#year ago. because they no longer loved me after i fucking stood up for myself. it's hard

[lightningfilledsaber]

I can and will make everything about being trans

[surielstea]

Adoration | Drabble

Based on this request.

Pairing: Cassian x Fem!Reader

Summary: Cass comforts reader who is struggling with her reflection after giving birth.

Warnings: Body image issues | fluff

1k words

A/N: YOU GUYS ARE ALL SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL AND ANYONE WHO SAYS DIFFERENT CAN DISRESPECTFULLY FUCK OFF. (Said in a loving way) 💙💙

Finding an outfit for dinner with the Inner Circle turned out to be the most challenging task I've been given today. I stood in front of the full length mirror with a woeful frown on my face.

The navy blue dress I wore was beautiful on the hanger but on me it just, wasn't right. I couldn't place exactly what it was about me but I couldn't find it in myself to feel pretty anymore. The material sat wrong on my skin and the color washed my complexion out. I felt mediocre, at best.

"Mother spare me." My mate voices from the doorway and I startled, flicking my eyes to him in the mirror and crossing my arms over my chest.

"I know, I should change." I mumble, thinking it stupid of me for even attempting to wear something so bold.

"What— why would you change?" He creases his dark brows, clearly confused. I turn to him, letting my arms fall to my sides.

"I look bad." I shrug and he blinks, gazing at me like I'm insane.

"You? Look bad?" He asked as if the idea was preposterous, his tone utterly aghast.

"Yeah." I sigh and walk over to the armoire, opening the doors of the wardrobe.

"Sweetheart, you're the most beautiful female I've ever seen." He walks further into the bedroom, our daughter cooing in her crib as he passed by her.

"You're only saying that because I'm your mate." I grumble, shuffling through the racks of clothing I no longer had any confidence to wear.

"No, before we were even mated I thought the same." He argues and I swivel, looking straight up at him.

"That was before I had Ellia." I gesture towards the crib beside me. His eyes go wide in shock and he glances towards the babbling babe then back to me, hazel now full of pure warmth.

"That only makes you more beautiful," His expression softens as he brings his large calloused hands up to my cheeks. "You look just like her, that's more than I could've asked for." He utters, his thumbs stroking the sides of my cheeks.

"It's not about my face." I murmur, crossing my arms over my torso again.

"What? Your body?" He arches a brow. I give a slight dip of my head. "My love, I'd never want to invalidate how you feel but, c'mon, this is foolish." His hands leave my cheeks and go to my shoulders, running down my arms and dipping to my hips. "Ive seen you decapitate men twice my size, you're the last Valkyrie standing and you're letting this get you down?" He tilts his head and I tear my gaze from his, turning back around toward the clothes.

"I know, It's dumb." I huff, finally finding an all black dress that wasn't tight in any unflattering places.

"It's not dumb, I'm sorry," he wraps his arms around my waist, my back flush against his chest. "You birthed a living child less than a month ago, do you know how much I admire you because of that?" He asks and I can't help but melt into his warmth. "The fact you can think so lowly of yourself is insanity, you're the most beautiful female I've ever seen." He reiterates, his strong arms tightening around me. "I love you, okay?" He hums into my hair and I nod.

"I love you too." My hands rest on his, running my thumb over a small scar on the back of his palm. He presses a hard kiss to my temple and he takes the black dress from my hold, hanging it back up on the rack. "Leave this on." His hands drift down to my hips. "I want to take it off of you later." He hums, pressing his lips to the side of my jaw and I roll eyes at the comment.

"You're ridiculous." I shake my head, but close the doors of the armoire anyways and let him have what he wants.

"Conceiving another child could take years, I want Ellia to have a sibling." He shrugs and I scoff turning to look up at him.

"You're a very dedicated male." I rise onto the tips of my toes to peck his lips. "And also forgetful that we can't do whatever we want anymore." I intone, bending down over the edge of the crib and picking the murmuring babe up. She wore a frilly dark red dress, matching her father's siphons.

"I can find a babysitter, maybe Az is free..." He wonders absentmindedly and I giggle. "We've both learned from experience that Az isn't a very good chaperone." I croon, rocking the child in my arms. "No, uncle Az isn't good at watching people is he my sweet?" I coo at Ellia in a high-pitched voice and she reaches towards me, her small fist clenching, trying to grab my nose. I smile and kiss her forehead.

I look back up to Cassian and he's staring at me like I hung every star in the night sky, pure adoration and devotion in those swirling hazel eyes, staring at the two most important people in his life. "Thank you Cassian." I speak lightly. His eyes flick down to the child in my arms then back up to me.

"Don't ever thank me." He shakes his head, taking the girl from my arms as I pass her to him. She was so much smaller in his grasp, she made him look like an absolute giant. "And you, my heart," He kisses his daughter on the cheek, a wide smile spreads over her lips. "You don't even thank me for anything either." He hums, matching her cheeky grin.

"C'mon, we're going to be late." I say, wrapping my arm around his bicep. "Fine with me," He purrs, leaning down and kissing up my jaw. "Cass, Rhys will kill me if we don't show up again." I playfully punch his abdomen and he backs away.

"Alright fine." He sighs, readjusting the child to be held in one arm so he can intertwine his freehand with mine. "But we're only staying for dinner. I was serious about that sibling thing."

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[bullet-clubs-bitch]

Can i request a Billy Gunn fic with some NSFW? Possibly he and reader were old friends when he worked for WWE but they reconnect after a long time and get close to each other again and maybe a wrestler cuts a promo on him and says something about y/n and he snaps and kinda confesses his feelings he has for her.

Old Flame

An: This ended up to be way longer than I thought it would be. I decided to play a different route with this request

Summary: Billy and Y/n "dated" (really just sex) a while ago and Billy hates how he let Y/n slip through his fingers all those years ago because he was afraid of commitment. What happens when she shows up in AEW and he relies he still loves her.

Word count: 2K

Warnings: SMUT (18+) Billy Gunn X Female reader, Mentions of Sex and sexual acts, mentions of alcohol and spiked drinks, 18+ themes

Main Masterlist Billy Gunn Masterlist Part 2 Part 3

I had mixed feelings about having Y/n in AEW, sure it was great to see her after all these years but it was strange since how much we had both changed. I remember when I first saw Y/n after all our years apart. I was backstage at dynamite when I saw her, jokingly said to my sons “That chick over there looks like Y/n” and once she turned around I noticed it was indeed her. I felt my stomach drop. She looked different, older, well of course she looked older we were both way older now but she aged like fine wine, still gorgeous as ever. When I asked what she was doing backstage at Dynamite she explained that she was there to help the young talent in the women's division, along with teaching her daughter how to wrestle. I was happy for her but for some reason I was nervous.

The first few weeks went by fast and I barely ran into Y/n which I was secretly grateful for. That was until my sons, The Gunns joined bullet club gold. Although we didn’t work on screen together at the end of the day they were still my children. I guess the boys did some digging and found out about the little fling Y/n and I had all those years ago. I tried to explain to them that it was years ago, way before they were even born, for them to leave it alone, but they knew I obviously wasn’t over it since I had been practically avoiding Y/n. The boys thought it would be funny to ask Y/n to train them even though I already taught them everything they needed to know. So here I am sitting across the ring from the woman I let slip through my fingers years ago. 

“So Y/n, I heard you and my dad used to date back in the day” Austin said. I store daggers at him, but he didn’t care, instead he gave me a smirk, wanting to see how far he could push me before I broke. 

“I wouldn't say we dated necessarily” Y/n said, as she corrected Colten’s grip, making the choke he was practicing on his brother more effective. “Sure we went out on a few dates but we didn’t date. Your father didn’t want to commit to a relationship” Her words stung, the story she told had no effect on her but I still hated myself for it even if it was 30 years ago. “So you guys were just fuck buddies then?” Colten asked. “COLTEN!-” I yelled but Y/n cut me off. “I guess you could say that, but your father was a gentleman and always bought me dinner first” 

To say I was embarrassed would be an understatement. I was just about to leave when Y/n called out “Come on Billy, don’t be such a baby. They are just messing with you” I continued to walk pretending not to hear her, she came up to me and grabbed my arm, forcing me to turn and look at her. As I towered over her, I felt like I had gone back in time. Back to the time where I fucked everything up years ago. 

****

“Y/n I’m sorry!” I yelled out to the poor girl who stood beneath me with tears in her eyes. “I should have known you were only using me to get your dick wet” She yelled back, her words laced with venom. I knew it was only a matter of time before she would ask to be more than whatever it was we had going on but the truth was I was so scared to mess things up between us I didn’t even realize the hole I dug myself into until it was too late. I was trying to protect her but instead I hurt her. 

This little buddy system started a few months ago when a very drunk Y/n admitted that no guy she had been with had made her cum. One day after a PPV we all went out for drinks when Y/n’s got spiked, luckily for her it wasn’t too bad but boy did she say some crazy things. 

Being a good friend I took her back to my hotel room before she could embarrass herself too much and she ended up passing out right as we stepped foot in the room. Carefully I placed her on the bed and removed her shoes before tucking her under the covers. 

When she came to, she was confused. “Did we fuck?” was the first thing she asked me, noticing she was in my bed. “No, but you wanted to” I told her, Y/n looked at me confused. “Someone spiked your drink at the bar. I took you back to my hotel room to keep you from embarrassing yourself” I told her truthfully. “Oh god, what did I say?” “Nothing much, just that you have never had an orgasm before” “Great” “Don’t worry, I'm sure I can help you with that problem” I told her with a smirk.

I couldn't deny the effect she had on me, she was perfect in every way. Seeing her in my bed didn’t help my crush on her. As we made our way back to the hotel she kept rambling about random things and even suggested that we sleep together. I knew that wasn’t her talking, she was drugged and wouldn't remember a thing in the morning. Even though I liked her, no way would I take advantage of her in such a state. I wanted to get with her when she was fully sober, wanting to have something real not just an impulsive booty call or being so fucked up we woudn’t remember anything in the morning. 

So I waited until the time was right. I sat in my private locker room fantasizing about Y/n when I heard someone knocking at my door. “Who is it?” I yelled through the door. To my surprise it was Y/n herself. “It’s me! Are you almost ready to go?” She asked me “Yeah, just give me a minute!” I said before opening the door to let her inside. When I opened the door I saw the shocked look on her face. “Well someones excited to see me,” she said as she looked me up and down. I was confused for a second until I looked down noticing I was fully hard. “Shit!” I could feel my face get red. “Don’t worry, it happens to everyone. You don’t have to be embarrassed” She told me reassuringly. I quickly grabbed all my things, changing the subject. “Do you want to get room service tonight instead? I don’t really feel like going out tonight.” 

The two of us sat in my hotel room in silence. Y/n was first to break the silence. “Does it hurt?” She asked, referring to my still hard cock. “It doesn’t hurt, just uncomfortable” I told her, the effect she had on me still being shown. “Do you want help with it?” I almost choked when the words came out of her mouth. “What?” I asked in disbelief. “Do you want some help with that?” She repeated as she got up from her seat, deciding to sit on my lap. “We could help each other out?” I couldn't believe what I was hearing. 

Everything happened so fast, before I knew it we were tangled in each other, frantically taking off  the others clothes fighting for dominance. “You have no idea how long I have wanted this,” I told Y/n. I could tell by the look on her face she was shocked by my size. “Don’t worry I’ll take good care of you” I told her reassuringly. I wanted to take my time with Y/n. I placed delicate kisses down her body before settling between her thighs. Kissing and sucking her inner thighs before inserting myself in her. I started with slow thrusts, trying to keep my promise of being gentile but she just felt so good, I needed to feel more, I needed to make her cum, I needed to make her have an orgasm so good, she could never be with anyone else, and that’s exactly what I did. My thrusts were hard, the grip I had on her hips as I pounded into her would bruise but neither of us cared. The two of us a moaning mess, my ears where filled with praises that left her lips. “Fuck, you feel so good, you fill me up so good” I could tell by the way she fluttered around me her words were true. “Fuck Y/n” I called out. I could feel she was close. “That’s it baby” I praised “Right there, You're close. Just relax baby. I need you to relax for me, don’t fight it” I told her as I continued my assault on her pussy. I reached my hand between us to play with her clit. That put her over the edge. “That’s it baby, I got you, let it out, let it all out” I told her as I continued to fuck her through her orgasm before I pulled out, cumming all over her chest. 

That became our routine. After shows we would either go out for dinner or order room service then have some crazy sex. As the weeks went past I found myself falling in love with Y/n and it terrified me. I was scared I was going to hurt her so I pushed myself away. I didn’t even realize it but I had become distant with her. Looking back on it I was kind of a jerk, I was never one for aftercare but with Y/n it was different, I almost found it better than sex, it was more intimate. That was why I fell in love, so, I became distant after sex, I acted like I didn’t care but I cared too much. When she asked what changed I avoided the question, when she asked to be more than just sex I turned it down without thinking. By the time I realized what I did it was too late. 

“I’m  Sorry Y/n!”  I yelled out to the poor girl who stood beneath me with tears in her eyes. “I should have known you were only using me to get your dick wet” She yelled back, her words laced with venom. I knew I fucked up. “Y/n wait! I didn’t mean it.” I yelled but It was too late. She was already grabbing her clothes that were scattered around the room and left before saying “And to think I was in love with you” 

****

Since that day at the training facility I couldn't get Y/n out of my head. She was all I thought about 24/7. That day replaying over and over again. But tonight I had a Trois match with the acclaimed against top flight and action andretti and I knew I needed to focus on the match, not Y/n. The match went well, another successful title defense until we were interrupted by bullet club gold. Austin and Colton were obviously still not over how I picked the acclaimed over them, the two of them alongside Juice Robinson requesting a title shot. I was going to say no until they brought up Y/n. “Of course you would say no Billy. I’m honestly shocked you are still with the acclaimed, I know how you are with commitment. I mean you let the love of your life slip through your fingers because you were scared of commitment. I wonder what Y/n would think if she knew you still beat yourself up about it 30 years later. Now you are all alone, still wrestling when you should be retired because you have no one to go home to”  Their words stung but they were true “You want a title shot? FINE, Next week Bullet Club Gold Vs The Acclaimed and Daddy Ass!” I yelled back at them! 

I sure hope Y/n didn’t hear any of that. 

[lovelywritinglady]

Forgiveness pt.1

Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Reader is a victim of the Winter Soldier. When Bucky finds her to apologize, she tries to shoot him thinking he’s still the Winter Soldier. Angst, fluff, mentors of violence and blood, Bucky spills his heart out to you. Takes place during Falcon And The Winter Soldier.

Ten years ago...

Shots rung through the alleyway, a man now was dead. As a man with a sliver metal arm stood above him with an expressionless face. He turned around to leave the alleyway only to notice a girl standing there in absolute horror. Y/N was frozen with fear and only came to her senses when the man began to walk closer to her. She screamed and began running from him. However, he caught up with her shooting her in the leg. She fell down hard as her face hit the sidewalk as the blood began to pour from her fractured nose. He came towards her and began punching her face, stomach, and pressing his foot on her injury. Her screamed echoed through the night. He looked down at her with the same expression as the man he killed. She knew this was where she was going to die. Until a bright light cascaded on their bodies, blinding the man standing before her. She saw his face, from his blue eyes, and blood splattered face. If she wasn't being murdered right now she'd think this man was handsome. He then ran back into the alleyway and somehow disappeared. Y/N cried not just from her injuries, but from the sweet relief that her life might last a little bit longer. A police officer kneeled down towards her asking her questions, but she couldn't respond still coming down from the adrenaline rush she just had. She knew that if she ever saw that man with the silver arm again, she would be ready to face him.

Bucky's Pov

Apologizing has been one of the hardest things I've needed to do. Looking into the eyes of my victims or their loved ones makes me feel a guilt that is all consuming. My therapist suggested that this was a good idea, but it sure as hell doesn't feel that way. I'd rather just send them a letter and a gift basket, but I know these people deserve much better than that. I was near done with my list, as I just talked to two of the last three on my list. Their tears and screams will keep me up at night for the rest of my life. Part of me thought that I deserve it, but at the same time it wasn't me who killed or hurt those people, it was The Winter Soldier.

The sun was beginning to set in the sky as the chill of the coming night began to fill the air. Walking up to the apartment building, I took a deep breath trying to calm myself. I really hurt his girl, and I could understand if she could never forgive me, I certinaly wouldn't. Her name was Y/n L/N.As I got to her apartment I hesitated knocking on her door. What I did to her was pure evil and from what I've heard about her is that she's had to go through years of therapy because of it. Taking a leap of faith, I knocked on the door. After a couple of seconds, I heard footsteps and then the door opened slightly reveling her. She was beautiful, her hair was a lovely h/c, her eyes looked tired and I was guessed she was going to bed. Her face was laced with confusion before quickly changing into horror.

"Get the hell away from me." She snaped

"Please I'm not him anymore." I pleated

"You're a fucking liar!" She cried running quickly into her kitchen grabbling a gun from under her sink. She then pointed the gun at me and fired, which bounced off my metal hand that I used to protect myself.

"Y/N, please just hear me out. I'm not him anymore!?" I shouted raising my hand in the air.

"Why in the hell would I do that?" She yelled

"Look I don't know. All I know is that I hurt you in horrible ways and I'm so sorry that I did." I said softly looking into her eyes.

"I nearly died because of you. And you came to apologize?" She questioned still pointing the gun at me.

"You're right, I promise after I'm done you will never see me again." I promised her lowering my hands.

"Fine, you have two minutes and if you're not out by then I will shoot you in the fucking head. Do you understand?" She said sternly

"Yes, I understand." I responded lowering my hands

"Stay standing and don't make any sudden movements." She ordered lowering her gun but still holding it.

"You got it." I said

"Talk." she ordered

"I know that I hurt you and I came here to say sorry. I'm not that monster anymore and I can assure you that he's dead. He will never hurt you or anyone else again. He was a tool for H.Y.D.R.A and I had no say in what I did. They brainwashed me and forced my body to kill innocent people. I'm not trying to condone my actions, I'm just trying to explain. " I calmly said trying not to make her more scared. Her eyes seemed to soften a little.

"Do you remember everything?" She questioned

"Yes, I remember all of them. Every single person, from their cries, to the sound of their blood hitting the ground. I remember how it felt to kill them and how little I cared. I never want to be like that again, and I've gone through a lot to make sure that I don't." I said tears prickling my eyes.

"So what's your real name then?" she questioned hesitantly

"James Buchanan Barnes, but my friends call me Bucky." I told her with a slight smile.

"Good name, hell of a lot better than The Winter Soldier." She joked hesitantly

"Yeah." I chucked

"So you weren't the one doing all of that, are you sure?" she questioned placing the gun on the counter to her right.

"No I wasn't, I would never have hurt you, I promise." I reassured giving her a smile.

"I still can't forgive you." She admitted

"I know and I don't expect you to. What I did, what he did, was unforgivable." I stated sadly. "I should go, thank you for your time."

"Yeah, no problem." she said softly

"See you around." I said turning around to leave her nice apartment.

"Wait, can I have your number? Not for anything like that or whatever, but if I do forgive you, I'd like to let you know." She cried out getting my attention with her phone in hand.

"Sure, I'd love to." I smiled at her grabbing her phone and putting my number in. After I did, I put 'Bucky' as my name in her contacts, hoping she wouldn't mind.

"Thanks." She whispered

"Have a goodnight." I whispered looking into her eyes

"You too, stay outta trouble." She joked

"You too." I laughed leaving her apartment. I left feeling satisfied with what I had accomplished yet still hoping one day she can forgive me.

Three months later...

Sam and I decided to head to his favorite bar in his hometown. We were laughing and telling good stories from our pasts. Today we fixed his family's boat and decided to celebrate with a couple of drinks. I was on my third beer when all of the sudden my phone vibrated. Curiously, I looked down only to be texted by someone I honestly thought I'd never hear from. Tears ran down my face as I read the simple but important message.

'I forgive you'

Thank you so much for reading! This is the first Marvel fic I’ve written. Should I do a part 2?

Requests, comments, and reblogs are welcome.

Click here to see what I’ll write for and HERE for my master list.

•I do NOT own any characters except y/n•

-L.W.L

(Part 1)(Part 2)

[msookyspooky]

Terrible Trilogy

Part 25 pt 2

wordcount: 7,563

    Billy was the first to make a move. "...You know what? Screw this. I can't listen to this shit anymore. If I stay here any longer, I'm going to kill both of you and possibly myself at this point." He marched out the best he could, clearly forcing his leg to walk normally to save his already wounded ego. You watched him walk out, down the hall towards the back door before you heard it slam shut.

You stood there, lost for words because…In a way; maybe there was some truth to it all? You reasoned you just didn't want anyone dying unless you had to…But after this…Even you knew you could have gotten at least one head shot in when Stu peaked around the corner earlier to talk you down from shooting them.

Stu released a long exhale from his nose as he stared at you. You both stood there in silence before he spoke up. "You know…I understand why you never want to see me again. I fucked up. You just started trusting me and I scared you. I mean, yeah, it sucks you told that Detective everything. I mean, it's really screwed up man, especially considering what you did years ago but…" He sighed and ran a hand over his neck. "I don't know. I'm pissed but I'm just as pissed off at myself as I am you…I just know that I'm not the only one that feels like this and I'm sick of hearing you don't. I can't be the only one that gives a shit because you spared my life and freedom as much as I spared yours. I need you. Okay, I need you more than you need me apparently. Got it. But I think you secretly at least want to tolerate me too." He offered a slight hopeful smirk that wavered when he saw you wouldn't spare him a glance.

You didn't answer, rolling your tongue inside your cheek and looking away. Stu continued. "I…I'm…Oh shit. God, man, I'm sorry!" He exclaimed while thrusting out his arms before letting them fall to his sides. "You want me to say two words despite my pride? I will. I'm sorry for telling you I was trying to kill Randy. We all were thinking about it! Was I supposed to not name him as a suspect when everything at the time pointed directly to him?" 

You stayed silent and it seemed to eat at him as he sighed dramatically and uttered." Okay fine…Maybe I am a little… Threatened….  Peeved that you have the relationship you do with him. Do you have any idea what it's like to give your best to someone and they still pick someone that just exists over you? I know what I did and what I am but come on. Haven't I proven I changed? Is one slip up enough to cut me off forever?…And he felt like the obvious killer at the time…What more can I do?" 

You slowly looked back at him as he frowned. "Please…YN…I lost it. You want to know what changed? Why can't I kill you no matter how much I should? The threat of you actually being dead changed that. I'm not speaking for happy boy out there but when I saw you lying there, some guy with a gun over your dead body, heard you scream as he shot you…God baby, I thought you died." He visibly looked in pain. Brows up, mouth stretched back and eyes focused on you. His voice softened. "I thought the one girl I love was dead. I never want to feel like that again. I can't. I'll get caught because I'll lose my fucking mind…So I don't know about Billy but you have my word; no matter what I'm never going to make you a target again. I won't. And I'll kill Billy before he ever hurts you. No one's laying a finger on you." 

"...Yeah, but what about my family? Or my friends? Not to mention, can you honestly say you'll never lose your temper and almost kill me ever again? What if Billy wasn't there, would you have stopped yourself? Can you really give your word you won't hurt someone I care about as revenge for something I said or did? Because I don't think you can…Stu, you betrayed whatever trust I was starting to have for you." 

You stared at him, eyes flicking over his face to see if he was being genuine or not as you spoke. He went to step towards you and you instinctively took a step back. He paused mid step before staying in place. He frowned deeply before muttering in a heavy voice. "If you never want to see me again…I guess I'll leave. What more can I freaking do? It'll be like I never existed. Is that what you want?" He demanded. 

You thought long and hard before slightly nodding your head to yourself. "...I think that's for the best."

 

Stu's eyes widened in surprise before he crumbled. His blue eyes seemed brighter as he rolled his lips and looked down with his own nod, hand on his hip as he said. "Okay…Um…Okay. Got it. " He looked up at your ceiling blinking as you bit your lip before speaking. 

You unconsciously held yourself for comfort. Damning yourself for feeling bad. "...Do you think Ghostface will be back? That someone else will put on that mask and try to do what you and Billy did?" 

Stu didn't look at you, voice flat and heavy as he shrugged. "Probably…I don't know." 

You damn yourself but his words repeated in your head mingled with your own thoughts…It would never stop. You three were entangled whether you liked it or not. You and Randy would have never talked after High School had it not been for the Woodsboro murders; Hell, if it wasn't for Mrs. Loomis, you might not have ever spoken again after you moved away and he blamed you for Sidney's death. If it wasn't for Ghostface, Dewey and Gale both may not have been in your life either for the good or bad. Why would Billy and Stu be any different? Actually,  they were more entangled with you with the huge secret than even Randy or Dewey were as other survivors. It didn't mean you needed to like them or hang out with them or be near them…But you didn't need something like this happening again either. 

"Okay. This is what we're doing." You monotoned as you walked over to a notebook and pen on your side table. You sniffed and wiped your eyes before writing down a phone number."I don't want you on my property or hanging out with me ever again. I'm serious. I may only kill you if you give me no choice but bombarding my home unannounced like you did tonight might be that choice." You tore off the page and walked over to him as he looked perplexed. "So, I'm giving you this number just in case of Ghostface happening again. You list me as a different name or memorize this number. Nothing to lead back to me in anyway. That's the deal. And if Ghostface calls in that voice? You'll be my prime suspect because hardly no one has this number." 

Stu scoffed. "Oh, of course me not-" 

"Randy or Dewey?...I hate to ever admit I agree with anything from you but you're right. After Neil, the killer could be anyone. You just have more suspicion your way for obvious reasons." 

"So…No talking or texting? Not even to just make sure we're okay or something?" He asked, frowning as he took the paper and already knew the answer.

You gave him a sad, tight lipped smile as you remembered what you told him when he left your house to go back to his motel before this all happened …But time changes things; especially after what you had been through. "No, I think that will open a door and we'll be back to where we started. This is what I want, Stu." 

He stared down at you and you were surprised to see the raw emotion in his eyes. You stared up at him as he shook his head with tears springing up. "YN, please…You're all I have. I'm not asking to come over or hang out but I can't call you ever again? I can't talk to you ever?" 

You gave a slight huff seeing he definitely wasn't serious about 'leaving you alone forever.' You sucked in a deep breath and shook your head. "No, Stu." 

His lips rolled together as he frowned. It soon turned to a scowl and you instinctively felt nervous as he moved. Shoving past you before he walked over and grabbed the notebook and pen on the table. Right near your gun in its lockbox.

"Stu, what are you doing?-" 

"Giving my number." He furiously wrote it before smacking the pen down on the table. "You know, just in case you change your mind. Incase Dewey is so up Gale's narrow little ass he doesn't think you exist or Randy gets a girl as dorky as he is and suddenly she tells him he can't hang out with you anymore because you're too close." He stood back up to his full height. Eyes glossy as he held a defiant glare.

"They wouldn't…" You didn't finish your sentence as even you knew either one; with Randy so obsessed with the 'geek getting a girl' narrative and Dewey so whipped for Gale was a possibility… Or God forbid if they found out the truth. You swallowed as Stu huffed with a humorless smirk. You both stayed in place, his glare barring down on you before he spoke.

 "I'll give you what you want, YN. I'll leave you alone but just know the day you wake up and realize I'm here, it's me, it's always been me…Here's my digits." He started walking away. " If I change my number; I'll call you and only for that." 

You stopped him. "Wait…I'm gonna go unlock the garage…I want to make sure you both leave." You went to a coat closet and got out an old trench coat to put on to keep yourself warm and dry enough. You paused before getting your gun back out of its lockbox just in case and heading out into the pouring rain before hesitating. You turned to him at the door. "Hey…Before I get the door unlocked; If you want to say bye to Cherri; she's in my room. Want to see her?" 

He nodded as you went to go check on your dog with him following. It had been at least 10 to 15 minutes of her barking and worried about you.

The second you opened the door; she barreled past you to snap her teeth at Stu who nearly jumped against the wall. She barked viciously at him before you yelled at her to heel. She kept barking and trying to pin him to the wall until you snapped at her a second time to back down. She did, eyeing Stu with her neck raised as you saw the inside of your door destroyed and a bit of blood on the wood.

Stu breathed heavily, his frame against the wall as he eyed your dog. 

"Oh Cherri…Let me see." You went to her, bending down to lift her paws and see she had a tiny cut on her front foot from digging at the splintering wood. "Oh, poor baby. You hurt your paw." 

"Yeah, poor baby." He muttered sarcastically as she watched him.

You sighed and petted her head. "I'll have to check it when you guys leave." 

"I-I can help." Stu gave, catching his breath and eyeing Cherri. Swallowing hard and easing away from your wall.

"There's not much to do but clean it. She probably won't allow a bandage…And she doesn't trust you." 

You saw him falter at that before relaxing. "It-It's alright." He took a swallow before easing the tension in his body and getting away from the wall completely. "My dog once had a huge gash on the pad we had to doctor up. Her's isn't nearly as bad so…I can help. I'll just have to gain her trust again." 

He stared at you while he said that as you looked away. You hesitated, not fully trusting him with your dog aka the only one you had out here by your lonesome self…But you nodded as he reached his hand out to her.

She hesitated, sniffing the back of his hand from a distance. Dark eyes never leaving him to see if he was a threat or not but he warily reached out to gently pet her head and she allowed it. You saw Stu smile down at her with a relief of air blowing past his lips as he bent down to pet her face to face. "You're alright, doggie. Just a lil cut is all. I get those every weekend. At least yours doesn't need stitches or antibiotics…My immune systems pretty fucked by now. Then again, maybe those Flintstone gummies our Mom's demanded we eat made our systems freaking nuclear or something?" 

He chuckled to himself as he ruffled her fur near her neck before giving you a hopeful look. His blue eyes still glossy from earlier as you felt an uncomfortable feeling want to creep up. Stu was charming, beyond charming. It was easy for him to sucker you in and you forced yourself to remember the feral look in his eyes as he held a gun up to your face the week before.

Just like that, the allure was gone as you turned to go to the bathroom. You grabbed some neosporin, a gauze and a bandage and came back to Stu still crouched down with her. 

"I highly doubt she won't chew this off but we'll try it…" 

Stu took the supplies from you and motioned to outside. "Do us both a favor. Go tell asshole we're busy before he throws a babyfit. You can just stand on the porch and yell at him if you want to." 

"Are you sure? She might bite you, Stu. I'm serious. Just pet her till I get back, okay?" 

He smiled sadly at her. "Fine, but even if she did, it'll be a souvenir if she does…Might never see her again." 

You wanted to scold him or point out a guilt trip would get him nowhere but you relented. You honestly just shook your head and readjusted your loaded gun on purpose in front of him. "Okay, wish me luck…Both of you be nice." 

Stu barely rolled his eyes and you went to pet Cherri and tell her it was okay as you saw her relax more. You watched a moment to see her licking his face as he chuckled. You felt your chest ache because for whatever reason; Cherri did like Stu. She loved everybody but Stu babied her like no one else. However, even if she was a good judge of character in the moment, she was a dog. She was blissfully unaware of who and what Stu was; An unhinged murderer. 

You forced yourself to walk out onto your back porch, slipping on an easy pair of shoes to go out in. Eyebrows scrunched in confusion when you didn't see Billy just right on the porch smoking a cigarette like you expected of him. An uneasiness rose up from your stomach as you put a hand on your gun in its holster in the pocket of your coat. Definitely not ideal but you didn't have the time to go get your belt. At least it was in its holster.

You eased around the side of your wrap around porch. Rain pouring down but lightning only seen in the distance. You eased your head out, fingers on your guns handle but looked confused when you didn't see him. You instinctively jerked around, hand still on your gun. You expected him to be behind you but…He wasn't. He wasn't on the porch. 

You put your gun in your hand, cautious of WHY he wasn't on the porch. Did he leave? Was he in the house still bullshitting you so he could attack you? Was he planning something? 

You creeped to your front porch; eyes scanning as your knees bent to run or dodge anything he had for you…He wasn't around front either. You saw something in your yard in the pouring rain. Your eyes widened as you saw him. Pacing the yard with his hair and clothes more soaked then they already were. Hands running over his head as he talked to himself. You could see from here the distraught look on his face…You almost called out to him that you were going back in but something stopped you. You watched him for a moment as you gently put your gun back in your coat pocket. It was a far cry from the sarcastic, intimidating, controlling Billy you had gotten used to. An even farther cry from the responsible, quiet but sweet Billy he portrayed himself as at Woodsboro…But the more you thought of it; this Billy pacing your yard was the closest thing to your friend you remembered. Especially on the off hand occasion when you did catch him off guard and he complained about his Dad or Sidney or ALMOST his Mom on one occasion before promptly telling you to change the subject.

'If only you knew the demons in his head he dealt with were really just him.' You bitterly thought, wanting to just turn around and leave him out there. But then you saw him slump against a nearby tree. Releasing a small yell as he smacked the trunk and stared up at your utility light. You saw his brows turned up and his teeth clenched as he was lost in his own thoughts. Thoughts you knew had to do with you and not killing you. 

You stared for a long moment; considering your options before deciding to just confront this. You wish you had an umbrella but all things considered; being drenched in rain water at your own house was the least of your worries. You had your own questions and you were getting answers before Billy ran off and god knows if you'd ever see him again; Ghostface threat that wasn't him or not. You descended down the stairs of your porch and had your hand in your pocket with your fingertips resting on your gun. 

He whipped around, his own hand going towards his pocket as well as he stared at you through the rain. You were a mere 10 feet from him…You could just whip out your gun and shoot him. Maybe Stu would have an issue or maybe he'd be relieved? Either way, Billy could be an example of what will happen to him too…It would be so easy to shoot him and even if you miss; hunt him down like he did Sidney and everyone else that night. Let him feel helpless like he made you feel.

You rolled your lips and got closer as he warily eyed you. He knew he was at a disadvantage with your gun in your pocket. He may have been dumb with details but he was observant enough to know what you had. Here he was, out in the open, with only a knife. On your property you knew like the back of your hand. You could just shoot him in the face and bury him in your backyard and not a soul would know nor care but Stu if you didn't kill him too. Unless digging happened, no one would know and your secret could be protected forever.

But the closer you got, you saw the redness near his irises. No matter the poker face he he gave you or how the rain soaked his face; you saw it clearly. Only seeing him like this the time you caught him by himself and he refused to tell you anything. Just shoved past you and acted like nothing happened the following day.

"What?" He snapped in a sharp tone.

You were momentarily caught off guard, the rain making you shiver slightly as you spoke." Uh…I came out here to tell you me and Stu are taking care of Cherri-" 

"Who?" He demanded with a scrunched face.

"My dog!" You yelled over the rain. "We'll be 5 minutes max and then I'll get the garage door." You eyed him. "...I can let you into the garage now if you want!" Stu had the keys after all so unless he hotwired it, it should be fine.

"I'm fine." He growled out in a haughty tone.

You shook your head, hand still in your pocket over your gun in case. "We'll, you can come back in to get out of the rain-" 

"I said, I'M FINE." He glared at you as he said it. "Now, go away. I'm done with you and every fucked up thing you drag into my life." 

You started turning around half way before whipping back around. You had the upper hand here, you were the one with the gun, you were in the open under a bright utility light cascading everything in an orange-yellow warm hue. You glared back at him and got closer.

 "Billy…Why can't you just stop being an asshole for once?" 

He cracked a sarcastic, angry smile. "Oh? Am I being an asshole, Princess? Considering you're in one piece; I'd say I'm being a pretty nice guy." 

You stared at him before shaking your head. Water dripping down your face, getting chilled and tired of his attitude towards you. "Whatever. Stay out here in the pouring rain pissed off at the world then!" 

"I will. Most of all, at YOU." He remarked, glaring at you. 

"Cool!" You gave with your own smart ass smirk his way and an A-okay hand gesture. "Have a nice fucking life." 

You went to leave when he yelled at you. "Hey!" You turned to see him push against the tree to walk towards you. His hair slicked back with how wet it was. "I don't know what you think this is with me sparing your life but it's only to save my own ass from getting caught, alright?! So save your chummy bullshit for that simp in there." 

"Sure. Whatever." You mumbled, going to turn around when he jerked you back towards him and you instantly gripped your gun, almost pulling it on him before he stared at it halfway out of your pocket then you. He raised his hand up in defense ever so slightly.

"...You gonna use that thing or just keep it as an accessory?" 

"Same goes for you and that knife." You jabbed back.

"How about you remember who I am! I could kill you-" 

You threw up your free hand. "I'm stopping you right there. I already heard this inside; I don't need to hear this again... God, at least Stu can be honest." 

"Oh, and what's Stu Macher so honest about?" He mocked.

"He told me, Billy. He told me how he felt seeing me dead on the ground. I almost died and he was honest with me that that was what made him realize he gave a shit…But believe me, I'm well aware whatever you cared about years ago is ancient history. I was never a friend, I didn't know the real you, you had a minor crush and I was just a potential sexdoll for you to fool around with and leave had your plan went correctly. You don't have to give me a long rant as to why you don't care. I already know." 

"Hey, who the fuck do you think you are to tell me how I feel or think?! Don't speak for me, ever!" 

"So, what is it then?! Why suddenly is your knife not at my throat for every minor inconvenience? Why could you choke me last week but you grabbed my shirt instead tonight? That's all I'm asking before you go! We both know you keep dodging whatever reason it really is and I want to know." You gave him an even stare. "I'm smarter than that, Billy. We both know the media finding out and the risk of getting caught is only half of it. So, what's the other half?" 

He scowled at you, his eyes burning a hole into you as the rain poured. "...I don't-"

He cut himself off as you stared back before he backed away, a slight panic in his eyes once more that you saw inside. His jaw tightened before he spat out. "I told you; it's not the right time so just drop it and head back inside before you get some fucking illness or something and die before I can kill you…Go!" He pointed to the house.

You stayed planted. "You aren't telling me what to do at my own house, Billy. You're not always in control whether you like it or not." He made a move and in turn you showed him half of your gun from your pocket just for him to walk towards you anyways. You went to raise it before he forced your arm down and stared back at you.

You glared at him, ready to kick him and shoot him if you had to…But nothing about his movements were threatening. He stared at you, seeming to want to say something. An open expression on his face rather than a glare.

You stared back at him and whispered. "You can't even control when I die. Why does my death have to be from you and only you? Answer that one for me. Isn't dead just dead? Weren't you happy to see me dead on the ground?" 

He stared back, brows furrowed as he leaned in to whisper back. His dark eyes watching you intently,  going back and forth in thought before said what was so heavily on his mind. "No…Because…I decided if I couldn't have you alive before you did what you did then I'd at least be the one to kill you…No one is taking the satisfaction away from me of finally watching that light leave your eyes. And your blood will be on my blade and only mine…You got that?" 

Your eyes widened considerably at the admission before he shoved you away from himself. "Now get out of here. I'm done talking to you, to him-" He pointed to the house. "-And this entire fucked up situation…I'm coming for you one day, YN. When you least expect it. That's all you need to know. And for the record; no one you love is safe from me. I will make sure to save you dead last." 

You didn't know what he expected of you but you couldn't help the dark chuckle escaping you as you fully put your gun back in your pocket. Clothes sticking to you with how wet they were. 

He snarled in your direction before his features dropped as you spoke. "Ha, well!" You smiled a cold smile his way. "When that day comes, you know, the day you go back to being the guy I fought at Stu's that night; I hope you know I'll have a modest yet oddly human sized pond dug out back there. Might start tomorrow…. It'll be unfinished and I'm just going to decide halfway through to put all the dirt back and put a cement laid gazebo there instead. No one comes here. No one knows you exist…At least you'll have a burial plot in a sense. Mark deserves a plot, Sidney deserves a plot…Honestly,  it's more kindness than you deserve. If I really was like you and Stu; I'd just dump you at a landfill." He watched you with a strange emotion as you lost the smile and shook your head at him. "Just because I might not want to kill you either doesn't mean I won't protect myself or my loved ones…The choice will be made by you." 

You both stared at one another before you realized he wasn't going to ever give you a real reason. And maybe his logic really was the reason? Either way, you decided you had enough of the rain and him. "Goodbye, Billy." 

With that, you left and made sure to be aware if he decided to try and attack you but he didn't. He just stood there in the rain watching you go.

Despite it all, the second you turned around you felt an uncomfortable pit form in your stomach. An uneasiness of how things were being left whether for your own safety or another reason. You weren't sure. 

You went back up the stairs to see Stu watching you from the porch. You stopped mid step and said his name just for him to tell you. "....I think it's beyond time we get out of here. Got the keys?" 

You faltered before checking your other pocket and nodding. You saw the look on Stu's face, how reserved he seemed as he uncharacteristically said nothing. Both of you walked before going past Billy to the garage. No one seemed to want to say a word as you unlocked the garage and opened it to reveal his car. Your CRV parked near the house for now. 

Stu looked over at you and you saw the way he bit his inner cheek before shrugging as Billy got in the passenger side and shut the door. Clearly beyond his emotional limits to talk to you both. 

"So nice of him to be a drowned rat soaking the seat of my car." He offered a smile that didn't reach his eyes before clearing his throat and looking down. "So…I guess this is goodbye." Stu quietly gave, sticking his hands in his pockets and frowning at the ground a moment.

"Yeah, it is…Goodbye Stu." You purposely made distance so he couldn't hug you. You didn't want his touch, you didn't want either of their presence; last week and every other memory too fresh in your mind. 

He gave an accepting nod and got in as you watched him pull out before shutting and locking your garage back up. The rain dying down as it pattered off of his car. He waited in the driveway as you made your way to the house. Once you were halfway there, you heard his car's engine and tires going through gravel and water as he made his way down the road. You got to the porch and watched his tail lights disappear into the rainy night before heading around back and going back to your unlocked backdoor. The security system back up for the front one. 

You got in and shut the door, quickly punching in your code to lock everything once more before using the deadbolt you rarely relied on this time as well. You slumped against the door and closed your eyes. You felt your lip wobble as you took a long shaky breath before seeing Cherri hobble in. Picking up her bandaged paw. To your amazement it was completely wrapped. You didn't expect her to let Stu do that and just figured he left it up to you while you argued with Billy. 

You looked to see their wet and muddy shoe prints in the kitchen. Some vase on the ground in the hallway that was big enough to not worry about Cherri stepping on but still needed cleaned. It was bizarre to think 20 minutes ago you were all arguing in the living room and now they were gone and you may or may not ever see them again. You should jump up and down for joy but something in you just couldn't. You picked yourself up and walked to the living room to brush the vase pieces out of the way with your shoe and to take your coat off as you slipped off your shoes as well. You set your gun on the table and started pulling at your coat sleeves when you saw Stu's note. 

You paused, staring at it and feeling your gaze soften. 

'Think of me once in a while as much as I'll think of you. 

I'll always love you ♡'

A crudely drawn heart and all. You rolled your eyes and scoffed at him throwing that word around so easily. At him not able to just leave a number like a normal rational person. Of all the bullshit and emotional manipulation he was constantly doing…And yet, you felt your eyes water. Because maybe if they hadn't done what they had, if they didn't have the horrible sides to them you saw last week, if you were honest maybe…Just maybe. 

"I hate you." You mouthed to yourself as you felt yourself suck in a choked gasp of air. Cherri laid beside you as you crumbled to the floor in a wet heap. Face in your hands. Quietly feeling tears in your eyes as you just sat there to take it all in. "I hate you both."

———————————————————

"I hate her." Billy muttered to himself. Eyes still burning from earlier which just soured his mood even more. He flinched when he heard sniffling beside him. Slowly turning his head to see Stu furiously wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"...Man, are you crying?" 

"N-No!...Yes…Yeah, so what if I fucking am?!" He smacked his steering wheel and growled out low in his throat. "It's all your fault anyways, man. What genius idea was it to break in?! As if her trust in me wasn't bad enough!" 

"Oh, as if grabbing her from behind was intelligent. Besides, we both had questions and we got answers. You actually think she would have opened the damn door for us?" 

"Yeah, well maybe I didn't want to know those answer's. Ever think of that? No! You only think of yourself you Cold…Slimy…Pretentious Fuck." Stu sneered out as he sniffed hard and wiped his nose with his t-shirt. 

"Didn't think you knew the word pretentious." 

"Go fuck yourself." 

Billy sat there a moment, staring him down as he drove on the curvy road down the hillside. Woods on either side of them. Stu went to say something but relented. Shaking his head with a bitter chuckle that died off in his throat.

"...What, Stu? What is it that you want to get out so badly because I'm not doing this shit the next 2 hour drive." 

"Alright, I'll say it. I had a chance with her and you couldn't stand it. You didn't want to kill her until I admitted liking her, you were so pissed at me at Windsor for helping her after she helped me-" Billy shook his head with a humorless chuckle as Stu ranted. "And you've been a jealous, bitter bitch while we've been together this whole time. It eats you alive that me and her had something and you're fucking ALONE." 

"Bite me. I'm not bitter-" 

Stu didn't let him speak. "The hell you aren't, man! Just admit you love her too and get it over with!" 

Billy finally felt his temper snap at that. "I don't fucking love her, idiot! Just because your desperate. She's nothing but a two faced, weak ass, nagging female that needs knocked down a few pegs." 

Stu gripped the steering wheel tighter. "Don't say that shit about her man. Not right now. Not to me." He warned with an aggressive frown. 

"Oh or what? You want to pull over and fight about it?" 

Stu smacked his steering wheel again. "God damn it, Billy! Just fucking admit it! I saw your face! You were just as devastated as I was!" 

Billy shoved back into his seat. "You didn't see shit. It was dark, cum rag." 

"Not dark enough, douche novel." Stu mocked. "You can't kill her because you know just as well as I do that things are different now! Admit it!" 

Billy grabbed the console and turned to fully glare at Stu. "Fine, will it shut you the fuck up the rest of the ride?! Things are different! I talked to her ass for the first time in 3 years and if we're being really fucking technical then 5 years since we had a decent conversation. She's changed. She's different. She's even more of a challenge now. When I saw her dead? Truly thought that stupid bitch finally kicked the bucket? I had no purpose anymore, alright?! For 5 fucking years my life was hunting her down and getting revenge and now I don't know what to do because for some dumbass reason after that I can't bring my knife to her and it pisses me the FUCK OFF because I'm that same pathetic kid that couldn't kill her in that backyard! Okay?! Is this what you want, cock jockey? Is this what you're all begging of me to get off my chest tonight?!"

Stu nodded throughout the rant as Billy barely took a breath. A strange laugh escaping Stu. "Yeah. Yeah, Billy. That's exactly the shit I want to hear so I can lay my head down tonight and know I was right and you give a shit about her too so we can finally just come to terms with things here!" He paused and added. "And you're a fine one to talk, cocksucker-" 

Stu swerved the second Billy tried to hit him while trying to drive before shoving Billy off. His hand going right into Billy's sternum as a strangled cry escaped the brunette and he grabbed at his front with a pained expression. Stu gave an arrogant smirk before gasping as Billy smacked him in the ribs that were bandaged. 

Stu stopped the car, groaning in pain before Billy spoke up again first. "My…Fuck…My god damn feelings towards this situation is none of your business, dickhead! None! Yeah, something weird has happened and I hate it but that doesn't mean I'm begging and slobbering for her like you are and I never fucking will. She's a pain in my ass that for whatever reason I can't kill right now. Maybe one day I'll get over it and do what needed done years ago." 

Stu glared at him. "You touch her and I'll kill you. Because whatever friendship we had, if we had it at all besides relieving some tension once in a while, is nonexistent compared to how I feel about her…Despite her going to cops again, she's not being killed. I'm not letting you near her." 

Billy eyed him. "Don't worry. You're still hyper fixated and the second she becomes boring to you; you'll be ready to kill her too...It's not anytime soon so stop showing your teeth. Your Master's safe for now…Now, put this shit in drive and take me to my town." 

Stu glared at him while putting it in drive before looking back at the road. Driving away into the night to go their separate ways in a few hours.

——————————————————

"Dewey? Are you coming to bed?" 

"Y-Yeah!...In a little bit, Gale." 

Dewey sat at his desk, the door locked as he hunched over the desk with the lamp shining on what he was looking at. He stared down at it with scrunched eyes and a worried look. His mouth twitched into a frown under his mustache as he held it in his fingers. 

There in his hand was a photo of you and two men getting out of your car. It was found in the motel next to yours where Neil was hiding out at. He confiscated it to preserve your reputation because as if the media needed to shame you more. Your private life was none of their business…It wasn't his either but he just couldn't stop staring at it. He didn't dare ask you either or show Randy.

It should have been nothing. You were a young woman but…He still didn't like the idea of plural men being in a car with you and he felt icky thinking of WHAT you were doing with them. Enough to make him drop the photo on the desk and grimace with a shiver. You were like his little sister and he'd have the same reaction with Tatum if she had two strange men in her car going to her motel room.

Then he looked at it again. 'No, YN wouldn't do that. She's too smart to invite two random men to her motel during all this…She wouldn't anyways…Would she?' He thought as he picked it backup to stare at it. He could only see a side profile of the taller one as you had on your shades and laughed at something he said…But the shorter brunette he had a clear shot of.

Medium dark brown hair half swooped back but stray bangs fell on either side of his face randomly, a scruffy goatee, high cheekbones on a slender and soft featured face and a small straight nose. What got him the most were the eyes. Distinctive dark eyes that observed his surroundings…They looked so much like.

He smacked the photo down and turned it over at the thought. He felt sick…No. Never in a million years. Billy Loomis and Stu Macher were dead and you would not have given them a ride even if they weren't!

He didn't like the idea of you being with two strange men that you didn't tell him or Randy about doing god knows what but he absolutely refused to entertain the crazy idea he and Gale used to argue so much about…'Maybe they just needed a ride?' He reasoned even though that wasn't much better. Especially with a killer on the loose. He knew you were only 23 and 23 year olds are still learning but he expected better of you.

He'd barely slept since finding this. The uncanny resemblance to Billy Loomis so strong and the talker one looking like that Dennis Rafkin guy that looked so much like his character as Stu Macher…What were you doing with Dennis? And who was the other man? What were you thinking in general and what other secrets did you have? 

" Dewey, why is the door locked?" 

Dewey jumped and quickly put the photo in an envelope and then inside a book he knew no one would read then in a drawer. Something about this ate him alive but he couldn't tell Gale. He felt horrible but he didn't feel right telling his fiance. Not after you both just made up.

"C-Coming, honey!" He gave, already pulling out the pet names before she wiggled the door handle.

"Dewey Riley, open this-" 

He quickly opened it for her to be in a short, silky night dress with a raised brow. 

"U-Uh sorry sweetie, I just needed to fill out some things." 

"Like what? Dewey, I don't like secrets already in the relationship." 

"Well, it's embarrassing but…Forget it." 

"No, go on."

He rubbed the back of his neck with a cringe. "I was…Looking into joining the force again." 

She looked surprised. "Oh." 

"Forget it! It's dumb. Why would they want an ex deputy that's now a useless-" 

"Hey, don't say that about yourself. Don't ever say that." 

He sighed with a deep frown. "...That has more disabilities than what the average precinct is willing to put up with?" 

She grabbed him and pulled him towards her. "Dewey, I think it's an amazing idea. You don't belong in Hollywood or Paris or New York…I think you should reapply at Woodsboro." 

"...Really? But my record there-" 

She smiled up at him. "Yes, forget it! You said it, Woodsboro feels real. I don't know what I was doing all these years chasing fame when the most important thing was right here." 

Dewey smiled softly at her and brushed her hair from her face. "Gale…" 

"Besides, I kind of like the idea of Deputy Dewey again. It's sexy." She smiled with hooded eyes, leaning into him as he chuckled.

"Yeah?" He quirked a mischievous smirk. "Are you a law abiding citizen?" 

Gale giggled and stepped back to show off how short her dress was. "Me? Oh no. I've got secrets. I'm a bad, bad girl officer. What are you gonna do to me for being so bad?" 

Dewey felt himself thinking of his own secret now. 

"Uh, DEWEY?" Gale scoffed as he shook himself and grabbed her with a grin as she laughed.

"Well, sounds like you're under house arrest. Anything you say can and will be held against you in the court of law." Dewey went to pick Gale up and faltered. Gale gave him a sympathetic look but Dewey just sucked in a breath and forced himself to struggle with his bad arm to use all his strength for his good arm and leg to hold her up princess style. The nerve damage is not as bad but still very much there. 

Gale gasped and wrapped her arms around his neck. "You're amazing, Dewey…Now, I believe the handcuffs for me are…That way." She motioned to the bedroom as they kissed while he quickly got her there as fast as he could before he might drop her.

The photo that was now a secret he wished he could ask you but couldn't. It was momentarily pushed aside but still lingering in his mind nonetheless.

…What secrets were you keeping from him and Randy?

[exsequar]

August 18 is my birthday. I feel like I need to say something about this year of my life... and this is the closest I have to a blog. Pull up a chair.

Tonight I stood on the roof of my beautiful modern apartment building, in the most vivacious neighborhood of Seattle, gazing at the panoramic view of the downtown skyline, Space Needle, mountains and water and the rolling hills, all backlit by a softly electric sunset, listening to my gorgeous and sweet neighbor working shirtless on his bike behind me, and reflected on what a fucking year it's been.

Tomorrow I turn 36. One year ago, I thought I would never be happy again.

This 36th year of life, a perfect square as I am fond of pointing out, has been anything but perfect and certainly nothing so predictable as a square. But as I sprint across the finish line, proudly taking the trophy that declares I Survived Thirty-Six, I am deeply grateful for how this year has shaped me and set me on course for the life I want... for the first time ever.

One year ago, I was at the nadir of a monthslong spiral of anxiety and depression. The night of August 18, 2022, I did not sleep one wink, despite attempting many substance interventions, because my soul was so wrought with torment and guilt and fear. And this was a new experience for me; I had had low points before, but absolutely nothing even resembling this black hole that felt impossible to escape. I won't go into why, but suffice to say there was one new toxic ingredient in my life that had slowly devoured my happiness, my confidence, and my hope. I couldn't see a path out.

Then... slowly, then abruptly, things began to change.

In September, I decided to look for a new job, to change at least one variable and cut out some toxicity. With what felt like shocking speed, interview offers started coming in after just four taster applications. After a brief interview process, I was astonished to find myself in a new job much closer to home, joining a team that included one of my favorite past coworkers.

In October, I took a couple weeks off to try to gain my footing before starting my new job, and traveled home to see family. During these two weeks, I suddenly learned that my landlords were renovating my building and I was being kicked out from my apartment of four years (with 6 months to move out). I quickly recovered from my shock, went on one round of apartment visits in the coolest area in town right near my new office, fell in love with the third building I saw, and signed a lease within a week. Importantly, around the same time, a huge element of the toxic drain on my life became suddenly much, much better, which started to free me from that suffocating weight. Additionally, the relentless, deeply kind support of some close friends finally started to lift me out of the darkness. (You know who you are, I love you.)

On Halloween, 2022, I started my new job. I instantly hit it off with the other two women on my team. The third day, I tested positive for COVID - IN the office! No longer a COVID virgin, I slunk home to do my various new hire trainings in quarantine.

In November, I bought an e-bike to use for my new 1.5 mile commute. I immediately loved being back on two wheels and frequently commuted by bike even in the grey Seattle winter.

Two days before Christmas, 2022, I moved into my new apartment. I shed most of my furniture, many belongings, and started from a beautiful almost blank slate. My new place has the aforementioned roof with panoramic views, huge windows, and all kinds of amenities I didn't have before (a dishwasher!!!!!! laundry!!!!! being mid-thirties is losing your shit over in-unit laundry).

I traveled home for the holidays and had a wonderful break.

January 2023, I began preparing for the biggest fucking trip of my whole entire life. To ANTARCTICA. Yes, you heard that right. I began preparing for an EXPEDITION to ANTARCTICA. For FUN. I still can hardly believe it myself. My friend had invited me in Dec 2021 to join a trip to Antarctica in March 2022, but omicron kiboshed that, and I think the universe knew I needed this to happen in 2023. That I would be just emerging from The Great Dark, and what a better place to beckon me forward than the White Continent?

January, February, and March all felt like a frenzy of preparation. I continued to learn and grow more happy and confident at my new job, growing ever closer to mhy awesome little team, but all the while my mind was floating among the icebergs and penguins.

March. Two days before I was supposed to leave for Chile, the first part of my trip, I tested positive for COVID. IN MY OFFICE. AGAIN!!!

After a brief bout of despair, I ended up getting paxlovid, moving my flight back a week (for $1000 extra ;_;), and joining my friend and her mom in Argentina instead.

March 20, 2023, I set sail aboard the m/v Plancius for Antarctica. What followed was the most deeply spectacular, yet also the most deeply healing, two weeks of my life. I don't know how to summarize it. I felt true peace for the first time... certainly in a year, but in what felt like decades. Possibly forever. I was soul-happy. It's the only way I can describe it.

I landed back home on April 5.

On April 6, my company was hit by a massive cyber attack. Yay!!!!?

The next few months were a chaotic scramble of new experiences and creativity. But through it all, my team only grew closer, and the uncharted territory was in some ways an exciting challenge that only enhanced my sense of feeling alive.

The peace I felt in Antarctica came home with me and spread through my life in waves. I began doing things for joy, and getting my body out moving in the world. I had quickly fallen back in love with biking, so I started looking for groups to ride with and began joining free bike rides all over the county as often as I could. I met delightful people on every ride. I bought a second bike that would be zippier and easier to tote around. I bought a new car that would let me carry around this second bike more easily. I joined a summer rec soccer league, biking to a local field to play under the setting summer sun every Friday, and met some of the fabulous queer folks in my new neighborhood. I watched halftime drag shows on artificial turf. I started feeling physically healthier to match my sense of my soul healing. I laughed all the time.

August 18, 2023 starts in less than an hour. Today, the penultimate day of my 36th year, I worked and laughed with my team for the morning. I flirted with a darling guy in my building, who I have been lightly flirting with for months, for over an hour. I went to the farmers market outside our office and bought beautiful berries from the handsome farmer who loves his bees so much. I picked up an order of fantastic cookies, an early self-gift. I took my new car for a fun new type of car wash (the car sits still and the washing robot arms move around us??). I called my dad. My best friend of nearly 2 decades asked if she could call and we talked for over an hour. I went home to my kitties. I played Stardew Valley and listened to my favorite music. I finished a spectacular audiobook (Strong Female Character by Fern Brady, a memoir of growing up an autistic girl with no diagnosis, and getting diagnosed in middle age). I went to the store to pick up ingredients for my favorite birthday cake that my dad always made for me when I was a kid.

I climbed up to the roof, where my handsome neighbor was quietly and shirtlessly fixing his bike, and gazed out over the gorgeous deep red horizon.

I didn't quite cry. My eyes stung softly as I bit my lip and smiled. Yes. This is where I want to be.

And I can't wait to see what 37 - a prime number, harder to come by as we age - has in store.

[notsno]

I’m not a poet so don’t come for me

Just need to put this shit somewhere

There are things I’ll probably never be able to say to people who are probably never going to be in my life again. But Solange Piaget Knowles was fucking right. I’m glad at my young old 28 years of age that I do not crave to drink this shit away. I barely drink, I am so happy about that. I barely even want to smoke about this shit. I don’t dwell in it either, I let it come and go as the waves that it is. I go out, but I also stay in. I date, hang with friends and fam, and I take my own time alone.

This shit will be with me forever. You’ll be with me. Forever.

To one of them:

- All that, just to become a figment? A figment of my imagination? I can’t even take a hot shower or bath without being reminded. How are you in there, how did you do that? So warm. Water running down my body reminds me of yours.

To you:

- I’m sorry. We were both right. We were both wrong. We just wanted to love and to be loved. I’m not running away. I’m facing this head on. I’m proud, I’m so proud. Of us. For taking a chance. For giving up. For not letting shit get even worse. Even if you’ve hardly changed at all, I’m proud of you. Proud of you.

Proud of me. I did that shit. Years later, I stood up. I deserved better. You deserved better. We all did. Let this be the LAST time either of us treats anyone the way we did. We should’ve ended long ago but we weren’t strong enough. I* was not strong enough. I don’t blame us for wanting what we wanted and trying. We are worthy and oh so deserving of love and life and partners with the same ideals and all the other things. I am so proud of me for not doing what I’ve done in the past. For not even wanting to. I am a goddamn 28 years old today, when you know better? You fucking do better. I have my moments, I do. My counselor brought up harm reduction therapy and that shit can be applied in many places. Relapse is a part of it. I’m proud I give myself *grace.*

It is so important to get this shit out, I know. I can’t help the mental image of me apologizing to you in my mind lately though. Something that will probably never happen, because what would come of it? It would only serve me, at least in theory. After everything… the way we ended. Are you the same? Are you different? Would you receive it? A small part of me wishes you could. Why? Could I say sorry, could you accept it, could we move on in that way. Could we be friends. Could we be more? Did we need this to finally see? And do it right? And get it right?

I cry because it’s not true. We were not right, we are not right. So much would have to change. I know and see now. I’m really just sad about the way we treated each other. And it’s hard to process something two people went through together alone. Such a singular experience. I talked to you all the time, now radio silence. A hard, lengthy adjustment is on the way and transpiring now as we speak. Or don’t. lol.

Shit stays. I am barely reading for fun again at my big age because I couldn’t read alone. Still mostly can’t. 18 years getting to escape, explore, find and seek refuge and comfort in books while my family was physically around me?

That one man. That first man. Still with me. A ghost, blurry around all edges. Not even a figment, a fragment of my imagination. And yet. And still. In the same cities for years and never running into each other. A sign, what a sign. Prototype.

I had an idea of what I wanted in my mind for so long. Then I met him. Then he was the idea for so long. I realize even though these people stay with you forever (for life. Whoever said you’ll get over people LIED! The fire just dulls. Some/ most times it’s almost nothing. But always there. Always will be there.) they are feelings too. Come and go, catch and release. It’s so important that I no longer chase an idea (an ideal?) People are people, they are not ideas. I was young and didn’t know so I forgive myself.

Now I will go through life with clear goals in mind. Who I date is the least interesting thing about me. Love in the romantic sense will come and go. Even when/ while it was committed, it came and went. It will come and go and I will let it. I want to build a life. I want to have a long one. I want to have a kid, and be able to give them as much as I can. I want the challenge of preserving myself while raising another being. I want to be old. I want to live. And so far, I’m doing that.

[sargeant-bxrnes]

1 step forward, 3 steps back.

warnings: rafe being… rafe. drug mention & consumption, cursing, toxic relationship, sexual situations/implications, mental health issues. ANGST.

[AN: this is the first thing i’ve written, ever, so my apologies if it’s not flawless ; also, english is not my first language, that’s a warning on its own]

my requests are open btw

click for my master list

word count: 4.4K

Called you on the phone today

Just to ask you how you were

All I did was speak normally

Somehow I still struck a nerve

“Hey,” you said in a soft tone as soon as Rafe picked up the phone, you were laying down on your bed, staring at the ceiling.

“Hey princess,” his tone was calm, but his voice was rough and raspy all together.

“How you doing?” you asked him, even though you’d seen him last night, up close.

“I’m doing great,” he replied in a surprisingly cheerful tone, which is weird this early in the morning. Rafe is not a morning person. “You sound tired.”

“I am tired,” you confirmed with a sigh. “Guess I have you to thank for that.”

“My pleasure.” he replied cockily, and even though you couldn’t see him, you could practically hear his proud smirk.

“So, what’s the plan today?” you asked in a casual tone, fidgeting with the edge of Rafe’s shirt, the one you wore to sleep.

“Uh, what do you mean?” he asked in a distracted tone, he sniffed subtly and coughed.

You knew what that meant, but still, you hoped it wasn’t what you deep down knew it was.

“Yeah, I mean—“ you said and made a brief pause. “Wanna go to the club? Maybe we can take a ride on the boat, you know, with food, alcohol... just us.”

“Can’t, I’m busy.” he said after a few seconds, if you didn’t know him better and his occasional mood swings, you would’ve said his tone was harsh.

"Really?" you asked in a soft tone, trying to disguise your disappointment with interest. "But I thought we were going out together today."

"Y/N, just because I'm your boyfriend it doesn't mean I have to be with you all the fucking time."

Okay, now he was definitely angry, you thought you said the right thing, but it still made him angry.

"Rafe-"

"No, Y/N. I have a life of my own, you know? Things to do besides you."

“That’s okay Rafe, I get it,” You said calmly, nodding your head softly. “Have fun today.”

Now you clearly heard the sound of him sniffing something and the sigh that left his lips after, and Barry’s voice in the background. “Don’t play the victim card on me, that’s not gonna work. I deserve to have some time off.”

“I didn’t,” you said softly. “And it’s okay baby, you’re right, you deserve to have some fun.”

“See? No need to be so fucking dramatic,” he said, his voice and words slurring. You? Dramatic? It was all him. “But don’t worry princess, I’ll drop by tonight and fuck the attitude out of you, yeah? That way I’m not just doing things with you, I’m doing you.”

And with such a vulgar comment and a harsh tone, Rafe hung up on you, leaving you completely dumbfounded and filled with incredulity.

What you did know for a fact, is that he would keep up his word. And judging by his tone of voice and how annoyed he was, you could already imagine the ache between your legs.

You got me fucked up in the head, boy

Never doubted myself so much

Like, am I pretty? Am I fun, boy?

I hate that I give you power over that kind of stuff

You knew exactly what you were getting into when you started hooking up with Rafe, and what you were committing to when you agreed to be his girlfriend.

You know that man carries more problems than he shows, he prefers to make himself appear as the Kook prince who lives a life of partying and money; hiding all the things that were going on in his head.

However, there were times when his attitude made you doubt yourself.

You couldn't help but think, ‘What if one day I don't manage to calm him down?’ ‘What if one day he realizes that there is someone prettier, or hotter, or wealthier out there?’

And Rafe would get angry if you doubted yourself. He would complain to you about it, saying you had no reason to be insecure about your looks; if you are absolutely gorgeous, or to feel insecure about your personality; if you were the most genuine person he'd ever met, and you could make him laugh until he forgot all his problems.

But what really made him furious was when you had doubts about the relationship itself, about whether or not he was capable of leaving you for someone else. He took those doubts personally, as if he wasn't trying hard enough to show you how much you mean to him.

When in reality; you were doubting yourself.

'Cause it's always one step forward

You were preparing dinner for you and Rafe, your family was out for the weekend, and Rafe had decided to spend it with you.

Your hair was tied up in a bun, your attire consisted of nothing but your underwear and a shirt that used to be Rafe's, but you took it so long ago that it's yours now.

Music from your shared playlist played in the background, as you danced absentmindedly with a spatula in hand, extremely calm and enjoying time with your boyfriend.

Rafe could do nothing but stare at you with admiration, you are literally the only good thing in his life; his little piece of heaven. You are everything to him.

As soon as Dark Red by Steve Lacy started playing, you let out an excited gasp. That song in particular is Rafe’s and yours, like… if you two had to choose a song to describe your relationship, it would be that one. It represented how you two did not always have good times, but your love prevailed.

Seeing you this happy, comfortable and at ease with him made Rafe's soul happy. All his life, he had done nothing else besides make people angry, disappointed, terrified. But with you, everything was different.

You were so focused on swaying your hips to the music and singing, that you didn't notice when Rafe stood up and walked over to where you were.

It wasn't until he stood behind you, chest to back and with his hands on your hips, that you realized he was closer. His head was bowed, you could feel his breathing close to your ear, so he was able to murmur in your ear the lyrics of the song:

“Only you, my girl, only you, babe,” he sang in your ear, his voice a soft whisper as he wrapped his arms around your body and started to sway with you. “Only you, darling, only you, babe.”

The gesture quickened your heart to unsuspected levels, you felt your knees weaken as you pressed closer to his body, appreciating his closeness as he pressed a kiss against your temple.

“You know I love you so much, right?” he mumbled in your ear, as you closed your eyes and relished his presence.

“I love you too, baby.”  you mumbled back, leaning your head against his chest, caressing one of his arms around your waist with your fingertips, and bringing your hand to his ash blond hair, stroking it softly.

and three steps back

“Why is he mad at you, again?” Topper asked you with a raised eyebrow, after witnessing Rafe utterly avoiding even looking at you when he walked into the room and then left without a word.

“Because I told Barry to not open the door if Rafe dropped by,” You replied with a shrug, closing your eyes and leaning back against the chair. “And when Rafe tried to lash out on him, Barry said it all had been ‘Mrs.Country Club’s’ request.”

“And he’s mad at you because you don’t want him to get all fucked up?” Topper questioned next, trying to understand the situation. But he never knew what the fuck you two were up to.

“Yes, but it’s Rafe, are you surprised?” you said with a heavy sigh.

“No, not really,” Topper admitted. “Honestly, I don’t know why you keep up with him, Y/N.”

“I ask myself that all the time…” you said with a deep sigh. “But I love him, so I guess that’s the answer.”

“And? I mean, I don’t want to be ‘that guy’ Y/N, but he’s…” Topper trailed off, apparently looking for the right word.

“I know exactly how he is, Topper, I don’t need you to remind me. I already think about that way too much.”

You and Topper had easily assumed that Rafe was no longer around, since he seemed to be making his best efforts to avoid you.

But Rafe was there, and he heard everything. He’d heard Topper giving you bad advice (or what he considered bad advice) And he heard you, having doubts about why you loved him or stood by him at all,and it made him want to lash out again.

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

No, I don't understand

[+18. Really]

“Leave me alone!” his voice boomed in the room, his brows furrowed and the veins in his neck were popping out.

“Rafe—“ you tried once again, approaching slowly in an attempt to place a hand on his shoulder, but he waved it away aggressively.

“Leave-me-alone,” he said, pausing in between each word to emphasize on how much he meant it. His eyes were bloodshot, his nose had specks of white dust, his lips were dry and his voice was coarse.

You weren’t entirely sure what you could say to get him to calm down. Or if there was anything at all you could do.

Normally, what upsets him the most is Ward. His own father. Rafe has spent his whole life trying to prove he's a good son, to make his father proud, and Ward never appreciates his efforts, only notices the bad, and ignores Rafe's clear calls for help, has since Rafe was 10 years old, so he certainly wasn't going to pay attention to him now that Rafe finally had a steady girlfriend, someone who had willingly decided to help.

95% of the time, you managed to talk to Rafe before he decided to resort to intoxication. Most of the time just seeing you helped him calm down, hearing your voice soothed him, and your lips, your skin, put him in a state of peace.

But the other 5% is when Rafe resorted to alcohol and, above all, drugs.

When Rafe is upset and decides to get high, he only manages to become unstable, erratic and yes, aggressive if not handled with care.

In those situations, the best thing you can do, putting yourself first, is to give him his space. Let him screw himself as much as he wants for that day, and help him deal with the consequences the next day, while you listen to him lament his attitude.

Rafe always said he would quit the vice; claiming you were all he needed to calm himself down, that you made him feel at peace. And above all, that you weren't slowly killing him; on the contrary, every minute he spent with you made him feel more alive.

However, for one reason or another, he always came back to it. Whether it was at a party, because Kelce suggested it, or, as is almost always the case, when he's upset with his father and needs quick relief.

And usually, this ‘quick relief’ ends up with Rafe fucked up, big time.

Once he was convinced that you wouldn't try to intervene again, Rafe went back to his business. He turned to the table, and since he already had the line ready, he simply leaned over and inhaled it, throwing his head back, running his hand through his hair and exhaling as he closed his eyes.

You exhaled heavily, shaking your head as you stared at your feet.  You knew he would struggle to quit, after all it is an addiction and he has to fight it, but sometimes you get the impression that Rafe doesn't want to quit, not really.

"Do you want to help me?" asked Rafe eventually, turning his head to look at you. You didn't know if it was a trick question or not, so you hesitated before answering. "Answer me."

"Yes, of course I want to, Rafe." you replied with your respective hesitations, wondering what he was up to.

"Come here then," he said, making a 'come hither’ sign with his fingers.

You took a hesitant step but stopped, your eyes narrowing as you analyzed Rafe, trying to determine his intentions.

He raised both eyebrows in your direction, in a silent question of whether or not you're going to go with him.

Eventually you walked over to where Rafe was, he smiled at you while biting his lip lightly. Without saying anything he approached you and kissed you; the drugs made his senses heighten, so the kiss was intense from the beginning.

So that's when it made sense to you what he wanted, he wanted you. Your most obvious thought is that he would use you to take out your frustration, put the drugs aside and, most likely, fuck you.

Your idea seemed to be the right one as soon as Rafe grabbed you by the waist, still with his lips on yours, left a little bite on your lip before pulling away; and without any problem, lifted you off the floor and placed you on the table.

It's something you wouldn't admit out loud,—mostly out of shame and guilt,—but this kind of sex with Rafe was the best, he's completely unrestrained, rough, full of stamina and teasing, and above all, possessive. And that, in combination with his attractiveness, always drove you crazy.

And honestly; if what he wanted was to fuck you to take out his frustration, you'd let him.

His kisses were hungry and his hands desperate, running all over your body without distinction, as if he didn't know where to start.

He parted his lips from yours, and left a kiss at the corner of them, on your jaw; and began to make a little trail of slow kisses down your neck. The feeling of his lips on your neck made you bite your lip as you wrapped your legs around his waist to feel him closer.

You slid your hand under his shirt, caressing his defined abs and the sides of his body gently with the tips of your fingers, as he left little bites on your neck. Your hands slowly moved up, intending to remove his shirt, but Rafe was quicker and brought his hands to the edge of your shirt, causing you to stop your movements to raise your arms, so he could remove your shirt with ease. And so he did.

He parted his lips from your neck and stared at you, the hunger in his eyes made you feel a fire in the pit of your stomach that only he could put out.

Desperately, your lips connected again as he settled between your legs. One of his hands traveled to your neck, and he wrapped his fingers around it, pressing lightly to the sides. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head; though he couldn't see it.

With just enough strength, Rafe used the grip he had on your neck to push you down onto the table, so that you were lying on top of it.

As soon as he leaned over the table, you could feel his breath over abdomen, so you bit your lip in anticipation for what was to come.

He began to leave slow, wet kisses on your abdomen, making a slow trail to the edge of your shorts. Your automatic reaction was to close your eyes and put a hand in his hair, stroking it gently.

What you didn’t know is that the fact that you closed your eyes had given Rafe an opportunity he couldn't miss. Without you noticing, he slid a hand to the side of the table, where the small bag of white powder was.

To conceal his actions, he unbuttoned your shorts, and returned his lips to the beginning of your abdomen for more time.

The little bite he left to distract your attention caused a gasp to escape your lips; and that sound almost caused him to change plans completely.

He did want to fuck you, don’t get him wrong. He even had a mental debate about whether to continue what he was doing or simply sink his head between your thighs and provoke more sounds like that.

But he wanted to try something first. He had always wanted to try it, but had never asked you, because he knew that you would most likely say no.

With ease, he slid your shorts down your legs; so that they stayed at your ankles or fell to the floor; he didn't care. One of his hands slid into your underwear with ease, his fingers going straight to where he knew you needed him the most.

Trusting that you would not open your eyes, carefully, he put the white substance on your body, so delicately you didn’t notice. He began to prepare to inhale, while biting his lip in reaction to the sinful sounds that left your lips.

And obviously, without warning, Rafe inhaled a line from your thigh.

And all your sounds stopped, your eyes opened and your expression was filled with surprise, the bad kind.

You couldn't believe what Rafe had just done, you felt like an idiot for falling into the trap.

You also had to bite your lip to keep from letting out a moan in reaction to what his fingers were doing in between your legs, but your pride forbade it.

But more than anything else, you were outraged.

“Rafe, you did not just—“

“It felt nice, yeah?” Rafe’s voice was hoarse, you could feel his breath over your skin, as he left little kisses around. “After all, I did feel you clench around my fingers.”

His dirty words, hoarse voice, and close proximity to your body, not to mention his fingers deep inside you, caused you to let out a soft moan, causing Rafe to smirk in what he thought was victory.

But you wouldn't let him win this little game.

Although you really didn't want to, you grabbed his hand by the wrist and pulled him away, your legs trembling slightly at the sudden lack of anything between them.

Rafe's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as soon as you pushed him away from you and got off the table, lifting your shorts off the floor and putting them back on without a word.

"What are you doing?"

You didn't answer, as you searched for  your shirt, feeling his heavy gaze on your body.

"Y/N, where do you think you're going?"

“I’m leaving you alone as you asked me to, remember?” you said in irony. “Before you sniffed a line off me after I begged you to quit that shit?”

“Oh, so now you’re playing the victim?” his voice rose. “Don't- Don’t act as if you wouldn’t have let me fuck you less than a minute ago!”

"Yes I would have let you, to distract you from that shit!" you admitted to him, failing to control your anger. "I said I wanted to help you, to distract you, to give you something different to do. Not that I'd give you another place to snort lines from!"

Rafe knew you were right, of course he did.

You had spent months after months trying to get him to quit, you had offered him countless hours of your days to give him something new to do, distractions, attention and love. And this is how he had decided to pay you back?

But Rafe was angry too, very. You had interrupted him, you were yelling at him; and you had left him so hard, that it would start to hurt unless he did something about it.

“Fine, then get the fuck out of here.” Rafe spat, his anger clearly getting the best of him.

Your eyes widened at that, you hadn't expected him to react like that.

Your best case scenario would be that your attitude would piss him off, yes, but that he would retaliate by getting you back to the table and showing you everything you were missing.

Instead, he simply took your word for it and told you to get out of the room.

“What?”

“You heard me, get out.”

“Rafe—“

“You uh, you have three options, yeah? You let me fuck you over that table and do whatever I want, you get out of here, or I’ll get you out of here.”

The first offer was tempting, it really was, but you wouldn’t allow him to talk to you like that. Before anything, came respect and dignity, and no matter how much you wanted him to fuck you silly, you were too angry and disappointed at him to let it slip.

Blinking repeatedly to chase away the tears from your eyes, you grabbed your phone from the other end of the table, your jacket from Rafe's bed, and walked out of there without another word as you heard him calling your name.

And maybe in some masochistic way

I kinda find it all exciting

Like, which lover will I get today?

Will you walk me to the door or send me home cryin'?

Your relationship with Rafe was unique.

Not because of the circumstances in which it was created. A one-night-stand that turned into something casual, that was formalized after a dinner.

If not for Rafe.

You loved him, no doubt about it. You would give anything to see him happy and at peace, at peace with himself and succeeding in his life.

Rafe would do anything for you, really, anything. No matter how risky, demanding or dangerous, he would do anything for you.

He would die and kill for you.

But that surely didn’t mean it was an easy relationship, hell no. In fact, the willingness both of you had to do anything for each other sometimes made things too complicated; for at times it seemed that not a single rational thought crossed your minds.

And yes, Rafe’s addiction was a big issue. Whenever he was too high, or going through withdrawals, he wasn’t the Rafe you knew or had grown to love, it was another side of him you wanted to help get rid off. And the process wasn’t easy.

While trying to get clean; there was no way to know how he’d behave. He could either get clingy and want you around at all times to calm himself down, or he’d be in a very bad mood all the time, constantly snapping at you and raising his voice.

So there were days where he’d walk you to the door of your house and leave you there with a tender kiss and a smile.

Or days when you’d get out of his truck without a word, with tears streaming down your cheeks while he kept yelling for probably the stupidest thing.

No, it's back and forth, did I say something wrong?

It's back and forth, goin' over everything I said

It's back and forth, did I do something wrong?

'It's back and forth, maybe this is all your fault

Rafe knew he wasn’t okay. After all, he had begged his father for help, begged for anything that would get those thoughts to stop, but his father hadn’t listened, had only told him to ‘man up.’

You knew he wasn’t okay. Which is why you wanted to help him, to offer the support no one else had bothered to give him before he met you.

Whether he wanted it or not, those thoughts were still there. Being with you made them easier to ignore, but it’s not like they vanished entirely. He still had some ideas that made his own skin crawl.

And sometimes, you’d say or do the wrong thing and trigger those thoughts. And things got bad again for him.

Rafe knew you wanted nothing but to help him get better and be the best version of himself, and he really wanted to give you that. To change and make an effort. Not only for himself but for you. He wanted to be a man worthy of your love.

But it was hard to be anywhere near decent when you two went out and a guy stared at you for longer than Rafe’s limits allowed, or when guys tried to hit on you, when his friends got a little bit too close for his comfort.

Whenever he got jealous, he turned into a walking, talking ticking bomb. Anything could, and would set him off.

It wasn’t your fault, not really, but most of the time you felt it was. You knew Rafe dealt with a lot of insecurities already, of not being a nice person, not being good enough and so many other things. And you hated being one of the factors that caused his insecurities to arise.

And I'd leave you, but the roller coaster is all I've ever had

It was a complicated relationship, and it would probably never stop being complicated because both of you are complex people, plus there are other factors that affect the relationship.

But that didn't mean either of you would stop fighting to keep it alive. Neither would let the other go.

Rafe utterly refused to ever let you go. He loved you as he had never loved anyone, as he never thought himself capable of loving with that twisted heart of his.

You are, without exception, the best thing in his life, the best thing that ever happened to him. And you being in his heart was slowly turning him into who he had wanted to be during all those years of loneliness.

And you would never let him go, because you loved him with all your heart, soul and nerve of your body. And because you know that no one will ever love you like him. With so much passion, intensity, honesty and purity.

Because every feeling Rafe expressed with you was true; he was himself with you. And you didn't want to let him go.

Even if the two of you went one step forward, and three steps back, that single step would be longer than any step life makes you take backwards.

[finelinevogue]

Can you write something about when Harry and Y/N broke up but fans speculate that they got back together and they did get back together. They broke over something stupid, please. You don’t have to do this exactly it can be something like that.

let’s see how this turns out! hope it’s what you wished for?!

The last few months had been rough.

What had started as rumours of a breakup between everyones favourite couple, you and Harry, had turned into an actual breakup.

It had started by Harry spending more time with Olivia, due to press for Don’t Worry Darling. They were always hanging out with each other, even when there was no publicity stunt telling them to. You found it appropriate at first, wanting the movie to gain some form of reputation, but after a while you believed it turned South. It was becoming a definite friendship and not just because they had to. It was the way that Harry would bring Olivia over for dinner without checking with you first, or taking the dog for a walk with her not you, or even staying longer out on stunts than they needed to just because they wanted to.

So you challenged Harry on it. Hell, even the tabloids were challenging you both - claiming Harry had split from you for Olivia. You made him question whether he thought his actions were irresponsible and appropriate or not, to which he thought there was nothing wrong and thought you were being irrational. You didn’t speak to him for the rest of the day, only to find him later on the phone speaking to Olivia about how crazy you’d been acting about it all. So you showed him crazy and walked out.

Until today.

For over a half a year your sister had her wedding planned and Harry was supposed to be your guest. You were nervous about turning up without him, because your family were very judgy. Your sister couldnt help being the smarter and the prettier one, but she also didn’t have to parade it around so everyone knew of it. Your mum and dad thought you a disappointment for the longest time, but once you’d gotten a job and had moved out they were a bit more loving over you. Still didn’t hide the fact they desperately hoped for you to have a relationship. It wasn’t that you were bringing Harry along to prove that someone loved you, but more to prove that they would never fully be satisfied whether you had a boyfriend or not. There would always be a podium stand slightly lower for you to stand on.

However, they didn’t know about the breakup.

“Y/N, nice to see you. Where’s Harry?” Another guest asked you, relatives of your mum. It was the same question over and over again, no one really caring about how you are but instead whether you’re in a positive relationship.

“Oh um I think he’s just running a bit late.” Was your chosen answer to respond to said question. It was repetitive, but it kept people off your back.

The wedding was completely beautiful. It was in a beautiful church and was decorated to perfection. The theme was white and royal blue, something your sister had always dreamed of. Children played amongst the pews and family relatives mumbled to each other about gossip. There was still a heavy sadness to the event. Maybe it was because your sister hadn’t asked you to be a bridesmaid - instead, choosing her best friends instead - or maybe it was because you missed Harry so much.

He’d fucked up. He really had, but it didn’t take away that burning passion for him that spread like a wildfire in your belly. You missed him. You still loved him. Worst of all, you had to pretend everything was all alright in front of your family when actually you were breaking apart inside.

Harry hadn’t messaged saying that he was or wasn’t coming, but after everything that had happened you were confident he was going to be a no show, and you would be the embarrassment of the family once again. Your relationship had been very private and exclusive, but Harry’s fans were so investigative you wouldn’t be surprised if they knew that you’d broken up and were aware that you were at a wedding today without him. Neither of you had made a public statement about your breakup, but neither of your wanted to damage each other even more. Fans suspected though and rumours travel fast.

“Y/N how are you doing? How’s Harry?” Another aunt came and asked you, this time with your mother in tow.

“Oh he’s great, yes.” You smiled forcefully, not actually having a clue how your ex-boyfriend was doing. You didn’t keep up with his social media because you were afraid of what you might find.

“Where is he? Is he here?” Your aunt asked.

“He’s late, apparently.” Your mother answered for you, sneeringly. “You’ll be made a fool of if he’s a no show Y/N.”

“I know.”

“I hope everything goes well for you both.” Your aunt kindly said, before waiting for your mum to say something nice too. That was a mistake though.

“Well it’s unlikely she’ll find someone again!” Your mother laughed and pulled your aunt away from you. You furrowed your eyebrows and let your heart sink low.

What were you thinking, letting Harry go like that? Your mum was right, you were never going to find anyone else again. You were so lucky with Harry. He was so kind and so patient with you, but obviously he’d run out of steam towards the end. It doesn’t surprise you. You’ve always been told you’re a mighty handful and you need a lot of work put into looking after you, so you understand why you were probably too much for Harry. The showbiz life had never really been something you’d completely submerged yourself into, whereas you guess for Olivia it was rooted in her from birth. She understood Harry’s world the same way he did hers. They would match perfectly for each other, if that’s what they wanted.

You watched the room continue as usual, but you couldn’t keep yourself here. There was too much sadness welling deep within you that you wanted to just run and then keep running. So you did, only to get as far as the bench in the front courtyard. The outside felt calmer and more freeing than inside, you sat and absorbed it for a while, not realising that you were crying until your pretty multicoloured dress had grown darker with a pool of your tears.

“Shit.” You tried rubbing the tears out, but only made you cry a little harder. You thought about your makeup running and tried to compose yourself, fanning your face to calm it down from the heat now.

“And here I was thinking weddings were supposed to be happy.”

You stopped fanning your face to look at him. You couldn’t believe he was standing there, dressed in a beautiful white suit and salmon pink shirt underneath to compliment the colours of your dress - the outfit that you’d helped him pick out over a year ago. He’d remembered. He trusted that you’d still be wearing this dress. He was a sight alright. A vision of beauty and love.

“Harry?” You questioned, wiping your under eyes to clear away any running mascara, not quite believing he was standing there.

“So what was it? Bad music playing? No vodka? Or maybe there’s nowhere for you to escape to go read the book I know you have stuffed away in your clutch bag.” He stood at a distance from you, hands in his trouser pockets, to make sure you were comfortable.

“I brought vodka instead of the book.” You chuckled, reaching into your clutch to prove it to him.

“Lucky for you, i’ve come to save the day.” Harry reached to the inside of his blazer pocket and pulled out a Kindle. You’d always been debating whether or not to buy one, because the feeling of having a book to turn its’ physical pages is a feeling second to none. “Take it, it’s yours.”

Harry handed it out to you and you stood up to reach for it hesitantly. Harry assured you that it was okay and that you’d been reading too many books if you thought it was a trap of some sort.

“Thank you, Harry.” You spoke sincerely. You stroked your thumb over the cover and turned the case lid over to start up the screen. The screen lit up and it was set to a picture of your favourite quote, annotated just as you would have in your own book. You chuckled and let a few tears drop from the kindness of all of this.

“And then…” Harry unlocked the Kindle with your birthday as the password, before clicking on the library so you could discover what was waiting for you on your virtual shelves. Harry had downloaded all your most favourite books, whilst also downloading the ones he knew had been on your to-be-read list. He’d even added a few of his favourite books too, just because you liked reading his recommendations.

You smiled, but felt so lost.

“W-why are you here, H?” You asked, closing the lid and bravely looking up into his enchanting eyes. You had to control yourself not to comment on how wondrous they looked.

“To save the day.” He chuckled in repeat, until he knew you weren’t taking that for an answer. “Because I fucked up. Big league time.”

“Yeah.” You whispered, looking down at your shoes to see that they weren’t that far apart at all. He was so close to you, yet he wasn’t yours to catch.

“And i’ll never forgive myself for letting you walk out of that door. The promotion shit with Olivia? Done. I’ve finished. I explained that the movie isn’t as important to me as you. You,” Harry paused to breathe out, and took the risk of guiding your jaw up to meet your gaze with his soft hand, “you are real Y/N. You’re so important and key to my life and it bloody terrified me, still does actually, to think that you make me feel this way. I want everything with you. Marriage, kids, a home. A life. I was so worried I would screw it all up, though, to the point where I did screw it all up. I lost you and so I lost me. It’s selfish of me to ask whether any part of your heart still wants me, but—”

“Yes.” You quickly interjected before he could say something he’d later regret. “There is, yes.”

“R-really?” He stumbled over his response, not expecting you to react so soon but his words had got to you. His feelings were vulnerable and raw and it reminded you of how much you love him and feel safe with him.

“Why? Would you like me to say different.” You teased.

“No,” Harry rushed, stepping closer towards you, “God now. Stay, please. Forever, if you’ll have me?”

“I can deal with forever.” You leaned up to where his lips were, craving the taste of them against yours so badly. “Can I?” You looked between his lips and his eyes, watching his eyes coo in admiration of you. His arms snaked around your neck and cupped the back of your head, resting his ringed fingers against your skin delicately.

“You don’t have to ask, angel.” And with that you didn’t hesitate to reclaim your clips on his. He tasted as sweet and as soft as you could remember. The hint of mint sweets he kept in his car could be tasted all over his mouth, and he could no doubt taste the vodka on yours. He took no time in rushing to have his tongue exploring your mouth once mouth, biting on your lip when he got the chance to. He wanted you to remember this moment and how much love he has for you, and always will. Just as you do for him.

Hesitantly pulling away you smiled at him cheekily, feeling so much lighter and happier to have him here. With you in his arms so expertly.

“What?” He asked, leaving a quick kiss to your nose, inhaling his scent as he did.

“Just can’t believe you’re here.” You stroked his cheek with your thumb, and he leaned into your touch so comfortably. He had missed you so damn much, and it showed.

“Let you down once before and I wasn’t going to do it again.”

“So you’d have shown up even if I hadn’t?”

“Not happily, but yes.” He laughed thinking about it.

“Why?” You laughed with him.

“I’ve got to make my impression on your family somehow. Need to remind some of them how amazing and beautiful their special Y/N L/N is.”

“Some are going to need a lot more persuading than others.” You sighed, side-frowning over your words.

“No offence, but anyone who doesn’t treat you as a fucking diamond doesn’t deserve you and should watch out for kick up their backside from me.” You laughed over his empty threat and buried your head against his chest, listening to the heartbeat and rumble of laughter that came from within. This moment alone felt like home. Safe and warm.

“I love you, H.”

“Bloody love you too.”

Harry ended up returning to the wedding with you, much to your mothers surprise, and you both enjoyed the celebrations together. You shut yourselves out from everybody and just danced, talked and drank the night away.

You were so in love.

Later, photos got leaked of the wedding and it showed you and Harry dancing away in one of the backgrounds of the photos. It was supposed to be a shot of just the bride and groom, but you two have managed to get caught in it. You looked so caught up in each other that you still weren’t even aware the photo had been taken. You and Harry had determinedly avoided the camera all night, exactly for this reason, but a part of you was kind of happy that this one photo got leaked, because it showed the world that Harry was yours and you were his. It showed that you were together, or back-together as addressed by some FBI fans, and that you were stronger for it.

[prelovednikaidou]

corrupt; draken, ken ryuguji [01]

Summary:

In which you met the man of your past, but he didn't come back to remind you of the bitter break-up. Draken had one thing in mind and it was to never let you leave his side ever again. Distance made the heart grow fonder but he'd rather let you spend the rest of your life hating him if it meant you'd never leave his sight.

"I don't wish you well when you ain't with me, I want you crying."

Warning:

mention of suicide, oral receiving (reader),

a/n: taglist are open up to 10 users! comment '☁️'

Word count: 2.1k

series masterlist

[01: jealousy]

Draken wanted to take you away.

The curves of your spine, flowing down to the slope of your well-rounded bottom flesh, he watched the symmetrical dimple right above your butt - mocking him that those precious intimate spots were no longer his possession to own.

It wasn't only him who shared the same thought; everyone in this crowded room had their eyes glued on you. As if you were holding those guests captive, you felt immense pressure on your feet and thighs, quivered before you wrapped your leg around the shining pole.

Spinning, spinning, spinning.

Those blinding lights showered your sweating figure in all fairness, the sound of Abel's voice had long dimmed down, it meant that your show was done. It was silent in a minute,

lifting your face - your lips curled into a hunting smile and the room soared with cheers, crumpled money tossed across the stage, but your sense of content was suppressed by the overwhelming tension.

A pair of black pupils were starring at you - pinning you to where you stood. He was among the crowd, all in his glory without care but you. You felt something burst inside your chest, unable to tear your focus from him.

This longing for him is toxic.

Flashes of memories where those sober eyes bore into yours when he pumped his fat cock into your tight cunt until his thick cum over spilled, the same eyes that once shone with so much love but turned cold.

"Dollface!"

A shout from backstage startled you from your daze, another coworker came up and escorted you down, assisting you to take off the painful high heels.

"What's with you?" She threw a curious stare your way.

You still couldn't wrap your mind. He was there. Flesh and soul, presented in front of you. It was a brief eye contact but it was enough. Enough to tell you that he was coming back for you.

It had been years since the two of you chose to split up, making your paths without each other's companion.

"I, I've got to go. I forgot that I locked the windows, my cat's probably waiting for me. He's been out for 3 days so he's starving I think. Y'all can continue without me,"

You stood but your knees turned weak at the sudden arrival of him, standing by the door. A few steps taken back, you lost all rationality to stay calm because your heart thumped loudly.

Standing tall on his 6' ft, athletic and young Draken was nowhere to be seen but replaced - with a mature adult man that induced everything he carried into lust.

The robust body looked incredibly fit, lean, and you could see the strong outlines of his defined chest and abdominal muscles from the black shirt. If it was years ago, those leather jackets wouldn't suit him - he'd look like those up-start wannabe gangsters.

But it was different now. It clung to his broad shoulders perfectly, he wasn't as cheap as those local pranksters. The dark jeans also did little job in hiding his long legs. He was indeed a member of a gang; eerie and cruel - but he had never look this good that you want to fuck.

Draken's presence was enough to brush away every man in the room that you belonged to him. Your little admirers couldn't even look at him in the eyes, let alone make up a fight.

They left with a strong sense of defeat; no wonder you never once accept any confessions, turned out you have such a man waiting.

"Why is he here? This area is off-limits. Only staff is allowed. Naoki, guide him out." You forced yourself to mutter those words, uncaring to look at him with your back facing him.

Naoki sighed, this man literally slipped $750 under the table just to meet you. Those incompetent flies who claimed to love you didn't even spare this much effort. She only signaled him to step in before she whispered to you,

"Remember the guy I told you? The one that booked a whole session for your private room? He's that guy. It's just that he arrived a little early than the arranged meeting but it'll be great if you can build a connection with him."

You glared back, "Then send him back. We still have a week before that, right? I'm tired. I can't keep up with this," You pushed off her hand from your shoulder, began to take off your wig. His eyes were still the same; always undressing you naked.

Naoki could only grit her teeth, the money already landed in her pocket. What if he asked it back? She can't let such a great deal slip so she greeted him,

"She's a bit tired from the recent show. How about we push this to tomorrow? She's got free time on her hand to rest too." At least, this would do, right?

"If I have so much time on my hands, I wouldn't have come a week early. So you guess it yourself." His voice has changed too. It was an octave lower, you immediately rubbed your thighs together before you waved a hand.

"Haaa... leave us, Naoki. But I need you to go to my house. I wasn't joking about what I said earlier."

Naoki hurriedly nodded, clutching to her pocket before her eyes warily darted from Draken to you. Is this a couple feud? She noted in her head that she'd help this guy soon in the future - who doesn't want easy money?

"Okay, I will. Sir...? Err.. hope you have a pleasant chat with Dollface. I will excuse myself then ." The hindrance in Draken's eyes finally left the room, the door closed in a thump and the subtle tension thickened.

He didn't say anything, only leaned his body by the door as he watched you wiped off your makeup. This was his morning view back when you were still wet behind ears about pole dancing. You'd come back at the crack of drawn and he'd already been out to his workshop.

"Dollface."

Stubborn like a little cat, your doe eyes didn't look up from your make-up bag and he could see through your act to be so busy. He loved how feisty you've become after years. It eased his heart that you could chase off those little shit.

"It suits you, [Y/N]. Face so pretty like a doll. Make one's heart itch to keep around. But I wonder why the name sounds so familiar."

"State your business. I'm heading home straight after this so don't expect a lap dance or something."

"Then that's the plan. I'll drive you home, eh?"

That damn 'eh'. He picked up your habit too well that the time he spent with you shaped him into copying your habit. It sounded cute but your heart still couldn't forgive him. Let him suffer a little.

"Don't need to. My boyfriend is great at doing his job. So do me a favor and let me rest quickly, how about that?"

Now, you were looking at him through the mirror. It was just too hard for you to muster yourself to face him directly. Draken didn't seem shaken. He stood straightly, you clenched your thighs tighter.

"Have I ever been quick in everything when I'm with you, [Y/N]?" His towering figure gawked over your smaller frame - casting his shadow over you as his sharp facial features caught your attention.

"Can't remember. Maybe? Because I said it just now almost like a reflex." You replied, not backing down but instead, squaring up to him that your ample breasts brushed against his torso.

His cologne didn't smell like the tacky, cheap body spray he used to own. This one smelled so expensive, alienated your memory of his familiar scent.

"Now you're getting older, your memory is getting rusty, dollface. Should I put on a play and see if you can call anything in mind?" You felt your breath became heavier but he didn't let you lose your focus yet.

Your chin was tugged upwards, the shadow of his cap cast upon his face and you remembered now; it was his eyes. Because he wasn't vocal about his feelings, you could understand everything from his eyes.

"You've grown softer, Draken. I almost threw up listening to you talk like this. What, are you changing jobs now? Don't tell me you went from a gangster to a con artist."

No, you were lying to yourself. Draken didn't change but improved. Change can be something bad but he never did anything that would bring him down. He just got better.

And it was true when the velvety touch on your beating pulse suddenly moved to your lips before he squished your cheeks in his hand.

"Fucking hot as hell but so damn annoying." He laughed, the light from his eyes never return, only replaced by a wicked glint.

He wanted to take you to his place, fuck you in his bed until you couldn't walk properly so he'd have more reasons to keep you at his place. He wanted to swallow you whole and he barely even started but why was it so damn hard to have you?

"Don't dare to think of anything nasty. You might not care about commitment in a relationship, but I do. So take your hands off me, Draken."

"Kenie. It's Kenie for you."

Your lips were so plump and wet, his other arm wrapped around your waist - hoisting you up to his body before he leaned by the dresser.

You shrieked when his scalding hot palm touched your naked back and as he untied the strings of your bra, he smiled at your face as he said,

"Do you think I'm going to believe that, dollface? Do you really think I don't know that this pussy hasn't been fucked well for months? I have eyes across this ward. You don't get to fool me."

Heat rose to your face, your small hands pushed on his shoulders, "You're still up in my business? Sounds like someone can't fucking move on."

He nodded, ripping off your lacey bralette and his big hands began to palm your heavy breast - carelessly rubbing your nipple with his thumb. You fought the urge to moan, you hold onto his shoulder for dear strength.

"You're right. I can't move on." Your breath hitched, he nuzzled his face to the column of your neck, inhaling so deep, and wrapped his arms tightly around your body. He missed you so much. So much that if you ran away again, he'd just kill himself.

"I fucked my fist thinking of you. I got this hard just by thinking of you. I'm not ashamed of it."

"That's your problem, Draken. I'm not you. I'm living my best life right now, and sorry that I can still cum just with my fingers."

"That's my girl," He pushed you until your back met the concrete wall, your eyes widened when he took off his cap and put it on you before he dropped to his knees.

"I am aware of your appetite, [Y/N]. You won't be happy with such a small meal. You always keep coming back to have your tight pussy stuffed. Even when we were living together, you couldn't stop begging my dick every night."

"What the hell are you talking about-" You pushed his forehead away from your private part, one hand covering your pussy but he gripped the side of your hips - bringing you straight to his mouth.

"I don't care if you use me as your favorite Cherry Twins. But don't deny that I made you cummed the hardest when I was in your life, dollface."

Your eyes became misty, his words just flew through your head - empty when his mouth latched on your clothed crotch, lapping on the small fabric that the nudge of his tongue probed on your budding clit.

Cherry Twins were the name he gave to your vibrators. Since he was always out when you were at home, he'd make you use them to your greedy cunt - even made a video call so he could jerk off in the public restroom.

You were wild, but he taught you to live even wilder.

Next page: chapter [02] →

a/n : next chapter is full smut bcs thats the only thing my brain's capable of. Taglist are open up to 10 users! Comment '☁️’.

Taglist: @hanmascult @q-the-rockaholic @hikkarins

[albertasunrise]

Let the Best Man Win - Part 5

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Summary: You’ve known Frankie all your life and have harboured a crush on him for as long as you can remember. Thing is, he doesn't feel the same. Little do you know, his best friend has a thing for you. What happens when you learn this leads to a messy chain of events that’ll leave more than one person with their heartbroken...

Relationships: Frankie Morales x Reader, Reader x Ben Miller

Warnings: Angst, mentions of in fact death, drug abuse (once again, this hits hard but its all leading to something I swear.)

Part 1, Part 2 Part 3, Part 4

5 years later...

You weren't quite sure what possessed you to brave the bar you'd once frequented with the guys but there you were. You'd secretly kept tags on them all. They'd all been deployed a few times before retiring a little under a year ago, much to your relief.

Tom had a wife and kids now. Ben was a professional MMA fighter. Will, a speaker for the army and Frankie flew choppers for wealthy businessmen. You'd not spoken to them since you'd left. You had needed a new start. To move on from the hurt losing your son had inflicted on you, yet as you stood here within these familiar four walls you realised you'd missed them. You'd come back for a meeting with a local vendor and had decided that night to be nostalgic. Never imagined that you'd see anyone you knew.

"Bug?" Came a small but familiar voice and you froze, you knew that voice anywhere.

You turned on your heels to face a man you'd once known. The man you once loved and you sobbed at the sight that greeted you. It was Frankie, but not the Frankie you knew.

He looked tired, haunted even. He was thin, clearly taking poor care of himself. His hair had grown longer, it poked out the bottom of a standard oil cap that he wore on his head and his usual golden skin tone was almost sallow in appearance. He looked ill.

"Frankie." You acknowledged as you gave him a weak smile "How have you been?"

He shrugged, unsure of how to answer that question.

"You left the army I heard." You stated and he nodded "Must be nice to be free of it."

"Why did you leave?" He choked and you sighed.

Straight to the point.

"Because I had to Francisco." You answered plainly "Because losing the baby, losing Ben, well it was all too much and you didn't want me so I felt like perhaps it would have been better if I left."

"You mean our son?" He stated and you let out a frustrated huff.

"Well, we don't know if he was yours." You repled as you returned your attention to your drink.

"He was." He replied and you looked up at him again, shocked and confused "Ben had ended up getting the test done without us knowing. He was mine."

"Oh." You replied, your heart aching at the thought "Yeah well I needed to get away from it all."

"Did you have to abandon us completely?" He growled, "It wasn't just you who lost him you know."

"Frank-"

"I held myself together for you. Especially after learning that he'd been mine all along and then one day I rock up and you'd fucked off." He growled "I was grieving too and you left me to do that alone. You left and I never knew why."

"Look I'm sorry I hurt you, Frankie." You replied "But let's face it. Our relationship was done after what happened. Losing the baby was the final straw."

Frank didn't say anything else. He just looked you up and down in disgust before leaving for his table and you turned your head to watch him, eyes catching Ben's. You'd always regretted the way you left things but you'd always assumed Frankie would just move on. Seeing him now though. Seeing how sad and sick he looked you wondered if you had played a part in how he looked now. Ben didn't approach you. Just remained where he was and you were grateful for that. You weren't sure you could take any more reunions that night.

You bumped into Ben the following day. You'd gone to a diner you had gone to when you were young and it hadn't been a place you'd ever visited with them so you had been surprised to see him there. It had transpired he was dating one of the waitresses but when you'd walked in, he hadn't hesitated to come and speak to you.

"Long time no see." He said as he sat across from you.

"Yeah." You replied, your guilt making another appearance.

"Where did you go Bug?" He asked and you let out a small sob.

"I uh... I moved to San Antonio." You replied and he nodded "I was never far away."

"Not that we'd have ever known that." He scoffed and you'd winced "It killed Fish what you did."

"I know Ben but-"

"No, you don't." He snapped, shutting you up instantly "You don't know." he paused a moment, taking a sip of his coffee as he thought about what to say "He named him."

"He did?" You asked and Ben nodded.

"Named him Luka." You sobbed at that "Had him buried too. We all forked out for a headstone."

"Ben please-"

"You were fucking selfish leaving." He growled "You lost your baby, I know and my heart bled for you. I grieved for him like he was my own because for a moment he was but you left and Frankie had to deal with his grief without you. You created a life together and you lost it. You should have supported each other."

"I didn't know it was his!" You argued and he scoffed.

"It doesn't matter." He snarled "You shouldn't have left the way you did."

Silence fell over you both for a while. You knew he was right and now that you learned he had named him and even buried him your guilt consumed you even more.

"He uh... He doesn't look well." You said after a short while "Is he sick?"

"In a way." Ben replied "After Luka died and you left, we were deployed to Afghanistan again. Did 3 tours before we all threw in the towel. We all sorta found ways to get reintegrated into society but Fish couldn't. We're helping him with it but he struggles."

"Helping him with what?"

"He's a coke addict Bug." He stated plainly "Currently living on my couch as he lost his house and his job. Luckily not his pilot license but he's in no state to fly"

"What?" You gasped and he nodded.

"He's a mess." Ben stated "He goes to Luka's grave every weekend to sit with him a while though. We celebrate every single birthday too. Don't think he ever moved on."

"You don't." You replied numbly "I never did. I thought moving away from it all would help me heal but the truth is... It never goes away. It just hurts a little less."

"How long are you here for?" He asked and you shrugged.

"My meetings today and then I dunno. I planned to go home but I can work from where ever."

"Please just stay a while." He pleaded "It might help him to see you."

"He seemed pretty disgusted by me last night." You snorted and he sighed.

"Shit Bug I'm desperate here." He choked "I'm scared I'm going to walk through my door one day and he'd gonna have OD'd on my couch. I flush each stash I find but he always seems to have more and I'm losing my fucking mind."

"Okay." You replied, nodding "I'll stay for a little bit but it's not permanent."

"Sure, fine." He replied "Just help me help him. You owe him that at least."

"Yeah." You replied, "I do."

~

Frankie was out of it when Ben got home with you. He was laying on the couch, staring into space and your stomach twisted at the sight of him.

"Fish." Ben said softly as he crouched down so he was eye level with the man "I brought Bug with me."

"You can't have." He said in a pained tone "She left me and our baby."

"I have buddy, see." He said as he motioned for you to come closer "She's right here."

"Hey Frankie." you said gingerly and the man broke down.

You looked at Ben with a concerned expression and he sighed as he scraped a hand over his face.

"He uh... he's pretty out of it. Will be for a while. Why don't you come back later when he's a little more lucid."

"She left me and our baby, Ben." Frankie sobbed and you felt sick.

"I think he's coming down." Ben stated with a sigh "He tends to get really fucking sad when he comes down and then he just shuts himself out from everyone."

"You're good for sticking with him." You stated and Ben snorted

"Someone had to."

That stung. You knew it was aimed at you and you knew you deserved it.

"Is there anything I can get him?"

"Just water. He'll need it." He replied and you nodded, making your way into Benny's kitchen to fetch it.

It was rough, watching Frankie come out of his high. He retreated within himself as Ben said he would but you stayed. You stayed and you waited for him to acknowledge you in some shape or form and when he glanced at you... That was your cue.

"How are you feeling Frank?" You asked softly, handing him another glass of water which he silently accepted from you.

He sipped at it a while before placing it on the coffee table and looking at you with those familiar brown orbs.

"Why are you here?" He asked and you tried not to wince at his question.

"I'm here to help you if I can." You stated and he snorted at you in contempt "You've made a mess of things Francisco. You lost your house! Your parent's house!"

"Shit I know that okay." He snapped "I get that you left and you ended up successful, with the perfect life and the fiancé."

"We broke up." You growled, "How'd you even know that?"

"You're still friends with Beth and whenever I saw her she'd gush about you. Course I didn't give a shit."

"Right." You scoffed "Sounds like it."

"What the fuck do you want from me, huh?" He shouted "You left me behind and look how it turned out for you. Clearly, I was the anchor holding you back so leave! Go back to your perfect life."

"Why did you think coke was a good escape from your demons Frank?" You asked, ignoring his obvious digs at you "Why did you think it would help?"

"Because it takes the pain away a while." He sobbed and your heart broke.

"Pain of what you saw?" You asked and he nodded, his eyes drifting up to you "And what I lost."

"I miss him too you know." You stated as a few tears traced down your cheeks "I carried him inside of me for 5 months. When I saw the blood I sobbed. I knew I was losing him and there was nothing I could do to stop it."

"I go see him all the time." Frankie admitted and you nodded "Ben told you, huh?"

"Yeah, he did." You replied and Frankie let out a breathy chuckle "I want to stop. Fuck I want to I mean look at the state of me but it's so fucking hard Bug."

"Why don't we go see him together?" You suggested and he nodded "We can get through this together Frank. I abandoned you once, I won't do it again."

"It wasn't just Luka I mourned." Frankie sobbed and you gave him a bemused expression "I mourned the loss of you too. It took me losing you for me to realise I was in love with you."

"Frank, you don't need to do this."

"I do." He said firmly "I need to say it out loud because I never have till now."

"Okay." You replied, motioning for him to continue.

"I think I kinda knew all along." He started, picking up his water to take another sip "I couldn't get enough of you and I fooled myself into thinking it was just lust. I mean... I'd always noticed you were attractive but we'd been friends so long it seemed weird to act on any attraction there.

"But when I did, it awoke something in me that I didn't want to admit. You engulfed my every thought. My every waking moment was consumed by the thought of you and the memory of your touch but I convinced myself it was nothing. I'd never been in love before."

He paused a moment, his eyes settling on you finally as he continued.

"After the initial shock of learning you were pregnant wore off I knew that I wanted it. I wanted him so much and when the doctor told me they hadn't been able to save him well... I'd never felt grief like that before."

"Nor I." You piped up, giving him a sad smile.

"I tried so hard to keep myself together for you. You were so sad, and withdrawn and I just wanted to take your pain away but behind closed doors, I was falling apart. I'd popped around yours a few days after Ben and I headed home with a peace offering because I know we'd been overbearing but you were gone. Didn't even leave a note and my heart broke all over again."

"I had to get out Frankie. Everything here reminded me of him, of what I'd lost and I couldn't stand it. I had to put myself first." You said and he nodded numbly "I am genuinely sorry I hurt you. I just... I couldn't stay."

"Right." He said as his eyes drifted to the glass on the coffee table "I'm tired Bug." He said after a moment of awkward silence.

"Sure, okay." You said as you grabbed your things "I'll come by tomorrow and we can see him together."

"Luka." He piped up and you stopped in your tracks "He has a name." He continued as he looked up at you with a pained expression.

"We'll see Luka tomorrow." You said, realising at that moment that that was the first time you'd uttered the name he'd given your son.

~

It was chilly as you walked through the maze of headstones. Frank was in front of you, walking it expertly and showing just how many times he'd made this trip. You'd woken this morning, unsure you were ready to do this. You'd only learned a few days ago that the child you'd lost had been given a name. Not officially, of course, you had the death certificate but you'd danced around the issue of whether to bury him and had, in the end, asked the hospital to deal with it. You'd been unaware that Frankie had taken it upon himself after learning that Luka had indeed been his. When the two of you came to a stop, you were greeted by a pale grey headstone with simple wording on it. You supposed there wasn't much that could have been put on it, he'd online lived after birth for all of 30 minutes but what was written seemed fitting.

You were surprised to see that Frankie had put your last name instead of his and it gave you pause. A million questions then ran through your head as you looked up at the man who was silently sobbing at your side.

"Hey, buddy. I brought momia with me today." He said as he placed a small toy down "Uncle Ben got you a little something, I'll just leave it here for you." He finished before looking over at you and you didn't even think, you just grabbed his hand and squeezed.

"This is beautiful, Frank." You said softly, giving him a small smile "I'm glad you have somewhere to come when you want to remember him."

"He lived." He choked "Even if it was for a really short time, he still lived and he deserved somewhere to rest."

You nodded, eyes drifting to the headstone again and smiling at the array of toys that lay at its base. It was clear it was well maintained. No dead flowers or soiled trinkets like some of the other graves that sat around you, this one was cared for.

"Thank you for coming." He said softly and you smiled at him.

"You're welcome, Frank."

...

A short while later you were dropping him back at Ben's, the two of you coming to a stop at the front door before he stopped and turned to face you. You could tell he was nervous but you weren't sure why. So you waited for him to speak with a smile as your hand gently held his.

"I missed you, Bug." He started, his eyes not leaving the ground in front of your feet "I searched for you. For years but you have loyal friends, no one was willing to tell me where you were." You chuckled at that, but your smile didn't reach your eyes as he continued "I want to get better. I hate being a burden to my friends and you being here now... it's the first time in months I've not wanted a fix."

"That's great." You said with a smile "I'll stay as long as you need me, Frankie." You said, the two of your gazing at each other.

Frankie could feel his heart hammering in his chest. He's waited for this moment for so long and now that it was here, he didn't know what to do with it. He glanced at your joined hands before looking back at you and it was your smile that lead him to do it. His free hand grabbed the back of your head and pulled you into a kiss that he poured every ounce of his love and adoration for you into but he was left with a sour taste in his mouth when you pulled away.

"Shit Frank, what are you doing?" You yelped and his stomach sank.

"I-"

"I don't think about you that way anymore. I'm sorry if I lead you on in any way but I moved on." You snapped and he suddenly felt so incredibly foolish.

Of course, you didn't love him anymore.

"I... I'm..." He quickly fumbled for his keys and opened Ben's door "I waited for you for 5 years."

"I didn't ask you to." you answered back and he sobbed.

"No, you just forgot about us all." He said before slipping through the door and slamming it shut.

"Shit." You breathed before resting your head against the cool wood "Frank I'm sorry... I want to help."

"I don't need it." He muttered from the other side and you felt your anger return.

"Fine. I'll head home then." You growled, but he didn't answer "Goodbye, Francisco."

~

You'd been on the road for almost an hour. Ben had called three times in the last five minutes and you were growing irritated. You'd tried to help but Frank was beyond it. You didn't have time to waste on a guy that didn't want to be saved.

It was the fifth ring that you answered, your tone irritated as you spoke "What Ben?"

"Shit Bug, why the hell do you keep hanging up on me?" He snapped and your anger simmered more.

"Because I am driving and I don't need a lecture on how I failed to help Francisco."

"Jesus Bug, I'm not calling to lecture you."

"Then what do you want?" You snapped and you swore you heard a pained sob fall from Ben's lips.

"I'm at the hospital." Your stomach sank "My worst fear came true Bug. I found him half-dead on the couch when I got back. He had crashed in the ambulance. Shit, it's bad Bug... it's really bad."

"What hospital are you at?" You asked, your heart hammering in your chest as guilt started to consume you.

"St David's." He stated and you nodded.

"I'll be there soon." You assured and you knew he was sobbing now.

"Hurry, Bug. Please."

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𝚃𝚠𝚘 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝙳𝚊𝚍𝚍𝚢

________________________

𝙱𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚢 𝙱𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

𝚁𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍: ANON Hey you ❤️ Could I request an imagine with Bucky where you are his non-avenger girlfriend but you got really distant towards him lately as you found out you're pregnant and you're scared of his reaction? But then he finds out and is all happy and all other avengers are happy for you and insist on taking care of you and it's just all fluffy ? Thank you a lot ❤️

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: really fluff smut 18+ (praise, daddy kink, slight mommy kink?, breeding kink, oral fem!rec, age gap, etc), slight angst, cw: mentions of eating disorders (no one has one but bucky thinks this)

𝙰𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛’𝚜 𝙽𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜: listen…. The idea of kids and having kids getting pregnant all that jazz, yeah. It fucking terrifies me! LOL! But nonetheless I really do see the appeal and sometimes i catch myself reading these kinds of fics so i really hope you like it anon! :)

PS: updates are going to slow down cuz i don’t have any drafts ready for upload and also things are a little crazy personally so yeah hope y’all understand :)

_____________________________

“You like that baby?” Bucky groaned in your ear.

“Yes daddy! Oh my god,” you moaned.

“You’re being such a good little girl for your daddy. Fuck, daddy. You're gonna make me a daddy. I’m gonna come inside you and you’re gonna get all swollen and round with my baby. You want that? You wanna be a mommy; make me a daddy?” 

Bucky and you both expressed in the past that kids were something you both wanted but with Bucky still heavily involved with missions and the avengers, and you were in college studying to get a PhD in biomechanics and computer engineering, something that would let you understand and work with Bucky specifically very closely. You were too young to have a baby but that didn’t stop you from playing into fantasies of having a family with the man you were so in love with. 

“Daddy,” you moaned.

“Give it to me, baby,” you looked him into his eyes.

Bucky kissed you hard as you both came and after cleaning yourselves up you had showered together, ate dinner quickly, and soon went to bed. 

That was two months ago. 

Three weeks after that night, Bucky was gone for about two weeks on a mission with Steve. You and the girls were drinking wine but you opted out for the tempting glasses feeling nauseous that entire week. 

As a joke, the girls were saying you were pregnant but you were sure that you and Bucky were always cautious when having sex. It wasn’t a good time to have a baby. So you joked that all three of you should take a pregnancy test and when yours came out positive you freaked out. 

“Oh my god! Bucky’s gonna kill me!” you panicked.

“Hey, relax. It’s ok,” Nat comforted you.

“We can get through this. Now did Bucky explicitly say he doesn’t want kids?” Wanda asked.

“No, we both want kids it’s just, ugh, life is so fucking crazy right now and I’m still in school, Bucky’s going on missions all the time. It’s just not a good time to have a baby.”

“Ok think about it this; if life for us was normal, as boring as that is, would Bucky be upset if you were pregnant?” Nat reasoned.

“No, he would be so happy. He wants to be a dad, it’s just so sudden,” you said in distress.

“It’s always sudden with this situation. But what’s more important is that you have support. Whatever your decision is in the end we'll all support you, even Bucky,” Nat told you.

Bucky came back home and immediately knew that there was something that was upsetting you. You promised him that you were alright but you were conflicted. You tried to tell him, you really did, but there wasn’t a good time. 

One night Bucky tried to initiate sex when you two had the tower to yourselves. You were instantly distant with him afraid he’d take one look at your naked body and know you were pregnant and that freak you out. 

“Baby, are you ok?” Bucky asked that night.

“Yeah, I just don’t feel good,” you didn’t actually lie, the pregnancy did affect your appetite drastically and many foods you used to adore before were repulsive to you. 

“Oh ok, do you need anything?” he was concerned.

“No, I think I’m ok.”

Now present day, you and Bucky hadn’t had sex since. It’s been a little over two months and Bucky wasn’t frustrated per say but he missed you; he missed having his hands on your warm and soft skin. He missed the way you squirmed under him and the little whimpers you made. How good your walls felt as he thrusted in and out of you torturously slow. 

You two were in the kitchen sitting with some of the other team members. So far only Nat and Wanda knew about your pregnancy as hard as it was to not tell Vision or Steve or literally anyone. You stared at the breakfast sitting in front of you; it used to be your favorite but looking at it and smelling it was making you extremely nauseous. 

“Baby?” Bucky rubbed your back.

“Hm?”

“Why aren’t you eating? It’s your favorite,” he said.

“I’m not too hungry,” you said.

Bucky wasn’t convinced but because you were in front of other people he didn’t want you to feel embarrassed like a father scolding a teenager. His hand rested on your thigh and immediately felt your leg tense up. 

You retracted and stood up walking away without saying a word and Bucky was confused and followed you quickly shoving as much food in his mouth as he could and tossed his plate in the sink. 

“What’s going on with them?” Steve asked.

“Oh no are they gonna break up?” Sam asked with genuine concern, as much as he fucked around with Buck he did admire your relationship. You are really good for him and he loved you unconditionally.

“No, it’s just-” Wanda started.

“Wanda,” Nat warned. 

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” she rolled her eyes, “There fine. Y/n’s just not feeling well and she doesn’t want to be bothered.”

Bucky walked into your shared room and found you changing into yet another hoodie. That’s when he started piecing things together; or at least he thought. You were always wearing very big clothing and covering your body; that he thought was the most beautiful he’d ever laid eyes on. You were constantly nauseous and refused to eat even some of your favorites dishes and meals. You wouldn’t let him touch even though he’s initiated a couple of times.

“Y/n?” Bucky asked.

“What?” you played dumb.

“Y/n, what’s going on?”

“Nothing, I told you I don’t feel good.”

“That seems to be your excuse a lot.”

“What does that mean?” you asked.

“Y/n, be honest with me. Are you starving yourself?” he had tears in his eyes; he couldn’t even think about you doing this to yourself.

“What! Bucky no! I’m not, ugh, just,” you stuttered.

“What is going on, please tell me, baby?”

“I’m pregnant!”

Silence. Bucky was shocked. You were pregnant? How long? Why didn’t you tell him? 

“I’m so sorry, Buck,” you started crying.

“No, no, no, no, don’t cry babygirl,” Bucky hugged you tightly while you sobbed into his chest.

“I’m happy, I’m really happy and excited for us. We’re gonna be a family,” he smiled.

“You’re not mad?”

“Why would I be mad?”

“I don’t know, I know we talk about this and having a family but not now. I thought you’d be mad at me.”

“Well, I’m a bit bummed that you didn’t tell when you found out but no; I’m so happy. I love you from the bottom of my heart and I would do anything for you. I’m gonna be here every step of the way and we’re gonna get through this together, ok?”

“Ok,” you sniffled. 

“Are you ok? Do you need anything?” Bucky already started going into protective dad mode and he just found out.

“No I just need you,” you whispered. 

“God, I love you,” Bucky picked you up and laid you on the bed littering your face in kisses.

“Does anyone else know?” he asked you.

“Well, uh, the girls,” you said.

“You told the girls?”

“Well, they were drinking and i declined because I was feeling sick and they joked that I was pregnant so we all took pregnancy tests as a joke but mine came out positive. I took two more and they were all positive,” you started tearing up.

“Hey don’t cry, it’s ok.”

“Sorry,” you laughed.

“We’re gonna be ok, right baby?” he whispered.

“Yeah, I love you.”

Bucky leaned down again and pressed kisses to your neck making you giggle. His warm hands trailed under your shirt making your skin burst into chills. Bucky’s lips continued their assault on your neck and before you knew Bucky started lifting your sweater over your head.

You did the same to Bucky and your chests were pressed against each other instantly as he kissed you hard. Bucky trailed kisses down your body slowly, hands rubbing your skin softly, lips staying longer than usual around your stomach for obvious reasons. 

Bucky peeled your sweats from your body and didn’t hesitate to dive in. His tongue licking a long strip against your pussy. You moan softly and your hips wiggled under him. He pressed down on you to keep you from squirming but you were getting very close to your orgasm and it just felt too good. 

Bucky brought his fingers and circled your entrance before inserting a finger slowly. He looked up at you moaning at his fingers and this encouraged Bucky to insert another one. His fingers slipped in and out with ease with your arousal practically dripping from you. 

Bucky leaned forward and circled his tongue around your clit. The obsecene sounds of Bucky finger fucking you echoed in the room and you finallly climax, cumming all over his finger. Bucky crawled up your tired body after taking his pants and boxers off. 

Bucky didn’t bother putting a condom considering you’ve been his only partner the past couple years and he got you pregnant. He pumped his cock a few times before grabbing your legs to wrap around his waist and easily slipped between your folds. 

“Fuck, baby girl. You feel so good,” Bucky moaned in your ear.

“Oh shit, yes,” you whimpered.

“Oh you’re gonna be so beautiful when you're all big and swollen, shit. You’re gonna be the sexiest mommy in this whole fucking world.”

“Ugh! And you’re gonna be such a sexy daddy,” you smirked and cupped his face.

He leaned down and kissed you passionately. He thrusted into you harder and your back arched into his chest, moaning high pitched and loudly. Your hands tugged on his hair and Bucky groaned in your mouth. 

“Oh Buck, I’m gonna come,”you said against his lips.

“Let go, baby. Come for me, mommy,” Bucky said. 

You came hard; your body contracted and trembled, your stomach tightened, your toes curled, and your legs pulled Bucky deep inside you, hot spurts of his cum coating your walls. Bucky settled on you but bounced back afraid he was crushing the baby.

He went to the bathroom, well practically sprinted, and returned with a warm towel to clean you up. Your body laid still while you were cleaned and you just watched Bucky with adoration. He left again and returned wearing boxers and held a bottle of your favorite lotion that you usually saved for special nights or for Tony’s parties.

You smiled and got comfortable as Bucky poured some lotion in his hand. His hands spread the lotion evenly on your body; thumbs skimming your sensitive nipples, gently caresses all over your stomach, teasing grazes along your inner thighs. You closed your eyes and felt euphoria. 

The love of your life was really pampering you and you felt so good. 

“I love you,” you whispered.

“I love you, too,” Bucky kissed your forehead, crawling into the bed with you.

“Let’s stay in all day. My girl is pregnant and she’s gonna need all the rest she can get,” Bucky joked.

“But what about-”

“No, who cares,” bucky interrupted.

“But-”

“No buts.”

“What are we gonna tell the rest of the team?”

“Oh, well. It’s your body, your comfort. You tell them when you feel it’s best. But I do hope it’s soon because I’m so happy and I don’t think i'd be able to keep this a secret for long,” Bucky dived his head in your neck making you laugh.

“Ok,” you whispered.

“Man, I’m gonna be a dad,” Bucky sighed happily.

“You’re gonna be daddy,” you said innocently.

“I’m already your daddy,” he playfully growled.

“Then you’re gonna be two types of daddy,” you smirked.

“Two types of daddy.”

=======================

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NONE OF THIS WAS MEANT TO HAPPEN- PART 2

NATASHA ROMANOFF x BLACKWIDOW!READER

SUMMARY; After being apprehended by the Avengers and growing closer to Natasha, you let slip a secret she didn't know you knew. What happens when she realises you know the truth?

WARNINGS; mentions of abuse, swearing, previous suicide attempt, self harm, self doubt, mental health, smoking, drinking. sad natasha.

-PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION-

WORD COUNT; 4.5K

-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-

“So you’re telling me Yelena lied?”

Natasha didn’t expect this. She hadn't heard that name for a while now, not since destroying the Red Room herself with the help from her but since then nothing but radio silence. She thought Yelena was too busy still trying to free other widows but she knew from finding you and helping you Yelena hadn't finished her mission yet. But she was confused at how you knew Yelena and still had her in your mind even through the torture of the mind control and manipulating you had experienced. She continued staring at you, she didn't know what to do or say to you.

“So was she lying or not Natasha?” your voice came through her ears making her refocus. Your voice sounded desperate to know the truth, you needed to know the truth.

“I don't know what you’re talking about y/n.” Nat knew she should tell the truth, why was she still hiding this part of her past from you, no one knew about the help she had received when destroying the red room but no one knew her as well as you. Only knowing each other for this short amount of time you both opened up in different ways, it was freeing for Natasha to see someone who went through the same pain as she did and it helped guide her in helping you. Knowing if she could help you it’d help herself, she still saw all the red in her ledger but she was determined to wipe it in hopes she could help you wipe yours. She knew how you felt about the terrible things you did under control and for all the years up until now. She knew you shared the same pain. Apart from you only had Natasha. Slowly growing more open with the team but Natasha had you AND the team, the team she had grown so close with over the years to now finally call her family. But still the lie fell from her lips like it was a simple song.

“You’re lying, I know you're lying and I don't understand why it's me Natasha!” your voice only grew louder the more frustrated you got.

“I still remember holding Yelena the day you managed to escape the Red Room, I remember her crying and having to keep her quiet at night so no one saw her and thought she was weak! She constantly fell asleep holding the only memory she had left of you. But it all stopped months after I was taken from her in my sleep being transferred to a new location! I remember mouthing to her ‘it’ll be ok, we will find eachother again’ but after that nothing. I cannot even remember how long ago that was now Natasha, the years after being put through the mind control barely anything feels real. It was all confusing at the time trying to work out who this girl was that I kept seeing in my dreams and anytime I asked them it would only end in a beating. I knew not to ask anymore. But I remember being sent on this mission to kill you Natasha! I remember after I finally woke up again and saw your face that this person in front of me will help because my friend never gave up hope in you! It was like all I could see was Yelena and this random blue haired girl!”

“I'm not lying. I don't know who or what you're talking about!” another lie, slipping past her lips like it was nothing. Her lies only fueled you with more anger and frustration. Her face just stayed staring at you like she was trying to burn the lie into your head. You thought you knew her, but the person who was standing in front of you now lying was most definitely not the same person you shared a kiss with only moments ago.

“You said I could trust you Natasha. You might be able to get away with lying to the team but you're forgetting we were taught to lie by the same people. I can see straight through you.” your voice hit back at her laced with venom, she could see the disappointment in your eyes. You slowly turned to leave, you couldn't stand here with her right now knowing she was lying. How could she lie to you after everything she has helped you with over the last few months. You thought you loved her, you thought she might have loved you. You got off the bed and walked towards the door, you couldn't be here right now.

“Y/n/n wait.” she grabbed your wrist, stopping you from reaching the door, the same wrist that was littered in a big scar from the time you woke up. Her touch burnt, all she received from you was a flinch and you pulling your wrist from her touch.

“Don't you dare fucking touch me Natalia! Only moments ago I thought I finally had someone I could trust, someone who would keep me safe. But now all I see is the Black fucking Widow stood infront of me. So no Natalia, I won't wait. I won't stand here while you lie to me straight through your teeth. I wont stand here while you tell me you don't know who or what i’m talking about when I held that some person for months through her fucking tears because her so called sister left without her! I picked up the pieces you fucking ruined and now you expect me to stand here and think that you're telling me the truth and Yelena lied all those years? You expect me to think the voice in my head the day I woke up after I slit my wrist wide open telling me to trust you is fucking lying? Because if it was lying I wish, I fucking wish I let myself bleed out right then and there.” You knew you hit her then, like your voice was so loud filling the room like it was pounding in her ears. She knew you were right that it wasn’t her standing in front of you but was the Black Widow trying to manipulate her targets for information. Before she could even reply, the sound of the door slamming brought her back to focus. She quickly wiped her cheek as she felt the tears slowly falling from her eyes, not even remembering when she had started crying. Why did she lie? Why did she ruin the chances of you? Ruining your trust like it didn't take so much time to try and gain it? What had she done? Her and Yelena were ok now, they had worked on their differences and she had apologised for what had happened all the years ago but why wouldn't she tell you that? She knew Yelena held a grudge and hated her for leaving without her when they finally saw each other again but that wasn't the case now. Everything was different now and the main difference was Natasha finally realising that maybe she was falling for you and she had ruined all her chances in that becoming a reality. She needed to give you space, she knew that if she was to chase you now it would only make you more angry, she knew she needed to figure out how to talk to you and explain why she had done what she had done, until then she couldn't risk seeing you.

-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-

It had been a week since your argument with Natasha. Nothing made sense to you. It was driving you crazy at how she lied to you like you were nothing to her, like you weren't the person she had spent nights laughing with over stupid movies and also crying too when talking about each other's pasts. You had only slept once since then, a few hours after your argument, you had finally made your way back to your room knowing she would have left. You felt exhausted, only moments before your argument you had woken up from a terrible nightmare to then being in the comfort of her arms, to then kissing her to then shouting. It was like the only thing your body wanted to do was sleep right then and there. When you woke up hours later looking at your clock did you see the time read 4am, you had slept for 12 hours and by that point you understood why.

-flashback-

You steadily got out of your bed still feeling disgusted from being in your gym clothes from the day before everything happened, you made your way to the shower knowing you needed to rid all this grime off of yourself. You stood still in the shower letting the water fall off your shoulders like it was the first time you had ever seen water before it felt relaxing. Letting yourself get lost in the feeling of it but still your mind grew to the thought of what it would be like if Natasha was standing behind you right now washing your hair, touching you so delicately like you could break from any sudden movement. It felt too overwhelming. You crumbled to your knees like your body could no longer hold your weight anymore, your tears getting lost within the water that was over your face. It felt like you couldn't breathe, you were trapped in a place with nobody you could trust. Your mind grew dark so quickly, like the only way to get out of this place was to reopen that wrist but she still lingered in your mind, the thought of her finding you on this shower floor was breaking you even more. Why were you still feeling this sympathy for her after everything that had happened. You couldn't do this you needed to get rid of this feeling inside, it felt like your body was on fire, you felt scared and it was something you hadn't felt for a few months now, you had felt safe in her presence to now feeling as if you would leave this room and pass out, you needed it gone. You scrambled up from your feet in a hurry trying to find anything in your bathroom for a release, you remembered Natasha had made sure anything you could hurt yourself with had been removed from your pending room after your incident. There was nothing in here you could even butter bread with, it only made you feel more anger towards her. You stopped looking, taking a deep breath and staring at yourself in the mirror, wiping your hand over the mirror to see yourself clearer due to the fog clinging to it. And that's when you realised this would do. Bringing your clenched fist up to pound into the mirror sending shards flying everywhere, thank god for your enhancements you thought, that brought a light chuckle out of you. Frantically picking a big enough shard off the floor and moving yourself to sit on the toilet you knew this would help. Blood came seeping out of each cut, dripping down your leg and running onto the floor, you knew you'd done enough. The pain you felt inside had felt like it had disappeared more and more after every cut. You moved back into the shower preparing yourself for the sharp stings of pain that would soon follow, washing yourself quickly and exiting your bathroom, closing the door and leaving it shut. You knew you’d had to clean up later but for now you dragged yourself back to your bed in hopes to sleep more even though you knew you wouldn’t.

-end flashback-

You sat on the balcony of the compound still trying to work out how and why this had happened, you hadn't seen her for a week, you knew people had grown suspicious as to why you weren't joint at her hip and instead was constantly wrapped in a blanket on the balcony. The only person to come over and talk to you was Wanda, you would never say much. Only asking her if she could get you some cigarettes from the shop and some vodka, you knew if she said no you could always just ask FRIDAY to get some delivered, but she always came back hours later with the two things you'd asked her for, you always sent her the softest smile with a quiet thank you and she would leave after that. You wondered if she knew she was feeding into your new addictions and a way to stop the pain coming forward. You wondered if you were taking advantage of her but still you never wondered to ask.

-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-

You brought the cigarette up to your lips lighting it quickly, the feeling burning your throat and lungs as you slowly inhale the toxic chemicals it gives out, you had never smoked before this whole thing with Natasha, it wasn't until you had seen someone smoking in a movie did you grow curious of whole thing but now look, it was like you was a natural. Cigarette in one hand, half a bottle of vodka in the other, that is all you've done all week. You only moved from this spot to go to the toilet, not even bothering with food. It wasn't healthy and you knew that, you also knew this was a pathetic way of coping from everything with Natasha but it was helping.

A small cough is what brought you out of your train of thoughts, you looked up towards the door seeing her standing there. You hated how the first thing you thought was how beautiful she looked with the moonlight shining in just the right way. It made her eyes even more beautiful than they already were, you threw your head back to look at the trees across from you, no you needed to be angry at her.

“Smoking isn’t good for you, you know.” you wanted to chuckle at her but the hurt seeping through your veins was too much to deal with, gulping down the growing lump in your throat you continued smoking while staring. She sighed moving to sit opposite you so she constricted your view. You now sit facing her staring into her beautiful emerald orbs hoping the tears don't start to fall.

“I’m sorry” watching her slowly lowering her head after her words, her hands running through her hair, you're sure you heard a slight sniffle but you continued to stare, not caring to reply.

“Please say something, anything” she sounded so vulnerable, so small but you needed an explanation not just an apology. You go to speak but your tears are already threatening to fall so you turn your head to the side gulping down some vodka to ignore the pain.

“I'm not good at apologising, I'm even worse at talking about my past. I did lie. But I shouldn't have. I lied because I didn't want to remember what I did to her back then, the things I did in general back then.” you finally turned to look at her again slowly nodding for her to continue.

“Me and Yelena, we…errrr...we had a mission when we were young. Acting as sisters with two other agents as our parents. It was nice, you know, acting normal. I went from being in the Red Room, to a normal life. To then just be taken back away again. But it was different for her, I tried to not let them take her, she was too young, but like they said, I was younger…” she stayed staring down at her feet, you could tell it was a lot for her to be doing this, you were thankful she was opening up telling you the truth but you could see her discomfort seeping through. Holding out the bottle of vodka for her to take she brought her head up slowly looking at you and then to the bottle. She let out a light chuckle moving to accept the bottle from you and taking a drink. She gave it back, wiping the few tears that had escaped, you thought she was done talking until she sighed and carried on.

“I held her as they took us to the Red Room again, well me again, not her. It was terrifying. I just held her trying to shield her from seeing anything and everything, she just clung to me, sobbing. We were so young and I knew what was going to happen to her and there was nothing more I could do. I knew as soon as we were there she'd be taken from me and I'd never see her again. But I did see her, of course you know I did. It was quick stares walking past each other or it was me looking for her subtly when we would be eating, I couldn't protect her anymore. We could only protect ourselves. Any signs of love, affection or even friendship were frowned upon. How could I comfort her or look after her when everything I wanted to do I would have been punished for? That would have scared her even more. So I kept to myself.���

You didn't know how to react or what to do, the woman who was so continuously strong no matter what was thrown at her was sitting in front of you sobbing, it broke your heart and you knew it was breaking hers.

“Tasha, it's ok. Please.” you couldn't watch her cry anymore but you knew there was so much more she needed to say.

“No, y/n I...I need to do this.” you gave her a small nod, urging her to continue as you swallowed your own tears.

“She got out about 7 months ago too. Things happened and well me, her and our parents, Alexei and Melina. We took down Dreykov, we took down the main Red Room. I found out about all of these other widows that were placed all around the world being controlled. Yelena had this antidote that managed to break widows out of mind control, she found out the hard way what it was but we managed to save the widows that were at that Red Room. We only had one dose left, so with the help from Melina and Alexei they created more so they could go and save all the girls that were left. When you showed up I knew that clearly she hadn't finished the whole mission yet but I knew that 4 months wasn't a lot of time to do that hence why she hadn't reached you yet. I hadn't been in contact with any of them since then, I tried to get in touch but I never received anything back even up until two weeks ago.” she had stopped crying now, she looked more comfortable talking, it released this ache in your heart knowing she was becoming ok. You just wanted to hug her, so you did. You moved quickly, cigarettes and bottle of vodka long forgotten about and settled on her lap. She tensed slightly when you first sat down but soon enough you felt her relax, you just couldn't stop looking at her. Her eyes glassy from the tears she had shed, the light smell of the vodka she had drunk coming out from her lips as she breathed slowly. You just forgot everything that had happened in the past week. You cupped her face making sure all of her attention was on you, leaning in slowly to finally connect your lips in a gentle kiss. You finally moved away when you felt tears dripping down your cheeks, not evening knowing if they were yours or hers. Her hand came to settle on your cheek wiping away the tears that had fallen, the smallest of a smile on her face.

“I went to find them this week.” her words shocking you, making you shake your head confused. She laughed lightly at your reaction.

“Arguing with you just made me realise that I had no clue what was going on, I just left them with this information and took off, so I went to Melinas where I knew one of them would be and saw them there. That's why I had been gone all week.”

You felt relief when something rolled through you, although all this week you had been trying to avoid her, every time you moved from the balcony to the toilets you hoped she would pop out of nowhere. It wasn't until the third day you thought she was actively trying to avoid you too, it's what made you grow more angry. Thinking she just upped and left without a word but you now knew she didn't and suddenly all this anger and pain you felt towards her through the week was gone off your shoulders, but you now hated yourself for the way you reacted, the way you screamed and shouted at her for lying when now you understood why she done what she done out of fear of remembering. You hated yourself for the way you threw yourself into hurting yourself along with smoking and drinking. The guilt settled in your chest, it felt like it was too much to handle once again and you couldn't stop the tears from crashing down, a painful sob falling out of you as you suddenly felt like you could feel your thighs starting to tear and bleed again, like you could feel your throat burning from the bottles of vodka you had consumed and your lungs feeling as if they were suffocating from all the cigarettes you managed to smoke in such a short time.

Natasha reacted quickly, holding you tighter as you tucked yourself into the crook of her neck, a death grip on the back of her shirt as if, if you were to let go, this would all be a dream and she would disappear.

“Hey, hey, hey. Shhh it's ok, you're ok, I’m ok. We are ok. I'm here. I'm sorry for what happened and I'm sorry for leaving without explaining. I'm just so sorry.” her words were meant to be comforting but it only made you sob more.

“The things I did when you were gone Tasha, I overreacted. I'm sorry for everything I said that day of our argument. I understand everything now I do and I'm so grateful for you telling me and I'm so happy Yelena is safe. I'm so sorry. I’m so, so, so sorry.” your voice muffled as you sobbed into her neck only made her grow nervous. No one had said anything about you all week when she called to check in on everyone.

“y/n, what happened?” She spoke so softly, one hand stroking small circles at the bottom of your back and the other hand moving to the side of your hair to move your head up so you were looking at her. It made the words you were trying to say even harder seeing how much her eyes showed her concern and worry.

“M...my...my bathroom, I...I...I ruined it, haven't been in my room since you left. I've stayed out here just smoking and drinking Tasha. I felt so angry and hurt and I hate what I did because now I understand why and what happened and I just overreacted so much and all I've done is cause myself pain and I know you don't want to know or even think that but I have. I hurt myself Tasha, I broke my mirror to do it, gosh thats so fucking stupid and it was only the one time and that doesn't make that ok I know that but it hurts so much. I feel like I'm suffocating, this guilt is too much. You've come back to explain and now here I sit crying and making it sound like everything I did this week was your fault but it wasn't. I'm sorry.” you rambled on continuing to sob, her eyes now just looked so sad, it broke you but you couldn't stop the ‘I’m sorrys’ from falling off your lips but she still stayed stroking your back, leaning your foreheads together telling you over and over that it was ok and she forgave you.

Your sobs finally slowly subsided, the exhaustion finally settling in after the week that had gone by so slowly, it consumed you. But Natasha never let up her continuous flow of ‘its oks’ and never failed to tell you ‘I’m here’ until you finally settled in silence. The silence felt comfortable between you, even though the past hour or maybe even longer held so much pain for the both of you. Your grib finally loosens on her t-shirt, moving to sit up straight to look at her.

“Я люблю вас” she blurts out in a hurry, you stayed staring at her in shock. You made no move to reply or even hug her or kiss her, it made her grow nervous. You felt her tense underneath you straight after it came flying out of her mouth.

“It's fine, you don’t need to...umpth” you cut her off short pulling her into an intense kiss, moving to straddle her lap, she moaned softly into you, making you melt. Even through the gentleness it still felt so rough and aggressive, neither of you pulling away until air became a problem.

“я люблю тебя больше моя Наталья”

-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-

The night seemed to flow so much more calmly after your late night confessions. You both moved to Natashas suite in hopes of getting some more privacy. Your night consisted of movies playing in the background as you both consumed each other with so much love and affection. You knew for sure that no one could ever love you or care for you the way this woman could. It overfilled your heart with so much joy, that even after these years where she was in pain and she blamed herself and the word for everything that had happened to her, that she could still love and feel so deeply. How she could still love you with so much passion in such a short amount of time, when you both grew up being told that it would make you vulnerable and that it was for children.

You knew the way you grew up was terrible and traumatic but in this moment, laying in Natashas arms sharing the smallest of kisses, giggles erupting from both of you, kind words whispered as if anything louder would ruin the moment, you were somewhat grateful that somehow no matter where this life was suppose to take you or what was meant to happen with you, you had never been so happy to have failed your mission against Natasha Romanoff, because right now who knows where you would be or what you was doing. You managed to be so lucky that this woman still accepted you with open arms and made herself vulnerable and somewhere fall in love with you that nothing from your past mattered in this moment. All that mattered was the love you were sharing and the love you can only hope to continue to share into the future.

Maybe ‘None Of This Was Meant To Happen’ but god was you so incredibly happy that it did.

[sierraraeck]

How to Apologize

Spencer x Luke x Fem!Reader

Masterlist

Summary: You can’t believe that for the four months since you’ve joined the team, and have been relentlessly flirting with the two hot agents, no one thought to tell you that they were together. Luke and Spencer decide they should apologize to you with an impromptu, late-night visit.

Category: Smut. Essentially pwp. A little fluff and a dash of angst if you squint.

Warnings: Cussing. Alcohol mentioned. Fingering (vaginal and anal), oral (male and female receiving), protected penetration, double penetration. Use of condoms and lube.

Word Count: 5.2k

A/N: Welcome back to episode three of me being in love with Ralvez. I’ve just really been in a mood for them lately, so I hope you enjoy what my mind comes up with when I just keep thinking about them ;)

You’ve got to be shitting me.

You couldn’t believe it. Luke and Spencer were together, and had been for over a year now. You’d only been on the team for about four months, all of which you spent unabashedly flirting with both of them.

Everyone knew it, too. It wasn’t like you were particularly quiet about expressing how much you enjoyed their company, and how easy they were on the eyes. It was fun for you, and you thought it was fun for them. They both seemed kind of into it, and the team found it a little funny.

Now you’re understanding why they found it funny. Because the whole time, you’d been embarrassing yourself by flirting with taken men. And they weren’t just taken. They were dating each other.

“You’re joking,” you said, with absolutely no humor. You were sitting on a barstool looking around at the shit-eating grins around you. They all shook their heads.

Your mouth was agape, “You’re fucking joking. You all saw this happening and not one of you had the decency to tell me!? This is bullshit!”

This just caused more laughter to erupt around you. Luckily, the bar you were at was pretty noisy, so not too much attention was drawn to your group.

“Honestly?” Emily started, “We just wanted to see, you know, as a profiler, how long it’d take you to figure it out.”

“And we,” Luke hopped in, gesturing to him and Spencer, “Wanted to see how well we could control our microexpressions.”

“This is some shit,” you mumbled to yourself, still wrapping your head around what was being said. You were trying to be light-hearted about it, and you had to admit it was a pretty good one they pulled on you, but you still felt a little insulted. And embarrassed. Oh god, you felt really embarrassed. Especially now that you knew they were ‘testing your skills’ or something, and you weren’t good enough to pick up on their relationship. You offered a disbelieving smile and shook your head. “You know what? I’m disinviting myself from this, and I’m going to go home, because otherwise… Actually let’s not talk about what would be happening otherwise.” The whole team gave you some strange looks at that comment, and you just took a deep breath and said, “Okay, I’m just gonna go.”

“Hey, Y/N, wait!” Tara called after you. You turned to face her. “We meant no harm by it!”

You laughed and acknowledged, “Oh, I know! I just think that maybe I should do a little mental detox now that I know I need to cool it.” You winked, trying to make everything calm and casual so that there would be no weird feelings when you returned to work on Monday.

But you definitely had weird feelings. About the deliberate joke that led you down a very deep rabbit hole, about the fact that you couldn’t just ‘detox’ the two men from your mind, and about how long they let the joke mess with your feelings.

It didn’t matter, though, because Spencer and Luke were together, and the last thing you wanted to do was make things complicated.

You were seated on your couch with a glass of wine watching reruns of your favorite show when you heard a knock at the door. You were in your pajamas, a navy tank top with matching shorts, and had been home for nearly two hours. It was a little past midnight, and you were actually about to go to bed. You couldn’t figure out who was at your door, and why the hell they’d be there past midnight, but one look through the peephole gave you clarity.

Two tall, handsome, nervous figures stood, waiting for you to answer. You sighed, unlocking the bolt and pulling the door open. You had the slightest idea to grab a jacket or something to throw on over your pajamas, but you were no longer trying to impress the agents before you.

“Hey guys,” you croaked, voice sounding tired.

Spencer and Luke were still acting a bit nervous, but Luke gave you a small smile. “Hey Y/N. May we come in?”

You gave them a once over, realizing they were both in large, matching, burgundy robes. You were confused, and gave them a strange look, but stepped to the side regardless. They quickly scampered into your apartment.

Once inside, Luke shut and locked the door, standing in front of it. You waited for them to say something.

Instead, they looked at each other, took a deep breath, then undid their robes, dropping them to the floor. They were completely and utterly naked.

“Oh, fuck,” you whispered, unable to peel your eyes away from the two of them.

They both smirked slightly at your reaction, and Spencer brought your attention back to his eyes when he said, “We figured we needed to apologize.”

All you could manage was a weak ‘uh-huh.’

“As long as you were serious about some of the things you said-” Luke started.

“And were actually flirting with us because you liked us-” Spencer continued.

“We wanted to show you that we were serious and flirting with you, too,” Luke concluded.

Again, all you got out was an ‘uh-huh.’ They looked at you expectantly, so you picked your jaw up off the floor and forced your brain to say something more helpful. “Yes, I was dead serious, yes, I was actually flirting with you, and, to answer your next question, yes.”

“The last yes was for what?” Luke half-teased.

“Whatever the fuck is happening right now,” you gestured to their bare forms, “yes.” They both laughed slightly, and just as Spencer was about to take a step toward you, you held up your hand. “Hold on, wait. I know you said you were serious, but is this something the two of you actually want, or is this just out of pity?” you asked skeptically.

Luke’s eyes went wide, “We actually want this.”

At the same time, Spencer said, “This is not out of pity.”

They seemed sincere, and that was good enough for you.

This time when Spencer stepped toward you, you didn’t stop him. His lips latched on to yours, and you immediately sank into his warmth. His lips were soft and his tongue was energetic, searching every part of your mouth it could reach. Luckily for you, he was already stark naked, giving you free reign to explore his bare chest.

As Spencer was exploring your mouth, Luke came up behind you and started lifting your shirt off your frame. His hands felt nice, just barely brushing up against your cold sides. You and Spencer had to part, but only for a moment, as Luke pulled your shirt over your head and tossed it to the side.

You already felt like you couldn’t breathe, but when Luke seductively trailed his fingers up your sides and around between you and Spencer to start toying with your nipples, you thought you might never breathe again. Spencer started kissing down the column of your throat, sucking slightly at each point. Without Spencer’s mouth to absorb the sound, they could both hear the small gasps and whimpers you made at each touch.

Luke was firmly at your back, his hot chest pressed up against your shoulder blades, or maybe the fire radiating from them was all in your head, you couldn’t quite tell. Spencer wrapped his arms around your back, and pulled you all the way to him, leaving barely any room for Luke’s fingers to continue their ministrations. You made a snarky remark in your head about how you weren’t surprised about Spencer’s possessiveness, until he reached behind you. Luke groaned in your ear shortly after Spencer squeezed your ass and continued his trail to the growing bulge behind you. Spencer was quite good at multitasking. Kissing, sucking, stroking… That didn’t surprise you, however. You knew how fast his mind could work, and how it always seemed to be thinking about multiple things at once.

It didn’t really surprise you either that Luke was less good at multitasking. Still amazing, but not like Spencer. With that in mind, you decided to turn the attention of the group a little bit. You turned in Luke’s now still arms, back against Spencer’s chest. You gave Spencer enough room to continue massaging Luke, but you did lean forward enough to plant your lips on his.

Luke’s kiss was different from Spencer’s. His lips were plump and captivating, and his tongue was a bit more languid than Spencer’s, granted that could’ve been because most of his attention was being drawn elsewhere.

“Wait,” Luke panted, pulling away from you. You and Spencer both immediately stopped what you were doing and looked up at him. “Bedroom?”

You tilted your head in the direction of the door down hall, and the three of you moved like it was a mad dash to get there first.

Once inside, Luke’s lips reattached themselves to yours, and he walked you backwards toward the bed, hands on your waist. They traveled lower, over your still-clothed ass, and spread flat on the back of your thighs. Somehow, you knew what he wanted, lacing your fingers together behind his neck and jumping into his sculpted arms. He swiftly strode the rest of the way to the mattress and plopped you down, following quickly with his own body. Your legs were partially wrapped around his middle and his hands were back on your waist again, this time toying with the waistband of your pajama shorts. You had a fleeting thought about how you wished you were wearing any of the cute lingerie pieces in your drawer, but before ten minutes ago, you never thought the situation you were currently in would even be possible, let alone happen. It wouldn’t matter much longer anyways, as Luke’s fingers were pulling away the remaining garments.

Now, completely bare in front of him, Luke pulled back to admire you. Spencer was at his side, also eyeing you, but wasn’t quite as patient. He crawled up the bed, looking you straight in the eye. You nodded to him, your silent consent for him to lower his head, placing delicate kisses all around your neck and chest. He was back to doing what he had only moments ago, only this time he travelled farther down, sucking one of your nipples into his mouth. You took a shuddering breath, weaving your fingers into his shaggy curls.

Luke stood, admiring the sight. His boyfriend was hunched over their mutual crush, drawing the most arousing whines from your mouth. It went straight to his cock. But, while this was definitely a mutual pleasure situation, it was also a way to make it up to you. He wanted to make sure you got all the attention first before going any further.

With that in mind, Luke joined the two of you, his focus a little farther south than Spencer’s. You’d been so caught up in the feeling of Spencer’s tongue and teeth nipping at your peaks that the feeling of Luke’s fingers circling your clit drew a dramatic gasp from your lungs. You tugged a little harder on Spencer’s locks, causing him to moan into your skin. You made a side note to yourself about hair pulling for Spencer for future reference. You were optimistic that you’d need it.

Luke started gradually picking up the pace on your clit as Spencer switched his attention to the neglected breast. You knew that you were already pooling, and despite not being able to see anything past Spencer’s mess of hair, you could tell that Luke was pleased. His index finger circled around your entrance, one, two, three times before pushing in. Your back arched off the sheets, pushing your nipples further into Spencer’s mouth and palm. Your jaw hung open in a silent moan.

Spencer noticed, and teased, “Come on, you’re usually not this quiet when it comes to expressing how much you enjoy our company.”

Luke leaned up, finger still pushing in and out of you, to see your face. He barely caught what Spencer was referencing, as you were trying to snap your jaw shut, and smirked down at you. He turned his head to the side and started kissing up the side of Spencer’s neck, who habitually craned it to the side, providing more access. Luke added a second digit, scissoring them inside you. Spencer hummed happily at the little hickies Luke was scattering all over his neck, and you felt the heat in your belly start to burn. God, it was so fucking hot, in every sense of the word.

Luke curled both of his fingers upwards, hitting that perfect spot, as he latched his lips to Spencer’s. With the combination of the sight and both men’s ministrations, you fell over the edge.

You squeezed your eyes shut, only a little disappointed that you couldn’t continue looking at them, as your lungs expelled any air you had in your chest.

When the waves of pleasure had mostly subsided, you managed to lift your eyelids, peering up at the sight above you. Luke and Spencer were still attached at the mouth, but they pulled away, Spencer laughing a little while Luke just grinned.

“Remind me to always kiss you like that when we have guests,” Luke said to Spencer, then winked at you. You gave a weak shrug, still too blissed out to form coherent sentences. It wasn’t your fault that the two people you’d been fantasizing about kissing on top of you turned you on. No way in hell you were ashamed about it, either.

Still laying there a bit dazed, the fluffy haired boys rolled over, taking all the heat with them. Spencer was hovering over Luke, tracing his tongue down Luke’s defined muscles before reaching his destination.

Spencer wasted no time running his flattened tongue up and down Luke’s length before sucking at the tip. Luke ran his fingers through Spencer’s hair, and both seemed to relax into each other. Despite the explicit sight in front of you, everything about the two of them, clearly starting to drift into their own world, was domestic. Caring and filled with love. You almost didn’t want to disrupt them, but the overpowering need to be near them won out.

Spencer’s lower half was over the edge of the bed, his toes being the only thing holding him up and giving him a vantage point. You slid off the bed yourself and tried to soundlessly move behind the younger man, coming to rest in a squat.

Spencer was getting Luke all worked up, raspy grunts mixing with satisfied hums as Spencer bobbed his head up and down. His movements came to a screeching halt when you leaned up against the foot of your bed and swiped your tongue quickly over Spencer’s tip. He let out a soft whine, muffled by Luke’s skin, who took a sharp inhale at the vibration.

Spencer’s dick was hard and spilling precum as you worked it into your mouth. His hips started moving of their own accord, forcing you to take him deeper, faster. The three of you started a steady rhythm that was already faltering. Both men were getting close.

Propped up only on your toes, you almost lost your balance once, digging your nails into Spencer’s side for support. He growled, and just because you could, you dragged your nails down the rest of his backside. All of the muscles tensed at once, and you smiled as best you could with your mouth full, moving your hands back to work what your tongue couldn’t.

Abruptly, Spencer pulled his hips back from you, and crawled further up the bed. You followed, getting up from your spot on the ground. Your toes, on the brink of cramping, weren’t complaining.

You realized why Spencer had pulled away so quickly, catching Luke coaxing Spencer into his lap. Even though they were in a slightly different position, it didn't stop you from what you’d been doing before.

Right as Spencer got situated on Luke’s cock, just starting to roll his hips, you took Spencer back in your mouth. You had one foot on the ground, the other knee next to Luke’s torso. Spencer was louder than you’d expected, letting curses and praises fly past his lips as if they were statistics of the utmost importance.

Luke was less vocal, but he seemed more coherent. Barely.

“Come here, baby,” Luke panted. Pulling off Spencer for a moment, you looked back at Luke. His face was already glistening, and he was gesturing toward your legs. You lifted the one closest to him, and he eased it over his head. Straddling his face, he pulled you down to him, licking a clean stripe up your slit. You moaned his name, letting your head hang.

He was just so warm. Everything about Luke was warm. His personality, his face, his tongue and mouth and literal body temperature. It made you feel safe. Thinking that, you realized just how perfect he was for Spencer. You could tell Spencer wasn’t someone who experienced warmth very frequently, you’d heard about his cold past, but you were happy that there was finally someone to show him some. It made you feel even more embarrassed that you hadn’t noticed their relationship sooner.

Lost in thought, you’d stopped doing anything besides feeling Luke’s tongue alternate between pushing into you and swirling around your clit, something Spencer was less excited about. His large hand cupped your face, causing you to look up into his pleading eyes. You stifled a giggle at the sight, quickly figuring out why he was looking at you like that. You returned to tracing your tongue up and down his cock, but it was becoming much harder to focus.

Luckily, you could feel how close Spencer was to finishing, and gave him the silent ‘okay’ to finish in your mouth.

Hot ropes of cum filled your throat, and tears pricked the corners of your eyes when Spencer pushed all the way into your mouth. You were gasping for air when Spencer leaned back from you, and so was Luke as he desperately called Spencer’s name. He must’ve been close when Spencer momentarily stopped moving to find his own release.

The pressure between your hips was building as you continued to watch Luke disappear inside Spencer. You started wriggling your hips for more friction against Luke’s mouth and slight scruff, but Luke wouldn’t let you. He wrapped his arms almost completely around your waist, and pulled you down like an anchor. No matter how much moving you did, there would be no getting out of his grasp, not like you really wanted to anyway.

You couldn’t tell which one of you finished first, but your collective moans filled the air all the same. You whined at Luke who continued to lick up every ounce of moisture from you, the sensations starting to become a little too much.

He let you go, and you took a moment or two to deep breathe, forcing oxygen back into your lungs. Once Spencer thought you’d gotten sufficient air, he took it all away from you again, leaning down to kiss you. He tasted himself on your tongue, which only made him relive the fresh memory over again.

He peppered little kisses down your neck and side, which was a tad ticklish. Spencer caught on despite you trying to keep yourself together, noticing the slight flinching in your muscles. He spent extra time working you up until you were laughing and begging him to stop.

Spencer was working his way down to Luke, who’d been absentmindedly massaging your cheeks for no other reason than he wanted to touch your tush.

You weren't sure how, but the two tall men were able to kiss each other around you, Luke sitting up and Spencer leaning forward. He got to taste you off of Luke’s lips, and was almost jealous that he didn’t decide to take Luke’s spot instead.

You leaned into Luke’s chest, resting your head on his shoulder and reaching behind you to thread your fingers through his soft curls, much shorter than Spencer’s but fun to play with nonetheless. They kissed each other with more passion than you’d really ever seen before, one hand touching the other man, their other hand tracing the curves of your body. You felt like you could fall asleep in the exact position you were in, half on Luke’s lap, half on Spencer’s.

But alas, there was still plenty of night to fill. Spencer asked if you had any lube and condoms, and you were about to get up and get them, but both men kept you where you were. You started wondering how much the two of them talked about or planned before showing up at your door, but decided those were questions for a later hour.

You directed Spencer to where both were kept while Luke turned you around to face him. You had a very quick discussion about cleanliness, something you were relieved to find out wasn’t an issue for any party, and Luke was sliding on a condom and pushing into you before you knew it. Pregnancy wasn’t something you were looking for at the moment.

Luke had been doing most of the work up until Spencer returned, his presence really only being a shifting of air behind you. Your eyes were locked on Luke’s eyes which were flicking between you and the man behind you.

It took you all the way up until Spencer’s hip bones came in contact with your ass that you realized what Spencer wanted the lube for. That and the guttural groan that ripped itself from Luke’s chest. At that point, Luke had stilled his thrusts up into you, so you decided to keep the pace, bouncing up and down on Luke’s ever-hardening dick. You braced yourself with a hand on his chest, his skin feeling like it might melt your fingertips.

Spencer snaked his hands around your body, cupping your breast in his hands and rolling your nipples around between his fingers. Spencer, you were convinced, had bad circulation, feeling colder than you and Luke. You arched your back into him regardless, giving him full access to nip down your neck as he continued to pound into Luke. You had barely noticed the slowing of your hips atop Luke’s until Spencer placed his hands on your waist with a bruising grip. He set a much faster pace for you and Luke than either of you had set before, but you couldn’t be mad. Each thrust pushed you further and further toward the edge.

That all stopped when Spencer lightly leaned you over Luke’s body, Luke gladly accepting by pulling you even closer, wrapping his arms around your back. The three of you were still moving, but only in the slightest way you could from your positions.

With your face buried in Luke’s neck, reveling in the momentary reprieve of a slower pace, Luke must’ve been looking at Spencer who was tracing all sorts of patterns on your ass. You felt like there was a silent conversation you were being left out of.

You were clued in when Spencer traced a single finger right over your puckered hole, all the muscles contracting at the sudden contact. Luke whined at the tension, as he was still completely sheathed inside you.

Spencer lightly continued his tracing, close but not too close, as he leaned over your back and asked, “Is it okay if I touch you here?” He emphasized his words with another swipe over your hole. This time, you were a bit more prepared.

You twisted your neck around to look at Spencer’s face. It was soft and questioning, showing you that, while he was interested, he clearly wasn’t going to do anything you didn’t want to. But you were intrigued. You’d only ever tried it once before with a definitely straight man, and it was just medium. Nothing you had really considered doing again until now, but you trusted Spencer. And honestly, who better to give it a second chance with than someone who knew what he was doing? Not only that, but frequently participated in it with his boyfriend?

You nodded, looking him straight in the eyes. “Yes.”

“Let us know if you are ever uncomfortable or need us to stop,” Luke reminded.

You turned your attention back to him and nodded again. “I will.”

Now with confirmation from you, Spencer dripped some of your lube at the top of your ass, watching it roll all the way down to where you and Luke were connected. Luke had stopped moving completely, and you were staying still enough for Spencer to slowly push a finger into you. He confirmed with you one more time that you were okay, which you assured him you were, before he started moving.

He was nice and slow to start, allowing you time to adjust to the feeling. As Luke started rocking back and forth with his hips, Spencer added a second finger, scissoring them to help stretch you out. You hissed at the added pressure.

Both men started moving a bit faster, pulling gasps out of you faster than you could bring air back in. You were surprised that you whined when Spencer removed his fingers, not realizing how much you were actually enjoying yourself. You felt empty with the loss of contact, but didn’t have to worry for long when the familiar ‘pop’ of the lube cap let you know it had been opened.

A few moments later and Spencer was filling you up at a tantalizing pace. Luke slowed again, allowing you time to adjust to the new sensations. The man at your back pulled clean out of you, drawing yet another whimper, as the one below you placed his firm hands on you back and rolled the two of you to the side.

Spencer was at your back again, already pushing back into you as Luke pulled your top leg over his hips, giving both men better access.

It started out slow and sensual, but gradually turned into something desperate and frantic. Hands were groping over bodies, mouths were attaching themselves to any lips or skin available. Spencer was massaging your tits from behind and Luke hand his arms draped over your hips to bring you closer to him with each thrust by your ass. The three of you were a mess of limbs and moans, each trying to meet your end.

Spencer came first, sloppy thrusts coming to a halt behind you, and tried to muffle his groans in the flesh of the base of your neck. It didn’t help much. You were right behind him, the brutal pace they had been pounding into you becoming too much. You were worried you might have blown Luke’s eardrum out with how closely you were screaming next to him, a sound your neighbor was sure to mention when filing a complaint you couldn’t care to feel guilty about.

You and Spencer were floating down from your highs, but Luke wasn’t as satisfied. He pulled out of you, cold air hitting your body and sending a shock through your system. His lips were on yours quickly, which had you melting again.

He growled in that deep voice of his about turning you around, which made you feel all tingly until he actually did it. It took more effort than you care to admit to simply change sides, facing Spencer now. It was good to look at his face again. You had absolutely no problem with Luke’s (who would?), but you wanted to look at them equally. Unfortunately, you weren’t born with eyes in the back of your head.

You were back in the same position you’d been in, just this time your other leg was propped up on Spencer’s more pronounced hip bones and not Luke’s. Spencer quickly took advantage of getting to see your face head on, capturing your lips with his. His tongue slid into your mouth when you gasped at the feeling of Luke entering you from behind. It was a bit easier for him to slide in, Spencer having already stretched you out. Luke joined Spencer as they both kissed down your neck, only stopping briefly to kiss each other.

The slightly younger man trailed all the way down to your breasts, taking your nubs in his mouth or fingers. Luke was still marking up your neck, brushing his fingers down your sides. With each of his thrusts, your heat was grinding against Spencer’s length, which you felt continually get harder. He looked into your eyes and you whispered the few words of your consent, not being able to get anything else out.

He bucked his hips up into yours, having no trouble as you were still wet from your previous orgasm and your impending one. The feeling of the two of them pushing and pulling inside you, hitting different spots from different angles, you knew you weren’t going to last long. It just felt so good to be completely filled up to the hilt.

Needing something to grasp on to, your fingers immediately found Spencer’s curls. You remembered from earlier he seemed to like it, so you tugged, pulling a delicious groan from his pink and puffy lips. You felt Luke’s labored breath on your ear, and with the few brain cells that were still working, you could tell that the three of you were very, very close.

You snapped first, clawing your nails down Spencer’s back, and the feeling seemed to be enough for him. The sound of his love and his crush moaning in harmony pushed Luke over the edge, joining your symphony.

The three of you laid there panting before both men got up to remove their condoms. Luke came back with a towel to wipe you clean of yourself, Spencer putting the lube back where he found it. Luke tossed the towel to the side, laying down next to you. Spencer walked back into your room on slightly shaky legs, which made you smile just a bit. He, too, collapsed next to you. You were able to see all the red marks on his back and thighs from your nails, and you almost felt bad for not spreading the wealth around a little more, only Spencer’s skin receiving the assault.

Soon, all of your breathing reached a normal level, and Spencer pulled the sheets up over his body, Luke helping him get you under, then sliding under himself.

You sighed with content, then laughed, drawing both men’s attention to you, as if it weren’t already. “Wow. You sure know how to apologize.”

They both chuckled with you, cuddling even closer now.

“So was it worth it?” Luke half-teased.

You pretended to think about it, but replied, cheeky, “I mean, you could have told me sooner, but I guess I don’t mind the two of you needing to apologize.” And to be honest, you hoped there’d be more reasons for apologies in the future.

[lucyintheskywithxanax]

Different Kinds of Falls

Request : autumn themed + underwear store with Wilhemina

A/N: @blacksmokieee25 since you’re probably not going to bed until the sun rises, I’m posting this now. Happy birthday lovely ^^ I tried lacing together your two requests and came up with this weird, vignette fic that I hope you’ll like. I hope your 23rd year will bring you love and happiness. I’m very glad I know you xx

Warnings: a tiny little bit of smut and a lot of bad English

Word count:  ≃ 4 600

She was like a princess in a fairytale, trapped in a tower and waiting for someone to save her from isolation. Except no one had come. She would have to do the saving herself.

But she was too tired, she protested. She couldn’t do the saving. She said, Because to save someone, you have to think they are worthy, you have to love them at least a little. And the dragon keeping me prisoner – that dragon is me. I cannot save myself for I do not think I’m worthy.

All this of course she didn’t say. You thought it yourself, as you lay in bed watching her, the sheet pulled up high so she could hide herself – she wouldn’t say she’s hiding, she would say she’s cold. You had been reading The Island of Doctor Moreau next to her, a little appalled, a little sleepy, until you had come upon one sentence and stopped. Now you stood watching her as the sentence played in your head like a record spinning again and again.

The Thing that bled and ran screaming and sobbing – that is dead, too.

Wilhemina felt your gaze on her and glanced at you, looking as if she couldn’t quite believe she had allowed you to lie half naked in her bed like that. She looked a little fierce, you thought, a little too mean for a lover. She looked like she didn’t quite know how to let herself be loved.

You gave her a smile and ran one finger down her cheek, along her jaw to her chin, down her neck. Wilhemina’s brow furrowed, shoulders tensing as your finger reached the collar of her nightdress.

Will you let me see you naked? you wanted to ask, just a whisper so as not to scare her.

Of course you didn’t.

You wouldn’t make a good hero, you thought. You would make a terrible knight. The one who always runs away first, who says bad jokes to make up for her cowardice and her overwhelming fear of love.

You would take one look at the dragon and leave the princess in her tower.

The Thing that bled and ran screaming and sobbing – that is thriving, too.

But consider, you thought, as Wilhemina, still frowning, leaned in to plant a kiss on your lips: what if you saw the princess before you saw the dragon. What if the princess saw you. Doesn’t love make the lovers brave?

Wilhemina’s kisses were often clumsy. They were always terrified, that this kiss would be the last, that after it would only come the bite of her own teeth and the burn of her tears. Her fingers slid behind your neck and clutched your hair. She pressed herself against you.

As you guided her head to your neck and closed your eyes, you slipped your hand under her nightdress to feel the skin of her shoulder. Brave? Or stupid? Wilhemina’s breath hitched.

She pressed herself deeper into you.

The Thing that bled and ran screaming and sobbing – that is dying, too.

**

“It’s alright,” you tried, both hands held up, wide eyes quickly shifting from Wilhemina’s face to the fragments of glass on the floor and her bare feet. “Be careful, I can take care of it.”

“Get the fuck out of here,” she snapped. Her hand was pressed against her chest, fingers clutching the towel wrapped around her body as if it were the last remaining piece of her broken armor.

You winced.

“It’s alright,” you tried again. “I –”

“Get out!”  

You met her eyes again, wide with fear and fury because you had walked into the bedroom as she was getting dressed, and you had almost seen her, and in her hurry to hide from you she had knocked over the vase with the flowers that she had bought for you three days ago.

“Mina – ”

“Y/N if you do not get out of my sight in the next two seconds I will hurt you.” Voice breaking, hands shaking.

Still you hesitated.

Wilhemina grabbed a pillow – the beside lamp was nearer – and threw it at you.

“GET OUT!”

She never screamed. It was that scream that made you obey.

You stood behind the closed door and listened as she cried.

**

She didn’t believe that you could love her. And yet she felt it, in the way you kissed her, and she saw it shining in your eyes, and in your smile, and she heard it in your voice too. So she tried to find an explanation. You were lonely, in need of company, and a good actress. You were smitten and infatuation blinded you but it wouldn’t last. You were an angel. You had taken pity on her.

She couldn’t find a reason. Some nights it made her so angry she felt like smashing all your things or – even better – destroying herself. She wanted to hurt you and to pull the truth out of your throat so she would understand why and how you were smiling at her like that.

She didn’t believe that you would stay and she didn’t understand why you were here in the first place, but she found that she rather liked your presence. Loved. So she fought against her impulse to be mean and agreed to sometimes share a few things with you; things that lived at the surface, not the big, the dark, the important things that lived deep within her – there was no point sharing those. She hid those and she hid her shame so maybe you would stay a little longer than you had planned.  

It was selfish, she knew it. But she was way past selfishness.

**

You met her on a Saturday afternoon. It was the fall and outside the leaves were falling.

You were scrolling on your phone as you sat, bored, on a chair by the fitting rooms, waiting for your roommate who was trying on the new sexy underwear she’d need in case she successfully seduced the boy who had just moved in next door.

You were distracted by an unfamiliar sound, and looked up just as a woman walked in, supporting herself on a cane and looking as if she owned the whole world. It seemed to you even her nostrils flared a little, in outrage that some servant hadn’t sprayed myrrh or sandal wood in the air to celebrate her arrival.

You eyed her as she passed you, and quickly lowered your gaze as hers met yours. Her eyes were dark. Cold. Glazed.

This woman is scared, you thought, without knowing where the thought came from. She’s terrified.

Just as you were glancing up at her again, your roommate burst out from her fitting room with her arms thrown up in triumph and crashed right into the woman.

The shock sent her stumbling backwards, until her legs bumped into your knees and she fell onto your lap.

Instinctively your hands fell on either side of her waist to steady her, and you felt her flinch and tense up.

“Don’t touch me,” she snapped.

And already she was pushing herself up onto her feet, and you sat as if petrified on your chair, your cheeks flushed, your hands still held up, the reminder of how she had felt burning low right under your skin.

Your roommate immediately walked up to the woman with an apologetic expression on her face and one hand raised as if to touch her shoulder, but she was stopped by the loud, threatening noise of her cane hitting the ground.

The sudden noise broke the trance you had fallen into. You jumped, remembered where you were, became aware that your roommate was wearing a low-cut black lace nightdress that barely hid her body. And the woman was staring at her with anger burning like a low fire in her eyes, but the rest of her face was completely blank, unreadable, terrible.

Your roommate cleared her throat, and decided her safest option was to ignore her. She turned to you, opened her arms and asked in a voice which, to her credit, barely shook at all: “How do I look?”

“Horrendous,” the woman said, her voice quiet and low but laced with contempt and mockery.

What happened next you saw as a movie on a big screen. It felt unreal, somehow, but most of all it felt scripted; part of you already knew exactly what your role would be. It didn’t ask for your approval. It just happened.

Your roommate turned back towards the woman, fists clenching and eyes shining. “Excuse me?” she said, not quiet as the woman had, but loud, and angry.

The woman smirked. “I said,” she answered, still as slowly, “you look horrendous.”

“Then why don’t you try it on and we’ll see if you look any better!” your roommate nearly screamed.

Your gaze was riveted on the woman’s face, and you saw something uneasy flicker in her eyes.

Your roommate saw it, too. Her confidence flared up.

“Come on,” she laughed, taking one step forward. “Go get one your size and put it on I dare you.”

At that exact moment a vendor walked in, alerted by the noise, to peer curiously at the scene. The woman quickly scanned his face, assessing danger.

“Do you ladies need anything?” the vendor asked.

“Yes,” your roommate roared, “another nightdress and then stay with us, you can be our judge, you can decide if she looks any better than me wearing it.”

“I think you look very good,” the vendor said to your roommate politely.

“Ah!” your roommate exulted, turning to the woman again, her eyes burning their way down to rest on her cane, and then up again to sneer, her face shining with the certainty of her triumph.  

That was when, as was scripted, you stood up. You didn’t become aware of your action until your roommate glanced curiously at you. And then you heard yourself speak, something about decency, about kindness, about you leaving if your roommate was going to be such an ass.

You didn’t know what you were saying. Your roommate’s expressions were your only guide. You saw surprise, and then anger. Her eyes narrowed a little. They told you it would take time for her to forgive such a betrayal.

Later, you would say that surely it had been fate pulling the strings. But back then, all that you knew was your body’s vibrating, burning, coming to life with the reminder of how the woman had felt.

**

“I didn’t need your help,” Wilhemina – Ms Venable? Wilhemina – snapped a few minutes later, as you walked out of the store together. The air was cold and already smelt of winter.

“Would you like to get a drink?” you heard yourself say.

She let out an incredulous laugh. “Certainly not.” Another laugh, eyes falling on your face, briefly, as if to make sure you were real.

“Does that mean I’ll never see you again?” was what you said next, and you would have blushed at the plea in your voice if you hadn’t been so intent on making her stay.

“We’ve barely talked,” Wilhemina said, face hardening, “why are you so interested in me?”

She was suspicious, wary, ready to jump at your throat. You didn’t know how to explain what was happening to you – the vibrating, the coming to life – without sounding like a complete fool.

“Let me walk you to your car,” you offered.  

Wilhemina hesitated. Nodded.

When you reached her car, she stood with her back to the door and you laughed nervously and started rambling about the weather because you didn’t want to see her go just yet. You said how autumn was your favorite season because of all the colors and of all the smells. You said you wanted a life full of falls. You said, Falls as in the season, but also as in falling in love. Here you averted your eyes and felt yourself blush.

It wasn’t you talking. It couldn’t be. It was too bold.

You looked up again and said, Why don’t we go on a walk? and don’t stop, until we’ve found a leaf the exact same color as your hair.

At this very moment the breeze blew into Wilhemina’s eyes a strand of hair that had escaped her impeccable ponytail, and she raised her hand to brush it away, fingers gracefully grazing her skin with just a touch of annoyance, and you thought  - Dear Lord, you thought, as one thinks who has just fallen in love.

But you didn’t believe in love at first sight, you reminded yourself. What was it, then? You had seen the dragon and you had seen the princess and they were the same.

But you were no hero. Curiosity? Or your soul whispering to her soul?

But wasn’t that love?

You took a peek. There was inside you the irresistible desire to know everything about her.

You insisted you gave her your number and she accepted it “to get rid of you.”

On the third day after that, she called you.

**

The full moon had risen a few minutes ago and the night shadows had retreated into the corners, where they lurked. You shifted closer to Wilhemina and nuzzled her neck with your nose.

“I’m sorry about the vase,” she whispered. You hummed. Her hand fell on your head. I’m sorry I snapped at you.

You pulled away to meet her eyes, and traced her brow with your thumb. The moonlight painted her in black and silver.

You trailed your finger over her shoulder and stopped at the collar of her nightdress.

“Will you let me see you?” you asked.

You were not sure you were brave enough to watch. But you asked anyway.

Her eyes met yours again. “Don’t forget the story of Lot’s wife,” she answered. “Orpheus and Eurydice. Medusa.”

You planted a kiss on her cheek.

“What these stories teach me is that everyone looks.”

“And they all die.”

“No. They all turn into something else.”

“Eurydice dies,” Wilhemina insisted.

“Are you afraid I’ll die if I see you?”

She shook her head. She let go of you. “It’s not the one who sees that dies. It’s the one who is seen.”

“Are you afraid I’ll hurt you?”

You propped yourself up on one elbow to watch her as she got up and crossed the room to the window. She closed it against the cold.

“Are you afraid I’ll leave you?” you insisted.

“I like you blind,” she said.

“But I’d love to see you.”

She turned, gave you a smile that shone a little defiantly. “When Oedipus finally saw, he stabbed himself in the eyes.”

You fell back on the bed with a groan. “Enough with mythology. We aren’t gods. We aren’t heroes.” You opened your arms to hold her close as she slowly made her way back to bed.

**

“Do we even know what we’re looking for?” you asked, bending to avoid a branch full of golden and red leaves.

“I do,” Wilhemina answered. “I spent yesterday evening reading about mushrooms.”

You grinned at her.

“One of us had to make sure we won’t die intoxicated,” she said, a little coldly.

“That’s very noble of you,” you teased.

This was about a month after you two had first met. You now spent most of your spare time together. Wilhemina had even stopped doing extra hours at work to spend them with you instead. Your roommate barely saw you anymore. She had complained about your absence and asked whether she should look for someone else.

You had always craved a strong connection with someone, and it seemed you had finally found it. You didn’t need words to communicate with Wilhemina, as if your soul and her soul were made of the same stuff. You could point at a star in the night sky and knew she felt the same about it. Knew you were understood.  

You wanted to spend every second of every day with her.

Two nights ago, you had kissed her. You hadn’t expected it of yourself. It was too brave, too bold. That’s how you knew that you loved her.

She had frozen with her hand on your thigh, eyes wide open, breath caught in her throat, until suddenly something had changed and she had turned ravenous. She had kissed you back as if you were the ghost of a long-lost lover she was about to lose again, and the desperation she had poured into your mouth had made you fear that this was too much for one person to bear; too much need, too much anger, too much love required to fill the gaping, sucking black hole inside her. You had broken the kiss, panting, and almost run away. But the way she had held on to your wrist, the way she had looked at you, the feel of her on your lips – you had stayed.

None of you had mentioned the kiss since then. She seemed to be waiting for you to make the next move, and you weren’t sure you wanted to. Weren’t sure you were brave enough.

“Look here,” Wilhemina said, pointing at a small cluster of brown mushrooms half hidden under dead leaves.

You crouched down to examine them. “Yes,” you smiled, “these look like penny buns.”

You picked one for Wilhemina to look at.

“Butter, garlic and parsley,” you grinned, watching her as she inspected the mushroom, held delicately between two fingers. “One or two potatoes.”

Wilhemina hummed and cautiously put the mushroom in the basket she was holding.

You took the basket from her so you could hold her hand as you walked slowly down the path. Wilhemina glanced sideways at you, as if to make sure ill intent wasn’t shining in your eyes, before she pushed her palm against yours and laced her fingers with yours.

After a few minutes you stopped looking for mushrooms and gazed up at the beautiful leaves instead. The air was cold and crisp, and smelt of damp earth and decaying leaves. Every so often the sound of something falling – a dead branch, an acorn – reached your ears.

Wilhemina’s heart was drumming against your palm. Was it your touch, you wondered, that made it beat so fast?

She wasn’t looking at the ground either. She kept glancing at you. You knew this, because you kept glancing at her, too, and more than once you found her gaze already on your face. The first time your eyes met, you both blushed, and if Wilhemina quickly looked away, you found it impossible not to gaze at the dusting of pink on her cheeks.

“Look,” you breathed.

On your left between two oak trees was a small, round, dark pond. Its surface was half covered with leaves and you wouldn’t have noticed it at all if the wind hadn’t blown the branches above and sunlight hadn’t caught it. Wilhemina and you paused at the edge of it, hand in hand, to look at your reflections in the dark water.

“It looks like a fairy pond,” you whispered.

Wilhemina hummed her assent. You stroked your thumb over hers as you stared at her reflection, fully clothed, tall but with the edges trembling.  

“If we stay here long enough maybe we’ll see a doe.”

“You’d never have the patience,” Wilhemina teased.

“Well,” you cleared your throat, “I would if we had something to do to keep each other busy.”

Something, very close, fell from a tree.

It felt like dissolving into the golden light – like becoming part of something beautiful – when Wilhemina gently pressed her lips to yours. The basket stood between you two, so she hastily set it down on the ground before she captured your lips again, shyly, so very delicately it made you tremble. As if you were something precious. Something to be treasured.

It was this gentleness that made you kiss her back.

When you broke the kiss, Wilhemina squinted in the sunlight that fell through the branches and directly into her eyes. Dear you, she looked so scared. You wanted to push her, to make her fall so she would know you would always catch her. You wanted her to do the same to you.

You started walking again. You were both so focused on the other that you forgot the basket. You remembered it five minutes later. You found it funny; Wilhemina’s jaw tightened with anger. It had never happened to her before, she assured you. She didn’t forget things. The implication made her shiver.  

You walked back to the pond and found the basket on the moss where you had left it.

**

From where you were lying between her legs, you slipped your hand under her shirt to feel the warm softness of her tummy.

“Don’t you sometimes wish you didn’t have a body?” she asked.

You glanced up at her sleepily. She was reading your book, the one you had finished just a few days ago – you wondered if it was the same sentence that had caused her to stop.

You dropped a kiss on her hip. “I rather like having a body,” you answered. “And I love that you have one yourself. How would I kiss you otherwise?”

“Without a body, you wouldn’t need or want to kiss me.”

You considered, hand absentmindedly stroking her tummy.

“I don’t know,” Wilhemina went on. She was thumbing the book nervously, her eyes a little glazed. “It seems to me the body only brings its owner pain.”

“But I love your body,” you retorted.

“I am sick of it,” she said. “I am sick of the competition that comes with it. The pain, the probing, the examination.”

You watched her in silence. How could you tell her that some days when you woke up before dawn you would spend long minutes delighting in the sight of her body? And that you would press your lips on her skin to kiss, not who she was, but the body that you loved.

You took the book from her (you were starting to think that giving it to her in the first place hadn’t been the brightest of ideas. She had never told you the kind of surgeries she had undergone, the kind of names she had been called. You didn’t like the look on her face now) and put your arms around her waist. You pressed your cheek against her thigh and closed your eyes.

“I don’t like my body (she knew this already. You’d told her before). I think it’s too flat. And yet you find it beautiful. Maybe that’s mankind’s curse. Maybe that’s beauty’s curse. The beautiful doesn’t know it’s beautiful until someone comes along and tells it so.”

She started running her fingers through your hair, and you opened your eyes to find her gazing at you with a fond and thoughtful smile. She checked herself when your eyes met. Her face hardened a little.

“No need,” you smiled.

And then you were crawling up the bed, planting kisses on the strip of skin between her panties and her shirt, and then up her cleavage, smiling when she pushed her head back to give you better access to her neck. You twisted a strand of her hair around your finger – hair let down, only for you – and slid your other hand down to cup her center, determined to take her mind off the horrors she had read, or been reminded of.

You had made love before, but never entirely exposed, never entirely seen. Part of you loved it. Another part of you hated that you loved it. That part wanted you to stop being cowardly and to take the jump. To fall. Tear off the sheet, tear down the tower’s walls.

What terrified you the most was, there would be no going back, the day she would show you her back.

Your fingers started massaging her clit over her panties.

“How would you be able to feel me if you didn’t have a body?” you breathed, lips planting open-mouthed kisses up her neck.  

Wilhemina’s only answer was a small, breathy whimper. She lifted her hips to push against your hand.  

**

You followed the sound of her voice to her bedroom. She sounded afraid. You hurried.

“Y/N?”

“I’m right here,” you called, as your hand closed around the door handle. “Is today the day I’m going to,learn you’re terribly scared of spiders?” you joked, to try and curb the worry in you.

You pushed the door open, walked in and stopped as if suddenly turned into stone.

Wilhemina was standing with her back to you, facing the mirror on the wall. She was wearing the low-cut nightdress your roommate had dared her to try on all those months ago at the store. She was trembling.

You held her gaze in the mirror, unable to breathe, heart speeding up until all you could hear was its mad, terrified, elated gallop.

For a moment you stood completely still, not daring to look at her back, until the fear in Wilhemina’s eyes threatened to spill over, and you took a step forward.

Gently you gathered her hair in one hand and pushed it over her shoulder. Wilhemina’s gaze in the mirror glazed over, looked through you and at a place where she was safe and numb.

You took a deep breath. You watched.

A shiver ran through you as your gaze followed the diverted course of her spine, skin pulled taut over the bones. For a moment you watched with the awe-stricken eyes of one who is shown a terrible thing, terrible yet fascinating, for the watcher is safe from it. Then you swallowed, and forced your attention back on the importance of the moment.

You were still not breathing as you trailed your fingertips down her back to the black lace hugging her waist, and then back up again, lingering this time, stroking every scar.

Wilhemina’s breath hitched when you pressed your lips on her spine. Grazing her skin, planting a kiss. You rested your chin on her shoulder and waited for her to come back to you, pressing your front against her back to show her you were not disgusted, not disappointed, not running away.  

When her gaze turned clear enough for her to see you again, you offered her a tender smile, and stroked up and down her arms.

Wilhemina drew in air through her teeth. “This kind of nightdress wasn’t made for people like me,” she breathed out.

“Nonsense,” you cut her off. “You look beautiful.”

And dear you, she did, with her eyes barely guarded now and the lace barely hiding the swell of her breasts, nipples peaking under the delicate fabric. Your arms wrapped around her waist to pull her closer against you.

“Thank you,” you breathed into her hair.

She nodded, but didn’t speak. She was still trembling against you.

“How are you feeling?”

She let out a self-deprecatory laugh. “Like I don’t want to be here.” She took hold of one of your hands. Her eyes glossed over.

“Does it terrify you,” you breathed, trailing your lips down her neck, “to know that I have seen you and found you beautiful?” A pause. Your heart was beating too fast. “That I have seen you and decided to stay?”

In the silence that followed you heard your words echo all around you. You had expected each one of them to sow a grain of fear inside you. That wasn’t what happened. Instead each one of them pulled up a fear sprout that had already been sown inside you.

Wilhemina’s eyes met yours in the mirror to share her surprise. For she was – okay? There had been no harsh landing? She let her body relax and she realized that, even though her mind was still very anxiously expecting danger, she wasn’t hurting. She was okay.

Tag list: @mssallymckenna @supremeinlilac @pluied-ete @rainbow-hedgehog @pearplate @angelxsarahp @paulawand @asktammyr @peggycarter-steverogers   @coconutlipss  @saucy-sapphic @thesupremewife @paulsonpills @billiedeansbottom @lilypadscoven @winslctrg @simpforpaulson @venablesgirl @mckennamayfairgoode  @ka-s @lntlmate @talulahmae @mrsdeanhoward

[reidgraygubler]

carolina (spencer reid/reader

Title: Carolina

Request: no, but it was written for @spencerreidbingo​

Couple: spencer reid/fem!reader

Category: smut/angst, with a tiny bit of fluff

Content Warning: SEXUAL CONTENT (praise kink, mild-innocence kink, daddy kink, fingering, oral (male & female), penetrative sex, unprotected sex/cream pie, grinding/petting, hairpulling, breathplay, multiple orgasms, possessive kink, orgasm denial), partying, drinking, swearing, large age gap (between two consenting adults), professor/student, post prison!reid, quick mentions of drinks being drugged (but not actually happening) (if I missed anything, please let me know)

Word Count: 9,064

Summary: Spencer thinks his peer is innocent. But little does he not, she’s not as innocent as he thinks.

A/N: it’s based on carolina by harry styles, bc im a sucker for a good harry song. This was written for @spencerreidbingo​ (i’ll have a separate post with more about that). this takes up the breathplay square on my card (pictured below). This is also the first time im writing a blowjob scene, so im really sorry if it’s not good. i also didn’t have a beta for this, so im kinda blindly posting this. and, lastly, this is a lot longer than i intended. i didn’t mean for it to get this long… it’s just a bunch of words my brain wouldn’t stop saying until i wrote it... i seriously hope you all enjoy this. thank you all for the love and support! check out my masterlist!

~*~* THIS DOES CONTAIN 18+ CONTENT!! *~*~

{***}{***}{***}

I kept my eyes low as I stepped into the lecture hall 5 minutes before anyone else. The professor was writing something on the chalkboard, so his back was facing the room. 

“Uh, hello,” I spoked, stepping closer to his desk. He jumped slightly and dropped his chalk at the sound of my voice. I would have expected him to know students would be showing up earlier, considering it was the start of a new semester. And, I honestly would have assumed he was told a new student was coming. That’s not my job. 

“Oh, sorry,” he turned around to face me. I smiled softly, watching

as he bent down to pick up the chalk. I cocked my head to the side, watching his backside as he stood back up. He pushed his hair away from his face. “You must be the new transfer,” he asked, resting the chalk on his desk, beside a pile of pens.

“Yep. That’s me…” I smiled, looking up at his face, keeping myself from further checking him out. I quickly offered my hand and gave him my name. “I know I’m early. I figured I’d get the syllabus from you now instead of after class,” I nodded as I adjusted my grip on my bag. He stared at me for a moment, his eyes lingering on my face and then down my body, and that moment felt like an eternity. I shouldn’t be mad or frustrated with him. I basically did the same thing to him moments ago.

 I cleared my throat to get his attention once again. “The, uh… The syllabus?” I asked as my smile faltered slightly. He looked at me before looking at the pile of papers on his desk before quickly moving.

“Right, right, sorry,” he muttered as he began shuffling through the piles of paper on his desk. “Um, here you are,” he looked back up at me as he handed me a small packet. I looked at it for a moment before looking back up at the teacher.

“Perfect, thank you,” I spoke, my words kind of lingering because he never actually gave me his name. 

“Right, sorry, Spencer. Spencer Reid. I won’t be a drill sergeant about the whole Mr., Dr., Professor. You can call me whatever you want,” he smiled as he placed his hands on the back of his chair. I held back my laughter and the wildly inappropriate joke that I wanted to make.

“Well, Professor Reid,” I smiled as I looked down at my watch, “I better go find a seat before your class starts. I can’t wait to be in your class,” I looked up at him before turning to find a spot. When I sat down, Spencer looked at me with a smile, before going back to writing on the chalkboard. 

I quickly and quietly pulled out my books and pens as the other people in the class filed in and took their seats. Spencer quickly finished writing on the board before turning around to greet the class. And, even as he spoke to the class, and looked around at each of the other students, his eyes always landed on me, lingering for a moment before going elsewhere.

{***}{***}{***}

Five months. Five months into being in Spencer Reid’s class, and I have been suffering. I’m not a new student anymore. But the only friendship I’ve made is with my fucking professor, and there’s a certain level of tension between us. That tension was probably thanks to him staring at me during lectures, and me teasing him while he taught. It wasn’t too bothersome, but I definitely wanted something to happen. Unfortunately for me, I don’t think anything will happen. 

So, can someone please tell me why I invited Spencer over to help me study for a test? It’s a stupid question too, that I already figured out the answer to… I even finished studying for the day, and I’m going to a stupid party. Maybe I could get him to go with… And maybe, just maybe, something could happen.

I nearly jumped when there was a knock on the door. It’s not that I forgot he was coming over. It’s that I was so wrapped up in doing my makeup and forgot what time it was. My mascara almost smudged when I jumped back. Thank God it didn’t smudge too terribly. 

I grabbed my shirt off the counter and threw it on (not bothering to zip it), before running to the front door. I smoothed out my skirt before pulling the door open. And, there stood Spencer. 

“Hope I’m not too late,” he looked down at me and smiled. Although, his smile didn’t stay for too long when he saw what I was wearing. He wasn’t disappointed though, no. He was… He clearly liked what he saw, I’ll just put it that way.

“Oh! Thanks for coming over, but I actually figured it out. I should’ve called you,” I looked up at Spencer as he stepped into my apartment. I struggled to zip the back of my blouse as I walked towards my room. I looked back over my shoulder and noted that Spencer was, indeed, still following me. “Can you zip me up,” I stopped in my tracks before giving up on zipping my blouse. It was a black crop top that paired well with the pale pink tennis skirt. 

“Where… Where exactly are you going tonight? It’s a, uh, it’s a school night,” he asked as he lifted his hands. The cool metal of the zipper pressed against my back, causing a shiver to go through my spine.

“Uh, there’s this party,” I answered, stepping away from him and towards the bathroom, “Thought I’d go,” I looked at him in the mirror. Spencer looked around the bathroom, at the messy mess I had made on my counter. Different pallets of makeup and tools were strewn about, a varying amount of hair care products tossed here and there. It honestly looked like a bathroom of a pageant queen, and not a 20-something-year-old. In my defense, I had to dress to impress someone here in this stupid university. 

“Is that, uh… Is that smart?” Spencer asked, leaning against the door jamb. I looked up at him as I put on some luxurious red lipstick. I smiled as I looked at him.

“I think it is,” I laughed as I picked up something else and turned to look at him, “You wanna come? I wasn’t invited,” I smiled wickedly as I looked at him. His face paled two shades as he looked at me. “Oh, c’mon, Professor, no one will know us there, and I can assure you, no one will even see us,” I looked up at him as I readjusted his tie. He looked down at me before swallowing roughly. 

“I don-”

“I do need a designated driver,” I spoke before cutting him off. I walked past him and towards my room. Part of me wondered what he was thinking as I so rudely rushed past him, or cut him off, or whatever I was doing. I wished I could hear his thoughts. I wondered if they consisted of “The mouth on that girl,” or, “I should punish her for the way she’s acting,” or, my personal favorite, “I should put that mouth to good use,” 

“How old are you again?” Spencer asked once I sat down on my bed. I looked up at him as I slipped my shoes on.

“22,” I smiled and stood up, “Why, is that important?” I smiled as I grabbed my coat and purse.

“Couldn’t remember,” he lied. We both knew he was lying. He even knew that too. Freaking walking computer is what he is. There's no way he conveniently forgot how old I was. “Are you going to be out late?”

“Why? It’s not like you’re my dad or anything?” I laughed, leading him back to the front door of the house. “I don’t plan on being out too late. I know there’s class tomorrow,” I shrugged as I walked towards his car. 

We both stayed silent as he drove with the directions I was quietly giving him. I was pleasantly happy that we were both quiet, but what I hated was the sudden awkward sexual tension that was between us. If he didn’t have this… domineering personality over me there probably wouldn’t be this tension between us.

“Are you going to come with me?” I looked up at him as I unbuckled. He glanced over at me with slight disappointment in his eye. I felt a little bad, but I really wanted to go to this party, I wasn’t going to let my professor’s disappointment stop me. “Please,” I whispered. He sighed before unbuckling himself. I had to force myself to not verbally giggle with excitement before slipping out of the car. Spencer looked down at me as I twisted my hips to swish my skirt. I smiled as I entertained myself. I'm sure if I wasn't watching my skirt, I would have been staring at him, giving myself away. 

“Steps,” Spencer muttered as we got closer to the porch. I looked up at him before looking towards the small staircase. I looked up at Spencer with a smile. He glanced back down at me, a worried crease in his brow. I looked down at my skirt and smoothed it out. I looked at the door as we stood close to it, I contemplated knocking.

  “So, you weren’t invited to this party?” Spencer asked, looking down at me. His voice stopped me from knocking. Instead, I looked up at him and smiled back up at him. He raised an eyebrow as he waited for an answer from me. My smile grew playful as I looked back at the door, raising my fist to knock on it. “No answer?” he asked, still waiting for my answer.

“Oh, please, Professor Reid, I can get into the hottest parties in LA without an invitation,” I smiled at him. That was a little bit of an over-exaggeration. Most college parties I could get into. But not LA parties. Someday though… 

The door swung open, and we were instantly met with loud music blaring through a speaker somewhere in the house. People’s voices and chatter carried all throughout the house, coming through the various rooms and clusters around. “Are you coming in to babysit me? Or, are you going to go back to your car to read the science of the mathematical phenomenon,” I looked up at him, offering my hand to him. I wasn’t exactly sure if that was a real book or not, but I wouldn’t put it past Spencer to read. 

“I’m not babysitting you,” he corrected as he looked down at me with a disappointed look in his eye. I smiled and rolled my eyes. 

“Are you going to come in and watch me drink and party and have fun, Professor… Or, are you going to go back to your car and read your silly little book,” I looked down at my hand, silently telling him to take my hand and come in with me. 

“I, uh, I don’t think it’s exactly in the rules for a professor to party, let alone drink, with their students,” Spencer spoke before looking down at my hand. I dropped my shoulders and looked up at him.

“Fine then… Suit yourself,” I turned around and basically skipped into the house, leaving the door open for him. I made my way towards the loud kitchen and grabbed for a cup and bottle of whatever booze was nearby. I blindly grabbed for a bottle of Grey Goose and dumped it into the cup, no mixer, no chaser. 

“First off,” Spencer’s voice came from beside me. I looked up at him and took a long sip of vodka. “You shouldn’t be taking drinks from people at a party,” he spoke, taking the cup from me. I looked up at him, then the bottle and a new cup. I was only a little annoyed that he took my drink. 

“I… I’m young. I’m not dumb,” I grabbed a new cup and poured more vodka. I looked up at him and offered him a sip. “I know not to drink something given to me by someone I don’t know.” I scoffed before taking another long sip. I cringed a bit at how strong it was.

“Even then someone could slip something into a drink! Even if you did know them!” Spencer exclaimed, causing the surrounding people to turn and look at us. I dropped my shoulders as I looked up at him. 

“If you look around, Spencer, you’re the only person that I know. So unless you’re the one slipping something into my drink… And, as an FBI agent… I don’t think you would,” I cocked my head to my shoulder. Spencer looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “You have more to say,” I added before taking a sip of my drink.

"And, secondly, you're not as innocent as I had originally thought you were," he watched as I brought the cup of straight vodka to my lips. He looked rather unamused with my talent for drinking straight vodka.

"You thought I was innocent?" I asked, nearly sputtering the liquid with my laughter. "Please! I've never been innocent in my entire life!" I shouted over the music. He raised an eyebrow at my statement, and suddenly I had the greatest idea in the world. "But maybe, just for you, I'll be a good girl," I smiled before drinking the rest of my drink in one go. Spencer looked down at me, his lips pressed into a fine as he stared down at me. Ohh, that definitely awoken something in him. I bit back my smile with my offer. Innocent… He thinks I’m innocent. Ha! I honestly don’t remember the last time I was innocent. And, honestly, just for him… I’d be an innocent, good, little girl for Spencer Reid any day, every day even. “I can be your good, innocent little girl,” I smiled at him and cocked my head.

"I don't… I don't think that'd be… appropriate," he spoke, his words very quiet. We both knew that even though it was inappropriate, we both wanted it. We both knew what we wanted to. 

I glanced at him before pouring more drink for myself. "You should learn to pace yourself," he stated and changed the subject. He nervously looked at the bottle of vodka and then around the room at all the other people drinking. Or, he was just looking for a drink that wasn’t booze. Did he actually want to keep me safe, or was I just overreading him?     

"It's a college party, Professor! I'm not going to pace myself!" I shouted just to get his attention back to me. His head shot back down to me. The level of concern on his face only made me feel a little bad, mostly because he was concerned for me. But, he should know… This is a college party.  “Do you want some?” I asked, offering my drink to him again. I held it up to him, close to his lips. His face twisted up as soon as the scent of pure vodka hit his nose.

“No, no thanks,” he held up at hand to block the cup from his face. I pouted before bringing it to my lips. “Do you usually come to parties,” he asked, his eyes darting around the room. Part of me wondered if he wanted to continue that question with “Like this?” But,  I was too busy keeping my eyes on his face, rather than looking around the room like he was. Although, I’m sure he was used to keeping an eye on his surroundings. I’ve never been too worried about it, I probably should… But hey, you only live once. Going to college parties with your 38-year-old professor, and drinking straight vodka, and not really caring about your surroundings proves my point of YOLO.

“If I don’t have class or anything to study for… Yep,” I looked up at him with a sneaky smile. The joke with that was his particular class had a test coming up soon, and I should be studying for it. He knew that too because he just announced the test this morning. Although, he did come to my home, to help me with said test. “But, I wouldn't show up to his class hungover. It’d disappoint him too much. And, he’d care too much about me to even focus on the rest of the class,” I spoke, answering the questions he was thinking. It’s not like I’ve shown up to classes hungover before. Granted, I’ve never shown up to his class drunk or hungover. Mostly because I didn’t want to disappoint him, and only him. Anyone and everyone else can go blow themselves.

“How do you know that?” Spencer asked, looking back at me with furrowed eyebrows. I smiled and stepped closer to him.  

“How do I know what?” I cocked my head to my shoulder. I already knew what he meant by his question, but… I think teasing him and messing with him is fun. And, he knew that too.

“How do you know that you’d disappoint him?” he looked down at me, pressing his chin to his chest to get a better look at me. His hands were away from me, even though I really wanted his hands anywhere on me. I looked over at my hand and the cup I held before bringing it to my lips. I took a long sip, trying to finish the contents in one go. I tossed the cup over my shoulder and looked up at him with a lazy smile.

“Because being hungover, with the slight possibility of still being drunk, would totally disappoint him… And I would hate to disappoint him.” I whispered and shook my head. Spencer looked down at me with something in his eyes, and I loved the way he looked at me. “I told you, Professor, I’d be a good girl for you,” I cocked my head to my shoulder and smiled, “And only for you,”

“You’re drunk,” he pointed out an obvious fake statement. So, I cackled and shook my head.

“I had one drink,” I scoffed and waved off my in the air, “Most definitely not enough to get me drunk,” I flattened his tie out before gripping it tightly, “Like I said, I wouldn’t want to disappoint you,” I smiled before dropping my hand from his tie, “So, why would I show up to your class… Hungover…? I know you’d care… And I know it’d disappoint you. That’s the last thing I want to do to you,”  

Spencer’s adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed roughly. He quickly looked between me and the room, then back at me, then around the room. I faked a yawn before looking away from him.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom, okay, Professor?” I smoothed out his jacket before turning and leaving him alone in the kitchen. I smiled as I skipped away from him, my skirt swishing with my movement. I secretly hoped he’d follow me. But, a quick glance over my shoulder told me he was still in the kitchen.

However, when I finished my business and left the bathroom, Spencer was leaning against the wall right beside the door. I looked up at him and smiled. 

“Follow me,” he muttered, grasping my wrist and pulling me down the various halls and past multiple groups of people. I giggled the harder his grasp grew on me and the faster he moved. I’m happy people were too busy with themselves to notice a 30-something-year-old man was dragging a 20-something-year-old girl down the hall, to which I can assume was one of the only open bedrooms. Fuck… I hope it's a bedroom. 

He was a man on a mission. Not letting anyone get in his way. The smile that grew on my lips was pure excitement. I couldn’t help it. I’m sure we’re both getting what we wanted… I hope.

I let out an excited yelp when he shoved me into, exactly what I thought, an empty bedroom. I’m surprised he knew that there’d be an empty room. Most of them are occupied, with couples (or more) doing exactly what I hope we’re about to do. Which was fuck each other.

Spencer slammed the door shut, and quickly locked it before pushing me against it. I looked up at him and giggled like a fucking kid in a candy store. Again, I couldn’t help it. 

Spencer was quiet, which led me to be quiet. The air in between us quickly grew hot and tense and thick. I really wanted this to move faster, but I wanted him to be the one in charge. I was willing to let this be slow and let him be in charge. So, when he grabbed both my wrists and held them above my head, I smiled so hard my cheeks began to hurt.

“Tell me what you want,” Spencer’s voice was low and deep as he moved close to me. There was little to no space between us. Which left little to the imagination, for me anyway. 

I looked up at him, with the biggest doe eyes I could muster, silently telling him that I wanted the most, in the entire world, was to be on my knees, with his hand tangled in my hair, and his cock down my throat, or to be fucked so hard that I won’t be able to sit properly for several days. But, I couldn’t be that blunt. You gotta play up to that moment before you get it. I’m sure in the end though, I’ll get both things.

I swallowed roughly, trying to think of what to say, because, like I said, I can’t just be blunt yet. So, when I opened my mouth and words just came out, I was pleasantly surprised with what was said. “You’re old enough to be my father, Professor,” I smiled at him as he pinned me against the door. He pressed his hips against mine to keep me against the surface. I could feel a large bulge against my inner thigh, causing me to shiver. “Does that mean I get to call you daddy,” I whispered as I looked up at him through my eyelashes. He is the one who said I could call him whatever I wanted… And he did just ask me what I wanted, and I guess I wanted to call him ‘Daddy’. There was no guessing about him.

Okay, he wasn't exactly old enough to be my father. But he was a lot older than me. Most 20-something-year-olds aren't sleeping with men 15 years older than them… and most 20-something-year-olds aren't sleeping with their professor… I just wanted an excuse to call him 'Daddy'. And he knew that too. So, if we gave each other an excuse for that to happen, then that was all I needed.

I dropped my head to my shoulder to allow him to attack the space on my neck. He dragged his nose across my jawbone before stilling. His lips were just over my neck. As his breathing got heavier, it tickled across my skin. 

“That does have a nice ring to it,” Spencer hummed as he dropped my hands and stepped away from me. I swallowed roughly as I stared at him. I missed having his body pressed against mine, and he knew that. 

I looked at him as I brought my hands to his belt. "I thought you said this wasn't appropriate, Daddy," I whispered as I quickly undid the belt buckle, without looking. I almost couldn’t move fast enough to unbutton and zip his pants. If he wanted me to stop, he would have stopped me by now. “Can I?” I looked up at him, a plea in my eyes.

"You've changed my mind," he muttered, watching me with such close intent, “God, please keep going,” he spoke like if I did stop now he’d probably die. I looked up at him as I slipped my hand into the waistband of his boxers. He hissed as my fingers brushed against his cock. A small smile grew on my lips. 

“Didn’t take much convincing,” I smiled as my fingers wrapped around him. A small groan fell from his lips as I looked up at him. When I pulled my hand away from him not even a moment later, he looked down at me with an alarmed expression on his face. I quickly spat on my palm before sticking my hand down his pants. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted this?” I whispered as I slowly stroked up and down his length. I couldn’t believe it was actually happening. 

“I’ve wanted this since you stepped foot in my classroom,” his voice was low and gravely as he spoke. My breathing picked up a little bit as I looked up at him. 

Okay… Maybe he did know how long I’ve wanted this. Because I also wanted this the second I stepped into his lecture hall. I wanted his cock in my hands and his hand around my throat. It only took-what, five months for this? I’ll make it worth the wait. 

“Does that feel good,” I whispered, carefully picking up speed and adding the slightest bit of pressure in my grip. Spencer’s eyes fluttered shut as he swallowed roughly and nodded. I smiled before pulling my hand away from him, again. I slowly lowered to my knees and kept my eyes on his face. 

Spencer looked down at him as he gently pushed his fingers through my hair. His fingers gripping hard on my roots before pulling hard. I smiled before very slowly pulling down his slacks and boxers in one go. I was only a little bit intimidated by his size, but the excitement I felt went straight to my core. 

I took a deep breath and swallowed roughly before looking up at him. My mouth fell open, and my tongue stuck out, silently telling him that it was okay. Although I don’t really know why I was telling him that it was okay, we both knew what we wanted, and it was only going to take me doing one thing.

I made eye contact with him as I ran my tongue on the side of his cock. Our eye contact didn’t last long, mostly because he let out a moan and dropped his head back. I smiled as I licked across his tip. A sweet and salty taste was on my tongue. 

My jaw fell slack as I carefully took his length into my mouth. I closed my lips around him before slowly bobbing my head, with my tongue swirling around the underside of his cock. I wrapped a hand around what wouldn’t fit into my mouth. And wrapped my free arm around his leg for support.

The sounds of his moans and grunts filled the mostly quiet room. Music, although muffled through the walls and door, could still be heard from outside of our own world behind the door and four walls.

“You were right,” he struggled to speak through groans, “You aren’t as innocent as I thought,” Spencer's hand had a rough hold in my hair as he held me against him. His cock was penetrating my throat, and breathing was beginning to get difficult. My eyes grew wet and tears grew in the corners of my eyes. 

“You’re such a good girl,” he looked down at me as the tears started to roll down my cheeks. I wouldn’t be surprised if my makeup started smudging and I looked like an adolescent raccoon. “You look so pretty with my cock down your throat,” he struggled to let out a coo, before moving his hips closer to my face. 

Everything about this moment, his hand in my hair, the sounds he was making, the way he smelled, being here… Was intoxicating. I’d give anything to be in this moment again. And I’d give anything to get this moment sooner.

 My knees would hate me in the morning, I just know it. I could already sense the dreaded carpet burn before he even started. But, in all honesty, it’d be worth it. Walking into class tomorrow morning, with bruises and day-old wounds on my knees, just to see his expression.

As I began to pick up pace, the sounds Spencer was making started to become more urgent, easily telling me he was close. But, before he could finish, I pulled away from him, crashing into the wall to get away from his grasp. He looked down at me with a mild frustration on his face. I smiled before wiping my chin clean of spit. 

“I guess chivalry is dead. Whatever happened to ladies first?” I asked, my voice a rasp from how raw my throat was. I looked up at him, feeling a certain level of sass grow in my smile. Spencer quickly tucked himself back into his pants before grabbing my hand. 

“Come on, on your feet,” he muttered as he pulled me back up to a standing position. I nearly toppled over into him if he didn’t hold me upright. I looked up at him and smiled. 

“Bed… Now?” I whispered, my tone showing how urgent I was. It’s not that I wanted this over with, it's that I wanted everything to happen to me all at once, and I wanted it to last for a long time. 

Spencer nodded before cupping my face in his hands. He was harsh when he pressed his lips to mine, like his life depended on it, if he did kiss me now the world would end. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he started guiding me towards the bed. And when the edge of the bed hit the back of my legs, he pushed me back onto it. I quickly moved so my head was resting on the pillows. Spencer was quick to take his cardigan off and be over me. 

“You’re not going to fail me, are you,” I joked as he quickly started leaving wet, open-mouthed kisses on my neck. He lifted his head and looked down at me with confusion on his face. “If I’m a bad fuck,”

“If you ask that again, or bring up class while we’re doing this… Then yes,” he muttered as he looked at me. I laughed as I pushed my fingers through his hair. 

“Oh, shut up,” I laughed as I pulled him down to kiss him, again. One of his hands landed on top of my breast, carefully kneading it, causing me to moan into his mouth. 

His hand slowly drifted away from my chest. I pressed my head into the pillow and looked up at him with a smirk. He carefully dragged his fingers up from my chest to the base of my neck, causing me to let out a shaky gasp. I wanted fingers and a hand around my neck, carefully cutting off my airway just right. Suddenly, I never wanted something so badly in my life. Something dark flashed in his eyes as he looked down at me like he knew what I was about to say. 

“Do it… I fucking dare you,” I muttered, placing both my hands around his wrist. My nose twitched as I stared at him. “I said fucking do it,” I spat, pushing his hand down more onto my neck. My words slowly got cut off as the pressure in his hand and fingers tightened around my neck. A moan struggled to escape me, but did eventually fall from my lips. He seemed pretty happy with that.

“Is that good,” his voice was a growl. I looked at him and moaned.

“Harder,” I begged, my voice growing raspier the more I spoke. He smirked before allowing his grip to tighten. His other hand was still sitting on top of my hips, and I could tell where he wanted to put it. I’d be a dirty, rotten liar if I didn’t want his hand up my skirt. In fact, I’d love it if he did more than just his hand. 

Spencer swallowed roughly before finally sneaking a hand up my skirt and resting it on my underwear. My grip around his wrist got tighter as he pushed past my underwear and past my folds. My eyes fluttered closed as another moan was strangled in my throat. 

“You’re so wet,” he purred as he slowly moved a finger around my clit. I looked up at him, as I struggled to swallow roughly. A dark smirk grew on his lips as he watched me struggle for a moment. “Does that feel good,” he asked, mildly mocking me from earlier. His movements picked up speed just a little bit, and my body reacted, well tried to react. 

“Oh, you’re such a good girl,” he looked down at me. His pupils were so blown I could nearly see my reflection in them. “Another thing you were right about,” he whispered as he slipped a finger into my entrance, and curled it just right. My vision slowly blurred before my eyes rolled into the back of my head. Another moan struggled to escape my throat as Spencer added a second finger. 

My body was on autopilot as I lifted my hand and hit his wrist a few times, telling him that I desperately needed to breathe. When I reopened my eyes, I looked up at him a moment before he removed his hand from my neck. Worry and concern flashed in his eyes as I breathed. Air burned like fire in my lungs as I took a deep breath. As I exhaled a loud moan followed behind, easily telling Spencer and I that I had reached my first orgasm of the night. I just hope there will be more... 

“You did such a good job, Princess,” Spencer whispered as he looked down at me. With his free hand, he brushed the tears away from my cheeks. He carefully withdrew his hand from between my legs and held them up to his face. He looked at them for a moment before placing them in his mouth, sucking and licking them clean. I took a shaky breath and nodded. 

He very sloppily pressed his lips to mine, then on the corner of my lips, and down my jaw, and neck. With one quick movement, a loud rip filled the room, as he tore my shirt off my body. I looked up at him with shock in my eyes. To be fair, that shirt was flimsy, to begin with. I was more worried about leaving my chest so exposed as we left the party. 

“Oh, I’ll give you my sweater,” Spencer muttered before attacking my neck and then down to my collarbones, and over my breasts. I gasped as he wrapped his lips around a nipple.

“Mmm, Daddy,” I whimpered as I shifted under him. I brought my hands back up to his hair, tangling my fingers in the hairs on his neck. When he sensed that I was growing restless (even though he just started), he quickly left wet kisses down the rest of my body

“I like the way that sounds coming from your mouth,” he whispered once he was in between my legs. I looked down at him just as he looked up at me. “Good on your end for wearing such a short skirt,” he smiled before pressing his lips to my inner thigh. A shaky breath tumbled from my lips as I looked at him. “Makes for easier access,” he added before going higher up on my leg.

“You’re not going fast enough,” I whined as he just kept kissing, or licking, or rubbing my inner thighs. It was honestly getting annoying. I kind of felt bad for him. Considering I’ve already cum once, and I got him close but didn’t let him finish. 

“I’m not going fast enough?” Spencer looked up at me. I shot him a scowl as I shifted slightly on the bed. Spencer looked back down the apex of my legs before looping two fingers around the band of my underwear. As soon as I lifted my hips, he pulled my underwear off my body and chucked them to the ground beside the bed. “How’s this for fast enough,” he muttered, mostly to himself, before licking between my folds. A breath of air got caught in my lungs as my hands found their way to his hair, my fingers getting knotted up in his roots. 

“Mhm, Spencer,” I gasped, rolling my hips up at him. He hummed, sending vibrations straight to my core. My legs wrapped around him, my heels digging into his back as my own back arched. 

“Ohh, Daddy, please don’t stop,” I cried, pressing my head into the pillow beneath my head. My fingers pulled hard on his hair, pulling him closer to me. He hummed again as he pushed two fingers back into my entrance. My grip in his hair tightened, and I could feel my grip wanting to loosen. 

My breathing picked up as a familiar feeling grew in my stomach. And all I could say was his name, and the suddenly loved nickname I had for him. He seemed to appreciate my reaction too, because he worked faster. Messy and wet sounds, mixed with my breathy moans and calls of his name filled the room, and my end was near. 

“Fuck,” I shouted as I finally came undone. I could sense if I didn’t pull him away, he’d keep going, and going till I couldn’t take it anymore. And, honestly, that sounds great, but I think that’s for next time. I wanted him in me now. “Spencer, Spencer,” I cried as I tried to pull his head away, but failed so hard.

“Nuh huh,” he hummed, looking up at me. I took a deep breath and pressed my head into the pillow beneath me and threw an arm over my face. “Please, Spencer,” I cried as I bucked my hips at him, “Fuck me, please, fuck me, Daddy,” I moaned. He was going faster than before and was clearly trying to work me to the end faster too. It was hard to breathe, and speak because my words would just get stuck in my throat.  

Although, when I did cum, again, for the third time tonight, Spencer did move away from my legs. He knelt between them, wiping his chin with the back of his hand. My body was shaking lightly as I tried to come down from my high.

“Please,” I whispered, lifting a hand up, trying to reach for his tie. He looked down at me with a smile and raised an eyebrow.

“Please what?”

“Please, Daddy,” I furrowed my eyebrows as I spoke. I could feel my voice becoming a little whiney. Spencer moved so he was hovering over me, his fingers gently brushing hair away from my face.

“Tell me what you want, Princess,” he whispered cupping my face in his hand. I looked up at his face, admiring his lips, and eyes, and nose, and the way his lips had a sheen from when he licked them clean and whatever was leftover from when he was eating me out. 

“Please fuck me, Daddy,” I begged, begged. Spencer smiled before pressing his lips to mine for a moment. He sat up away from me to remove his sweater and shirt. My head was spinning from excitement, I didn’t even notice that he was totally undressed.

Spencer was back between my legs, looking down at me like I truly belonged right here. Or, like I was his to fuck with. Either way it was a good feeling. 

“Ready?” He asked, his voice so low that I could hardly hear it over the bass of the loud music. I rapidly nodded my head, worried my answer was the wrong one. But it wasn’t. I desperately wanted this. Needed. I needed this. 

Spencer hovered over me before putting an opened mouth kiss on my lips. I could hardly breathe as he rubbed the tip of his cock against my clit and entrance. I could feel a moan getting caught in the middle of my throat, my body not being about to handle anymore teasing. Until, he very slowly pushed into me.

“Oh, good girl,” he repeated. Those two words, constantly coming off his tongue. Making me feel good. The praise that I hadn’t heard in such a long time, that I longed for. Part of me wondered if he knew I wanted it. “Has someone not been taking care of you?” he asked, looking down at me. I stared at him, not trusting my own voice. My mind was too distracted with the way I felt, light and airy but at the same time full. So I shook my head.

“No, Daddy,” I whimpered and kept shaking my head. Spencer smiled before pressing his lips to mine. 

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you now. I’ll take care of you,” he mumbled before moving his hips. It took him a moment to get a perfect rhythm. He lips attached to different spots on my neck, leaving hickies in his wake.

“Spencer,” I whispered as I moved my head closer to my shoulder to let him have more space.

“You feel so good,” he grunted as he moved his hips so he was deeper in me, “You feel so good, and you’re all mine,” he pressed his forehead to mine as he wrapped his arms around my lower back, pulling me closer up to him. My breathing got deep, my chest heaving with each breath I took. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down, closer to my face. 

“Oh, be quiet,” I whispered before putting my lips on his. He smiled before passing his tongue between my lips. A moan fell from my lips, which he seemed to enjoy… Considering it was probably just music to his ears. 

“I’ll only be quiet if you keep making those little noises,” he muttered against my lips. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He smiled again as I knotted my fingers in the hair on the back of his head. 

“Faster,” I breathed out, keeping my eyes on him. Spencer laughed lightly as he picked up the speed. My hips bucked with his, meeting at the right points. “Please,” I whimpered as I threw my head back more into the pillow. He pulled his arm away from my back and brought his hand between our legs, where we met. 

“It’s okay, Little Girl,” Spencer whispered before pressing his lips to the side of my face. I let out a shaky breah and arched my body into his. I couldn’t believe how good I felt. I almost wasn’t sure if it was fair that my professor was better in bed than other men my age. He was more experienced, to be fair. “You can finish, it’s okay,” he kept his voice low. It almost sounded like he was giving me permission.

I nodded my head, breathing heavily through my nose. “Mmm, Spencer,” I moaned, loudy, as my walls fluttered around him and my release came. And a few moments later, Spencer thrusted deep into me with a grunt, filling me with his essence. His body collapsed on top of me whence he finished.

“Fuck,” I muttered, my fingers still tangled in his hair. My limbs were sore and shaking slightly from the rough movements. Spencer laughed lightly, agreeing with my statement. “We can’t sleep here,” I whispered, keeping my eyes on the ceiling above us. I wished we could just sleep here, mostly because I was exhausted after everything we did.

“I know,” Spencer replied as he slowly moved off and away from me. I looked up at him with wide eyes. “You’re messy now,” he muttered as he basically tumbled off the bed. I quickly sat up, just to make sure he was okay. Although I was happy he was okay, I quickly regretted moving as fast as I did. 

“Your sweater,” I mumbled, reaching out towards where his sweater was lying. He looked down at it before picking it up to hand to me. He also grabbed a fistful of tissues and moved to between my legs, again. “Just give me your boxers,” I looked at him as he wiped the insides of my thighs clean. He looked back up at me, still cleaning my legs. 

“I’ll give you a ride home,” he spoke as he tossed the dirty tissues to the trash. He grabbed his slacks and boxers, tossing me his boxers. I slipped them on under my skirt, and then slipped his sweater on. 

“I’d hope so,” I whispered as I stood up. My body wobbled for a second, nearly falling over, before I caught my balance. Spencer looked back at me, looking at how fucked I looked. I mean, I probably looked about the same as him. 

“I’d given you a ride home either way,” he said as he redressed. I looked at him with confusion on my face. Either way? So even if we hadn’t had sex, he would have given me a ride. I asked him and he said yes. So I would hope he’d given me a ride, even if we didn’t fuck.

Once we were both ready to leave this stupid party, that I didn’t even enjoy (well, I did, I was just in a different world), or was even invited to, we walked out. It was as easy as pie. And, since no one really knew either of us were here, I won’t be known as the girl who fucked the professor.

The drive home was quiet. Like, even quieter than the drive here. He didn’t even have the music playing. I wondered if it was my fault, if he was regretting what we had done. If I had known he’d be so regretful, I wouldn’t have wanted to fuck him. But, I guess its too late now. 

When I looked out the window, I realized we were parked outside my apartment building. I looked down at my attire and looked back at Spencer.

“Thanks… Thanks for the ride… And thanks for the sweater. I’ll be sure to give it back to you… Eventually,” I looked up at Spencer as I pulled the door open to leave.

“See you Thursday,” he nodded at me. I looked at him before slamming the door shut. I scoffed before turning to walk up to my home. I couldn’t want to sleep.

{***}{***}{***}

Two weeks. Two weeks since Spencer and I fucked. Okay, not too bad. I don’t regret it, and I’m not afraid to say that. However, I think he might be regretting it. Considering he’d been nothing but ignoring me since the night of the par-Well, I wouldn’t say ignoring me since then. He did fuck me in his office the following Thursday. But, it’s still been two weeks since he last said anything to me. Fuck, I’ve never been so mad.

“Good morning, Professor Reid,” I looked at him as I skipped into his lecture hall. I heard his words begin to greet me back, but fail when he saw what I was wearing. “Best get to my seat. Excited for today’s lesson,” I readjusted the cardigan that hung off my shoulders before turning to go to my seat. 

I could feel his eyes burning into the back of my skull as I walked away from him. Or, was he staring at my ass. Most likely my ass. It was my ass he was staring at. I was wearing a fairly short skirt, so that’s on me. But, I’d do anything to get his attention today. And it would appear I have gotten it. 

His lesson wasn’t actually anything important. It was just revision for the test coming up soon. But, it was obvious he had other things on his mind, and I was very clearly one of them. It was honestly a little distracting if I’m going to be honest.

So, I was happy when he called the end of class 5 minutes early. Although that excitement was gone the second he called my name to the front to talk. I looked at the ground as I stood by his desk, waiting for the very last person to leave so Spencer and I could have our moment alone.

“What are you doing wearing that?” Spencer asked as soon as it was just us. I tried to ignore the fact that he was trying to take the sweater off me, and made my shoulders drop.

“What? This old thing?” I asked, pulling the cardigan that he let me wear around my body. I looked back at him and smiled. He was not smiling. “You gave it to me,” I scoffed, letting him take it off me without a fight. I watched as he folded it over the back of the chair before turning to face me. 

“I gave it to you so your,” his words began to get jumbled up as he gestured to my boobs, “So you weren’t exposed in front of any-”

“So no one would see what belonged to you?” I asked, folding my arms over my chest. Spencer looked down at me, a flabbergasted look on his face. I smiled and cocked my head to my shoulder.

“I… I never said that,” Spencer shook his head.

“Yeah, but you thought it,” I scoffed and rolled my eyes. Spencer looked down at me. I could tell that he was trying to be the one in charge, kinda like how he was the other night. But it was so, so clear that he couldn’t be in charge. That he wouldn’t be in charge now. That this was just embarrassing to him. Maybe that’s just how our dynamic would work. Out in public, I was the loud one, the one who made everyone think that I was in charge in the bedroom. And, Spencer, in public, was the quiet, shy, nervous one, who was clearly submissive in bed. But in actuality, he was telling me what to do, when and when I can’t cum.

 “Why were you wearing that?” he asked again, his voice pulling me from my very dirty thoughts. I looked up at him and smiled.

“Because you were ignoring me! I needed to get your attention somehow! And then I remembered I still had that,” I smiled at him. I wished I still had his sweater on, because it was actually quite cozy and warm. The look he gave me made me drop my shoulders, suddenly feeling ashamed about the current situation. So, I stared at him, feeling annoyed. More annoyed than I have over the last two weeks. “Do you regret it?” I finally asked, not really knowing if he’d be mad with my question. 

“Pardon me?” He asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked at me. I shook my head and looked down at the ground. “It’s not that I regret it-”

“So you do,” I looked back up at him and dropped my shoulders again. Before Spencer got the chance to say anything, I cut him off, “Oh please, you loved shoving your tongue, and cock, down my throat,” I scoffed before looking at him. The expression on his face flinched slightly as he looked back at me from behind the desk. “I get to… I get to be your good, little girl, your princess for, what, a week? A day? 12 hours? Whenever the fuck you want... And I’m supposed to go back to normal life the next day? And… And pretend that nothing happened!” I stared at him and shook my head. Spencer looked over at the door and back at me. “Thinking it’ll never happen again!” I shouted. I didn’t mean to shout, honest. But I was starting to get angry. He made me feel something like I belonged to someone. And now I don’t feel like that. 

“Will you stop talking for a second,” he muttered before stepping away from me and his desk. He walked over to the door and shut it. I crossed my arms over my chest and watched as he walked back over to me. “I never said you had to pretend as if nothing happened. And I never said that I regret it,” he spoke in a harsh whisper. I looked at him with mild irritation on my face.

“It sure fucking felt like it,” I spat at him. 

“You’re all I think about… Christ, I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you that. I never said you had to forget everything… Because I’ve been having a hard time forgetting it myself.” He looked up at me. I almost refused to look at him, but his voice was so soft that I had to look at him. “I never expected you to forget,” he added. 

“Then why are you acting like it didn’t happen,” I stared at him before swallowing roughly, “You made me feel like I was wanted, that I belonged somewhere, with someone,” I spoke as I stepped closer to him. It was only a little bit closer to him, not as much as I wanted. But he stepped closer to me, making it so we were the closest we had been all day, in one large step. "You remind me of home," I added in a whisper. Spencer smiled and cocked his head to his shoulder.

“You do belong somewhere,” he whispered, resting his hands on my shoulders. I looked up at him, feeling my heart pick up speed, and butterflies appear in my tummy. “And that somewhere is with me,” he brought at hand to my cheek, allowing his thumb to rest on my lower lip. I looked up at him before he pressed his lips to mine. 

I was honestly expecting him to say something else. I don’t know what. But I liked what he said, it made me feel really good. Like, I belonged with him, and nothing could change that.

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