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ddaehyeon · 3 years

Text

。✧ hyacinth; park serim + reader

— pairing: fashion designer!park serim + photographer!reader

— genre: angst, slight fluff, exes au, post-breakup, slightly suggestive (one scene only!)

— word count: 7.1k

— warning: arguments, heartbreak, mentions of anxiety and emptiness

— summary: years had passed since you broke up with serim; life had been continuously patching up ever since. his name had marked several clothing lines, while your studio was well-known in the small city you lived in. who would’ve known that a sight of him on a bus stop would be enough to bring back wounds you thought had long ago healed?

— navi: playlist | video teaser | cravity masterlist

— a/n: my wips suffered from a major slump and this is quite an overdue fic (i also have another overdue fic help) but i hope someone would still at least read this though >< the first ver of this didn't satisfy me and though this ver didn't satisfy me that much, i feel like after rewriting almost half of the fic, this one's better. i'll do my best to pull something better soon!

autumn must be the most magical part of the year. the leaves experiencing a color alteration, scarlets and golds carpeting the ground— a yearly harvest of the earth where everything was gradually being taken away. long gone was the heat of the summer; the chilly evening breeze sure was much friendlier than of winter. the season served as a comforting quilt. it was such a great time for warm drinks that could lift up the mood even for the wariest.

you let go of a breath as you stared at the window, the sun was setting. the color fleshed out in the sky golden, jiving well with the surrounding that was already of the same palette. with an indoor shoot for a seasonal issue of a magazine, it sure was a tiring day. the sound of camera clicks still ringing in your head, along with the hushed talks and chitchats coming from the staff members and the models.

at first, you were hesitant to accept the project. afraid that you’d bump by one of the renowned fashion designers in your region, park serim. but then, you couldn’t just chicken out when a hefty sum was to be paid. the relief you had when you saw that his name wasn’t on the list of designers was almost the same kind of relief you'd have after preventing big trouble from occurring.

“i finished placing back the props in the room.” hyeongjun’s voice was still as bright as it was this morning as if not touched by any fatigue. he was one of the photographers you hired in your studio, offering only fine shots. “i’ll be going home early, just send me a message about what time tomorrow’s shoot will be!”

“thank you, junie.” a smile was on your brim as you nodded on his words, watching him pack his camera and leave afterward.

silence melted in the room as soon as hyeongjun stepped out. alone in your photography studio, you sat on a stool used earlier by one of the models. the room was dimly lit with only one of the umbrella lights open. it was only by then that you realized your thighs were already stiff from the nonstop work earlier. you wanted to go home and just be in the comforts of your bed.

pulling out your phone, you dialed your brother’s number, frowning when it took him quite a while to pick up. was he busy or did he just forget that he was supposed to pick you up tonight?

jungmo would always fetch you by your studio after his working hours concluded. with the two of you living together in the same house, your brother just found it ideal— bringing you to your work every morning and giving you a drive home every evening. it might seem like he was babying you, but it was a gesture you grew fond of.

“y/n?” jungmo gasped on the other line. it seemed like he was outside, music playing in the background which mingled well with the peals of laughter. “shit, i forgot to tell you.”

you raised a brow, questioning his words. “what’s the matter?”

“can’t fetch you today.” you can already envision the pout he had on his lips. “i’m at a party with allen and woobin, catching up with my colleagues. i’ll make it up to you tomorrow, i promise!”

“alright. i’ll just ride the bus then.” it was your turn to purse your lips. you can’t bring yourself to complain about it though. “have fun! just stay in woobin’s apartment tonight, don’t drive!”

“i will, i will,” jungmo replied, a call of his name following. his friends might’ve been looking for him already. “text me alright? get home safely, y/nie.”

at the end of the phone call came another sigh from you. a tightlipped smile braced your lips as you stood to turn off the remaining lights. you retrieved your camera and placed it back in one of the drawers. making sure everything was back to its place, secured; you gave the place one final look. something you’d do every single day before going home. a reminder of the thing you loved the most. a reminder of what could have been.

the sidewalk wasn’t as empty as you imagined it to be, maybe you weren’t used to walking to the bus stop anymore. strangers of different day occurrences exchanged various looks that shared one same element, tiredness.

when the wind blew, fallen leaves danced along with it. the slight coldness making you tuck your hands inside the pocket of the cardigan you were wearing. you loved the cool breeze, but not when you knew you had to stay out on an open shed with it as your companion. cold weather could be your friend, a company for a better evening sleep. but rather a harsh fellow when you had to be alone, when loneliness can easily be injected to your senses.

tracing the path, a memory went to play in your head. way back in college, this was the same sidewalk you’d walk in with your ex-lover. a camera on your hand while he had a roll of satin in his arms. it was such a usual view for the two of you as you talked about how the day went, ranting about the monotonous lectures, gushing over how you missed each other’s company and how you wished that the two of you could get back to your shared apartment as soon just so you can snuggle on the couch.

you glanced at the sky, the cloud hiding the few scattered twinkling stars. a faint smile spread upon your lips, only to disappear when your gaze went back to the bus stop. the male that passed by in a form of fleeting memory earlier was standing right in front of you as if fleshed out from your mind. a lavender-colored paper bag was hanging on his arm, the logo of his product line delicately stamped on the middle. his phone was resting on his other hand, if he was scrolling through sns or texting someone, you weren’t sure.

the magical feeling he used to offer long gone, your stomach twisting into several knots. a cold sensation went down in your spine as a familiar tug came to pull your heartstring. he’s back? what is he doing here? he lives here again?

your thoughts were loud in your head, but none of it was pulled out loud. each word ending up as a lump in your throat. the air was thickening, your heart beating fast, not out of excitement, but out of the clashing thoughts that left you so nervous and confused. it had been years, how come a single sight of him made you feel like all your resolutions are gone? how did a single sight of him become enough to shatter the glass that protected you from the ache that night had caused you?

it was cold. but no, it was no longer because of the autumn breeze.

“serim?” the name was uttered in the same way you would before everything came crashing, yet it held a much weaker tone. you can’t even remember the last time your voice came to wrap around the syllables of his name.

the male turned his head to look at you, a brow raised as he stared at you. no obvious emotion, his eyes held no recognition.

and his reply? it sent a shiver down your spine, your stomach flipping in a horrendous manner.

“who are you?”

for a moment, the air caused such a nauseous feeling— thin and hard to inhale. it was only three words, yet it was powerful enough to serve as a punch in the gut.

how can he forget?

how can he forget how the two of you first met?

not that it was a very momentous event, just a regular struggle faced by two college students that needed someone else to accomplish a project for a major subject. there were no butterflies involved, nor did sparks fly the moment you met. regardless, up until now, that day burned fresh in your mind.

“i know someone from that department,” woobin said without even looking at you, his eyes focused on his book. though you weren’t sure if he was really paying attention to the words written there as he kept on diving in the conversation every now and then.

“and who might that be?” the dreadful task of having to pair up with the design department had been inhabiting your mind ever since it was given to you. pressure rising as you saw your other blockmates having no hard time getting themselves out there and communicating with the department they weren’t really accustomed to. you still have a month and a half, you were sure you can still make it. it was just a photoshoot anyway, featuring your partner’s designs.

“park serim,” woobin finally answered as if he had to think hard of the person’s name. “i think no one had asked him to become their partner, he’d be available to do it.”

desperate to get over with the task, later that day, you found yourself by the catwalk the design students would take. it was a path that connected their building to the main gate directly. your building wasn’t exactly far away from theirs, but still of a different building. with their building equipped with supplies and machineries for final products, yours were of computers, lightings, and screens.

you stared at your phone, his instagram profile opened. earlier, you already took the pleasure of checking his works out and without much filtering, him as well. he sure does love taking pictures of himself; something that could work perfectly with him being your subject. once satisfied, you left him a dm that was probably one of the most awkward sentences you had ever typed in the entirety of your life.

a notification popped out as you look at your screen, which was shortly followed by another. it was only of common courtesy to follow him before asking him for a favor right? you did that before messaging him and now he followed you back and replied to your dm. unlike you, he didn’t spend much time wandering in your profile. well, as if he had so much to look unto aside from the sceneries and some stories posted.

‘you were the person woobin was talking about? i’ll be out in two minutes. see you in the catwalk.’

it wasn’t too long of a duration, you allowed yourself to simply jump from a social media to another, mindlessly scrolling and liking some post every now and then. only lifting your head up when a wave of students began getting out of the establishment. most were holding mannequins with unfinished clothing attached to them, some were holding rolls of fabrics you weren’t sure what to call.

with squinted eyes, you tried to look for him among the crowds. woobin said that serim was a fashion design major, so he’d probably be holding the same thing as the other students that came out.

and he was.

leaning on his shoulder was a mannequin, asymmetrically dressed in silk. it wasn’t sewn yet, only supported by sewing pins. an arm wrapped around a roll of what seemed to be linen of pastel blue color. there was also a paper bag hanging on his arm which seemed to have some extra fabric and maybe some other supplies.

you walked towards him with a wave to which he gave you a confused look at first, the frown melting away when he realized that you were the one who messaged him not even an hour ago.

“you’re y/n?” he asked, merely to confirm.

you nodded your head and offered a hand in carrying the paper bag. something he didn’t refuse to. “so…” unsure of how to bring up the means of meeting with him after his class, your voice trailed.

“what do you need anyway?” he supported your words as he traced the path of the sidewalk. “take pictures of me or take pictures of the clothes i make?”

“both.” a chuckle left your lips, laced with nothing but sheer abashment, at the same time mentally cursing this project. you were okay with taking pictures, but the negotiation that comes with it wasn’t a task you were so used to doing.

serim hummed, saying an almost inaudible ‘i see’ before taking a big step and stopping in front of you to do a curt observation. his gaze trailing from toes up to your shoulder. “i’ll agree to do it, if you’ll model for me for a project.”

blinking your eyes multiple times, a baffled frown came to mask your countenance. “what?”

“i need a model that will wear the dress i’m doing by the end of the semester,” serim uttered nonchalantly, proceeding to turn his back to you and resume walking. “that would be quits.”

“i’ll do it,” you said, despite still being hesitant. having close to zero knowledge about how such a presentation would work, you were so close to disagreeing. but then again, it would only be a good way to repay him, right? and perhaps the other fashion design students would ask you of the same thing if you try to team up with them.

turning to look at you, there was a curve that formed on his brim. “that’s a deal then.”

how can he forget how the two of you confessed to each other?

two months. it took two months of random meet ups, daily conversations, and occasional hanging out to get to know each other. the awkward messages of checking up on each other’s side of the project turned to asking about each other’s day, sharing rants about academic life or life in general. the occasional hanging out turning to planned dates and spontaneous ones when the two of you both have the time to spare.

you’d usually stay in his unit as he worked on the dress for his project, a clothing that perfectly suits your figure. late night talks induced by the slightest energy given by coffee the two of you had clung into in hopes of being able to finish what was due.

it seemed like time flew by and before you knew it, you were in the backstage. serim was pacing back and forth, more nervous than you were. he wasn’t the one that was going to the stage, but sure his body was restless.

“are you alright?” you asked him once the two of you were left alone in the dressing room.

this was enough for serim’s movement to come to a halt. even when his eyes landed on you, it was obvious that his mind was floating. in fact, it even took him hot seconds before he was able to commit to a verbal response. “i am.”

“you are?” a smile broke out of your countenance which was eventually followed by a chuckle. “are you sure with that?”

your laughter was adequate to ease his nerves a little, a curve appearing on his lips. “i am.”

one of his classmates who was in charge of the flow came knocking to the door, signalling that you should be on standby.

“i’ll do my best,” you said, walking toward the door. it would be a definite lie to say that you were not at all nervous. a deep breath taken before twisting the knob, stopping when serim called you. it was covered with a bit, yet noticeable hesitation that it made you cock a brow for a moment.

“good luck.” it was all that he uttered, along with a gesticulation of him raising both fists. though serim’s mind spoke of different words, words he had little courage to let go of. at least not yet at that moment.

you gave him a smile, nodding your head afterward. “thank you.”

and off you go.

roaring crowds and camera clicks; the auditorium set up for the use of the fashion design students as they exhibit their works through their chosen models. formerly, you’d find yourself among the crowds, snapping pictures and admiring the clothes done by the other students. but this time, you found yourself clothed in a floral print silk-blend asymmetrical dress designed by serim himself.

the lights were blinding, being always part of the photographers, you were quite accustomed with how you were part of the persons behind the camera lense. serim was in the dressing room, watching the runway from the screen that displayed the live broadcast. some of your friends were among the crowds, your older brother even telling you before the show started that he’d be sure to take pictures of you.

fortunately, the few days of practice didn’t go to waste, no major mistakes happened when you modeled serim’s design. perhaps the only problem was you were a little stiff, something too trivial for some audience to notice.

as soon as you stepped by the backstage, serim’s proud smile welcomed you. unable to rest in the dressing room once he saw you getting out of the stage, he practically ran to meet you behind the curtains.

his eyes were filled with adoration, not just for the dress he finished making, but for the overall beauty you radiated. without much thought, he walked closer to you, soon wrapping you in an embrace. tight, yet gentle.

“you did well, y/n,” serim whispered, not letting go.

a soft chuckle was heard from you, your cheeks burning. “you did well,” you corrected. “please, it’s your design.”

“thank you.” releasing you, a smile lingered on his visage. “i’ll make you a better dress in the future.”

“you don’t have to, but thanks,” you replied before the two of you sunk into silence. regardless of how the surrounding was of heavy music and cheers, peace had found its way to emanate in the dimmed part of the area.

no words spoken, yet feelings poured when serim leaned closer. his lips easily capturing yours enough to make your heart pound in your chest, louder than it did while you were in the catwalk.

serim broke the kiss, his lips still close with yours. his eyes were of another glow when he uttered a set of words, familiar yet foreign. “i love you.”

once again, you were under his spell. soft kiss turning into a sloppy one once he guided you to a more secluded area. it would be such a waste to rip the dress off given that it was an original design, yet as the person who sewn each part of the clothing you were wearing, serim had his way to resolve the small dilemma.

the surrounding was silenced, your body frail under each of his touch, breath taken away, chest heaving. sure, it was a night you won’t be able to forget.

how can he forget about how the two of you practically lived with each other for years?

the exuberance exuded while the two of you carried several boxes into an empty unit you called home. maybe it wasn’t really about the place, but it was who you were with. his arms served as a shelter. his hand caught tears of both happiness and sadness. his lips pressed affection that no one else could offer. everywhere with serim was of comfort, of tranquility— a home.

living with another person, being under a single roof wasn’t exactly the easiest thing to adjust to. throughout the first few months of living together, your head was filled with memories of sheer trial and error as the two of you tried to learn the curves. this included adjusting for each other or at least compromising for what the other likes that the other doesn’t. silly mistakes became such a fond memory.

the smell of burnt food that wafted in the air when the two of you decided to stay on the balcony while cooking dinner. astonished by the stars and the almost endless stories that passed on both lips the meal you were preparing was left neglected. that night, the two of you shared bitter food of dark exterior, quite hard to swallow. but the laughter that filled the house after the incident lifted up each other’s mood. despite the bad-tasting meal, it was probably one of the best dinners you had in that apartment.

it didn’t end there. who would forget about the laundry disaster that rendered one of serim’s white long sleeves saturated with colors you weren’t sure what to call. the mixture of forget-me-not blue and azalea pink stood as the most distinguishable pigment along with the other colors. serim only let out of a chuckle at what occurred, even joking that maybe the two of you could start a business of dying white clothing in such a way.

the best memory thus far was a late-night run by the convenience store when the two of you were chasing a morning deadline. a grumbling stomach that broke the mutual silence the two of you exchanged, along with a suspecting look that ended up with laughter.

“let’s buy some food,” serim suggested, removing the tape measure from his shoulder and settling it to the mannequin.

you hit save on your laptop, the editing could wait for a few minutes.

pulling yourself off the chair, you gazed at him with a smile. it wasn’t a surprise that he had the same beam, as bright as the morning, regardless of how the evening was already crawling onto the whole city. sometimes, you wondered how a simple smile could give you so much energy. what kind of magic does a beam flashed by the person you love hold?

a few snacks picked up by the convenience store; a bag in his hand, your hand on the other as the two of you walked back to your unit. the evening sky and the soft gush of wind amplifying the peacefulness provided by the city. no words were exchanged, yet the silence was enough of a word.

deadlines momentarily escaping the mind as you allowed yourself to be engulfed by his presence. his soft voice breaking the silence, the phrase that left his lips drew a curve on your lips. “i love you, y/n.” you weren’t looking at him, but you could perceive the smile he had. “so much.”

“i know,” you replied.

serim’s steps became slower as he looked at you, waiting for the actual response. with a tilted head and shining eyes that reflected your figure and the street lights, his gaze didn’t waver.

a chuckle left your lips, finding yourself lost in his eyes for a moment. “i love you too, serim.” you squeezed his hand, cueing him to continue walking. “so much.”

sighing out of content, a radiant smile decorated his lips.

at that moment, the two of you wished nothing more but just to be next to each other for as long as life would grant you.

how can he forget about your first anniversary?

it wasn’t grand, just the two of you sitting by the balcony. the bouquet he bought abandoned on the dinner table as the two of you gushed over plans you were sure were realistic enough to be achieved. your eyes twinkling with mirth, a lifetime with him sure was the ideal one you’d want to spend.

“y/n,” despite being just beside you, serim called.

you looked at him with a brow raised, catching his eyes on yours. “mhm?”

a smile simply spread onto his lips before he broke the gaze. his hand seeking for an item inside the pocket of his hoodie, a small box retrieved afterward. there, a necklace sat. the pendant was of a ring that was not entirely decorated with fancy stones, rather a lone blue sapphire stone was on it.

“the pendant is a promise ring,” serim explained before scooting closer to you. his hand reached for the back of your head while the necklace rested on your skin. he locked the jewelry on your neck, pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead after.

you were silent the whole time, not because you didn’t like the gesture. but because you were sure words wouldn’t be enough to express the satisfaction and light feeling that was blanketing your heart.

serim had a faint smile as he admired the necklace for a moment. just like you, his heart was in an ocean of peaceful joy. lifting his head to look at you directly, he gave your lips a light peck. “i’ll buy you a better one once we’re ready for it.”

“thank you.” your countenance mirrored the same expression serim had— of joy and serenity. “i love you so much.”

“i love you too.” serim leaned in for another quick kiss, swift yet lingering. “i can’t wait to spend a lifetime with you.”

the evening droned on and on with the two of you staying by the balcony, exchanging conversations about the future. two hearts in one home, seemingly able to find the path where both can hold each other’s hand. minds filled with dreams where the other can also be spotted. a considerably spacious studio apartment became the foundation of your plans and dreams.

aspirations that soon became the neglected cause of why your relationship with him gradually crumbled down.

how can he forget about your very first fight?

gazes that held no definite emotion, silence that cut through the air— it was all an unfamiliar experience, hard to swallow. something that you weren’t able to forget easily as it was the first time you’ve ever seen serim with such a cold expression.

the coaster of shows on the television had long passed, a few recaps played. something that wasn’t really able to get a hold of your attention. your mind drifting elsewhere and the few notifications appearing on your phone were the only ones that managed to pull you out of your daze momentarily.

“where’s serim?” for the nth time that day, you asked. the room was quiet with only a few chatters from the screen in front of you. the evening was growing older and older, but you haven’t received any message about serim's whereabouts. neither had he sent you a message the whole afternoon.

worried, you opted to stay up and wait for him. even prepared a meal that can be easily heated so he can have something to eat once he arrives in case he hasn’t eaten anything yet.

with the door clicking, you were quick to get off the couch. the faint footsteps signaling you right away.

“you’re finally home,” you said, a smile easily located on your brim. only for it to melt away at the sight of serim’s stern look. his gaze piercing through, enough for chills to trace your spine.

he walked past you, not even offering you the regular hugs and kisses he would do every time he’d arrive. all that was left were cold stares. something you attempted to break. and heck did you regret doing so.

“why haven’t you been answering your phone? have you already eaten?” the worry you had accumulated coming through in waves of questions.

a sigh was emitted out of his mouth as he went to get himself a drink. it seemed like a verbal response was not an option for him since he continued to ignore your questions. at this point, it was as if there was no one else in the room. it was like you weren’t there.

“did something happen, serim?”

a minute. it was all it took for the entirety of your relationship to come to an unknown turn. the curve strange, it crawled to the skin with such a frigid touch enough for your stomach to flip horribly.

“can you give me a break?” serim hissed, a glare shoot in your direction. his voice growing power word after word. your breath was taken away, how can words suffice to make you feel so small? he placed his glass on the sink, the item almost meeting its demise. he turned to look at you once again. “can’t you see, i’m tired?”

“i waited for you.” the words spilled out of your lips, disappointment hugging your tone.

“who told you to wait for me?” serim snarled and before you knew it, you were already standing on the same page. similar expression, different cause. yours were anchored in concern, while his were of fatigue from the whole day of heavy workload. those seemed to have lulled both of your senses, blinding each other.

“oh well, i was just worried about you because you didn’t send me a message the whole afternoon up to this point.”

“do i really need to report my actions to you?”

“no, but you have to at least tell me if you’re going home late.” your voice gradually softened, a tear held back.

no, you can’t cry. no, not in front of him. no.

“i was worried,” you broke out. but it wasn’t enough for his fumes to dissolve. like gasoline poured into flames, each of your replies only intensified the exasperation boiling in his stomach.

“i’m going to rest.” serim sigh was audible as he stormed off to your room, leaving you with tears in your eyes.

a minute.

it only took half a minute for everything to fall out of its order. that fight wasn’t the last one and each passing day, the unit you once called home was stuck with unfamiliarity.

it was no longer a home.

how can he forget about that night?

cold meals by the table had your eyes fixated on them. the date encircled in red, a supposedly special day that turned bitter. different from how you used to spend it before—of laughter and warm touches— serim wasn’t there. he was far too involved with projects that your shared unit only became a short shelter. words were barely exchanged, yet alone gazes. you still sleep on the same bed as him, but no warmth was offered.

you weren’t sure which was better, to continue living with him even if it felt like you weren’t living with him or to have him gone in your life for real. regardless of the turns that occurred, the continuous erosion of your relationship, you couldn’t find it to yourself to let go. still tied by your attachment to the former serim.

a sigh left your lips, desolated gaze trailing on the table. you tried. but it seemed like those attempts were futile. it takes two people’s efforts. you can’t revive a relationship alone.

switching place, you went to the living room and sat by the couch. the place dimly lit by a lone lampshade. the city lights filtering through the window. the air gradually thickened around you, it held your throat in a vice grip. the photographs displayed by the shelves were foreign to you, despite how it was simply you and serim. it was like you were staring at completely different people. smiles had long been taken away, touches had melted, flutters subsided— all that was left was a terrible feeling of helplessness. something that seemed to guide you to nowhere. you were lost.

before, you were sure of how the story was to be written. how the chapters were to unfold. but right now, you weren’t even certain what would be on the next page. it was like the next ones were torn from the spine, gone. oh hell, you weren’t even sure what page you were on right now or if the story was bound to be written in the first place.

serim’s arrival went unnoticed at first. only until you heard the clink of the glass meeting the sink did you turn in his direction. an empty gaze was earned and for some reason you found yourself offering him a faint smile. a small gesture packed in pain that was quick to course through your senses.

sighing had become his way of greeting. dark circles under his eyes and the disheveled look emanated how his work had been weighing him. but your mouth was closed regardless of how you wanted to speak of reassurance and praise. it was strange, the inability to speak of warm words around him. why were you so held by fear?

“serim,” you called, breaking the floating silence.

he looked at you, eyes deep like he was examining a piece of fabric. it was enough for your stomach to churn. the stillness continued after your call. you weren’t sure how to continue it; it was as if his name was unnatural in your tongue. not only was your breath sucked, but also all the possible words had dissipated.

yet again another sigh as he tore his gaze away, stepping towards the bedroom. “i’m so tired, y/n,” he uttered, setting a line for you to not cross onto. “very tired.”

resurfacing on your brim was a smile. your eyes weren’t exactly skillful of lying though as tears soon gathered on it. heart hollowed in emptiness as if a scream would echo on its wall. likewise, your voice decided to betray you— shaking. “serim, i’m getting tired too.”

for a swift moment, serim tried to come up with an answer. but just like you, comforting words seemed to be an unfamiliar language. even aware of how a look would be inadequate, he only stared at you. his eyes don’t speak of words nor radiated comfort— it was vacant. lowering his head, he carded his fingers on his hair before letting go of a breath.

serim finally stepped inside the bedroom.

and that was how the two of you parted ways.

how can he forget about you?

it went on and on in your head, the question continuously striking.

a gush of autumn breeze pulled you out of your daze. serim was still looking at you, his eyes slowly lightening with recognition. a few blinks and he spoke. “oh, wait.” he tilted his head to the side. “y/n?”

you weren’t exactly sure what kind of answer to give, but you gave it your best to offer a faint smile. “yes.”

still— despite how other people were walking on the sidewalk and how vehicles passed by the road, the surrounding seemed to come to a stillness you didn’t ask for. denying and pushing away the feelings you’ve long ago tried to bury and made yourself believe that you’ve healed from only brought a new wave of pain. as if you were its child, sadness came to hug you.

just in time, the bus arrived as if to save you from further drowning in emotions you didn’t wish to engulf you in. to your surprise, serim also boarded in. while you chose to sit somewhere just nearby the driver, he went to the last row.

usually, your rides on the way home were the most relaxing ones. a time to just stare at the window and watch the night spread into the city. it will always be accustomed by jungmo asking you on and on about how your day went and also sharing about how his day went. but your brother wasn’t around for that kind of support right now. and you can’t blame him for it. you can’t blame anyone for this unexpected meeting with the person you never knew you’d ever meet again.

the ride was sickeningly slow, all you wished was to get home and allow your voice to echo in your room. to release the emptiness if it was even possible to empty something that was already vacant. the sky held no comfort. its color dissipated and all that was left was an empty canvas that like a broken record, played memories. it was silly how despite those quick memories popping in and out of your mind, questions still managed to penetrate.

serim was living in another city, why did he ride the same bus? was he to meet his new lover? maybe to meet an old friend?

or did he perhaps mean to meet you? this was a guess you despised. the hope it brought that maybe an answer for all the questions formed that night were to be given tasted bitter in your mouth and offered restlessness in the heart.

an urge to talk to him surfaced, but then you asked yourself why. why would you want to talk to him? for what?

despite being curious about the reason why he left that night, a certain fear crawled onto your senses. the fear of knowing.

what could knowing his reasons possibly bring you?

the time when the two of you loved each other wasn’t of the best timing. two newly graduates seeking career growth, wanting nothing but to achieve various goals. those were dreams drawn with the other person placed as a part of it. however, during the process of achieving those, that same person where the aspiration was rooted gradually disappeared from the mind. the path the two of you promised to take together came at crossroads and you ended up taking something different from what he preferred to go to.

at first, there was a powerful yearning that made the two of you grow more fond of each other. but it was slowly replaced by numbness towards it, making love such a foreign word.

you understood. but it wasn’t something you had fully accepted.

a familiar shed came to flash on the window, your stop nearing. and when the vehicle finally came to a halt, you gave serim a final glance. he was looking at you, not moving from his seat. dismissing the contact, you walked down the bus and began tracing the sidewalk with heavy steps.

disappointment curled into your stomach when you arrived near your house, realizing that the recurring questions will not be answered. however, fate played its game. anxiousness arose when once again you heard your name wrapped around serim’s voice.

you turned to look at him, his lips hesitant to let go of a word.

serim was also in deep thoughts, mind all over the place despite how he already had the resolution to talk to you, not to explain and justify himself, but to apologize for the damage done.

“i’m sorry for that night,” serim began, the initial words already clinging into his chest, weighing down. “i should’ve been more honest with you and trusted you more with my struggles.”

there was nothing serim wanted but to prove himself worthy of you. achieve things that could make you be proud of him and deem him as someone who deserves you. working up to late hours, diving into designs in order to perfect his craft. the thing was, he forgot that you already loved him even when he was simply that serim. that you loved him as park serim.

blinded by the goal, the mean diminished. as he was too caught up with it, he was no longer striding towards it for you, but for himself.

“it was selfish of me to decide for something we both should be deciding for. i left that night thinking it was better that way without even considering how you will feel,” serim continued, his voice weakening. he lifted his hand as if to hold you, but stopped midway. it fell to his side as he breathed in. “i’m sorry. i’m really sorry.”

“i was hurt, but you were probably hurt as well.” the way those words left your lips ever so calmly surprised you. “it wasn’t the most pleasant experience, but i hope we both learned from it.” a smile became evident on your visage. “promise me one thing serim, do not make the same mistake with your future lover.”

“i will not,” serim replied.

both of you never really imagined the end of your relationship and as the page of it was torn years ago, an ending was deemed impossible to earn. closing a book would never be that easy, but some stories were meant to end— yours included.

“also, this is for you.” serim handed you the paper bag he was holding. “i told you years ago that i’ll make you a better dress, and here it is. i figured that i wouldn’t be able to keep the promise laced on the ring i gave you before but i at least want to have one of my promises kept.”

you looked at the item for a moment before turning to serim once again. “thank you.”

“i also want you to know that i truly loved you.”

never at once did you doubt serim’s love for you. the thing about it is that people will grow and know love from a better perspective. know how to best keep it. know how to best show it. but it will not change the fact that back then, you felt that it was love.

serim had a single flaw and that was to hold everything to himself to the point that those created a wide gap between the two of you. the distance far enough that reaching his hand became impossible despite how you wanted to hold him.

and maybe during that time, parting was the best solution. and up to this point, it was too.

“it’s nice seeing you again, serim.”

“likewise, y/n.” a genuine smile crossed his lips. “goodbye?”

“goodbye.”

tonight, you gave him a piece of your heart. it was his, to begin with. whatever he was to do with it— keep it, throw it, crush it— it was a decision for him to make. keeping something that shouldn’t be there would only bring further destruction, it’s way better to have an empty spot in your heart rather than keep a damaged one.

the breeze embraced you. the goodbyes uttered were to serve as a beginning. there were new questions that formed and you knew there were tears that were yet to be spilled. but it was a start. opening a buried wound would never be pleasant, but it was way better to open it yourself than have it bare you.

staring at the newly planted hyacinth in the neighboring flower bed, you let go of a sigh. they will bloom in the spring. and you hoped that you would experience the same.

#cravitywriters #cravity imagines #cravity oneshots #cravity scenarios #cravity x reader #cravity angst #cravity fluff #serim x reader #serim #this has been in my drafts for quite a while...#finally got that push to post it u_u #cravity

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thejudgingtrash · 3 years

Note

Can you explain to me how Rachel was annoying in the series?

Well, I’ll try to keep myself short for this one (lol no, this took an hour to write). Also, let’s not forget that they’re all kids, but I’m basing this off from when I read the series as a fourteen year old because my opinions haven’t changed much (for better or for worse).

I’m not the biggest fan of Rachel. I have to admit that portrayals of her by Simi, Kit, Logan, Apollo and all the others helped to shape her into something cooler than what she had been in my foggy memories but I actually went back to take a look in the books (well, TTC + BOTL so far) to refreshen my mind about events that have happened.

Also, you should browse through @blackjacktheboss's blog as she’s a) hilarious and b) says whatever I say in like a single sentence lol. But your ask is about me and my opinions so here we go:

What I didn’t like about Rachel was that she’s rude and bold (DON’T GET ME WRONG, I love that in female characters!!!), but she doesn’t have Annabeth’s excuse of survival of the fittest (literally running off as a traumatized seven year old) and introducing us into the world of the Riordanverse.

Percy was on his way, had shit to deal with and Rachel pretty much interrupted him from the get-go and thought getting her answers was more important than letting Percy just rush forward. Yes, this is Rachel’s entrance into the series and the net Riordan threw into the sea, to make us little fish adapt to her. But it still didn’t sit right with me, probably because I would never interact that way.

I get why she did that, but it’s the way how she did it that’s just making me go ???

Even if I was seeing weird things, I wouldn’t set out to distract/interrupt someone who is incredibly busy to get my way. Rachel’s dick move seems like a Karen boomer type of thing to pull off, but guess that’s up to you.

If I were her, I’d either film/try to photograph the monsters via phone (if that’s possible) or internet stalk enough to find the other person (note: despite Riordan’s stupid rule of not being able to use phones, demigods still can use computers/the internet, I guess). Percy was national news like a year or two ago in the timeline, so it shouldn’t be that difficult to find more stuff out about him, even in like 2008 or so. Let him have a spot on Perez Hilton's shitty gossip blog, for the OGs reading this.

Annabeth was used as a tool of exposition to introduce us to CHB, the demigod life and how things roll around there. She barged into Percy’s mission as a nuisance first but a necessity second in TLT.

However, in comparison to Rachel, Annabeth was transformed into a fully-fledged protagonist within a span of a chapter or two. Rachel needed another separate book after her first appearance, so we don’t just know Annabeth better, we know that she’s an important constant throughout the story as of Rachel seems… almost random? Is she truly necessary as a character?

This doesn’t come from a shipper perspective, this is coming from a character design perspective and adds to the feeling that the way she has been introduced to me as a reader just seems off.

Yes, BOTL makes sense with her as a reborn Ariadne, but technically Sally could’ve done the job as she’s a clear-sighted mortal as well lol. Then again, Sally is an adult, went to college, had a job, was unfortunately probably working it up with Paul, did the cha cha slide with him and had overall better shit to do.

Then Rachel as the oracle, which is just super weird in general. Wasn’t Apollo himself responsible for issuing prophecies in the OG myths? Or did he both, have the oracle of Delphi as his spokesperson and issue important stuff to Team Olympus? Am I mixing things up? I’m getting sidetracked, my bad.

Either way, this oracle gig might be the only time I’d say Rachel might be important in the future (badum tzz), but Riordan fumbled the bag in the follow ups series so there’s that. Did she even appear in HOO? Can’t remember and also don’t care.

Rachel is used as one out of three choices in regard to his love life that Percy can make. Calypso literally got introduced into BOTL and was admittedly Percy’s biggest what if… But the general gist doesn’t sit right with me. We have three possible routes with Percy and the others:

Rachel: somewhat normality in the mortal realm

Annabeth: the danger and thrill of the demigod life

Calypso: ambrosia and nectar. a hint of immortality

(On one hand, literally why but on the other hand, mad props for Percy who has literally three romantic leads in the same book.) I’d cancel one of them at least out and since Annabeth isn’t going anywhere, I’m taking Rachel. Sally could literally been Percy’s anchor to a normal mortal life as she had intended until it didn’t work out anymore when he became twelve and his monster alerting scent grew stronger.

Calypso and Annabeth would’ve been the perfect opposites where each of them had a strong case. The demigod life within the realms or mortal or the demigod life ascending to Olympus/immortality. Sounds cooler and is way simpler. Three people is way too much, this truly feels like a shonen anime harem thing and it’s defo not my cup of tea (and while some Annabeth sideships aren’t my thing (Lukabeth go cry in the corner, no one likes you, WTF, Connabeth you fugly), it’s super unfair that Annabeth solely has Percy (fuck off Luke) to rely on in regards of romantic endeavors).

Rachel almost feels redundant? The option to walk away from all of that… which isn’t really true as Rachel really tries to push and insert herself into the story the very first time we meet her? But that’s just me, I’m certain that others are saying they’d kill off Annabeth or kick Calypso (I mean yeah) into the curb.

Big ALSO:

Why does Percy need another white and uber-rich love interest?

I semi-joked on Dez’ post (@sawasawako) with this response about Annabeth needing to keep up with powerful Rachel, but the core still stands.

We already have an affluent Annabeth (granted, we don’t know exactly how the Chase’s riches are divided, whereas it’s clear that Rachel can just make anyone drop dead by saying who she is. Annabeth needed that weird lotus casino credit card to make that happen, so Miss Harvard Legacy doesn’t wield that Dare schmoney. Also don’t think Annabeth can just up papa’s money and go…? Idk).

Why do we need another person needing to upstage this?

Like Rachel has to triumph in regards to standard and prestige as if it were a badly written Jane Austen AU. For what reason…? Why not make Percy friends and acquaintances with someone who comes from a normal household for once, not super rich brats (Piper, Annabeth, Rachel, technically the Graces with their TV starlet mother amongst others).

Moreover…

Important question: why should Percy actually be impressed/attracted to that? He’s dirt poor and has been sent to (boarding) schools filled with stupid rich people since he’s been twelve, probably even younger than that. As if that’s the very first thing Percy would look out for or be wowed or something. He’s used to rich douchebags. I think he’s more surprised that someone used their money for his benefit for once and not to crash daddy’s new Mercedes again.

Like seriously… Rachel did that weird art project thing in BOTL with her covered in gold and posing like it’s a super normal thing to do? Even for rich snobbish kids standards? That sounds weird to me. I don’t know, maybe Riordan’s been streaming the new Gossip Girl reboot on HBO Max on repeat and thought this girl is on fiyah (performed by Alicia Keys).

Rachel trying to separate herself from her money just comes off as super hypocritical when she’s using the very same funds to finance her lifestyle. I get it, trying to make amends and make a difference with the damage you have done but... your father still doesn't give a shit about the environment or YOU, sweetie. Kick him in the balls for once! Then you can go out about your art projects.

The concept of Percy having friends in the mortal realm is cool, but why does Rachel almost have to compete with Annabeth with her wealth and art stuff?

No seriously, the comparisons are constantly there, out and about. Roaming freely on the finest grass, needing to be feed delicious locally sourced carrots and stuff.

Annabeth is Athena’s kid. Athena is the goddess of wisdom, weaving, justice, warfare yada yada and arts and crafts. So definitely something which would affect Rachel, right (someone write that Athena messing with Rachel because she can AU and tag me please!)?

Annabeth wants to become an architect which translates to fancy building designer who is driving engineers like Leonardo Eugenio Valdez Cortes insane irl because the maths and physics don't work like that in the working field trust me I'm an engineer, which could/should be considered an art form.

They even shared some common ground while talking about architecture and design in BOTL!

Furthermore, they both share broken homes with absent parents (granted that all demigods go through that). Wealthy families at that as well. Shitty fathers that don’t care about their daughters well-being. Rachel however, is super powerful and influential in an unseen level in the mortal world. She isn’t like Matt Sloan (?) who truly messes up by destroying shit to get his father's attention, but she’s still in that circle and can easily demonstrate that. Making deals with her father and what not. We rarely see Annabeth doing that. Did y’all forget the fucking helicopter Rachel brought along in TLO?

Pan saying Rachel is just as important as her father has multiple meanings to me…

(Sidenote: I do think it’s hilarious that Annabeth is jealous/annoyed of Rachel that her remarks were she’s cute right and Percy went??? Or when Tyson said Rachel’s pretty? Or that time when Annabeth actually defended Luke and his weird behavior (because Kronos was slowly taking over, don’t forget that kids!), because f that rich artist nepotism kid that Rachel seems to be, right?)

Another note: Percy thinks Rachel is annoying in BOTL for a while and it took a while for him to admit that and he spent way more time being annoyed/jealous (for once, Lordy) at Luke for him to even notice lol.

I guess it’s really hard for me to exactly pinpoint what’s bothering me. I believe Rachel's persona just doesn’t seem to hit right, because it feels like a knock-off Annabeth who just simply isn’t a demigod, yet has two cool powers, but in even richer who still needs to be part of the story for exactly what reason?

The jumping around from the richest in the series to the poorest in the series is kinda bothering me as if the middle class doesn’t exist, like I’ve stated earlier. Why didn’t Riordan mix it up with Rachel, giving her more nuance the minute they met, not towards the end? Have her be Percy’s platonic friend from the get go. No weird oh wait she is kinda cute in the middle bullshit.

This kinda drifted more into a Perachel vs Percabeth essay, which really wasn’t my intention. Don’t worry kids, I’m criticizing Annabeth (and her stans) enough already.

And I do think that others in the fandom have softened my views on Rachel as a person like I’ve stated in the beginning. So friendship!Perachel is popping! But I do think that there are some valid points that I’ve made.

Also not gonna lie, Rachel issuing the new prophecy in TLO kinda dampened the end of PJO series but that’s more Riordan’s fault than hers.

TLDR: I’m just not a huge fan of this overbearing, uber-rich, excessively flaunting being that Rachel sometimes displays. She’s flawed, she’s broken at times, has a semi-interesting background story (although it has been done over and over again throughout the series and should be changed up for once) which is great, but it is still annoying.

We don’t need an anti-Annabeth who feels like a weird caricature of the real Annabeth.

Also if this seems super incoherent, repetitive, or whatever, I'm sorry, massive headaches + mental health going down the goo lagoon does this to ya, I hope I made somewhat sense!

#Mel answers #pjo #percy jackson #rachel elizabeth dare #rachel dare #Annabeth chase #percabeth #pjo Meta #percy jackson and the olympians #pjato #ttc #botl #tlo

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soldrawss · 4 years

Note

pls grace us with those headcanons of the human turtle bois 🥺

OK ok ok ok ok okokokokokokok I’m so fucking glad you asked because I’ve been wanting an excuse to talk about my boys for AGES now. Here and here a post I did a little while ago about how the boys came into custody with Yoshi, but I’m gonna talk about when they’re older and teens since that’s fun! Pictures of them as teens, for context, are here and here.

So they’re technically all half brothers, except for Raph and Mikey cause I wanted that relationship for them.

Raph is the oldest, at 16. Donnie and Leo are the same age, though they aren't twins, at 15. Mikey is 13. I wanted to make Mikey a little younger than the rest of them because he’s baby

Raph and Mikey are half Ghanaian, Donnie is half Italian, and Leo is half Cuban.

Yoshi still works as movie/action star Lou Jitsu, and it was Yoshi’s wish to keep his boys out of the spotlight as much as possible, so they could keep normal lives. So as far as all their schoolmates and teachers know, the Hamoto’s dad just runs a dojo on Prospect Avenue. Which is partially true, actually, and the boy’s current living place is above said dojo)

Mikey likes to express himself in the way he looks, so he’s always dying his hair and wearing bright and colorful clothing and jewelry. His favorite thing to wear is Raph’s giant sweaters, which he steals on a daily basis because he knows he can get away with it. Raph only complains about it half the time.

When Yoshi finally agreed to let Mikey get his ears pierced at age 10, Mikey was excited but secretly terrified to do it. Leo knew Mikey wanted to do it, but understood that it was scary to do it alone, so he volunteered to get his ears pierced too, using the excuse that it could be ‘their’ brother thing they did. Mikey was of course, ecstatic, and Leo didn’t mind the weird looks the other 12-year-old boys gave him on his little league team. Cause Mikey’s been parading the biggest smile on his face for the past week now, and if he’d known that it would've made the kid that happy, Leo would have gotten matching earrings years ago. (Now Leo goes with Mikey every time he gets his ears pierced. It’s sort of a fun bonding thing they get to do, and both of them enjoy the one-on-one time they get with each other.)

Even though Donnie is only a sophomore, he’s also taking concurrent classes at the local college that’s only a few blocks down the street, and even though he loves learning and is a literal little evil genius, he also hates the American education system, and actually got quite a bit of bad grades growing up before he had to teach himself how to perform and present his work the way the school could grade him properly on.

The only reason he doesn’t skip a grade or two, which he easily could if he took the aptitude tests some of his teachers try to get him to take every year, is because he doesn’t want to be separated from Leo.

Donnie has 4 sets of glasses at home because he’s constantly breaking them. Either from failed experiments or from getting into fights with schoolyard bullies and kids from his robotics class. (He and Raph both definitely have temper issues, and while Raph works really hard to keep his in check with breathing and physical exercise, Donnie just fully gives in to his, like a short live wire)

All the boys know a good amount of martial arts from Yoshi, though they’re never allowed to use it outside the dojo unless it’s specifically called for, (like a mugging or as self-defense) and are never allowed to use their weapons without Yoshi present. (though, Yoshi goes away a lot to California to shoot his movies, so the boys are left home alone a lot. And when dad’s away, the boys will play. Raph is pretty good about making sure the weapons never leave their home or dojo, but sometimes Leo and Mikey will try to knock down soda cans in the kitchen with throwing stars, and as long as nothing gets broken or too damaged in the process, Raph thinks it's fine)

Leo is extremely sporty, and while all the boys have their own hobbies they like to do (Mikey with his art and theatre classes, Donnie with his robotics and science olympiad teams, and Raph with his boxing club) it’s Leo who shines in the sports clubs. His favorites are Baseball and Basketball. He used to do soccer with Mikey when they were little, but he didn’t like the contact of it so much, and there was really no point to continue playing it after Mikey quit. (Leo is fast and scrappy when he wants to be, but he respects himself and his body was too much to try and play a contact sport like football. Plus, all the guys on the high school teams are jerks anyway, so Leo doesn’t even bother with them.)

Raph has always been a big and strong guy, even when he was a kid, he was always bigger and broader than most of the kids his age, and this trend didn’t stop in middle or high school. He got recruited to be in wrestling and football a LOT, but he has a bad knee due to a car accident when he was young (also the reason behind all the scars on his body) and can’t put too much pressure on it for too long without wrecking it. So he takes up boxing, which he absolutely loves. It’s a good way for him to keep his energy up and get a good workout in without hurting his knee, and it also helps him keep his anger in check. Whenever anything stressful or anxiety-inducing comes around, a few rounds with the training dummies and punching bags in the dojo do well to clear his mind and work out some of those microaggressions.

The boys don’t have a whole lot of actual friends. Sure they have friends in their classes or clubs, but none of them they would consider a best friend, quite like they would consider April a best friend. She’s special. She’s the only one who gets all the perks.

They met April on a playground, like, 5 years ago, when some kids were making fun of Leo’s vitiligo, and she essentially swooped in and defended him and scarred the bullies off. Boom. Instant best friend forever. She’s also the only one that knows that Yoshi is actually Lou Jitsu. (she learned by accident, but she swore to eternal secrecy, so it’s cool)

Leo is allergic to shellfish. (Don’t know why this needed to be stated but it did)

Mikey’s the only one who has ever been suspended from school. (It was just a three-day suspension but still)

Donnie has a bad back from leaning over his computer and desk so much while working, that sometimes he has to wear a back brace and just lie flat on the ground for a few hours to stretch it out (Sometimes he just forgoes these steps and just continues to wok through the pain. Leo and Mikey have to physically threaten to get Raph to sit on him for him to actually try and take care of himself)

Mikey has a scar on his upper back from the same car accident when Raph and he were young. It doesn’t hurt and he forgets it’s there most of the time.

They technically have two places they stay at. When their dad is in town and home from a movie shoot, they live in a penthouse suite in Batter Park City. They all have their own rooms there. But when their dad is away, they choose to live in the apartment above the Lou Jitsu Dojo that’s closer to their school and clubs, in Brooklyn. (That apartment is smaller, but the boys like the comfort it brings and prefer that one. Mikey and Leo share one room, while Raph and Donnie share the other)

When their father is away, they have a nanny that lives right next door, who’ve they affectionately call Piebald, due to her ginger hair and her giant koi fish tank set up in her living room. (Piebald had been their nanny ever since the boys were little kids, and she’s practically like a big sister to them)

#rottmnt #tmnt #rottmnt human #tmnt human #rottmnt human au #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #this will just be known as my human au for now #because i don't know what to call it otherwise #but yeah i love this au so much #and i love the boys dearly #these are the basics #i can't think of any other specific hcs other than these #but if you have more questions about them please ask #i love talking about this au and the boys #<3

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youareinlovees · 3 years

Note

omg pls respond to this bestie haylors-antidote*tumblr*com/post/651227293125083136/haylors-antidotetumblrcompost651175875988094976

Well I feel like reblogging it would take up too much space on everyone’s dashes because I have a lottt of things to say but if you really want me to respond then sure!

I don’t see their point? I’ve said over and over that I think Taylor deciding to reveal WB’s identity in the long pond sessions was a strategic marketing move, but that has no bearing on whether a relationship is real? Which is why you can apply that same logic to Haylor, but the difference is that Swiftwyn is rarely marketed and they barely if ever, do pr pushes because she’s the only one benefitting. On the other hand, a huge part of Haylor was heavily marketed and intentionally publicised, like Taylor getting “a friend�� to tell Vanity Fair how Harry supposedly chased her for a year and saying he sent her 1989 roses and then his team issuing denials. I can believe in Haylor while also thinking it was super marketed and stunty <3

I also don’t know why they’re trying to explain the difference between someone staying over vs two people living together but I’m well aware of the difference! Having a joint property would constitute as moving in together, but so would moving your stuff into your partner’s house(s) and picking out rentals together. We literally know for a fact that Taylor rented a house for them together in Hampstead in late 2016-2017, and they’ve been renting in Camden since late 2018, plus we have her on tape saying stuff like this.

Anyway!! moving on

The first two songs they mentioned are pointless because when I said “every song on rep” obviously I just meant the love songs? There’s no need to be facetious lmao

End Game is mainly influenced/told through the perspective of her public persona, as are all the songs on the first half of rep, so taking every lyric literally when she’s primarily playing a character would ruin the actual analysis. And besides, the big reputations line is exactly the same thing she talks about in RFI and cowboy like me, where they kinda had parallel lives before they met and dated around and refused to settle down so??

“you’ve been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks” -> “call my bluff, call you babe”

“I don’t wanna miss you like the other girls do” -> “do the girls back home touch you like I do”

“we tried to forget it but we just couldn’t” -> “is it chill that you’re in my head”

“it’s like your body’s gold” -> “make me wanna know that body like it’s mine”

Also “reputation precedes me, they told you I’m crazy” wouldn’t make any sense for Harry because her serial dater, maneater rep only became a thing after they met. And we know she and Ed wrote it in July 2017 so it would be humiliating for her to write about wanting to be someone’s end game if they officially broke up 4+ years ago 😭

The theory about SIG being written in 2015 can be easily debunked and I talked about it here, but basically, Oscar specifically said that Max and Shellback had already finished half the album with Taylor (since Jack did the other half) when they wrote the song.

Max and Shellback did half of the album with her in L.A., and I had done this [instrumental] track—which is weird too, because I don’t do tracks. No one really does tracks on our team now. But I’d started that idea. Shellback was looking through things on his computer, listened to that track, and Taylor reacted to it.

And since we have video proof of Taylor, Max and Shellback working on RFI and DBM in 2017 and IDSB, Delicate, Gorgeous and KOMH in 2016, SIG would’ve been written in 2017 when his son was born, and after those songs had already been finished.

Also, we know it was a last minute addition to the album and probably replaced another song because the tracklist in the rep magazines is out of order

#ask #tw: haylor #lets talk haylor

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oldtypenewtype · 4 years

Photo

7 years ago I had this article professionally translated. 1986 is considered to be one of if not THE defining years of the medium. In this article Newtype intervies 21 anime industry leaders to discuss what’s wrong with the industry, ways it can be fixed or just their gripes with with it all. A true snapshot of some of our anime heroes while they were younger.

*reposting article altogether in one post.*

アニメの予言者21人

21 Prophets of Anime アニメ大予言'86 Grand prophecy of Anime ‘86 今、アニメ界に求められているのは、こんな企画だ！私はこんな企画を出す！1986年のアニメ界をリードする21人が業界の問題点と自らの解決策を語る。これを読めばアニメの未来が見える。 This is the project needed by Anime world now! I propose this project! 21 leading personnel in Anime world in 1986 talk about problems in the industry and their solutions. You can see the future of Anime by reading this.

Page 46 & 47

(Article Title)

1985 was a flat year in the animation world. Let’s ask the hit makers who hit the home runs on how to put an end to this situation.

HAYAO MIYAZAKI (writer and director of “Laputa: Castle in the Sky”)

(Blurb)

What are the animated works that the young ones, the ten year olds to fifteen year olds want to watch? Doors will surely open if you keep them in mind.

It’s unthinkable that new hope can come out of TV when one episode from a TV series needs 3500 cells to be drawn. On the other hand, in movie theaters as well, there are no films that will mobilize moviegoers other than anime fans. I think that filmmakers have forgotten the basics of selling movies. Collaboration films intended for overseas markets are all the rage, and even though I want the fans who are in Japan to see these films, they can’t and all I’m left with is frustration. Only deterioration can come out of this situation. Actually, there isn’t even one anime today that is aimed at older kids in elementary school to kids in middle-school - the very kids who should be watching anime. (The anime available now) is aimed at younger kids at elementary school and then jumps straight into anime for college kid anime maniacs. It’s a tough time for fifteen year olds who are put aside by society. Twelve year olds to fifteen year olds are the kids who need the most comfort and yet the situation now is that they get their comfort from handheld video games. Those who produce animation are losing sight of their targeted audience. The remaining anime fans are making anime that they want to watch, and this is a symptom (of the present situation) that is beyond redemption. This is why video animation is still backward in terms of its production, and only its format is new.

If one has an earnest approach, children will definitely react. This is a real example - in a run-down middle school, in his morning greeting, a new principal said, “I don’t determine a person’s value by his or her grades or appearance”. Miraculously, all misbehavior was gone from that day’s afternoon onwards. What children want has always had just one theme - an adventure that saves the mind and heart.

(Caption for illustration at the top of the page)

The hero “Pazu” and heroine “Sheeta” from “Laputa: Castle in the Sky”. Mr. Miyasaki comments that “For a young lad, living at all times in itself is an adventure. The reason why Japanese adventure novels are boring is that the hero (in these novels) makes a living out of going on an adventure.”

SUGII GISABURO (executive director of “Touch”)

(Blurb)

What people want nowadays can’t be found in data. What is the secret of the hits “Night on the Galactic Railroad” and “Touch”?

Honestly speaking, if anything, I genuinely make animation to match my desires, not thinking that today’s animation is trending towards this way, or future animation should be this way. In other words, I think a great deal about my daily life, figuring out what is lacking and coming up with desires felt by everyone else. I just happen to be a person who creates, so I vent out those accumulated desires and discontent and let them combust in my work.

My works are quite heavy in terms of cycle and tempo, whether it be “Night on the Galactic Railroad” or “Touch”. I sometimes think if this kind of heaviness is ok or not. But that is because I have a desire for this heaviness, and also because I have this easy pleasure within me. Instead of work that is borne out of being hung up just on data, I think work that is borne out of my inner natural desires is more acceptable to people. In the meantime, “Touch” will be shown as an hour and a half movie in the spring so please look forward it.

ISAO TAKAHATA (producer of “Laputa”)

(Blurb)

Movies that make the mind and body come alive are what’s important. As for me, I am trying my hand at my first live action film. I am shooting a documentary.

I think nowadays, the thing that a lot of people working in anime has forgotten is the excitement they felt watching adventure movies when they were kids, the kind of excitement that even your body moved spontaneously. In that sense, I think that works such as Hayao Miyazaki’s films should be brought out to the rest of the world and after (producing his) “Nausicaa”, I am still producing. When kids’ minds are liberated, there’s no reason to think that they won’t spontaneously move. In this day and age dominated by computer games, a lot of kids’ play involve just using the brain and nerves so I’d like them to experience things that energizes the blood and makes the body dance. The difficulty is, I think it’s a difficult time now to have a situation in place wherein you let them experience adventure. If you can’t make people believe in the world portrayed onscreen, you can’t pull viewers into the adventure onscreen.

It’s not that I’m not doing my real job as a producer. I am now producing a live action documentary movie set in Yanagawa in Kyushu. It is about how our Japanese ancestors developed towns which utilized waterways. There is also a part in the movie that has graphic illustrations using anime. It’s less than 2 hours and is slated to be shown after the summer.

MAMORU OSHII (scriptwriter and director of “Angel’s Egg”)

(Blurb)

This is a warning!! Please reduce the number of collaboration animes before Japanese animation is annihilated.

If I’m going to be severe about it, I’d say that I want all collaboration animes gone.

Those who work in big studios and places with systems in place may not feel a sense of crisis yet. But in the case of freelance animators like us who work together and put together a workplace and disperse once our anime is done, a part of our actual work is outsourced. Recently however, the small video studios and finishing studios that we outsource to are loaded with collaboration work. Japanese animes can’t compete with collaboration animes in terms of profit so when that happens, we just have to rely on the goodwill of the studio bosses, or make them feel the same way we do with regards to the contents of our work, or by chance see an opening and aim for that, or appease them or plead with them. We can’t work in just that kind of a situation. That’s why it’s almost impossible to make highly compact and solid animes in Japan now. Even without going that far, it’s almost impossible to make even decent animes in the country today. In fact, anime TV series are almost all in shambles, and I can’t even be optimistic about the video quality of the anime we have now. In this kind of situation, I can’t help but seriously think if next year, our ideas can be made into anime.

(Caption for illustration at the left side of the page)

A girl from Mamoru Oshii’s original video anime “Angel’s Egg” (drawn by Seikou Nakura). Mr. Oshii revealed that he is having a hard time because there aren’t enough animators to make even just one anime video.

YOSHIKAZU YASUHIKO (director and screen director of “Arion”)

(Blurb)

I haven’t decided yet on what I will make after “Arion”. I will not take part in the new Gundam series.

I am very busy now with screen work for the anime “Arion” which will be shown in theaters on March 8th. But as far as I’m concerned, I’m conscious of the fact that this is my anime for 1985. Therefore, I haven’t decided yet on what my anime will be for 1986. I feel like I want to take a break for a year.

“Arion” is quite restrained for an anime to be shown in movie theaters. I’m happy that this movie is being touted as “the” main animation movie this spring but conversely, it’s a shame that there aren’t a lot of big anime movies for theaters. It’s already been decided that “Arion” is going to be shown in top-class movie theaters throughout Japan. It just shows how much anime has received recognition. I’d like to wait for animes that will pick up on this trend.

With regards to anime TV series, I was in charge of character design for “Z Gundam” this past year but I’ve decided not to be involved at all in the sequel’s new series. I think it’s better to relegate “Gundam” to the younger animators, starting with Hiroyuki Kitazume, who have grown so much in their craft. Now I sincerely think, if only someone as good as Kitazume were around eight years ago to help with “Gundam”, I would’ve been saved…

(Caption for illustration at the bottom of the page)

The heroine “Lesfina” from “Arion”, which was produced, character designed and screen directed by Yoshikazu Yasuhiko. This is the drawing touched-up by Mr. Yasuhiko. As we have discussed in a series of character designers in last month’s issue, he breathes life into his anime characters, showing genius capabilities.

(Box at the lower left side of the page)

If there were animes like this I’d watch it!

MASAMI YUUKI (manga artist)

As a rule, the three things I’d like to see are: “something that isn’t originally from manga”; “robot animation that isn’t dark”; and “in one year, a collaborative anime by Osamu Dezaki and Akio Sugino for release in Japan”. I can watch TV anime while casually lying around but I’d like anime that I wouldn’t be able to take my eyes off of the screen, something that is both easy to watch and amusing. And as written in other magazines before, I’d like to see Mr. Hayao Miyazaki’s version of “Atragon”! (Translator’s note: “Undersea Warship” in Japan)

YUUKI KUDOU (actress and singer)

I’d definitely watch anime that’s fun to watch, anime that will make me happy. At any rate, I’d like a hero on the side of justice who will beat the hell out of the bad guys and put them in a bind.

RYOKO YAMAGISHI (manga artist)

If there were an anime like Disney’s “Fantasia”, I’d watch it!

Pages 48 & 49

(Article Title)

Major producers from each of the anime/production companies talk about their hits for 1986 and foresee what their companies will be producing

KENJI YOKOYAMA (Toei Animation Co.)

(Blurb)

The new hit TV show Gegege no Kitaro from the fall of 1985 which received top ratings reflects modern times.

This is what I’ve been thinking with the third conversion of Gegege no Kitaro into animation. One is the change in children’s thinking with regards to ghosts/monsters. Of course “Ghostbusters” and “E.T.” have influenced this change, and now kids consider ghosts almost as pets. So in this way I think that if you match the present mood and go in the direction of lighter anime, you’ll be able to create different things from before. Children’s lives are too managed now, so they’d want an outlet to vent too. And in a society that has too many things and where, if you have the money, you can buy anything, things like the Toyoda Company fraud scandal and shady investment journals can also be construed as monstrosities. This anime has this overall theme: In the ideal world of Kitaro, monsters, people, animals, grass and trees should all co-exist so I thought I’d have various new approaches within the anime.

As a new endeavor, our company is going into video anime. It’s called “Amon Saga” and we’re not just going to sell it in video format, (I’m also hoping) we can show it in any movie theater even for just one week otherwise it’ll just be too sad. Especially with regards to original works with names that aren’t well known, I think it’s dangerous to rely on just one production studio. After “Konpora Kid” ends, beginning February, we’re planning on animating “Kinka”, a serialized manga in the weekly magazine Shonen Jump.

(Caption for illustration on the left side of the page)

A figure from the very popular “Kitaro”. They can’t keep up with the demand for a ghost eraser that they’ve produced and now it is a hit product. It’s also been decided that there will be new movie releases for this anime in the New Year and in the spring.

EIJI YAMAURA (Nihon Sunrise Co.)

(Blurb)

Find common ground with your viewers and defeat this lethargic mood!

Sunrise has now expanded into six studios and at any given point in time, we plan to work simultaneously on two to three anime TV series, video anime, anime for movie theaters and collaboration anime. Overall, anime today is manga magazine-driven, so our question is how far can we go in staying on an original anime track. Robot animes have vastly decreased in number, so conversely, I think this is a chance for us to come out with epoch-making anime. I’d like to make anime that will allow us to seriously converse with our child viewers.

TOSHIMITSU SUZUKI (Artmic Co.)

(Blurb)

Making anime that will be understood by the whole world! The robot anime boom is shifting from transformation-type robots to robots that merge into one.

Speaking of Japanese products in the international market today, mechanical products come to mind. This is also true in the animation world since Japanese robot animes are extremely in vogue. Especially in the American market, they already have transformation-type robot animes, so animes that have robots that merge into one are new to them. We’ve already exported “Beast King GoLion”, following that, (we’re going to export) “Dancouga Super Beast Machine God”.

We at Artmic plan to make animation that can be exported to foreign markets and we also are also keeping in mind to configure these anime with universal values. The video anime “Gall Force” is the first step in that direction.

NOBUO INADA (Tokyo Movie Shinsha Co.)

(Blurb)

Our track remains the same - making collaboration animes for foreign countries but we also have new anime.

I can’t necessarily say that the present state of anime is good. But the passion for anime during the anime boom of “Gundam” and the like was an anomaly so I feel that the state of anime now is the real one.

As you may know, not only do we make anime for Japan but we also produce anime for foreign countries. It’s a difficult situation for us now to concentrate on anime just for Japan because of production costs. It can be said that Japanese anime should be improved from the very basic level.

In 1986, we plan to have “Little Nemo” and in the fall, an anime for movie theater release by the duo Desaki and Sugino. At any rate, we’re doing our best.

JUNZOU NAKAJIMA (Nihon Animation Co.)

(Blurb)

We’re aiming for improving the quality of our masterpieces and we’re also trying our hand at new anime!

As you may know, our company has mainly been making masterpiece animes for more than fifteen years but I think we’ve made a habit of making similar anime. But we’ve been able to improve on our animes’ degree of perfection precisely because of the buildup of our experience in animation. We’re also working hard on our technology, and on the authenticity of our masterpieces. At any rate, we’re trying to make anime that is still interesting to watch even after five or six years have passed. Next year, we plan on making “Pollyanna” after “A Little Princess Sara” ends, and a new SF series called “Space Sagittarius”. We’re also going to have one TV special around May.

HIROMICHI MOGAKI (Tsuchida Production Co.)

(Blurb)

Just like what we did in “Tsubasa” and “Kimengumi”, we’re adding our original flavor to animation adapted from manga!

Even with regards to animating manga, the time when you aren’t creative when adapting something is over - just like our approach to our anime “High School! Kimen”. In manga, the fun is enclosed in a comic cell. Differing from that, we were able to bring out fun that moves freely (in the anime format). (Our decision to) put two episodes in one anime has also been well-received. We are also planning to have an anime TV series next year but all will depend on how long “Captain Tsubasa” will last. Captain Tsubasa’s storyline is that the finals will end in March, and the European leg will begin. This will catch up with the manga version’s storyline so I’m thinking of making a new one or taking a temporary break.

MASAYASU SAGISU (Eiken Co., Ltd.)

(Blurb)

Please watch the cooking scenes in the manga “Oishinbo” animated in a live-action format.

The anime “Sazae-san” is going to be seventeen years old. I think that the things that last for a long time are not manga for boys or manga for girls but manga for adults such as “Sazae-san” that has a family theme. But there aren’t many of this kind of anime today.

There has been a lot of SF space anime but nowadays it’s quite possible for kids to go to space someday. But the world of “Sazae-san” where the grandma, the grandpa, the old maid and the troubles they encounter while living together is farther than space in today’s world of nuclear families. Conversely, this makes Sazae-san’s storyline fresh.

For next year’s anime, we are developing our plans to animate Mr. Shinji Wada’s manga “Pigmalio”. We’d also like to do SF action animes, and a totally new genre - animating Big Comic Spirit’s serialized manga “Oishinbo”. Following a ten-year cycle, monster animes might come out next year but we’d like to try out new genres.

HIROSHI KATO (Ashi Production Co.)

We are developing original videos for the anime “Dancouga”

Our company has concentrated mainly on original anime and we are continuing with this direction in 1986 and beyond. Even though our animes are popular, I don’t know why we are edited a lot. Even “Dancouga” which originally had fifty-two episodes was reduced to thirty-eight and the final story was changed. We are going to sell a one and a half hour video in March and we’d like to include the real final story in it. Seventy percent of animators in Japan today are working on collaboration anime. The pay (for collaboration anime) is more than double, so we have to do something about it.

TOSHIHIRO NAGAO (Kaname Production Co.)

I’d like to see different kinds of SF anime. “Windaria (Once Upon a Time)” is the first step in that direction.

Generally speaking, I’d like to go with polar opposites - simplistic anime that has funny gags and anime that explores heavy themes. I think our company would like to take a short break after “Windaria” ends and then we’re going to do a lighter anime. We’ve also talked little by little about producing an anime TV series, but can we really do it with the present situation? Companies we outsource to are doing a lot of collaboration anime and we don’t have the confidence that we will win the price war and if we dabble in (anime TV series) incorrectly, it will be a death blow. With this situation, it seems like we will be concentrating on video anime for now. With regards to the direction of our anime, we’d like to consider doing SF anime with our own touch and foray into different parts, for example, making modern anime like “Radio City Fantasy (Machikado no Marchen)” that merges footage and music.

(Caption for illustration on the left side)

“Mujigen Hunter Fandora”, one of the original video anime from Kaname Production Co..It is said that the second part will be released in March.

YUUJI NUNOKAWA (Studio Pierrot)

(Blurb)

“Magical Emi, the Magic Star” will end in February. We’re working on the anime that will follow this.

Ever since our “Dallos” anime, anime in the video anime genre have increased, and it’s becoming more and more difficult to foresee what’s ahead. But I feel our viewer base will return to children after the continuous increase in anime fans.

In our animes’ genres, it seems that we foray into unprincipled things but through trial and error, we are at that stage where we are aiming for our own style. In 1986, we plan to stop producing transformation-style anime after “Emi” and we are now working on an anime with a witch theme, with a nod to our very first anime. We have also decided that we will make a sequel to “Rumic World”.

(Box at the lower left side of the page)

If there were animes like this I’d watch it!

MIKI TORI (manga artist)

And yet there are only a few animes wherein you can feel each anime’s distinct character. I understand that anime is a group effort, but like manga, the director’s tastes dominate. If the time comes when the writer can say “that is good but this is also good”, I think that anime will become more vibrant.

AKIO YOSHIDA (manga artist)

If I’m going to watch, I might change the channel if they’d revive anime like the long adventure animes of Toei. It would feel just like watching the movie “Mothra”.

YUKI SAITO (actress and singer)

I was in a manga research group when I was in high school so all I watched were anime from Sunrise. I like “Gundam” and “Ideon”. If there were anime in that vein, I think I’d be obsessed again.

Pages 50 & 51

(Title)

A Glance at the Anime World: The Hit men and their Predictions

SHOJI KAWAMORI

(Blurb)

It’s important to have interesting anime that will be universally accepted!

I haven’t really watched TV anime these past two years. Once you get rid of a habit, it’s not good. Once you distance yourself from anime, you won’t even be able tell which anime is good and which is bad. It’s scary to think that I’ve been watching anime by force of habit.

I also haven’t watched that many video animes to be fussy about it but I feel that video animes have become closer in form to manga. I can’t say though that it’s already at the serialized manga level, but it’s just a matter of time. But if you’re going to make video anime and you don’t make it differently from TV anime, it will be a waste. Probably change the design a bit…just like what Mr. Oshii is doing. Once your attempts go beyond the realm of attempting things and once you’ve achieved something basic, I think we’d probably be able to see the direction of video anime for the first time. If I were to create video anime, I’d like to make a short sixty minute one, something that is highly concentrated and can’t be fully “digested” in a TV anime format. Sixty minutes is too short for a movie and too long for TV, and I think it is a length that is untapped and put aside.

Compared to video, TV’s strong point is that you can make serialized anime on TV. Nicely put, TV is a medium wherein if you don’t have “ordinariness” (badly put, “mass appeal”) you won’t succeed so in this sense TV is a more demanding form of media than video. I also don’t like the trend wherein anime that don’t appeal to the masses are turned into video anime. I think that video anime should also have universal appeal.

For 1986, if there are proposals that come my way, I’ll do them. I still don’t know exactly what I’m going to do.

TOMOKO KONPARU

(Blurb)

With regards to video anime, I have “The Super Girl” and I’d like to try my hand at a new kind of animal anime.

Anime is said to be on a low note right now but I think that the number of anime being produced now is just right because there was a time when the anime that was being produced went over the production capabilities of those in the anime world. I even think that the number should be reduced by just a little bit more, but only if the quality is improved. It seems that 30 animes will be released in 1986, but I think that in terms of quality, (those that aren’t good) will be culled.

I don’t have any children yet but as a housewife I don’t think that anime has a bad influence on children. Since I was little, I myself grew up watching anime. Even now, from the standpoint of someone making anime, I don’t want to forget about the children. But on the other hand, I also think that mothers who just park their kids in front of the TV to watch anime isn’t good either.

The anime following “Hai Step Jun” will be “Maple Town”, an animal anime but I don’t want it to be anime with just “good” characters in it. I want to try making anime for young girls, which will be a new thing for me.

ICHIRO ITANO

(Blurb)

There must be anime that only young animators can do!

I think that mass media has a very strong influence on children. I want people to be more conscious of that. I feel that anime that is being made today just to make money is overly increasing - animators don’t question things, or assert themselves. An extreme example is the Lolita complex boom of late. If a person is being shown something like (a Lolita anime) from way back (from childhood), that person’s imagination takes precedence instead of the ability to adapt to another human being, and stress builds up as a result. I think we should oppose this current reality, and as for myself, I plan to try different things. I wonder what I’d be able to do before I turn thirty-five, and I also think that you can learn from failure.

MITSURU KANEKO (MK Productions)

(Blurb)

The computer is absolutely infiltrating the anime world.

It’s possible to think that in the future, the possibilities of computer graphics will first be used in the industrial fields. For example, the depth maps of the Japan Coast Guard just have numbers on them now but if you input these numbers into a computer, you’ll be able to see valleys (under the sea) that continue for miles as video images. And if this (technology) presses forward, for example, there is an (American) masterpiece special effects movie called “Fantastic Voyage” wherein they (physically) made the sets and then shot the film but in the future, you can make the movie set by inputting data in a computer.

Speaking of another side (of this technology), take the example of video images shown on large screens that have been demonstrated at an expo. Just like what was shown in the expo, video images and 3D images shown on dome-like screens can only be made using a computer.

In this way, the spotlight is now aimed at anime as a means to (showcase technology). Animation’s possibilities will also become limitless as it will need to respond to the diversification of people’s demands.

(Caption for illustration on the right side of the page)

This is Cindy, a young girl from a biker gang in the anime “Megazone 23 Part 2”. Mr. Yasuomi Umetsu’s character design is original, as personified in this drawing. This anime has a different kind of appeal compared to Part 1.

KEISUKE FUJIKAWA (scriptwriter of the anime “Once Upon a Time” or “Legend of Fabulous Battle Windaria”)

I researched and compared the recent trends, the trend in fans’ consciousness about anime and anime programs and from around last year, it seems like the age of wanting “salvation” has come. I think that in so many ways, we are being stifled and we are seeking breakthroughs. I think that how anime as a medium is going to lift this issue up is going to be important. Even “Once Upon a Time”, which we will show in 1986, takes up issues of the present times. I’m putting emphasis on what I will say to the youth of today through SF that has stories of people in it instead of just hardcore SF. For this year and the next, I’d like to dig into aspects of the youth in different ways. I’d like to make anime that makes viewers think that there is something out there that matches their present selves perfectly.

(Caption for illustration on the left side of the page)

This is Anasu, the heroine of “Windaria”. Illustrated by Ms. Mutsumi Inomata, this character personifies the pure themes of Mr. Fujikawa’s anime.

YOSHINOBU NISHIZAKI (producer)

(Blurb)

I’d like to make a video anime that will be a preview of a movie theater anime

With regards to “Odin: Photon Sailor Starlight”, I didn’t make excuses and I haven’t commented on it but there are clear reasons why that movie ended in failure. That anime was originally a one-hour program, twelve episode TV anime - in other words, it was an anime made to be aired for twelve hours. I think there was a big mistake in the producers’ thinking that they could digest this into a two and a half hour movie.

I used to say that after 1955, there wouldn’t be a hit anime made for movie theaters. The same thing is about to happen in the video anime world. If the overproduction of low-quality anime continues, there will definitely be a backlash. It seems that the most basic idea during planning anime has been forgotten. And this basic idea is this: things expressed through anime must rouse people’s imaginations.

We’re planning on releasing an anime for movie theaters on July 9, 1986 based on “Desler”*. But before that we’re planning on selling a promotion video about the movie in April. In making this video, budgetary issues, which have always been a concern in video animes, have been set aside so I’m planning on making it in the same high-quality as the movie. I’m also thinking of releasing a trailer of the movie at the same time.

*Translator’s note: Desler is a character in the anime “Space Battleship Yamato”.

(Box at the lower left side of the page)

If there were animes like this I’d watch them!

FUJIHIKO HOSONO (manga artist)

I like the works of Mr. Hayao Miyazaki. I heard that he said that he wanted to make an anime about the Period of Warring States (in Japanese history) so if that anime is made, I’d definitely want to watch it. Personally, I’d also like Mr. Miyazaki to make ninja anime. With regards to other animators, I like Mr. Mamoru Oshii, the one who made “Beautiful Dreamer.

SHOJOTAI (a singer/actress trio)

Reiko: Among animated characters, I like Peter Rabbit. I’d like Peter to guide me into a dreamy nature scene.

Miho: I really like Phillips. I’d like to plunge into a world adventure with a kitty cat.

Tomo: More than anything, I like Snoopy. I’d watch any number of animes with Snoopy in it. I’d like to watch happy animes.

#anime #newtype #21 prophets of anime #translations #translation #translation project

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sad-boy-mono · 4 years

Text

Highschool Casualties

Chapter 5/?

Masterpost with Ao3 link

Word Count- 3,447

Ao3 link

A/N OK HOLY FUCK. Y'all, I'm so sorry this took so long to make. Not only did I have my own issues going on, but I had so much trouble deciding where I wanted to go with this chapter. Not only did I not know what to do with the story, but also I trouble trying to figure out how I wanted to word certain things and never felt just right. Even now as I'm posting this, I'm not 100% happy with this chapter, but I think it's the best I can do. So having said that, please enjoy!

“SHAYNE WAIT-” Damien was cut off by a small tone, indicating Shayne hung up on him.

“Shayne?” He pulled his phone away from his ear and looked at the screen.

“God-” Damien moaned as he slammed his hands against the bathroom stalls.

“-Damn it Shayne!” Damien dialed Shayne’s number again.

“Come on, Shayne, please, pick up.” Damien pleaded.

“Hey you’ve reached the number of Shayne Topp! I can’t talk-”

Damien hung up the phone with a huff, and began typing.

Damien

Shayne please

What’s going on?

What happened?

Are you ok?

Is someone hurt?

Are you hurt?

Please

Get back to me soon

At least tell me if you’re ok

Damien stared at his phone as he pealed out of the bathroom and went to his next class: English. He only had to wait out that class until lunch, where he would see Shayne.

===

Damien entered the classroom, and all eyes turned to him.

"Oh Mr. Haas, glad you could show up. Go ahead and take your seat." His teacher, Mr. Hecox, said, pointing to the empty spot where Damien sat.

Damien nodded, silently thanking him for not making a scene of him being late, and walked over to the desk, keeping his head down.

He got to his seat and pulled out his phone once again. Glancing down at it anytime his teacher wasn’t looking, only partially listening to what Mr. Hecox was saying.

It was about 10 minutes into his class when he noticed something. Shayne had read his messages. And he was typing. The three dots on his screen showing up and disappearing. His heart was racing.

Shayne

I’ll explain at lunch

And I’m okay for the most part

Damien

For the most part?!

Shayne what happened?!?!

Shayne

Lunch Damien

Damien

Fine

Damien slipped his phone into his bag. His mind was put to little ease, but he just had to wait out this one class. That shouldn’t be to hard.

Just one class.

===

“Alright class, we have about... 8 minutes of left, and in that time you guys are gonna go ahead and turn in your essays!” Mr. Hecox said as some of the class dug through their bags, others asked if they could quickly print off their essays (which Mr. Hecox reluctantly agreed to).

“Alright and um, Damien can you go ahead and collect those for me, please?” Mr. Hecox asked, Damien replying with a quiet ‘sure’. “Thank you! And if you could place them on my desk when you’re done that would be great.”

The rest of the class sat quietly. Some people reading a book, others on their phone. The only sounds in the room being Mr. Hecox typing on his computer, and Damien walking around the classroom.

“Thank you Damien!” Mr. Hecox said as Damien placed down the small stack of papers on his desk. He lowered his voice as he continued to speak, “And before you head for lunch, I’d like to speak with you.”

“O-ok.” Damien mumbled, and walked back to his seat.

Damien stared at the clock. Only 4 minutes until lunch. He just had to wait 4 minutes.

Tick

3 minutes

Tick

2 minutes

Tick

1 minute

Tick

The bell rung throughout the halls. The class stood up and swung their bags over their shoulders. As his classmates robotically walked out of the room, Damien dragged himself to Mr. Hecox’s desk.

This better be quick. I don’t have time for this.

“Yes?” Damien asked, with an annoyed tinge in his voice. It wasn’t like Damien hated his teacher, no that wasn’t the case. He quite liked his english teacher, but he had somewhere to be. And whatever his teacher needed to talk to him about wasn’t nearly as important as getting to Shayne.

“Thanks for staying, I’ll make this quick since I know you want to head to lunch,”

Thank god.

“I’ve noticed that your grade in this class dropping over the course of this month. You’re not turning things in on time if you turn them in at all.”

“Ok?” Damien asked. They weren’t to far into the month, so it was hard to understand the concern.

“I was wondering if there was anything going on at home, or in your personal life. Because you’re usually really active in this class, one of my best students.”

“Well, um thanks... But I guess I've just been sort of busy..."

It wasn't exactly a lie, Damien had been sort of busy. But in less of a 'I have so many activities going on in my life right now," and in more of a 'Wow I'm so tired and my head hurts all the time :D' kind of way.

“What’s been going on?”

Shit

“Uh, it’s sort of hard to explain. Kinda just a few things that built up these few weeks. Yeah sorry, again, sort of hard to explain. My brain kind of refuses to work when I’m hungry.” Damien hinted, fidgeting with cuff of his sleeve.

“Oh, um, yeah, alright. I’ll let you head to lunch in one second.” Mr. Hecox grabbed a notebook from under his desk, writing a few things down before turning his attention back to Damien.

“So, how does this sound; I let you go for now, and if things still seem to be doing pretty low, and not just in your grades, I’ll check back in with you next Friday. Okay?”

“Yeah, sound good to me.” Damien said, shifting his weight between his feet.

Alright! Then in the meantime you are good to go! Have a good day Mr. Haas!”

“You too, Mr. Hecox.”

Damien gave a slight wave before leaving the room.

===

Damien ran out of the classroom and down to the cafeteria. Speeding by groups of kids and teachers telling him to walk.

If I’m doing pretty low, and not just in my grades? What does that even mean? Ok you know what, it doesn’t matter. Maybe he just noticed that I’m tired or something, fuck if I know. God, stop thinking about it, that isn’t the concern right now, Damien! Just get to Shayne.

Once he got closer to the lunchroom, he stopped running and pulled out his phone. Shayne messaged him.

Shayne

Meet me in the elevator room near the caf

The one they closed down, not the new one.

Well I guess there’s no other Elevators near the caf

Ok it doesn’t matter you know what I meant

Meet me in the old elevator room.

Damien let out a small breath from his nose, amused at Shayne’s always amazing texting skills. He shoved his phone into his pocket and changed his direction to the elevator.

He sped to the elevator, walking past more groups of students, many giving him a strange look as he went. Damien’s was heart racing harder than ever. Shayne wasn’t one to cause this type of panic. He was usually very straight to the point if he had any issues going on. And with that in mind, Damien realized how dire the situation must be.

He walked inside, and there he saw Shayne, leaning against the wall inside.

“Oh thank god,” Damien walked into the room and gave Shayne a hug, “dude you had me so worried! I thought you were hurt.”

“Y-yeah, sorry, I-I’m fine.” Shayne said weakly, barely reciprocating.

“Ok, now-” Damien dropped his arms from Shayne, ”-what happened? Is there a reason that Courtney can’t know about this or-”

“She can know about it! And she’s probably gonna f-find out what happened soon...” Shayne mumbled, his voice wavering at the end.

“And that’s not the point, Damien, but last time I checked, Courtney didn’t call me because she heard what I was thinking in her dream?! Dude how the-what in the- how?” Shayne asked, his hands on the back of his head, a hand occasionally running through his hair. He kept his head down, averting his eyes from Damien's. And Damien didn’t see it before, but Shayne wasn’t himself.

“Shayne I-I don’t even know what happened!” Damien retorted, a creak coming from the door to the room as it began to close. “And this isn’t the first time I’ve called you because I’ve had a weird nightmare before!”

“Yeah? Tell me the last time you called me because of a nightmare, Damien. Better yet, tell me why you called me.”

Damien opened his mouth, the words getting caught in his through when he realized when it was.

With a sigh Damien continued. “A few months ago...”

“And why did you call me?”

With another sigh, Damien answered. “We were in the danganronpa universe... and Courtney killed you with a creeper... While Revenge was playing...” Damien admitted, his voice slowly getting more mumbled with his explanation.

“Yeah you weren’t exactly dreaming the most realistic!”

“You have to admit it was kinda funny though.” Damien said, voice still mumbled.

“Yeah it was... But now is not the time for that!”

“Right, sorry.”

“And stop trying to change the subject! How did you know what happened?!” Shayne snapped.

“Shayne, for the love of god. I. Don’t. Know. All I said was that I heard you, and you sounded freaked out. I even asked you what happened when I called you. You said you would tell me at lunch! And I’ve spent the last period wondering what happened to you!”

“But how did you hear me?!” Shayne asked again, desperate for an answer to this strange situation.

“If I knew, I would’ve told you! So please, just fucking tell me what happened!” Damien snapped.

“OK! Fine! I...” Shayne paused, trying to find the right words.

“I almost killed a someone.”

“WHAT?!” Damien put his hands over his mouth, taking a step back. Shock filling his eyes.

Ok, should’ve taken a bit more time to think about the wording there, Shayne.

Damien took his hands off his mouth and tried to force words out. A sentence, a question, anything. The only thing to come out were small croaks.

“Ok no, not killed, I didn’t do that, h-he’s going to be fine. He’s just, Injured? Concussed?” Shayne explain quickly, still trying to find the best way to word this.

“Hurt badly.” Shayne settled on.

“Okay h-how did this happen? Did you trip him or- don’t tell you got into a fight!” Damien’s eyes changed from shock, back to worry.

“What! No! I’m not like that anymore dude! You know I-I wouldn’t do that!”

“I know! I do! It’s just... How else could this have happened?”

“O-okay so it’s gonna be hard to believe, but you have to trust me. Please.” Shayne, for the first time this conversion, looked Damien dead in the eyes as he pleaded.

“Yeah of course!”

Shayne went on to explain the incident once more, being more detailed than in his previous explanations, though still jumbled up in the troubling nature of what happened. He was shaky, and stuttering.

“Oh.” Damien replied once Shayne concluded the story.

“Yeah...”

There was a beat of silence before either of them spoke again.

“A-are you sure he didn’t just... trip? When you hit him?” Damien asked cautiously.

“Th-there’s no way! It looked like-”

“I know what it probably looked like.” Damien cut off. “But are you sure you’re not just... misremembering?”

“N-no, I know what I saw! You don’t fly back like that when you trip Damien!”

“Yes I get that but-”

“You said you would trust me on this, Damien!” Shayne said, his voice cracking as he spoke more. Eyes welling up.

“I know! And I do! I do-I really do. It’s just...” Damien sighed, trying to collect his thoughts. “Adrenaline was running, a lot was happening, and it was probably hard to think clearly. Everything might’ve looked more dramatic than it was.”

Shayne stood their in silence, opening his mouth as if he was trying to speak, but no words were coming out. He wiped the tear from his eye.

He’s right

“Yeah. And I’m not trying to like, dismiss your feelings, it’s just... ya know... You’re strong, but not exactly super human strong. No one is.” Damien said, letting out a dry chuckle.

“Ok how are you doing that?” Shayne barked.

“Doing what?” Damien asked, taken aback by the sudden harshness Shayne was exuding.

“Am I speaking? Because I swear I thought that last thing in my head.”

“D-did you not just say something?”

“No, I didn’t! How are you doing that!”

“Doing what?!” Damien asked, panic flooding his voice and mind.

“It’s been happening all day! I’ve just thought I was saying things aloud accidentally! But it’s like you’re reading my mind!” Shayne’s tone was getting more accusatory. Like he was calling Damien out for a crime.

“Shayne, come on, you know that’s impossible-”

“Oh and I was literally thinking earlier ‘haha maybe Damien’s reading my mind! Wouldn’t that be funny? Just like the whole joke people have! But nooo there’s no way! I’m probably just more tired than I though!” Shayne lashed.

“C’mon Shayne, are you sure you’re not overthinking this? We already established that today’s been a little off for you.” Damien said, but he sounded unsure of himself. Like he didn’t truly believe what he was saying himself.

“Oh don’t try and change the subject back to me. And things haven’t been off with me all day, just since gym. You on the other hand,” Shayne took a step towards Damien. “Have been acting very off this entire day.”

“I mean, I’m tired dude. Not getting enough sleep does that to you!” Damien said quietly, trying to rationalize his behavior.

“Oh so not getting enough sleep means you're able to reply to the things I think in my head?” Shayne questioned, taking another step towards Damien.

“But that’s impossible, when has that ever happened?” Damien asked softly, his voiced was laced anxiety. He slowly taking a step away from Shayne.

“Oh? Maybe on the way to school?”

Shayne’s took a step closer.

“Or when we met up with Courtney?”

And he was being so loud.

“Or when I was walking you to the nurse’s office?”

He sounded so angry.

“Or how about when you where able to know what I was thinking, in your fucking dream!”

“OK!” Damien shouted. The lights flickered, and the clock on the wall cracked.

Damien backed away from Shayne (who was standing no more than a foot away from him), his arms covering his head as he curled in on himself.

“I-i get it! Just stop yelling! Please.” Damien kept backing up until he was against the wall. He slid down, choking back a sob.

Shayne stood in shock, and realization. He hurt his best friend. Things were, literally and figuratively, falling apart.

“Damien I-”

“I know! I-I know. Don’t apologize. I-it’s my fault. The reason you wanted to talk was so you could tell me what happened. This was suppose to be about you, I made it about me. I-I don’t know why I’m upset. I should’ve been less selfish.” Damien hid his head further into the security of his arms. Tears streaming down his face.

Guilt creeping up on Shayne as he stared at his friend. He didn’t know what else to do, so he slid down and sat a few feet away from Damien. Close enough to be able to comfort Damien, but far enough away where he could reject his presence if he needed to.

“This wasn’t your fault.” Shayne said, looking blankly at the broken clock

Damien lifted his head slightly to look at Shayne. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“I mean this wasn’t your fault. There isn’t much behind it.” Shayne chuckled sadly “I pushed it. I was... angry? Confused? I think confused is more accurate, but that doesn’t matter.”

Damien shrugged, he didn’t really have much to say at the moment.

“And you didn’t make this about you,” Shayne continued. “I did. I brought you up. If I wanted this to be one sided, I would’ve just told you what happened over the phone. But I wanted to know what happened on your end.”

“Yeah I guess...”

“And we figured out the situation that’s going on with me. He probably just tripped. But there’s something going on with you. I think it’s more than you being sleep deprived.”

Damien nodded. “Yeah...”

“And I think I know what’s going on.”

“Sure, but I don’t.”

“Damien I think you do, you just don’t want to face it.” Shayne softly said.

Damien sighed and shrugged his shoulders, taking seclusion in his arms once more.

They sat in tense silence, unknowing to the amount of time that had passed due to destruction caused by Damien.

“Shayne?” Damien whispered, pulling his head up to face Shayne once again.

“What’s up?” Shayne replied, the casualness of his response clashing with the tension the situation held.

“I-I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

Damien shook his head, running a hand over his face and through his hair. He was at a loss.

“Honestly, I-I don’t know. I just- I thought I was going crazy? I guess? I mean, heh, maybe I am. For all I know, I'm over at your house, still spending the night over, a-and I just haven’t woken up yet. This is all just a bad dream...”

Shayne chuckled, “Wasn’t the last time you slept over like a month ago? That’s a really strange time to pick.”

“Well, that was before... stuff happened.”

“Stuff? What kind of stuff?” Shayne asked, scooting closer to Damien.

“The stuff you said.”

“Well, I never really said anything.”

“But, you know what I mean...”

“Damien, is there something I should know about? Did something happen to cause this?”

“No, nothing caused this! And that’s why I feel like I’m losing it! I don’t exactly have any sort of explanation for why this is happening! I just woke up one day feeling like shit, everything was super fucking loud, and my head hurt all the time; and I kept hearing shit when nothing was being said so I was paranoid all the time and it sucks!” Damien rambled, frustration building up in his voice.

Shayne’s expression morphed into one of concern. “Dude, I had no idea! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“B-because I thought it would go away! I thought it was only temporary!” Damien let out a shaky breath. “I sure as hell didn’t expect this to happen.”

Shayne stared at Damien and scooted closer until the two sat with their knees touching. He put his arm around Damien and pulled him into a side hug.

“I don’t think anyone could have predicted something like this.” Shayne said, rubbing Damien’s shoulder.

“I mean, you guys would always joke that I’m psychic.” Damien laid his head on Shayne’s shoulder.

“Well, yeah. But that was only because you were good at guessing stuff.”

“Fair enough. Still kinda funny though. That y’all were right.”

“Yeah, well, god works in mysterious ways.”

“Oh fuck off.” Damien said, poking Shayne in the side.

“Hehey! I was kidding! Stohop!” Shayne laughed, batting at Damien’s hand.

“Uh huh, suuuuuure.” Damien teased, poking Shayne a few more times before stopping.

The two sat quietly for a moment before Damien started laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Shayne asked.

“It just hit me, how fucking weird this situation is.” Damien explained in between laughs. “Like, I have super powers for christ sake!”

It didn’t take long for Shayne to join his laughter.

“Oh, man, Damien, we gotta have a super hero training montage!”

“Oh hell yeah!”

��Like, my workout playlist already has a montage-y vibes to it!”

“Dude we have to do this!”

“Dude, can we do it after school?”

“Yes, I’m so down!”

“Hell yeah!”

The two high-fived, interlocking fingers as they brought their arms down.

“God, this is all crazy.” Damien said with a sigh.

“Yeah, but we should probably head to lunch now.” Shayne removed his arm from Damien’s shoulder and stood up.

“Oh shit, yeah.” Damien said, doing the same.

As the two walked out of the room, Damien couldn’t help but notice that Shayne still seemed somewhat off. When he tried to listen to his thoughts, he noticed how tense it felt. Like Shayne was actively trying not to think about something that was very clearly on his mind. Every few seconds, a word would slip out and it was imminently suppressed. It wouldn’t just fade away, it was like if someone was talking and a hand was put over their mouth. The more Damien tried to do it, the bigger his headache got, until he decided to just stop. Shayne probably just didn’t want Damien to know about it yet, but he would tell him eventually.

Right?

A/N: That little creeper aw man danganronpa story is based on something that actually happened to me! One of my friends called me because I was killed via ‘creeper aw man’ by our other friend in a dream he had. I thought it was funny so yeah

#smosh #smosh fic #smosh damien #damien haas #shayne topp #shaymien #My Smosh Fic #Highschool Casualties #smosh games #Courtney Miller

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new2otomelol · 4 years

Text

Maid to the Rescue - A KBTBB Fanfic

I have not posted in a looong time, but miss it! I will be going back, fixing some of my older posts (fix my writing, lol) I’m still not a great writer and being a teacher takes a lot of work, but this is a nice escape from the world every once in a while. This is for one of the awesome people that have read my stuff and liked it (a thousand thank yous!)

This story is developing and this is the first part. I don’t own the rights to Kissed by the Baddest Bidder, Voltage does. This is a fanfic for fun!

It has been a year since that fateful day in the lobby. God, my life was so different back then. I was always at the beck and call of “the boys” as I called them. My saviors as well as my proverbial pains in the rear. There are times I miss them, and others when I wish we could have all met under different circumstances.

You see, more than a year ago I use to be a maid at a famous hotel called the Tres Spades. A hotspot in Tokyo and one of the many business ventures of my former supposed boyfriend, Eisuke Ichinomiya.

My life was put in danger more times than what I would’ve liked during our pretend relationship; a situation that also opened up backlash from some of the employees at the hotel. Eisuke decided he didn’t want to see me suffer and thus ended our affair in grand-fashion in front of the staff and clients. This gesture alone successfully put an end to relentless bullying in less than a few seconds.

Even though I completely understood the situation and told myself countless of times that I was fine, it still hurt. Eisuke and I had gotten close during our time together and even felt like barriers he had put up were beginning to cease. But enough was enough, I was tired of being labeled “plain,” “stupid,” and other things by people. I wanted to feel like a person of worth that could stand on her own two feet. I took Eisuke’s breakup announcement as my chance to run and do what I have always neglected to do, self-care and growth.

That day, I stood up my co-worker on a date, packed my bags with only my essential needs, emptied my savings jar and fled. I tried to be smart about it, ditched my identity, left the money Eisuke had deposited in account untouched, destroyed my phone, you name it. I knew the boys would eventually seek me out, but I needed time.

I had made a friend through Chisato who helped me create a new identity and assisted me with finding a small place to live in that was well hidden. Eventually, Gage, as he called himself, had me join a few of his friends. Together we formed a small “gang” of sorts. Our activities may have not always been on the legal side of things, but they are just and necessary.

We have become a family and enjoy working with each other, but I know that eventually I have to go back to my old life and start anew. I’m no longer that shy girl who followed others blindly and gave up so much of herself. I’m strong, in fact, I always was; I just never could find the time to build my confidence. Those days are gone and I’m ready for what I must face.

I wipe the sweat off my brow as I wait on top of this old, dilapidated roof and stare at my computer screen. Enough reminiscing, time for action. “Siren! It’s time!” I hear the command through my earpiece and enter a code in the computer. “Entered, security systems are down, including firewall. Lucy, begin download.” I give the command and hear “roger!” from my friend Lucy. A beeping sound goes off on my computer 2 minutes later and I know our time is up. “Alright everyone, it’s 2:00 a.m. and as planned they have caught on. My location has been made, initiating cleanup sequence, let’s roll!”

I pull a tab on my computer that I had installed to a small little bomb, which I had put together and crafted into my laptop’s hard drive earlier in the day. My 20 second countdown begins as I reconnect my harness to the rope and slide down to another rooftop across the way. I enter the stairs through the roof access and quickly make my way down. Through the windows of the stairwell. I can see dark figures running towards the building I just had been in. Goodbye jerks! I’m gone and out of sight.

I take dark alley ways and finally make it to my scooter and drive away. I’ve gotten so used to the adrenaline rush of it all that I don’t panic anymore. A few minutes later I make it to the warehouse with all the others.

“Siren! Great job girl! We got the assholes!” Gage comes up to me and high fives me as I dismount my scooter. I take off my helmet and breathe in the air, letting that wonderful feeling of accomplishment settle in.

“I can’t believe that we were able to pull it off this time! Did Lucy download all the files we needed?” I ask and Gage smiles widely, “that and more my friend. We found that the company has a connection to a crazy cult-like organization called AID. We will unleash the company’s doings to the media and let that fire start and take over. We have finally avenged Nyx!” He starts to do his little victory dance around my scooter as the rest of the gang shows up.

Nyx is a fellow member of ours that had been employed by a major corporation. She was great at her job and handled the accounting for her employer. Unfortunately, the corporation went under new leadership and things went awry quickly. Looking for a scapegoat, they shifted the blame on our friend that we refer to as “Nyx” and she was arrested and charged. Tonight, we took the information we needed to clear her name and set her free.

We all move to the day room area and take a beer in celebration relaxing on our old worn-out couch. “Siren, I think it’s time for you to also clear your name and face your destiny.” Gage whispers to me as he takes a seat next to me. Of course, the others pick up what we are talking about and quickly get excited. “Yes Siren! It’s time for you to conquer your love!” Lucy states happily. I laugh and throw a pillow at her from the couch. “I know, I know and I feel ready to go back and face it all; but remember, I must do it on my own."

We continue to talk about plans that we’ve all made since we got to the sanctuary. Gage is a computer programming specialist and professor in real life. He took us in, taught us everything we know about computers, hacking, etc. Some of us in the group specialize in other things and so we learned from each other how to fight (thanks to "Net”), weaponry (thanks to “Lucy), languages (thanks to "Nikia”) and the hotel industry/customer relations, thanks to yours truly.

We’ve kept our names a secret from each other in order to teach ourselves to protect our identities. Not once have we ever revealed our real names, except to the professor, Gage.

Each one of us had a rough patch in life and ended up here. Once we solve our past issues and restore our names, we move on with our lives with the promise to help others along the way. A “pay it forward” if you will.

After an hour of celebrating we begin to head out to go home and rest. Gage taps me on the shoulder and asks me to stay behind to talk. “Lisa, listen, it’s been a year for you already and I agree with the rest of the family, it’s time for you to face your past.” I had a feeling he wouldn’t let the topic slide. “I know Gage, and trust me, I’ve been working on it.” Gage smiles and motions for me to follow him to the kitchen area where he makes some coffee for the both of us. “I’m sure you have researched your friends plenty and have prepared."

"Yes, I sure have. With the information from tonight, not only do we have evidence to free Nyx, but I have evidence to help out one of my friends and expose some of the corruption in his workplace. I also have found some other information about my ‘ex’ that tells me there is danger up ahead.” Gage sits back and sighs. “Oh sweetheart, there’s so much going on with each one of those men. In fact, I just found out something…” he’s cut off by the sound of the ringer coming from my burner phone. I gasp and look at the professor. “Answer it, quickly!”

Chisato’s ID appears on the screen and I immediately pick up. “Siren! Listen to me please. They’re all gone. Eisuke, Mamo, Baba, Soryu and Ota. We all thought they were on a trip, but it’s been two days!” The news hit me like a cold shower. “Chisato, please, calm down. I’ll be there tomorrow afternoon. Take the chip out of that phone, break it and the phone and throw it away. Don’t worry.” The call ends abruptly and I take a deep breath and look at Gage.

“Told you Lisa, it’s time. Do you know who you are up against?” Without a doubt I do. I feel my blood rush and my fists tighten. “Gage, I can do it. The masked man, AID, many of these people that the guys have come up against have one person in common, the Prime Minister.” Gage smiles and leans forward holding my hands. “We’ll help you with the evidence to take him down. Your friends won’t see the connection because they’re dealing with the middle-man again.” “Gage, I don’t want to get any of you in trouble…” he pats my hands. “Lisa, you know we’ll be completely anonymous when releasing the information and helping you. We’ll all be worried about you going in to the line of fire, but you’re the most skilled in sneaking around and fighting. I know you can do this!” The professor stands up, gives me a kiss on the forehead and puts up our empty coffee cups.

“Gage, I can’t ever begin to pay you back for everything you’ve done for me. Thank you, thank you so incredibly much for taking me under your tutelage and helping me grow.” I bow to him and he laughs. “Lisa, you’ve helped many people while being in this group and this isn’t goodbye dear. I may be in my 50’s, but I’m not dying yet.” I laugh and attack him with a hug. “No one will die, I’ll make sure of it.”

He pats my back and releases me from the hug. “Okay sweetheart, go get some rest and get ready, tomorrow is another day!” ************************************ Back in Tokyo…. “Eisuke! Wake up, come on! Shake it off! Damn this shit!” Soryu curses as he struggles against his tight restraints. “S…Sor… what the fuck is going on?” States Baba as he begins to wake up from his drug induced stupor. “I don’t know, but it looks like we were all drugged at the party and here we are. Who the fuck could havd done this?”

“Maybe it was one of your gang rivals Sor” said Ota as he licked his dry lips and shook his head in an effort to re-stabilize his sight. “Not one of mine; this is not their typical ammo.” Rustling noises come from one of the corners of their dark enclosure. “Nah kid, at this stage, it could be either Baba or Eisuke’s enemies. What the actual fuck did they give us? My head is 'bout to rip the fuck open!” Groans come from the center of the room as Eisuke comes to. “What the fuck?” Soryu rolls his eyes, “we just established that part. Do you have any bad deals going on right now? Anything we should know?” Eisuke shakes his head and tries to re-moisturize his dry mouth. “The usual. Maybe that masked freak is at it again? Whoever it is, I wasn’t anticipating this, and usually I can see it a mile away. This is bigger.”

“For sure it wasn’t me. I’ve been in France for a month” said Baba. “Well, whoever the fuck it is, they have a flair for the dramatic. They should have just taken us out of the equation if they were able to get all of us.” stated Eisuke. The lights turned on and the mens’ eyes sting with the introduction of the harsh brightness. “So you are awake, perfect! I’ll notify the boss soon.” Said a man with a familiar voice as he entered the large warehouse area. The men re-adjust their sight and look upon their captor. “I called it! Masked dude it is!” said Ota. “Oh buddy, I’ve been nothing but a pawn in this and will continue to be to fulfill my boss’s every desire. Unfortunately, he’s been a busy body, so I will entertain you until he’s ready. Continue to enjoy your accommodations men, you’re here for the long haul.” The man laughs and quickly walks away leaving the bidders in their metal chairs with what seems to be mechanized handcuffs, the likes they had never seen before.

#kbtbb #kbtbbfanfic #eisuke #soryu #mamoru

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melindacoulson4 · 4 years

Text

Dose of reality

Post 7x09. Coulson bot needed a pep talk after the events of the time loop and who better to deliver one.

He may not be projecting emotions like a human but Melinda knew something was off.

Daisy had all but thrown herself at each of them. They'd all been killed. Coulson and Daisy had watched it happen over and over again. Enoch broke the cycle. It was a lot to absorb at one time. She couldn't imagine having to experience it first-hand. So she watched Daisy and Coulson carefully. Throughout the explanation, Daisy talked while Coulson sulked. His features were pinched. Clearly, he was bothered by the whole thing but the way he was hugging the wall sent out warning bells for everyone to back off.

Going quiet had been an indication of Phil's stress for as long as she'd known him. She supposed the LMD was no exception. Isolating himself wouldn't solve anything. The only way to deal with this would be to confront him head on. When she spied him heading away from everyone, she made her move. If she went around the lab she could cut him off. It was the best opening yet. She went quickly and made it to the next set of doors just before he did.

Upon seeing her, he halted. By the deep frown on his face she knew he was displeased. Every interaction before this point had been the complete opposite. Any other time he'd been desperate for even a shared glance between them. Now was more like a great disappointment at the sight of her. It was all the confirmation she needed.

When it became clear that he wasn't going to be making any attempts at conversation, she began her own. "Wanna tell me what's going on with you?"

His jaw pulsed. "Not particularly," he answered stubbornly.

"I can't help if I don't know," she said, fastening him with a withering stare. She could wait all night if she had to.

"You died. Seven times I watched your bones crack under Enoch's hands and I was powerless to stop it. And now he's gone for good so. I don't know, May. I don't know what to say, what to feel, what to do....None of it was real." He shrugged, feigning disinterest. "Like everything else around here so..." Abruptly he cut himself off like he meant to flee.

She remembered their time inside the lighthouse. When he'd come clean about how he'd been feeling. "I would turn to you," he'd said.

It was jarring to witness one of their own die. She couldn't give him all that he wanted, but she could be here for him. "But it was real to you."

"You should be with the rest of them." He gestured behind him, dismissing her openness.

"And you shouldn't?" She asked curiously, wondering what he was trying to say.

"How could I? They're celebrating being alive." A dull haze had settled over his eyes.

"You helped make that happen," she reminded him.

"What could I do? Drink a beer that I don't need? Thirst...breathing...feelings...It's all programmed into me." He shrugged.

That was true and had been ever since the moment he'd been turned on. So why was this an issue all of the sudden? "Where is this really coming from?"

His jaw set in a stubborn line as he hesitated to give her an answer. "The same thing that happened in that time storm will happen when all of this mess is over. Time will pass as it normally should. Years will go by and each of you will grow old, but I'll stay the same. You'll die and I'll still be here. What then?"

It was an answer that she didn't have. And frankly she couldn't say with confidence that any of them would make it back to their correct time. "Let's just make it through the next hour before thinking about the future."

"There's always another crisis. Another mission. I'm not supposed to be here. This isn't real. I don't want to be like this anymore." He spoke rapidly.

The words sounded too familiar. Like he was giving up just as Phil had in the beginning of the end. Feeling her own anger rise up, she shook her head. "You don't quit. Not now."

"Why not? As I recall you've been pretty hellbent on me not being around." He said, tone cold as ice.

She blinked, feeling like he'd delivered a punch to her gut. This was a rare habit of his. Lashing out when he didn't know how to handle a situation. Like he had when he thought she was hydra and again when she criticized him for acting suicidal. He would bottle up his feelings for so long until they all came out explosively. Always like a hard rain full of knives. She'd learned long ago not to take it personal. Now was not the time for a fight, so she brushed off his insinuation. "We need your help," she challenged.

"No, you don't." He shook his head. It was clear that he'd already made his choice.

"We do. Who better to help us with Shield's history against the chronicoms?" Was he just going to leave them hanging when that was his entire purpose in the first place?

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know....the zephyr," he said flippantly.

"This isn't the time for jokes."

"It's the truth. I'm nothing more than a glorified computer. I existed inside a TV for over a year," he tossed back.

"This is a team," she said slowly. "We-"

"You're right. But I'm not a part of it."

All he was doing was feeling sorry for himself. She wasn't going to entertain this. "We rely on you. All of us," she emphasized. If he disappeared again on Daisy. All of this had already been hard enough on her. They just experienced something together that no one else could ever truly understand. "What about Daisy?"

"You're not listening to me. Phil Coulson is a part of this team. But that's not me," he stated firmly.

Melinda was taken aback by the harsh nature of his tone. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean...it's time to stop pretending that this is normal." Hesitating, he took a deep breath. "You know I used to catch myself wondering what happened between you two in Tahiti. For me that time is nothing but a blank."

She looked at him sharply. Tahiti. And Phil. She heard her own voice sleep-laced and content ask, "What are you doing?" "I like watching you sleep," Phil had said back. They had both chuckled and went back to drinking their wine and simply being together. The reminder brought a heavy ache to her chest.

"But then I finally realized that's yours and his. I have no part in that," he told her.

She opened her mouth, but no words came out. She found that she couldn't argue. The memories of Tahiti were hers alone. She didn't think she would ever be comfortable sharing with him.

"I'm not him," he said, clearly resigned to that fact. "My last memory. Real memory where I had emotions not fed by ones and zeros by Simmons was when Aida had you. I can still feel the desperation he had to find you. And so I'm sure you feel the same way about him."

Her jaw pulsed. "There's nowhere for me to find him. He's dead," she snapped. She'd accepted that. Phil was gone and she wouldn't try to replace him with anything. Not with Sarge and not with an LMD.

"And I'm here, but I'll always be second to him in your eyes. You want me around, but need to keep me at arm's length and that's worse than any death sentence." His voice cracked. "I will never blame you for that. How could I?" He looked down, blinking away watery eyes. "Did he tell you how it felt to kiss your LMD? How the knowledge that she wasn't real ate away at him? How devastated he was?"

Phil had told her some of it. One night, as they shared the leftover Haig, it came out.

"Come on. It can't be that bad." She smiled, reclining back on her chair. She watched him. He'd grown solemn.

"I kissed her," he finally said.

Many things had floated through her mind at the time, but never that. She always just assumed her LMD had tried to murder him like he'd said.

"I had no indication that she wasn't you. No hint. All the while Aida and Radcliffe had you drugged and messed with. You could've been....dead and I would've had no idea. I'm so sorry Melinda." His eyes were teary as he finished.

She got up and sat on his lap. Feeling his solid form underneath hers. His hands automatically wrapped around her waist, yet he still couldn't look at her. "I don't blame you," she told him. "They messed with you just as much as they did with me."

Her hands went to his face. "Phil. Look at me." She swallowed hard. "It wasn't your fault. The past is the past. All that matters is that we're here now. Okay?"

"Okay," he quietly said in agreement.

She leaned forward and kissed him, pouring her heart into it. To show him what the real thing felt like. His hands roamed her back. Both of their bodies were warm from the drink. The heat of the night swirled around them. Shortly after, he broke away panting hard. He struggled to catch his breath. Concerned, she watched him steadily. Sometimes they got carried away and forgot. His eyes had stayed closed. All he could do was draw air into his lungs. After some time his breathing normalized. "Sorry," he said, all too apologetic.

"Don't be." She shook her head.

At first she thought she was imagining his hand in hers, but she looked down and it was there. Only it wasn't Phil, instead it was the LMDs. Warm and gentle all the same. The perfect duplicate of Phil. There was no indication that he wasn't really Phil and that was the part that killed her.

"This..." He delivered a light squeeze to her hand. "...will never be what either of us want." Only allowing them a small fraction of contact, he dropped his hold on her.

At the beginning she wanted him gone, but over time she realized she would rather have the LMD here than not at all. If he could help then who was she to deny him? But now he wanted to take himself out of the equation. "So what...you just want to give up?" She told herself she wouldn't morn him - a decoy with a simulated personality, yet here she was. Despite every instinct to hold back, a tear broke from her lashes and rolled down her cheek. It was all too much. She pushed it away hard. All of her pent up anger came out then. "No. I already went through this before. You want me to watch you die again? For what the tenth time?"

Taken aback, his mouth opened, but nothing came out.

Two could play at this game of his. She would give him what he wanted. The cold hard dose of reality that they both were facing. "This might not be what either of us wants but it's all we have. You can either sit here feeling sorry for yourself or you can do some good. Your choice."

With that, she sidestepped him and walked off.

#philinda #fic

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collecting-stories · 5 years

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Put it all on Me - Bucky Barnes

A/N: Not requested...just wanted to get back into writing some marvel stuff...it’s a lot stiffer than I would’ve liked but it’s been a while. 😬

///

“Here’s an idea...why don’t you listen to me since I have full visual and you’re compromised instead of insisting that ‘I know what I’m doing’.” You snapped, clicking away at the computer in front of you. Special Ops was not your cup of tea usually but the new system that had been developed required a trained hand. Or rather, you, because you had developed it.

“I know what I’m doing.”

“Brilliant.” You rolled your eyes, scanning over the monitors that had been set up in your make-shift control room.

“I don’t need full visuals, I’ve been doing this since before you were born.”

“Weirdest things to hear your boyfriend say to you for $500.” You replied and heard Sam laugh through the earpiece.

“Hey, could you get some of those visuals for me, I’m not afraid to admit when I need help.” Sam commented. You watched through the screen as he shifted positions to look around the corner.

“At least someone appreciates me,” you joked, pulling up Sam’s camera.

“Here we go.” Bucky commented and you could practically hear him roll his eyes at you.

“You’re clear in this room Sam, they’ve got someone stationed up ahead about 100 feet, left corner but there’s no visual for him. You’ll be fine to move.” You said, turning away from his monitor to glance at Bucky’s as you spoke. “You on the other hand-”

“I. Got. It.” Bucky snapped.

“I know now isn’t exactly ‘the time’ but did something happen that I should be aware of?” Sam asked, silently praying that neither of you actually had an issue. Or at least one that you wanted to talk about. Now really wasn’t the time and he hated playing counselor to your issues.

“It’s nothing Sam,” you replied, sounding like maybe it was something after all.

“Nothing? Good to know.” Bucky commented, annoyance in his voice.

“I didn’t mean, christ Buck, could we not right now?”

“Oh sure of course. Let’s not at all, how’s that?”

“Hey, could we maybe get back to the mission at hand?” Sam’s voice cut through your argument.

The mission, which had you tapping into security cameras in the main building of what Sam believed, according to intel, was housing past members of Hydra attempting to rebuild their ranks. Not something any of you could risk happening. Sam was less than thrilled about the mission and you had shown reluctance to be out in the field, though for good reason. The last time you had engaged in field work had been in Geneva and that had ended with you in the hospital from the fight with Bucky. One he was notably remorseful over.

It was the going out in the field for this that had him acting so standoffish. A massive argument that ended in you accusing him of not thinking you were capable of fieldwork. Though that was far from his mind.

“Why don’t you just apologize?” Sam attempted, once coms were off and the two of them were debriefing from the mission.

Bucky shot him a look, the same disgruntled one that Steve used to give him. Sam couldn’t decide who had picked it up from who but it looked fierce nonetheless. The scowl was deep set and Sam was held his hands up in surrender, not regretful that he had broached the topic but understanding that he had asked a little too soon. “I don’t have anything to apologize for,” Bucky finally said. “I was just being honest with her.”

“Honest or paranoid?” He asked.

“The last time we were out in the field she ended up in the hospital.” Bucky replied.

“So all those fears you’re projecting on her are yours. And you should be telling her about them...you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Bucky nodded.

“I’m serious man,” Sam said. He knew without a push Bucky would just let things dissolve further until they were irreparable. It was just the way he reacted sometimes.

Bucky knew Sam was right. You were good at your job and he should’ve told you that you were instead of acting like they were wrong in recruiting you. It was a shitty thing to do and it made him sound like he thought you were incapable of doing field work, something he knew wasn’t true. You were more than capable. And the more he thought about the way he acted the shittier he felt. There was nothing he could do while he was debriefing but afterward, once he’d changed out of the kevlar and showered he headed for his room, hoping that you would be there to talk.

You were, just where he thought, or hoped, you would be. You were sitting on the bed, reading something on your laptop when Bucky came in and you purposefully didn’t look up. If you were icing him without distancing yourself he could handle that. It meant that however upset, angry, or pissed you were you still wanted to talk to him, be with him.

“Hey,” he stopped at the foot of the bed, running a hand through his newly shortened hair.

When he had finally decided that the longer length was bothering him you had offered to cut it for him. You had three younger brothers and your mother had never wanted to spring for haircuts when the four of you were young because she was a hairdresser herself. So you had grown up with a working knowledge of how to cut hair and make it look presentable.

You had cut his hair post shower, while he sat on the edge of the bathtub, looking incredibly enticing in nothing but a towel. You had gathered the nearly shoulder length hair into your hands and tied it back in a low ponytail so that you could cut off the ends altogether.

“What if you cut off my ear or something?” Bucky had teased, pulling your hand around so he could kiss your palm.

“Maybe you could have them make you a vibrainium one.” You joked, fingers running through his hair to section it off. Bucky’s eyes fluttered closed at the feeling.

Positive physical interactions had taken him a lot longer to adapt to than he liked admitting. Steve had told him, after he’d first come out cryo, that it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of but that didn’t really make Bucky feel any better. It was frustrating that he flinched from the simplest touch. But in the months that he’d spent in Wakanda and after, once the snap had been reversed, he had improved. Not quite the boy he was in Brooklyn he wasn’t so adverse to affection anymore. Especially not yours. He sought it out, in fact. Smiling now as you kissed the top of his head.

That was nearly a month ago though. Now you sat, not a foot away, but making no attempt to give him any affection. He could practically feel the cold that was emanating from you.

“I know you’re pissed about earlier,” He tried again.

You looked up at him, anger evident, “am I? I built that system Buck...it’s supposed to keep the two of you safe when you’re out there and you wouldn’t listen to a single thing I said!”

“I’m sorry, I know I was an ass out there.”

“Do you or did Sam tell you that you were?”

“Both.” Bucky replied, skeptical but also hopeful. You were talking.

“I don’t like the field and you know that. But I didn’t tell you that so that you could second guess my ability to be out there. You and Sam were in infinitely more danger than I was but that is why I was there. To prevent that danger from turning into something worse. I built that system...I spent months perfecting it and to have you act like you didn’t need my help. What if something happened? If you didn’t listen and something happened? How selfish of you!” You shouted.

“I didn’t want to make you feel like that I was just annoyed that you had to be out there. I didn’t want you to be.”

“But I was.”

“I’m sorry.” Bucky sighed, hand going through his hair once more, “I’m just sorry. That I made you feel like I thought you didn’t belong out there. I don’t love you being out there but I know you’re more than qualified. And I won’t underestimate you next time.”

“I just want you to communicate with me next time and not embarrass me in front of Sam or anyone else. I don’t always love what you do but I certainly trust you to do your job well and come home at the end of the night.” You shut your computer and pushed it aside so Bucky could sit on the bed with you. He took your hand in his as you placed a kiss on his shoulder. “I hate fighting with you.”

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evwuniverse · 4 years

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When Your Laptop Catches Fire What do you do? Splurge and buy a new One.

Such a long story, but I'll try to keep it as short as possible for all of you lovely followers. I recently decided to splurge after all of my hard work for all of these years and never once buying something I wanted with my money. I bought myself an Alienware laptop and an Oculus Rift S. However, I didn't buy these things willingly. Of course, something always has to happen for me to make big purchases such as these.

About a week ago, I was sitting on the couch, minding my own business, and working on my students' grading course work. For those who are unaware, I'm a Middle school teacher. My laptop started to smoke; for me, this is honestly a regular occurrence after about five years of owning a laptop. The issue is I've only had this laptop for almost three, so this was unexpected and out of the ordinary for my device to be doing this while not even hitting the five-year mark. My laptop was a 2018 version of the Acer Predator Helios 300, considered a budget gaming laptop, and I loved it. It was my first gaming laptop I ever bought for myself (during Black Friday) because I'm broke and usually don't buy things unless it's for a relatively reasonable price. Consider me stingy with my money and a bargain hunter. Who could blame me? I'm a teacher.

Anyway, when it started smoking from past experienced, I unplugged my charger, took the battery out immediately, and carried it outside to the sidewalk. This is not my first time dealing with my laptop, either catching fire, exploding, or having some dangerous wild episode. I'm just unlucky with technology, but it taught me how to deal with an electrical fire, which's always a great thing. Right? It was still smoking, so I backed away from it, with the battery out and not being plugged in, it even caught fire. I'm not sure what happens to my computers towards the end of their life, but this tends to happen quite often. I just sat and watched it. The flames controlled but charbroiling my laptop to a crisp. I almost wish I took a video, but of course, this is not the first thing on my mind when attempting not to start a fire in my own house. This is also not my first rodeo with laptop explosions and fires. I watched it burn while calling the fire department. Because let's be honest, you never put out an electrical fire with water, and I'm not trained to put out electrical fires.

They came, put out the fire, and my poor laptop laid there helplessly... How am I supposed to grade and play my Steam games now? Of course, I immediately took to the internet on my phone without a laptop or computer to use. I, of course, needed to buy a new one; Labor Day sales were happening. Not as good as Black Friday, but hey, a sale is a sale. So I splurged. Dell has sales on their Alienware's randomly now, and I think it's because of COVID, but they also had a sale going on during Labor Day. They had the specs of one that is usually USD 2,000 for about $1,750 with an Oculus Rift S. It was some bundle. I probably could have spent more money and upgraded the RAM, which is perhaps the only thing I would've upgraded, but the type of casual gamer I am, I didn't need high-end specs to be happy with my purchase. So I went for the bundle with the laptop and the Rift S. Of course, this was just before the Oculus Quest 2 came out. Oh well!

Let's be honest, though. I delved into VR once before with my Oculus Go. A starter VR headset used when sitting and mainly for entertainment. This means light gaming from the Oculus Go store and applications such as Bigscreen beta, which I love, Netflix, Hulu, Facebook, and Web browsing. I loved my experiences while using the Oculus Go, so I already knew having an actual gaming PC and Oculus headset to play VR software's and game titles that are popular on Steam and the Oculus store itself was something I was looking forward too. In my next post, I will be discussing my adventures while using my VR headset and what I love and don't love about my purchases.

I hope you all enjoyed my story. Until next time.

Ellie

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aspiestvmusings · 4 years

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Personal, unpopular opinion on grief [ZEP S1 EDITION]

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SENSITIVE TOPICS: GRIEF & DEATH OF LOVED ONES. DO NOT READ IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT NOT HANDLE READING ABOUT SUCH TOPICS.

This post was inspired by ZEP (”Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist” & the Season 1 storyline...that is related to Zoey’s dad, Mitch & what’s we all knew would happen..soon/in the S1 finale. His death. And the grief.., other characters feelings about what’s to come and (now) what’s happened.

In this post I will discuss some of the things related to grief that the show/storyline (creator, writers) talk about, and that the cast talk about. How they talk about grief. And I will discuss some of the things related to death & grief...from my personal experience.

But first, I'd like to start with a few important points:

1. All humans (and all fictional characters) are different. So we all process things differently & act differently...in same/similar situations. This also applies to grief and grieving, and feelings about life & death. These characters way of dealing with grief is “valid”, and so is mine. But its just strange that only one POV seems to be represented on the show...mostly (and yes, we see it all through Zoey’s eyes, so it’s her POV that dominates)

What would have worked better on ZEP... IMO:

What I would have appreciated from the show is for them to show both sides more. To have characters express different views on grief, and death. More, and longer than they did with Deb in 1x11 & Howie’s speech to Zoey in 1x12. It would’ve been more believable if not everyone was seeing it the same way...if there’s been counter-arguments.

Like...regarding the idea that only someone, who has had the exact same experience (lost their dad/husband), would understand you/your grief. They really hammered that “truth” with Zoey/Simon grief connection. And even a bit with Zoey finding another widow, Deb, to talk to her mom...cause she herself hadn’t lost a husband of 30+ years...so she would not understand (but, really, it’s more about her inability to deal with/express her emotions, and hiding them, and needing help with understanding others emotions...which her new sperpower is supposed to help her with]. They also had the whole family deal with it all pretty similarily.

Just have one character tell Zoey that she doesn’t need someone with the same experience to have them understand her, and support her, and help her through this. That having the same experience does not automatically mean “instant connection”. Because...every death/experience is different, and so are Zoey’s & Simon’s...so it doesn’t even make sense to me that they’d automatically connect cause both lost their fathers. Why did no one point that out to her? Why did no one ever pose a counter argument?

And why does she/the show seem to think that no one else has the same experience and/or would understand? I mean...most adults have lost someone by the time they turn 25... so if we’d get to know the characters more, we’d probably learn all of them have lost someone (maybe not a parent, but perhaps a grandparent?) They did that...a bit..with Joan & her mom story in 1x10. But again... too little, too “late”. She would’ve really needed to hear those things...sooner. Realizing that she can connecct to others...and others can connect to her. That all it takes is someone who wants to help her...and be there for her... whether they have the same experience or not. (maybe Tobin has lost someone, and it would’ve been helpful for Zoey to connect to him/talk to him?

This made it really hard (read: impossible) to “get” their grief bond, or take it “seriously”: Because the idea that no one questioned this just seemed ..strange. Sure..Zoey definitely believes this to be true, but... for no other character to question the validity of it... just seemed... too... strange. And since I personally don’t think that one needs to have the same experience to understand other person, and be the shoulder they lean on...but that instead it just takes someone who knows you and wants to be there for you... it was difficult to buy the whole “grief bond” they were selling.

Which is probably why I never got their “connection”. And only saw it as lust from both sides, and just her/them displacing their greif...and nothing more. So that...and the fact that as human as having feelings for someone else while youre engaged is, I DO NOT support the storyline which tries to say that just because Simon is hot it’s ok for him to have an emotional affair with Zoey while he’s engaged. That somehow the hotness factor makes it OK, cause it’s “very human”, and “grief made him do it”. Nope...I’d quote Mo here, just replacing “powers” with “grief”. Mo’s words to her “Don’t blame the powers grief. This one’s all on you.” apply here...IMO. They both need to do better!

And I also had a hard time “believing” that a brain-person like Zoey (she’s a coder, problem-solver) would be so irrational, and even though she’s also presented as “a hot mess kind of person”, her irrationality & behaviours just seemed not something I’d expect from someone like her. I, too, see world s black & white. So this is why to me two options remain: either she is just shouting cichees & lies to others OR she is out-of-character (by choice, not cause of grief or powers). I mean... she understood issues with grief and gave great advice to Simon since ep 1...yet she herself did the opposite. She made all the mistakes he had made (not learning from him, but choosing the same wrong route, not taking her own advice: talk to someone..etc).

For me, personally, I cannot “connect” with the characters (Clarke family...or the showrunner, whose said that his experiences/feels are represented by the characters) and their grief, even though I’ve had similar exprience (with my dad ... though it wasn’t a rare disease, but cancer). But no two people, not two different deaths are similar. And I guess I (and my family) are less emotional & more logical...when it comes to topics of life & death. Our (and especially mine) view is more like the other option Howie, the caregiver, presented to Zoey as they ate ice cream and talked about what’s to come..in the S1 finale.

I have, in general, a hard time buying the show, because I’m just too logical and brain person, and this is still a TV show...even if it’s based on real life events. It’s still adapted, and fictional elements have been added...to fit it for screen. So... since it was hard for me to believe that in all the prior months...ever since Mitch had been diagnosed... no one had really done any of the things they all suddenly came up with...

Like realizing there are ways to communicate with Mitch ( or...try to communicate with him)...even if he can’t really speak or move. Suddenly Zoey has an idea to create a computer programme which lets her dad type his messages. Like..she’s smart, and tech savvy...and in no way do I find it believeble that she’d not thought of this before she got her superpower...and was motivated only by hearing his thoughts. Did no doctor inform them about the details of her fathers condition? Did everone claim he is already unable to understand speech etc...with 100% certainty? Did none of them just try to talk to him...etc...without being sure he can hear/understand...still? You know...like they encourage talking to people in coma, for example.

Like...coming to the idea of a chairlift...before Mitch actually fell..while being helped up the stairs. What did they do all the prior months? When he’d already lost the ability to walk? When he still was able to talk? For a family that is so close, I find it quite unbelievable that they never talked about...anything. Even if they touched upon this in episode 1x11 when Zoey asked Maggie why they didnt do any of the planning sooner, she claims none of them expected it to happen so fast. Like...their doctor seems OK, so how are they so uninformed? When we know that Zoeys style is to read up on all the topics she wants to know about. She would read all the research there is...so she’d know... quite a bit.

Like them thinking that a temporary improvement means a “cure”. None of them are clueless, they’re all smart, so I don’t also buy them not knowing that this is progressive, and there is no cure, and after the person loses as many abilities as Mitch had by the time we met this family (hard to swallow, no speech...), then they don’t have much time left. Same with these smart people not knowing that based on several observations... most people report that dying people usually become “alert/more responsive”..just before the end. So... Mitch having a good day the day before he died was a clear sign he’s about to die.

Like...if we actually analyse it, it seems as if they “stood still” for months...ever since Mitch was diagnosed. And then suddenly...”thanks” to Zoey’s superpower, they start getting ideas, and do stuff, and talk to each other... which doesnt seem to have happened...at all... during all the prior months. How?

It just seems too much “done to fit the TV format”, and it doesn’t seem to make much sense...actually...

MY OWN EXPERIENCES:

I lost my first grandfather when I was a kid & he was only in his 60s (so quite young). That was an unexpeted & sudden event that no one saw coming (example: heart attack, stroke). I lost my other grandparents when I was in my 20s (they both lived a full life: 84 & 92...and were ready to go) & I lost my last grandma last year (she was almost 89...and outlived her husband by around 25 years)...after her health had been declining... for a while. And I lost my father about 3 years ago (he was in his 60s)... knowing he had max 6 months left by then.

I will talk, a bit, about my dad, who died 3 years ago, in 2017, and my finnish grandma, who died last year...just a month before her 89th birthday.

**************************************

With my dad... I had kinda lost him once before, because 5 years earlier he had a serious health issue, and his heart stopped on the operating table. But he was revived. And though he was in a coma for over a week, he did survive, and had no permanent damage. He had to go through extensive physiotherapy and learn to walk properly again, and hold a spoon again (fine motorskills), but his mind/brain/memory was unharmed. But...nonetheless, I sat beside him while he was in a coma, and I sat beside him after he had woken up...

That health issue lead to his cancer diagnosis though...cause without it he’d never gone to see a doc on his own, and wouldn’t have known, probably. He was stage 3 when diagnosed, and though he tried all kinds of different treatment options, it progressed to stage 4 (that’s what lifetime of smoking does to your lungs!), and by 2016 he had metastasis in his spine..etc, and it was clear he had months/max a year left. It was a guesswork though how long exactly.

But his medicine cabinet was more impressive than Mitch’s by the end. It got more serious at the end of 2016, and he basically survived with extra oxygene (help from a “ventilator”) & “morphine”. He probably would’ve kept himself alive for several more months, but he had a health issue in January 2017, and his body was just too weak (from chemo, from treatments from...) that he didn’t make it this time. And though I/we had longer than a year to “prepare”, these fictional characters also had time...

Yet, for me, personally, that death was not as hard. (in all honesty, I’d been expecting his cancer diagnosis since I was in highschool... I honestly couldn’t believe he had any lungs left...with his heavy smoking)

*****************************************

For me, personally, the hardest was my other grandma’s end of life.. The one who died last year. But not the death...but her last years instead. And though my first grandma (who died almost 15 years ago) had memory issues during her last years, cause she’d had 2 stokes & she kept mixing up people & events (calling people by wrong name, mixing us up), she had my grandpa by her side...til the end. But with my other grandma... whose health had been declining...step by step..over past 5-10 years, it was different. To the point that my aunt/her daughter was her guardian, cause she wasn’t capable of making her own decisions anymore... even if at times she had a clear mind. And one of those times was her last, 88th Birthday in 2018.

She never vebalized it...never was able to say the words (though she did talk... a bit), but I could see it in her eyes/look... she wanted to go... but “modern medicine” was keeping her body alive. And for me it was hard, because I am a supporter of a persons choice to choose assisted ending, but I’m the only one in the family who really supports this. And since she never actually said the words, and since I could not be 100% sure that what I thought I “read in her eyes” was what she was actually thinking, I could not be sure. But I considered her last 1-2 years of life just torture for her. So... as sad as I was, I was relieved when I got the call a year ago, on May 26th (exactly one month before her next birthday would’ve been)...that she’d died, I was happy that she “didn’t have to suffer anymore”. We scattered her ashes one month later, in last June, on what would have been her 89th birthday.

If my mom and aunt, who were there with her during her lasts days, would have told me the day before how “perky” she seemed the day before she passed, I would’ve known that it’s about to happen. But they told me when they called after it had happened.

Death has never been something to fear in our family. My grandparents (their story is like a fairytale, where after she was gone he had "no reason to hold onto life anymore”, so he went just 4 months later...) even prepped everything themselves. They were prepared, though Mo on the show is more prepared. They had everything chosen & organized & planned (the plot, the main details), so everything was done according to their “notes” basically. With others it’s been more general...like where (which cemetary) they wanna be buried and/or cremated.

Yes, there is a lot under the (and etcetera)...from dealing with subsciptions on the persons name... to the bank... to job related stuff... next to the actual “burial event”. And while a good funeral home helps you a lot... and does a lot of the work for you (transportation...etc), then there is a lot that you/the family have to do before/after all this. But still... it’s not that difficult to get it all done. I did half the work when my dad died (lots of calls, emails, visits to offices/banks...etc).. to deal with all the paperwork and more.

I understand that I may sound like a cold person to many, but in my experience death & funerals have never been “end of the world”...like they’re often done on TV. Cause in most cases they only show death & grief in one way on TV.... as “end of the world drama”. When we need more POV’s like the other option Howie represented to Zoey. (and then the characters can choose which was is their way)

So...honestly, I have a hard time “connecting” with the ZEP season 1 grief plot....the way it was done. Even though I can draw many parallels between Mitch(’s health) & my dad(’s health). We knew that he had not much left, but he ended up going faster & “unexpectedly” so he was gone about a month after his health took a turn to the worse...and we had known that all there was left to do was to wait...

And yet, based on most of the online comments, reviews, etc..I’ve seen online, most find it easy to connect, and “feel the same way” and I seem to be alone in my “weirdness” and different look at the grief and greif storyline.

AM I ALONE IN THINKING THIS WAY? (MOST LIKELY)

Did anyone else find it hard to believe the Zoey/SImon “grief connection” they tried to establish?

Did anyone else find it hard to believe that such a close family had just been sitting & waiting for months (ever since last year, when Mitch was diagnosed), and not done anything....until Zoey’s superpower makes them magically start taking all sorts of steps?

Did anyone think that the focus was not enough of the family, da/daughter, and grief...and too much on the love triangle? (even if the two storylines are connected...strongly)

#ZEP #ZOEY'S EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST #ZOEYS EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST #ZOEY'S EP #PERSONAL #UNPOPULAR OPINION #GRIEF #DEATH AND GRIEF #ZEP SEASON 1 #ZEP S1 #SEASON 1 #MY THOUGHTS #ABOUT ME #I WISH I WOULD NOT ANALYSE AND DISSECT EVERY DETAIL ON TV SHOWS...#IT IS WHAT IT IS #LONG POST #TEXT POST

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kissmetae · 6 years

Text

Chase

x Taehyung

❧ AU: The second you left, he knew he had made the biggest mistake of his life.

Your plane had taken off without him waving you off, without him confessing his feelings, without saying goodbye…

You’d be back in a few months… but he wouldn’t survive the pain and guilt that long...

He had to go after you…

A crazy idea, but for being crazy in love, it was completely sane.

He gets on the next first flight and flies back and forth over Europe chasing you, the love of his life… to confess.

|| ANGST + smut | 10k | x reader ||

❧ Disclaimer: This is fiction. Actions and events in these stories are often exaggerated and to a certain degree unrealistic. Please have this in consideration when reading fiction, especially if it includes sexual content.

❧ Rating: MATURE | sexual content, unprotected sex

❧ A/N: I’m very proud of this AU, please excuse any unnoticed mistakes, three keys are missing from my keyboard now hehe, this gets very soft despite being heart clenching... enjoy the mini geography lesson!

He was going crazy.

He was sure about it.

No sane person would go as far as to his measures.

He was out of his mind, a mind that was fogged by a single large regret.

He was running, running as fast as he could, almost bumping into people and buildings, risking his life.

He was sitting on one of the benches in the changing room, tears streaming down his face. You must hate him, he thought. He looked at the time on his phone, 40 minutes ago…

40 minutes ago he knew he had made the biggest mistake of his life.

He threw his phone on the floor, hid his face with his hands and leaned back against the lockers.

The door to the changing rooms opened and Taehyung quickly turned away and down, to hide his face.

He sniffed. He could blame it on a cold…

“Taehyung… are you ok?” A familiar voice asked.

Taehyung looked back up and saw the concerned face of his best friend.

Jimin placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Taehyung what’s wrong?” He asked, panicked.

He couldn’t speak. If he opened his mouth his words would be drowned by his tears. Instead he just stood up and hugged his best friend tightly, in seek of his comfort.

Jimin quickly realized that there was no point of asking more questions until he had calmed down.

It took a long while before his heavy heart could feel lighter.

Jimin stepped back after a while, panicked for his friend.

“Tell me what happened!” He begged, urging Taehyung to sit back down with his hands.

“She left.”

“Yes? I thought you were fine with it?”

He shook his head, tears still streaming down his red cheeks.

Jimin took a seat next to him and put his arm around him.

“Talk to me.”

“She asked if I could wave her off Jimin… and I said no-“ He sniffed.

“No? Why did you say no?”

“Because I knew it would break me!”

Jimin looked confused.

“I couldn’t stand the fact that she’d be away for so long… I just couldn’t… and I didn’t want to stop her I…”

“Taehyung it’s alright, you can always face time right?” Jimin tried to comfort.

“She’ll be in another time zone and she’ll be busy…”

“But she’ll be back.”

“That’s not it…” Taehyung cried out.

“Then what’s the matter?”

“I love her…”

Jimin looked surprised.

“You love her?”

He nodded, heart feeling heavier than ever.

“I don’t know if she feels the same way, but I’ve been hiding it for so many years Jimin! I’m going crazy! I can’t even tell her and now she’s going away and she’ll meet other people and I… I’ve lost all my chances!”

“Taehyung calm down!”

“It hurts!” He hid his face in his hands again.

Jimin patted his back, not knowing what to do.

“Can’t you call her?”

“Her plane took off 40 minutes ago…”

“Later?”

“I can’t tell her over the phone Jimin…”

“Then go visit her?”

Taehyung looked up at Jimin.

“But she’s moving around from place to place, I don’t know where she’ll be or when…”

“Then just ask her.”

“But then she’ll suspect it! I can’t Jimin, I just can’t. It’s too much; she’ll think I’m crazy.”

“Aren’t you?”

The plane had two levels.

You looked out from the window in the terminal at the giant vessel.

How could it possibly fly?

You hoped you’d have a seat on the upper level and maybe that would cheer you up a little.

This was the largest business trip one could possibly have ever agreed on. Were you crazy?

Probably.

For a few months you’d be travelling around in Europe, meeting various businesses who were owned by the business you worked for and basically familiar yourself with them and check that they meet the global standard that was required. It was an honor to be asked to represent the company in such a big mission and at first you were hesitant towards accepting the offer… but you would return.

The return would be your comfort when times were tough.

When you returned, you would’ve have pocketed a large sum of money that came with the mission as well.

Travel around was something you’d always wanted to do and the various businesses would for sure show you around and introduce you to their cultures… but you were still upset.

The fact that your best friend hadn’t waved you off… hurt.

You wouldn’t be seeing him for months… and he didn’t come to say good bye?

Did you not mean more to him?

Your comfort was that this trip would help your feelings die down.

You didn’t know why it had taken you so long to realize how much he meant to you and how in love you were… suppressed feelings had spilled over the rim and your heart had begun to ache.

His smile made you blush and his eyes made your knees weak when they looked your way…

He was causing you trouble! Clouding your mind constantly, intruding on your dreams and making you long for something so close, but felt so far away.

He meant the world to you.

Maybe not having him say good bye was for the better… because he was the only reason you’d stay.

You had been gone for three days now.

Taehyung had received a text, informing him that you were safely on the ground, making his heart sting with even more guilt.

“I’m glad, come back soon!” Was his response.

A big lie.

His heart screamed “Come back now! Come back! Don’t leave me here without you! I’ll come get you if you don’t come back! Please!”

He knew your first destination was Italy.

His fingers moved over the keys on his laptop, looking up what flight could take him to Italy the soonest… In case he’d want to visit… soon.

Long transits… 16 hours, 23 hours even 31 hours…

Why was it suddenly so complicated to fly to Italy!?

He slammed his laptop shut.

“How long are you going to be in Italy?” He typed out and hit send.

He looked at the time, you should be up by now…

“I’m in Denmark!”

What!?

“Denmark? I thought you were going to Italy?”

“I did! I flew to Denmark last night!

Taehyung opened his laptop again and edited his search to Denmark.

“Tomorrow I’m flying to Estonia!”

Estonia!? Taehyung pulled a hand through his hair in frustration.

This was going to be impossible.

“Just book the ticket to Estonia and wait for her there!” He yelled at himself.

… two stops

2 hour transit… followed by 18 hours.

He clicked book.

18 hours in Finland? Maybe he would make it… The flight would be tomorrow and if you wouldn’t stay there long, maybe he could take a train or boat or even rent a car and drive to Estonia?

His phone dinged.

-E-ticket confirmation-

“What did I just do?”

You were having dinner with the people from the business you were visiting at one of the most renowned restaurants in Tallinn, Estonia’s capital city.

During the morning you had participated in a few meetings and then been shown around the facility. It was a lot of information to take in and take notes of but in the afternoon you’d have time to look around the city before dinner and relax, which you did.

When you returned to the hotel later that evening you posted some pictures you had taken of the city on Instagram. As your finger hit post on the last photo your phone suddenly rang.

You had to fly back to Italy, ASAP.

Your company had booked you onto the first flight the next morning. You were meant to take a flight to Prague in two days! Those two days leading up would’ve been your first two days off since leaving!

You felt stressed and quickly clicked into your messaging app and began typing out a long rant to Taehyung to ease your mind.

The young woman working behind the counter jumped when Taehyung suddenly accidently slammed his passport on the counter.

“What’s the next flight to Prague from here?” He panted, out of breath.

She began typing on her computer.

Taehyung had been waiting 4 hours now instead of 2.

His flight was delayed.

A miracle or else he would’ve seen your text when he was in Finland.

“There’s a flight tomorrow at six.”

“I want it.”

“Don’t you want to know the price?”

He already put his card in the machine.

“It doesn’t matter.”

She told him the price but he didn’t take in any of the information she was giving.

All he wanted were his new tickets and something to eat.

“Can you cancel my connection to Helsinki?”

“It’s not refundable sir.”

“I know, just give the seat to anyone who needs it.” He said, took his ticket and left.

While eating at the first appetizing place he could find he studied his ticket.

“First class.”

He rolled his eyes.

Money wasn’t an issue, all he wanted was to get to you and tell him he was sorry…

and that he loves you.

His phone suddenly rang.

Jimin.

“Hello.”

“Taehyung what the fuck!?”

He had seen his text…

“I know…”

“You’re crazy, where are you?”

“Amsterdam.”

You tried to call Taehyung but you only got sent to voicemail.

Was his phone off?

You sighed.

You missed him.

You wanted to hear his voice.

The emergency in Italy was solved and you were now waiting at the airport in Rome to board your flight that would take you directly to Prague and then to Kiev.

The visit in Prague was moved on their behalf and thus your company immediately put you on the next flight to Ukraine instead. The route they booked just so happened to have a short transit in Prague.

Guess you’d see what that city had to offer in the next coming weeks instead…

You looked at the time and wondered what Taehyung could be doing at this time… Maybe he had just woken up? Was eating breakfast or dinner? Your tired head couldn’t come around to figure out what the time was for him… Stop thinking about him! You yelled in your head.

You boarded your flight and it quickly took you to Prague.

You sent a text to Taehyung, hesitating at first but you promised you’d always let him know whenever you were back on the ground.

“In Prague, flying to Kiev in an hour and a half. Last minute change :/”

Taehyung immediately turned off flight mode when the plane landed, seeing your text.

-20 minutes ago-

His heart began to beat hard.

You were here! You were in the same place!

He practically ran off the plane and sent a thought of thanks to the woman in Amsterdam for booking him first class, scoring him a seat in the very front of the plane.

He ran to the first monitor he could find, searching frantically for the flight to Kiev.

He found it.

Gate H61.

He looked around at the signs, but no sign pointed towards any gates beginning with H.

Confused he ran towards the duty free store and asked the cashier.

“Sorry do you know where gate H61 is?”

“It’s in Terminal three.”

“What terminal is this?”

“Terminal one.”

“Thank you.”

He followed the signs towards the terminal three, running.

He looked like a mess but he didn’t care.

He reached the final sign… in front of a passport control.

“Fuck…” He mumbled.

He approached the border police hesitantly and handed them his passport.

“Where are you travelling?”

“I- I just arrived.”

The border police handed him his passport back.

“The exit is to the left and down the stairs, follow the signs.”

“No, I- I need to get in here.”

“Sir, you can’t. You need a valid boarding pass for me to let you through.”

“Why isn’t the Kiev flight at the other terminal?”

“Because it’s outside of the Schengen area sir.”

Taehyung took his passport with his head hung low in defeat.

He walked over to one of the nearby benches and sunk down on it.

He sniffled and took his phone out of his pocket.

“Taehyung I tried to call you! Are you going to sleep soon? Is the weather nice?”

You heard a low sniffle from the other end.

“Yeah… I’m going to sleep soon.” He said, followed by a low chuckle.

His tone sounded weird…

“Is everything ok?”

“I-I’m ok, I just wanted to hear your voice.” He bit his lip, holding back his tears and leaned back against the wall behind the bench.

Hear your voice?

Your heart beat increased.

He wasn’t going to make it easy for you, was he?

“I missed your voice.” You confessed, lowering your voice.

He chuckled.

“I miss you so much, when will you come home?”

“4 months.” You sighed.

“It’s so long.”

“I know… Can we switch to face time? I want to see you.”

“Ah, but I look messy.”

“I don’t care, I want to see you.”

“Just- just wait a little.”

He panicked and stood up from the bench. He looked around and the border police gave him a weird look from their booth. Taehyung spotted a sign for the bathroom and quickly ran towards it with his bag.

“Ok.” He said, seated in one of the stalls.

He accepted the request and put his headphones in.

You smiled widely at the sight of him and he smiled back.

“You don’t look messy!” You giggled.

“I need a shower.”

“Are you sleeping enough?”

“The past nights have been rough.”

“You look tired.” You pouted. “Why were they rough?”

“I don’t know, maybe I’m just stressed. Don’t worry.”

“Of course I’ll worry.”

He smiled sweetly, admiring you.

“Where are you going next?” He asked.

“Norway! I’m really excited. I’m only staying a night in Kiev but I’ll be staying longer in Oslo and I’ll finally have some free time so I can rest!” You said excitingly.

“Oslo? It’s nice there.”

“I’m excited!”

“Will you wait for me there… if I visit you?”

You looked surprised.

“Will you visit me?”

You never thought he would…

Taehyung suddenly flinched and the call ended.

His heart was racing.

He was quick to react.

“Final call Iceland air flight-“

He sighed.

The tune before the announcement could’ve exposed him…

You were calling back.

With a heavy heart he denied the call and switched his phone off.

He left the stall and walked out of the bathroom.

-Dun dun-

“Personal call for passenger-“

He sighed and began following the signs for the exit. Book a flight to Oslo and take in at a hotel for the night and freshen up and sleep. That was his new plan.

He walked past a tiny café on his way out and glanced over it when he suddenly froze, heart stopping.

There was a glass wall in front of the café, the only way in was via the passport control…

You were there.

Sitting at one of the tables with an empty plate in front of you and your phone in your hands… crying.

You wiped the back of your hand across your cheek and put your phone down.

He quickly escaped out of your sight, holding his fist pressed against his mouth, desperate to stop the tears that were welling up.

Why were you crying?

Was it his fault?

You were there all the time…

He wanted to run to you, run and comfort you, hold you close and kiss every tear away… but he couldn’t.

You thought he was in Korea.

He had lied to you.

He looked back at you, wishing you’d accidently see him… force him to explain… but his legs managed to carry him the way to the exit.

Taehyung walked with a heavy heart out of the airport, passing by the ticket offices and neglecting them.

“I’ll just book it on my phone…” He thought.

All he wanted was to shower and lie down now.

He searched up the nearest hotel on his phone and luckily there was an airport hotel right nearby.

“Do you have any rooms available for one night?”

“We do! Would you like a single or double room?”

“Single please.”

“That’s 1600 koruna for one night. Can I borrow your passport and credit card please?”

Taehyung handed the receptionist what he asked for.

A short while later he was handed them back together with a room key.

“Breakfast is included and is served in the room behind you between 6am and 10am.” The receptionist smiled and gestured towards the dining room.

“Thank you.”

Why wouldn’t he pick up!? Did his phone die?

A second more and you would’ve started considering going back home until he hinted on visiting you.

You wanted to call him back again and convince him to come visit you! You wanted him here with you and for once it felt like he really was there and then suddenly he wasn’t.

You gave up.

Your feelings weren’t going to go away, not like this.

A tear escaped your eye and ran down your cheek.

You cursed silently.

Why did your heart have to love him of all people…?

A dumb question.

But this was breaking your heart and you needed to board your flight soon.

The bed felt soft against his bare back.

Taehyung lied down on the bed with a towel wrapped around his hips after his long shower.

He reached for his phone and began to click through to the booking site.

The shower helped him calm down and collect his thoughts.

All he needed now was a good night’s sleep and everything would be ok. He convinced himself.

One night meant you’d be on your way to Norway tomorrow…

-No flights available, please check other dates-

The day after tomorrow…

There was one flight, late.

He quickly booked it.

Two nights in Prague… and getting up there another way would be a hassle. He didn’t know what trains to take and driving was the last thing he would want to do alone in a foreign country.

The meetings in Kiev were long and you were hungry.

The bosses of the company did their very best to impress you and it all sounded good but on an empty stomach it was hard for you to concentrate.

You knew that if you mentioned lunch, lunch would be served. The places you had visited so far showed a concerning amount of respect towards you, almost as if they were intimidated by you… which they should be, but you’re a human too. Sure you represented a large company that had the upper hand of all of them, a bad impression on you could cause them so much trouble but so far you hadn’t stumbled upon anything besides the incident in Italy that was of concern.

The host of the meeting announced a five minute break and you took your chance. You approached the older man and asked him when lunch would be served and suddenly the schedule was shifted.

The other participants looked confused for a moment when he suddenly announced that he meant lunch instead, not a five minute coffee break.

On your way to the cafeteria in the building you fished your phone out of your pocket and had a quick glance.

No missed calls.

Your heart sunk in your chest.

But now wasn’t the time to concern yourself about him, you were here for work.

You shrugged the thoughts of Taehyung off.

Forget him.

Taehyung walked around the city, admiring the old buildings and taking a few photos.

He brought his camera along… just in case. He was happy and thankful for his decision.

While in the center of town he also stopped by a few shops to by himself some more and warmer clothes. Strolling through the streets he couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to be here with you… You could go sightseeing together, hold hands, do some fun shopping and go to nice restaurants, take cute couple photos by the river… look at the old castle…

He felt lonely.

Should he call you?

He decided no and instead called Jimin while walking back towards the bus stop to get back to the airport hotel.

Jimin didn’t pick up.

Not a surprise considering that it was in the middle of the night over there.

If he called you, you’d know that it was in the middle of the night…

He got on the bus and put his headphones instead to listen to some music. He scrolled through Instagram during the bus ride and came across your photos from Estonia and now Kiev.

He liked them and realized a second later that you’d see that he had.

“Fuck… never mind.” He sighed.

Your head hit the pillow hard after the long day.

Despite being tired you had agreed on following them out for a late night outing only to then leave it early and excuse yourself with that your flight was early the next day, when it in fact was mid-day.

Your feet were aching and resting on the bed was such a relief.

You felt stressed and exhausted, but your feed made it look like you were having the best of times seeing all these places.

Your phone lit up every now and then from the few like of your photos of Kiev and to your surprise you saw Taehyung’s name among them.

“Shouldn’t he be sleeping?”

You quickly sent him a text.

“Are you awake?”

After a longer while he finally responded.

“I am.”

“I can’t sleep :(”

“Your sleeping troubles are worrying me. Do you drink tea before bed? It might help”

“I’ll try it. Don’t worry about me though.”

Whenever he told you not to worry while you were worrying, it made you feel frustrated.

“Taehyung I will worry!”

“I’m ok~”

“Stop texting me and go back to sleep.”

“no”

“Yes!”

“no”

“I’m not going to reply anymore.”

“Then I’ll cry myself to sleep.”

“Stop haha”

“I miss you a lot.”

“I miss you too, but you still need to sleep. We can face time tomorrow when you wake up?”

“When is your flight?”

“Oh yeah… we can face time when I’ve landed maybe? My flight is during the morning for you.”

It took him longer to reply this time.

“ok”

You wanted to send him something affectionate… but you couldn’t get yourself to do it with ease.

Perhaps a heart? A heart could be platonic…

“❤”

”❤❤❤❤❤❤”

So much for trying to get over him…

Would you figure out his cryptic message? Was it obvious that the hearts were meant to stand for “I love u”?

It was getting harder and harder for him to contain himself.

All he wanted was for his flight to Norway to come sooner… so he could hold you.

He was letting himself go even more, more than he already had. Maybe call it accidental flirting but deep down it was intentional.

“I miss you so much.” He sent, trying to come across as pleading.

“Then why didn’t you wave me off?”

His heart dropped.

Maybe anger would do? Yes, anger.

If you boiled up anger towards him maybe it would be easier to let him go… but to what use? Did you want to return home to him not being your friend anymore?

You instantly regretted sending that.

“I’m sorry, I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle it.” He typed out, being honest but then deleting the later and only sending that he was sorry.

“It’s ok, I understand if you were busy.”

That reply made him feel even worse.

“Please wait for me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just wait for me, please.”

“I don’t understand…”

“Good night.”

He placed his phone on the nightstand and it dinged when you responded but he didn’t bother to look, assuming it was just a good night which back despite it being evening.

Your plane touched down in Oslo on time and you were picked up by a pre-booked taxi to take you to your hotel near the business district.

Taehyung anxiously tried to waste his time before his flight.

He locked his tiny suitcase in a locker at the airport and headed into town one last time.

Should he buy you a gift?

He walked past a few jewelry shops and the idea intrigued him more and more.

What if you wouldn’t like it?

Maybe you didn’t want him to visit?

But you said you missed him…

He stopped in front of the window of a shop and his eyes caught the attention of one of the rings displayed on a piece of red velvet fabric.

A ring?

Maybe it looked too much like an engagement ring…

A thought suddenly struck him but he quickly shrugged it off and continued walking.

He walked into a clothing store instead and looked at the scarves and gloves… were you cold?

Did you have plenty of warm clothes with you?

You could borrow his scarf if you were cold… like you did once.

He suddenly found himself surrounded with baby clothes, haven accidently walked into the kids section, distracted with thoughts.

A tiny pair of gloves caught his attention and he couldn’t stop himself from feeling the soft fabric.

/Why am I so dumb…?/

He sighed and left the store.

Maybe he should just get to the airport early and wait there instead…

It felt like the whole town was suddenly crowded with couples and families, all happy people in love surrounding him…

His heart was aching and he quickly fled towards the bus stop to head to the airport.

The business you were visiting had surprisingly prepared a boat ride in the fjord for all the participants, something that had you very excited. The boat would take you to a conference center where you’d have a few meetings. Before that you had already been shown around the facility and gotten answers on all of your questions. The day would end with a big dinner later that evening.

The rain was hanging in the clouds but it had yet to fall over the city when you all climbed onboard the boat.

You eagerly took pictures of the beautiful scenery and quickly sent one to Taehyung.

You chatted with one of the participants and he eagerly told you about their food culture and the history of fishing.

It was a beautiful city, a lot smaller to the size than you had expected, but still stunning nonetheless. It had certain serenity and calm that wasn’t common for capitals.

You wanted to return.

Luckily you had your few free days to spend here before you headed to France.

As the plane approached there was a stunning view of city lights.

The lights became fewer and fewer the lower the plane flew and the occasional light appeared again when it flew over a highway. A mere moment later the colorful lights of the runway were in sight and the plane touched down with a gentle thud.

He hurried off the plane, got a stamp in his passport by the border and grabbed the first taxi to take him into the city.

There was no time to waste.

He walked into the first hotel he could find and paid for three nights.

The hotel was large and lavish looking and not too far away was the royal palace.

Taehyung dropped his bag off in his room quickly and then ran out into the night.

The dinner had come to an end and you were all saying your goodbyes. According to your phone your hotel was a short walk from where you had been eating so you decided to enjoy the cool midnight air with a walk back.

The streets were empty and lit up by shop windows and street lights.

A cold wind from the fjord whistled through the city, making you shiver and pull your coat tighter around you.

Your phone suddenly rang.

You heart skipped a beat when you read Taehyung’s name on the screen. You had forgotten that you were going to face time when you landed! You groaned in annoyance at yourself and quickly picked up.

“Taehyung-“

“Where are you!?” He screamed, out of breath.

“What?”

“Where are you!?”

“I- I’m in Oslo.”

“Where!?”

You looked around.

“Near the train station…”

“Stay there!”

“Taehyung what’s the matter?”

“Just stay there!” He cried out.

Your heartbeat increased and you began to feel unsafe.

“Taehyung this isn’t funny.”

“Wait!”

“Wait for what!?”

“Go to the train station!”

“Ok, ok… I’m going, but why?”

He didn’t respond, all you could hear was his uneasy breathing, making it sound like he was running.

He could see the train station, but not you.

“Where are you?” He asked again.

“I- I don’t know, it says oe…østbanehallen on the building.” You said, struggling to pronounce it. “It’s white and there’s a statue in front of it. Why are you asking?”

He started running again, around the corner of the large building, desperate to find you.

“Taehyung? Hello?” You repeated, you were getting cold and you wanted to go back, what was he doing?

The phone call cut off.

You looked at your phone with a confused expression and put it back in your pocket as you began to walk again.

But you were stopped by the call of your name.

You turned around at the sound of the familiar voice, in disbelief.

“Taehyung?!”

He was running towards you, his phone dead in his hand, breathing heavily and tears streaming down his face.

His strong arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you close and cried out against your shoulder.

“F- finally…” He panted.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, hugging him back.

Holding back the tears of relief from seeing him, feeling his arms around you and his sudden presence was difficult. One tear managed to escape your eye at first and you sniffled softly.

“Something I should’ve done long ago!” He cried.

His cold hands suddenly grabbed the sides of your face and before you could react his lips crashed against yours.

There was no turning back now.

The bottle overflowing with feeling for him had been kicked over and smashed.

You held your arms around him tighter and pressed back against the kiss, tears falling freely.

He pulled back, your lips making a low smack sound and his hands still on the sides of your face when he looked you deeply in the eyes.

“I love you!”

“I love you too.” You almost whispered, drowned out by your tears.

He kissed you again and one of his hands fell to your side.

His kiss was passionate and filled with desire… making out with you, releasing all suppressed feelings.

“Did you come all this way to tell me that?” You sniffed, when he pulled away again.

“and that I’m sorry for not waving you off, I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

“If you showed up I would’ve stayed.”

He chuckled and stroked his thumb across your cheekbone to wipe your tears away.

“Maybe it was better that I showed up here instead.”

You nodded and leaned in to kiss him more.

You pressed your forehead against his.

“You must be so tired…” You sniffled.

“I rested when I was in Prague.”

“You were in Prague?”

“and Amsterdam to go to Estonia and then cancelled my flight and rebooked on the spot to Prague instead.” He giggled. “I chased you all this way...”

“Taehyung…” You looked up into his eyes. “You’re crazy.” You giggled through the tears.

“I’m crazy for you.” He kissed your forehead.

“I almost had you in Prague but I arrived at the wrong terminal and they wouldn’t let me through…”

“But… we facetimed…”

“I hid in the bathroom so you wouldn’t see where I was.”

“Why- Why didn’t you just tell me…”

“I wanted to tell you in person.”

You hid your face against his chest.

His hand patted your head soothingly and you stayed like that for a while.

“Where are you staying?” You asked, looking back up at him.

“The grand, I think it was called. Where are you staying?” His hand caressed your cheek.

“Near the barcode district.” You sniffed. “I don’t remember the name of it.”

“Can I walk you there?”

“No!” You shook your head and hid against his chest again. “I want to stay with you. You’re not allowed to leave me now.”

“Whatever you say sweetie.” He kissed your head. His voice was so soothing and calm… making you miss him even more despite him being in your arms.

He reached for his scarf and un-wrapped it from his neck, placing it around you instead. His hand grabbed your hand, locking fingers and you began walking back to his hotel.

You held onto his arm with your other hand, refusing to let go of him whatever would happen.

He smiled shyly.

His hotel was barely five minutes away and you quickly got back into the warm indoors and headed straight for his room.

He took off his coat and hung it on the hook by the door and walked over to his tiny carry-on suitcase.

You took off your coat and his scarf and hung it on the hook as well and took a seat on the large bed in his room.

“You’re staying the night.” Taehyung claimed shyly and handed you one of his new t-shirts from his suitcase.

“I’m staying as long as you are, we can get my stuff tomorrow.”

Taehyung smiled, getting to hear exactly what he wanted to hear.

You suddenly felt the delicate touch of his fingers under your chin as he tilted your face up. He leaned down and placed a kiss on your lips.

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted to kiss you?” He whispered.

“As long as I have?”

“I hope so.”

He stood back up and took out his sleep wear from his suitcase and you fled into the bathroom to change.

If he confessed the full truth he feared he’d scare you away. Not only had he dreamt of your kiss for so long, but also to just be with you… the small moments and the big moments… He was In love with you, so so in love with you… He wanted to spend his life with you, kiss you, hug you, have sex with you, get married, have kids, everything! He knew you were the one for him, even more when he felt the strong regret seeing the time on his phone, knowing that your plane had taken off and that it was too late for him… but it didn’t take him long to go crazy.

He changed quickly and got into bed, not bothering with his routines, all he wanted was to hold you close, from now and forever, throughout the night.

You stepped out of the bathroom with your clothes in your arms and put them down on the couch in the room. You kept your panties on under the oversized t-shirt and quickly made your way to under the covers, next to his warm body.

It felt so right.

He pulled you close, nuzzled his nose against your neck with his arm snug around you.

You belonged in his arms and he belonged in yours.

Saying goodbye was hard.

You had to go to France, he had to go back home.

After the few days you shared together in Oslo, you didn’t want him to leave…

The dates, the kisses, the snuggles, the love and affection he gave you… you didn’t want to lose it as soon as you had gained it.

Hi hand caressed your cheek.

“Please cheer up.” He begged.

“I don’t want you to go…” You cried.

“I don’t want to go either, but I have to and you’re doing an important job.”

“Will you call me every day?”

“Of course I will.” He brushed his nose against yours cutely.

“If you ever need me, I’ll be on the next plane. I promise.”

You kissed him.

“I’ll try to come back earlier.”

“I’ll wait for you when you do. I’ll be there to pick you up and kiss you the first thing I do when you get back.”

“I’ll look forward to it.”

“You’re strong baby.” He smiled. “We can do this.” He ensured, even though it hurt him.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, so much.” He kissed your forehead.

“Call me when you’re back at home.”

“I will baby.” He pulled you closer one last time and you shared a long passionate kiss before being pulled apart by thousands of miles for the next few months.

He turned around and holding back his tears were hard.

Something bumped into him from behind and a pair of arms wrapped around his waist.

A last hug.

Breakfast facetime dates, dinner facetime dates.

In bed facetime dates, out and about facetime dates.

The highlight of the days spent apart.

Weeks passed by and your flight back home had been officially booked and you were counting down the days.

The days until you receive that huge check, the day you’d arrive back home, the day you’d complete your grand mission of honor and the day you would finally be in his arms again…

Few weeks became few days and few days became a few hours when you were waiting at an airport in Germany for a flight to take you directly home, business class.

“A few hours and I’ll see you!”

“Have a safe flight! I can’t wait to finally hug you again.”

The countdown had begun.

A promise would be broken.

But it would be worth it… he’d make it all better.

Jimin would pick you up from the airport in his place, something you’d first find out about when you arrived…

He was nervous.

Would you hate him? Probably for a while…

But he had to do this.

In conclusion… Jimin would pick you up, but not drive you home.

Hours passed.

Your flight was approaching.

20 minutes delayed, not too bad.

Jimin was nervous too.

He hadn’t met you in forever…

You had two suitcases pilled on a luggage cart when you spotted Jimin by arrivals.

Surprised and a bit confused you looked around for Taehyung when he approached you.

“Taehyung sent me to pick you up, welcome home, please don’t hit me.” He chuckled and gave you a hug.

Oh well…

Jimin quickly stole the cart from you and pushed it for you towards the pick-up parking.

“You must be a gold member now, considering all the flights you’ve had!” Jimin said.

“Diamond, actually.” You chuckled.

“Diamond even, man I wonder how many levels these airlines actually have before you get a private jet.”

You chuckled.

“How come Taehyung couldn’t come?” You asked.

“Ugh… work is being a bitch you know.”

“I understand.”

“Don’t be mad at him, he really wanted to be here.” He smiled, trying to comfort you.

You put your suitcases in the car and took the cart back before driving away from the airport and on to highway you hadn’t seen for so long…

“It feels nice to be back.” You smiled, exhaling deeply.

“Not much has changed.”

“Good.” You giggled.

Jimin pulled off the highway and you assumed he was just taking a different route.

But roads and streets quickly turned unfamiliar.

“Did I forget the way or are we going somewhere else?”

“This is a short cut I found.” Jimin lied.

“Oh ok.”

You just wanted to go back home as soon as possible and have a long shower.

Jimin suddenly pulled over.

He was fidgeting with his fingers.

Why was the flight late? It was making him more anxious…

Maybe he should’ve just gone for there and then at the airport instead… But he wanted the setting to be nice…

He was standing in a tiny park, dressed in a long black coat to keep him warm.

It was early morning and the ground and grass was covered with frost and the park was empty.

“Why are we stopping?”

“I need to pick up something here… sorry.”

“Can I stay in the car?”

“Uhm, no… You need to be with me when I pick this up.”

“Is it heavy?” You asked and unbuckled your seatbelt.

“Yeah, sorry….”

You weren’t making it easy for him.

He couldn’t go with you…

You started walking into the park when Jimin suddenly stopped.

“Ah, I- I forgot something in the car, keep walking, I’ll catch up.”

Before any questions could be asked Jimin turned around and ran back towards the car.

You continued on the path, admiring the frost.

You suddenly noticed someone between the trees… Who was in the park this early?

Maybe it was someone taking their dog out?

But no dog was seen…

You walked past the trees and you finally recognized the person standing on the grass, shivering with his hands in his pockets.

This fool….

You ran towards him and he noticed you right away.

You threw yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him while he picked you up by the waist and spun you around.

“Why are you here?” You laughed and he put you down.

“This park is prettier than the airport.”

What did he mean?

He took a step back and your arms fell from him.

“It’s cold, but know that I’m wearing a suit under my jacket.” He suddenly confessed.

You chuckled, what?

Your expression quickly changed when he reached into his pocket and went down on one knee…

What was happening!? What was going on!? Your heart was racing.

“Will you marry me?”

Your heart wasn’t racing anymore, it was pounding hard in your chest.

“Y- yes!”

He smiled widely and reached for your hand to put the ring on it.

Your hand was shaking, not from the cold…

He stood back up and pulled you close for a deep kiss.

The welcome home kiss you had been waiting for and he had waited to give you.

“I’m so glad you’re home.” He whispered.

You sniffled.

You looked down at the beautiful ring on your finger.

“I first saw that ring when I was in Prague and I knew it’d be the ring I’d propose to you with.”

“Have you held on to it for this long?”

He shook his head.

“I flew over last weekend and bought it.”

“You’re crazy.” You cried out, laughing and pulled him in for another kiss.

“Crazy for you.” he said after the kiss and nuzzled your neck, making you giggle.

You looked down at your hand for probably the thousand time that day, unable to stop admiring it.

In your hands was a folder that you had prepared for your big presentation at work.

You had a few days off to prepare from coming back home to coming back to work.

After the presentation you would be handed your check along with a letter of recommendation.

The presentation went well and you were proud of yourself for what you had accomplished. The framed letter and the envelope with the check were handed to you together with a large bouquet of flowers. After the big presentation there was a mingle with small pieces of food and champagne, but you wouldn’t stay for very long.

“You’re going home already, I’ve missed you?” Your coworker pouted.

“Yes, I want to get home and rest after this adventure.” You chuckled.

“I understand, how are you getting home?”

“My fiancée is picking me up.”

“Oh well, next time we work together I want to hear everything about your trip!”

“I’ll let you know!” You smiled and grabbed your bouquet, heading for the exit.

Taehyung had parked right outside and you quickly ran towards the car through the cold and put the flower in the back seat before taking a seat in the front next to Taehyung.

“Hi baby.” He smiled and leaned in to kiss you.

You caressed his jaw and reached for your seatbelt while receiving the sweet kiss.

“Did you wait long?” You asked and buckled it.

“Not long.” He smiled and started the car.

After a short drive you arrived back home at your place. It took a while to get home but during the way you were occupied admiring your fiancées hands on the wheel, more specifically the dainty silver ring on his ring finger, his engagement ring.

Why should you be the only one to have such a prized possession? He was engaged too.

You grabbed his wrist and slid your hand down into his as you walked to your apartment from the car park.

He smiled proudly, holding your flowers for you.

“What are you looking at?” He asked sweetly, noticing you looking down.

“You have such pretty hands.”

“Thank you!” He smiled widely, blushing cheeks puffing up.

You walked into your bedroom to get changed into something more comfortable from your formal dress but you struggled to reach the zipper in the back. You gave up with a sigh and popped your head out of the door.

“Taehyung?”

“Yeah?” He turned around to look you way from the sofa in the living room.

“I can’t reach the zipper… can you help me?” You pouted.

He immediately stood up and walked over to your room.

You turned your back against him and moved your hair to the side.

“I think it might be stu-“

He cut you off by kissing your neck.

“I’ll fix!”

He grabbed the zipper and carefully pulled it down slowly, all the way down to your waist, were it came to a stop.

His finger trailed lightly up your spine, giving you shivers.

You only needed help with the zipper…

He slipped your dress off your shoulders, tracing kisses against your left shoulder, following the slow movement of his hand.

The dress fell to the floor, leaving you in only your bra, panties and thigh high socks.

You let him continue.

He unhooked your bra, slipping the straps off your shoulder and repeating his move on your right shoulder.

You quickly grew slightly aroused by his touch and your bra joined the dress on the floor.

You covered your breasts with your arms and looked back over your shoulder to see Taehyung unbuttoning his shirt.

“Help me?” He suggested, raising a brow.

You turned around fully and he eyed you up and down, taking in the view with sudden lust filled eyes.

You moved your arms away and reached for the next button on his shirt. You gasped suddenly when his strong arm wrapped around you and pulled you closer against his body.

You quickly unbuttoned the buttons between you and he pulled his shirt off his broad shoulders and tossed it to the floor.

The next thing you knew, you squealed as he picked you up and put you down on the bed. He let his hands caress up your legs to the hem of your thigh high sock and slipped each one off your legs slowly, one at the time.

Impatient, you sat back up, grabbed his hair and pulled him close; crashing your lips against his in a kiss fueled by hunger and need. He crawled up on top of you on the bed and slipped his tongue between your plump lips.

You wanted him.

He wanted you.

His hands moved up your sides, caressing your skin from your hip to your waist and up along the sides of your chest until he reached your breasts. He cupped each in one hand and squeezed gently, making you let out a soft low moan against the kiss, arousal growing even stronger.

Your hands played with his long soft hair, turning the neat curled style into a fluffed up mess while he explored every surface of your breasts, fondling, squeezing, feeling…

His thumb and index pinched lightly at your left nipple, awakening your arousal even more and stronger and you felt yourself getting wet under his touch.

He pulled away from the kiss and latched on to your right nipple, sucking on it roughly and pulling gently with his lips to make it even harder for him.

His other hand replaced his lips, pinching and twisting ever so gently while he hid his face in the crook between your neck and shoulder, placing soft kisses against your skin.

The touch of his soft wet lips tickled slightly and made you squirm.

He chuckled lightly at your reaction and playfully nibbled your skin, but enough to make it develop into a small bruised mark.

He moved up to your ear lobe instead and nibbled at it gently and let his hands fall to the sides of you instead to support his body.

You pushed him over, rolling on top of him, seated over his hips.

He looked up at you with wide eyes and a surprised expression.

You walked your hands up his bare chest and leaned down by his ear, teasingly repeating his own move and sucking softly at his ear lobe, tugging at it gently with your lips.

A giggle tickled his ear.

You had your left hand against the side of his thick neck, caressing it passionately and feeling his smooth skin.

He seemed to like it, looking up at you with dark eyes and a wide smirk.

His hands travelled up your thighs while your lips trailed kisses down his neck to his collarbone.

You gently squeezed your left hand around his neck, earning a low moan.

You sat up straight, hands pressed against his chest. When you lowered yourself to sit on him you felt his hard bulge poke you through his black jeans. You climbed off him instead and he was quick to tackle you and get back on top.

You reached for his belt buckle and pulled at it a few times before unbuckling his belt. Taehyung placed a kiss on your lips and sat up on his knees over you and unzipped his jeans, pulling them down his thighs, exposing his hard cock straining against the fabric of his boxers.

He got off you and quickly took his jeans off, kicking them off the bed, leaving you in an equal amount of clothing. Getting back on top his lips immediately found yours and he kissed you passionately, lips sucking on lips, tongue swirling around tongue, quickly becoming a mess.

He pulled away, not far. His nose brushed against yours and his hand cupped the side of your face. His thumb caressed your lower lip, dragging across it slowly.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered.

“So are you.”

“So beautiful…” He pressed his forehead against yours.

Your fingers found the hem of his boxers and pulled them down slowly as far as you could before he stood up straight on his knees again, touch abandoning you.

He hooked his finger under the side of your panties and began to slip them down your legs as far as possible before he got off of you and yanked them off completely.

His hands reached for himself, sliding his boxers down his hips, exposing himself.

He grabbed his thick cock with one hand after successfully getting rid of the last remaining piece of clothing keeping you apart.

The tip was slightly pink, begging for touch, achingly hard and aroused.

A few subtle veins trailed up his length from the very base of his cock.

He looked good…

Aren’t people the most attractive when they’re aroused and horny?

His hand slowly stroked himself and he swallowed, looking down at you.

You sat up, grabbed his shoulder and pushed him back down on the bed, straddling him.

His hand immediately left his cock, making it fall against his lower abdomen as both his hands grabbed your waist.

You positioned yourself and began to grind gently against his cock, making him bite his lip. Sliding up and down his lengths, coating him with your arousal that was just making you more and more wet, aching for relief.

You had your hands pressed against his chest, one of Taehyung’s hands left your waist to caress your wrist instead. You stopped your movements and leaned down to kiss him.

A final kiss before you wouldn’t be able to contain yourself anymore…

You pulled away, leaving him needy for your lips to return. You reached down and wrapped your hand gently around his cock, dragging the tip up and down your slit a few times before you lowered yourself, positioning the tip by your entrance and sliding down his thick length halfway.

Your hand returned to his chest and he thrusted upwards, desperate to slip in further, for you to take his full length. Your nails scratched his skin softly and you let him slide in all the way, stretching you out. He felt so good…

You pushed yourself up and lowered yourself back down again, picking up a slow pace. He exhaled deeply under you as you began to ride him faster, sliding up and down half his length before you pushed down all the way, making both of you let out a whimpering moan. You picked up your speed fast, sliding up and down his thick cock from right beneath his head to the very base.

His big hands grabbed your hips, guiding you and making it even harder to contain the sounds of pleasure needing to escape your throat.

You leaned your head back, smiling widely as pleasure took over all your senses. You felt sexy riding him like this…

You grabbed his hand from your hip and locked your fingers with his, pressing his hand back against the bed, doing the same with the other and leaning down to kiss him.

He moaned against the kiss, desperate to push you back down on his cock but his hands squeezed your tightly as you suffocated his helpless needy whimpers with your tongue.

Your thighs were giving in, but you didn’t want to give in now… not when you were feeling the sweet feeling leading up to your climax.

Out of breath you pulled away from the kiss and Taehyung noticed your building exhaustion. He used his strength and pushed your hands back, making you lose your grip of his hands and he quickly wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you down against his chest, making him slip out and he rolled over, now on top of you.

He kissed your lips and thrusted back in hard and deep, making you moan loud.

“I’ll take over now baby.” He whispered.

He went hard.

Full force.

Thrusting deep, hard and fast.

Immediately sending you close to the edge.

“Does it feel good?” He asked in a cocky tone.

“Mhmm” You hummed, holding onto him tight.

“You’re such a good girl.”

“I’m so proud of you, you know that huh?” He panted, repeatedly praising you.

He moaned loudly.

“Fuck!”

He leaned in by your ear, making you able to hear his heavy breathing even more.

“And you’re so good at taking my cock.” He chuckled, devilishly.

He hummed in pleasure against your ear and you grabbed on even tighter, fingers desperately searching for grip on his shoulder blades when you felt your muscles tense up.

He thrusted harder, earning a moan on the border to a scream.

“I’m close.” He whispered and pounded harder into you again.

“D-don’t stop!” You begged.

He went faster, sweat forming on his skin, chest almost heaving and long low whimpers escaping his throat while he chased both your highs.

“T-Taehyung…”

“Yes, baby?”

In the heat of the moment he licked up the side of your neck.

You dug your fingertips deeper into his toned back muscles.

Another fast hard thrust and your muscles claimed all control from you. Tensing tightly before releasing hard, heart beat racing, thighs aching and muscles pulsating tight and hard around his cock.

He let out a few grunts and his thrusts became slower and deeper.

“I-I’m gonna cum.” He whimpered.

Another slow deep thrust and he suddenly let out a deep exhale mixed with a low moan as his muscles finally gave in and you could feel him throbbing as he came.

He kissed you, exhausted but overwhelmed by pleasure. He let out another soft moan against your lips, still cumming.

After a short while he leaned back and carefully pulled out his sensitive cock.

He lied down on his side and you rolled over on to your side, moving close to him and he wrapped a strong arm around your waist, pulling you even closer and placing a soft kiss against your forehead.

Like this, you felt protected by him.

The energy along with his glow made him appear like the strongest most attractive man…

You snuggled up against his warm chest and heard his heart beating rapidly. You placed your hand over it soothingly and he smiled at you.

“Can you hear my heart?”

You nodded.

“It’s beating fast.” You pointed out.

“Because of you.” He chuckled and brushed his hand through your hair. “My love.”

His words made you blush.

You placed a soft kiss against his heart.

The engine of the aircraft roared and it increased in speed rapidly before taking off for the sky.

Your hand was tightly held by the man in the seat next to you.

On his ring finger were two rings… just like on yours.

The hand belonged to your husband.

And his hand belonged to you.

You were admiring the view of the city below becoming smaller and smaller for a while and then turned to your side to look lovingly at your husband.

First class, free upgrade thanks to your previous travels.

And now you were returning.

But this time without one chasing the other. This time instead, to spend the time lovingly with each other, experiencing what you did separately then, together now, on your honeymoon.

First class served chocolate covered strawberries, a treat you both eagerly devoured.

First stop Oslo, next stop France. The city Paris, to be exact, the city known as the city of romance…

What better place to celebrate your love than where it first bloomed and where it then could grow even wilder.

Taehyung raised your hand to his face and pressed his soft pink lips gently against your skin.

“It feels nice to finally fly with you.” He confessed, putting an emphasis on “with”.

“How did you actually fly?” You asked curious.

Taehyung leaned back against his seat.

“First I flew to Amsterdam, then I was going to fly to Copenhagen and change to a flight to Tallinn, but then you texted me saying you were suddenly going to Italy again and then to Prague and because my flight to Copenhagen was delayed I luckily saw that text and ran to the first counter I could find and asked them to book me a ticket to Prague instead but then you were heading to Norway and I was stuck in Prague because all flights were fully booked until the same night I finally reached you.”

“You really are crazy.” You chuckled and leaned your head on his shoulder.

“It was the most important trip of my life… the second I looked at the time to see that your flight had taken off, I just broke down and I knew it was too late... unless I did what I did.”

“I love you.” You said, tearing up.

“I love you too.” He kissed your head. “That’s why I married you!” He chuckled, returning to his initial mood.

Talking about that trip always made your heart feel heavy, but not in a bad way but in the overwhelming way, how this man loved you so much that he chased you across the world only to confess his love to you…

Saying yes to him was the easiest choice you had ever made, thanks to the hardest choice you ever had to make.

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poorreputation · 5 years

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SPN 1X01 Pilot Retrospective Meta

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@emblue-sparks @metafest @verobatto-angelxhunter @evvvissticante @dea-stiel @sudo-apt-get-destiel @wildligia (tumbler’s not letting me tag you, sorry)

Pre re-watch notes/things to touch on:

Comparing the Woman in White to John, Sam and Mary/hindsight notes.

S1 motivations vs. S14/15 endgame.

Episode Notes:

Written by: Eric Kripke

Directed by: David Nutter

A long post, so I will put it behind the cut.

Lawrence, Kansas

22 years ago

We begin our tale with Mary bringing Dean into Sam's nursery to say goodnight. John enters the room, and in a nice bit of short-hand, he's wearing a USMC (United States Marine Corps) shirt, showing John was a soldier.

There's a shot of Mary and John in a picture. We already know they're married, so why is it here?

Mary thinks it's John in the nursery, only to find him asleep in the living room in front of the TV. (again, a connection to John's past, he's fallen asleep watching a war movie)

Something that'll become a continuity issue, later in the show: Mary's many years of experience being a Hunter, only to not recognize the flickering of lights as a sign of trouble.

Of course, Mary's wearing a white gown, (white is usually seen as a pure color/ of purity, but in this instance a connection to the Woman in White/see Jess later)

Mary's dead, and everyone involved is scarred for life.

The look on John's face, as we finish the Lawrence sequence, is that of a broken man, who's seen something that will eat away at his mind.

Stanford University Present Day (2005)

Okay, the first image we see of Jess is her in a nurse's costume, white with red trimming. Jess also has medium length curly blond hair. Guys, she looks like Mary, especially in Mary's death scene (white gown, covered in blood).

We focus in on the picture of Mary and John for visual shorthand, confirming this is a grown-up Sam.

We establish Sam is "scary" smart, has aspirations of becoming a lawyer, and has a job interview on Monday.

Jess: "Knock 'em dead on Monday." laying it on thick, Kripke.

Sam: "What would I do without you?"

Jess: "Crash and burn."

*smooch*

Damn you, Kripke.

Night scene, and holy shit, why do Sam and Jess have so many plants? Why doesn't future Sam have plants in the bunker, you know, something low maintenance?

Dean, why the fuck can't you use the door? Or a phone?

From the get-go, Dean's cocky, suffers from eldest sibling syndrome, and is a shameless horn-dog.

Sam: "He's on a Miller time shift." See, when I first watched the pilot, years ago, I didn't realize this was Sam implying John was a drunk. These things would just fly over my head.

Sam wants to make a point of including Jess in the conversation, of being honest. And yet, the moment Dean says John is on a hunt and hasn't returned, that honesty goes right out the window. More on that later.

Sam and Dean's exposition dump in the hallway, a part of me feels it's an odd way to catch the audience up to speed, while the other part of me knows this is how families argue when they spend most of their time biting their tongues. Sam especially seems the type to mull over his thoughts, storing away comebacks for the perfect moment when they'll be most effective (like later in the episode). Also, it's been years since the brothers have seen each other (we're told later it's been at least 2 years since Dean bothered Sam), they're so icy towards one another.

Sam: "You think Mom would've wanted this for us?" we'd find this out later in S4, but, no. Funny enough, maybe if Mary shared her knowledge of Hunting, something more could've been done (foreshadowing).

Dean: "What're you gonna do? Just live some normal, apple pie life?" Dean, if you'd only taken your own advice, we could've avoided S6.

Sam, paraphrasing John: "If you're gonna go, stay gone." Well, that's only very emotionally manipulative.It does, however, remind me of the U.S. military’s views on those dishonorably discharged, and since John raised them as "warriors", it's not a stretch to think, in a time of crisis, John treated his sons as soldiers.

Dean: "I can't do this alone."

Sam: "Yes, you can."

Dean: "Yeah, well, I don't want to."

This exchange, this vulnerability from Dean, after his initial introduction of being a cocky asshole who hits on his brother's girlfriend, shows just how much of a facade Dean's attitude is. In the end, he's a kid scared of losing his Dad.

It's this vulnerability that convinces Sam to listen.

Come the fuck on, "I can never go home." after we establish Sam left John and Dean, left Hunting behind, and was told to never come back (home). KRIPKE. YOU'RE *not* SUBTLE.

2 years, Dean says, since they last talked. Either Sam entered college late, (20 rather than 18) or Sam and Dean kept in touch even after Sam and John's blow-out fight.

Again, Jess pries for more info, and Sam changes the subject. Nope, that’s not gonna bite him in the ass, at all.

Jericho, California

(insert biblical/wrestling reference here)

We meet monster fodder, I mean, some random dude, who tells his girlfriend Amy over the phone he can't see her that night. He slows down to a stop and picks up the Woman in White.

Anyway, another example of a young woman with curly, medium length hair in a white gown/dress. I mean, her house even looks a bit like John and Mary's old place.

We get a brief, blurry shot of the Woman in White and her kids. Sorry, but if you're familiar with the legend of her/La Llorona, it's easy to see where this is going.

Oh, and whatshisface is dead.

Chips and soda. Breakfast of champions.

Sam's being a real sassy bitch about how Dean and John get their funds. I get it, world-building for the audience, bit it shows just how passive aggressive Sam is in these early seasons; Dean's clearly playing moderator between Sam and an absent John.

Sam: "Black Sabbath, Motorhead, Metalica? It's the greatest hits of mullet rock." Sam, it's not Dean's fault you have poor taste. Shut your cakehole.

Sam: "Sammy's a chubby 12 year old." or, it's what a big brother says to his infant sibling to calm him down, oh wait.

Monster bait's name is Troy. Yeah, I don't care.

Dean sassing the officer and Sam stomping Dean's foot. Yep, they're brothers. This interaction is where their chemistry really starts to shine through.

Amy and her friend are peak mid-2000's goths/emos, good lord.

Dean's "I told you so" smart-ass look as the friend shares the rumors in town, he's such an older sibling.

They... they never tell Amy what happened to her asshole boyfriend, huh? Well. Sucks for Amy.

Researching on a public library computer, fucking hell. (nothing wrong with that, I’ve worked in a public library, but they’re doing super-secret Hunter’s stuff in such a public place)

Have it paused on a photo of Constance Welch, the Woman in White, and the article mentions her husband's exact line of work; associate manager who works the graveyard shift at Frontier auto salvage. Gives me shades of Bobby, who also lost his wife under tragic circumstances.

A mother leaves her child unattended, comes back to check on them, tragedy strikes. Or, so the story goes.

Dean confronts Sam about living a life of willful ignorance, and even asks if Jess knows the truth. Sam makes it clear she doesn't and he intends it to stay that way, as Dean sarcastically quips, "That's healthy".

Really, the more I think about it, the more S6 feels like the inverse of S1; Dean tries to live a normal life, Sam comes stomping in to rain on his parade. Lisa is kept largely in the dark about Dean's past, and gets hurt because of it.

Dean: "You can pretend all you want, Sammy, but sooner or later, you're gonna have to face up to who you are."

Sam: "And who's that?"

Dean: "One of us."

Sam: "No. I'm not like you. This is not going to be my life."

Sam thinks Dean's just talking about Hunting, but Dean means more than that, he means family. One of us, Dad and me, a Hunter and a Winchester.

Sam: "Mom's not coming back." and so on about how he doesn’t even remember Mary, doesn’t share John’s obsession.

Dean: "No chick flick moments." Dean, dude, bro, you're the one who started this by breaking into Sam's place like a dramatic bitch, and then proceeded to give life/relationship advice. It's already a chick flick.

John's room being covered head-to-toe in case notes, only to come to the obvious conclusion it's the Woman in White. But, Sam said, because of the salt line, John was worried. Now, as far as I can remember, John was never a target of this spirit, so, I think he was paranoid about Yellow Eyes. After all, John had notes on devils/demons up, too, so maybe. I could be wrong.

There's something amusing about Sam and Dean's first duo Hunt, one without John, includes one of them getting arrested. Just, how rare that happens in the rest of the show, compared to how many laws they break daily.

Sam talks to Joseph Welch, who seems to wear the same clothes as Bobby. Also, Sam looks like a giant standing next to him.

Joseph lies to Sam's face about his and Constance's marriage, and it takes Sam a moment to work up the nerve to call him out on it. Or, it's Sam losing his temper. They're dealing with a murderous ghost, after all, and this guy wants to hide the truth.

Sam's done with lying witnesses, and now he's making fake calls to the cops. Gloves are OFF.

So, it's revealed John's purposefully leaving Sam and Dean clues, the journal, and the coordinates, but won't outright tell the truth.

Sam: "I'm not unfaithful. I've never been." See, Sam, that's only in the cheating department. You are, however, keeping Jess in the dark about dangerous stuff. Can any relationship with such big lies every be a faithful one?

Again, the imagery of the flickering lights. A standard in the show later for when a ghost's around, but considering all the visual parallels between the Woman in White and Mary, I think it's intentional.

That CGI of the ghosts vanishing was kinda shit, though. So is the sound of water swirling down a drain, I'm now just thinking of a toilet.

Dean: "I'll take you home." and there, in an episode where the ghost is afraid to go home and face the consequences of their actions, Sam too must go back to Jess.

Sam discovering Jess' body on the ceiling, as the room's engulfed in flames, never fails to give me chills. Hot damn.

Post Episode Notes:

While the pilot is a treasure trove of world building, plotting of character arcs, and chemistry between Jared and Jensen, it still doesn't make up for the fact it's bookended with 2 women getting fridged. Mary and Jess don't get to be characters, only fuel for man-pain, and argue with me all you want, but Mary's send-off in S14 is far superior to what she got in the pilot.

I remember seeing Kripke discuss how many drafts they went through while writing the pilot, and it feels like that at quite a few points. Like maybe the sheriff was to get more time, or Troy's father, who I believe is a cop, would've been more vital to the plot. And Amy, who'll spend who knows how many weeks and months putting up missing person posters for Troy.

I believe Kripke also said they'd considered killing John at the end, rather than Jess. I think, and this is pure speculation, the more they went into the lore for the Woman in White, the more they knew Jess had to die. I don't like it, wish they could've done it different, but it fits the story they wanted to tell.

The Woman in White, John, Mary and Sam, in hindsight

It's a retcon from S4, but if Mary was honest with John about her past as a Hunter, maybe they'd have a better chance with fighting Azazel. It's tragically paralleled to Sam not telling Jess about his own past, which may have prevented her death. And while you could say Heaven and Hell would still have their way, and shape Sam and Dean the way they want to, I'd like to think, given the chance, free will could prevail, And, look at how often keeping secrets is framed as one of the worst things the characters could do to each other?

Additionally, if John had been honest with Sam and Dean about what he wanted them to do, and what kind of danger they were really in, maybe Sam wouldn't have left Jess alone.

Thank you for reading this monstrosity of a meta, I hope you enjoyed/found it interesting!

#SPN #meta #S1 #1X01 #Pilot #Sam #Dean #Back when they were babies #good lord #writers #writing

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years

Text

Survey #219

“make a move and you pay for it; pick a lord and you pray to it.”

Do you actually love your grandpa? I don't really remember either of mine. I do from what I remember and have learned of them, though. Do you actually love your grandma? I don't remember my dad's mom at all, but I mean, I love her simply for being my dad's mother, who loved her. My mom's mom, yeah, even though she's. Hard to like a lot of the time. Do you have Facebook? Yes. What was the last thing you posted on someone’s wall? A birthday post. Do you have MySpace? My old one still exists, but I sure haven't been on it since it was current. What is your favorite kind of music? Heavy metal. Favorite soft drink? Mountain Dew Voltage is actually cocaine to me rip. Favorite food? Probably like... pepperoni pizza or cheeseburgers. I'm a full-blooded 'Merican. Have you ever felt replaced? OH, HAVE I! Have you ever worn false eyelashes? No. Do you ever regret making a friend? I don't think so. Can you cure mental illness? I don't know about cure, but you can certainly learn how to handle it better and alleviate symptoms. Is God good? Define "God." Cats or dogs? Kitties. Do you play video games? Yeah, but I don't play nearly the variety that I used to. Do you take medication for mental health? Yes. Can you really be racist to a white person? No shit? Do you have a favorite hair accessory? What does it look like? No. What’s your favorite type of insect? Butterflies. What’s your LEAST favorite type of insect? Larvae, like maggots. Disgusting. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? What did you say? What’s his/her favorite food? Idk and I don't feel like checking. I rarely use it. What was the last song you listened to? Does it mean anything to you? "Thoughts & Prayers" by Motionless In White is a mood with my mad-at-God-24/7 ass. It needs to stop honestly. I've become so hateful about religion. Not towards followers, mind you, just the concept itself. I could write a novel on this, but I don't feel like it. Just me and organized religion don't get along anymore. Have you ever slept in a water bed? On a water mattress, yeah. How do you feel about having sex during your menstrual period? Never tried, not for me. Sounds messy. Does your ex have a job? My most recent, I guess you mean? Yeah. Have you ever slept in a car? Yeah, on long drives to like New York and stuff. What was the last term of endearment you used (babe, hun, dear, etc)? *checks phone* "Sweetie." How often do you use Flickr? Never. I can't log into my account anymore since Yahoo said "fuck u Britt," so there's no point. Have you ever been on a blind date? No. Do you have a crush on the last person you texted? She's my girlfriend so y'know like- Have you ever got into an argument with the last person you kissed? We very much disliked each other at first, so... guess, lmao. Have you ever liked somebody who was nice to you, but horrible to everyone else? Eh, that's a mystery... Juan was very sweet to me, but I know he had a bad rep. I didn't really see how he interacted with others. How’s your appetite atm? It's normal. I'm not currently hungry. Out of all the conversations you’ve had recently, which one has made you smile or laugh the most? Sara randomly and excitedly texted me to tell me "Welcome to the Jungle" was on at work, which was on the radio both when I was there and she was here, so she thought of how much she missed me lakdjsfkalwe I smiled my face in half. Do you look decent in your most recent photograph? Eh, it wasn't awful. It was for my school ID. What is one vacation destination that many people think is just fabulous but which you personally have no desire to visit (or revisit)? New York City. My sis went and said it was 1.) insane and 2.) disgusting. If you were five years younger but knew everything at that age that you’ve actually learned over the last five years, what is one thing you would definitely do differently? Go to the partial hospitalization program way sooner. What serves as the greatest motivation for you in your daily life? To earn a happy, content future. What activity that you have to do every once in a while that you dread the most? "Every once in a while," I'd say clean Mitsu's cage. She is such a strange rat. Enjoys pets, but being picked up is a no sir. When people hear what you do for a living, what is the most typical question or comment they give you regarding your job? N/A If you were left alone for one hour with nothing more than a pen and a notepad, what would you be inclined to draw or write during those 60 minutes? I'd probably write a poem. I know I wouldn't draw 'cuz fuck no am I doing so with a pen. If you could witness anything at all in super-slow motion, what would you want to see? Uhhh. Idk. Anything I can think of, like lightning, I've seen because of the Internet. If someone were looking for you in a bookstore, in what section would they be most likely to find you? Probably like, young adult fiction/fantasy, something like that. What do you forget to do more often than anything else? Lately, take one of my mood stabilizers. I need to get the box out... aaaand forget every day. I haven't felt any different without it tho so like... If you could teach everyone in the world one skill, what would it be? Compassion, maybe. You’ve been offered the chance to paint a billboard along a highway with any message you choose, as long as it’s only 10 words long. What is your message? I'm not spending time musing over something that serious lakaljdsfawe. Would you ever travel to Africa? Hell yes. I desperately want to go to South Africa on the Tswalu Kalahari tour. Whose house were you last at? Besides my own, my older sister's. Have you ever had a near-death experience? I guess this depends on how near death you mean. I've been in one car accident that my mom managed to make minor only by being a good driver; realistically, we should've flipped, according to the cop. My mom just acted quickly enough. Then I heavily ODed, but I was given more than enough fluids in time to keep me surprisingly okay. I don't know what would've happened if I hadn't told Mom so quickly, and I don't care to think about it. I'm fucking lucky and don't want to think about what could've happened. Have you ever met anyone who was overly addicted to a computer game? Tbh I myself could've been in this position when my depression was so bad, but then there's factors to that that lean towards it just having been a preference versus addiction. Idk. It's not a problem anymore so not worth debating over. Have you ever been fingered? That was the first cheat when you chose abstinence lmao. What do you do the most when you are online? Watch or listen to something on YouTube. What video game have you played the most? So in WoW you can actually type in /played to see how long you've played JUST that one character up to the years (or maybe days?) down to seconds and. I will never type it in lmao. Ongoing games are v depressing. Do you have scars you don’t like to talk about? No, those are thankfully gone. What is something you and your significant other do that may seem weird to others? Be helplessly and openly in love with imaginary demons while dating each other lmao (she's a Freeza fanatic). When and why did you last cry? The second day of school because of math class. When was the last time you drank? I think like... back on the 4th of July. Or some days after 'cuz I know Mom and I didn't finish the container in one night. Do you wear jewelry a lot? Just my piercings, really. Save for on my ear lobes because the holes on the left are fucked up, yay. I'm going to wind up just slightly stretching the first holes when I can afford a small kit; actual studs or hoops look stupid. Never wanted gauges until the holes got too stretched by the weight of hoops; now something needs to be there. Who in your household do you not have a good relationship with? My sister's (who doesn't even live here...) dog Bentley. I hate him and he doesn't like me. No, that doesn't mean I mistreat a pet. He's just a pain in the goddamn ass. Who in your life are you scared to lose more than anything? My mom. I don't know what would happen to me or how I'd cope at this time. Honestly, would you rather be single or in a relationship? I'm happier in a healthy relationship. Do any of your friends not get along at all? No. I mean, not that I know of. What are your 3 favorite internet sites? I'd be LOST without YouTube, then KM follows up close. #3, uh... Facebook or Tumblr, I suppose. Have you ever gotten anything autographed, if so by who & what was it? No. Well, I do have a little book of Disney World character autographs, but I don't think that really counts. Do you prefer Walmart or Target? We use Wal-mart. Who is your favorite model? Sara is a gd model don't even @ me about it. What have you done that is out of character for you? The Joel thing is the most anti-Brittany thing I've ever done for sure. I can't think of anything more current that stands out, unless it's- NO WAIT, this was quite a few months ago, but I firmly stood against an opinion my psychiatrist made known. He's very talkative and open as hell about his beliefs in current events, and he said something about pit bulls where I was just like... um no sir. I wasn't going to be rude though to HIM of all people so just said I don't base dogs by their breed and shut up. Awkward silence and we moved on. What do you feel strong enough to protest about? LGBT acceptance and rights. I already protest by having given up Chic-fil-a okay I care y'all. What’s the biggest blooper you’ve never lived down? Who knows... What is the best thing you have done just because you were told you can’t? Idk. I'm lucky to not have really been told that... What are you most thankful for? Thinking it all over, probably being born where I am. Boy is America FUCKED UP in some places, but boy would I be in a MUCH worse place if I was born in, say, North Korea, between my mental issues, sexuality, and opinions that can go to either end of the spectrum. How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? I love them! You can find the coolest, wackiest shit. What do you like to put gravy on? I hate gravy with a passion. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? No. What one thing in particular makes you feel good about yourself? I genuinely think I'm a nice person that has other's well-being in mind. What is priceless to you? Love, in any form. What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of? Uhhh. I guess more than anything, I'm proud of my distant cousin for her unwavering love for and loyalty to her daughter when it came to escaping the Middle East and her dictatorial husband. Read Not Without My Daughter, it's great. Do you keep a budget? I don't have an income. What makes you feel rested and refreshed? Rested, a good night's sleep following being truly exhausted. Refreshed, oh man, gimme a hot, long shower. Who depends on you the most? Nobody. Could you ever be someone’s bodyguard? Hell no. Has one of your biggest fears come true? Yes. I was entirely convinced the world would literally end if Jason left. That night still doesn't feel real. Have you ever let your mom or significant other fight a battle for you? Colleen and Mom once fought after I'd ignored her, so I guess? It wasn't my wish or anything though for her to do it; Mom had shit to say by her own volition, and I wasn't going to tell my mother "no you can't do that." Did you create a checklist for your ideal spouse? No? Have you ever ridden on a subway or train and what did you like about it? Nope. Do you have to experience something to fully understand it? Yes. What embarrasses you instantly? A LOT A LOT A LOT!!!!! It is SO easy to embarrass me, including second-handedly. Do you think you could be a firefighter, why/why not? Hell no, I'm most certainly not in the necessary shape, and quite honestly I'm not that willing to risk my life for random people that could be assholes. What do you think should be censored? Idk. I have mixed feelings on censorship, no matter how stupid it seems. Eh... yeah, idk. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? Queen Victoria and William Clark. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? Depends on who and obviously if we're even compatible. Have you ever fired a gun? No. What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? Sincerely caring for them, probably. Who is a female role model in your life? My mom, in some ways. What childhood dreams have you neglected? Jfc a lot, I don't want to think about it. What do you have trouble seeing clearly in your mind? My future, honestly. It's hard picturing my elderly days. Like I'm not suicidal anymore, I just don't really... realize I'll get there, I guess. I can't picture myself being old and alive. Would you travel to space if possible? No, too long of a trip. Are you an optimistic person? I'm a realist. Do you consider yourself more realistic OR idealistic? ^ Have you ever felt bi-curious? I started out accepting myself as bisexual through thinking myself as bicurious. I quickly realized "bisexual" was more accurate than "bicurious," but it was an easier thing to shift acceptance towards in regards to yourself when you thought you were straight for 21 years. Are you a fan of U.S. President Donald Trump? No sir. I agree with some of his ideas, but I hate him as an asshole person without a trace of manners. Do you know anyone with autism, mood disorders or learning disabilities? Multiple. I'd assume most people know someone who fits at least one criterion there. Are you green-eyed? Not exactly, but they definitely have a green hue to them. They're a gray/green blue. Would you consider UFC fighting and WWE real sports events? I think it's beyond debate that a lot of it is staged, but I mean, I guess to a degree? You still have to fight. It's physical exertion. Have you ever had an immediate relative pass away of cancer? No. Wait. I can't remember if my grandmother had cancer or not... but I don't think so. She was just old. Would you rather work in an office, warehouse or on a retail shop floor? An office, definitely. In my work-hunting as well as actual work experience, office work is probably the only job I could actually do that doesn't require a degree... Do you have a favorite wild animal? Why? You can't know me and not be fully aware meerkats are my favorite animal. Why? Ho boy. I love social species, and meerkats have such strong personalities, and holy shit are those little things brave as fuck. They're so GOSH DARN CUTE!!!! too, and their loyalty to each other is astounding. I love how playful and curious the little guys are, and... just wow okay, I could write an actual essay on how I adore meerkats so goddamn much. Do you have any unusual, uncommon phobias? I'm sure there are other people afraid of whale sharks, but I don't think it's common? And is an actual phobia of pregnancy uncommon? Idk. Do you prefer Android or iPhone? I hate my Android. I've had an iPhone in the past, and it was great. Are you a fan of sweet, sour, salty, or savory snacks? All, depending on my mood. Most often I'd say I like sweet. Do you believe climate change is real? We can't be friends if you don't. Do you believe in evolution OR creationism? Evolution. Do you think people can really predict the future? Nah. Have you been to a lot of shrinks? I hate that word. Just call them therapists. But yeah. How often do you clean your room? Not often enough. I need to dust... Any movies coming out soon that you want to see? I DESPERATELY wanna see the "Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark" one. Those books were my CHILDHOOD. What was the last fear you overcame? I don't know about totally overcame, but vocational rehab helped me quite a bit with answering the phone to numbers I didn't recognize. Have you ever hurt yourself trying to crack a body part? No, nothing on me really cracks. Well no, both my big toes do, but no, I haven't hurt myself trying to crack them. What’s the worst part about winter? The days where it's cold BUT ALSO WINDY asdkljfaklwej;awe Summer? It's too fucking hot and probably humid, too. Spring? POLLEN. Fall? Literally nothing. :') Are you allergic to anything? Pollen and silver. How many times have you changed a diaper in your life? Like, once. Which country has the most fascinating culture? Oh boy, idk. Who does your favorite song? Idrk what my current favorite song is. I say my all-time fave is "False Flags" by Massive Attack, but it's not something I constantly wanna listen to. I guess you could maybe say it's "Headache" by Motionless In White; I play and repeat that a lot. I've really been digging them lately. When was the last time you wore makeup? Shit dude, idk. Months ago. Do you prefer males or females or both? I'm generally afraid of men, but I mean, I don't "prefer" one over the other if he's a good guy. Where in your town do you go when you wanna chill with a few friends? I don't have any friends I go out with. But there's nowhere to go here anyway. Where’s the best place to get coffee? N/A Have you ever seen someone struggle with an addiction? My dad was an alcoholic, but he's recovered. He loved (idk if he still does it) fantasy football, too. Pretty sure I got my addictive personality from him, lol. When was the last time someone gave you flowers? Early 2017. Do you like cranberry juice? omfg NO. Do you play any zombie-killing video games? The Last of Us is fucking dope, but I didn't finish it before my PS3 broke. :'( I like the Resident Evil series too, and some of those games have zombies or similar creatures. And The Walking Dead game tears my heart out every fucking season. What is the dominating genre on your mp3 player/iPod? Varying forms of metal. Do you have a book shelf? No. What website do you spend way too much time on? YouTube is ALWAYS open. I constantly either watch let's players and a few other kinds of YTers, moving windows around so I can see it and do other things, or listen to music. Do you like wind chimes? I LOVE!!!!!!!!!! WINDCHIMES!!!!!!!!!! Do you have a fetish? No. Do you have a pet fish? No. Don't get me wrong, they're beautiful and calming, but not worth it for me personally. They don't have much of a personality at all, and cleaning a tank so much for just a fish isn't for me. Do you like kettle corn? (That sweet and salty popcorn) Yessss! Do you enjoy classic rock? Hell yeah, man. When was the last time you went for a walk, just cause? Not since I was at Sara's last. Do you listen to Type O Negative? No. Do you have any fillings or cavities? Yeah. Have you gotten your wisdom teeth taken out yet? No, and thankfully I don't need to. One was very close to needing to be, but it has just enough room. Do you actually read privacy policies when signing up for new things? "Depending on what I’m signing up for, I’m likely to at least skim it." <<< This. Did you have a lot of birthday parties when you were younger? If so, did you invite everyone in the class? I had a party every year up to... idk what age. And no, I only invited friends. Do you like when things are color coordinated? Yes. Have you ever participated in one of those “guess how many jelly beans, mints, etc. are in this jar!” contest? if so, have you ever won? Yeah, and no. Can you juggle? Nope. Have you ever mistaken a ringing phone on TV or in a movie for your own? Who hasn't? How often do you use bobby pins? Never. My hair's really too short for them. Well, I'd probably pin the right side up if I was doing something like cleaning. Do you live on an avenue, road, drive or something else? Road. What are your school colors? Blue and white. Have you ever taken a picture with Santa when you were little? Yeah. Have you ever rolled down a steep, grassy hill for fun? Actually yeah. Do you like Nerds candy? Yes I do.

#survey #quiz #questions #random #bored

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