding them and remembers what the witch said about the prince who also bought a spell to change his fate.

“The strength of ten men. Fate be changed. Changed his fate...” Then she realized what happened to the prince. “Oh, no! he prince became...”

“Uh..., Merida?” interrupted Kairi, pointing behind Merida in fear.

Merida turns around to see the said being coming up from behind her “Mor’du!”

Mor’du was also a bear, like Elinor, but practically a giant compared to her. A closer look reveals a disfigured lower jaw, a glowing yellow eye and a red dead eye.

Elinor, Donald, and Goofy yelled at the girls to run.

Mor’du stood up, roared and goes to attacks the girls. As soon as he did, Merida immediately shot an arrow at him.

“Run!” she screamed. Both she and Kairi bolted to escape the evil beast. As they ran towards the thrones, Kairi cast a Fire spell at the monster, to no effect. Mor’du crashed into the thrones, destroying two of them. Merida pulls Kairi out of the way in time, to avoid being crushed. But as they dodged, they fell down on some of the ruin stones. Merida quickly notices that she lost her arrows, while the keyblade fell out of Kairi’s hands and disappeared. Neither of the girls had time to look for their lost objects. They quickly got up as Mor’du began chasing them again. Mor’du pounced onto the girls but they managed to dodge again. Merida saw that the some of the ruins were high enough to reach the top, if they climbed quickly enough.

“Up there!” The girls scrambled up the ruins, Mor’du hot on their trails. Elinor held out her paw, to pull them to safety. But as they reached the top, neither of them could reach the other. With Mor’du coming closer, Kairi came up with an idea.

“Jump!” The girls jumped for Elinor’s paw, just as Mor’du slashed at them. They managed to cling onto Elinor, as Donald and Goofy quickly pulled them up. Mor’du growled in anger, giving chase. He broke through the ceiling, nearly grabbing Merida. Thinking quickly, Elinor got behind a pillar of stones and pushed them, causing them to collapse. Merida, Kairi, Goofy and Donald all managed to dodged the rocks as they hit Mor’du, causing him to fall back into the throne room. They all ran for their lives, back to the Ring of Stones, where they all struggled to catch their breath.

“Who...” Kairi struggled to say in between breathe, “What... was that?”

“That... was Mor’du. An evil bear that was once the eldest prince of the story I told you.” spoke Merida. Everyone was shocked of what she informed them.

“That was the prince?” asked Goofy fearfully

“Yes,” Merida turns to Elinor. “Mom, we need to get back to the castle. If we don’t hurry, you’ll become like Mor’du! A real bear! Forever!”

“What’s at the castle?” asked Donald

“The tapestry! The witch practically gave us the answer! If I fix the tapestry, my mom should be able to back to normal!”

The group headed back to the castle, which still contained Merida’s suitors and their clans, as well dozens of their own guards. Elinor led them down to a tunnel underneath the bridge. As Elinor struggled to take the bars off, Merida turned to Kairi.

“Kairi, why don’t you and the other two stay out here?” said Merida

“What? Why?” asked Merida

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, but we can’t have too many people coming in with. I already got my mom, who’s a bear, sneaking in here.” Einor broke the bars off the tunnel entrance. “Look, if you’re still worried, sneak by the Great Hall later and keep watch. We’ll be back before you know it.” Merida reassured Kairi before going into the tunnel.

As the three waited outside, Goofy turned to Kairi. “Hey, Kairi, I forgot to ask. Why did you freeze up when you were fighting the Heartless earlier?”

“What do you mean? When?”

“When we first got here, after we met the wisps.” mentioned Donald

Kairi looked at the ground and was silent for a few minutes. “I don’t know,” she finally answered. “I guess, I still remembering the battle against Xehanort. I’m fine with fighting the Heartless, but... then I keep thinking, what if he was somehow turned into a Heartless again? And I end up attacking him?”

“Gee, wouldn’t that mean either Roxas became a Nobody again, or that Sora made another one?” Goofy questioned

Kairi realized his point and giggled. “You’re right. I’m probably overthinking it.”

Goofy sat down next to her. “Don’t worry. We all know you’re worried about him.”

“Yeah! We’ll find him again!” agreed Donald

Kairi smiled, hoping that they don’t see the lie she told them.

They heard a huge commotion coming from the Great Hall.

“What’s going on in there?” Kairi tried to look, but the windows were too high. “Donald, Goofy, give me a lift.” The duo did as she say, and she sat on Donald’s shoulder, while he sat on Goofy’s.

“Hurry up! You’re heavy!” complained Donald

“Hey! Don’t call a girl heavy!”

She grabbed onto the window ledge, and pulled herself up, until she stood on Donald’s shoulders. Ignoring his complaints, Kairi leaned forward to see inside the Great Hall, where dozens of men were squaring off against each other. She sees Merida in the middle of the room, but doesn’t see the queen. The man behind her must be her father. Kairi leaned forward to hear Merida talking. She realized it was the same story she told them.

“Our kingdom is young. Our stories are not yet legends. But in them, are bonds we struck.” Kairi thought about her friends. ‘Our clans were once enemies,” Kairi thought of Axel and Saix, who once kidnapped her and held her hostage against Sora. “But when invaders threatened us from the sea,” She then thought of Xehanort and Organization XIII, who they fought against. “,you joined together to defend our lands.” Next was the Guardians of Light coming together. “You fought for each other. You risked everything for each other.” Finally, it was her and Sora sitting next to each other.

“The story of this kingdom is a powerful one. My dad rallied your forces and you made him your king. It was an alliance forged in bravery and friendship, and it lives to this day. But I’ve... been selfish.” Merida confessed that the divide between the clans was her fault and she’s sorry for all the trouble she caused. “And so, there is the matter of my betrothal. I’ve decided to do what’s right and... and...” Kairi noticed that Merida was stammering her words. “And... break... tradition. My mother... the queen, feels... in her heart... that I ... that, we be free to... write our own stories. Follow our hearts, and find love in our own time.”

Kairi lowered herself from the ledge, putting more weight on Donald. “May our hearts, be our guiding key.” she whispered a phrase she heard from Aqua.

“What’s going on in there?” whispered Donald, breaking Kairi out of her thoughts.

“Merida just stopped her suitor’s clans from fighting each other.” She answered. She climbed down the two, and Donald jumped off Goofy’s shoulders. “Come on, let’s head back to the tunnel entrance in the courtyard.”

As the trio waited by the secret entrance, which was also a well, they soon heard another commotion, this time louder and angrier. They hid behind the well, looked and saw Elinor run past them. Soon after, it was the four clans chasing after her. They were horrified.

“What happened?”

Despite all the noise, Goofy managed to hear something. He lifted his head, only for Donald to pull his head back down.

“Keep your head down!”

“But I thought I heard someone calling us.”

They all listen closely, now that it was a bit more quiet with the clans, gone, they heard someone call Kairi, Donald, and Goofy.

“Ah! Merida!” Kairi raced out of her hiding spot, luckily without anyone seeing her, and ran to where the yelling was coming from. Donald and Goofy followed close behind her.

“Kairi! Donald! Goofy!” The yelling was coming from the higher window on the upper floor.

“Merida!” yelled Kairi

“Kairi!” Kairi looked up to see Merida’s arm out of the window. “Listen! You have to protect my mom! She went wild again, and my father caught us! If you don’t stop him, he’ll kill her!”

“But what about you?!”

“I’ll catch up, just go!”

Not seeing any other option, Kairi, Donald, and Goofy ran after the men. They ran as fast they could, struggling to keep up with the men on horses. Out of nowhere, Heartless suddenly appeared, surrounding them.

“Not now!” They summoned their weapons, and attacked the Heartless, but by the time they finished, the hunting party was nowhere to be found.

“Now what?”

“Look!” Goofy pointed to a wisp, floating nearby. A line of them appeared behind the first one.

Kairi realized they were leading them towards the hunting party. “Follow them!”

They followed the wisps, again and again, while they kept being attacked by more Heartless. Soon they found the group, along with Elinor who was captured and tied to the ground. Fergus, her husband and Merida’s father, who does not know the Elinor is the bear, raised his sword to kill her.

“Queen Elinor!”

The three raced over towards them. Kairi, faster then the two, summoned her keyblade. When Fergus raised his sword to kill her, Kairi came out of nowhere and blocks him. Goofy and Donald came up next to her, with their weapons out.

“What the? Who are you? Are you out of your mind lass?” questioned Fergus

Kairi, with all her strength, pushed him back. She turned to Elinor. “Queen Elinor, are you alright?”

While she was distracted, Fergus pushed the three out of the way, and goes to kill Elinor again. But this time, Merida came out of nowhere, snatching a sword from one of the men and stopping her father.

Fergus was shocked to see his daughter stopping him. “Merida!”

She pushed him back, catching him off guard, and cut a part of his peg leg, causing him to fall. “I will not let you kill my mother!” She glared at him.

“Merida!” Kairi, Goofy, and Donald cheered

“Are you guys alright?”

Suddenly, three baby black bears came out from behind Merida, and began jumping on Fergus.

“Boys!”

The baby bears heard her and got off Fergus. “Boys?!”

“Boys?” questioned the group

“My brothers. They nibbled on the same cake that turned my mom into a bear.” The bears crowded around Merida and looked at them. Kairi gave a tiny squealed.

“They’re so cute!”

Suddenly, a loud stomp was heard. Everyone looked up. It was Mor’du, coming out of the forest.

“Mor’du!”

“Kiill it!” yells Fergus. The other men started to attack him, but with just a few swipes, Mor’du knocked them all away. Fergus got up and managed to get a hit in with his bare hands, but he too was quickly defeated. Kairi and them even tried, but was quickly thrown aside due to his immense strength. Merida shot a few arrows into him, which got his attention. When she goes to shoot again, Mor’du slaps the bow and arrow out of her hands, causing her stumble and fall back. As Mor’du captured Merida, she screamed in fear.

“Merida!” screamed Kairi

Einor roared in anger as she freed herself from her bonds. She attacks Mor’du and fights him, as she defends her daughter. Everyone watched in fear of the two bears fighting each other. Even so, it looked liked Mor’du was winning. He threw Elinor against one of the stone pillars and it cracks on impact. Elinor noticed this, before turning her attention back onto Mor’du, who was again heading towards Merida. As he advances towards her, Merida grabbed a nearby spear, while Kairi quickly ran over to her to help. As Mor’du got close, Elinor grabbed him and pulled him back, towards the cracked pillar. He attempted at attack her, but she dodged his headbutt, causing the pillar to crack again. She got in front of him, and began shoving him against the pillar, repeatedly. The crack on the pillar got bigger and bigger. When Elinor saw the crack, it distracted her long enough for Mor’du to push her away. She fell on her side next to the two girls. They looked to see Mor’du beginning to attack them again. Just as he did, the cracked stone pillar fell on top of him, crushing the bear’s body. A bright blue light came from the bear, revealing a ghostly figure. It was the oldest prince. He looked at the girls before nodding in thanks. The prince’s ghost turned into a wisp before disappearing.

Goofy noticed the sky was starting to get brighter. “Kairi!”

Kairi looked at him and he pointed towards the sky. It was dawn. Kairi remembered the spell. “Merida! The tapestry!”

Merida noticed the sun is rising and ran to get the mended tapestry. She grabbed it and threw it over her mother. She stepped back, expecting to see a sudden change, but nothing happened. Soon, Elinor ends up turning into a bear, much to everyone’s disappointment.

“Oh, no! I don’t understand. I...” Merida ends up breaking down in front of her mother. “Oh, mom. I’m sorry. This... this is all my fault. I did this to you, to us.” she cried. Elinor sniffs Merida as she cries. Merida got closer and gave her mother a hug. “You were always been there for me. You never given up on me. I just need you back.” Elinor blankly stared as her daughter spoke to her. “I want you back mommy.” Kairi struggled to keep herself from crying. It was like watching the same tragedy happen all over again. As the sun washes over them, Merida whispered, “I love you.” to Elinor. Kairi felt a warm feeling coming from Merida. She looked over towards them and  her eyes widen in shock.

“Donald! Goofy! Look!”

It was Queen Elinor. The true Queen Elinor in her human form. She gently rubs her daughter’s hair as she cries. Merida noticed this and raised her head to see her mother smiling at her.

“Mom! You’re back!” Elinor laughs as she hugs and kisses her daughter repeatedly. “You’ve changed!”

“Oh, darling. We both have.” she replied as she kissed her on the forehead.

“Elinor!” Fergus runs to his wife, happy to see that she is alright. He trips, but still gives Merida and Elinor both a hug. The three bears, now three naked boys ran to their mother and father, giggling. Kairi smiled at the happy family as they celebrated.

As everyone prepared to head back to the castle, Merida ran over and gave Kairi a big hug. “Thank you so much!” She did the same to Donald and Goofy.

“Huh? But, we barely did anything.” said Kairi

Merida chuckled. “You protected me and my mom from the Heartless, prevented us from being killed twice, and stopped my father from making a huge mistake. How could you not say you helped us.”

Elinor came up to them and gave them each a kiss on the forehead. “Thank you for reuniting me with my daughter. I hope you’ll be able to find your friend. Maybe you’ll be able to find that friend sooner than you think.”

Kairi’s eyes lowered to the ground. “I don’t know. The bond me and that person has is different than from the bond between you and Merida.”

“Who says?” Kairi looked at Queen Elinor, who frowned. “The bond my daughter and I share, is the same one you and your friend share. Just because we’re different people, doesn’t mean the bonds we share are different. Follow your heart, and you’ll know I’m right.” Elinor chuckled. “Besides, I bet he’s expecting a big kiss from you, am I right?”

Kairi’s face instantly turned red.

“K-kiss?”

They all laughed as Kairi attempted to hide her blushing cheeks.

As they walked back to the Gummiship, Goofy realized something. “Hey! We were so busy helping Merida and Queen Elinor, we forgot to ask her if she was a Princess of Heart!”

“But, she was a princess,” replied Donald

“Ariel was princess, but she wasn’t a Princess of Heart.” Goofy pointed out

“Your right.” sighed Donald. “What do you think Kairi? Kairi?” The two turned around to see that Kairi wasn’t following them. She was gone.

“Kairi?”

“Kairi!”

Unknown to them, as they were talking, Kairi spotted a wisp nearby. When they weren’t looking, Kairi ran over to it. “Hey, little guy,” she said as she knelt beside beside him. “Thank you for the help earlier. We really appreciate it.” She went to give it a little tap on it’s unseen nose, but it  disappeared.  It quickly reappeared and again a line followed after the first. “You want me to followed you again?” She proceeded to do so. Each step she took, a wisp disappeared, until they led her to a small open area. When she looked up, her eyes widen in shock. A light, bluish figure stood before her. “S-Sora?” The figure heard her and turned around, proving Kairi right. He was also surprised to see her, but still gave her a smile. Kairi shakily took a step towards him, then another. When she finally got close, she reached out her hand to touch him.

“Kairi!”

Kairi turned around, hearing Donald and Goofy calling her. When she turned back to Sora, he was gone. She covered her mouth, and looked at the wisp nearby. She wiped her eyes and gave it a small smile.

“Thank you.”

Unknown and unseen by anyone, a lone hooded figure stood in the center of the stone pillars. That person held out their hand and a collection of the world’s remaining darkness formed into their hand.

“Pure darkness of Pride, collected.”

The darkness disappeared as they lowered their hand.

“May you heart, be you guiding key.”  

[hellonoblesky]

Me when I’m in my biomed class (that I’m failing because I missed a single 6-point assignment and it brought my grade from an A+ to a B- in a single blow due to the lack of assignments in the gradebook) after passing a test I didn’t study for with a solid 90% and the only thing in my head is first day as a second century warlord i have my men tie branches to their horses’ tails to stir up dust and make it look like there’s a lot of us but i forget it just rained so there isn’t any dust and the enemy can clearly see there’s like twenty of us all spread out in a line

second day as a second century warlord i bribe a bunch of kids to start singing a nursery rhyme i carefully crafted to spread misinformation and further my strategic ends but they change the lyrics to be about poop and the enemy isn’t misdirected at all

third day as a second century warlord i lure my enemy into a narrow valley and send a team of archers to shoot them from the high ground but there was a feral hog napping on the trail up to the overlook and they couldn’t decide whether to try and shoot it or just go around and by the time the hog woke up and left on its own the enemy had already passed safely below

fourth day as a second century warlord we attempt to join a battle on the side of the guy we want to ally with but he and the guy he’s fighting have really similar names and it’s finally dusty and i misread the standards and attack the wrong guy. so now we’re stuck with this total loser of a liege lord, because how the fuck do you explain that after a battle?

fifth day as a second century warlord and some sort of wizard wanders into camp, my loser liege lord wants to execute him for being a wizard but i convince him to let the wizard stay, because i want to do more weather-based strategies and i’m pretty sure having a camp wizard can help with that. after the welcome to the team banquet the wizard steals half the treasury and my liege lord’s wife and leaves

sixth day as a second century warlord my loser liege lord sends me to reinforce a city he’s taken, but in the confusion of leaving i forgot to take the token that would have gotten us into the city, so my men have to wait outside the city walls for like eight hours while i ride back to get it

seventh day as a second century warlord and my loser liege lord finally joins me in the city, it turns out he’s actually a pretty cool guy, and he isn’t even that mad at me for letting the wizard steal his wife. i decide to shoot my shot but i’m really nervous and keep on stalling because what if i mess up our relationship and by extension jeopardize the security of my men, and eventually he just says goodnight and goes back to his room, where an assassin is in the process of setting up to kill him

eighth day as a second century warlord and my loser liege lord tells me to fake defect to his rival warlord, the one i originally wanted to ally with, to find out if he was the one who sent the assassin and why. but my whole way over to the rival warlord i’m worried that this has something to do with the wizard thing or how awkward i made it last night 

ninth day as a second century warlord i try to tactfully ask my fake liege lord if he sent the assassin to kill my loser liege lord and it turns out the idea of using assassins never occurred to him, but now that i’ve suggested it he’s really into it. in order to save my loser liege lord i volunteer to be the one to kill him

tenth day as a second century warlord on my way back to my loser liege lord’s city i realize i won’t be able to collect my men from my fake liege lord until i bring back my loser liege lord’s head. this would have been a great thing to think of before i got myself in this situation. i go back to my loser liege lord and ask him to rescue my men, and he tells me that if he could sack my fake liege lord’s camp he already would have. that doesn’t change the fact that my men are still trapped. they’re prisoners, even. i go back to my room to sulk

eleventh day as a second century warlord i find a little caged pigeon in the rafters of my loser liege lord’s room and deduce it belonged to the assassin. without asking permission or telling my loser liege lord goodbye i let the pigeon loose and follow it north. don’t ask what i was doing in my loser liege lord’s room. it’s not important

twelfth day as a second century warlord i disguise myself as a wizard and enter the camp of the coalition leader the pigeon led me to. in the middle of my little sleight of hand performance i make eye contact with the coalition leader’s second-in-command. IT’S THE WIZARD THAT STOLE MY LOSER LIEGE LORD’S WIFE. after the banquet i corner the fake wizard and ask him what the fuck is going on and he just says “wouldn’t you like to know” and leaves. i don’t know what to say to that so i just let him go

thirteenth day as a second century warlord i’m honestly so sick of not knowing what’s going on, so i adjust my wizard costume to passably disguise myself as a woman and break into the women’s area of the camp, where sure enough my loser liege lord’s wife is. i ask her what she’s doing here and she tells me the fake wizard overheard her singing a poem she overheard on the street, not knowing it contains the coalition leader’s formation’s weaknesses. the fake wizard kidnapped her and assigned an assassin to kill her husband before they figured out the poem’s significance. she shares the first couplet with me but i’m discovered and thrown out before she can share any more. she doesn’t need to. through a bizarre coincidence of homophones, it’s the poop version of my misinformation nursery rhyme

fourteenth day as a second century warlord i go back to my loser liege lord and tell him everything, urging him to join with my fake liege lord to attack the coalition leader according to the weaknesses in the nursery rhyme. he tells me frankly that he doesn’t trust me anymore. i ask him to execute me if that’s really true, because i can’t bear to live if i can’t protect him and i can’t protect my men. he agrees to attack the coalition leader

fifteenth day as a second century warlord. due to the information in the nursery rhyme, and thanks to my loser liege lord reminding me of the weather conditions multiple times while planning our battle strategy, our alliance carries the day. my loser liege lord gets his wife back. my men tell me that our fake liege lord actually treated them really well and they’d like to stay with him if i don’t mind. i do mind, now that neither the men i love nor the man i love have any use for me, but i don’t tell them that 

sixteenth day as a second century warlord i’m preparing to leave to i don’t know where, maybe to try to become a wizard for real, when my loser liege lord stops me and asks me where i’m going. he says he had hoped i would continue to work as his advisor. i was unaware i was his advisor in the first place. i agree, and he tells me he’s truly honored to have me in his service at last. he has known i am a rare and talented man with a strategic intelligence far above his ever since the day he witnessed me tying branches to my horses’ tails in six inches of mud, and could not for the life of him figure out why

[allbestnet]

Dungeons & Dragons Starter Set by Wizards RPG Team

Clean Code by Robert C. Martin

How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Code: The Hidden Language of Computer Hardware and Software by Charles Petzold

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns

No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover

Introduction to Algorithms, 3rd Edition by Thomas H. Cormen

Starting Strength by Mark Rippetoe

Player’s Handbook (Dungeons & Dragons) by Wizards RPG Team

C Programming Language, 2nd Edition by Brian W. Kernighan, Dennis M. Ritchie

Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman

JavaScript: The Good Parts by Douglas Crockford

Three Felonies A Day by Harvey Silverglate

Design Patterns by Erich Gamma

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared M. Diamond

Code Complete by Steve McConnell

The Bogleheads’ Guide to Investing by Taylor Larimore

A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson

The Pragmatic Programmer by Andrew Hunt, David Thomas

Cracking the Coding Interview by Gayle Laakmann McDowell

The Better Angels of Our Nature by Steven Pinker

The Demon Haunted World by

The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss

She Comes First by Ian Kerner

Head First Design Patterns: A Brain-Friendly Guide by Eric Freeman

The Martian: A Novel by Andy Weir

The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander

A Manual for Creating Atheists by Peter Boghossian

The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt

The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch

How to Prove It by Daniel J. Velleman

The Flavor Bible by Karen Page, Andrew Dornenburg

Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

Superintelligence: Paths, Dangers, Strategies by Nick Bostrom

Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid by Douglas R. Hofstadter

C++ Primer (5th Edition) by Stanley B. Lippman

A Universe from Nothing by Lawrence M. Krauss

Batman Vol. 1: The Court of Owls (The New 52) by Scott Snyder

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, Revised Edition by Robert B. Cialdini

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay

A Random Walk down Wall Street by Burton G. Malkiel

Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain by Betty Edwards

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

The Intelligent Investor by Benjamin Graham, Jason Zweig

Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski Ph.D.

A History of God by Karen Armstrong

The Art of Game Design by Jesse Schell

Red Rising by Pierce Brown

Time Management for System Administrators by Thomas A. Limoncelli

Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore

Ender’s Game (The Ender Quintet) by Orson Scott Card

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

The War of Art by Steven Pressfield

Learn Windows PowerShell in a Month of Lunches by Don Jones, Jeffery Hicks

The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas J. Stanley, William D. Danko

Mistborn: The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson

Cracking the Coding Interview by Gayle Laakmann McDowell

Confessions of an Economic Hit Man by John Perkins

How to Lie with Statistics by Darrell Huff

Command and Control by Eric Schlosser

Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion by Sam Harris

Getting Things Done by David Allen

Working Effectively with Legacy Code by Michael Feathers

The World Of Ice And Fire by George R. R. Martin

Misquoting Jesus by Bart D. Ehrman

A Guide to the Good Life by William B. Irvine

Trump: The Art of the Deal by Donald J. Trump, Tony Schwartz

Head First Java, 2nd Edition by Kathy Sierra, Bert Bates

Effective Java (2nd Edition) by Joshua Bloch

Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

The Creature From Jekyll Island by G. Edward Griffin

The Mind Illuminated by Ph.D.) Culadasa (John Yates

Rise of the Warrior Cop by Radley Balko

Ready Player One: A Novel by Ernest Cline

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondō

Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana

Manufacturing Consent by Edward S. Herman, Noam Chomsky

The Way of Kings (The Stormlight Archive) by Brandon Sanderson

Don’t Make Me Think, Revisited by Steve Krug

1491: New Revelations of the Americas Before Columbus by Charles C. Mann

Saga, Vol. 1 by Brian K Vaughan

The Practice of System and Network Administration, Second Edition by Thomas A. Limoncelli

A People’s History of The United States 1492- Present by Howard Zinn

Dune by Frank Herbert

The Lean Startup by Eric Ries

The Problem of Political Authority by Michael Huemer

The Baby Owner’s Manual by Louis Borgenicht M.D., Joe Borgenicht

House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker

On Food and Cooking by Harold McGee

Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan, Cacilda Jetha

A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 1) by George R.R. Martin

Old Man’s War by John Scalzi

The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson

Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi

What’s the Matter with Kansas? by Thomas Frank

Escape from Camp 14 by Blaine Harden

The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne PhD

How to Read a Book by Mortimer J. Adler, Charles Van Doren

Ordinary Men by Christopher R. Browning

Elements of Style by William; White, E. B. Strunk

Why Evolution Is True by Jerry A. Coyne

Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noah Harari

On Killing by Dave Grossman

On the Historicity of Jesus by Richard Carrier

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck

What Every BODY is Saying by Joe Navarro, Marvin Karlins

HTML and CSS: Design and Build Websites by Jon Duckett

[oi-felix-cmere-bro]

I was tagged by the lovely @musiclover1263!

Rules: Answer the text in a new post and tag ten people.

A - Age: Yes

B - Birthplace: Peoria, IL

C - Current time: 9:44 pm

D - Drink you had last: a tiny bottle of White Zinfandel that I poured into a wine glass because “if I drink it out of the bottle I look like an alcoholic”

E - Easiest person to talk to: Ben

F - Favorite songs: Current: “Danny Don’t You Know” by Ninja Sex Party and all of the new Twenty One Pilots album

G - Grossest memory: Oh that time I had to poop and throw up at the same time, I ended up puking in the bathtub. To be fair this was mere hours before my gall bladder attack

H - Horror yes or no: NO NO NO

I - In love: Yep <3

J - jealous of people: Sometimes

L - Love at first sight or should I walk by again: Walk by again, I need to get to know you first

M - Middle name: Diane.

N - Number of siblings: 2 brothers

O - One wish: that someday I will be independently wealthy

P - Last person you called: my mom

Q - Questions you’re always asked: "Do you guys have (whatever bullshit thing my store does not carry)”

S - Song you last sang: “Road Trip” by Ninja Sex Party

So c’mon, Ninja Brian, pack your bags, we’re goin’ on a cross-country trip

‘Cause if this girl and I go on one more date, we’ll start a meaningful relationship

FUCK THAT, WOO!

T - Time you woke up: 6:15 AM

U - Underwear color: pink

V - Vacation destination: I want to go to Universal someday, I’m dying to go to Harry Potter’s Wizarding World or whatever that’s calledI

W - Worst habit: I put the “pro” in “procrastination”

X - X-rays: Teeth, my arm a few years ago when I developed that ganglion cyst. Oh, and my ankle a couple times

Y - Your favorite food: Pizza

Z - Zodiac sign: Cancer

I’m the worst tagger ever but if you want to do it, have at it!