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milkybonya · 3 years

Text

i'm not the same boy you knew back then

Warnings: food mentions and some angst, party mentions

Pairing: Yedam x (gn)reader

Summary: where Yedam broke your heart in high school because he didn't know how to act but now he's desperately in love with you and wishes you still felt the same :")

word count: 5.8k

inspired by Walls by All Time Low (it has explicit language! be careful~~i've put a link for it at the veryyy end of this fic)

[a/n]: I GOT SO CARRIED AWAY FOR THE FLASHBACK PART OF THIS OML I'M SORRY FOR THE CHAOS AND MESS BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY

Hey there it's good to see you again, It never felt right calling this "just friends". I'm happy, if you're happy, with yourself.

"Isn't that Yedam?" your friend, sat beside you, asks. They point to somewhere behind your head, and naturally, you turn around to follow their finger with your eyes.

As the doors to the lecture hall swing shut, a familiar boy begins to walk quickly down the steps. While grinning, he decides on a spot near the back, far away from your almost front-row seat. You let out the breath you didn't realize you were holding and face the front.

"Since when did he go to our university?" your friend asks, also facing the front now.

"I have no clue," you admit.

You'd purposely accepted an offer at a faraway university to avoid having to see Yedam ever again after high school. High school had become one of the worst times of your life thanks to him.

Yedam's pov

As soon as I enter the hall, I find [y/n] with my eyes immediately. They look at me with a mix of shock, disgust and hatred, but seeing them fills me with so much joy that I can't help but smile.

Deciding not to bother them, I pick a spot near the back and sit down. I wonder to myself if switching to [y/n]'s school was the right choice...

[y/n]'s pov

It was obvious you were too much for me. Oblivious, I was young

Back in high school, you had the fattest crush on one of the school's most popular kids, and you hated yourself for it. It wasn't like you could control your feelings... but your heart was set on him. His smile made you feel so warm and you felt happy despite him not having the slightest clue who you were. You always watched him from afar, peering at him as he walked into the classroom while waving at all of his friends before taking a seat at the back.

By some chance, you got paired with him for an assignment. You thought he would be disappointed, since he had never spoken to you, but contrary to his somewhat intimidating aura as a result of him being a popular kid, he smiled warmly at you as you introduced yourself.

"I know you're [y/n]," he said quietly, looking down at the assignment instructions in front of him.

"How do you know?" you asked him.

He looked up and leaned in closer to you to whisper into your ear, only after being sure that no one was watching.

"It may not seem like it, but I do know my classmates."

When he moved back, he flashed you a grin before returning to the assignment instructions again. Your heartbeat was flooding your ears.

After meeting up several times to do the research and plan out the presentation together, you and Yedam somehow grew closer. You had always thought he was some sort of chic, cool guy, but he turned out to be super soft and sweet. The two of you laughed at each other's dumb jokes and procrastinated late into the night sometimes, only beginning your work when the café was about to close.

On one of those days, Yedam asked if you wanted to go to his place to finish the assignment.

"It's due in two weeks and we still have so much to do... plus we're so busy that we can only meet once a week," he explained, pouting slightly.

You agreed, feeling somewhat nervous and excited at the prospect of going to your crush's house for the first time.

His parents were home but asleep as it was late for them, so the two of you quietly went to his room.

In-between muffled giggles and late-night snacks, the two of you managed to get a lot of work done before you felt as though you'd hit your limit. After yawning and stretching, you told Yedam that it was time you went home.

"Do you live far from here?" he asked you.

You, in fact, did live quite far from his house, but you felt bad telling him this, so you lied and told him you lived close by.

He pouted and looked down.

"I was going to ask if you wanted to just sleep here... but I guess it makes sense for you to go home," he said, helping you pack up your things.

Yedam... wanted you to stay the night? How could you miss such an opportunity! Your crush! Wanted you to stay the night!!

Yedam noticed that you'd stopped moving, holding your pencil case in your hand as you thought about what to say.

"Is everything okay?" he asked you.

"Yeah... I actually... live kind of far," you mumbled, not wanting him to get mad at you for lying.

"You do? Then why did you say you live close by?" he asked, also taking his hands away from your backpack.

"I didn't want you to walk me home or anything," you explained. Yedam smiled at you, shaking his head.

"Don't worry about it now... do you have any clothes to change into?"

"Just my gym clothes... but they're dirty," you told him, shyly.

"Do you want to take something of mine to wear?" he asked you, already standing up to look through his closet without waiting for your answer.

You were going to say no, again, not wanting to bother him, but he had already pulled out some of his comfier clothes for you to wear.

After changing into them and walking back into his room, you avoided Yedam's eyes as he quietly lost his mind over how cute you looked.

"Um, so..." Yedam started, scratching the back of his neck.

"Would you be okay with sleeping in my bed? I'll go sleep in the livingroom-"

"No, no! I'll go sleep there-"

"No, I can't let a guest sleep on the couch!"

Both of you sighed, not being able to win against one another.

"Listen, it's either you sleep in my room and I go to the livingroom, or we both sleep in my bed," he said, pointing to his bed behind you.

You froze, trying to consider your options as your heartbeat grew louder.

"Well... I guess we're both sleeping here then," you said, in a tone that tried to sound confident but was a little shaky.

You plopped yourself face first into the bed to hide from your embarrassment, feeling the bed shift a few seconds later as Yedam joined you.

"Scooch over towards the wall. I'll sleep on this side so you won't fall off the bed at night," he said, pointing to the side of his bed that faced the rest of his room. You smiled at Yedam's kind gesture as you moved over.

He had turned off the light and it was dark now, and both of you lay side-by-side on your backs, staring up at the ceiling.

"Are you... asleep?" he asked you quietly a while later. You shook your head at first, but then realized he couldn't see you. So you said a quiet "no".

You felt Yedam shift as he turned to face you. You carefully turned your head towards him too, wondering what he was up to. It was hard to see in the dark, but he was just admiring your face. You looked away, feeling embarrassed, until you felt him shuffling closer to you.

It was a little nerve-wracking watching his figure tower over you in the dark. Blinking up at him, you parted your lips to ask him what he was doing, but he spoke first.

"Am I allowed to... kiss you?" he asked, quietly looking down at you.

Yedam... wants to ???? Your crush wanted-

You found yourself nodding before your thoughts could entirely be processed, and watched as Yedam lowered himself onto you with a small smile. His heart soared as he watched your reaction -- your eyes were squeezed shut so tightly out of nervousness.

Before his soft lips met yours, he found your hand under the blankets and held it in an attempt to ease you of your nervousness. He didn't know that it only made your stomach feel the effects even more intensely.

Your lips touched for only a moment, but it felt like a whole eternity. When he pulled away, he moved off of you quickly and shuffled over to his side of the bed again.

"I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry," he mumbled, looking away from you. You were confused.

"What's wrong?" you asked him.

"I... I was supposed to tell you I like you first but then now you're right beside me--wait not that I like you... wait I mean I do, but I didn't want to tell you like this--"

Hearing his unsure confession was all the confidence you needed to pull him closer, accidentally tightening his hoodie strings as you pulled him in to carefully press your lips against his again. He completely melted into your hands, then, wrapping an arm around your back and holding you close.

That was probably one of the last good memories you have of him.

After that, Yedam turned into a different person the next morning, avoiding your eyes and missing any trace of a smile on his face as he pushed a plate of breakfast towards you.

"Let's not walk to school together, okay? I'll be leaving first," he told you, leaving you alone in his own house.

You had no clue what was going on and no appetite to eat. After waiting a few minutes, you walked to school after him. You had no idea how to even get to school from his house, so after getting lost and arriving late, you finally managed to make it.

When you tried to approach him in class, he would turn his back on you and ignore you. It made you feel so small that you stopped even trying.

It was really hard for you to show up to school after that, because of how terrible you felt, but you still tried your best. Your friends knew something was wrong and they did their best to help you, but it didn't stop you from thinking about Yedam and why he was acting so strangely.

Until he texted you one day in the middle of class, asking you to meet him in an empty classroom.

You told yourself you shouldn't pay him any attention, especially after he ghosted you like that, but you still followed after him, curious to see what excuse he would give you.

In the classroom, you couldn't see anyone, so you thought Yedam hadn't arrived yet until you heard him call out your name from behind a file cabinet. By the windows.

"Come here, [y/n]," he said, motioning for you to approach him. He was smiling at you again, just like he did on those days when you'd study with him in the café. You told yourself to just turn around and leave, but your feet guided you to him.

You frowned up at him.

"What the heck have you been doing?" you asked him, tears already threatening to leave your eyes.

"[y/n], I-I'm sorry... you know how it is for me, with my popular reputation. Some kids saw us at the café and posted pictures of us, saying that I was going around dating a loser-"

He was holding onto your hands while wearing a pitiful expression, but you coldly pushed him away after hearing him out.

"So you've been acting weird because I'm tainting your reputation? Yedam, we never even dated! You gave me some... half-assed confession and... kissed me in the middle of the night and then ghosted me," you told him, sternly.

"I know, I'm sorry... It's so pathetic but I really do like you... I'm just really bad at this, I know, but I'm telling you now I like you-"

"In an empty classroom. Behind a file cabinet."

"Please, [y/n]. Date me for real... I promise I won't let you down."

You and your kind, innocent heart believed his promise. You believed him because his eyes were sparkling and he was holding onto you so tightly.

Yedam told you that you had to date him in secret, and that was just one of many red flags. He explained that if his friends found out, he would be teased and you would be hurt by their words, too. Nonetheless, you agreed. At school, you never spoke to him. All you got were stolen glances, Yedam winking at you every time you turned around in your seat. Somehow, that was enough to make your heart flutter.

You could only see each other in each other's homes, since even the risk of being caught out on a date was too much for Yedam to handle. The two of you would intertwine hands while watching a movie. You'd rest your head on Yedam's shoulder, or sometimes he would rest his head in your lap and you would gently stroke his hair, watching as his eyes squeezed shut tightly while he indulged in the feeling of your love.

Sometimes the two of you would listen to music together, quietly sharing earphones while staring out the window.

Sometimes you would just talk for hours into the night.

Yedam's smile would never leave his face when he was with you.

Except for when he was at school.

And you could handle it. At least you thought you could, until the final straw.

For Yedam's birthday, a few of his friends had gathered in his home, celebrating. You were also invited, of course, after you begged Yedam to let you come. He had told his friends that he invited you as a gesture of thanks for working on the assignment with him... it broke your heart to hear this lie, but you shrugged it off, again.

Everyone was feeling excited as they all started a game of spin-the-bottle. You felt incredibly out of place and already angry, even more so upon seeing a girl getting all handsy with Yedam, stroking his thigh with her hand and playing with his hair. She was constantly glued to him, but you shrugged it off, again.

After the bottle's mouth faced Yedam, the girl beside him dared him to kiss someone. How childish, you thought to yourself. You watched as Yedam locked eyes with you and started to stand up, making his way towards you with a small smile, but the girl beside him stopped him.

"Where are you going, damie? Isn't it me who you should kiss?"

Yedam looked back at her and then at you.

"I-"

"C'mon, it's your birthday!" she said, dragging him back down.

That literally is not an excuse and makes no sense, you scoffed to yourself, rolling your eyes.

The next few moments were a blur, but Yedam ended up kissing her and you felt like a piece of paper being torn in two. We can't even look at each other in public, you thought to yourself. You fought back tears and got up to leave. No one seemed to mind or care about where you were going, since none of these people were your friends anyway. Even Yedam was preoccupied, his lips on the mouth of this other girl.

You couldn't just shrug things off anymore. This was it. Now, it was your turn to ghost Yedam.

You hadn't told him, but your family were planning to move to another city soon. You told them to plan the move for earlier so you could leave that dreaded place and leave Yedam. Ignoring all his calls and texts, you transferred out the next week, and that was that.

I'm gonna break down these walls, I built around myself. I wanna fall so in love, with you, and no one else, Could ever mean half as much, to me as you do now. Together we'll move on, just don't turn around, Let the walls break down.

You can't focus in lecture as everything that happened with Yedam flashes before your eyes. Just as you're starting to live a normal life without him, he has to show up and allow of the trauma to resurface.

As soon as your class ends, you quickly pack your bags. Your friend does the same, understanding exactly what is going on. But it seems like Yedam and his feet move a little faster.

Just as you're about to leave your row, you look up to find Yedam standing at the end of it, a small smile on his face.

You sigh and turn around, telling your friend to do the same so you can leave through the other side. But Yedam just follows behind you quietly. He doesn't say a word and just follows you as you and your friend as you leave the lecture hall to go to your next class.

Suddenly, you stop. Your friend and Yedam stop, too.

You turn around, your fist clenched into a tight ball.

"Yedam, can you please stop following me? Do you not have classes of your own or things to do? Please leave me alone," you told him, turning your back on him again and walking forward.

Your friend didn't follow you, though, but looked back and forth between you and Yedam. So lost in your thoughts, you walk to class on your own, not noticing that your friend isn't following you.

Yedam's pov

After they say those words and leave, I feel my heart breaking in two. Of course I know how much I've hurt [y/n], but their words make me realize that I'll never be able to completely understand. I almost start crying right there and then...

"Yedam, right?" their friend asks me. I look at them and nod, confused.

"Listen, [y/n] hates your guts. They're not going to talk to you and hear you out, so I'll do it instead. I know [y/n] might regret it if they don't hear you out, even if they don't want to."

I smile at [y/n]'s friend. That sounds exactly like [y/n]...

"You've probably heard a lot of awful things about me, and it's all true. But... [y/n] probably didn't tell you about those nights we spent in each other's rooms... the times that we did get to spend with each other alone.... sorry, what I'm trying to say is that I've always loved [y/n]. Not even 'like', but I've always loved them. And I don't think I'll be able to stop... I know I was such a terrible boyfriend back then. I don't think I can say I even was much of a boyfriend... but I've changed. I can promise that I've changed. I know it must be so arrogant of me to ask if they'll give me another chance but..."

I trail off, my brain shutting down as I struggle to find anymore words to express myself. [y/n]'s friend nods after I trail off.

"I see... well, I've heard about your promises. I heard they couldn't be trusted but if you've changed, then maybe that has changed, too. [y/n] has a really kind heart, but I won't let them date a jerk ever again. So unless we both know for sure that you're different now, we are not letting you date them."

With that, [y/n]'s friend walks away and leaves me there.

[y/n]'s pov

In class, you feel completely empty, unsure of how to feel. You only notice that your friend had not been beside you this entire time when they take a seat in the spot beside you, apologizing that they're late.

"Where were you?" you ask them, looking up as they sit down.

"I was talking to Yedam," your friend tells you, never one to lie.

Your face fills with disgust at the mention of his name.

"Why would you do that?" you whisper loudly, causing some heads in the lecture hall to turn your way. You mumble an apology before returning to your friend.

"I wanted to hear him out," they say, casually opening up their notes.

"What did he say?"

"So you are interested, huh?" they ask you, teasing.

"No, I'm not!"

"I know, calm down! He just said something along the lines of how he's always loved you and does now, too, and that he's changed--"

"That is the most garbage thing I've ever heard," you say, interrupting your friend with a scoff. They smile, shaking their head at you.

When you return to your dorm after all your classes, you find a small gift bag hanging on the door knob to your room. Curious, you pick it up and notice it has your name written on the side.

You could recognize that handwriting from a mile away.

As if it's the side of a hot pan, you drop it, watching its contents spill to the ground. A pack of your favourite snack falls out, along with a neatly handwritten note, a CD player and earphones.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to look, you tell yourself.

Picking everything up and walking into your room, you sit on your bed and read the note over.

[y/n]!! ah, it doesn't make sense for me to be cute or excited in this note, does it? >.< please forgive me.... i'm a little nervous... here is that snack that you've always loved... do you still love it now, too? and here is something that i wrote for you~it's on the CD. just press play and i'll let the song do the talking... i wrote this after you disappeared.

- yedam

This song better be god tier if he's coming to leave it at my door, you think to yourself.

As the song fills your ears, it seems to fill your empty heart too. You can tell it's full of Yedam's sincere feelings and thoughts... or he's just doing a good job of acting while singing. You can't seem to tell, but you still tear up a little.

You hear the door to your room swing open, as your friend, who also happens to be your roommate, barges in.

"What are you up to?" they ask, placing some things on their desk. They turn around immediately when they hear you sniffling.

"ARE YOU CRYING?" they shout, sitting beside you and wrapping their arms around you.

"This... song... Yedam..." you croak, just handing them the earphones.

When they listen to it, they also go quiet.

"It sounds really sincere..." your friend tells you, quietly.

"I'm not the only one who feels that way?" you ask your friend, looking at them.

"You know him better than I do, so you're probably right," they tell you, standing up.

"Why did this boy have to show up and make a mess of my life again," you groan, hiding your face in your hands.

"Well, I have just the solution! I know you're probably going to think about him and not get any work done anyway, so should we just go to a party?!" your friend tells you, jumping up and down.

"A party?" you wrinkle your nose in disgust.

"It'll help you stop thinking about him! Please, we never went to any parties last year!! Let's go, just this once!" they beg.

After thinking it over, you agree. What's the worst that could happen?

Wearing one of your favourite fits and feeling good, you walk alongside your friend, who already has a groove in their step as the two of you make your way to the house where the party is set to be held. It isn't that hard to find, since you're just following the bright lights and loud music in the distance. It's a wonder the people in that house aren't being arrested for causing such a ruckus...

Finally there, you step inside and try not to bump into any weird people. The music is so loud its deafening, and you shrivel up at the sound of it. Your friend wraps their arm around you, pulling you in close and guiding you to the snack/drink area so you can take what you need and go to a quieter place.

Your friend did beg you to come today, so they won't force you to dance or do any things you don't want to do...

Now equipped with everything you need, you make your way to the basement, where it's a lot quieter despite being so busy.

"How's this for a change?" your friend asks you, grooving along to the distant sound of the music from upstairs.

"It seems like you want to dance," you tell your friend.

They shake their head.

"I'll stay with you toniiiiiight!" they cheer, hugging you tightly. You laugh.

"It's fine, just go up! The crowd doesn't seem too scary or weird down here," you tell them as you watch two people play mario kart in front of a TV.

After asking you 1000 times if it's really okay, they leave you there with a drink in your hand. You continue watching the two people playing mario kart, secretly rooting for the boy in orange because his fit looks really nice, even if you're only looking from the back.

He ends up losing and you let out a "noooo!" loud enough for the two to hear. When they turn around, you discover that the boy in orange had been Yedam all along!

I take back rooting for him... he deserved to lose!

Widening your eyes at the sight of him, you quickly turn away and try to navigate your way towards another room. To your surprise, as soon as you walk in, Yedam is in there, holding the door open at the other end and panting.

"[y/n]," he calls out softly, smiling slightly. You can tell he's testing the waters and wondering how to react.

You try to walk out of the room, but the door behind you has been shut by some drunken idiot! He's pressed up against the frame and no matter how much you push, the door just won't open.

"[y/n], if you want to leave, it's okay. I don't want to bother you," Yedam tells you, stepping aside from the other door and motioning for you to walk through.

You sigh.

"No, it's fine. I guess we're here for a reason now, or something," you mumble, sliding down the wall until you're in a comfortable sitting position.

Yedam smiles, closing the door behind him.

"Still caught up in all that destiny stuff?" he asks you, joining you in sitting on the ground but also keeping his distance.

You scoff in response. How does this kid remember everything about me?

"So... what are you doing in my house?' he asks you.

"Your.... house?"

"Yeah, this is my house. You didn't know?" he asks you, looking bewildered.

You think about your friend. They must have brought you here while knowing it was Yedam's house...

"Um... nevermind that. How... have you been?" Yedam asks you, wringing his hands.

"Me? I've been doing great until now. How about you?" you spit out your words sarcastically, but Yedam doesn't seem to mind.

"I've been... well... I'm not sure. It would be cheesy for me to say I've been feeling lost without you, but that's kind of how it is," he tells you, chuckling nervously.

"Yeah, super cheesy. It also doesn't make sense, Yedam," you tell him, avoiding his eyes.

"I know it doesn't, but to me it does. I know our relationship was a mess, but those times that we spent together were... something else. Probably some of the best times of my life, honestly," he tells you.

"And why... are you telling me this?" you ask him, curious to see how he'll respond.

"Because I know I'm in the wrong and there's no excuse for my past childishness, but... I've missed you. And I still do. I know I was really caught up in my reputation back then and I didn't open myself up to you properly, but I want to do that now."

He runs his fingers through his hair, and something inside you turns. You didn't realize just how much you loved it when Yedam did that until now... he looks so pretty--

No. What are you thinking?!

"I haven't missed you though, Yedam," you say.

He smiles sadly.

"I know. And there's no reason for you to. But I'm just... asking for a second chance in case you think there's anything left."

You gulp and look up at the ceiling. You hadn't even considered the possibility of dating Yedam again, but talking with him now is different. He's less cautious and seems to be a lot more comfortable with you.

Someone knocks on the door behind Yedam and Yedam tells them to come in.

"Oh, am I interrupting?" the boy asks, slowly backing away.

"It's fine, I'm just talking to [y/n]," Yedam says with a smile, gesturing towards you. You greet the boy and his eyes light up.

"[y/n]?! The one you always tell me about? Gosh... it's so nice to meet you!" the boy says, shaking your hand and sitting down in front of you.

"You put up with a lot of Yedam's antics, I've heard," he says, laughing. Yedam laughs along, but you're still in shock.

Yedam had never told anyone about you... but now this random boy knows everything?

"It was more than antics. I was... really bad to [y/n]. I'm surprised they haven't left yet," Yedam admits, leaning back.

"I transferred to your old high school after you transferred out, and this boy was always sad. He didn't talk to anyone but me, only because the teacher asked him to show me around. He told me everything about you and eventually told the rest of his friends, too. You were his biggest and only heartbreak... I swear everyone at our school knows about you," the boy explains.

"What did you tell them?" you ask Yedam.

"He told us how he had been dating you in secret because he was afraid to ruin his popularity, but that he regrets it a lot. A lot of his friends left him after finding out you dated Yedam," the boy explains. Yedam nods along.

You're in shock. The boy who was so secretive and insecure exposed himself as a heartbreaker?

"Anyways, I'm sorry to be interrupting. I'll leave now!" the boy says, standing up and closing the door behind him.

"You... told everyone?" you ask Yedam. He nods.

"I feel like it was the only thing I could do for you. You deserved to be known as the one who held my heart," he says, holding his chest and laughing at his own cheesy words.

You find yourself laughing along and loosening up.

A moment of silence stretches between the two of you, and Yedam breaks it by standing up.

"Do you wanna play mario kart with me? You seemed to be having fun watching," Yedam asks you quietly.

You nod, also standing up.

The two of you play for about an hour, screaming and yelling at the TV just like you used to in your bedroom when you'd play games together.

"I won!" you declare in glee, turning to Yedam to do your signature high five with him. His hands meet yours, and you only realize what you're doing only after its already happened. You awkwardly move your hands away, facing the screen again.

"I'm sorry..." you mumble.

"No, I'm sorry! It's really okay, [y/n]... if you feel uncomfortable around me, you don't have to--"

"Your song touched me a lot, Yedam. And now I feel like... I want to try again. Just like this game," you say, pointing to the screen that has try again written in the corner.

"Are you sure?" he asks you, slowly.

You nod, deciding you've made up your mind. You've seen a lot of green flags already -- enough to decide that it's okay to move forward.

Yedam smiles and looks down at his lap. Then his head lifts up quickly, his eyes lighting up.

"I can take you to that café you always wanted to go! They have one in this city... and there's a museum next to it too! Do you want to go there? I.."

As he continues talking, you realize that all of the things he's saying he wants to do were things that you never did with Yedam, even after one year of dating him. It was always stay-at-home dates and ignore-each-other-when-we're-at-school. Somehow, you feel excited, wondering what things will be like.

"[y/n]! I've been looking everywhere for--oh, Yedam? Hi!" your friend greets you both.

"Did you have fun dancing?" you ask them. They nod, pointing to Yedam with their eyes.

You get up and whisper into your friend's ear.

"We have a lot to talk about, but I think..."

Your friend doesn't even wait for you to finish before they say, "well, I have to leave early now. Yedam, can you walk [y/n] home? Great, thanks!"

With that, they disappear and you shake your head at your friend's strange behaviour.

Yedam is all smiley while still sitting on the ground.

"Do I get to walk you home now?" he asks you, standing up.

"I wonder what would've happened if you walked me home that day, too..." you mumble, thinking about the day you slept over at Yedam's in the same bed as him.

"What, do you want to sleep over today, too?" he asks you.

You shake your head.

"I don't want things to turn out like that again."

"You mean, you don't want me to kiss you like I did then?" Yedam teases you, sending you a wink.

"You--shut up!" you yell, chasing after him with a pillow.

This boy literally broke my heart, you think to yourself. He is testing his limits...

After you both calm down, Yedam walks you home. It's a little quiet at first, until Yedam speaks.

"Can... I hold your hand?" he asks you.

"This soon?" you say, still grabbing his hand anyway. He looks down at your hand in his and smiles.

"Yeah... you don't know how long I've been wanting to do this for," he admits, swinging your arm up and down as you walk.

You shake your head at him.

"Let's run!" Yedam declares, racing forward with your hand in his. You trail behind him, the sound of laughter escaping your lips and ringing in Yedam's ears. It leaves a bright blush on his face as he thinks to himself about how much he's missed your laughter.

The two of you slow down, panting.

"I'm so tired," Yedam wheezes, laughing at how weird he sounds.

"Do you want me to kiss it better?" you tease him. He raises his eyebrows at the comment. Maybe it's the adrenaline from all the running or the feeling of the night air, but a courage surges through you as you snake your hand around the back of his head and pull him towards you, pressing his warm lips to yours.

You pull away shortly after, feeling breathless again. A blush dusts Yedam's cheeks as he stares at you with wide eyes.

Your own stomach is full of butterflies, but you ignore it and walk forward.

"Are you not coming?" you yell to the boy behind you. He laughs and chases after you.

[a/n]: i just want to say that i do not condone getting back together with a toxic ex so soon... i was just really excited while writing and sped up the plot >.< but don't ever get back with someone who has hurt you unless you are 100% sure! please take care of yourself!!

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bimsha · 3 years

Text

Break The Rules (Kazutora x Reader)

(Kazutora Hanemiya x Reader)

Kazutora Hanemiya doesn’t like school. Like, no offense but sometimes he just needs a break from all the studies and the teachers who pile up an assignment after an assignment. He sighed, walking through the familiar stairs. After an hour-long lecture from their English teacher, he will never be ready for the Science period next. He walked up the familiar staircase. Sometimes, it was his happy place: the place where he will be when things get rough. Sometimes, when he just needed a break, he would go up the stairs and open the door to the cozy rooftop. The wind brushing through his hair. He just enjoyed the silence, the peace. He readjusted his bag and slung it over one of his shoulders reaching to the cold, metal doorknob. He was about to twist it to the side and escape to the warm summer breeze when his ears caught the sound of a guitar. Hanemiya stopped, tilting his head to the side, wondering.

To begin with, he ignored the sound, thinking it was all in his head. That’s when a tune started to catch his years. A soothing tune: slow and deep. It was somewhat confusing not knowing what he would meet from the other side of the door. Hanemiya wrapped one of his hands around the black stripe of his backpack and opened the door. It was all the same, just as he left yesterday evening. The summer breeze kissed his skin as he walked out. The bench in front of him was occupied. He had seen her before. A glimpse or two when they passed the hall. That was it. He didn’t know her name and he didn’t mind that either. It was a big school, you are not bound to learn anyone’s names after all. The girl didn’t look up when he stepped to the rooftop. Her eyes were focused on the guitar. Her finger smoothly plucked each string with ease producing the same lyrical, melodic music he heard before.

“Nice tune,” He said, unable to handle the silence only broken by the sound of the melody. She looked up, her dark eyes surprised by his sudden words. That’s when Hanemiya realized she had not even heard him enter. Quite the prey for a serial killer.

She narrowed her eyes, placing the guitar on her lap, “You’re skipping classes.”

No Hi. No, Who are you? Just stating facts. Hanemiya shrugged, “I can say the same for you.”

She rolled her eyes, readjusting the guitar, “I have music now. The teacher is absent. I’m practicing on my own.”

“Such a nerd” The male muttered under his breath, taking a seat beside her.

She didn’t react, instead, she ran her smooth fingers across the guitar strings. It was like she was creating her own magic with music. Hanemiya watches for few long seconds: “You know, your music is pretty good.”

She looked surprised, “Uh, thanks?”

He shrugged, leaning back. “It’s not that surprising to hear. I bet you get that all the time.”

She gave him a sideways glance, “Not really, you sure you aren’t going to get in trouble because of skipping class?”

She was trying to change the subject, Hanemiya realized. But he didn’t say anything. He, out of all people, knew that sometimes people needed a break. “I am trouble, girl.” He smirked.

She rolled her eyes, “Well, I guess I have heard about your troubles a lot” She said, making air quotes.

Hanemiya grinned, “Glad to know I’m pretty popular, Uhm…” He grimaced, she knows his name but he doesn’t.

“Y/n” She simply replied. Just as if someone who’s used to be forgotten. Like someone who didn’t care about being forgotten.

“Right,” Hanemiya said, rubbing his hands together.

“I don’t make trouble, so people don’t know me,” She said, standing up. Hanemiya raised an eyebrow as she opened her black guitar case and carefully placed the instrument inside. He watched her moves, carefully. From her care for the guitar, it was evident how much she loved music.

“Once in a while, everyone needs to be in trouble.” He said. He didn’t know why he felt that but today he didn’t feel like going back to classes at all. “Without that, life gets boring”

She slung the strap over her shoulder, “I’m the kind who lives a boring life. Excuse me.”

“Wanna break the rules with me? For today?”

She turned in surprise. Her eyes widen, her fingers tightly wrapped around the black strap. “Huh?”

He gave her a sheepish grin, pushing back one of his stray bangs from his face. “You don’t look like you want to go back at all. You can use a little excitement.”

She looked as if she’d reject and Hanemiya wouldn’t have been surprised. They barely knew each other and never have talked before. But something about her made him feel different. It was almost sad that she didn’t have any excitement, hope in those beautiful eyes. She is missing out on the best things in life. “I don’t trust you” She boldly stated, “But yeah, I don’t want to go back.”

A smile crept upon his lips, “Wanna go?”

She nodded hesitantly, “I hope we don’t end up in jail” She murmured. Hanemiya grinned, walking out of the rooftop with her.

“Honestly, I hope so too”

He looked over his shoulder to see whether his statement has shaken her. But her face betrayed no emotion except for the same plain look. He was going to put light into those eyes today. Sneaking out of school was not the hard part. Hanemiya had done it countless times. You just need to know the right hallways and turn from the right corners. Soon, both of them were standing outside of the school, facing the clear view of the road and Hanemiya started leading her to the alley beside.

Each step was conscious. You were ready to flee at any given moment as you followed him towards the alley. In the school, Hansemiya didn't have the best reputation, but there were worse guys, and all you wanted to do today was escape. On other days, you might’ve even rejected if he asked to snitch school and go out during school hours. But lately, you haven’t felt anything. Your only friend was your guitar and your music. You could use something else to drown your thoughts. Hanemiya told you to wait by as he walked deeper into the street. His figure losing in the shadows of the dark alley. You waited, looking around. The main street was nearly empty. All the people were working, all the students studying inside schools. You stared at a nearby stray puppy limping through the road when you heard the sound.

It was a surprise that caught your heart in a storm. There he was, in front of you with a black motorbike, designed thoroughly with dragon stickers. Honestly, you didn’t know much about them but the motorbike looked pretty cool. Hanemiya had changed his school uniform with a black jacket. He tossed you a helmet and grinned, “Let’s escape”

You looked at it unsurely, “You ain’t gonna wear one? Do you have the license for that thing? Are you going to kidnap me?”

He rolled his eyes, “I don’t kidnap girls in broad daylight. C’mon, who do you think I am?”

“A stranger” You replied putting on the helmet and tightening the strap making sure you won’t bust your head if you get into an accident. Looking at his balance and the familiarity he had, like the motorbike was his second personality, you didn’t doubt his skill to ride it.

“Don’t worry, get on. This buddy is my best friend” He said, giving you a sheepish look, patting the seat of the bike.

Something clicked inside your heart. You didn’t remember how many times you have called your guitar your best friend. For the first time, you looked at him a bit more closely. He doesn’t seem to be a person with many friends and behind the excitement of his eyes, there was a hint of sadness. It was barely there, but it existed. You got on behind him and held onto his jacket as he raced through the streets of Shibuya. The trees, cars, people passed you by a blur. Like a watercolor painting ruined by water. Still, there was a beauty in it. Ruined and broken things always had this beauty to them. You just had to look a little bit harder, you just have to be more careful and vigilant. Hanemiya took a sharp turn, breaking your thoughts. You yelped in surprise, holding onto him tightly as you closed your eyes. You could hear his chuckle at your surprise. “You know what is the best feeling in Biking?”

“What is it?” You raised your voice a little because you had to cut through the wind to speak to him.

“It’s escape, Y/n. When I bike, I feel free. No one can touch me. Everyone just passes by me so fast. Sometimes, I feel like I’m escaping to another universe. Just me, the wind and the sound of my friend. It’s a different feeling” Hanemiya tilted his head slightly, taking another turn. “And today, there’s another person sharing my universe, that’s you”

You could feel your cheeks heat up. It should be the rush of wind, you thought as he spoke again, “Quick advice, don’t close your eyes. Open them wide and see. This is freedom!” He yelled the last part, breaking into a peal of soft laughter.

You decided to give it a try. You sat up a little straighter still holding on tight for him. You tipped your chin back slightly, feeling the wind cutting through your face, the harsh wind was comfortable in a unique way. You stared at the blue sky, painted with white tufts of clouds. Everything seems to pass you by, just as he said. It felt like escape, freedom. “This is awesome” You blurted out, leaning against his back, talking against his ear that he might actually hear.

He nodded, “Told you so!”

When he finally stopped beside the grassy plain of the river, you felt a little at loss. You were almost at a zone while you were on that bike. It was like suddenly, all the thoughts inside your mind disappeared leaving you floating in your own dream world. A place where you felt belong. He parked his motorbike and told you to wait. Surely, a lot of waiting, you thought. You sat down by the grass, placing your guitar beside you, waiting for this boy who appeared into your life out of nowhere. “I’m back!” He chirped, jumping behind you.

You turned to see him, holding on two popsicles and the ever-growing grin on his face. “Summer is the time for ice cream,” He said, handing you one.

You unwrapped it and tasted the chocolate and the minty flavour. He was not eating it smoothly, or correctly, you noticed as you looked at him in surprise. He was practically chewing down the popsicle. You cringed, “How are you even-”

He turned with a quizzical look, “Oh, I like the ice cream cold?”

You blinked, “What are your grades? Honestly? Ice cream is supposed to be cold. That’s why you call it ice cream.”

He juts out his bottom lip, “I was just trying to give you a reason.”

You hummed, “Do you often do this? Skip school I mean.”

Hanemiya put away the wrapped and laid down on the river bank, shielding his eyes from the direct sunlight on his face. “When I think it’s too much to handle, I do”

You looked at him. His sandy eyes looked distant. Pale skin shadowed with the silhouette of his own hand. You saw it again, the lingering sadness like chains he could not escape. You wondered the reason behind that. Just maybe, there was no reason at all. It’s just the way it is. We’re all a little sad and broken. Even though others expect us to be perfect, we just can’t and that’s the truth for everyone. “Don’t you ever feel lonely? You’re alone when you’re riding, no one in your little universe. It’s just you.”

He turned to look at you, “Sometimes, but I liked loneliness. When I’m with myself, no one can hurt me. I like it.”

“And you hate it too” Your reply was instant. He blinked in surprise, then a small smile drew out of his lips. You understood it: the nature of loneliness.

“Yeah, I hate it too” His voice was open than before. It was like the boy beside you was starting to open up slowly. He knew she understood and she knew he did too. “I’ve shown you my freedom” He propped himself on elbows, “Can you show me yours?”

It took you a second to realize he was looking at the guitar case resting beside you. You ran your hand through the smooth black fabric before deciding, it was only fair you show your freedom too. You put down the wrapper and carefully took out the guitar. Your finger idly running through the strings, embracing the melodies and the beauty of the sound. Almost magical to your ears. It had always been like this. When you held your guitar, you’re in your own little world. A parallel universe you made for yourself just as Hanemiya said. Your fingers ran through the strings with great familiarity. The melody was soothing for your ears. Your music spoke the words you couldn’t say. It was your outlet. Your way of telling the world that you’re lonely. There’s no beauty in sadness. That’s why your melodies always spoke the plain truth. The truth to your heart, to your soul. “Miya,” You said, turning to him after you finish one song. “This is my freedom. My way of escape.”

He nodded, “I like the nickname”

You flushed, “I’m sorry! I didn’t realize-”

He shook his head hushing you, “You were in the zone. Your music, it’s so beautiful Y/n. I love how it speaks raw and plain truth.” He turned to the river flowing in front of you, “And your eyes shine when you play. Like you have found the excitement” He smiled, “Your happy place”

The smile on your face was effortless, “Like you with your bike.”

“You know it!”

You two shared your ideas and talked with each other. You found comfort in his words as you had never found before. You had never known what it felt like to meet a person who understands. Understand the chaos in your soul. The deepness in your mind. You started to play another song. This time, the melody was a bit hype, because you’re happy. He dropped his head into your shoulder, relaxing. You stopped playing for a minute, unsure of your next move when he sleepily murmured, “Keep playing.”

So, you did. You didn’t know what this was. A boy sleeping beside you, soothed by your music. A boy who understood you’re not perfect and not supposed to be. A boy who showed you his world while you showed him yours. You didn’t know what to call this feeling, so you played it on the guitar. The feeling of butterflies. The feeling of belonging.

After few hours, you two finally decided it was time to leave. There was something you were holding back, the reason for you to be so down the whole day. “Y/n?” He asked, seeing you spacing out. “Are you okay?”

“It’s my birthday, you know” You weren’t looking at his face. You were staring at the river. There was a reason you loved rivers, no matter the challenges they never stop. “No one remembered. I didn’t expect them to. It would be nice if someone did” You scratched the back of your head, “Sorry, that was dumb”

You heard his footsteps before you saw his face right in front of you. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner!?”

You shrugged, “You used to be a stranger a few seconds ago”

He took a step back and pulled out his wallet, surprising you. He frowned, his face drawing into a deeply thinking expression. “Oi,” You said, “What’s that look for?”

He pouted, “It’s just I don’t have enough money to buy you anything.” He looks as if the gods have decided to send him to hell.

“I don’t need anything” You flushed, “I just told you because-”

He cut you off, wrapping one of his arms around you pulling you into a tight hug. You stiffened for a moment, before finally hugging back, pressing your face onto his leather jacket. “There’s something I can still give you” His voice was muffled. The two of you pulled away and stared at each other for a second. You didn’t guess his next action. Didn’t see it coming either. He brushed his lips against your own. The tiniest speck. The softest intimacy. “Happy Birthday, Y/n. Next year, I’m gonna make it special, I promise”

You closed your eyes for a second, “So, you’re going to kidnap me next year too?”

Hanemiya ruffled your hair, “Yeah, I’m gonna kidnap you from the rooftop next year too.”

You didn’t know why, but you trusted him when he said he’ll remember. “I’ll be waiting.”

“For a hot biker to kidnap you? Geez, Y/n, your imagination is sure wild” He teased, laughing.

“Not just any biker, the dork named Miya is the only one” You shot back, it was his time to flush.

“I didn’t know you had it in you,” He said, exaggerating his surprise as he clutched his heart dramatically.

“I always had it in me, the other people were not keen enough to draw out this side.” You flipped your hair, imitating his dramatic actions.

“What is this? A teen drama?” He huffed, slipping his hand to yours. His long slender fingers fitting right in yours. You both stared at the river for one last time before getting on the bike.

You never held someone so close in your life. It was like no one understood you, and never accepted you for who you are. You were insecure about your flaws, about those imperfections. But he made you feel right. He made you realize it’s okay to be imperfect. He found the meaning behind your music and saw right through you. Kazutora Hanemiya: a boy who knew about the art of loneliness. Who went behind the things he loved to make himself feel something. The only person who understood you. Walking with him, your hands intertwined. You realized how lucky you stumbled into him. How lucky you agreed to break the rules with him. Every second, every minute was worth it.

Happy Birthday to one of the loveliest people in the whole world! I love you Oya! Have a great birthday sweetheart! ❤❤❤❤❤❤

#tokyo revengers #x reader #kazutora hanemiya #kazutora x reader #happy birthday oya #i love you #fluff #birthday fic #you are amazing #x female reader

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wholesomemendes · 4 years

Text

Top of the List

Summary: You’re a junior in college who spends almost all of your time stuck in either your dorm room or the library until you’re forced to go to a frat party where you meet Shawn, who immediately changes your whole college experience.

Author’s Note: I’m backkkkkk. I am so so excited about this one. This was based off a request I got in like May or something like that basically so insanely long ago and I never got to it because I knew it was going to be long. I kinda went off track with the request too a little bit, but I hope you love it as much as I do. It’s my baby so please be kind (also it’s my birthday so please don’t hurt my feelings too much lol). As always, I love hearing any type of feedback and I love you all x

Word Count: 12.2k

The door of your dorm room slammed open as your roommate rushed inside, frantically throwing her bag onto her bed and rummaging through her closet. You peered over the top of your laptop where you were busy editing an essay you had just finished for a class, watching her distressed state with curious eyes. “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” Natalie asked almost breathlessly, settling on a silk, light pink top with a plunging v-neck and a short black skirt.

“Why are you rushing so much? Where are you going?”

You would’ve thought you had grown three heads by the way she looked at you and the way she rolled her eyes when she noticed you were being dead serious made you slightly cave in on yourself in disappointment. “How do you not know what’s going on tonight? Sigma Alpha Epsilon is throwing another one of their huge parties, it’s all everyone has been talking about for the past two weeks.”

“I don’t know, must’ve just gone over my head,” you mumbled, feeling a little self-conscious about your lack of knowledge on what was going on in the social life of your campus. Ninety-nine percent of the time your head was stuck in a book or hunched over your laptop doing homework in the library so it really shouldn’t have been a surprise that this party was nowhere on your radar.

“Well now you know, so you’re going with me. Chop chop you’ve got to get dressed.”

“HA, you think I’m going to a party?”

She raised an eyebrow at you, silently challenging you to disagree with her, “Um, yes you are. Connor invited me which means I’m inviting you because he invites like 20 girls and I don’t want to be stuck alone all night.”

“You’re not going to be alone all night,” you sighed, closing your laptop before swinging your legs off the side of the bed, “You’re popular enough on campus that you’ll be able to find someone to hang out there with if I’m not there.”

“I know, but it’d be more fun if you were there with me. Pleaseeeeeee.” Natalie pulled out her best puppy dog eyes on you, her bottom lip jutting out to make her face look more innocent, “I’ll even do your makeup and hair for you….and you can borrow some of my clothes!”

“What, are my clothes not good enough or something?”

“They are! They’re just a little too, what’s the word I’m looking for, conservative for a party. You need something a little bit scandalous, you know? Gotta give the boys a little something something.” She wiggled her eyebrows at you before letting out a huff of annoyance and getting up to grab your hand to pull you off of the bed, “Come on, no excuses. Let’s get you ready for tonight.”

__________________________

This wasn’t your scene. Natalie had left you to go play beer pong about thirty minutes after you stepped foot into the loud, alcohol-stenched frat house, but you soon lost sight of her when Connor whisked her away after their team won against two other frat boys to what you could only assume would be his bedroom. You didn’t mind that she left you, you’d rather have one of you enjoying yourself then have her be miserable trying to entertain you. The tight shirt and skirt Natalie forced you into didn’t seem like such a bad idea when you were staring at yourself in the mirror of your dorm (to be honest the way she did your hair and makeup gave you a newfound confidence you hadn’t had in years), but now as you stood in the corner of the kitchen quietly nursing your drink while your eyes scanned the crowd of sweaty college students, you couldn’t feel more insecure and self-conscious. Your arms wrapped around your center, desperately trying to cover up what little skin was to be seen and you wished that Natalie would come down those stairs any second to go back to your dorm with you. You were so lost in your thoughts you hardly noticed the stench of beer get stronger around you or the heat of another body on your shoulder until the unknown person was up against you. “Hey,” the boy who you recognized from one of your writing classes and were pretty sure was a part of another fraternity on campus slurred, “You wanna come dance with me, sexy?”

“Um, no I’m ok, thanks though.” You tried to turn and walk away from him, but were stopped abruptly by his hand gripping your wrist and pulling you closer to him again.

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” he breathed into your ear, hot breath fanning across your face in the process making you cringe inward on yourself, “I’d love to feel that ass of yours up against me.”

“I said no, I don’t want to dance with you.” You could feel the panic rising in your throat, causing your words to come out broken and weak, and you desperately wished someone would see the fear in your eyes and come help you. His grip on you tightened the more you resisted and in that moment you wished you had never been stupid enough to listen to Natale about how fun this party was going to be.

“And I said you should come dance with me. So why don’t you-” HIs hand was pried off your wrist in seconds and you rubbed the spot where it had left, holding it close to your chest in fear.

“I think she already said no, buddy.” Your savior came in the form of a curly, brown haired boy that stood at least a couple inches over your unwanted dance partner. A scowl was evident on his face, his brown eyes hard and dark, “Now you should probably get out before I ban you from ever stepping foot in this place again.” The other boy left, but not before rudely shoulder checking the person you believed was your hero, which only earned him a scoff in return. “God, can’t stand people like that. They have no common decency for anyone.” He made eye contact with you for the first time that night and your heart skipped a beat, your body feeling somewhat small compared to his tall height. He saw the fearful look in your eyes and placed a comforting hand on your shoulder before looking you up and down for any signs of damage from the previous encounter, “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I am now that you saved me,” you mumbled slightly, lowering your gaze to your cup in order to avoid his worried look, “Thank you, I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t stepped in.”

“Well I’m glad I could help. I’m Shawn, by the way, I don’t think we’ve ever met.” Sticking his hand out for you to shake, he gave you a dazzling smile and you immediately recognized him as the president of the fraternity, the one your roommate was constantly talking about trying to get into his pants. Seeing him up close for the first time, you couldn’t help but understand why all the girls wanted to get with him and why a lot of those girls did get with him. There was a blue bandana wrapped around his head pushing back the beautiful curls that adorned his head and his chiseled jaw and bright eyes entranced you, making it hard to look away. His black t-shirt was frayed at the top near the buttons, allowing his few chest hairs to peak out, and his muscles practically bulged out of the short sleeves. You noticed a few tattoos along his arms, one being the one all of the hockey players got after they won their championship, as you shook his hand, but his strong grip broke you out of your thoughts and forced you to look at him again.

“I’m Y/n.”

“It’s nice to meet you. Do you need another drink? I know where all of the good alcohol is if you want it,” he winked at you, a smug smirk on his lips as he held his hand up to his face as if he was telling you something top secret.

You looked at the almost empty beer in your hand sadly, but the thought of getting another drink absolutely disgusted you at the moment, “No thank you. I think I’m going to head out actually, I’m a little shaken up to be honest.”

“Don’t go because of that!” Shawn’s voice sounded rushed as if he desperately wanted you to stay, though you pushed the thought aside, knowing that he couldn’t care less about what you did. “If you want you can stay by me for the rest of the night or if you came with someone you can always use my name, I’ve learned it can get you a long way sometimes.”

Your eyes met his once again and you tried to push the butterflies that you were feeling down your throat. “I’m just here with my roommate, but I think she went up with one of your friends,” you admitted bashfully, rubbing your hand up and down your arm nervously, “I haven’t seen her in awhile. Parties aren’t exactly my thing, I’m only here because she forced me to come, so I think I’m just going to text her and then head out.”

“You’re going to walk home alone? Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“I don’t have any better ones right now.”

“Easy. I’ll walk you home.” He leaned against one of the walls comfortably as he spoke, a large smile on his face the entire time. There wasn’t a look of regret on his face, but you still questioned his motives. Why would he want to go out of his way to make sure you got home safe? Was he just trying to get you in bed with him? But if he was then why was he so adamant about getting that guy off of you?

“Don’t worry about it Shawn, really, I’ll be ok.”

“It’s either that or you’re staying in my room tonight so you don’t have to walk home alone.” There was a confident look in his eyes and he knew he had you beat, causing you to roll your eyes before walking past him towards the door.

His eyes followed you curiously as you walked away, watching as you turned around and beckoned him forward, “Come on then, I want to be asleep before 4,” leaving him to trail behind you like a puppy at your feet. __________________________

The two of you walked to your dorms in a mix of comfortable silence and easy conversation that sparked in the 10 minutes it took to get you home. It was surprising how little awkward tension there was for two people on completely different sides of the spectrum who had never met before today, but you wouldn’t trade it for the world. You learned he was majoring in music, something that his parents weren’t one hundred percent confident with, though they still supported him nonetheless he assured you, and that he had been playing hockey since he was 6. The moment you got to the door of your building you stopped, ready to thank him for walking with you and move on with the rest of your night, preferably reading your essay one more time before heading to bed, but Shawn had other plans. “Why’d you stop? Did you forget your key or something?”

“No,” you looked at him with furrowed brows, “I think I can walk up to my dorm myself.”

He crossed his arms defensively with a stern look on his face, “Oh I get it, you don’t want me to know which room you’re in. I saved you from some creep and you still think I’m just like him don’t you."

“It’s not that, I just don’t feel comfortable bringing you up to my dorm after we just met.”

“Which is a big deal because…”

“Isn’t me saying that it makes me uncomfortable enough of a reason?” you asked him, mimicking his position as a tiny bit of anger grew inside of you.

Shawn scoffed, rolling his eyes at your words, “Honey, if I wanted to get you in my bed, you’d already be in there by now. There’s no reason to worry about me doing anything to you if you let me walk you up there.”

“Excuse me? Just because you’ve gotten with the entire cheerleading team…”

“Not true...”

“And at least half of the sorority girls…”

“Half is pushing it a little bit…”

“Doesn’t mean that you’d be able to get with me. I don’t have time for a relationship right now and I don’t do random hookups, thank you very much. So thank you for saving me at the party and thank you for walking me home, but that will be all. Good night, Shawn.” With that you turned on your heels, using your key card before slamming the door in his face and heading up the stairs to your dorm. You couldn’t believe it. Right when you thought you were forming a type of friendship or a least mutual respect for someone that wasn’t your roommate it all fell apart like it always did. What were you thinking when Shawn Mendes was the definition of a frat boy? Why would he want to be friends with someone like you? You couldn’t even lie and say that it didn’t hurt a little when he said he would’ve already tried to get you in bed if he wanted to. Were you really that ugly that the boy who practically got with any female that wanted to didn’t want to get with you? Not that you would sleep with him if he had asked you, you did have an unspoken rule with yourself that you didn’t want to do hookups in college, but at least knowing that he found you attractive would have given you a slight confidence boost. You already hated how you had never been asked out by the boys in college, even though you weren’t exactly looking for a guy or putting yourself out there to be asked on a date, and how every girl seemed to sneer at you when you walked past. So that night you cuddled yourself under the covers, vowing to never step foot in another frat house again no matter how much Natalie begged. __________________________

“What are you doing tonight?” Natalie launched herself onto your bed, causing you to let out a groan when she landed on you.

You pushed her off of you while she laughed, making you roll your eyes, “Probably just binge watching some Netflix honestly. Why?”

“Really? That wasn’t what I thought you’d say at all.”

“What’d you think I was going to say?” you laughed as she sat up and leaned against your wall.

“Oh, something along the lines of ‘I have to study for a test that I’ve already taken and rewrite my essay for the thirtieth time’”, she said in a high pitched voice you soon realized was her impression of you.

“Hey, I do not sound like that! And besides, laugh all you want about it, but I’m at the top of the class so I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that, I’m just surprised you’re giving yourself a break.”

“I am,” you told her with a smile, “I have no homework to finish tonight or tests coming up or essays that need to be turned in, so I’m finally letting myself have a night off.”

“Or…”

You raised an eyebrow at her, “Or what.”

“Or you could come to the hockey game tonight with me so I’m not alone.”

“Oh hell no, Nat, I’m not doing this again.” You grabbed your laptop off of your side table, already ready to pop open your tv series for the night.

“What do you mean you’re not doing this again? It’ll be fun!”

“Last time you convinced me to go somewhere I almost got harassed by a drunk frat boy and then I got into an argument with another frat boy while you were busy hooking up with a different one.”

“Come on, it wasn’t that bad,” she scoffed, climbing off the bed, “Besides, you’ve never been to a hockey game before and you’re a junior. No offense, but do you know how pathetic that sounds. Our school is literally known for hockey! Just once and then I’ll never ask you to go again.” You gave her a stern look, one that threatened her to ask again, but when she flashed her eyes at you, you immediately gave in, rolling your eyes at yourself and already hating yourself for agreeing.

“Fine, but you can’t leave my side the entire night.”

“I promise I won’t! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She brought you into a bone crushing hug before releasing you in favor of searching through her closet for something for the both of you to wear. __________________________

You couldn’t lie and say you weren’t enjoying yourself a little bit. Opposed to last time Natalie was still sitting by your side and you had managed to convince her to let you wear one of your school hoodies and a pair of leggings to keep warm instead of the (as she phrased it) ‘hot ass’ outfit she had picked out for you. It was the final 10 minutes of the game and your team was ahead by four points, something everyone had been assured was an easy win from the start. Still, you could tell why everyone liked going to the games, it was energetic and loud and everything you thought a college game would be, but not as overwhelming. Even though Natalie had decided to sit next to Connor and they were relentlessly flirting and managing to have physical contact with one another the entire time, you were so focused on the game that it wasn’t bothering you as much as you imagined it would when you first sat down. You were entranced by the way the players skated across the ice, your eyes immediately drawing to one player in particular that seemed so comfortable on the ice. The moment you saw the back of his jersey though, MENDES written in bright white lettering, your heart dropped a little bit, not wanting to watch him as much as you were. Though it was hard not to when there was a clear reason he was made captain, so you were left to shamelessly follow his fast, steady movements across the ice.

The game soon ended with a win as expected and you were forced to follow Natalie and Connor deeper into the crowd of students to congratulate the team after they came out of their locker room. The crowd was cheering, adrenaline pumping through the air as you walked down the halls until you reached a large open space. Not long after all of the boys were making their way out, Shawn leading the pack like a true captain. A large portion of the girls (mostly puck bunnies or sorority girls or even some that just wanted some attention from the star himself) immediately crowded along Shawn and you could tell by the look on his face that he was enjoying every last second of it. His eyes scanned the crowd for a brief moment before landing on yours and you swore you could see his smile falter until it became even brighter than before. He excused himself from the hoard of girls as he headed your way, making your heart stop. Was he really coming to see you? What were you going to say? “Good job”? No, you don’t want to congratulate him, he was rude to you the other night. Don’t let him know how you couldn’t stop watching him the entire game, he doesn’t need another boost to his already huge ego. Is he gonna say something first? What if he…

“Hey man, how’d it look from the crowd?” Shawn asked as he bro-hugged Connor. Your heart dropped. Of course he was coming over here to talk to one of his best friends, why would you think he was coming for you? But you could’ve sworn the two of you had made eye contact. Were you really that stupid?

“Great as always, they were easy today anyways.”

“Yeah we went a little easy on them. Last time we absolutely creamed them and then I got threats from their team about how ‘we were gonna pay for embarrassing them like that,’” Shawn scoffed, “Like we were the ones who embarrassed them.” He turned his head, sending a bright smile your way before finally acknowledging you for the first time tonight, “I’ve never seen you at a game before, do you always leave right after it ends?”

You cleared your throat awkwardly, wondering if you should just lie or admit how antisocial you truly were, “No, um this is actually my first hockey game.” Ok, admitting how antisocial you are it is.

“Your first hockey game? What year are you?”

“I’m a junior…”

“You’re a junior and this is your first hockey game?”

“Oh calm down, it’s not that big of a deal,” Natalie chimed in, sensing your discomfort at the situation at hand.

“Wait, don’t tell me.” Shawn rubbed his forehead as if he was thinking before snapping his fingers in Natalie’s direction, “You must be Natalie, right? Y/n was telling me all about you the other night.”

“The other night?”

“Yeah, I walked her home after the party last week. She didn’t tell you?”

Her eyes went wide, looking in your direction with her mouth hanging open while you caved in on yourself, “No, she failed to mention that you were the one to walk her home.”

“Damn, you were that ashamed of me, eh?” Shawn let out a light chuckle before slinging an arm around you to pull you closer to him.

“Wasn’t exactly my proudest moment,” you mumbled, trying your hardest not to lean into his body that seemed so tempting. You didn’t know what body wash he used in his shower, the shower was evident by the slightly wet hair on his head that made him look absolutely breathtaking, but it was extremely inviting and you wanted nothing more than to snuggle your head into his chest and breathe it through your senses.

“Anyways, are you two coming to the party tonight?”

“I mean…” Natalie started, but you cut her off immediately.

“No, we’re heading back after this,” you gave a pointed look in her direction, “Right, Nat?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Oh come on, don’t be such a party pooper Y/n,” Shawn whined, ruffling your hair and laughing as you swatted his arm away.

“I’m not a party pooper, I’m just,” you stuttered for a second trying to find a decent excuse, “Just not quite dressed appropriately for a party, don’t you think?”

“Nonsense, I think you look great. But if it’s that big of a deal you can borrow my practice jersey and you’ll be all set.” Before you could protest Shawn was already reaching down into his duffle bag and producing a bright blue jersey with his name on the back. It was clear that this wasn’t just some jersey you’d buy in the school spirit shop, it looked as professional as it could, except the different design and tattered edges showed that it was made for practice.

“I’m not putting that on.”

“Why not? I promise it doesn’t smell and besides, don’t you want to let Nat have some fun?” He waved the jersey in front of you with a teasing smile on your face, causing you to roll your eyes before you snatched it out of his grip and pulled it over your sweatshirt. “That’s what I thought,” Shawn smirked as he put his arm back around your shoulders, “Now come on, I’ll drive, Y/n can be shot gun.” __________________________

No more than ten minutes later you were parked back at the same frat house you had been at the week prior and the mere thought of it made you sick. However, you didn’t know how much longer you could stay in Shawn’s jeep where he was stealing glances at you every five seconds and trying to annoy you in every way possible. He’d find every way possible to try and touch you in some way, whether it was a poke in the face or moving a strand of hair behind your ear, and constantly make comments that you wanted to laugh at, but wouldn’t be caught dead showing him that. So the second he parked you were already out of the car, breathing in a deep breath of clean air to make sure the scent of Shawn that was so heavy in his jeep would leave your senses. “Wow, was the drive that bad that you’re so eager to leave?”

You were praying with every ounce of your body that Shawn couldn’t see the blush on your face when he made eye contact on with you that teasing smile on his face, but the way Natalie snickered as she got out of the back of the jeep told you that she definitely knew. “No, I just get claustrophobic easily, that’s all.”

“Mhm.” Shawn looked at you, obviously not believing your excuse, but still motioning you towards the front door nonetheless. There was already a fair amount of people inside, at least enough to make you cringe at the thought of being there. Shawn had a light hold on your arm before leaning into your ear to make sure that you heard him, “I’m going to go get us some drinks. What do you want?”

“I don’t care, you can pick. Just please no shots of anything.”

“Ok, I’ll be back.”

Natalie and Connor were already god knows where, so you were left standing in the main foyer of the frat house, holding your arms around yourself while you looked around awkwardly, waiting for Shawn to return. You felt the familiar feeling of nervousness creeping up your throat and you forced yourself to focus on the smell of Shawn’s jersey and how warm it felt around you as a way to calm your rapid beating heart. He had only been gone a few minutes before someone else was approaching you, making your heart drop when you remembered what went down the last time you were here. “Hey, you wanna come dance with me?”

Hearing those words made you want to throw up, but you tried to keep your head up and your gaze unbothered while you prayed for Shawn to come back. “No thank you.”

“Well, can I go get you a drink then?”

“No, someone’s already…”

The feeling of an arm wrapping around you caused you to freeze until your nose caught onto the scent you had been unintentionally enjoying all night and you allowed yourself to relax into him. “I already got it for her. I think she’s all set, buddy.” The other guy got the hint quickly and backed away into the crowd until he was no more than a mere drop in a pool of people. “Damn, can’t even leave you alone for two seconds before you got some guy hitting on you,” Shawn laughed, but quickly stopped once he noticed the terrified look on your face. “Hey,” he placed a hand on your face to bring your eyes to his, “Did he touch you? Or hurt you?”

“No, no he didn’t, I’m still just a little shaken up from last time I guess,” you mumbled, bringing your gaze down to where your hands were engulfed in the fabric of your sweatshirt, “I’m sorry you have to keep saving me.”

“That’s understandable, it’s never a pleasant experience. And you never need to thank me, it’s just common decency.” You refused to meet his eyes again, but you heard his sigh before he gently grabbed your hand in his and handed you your drink. Your heart fluttered when he took your other hand in his grasp, the feeling of his rough calluses overwhelming your senses. “What do you say we go dance? Get your mind off of things for a little bit, let loose.”

“I don’t know Shawn, I’m not the greatest dancer…”

“You don’t have to be. I promise it will be fun.”

You knew there was a ninety-nine percent chance that you were going to embarrass yourself completely in front of him, but the way he was staring at you like it would break his heart if you said no made up your mind for you in a second. “Ok, let’s go.”

A wide smile broke out on Shawn’s face before he dragged you into the crowd, finding a spot he deemed fit for the two of you to dance in. It started out with just a simple step touch as you started to feel the rhythm of the music and allow yourself to relax as much as possible while sipping on the drink he got you. He tried to make small talk with you even over the loud music, resulting in him having to brush his lips against your ear as he spoke to you. Your heart fluttered with each movement and the alcohol you were consuming wasn’t making it any easier when he’d laugh at something you said, his bright brown eyes crinkling from his cheeks. As the night got longer and your cup became emptier, the distance between the two of you became smaller and smaller until your chest was pressed right against his. His free hand came up to naturally grasp your waist, but not in a way that made you uncomfortable. On the contrary, it made your stomach do flips that you couldn’t control even if you wanted to. His face was getting close, too close for your muddled brain to do anything rational about it. You didn’t know exactly what was put in the drink (it was delicious though and you knew he would tell you if you asked), but as a light weight you were definitely feeling the effects of it, so just as his nose touched the tip of yours you pulled away, muttering in his ear about how you had to use the bathroom before running off away from the crowd.

After winding through the halls of the house and passing multiple people making out against the walls, you finally reached the bathroom where you shut the door in a hurry, allowing yourself to take a deep breath as you leaned against the counter. Your eyes lifted up to stare at your reflection in the mirror, your brain struggling to process what had just happened. Was he going to kiss you? Was this his plan all along, to get you comfortable enough around him to have you wrapped around his finger? No, that couldn’t have been it. He was so easy to talk to and seemed genuinely interested in what you had to say and what you were doing. He wouldn’t do that just to get with you, would he? Your thoughts are interrupted by a series of knocks on the door, followed by a worried voice, “Y/n? Are you ok in there?”

“Yeah! I’ll, um, I’ll be right out!” You splashed some water onto your face in an effort to calm yourself down to a degree before opening the door to be met with Shawn’s concerned face.

“I’m sorry if I rushed you. You just ran out of there so quick I was worried something happened.”

Your heart swelled at how much he seemed to care about you and you willed the heat to leave your face, “No, I’m ok. I did feel a little crowded in there, but I’m ok now, thanks.”

“Yeah, of course. What do you say we go to the kitchen for a little bit to talk in there? It usually isn’t too crowded this far into the party.” You allowed him to take your hand and lead you into the kitchen where, like he said, was completely empty besides a few people every now and then that would come to refill their glass. Most of the alcohol had been moved into various places of the house so there was no fear of a bunch of hammered students coming in and ruining the place. There was a comforting silence between the two of you for a moment, the only sound being the music that could be heard from the main room as you both leaned against the counter next to one another. “I’m glad you came to the game tonight,” Shawn broke the silence, looking at you with a sincere look in his eye, “And thanks for letting me drag you to this party.”

“I don’t think I could’ve said no to the party, you’re pretty convincing,” you admitted, downing the last sip of your drink, “You were really good tonight, too. I never told you earlier, but I couldn’t stop watching you as you played. It’s obvious why you were chosen as captain.”

Shawn let out a nervous chuckle, his own cheeks showing a hint of pink to them, “Thanks, it means a lot. Do you want another drink?”

“No, I’m ok. I get drunk easily so I think I should stop before it gets worse.” You easily learned that you were an extremely honest drunk and if the words you were saying to Shawn were any indicator, you definitely shouldn’t drink anything more.

“That’s a shame, I have a feeling that you’re fun when you’re absolutely plastered.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Well, you’re already fun as it is, but it takes a while for you to open up. I think I’d get to see you at your fullest, you know what I mean? But that’s just off of my first couple impressions of you, so what do I know.” He finished off his statement by grabbing a beer from the fridge, returning to a spot much closer to you, so close that your shoulders were right up against one another. “Do I make you uncomfortable?”

“No, I’m very comfortable around you,” you whispered, eyes falling down to his smooth, red lips.

He caught the motion of your eyes and let his do the same, his face coming just that extra inch closer to yours, “Do you think it would be ok if…”

“Y/n! We’re going home!” Natalie came barging into the kitchen, grabbing your arm and dragging you to the door.

“What? What’s going on?” you asked her, trying to tug your arm away, but her grip was strong and she was dead set on ordering an uber to get out of here as soon as possible.

“I’ll tell you when we get back.”

Your heart dropped as you looked at Shawn who looked just as confused and saddened as you. “Bye Shawn, thanks for bringing us.”

“Wait,” he muttered to himself, running towards the door before Natalie could get you out of it, “Give me your phone really quick.”

“Why?”

“Just trust me.” You unlocked your phone for him and watched as he added his number into your messages, even including a silly picture of him as his contact photo that you knew you’d be laughing at later. “Text me when you’re back at your dorm, eh? Wanna make sure you get home safe.”

Looking into his eyes you saw a completely different man than the one you had yelled at on the first night you met. This one seemed vulnerable as he stared at you, as though he was putting himself bare in front of you and showing you the real him. You nodded your head, taking your phone from his hand before Natalie was pulling you towards the uber. “I promise I’ll text you.”

“Bye Y/n.” __________________________

“What was that for?!” you demanded, staring down your roommate as she fell onto her bed.

“Connor and I got into a fight.”

“I didn’t know the two of you were dating.”

“That’s the thing...we’re not.” She sighed, propping herself up against the wall, “See the thing is...we’re talking I guess, but it’s not exclusive. It’s more like a ‘talking’ so we can hook up if we want to sort of thing.”

“So what does that have to do with you dragging me out of the party.”

“Well I was making out with Tim…”

“Why were you making out with Tim?”

“Because he’s hot and I’m drunk so it was a great idea. That was until Connor saw and got all pissed because apparently I’m not allowed to do that, but he’s all over girls all the time still so I don’t see the big deal! And because I’m so drunk I was over fighting with him for the night and I’m mad so therefore we had to leave.”

“Great,” you muttered, “I was finally having a good time at a party and then you and your hook up had to mess it up.”

“Y/n, I’m sorry. I truly am. If there was a way to make it up to you I’d do it. But preferably when I’m sober.”

“It’s fine, it’s not that big of a deal anyways,” you mumbled before you began to change into some more comfortable clothes for the night. You noticed you were still wearing Shawn’s jersey that you would ultimately have to give him back for the game, but you couldn’t help but think that you could worry about getting it to him tomorrow and maybe that would be your chance to make up for the time you lost tonight. __________________________

The light streamed in through the window of your dorm and you groaned, pushing yourself out of bed to turn off your alarm. You sighed to yourself as you got yourself up and moving for the day, even going as far as making sure that Natalie was still alive and breathing after she came home late last night from a bar before grabbing your bag to head to class. You hated your 8am class, but it was the only slot available that worked with your schedule so you simply had to man up and accept your fate. You were about halfway to your class when you heard a distant voice call out to you and you whipped your head around to meet a smiling curly haired boy running your way. “Y/n, hey,” Shawn smiled at you after finally catching up to you, “Long time no see.”

“Hey, Shawn, how have you been?” You hadn’t seen him since you had dropped his practice jersey off at the doorstep of the frat a few weeks back, but you couldn’t lie and say a part of you was hoping that you’d run into him again.

“Good, miss seeing you at the hockey games though.”

His comment made you blush and you brought your gaze to the floor so he couldn’t see your heated cheeks. “I never really went before so I wasn’t exactly planning on going anytime soon again.”

“You didn’t have a good time?” he asked with a feigned offense, big puppy dog eyes on display as he walked next to you.

“I promise I did, I just prefer to stay in my dorm and study if we’re being honest.”

“I understand,” he nodded thoughtfully, “So where are you headed?”

“English Literature, how about you?”

“Calculus, which if we’re being honest here is not my strong suit. If I don’t get at least a B on this next test they could pull me from the game. I swear I’m not dumb, I just don’t get it I guess.”

“Well, I don’t know if it means anything to you, but I had an A in that class last semester. I could help you out if you want.”

“You’d do that for me?” he asked with wide eyes, bringing you both to a halt in front of your lecture hall. “Of course I would, when’s your test?”

“Next Tuesday, could we meet on Thursday after practice?”

“Sounds perfect. Just text me the time and place.”

“I owe you a bunch.” Shawn leaned in to press a kiss to the top of your temple that left your heart fluttering before making his way over to his own class. __________________________

Thursday felt like it would never come, but there you were sitting alone inside the library at eight thirty at night, waiting for Shawn to arrive from his practice. A million thoughts were swirling through your head the longer you waited and you desperately wished he would show up to give you a distraction from your mind. You were constantly worried that he wouldn’t show up, had planned on ditching you from the start as some kind of sick joke, but that fear was diminished when he stumbled through the doors. “I’m sorry I’m late,” he breathed out, “Practice went later than expected.” A series of students shushed him for being too loud, causing a sheepish expression to grace his face, “Sorry.”

He sat his bag down next to you, sliding in close enough that you would be able to see what the other was doing while still maintaining a safe distance. “Sooo,” you broke the silence as he got his books out, “What do you want to start with?”

The rest of the time was spent discussing Shawn’s upcoming test and explaining what each concept was to the best of your ability. You could tell that he was smart, he just needed a little bit of help, so he was very easy to work with. Besides how hard it was for you to concentrate around him that was. Whenever he leaned in to peer over your work a little more, your heart beat increased rapidly and you held your breath until he moved away again. You couldn’t tell if he was aware of your behaviors, but he seemed extremely unfazed, always dazzling you a bright smile after something made sense to him. It was adorable to you when his eyes would furrow a little bit while he was working and the proud glow on his face when he got a problem right.

Time seemed to go by quick with all the little jokes he was making and soon enough it was eleven at night and the library was beginning to close down. “Guess we should be heading out then,” Shawn laughed, “Unless you plan on sleeping in here tonight.”

“No, not exactly. Was kind of looking forward to my bed if I’m being honest.” A chuckle of your own escaped your lips as you packed up your bag alongside him.

“Did you drive here?”

“No, my car isn’t on campus. I just walked.”

“Well I hope you weren’t planning on walking back too.”

“What other choice do I have?”

Shawn raised an eyebrow at you, “Seriously? You’re going to ask that when I’m literally right here.”

“I’m not going to ask you to drive me home, Shawn.”

“Good thing you’re not asking me, I’m telling you. Now come on, my jeep is right out here.” You didn’t protest this time, knowing he wouldn’t back down from his offer, and instead followed him out to that black jeep you vividly remember from your last trip in it.

The ride back to your dorm was significantly quieter than what your previous encounters with Shawn had been besides the quiet music playing in the background. By the time he had pulled in front of your building, there were hardly any cars to be seen around and all of the students were already inside. Shawn turned his body to face you, “Thanks for the help tonight, I really appreciate it.”

“My pleasure. Good luck on your test next week, I know you’ll do great, but you can still text me if you want to meet up again.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He gave you a kind smile when you thanked him for the ride before you opened the door to the brisk night air. “Y/n wait…”

“What?”

“I know you’re not really into parties but…,” his words trailed off as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “There’s this movie night thing at the frat Saturday night and all of the guys are expected to bring a date. Do you maybe wanna come with me?”

You looked at him with wide eyes, “You want me to be your date?”

“Yeah, if you want to be.” Even in the darkness you could see the way his cheeks reddened and he failed to look you in the eye.

“I’d love to go,” you told him truthfully and you couldn’t help but smile with him when his face lit up at your words.

“Really?! That’s, that’s great! You’re supposed to wear your pajamas by the way so I hope that’s ok with you.”

“Perfectly fine with me. Just text me the time later.”

“I will. Bye, Y/n.”

“Bye, Shawn.” He watched you walk into your building with a giddy smile on his face before he drove back to his frat for a sleep that he hoped included dreams of you. __________________________

“What are you getting all dolled up for?”

You look over from where you’re doing your hair to see Natalie laying on her bed staring at you with curious eyes. “I’m going to movie night with Shawn.”

“You’re going to movie night with Shawn?!” Natalie exclaimed, her eyes practically bursting out of her head.

“Yeah, he asked me to go with him as his date.” You tried to keep your calm in front of her and not show how excited you truly were, but your smile was fighting to break free on your face.

“Is he picking you up?”

“No, I’m probably just going to walk or maybe get an uber.”

“Walk? Honey, no. Connor is picking me up, I’ll just text him and ask if he can drive you, too.”

“You don’t need to do that…”

“Nonsense, there’s no reason for you to walk when I’m literally driving to the same place.” Natalie quickly grabbed her phone to text something to Connor before getting up out of bed to walk over and fluff your finally curled hair.

“What’s going on with you and Connor anyways?”

“Oh, we’re just friends with benefits for now,” Natalie said dreamly, her hands separating your curls to make them more natural as she spoke, “But we decided that we’re going to be exclusive. No more arguments about that I guess.” You nodded your head thoughtfully, carefully examining your appearance in the mirror. “Why are you getting ready so early? We don’t have to leave for another two hours.”

“I know, but I thought you’d have to use the curler and mirror, too, so I figured I’d get done early so you could have enough room to do everything.”

“You’re the sweetest ever,” she told you, kissing the top of your head making you scrunch your nose. “Do you want me to do your makeup for you?”

“I’m not sure, I just want to do something natural.” You examined your face with much criticism, trying to decide what you wanted to do to hopefully make you look more appealing to Shawn. You didn’t just think that did you? You’re not really trying to impress Shawn tonight, right? The butterflies in your stomach told you otherwise and you cursed yourself for the thoughts that were taking over your head.

“I can do that,” Nat responded quickly, “Easy. Now what I’m concerned about is what you’re wearing tonight.”

“I was planning on wearing some sweatpants and a tank top or maybe one of my patching pajama tops and bottoms. I wasn’t sure yet.”

“See this is where we’re going to have an issue. Don’t you want to wear something a bit more revealing? Want to impress Shawn a little bit? I have a slip you can borrow if you want or…”

“No, I’m all set, I just want to be comfortable. I appreciate the concern, but you know it’s not me to wear something like that out in public. It makes me uneasy.”

“I know, I know. Let’s just focus on getting your makeup looking absolutely perfect just like you.” __________________________

Connor pulled up to the frat house before unlocking the car door for you and slinging an arm around Natalie’s seat to look back at you, “Why don’t you go in and meet up with Shawn, we’ll be in in one second.” You gave him a forced smile and a small thank you as Natalie giggled and you rolled your eyes the second you got out, happy to finally be away from their never ending teasing of one another. You made your way up to the door of the frat and knocked loud enough to be heard, transferring your weight back and forth out of nervousness. The door opened not long after revealing your date for the night looking as cozy as ever in a pair of grey sweatpants and a cotton white t-shirt. His eyes subtly looked you up and down with a smile on his face. “Hi.”

“Hi,” you breathed out, letting yourself admire him the way he was you.

“You look beautiful.”

“Thank you, you look extremely comfy and nice as well.”

“Why thank you, I like the plaid.” You looked down at your plaid sleep pants and tighter fitted grey long sleeve you had on top, your cheeks blushing red at his comment.

“I know I probably am not dressed up like a lot of the other girls, but I just wanted to be comfortable…”

“Stop it, I think you look amazing. Now come inside, I already have a spot for us.” You followed him through the frat house until you came into the kitchen that looked a little different now that it wasn’t filled to the brim with alcohol. “Do you want any hot chocolate? Or tea?”

“I’ll have hot chocolate please.”

“Good choice, good choice,” he chuckled, pouring some of the boiling water into two mugs. “You know, I’m kinda surprised Natalie didn’t force you to wear some form of lingerie like a lot of the girls are.”

“She tried to convince me to, but I didn’t want to. I’m just as surprised as you are though that she let me get away with this.”

“Well, I think it’s better that you came here comfortable rather than wearing any of that.” He handed you your cup, warning you of how hot it was. “Speaking of Natalie, where are her and Connor?”

“Still in the car, they kicked me out right when we got here.”

“Typical,” Shawn snorted before making his way into the living room with you trailing behind him. The room was already about half the way full with couples, if you could even call them that, and the room had a much cozier vibe than what you had previously seen it as. There were blankets everywhere and snacks piled up onto all of the tables. There were a few guys and girls that were obviously not too interested in their date and were mingling with other people instead and some that were extremely interested in their date to the point where it was almost obnoxious. “I got us the seat in the corner by the table. You can put your mug there if you want and those blankets that are there are ours, too. I’m just going to run to the bathroom quickly so you can wait there until I come back or you can go somewhere else.” He kissed your cheek lightly, leaving you with a heated face before he left you alone in the room. You swore you could feel the hard stares of the breathtaking girls around you and you sank yourself down into the couch, desperately wishing Shawn hadn’t left you here by yourself.

You sat there for almost ten minutes before you had decided that you were finished being the target for the judgemental looks and whispers from those around you, peeling yourself out of your spot before heading towards what you were praying was the bathrooms in hopes of running into Shawn on the way. Just as you rounded the corner you could faintly make out a female voice and you snuck your head around only to be met with a sight that made your heart drop. There she was, the drop dead gorgeous head cheerleader you knew had been in Shawn’s sheets multiple times before, with her hand on your date’s chest, that mischievous glint in her eyes that was laced with lust. Shawn’s hands were wrapped around her wrists and although you couldn’t hear their words, you couldn’t help but feel betrayed at the whole situation. Here you are, being made a fool of in front of all of these people who have always seemed to despise you from the start. You finally started letting your guard down for Shawn and what do you get in return? A stabbing pain in your heart. Tears began prickling in your eyes before you turned straight on your heels to head out of the frat without a second thought in your mind.

Just as you were about to reach the door, it opened for you, Natalie and Connor entering with giddy smiles on their faces. But at the sight of you, Natalie’s smile dropped, “Hun, what happened?”

“Nothing, I think I might head out.”

“What?” She made a signal to Connor so that he’d leave the two of you alone and he agreed, whispering something in her ear before moving past you. “Ok, now tell me what happened. You were so happy about coming tonight!” With tears threatening to fall down your face, you told her exactly what you saw from the moment you stepped into the house and before you knew it, you were encased in her arms, her hands rubbing comforting circles on your back. “I’m so sorry, baby. He doesn’t deserve you if he’s going to let her get away with that.”

“Am I stupid to be so affected by this?”

“No, that was a dick move on his part and you are allowed to feel upset about it. What we’re not going to do though is leave, you hear me? Two can play at this game.”

“What do you mean?”

“I meannn, let’s give him a taste of his own medicine. Come on, follow me.” She wiped underneath your eyes before leading you back into the living room towards the couch on the opposite side. Two guys you recognized from the frat were sitting there alone and when you noticed Natalie walking over to them confidently, your heart stopped.

“Nat, what are we doing?”

“Just trust me on this...Hey guys!” The two guys looked up at the sound of her voice, a heavy smirk on both of their lips. “You got any extra room for a little bit?”

“Be my guest,” the blonde one responded and Natalie wasted no time in pushing you to sit next to them.

You stumbled slightly onto the couch, but recovered quickly, sending a light wave to the guys, “Hi.”

They both greeted you back with a smile, leaving Natalie to be quite satisfied as she whispered in your ear, “Be back soon,” and then she was gone.

You weren’t close enough to the guys that it would be considered dangerous to you, but you were definitely closer than you would usually be with some strangers that you had literally just met. The conversation flowed easily between the three of you, not as easily as it did between you and Shawn though, and you found yourself constantly glancing towards the entryway in case he decided to make an appearance. Just as one of the frat members announced that the movie was starting in five minutes Shawn made his way into the living room, his eyes spotting you immediately. You could see his jaw clench from the corner of your eye and the way his eyes hardened was not easy to miss. This only made you up the antics a little more, with a hand moving to the shoulder of the guy closest to you before the sound of your name being called from across the room caught your attention, as well as everyone else’s in the room. You looked over to see Shawn staring at you coldly, his head nodding at the seat he had for you as a signal for you to come back. “Thanks for the seat boys, but I better be heading back,” you told them with a cheeky smile that they returned to you before heading over towards Shawn. You could feel the strong gaze of the other couples and you desperately wished that you could curl in on yourself and disappear. Once you were close enough to him he pulled you down harshly into his lap, wrapping his arms around you and whispering in your ear, “What the hell were you doing over there?”

You wriggled out of his arms, but still laid next to him, allowing him to bring the blanket up and over you with his arm around you. “I was making some new friends to keep me company since you were so busy with Vanessa when you were supposed to be just using the bathroom.”

“Fuck,” he said under his breath, “Listen, I don’t know what you saw, but…”

“I don’t want to hear it Shawn, I just want to watch the movie and leave.”

“No, I want you to listen to me because I can see how you might have taken this the wrong way.”

“Was there a right way to take it?” you whispered back angrily, feeling his arm tighten around you so that he could bring his mouth closer to your ear.

“Not from your point of view, but I swear I didn't mean to hurt you. I haven’t been answering her texts for the last two months and threatened to block her last week and she was all butthurt about it, saying that she wanted things to go back to when she could call me for a booty call whenever she felt like it. And I don’t want that anymore. I’ve got my eye on someone right now and I wouldn’t mess up my chance with her like that.”

“If you have your eye on someone then why didn’t you bring her tonight?”

“I did.” You looked up at him as the lights were turned off and you caught a glimpse of his eyes before he was facing the screen and pulling you closer to his chest. You snuggled into him and wrapped your arm around his body too, leaving the both of you with graceful smiles on your faces. __________________________

Of course the guys had picked a scary movie for the night, causing you to squeeze Shawn a little tighter at every jump scare. He didn’t mind though, it only gave him an excuse to pull you closer to him and press light, comforting kisses into your hair. Somewhere between the halfway point of the movie when you tucked your head into Shawn’s chest at a particularly frightening scene and the end of the movie, you found yourself dozing off, eventually falling into a light slumber cuddled up against him. The even beating of his heart lulled you to sleep until you felt him shaking you softly, whispering your name into your ear. “Hey, the movie’s over.”

“Oh,” you sat up and tried to comb back your slightly messed up hair, seeing the other couples retreat to their respective rooms, “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”

“Don’t be, you look cute when you’re comfy.” His words caused your cheeks to heat up and you situated yourself to try and hide your face from him. “Are you ready to go back to sleep?”

“Yeah, I should probably head out.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m ready to fall back asleep...which means that I need to go home so I can go to sleep in my bed.” You looked back at him with furrowed brows that matched his.

“Y/n, it’s two in the morning, why don’t you just stay here. No one else is leaving.”

“You don’t have a spare room though…”

“You can sleep in my room, I’ll sleep on the floor if you feel too uncomfortable.”

“No Shawn, I’m not kicking you out of your own bed. If you’re so adamant about me staying then we might as well share it.”

“Are you sure you’re ok with that?”

“I’m a big girl, Shawn, I think I can handle sleeping in a bed with you for one night.”

Shawn let out a laugh that was music to your ears before extending a hand to you that you gladly accepted. His hand engulfed yours perfectly and you stumbled as he pulled you up off the couch because you were too busy trying to memorize the feeling of his hand in yours. “Careful there, honey,” his sweet voice drawed out, “You’re even more tired than I thought. Can hardly stand on two feet.” He escorted you hand in hand to his bedroom, which was much cleaner than you would have imagined. There were a couple guitars on stands, a piano in the corner, some hockey gear half stuffed into a bag on the floor, all things that perfectly described Shawn to you. He slid into his bed, adjusting himself under the covers before looking at you with a boyish grin and beckoning you towards him. You sat down next to him, playing with your hands awkwardly. “You ok?” You nodded your head. “I can put up a pillow barrier if you want, I have to admit I tend to be a cuddler.”

You giggled, imagining you waking up to find him snuggled up against a pillow between the two of you. “It’s ok, I don’t think we need a pillow barrier.”

“Suit yourself.” He turned off the light, getting even more comfortable in his bed and turning towards the wall. “Goodnight, Y/n.”

“Goodnight, Shawn.” __________________________

The deep scent of oak and cinnamon should have woken you up. The heavy weight slung across your stomach should have woken you up. The unusual heat that was spreading across your back should have woken you up. But instead, they all just kept you in a peaceful slumber as the morning light streamed in through the window.

Shawn was the first to awake. Breathing in your comforting scent, he squeezed you a little tighter, not quite realizing what he was doing. The moment you pushed back into him in an effort to get impossibly closer to him his senses became wide awake, suddenly making him on high alert to how close you were to him. He couldn’t imagine how you’d feel if you woke up to find the two of you like this, but when he tried to untangle himself from you and you subconsciously gripped his arm tighter, pulling him back to you, he gave up the fight and let himself get lost in the moment. Against his better judgment he placed his lips to your hair, leaving feathery kisses in their wake. Your body began to move slowly as you came to a consciousness, but Shawn continued to kiss down your neck until he finished with a soft one on your shoulder. “Good morning,” he rasped, looking at you through his lashes.

“Good morning.” The second you came to a full realization of what was happening your body froze, not quite able to process the exact situation. The immense heat that was radiating off of him was too soothing for you to resist though and soon your body fell slack against his just as it was while you were asleep.

“How’d you sleep?” Shawn asked, tracing his finger across your cheek bone.

“Like a baby.”

“Good to hear.” His stomach rumbled, making a laugh escape out of him, “And that is good to hear too, I guess. You want to go get some breakfast.”

Deep inside you wanted to say no and selfishly keep him close to you all morning long, “That sounds perfect.”

Your body became cold the second he left your side and you shivered slightly from the temperature change. “You ok?”

“Yeah I’m fine,” you lied, grabbing his hand to help you out of bed. He pulled your body close to his, looking at you deeply with those gorgeous brown eyes of his.

“Were you uncomfortable this morning?”

“No,” you stuttered, feeling small as he towered over you even if you didn’t find him intimidating, if anything the words coming out of his mouth were more intimidating than him.

“Why not?”

His body came closer to you with each word until you were backed up against the wall, his chest pressing against yours. “What?”

“I asked you why you weren’t uncomfortable.” His face was so close to you that you could see every last detail of his skin, including a scar on his cheek that you didn’t happen to notice before, but made him look all the more endearing to you.

“Because I trust you.”

“Is that all?”

“Yes.”

You could tell by the way that his eyebrow quirked up that he didn’t believe your wavering voice, “Are you telling me the truth? Because I want to know if you feel the same way about me that I do.”

“What do you mean?”

“I thought I made it quite obvious,” he chuckled, “I really, really like you, Y/n. I was hoping maybe this morning was a sign that you felt the same way…”

“It was,” you breathed out quickly, not wanting this moment to fade away. “I like you too, Shawn.”

His lips fanned over yours and your breath hitched in your throat, desperately waiting for him to move the final inch. “I’m not going to kiss you,” he told you, watching the light in your eyes dim and cast down to the ground, “Hey, look at me.” Shawn grabbed your chin gently, pulling your eyes back up to his, “It’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because it feels wrong to do it without going on a date first. You understand?” You nodded your head sadly, making him let out a quiet laugh, “But I would like to take you out on a date if you’d let me.”

“I’d love to go on a date with you.”

“Perfect,” he leaned in to kiss the tip of your nose, “Now let’s go down and eat breakfast. I’m absolutely starving.” __________________________

Are you free Tuesday night? Sorry, I just couldn’t wait to ask you

The message came through the second you stepped through the door to your dorm room. Natalie and Connor had woken up later than you and Shawn, so Shawn had offered to drive you home instead. You looked out your small window that happened to be facing the street and were met with his jeep still parked next to the curb. His eyes met yours causing the two of you to smile and you could practically hear his laugh from three floors up.

I’m free all night

Perfect, see you then I’ll pick you up x

Can’t wait x __________________________

The rest of the weekend seemed to drag on until your classes came again on Monday to distract your mind from the next day. It didn’t help that you and Shawn were texting almost every second of the day since you two had parted, only adding to your anticipation.

After seeming as though it would never arrive, Tuesday night came upon you, bringing you back to the same chair this all started with. Natalie was over the moon when you told her about your date, immediately wanting to know everything about it and what outfit you were planning on wearing. She had you propped up in what she called her “makeup chair” making sure your makeup and hair were the best they had ever looked. You had chosen a simple sweater and leggings, hoping that you looked nice enough while still managing to stay warm and comfortable. Shawn hadn’t told you where you were going yet, stating that it had to be kept a surprise, so you worked with what you had in order to have an appropriate outfit.

At six o’clock sharp Shawn was waiting outside, leaning against his jeep on his phone was a bouquet of flowers in one hand. His eyes flickered to the door anytime he heard a noise, but at the sight of you he stood up straight, hands pocketing his phone before he was headed straight towards you. “Hey, you look beautiful.”

“And you look as handsome as always.”

A blush formed on his cheeks at your words and he handed you the flowers bashfully, ducking his head down to avoid your gaze. “These are for you.”

“They’re gorgeous, thank you.” He sent you a bright smile as he took your hand to lead you around the car, opening the door for you to slide inside.

“Will you tell me where we’re going now?” you asked as soon as he slid into the driver's seat.

“Not yet, gotta keep the suspense up,” he teased, his hand coming up to lace his fingers with yours on the center console. “I hope you’re hungry though.”

“If we’re being honest I’m always hungry.”

“Then this is going to work out great.” The ride was short and before you knew it you were turning into a parking lot of a small old-fashioned diner a few minutes off of campus. Shawn parked the car, running around the jeep quickly to open the door for you. You smiled at his kind gesture and took his outstretched hand for you to walk inside together.

The two of you were sat inside of a booth across from each other as you scanned the menus. Shawn hardly looked at his before he was nodding his head and leaning back in his seat to look at you, “Got any idea of what you’re getting?”

“Um, not really. Have you been here before?”

“More times than I can remember. I usually go here after practice late at night because it’s open until like three in the morning.”

“Any suggestions?”

“Well I always get the cheeseburger with no tomato, a chocolate milkshake, and extra fries…”

“Extra fries? You eat that many fries?”

Shawn laughed, a wide smile forming on his face, “Most of the time yes, but if I don’t I just bring them back to the frat house. They’re always gone a couple seconds after I set them down.”

“Hmm, I can't decide if I want a chocolate shake like you or an oreo one. What do you think?”

“I think you should get an oreo one and then we can share them both.” You looked over your menu at him with a small smile, watching his eyes light up as he returned your expression.

“Then that’s what I’ll do.” The waitress came over and you ordered the same thing as Shawn, except with tomatoes, different shake, and of course, no extra fries. Once your milkshakes came out, he requested two extra straws, winking at you as he slid them in.

“So,” he began, sipping on his chocolate milkshake, “Do you think you’re going to come to more hockey games this season?”

“I’m not sure, I guess I’d need a good reason to go,” you smirked at him, taking a sip of yours as well.

“I’m pretty sure I could give you a good reason.” He looked around to make sure no one was looking, but fortunately you two were the only ones in there besides another couple on the other side. Shawn grabbed your hand and leaned forward, his nose brushing against yours. Your heart started beating faster until his lips were right against yours, but you faltered when he froze. The look in his eyes was pleading with you to let him continue so you took control instead, closing the small gap between the two of you. His free hand cradled your cheek as his lips moved with yours, keeping you close to him. It was short and innocent, but it was enough to leave your head spinning and heart pounding. Your lips chased his once he moved back, desperately wanting to feel the softness of them on yours once again, causing him to laugh with a smile before giving you a peck to satisfy you. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

“I doubt it was that long,” you mumbled, eyes focusing on where his thumb was rubbing the top of your hand.

“What makes you say that?”

“No guy has ever really been into me before.”

“I think that’s a lie. Besides, I’ve wanted that since the moment I laid eyes on you.”

“Really?”

“Mhm.” He brought your hand to his lips to leave a lingering kiss on it, “You would’ve noticed if your head wasn’t stuck in a book.”

“Didn’t know it was bad to try to be at the top of my class.”

“It isn’t. I think it’s great that you’re at the top of the class list. Now you’re on the top of two lists.”

“Two lists?” you asked, watching as he smiled and leaned forward to try to steal another kiss.

“Yeah, the school’s and mine.”

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cxsmicmyeon · 3 years

Text

HURT ; KJM [M]

kim junmyeon x fem! reader

IN WHICH you bring to light your insecurities and doubts about your new relationship to your boyfriend and the response is nothing if not tender and caring.

genre: non-idol au! angst with comfort, fluff and smut word count: 2.2k warnings: mentions of anxiety and past relationship trauma, explicit sexual content, body worship, PRAISE, porn with a lot of feelings, jun being the best lover and the sweetest thing🥺

author’s note: i combined two requests from two anons (aaa happy to get them for my ult!!), hope u both enjoy!! <3 this entire concept really hits close to home because both of my past relationships have been with toxic people who are similar to how the reader’s exes are (one more than the other but toxic nonetheless). i do resonate and understand the reader’s perspective in this since i too still deal with trauma from my past relationships and i have felt insecure about dealing with these issues, so i wrote jun to be as understanding as possible and how i would want him to handle this.

You waited in front of the restaurant where your latest date was for your boyfriend, Junmyeon, to bring his car over. Tonight was your fifth date with him, and this, as well as the previous four, had gone very well so far. He was nothing but great: being a perfect gentleman, sharing your strange sense of humor, you name it. Each night, he’d bring you home and leave with a lingering kiss, which always left both of you wanting more. Tonight was the night where you were going to try and get more.

Junmyeon pulled up in front of the restaurant, parking in front of the curb. As you began walking toward the passenger side, he rushed out of the car, stumbling a bit as he opened the door for you.

“Jun, I could have gotten it.” you whined, giving him a mini pout.

“I know I know, but I wanted to get it for you.” Junmyeon responded, lifting your hand to his lips and pressing a soft kiss onto the skin. You shivered at the contact, blushing as you entered the navy blue Maserati. He shut the door before going back to the driver’s side.

‘Ah, why is he so sweet?’ you thought to yourself as Junmyeon started the car. He toyed with the radio for a bit before settling on some popular pop song that you both knew the lyrics to. You giggled to yourself as he began to belt the lyrics in a rather loud falsetto. How he managed to still sound like an angel was beyond you.

Soon after, Junmyeon pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building. The two of you exited the car and made your way to the entrance of the building, taking in the scenery of the night sky.

On the elevator ride to his penthouse, the two of you were mostly silent apart from a few kisses stolen here and there. When you got to the apartment, Junmyeon pulled you to the couch and pressed his lips onto yours as soon as you sat down. The kiss started off gentle but soon grew heated. You entangled your fingers through his luscious chocolate-brown hair as he pulled you closer to him, hands resting on the small of your back.

Junmyeon bit down on your bottom lip and tugged a bit, causing you to gasp in surprise and pleasure. He took the opportunity to shove his tongue inside of your mouth, clashing with yours. You tugged at his hair, softly moaning out as you continued to kiss him. You felt his hands slip under your shirt, tracing patterns into the soft skin of your stomach. You initially welcomed the contact, naturally, but soon enough, it got too much for you. Instinctively, you pulled away from him and wrapped your arms around your stomach, looking down at your shoes.

You swore to yourself that you were ready to take this next step with Junmyeon. And consistently you’d assure yourself that he would not be like them after taking this step. You were so sure of it. So why, oh why did you pull away?

“Y/N? I’m so sorry, I should have asked you if you were okay with that. I... I got a bit carried away and I should not have done that,” Junmyeon shifted closer to you and placed a hand between you and him. “Please don’t push yourself to do anything that you’re uncomfortable with. If you want to go home or do something else, please don’t hesitate to tell me.”

You didn’t reply for a moment, opting to interlock your pinky with his. Taking in a deep breath, you asked him: “Do you mind if I get this off my chest?” After hearing a hum of approval from him, you braced yourself and took in a deep breath.

You opened up about your past experiences with partners. While you haven’t had many, they still shared one toxic trait that you were desperate to get away from. The only connection you had with them was sexual. They never contacted you for any other reason.

“It’s like I only existed for their genitals to get wet and so they could get off. They didn’t give a shit about everything else about me. I really liked them at those times and wanted to actually and genuinely get to know them through real, non-sexual dates. But my efforts proved futile. Each attempt I made at actually having a real human connection ended in yet another faked orgasm.”

“You... I know we met at that shitty fast food place that I work at. You showed up in your suit dressed as if you were on your way to a wedding and asked for a black coffee and an order of hashbrowns. And every day for two weeks you came back and ordered the same thing. Until one day you ordered a third thing.”

“A date with me...” Jun whispered, wrapping an arm around you.

“Yeah, and I thought it was the silliest yet sweetest way to ask me out. And after our first date, I knew that you weren’t gonna be like them. You actually gave off the vibe that you legitimately gave a shit about me and you didn’t want to bed me at the end of the night and leave the next morning.”

“And... I really really appreciate that you’re actually taking the time to know me. And I did want to... y’know. But I don’t even know why I even pushed you away. I know you’re not like the others. I know that. But...” You let out a loud sob as you covered your face with your hands. More sobs racked your body as you leaned into Junmyeon’s embrace, your head becoming clouded with anxious thoughts.

After what seemed like an eternity to you, you felt yourself calm down. In a strange yet gratifying way, letting yourself express your traumas and pain proved somewhat of a relief to you. After everything being pent up internally for so long, you felt more at peace with what happened and, in a way, let it go. Wiping your tears, you turned to Junmyeon and gave him a weak smile. He returned your smile, rubbing your arm and placing a kiss onto your temple.

“Are you feeling better?” you gave him a nod, taking a short breath. “Good,” he took your face into his hands, wiping a lone tear that almost dared to escape. “Please don’t feel pressured to do anything that you don’t want to do. If you aren’t ready for anything tonight, that’s completely okay. I... I really like you. And I don’t want you to think that you have to have sex with me right now, you can call the shots and let me know when you’re ready.”

You rested your forehead on his, noses touching as you pressed your lips onto his lightly. “I promise you, I am ready to do this with you. I just... I honestly don’t know why I freaked out before. If I do again... do you mind if we do stop?”

“Of course not.”

“Okay. Then I’m ready.”

“Lead the way, love.”

At that, you cupped Junmyeon’s face into your hands and pressed your lips to his. He kissed back, wrapping his arms around your waist, bringing you to straddle him. Your lips never left each other as Junmyeon stood and carried you to his bedroom. He placed you down onto his bed, breaking the kiss as he gazed at you with hooded eyes. You reached over and grabbed his wrists, guiding his hands to the hem of your shirt. After receiving a nod of approval from you, he pulled your shirt over your head and tossed it onto the floor, revealing a lacy black bralette.

“So beautiful.” he muttered, toying with the straps of the material hugging your chest. He slipped the straps down your shoulders and pulled the bralette over your head, allowing your breasts to be revealed. He gasped softly, trailing a finger down your sternum, fingertips barely grazing your left breast. Immediately you craved his touch, a chill of pleasure being sent down your spine.

“Touch me.” you pleaded. Junmyeon nodded before taking both of your breasts into his hands and squeezing them. He removed his left hand and lowered his head into your chest and wrapped his mouth around your perked nipple. You gasped out as he swirled his tongue around the bud while squeezing the plump flesh of your other breast. Releasing your nipple with a soft pop, he began to trail kisses all over your chest, quickly moving up to your neck and then your lips. You kissed him once before resting your hands at the hem of his shirt.

“You can take it off.” Junmyeon breathed out, pressing his lips onto yours. You complied, trailing your hands up his chest and to the top of his collared shirt. Gazing at him with lust in your eyes, you slowly unbuttoned the first button. With each button you freed from its confines, you kissed down his chest. You slipped his shirt off of his shoulders once all of the buttons were unbuttoned, licking a stripe up his chest.

“God, you do that so well, baby. You’re so beautiful.” Your panties immediately became soaked at his praise. You met his eyes and leaned in to kiss him again, the feel of his bare chest against yours setting your entire body ablaze from a singular touch. His hands made their way down to your ass, squeezing the flesh as you moved to straddle him. You moved your hips in a downward motion, feeling Junmyeon’s hardening cock through his pants. He thrust upwards, causing you to moan in his mouth.

You broke the kiss, breath hitching as Junmyeon moved to remove your skirt. He pulled the material down your legs and let it fall to the floor, revealing a matching pair of lacy black panties.

“You really went all out, huh?” Junmyeon teased, pecking you on the lips. You playfully rolled your eyes, pinching his cheek. He placed his hands on your thighs, tracing indistinct patterns all over the skin before lowering himself down to pepper kisses on your thighs, spreading your legs so he was eye-level with your clothed core.

“You are so beautiful,” He hooked his thumbs through your panty line and slid them down your legs. You blushed and covered your face with your hands, feeling your arousal drip down onto the bed. He removed your hands from your face and kissed you with utmost passion before motioning for you to take off his pants.

You ran a finger down his chiseled chest before resting your hands at the buckle of his belt. “We’ll save this for another time.” you joked before unbuckling the belt and placing it next to your discarded clothes.

“Kinky, are we?” Junmyeon returned as you unbuttoned and unzipped his slacks.

“You’ll just have to find out.” You reached your hand inside of his briefs and palmed his cock before sliding the underwear and his slacks down his legs and pushing them to the floor.

“Can’t wait to- Ohhh....” Junmyeon moaned out as you began to stroke him to full hardness, collecting drops of precum from his tip onto your thumb. You let go of his cock and wrapped your lips around your thumb, sucking his arousal off of your finger. “Fuck, (Y/N). Ride me. Please.”

“God... I will.”

You crawled onto the bed, hovering over Junmyeon. He placed both hands at your hips and guided you down onto his cock. Both of you gasped out at the new sensation as he filled you oh so deliciously. You began moving up and down, relishing in the feeling of being wrapped around Junmyeon’s cock. His hands never left your hips as you bounced on his cock.

“Fuck, you look so pretty like this, sweetheart. So so pretty.” You moaned out, placing your palms on Junmyeon’s pecs as you brought yourself closer to your orgasm. His hands moved to your ass, lifting and squeezing the skin. His thumb made its way to your clit. The sensation of him rubbing the sensitive bud added to your pleasure tenfold.

“Jun, I’m close.” you whimpered as he thrust upward. You dug your nails into his chest, screaming his name as you clenched down on his cock, an earth-shattering orgasm washing over you. It wasn’t too long until Junmyeon spilled inside of you, panting heavily as you pulled yourself off of his cock.

You laid next to your lover and covered your eyes with your sweaty forearm, still shaking from your previous orgasm.

“Now that... that was the best sex I have ever had.” You sighed, turning on your side so you were facing Junmyeon. He chuckled softly as he moved a stray hair from your face, kissing you on the forehead.

“I’m gonna go take a shower okay, love?” Junmyeon kissed you on the forehead and went to get up. You grabbed his forearm, causing him to stop in his tracks.

“Mind if I join you?”

“Not at all.” He scooped you into his arms and carried you into the connected bathroom.

Oh, you were in for a good night.

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cesabutterflywrites · 3 years

Text

The Duke of the Bay: Part 8

[Spotify Playlist] [Youtube Playlist]

First Part, Ao3 Link, Next Part (Coming Soon)

Story Warnings: Guns, threats, alcohol, violence homosexual slang used pejoratively and positively, internalized homophobia, ask me to add any if need be

Chapter Warnings: This is a heavy chapter. Violence is only implied, but the implications have a heavy impact. Read with caution.

Chapter Word Count: 3839

Summary: Patton O’Hearty was a great detective. Most people didn’t take him for one at first glance, especially when he dressed casual. He was abnormally chipper; he thought everything was the cat’s pajamas. He had a smile for everyone he met. He was always tipping his hat at the dames and gents when he walked the streets of the Bay Area.

The only person he could never catch was the leader of the planted mob in Emeryville, nicknamed The Duke. The Duke was good at hiding his dealings and joints well, and he rarely had a snitch in his ranks. The few who tried, well, somehow they disappeared before they could give the police any substantial information. He was well hidden, but popular among the residents of the town. People talked boldly of his rambunctious parties, never revealing the locations though. He was hard to catch, to say the least.

So what happens, when instead, the detective is the one that’s caught?

The dawn came as it always did- a soft gray and orange haze streaking in with the marine layer over the water of the San Francisco Bay. Roman de Rossi had a lovely view of it from his family mansion on San Pablo Avenue. A mansion that felt too big lately, with too high of a price to keep.

Roman rolled over to get out of bed when he bumped into something hard and stiff. His heart skipped a beat when he heard his wife cry out.

“Jeeze, Ro, trying to be the first at the breakfast table again?” Rosalie’s voice was gruff. She rubbed the spot on her back where Roman had bumped. “I already got one slugger goin’ for my kidneys.”

Roman rolled his eyes, though he was relieved he hadn’t hurt Rosalie. “Rose, why aren’t you in your bed?”

“Because I needed the warmth and comfort of my husband.” she mumbled sarcastically into her pillow, already on her way back to sleep.

All exhausted bitterness left him at the sound of her snores. At the beginning of their marriage it had been incredibly overbearing for him-to the point they shared separate beds- but with the rising threat of the gangs, he never knew when he’d see the last of his wife. After yesterday, there wasn’t even a certainty that he’d make it to see the birth of his twins.

Carefully, with a hesitation that seemed to become all-too-familiar, he rested his hand on Rosalie’s belly that was under his blanket. Rosalie hummed in response, but kept her eyes closed still. Roman tried to feel for any movement from the twins, but they didn’t. He tried to think that it was because they were also sleeping. It had nothing to do with the fact that every time he tried to feel for their movement he would get nothing. He ignored the tightness in his throat, he disregarded the burning tears, and prayed to God silently that he would make it through this trying time long enough to at least hold his children once.

The thought was an unwelcome intrusion since that fateful telegram from the Duke’s right hand man two months before. Shoving the bitter memory of that message aside, he got himself ready in the dark with a swiftness, already wanting the day to be done. He couldn’t tell whether his need to stay home was due to his anxieties of being a father, his weariness of having more caseloads of rising crime, or his paranoia about criminal eyes spying on him. He watched his large wife turn about in her sleep as he dressed; she was unable to find a comfortable position. He couldn't blame her. Something he wished he’d have considered before the pregnancy was getting a large family bed so they could share it. Even if she snored like a boozed up bear.

A lock of her thick black hair fell out of it’s wrap and was caught in the light from the hallway behind him. Her lips were pushed out in a half pout, half pucker. The gown she was wearing was a large blue cotton dress with flowing sleeves. Her eyes were closed, not restful, but crinkled under her worried brows. Her face had gotten wider in her pregnancy. Her cheeks were flushed with red with elevated temperature from the warm room. She moved her hand to hold under her head as she laid on her side, facing Roman and the door.

She was beautiful, and Roman took this moment to appreciate her beauty, for he didn't know if this was the last time he would see her. He’d never know from now on.

"I can feel ya starin', darling husband," her teasing tone was muffled by the pillow and her sleepiness. "Get to work so I can sleep."

He quietly leaned over her, just as he always did, and kissed her.

He’d never know that his tired wife had noticed the despair in the extra moments their lips were met.

“Send for someone right away if anything happens, alright dear?” he asked while brushing a stray curl aside.

“Sure thing honey…”

His walk to work was dim in the early morning as the fog was thick as wool. The only light guiding his way was a soft orange desperately clinging to the lampposts. The fog was dense with the promise of the coming autumn season for next month. It wasn’t smart of him to have left so early. There was no one on the street. No vagrants, no Jezebels, and no wayward orphans. Just him, the mist, and the sound of his shoes on moist stones. Still, just because he couldn't see anyone, it didn't mean that he didn't feel like he was being watched with eyes capable of seeing through all sorts of darkness.

It was soon enough in his hurry that he made it to the precinct. He ran his hand through his somewhat damp hair as he took his hat off at the entrance. He was early, earlier than normal, and the shift-changing deputies milling about by the entrance desk stood up straighter when they saw him.

“Hey, Cap’n. How’s the missus? Ready to burst just yet?” the old man at the desk asked. His name was Reggie, and if you called him a secretary you’d get a busted lip. He was the nicest-and oldest- member of the force.

“Oh, she’s fine. Doc says it’s gonna be any day now ‘til they’re here. I think she’s more excited than I am for it to be over. She’s been complaining about her feet being so swollen she can barely stand,” Roman laughed. The use of the word ‘complain’ was only polite. Rosalie’s ‘complaints’ about her pregnancy would make sailors blush.

Reggie guffawed. “Yeah, I remember when Ethel had her first. She was cursing so bad near the end you’d think she was a drunken sailor in a brig!”

“Women have a way with words, don’t they Reg?” Roman commented as he made his way around the desk. He wasn’t really waiting for an answer as he kept walking away.

Reggie must have been in a nice mood, since he didn’t point out the Captain’s distracted behavior as he walked off. Roman appreciated that. He was already in deep enough trouble with his reputation as a younger force captain.

Roman was grateful that he was going to be able to take some leave soon. He didn’t like being away from his pregnant wife all day. Especially now, with everything so changed. He sat down in his rolling chair with the force of a thousand anvils. He opened the folder on his desk, knowing there’d be no change in it since the last time he filled it a month ago with the ‘tip’ Logan and Patton got.

Case Number: 103625 - Open - “The Duke”

He sighed to himself as a heavy headache formed behind his eyes. It was a new day, which meant new trouble, which meant he seriously needed some coffee. He reached for his announcer when-

“Captain, there’s a visitor here for ya.” A fresh faced rookie announced while walking into the office. His voice was a bit too anxious-to-please for the captain’s liking in the morning .

Roman’s voice imitated distant thunder - a warning, a looming threat - “Haven’t you heard of knocking, boy?”

The young man was smart enough to appear embarrassed. “I apologize, sir.” He stood at attention as he had been trained to do. His badge gleamed in the light of the office as his chest puffed out.

Roman felt guilty for snapping at him. He didn’t want to be an angry, bitter leader, like his predecessor. Or like his father had been. Those old men were so hardened by stress that they felt no regard for those beneath them. He refused to be that way, no matter what. So he forced his body to relax as he imagined the darkness in his heart being swept under the new rug of his office.

“I understand. I was a rookie like you once upon a time. What seems to be the trouble?” Roman forced a smile on his face, as though it was drying cement to keep in place.

“You’ve got a guy saying he’s here for a meeting, a...Mr. Doris? Fella has a scar right here on his face." The officer took his finger and motioned on his face as an indicator of his description. Obviously the young man’s mind was wandering to stories about the nastiest criminals known to man.

Roman nodded, cleared his throat, then told him, "Bring him in."

The young officer disappeared, and in one breath the enemy had walked through the office door as if he owned the place. Roman sighed in defeat. It wasn’t ‘as if’ he owned the place, it was that he practically did. Especially now that the detectives weren’t ever going to ‘catch’ the bad guys like they should have ages ago.

“What brings you in so early, Mr. Doris?” Roman asked. He stood up, smoothed down his tie, and held his hand out to shake his visitor’s gloved hand.

The visitor smirked. “I like the new you, Roman. Straight to the punch without any frivolous small talk. Such a change from the last time we had spoken.”

The memory sat between them. A smoked out room, sweaty foreheads, two guns between two young men, a kiss- a stalemate.

Roman gulped down the anxious sensation and forced himself to speak. “Well, I haven’t had any coffee yet, so I’m not feeling patient enough for chit chat.”

Mr. Doris’ laughter sent chills down Roman’s spine. His voice was dry and raspy, like a lizard. “I see. Well, the good news is that your two lead detectives are good at their jobs.” He slammed his fist down onto the desk as his eyes peered into Roman’s. “The bad news is, they’re so good at their job, even you don’t control them anymore.”

“That’s not true!” Roman exploded. The force of his anger pushed him out of his seat so he was practically nose to nose with his guest. “I just suspended Logan Smith for admitting he’s working with one of your men! Detective O’Hearty is too personable to be focused on investigating your precious boss! Hell, he’s probably going to be too busy sidetracked into chasing wild geese from that stunt Logan pulled. And another thing-”

“That’s enough, Roman.” Mr. Doris covered Roman’s mouth with one of his gloved hands. “You’ve told me all I needed to know.”

It’s too easy to play you, dear Roman, Doris thought to himself. I knew something was up with Virgil Vitale. He couldn’t keep the grin off of his face at the thought of finally teaching the little punk a lesson.

Roman shook the hand off of his mouth. His breath was shaky. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, I won’t tell you, dear,” Mr. Doris hummed. He walked to the doorway without any explanation. It was time to take business into his own hands after all. No more time to waste. “I’ve gotta run. Say hi to the missus for me.” He looked over his shoulder to make sure the unspoken threat hit its target.

Roman was left standing in that position. His hands wouldn’t stop shaking. His hair laid out of control around his face, his heart pounding, and the sense of impending doom- as if he just sentenced an innocent man to death.

----------

Alice woke up to the sound of the radio downstairs playing some German concerto. It was a slow morning for once. She hummed to herself, pleased that she was able to wake up slowly to beautiful music as opposed to the sound of harsh knocking at her door. Yet as she turned over in bed her peace was interrupted by the brightness of the sun shining through the window. She groaned at the disruption to her dreamy haze.

Alice hefted herself out of the large bed and made herself to the large vanity-much nicer than the one at her apartment- and started working on her hair. Once she was done making sure she looked presentable she made her way down the grand staircase to meet Logan wherever he was at. Which, knowing how large the house was, meant that it could be a proper while before she would find him.

The smell of sizzled meat wafted through the large hallways. Instead of looking for Logan, she decided to make her way towards the dining room from the night before. It’s rude to check in and hover over a cook’s shoulder, she reckoned. No matter how curious it was to her that Logan didn’t have any help at all.

The moment she sat down she heard the door from the kitchen open. Logan was pushing a dining cart forward on his own. He had a white rag placed over his shoulder and a stained white apron tied around his waist. He was whistling an unfamiliar tune to himself as he set out the platters in front of Alice. She couldn’t help but laugh. She was enjoying this bright version of the detective.

“What’s the occasion, detective?” Alice asked once he sat down with her.

Logan struggled to hide a sheepish grin, “It’s just been a long while since I’ve had any sort of company over. I don’t get to go out much with my line of work.”

“Aw, didn’t wanna bring any wayward souls home for Christmas?” she teased.

Logan rolled his eyes at her. It was good that he was loosening up around her humor. Alice wondered if she could get away with cursing around him yet, but decided not to push her luck, given that they had a long day ahead of them.

“It’s gotta be more than me, come on.” Alice waggled her eyebrows at him. “What’s with the shift in the wind?”

Logan ignored her prompts. Instead, he lowered his head. Alice rushed to set her fork down so she could follow suit.

“Father God, I ask that you bless this food and those who consume it. We thank you for providing for us. We ask for you to sustain our spirits as well as our bodies. I ask that you help us in all of our endeavors today, and I thank you for bringing me someone to share this meal with. Thank you for providing me such youthful company. Amen.”

“Amen.” Alice echoed. She tried to keep her questions to herself. Logan’s prayer wasn’t one she had ever heard before.

Alice lifted the cover to reveal her breakfast. There was sausage, eggs, and toast with powdered sugar. It smelled amazing.

“Thank you, Logan, this looks delicious.” She immediately went for the eggs. It had been so long since she’d had eggs for breakfast. Not since she left her farm home nearly two years ago.

They sat at the table with only the sounds of the radio in the living room occasionally drifting in through the doors. Alice was enjoying her meal so much, she jumped when she heard the fancy telephone in the hallway ringing.

“Excuse me, Alice.” Logan muttered. He wiped his hands on his apron and swiftly walked on his long legs to the hallway.

It was irritating, being called in the morning. Especially when his meal was being interrupted. He lifted the earpiece off of the ringing box and greeted the operator quickly. Who would be calling him now that he’s suspended?

“Logan? Is this Logan Smith?” a partially familiar feminine voice asked over the receiver.

“Yes. Who is this?”

Her words were spoken in rushes with pauses sounding like heavy breathing. “It’s Rosalie...Rosalie de Rossi.-” she took in a deep breath ”-I’m your captain’s wife!” After that she let out a bone-chilling moan.

The captain’s wife? He had only met her once at the Independence Day party at the Captain’s new mansion. Why was she calling someone like him?

The woman on the line hissed. “God fucking dammit! It hurts!”

“What hurts? What’s wrong? Where are you?” Logan threw his questions at her quickly as he reached for his notepad.

“My my,” a slick, whiskey smooth, masculine voice answered. He tutted. “Not very clever, Detective Smith.”

“Where is Mrs. de Rossi?” Logan asked. He felt as if the air around him was heavier. There was a weight settling into his chest. He ignored the familiar sensations and made a note that someone else had taken the line.

“She’s still alive. And she will stay that way, if you do everything I ask.” The man’s words were drawn out. Almost as if he were bored, or stalling.

“What do you want?” Logan hissed. The million questions he had were shoved aside when the man answered.

“I want your lover, Detective. Bring that filthy, grimy, Italian punk to the fisherman’s market in San Francisco after dark. Or I’ll just have to do something to your boss’ beautiful broodmare.” The voice chuckled at his sick comment.

This man was evil. The most evil he'd ever come across. Logan felt like he was going to topple over. “What makes you think I’ll come alone? That I won’t go straight to the captain?”

Laughter as dark as water at midnight bled through the receiver. “Oh Mr. Smith, that’s what I want. Give me a reason to pluck those sweet babies out of his missus.”

Logan heard a scream in the background. A string of curse words that he didn’t doubt were justified.

“Please don’t hurt her. Be reasonable. Why did you call me? I’m on suspension, I don’t have access to the resources-”

“Because your lover's family declared war, my boy!” the man roared. Logan identified his accent-Irish, or Scottish perhaps. “I’m going to get what I need outta him. So lock your brunette bitch away, grab your buddy and your faggot, and get your ass to my docks when the sun sets. Or-” another blood curdling scream from the woman in the background “-the captain’s dear wife and her babies drown.”

Just like that, the phone call ended. Logan didn’t have time to stand in the shock. Instinctive training responses immediately took over his body. He didn’t go back to the dining room and instead ran to get himself dressed. No other thoughts intruded. His head was empty of everything other than the fact that he needed backup.

He needed Patton. He needed to gather his resources. It was still nine in the morning. He had maybe eight hours before it was sunset, then two hours to cross the bay into San Francisco to the fisherman’s market. His mind was fixated on trying to create the quickest itinerary possible and how to notify the captain without the mysterious caller knowing. He seemed to know much more than Logan was comfortable with.

Logan was tying his shoes as he thought. He hadn’t told anyone about the night with Virgil. No one knew. He figured Alice may have suspected, but she hadn’t been able to talk to anyone. Not that she would. She was just a kid. She was just caught up in all of this business out of desperation and survival. Alice was just a pawn in a twisted game. She wasn’t a main player.

Patton was too wrapped up in his obsession with the Duke to even notice. Still, he was very angry towards Logan now that he knew Virgil was involved. Who knows what the captain and Patton talked about after Logan was dismissed. He remembered the knowing look at the Lion’s Den last month. His partner said then that he accepted everybody. Could he have been saying that to blend in?

Then there was the fact that this was the captain’s wife. Why kidnap her to get to Logan? He didn’t know the woman at all, only that the captain loved her very much. She was pregnant when they had met, and from the sound of the call she still was.

“Logan, where are you going?” Alice asked from the doorway of his bedroom.

“There’s an emergency. I need to go.” He pushed himself past her and rushed down the staircase. “Please stay here. Don’t leave.”

“Will Virgil be back to nanny me again?” she asked indignantly.

The question struck him through the heart. He couldn’t leave her unattended. She was defenseless here. The Duke's men could come looking for her. No doubt one of them was behind this in the first place as a way to distract them.

“No. No, I-” he turned to her. “There’s trouble. I need to move you somewhere safer. You can’t be alone.”

Alice’s face seemed to grow ten years older. “I understand. Let’s go.”

They both grabbed their hats from the hook and walked out the door. Logan made his way to his car without another word. Alice felt in her gut that they were running into something more dangerous than she had ever known.

“Where are we going?” Alice asked after climbing into the carriage seat. Logan saw that she had withdrawn into herself. The silly child that he was starting to get introduced to had left her body.

“To Patton’s. I don’t think he’ll have left yet. We need his help.” Logan pulled out onto the street. “I’ll tell you on the way.”

Before the pair had shown up to Patton’s house, he had just drank his coffee. He didn’t need to go into the station today. All of his caseloads were closed except for one. Today was a day of regrouping and hitting the pavement. It was time for some good old fashioned talking to people again. The best way to find someone was to ask their friends or neighbors politely. Give them a smile and such.

He took his time getting ready. Trying to find the man that he used to be before this craziness started. The man who was able to walk down the street with faith in his heart. The detective who could solve everything with the right words someone needed to hear. That man was nowhere to be found as he pulled clothes from his closet.

It was a new day. He knew he would make progress today. No one was going to get the drop on him again.

When he sat down in his armchair his eye was caught on something on the end table. A piece of paper that didn’t seem to be from any of his notepads. It wasn’t there when he had gone to bed the night before.

A familiar delicious thrill rushed through his body. Part of him thought to call on the locksmith soon, though it might not do much good. Carefully, as if the note were an explosive and not a simple message, he lifted the paper.

It was no simple message.

You’re in danger, dear detective. There are worse evils than I. Don’t do what your colleague asks. Come to me at the Lion’s Den instead. -The Duke

Before he had time to react, there was rapid knocking at his door.

A/N:

Hello there! It's been nearly a year. There's a reason for that.

I work very, very hard when it comes to my stories. This one has a very important place in my heart. I had to take a break from it because the last thing I wanted to do was make rush decisions or half-ass everything.

In doing so, it meant that I had to wait until I had the time to give it the attention it deserves. I recently had a lot of my life change this past year, mostly losing loved ones. So this fic didn't get much of it's deserved time at once.

That being said, I swear this has a direction. While a lot of it is up to interpretation, this has a very direct sequence of events. That's why it's important for me to be able to pay extra attention.

That being said, I'm making a new normal. This fic goal is to be updated every 3 months, maybe less. My practice is to edit 3 times at least before I post.

Let me know what you thought of this chapter. Tell me your theories about what will happen next! I love talking about this story with anyone who will listen.

taglist: @deceits-left-glove

let me know if you want to be on the taglist for this or any other ship/story

check my pinned tumblr post for more of my work

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hopefullystillatheatrestudent · 4 years

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okay so i’ve been going crazy these past few days. all about cockles/jensmish and obsessively watching their panels or reading the transcripts BECAUSE. THEY ARE LOUD. LIKE. i saw some fancams on twt and i thought people were just exaggerating but noooooooooo!!!???? so, getting to the point. you said that how do we know that jensen is performing masculinity? because jared isn’t and THAT IS A BIG BRAIN MOMENT. ON POINT. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. a particular moment from gag reel that jumps out (which you’ve talked about) when jensen goes ‘cas, you are my baby daddy’ and misha goes, ‘i know i love you too’ and jensen goes, ‘i didn’t say i love you’ and misha goes, ‘i know you wanted to’ and jensen says, ‘i love you’ WHAT THE FUCK! that was NOT a joke. yes, people took it as a joke and had a good laugh BUT I HAVE WATCHED IT TOO MANY TIMES AND IT LIVES IN MY MIND RENT FREE BECAUSE IT WAS NOT A PERFORMANCE. THAT WAS JENSEN. THAT WAS MISHA. jensen has a had trouble with the pda and being all touch feely (the breakup theory) and he gradually grew into it, accepted it and misha was right there all along, never pushed it. it was like a deancas au but tbh, 99% of destiel is because of cockles and we all know it. i just. jensen has latched onto dean as an emotional support because he tunes with it. understands it. projects on to it. yeah, i just had to say it and get it off my chest. (and what about those poetry pages on instagram? alma? what is your opinion?) btw, you have a lovely blog and your analysis are right on target.

so there is a LOT i’m going to address here(how dare you bring up [gunshot] i HAVE to talk about it now) so again!!!! under a cut it goes but i hope you appreciate my rambles anon it seems like you do :,)

1. jared vs. jensen and performing masculinity. hell yeah man. jared and jensen are both just ‘guys from texas’ but they are still so vastly different. today i actually had a revelation that i’m pretty sure has to do with me being bi. and it’s that i have a group of straight friends(that i love dearly but they care too much about hockey and pitbull imo could not be me) and i have a group of queer friends(who are also batshit[affectionate]). and it’s like whichever group i hang out with a different side of me emerges? they’re both me, it’s just that certain aspects of who i am as a person only surface depending on who i am around. however, i will say i feel like i watch what i say around my straight friends more. i see that very clearly in jensen as well. around jared during panels and on set, he’s definitely putting on an air of machismo and engages in typical guy talk. i do think an element of it is performative, because he wants validation from jared that they’re still just two dudes from texas taking on the world together despite his sexual identity. does that make any sense??? i hope so. but when he’s with misha he is an entirely different person and his sense of humour becomes wildly different. the machismo fades away, he’s way less caught up in what people think about him, lets his guard down, etc. to go back to my original point which is how j2 are different in that regard....jared does not do this. he is a constant. he does not flip a switch between ‘performing masculinity’ and ‘not’ because he isn’t performing any part of who he is. he just IS. so yeah these two are similar in many regards but there’s somewhat of a dissonance between them when it comes to how they perform masculinity because one of them is putting on a show and the other is merely being.

2. that crypt scene blooper(here just in case you need to see it again. do it. as a treat.) when i tell you i have easily seen this over thirty times??? since it first came out??? i mean it. it is such an overlooked(r*mantic) moment and it means so much more than people think it does. i’ve talked about the context behind it, and i think that’s why this blooper was so meaningful, so i’ll mention it again. jensen and misha had a LOT of trouble with this scene. the reason is that jensen couldn’t wrap his head around why dean would be saying these things, if i remember correctly, and both of them sat down and scoured over how they should play it for a while before filming(teamwork ;) teammates *ahem*). [to be honest we all know why jensen had a hard time with that scene and it is because it is blatantly romantic. rip to him but i would simply give in to it at that point but oh well] so anyway, their heads were scattered going into shooting, which is NEVER a good headspace to be in for a scene, ESPECIALLY not a pivotal one. but they had each other to help them through said weird energy on set that couldn’t possibly have invoked the best feelings, especially considering jensen STILL doesn’t think he played that correctly(but he praised misha on his performance :,) ). and with that context every single part of that video hits haRD

-’stop pulling my face towards your crotch’ i think this is objectively hilarious because it really really looks like jensen is pulling HIMSELF towards misha’s crotch. again, you’re fooling no one, jensen. misha’s wheezing laugh and the way he wraps himself around jensen is also,,,sweet??? like i don’t know how else to describe how i see it but this moment really reads as jensen, in his weird ‘constructing elaborate rituals’ way is asking for security through a physical touch from misha and he happily obliges and gives jensen what he needs. because i mean...watch it again. jensen ‘fights back’, but not really at all, actually. pretty wimpy counterattack. he literally lets himself be smothered by misha, and i would literally describe what they end up doing as cuddling.

-’i need you, cas. you’re my baby daddy’ i love having an actor’s perspective on things bc i think i can explain what’s going on here. jensen just delivered what was(in his own mind) a rotten take of the lines he’s most scared of delivering. so the scene was already messed up. therefore; ensuing fuckery is warranted to help him feel better. but there’s also for sure more than meets the eye for what he says here because of misha’s reaction after??? like he seemed genuinely touched. first of all, he’s saying ‘you’re my baby daddy’ as half-jensen, but not necessarily dean either(because he didn’t say the previous lines as true to his character...you get it), to misha, not cas. i think i’ve made this point before, but every single innuendo in the gag reels is to misha specifically, never once cas. therefore; logical conclusion: ‘you’re my baby daddy’ was for misha and it meant something deeper than we think because of what follows it

-this part. jensen’s giddy ass smile after he sees misha crack and then misha says ‘yeah, i know’ (can i just say his voice when he says this is so intimate???? like am i intruding guys??? sorry i’ll let myself out) also he is smiling SO BIG

- ‘i know’ ‘why are you laughing?’ ‘no i know i love you too’ this analysis is already so long but i still want to get into what THAT whole exchange means. ‘why are you laughing?’ to me sounds like jensen’s pretending to be affronted by misha laughing at something that is serious. and it’s serious because he quite literally meant ‘i love you’. he did. misha knows it. misha’s really REALLY good at cutting the bs and just getting to what people are actually trying to say. he has an innate sharpness to his sense of humour. so yes, misha is being 100% accurate when he says ‘i know, but you wanted to say it.’ misha isn’t lying here. jensen did want and mean to say ‘i love you’. and then he actually does say it(in a jokey way but not really).

- so yeah. it is actually so romantic??? like in a weird way jensen was professing his love for misha here?????? and that’s why this clip will NEVER. ever. get old.

3. jensen having trouble with pda and projecting onto dean: we can all call ourselves dean coded cas girls but NO one deserves that title more than jensen ackles himself. he is dean winchester but marginally less repressed because he actually did admit he was in love with his best friend and let himself be happy, and pretty early on too. one year and two months as opposed to twelve years. so. happy deancas au is correct. and yes about the pda thing: one day i want to write my own post about both of their body language when it comes to each other, but all i can tell is jensen, even in the early days, couldn’t help himself from flirting with misha, but if misha ever crossed a line, jensen would not be happy. clearly he’s come around, however. what i find sweet is that misha always follows jensen’s lead when it comes to how much affection they’re allowed to show each other onstage. it touches my soul

4. destiel is cockles fault. yeah. and the thing is everyone knows it, too. even non-cockles shippers will explain early destiel as entirely dependant on jensen and misha’s wild chemistry. and that chemistry is easily explained by the fact that misha and jensen are literally just wildly horny bisexuals who were crazily attracted to one another and were falling in love on screen before our very eyes. and when you have THAT insider info(which sounds cray doesn’t it!!!! the destiel actors are in love irl??? huh???) everything really does click into place. why destiel got SO popular when the show and actors never ever intended for it to happen.(i know some people think misha was playing cas as gay the whole time for shits and giggles, and i won’t deny that[especially considering he found out early on that destiel was why he was staying on the show], but i don’t think he really wanted it to amount to anything, nor did he care??? i mean he has the real thing with jensen, for one, so their characters aren’t really as important. for two, he loves joking about destiel because it’s a cultural phenomenon and it’s fascinating, and i’m sure he did ship it because he’s unhinged, but i don’t think it was vastly important to him either way.) destiel got popular because everyone was and is unintentionally reading into the real deal. i could pull up countless gifs that people have used as destiel proof that is actually just jensen and misha being messy. mainly jensen. if i’m being honest. the symbiotic relationship between destiel and cockles is why i’ve stayed onboard the destielcule and shellerscape for three solid months now; because it is utterly fascinating to witness and kind of super beautiful, too.

5. alma(and others). so. i do NOT want to really REALLY get into this in its entirety here and now so i will just give you my opinion on if i think alma is misha or not. also; i don’t want to mention the other poetry accounts here bc i feel like that’s a bigger breach in privacy, but a lot of people do know about alma now. way too many, actually. this is why we can’t have nice things. anyway-to answer your question-there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that yes, misha is running that alma poetry account. i am 100% certain. some people think it’s actually three people and they’re all connected to misha in some way but that is so needlessly complicated. as it goes in psychology; the easiest explanation is probably the right one. it’s just one person running that account, and it is misha collins. i don’t know why it’s so hard to believe KNOWN POET misha collins(who is known to spend most of his free time writing poetry anyway) would have created a secret poetry account to write about his intense secret relationship under an alias and also get legitimate feedback since no one used to know it was him. oh and the handwriting is identical??? you are blind if you do not see that i am sorry. and a million other things prove it’s misha too but yeah all you need to know is yes. it’s him. it would take a literal livestream from a random woman on that account to convince me otherwise. and honestly not even that because a random woman could technically still log in if misha asked her too. so. it would take a hell of a lot to convince me otherwise, clearly. that said DO NOTTTTTTTTTTTT GO ONTO THAT ACCOUNT WITH A SUPERNATURAL RELATED USERNAME AND COMMENT THINGS THAT ARE COCKLES RELATED. ARE YOU BRAIN DEAD WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT’S OKAY. sorry i got heated but god please just don’t be dumb so many people have already gone way too far

6. thank you for your lovely compliment on my analyses!!! i love doing them but i don’t know if people actually like reading them so i really appreciate it

#liz answers #cockles ask #mini analysis #spec #mine

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dialovers-translations · 4 years

Text

Diabolik Lovers VANDEAD CARNIVAL ;; Ruki Route ー Chapter 1

ー The scene shifts on the Carnival’s venue

Poisson d’Avril’s shop owner: Welcome, welcome, gather around! Would you care for some delicious chocolates? These shapes are a real eye-catcher (1) as well~!

Cotton candy shop clerk: How about some sugary sweet cotton candy? If you want to treat your girlfriend, this is the way to go! (2)

Yui: Wah...It’s so lively around here.

( Despite being the Demon World, the atmosphere isn’t all that scary. It might not be that different from my own world. )

( Of course, there’s still a lot of things I’m seeing for the first time... )

Ruki: Oi, don’t get distracted.

Yui: Eh? Ah!

( Shoot. I let myself get distracted by my surroundings and got separated from Ruki-kun. )

ー Ruki runs up to her

Ruki: Haah...

Can you not walk properly unless I attach a collar and leash to you?

Yui: Sorry...

Ruki: Good grief. You sure are troublesome livestock. If you’re going to choose me, then at least don’t be a burden.

Yui: ( ...Ruki-kun seems in a bad mood for some reason. He wasn’t earlier though. )

( Could it be...He feels troubled being chosen as my bodyguard? )

Uhm...Ruki-kun?

Ruki: What?

Yui: I’m sorry if I’m wrong but...Are you mad perhaps?

Ruki: ...Haah.

Stop spouting nonsense and get walking. I’ll leave you behind.

ー He starts walking

Yui: Ah, wait!

Ruki: ...Go ahead and try to stray away from my side again. This time, I will actually put a collar on you.

Brace yourself.

Yui: I’ll be careful...

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: Say, Ruki-kun? Where are we headed?

Ruki: You’ll find out if you follow me. So just keep quiet and come.

Yui: Ah, wait! You walk too fast, Ruki-kun...!

Ruki: Your legs are just too short.

Yui: ( Uu...How mean... )

Male Vampire B: ーー Oi, isn’t she the one?

Male Vampire C: That human everyone is talking about, huh? ...Amazing. I can smell her this strongly when she’s just walking by...

Ruki: ...

Yui: Ruki-kun? What’s wrong?

Ruki: ...Haah.

Oi, give me your hand.

Yui: My hand?

Ruki: Don’t dawdle. If I tell you to give it to meーー

ー He wraps an arm around her lower back

*Rustle*

Yui: ...!

Ruki: All you need to do is obey. ...Understood?

Yui: I-I do, but...I can’t hold your hand when you’re this close.

Ruki: As long as I can show that you’re mine (3), I don’t mind if it’s your hand or your lower back I’m holding onto. ...Let’s go.

Yui: ( ...He really is in a foul mood. )

( Since it’s just us two at a festival, I would have liked to have some fun though... )

ー The scene shifts to one of the side streets

Yui: ( ...I feel like it’s getting gradually less crowded. )

Ruki-kun, where are we going...?

Ruki: I told you that you’d find out soon enough already, didn’t I? Don’t make me repeat myself.

Yui: But...It’s a little scary around here. It’s dark, and somewhat creepy.

Ruki: Your rules of ‘scary’ don’t apply here in the Demon World. In that case, shouldn’t Vampires be something for you to fear as well?

Yui: Well...

( I probably shouldn’t say I’ve grown used to it. But that is indeed the case so I can’t say anything... )

Ruki: We’re here. This is the place.

Yui: Here...?

Ruki: Exactly. Let’s go inside.

ー They enter Reine de Saba variety store

Yui: Ruki-kun, where are we...?

Ruki: Reine de Saba. It’s a variety store.

Yui: ( Variety store? It looks different from the ones I know though... )

( There’s a bunch of eerie goods... )

( We came here for a specific reason, right? )

( I wonder what he wants to buy? )

Ruki: ...This must be it.

Oi, shop owner. I’ll take this. Furthermore, do you have an empty room right now?

Reine de Saba: Well, well, you’re one arrogant customer.

Ruki: I’m still a customer, no? So? Do you have any spare rooms?

Reine de Saba: Sorry to disappoint, but we’re fully booked right now. This place is popular after all.

Besides, that lady over there is a human, isn’t she? If you were to walk around the store with her, my whole shop will stink of humans.

Yui: ( ...I wonder if humans are disliked here? I’m sure we’re a minority... )

Reine de Saba: If you understand that, get out already.

Yui: Ruki-kun...

Ruki: ...I see. I understand very well.

However, unfortunately for you, I am one of Karlheinz-sama’s loyal servants. And this lady over here is one of his guests as well.

Reine de Saba: Karlheinz-sama’s...?

...You are?

Ruki: It’s up to you whether you believe me or not. What’s your choice?

Reine de Saba: ...

Hmph. ...I have one spare room. Use it as you wish.

Ruki: I appreciate your clever decision. Oi, let’s go.

Yui: Ah, yes.

( But why a room...? I wonder what he’s planning? )

ー The scene shifts to Reine de Saba’s prison cell

Ruki: So this is the place, huh?

Yui: Hold up, Ruki-kun. This is...the room you were talking about!?

Ruki: Apparently.

Seems like this was the only empty one. However, this works perfectly. Not too shabby.

Yui: ‘Perfect’, you say...This is a prison, you know!? Why did you bring me here...?

Ruki: I didn’t choose it. Don’t ask me.

Yui: B-But...

Ruki: Don’t fuss about the details. Now get inside this cell.

Yui: Eh!?

Selection

→ No way!

Yui: No way! I don’t want to get inside a cell...

Ruki: I’m not asking you to get in and get down on your knees. You just have to step inside.

Yui: E-Even so, I don’t want to...!

Ruki: Hmph...I thought you had become rather obedient, but seems like I spoke too soon.

Have you forgotten your own position, livestock? ...Heed your Master’s orders.

→ What will you do afterwards? (☾)

Yui: What will you do afterwards...?

Ruki: You don’t need to know. Hurry up and get inside. Do you have the nerve to keep me waiting?

Yui: ...

I just have to get inside, right?

Ruki: Yes...For now, at least.

Yui: ( I don’t want to step inside a cell but he might have something on his mind... )

Okay...

*Rattle rattle*

Yui: Like this? Ruki-kun...

Ruki: Yes. Good girl.

...Heh. Like that, you resemble actual livestock.

Yui: ( H-How could he... )

Uhm, Ruki-kun...What should I do now?

Ruki: Haah...Seems like you didn’t notice after all. As to be expected of livestock. I can’t even say I’m surprised.

Yui: ...?

Ruki: The scent of your blood is too strong for the Demon World.

Yui: Scent...?

Ruki: Exactly. Although it seemed like you were completely ignorant to the fact yourself.

Before we set foot inside this store, all of the Vampires around us were oggling you, targetting you.

Yui: You’re exaggerating. If anything, I felt as if everyone was avoiding me.

Ruki: That’s because I was there. I was keeping a close eye on our surroundings, so nobody was able to approach you.

If you had been by yourself, you probably wouldn’t have a single drop of blood left in your veins by now.

Yui: No way...

Ruki: ...That is why I keep on telling you that you leave yourself unguarded.

Yui: ( Then...Ruki-kun wasn’t actually upset earlier, he was just wary of our surroundings...? )

Ruki: Whatever.

ー He steps closer

Ruki: Drink this.

Yui: This...is the thing you bought in the store earlier, right?

( The bottle itself looks pretty but...I wonder what’s inside? It looks like a transluscent liquid of some sorts... )

Ruki: If you drink that, the scent of your blood will temporarily be suppressed. It’s that kind of medicine.

Yui: It’s a drug?

Ruki: That’s what Sakamaki Reiji told me.

Yui: Reiji-san did?

( I wonder when they talked about that...? )

Ruki: Apparently all you need to do is drink it for the effects to kick in.

Yui: ...Is this safe to drink? I’m a little anxious about consuming a drug from the Demon World...

Ruki: Who knows? I wonder...

However, even if you don’t, you will most definitely get in trouble.

If you don’t want to drink it, I won’t force you...However.

I cannot guarantee that I will be able to save you, if something were to happen.

If you don’t mind that, do as you wish.

Yui: ...

( I’m scared to drink it but...If Ruki-kun is telling the truth, I can’t just walk outside like this either... )

...I really only have to drink it, right?

Ruki: Exactly...

Yui: ...Okay, I will.

However, did we really have to come here just for me to drink the drug...?

Ruki: You really are naive. Do you truly believe I would do this without a solid reason?

While the drug will most definitely get rid of the scent of your blood, it also has a few side-effects in return.

Yui: Side-effects...?

Ruki: Yes, furthermore...The stronger the original scent, the more severe these side-effects will be, I heard.

Yui: ...And which kind of side-effects are we talking about?

Ruki: For a short period of time, while you have just ingested the drug

the scent will become ten times richer than usual in exchange for suppressing it afterwards.

I’m sure you know what would happen...If you were to spread such a strong scent out in the open?

All nearby Vampires would flock around you, sucking you dry on the spot.

Yui: ...!

Ruki: Don’t be scared. I brought you here to prevent such a scenario from happening. Nobody will be able to get inside this private room.

Yui: However, you could have just told me that from the very beginning...In that case, I too...

Ruki: You would have voluntarily stepped inside the cell?

Yui: Yes...

Ruki: Heh...In that case, you won’t complain if I lock it, right?

*Clunk*

Yui: Eh? ...W-Wait, Ruki-kun! Why did you lock the door?

Ruki: Don’t panic. I’m not planning on keeping you in there.

This is a safety measure. Since I cannot guarantee that I will be able to control myself the moment you drink the drug.

I doubt you will tempt me so much I will lose my sense of reason but...Better be safe than sorry.

Come on, show me your hand. You can hold onto the key.

Everything’s ready. Drink the medicine.

Yui: Yes...

( Is this really safe...? I’m worried but... )

Nn...

Ruki: ...Did you drink it?

Yui: Yeah...However, I don’t feel any differeーー

Eh...!?

*Shatter*

Ruki: ...Seems like the effects are kicking in.

Yui: ( ...My heart’s...! Also...My body feels...hot...! )

Ruki: ...Kuh...!

*Rattle*

Ruki: ...I didn’t think it would become this rich the second you ingested the drug...This exceeds my expectations...

Yui: ( Oh no...My chest is burning, it hurts...! )

( It’s as if my heart is begging for someone to suck my blood...! )

Ruki-kun...!

Ruki: ...Ugh...

*Rattle rattle*

Ruki: ...That feverish body, and those teared up eyes of yours...

Are you perhaps...craving for it as well? To have me...suck your blood?

Yui: ...!

Seems like it...

Ruki: ...Ugh...

I was going to hold back but...Oi, give me your hand.

Yui: ...?

Ruki: ...Extend your hand towards me...

Yui: My hand...?

Ruki: I’ll suck your blood...To suppress my thirst, as well as your urges...

I’ll make you feel better at once...

ー Ruki bites her

Ruki: ...Nn...!

Yui: Ah...!

Ruki: Nn...Nn...!

Yui: ( He’s biting deeper than usual...! )

( But...It doesn’t hurt today...No, if anything... )

Ruki: Hah...Are you that happy to receive my fangs?

Yui: Eh...?

Ruki: Unlike before...You look absolutely ecstatic right now.

I can only assume you were strongly craving for this...Honestly, that’s one hell of a drug...

Yui: ( The heat rushing through my body earlier is slowly but surely settling down...Because Ruki-kun sucked my blood...? )

Ruki: Hah...Nn...

Yui: ( But still...! )

...Ruki-kun...

Ruki: ...Seems like bringing you here was the right thing to do after all.

If you had shown that expression out in the open...It would have meant big trouble.

I have fallen low as well. Never did I fathom I would one day find myself so allured by that face of yours.

Yui: ...Haah...

( The heat faded away as if it was never there at all..Seems like it was only rough right after drinking the drug... )

Ruki: Did the heat settle down?

Yui: Yeah...Seems like I’m fine now. Are you alright as well...?

Ruki: Yes. However, I didn’t think I would lose control to such a degree...

If I had not locked the door, I might have just sucked you dry.

And? How long do you intend to stay inside the cell?

Yui: Eh? ...Ah!

Ruki: You are holding the key, right? If you want to get out, be my guest.

*Clunk*

*Rattle rattle*

Yui: ( I was worried at first, but I guess all ended well...? )

Ruki: ...? What’s wrong? Do you feel unwell?

Your complexion seems pale.

Yui: Y-Yeah, well...

When I ingested the medicine, I felt as if my body was no longer my own...Seems like it tired me out a little.

Ruki: I see...However, you made a very lovely expression while I was sucking your blood.

Yui: T-That’s not...!

( I did want him to suck me back then though... )

Ruki: Heh...Oh well. The scent of your blood has become very faint. Seems like it’s working well.

Like this, you can step outside with no problem. Let’s go.

Yui: Eh? Already?

Ruki: I’m sure staying here would be dull, right? Although it suits you very well.

Yui: ( So rude... )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts back to the Carnival’s venue

Yui: ( According to Ruki-kun, I was being targetted but...Is it really okay now? )

*Thud*

Male Vampire D: Woah there, my bad!

Yui: Ah, no! I’m sorry too!

ー The Vampire steps away

Yui: ( He left... )

Ruki: Oi, watch your step.

Yui: Ah, yes!

Ruki: ...Heh.

Yui: Ruki-kun? You seem a little happy? Did something good happen?

Ruki: You think so? Well, I have a faint suspicion.

Like this, I can finally enjoy the Carnival after all.

Yui: Eh? ...What do you mean?

Ruki: Earlier I didn’t get the chance to, right?

I had to constantly keep an eye out for the lurking Vampires after all.

However, right now the chance of you getting targetted by another Vampire is very low.

I am fairly certain we will be able to avoid trouble until the Carnival comes to a close.

This event only happens once a year. I’m sure that you would want to at least spend this day in peace as well, right?

Yui: Did you perhaps...Buy that medicine for my sake?

Ruki: It wasn’t for you. However...We haven’t had a chance to enjoy this sort of stuff as of late, right?

We only have time until it is time for the Queen to make her appearance, but you should try and enjoy yourself today.

Yui: Ruki-kun...

Ruki: Don’t make that dumb expression. It’s sloppy.

Yui: Yeah...But I’m just so happy. Thank you, Ruki-kun.

However, I wish you would have told me sooner.

I was worried you know? Not only did you seem to be in a bad mood, but you made me step inside a cell in a shady store...

Ruki: Yeah, I did consider that but...

When I saw that anxious expression on your face, I couldn’t help but somewhat enjoy it.

It would have been a shame to reveal the truth and ruin the fun.

Yui: Eeh!?

Ruki: Anyway, let us hurry up and go. We only have limited time. Are you going to let your Master’s consideration go to waste?

Yui: T-That’s...

Ruki: Heh. You really are an open book.

Your scent has indeed faded, but don’t let your guard down. Stay in my sight.

Understood, Yui?

Yui: ( Even in the Demon World, I’m still stuck following his lead... )

( However, despite his harsh words, I guess he really is just looking out for me. )

( We’re here together, so I’m gonna make the most of today! )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) The term 凝っている or ‘kotteiru’ literally means ‘to be stiff’, but in certain contexts, it can refer to something being exquisite/amazing as well.

(2) Literally she says ‘If you are eating with a girl, this is the best thing’, but I assume they mean to attract male customers to buy cotton candy for their girlfriends.

(3) Literally he says ‘As long as I’m the one holding onto your reins’

← RETURN TO PROLOGUE

→ PROCEED WITH MAIN STORY [CHAPTER 2]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #1 [W/SHUU]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #2 [W/ LAITO]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #3 [W/ YUMA]

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #ruki mukami #vandead carnival #diabolik lovers translation #vcrukichapter1

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mimiatmidnight · 3 years

Note

Predictions on Baby Girl Sussex?

I’m FREEEEEEEE from finals and ready to chat with you all once again! Thank you all for being so patient, I’m so excited to dive into all your questions and give them the novel-length responses they deserve 😉

I’m assuming you mean name predictions haha, cause the only other thing I can think of to predict would be her birthday (for the record, I’ll go ahead and put my sister’s birthday, June 10th, for no reason other than I predicted my own birthday, April 26th, for Archie!). But I love talking about baby names (as you can see by the length of this post 😅), so let’s get into it.

So I fully expect to be completely taken aback by their pick. Like not even on the same planet as my predictions. Cause that’s just how those two roll lmao. But IF they’re staying in the same theme as Archie’s name, I’m expecting something that’s also short, possibly nickname-y, kind of dusty and vintage, but with a whimsical charm, just like Archie’s. I am still operating with the assumption that she will one day be Princess (whether or not that actually happens, of course, remains to be seen), so I’m trying to keep that title in mind. And also, given that name meanings appear to hold significance to them, I tried to at least somewhat keep meanings in mind. So, in no particular order:

Eloise

“Healthy; wide”

French, English

I am SO charmed by this name. If I hadn’t already decided on Elliott for my future son’s name, this name would be right at the top of my future daughter’s list. I just thinks it’s so delightfully playful yet still timeless and classic. It gives easy and pretty nicknames with Ellie and Ella, or even Lizzy (possibly to honor her great-grandmother?). “Archie and Eloise” sounds so perfect and natural to me, without sounding kitschy or too over the top with the matching. “Princess Eloise” is so deliciously perfect, it just fits together like a puzzle piece.

Eleanor

Unknown meaning

English, French

Eleanor hits almost all the same beats I mentioned above for Eloise, even down to the lovely Ellie/Ella nicknames. It’s even more royal than Eloise, with such heady associations as the legendary Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine (not to mention the American Queen, First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt!). Eloise is closer to my heart, but I’d be thrilled with Eleanor as well.

Greta

“Pearl”; diminutive of Margaret

German

This one’s quite old-fashioned, but I think it’s so charming and would make an adorable name on a little girl. And fun fact, the name Meghan comes from a nickname for Margaret, which is why both those names as well as Greta all mean “Pearl.” So this would be a perfect way to honor little girl’s mama in a more subtle way.

Poppy

“Red flower”

Latin, English

Spunky yet sweet. Pays tribute to her mother’s homeland of California, while also sounding very at home in her father’s homeland of the UK. A flower name in honor of her mama’s own mama. This scarlet name would be even more perfect if the Ginger Avenger manages to make himself another little Gingette. And as I said to one of my anons the other day, “Princess Poppy” is so screeching cute I might actually combust if I think about it too much, so let’s move on.

Lea

“Meadow; weary”

English

To be totally honest, this one is mostly just because I’ve been addicted to listening to “Lea” by TOTO on repeat lately. Although “Princess Lea” might be a bit too . . . you know. Stor Wors. Even though the sci-fi princess pronounces her name differently, I think they’ll probably still want to avoid that association. Still, that song is heavenly and the name goes with all my criteria so I’m putting it in anyways.

Hazel

“Hazelnut tree”

English

Another nature name, one that I’m sure our favorite Earth Mama will enjoy ;) It’s newly popular, but in my opinion still retains that distinctive and whimsical uniqueness of a name that’s much further on the fringe than Hazel actually is. I can just picture a little hazel-eyed princess running barefoot around her gorgeous backyard, wild hair all spread out as she lays underneath a hazelnut tree. Ugh, so cute.

Etta

“Estate ruler”; feminine diminutive of Henry

English, Scottish

I suppose in response to Archie’s middle name Harrison, I’ve seen some Squaddies predict Henrietta for his little sister. And um . . . that is not a favorite of mine 😅 But if Harry wants to add his brand to his second little munchkin as well, why not Henrietta’s much more sleek and dynamic offshoot, Etta? It's got that old school feel, with also a spark of liveliness. I also love that it ties to their Black ancestry through one of the most legendary Queens of American Soul Music, Etta James.

Maeve

“She who intoxicates”

Irish

Incredibly endearing with a rich history. For my own personal use, this safer option might actually be called upon for my future daughter if I never manage to work up the courage to use my actual long-time Irish favorite, Saoirse. But for Harry and Meghan, I can’t really see them using this one. Still, I felt like I needed an M name to cover all my bases, and this is one of the few that I like. Some other honorable “M”entions (get it?) include Maisie, Melody, and Madeleine (thank you to my lovely anon for this one!).

Francesca

“From France; free man”; variation of Frances

Italian

I haven’t really mentioned middle names here, mostly because this post is long enough already and middle name combos just add a whole other level of crazy. But given the enormous legacy of her grandmother, I am extremely torn on whether Baby Girl will be getting a name in her honor. If her parents so choose, Diana’s middle name Frances, or even it’s more ornately feminine variation, Francesca, would be lovely honors for the little princess to carry. If they do end up honoring Diana, I’d expect it to be in Baby Girl’s middle name.

Violet

“Purple”

Latin, English

One last flower name for Earth Mama Meghan. Violet was my top pick for Archie when he was still the mysterious Baby Sussex, but though it has since fallen from my top spot, it still is a lovely, classic name of inarguable feminine grace, yet with an underlying core of strength and fortitude. I feel like Violet is a woman who ties her hair back with a soft velvet bow, but then hitches up her skirts, draws her sword, and shows the battlefield who’s boss. I just love the duality of this name, and I think it would be a lovely gift for a little girl.

Alice

“Noble”

German

Vintage, classic, girly, and solidly royal, this name calls to mind white rabbits and looking glasses. Once again, on a personal note, this might be an option for my future daughter if I chicken out on trying to get everyone to pronounce Alicia correctly. I love that name in the Spanish pronunciation, “Ah-lee-see-ah,” but I find the Anglicized “Ah-lee-sha” to be dreadful and I wouldn’t want to burden my girl with a lifetime of corrections. Anyways, Alice is just as elegant, if not quite as ornate, and in any case is much more likely for our British-American princess. Plus, what a stunning pair of name meanings to gift these two siblings: “Brave” Archie and “Noble” Alice. They sound straight out of an Arthurian legend. (Plus, how cute would “Archie and Alice” sound!)

Honorable Mentions Cause I Need To Wrap This Shit Up:

Evie/Edie (both follow all the E names I wrote about above, and Edie in particular is a modern name full of moxie that would be a great nickname for the older, traditional Edith)

Lily (yet another flower name, and I just like the sound of this one)

Spencer (another possible route to honoring Granny Diana, yet maintaining a much more modern and spunky taste than Frances, while also being less direct)

Clara (of Nutcracker fame, adding here mostly because I think I’d melt if I heard this in Harry’s voice and accent)

Lucy (same vibes as Alice and Clara)

Ivy (cute, simple, girly nature name, but unfortunately already in use by the daughter of Meghan’s close friend Jessica Mulroney)

Zoe (I have absolutely no personal connection to this name, but for some reason it just now randomly popped into my head as something they might choose, so here ya go)

So yeah! Sorry this was so long, but it was super fun! Thank you for sending in this great question. I’d love to hear all your guys’ name predictions, dream picks, and wild card guesses!

#meghan markle #prince harry #baby sussex 2.0 #royal fandom #the princess of montecito #baby names #markle & spencer #the munchkins of montecito

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loves124 · 3 years

Text

Neighbors ch 4.

If there are any errors or mistakes please don’t hesitate to let me know :)

Also don’t hesitate to give me some fresh ideas

Thank you,

Love you,

Enjoy!

(Shouta Aizawa x fem!reader)

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I have spent the entire day prepping.

Whether that be talking to myself, trying to find the right outfit, fixing my hair and makeup so it's right. I'm doing everything to prepare to see him this afternoon.

He has me wrapped around his goddamn finger.

Currently though, I am laying on my bed fiddling around trying to calm myself down before I head over. I put on a "10 minute meditation for anxiety" video while I hop in the shower.

It starts and I begin to scrub myself down with my soap. "Hello and welcome to the 10 minute meditation for Anxiety. I want you to start by closing your eyes and taking a nice deep breath... deeper than you've taken so far today." I follow along with each of the commands the video tells me, finding that my mind is drifting to relaxation with every breath. I can feel the tension that was previously built up into my shoulders slowly start to release. Before I even realize, it's over and I am standing in the middle of my shower relaxing into the warm water that is pouring on me.

With a deep sigh I continue. Lathering my body, scrubbing off the dead skin til I feel smooth, and following those actions with shaving cream and a razor.

I hop out of the shower feeling refreshed, looking over at my alarm clock and I can see that it's already 5 pm.

He's going to be back soon.

I look through my clothes and try and decide what to wear.

Why not wear what you wore this morning? He really liked that. Hell you might even get lucky and he'll make a move.

I sigh being swayed by my intrusive thoughts. I throw on the same shorts and tank top from this morning, but add on a pull over for some extra warmth.

In the meantime maybe I'll just water my plants, or watch something on the tv.

Maybe you should masturbate to the thought of Aizawa pining you down and fucking you like the little slut you are.

Dammit mind fucking stop.

I mean you saw his body earlier, hell you even felt how tight his chest was easier. How would you like those muscles pinning you down and him fucking you raw? Hmm sweetheart?

Dammit now I'm nervous, flustered, and sexually frustrated. What the hell.

I hear a knock at the door. "L/N?" Taking a deep breath I relax and walk to the door. Opening it I am met with Aizawa's eyes.

"Hey, you still okay with coming over?" he stuffs his hand's in his pockets.

"Yeah, sorry I- my mind has just been everywhere today" I laugh.

"Anything I can help out with?" he genuinely asks.

Oh there are many ways you can help out.

"No but thank you, you're sweet" I grin at him and he returns the gesture.

"So what were you planning on us doing?" I ask as we make our way inside his apartment.

"Honestly," he sighs "I have no clue. I just wanted to spend more time with you. We can order takeout and just watch a movie, if you're cool with that?"

"That sounds amazing, there is this place I heard has the best donburi rice bowls if you're interested. I can look the menu up real quick and we can both order" you turn to him and smile.

He hums in agreement, as we both make our way to the kitchen. He grabs two glasses to fill them both with water. I lean against the counter phone in hand reading off the menu to see what sounds good.

"Oh if you want we can just do gyudon over rice, it seems like it the most popular-" I see a hand place a glass of water next to my phone and look to see that Aizawa's face is right next to mine. His eyes are focused on the screen, he is looming over my shoulder and I can smell some of his cologne.

He smells good.

Kind of woodsy.

Mumbling to both himself and me he says "maybe we should get some vegetables on the side too, and some Taiyaki."

I giggle "Never pegged you as a fan of Taiyaki." The thought of this broody man enjoying some fish shaped bean cakes is a little cute to me.

Giving me the side eye and a smirk he cockily says "I'm full of surprises sweetheart."

You roll your eyes and scoff a bit in response, and scroll down on your phone to place the order. You hold the phone up to your ear as you hear the familiar ring, Aizawa brushes his face close to you free ear and whispers "don't forget the Taiyaki."

His breath is hot in my ear and I can feel the bass of his voice rumbling in his chest. It alone, makes me squeeze my legs together. He makes his way over to the couch before draping himself over it and adjusting himself til he feels comfortable.

I can't help but stare at the man in his natural element. This is his habitat, and it somewhat reminds me of a Nature Channel where you watch all the animals interact naturally in their given habitats. I continue to order as I watch him, thanking the person over the line before hanging up.

"It'll be here in about half an hour" I tell him before setting your phone on the counter and making my way over. He looks to me and gives a nod before tapping the empty spot next to him, signaling me to take a seat. He grabs the remote on the nightstand next to him and turn on the tv flipping through channels before he lands on one I assume he likes.

We both settle in a bit and watch the show, laughing at some of the stupid slapstick jokes that come up.

It feels so normal, so natural for me to be here with him. Just doing this regular stuff together. It feels like something I have been doing my entire life.

He adjusts himself again and with a deep sigh he lays down onto my thighs, using them as a sort of pillow. Not looking at me but at the tv, his eyes barely staying open. His hair is splayed out around my thighs covering them.

His hair is so pretty, its this dark, coarse coal color. When it catches the light a bit it shines, somewhat like a raven's wings.

I might never get the chance again. I slowly graze my fingers over his hair. Brushing and raking them through his hair I play with it a bit. I'm not focused on the tv show anymore but rather the man in front of my. I work my way more towards the scalp slightly massaging it but stop when I hear him groan. I can feel it vibrate in my legs.

It makes me feel all tingly.

"Why'd you stop?" he looks up to me.

"oh sorry, I thought you started to feel uncomfortable or something" I say.

"No, you didn't. It felt really good" he breathed as he sunk into my legs more.

I like seeing him so relaxed "You want me to keep going?"

"Mhmm" is all I get out of him. I let out a soft giggle and continue on. I brush the middle bit of hair in his face to the side. Gently raking my fingers through his hair, all the way down the scalp. I start to smooth out all of the tangles. It runs like fine silk through my fingers. It's honestly therapeutic.

Until it become sexually frustrating. Through my efforts I earn a couple more moans and groans from the man on my thighs, the sounds go straight to down below and I can feel a pool forming.

Imagine grabbing onto his hair as he pounds into you.

Dammit, fucking stop, this man is right below me and I having perverted-ass thoughts like this.

I look down at him and see how calm and at peace he looks. He is no longer facing the tv but at me, eyes closed and relaxed. I let my fingers wander. They start by dragging along his eyebrows, following down to trace the bone under his eyes, slowly and gracefully tracing his face. I get a little lost in focus. My fingers trace his jawline, I can feel the scruff catching my fingertips as I continue my journey. I end up with my fingers tracing over his bottom lip.

"They're soft" I quietly say.

His eyes open and he catches my hand holding it with a loose grip, before he sits up to make out face level. I'm trying to think of how I should explain myself. Struggling in my mind the best way to explain my actions.

Sorry Aizawa, I just got lost in focus of beautiful fucking face. No, that won't work. Wow Aizawa, sorry I lost my hands for a second. How'd they get there? No. There is no way I can get out of that.

I don't really have to either because a knock at the front door echoes through the apartment.

"T-That must be the food" I nervously sputter as I get up and make my way to the door. I am just about to reach it before a hand spins me around, one hand gets a grip around my neck and the other grips at the side of my waist. I am pushed against the wall behind me, before I can even think Aizawa is practically devouring my mouth. I moan into the kiss and follow his urgency. His hand falls to hike up my thigh as he pushes himself into me more.

The feeling is practically sinful.

There's another knock that sounds from the door beside us. We slow the speed of our kiss, until it loses its pace and Aizawa places his forehead on mine before taking a deep breath and backing away.

He opens the door talking with the delivery man as I stand here stunned. I don't think I can move my legs. I don't trust myself to move I think I even try I'm just going to end up falling over.

Once he finishes paying and talking with the man, he gives a quick thank you and closes the door.

Food in hand he quirks a brow "You okay there sweetheart?"

"I- I don't think I can walk" I laugh at myself he chimes in a bit with a deep chuckle.

"Here come on," he snakes a hand around my waist and walks with me to the kitchen. Setting down the food, he outs his other hand around my waist before hoisting me up onto the counter with ease. Hands on both sides of me, trapping me in-between him. He looks up to me.

"I was wanting to take this slow, but sweetheart you just made this so difficult" he chuckles to himself. Shaking his head "but you just wouldn't stop. Calling me Mr. Aizawa, looking at me with those eyes, clenching your thighs around me, wearing these sexy shorts," he takes a hand to grab the string of the shorts again, "all of it has been eating away at me, tempting me."

He sighs and takes a deep breath before backing up a bit, "If you don't want this please tell me, I need you to tell me sweetheart. I won't bother you ever again if you tell me okay? I-"

"I want this" I interrupt, "I really want this, I just wasn't sure if you did."

"Are you sure now?" he chuckles, his muscles relaxing at the relief of knowing you want him just as much as he wants you. His hands shift and make their way to rest on the sides of my legs, his thumbs rubbing circles on them. I feel tingles shoot up throughout my body.

“You know I’m not the only one to blame here” I point my finger into his chest accusingly, “You were the one walking around shirtless, you were the one openly flirting with me, and you were the one using names like ‘sweetheart’”

He looks at you amused, “You don’t like sweetheart?”

“That’s not the point here”

He laughs, “so yes or no to sweetheart? hmm?”

“yes to sweetheart, no to teasing me” I huff out, slight pout on my face.

“Anything else you want me to call you? Maybe sweetheart just doesn’t cut it,” he leans back hand and pointer finger coming up to his lip in concentration.

“How about Honey Buns,” you grimace at the sound, “no? okay what about Bubble butt, you do have a nice butt” I laughed, shaking my head in a disapproving no. He leans into the counter hands entrapping you on each side, head nuzzling into the crook of my neck. It makes me feel faint, I can feel his hot breath fanning onto my skin. “How about Kitten, hmm? I like kitten, I think it suits you.” I feel like I could melt. He attaches his mouth to the side of my neck, and I hum in delight. Moving up with some slow sensual kisses, he finally reached his destination and nips a bit at my earlobe.

“I need an answer kitten” he mutters.

Oh I can’t right now, I’m a little preoccupied: my head - clouded, my body -dysfunctional, my panties - soaked.

He nips again, this time at the cartilage of my earlobe. He’s being a little more demanding now, and it gives me the chance to muster up the courage.

“Yes sir,” I muster out. He grips and kneads my thighs with more force now.

“Good girl, see it wasn’t that hard right?” he grips my jaw, “someone deserves a reward.”

God has blessed me, that's what this is. My mind is racing, finally everything I have been thinking about doing with this man is finally going to happen. Thank you lord-

He detaches himself from me, leaving me with an ache in the pit of my stomach “You can have first dibs with the gyudon and taiyaki,” he smirks as he makes his way to grab silverware before turning and smirking at me “how bout that sweetheart?”

#mha #mha fanfiction #aizawa sensei #aizawa fanfiction #shoto aizawa #my hero academia aizawa #mha aizawa #mha x y/n #bmha

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the-hopeless-haze · 4 years

Text

Rebel Rebel (Part 1?)

Pairing: Janis Sarkisian/reader

A/N: okay this has been sitting in my drafts for months and I have no idea if I’m gonna continue this but fuck it???? Sorry for all the people who followed me for Barba lmao (I am continuing that don’t worry) but idk I just figured I may as well post this??? I have more of this written and I know how I wanted it to end but the middle is just not working and that’s why I never posted. But I just listened to Dead Girl Walking and I was reminded how gay I am for Barrett sooooo 😂 here you go? You’re welcome?? I haven’t edited this or looked at it since March so this may be a mess but... yeah

It was eighth grade, nearing the end of the year and you were anxious, unsure of why. Would your friends still be your friends next year? High school was going to be a lot different, you could just tell.

You saw your two best friends, Regina and Janis talking to each other down the hallway, where their lockers were, so you headed down there. Regina was probably inviting Janis to the end of year pool party she’d been planning. It was going to be so great to at least be with all your friends one last time, even if high school might take them away.

As you got within earshot, though, you realized Regina was being anything but nice.

“But are you a lesbian, Janis? I can’t have a lesbian at my pool party,” you hear Regina’s high pitched voice chirp. “You understand that, right?”

“Regina... I—“

“What? So are you?”

“Why are you asking me this? Did I do something?”

“I need to know. Don’t you get it? You not wanting to answer is pretty suspicious.”

“I am a space alien and I have four butts!” Janis yelled and ran down the hallway, leaving Regina to laugh. She makes eye contact with you. “Wow, I dodged a bullet with that, huh?”

“Why did you do that?”

“Don’t you get she doesn’t fit in? I mean, she likes girls, first of all. Second of all... she doesn’t get this stuff. Don’t you want to be popular in high school? I can get you there. We’re on top here. Everyone knows us. But this is child’s play.”

“But that was mean, Regina!” you said, your tone accusatory.

She shrugs her shoulders. “Sometimes you have to be mean to get what you want. And we’re not going to get it with her.”

“But she’s our friend!”

“Was...our friend. Don’t you care that she’s a dyke?”

You sighed, defeated. You wanted to tell her, no, you didn’t care... but you knew she’d stop being friends with you too. And her talk of being popular and being on top of the world... it sounded good.

You had many regrets about this day, and if everyone has a couple turning points in their lives, this was your first.

——

Regina was right, though. She got you everything you had thought you’d always wanted, but you never felt good enough and a lot of the time, you’re miserable. You’re constantly worried about your weight, whether you got enough instagram likes on your 1000th picture with the plastics, as you’d been dubbed, and whether or not you were dating one of the hottest guys at school.

Who would’ve thought the hottest guys were so dumb? You didn’t like any of them, really, and the second they asked to get in your pants, you dropped them like flies. So you’d gotten a rep for being somewhat of a prude, which Regina would sometimes scold you for.

Regina just got meaner as time went on, and sometimes you regretted not turning on her the first day she showed her true colors, when she’d sharpied all over Janis’s locker “SPACE DYKE” and even included it in the burn book she made over the summer once yearbooks came out. Regina would flirt with boys that she thought you or Gretchen liked, just to show you she could have them. Jokes on her, you didn’t like any of them, but you had to pretend or there wouldn’t be any gossip or any of the infighting that Regina seemed to love. It was the beginning of sophomore year now, and it was beyond exhausting.

And oh, the parties that started now! You hated them, just an excuse for everyone to get shitfaced and girls to make dumb decisions that made boys so happy even though everyone was too drunk to really remember them the next day. Regina is hosting one tonight, and here you are, in your skimpy, skin tight blue dress that you had to buy with babysitting money— since there’s no way in hell your mother would buy that for you. A sophomore hosting a party was unheard of, but Regina has a huge house and her parents went on vacation for their anniversary. She’d use whatever she could to her advantage.

All she wanted was to climb that ladder, and she didn’t care who got hurt in the way.

But here you were, dancing with the hockey player you were dating now... or was it football? You didn’t even care. You vaguely remembered his name was Mike and you told him you needed to go to the bathroom. You headed to Regina’s room and locked the door, thankful you got there early enough that there was no one trying to hookup.

You got lost in your phone for a while, and you found Janis’s Instagram profile. It was private, but there was her profile picture. She was so pretty now, not the awkward girl who tried to dye her hair blonde and wear pink just to fit in. She wore dark makeup in the picture and she wasn’t looking at the camera, and it fit her so much better. Even her hair, which she had let just grow out from the blonde she’d dyed it, looked great. You nearly send a follow request and then think better of it.

You remembered having hobbies, painting at Janis’s house until your hands were covered in paint, and you remember laughing so hard you couldn’t breathe.

Sometimes Regina was a good friend. Sometimes she was a great friend. She was there for you when your grandmother died over that first summer without Janis, and she held you while you cried... and you cried a lot. But sometimes she was mean to even you and it was exhausting. You know she cares about you, but you know she’d turn on you, too, if you gave her what she deemed enough reason to.

You can’t remember laughing like you used to in a long time. You can’t remember being passionate about anything for a while, either. The only time was in your classes, really, you loved chemistry but you had to keep it under wraps because if it got out you were too nerdy... well, that’s social suicide.

The thing about being a plastic was that you couldn’t be anything or do anything too extreme. You had to just be a shell of human being, a shell of a hot girl, just to appease everyone. The money you spent, or had your parents spend, on your bleach blonde hair and your makeup and your hot clothes and your nails and your purses and your shoes... and the hours you spent at the salon and the mall with Regina and Gretchen and Karen, it was completely exhausting. And then you weren’t allowed to have a personality outside of all of this, it was just, clothes! Makeup! Shoes! Boys! Parties! Popularity!

All things girls were supposed to care about, but really, there was no girl left in you to care anymore. You slip off your heels and lie down on the bed, remembering Regina holding you. That felt nice, her slender arms around you, her chin against your shoulder, and she smelled so good, like a hair salon and vanilla and cinnamon and... you just wanted to cry. Why couldn’t she be like that all the time?

The pillows smell like her shampoo and you inch up to place your head on them, ready to fall asleep, the bass from the speakers downstairs lulling you.

You awake twenty minutes later with your phone blowing up from Regina. “Where’d you go? Party’s not fun without you 😘” her most recent text said. Your eyes burn from the makeup you fell asleep in and you blink a few times before replying, telling her you were in her room and not feeling well.

“Bummer! I’ll be up in a few xo” she texts back.

You answer the door when she knocks, and you smile when she hugs you immediately. “(Y/n)! I’m sorry you’re sick! Did you drink something Kevin made? Because don’t.”

“No... I just... I don’t know. I’m sick of the parties,” you grumble as you pull away from the hug and sit back on the bed. She follows you, her pink dress clinging to her every curve, riding up a little as she sits down.

“Why?” She laughs. “This is what high school is about! You’ve gotta have fun. You’re only hot once.”

“But this... it’s not fun to me. It’s not fun to get wasted and have guys try and get in my pants and watch girls throw up.”

“But we can get everything we want. It’s what I always told you,” she says, rubbing your back, but her voice is hollow.

“I don’t have everything I want! I don’t even know what I want anymore, but I’m not happy. Are you? What are you getting out of this because I don’t understand.”

“Respect. Love. Fear. It’s all I ever wanted, really,” Regina says. “People either love me or hate me but they think about me. They think about you, too. Everyone who’s a sophomore knows us, and most of the upperclassmen do too. Doesn’t it feel good?”

You sigh. “I guess, sometimes, it does. But most of the time it doesn’t! I don’t like it, feeling like I have to do everything perfectly because everyone’s watching. And it’s only going to get worse because next year we’re juniors...”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m not entirely happy either. I don’t like Jack.”

“Then why are you dating him?”

“Because. Free popularity and all I gotta do is be seen with him.”

“But... doesn’t he ask for more?”

She laughs. “Sure he does! But you have to be strategic with that.”

“Right..." you say, slightly sarcastically. You didn't really know what she meant.

Regina places a hand on your knee. “I know it’s been hard for you. But it’s going to be okay.”

“Do you wanna... just lie for a minute? I know you have to go back to the party—“

“No, I can stay for you,” she says, smiling softly. There was the Regina you wanted to be friends with all the time.

You both lean back on the bed, and her arms wrap around you tightly, her chin nestling on your shoulder. Here, you were happy.

“It’s all worth it, all the fighting to just get to the top to sit like this with you,” she says quietly. “We could never be made fun of for this because we can’t be touched.”

“What?”

“Don’t you get it? I... I don’t know how to say it. Just... trust me, okay?” You nod, not sure what she meant, but then she’s leaning over and turning your cheek toward her and she’s kissing you.

Regina George is kissing you.

It’s a quick peck, probably because she’s not sure how you’d react but it’s still the best kiss you’d ever had in your life. You don’t make any rational thoughts in the next few moments and you’re not sure if she kisses you again or you pull her back in, but all of a sudden she’s on top of you and kissing you harder, and slowly, the confusion sets in.

It almost feels too good to stop, but eventually your brain starts working again. “Regina... I... are you okay?” you ask as you pull away. “Are you drunk?”

“What? No. I wouldn’t get drunk at my own party, what kind of slut does that? No, (y/n)... I want you. Didn’t that feel good?”

“Yes... but... you kicked Janis out of the friend group for being a lesbian. Why would you do that if you were gay? You always said she had a crush on you. Why would that have been such a bad thing?”

Regina sighs and flops over to the other side of the bed. “I’m not gay. I mean. I don’t know. I definitely didn’t know back then but I knew Janis just didn’t fit in even if we took away all of the gay stuff. But if we talk about the gay stuff... then yeah. I was confused. Super confused. I didn’t know if I liked you or her and I knew I wasn’t supposed to like either of you. And then I saw the two of you together and you just... you had something I didn’t have, just genuine friendship, and maybe she had a crush on you. Either way I was jealous. And I had to get the two of you apart.”

“Regina... that’s awful,” you say.

“But then I tried to be nice to you! I just wanted to be friends. I mean, I didn’t think I wanted to sleep with you or anything. I just wanted to be friends. Karen and Gretchen are just stupid and I just don’t feel comfortable enough around them to be like this. To let go of the persona.”

“You haven’t been entirely nice to me, Regina. Plus you started this off by ruining my friendship with Janis.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have done that, but I was so... angry whenever she was around. I just... we could pass for straight. No one would know.”

“Regina... I can’t,” you say, biting your lip and trying not to cry.

“Do you... do you not like girls? Is that it? I’m so stupid,” she says bitterly.

“No, Regina, it’s not that, I mean... I don’t know if I do. But it’s just... I’m tired of living like this and I don’t want to have this secret to worry about. All we need is for Gretchen to find out...”

“But she wouldn’t. And even if she did, do you think she’d cross me? Cross us?” She grips your wrists. “Please.”

You start crying and you know you’re not going to be able to stop. If the circumstances were different, you’d love to date her. You think. “Regina. I don’t want to be popular anymore, and for that to happen, we can’t be friends and we... can’t do this.”

“But—“

“If you want to drop it... then... if you want to give up being popular, being fake... then... then yes. Come out. Apologize to Janis. But I’m leaving, and I’m not leaving with baggage.”

She nods. “I... I understand. It’s okay. But I need this! They’d tear me apart if I came out and I can’t be... I can’t be outcasted. I’m exhausted, too, you know? But it’s... it’s better than the alternative. I hope you don’t come to realize that.”

“Regina...”

“No, it’s fine. I really get it,” she says, smiling. “But I’m going to have to spread a rumor, something so they don’t question why you left the group.”

“I know. Just say I’m gay. It’s your trick.”

She starts crying then, sobbing, really, and your heart lurches. You lean over to hug her.

“You don’t have to be so mean.”

“Yeah. I do. Because if I’m not it’ll turn around on me. My mom... she’d never understand! I just... okay. I understand we can’t... be seen together if this is really what you want. But can you at least text me once in a while? So I know how you’re doing?”

“Of course,” you say. You hug her one last time, and she kisses your cheek. You leave the house with your head held high but your heart sinks as you realize this is the last time you’ll step foot in there.

——

Regina is meaner without you. She is hostile to Gretchen and Karen, and you can tell if they adored her at all before, that’s completely gone and they follow her out of fear that she’d make their lives a living hell.

Maybe it’s because she did go on and start the rumor you were a lesbian. Fair enough. You weren’t entirely sure about that label yet but it gave you enough freedom to maneuver this without having lame guys hit on you anymore. That may have stopped anyway since you weren’t competing with Regina for hottest in the sophomore class... but at least it stopped.

“So... looks like she did the same thing to you after all, bitch,” a female voice says as you slam your locker shut. You jump and look to your left to see Janis there... and your breath catches. She was all the more beautiful in person.

“Yeah,” you frown. “But hey... are you mad at me?”

Janis scoffs. “Kinda. But I know you weren’t to blame now. I mean, she did the same thing to you! And I hate Regina more than I could ever hate anybody. Also Damien made me talk to you.”

“Damien?” you ask. “Wait... that guy in musical theater?”

“Yes...” Janis says slowly. “How do you know?”

“He’s really good! I’ve gone and seen every play. Like, and sat in the back. But I’ve gone.”

“Wow. That surprises me. But you did used to love that sort of thing in middle school.”

“I think I made you listen to the Mamma Mia soundtrack at least 80 times.”

“Oh yes. Wait... did you know that they’re putting it on this year? It's the spring musical."

“What?”

“Yeah. Maybe you could audition now that the plastics aren’t holding you back. You have like one day to make up your mind though. I do scenery. Maybe I’ll see you around?”

“Where do you sit at lunch?”

——

It was an awkward reintroduction and the words are never spoken. Is Janis gay? More importantly, are you gay, or bi, or something? Does wondering if another girl is gay make you gay?

But aside from the utter confusion of possibly having a crush on your ex best friend, you’re enjoying life as an ex-plastic. You’re auditioning for the role of Donna, but even if you don’t get it you’re going to get a part since so few people actually signed up to audition. You’re drawing again, too, even if you were never as good as Janis.

Regina hasn’t texted you yet, but you’re thankful. If she did too soon you’d get pulled back from the progress you’ve made. But you’re also worried about her, and your heart lurches whenever you make eye contact with her at lunch and she looks away quickly.

But this was how life was going to be from now on, so it was time to get used to it.

#janis sarkisian #janis x reader #janis sarkisian x reader #janis ian #janis ian x reader #mean girls #mean girls broadway #mean girls bway #Yeah I made Regina gay #what about it???#that's my headcanon #no one in this musical is straight ok #idk i feel weird posting this but fuck ittttt

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apocalypsewriters · 4 years

Text

Not-a-Damsel in Distress: Hallway Edition

Summary: Victor-Hecate's first public short story! Their many protective layers concealed too many features, so a patrolling teacher hehe that rhymed decided to lecture them on it and subsequently put them in danger. A somewhat mysterious girl (Aster @pagesofcursive character) comes to the rescue, which may lead them back to a path they abandoned long ago for the safety of them and the mental peace of those around them.

“Miss Ernesh!” The teacher’s voice rang out across the hallway.

Victor-Hecate Ernesh jumped, their head halfway in their locker. Sighing, they tugged at their scarf, one of the many layers of clothing they wore, and closed their locker. “Yes?” they answered, their voice muffled by the cream bandana they wore.

Coldly, the teacher demanded, “Take off all those… accessories. You know the school policy.”

Victor-Hecate said nothing and began unwrapping their copious layers of clothing. Under the severe gaze of the teacher, they shrugged off the overcoat and laid it on the tiled floor, grimacing at the thought of all the grime from day to day usage getting on the soft leather. They tugged off their grey beanie, a mop of tightly coiled chocolate brown curls spilling out and hanging halo-like around their head. After trying and failing to unwrap their scarf, they tugged off their treasured gloves and added them to the slowly growing pile at their knees.

“Hey!” a voice echoed sharply from one of the nearby lockers.

A pale girl stormed over, her dark, choppily cut, chin-length hair framing her face. A scar traced down the left side of her face, through her eyebrow to halfway down her cheek. Her dark clothing contrasted starkly with her fierce blue eyes. Victor-Hecate’s eyes widened at the impressive figure she cut; they’d heard of her before - Aster had dated Dawn, one of the more popular girls in schools, and was in and out of detention so often, no one could keep track of her misdeeds. “Can’t you see they’re obviously uncomfortable? Why can’t they just wear what they want?” Aster’s icy tone matched the teacher’s.

The teacher raised an eyebrow at the fuming girl. “She wasn’t adhering to the dress code, so she had to change. And frankly, it’s none of your business, so resume getting ready for class.”

Victor-Hecate turned back to their pile of clothing, their spirits lifted a little - they’d finally managed to unknot their scarf, and someone was trying to stand up for them. They stole another look at the girl, who rolled her eyes at the teacher. Stealing a hidden smirk, they got to work untying their bandana, which had gotten caught in their short hair.

“Dress code is stupid anyway,” she snapped, her eyes blazing brighter than before, and she narrowed them at the teacher. “Are their clothes personally bothering you? Because I don’t see how a few extra layers do anything but help them feel comfortable.”

The teacher’s visage grew haughty at the fiery girl’s insolence. “It’s a matter of security. It is hard to identify the student, and he or she could be smuggling something,” the teacher said snidely.

“A matter of security?” she said with a snicker. “Did you know that four of the doors leading into the school and the front gate all have broken locks? There are malfunctioning cameras everywhere, and at least half the windows are cracked. Why don’t you focus on those instead of targeting an innocent student?” As Victor-Hecate ripped their ashamed gaze from the pile of clothing on the floor, they caught a flash of fire curling around Aster’s fist.

“Mind your tone, young lady,” snapped the teacher.

Finally, Victor-Hecate plucked up the courage to say something. Apparently, their mumble was inaudible to the pair standing above them, as the teacher abruptly asked, “What was that?”

They swallowed and tried to muster up their drive once again. “It’s not that big of a deal. It’s fine, really.”

The teacher turned and smugly addressed Aster, who was still standing there, boiling with barely checked rage. “You see?”

Aster’s voice hardened, her eyes growing steely as she reeled back her temper. “You’re terrifying them, do you see that? Although I’m sure that during the dark ages, when you first became a teacher, it was fine to mistreat students, but it’s a different time now.” If looks could kill, the teacher would be dead on the floor. Rolling her eyes once again as the teacher opened her mouth, she quickly said, “Just let them go the rest of the day with the layers they’re comfortable with, and then I’ll help them figure out a new wardrobe after school.”

The teacher huffed before stalking off down the hallway, leaving the pair alone in front of the lockers. Victor-Hecate spoke up again, their voice filling the silence that now permeated the area, “Thank you. That was really brave. I would never be able to do that.” Their cheeks rushed with blood, giving them the color they desperately needed.

Aster’s expression softened a little. “It’s no problem. I hate when teachers do stuff like that.” She paused for a moment. “Hey, do I know you? You look familiar.”

They shrugged, “Maybe. But probably not. I don’t know a lot of people, and as you can see,” they said, gesturing to their backpack, which was bursting at the seams with their shredded layers, “I don’t show a lot of features. But I know you, though.” Victor-Hecate paused, doubting their previous observation. “You’re Aster, right? You’ve caused quite a stir at school. Even I noticed.”

Aster let out a laugh, her features alight with memories of mischief. “Yeah, that’s what I’m known for. What’s your name again?”

Victor-Hecate smarted, startled by the question. “Sorry about that. I’m not really used to people asking me. I’m pretty good at fading into the background.” They smiled weakly, pulling on their backpack. “I’m Victor-Hecate. Take your pick of nicknames; I don’t mind. It’s a bit of a mouthful, I know.” Once again, they wished they didn’t have their powers, or at the very least, were wearing gloves – this seemed like a situation that needed a handshake. Memories of normal greetings, normal interactions with people had faded over the six years of having powers.

“Well, Victor-Hecate,” Aster said, nudging them. They stiffened at the contact, preparing themself for pain, but none came. Thankfully, Aster hadn’t managed to brush any skin. “I think you’re pretty cool. And I’m sure I know someone in your family- any siblings at this school?”

“Thanks. My cousin goes here, actually. You’ve probably heard of her; she’s pretty popular. Violetta?”

Aster’s eyes widened for a moment, a slight blush rushing into her cheeks. She cleared her throat. “Oh. That explains things then. She’s in a bunch of my classes.” She chuckled. “I don’t know if she mentioned, but we kinda have a rivalry going on.”

Victor-Hecate shook their head sadly. “I don’t see her that much. We don’t run in the same circles. Like I said, I don’t know a lot of people.” They shuffled their feet awkwardly, tugging at the sleeves of their light green turtleneck. “Thanks again for rescuing me.” They started walking away, leaving Aster behind, still a little flushed.

“Well, tell her I said hi, I guess.” Her face went red again as they stopped, just shy of a chewed pencil that lay unseen one pace away from the tips of Victor-Hecate’s grey converse. Aster’s hair bounced slightly as she shook her head quickly. “Actually, don’t.”

Victor-Hecate twisted around, taking two steps towards the darkly dressed girl, raising their eyebrows, a smirk spreading on their face. “So, don’t tell her you say hi?”

Aster avoided their eyes, somehow blushing brighter. “Just ignore all of that. Uh, so am I coming over to your house to help you pick out new clothes, or did I straight up lie to that jerk of a teacher?” Fire licked out from her fists at the memory of the argument.

“You can if you want to. But I’d understand if you don’t. I’m not the most sociable person,” their smile faded.

“No, no,” Aster reassured. “I would love to hang out.”

Victor-Hecate brightened, “Awesome. Here.” They swung their bag around and fished in a pocket, searching for stationary. After a few agonizing moments of scrambling, they pulled out a pen and paper. “Write down your number so we can organize this later.”

Aster stretched out a hand. As soon as her fingers brushed the paper, they let go. The pen clattered to the floor, the paper drifting to the rest moments later. Victor-Hecate shot Aster an apologetic look as she bent to pick up the fallen materials. Aster leaned against the lockers, writing out her phone number in chicken scratch, the numbers barely legible. Stopping for a brief moment partway through writing, she aggressively shook the pen, which revolted at being used sideways. Handing back the paper, Aster blinked as the other student snatched the paper out of her hands. Victor-Hecate cringed at the situation, worried their fear was warping another potential relationship.

“Well, text me then,” Aster said, thankfully not mentioning Victor-Hecate’s odd mannerisms.

“Thanks! I will” They turned and started walking away. Suddenly, their foot slid out from underneath them, a pencil flying up in the air – the culprit of the tumble. They fell to the ground, hard, their wrists smacking against the grimy tiled floor. Anyone else would have let out a cry or grimaced at the fall, but Victor-Hecate’s high pain tolerance allowed them to brush off the injury.

“Here, let me help.” Too late, they heard Aster walk up to them, her boots clumping across the floor, and grab their hands to try to pull them up. Pain bloomed in their abdomen, their eyes flashed black as their power flared up. They snatched their hands away, falling once more to the floor. They curled into the fetal position, wrapping their arms around their middle as the phantom wound lingered. By their best guess, it would be a knife wound- and an ugly one at that. They let out a whimper as the pain surged. Finally, finally, it faded, allowing Victor-Hecate to recover and sit up.

Their voice was strained, “I’m good, but thanks.”

“Are you okay? What happened?” Concern was etched on Aster’s face.

Hauling themself to their feet, they replied, “My awful power happened.” They wilted at the worry, the pity on Aster’s face. It always happened. They were maybe, finally, respected as a person, a whole person without issues. And then, inevitably, their power surfaced and put them below everyone else again. They hated feeling weak, but the only thing worse than the pain was the looks they got. No one ever saw them as competent after witnessing a breakdown. Victor-Hecate watched curiosity light in Aster’s eyes. Maybe pity wasn’t the worst. They dreaded her horrified reaction to the reveal of the morbid powers they never wished for.

“Oh, uh- what’s your power then?” The question spilled out of Aster’s lips.

Straightening their backpack, they muttered, “I’m so sorry for the way you go out.” They brushed themself off, relishing in the final moments of ignorance before horror soured the air. Clearing their throat awkwardly, they explained, “Whenever I touch someone, I feel the pain of their death.”

With their gaze fixed on the floor, they didn’t see Aster backing up, but they heard it; her black leather boots squeaked twice on the tiles before her hand pressed against a locker, the metal letting out a crack as it warped under her weight. They imagined the shock on her face, just like the dozens before her. “I- What hap- No, I don’t want to know. Is that why...?” She stammered before trailing off.

Victor-Hecate's shoulders tightened from their slumped position. They were distraught but tried not to show it. “Yeah. That’s why I wear so much clothing - to cover any skin.” Swallowing back tears, they knelt back on the ground and pulled a jacket out from their bag. They slipped it on, jamming their thumbs in the holes by the base of the sleeves and zipping it up as quickly as possible. They forced themself to meet Aster’s gaze before continuing, “If you don’t want to come over, I understand. Nothing like a stranger knowing how you die.”

Aster chuckled weakly, the shock slowly fading from her face. “No, no, it’s- it’s okay.” She smiled at Victor-Hecate, who stood, shell-shocked in front of her. “And, exactly, I’d rather a friend know how I die compared to a random stranger. So, I’m still welcome to come?”

“Oh,” they said, caught off guard. “Of course.” The words were quiet, not quite out loud, but not quite to themself either. “I’d love that.” The pair stood in silence for a few moments before Victor-Hecate piped up, “Just, be careful around knives, okay?”

Aster’s jaw dropped at the statement. It hung open for two counts before snapping shut. “I’ll do my best. See you after school.”

“Yeah,” they said, perking up at the prospect, “Yeah…” As they made their way down the hallway, making a point to avoid the pencil, which sat innocently three feet from where it had been five minutes earlier.

Aster laughed under her breath, before starting on her own way in the opposite direction of Victor-Hecate, who now almost had a spring in their step. That day, they counted down the hours left of school for a completely different reason from their classmates. The only time the wait slipped their mind was lunch – they pulled out their phone, pulling up the number of a person they hadn’t talked to face to face for a long time.

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stebeans · 4 years

Text

She-ra inspired Actor AU - I

Maya Sanchez as Catra

Taylor Cruz as Adora

Jessica Cho as Glimmer

Marcus Patterson as Bow

A She-ra Actor AU fic where She-ra and the Princesses of Power is a popular tv series and our lovable characters are played by actresses/actors. Inspired by the amazing fanart and concept by @sunzho and @hey_adora on instagram #cayaactorau, see link below and please follow them!

https://www.instagram.com/explore/tags/cayaactorau/

P.S. I also changed the “real-life” name for Adora’s actress that sunzho and hey_adora came up with from Claire Cruz to Taylor Cruz . Not that I hated the name but I have bad experiences with Claire’s in my life and it felt odd on my part to write about a character with the same name...please forgive me!

But also! ship name for these two...Maylor? Maytay? I am horrible at this, I’ll admit.

Anyways I have a few head-cannons for this AU and I have a few snippets I would like to write. But this is the first of many! Please enjoy!

First Meeting

Maya glanced around the waiting room, her fingers playing with the worn and crumpled script in her hands. This was the first time she was auditioning for a part larger than the “background Latino girl” of a typical low-budget high school movie and to say she was nervous would be an understatement. Her agent had mentioned that the showrunners were open minded and there wasn’t any clear restrictions on the lead character but despite that, the waiting room was filled with the stereotypical tall, thin, blonde and ridiculously hot actresses that seemed to be overrun in LA. Seriously, what was in the water? It was clear as day that Maya stood out like a sore thumb with her dark skin, darker hair, with freckles that sprinkled across her cheeks and who stood at five-foot two inches on a good day.

Her mom had use to accompany her through many of her auditions, kind and supportive and not at all like the overbearing mothers she had come across in her earlier days when she was just a teen trying to break into show business. When she had hit seventeen she had finally convinced her mom that she was old enough to venture to auditions on her own. Her brothers, all older than she was, needed more supervision than a tub of ice cream on a hot summer day. Now she wished for her mom’s calming presence.

“Do you mind?” The aspiring actress next to her snapped, eyes narrowing at the way Maya had been unconsciously bouncing her leg in a staccato rhythm.

Immediately freezing, Maya shot her a sheepish look. “Sorry.” She apologized, wringing the script in her hands into a roll. “Just a little nervous I guess.”

“Yeah, no shit.” The blonde rolled her eyes before turning into her seat that put her back to Maya, effectively closing Maya off to the conversation she was having with the person on the other side.

Heat rose up Maya’s neck, across her cheeks and even up to her ears. Embarrassed, Maya’s eyes shot down to her lap where she smoothed out the script for the hundredth time. The cover page – white, crisp text and simple as was the industry standard— read:

SHE-RA REBOOT

written by

Noelle Stevenson

based on the series

She-Ra: Princess of Power (1985)

Honestly, Maya had never even heard of She-ra, didn’t have a clue what it was all about besides concluding that She-ra was indeed a person. A heroine actually. Plot, characters, villains were still a mystery as it was way before her time. Her three older brothers, the youngest was five years older than her, had teased her relentlessly as brothers do prior to the audition. They had puffed out their chest, calling out for He-man before striking obnoxious power poses and pitching their voices to imitate a ridiculous feline accent that more often than not, was interjected with an annoying “meow”. Ugh, if the reboot was anything like how her brothers pitched it, maybe it wouldn’t be too awful if she was passed up. Not that the images that popped up when she had done a quick google search was very impressing either. Too much skin, not enough clothes, and that was for both sexes…species…whatever! What was this show even about?

Now she was even more nervous for different reasons. She couldn’t even imagine herself being so exposed with the lack of fabric the costumes required. Pulling the sleeves of her over-sized hoodie over her fingers, Maya resisted the urge to bounce her leg again lest the blonde turn back around and give her a black eye. Nope. Black eyes were definitely not a good look when trying to land a role.

The door to the small waiting room the actresses had been herded into swung open with a bang, bouncing off the door stop and nearly pulling the door off its hinges. Another blonde walked through and unlike the other blondes in the room, Maya couldn’t tell if she was a staff member or an actress. Besides the blue-eyed, blonde haired look almost all the girls in the room were sporting this one was different from the rest. She looked…hard, rough around the edges. Her blue eyes cut through the room, lingering on Maya for a brief second before finding nothing of interest. She blew out a bubble with her pink gum as she weaved her way through the room, slightly hunched over with her hands buried deep in her black leather jacket. The girl had three too many piercing deemed respectable in Hollywood and Maya wouldn’t be surprised if she had other…non-visible piercings or tattoos for that matter.

The girl’s entrance had captured the majority of the room’s attention. Conversations and idle chatter had quieted as everyone watched her sign in at the check-in station. “Seriously?” The bitch next to Maya muttered in disbelief. “Her?”

No one had bothered to comment as the girl strolled up to where they were seated, her eyes cutting to Maya’s before raising a perfectly pierced eyebrow at her. Gulping, Maya tilted her head up in confusion. Jeez, the girl was taller than Maya had initially thought and super attractive too. When it was obvious Maya wasn’t going to make a move, the newcomer stared pointedly at Maya, than at the tattered backpack at her feet – now noticing how it effectively blocked the walking path – and back up at Maya. Flushing, or had she ever stopped blushing? “Right!” Maya leaned forward and jerkily tugged her backpack onto her lap. “Sorry!”

Either Maya was stronger than she looked or her bag was in worst shape than it appeared – most likely, almost definitely the latter – because the zipper of her backpack decided that yes, this was the most opportune time to break and to spill its contents across the floor. “Shit!” Maya cursed, hurrying to grab her items before she caused a bigger scene.

A few snickers echoed the room and a sharp “what the fuck?” from beside her had Maya wishing the floor would just open up and swallow her whole. Mercifully the rough-looking blonde didn’t say anything but she wasn’t exactly helpful either, opting to stand and watch idly while Maya hastily shoved various things into her bag. Her physics and mathematics AP textbook, a graphic calculator, her phone, a windbreaker jacket, and embarrassingly enough her dusty and dirty softball jersey had fallen out too. “Fucking loser. Go back to whatever hick country you’re from.”

“Hey!”

Maya looked up startled, her fingers wrapped around her backpack in a white-knuckled grip. The girl had pulled her hands from out of her leather jacket and now had them curled up in tight fists, eyes narrowed in a dangerous glare that made Maya nervous even though it wasn’t directed at her but at the blonde next to her who’ve been making comments all day. “Fuck off. She’s fine.”

Thankfully smart-mouth decided to keep her mouth shut, though her lips pursed in distaste. She obviously wasn’t dumb enough to pick a fight with the girl who looked like she could bench two hundred pounds no problem. They glared at each other for what seemed like eternity, the room tense and quiet as they were all caught up in the impromptu showdown. Finally smart-mouth caved and looked away and the tension eased. No catfight here. No sir, not today. We’re all professionals here.

Though if it did come to blows, Maya was willing to bet her whole savings on who would win that particular fight. “Ignore her.” The girl said. “She’s a bitch.”

Maya noticed in her peripherals that smart-mouth had stiffened at the comment but didn’t react otherwise. Thank God. Maya definitely did not want to be pulled in whatever might transpire. She was already at a disadvantage. She didn’t want to be known as “That-Latino-Girl-That-Starts-Fights-In-Waiting-Rooms”. It was a more of a mouthful than “successful actress Maya Sanchez”.

The girl bent down, picking up the old softball that had rolled against her Converses. She tossed it gently in the air, catching it with one hand before handing it over to Maya. “Thanks.” Maya said softly, almost a whisper.

The girl nodded once, understanding that the thanks was more for than just returning her softball before settling down in the only free seat a few chairs over from where Maya sat. The wait resumed without more fanfare, thank God again. More names were called and soon enough the waiting room dwindled until there were only a handful of actresses left. “Maya…Sanchez?” A staff called out and Maya stood almost too quickly, nearly tripping over her own feet.

Fuck. She looked like a total loser. Though the only one in the room looking at her was the rough-looking blonde. “Oh!” The staff who previously had his nose glued to his clipboard as if he couldn’t understand the name that was written down, finally looking up with surprise clearly written on his face as he did a once-over at Maya. “Right this way Miss Sanchez.” He directed with a forced smile, re-arranging his expressions to look somewhat professional as Maya followed after him.

There was a quiet laugh behind her and Maya turned slightly to see the first smile on the rough blonde’s face. It was really cute and the smile had stunned Maya enough for her steps to falter. Their eyes caught and the blonde offered a wry grin and a nod of encouragement. Or what Maya perceived as encouragement. She didn’t know the girl at all and she had been quiet ever since the tense exchange. For the few words she did say, half of them had been swear words.

Maya made her way down the corridor into a smaller room where the staff member had left her with a insincere “good luck” and facing a table where three older women sat. Sucking in a deep breath, Maya deposited her bag at the door before making her way to stand in front of them where they politely introduced themselves as the casting director, executive producer and director. No big deal. They’re just people too. People who may or may not jump start your acting career.

Squaring her shoulders, Maya smiled brightly.

“My name is Maya Sanchez am I am auditioning for the lead role of Adora.”

#catradora #she ra #spop #catra #adora #she ra and the princesses of power #fanfic #to go with #fanart #inspired #actor au #fanart on instagram #where the actors have different personalities than their characters #Maya (plays Catra) is a nerd #Taylor (plays Adora) is a big grump #they are friends of mara #secret relationship #I'm going to have so much fun with this #not sure if they will be a full fic

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yibowang · 4 years

Note

1) I am wondering if you can comment on the difference in experience between being a fan of kpop idol/actors vs someone in the c entertainment such Yibo? Difference in fandom? Difference in source material? Difference in culture? Size of international fandom?

2) I feel like lots of c netizen rates CQL quite terribly (feel like their opinion is quite influenced by the fact that it is based on BL novel + idol actors). I am not sure if mydramalist has a more subjective rating either because only those people who might be open to like cdrama (and possible not against BL content) tends to watch CQL and thus might have inflated rating. Your thoughts?

3) Also want to ask you, do you feel like fanning someone in C entertainment is somewhat lonely existence? I feel like sometimes there is big gap between opinions for i fan vs c fandom (culturally). Unlike kpop/kdrama that tries to cater to western audience, there is very little effort made on c entertainment part.

hello! i want to start off by saying that yibo is the first and only chinese artist i’ve stanned so i really don’t know much about the c-ent industry and fan culture outside of what’s related yibo. i’m also relatively new to stanning a chinese artist and there’s honestly still a lot that i don’t know/don’t understand so this is just my limited experience. also i won’t be commenting on cql bc i really don’t know what c-netz think of cql ;;; this might get a bit rambly as well adjklfahdfk

in my experience yeah, there’s a big difference in stanning a kpop group compared to yibo like i was honestly scared when i first started stanning... there were so many new things i had to wrap my head around, so many new apps/websites i’ve never navigated before, different unspoken rules as to how fandoms run etc etc. but the first thing i want to say is, stanning yibo even tho he is only one person takes up so much of my time. like just constantly heaps of content + information is being released i feel like even when nct is actively promoting there’s not these many things to look out for. this might have to do w the fact that he’s insanely popular so there’s constantly brand promos, shows, new releases, rumours, fandom drama that needs to be kept up with. and omg the rumours. like this is not really something that was a big deal in kpop but for yibo??? i feel like rumours are a big part of c-ent. rumours of which brand he’s going to endorse next, which drama is casting him, which actors want to work with him omg like i said before just sm information even if it’s unreliable information 😭😭and before as a kpop stan all my info was from twt but now my main source is weibo. i think we’re quite lucky tho bc yibo’s international fandom is relatively big so a lot of weibo info does get shifted over to twt!

as for the fandom itself, i always feel like international fandom is quite chill lmao maybe bc i’m nctzen 😶but compared to i-fans. yeah. they’re really passionate and do a lot of things in support of their idols. for e.g. recently yibo’s fans have been going out in public asking for people to vote for yibo. this is not really something we’ll see in the kpop fandom. fans also play a huge role in the artist’s image + selling value i feel like? yibo on his own has a good reputation amongst gp but his fanbase also have to reflect that. it’s kind of stupid but the fans really do impact the artist a lot more. competitiveness is also on a whole other level bc of this passion tbh like fandoms of the top traffic stars generally don’t get along well + should try their best to stay away from each other. for this reason stats + rankings seem to be pre important and i need to mention this bc why are there sm rankings??? it’s like everything is ranked adjfgfhdkl and there’s weekly rankings for everything!!! just as how fans are super supportive antis are insane. hate is everywhere and in my opinion a lot worse than what goes on in the kpop fandom bc of the scale that it can get to. i feel like this is bc of the behind the scenes influences that go on in c-ent which seems to be a lot more apparent + stronger than kpop. like there’s a lot of shit that goes on behind the scenes that we don’t know about and is really out of our hands bc power + money does matter 🤭

as for accessibility yeah )): it can be difficult but like i said before i think we’re lucky bc of yibo’s relatively bigger international fandom. his china bar also tires to cater to international fans and provides subs + information on twt. but content esp older content is a lot harder to find sometimes it’s not like kpop where you can find almost everything from a few sources and just need to slowly make your way through it all. with yibo i’m constantly discovering new things i’ve never seen before but it’s usually through digging or pure luck 😩😩ngl frustrating at first esp when you’re not familiar with navigating the necessary apps. however you do get used to it and eventually it kind of just becomes like any other stanning experience tbh only a bit more effort is needed!

sorry this got kind of long i hope i made sense but this is honestly something i can go on about bc the experience really is so so different. i tried to only talk about the main things i find diff but there’s sm little things that also play into it ahhhhhh c-ent really is complex

#anon #replies #i talked a lot i'm sorry adjkflahgldkf #hope i didn't bore you #i remember at first i thought i didn't need weibo but i was wrong so so so wrong #i had to ask my dad to help me dl it #he was so confused at why i suddenly wanted it

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miss-tc-nova · 4 years

Text

A SOLDIER’s Memories - Cloud Strife x Fem!Reader Pt 2

Originally inspired by Panic! At the Disco’s Hurricane, I love this chapter! It also could’ve been much longer with the chocobo race, but that was kinda needless. Last note: I LOVE INFANTRY CLOUD! He’s so adorable!

Gold Saucer Magic

I stuff the clothes into a bag and, just as I get it zipped up, there’s a knock on the door. Brushing hair from my face, I pull the door open, surprised to find the infantry chocobo on the other side.

“You’re not Zack,” I state bluntly.

He avoids eye contact while a hand plays at the nape of his neck. “Uh, yeah. About that, Zack says he can’t come. So he’s sending me.”

“What?”

“They gave him a last minute mission so he gave me the tickets and said I should take you.” As proof, the blonde holds up the pair of tickets.

I put a hand on my hip. “Well that’s honestly an upgrade for me, but are you sure you’re okay with that? It’s a three day trip.”

I love when he’s bashful. “Yeah. I only had one mission and one of the other guys agreed to cover it for me.”

A smile blooms. “Great. Then let’s get going.”

Oh that poor chocobo. Since our first mission, the duo dynamic I had with Zack balanced out with the addition of the level headed boy, and not just on missions. He always tried his best to keep our antics somewhat mild, but he usually just ended up being dragged along; though he did take Sephiroth up on his word and shot Zack once. Granted, Zack was about to blow everyone up by accident, so they made up pretty quickly. As for the two of us, I find hanging out with Cloud usually ends up being my favorite part of the day. I find myself seeking him out on bad days; his calm demeanor talking me down from my emotions. He’s a huge, sweet softie and I love it. But he still suffers from motion sickness.

After one very sick boat ride and a questionable cable car, we arrive at the astounding Gold Sauce, only to find out our room has a single queen bed. There’s a bit of heckling the front desk, but the room is the only one available: it’s that or nothing. We’ve got no choice. I grumble all the while Cloud drags me out to find dinner and quell my anger. I have to admit, the show after dinner did get me to laugh.

I stare down at the single bed, my annoyance working up again. Cloud puts a hand on my shoulder. “Hey, it’s alright. I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“There’s no way in hell I’m letting you sleep on the floor,” I huff, sitting on the edge of the bed. “That’s gross.”

“Really. It’s fine.”

I take a deep breath and try to remember why we’re here anyway. With a devilish grin, I look to my friend. “You afraid of sharing a bed with me?”

The reaction is instant and entertaining. With a bright red face, he stammers, “N-No! I didn’t want to be rude! I just-”

I throw a pillow. “Shut up, turn off the light, and get in the bed.” Crawling up the bed, I make sure to leave plenty of room for him. The light flickers off and, after a moment, I can feel movement on the other side and the blanket pulls a bit. “Silly chocobo.”

I hear a sigh, smile to myself, and drift to sleep.

~~~~~

I become aware of my body and the pleasant warmth around me. I snuggle against the source behind me and sigh. A weight on my leg snakes around my waist.

That’s when my brain snaps wide awake. I try to get a grip on my rapid thoughts which ultimately lead me to how comfortable I feel. In fact, this is probably the most peaceful I’ve ever felt; it’s safe. Hoping to indulge in the moment a while longer, I relax and just let it go, falling back into a peaceful doze.

The boy stirring brings me back to consciousness. There’s a light gasp and the arm flies away, but I’m too tired to tease him just yet. I didn’t foresee him gingerly replacing his hand on my side though. There’s a flurry of butterflies in my stomach when he pulls me even closer. I’m terrified he can hear my heartbeat but he relaxes. Once I’m sure my heart won’t burst from my chest, I too return to the serenity of snoozing just a bit longer.

Eventually, we have to get up. The moment I start to stretch, Cloud disappears with a jolt. Rubbing at my eye, I sit up and gently shake the blonde. “Wake up, you sleepy chocobo.”

Without turning back, he replies, “I’m up.” I can just see how red his ear is and grin.

With breakfast out of the way, we set out to wander the park, starting with the arcade area. We pass by a windowed wall where people are shooting at targets. What catches my attention though, is the chocobo plushies hanging across the top.

“Oh I need one of those!” I point them out to Cloud and drag him closer. Apparently, the goal of the game is to shoot out the entire star in the paper. After only the first few shots, I quickly realize I won’t be winning that.

Just as I raise the pellet gun again, a hand reaches out, raising the barrel a bit. “You need to line up the sights,” Cloud says, pointing out the two points on the barrel. “And you want to pull the trigger just before you breathe in.” Next, he bumps the back of the firearm higher up my shoulder. “Try that.”

I do significantly better, but I still don’t beat the game. “Damn,” I mutter.

“You picked it up pretty quickly,” comments my friend, handing the game keeper another handful of gil. I never thought Cloud had a smug bone in his body, but that smirk makes me worried that Zack and I have corrupted this pure little chocobo. Also, my heart might explode. “Let me show you how it’s done.”

I stare, slack jawed, as Cloud perfectly carves out the star with ammo to spare. Setting the rifle down, he turns back to me, still wearing that sly smile.

“What the hell was that?!”

“It’s not the first time I’ve held a pellet gun,” he confesses, some of that smugness fading.

It clicks. “That’s right. You’re a country bumpkin.”

“Shooting tin cans is a favorite pass time of my hometown.” The man running the game places a plush on the counter. He holds it out for me. “Oh, here. You wanted one, right?”

Grinning like an idiot, I wrap my arms around it. I can’t help hiding my face in it, knowing that there’s a blush rising. “He’s so cute. And he looks like you.”

His face goes blank. “Gee. Thanks.”

I giggle. “Thanks Cloud.”

We resume our wandering, have lunch, and generally enjoy the park. Then we stumble upon Chocobo Square.

I squeal, picking up the pace. “Oh my god! Cloud! I found your people!”

“I’m never going to shake this chocobo thing, am I,” he sighs.

The birds race past the fence. “This is so cool!”

“You can try it if you want.” Cloud points out the signup counter. My smiling gasp confirms my excitement. “Have fun.”

I grab his arm. “Oh come on! Come with me!”

“I’m good.”

“Please!” The longer he stares, the more uncomfortable he gets and he caves. Before long, we’re saddled up in the stalls. “You gonna be okay there, bird boy?” Cloud rolls his eyes. “Wanna make a bet?”

At first, I expect him to back down, but he shrugs. “Sure.”

“Loser buys dinner.”

“That’s it?”

“Come on. I was trying to be nice,” I goad.

He thinks on it. “How about an unconditional favor.” I tilt my head. “Loser owes the winner a favor whenever they request it. No exceptions.” That smirk comes back. “They just do it.”

“Ooo! I like it.” The red light flashes and I tense. “Don’t let your motion sickness get in the way.”

Cloud leans forward and the light goes orange. “You’re not winning this one.”

The light turns green and the stalls burst open. It was so close, neck and neck the entire way, but ultimately, I lose.

“I’m beginning to think you’re cheating,” I say, following the winner from the stables.

“You’re just mad you owe me a favor.”

“Speaking of which, when is that happening?” We head for the food court.

“Dunno. Think I’ll hold off for a while, save it for when I really need something.” Smug, mischievous; perhaps we really did corrupt our innocent Cloud.

“Now that’s just rude.”

I pay for dinner as promised and we stroll for awhile until Cloud decides on our next attraction: the gondola. The hanging craft seems popular this time of night but we eventually board. I pat the seat beside me which he takes.

“Hey, picture!” I blurt out, holding up my phone. Cloud doesn’t get a chance to figure out what I said by the time I snap the picture, giving an adorable, innocent face. “Nice.”

“You didn’t give me any warning,” he protests, only to be met with laughter.

“Well I like it. I think I’ll have a copy printed.”

“I wish you wouldn’t.” The scenery of the glowing Gold Saucer is beautiful and we watch in silence until he speaks again. “Did you…notice anything weird this morning?”

Of course I think about our morning cuddle, but he thinks I didn’t notice and I don’t know if I’m prepared for that level of flustered Cloud, or flustered me.

“No. Why?”

“Uh, nothing. I must’ve dreamt it.”

Not exactly.

A loud boom goes off and I flinch, prepared for a fight. I’m filled with dismay when Cloud laughs, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“Calm down. It’s just fireworks.”

“O-Oh. Right.” A hand nervously sifts through my hair before hiding my face against it. As the firework show goes, I think about just how amazing today has been; I need to give Zack my thanks for this later.

“You okay?”

I peer up at him, once again captured in the depths of his eyes. But I look away before I can be pulled in. “Yeah. Thanks for coming with me. I think this is the best birthday I’ve ever had.”

“Birthday?! Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?”

I shrug. “It just didn’t seem important. I preferred remember this as a great day with a great person rather than the day I was born. Honestly, I’d probably be working if Zack hadn’t stuck his nose in my business. I’d be pissed that he ditched me if he hadn’t sent a better replacement.”

Cloud’s voice, soft and warm, is right by my ear. “I’m glad you had fun then.”

I don’t really think about it, but I lean against Cloud. “I really did. Thank you.”

The firework show continues and eventually slips from my mind. My thoughts venture down the rabbit hole, coming up with bolder and bolder ideas until I drag my gaze back to Cloud. I didn’t expect him to be so close and hesitate. The pink dancing across his nose and I can tell he’s unsure as well. Steeling my nerves, I turn towards him, slipping a hand onto his chest. By the fabric of his shirt, I pull him closer, feeling his heart pound beneath my fist.

“H-Hey.” His voice is barely above a whisper. “What are we doing?” Despite the question, it’s clear he knows.

I’m not much louder. “You stupid chocobo.”

His lips are softer than I imagined with a slight chill from the night air. He doesn’t pull away, but seems hesitant. I give him several brief kisses, practically begging him for something. He takes it, that hand moving from my shoulder to my lower back to pull me in and kissing back. It’s naïve, like this is his first kiss but he’s as eager as a starving man. I always thought maybe I was the wolf in this relationship; maybe I was wrong, not that it matters. He’s got no idea just how much of a mess I am inside, but I’m in love. In love with someone so kind and genuine that I never had a chance.

Breaking away, I stay close, trying to rein in my breath, my heart, everything.

“Are you okay?” he asks, breathing just as heavily.

A breathy laugh escapes me. “Never better.”

“Good.” His lips to my forehead don’t exactly help. “Now did you call me a stupid chocobo?”

“Yeah you dumb bird,” I reply, leaning back to get a better look at his face when I tell him, “And no, you did not dream what happened this morning. You were spooning me.”

His eyes go wide and his entire body tenses.

I pinch his cheeks. “And here I thought you’d be little spoon.”

“I can’t help I move in my sleep!” He swats my hands away.

Giggling, I slip my hands into his hair and pull his face closer. “I liked it, almost as much as I like you.”

Another one of those breath-taking smiles appears. “I like you too…a lot.”

I’m definitely going to have to thank Zack for the best birthday ever.

#cloud x reader #innocent baby cloud #cloud strife x reader #ffvii cloud #cloud strife #fem!reader

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