#wow what a rant i just really had to get that out of my system

[rainbow-recipe]

y'all know cute rage with pets right? well that's what i have right now with the devil judge right now and it is KILLING ME

[katsutora]

— DIAL

ft. isagi yoichi ; itoshi rin ; nagi seishiro ; bachira meguru ; itoshi sae

summary: call routine with them

note: i’ve seen some shit bro. being on this hell-site changes you fr. tag system is an absolute bullshit too. i can’t link jackshit. wow too many “shit” mentioned. shit.

⚘ ISAGI YOICHI

ㅤㅤcalls you at a sensible hour if you haven’t agreed on a specific time. he knows your schedule by heart so don’t worry because he won’t bother you in the middle of work, etc. if you do have a call schedule, then he’ll make sure to call at exactly that time. can be very punctual about this and will start seeing everyone as bowling pins once he realizes he’s gonna be a minute late. they don’t call him a STRIKEr for nothing. will listen and rant equally! he always has interesting stories; wbk being in a call with isagi is never boring. also expect his teammates popping up in the background because of course they want to bonk him in the head after running them over know the person who can temporarily turn him into chigiri. ah yes, the furious yelling ambient noise, a classic. “isagi yoichi istg—” “get your ass back in here wtf was that about?!” “you have a competition, princess.” “EVERYONE STFU!!!” never fails to make you giggle. bonus: screenshots you laughing because he adores you sm <3

⚘ ITOSHI RIN

ㅤㅤhe has a routine and you’re in it: three times a day; square meal style. his early calls are short and mostly consist of “good morning”, “have you had breakfast yet”, and “take care”; (borrowing his word) lukewarm shit like that. i love you. even though he usually prefaces his afternoon/evening calls with “i pressed it on accident” (back to back for months straight? yea sure), it’s clearly an excuse because he just wants to hear your voice but his pride isn’t letting him. i love you. it has also recently been brought up to his attention that he can’t seem to sleep peacefully without hearing your voice first. so tell him something, anything, or don’t. he’ll settle with just the comfortable silence after a “hello”. it’s also the only time of the day he’ll say it loud and clear: “i love you”.

⚘ NAGI SEISHIRO

ㅤㅤwhat’s a timezone? it can be in the middle of the day after practice or he can randomly hit you up at 2am after losing yet another round of game. acts out of impulse: when he misses you that’s when he calls you. it’s mostly video calls too! props up his phone so you can see choki his beloved but gets so pouty when you open up the conversation with “how’s choki?” before he can even show you the cactus lmao. “y’re supposed to be asking about me ( ´•︵•` )” he loooves long calls too (re: letting you watch him play without him saying a word whatsoever and no he did not lose track of time + the game after dedicating his next win to you?). is absolutely against ending it unless you really need to go. rip your phone battery.

⚘ BACHIRA MEGURU

ㅤㅤyou’re like an emergency call button but for whenever there’s something crazy going on. his living diary. a breathing, talking, and confused log entry. that being said, he contacts you at least once a day without a fail. well, that’s actually an understatement because he keeps calling then hanging up after telling you one (1) sentence?? “chigiri just ran me over; ok bye!” “my mom painted something inspired by you; later!” “rin-chan just said we’re all lukewarm, boo— ow, ouch!” gotta rely on his teammates to inform you about his well-being because calling him back is no use. “meguru?” “[unintelligible] [intense fighting ensues]” it’s fine, he makes up for it by showing up at your door later in the day. you think it’ll be funny if you close the door as soon as he finishes a sentence? “hi!!” [door closing] “h-wha- you won’t believe what happened today—” [door closing #2] “?? ok so it wasn’t chigiri who ran me over but isag—” imagine doing this after every sentence to teach him a lesson lmfao.

⚘ ITOSHI SAE

ㅤㅤhonestly? in the middle of a fucking interview because man is so unhinged i tell you. “so sae, are you ready for the next match?” ugh, this is so boring. “wait let me ask my s/o.” ??? this is broadcasted live, btw. you think just because he has a tight schedule and it’s nearly impossible to have a free time he won’t call you? he’ll find a way, he always does. likes to call you at the end of the day too and will never lose to the “who can stay awake the longest” game. is more of a listener than a talker, so go ahead and talk his ears off. he doesn’t mind if it’s you + he loves being the last one to end the call, making sure you get some rest (ps: he’s counting on you to wake him up the next day). you’ll receive a call from his manager in the morning saying that he won’t answer his phone and that they’re gonna be late for the next event. “goddamnit sae, not again.”

© 2023 katsutora ; do not repost and/or translate and/or claim my works

[grippingbeskar]

salt, ice and fire | frank castle

chapter twenty six - you bring me home

frank castle x fem! reader

warnings: 18+ content minors dni! (car sex lmaooo, mxf nothing you haven’t seen before, its pretty sweet <3) swearing, canon typical violence, mention of scars, injuries, blood, literally packed everything into this chapter its a big one

a/n: wow. this was so rough oh my god. the entire first draft deleted itself and i had to re write the whole thing from memory, so i lost my planned chapter. i really hope i got everything in here, and im sorry for the wait AND how long it is lmao but i just. can’t believe i really finished it. ill rant at the end, but if you only read this part, i love you. thank you for letting me share the absolute vomit that is my brain. you are the best.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“How was the drive?” Franks voice sends a shiver down your spine, even hundreds of miles away through a crappy phone line.

“Boring.” You sigh, pacing around the tiny motel room.

“You were meant to call an hour ago. Got me waitin’ up for you.” He sounds tired, and it makes your heart skip a beat. It’s stupid, but the image makes you a little giddy. Waiting up for you. 

“There was… traffic.”

“You get lost?”

“Fuck you.” You bite automatically and he groans.

“So yeah?” 

“Yes, Frank. I got lost.” He laughs, the sound managing to take your mind off the dark room you’d managed to secure for the night, the bedside light doing nothing to brighten the small space.

“I gave you a map. It’s a straight shot from where you started.” Rolling your eyes, you look at the map you’d now bundled into a ball and thrown into the trash.

“Who uses a printed map? Seriously, how fucking old are you?” It’s playful and familiar, and all the frustration of driving for 10 hours melts into the bed.

Being a key witness in a now ongoing case apparently didn’t come with any frequent flyer miles, because both Matt and Frank had said you couldn’t risk going through airport security and being flagged in a system, so it meant you had to drive nearly 18 hours to Florida. You thought you didn’t mind road trips, but after today you think it’s only road trips with Frank you don’t mind.

“Maps don’t change, baby. Besides, you’d drive yourself into a god damn tree the second that voice in the car told you you’d missed a turn.” You hate that he’s right— even the thought of that monotone voice droning in your ear for ten hours makes you cringe.

“Whatever. Tell me about something. You said you were going to speak to Madani today?” He’s the one sighing now, and clearly the talk was about as fun as your drive.

“She’s all over the place. Some mishandled evidence fucked their entire case, and Bobby’s lawyers were too well paid to let it go. Murdock said they’ll be able to find more— the appeal’s already been approved cause of how high profile it is, but he’s got no new evidence. He said he doesn’t know if they can get him.”

“That’s… what I expected, I guess.” Frank agrees, and your sudden silence only serves to bring the real issue to hand. “You know where he is?”

“Yeah. I got it covered.” The line goes quiet, and you don’t really know what to say.

On one hand, you want Bobby dead. You know can’t do it- it wasn’t smart, and the last thing you were going to do is drag everything Matt and Madani had worked for through the mud for someone like him, let alone put Sam in danger. Some fucked up part of you is a little mad that it won’t be you, but Frank has every reason to hate him as much as you. You know Frank wants this, and that telling him to stop is like waving a red flag in front of a bull. Your hesitation would only spur him to do it faster, be more impulsive. You don’t want to say anything to put him off.

On the other, you just want him with you. You worry like some love sick child, scared he’s walked out the door and isn’t coming back. You worry he’ll get caught, and end up in the exact spot he was trying to get you out of. You’re scared he’ll get hurt, or worse. Every time you close your eyes you can see him bleeding out, dark red staining your hands until you can scream yourself awake. There’s so many things that could go wrong, and ten hours staring over the hood of your car gives you way too much time to think about hypotheticals.

“It’s gonna be okay.” Frank says softly, and you flop yourself back on the single bed.

“Are you?” He huffs like the question is irrelevant.

“Madani asked about your dad today.” He ignores the question, and you’re too interested to poke him on it.

“Oh?”

“Asked what he knew about your time there. If he ever worked with the Gnucci’s.” A lump forms in your throat.

“You think she knows about the weird... blood stuff?”

“Don’t see why she would. Either way, it’s not gonna matter once he’s dead.” The bluntness of it almost makes you laugh. “He’ll be gone, and no one will come for it. Or you.”

“You don’t have to do this for me, Frank.”

“I’m not.” He pauses, and then sighs. “Alright, I am, but not just that. The shit he said to me in there— the things he said about you. The way he looked at you in there… I watched that shit, and there’s no way in hell that asshole does what he did and lives.”

“What if he was found guilty? Would you of left it alone?” Maybe if you’d been more helpful to Matt and Madani, it would of gone better, and Frank would be here.

“You want me to answer that?” A part of you knew he wasn’t going to let it go. That wasn’t who he was. It shouldn’t make you feel the way it does to know that Frank would kill for you— just to make you safe. It does anyway, and heat flushes over your face.

“Maybe you shouldn’t.” He agrees, a low sound rumbling from his end of the phone. “I spent most of the day wishing you were with me, you know.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Turns out I fucking hate driving.” He laughs again, and if you could listen to the sound all night you think you’d sleep peacefully.

“You remember how mad you were that first time I didn’t let you drive?” Shaking your head, you flick off the lights slide under the covers.

“I was mad because you had a concussion and tried to fucking kill us.”

“Least I was gonna go the right way.”

“You tried switching drivers on the freeway, Castle.”

“Alright, I was a a bit out of it.” He says plainly and you smile so wide it hurts your cheeks. “Wished you were here, too.”

“I bet you did.” He groans, and you hear him shift on the bed. Your bed.

“Too much space in here. Didn’t even know we had this much blanket.” He makes a real noisy show of it, tossing around the blankets you usually roll yourself up in. It’s meant to be a light hearted thing, but for some reason the idea of Frank spread out on your shared bed, one that you’ve both used extensively— it makes your heart race.

“Dickhead.” He groans again, shuffling around some more. “This one’s too small. Probably have to sleep on top of each other if you were here.”

“M’alright with that.”

“Not a lot of room to move, though.” You look around at the room, hardly enough space to stand in the corner.

“We’d figure something out.” You let your eyes flutter closed, humming high pitched at the idea. “What are you thinkin’ about, sweetheart?”

“You.” You admit, and he seems to like it.

“Me too. Haven’t gone a night in this apartment without fuckin’ you in this bed. Drivin’ me crazy.” You hum again, pressing your thighs together to try and dissipate the heat that’s suddenly overtaken your whole body. “You thinkin’ about it now too, aren’t you baby?”

“Yeah, Frank.”

“Don’t say my name like that.” He growls, and you bite your lip to hide your laugh.

“Why not, Frank?” You practically purr the word, drawing it out and saying it all breathy like you do when he’s teasing you.

“Cause you’re gonna make me drive ten hours just to fuck you in whatever dirty motel you pulled off into.” You’re still smiling, but you think if you keep messing with him, he’d do it. He’d drive ten hours, a hundred of them if it meant teaching you a lesson. Or just being with you. “I’ll see you soon. Real soon, yeah?”

“Yeah.” You breathe out, knowing if you keep talking to him your entire plan will crumble in front of you, because you’re half considering driving home just to sleep next to him. “Soon. Be safe, okay?”

The words tumble out, and you try to hide the guilt you feel when you say them. He was only not safe because of you— because you couldn’t finish the job yourself. You’re glad he can’t see your face, because you hear him mumble on the other end and your eyes close listening to him.

“Always. Tell the kid I said hi.” With that, Frank hangs up the phone, and you slide it onto the table right next to the pistol you keep loaded and ready to fire.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Frank pulls the saturated beanie over his head, and it’s probably doing more harm than good at this point, but he doesn’t have a second to really give a shit. His eye-line is perfect— directed straight into the penthouse apartment Bobby Gnucci was driven to three hours ago. He’s been tucked away in the corner of the rooftop for just as long, watching the man pace and yell on the phone.

It had taken him a few goes to get the right frequency to listen in on the calls he was making, but once he had he took as much information done as he could. He’d had enough of watching, and now he was satisfied with the phones calls he’d listened to that the man was alone for the night; not counting his extensive security team layered through the apartment block. Frank felt the familiar hum in his veins, shoving his loaded pistol in his jeans and swinging the strap of a rifle over his shoulder, he headed down the stairs, across the street and slipped into the back of the building.

There’d be witnesses if he didn’t take the right route, and to make this work he needed every chance at an alibi he could get. He was so used to not caring— every time he’d gone into something like this, he didn’t have something to get back to. He had no preservation, no concern for what came after. Hell, if he was honest, he didn’t care if he went out doing something like this. He would of preferred it, maybe even hoped he’d die somewhere in the cross fire.

Even just talking to you on the phone had him itching to get back to you now. He wanted to be careful— something he never really thought of before. A heavy ache in his stomach that twisted something violent when he thought about not getting home, not making good on his promise from a few hours ago, it made him sick. He planned as much as he could, as much as he was capable of, and hoped to God it was enough.

Frank hid his body behind the corner of the wall. He hid his face, too, even though he’d already had Micro’s help shutting out the cameras. He knew it would set off alarms for the security team, but he planned for that. They’d spread out, follow orders that he’d listened to over the radio, three men on all the entries and exits, and then ten through the penthouse. If he timed it right, he could clear the first few levels before the guards arrived.

He didn’t care about making noise now— slamming his way up the fire access while Gnucci’s men no doubt got into position. He’d just past a number 6, and Bobby was on the top floor. 23. He kept going, not hearing any doors open. When he passed 9, the door on the level below him cracked open and he jammed through the next exit he reached, getting into position.

He could hear voices coming from his right, and steadied himself as he turned the safety off his gun. He had a small army of men to get through, but he knew if he could make it, landing the hit on Bobby would be easy.

He wasn’t nervous. Pure adrenaline flooded him, like it always did, and he didn’t think twice before standing out of cover and pulling the trigger.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“How have you grown so much?!” You nearly shout, hugging Sam tighter as he all but latches onto your leg. “God, you’re gonna be my height soon.”

“I missed you!” He says, words muffled in your jacket. You don’t even have to bend really, he’s that tall. It is even possible for him to grow that much in just a month? “Come! I want to show you my stuff. Me and Niko share a room, and it’s the coolest thing…”

You let him drag you around the house, showing you the bunk beds that are set up for him and Nikolai. He shows you books he’s brought home from school, and it makes you smile how chaotic his room is. There’s piles of books and papers everywhere, stuffed under the bed and nearly toppling on the tables. It looks like it’s lived in… like a home, and your heart warms and breaks all at once.

When he finally finishes his impromptu tour, he pulls you outside where the rest of the family has set themselves up, and runs out into the giant back yard to chase after Nikolai. You hardly had a chance to say hello to them, but if you were honest you hadn’t thought of anything but Sam since you saw him.

“Did he show you the bunk beds?” The doctor— Zaed, you remind yourself, comes up behind you on the deck. “He hasn’t stopped talking about showing you.”

“I thought he was gonna explode.” Zaed laughs, and you turn to look at him. He’s still sporting a scar across his forehead, and it somehow makes his older features look slightly hardened. His face was still soft, something about him gesturing kindness, an observation you never made in the months you were locked away. “He told me you made them.”

“It took me weeks. I am not very… handy.” Smiling, you turn back to watch Sam and Nikolai screaming and laughing as they chase each other with Nerf guns. “I am sorry for what happened with the case.”

“So am I. If he’d gone away, you wouldn’t have to stay in Witness Protection.” He nods, turning away for a second only to return and offer you a can of something. “What is it?”

“It’s Russian. You’ll like it— it’s strong.” You crack it open and take a long drink, hoping to drown the rising anxiety that kneads the back of your mind at the thought of what Frank was doing right now. “We don’t mind it so much here.”

“Florida?” He nods.

“We want to stay. Corinne thinks the children— with what they’ve been through, shouldn’t move too much. They seem happy here.” You hum in agreement, listening  to the light squeals of the youngest girl, who’s name you haven’t learnt yet, who’s got the biggest Nerf gun of all and is shooting the shit out of both boys. “It was my idea. To offer to take him in. If you are upset, please lay the blame with me—“

“Upset? God, why would I ever be upset?” He blinks in surprise, looking to you.

“You are here with him, and yet you still seem far away. I figured the suggestion was weighing on you. We only offer because… well, we have all grown quite fond of him, and for you— to you we owe our lives. I thought if we could make any of this easier…” You shake your head, finishing the bitter liquid in the can.

“You looking after Sam is about one of two good things I have going right now.” Zaed seems to relax, leaning forward onto the railing as you both stare out to watch the kids. “I think he’s happy here.”

“He is. He misses you, but he is happy.”

“And safe.”

“Of course. I pity anyone who would try to get past Corinne now.” You laugh at the tinge of genuine anxiety in his voice, as if he imagines it, but his eyes are full of admiration.

“I want to talk to him about it… make sure he’s okay, but if he wants to, I think him staying here would be the best thing for him.” Zaed doesn’t answer right away, just lets the echoed laughter of the kids fill both of your ears before he nods simply.

“He will be safe. And I am sure you will learn to love Florida, too, with how much you will visit?”

“What?” Again, a look of surprise crosses his face.

“Sam did not show you the spare room? We have cleared a space for you— whenever you need it. You… it is the least I could do. You saved my life—“

“Hardly.”

“I owe you it. My families life. My own. Whatever you should need here, the door would be open to you.” You have to look away, because it’s too much, and you don’t know when you became so soft that shit like this made you tear up.

“You don’t owe me anything. You keeping Sam safe is everything I ever wanted. I think we’re even now.” You laugh, your throat suddenly feeling a little tight.

“I couldn’t help but notice you arrived alone.” He questions, and you hide your face, unsure if the way you chew on your bottom lip gives too much away.

“Yeah.” No amount of alcohol could drown out the thought of Frank. You hadn’t heard from him in a day. Zaed looks at you, his eyes crinkling as he assess you.

“I thought he was going to drown with you that night. When he saw you go into the water… I recognise that look in a man’s eyes.” It seems so long ago now, and your hand instinctively goes to your stomach, where Frank sewed you up the first time. “He is coming soon, I assume? I doubt he would let you get too far from him right now.”

“Yeah, he’s…” You trust Zaed— but there’s only one person who takes precedent over the people taking care of your brother. “He’s just finishing up some stuff with the case in New York. He should be on his way now.”

“Ah.” He says, his eyes lingering on you in question. You say nothing, just sink a little more of the can. “Well, when he kills the ублюдок, I hope he makes it last.”

Before you can recover and wipe the shock off your face long enough to ask him how the hell he guessed what Frank is doing, Sam and Nikolai are in front of you, and Zaed disappears back into the house.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Frank grunts, a loud nearly animalistic sound vibrating off the walls as he clears the 23rd floor. Every time he breathes out, blood sprays out of his mouth. He can’t tell if it’s his own or he’s just covered in so much that it’s dripping off him. Either way he can’t help it, chest burning for oxygen after he laid the lower floors to absolute waste.

He’d ditched the assault rifle somewhere between the 18th and 19th floors, not even bothering to pull out his pistol. No— he’d fought every single one of them with his bare hands, and anything he could find scattered between dead bodies.

His right hand was fucked, and he’s pretty sure he got shot. Somewhere on the right side of his body, there’s a shooting pain between his thigh and his ribs, but it’s not enough to slow him down. He shoves his body weight into the penthouse door, throwing himself into guards he knows are ready and waiting for him. He reaches for his pistol, shooting three guys in the head before his eyes adjust to the dimmer lights in the room.

He hears them shouting orders, and he kills three more as he crosses the living room. One of them he puts through the TV screen, glass shattering under his hand as he crushes the man’s skull between the hard surface. The other two he shoots, and then moves towards the last four. All of them shield the door to the bedroom— putting their lives on the line for a man who doesn’t deserve the air he’s wasting.

Frank doesn’t have a moral compass when it comes to revenge. Not when it has to do with the people he loves. It’s why he clears the round of bullets in his gun on all four of them in less than thirty seconds, watching the lifeless bodies pile up in the doorway, there isn’t a single moment that he hesitates.

“Bobby!” Frank shouts, his voice horse and so loud he’s got no doubt the dead hear it.

He hears shuffling, and drops the pistol before stomping his way through into the bedroom. He sees Bobby, crawling across the floor in an attempt to reach for a gun dropped by one of the guards, but just as he goes to reach for it, Frank slams a bloody boot down on top of his hand, feeling the crush of bone under his weight.

“Fuck!” He shouts, and Frank smiles sickly, blood dripping from his teeth. “Get the fuck off me, you animal!”

Frank kicks him in the face, two of his teeth flying out and scattering across the carpet. As he rolls over, Frank grabs him by the collar and sits him up, watching his head lull to the side.

“Wake up.” Frank slams his fist into his skull. There was no way he was passing out this fast. Not after what he’s done. “Wake the fuck up.”

His hands shake with how hard he’s holding Bobby upright. So hard he feels the bone of his collar begin to give, and Frank chases the idea. Bobby thrashes, screaming as his eyes shoot open, the sound kicking Frank back into gear. He lets go of his shoulder long enough to pull back, only to drive his fist and crack the rest of his shoulder.

“Help m—“ Bobby tries to shout, but Frank shuts him off with another well placed shove of his weight into Bobby’s stomach, winding him. He wheezes, the pathetic sound something like music to Franks ears.

He punches him again— over and over. Not enough to kill him, though. No, Frank wasn’t done, he was just feeding the thrill. He’d been waiting too fucking long for this, and there was something satisfying about seeing this man— this weak excuse for a man being blinded by his own blood as he cries for someone to help him.

“Ain’t no one comin’ for you.” He growls, and grabs Bobby’s face so it hangs straight. His jaw is slack, but his eyes go wide when he feels the blade at his ribs. “You know that? That there ain’t a single person out there comin’ for you. No one gives a shit about you. You’re alone in here— your life in my hands.”

“Haaa—“ Bobby tries but whatever it is fades out into a scream when Frank slides the blade between his third and fourth rib. Slowly— real fucking slow. “They… they’ll come. Th-They’ll come f-for me.”

“No one’s comin’. Dead. All of ‘em. You’re alone.” He slides it a little deeper, watching the realisation wash over his face.

In truth, Frank wasn’t doing this for him. Sure, it felt fucking good, and Frank was enjoying the sight of the life draining out of his eyes, but he wants him to know why. Why he’s here, why he took out every last man in this building so he knew there was no hope. No one for him to go to.

He knew that’s what it was like for you. Frank couldn’t give you back those years, and he couldn’t take that much time with this— he’d thought about it, but he wanted this to end here and now. He could do this here, for you. Could make him know just how it feels to have all that power beat out of you, and know that there’s no one out there coming to save you.

“Stop…stop!” He wails, and Frank hits him harder. Every crack of his fist sends Bobby further into unconsciousness, and when he manages to stop himself, he shakes him awake again.

He gurgles on his own blood, dark red pools choking out of his mouth. His face is unrecognisable, already starting to blow up as he strangles in a few short breaths.

“I can… I have money. I can p—“ The effort of the words sprays another load of blood out of his mouth, and even though he’s exhausted, Frank laughs.

“You think I want money?” He leans down, yanking the knife out of his ribs and shoving it in again.

“Fuck! What do you—what do you want?!” Bobby wails again. Frank smiles.

“I want you to know that she’s the reason you’re dead. The last thing you’ll know is me— my face, and you’ll know it’s because you ended up just like you made her. Except she got out, and you never will.” Frank loses sense of time, his injuries starting to catch up with him as he yanks the knife out one more time, before slamming it home into Bobby’s skull.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“I’m watching!” You shout as Sam lines up again, taking a few steps back before rushing forward and kicking the ball towards their make shift goal in the yard. You have to admit, for only been playing a few weeks, he’s got a hell of a kick on him.

“See! I’m getting better— my coach says next year I can try out for the first grade team if I keep training!” He’s smiling so big, and then he’s gone again, picking up the ball to take another shot at Nikolai who’s got goalkeeper gloves on, ready to catch it.

You’d be happy to watch this all day, but then Corinne calls out to you, telling you your phone is ringing, and you all but leap over the railing of the deck. When you race inside, you expect to see Franks name, and your heart sinks when you don’t. You knew he wouldn’t be able to call until it was over, but it’s been nearly two days since you’d heard anything. Then, you see it’s an unknown number calling, and your hands are shaking when you disappear into what is meant to be ‘your’ room to answer.

“Hello?” You recognise the voice instantly when she says your name. “Fucking hell, Karen. You scared me. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, but are you?!” She nearly shouts, and you are still coming back to your mind with relief it wasn’t someone telling you Frank was dead. “I don’t even know how you did it, but I don’t want to. The way they found him… Jesus.”

“Wait. What? Karen, I’m in Florida.”

“What?”

“I’m with my brother in Florida. I came up here two days ago after the trial.” She goes quiet, and you can hear the commotion in the background. Remembering it’s a Tuesday, and that she must be at work, it only furthers your suspicions. “Who’s dead?”

“Bobby is. They found him. They found his body— but…”

“Karen, tell me.” All you need to hear is Frank wasn’t found. That he got out of there before anyone saw him. It would be your fault— all of it would be your fault if he was found. You needed to get back, you needed—

“Sorry. Sorry, I just thought… with everything that happened before, I thought it might of been you. Bobby’s dead, but… there’s nearly 50 men in the building with him. They’re all dead. And Bobby; he was hardly recognisable. It took them nearly 24 hours to identify him.”

“24 hours?” Frank needed to get out of New York as soon as he killed Bobby. If the police had been crawling around there for nearly a day… “Karen, I gotta go. Thank you for calling.”

You cut it off before she responds, and call the only number saved in your phone. It only rings twice before he answers, and you could nearly cry when you hear his voice.

“Stop fuckin’ ringin’ me, Murdock. I don’t know shit and I’m busy.” He grumbles through the phone, and you choke out something between a laugh and a sob. “Oh, fuck. Sorry— hey, sweetheart. Was just about to call you.”

“It’s… did the— job go okay?” You try to calm your voice as best you can, knowing that if anyone traces the call he’s done for.

“It took me longer than I thought. Had to get stitched up, then Curtis drove me halfway— passed out for most of it.” Before you can ask, he answers. “I’m fine, don’t do that.”

“You’re okay?” Relief floods your body, phone nearly slipping out of your hand with how hard you were gripping it. “Everything’s… everything’s okay?”

“Come see for yourself. I’m pulling up.” Like a kid on Christmas, you toss the phone and basically sprint to the front door, hearing an unfamiliar truck rumble down the isolated street.

He’s driving, clearly having ditched Curtis, but when he gets out he’s got a limp, and his hand is bandaged. You don’t run, instead you stand in the driveway and soak up the image— Frank; leaning against the door of the truck, sunglasses covering up what you have no doubt are black eyes. Alive. Favouring his left side and still with dried blood on his head, but fucking here.  

“You’re hurt.” You say it when you finally reach him, but it sounds pathetic, closer to the tone you’d whimper his name in.

“Don’t worry about it.” He says huskily and reaches out, yanking you forward and slamming his mouth to yours.

The soft touch of his bandaged hand is opposite to the greedy grasp of his free one, the one wrapping around your back and fisting the material of your shirt, pressing so you were flush against him. Both of your hands cup his face, feeling the rough surface of his skin. You lose yourself in the taste of him as your fingers trace the patterns of scars peppering around his head— a constellation you’ve memorised a million times over, and yet it still feels as illuminating as the first.

He groans your name, sliding his hand up to grip your jaw, thumb tugging on your bottom lip. You lean back slightly, staying at close to him as possible. His eyes look you up and down, and there’s a glint in his eye; a hunger that never seems to be satiated when he looks at you. He’s still feverish for it, and it makes your toes curl in your shoes.

“Fuckin’ missed you.” He mumbles against your lips, and it makes you smile against his.

“I can tell.” His other hand forgets it’s injury as he searches your body, gripping your hips and pressing you closer.

“Get Sam. Let’s go home.” He tucks his head lower, mouth kissing under your jaw, and as much as you do want to get the fuck out of here with him, you pull away.

“He’s… he’s staying here.” Frank pushes the sunglasses off his face, looking at you through what is actually only one bruised eye.

“Staying?” You nod. “You sure?”

“I talked to him about it. He fucking loves it here, Frank. He didn’t want me to go again, but you should of seen him with them. They treat him like their own, and he adores them. It’s so much better than anything I could of thought.” Frank wraps his arms around your back and hugs you right, and your eyes flutter closed. “And you can’t just leave. They’re expecting you to come in and say hi.”

“Why?” The way he says it makes you laugh, as if you’d just asked him to drink gasoline.

“Come on.” You tug him by the wrists, and even though he groans and leans on you up the driveway, you both stagger inside and follow the sounds of Sam’s laughter, leaving everything else behind.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“They were being nice.” You haven’t wiped the smile off your face since you slid into the passenger seat this morning. “Well, I slept great. I don’t know what you’re complaining about.”

“Mhmm.” Frank grumbles, clearing having a much worse sleep than you did.

It was sweet, and truely, you wanted to take them up on it. When Frank dragged himself through the front door of  where Sam had been staying, everyone had nearly jumped on him. Sam couldn’t contain himself, clearly trying to play it cool but simultaneously thinking Frank was the coolest person he’d ever met. It was sweet, the way Frank was with the kids, the sight making you both smile and want to cry.

Either way, when Corinne and Zaed had offered for you both to stay the night, Frank agreed and all but dragged you down the hallway after dinner. The spare room was nice— set up clearly for two people, and you were only human.

It would have been perfect— had the room not been sharing a wall with your brother and his new best friend. A very fucking thin wall. One that was nearly vibrating with how loud they screamed every five minutes playing some game on the TV. The louder they were, the more it became apparent that neither of you would be getting a lot of sleep, and not in the good way.

Having Frank that close all night but not being able to do anything about it reminded you of the start of this whole thing. How you shared a bed with him but had to force yourself to keep your hands to yourself. It was borderline painful, but eventually you managed to drift off to sleep, not missing how hard Franks hands were gripping your hips like he had to physically cement himself to stop from fucking you through the bed.

When you woke up, Frank had all your shit shoved in the car, and was outside cooking pancakes with Sam. You took your time saying goodbye— making sure to thank both Corinne and Zaed properly, and then promising you’ll be back. Soon. ‘So soon you won’t even have time to miss me’ you’d promised Sam, and he grinned and hugged you before disappearing to get ready for school.

“Where are we going, anyway?” Frank looked to you before shifting in his seat, one of his hands resting on your thigh and squeezing.

“Got a stop to make before getting back to New York.”  You’d been driving for a while now— about half way between New York and where you’d left Sam. You turned in your seat, resisting the urge to roll your eyes.

“Don’t be cryptic.” You try to sound assertive, but you can’t seem to hold any resentment when you could feel the warmth of him palm on your thigh.

“It’s close, alright? Promise.” The words eased something in your chest, the same way his smile did when he looked at you.

A small silence drifted between you as a Billy Joel song hummed softly on the radio, and your head dropped, eyes tracing over the bruises left on his knuckles. Your fingers dance around them, careful to keep your touches light. You follow the lines of black and blue up over his wrist, watching them disappear under the arm of his jumper. Your curiosity gets the better of you, and when you push up the sleeve just slightly, you swear loudly.

“Fucking hell! Is this broken?” You pull the sleeve up higher, and you tighten your grip on his wrist when he goes to pull away. If you hadn’t watched him so closely, you would of missed the way he winced, and you let go immediately. “Sorry. Sorry— fuck, Frank. Is this all from—“

“I’m fine. Just a couple scratches.” He says, keeping his blackened eyes trained on the road. It would of been easy to miss— not seeing him without clothes since he’d come back. Bile rises in your throat at the thought he was hurt because of you— because he was doing this for you. Suffering for you. Like he has the entire time.

“Are you lying?” He shakes his head, and you lightly poke him in the side. He hissed loudly, flinching away from you and swerving the car. “Pull over.”

“I’m not pulling over.” Frank groans.

“You’ve been driving for hours, just—“

“It’s fine. We only got a few more miles till—“

“Please.” There must have been something in your voice, some kind of soft vulnerability that even he isn’t used to hearing, and then the car is pulling off the side of an empty highway, dusk rolling over the hood of the truck.

You reach out, pulling the sunglasses off his face to reveal him slowly. This part you’ve seen, but it still knocks the wind out of you. The cut along his cheekbone, not deep enough to need stitches but you know it will scar over. His right eye is a deep purple, the left nearly green. You go to draw your fingers over his face, but hesitate, worried you’ll hurt him. He sees you pulling back and catches your wrist, placing your palm between his cheek and his own hand.

“Don’t do that.” You choke out a laugh, smoothing your hand over and back into his slightly longer hair, pulling him closer over the console of the car.

“I’m not doing anything.” You say softly, something guilty in your voice. When he hears it, he shakes his head at you.

“Can read you like a book. You got nothin’ to do with this, alright?”

“I have nothing to do with it?” You want to laugh. “I’m the reason you were there. The reason all this happened.”

“I would of been in the same place with or without you. This part?” He gestures to himself, his torso that you know all too well is littered with scars. “This isn’t a part you blame yourself for.”

“But it is. My fault.” He opens his mouth but you talk first. “All of this… watching those kids today, watching Sam— all I ever did was put him in danger. And you. It’s better for him to be there, away from all this. Away from me. Maybe now all this is over, it would be better…safer, if you—“

“Stop. I don’t wanna hear that shit. You know how selfish you sound?” You blink a few times, eyes meeting his. At some point he’s leaned even closer, and you can feel the heat of his body thawing you out. “You’re right— I wouldn’t of gone back to New York the past two days if it wasn’t for you. You know why?”

“Listen—“

“No. I wouldn’t of gone back because I would of killed that asshole six months ago and been home in time for dinner. I’ve been doin’ this a long time, and there’s nothin’ you could of done that would of changed how this ended.” He holds your face up to his, rough hands holding you as gently as they could, and his thumb traces the scar just above your eyebrow. “Sam is safe with them, but don’t think for one fuckin’ second he’s better off without you. God knows I’m not. You’ve done nothin’ but good for that kid, and I’d… fucking hell. I’d be dead without you, you know that?”

“No you wouldn’t.” Your voice was so soft it hardly broke the silence, but he leaned in, his forehead pressing to yours. “You could probably jump out of a building and walk it off.”

“Maybe. But now I gotta be careful nd’ come home to you, don’t I?” He smiles, and then kisses you and you forget where you are. Words die on your tongue and are replaced by the taste of him, mind freezing over when he touches you. He does it every time. Every time he manages to take your breath away with one whisper of your name, one swipe of his thumb over your mouth. It’s intoxicating and dependant, something you never thought you’d want, but it feels so good with him. His hands drop to your waist, their pull demanding and needy as he yanks you up and over the centre console and onto his lap.

“I’d do it again. All of it. Kill every single—“ You kiss him again, squeezing your eyes shut, and he groans as you shift on his lap. “Fuck, baby we should wait till…”

“Till when?” You say breathlessly, and despite his words his hands are already sneaking underneath your shirt, his cool hands meeting your feverish skin. You can hardly keep your eyes open, and your hips roll forward again, seeking him out. “I want you now, Frank.”

“Fuck it. Doesn’t matter.” He says and then crashes into you, your back nearly pressing against the dash with how quick he moves. Your gasp of surprise is lost in his mouth, and you can feel the sparks he makes in your chest crackling their way through you, toes curling in your shoes.

Your half bent backwards, legs in either side of his as he keeps your chest pressed to him, both arms wrapping around you to hold you steady. You tug at his shirt helplessly, getting it stuck around his arm and he smiles against your mouth, leaning back to look at you before whipping it over his head.

In the dark of the room last night you wouldn’t of seen it, but now the lights streaming in from the car window, and Franks torso is nearly a rainbow in it— blue, purple and green bruises all up his side, with a short but deep cut on the low right side of his abdomen. He’s taken the bandage off it too early, the stitches still healing, but you can tell it’s expert work. Much better than the botched job you did a month or so back, something he still bares the reminders for.

“Just… just a couple scratches, huh?” He grunts something illegible and hauls you back to him.

“Shut up.” He keeps you pressed close, not giving you a chance to say something back, but then his hands dip lower and you’re a goner.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Yeah. Fuck waiting.

He’s got you here— now, on top of him, and he can’t even fucking think of anything else. Your hands are being so gentle and cautious when he really couldn’t care less about the pain, but you do. You always do.

He wasn’t gonna waste another second, and seeing your eyes close the second he got your pants off and dipped his hands between your legs… it’s pretty much as close to heaven as he was going to get.

You fall forward, Frank catching you with one arm and pulling you close while the other continues slow, teasing circles just how he knows gets you all worked up. Your head tucks away into his neck, and he lets you hide for now, but when he’s got you home— real home, then he’ll be able to look at you as much as he god damn wants.

Your hips move against him, chasing his slow rhythm, and he feels your teeth scrape agains this neck, wordlessly rushing him along. 

“You need me that bad?” He says lowly, and watches in awe the way his words wash over you and yank you closer to the edge. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Shouldn’t of left you so needy—“

“Fuckkk… right there—please.” Your voice was so high it cracks a little, and it fucking sets him on fire.

“Get my belt for me, baby.” He whispers, feigning a bit of self control as he watches you quickly fumble with the buckle. The slight brush of your hands could finish him then and there, and he had to squeeze his eyes shut to try and remember why he wanted to wait. He had just one more card to play— one that you’d seen him play a few times before, but he doesn’t think you expect it this time, and he needed some semblance of composure to remember it.

A real house, white picket fence and all, smack bang on halfway between New York and Florida. He couldn’t leave New York, not ever, but he had a new anchor now, one that deserved to have it all.

Frank planned to take you straight home. Make a ten hour drive and keep his hands to himself, but how the fuck could he when you were like this? Looking like you do, touching him so fucking sweet and soft and saying how much you missed every part of him— it was a dream come to life, and one of the few moments he’d let himself go in.

You shuffle as close as the seat allows, your now naked chest pressing against his. He dips his head, kissing your jaw, and he’s suddenly surrounded by you. Arms around his neck, warm and soft as your fingers thread in his hair, both of you moan at the feeling of him sliding into you. It’s white hot and nearly painful, how even with the way you’re dripping down your thighs, it still takes you a second to take him all the way. You wriggle your hips, trying to settle yourself and Frank nips at your neck, slowing your pace just slightly. He can hear you sigh, but you listen. You always fucking do.

“Shit— so fucking good. You can take it.” He hums and runs his hands over your skin. You lean into the touch, and when you sigh again he sinks your hips lower, a short punch of your name bursting from his chest when you slam yourself down. “Fuck. There you go.”

He’s a wreck underneath you, and your hands slither away from his hair to his face when you pull him up to kiss you. As much as he loves the feeling of your hips grinding down ever so slightly right now, it’s this part he loves the most. The slow intimacy of it— how he knows he can stay right here for the rest of the day and nothing will change. He can feel how much you love it, how much care you handle him with, and it cracks something old and hard in his gut.

You shudder as he lifts his hips, keeping your mouths together and kissing hungrily. He’d think you’d both been starved for a year the way you two act, but he’d admit it to anyone that asked that he was gone for you. He knows it well and true, in his chest and in the way you bounce in his lap, moaning into his mouth like he’s breathing air into your burning lungs.

“Fuck— fuck, I love you. I fucking… Jesus Christ, you’re so good. I love you.” He can’t shut himself up, and your breath gets faster. He knows you love it when he talks. “C’mon, baby. Let me see you— wanna feel you. I know you want to.”

“Slow… Frank, you’re gonna hurt yourself—“ You suck in a breath and squeeze your eyes shut. His hands stay tight on your hips, and he feels the pleasure buzz under his palms, your skin nearly alight with it on top of him. “Oh my god, don’t stop.”

He wraps his forearm around you and fucks you harder, any pain and injury burnt out by how tight you are around him, and how perfect you fit him. He’s close, so close that he’s hardly able to kiss you now. You both collide in a mess of tongues and sighs, and when he hears you croak out his name into his mouth, he knows you’re cumming for him.

He can’t hold himself back, chasing you into that high with blinding abandon. It hits him like a freight train, bowing him over you like he’s taken a hit, but it feels so good he can’t register that he isn’t breathing like this. He keeps kissing you until he’s sure he’s going to pass out, and only stops when you pull away, eyes darting to the highway where headlights slowly flicker on the horizon.

“Shit.” You say breathless, and you laugh. He can feel it, the sound shuddering through him from where he was still deep inside you, and your giggles soon turned to something less innocent when you heard Frank groan into your chest. “C’mon. Someone’ll see us.”

“Don’t move yet.” He puts his hands on your waist, fanning them out to reach as much of you as possible.

“Mhmm.” It’s like your body gives out at his request, slumping forward and moulding into him like you were made to fit this way. This was what he was talking about. The way you fit together— something that should be out of the question for him fits so right. “I love you, too.”

“Mhmm.” He copies and feels you smile against his skin. His hands trail up your spine, tracing the line of bones lightly to leave goosebumps in his wake. “What time is it?”

“Who gives a fuck?” You mumble, the words half muffled into his neck.

“I want you to see the house in the light, but you wanna go at it blind, be my guest.” It takes you a second, a scoff coming out of you before you sit up abruptly, making him groan again.

“House? What house? Another safe house.” Frank couldn’t keep a secret to save his life when it came to you.

“It’s a house. Twenty minute drive from here.”

“But New Yorks not—“

“I know. Good thing we got cars, yeah?” Your eyebrows are crossed together, and Franks thumb slips over the small scar he left on your face. The movement shifts your gaze to something softer, and he feels the brush of your eyelashes on his finger as you blink up at him.

“You did it on purpose. It’s right in the middle.” You say softly. “Jesus, Frank. You didn’t have to… I mean you—“

“Take a breath. I didn’t buy it. Was a gift from the US Goverment. One thing those guys are good for is their money. I just picked the spot.” He could nearly hear the rave of your heart, and you crushed yourself into him, words hushed and mumbled into his ear, but they melt him to the core all the same.

He’ll never get over hearing you say things like this to him. That you’re grateful for him, that he’s doing a good thing. It’s like nothing he did before you was ever good enough. There was always the next job, always the next group to track, but nothing would be enough. There wasn’t a light at the end of the tunnel for him. But here you were, telling him that he was the reason you were gonna be alright, and if he squints he can see it. The flicker of something hopeful, and if he holds onto you as tight as he can, he might just live to see it light him on fire.

“Did you say… you said twenty minutes from here. Why didn’t we just wait until—“

“Would’ve ruined the surprise.” You laugh again, and the feeling has him gripping you tighter. He leans closer to whisper in your ear, his voice low. “And I wanted to fuck you here and now. Don’t want there to be a single fuckin’ surface where I ain’t had you.”

“Better get driving then, Castle. Sounds like you got a job to do.” The glint in your eye nearly makes him drag you outside and bend you over the hood, but the kiss you give him after is sickeningly sweet, so much so that he lets you slide off him and back into the passenger seat without so much as a nip of his teeth. “Tha–”

“Wait. Wait til you see it.” Frank said, and something about the way he looked at you had you nodding simply, and watching the trees race by as he sped you home.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You were asleep on the balcony again, and Frank moved as slow as he could to let you stay that way.

In the two weeks you’d been here, he could count on one hand how many times you’d actually slept in the bed. There were no neighbours for miles, nothing interrupting the stretch of sky all the way to the hills. Even Frank had to admit it was a killer view.

He came inside, pouring himself a drink, and a strange pit in his stomach settled after the burning liquid soothed his throat. He can’t seem to kick that feeling when you’re asleep. When you were awake, next to him, there wasn’t anything else he could think about. But alone, walking around a house he owned, a life he might try and live staring him in the face, he felt guilty. There were parts of him he wouldn’t ever get back, but this wasn’t something he thought he’d ever have. Peace and quiet, time to himself. A woman he loved within eyesight, buried under blankets cause she was too stubborn to come inside when it got freezing. He couldn’t figure out why now, of all times, was the time to be thinking of Maria. The weight of the ring around his neck was like an anchor. He knew it was stuck on the bottom of the ocean, but he couldn’t find it in himself to let go. He would sit there, hand cut up and bleeding, holding on for dear fucking life if no one moved him, waiting until he drowned.

Your footsteps were soft, in a way that he knows you can’t help. You tread through the open double doors, and Frank would roll his eyes at the way he could hear your teeth chattering if he wasn’t so distracted.

“You should of woke me.” You say, voice muffled from the mess your head was buried under. He took a step toward you, pushing it back so he could see your eyes.

“It’s late.”

“Couldn’t tell.” He can hear the smirk in your voice.

“You finally frozen to death, smart-ass?” You grumble something in reply, and he catches a few curse words before you look at him again. It’s nearly scary, the way you can read him with one sweep of your eyes. You clock his tone, the way he isn’t leaning into you with his full weight, and squint your eyes.

“What is it?” Frank sucks in a long breath, and kisses you.

He’s a complete idiot. That’s what it is. He can feel the buzzing pulse you wake in him, every movement of your lips on his rooting you deeper in his soul, chipping off ice until theres only warmth. How’s he supposed to tell you, after you’ve just kissed him like that, that he was thinking about his–

“You can talk to me about her, Frank.” You say with your head against his. Not it, her. Before he can ask, you smile a little. Even just a hint of that smile and he’s forgetting how to breathe. “You play with the ring when you’re nervous. It’s actually a bit of a tell.”

“Yeah?” He manages, hands trying to search their way through the blankets for you.

“Yeah. You have a lot of tells. For someone in your line of work, it’s actually a bit worrying.”

“You got me all figured out.” He says and means it, but you just roll your eyes.

“And you lean to the left when you think you can’t make a shot. You think it helps your angle.”

“Who woulda thought you were so observant.”

“You know, I actually did watch you when you were teaching me how to shoot.” Frank smiles, your skin finally under his palms. His hands splay on your back, and you lean closer.

“You were trying to fuck me the whole time. Don’t blame me for being surprised.” You try to whack him but your arms are pinned under the layers. Your laughter carries through him, skittering into his chest until he can’t help but laugh too.

“You came onto me.” He laughs harder. “It was very unprofessional. I was there to learn.”

“Damn fucking right I did.” His voice is low, and you shuffle around under his hold until your hands snake up behind his neck. His hair is too long, but he hasn’t cut it just yet. He tells himself that he hasn’t had time, but truthfully he likes the way it feels when you sift your fingers through the ends of it. Like now.

“You can tell me.” You say again, softer. He’s softer too– more malleable now you were here.

“I can’t help it.” He looks over your shoulder, and you follow his gaze to where the sun is now just starting to rise. “She woulda… woulda liked it here. The kids, too.”

“You think so?” He nods, still staring into the orange sky.

“Probably would of had a lot to say about the inside, though.” You wrap around him tighter, head on his chest. “She was so good with those things. She loved when we painted our house. She had all these colors painted next to each other on the wall. All these different kinds of green. Everyone kept sayin’ it all looked the same but she... she could tell the difference. I could see what she meant when she put the couch next to it and shit, you know? She was real good with that stuff.”

“We could use her help around here. This place is sort of… ugly, on the inside.” He laughed again, his throat feeling tighter as he looked around. There was those same colour swatches, but none of them were coordinated like he was remembering. Pinks, blues, oranges and grays were all mixed together in big, sweeping strikes along the wall, stopping right above where your arm would be able to reach. “What would she have gone with?”

He looks down at you, your face washed in the light of the sunrise.

“The light orange. It looks good with the brown.” He nods over to the couch, an old leather one you’d made him pick up off the side of the road.

“We’ll do that one, then.” You tuck yourself under his chin, sighing.

“I think about ‘em everyday. What the kids would have looked like now. What they’d be doing. How Maria and I would of… raised ‘em. I was away all the time, but I just-”

“I think you would have been just fine.” You say into his chest, and Frank takes a shuddering breath.

“Why’s that?“

“Cause she was in love with you.” His chest tightens, and the grip he’s got on your waist gets a little tighter. “I’m… I’ll never be able to fix…that. It’ll always be with you, and nothing will change what happened, but I want you to know that they will always have a place here. You don’t have to apologize for talking about them– the kids, or Maria. I will never, ever not listen, and it will never be something I don’t want to hear. If they’re always with you, they’ll be with me, too.”

Frank takes two steps forward, and your feet pick up just in time to catch yourself before he throws you back on the couch. He’s never been good with words for things like this. He doesn’t think he should try to shove it all in a sentence, either. Not when theres so much he wants to say, but even more he wants to do.

You lay back, and he moves slowly. He wants you to know every move, every brush of his hand and his mouth is by design. He wants to know every square inch of you inside and out like you know him. He wants his hands to pull the strings, letting you hear all the things his mouth could never possibly form.

“Perfect.” Frank sighs against your mouth, over and over again. It was. You were. Are. The pit in his stomach disappears, pushed out and engulfed by the flames in his chest. There was no room for anything, not a single other feeling or word could possibly fit the way you two fit together. Your fingers tug at his shirt, and he takes it over his head. Your hands run and smooth gentle lines over his chest, over the healing wound on his side. It's jagged and wonky, and it nearly spelt your name. Frank thinks it’s the first time he’s looked down at himself and not hated to see the scars.

He unravels you like a gift to himself, savouring every moment even when you try to shrug off the blanket. You hadn’t dressed since last night, and Frank liked it even more this way. You sighed his name, and Frank shuddered, sealing his mouth over yours again. When his eyes opened for a split second, he could see your face, washed in orange light, and your hair swept to the side. He shut his eyes and kissed you again, the image seared into his mind forever.

Frank had faced a lot of bad things in his life. He had been shot, stabbed, pulled apart and put back together more times than he could remember. He thought he’d seen it all, felt it all before, but there was nothing like this. Nothing made him as weak as your fingers in his hair, and nothing made him as strong as the way you moaned his name. Nothing felt as good as sliding inside you, and nothing felt as empty as when you were gone. It made him lightheaded and brought him to the brink of consciousness, but he knew that this was right.

It could of been minutes or hours that had passed when he let himself go, but no amount of time with you under him would stop him from wanting more. The sun was up now, and Frank had you tucked to his side on the small space of the couch, legs tangled together in the blankets and each other. He felt you shiver against him, and the blankets wrapped around you had come loose. He bent to fix them, and when he moved you did it again.

He looked down, seeing the cold line of metal pressed against your bare back. The ring at the end was hanging over your ribs, and when Frank touched it, it was freezing. Holding it in his palm, it didn’t feel as heavy as it used to, and when he read the engraving on the back, he still felt cold.

Looking down at you, how you rolled over and sought him out even with your eyes closed, he leaned down to kiss the scar on your forehead. Then, like it was the simplest thing in the world, he slipped the necklace off over his head, and placed it in a neat circle on the coffee table next to his head.

They would always have a place here. But it wasn’t them who gave him warmth anymore.

When he tucked himself back under the covers, he knew it was you. It was always you.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

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@chvoswxtch​

@allthingsavenger-y

okay theres going to be an epilogue at some point, but it will probably be small and have very little plot, so this is the end of the main story. so, heres a little rant for you. if you read it, thank you, and if you dont, thank you anyways. knowing anyone is reading my words is a gift enough.

i think i have been writing this series for like 5/6 months ish?? thats fucking wild. i dont have an exact word count, but all i know is its fucking long. i cannot believe i wrote this much about a fictional character, but damn. that is a lot.

basically all i want to say here is thank you. to anyone who has read, interacted, or will read in the future, thank you from the bottom of my heart. it might be a lil dramatic but having people read stuff i write, let alone actually enjoy it makes me so incredibly happy. starting to write on here, and for frank especially, is probably one of the best decisions ive ever made. this series was a struggle to finish for so many reasons, mainly my incredible lack of planning and overall dumb writing schedule, but i have met so many incredible people along the way, and i am just so grateful to have a lil space to share my work.

frank castle will probably always own a giant spot in my heart, so thank you for letting me share my version of him. and letting me add as much smut as i want to this with no complaints bc i fuckin needed it okay!!!!!! i love you all. rant over. series over. damn!

p.s. i am never not going to write frank. dont worry. i already have an idea for my next series lmao!!!!!!!! luv ya!

[ofliterarynature]

OCTOBER 2023 WRAP UP

[loved liked ok no thanks (reread) book club* DNF]

The Sunset Years of Agnes Sharp | Conrad’s Fate | Hold Fast Through the Fire | All the White Spaces* | The Game of Courts | (Artificial Condition) | From Below | Creatures of Will and Temper | The Saint of Bright Doors | (All Systems Red) | Over My Dead Body | The Twyford Code | A Conjuring of Light | Small Miracles | A Murderous Relation | Realm of Ash | The Magicians of Caprona | The Hourglass Throne | Raw Dog | Graveminder | The Devil and Winnie Flynn

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I am getting to this SO LATE, forgive me if I don't say a lot because I have forgotten so much. Work has eaten all of my time and energy against my will (should I get a new job? Probably). Anyways.

The Hourglass Throne - Will definitely need to reread this before the next book comes out (even thought they're all pretty well self contained for a series!) because WHAT? I have only half an idea what's going on, and no idea how to feel about the ending. Do I grieve? Not grieve? ??????? I think book 2 is still my favorite, but these books are addictive and a joy to read.

The Magicians of Caprona - I think at this point it's fair to say that I don't think DWJ could write a book that is uninteresting to read, but this is definitely my least favorite of at least the Chrestomanci books so far.

Realm of Ash - book 2 of the Books of Ambha series; I didn't like the first book in this series, why did I continue? Hope, that it would build on the things in the first book that I actually liked, and bring the sisters back together. It was better, I guess, but not in any way that really made me like it. I wish I'd followed my impulse and returned it to the library without listening.

A Murderous Relation - another Veronica Speedwell mystery, reliably enjoyable as always :)

Small Miracles - This was a DELIGHT. This was a fun romp (I'm told) in the vein of Good Omens, but with small stakes - and small miracles. The fallen angel of petty temptations is hired by an angelic friend to help the most sinless (and miserable) mortal have a little fun. But there's more to it than meets the eye, and the case gets tangled up the mortal woman's niece, pretending to be a school counselor, difficult family relationships, rants about chocolate, and inconsiderate siblings who rudely keep picking the same human gender as you. It's sweet, comforting, very queernorm, and a little romantic (f/gf)

A Conjuring of Light - I finished my Shades of Magic reread! Thank god. I was so thoroughly not impressed with books 2 & 3 this time around - they're just one book, divided in two, and I don't think it was divided in the right spot. It's so disappointing that these did not age with me, but you will also have to pry my copies away from me because they're one of the few books I've ever gotten signed in person (and the original covers are just cool). I fully intend to submit myself to the new spinoff series because hope never really dies lol.

The Twyford Code - This was such a strange and delightful book, that I'm not even sure I'm mad about the twist at the ending, I had such a good time reading it. (past me, listening: wow, this would have made such a cool fiction podcast, right? Joke's on me haha). I did honestly think I'd forgotten what this book was about for a bit, but then I was going through some old kid's books from my grandma that were *exactly* like the series in this book, and I had a big AHAH moment that delighted me.

Over My Dead Body - this was my first/nonfiction attempt at jamming in some spooky-ish books before the end of October. Overall, good. I did learn some new facts and there were some interesting parts; but I didn't always appreciate some of the author's commentary, and when it say's "America's Cemeteries," it really only means its urban cemeteries, which was a bit disappointing.

All Systems Red/Artificial Condition - Murderbot, my Beloved. rereading for the new book, and I'm trying my hardest to NOT do it on audiobook this time - and it's really worth it to read it in text, I promise, even if Kevin R Free's voice still echoes in my mind.

The Saint of Bright Doors - this was such a strange and wonderful read, I am so delighted to have read this, I love an unapologetically weird book. The vibe definitely reminds me a bit of The City & The City, or in some ways The Undertaking of Hart and Mercy; except I had other problems with those books and didn't finish them, but I did like this one. I know this won't be everyone's cup of tea, but maybe give it a shot.

Creatures of Will and Temper - another spooky book, and ooh boy could I go on an entire rant, I didn't want to finish this one but felt I had to for reasons. I'll let you look up the plot yourselves, but picture this: Victorian London, two sisters (one who likes swords!), and a whole lot of queer characters I wasn't expecting. I was delighted! Except you gradually learn every single queer character is involved with this club that has made a pact with a demon. What exactly does that mean? Who knows, because the book does not tell you until at least 3/4 of the way through, and we only have the word of the jacket copy and our sainted demon slayer, who is sketchy af the moment we get him alone. Turns out it's a chill demon who doesn't want blood sacrifice, cool cool, but maybe it should have been thought through a little more? Also the main/only successful romance in the book is between a 17 year old girl and a woman who is at minimum in her 30's, explicitly encouraged in part by the demon. hmm. Overall the writing and rest of the story was just ok, and the ending was disgustingly saccharine and just bad. Would strongly not recommend, but if someone wants my copy you're welcome to it. 2 stars.

From Below - another spooky book, and somehow still the most successful even though I didn't like it much. I almost DNF'd this in the first half, and while I wouldn't say I wish i had, I think my time could have been better spent. But really - if you are diving at an untouched ship wreck, that went missing with hundreds of unaccounted passengers and crew, in an area of the ocean entirely inhospitable to life, shouldn't one of the things you expect to find be human bodies??????? I got so worked up, lol, but once the spooky stuff started I had a better time.

The Game of Courts - new Nine World's novella! I love that Victoria takes the time to explore the various characters in her books outside of the main narrative. Getting to learn more about Conju ourside the current story was much appreciated, even if getting to see an outsider POV of earlier Kip was maybe the main draw. Probably not my favorite of the Lays novellas, but worth reading - and maybe a good starting place for those who are new to the series? Now if only I could get myself to read Derring-Do...

All the White Spaces - bookclub pick that got rescheduled to Nov (more time to reread Murderbot tho, so yay me). The description of this - trans guy on an antarctic exploration that goes wrong - sounded interesting, but it was kind of meh for me in the end. For one I was expecting more horror, but the description of "polar gothic" I've seen since really fits better. I also wasn't a fan of the supernatural explanation, and the whole thing felt hopeless from the beginning, once we got a grasp on the *actual* details of the situation, so I didn't quite know what we were here for. Not my cup of tea.

Hold Fast Through the Fire - NeoG book two!!!! This series is turning out to be very akin to the Tarot sequence in that they not perfect books or 5 stars by any means, but are so fun and addictive to read. This series is space opera, post-post-apocalypse where Earth has two colonies, and the series is about a team in the space!coast guard. Getting into the specific plot of this book isn't actually important, but there's a good 50/50 split on plot vs talking about our emotions!!! I love it, it definitely shows some improvement over book 1, even though I don't know that the author has got the POV's quite balanced out. Jenks is lucky I love her because her drama sure does keep taking over (and I cried so hard for her in this one you guys). Would recommend. Did I mention that almost everyone is queer?

Conrad’s Fate - a good book, but this is also the point where I really started questioning the recommended Chrestomanci reading order. I think chronologically it's book 2? And I'd already forgotten so much from The Lives of Christopher Chant, I do not understand and wish I'd read them chronologically. Much more fun than the Magicians of Caprona.

The Sunset Years of Agnes Sharp - I was SO excited when I saw there was a new Leonie Swann being published in english, even if it wasn't the sequel to Three Bags Full (which I read last year and loved). I was even MORE excited when the book opened and was being narrated by the pet tortoise!!! Alas, it was not to last, I did not get another murder novel narrated by an animal. That being said, still pretty good, it reminded me of the Thursday Murder Club (which I liked less), but probably won't be a favorite.

DNF'S - Graveminder and The Devil and Winnie Flynn were both books I own that I tried to fit in for spooky month that did not work out. Winnie Flynn I admit I dropped almost immediately, the vibes were peak bad YA and I wasn't going to torture myself. Graveminder I tried, because I liked the idea, and it wasn't bad per-se, but something about the way it was executed (and the many many POV's) just wasn't working for me. Might fit someone else better though.

Raw Dog I really wanted to like, because the history of hot dogs and a description/ranking of hot dogs are both extremely up my alley - and I did make it 40% in! But there were just a number of factors building up against this - the author's sometimes very (overly?) sharp commentary, my lack of interest in her dysfunctional life, the lack of any comparative rating system for the hot dogs, the food waste, and the sheer number of bodily excretions used as descriptors for the food finally tipped me over the edge. I could have kept listening but I didn't really want to. Perhaps for someone, but not for me.

[bapple117]

Just wanna say I've been so fixated on Bluest Monday that I've had like... autistic positive freak outs over it where I'm gnawing at the bars of my cage and literally scratching at shit. I cried once per chapter no joke. Your work brings something feral out of me that makes me go HRBSJFHSGAJRGAJRGQJGHHFHFH. You get me? I have read tens of thousands of words within a day because I was so hyper focused on consuming the content. Thank you for fueling my autistic brain. I cannot wait for future chapters.. and when there's a happy ending I know my little shattered fanfic loving heart will be healed. (I am so used to bad endings. DO MY BOYS JUSTICE ‼️‼️) I'll probably write an in depth rant later and send it here analysing your writing style because.. fuck dude. You bring out feelings from me I didn't think I HAD‼️ Keep doing what you love, it is so good. Idk if you know what a system is, but we have a Vox alter and he is fucking SHATTERED and enthralled by your work. No matter how much he wants to deny it., ;3

sincerely , Edgar :3

also I made a Spotify playlist for them too because wow I love sad tragic old man yaoi. This needs some 80's jams! ^_^

OH MY GOSH AHHHHhHHH ❤️💜💙 THANK YOU SO MUCH for such kind words gahhhh it makes me so happy sahshakshahskashakhs

"I'll probably write an in depth rant later and send it here analysing your writing style because.. fuck dude. You bring out feelings from me I didn't think I HAD‼️"

I WELCOME IT AHAHAHAHHAA I really hope what I've written so far of book 2 is fixing that broken heart somewhat! THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT

[lovinlikeloki]

Canis Lupus 03 Teaser

A/N: I rediscovered last night that I thrive on attention so being the attention whore that I am, here's a snippet from the next Canis Lupus chapter :)

Warnings: Name calling?? ig

Word Count: 571

Full Chapter Word Count: 3.8k and climbing

“Hey, Fianna, so lovely of you to pick up. I know that you’re good with technology, so I thought that you’d know, when the phone rings, someone wants to talk to you. And when my name pops up on the screen, that means it’s me,” Tony rants the second I put the phone to my ear.

I roll my eyes at his dramatics, “Hey, Anthony, what the fuck? Yes, I know how mobile phones work, do you know how the American school system works? Essentially, I was in class, in which taking phone calls are typically frowned upon, you bawbag. So keep that in mind next time.”

“Wow, okay then, calm down,” Tony starts, “Also Anthony? How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?”

“At least another five.”

“Great. Well, you know how I told you a few weeks ago that I was thinking of selling the tower?” he asks. I think back to the conversation we had.

He told me about his idea of moving everything upstate, said that the tower was far too big, that there were other locations that the employees would be relocated to. He mentioned something about the tower being far too isolating, for me as well as him and Pepper.

He had made it very casual and hypothetical so I never really thought about it, especially since he never mentioned what would happen to me. He’s laid off me a bit lately and I haven’t heard Thaddeus Ross’s name in weeks, that paired with the possible move worries me. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.

“Yeah... I remember,” I say, quietly. Things have been good lately; I’ve had more stability in my life in the past couple of months than in a long time.

“We’ve found buyers. We’re selling up and packing up, Anna,” he tells me, using the nickname he’s claimed for me.

“So... you’re moving upstate? You and Pep? All the employees are being relocated?” I start to ask a string of questions, before quieting, “What does this mean for me?”

“Don’t you worry about that, I’m working everything out. I just wanted to let you know what’s happening. Wanted to keep you in the loop, Anna, make sure you don’t hear from someone else,” Tony explains himself and while I’m still left in the dark about what’s going to happen to me, it warms my heart.

He's keeping me in the know. Making sure I’m aware of what’s going on every step of the way. Other than Eoghan trying his best, I’ve never had someone care for me like this. He makes it really hard to dislike him when he does things like this.

“...Thanks Tony. For letting me know,” I practically whisper. “Just, tell me when you know what you’re going to do with me.”

“I’m not going to do anything with you, Fianna. I’m going figure out the course of action that will best benefit you. I’m working it out with Pep and making sure everything follows the requirements you have for your parole. I’m figuring everything out,” the man reassures me.

I can’t help but melt, “Thank you, for everything. I might not say it, practically ever, but I do appreciate all you’re doing for me.”

“Of course, now get back to class sweetheart. I hear it’s frowned upon to take phone calls during class,” Tony snarks.

[fangswbenefits]

I've been wanting my nips pierced for awhile but I'm to scared to get it done. I hear some people say it's the worst pain ever and others say it's not bad I have multiple face and ear piercings and none of them hurt. my nipples have basically no sensitivity except for when when I'm having pms or on my period but I want them to be a little more sensitive so would you say it's worth it to get them done? I'm insecure about having small boobs so I've also hear people say it does wonders for their confidence. sorry for ranting I've just been on the fence for like two years on if I should get them or not. I also hear horror stories of how they go wrong and people get nerves falling out of the hole. anyways what do you think should I get them done?

In terms of pain: it’s much worse than getting a cartilage piercing, for example.

But in terms of healing: nipples heal much faster because there’s more blood supply to that area. I had an industrial piercing that never fully healed and I had it for like 9 months lol 💀 I couldn’t even sleep on that side. I eventually took it off and let the holes close. Fuck that.

Also, you need to be much more careful with cartilage piercings as it’s much easier for them to get infected because of reduced blood supply and you might need a topic antibiotic instead of a systemic one.

My opinion: get them if you want to and keep in kind that it doesn’t have to be permanent. You can always take them off if you feel like it doesn’t suit you 🩷 it really boosted my confidence with my partners because not a lot of people have them and when you show them people tend to be like “WOW” and 👹 as for nerves falling out of the hole?? I have never heard of that, but I hope it’s just an exaggeration 💀

[moved-2-koiranliha]

junji ito frankenstein review came out to be a page and a half long, it’s under the cut, go fuck yourself (spoilers for both the original and the adaptation, both are really good, read them.)

If you've ever read the original Frankenstein and wanted more, you know how much of a nightmare it is to find adaptations that are faithful to the source material. The vast majority of movies turn Victor - a college dropout who's never burned out and can't handle the slightest failure - into a brilliant scientist with an assumed doctorate, a remote castle, an assistant or two, and most importantly, good parenting skills. The man's like 24 when he meets Walton at the beginning of the book. I've seen a single movie that even halfway faithfully adapted the book, and Victor had two assistants. I've never been able to find that movie again.

First, I'll start with the grievances I have with so many adaptations of Frankenstein. Naturally, every time I see that someone has adapted my favorite piece of classic literature, I get a little nervous. I think, "Oh god, what have they done this time? How have they screwed it up now? How have they attempted to make Victor likable?" Spoilers, you can't make Victor likable or else he's no longer Victor Frankenstein. That's the whole point of his character, and partially why most adaptations are almost as infuriating as Victor himself. I despise Victor if you couldn't tell. I could go on a 10 page long rant about how much I hate him, but I'll try not to for the sake of this review, which at the time of finishing is over a page and a half long.

Another reason most adaptations are infuriating is because they make the monster stupid. I kind of get where they're coming from, I mean he's basically an 8 foot tall baby in terms of how long he's been alive. But it's simply inaccurate. He has an adult brain. In the book, he taught himself how to read and speak, and he does so with eloquence. He demonstrated knowledge of the scientific method. He's cunning and kinda charismatic. He was handsome too, barring the fact that he was stitched together from grave-robbed corpses and certainly looked like it. I'll admit, Shelley's characterization of the monster feels more realistic than "He's a big baby! He's a newborn!"

Now I must preface, the monster is not handsome in this adaptation. He's pretty decayed and wrinkly, which would be accurate to reality. I think if he was made of fresher parts, though, he'd be like a 7 or 8, so no points docked there. Not that I'm doing a points system anyway.

And now onto an actual review. WOW. Just WOW. Junji Ito, as he does with all of his work, so clearly put his heart and soul into this. There are small details from the source material included that so many adaptations have cast aside as unimportant and unnecessary.

Now of course, there's plenty of differences, which is unsurprising I think considering that's just how it is with adaptations of any kind, but especially visual adaptations. Let's get into those. Spoilers abound, you have been warned.

1: I appreciate that Ito wrote Victor and Elizabeth to see each other as adoptive cousins rather than adoptive siblings. Of course in this day and age, it's still gross, but it certainly lessens the discomfort significantly.

2: In the original book, Clerval doesn't do much. He's Victor's best friend (for some reason, Clerval honey you can do better), but he's woefully ignorant of his friend's horrifying creation. In this adaptation, however, Clerval actually finds out what's going on as Victor is creating a lover for his monster. And Clerval offers to help. To be honest, I ADORE this little change. Clerval really felt like the type to do something like this, to support his garbage friend unconditionally, and it also makes him a more important character (which he deserves).

3: The monster's bride is actually finished. She's successfully brought to life, but almost immediately lashes out and is killed by the original monster. She hated him just like everyone else. I like this. It rekindles his hatred for humanity, and it honestly makes him more of a sympathetic character. I think it's a suitable replacement for Victor overthinking and forgetting he can just not give her a uterus and destroying her. It also confirms his fears that they won't get along after all. It gives him more to fear; he failed to satisfy his creation's wishes, and now he'll continue to suffer. Honestly, good. I hate him. RIP to his innocent family members, but that's what you get when you can't take responsibility for your actions!

All of these differences were made for various reasons, but they all feel natural. They fit well in the story - you could rewrite the original book with these changes and it would still feel right.

My only real grievance is that Junji Ito didn't include the monster reading Paradise Lost. I certainly understand why it wasn't included, it wasn't touched upon very much in the original and on the surface it didn't really change anything. But it was somewhat important thematically, as the monster sympathized with Satan and thus found some comfort.

Overall? WORTH IT. This goes on my minuscule list of good Frankenstein adaptations.

[eyebaus]

Sorry to come back again with another rant but just in case there's anyone out there who thinks that I am making up a strawman argument to be mad at I suggest reading this article (https://www.thatskygame.com/news/sky-economy-q-a/?utm_source=DC&utm_medium=post&utm_campaign=economyqna&utm_id=Discord) from tgc themself because it is INFURIATING. Wow I wonder why people aren't being social now that you've forced them to farm for the entire time they're online, as well as making it impossible to be social while farming. Goodness, what a mystery. The world may never know why this happened.

This paragraph in particular i feel really makes it seem like they don't understand what makes their own game good:

To save players from grinding across every inch of the world, the Daily Light system reduced the total time required to reach maximum Candles from three hours to less than two hours for players more familiar with the world. To encourage people to spend quality time with friends, Social Light allows players to earn Candles without running around in the world. But, AFK exploits made it possible for players to acquire Candles from Social Light beyond the usual hours.

Tgc has made a beautiful game that's fun just to exist in and walk around and they? Want you to sit by a campfire and what, talk? Most of the appeal of this game's social aspects in particular is that you don't need to talk. Some of my fondest memories of sky happened on candle runs with friends! Friends who I may or may not have had chat with, friends who I'd met that day or known for months, sometimes just a kind stranger who stood inside doors so they wouldn't close before I got there. If tgc wanted to make a chatroom they could just do that but no, it has to be part of sky. :/

Sorry again for the rant btw, I just think it's frankly ridiculous what tgc is doing. It feels almost like a social experiment at this point, how far can we push our players before they get sick of us and quit?

No no you’re all good! and yeah slowly but surely the original aspects of the game that made it enjoyable/made the lore coherent are slowly.. being removed.. it’s odd that they talk about stuff like inflation as if the pricing for items weren’t active decisions they made and completely out of their control (I’m not even gonna mention complaints by beta players because.. well, I’m sure anyone in their right mind would’ve wanted them lowered but here we are ó_lo) a handful veterans resort to using hacking and I can’t really blame them at this point :-|..

[beccawasautocorrected]

DSMP LORE: THIS IS IT.

Context: Jack Manibald did a lore stream. He found PROJECT: EARLY DAWN and rewired the system so that the nuke launches to Tommy's house. Yikesaroonie. Anyone up for a Jack Manifold villain arc?

Green b♡tch is still nonexistent, let's keep it that way <3

DISCLAIMER!!: The streams will switch. I will use a marker to signal when the streams swap. I also ranted a lot at the end if you wanna read that

♤-quotes

☆-important

♡-swear word coverups

◇-stream swap to Tubbo_

TUBBO'S STREAM- HES PLAYING FALLEN KINGDOM BY CAPTAINSPARKLEZ

-He's doing a recap of the lore from the past 2 streams.

Tubbos playing Mice on Venus, saying that today's the day. And today is the day.◇

He's reassuring himself, but then he's had a change of thought. None of this is okay◇

Tubbo is reliving memory lane, going to his first house, walking on the prime path, saying its a familiar feeling, and yet so different.◇

Tubbo is saying this is all his own and Tommy's fault.◇

TOMMY'S STREAM: Idk the song, but it keeps saying it's all over. It is.

Tommy's wearing his classic red and white shirt.

We've already started with the bloopers. Tubbo didn't join call and Tommy keeps shouting at him LOL

They're going on one last walk on the prime path. They're talking about the spot jschlatt was banned on. I remember that. The duel with "him", they're in the dr♡g van and remembering the first streams on the SMP in the museum.

TOMMY REALLY TOLD TUBBO TO GRIEVE HIS DEATH FOR A WHOLE YEAR LMAO

Tommy slapped Tubbo in the face

"Today isn't gonna be the happiest day." -Tommy♤

"I don't want it to be me to end your life!" -Tubbo♤

Tubbo says it's the butterfly effect. It all goes back to pressing a button☆

Tommy says he doesn't need Armour because it doesn't matter what happens

TUBBOS GONNA PRESS THAT BUTTON, THOUGH HE THINKS ITS A LEVER, SO HES GONNA FLICK THAT LEVER

Tommy thought of the stasis chamber, but it wouldn't work because he'd be dead before the pearl would even activate.

AWH, TOMMY BROUGHT UP WILBY

They're at the bench and they can't listen to music. Tommy hit Tubbo again because he thought he was crying

Tommy's Webcam broke LOL

Tommy had left a book for Tubbo to read once he knew the antagonists are dead. He gave Tubbo the picture of the OG Lmanburg citizens

"There IS no other way." -Tommy♤

Tommy got the picture back.

Tommy let Tubbo take the jukebox AND the bench and.. "When the world is falling, you sit on that bench." -Tommy♤

MF, THEY DID A FISTBUMP.

And Tommy's off. Off to his impending doom.

He's playing Sweden.

Tubbos playing Wet Hands on his stream too on his streamas he makes his way to Snowchester, unaware of what Jack did◇

Tommy is in the prison trying to find the antagonists. He just did.

HE DID A SICK SLIME BLOCK CLUTCH AND CRIT PUNZ OMG

TOMMY JUST SAID TUBBO DIED TO LURE THEM OUT. HELPPPP

Tubbo is talking to Jack right now◇

"He" just gave Tommy golden apples omg "he's" taunting him

The two are sparring at the moment

Jack finds out that the nuke was supposed to kill Tommy. Tubbo told Jsck about the lab rats and the endless suffering. Jack keeps trying to get Tubbo to press the button.◇

Tommy asked "him" why "he" took the discs.

HE JUST ASKED "HIM" WHAT THE SERVER MEANS. OH WOW

"He" just said Tommy's having doubts and said "he'd" go more in depth if he'd join the antagonists

WHY WON'T TUBBO PRESS THE BUTTON-◇

He pressed it. He pressed the button. The location was changed back.◇

TOMMY'S CAMERA BROKE AGAIN LMAO

Kai just gifted 50 subs omg- ANYWAY.

There's a loud alarm going on. Tubbo said if Jack messed with the Redstone, he'd personally kill him

Tubbo is hesitating. It WAS a lever.◇

"Moving your arms is okay" -Jack Manifold◇

TUBBO NOTICED THE FAULTY REDSTONE BUT THOUGHT A FUSE WAS BLOWN- HHHELP◇

Tommy took off all of his Armour. HE APOLOGIZED TO "HIM" HHHELP

He said maybe life would be better if he never joined the server. Oh my goodness.

"HE" KILLED TOMMY. OH MY GOD. WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT☆

Omg Tommy is literally looking at life from "his" perspective, it was literally life before he joined the server. The beginning of the server.

Tubbo still can't pull the lever. He doesn't know Tommy's dead.◇

"He" was happy"- Tommy♤

"Please bring me back. I don't wanna be alone." -Tommy♤

OH-

OH MY GOD????

DID HE GET REVIVED???????

ALREADY????

THE NUKE LAUNCHED AS SOON AS TOMMY WAS REVIVED-◇

And it's going to Tommy's base.

Oh my god.

Tommy is explaining his limbo to "him".

"You weren't evil. You didn't have the heart to do the things you do now." -Tommy♤

OH GOD TUBBO IS RUNNING. TUBBO AND JACK ARE RUNNING TO THE PRISON◇

Punz is just vibin rn.

Tommy is saying he understands "him" He isn't joining "him", but he understands.☆

"You just want friends. I do too, man. I get that" -Tommy♤

JACK AND TUBBO PERFORMING A PRISON BREAK AAAAAA◇

Damn "he" just needed therapy fr

Tommy told "him" to take "his" helmet off. "He's" wearing Technoblade's crown o7

THE ALARMS GOING OFF FOR THE NUKE- HOLY SHSHHSHSHH

ITS GETTING LOUDER- HELPPPP

IT BLEW UP?!?!?♡☆♤☆♡☆♤♤☆

Tubbo and Jack didn't make it in time.◇

Its a white screen with high pitched ringing.

TOMMY'S MINING WOOD NOW. HE'S- I SH♡T YOU NOT, MANS IS MINING WOOD.

Omg the entire server restart.

The entire server reset.

No one remembers who anyone is.

"He" asked Tommy if he wanted to be friends.

THAT'S IT. THE END OF VOLUME 1.

I was here for volume 1 and will stay for volume 2 ❤️

Hopefully things will get better. Both in the lore and in real life. You know what I'm talking about.

AWW TOMMY AND TUBBO WERE ACTUALLY CRYING BECAUSE THEY KNEW IT WAS THE LAST TIME THEY'D BE IN THAT WORLD, M8 MY HEART.

What a wild ride this has been.

This means so much to me. Despite the actions of certain people, this server, this series means so much to me and so many other people. The storyline, the characters, the builds, the lore, the effort everyone put in to write their own story and share it with the world. Oh my gOD dude. Mad respect. Serious respect. Well, to SOME people.

[thelonewolf48]

MSHD Season 3, Episode 3

Let's see how wrong this series can go and still give us our ship.

This post got out of hand so, be warned that is LONG!

High Hills and the whole teaching three languages, robotics and computer science gives me war flashbacks to my own school (I went to a private catholic school up until 6th grade). But they did teach us a little about ecology and horticulture... as for the meditation, well, we slept around at least two hours in kindergarten and had like an hour for ourselves (aside from lunch break) for reading and doing other things... so, I don't see a problem there.

But I do know where this is going and I mean, sure, there are schools like that, but at least in my city public and private school accept everyone. Gay or not. NOW, that they discriminate the kids and their families... yeah, that happens everywhere in our conservative and religious society.

I don't like the translation change they did in Alta's comment: The subs read "Ah, wonderful, Miss Ana. They're gonna be as smart as their ma." To which Mariana and Ana simultaneously answer "Oh, God, I hope not" and "They will."

But what Alta really said was "How cute, Miss Ana. Are they going to attend the same school as you?" (Or, I guess, it sounds better as Are they gonna attend your alma mater?") Whichever it is... I don't like that they changed the comment because it seems that Mariana doesn't want the girls to be as smart as Ana, even though she tells everyone that Ana is really smart. Anyway, little easter egg.

You know what? I love Victor and Tere's dynamic. I've seen men like him, my dad and one of my uncles. My aunt had a high risk pregnancy and we all helped her out so, I kinda understand Victor but I don't think Tere isn't that bad... she just needs rest lol But I love them and the whole plots Tere does to try to go outside, while Victor tries to prevent her to escape. LOVE THEM!

Ro, cutie pie, I understand your hate and bad behavior... but the fact no one is telling him to tone down his comments is off. Especially, coming from a Mexican mom. Which, fair, not all moms are the same but if I ever said something like that or raised my voice or even rolled my eyes, my mom (and aunts and basically any grown up) would scold me and maybe ground me for a week (to say the least)

Again will rant about the subs! It sounds so damn aggressive, in the subs JC says "Did you not learn the lesson?" and Ana answers "I learned you're an asshole." WOW, WOW, WOW! JC actually says "See why I sued you?" and Ana answers something along the lines of "because you're stubborn" or "you're a fool." To tell someone asshole, here in Mexico, is like a really big thing and Ana didn't insult him here... so, I wonder why they decided to write asshole... I need answers!

And then, the next comment seems a bit off because she's not being as aggressive as the subs make Ana sound... (or maybe it's me who feels it's aggressive?) Anyway, the subs read "And you don't need to know everything if it's what's best for the girls. I figured it'd be okay" and in reality Ana says "Because I do include you in everything, but in due time. I don't even know if there's an spot available."

Subs, you're sus!

They did not just dressed a girl in a cosplay, right? ... No, they did... because of course that's how everyone looks like inside a japanese company... Never change, Mexico. Never change. LOL

Ferran and Mariana, sighs. I'm not gonna dig into that and I will rant about JC and Ana but that a few paragraphs later.

Subs... you're giving me a headache... It sounds so wrong how JC sounds when he says "if you come, dress nice" when in reality he tells Ana "think about it and let me know" SUBS YOU'RE ON THE AGRESSIVE SIDE!

Hmmm, eating soil strengthens the immune system, really? THEN WHY I GET SICK ALL THE TIME?!!!! I've eaten my share of soil and still get sick all the damn time! /sighs/ anyway, Ana throwing chocolates to the kids is so funny though!

Cynthia really is a mini Ana in the making lol, poor Pablo though.

I gotta love Romelia's guts and clever ideas, she doesn't buy that Mariana and Ana are dating but also wants to prove that Mariana and Ferran are together. I love her lol

SUBS HOLY SHIT, WHAT?

The subs: "I never want you to be seen in public with that dumb little slut ever again"

What they really said: "I never want you to be seen in public with that girl"

And the subs called Mariana little slut twice in the same scene... and he never said that...

Then, subs go into a different direction. In the subs, Ana says "With that mouth, I hope it all burns to the ground" JC says "Ana, come on, it's for the children", then Ana "No, this is for you, Juan Carlos" and Ana in reality says "I will not follow your discriminatory rules" JC's dialogue is the same but then Ana says "No, it's because of the children (that I'm saying this)"

And then, it's interesting that when Ana is telling JC's father off that again in the subs, Ana is attacking him when in reality she is defending JC and accepting part of the blame for their failed marriage. In subs, Ana says "And because you're an incompetent sorry old man, I will never help you" vs what she really says "Just because I don't fit into your old-fashioned, conservative mold."

Ana isn't just angry telling him off, she is also telling a message to everyone who thinks like him, viewers included (or at least, I hope that was the writers' intentions)

Subs being sus, again!

What's up with the subs and them calling everyone assholes? JC calling his father an asshole in the subs is totally wrong because he doesn't insult him... but I'm not gonna continue ranting about it.

Subs... I'm...

I don't know what to do with these subs... They're aggressive when they shouldn't be and then they aren't when they should!

Subs: Tere: "And you won't tell me what to do with my body! Or what I want with it! A body you won't touch! Even when the doctor says so. Get it out of your head, or it's a problem, hmm?"

Reality: "I'm a woman with her own life and body! A body you won't touch! Even when the doctor said we can fuck without problems, hmm?"

Subs: Tere: "Look at me. I am a woman. Never ever again say that! I am anything other than what you see right here. And now get out of my face, hmm?"

Reality: "I am a free, funny, and sexy woman! And I will not allow you to stop seeing me as such! Nor will I cease to be!"

Although similar in it's message, I think it gives the scene very different messages. Although, again, maybe it's just me.

Business partners with benefits... I need a business partner, anyone available? LOL

Cynthia and Pablo, 11/10

The other issue I have is that after Ana and Mariana crashed the school entrance, Ro goes back into a loving kid and we never see Ana acknowledging the bully Ro was suffering, nor we see Ro telling Ana he is sorry for the way he behaved... and now it turns out Ro was only trying to protect the babies... THAT'S... THAT'S... /sighs/

And I need to go, but I love that JC finally see the light and pulled the law suit off! YAAAAAAY now I wonder what mess will the writers throw at me... lol

[the-firebird69]

A couple more things are happening and this group is unruly and ornery and are not doing things to maintain the place and we have a couple more things other than the trash keep in the nearby shoreline and it's off of fort Myers. There's a little laughter because it already stinks like hell and other people down there can't stand anybody all this s*** is coming down the street s stream and the garbage is out there and he said I talked to Jenna and Brad and Jason and you can put those poison palms research system trying to contain the thing maybe start a different one that's huge for the containment so they're starting to think of that and he started to put it together and he's called them up and not yet no but they're they're planning it and they're trying to get it ready have equipment and people. Okay they're just leaving it there I don't know what to do with that for it's going to stink as his bugs it's not really huge yet and out of the water they're not doing is here and they're not doing anything either and if the red tide grows it's going to go north though it goes south but he wants it out of there so do we and they made it illegal so if you're going to the people that talk to them they said we had nowhere to put it and it's the same people making the pile and I said won't go away so it's not far enough out there she said what a pain in the ass so they're trying to think of what to do if you dig a hole in my cold in the water and aquifer and it said wow that's bad yeah it's not that big I heard it's not that big it's only feet and that's a big huge clam shells and take it out of something to do out there because all sorts of dumb reasons to be out there like g o l d and which is also w h i t e and the guy says we don't give a s*** o it didn't work so they probably go out there other things happening

-that's what happening and it's going to happen today and it is today now Tuesday at court cases with John remillard and bja Jason Brad and more and they say they're going to be busy but they're going to be busy in court and that's where they're going to spends a long time messing around with people now that they pay for it they said

-we have more happening and it's good news that we have a little bit of time I know you need to kick out John and reborn now you got some news that people are sick of them all over town and the county and they also want to get him out of there so they can try and get at the module and they did figure out that it's really probably very true so they're going to take care of that

-other items that are happening these people are sick and ill and tired some of them are trying to get better and it's very hard and they made a note of it and sends out and other people say that we're going to try it and they're trying and they said it's very difficult so they're in the process of doing that and when they do that they'll start saying we don't need to treat him bad and stuff which is not true so they'll probably be crap

-there's a few new things that are surfacing different insults and types of ranting at him and we're going to stop them it's about what he's doing and what he's gone and stuff like that and we are going after them for the money and things and they have a lot of stuff for people who are idiots and they don't use it right

-other stuff going around they said they knew about it and most of them didn't really put together and it's going to be a big fight also we are in receipt of several warnings from the empire about what I said is doing and we said so so what I get those same stuff and I said well I guess we'll come straight you 0ut

-and the couple things a lot of gasoline in the tank now and this place is a nasty place. Hey I was not Sarah shot JFK we told you why it happened

-there's other items happening today and they're pretty big they made a public announcement I don't want people throwing things that other people in the park and they don't want people to yelling and screaming and they don't want people ranting if you're renting they're going to put you in the mental hospital and they saw people doing it like all weekend it's very nasty

Thor Freya

Olympus

[perseuesjackson]

ughhh ugh ugh ugh

wow i miss using tumblr as my rant diary

i feel stressed out of my mind and slipping back into old habits. sometimes i feel like i've improved and grown as a person and it's moments like these that make me feel like was any of the improvements i made just ? non existent?

offended a friend and feel stressed about it, can't even get my head screwed on straight for work, and my mom is like making me question my friends/support system again, which -- just when i realized that i was like really? that again? are you serious? and just so tired of that sigh

she used to do this all the time and always made me question whether or not i had good friends. the worst part about all of this is that she is a good friend, but ive been thinking about it lately, one that i wouldn't mind losing? i feel like such a bad person / guilty saying that, but i think i had this thought almost two years ago, too. just that sometimes she makes me feel so lost and confused, and honestly doesn't add too much to my support system (which i feel like is a lie. she's the one who taught me how to be more communicative and the importance of having good relationships built on that) that sometimes i feel like i wouldn't be losing out on too much if i lost her as a friend.

i dont know what that means (like what that means for my psyche? my mental state?)

i also feel like im regressing back to my old self when i go through a problem im searching high and low for someone to talk to about it, and frustrated that therapy is not soon (it's literally tomorrow.) (which is good, but i wish it was TODAY). like i hate feeling like this! i wish i was the type of person that can bottle up all my emotions and one day ill die

but i feel like im the type of person to talk about my feelings and honestly it's a really inconvenient thing to have

[heroic-endeavors]

AFD Rant, why I actually hate Endeavor

So, this is something I really wanted to go over for a while. Even though I've had Enji as my main muse I don't really like him. I don't understand how I was able to stand having him as a muse for as long as I had. Since the beginning of December actually. Wow, it's been quite a while.

First seeing this guy enter the scene gave me some awful vibes right away. Like, yuck. Especially everything I have heard about him beforehand too. Did he really think that fire mask and beard made him look good? It looks stupid to me.

"What are you doing here?" It was so funny that someone he would save would ask him that. The disrespect. Sure it did seem like a setup for his stupid ass like. But it was still disrespectful. It was so funny.

Then there was the fact he got credit for everything? That isn't right! There sure had to be someone better suited to take credit than he was.

Are you seriously trying to be cute? That isn't cute. It's just creepy. If I were in charge of the hero ranking system I would have put someone else as number 1 instead of him. In fact, I'm knocking him out of the top ten. That's how lame he is. This guy is nothing but a loser who would stoop so low to throw a tantrum when his crush 'rival' had to retire.

Surely I can't be the only one who was so happy to see this man getting hurt and traumatized? It's like, the best part of the series to see this man bloody and hurt or even nearly dead.

I can barely put into words how much joy I get out of seeing this. Todoroki Enji is broken and crying because he finally gets a taste of karma which he had coming for so long.

If you made it this far or had even bothered reading this post you must be surprised I made this post now of all times. Considering how Enji had been my main muse and I'm always reblogging nice artwork of him.

Did you forget what today is? This entire post was a lie. April Fools Day.

[yasuijp]

Just because its taught first/early doesn't mean that it is beginner material

This is one of the most important things you should wrap your head around as a self learner. Sometimes, the thing you learn first is only the thing you learn first because its mandatory to understand other things. You don't learn it first because its easy.

In my opinion Learning the Kana is "easy" but really acquiring and internalizing it is a very long road. Here is a quick lesson for you.

は　topic marker. Marks the topic of the sentence and is used in many common patterns.

これはペンです。This is a pen 今日はいい天気です。 The weather is nice today 猫は好き。I like cats.

が　subject marker. Marks the subject of the sentence and is also used in many common patterns.

彼が走った。he ran 親父が元気。dad is healthy 猫が好き。I like cats.

Wait a minute, you must be saying. "How come both of those sentences mean I like cats? Wait a minute what is the difference between a subject and a topic anyway???"

Well so is everyone else. As english speakers the distinction is most of the time non existent. But thats besides the point. This is something u basically learn in week 1 of any japanese class. And you will be thinking about it until like year 2 or 3 of your studies without ever being 100% sure. Its extremely hard to wrap your head around but its kind of everywhere in the language so they cannot hold off on teaching it to you. You might think to yourself wow i learned this so long ago and yet i still can't figure it out and feel down on yourself, but realistically its a hard concept. Just because you understand it sometimes doesn't mean you will all the time. This is an advanced topic that just has to be taught to beginners because things like language learning aren't built on a consistent difficulty curve. Frankly advanced topics are easier because by the time you learn them you've really gone through all of the hard stuff.

More examples with an even easier/earlier thing you learn. 1=　一 2=　二 3=　三

here are the kanji for 1 2 and 3

if u want to read these kanji and understand the raw meaning of them in isolation, you can now look at these and immediately glean meaning from them. Now lets learn them in kana

1 =　いち 2=　に 3=　さん

For kanji it was 1 to 1. You learn 1 symbol, you get 1 number. For the kana, you had to learn 5 seperate symbols to learn these 3 numbers. You are objectively just learning more. And this isn't to mention katakana since each sound will have 1 hiragana character and 1 katakana symbol to represent it. between the 46 (i think its 46) distinct symbols for EACH system, you also need to learn the the different....d-dakuten? i genuinely dont know what its called. but はぱば the little symbol at the side there?? the difference in sounds when these are applied and to which symbols they can be applied to. And for the few unique sounds that are created when you have a combined sound. じゃぴゃしょ etc. And i can't stress this enough. You do this for 2 different writing systems.

And this is basically going to be the first thing you learn in japanese and will form the backbone of everything that you do. Its relatively pretty easy, but if u compare it alongside something like...the past tense. It took me WAY longer to learn the kana than it did to learn past tense.

Kana is the foundation of being able to read japanese at all. You will never ever ever ever be able to get away with reading native japanese content without being able to read all of the kana. However you CAN get away without knowing the kanji a lot of the time.

Now, all of this said you will be months past learning the kana, and u will read a sentence that used the Katakana for ヲ and sit there staring at it for a while wondering what the fuck is that. You learned this ages ago how are you fucking it up now? And its because despite being part of the foundational building blocks for learning the language, this character is insanely rare. And beyond that sometimes even after you learned this ages ago you still might miss read some times.

Wordy rants are my specialty but lets bring it in. Foundational learning typically needs to happen at the start, and common things aren't usually common because they're easy. Frankly things that are common tend to linguistically end up being used for things that are barely related so it ends up getting muddy. Nothing someone who natively speaks the language would struggle with but if someone whos native tongue strictly doesn't have a comparable thing....well it'll be hard lol.

[zak-shit]

10.11.22

another night where i need to make an entry but do not feel like pulling out the journal. I should, but its been way too long since I've pulled it out. It's quicker for me to quickly pound my computer to get out whatever I need to.

arriving home, wanting to talk to my mom, but having to push my patience sooo thin because shes drunk and that can be like talking to a brick wall! my patience was boiled over when she told me the 6th time to take a quick shower. I told her I wanted to wash my hair. but still "dont take too long" not because of a water waste or anything. she told me " youre off tomorrow, you can do that tomorrow" *eye roll* its because willow is laying in her bed. I mean literally shes dead asleep snoring like?? you want me to hurry up... its just selfish in my eyes. i just say "okayyy" no problem, whatever. I bought my favorite body wash, really wanted to wash my hair. but its fine. I'll hurry. she then wants to start saying things like " you know how long its been since I took a long nice shower???" It took alot of me not to ask her aggressively why she wants to make me feel bad?

I've worked all week, doubles the last two days. Skipped a shower the night before, and just washed my face in worry she would be some type of way about it.

I took a 6 minute shower.

honestly my showers normally only last about that long. maybe an inch longer. I dont wash my hair often. so its just a scrub of the body and a quick wash of the face.

anyways im ranting about it because I want to get it out of my system, today has actually been a good day. I've been gone alot more, working and at Alyssas alot. and ive had a few moments of like, wow I really dont need meds, like things are gooood! until I'm home. and then its time to pop a fucking pill and be dulled tf out. its sad.

but work was chill todayyy, i finally got some time with my ruby and it was so nice, she gave me a new set of nails, we got starbucks. I got my first matcha! and it was to DIE for! also got my first pair of slides today! they are PINK! like r u KIDDING

kinda in the mood to hop into the sims and build a lil bit, I have no idea what this new "legacy" mode exactly does to my game.

Willow may be getting her first period soon, I've got diapers on hand incase needed... lil girl is going to become a WOMAN. Once I get all my finances settled, and priorities taken care of, I would like to get her in some obedience school <3

I'm hopefull tomorrow will be a good day, filled with laughs and calm loving energy. hoping to have a productive morning and a super enjoyable evening with my girl gang <3